#if he's still that much “in development” sending him to the moose

[twilitdragoneye]

I really need the Winnipeg commentators to not act like Stanley pushing a guy after the play is done is some kind of amazing defensive play. Dude is still barely making a difference as a D-man and since he gave up the puck that led to the shot that Helley had to freeze it's not like he even made a (positive)difference on that specific play

[gingerteaonthetardis]

MSR prompts you say? This is a bit weird but, an autopsy record has more than the autopsy on it. Mainly Mulder and Scully being ... well themselves. (Basically Mulder interrupts Scully mid Autopsy and she forgets to turn off the recording.) -disappears into the ether-

thinky!!! i had so much fun writing this, i hope you like it even if you don't really go here and i don't really know what i'm doing. <3 thank you for prompting me and for always being an incredible friend.

click here to read on ao3!

click here to send me another prompt!

warning for: lame ass gag names, brief objectification of a corpse, mulder being a sentimental dweeb (but what else is new), msr being sickeningly in love

-

for posterity

-

He finds it in a dusty box, crammed in beside VHS tapes and manila folders and a million other memories, and he can't help himself.

He presses play.

A static hiss. A crunch. The rush of movement through still, cloistered air.

He hears the recorder clicking into place, suspended over the gurney. He's seen it there before, hanging like a pendulum, poised to hear every word she speaks from every possible angle.

"11:32 p.m., August 1st."

Like so.

"Begin autopsy on unidentified white male, weighing… 198 lbs. in extremis. No immediately visible cause of death."

There's a puff of breath near the recorder, and he can picture her blowing it out between her full lips. Balanced on her tip-toes, leaning out over the body to get her closest approximation of a top down look.

"Subject appears to be between the ages of thirty-five and forty, and healthy. That is, he's in good shape."

He pops a potato chip between his lips with a crunch. She sounds flustered. Interesting.

"Uh, really good shape, actually. Well-developed pectorals, abdominals, and whew, that inguinal ligament—wait," she says, voice slipping out of its even, prim cadence, "what the hell am I saying?"

He snorts.

She sighs, and it's tinny but familiar. "Okay. Get it together, Dana… A visual examination of the epidermis shows multiple tattoos, relatively fresh. The newest, on the upper left thigh, is—" and her words go the tiniest bit muffled as, he assumes, she leans in close to the appendage, "—still slightly scabbed. Certainly less than two weeks old. It's in the shape of a… a reindeer head? A moose? Huh. How… cute."

Charmingly, she says it like being cute is an infectious disease an otherwise appealing corpse has been tragically inflicted with.

"Artifacts left at the scene suggest that the subject had some sort of fixation on body modifications, or perhaps needles in general. However, the extensive tattooed area makes it difficult to determine if injection of some kind played a role in his death, as initial findings suggest. I'll have to look beneath the surface. Beginning with a Y-incision…"

His nose wrinkles, and he's quite certain the next bit will put him off his chips, so he hurriedly presses the fast-forward button, zipping through a few minutes of audio.

It resumes on a splat.

"...heart weighs 520 grams, no signs of aching or breaking," she cracks to herself before clearing her throat. "Appears healthy."

He's always suspected she's like this when he isn't around for autopsies, looking over her shoulder and going green as a Painted Parakeet with car sickness, pitching theories at her like he's playing for the Mets. When she goes in alone, she tends to leave the morgue with a kind of tranquility about her—a counterintuitive freshness that even the stale scent of latex and bitter iron can't hide. Her smiles are a little brighter.

Perhaps, he considers, it is simply the opportunity to reconnect with what makes sense to her: anatomy, the body and the story it tells. Everything connected, with clear delineations of where each piece belongs along the way.

There is so little ambiguity in the arrangement of a person's organs. Mysteries cannot help but stumble forth to reveal themselves.

But it's equally possible Scully just likes her own jokes. Her achy breaky jokes.

"This is interesting," she interrupts him, as she so often does when he's on a roll. She doesn't even have to be physically present to do it. Her undercurrent of genuine excitement pricks at his ear. "There's some cirrhosis of the liver, atypical for someone who bears no outward signs of extreme alcohol usage or any of the other usual physical risk factors. Perhaps the subject was participating in regular steroid use, or—"

On the tape, a door swings open and closes on an exuberant thunk.

"Whoa! I didn't know we were getting a celebrity in." His voice crackles out from the speaker. "Or that Steve Reeves had so much ink."

"Steve Reeves is about seventy, Mulder."

His own startled laugh sounds very, very young and—he winces—tinged with an arrogance that can't be tamed, even by his partner's dry replies.

But past-him is too intrigued for self-consciousness. "You know who Steve Reeves is, Scully?"

"I have two brothers." Her tone has gone cool and inscrutable, the loss of her previous lightness palpable in a way that only a voyeur could sense. But she was always so careful with him, back then. "Do we have an ID yet?"

"No, not yet. Prints are still being processed. But the name given at the motel check-in desk was clearly false."

"Let me guess, 'Steve Reeves'?" Listening hard, he can practically hear her eyebrow twitching upward, the faint lift at one corner of her mouth.

"Try 'Mike Hawk.' Jeez, what's that a tattoo of?" he adds distractedly. "A Rorschach test?"

There's silence for a second on the tape, and he suddenly remembers this exchange. Vividly. "Oh my God," he mumbles, abandoning his chips in favor of rolling over on the couch.

He sets the recorder down cautiously, like it's a holy relic, and stares at it, grinning with his chin propped on crossed forearms.

"I don't get it."

"Don't get what, Scully?"

"Why would that be an alias?"

"Why would the name 'Mike Hawk' be an alias? Mike Hawk?" His words are tinged with an obvious grin. Probably smug, as is his wont. Some things never change. "Mike Hawk."

There's a snapping sound as Scully removes her gloves. He recollects how they caught on her fingertips, causing a bit of a struggle as she spoke. The beginnings of a blush had seeped into her cheeks, the sting of embarrassment her fair skin couldn't help but betray.

"Why do you keep saying it at me? It's a perfectly ordinary-sounding name, Mulder."

"Didn't you just say you had two brothers? Mike Hawk, Scully, come on. Known associate of the dirty devil Mike Hunt?"

"I think Mike Hunt was in my sixth grade class."

On the recording, he can barely speak with the effort not to laugh. But there was another feeling, too, in that moment, one he remembers well: a pulse of intrigue, of fascination, which used to catch him off guard. He never knew how to cope with the reminder that Scully the woman—a shadowy mystery, perpetually out of his reach—existed in cohabitation with Scully his partner, the woman he saw every day.

This was the person who threw wadded up bits of paper at his face when he fell asleep with his mouth open; who wore men's deodorant on the road just so, in a pinch, they could share. Back then, Scully using any word—even unknowingly—to acknowledge her own sexuality felt like sudden, blazing exposure to the Lost Ark. It was a miracle his face hadn't melted clean off.

But it was a line they'd taken so much care not to blur, even then.

Now, he listens as it all begins to deteriorate over a puerile joke.

"Listen, Scully, listen to the sounds. Mike," his past self says, stretching the syllable, "Hawk."

"I am listening! You sound ridiculous! What am I supposed to be hearing?"

"You're supposed to be hearing 'Mike Hawk'!" He chuckles quietly to himself. "I can't believe this. The smartest woman I've ever met doesn't know about Mike Hawk."

"Well, I wouldn't say that," she casually replies. "I did see you in a bathrobe once."

The words are so perfectly clear, and suddenly all the noise—the shoe-shuffling, the rush of water as she washes her hands, even the background hum of the refrigeration units—seems to stop.

An interminable second passes in which he wonders if the recording got cut off. But, no.

That's just how long it took him to put the pieces together.

He closes his eyes, picturing it: the pert angle of her stubborn chin, the smirking tilt to her lips. Sparkling amusement, tinged with an adorable hint of triumph.

His grin grows. Scully really does like her own jokes.

"Scully!" his recorded voice bursts out, suffused with delight and bafflement. There's a thread of horror there, too. And desire, but that's more or less a given.

Her voice is thrillingly deadpan as she pronounces, "Gotcha."

"I don't believe it!"

"Mulder, has anyone ever told you that you're endearingly naïve?"

"You little—you just wanted to hear me say 'my cock' over and over, didn't you?"

She clears her throat, a demure little ahem.

"That would be very unprofessional of me."

In sync, both his past and present self laugh, one compressed and crunched by time, the other ever-so-slightly roughened by the same.

"That's not a denial."

"No," she replies. "It's not."

God, he can barely believe this conversation was recorded for posterity. This, of all moments. The moment when he realized maybe Scully enjoyed their flirting. That maybe, when he pushed, she could be counted on to push back.

Even now, belly down on the couch in the privacy of his own home, his stomach clenches at the memory.

She's always been the better actor, between the two of them. He's convinced she could get away with anything, and she more or less has. But the warm undercurrent of invitation on that recording is unmistakable.

"Scully." Closer to the recorder now, he goes low and flirtatious, even as he cautiously asks, "Are you coming on to me?"

He doesn't hear her answer this time around; instead, his ears catch on the rattle of keys, the click of the lock in the front door. When he glances up from the little black box, there she is in the open doorway, auburn hair catching the light.

She's holding the brown bag of takeout in one arm and her purse and keys in the other, and before he can think, he's pressing the pause button on the recorder, shoving it under a pillow, and going straight to her.

"Mulder, what are—?"

Wrestling the bag out of her hands, he stoops his shoulders and catches her lips in a long, hard kiss.

She doesn't expect the force of it, but she's got the legs of something seaborn, unbending against his tide. She accepts the assault with parted lips, mouth already curving like she's laughing at one of her own jokes.

"You must be really craving that Pad Thai," she whispers.

"Nope." He isn't even embarrassed by his own breathlessness, how hurriedly he dives back in to breathe her air. "Just you." He feels the muscles move as her eyebrow jumps toward her hairline, same as ever, and it's like all the blood drains from his brain.

It's hard to help her shed her coat with one hand holding noodles and the other in her hair and the bulk of her back pressed to the door—but he likes to think he makes it work.

"Hey," she murmurs, freeing herself enough to drop a kiss on his chin, "this have something to do with what you just crammed between our couch cushions? You weren't digging through my old cassettes again, were you?"

His eyes light up at the reminder of that particular discovery. "I didn't even know they made erotic audiobooks, seriously. A whole avenue, Scully, a whole dimension of pornography I was completely ignorant of until you opened my eyes! But," he stops, shaking off his momentary distraction, "no, that's not it."

He pauses for another kiss, lingering again because he can.

"It was an old audio log, an autopsy you did on one of our cases."

"An X-File?"

He and the takeout make it to the couch, Scully only a beat behind, pausing to kick off her little heeled boots. She's been breaking them in, claiming she'll need them if they're going to be chasing lights together again.

"No, it was a case we took on as a favor to someone. I can't remember now… What was his name?" He snaps his fingers. "Ben… something. Ben Dover? Or was it Mike Hunt?"

And Scully—well, she just wouldn't be Scully if she wasn't immediately hip to his bullshit, attuned to it like a sniffer dog to a suspicious scent. Her gaze narrows, and he grins at the way her eyelids flutter in an attempt not to immediately and violently roll her eyes. She's had a lot of practice, but he truly is a hazard to her ocular health.

Her smile, though. She can't help herself. It spills out at the edges, softening the corners of her mouth, even as it carves her laugh lines deeper.

She smiles more now than she ever did back then, and he treasures each one. The twist of her lips always feels like he's pilfering extra helpings from some great cosmic store of joy. It's an untold pleasure to watch the wrinkles form, knowing how hard-earned her smiles used to be.

Now, she's happy. She gives them out for free.

"I remember that case," she sighs, flopping down beside him on the couch, kicking her socked feet up on the coffee table. "God, we were young."

"I was 'endearingly naïve,' if I'm to take your word for it."

"Did I say that?" Her lips quirk in wry amusement. "Doesn't sound like me. I must have been in love."

"Yeah," he agrees, stealing another kiss. "Must have been." She softens against him.

He's about to steal something else—second base, if he's lucky—when there's a muffled sound from under the pillow. The distinct sound of his own voice saying, "Mike Hawk" over and over again. Their disturbance of the couch cushions must have started the tape over.

Scully's snorted giggle parts their lips. Her eyes dance like sapphires under the sun. "Did we ever figure out the victim's name?"

"You don't remember?" He sits back, shaking his head. "Wow, Scully, you really love 'em and leave 'em. I thought you had a thing for the guy."

"The dead guy?"

"Yeah, who else? Don't try to deny it, it's all on the tape."

She just shrugs. "Well, if I did—which I can neither confirm nor deny—it's only because I had a lot of tension back then… for some reason."

The grin he's wearing is probably so goofy, and hell if he cares.

Someone once called him one sorry sonuvabitch, but all Fox Mulder knows is that he's lucky. So ridiculously, obscenely, deliriously lucky, sitting next to the girl of his dreams, his once and future partner—twenty years later, on a couch they bought together, in a house they call home.

Twenty years, and she still flirts back.

"The guy's name was Eric," he finally says, because he can't not. Especially when it's the truth. "Eric Shunn."

Scully's laugh is so loud and uninhibited it rings through the house. And he has the distinct pleasure of letting it go on a while before silencing it with his lips.

[sirenofthetimes]

Every Proposal on Gilmore Girls Was Absolutely Unhinged

This show was rich in couples, swimming in conflict, and desperately lacking in healthy communication. Which made for some batshit marriage proposals! Let's go:

Christopher to Lorelai in Season 1 ep. 15: Christopher Returns

In Christopher's first appearance on the show, he rocks up to Stars Hollow on his motorcycle at the end of the previous episode, out of the blue, and in this one archetypes are made clear: he establishes himself as the irresponsible deadbeat single dad to Lorelai's hardworking, mature yet still fun single mom. They have a weird dinner with everyone's parents where his parents, Straub and Francine, are shown to be even more uptight and awful than Richard and Emily can be. A lot of fighting and yelling and relitigating past choices ensues. Then Lorelai and Christopher go off to have emotional, nostalgic sex on her childhood balcony, and off the strength of that, he walks into her kitchen the next morning and blurts out that he wants to marry her so they can be a "real family". They barely see each other. They know hardly anything about each other's current lives. This is the first time he's visited the town they've been living in since Rory was a child and yet. A marriage proposal. Naturally, she turns him down, but we have not heard the last of Christopher Hayden.

Max to Lorelai in Season 1 ep. 21: Love, Daisies and Troubadours

This relationship was used mostly to discuss Lorelai's commitment issues, the difficulties of dating as a single mom, and have her fight allegations of her being promiscuous (which are not true, she can be very sexually conservative) by having her do something risky like try to date one of her daughter's teachers at the stuffy private school that also exists in her parents' world. So despite them having okay chemistry, they haven't really dated much and broke up after two months before getting back together shortly before the night of the proposal. Max comes by the house to pick Lorelai up and finds Luke there getting his toolbox and relaying the news that Rachel broke up with him (because she has a basic level of intuition and picked up on his feelings for Lorelai). Max and Luke have a very cringy dick measuring contest, Max (in possession of similar intuition) assumes Luke and Lorelai dated at some point but it's not season 5 yet so she's not legally allowed to admit she's into Luke. They argue, Max expresses frustration that their relationship can never seem to get off the ground, and what does he propose as a solution? Yoking their lives together in blessed matrimony. Lorelai is justifiably frustrated and tells him that's not how you propose, that a proposal is supposed to be special and grand. She lists "a thousand yellow daisies" as an example how to truly pop the question and the next day Max arranges for that famous logistical nightmare romantic gesture at the inn, then says some flowery bullshit on the phone and because it's the season finale and emotions are high, Lorelai accepts. Though later, right after her bachelorette party, she runs away and calls off the wedding. They meet a couple more times for closure, and then the relationship is truly dead.

Jackson to Sookie in Season 2 ep 13: A-Tisket A-Tasket

Sookie and Jackson's budding relationship has actually been pretty nice to watch up until this point. They have a fun balance between awkward but cute flirting and comical bickering about produce. But there's something in the area's water supply that makes people unable to clearly express their wants and needs in a romantic relationship so when Sookie doesn't respond how Jackson wanted her to to him saying his lease was up and asking her what she thought, he sulks. The sulking manifests itself in him not bidding on Sookie's basket at the bid a basket auction so she confronts him to see what's up and they actually manage to have a decent conversation about what moving in together would mean. And that could've been a nice ending for that storyline. But shacking up together? Out of wedlock? Impossible. So at their picnic for two, Jackson fakes Sookie out and says he doesn't want to talk about moving in together any more... because he thinks they should get married. Sookie, reeling from that whiplash, accepts, and since the rules of TV beta couples states they must move faster than the main will-they-won't-they couple at all times, they get married, stay married, and continue struggling to effectively talk through big life decisions,with some admittedly nice moments in between.

