#i dont wanna see “omg yui why didnt u tell me??? i would have helped” cause it just pisses me off bc u never do

[okkotsyui]

tw ig // vent.

i dont know when it started, im guessing the beginning of this year, but my life is just kinda falling apart. probably when i started feeling like this. i feel like everything i once had is literally slipping away from me, and i cant stop it. i lost people i cared about, i feel almost forgotten about most the time, and to top it off my grades started slipping. my dad has always been really tough on scores and school performance, and he got my report card before i did and started yelling at me before i had a chance to see it. grades were something important to me also and they were probably the only thing i could hold above other people, but now that im slipping, i have next to nothing else. nobody gives me a second glance cause i dont stand out compared to my friends, and it doesnt help that they all look like models from a magazine cover. im not popular, which never even bothered me before but its starting to make me feel even more invisible. im not pretty, im as fucking basic as a person can get. im not super skinny and dainty like my friends, who are literally as perfect as a human being could possibly be. the person i thought liked me doesnt even look me in the eye anymore, and it hurts cause i thought that someone actually did love me. my own brother laughs and mocks me openly with his friends, and doesnt say a single thing in my defence when they start making fun of me, but the moment they mention my other sibling, he gets mad and shuts them up. im the laughingstock of my family. burnt out eldest daughter with nothing else to make my stupidly overbearing parents proud. i had people in my own fg who made up lies about me against someone else, and completely shattered any trust i had in any of them by telling each other things i had told them in secrecy and private. one being in my own damn house. people are just so fucking toxic and liars, and now whenever somebody tells me something like "i care about you" or "i promise" i cant trust it for shit cause if i do ill end up getting hurt again and i honestly cannot keep doing this cause im going to fucking break. i give up