#if he only knew how old some of us were right?

[flowersforbucky]

where the lines overlap

logan howlett x reader (dofp!logan x mutant!reader)

word count: 8.7k

summary: no one gets under your skin quite as much as logan howlett - and he knows it, too. sex pollen trope.

warnings/tags: 18+ only mdni, smut, sex pollen so dub con, frenemies to lovers? they aren't enemies but logan and reader don't really get along, reader is a mutant with pyrokinesis, reader is afab, reader is described as being smaller than logan, no use of y/n, wet dream, fuck or die situation, oral, pet names (bub, princess), brief pain kink for logan, unprotected p in v, cream pie

author's note: takes place after the events of days of future past - so everyone's alive, charles is old af, and logan has a pretty streak of silver in his hair. not proofread super well so please ignore any errors.

There's certain things that you like to think about when you're pissed off. It’s a coping mechanism that you learned in therapy at the ripe age of eleven.

Go to your happy place or whatever.

For you, that's the mansion's courtyard after a fresh snowfall, and having the library all to yourself on a rainy day, and the comfort of your bedroom on one of the rare days that you aren’t teaching, or training, or on a mission.

At this point in your life, you’ve forgotten just about everything you were taught in that therapist's office. It's not like you had wanted to be there, but your parents had been worried and scared – and rightfully so. With the unexpected emergence of your pyrokinetic abilities came multiple accidental house fires born out of preteen angst.

So they did the only thing they knew to do at the time – stick you in therapy in hopes you would acquire some anger management techniques.

These days, you have a pretty good handle on your powers. With a lot of time and effort, you learned to control them – and not just control them, but yield them in a beneficial and productive way.

All of that progress comes dangerously close to going out the window anytime you're in close proximity to Logan Howlett.

Maybe all is an exaggeration – but no one else makes your fingertips burn hot with fire that threatens to break through the barrier of your skin quite like him. From his bossiness to his arrogance and attitude, you’ve clashed heads since the first day you met him.

Today is no different.

“Don’t use so much force.”

You curse as the tip of the blade impales the target a whopping three inches from the center. By far your worst throw yet, though this one isn’t entirely your fault.

You snap your head towards the unexpected but familiar voice, pulling your last dagger from the holster secured around your thigh before chucking it in his general direction. It flies past him, bouncing off the wall behind him.

You knew that it wouldn’t actually hit him. And if by some miracle it had, he’d heal in two seconds and then go right back to being a pain in your ass.

A good looking pain in your ass, admittedly. But a pain in your ass nonetheless.

He looks at you with an amused expression. “See? Too much force.”

“I didn’t know that having giant forks for hands made you an expert on throwing knives.”

He exhales a breathy laugh, staring at you for several seconds before turning to pick the dagger up from the ground. He then proceeds to collect the rest of the knives that you had previously thrown from the body of the practice target.

In heavy silence, he struts over to you with the daggers in hand. He turns to face a wooden target board, finding the balance point of the knife before sending it flying through the air.

Bullseye.

“A long time ago, when I first joined this team, Charles made me practice a non-power related method of self-defense, too.” He pauses, lining the second dagger up with the practice dummy. To no surprise, it’s another perfect throw.

“Wanna guess what I chose?”

You snatch the remaining knife out of his hand.

“How to annoy someone by sneaking up on them and giving them unsolicited advice while they are minding their own business?”

You position your feet once again, holding the knife up in preparation to take aim. Your eyes dart back and forth between the blade and the target ahead of you. You hesitate, feeling nervous under his gaze.

Logan moves from standing beside you, to standing behind you. Your breath catches in your throat as his large figure looms over you. If he were to took a step forward, his chest would brush against your back.

He uses the tip of his boot to nudge your heel forward half an inch, adjusting your stance. He takes your right hand in his, and you have to consciously remind yourself to breathe.

A wave of annoyance washes over you that he’s able to fluster you so easily. It makes you as pissed at yourself as it does him. He’s barely touching you – his hand dwarfing yours is the only point of physical contact, but you’d think that he were pinning you up against a wall with his body.

You tell yourself the sudden light-headedness and increased heartrate is because of the newfound closeness, and nothing more. You’re used to being around Logan – the two of you live together and work together. His general presence is nothing new. But the intimacy of your current predicament is.

And maybe the fact that notes of tobacco and bourbon are infiltrating your senses doesn’t help.

“As unsolicited as my advice may be,” he says lowly as he pulls your hand back slightly, “I give it because if there is ever a situation where someone's trying to hurt you, and you’re unable to light them on fire for some reason, I would really hope that you could at least impale them.”

He tightens his hold on your hand, and then snaps both of your wrists forward. Surprisingly, your brain registers to release your grip just in time. When the tip of the blade impales the center of the target perfectly, he drops your hand.

But he doesn’t move from behind you.

“Much better. Now come back upstairs. Charles needs to see all of us in his office.”

••••••

You and Logan are the last people to enter Charles’ office.

Storm, Scott, Jean, Marie, and Bobby have all found places to sit throughout the small room. Logan chooses to lean against the door that clicks shut behind him, while you exhale in relief at the sight of an empty chair on the opposite side of the room, next to Marie.

“Ah, how nice of you two to join us,” Charles greets. “I was starting to think that Logan got lost on his way to retrieve you.”

You force out a laugh, earning a side-eye from Marie as Charles launches back into whatever he had been in the middle of before you two interrupted.

“Everything okay?” Marie murmurs to you. “You looked a little sick when you walked in.”

“Oh, yeah,” you shrug her off without looking at her. You keep your eyes on Charles. “Yeah, I'm just tired. Been training all morning.”

What were you supposed to tell her? That you were thankful to be wearing a tactical suit so that Logan couldn’t see all of the goosebumps that bloomed across your skin when he was practically breathing down your neck less than five minutes ago? Or that the walk back up to Charles’ office was filled with a loaded silence in place of your usual bickering and banter?

Marie might be one of your closest friends, and you trust her, but Logan is something of a fatherly figure to her. There’s no way you’re letting her hear those words come from your mouth.

You try your hardest to focus on all of the information that Charles throws at you. You’re all to leave on a mission early tomorrow morning. When he explains where you’re going and why, chills run down your spine.

Alberta, Canada – more specifically, Alkali Lake. All of your friends seem to tense up at the mere mention of the place.

You dig your teeth into your lower lip, fighting the urge to sneak a glance to try to gauge Logan's reaction. You’ve never been to Alkali Lake before, and you’re far from excited about going – you can only imagine how he feels, given his history with the abandoned military base.

After no word of any activity surrounding the base for years, Charles had been made aware that the recent disappearance of a group of young adult humans had been traced back to Alkali Lake – to a modern day subsidiary of the group Weapon X.

The same group responsible for Logan’s skeleton being made from adamantium.

This, of course, is where all of you come in.

After a detailed rundown of the goals for tomorrow – the main one being safe extraction of the humans – Charles dismisses all of you to rest for the remainder of the day.

When everyone stands up, you finally risk glancing at Logan, but he’s already opening the door to Charles’ office and strutting away.

••••••

Thick stubble scratches your innermost thighs as sharp teeth and soft lips alternate between kissing and biting the sensitive flesh between your legs.

His face is covered in your slick from the three orgasms he’s already pulled from you with his tongue. He lays nestled between your legs, pinning you to the mattress beneath you. Your thighs rest across his shoulders, his hands splayed across your belly.

You're putty in his hands.

“I've gotta say, the sounds you make when you cum are way cuter than the sounds I'm used to hearing from you,” Logan muses against your cunt. His voice sends a vibration over your already overstimulated core.

You can only guess that the sounds he’s referring to are annoyed sighs and you telling him to shut the fuck up, but right now, you don't care enough to ask for any clarification.

“Yeah?” You yelp when his tongue flicks against your swollen clit. “Maybe if you spent less time pissing me off you’d get to—”

You're cut off by him plunging the tip of his index finger inside you. You writhe against him, your walls constricting around the digit.

“Less time pissing you off, more time letting you fuck my fingers and face. Got it.”

The slamming of a door somewhere outside of your room causes you to bolt upright in your bed.

You open your eyes to darkness except for the red glow of the numbers on your digital alarm clock that read 12:26 in the morning. Your heart feels as if it’s going to beat right out of your chest, and your skin is clammy with a thin layer of sweat. You throw your covers away from you in an attempt to cool yourself off.

“What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck—”

You whisper the three words to yourself over and over again until your breathing resumes a normal pattern.

You’re alone, of course. In the comfort of your private room, where you had fallen asleep several hours ago. The difference between now and then is an uncomfortable pool of wetness between your legs, soaking your underwear.

You can’t even recall the last time you had such a vivid sex dream. It felt utterly lifelike – you reach down between your legs, trailing your fingers over the skin of your inner thighs where you had felt his beard tickle and tease you.

How the fuck are you supposed to look him in the eye tomorrow, when you’re having to work together to rescue humans from Alkali Lake? How are you supposed to come up with smart-ass remarks for his endless taunting and teasing when you’re going to be trying your hardest to not replay the images of his hazel eyes looking up at from between your thighs?

“Get a fucking grip,” you whisper hiss to yourself.

It’s Logan. The same Logan who acted like he was too good to say more than ten words to you the first half a year that you were with the team. The same Logan that tries to get you benched for the dumbest, smallest reasons he can think of. The same Logan that condescendingly calls you kid or princess every chance he gets because he knows it gets under your skin.

You need a glass of water. And some fresh air, and a cold shower—

You start by picking up the pair of sweatpants that you’d discarded before falling asleep a few hours ago. You step back into them, deciding to trek to the kitchen for some ice water. Your mouth feels as dry as cotton.

As you approach the end of the hallway that leads from the team member's bedrooms to the kitchen, you hear the soft shuffling of footsteps and see low lighting that spills from the refrigerator.

As soon as you step into the kitchen, you come to a halt. You recognize the large frame standing in front of the open fridge right away.

Of fucking course it would be him. And of fucking course he wouldn’t be wearing a shirt.

You clear your throat to announce your presence, not quite trusting your voice to speak. He looks at you over his shoulder, a bottle of beer pressed to his lips.

You walk over to the cabinet beside him, keeping your eyes off of him entirely as you get a glass.

“What's got you awake at this hour?” He closes the fridge, leaning back against the edge of the countertop. The only light in the room now comes from the small, dim bulb above the sink.

If he only fucking knew, you think. If he only knew that the real reason you are out of bed right now is because you’d just woken up from an extremely graphic, jarring dream of you riding his face.

You fill the cup up with cold water from the kitchen sink and take a large swig before once again turning to face him.

“Could ask you the same thing,” you answer with a vague gesture to his half-dressed form and beer bottle.

He takes in your appearance, too. His eyes trail from your exposed feet, to your baggy sweatpants, and up to your even baggier t-shirt before settling on your face. You feel particularly vulnerable under his gaze right now. You compare how you look to how he looks – with his stupid abs that look like God himself chiseled them from stone and his sweatpants that hang just a little too comfortably.

You sip on your water just to keep from biting your lip.

“Guess we were both thirsty,” he shrugs as he takes another sip of his beer.

“Guess so,” you hum, and because you don’t want to fall into an awkward silence and it’s the only thing you can think to add, you say, “Nervous about the mission?”

His expression darkens and posture tenses at your question. “I am,” he admits. “And if you knew as much as I do about that place, you’d be nervous, too.”

You huff. Your grip tightens around the glass in your hand at the mere insinuation that he knows your feelings. “Who says that I’m not?”

“If you’re going, you’re not nervous enough.”

You fight the urge to roll your eyes. You take a deep breath, knowing damn well the direction that this conversation is headed. You’d heard it all from him before – anything to keep you as far away from him as possible.

“Of course I’m going, Logan. Whether you think I’m good at it or not, it’s my job.”

“It’s not that I don’t think you’re good at your job. It’s about experience—”

You laugh, cutting him off. You can feel the telltale warmth of fire beginning to form beneath the tips of your fingers, your irritation threatening to bubble over.

“Experience?” you exclaim. “Do I need to remind you that I’ve been with this team for three years now? Just because I’m not two hundred years old like you doesn’t mean that I don’t have experience.”

“I’m very aware of how long you’ve been with this team, bub,” he says calmly, which makes you all the more heated.

“For three years you’ve spewed every bullshit reason you can think of to keep me on the sidelines,” you laugh. “I wish you’d fucking admit that you just don’t like me. It’d be a lot more respectable than acting like you’re worried about—”

Logan’s gaze drops to the glass in your hand, making you come to an abrupt pause. You follow his stare, realizing that you’ve managed to melt the glass where your fingertips grip the glass. Water begins to leak out from the holes, spilling onto your sweatpants and the floor below you.

There’s no visible flames emanating from your fingertips. Your anger hadn’t progressed to full on fire, just intense heat, but still. No one else makes you come as close to losing control as him.

No one. And he seems to know it, too. You can tell by the smug look on his face.

You dump what little liquid is left into the sink before chucking the distorted glass into the garbage.

You start to storm past him, to get away from him and go back to your room without another word, when he grabs you by the wrist. You look at him in bewilderment – this is the second time in the last twenty-four hours that he has held your hand in his.

“Didn’t know you were so hot and bothered over me,” he says with an amused smirk.

You rip your hand away from him, an exaggerated look of disgust on your face. Your recent dream pops into your head and you have to remind yourself that he’s not Jean or Charles – he can’t read your mind.

“You're lucky that you've got those handy healing powers,” you spit as you once again begin exiting the kitchen. “If I thought there was a chance of it actually shutting you up, I’d burn more than just Charles’ vintage glassware.”

You hear him say your name, but you’re already speed walking back to your room and playing your list of happy place thoughts on a loop in your head.

The soup that Storm makes when everyone at the school seems to get sick at the same time. One of your younger students picking you a flower. The smell of fresh laundry, the crisp pages of a new book.

Finally, your bedroom door clicks shut behind you.

You would have been better off just enduring the discomfort of a dry throat, you think. You don't know what's worse – not being able to sleep because you're rattled from a wet dream about him, or not being able to sleep because you've once again allowed him to get under your skin.

You crawl back under your covers, hoping that when you close your eyes, you don't see his face again.

••••••

Logan doesn’t make any more appearances in your dreams for the rest of the night, but that doesn’t stop him from being the first thing you think of when you open your eyes in the morning.

And as much as you hate to admit it to yourself, the only thing on your mind the entire flight from New York to Alberta.

From the tension that filled the air when he corrected your knife throwing technique yesterday morning to the warmth of his calloused hand when he grabbed you by the wrist in the kitchen last night, you're fighting a losing battle with no one but yourself.

As far as you can tell, he’s utterly unaffected. The fact that he chose to sit directly in front of you on the jet instead of any of the other empty seats says as much.

Not even ten minutes into the flight, you're staring at the tufts of his hair and his broad shoulders when you have to remind yourself that there's two telepaths occupying this jet with you. Though you trust both Charles and Jean to not read your mind without cause, the mere possibility of either one of them accidentally tuning into your thoughts and seeing a replay of your most recent dream or hearing you think about what it would be like to tug on those stupid fucking tufts of hair that resemble kitten ears is enough to mortify you.

You find yourself grateful that you brought a book and headphones with you to distract yourself for the duration of the trip.

An eerie feeling creeps into your bones as soon as you step onto the hanger of the jet. You can’t deny that the scenery surrounding the military base is beautiful – from the snowcapped mountains to the frost covered lake, it’s picturesque. But then your gaze settles on the large dam, and you remember what lies beneath.

“Can't say that I've missed this place,” Logan grunts, drawing your attention to him. His face is impassive other than his mouth being set in a hard, straight line as he stares out towards the water.

It's rare for Logan to elicit feelings outside of burning irritation (and maybe, possibly, sometimes arousal) from you – but right now, there’s a part of you that wishes the dynamic between the two of you were different.

As much as he infuriates you, you still care about him. You wish you could say that you didn’t, but the fact that you feel the urge to reach out and give his hand a reassuring squeeze makes that pretty hard to deny.

That urge dissipates as quickly as it comes over you. The bitter chill of the mountain wind and your teammates voices pull you back to reality. You awkwardly fiddle with one of the daggers strapped to your thigh instead.

“Jean and Scott, the two of you take the west side of the building,” Charles instructs when the group nears the discreet entrance. “Bobby and Rogue, clear the east wing. Storm and I will be keeping watch outside to make sure that no one tries to escape with the humans.”

“What about us?” you ask with a slight nod towards Logan. The fact that neither of you had been given instructions yet leaves it to be assumed that you’ll be paired up together.

You and Logan working as a pair was nothing out of the ordinary, and although that typically comes with a lot of annoyance, right now you can’t help but feel a little relieved by it.

Even if you are still irritated at him for his behavior and choice of words in the kitchen last night and even if you do think of him between your thighs every time you look at him for more than five seconds, he’s still more familiar with this place than anyone else here.

And no matter how much he makes you want to tear your hair out, there's never a time that you feel unsafe when he's near.

“You and Logan are to inspect the basement,” Charles answers. “I trust that you can refrain from melting any antique personal property until we are back at the mansion, my dear,” he adds with a knowing smirk.

“I was planning on paying you back for that,” you mumble.

“No,” Charles sighs. “You weren't. It was very expensive.”

Logan snorts, earning curious glances from everyone other than you and Charles. He does get a nasty side-eye from you – a silent promise to deliver on last night’s threat to find something to burn other than vintage glassware.

Your teammates split up into their respective groups upon entering the base, leaving you to follow Logan's lead towards the lower levels.

It’s unsettling just how silent it is. The only sounds are that of yours and Logan's boots against the ground. You'd be able to hear a pin drop from across the building.

And it's cold. The kind of cold that makes your bones ache. You instinctively flex your fingers, focusing on the warmth that radiates from the tips.

As the two of you make your way through the dark, seemingly endless basement, checking each room for signs of life, you can't help but think of Logan being here under much different circumstances.

You don't know the full extent of his time here – even he only remembers bits and pieces. But you know enough to know that this can’t be easy for him.

The fact that he's being uncharacteristically quiet only reaffirms that. He makes none of his typical taunts and jabs, only speaking when absolutely necessary.

You find yourself damn near wishing he’d make some snide comment about how you’re walking too loudly and how being partnered up with you feels like babysitting duty – if he did, maybe then you wouldn’t feel this annoying, persistent worry over his mental well-being.

“Logan,” you begin quietly as the two of you approach a large set of hospital style double doors at the end of a corridor. “I know being here can't be easy for you. I'm sorry that you have to be.”

He huffs a laugh under his breath, not meeting your eyes as he slowly pushes one of the doors open, peaking into the room before stepping inside and holding the door open for you.

“Just part of the job, bub,” he sighs. “I know what I signed up for.”

You enter, walking past him into the dark room. You shine your flashlight around the cramped space. Right away, you can tell that it’s vacant, as all of the other rooms you’ve checked have been. But it’s different – whereas most of the rooms have been completely empty, this one contains multiple twin sized beds. No frames, no pillows, just plain white sheets on each one.

“I know you do. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard.”

The door clicks shut behind him, and he shines his own flashlight around the room from right behind you.

“It’s okay, princess,” he snorts. “I’m a big boy. You don’t gotta pretend to be worried about me.”

Princess. Your fingertips tingle as soon as the pet name leaves his lips.