Lorelai to Luke in Season 5 ep 22: A House is Not a Home and Season 6 ep 1: New and Improved Lorelai

Lorelai and Luke are in kind of a weird place at the moment, with Luke upset with Lorelai for considering selling the Dragonfly to a corporation owned by one of her father's contacts, which would have her traveling and consulting instead. While she's not too serious about it, she's enjoying being courted by the company, but this is in complete disregard for the giant house Luke bought without telling her or the kids he's thinking about having that he also hasn't discussed with her so it's causing problems. This is forgotten however with the news that Rory wants to take time off from Yale after receiving some rare negative feedback, and that Richard and Emily are letting her stay with them after just telling Lorelai they would help her force Rory back into Yale. So when Lorelai walks into the diner lamenting the fact that Rory is making a decision independent from the vision Lorelai had for her life, and Luke comes forth with a nonsensical plan to, again, force Rory back to Yale, Lorelai is touched that she finally has someone on her side. And since she's a veteran of the season finale marriage proposal, she celebrates having her partner agree with her by asking him to marry her. He accepts in the next season's premiere with no hesitation, but eventually their tendency to hide things from each other to not ruin their relationship.... ruins their relationship. Shocking.

Zack to Lane in Season 6 ep 16: Bridesmaids Revisited

Zack is on a bit of a redemption tour after ruining Hep Alien's showcase in front of a major label by throwing a tantrum about Brian potentially writing a song for Lane. This random burst of jealousy sends him on a power trip that has him throwing out their set list and screaming at his band mates until a fight breaks out and the band and him and Lane split up. But when he sees Lane in the music shop some time later putting up a flier advertising her drumming services to other bands, the thought of her daring to potentially continue living her life without him spurs Zach into action. He convinces Brian and Gil to get the band back together and they're in if Lane's in. And his way of getting Lane back is to walk into Luke's while she's working, go off on some tangent about how he doesn't feel good, and propose in front of a huge crowd of gossipy small town people. Lane must have smacked her head on some antique furniture that day because although she at least stops to ask if he's thought about this, when he presents her with the pawn shop ring he got that "belonged to like an Elk or a Moose or something", she accepts and walks right into marriage and babies land and right out of development that would make sense for her character or be interesting.

Christopher to Lorelai in Season 7 ep. 7: French Twist

Ever since Lorelai walked out of her fraught engagement with Luke and into Christopher's bed, he has taken the reality of a woman coping with feelings of rejection by hooking up with the man she keeps stashed in the background for occasions such as these, and spun it into an elaborate romantic tale of two star crossed loves who waited their whole lives to be together. And when Sherry who, guided by the hands of karma, previously abandoned Gigi leaving Christopher to raise her on his own, writes a letter saying she's totally fine now trust her and wants Gigi to spend a few months with her in Paris, Christopher invites Lorelai along for a big romantic gesture trip. They spend most of it jetlagged, but Christopher remembers he's super rich now (as opposed to just being regular rich like before) and he bribes a restaurant to open early for the two of them. Lorelai, basking in the romance™ of it all, confesses her love, and Christopher pounces on that and starts in on a whole speech. Basically, even though he said he'd be willing to wait for Lorelai to fall in line with his vision, he doesn't feel like waiting any more. Lorelai, sensing where this is going, suggests they wait, as they've only been really dating for a couple of months. She also brings up Rory, figuring she'd want to be up to date and present any big changes. But Christopher waves those perfectly valid concerns away, stresses how long they've known each other, insists that they're meant to be, and fate has brought them together. And then comes out with it and asks her to marry him. Which are very intense words for Lorelai, an emotionally vulnerable woman who just broke off an engagement because her fiancé seemed overly hesitant to actually get married, to hear. We don't see her accept, but there's a scene of them returning home where he calls her "Mrs. Hayden" (as if she would ever change her name), and their marriage immediately began to fall apart like wet tissue paper.

Logan to Rory in Season 7 ep. 21: Unto the Breach

It's the end of Rory's time at Yale, and on the heels of her New York Times fellowship rejection, rejections from other newspapers across the country, and the fact that she rejected her one job offer for better things that did not come, Rory's future is wide open and unstable. On the other hand, Logan is completing his character transformation from irresponsible party animal trust fund kid to hardworking and responsible trust fund kid, accepting a job offer for an internet company in San Francisco. The question emerges: How will the young couple handle this next phase of their lives? And when Logan shows up at Lorelai's house in the previous episode, he comes with a solution. He wants to marry Rory and take her to California, and he wants Lorelai's blessing to propose. She gives it, though not without trepidation, and Logan does propose. In the middle of the graduation party Richard and Emily are throwing for Rory, he gets up in front of everyone and takes out the ring. Rory is caught completely off guard and takes him outside to talk about it, where he reveals that he got the job, picked out a house for them to rent, researched newspapers where she could apply to work, and even planned activities for them to do in their spare time. The original plan being that she would say yes to his proposal without knowing all this and walk blindly into her new, pre-arranged West Coast life. But Rory needs time to process the idea of marrying Logan immediately after college, and on the day of her graduation, she declines. Logan decides if he can't marry her, there's no point in being with her at all, and the two go their separate ways, to eventually meet again in a years long affair, for some reason. Though I barely acknowledge the revival.

Honestly, the only proposal that truly makes sense is Lorelai's to Luke in the revival but I won't discuss it here because a) again, the revival basically doesn't exist to me and b) they should've married during the original run of the show.

[dickspeightjrs]

New Year’s Eve (au / 1.6k words / parent!destiel)

ao3 link

Ten years ago, Dean would never have dreamed of being at home on New Year’s Eve. But now? He couldn’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be.

Taking in the sight in front of him, he wouldn’t change a thing.

The TV was playing quietly with the sounds of the DVD menu repeating itself. He could feel the warm weight of a small body relaxed against him.

Looking down he could see the blond wisps of hair on his daughter’s head. The three-year-old had been determined to stay awake until midnight like everyone else but it seemed she’d been defeated by the sleep monster (which surprised absolutely no one).

Dean reached out a careful hand, making sure not to jostle Emma in her slumber, to grab her Frozen blanket from her lap and wrap it around her shoulders.

Another hand reached across to help secure the wrapping. Dean allowed the comforting hand to brush against his and looked up to meet his husband’s eye.

“So much for her wanting to stay awake like a big girl.” Blue eyes lit up with a chuckle.

Dean snorted. “Yeah. Guess she must have crashed out after the second load of candy and Tangled.”

“Though, to be fair,” Castiel said, eying the clock on the wall above the fireplace, “it’s only fifteen minutes until midnight, so she was close.”

“Hm,” Dean agreed. “She’ll have to try for a new record next year.”

Castiel chuckled, a small smile gracing his features. Dean let himself get lost in it for a moment.

He wasn’t usually one to be overly sentimental (he left that to his brother Sammy) but looking at his husband in the dim light of their living room, Dean couldn’t help but be grateful to whoever looked down on them that he got another year with the man.

Dean hadn’t been joking when he thought about how he used to spend his New Years Eve. The Dean before he met Cas was one that he now couldn’t believe ever existed.

His childhood wasn’t the happiest, which resulted in Dean searching for that happiness in other places. As a teenager, and into his twenties, Dean found himself stumbling in and out of bars with an endless stream of black eyes and bed partners.

But then he’d met Cas – who had just graduated from college – and everything changed.

“What are you thinking about?” Castiel asked, softly, bringing Dean back to the moment.

“Just how much I love you.” Dean hummed.

Castiel scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Okay, Mr Sentimental, I think it’s time for bed for you too.”

Dean was ready with a retort about how being a little romantic wasn’t because he was tired, but a yawn fought its way up through his throat instead, rendering his point useless.

Castiel levelled Dean with an arched eyebrow, which Dean knew all too well meant I told you so.

“Okay, fine,” Dean relented. “Let’s head to bed. You tidy up the movie snacks in here and I’ll take Em upstairs. Meet you up there in five?”

His husband nodded in agreement and placed a soft kiss on their daughter’s head as Dean scooped her carefully into his arms – keeping the blanket cocoon firmly in place around her.

Walking through the house to the bottom of the stairs, Dean holds Emma firmly but lovingly in his arms.

She was another addition to his life that he’d never seen coming.

After raising his brother, Dean had sworn off having children of his own. Not that it was Sam’s fault, that kid turned out great, but Dean had had parenthood forced upon him once. There was no way he was going to voluntarily choose it again.

Even his developing relationship with Castiel wasn’t going to change it.

That was until Dean had attended a particularly bad call at work.

He had followed his secret dream of becoming a firefighter once Castiel had managed to needle it out of him (perceptive bastard). To start with, most calls had been pretty average with the occasional major job thrown in.

But this call had been the worst Dean had ever attended.

Some guys had hijacked a lorry and taken it for a joyride, only stopping when they eventually collided with an on-coming car in the other lane.

The sole survivor of the entire wreck was a little baby girl, trapped but ultimately unhurt in the backseat of the car.

It had been Dean’s job to monitor her as the others worked to cut open the car to get to her safely.

In those moments, Dean fell in love with the little girl. Despite the environment surrounding her, she didn’t cry. Instead, she spent the whole time with her tiny fist grasped around Dean’s finger and staring up at him with the biggest blue eyes he’d ever seen – ones that reminded him of Castiel.

Eventually, after safely retrieving her from the wreckage, Dean held her close as he allowed the paramedics check her over. Dean had let out a sigh of relief when they said it didn’t seem that she’d sustained any injuries, but they’d decided to take her to the hospital for a full check up anyway.

Staying with her in the ambulance, Dean kept his firm hold on her as she finally cried from sheer exhaustion. He rocked her gently from side-to-side, cautious that she still hadn’t been given the all-clear.

She soon settled and the paramedic, Jody, who Dean had worked with on a few occasions, made a quip about him being the baby whisperer. Dean just chuckled and looked down at the now sleeping baby and felt himself reconsider his stance on having children of his own.

Upon reaching the hospital, Dean was met by a police officer and some lady who worked for children’s services.

It turned out that the little girl’s parents didn’t have any relatives that were capable of taking her into their care. She was going to be fostered with the intention of being adopted.

Dean’s heart broke for her. He knew what it was like to have a disrupted childhood and he wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

He reluctantly handed her over to the children’s services lady, his finger feeling cold without the warm, tiny touch of the baby’s hand wrapped around it.

That night, Dean recounted the events of the day to Castiel as they lay in bed together. Into the curve of Castiel’s neck, he whispered the thoughts that had been plaguing him since he’d left the hospital. The admittedly absurd idea, hope, that Dean could keep her himself. Dean couldn’t even look his new husband in the eye, knowing how stupid the idea was.

But, as always, Castiel had been the voice of logic and reason and he’d replied in an equally soft whisper that it wasn’t stupid or absurd and you never know if you don’t try.

And so, it began. The long, almost painful, process of bringing her home with them. It had taken a little while for anyone to actually them seriously but soon they knew that Dean would give anything to give the little girl, whose name turned out to be Emma – the most beautiful name Dean was sure he’d ever heard, the childhood and life she deserved. The one that he never got to have.

It was almost Emma’s first birthday by the time Dean carried her into their home for the first time as their daughter. Castiel immediately framing the adoption certificate and displaying it proudly on the mantel.

Fireworks brought Dean out of his wistful musings. Emma stirred a little in his arms and he realised what the fireworks meant; it was midnight! The new year had begun.

Realising there was something he forgot to do, Dean cradled Emma tightly to his chest and turned on his heel to dash away from the stairs and instead towards the kitchen.

Castiel looked up from the dishes he was putting away with a face filled with confusion.

“Dean? Is everything ok-“ Castiel was cut off by Dean’s lips on his.

“I almost missed our New Years’ kiss.” Dean explained as he pulled away.

Castiel let out a breath of laughter. “We’ve been together for six years; I think it’s okay not to have a New Years’ kiss every year.” He said, moving into Dean’s space, encasing Emma between them.

“Nope! Not happening. Sorry, Cas. You’re stuck with giving me a New Years’ kiss every year for the rest of our lives.” Dean laughed, leaning in to give his husband an over-exaggerated kiss on the cheek.

The movement jostled their sleeping daughter and she blinked awake, rubbing at her eyes. She made a disgruntled noise at being woken up from her otherwise perfect sleep.

“Oh, hello there, sleepyhead!” Castiel grinned down at her.

Emma frowned in response. “I didn’t fall asleep! I stayed awake the whole time!”

Dean chuckled, bouncing his pouting daughter in his arms, “Sure kiddo, whatever you say,” he grinned. “But awake or not, you’re definitely going to sleep now. Say goodnight to Daddy.”

“Night, night, Daddy,” Emma yawned as she waved at Castiel.

“Goodnight, Sweet Pea,” Castiel replied, leaning over to give her a kiss on the head again.

Before Castiel could get too far away, Dean swooped in to place another kiss on his lips.

“I’ll meet you in bed.” Dean winked over Emma’s head.

Castiel shook his head affectionately in response.

They both knew that in all reality they’d be asleep before their heads hit the pillow. Leaving the new year to creep in while they are curled up together.

And Dean wouldn’t have it any other way.

-

A/N: My first fic posted in nearly two months! Hope you enjoyed :)

Please REBLOG if you liked it.

If you enjoy my works and would like to be added to my tags list, let me know!

(If you want to be removed, send me a message)

-

TAGS: @manicpixiedreamcas @starrynightdeancas @credentiast @imbiowaresbitch @dreamnovak @cockleslovesdestiel @bend-me-shape-me @destielfactory @dea-stiel @wendeano @wingsandimpalas @aggressivedean @heller-jensen @chill-legilimens @ccstiel @caslikescoffeeandfreckles @assbuttboyfriends @breathingdestiel @simplymisha

@thekingslover @aelysianmuse @2musiclover2 @dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you @destielle @carryoncastiel @winchester-novak @angelwithashotguun @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @chaoticdean @jensenacklesruinedmylife @depressivedemonnightmaredean @good-things-do-happen-dean @irlydontknoanymore @little-greek5 @joana-the-banana @findingfantazja1627 @fevercas

@mishha @casbelieves @duckyboos-blog @rambleoncas @destiel4life @bisexualcrowley @fiercedean @cursed-or-not @aurastiel @castyel @joharvele

[calaofnoldor]

Dean, Don’t

Characters: Sam x F!Reader, Dean

Words: 1,906

Summary: You’re heavily pregnant and highly irritable. Luckily, Sam Winchester is the sweetest moose to ever moose.

Warnings: pregnancy (and all its related symptoms), ill-fated attempt at humor, disgustingly sweet fluff (seriously, you’re gonna need a tooth brush)

A/N: this might be my first ever attempt at this genre, so please don’t judge me too harshly :)

MASTERLIST

“Wow… geez, you look ready to-“

“Dean,” Sam shot his brother a warning glance as he guided you into the kitchen, a giant palm held gently against your aching lower back, “Don’t.”

Dean quickly raised his hands and the gesture, together with his wide eyes, seemed to say ‘I wasn’t gonna say anything!’, although you knew that was far from the truth. In fact, you knew exactly what he was thinking because you’d been thinking it too – every hour of every day. It was safe to say you really didn’t need any reminders of your current condition.

“Y/N’s already having a rough time with the twins keeping her up all night, and she’s been extra sore lately,” your moose came to your rescue as always. Sam had been doing that a lot recently, not only by shielding you from Dean’s crude comments (and consequently protecting Dean from your wrath as well), but also by comforting and distracting you from the woes of your third trimester.

“Well at least it’ll be over soon, right?” Dean tried again.

“Not soon enough,” you grumbled in reply, before attempting to stretch out your spine with an unfiltered groan of discomfort.

“Aaand, that’s my cue to leave!” Dean announced, grabbing his plate of bacon to go and sauntering off, though not before sending his little brother an exaggerated ‘good-luck-with-that’ expression.

Sam rolled his eyes despite feeling somewhat relieved by his brother’s departure, then turned back to you. “Come on, baby. Let’s get you off your feet.” He wore a sweet sympathetic smile; it was one he had been donning often as of late, but it only worsened your mood.

“Sam, I’m fine. I can’t be constantly sitting or lying down!” You barked irritably, but when you noticed the sad puppy dog look on your boyfriend’s face, your attitude instantly withered.

“Look, I’m sorry. I just hate this so much.” Your fingers began to massage your temples as your mouth continued to utter the words that took you beyond the point of no return, “I’m a hunter, you know? I’m supposed to be able to take down monsters with the swing of my machete! I used to be able to roundhouse kick those inhuman bastards when I wanted to, and now I can’t even put my own socks on!” That much was true. Sam had helped you with your socks earlier that morning.

“And sometimes you being so overprotective only makes me feel more useless,” you added with a defeated huff.

Sam waited patiently until he was certain your little tirade was over. “I know exactly what you’re capable of, Y/N; you never have to remind me. And I can guarantee that you will still be able to do all those things… after you’ve given birth to our beautiful babies, and your body recovers from this drastic change it’s endured.”

He moved closer to you and extended one hand to caress the side of your face, while the other splayed across your immensely swollen stomach. “But baby, right now, at 39 weeks pregnant with twins, you’re not supposed to be able to do all that. I wouldn’t want you to be doing all that,” he chuckled lightly with the afterthought as he pictured your heavily expectant form attempting one of your famous round house kicks.

You raised a brow at him, knowing how his mind worked, and he immediately sobered, “Y/N, my point is you don’t realize how incredibly strong you are already, even without all the pregnant kung fu fighting you seem to be so keen on.”

