#if he tries to pursue my younger sister his ass is dead

[epicwafflepie]

Lmao my abusive aunt's ex boyfriend that's like a decade older than me and has known me since I was FOURTEEN tried hitting on me through text. Bro contacted my dad through Facebook asking for my number to give to my grandma and he did (I gave him permission) but the dude texted me just to hit on me calling me "hot". Like sir you're a decade older than me and have known me since I was a child. Why are you hitting on me ??

[whatisreggieshortfor]

Little Tolly

Tolly has to watch his best mate try to make things work with his father’s choice of ladies. Even though he and Tom both know Evangeline has his heart.

@rebelrayne It’s ya boy!

Tom x MC

‘Lord Tom Beresford-King has Finally Found Love’

Tolly found his younger sister rolling her eyes, letting out an unladylike string of curses, as she crumbled up the tabloid and tossed it into the fireplace, and he couldn’t blame her. Tom was his best mate, had been for pretty much their entire lives, but Tolly had never seen Tom actually want to chase a romantic interest he found, too worried about what his father’s thoughts on her would be. At first, Tolly was thankful Tom never pursued his interest. He’d have to be brain dead to miss the way his best mate would look at his sister with the biggest heart eyes known to mankind.

But now Tom had found Allegra, he wished Tom had chased his own desires. She was a woman of fine tastes, sure, but just as Tolly had always expected of a match made by Tom’s father, she didn’t care about Tom in the slightest.

Tolly had only met Allegra a handful of times, dressed from head to toe in exclusive designer tags, and she had waited all of half a second before allowing her eyes to check him out without sparing so much as a glance toward her future fiancé. Leering at Tolly would be an accurate description of what she did. He was put off, but he tried to be supportive of his friend trying to navigate an arranged relationship. Even if he knew that Allegra was still seeing some Scottish lad with a castle behind Tom’s back- Tolly had tried to raise the issue with his parents but they didn’t care as long as she wasn’t caught by the tabloids.

Which brought Tolly back to his sister’s frustration. Sure, Tom gave her the heart eyes to end all heart eyes, but Evangeline couldn’t hide her own love from flooding her face if her life depended on it. Tolly knew. And he was over his whole ‘protective older brother, nobody is good enough for my sister’ bullshit. He wanted his two favorite people to be happy.

But he was nothing if not a teasing ass.

“Evan, you need to be careful. Your jealousy is showing.”

She scowled at him before redirecting her gaze to where the flames licked up the pages of the tabloid, “Bugger off, Tolly. He’s not going to be happy with her.”

It might’ve been the way her voice cracked at the very end of the sentence, the fire shining off the tears she wasn’t letting fall, but Tolly didn’t retort. Instead he wrapped his arm around his sister and agreed, “No. He’s not.”

When Tom met Allegra, he knew it wouldn’t be love at first sight. But he hoped they’d come to love each other like his grandparents had, even though his parents didn’t. Youcef told him he was being stupid, especially when he came by for their regular poker night and he saw Tom giving his credit card to Allegra. He glanced to Tolly, who spoke up, “Allegra, your nails look a bit dirty.” Her eyes snapped to her manicured nails, “Been digging for anything lately?”

“Oh, bite me, Alexander.” She sneered back at him after she’d taken his point.

Tolly was unfazed by the use of his first name rather than his nickname, “Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t touch things if I don’t know where they’ve been.” Tom barely forced his amusement away before Allegra glanced at him and stormed out of the room.

“Mon deux, you realize she is using you for your money, yes?”

Tom shrugged, “It is what I have to offer after all.”

Youcef glanced over to Tolly where he sat at the table again, and the other boy just shook his head in defeat. They both knew this ‘relationship’ wasn’t good for Tom. It had been months. The final straw for Tolly had been a week ago, when Tom was trying to force sincerity into his words when he told Allegra he loved her. The conversation had put Tolly on edge even more.

“I love you.”

“I love your money.”

“What?”

“I said I love you, honey!”

Tom had pretended he had heard her wrong the first time.

Tolly glared at her blatant arrogance.

Youcef had been the only one to notice Tom had been staring at Evangeline as the words left his mouth.

The look Youcef shot Tolly’s way tonight meant that they should try and talk him out of it. Again.

Tolly was sick of trying to explain to him why staying with Allegra was a bad idea.

But hell, maybe twelfth time was the charm, right?

But before Tolly could open his mouth as they took their seats, Tom’s mother came gliding into the room. Tolly hid a gag that only Youcef could see as she sauntered over to them in her silk nightie and robe, her manicured fingered digging into Tolly’s shoulders. “Aren’t you boys looking handsome tonight?” Tolly had to force the very real gag at her purred words back down his throat.

“Mum, please.” Tom looked mortified, as usual, at his mother’s antics, “We’ve discussed this.”

“Don’t you worry,” Mrs Beresford-King giggled, “He hasn’t done anything to warrant concern, don’t be so silly.” Everyone in their circle knew about his parents affairs, but Tolly didn’t fancy being the next on his mum’s list. Even if she was single. But she didn’t stay, and he was thankful for that.

As soon as Youcef signaled the coast was clear, Tolly started the conversation, “You know what we’re going to say.”

“It’s a moot point at this juncture.” Tom answered back, not looking up from the cards he was shuffling, “Evan- I mean, no one will want me outside of the capacity I am currently fulfilling, so why bother changing things?”

Tolly was fairly sure his eye was twitching. Sure, he’d heard this argument from Tom more times than he could count, but he had never blatantly said his sister’s name before, on accident or otherwise. He couldn’t really be that stupid, could he? “No one does? You really sure about that, mate?”

Tom cleared his throat, ignoring the question, and dig into his trouser pocket.

Setting a ring box on the table in front of his best friends.

Youcef blinked at it, mouth moving on its own, “Vraiment, I pray you are proposing to Tolly right now and not telling us you plan on popping the question to that woman.”

“I will marry you if it avoids that nightmare.” Tolly agreed, staring wide eyed at the ring sitting in the open box. It reminded him of the things he saw Evangeline wear, simple and understated. Not gaudy and over the top like Allegra’s style. God, Tolly wished there was something he could do to stop this.

Evan came home from some charity event she chaired to find her brother sitting in her study. “To what do I owe the pleasure of you lurking in the dark to scare me?”

But Tolly didn’t laugh like he usually would have. He stared into the fire, letting the glow shadow his face, before he finally opened his mouth, “He’s planning to propose.”

Evan knew he wasn’t saying it to hurt her. He was stating a fact she needed to know. But her legs gave out all the same, as she collapsed into the armchair beside him like she’d been struck down, “Are… are you sure?”

He nodded, almost looking like he was on autopilot, “Showed me the ring himself.” Suddenly Tolly covered his face with his hands, just screaming into his palms before he peeled them away to look her in the eye, “You need to tell him.”

“Wha- no! Absolutely not! He’s- he doesn’t-“

“I swear to everything in this life,” he groaned out, “If you are about to and tell me he doesn’t feel the same, I’m gonna- I’m gonna lock you in the closet like that neighbor kid did at that one party when we were children.” He wasn’t serious, she knew that. He and Tom had been the ones to find her, to get her out, and it had left her with a deep seated fear of small spaces. He wouldn’t actually do that to her. But it showed her how desperate he was.

“I’ll try. Okay? But I can’t promise either of us will be happy with the ending.”

Mr Beresford-King threw a grand party, it was obvious that it was meant to be the night Tom proposed to Allegra, and as the oldest friends of the family the Peregine-Tolpuddles were invited. This would be the last chance to talk Tom out of it- he would never risk embarrassing his parents by calling off an engagement. Youcef had taken charge of choosing Evangeline’s dress, picking something in Tom’s favorite color with a sweetheart neckline and a dropped waist. Evan never dressed as nicely as she was tonight, she wasn’t a flashy person regardless of the money their family had. Her entrance was noticed by everyone in the room, and she still didn’t see the way Tom’s eyes traced her every move.

But someone else did.

The proposal would be toward the end of the night. Tolly knew Tom’s father wouldn’t risk to much attention or too many questions about the relationship, so his sister had time to say her piece. But where the hell did she go?

When Allegra had asked Evangeline for a chat, the Lady didn’t think much of it, choosing to follow the girlfriend of the man she loved.

She didn’t expect to be thrown into a closet.

Fists slamming against the wooden door, no sound seemed to be heard over the sound of the band, so Evan rushed to dump her clutch purse out on the floor. Unsteady hands shoved through the pile of make up and other junk she’d stuffed inside, gripping onto her phone when her fingers grazed it. She was heaving in deep breaths, but feeling like she was still short on air, “Siri… call Tol- call To-“

She heard Siri’s robotic voice reply but wasn’t sure what it said.

When Tom’s phone rang, he almost ignored it. Almost decided that his father’s disapproving face wouldn’t worth the call. But instead he fished out his cell, “Evan? Everything alright?”

He was greeted with her frantic breaths, mutterings that he didn’t think she realized another person could actually hear leaving her lips. He’s seen her like this before, and the decision to tear out of the room like a bat out of hell was confirmed when he heard the word ‘closet’ leave in a terrified whisper.

He found Allegra standing in the hall, leaned against the door of a coat closet, a cackle on her lips as she smirked at him before faking a pout, “Aw, what? Sad I got rid of your little eye candy?”

Tom chose not to answer, a fire he didn’t recognize burning in his gut as he shoved her aside and forced the door open, only for Evangeline to stumble out and into his arms, “Evan, it’s alright.” He rubbed her back, “I’ve got you, it’s okay.”

Allegra ignored her tears as she rolled her eyes, “You should’ve left her there. How is anyone supposed to take this proposal seriously if you stare at her the whole time? Maybe I’ll just say no. Let you embarrass your father.”

Tom scoffed, “You think I’ll be getting down on one knee for you any time soon?” He held Evan to him, guiding just a bit down the hall until he found a buzzer, “Alfred, please escort Allegra off the premises and alert the guards she is no longer welcome.”

There was no denying the joy in the older man’s voice as he buzzed back over, “It will be my absolute pleasure, sir.”

“Oh hell yeah!” Tom turned to see Tolly celebrating, for the entirety of the one second it took him to catch sight of his sister, “Holy- Evan, what happened?” He rushed down the hall, gently holding her face.

“Closet.” She whimpered in return, burrowing further into Tom’s side like it was the safest place she’d ever been.

Eventually, Evan was able to return to the party, and the three of them entered the room to be greeted by Youcef as Tom’s father addressed the crowd. The Frenchman couldn’t hide his grimace, “I believe you’re just in time for your introduction.” He glanced at the three of them, “Where’s the bride to be?”

Tom tugged Evan to stand beside him, “Right here.” Her eyes widened, but he continued, “Not yet. But if this has taught me anything, it’s that it’s about time we both stop avoiding it.”

A year later, Tolly found Evangeline staring at another headline about Tom. But this one didn’t get tossed into the fire. This one was framed, hung in her study.

‘Lord Tom Beresford-King Set to Marry Lady Evangeline Peregrine-Tolpuddle’

Masterlist

[spidercakes]

Have some mob boss!Tony and kept!Peter!

Warnings: mentions of abuse.

*

Peter shivers, upset and hurt but Tony has a hand on his shoulder like he’s trying to steady him. “Are you okay?” Tony asks and Peter knows this won’t come without a price but he’s ready to pay it, even when he knows he’ll regret it. He shakes his head slowly and Tony sighs softly, “oh course you aren’t. Come on, lets sit you down,” he says like he isn’t working through a list of his own plans with Peter but it has to be better than what he left. Maybe. Probably not, but Peter needs a plan and if Bucky has taught him anything its that abusers don’t abuse right away. Tony will play nice for awhile, he can plan then.

So he follows Tony, allows him to put him into a car while he takes deep breaths. “What do you want for this?” he asks after a few long minutes.

Tony is sitting beside him, watching him pensively. He stays like that for a moment after Peter speaks, considering. He reaches out and tilts Peter’s chin up a bit, “nothing much baby, just loyalty. Think you can do that?” he asks.

Peter nods like he has a choice, arms curling around himself tightly. “I didn’t think you’d do that out of the goodness of your heart,” he murmurs.

“Well, you’re not wrong in assuming I’m a bad man. But I do draw the line at domestic violence,” Tony tells him.

Yeah, like Peter is stupid enough to believe that. “But murder isn’t something you have qualms with?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

Tony shrugs, “nature of my business.”

*

He waits for the other shoe to drop, Peter knows its going to happen because Tony is nice, too nice. He somehow found all of Peter’s stuff and brought it to him, the room he’s staying in is huge, and Tony never pushes anything. He barely even talks to Peter most days, invites him to dinner others and expects nothing. He doesn’t bar Peter from leaving but he’s not fucking stupid, the cops think he killed Bucky and they aren’t totally wrong about that either. Its because of him, he’s sure, that Tony decided to get involved and now Bucky’s dead not that Peter can bring himself to feel bad about it.

Still, its not smart to leave the house right now so he doesn’t. Tony doesn’t contradict that unless there’s an off chance that he wants to take Peter out himself, then he’ll go. The price was loyalty and Peter can do that for now, when Tony doesn’t expect much so he does what little Tony asks and that’s when the gifts start.

He’s not stupid, Bucky was nice at first too, showered him with love and attention, told him all about his life. Tried to endear himself to Peter too quickly, he knows, and played too hard at being perfect to actually be perfect. Hindsight taught him a lot but at the time he’d been young, hadn’t really dated much. He didn’t know what he was getting into and that was probably a draw too. Easier to manipulate younger people than older- the younger ones haven’t been through it enough to know the red flags. Peter was easy prey but he’s not so stupid now, he knows Tony is playing some type of game he just needs to figure it out.

The shoes are nice though, red and gold heels that he actually really likes and if it weren’t for the situation he’d be grateful. But for now he’s sure its some type of trap.

*

Peter was a fucking tough one to crack, took months to get him to let his guard down enough to get him to laugh but Tony thinks its worth it, so worth it. By then he’d started to wear the things Tony gifted him, maybe out of necessity seems how a lot of his clothes were a little worse for wear. Still, it’d been a small victory to see Peter laugh for just a moment before he seemed to realize what he’d done and then the laughter falls away.

It takes longer for Peter to come to him about anything but when he does its to ask permission to spend some time with a friend. Tony doesn’t much care, he already knows Peter will come back, its not like he has anywhere else to go and Tony paid for the lawyer that got him out of the hot water Tony accidentally stuck him in. Peter had asked what he wanted for that but it was Tony’s fault Peter was a suspect in his ex’s murder anyway so its not like he expected anything out of that. It’d been the least that he could do, clean up his own mess for Peter’s sake. But Peter goes to the movie, comes back and seems a little lighter. He asks for permission to hang out with the same friend the next day too and Tony tells him to stop asking for permission, he’s not a damn prisoner he can do whatever he wants.

Peter takes him up on it too, and he wonders if maybe Peter will go if he knows he has the option to. Tony wouldn’t chase after him anyway, Bucky isn’t the first person he’s killed and they both know he did Peter a favor. Peter didn’t mourn for his death even if he was clearly distraught about it happening in front of him.  He doubts Peter will tell anyone about that all things considered.

He always comes back though, and every time he leaves he comes back a little more confident, a little more himself as Tony has come to know him. Slowly he starts to let himself relax and that includes around Tony.

*

“Why are you so nice to me?” Peter asks Tony. They’re at a party neither of them want to be at, which is kind of part of the fun, but the question is strategic. Tony won't do much in public, they never do. Won’t stop anything from happening at home but it does mean Peter is free to ask what he wants right now with minimal repercussions in the moment.

Tony frowns at him, “because you’re a person?” he asks more than states, like Peter’s question confuses him.

He shakes his head though. “You’re not nice to most people,” Peter says. Exceptions are his sister but then anyone would be nice to her with the vibe she gives off. If Peter thought Tony was the dangerous one of the family it’d been because he hadn’t met Natasha yet. He doesn’t know what she’s gotten into but he knows that she’s a hell of a lot worse than Tony ever could be. Other than that he’s nice to his driver, Pepper, and Rhodey. He’s polite to most other people, if barely, but anyone else? He goes from irritated to out and out cruel in seconds and he has no guilt about it either. “So why are you nice to me?” Peter asks him again.

Tony sighs, “because you’ve been through enough,” he says evasively like he actually thinks that matters. Everyone Tony talks to has a history, someone they’ve lost along the way because that’s what happens when you tangle with mafias for too long. He’d think there’s a target on his back but he’s learned that people don’t like to mess with Tony too much. Out of all the other mafias hanging around it seems Tony sits at the top of the heap at least in this part of the world. Peter has had a handful of incidences and every one of those people have turned up dead and in some rather unpleasant ways. People tend to avoid him now, or treat him with a level of respect he doesn’t understand. Sometimes its from people he doesn’t even know.

“That’s not the real reason,” Peter says, pressing his luck he knows but he wants to know why Tony is nice to him. No, needs to know.

For a few long, uncomfortable seconds he thinks Tony will avoid the question again or worse but he doesn’t. “Because you’re beautiful, Peter, and smart, and sweet, and a half a dozen other things that I love about you. And because you deserve better than what you’ve been handed.” Tony walks away after that, leaving Peter to sit with the weird confession. He makes his way to the bar and sits because his feet are sore anyway. He loves those red and gold heels but they’re a pain in the ass to stand in for an extended period of time.

He feels like he’s learned nothing from Tony’s answer and a lot all at once but he choses to leave it alone for awhile. He knows he’s not going to leave Tony’s place, he’s grown used to the meals and the space and he likes it there. Ned is worried about him, so are MJ and Liz, but its been more than long enough for Tony to have gotten comfortable with his presence there. He has yet to try anything and Peter has learned his distaste for domestic violence extends far beyond Peter. He has no patience for it, sometimes even kills them about it but he never takes in anyone like he had Peter.

On the way home Peter sits beside Tony and settles a hand on his thigh. Tony carefully wraps his arm around Peter’ gives him time to pull away but he doesn’t. They stay like that all the way home and its nice, comforting. Peter wants to let himself get used to this but he doesn’t know if he should. Tony isn’t a good man and Peter isn’t sure he’ll always be good to him, good for him.

“You don’t owe me anything,” Tony murmurs as they arrive on the estate. Peter looks up at him and Tony looks dead serious. “You can go, do whatever you want, never speak to me again if that’s what you want. You don’t need to do this.”

