#if i had a nickel everytime ryan kopel played one of my favourite autistic characters id have two nickels

[asexualenjolras]

Ryan Kopel as Evan Hansen is one of the most incredible casting choices made in the world of theatre, and I need to talk about it.

Before I start, I want to preface by saying that I understand that Evan is a complex autistic-coded character. That being said, though, I really do see parts of myself in his character ... and especially in Ryan's portrayal of him. As someone that also has pretty severe anxiety and is autistic, it was really refreshing to see someone similar to myself, and my struggles, on the stage played with so much care and delicacy.

Ryan's Evan stims, he walks on his toes, he struggles with eye contact, he stutters over his words, he doesn't pick up on Jared's jokes and he looks visibly lost whenever he can't think of the right thing to say (or anything to say). And the thing that I found most interesting about his portrayal was the mask that he gave Evan whenever he spoke to the Murphys. He forced himself to speak even when he was struggling, and his voice would change to a deeper, more socially acceptable tone. His posture would change entirely, his stimming would become more subtle (little tugs at his shirt or strokes of his fingers) and he'd appear more confident, even though we, as the audience, know that he isn't.

Masking is something that I rarely see portrayed right, but Ryan as Evan did it so well. And I cannot get over it. I will not get over it.

And then there's the overstimulation that we see Evan Hansen go through: he puts his hands up over his ears, with his eyes darting around the room for an escape while bouncing on his toes and flailing around. His 'Words Fail' was on a whole other planet - the desperation in his voice and the genuine pain as he screamed the words. Oh. My. God. I'm never recovering.

I think my favourite thing, and the most important message that I've taken away from the show, is that Evan Hansen doesn't mask in the final scenes. He's completely himself. And that's okay. That's absolutely okay. You don't have to lie or change yourself to live and you will always be found.

Anyway, thank you to Ryan Kopel for (once again) taking so much care with the characters that you play. It really did make me feel found.