#if i can afford it
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heeeheee... probably moving back out sooner than planned.... closer to the city .... more trans women.........
#mothkisser irl#just really hyped#if i can afford it#shoutout to mpls trans women#im gonna make such a cozy space
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I'm gonna die one day oh my god holy shit fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck there's no afterlife oh holy shit fuck help oh my god no no no no no
#tw death#sorry I'm having bad thoughts at night again#BUT HOLY FUCK I'M GONNA DIE ONE DAY I'M SO FUCKING SCARED BECAUSE THERE'LL BE NOTHING#IT'S FUCKING INEVITABLE FUCK#ahh im having a panic attack again god damnit#tw caps#if i had a different personality i would probably be seeking religion as a way to stop these damn panic attacks#but i don't have any faith in me at all#my brain is too science/logical focussed to believe in a god/gods#so I'll just have to deal with it ig#until it actually happens#or go to therapy at some point#if i can afford it#but god do i need it#this is my punishment for writing another chapter of a&tsp instead of sleeping#it's 00:43 rn#my cat's on me#I've got family guy the video game speedrun on tv#but i am mortal#I've been dealing with this for 3 years now ntw#since i was 14#i remember i had a panic attack when watching squid game because#watching them drop like flies like that really got to me fsr#ig the msot comforting thing about it is that it'll literally happen to everyone ever#so no matter what happens I'm not alone in any way shape or form#sorry if it sounds morbid and maybe selfish that I'm comforting myself using the knowledge of the inevitable deaths of other people#but we are all equal in death ig#like that one quote#who said that
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i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".
it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.
do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.
but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.
do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).
you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.
walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.
no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.
do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."
you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.
there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.
i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.
he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."
#spilled ink#warm up#“why did u tag it warm up” bc i wrote it off the cuff while drinkin coffee lol#btw the 30 dollar buy in for the dog walking is bc they pay the organizer a small pittance so she can#run fb ads and stuff and like she does put in a lot of work i don't mind paying her#but that's exactly what im fucking talking about like.#ppl can't afford to volunteer their time anymore and we all understand it!!! everything costs money for everyone!#like we didn't have to use to say ''do you mind paying me back for the stuff we ate''#we used to be able to afford to feed our friends once in a while!!!
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My sister works as an assistant to a disabled lady and I was joking about how I could use someone to come to my place once a week to do my dishes n shit and she said that's totally a thing they offer so I guess I'm getting another assistant
#if i can afford it#i get money specifically to pay for care but it's 150 a month even tho i supposedly need 50h of care a week ¿#so we'll see#but that would genuinely be such a massive help tbh#ganja's diary
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seeing the art to use instead of ai art for tabletop characters and I just have to say I come from a long tabletop bloodline (ish) of simply cannibalizing art from an existing rpg (or mtg card) or simply more recently tripping around on the legends of the cryptids wiki page till I find something halfway decent I like
I had a buddy who used the hexat art she has before the full hexat reveal in a campaign once and didn’t even know till years later
#and then I draw the design I settle on over and over#tula rambles#because while I am not great at art#you don’t get good without trying#I will probably post a longer version of this post on dreamwidth#also saved that post because so many good refs#personally I am also a fan of commissioning someone#if I can afford it#and once the campaign settles in enough to get going and I know it won’t stop
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happy pride instead of throwing money in the garbage buying crappy pride shit from target or pining away for mainstream franchises that only give you table scraps when it's convenient please consider directly supporting literally any of the queer indie shit being made accessible online by queer indie creators ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ your money OR your fanwork OR whatever form of support you feel compelled to offer will be so so much more impactful; marvel movies will keep coming out no matter what, but making cool fanart for that queer webcomic you've been checking in on for years could reach new readers to help the artist make rent so they can keep posting! It all helps!! Please Consider It.
#webcomics i am talking about webcomics it is the queerest form of media and i'll die on this hill#all these accessible queer stories can only exist if the creators can afford to work on them
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* ���go-to” doesn’t mean “only”! there’s a bunch of situational signoffs I haven’t put here, this is more about what you use by default
#sanders pollshit#mine is ‘au revior’#technically translates to ‘until we meet again’ but is also so intrinsically linked to melodramatic french romance films that all my emails#read just a bit like I’m trying to seduce somebody#which to be clear is my goal#my job is being silly so I can afford to get a little silly with it
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#making pikmin 4 memes since i cant afford the game....#the demo was SO FUN i hope i can play it fully sometime AAAAAAAAAAH#I’m so sorry i forgot to add alt text until now!! aaaaah!#oatchiposting#pikmin#pikmin 4#crisart#pikmin oatchi#oatchi#oatchi pikmin#pikmin memes#red pikmin#blue pikmin#yellow pikmin#pikman#nintendo#nintendo pikmin#nintendo memes#quieres
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Imagine telling somebody in 1995 that one day, Snoop Dog and Flavor Flav would both be beloved American icons highly associated with the Olympic Games. With Snoop acting as an official NBC commentator and carrying the actual Olympic torch in his 50s.
They would look at you like you were absolutely insane. What an incredible world we live in
#snoop has a rap sheet that includes arrest for drive-by gang rivalry murder on the streets of LA#and now he’s carrying an olympic torch and doing commentary on the women’s fencing event#flavor flav swooping in to fully sponsor the US water polo team bc they were working two jobs to afford practice#them gen x babies have got to be REELING#i mean obviously you can have the cynical view of celebs using the Olympics to improve their own image - which is also objectively true#porque no los dos?#Olympics
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Tried to tip a tumblr blog at 1am and it was such a suspicious transaction it immediately put a full fraud freeze on my account
Fortunately, banks no longer just ask 'did you make that transaction' they want to make sure you weren't scammed into making that transaction and 5mins after their call will give away all your money anyway.