Peter knows he’s telling the truth, he can feel it. “I know,” Peter tells him. “I’m here because I want to be.” He doesn’t know its true until he says it but he can feel how much he means it.

*

Tony doesn’t know how the fuck he got so lucky but he’ll take it. He sure shit doesn’t deserve Peter but he can’t bring himself to tell Peter that he deserves better than him, not when he’s curled up in that pretty red dress Tony got him, red and gold heels still on his feet because he’d been too tired to take them off when he came to bed. He’s selfish for keeping Peter to himself but he loves him, has almost since they met. It’d been a feeling then, the kind that he gets every once and awhile that lets him know that he should pursue something.

Now he sees what he’d felt then because Peter is perfect for him. He’s smart, and caring, and he doesn’t shy away from Tony’s dark side maybe because he’d encountered worse. And he’s beautiful with his brown curls, pretty brown eyes and bright smile. Tony never gets sick of seeing him smile or laugh, those reactions were hard fucking won and he’ll be damned if he ever breaks that trust. He doesn’t ever want Peter to suffer the way he had ever again and he will ensure he doesn’t. People learned very fast that Peter isn’t to be trifled with. Usually its Natasha people fear more than him, rightfully so given that she’s fucking nuts and in a cold, calculated way that makes her dangerous rather than unhinged, but mess with Peter and she becomes the preferable option.

Even she’d been surprised by that given that she’s always thought his distaste for murder was irritating at best, cowardly at worst. But Tony doesn’t like the cleanup, takes too much work so if he can avoid it he does. Not with Peter on the line though, he’ll do whatever it is he needs to for Peter to be safe, happy, and healthy. And so far its working well enough that people actively avoid targeting Peter and they’d do well to keep that up.

When Peter stirs Tony feels his stomach flutter. He’ll never get used to being with someone as amazing as Peter but he’ll at least do his best to deserve being with him even if he’s bound to fail. Peter blinks himself awake, looking up at Tony and smiling. “Hey, baby,” he murmurs, stretching out and wrinkling his nose when he realizes he’s still in his heels. He makes a disgruntled noise so Tony shifts his position, moving down the bed and carefully grabbing hold of Peter’s ankle so he can take off his shoes.

“Happy anniversary,” Tony says, smiling a little as he pulls off Peter’s heels.

Peter grins, smile bright. “You remembered!” he says, excited. As if Tony would ever forget something so important.

“Of course I did. Come here,” he says, pulling himself out of bed before he leans over and scoops Peter up in his arms, carrying him to the bathroom.

“You put rose petals in the bath tub!” Peter says, grinning down at the full bath. He’d just been waiting for Peter to get up so he could take Peter to it.

“You said you always wanted to take a bath with rose petals,” Tony says. The way Peter beams is so worth the trouble of plucking the petals off of all those roses. Took forever because he didn’t want to ruin any of the petals, it needed to be perfect for Peter.

“I love you,” Peter tells him, radiating happiness and this is just the beginning. Tony has a whole day planned for them comprised entirely of things Peter has said he’s always wanted to do.

“I love you too, baby,” Tony tells him, setting him down by the tub. “Now, not that I didn’t get you anything for our anniversary, but if you could have anything at all, what would you want?” he asks.

Peter smiles, “I have everything I want and then some, thanks to you.” 

“Baby,” Tony says, raising an eyebrow.

Peter huffs. “Fine, I’ve always wanted to go to Greece,” he says and done.

“I’ll book us a ticket,” Tony tells him. “Now, get in the tub. We’ve got plans today.”

[fortunebuoyed]

canon divergences for the worst muse of my career:

harris wrote a deeply problematic origin story. he wrote a lot of deeply problematic stories into this franchise, but some of the race relations and treatment of women/girls in the backstory is especially sour. it’s honestly in this era leading up to his capture by graham that you’re going to find a lot of my divergence.

ok first off the *rientalist stereotype, not in my fucking house. i am not opposed to his having some female character integral to his character between mischa and clarice, but not like this. if i do include murasaki, it is likely to be a complete rewrite because there’s so much that simply cannot and should not be salvaged by me, a white person. whatever figure i do use if i go ahead with this idea would likely be the ‘mother’ in his schema, just as clarice replaces mischa as the ‘sister’ or ‘daughter’ figure. idk why harris had to add a romantic angle to literally every woman he runs into post-war but i ain’t having it.

hannibal never got his revenge. it’s a pretty pipe dream and was a goal for a younger man, but he never got his catharsis on those who ruined him. they were all either already dead, out of reach, or too powerful for him to pursue. there was no justice on these men, not at our villain protagonist’s hands, at least. his taste for blood and lack of peace came about due to a lack of, rather than as a result of, a chance to avenge mischa.

‘eat the rude’ and ‘nothing happened to me. i happened to me.’ is all just pretty, prideful ways of ignoring his underlying emotional and mental trauma. in his crimes he reenacts this trauma, but in such a way that he is the conqueror rather than the victim. it’s not healthy and it’s almost a compulsion, but he’s still the master of his own destiny and has no excuse for picking victims so arbitrarily. i am not here to excuse this fucker, only to explain where he is coming from as more than ‘cultured grand guignol vampire straight out of a penny dreadful with class anxiety parable asserts his control over the masses.’ it’s both more personal and impersonal than that.

he started experimenting with his mo during university, the odd mucking about with and nibble of a cadaver, the manipulation and control of his peers once he had a solid idea of what he wanted from the, a few fumbling early kills to refine his work. by his final year of schooling, he was experimenting with marrying his interest in the arts in how he arranged and disposed of his victims. i would say by his thirties he had matured into an old world take on the vampire lore, an aristocrat preying on class horror to drain and destroy those he deemed inferior both literally and figuratively. as i play hannibal in his 40s, he definitely has a good handle on how he carries himself and goes about his crimes.

i like to imagine during the early period of his work, there was a young woman, some determined and durable ‘inferior’ who proved her mettle as his equal. just when he might have killed her, he arbitrarily let her go about her life -- foreshadowing of his ‘type’ when it comes to weighing and interacting with women who remind him of what his sister never became. there was no mercy in his actions towards her, merely curiosity and, at the end, a sense of amusement and perceived loyalty that persuaded him to turn her loose.

his moral compass is a fucking roulette wheel, never let anyone convince you my hannibal is anything but deeply unstable when it comes to interacting with others and evil all the way through. you upend what he thinks a situation should be and you become prey. you ‘prove’ yourself to him, however, and you win whatever passes as grace from him for a certain period.

he’s never had a romantic relationship. he tried for something purely physical in his university years and was unmade completely by the realities of lust. not merely enough to stop him in his tracks, the man dressed and left before the evening was consummated. if he was barely curious before he's wholly repulsed with the reality of sex. orgasm is a complete surrender of control, sharing a bed a bond of trust he cannot tolerate.

hannibal is a man that believes he is above animal impulses, even as he kills in attempts to assert dominance and power like an old world apex predator. even consumption of the flesh and hunting of his prey is definitely far more basic than he would ever believe himself to be. i truly believe if anyone made him out to be what he is, pure impulse and a desperate, ingrained need for control to assert his own worth, then he would really let loose and show what he is beneath the mask of genteel composure. whatever hannibal says he is, he is not.

his feelings towards clarice are a many meandering burden upon him, half the determined girl in the snow fighting to survive among the monsters, half the razor-sharp daughter he never had, the protégé he was robbed of by his time behind glass. in some ways, he evens sees a mirror -- his own doomed lamb screams his name in his sleep. he won’t admit to that ‘intimacy,’ however, and so he keeps to the scheme that clarice is a sort of echo of mischa. i do not ship it. i will never present it as romantic on hannibal’s side, and the ending to hannibal can kiss my ass.

likewise with will, while he was the worthy opponent, the only one that could have defeated him, he’s not really aligned to the show’s idea of their relationship. reminder that my muse is purely book based, so i won’t really engage with fuller’s concept of what they were. he thought he found a likeminded individual in graham, certainly, but would never sully it with mere human desire. after the dollarhyde incident, i don’t think he takes much interest in will and his family. he left his mark. he will haunt the three of them for the rest of their lives, and in his escape they will always wait with bated breath for retribution that is never to arrive. 

[unfortunate-stranger-losers]

Six Baudelaires AU, Part Three: Reference Guide

A quick guide for everything I intentionally referenced in The Six Siblings, That’s Not How the Story Goes.

{ao3} {tumblr} {part one reference guide} {part two reference guide}

Without further ado…

Chapter One / Prologue - in which the Baudelaires get lost at the train station 

“We’re dead as heck.” Nick shrugged.

Considering the younger age of the children here, they use much lighter swear words.

Klaus had his hands over his ears, and he looked on the edge of tears. “It’s too loud! It’s too loud!” 

Klaus is overstimulated. 

They were in some kind of shoeshop, and a ginger man glanced at them. “Oh, hello!” he said. “Are you- where are your parents?” [...] “When did you see them last?” [...] “Why don’t you have some snacks? It’s all vegan, if-” 

The shoemaker that helps them out is Drumstick from File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents, who is noted to have made money repairing shoes. 

“Lilac is almost-nine,” Klaus said, “And she’s got two braids cause she wants to be like Wednesday Addams on TV.” 

The Wednesday Addams reference should be obvious, though I should point out that Lilac wants to emulate the 1960s Wednesday, which is the one she’s seen on TV; the older show once again makes the time period ambiguous. 

“Oh my God.” Beatrice was saying. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.” “Kids, are you alright?” Bertrand asked, the second they pulled away. “Did anything happen?” 

Pretty clearly, the Baudelaire parents were terrified that VFD had abducted their children while they were separated. 

“No! No, we’re gonna be fine!” Lilac said quickly. “We just need to find Klaus and Nick. I… I’ve gotta find them. I’m in charge. I’ve gotta find them-” 

Ah, Lilac’s already got Anxiety™.

Rest of the fic under the cut.

Chapter Two - in which Violet saves everyone’s asses

No major references in this chapter. 

Chapter Three - in which Sunny cusses quite a bit

“Their species can completely freeze over in cold temperatures.” Solitude assured him. “So they may stop moving, almost look dead, but they’ll be alright, and they’ll unfreeze when we get somewhere warm. We’ll have to catch them up on whatever happens.”

Babbitt’s based off of a wood frog, which do freeze in low temperatures. 

Also to note: by this point in the fanfiction, Solitude no longer uses babytalk, and instead speaks in full sentences. 

Chapter Four - in which the Baudelaires join the Snow Scouts

“Oh, yes.” Klaus said. “Those snow gnats behaved like Violent Frozen Dragonflies.” “Guys…” Nick whispered, but none of them heard him.

Nick is not a fan of VFD at this point, but his siblings are too busy trying to get help from this scout that they don’t immediately notice his discomfort. 

As her story continued, Nick pulled on Klaus’s sleeve, gesturing that he wanted to talk, but Klaus shook his head; the other Snow Scouts would notice them leaving.

Trying to tell Klaus something about VFD. 

“I mean it.” Nick shook his head. “Things can’t ever go back to the way they were. Even if one- or both- of our parents is up there, and they shove Olaf off a cliff and take us home… it’s not going to be the same. We… we know too much.” His siblings remained silent, processing this, as Nick wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “They won’t protect us.” 

Nick knows how VFD recruits its “volunteers”; his fear is that their parents are alive and consented to them being recruited, and will just turn them over to VFD. 

Chapter Five - in which Nick gets to climb something again 

She hmmed, brushing her bangs out of her face as she considered what she could make with all of this. 

Sunny already has long hair that she’ll need to tie back while thinking, like her big sisters. 

Sunny held out the mug of orange juice, and said, “Aurantiaco,” which meant, “Chip away at the juice until you have shavings, so I can make orange granita.” 

“Aurantiaco” is derived from the Latin adjective “aurantiacus”, meaning “orange.”

Chapter Six - in which Sunny makes a signal 

Quigley gave her a smile, and then looked back down, as the Baudeaires crowded around him- all except Lilac, who was still staring at the smoke. “Well, we’ll have to go back through the Vernacularly Fastened Door, down the Vertical Flame Diversion, hike the path the Snow Scouts are taking- and they might notice we’re gone by now so we’ll have to come up with some excuse, Duncan always said you could never go wrong with an exit pursued by a bear-” 

A reference to a famous stage direction from William Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale.

Chapter Seven - in which Lilac goes feral 

Nick bit his lip and pushed a charred novel back onto the shelf, before moving to scratch his arm.

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM MENTION

Once again, Nick’s arm scratching occurs whenever Olaf or his troupe are mentioned. 

Klaus walked over, too, and he pulled his siblings into a hug. “We’ll protect each other.” he said. “Okay? No sacrificing ourselves, no kidnappings, no separations. No more.” 

Klaus really wants to make sure Lilac doesn’t try to trade herself, like she tried to do with Nick. 

“Lilac, seriously, I can’t breathe-” “Then suffocate.” 

A reference to the popular meme:

“We hate to interrupt!” came Lilac’s voice, and Violet and Quigley turned to see her and the twins run back into the kitchen, “But we found something!”

Lilac: Y’ALL BETTER NOT BE FLIRTING IN HERE

Chapter Eight - in which the Baudelaires raid the fridge 

Solitude looked up. “Sure, hon.”

A reference to the meme:

“I was making them an anniversary present- a map of all the places they’d traveled.” Quigley sighed. “And I never got to tell them that I don’t…” he hesitated, and then said, “I mean, Duncan and Isadora came out to them, but I never told them that whenever I was doing astronomy class and called myself a space ace…” Violet laughed, and Quigley flinched. “No, no, I’m not making fun of you, it’s a good pun, I’ll have to make sure Nick knows it.” 

Quigley and Nick are both asexual. 

“I think my parents found out when I told them I wanted to marry both Elizabeth and Darcy.” Violet smiled. “Lilac and Nick teased me about that for years. I don’t even know if they remember now.” Quigley stared at her. “Holy shit. Vi… I said the same thing.” 

A reference to Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. 

Violet is bisexual, Quigley is biromantic.

Nick slid against a half-collapsed wall, screaming into his lap, hot tears springing to the edge of his eyes and streaming down his face. 

TRIGGER WARNING: PTSD, SELF-HARM

Nick goes away to have a panic attack without his siblings worrying about him; it’s also explained in this segment how his scratching is him desperately trying not to slip into a flashback. 

Chapter Nine - in which Lilac and Nick are very pissed off 

“Nocere!” Sunny said, which meant something like, “I’m alright, they haven’t done anything too bad.”

“Nocere” comes from the Latin verb “noceo”, meaning “to hurt.” 

“Uncus!” “The hook-handed man made it so I didn’t freeze.” 

“Uncus” is the Latin word for “hook.” 

And then she asked, “Senio?” which meant, “Where are the others?”

“Senio” is the Latin word for “six.”

“Nosra,” Sunny said, which meant, “A man with a beard but no hair and a woman with hair but no beard; they’re arsonists who burned down the Headquarters.” 

“Nosra” is “arson” spelled backwards. 

“Coquus.” Sunny said. “I can do that. There’s enough ingredients to make spinach rolls in the trunk, including an eggplant that’s about as big as I am.” 

“Coquus” is the Latin word for “cook.”

“I know, Vi! I know what they’ll do to her, what they’re probably already doing to her!” 

Obvious reference to Nick’s time as a captive, but subtler reference to the fact that Olaf tortured him with the information of what he’d do to each sibling in turn. 

“Yes, she is!” his voice broke. “I was helpless! I thought I wouldn’t be, but I was! And she’s a baby! I was almost thirteen!” Tears streamed down his face, as he pushed her again. “I was almost thirteen, and I was wrong!” 

Reference to a similar line spoken in every All the Wrong Questions book. 

Chapter Ten - in which Nick spills some Bitter Tea 

Title is a reference to Kit’s quote, “Tea should be as bitter as wormwood and sharp as a two-edged sword.” 

“Sure.” Nick said. “We can be Volunteers who want to recruit our innocent little baby. They’ll believe that.” 

A reference to VFD recruitment tactics. 

“Isa had a huge collection of what me and Duncan called ‘goth poetry.’” Quigley said, smiling. “She likes to recite, too. Verbal stim.” 

Isadora (and all the Quagmires in my headcanons) is Autistic. Nick has ADHD and also stims with recitation. 

“It’s not. Snicket’s real. And he…” Nick shivered. “Let’s just say he’s definitely real. Maybe even still alive.” 

“He’s real and he fathered my oldest sister.”

That’s when they heard the crash, and Esme’s scream. They all fell silent for a second, and then Nick let Quigley go. 

An intentional combination of the Book version of this scene - where they decide to warn Esme- and the Netflix - where she traps herself. 

There was a flash of recognition, and then she smirked. “Well, well, well.” she said. “If it isn’t Beatrice’s little angel.” Nick’s hand flew to his necklace, as his glare intensified. “Fancy seeing you here, I thought you were supposed to be smashed at the bottom of the mountains.” 

Something Olaf called him in Chapter Fourteen of Part Two; Nick was very close to Beatrice, whom Olaf and Esme both despise, so you can bet they took a lot of their anger on her out on him. 

“Fancy seeing you here.” Nick said. “I thought you were supposed to be somewhere in the second circle of hell, but I guess you can’t have everything, can you?” 

In Dante’s Inferno, the second circle of hell is the circle of Lust. 

“Why he’s here doesn’t matter.” Nick said, and then he smiled very coldly and said, “What matters is you’re our hostage now, so I’d suggest you shut the fuck up and do what we tell you to do.” 

Was going to make this more obvious in the text but decided against it, so here’s a fun fact: this is something that was said to Nick during is captivity. He’s getting a lot of joy out of saying it to Esme. 

Chapter Eleven - in which Carmelita gets adopted

Nick took a deep breath, and then said, his voice breaking, “Don’t act like I don’t know what you’d do to her. If you have laid a single fucking hand on my sister, there will be hell to pay.”

Once again, a reference to Olaf torturing Nick with information on what he planned to do to the other Baudelaires. 

“Why are you recruiting us, too?” Colette asked, peering from the net. “We already work for you.” 

Changed from Fernald to Hugo, Colette and Kevin in order to explain their absence in TGG.

Esme glared at him. “We don’t need that ugly girl. Having an infant servant was fun.” 

