#if i dont look at the scores they cant hurt me

[ninyard]

OBSESSED w mic’d up content nin

ME TOO im thinking

- Matt strutting over to Kevin and nudging him to say, “Do you think we could convince Coach to let Neil go in defense again? I’m getting kind of bored,” and Kevin’s like “Dude. You’re Mic’ed up.” And Matt just looks around the stadium into one of the cameras and waves before grinning like, “oopsie daisies”

- Of course Jeremy saying thank you every time he gets the ball is so real to me but his good sportsmanship showing up all the time because he’s Mic’ed up. Helping up his opponents with a “Are you okay, you good? That sounded like it hurt.” Him cheering on anyone else when they get possession

- Nicky dodging a check and running away like, “Cant touch this dunununnun dunun dunun can’t touch this”

- also Nicky yelling everytime someone gets close to him. Kevin telling him to stop screaming and he’s like “but it’s so scawwy 🥺”

- Kevin letting out a little “woohoo!” After he scores and it’s so unexpected and cute. Neil jogs over to him like, “Did you just… woohoo?” And he just tells him to go away

- Renee with her quiet little shows of support. Little whispers of “Yess” and “let’s go!” And “goooood shot very nice”

- Allison being fake flirty with her teammates. Walking over to Dan like “BITCH you looked so hot when you got that ball you’re KILLING IT”

- I think Matt would be the funniest. He spills water on himself and he’s like “Call me a basketballer the way I’m dribbling,” and Aaron is like “What did you just say?” “Don’t worry about it.”

- just the singing. I think Nicky would be dramatically singing all the time. Him doing a little Don’t Rain On My Parade like “DONT tell me not to LIIIIIVE just sit and PUTTAH” and the play starts coming towards him “Don’t rain on my parraaaaaaaad-“ before he screams and checks someone

- Aaron beatboxing while he’s waiting for play to resume

- Neil’s running commentary, “What are you DOING?” “What WAS that?” “Are you kidding me? Are you actually kidding me?” “Jesus Christ.” “No, the ball goes this way, Matt, what the hell.”

- Also Matt taunting the other side, “Hey buddy!” “Fuck off” “Oooooh that’s not very nice. Onto the benches with you. I’ll take the ball specifically from you now and it’s all your fault. And listen, man, I’m not even sorry.”

- They make the decision to mic up Andrew once, and to everyone’s surprise, he’s actually like. Commentating like Neil is. “Wrong way, Dan.” “I’m bored. Will someone do something exciting?” Followed by some oofs and ahs and when someone shoots at him he blocks it like, “Not today.”

[littlebugs]

𝖌𝖍𝖔𝖘𝖙 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘

established relationship!ghost headcannons warnings: fem reader, reader is kinda couquetteish (tbh i wrote this for myself), fluff, ooc characters, bartender!reader, sfw, not proofread im so sorry ): rafs bloo notes: basically when i can't find what i want to read i write it lmao. also i tried to make the reader british (i said pub once)

.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .

you've been together for a year now

you guys met in a pub close to the base he was staying at, you looked at his skull mask, shrugged, and then didn't say a word about it. he came back every day after that.

little things mean a lot to him

you saw his face after only a month of dating, what can i say the man got comfy quick asf

he's always the big spoon. always. he just liked to protect you )):

he doesn't know how to make any food other than tea (which you argue isn't food but he says "it has nutrients")

he's always joking about the guys at work who have very odd names like soap??? gaz????

which leads to you meeting them (completely on "accident")

because the guys are hanging out in the break room and simon goes to the bathroom

without his phone.

like whats the worst that can happen really?

but then he gets a call from "pookster 🥰" with a picture of you in a pink sundress !!

all the guys are like silent until simon gets back

and he's like "the bloody hell is wrong with you?" and soap points at his phone

so like the guys they are they quite literally follow simon home because what's he gonna do? kill them ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა (probably)

simon drives a truck dont argue with me

and so simon's kind of pissed but also he gets to show his girl off cus ya knows ya fine (;

he's unlocking the door to the apartment and soap and gaz are standing there whispering to eachother

they're discussing the odds of l.t having a girlfriend like she didn't just pop up on his phone.

simon opens the door and you're all up in your matching itty bitty pink top and shorts with pink ribbons in your hair like ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

and you see the two guys in military outfit staring at you like an alien so you invite them in for chinese takeout

ghost is pissed

gaz actually has a good time

soap is kind of perplexed the whole time

"now ghost, how'd ya score a lass like tha-" "shut the bloody hell up johnny"

after dinner ghost decides to be mr grumpster )): so you watch tv with him in bed all night

he radiates a lot of body heat

like more than a toaster

so much that at night you'll actually be sweating but you cant escape him because his arms are BUILT

it doesn't even matter how much you weigh this man can throw you across the room like an entire ragdoll- but he wouldn't ever dream of hurting you //:

he's a big guy. he's huge (hardy har har)

so of course you steal all of his sweatshirts (they're big asf)

he smells like cologne and faintly gunsmoke

you always tell him to use more laundry detergent but you're pretty sure he never listens

other than tea he can only cook one thing which is lamb (and its actually pretty good)

nobody ever really taught him how to cook and you only know how to make drinks so you guys improvise a lot

mommy issues ):

he's so scared you'll leave him you always have to tell him that you would never !!

he's afraid that when he's on deployments he might come back and you just wouldn't be there.

he's always checking on you at work

(if we're talking MWII) this man can bend the rules a little to check his phone. anyways who's gonna tattle on him seriously

always texting "how are you?" "thinking of you" "hope you have a good day"

anytime soap catches him on his phone he goes "texting pookster?"

price overheard one time and was very confused

lets just say by the end of the day the whole task force knows about you

if anything ever happens you've got a military team to defend you so life is looking good tbh

[444-athena]

To Him.

warnings: pedophilia (if i missed any please tell me!)