Although you were tempted to roll your eyes at his teasing, the boyish grin he cast you couldn’t be resisted, and the corners of your lips begrudgingly lifted. But a sudden lurch in your belly wiped the smile promptly from your features.

“Oh,” you breathed in a gasp, placing your hands upon the area of assault.

“What? What is it?” Sam questioned worriedly, as he too moved both his hands to your baby bump. His eyes flickered frantically between your face and stomach, trying to read the situation for himself.

“Nothing, just a really strong kick, I think,” was your reply after a pause. You looked up at him with what you hoped was a reassuring smile. He returned it with a certain tinge of apprehension, so you grabbed his hand and placed it where one of your wayward twins was moving erratically within you.

No matter how many times Sam felt it, he couldn’t help but beam with pride and elation at the thought of his children growing stronger each day, and the fact that you were the one fostering their development made him truly believe he was the luckiest man alive in that moment.

“Wow, I guess they’re really ready to come out, huh?”

“Maybe,” you mused, “Or maybe they’ll choose to torture me for another week. I’m not getting my hopes up.”

Still fondling your belly with one hand, Sam used his other to turn your face towards his. “I am really sorry that you’re hurting. I wish I could make it stop.” He said it with such sincerity, you were almost inclined to forgive him. Almost.

“I would say ‘it’s not your fault’, but it kinda is,” came your playful response, which happily earned you a loving kiss.

When his lips left yours, you continued, “Also, as if the fact that two of your swimmers managed to make it to my eggs wasn’t enough, did you really have to make both of them Winchester-sized too?” You motioned vaguely to the wide expanse of your front side.

Sam said nothing, but rewarded you with a hearty laugh and a second kiss.

Later that day, as you sat snuggled between Sam’s lengthy and outstretched limbs on the bed, the two of you absent-mindedly watched an old classic movie play out on the television. His lips grazed your hairline every few minutes and his hands rubbed incessant circles on your extended stomach.

“How do you know our babies will be beautiful?” You questioned Sam abruptly, your eyes never leaving the screen.

His chest rumbled with a deep chortle that resonated through your back and caused you to smile in turn. “Well, they’ve got you for a mother, don’t they?”

“Psh! You forgot to mention that they’ve also got a father who looks like he was sculpted by the Greek gods! But that’s not the point; genetics is based on chance.” You craned your neck to look him in the eyes.

“Fine. I just have a feeling then, OK?” Sam shut you up with a quick kiss to the lips and you of course assented.

“Do you still think they’re going to be girls?”

“I hope so,” he replied with a pensive smile.

You studied his elegant features for a minute before feeling a smirk form on your own face. “Well too bad, they’re both boys.”

“What? How do you know?” Sam’s brow furrowed in that way you always thought made him look unbelievably adorable, especially for a man of his stature.

“I just have a feeling, OK?” You quoted back at him. “They call it mother’s intuition.”

Sam’s grin returned and you couldn’t remember feeling better in the past month. Dean hadn’t disturbed you all day since the incident in the kitchen, and the support of Sam’s solid torso pressed against your back seemed to be alleviating some of the strain from your body.

But alas, nothing is ever what it seems when you’re living with the Winchesters. A sudden splash of fluid upon the sheets interrupted your scarce and apparently fleeting moment of peace.

It took you a moment to register the wetness between your legs, although Sam was already one step ahead of you. “DEAN!” he hollered towards the hall.

“Sam, I think my water just broke,” you told him in a slight trance.

“Yeah, I know, baby. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up and changed.” Sam’s voice was soothing and you began to follow his lead, slowly rising to your feet as he supported you from behind.

Just then, Dean came barreling in, brandishing his gun as his eyes searched frantically for any potential sources of peril. His green gaze turned befuddled upon finding no clear cause for distress.

“Dean, go get the Impala ready. Y/N’s in labor.” Sam’s voice held that composed and assertive edge which it often did when he took the lead on hunts. You would have found it awfully attractive under different circumstances.

As it were, a fresh contraction tore through you when you reached the dresser, and you were forced to bend over to weather the impact, your breathing becoming a little uneven. Sam’s arms were instantly around you, while the sight of your hunched and gravid form awoke Dean from his stupor.

He cleared his throat and his voice seemed a little gruffer than usual, “Uh, OK. Right. So… the bags? What do I need?”

“I’ll get the bags. Just get the damn car ready, Dean.”

Still the older Winchester stood transfixed in his spot, his eyes were somewhat unfocused. “Wow. So this is really happening…”

“Dean!”

“Yeah! On it! Got it! Uh… fight the fairies, Y/N! We got this.” And with that, he finally took off for the garage.

You couldn’t help but giggle to yourself, “He’s right, you know? This is really happening.”

Sam turned around and held your gaze with such reverence and fondness, you nearly melted right then. “I know,” he stated simply, before he crashed his lips to yours in a rushed yet zealous smooch.

“Ow! Yeah, OK, I think the twins are sick of our antics already,” you gushed through gritted teeth as another tightening of your middle took over.

Sam cupped your stomach gingerly on either side, as if he could somehow abate the pain with his touch. “Right, let’s hurry it up then. I think all that soreness you felt before and the twins’ heightened movement might’ve been a sign of early labor.”

“You’re such a nerd, you know that?”

He only responded with knowing smirk, then continued to help you get changed so he could usher you out the door.

Dean met you outside, where he stood by the shiny black car, looking a little more prepared for action than earlier. “You guys good?”

“Yeah, are you?” Sam asked, a bit dubiously.

“Hey, I’m ready to get this show on the road!”

“Am I gonna fit?” You eyed the Impala with slight apprehension. You had always been a fan of the classic car before, but now that Sam had fertilized you so thoroughly, the backseat seemed a lot more daunting.

“Of course, my girl can handle anything. She’ll get you to the hospital in no time so that you can have my nieces.”

“Nephews,” you corrected, but nodded anyway and allowed Sam to help you inside the vehicle.

The boys stood outside for a moment longer. “You alright, Sammy?”

Sam was glowing and Dean couldn’t have repressed the surge of love and pride that rose within him if he tried, despite his ‘no chick flick moments’ rule.

“Yeah, I’ve never been better, Dean.”

“Speak for yourself, asshole!” You would later blame the contraction for your foul language, but it was your shouting through the window that ultimately got you on the road.

“Yeah alright, we’re going! Just don’t be having any babies in my Baby!”

“Dean,” Sam’s bitch face revealed itself once more, “Don’t.”

→ CARRY ON

A/N #2: thank you so much for reading! btw, if any of you sam girls wanna show off your love for the giant adorkable moose man, there’s a ‘sammy the moose’ print now available at lexicolor.redbubble.com!

also available in various styles, as well as on mugs, notebooks, phone cases, and a bunch of other stuff! and if you’re more of a dean girl, i got you covered too 😉❤️

[tanoraqui]

okay I have to do this today because even I wouldn’t do it after the godforsaken finale airs, and it’s basically my specialty and I did spend like an hour thinking about it last night while washing dishes. Definitely partly inspired by @words-writ-in-starlight​‘s insightful post on everything Supernatural did wrong, and apologies in advance to all the characters for dragging them into anything related to Christian mythology:

Wei Wuxian’s parents die in a house fire when he’s 6(? I refuse to look anything up) months old

Jiangs are a hunter family I guess? That whole disaster of a family dynamic, except WWX dips out at some point to be idk an environmental activist bc at the time, that seems like the larger threat to the whole world. “Mom and Dad went on a hunting trip and they haven’t come back”, “bitch” “jerk”, 2 brothers in a beat-up old car, you know the drill

Jins are also an old hunting family, but more Men of Letters energy - they have a fancy bunker and do research and avoid getting their actual hands dirty. Jiang Yanli ducked out of the active hunting life a few years ago to be happily married to her peacock and settled down with a baby and she’s fine. We’re not going to bother Yanli. She’s safe and happy and doesn’t need to involved in any of this

so, WWX is the demon blood child developing exciting new abilities like telekinesis, mind control, exorcising demons by sheer force of will...etc, and Jiang Cheng is the Righteous Man. Lucifer, Michael, etc.

s1-3 probably proceeds more or less as spn canon...which I more or less remember...by the time they find their parents at the end of s1, Jiang Fengmian is...ugh, we probably shouldn’t kill him offscreen, I mean, we should probably meet him before he dies. I guess. Madam Yu lasts longer because I’m way more interested in her. But we do know that both Jiang parents are totally inclined to fling the boys into a metaphorical or literal escape boat and go hold the line for as long as possible, so...that’s spn energy...

Xue Yang is the one who’s like “fuck yeah, demon powers” and opens the gates of Hell, because I want him to have nice* things

*nice for Xue Yang

from characterization rather than memory, I’m 90% sure that Dean tried to hide his crossroads deal from Sam, but Jiang Cheng does it...better. I think it does come out, though. Right before the hellhounds do.

here’s where it starts to go farther off from spn canon. Jiang Cheng crawls his way out of the grave, gets stalked by a menacing presence that explodes windows for an episode, incidentally can’t find WWX...*Lan Wangji voice* “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition” (a baller line then and a baller line now)...and then the next episode starts with them all awkwardly standing around, and JC is like, “ok well let’s go find my brother then”, and you think there’s going to be an mdzs-riffing JC+LWJ Roadtrip To Find WWX...and they’re immediately attacked by like a dozen demons

in fact, the first time we see WWX in s4 is here, wherein he goes toe to toe with an angel and...holds his own. that’s new and terrifying! also is leading a squad of demons??

because here’s the thing: for the last 3(?) months, there’s been war in hell

because unlike Some People Mooses, upon finding out that his brother’s soul was legally nearly-owned by a crossroads demon, heir-apparent-to-Satan!WWX went, “actually fuck that” and kicked open the door of Hell (metaphorically, not loosing any demons this time) and was like, “who do I have to beat the shit out of to get a specific crossroads contract around here”

this did not work, obv. He didn’t know until it was too late, Lilith had already snapped up the contract, etc. etc.

obviously he also tried to offer himself instead, and got rejected for some reason

Since Jiang Cheng died, however, there’s been a war for control of Hell. Leading one side, Lilith, the Original Babe, who wants to break all 666(?) seals keeping Lucifer bound and in the meantime, break the Righteous Man so Heaven won’t even have Michael’s destined host ready for the Final Battle. Leading the other side, Wei Wuxian, infamous upstart, who wants to rescue the Righteous Man and restore him to life, tear Lilith’s guts out through her nose, and also stop her from doing the Lucifer thing because Wen Qing explained that yes, that’s a Thing, and it’s Bad.

Wen Qing! I’ve decided to combine Bela and Ruby’s roles and let WQ be both the cool badass example of how demon deals can go Bad and the demon deliberately leading our heroes astray for most of s3-4. Wen Qing is a very new demon; she used to be some sort of herbalist/witch but then she sold her soul in a crossroads deal to cure her brother of some lingering illness. 10 years of happiness and then boom, hellhounds. WQ is so obviously competent, though, that they (Lilith, I guess?) immediately offers her a job, with the promise threat that gee, that’s a nice brother you’ve got there, even with his Designated Chronic Health Condition getting all relapse-y. It’d be such a shame if something were to...happen to him...

we find this out at some point in last s3 I guess? some Monster of the Week case involves WN as a witness or something, or possible next victim, and WQ shows up to be A Normal Amount Of Invested In This, while desperately trying to avoid actually interacting with her brother (who thinks she’s dead). YES, the truth comes out; YES there’s a tearful reunion

now in s4, Wen Ning is fine actually, health-wise, bc he maybe made a crossroads deal with Wei Wuxian personally, and Wen Qing may or may not have admitted that she’s supposed to be working for Lilith to get WWX ready to host Lucifer? Or potentially that comes out later, idk. Either way, she’s 100% his top lieutenant in this exciting Hell War they’re waging

[insert whatever the hell (ha) happened plot-wise in s4 of supernatural]

we obviously mix up the relationships, too, bc it’s like, *LWJ internal monologue* I’m too young to remember my brother Lucifer as he was before he Fell, but surely Wei Wuxian is his Heir and Destined Vessel in truth, for he is Charismatic and Charming and Makes Me Feel Things, with his Clearly Feigned Righteous Drive and Compassion for All God’s Creatures and - why does heat keep pooling in the lower abdomen of my vessel when I look at his lips, which I am definitely doing a Normal and Not-Weird Amount - I’m just keeping an eye out for the famed Silver Tongue, and not in any way wondering how it would feel in my own mouth -

it’s actually DEFINITELY plausible for Lucifer to still be released even if our designated Heir Apparent is using his demon powers to his full potential and no one’s lying to each other about their motives. You just need to let Lilith be more scary too, and especially bc by “no one” I mostly mean Wen Qing; the angels are still totally hiding the fact that they, too, want to jumpstart the shit out of this apocalypse.  LWJ decides at the last minute that that’s a bad idea actually, gets himself discorporated to send JC to intercept WWX because he accidentally releases Lucifer, etc. etc. Oh yeah, the boys were def fighting before this, bc JC has actually fairly reasonable concerns about the sort of things WWX is getting up to in his quest to become King of Hell...

SO

...I neither know nor care what happens in s5

it does end with both Lucifer and Michael locked in the cage probably, bc I rather liked that solution. Fuck both of ��em, basically.

I was toying with the idea that WWX also found Madam Yu in whatever hellish torment she was suffering after making a deal so her idiot son(s) would survive, and she was leading forces for him in the war against Lilith as well. If she came back to life somehow, body and all, it’d probably be compelling if she offered her own body to Michael - bc it’s her lineage! - and we’re all led to believe that she’s, uh, being a bitch and actually wants to risk destroying the world in order to destroy all demons...but then she seizes back control and flings herself/Michael and Lucifer into the Pit, because she’s just That Hardcore?

which means we’d actually have had her around and having characterization for most of s4-5, too, which would be fun

More importantly, it ends with newly crowned King of Hell Wei Wuxian appointing Wen Qing as Queen-Regent and ditching to go on an indefinite honeymoon with his new angel boyfriend (they’re going to fuck for like three weeks straight, then roll up their sleeves and go conquer Heaven in the name of free will), and Jiang Cheng gets to live out his hitherto-unknown-to-himself life’s ambition to be the sugar baby of the Queen of Hell. It’s very Hades/Persephone, except he goes back down to the underworld at least once a month. He gets his own demon squad whom he trains up in all the hunting techniques and it’s gr9. Wen Qing is reforming the crossroads deal process to make it more fair to the humans.

the end

Addenda:

it should go without saying but Jiang Yanli is definitely a recurring character, like, at least once a season there’s a filler episode where they go to Jiang Yanli’s for dinner and have to get along as a family, and also do the much easier job of defeating some sort of terrible demon that gets loose in the bunker and turns the evening into a horror movie. She’s their main research/emotional check-in person, a la Bobby, more often appearing in later seasons when there’s, uhhh, more to emotionally check in about.

Jin Zixuan is actually a perfectly competent hunter; he’s just a priss and we don’t Like him

we like Mianmian, though. Oh, I guess the official Hunter’s Guild or w/e tries to declare WWX a public enemy on account of the whole “King of Hell” thing and she’s like “actually what if you’re morons and assholes?” and joins hte team in s4 or 5? Yeah.

idk how the 3zun disaster happens in this ‘verse but I do encourage it to be happening in slow motion as a recurring subplot for several seasons. NMJ is a hunter, LXC is obv an angel, and JGY is...I wanna say one of the more human monsters, like a vampire? Or, you know, something that could be born from JGS sleeping with someone/something he shouldn’t have

[lavenderslemonade]

Playing Animal Crossing While in Quarantine HC

Requests: Open!

Warnings: Pure fluff

Midoriya, Bakugou, Todoroki, Kirishima, Tamaki and Aizawa: Playing Animal Crossing With Their S/O While in Quarantine

I’ve been obsessed with animal crossing these past few days! If you want to visit my island some time or just chill, DM me and I’ll send you my switch friend code!

Also, if there’s another My Hero Academia peep you want me to do that isn’t on this list, leave me a message in my inbox and I’ll do them next! Also, please feel free to leave a comment!

Midoriya

- The two of you had the game pre-ordered and once you got it the two of you became hooked. You refuse to let Midoriya onto your island till you have everything set up how you want. However, Midoriya lets you visit his island frequently. He has a little park area on his island, a little picnic area where the two of you can have little dates since he can’t take you out on real ones.

- He won’t let you in his house. You don’t know why, but he won’t. Before you can get near it you see where he’s dug holes or blocked the entrance off with large items so you can’t get through. “Midoriya, I wanna see your house.” You state one day over the phone as you keep hitting the large fish tank he’s put in front of the door with your net.

- You finally get in one day when he accidentally takes the fish tank away when he hit the wrong button, and you just bolt inside. You hear him freaking out on the other end of the phone begging you to please not look at his house. However, it’s too late. It’s...actually not that bad. He has normal rooms much to your surprise.

- Midoriya starts chasing you around his house as you scope out what he’s done with the place. Bathroom, Kitchen, Bedroom, Living room, it’s all pretty normal. Then you get to the basement. You knew it was too good to be true. His basement is nothing but All Might. Midoriyas avatar is behind you sweating and freaking out. However, you reassure him that it’s okay, you’ve seen worse. No really, you went to Minetas island to be nice, and like I said, you’ve seen worse on that island.

