#if i have time at work today ill post some of my lyric ramblings but the song is Achilles Come Down by gang of youths

[kissingarthurclaus]

Who's even awake rn. No one but me, I've been up since 5am but LORD ITS GONNA BE AN ANAKIN DAY I CAN TELL 💖💔💖💔 I have some thoughts let me TELL YOU

[bvannn]

Weekly update February 23, 2024

I know I just woke up so this is early, but I don’t anticipate having time to write this later. I’ve had a ton of homework this week and been feeling really bad. I don’t know how much of it is more lingering sickness from surgery, if I caught something going around campus, how much of it is my congenial illness, or if there’s something else, but I assume it’s a mix. That coupled with homework means I didn’t really get much of anything done this week. I don’t know how next week will be. My congenial condition is probably the worst, because it prevents me from being able to get up out of bed when it’s flaring up, so I’m going a lot longer without food. That coupled with surgery sickness making me anxious and trying to justify not eating, has me a bit worried but not worried enough to force myself to eat. I feel gross when I eat. My stomach hurts every time, most of the food I have isn’t healthy anyway, it’s smarter just to not. That’s probably why I got more drunk off of less alcohol last night, honestly, although I did force myself to have lunch and dinner so I wouldn’t put myself in danger.I play it overly safe with alcohol, since I know how much it takes to almost kill me, and alcohol is really the only reliable way to take an anxious edge off before bed right now. I have leftover oxycodone from surgery but I want to save that for when I need the painkilling effects, and I have a couple friends begging and pleading me to try weed again, but I’ve never really had a desire to, and I haven’t really known why until I really thought about it this morning: weed puts a focus on your body, it doesn’t numb your nerves like alcohol or oxy do. Which means it brings focus to my condition, which is distressing. It’s like meditation, it only works if you’re already healthy. I wish I could have put that together sooner, it probably would have made turning it down a lot easier, since they would understand. I know they aren’t trying to be malicious, they just don’t understand because I had no way of communicating it to them. Now that I know what’s wrong, I can put it off for a while, until my congenial condition is cleared up, in a few years. Anyway enough Health rambling, art stuff

The main thing I did in the way of art this week was fiddling with vocaloid. Still not sure which banks to get, but it doesn’t matter too much since I won’t have the money for them for a good while anyway. Right now is to throw together the actual vpr files with the default banks, and then pass them to friends on discord who already have the banks, so they an render the MP3 and pass it back to me. Extra steps, sure, but it’ll work. I’m hoping to find a way to copy and paste the phonetic lyrics too, so I can see how the Japanese banks handle English, but no dice so far. If I need to write them out manually, I can, too.

As for instrumental music: I keep trying to throw together small beats late at night and they always sound like shit. I posted the one the other day and the next morning it was terrible, but I used a drum machine of course it was going to sound awful. I do essentially have the ambient instrumental one done, still running it past test audiences, which is a bit harder since people are less likely to spend the time test listening to a song vs giving a drawing a once over. I’m tempted to make my own discord server to try and garner a little community where people can test listen to stuff and post art, but I don’t know if I’d have a way of moderating it, I’ve seen some awful people on public discords. I might give it a few listens over myself and maybe just send it anyway, but I don’t trust my ears, I maybe don’t hear the instruments at the volume they actually are. I’m not sure, which is why I want to play it safe by passing it through peer review. Peer review is important, it’s the reason hazbin hotel was good while helluva boss wasn’t.

I haven’t been doing drawings, due to time and energy. Today is the due date for the worst of my homework, so I’ll try to get stuff done this weekend. I want to animate but have been having art block in that department. Honestly a fair amount of art block all around. Energy is also a component but last night I slept well, so I’ll try to get more sleep in the next few days, see how it helps. Unfortunately that’ll mean no staying up late to do drawings but that’s fine probably.

I also haven’t been getting comic progress done the way I want, but it’ll be fine, I can pick up again soon. I’m at 20 pages thumbnailed, moving into ‘act 3’, then I’ll go over and add in whatever I need to reach count and to fix any unnatural scenes. I’ll try to get back to ‘one a day’ starting tomorrow. Block is a bit hard on thumbnailing because it makes me just want to slap the panels on the page, but that’s lazy, I can have more fun with it than that.

I think next week the plan is going to be eat less food, spend more time with friends, go to bed earlier, back to one a day thumbnails, and whatever else I make I make. I’ll try to get art to go with that finished song done, and I’ll try to figure out how to sound balance it. Hopefully I can get that done in time to post it before the next update.

[trustkosher]

Post haste flash cards

Post haste flash cards free#

Now, poor baby Ben's baby bottom is blistered. On an ill-advised suggestion I fed baby Ben salsa last night to go along with our chipotle rubbed lamb chops, red potatoes au gratin, and steamed summer vegetable medley. He's one heck of a man! I love my rootin' tootin' hubby! Even when he's covered in lemur fur or rambling on about the midnight wanderings of the giant bipedal chinchilla (chinchilla humongostandupfurballera) I can just gaze upon him adoringly and zone out on my Bo love. Every time Bo goes galavanting around the globe I appreciate him a little more. Bo isn't very domestically handy, but that's not what we love about him. It definitely keeps me sane to have Bo around so we can tag team little Ben. Honestly, I don't know how you single mommies do it. Well neighbors, Bo is off on his lemur brigade so it's just baby Ben and I, Betty. Posted by Betty Bluecorn at Thursday, August 19, 2004 I'm off to smooch that handsome hubby'o'mine. A couple of rubs should have you singing, "ZippityDoDa!"īo's home from Lemurland. "Bulgunzerdabba!" which we think is his word for 56.ġ. He'll concentrate on it and then he says, I made them myself from an every day paper plate, neighbor! They said that we'd have to wait until he was at least a year, but they were wrong! I've been using multiplication flash cards with excellent results. Heavenly!īaby Ben is working on his multiplication tables. Hold it together with those crispy chow mein noodles for legs. Perhaps my famous Spamipillars- Spam and gherkins diced and whipped up with pimentos, and equal parts Cheez Whiz and mayonaise- 0nly Hellman's, hellions!- rolled in squares of American cheese. I'll have to serve cold plates for dinner. I'm staying out of the kitchen today, neighbor. (Prince William residents, call 70.But not me.

