#if i gotta update this again i will straight up make a new pinned post bc otherwise this will get out of hand Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

All In 15

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, power imbalance, low self esteem, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: you meet a mysterious man on a night out with your sister. (petite!reader)

based on the winning option for this poll

Characters: casino owner!Bucky Barnes

Note: Okay. Back again.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

You sit up as the faucet runs, the bathroom door slightly open. You look around, searching for your own shoes, not these annoying heels. As you get up, Bucky emerges, swiping his hands over his dark hair. You gulp and stop short. You gape at his shirtless torso. 

“You going somewhere, doll?” He asks. 

“Um, yeah, home,” you tear your eyes off of him. 

“Home? It’s late.” 

“I know but... my mom...” 

“I bet she’s asleep. She won’t know the difference, doll. I can’t let you go off into the night like that,” he insists as he comes closer. 

“But I...” you scour the room for your purse. You really don’t know how you’ll explain it all to your mom. You can’t go home in this dress and makeup. “I have to--” 

“Who say? You’re an adult, aren’t ya? You can stay.” He comes close and puts his hands on your shoulders, “you’re not gonna leave me all alone, are you?” 

“Bucky, I...” you chew your lip. “I had fun...” 

“But you can’t stay and snuggle. I get it. You’re a special girl, maybe I just don’t deserve ya,” he frowns. “And I’m not gonna make you stay but I can’t let you go off alone. So let me get dressed and I’ll drive you home.” 

You look at him. Your chest tweaks. He did all this for you. He’s already half undressed for the day and you can see the fatigue around his eyes. To be honest, you’re exhausted yourself. 

“No, I can’t-- I’ll stay,” you try to smile but you’re too nervous to do more than show your teeth. 

“You don’t gotta feel sorry for me,” he scoffs. 

“Sorry for you?” You pout, “no. How could I—what would I feel sorry for?” 

His throat bobs and he looks away, “you really are a sweet girl.” 

“Bucky,” you step closer, then stop yourself. You notice the muscles in his chest. He’s so strong and big. It’s distracting. “I’m just me. I... you—you own this whole place, why would I feel bad for you? It’s not... that. I’m just...” your lashes flick and your eyes drift down to his muscled stomach. You tear them away in shame, “nervous.” 

“Nervous,” he looks at you, almost bashfully as he keeps his chin tilted down. “About what?” 

“Well, er... everything. You. I... I’m just... it’s all so new, that’s all.” You twist your hand around your finger. “I didn’t mean to... hurt you.” 

He stares at you and takes a deep breath. He stands up straight and comes closer. “Aw, doll, no. Don’t give me that face. It makes me want you even more. To show you that you don’t need to be nervous. I wanna take care of ya. That’s the deal, isn’t it? I’m gonna give you everything you could ever dream of and all I’m asking is for you to keep being sweet to me.” 

He brings a hand up to cup your chin and you shiver. His thumb rubs along the line of your jaw as you peer up at him, “come on.” 

He gently urges you toward the bed. You put your hand on his wrist and stop him. You run your touch down his forearm. 

“I can’t sleep in this,” you look down at the dress. “Too tight.” 

“Ah, you want one of mine, doll?” He chuckles and reluctantly pulls his hand away. 

He turns and strides to the closet. To your surprise, there are clothes inside. Some of them you recognise from the racks of dresses you browsed earlier. He reaches inside and takes out a black button up. He comes back to you as he slips it off the hanger. 

He hands it over and you thank him. You feel the fabric, it’s soft. It’ll be nicer than the pinch of the seams. 

“Can I unzip ya?” He rasps. You sense the tension in his voice, as if he can barely get it out. 

“Oh, sure.” 

You turn your back to him, as much to hide your own burning blush as to hide from the heat roiling from him. You wince as his thumb brushes your skin and he slowly pulls down the tab of the zipper. You quiver out your breath and clutch the bodice of the dress as it slackens. You look at him from the corner of your eye. 

His fingertips trail up your spine and he steps closer. You brace yourself. He sniffs and pulls his hand away. 

“I’ll close my eyes,” he puts his hand over his face and turns on his heel. 

You don’t move right away. His presence is like a noose. You step away from him and put the shirt on the bed. You shimmy out of the dress and swipe it quickly off the floor. You put the shirt on and button it up. You unhook your bra and slide it off one arm at a time before pulling it through it free from beneath the fabric. 

You gather up the shirt and bra and clear your throat, “you can look now.” 

He accepts your invitation eagerly. He looks at you. Nowhere else but you. As you carry the clothing to rest on the dresser, he hums. Your legs tingle as they’re exposed to the room and him. They were before but now you feel even barer. 

As he approaches, you wrench back and face him. He stops to step out of his pants and you watch him in disbelief. He has only his dark briefs left. The twitch under the fabric gives you a start. You squeak and hurry for the bed. That’s not because of you... no, but... 

He follows. You climb up just ahead of him and his weight dips beside you. You push your legs under the covers as he reaches back to flip the light switch beside the headboard. The lamp goes out and he groans as he jostles closer. 

You lay down and just as quickly you’re locked in his embrace. His warm breath fans over your cheek as he nestles in close and brushes his nose along your cheek. His hand traces up and down your side and he clutches your hip. He pulls you flush to him. You can fill him—it—moving against your thigh. 

“Doll, ain’t this nice? Just us, just snuggling,” he purrs and tucks his hand under you, hooking a leg around yours. “I wish it could last forever.” You hum, unsure what to say. He kisses your cheek and hushes your silence, “sweet dreams. Don’t think I could sleep any better than next to you.” 

🃏

Sleep shrouds you in a shallow void. You can sense everything around you. Your mind won’t let go of your strange surroundings or the man next to you. Before you open your eyes, you try to convince yourself it was all a dream. 

You open your eyes to find the truth vivid before you. Bucky entwines himself in your as he snores into your hair. His arm is hooked around you and you’re not sure you’re okay about his hand being where it is. As you squirm, he kneads your ass. 

You reach back to stop him and he growls. The sound makes your chest twinge and you arch your back as his fingers curl deeper into your soft flesh. You cling to him as he holds you close. 

“Mmm,” he drones groggily, “you’re so warm, baby.” 

He rocks his pelvis and you feel just what you did the night before. He’s hard. The realization freezes you. You gulp and put your other hand over his thigh, squeezing him through the blankets. 

“Bucky,” you squeak, “Bucky?” 

“So good,” he continues to tilt his hips in a lewd rhythm. 

You turn to look at him, pulling back to see him. You’re caught in his hold. His eyes are closed as he lays beside you. Is he asleep? 

He continues to roll into you. You don’t know what to do. You’re embarrassed and helpless. He keeps on as you babble and blink up at the hotel ceiling. He grunts and jerks, shakes, then stops altogether. You shudder. 

“Bucky,” you say louder as you writhe in his arm. 

“Mm, ugh, huh,” he mutters as you tap his shoulder frantically. “Doll, what’s--” 

You look down as you feel something wet seep through the shirt. He releases you as he leans back and lifts the blanket. He peeks down and quickly sits up. Before you can say a word, he swings his legs over the edge and stands. He storms into the bathroom and the door snaps behind him. 

You gape after him. When at last you can move, you drag the blanket away from the mattress. You look at the wet spot on your shirt and push yourself up. You’re not sure but you are sure. It can’t be anything else. You’ve heard of it happening to men in their sleep but you always thought it only happened to teens. 

The door opens and you pop your head up. Bucky comes out with a towel around his waist and his hand on his forehead, “doll. I’m so sorry. I was dreaming and...of you, of course, but I got carried away. I didn’t mean to—I didn’t realise...” he swallows and closes his eyes. He tilts his head and drops his arm, “I’m so embarrassed.” 

“Uh, oh, I... I... well, I guess it happens, right?” You can’t look at him.  

“Well, not really. I gotta be honest, I mean, after this, there’s no point lying but... this doesn’t happen to me. Not often. Not since... well, it was a while ago,” he explains. “I guess you just do that to me.” 

“Erm, oh, I... I’m sorry?” You say. 

“Sorry, doll,” he chuckles and nears the bed. “Baby,” his voice grits in his throat, “do you know the last time a woman made me feel anything? At all? You got me feeling all sort of ways,” he exhales with a quake and reaches for you. 

You look at him as he latches onto your arm. He pulls you to the edge of the bed, “come here.” 

“Bucky--” 

He forces you to your feet and wraps you up in a hug, “I mean it, doll, I’m crazy for ya. And I’m tryna be patient but... you can see, I’m struggling. Huh? Can I have a little? Please.” 

You bat your lashes and dare to look up at him. His blue eyes are blazing and his cheeks are slightly tinged pink. Your stomach is flip flopping. 

“I...” you push your lips together and swallow, “what... what exactly... um, what did you want?” 

He trembles as he brings his hand up your arm and over your shoulder. He cradles your head and lets out another purr, “can I taste it? Please?” 

“Taste?” You echo thinly. 

“Baby, you don’t gotta do nothing. Just lay back, right? It’s like kissing. Mhmm. I’ll just be doing it...” his eyes drift lower and his nose furrows as if he’s snarling, “down there.” 

“I... I never...” 

“Promise, I’ll be nice. I just wanna try it. Alright? You say stop, I’ll stop, but baby,” his nails graze your scalp, “I’m getting hard again. It hurts.” 

You stare up at him, speechless. What do you say? What can you say? You’re in this hotel with him. The reason you’re there and could just as easily be the reason you’re not. And he’s you’re only way home. 

All of this, the room, the casino, last night, it’s all because of him. He gives and gives and you don’t see how you can keep taking. You squeeze your thighs together as they tingle. 

“Okay,” you whisper. 

“Okay?” He twitches. 

You nod as your eyes flit back and forth, “er, what... what do I do?” 

He exhales and puts his hands on your shoulders as he parts. He guides you back to the bed until your thighs meet the side, “you just sit, doll.” He shoves you down until you’re on the mattress, “I’ll do the rest.” 

You keep your eyes straight. Your body’s all locked up. You can’t move. He gets on his knees and moves toward you. He reaches under the shirt and grabs onto your panties. He tugs. 

“Help me out, baby,” he growls. 

You lift yourself slightly, just until he gets them past your bottom. You fall back down heavily. You’re buzzing in disbelief. He rolls your panties down your legs and off your ankles. He flings them away. 

He pulls your knees apart and you squeak as cool air grazes along your exposed cunt. He bends forward and kisses your thigh. You squeal. 

“Baby, I promise, I’ll be nice,” he speaks against your skin, his warm sweat smearing up your leg, “just be good. Be good for me, baby.” 

He shoves his head under the shirt and you exclaim as his tongue swipes up your cunt. You slap your hand against his head and thrash. He reaches back to hold your hand against his hair and buries his face into you. He hums and flicks his tongue. It sends a thrill through you. 

Your toes curl and your muscles strain. He keeps his tongue moving, and you push your head back as you lean your pelvis into him. Oh, wow.  

[knifeturtlelives]

My Writing - Masterlist

making myself a new pinned post so you can find all my OFMD writing in one place 💜

Canon Era:

gotta see a man about a dinghy (G, 2k) - s1e09 missing scene. Ed mugs a guy for his dinghy and gets to enjoy 10 seconds of happiness before everything falls apart.

Ed. Oh, Ed. (T, 4k) - Takes place between s1e10 and s2e02. A few different glimpses of Stede's "Ed. Oh, Ed" dreams. Technically a WIP, but each chapter can be read as a standalone.

Of All the Gin Joints (T, 10K) - Diverges from canon sometime during Impossible Birds. Basically, what if Ed went for a drink at Jackie'z while Stede was still working there?

Picture Taken Moments Before Disaster (M, 4k) - s2e07 missing scene. Still living in the afterglow, Ed and Stede walk over to Jackie'z for that drink, and Stede is very smitten.

Post-Canon/Post Season 2:

can't keep my hands to myself (I mean I could, but why would I want to?) (E, 5k) - Ed and Stede retire from piracy and attempt to open an inn. Or they would, if they could stop fucking for long enough to get the place into shape.

Oh, be my once in a lifetime (E, 7k) - An extremely soft + emotional look at their first night in the inn together, with rimming.

The way I feel under your command ( E, 13k) - Ed develops something of a Blackbeard kink, but he's not sure how to broach the subject with Stede (or, an exploration of the Ed/Blackbeard duality, by way of porn)

choked up, face down, burnt out (E, 3.5k) - Ed asks Stede to play a sexy game with him, and he is unprepared for the consequences (fam it's just a straight forward orgasm delay/overstimulation fic)

I know what they're thinking, 'cause I'm thinking it too (E, WIP) - Some highly valuable stolen loot leads to a surprise encounter with one of Stede's childhood friends—who just so happens to be the (very hot) black sheep of the Badminton family. At first, Ed is jealous, but soon they start to bond. Now Stede's feeling a bit green, so naturally Ed decides to have a little fun with it. Updating weekly!

Modern AUs

Come What May (T, 9k) - After a break up, Stede goes over to his best buddy Ed's house for a movie night. Is tonight the night that Ed finally tells him how he feels? Maybe, but expect 9,000 words of panic attack first. Modern AU, mutual pining/oblivious friends-to-lovers

I've got a blank space baby (and I'll write your name) (E, 7k) - Edward Teach is an expert at breakups—he should be, he's gone through enough of them over the years. He has a whole ritual for getting over someone. But when he goes out looking for a bit of meaningless rebound sex, he finds something else—something he never could have prepared for: Stede Bonnet.

Boys only want love if it's torture (E, 12K) - A follow-up to Blank Space, but it can be read alone. After 3 blissful months with Stede, Ed is suddenly ghosted without a word. Now, he's finally starting to feel like himself again, and he goes out to the bar in search of his usual rebound sex ritual. Only, Stede's at the bar tonight, and he wants Ed back. (Happy ending guaranteed!)