- If there’s something in the Nook shop that he thinks you’d like he’ll buy it for you and surprise you with it the next time you come over. If there’s a fossil you can’t find, or one or two bugs you need for Blathers then he’ll try his hardest to find them on different islands and give them to you. If your anniversary or birthday was coming up and couldn’t spend it together during quarantine, he’ll try to come up with a surprise for you.

- You leave your switch for a few minutes to open a few gifts that your relatives had sent you through the mail, and get a piece of cake that your parent(s) got for you. You keep your switch on so Midoriya can run around your island and do as he pleases. While you’re away he begins planting flowers all around your house that he’s collected. Has a little picnic set and places it in the middle of the flowers. Luckily the flowers start to attract butterflys and different insects.

- When you come back your heart is warm from the display, and the two of you spend several hours just talking and doing little things together like collecting the bugs the flowers brought in or fishing.

Bakugou

- He has a switch, but he didn’t buy the game when it first came out. Why would he? It was too cute looking for his taste and he remembers some of the girls playing that stupid background music to help them concentrate while they studied back at UA. It drove him up a damn wall then, so why would he put himself through that torture now?

- It wasn’t till he became annoyed with you that he decided to get the game. You were one of the people that had the game pre-ordered and ever since you got it, plus went under quarantine, you’ve hardly paid Bakugou a lick of attention. He was on the phone with you trying to have a conversation, but whenever it was your turn to talk or answer a question your line was just dead. He’d call out your name snapping you out of your trance, and apologize to him due to you trying to catch a butterfly.

- It was okay the first few times it happened, but then it became annoying. How your line would be quiet then randomly “If I can’t one more fucking sea bass!” blares from your end causing Bakugou to nearly drop his phone in surprise. “Are you still playing that stupid fucking game!” He’d growl into his phone. Goes onto Amazon once the two of you get off the phone and order the game. He won’t pick up whenever you try to call him, which honestly makes you feel pretty guilty.

- However, your guilt flies out the door when you see the banner come across your screen stating a visitor was arriving. You rush to the docks to see who it is and you’re surprised to see a mini Bakugou avatar walk out of the little airport. Quickly, you grab your phone and call him. You had hit the joy emote as you waited for him to pick up, and as soon as he did you couldn’t help but squeal in excitement. “I can’t believe you got the game!” You’d state excitedly as you watch your screen.

- Then an ax appeared in his hand, making the color drain from your face. “Please don’t...” You whimper. Honestly you expected him to chop down all your tree’s, however he simply chased you for about five minutes. Once he’s cooled down he listens to you gush about all the little dates the two of you can go on, giving him a tour of your island, and even showing off the big fish you’ve caught. He’s a little irked because he’s just started the game and hasn’t caught fish as big as yours yet.

- He complains about his hate for Tom Nook. You watched as he tries to hit Toms tent with an ax to no luck. He goes around your island and shakes all the fruit out of your trees much to your displeasure though he drops his own fruit from his island in front of you stating he wants you to plant them.

- Bakugou has a shirt that looks like his hero outfit that he wears most of the time. If he’s not wearing that shirt then he has a regular black shirt with a skull on it. The Bakusquad usually visits each others island, though they don’t visit Denki’s as much since it’s about just as bad as Minetas. It’s not perverted like Minetas, but it’s not really put together well and he wears the dress that looks like it’s a bikini...

- Bakugou is known to uproot Mina’s flowers when she’s not looking to give to you later, and easily gets irritated if one of the bakusquad catches a fish he was trying to get.

- He tried to name his island Hell, but that’s not allowed. So he followed Jacksepticeyes example and named it Hel

- He has a large bed in his house so that whenever you come over you can crawl in with him and pretend that the two of you are cuddling. He has Moose on his island AND HE WANTS HIM GONE!

Todoroki

- He didn’t pre-order the game before it came out, in fact he didn’t even own a switch. He’s never really been that interested in video games, and has mostly been spending his free time reading and spending time with his siblings. You keep sending him images of fish you’ve caught, the small garden you’ve set up beside your house, and when you spotted a Wisp across the water. He could tell you were having a lot of fun, and was surprised to find out that Midoriya and the rest of Class 1-A was playing the game.

- Thus, he ordered a switch and the game so he could play with everyone. He sends a picture of his avatar once he’s gotten everything set up. Though, you’re not surprised that his character has white hair instead of red. You call him and answer any questions he has, helping him learn the ropes of the game. once he’s got a good bit of things done, and Timmy and Tommys shop has been set up, you allow him to visit your island. However, he won’t let you visit his yet.

- The two of you mostly goof around collecting bugs and fish. When the sun sets you have a bench near the edge of the water that the two of you sit on together. Todoroki starts a garden on your island just for you. Yeah, you have one that you started, but he wanted to start one where it’s just flowers he’s brought you. If he’s visiting a fellow classmates island and sees a flower he thinks you’d like or would look good in the garden, he’ll take a few thousand bells and drop it at the island owners feet before typing “I want the flower.”

- They’re not complaining because they got a dept to pay. Will go straight to your island and plant the flower.

- He has Marshal AND Raymond on his island, and honestly you feel a bit jealous. He’s converted pictures of you and the two of you together from his phone to the nintendo app so he can hang up pictures of y’all in his house. His house is honestly pretty simple, just like his dorm room. He even has a bamboo noodle slide beside his house. Actually a good chunk of his island has bamboo on it now, which doesn’t surprise you.

- The two of you actually dress up your characters to go on mini dates together. It grosses Bakugou out. “Why the fuck are y’all dressed like you’re about to go someplace fancy?!” Bakugou would type out while hitting Todoroki with a net much to his annoyance. When he’s bored Todoroki would make little outfits for you and send you the QR code. You mostly wear only what Todoroki makes now.

- He insist’s on helping you pay off your debt to Tom Nook, but you won’t let him.

Kirishima

- Like Midoriya he and you both pre-ordered the game. Surprisingly he’s played the past Animal Crossings as well. Before quarantine the two of you would actually listen to soothing animal crossing music when you study or were taking a nap. Your island is more developed than his since he doesn’t want to do the time jump cheat.

- The first room he has added onto his house is turned into a gym. He gets along so well with Tank, and usually can see his character running with Tank. Sucks at designing clothes so you designed him a Red Riot costume and emailed him the QR code. He lets you design different outfits for him and will put on little fashion shows for you. The two of you usually visit Sero and Minas island together, and sometimes Bakugou when he’s on (which is rare), and Denki’s.

- Everyone clicked the surprise emote when Denki appeared in the bikini dress. The two of you will go on fishing dates together, and if he catches a cute insect or a hard to catch fish, he’ll give it to you. One of the only things he’ll try is trying to grow a money tree, which surprisingly works.

- You logged on one day for one of your dates and he stated he had a gift for you. He’d hop off the bench y’all were sitting on and give you a huge stuffed bear from the Nook store. After that he’d take you to the town square where some of his villagers were singing Bubblegum KK.

- Has a large bed so the two of you can ‘snuggle’. His house is pretty ordinary, he keeps all his workout stuff in the back room. He’s the type that uses half his island to store the fish he’s collected to he an turn them in all at once. He’ll spend two-three days collecting fish nonstop, and then selling them to Timmy and Tommy. He see’s it as just a bit of revenge for the insane dept Tom Nook has put everyone in.

- He surprisingly pays close attention to the decor of your home. If there’s something he thinks you’ll like, he’ll build it and then change it’s color so it can fit with your homes aesthetic. Both of you download the nintendo switch app and convert photos of yourselves to put in your homes. He wants to go visit Tamaki, but you try to convince him not to since you know he’ll probably cause the older boy to have an anxiety attack with how hyper he is on the game.

- The two of you decided to be nice and visit Mineta’s island a.k.a “Hentai Island”. As soon at the two of you read the title you knew you were in trouble. His avatar frequently wears a shirt that has abs on it, and somehow it’s more disturbing than Denki’s Bikini dress. He tries to flirt with you in the game “Do I look manly enough for you now (y/n)?” you can basically hear him salivating from the other side of the screen.

- After that you and Kirishima vow never to go back. He’s not allowed on either of your islands either. Kirishima allowed him over once and he just kept staring at one of the pixel images of you Kirishima has on his wall. Luckily, while he was over Kirishima accidentally shook some wasps from a tree, and while he was running away they attacked Mineta.

Tamaki

- Both of you were too busy to pre-order the game, but Fatgum knew how much both you and Tamaki enjoyed Animal Crossing. He had actually caught the two of you playing on your break on your 3DS’s. He knew that some much was going on in your lives due to it being your final school year, plus the ordeal with saving Eri. Thus, he pre-ordered two of the games as a surprise for the two of you.

- However, due to not knowing when you’d get quarantined, once the games arrived he personally mailed them out to the both of you along with a little letter. When the two of you got your copies, you were surprised and ecstatic. Both of you sent a thank you text to Fatgum and began playing right away. Both of you spent a few days to yourselves, wanting to get your island organized and to surprise each other. You tried catching all the butterflies you could to give to Blathers and make the museum’s butterfly garden as nice as it could be!

- Neither you or Tamaki time jump since you want to experience the full calming effect of Animal Crossing. Tamaki honestly feels a bit intimidated by  Bam, but he loves Fuchsia. When the two of you finally visit he each other, you insist on going to his island first. He has flowers all around Fuchsia’s home and you could see a few buds sprouting around the new homes that were being built, his way of welcoming his new villagers.

- He’s made a large garden for you at the top of his island, where none of the villagers can really disturb the two of you. Because there’s nothing more awkward than Tamaki spending time with his S/O in a romantic setting and then trying to take them to the secret spot he set up just for Dom to be sitting on the bench meant for the two of you. He doesn’t want to be mean to the villager, however, watches from the side as you pull out your net and start thwacking Dom with it till he moves.

- Tamaki watched Dom leave, before joining you on the bench, and deciding to send the sheep some flowers as an apology for making him move. But like, it was a mini date for the two of you and he really wanted to watch the meteor shower with you from that said spot. And the end of the night you give him the outdoor picnic set you needed cherry blossom petals to make.

- On your island you tried your best to collect as many butterflies as you could along with a few other insects and koi for aesthetics to surprise Tamaki with. He’s honestly shocked with home many butterflies you had caught. With the time frame of some of them it means you’ve probably been up early in the morning to late at night trying to catch specific ones. Blathers probably has nightmares now about butterflies.

- Both of you aren’t really big fans of Tom Nook, but Tamaki loves Isabelle, Timmy and Tommy. Whenever Mirio and Nejire visit, it’s chaotic. The two of you will be chilling in the town square watching Marina sing into the mic that Tamaki set up for her, meanwhile Mirio and Nejire are chasing each other with nets and beating each other over the head. Mirio accidentally plucked one of Tamaki’s flower hybrids and Tamaki quickly clicked the distressed emote.

- Tamaki takes very good care of his plant life, literally going around and watering them everyday. So you were able to replicate the hybrid and planted it in the spot where Mirio had accidentally plucked the other one.

Aizawa

- Due to your busy schedules, Aizawa has a switch lite that he plays on when he’s taking breaks at school or when he’s just resting at home. Meanwhile you have a full on switch. Both of you pre-ordered the game and play it side by side at home. Aizawa is pretty resourceful with his materials, keeping things in his storage as to not waste room and going out to collect more stuff.

- His first two villagers were Rudy and Pashmina. You watched as his eye lit up at Rudy, knowing your boyfriend was crazy for cats. He tries to follow things step by step, collecting items to sell and pay off Tom Nook and steadily becoming frustrated with the more dept the damn raccoon put him in. Meanwhile, you’re using the time jump cheat to get things done quicker and make your island look like legit paradise.

- You’ve went to his island to find him catching fish and trying to give it to Rudy. He doesn’t really use emotes. A good bit of the time you see that he’s online, thus when you go to visit his island you’re surprised to see he’s not greeting you at the docks. You go to his house and you’re not surprised to find his avatar asleep on the bed. You go to the living room to see your boyfriend passed out on the couch, his switch resting against his chest as he snoozes away.

- You frequently bop him in the head with your net when you want attention, because he’s usually focused on completing tasks for Tom Nook and selling items to Timmy and Tommy. You finally stop when he pulls out an ax and just stares at you. You peek up from your switch in your chair in the living room and just see Aizawa glaring at you from the couch. “...I love you.” You’d state with the most innocent look you can muster.

- Barold moves onto Aizawa’s island and AIZAWA WANTS HIM GONE. You’d noticed online how the character had been getting a fair amount of disapproval, but it couldn’t be that bad. Well, Aizawa led you to Barolds house and you were amazed to see the surveillance stuff he has up, and you agree with Aizawa. Boi gotta go.  

- You decide to mess with him one day so you send all his students his switch friendship code, and Momo helps you design the schools uniform for the students. Some even make their hero costumes. When he gets on one evening he’s horrified to see all his students sitting in classroom chairs in the center of his island. Some of the villagers are passing by trying to talk to them, and you’re chilling on a bench. You walk over to your boyfriend and pull out a party popper and spray confetti over him yelling “Surprise! They wouldn’t pay attention on Zoom, so I thought they’d pay attention on here!”

- He just stares you down from his side of the bed. You refuse to look up from your switch to meet his irritated gaze.

- You’re not allowed on his island for a week.

[pterodactylterrace]

Guys Like You Chapter 6

Title: Guys Like You

Chapter: 6

Chapter Summary: More of a filler chapter, not much Henry, I’m sorry.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, pregnancy, poor self image, bad coping mechanisms, low self esteem.

{Prologue} {Chapter 1} {Chapter 2} {Chapter 3} {Chapter 4} {Chapter 5}

"I already told you, Faye! I don't want anything to do with this!"

"So because I want to keep my babies, you're leaving me? Is that what you're trying to tell me, David?"

"Yes! Shit, I knew you were dumb, but seriously!"

"Excuse me?"

"Are you deaf too, whore? How do you even know I'm the one that knocked you up? You've slept with just about every guy in town!"

"Get the fuck out."

"Don't come crying to me later! You're nothing without me! No one is ever going to want you. Especially once you have kids. Who the hell wants used goods? Have fun living a life of regret!"

Faye jerked awake, her head spinning as she tried to catch her bearings. Did David really leave her just like that? Sure he wasn't the greatest, but he had never lashed out like that before. At least not where anyone else could witness it.

No. David's gone. He has been gone for almost four years now. New life. Starting over. It's all in the past now.

Have to get the baby up before the sitter comes. Work is coming up soon. Life goes on.

"Briar, what are you doing on the floor?" Faye chuckled, crouching down next to her daughter, curled up on her pillow by her bed.

"I'm a puppy." Briar yawned in explanation, holding her arms up to be lifted, promptly licking her mother's cheek as soon as she was up.

"Briar, we talked about licking people."

"I'm not Briar, I'm puppy."

"Ok then, puppy, no licking people. Now what do you want for breakfast?"

"Puppy food."

"Cereal it is."

Feed the toddler, quick shower, get dressed, throw her hair up away from her face, wait for the baby sitter, hugs and kisses goodbye, then off to work. The usual routine she had settled herself into.

Feed the baby, because she's hungry and she comes first.

Shower, because she probably has some sort of mystery goo on her from the toddler.

Get dressed, avoid the mirror.  No one wants to be reminded of how much they've changed. The softness she wasn't used to around her lower stomach, hips and thighs. Her breasts no longer as perky as they used to be. The stretchmarks competing with her tattoo's for attention.

Then, the hardest part of the day. "Ok, Briar, Mrs. Anderson is here. Mommy has to go to work. I love you."

"I love you too, Mommy." Briar responded, hugging her mother tight and kissing her cheek before she was sat back down.

"Have a nice day, Miss Warren."

"I hope she's not too much to handle."

"Never is."

Some days, Faye likes to pretend she's ok. Like she has a handle on things. Like she knows what she's doing and not just blindly stumbling through her life while trying to do right by her daughter.

Other days, she would absently push her sleeves up and her eye would catch on the black lines decorating her forearm, just below her elbow. Some days she's reminded that life is a bitch, and you can't always get what you want. On those days she tried to stay out of her own head, though that rarely worked.

She could slap on a smile with the best of them, but she could never force it to reach her eyes. Her face always remained an open book, free for anyone to read. The past creeps up on you. There's nothing you can do to stop it some days. On a bad day, the ghosts of the past will haunt your mind, echoing the worst days of your life into the void of your shattered heart.

"No one is ever going to want you!"

"You're nothing without me!"

"Who wants used goods?"

"I'm sorry, Miss Warren. There was nothing we could do."

Over and over on a seemingly never ending loop, reminding her of the darkest times in her life.

Why would anyone want her? She's not the same hot twenty six year old she used to be. She was soft. She was saggy. She would never be as attractive as she used to be. Anyone in their right mind would turn around and run once they realized how much she had let herself go.

Days like today were best spent keeping people at a distance. Tell them some story about being tired. Avoid anyone that is going to call her out on her obvious lie. Therein lies the problem with dying your hair obnoxious colors. Among a sea of blonde and brunette, powder blue tends to stick out and make it almost impossible to vanish.