I was gonna write this on paper, keep it on theme with all my other notes. but they were crushes that normally ended up with nothing happening. You're different, and it makes me feel sick.

You make me feel sick. How you could do all of that with me and then walk away like nothing happened. How you continued not only showing up at other sessions but MY SESSION and acting like nothing was wrong, like we didn't do anything in the front seats of your car.

That fucking car man. And how I cant see a black and red car, or a ford fiesta, without feeling cold all over, like I'm back there in that car where all of that happened. Where you did things that no twenty two year old should have done with a sixteen year old.

At least it only happened in the car once right? But it didn't did it? You weren't happy with once, or one place. No it happened four fucking times and once was at my fucking WORK. We stood in the back and after E--- walked in, i had to pretend like nothing had happened. As if a few minutes before you didnt ask me to get on my fucking knees as if no one could catch us. K----- was there that night. She's fucking 11. She could've walked in. But hey, makes it more fun right?

Fun. That's all it ever was to you. For me I actually thought you liked me back. How fucking pathetic that was to think. And how you made me believe it too. With all your fucking reassuring words and all of your texts, what seemed like your full attention. But you got bored of me. Fair enough, since theres probably girls your own age who would be better for you. I always noticed how your snap score would magically go up over 40 in a night even though not one of those were to me.

It fucking hurt. Knowing that all you ever wanted me for was a quick shag. And when i made it clear i didnt want that, you stopped the attention. And some fucked up part of me debated on giving you what you wanted, just for more of your attention. It fucking hurt so much i cried over it. I cried over you, and you probably never even gave me a second thought.

Do you though? When you see me, do you remember those times as much as i do? Do they fill you with a sense of dread and unease like they do for me? Probably not.

It seems like you dont give a shit if you hurt me or not, only if you got caught.

you tried getting me to lie to my fucking best friend for you. I couldn't do that though, of course E--- knew from the start. You're so stupid to think she didn't. You only told me not to because you like having the control and you cant have that if other people know. you dont have control of what they say and who they could tell.

You make me sick. Because when i look at you all I can think about is the words you told me in the car, your face so close the mine, the words you typed to me late at night, when I still thought you cared about what i had to say.

But I dont just think about that. because I know what you did to other girls. J---, I----, D----, H----. and theyre just the ones I know about. Who's to say theres not more? Fuck, they're the only underage ones i know about. and the 17 year old from when you were 21.

J---, 17 and you shagged her, then threatened her best friend to not tell anyone, saying she'd be fired from her only job.

I----, 16 and you found her facebook and followed her to her ice skating. Twice youve done that now. She's even sent a picture of you there to the group before.

D-----, 15 and you touched her in the tits "accidentally" 8 times since fucking JULY. 7 months.

H-----, 14 and you did the same a few times to her.

17, 16, 16, 15, 14. It goes up to an 8 year difference here. How fucking young are you willing to go? How sad is your fucking life that you resort to this?

How do you sleep at night, knowing what you've done is beyond me. When I got told the stories over text i thought i was about to throw up. I felt so bad for the girls. But I also feel bad for me now. because now I realise how bad that situation was.

So I just want to ask, when you see me, do you feel any guilt at all? Do you feel sorry for what you did? You know it was wrong, you told me you could go to prison for "those jokes" even though we both know they weren't jokes and you meant what you said to me. You said the same to D----, saying "sorry D--- i could go to prison for that" making jokes like that after touching up a 15 year old at 22. Just sickening.

Do you feel any guilt at all? Or are you just afraid that someday you might go too far, do this shit with a girl who will tell someone and that you'll finally get caught for the piece of shit you are?

I hope you do get caught one day. And I hope I'm there to see your life crumble. You think your so untouchable but really all it takes is for 5 teenage girls to tell someone who will believe them to completely fuck your life over.

Fuck you and your fucking ford fiesta. One day I hope I can see one without feeling sick.

Go and fuck yourself E------.

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

live blogging the first lovb game ever!!!

i payed 12 dollars for a month to watch this you better not piss me off espn!!! (spoiler there is ads...)

some notes on the stream/league itself

i like the color of the court!! the main reason i dont watch italian league is i cant look at the court like its just a me thing it hurts my eyes

the camera work isnt as good as vnl BUT for a brand new league its better than i thought it would be. we dont get to be nosy in the timeouts or anything but pretty good quality

ok the get to know the players page on the lovb website.... im sorry but it was made for me me and my vball player obsessed ass will be reading everyones favorite food

on the one hand im not immune to wanting to know the tea but i couldve done with more commentary on the match rather than the players and their life stories BUT its game 1 so i dont mind

i wish there was a bit more stats. like instead of ads breaks seeing the breakdown of ball and set placement after sets would be nice

the match itself:

so its salt lake v atlanta and follwers will know ive been waiting months for the washington kojima duo and washington isnt on the court 😭 and neither is my girl piyannut

cassanova 👀 ok ive got my eyes on you

is dani drews related to annie drews or is this the craziest coincidence of all time like theyre both opposites and lefties

oh the assistant coach of usa is head coach of salt lake 👀 is this lead up to head coach of the womens team 👀

listen kojima is back on my screen im so happy rn

anne-marie saying kojima was surprised at lovb only having 2 hours of training compared to 12 in japan. fascinating

the way salt lake hug on top of kojima cause she cant reach 💀 my short queen i love you

the anouncers keep saying which colleges players went to idgaf i dont know these places 'byu' who is that 😭

im happy to see cuttino again. i was bummed she didnt go to paris but i get to see her here <3

casanova scoring the set winning point ikdr

kojima holding hotpot night where the team cooks together oh im tearing up

hold up anouncer just said gabi was suppoed to be on the atlanta team. ummm gabi gabi lik GABI like theeeeee gabi??!?!???! ohhhhh im gonna pretend i didnt hear that (if it really is gabi guimares were talking about she wouldnt have passed up italy like lets be fr about it sjkdfdlj)

kojima all over this court and casanova unstoppable ooo when washington gets back salt lake finna be trouble

atlanta hasnt found their grove yet. maybe if they put piyannut in 👀

PIYANNUT IS HERE I REPEAT PIYANNUT IS HERE

notice how piyannut comes in and suddenly atlanta is ahead mhmm mhmm

atlanta taking a set once piyannut was out there AHHH i cant believe shes playing a few thousand miles away from me rn

sorry im not actually commenting on the playing im too focused on th plays to comment on them sjflkdsjfk maybe once im more familiar with the players