“I’m not pretend—”

The sudden, loud clicking of a deadbolt echoes through the room, silencing you. You and Logan stare at each other for a brief moment, startled and confused, before he turns around and pushes on the double doors to no avail.

He slams the full weight of his body against the metal, but it doesn't budge.

“What the fuck,” he growls in between repeated strikes against the doors.

“Logan and I are locked in a room in the basement,” you say as you click on the communication device in your left ear. “The door automatically locked after we came inside. We can’t get it open—”

You’re met with white noise.

“My fucking comm isn’t working.” Panic begins to set in as you yank the device out of your ear to inspect it. There’s a small green light indicating that it is on, but for whatever reason, it isn’t getting signal.

“Scott? Storm? Can anyone hear us?” Logan says as he messes with his own communication device. “Nothing,” he grunts after a moment of silence.

“Professor? Jean? If either of you are listening, now would be a great time to poke around in our brains and let us know.”

Nothing indeed.

“Okay,” Logan says as he backs away from the double doors. “Blast them.”

“Blast them?” You repeat, dumbfounded. “They’re industrial metal doors. They’re like two feet thick. These walls are made out of concrete.” You bang your first against the rock solid wall for emphasis. “What the fuck do you think fire is—”

“I don’t hear you suggesting anything!”

“How about not setting the room we are trapped in on fire? Only one of us has regenerative—”

A loud hissing noise sounds from above, causing you and Logan to both point your flashlights up towards the ceiling. You squint, trying to make sense of what you’re seeing. Large vents make up well over fifty percent of the ceiling, releasing what appears to be a fog like substance. It quickly transforms the air above you into one large, milky looking cloud.

“Charles! Storm! Scott – we need help. Quickly, we need help. I don’t know what’s going—”

You continue to shout into the communication device while Logan alternates between punching the door with his fists and throwing the full weight of his body against the metal, but all of your efforts are futile. The doors don’t budge, and you hear nothing but static from the comm.

You frantically glance around the room, looking for another escape route. There’s no other doors, and no windows. You’re completely enclosed by the four concrete walls and the impenetrable metal doors.

“Hold your breath!” Logan shouts as the fog descends upon the two of you, but it’s too late. The sickeningly sweet smelling mist encompasses you, making it impossible to see anything other than the thick silver vapor. It infiltrates your nostrils, causing you to gag. You cough, desperately trying to clear your airway of the substance.

It burns – your throat, your nostrils, your eyes and skin. Anywhere that it comes in contact with you feels like pins and needles.

You’re vaguely aware that Logan is somewhere to your left, asking if you’re okay in-between coughs and gags of his own. You can’t catch your breath well enough to answer him.

His hand clasps around the top of your arm. Your vision goes fuzzy and you collapse into him, light-headed from the profuse coughing.

“I think it’s dissipating,” Logan whispers in a strained voice, still supporting you so that you don’t fall to the floor. You risk cracking your eyes open the slightest bit, and realize that he’s right. There’s still a veil of mist surrounding you, but it’s no longer so opaque that you can’t see even two inches in front of your face.

You take deep breaths, making no effort to step away from him as you attempt to regain control of your breathing. Your lungs feel like they are on fire and your throat feels like you haven’t had any water in days.

“What the fuck was that?” Your voice comes out as a croak.

“Can you stand?” he asks you. You nod, reluctantly pulling away from his embrace.

As soon as he steps away from you to see if the doors are still locked, the momentary relief that you felt when the fog began to dissipate is replaced with renewed terror. The room, which was previously dark except for the light from your flashlights, suddenly glows a deep red color from the ceiling that now emits crimson fluorescence.

You open your mouth to call out for Charles or Jean again, when a throbbing sensation radiates throughout your gut. You clutch your hands over your abdomen, gasping at the sudden and awkward feeling.

Logan turns his attention away from the doors and back to you as soon as he notices how you’re hunched over. You stumble over to the bed that's closest to you, the world blurring around you in shades of red.

“Something is wrong,” you gasp out. You know you're stating the obvious – something has been wrong since the moment that the doors locked behind you.

He's next to you in two long strides, kneeling beside the bed and looking up at you in concern. The ache in your lower belly seems to worsen with his close proximity. Your skin feels feverish, making you want to peel your tactical suit off of your body.

“Tell me what you're feeling,” he demands. Other than obvious confusion and fear, he appears physically fine. You piece together that whatever that shit was, it’s effecting you much differently than it is him – undoubtedly due to his healing abilities.

You can't form a coherent sentence – all you can focus on is the way that the discomfort in your abdomen travels down to your groin, making you clench your thighs together. You have the inexplicable desire to reach out and pull him to you, as if having him as close as possible to you is the only solution for every uncomfortable thing happening to you.

“You gotta talk to me, bub. Tell me what’s going on,” he says when you don’t answer him. He puts a hand just above your knee and you have to hold back the whimper that threatens to break through your lips. He notices your pained expression and quickly withdraws his hand from your thigh.

“No!” you gasp, grabbing his hand in yours out of desperation to maintain some level of physical contact with him. “I – I don't know how to explain what’s happening. Just – I just need you to keep touching me. Please. Whatever that fog was, it’s making me feel like…”

You trail off, realizing that you must sound every bit as insane as you feel. You don’t know how to begin articulating what’s happening to you, because it makes no sense. When the silver mist first started to rain down from the ceiling, the last thing on your mind was Logan pinning you to one of these mattresses and railing you until you until you see stars. Now, you think that if he so much as stops holding your hand, you'll fucking die.

A look of clarity washes over Logan’s face – with a hint of something else that you can't quite pinpoint, too.

“I think I know what this is,” he murmurs. His stare is locked on one of the daggers strapped to your thigh. He squeezes your hand in his, though you don’t know if it’s to comfort you or himself.

“I’ve heard of this before. Didn’t know it actually exists. I came across it once when preparing a lesson on Alkali Lake—”

“What is it?” you implore.

His eyes finally flicker back up to yours. Images of last night’s dream flash through your mind again. Instead of his hand holding yours, you visualize his slender fingers pumping inside you. You stare at his lips, imaging the feeling of them sucking love bites into the meat of your inner thighs –

“It’s a chemical created for breeding experiments,” he answers after a pregnant pause. “They – Weapon X – wanted super mutants. Some of the subjects were… less than compliant. This made it so that they weren’t able to fight it.”

You let his words sink in. It’s not something you’ve ever heard of, but you don’t doubt that what he’s saying is true. How could you, with the way that your pussy is throbbing at the mere sound of his voice? Under normal circumstances, you might not read too far into that. But right now? On a mission, locked in a creepy basement, unable to get in contact with your teammates?

“Weren’t able to fight it,” you repeat slowly. “You're saying there’s only one way out of this.”

He doesn’t answer – just looks at you with sympathy. With pity.

“No,” you shake your head. You yank your hand from his grasp and move back across the mattress as the gravity of the situation hits you. To distance yourself from him feels like ripping air out of your own lungs, but the alternative is borderline unthinkable.

“I can’t – won’t ask that of you,” you declare. There’s a voice in the back of your mind that laughs at you, as if saying it’s cute that you think you have a choice. The pain and longing grow with each passing second, threatening to consume you from the inside out.

“You’re fine. It would be different if it was both of us. But you shouldn’t have to do this just because you're stuck here with me.”

“Have to? You make it sound like it would be a punishment for me,” he chuckles darkly. He finally rises from where he had been kneeling next to the bed. He stands beside the mattress, looming over you in the maroon lighting.

“Let’s not overcomplicate this, princess,” he murmurs. He grasps your face in his palm and tilts your head to look up at him. His touch is a balm – it feels like running a burn under a cold stream of water.

“I'm gonna take care of you, and then you can go right back to tolerating my existence.” He runs the calloused pad of his thumb over the swell of your bottom lip. Your eyes flutter shut, reveling in the sensation of the singular digit against your flesh.

“Besides, it’s not like you haven’t dreamed about this. Or were you moaning about someone else who just happens to have the same name as me last night?”

Your eyes shoot open at the revelation that not only had you said his name in your sleep, but he’d fucking heard you. And has the nerve to tease you about it at a time like this.

He's smirking down at you. His smugness irritates you often, but right now it’s enough to cause the tips of your fingers to burn hot. You jerk his hand away from your face, causing him to hiss when your fingers wrap around his wrist.

He chortles, his eyes rolling back in his head at the sensation. The reaction fills you with annoyance – of course he would have a fucking pain kink.

As much as it pisses you off, it also spurs you on. Blame the influence of the chemicals that you’re currently under, but the fact that he can so easily tolerate and even enjoy something that would have anyone else running in the opposite direction does something to you.

You’re past the point of finding it in you to care about consequences. You’re no longer thinking about how you’ll be able to look him in the eye when this is over, or how you’ll pretend like everything is perfectly normal when the two of you are back on the jet with your teammates.

Maybe you can fight this drug, or maybe he’s right and there’s no point in trying. Either way, you’ve decided that you're going to have him before you leave this room.

You drop his hand, bringing yours to the zipper at the neckline of your tactical suit. You slowly tug it downwards, gauging his expression as he watches you expose your chest and stomach.

For once, he’s all out of smart remarks.

A part of you feels a sense of satisfaction and wants to continue taking your time with undressing yourself, just to keep him looking at you like this – but every fiber of your being is screaming at you for more.

You waste no more time with shoving the restrictive Kevlar material down your arms, leaving you in only your bra from the waist up. Logan unfreezes at the sight, crawling onto the bed on his knees. You maneuver yourself so that you’re laying flat against the mattress, pulling him down with you.

He rips the fabric of your bra away from your breast, immediately attaching his mouth to your nipple. He rolls it between his tongue and teeth, causing you to arch your back into his touch. Your legs instinctively wrap around his hips, pinning yourself to the mattress with his body. You mewl at the feeling of your pebbled nipple in his warm mouth.

His other hand attempts to free the opposite breast, but the fabric is too tight and restrictive. He let’s out an annoyed growl, pulling back to unsheathe his claws and snip the material in between your tits, letting them spill free.

“Hey! I loved that bra—”

Your complaint dies in your throat when he slates his lips over yours.

There’s nothing slow or sensual about the way that he kisses you. He slips his tongue past your lips, moving his lips with fervency and urgency – like he needs this as badly as you do.

You buck your hips up into him, desperate for any amount of friction. He grinds down against you, his erection evident even through the thick material of both of your tactical suits.

He pulls back, breaking the kiss to unzip your suit the rest of the way down. He peels it down your thighs, only stopping to discard your boots. When you’re left in only your underwear, he looks at you with a satisfied smirk.

“So, what exactly was I doing in your dream to have you saying my name like that, huh?” he asks as he toys with the waistband of your panties.

You roll your eyes, your patience growing thinner as the ache in your belly grows stronger. He can tease you about that all he wants when you’re back in the safety of the mansion, when you’re no longer under the influence of potentially life threatening chemicals and capable of thinking of a proper comeback.

“Shut up and eat me out.”

His smirk only grows, but he doesn’t tease you any further. He tugs your panties down your legs, tossing them to the floor. He lowers himself onto his stomach, still fully dressed. Under less dire circumstances, you would’ve been eager to get him out of his clothes, too – but right now, your highest priority is feeling his mouth on you.

No wet dream could have prepared you for how euphoric it actually feels for his teeth to nip at the tender flesh of your inner thighs, or the way that his tongue draws lazy circles at your hole before his lips lock around your clit.

You writhe against him, chasing the release that you’ve been desperate for since the second the vapor first came in contact with your skin. He’s more than generous, expertly nursing at your swollen bud as he eases a slender finger inside your cunt.

One finger – that’s all it takes to feel your climax building, the coil in your lower belly tightening. You feel your walls pulse around the digit as your orgasm washes over you. You don’t even try to hold back your cries and praises of pleasure, letting him know how good he’s making you feel.

When he sits back, his lips and beard glisten with your slick in the red glow that encases you both. You push yourself into a sitting position and reach for the zipper of his suit, antsy to shed his clothing now that your physical discomfort had been quelled – at least for the time being.

He helps you, shrugging out of his vest and tugging his undershirt over his head. Your mouth goes dry at the sight of him. You’ve seen him shirtless before, but never shirtless for you. You want to dig your nails into the planes of his chest, and run your tongue along the protruding vein that disappears beyond the waistline of his pants –

You undo his belt buckle and pop open the button of his pants before hastily yanking both his pants and boxers down in one movement. His cock springs free, bobbing inches before your face. You start to adjust your position on the bed – to get on your knees and take him in your mouth – when a low chuckle causes you to pause and look up at him.

“Nuh-uh,” he tuts, earning a confused pout from you.

“You don’t want me to suck your dick?” You ask with raised brows.

“S’not about me right now, bub. I said I was gonna take care of you, and that’s what I’m gonna do. Now lay back down for me.”

You aren’t going to argue with that.

You return to your original position on the mattress, pulling him down with you. He hovers above you, using one arm to support himself on the bed. He takes his cock in his free hand, stroking his length a few times before nudging his head through your folds until he’s lubricated in your juices.

“Don’t you worry, though,” he murmurs against your lips. He teases his tip at your hole. “If you still wanna suck my dick when we get out of here, I'll let you.”

“Oh, you’re so thoughtfu—”

He sheaths himself inside you, turning the end of your retort into a gasp. He fills you entirely, stilling to allow both of you time to adjust to the sensation. The stretch is damn near blinding, making your eyes roll back into your skull. You glance down between your bodies, halfway expecting to see him jutting out of your stomach.

He fucks you similarly to how he kisses you – like this is saving him as much as it is you. It's rough, and fast, and messy – and you dread the moment that it’s over.

No one has ever filled you as completely and perfectly as him. You don’t think anyone else ever will, again.

Each drag of his cock along your walls has you clenching around him, each time his head rams against your cervix you can’t help but cry his name.

He snakes his hand in between you, reaching down to where his body collides with yours. His thumb massages over your sensitive clit.

You rake your nails down his back and he hisses in approval, snapping his hips into you at a brutal pace.

“Fuckin’ ruinin’ me for anyone else, princess,” he grunts before kissing you again.

You don't have time to overthink the sentiment before your second orgasm is washing over you. Logan cums as soon as he feels your pussy pulsating around him, fucking you until he's spilled every last drop of his warm seed deep inside you. When you're both finished, he stills inside you and rests his sweat-slicked forehead against yours as he catches his breath.

“You think it worked?” he grunts.

As if on cue, you hear the deadbolt unlock from the other side of the room. A second later, Storm’s voice sounds from your communication device that had fallen to the floor at some point.

“I don't feel like there’s a ticking time bomb inside my vagina anymore. So, I’d say yeah, it worked.”

He huffs a laugh, and then pulls out of you with a sigh.

“Logan,” you say, stopping him before he can pull away from you entirely. He stares down at you, waiting for you to continue.

You aren’t even sure what to say. Truthfully, you just weren’t ready for the moment to end and for things to go back to normal between the two of you.

“Thank you,” you spit out after a moment of loaded silence. “For… helping me,” you finish lamely.

“Don’t thank me, bub,” he chuckles. “It’s far from the worst thing that's happened to me in this place.”

••••••

You sleep the entire flight back to New York.

And as soon as you've showered and your head hits the pillow after returning home to the mansion, you sleep for another ten hours. Every time you wake up and think that you're finally well-rested, your body says otherwise and you're asleep again within minutes.

You wish you could say it’s a dreamless sleep, but that would be a lie. You see Logan’s face every time you close your eyes.

But it's different than the last dream you had of him. It isn’t images of his head between your thighs or his fingers slipping in and out of you.

It’s just.. him. His presence. The lingering feeling of his lips on yours, the light flavor of tobacco and menthol.

And the echo of the words he spoke as he teased you with the head of his cock and made you cum around his length.

“Don’t you worry, though. If you still wanna suck my dick when we get out of here, I’ll let you.”

“Fuckin’ ruinin’ me for anyone else, princess.”

When you wake, the ache between your thighs for him remains, despite the fact that the effects of the drugs had long since faded.

You know you shouldn’t read too far into words spoken while the two of you were locked in that room. But you can’t help but keep thinking that he wasn’t under the influence of chemical subjugation. Which leaves you questioning if he meant the things he said, or if he was just trying to lighten a scary, impossible situation for both of you.

You suppose there’s only one way to find out.

When you finally gather the courage the knock on his door, the sun has set and everyone has retired to their bedrooms for the evening.

You almost dash back into your own room during the few seconds that it takes him to open his door. He wears sweatpants, a plain black t-shirt, and a surprised expression.

“Hey, bub,” he greets you apprehensively. You don't normally make a habit of stopping by his room for late night chats. “Was starting to worry that you’d fallen into a coma.”

He opens his door wider, motioning with his head for you to come inside.

“Felt like it,” you give a small laugh. “Whatever was in that shit wore me out.” You take a seat on the edge of his bed, nervously wringing your hands together.

“You feeling better now?” he asks as he leans against his dresser, crossing his arms over his chest. Your eyes trail over the large muscles of his chest and shoulders. The memory of his body caging you to the twin sized mattress in the basement of the bunker flashes through your mind.

You nod, hoping that it’s convincing.

“All things considered,” you shrug. “I just wanted to check in with you. Has Charles… said anything?”

What you're actually trying to ask is if Charles interrogated him about where the two of you were during the mission, why no one was able to contact either of you, and why you have been so exhausted that you've done nothing but sleep for the last day, but you trust that he knows what you mean.

“He hasn’t said anything, but..” he trails off, eyes darting around the room to avoid your gaze. “It’s Charles. Safe to assume he knows and is just being decent by not saying anything.”

“Right,” you murmur.

If he doesn’t already know, it's only a matter of time before you slip up and imagine the feeling of his lips on yours or the sounds of his moans in the middle of a mission debriefing.

“And the humans..? They’re all okay?”

“They are,” he assures you with a soft smile. “They’re all receiving medical attention, and most have been reunited with their loved ones.”

You breathe a sigh of relief. “No thanks to us, I guess.”

“No,” he laughs. “I suppose not.”

He pushes himself off the dresser, walking the few feet to where you perch at the edge of the mattress. He sits down beside you, his thigh brushing against yours. He smells of Old Spice deodorant and spearmint toothpaste, and it makes you the room spin around you.

“But everyone’s okay. They’re safe. And you’re safe. That’s what matters.”

You nod, not trusting your voice to speak. He’s close enough that you can practically feel the heat from his body. You risk looking at his face, your gaze flickering between his eyes and his lips.

“Yeah,” you finally agree. “You’re right. Well, I’ll let you get some rest. I just wanted to check in with—”

You start to stand up, when he cups your jaw in his hand and pulls your face to his. He’s hesitant in a way that he wasn’t yesterday – he gives you the opportunity to pull away before he sweeps his tongue across your bottom lip, as if asking for permission.

When you don’t give any kind of indication that you want him to stop, he pulls you flush against him and slips his tongue past your lips. You bring your hand to the back of his neck, twining your fingers through his hair.

He takes his time with you. Whereas yesterday’s kisses were filled with urgency and desperation, todays is tender and sensual. Now, you’re allowed the luxury of taking your time.

He lays down against the mattress, pulling you with him. You straddle his stomach, your lips never once breaking contact. His hands grip the globes of your ass, his fingers digging into the meat through your pajama pants.

You grind against the hard planes of his abdomen, earning a throaty growl from him.

He breaks away, nipping at your bottom lip with his teeth.