TRIGGER WARNING: CSA MENTION

Esme knows about Olaf’s attraction to Lilac/Violet and is jealous, instead of being, you know, disgusted and horrified. 

Carmelita just smiled and gave Esme a hug. She turned towards Olaf, starting forwards, and just then, Nick thrust Solitude into Violet’s arms and raced ahead of her, pushing her back. 

Even though Nick hates Carmelita, he doesn’t want her suffering like he did. 

Chapter Twelve - in which Lilac is a Disaster Lesbian

“No- she can curl up inside a diving helmet! Aye! The helmets have a tiny door on the neck just for such a purpose! Aye! I’ve seen it done!” 

Though this doesn’t happen in-fic, this did happen in the original book lol. 

“Actually,” Nick sighed, laying his head on Klaus’s shoulder as Soli wriggled around to try and get a good view of the captain, “He’s the researcher, I’m an… well, I…” 

Nick’s having an identity crisis brought on by the PTSD; he’s not sure who he is anymore.

“Come on, Lilac will be fine in a minute.” Nick said, elbowing Klaus. “She just needs to time to adjust. You know. Like Sappho.” 

Sappho - a famous lesbian poet. 

Chapter Thirteen - in which I bang my head against a table because I have to pay attention to Widdershins 

“No, no, we do!” Fiona looked ecstatic, and Lilac let out a squeal as Fiona grabbed her hands. “One of our previous crewmembers, the one who later turned out to be stealing information on VFD headquarters, she stockpiled a shitton- oh, sorry, I mean a lot of coffee.”

The “spy” may-or-may-not have been an anti-VFD Ellington Feint... 

“Now, I’m sure you have lots of questions.” Fiona said as they walked.  “Definitely.” Nick said. “Number one, how d-” 

A reference to the meme/quote from “The Office” (US) 4x11: 

Chapter Fourteen - in which the Baudelaires encounter a Great Unknown

“Let Violet work on the wheel,” Klaus suggested, “And maybe Fiona can help Lilac with the telegraph.”

These kids are gonna get Lilac a girlfriend if it kills them. 

“Don’t worry,” the captain replied, “We’ll find a spouse for the others, too! Aye! Perhaps we’ll find your long-lost brother, Fiona! He’s much older, of course, and he’s been missing for years, but if Klaus can locate the Sugar Bowl he can probably find him! Aye! He’s a charming man, so one of the girls would probably fall in love with him, and then we could have a double wedding! Aye! Right here in the main hall of the Queequeg! Aye! I would be happy to officiate! Aye!” “Okay, well,” Nick said, as everyone stared at each other incredibly uncomfortably and he finally made his way to stand beside Klaus, “That’s not going to happen, for a number of reasons. First of all-” 

First of all, Klaus is gay.

Second of all, Fiona is gay. 

Third of all, Lilac and Fiona are the ones flirting. 

Fourth, everyone’s too young to get married. 

Fifth, Nick is aromantic. 

Sixth, “your older long-lost brother” is not a good phrase to throw around to a group of children who’ve been trying to escape a man who tried to marry Lilac. 

Seventh, your children are not fucking prizes to hand out???

Eighth, what the fuck dude. 

Chapter Fifteen - in which Lilac and Fiona are Gay as Hell 

“I mean, you could call them King stropharia. I just like the scientific names. They’re fun to say.” “Oh, that’s completely valid.” Lilac smiled. “I learned Russian when I was younger just because the boys read Anna Karenina and all the names were fun to say.”

Autistic verbal stims!!

“Lentinula Edodes.” Fiona said, smiling at some fungus growing on a hardwood log. “Also known as Shiitake Mushrooms.” “Shiitake?” “Don’t start.” Fiona giggled. 

It sounds vaguely like “shit.”

Lilac and Fiona returned to the dorms very late, arms linked together as they chatted about a book they’d both enjoyed, about another sugar bowl whose contents were actually very well known.

A reference to We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson.

Nick, meanwhile, was passed out on a chair near the door, almost having fallen over; Lilac recognized this position quickly, from the many times he and Klaus or Violet would sit at the bottom of the stairs waiting for their parents to come home late at night. “He was waiting for us.”

Nick was waiting up to talk to Lilac, probably to tell her about the Snicket Thing. 

She carried him to a bunk, lowering him onto it. “Go back to being five years old, okay?” Lilac whispered, reaching over to grab a blanket. “We’ll lock you in the closet again and then make ice cream towers.” 

“Lock you in the closet” is a reference to the one-shot. 

Ice Cream towers are a reference to the prologue of part two.

Lilac sighed and pulled the blanket over him. “You’ll be okay. You want me to sing?” 

All the references to Lilac singing someone to sleep are reference to the song “Asleep”, performed by Emily Browning, Movie!Violet’s actress. 

“Good or bad cry?” Lilac shut her eyes. “Both.” she admitted. 

Chef’s Salad. 

Chapter Sixteen - in which the Crew goes swimming 

They heard what sounded like a very suspicious watery noise, and Nick said, “If this submarine is flooding, I’ll take one for the team and die first.”

Reference to this line from Part One, Chapter Four: “Do you think if one of us died, the rest’d get transferred somewhere else?” Nick asked, hanging upside-down from the rotting couch. “I’ll take one for the team.”

“Nobody’s dying.” Lilac sighed, not looking him in the eye. 

Nick’s lowkey suicidal remark scared her quite a bit. 

“How about some of us stay here and do more research,” Violet suggested, squeezing Nick’s hand, “And the rest of us look for the Sugar Bowl? I can stay with Nick and try to work with the submarine. Nick, maybe you can dig through books and see if you can find anything on the Gorgonian Grotto, or the Great Unknown, and read it to me while I work.” [...] He’d found something that seemed to be filed under the Great Unknown, but it was probably misfiled as it just talked about a tearoom and a roadster. 

Probably my most blatant reference to Movie!Klaus’s actor, Liam Aiken, narrating the All the Wrong Questions audiobooks. 

“Ekab!” Sunny said, which meant, “I can stay here and cook!” 

“Ekab” is “bake” spelled backwards. 

“I’m sure someone did, aye.” Widdershins waved his hand. “Whoever got assigned the job. Perhaps R, or her daughter, they may have been nearby at the time. Or Larry, aye! We weren’t told about who was in charge of you, just that we needed to document information and track the Sugar Bowl!” 

A reference to Jacquelyn (the Duchess of Winnipeg, making her either R or her daughter) and Larry Your-Waiter following the Baudelaires in the Netflix series. 

“Don’t you worry, Nicholas! Everything’s for the Greater Good!"

While Widdershins usually calls him Nick, he slips up here, much like Poe always does; Nick hates being referred to as Nicholas. 

“Besides, VFD wouldn’t abandon you! Aye! You’d be a great volunteer! You’re a dedicated researcher! Aye! You’re a saint! Aye! You’re an angel! Aye! You’re a-” Nick stared at him in horror, and then said, “I have to go!” and took off running. 

Nick was already put on edge by this victim-blaming conversation,  the revelation that multiple people could’ve helped him, his siblings leaving, the VFD cult stuff, and Widdershins’s constant bullshit, but the use of the word “angel” sets him off the edge; it reminds him too much of being referred to as “Beatrice’s Little Angel.” 

“Okay, so, I found a box of rubber bands.” Lilac sighed, sitting atop a chest. “And half a gun, a broken mirror, what might be a microphone, and a scattered notebook with sketches of some kind of snake.” Solitude peered over her shoulder, her arms full of bottles. “I don’t recognize it.” she said sadly. “Also, it’s not a snake. It’s got legs, see there?” 

Lilac found sketches of the Bombinating Beast. 

Chapter Seventeen - in which Violet doodles 

“Precisely.” Lilac said. “It’s something that’s not a choice at all. Our Mother used to give us Hobson’s Choices. She’d say, ‘Lilac, you can dust the furniture, or I can play polka music all night.’”

A reference to Lemony Snicket’s dislike of polka music in File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents. 

“She’d do that with the others, too.” Lilac recalled. “Violet could clean her room or we’d stand in the doorway and sing Row Your Boat, and Nick could be nice to guests or be made to read that third book about those kids in a maze, and Sunny could have a bath or a pink dress.” 

A reference to The Maze Runner: The Death Cure by James Dashner. I hated the entire series, but the third book was the worst. 

TRIGGER WARNING: Following references for Chapter Seventeen discuss Nick’s self-harm in detail.

She ran a hand over her ponytail, and then she said, “Nick, I will be right back, but you have to promise not to lock the door.” 

She is scared he’ll lock her out and continue self-harming. 

As soon as she was out of Nick’s sightline, she buried her head in her hands, struggling to remain calm. Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out. Help him now, freak out later. You need to help, Vi. Just keep moving. 

Violet knows freaking out in front of Nick will just make him feel worse

Do the scary thing first, get scared later. 

“No come in!” Sunny shouted. “Surprise!” 

Sunny’s preparing Violet’s cake. 

“Nodnaba,” Sunny said, and Violet heard her sliding from the counter. “He and Widdershins stepped out a moment; they’ll be back soon.” 

“Nodnaba” is “abandon” spelled backwards. 

Widdershins and Phil have “stepped out”, and either right now or very soon will be abandoning ship. 

“Crayola,” Sunny said, which meant, “There’s a whole box of markers right here, for writing labels on cannisters. Can you bring them back when you’re done?” 

Very obvious reference to Crayola art supplies.

“Alzatadispalle,” Sunny said, which meant, “Eh, fine, I don’t care about this submarine much anyway.” 

“Alzata di spalle” is Italian for a shrug. 

But she swirled the marker- a light blue color- around her brother’s arm, until there was just a jumble of color. Then, an idea finally coming to her, she took a black marker and drew some squiggles above it, mirroring the shape of their Uncle’s prized snake, the Incredibly Deadly Viper. It felt like a lifetime since they’d seen him.

A reference to Ink swimming through the sea at the end.  

Violet took his hands, squeezing them softly. “When you feel… feel like you want to scratch without an itch, I want you to take these markers and draw where you… where you want to hurt. Do that instead. It should help. And if it doesn’t, I want you to tell me, okay?” 

This is a legitimate coping mechanism for self-harm; drawing on skin with pens or markers. 

Violet waited until he met her eyes, and she admitted, “About two years ago, I asked Father why he had pen drawings on his arm.” 

Bertrand dealt with depression and self-harming tendencies, as well. Violet was the only kid who knew, and only because she asked. 

Chapter Eighteen - in which Solitude catches a cold

“I found a newspaper scrap.” Lilac said. “I, uh, read a bit. Maybe we could discuss what we’ve read while we eat.”

She read the stuff about Fernald starting the fire. 

“Like… ‘poached egg’ means ‘half the battle.’” Klaus said. “Remember when Nick used that metaphor and we punched him for it?” 

A reference to a tangent Lemony went on in this section of The Grim Grotto. 

Soli nodded, passing Klaus the wasabi and Lilac two cannisters, and soon they put on their diving helmets, suiting up for their return journey. Solitude hmmed as Fiona helped her put her helmet back on, saying, “Sand’s inside, I think.” 

The spores.

“Senso-orario,” Sunny said, which meant something like, “I fell asleep in the kitchen, and when I woke up, Phil and Widdershins still hadn’t returned, and now I can’t find them anywhere.” 

“In Senso orario” is an Italian term for “clockwise.” “Widdershins” means “counterclockwise.” 

Chapter Nineteen - in which Olaf is a dick

“Ha ha ha heepa-heepa ho!” came a villainous laugh from the hallway, and within a few moments, Count Olaf entered, dressed in a similar suit of slippery material, only with a portrait of Edgar Guest instead of Herman Melville. “Tee hee tort tort tort!” “No, no,” Violet looked up, giving him a glare. “Don’t do that.”

A reference to me not wanting to write Olaf’s villain laughter for like three chapters.

He stepped closer, putting a hand on Fiona’s chin. Lilac gasped and ran forwards, slapping his arm away. “You must be Fiona.” he said. “Why, you’re all grown up! The last time I saw you, I was trying to throw thumbtacks into your cradle.”  Nick shot up his head, giving Olaf a glare that could have killed him. “Get away from her!” 

OLAF 👏 IS 👏 A 👏 CREEP

Lilac and Violet glanced at each other, and then around, trying to spot an escape route. This, however, was a mistake; Olaf figured out very quickly what they were planning, and before they could do anything, he reached forwards and ripped Nick out of Klaus’s grasp. 

Once again, Olaf knows the kind of effect he has on Nick, and how protective of him the others are, and uses this to his advantage. 

“My henchperson will simply torture the information out of you.” He smirked down at Nick, who was shaking uncontrollably. “Isn’t that right?” Nick didn’t respond, barely keeping himself from sobbing. 

Nick’s been captured again, with his siblings. Olaf is taunting him, heavily implying that he’s going to follow through on his threat to torture Nick’s siblings in front of him before killing him. 

“Umore,” Sunny said, which roughly translated to, “God, that’s a mood.” 

“Umore” is an Italian word for “mood.” 

“What did we tell you, you little beast?” she hissed. “You can’t get away from us.” 

Most of Nick’s worst trauma came from “punishments” from when he tried to escape, which is why he panics whenever they’re about to be caught. 

“Holy fuck,” said a girl at the oars, “What the hell is wrong with you all?” 

Not really a reference but I just want to point out that none of these recruits have any context for this so they’re probably just. seeing all these crazy shits saying whatever they want 

“I’m getting tired of this.” Olaf said, waving his sword and gesturing at Nick. “You all get to see the first brig, it’s deluxe, as it comes with a noose. I think we should put this one in the second brig for-” 

A reference to Netflix’s The Vile Village: Part Two. 

“I think,” Olaf said, pressing his sword against Nick’s throat, “We should put those two little rebels in with our little Nick.” Nick finally started to cry, tears streaming down his face as he almost collapsed, and Violet shouted, “You bastard! Leave them alone!” 

Once again, Olaf’s planning on following through on the threats that scared Nick so badly. Violet, the only one who knows about what Olaf threatened him with, is the first to start panicking. 

Chapter Twenty - in which Lilac leads a jailbreak 

The title itself is a reference to Chapter Sixteen of Part One: in which Solitude leads a jailbreak. 

Her younger brother finally pulled away, but only to run off to the corner of the small brig, where he leaned over and vomited onto the floor, barely keeping his own balance. Lilac jumped to her feet and dragged him towards the wall, as he shook more and clung to her arm. [...] Nick shuddered beside her, and he finally choked out, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” 

Nick knows exactly what Olaf’s threatening, and he’s falling back into a pure traumatized state; he doesn’t think they can escape, he thinks he’s going to die while Olaf torments his siblings, and nothing is going to stop him. 

“I…” Lilac slid onto a hard bench, where Nick sat beside her and refused to stop clinging to her side. “I glanced at the locks on our way in. They’re ordinary enough pin-tumbler locks, so- hold on a moment. Nick, Nick, please-” 

A reference to a repeated phrase in When Did You See Her Last?

And then Lilac quietly sang, “Pretty when the window blows, I love my tree in autumn… Like I love my tree in summer, like I love my tree in winter… They put me in a room, and I thought of you in autumn…” She shut her eyes, humming the next line, and then she picked up again. Fiona kept working on the lock, and Nick kept clinging to Lilac, terrified to let go, and she kept singing. “Pretty when you sing me a new song in autumn, or a new song in winter, or a new song in summer…” 

The song is “Pretty When The Wind Blows”, sung by Emily Browning, Movie!Violet’s actress. 

The line she hums is one that would definitely not cheer Nick up - “And I’m sad I won’t see you again.” 

Violet leapt in front of her siblings, and Klaus reached out to grab Sunny, who honestly didn’t look too worried. 

Sunny is friends with Fernald, she knows he won’t do anything to them. 

“We could pretend the Great Unknown showed up and is about to eat everyone.” Violet said. “I’m sorry, do you have a small black statue that can imitate its call?” Fernald said. “Why would I-” 

A reference to Violet and Klaus’s escape in Netflix’s The Grim Grotto: Part Two.  

A reference to the Bombinating Beast statue from All the Wrong Questions.

“Smelled like horseradish.” Sunny nodded. 

Sunny, the chef, would remember.

Chapter Twenty-One - in which Fiona is Volatile 

“I-” Nick stuttered. “I know TS Eliot.”  “Macavity,” Sunny said, which meant, “Wasn’t that from your musical phase?”

A reference to a song/character from Cats the Musical, based on a poetry book by TS Eliot.  

“I’ll make this simple.” Olaf smiled. “I could torture you until you tell me, or we can trade information- or a lack of information, if you so prefer.” Then, in a sickly sweet voice, he called, “Nick?”  [...] “We don’t make deals with bastards.” Lilac crossed her arms. Olaf smirked, eyeing her in a way that made her incredibly uncomfortable. “Interesting choice of words, my dear Lilac.” Nick sat up, horrified, as Olaf took a step closer to his oldest sister, and then he shouted, “It’s in the kitchen!” 

TRIGGER WARNING: CSA MENTION

Nick is terrified of Olaf hurting/assaulting Lilac, as well as outing her as Snicket’s daughter to everyone. 

Sunny sighed and said, “Cruciatu,” which meant, “Can they kill us now?” 

“Cruciatu” comes from the latin verb “crucio”, meaning “to torture.” 

“I’ll be fine. If we get caught, we have a potential escape plan that involves a seaside town, a train, and a vineyard.” Fiona said. “And releasing a bunch of wild new recruits to perform chaos.” 

Firstly, a reference to the Thistle of the Valley train that goes out of Stain’d-by-the-Sea.

Secondly, a reference to Netflix’s The Grim Grotto: Part Two. 

As she moved slowly towards the controls, Violet at her heels, Nick curled up on his chair, and he whispered to himself, “But they were fucked up in their turn, by fools in old-style hats and coats… who half the time were soppy-stern…” He hugged Solitude very close, shutting his eyes and trying not to think about everyone who had left. “And half at one another’s throats.” 

The poem later recited by Olaf in The End - “This Be the Verse” by Philip Larkin. 

“Mr Poe,” Klaus said, looking from the taxi to Poe, “Have you ever heard of a Hobson’s choice?” 

“You can either get in the taxi, or go with Mr Poe.”

The woman smiled at Lilac, as if she’d asked the right question. 

Another All the Wrong Questions reference. 