LISTEN piyannut v kojima was one of the things i was most looking forward to when they were anouncing athletes and low and behold its mzing to watch im so happy rn

the washington wasnt on court and yet had 2 iconic camera moments sjflsdkj

anyway congrats to salt lake!!!

all in all im really excited for this league to get going! i hope this ushers in a golden era for us vball. i cant wait till we get to the point in the season that i recognise players and team playstyles

[cl0sed-doorz]

ran being the biggest flirt there is but never actually scoring a girl

a/n: something i just thought loolollll should i make this longer HAHAHA

-

" you know miss you're beautiful, wanna have a date with me? " ran smirked, rindou at the back just clicked his tongue clearly annoyed in his brother's antics.

" sorry but i have a boyfriend " the girl awkwardly bowed and run off making ran sighed " i guess i'm way out of her league " dramatically putting his hands in his side

" come on bro let's just go home already, i can't wait to go home and drink this! " rindou looking at the alcohol in his hands with hearts on his eyes pushed his brother making ran just playfully roll his eyes.

staring at his ceiling, ran recounted his past girlfriends and how they all left him. like it's HIM. he have it all you name it. money, looks and certainly the attitude. maybe they all think i'm way to good for them. ran thought.

getting up to pesker his little brother he went to go in his room. " clean your room rindou! it's like a pigsty in here! " he said leaning in the doorframe pointing at the bag of chips and empty bottles littered on the floor " go away im sleeping! " rindou stirred in his bed and putting the blanket in his head. ran sighed again then sat on the bed.

" i dont even get it! im certainly super handsome yet i don't have a girlfriend! " rindou sat up and looked ran in the eye " do i really need to tell you this again and again? " rindoi sighed

" whenever you get a girlfriend its like she wasnt even there, you put your phone on do not disturb so she wont call and nag you, you ALWAYS sleep so she cant spend time with you and IF you two are on a date you always go around and just talk about yourself. " rindou just facepalmed. getting up and laying on his bed he said " im going to sleep im so drunk and my head hurts from this talk " ran layed beside him " get out already! " rindou pushes him out of the bed but ran just dont budge. " ran! what the hell get out! " rindou just turned his back from him and ran stared at the ceiling yet again. dont girlfriends need to be supportive of their boyfriends? yeah that's it. i just need to get a supportive girlfriend!

[miiilowo]

Because I want advice, I wanna ask... For someone who is not good on fps games (me), would be worth to get ultrakill or is a bad idea?

this is hard to answer because ultrakill is generally considered to be a very difficult game (the standard difficulty is marked as being hard by the game itself). the thing about that, though, is that most people play it on standard or above. there are lower settings that make the game a lot easier, and if youre not good at FPS games, then it'll play like normal. though i know a lot of people dont like playing on lower difficulties because it makes them feel like theyre cheating or theyre not "actually" playing it. regardless, there are two easy difficulties (harmless & lenient), as well as a bunch of assist and accessibility settings in the menu (ex. auto aim. you can control how much auto aim there is which is a nice touch). ive played on harmless and lenient before and i can tell you that they definitely make the game a lot easier and if dying over and over frustrates you then i can see merit in those settings (+ esp because harmless literally doubles your health)

i do think its very fun and can work for anyone who wants to try it, especially since ultrakill logs your highest score on each level and when you get better you can visibly SEE the improvement. its very encouraging

there is one plus to ultrakill that other FPS games dont have, which is that theres no ammo, and you heal by hurting enemies. as a result, youre constantly being encouraged to play, and you cant hide and look for health or ammo, which holds a lot of other games back and makes them less fun because it feels like thats the only way to play those games if youre not good at them. ultrakill doesnt have this problem. there are weapon cooldowns, but the gameplay is a constant GO GO GO that makes it a lot more fun than other FPS games. that & because its so high speed you do a lot more. pulling off combos and doing cool stuff is the goal of the game, and its interactive in a way that makes it really fun even if you arent good at the game. you WANT to get better at it. i personally cant recommend it enough but i can understand why people might be put off by how difficult the standard mode is lmao

[hymn-of-muse]

I hope this writing event gets you back into the swing of things, boo to writer's block!

I would love to see a platonic Akko x fem!reader story if possible. Maybe reader is feeling sad until Akko comes to cheer her up? It's no problem if you can't, I appreciate your time and I hope you have a lot of fun writing 😊

(its not that i have writers block, im doing a lot of original writing on my other blog and on quotev. but thank you!)

Smile For Me!

Akko + Fem!Reader, written in 2nd person.

A whole week of tests and not a single one got a good passing score. potions over boiled or went bad, spells went awry, the whole week felt like one big mess.

your grades were feeling the hurt from it too. how were you supposed to graduate as a talented witch if you couldnt get these things right?

in all of your moping about your test scores and grades, you felt a finger poke your cheek.

"Heyy! Y/N, whats with the long face? Why do you seem so sad? huh?" Akko asked, leaning over the arm of the bench you sat on in the courtyard.

"Oh, hey Akko. It's nothing." you sighed, smoothing out your uniform skirt before dropping your hands back in your lap.