Lie your way out of it. Survive another day. Tomorrow might not be better, but at least it won't be the same.

"Mommy, you're back!" The sweetest sound she could hear all day.

"I always come back, my little love." Faye assured, kissing her daughter's head.

Need to care for the baby. She comes first. She deserves the world. Play time. Dinner time. Bath time. Story time. Bed time. The same after work routine she had established months ago when she decided to drop everything and run.

Her daughter thought the world of her. She would do anything to see her smile. She would wear the stupid costume. She would pretend to be a horsey. She would let her daughter use her as a jungle gym. She would make the same dinner again for the third night in a row for her.  So what if she soaked the bathroom floor during bath time? She was a mermaid, and she wanted to show off her tail. Story time, always an adventure with her imaginative little girl. What world would they find themselves in today? Dinosaurs? Princesses? Mythology? A rhyming book?

Ah, yes of course. Her current favorite, the book about the dinosaur cleaning his room. She was a girl obsessed with dinosaurs at the moment.

"Mommy, where's my Papa?" Briar asked, staring intently down at the page depicting a mother and father watching the dinosaur throw away paper scraps.

"Don't worry about him, sweetheart. He wasn't a nice man." Faye explained, resting her cheek on her daughter's head.

"Can I have a new Papa?"

"Maybe someday, sweetheart."

"Can Spider-man be my new Papa?"

"Why do you want Spider-man to be your new Papa?"

"He's my boyfriend!"

"That's not how it works, silly. If he's your boyfriend, he can't also be by boyfriend! Pick another hero!"

"Batman!"

"Well, he is rich." Faye mused, Briar giggling happily. "Now it's time for bed, my love."

"Ok, Mommy. I love you!"

"I love you too, Briar." Faye whispered, kissing her forehead. The nightlight was switched on and the door was left cracked open, just in case. Now for her seldom used free time.

Should she sketch some more? Finish that painting she started forever ago? Ever since she started a "real" job, her art had fallen by the wayside. She was too drained to do much after work and caring of her daughter.

Maybe some drawing will lift her spirits and keep the nightmares at bay tonight. But what to draw? Not in the mood for still life. Brain too fried for something straight from her imagination. Her usual model was sleeping, and her last few self portraits had been a serious blow to her ego. She just drew what she saw in the mirror. Then, when she was finished, she decided she should have worn more clothing before she drew herself. What was supposed to boost her confidence and empower her as a woman instead left her wondering when exactly she developed that roll when sitting in that position.

"Fuck it. I'm drawing a moose." Faye grumbled to herself, turning the page from her self portrait to a blank sheet. Half an hour later when she was trying to remember what a moose's antlers looked like, she finally picked up her phone. Seven unread messages? That seems like a lot. When was the last time she looked at her phone? Oh yeah, when she got home, five hours ago.

All from one person. So she wasn't ignoring everyone at least. Seven messages, all from Henry. Shit. That's not good.

Are you ok?

You seemed off on set today

You didn't even talk to me

Did you at least make it home alright?

Can you send me a sign of life?

I'm sorry if I upset you or something. Can you please talk to me? I'm genuinely worried.

Please?

Well, fuck. Here she was playing unicorn apocalypse with her daughter, and this poor guy was worrying himself to death.

Sorry, I was drawing a moose

Perfect way of saying "I wasn't ignoring you" while also avoiding his persistent questions about her wellbeing. The good old 'drawing a moose' excuse. Works every time.

I think your moose aged me by ten years. Are you ok?

Just had a bad day

Anything I can do to help?

Squeeze me until I stop struggling and my spine snaps

That's called 'murder' Miss Warren

I knew there was a name for it

Is there anything I can do for you that involves less prison?

Nah, if you're not going to take me out, then I'm not interested

I'm not going to take you out by murder. I will take you out on a date.

Faye froze, staring at her phone. He was just playing around, like he always did. No way he was serious. Henry liked to flirt, and she wasn't about to throw herself at him over a joke. She had more dignity than that. So how does she respond? She can't just ignore him, and taking forever to respond is going to give the impression that she was freaking out over what he said.

She was completely freaking out over what he had said, but he didn't need to know that. Was he just looking to get laid or something? Probably. He had gotten pretty close the last time he had been over. There's a difference between dating and screwing, though. He was probably just looking for someone to fuck while waiting for a woman worth his time to come along. Faye was broken out of her thoughts by her phone going off again, alerting her to a new message. Didn't he know she was busy having an existential crisis?

If you're free on Sunday you can come over and show me that moose your working on

*you're

Smart ass

Sunday?

I'll have to see if Mrs. Anderson can watch Briar

Bring her along. She keeps asking me about Kal

Pretty on brand for her

Sunday?

Sunday.

Sunday. What to wear on Sunday? He was probably looking for a little something something for his time, so something slutty? She got rid of all her slutty clothes after she had Briar in a fit of self hatred toward her new mom bod, so that was out. Besides, he wouldn't have invited Briar over too if he was looking to get laid.

So what does one wear on a casual 'date' these days? She had until Sunday to figure that out.

Tag List:  @Xxxkatxo @Weallhaveadestiny

[heartbreakgrill]

Omg can I have a part 2 to the Walmart thing about how their relationship develops from there? Pls I need it :(

a/n: there will be a part 3 because I wanna write about you performing on stage and also paris!! Send more requests for anything else, too! 💘

The weeks on tour seemed to pass much more quickly now that you were falling in love. With each day, a new butterfly would land on your stomach, flapping its painted wings with a giddy smile arising to your lips.

Having been friends with Calum prior to being “his girl,” you knew that he was affectionate in his relationships. You’d always admired how kind he was to any girl he ever dated: He’d hold open the door for them, be it to his car or the restaurant, showed them with gifts no matter the occassion, respectfully ask to kiss them no matter how long they’d been together, hold their waist or hand in public and to his chest in private.

However, none of his relationships had ever lasted past three months, and no one knew why. You knew it wasn’t him, no, how could the kindest boy with the softest smile and sweetest words be the cause for girls to cheat, yell, scream, and curse his name? He was never at fault.

It was always them.

Because what you also always noticed in his relationships was that they were one-sided. The girls wanted fame, eyelashes and lip injections to add to the collection. There was nothing wrong with prosthetics or makeup, but they used him to the point that he had stopped being so affectionate over the years.

They’d shrug off his hand in public, get argumentative when he’d ask for, “the third time today!” to kiss them, get chided for opening the door because she, “was perfectly capable of doing it myself, thank you very much.”

You had made it your mission to hold Calum’s heart in your hands as if you were holding the world by the strings of your fingers. Calum was an airplane, and you were the goddess in the sky, dangling him across oceans sheets and towers of gifts.

It was a month into your endeavors when you really got good at being affectionate with him. No one had failed to notice your relationship boom, but you weren’t trying to hide it. So, there was a tranquil balance for everyone.

It was the morning of their last day of European press before everyone got a week off in Paris. Then, you’d be flying back to the US to finish the tour, only to end up in Los Angeles. That would three months from now.

You were curled into Calum’s blankets, having moved from your bunk to his because it was unfairly larger. Your heating blanket was plugged into his wall, his roll of fabric abandoned in his drawer beneath you. You had been discussing with him for weeks that he should figure out how to make it into a proper blanket, but he said he didn’t feel like it because he was, “only good for playing the bass.”

Your boy, and his brothers, were inside an office building with press all day. The show would be shortly after. Crystal was outside with Moose, letting him run off much needed steam. Sierra was in the living room, watching a movie. You had plans for dinner, but that was still an hour and a half away.

You drug yourself out of bed, only slightly bored because you finished the books you had bought again. You pulled fresh clothes out of your suitcase, showered, changed, and plopped down beside Sierra on the couch.

“You smell really good,” she commented, turning down the television so you could hear one another.

“It’s a mixture of my perfume and Calum’s cologne because this is his hoodie,” you giggled lightly while your fingers pulled at the strings on his jacket.

Sierra tilted her head with a sweet smile, “You guys are so cute. I’m so glad you finally got together.”

You wriggled your shoulders happily, “Yeah...”

You sat back with her, chatting about Luke’s want to get his nails done and how attractive you thought Calum was when his nails were black all those years ago.

After a while, the movie ended and you agreed to get up to go to lunch. You grabbed your purse from Calum’s drawer when you noticed his roll of fabric. You had a good idea spring into a head and whipped around, the lightbulb above your head vanishing as you jogged out into the living room of the bus.

After telling your idea to Sierra, the two of you exited the bus and met the driver assigned for the boy’s in the near-end of the parking lot. You ate lunch at a local café before locating a fabric store down the street. You walked there, parusing the store fronts, but resisting the urge to buy too much.

You entered the fabric store and immediately approached the counter. Sierra started by the back corner, browsing through buttons and string. You were somewhere in Nothern Italy, and luckily, had went over a few phrases in the language in case you needed to use them. Because it was a small store, pretty much untouched by foreigners, you expected the cashier to not know English.

“Ciao! parlo inglese e ho bisogno di aiuto per creare una coperta da un rotolo di tessuto,” your eyes were flicked back in your head as if the words were written there, but you were able to recite them from memory.

“A blanket, tu dici?” The elder leader responded, grinning through her smile lines.

“Sì!”

After a few minutes of communicating through broke English and Italian, she was able to guide you to the proper sewing needle, string, and pattern for the blanket. She taught you an easy method to make the blanket.

After thanking her with a hug and a plenty of extra money tips, you and Sierra loaded up in the car and travelled back to the tour bus. For the rest of the day, you tucked yourself into the back room of the bus, random movies and show queued up on Netflix, a few snacks indulged in your system. You even missed the boys’ press day to finish the blanket, having Sierra tell them that you just felt a little sick.

Realistically, you were completing his blanket. Some of the seams were off, there were countless bloody pricks in your fingers, and you were sweating with frustration. But it was done by the time you heard the door of the tour bus open. You quickly shot up, shoved it in your own drawer, and closed yourself in the bathroom. With shaky hands from excitement and nerves, you bandaged two fingers on your left hand and three on your right. You washed the uncovered skin and dried your hands.

You heard a few voices move past the door, even heard Calum poking around in his and your bunk for, well, you. “Where is she?” Calum mumbled to Sierra, worry evident in his exhausted voice.

You popped out of the door, which led straight into the living room, and shuffled down the hallway. Sierra pointed behind his back with a soft smile before moving to the back room where everyone else probably was.

Calum spun on his heel, a grin growing on his face. “Hi, baby.”

You opened your arms for him, and he fell into your embrace, head shoveled into your neck and hands around your waist. You brushed the curls on his head, unbothered by the sweat laced through his hair. He hummed into your embrace, alight with adoration.

“Pardon me,” Ashton slyly passed by the two of you, breaking up your hug.

You pushed Ash away playfully, pulling a chuckle from his and Calum’s chests. “How was press?” You asked him, grabbing the tips of his fingers and leading him to the living room.

You sat beside him, legs tucked under you, knees practically in his lap. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, staring down at you with tired but smiley eyes. “Pretty decent. I felt all sad without you there, though.”

“Well, I guess Italy’s just not interested in me,” You pouted slightly.

“It’s okay, because I am,” he played with your fingers before he noticed the bandaids. “What happened? You okay?”

You noticed his eyes turn worried, pupils dilating wider. You shrugged, “Oh, fine. I’m fine. I was doing come arts and crafts. Oh! Actually. I made you something.”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise, “Wait, really? What?”

You got up from the couch to retrieve the blanket. It was wrapped up in the Walmart bag, so you dropped it in his lap and sat back down. Calum glanced around you suspiciously, “I know you’re talented at, like, a bunch of stuff. But, if you have that many bandages, I’m slightly concerned by what’s in here.”

You smacked his shoulder, “Just open it.”

He did so, but he was not at all disappointed. The widest grin took over his face when he pulled out the blanket. He set it beside him and wrapped you up in a huge so that you were nearly straddling his lap. He pressed a firm kiss to your cheek, gushing over and over how amazing it was.

“Oh, no big deal,” you laughed, leaning back to kiss him properly. “Just thought you could actually make use of it.”

“It’s awesome. Thank you so much,” he unraveled the blanket and draped it over both of you. “It’s so warm, too.”

“You’re also sweating, so that could just be it,” you laughed.

Calum scoffed and pushed you down into the couch. “Shut up!” He exclaimed, tickling your sides.

“Never,” you pushed back with your own fingers attacking his neck.

When you calmed down from your war, you decided to go to bed, with an early flight to Paris in the morning. It was just the beginning, but Calum already knew you were better than anything he could’ve ever imagined. He couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with you, let alone the next week in the most romantic city on Earth.

TAGLIST: @dinosaursandsocks @everydayimfangirling @truly-charmed @wallows-spring

[the-badger-mole]

Traditional Part 4

CW: Contains description of hunting 

The wind shifted after sunrise bringing with it a cold blast in from the arctic ocean. The biting chill made progress slow and arduous. Zuko was able to keep warm enough to function, but he was clearly the most miserable of the four men. Fortunately, the  cold was enough to make conversation a near impossibility, so Zuko only had to endure smug looks from Sokka instead of actual taunting. 

“Not much farther now!” Bato called over the wind. “These tracks are fresher!”  Zuko peered down at the tracks and noted that they did seem deeper and clearer than the tracks they’d seen the day before. He was glad. The sooner they found their prey, the sooner they’d be able to go back to the village. The sooner they’d be back to the relative warmth and shelter of Hakoda’s home. The sooner Zuko and Katara would be able to make their engagement official. The thought of Katara and of a warm bed preceded by a warm meal was more than enough to motivate Zuko to keep moving forward.

“This is it,” Sokka whispered at Zuko. “First one to spot the prey and get first blood wins!” The young Tribesman sounded excited, but Zuko found he couldn’t care less who won their bet. His prize for returning home with a fresh catch would be Katara’s hand, no matter whose spear pierced it first. Still...Zuko thought his new brother could stand a lesson in humility, so he kept his eyes peeled.

By midday, the tracks they had been following were joined by others. The sea moose they were following was likely a lone male looking to mate with some of the females of the nearby pod, Bato explained to Zuko. A few miles later, they heard the guttural barks of the large animals. Sokka shot Zuko a triumphant smirk before he started to charge up the icy hill. 

“Hey!” Zuko protested. He didn’t have time to do much else. Sokka had taken three steps before his foot slipped on a patch of ice, sending him skidding back downhill. Zuko let out a laugh before scrambling to the top of the hill. Hakoda and Bato made their way sedately up the hill behind him ,and Sokka, having righted himself crested last. Below them was an expanse of frozen beach dotted with dozens of sea moose. Zuko had never seen one up close, and the four men were still tens of yards away, but even at that distance, Zuko could see that they were all massive. His eyes fell on what seemed to be a brood of baby sea moose, and he guessed that the smallest among them would have been about the size of a well-fed twelve year old child. 

“Well, the jobs half-done,” Bato said, clapping Zuko and Sokka on their shoulders. “So, which one’s coming home with us?” Zuko and Sokka scanned the beach, and nearly simultaneously pointed out two different sea moose and cried, 

“That one!” 

“Are you kidding?” Sokka laughed. “That one is so small, it’d never feed the whole village! Clearly we have to pick the big one.”

“And how do we get it back?” Zuko demanded. “That thing is almost as big as Appa! And its tusks are as big as we are!”

“Fellas!” Hakoda’s voice boomed out over what was developing into a bickering match. “Neither of those will work. The little is too small to bring home. And that big one is the bull moose, and it’s mating season. We want to leave him alone.”

“Right,” Zuko nodded. “That makes sense. You want to make sure that there will be lots of moose born later.” 

“That and you don’t want to mess with a bull that size in heat,” Sokka snorted. He sighed and held his hands up in surrender. “Alright. Alright. I got a bit ahead of myself with that one.” Zuko huffed and scanned the beach again. He had been enjoying this trip, but he really wanted to go home. His gaze landed on a large sea moose near the edge of the colony. It was lumbering eagerly around the outskirts, nosing at cows randomly, and getting barked and snapped at for it’s troubles. Zuko guessed it was an interloper. It was about half the size of the large bull, but much larger than the moose that Zuko picked first. He raised a gloved hand and pointed it out to the others. 

“How about that one?” he asked. The others looked in the moose’s direction and considered it a moment. They exchanged grins and turned back to Zuko.

“Good choice!” Hakoda complimented him. “He’s trying to take over the harem, so either way, he was probably going to die today. Bulls don’t take too kindly to intruders. 

“I’d have picked him next,” Sokka assured the group. “But since this is for your engagement dinner, I’m glad you spotted him first.” 

“That point goes to Zuko,” Bato announced, grinning at the younger man. “That puts you ahead by two.” 

“That basically means I win, right?” Zuko asked, smirking at Sokka. 

“Hey, I could still win!” he insisted. “I could!” 

“We still have to catch and kill it,” Hakoda reminded them. “Let’s focus.” 

Hunting the sea moose was made easier by the fact that their prey had caught the notice of the giant bull moose. He hauled his bulky frame with surprising agility and speed at the intruder sending the smaller bull fleeing away from the harem and closer to the waiting hunters. 