[ender--slime]

random little merch update i guess:

merch items will never take Creative Priority over my silly projects like cookiefish or the analog horror or video essays or Out of Game/Save Game or one off things like the puppet show. or even just Generally Drawing and Animating. but it is my job!! so it takes some form of priority! but that doesn’t mean i can’t have fun with it!

in terms of small merch items, i’m currently working on migrating all of my stuff from etsy to the same BigCartel that the captcha bags are currently on. this involves taking nicer photos of everything and bumping the prices down since etsy just straight up steals the money of sellers and i won’t have to worry about that anymore on bigcartel!

new stuff is also on the way! i have some Genesis Frog quicksand shaker charms being made, some Mettaton CD charms, and i’ll probably make some charms of my Mayor sticker because there needs to be more Mayor merch in the world. once the dave polaroid drawings are all done i’m gonna print those and have those as a fun polaroid set, like the ones on the omori merch site! ive got a general mettaton drop planned as well, including the CD charms but also some normal acrylic charms, some poster prints, and some other stuff! i’ve also got some handmade stuff in the works, small homestuck trinkets for display (that i think are quite funny) and cute little hand sewn dice bags themed after characters and HS aspects!

in terms of Big Merch. of course the pink and purple bags are still being made!! just waiting on those, but they should be all done soon and then i get 500 bags in my house to ship out one by one :p EEK

i have the blue and yellow samples now, and those come right after i’ve shipped out every pink and purple one!

i also have the consort pastel sweater and the horrorterror black sweater! i have the consort one already, and i’m currently getting a sample made for the horrorterror one. i honestly have no clue whennnn i will be able to open preorders for those because i’ll have to slot them in between bag drops (blue and yellow and then. black and red or whatever other mystery color i choose for that one. and then pink and purple again)… but i’ll figure that out!

and then after those. hoo boy. i have another piece of apparel in the works… non homestuck this time!! it’s an undertale thing that ISNT mettaton! i can do other things!! see!! it’ll be both a button up short sleeved shirt and a nice pullover sweater. but i have a bad bad habit of taking on tooooo many projects at once (i am the most stressed and depressed guy of all time right now) so that one comes LATER. Later. we will get to it when we get to it!! after all these other thangs

so ya!! projects on projects on projects cuz i gotta pay bills but if i become a “content creator” i’ll [REDACTED] so!! i’m excited about all of these! these will all be fun even tho they are stressful :)

and ofc my other non merch projects. my normal art stuff. will continue forever and ever !!!!

i don’t really have a good pinned post describing who i am and what i do, or even a decent website (i have a carrd i guess) that puts all of my projects in one place. so i’m currently working on a funky website as well! so hopefully soon all of the stuff i make will be in one spot for ease of uh. looking at them HEHEHE

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S5 Ep 20: Pharaoh’s Cool New Trick

Digging my way through quite a pile of commission work (funny how these things only come all at once or not at all), nearing the light at the end of the tunnel, was looking forward to some free time to catch up on my many little side projects when I was asked to take off for a weekend to do some cat-sitting to which I would NEVER say no to a cat, so like...Rip this blog I guess, we only update like once a week nowadays, but what do you do?

That’s right, play Puzzles and Dragons! The only phone game worth paying any attention to! Where they just released Pegasus on their Yugioh Collab and he looks pretty great!

So I’m just gonna take a second for some art appreciation, because the Puzzles and Dragons art team is just A++++ honestly, and yes, I did pull 13 times to get a Pegasus in my monster box, and yes, he is a completely insane team leader that is absolutely broken when paired with Yugi (the numbers are so satisfying) but...look at him. He looks so good!

(also I finally got Joey Wheeler, and so now my gatcha cravings are settled. And, don’t worry, I play this game so much that I was there during Christmas when they offered like a bajillion stones for free so I didn’t actually use real money on this.)

Now PAD also released a Weevil and Rex, and I don’t know why, and neither does the art team because they still look pretty good but in comparison to all the mains, they sure do looks like just some shorty guys in some casuals.

though I gotta admit, I want to learn how the hell this art team does swooshy effects, because man, that would make my art so much better to just have flames violently exploding out of all my art. Why am I not doing that more often? I have the technology.

anyway, I didn’t bother trying to pull them. Maybe I’ll accidentally pull them when they eventually release a Duke Devlin. (also, RIP to the fact that Roland will probably never be in Puzzles and Dragons but like...I can only send them so many polite letters covered in stickers pretending I’m some 10 year old child and writing in my broken Hiragana “Roland in PAD?”. Thems the breaks. (They also might not remember who Roland is.))

Shoutouts to the card that Weevil is holding that is censoring this nipple on the booby spider, PS.

So because this is not actually a Puzzles and Dragons blog, and it’s been ten eons since I regularly updated so I could remember episode to episode...where the hell were we?

That’s right, we’re on an island now. This show’s wonderful obsession with evil islands (and spoiler, this is one of the few Yugioh Islands that doesn’t explode at the end. Mostly because Kaiba isn’t here to do it or this place would be cinder)

(read more island stuff under the cut)

Anyway, after announcing “hey guys! Screw islands!” Yugi immediately collapses and without any warning.

Apparently the armor is a big ol parasite, which is something that Yugi is so used to at this point that he refuses to admit that this is a problem. Just normal Muto stuff, refusing to tell anyone that he has a serious illness going on underneath that giant mass of hair.

(the sailor moon vibes coming off this weird orb energy)

Sort of feels like a call back to S1 when Yugi was clearly possessed and everyone else was like “He acting weird to you?” except it’s S5 and everyone has learned to never trust Yugi when he says he’s fine and they are responding like he is about to die. Which is correct.

Outside of the cave falls this scroll that is...glowing, I guess. So they open it up and get a bunch of hieroglyphs that give them the “riddle of light” and like youknow...it’s riddle stuff.

They’re doing this riddle for “wings.” And it’s like...everyone’s monster here has a set of wings or an ability to fly. Every single monster except for I dunno, flaming swordsman? Hell, Yugi himself had two sets of wings when he fused with Dark Magician (which was weird, and I still don’t like to think about what technically was going on there.) But we have to go and get ourselves even more wings.

Weirdly, Joey turns to Tea and does something that in any other show would be completely normal. He was like “you want to stay here with Yugi, don’t you?” and it was the first time Joey has ever actually addressed the fact that Tea and Yugi are close. Uncharted territory. I was amazed at the amount of casual shipping that is happening here. It’s almost like a normal ass relationship.

So the boys decide to go off, and be boys and tackle this themselves. And they shouldn’t have, because Tea is smart for this group, and also has the only healing spell.

Like if you’re playing D+D you wouldn’t typically leave your only healer behind. Just saying.

Also like...Grandpa Muto went with them? I guess he’d have to since he’s the translator but also...kind of weird to leave your grandson dying in a cave, but maybe that’s just the Muto lifestyle.

Do not be fooled by my caps, no one has addressed the Bakura in the puzzle for 3 seasons. I’m starting to think this show will never address the Bakura in the puzzle. Which honestly, that would be hilarious if they made a big deal out of that plot point and then couldn’t use it in the end.

And speaking of plot points that kind of come out of nowhere and don’t make full sense with the continuity of the show--Joey has regressed back to the 4th grade.

Hey show? What?

So like if you love Joey, this is not the arc for you, because this arc he is reduced to a Himbo and nothing else. Straight up didn’t know what an echo is, but is very strong and pretty, I guess.

This inevitably happens with any TV show becuase different people make different parts, and I’ve brought up before that sometimes it feels like some teams only have loose post-it notes of what any character should be like at any given point (ESPECIALLY with Seto Kaiba’s timeline) but like...

...Personally I’m mot so fond of this interpretation of Joey, kind of ignores Joey’s best traits, and makes Tristan look way too smart in comparison (and like I always pinned Tristan to be the Himbo of the group, but maybe it’s because they give Tristan so little else to do?)

And like don’t get me wrong, Joey’s a dumbass a lot of the time and needs to get corrected by his pals...but...to the point he doesn’t know what an echo is? He’s a dumbass in a High School student sort of way, youknow?

Anyway, they get down to this big ravine, and they have to destroy this stone while the light passes over it. Kind of feels like a Breath of the Wild shrine quest, actually. In fact, I think Breath of the Wild recycled the shadow/sunlight pathing quest like 4 or 5 times. (I love Breath of the Wild to death but boy did they run out of ideas at the end there.)

They have to fight a glass monster and it’s kind of like...do you know the game Balls 3D? probably not, but it looked like a bunch of random shapes stuck together like a 90′s animation. They basically went to war with shapes.

Pure Himbo energy, has several pokemon, but punches for his pokemon instead of using them. A power move if I ever saw one.

Youknow that would make pokemon a lot more interesting if you could like throw out your pikachu, and then choose to just physically run up to your opponents Eevee and sock it in the jaw. Raise of hands--I know you all would love a version of pokemon like that. Let Ash Ketchum punch a Ratata.

Bro has informed me that Ash does do something like this in the anime. But I’m not talking about the anime, I’m talking about the video game. Give me the option to physically combat my rival. This is what I want, Pokemon.

They discover a way to break the monolith, and the show thinks we’re like actually 7 years old (because the show is Y7, although I forget because it deals with so many dark themes) so the show is going to hold on to this puzzle for a while...just to fill time. And it’s fine because we gotta switch over to Pharaoh anyway.

Yami has this dream again. He attempts to fuse with Dark magician to overcome the dream, but alas, he is still not strong enough.

Yugi wakes up in this murky cave while Tea is out washing out like...some rag? (he’s also still got a rag, so I guess multiple rags were required for how sweaty Yugi is.)

Yugi says “I feel like I’m a new man!” a lot in this episode, and every time he calls himself a man like he’s some sort of adult it’s very funny to me.

And then this plot lore dropped.

I mean I guess inevitably it had to happen...

But man, end of an era. It was freakin hilarious while it lasted: that Pharaoh refused to read ancient Egyptian because it’s like 2002 and he is a High Schooler living in Japan and he actually doesn’t WANT to resolve the mystery of the puzzle. Maybe the people who made this arc don’t know about how in S2 and S3, the fact Pharaoh couldn’t read Marik’s back tatt was like...a really big issue. He couldn’t read the God card, he couldn’t even read that massive tablet that read “HEY PHARAOH THIS IS LITERALLY YOU”. KAIBA had to tell him how to read the God card for him. Freakin Seto “Magic is a lie” Kaiba had to tell him how to use the God Card because Pharaoh couldn’t read it.

But like...Pharaoh finally gave in at some point after the world was devoured by the Leviathan, and before Kaiba finished building Kaibaland (which was already built in S1 but wtv)

The timelines on this show have always been a mishmash...but this one is just like...

...show are you trying to convince me that at any point in this show after season Zero, Pharaoh had any idea what he was doing? Did he sap that brain energy straight out of Joey Wheeler so he could do this?

Wow.

(secretly hoping he forgets how to read Egyptian after this arc is over and the show goes back to the other development team)

Pharaohs reasoning is that, if this is the riddle of the light.....

....then where is the riddle of darkness????????????

and when Tea was like “Pharaoh that is not even remotely logic. Omg it’s so bright outside, lets go back to gross cave.” and Pharaoh was like “Tea! You got it!” and she was like “What the hell are you talking about?”

Not gonna lie, I saw the Orichalcos green, and I got concerned.

Anyway, Yugi gets very frustrated and was like “ugh, lets go save em. They’re gonna die (again.)” and marches down there as if he didn’t pass out an hour ago.

And he fuses with Dark Magician again while everyone else (including his grandpa) was like “Yugi are you freakin kidding me? The suit freakin kills you omg! Tea you had one freakin job!”

And then we get the plot twist that...I mean it makes sense but it was choreographed in a confusing way.

And out of no where this guy shows up again:

So this mysterious man shows up and says “If you don’t succeed you have to live here forever” which...nice...that would probably save the world a lot of problems if Yami got locked away and took his OP puzzle with him. And then this man also says “if you do succeed you become VERY POWERFUL” and Yami was like. “...”

This whole episode had a theme to it, where Tristan and Joey were trying to prove that they could do things on their own and without Yugi’s help. And honestly...felt a little bit misplaced. Yami’s the same guy who murdered Yugi last season with the Orichalcos so like...

...I mean he is probably more reliable than Tristan who once died and turned into a robot monkey for 10ish episodes.

and then they flew into a glowing door.

Folks, this was wild to look at.

This is wild.

And at this point I closed Photoshop and thought I was done. But then I looked at my timeline on the video and was like...wait...there’s more?

and I’m really glad I kept watching because it went back to Alex, who...is apparently just still at those steps in this haunted ass Pyramid.

Now we’re watching Yugioh.

I forgot for a second when they turned Joey into a Himbo and made Pharaoh literate, but we’re back. I mean...

...look at the liner art on this adult man.

So...I posit the question...has Alex spent the last 2-3 episodes doing nothing but applying eyeliner to his face in the dark? Because he absolutely has. And honestly, the vibe of being in a spooky haunted pyramid with barely any light, just applying eyeliner down the edge of your face...that’s a Yugioh vibe, if I ever saw one.

This arc is wild. Anyway, next episode we do even more fetch quests and riddles? Just going to guess now that we probably will.

(and for those new here, this is a link so you can read them from the top. Which, since we’re in S5, means you got like...hours of Yugioh content to read through. Enjoy the rewards of my weird hobby.)

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[i-am-a-bad-influence-writes]

The Dutchess’ Garden - Part 4

Series Masterlist - Chris Evans Masterlist - Full Masterlist

Pairing: Chris Evans x OC Emma Meijers (typical Dutch girl. Blonde, blue eyes.)

Warnings: Explicit language, fluff, not really smut but kinda.