"Sure doesn't seem like nothing, you have this deep frown on your face, and i dont like seeing my friends sad, so spill it!" She insisted, sitting in the empty spot next to you with a plop.

"Its just...all my tests this week so far have been either complete failures or just barely passing! at this rate my grades are going to nose dive!" You expressed, your shoulders dropping in disappointment as you talked.

"you too huh? i mean im sure you still did better than me, i made a potion blow up and still cant properly ride a broom like everyone else. its not that big of a deal though! we can always ask to try again and do better next time or do something else to make up for it! right?" Akko offered with an encouraging smile.

"hm..yeah i guess so. but im still not doing so great with magic, what if im not meant to be a witch?" The minute the words come out, Akko jumps to her feet with a determined expression.

"Nuh uh! i dont wanna hear any talk like that, youre a totally cool witch and youre gonna be one of the coolest graduates of this school, i just know it! so dont talk like that okay?" She huffed out, fists clenched at her sides and cheeks puffed out.

"i dont know about that, Akko, i can barely pull off a levitation spell let alone make a successful potion. i dont have any specific talent or anything. Sucy has her thing with potions and mushrooms, Lote can talk to spirits and fairies, Amanda's super cool on a broom, youre inspiring like Chariot! i cant do stuff like that..."

Akko listened to you express your sorrows and thought for a minute. "but theres still a lot you can do. you always know what books we need and where we can find them, youre really good at coming up with ideas and putting everyone's talents together, you could probably outsmart Diana with history facts! but you dont need to be good at everything in school and have amazing grades to be a good witch." She took your hand and continued.

"we'll practice and get better together! okay?" Akko gave you a bright hopeful smile. "Come on, stop frowning already! Smile for me, okay? here!" Akko's eyes lit up with an idea and she took out her wand, focusing on intent before casting a spell and uttering the words. with a poof of smoke she had bunny ears, a cute pink nose and small buck teeth. "Tada! no wait-awe bunny ears again? i was hoping at least for cat ears this time!"

Akko's antics made you giggle. "No i like it, it looks good on you!"

Akko looked at you with a smile again, letting go of one of her bunny ears. She was glad she got you to laugh and smile again.

"Thanks for cheering me up, Akko, youre the best."

[bridgyrose]

Could I request roleswap fallen petals if that's alright

(as you wish)

Cinder slammed a binder down on the cafeteria table and grinned. “I have everything planned out for this semester!”��

“That better not be one of my binders,” Weiss said, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. “You know how I feel about you stealing my things.” 

“I didnt steal it.” Cinder sighed and flipped through a few pages. “I borrowed it. But that doesnt matter! What matters is that I have everything planned out for this semester!” 

“Cin, I’m glad you’re getting into all of this, but maybe you should tone it down a bit.” Yang sighed and shut her notebook. “I think I’m going to finish lunch in the library.” 

“Wait Yang-” Cinder sighed and slowly sat down and pushed her binder back to Weiss as Yang left. “-and you’re already gone…” 

“I’ll go follow her,” Blake said as she packed her books up. “I’ll catch up with you guys later.” 

Cinder nodded and pushed her tray to the side. “I was hoping I could help her take her mind off things.” 

“The only thing that’ll do that is if you can help her find her sister.” Weiss pulled her binder to her and started to flip through the pages, stopping at a missing poster. “Which… you had planned for us to do.” 

“I asked my mentor to help me search for her. Even if we cant find her, then it would at least be something that might be able to help Yang. She was there for me when Rhodes dropped me off with her dad and I… wanted to try to return the favor.” 

“Between helping Blake with the White Fang and Yang with finding her sister, when were you planning for classes?” 

Cinder shrugged. “Whenever it suited me, I guess.” 

Weiss frowned. “I’m not going to let you fail out!” 

“And I wont!” Cinder looked up at Weiss with a soft smile. “I promised that I’d be a good teammate to you which means I wont let you down. Besides, if you help me try to find Ruby for Yang, then that should help you get back on a better foot with her after what happened between you and Blake.” 

Weiss glared. “Are you blackmailing me?” 

“No, I’m just trying to keep our team together.” Cinder sighed and reached for the scar along her neck. “You and I started on the wrong foot and since then, you havent exactly worked well with our teammates. And… I get it. I know what Atlas is like and I know you have a lot to prove. So maybe you can start proving yourself now and try to apologize?” 

“I… fine! I'll apologize to Blake but I still dont see how that will help me with Yang.” 

“She’s Blake’s partner. And while you didnt hurt her directly, seeing the way you treated Blake didnt exactly make her trust you.” 

Weiss rolled her eyes. “I’ll try to be better.” 

“Right, then we should get ready to look for Ruby-” 

“And you still need to study!” 

Cinder practically yelped as Weiss grabbed her wrist and started pulling her to the library. “And I will! But Yang needs us-” 

“We’ll help her this weekend when we have more time. For now, you need to make sure you’re ready for Doctor Oobleck’s class. We do not need a repeat of your scores from last year.” 

“And I told you… I’ll… be… fine!” Cinder finally pulled herself out of Weiss’s grip and stumbled back a bit, running into another student before tripping over her own feet. She groaned and sat up, moving to look at the student she hit. “Sorry about that.” 

“Its fine, just make sure you pay attention to where you’re going next time.” 

Cinder paused for a moment as she looked at the other student, her eyes wandering over the girl. Black hair with red streaks, silver eyes, pale skin… she reminded her of the girl on the missing person’s poster, but slightly older. “Dont worry. I will.” 

The girl picked herself up and smiled a bit with a cheerful smile. “Do you know where the visiting student dorms are? I think my team and I got ourselves a little lost.” 

“Yeah, they’re to the left and past the training hall.” Cinder pointed into the direction of the dorms and stood up. Her arm shook a bit as she reached out to offer a handshake. “And sorry about running into you. My name’s Cinder.” 