“I said something I didn’t entirely mean yesterday,” he whispers, out of breath.

“What?” you ask, sitting upright and looking down at him. “You aren’t going to let me suck your dick?”

“No,” he chuckles. “God, no. I meant that. If you still want to, that is—”

“What is it, then?” you interrupt with a playful nudge to his chest.

“I said you could go back to tolerating my existence. But I hope you wanna do a little bit more than just tolerate me.”

You laugh under your breath, leaning down to press your lips to his once more.

“I could see myself doing a little bit more than just tolerating you.”

oooops i accidentally wrote another fic where logan overhears something that he wasn't supposed to 😅🫠 did not originally plan for that to happen hahaha

check out some of my other logan fics -

by the end of the night

dog tags drabble

[melminli]

ex, for a reason

summery - your boyfriend was the sweetest guy in the whole world, but maybe that was the problem.

pairing: kang dae-ho x fem. reader

word count: 1.4k

contains: modern au, angst w/ comfort, fluff

the request.

He really shouldn't worry about it as much as he did right now because the whole thing was just totally stupid, and all the stuff that had been going through his head was irrational. Dae-ho knew that and yet, he just couldn't stop himself from imagining multiple crazy scenarios in which you were breaking up with him - he didn't want any of this, why would he? The only heart that got broken in the process was his and it was all because of nothing.

Well, maybe there was this one thing, and that was that Dae-ho had been feeling a bit - well let’s just say - insecure about your relationship. He was very much aware of the fact that he had zero resemblance to the guys you usually date because he wasn't, well - he wasn't an asshole. You and even most of you’re friends make fun of it now that you two are together and it actually turned into some kind of inside joke that you broke the curse with him. Though, Dae-ho didn’t really feel like laughing about it right now.

This whole thing is so stupid, he thought to himself as he absently watched some show on the TV before he suddenly heard you laughing next to him. He just looked at you shortly and knew that it was probably because of something funny you saw on your cell phone. But, he just couldn’t restrain himself and had to remember the conversation you had a few days ago. He sighed again with a heavy heart at the memory because apparently, your last ex - some guy named Thanos? - had messaged you out of the blue and asked you what you were up to.

"Hey, look who just sent me a text. I thought I had blocked him everywhere?" you exclaimed, laughing as you shoved your cell phone in his face. Dae-ho just looked a bit confused at the message after he read it because he didn’t really get what you were talking about. He read it one more time, though, he was still kind of lost because it honestly just looked like a normal message, how was he supposed to figure out what was going on?

You then decided to reveal the whole thing since your boyfriend just continued to send you confused glances. "It's my ex. You know, I told you about him. The one I dated before we met."

Yeah, he could remember bits and pieces of that. "So, what does he want?" he asked, still not quite sure what was going on.

You sighed at his innocence. "He obviously wants to get back together.“

"Does he?" Dae-ho asked and was seriously surprised. He pointed at your phone while he talked. "But he just asked if you still had his old sweater, that could mean anything."

You waved as you laughed. "Oh, trust me. I know what that means.“ you assured him and thought back to the old days, which was something you didn’t like to do. „We were pretty much on and off in our whole relationship because I always tried to break things off after fighting - but then always take him back afterward. So, it just started to turn into a really bad cycle at some point, I guess.“ you tried to explain. „Anyway, he used to text me about some meaningless thing as soon as he wanted to get back together and this is one of those texts since he's also not the kind of person to send you a message if he doesn't want anything from you. I’m just surprised that he would try this again because I broke things up with him for real the last time, trust me.“

Oh. It felt like Dae-ho should be laughing at your ex's desperate attempt to get back together with you now, but he felt more like ugly crying, to be honest. „Yeah, that is pretty funny.“ he just decided to say with a forced smile on his face.

Since then, the whole situation just wouldn't let him go. No matter how hard he tried to. The way you told it, made it seem like you two got back together a lot and who was to say that maybe a part of you wouldn't want to try again - purely because of muscle memory? He wasn't the type to get irrationally angry over something like that, but he'd be lying if he said that all these negative thoughts didn't make him incredibly depressed the past few days.

"Hey, I know I've asked you this a few times now, but are you sure everything's okay?" you finally asked him when you noticed how he wasn't really paying attention to what was going on in his show. It was unusual for him to be so quiet when usually some comment about what was happening would leave him every minute.

He just nodded under his breath. "Yeah, yeah, everything's fine," he said, feeling guilty again for being the way he was right now.

You moved a little closer to him and hugged him lightly from the side. "You're lying and I'm tired of waiting for you to come to me on your own because, as you know, I'm not the most patient person on earth."

He avoided your gaze guiltily. "It's stupid."

"It's clearly not, because you've been acting like a depressed housewife for days."

He laughed lightly along with you at that little joke of yours. "And how is that supposed to look like?"

You smiled. "You know, you're like you always are - you make dinner, you bring me my favorite tea, but you sigh very loudly every now and then plus you're also a bit distant." you continued to broach the subject in a slightly joking manner to get rid of the heavy air around you two.

Of course, you would be aware of his bad mood. "Well, I just noticed that I'm not like the other guys you've dated before," he whispered casually while playing with the fabric of his shirt. Even though, you both knew that it seemed to be a topic that was bothering him.

You nodded. "So?" you just asked him, thinking something other would follow since you couldn’t see what the problem was. Though, there didn't seem to be anything more coming. "That's all? You’re upset because you're not like my shitty boyfriends in the past?" you repeated a bit in disbelief.

Dae-ho looked to the side, embarrassed. "I told you it was stupid..." he whispered. "I just don’t want you to think that I’m boring or something…"

You just took him in your arms and tried to suppress your laughter so as not to add salt to the wound. "I didn't mean it like that, but I'm telling you this now because you obviously to need to hear it," you said as you placed a kiss on his head. "You're not boring. You’re the sweetest boyfriend in the whole world and I would never trade you for any of my past relationships. I love you and I've never even said those words to any of my exes, did you know that?" you asked him, watching as he slowly looked up to you. "…really?" he asked you shyly, even though you had been together for a while now.

You smiled. "Really," you assured him and were glad to see your boyfriend in his normal happy state again. However, you then remembered the conversation you had a few days ago. "Was this whole thing about Thanos? You don't have to worry about him. I hate that guy, he like probably cheated on me more times than he admitted." you laughed and stopped when something else came to mind. "Besides, I think he also stole some money from me..."

Dae-ho looked at you worriedly as he held you even tighter. "Oh my god, are you serious? You never told me that, is that why you broke up with him?"

You looked away a little embarrassed yourself this time and didn't dare to confess to him that it had unfortunately taken a lot more than that for it to end between the two of you. Those weren't your proudest moments in your life. "Yeah, sure..."

But who cared about all that, right? You were the happiest you could ever be with Dae-ho and that was all that mattered. Maybe you should remind him more of that because he really didn't deserve to feel inferior to someone like that damn Thanos.

[slu7formen]

luke castellan x fem!reader

luke finds you after you went missing in quest. on the way back home, luke’s determined to take care of you.

warnings: mention of weight loss, wounds, bl00d, just overall crying, reader and luke shower together 🫣, intimacy, kinda angst ???? idk it’s one of my first times writing this

There was a tense silence in the car. The cold night air hitting your face was refreshing yet you couldn’t bring yourself to get rid of that nauseous feeling in your stomach and throat. Luke occasionally darted his gaze to you, but quickly looked back to the road, almost as if checking if you were still there or not.

"We´re almost there" he blurted out suddenly, glancing at you again. He´s been like this since he found you, trying to get you to talk, but you wouldn´t say a thing. It was ironic, how you used to spend so much time with Luke when you were younger and how he went through hell and back just to find you and yet, you were unable to form a word. Luke didn´t blame you though. He understood you more than anyone else. He didn´t want to talk to anyone when he came back from that quest that condemned him with more than one scar for the rest of his life.

And seeing you like this now, it was only like looking at his own reflection. He saw in you what everybody saw in him at seventeen.

The dirt on your clothes, or what was left of it, you were covered in a soft white blanket that Luke found in the back of the car. The dirt on your skin, your hair, under your nails. You didn´t have any old wounds visible, but fresh ones that were made just a few minutes ago when you and Luke had to fight your way out the cave of that cyclops. It stained the blanket.

You´ve lost weight, too much. Only you know how many hours or even days did that cyclops leave you to starve, weakening you more and more. Your skin seemed fragile, like a thin layer of glass, and that was your only protection.

It wasn't a pretty sight.

It took him time to find you, like a week or more. Chiron was convinced you´d find your way out of that mission, but when two weeks became three, and three became three more, that´s when camp started to get worried. No one dared to follow the same path you did, except Luke. What could he loose? Nothing but his own life. Chiron trusted him, and thank the Gods he did.

Luke couldn´t forget the sight of you when he found you, laying on the hard rocks, unconscious. If he hadn´t gotten there on time, you would have probably been eaten alive. When he lifted you up, he didn't want to admit the fact that you felt light, lighter than before. How weak he felt you.

He caught a glimpse of a tear when he got you into the car and put on your seatbelt, but again, he knew you wouldn´t make a sound. You both left the place silently, only trusting that Luke was driving you somewhere safe, that everything was over, that the cyclops stayed right in Tartarus where he belonged, and that Luke wasn´t going to be your second kidnapper.

At least the car, which was stolen, worked like wonders. The entire road trip was silent, sometimes broken by the sniffing of your nose or your uncomfortable movements. Luke couldn´t take you to camp, not yet at least, and as much as he wanted to, he also couldn´t. It was too far away now, and besides, you needed a proper rest.

"We´re here" he said as he parked the car. A solely motel stood there, on the side of the road, no sign of any other human or not human life around, just the dry and cold road, endless in the night. Luke knew this place was safe from any danger, he stayed there last night.

The receptionist didn´t even bother to look up and see that Luke was walking in with another person, wrapped in a white blanket and dirty. She just handed him the keys, her eyes glued to some fashion magazine.

The room was nothing special, just a small bed, a small table with two chairs, an old and uncomfortable looking sofa, a bathroom, and a closet. A tv was hanging on the wall, and a small fridge was standing in the corner. At least, you had a small balcony. You looked around, eyes trained and ready to decipher any type of danger, yet your head wouldn´t stop throbbing with pain, your eyes barely getting used to the artificial yellow light. Luke had placed his belongings on the bed, but as soon as your eyes caught them, he removed them and placed them over the table. "Sit" he demanded.

You obeyed, sitting on the bed and keeping a close eye on the older boy, watching as he opened the small fridge and brought out a bottle of water along with something wrapped in aluminum foil. "It´s what I have now" Luke stated, placing the wrapped food in your hands, if he was starved, he couldn´t imagine how your stomach was feeling. "I´ll get some more tomorrow, okay?"

You didn´t answer. Instead, you stared at the food. Luke was slightly startled when your fingers started to work rapidly around the foil, unwrapping the cold grilled cheese sandwich. You devoured it like a wild animal, taking big bites and barely even able to swallow before biting again. Luke chuckled slightly, placing a hand on your back, soothing slowly. "Easy there" he said, "It's all yours"

Your hands started to shake, your stomach protesting against the amount of food you were giving it after long weeks of starving. Tears started to prick your eyes, and Luke noticed. "Thank you, Luke" you sobbed out as soon as that sandwich disappeared. Your head crashed onto his shoulder, crying as Luke quickly wrapped an arm around you, "thank you" you kept repeating. Luke and you were close when you were younger, around fifteen or fourteen, but now a lot has changed. Yet, Luke never stopped looking after you.

It felt weird to cry on him. Your weeks of torture, pain, hunger and dirt and fear pressing onto Luke´s shoulders like a dark cloak, yet you couldn´t bring yourself to stop. You smelled the fresh air, clean one, how your back didn´t have goosebumps because you didn´t feel as if someone was behind you, waiting to attack. You felt safe and relaxed, but it was too overwhelming to feel thar way.

"Shh" Luke soothed, running a hand through your hair, "it's alright, I've got you"

And you stayed like that for a moment. You cried, and he held you. He knew how hard it was, and he didn't want to say anything that would hurt your feelings, so he remained quiet.

When your breathing evened out, your tears dried up and the shakiness of your hands died down, you brought yourself to stand up slowly. "I'm sorry" you whispered. You hated how your face got all red and puffy from crying, how the tears blurred your vision and how your voice sounded hoarse and shaky.

"No need," Luke smiled, "how about you take a shower?" he suggested, eyebrows rising softly.

You didn´t answer, Gods, you totally forgot what even a shower felt like. You suddenly felt embarrassed, what did you look like now? Your hair was probably way too dirty, all hard and tangled, not to mention the rest of your body. You were so disgusting, you didn't even know where to begin. That cyclops spat on you way too many times for you to not smell like his saliva, some of it even stuck to your clothes. Your breath must´ve been horrific, and you were sure you´d have to ask Luke for some extra underwear.

He stands up quick and jumps to the bathroom. You stand there, smelling your hair and immediately feeling as disgusted as ever. You hear the water running, Luke had turned on the shower for you. He must´ve noticed the way your eyes darted around nervously, a hundred thoughts and questions invading your mind in just a second. You wondered how much time you were there, standing like an idiot, for him to offer to turn on the water.

He came back quick, smiling softly and patting your shoulder. "It's all yours, don't worry, I won't watch"

You nod, a little embarrassed that you couldn´t even do the simplest tasks and he had to help you with it. "Thanks" you said again, removing the blanket over your shoulders and placing it over the bed. Luke watched as you walked away, the dried blood on your arms and fresh wounds decorating your pale skin like a canvas, he was sure he had some bandages or ambrosia to help you with that.

He sighed and threw himself on the bed, grabbing the remote and turning on the tv, trying his best not to think about you. He couldn't let his mind go back to the moment he found you, and the state you were in. It reminded him so much of him just a few years back. He promised himself to change, to not care, to foil his own heart with a thick layer of ice, but as soon as he realized how ugly things were turning after you didn´t come back, who was once his friend, that ice started to melt.

He wondered why were you even the one to leave in the first place, what were you thinking? Why did you accept the mission? Why didn't you say no? Luke couldn't bring himself to hate Chiron for sending you out there. It wasn't his fault, nor yours. You were young, and Luke knew it wasn't your first time either, but the danger was worse than any other mission you accomplished. He couldn´t stop thinking about you for some reason, maybe even way before you left, you were a part of his mind.

He was like an eagle, keeping an eye on you, watching, but never attacking. Never making his presence known. But then, the news of your missing broke his silence, his invisibility. It was just the same as if you were dead, and he was forced to watch as his friends cried over your absence.

"Luke?"

He jumped out of his position, startled by the sudden sound of your voice. The water was still running, he heard it, but you walked out of the bathroom with a towel around your fragile body. You were dripping little droplets, but you weren´t done, you weren´t clean. Still dirty, still bloody.

"What´s wrong?" he asked, maintaining his position on the bed.

"I-" you stuttered, embarrassed, "I can't do it"

Luke tilted his head in confusion "Do what?"

"Wash my hair, or- myself"

Your hair was wet, but not completely soaked, meaning you must´ve tried to wash it yourself but couldn't do it. "You can't reach it?" he asked, almost in disbelief rather than worry.

You shake your head, your cheeks red in embarrassment. You looked at Luke, and then at the ground, hoping that it would just open up and swallow you whole. "My arms hurt too much" you explain.

Luke stands up then, walking slowly towards you. As he does, you extend your arms to him, for him to see. Luke never noticed the purple rings that decorated your wrists, a clear sign of handcuffs or some type of chain. In the darkness of the night and the cave, he must´ve mistaken it with dirt on your skin, just as the rest of your body, covered in soot and dirt. He follows the path up to your forearms, which were a little better, but filled with cuts, fresh and old ones. He looks at your left bicep then, where a nasty purple bruise stood, three fat lines, just as fat as the cyclops’ hand.

Luke´s about to say something, that he understands, the he´ll help, but you turn around then. Luke sees the old wound on your other arm, your triceps, a clean deep cut probably executed with a knife or a pointy rock, the yellow, green and blue nebula-like image staining your skin.

His fingers tent to grab you softly, but he looks somewhere else. Slowly, he moves your hair out of the way, placing it over your shoulder softly. He stares then, looking at what the towel wasn´t able to cover. More bruises, although small, looked painful over your muscles. There were more cuts too. Scratches. Near your spine, a long pale pink stripe, stood proudly on your skin. It looked fine, but it must've hurt like hell, even more with such a slow healing. It would scar. If only Luke had come sooner.

"Get back in the shower" he demanded softly, placing his hands on your naked shoulders. "I´ll help you get clean"

You nod, not bothering to turn and look at him, but rather, just obeying. "Will you-, get in with me?"

Luke feels his heart race. He didn't mean to sound suggestive, no. His face was red. Your body was hot, he was sweaty, and the bathroom was filled with steam. His clothes started to stick to his skin, making him feel hotter and hotter, and the thought of being in the shower with you only made him want to slap himself and stay awake.

"Um-," he breathed out, trying to hide the way his voice cracked slightly, the way his throat went dry. "If you want to, I mean" he clears his throat, "I don´t want to make you uncomfortable"

"You won´t" you assure him. "But if it´s uncomfortable for you-"

"No" he interrupts you, way too quickly. "I mean, I´ll help you if that's what you want"

You don't bother to turn around, instead, you walk in the bathroom. Luke watches, his eyes trained on the back of your body, how some of your bones poked out slightly, the bruises, the cuts, the scratches. You close the door then, and Luke stands there, waiting. His heart starts to race and beat harder and harder, his hands sweat, his knees feel weak. He didn't even realize how bad his palms were sweating, and he rubs them over his shorts. Why was he so nervous? It wasn´t as if you were asking him to do anything weird, you just needed help and it was pitiful. You couldn´t even move properly, for God´s sake.

"You can come in" he hears you say.

He gulps, and takes a deep breath, closing his eyes and letting the air fill his lungs. He opens the door then, and walks in. He sees the towel hanging on the doorknob when he begins to remove his clothes. He grabs the edge of his boxers, wondering if it was really necessary to take it off. He takes a look at the shower, the curtain closed, the water running, he barely saw a glimpse of your shadow. Just the thought of walking in there made cold sweat drip down his spine.

He takes a deep breath, and removes his underwear. He figures that if nothing was meant to happen, and that you were fine with him seeing you, then he didn´t have to worry about you seeing him.

When he enters, the hot steam hits his body like a soft cloud, enveloping him in a warm embrace, and the water feels hot. He sees you, under the shower, the water running down your body, though it looked unpleasant. He doesn´t dare to look down or somewhere else that isn´t your face, yet he doesn´t feel like it´s a forced action. You make him comfortable, even when you´re in the most vulnerable state you´ll ever be in your life, he doesn´t feel anything else other than comfort.

You smile softly at him then, and he steps behind you. You hear him breathe heavily once or twice, but neither of you say anything. "Can I?" he asks then, pointing at the cheap motel shampoo. You nod, and let him do whatever he has to. It felt weird, having someone else take care of you this way. You didn´t know why you felt the need of him protecting you this way, but it wasn´t bad.

He pours some in his hands and places it over your hair, slowly working his way through the knots. You relax, the feeling was strange yet welcome. You forgot how pleasant and orgasmic showers were. He massages softly, avoiding to pull at any strand, and it feels nice. Soothing, almost. Your head throbs less, and the headache that had been bothering you since Luke took you out of that cave started to disappear slowly. His hands were gentle, caring, and his breathing was soft behind your neck.