Post haste flash cards free#

* To hear a free Sound Bite from Porcupine Tree, call Post-Haste at 30 and press 8131. What clicks are "Shallow," "Open Car" and other tracks that reveal the band's ingenuity and energy.Īppearing Friday at the 9:30 club. The 12-year-old band sounds too mellow for its own good at times, particularly on the rippling piano ballad "Lazarus," and some of the abrupt shifts in tone pack the wallop of a telegraphed punch. Guest guitarist Adrian Belew turns in a wonderfully skittish cameo on the Floyd-tinted spiritual "Halo," but for the most part, Wilson and his bandmates - keyboardist Richard Barbieri, bass guitarist Colin Edwin and drummer Gavin Harrison - are left to their own devices and designs. Inspired in part by a film script co-written by Wilson, "Deadwing" is riddled with ponderous lyrics and cleverly designed soundscapes. If "Deadwing" sounds oddly familiar, well, that's pretty much the point. Then, too, there are plenty of allusions or links to the likes of Yes, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, King Crimson, Radiohead, Nine Inch Nails and Coldplay. The result is a contemporary take on progressive rock that embraces, in no particular order, death metal, ambient washes, symphonic tacks, piano-driven ballads and neo-psychedelic excursions. Nothing seems to please him more than creating layered tracks that alternately emphasize some of his favorite things. That's because Wilson doesn't draw on his influences so much as scan them, as if riffling though a stack of flash cards. Chances are sooner or later he'll hit on something more to your liking. If you don't like what Steven Wilson, the prolific composer and singer-guitarist for the British band Porcupine Tree, is up to on "Deadwing," stick around.

[lifeafterbts-blog]

Whistle to my soul

So I wanna talk about the upcoming BTS comeback song, DNA and its possible connection with previous concepts. If you've seen the teaser, then you probably saw 7 good looking guys doing suddenly some smooth moves to a whistle tune and before you realized what was happening it was over. Oh yeah, they are looking really nice for this comeback. But what I wanna talk is about the whistle as a symbol and how it can relate with previous concepts.

First, let's make clear what a whistle could symbolize: On a positive light, if done absent-minded its an expression of cheerfulness or happiness at that given moment. On another hand, it can also symbolize a call for attention and in it's more negative form it could represent an alarm or signal of danger.

That being said, let's focus on the last two meanings which are used alot through other symbols (soundwise) in previous BTS songs.

By other symbols I mean ringing bell sounds, sirens and the like. A ringing bell for instance can be heard in NO MORE DREAM as a call for attention to the youth that has no goals or dreams for their life. Similarly, you can hear a police siren in N.O. But, let's skip ahead to I NEED U cause otherwise it'll take me forever.

Btw, I advice you to read my previous post (although Jimin focused) on my interpretation connecting HYYH era until upcoming Love Yourself, since my following ideas exposed are complimentary.

So I NEED U starts with this synthetic drop like sound and as Suga's rap progresses it becomes higher pitched and it resembles more a synthetic singing/whistling bird. And well, you all know how birds play a big part in BTS MVs, so I'm not gonna go too deep in this but if we consider that "synthetic/whistling bird" = "unnatural/fake bird" then it would fit with the whole idea that in that era, they were still at a transitional point were they hadn't fully grown their own "wings" as birds that can fly, and so they were just "pretending" (check out Jimin running with spread arms in the gif above)... and thus it's a call for attention, which leads us to the whole "fake self" portrayed in Love Yourself Highlight Reel.

Forgetting about the M/V storyline though, it gives off this nostalgic cry vibe which fits with the loneliness the overall song and lyrics portray. In that sense, it's similar to Whalien52 high pitch staple sound. Let's talk about RUN though.

RUN has similar sounds to I NEED U (like other songs from the same album) but what I wanna highlight is the sound resembling a faraway police/ambulance siren. It's best heard right at the beginning (around 0:05). Storyline wise, this siren would represent an alarm or signal of danger and throughout the MV you can see various instances fitting of this meaning with Suga & Jungkook fighting, V and Rap Monster getting chased by the police, Jungkook's car accident, etc.

From an exclusive lyrics point of view, they basically talk about being chase by the truth: that (their) love was a lie and thus they run, because they're still not ready to accept it. So the sense of being chased by the truth is accentuated by that faraway sounding siren, like when a police unit turns on their siren when chasing someone. On the other hand, we can also interpret it as an ambulance siren comming to get them because they're ill from their love.

That being said, both interpretation wouldn't be too farfetched if we also apply it to the MVs storyline, as we see V actually end up in a police station in STIGMA; Jungkook in a hospital in Love Yourself HIGHLIGHT Reels; and not to mention Jimin's and J-Hope's multiple introspective hospital bed /psychiatric ward scenes in RUN itself and LIE/MAMA short films.

And speaking of the Wings Short Films, throughout the series we can clearly hear sirens and eerie whistling that work as alarm/danger symbols and overall adding to the dark tone of each member's story.

Let's jump ahead to Blood Sweat & Tears though where you can also hear a siren that progressively becomes louder. The first instance it appears is through Jungkook's part right in the beginning.

For story purposes, it works as a symbol signaling that "something is about to happen". That "something" being the awakening/revelation that each of the members experience throughout the MV. Lyrics wise, that "something" is their surrendering to temptation. And speaking of temptation, alternatively that siren could be interpreted as the mythological creature "siren's voice" enchanting them. On that note, sirens were mostly depicted as a woman with bird like features that with a very sweetly voice would lull sailors to sleep and then kill them. And their name origin my come from the word "bind" in greek. Sounds familiar?