“Thanks. And Ruby.” 

Cinder slowly pulled her hand back when Ruby didnt take hers. “Maybe we’ll see you around for the tournament.” 

“That’s the plan if we’re lucky.” Ruby turned around to walk off. “And thanks for the directions, Cinder.” 

Cinder stayed frozen in place as she watched Ruby walk off, slowly pulling out her scroll to text Yang. “We’re still going to the library, right?” 

Weiss nodded, a little stunned. “And you still wanted to look for her sister, right?” 

“I… dont think we’ll need to worry about that anymore.”

[okkotsyui]

tw ig // vent.

i dont know when it started, im guessing the beginning of this year, but my life is just kinda falling apart. probably when i started feeling like this. i feel like everything i once had is literally slipping away from me, and i cant stop it. i lost people i cared about, i feel almost forgotten about most the time, and to top it off my grades started slipping. my dad has always been really tough on scores and school performance, and he got my report card before i did and started yelling at me before i had a chance to see it. grades were something important to me also and they were probably the only thing i could hold above other people, but now that im slipping, i have next to nothing else. nobody gives me a second glance cause i dont stand out compared to my friends, and it doesnt help that they all look like models from a magazine cover. im not popular, which never even bothered me before but its starting to make me feel even more invisible. im not pretty, im as fucking basic as a person can get. im not super skinny and dainty like my friends, who are literally as perfect as a human being could possibly be. the person i thought liked me doesnt even look me in the eye anymore, and it hurts cause i thought that someone actually did love me. my own brother laughs and mocks me openly with his friends, and doesnt say a single thing in my defence when they start making fun of me, but the moment they mention my other sibling, he gets mad and shuts them up. im the laughingstock of my family. burnt out eldest daughter with nothing else to make my stupidly overbearing parents proud. i had people in my own fg who made up lies about me against someone else, and completely shattered any trust i had in any of them by telling each other things i had told them in secrecy and private. one being in my own damn house. people are just so fucking toxic and liars, and now whenever somebody tells me something like "i care about you" or "i promise" i cant trust it for shit cause if i do ill end up getting hurt again and i honestly cannot keep doing this cause im going to fucking break. i give up

[spireof-shadows]

voici this beast of a chart. looking at it makes my brain hurt….to rub salt more into the wound i suppose not only does it list a different word using “h” for English than in the actual score BUT THEN. “GERMAN ‘CH’ AS IN BACH”. WHAT

if french people cant pronounce H what makes them think theyll be able to pronounce a german name with german CH. english natives dont even pronounce bach correctly! what!

also the IPA column. nobody here knows what the fuck the IPA alphabet is let alone how to read it 😭😭😭😭 (aside from my nitpicks it does seem to be a relatively alright guide for diction so i won’t complain too much….)

(this chart is also not even on the back of the score for the russian piece but for the score of swedish piece which. i find a bit odd. it also couldnt have been its own paper? these choices confuse me slightly but its ok….ik my choir director had 2 jump through some major hoops just to even get access to the score itself so i will not nitpick too too much. upmost respect to m. [REDACTED] )

oh my god. it's a spreadsheet. @seknots-izumimir

but im glad if its helpful... like u said looking at this makes my brain hurt. more. somehow

[unauthorizedmagicians]

Season 1 Episode 1 - Unauthorized Magic

this ended up being so long and they prob all will be tbf

Foreshadowing the time-loop from the very beginning huh? I see how it is.

Q’s mental illness being his first and last motif.

I forget how good the soundtrack is.

How exactly did he get institutionalized? Is he self-aware enough to submit himself or did his parents or what? Anyways moving on

Also, he takes a drug that's not even for depression its for OCD and phobias so maybe that's why it's not working huh…

I wish we had more of the books throughout the series. I think it's really interesting that he’s narrating it. Very much so mirrors his true belief in Fillory and in magic in season 4.

Ah yes, forgot Jane was a massive homeschool kid and was so blunt.

Julia makes me so upset in the early seasons. “You can’t run away hard enough, can you.” Firstly, shut up. Second, he admits this in the trials. Third, Quentin also does the thing where he just doesn’t tell the people in his life about his mental illness and therefore the coping mechanisms he uses look like childish escapism to everyone around him.

The contrast between Julia in the first episode telling Q to get real versus like 5 episodes later going batshit over not having magic so maybe just can it actually.

I feel the need to specify but I do not hate Julia as a character at all. She just pisses me off in the first like episode and a half or so. Like until she’s got her shit sorted w magic and the importance of restraint and all that she’s just judging everybody for everything like she’s better than so yea.

QUELIOT MEETING

“Am I hallucinating?” “If you were, how would asking me help?” ICONIQUE

Penny being a “don’t cheat off me” person in his first scene is so out of character but yk had to introduce him ig

Apparently started new meds. Yea ok. They started him on OCD meds? Alright then. They tried everything ig

Ok so she hurts herself to change the circumstances around the memory spell. But we know that this was all on purpose and Jane made sure this was what happened, that she didn’t go to Brakebills but she knew about magic so she could become stronger. So did he just not do anything?