Word count: 1902

‘Okay, so come around 6:30? We can eat dinner together?‘ ‘Sure.‘

‘What are we watching,‘ Emma asks while shoveling another piece of pizza into her mouth. Chris doesn’t want to think it’s adorable, but it’s adorable. ‘Dammit, can you eat normally,‘ he laughs. She sees her eyes peek up, ready to say what has to be said. ‘I know, I know, language.‘ ‘That’s what I thought,‘ she says sternly, but he can see her smile just a second later. How did she manage to get him under het thumb this fast? And why doesn’t he mind at all? ‘Back to movies,‘ Chris says, ‘do you have any suggestions?‘ ‘I dunno. What are you up for? We can watch something funny like Not another teen movie, or something touching like Gifted, or something like Red sea diving resort, or-‘ ‘Are you going to name every single film I’ve ever done?‘ She huffs. ‘I didn’t even get to the Marvel movies,‘ she whines, ‘but yes. And as someone who thoroughly enjoyed Knives out I need to know if you still have your knit sweater from that movie. Because you won’t after I leave tonight.‘ ‘I do not own that sweater and even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you,‘ he smiles. She rolls her eyes in fake annoyance. ‘I’ll just take another one to hold hostage,‘ she says and walks over to him, grabbing his shirt by the hem, ‘like this one.‘ ‘You wouldn’t dare,‘ he says with a grin twitching on his lips. She steps a little closer to him. They’re only inches away from each other and Emma wants to pull him down and kiss him so bad, but she won’t. ‘You sure about that?‘ ‘I am fairly certain you wouldn’t be able to, even if you tried,‘ he leans down a little as a joke to tower over her, hoping to intimidate her a little. What he forgot is that Emma is a firecracker. She’s not easily intimidated. In fact, she steps closer so her chest is against his and she has to lean back to face him as he leaned over her. ‘I thought we agreed that I’m stronger,‘ she tries to say it seriously, but bursts into laughter and the moment is gone. She walks back to her seat. Chris tries to laugh along, but he feels a bit strange. Did that just really happen? Did she just do that? He wanted to kiss her, but she made a joke out of the situation. The mood was good, but she manipulated it to her will. ‘I’ll show you strong,‘ he says menacingly. She watches him with wide eyes as he walks over to the couch, grabs a blanket, and walks over to her. ‘Oh no,‘ she breathes out and jumps off her chair, ready to start running from him but she’s too slow. He’s already captured her in the blanket. He picks her up and throws her on the couch. Then, he flops down onto her. ‘I’m stronger.‘ ‘No, you’re just heavy,‘ she whines, ‘get off meeee~.‘ ‘Never.‘ ‘Okay, fine, you’re stronger,‘ she finally admits. Chris gets off her and she pulls her arm from under the blanket to show her crossed fingers. ‘Oh you little-‘ Before he can grap her she jumps over the back of the couch, racing through the house with Chris hot on her heels. Laughter fills the room until the third lap around the couch. She picks up a cushion and hits him with it. Not hard, but hard enough to surprise him. ‘Shit, did I hurt you,‘ she asks worried when he doesn’t move after she’s hit him. She drops the pillow and walks over to Chris, reaching for his face to check if he’s alright. He plays along, pretending to be hurt, but when she’s close enough he scoops her up again and pins her down on the couch, leaning over her body and holding her hands above her head. ‘You lost.‘ ‘Asshole,‘ she laughs. ‘Language,‘ he warns. ‘Dickhead,‘ she smirks. Chris puts both of her hands in one of his and starts ticking her, holding her down with his body. Her aggressive laughter and pleas fills the room. Dodger starts barking and runs over, pushing Chris’ leg. ‘Yeah, get him Dodger,‘ Emma tries to yell, but the dog doesn’t understand it through her laughing. Finally, Chris stops and Emma’s face falls into an angry frown. She crosses her arms, but he knows she’s just playing. ‘Okay, I’m sorry. You can pick the movie.‘

Chris has to admit he didn’t expect her to pick a movie that he didn’t star him. He was fully convinced she’d choose one that he played in to tease him back, but she didn’t. Instead she put on Coco and curled up against him. It was nothing like he expected. When the night got colder, she had coyly asked him if she could borrow a sweater anyway and Chris had said yes without thinking twice. Even after she told him he’d never get it back. He wrapped her arms around her to keep her warm and kissed the top of her head mindlessly when he heard her sniffles near the end of the movie. And suddenly the end of the night was there. Chris let her out after she insisted she could walk herself home. He didn’t want to let her walk alone, but knew he’d only strain their relationship if he forced himself on her. He finds himself back on the couch with Dodger’s head on his lap, trying to explain his feelings to the animal even though it won’t understand a word he’s staying. He looks nothing less than confused. Just a few minutes later, the doorbell rings. Dodger runs over to the door and starts wagging his tail like crazy. For a second, Chris wants to ignore it but Dodger doesn’t look that excited for just anyone. He peels himself off the couch and walks over to open the door. Without really paying attention, he pulls open the door to see a very sleepy Emma with her arms wrapped around herself, holding the sweater towards Chris. ‘I forgot to actually give it back,‘ she laughs, ‘and if I don’t do it now, I’ll probably forget.‘ ‘Please put it back on, you look like you’re freezing,‘ he begs her, pushing the sweater back to her. ‘I don’t want to.‘ ‘Listen, you were bugging me about the Knives out sweater earlier. This one looks like it, just keep it,‘ he tells her, not understanding why she has to be so stubborn about a damn sweater. ‘But if I keep it, it won’t smell like you anymore.‘ Her eyes widen when she realizes what she just said. ‘Oh no,‘ she whispers. Chris takes a step closer to her, taking his sweater from her and wrapping it around her shoulders. ‘You like the way I smell?‘ His lips play an amused smile as he watches Emma go into full panic mode. She takes a step away from him. ‘Ehm, I gotta go. I have a lot to do tomorrow. By the way, I won’t make it to our run tomo-‘ Chris grabs her arm, pulls her back in and gently presses his lips on hers. The kiss isn’t wild or deep, but just their lips together feels like electricity running through. Their lips part and Emma’s eyes go wide again. A blush is pulling up on her cheeks as Chris admires her with a small smile. ‘I like the way you smell too,‘ he admits. ‘I’m sorry, I have to get my head straight,‘ Emma tells him, handing him his sweater and almost running away, leaving Chris feeling confused. Did he read her feelings wrong? Was it all purely platonic?

It has almost been a week. A week since the kiss, a week since Emma disappeared and The Dutchess closed. Robert called Chris for to meet somewhere because he knows it has something to do with him. It has to. Those two were basically eye fucking each other the first time they met. They ended up in Chris’ garden to keep it private. ‘Why do I get the feeling all of this has something to do with you?‘ Robert stares Chris down, not a bit of niceness in his voice. He sounds nasty, like he’ll do something to Chris and he will. If he hurt her, that is. Emma is like family to him and he’ll treat her as such. If Chris took advantage of her, he’ll make it right. ‘I didn’t do anything,‘ Chris argues, ‘I don’t know what’s going on.‘ The two stare at each other for what feels like forever. Then Chris’ phone goes off. ‘Yes?‘ “Hey Chris, it’s Tom. Listen, I just met up with Emma and she asked if you and Robert were coming to the party Monday since she hadn’t heard from either of you.“ ‘You met up with Emma? Where is she?‘ “Well, she just took a plane back to the Netherlands. She’s been visiting family in Europe.“ Chris looks up at Robert. ‘Visiting family in Europe you say? Listen, I’m here with Robert. I’ll put you on speaker.‘ “Hi mister Downey. Emma said that you’d know about the party. She said it’s an annual thing and she felt sad that she hadn’t heard anything from either of you. She thought you would’ve seen the post by now.“ ‘The post,‘ Robert asks. “Yeah, the Instagram post on the private page of The Dutchess.“ Robert pulls out his phone and goes to the page. This is the first time Chris hears anything about a page. ‘What’s this page you’re on about?‘ ‘Don’t bother asking him,‘ Robert snaps, ‘it’s a private Instagram page that keeps members of The Dutchess updated. A better question is how you got into that page Tom.‘ “Oh, I’m a member of The Queen’s Garden. It’s the British version in England. They’re all owned by the same family.“ ‘Well that’s new,‘ Robert mumbles and shows Chris his phone, ‘let Emma know we’ll call her to confirm we’re going.‘ “I can’t tell her. She already left. I think you’re better off just calling The Dutchess or calling her dad. She told me you have his number.“ ‘Okay, thanks Tom.‘ “No problem. Have fun at the party.“ Chris stares Robert down, waiting for an apology he’s never going to get. ‘I forgot about that,‘ Robert admits, which is as much as an apology as Chris is going to get. ‘But there is something going on between you two. I’m certain of it. You wouldn’t be the first one to fall for her.‘ ‘What do you mean?‘ ‘She’s charming and beautiful. There has been more than one occasion where her father blacklisted a member because he was making moves on Emma.‘ ‘I-I’m sorry?‘ Robert sighs. ‘To name a few, Tom Cruise, Channing Tatum, Hernry Cavill got close to being blacklisted,‘ Robert sums up. ‘You’re forgetting about Hiddleston,‘ a voice calls. The two of them turn around to see Emma walking towards them, Dodger already circling her feet. ‘Emma, you’re back,‘ Robert says quite unbothered. ‘Hi, welcome back,‘ Chris says, opening his arms for a hug which she happily walks into. She presses a kiss to Robert’s cheek and sits down with the two. ‘As I said, you’re forgetting about that time with Tom Hiddleston,‘ she says, ‘my father almost blacklisted him because our way of friendship is flirting. He has no interest in me whatsoever. I’m not his type.‘ She says the last thing while looking at Chris. ‘He prefers my niece.‘ ‘I thought you’d be home Monday,‘ Robert says. She looks at him with a smile. ‘I was supposed to be home Monday, but I realized I left someone hanging at home,‘ she explains, ‘so Chris, can I take you out sometime? Preferably tonight at seven?‘

[battenthecrosshatches]

Not really an art question but I recently decided I really want to learn how to draw (better). But I don’t know where to start. I’m so overwhelmed by the possibilities and everything the internet offers that I still haven’t really started... do you have any tips?

Ooh! I’m very excited for you! For sure! I ended up blathering away so this is long. See under the cut.

Fun: most importantly, make sure you’re enjoying drawing. It takes practice, and while you could get better by just grinding away miserably, that’s not motivating. The more you’re enjoying the hours you’re putting in, the more likely you are to actually put in those hours, the more you’re going to see improvement! Pick stuff to draw that you like!

Studies could be a good starting place. They teach you how to look at images and translate it to paper. What do you want to draw? Comics? Portraits? Pin ups? Find images of those types of things and use them as references or for studies. I love starting with studies to build my mental inventory. For example, I want to get better at drawing kisses, so I decided to find some images and just straight up copy them as a drawing. After, when I tried my freehand at it, I was able to recall certain proportions or angles, the way things looked, and I think it showed improvement. (I just posted these if you wanna check ‘em out). In school, they taught us an exercise they called “master copies” and we’d literally copy as closely as we could paintings or drawings by the masters. This teaches you how to analyze what they’re doing, what you’re seeing. If you’re overwhelmed, pick some images to study, and make it fun by choosing art or photos that you enjoy looking at. This will hopefully help you get your feet wet and boost your confidence to explore from there. Obviously, do not post these as your own original piece or without credit where it is due. Use it as a tool. To be honest, I also haven’t made up my own mind about how appropriate it is to post drawings you’ve done referencing specifically peer/contemporaries’ art. So approach that specific situation with careful thought. I think there’s a lot to learn there, but it does get into a murky territory.

Don’t bite off too much to chew! If you’re completely new to drawing, probably don’t make your first goal a 10-page polished comic. It’s going to be tough to finish, and probably won’t make you feel good when you can’t hit that mark. Instead, maybe try for a panel, and grow from there.

Tools: the only tools that really matter are your eyes and your brain and your hands or alternatives. Of course fancy art supplies are sexy and I love those too. But you can absolutely improve without them, especially starting out. An expensive brush does not an artist make. Also, I genuinely love the cheapest bic ballpoints. 

Volume: Draw a lot. If you don’t like how the first go at a portrait looks, grab a new piece of paper and start over. If you don’t like how that one looks, try again. This might seem tedious, but every time you do that, you’re teaching your eyes and hands new things. And you learn something different from each one. Maybe you nailed the nose in one, but the fold on the shirt in the other. If you were doing a third, you could take this knowledge and try to amalgamate it. It’s also a matter of odds. You’re more likely to have a good drawing in a batch of ten, than in a batch of two. And if you’re doing this, count the “bad” ones as successes. You needed to draw the first three ones weird in order to get to the one that you finally like. It all builds.

Ugly Drawings: Don’t be afraid of them. If it’s ugly, toss it to the side and start anew! It can’t do any damage. Don’t give it that kind of power. Plus, it’s still valuable. Maybe one tiny detail of it is good. Maybe it’s your warm up and now your hands are moving more smoothly. Maybe it is hot garbage, and you needed to get it out in order to continue on. You’re now that much better at drawing that one thing, and next time it will be lukewarm garbage instead. That’s progress! You only get better at drawing if you’re drawing. One drawing doesn’t define you as an artist.

This is in tandem with Volume and Ugly Drawings: 1. Don’t compare yourself to other artists. We’re all at different stages and learning different things and have our unique value. 2. When you inevitably compare yourself to other artists anyway, keep in mind that for every post you see, there’s X number of versions that artist probably did before deciding to post the one they did. Don’t look at artists’ online galleries and think that is the end-all be-all of their process, and don’t expect your process to look like that either.

TLDR: Just draw, draw, draw, and try to have a positive attitude. You gotta find a way to enjoy it, or what’s even the point?

Off you go anon, draw to your heart’s content! Have fun! Keep me updated on your progress if you like! If you want me to elaborate on any of these points, or like do a little image on how I generally do studies, I would be very happy to.

[bluezey]

Inside Onward:  Typical Morning

It’s finally here!  It’s just the first chapter, or specifically, the first scene from the film.  But with the twist that we get to see what’s going on inside Ian’s head.  So, yeah, this is a crossover of sorts between Inside Out and Onward, as we see there was another story going on inside Iandore Lightfoot.  There’ll be more chapters to come, I hope, and I haven’t decided if I’m gonna update the story periodically or post when I get the rest of it finished.  Until then, read, enjoy, I hope, leave comments, all that stuff.

The familiar chime of the smartphone alarm rang through headquarters.  Followed by another familiar wake up call of a chipper voice exclaiming, “It’s morning!  It’s morning! Wake up, sleepyheads!  It’s the big day!”

Fear was stirring out of his slumber in his bed, rolling onto his back as he rubbed the sleep from one of his eyes.  “Oh, do we have to?” he thought to himself in a grumble.  His eyes shot wide open as he sat straight up in bed.  His mind just woke him up with the instant realization that this is the day, a big important day!  Quickly, Fear jumped out of bed and changed into his clothes, buttoning up his red flannel shirt, slipping into his short denim jeans, and tying his blue sneakers on nice and tight.  He struggled a bit getting his Willowdale College sweater on, having to tug to get his pointy purple elf ears and long thin nose through the collar, but thankfully succeeded and smoothed the wrinkles out with his hands.  He gave his curly blue hair a good brushing before checking his reflection in the mirror.  The blue pompadour was resting perfectly, even with his purple nerve popping out at the part on the back of his head.

“Come on guys!”  Joy voice echoed through headquarters.  “Today’s the day!”

Fear took a double take as he saw the three emotions, Sadness, Disgust and Anger, about ready to leave their shared bedroom.  Never wanting to be the last to leave, or the second, Fear quickly placed the digital watch on his wrist and grabbed the notepad and multi-colored pen off his nightstand.  He raced for the exit, barely pushing past Sadness, before slowing his pace to a steady yet leading walk down the ramp to the headquarters floor.

“Okay everyone, today is the day,” he began announcing, as he already began scribbling fresh new notes down on paper.  “Do we have everyone present?  Anger? Disgust?  Sadness?”

“Here,” Sadness called out in his quiet, melancholy voice.

“You don’t have to do roll call every day, Fear,” Disgust had to comment in his own snippy way.  “We’re not going anywhere.”

“Not like we have a reason to leave, anyway,” Anger added in his grouchy tone as he began crossing the floor towards the console.

“Okay, and Joy?  Where’s Joy?”  Fear looked up from his notepad and began looking around.  “Has anyone seen Joy?”

“Right here!”  Joy raced from the console and made a beeline towards Fear, leaving a trail of glittering particles of yellow energy in his wake.  He stood straight in front of Fear, grinning ear to ear.  Fear couldn’t help but notice Joy, as his perkiness made him jump a bit.  He collected himself and continued, “So, how was dream duty?”

“Another perfect dream,” Joy reported, following Fear as they walked towards the console.  “It was a classic, wonderfully calm dream of stargazing.”