"My blood sweat & tears, my last dance take them all. My cold breath, take it away [...] Sweeter than sweet/ and Chocolate wings but your wings are those of a devil"

And the Japanese ver.: "Tie me up already baby [...] Please end it with your own hands"

Skipping further ahead into Spring Day, in the MV we can hear the departure bell for their "train of thought" which's destination is probably "where did things went wrong?" But speaking about the song itself, during practically the whole song you can hear this synthetic chord progression (is that what you call it?) Personally it was jarring to my ears at first, it's kinda like another kind of modulated siren (sorry I don't know how else to describe it). Anyway, it keeps repeating like how they keep going in circles inside their thoughts. This applies both lyrically (as RM mentions it in his part, and because of the persisting longing expressed in the hook) and visually through the members moving across different settings with each door they cross. Also, in the mv, towards the MV we can listen and see a train passing before Jungkook which could symbolize how his "train of thought" changed lanes and is no longer in a vicious closed circuit. Such change is reflected in the MV when they get off the train and lyrically in the last hook when they reach a decision (to meet on spring day) instead of just lamenting and wondering like previously.

Last stop before our final destination is NOT TODAY. For this one, you can listen right before Suga's rap a high pitch sound that fades away similar to when you have the sensation of a buzzing/ringing/beeping sound in your ears. This condition is called a tinnitus and according to google there's various causes but for storyline purposes, the ones fitting are:

-Natural aging (we see them all transition into adults)

-Certain drugs (J-hope in I need u/Mama/BST jp ver)

-When fainting (I Need U/ Save me: "save me before I fall" / Lie / Love yourself reel 3) Furthermore, it mentions drinking, smoking and stress can worsen the symptoms. In that sense, the ringing sound would represent a reminder of their "injuries and hardships" but since the sound clears out then they're "overcoming it" and Suga's rap right after matches really well with this interpretation. He goes: "No, not today, Today's too good to let it end"

So, back to my original reason for this post: the whistle in upcomming DNA. The teaser might've made it look to some that it might be unrelated to previous concepts. But personally I see a storyline progress throughout all of BTS concepts, it's just that they're just not necessarily in order and because they tend to focus more on the feelings rather than the actual events that cause them, people tend to find it confusing because they concentrate more on trying to understand the order of events rather than the feelings that are being portrayed.

But getting back on topic, recapping: in I need U there was a "synthetic whistle" which symbolized "fake love /un mature birds". Fast forward to DNA, and this time the whistle might be a representation of "real love" hearing how it's a natural sound and also holding a more positive meaning compare to previous similar types of sounds. And if we take into consideration the song title, the song could be about how "this love" defines each of them their uniqueness and/or how it's intrinsically part of them that they cannot change, in other words "unconditional".

Or I could be totally wrong and it's really just about Daegu's New Agust d (DNA) lamb skewers shop opening while Hobbie Eats Ramyeon(HER).

No, but seriously no matter whatever it turns out to be I can't wait for it. Anyway, this has been a long post of many ideas I've had for a while. Take note I don't have any formal knowledge in music nor a great hearing, so all this rambling is very subjective. So the way I described the sounds might be totally different for you, and they're not necessarily and most likely not deliberately produced that way by BTS and BigHit for the reasons stated above. So yeah, don't take it too seriously either. For me interpretations/theories are fun not because of deciphering out every single thing of what's happening and what the creator's view was but figuring out what it represents to myself.

Quick edit:

Did you all listen to the second teaser? There's that same growing siren from BST and some high fashion/classy vibes soundwise. There's some beeping sounds resembling HYYH era (check RUN and Dead Leaves for instance) and the experimental sounds in BEGIN. Visually too it looks very clean with backgrounds aesthetics similar to the wings short films. Well that's it for now, gotta get back to work.

[mewts-guide]

Insight: Mewt Keys- Happiness EP.01

Well, shit… I just want to talk, so I’m just going to talk.

I don’t have anyone at the moment to talk to, so i’ll just type it out and post it and see what happens from there.

I don’t remember the exact day or time or what, all the important things are missing from my memory.  Sorry.

Ive been working on a string of songs lately and this has got me thinking about what I actually want to convey with this pseudo album. I say pseudo album because I’m starting to think that working on albums right now, in my current condition and un popularity in the music scene, would not benefit me. I say this because it doesn’t do me any good to put all this work into albums when no one is listening to it. Doesn’t mean no one is ever going to listen to it, eventually (I hope) people will come around, but at this moment I need to focus on getting the people here.

So i’ll have this little piece of literature or whatever this is, to fill in the gaps where you can look into it and put two and two together pertaining to my music.

Let’s Talk about the first four songs ill be releasing ( have released??)

Most of these will be connected and have a story behind them and what that story really is.

Wrinkle In Time:

So, I started writing this song back in August 2019. I had just started getting into the synth wave thing and I’d say that I was fairly good at it but I wasn’t hitting it the way I was hitting house music. Theres another song that I started at this time and that song is “You” thats actually dubbed, “The Next Com Truise” because at the time that’s what I was shooting for and I never really listened to synth wave really aside from Com. So Com is the only artist I know that makes this kind of music. I know, I know… there’s tons of great synth wave artist. What I’m saying is, I only know Com Truise.

The only thing that stayed the same in Wrinkle is the beating pad that plays from start to finish of the track. Sounds almost like an oceans waves rushing up to shore and i like to think that the ocean is full of mysteries. 

The name came from Madeleine L’engles novel, “Wrinkle in Time.”

(Duhhh…)

But the reason why I chose this name is because of the actual story itself, not so much the story of the book but what it actually gets at. The ability to traverse time and space. There are a handful of books and movies i’d say that influence me to this degree and thats Interstellar (movie), Dark Matter by Blake Crouch and Wrinkle In Time, Timecop and this other movie where he kills people that were sent back in time from the future.( I honestly don’t remember the name of the movie.) The power to traverse space and time. The power that that gives you is insane when you really begin to think about it.