Chapter Twenty-Two - in which Kit cannot drive

“So,” Nick said, kicking his feet and glancing down at Soli, “Are we in agreement that we are ‘fucked’, a word which here means, ‘holy shit’?”

Obvious reference to Lemony Snicket’s way of defining words. 

They looked to each other, thinking hard. “Well,” Lilac finally said, “In the few minutes we’ve known her, Kit Snicket has broken at least nine safety laws, driven into a hedge, and seems intent on recruiting us to spy for a secret organization.” “I like her.” Violet decided. “Me, too.” Klaus added. “Same!” Sunny said. 

A reference to similar lines in Netflix’s The Penultimate Peril: Part One. 

“Mother said she purchased it during intermission.” Lilac said. “She said it was the most interesting time she’d ever had at the opera, and she never wanted to forget it.” “I’m sure it was interesting.” Nick muttered, curling up a little.

Nick knows about the murder.

She moved behind Lilac, tying back her hair for her. “You look just like your father.” Kit sighed, not noticing the flinch Nick made as he reached for some food to pass to Soli. [...] “Really?” Lilac asked, smiling a little. She’d never told that she looked like her parents. 

She looks like Lemony.

Violet and Nick shared a quiet look, one that their siblings didn’t quite understand, but the two of them read perfectly.

Violet and Nick, after Widdershins’s shit, are very anti-VFD. 

“That’s fine.” Lilac assured her, reaching for a cup. “I like my coffee bitter.” “That is surprising.” Kit said absent-mindedly, still looking through papers.

Considering Lilac is Lemony’s daughter, and Lemony doesn’t like coffee (All the Wrong Questions), this comes as a surprise to Kit.

“That’s why you’ll be together.” Kit said, putting her hand gently over Nick’s. “I’ve received reports on your progress, Baudelaires, and while I haven’t been able to reach you, I have seen that you take care of your own.” [...] Kit gave them all a reluctant and sad smile, and then repeated, almost to herself, “You Baudelaires take care of your own.”

A reference to a line from When Did You See Her Last?: “We Snickets take care of our own.” 

Chapter Twenty-Three - in which the Baudelaires enter the Hotel Denouement 

Nick bit his lip, thinking about everything. VFD. The secrets. The Sugar Bowl. That reminded him of a book Lilac read him. “We’ll live on the moon.” he said quietly, his voice almost blank. “And we’ll have flying horses.” God, he wished he was still young enough to believe that.

A direct reference to We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson.

When it was time to go in, Klaus and Lilac immediately threw their hands over their ears.

Overstimulation. 

Exactly six bells were ringing- the extra bell, 371, 547, 674, 781 and 954. 

371 - Dewey Decimal Classification (DDC) Education and Social Sciences. 

547 - DDC for Organic Chemistry; Colette’s mission involves her sneaking in here. 

674 - DDC for Lumber processing. 

781 - DDC for Jazz is 781.65; Ellington’s career has something to do with jazz.  

954 - DDC for India and neighboring countries; it’s an Indian restaurant. 

Chapter Twenty-Four - in which the first three bells ring 

The woman smiled, and while Lilac did not recognize the white coat or black uniform underneath, she did recognize the woman standing in front of her, even though she wasn’t bending in any unusual positions. [...] “You see, I am a brilliant chemist, as you can tell from my outfit, but I’m afraid some of these fumes have gone to my head, and I’m having trouble recognizing some words here.” 

A reference to Cleo Knight, the brilliant chemist from All the Wrong Questions, who only wears black-and-white to honor the family ink business. 

“I told you they’d judge us.” Kevin said. “I should’ve just called up my old gangmate.” “She wouldn’t have gotten here in time, she lives on the other side of-” Hugo began. 

A reference to the theory that Kevin is Kevin Old from File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents; his “gangmate” would be Florence Smith, who had a special interest in reading and thus have a large vocabulary. 

Lilac narrowed her eyes. She recognized the chemical compounds- her and Violet had gone through a celebrity crush phase on a chemist about three or four years before- but she was having trouble figuring out what they combined into. “What is this for?” 

Another reference to Cleo Knight. 

He doodled the shape of a pegasus on his arm, beside the moon. He remembered that book. What else had Merricat thought would be on the moon? Rose petals. He could draw roses next. 

Once again, a direct reference to We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson.

“Can I help you, concierge?” Hal asked. “Um.” Nick froze a moment, panic clutching his chest. You’ve been caught! You’ve been caught! You’ve been caught! 

Once again, Nick is immediately put into a panic by being caught, due to his trauma from his captivity. 

Chapter Twenty-Five - in which the next three bells are answered 

The door swung open just as Klaus stepped back, and he saw Charles exit, blinking over at him in a bathrobe. “Sorry,” he said, “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to call someone just to take me down the hall, but my eyesight isn’t what it used to be, and I’ve recently developed a phobia of optometrists.”

This entire scene is based on a scene that had to be deleted from the Netflix adaptation due to Rhys Darby (Charles) being stranded because of a hurricane during filming. It can be read here. 

“Don’t step on the crack, or you’ll fall and break your back!” Soli sang, laughing a little as she jumped down to Room 781, trying to imitate Babbitt’s hops.

While this is a slight variation on a popular children’s game song, it’s specifically a reference to the scene between Ducky and Littlefoot in The Land Before Time.

The woman looked at her very, very carefully, and then said, “It’s alright. That’s a fake, anyway.” “Fake what?” Solitude turned to look at the statue, as the woman knelt to put it back. “It looks like a snake, but there are those little claw-shapes there, suggesting hands.” “Well, it’s a replica, made by my foster-brother-in-law’s sister-in-law. Just in case we need to switch out.” “Switch out what?” The woman glanced down at Solitude, smiling and brushing the young girl’s hair back; it had fallen a little from her hat. “It’s a long story, and you probably have work to do. I’m sure you have more important things to get to.” 

The woman is clearly Ellington Feint from All the Wrong Questions; she is still very into Jazz music (hence her room), and may-or-may-not have access to the Bombinating Beast statue. 

Her foster-brother-in-law (Kellar)’s sister-in-law is Ornette Lost, implying Ornette married Lizzie Haines. 

Solitude blinked. This woman couldn’t know her; Soli didn’t recognize anything about her, except the record currently playing. She hesitated, and then pointed to the record, saying, “That’s a pretty song.” The woman smiled slightly. “It is, isn’t it? Do you know the name?” “Do you?” 

The song is “Solitude” by Duke Ellington and Louis Armstrong; aka Ellington’s song in All the Wrong Questions. 

“Really?” the woman sighed. “Okay, sweetheart, you run along. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to find my wife before she can fistfight Geraldine Julienne in the lobby.” 

Her wife is Moxie Mallahan, a journalist who would definitely get kicked out of the hotel for fighting Geraldine Julienne. 

“Plumber,” Sunny said, which meant, “Yeah, but she writes those shitty articles from The Daily Punctilio about us, so she deserves it.”  “I thought that was Ms Poe.” Soli said confusedly. 

A reference to Katherine Plumber, the journalist from the musical Newsies.

A reference to Eleanora Poe and Geraldine Julienne being combined into one character in the Netflix adaptation. 

“Klaus Louis Baudelaire, are you suggesting that we have not been having a good time?” Nick said. 

Klaus’s middle name is taken from his actor, Louis Hynes.

“I mean,” Nick said, considering, “The whole ‘VFD’ thing totally explains that weird-ass letter they sent us from Europe.” “What?” Lilac narrowed her eyes. “You remember?” Nick said. “When they went to Europe for, like, two weeks, and sent us that fucked-up letter about how they loved us and that even if life sucked we’d always have each other and all that bullshit?” Lilac, Violet and Klaus groaned. “Oh, fuck, you’re right!” Klaus said. “That makes so much sense now.” Lilac said. 

A reference to “The Letter That Never Came” scene from the 2004 film. 

Chapter Twenty-Six - in which the harpoon is fired

The Baudelaires sighed, and then Nick said, “Yeah, a little suspicious, isn’t it? Your parents burned to death the same night VFD saw fit to drag you all out.”

Highkey reference to the theory that Volunteers kill the parents who don’t want to give their children up for recruitment. 

Violet nodded grimly, while Lilac and Klaus gave Nick careful looks, and Solitude and Sunny gasped quietly. Dewey scanned him with his eyes. “You would get along with Ernest.” he said finally. 

The implication here is that Ernest joined the firestarters partially due to speculation about their parents’ murder, or at the very least, Ernest is incredibly critical of the way VFD is run.  

“You can’t rely on associates.” Count Olaf said. “More comrades have failed me than I can count. Why, Hooky and what’s-her-face double-crossed me just yesterday and let you brats escape, and then stole my submarine!” “Good for her.” Sunny said, almost unfazed, too furious at Olaf to feel much fear at the moment. 

A reference to the meme from Arrested Development:

“How do you know us?” Lilac asked, putting an arm around Violet. The man looked at her sadly. “That’s the wrong question.”

A reference to All the Wrong Questions. 

Chapter Twenty-Seven - in which Nick finally spills 

“Diviso?” Sunny asked, which meant, “What if they try to split us up?” 

“Diviso” is a Latin adjective meaning “divided.”

Chapter Twenty-Eight - in which Everything Goes to Shit 

The title is a reference to many of my other fanfictions: In the Stranger Things Superhero AU fic Shatter: Pirouette in the Dark, Chapter Nine was titled “Everything Goes to Shit”, and Chapter Thirty was titled “I already used the title ‘Everything goes to shit’ but I need to use it again”, and people thought that was so funny that it became a running joke in basically all of my fics. 

“Lilac Emily Baudelaire.” “Violet Malina Baudelaire.” “Nick Liam Baudelaire.” “Klaus Louis Baudelaire.” “Solitude Theodora Baudelaire.” “Sunday Theo-dora Bau’elaire!”

The first four children have their middle names from their original actors- Emily Browning, Malina Weissman, Liam Aiken and Louis Hynes.

Solitude and Sunny’s middle names are both Theodora, to further confuse people as to what the S stands for. See: S Theodora Markson, All the Wrong Questions

Nick took a moment to respond. “E-Explorer?” 

Identity crisis! Getting a bit better though. 

“He murdered…” Lilac bit her lip. “He murdered Jacques Snicket!” 

Lilac’s realizing here that that was her uncle. 

They all turned to look at Olaf, who didn’t even look uncomfortable. They wanted him to be uncomfortable. They wanted him to be scared. 

A reference to a line from Shouldn’t You Be In School?: Someone cleared their throat and we both looked back at a tall, masked figure, watching us calmly. Too calmly, I thought. I wanted him worried.

Sunny and Soli were crying, too. “Audit,” Sunny said, meaning, “People never listen to children.” 

“Audit” comes from the Latin verb “audio”, meaning “to listen.” 

They stood up, with Nick lifting Solitude and Violet moving to lift Sunny, and then they walked back together, holding their heads high and ignoring the stares and whispers and chills. They sat again in the front row, still holding onto each other and refusing to let go. 

“Bene?” Sunny asked. “Is that good?”

“Bene” is the Latin word for “good.”

The elevator shot down to the basement, and as it did, Nick and Violet leapt onto Olaf, pummeling him with their fists and trying to rip Justice Strauss away. Olaf shouted, and Lilac and Klaus immediately jumped help, managing to pull Justice Strauss out of his grip as Soli and Sunny screeched and started biting at his ankles, with Babbitt jumping over to the judge so they didn’t get squashed. The siblings had been waiting for this a long while, and they weren’t going to waste time. 

a reference to the original shitpost that inspired this au. 

Chapter Twenty-Nine - in which Sunny turns to Arson 

“Alexandria,” Sunny said, which meant, “Unless she has a backup, you son of a bitchass motherfucker.”

A reference to the Library of Alexandria. 

Chapter Thirty - in which the Baudelaires have had ENOUGH

“And the only fucking reason,” Lilac said, sitting up and grimacing as her stomach wound flared up, “That we haven’t thrown you overboard already is that we might need bait to catch larger fish to eat.”

A slight reference to “Shipwrecked�� by The Gothic Archies, which was inspired by The End. 

“Cazzo,” Sunny said, which meant, “Which won’t be long, dickhead.” 

“Cazzo” is an Italian curse word.

Chapter Thirty-One - in which Nick is not taking Ishmael’s bullshit 

“You cannot force me to wear white.” Lilac said.

A reference both to Lilac being incredibly goth, and to her trauma from the Marvelous Marriage, where she was forced into a wedding dress. 

Nick said. “Listen up, you- someone cover Friday’s ears.” Klaus reached forwards and slammed his hands over Friday’s ears. “Alright. Listen up, you bitchass motherfucker.”

I’VE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT, SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG IS A BITCHASS MOTHERFUCKER-

“I was drugged up once, it’s not fun.” 

I left this to be interpreted in separate ways: one, like Duncan guessed in Part Two: Chapter Twenty, Nick was drugged as part of his torture. Two, like Klaus said in Chapter Twenty-Four, Classical Literature Camp was wild. 

“Yeah, it’s not.” Violet agreed. 

Reference to her being drugged in The Hostile Hospital. 

Chapter Thirty-Two - in which the Baudelaires make camp 

“I feel like we weren’t supposed to do that.” Violet said, as they walked away from the beach.

A reference to me going very off-book. 

Sunny nodded, as they placed them in front of her. “Crusoe,” Sunny said, which meant, “We can drink the milk inside, so long as we don’t allow it to ferment, and I can make us toasted coconut flakes, if you give me some room around the fire.” 

A reference to Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe.

“Sandstone,” Sunny said, meaning, “Can someone get me something like a bowl?” 

A reference to her first line in the Netflix series: “Can you find a rock that’s not sandstone?” 

They were silent again, and then Lilac said, “Um, speaking- speaking of hard things to tell- oh.” 

She was going to tell them about her biological father. 

Nick’s face fell. “You’re right, we don’t wanna kidnap.” 

Don’t wanna emulate VFD.

Chapter Thirty-Three - in which the Baudelaires begin to heal 

“Wait.” Friday narrowed her eyes. “Bears don’t live on beaches.” “I know!” Klaus laughed. “Shakespeare had no geographical knowledge whatsoever.”

Once again, a reference to a famous stage direction from William Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale.

“Yeet!” Violet shouted, as she threw herself beside her siblings, and after a second, Lilac flopped over, too. 

A reference to the vine/meme. 

Chapter Thirty-Four - in which Friday goes off-book 

“Kit Snicket?” Lilac shouted. “No, Kit Kittredge.” Solitude sighed.

A reference to the American Girl doll, Kit Kittredge.

Friday sighed and stood up, taking a few steps forwards. She looked at her mother, and her mother’s outstretched arms, and then out at the crowd. Watching her. Waiting for her to listen. And then she stepped back. “No,” she said. “No, I don’t think so.” 

A quick rundown of Friday’s mentality here. 

Chapter Thirty-Five - in which the Baudelaires plan a mutiny 

Klaus nodded. “Cinderella. East of the Sun and West of the Moon. The Juniper Tree. Little Match Girl- might skip that one, actually. Do you want to try to read it?”

Skipping “The Little Match Girl” because she dies at the end. 

“Suit yourself.” said Olaf. “But you know what? I bet those islanders won’t let you back onto Olaf-Land, now that you’ve recruited one of their own.” 

Intentional use of the word “recruit” here, just to taunt them. 

Chapter Thirty-Six - in which we go surprisingly more off-book 

“I know this.” Nick was the first one to move, stepping towards a tall fish statue, the red paint slightly peeling. He shook quite a bit as he ran a hand over it, and Klaus rushed over to put an arm around him. “We were trapped in here. How… how did we fit in here? Klaus, how did we fit?”

A reference to the fact the Red Herring statue can be seen in the arboretum in the Netflix adaptation. 

Nick turned to Klaus, eyes wide. “We did fit? We were in here? I didn’t make that up?”

A very lowkey reference to We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson; Uncle Julian sometimes doubts the traumatic arsenic incident that paralyzed him and killed the rest of the family really happened. 

Chapter Thirty-Seven - in which Lilac has a costume change 

“Why would I-” Violet asked as Lilac grabbed a knife, drew it up to one of her braids, and chopped it off. Violet leapt to her feet and gasped, while Nick’s dropped his marker in shock. Soli and Sunny let out tiny shrieks, as Friday stared and Klaus said, “Lilac!” “I need to think.” Lilac said, and she grabbed another braid and chopped it off. “And this hair is getting in my way!” “Lilac-” Klaus started forwards, but she held up a hand to stop him, and then grabbed her loose hair and started cutting. Her braids fell to the floor of the tree, as she kept cutting to get rid of the strands that could reach her face. Within a few moments, her hair was cut even shorter than the boys’, with only a small, thin braid on the side of her head.

Firstly, a reference to the fact the dramatic haircut is my favorite trope of all time. 

Secondly, specifically and heavily inspired by the scene in IT: Chapter One when Beverly Marsh cuts her hair. 

“Oh, fuck yeah! Deus ex Rana to the rescue!” Klaus said, rushing over first. 

“Rana” is the Latin word for “frog.” 

Chapter Thirty-Eight - in which the Medusoid causes a ruckus 

“Hey!” Lilac shouted, stepping forwards. “What in the nine circles of hell is going on here?”

A reference to Dante’s Inferno. 

“So are you, my dear.” Olaf said. He eyed her with his shiny eyes. “Why’d you do that to your hair? It makes you look much less pretty.” 

Unfortunately, another reference to Beverly’s haircut in IT: Chapter One: this was the response it elicited from her abusive father. 

Chapter Thirty-Nine - in which man hands on misery to man 

Solitude looked to her, narrowing her eyes, a seemingly insignificant memory floating back to her. “Question mark.” she said, “Beast.”

When she realizes some stuff about Ellington’s statue. 

Kit looked at her, and Lilac saw in her eyes that her choice not to take the apple had nothing to do with her child. 

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE 

It’s often theorized in canon, and confirmed in this fic, that Kit was suicidal, which was why she decided not to take the apple.

Chapter Forty - in which the Baudelaires go on together 

“We didn’t.” Sunny said, putting a hand on Lilac’s leg. “We have each other.”

A callback to “We lost everything.” “Except each other.” 

“We don’t need to escape.” Violet said. She turned to Lilac. “Do you remember that musical, based on that movie, based on that movie, based on that book-”

The song they proceed to sing, “Finale”, is from the musical The Hunchback of Notre Dame, which is based on the Disney movie, which takes a lot of inspiration from the 1939 film, which was based on the Victor Hugo novel.