It was hard for him, though. To pretend as if nothing was happening. His heart was beating harder and faster with each second, the blood rushing through his veins, his palms sweaty and his eyes wanting to look elsewhere. But he was afraid, he couldn´t risk losing his cool and making you feel uncomfortable, so he didn´t dare. He was thankful you were facing away, that way, you couldn't see the way his cheeks blushed.

"Thank you" you whispered, the water running down your face and hair. Luke had managed to get rid of all the knots in your hair, and you felt so much better already.

"Don't thank me" he replied, letting the shampoo fall of your hair to cleanse. He took the little bottle again then, and repeated the process. He figured that just one round of shampoo wouldn´t be enough for you.

He followed the same path with the hair conditioner. He looked down briefly when he was done, careful not to go too low, but he noticed the dirt still lingering on your skin, the one that the splash of hot water couldn´t clean. He grabbed the soap then, and lathered it softly in his hands. His eyes lingered on the scars that decorated your body, he wondered what did they come from, where were you hit and how, why did you get them and how did they look like before.

He got close to your ear, "Let me know if anything hurts, okay?" he asked softly. You barely look at him over your shoulder, and you nod. It was more than obvious that everything would hurt, even the water splashing on your skin, yet you wouldn´t complain about it all.

He pressed the soap against your skin, but he didn’t dare to touch you any more than that. His free hand remained in his side, away from you. You didn´t know if he was doing it because he didn't want to touch you, or because he wanted you to tell him it was okay to do so, and that he was allowed to touch. His hands rubbed the soap, creating a thin layer over the dirt and grime. You closed your eyes. it was better to think of anything else other than the feeling of his hands on you, but you found your mind wandering to his body, only separated by air.

His hand rubbed circles on your shoulder almost as a kind gesture for you to warm up, but you couldn’t help but interpret it more than that. It was such a small kind gesture, but your body reacted in such ways to it ― goose bumps spreading like wildfire across your skin, a shiver running down your spine.

You hissed when he started rubbing your back, the soapy water stung your wounds, the smaller they where, the worse it hurt.

Luke stopped. "Are you okay?"

You nodded, but it wasn´t convincing. "It just burns a little" you explain, little tears stung your eyes.

He understood, and continued. He was careful not to press too hard or anything, the last thing he wanted was to hurt you more. He watched as the soap did its magic, how it got rid of the dirt and grime that stuck on your skin.

He dared to step a little closer when he reached your neck. He felt warm, his hands were soft, his grip gentle. You felt like you could fall asleep in the comfort of his embrace, warm and soft, not daring to harm. You closed your eyes, the water running down your face. Your breathing was soft, and you didn't have a clue of what you were doing to him.

His fingers on your neck tickle a little, yet it feels as if the most precious touch someone could ever give you. It felt sweet, tender, and you couldn't help but lean into the touch. Just slightly, just a little bit, you let your hair fall. It reaches Luke´s shoulder barely, yet Luke feels a wake of warm comfort over him.

He feels the need to grab you, to hold you. He wants to wrap his arms around you, he wants to tell you it's going to be alright, and that he's got you, but he can't. Not yet.

The soap´s smell impregnates in your body. Though cheap, it´s sweet. It smells like peaches, a deep artificial version of it at least. It was relaxing, almost like a lullaby. He stops then, his fingers lingering over the bruise on your triceps. The cut looks a little better without all the dirt and irritation, yet the bruise around it remains the same. He brushes it softly with his thumb, like a comforting caress. It doesn´t hurt, so you say nothing.

That same hand travels up then, careful not to brush any other wound, not allowing himself to hear a single cry come out from your lips. The water´s still hot when he reaches your shoulder, and your breathing has slowed down, yet his heart beats faster than ever.

He lets himself get lower, his torso leaning into you, his head lowering. His nose grazes your shoulder softly, just a slight movement, almost an innocent gesture. Your skin was soft, delicate. And he lets himself go lower, his lips placing a kiss on your shoulder.

It´s small and tender, lasted less than a few seconds. But he stays there, his hair getting wet, the water dripping down the side of your body, like you and him got frozen in time. The waters keeps on running but the room is filled with silence, as if it had to be broken by one of you. You say nothing, nor him.

Luke doesn´t have the heart to pull away. He doesn´t know why did he kiss you, he doesn´t know why did he allow himself to be this close, but he wanted to do it again, and he couldn´t bring himself to regret it. It felt like the most natural thing, and he wonders if he had gone mad, if he was still sane or not. But you did not reject him, nor did you pull away.

Your hand is tentative when you reach for his, the one placed on your shoulder. You feel his chest pressed onto your back, and you can feel the heat coming from him, how the water droplets run down his hair, his neck and his face, and how his breath is soft against your skin, warm, and it tickles a little.

He kisses again, the same spot, and then once more. Your hand is warm in his, and your fingers brush softly against his knuckles, like an encouraging gesture. He kisses once more, and then his lips travel further up, reaching your neck, and the next thing you feel is his lips on your pulse point. They press there, and stay still. It tingles your whole skin, goosebumps travelling from your ribs to your toes, the feeling exciting you.

He´s the one holding your hand then, flipping it and taking a soft hold of your wrist, careful not to squeeze your bruises around it. He lifts your hand close to his face, but his lips travel directly to your wrist, maybe a little lower, kissing your forearm. Over the tiny cuts, the scratches. He doesn´t press, and he doesn´t hurt. The warmth of his lips is inviting, and his tongue is soft, the way his mouth opens and closes over your skin like a delicate flower. When you dare to look a little closer, to look at him, his lips go to your knuckles, pressing softly over the dry blood that stained your hands. His lips were soft, like a cloud, and tender. He kisses them all, so gentle and soft that it makes you forget about the pain, how sore you are, and it makes you want to touch him too.

Just from one of his kisses on your hand.

He stops then, his sweet lips separating from your skin, but his hand still held yours. He wrapped his hand around yours, your fingers curling inside the grip of his own, trapping it in his warm embrace. Your body still faces the front, the water splashing both of your bodies as you lock eyes with him. He presses his forehead to yours, and his nose gently brushes against yours, the tip of it going up and down your own.

Your hear and feel his breath, even though it feels steady. Your heart beats a thousand miles, and you can´t help yourself but to close your eyes and feel. He leans closer then, his lips inches away from yours, and you can feel his breath and taste the water that runs down his lips and his chin, and suddenly, the space between your bodies doesn't feel big.

But it was. Because when the distance was about to be broken and Luke´s lips would finally press against yours, you had to pull away.

He doesn't look upset, he doesn't look hurt, his expression doesn't change. He knows. And that's the best part, how he doesn't feel bad for the mistake. You pull away almost as if you were pulling yourself away from him fully, yet you didn´t. You stayed close enough to feel his presence pressing behind you, yet far enough for him to not be able to reach your lips. He lets go of your hand, and you can´t help but think of yourself as someone stupid. Such a warm feeling, such a comfortable and protected embraced, destroyed by you, and your fears.

"I, uh..." you darted, facing the wall, your wet hands pressed to your face. "I'm sorry, I-"

"No, it's fine" he said, his voice was still soft, yet the way his tone changed was noticeable. You could hear the embarrassment in his words. ¨You don't have to apologize, really. I'm sorry"

"No, don't-" you breathed out, trying to find the right words. You didn't want him to apologize for something he didn't do. It was all your fault. "I didn't mean to ruin the moment, it's just... I-"

"Really, don't worry about it" Luke insisted, trying to keep the situation calm. The water was starting to feel cold, and the room was getting less steamy, but neither of you bothered. He placed a hand on your shoulder again, careful not to startle you. "Can I still help you?" he asks.

You look down at yourself, how weird your body looked like this now. Almost clean. "It's fine, I can clean my... front"

You slapped yourself in your mind for that. Luke chuckled silently behind you. "Okay" he sighed. He opened the curtain and slowly stepped outside the shower, partly because he didn´t want to leave, and partly because he didn´t want to slip in the wet floor. "Let me know if you need me for when you're done"

You nodded, and then he was gone. As soon as he walked out the door, you leaned back, letting your head rest on the wall behind you. Your breathing was shaky, and your legs felt weak. The room was filled with the sound of the running water and the beating of your heart. It felt like a dream, yet you couldn't believe how stupid were you. The both of you naked? In the shower? You let him see you like this? What the hell were you thinking?

You felt a little desperate for human touch, that was a fact but, did you have to go this far? What if he thought you were easy? He probably felt pity, and that was why he was helping you. What if you made things weird between you two now?

You finished quickly, cleaning yourself up the best you could, but the process was long. Your body hurt, and no matter how hard you tried, there were still wounds that refused to be cleaned, and it only frustrated you more. You got out of the shower nicely though, wrapped in two surprisingly cozy towels. You noticed the unfamiliar clothes resting on a wooden chair that wasn´t there when you got in the shower. You recognized those sweatpants; Luke brought you clothes.

Luke was lying on the bed watching tv, some old crappy show that distracted him barely from the previous shower experience. You walked slowly, the pain on your legs was almost unbearable. "Um, I'm done"

Luke turned his head to look at you. He was dressed too, wearing a plain shirt and some old sweats. A toothy grin appeared on his lips, "Too big?" he asked, eyes darting down to your covered legs. You blushed a little, startled by the sudden confidence and embarrassed by the fact that you had to hold tight onto those sweats as you walked or else, they'd fall. You sat on the bed next to him, looking for some miracle hairbrush in the empty motel cabinets. You weren´t lucky enough. "I wanted to get you something to eat from the vending machine, but I didn't want to leave you alone" he explained.

You shook your head, "You said we were safe here but it only works when you're in the same room as me?" you suggest, jokingly.

Luke shrugged, "I was sent to find and protect you, so that's what I'll do" he simply replied.

You looked at him, and smiled. How could he be so nice after all the stupid things you've done?

"Don't worry, I'm not even hungry" you stated, completely ignoring his bravery. "I'm just tired, I wanna sleep"

"Sure" Luke smiled. "I'll just turn off the lights and-" he said as he stood up from the bed, walking towards the light switch. "I'll let you sleep"

You frowned your brows though. "Wait, you won't sleep here?" you asked, confused.

Luke reached the switch, yet he didn't touch it. Instead, he glared towards the other side of the room, where the old sofa laid. Now, it was covered in sheets and a pillow, a homemade bed. You noticed the way he tried to avoid your eyes. "I thought you wouldn't want to, you know..." he pointed the bed, followed by a quick scratch on the back of his neck.

You couldn't blame him, honestly. After what happened in the shower, he had all the rights to assume that. But that didn't mean you were okay with it. You didn't want him to sleep uncomfortably on the couch, nor did you want to kick him out of the bed. It was big enough for the two of you. Luke has been having quite rough days, you couldn't help but notice on his tired face. It was his first time resting properly since the mission and he was going to sleep in an old and creaky sofa?

You hissed with pain when you positioned yourself differently on the bed, Luke attempted to grab you as if you were falling, but you got yourself comfortable fast enough. "Don't be silly. Sleep on the bed" you said.

 Luke frowned his brows, followed by a shook of his head in denial "I don't mind sleeping there" he reassured, pointing the couch. "It's not even uncomfortable" he lied, remembering the way he struggled to make it into a bed. ¨At least the sheets are clean, I made sure of that" he added.

"Luke, stop it" you said, behaving tough for a second, "I know you want to sleep here. It´s a bed"

Luke stared at you for a moment, thinking of the way his body was already screaming at him to lay down and sleep. It wasn't that he didn't want to sleep there, it was that he wanted to. He knew the bed was big enough, but the shower incident had him doubting himself. Was it alright? Did you even want him there? Or was he invading your privacy? The questions invaded his mind like a disease, and the way you looked at him with pleading eyes was almost enough to convince him, but the last thing he wanted was for you to feel pressured.

"You saved me. It's the least I could do for you now"

Luke felt his heart melt, and he had the biggest urge to hold you and protect you. But instead, he nodded and smiled briefly. He pressed his sweaty hands against his sweatpants as he started walking, but quickly walked back again to do the previous task he didn't finish; turning off the light. You took the sheets of the bed and slipped in slowly, Luke helped you by holding your arms softly. He slipped after quietly, trying not to disturb the peace.

The silence hugged the room, the only sound erupting from a bunch of crickets outside and the low volume coming from the TV. It was a weird sensation, sharing a bed with someone else after being rescued from a cyclops’ cave, and not knowing what was okay or not. It felt wrong, yet you didn't want him to leave. It felt right, though.

"Good night" you whispered then, closing your eyes, the fatigue in your body screaming for a proper sleep.

"Good night" Luke replied, turning to his side, giving you his back. The bed wasn't small, but it wasn't that big either, yet he didn't dare to move a single inch.

You weren't asleep yet. You heard him for a couple minutes, his breathing, the way he moved slightly, how the sheets brushed against his skin. It was a little distracting, but you felt the tiredness take over you, the darkness surrounding you easily. Luke closed his eyes, but the only thing he could think about was your warmth. It was like an oven, and even if he was sweaty, his whole body was hot. He knew exactly what he had to do, what to say, and he stood there, in that abyss in which someone doesn't know what to do, if step forward or step back.

He needed to get it out of his chest, or else, he would regret it forever.

"I've always liked you"

His voice was barely a whisper, but in the silence of the room, it was loud. The air hitched on your throat. You turned your head to see him, but you only perceived he was turning his back to you.

"What?" you asked. Fearing that maybe, he was talking in his sleep.

Your heart began beating fast. It felt like the shower, a hot embrace.

"I've always liked you, yn" he repeated.

There was a moment of silence. Your eyes were trained on his figure, yet he didn't dare to look back at you. You felt a knot in your stomach, butterflies. Your breathing was calm, yet your heart was beating a thousand miles. Why was he telling you this now?

"I know you have a million things running through your mind right now and I know I'm being selfish, but" he said, words coming out like vomit, "I was so glad that I found you. I'm relieved that you're alive. I guess I'm letting all my emotions get in the way and that's why I'm telling you this now"

It was hard to formulate the right words. He didn't know what was going on, or what he was doing, he didn't know why. Maybe the heat had gotten into his head. It was stupid, the feeling, but he couldn't deny it. He knew that, sooner or later, he'd have to tell you.

Fuck, and if he was telling you this he was going to have to do it the right way.

He turned his body around once again, the bed creaking with his weight. You couldn't see much because of the dark, yet the tv light did just enough for you to see his glistening eyes.

"I know we haven't spoken in a while" he admitted, embarrassed. "But I've always cared for you and you know it. I realized why I cared so much after I lost you"

You stared at him, his brown eyes shining under the yellow light. He was right, the two of you didn't speak since a few years ago, but he was the one to blame. After his own mission, he blew everyone away, every person that tried to help him, including you. He though you did it for pity; he hates pity.

"So seeing you now, after nobody knew anything about you, it's just..." he continued, unable to find the right words. "I'm just glad I'm the one who found you. And I'm sorry about the shower, I-" he rushed himself to correct that mistake before you thought of him as a pervert. "I don't want you to think that I'm trying to do something with you. I wouldn't take advantage of you, and I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I know that-"

You cut him off, "I know" you said, reassuring him. You let your hand fall back, placing it over the mattress. "Gods, relax, Luke" you breath out.

You let your hand hover his for a second, until he took the initiative to brush his fingers against yours, carefully and slow. The warmth spread from his hand to yours, and soon, the contact was enough. His eyes darted down, and his thumb brushed softly over the bruises and cuts on your skin.

He had so many things he wanted to say, but none of them left his mouth. He'd have time to do it later.

"Thank you" you said once again. One more time before the day ended didn't hurt anybody.

The corner of his lip twitched in a small smile. "Let's get to sleep, yeah?"

"Yeah" you whispered, "But, can you still hold my hand?" you asked.

Luke chuckled softly, squeezing your hand softly, almost pressing it against his chest. "Anytime"

[drvscarlett]

About You Pt 21

Sebastian Vettel x Webber!Reader

Summary: Everyone knows about the history of Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber. But there's a well kept story within the paddock about Sebastian Vettel and another Webber. This is that story.

A/N: our final chapter! thank you so much for reading this series. will be now working on jenson's fic and maybe an about you special chapter if you folks like that??? hehe enjoy

About You Series

2019, Suzuka Circuit

Mark watched the couple have a table for themselves. The body language alone could talk about how delighted Sebastian was and how comfortable Y/N is back in his presence. He smiled as he sips his cup of coffee.

"Uncle Mark, who is the pretty girl?" Margarette asked.

The little girl didn't stop asking question after recognizing Y/N as the girl who saved her from getting lost in Singapore. It took a lot of begging for her to part ways with Y/N so she could talk to Sebastian privately. Mark smiles thinking how Sebastian doesn't seem to be the only Vettel that Y/N charmed now.

"My sister and your Papa's..." Mark answers and he debates how to answer Sebastian's relationship with Y/N "bestfriend, your Papa's bestfriend"

Margarette's eyes widened in surprise, "if that is Papa's bestfriend then why don't I see her a lot?"

"Its complicated"Mark sips his coffee again to hide his nervousness.

"Compwicayed?"

The confused look in her face seems to signal to Mark that its the first time that she encountered the word. Mark tried to wrack his mind a way to explain the situation to the kid.

"You'll get it when you get older"Mark assures.

"But Y/N should come visit me more often if he is Papa's bestfriend" Margarette insists.

"I sure hope so"

Back at the other table, the conversation seems to be more quiet as if they were both not sure which part should they talk about first. After so many years of waiting for each other, they just felt speechless because this moment seems unreal. Sebastian feels like any second now, the alarm would ring and everything will fade away.

"All those years? You were just here in Japan?"Sebastian could not believe it.

She nods with a shy smile on her face.

"The community is well nice here. A good rehab to help me walk again. People here respects privacy" she enumerates.

"And since when did you start walking again?"

"I think spring of 2017"Y/N recalls "It was not easy to walk again and it really was more of a mental strength issue.."

Her right hand fiddles with the necklace, a habit that she never outgrew. Sebastian finds comfort that there may be some changes in her life but she is still the same old girl that he met years ago.

His eyes trailed at the pendant on the necklace and that's when Sebastian noticed the familiar piece.

"You kept it?"

"Why would I throw it away?" she asked

"I thought you hated me" Sebastian knew that he deserves to be hated for everything he said that night.

"And I thought you hated me"she rebuts.

The driver immediately shakes his head sideways. There is a higher chance that he would hate himself before hating Y/N. It was frankly impossible for Y/N to do anything to make him hate her.

"I searched for you ever since I went back to my senses that I said some hurtful things that I didn't mean that night" Sebastian held her free hand.

The feeling of holding her hand again just felt right.

"I wanted to hold your hand again and we will go to your rehab sessions. I wanted to pick you up when you fall. I wanted to cheer you on when you take your steps again. But I wasn't there because my stupid words created a wedge between us" he continues.

There were tears on her eyes. Sebastian doesn't know it but she remembers all those times where she suffered alone. She didn't have anyone, just strangers or staffs in the hospitals. Maybe she have tried to imagine Sebastian being there for her as well during that time.