I often think about what i’d do if I could go back in time or travel to an alternate universe. Would you do things differently? I mean if you went back in time, we often don’t think that we could possibly relive our teens when we’re in our late 40’s. Let’s just say that if I traveled back to when I was fifteen, would I also be fifteen? This idea was planted in me after reading Dark Matter.

This is about going back in time to that day.

This is about going to a different dimension.

This is about the alternate universe.

This is about you.

The short vocal chops that drone on throughout the song constantly chant, “Not out there. Anywhere,” and, “She’s not out there. She’s not anywhere.”

The choice in these words was influenced by Blake Crouch’s Dark Matter being in that the main characters sets out to find his wife and son in an endless sea of universes, often times running into versions of his wife that never existed, never was and never will be. We see the character break and crumble after constant failure. I think this is what stuck out to me the most of this novel.

In L’Engle’s Wrinkle novel, this feeling was reinforced due to its similarities, but somewhat more fantasy based world had more of a lighthearted touch.

Im not sure but I think the book was for kids or young adults (I’m guessing that means Teens), so it doesn’t hit as hard as maybe it would possibly hit a kid. Also I’ve heard the movie sucked ass so I won’t be watching it at all.

The arppegiator that plays on the drop I built on serum and its called tesseract. Though you won’t know that unless you’re reading this. It’s you being taken to another time. it’s what traveling time might sound like.

The next songs are all that you might experience in your journeys.

You:

As mentioned above, You, is my introduction into the genre but I think is one of my more solid arranged tracks so far. I really didn’t have direction when I was working on these songs, I just want to make something a bit more playful and colorful than I had been doing with my House shit. The dubbed name of, “The Next Com Truise” came about because I actually thought this was going to make me stick out more in the music scene and somehow I’d be just a great or even better than Com Truise, which I think about now and have to disagree. Im even worried in the sense that people may think I’m just a rip off or copy cat version of him and his music, which scares me a bit because I do love his music but I don’t want to be considered a replica of something that is already great therefore would make me average or mediocre at best.

I want you to listen to my music and think, “This sounds familiar.” But stay because I’ve brought something to the table thats differed from other artist’s in the genre. If I have brought something different. I can’t be the judge of that.

I would consider this song to be sad but I’ve heard a lot of people just mention that the whole of these songs is just super chill and nothing too sad. I think at times, for the most part, people need to hear it through lyrics for sadness to translate well with the listener… Or maybe I just suck ass at translating that emotion through synths… I could be at blame here.

I wrote it to be a sad song.

I would say I’m generally a sad person. I don’t think it’s one of those things people do to be trendy or to have an excuse at being lazy or whatever the reasons are. I think I’m just a sad person. So when the name of the song is called, “You” I really mean me. I noticed I did this a lot throughout these group of songs, where I say you but I’m really talking about myself. I mean it in a way as in you as in me not you as in you, if that makes any sense. I hope I described that well enough for you to understand what I mean. I’m referring to the self.

There aren’t any lyrics to this song but I definitely play around with the idea. I wouldn’t mind adding some phrases or words into it, but I can never really catch on to anything. A part of me thinks maybe it’s because the song is done the way it is and it’s always been finished.

I guess…

Selver:

Im not going to spoil the whole story behind this one, so if you want to know, I suggest you go and read Ursula K. Le Guin’s novel, The Word For World Is Forest.

I had originally dubbed this track Outside, because the name fit but as I continued to write and work the track out, I was reminded of a forest and that forest was that of Selver’s home and planet. The version that was released, is different from what I had initially planned. Though I cant say which one I enjoyed more. If you do know of this novel or do read into it, let me know what you think. I’m always up for talking shop.

Maria:

This one I had named from the start and knew what I wanted to do with it from the beginning.

I wanted to talk about something that had been bothering me for a long time, but to be fair, I had also been asking for this to happen for a long time.

So i’ll get down to the core of the song instead of talking about exactly where this song came from instead.

I’ve often held on to the memory of less important things than those of importance, which is strange because you’d think a person would retain memories that made them happy rather than sad. I’m going on a whim here, I’m not sure if this is true, but at least in me I find that I hold on to memories that I find nostalgic, wether those be sad or happy and I’m not sure where this one sits, maybe somewhere in the middle. Importance usually has no play in if i remember or not.

Im trying to be honest with you guys, without exposing my true self to anyone who stops by and read this, whatever this is.

Im trying really hard to say goodbye to these memories and I think when I make songs like this I make it harder for myself to let go which drives me insane because I would love to just pour my heart and soul into this type of work, dust my hands off and move on to the next thing. But things don’t work that way with me.

With its chords and weird sounds constantly floating in and out, I tried to covey some sort of haze, like a dream. What inspired me to do this was a scene from Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker, where Snake is inside the A.I. pod pulling memory board from the unit and with each pulled board, the voice of The Boss is rambling on and on about lazy foxes and Japanese train stations. Where this gets me more is towards the end where she begins to call to Snake as, “John”.

Her voice slowly deteriorating.

This leads me to where I am now.

I had a friend like that, at least I would like to think so.

The first words I added were, “Are you feeling down? Take a potion or two. You’ve been lost for a few.”

I added this because this friend to me was a helpful and in a way an oasis of peace with often words of advice and comfort.

I don’t think at any point of our friendship she took a selfish stance towards me for her own personal gain.

I thank you for that.

“On my way. . . Not today.”

A slow curve. This was caused by me.

There were plenty of times where I had failed to commit to my promises.

“It’s been a while. Hey, it’s been a while. The last time you were off to bed, I got lost on my way but now I’ve been found.”