“We’ll flush him,” Hakoda told Zuko and Sokka. “You two make the kill.” With that, they split into two teams. Hakoda and Bato circled around behind the moose as it pulled itself along the ice and hid among the snow banks. It was heading in the general direction of the sea, but it was taking the long way around the outside of the colony. When it was far enough separated from the rest of the moose, Hakoda and Bato leapt out of hiding, weapons drawn and bellowing warrior cried, and rushed in on the moose. With a startled yelp, the moose scrambled away from the men, falling right into the snare Sokka and Zuko had set. 

It had been caught off guard, but unfortunately, the beast had enough momentum to duck Zuko’s spear. He had just barely missed having his foot impaled on the sea moose’s tusk. The beast reared up to attack again, but Zuko rolled away.

“Keep it busy!” he heard Sokka shout. Zuko huffed in annoyance as he scrambled to his feet. Had he really been demoted to live bait? He reached out to grab his spear, but his hand only grasped an icy mix of snow and gravel. Where had his weapon gone? 

The sea moose let a loud, angry bark, and Zuko spotted his spear. It was on the ground in front of the sea moose, between it’s flippers and guarded by a pair of ivory tusks as long as Zuko’s arms and nearly twice as thick. Perfect.

From far away, Zuko could tell that the sea moose was big. But up close, it was massive! He was easily 15 feet long and bulging fat that concealed, Zuko knew, solid muscle beneath. Zuko was suddenly grateful they hadn’t tried for the head bull of the colony. This one was enough of a challenge. It lowered it’s head menacingly, and Zuko prepared to dive away again.

“You’re doing great buddy!” Sokka shouted. It didn’t distract the sea moose at all. 

“I dropped my spear!” Zuko said. 

“Great!” Sokka crowed. “That means first spear is mine!”  With a grunt Sokka hurled his spear at the sea moose, and for a moment Zuko thought he would miss, but the sea moose lifted it’s head to attack Zuko and spear sunk into it jugular cleanly. Sokka pumped his fist in victory, and then stepped away from the thrashing animal. Hakoda and Bato came in from behind the sea moose and stabbed the sea moose as close to it’s heart and lungs as they could get. 

“Zuko!” Hakoda tossed a cudgel to him, and Zuko managed to catch it with minimal fumbling. “Hit it as hard as you can over the head.” 

Zuko nodded once and turned his attention to the sea moose thrashing on the ground. It’s movements were erratic, but slowing as it bled out. Zuko considered the sea moose’s skull for a moment. It was thick bone, made to withstand fights with other heavy, tusked sea moose, but Zuko aimed carefully, and brought the cudgel down hard on it’s temple. The blow reverberated through Zuko’s shoulder and back painfully, but the bone crumbled under the cudgel and the sea moose went still.

For a moment, it seemed as if the entire world had gone silent, and the only sound to be heard was the heavy breathing of the four men as they stood over their kill. There was a slowly expanding puddle of blood. The still warm liquid steamed in the frigid air, and the coppery, briny smell of it hung over the hunting party. Bato broke the silence first, murmuring a prayer of thanks for a successful hunt. Then, with that ritual complete, the wind stirred again, and the distant barks and grunts of the rest of the sea moose colony brought them back to the present. 

“Alright!” Sokka cheered. “First spear! That’s gotta be worth at least ten points!”

“You get one point for each task,” Bato said. “But it was a close one. The groom to be won, though. Congratulations, Fire Lord Zuko.” Bato reached out and clasped Zuko’s arm with a wide and warm smile. “Welcome to the family.” 

Part 1, Part 2,   Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

[butzing-in]

🐢🦄⌛💩 hi sorry but I also love your Larry

     [ Fanmail? FOR ME?! || Meme: Send me symbols, get headcanons! ... That's a fair trade, I think! ]

     [ Oh sweet golly goodness I wrote a lot again. As before, the HCs are under the cut! ]

🐢 - Mental Health!

    「 Larry's got a few mental health disorders, most of which went over most people’s heads as it seemed to blend near-seamlessly in to his goofy, wacky antics. He’s got moderate ADHD  —  just enough that it makes focusing and remembering pretty difficult for him but not impossible. To others it manifests as him seeming lazy, unmotivated, or easy to discourage, but it’s really just his brain being indecisive and wanting to do way more than he is capable of at the time. As a result of this compounded with his constant failures in the dating scene, he’s slowly developed a Rejection Sensitivity Disorder as well, where he takes rejection harder than he lets on. It’ll hurt for a while longer than usual, especially now that he’s a bit older and still struggling to find “the one” who will stay with him. It’s a touchy subject for him! 」

🦄- Physical Health!

   「 For all the antics he gets up to, Larry is surprisingly healthy! Though due to an incident when he was a teenager, he managed to injure one of his legs pulling a really stupid stunt and it resulted in a part of his left thigh going numb. He can still use his leg perfectly fine, but he wont feel anything if that area is touched or hit. It’s lead to a lot of weird situations, some of which he’s a bit embarrassed about and others that left him audibly yelling at his leg like it was a person for not realizing some pretty lady had brushed a hand across that spot. It’s a mixed bag, really. 」

⌛ - Sleep

    「 When he tries to sleep, it’s a whole-ass Odyssey every time. At first he tosses and turns, sometimes checking his phone, trying to find that perfect spot to finally settle in to. Once he does find it he starts off as a light sleeper where any little noise will spook him awake, and sometimes during this process he starts the whole journey for the sacred spot all over again if he is woken back up. Once he is passed out though, good luck waking him up for anything that’s any less than a natural disaster; he falls in to a deep sleep where nothing short of nature’s fury will rouse him back in to the world of the conscious. During this dead slumber, he does what could be called “dry snoring,” where you can hear him breathing audibly but it doesn’t have that rolling that is typically indicative of actual snores — and the cause of much irritation. It’s easy to sleep through that, thankfully. Though always expect to find him sprawled out or contorted in to uncomfortable-looking positions by the time morning rolls around, not unlike a dog that’s rolled around in his dreams. 」

💩 - Ridiculousness! [ Alcohol/Drunkenness mentions TW, in case you wish to avoid those topics! ]

    「 There was one time Larry had decided to go out to a bar to pick up sober chicks — the alcohol was going to just be liquid courage for Larry himself — and he spent half that night drunk as a skunk on fermented junk either hogging the karaoke machine or waxing philosophical about all the dumbest topics like if the plural for “moose” should be “meese.” He then left the bar, wound up distracted by a cat in the alleyway, and wound up taking that cat home in an attempt to adopt it while singing “What’s New Pussycat?” the whole way there. He was entirely off-tune, and forgot half the lyrics, and to this day he has no idea if he even made it to his house with the cat or if it just scarpered off out an open window later on. 」

[idjitlili]

She’s the man

fili x reader

Also please send in prompts, it would help dearly. You know like lines like "uhh what exactly do they do? kick names , kick ass."

Summary: Gandalf tells you to hide the fact you are women ;to allow you come with the company without Thorin rejecting you because you are woman. I have seen this idea a bunch of imagines so I decided I'll take a kick at it , making it my own. Word count:2464

You had been apart of the company a couple of weeks , nine months now, yet your identity is still hidden. You barely talked to anyone; if you did it was to Gandalf or Bilbo. You knew Bilbo was smart he knew something was up with you, every month there was a couple of days where your face screwed up frowning ,or you clutched you're stomach. Bilbo was no idiot, he took in the small details, not bathing at the same time, always wearing a hat ,scarf and oversized clothing.

He decided to confront Gandalf about it, in which Gandalf brought you over and you told Bilbo your secret , and concluding that he was sworn to secrecy. This caused you to grow close to Bilbo, he would take watch when you bathed so no one saw you , you would ride next to him on the pony, and you would make fun of of the dwarves behind there backs.

The Two princes caught on about your close bond with the hobbit and decided they need to confront you. The two princes stood behind you smirking as you bent down to grab your bedroll packing it up. Oh you just know they stared at your ass , even though you were a 'man'. You had chosen the name Jared , as your male name , you didn't know why , you knew how to read and you weren't a moose. Yeah.

"Mister Jared?" Kili has called out , making you stand up right facing them, towering them slightly , because simply you were a human. You had just finished packing your bedroll ready to be on the road again when they had gained your attention. You had nodded trying not use your horrible excuse of a mans voice.

They had taken in a big breath, before fili spoke "uh.. we were wondering if you and Bilbo were um-""are you fucking master boggins?" You had gasped at their question, and their use of words , "why would you think that?!" You had whispered shouted at the princes , as there flashes flashed red , well mostly fili , kili was smirking. "Well you always take him to keep watch when you bath so..." he had grinned at you, you scoffed.

"Bloody hell, maybe I just don't want prople seeing my body, it's called privacy." You spoke quietly not trying to draw the others attention.

"Why wouldn't you be comfortable?" Kili had continued not convinced really, he was really annoying you now. "Because I don't have the typical male body-""how so, you don't have breasts.” you had gasped "maybe I don't want dwarven princes seeing my cock out , then bloody wanking to my big ass cock." And with that you walked away with your bag hoping on your pony ready to continue your journey, leaving the princes stunned.

Now you were at Rivendell, you were finally able to bathe in peace and walk around in a elven dress and no one would recognise you. You and Bilbo had decided to share a room, he had been writing in a book on the bed as you went to bathe. However once you had gotten out wearing just a robe ; Bilbo was no where to be found. So you had dressed in a mint green dress that Elrond had given you , knowing your secret. You would have worn your own clothes, but Bilbo had taken them to wash them for you , what a nice hobbit he was.

You were very much grateful for the friendship that bloomed between you had Bilbo. You could not deny the attraction you felt towards the golden haired prince, you had no chance he liked women but you had to be a man. You wish he could get to know you , y/n a women , That had been admiring him the whole journey.

So now you were in search of a little hobbit , in a fancy dress which showed more of a bust than you were use to, you know being a 'man' and all you didn't show anything. You spent around an hour searching for him; before you found him at a fountain with your clothes all laid out to dry.

Unknowingly to you two dwarven princes were following you , in awe of your beauty , hiding in bushes and such. "Bilbo!" You had called out , making the hobbit turn and smile at you. "Look at you all dressed up!" He had called, you smiled widely at him before bending over picking him up placing him on your hip like a toddler, as he had just bunched up all the clothes placing them in a bag which you took and placed on your shoulder.

Whilst fili had whispered to his brother , "I know that bottom, kili." Kili had looked at him confused. "I don't know who's it is but I know it." The brothers stayed hid thinking where they could know you from, surely they would remember such a beautiful girl , they had thought.

You had headed back to your room to change , sending Bilbo to dinner to make sure no one went looking for you , he would just tell them 'no he is just getting dressed he had just bathed he will be here soon.' But it was too late Thorin had already sent fili to your room to fetch you. You were half dressed, in your trousers and undershirt which was a thin white vest which showed you definitely had breasts even if they were small or huge, no hat ,hair down.

Knock, Knock, Knock. You had assumed it was Bilbo telling you to hurry up, he always knocked just in case , but he seen you in a vest and pants before so it was fine. "Come on." You had raised your voice so Bilbo could hear. The door creeked open , and the shuffling of feet was heard soon after a gasp. "Um..excuse me but why are you wearing Jareds cloth- wait." You had turned around to see a red faced Fili , you gasped throwing on your shirt.

He thought about it and it all made sense. "You are Jared. " he spoke you nod, "yeah, um but that's not my name, it's Y/n." You spoke looking down at the floor in embarrassment. "Y-your a women..why lie?" He asked still shocked , he knew he liked you since he met you , but it wasn't common , well it was rare for a male to like another male so he pushed it off. "Your uncle wouldn't have let me come, plus if anything it was Gandalf's idea." You sat on the end of the bed , Fili shut the door , and walked to next to you taking a seat.

"Is that why you would only talk to Bilbo rarely anyone else? Because he knew?" He questioned you, you had simply nodded. "So are you going to keep this a secret still? I don't think Uncle will abandon you on the side of the road. The company like you, plus if he tries to kili and I will hide you in our packs. Mahal I will develop ale belly over night just to hide you like that.." You giggled at his words, small blush on your cheeks , he smiles at you.

"I guess ;I must now." And with that he grabbed you hand pulling you up , saying we already late for dinner and there won't be any left if we do not hurry. He lead you down the stairs and to the company who were sat at two tables, they all had looked at you and fili confused. "Who's the lass,Fil." Bofur had shouted with a smirk looking at your interwoven hands,which you tried to drop but Fili kept a hold. "You already know y/n." Gandalf looked mortified , looking towards Thorin , who's lips twitched up for a second.

He wasn't stupid just like Bilbo he had figured out that you were not a man, he didn't push it because you stayed out of his way and in fights you tried your best even though you had barely any experience. You didn't know why Gandalf had requested you on this trip, nor did anyone else apart from Gandalf who forced you on this trip.

The company had sat staring still until Bilbo stood up, throwing his arms up in the arm. "You bloody idiots , it's Jared ," he had shouting , as the dwarves whipped back to you eyeing you up and down. " you have a cock?" Kili had enquired only for Dwalin to slap him in the upside of the head. You pull fili by the hand sitting down on the next empty seat.  "Y/n been pretending to be male this whole time, so that you would treat her the same, I did not want you treat her like a burden, when she is not." Gandalf spoke up making the dwarves turn their attention to the wizard , no reaction at first.

Well that was until Fili stood up from beside you with a cup of ale ,"I say we welcome her , as we did before." "Aye to that." And with that they drank.  

That started your friendship with the oldest prince ;however it was not like the one you had with Bilbo. When you had all been kidnapped by Goblins he had shield you from the whips , and once you were running to escape he had grabbed your hand pulling you along with him.

Then when the orca had ambushed you  he became your shield again , even though you told him not to and tried to push past him but he would not budge. After that the eagles came he had almost suffocated you , to hold you , trying stop you falling off the eagle. Which you would not have.

I am not joking when I say this , when Beorn started chasing you he had thrown you over your shoulder , Turning into sonic to get you to safety. This is exactly what Gandalf meant about being treated like a burden, you didn't know that wasn't why he was doing it.

Anyways you all had been captured by the elves of the Greenwood realm , and you were stripped down to your underclothes not the dwarves, thrown in cells but then Bilbo had broke you all out. Your vest see through from the water , as you out swam the orcs. Legolas the kings son stopped watching you all go. You had turned around in the barrel "get shagged by an octopus, princess!" You shouted towards him, you were pissed off by the fact they had stripped you to such a level. He had looked at you like a little puppy turning his head side to side, you turned away to smirking company.

"She's got a mouth on her lads." Bofur had shouted out smirking, not that you saw kili or some of the other dwarves raising their eyebrows suggestively. He sent them a look that said  fuck off.  As you reached land stepping out of the barrels soaking wet, hair sticking to you , clothes sagging down due to the water weight.

You had noticed your problem moving your hands ove the fabric of your vest ,which your nipples were visible, crossing your arms. No one had any coats as they were only stripped of them.  Fili had walked over to you ready to strip himself of his tunic, you shook your head no. "I'll be fine once it dries, don't worry." You had spoken quietly to the dwarf . Before he could say anything a barge man had appeared firing his bow at the rock kili held in defence.

"Do it again and you're dead." Damn his voice sounded like pure golden domination,and stern. Fili had placed himself in front you, you had groaned at his action, which he ignored.

Soon enough you were all upon his barge,only then did you confront fili,who left his injured brother to follow you around like a lost puppy. He stood close next to you,you could almost feel the heat radiating of him ,oh how you wished for warmth. Goosebumps mapped down your  bare arms like snow,even the barge man had looked at you in concern. You glanced at fili's frowning face, "Fili?" he had turned to look at you letting out an quiet 'hmm?' you had broken his thoughts of you,but you didnt know that."why do you seek to protect me ,when I dont need protecting. I thought you knew I didnt want to be treated like a burden." you had whispered not wanting the company hearing your petty moans.

Fili took his gaze off the icy lake ,looking at you like he didnt know what to say,he knew a bit over the top."its not like that,you aren't a burden...its just that..uhm"his flashes lightly with a blush. "fee,please..." your tone sincere and worried as you turned to him gripped his rough hands,you couldnt believe you had touched him you go got move your hands but again he keeps them in his hands. "the reason I'm like that is because you are my one y/n,its my duty to keep you safe,even if it costs my own life." he had looked away in embarrassment back to the cold water ,but you hand moved so you were directly infront of his lips ,pressing yours to his ,delivering a short kiss.

"if you die then I die with you,now keep me warm with those strong arms." and with that a chuckle left his mouth quiety as he cupped your cheeks pressing his lips to yours like you did he gasps in shock after. "god you are freezing,darn lucky im wearing two tunic?"

"you are wearing two? I would have took one earlier ,Ijust didnt want you to be cold. seriously everyone has seen my nipples through my vest." you groaned in annoyance but fili soon shedded one of his tunics putting on you ,you thank him before he wraps his muscular arms around your body,as you both look out to the lake. However the whole company had watched in awe.

You already know you have the princes and Thorin you also know fili gonna get hella jealous when you have to pretend to court bard in about 0.03 seconds.

[surlybobbies]

For the Love of the Game [deancas, 1.5k, T]

Summary:

“A tense moment on the field between good friends. Novak has taken Dean Winchester’s legs out from under him - did he get the ball? What do you think, Joe? Yellow card?”