"But I'm not going to let you walk alone again, I'm here to stay. I promised myself to be a better man when you come back so you don't have to leave again. I promised that while you rebuild yourself, I will also do that so that when the time comes and we meet again, we can get a shot at this." Sebastian's words were determined and sincere.

Y/N looks at him hopefully. However, her eyes found the figure of little Margarette and remember the dilemma that she may put her through.

"What about Hana and..." she whispers "Margarette?"

"We're coparenting and Hana has long moved on with a guy in Switzerland name is Connor and they are pretty serious" Sebastian updates.

She nods in understanding.

"But Margarette, I can't let go of her" Sebastian admits "She is my world ever since we got seperated"

This time, Y/N's hand other hand found its way on top of Sebastian's. It was like a gentle way of her assuring that she wouldn't ask for that.

"I would never ask to seperate the two of you" she states "if you would have me then I would like to not just get to know you again but get to know Margarette as well"

It brings tears of happiness in Sebastian's eyes. It was like everything was finally falling back to places. Even if it took so long to happen, he was so glad that it was happening.

"We'll be okay?"

And Y/N nods.

2019, Interlagos

F1Gossips In a surprise turn of events, Sebastian Vettel reunites with Y/N Webber as they arrive together for media day

User11 MY PARENTS!!!!

User7 everybody stay calm, whats the procedure!!! User8 no one is calm, we have prayed for this for years

User9 they look so happy

User18 ikr, even if seb has a bad car, he smiles like he is a world champion here User17 and lets talk about how i was so happy to see Y/N again

User81 was there! and i saw her and i couldnt believe my eyes!

User5 she is so brave and she is so strong. we hope she feels the warm support

Webber Returns for an Australian driver

The paddock was buzzing with excitement as news spread around the return of the infamous Y/N Webber to the public eye. After disappearing for several years, she walks to the free practice of Interlagos with a rising australian driver, Oscar Piastri.

She confirms in an interview that she will be back to work with her brother Mark, who is currently Piastri's manager. After the successful win of Piastri in Eurocup last October, Y/N announced Piastri is now moving up to Formula 3 in 2020. The reason for their presence in Interlagos is purely out of the invitation of the Renault garage but she states its a way to motivate Piastri to find his direction.

"It won't be difficult to move Oscar up. I definitely think that in a few years or so then he would be competing here in Interlagos with the rest of the Formula 1 drivers" states Y/N.

When asked about her personal life, Y/N redirects focus towards Piastri's growing career. However, the clear joy from some of the old drivers have been evident with her return. Lewis Hamilton described that "it was nice to have an old friend back in the paddock" and Y/N has been photographed with the Mercedes driver together with Scuderia Ferrari's Sebastian Vettel in several free practice pictures.

2019, Yas Marina Circuit

When Sebastian called asking that he needs help and he sent a location for a very expensive jewelry shop, Mark almost had a heart attack. He probably broke all the speed limits just to get to the store at a records time and prepared his fist to strangle the German driver.

"Where is that piece of shit?" he shouts as he opens the door.

A startled Sebastian rises from one of the waiting area chairs.

"Do you have to be so angry?" Sebastian complained.

Mark tried his best to calm himself down. Thinking happy thoughts and world peace before he says his next few words.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Mark asked slowly "Why are you buying a ring?"

It was now Sebastian's turn to look at Mark as if he was crazy. Mark just kept his harsh glare towards Sebastian and it was like they were transported to those years when they were crashing with each other in Red Bull.

"Did you get her pregnant? I swear to God sebastian, I'm going to kill you right here and right now" Mark threatens.

"What? No!"

"Then why the hell are you buying a ring?"

"Because I love her"

Suddenly the buzzing of the shop suddenly goes quiet with the declaration of love of Sebastian. Mark's glare softened with the realization that maybe he overreacted and overthinked the whole thing.

"You thought" Sebastian catches on "That I'm proposing because I got her pregnant? Do you really think I will just marry her out of obligation?"

"Hey, its my job as a brother to overthink that all men are never good enough for my sister" Mark defended himself.

Sebastian shakes his head in disbelief

"Just help me pick out, I need your opinion because maybe the stuffs she liked changed over time" Sebastian went back to the original dilemma that he called Mark for.

Laid out in front of them were different cuts of diamonds in different designs. Sebastian was torn whether to pick something simple stone or should it be an extravagant as a marquise.

"They told me that I should give her something heirloom since its just an engagement ring but then I told them I already gave them that ring years before as a promise so this has to be different..."

While Sebastian is ranting, Mark was trying his best not to show emotions. He was reeling back to moments of a younger Y/N who wished to have her very own prince charming and now here she was about to be swept away by his former teammate.

"The oval one with the pretty blue diamonds all over it"Mark pointed out.

"Yeah, that was like the necklace I gave her for her birthday" Sebastian picks it up delicately "You think she will like it?"

"She would love it"

"Okay please ring this up and charge me" Sebastian instructs one of the sales assistant present.

Mark couldn't believe what was happening. A part of him was overjoyed to be included in the ring picking but there was this other part that knows that he will have to give her away.

"I thought you two are taking things slow?" Mark wondered.

"That we are but I just want to be ready" Sebastian agrees.

"Ready?"

Sebastian runs a hand over his hair, a sheepish smile on his face. It was the same kind of smile that he has whenever he talks about Y/N. Mark doesn't know how he missed it all these years.

"We waited for each other to be better version of ourselves. We gave each other time and now we meet again. We have some catch up to do and so but after that I feel like its just a few months before we level up this relationship" Sebastian explains.

Mark nods in understanding

"I'm really serious about her, Mark. I know I have been very stupid before but I have grown and I have learned. I'm not hurting her or even losing her ever again"

There was something that made Mark resign and give him the complete sign of approval. He knows how much Y/N have also loved Sebastian and maybe it was about time for Y/N to make her own family with him.

"Just take good care of her, she deserves good things"

"That's what I intend to promise her when I marry her" Sebastian assures.

2020, Circuit de Barcelona-Catalunya

A group of drivers were huddled up in a room and they were all engaged in a very serious conversation. One may think that this was a grid meeting but it seems like it was all centered to the whiteboard with the messy writing "how will Seb propose?".

Sebastian was actually quite desperate to ask help and initially he sent the message to the groupchat he had with Charles and Mick. However, he wasn't particularly tech savvy so it was sent to the grid group chat.

With everyone finding out the information, everyone is pitching in their ideas.

"I know, you should set up a picnic and then propose to her while eating" Daniel suggested.

"And then a bee or a wasp will invade their space and it will ruin the whole thing" Kimi countered.

"What about a stargazing" Charles pitched in "And then you get this telescope and then she looks at it then you get on one knee and when she looks back at you she is surprised"

"That's actually a good idea" the room murmurs in agreement.

"But what if there are no stars?" Sebastian worriedly asked.

So there goes the stargazing idea scratched out in the perfect proposal plan.

"Just propose to her at a Grand Prix" Lewis suggested "We're always in a Grand Prix"

"But its too much attention and I'm sure they want this to be intimate" the young Max Verstappen voiced out.

"But isn't it romantic to have a grand gesture at the place where their love story revolved?" Carlos backed up Lewis' suggestion.

The Red Bull driver shrugged in response.

"I think the best way of proposing would be in your flat or when you are feeling domestic, its a moment for you two and its going to give you a more real speech without all the fanfares and pressure" Max explained.

Charles shakes his head violently.

"No, you see this is why romance is dead." Charles argues.

The whole room was chaotic and ideas were pitched left and right. Sebastian felt like banging his head to the table but the heaviness of the box in his pocket is much more heavier.

"I still can't believe you didn't try to propose during the holidays" George exclaimed "That would have been perfect and no fuss at all"

"He tried to but then he got food poisoning during Christmas and flights got cancelled for New Year" Mick retells the unfortunate story.

"Maybe its the universe way of telling you that its not the right time"Sergio joked.

It immediately earned him a kick for his chair from Charles and Mick.

"We have waited for this for years so don't jinx it" Charles whined.

Their whole meeting was interrupted by a knock, a steward announced that the testing will commence in 10 minutes so they should be back to their garages.

"Don't worry Seb, we will help you out on this" Kimi patted his former teammate's back.

"Consider my suggestion" Max insists.

2020, somewhere in Japan

Usually its already halfway through the season already but June rolls in without any races. The whole world seems to stop because of the pandemic and its something very frustrating for most. However, here in Japan, Sebastian and Y/N were locked down since March and somehow they are enjoying the domesticity of life.

"Isn't it my shift today to cook?" Sebastian asked as he saunters to the kitchen.

The smell of a freshly cooked breakfast made him smile. He is still getting used how lucky he was that he gets to wake up with this kind of view.

"It was but you had a long round of meetings last night so I figured I'll do the cooking today" Y/N smiled.

Sebastian hugs her from behind and clings to her as she cooks.

"How was your meeting last night?"she wonders.

"Ehh could have been an email" Sebastian shrugs "And maybe I need to get back in shape to race for July"

Worry flashes across her face and it was not missed by Sebastian. She knows how much he misses racing but she wanted him healthy and safe.

"July, isn't that too soon? Is it safe?" she questioned.

"Relax" Sebastian assures "They are making sure that they are going to lessen the risk and the crowds. Its still up for negotiation"

"I supposed if Formula 1 is coming back then maybe Formula 3 is also going to follow soon" she sighs.

"Our vacation is ending" Sebastian jokes.

Y/N turns off the stove and faces Sebastian. She returns his embrace and stayed in that hug as if a bubble protecting her from whatever is happening in the outside world.

"I just want to stay like this forever" she mutters.

She knows its quite an awful statement. Some people have a hard time and they have to go back to their old lives soon. However, for the two of them, it was the break and the catching up that they needed.

Little did she know, these past few months seem to be Sebastian's vision of the future. It was something that perhaps what he looks forward to retirement.

"We can stay like this forever" Sebastian agrees "Just domestic life, farming, cooking, reading"

"I still have to work for Oscar" she reminds.

"Then you can work for Oscar and then we will be following you around" Sebastian smiles.

"What?" she laughs "You mean to tell me you won't be racing?"

It feels weird for Sebastian to reach that realization that he may have to retire some time soon. He loved what he did but he thinks its time for him to take on a new role and just enjoy life in a slower pace.

"I wanna quit racing and I wanna marry you" Sebastian finally makes the statement.

Y/N looks at him as if he misspoke something but Sebastian pulls out the box. He carries it everywhere with him just incase he decides its the perfect time to propose. He has been carrying it with him ever since this pandemic started because it was only during that time that he realized that moments are fleeting. If the opportunity exist then go and seize it.

Maybe this isn't in a fancy place to ask for marriage or maybe its not too publicized but this is the moment he has been waiting for. He would be a total idiot to lose it again.

"You are the love of my life that I have waited for a very long time now" Sebastian goes down on his knees and opening box "I have already achieved a lot of stuffs and won my fair share of championship or podiums. I achieved most of my dreams already and now I want to focus on my dreams of spending life with you. If you would have me then I would like more peaceful mornings like this one. I want to be that person that you come home after a long day at work. I want you and Margarette in those spontaneous grocery trips or the midnight snacks. I see you being a part of my life for as long as I live so if you will have me then I promise to be the best husband you could ask for"

The whole speech was not prepared. Even if Sebastian has visualized this speech for a while now, he seems to be underprepared and spewing out nonsense. He could only hope to hear a positive response for her.

"You are an idiot proposing to me in our kitchen" she finally says

A breath of relief rushes over Sebastian. He stands up to wipe her tears away and places the ring on her finger.

"Hey, I haven't said yes yet!" she jokes.

"I don't see you saying no"

2021, Spain

F1Gossips This year's silly season seems to be pointing in Spain. Drivers both current and former were spotted in their suits in a church in Spain.

User6 who is getting married???

User7 MARRIED???? User9 is jenson making poor choices again lol User10 thats just mean.

User5 i dont see pictures of sebastian here. thats weird, that's suspicious

User19 maybe he wasnt invited User55 lmao, why would they not invite seb?? User3 what if its seb's wedding User15 time to take your delulu pills User3

User13 let me innn, i wanna know who's marriage is this that got everyone in the new grid and old grid in.

User17 can drive to survive cover this event??

Y/NPrivate we waited for so long for this moment to happen. i still can't believe that i get to marry my first love. this relationship was a rollercoaster and we have spent years before coming to terms about our feelings. all i can say is everything is worth it because now i am building a family with you. thank you for bringing joy into my life. thank you for waiting for us to be the healed version of ourselves. and like i said, i'll be yours for eternity. kisses

CharlesLeclerc i swear i just finished crying and now i am crying again??!!

Y/NPrivate you always cry with ferrari -seb CharlesLeclerc you better watch out!! Y/NPrivate what are they gonna do fire me? i mean they already picked a replacement for me so they don't scare me -seb CharlesLeclerc Y/N YOUR HUSBAND IS RUDE, GET HIM OFF YOUR ACCOUNT Y/NPrivate its a conjugal account now hahaha

MickSchumacher papa would have been so happy to see his two favorite people finally get together

Y/NPrivate we wish he was there to see us

JensonButton im really happy for you Y/N, seb you know the rest mate

Y/NPrivate thanks Jenson, seb also sends his gratitude. PS we got to chat soon about the girl you are seeing JensonButton whatttt thats crazyyyyyy how did you know that Y/NPrivate duh i have eyes -seb JensonButton make your own instagram account seb!

Hanna_Prater its a very lovely wedding, thank you for inviting us!!

Y/NPrivate thank you for designing the venue, i really love it hanna! Hanna_Prater were coparents so only the best for you! Y/NPrivate love u hanna! sending my regards to connor as well

[ravencincaide]

Flowers

Summary: In Dazai's mind, there is no such thing as too late. There is always a solution to every problem. You just need to find the right approach. OR Dazai’s bizarre reaction to your claim that its ‘too late’. 

Pairing: Mafia! Osamu Dazai x Fem! Reader  Author Note. This is Part 2 to: If only you'd hold my hand. I'd strongly advise you to read that one first befor reading Flowers. Work count: 2.2  Warning: Dark content including angst, mention of abortion, cursing and toxic relationship. In addition, this part includes light alcohol consumption, light mention of intimacy. You've been warned, And with those words: Enjoy!

"it's too late" your ominous whisper hung heavily in the dark room. Like a shroud, it buried the once happy news, and turned everything you knew- or thought you knew - into a

hollow, dark disappointing mess. And you didn't know where to start picking up the pieces.

Should you start with your shattered heart after having to make the hardest decision of your life? Deal with your disappointment in Dazai from breaking yet another promise to you? Or maybe address the shambles that was your relationship- or about to be. Should you break it off while the wound was still raw and be done with it all? Repeat those cursed words again and then watch how the tender affection you've craved for months was ripped away from you. 

Again.

Dazais lips move from your fingertips to your wrist. Paused at your pulse point where he pressed a kiss, then trailed up your arm until he came across a faint scar. He lingered there as if remembering where it came from, or thinking of ways to make it disappear. As if fixing that little blemish on your skin would somehow erase all the hurt.

You pulled your hand back, cleared your throat and tried to speak again "It's too - "

"-I think we should go on a vacation" Dazai caught your wrist and brought your hand back to his face, completely ignoring that he caught you off guard, your mind struggling to process his words. You were too stunned to speak, too stunned to react as you processed the odd words that left his mouth. He used that moment to pull you to his chest.  "It's been so long since we've had some 'You and me’ time, Pretty” 

You swallowed thickly past the cotton-ball feeling in your throat "I don't think I have the energy to-"

"-Nonsense. I'll get you packed" He had you sit on your bed as he pulled out  our old travel bag from the closet. The one you hadn't used since your last field mission all those years ago. You didn’t even know you still had it, but Dazai knew where to find it straight away. 

Odd? 

A moment passed of him  fighting with the zip and lock combo before the fearsome Mafia executive began packing seemingly random articles of clothing: dresses, shirts, blouses, jeans and t-shirts. His disposition was almost happy as he filled your suitcase to the brim and then opened another compartment, ready to stuff even more things into the overfilled bag. 

You glanced away  as he opened your lingerie drawer, part of you embarrassed at the state of it and another part angry at how comfortable he seemed handling your personal items. As if he owed them. The lacy fancy stuff you used to wear was replaced by worn granny panities for bad days and brand new tighty whities for good. 

He pushed them to the side with several falling to the fall, then humm’ed in approval as though he found a goldmine. “Oh these ones will do. Do you remember them?” Dazai asked, holding up a pair of sheer ones with an obnoxious bow on the butt.

How did he find those? Exactly the ones you wore when you two were last intimate. You were certain you lost them in the laundry. Or maybe tossed them away in a fit of desperate rage. 

You grimaced as he packed them into the bag and then went back to digging in your drawer.

“Lets just go” you muttered as you got off the bed and snatched the almost packed suitcase out of his hands.  You hurried out of the room and back towards the garage you had just come from. You were certain he’d suggest taking the car and it didn’t take you long to find the oddly parked vehicle near the door, all set and ready to head to this ‘so called’ vacation of his. 

But all you wanted was to get away. Run before he could bring up more of those pleasantly unpleasant memories. Because who in their right fucking mind would want to think about the fun sexy times in your condition? Especially knowing those seemingly loving moments would result in your current predicament 

Then again what fucking sane person would go on a lovey dovey vacahan with their Ex right after an abortion?

Wait? 

Is that what you two were now? Exes? Lost love? Another tragic statistic? Could you even be exes in the twisted world of death, abilities and absolute loyalty? Or was this some kind of sick amusement on his part? A twisted game for him and a pat on the back for you for a job ’well done’; a role ‘well played’.  

You were getting angry. Frustrated at the loneliness you endured. Angry at the fact that

you hadn't seen him for days, asked for a single favour from him, begged for a moment of his time, to meet you for lunch and he failed. He fucking failed to show up for you when it counted and you were not going to forgive him for it. 

No, you’d go on this fucking trip under obligations but you’d also show him that you were done, and he could shove his immature-

Flowers?

The backseat of the car had a bouquet of flowers laying on it, your favourite dinner peeked out of a take-away bag and the seat cushion between front and back seat was up and arranged for you to take a nap. As you processed the oddly caring gesture, Dazai caught up with you and took the packed bag out of your hands before putting it in the trunk. Himself.

"No goons with?" 

"Nope "He said it as if he's gone anywhere without half a dozen mafia on his ass in the last half a year. “Only you and me for a change, donna"

A flicker of concern passed over you. Your one eyed bandit driving? Did he even remember

how to do that after all the time he spent stuck behind a desk?

You were about to protest, to offer yourself up to be behind the wheel but the words caught in your throat, choked by the anger, sadress, betrayal and that gut punching act he put on, as if everything was okay- that it would be okay. No, he wanted this vacation, he failed you, so he could Ideal being behind the uncomfortable wheel for hours on end, navigating the roads while you gave him the Silent Treatment. Then maybe, just maybe, he’d begin to finally understand a fraction of the emotion you felt, that you dealt with. Because of him. 

Flowers. 

Fucking flowers made you made you cave enough to move from the backsea to shotgun a day later. Weary eyes watched the blur of the passing landscape, lingering on famous places Dazai pointed out before you’d stubbornly looked away again. Still silent, safe for your body language which was an open book for him.