Also I made a gifset with those lyrics and I’m still very proud of it. 

“I know.” Violet nodded. “I… I guess we can’t lock you in the closet anymore, huh?” Her smile only lasted a few seconds. “I’m sorry. Just trying to cheer you up.” 

A reference to the one-shot. 

They never told Bea she had the same shine in her eyes as her father. She didn’t need to know. 

Bea is biologically Olaf’s daughter. 

Solitude found all the herpetology books, which Klaus and Friday read to her. She furnished Babbitt’s habitat, and let her hair grow out so that she could braid it.

Just like her big sister Lilac. 

“A statue normally wouldn’t mean anything,” Violet had told Friday, “But, well, Nick found some interesting accounts, didn’t you, Nick?” “Li’s Dad is a wordy motherfucker,” Nick said, tossing a file that had been slipped into a bowl of honeydew melons, “But yeah, I did.” 

Huge reference to All the Wrong Questions. 

Chapter Forty-One / Epilogue - in which Beatrice leaves the island

“Well, maybe we only have to last a year until Lilac turns eighteen, and then we spend our fortune on pop tarts and Pokémon cards.” Solitude said.

A reference to this Alex Hirsch tweet:

“We’ll have to come up with fake names.” Solitude giggled. “I’ll be Sensible.” “You will not, I called dibs!” Sunny shouted.

A reference to Netflix!Sunny’s name in @ornettelosts‘s Nine Baudelaires AU. Love ya, Sammie! :D

“I still wanna know how Babbitt had-” Nick began, but Klaus slapped a hand over his mouth. 

“I still wanna know how Babbitt had sex.” 

Lilac ran her hands over the title. “Yeah. Let’s leave this behind.” She smiled and said, “Time to go. Sound off! One!” 

They’re leaving their series of unfortunate events behind. 

Lilac smiled and said, “Let’s go find something new.” 

There’s always something. 

Perhaps, in ten years, Beatrice would have a much happier message for her uncle than he expected.

A reference to The Beatrice Letters and, lowkey, the happier version of it in Netflix’s adaptation of The End. 

[passionpluto]

Rumors (IYGALL Future Side Story)

(This is a bit more of a Lopoddity-style short story that would go with a picture if I could draw decent enough. Not quite a oneshot, but a bit of IYGALL angst I’ve been wanting to write for awhile.)

Life in the Pommel house was equal parts complicated and beautiful. From what little Trailblazer knew of his complex living situation, he and his older sisters had two different mothers, three different fathers, and yet somehow shared one home. To Trailblazer, this was the way all families operated. Somepony would find themselves in a bind or leave this world, and somepony else would come to take their slack. Coco and Cameo were everypony’s moms, and Scene was everypony’s dad. They all lived together as if they were all they had, and never mentioned their past parents once.

Trailblazer had always assumed that his oldest sister Bambi’s father had died just as the other lost father of the family had. But all it took was one short visit, and an absolute whirlwind of a night, to disprove that.

****

Every month or so, Bambi would don her best clothes and go out for what she claimed was her “spying game.” Trailblazer had always begged to go with her on one of these investigative journalism adventures of hers, but she’d always said the same thing—it was just too dangerous for a colt like him. But the more she pursued this issue, the more he lay in wait, and one month, he finally worked up the courage to follow her to her secret spot.

When he trotted into the lavish mansion that looked more like a castle than anything he’d ever seen, his ears perked up. Nothing about this place seemed like the sorts of shady areas Bambi wrote recurring columns about. In fact, everything about it seemed glistening, and beautiful, and safe. Ponies danced around an ornate stage like ballerinas inside music boxes, and for a moment, Trailblazer felt as though he was transported straight into a storybook. He was only eight at the time, but he’d already spent enough time watching the dancers from his parents’ Bridleway performances and taking lessons of his own that he was sure he could blend in.

And, for a short while, he did. For just those passing moments, he felt himself swept away in the sort of world foals could only dream of. But when a group of strangely threatening rich ponies spotted him, he could already feel the dream ending before his very eyes.

“You’re lucky to have your mother’s eyes, you know,” one of them said to him, as though she was simply discussing a mundane bit of gossip. “You look so much like her that nopony would ever suspect a thing. If you had just a bit more of your father in you, we would have to run you out of town, and that wouldn’t bear well for us, would it?”

With a sinking feeling, Trailblazer realized exactly why Bambi kept sneaking out here in the first place—whoever these ponies were, they had some sort of bone to pick with his father. He had absolutely no idea what he’d done to deserve such anger, but he sure as Tartarus wasn’t about to stand for it.

The others simply laughed in his face and told him that everything he had ever known had been wrong. His father wasn’t Scene Stealer, Bridleway’s most famous director. He and Bambi had the same father, and that was when it all clicked. Scene had taken him in just like he’d taken Babs in after her father died. But even that spot of hope faded in a few fleeting moments.

“Oh, he’s alive, but we spend every moment of every day wishing he was dead. That’s the kind of trash your real father is. Such a disgrace that not even your own mother will admit to being with him. So what makes you think we’ll accept his son?”

“Y-You accepted Bambi, didn’t you?” he croaked. “What makes me any different?”

“Back then, we didn’t know any better, and now we do. There’s nothing a son of Mosely Orange can do for our family, except ruin it. Remember that the next time you dare to show your face here, or we’ll make you.”

And then, like a stroke of lightning, the group left, returning to their regular idle rich performances. By the time they looked back towards where the colt had been, he had already ran crying into the night.

****

By the time he came back, the house—or whatever passed for one in their tight little corner of Manehattan—was almost completely deserted. While Trailblazer wasn’t quite mad at Scene for not revealing the truth—he was old enough to know that sometimes lies were needed to avoid a painful truth—he was nonetheless relieved to see that the pony he had called father was absent. He was just about to go straight to his room so he could keep it in the dark for as long as he feasibly could when his sister Babs confronted him.

“Seriously, where were you?” she said, more concerned than angry.

“At the Orange place. I followed Bambi there.”

Babs shook her head in mild disappointment before turning her glance to her brother and the tears dappling his cheeks.

“Figures. They ain’t as bad as they used to be, but I swear they’re still some of the nastiest sonsofbitches this side of Manehattan. And you know that’s sayin’ a lot!”

Trailblazer chuckled a little at hearing this, remembering the stories his parents told about how you could practically make a life savings out of all the times Babs put bits in the swear jar when she was young. These days, there wasn’t too much to be done about it, since she was a full-grown working pony with a marefriend and an education. But even then, she still stayed, supposedly because she hadn’t had a real family for so long, probably because she liked having a younger brother to tease, and definitely because she loved that brother more than her street cred let her show.

“I’d say you shouldn’t go back there, but I don’t think ya need to be told twice. They say they like to steal away foals who spy on them one too many times.”

Trailblazer expected to see the same teasing glint in his sister’s eyes that she often had when she was telling him these sorts of stories, but something about it felt...hollow. Almost as if she was every bit as scared of the possibility, or possibly even moreso.

“Um, actually, can we talk about something?” Trailblazer hesitantly piped in. When Babs nodded, he continued, “I saw some ponies who told me not to come back. ‘Cause my dad’s not who I think he is, or somethin’. They said Scene’s not—“

The fear Babs had before had morphed into something else entirely now, something that Trailblazer couldn’t quite put his hoof on. Something about it felt more pained somehow in a way he couldn’t describe. For the slightest of moments, she stayed the sassy, confident mare he’d always known, but for the first time in his life, he saw that side of her turn off.

“If they told you what I think they did, I’ll kick their ass! All of theirs! Just like I did years ago! They...they really haven’t changed.”

With a note of hesitation, she whispered, “That’s why I don’t go to any of their things. They fed me the same crap about my pops and tried to lure me back in when I was useful to them. Except I got the feelin’ that what they told you was wrong on top of that.”

Trailblazer just couldn’t understand this whole obsession with fathers, as if family could be graded like students could. Most of it went over his head, but he still got the feeling that his idea of a good dad was way different than theirs.

“All they said was that my dad hurt them real bad. And I think they blame me.”

“First of all, that ain’t right. The stallion who hurt the Oranges more than anything didn’t have anypony to blame but himself. He ain’t somepony I like to talk about, even now, but he was a flankhole, pure and simple. But more importantly, he ain’t your pops, Blaze.”

“But they said—“

“Look at this logically for a sec. You’re the brightest blue unicorn I’ve ever seen, and that’s all Scene. You’re always willing to help anypony who needs it. You’re actually willin’ to take on your dreams, and you don’t care what anypony else thinks of ‘em. You don’t have a drop of him in you. Just another stupid rumor, okay?”

In his short life, Trailblazer had already become quite acquainted with rumors. It was only natural for the son of two showponies. But he also knew that sometimes, against all logic, they could still be true.

“So Mosely isn’t my father?”

Babs recoiled in response and gave her brother a horrified glance that said a thousand words.

“Don’t ever say those words together again,” she told him. “They’re true, sure, but I don’t even like thinkin’ about what it’d be like if it wasn’t. But if you want real proof that you could never be his son...Mosely was in love with our mama. He even proposed to her, but she still turned him down. She hated everythin’ he stood for, and the way he hurt me. When she had to choose between me and Mosely, she saved my life. She’d never back down from that, not in a thousand years. That’s the real reason I hate that rumor, you know. She’s the last pony who’d betray you for a stallion.”

Trailblazer nodded in understanding, filled with admiration for his parents mixed with something else. Pity for his sister, for what little he knew of what she had gone through. For the first time in his life, he recognized that Babs may not have always been given the same love he’d taken for granted.

But by the time he worked up the courage to ask her, all she had said was, “Maybe someday. When you’re older.”

Trailblazer had the distinct feeling that really meant “when I’m strong enough to tell you.”

Some additional notes:

—Trailblazer’s birth came with many complications and was a close call for both the colt and his mother. Coco received the worst of it and had to be hospitalized for awhile before coming back home. Trailblazer himself healed fairly quickly, but will never quite have the magic level of an ordinary unicorn.

—Specifically, his magic lacks any offensive capabilities whatsoever—his lasers are all light, no fire. They go right through ponies. Unlike my fanon for Scootaloo’s parents, though, his family really doesn’t see a problem with it and treats him with love and care. (As a director, Scene even hopes he goes into light/sound work someday.)

—Trailblazer eventually becomes a dancer who blends light into his shows in a variety of ways, from basic strobe lights to creating shadow puppet-like objects with them. To his delight, he can also perform basic enchantments on his clothes so they can light up during his shows.

—As a fellow unicorn performer with her own magic issues, I like to think Trixie acts as a mentor figure to Trailblazer in his early days.

—Basically, Trailblazer is a sweet, sensitive colt who lives with a pack of tough, tomboyish sisters who he admires immensely.

[hungline]

lasagna and cookies

pairing: taegi  genre: fluff, angst, mild smut, engaged au, rated m  warnings: mild sexual content, kitchen sex, oral sex, hand jobs  a/n: written to fulfill my lonely christmas square for the @thereallyhappeningtaegibingo !  words: 3300 

summary: Yoongi has spent every Christmas alone and then Taehyung came along and he's not sure how he should act now. 

⇢ part four of love blossoms in winter 

“I don’t get why you hate Christmas so much.”

Taehyung’s voice is raspy and heavy with satoori, but Yoongi knows what the younger man is trying to say so he turns over in their bed to face him. Taehyung looks blissed out, albeit he did just orgasm a few minutes before, but it’s more than that, Yoongi thinks. Taehyung has been a lot more happy and content and calm ever since they’d officially started dating. Now engaged, Yoongi can attest to the fact that Taehyung is positively glowing at almost all hours of the day.

It’s cute and it’s nice and Yoongi likes how happy them being together makes the younger man feel.

But Christmas is in a few days and Yoongi knows he’s being whiney. Whiney enough that it’s probably going to start getting on Taehyung’s nerves. Taehyung is patient with him though and Yoongi isn’t sure how he should really be acting in the following days to come.

He hates Christmas, more than Valentine's Day, but he has his reasons.

For as long as Yoongi can remember, he’s spent every Christmas alone.

It got better for him once he went to the university in Seoul. He’d met Hoseok in his sophomore year and they’d bonded over rap music. Still, when winter break would come around, Hoseok would rush back home to be with his parents and older sister and Yoongi had lazed about his dorm room eating whatever he could find.

Yoongi stayed in the surrounding area of the university after he graduated until Hoseok coaxed him towards the sea. He’d gotten a house in the suburbs of Busan and shared the place with Hoseok, then helped his best friend move his things when Jimin had asked him to move in. Taehyung had moved in with Yoongi then and Yoongi knew he wasn’t going to last keeping himself away from Taehyung if the younger man kept wearing those goddamn red shorts all around the house.

Then, after a month of living together, Yoongi just couldn't take it anymore. Taehyung was too good looking for his own good and Yoongi had been very aware of the younger man’s lingering stares on his ass, on his lips, and just him in general. The sexual tension was thick between them and when Taehyung had cuddled up to him on the couch on one of their movie nights, Yoongi let him press open-mouthed kisses to his throat and collarbone. The most they’d gone that night was Yoongi blowing Taehyung and Taehyung rimming him, but it was enough.

The morning after, Yoongi had sat them down at the kitchen table and discussed the parameters of their “relationship.” He didn't want hand-holding or any of that couple-y, ooey gooey stuff. Yoongi just wanted sex and someone to keep him company. Taehyung had agreed and they’d stuck to it.

At least until Yoongi realized that Taehyung meant a lot more to him than a good fuck.

And that made it easier for him to accept it when Taehyung kept saying that he loved him in his sleep.

When Taehyung had tried to leave for Daegu, Yoongi had panicked. His insides were screaming at him that it was his fault, everything was his fault, he’d done something to drive Taehyung away and he was going to lose his one real shot at love if he didn't grow a pair and pursued the younger. So he grew a pair, sat his ass down and opened up the Find My iPhone app on his computer then entered Taehyung’s information. He’d tapped the location into his own phone then ran outside to his car and floored it until he’d hastily parked outside the bus station where he found Taehyung kneeling to give a little girl his scarf. Yoongi let himself catch his breath, assured that Taehyung wasn’t going to immediately leave since the younger man had just kept kneeling instead of standing up to move. Yoongi let himself approach the younger slowly and willed himself to not blow up when he and Taehyung began to talk.

And despite what Taehyung may have thought about Yoongi not wanting him, he was dead wrong because a life without Taehyung was a life that Yoongi didn't even want to consider.

So Taehyung had stayed and they’d began their official relationship and Jimin’s little quips about Taehyung moving back in had diminished to a trickle instead of a river.

But they’re happy and they’re engaged now and Yoongi is still reeling over the fact that he’d accepted Taehyung’s proposal so easily.

Taehyung is happy though and Yoongi’s happy too and that’s all that really matters.

Still, he’s spent every Christmas alone and he’s anxious about this year now that he has a fiancè. He knows it’s unlikely that Taehyung would leave him alone on Christmas of all days, but he had done it that year before when they’d just become roommates and Taehyung’s grandmother was expecting him home so he’d gone and left Yoongi. Alone.

Hoseok had offered to escape from Jimin’s parent’s house and bring chicken and warm beer, but Yoongi didn't want another reason for Jimin to resent him so he’d declined and spent the entirety of Christmas eating some leftover lasagna and a ton fuck of cookies. He’d regretted that combination the next day when he couldn't leave the bathroom for more than an hour. But Taehyung had come back home the day after for New Year’s and Yoongi was sated.

Now they lie in bed, bundled up beneath three blankets because Christmas by the sea is fucking cold and Yoongi needs another body beside him to offer him heat if Taehyung expects the elder to make it until the morning.

“I don't hate Christmas,” Yoongi speaks, his voice hoarse from all the yelling he did when Taehyung fucked him into the mattress not too long ago.

“You hate Christmas, hyung,” Taehyung laughs, his hair a mess around his head, but Yoongi thinks it looks close to a halo really.

“What makes you think that?”

Taehyung shrugs and brings the elder closer until Yoongi’s head is tucked under his chin. “Your grumbling has only gotten louder since December came around, hyung. Every time you see a Christmas tree, you look like it's just insulted your great-grandmother and dishonored your family name all at the same time, which is why, I guess, you wouldn't let me get a real tree to set up in the living room.”

Yoongi scowls and pulls his head back a tiny bit so Taehyung’s able to understand him. “Shut up. Go to sleep.”

“Hyung, you can tell me anything, really.”

“Go to sleep, Tae. It’s late and I have work tomorrow.”

Taehyung grumbles something unintelligible and Yoongi lets it slide because he is too tired to argue with the younger man right now. Yoongi nestles his face into Taehyung’s neck and lets sleep sink its claws into him. He doesn’t realize that Taehyung is asking him a question until he’s on the verge of sleep and hears himself murmur an “alright.”

He should probably worry about what he’s just agreed to, but he’s tired and his brain is mush and Taehyung is warm and sleep is calling to him. So he answers it and falls asleep.

  When he wakes up, Taehyung’s side of the bed is cold. Yoongi doesn’t think anything of it since Taehyung is always the first to rise in their home. He’s a morning person, something Yoongi could never force himself to be, no matter how many times Taehyung had tried to wake him up for an early morning run.

Still, Yoongi knows it’s late enough in the morning that he should get out of bed and drink some coffee. So he gets up on his elbows and opens the curtain that covers the window behind their bed and isn’t surprised to see hard-packed snow piled up against the window pane.

They’re snowed in.

Yoongi sighs, grateful that he won’t have to go to work today and lets the curtain close again. He kicks the covers off the bed and sleepily searches for his slippers. December in Busan is dreadful and cold and Yoongi still resents Hoseok for convincing him to move here, but he supposes that meeting Taehyung makes up for it.

He finds his slippers and pushes his cold feet into them and finally stands up from the bed. Yoongi blinks his eyes a few times and when his vision isn’t such a blurry mess anymore, his gaze lands on the open suitcase filled halfway with some of Taehyung’s clothes. Panic begins to bubble up in his chest. Taehyung hadn’t mentioned going away for Christmas and Yoongi isn’t even sure how Taehyung thinks he’ll manage to leave with them being snowed in and all, but that hadn’t stopped the younger man from packing.