Oml the fucking score. I could talk for hours about the score. The silence before his anger starts building, the small wind as Fogg riles him up, the deep souring as we see the shadows looking like moths on the wall, the regal brass when he builds the card castle that looks suspiciously like the one in Fillory. just. all of it

The garden path…

“You haven't been depressed, you’ve been alone” LIES. BULLSHIT. LIAR. he just wants to capitalize on ur pain and if ur taking ur meds ur not in pain so u cant cast magic but ur telling him what he wants to hear so he’ll give them up

“Nerd boy dragon porn shit” hehe little does he know

QUELIMARGO MEETING

The garden path…

The lighting in this show reflects how Q views the world. Overexposed: hope and all that shit. Underexposed: death and nihilism and all that shit

QUALICE MEETING

Hate that ship name but dont know a better one

ORLIYODI MEETING

“The answer is yes, til you pass out and  then again when you wake up.” “Did you just read my-” “nah, its just a guess” ICONIQUEEEEEEE

“The world is inherently unfair, act accordingly” one liners from day 1

Q being a little shit about Julia getting hte short end dsflkjdhgkds hate hate hate hate incel shithead hate hate hate hate sorry i was projecting from the book and only a little bit from the show

Why does he stand so close to Alice when he goes up to her

AND SHE JUST LETS HIM

Penny and kady r so married from day 1 its so painful

How does Q not know what dubstep is???

The end of this episode is absolutely brutal and nobody can react like at all

Also this last scene i cant tell if Fogg made the coin fall, if quentin did it, or if the beast did

[raincamp]

i feel like i might romanticize/glamorize SH too much, as someone with BPD + histrionic traits, romanticizing harmful/self destructive acts that get me attention is just a part of my disorder, and i try to keep it to just myself & not expose other people to it unwillingly, bc i dont believe in encouraging other people to start or to relapse

but i decided to make a post talking about the cons/bad parts of SH to cancel it out

obvious trigger warning

why you shouldn't self harm / the cons

- blood stains on everything. your mattress, your bedsheets, your favorite blanket, your comfy sweatshirt. how bad it feels knowing your whites will never be perfectly white again.

- it hurts. i mean. listen. you can say pain feels good etc etc but be fr our human instincts really don't enjoy it we just like the afteraffects/endorphins that come from it, pain by definition is uncomfortable

- having to get medical attention, or acquire medical knowledge that most people dont have. knowing the layers of skin and where all the arteries are. the fear of hitting arteries. hitting arteries and having to get help. having to pay for stitches.

- the constant need to be deeper, the never feeling like its enough, almost, almost feeling the satisfaction but never actually achieving it. the frustration after you fail. the shame of even trying.

- the addiction. the fact that its going to haunt you for the rest of your life. you could be clean for 10, 25, 40 years and you will still instinctually want to SH anytime something goes wrong and you dont feel like you can cope. you'll constantly be fighting yourself for the rest of your life.

- scars haven't ever really been a con for me tbh. but sometimes i think about the fact that i did it to myself, that theyre permanent, and theyre never going to go away, and it hits me, how a single decision can affect the entire rest of my life. permanently. and i have nobody to blame but myself. and it sucks.

- when you sh for attention and it works, and the shame you feel immediately afterward. and worse, when you get attention/validation from your scars after youve been clean for a long time and you feel like you conned & faked your way into it, and it taints the validation you were recieving.

- "promise me you'll stop 🥺 youre too pretty to do that 🥺 stop for me 🥺" when you roll up your sleeves after making a new friend and they dont get that its an addiction/that youve been clean for a while/ that you cant promise to stop because relapse is inevitable and promising will make it worse/ that its none of their fucking business jfc

- being unable to look at normal, mundane objects like razors, pencil sharpeners, exacto knives, box cutters, knives, etc. without being triggered.

- when you realize its been 10 years since you started and you STILL think about it on a regular basis.

- the itching. the nerve/sensation loss on scars. the weird zapping pains that happen years afterward. infections. the pain lasting for days/weeks. constant aftercare.

- scars fading and being triggered. seeing your scars in the mirror and being triggered. seeing other peoples scars and being triggered. seeing people score bread and being triggered. when people cut normal things and it looks just like sh and being triggered.

- clothes sticking to fresh cuts.

- either urges to relapse during winter because its easier to hide everything or overheating in the summer because you couldnt wait till winter. or both

- other people starting sh because of you. other people shing because of you. this has happened to me multiple times. i started someone's self harm addiction on accident. i can never forgive myself for it.

- forming other addictions to stop relapsing sh. being unable to stop one without leaning hard into the other. or doing both at the same time.

[selenasln]

I have this special someone that i always deny. his name is D. from the fist time i saw him, he already gets my attention. Hes soo academically cool. hes too smart and amazing to the point that i begun liking him in our 2nd quarter period. every time that i get a gleams of him.... wtf it made my day!. I dont know what happen why i have this crazy feeling towards him. cupids are sometimes so mean... at our 3rd quarter period i hear this rumors that he likes me too and like i look still that nothing and yeahh but deep in side i want to explode! my mind scream yess i do! i mean i am too. i like you. However i have to be still. i cant show any emotions i need to compose my self. i like him too much to disappoint him so for now i should just continue denying... for him not to get hurt and to save my self from the pain. I have to hide my feelings for you for now. but if the time is right and we can be still together I'll be the one to even insist to court you. sounds funny but i really mean it. i am too inlove that i always imagine us both talking and laughing together. those simple gleams of your eyes and whole handsome face, memories that we share together that i repeatedly replay in my mind those are my happy memories of you. I always think of you really. i want to know what you are doing. i want to see you every day. hear your voice and check on you. i worry every time i see that you don't care. i over think things whenever i see weird expression on your face. i also worried about what might you think when you hear my scores in quiz or test. i fucking adore your laugh, your smiles and weird mannerisms, also your childish actions and personality. i love how you understand the hard topics that i cant digest and made it too easy.... i feel like this is crazy and bad. i know my limits okay. for now its better that we stay like this. what is the point of admitting my feelings now if i can make out of it more in the future. i know the circumstances that is ahead i am too inlove to you to ruin that so for now let me just prepare my self and everything... coz you deserve the best and i want to be the one who can give you exactly that... i hope that you are really the one that ill be spending the rest of my marred life with.