That was enough for him. Daizai  kept pointing out a place or two:  an offer to stop for dinner, a gasbreak, a cultural sight or a place where a gruesome murder took place and read your body language for an answer. And through it all, at almost every stop, he got you flowers. Long, Short, tall, cheap, pricey, eternal and real. It wasn’t long before the backseat looked like a miniature garden with yet  another addition to the ever growing collection in your lap- a bunch of local lilies of various shades of white or red.

Beside you, Dazai was focused on the road, the traffic moderate enough that he could tear his attention away every few moments for a kiss. Kiss the places where your hands interlocked, on your knuckles and occasionally your lips or your neck. 

Loving. Almost playful.

This was the Dazai you knew- the man you fell in love with. You could see him so clearly now, without the mafia coat and executive responsibilities. Just a man who grew up too quickly, behind the wheel of the car that was too big and just right at the same time. Just him and you and the endless road that swallowed up the unspoken words; gobbled up bitter emotion until a mournful numbness settled in.

On day 3, you both checked into a hotel for the night- your last night in Japan before your flight, and you finally broke through the last of the unspoken resentment. Tears welled up in your eyes as you saw the dress Dazai prepared for you to wear to dinner. The fabric hidden inside the fancy protective bag, by the closet with only the tags peeking out. A bottle of champagne and strawberries stood by the grand bed, right beside a hand written welcome card. 

It was perfect, full of luxuries you weren’t accustomed to, full of affection and thought and grand gestures you never experienced before. 

Perfectly and overbearingly sweet. 

Anything anyone could have wanted- and more. And it was too much. Tears turned to sobs as you clung to Dazai in the doorway. Apologies spilled past your lips, a constant mantra of ‘I’m sorry’s’ The past three days had been a reminder of simpler times. A reminder of the why and how you and Dazai got together, the sacrifices you made for each other. Promises that were forgotten along the way; moments taken for granted. You were hit with the realization of everything you had, and everything you likely lost. You risked years together, poured it down the drain because of a missed lunch. 

A decision set in pain and anger which ended up causing you more pain. 

Oh if only you’d have known that getting away from the Mafia was what he needed. What you both needed. Then maybe, just maybe things would have turned out differently. “Can we try again?” it was a question you asked without a second thought. It seemed right in that moment, appropriate.  

"We can," Dazai muttered, as he pulled back long enough to cup your cheeks. "Just promise me you'll never rush big decisions without talking to me first. Even if it’s about your body."

“I promise" the promise rolled off your lips like a second breath. 

Dazai’s face split into a smile, a satisfied and pleased expression. "Good, now then, we have a dinner reservation to attend to, why don’t you go and get ready?” 

The offer was both exciting and exhausting. The moment was cut short by the planned dinner. It was a little disappointing to you but you were also used to it, adjusting your wants and needs to the clock. Almost in a trance you showered and got yourself changed and ready for a proper evening dinner like in those stupid rom com movies. 

You were done just as it was time to head down. Admittedly you couldn't say you felt okey, beautiful or back to normal. But you could say you felt thought of and loved with every little gesture from his side: pulled out chair, the pink-purple almost wild-looking flowers on the table, a glass of red wine in your hand. The feeling was only reinforced as Dazai leaned closer to you for a rare vacation picture. 

You both, together, in one shot, without you needing to beg. 

It was surreal. 

Selfishly, you set your mind to focus on the good happenings in your present. The stuff that gave you hope for a brighter future. To change your trail of thought from the bad to the good, and the first step would be to view this time away from the mafia as a blessing rather than an obligation.

 “By the way, you never said where we're going” You mused as the waiter removed the appetisers and refilled both your glasses before the main course. " I guess it’s somewhere in Europe, right? Those are the only planes that leave so early tomorrow, right?"

Dazai looked amused at your observation skills, then pleased. "It is, and it's a good opportunity to take a break from the Mafia," Dazai mused, his head resting on his hand, one eye fixated on you and your every expression. 

You pouted at his none-answer.

"Aww c’mon can you at least tell me where it is?” You batted your eyelashes at him as if such simple flirting techniques would ever work on a man like him. Though it was more a running joke between you from your earlier days than an actual attempt at seduction.

To your surprise, he answered. “ It's an obscure little place in Europe " Dazai took a sip of wine, let the taste linger on his tongue, with the tiniest of smiles on his lips. It was like he enjoyed making you wait, torturing your excited self with patience. " It’s called Meursault” 

" Meursault?  It sounds french" You observed. Instantly your mind filled with thoughts of  wine gardens, salt, water and the sea and calm countryside, and your face split into the biggest grin possible. "Must be pretty calm and serene; I look forward to seeing it"

“I’m sure it will feel just like home” … 

Author Note: I'm well aware this chapter left more questions than answers, so I'd like to hear what you guys think. What caught your attention? What did you react to? Did something seem odd and uncharacteristic for Dazai- and if so, why do you think he behaves this way? And most importantly, why Mersault?

And on a final note: I hope you enjoyed!

𝕄𝕒𝕚𝕟 |ℝ𝕒𝕧𝕖𝕟 |ℝ𝕦𝕝𝕖𝕤 |ℝ𝕖𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕤 |𝕄𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥 |ℂ𝕣𝕖𝕕 & 𝕆𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣

All fics are unique works by ©raven-cincaide 2024. Do not copy/repost/translate or spread my work(s) without my explicit permission. If you see any of my work(s) reworked/reposted/copied anywhere, please inform me!

[estuaryghoul]

Ghoul Summoning Lore

The ghouls come from Hell, obviously. Copia was never really sure of the process, at least before he starting leading the band. He was only a Cardinal, he didn't ask questions (lie, he always asked questions lmao). Turns out the process was rather horrifying, especially once he realized Terzo had been right about how /human the ghouls are. Imperator always said they were animals, less even. Terzo's infatuation with them disgusted her. But she was wrong.

They took them as children, Copia learned. He was still unsure of of who They were, but that didn't matter. They were brought to a place in Hell known as The Factory, manmade, at least hypothetically. Here they are trained. Forced to walk upright, be obedient, silent. Master their elemental instrument, but supress the element. They are kept tightly bound (magically), their minds a total fog. The Factory feels like a dream, but also an unending cycle that lasts aeons.

There are two kinds of ghoul, ministry and band. Three if you counted Phil, enigmatic bastard. The ministry are moulded to become Sister's vision, practically inanimate objects. They cannot speak, cannot think, can only obey orders. They help with menial tasks around the church. There are not many, but it's hard to tell. They all look and act the same. Blank. Their eyes have no light, it never used to bother Copia, but once he began leading the band, seeing how lively they truly could be, it was like being surrounded by moving corpses. Probably the creepiest part about them, besides their silent appearances behind you, was their... room. It wasn't a bedroom, more of an old storage room or armory or /something. It was a windowless hall where they were kept when not at use. They would stand in silent, orderly lines. Like a room of mannequins. Looming eerily in the darkness, the only movement the tracking of their dull eyes as Copia passed through. He knew they only watched out or obedience, waiting for orders, but it was creepy as fuck. He avoided that hall.

The band ghouls however, while he was lead to believe they were the same, were very different. Sister said they were like animatronics on stage, just objects pretending to be human, but even she knew that was a lie. They had /personality. They didn't stand silently and unmoving while waiting for band practice to begin, instead silently looking at one enough, tending to their instruments, even messing with each other. Some of them would even playfully ignore Copia's instructions, averting their eyes and flicking their tails slyly. Honestly it was kind of like hearding cats when they got bored, though a visit from Sister or one of her Board was quick to straighten them out. Still however, they could not talk. Hisses, small vocalizations, growls, yes, but words? Nothing. Only the backup singers could "speak", whispery voices that sounded like an eery mimicking of human speech without Copia's voice over it. But still, unless they were singing, they could not speak.

Music has life, soul. It is an expression of one's self, a way to connect unique to itself. Perhaps that effects the ones playing it, writing it. Perhaps the soul must be freed more than the opressor would like, for the tool to be used. Phil didn't like to speak clearly, preferring to answer questions with questions, long-winding riddles, opaque references. It was a puzzle to speak to him, which Copia secretly enjoyed. He didn't treat him like he was stupid, wouldn't hold his hand to lead him to an answer. If you wanted to understand, truly, you must think for yourself. Phil would provide pieces, you must put them together yourself.

Phil himself was an outlier. If one didn't know, they would assume he was a member of the human staff. The only thing that gave it away was the ghoul mask he wore, just like the others. Copia had never seen his face, but he had heard the long pointed mask was based off of it, though that was legend that Phil pointedly would neither confirm nor deny. He was Imperator's right hand man, the band manager, a connection between human and demon. He was the first to be summoned, before The Factory, before the band. A crossroads demon, the story went, who Imperator managed to trap. Bound to an eternity of service to the church. He was the only ghoul allowed to speak, but that did little for him. Everything he said, heard, did, saw, was subject to be reported back to Imperator. She owned him, he was her spy. Nobody trusted him, not even her. Copia thought this was bullshit however, Imperator had left him with the ghoul while she worked far too many times as a child, and he had grown attached to the curt bastard. He has taught him chess when he was six, by ruthlessly beating him over and over until he learned to strategize. Always encouraged him to read, expand his mind, ask questions. Even when talking to that long-ago child, Phil was not clear. He didn't dumb down his sentences, didn't make his puzzles any easier to understand. It was rewarding to have a conversation with him, Copia felt. When the pieces finally clicked, it felt like winning a game. He was the only one who felt this way. Sister was eternally frustrated with the lack of clarity from her so-called spy. His forced nature as an earpiece was dangerous, no doubt. Many things made it back to her that others would've preferred to die in secret, but when things mattered, when Copia asked questions he shouldn't... Somehow the answers were cleverly twisted when reporting to hide his secrets. Phil pretended not to care about anything or anyone, but Copia was almost certain he at least has a soft spot for him and the band. Yeah, maybe he had a hand in ruthlessly killing them off when Imperator's whims changed, but just maybe...

[thequietkid-moonie]

CAN YOU PLEASE DO SUNDAY X READER WHERE THE READER IS FROM IRIS FAMILY AND IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY??? ITS UP TO YOU IF YOU WANT IT AS FUGITIVE SUNDAY OR PRE 2.7

Loving someone who's so close and yet so far

[ ONE-SHOT ] [ Sunday ]

[ Honkai Star Rail ]

⚠️ This contain spoilers about Penacony main story and "a new venture on the right dawn"

Uuuuuhhh I hope u dont mind what I wrote... its like... both Sundays? I mean, I hated him during the main story I penacony buuuut the last update made me LOVE HIM SO MUUUCH!!!

Also, your request was the perfect excuse to write something angsty so i hope u like it 💙

Things has always being like this for as long as he can remember, at some point of his life he have meet you when starting to get more involved in the family and he have always admired you since then

Sunday remember those old times when you used to hang out with his sister Robin, as you two slowly grow to become more famous, not only between the family but slowly winning more and more popularity out of penacony, growing to become celebrities from the family together, wich always made Sunday feel proud but at the same time hurt, you and his sister were flying away together to live a real dream while he was stuck, still making mistakes and unable to make his wish come true

At the end it was that same feeling of not being enough what lead him to, despite being in love with you for as long as he can remember he was never able to express those feelings, not when he is still too week to protect you from this cruel reality

His love for you make him ambicious, despite both being from the family and constantly seeing each other in Penacony you have always being out of his reach, after growing up and making himself with more responsabilities Sunday never felt comfortable enough to approach to you in an informal way again, not when you were so famous, not when he was stuck without being able to do anything, not when he still had to bult a paradise where you won't have to hide your burdens and suffering from the people who admires you and follows you

Sunday promised himself that he would work in this twisted plan just so he could make a paradise where you and his sister would never have to worry about anything else again, then and only then he will be able to look at you with a smile, stand prideful on his feet and tell you how important you truly for him

But, at the end, Sunday was nothing but a fool, blinded by his own vision and what the family have make him believe to see that what he was doing was far from bulding a true paradise, and now that he has nothing left, now that he is just a prisioner awaiting sentencing he feels farther away from you than ever, if before he felt like he should wait until he could be enough for you now he is completely broken without nothing behind, not even his own identity is something sure right now

And once he found himself wandering around the Golden hour, getting ready to leave for good and hidding his identity like the fugituve he is, the last thing on his mind it was you, not because he didn't thought of you but because he doesn't want to think about you, he doesn't have the strength to wonder what would you think of him right now, after so much troubles he caused, but even if you hate him now he would simply accept it, he deserves it after all

Sunday has always being someone who needs to have all in control, having everything perfectly planned but right now he isn't who he used to be, he barely has control over his own life so when he accidentally bumped to you while trying to leave penacony wasn't planned at all, after all he doesn't want to bring you troubles

Sunday knew perfectly that he should leave you and continue with his way, he is in high risk, but he can't help but want to spend at least just a moment more at your side. He is surprised that his feelings for you are still there, but at the same time is not, after all you have being always present on his life and mind, he will never be able to forget you

Sunday force himself to cut the chat he accidentally but desperately started after bumping into you, he want so bad to speak with you, now that he finally feels like he can talk to you more freely, but he can't, he shouldn't be this selfish. Sunday somehow managed to find the way to say a goodbye and wish you the best while keeping his desguise at the best as he could, apologizing for taking so much of your time before walking away to continue with his way, not daring to look back at you because it will just hurt him more than he already is

[creativecupcake]

Oh Goddess Beyond Part 3

Ok, heads up! This is gonna be LONG cause I really want to get Amira the game already! I want some input if y’all can. Do y’all want Yuuto as a romantic interest or keep him platonic?

Warning ‼️ Mentions of death, childhood neglect, bullying, and harassment. Nothing too serious but I do bring up the topics. Plus the yanderes are finally starting to show their faces!

Chapter 3 - A Goddess Comes Home

Part 1, Part 2

The end of year was rapidly approaching as the Night Raven students and staff went through plan after plan, spell after spell to break through to the other side of the Ramshackle mirror. But nothing seemed to work. They would get so close, only to have an invisible barrier to keep wrecking every attempt. They had made some progress when Yuu had mentioned Silver’s spell allowing him into the mirror world. The whole Mickey  situation was explained and then how Silver had found Yuu and Grim in Mickey’s dream/the mirror. They had gotten so close, Silver had even been able to step into her word one night when she was asleep. But it was like he was in a bubble, he was there but couldn’t touch anything. 

They’d all agreed to separate for winter break, hoping to find some clue to get over the last hurdle. Each of their homelands had unique magics and gifts from the Goddess, maybe they could find the key there? Truthfully, most of the boys had originally wanted to stay on campus and ‘keep an eye’ on the Goddess. It got to the point that the staff had gotten Idia and Ignihyde to make the Ramshackle mirror’s monitor able to stream on a secured network. Speaking of Idia, since the Goddess’ phone was connected to her computer, he and Ortho were able to use a mix of technomagic and hacking abilities to get access to her computer. They’d begun watching some of her old streams and looking into other aspects of her life in the other realm. 

With the permission of staff, limited information had started being distributed to the rest of the student body. Heartslabyul students debated over every assignment and paper the Goddess had written on ethics and laws, discussing how this changed or supported the Queen of Hearts laws. Savanaclaw praised her strength when it was revealed that the Goddess had taken up kickboxing. And don’t get them started on any time she mentioned liking a certain animal, there was a vicious debate on what her favorite animal was. Octavinelle beamed with pride upon learning that the Goddess of contracts was not only studying business but had her own small business that she ran on her own. Octavinelle and Pomfiore actually had oddly detailed discussions on this topic as her business was selling handmade and thrifted one of a kind outfits that she altered. She even had options to make totally custom items for customers, with the right price of course. The fact that she talked about ethical treatment of workers, a dislike for fast fashion, and her love of smaller or family owned businesses seemed to rejuvenate both dorms. 

Speaking of rejuvenated dorms, Scarabia students took up a majority of the top ranking students all of a sudden. They would constantly play and replay a clip of the Goddess saying how she loved learning new things, and how a desire to constantly learn no matter the topic was an admirable trait. Ignihyde, oh Ignihyde were practically extroverted with how excited they were. I mean, their Goddess was a streamer, loved video games, and had admitted to being an introvert for the most part. There was a forum going around Ignihyde (with input from some outside students) on games that were similar to the Goddess’ favorites. Some students had even begun gathering together to make custom games and tech for the Goddess when she arrived. Idia and Ortho had a hand in every item, with Idia occasionally gloating about how he knew the Goddess’ preferences the best. And finally, Diasomnia were practically rabid. They gushed over the Goddess’ virtual model, her outfits, the wings that seemed to be made of glass, the small scales that seemed to litter her cheeks and shoulders. Many a discussion was held about the meanings behind every choice in her model and outfit. Some had made paintings and other works of art depicting the Goddess both in her model form and her true form. Artists across campus were practically swamped in commissions. 

Those who were allowed direct contact with the Goddess had taken rotations monitoring the mirror. They had come to learn so much about her and had individual moments they all loved to replay. 

“I’d say my favorite foods are spicy-” Cater rejoiced. “I do love sweet things, but in limited amounts. I’d say my favorite dish would be Arabic Chicken Biriyani, but I also love when I can make homemade Samak Harra, when I can make it.” Cater absolutely gushed over the pictures of the homemade food she flashed on screen. 

‘Do you like cooking, or prefer for someone else to do it?’ 

“I do like cooking, but I feel like it’s a required skill for any adult, especially a partner.” 

‘Oh? So what about guys like Trey and Jamil must be a dream for you Rara.’ 

“Trey and Jamil? I’ll admit I would die to try some of their signature dishes. Trey’s baking always looks gorgeous.” Trey was trying not to die of happiness, the Goddess herself complimented his baking. Oh no, he needs to find out her favorite dishes! He needs to practice them until they are perfect. “Not to mention Jamil seems to have a perfect grasp of his spices. Seeing him teach Grim and Yuu about spices and how to toast them or add them to a dish reminds me of my great grandfather when I was learning to cook.” Oh, Jamil was full of pride, the Goddess called his cooking perfect. “Truthfully those two are part of my Male Wife category with Ruggie, Jade, and Floyd.” Male wife!?

‘Ok, I can see Trey, Jamil, and Jade in the Male Wife role, but Floyd and Ruggie?’ 

“Yeah, Floyd has mentioned more than once he really enjoys cooking, but his attitude can affect his cooking. Which I mean, mood, but I see him as being just as good as Jade in the food prep department, though Jade does get extra points for his tea preparations and tidiness, not to mention I think having a garden with him would be great.” The tweels were more than happy to be on the list, though this may have started a new competition between them. (Floyd wanted to get rid of Jade’s ‘extra points’.) “Ruggie is with Jamil near the top of my Male wife category though. He cooks, he cleans, he knows how to budget and take care of groceries and a home. I mean, what else is there?” Ah, Ruggie was too speechless to even give his usual cackle, but his little tail was wagging. 

‘Rara! Since you make your own fashion, who would you want to design for the most?’ 

“If you mean who would I think I could design something for, everyone. They all have such unique looks and styles and it would be fun to see what I could make for them all.” Oh, to think of being gifted something, anything, from the Goddess; especially a custom outfit meant to reflect their ‘unique look’. “If you mean who do I think would fit my style of fashion, I’d say Floyd, Vil, Cater, and Lilia. Maybe Leona too.” 

‘Why do you think they fit best? Like why Floyd?’ 