It really has been a while. I think this song is important for two reasons, it’s been a long time and it’s time to say goodbye. I think, at some point people need to let go and move on. After a while, I think this type of mentality is unhealthy and somewhat creepy. Im not say this person and I were romantically interested in each other but I don’t think it makes a difference at this point. The way I see this, or the way I would like to think I wrote this is that I let this person down.

Me going, “off to bed,” symbolized me being unaware. Falling asleep. My way of dealing with problems in real life is often sleeping, and we all know that that doesn’t absolutely nothing to change our situation. It only postpones it.

“I got lost on my way but now I’ve been found.”

Though she never let me lose sight, I failed to help. Someone else helped her and it wasn’t me.

“Are you feeling down? Feet off the ground? Take a potion of two, you’ve been lost for a few.”

Of course this a personal attack on myself. When feeling down, I often lose myself in fantasy. In a make believe world. Im floating around on auto-pilot and i’m not really there at all.

Often fantasizing about things that make no sense or things that aren’t, I’m not saying I sit around all day thinking about women. I sit around all day failing to accept things for what they are, often blaming others or things but never myself.

At this point in the song, things take a more calm favor.

What Maria is saying is self explanatory.

A lot of outside influence worked their way into this song alone. I’d say that this song is by far my favorite and there’s reason behind it. For one, I’m being honest artistically here. Im not hiding so much behind songs like Selver and Lemon Tree or even Ub!K.

Songs like Goodbye From Famicom Sessions, Lighthearted Farewell and Cosmic Interlude played a role in the creation of this song.

I really wanted to tell you that this song, is about something real that happened to me and maybe you’ve been there, maybe you will be there or maybe you won’t ever experience what I’m talking about here but either way I just thought i’d share with you, whoever you are that’s reading this.

This year I plan to work on a lot more releases like this and giving little bits of insight. Im lining up the next set of four songs to be released. I plan to be more honest with my words.

It’s time to let go and say goodbye.

[taylornock]

I waited 19 years for lollapalooza

its wednesday, and three nights ago - on sunday august 4th, the last performance of the lollapalooza festival weekend had just wrapped up; a beautiful concert by the female pop queen Miss Ariana Grande.

music has basically always been a HUGE part of my life; ever since my cousins showed me the fateful X factor videos of one direction that they had no idea would spiral into an unhealthy obsession of many years with 5 british boys who will never know my name or face. but that story deserves a whole nuther post!

i simply cannot imagine what the world would be like without the power of music. it is on literally everywhere, in every store + restaurant, in every car you step into, and playing in the streets of crowded cities with every breath of air you take outside. music is so common and so present in life that the mere idea of silence drives me up a wall; i have no appreciation for silence and almost always need music at least in the background so that silence is not so haunting as i make it out to be. i am blessed to live in a generation where if i want to hear a song, its not like i need to haul my ass over to the jukebox and dig for coins to hear it; i can crack open my AirPods…. (soft flex) case and queue it up on spotify in like, 20 seconds. sorry, i cant hear you was that someone poor speaking? (kidding)  as i said, i hate silence so much even cleaning my room is too much for me without some track playing even if i have heard it 300 times over.

the trend and infatuation with celebrities that plays a huge role in our generation also plays into the concept of music, as now just hearing our favorite artists / records is not enough; we now have access to unlimited media about their lives and who they are as people. not only can we hear their story through the music, but through all that they are willing to share outside of the studio. the ease and accessibility i have today is something i try not to take for granted.

theres something about music that makes you feel connected… connected to something, for lack of better word. the release of serotonin (science fuck ya) that is initiated when u hear your favorite song or your favorite voice is literally a chemical release triggered by something that you love. your body functions and emotions are connected when it comes to music! i think its cool, if i am even explaining this concept right. but, aside from science; nothing beats the feeling in your stomach when your favorite song is blaring. for me, when i hear the intro to Freaky Friday or Mona Lisa i feel like a new woman and am ready to go absolutely apeshit. when i hear the intro to cough syrup or the climb, my heart drops so low and i feel emotions i didnt know i needed to feel. when Feeling Whitney by post malone comes on, the ex i never had runs through my mind; and even though i relate to about 5% of what Post sings about in that song, it feels so so undeniably real to me and like i can sympathize with him through his heartache. im rambling clearly, but the main point here is MUSIC! IS POWeRFUL! TO THE SOUL BAYBEEE

so, furthermore, to explain the title. this past weekend i attended the lollapalooza festival in chicago with my mf sisters, my best friends.  + thousands of more people willing to pay over $400 for the music - or the instagram - either resonates with me. i talk about the connection you can feel with music, and literally NOTHING can surpass the feeling of that connection LIVE; when the artists that you have been screaming in the car to work everyday are there with you on stage, singing the same lyrics you feel like you may as well have written yourself at this point. concerts are one of my favorite things to do, as few things can make me as happy as i am when the band emerges onto the stage to start the set and that first beat hits to make you feel at home. this sounds cheesy and dumb but i promise its JUST HOW I FEEL I MEAN CMON youre telling me you wouldnt get chills hearing the first note of Redbone by Childish Gambino live? youre wrong. ~and not only do you feel that connection with the artist. but the people who are watching and singing beside you. i LOVE the concept of being able to talk to the homies around me who are all here for the exact same reason; to see the artist up on that stage. literally they could be anywhere in the world; but they are at the same damn festival and sweating it out in the same damn heat, dehydrated for the same damn reason you are…… to connect with the voice behind the albums they have on repeat. it will never not amaze me that 100,000+ people all come to the same place to hear hundreds of artists for four days. thats a fuck ton! i met lots of cool people this weekend, and even if i only talked to them for 20 seconds EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION mattered to me. its the little things. i will take my brand of being a people person to my grave and i love talking to people…. even if its an awkward interaction that makes me pee of laughter on Halstead Ln on the sidewalk (thats a story for the books).