“Relaxing, I like that,” he commented, writing Joy’s report into his notebook.  He stopped right in front of the console and asked, “So, where are we now?”

“Ian’s just finished in the bedroom,” Disgust replied, pointing up at the screen in front of them.

Fear looked up from his notes, he paused a moment as he looked at the image onscreen into the outside world.  Onscreen was a reflection in the mirror, and in that reflection was an image of Ian, a sixteen year old elf boy, just finishing putting on his dad’s old Willowdale College sweatshirt as he gave himself a little grin into the mirror. Fear smiled, along with the other emotions, as the vision onscreen turned from the mirror to the corkboard in Ian’s bedroom, where on the calendar listed today as Ian’s sixteenth birthday.

As Ian exited his bedroom and began to head downstairs, Fear turned his attention to the other emotions. “Okay gang, let’s make this sixteenth birthday the best sixteenth birthday Ian’s ever had.”

“Ian only gets one sixteenth birthday, Fear,” Disgust corrected.

Fear gulped as he felt the anxieties run through his body like frantic butterflies.  “Don’t remind me…”

“Morning, mom,” Ian called out.

The emotions looked up in unison at the screen.  “Oh hey, it’s mom,” Joy pointed out, as Fear could feel a warm glow from behind them. He turned to look out the window, into Ian’s mind world, and a small collection of Islands of Personality standing along the horizon.  Fear smiled as he saw Family Island burst to life, showing the yellow core memory of Ian’s family is working.

“Oh, and here comes Blazey!” Joy cheered.

“What?” Fear turned back just in time to see the pet dragon leap into the screen.  It was a blur of chaos as Ian fell to the ground, happily laughing as Blazey pinned him down and licked his face.  “Evasive maneuver!” Fear called out as he leaped for the controls, only to find Joy was already at the console.  Fear stepped back, a nervous smile on his face.  “Oh. Uh, nice reaction time, Joy,” he mumbled his comment.

“Why thank you,” Joy chimed back.

Ian climbed back up to his feet as his mom, Laurel, greeted him with a “Happy birthday, my little man,” and covering his cheek with kisses.

“Ew, she’s doing it again!” Disgust gagged before pushing Fear out of the way and taking control.

“Ew, mom,” Ian cried out before breaking free and wiping off his cheek.

Fear pushed himself back by the console.  “Disgust, I know we don’t like mom’s kisses, but I need to be…” The emotions looked up silently at the screen as Laurel was looking back at Ian.  Fear finally broke the silence with a whisper. “Should we be worried?” he asked, pressing a button on the console.

“What?” Ian asked.

“You’re wearing your dad’s college sweatshirt,” Laurel replied.

Disgust commented as the other emotions breathed a sigh of relief, “Oh, right.  The sweatshirt,” she commented as she flicked some switches on the console.

Ian looked down at the Willowdale College sweatshirt he was wearing over his red flannel shirt.  “Oh, well, it finally fits,” Ian said as he shrugged it off.

Laurel lit up with such joy as she approached Ian.  “Oh, my little chubby cheeks,” she said with such motherly love.

Disgust stepped back. “Ew, she’s coming back.”

“Stop her!” Anger snapped as Fear dove onto the controls.

Ian stepped back before Laurel could hug her.  “No, mom. I gotta eat breakfast before school,” he said, adding a chuckle.

Fear looked confused, until he glanced over at Joy on the other side of the console turning a dial or two. “Joy,” Fear spoke up, getting her attention.

“What?  It’s mom,” Joy explained with a smirk as she held up her hands.

“There’s nothing to eat?” Sadness asked, overhearing Laurel.  “That’s sad.”

“That’s not fair,” Anger grumbled.  “How are we supposed to survive school without food?”

“We’re gonna starve,” Sadness sighed.

“Not on my watch,” Fear said as he took over.  Ian opened the fridge door and was met with a pan of delicious finger foods for the party.

“Yum, boars in a blanket.” Joy instinctively pressed a few buttons.

Fear panicked. “Joy, what are you doing?”

Laurel playfully smacked Ian’s hand away.  “Don’t touch those, mister.  Those are for your party tonight.

“Now look what you did,” Fear reprimanded Joy.  “You got Ian in trouble!”

“Sorry, they looked so good,” Joy sheepishly excused his actions.

Ian instead grabbed a carton of milk and began to pour himself some cereal.

“How bout inviting those students from the science club to your party?” Laurel suggested to Ian.  “You said yourself they were pretty rockin.”

“I didn’t say it like that,” Ian replied, as his Disgust rolled his eyes.  “And besides, I haven’t asked them.”

“Well, it’s your birthday, it’s the day to try new things,” Laurel encouraged Ian while prepping a protein shake in the mixer.  Just as she turned it in, Laurel asked aloud, “Speaking of new things, have you signed up for your driving lesson today?”

“No!” Ian shouted, before nervously lowering his voice.  “No, I haven’t.”

Sadness glanced over at Fear, who was shaking like a frigid leaf, his eyes wide as he thought about the very idea of Ian driving.

“There’s no reason to be scared,” Laurel told Ian.

“I’m not scared,” Ian replied.  Joy pressed a few buttons, and Ian changed the subject.  “I’m gonna move Barley’s game.”

Joy glanced over at Fear, the frightened purple emotion was stepping back from the console and placing his hands under his arms.  “Relax,” Joy told him gently.  “Ian’s sixteen now.  He needs to drive.  He’ll be okay.”

“Okay?  Okay?  I know he’ll be okay,” Fear stammered.  “I just want him to be safe, I mean, okay.”

“Don’t worry, it’s Ian’s big day,” Joy assured Fear.  “What could happen?”

“HALT!!”

“NO!!” The emotions were shocked as Ian was suddenly scooped into a big bear hugging arm lock by his older brother Barley.

“Get him out of there! Get him out of there!” Fear ordered as he jumped onto the console, the other emotions scrambling for controls.

“This again?” Anger snapped.

Disgust gagged.  “He reeks!  Doesn’t he ever shower?”

Ian struggled to escape, but instead kicked over his cereal and watched helplessly as it fell to the floor. “Oh no,” Sadness thought softly as Ian slumped in defeat.

Fear started flailing his hands, darting his head back and forth to all his emotions.  “What do we do?  What do we do?  Why is Barley so strong??”

“Move over!” Anger barked as he punched Fear out of the way, sending him flying away from the console. The angry red emotion was literally steaming from atop his head as he cracked his knuckles.

“You know, Ian,” Barley commented boldly, “men of your age would prove their manhood by taking the rite of passage through the swamps of despair.”

“Oh, I’ll show you despair!” Anger roared as he took control of the console.

“I’m not testing anything,” Ian snapped back, sounding more like a gurgle through Barley’s headlock. “Now let me go!”

“Let him go, Barley,” Laurel called out from the kitchen, more of a comment than a command.

“Okay,” Barley said with a shrug, letting Ian go, as well as letting Ian drop onto the floor in a thud. “I know you’re stronger than that. There’s a warrior inside you, you just have to let him out.”

Fear finally climbed onto his feet, he looked up to see Ian struggling to climb onto his knees as well.  The purple emotion’s eyes grew wide, he stepped back slowly, then broke out into a quick, frantic nervous pace across the headquarters floor.  “Oh no… no no no no no, this isn’t right, this isn’t right…”

Joy caught the sound of worrying, leaving the console to the other three emotions, as they’re just now helping Ian quietly pick up his spilt cereal as Barley and Laurel broke out into another wrestling match.  “Hey, hey,” Joy calmly told Fear in his cheerful tone.  “It’s alright.  It’s just cereal.”

“It’s not the cereal!” Fear stopped pacing and placed his hands under his arms again.  “Okay, it is, but it’s everything!  Ian gets only one sixteenth birthday, and it’s chaos before it even started!”

“Relax,” Joy assured him. “It’s just another normal day.”

“But it’s not a normal day,” Fear replied frantically.  “It’s a birthday!”

“You’re getting stressed out, and Ian hasn’t eaten yet.”  Joy took Fear’s hand and they both sat down on a couch beside them.

“It’s my job to get stressed out,” Fear said, frustrated as well as anxious.  “I’m a Fear.”

Joy paused a moment, a thought rolling through her head, causing her smile to grow more melancholy. “Look, I shouldn’t make things worse, but, the guys…” Joy motioned to Sadness, Disgust and Anger at the console. “They’re talking about you again.”

This again.  Realizing where this is going, Fear quieted down and sank into his seat, wrapping his hands around his sides.

“Don’t get me wrong, you’re doing great.  You’re a great Fear.”  Joy paused a moment, trying to sugar coat it.  “But lately, you’re being… too good.  Again.”

“I can’t- I can’t-“ Fear began calmly.  He paused to collect his thoughts, brushing his hands up his face and through his hair. He sighed, almost seethed.  “Ian’s life is just so chaotic lately.  His school, his driving lessons, his brother. ….. that,” Fear added, pointing to a red light currently dormant on the console.

Joy chuckled, realizing he was pointing at the puberty alarm.  “That?  Don’t worry bout that.  That hasn’t been an issue since sex ed class.”

Fear shuddered so hard, a little flurry of purple particles shook off his body.  “Don’t remind me.”

Joy laughed, seeing how that at least broke the tension for one of them.  It gradually quieted into a grin when Fear finally gave the tiniest of grins back.  Joy placed a comforting hand on Fear’s shoulder.  “Look, Ian’s fine for a few minutes.  He’s just making some toast,” he commented as they both looked up at the screen.  “Nothing bad can happen from that… not even cutting himself with a butter knife.”

Fear chuckled a bit. Yeah, it’s kind of silly to be scared of butter knives… but, they are knives… and they can cut through butter…

“Why don’t you sit back here for a minute?  Clear your head.  Maybe a quick break is just what you need.”  With that, Joy stood up and walked back to the console, leaving Fear on the couch.

Fear closed his eyes, tilting his head back that it hit the back of the couch.  It made it so his neck look like it was at a ninety degree angle, thank Alora emotions are made of pure energy and not bones, so it didn’t hurt, maybe pinch a little.  He finally opened his tightly shut eyes, starring up at the mural of stars and some planets painted on the headquarters ceiling.  Well, most of them, somehow Joy managed to slap a couple of those cheap plastic ones onto the ceiling too.  He smiled, Ian sure did like space.  He stood up from the couch and walked across the headquarters to the large pane window in the back, overlooking the wide, vast expanse of the mind world.  Fear looked at the hardwood floor of headquarters. And the shelves, holding necessities for their job, from idea bulbs to mind manuals, to the newest memories they made that very morning.  While built like compartments pocked both organized and disorganized like the old headquarter shelves, they were lined with a strong wood paneling to match Ian’s bookshelves in his bedroom.  In fact, headquarters was dressed up a lot like Ian’s room these days.  He could still remember when he popped into existence in Ian’s mind, just seconds after Ian was born.  Headquarters was an empty canvas, and the emotions were just anew strangers with elf ears and generic business casual clothes.  Just a blank canvas.  And over time, as they shaped Ian into the teenager he is today, they and their headquarters were changed as well.  Well, more like influenced… inspired?  Okay, the mind world can be cryptic and confusing.  But if it meant being with Ian, helping Ian, Fear wouldn’t have it any other way.

Speaking of cryptic and confusing, Fear looked down as his foot stopped short of stepping on the core memory holder nestled into the floor.  It wouldn’t hurt to step on it, but the bright lights beaming through the floor, straight out to the mind world outside, pointing at, fueling every island of personality across the far chasm that separated headquarters from the rest of the mind world.  Fear gazed out at each island that fueled what made Ian, Ian.  School Island, complete with a stack of textbooks, with a math textbook being very prominent since he won that award.  Science Island, glowing with stars and planets to highlight Ian’s fascination with space.  Space was his most prominent interest in the sciences.  Smartphone Island.  That’s a new one.  Ian has been glued to his phone lately.  Hope that’s a phase.  Friendship Island… looking small, as Ian only has one friend.  Island upon island, big and small, displaying each important piece of Ian, each fueled by a powerfully important memory that birthed it.  And in the center was the largest, grandest island, Family Island, an island fueled and created by Ian’s love for his family. Even his brother, no matter how much of a pain he could be.  Definitely highlighted by that statue on Family Island of Barley holding Ian in a headlock and giving him a noogie.

“Hey, it’s Officer Bronco!” Joy cheered, breaking Fear’s walk down his own memory lane.  Looks like break’s over.  But, Joy may have been right, Fear does feel a little better.

As Fear approached the console, he immediately stopped dead in his tracks as he, the other emotions and Ian saw Colt and Laurel kiss.  “Eww,” the emotions grimaced in unison, Ian recoiling as well thanks to Disgust at control.

“Ugh, I’ll never get used to that.”  Disgust tried to hold himself back from throwing up.  “I’m done.  I’m done,” he said, pushing away from the console for a minute.

Ian went back inside the kitchen getting back to making some toast for his breakfast.  His ears caught the sound of loud banging of furniture, sounds of a centaur trying to get into the house without breaking things, and failing. Anger growled, “He’s coming in.”

“Relax,” Joy told Anger, patting him on the shoulder.  “Officer Bronco’s just trying to be nice.”

“Hey there, birthday boy,” Colt told Ian.  “You working hard or hardly working?” Colt gave that braying laugh of his at his own joke.

That was enough to make even Joy groan.  “Are you kidding me?” he exclaimed while the other emotions groaned.

“Well, you know just, making some, toast,” Ian replied sheepishly.

“Why is it so hard to get some breakfast around here??” Anger snapped.

Fear pushed Sadness out of the way as Disgust made his way back to the console.  “Okay okay okay,” he stammered.  “Let’s just get Ian fed and out of here before anything else happens to him.”

“Hey, Ian, you can learn a lot from Quests of Yore,” Barley called out from the dining room.  “You want to play?”

Fear froze just from hearing Barley.  “Oh no,” he uttered softly, giving Disgust a chance to take over.

“I don’t,” Ian replied.

“You can be a crafty rogue,” Barley continued.  “Or, I know! You can be a wizard!” Barley chimed, grabbing Ian in a side hug.

Fear dove onto the console the second he saw Barley’s spiky bracelet brush against Ian’s sweatshirt.

Ian quickly ducked out from Barley’s grasp.  “Hey, careful with dad’s sweatshirt.”

Barley smirked.  “I don’t even remember dad wearing that sweatshirt.”

“Well, you do only have two memories of him,” Ian told Barley.

“No, I have three,” Barley corrected.  “I remember his beard was scratchy, he had a goofy laugh, and I would play the drums-“

“-on his feet,” Ian finished.  The emotions at the console chuckled a bit, happy to hear something about dad, even if it was from Barley.