“Well Floyd mentioned in his broom birthday look that he loves experimenting with land fashion. He really loves new things and color combinations. Most of my looks are a little more out there and play with colors. Plus we both love and appreciate shoes.” Floyd had never been so happy before. His sweet little Goddess knew him so well. He wanted to squeeze her and never let go. 

“Vil is an obvious choice. While the style may not match his personal taste he has discussed his appreciation for alternative styles and different body types. I feel like even if the style is not for him, he would give me honest feedback and we could have a great discussion over fashion and the industry.” Vil was aglow, Rook had his usual poetic diatribe. Vil was sure he would adore any item literal perfection could give him. He was practically in a daze dreaming about talking fashion and modeling any and every item he could for her. 

“Cater would be fun to go thrifting with and helping him make the perfect MagiCam worthy outfit.” Cater.exe has stopped working, please wait while he reboots. “Truthfully, I feel like his more skater and alt fashion fits my vibes perfectly. And while I do feel like Cater looks adorable in his normal looks, I want to see him be his true self. He’s a great guy and I want to see more of Cater, not the filter.” Oh, never mind. Cater.exe has full on crashed due to overheating. His face was even redder than Riddle’s hair. 

“Lilia is pretty obvious. He is pretty much full alt, and I’m living for it.” Lilia’s poor old heart! Oh how this fae thanked the Goddess. “Truthfully I’d love to make him a whole set, and get to style his hair. I mean, I love his short hair, but Lilia also rocks the long locks. His style is just fun to play with.” And now Lilia is contemplating going back to his look back in his general days. 

‘Rara, you’ve talked about relating to a lot of the boys, especially the overblots. Do you have a specific boy that you relate to?’ 

“Ruggie.” The reply was so fast and so serious in tone that it threw off the previously cheery vibe that day. “I really adore Ruggie, he’s one of the sweetest boys, and hyenas are one of my favorite animals, like big top five. I had a hyperfixation on them for so long, did you know they’re actually in the mongoose family? Their closest relative is, like, meerkats! They are super cool, they’re smart, and they are so social it’s awesome!” Ok, who allowed their Goddess to be so cute? Ruggie was crying hearing his Goddess talk about his kind with such kind words. 

“Sorry, sorry, got off topic. But I do love Ruggie. The only thing is I relate a little too well. Like with the overblot boys I do relate to Azul’s bullying, Jamil’s parentification, and Leona’s ostracization, but growing up in poverty affected me a lot more.” Oh, we’re trying to start a war here? While the overblot boys feel a closer relation too our poor Goddess, everyone was beyond pissed to hear she had faced such poor treatment. 

“For those of you who have been around a while, you know I am more than willing to get serious and talk about my upbringing. My family was not the most healthy. My father was the youngest and FAR behind his siblings in age, and also favor with my grandparents. So he tried to ‘keep up with’ my uncles.” She looked uncomfortable talking about it all, but clearly had resolve. “My mother and father made sure we had a nice house, car; new clothes every time we went to see my father’s side of the family. But we were poor. We were lucky if the money lasted each paycheck. The worst thing was not having food, not that I needed more food according to my family.” Snide comments said under her breath made Ramshackle feel smothering. Why? Why had she been through such unfair circumstances? Who could be so stupid to waste money like that. “Being so food insecure made me have a bad relationship with food for a while. But it also inspired me to be more mindful of my money and volunteer at the local food bank. No child should feel that pain.” She rested her hand on her stomach, as if feeling a distant pain of hunger. “That’s also why the minute I can I want to start a garden or planter box to grow my own food. Sorry if that got heavy, but that’s why I relate to Ruggie the most.” The air felt heavy in their lungs, a sickly atmosphere suffocating them all in sorrow. 

‘I’m so sorry to hear that Rara. I hope you’re doing better. On a happier note can you tell us about your favorite animals? You said hyenas were top five, what else is there?’ 

“Nah, it’s good. I don’t want to drag the mood down but talking about it is the best thing, for myself and anyone out there who may be facing a similar situation.” Her smile was so friendly, even if it was small, it soothed the ache in all their hearts. After going through so many challenges she still wanted to raise others spirits. 

“My favorite animal is cats.” Grim was cheering, though didn’t he always say he wasn’t a cat? 

‘What type of cat? Like house cat?’ 

“No, you miss understand me. I mean ALL cats. Domestic and wild. Big and small. All cat, perfection.” No one had seen Leona smugger, boy was giving everyone the dirtiest little smirk. “Second would be elephants. They are smart and big babies, and basically have super powers. Third is frogs, nothing beats them in the cute department. Plus poison dart frogs are just the coolest thing. Hyenas are fourth. Then fifth and sixth flip places all the time. It’s either snakes or octopi.” Oh look, it’s Azul’s turn to be smug, with a little added Jamil. 

‘Hey, I know you said you relate to Ruggie the most, but what about Yuu? You said a few days ago your relationship was weird?’ 

This was it. What Yuuto had been waiting for since he discovered his tie to the Goddess, to Amira. He was frantic for the truth. Why he felt like being away from her put a heart in his chest. Why were most of his memories only of her when they were young? What else was he missing? 

“Truthfully, Yuu reminds me of my best friend that I lost…a long time ago. Yuuto was my closest and truest companion, and losing him, it broke me for the longest time.” She seemed to choke up for a second, tears welling up in her eyes. 

“For those of you that don’t know, I’m German and grew up back in a smaller town in Germany. Yuuto was my first real friend when I was little. His family moved from Japan for some opportunity, and he didn’t really know the language. We were both bullied, but we bonded, we stood up for each other.” A sad smile grew on her face as she seemed to relax, lost in memories. 

“I remember I brought him into a world I was creating, named him my Champion, cause he knew martial arts and let me watch him practice kendo. He was so sweet, so compassionate, and so strong. We were inseparable.” She looked so happy, Yuu felt his heart break and mend all at once as he remembered the things she discussed. He longed to hold her again, to have his friend by his side. 

“We made a whole world full of magic and monsters, Yuuto wanted to be a big hero, defeating dark inky shadows and making friends with dragons and beasts. Oh, I remember one time I was creating a familiar for him, Yuu-chan was complaining about how a little black cat wasn’t cool enough for a champion. We had a whole argument about how to make him ‘cooler’. ‘He needs blue flames-orange flames are too basic! Ami-chan he needs a sharp tail to scare monsters with!’ Uh, he was such a dork, but I loved making our world together. I think I still have the old doodles of his familiar. We ended up making him like a Pokémon, starts off small and cute but becomes a big beast later!” Oh boy, that was a revelation. Grim WAS Yuu’s familiar! But not just that, he had a hand in creating his own friend. Grim was practically bouncing off the walls, the Goddess herself had made him! He was so super special! Yuu couldn’t help but laugh at Grim’s excitement, but hearing Amira try to mock his childhood voice warmed his heart even more. 

“Neither of us had the best families, or the easiest times with school, but we had each other.” Her tone shifted, mood suddenly turning somber. “I remember my parents were dragging me off to another family event, but I just had this feeling in my gut…something wasn’t right. I begged my parents, I begged Yuu-chan’s parents, I even went to Yuuto myself and made him SWEAR on our kingdom that he would stay at home and be safe while I was gone. But when I got back, my friend was gone. We buried an empty coffin.” Tears threatened to roll down her cheeks, as her once vibrant eyes became vacant. “I never had the heart to ask what happened. Everyone always just called it a ‘terrible accident’. I was devastated after it all, and so, so, alone. I remember I went back to our old writing one last time. Going back to our world and seeing all our creations hurt, but I went back one last time. I wrote Yuu-chan into the world. He was my Champion, he would return stronger than ever, surrounded by true friends, and he would be happy. I haven’t been able to touch any of it since, felt like if I did I would just break it. That’s why seeing Yuu in Twisted Wonderland is so complicated for me.” She took a shaky breath, trying to reign back in all her emotions. “I can’t see him, I can’t be sure he’s MY Yuu-chan, but it feels like that goofball is living our childhood dream and it makes me so happy, but that pain just doesn’t go away.”

Yuu, no, Yuuto remembered that day. She’d been so distraught, tears rolling down her chubby cheeks like waterfalls. He’d kept his promise and stayed at home while she was away, but something happened. He remembered yelling, doors slamming, his head and body hurt, but none of it was clear. He stared solemnly at her in the mirror as his friends tried to console him. He knew it in his heart, he didn’t die, Amira, a true goddess of compassion, had saved him and somehow led him to his friends, to Twisted Wonderland. She had saved him, and while the time in between was a blur, he felt nothing but strength and comfort. This solidified his resolution, he would bring her here, where she was safe. He remembered her kindness, the bullying they both suffered, and don’t get him started on her FaMiLy. She saved him and now it was his turn to return the action. 

That was before they all split up for winter break. There had been a moment of worry when it seemed the Goddess had forgotten her phone when leaving for her own break, but they all calmed down after Idia was able to confirm that she was logging into her accounts from another device and all seemed fine. They used the time to research and go through her back log of streams and videos. Though some like Leona weren’t too keen on it, they had created a group chat to discuss any discoveries or ideas that came up.

Did you see the video of her kickboxing? How did she take down someone like five times her size?! -HeartBreaker

Of course she did, she’s mentioned training in her last couple videos -HowlingWolf

It’s so cool how she balances her training, business, and school. -ChickMagnet

Don’t be talking about her height like that! She uses her height and her good looks better than Vil! -ApplePom 

I took note of all of her moves and she seems to use her size to avoid opponents and hit key muscles for the biggest impact. -AnalysisFlame 

How could you doubt the power of the Goddess! She is beyond perfection! She balances all things so well! -LivingBolt 

Oh! What true beauté, her representative form is so unique and delicate! And to receive such a compliment from pure perfection. -ArrowToTheHeart

Yes, I do admit hearing the Goddess herself that she likes my beauty mark is quite the honor. -OceanaryEntrepreneur 

I would hope that you two do not grow egos over a simple complement. But I must admit I admire the design of her virtual model, the glass wings are such a unique and ethereal touch. -BeautyQueen 

I do admit the wings are quite distinctive, as are the crowns and cuffs in her hair. -QueenofHearts 

I know! She looks SO magicam worthy! She is so cute, look at all her designs! -CayCay 

I just had a thought about when we bring her here. -RamshackleRangeler 

What is on your mind Child of Man? -GaoGaoDrago

Amira seems to know she made Twisted Wonderland, but not so much that she’s a. Goddess. I’m a bit worried about the shock of arriving here so suddenly and changing status. -RamshackleRangeler 

Champion-shi is right, Ortho and I have been analyzing how she talks about our world and she seems to see herself separate from us. I’d hate to suddenly be thrust into the limelight like that. -SSRHacker 

That’s true. I will bring up to the staff how we can ease her back into the world so as to not stress her holiness. -BigBat

 That was the trend most of the holidays. They had found some spells and old techniques that may help, but no serious breakthrough through. All seemed pretty uneventful, until they returned from the new year. 

URGENT! EVERYONE GET TO RAMSHACKLE ASAP! -SSRHacker 

All available students and staffed dropped what they were doing and rushed to Ramshackle.Upon arriving they found Idia nearly breaking down as he typed furiously, bouncing between monitors. Ortho was trying his best to calm his brother, with little success. 

“What’s the issue Radish Sprout, it better be as serious as it seems,” Leona growled, his fur standing on edge already. 

“Sadly it is very serious Leona Kingscholar-san. The Goddess is in a terrible state. Nini-chan is looking into the details now, but she seems so distraught.” Ortho brought up the display of her world, revealing a sad sight. There she sat on her messy bed, hair disheveled and vacant stare. Her room seemed to be rifled through but she seemed too out of it to notice. She wasn’t crying at the moment but you could clearly see her red rimmed eyes and her cheeks were stained with tear tracks. 

“What happened?” Malleus’ voice was short, cold, and a threatening rumble of thunder echoed through the dorm. 

“I can’t believe this,” Idia’s voice was clearly shocked as his frantic face began turning to one of rage. 

“Shroud. Give us the details, immediately.” Crewel and Trein stepped up, quickly trying to calm the crowd before something started. Idia motioned Ortho over and they pulled up three big displays to give everyone a clear view. 

“Someone has accused her of plagiarizing her school work,” Ortho started explaining, Idia was too angry to say anything intelligible. The screen showed an email from her university claiming that another student claimed that she had copied all of her essays from them. The school was being quite harsh, claiming that she was to be kicked out immediately, that a ‘counsel’ would be held to review her work, and that she would be stripped of all her achievements and awards. 

“Then it seems that the school reached out to her family,” cue a barrage of messages from various family members calling her a disappointment, various names, asking why she would damage the family’s name. “Her father has sent a message declaring that she was not to come home and they were disowning her. Her mother also sent a message saying that she was to never to reach out to them.” The tension in Ramshackle was palpable. Everyone’s anger and disgust at the situation was only adding to their frazzled nerves. 

“Then Idia-nii was able to find messages from her so called friends stating that they want distance from her, not wanting to be dragged down by her bad name.” That. That was the final straw. The room became filled with outraged voices, all shouting about how this situation was ridiculous. 

“So she’s been isolated from her school, family, and friends? Sounds like someone was doing this on purpose,” Leona’s observation seemed to chill the room. I mean who would ever try to hurt someone as kind as the Goddess? WHY!? 

“That’s what Nini-chan thinks too, he’s trying to search for any proof of the culprit! We wanted to ask for some assistance on proving the Goddess’ innocence as well. It’s obvious she worked very hard on all of her work! She deserves the credit!” Ortho was absolutely fired up, everyone was waiting for him to pull out a laser like he did during the ghost bride fiasco. 

“Octavinelle would be more than happy to review all of her contract works and ethics papers, we will clear our Lady’s name immediately,” Azul was quick to step up. Jade and Floyd following, their smiles colder than ever before. 

“I plan to have Pomfiore look into her friends and family, if we can get some Ignihyde support to gain access to social media we will find any and everyone who is smearing the name of perfection.” Vil had a poisonous atmosphere radiating from his perfect smile. Rook and Epel were looking equally as deadly as they added their support. 

“You’ll have Ignihyde’s support, but I’m not letting these pigs tarnish her name! I don’t care if I have to dox them all myself! Even after we bring her over I want these blasphemous normies to pay for hurting the literal Goddess of progress and peace!” Idia was practically foaming at the mouth in anger. 

“Don’t think you’re the only one wanting to get pay back for hurting the Goddess herself Shroud.” Malleus insisted, his usual smile eerily malicious. “We will all be making sure they pay for what they have done. It is quite obvious they do not appreciate her kindness and warmth.” 

“Khee he he, well said Malleus. We’ll make sure these rotten scoundrels regret turning on her for the rest of their lives.” Lilia voiced his agreement, getting various sounds of agreement from the others. 

“Is there anything we can assist with?” The Ramshackle ghosts cut in, spooking some of the boys. “We’ve been trying to help more at the school so you all had time to work on the portal, but we can’t stand by when the Lady herself has been hurt!” Before anyone could respond Riddle unexpectedly cried out. 

“That’s it! I think I know how to get past the barrier!” Riddle shouted, looking at Trey who seemed to be catching on. 

“You don’t mean-” 

“Che’nya. His signature spell should allow him to reappear just beyond the barrier.” Hope seemed to burst within the group, could this be it? The final push they needed to get her here, away from all those that betrayed her? Bringing in an RSA student made their skin crawl, but they did not care, she was far more important. 

“Even if Che’nya can get past the barrier I worry about getting her back, not to mention she would not leave Ghost or Toast behind, and I’m sure she has some sentimental items.” Yuu brought up, wanting to make sure they wouldn’t upset her further by not thinking of little details. “We’ve tried to destroy the barrier before, but nothing has been strong enough to keep it down or make a big enough entrance.” Yuu turned to Leona, both knowing what he was thinking immediately. “Leona’s unique magic is stronger than most, it should help us get everything through on our end.” 

“Well now herbivore, isn’t that just a fun idea.” Leona smirked, already running multiple plans through his head. “With a few tweaks and some strong magic, like the Lizard, to keep the portal open, this may just work.” 

“It seems we have two plans to complete then,” Crewel cut in, his tone dripping with rage. “Myself and Sam will assist Ignihyde, Pomfiore, and Octavinelle in clearing the Goddess’ impeccable name, as well as making sure her room and wardrobe are ready. Not to mention making sure to cut all those corrupted mutts down a peg.” 

“Vargas and I will make sure every preparation and detail is taken care of for the portal. To actually bring the Goddess and her things here will take more magic than before. We need to have a clear list of any items we should bring, Yuu would you please assist us with that?” Yuu nodded and ran off with Grim to start on it all. “Vargas will work with the more physical students. The old magic circles that the Goddess gifted the old mages seem to help quite a bit with the portal. We ask that you all talk to your students and get them to help where their talents are the most useful.” Trein instructed them, holding their attention well. “Finally, Crowley will go with Mr Rosehearts and Clover to RSA to get their student. We will keep the Goddess to ourselves as much as possible, but we need to do what we must to bring her home.”  

“While I agree with that all, I think we need to ease her now,” Yuu said, returning with Grim. “If Idia can access her computer I remember a song that used to put her to sleep instantly. Would be best to let her get some rest.” 

“I can do that!” Idia and Ortho immediately returned to their computers. With that Yuu helped them pull up the song and they all watched her body slowly relax. Her eyes closing as she tried to fight the sleep, before she finally gave in. She fell into her bed, pulling a plush creature into her arms. The room eased a bit seeing her finally resting. They all went to work immediately, if this worked they could get her home in two or three days tops. 

Night Raven had been nonstop energy since that night. The students had been up in arms hearing about the slander the Goddess was facing; they were more than happy to put in the effort to help either team. Crowley hated having to ask for Ambrose’s student or help, but the raven could puff his feathers with pride showing off the Champion to his rival. He did NOT miss the opportunity to brag about how the Goddess and Champion had chosen his school. And while RSA was more than willing to lend them Che’nya, but requested that their students be allowed to lend the school aid. Riddle, Trey, and Yuu had to talk Crowley into letting them at least review their spells and preparations, reminding him that they needed to assure the Goddess’ safety and comfort when arriving in their world. Both schools agreed to secrecy, signing the golden contracts Azul had conjured. 

Finally, finally, it was time. Crewel and Vil had paused their work to make a sleeping drought. They were using Silver’s unique magic to strengthen the mirror’s connection to the Goddess, so keeping her in a deeper sleep gave them time to gather her pets and her things. Malleus and all the other housewardens and vices would pour their magic into the mirror spell to make it as easy as possible for the group to travel. Leona would break down the barrier to allow everything to pass through. And Che’nya would be the one to enter the Goddess’ room and pass her and her things through it all. 

It was draining, the mirror took so much more energy than before. If they hadn’t had powerhouses like Malleus and Riddle they may not have been able to pull it off. Silver felt himself being pulled into the Goddess’ dream the minute Leona started breaking down the barrier. It was so soothing and serene that he had to fight off the temptation. Leona, for once, loved his unique magic. The barrier was much harder to break down, but he could do it, he could show the Goddess the King of Beasts praised just how useful he was. Che’nya, oh Che’nya was in heaven. Her room, though still a mess, smelled incredible. It smelled like home, and comforted him, calling for him to rest and just enjoy her presence. 