“Looks like he just about got the ball to me. Fair challenge. Though judging by his reaction, it looks like Winchester doesn’t agree."

(Dean and Cas over the course of three years as players of opposing soccer teams.)

Author’s notes: written in the 90 minutes it took to watch a soccer game at 1am.  I’m a sucker for athlete Dean and Cas.

Read on ao3 or

“Of course, Winchester and Novak have known each other since they were kids.  Best friends, these two, off the pitch.  On the pitch, however, as I’m sure we’ll see today, is a different story.”

The loss is a difficult one to take; it means that Cas and his team are now on the bottom half of the league table, a position they haven’t been in for well over a decade.  

After the final whistle, Dean jogs to Cas, whose hands are clutching at his hair in disbelief.  Dean puts his hands around Cas’s face, forcing Cas to look at him.  “You okay?”

Cas closes his eyes and grits his teeth.  He’s probably thinking about the goal Dean had scored just 10 minutes before the final whistle, and how he’d been unable to prevent it.  “I will be.”

Dean sighs and pulls Cas in for a rough hug.  “I’ll tell mom you’re coming over this weekend.”

“How long is she in town?” 

“Just a week,” Dean says.  “She’ll want to see you.”

Cas shoves him away and scrubs his face with both hands.  “Just let me know.”

++

“Apparently they stay at each other’s bachelor pads over holidays.”

It’s been coming for years, but when Cas pulls Dean in for a kiss on Christmas, it’s still a surprise.  Dean takes a few moments to fully register what’s happening, that Cas is really finally kissing him, but once it sinks in, he is definitely on board with the developments, and he pushes Cas against the wall and starts to thoroughly enjoy himself.

A century later, Cas pulls away.  “This is unwise,” he says breathlessly.

Dean’s dizzy with Cas’s touch.  He touches Cas’s face because he can’t stand not touching him.  “You started it,” he says, all he can think of to say.

Cas frowns a little bit, but his nostrils flare with how hard he’s breathing.  “How I got here, kissing an absolute idiot, I have no idea.”

“You’ve also got a hand up my shirt,” Dean supplies unhelpfully, “if you wanted to get around to removing that.”

Cas arches an eyebrow, and Dean likes it.  “Do you want me to remove it?” Cas asks, leaning in again, dragging his hand down to Dean’s waistband at an agonizingly slow pace.

Dean’s hopeless - absolutely done for.  “Definitely not.”

“Good,” Cas growls, and Dean likes that a lot.

++

“Their rivalry seems to fuel their friendship - or is it the other way around?”

“Just to be clear, this doesn’t mean I’m going to take it easy on you this Saturday,”

Dean’s lounging, one hand behind his head, watching the progress of Cas’s lips down his chest with lidded eyes.  “Wouldn’t love you if you did.”

There’s a long pause.  Cas lifts his eyes to watch Dean’s expression, but it doesn’t waver.  The only sign of nerves is in the way his throat moves.  Cas acknowledges the word with a small smile and a lingering kiss to the center of Dean’s chest.  Later, he’ll murmur the word over and over and over into Dean’s hair, his hands on Dean’s ass, encouraging him, and Dean will swell and break with it.

++

“A tense moment between good friends.  Novak has taken Dean Winchester’s legs out from under him - did he get the ball?  What do you think, Joe?  Yellow card?”

“Looks like he just about got the ball to me.  Fair challenge.  Though it looks like Winchester doesn’t seem to agree.”

“Could have broken my leg, Cas,” Dean spits.

Cas is adjusting his shin pads.  He looks up at Dean.  “Hardly - it was a fair challenge.”

Dean gets up right in his face when Cas straightens.  Cas has seen this face in the throes of pleasure and he knows he’ll see it again; he lifts his chin and smirks, knowing how much Dean will hate it.  

“Also, ref begs to differ,” Cas says, winking.  “No foul.”

“Jesus, you’re a cocky bastard.”

“And you’re a shit striker.”

“You shouldn’t even be on the field with a challenge like that.”

Cas is getting back into position, walking backwards so he can throw one last remark at Dean: “You shouldn’t even be on the field with skills like that.”

Dean’s face turns red.  “What’d you just say?”

In the end the ref has to separate them; no cards are shown, but neither of them talk to the other for two weeks.

It goes without saying that the eventual make-up sex is fantastic.

++

“It’s Novak’s last game for the Angels - he’ll be officially retired at the end of these 90 minutes, aged 35.  Fitting that his greatest rival and friend should be on the pitch with him, albeit playing for the opposition.”

Cas is subbed at 87 minutes for his last ovation from the home crowd.  They adore him as he adores them, and Dean knows this last walk off the field has got to be an emotionally harrowing moment for Cas.

Dean hopes his fans won’t give him too much shit for what he does next: he pulls Cas in for a rough hug as Cas walks to the touchline to be subbed.  He doesn’t look Cas in the eye, and shoves him away before either of them do something stupid like cry.

++

“Back for the second half of the first game of the season, and Dean Winchester’s 37th minute goal is the only thing separating the two sides.

As most know, Winchester announced over the break that he and his best friend and former Angels player Cas Novak have been dating.  There’s been quite a bit of backlash, mostly from fans who think their relationship has swayed their performances over the years, but both Winchester’s manager and Novak’s former manager have laughed off that particular suggestion.  What do you think, Greg?”

“No, they’ve both been consummate professionals, haven’t they, over the years?  Obviously good friends - well, we know why now - but it never stopped either of them from giving it their all on the pitch.”

“They both loved the game too much to let anything affect it.”

It’s not fun, being the only player in the league out of the closet.  His teammates don’t treat him any differently, but Dean sometimes feels like he’s slowly being frozen out.

“It’s because you didn’t say anything to us.”

“What the hell was I supposed to say, Benny?  ‘I’m fucking a guy, and it’s Cas Novak’?”

Benny sighs.  “I don’t know, Dean.  They just want to know their captain’s being honest with them.  Sleeping with the opposition is pretty shady, alright?”

Dean hangs his head.  He understands.  He’s still pissed, still frustrated, but he makes up his mind.  He slams his locker to get everyone’s attention.  “Just figured you all would want to know,” he says loudly, a little angrily, “I’m asking Cas to marry me tonight.”

Stunned silence.  Dean stares them all down, daring any of them to say anything.  If he has to knock someone out for talking shit about Cas, he swears he’ll do it and damn the consequences.

But nothing happens.  Ash grins, scratching his neck.  “We’re invited to the wedding, right?”

The laughter that follows breaks the ice.  Dean tries and fails to stop himself from crying when they all come forward to congratulate him.

++

“Dean Winchester made history by marrying Cas Novak over the break.  It’s a great moment in sport, but he’s opened up in a recent interview regarding the homophobic abuse he and his husband have received.”

“A shame that.  The sport needs to do more to support their LGBTQ+ players.”

“Agreed.  But despite all that, Winchester says he’s proud to lead the way for others to come out in his wake.  Plus, his husband is here to watch his first game of the season, so that must make up for it somewhat.”

“He’s probably not happy to see Novak in Angel colors, though!”

“The rivalry lives on!”

“Who wants to bet that it’ll be a tense atmosphere in the Novak-Winchester home tonight?”

Cas is solemn as he greets Dean at the door of their home, but Dean scowls at him anyway.  “Don’t think I didn’t see you cheering when they scored.”

Cas looks a little abashed.  “They’re my friends, Dean.”

“I’m your husband.”

Cas hides his smile in Dean’s neck.  “And I love you.”  He wraps his arms around Dean so he can’t wriggle away.  “But I also love my team.  My fans would have rioted if I’d shown up in your jersey.”

Dean doesn’t bother arguing.  He played for the full 90, and the emotional toll of the loss is just now sinking in.  “I’m ready to go to bed,” he says, his voice raw.

“Alright,” Cas says, kissing Dean on the cheek.  “I’ll be there soon.”

Dean is half asleep when Cas walks in wearing Dean’s jersey and a pair of sweatpants - then Dean’s suddenly wide-awake and half-hard.

Cas gets under the covers and leans over Dean, smelling like shampoo and toothpaste.  “Good night,” he says cheerfully.

Dean stares at his husband, marveling at the audacity.  Finally, he says, “You’re such a jackass,” but diminishes the effect by pulling Cas in roughly by the front of the shirt and kissing him, much to Cas’s delight.

_____________ tag list:

@super-powerful-queen-slayyna @lifeisingrey @fangirlingtodeath513 @levicastho @dontlosethemoon @dmsilvisart @hello-vague-stuff @bold-sartorial-statement @snarkysnartes @massivefaceperson @dontlosethemoon @livebloggingmydescentintomadness @yourspecialeyes @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover​ @profoundnet

(if you’ve asked me to put you on the tag list and i haven’t I’M SO SORRY i was bombarded with a bunch of notifs and may have missed it… send me an ask - replies sometimes get buried esp if you don’t reply on the original post - and i’ll update the list!)

[shepaintsred]

Words for Bill

December 17, 2020

As I write these words down on this page, a flock of geese has gone over the house, voicing a baleful good-bye to autumn and a welcome to the dark winter months. For William Harvey Webb, W.H. Webb, Bill, the winter road was a significant metaphor. Through the years, if we stopped and looked at the details etched into those crisp winter tracks, we were to discover more than just snow; the light reflecting off of the raised edges and the shadows pouring into the deepest hollows of the tread marks, but also, we were to discover rich histories; family, friends, conversations, laughter and tears.

Welcome to those of you who have come to share in this tribute, today.  Let us, in our imaginations, include and leave some space for so many others who want to be here with us. Bill was so well-loved and there are so many that he loved in return

You can’t see him, but standing by my side, is one of Bill’s closest friends, Richard Dawson and over there, seated near his friends, Brock and Elaine, is his wife, Shirley. Richard brings to this gathering a lifetime of shared narratives and so, at times and with his permission, he will nudge me, and I will share the odd one.

My name is Kathleen Moors.  Bill called me Katie.  Bill and I have shared a magical friendship and this is an honour to be with the people who meant so much to him.

Bill was no stranger to loss in his life.  When son, Michael, died, Bill was devastated and felt helpless.  Perhaps now he can offer comfort to the son he loved so much.

To Bill’s family; Amanda and Wade, Gaylene, Andrew and family of Northern Ireland; brother, Bob and wife, Shirley as well as his five beautiful grandchildren; we offer our sadness, our support, and our love.

I will NOT soon forget how animated Bill became at the mention of time spent with his grandchildren, particularly when they were able to share dates out to live theater or musical performances.  Bill was a real gentleman and always dressed up for such occasions.  He saw events as spectacles.  

Bill was a romantic and a gentleman.  He grew houseplants.  He loved any animal that came his way.  He adored Ginger and Blackie…and Teva…and they loved him.  There was never a dinner prepared that did not involve a remarkable place setting and candles.  I remember Bill leading me to the outskirts of Edmonton after the celebratory festivities following the Alberta Centennial exhibit hosted by the West End Galleries. He did this so that there would be no chance that I would lose my way

Bill did not own a computer.  He was the most ‘unplugged’ person I know, relying on the library for the occasion of checking electronic mail.  He didn’t access television or cable, but did watch movies, his good friend, Brock, often sending them from Moose Jaw.  The sound of opera would often fill his nest with beautiful voices, something that he shared with good friend, John Oberg when John would slip over to Bill’s place or Bill would show up at John’s, the brushes cleaned up and put away for another night.

Bill was an educator.

Richard nudges… “when jobs were scarce in Oldham, England, Bill and his new family moved to Canada and a teaching job in Fort McMurray.  Then it was on to Castor where he was principal, then principal in Grand Cache, Alberta.  Next it was Superintendent of Schools in St. Paul and later Wainwright.”

While giving this all up, to Sheep Farm in Heath, Alberta, Bill never stopped being an educator.  He taught Sunday School for several years, creating dioramas and long rolls fed through makeshift television sets…he was an amazing orator, as well, feeling very comfortable speaking in front of any group.  He volunteered, teaching art at various grade levels and I’m certain that the children were, every time, excited to see him.

Bill was an amazing listener.  He was not one to busy his hands when you spoke to him.  He looked straight at you and gave you complete attention, asking the most interesting questions that, indeed, gave you every reason to believe that you mattered, you were his entire world at that very moment.  In the busyness of food preparation, I sometimes looked over my shoulder and saw Bill listening to one of my children and I wondered, “If only I could do that!”

Bill loved reading, especially history and non-fiction, but if you suggested a book, he would inevitably pick it up at the library or purchase the title so that he could give a ‘book report’ as he called them or he might even write out his book reports and post them in the mail.

Bill loved to dance. I never got to dance with Bill. This was a moment, lost.

Bill loved connection. He was a part of the Film Society whose members included Rick and Lyn, Mary-Lou, Carol and Noreen Getzlaf, Linda Wheaton and a long list of others.  Richard says that in the group, when the beverages came out, Richard was the only one not drinking….to this day, he ponders, now chuckles about whether they welcomed him to meetings for the rich variety of film OR because inevitably, he served as designated driver!

Bill spilled over with excitement about the Wine Club events, the garden parties and the brunches hosted at John Oberg’s.  I wasn’t ever a member of the Snake Trail Alpine Club, but that, too, grew a culture and history all its own. I went on numerous walks and hikes, with Bill and you probably did, as well. Bill had a marvelous connection with the landscape and conversations were had where all we did was analyze the sky, the shadows they cast on the land…observations that might seem unremarkable to most.

Bill loved all things related to trains and had huge dreams about drawing travelers into Forestburg by creating something very special around art, trains and community. He loved talking about the process of constructing all of the unique bits that went into building the landscape elements.  He was such a master at everything he took on!

Bill explained in his letters just how much he treasured it when someone was sitting back in his big comfy chair while he painted…I think we’ve all taken a place in that chair, but most treasured for their visits would be Rose and Virginia, I think.  Oh my. The stories Bill would share over the telephone about the encouragement that was given.

Bill enjoyed the company of so many.  The RB3 Richard Dawson, Bruce Beck, Brock Chrysler and Bill Webb!  He enjoyed seeing the guys whenever possible, but also really treasured their telephone conversations over so many years.

Bill was a health-conscious person.  He didn’t hesitate to share his journey as it related to the body or the emotions.

Richard Nudges…

Richard writes WW2 stories and he did an in-depth one on the Dam-Busters Raid, focusing on the 3 men from Moose Jaw and District who were on the Raid.

He completed it and the RCAF scheduled a little show and flag ceremony on the anniversary of the Western Development Museum. All systems were go.

Then Richard got a call from Bill. He was having knee replacement surgery and would Richard come to Forestburg and help out. So, Richard assigned his Dam-Buster Project to a most capable young man at the WDM and off he went.

Bill saw his recovery from the surgery as another competition and did all his exercise and activities. Before going to Forestburg Richard made clear that he would not be helping Bill with bathroom chores. If he needed to take a dump – he was on his own.  (Don’t forget…these are Richard’s words!  Lol I can just imagine these two guys laughing about this.)

He was an excellent patient. Richard cooked and they both put on a few pounds.

After five days he was able to get around just fine and Richard headed home to Moose Jaw.

On the second knee surgery he was able to stay with Amanda and Wade and they nursed him back to health.

Regarding his health, Bill consulted with the professionals with great enthusiasm and followed all directives when it came to achieving a healthy balance in his life.  He filled countless journals and developed the habit as a way of working through difficult times.  He was exceptional at keeping archives of events and didn’t miss a detail because…

Bill was a detail guy.

Bill’s approach to painting was incredible.  He set up his studio so that it was very spare.  He was not one for clutter or distraction when he needed to focus. He and I used to joke about blending our studios and agreed that it might never work because our spaces are so different from one another. He lovingly left voice messages, “This is Bill of the Northern Studio, checking in with Katie of the Southern Studio.

First steps to a painting involved airbrushing his sky.  From there, he delved into the world of darkest values and from the very onset, Bill used miniscule brushes.  He built incredible worlds as he came forward in space, with lighter and lighter values.  He was technical and deliberate.  His works are dreamscapes of places a lot of us know, but rarely analyze the way that Bill did.  Whether it was a huge vista of the Livingston Range or those ruts on a country road in winter, he paid the subject the same attention and care. He was prolific, painting right up until the last weeks before he died.  He felt responsible to his dealers and spoke often about his professional relationships with them. Over time, these people came to be very personal friends and extremely important to him.

Richard Nudges…

“One of Richard’s last official acts for Bill was attending the Memorial for William (Bill) Shurniak at the Shurniak Gallery in Assiniboia. Bill died August 8, 2020 and the memorial was open – at the Gallery and individual.

Bill and Richard visited the Shurniack Gallery many times and if Bill Shurniack was there, they visited him. He was still active on the Board of Husky Energy in Calgary and was still travelling regularly to Hong Kong.

As Richard sat in the Gallery, listening to the music, he could see a Group of Severn painting over his right shoulder. It is a painting of Cowley, Alberta, although, I think – called Pincher Creek Station.

When his meditation was complete, he signed the registry for himself and also signed Bill’s name. Richard called him from the car and he was very appreciative I had done that.”