Yoongi rummages in his bedside drawer and pulls the case holding his glasses out. He pushes them onto the bridge of his nose and blinks again before staring at the suitcase that is definitely there and not a figment of his imagination.

“Tae,” Yoongi calls out.

There’s a scuffling noise coming from the kitchen, but no answer so Yoongi lets his feet guide him down the hall and towards the noise. He doesn’t react to seeing Taehyung covered in flour and a mixing bowl in front of him that he’s having a hard time with. Taehyung looks up and Yoongi knows why he didn’t answer him. Taehyung has a measuring spoon clamped between his teeth and Yoongi moves forward to take it out of his mouth and wash it in the sink.

“What are you doing?” Yoongi asks, keeping his attention on the spoon.

Taehyung grunts and goes back to mixing. “Making pancakes.”

Yoongi tilts his head and hopes that his tone of voice is still conversational. “Then why is your suitcase open in our room?”

“I was packing.”

“I can see that. The question is, where were you going to go without me?”

The spoon is beyond clean at this point so Yoongi has no choice but to turn off the water and dry it, but he doesn’t want to meet Taehyung’s gaze and he doesn’t even want to look in the younger man’s general direction either. So he doesn’t see it when Taehyung sets the mixing bowl aside and takes the few steps towards Yoongi to wrap his arms around the elder’s waist. Yoongi stills, not wanting to move because Taehyung doesn’t usually hold him like this, like he’s glass that could break at any moment and needs to be protected. Taehyung’s breath is hot against his neck and Yoongi’s ass is nestled into Taehyung’s crotch, but he doesn’t dare move.

“Hyung, did you forget what I asked you last night?” Taehyung’s voice is right in his ear and Yoongi’s feels a delicious shiver roll down his spine.

“Last n-night?” Yoongi asks, his voice breathless and he feels a bit light headed.

Taehyung presses against him, more insistent and Yoongi feels his teeth skim his earlobe. “I asked you if you would come with me to my grandma’s for Christmas this year.”

Yoongi swallows and purposely does not gyrate his hips back on Taehyung in the middle of their kitchen where Taehyung is still covered in flour and Yoongi is sporting a semi in his pajamas. “You did?”

Taehyung groans and pushes his own semi into Yoongi’s ass and Yoongi drops the measuring spoon that he held in his hand in the sink. “Yes. You said you’d go, hyung.”

“I did?” Yoongi is most definitely grinding down onto Taehyung’s erection now.

Taehyung turns him around, takes his glasses off and sets them aside before he kisses Yoongi without any sort of preamble at all. Yoongi had been panicking beforehand over Taehyung leaving him alone for the most dreaded of holidays, but all he can really think about is the way that Taehyung’s hand is dipping under the waistband of Yoongi’s pajama bottoms to grasp his erection and start to stroke him. Yoongi groans and wishes that he’d listen to the younger man when he suggested they keep a bottle of lube in the kitchen, but Yoongi had told him countless times that the kitchen wasn’t a place for fornicating. They’ve done a lot of fornicating in the kitchen since then though, so Yoongi really hasn’t listened to his own words, but he can’t help it when Taehyung’s thumb is digging into his slit and drawing more precome from the elder. It’s enough that Taehyung can use it to stroke Yoongi fully and properly without it being slightly uncomfortable anymore.

Yoongi’s hands slide up under Taehyung’s shirt to map the expanse of his chest. Once Yoongi’s hands reach Taehyung’s nipples, he takes one of the pert nubs in between his thumb and forefinger and rolls it a tiny bit just to get a rise out of the younger. Taehyung keens and kisses him again and Yoongi thanks anything and everything out there for letting him meet Taehyung.

Sometime later after Yoongi has blown his load and then blowed Taehyung, they find themselves on the couch. The mess in the mixing bowl looked too similar to semen for either man to actually want to eat pancakes so Taehyung had dug out some blueberry yogurt and they’d ate it off the same spoon. Then Yoongi had rubbed at his eyes and yelped when Taehyung threw him over his shoulder and made his way towards the living room.

There’s a children’s Christmas movie playing on the television and Yoongi’s hands itch to grab the remote and turn it off. Taehyung must notice this because he grabs the remote and shoves it into the couch cushions.

“Hyung, why do you hate Christmas so much?”

Yoongi sighs and closes his eyes. “Drop it, Tae-yah.”

Taehyung merely shakes his head. “It’s been bugging me ever since Jeongguk-ah and Seokjin-hyung started decorating their house and you grumbled about it looking stupid. I know you don’t like most holidays, but you seem to hate Christmas the most and I just want to know why.”

“Taehyung, this is really not the time. Let’s talk about you packing a suitcase even though we’re snowed in instead,” Yoongi spits out, pushing himself off Taehyung’s chest to instead curl around the end of the couch.

“I didn’t check the weather until I had half of my stuff packed. Once I saw all the snow, I decided to just make us some pancakes and then cuddle and watch some movies,” Taehyung chuckles, pushing himself up on his elbows as he does.

“What a great plan that was.”

Taehyung bites his lip and smiles nervously. “It was a great plan, until you let your hatred for Christmas ruin our domestic moment.”

Yoongi scoffs and stands. “I did no such thing.”

He turns and rushes back towards the bedroom where he begins to put Taehyung’s things back in their proper places. He can hear when Taehyung enters the bedroom behind him, but Yoongi doesn’t spare him a glance as he hangs Taehyung’s favorite blue sweater in the closet.

“Hyung, what are you doing?”

Yoongi keeps moving, still not looking at his fiancè. “Putting your shit away.”

“Why?”

Yoongi freezes and feels his knees begin to shake. “Because you’re not going to leave me alone on this stupid holiday. I refuse to spend another fucking Christmas by myself.”

“Oh,” Taehyung breathes and then his arms are around Yoongi again and his nose is nuzzling into Yoongi’s black hair and Yoongi knows that he’s shaking now. “Hyung, I told you before, we were going to go together. You agreed last night. You really think that I’d go home for Christmas without you, the love of my life?”

“You did last year.” Yoongi isn’t even remotely aware of how he’s able to speak at the moment, but somehow he’s managing to do it.

Taehyung turns him around and grips his face, tightly, not letting Yoongi break his gaze. Taehyung’s brown eyes are intense and smoldering and Yoongi is still shaking, but his nerves are beginning to calm.

“Last year, we weren’t together and I did offer to stay, remember? You practically kicked me out the door when I said I wouldn’t go.”

Yoongi sighs and lets himself sag into the younger man. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m just being stupid.”

Taehyung presses his nose to Yoongi’s cheek and closes his eyes. “No, you’re not. I get why you hate Christmas so much and I’m sorry if you really thought I’d leave you alone for it again. From now on, we’ll spend every holiday together, not just Christmas.”

“Do you mean it?” Yoongi asks, and he feels small wrapped up in Taehyung’s arms, his face cradled by Taehyung’s big hands and Taehyung’s face pressing into the side of his, but it’s fine because Taehyung is comforting him and that’s all that Yoongi needs to help him calm the dying panic in his chest.

Taehyung kisses his cheek and pulls his face away to look Yoongi in the eye again. “Would I have asked you to marry me if I didn’t mean it?”

Yoongi bites his lip and tangles his hands in Taehyung’s shirt. “I guess not. Though, technically we’re not engaged. I don’t see a ring on my finger. Do you?”

Taehyung laughs and lets go of Yoongi to dig around his suitcase. Yoongi watches him with mild curiosity until Taehyung has drawn a black velvet box out from under one of his hoodies and scoots over to Yoongi on one knee. He smiles up the elder and Yoongi feels his knees start to shake again when Taehyung opens the box to reveal a simple silver band and holds his other hand out towards Yoongi. Yoongi lets Taehyung take his left hand and slip the band onto his ring finger before he meets Taehyung’s gaze and is blinded by the younger man’s large, rectangular grin.

“That looks like a ring to me, hyung,” Taehyung murmurs and Yoongi feels his knees give out and finds himself kneeling in front of Taehyung.

“I love you,” Yoongi whispers, pulling himself closer to Taehyung until he can tuck his head under the younger man’s chin.

Taehyung puts the box down and wraps his arms around Yoongi and kisses the elder’s hair. “I love you more.”

Yoongi laughs a weak, throaty laugh and presses his lips to Taehyung’s throat. “If you love me so much, you should make me some actual food, Tae-yah.”

Taehyung stands and brings the elder up with him. “On it. What would my lovely, handsome, and emotionally constipated fiancè like to eat?”

Yoongi slaps his chest and brings Taehyung’s head down so he can reach his lips. They kiss a long and soft kiss and Yoongi’s stomach is doing strange things with all the feelings that are running through him at that moment, but it’s okay. Taehyung is there and Taehyung is his and they’re happy.

“I want lasagna,” Yoongi mutters once they pull apart. “And cookies.”

Taehyung blinks, surprised, then laughs and presses a swift kiss to Yoongi’s nose. “Lasagna and cookies it is.”

Yoongi lets Taehyung leave to start working in the kitchen and he finishes putting Taehyung’s things away. He feels stupid now for his behavior, he is the older one after all, but he’s been acting like a child and Taehyung has been more mature than him. It’s fine though, he’s fine, and Taehyung says it’s fine when Yoongi goes to the kitchen to apologize for the way he’s been acting ever since December began, so it is fine.

Still, Yoongi can’t help but whine when Taehyung doesn’t let him lick the spoon the younger used to mix the cookie dough with. Taehyung just laughs and kisses Yoongi to appease him.

It works.

[lowtldes]

GUN FOR HIRE OC  ↠ Tristan Ong

MELEE / “The Up-Close and Personal” / Fights because he doesn’t want to move. Again.

AGE: 27

HEIGHT: 5′8″

SPECIALTY: The Brawler

WEAPONS: an engraved 1911 / his fists

OCCUPATION: Freelance Photographer / Fall’s End General Store Employee

LOCATION: Fall’s End, standing outside the General Store

SHORT BIO:  Tristan is a freelance photographer, new to Hope County. Tristan’s spent the last few years of his life moving from couch to couch, place to place. He needed something stable, so when his younger sister Thea got a job at Hope County Police Department, she suggested he move there with her since they could both use a change of scene. Tristan didn’t have to follow, but after their mother died and their father abruptly moved back to the Philippines, he wanted to be close to the only family he had left. He got a part-time job in the General Store at Fall’s End, which gave him a lot of time to hike around the county and pursue his work in photography. Then, barely two weeks after moving to the county, the local cult got violent. He hasn’t even unpacked all of his boxes, and now he’s getting into fistfights with every cultist that crosses his path. When Tristan wanted a change of scene moving to the county, he never thought it would have meant getting into fistfights with crazy religious cultists. Makes for good pictures, though.

RECRUITMENT MISSION: Shutterbug -- Help Tristan get his camera equipment from Deep North Irrigation Reservoir. [Talk to Tristan / Follow Tristan / Eliminate all Peggies / Pose for photos / Talk to Tristan] "Hey, I’m Tristan. Still new in town and boy is shit crazy right now, huh? I used to work at the General Store... well, I worked there for like five days and now, ah, I think my boss is dead so does that count as working there? Never mind. You look like you can fuck people up. I left some of my camera equipment on the roof of Deep North, could you help me get my shit back? The place is crawling with Peggies. I got some money from the register I could give you as a reward, just don’t rat me to my dead boss, heh... Oh, and I can snap some pictures for you too if you want.”

SPECIAL ABILITIES: MEAN SWING -- Glass jaw or not, if Tristan gets close enough he can down enemies with a single punch. Angels? Three punches. His hand wraps are always bloody for a reason. CAMERAMAN -- Tristan will randomly snap photos while he travels with you. Yes, even in combat. [pictures are located in the same folder as screenshots]

RELATIONSHIPS IN HOPE COUNTY:

Mary May -- He tried to apply for a job bartending at the Spread Eagle, but Mary May laughed at how terrible his bartending skills were. She still wanted to help him find work so she pointed him towards the General Store.

Jerome Jeffries -- Complimented Tristan on his photography once and Tristan was head over heels for the guy for the next three days. A little guilt about it too, the man’s a Pastor, after all.

Joey Hudson -- Tristan admires her, she’s a survivor. She’s pretty hot too, but he’s not gonna comment on that or try to ask her out. She looks like she just needs space, and Tristan steers clear.

Nick Rye -- Tristan thinks the guy’s okay, Nick won’t let him take pictures of Carmina, though.

Sharky Boshaw -- Tristan sees him set a guy on fire and thinks yeah, i’d tap that. Then Sharky opens his mouth, says something dumb and becomes another person Tristan is kind of in love with.

Hurk Drubman Jr. -- Same as Sharky. Turns out Tristan likes jolly idiots, Hope County is truly taking him through a journey of self-discovery. He’d join Hurk’s Gate.

Jess Black -- Scares Tristan a little. But she’s a great photograph subject, it takes him a long time to convince her to let him take photos of her.

Grace Armstrong -- The second Tristan saw Grace, he was fucked. Totally in love. She’s so awe-inspiring, and he’s pretty sure she isn’t interested in him at all.

Adelaide Drubman -- She looks like a blonde, slightly younger version of his mother. Nope. He stays away from that.

AMBIENT QUOTES:

[getting into cars] “Fuck yeah, let’s Mad Max this shit.”

[picking herbs] “Dude, I don’t think you can smoke that... but you do you, I guess.”

[in a church] “I grew up Catholic. Sunday pants and everything. Now I don’t know if I believe in God. If he’s real, he definitely doesn’t give a shit.”

[getting headshots] “What are you, an aimbot? God. I miss video games.”

[blowing up stuff] “Ah, it’s moments like these that make me miss Vine.”

[looting bodies] “That guy shat his pants and you’re going through his back pockets? Brave. I respect that.”

“Hey, can you kill that guy again? There was dirt on my lens.”

“God, I wish I could post stuff online. My photos about this war crap would get so many hits.”

“I really don’t know shit about guns. Seriously, if you even ask me what kind of gun I’m holding right now, I have no idea. I just took it from the store because I thought the engraving was pretty. Pretty. I don’t know shit. But hey, as long as I can shoot it, right?”

“All the Seeds are kind of hot, don’t you think? Crazy, of course, but hotter than they have any right to be. Except for Joseph, though. I mean I can see that he’s hot too, but the whole Jared Leto look doesn’t do it for me. That’s just me, though. If you think he’s hot, I support you.”

“You know, when my sister and I moved here, I really thought I was gonna be bored. I was scared I’d turn into a farmer or something. But nope, now I do murder. Life’s funny. Really makes you think.”

“I wonder if this shit’s made it to worldwide news. I wonder if my dad thinks me and Thea are dead. Dunno if he’d care, to be honest. That’s not who he is now.”

“Well, will ya look at that? My hands are shaking so much I can’t hold my camera properly. Maybe I should stop punching cultists in the face for a while, it’s really hurting my artist hands.”

QUOTES IN JOHN’S REGION:

[at Fall’s End] “Ugh, just thinking about unboxing the rest of my shit from the move makes me wanna take a nap. Seems pointless too. Why would I bother unpacking when there’s a war going on? Yeah, I know I’m procrastinating. But God.”

“John Seed. Sadistic motherfucker, isn’t he? Hot though, I’ll give him that. Definitely the kind of guy I’d blow in a nightclub bathroom stall and never see again.”

“Dude, we gotta stop that John Seed. Let’s blow up some silos and shit. That’ll get him pissed. Maybe he’ll tattoo us. Which I’m... definitely not looking forward to, I mean. Shit is fucked up.”

“So John was a big city lawyer, right? Why the fuck would he come all the way here? It’s just... cows and shit. But--ah, yeah, I can’t say shit about that though, can I? I moved here from the city too. I’m a dumbass.”

QUOTES IN FAITH’S REGION:

[at Hope County Jail] “Time for some prison photography, I guess. Never thought I’d get here.”

“Oh, you know that guy Tweak? Wonder if he’s alive. He gave me some good weed my first week in town. Don’t tell my sister.”

“Um, I’m not the only one seeing hippie Seed frolicking in the grass, right? Right?”

“Faith Seed is what happens when you go through your pretty princess phase and zombie apocalypse phase at the same time. Next thing you know it’ll be an emo phase.”

“Let’s run through some Bliss fields! The flowers would be beautiful props for portrait photography. Though, I wonder how good my photos’ll be while I’m Bliss high. The angles and focus would probably be all wrong. Yeah, never mind let’s not. The composition in my head will get so fucked... Actually, fuck, let’s do it.”

“Those angels, man, I swear I clocked one in the face and she bit my hand. What if it spreads like an actual zombie disease? Promise me you’ll kill me if I ever go bald, Deputy, promise me.”

QUOTES IN JACOB’S REGION:

[at the Wolf’s Den] “Is there only one bathroom here? Do they all share the same bathroom? That’s a lotta people for one bathroom. Eugh.”

“Oh god, we’re hiking this place, aren’t we? My legs are gonna kill me tomorrow. The things I do to keep my ass tight... And save civilians, yeah. That too. That’s also important.”

“The views we’re gonna see up here, oh man. I hope my camera’s got enough battery for today because I am not putting this bad boy down.”

“Jacob Seed is a goddamn fool. If he wants to put people in cages, he doesn’t have to kidnap them. There’s a whole community for people who are into that, someone’s gotta tell him. Not me, though. I like my balls where they are, thanks.”

“I think my sister’s kind of into that Jacob guy. Which is fucked up and stupid, but I’m the self-destructive idiot in the family so she’s not gonna listen to me. As her big brother, should I be worried? I can’t threaten that guy, I’m pretty sure. I think I’d die, but shit, I really feel like I’m supposed to have some kind of brotherly obligation here.”

“Those wolves--those Judges--that shit is so wrong. If we run into one I’m gonna piss myself. I can’t punch a wolf, can I? Oh wait, I have a gun. Right.”

[personagf-moved]

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs: 

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love 

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week 

h // horror yes or horror no:  H O R R O R   Y E S   B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc. 

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that. 

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol 

u // underwear colour: she be black 

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it 

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun 

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu 

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho. 

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO 

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

 What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over 

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back.  also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.  

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

[loghainmactir]

Harry and those last three oc questions!! 👀👀

LISTEN ANON…. you wouldn’t believe how hard I worked on the last one for you. tbh, this kinda kicked my ass back into gear wrt the Valley and it helped me work out some things that I hadn’t previously considered, so thank you!