“Yeah, he went,” Barley began as he drummed on Ian’s foot with his hands, but ended up knocking Ian’s toast onto the floor.  “Oops, five second rule.”  Barley leaned over to pick up the toast, and ended up snagging a loose thread on Ian’s sweatshirt with his bracelet.

The emotions gasped as they heard the fabric rip.  “No!” Fear exclaimed in pure horror.

“It’s okay,” Barley told Ian, just as worried as his brother was.  “You just have to pull it.”

“No! Stop!!” Fear exclaimed as he slammed his hands onto the console.

“Barley, don’t!” Ian pleaded, just as a hole grew from the popped seam on the sleeve.  Laurel finally intervened, snipping the loose string with some scissors.

“You know,” Ian said, backing away, “I’m just going to grab some breakfast on the way to school.”

“I’ll sew that up for you after school, okay Ian?” Laurel said as Ian left the kitchen and headed straight for the front door.

Fear was leading the controls, and was making sure Ian went straight out the door.  “Okay guys, let’s just get Ian to school.”

“Wait!” Barley called out, catching up to Ian.

“Seriously?” Fear exclaimed, letting go of the controls in pure shock.

“Why won’t he leave us alone?” Anger shouted, as Disgust and Sadness groaned.

“By the laws of Yore, I must dub thee a man today,” Barley explained as he grabbed a sword, which may or may not have been a toy.  “Kneel before me.”

“No, no, that’s okay,” Ian replied.  “I gotta get to school.”

“Okay,” Barley said.  “I’ll pick you up this afternoon.  We’ll do the ritual at school.”

“No!  You don’t need to do that!  Okay, bye!” Ian quickly grabbed his book bag and slammed the front door.  Finally out of the house, he gave a big sigh of relief and began to walk down the sidewalk.

Once he was safe, Fear gave a big sigh of relief himself.  He gradually let go of the controls and grasped his sides again. Ian’s sixteenth birthday is already a failure.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” Joy said to Fear, placing a calm hand on his shoulder.  “The day’s still young.  We can fix this.”

Shaking his head, Fear walked away from the console and began to pace back and forth.  The other emotions went back to work, including Joy, after glancing over to Fear one more time.

Fear gripped his hands tight against himself, his pace was quickening, his body was shivering with… well, fear.  Ian gets one sixteenth birthday, one shot.  And already it’s a disaster.  It’s all been a disaster since before Ian’s sixteenth birthday.  It’s all been a disaster since before his thirteenth birthday. Since before middle school, since before kindergarten, since…

Fear paused.  He walked up to the back of Headquarters, placing his hands on the window as he looked out.  To the side of the large Family Island was a smaller island.  The island displayed photos of a familiar stranger, and an audio cassette tape labeled “Dad.”

… since little child Ian found that tape.  Since that memory created Dad Island.

Fear placed a hand on his chest, his fingers resting on stitching that spelled out Lightfoot in cursive.  The exact replica of Ian’s Dad’s sweatshirt.

Ian has heard many stories about his dad.  How his dad was courageous, and lived every day without worry, without care.  If only Ian could be like his dad.  If only Fear could.

[clevercatchphrase]

2019 year in review

So… The 2010’s are almost over. Huh. What a decade it’s been. Hard to comprehend how much has changed in 10 years. I can barely believe that I was in high school at the beginning of this decade, and now I’m a college graduate with 2 degrees who’s been working at the same job for the last 3 years. But trying to summarize the past 10 years in a single post is a good way to give myself an existential crisis, so let’s not do that! Instead, let’s just focus on 2019 because there has been more than enough shit that’s happened to me in this year to talk about.

PART 1 OF 2: 2019 AND 2020 GOALS AND RESOLUTIONS

Huh, looking back through my archives, I apparently didn’t make a tumblr post about my goals this year. I definitely had some, though. Lemme list ‘em off real quick, and then we’ll go through them point by point.

1)      Pay off all my student loans 2)      Finish some song comics 3)      Make art for my Redbubble account 4)      Finish the first rough draft/script of a game I wanted to make 5)      Practice ASL 6)      Sew some stuffed animals 7)      Finish some fan fictions 8)      Work on Ghost Switch 9)      AMVs 10)   Do some original writing 11)   Make illustrations for my fan fictions

Okay, first off, the student loans. I was actually SO CLOSE to successfully completing this one bUT THEN MY CAR HAD TO BE A WHINEY PISS BABY AND HAVE ITS ALTERNATOR DIE ON ME WHILE I WAS ON THE HIGHWAY AND THEN A BLOW OUT THREE WEEKS LATER.

GOD, if I had to summarize this year in two words, for me it would be “Car troubles”. I swear I spent more on auto repair in the first third of this year than I ever have just freakin’ OWNING a car. All four of my tires had to be replaced, my alternator failed and my car literally just SHUT OFF while I was driving, and I was barely able to coast into a gas station. Both my front breaks and rear breaks were worn down the metal and I only learned this when my car was barely able to stop after I had to slam the petal down full force!  I went in for an oil change, and they found some problems and then I didn’t get my car back for three days! I don’t even like owning a car! I hate driving! I hate my country’s refusal to provide universal, free public transportation! I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS!

Oh-kay… number 2. Finish some song comics. I didn’t finish any. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t work on them. I have made tiny progress, but that’s certainly better than no progress. One of these song comics I hope to be realizes is going to be a collab with one of my friends. It’ll be a long-time coming as it’s pretty low priority for the both of us, but if anyone else out there was disappointed with KH3’s ending, we’re gonna have ya’ covered… With SONG!

3. Make some redbubble art. I actually did this one! Not in the way I expected, but I added (technically) 3 new designs to my redbubble in the middle of the year. If you like butterflies and dragons, I got some product for you~!

Number 4, finish a script for a game I want to make. I… thought about this. I thought about this a lot, but I never put pen to paper, so… oops. It almost happened! I debated making this my main writing project for NaNoWriMo this year, but ended up having more inspiration for another story. Maybe next year? (god, I hope not. I don’t want to wait a full year just to write something)

Number 5, practice ASL. I just straight up didn’t do this and I only have myself to blame. Still keepin’ up that Danish Duolingo streak, though. 4 years going strong and not a day missed yet.

Number 6, sew some stuffed animals. Again, another one I just straight up didn’t do, but I have an excuse of trying to save money while my car crashed and burned in every other sense except literal this year. Hopefully 2020 will be different. I’ll definitely be able to pay off this last loan within the first half of 2020, and then I can start saving for whatever I want to buy.

Finish some fan fictions was number 7, and I did this! Well, I only finished, 1, but it was a story I’ve been working on for over 3 years, and it came out to over 200 THOUSAND words long, which is the longest thing I’ve ever written, and I’m quite proud of myself. Now that the big story is out of the way, and I’ve gotten into a good rhythm of working on Ghost Switch, maybe I can squeeze in some short writing sessions more frequently. (either that, or just wait for my car to break down again and then go on a writing spree in a pepboys. The lord and the fan fic discord know that’s solely why I finished my other fic this year)

Speaking of Ghost Switch, working on it was a goal this year too, and I did that! I kept it up all year and took a vacation in November and it was wonderful. While the major plot points have been in place since before I started drawing, I still need to script each arc beyond Snowdin, but hey, by the time we get there, it’ll be 2022 so I got time. (Note, don’t do this, kids. Script your stories and comics thoroughly before publishing. The road I’m on is paved with misery and pain and it will only end in tears unless I change lanes soon)

Number 9, amvs. Do people make AMVs anymore? Idk… the last one I made was... Jesus, 5 years ago? (it was a gravity falls/fall out boy crossover, if you were curious) I’ve been wanting to do 2 more for just as long, but in order for me to do that, I’d have to spend time re-watching the shows to find the footage, and then actually edit them together, and I just don’t…. feel like it. Maybe someday, but not any day soon.

10; do some original writing. I did this! For nanowrimo! I wrote the first draft of some original fiction I’ve been planning for a year or two now and it completely sucks! But it’s on paper now and I’m happy. Will I revise and edit it? Sure, but not for a while. I want to let it sit and forget about it and look at it with new eyes months from now so I can be sure I can make it better when time comes to rewrite.

11, make illustrations for my fan fics. Now that You Monster is done, I want to go back and add pictures to it. I didn’t do any this year, but I did keep a list of scenes I wanted to draw, so I have plenty of ideas to do as warm up sketches next year~ I kinda want to stream them~

So, that was 11 goals, and I successfully fulfilled 4 of them! That’s! Not a very good ratio… QmQ So, goals for 2020. Some I’m gonna keep from this year, some I’m gonna drop and some I’m gonna add. In short I would like to,

1)      Finish paying off that last student loan 2)      Put more stuff on my redbubble 3)      Illustrate my own fan fics 4)      Sew at least one stuffed animal 5)      Make an enamel pin 6)      Read one new book a month 7)      Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic 8)      Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make 9)      Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch 10)   Boost my patreon

Most of these I think are pretty self-explanitory, but I’ll go into detail just a bit because I’m on a roll and typing my thoughts helps me feel less alone in the middle of the night when you’re super tired and you know you should probably go to sleep, but the toddler in you is throwing a tantrum and doesn’t wanna go to sleep just yet, but you can’t fight the progression of time either way.

Number 1- I should be able to reach this goal by the end of March. End of June at the absolute latest. Once that goal is met, my secret new year’s resolution will be unlocked as well!

Number 2- I want to put more art of my OCs on redbubble. These OCs are tied to the game I want to make. There’s already some art of them up there, but I want at least one piece for each character.

Number 3- Mostly for You Monster. Embrace the cardinal rule of fan fic and apply it to fan art. If you want to read about see art about certain ideas, scenarios, or what-ifs, you gotta make it yourself.

Number 4- I have 3 potential ideas to sew. One is definitely leagues easier than the other two and will probably be chosen if/when I have the time and materials.

Number 5- This year I got really, REALLY into the idea of making enamel pins. Unfortunately it’s a pretty big investment (like, $350 to make 100 pins you  might not even sell). If this happens, it’ll probably be towards the end of the year, and if I get enough interest. I’m currently torn between making an original enamel pin and one based off Undertale. We’ll just have to see where this goes.

Number 6- Back in 2018 when I paid off one of my many student loans, I rewarded myself by spending over 200 dollars in used books. All these books had a theme; they were focused on dragons because I have a problem. I have not yet read a single one of these books I have bought, and I would like to fix that. I have, like, 20 unread dragon books, and even if I only read 12 out of 20, I would consider that an amazing accomplishment and money well spent.

Number 7- I currently have about 8 different WIPs I could work on. (well, I don’t know if I can even call them wips. More like, a general idea and a title written down.) I want to build good writing habits, and if I can write just 200 words a day, hell, even 200 words a week and just one of my 8 stories done, I would consider this goal met.

Number 8- I’m torn between making my game in unity or ren’py. I know jack shit about both. Ren’py is more user friendly, but unity will allow me more customization. (Lol, can you guess what kind of game I want to make yet?)

Number  9- I really just want the full story to be done and written incase anything goes horribly terribly wrong in my life and I find myself unable to continue making ghost switch in comic form. Then at least I can finish the story by other means, you know?

Number 10- It always surprises me every month when I get that patreon email saying I got paid. Sure, I don’t even make double digits on it, but it still awes me enough to know that people out there like my work enough to throw me a tip. I can’t thank my patrons enough for supporting me and I hope to one day be in such a good place I can update my comic/song comics/writing frequently enough without need for goals or milestones. But until that magical day arrives, money is always a great incentive for anything, I suppose. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 ALRIGHT. PART 2 OF 2: SHIT THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN 2019

Cheesus crust what a year. This year started off great! Back in late January Kingdom Hearts 3 FINALLY released, and let me tell you a little story. Back in the summer of 2006 I was a 13 year old middle schooler with no way of making money other than by doing house hold chores at a rate of 25 cents a task. A few weeks ago, I had a sleep over at a friend’s house and they let me play this weird game called “Kingdom Hearts” and god, I was instantly hooked on it. That summer, I did over 800 chores, enough to earn myself 200$ and buy myself a playstation 2 (just in time for the ps3 to come out, gg me) The only games I had for the ps2 were KH1, 2, Re:CoM and Okami, and I beat them all… except Okami. Miffed that the PS3 wouldn’t allow for backwards compatibility, little 13-year-old me made a promise. I looked myself in the mirror and said “I will not buy the next playstation console until KH3 comes out, AND BOY that was probably a good choice for me to make with my level of gaming. I’m even less of a casual gamer than the average casual gamer, but I have been waiting 13 years for this piece of closure, and I even told my friends and family that “the day Kingdom Hearts 3 comes out is the day I will buy a playstation 4”. My dad apparently thought this was the funniest shit, because he literally took the day off from work that Friday to drive me on base to get the game and console (he thought it would be less crowded than a regular walmart, I suppose). I paid $400 on a ps4 pro while he bought me the game. Again, I have an impecible sense of timing seeing as the PS5 is now right on the horrizion, but just like before, I’m not buying a new console until the next KH game is released. See you in 2045, sony~. While I was at the gamestop on base, I also picked up Okami HD and The Last Guardian. For all of February and even early March, I took my time playing through KH3. And…! It was the best disappointment I’ve ever played. After a month away from gaming, I started The Last Guardian and finished it in a couple weeks. I love trico and would die for him, but trying to get 100% completion on that game is udder insanity. Okami, HD, however… again after a month break after finishing TLG, I started replaying Okami. I think I had only managed to get about halfway through the game before I just… stopped playing it on my ps2 version. I am currently SO CLOSE to getting a 100% on the ps4 version. In fact, I’ve beaten the game. I only (techinically) need 2 more trophies to be done; 1st, escape the water dragon without being eaten, 2nd, I need to beat that dumb stupid race with Kai, in order to get the last bead on my rosary, as well as the top dog trophy. I hate her so much. I hate this race so much. It’s awful and bad.

Flash forward to December! Earlier this month I was at Barnes and Noble, buying myself a planner for 2020. I exit the store and notice that there’s a gamestop across the street. For shits and giggles I go inside to look at their game selection, and I find KH 1.5 and 2.5. Now, my PS2 died a few years back (it just won’t read my discs anymore, I don’t know why) and I haven’t been able to replay any of my other kingdom hearts games since. If you had seen me the day I finished kingdom hearts 3, after the ending credits rolled, you would have heard me say “Man…. I wish I could play kingdom hearts 2 again”. AND NOW I CAN, ALONG WITH BBS which I had never even played yet, but knew the story of. I’ve restarted playing kh1, and I was so happy to hear that familiar music when I booted the game up for the first time. While at the game stop, I also picked up Rime and Tearaway, two games that had looked interesting to me. At the time of writing, I’ve finished Rime and am 25% done with tearaway. Rime was…. An interesting experience. I learned about it through Jacksepticeye’s channel a couple years back and thought the art style was enticing. For a super casual gamer like me, I found the puzzles just the right level of challenging and exploring was a blast! The music gave me VERY strong Princes Mononoke vibes, but the overall story left something to be desired. Overall I had fun, and enjoyed completing this game to 100%. Now for tearaway. Can I just say this game is super fucking adorable? I know the original was on the ps vita and the gameplay there was arguably more diverse and imaginative, but this game is just so fucking cute I don’t care?? ALSO, this game’s sound track is ABSOLUTELY incredible and I’ve only heard the first fourth of it! Listen to The Orchards, Pig Riding, and Gibbet Hill Pilgrimage for a taste of their wonderful beats and fantastic use of string and woodwinds! God, I’m so excited to get some more games in 2020. I’m proud to say I currently own more ps4 games than I ever did with my ps2 (and now the majority AREN’T Kingdom Hearts titles!), and I’m still hoping to play Journey, The Witness, and Abzu before everything becomes ps5.