[fraener]

11/25/24

having a craving for beef today so i might get some soon. also craving sweets. trumpet boy is coming to visit soon so i want to get my house spick and span for that to happen im sooooooo excited. landlords are no longer going away for months which is really sad...both for the sake of connies health and cause i was really looking forward to having some peace and quiet around here! theyre going for a week or so at some point to sell their sailboat which is sad. will have to think about moving maybe cause i like my privacy and theyre kinda weird about space. so sad also that p+s are leaving soon but really glad to be spending some time with them before they go. i hope they come back. last night at eeme with c was weird and they wouldnt really talk to me and hid kind of but s was nice to me and it seemed like they didnt know what was happening at all. feeling cold and tired but excited here and there. not looking forward to teaching my new throwing group tonight but here we go...gonna hopefully see h afterwards i miss him a lot. well after work he grabbed me and brought me home and when i saw him for longer i felt less excited to be around him because he was being very pokey and proddy physically which i cant really understand...this is a relatively recent development in our relationship where he kind of treats me like his cat and just grabs and touches me whenever he wants which i dont really like especially because he often physically restrains me. and then when we were cuddling in bed and i commented on how late it was and said i had to go to bed he said ok ill go since you dont seem very interested in cuddling anyways and i felt hurt by that cause i was like what do you think it is were doing right this minute...and then he said he didnt listen to the music i made that i sent him yet and he saw my score and laughed at me and was like "do you need help writing music cause i know how to do that" kind of dont feel like i need any help or advice from someone who doesnt really make music anymore and pretty much just learns other peoples songs on the guitar! just dont like that things have been emotionally and personally distant and his way of trying to close that gap is by thinking he should be grabbing me and picking me up or preventing me from moving around or getting away from him. i dont know. sometimes it feels like he makes these bids for attention he knows will make me uncomfortable or i dont like them on purpose so he can validate the rejection he feels cause im not giving him what hes expecting from me. i really just want this to be normal and i keep coming into our interactions thinking things will be fine and weve moved on but he cant seem to let it go in the way he behaves. he spent so much money on the san juan trip i know i have to go...and i do want to go but i just dont like being around someone thats doing things that make me uncomfortable, especially when i tell them and then they give an overblown overly accommodating response like a punishment. also not sure what to say or do about r coming to visit me. i want to have my interaction with him freely and i know if i tell h about it hes just going to flip out instead of listening to me. maybe if he flips out and then goes out of town he can cool off there. or hell be texting and calling me the whole time freaking out. ugh idk. im getting mad about it just thinking about it. especially the thing where he only gets really shitty to me if he thinks whoever it is i have a crush on has a penis that makes me angrier than anything else.

[bluddymonster]

#FLOWKAGE

https://on.soundcloud.com/WCA4GhLTtfLd6UWM9

im here to colonize the minds of the youth that you've misled

the hat read put together am i right or am i left?

this visual demonstration

point fingers at your presentation

in a pedophilic nation

conquered by vile rapist

its a waste of back & forth

but if your hurt stay the course

you gon pay for that though

like your kids in that divorce

yes im fuckin ruthless

i'll leave this black dragon toothless

have his jaw wired shut

& unable to drink juices

go ahead call it boring and say that your snoring

them 3rd grade raps more corny than im horny

even with the one flow cant deny that im scoring

im the black cat when it come to writing stories

and these expository

stop them narratives

you got a shout from rory

that's funny not discouragin

i appreciate your courage

but you speaking about surface shit

god bless the child who has to learn shit the hardway

if u thought i would quit your in for some long days

i illicit these responses cause i spew truth like kanye

rough around the edges but never acting in a broadway

hoppin on a live speakin in such a broad sense

my heart been set since before your lil brother got hit

destiny's amusing my favorite type of entertainment

and at my GOAT arraignment we will laugh at your hatred

they dont like us

specially when you might just

mic up

& blasphemize their life till they lifeless

i'll keep it honest wit ya boy

i hate you fuckin oldheads

complaining bout the truth

though it was asked by muhammad

& i know it aint my fault

we can open the vault

go line for line

you'll get your legacy disolved

when the best of me's involved

the lesser me gets lost

that veteran minimum

just aint cutting it lil dawwww

you must be injury prone

cause the history shows

them epiphanies u had

aint changed shit at all

yall told us that this rap shit was established for the sellouts

now i echoed that statement and you wanna let a yellout ?

fuck that shit ima lay you to bed now

tuck you in nice with a pamper and some meds now

your 50 right?

how was that rectal examination?

i hope your health is amazing

but after this ass whooping

they gon have to double check ya anus

fix ya lips to diss me

yo bitch ass gon need dentures

i'll go ten for ten

you'll be the end of my adventure

the fans soul's famished

they miss when rappers were clever

you spit a fat joke

and now you falling flat forever

whats your opinion on that diddy shit?

rather hear that than these opinions bitch

put the game on me boy you know that i been killin shit

the weight on my shoulders makes me perform better bitch

call me what you want

but you cant call me a phony

thru all my worst days

i wouldn't ever look below me

to beef with anyone i dont feel is worthy

on an ig live or an ig story

the truth hurt dont it

the shoe fits dont it

i make ya mood switch

then leave you feeling broken

5 types of rappers

that we see in the game

a few worth the listens

some aint worth the plays

some tryna be lyrical

confusing syllables for message

others spit spiritual

miracles in their sentences

some sell their soul

then be rappin with a vengeance

rape the culture

then get supported by the veterans

music isnt owned

by the artist thats a fact

cant even get paid

more than a cent for your rap

but you screamin out cap

lemme spit more facts

the fact is you well respected at your craft

u respect the truth

and u appreciate the math

if they give you a percentage of a cent for a stream

that smells really similar to slavery to me

ill say this gently

since you misinterpreting heavily

if the shoe fits wear it

your medley speaks to the spirit

and you say the same thing

you gahdamn midget

what the fuck is music worth?