Some notes: the first one is pretty straight forward and goes with the prompt almost 100%. The second one isn’t canon to my novel, but involves Peyton’s Eustace (so it’s canon to the world? whatever. Hopefully that makes sense) and is suuuper early on in their relationship. Like, weeks in. The third one isn’t actually from the perspective of a historian, but is a government document regarding Harry and his family, and that DOES have very, very subtle spoilers regarding my story. >:3

Under the cut for length!

1. A LETTER TO YOUR OC FROM A COMPANION THEY HAVEN’T SEEN IN A WHILE

A crumpled,balled-up letter at the bottom of a rubbish bin. Hidden under several tissues,a cold and flu medicine pack, and a plastic sushi container.

Harry,

It’s been ayear.

A whole-ass year,and there hasn’t been even a single trace of you. The police refuse to searchfor you anymore. I don’t know what to do.

I’m terrifiedabout what might’ve happened to you. I don’t know if you’re alive or dead and Idon’t know which one is worse. What if you’re out there somewh

Harry,

You’re afucking asshole and I can’t believe you’d just disappear and leave us and mum’scrying and dad’s disappearing

fuck you what the fuck am Imeant to do how the fuck did you

Harry,

I knew you weredepressed. I mean, that’s probably the least of it and I’m sorry we never triedto help or understand. I’m so sorry I’m so sorry im so sorry im so sorry

Whoever hashim,

I want mybrother back, you can’t

Harry,

I’m not givingup. Tomorrow, I’m going into town and I’m going to hire someone to find you.

LoveI miss yPlease come b

2. A CONVERSATION BETWEEN YOUR OC AND THEIR BEST FRIEND:

“Hey.”…“Got yousomething.”…

“C’mon. It’schocolate pudding. Do you know how hard this was to get? I almost lost an armfor this. I promise you it’s not poisoned or anything—look, the can’s sealedshut. Probably has been for a… while. It should still be good, though.”…Heavy sigh. “Alright.I’ll leave this here, then. You’ll need a can-opener, too. Probably a spoon,when you feel like eating. I won’t watch you.”…“Thank you, Mr.Wolfman. You’re very kind, Mr. Wolfman. Oh, no issue– you’re welcome.”

3. A DESCRIPTION OF YOUR OC’S FAMILY BY AFUTURE HISTORIAN:

Office of the Director  -  August 01, 2018

Memorandum: AdministrationSubject: Project EVO, [REDACTED]

ID130618 was born September 05, 1993 toDelphine Campbell, née Leroux, and Robert Campbell.

Delphine Leroux, originally from Lyon,France, immigrated to Canada to study and work; she met Campbell duringuniversity and they married two years into their relationship. Leroux was alithe and tall woman with dark hair and blue eyes. She was often regarded as opinionated,demanding and ‘stuffy’ by her peers. At the time, Leroux was studying herBachelor of Medicine.

Robert Campbell was originally from Montreal,Canada. At the time of meeting Leroux, Campbell was a carpenter and had notcompleted any higher education. It is said he was ‘in awe of her fireypersonality’, and it was love at first sight. Robert is slightly shorter andheavier than Leroux and wears glasses for myopia; he has dark, curly hair andbrown eyes.

The Campbells’ threat to EVO is low;ID130618 left home shortly after his eighteenth birthday and rarely had contactwith his parents. They do not know where he lived, and they do not know what hedid for a living. There has been no contact with authorities of any kindregarding their son.

ID130618 also had a younger sister; SarahCampbell, born February 24, 1998. Sarah only recently moved to Toronto with herpartner and is similarly pursuing her Bachelor of Nursing. Sarah resembles hermother, though she’s shorter and has cut her hair short.

Sarah’s threat to EVO is high. Despite onlyoccasional contact, ID130618 recalled nothing but positive memories with hissister closer to the experiment’s beginning. [REDACTED] was assigned to her case;a month ago, Campbell hired a private investigator after police dismissed her.

Please refer to [REDACTED]’s recommendationsregarding termination for further information.

[antonisms-blog1]

> anton escaping the “shrussyhq gc, 2017″

waddup folks and egg yolks, it’s your third fave aussie, lilac, bringing to you straight from her batcave, smol lil anton van dalen !! (i s2g batcave isn’t a euphemism alright, i just hide in my room from the harsh rays of the SUN). click that readmore to learn more about everyone’s fave short meme boi.

warning: this intro is going be le terrible™ however anton is the light of my life so at least respect the poor lil bean here ?? i have condensed my app into this intro essentially but if you want LONG AND UNENDING sentences, be sure to check out his bio page :-) there’s plenty more hcs there too so if you wanna know more,,, anyways. onto the actual intro !

BEFORE HE WAS COOL // history.

lil anton (or ant, antonini, tony, antony ?? i really should have thought about this smh) was born second child to angelica and eric van dalen !! the first boy to the family, and at the time, much loved.

with two wealthy parents, anton never worried about much (except his pet plants which he always killed rip). he p much always got what he wanted, and spent most of his time in his parent’s finely curated library in the back of their mcmansion. life was swell for the young boy

a few years later anton (and his older sister annaleise) were given a younger brother, and that changed everything. it was at van dalen three that eric and angelica realised they were completely indifferent to each other, and were far more career orientated than family orientated. so the three kids from that point grew up under the influences of nanny after nanny, each other, and whatever tv character they idolised at the time (you bet your ass anton went through a pokemon phase.... and many others !! paracosmshq task one, identify one of anton’s childhood phases.)

despite their parents being somewhat absent as they were growing up (angelica was a doctor and eric a lawyer), they both put a lot of pressure on the van dalen kids to do well in school and out-perform everyone. built on competition and image, it was stifling for a young anton to confORm to what his parents wanted him to be. not the polite and well-mannered genius they had hoped, anton was instead a loud-mouthed and curious child who always got himself into trouble, made a fool of himself in front of his peers, and ran off constantly. it wasn’t long before anton became anton van burden, and his parents were sick of his... antics *ba-dum-tss*

but the truth ??? anton wasn’t trying to cause trouble for anyone, he was just a free spirit. he liked making people laugh, and he loved exploring places he’d never been. unfortunately his gregarious and comical ways weren’t appeasing to his family, and for many years he was shamed for being who he was, aka a normal human bean.

the older anton got, the more insecure he became as his parents constantly tried to change anton to fit into their family dynamic more. his other siblings had already gotten with the program, so anton was the odd one out. it didn’t help that when anton was younger, he was very awkward looking too. he was short, he had big ears, and his weight was disproportionate to his body. this meant he was bullied at school,,, a lot

going to a fancy college for all his childhood schooling, anton was stuck with the same donkeys his entire life. at first the vivacious and extroverted joker, the older he got the more he was worn down by the people around him, and he secluded himself and spent most of his time writing and reading, with only like, one close friend :(

it wasn’t until his sister moved out that anton was like “you know what,,, i am in charge of MY LIFE” and decided he was sick of what his parents thought, and flipped them off essentially

he started working out and my boy got ripped

he also began suppressing those insecurities and began socialising with the mass populace of his school once more. he took his mantle as the class clown and finger-gunned his way up the social hierarchy

graduating the top of his class, the most surprising thing happened,,, what ? ANTON is evolving ! the ugly duckling had become the swan, the caterpillar had become the butterfly. anton had finally reached his final form.

the second he finished high school, anton had never felt better ?? so the second he could he put in his application to any uni that was on the other side of the country so he could truly have a fresh start

although anton wasn’t allowed to pursue writing like he wanted, he fell in love with criminal psychology and criminal law, which was [hannah montana vc] the best of both worlds for him (he may have gained his independence but he was still a pushover ok lmao) 

now he’s a regular dude bro that runs a meme page and does his best to make others smile :-) 

anton van dalen: writes his dissertation on how memes affect the criminal psyche 

WHY HE IS CURRENTLY COOL // personality and stuff.

if you saw anton’s stats on the main,,, you’ll know what he’s like

he’s a DREAMER with DANK MEMES and NO SENSE OF DIRECTION

he’s constantly off in his own lil world and is sort of,,, just rolling through, one jape at a time

his intentions are pure and he can be a lil naive bc negativity ?? not in front of his salad !!

one of his many flaws tho is that he can’t take things v seriously,,, the second things get tense, he’ll make some joke. there’s a dead body ? knock knock joke. someone going through a break up ? an inappropriate pun. generally having a bad time ? here’s a meme

he’s also a complete IDIOT ??? like,, he wants to be indiana jones and his clumsy ass will probably end up falling off a balcony as he tries to tarzan swing from one place to another not unlike spiderman tbh

HE’S A DIRECT DESCENDANT OF SPORTACUS I DON’T MAKE THE RULES

also you want an impromptu song and dance sequence ?? anton’s your mans !! karaoke nights, jamming to sick bops and high school musical re-enactment is anton’s number One (1) pastime. 

if he’s not hanging with pals, he’ll have his nose in a book and !! give him all the adventures !! #nerd

honestly anton is the biggest yes man ever and he is super trusting ?? ask him for anything, and you’ll have it within minutes. he’s also disney trash and a hopeless romantic,,, sighs. when will he LEARN

one of anton’s many hobbies is magic ??? yes, he legit is a magician in his off time. at this point he’s still doing card tricks and making flowers come from hats, but he’s learning !! (he’s such a dork ok don’t say i didn’t warn u)

y’know what im leaving this here i want the last hc to be the one above k BYE

HOW YOU’LL BE COOL IF YOU’RE NEAR HIM // plots.

tbh i don’t have many plots in mind yet bc the connections are so damn juicy and i love chemistry based threads ?? BUT i still love plotting and at some point i will most likely slide into your ims (and onto an actual slide of the water variety bc its summer here and im CRISPIN) 

i actually do have a wanted plots page though ! it’s not very good lmao but,, it’s there. check it out !! (or not i can’t tell you what to do. or can i ??? nah probably not rip).

i’m gonna end this travesty of an intro here but if you’ve read this far ?? thank you ! can’t wait to mssg y’all and start this rp. it’s gonna be great. :~)

[epivskey]

Just wondering about your next gen headcanons. Do you favor any characters (including OCs and ships)? Also, who plays what on the Quidditch team?

oh my dear this will be long. most of my headcanons can be found on /tagged/hp-next-gen-headcanons on my tumblr.  

I’m just going to do my faves because there are too many kids.

Teddy Lupin - I subscribe to the canon that he is the Head Boy Hufflepuff. I like thinking that while his teachers expected and received grades worthy of his father, that he would also have his mother’s energy and clumsiness. His hair reflects what he feels, and since blue is the colour of calm and happy, its the colour you would most likely see him in. He’s close with the Potters and the Shell Cottage Weasleys. He plays the resident big brother role pretty well, so well that even the adults don’t notice the hurt he feels. He’s jealous that these are full families, that his family ended before it could properly begin. He relates to Professor Longbottom in that way, since they both were raised by their grandmothers. He didn’t have the paparazzi as bad, since his parents were dead war heroes not alive ones. He never let on to the younger ‘uns that he was too busy with exams to help with their problems.

Victoire Weasley - I like to pin her as the perfect cousin, the one on such a high pedestal in terms of looks, grades, her Gryffindor status and general care toward paparazzi and followers. She’s kind to the paparazzi, never breaking their things or swearing or making rude gestures; her head is always kept low and often holds a soft smile. Because for all the attention she got from them as a child, and from being told that all the others should act and be like her, Victoire enjoys the attention. She enjoys the flashing lights, although she didn’t always. When she was young she despised the camera, knowing that it awaited her outside her home, but as she got older and accepted it as part of her life, she found that she actually enjoyed it. It helped her greatly when Dominique broke a camera from sheer rage, because she got to fake niceness to get on their good side; her sister’s anger and rage was her saving grace. She enjoys it when her face is plastered onto a magazine, looking as pretty in her flawless nature. Fights break out with Dominique over how paparazzi should be handled, but she ultimately doesn’t give a shit.

Molly Weasley - Ever since a young age her father pressured her to do her best in school. Percy was a prefect and got high grades, and he expected no less from his daughters. Molly did as she was told and studied hard, studying even before her enrollment in Hogwarts. It didn’t help that her mother was Korean, so the stigma of her being smart was only due to “natural” instances of her being Asian, not her hard work. Half the time she questioned why she hadn’t been sorted into Hufflepuff, but the answer was always the same: expectations. Of course she would do well at school, of course she strove to be number 1, of course she was a Gryffindor. She was called a “Mini Victoire” or a “Victorie 2.0” by tabloids. The weight of expectations and the constant exposure to paparazzi outside of school did not do good things to her mental state. At thirteen she fell into a pit of depression. Her sister Lucy and cousins, James and Fred, were the only ones that really knew. For once she was glad she was in Gryffindor, because she had James and Fred to keep her from falling- both figuratively and literally. She made a suicide attempt at age fifteen. Her self-esteem was hurt and self-confidence plummeted; an incident concerning her friends, Daniel Wood and one Rita Skeeter during a Hogsmeade day caused her to lose them all because of an article written. That was the pushing point that led her to try and jump off the Gryffindor tower. Luckily James caught her and brought her back to his and Fred’s dorm. She’s being using them as a crutch ever since.

Fred Weasley - Having your dead uncle who is also your dad’s twin brother as your namesake could not be easy, and for Fred it was hell. His entire family had a legacy from their involvement in the Second Wizarding War, and while only one Weasley died for the cause, he was named after said Weasley. From when he was about ten years old Fred realised that everything he did and said would be compared to his namesake. Every bad joke he tried to tell that received pitied laughs, all the times he did something naughty with James and got scolded by Grandmum Molly, when he got sorted into Gryffindor. It was like he lived in a shadow he could never escape, the sun never shone where he stood and it would never shine for as long as he would live. He once spoke his fears aloud with James and Molly and was surprised when they resonated with him. At twelve he made himself a promise for the future: he would never ever name his kids after anyone he knew. The responsibility of knowing a namesake was heavy enough when it was just his family, but the tabloids took it to new heights, blowing his position as a Keeper in Quidditch way out of proportion, “Fred Jr walking away from everything his family taught him! Read more about how this junior is diverting from his predestined path.” He’s the most vocal of all the cousins about how fucked up their lives are.

James Potter - James has five things he considered to be the worst in life, but their order always got shuffled around: being named after your grandfather and great godfather; being Harry Potter’s son; being Harry Potter’s first born; being Ginny Weasley’s son; and being sorted into Gryffindor. Sometimes being named after your grandfather and great godfather sucked ass because of their reputation as tricksters, and replicating that kind of expectation was hard- or at least harder than anyone would know. The two categories of being Harry Potter’s son and being Harry Potter’s first born were split, because the former added pressure onto James to do something equally as selfless and amazing. How do you trump the fact that your father basically saved the whole world? The latter because, according to all the movies James had watched, the first born was always “destined for greatness” and was always the mold from which the other siblings would follow from. But James considered himself to be a mess and got into trouble- but not the good kind. He caused scandal after scandal leaving behind strings of “broken hearts.”  He loved his mum dearly, but hated that she pursued professional Quidditch (and that his father was the youngest Quidditch player in a century) because that meant James had to pursue Quidditch. He loved watching the sport and the thrill of the games, but hated actually being on the pitch. But duty calls, and so he joined Quidditch and became Captain. This tied with him being a Gryffindor. He didn’t want his future to have been planned out for him already, often waking at night from nightmares.

Relationships I do ship are: Teddy & Victoire, Scorpius & Albus. Ships with the canon and my ocs: my oc Imogen Wong & James, my oc Dinah Wood & Teddy, my oc Frank II & Louis, and my oc Bella Hart (Pansy’s daughter) & Lucy.

As for OC’s I favour:Amelia Finnigan-Thomas - Adopted child of Dean and Seamus from Myanmar, Amelia was a darling to the public eye. It was a fairy tale, the tale of a poor unknown witch from a poor country being adopted by gay, loving war-hero parents. She had an older brother who was adopted from kenya with a similar story. She hated the paparazzi and still does, but she loves to make fun of them with her brother and friends. At fourteen she became the Quidditch Captain for Hufflepuff, managing to bring Hufflepuff to victory and get the House Cup! She spawned quite the attention when she did, doing everything she could to emphasize the fact that she did it, she brought her house victory. She’s at times cocky and unchecked, but if you ever say shit about her fathers or her brother, she would not hesitate to hex you.

Dinah Wood - First born child of Oliver Wood and Quidditch mastermind in her own right. She was captain of Gryffindor’s Quidditch team when James first entered Hogwarts, drawing knowledge from her father on tactics to use on the field. Many players from within her own house, and plenty from the others, complained that she had an unfair advantage. McGonogall brushed it all away, and Dinah felt connected to her head of house, grateful that her faith was placed in her. Her hype about Quidditch is considerably less crazed than her father. But her legacy as a Captain garnered her a position as a “popular” girl, alongside the fact that she was best friends with Teddy Lupin and Victoire Weasley. She’s very competitive, fighting for the title of prefect in Fifth Year, and Head Girl, but the title instead went to a Slytherin prefect.