What else happened to me this year. Oh, I went to a doctor for, like, the first time in seven years. I also had my blood drawn for the first time ever, and the nurse said the most disturbing thing to me while she did it. Now, whenever I get shots, I refuse to look. I did that here. So she thought it would be appropriate to say to me “Can you feel your blood leaving your body?” Lady… You can clearly see I am uncomfortable with what is happening here. Why, of all the things you could say, did you choose to say that. Unfortunately, while my doctor is nice, she keeps wanting to run tests on me, that I just cannot afford with my current salary, and my monthly insurance is about to go up to 200$ a month, so I’ve cancelled my next appointment with them, and don’t plan to go back until it’s absolutely necessary. Capitalism is fun, guys. Preventative healthcare is for wusses.

I started going to a chiropractor on a monthly basis. Story time- I don’t know when it started, but sometime late last November I began to notice that I had a headache that just... wasn’t... going away? And each day it was starting to get a little worse. It made it hard for me to find a comfortable position to sleep, it made it hard for me to be in bright areas or move fast. So I said to myself “Okay, if this headache persist through the month of december, then something is proooobably wrong and I should go see someone about it. And hoo-boy were thing wrong with me. By the time this January rolled around, I couldn’t even stay on my feet for more than a few hours without it physically hurting to just BREATHE. So I started going to this chain called The Joint (A+ name, I know). THey aksed me “How are you doing?” I said “I’m in pain” and they said “We can help fix that!”. I’ve only been to a chiropractor once before in my life a few years back after my freshmen year of college because I began to notice my hips weren’t able to support me? LIke, I would lie on my back, and I couldn’t push my hips up when my feet were flat on the floor. I also couldn’t climb anything steep, because my legs just couldn’t push me up if my knee had to bend more than 90 degrees when I lifted my leg up. (Turned out both my hips were apparently out of place). This time only one of my hips were out of place (which they fixed. they said one of my legs was an inch “longer” than the other because I had been leaning all my weight on one leg when I stand). But two of my ribs were apparently “Stuck” which was why it was hurting for me to just breathe, and one of my shoulders was missaligned too, causing one of my trap muscles to constantly be streched, which was pulling on my skull, and causing the headache. Anyway, after they popped all my bones back into place, I still felt terrible, but by god, that night was the first time in weeks I was able to sleep without a migrane. A chiropractor can’t magically heal your arthritis, or fibro, but I definately think they have merit to keeping your posture good and helping your body with things like circulation. 10 outa 10, would recomend. It’s all the fun of getting your neck snapped without the dying!

Earlier this month I got together with two of my friends and we baked Christmas cookies. It was a lot of fun, as well as a great learning experience. A member of my family has a gluten allergy, so we used rice flour for most of the cookies. We learned this is a bad idea! The cookies will just fall apart! A few member’s in one of the friend’s family have nut allergies. Other friend and I knew this and were careful to avoid cookie recipes with nuts, bUT THEN COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT ALMOND MILK AND ALMOND EXTRACT COUNT AS NUT. IN FACT, ALMOND EXTRACT IS PURE CONCENTRATED NUT JUICE AND WE FELT SO BAD FOR ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY POISONING THE FAMILY.

Earlier this year me and these same friends took a field trip to Hobby Lobby and just dicked around the store for a couple of hours. It was super fun, 11 outa 10, would recommend, a great date idea for your artsy S.O.

Back in May I went to a wedding for the first time in my life. (well, not true, but the first one I could remember) we left at 5am, drove 5 hours to get there, hung out at a zoo and spent the night in a la quinta before the wedding day. I slept on the bathroom floor because my mom was snoring too loud in the main room and keeping me awake, and the rest of the day was just spent me trying to keep myself together because I was pissed off and tired.

Other than all of that, nothing really major happened to me this year. I guess one more thing I’ve tried to do this year is started the process of breaking certain internet addictions so I can use my free time for more personal projects. Seriously, I found myself watching way too much youtube and following blogs that didn’t even make me happy. I had a personal intervention with myself where I sat down and asked myself, “why do you watch these videos and youtubers? Why do you follow these blogs? Do you really enjoy their content? Do you really care? If you stopped watching/following them, would you even notice?” After critically thinking it over, I’ve found myself unfollowing several channels and blogs and suddenly I feel so much happier. I thought I would miss it, but I realized I didn’t really care if I saw their content or not. I wasn’t missing much. And now I feel like I have more time to draw, read and write. If you think you spend too much time consuming and not enough time creating, I suggest you try and de-clutter your internet habits as well. It’s done wonders to un-fuck my headspace.

And… well, that about sums up my year. How are your holidays going? Anything fun, exciting, dramatic happen to you this year? I hope your new year is warm and safe! Good night, everybody!

[coleymari-blog]

A War Fought at Home : Chapter 7

Corporal Natsu Dragneel has been through Hell, and unfortunately for him, the ride isn’t quite over. How will a new Rehab program at the local VA help? And will a certain blonde help make matters better?

Modern Military AU. Warnings for mentions of depression and adult language/situations. Other warnings to come as the story progresses. Cross post on AO3 and FF.net.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

The last thing Lucy had wanted to do was go out to some club. After spending the day cleaning her apartment, she had received the text from her friends inviting her for a night out. Honestly, she hadn’t been out much after she started her degree program a year ago and it was getting significantly more difficult to come up with excuses on the fly. Between working at the VA, school, and packing, she was exhausted, only having two weeks to gather up what was important and sell the rest, including most of her bigger furniture pieces. After informing her that Sergeant Fullbuster had actually agreed to her moving in with them, Natsu had also told her that the room came pre-furnished. Luckily that meant extra money in her pocket for rent in her new home. While that helped keep the stress at bay, there was also the looming topic of ‘her father’.

Jude had been in touch recently, within the past couple days, petitioning for her return to Acalypha. Of course, he had cited the ‘unnecessary tribulations of working a lower-class job and living in a sham of an apartment’ as reasons why Lucy should give up on her quest for freedom but those only served as fuel for her fire. She loved living in a tiny studio apartment she got to call her own. The blonde student also loved her job at the VA more than she could describe. Seeing the veterans day after day, overcoming some of the worst obstacles life could throw at them, gave her hope that she too could tackle any problem that came her way. Even if it was a mustached man in a suit who had come to take her away...

Natsu wouldn’t let that happen. The thought came to mind without her consent, taking Lucy by surprise. In the past few months, the two of them had become quite close and she knew without a doubt that he would keep her safe from anything, even her own father. Honestly, when she looked at Natsu she didn’t see his chair no matter how much he despised the thing. She saw him as a strong, courageous, rambunctious Marine who worked harder than anyone she had ever met. She was sure there was very little he could do to change her mind.

Looking around her tiny living space, Lucy sighed as her phone buzzed again. If it was one of the girls further trying to pester her, she was going to flip her lid. A small smile crept onto her dust-covered face when she saw it it was her favorite Marine.

“Hi, Natsu,” Lucy greeted warmly, throwing herself down onto her full-sized bed.

“Heya Roomie,” Natsu teased. Lucy couldn’t help but chuckle at the new nickname. “Your new room looks pretty awesome if I don’t say myself. It’s almost all ready for you.”

The blonde smiled widely to herself, the now familiar blush creeping up her neck and jaw from her shoulders. It seemed to be happening more and more frequently as of late. “I appreciate the effort,” she replied, “and make sure to thank Sergeant Fullbuster for me too.” She knew he had to have helped Natsu with her room but she left it at that as if thanking the Sergeant for simply allowing her to move in. No need to take unnecessary jabs at Natsu’s already rocky self-esteem.

“I’ll be sure to tell him. And you know you can call him by his name, right?” Listening closely, she could hear Natsu shifting in his seat. Something was bothering him.

“Something on your mind, Natsu?” Her voice was sweet and serene while she tried to coax out what was upsetting him. Hopefully, he wasn’t having second thoughts. Lucy had already turned in her notice to the landlord that she was vacating at the end of the month. If her living arrangement with Natsu fell through, she would have no choice but to move back to the family estate.

A small huff escaped his lips before Natsu decided to answer. “Nah, just tired from all the moving.” Lucy’s brows furrowed at his blatant lie but she didn’t call him out on it. If he wasn’t telling her something, it was for a reason. Unfortunately, she didn’t get long to keep trying regardless. “I just wanted to keep you updated. I gotta go shower and shit. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Of course,” Lucy answered. “I’m hanging out with the girls later but I’ll text you when I get a chance,” Natsu said goodbye and hung up quickly, leaving her somewhat stunned. She knew something was up, but she was just going to have to wait for him to tell her.

Looking over at the clock on her nightstand, she figured she had time for a quick nap, a shower, and could finish getting ready just in time for Juvia to pick her up. Lucy quickly stripped down to her gray cotton bra and panties, throwing the clothes she’d been wearing all day into her hamper before tucking herself under her mother’s quilt. She undid the elastic band holding her hair up and allowed her blonde tresses to fall loosely across her baby blue pillow while she pulled the star-streaked blanket underneath her chin and quickly drifted to sleep.

A couple hours passed and Lucy woke up to the sounds of a chirping phone beside her head. She groggily pulled herself out of bed to find that she only had an hour until her friends arrived. Hurriedly, she took off what little clothing she was wearing and got into the shower. While part of her wanted to spend a little extra time ‘focusing on herself’, she knew she didn’t have the time and huffed at her lack of forethought. She knew she should have set an alarm…

With a slinky black dress, blood red lips with stilettos to match, and pin-straight blonde locks, Lucy walked out her front door to the car awaiting her. Juvia, one of her longtime friends from when she first moved to Magnolia, was waving at her from inside the vehicle, obviously excited for their night out on the town.

“It’s so nice to see you Lucy!” the bluenette exclaimed, throwing her arms around Lucy the second she was seated inside. “It’s been forever since you’ve been out with us.”

The blonde grinned back at her friend as she buckled herself in, the two soon on their way to a club called ‘Fairy Tail’. “I know, I know…” she placated, staring out the window at the building flying by. “Between school and work, I’m usually just waaaaaay too tired to go out like this. Plus, with friends like Cana, it’s not like I’ll get away with having just one drink or anything.” Juvia laughed and nodded in agreement, knowing exactly what Lucy meant. Whenever their group of friends got together, their nights tended to go on indefinitely. Cana and Minerva could easily drink any of them under the table and usually did. Yukino could swing either way, often going above and beyond if she gave into temptation. Luckily Levy kept her head about her, never having more than a couple drinks during the entirety of their outings.

The two girls strolled up and the gaggle of them were instantly granted access, probably because of how they were dressed. Cana immediately led them to the bar, situating them in their own little corner. A multitude of guys made passes at each of them, some reveling in the attention while the others shirked it off and kept sipping their drinks in an attempt to seem aloof. Overall, Lucy finished three by the end of the first hour, mainly due to her own boredom.

“Look at the crew over there!” Minerva yelled above the booming music, pointing to another group of young men standing in the VIP section. The ladies all turned to stare and Lucy blanched instantly. Two faces stuck out of the crowd, belonging to both Natsu and Sergeant Fullbuster.

Allowing herself to stare for a moment, Lucy took in the sight of what little she could see of Natsu. His hair was unkempt but slightly more styled than usual. He wore a black button down with his sleeves rolled up to just below his elbows, showing off his sculpted forearms. She could tell his was wearing dark jeans, but couldn’t see his shoes behind the oceanic crowd between them. Gods he looked handsome, but a whisper in the back of her mind told her to drop her gaze like someone staring directly into the sun.

“Hey Lucy...that looks like that guy you showed me a picture of,” Levy prodded, “The hot guy from the VA?”

Lucy could feel her entire body blushing and she could only attribute about 30% of it to the alcohol. “Yeah, but it’s not that big a deal,” she murmured, knocking back the rest of her drink before leaning across the bar to order another. “Don’t bring any attention to us, okay?”

“Too late, one of them is already inbound,” Minerva shouted and Lucy prayed to the Gods above that it was Natsu. Unfortunately, she was soon accosted by one of the other gentlemen from his party.

“Hey there, gorgeous,” the blond oozed, his slender fingers sliding through her hair. Lucy immediately pulled away, shooting back a look of disgust.

“I’m sorry, but who said you could touch me?” she barked, grabbing her new drink that the bartender had just set down beside her hand. How could he have possibly thought that acting so intimately with a stranger was a good idea?

Her assailant chuckled to himself, dropping his hands into his pockets blatantly. “Salamander didn’t say you were so feisty,” he murmured, “Looks and attitude? I like it.”

Lucy scoffed as she threw back the remainder of her Whiskey Sour. Her stomach lurched just by being in his vicinity. Without so much as another word, she rolled her eyes and took off down the bar toward the other side of the club. She was so angry! How dare that guy think he had the right to touch her like that? That creep hadn’t even asked her name. And who the hell was Salamander? Her mind was racing as she tried to weave her way through the outer layer of the crowd but a sharp pain in the side of her leg shook her from her daydreaming.

“Shit, Lucy, I’m so sorry,” Natsu shouted, bending down to take a look at her leg. Lucy watched with a warm gaze as he tended to her, barely coming to when he asked her if she was in any pain.

The blonde shook her head, her body swaying slightly with the momentum. “J-just throbb-bing a bit,” she slurred against her will. Natsu’s eyes went wide before he reached out for her hand.

Looking up at her with big puppy dog eyes, Natsu began pulling her toward him. “Here,” he stated firmly, “Sit here and I’ll get us both to somewhere we can get you a glass of water.” Lucy thought it over for a moment before she was jostled by a couple dancing rather suggestively behind her. Realizing it was safer to be with Natsu, she finally gave in and gently sat on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head against his shoulder.His familiar warmth rolled off him in spades, so much more than when she was simply sitting beside him. The feeling sunk into her and before she knew it, they were coming to a stop somewhere near the club’s back wall.

A plastic cup of water magically appeared before her. “Go ahead and drink this,” he instructed, moving the cup closer to her. “It’ll help, trust me.”