if we dont make no money?

that is the approach

of all these rappers who be dummies

if that shit was for you

i woulda left you a clue

you a black starr baby

i heard all your tunes

them shits inspiring

and i think the worlds spiraling

are you in a bind ?

is that why your viraling?

chasing clips consciously

i think its comedy

i'll destroy your whole colony

with my lyrical sodomy

im stomping on your playground

pushing the bullies to the ground

fuck your gatekeeping

this is my slide now

cause yall didnt back joey and he was badass

yall didnt back bishy even doom saw his talent

yall didnt back the zombies you treated em like trash bags

whole city of underachievers where the raps at?

pass the baton

or get stomped in front of your mom

and yes im spittin it calm

cause the truth in these psalms

it seem that beast coast flame

is really dying out

ice spice the hottest out

& everyline that leaves her mouth

is poop fart shit,

dont pout

their was also 6 9

and yall let that one rock

everybody on the block

was screaming the lyrics of a cop

you from a clown ass city

with rats big as birds

you can say that its gritty

its just dirty you heard

fix ya mouth to diss me

you gon end up with some dentures

on this lil adventure

ill probe you on whatever

fantastic souls famished

fishing for sumn clever

he spat a fat joke

then end up fallin flat forever

flat like the monitor

when somebody passes

the old game

was sold for the bettering of masses

anger seeping thru your pores

anytime you grab pen

tryna fix your head

to discuss everything i've said

the messenger may die

but the truth has been said

rather that then the lie's told

like rap hasn't been sold to its end

if you take the truth to heart

maybe its cause the shoe fits

but i'd never defend something

that i thought wasn't legit

rather bite my tongue

& keep the air in my lungs

then waste my time on lines of lie's

from someone white as a dove

i try to stay congruent

to the part of me that loves you

all the portions of my hate

have been healed by these tussle's

im not no russel simmons

but my meditation is in rhythm's

singing lavish hymms

about tryna change the system

polution of the mind

they want the tea like lipton

but i make the world tremble

with the truth when im spitting

anytime i utter words

their on the edge of their chairs

[sunnybubblezzz]

i just dont think that you like me that much anymore- leith ross

“I just don’t think that you like me that much anymore” 

its funny because i don’t- 

“and you’ll say your busy but its not the same as before.” 

its funny because she can’t even tell me what she’s busy with. she used to before- now it’s like, “oh i’m so busy.” i kinda miss you texting me what you’re busy with. 

“and no i’m not angry i just think i’m feeling sore.”

i can’t get too angry. cause that’s a bad look-  i’m just feeling so sore. so done. so tired of loving people who don’t freaking love me back.

“cause the truth is that you just don’t like me that much anymore.” 

“i just dont think that you think about me the same way.”

i didnt get a card from you this year.. i did last year. we used to talk everyday… i haven’t talked to you in forever. i used to tell you everything i did… you didnt even know that my aunt died.

now you dont even care.

“and don’t lie through your teeth ‘cause you know that i know what you’ll say”

i will never ask you cause you’ll lie. you’ll never tell me why you’re not talking to me anymore, why we aren’t as close anymore- you’ll just lie. i KNOW what you’ll say and it wont be the truth..

so “just leave it unspoken and leave me unsure.”

dont tell me the details. dont TELL me the fun you have with your other friends. dont TELL me that youre better without me.. just leave it unspoken and leave me unsure.

leave me unsure of our friendship. text me like nothings wrong, then don’t answer me back for a week.

“you stopped calling first not that im keeping score.”

you stopped texting first.. i lowkey refuse to text you first rn because i know that youre not even thinking about me rn.

not that im keeping score…

“and the truth is that you just dont like me that much anymore.”

“and im so embarrassed.”

IM SO EMBARRASSED.

i’m embarrassed because i’m jealous of all those people who you love. i’m embarrassed because III thought we were best friends. i’m embarrassed because i spent so much money, time, and effort on you AND FOR WHAT. im embarrassed because I LOVED YOU.

“im acting like a little kid.”

and i am.. i’m crying. i am crying like a baby right now.

“passive-aggressive and practicing little tricks.”

“watch me, i learned this for you. look at the things i can do.”

yeah those paintings, those books i read because you liked them, the shoes i watched because YOU liked them, the archon quest i did because you told me to, the SHOWS i’ve watched, the conversations i’ve listened to, the things i’ve thought of doing for you…

LIKE WATCH ME- I LEARNED THIS FOR YOU.

please look at the things i can do.

just so you could like me more.. just so i can have a reason to text you about it. just so you could be happy.

“i just dont think that you like me that much anymore.”

“there’s nothing quite wrong and i guess i cant.. really be sure.”

AND THERE WE GO. maybe in the end, im just overthinking it. MAYBE, there’s NOTHING wrong. maybe this is all im my head. i cant really be sure. maybe you still like me.. maybe you never did.

“but there’s sick in my gut and FINE IM KEEPING SCORE.”

my HEART in my GUT hurts. I FEEL SICK. and i knew this was gonna happen ever since the beginning and i can feel it happen and i know that its never gonna be the same again.

AND YES FINE I AM KEEPING SCORE.

and im checking everyday to see if you texted me. and im waiting every day for a text. and i say i dont care but i really do. and i feel.. i feel sick.

“and there’s numbers and figures that i cant ignore.”

“and the truth is that you just dont like me that much anymore.”

thats the truth-

“the truth is that you just dont like me that much-“

maybe you never did like me. it doesnt matter, what does matter is that you dont like me that much. but i love you.

and i loved everything you loved and because you dont like me that much anymore-

i just don’t think i like ME that much anymore.

like if you could just drift away from our 3 year friendship like that.. maybe there’s just something unlikeable about me. maybe im just not idk worthy of love.

the truth is that you just dont like me that much anymore.