This is an honest to goodness life saving movement and I cannot be happier banks are adopting it
Unfortunately, it meant I had to have the most embarrassing financial call of my life
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Me: Ah yeah I was just trying to tip a tumblr blog
Cash: right and were you directed there by a Facebook link? An Instagram advert?
Me: no I was just on tumblr...on purpose
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Caah: and this person asked you for money?
Me: oh no they just had a funny story, which happened to be about money and I thought, "wouldn't it be funny if I tipped them"
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Me: * covering a reblog by reblog update on the adventures my mutual was having *
Cash: okay I don't think that can actually happen though..
Me: It might not have, but i was happy to tip them just because it was funny
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Cash: and how well do you think you know this person?
Me: *considers explaining how much I know about a beloved mutual without ever knowing their name or face* ... I have no idea who this person is
I think in the end Cash decided there was no saving me from myself
#Chase unblocked my card#But I did not come off well#But this is a good thing!#Be fraud aware!#Tipping a blog should be like handing money to someone in the street#Only do it if you can afford it and WANT TO and do not care what it goes on#It COULD be a scam#You've got to be alright with that#YOU DO NOT KNOW THESE PEOPLE#THE VET BILL ASKS ARE A SCAM#scams
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So... heat waves are fun (not)
(Bonus : Mama Jamil)
#i can handle the heat#but my skin is paler than a nun's butt#i can't go out under the sun without spontaneously combusting!#Jamil's rambling is made for laughs but he's actually right#don't go out at peak sunlight hours#if you really need to go out take an umbrella and cover your head!#especially if you have thin hair#always carry a water bottle with you#cooling pads are your friends if you can afford them#washing your hands; feet; and face helps lower your own temperature#dont hesitate to make a foot bath if you're at home#if you have fans you can put a bowl of ice in front of it to blow cold air#when I draw during a heat wave I have a foot bath and a humid towel on my shoulders#that's all for PSA!#mello's drawings#twisted wonderland#twst#azul ashengrotto#jade leech#floyd leech#jamil viper#kalim al asim#art#my art#heat wave
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how foolish can one man be?
#riza hawkeye#roy mustang#royai#fullmetal alchemist#fma#redraw of one of my favorite panels#that i hate brotherhood for not doing it justice#because in manga roy takes his gloves off to lower riza's gun. he lowers his weapon before he can lower hers#it means the world to me i honestly want to get it tattooed lol#isn't it funny also that he threatens to fight everyone but not riza#he can't afford to lose her... he has hurt her again.... he refuses to touch her with those gloves again..... sighs.. SIGHS..sighsssss
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Keep seeing people confused by Agatha letting the world believe she traded her son instead of telling the truth, but…kinda tracks, tbh. Not for the rational mind, of course. Not if you’re looking at it clearly.
Which Agatha isn’t.
She did the worst thing, in her mind. She fell asleep. She fell asleep, knowing Death had bookmarked her son for later, and when she woke, found him snatched out from under her. She failed him as his mother. She let go. And all the power in all the world wouldn’t be enough to bring him back.
So does the wildly grieving woman who has just lost her only child (to presumably her greatest love, but that’s a city-sized suitcase for another day) let herself go through the process of coping with and adapting to that grief? Fuck no! What is she, common?? She goes on a power bender! Even though the kid she prized in her heart of hearts seemed less than into that very thing! Even though that kid may have been able, given enough time, to convince her to stop! So now, not only did she fail him, but she also opted to speed race down Murder Road! For power! That she still won’t ever be able to use to get him back!
It gets muddled, after decades and centuries of this feeling. It grows teeth. In a way, she did trade him for power. In a way, she’ll always have that sitting on her chest. Never mind that it’s not true. Never mind that she wasn’t a bad mother at all (in this respect, anyway). Never mind that he was sick, and this was always coming. For Agatha, who has been stewing on this story she’s been telling herself for centuries, it is what happened. She traded her son. She did the unforgivable. She fell asleep.
#agatha all along#agatha all along spoilers#agatha harkness#babes this is not a stable woman#we all know this. she’s on a ride no one else can afford a ticket to from the jump#how do you see yourself? as someone who couldn’t stand in the way of death. who can’t solve death.#how do you see yourself? as this all-powerful brilliant mind. this impeccable con woman. and what’s the heart of a good con?#a story#agatha harkness is so goddamn good at lying that she’s convinced herself#it’s the ultimate play on a mind that has been repressing her grief for centuries#of course it makes no sense to me. I didn’t lose a child.
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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this disability pride month you can help disabled people by continuing to mask up, using appropriate masks (KN95 or N95) and appropriate masking technique (wash your hands before and after putting it on, don't touch the front, make sure there's no gaping) 🫧
#rambles#this is aimed at those who can both afford to mask / have resources available#& are physically able to#I personally am at risk while masking but still aim to as much as possible#because i am. equally at risk to another group of things when not masking !#yay me#anyway#disability posting#disabled#disability#chronically ill#chronic illness#invisible disability#invisible illness#dynamic disability#neurodivergent#masking#mask up#covid#long covid
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Oof imagine hyping up this big announcement all week only for everyone to react by saying it's the worst idea ever. A swing and a miss, my guys.
#watcher#watcher entertainment#I love you all#But there's no way you will keep most of your fanbase#We can't afford to pay for yet another streaming subscription service when some of us can barely afford groceries
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