The kids that played Quidditch in Hogwarts:James II - ChaserFred II- Beater, KeeperDominique - Chaser, BeaterLucy - ChaserScorpius - KeeperAlbus - SeekerDinah Wood- ChaserAmelia Finnigan-Thomas - Seeker, Chaser Louis - ChaserFrank Longbottom II - Beater

[dahliias]

hello children it me theye. i am playing my love, my life, dahlia. you can read about my trash monster below n as always pls come plot w me ,,,,, u all know how i feel about plotting 

lmao so. this is dahlia day hayes, aka twin sister to dexter hayes, aka the sensible one

jus call her dahlia . there are nicknames her Favorite People can use (dee namely) but if ur not someone she actively likes she’ll probably pour her drink on you lmao

ok so dahlia is 22, bisexual but its like a men 5 / 95 women thing , like she can appreciate the male form but 100% if u dont eat ur girl out she will 

so dahlia grew up in new york with a really irresponsible mum and a constantly growing family; her dad abandoned her, shes got 5 younger siblings she helped raise, it was a real fun shitshow

basically her entire life up until about 16 was her family -- dexter, her siblings, her mother, she was consumed with morning routines, bedtimes, diapers, sick children, dishes, laundry -- she had almost no personality outside of “caretaker”

except .... dahlia is lowkey p freaking amazing up in her head ? she’s amazing at engineering and math. she can fix microwaves, toasters, ovens, driers, cars, blenders. if something broke in the hayes household, it’s dahlia you’d hear little voices screaming for. 

she also has a calculator up in that head of hers. she’s been doing advanced calc since 8th grade, and senior year she was bored in two different ap math classes.

when she was 16 she decided that she wanted to try to make something of herself. she thought if she could claw her way out of the poverty-stricken mess, she could eventually bring her siblings with her and they could live a good life

so she applied for hundreds, hundreds of scholarships, met with college representatives, took her s.a.ts three times to get her 2300, -- all behind her family’s -- and dexter’s -- back

mid senior year, she found out that, against all odds, she had managed a full scholarship, living costs + relocation fees included, to berkley. with this knowledge, she pushed herself, and graduated with a 4.5.

she didn’t know how to tell her family, so she waited until a family dinner a few nights after her 18th birthday that she’d be leaving them. it broke her heart, but she desperately wanted to pursue her dreams, she wanted to know more about the world, and see more things than just the view from her crowded bedroom. 

she left for berkley in august -- and it was nothing like she expected? it was horrid. overwhelming. her dorm room was too empty. she missed her family. it was like they were inside of her, ripping her to pieces trying to drag her back to them.  she loved berkley, and finally had found a place she truly felt like she could belong and flourish, but she couldn’t handle being so far away from her twin, her babies, and her mother.

during spring break, when she finally saved up through work study to return, she dropped out and stayed with her family again; she hated herself for giving up something she was so excited and passionate about, but she felt like she couldn’t justify leaving her kids just to be selfish

so she adapted. she started working, although illegally, at a little nightclub as a waitress -- it helped, some, that she looked young, because sleezy drunk men were always willing to tip a young-looking blonde a little extra. 

she did a fair bit of illegal shit too -- she stole, she cheated, she pickpocketed, she conned, -- and eventually she ended up in underground fighting

she’s good, too. at first she came home with the shit kicked out of her every night, but she learned to anticipate the throws and learned where to hit to make it hurt, and how to use her body to hurt other people. 

she only fought on the weekends, but it was enough at the time

dahlia also grew angrier. every morning when she got home from a fight at 5 am and had to slather drugstore concealer all over her face to help get the kids up for school and out the door, she hated that -- once a genius with potential -- she let herself become a criminal. 

when dexter left the family, she grew hard; it’s hard to learn that you can’t even trust your family, but she learned that. she started working double-time, with half the time to sleep, waitressing and pickpocketing, fighting in safe rings on the weekends didn’t cut it anymore, so she started to go to rings where she would be pit against grown men; it was riskier, but the pot was much larger. 

eventually, one of the various dads of her siblings came back into their lives and tried to push in as “father,” and her mother, a wreck, let him. he told dahlia he wanted her to work on moving out because she was a bad influence on his kids, and dahlia was furious -- who was this man? a stranger who had left her family in the first place?  she refused, obviously. 

as time went on, the man became more and more aggressive with her, leading to an actual physical fight. she hurt him, and he kicked her out of the house she’d been raising her siblings in basically since she was a first grader.

she had literally no one -- so she took what money she had from the last few weeks, and put it together on a debit card. her plan was stupid and half-baked, but she decided that she would track down her wayward twin and force him to return with her so that she could get back the only purpose she had anymore -- her family.

dahlia’s not a nice girl. she doesn’t pretend to be. she’ll be perfectly cordial and nice, but if you pull a tone with her she’ll go 0 to bitch in ten seconds lmao. 

she’s not afraid of very much at all, and she has literally like four switchblades on her at any given moment, even though she’s definitely dressed like some mannequin at forever 21 lmao

she always has a lighter or a box of matches on her, and when she gets restless or agitated, she starts striking the matches, shaking them out, and throwing them on the ground, or flicking her lighter open and lighting it over and over again

she’s v unimpressed w the male population. thank dexter and her dad for that lmao 99% sure her favorite water bottle dead ass says “male tears” on it

honestly dee is so ?? edgy n mean n tough ?? but she dead ass dresses like any other lil preppy thing w her shorts n skirts n her sheer ass shirt and heeled boots, she loves the hot weather in marbella so far so she’s just like yes please i love shorts and i hate jackets

she had never actually seen the ocean before bc berkley isn’t in beach county, so when she got to marbella and saw the ocean in person the first time she finally found the one thing that scares her and takes her breath away lol

so sometimes she just sits in the sand looking at it bc she hasn’t plucked up the courage to go and play in it yet shes honestly so intimidated by the ocean . she’ll never admit it bc she is the Man Of The House but still 

it took her a while to hunt down her brother, she started in france and ended up here via hitch hiking and sneaking into trains, she has no fear its insane , so she’s probs only been in town like 2 weeks. 

she’s currently staying at a lil youth hostel so she only really has a nice army backpack full of three or four mismatched outfits and a toothbrush and a phone + charger that only works w wifi. she’s stealing toiletries from tourists and makes a living pickpocketing atm 

she’s probably going 2 be too easy to convince to kick back bc she hasnt had a goddamn day off in 4 years

when shes mad move anything breakable out of the way and do not stand close to a bar because she will throw a beer bottle at your head and she will destroy everything you own

the only ppl in the world who see any gentility to her are her baby siblings and they’re not here are they ????? 

if she Adopts u she will show u how soft and sweet and lowkey maternal she can be, but otherwise nah

i genuinely am so brain dead now i cannot think of many plots but i have 3 i really want below so pls:

someone who she can stay with in the longterm -- just because she’s gonna be here for a while and there’s only so long she can pay the fees to stay at a youth hostel and live out of a bag honestly she’s gonna want to buy a bra and wash it regularly; i’d love if these two actually get along well whatever that means. like she’s not a horrible roommate bc shes spent her whole life cleaning up after other ppl but she’ll probs steal ur clothes bc shes not gonna buy her own lol

someone who can help her just fucking unwind for two seconds like girl needs to chill i swear ?? like get her drunk. get her to actually stand in the ocean. let her listen to music and eat good food. she’s never got to be a teenager, she needs that

a person who lowkey caught her with their wallet in her hand and was like dude wyd?? and instead of throwing a punch or calling The Law Enforcement Officers they actually stopped for a sec n now the two are unlikely bffs and they are her Emotional Support even tho shes mean and bitchy and likely is gonna be like “sad??? sad?????? i do not feel that emotion. nut the fuck up.  ‘sad.’ what a pussy”

[ah17hh]

how to NOT do poly via /r/polyamory

how to NOT do poly

This is very long. My dysfunctional entrance into polyamory was a huge learning experience for me.

Summer of 2017, my marriage was crumbling. I was in denial about it, way too optimistic, and took full responsibility for my marriage alone. At the same time, one by one, my close girlfriends were all ravenously hitting on me. My underwear was soaked and busting at the seams but I went home to a dead bedroom. My therapist simply asked me when I was going to finally come out of the closet. I didn't realize I was in a closet, but when he asked me, something just clicked.

I wanted to take my newly out-of-the-closet self for a guilt free ride on the pussy highway. With my husband's consent to fuck around, I set up a Tinder account and swiped my tits off. A much younger lesbian was one of my many matches. We chatted, texted, made plans that I canceled a few times. She texted me pictures of her family, personal things. I just wanted sex so I didn't share anything personal back. She told me she just wanted sex too, but still sent me very personal things. After a few weeks, she downright demanded to meet me. I caved. She was really pretty and persistent is an understatement. My other matches would stop trying after a while, but she would not give up. I was scared to meet people. I was scared of rejection. I wasn’t happy with my weight at the time, and she was much younger, thin, and very out.

“Meet me Saturday night. My sister and my best friend will be out with me too.” It was my last chance, she told me later this was the last time she was going to push me to come out and see her. I walked up to the sidewalk and there she was talking to my friend, smoking a cigarette and decked out in young woman accessories, something I never quite understood how to accomplish. “Oh you smoke?” “Not anymore,” she thought. She put out her cigarette. We went into the bar. “Am I fatter in person?” I genuinely wanted to know.

The bar was getting packed. Someone tried to squeeze by my fat ass, so she pulled me toward her, her arm around the small of my back. Gay sparks flew off the charts. We danced until we couldn’t breathe and were covered with sweat. Shoes flew everywhere. I’m not exaggerating. We all had the fucking time of our lives together and it felt like I had found one of us out there when I thought my Squad Goals had already been fulfilled. “Come home with me.” She did. She ate me out on my couch and I came when her tongue and mouth weren’t even touching me. I came that easily and that hard on top of all the whiskey. She faked it, but years of vibrators had killed her clit. In my drunken haze and post-orgasm exhaustion, at 4:00 in the morning, I said, "Stay and spoon with me.” She did. I’d never cuddled with a woman before. It felt like magic. I’m not talking about the kind of magic that you see walking down a tourist area and a fat wrinkled magician wants to show you how to make a card appear in your pocket. I’m talking about the kind of magic people invented religion to explain. I’m talking about the kind of magic that Kelly Clarkson co-writes songs about. I’m talking about the kind of magic only two pussies can create together. It’s super gay and I see now why it’s illegal in some places. Just too fucking good.

My husband woke up two hours after we had fallen asleep to find us spooning on the couch. He stormed out incredibly angry. I was panicking. She was lingering in my apartment, just lounging in her underwear completely oblivious, and way too comfortable. I craved touch so much, I couldn't resist her, I never cleared it with my husband about anyone spending the night. While still in her underwear, trying desperately to look enticing and sexy, she told me her credit score was 750. I was extremely worried about my husband and very uncomfortable at how comfortable she was. My body had alarms going off everywhere but I just calmly dealt with her and told her I had to go about my day. I didn’t know why she was telling me her credit score. I don’t care about anyone’s credit score, except my own after it started out in a dumpster fire during my first marriage to a complete maniac. I told her I had to get on with my day. She left without showering to go to the pride parade with another partnered woman, and I went about my day.

Now I see how vulnerable I was and what a chameleon she was. She was changing herself on the first date to fit in with my family, she quit smoking, she presented herself as this put together sexpot. My marriage was on thin ice and my relationship with myself was lackluster to say the least. I was the perfect target for a narcissist.

She love-bombed me, my sister, and my best friend with accurate precision. She learned my weaknesses almost instantly and told me everything I had been wanting to hear my whole life - that I am attractive, talented, special. She validated me, paid me attention, and took on my identity. She started going to my hairdresser, went blonde when I went blonde, moved to my neighborhood from an hour away, got a job near my job, commuted to work with me, and threw herself at me sexually constantly. I could not resist the sex, I could not resist the attention. 11 years combined with distant men, and here is this gorgeous woman giving me everything. She learned how to make my sister laugh, and flirted heavily with my best friend who hasn't had a relationship in years.

I was enamored by her, she became irresistible to me, and I ignored how uncomfortable I was with her total lack of boundaries. I made excuses for her, that she was young and could grow out of it. I was terrified of my feelings. What does this mean for my marriage? This relationship I was getting completely swept away with woke my husband the fuck up. "Let's go to the sex toy store!" "Let's take a trip!" His fear of losing me made him snap out of taking me for granted. I was getting all the attention and validation from him. Our sex life took a drastic turn.

While I was falling in love with this woman and rekindling with my husband, I resisted her very much. I was scared to lose my marriage. I would tell her I couldn't be with her. It just made her pursue me harder, love-bomb me more. Finally, eight months into my relationship with her, we stayed at a hotel and slept through the night together for the first time. When I woke up and texted my husband good morning, I realized the world was still there. I felt more secure, like maybe this could be a thing. Maybe we can have two separate relationships after all.

She pushed and pushed and demanded that I stay the night with her more and more. She demanded I come out of the closet to my parents, my husband's mom, at work, and to my daughter. I did. I wasn't ready but I did. I was met with open arms and joy. I felt so much pressure from her no matter how much I told her I needed more time, she coldly demanded. Ultimately I am glad I am out now, but I wish I hadn't done it under such duress. But, I was already hooked and scared to lose her. She dangled leaving me constantly. I couldn't lose her, she brought so much excitement to my life. She brought so much energy to my sluggish existence. I am a very outgoing person by nature, but had turned into a couch potato. Being with this charming woman turned my city into a red carpet. All of my friends were ecstatic for me, my daughter could tell how incredibly happy I was.

I gave into the pressure. I started staying over at her place once or twice a week. She stayed by me a lot. When she stayed by me, I was not allowed to have sex with my husband. Sometimes she would stay five days at a time. I wanted to avoid her harshness, her mean coldness, her tantrums, and my husband didn't want to rock the boat either so we complied. I was growing very resentful of her controlling nature. I expressed my unhappiness but it fell on deaf ears and she would just throw herself at me or love-bomb me until I forgot temporarily.

A year and a half in, she disappeared emotionally. I didn't know what was going on at all. A mutual friend was a contestant on Rupaul's Drag Race, and while watching his instagram live video, I saw her in the front row with her hand on another woman's leg. This person I changed my entire life around to be with met someone else. And I found out in the most horrific way. She told me she had to meet someone because I wasn't nice to her anymore. I blamed myself for her cheating. I was so confused. Was it my fault? Why don't I like being around her yet I am terrified to lose her?

Looking back, I didn't even realize how mean and rotten she had gotten. All the charm she used in the beginning was gone, and our time together was tense and moody. All she could see was that I wasn't nice and she wanted attention so she met someone else. It happened so slowly, her charm running out, I didn't even notice. It's like she trained me to accept crumbs and abuse. My whole life trained me. Still, our sexual connection, and the rare fun moments kept us together.

Desperate to get that charming one back, I lavished her in gifts and trips. She'd always play that Bhad Bhabie song Gucci Flip Flops. I got her Gucci flip flops for Christmas. I just wanted that nice one back. She'd give me crumbs and I'd hang on every word. I was scared if I lost her, my husband would go distant, and I'd be alone with no one. I didn't want to lose either of them.

I finally told her that her negativity is impossible to be around. I finally told her I am not driving 100% of the time or paying for 100% of everything. I was sick of blowing up at her after she would bait me while having to foot the bill and do all the heavy lifting. She would post pictures on instagram to make me insecure and jealous. I would freak out at her. She loved it when I got mad. It was such a sick game.

I hated this angry person I had become. I told her I don't owe her my niceness just because we are technically together and if her answer is to cheat on me she can fucking leave. I begged her to stop baiting me and stop pushing my buttons. She actually heard me. She changed overnight, I think she wanted to do anything to get my love and attention. For a week she was pleasant, nice, she showered regularly. I couldn't keep my hands off of her. When she was positive and nice, my entire world was shining in the sun. A week later, she left without a word.

Eight days after she left me, we matched on Tinder. I got drunk at my sister's birthday party, and asked her to meet me for coffee. She asked if we could have lunch. She sat next to me at the table. I had no appetite so I didn't eat. She told me she was unhappy with the inequality, that I cared more about my husband from her perspective. I just listened and felt nothing. A week or two later she texted me and asked if me and my sister wanted to go out. My sister was done with her but I told her I could meet her. We had a drink. She looked absolutely haggard. We went to karaoke and she sang one of my all time favorite songs with more heart than I'd ever heard her sing before. It was 3am and I told her I had to go. We didn't kiss or touch at all at any of these meetings. She texted me when we were both in our ubers and asked me to come cuddle. I told her I couldn't. I asked her if she could come over next week. She said yes. In the light of day, she said she couldn't come by anymore.

Then she changed her number and I never heard from her again. She gave her number to my sister, so I put it in my phone and blocked it.

It's been two and a half months since the discard. I have been picking up the pieces, and seeing why I got so swept in this. Underneath all the dysfunction, I do believe the two of us did love each other at one point. I think her narcissism and my codependency were a match made in hell.

My husband and I are doing better than we ever have. We are on the same page for the first time about chores, finances, and we have sex every day. We talk about everything. We talk about poly, boundaries, how it should have gone, what we learned, and what we want in the future.

I know now I am extremely co-dependent. I am easily taken for granted because of this. I am a narcissist magnet. I am generous and I feel solely responsible for other peoples' lives, feelings, and my relationships. I have so much inner healing to do to feel whole and to get validation from within.

I met another woman and we are very slowly getting to know each other. She is independent, kind, ambitious, and I am not letting myself get too attached. I want to meet more people and decide who is best for me. I don't want to "test" people, but I am going to pay close attention to how people respond to boundaries and my needs. Already I am noticing such a stark difference with how narcissists react!

I fly to Miami tomorrow to tag along at this new woman's work conference. We are going out Saturday night, hanging at the beach Sunday, and I am spending Monday by myself in Miami. I haven't had sex with her yet because I am being cautious. I am using the trip to get away from the mess, be in the sunshine (it just snowed by me), and to have spontaneous fun. I do not want to jump into a serious thing at all, and she seems the same. She's never had a girlfriend and wants to take it slow too. My therapist helped me frame this by saying it's have sex and not get too attached right away. He said you can meet 10 people and having sex is how you get to know them and you may like 1 or 2. He said to frame the weekend as a "get to know you" trip and not to ask a million questions or divulge a million things, but you can get to know someone just by the way they are.

I have a good hold on myself after this learning experience and I am not going to let someone hurt me like that again. I don't know I've been grieving, healing, and reading a lot (and watching youtube videos) about narcissists and co-dependency. We are both textbook.

All in all though, we both amazingly left each other better than when we met. Her love-bombing and validation showed me how good I am and that I am attractive. I switched careers, lost weight, came out of my shell finally, and see that I am worthy of attention. My adoration showed her she is lovable and deserves unconditional love and a good life. She tripled her income, and grew up. I taught her the practical things of life and how to live in the city. I showed her acceptance and what family can be and I hope one day she does have one of her own. She showed me I am hot, interesting, funny, charming, generous and I deserve someone who is the same.

So now, I'm out as bi and poly to everyone in my life and at work. I can take my sweet time finding the right partner(s) for me. I can and will say no when I am uncomfortable. I am going to work on healing this codependency in me. I am never ignoring red flags again. I am loving myself the way I am while growing to be the best me possible. I am happy being out as bi and having a woman in my life, it makes me feel complete. But I am not going to pay for that happiness by giving too much of myself ever again.

Submitted November 01, 2019 at 08:18AM by shinebrightlike via reddit https://ift.tt/2C1CGvd