the best best best best thing about this trip is that i got to experience it with my MOFO BUDDIES!!!!! i love these girls so much and i know i don’t say it enough - but they truly do mean the world to me and i have no doubt that without them there is no way the experience would have been the same. these are the girls that can make me laugh, that can make fun of things we shouldn’t make fun of together, that can turn a bike ride home into a 15 minute rave, and can make something like braiding hair so much fun. getting ready together every morning was so much fun, and i wish i could wake up and pour glitter in my friends hair every day. id be the happiest person alive!! i am not kidding you when i say i laughed harder on this trip than i have in MONTHS! everything was so funny, and maybe that was the exhaustion or maybe its because we are all (self declared) crackheads at heart. either way, i love these people so much because they can make the most basic things into crazy fun memories that i will never forget about. that dunkin donuts on the corner of diversey + halstead? i will forever associate with the foolery that elisa and i got into with the employees who didnt speak english and our dumbasses who couldn’t hear well enough to communicate through the accents. every time i get in an uber ill probably have a flashback to one of the weird drivers we had who either 1) hated us or 2) offered to take us to a dispensary for weed bc she thought we were cool. THERE IS REALLY NO IN BETWEEN lol. there are a million and 1 memories about the dumbest shit that will only be funny to the 5+ of us. so im not gonna put them here, just know that if u ever ask me to grab you a slim jim theres a 90% chance i will collapse in laughter because of a dumb 2 minute interaction in an Indiana rest stop that sent us all into hysterics.

i feel like these words are a little all over the place, but after a summer full of a stress + a year full of college stress and building anxiety, i didnt know how much i needed lollapalooza. i didnt know that wristband would make me so happy and have as much of an impact on my life as it did. i didnt know when i bought the ticket that this may have been the best weekend of my life, in 19 years. i waited 19 years for this experience and i didnt even know that it was waiting on me. and thats one of the most beautiful parts of life - you never know what the next day brings so you might as well say fuck it and do what you want or it will never come.

see you next year lollapalooza, shoutout to my parents for trusting me to navigate chicago by myself and have a weekend that ill tell your grandkids about some day. thanks for trusting me enough not to take street molly at the EDM stage! even though the offer was tempting, i listened to what you and D.A.R.E taught me about taking questionable narcotics from strangers.

“if someone offered me molly right now id honestly take it”

elisa, abby, julia, + chloe: id do a n y t h i n g to go back to last wednesday when we began all this. i love u all so mucho xx

xoxoxoxoxooxoxo

sad tender gossip girl; currently listening to sweet music by HOZIER wus good ????

[oh-imgrand]

the desire to be dead (reading this after writing everything and i’m sorry for being dramatic) has never been stronger. ironic time to be in this state considering it’s Christmas. let me be selfish for a day and depict my problems to be bigger than yours, but please do not think this as a plea for help or attention because I know all moments, as with this feeling of being completely dysfunctional, will pass. at the moment, there is not a bone in my body that sees any purpose in living (rather than just painfully existing). It’s just one of those times where being alive seems to be more of a curse than a blessing. call me ungrateful (alive without any ailments, having a roof over my head and being fed more than sufficiently- I have so much to be thankful for, I know) but we all have our own struggles that resurface now and then, some unfortunately more often than others. after all, are we all not just tangles made of different knots? i’ll probably feel better after writing this post, a much better alternative to feeding the demons in my head. just wanted to embrace whatever i’m feeling for once instead of running away from them and pretending they don’t exist. a very foreign feeling of writing out the thoughts in my head, don’t think i’ve done this at all this year. haven’t logged onto my blog for rants for as long as i can remember, i think i’ve forgotten the password. i read somewhere that there is beauty in vulnerability, and being one who builds up walls and shuts everyone out the moment I start feeling a negative emotion, I can’t say I understand this statement yet. i would like to believe i’ve mastered the art of weaving myself an impenetrable cocoon, where i’m able to deceive even myself of what i’m feeling.

between the prospect of not knowing how the rest of your story will play out and not having any regrets if you died tomorrow, i can’t decide which is more terrifying. each passing day has been becoming increasingly dreary, (for awhile now) i no longer seek any interest in keeping up with social media and what anyone is posting about (i sound awfully self-conceited), nor do i make any plans. now that i’ve typed this, approaching each day purposelessly seems to be a fairly dumb idea. it’s just that there isn’t anything for me to look forward to (i would very much love to drown myself in my EE text, but nowadays i don’t have the energy/drive to start anything) i’m in a void

my two cents on jonghyun’s death (not as a fan, but human to human): absolutely heart wrenching loss of a young, kind and talented soul, and a battle with mental illness. especially given that he had shared so many signs and been so open about his depression, no one reached out to him when he tried and tried and tried so so many times. you really never truly cherish a person until it’s too late, they’re gone and you regret not saying what you could have said/doing more. jonghyun thought that when a person commits suicide, they’re ending their pain and not their life. how it must have been like to feel there was no other way out, struggling while utterly isolated and helpless, not knowing what more you can do that made you feel like it was worth to end the pain once and for all. you’ve worked hard and stuck it out for so long, i’m fking proud of you for trying, being open and getting help, ever holding the belief that you’ll get better and you’ll get married one day. i’m sorry no one could be there for you, i hope you’re in a better place where you’re no longer torturing yourself. thank you thank you for the music you’ve worked hard on (your lyrics were beautiful) and given us, it was enough even if you didn’t think so. you did so well. there was someone who loved you for you more than you loved yourself, it’s a shame you could never see it. with your sacrifice, hopefully people will start seeing mental illness as an issue needed to be talked about. instead of treating it as a social stigma. just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it isn’t there. having an invisible force ripping you apart from the inside is much worse/confusing than seeing a wound and knowing exactly where the source of your pain comes from. (epiphany: this could possibly be a reason why people resort to self harming– to direct your pain somewhere else and translate it into something tangible, makes you think you’re not that crazy after all) 

people may say it’s foolish to be writing a condolence message to someone you never knew, but jonghyun’s passing hits closer to home (in no way am i self-diagnosing myself with any mental illness or trivialising the gravity of suffering from mental illnesses, but fortunately there are only days where waking up with the thought of why you had even woken up in the first place/wanting to cry for hours on end/realising that you’re all you really have/fighting with the demons in your head for way too fucking long is all too familiar) and writing about it brings closure. 

how lucky and fortunate it is for one to find something they’re passionate about. maybe i’ll know how that feels one day. perhaps things would be easier if there was something to keep me going, or even just being there for relief 

the more i feel like this, the more i question whether my mind is trying to mask the fact that i’m just downright lazy, and i’m using my feelings as an excuse for my lack of will to do my work. 