Painting was such a great joy to Bill.  He and I spoke to one another endlessly about our work, supporting one another and challenging one another.  In his letters, he always began with what he was working on and ended with what he was going to go and work on next.  I am so proud of W.H.Webb, the painter.  He worked so hard.  The art community is going to miss such a gentleman as Bill, such a magnificent artist, driven with a passion for capturing the spectacular views that so many of us love.

Bill’s vision.

This eulogy has not written itself easily.  I was writing and writing and deleting and writing again, simply because I felt that if I stopped and the words wrapped up and came to an end, it would mean that my friend is truly gone.  I realize through much losing these last years, that if we truly love our family and our friends, they will remain.  I have to trust that this is the case here as well.

I wrote the final words on the page…Bill’s Vision.

What would Bill want you to know…or to realize…by his life and it being entwined with yours and I am left as I began, with the sound of the geese….and an image.  Consider these a gift today, that you loved this absolutely precious and beautiful soul.  And keep him with you.

 Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

[randomnameless]

I was checking the other wiki for more info on FE16′s unused content 

(is it me or the other wiki isn’t edited as easily as a snapchat selfie?)

We missed the best battalion in the game :’(

OTOH, if we’re supposed to think those battalions are random mercenaries chilling around waiting to be hired, i’d feel bad about a battallion of random crazed villagers chilling around, just waiting to be hired but apparently they cannot be healed...

From the unused map sprite, even if it doesn’t match the character’s sprite, Rhea bleaches her hair when she cosplays as Seiros, and we were robbed of the “two eyed Dimitri” map sprite.

I’ve finally found the beta “Felix’n’Annette were supposed to fight against Dimitri” convos, idk what was the beta AM, but here it seems as if Felix’n’Annette are fighting alongside Cornelia and the randoms Faerghusians in Firdhiad. Maybe they defected when Dimitri wanted to go to Enbarr, then Flèche happened, Dimitri returns home and has to fight against them? idk.

More interesting though, is the cut “trading” activity, where, apparently, we would have been able to send merchants somewhere to get rare and endemic products.

It’s interesting because it has some flavor text about the destinations!

Brigid A group of islands with abundant nature, floating in Western Fódlan. They lack in production of arms and goods, but they are excellent hunters and fishers, and are well-known for their unique cuisine.

They were unlucky in Civ and didn’t start near a mine of iron or copper? If only we could have more Brigid dishes, i’d be a happy nerd

Land of Albinea A vast land located Nothwest of Fódlan. They require a variety of resources for development. There are lots of famous foods that take advantage rich nature in the area. 

Albinea doesn’t have a lot of ressources for development (TFW no iron/copper) but apparently they have a lot of “famous food”. I think Albinean moose is used in some dishes?

Derdriu, The Aquatic Capital The capital of the Regan Dukedom, and the central part of the Alliance Territory. There are a lot of factories there, and they leverage the port to produce and export goods to build their wealth.

Look at those merchant republics exporting goods and developing factories, then what, they developed tariffs? Sleazy merchants. OTOH, from this description alone, I have the feeling the Alliance’s nobility desperatly tries to assert its authority through “ancient noble blood” and what not, because if someone is rich enough to have 70% of the factories used, and controls the trade, even if Count Gloucester recalls how Gloucester the Elite was the dudest bro in the world, rich merchants won’t give a fig about him.

Fort Merceus A fortified city, and the capital of the County of Bergliez. Extremely rich in agriculture and fishing thanks to the blessing of the fertile Gronder Field and Airmid River.

The Empire seized every fertile land in Fodlan? I remember a raunchy novel implying Cichol blessed the fields of Gronder (bla bla earth dragon magic?) but with the river + those magical fields, the Empire’s supposed to be self-sufficient, at least when food is concerned. It contrasts with the Kingdom where recolts aren’t that rad, some are forced to turn into Dagdas and Ingrid’s family deals with bad recolts.

Arianrhod, The Fortress City A fortress Kingdom city on the border with the Empire. They put a lot of effort into military preparation, but it's said that they have a surplus of equipment and due to their non-agressive defense policy.

TFW everyone works their butts to build a super fortress city but then your local nobles say it must be used to strengthen a “non-agressive defense policy” :’(. OTOH, Arianrhod being a non-agressive defensive “fortress city” near the border with the Empire means that, at least during the first part of the game, the Kingdom and the Empire weren’t at each other’s throats.

Almyra The great country to the East that has long been at war with Fódlan. The throttle on trade was loosened when the former king began his reign, and they now export many goods.

Wow, interesting bits here! Who is the former king this is talking about? Claude’s Almyrian Grandpapa? Of course greedy merchants from the alliance try to make some business (tm) and Almyra even exports goods! Maybe the pals raiding every wednesday are just a faction who doesn’t want to negociate/trade with their neighbours and only want to fight’n’feast, idk. Making peace through trade though, i’ve read it somewhere but i can’t remember where are they trading coal and steel?

Sreng Region A desolate region where the Sreng people live. It's said that Zoltan, the master swordsmith, once lived there, so there may be valuable weapons waiting to be discovered.

Alright who is Zoltan because we find his weapons in the game. Still sad that there’s nothing about the Sreng people, but talks about a swordsmith in a region where Birdie is sighted in the game makes me think a bit, maybe Zoltan is one of Macuil’s alias, like Cichol and Seteth, or Rhea and Seiros? “There may be valuable weapons waiting to be discovered” TFW you’re a thief trying to discover magic weapons in a desert but get attacked by a talking magic beast :’(

Fhirdiad, The Kingdom Capital The capital of the Kingdom located in Northwestern Fódlan. The study of magic is popular, and the people are said to be skilled at crafts, but the surrounding lands are barren.

Look the Fhirdiad magic school of sorcery gets a mention! It makes me wonder why Fhirdiaid pushes for magic studies but the Empire is supposed to have the most magic oriented army in the continent... Contrast with Bergliez again, the Kingdom’s lands are barren. And yet they still manage to have cheese. Fhirdiad randoms are supposed to be skilled at crafts, what, Cordelia asked them to craft spare parts for her Titanuses and the randoms obliged, not knowing what it would be used for? Or because they don’t have natural ressources, they had to craft a lot of things to compensate for the shitty climate and barren lands?

Morfess, City of Sorcery A desert city located far to the Southeast of Fódlan. The climate is rough, but the study of magic is popular, and it's said that their skill at weapons forging is also high.

Okay I'm pretty sure Morfis/Morfess specialities being “magic + weapons forging” was, in this version of the game, the devs trying to tell us that Macuil used to be there. Climate is rough, dude loves deserts. But as @damoselcastel​ pointed out, maybe Morfess/Morfis developed its own branch of magic and also uses it to forge weapons. TFW the only things we get from Morfis are a battalion of mole people looking mages and plums. Yes, plums.

County of Gloucester A territory of the widest plains in the Alliance territory. Agriculture and cattle-breeding are prosperous, and it's said that County Gloucester himself uses them to develop new foods.

Oh, so next to the economic mess/Fodlan’s version of Amsterdam in Derdriu, Count Gloucester rules over a pretty rural area of the Alliance? He develops new foods, like what? He tries to create fusion food? Now I imagine all kind of jokes made at Count Gloucester’s expense with various sheeps, when the Riegans just need to develop 3 more technologies to fully enter to the industrial revolution era. No wonder why he’s so salty :).

OTOH, again, more worldbuilding : apparently only the Kingdom wasn’t blessed with fertile fields? It sucks for them.

Enbarr, The Imperial Capital Capital of the Adrestian Empire that has a long history. More people there than any other city in Fódlan, and it also has a huge market that sells mostly food.

Compared to the description of the other capitals, this one feels flat. So, Enbarr is old and it has more people in its walls than in any other city in Fodlan. Market sells a lot of food. Enbarr dictates food prices in the continent or what? Or maybe the huge food market is like, the biggest food market in Fodlan where food from every part of the Empire is sold (it manages to enter Enbarr thanks to the canal?). I’m kind of disappointed, otoh, Ferdie reading an agricultural treaty gives him a new light, if food/agriculture is so important in the Empire.

now the million gald question : is Enbarr exporting food to the Kingdom who’s in need or not

County of Varley This area is lacking in water sources, which is rare within the Empire. It's said that they forge precious weapons and armor using the minerals taken from the Ogma mountains.

hahaha what kind of minerals taken from the Ogma mountains are we talking about crest stones or nabatean bones i mean

Fascinating to note, again, that the Empire is the bestest place to be in Fodlan because bar Varley, every area isn’t “lacking in water sources”. So maybe we have a lot of swamps in Adrestia, but at least there are no deserts. With water, you can grow stuff, so it’s a huge bonus for agricultural development. then why are the adrestians so nostalgic about a time where they controled a frozen wasteland and want to reconquer that frozen wasteland, like, it has nothing of interest no natural ressources nothing so why

If only Bernie could forge us something OP...

Kupala This area is just a part of the Alliance's Territory of Margrave Edmund , but it's an autonomous region where the mountain people life. They produce weapons and armor, made with precious minerals.

Those tidbits were in the game before the DLC, so at that time we didn’t know was Kupala before Nemesis’s party. Interesting to note that this is an autonomous region in the Alliance, and not a part of the Alliance like any other territory (Leonie’s village). Maybe the Alliance thought it was too much of a hassle to keep an effective control over those parts of the mountains, for little benefit. Why needing to crush them when we can trade with them?

Territory of Margrave Edmund The region is almost entirely made up of coastal area or islands, and trade with far-off areas is thriving. You may be able to get something rare. 

Or maybe the Territory of Margrave Edmund is just some sort of puzzle, when the Lords needed to give him a territory because he’s a noble they thought about the most difficult, shitty place to administrate and thought about this place, islands, coasts and mountains. Totally not a difficult mess to send knights to keep order of something. Coasts + islands = pirates? But apparently, in the general Alliance trend, Edmund managed to trade with “far-off areas” instead of maintaining a military rule/dominion, and apparently, it works so well that he sometimes manages to get something rare!

Land of Dagda A vast land far west of Fódlan. Their weapons crafted with unique skill are well known. They are hungry for meat that you can only get in Fódlan.

Meat for weapons seems a good trade - I mean Dagdians weapons are supposed to be unique but also well-known. It’s such a shame we never see anything like that in the game :) IIRC Shamir doesn’t have a special Dadgdian pref bow and i hope they’re not talking about the fetters of dromi :’(

why did they cut those worldbuilding parts???

[dio-theshitpost-brando]

This will be a massive list that’s basically, in order: DNI/DNF, About, Rules, Main AU description, Muse List.

Sorry it’s so long. I’ll be editing the pages again, but it is kind of important to have a pinned post since pages aren’t viewable on mobile.

(I will likely edit things off and on and I may make temporary posts referencing to here when I do that; particularly with the muse list. Aka, working on adding George even tho he’s baby...)

Do NOT interact/follow me if you:

 Fit the general criteria (Anti-LGBT+ (including excluding any part of the community), Racist, Sexist, Etc. If your shit can be seen as hate speech Don’t Follow.)

If your blog is mostly NSFW/Kink. If I can skim your blog and not know, I don’t really care.

If you mostly rb discourse/drama. Like the above. Doesn’t matter if I can’t immediately tell, but once it’s a majority of your blog content it makes me anxious.

If you ship incest (J0/na/D10 ESPECIALLY COUNTS WITH THIS), because that shit is a huge trigger. Yes. Legitimate trigger. Don’t argue this with me.

If you ship underaged and adult characters, too. Please don’t. There’s people out there who like these things or don’t care, follow them instead, not me.

About:

First off, this is kind of a mashup shitpost/ask/roleplay blog, though... I do usually tend to roleplay with very specific people (and my format is weird, but has an on blog reason to be), and tend to still use images in those. I’d rather not have a bunch of blogs so I kind of push it all into a couple, so feel free to come at me with anything! I try to be as inclusive as I can be. Though there are a few rules that weren’t covered in DNI.

Also, all blog “canon” overlaps with my Jotaro blog! (jotaro-hoards-belts) They both stem from the same AUs.

Rules: 

Obviously, no asks about ships that would be included in the above list.

While heavier content asks aren’t forbidden, I’d say to handle them with care. (Please consider the muse in question when considering how to bring up trauma. Aka I’d rather a “good” Dio not be taunted with his mother’s death; I’ve some headcanons that make that especially bad.)

Know that any triggering content in my stuff will be tagged and even if it’s of a certain variety I will not romanticize it. But I have some heavy headcanons and AU developments.

While muses can have a bit more freedom in reacting to muses on assumption, I’d rather muns and anons be openminded. For example, muses can be shitty about traumatic experiences, muns and anons cannot do that; however, anything that would relate to muses’ gender/orientation/race, I’d rather not deal with from muses OR muns.

AU Explanation:

With the rules out of the way, time to explain the AU situation. First thing’s first, is that actually all of this is kind of a multiverse situation. Think like Spiderverse or something like that, yeah.

I ALWAYS tag my AUs, now. I don’t have a list of which tags are for which AUs, but just clicking them and skimming them SHOULD clear some things up; if that doesn’t help just ask! I’m aware I do kind of a lot and it’s not always chronological, so I’m always A-Okay explaining things!

Fateswap:

Fateswap is basically a Jonathan-Dio roleswap. Though, slap it with a heavy dose of butterfly effect and it basically means “oops everything’s different!” Granted, there are kind of 2 timelines, but I use completely different tags for those muses, so it should be easy to tell which is which. The one I usually use is also referred to as “Fateswap-B”, and it’s essentially the “main” timeline, now.

The general gist of the AU is Vampire Jonathan and Hamon User Dio. There’s other changes too, since I refer to it as “Fate” swap, not “Role” swap. Dio has George in the AU, for instance. There’s lots of changes, but instead of making this longer, I will just say that there’s always sending asks to muses. (Or to me, but it’s a character ask blog for a reason, yeah?)

This blog will stay more focused on Part 1 of the AU, outside of events. If you’d like to ask about other parts, my ‘Jotaro’ blog is at part 6 in the AU!

Muse List:

Name: Dio Joestar Display name: Ham!Dio Age/DOB: 25 // April 20 Height: ~5'10"/178cm AU: Fateswap-B ;; fateswapSCRATCH.exe AU Overview: Dio turns Jonathan into a vampire, learns hamon, then- wait. Oops Time traveled, learned life (more like death) spoilers and decided to apologize instead of go for the kill. Extra info: By the power of unexpected time travel and universe hopping he was set on a path that basically can be summed up as “Fateswap but mostly everyone lives.” Has since bettered himself and, to split all associations with a certain man, has just taken his adoptive family’s last name. He avoids fighting as best as he can. He lives with Erina who helps him take care of his son, George. He also has been adopted by or adopted various JoJos. Give him the chance and he’ll adopt more. Also, did I mention? Dude fucking hates moose.

Name: Erina Pendleton Display name: FS!Erina Age/DOB: 23 // March 18 Height: ~5'10"/178cm AU:  Fateswap-B ;; fateswapSCRATCH.exe AU Overview: [See Dio’s entry.] Extra info: Lives with Dio to help raise George; only slightly regrets it. With her around you can’t roast Dio in any way that matters, she’s got it covered. She takes no shit and is always prepared to fight, and isn’t scared of much; regularly tussles a hungry vampire. Loves moose only because Dio hates them. Despite that, and other ways in which she harasses Dio she’d consider him her best friend at this point. If you care for your life don’t imply they are anything more in front of her. She helps Vampjo hunt for food; or rather, does it for him. Definitely considers Jonathan to be another dear friend, and truthfully nothing more.

Name: Jonathan Joestar Display name: Vampjo Age/DOB: 24 // April 4 Height: ~6'5"/195cm AU: Fateswap-B ;; fateswapSCRATCH.exe AU Overview: [See Dio’s entry.] Extra Info: Despite needing to eat people to survive, he’s quite hesitant to kill. With Erina’s help he eats anyway, to stop from attacking innocent people, or the few people he cares about. He definitely has a lot bottled up, though doesn’t like to speak much until he warms up. He also tends to try to stay to himself, though is slowly becoming more comfortable around people since completely isolating himself proves to just be self destructive. As such he goes from staying at Windknight’s Lot, to staying in the manor, moving between the two depending on how he feels. He is far from completely trusting Dio again, but does his best to be at least moderately friendly. Mostly for Erina and George’s sakes.

Name: Dio Pendleton Display name: ??? Age/DOB: 23 before death. // April 20 Height: ~5'10"/178cm AU:  Previously Fateswap-A ;; fateswapDisk1.exe         Currently lives in between universes ;; withinTheFurthestRing.exe AU Overview: Turned JoJo into a vampire, tried to kill him but only destroyed his body, married Erina, had George, then got killed and body snatched. Basically Hamon Dio without the cross universe stuff. Also is now a dullahan, of sorts. Nice. Extra info: His head will come off if his ribbon is removed. Also, since he’s a really busted ass ghost who is NEVER invisible he drains the energy of the surrounding area like a bitch, making places he goes cold. Used to use Joestar-Brando as last names but after finding the rest of his family he took Erina’s last name like mostly everyone else did. They just chill in between universes, now. Also the best way to describe how he acts is Hamon Dio but if the only thing he felt bad about was disrespecting Erina and not All Of The Bullshit He Did. Has been recently given a bit of a gift...