Lucy reached out and gulped down half the glass as if she had been stranded in the desert. “Thank you for taking care of me,” Lucy breathed once she handed back the cup. “You really didn’t have to.” Before she could catch herself, she lowered her head back to Natsu’s shoulder and looked up at him. “I owe you one.”

Natsu chuckled, his laughter reverberating through his chest. He visibly tensed for a moment before reaching up to brush a few stray strands away from her flushed face. “What are roommates for?” he replied, staring down at Lucy for a brief moment. “What made you run away from your friends anyway?”

“Some guy came up to me and started touching my hair,” she answered honestly. “He was standing with you and your friends. The tall, blonde, douchebag-looking one.”

The Marine laughed heartily beneath her. “Sting is a douche,” he said with a signature grin. “But how did you know he was my friend? Were you spying on me?”

It was Lucy’s turn to laugh. “You wouldn’t have known I ran away unless you were spying on me,” she answered between whiskey giggles. It was true. Natsu wouldn’t have known anything if he hadn’t looked over at her, and he had to have known she was there either before or after she noticed him.

She could have sworn she saw a blush coming over Natsu’s cheeks. “How could I not notice you, Luce? I always notice you.”

The drunken girl picked her head up from her best friend’s shoulder and locked her deep brown eyes on his emerald ones. Her entire body felt like she was on a roller coaster, stomach in her throat, heart desperately trying to escape her chest. She found herself leaning closer to Natsu, closing the gap, only for someone to tap on her shoulder.

“Fucking finally!” Cana shouted, a redheaded man hanging off her arm. “We’ve all been looking for you guys everywhere. Lucy, Juvia says it’s time to go.” Giving Natsu a sideways look, the brunette chuckled. “You can play with Natsu later.”

The rest of the group eventually joined them and they were soon on their way out of Fairy Tail, the two groups mingling until they arrived at the street side. The redhead, named Loke, went with Cana back to her place. Levy left alone while the three extra Marines took off together, leaving Natsu, Sergeant Fullbuster, Lucy, and Juvia.

“Get home safe, ladies,” the raven-haired Marine said firmly. “Lucy, text Natsu when you get back to your place, okay?”

Lucy nodded before she bent down to hug Natsu goodbye, lingering a bit longer than average. “Thanks again, Roomie,” she teased, pulling away after realizing their extended embrace.

And the two girls immediately took off for Lucy’s, for both sleep and some much-needed gossip.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Follow You Anywhere 1

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, controlling behavoiour, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You're online existence threatens to leak into your real life.

Characters: Captain Syverson

Note: I couldn't help myself.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. You are appreciated and your are worthy. Treat yourself with care. 💖

"So... this is what it looks like today?" You aim your camera at the sky outside your window, "sorry, the screen is kinda in the way."

You let out a nervous chuckle and flip the camera to yourself. You make a silly face. You were never overly fond of your image on the screen but the vlogs help. Like a little diary, mostly for yourself. You and your seven followers on Insta.

You bat your lashes and fix the clip in your hair, "oh, I got this free. Yeah, I bought a new hair oil and they threw this in the bag." You let your thoughts run wild from your tongue. You found a journal too daunting, the blank lines leaving you just as empty. This is easier. "Anyway, I shouldn't have spent the money to begin with."

You give another splintered laugh. The one you let out when you're anxious, or scared, or happy, or even mad.  You bite your lip and catch yourself in your digitized reflection. You stop and turn your camera to your bedroom.

"Today, I'm gonna clean this mess. Me and you guys together."

You scour the room with the lens. Your laundry is piled on the floor and you have a stack of books you need to put on the shelf. It isn't the worst it's been but it's getting cluttered.

"But first, we'll have breakfast, can't start the stream on an empty stomach," you chirp and nearly drop the phone, "oops, uh..." You fix your grip and check the number in the corner. You have one viewer; on a good day, it's three, most days, it's just you talking to the void.

You go into the kitchen, just down the short hall from your bedroom, opening into your living room. You go to the counter and prop up the phone so the camera is on you again. You tap your fingers and hum.

"What should we have for breakfast?" You ask. You don't feel as crazy talking to yourself even if there's really no one watching. "Oo, French toast. Gotta use up the eggs."

You go to the fridge and pull out the eggs and the milk. You bring them back to the counter, shuffling around for a bowl, a whisk, and the cinnamon.

You mix up your ingredients and dip the bread, one piece at a time. You put on a skillet and fry up the slices, presenting a stack of three to the camera. You smile and dust some icing sugar over the top.

“Probably shouldn't have all this sugar for breakfast,” you shrug at the camera, “alright, quick break…” 

You put the stream onto the ‘back soon’ page and take your plate to the small foldout table against the wall. You're not a fan of eating on camera. You finish and rinse up before snatching your phone up again.

You return to your bedroom and put the phone on a middle shelf and flip the stream back to live. Still that one viewer…

“Anyway, I'm back,” you wave at the lens.

You hesitate, looking around as you stand straight and spin. Cleaning, right. Before you can set to work, the phone dings.

A message?

You go back to your phone and squint at the chat bubble floating up.

‘Looked delicious too.’

“It was,” you agree with a grin, “thanks.”

‘Don't mean the toast.’

The next message has you blinking. Your nape burns. They can't mean… you clear your throat and giggle.

“Well, let's get started,” you back up and clap your hands, “you know, I've been so carried away with work. This place is a pigsty.”

You sit on the floor and sort through the clothes. You toss them into the basket as you sit in silence. You stop yourself and glance at the phone.

“How about some tunes?” 

You walk on your knees to your bedside and turn on your bluetooth speaker. You go to your phone and find a playlist before pulling the stream back to full screen. As you do, you hear a noise you've never heard before.

‘BourbonBear has tipped.’ Huh? Really?

“Oh, thanks, er, BourbonBear,” you giggle around the name, “how nice. Maybe one day I can afford a proper camera for this, huh?”

You smile and go back to the dirty clothes. You quickly ball up a pair of panties and shove them in the basket. You carry on until they're all untangled.

You move on and tidy your desk, bending underneath to gather up a few loose pens. You make your way around the bedroom, putting away books, fixing the blankets on the bed, and straightening the little figurines on the shelf above the bed.

You grab the stick vacuum and suck up the dirt and proclaim your task done. It took a lot longer than you thought. It's after eleven. The one viewer is still there.

“Whew, okay, I'm gonna get myself washed up and go to the park. Maybe I'll post that later,” you give a thumbs up next to your head as you talk to the phone, “thank you.”

You end the stream and let out a sigh. Your videos aren't much and you doubt they're very interesting but it's like venting for you. Almost like having an invisible friend. You think you will take some pictures of the flowers to share.

🧸

You take your usual path through the park. The walks help you unwind your worries. You try to come after work at least a couple days during the week and both days on the weekend. You find the mindlessness of the routine to be calming.

The deeper you get into the wooded length of the path, you slow to admire the birds in the branches and the critters crawling in the brush. You take out your phone and snap a few photos of a blue jay before it wings away shyly. You smile and flip the cam, smiling as you take a goofy selfie. You can add that to your post.

The path winds ahead and you follow it in the din, listening to the river just down the incline to your left and the tweeting from the sky. You lift your face and inhale the woodsy scent. The sudden crack of a twig startles you and you spin to face the noise. There's no one there. Sometimes you forget other people are free to just walk on through.

You chuckle at yourself and continue on. The path leads out to a suburban street where you like to look at the houses. They're much more spacious and pretty than your grimy brick apartment building.

You come out from the shade of the trees and wander along the avenue. There's a mailbox painted to look like the house it stands before and a little nook for second hand children's books to be borrowed through the neighbourhood. Sometimes you picture yourself living in one of those houses though you don't think it could ever truly be.

As you crane your head, you sense a shadow in your peripheral. You're walking a bit slow. You sidle to the side to get out of the way of the other pedestrian. When no one passes, you look back. No one.

You must be imagining things. You shrug and plod along. You're already thinking of what kind of tea you'll have when you get in.

🧸

You sit down with your mug of ginger citrus tea and set to editing your post. You add a light filter to the photos as you shuffle through them on your laptop. The process is slow as the computer is nearly five years old now and chuffing on its 4GB drive. You get to the selfie you snapped, a stop.

You lean in to get a better glimpse of the background. It's fuzzy but there's a figure just over your shoulder. How could that be? You looked and there was no one there. That's so strange.

You stare as a chill courses through you. You're thankful you hadn't put your earphones in. You wouldn't have heard whoever it was and they may have even snuck up on you. Or maybe it's just a trick of the light.

You hit ‘post’ and try to shake off the foreboding. It's nothing. You're being silly. Besides, you're home and safe now. Next time, you'll be more alert.

A message pops up. You stare at the dot over the chat bubble. You tap with your thumb and bring up the DMs.

'Stream tonight?' BourbonBear asks.

You tilt your head. You already did some today. You're tired and want to lie down and enjoy your time off. You type back 'sorry, not tonight. tomorrow <3' and another notification vibrates. A comment on your latest post.

'Pretty sweater', also from BourbonBear. You heart their comment and leave a thanks below.

You flip back to the selfie. You can't really see your sweater in the picture, just the scalloped knitting of the collar. Well, you suppose it does look cute. You put your phone down and leave it on your desk. That's enough Insta for today.

🧸

You time your shopping trip for the least busy hour. It's early and the store is almost empty except for employees stacking bread on shelves or wandering listlessly around the deli. You have your phone in the basket of the cart, aimed at you as you roll it along slowly and check your list.

The stream is just as empty. It's only just started but you don't expect too many people to be up at this hour. You stop and grab a loaf of sourdough, checking the date before showing it to the lens and putting it in the cart. You smile and announce the next item.

"Strawberries... you know I was thinking I might get raspberries instead," you say, catching the eye of one of the yawning employees. You must seem like a weirdo. It's why you typically don't film in public.

As you roll around to the fruit, you notice the count change. One viewer. You choose a basket of raspberries and show those. You see a message float up; morning.

You smile and return the greeting softly and place the berries down carefully beside your phone. You need yogurt to go with the berries.

You work down the list, making some substitutes as you tick off each item. You linger in the ice cream section a bit too long and talk yourself out of a gallon of rocky road. You lean on the handle of the cart and smile down at the lens.

"Going to check out," you say, "see you all later."

All? There's still just the one. You end the stream and take your phone out of the basket.

You wheel around to checkout and line up at the only open till. You put your items up as you greet the cashier with a smile. She seems tired as she gives a dull response.

As you put the yogurt on the belt, you sense someone join the queue behind you. You glance over as a large man stands only feet away. He's tall and burly and staring at you. Maybe he heard you talking to your audience, or he would think, yourself. You continue to unload your groceries.

"Never tried those," he comments as you take out a box of strawberry Pocky.

You pause and hold them up, chuckling nervously, as you do.

"Pretty good," you answer, "I eat way too many."

You notice the man doesn't have a basket or a cart. That realisation needles under your skin. Maybe he's just getting lotto or smokes?

"You like sweet stuff."

"Too much," you squeak even though it doesn't sound like a question.

He just stares, not saying a word. You swallow tightly and pull the last few items out of the cart and get behind it to wheel it through the lane. As you do, he looms closely, adding to the sweat gathering on your lower back.

You roll along and wait for the cashier to ring through the rest of your things. She bags them up neatly in two large paper bags. You pay with your card and thank her as you lift the first into your cart. The man behind you moves forward and grabs the second, startling you.

"Got it," he says as he places it with the other, squeezing by you, crowding you.

"Oh, excuse me, sir," you stammer, "oh," you lean on the cart to roll it to the end of the lane as you make space between you and the stranger. "Thanks, er, uh... thanks."

You turn and grab the handle, jittering. He's really weirding you out. Especially as you realise he's walked right by the cashier. He's following you.

"I can help get ‘em in your car," he offers in a drawl.

"Oh, that's alright, I... bus," you cringe as you realise you've said too much.

"I could drive you. I have a truck."

"No thank you," you walk faster, the cart rattling with your pace.

"Why not?"

"I don't know you, erm, sorry--"

"You don't?" He catches up and shoves his phone in your face, your Insta profile glaring back at you, "I paid for the milk, maybe the berries..."

"What?" You stop, just by the door and turn to him. "I don't--"

"You haven't eaten, have you? I'll take you for French toast. That's your favourite."

"Um," you blink at him as your eyes tinge, "I don't..."

"You got me through a hard campaign, just wanna say thank you," he adjusts his cap and you notice the pin on it. He's a veteran. Oh, 'campaign'. 

“Just got back home," he shifts on his feet, a meek gesture for such a large man, "and... your videos helped me remember it. Helped me hold onto it in the sh-- in the stuff."

"I... wow, okay, that's... I'm glad I could do that."

"I really don't mind giving you a ride. Lots of weirdos on the bus," he insists.

"That's nice but--"

"Please," he softens his tone, "been a while since I sat down and had breakfast without worrying about the sky falling."

You shudder and grip the cart tight. You don't know how to say no. You didn't think about who was watching. You always just assumed they were bots. Then you think of the chaching noise and the amount flashing on the screen.

"BourbonBear?" You ask.

"Yeah," he cracks a crooked smile and smooths his hand over his thick beard. "Everyone calls me Syv.”

[thepeakmoment]

More Peaks Returns

It appears to me that Lynch is inserting some heavy commentary about societal behavior, the most obvious being the “fix your hearts or die” assertion about Denise Bryson’s transition. Another clear instance is the decay of social norms exemplified by the elaborate unfolding drug storyline. Several characters are being depicted wheeling and using drugs, and Lynch-Frost are telling an updated version in P5 of the illicit activity, how it has already effected Shelly’s daughter and husband, a continuing cycle of abuse and dysfunction still playing out.

I also believe Sherrif Frank Truman is a personification of Lynch’s transcendental meditation wisdom. Harry Truman’s brother is an honest character and to be trusted absolutely as a transparent truth teller. His name is the very meaning of honest, open, direct — Frank. His earnestness is exemplified when Doris Truman shows up at station spouting domestic house anxieties while Truman remains sitting, saying nothing at all throughout. It reads like a subtle teaching of how not to respond to anxious energy, worry and dis-ease — do not engage with it. This is classic buddhism — how everything arises from conditions, has a presence in the moment, then decays when conditions change — thus, everything changes, no reason to get wrapped in unnecessary entanglements, including the wrath of someone overreacting to common occurrence. See impermanence.

A Twin Peaks Podcast: A Podcast About Twin Peaks and Deer Meadow Radio are two of the better podcasts on The Return worthy of listening.

Random

Richard Horne — is this the first clue from ?????’s prophetic clues, “Watch for Richard… and Lynda.”

Richard Horne passes bribe money in a pack of Morley cigarettes… the brand of choice for Cigarette Smoking Man.

Salesman asking Lucy at desk for Sheriff Truman, Lucy asks which one? An in-joke allusion to another Sheriff Truman duality, Harry-Frank.