“if you ever learn to love, start by loving yourself first”– what if you were never shown what it was like to be loved? awhile ago, i arrived to the (wow shocking) realisation that i was someone very far from being a free-spirited person. maybe that’s just what i want to be in the end. (nts: free-spirited =/= carefree) 

this post is incredibly fragmented but i merely typed whatever random thought popped into my head. normally, i would have trashed a post that contained my ramblings/musings but today, i think i put too much effort to do so, so you’ll have to bear with this post. there was no other conceivable platform for me to be comfortably raw on. eventually, my head will (hopefully) be in a better place. for now, i cant wait for school to start and get lost in a pile of assignments and deadlines. at least there wouldn’t be anything else i need to focus on. hopefully everyone else had a better Christmas 

(to lighten the mood, let me just say that the layout of typing a post is really soothing. don’t worry, i’ll be fine, consolidating my thoughts and getting all this toxicity out of my system may help me focus on more pressing matters. sometimes, it’s not that bad to be left alone with your own thoughts– something i’ve grown to enjoy. sorry for the profanity which is very unlike me, but there was no better word in mind to express my disarray of feelings at that precise time) 

not all is bad, i promise I'll still keep trying to look for the good and beauty in things and people. if anything's going to change, it has to start with myself. in posting this, I suppose I've taken a step towards getting rid of the negativity/letting it get irreversibly far into my head.

[patriotnewsblogger-blog]

Bob Dylan On The Road To Damascus

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Bob Dylan On The Road To Damascus

Bob Dylan’s Nobel Prize lecture was pretty good.  I was first struck by his account of his artistic epiphany, his own Road to Damascus moment. It happened at a Buddy Holly concert:

He was powerful and electrifying and had a commanding presence. I was only six feet away. He was mesmerizing. I watched his face, his hands, the way he tapped his foot, his big black glasses, the eyes behind the glasses, the way he held his guitar, the way he stood, his neat suit. Everything about him. He looked older than twenty-two. Something about him seemed permanent, and he filled me with conviction. Then, out of the blue, the most uncanny thing happened. He looked me right straight dead in the eye, and he transmitted something. Something I didn’t know what. And it gave me the chills.

I think it was a day or two after that that his plane went down. And somebody – somebody I’d never seen before – handed me a Leadbelly record with the song “Cottonfields” on it. And that record changed my life right then and there. Transported me into a world I’d never known. It was like an explosion went off. Like I’d been walking in darkness and all of the sudden the darkness was illuminated. It was like somebody laid hands on me. I must have played that record a hundred times.

This is a religious story, don’t you see? Dylan then talks about how he entered into an artistic apprenticeship, teaching himself the folk and the blues canon. These songs gave him a framework for understanding his calling and expressing it. Once he mastered contemporary music, he didn’t stop there:

I had all the vernacular all down. I knew the rhetoric. None of it went over my head – the devices, the techniques, the secrets, the mysteries – and I knew all the deserted roads that it traveled on, too. I could make it all connect and move with the current of the day. When I started writing my own songs, the folk lingo was the only vocabulary that I knew, and I used it.

But I had something else as well. I had principles and sensibilities and an informed view of the world. And I had had that for a while. Learned it all in grammar school. Don Quixote, Ivanhoe, Robinson Crusoe, Gulliver’s Travels, Tale of Two Cities, all the rest – typical grammar school reading that gave you a way of looking at life, an understanding of human nature, and a standard to measure things by. I took all that with me when I started composing lyrics. And the themes from those books worked their way into many of my songs, either knowingly or unintentionally. I wanted to write songs unlike anything anybody ever heard, and these themes were fundamental.

Specific books that have stuck with me ever since I read them way back in grammar school – I want to tell you about three of them: Moby Dick, All Quiet on the Western Front and The Odyssey.

He goes on to discuss those three novels, and how they affected his understanding of the world, and in turn, his music. One of the greatest popular musicians of the 20th century, the recipient of the Nobel Prize in Literature, got his start in what we now call classical education — one that gives the student “a way of looking at life, an understanding of human nature, and a standard to measure things by.”

Here’s part of his description of The Odyssey. He makes it sound like a folk song. He makes it sound like real life:

In a lot of ways, some of these same things have happened to you. You too have had drugs dropped into your wine. You too have shared a bed with the wrong woman. You too have been spellbound by magical voices, sweet voices with strange melodies. You too have come so far and have been so far blown back. And you’ve had close calls as well. You have angered people you should not have. And you too have rambled this country all around. And you’ve also felt that ill wind, the one that blows you no good. And that’s still not all of it.

Let me not take away from you the delight of reading the whole thing.

Again, I read this as Dylan’s mingling religion with art. What is this story but a retelling of St. Paul on the Damascus Road, then after his conversion, using his deep knowledge of Hebrew religion to both break with the tradition and extend it in new and revolutionary ways?

Isn’t this what all serious religious pilgrims and truth seekers do? After their epiphany, they submit to tradition — not just the more recent tradition, but big-T Tradition. They know that books and works of art and teachings that have survived for so long must in some way speak truth about the human experience. You know my own story: how I found my own troubled life 21st century life, and the way out of the dark wood, in the 14th century Commedia of Dante Alighieri. Not a week goes by in which I don’t think in some way about how our own life today is in some profound ways a repetition of events in the Commedia. Because that’s what real art does.

In a lot of ways, some of these same things have happened to you. You too have been thrown out of your community for things you didn’t do. You too have made an idol of a woman, and suffered because of it. You too have been spellbound by the voice of a charismatic teacher who led you wrong. You too have faced a wall you could not break through, until divine assistance came. You have seen the hard faces of the damned, and heard the sweet consolations of those grateful for mercy. You learned that things you used to believe were important actually don’t matter. You have won hard wisdom, and faced the temptation to rest too early, before your journey’s proper end. And that’s still not all of it.

This is also the journey of the religious believer. There are those who wrongly believe that the Damascus Road moment is the end of the journey, and that they do not have to submit themselves to any tradition, or root themselves in any commitment. For them, their religious journey is a lifelong attempt to recapture the thrill of the Damascus Road. But notice: St. Paul’s journey only began on that road. He had incredible adventures ahead of him, in the service of the Lord he met on the road to Damascus. In truth, if you are to understand the meaning and purpose of Damascus Road, you need to start listening to those who have walked it before you — and even those who sought the light but never found it there, and those who found it but veered off into a dark wood.

If you do, maybe you will be able to receive the grace from the Creator that allows you to participate in His creation through making great art. And the greatest art is the artwork that is your life.

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[thesinglesjukebox]

LCD SOUNDSYSTEM - CALL THE POLICE [3.71] Man, we didn't particularly like anything today, did we?

Tim de Reuse: Sixteen years ago, James Murphy's first single as LCD Soundsystem was about poking fun at the stylistic pretensions of people younger than him; over his next three albums, he gradually perfected the persona of the slightly schlubby, tired, middle-aged dude who's supposed to be too old for this "dance music" shit but sticks around nevertheless. He wrote vague songs about age and disillusionment and partying and New York and got on the in-store soundtrack of every Blockbuster from coast to coast. Between the releases of Sound of Silver and This is Happening, ten trillion articles were written on how supposedly uncool his beard was. I was curious how this so-unhip-it's-actually-hip-'cause-he-knows-he's-unhip image would adapt to the latter half of the twenty-tens; unfortunately, it didn't. "call the police" addresses the current state of things with a noncommittal cry of "Whoa, this is all pretty crazy, isn't it?," culminating in a climax that confuses reference with commentary and comes off as more confused than incisive as a result. These rambling, indulgent rants worked when they were self-obsessed and self-deprecating, but attacking 2017 with the exact same technique just doesn't make any goddamn sense; in the space where previous tunes were achingly nostalgic or monstrously clever all I'm getting off of this one is a feathery, sarcastic message of half-worry. All that said, this isn't a bad song; It sounds as gorgeous and punchy as Murphy's arrangements have ever sounded, and an energetic enough I - IV - I Bowie worship session will do it for me any day of the week. It's just that every time I hear Murphy proclaim that it "gives him the blues" when people "argue the history of the Jews" I feel like listening to the numerous songs off of Murphy's last album that did this kind of thing better but weren't so ill-conceived. Or, better, I could just listen to Bowie. [6]

Alfred Soto: The guitars pull James Murphy backward where (when?) he wants to be: the teen listening to The Cure's "Push," conscious of history, unaware that fifteen years hence he'd write a song commemorating that history -- a history as biography. I suppose Murphy gets credit for picking up where he left off. Nothing on "call the police" sounds like felonious, much less like a misdemeanor, despite those guitars. [4]

Thomas Inskeep: Like U2 if they actually had rhythm, with a bassline so epic it could be peak-era JD/NO Peter Hook. The guitar line sounds equally of Pulp and Blondie. And I love that they can pull this off live, flawlessly. Perhaps this is just the comeback we need in 2017. [8]

Claire Biddles: Like an mp3 of "All My Friends" that has been copied over and over again until all of its defining features have washed away into the ether, "call the police" is so old and dull and long that it makes me want to start using proper capitalisation in my tweets again purely as an act of defiance. [1]

Edward Okulicz: This song's harmless, anodyne chug suggests no criminal intent, danger, or even edginess at all. I give two points because part of it reminds me of "Dakota" by Stereophonics, in a good way. The rest of it also reminds me of landfill mainstream indie rock from the mid-2000s, and not in a good way. [2]

Rachel Bowles: Sounds like the Strokes. Not what I want from an LCD Soundsystem song, especially one referencing Berlin and Death From Above (1979). It all sounds very indie 2007, but not LCD Soundsystem 2007 sadly. Gimme Get Innocuous and Losing My Edge. Maybe I'm too auld. [4]

Maxwell Cavaseno: Call the police, more like call the coroner, 'cause I thought we finally put James Murphy down once and for all!?!? Like the one ugly awful band of my adolescence that was adjacent to bands I wanted to listen to and not the people who made my childhood neighborhoods to expensive to live in (Refused, for the record) LCD Soundsystem did some documentary/concert putting a pin on their supposed legacy, despite the fact that people generally thought they had one 'good' (mmm... dubious) single. LCD Soundsystem are a band comprised of taste... Not of their fans, of Murphy, constantly showing the right moves, the right things to sound like. Here he's doing a ghastly fake Bowie voice invoking viruses and Berlin (at least he did the grace of letting the cancer take him, hearing this would've been all the more painful) while the bass thwacks obnoxiously and the guitar twangs in a way to scream "POST-PUNK BRAAAAAAAJJjjjjddddoooYOUUUUULIIIIKEEEEEANCUHHHRRRTZZZMEEEETOOOOOBRUUUUUUUUUUUH" at us while we do our best to feign politeness in the hopes this selfish asshole will go away. Seriously, why are all of his songs badly done Neu! grooves with fake Springsteenian lyrical blather that NEVER GO ANYWHERE AND NEVER STOP. In fact, don't call the cops, call someone to fumigate the rotten buzz of this record. [1]

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