There was a bonsai plant on side table next to Sam sitting on couch in P1, which was also featured in original series’ S2 Windom Earle arch.

Marjorie Green carries her dog, Armstrong, a small Mexican Chihuahua.

Here’s a good article on the absence of Badalamenti music thus far in The Return. 

No white dot in Bob Cooper's pupil/eye — life-less .

End of P4 before Bang Bang Bar is blue rose scene… shot in blue tint

Owl cookie jar on counter behind Dougie Cooper during breakfast 

A lot of Lynch visuals hearkens to Eraserhead, coming full circle in his cinematic journey of a master’s craft.

On Jun 4, 2017, at 9:59 AM, Dom wrote: I think I made a nice discovery which I posted on Reddit (Fred_Truax).

I cannot find Fred[undescore]Truax in any reddit search — author:Fred_Truax yields nothing. I’m not a Reddit reader, the whole thing is a fuck show of multi-threaded comments. It hurts my brain to go there. I can tolerate direct links, though.…

Reading Best Fan Theories at Indiewire, one theory suggests Wally Brando is really dead (source: Reddit /u/chblank), that “Lucy and Andy [are] in denial and shock … of losing her only son as a child.… Sheriff [Frank] Truman may have hired an actor to play their son — a role that fake Wally took literally, considering his “The Wild One” getup and bad “Godfather” impersonation. This could also explain why Wally Brando makes a point of telling his parents that they can convert his childhood bedroom into a study, as a way to help them move on and let go of the past.”

Same article posits that the headless body in the librarian’s apartment belongs to Major Briggs (source: Reddit /u/billy_yllib11). “Although the decapitated head belongs to the dead woman, there is a grotesquely contorted body detached underneath, one that comes from an unknown person. Later, we learn the forensics team has a match on the body, but they need military clearance to unlock its identity. Perhaps the kind of clearance that Major Briggs once had when he was working on top secret projects for the government? Of course, if the decapitated body does in fact belong to Major Briggs, it would also contextualize the appearance of his disembodied head, which floated in space at the beginning of [P3].” …But how does Dougie Cooper’s ring get in stomach?

I also noticed something strange about those two scenes:

In episode one when Sam leaves the Glass Box room the second time to go into the lobby to see Tracey (and the security guard is NOT there) he leaves the small black box of video cards on the step ladder near one of the cameras. The black box remains on the step ladder for the entire scene almost. The box disappears for a moment when they start to take off their clothes, then is back on the step ladder right before they are attacked.

However in episode 2 when Cooper enters the Glass Box and we think Sam is in the Lobby with Tracey, you can clearly see the black box of video cards and his pen on the side table next to the small couch he sits on.

Did Cooper enter this room at a different time they what it appears to be? Is Cooper in a second identical room? I just think its weird the black box is in two different locations in what appears to be the same time?

What do you guys think?

I’m beginning to understand these time shifts as backward dimension bleeding into forward dimension. BOB Cooper begins “‘yrev' very good to see you again old friend” to Gordon Cole when they first see each other again (P4). Relatedly, there’s fervent speculation that Sonny Jim blinks backwards while in back seat of car when Dougie Cooper notices Sonny and sheds a tear (P5).

Backward-forward are the two directions in which one can enter-exit the Black Lodge, shown to us in Classic Peaks and FWWM. Now we’re seeing vertical up-down direction to enter into-exit out of the Lodge, exhibited by the sudden vertical floor vibration as the Arm's doppelgänger appears and Cooper falls down through floor. Or Laura pulled up off the floor screaming into oblivion, as well as  the ghostly pirate-like figure in a jail cell floating up into thin air.

Backwards is a reality dimension different from forward (as normal) dimension. P3 glitchy quick backward-forward movement when Cooper lands into hub in space and interacts with eyes sown shut woman, a reality between the two dimensions (?), existing on the threshold — Dweller on the Threshold?

This new movement is depicted in the opening title sequence when the wavy-flowing red curtains cross fade to chevron pattern panning across floor, seemingly tracking the camera in a circle. I love the new title sequence opening drone shot over the falls, hangs on waterfall from above, dissolves to a slight CU of waterfall spray, then segues to the rhythmic curtains — an abstract version of the classic series opening dissolves from the waterfalls to a flowing river.

I am also convinced that Laura is going to leave the Black Lodge somehow and venture into the real world.

On Jun 4, 2017, at 3:01 PM, Erik wrote: Dom, did you see the Tweet I sent your way? with the info that the Casino Cooper goes to in Vegas was actually filmed in Commerce, CA. (they have actual casinos there) about 35 miles from my house. judge for yourself...

<PHOTO>

Dudes, when we finally graduate from trekking back to Peaks (WA), we have to eat at The Roadhouse Restaurant & Inn. Can’t believe we overlooked this. We’ve done the original Mar-T Cafe (plus the deplorably named and renovated Twede’s) and Fall City Grill (Haps Diner), we gotta do the Roudhouse, regardless if it’s only the exterior.

It will be interesting to see if the green revolving doors that Cooper has trouble with are actually here as well. So I guess we know where you might stay next time you come out here to Pin Peaks Locations. I thought it would even be fun to get a room and watch the season finale there, then go down to the gaming floor and "Helllloooooo!"

As far as the actual plot...

I have come upon no clues or conclusions at all. It is very dense material. What little I have read online is complex and sometimes implausable, but who am I to say?   I like the scene when Douggie is getting dressed and Sonny Boy … comes out and they make a lot of visual and action references to the Season 2 opening scene. What does it mean?  No clue.

In P4 Cooper is Home — Dougie Cooper says aloud, “Home.” This is symbolized as a birthday with balloons in the kitchen behind him. Similar balloon shapes appear when he is dropped off at outside of work building, when Cooper mimics statue pointing gun. I’m thinking Dougie is the character Lynch-Frost are using to teach the viewer how to assimilate and understand the Twin Peaks world view. From Dougie's point of view, he seems to know little or nothing about the world. He’s in process of making sense of it, and now that he's starting from home, we should follow along and we'll learn together. As viewers, we’re putting some faith in the storyline will resolve eventually, even if only in part. During the following scene when Gordon meets Denise Bryson in her office, she says, "I trust you Gordon." We should trust Lynch.… But how does this all jive with ??????’s “You are far from home”?

Gonna review a bit and start my edible regimen, no cherry pie this week, coffee and donuts YES. Last time, I cracked a beer when it started, had a full bowl next to the food. I did not touch either of them for 2 hours straight. Completely forgot about them actually. Totally engaged.   Only ate pie, donuts and coffee... I'll have messenger open at 5:30PM est standing by.

On Jun 7, 2017, at 4:38 PM, Dom wrote: So who do you think are Richard Horne's parents? Audrey and Cooper? Audrey and Jack? Ben and his wife? Jerry and some random chick?

Definitely not the son of Cooper and Audrey. Cooper’s been in the Lodge and he shot Audrey down at every turn before meeting Annie. The other possibilities are intriguing and any of them are plausible. Audrey and Jack — do you mean John Justice Wheeler? Richard Horne seems to be 25 years old and got hooked up with the wrong crowd, that’s easy to do these days. Ben and his wife? Maybe, they could have reconciled their stormy marriage. Ben does seem to have remained steadfast in earnest goodness since emerging from his civil war. Perhaps Richard Horne is Jerry's son that steals his father’s weed to sell. Or maybe Jerry is a big kahuna now in the drug trade? I doubt it. Regardless who the parents are, Richard is a Bobby Peru/Leo Johnson mutt that fits right into Lynch’s social commentary of prevalent drug use still running amok in the world.

Great to see Mike return too.

Would be cool if Mike and Bobby had a beer together at The Roadhouse, catch up a bit with each other — Bobby asking Mike, “Do you remember Laura Palmer?…” I wonder how Bobby will act around Shelly?

I also have another prediction;

The person Gordon wants to look at Cooper will be Diane play by Laura Dern. That's not much of a shock but...

Remember when Albert says he doesn't know where she lives, but knows where she drinks...

My prediction is that they will find Diane (Laura Dern) in that bar we went to in Los Angeles that night I arrived on my last visit. It has all of the nice woodwork and we had to walk down a flight of stairs to enter.

I have resisted right from the outset of Laura Dern cast as Diane. I don’t really want Diane’s identity to be revealed, would much rather have her remain anonymous on the other side of Cooper’s dictaphone. I know there’s speculation and makes sense that Diane will appear as Dern, but this way too obvious, especially after all Lynch has presented us thus far — even considering how close Dern is to Lynch. But still, I hope it isn’t so.…

I also find it weird that Agent Tammy Preston in episode 4 had to ask Albert who Phillip Jeffries is. She learned about his existence in the Secret history of Twin Peaks as she was the agent in charge of examining the dossier. She even added her own notes about him.

That is awesome about the Casino. Next time I come to Los Angeles, I am so game to go play some slots. HELLO  O  OOO OOOO!

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Muddled Waters 1

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Part of the Sweet and Spicy AU

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: your boss has a dangerous secret.

Character: Nick Fowler (mob au)

Please comment and reblog if it’s not too much. I always love getting to chat about these stories and hearing all your ideas! You all are wonderful and loved.

You skewer candied cherries on a long toothpick and balance them over a martini glass. The deep blue drink with a layer of foam is perfectly aligned with the crystal brim. You stand straight as you top off the last of the drinks, a new batch for the waiting customers.

You put the small silver measuring cup aside and nearly cry out as the silhouette hovering in the corner of your vision moves. You touch your chest in surprise as you face Nick with a bashful smile. You didn’t even know he was around that day. Lately, he’s been absent more than not.

“Oh, hi,” you laugh at yourself, “I didn’t hear you...”

“I have a bad habit of that,” he grins, “some have compared me to a cat.”

You tilt your head, “some? You mean, me?”

He shrugs, “was that you?

“Maybe,” you turn and carefully move the stemmed glasses to a tray.

“New flavour?” He nears and stands close. You can smell his cedar cologne.

“Blueberry,” you explain, “bit sweet for my tastes but it fits the season.”

“Ah, sounds interesting,” he reaches and takes one of the glasses and you gasp.

“Nick!” You turn to him and he grins as he sips, the foam clinging to his top lip. He hums as he removes the toothpick from across the rim and nibbles off one of the cherries.

“Tasty,” he commends.

“Why-- Now I’ll to make another.”

“They can wait. It’s more than worth it,” he assures, still standing close as he slurps.

You work in the warmth of his looming proximity. He’s never had much of a personal bubble. Working behind a bar, you’ve grown used to being crowded. You measure and pour and muddle. You garnish and set the drink to replace the one your boss took.

“Right, ready,” you declare.

“Here, let me get those,” he slides the tray across the counter before you can react.

“No, you don’t have to--”

“I want to. Boss man’s gotta do some work around here,” he scoffs and lifts the tray. “You take a load off, sweetheart, I need those hands well-rested. No one else has that magic touch.”

You tisk and shake your head. He can be ridiculous. You won’t complain, he’s the least uptight boss you’ve had. The place isn’t too bad. Upscale with well-tipping patronage. It’s not your typical bar. Most of your work is done behind a wall as the customers drink in private rooms or in the common room where refined jazz wafts through the dim air. The whole place drips of exclusivity.

You clean up and wipe the counter before you wash your hands. Another order appears on the screen. Customers order on a sleek touchscreen, unbothered by servers amid their hushed conversations. You assume they are the types with private jets and luxurious yachts. Of course, they’re too special to drink like normal people.

You start up the next order. Spiced apple cider. A classic though it’s not often ordered. Two to put up. You mix the drinks in mason jars with thick handles. You finish them each with a cinnamon stick.

“Ready to go?” Nick has you squeaking again.

“God,” you throw your hands up and laugh, “how do you keep doing that?”

“Hey, not my fault. You’re in the zone. You know, you get all squinty,” he makes a face, “it’s like the whole world doesn’t exist. Makes me feel a bit small.”

“Mm, well, I guess you’re right. I should pay more attention to my surroundings,” you lift the mugs, “I got these, Nick.”

“It’s no problem, one of my buddies,” he wraps his hands around the jars, “been a while since I’ve seen him.”

“Oh, okay then,” you let him take the cups.

“Take it easy. You do too much.”

You smile tightly and lean on the counter. He goes and you turn around to tidy again. You can be precise. You like a clean station. You’ve worked with too many people who leave the bartop littered in lime peel and broken toothpicks. You can’t make a good drink if you’re working in filth.

But it isn’t just your work. You try not to let the personal seep in but you can’t help who you are. Things should be just so. Books should be lined up and sorted alphabetically and the dishes should be stacked neatly, and the carpet can’t be crooked.

You exhale and run your hands over your apron. Most people might envy your boss for his high company and exorbitant wealth, you just covet his coolness. He’s never bothered by much.

“Sweetheart,” he enters, this time with fair warning. You look up at his pet name. He always calls you that. “What’s that chocolate one you did last time?” He snaps his fingers, “you know, it was kinda creamy--”

“Brandy Alexander,” you answer, “yeah, uh, we’re out of dark creme de cacao. I put it on the inventory.”

“Inventory,” he nods and his blue eyes flick away guiltily, “yeah, I was supposed to do that.”

You cross your arms, “yeah, you were.”

“Sorry, sweetheart, I swear, I thought of it,” he crinkles his nose, “but it must’ve slipped my mind.”

“Mhmm,” you sniff, “well, you have been busy. I didn’t even know you were in town.”

He looks up and his cheek dimples. His gaze falls back on you, “lots of running around. Sorry, sweetheart, if it was up to me, I’d be right here, tasting all your delights.”

You nearly snort but instead just furrow your brow.

“What?” He asks.

“Nothing,” you shrug and turn away, the screen showing another order. “Sometimes... the way you say things...”

He chuckles and leans his elbow on the counter, “I do like to choke on my own foot.”

“You know, I said before, I could make time for inventory. I don’t mind making orders--”

“Don’t bother,” he cuts your offer short, “I know people. I can take care of it. I’ll make a few calls tonight.” He stays as he is, angled against the counter as he watches you. He rests his chin on his knuckles and you glance over as you squeeze a lime dry.

“What?” You ask as you measure out the juice.

“How’d you learn to do all this?” He asks.

“I took a few courses, worked a few dives,” you say, “did a gig on a cruise ship. You know, you figure it out.”

“And you enjoy it?” He says, “I mean, I can tell you do.”

“It keeps my hands moving and my head from racing,” you explain as you mix the drink in a shaker.

“Sounds amazing,” he stands straight, “sooner or later, I need to find something to keep me busy. Something that doesn’t make me crazy.”

You garnish and he swipes up the glass before you can stop him.

“Well, you might just have a calling as a waiter,” you say sarcastically as you wipe your hands on a towel.

“I don’t know about that,” he grins, “I’m not much for taking orders.”