He would love to, another day he would, but today he needed to bring her home. Slipping her the sleeping drought  was simple enough, her cats though were another story. The bigger one stood over her, screeching at him that no one was to touch his mother. The little one though, dang, that one full on threatened to claw his eyes out. It took him a minute to explain that they were here to take her back home and away from all the mean people making her cry. The cats were skeptical but clung to her body and allowed him to gather her items first. Passing them through the barrier he triple checked the list before grabbing her phone and gently picking her up off the bed. Ghost and Toast sitting on her stomach, making threats the whole time. The three closed the barrier and carried her things back to Ramshackle. 

The silence when everyone saw her face, finally here in person. They swore to be ready when she woke up. They would ease her into the world, but none of them were willing to give up any time in her presence. Now that she was here they would pour all their energy into utterly destroying everyone left in her realm. They took her to the room they prepared for her and laid her on top of it. The fairies that lived around campus shooed them out of the room, changing her into an elegant silk gown that Kalim had gotten for her. With that they tucked her into the plush bed, and settled around her room, singing her soft lullabies. The Goddess beyond the mirror had finally returned home, and everyone was more than ready to be at her beck and call.

[helenofsparta2]

Okay, first of all, this is nothing personal, just a difference in opinion, but because Percy Jackson is currently my hyper fixation, I can't help but try to set a few things right when i encounter posts like this.

This is going to be a longer post, and I’m probably going to repeat myself a lot from some of my earlier ones, but I really don’t care.

 I am so sick and tired of people in this fandom misrepresenting or misremembering the relationship Nico and Percy actually had in PJO.  Because if you actually read the books, it’s so obvious, that Percy always did everything in his power to protect Nico, and that he was the person who cared for him the most out of everyone else.

First to tackle the points mentioned above:  

“I just knew that Percy Jackson was the one who was freaked out by him when he learned he was the son of Hades”

Percy did not get freaked out, simply because Nico being the son of Hades creeped him out. He got freaked out, because Nico being the son of Hades meant that he could possibly be the hero of the prophecy. Because he feared what the gods and Kronos might do to him, once they found out:

We have to tell Chiron," Annabeth said, out of breath. "No," I said. She and Grover both stared at me. "Um," Grover said nervously, "what do you mean… no? I was still trying to figure out why I'd said that, but the words spilled out of me. "We can't let anyone know. I don't think anyone realizes that Nico is a—" "A son of Hades," Annabeth said. "Percy, do you have any idea how serious this is? (...) I don't think Nico understands who he is. But we can't go telling anyone. Not even Chiron. If the Olympians find out—"(The Titan’s curse, chapter 20)

“who got annoyed internally when young Nico asked too many questions”

Are we really blaming Percy now because he felt annoyed by a ten-year-old asking him a bunch of questions? A feeling, he only had internally, and never acted upon?  

Even, if we ignore how ridiculous that would be, it’s important to remember, that Percy only started to get annoyed when Nico asked him why Annabeth didn’t know better than to fall of a cliff. His best friend who had just gotten kidnapped by the titan army. Before that he was genuinely nice to Nico. He complimented his mythomagic card collection, showed him his sword and answered all his other questions, despite the fact that he was emotionally devestated worried sick about Annabeth, and blamed himself for her fate.

"Big collection," I said. Nico grinned. "I've got almost all of them, plus their holographic cards! Well, except for a few really rare ones." "You've been playing this game a long time?" "Just this year (…) "Hey, can I see that sword you were using?" I showed him Riptide, and explained how it turned from a pen into a sword just by uncapping it. "Cool! Does it ever run out of ink?" "Um, well, I don't actually write with it." "Are you really the son of Poseidon?" "Well, yeah." "Can you surf really well, then?" I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh. "Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried." (Titan’s curse, chapter 3)

“who broke his promise to keep his sister safe”

I think I’m going to have to repeat this sentence for the rest of my life:

Percy never promised Nico that he would keep Bianca 100% safe.

He explicitly warned Nico that every quest is dangerous, and that no one could guarantee anyone’s survival. He only promised to do his best. Which he did.

(He shoulders sagged. He shifted from foot to foot. "Maybe you're right. But, but you can go for me." "Say what?" "You can turn invisible. You can go!" "The Hunters don't like boys," I reminded him. "If they find out—" "Don't let them find out. Follow them invisibly. Keep an eye on my sister! You have to. Please?" "Nico—" "You're planning to go anyway, aren't you?" I wanted to say no. But he looked me in the eyes, and I somehow couldn't lie to him. "Yeah," I said. "I have to find Annabeth. I have to help, even if they don't want me to." "I won't tell on you," he said. "But you have to promise to keep my sister safe." "I… that's a big thing to promise, Nico, on a trip like this. Besides, she's got Zoe, Grover, and Thalia—" "Promise," he insisted. "I'll do my best. I promise that." (Titan’s curse, chapter 8)

“Percy Jackson was horrible to Nico”

To tackle this relatively broad subject, here’s a list of all the things Percy did for Nico in PJO:  

He was the only one to remind Bianca to think about Nico before joining the hunters.   

(Anger flashed in Zoe's eyes. "That is not thy concern, boy. The point is Bianca may join if she wishes. It is her choice." "Bianca, this is crazy," I said. "What about your brother? Nico can't be a Hunter."( Titan’s Curse, chapter 3)

He made sure, Nico didn’t risk his life by following Bianca on her quest

 ("And now you're thinking about following them on the quest," I guessed. "How did you know that?" "Because if it was my sister, I'd probably be thinking the same thing. But you can't." He looked defiant. "Because I'm too young?" "Because they won't let you. They'll catch you and send you back here. And… yeah, because you're too young. You remember the manticore? There will be lots more like that. More dangerous. Some of the heroes will die." He shoulders sagged. He shifted from foot to foot. "Maybe you're right. (Titan’s curse, chapter 8))

He wanted to risk his own life, so Nico could escape from the skeletons

(I drew my sword and Nico gasped. I whirled and found myself facing four skeleton warriors. They grinned fleshless grins and advanced with swords drawn. I wasn't sure how they'd made it inside the camp, but it didn't matter. I'd never get help in time. "You're trying to kill me!" Nico screamed. "You brought these… these things?" "No! I mean, yes, they followed me, but no! Nico, run. They can't be destroyed." "I don't trust you!" The first skeleton charged. I knocked aside its blade, but the other three kept coming. I sliced one in half, but immediately it began to knit back together. I knocked another's head off but it just kept fighting. "Run, Nico!" I yelled. (Titan’s Curse, Chapter 20)

He searched the woods in the dark for hours after Nico disappeared

 (Annabeth and Grover helped me search the woods for hours, but there was no sign of Nico di Angelo.(Titan’s Curse, Chapter 20))

He made Annabeth and Grover swear to hide Nico’s identity, so the gods wouldn’t kill him

(I don't think Nico understands who he is. But we can't go telling anyone. Not even Chiron. If the Olympians find out—" "It might start them fighting among each other again," Annabeth said. "That's the last thing we need." Grover looked worried. "But you can't hide things from the gods. Not forever." (Titan’s Curse, Chapter 20))

He decided to shoulder the prophecy, solely because he wanted to prevent Nico from going through any more suffering

 ("I don't need forever," I said. "Just two years. Until I'm sixteen." Annabeth paled. "But, Percy, this means the prophecy might not be about you. It might be about Nico. We have to—" "No," I said. "I choose the prophecy. It will be about me." "Why are you saying that?" she cried. "You want to be responsible for the whole world?" It was the last thing I wanted, but I didn't say that. I knew I had to step up and claim it. "I can't let Nico be in any more danger," I said. "I owe that much to his sister. I… let them both down. I'm not going to let that poor kid suffer any more." "The poor kid who hates you and wants to see you dead," Grover reminded me. "Maybe we can find him," I said. "We can convince him it's okay, hide him someplace safe." Annabeth shivered. "If Luke gets hold of him—" "Luke won't," I said. "I'll make sure he's got other things to worry about. Namely, me." (Titan’s Curse, Chapter 20)

He searched for Nico between Titan’s curse and Battle of the labyrinth

 (“So the Nico boy is gone now?” “I—I guess. I tried to search for him this spring. So did Annabeth. But we didn’t have any luck. This is secret, Tyson. Okay? If anyone found out he was a son of Hades, he would be in danger. You can’t even tell Chiron.” (Battle of the Labyrinth, chapter 2))

He risked his, Grover’s, Annabeth’s and Tyson’s life on Geryon’s farm, for the chance to save Nico

(“Either way, you get my friends,” I said. “But, if I succeed, you’ve got to let all of us go, including Nico.” (Battle of the Labyrinth, Chapter 8))

He always offered Nico a place to stay, whenever he got the opportunity

 (“We missed you at dinner,” I said. “You could’ve sat with me.” “No.” “Nico, you can’t miss every meal. If you don’t want to stay with Hermes, maybe they can make an exception and put you in the big house. They’ve got plenty of room.” I’m not staying, Percy.” “But…you can’t just leave. It’s too dangerous out there for a lone half-blood. You need to train.” (Battle of the Labyrinth, Chapter 19)

He invited him to join him on his birthday

 (“Is that… is that blue birthday cake?” He sounded hungry, maybe a little wistful. I wondered if the poor kid had ever had a birthday party, or if he’d ever been invited to one. “Come inside for cake and ice cream,” I said. “It sounds like we’ve got a lot to talk about.” (Battle of the Labyrinth, Chapter 20)

He reminded him that it’s okay to still be a kid  

(“By the way…” I fished something out of my pocket. “Tyson found this while we were cleaning the cabin. Thought you might want it.” I held out a lead figurine of Hades—the little Mythomagic statue Nico had abandoned when he fled camp last winter. Nico hesitated. “I don’t play that game anymore. It’s for kids.” “It’s got four thousand attack power,” I coaxed. “Five thousand,” Nico corrected. “But only if your opponent attacks first.” I smiled. “Maybe it’s okay to still be a kid once in a while.” I tossed him the statue,( Battle of the Labyrinth, Chapter 19)

He always offered him his help

 (“Are you sure you want to stay here?” I asked. “Persephone will make your life miserable.” “I have to,” he insisted. “I have to get close to my dad. He needs a better adviser.” I couldn’t argue with that. “Well, if you need anything-“ “I’ll call,” he promised. (The Sword of Hades, in The Demigod Files, p 133)

He helped him to get the sword of hades back, because he understood his wish to impress his father

(I glanced at Thalia. She didn’t seem too enthusiastic about the whole track-a-thief-with-a-flower-thing. Then I looked at Nico. Unfortunately, I recognized the expression on his face. I knew what it was like wanting to make your dad proud, even if your dad was hard to love. In this case, really hard to love. Nico was going to do this, with or without us. And I couldn’t let him go alone. (The Sword of Hades, in The Demigod Files, page 99)

He acknowledged everything Nico has done in the last Olympian and is one of the main reasons why Hades received a cabin at camp

( “But your children should not be left out. They should have a cabin at camp. Nico has proven that.” (The Last Olympian, Chapter 20)

The only time, Percy hurt Nico in any way was the whole scene in the underworld at the beginning of the last Olympian, but I already tackled that whole scene here:

I would agree that their relationship very much deteriorated in Hoo, mostly because Rick wrote especially Percy pretty OOC, but even in that series, I would never describe Percy’s treatment of Nico as horrible.  

Nico and Percy are together with Hazel my favourite Riordan verse characters, and I really hate how many people pretend like Percy was this horrible person, who always treated Nico shitty, or that they don’t genuinely care for each other. This misconception might be,(together with the “dumb-Percy-stereotype) the take I hate the most in this fandom, and really hurts both of their characters.

Since I struggle with understanding the difference between romantic and platonic attraction, I just need to make it clear that Nico di Angelo makes sense to me despite all of that. As a kid in elementary school who was bullied, who had no friends except my parents, I found comfort in books. People in books don't judge. They don't feel as scary or as imposing as people in real life. And Nico di Angelo was a character who made me feel less alone. Nobody liked him either. He also had no friends. Everyone thought he was weird. And that validation… that validation made him a childhood favourite. I couldn't have explained it as well back then, but I always knew I loved him.

Since I was a kid who never, ever felt romance, the Cupid stuff always went over my head. Maybe now that i'm approaching 20, i'll understand it more. But even if I don't, I get why Nico likes the dead more than the living. It's the same reason Leo likes machines more than real people. Real people are confusing, unpredictable, difficult to work with. Real people are also cruel, judgemental and unkind. But machines and ghosts…machines are predictable. They work in a way you can understand. And ghosts have suffered pain. They can at least understand isolation and loneliness.

And I don't think I ever did understand why Nico had a crush on Percy, because I was a kid for whom romance was just a thing in books and movies (never a real thing to be felt). I just knew that Percy Jackson was the one who was freaked out by him when he learned he was a son of hades, who got annoyed internally when young nico asked too many questions, who broke his promise to keep his sister safe. Percy Jackson was horrible to Nico, and it is not talked about enough. I don't care that they made peace (at least not when I wrote this in a passionate frenzy)!

I want some recognition of how everyone Nico liked hurt him! His sister abandoned him for the hunters! Percy promised to keep her safe, but failed! Everyone at Camp Half-Blood shunned Nico for being a child of hades! Every time we see Nico in these books, people are discussing how freaked out he makes them. Every. Single. Time. Every Time! This kid is the universe's punching bag, and he deserves countless apologies from everyone!

[jmdbjk]

This is my bias...

Help me figure out what's happening here... is this the big dick energy I was talking about or just an optical illusion with the mirror?

Jimin was relaxed and seems like he has certain specific things he wants to accomplish and he's going after it in his usual Jimin-like way. He laughed when talking about what he's been doing and why he's not come to see us live. He said "Do you think I would be doing nothing?" and laughed:

Our Jiminie, through and through.

He addressed his busted up knuckles several times during the live.

Ok, here me out... if he's dabbling in martial arts again... what if Jimin is practicing breaking cinderblocks... because I feel like there are a few blockheads out there that need breaking...yes? But seriously, what if...?

One of the things that I love about Jimin is his self-awareness, his humility and his unpretentiousness. About attending the Dior event prior to this live he expresses how he views himself:

Nervous amongst people in those circles, he says he's a little uncertain and awkward. Though he might feel out of place because of how he views himself, we all know the impact he brings whenever he (or any of the other members) makes an appearance at events like this, no matter how briefly. Fans just want to see him.

One of the things he spoke at length on was how he's been assessing himself, saying it as if stepping back and evaluating what he was doing in a "cold" way, as in clinically critiquing himself.

He said he was able to learn a lot from his Face album activities and promotions and he is improving the way he does things from now on.

He felt like there were a lot of areas where he was lacking and instead of just working on fixing this or that, his mindset is to "start from scratch".

Looking back at it, the excuses are not acceptable to him... to say he was lazy and didn't practice enough or that equipment malfunctioned.

He heard the antis and the criticisms. I personally want to smash their heads in two but I digress with my violent little thoughts.

In order to feel confident while performing onstage he wants to change the way he approaches things.

Overall, Jimin seems like he's got his shit together. He knows there's a time crunch...

😭

He has been thinking how to spend his remaining time with us...

😭

But because he's re-evaluating himself, its taken a long time and I think he's still working on it.

😭

Other things he's mentioned during this live: he's composing new music, shooting a few things, working out, studying English.

He said if he doesn't force himself to take lessons he won't do it. Same, Jimin, same.

He mentioned that he goes out alone in the middle of the night to run along the Han River and when he does he sees Namjoon:

There was other stuff on his mind but he wouldn't share it.

He's been thinking deeply about his future. He is facing his own Chapter 2 (they all are and collectively we are calling this BTS Chapter 2) and he says starting anew is not easy. He's thought a lot about it and still considering how he wants to live his life and future.

You can understand more of his attitude as soon as someone says "Don't forget there are many people cheering for you, Jimin."

His reply is: If there were no people supporting me in my job then there is no need for me to do it.

This is his job. He is the artist. We are the fans. He is not going to forget that there are people cheering for him. He is not worried about fans disappearing as long as he delivers a good product to us.

He is reinventing Park Jimin. And he is taking time to do it and that's why he has not come to see us.

His goal is to change and he's fully confident he can do it. He feels a responsibility as a member of BTS and the man is out to conquer so I say watch out for future Jimin. He just asks for time to make it happen.

I said in a previous post a while back that Jimin – and the company – are not perfect. Speaking only about Jimin: after Face promotions were over and everyone was criticizing him and the company, I said he will evaluate what he's done and if he sees mistakes, things that could be done differently or better, he will fix them going forward. I told y'all this. This is exactly what he is doing.

He mentions that he cut his hair today... and described how long it was (to his chin) before he cut it and I'm crying. I hope he shot photos or video for something before he cut it so we can see...[cry]

His brief mention about Jungkookie's birthday:

My interpretation of his body language: The wheels are turning as he glances around, he is thinking about everything he knows that Jungkook is up to and matter-of-factly tells us "Jungkook is really busy." (Because I know what he's working on).

"I talked to him on the phone yesterday too." Too as in talked to him today as well since this day of Jimin's live IS JK's birthday.

He pauses a moment, thinking about what they spoke about/what he knows about Jungkook's activities and repeats "he's really busy," glances around again, still thinking about what Jungkook is up to and with an intake of breath and looking directly at us says he hopes Kookie-pookie takes good care of his health. He didn't say Kookie-pookie, that was me saying Kookie-pookie.

We know when Jimin is working intensely that he sometimes overdoes it. This is what Jimin implies when he says "he's really busy" and "I hope he takes care of his health" because Jimin can relate to the intensity of JK's activities.

Then asks us to please send his Jungkookie many birthday wishes.

Taking care of his Jungkookie, as he should.

And ending with his own thought about Jungkook's birthday: "It's a wonderful day, right?"

Awwwww.... so sweet. And then that little smirky smirk that I had to edit off because he smirked for another six seconds until someone else asked him AGAIN about his beat up knuckles.

Does he mean scroll back later after the live and look for his explanation about his scraped up hands or is he saying we'll find out later (in future content) why his hands are all beat up?

Then he scoops us up AND WALKS THROUGH HIS APARTMENT SJSKSKSKSJKJMOMFGWTFBBQ????!!!!

He's embarrassed his apartment is dirty or he'd show us. Ok, this is ALREADY A DIFFERENT PARK JIMIN.

My first reaction was NO SHIT, JIMIN! But he meant what he was about to show us was unusual for him. He wanted to show us his solar system mood light (my whole self burst with love for him when he did this).

He's laughing at himself the whole time he's setting it up, telling us his friend made fun of him, a 30 year old man with a mood light.

In bed with Jimin:

Versus in bed with Jungkook:

This is one of the ways I see Jimin transitioning himself. I don't know what the specific catalyst is/was but he's pivoted from being a total privacy freak to now walking around his apartment and showing us various rooms.

His dad's room when he comes to visit:

Jungkook has stated how he grew up learning from the members. You can see that he's learned a lot specifically from Jimin. Well, I think it's Jimin's turn to learn from Jungkook how to show another side of himself in this less inhibited way. I don't expect a naked-in-bed live from Jimin anytime soon but just the fact he showed us even a glimpse of his bed:

And then actually laid down on his bed and did this:

It's fitting he has a realistic solar system mood light. He was into astronomy in school, right? And as I said in a previous post, it makes sense now why the moons on his back look realistic.

He responded to a few comments and one about his earring, he's wearing one in his left ear but the right one got infected so he took it out.

When asked what his plans were for activities he said this:

[he said something that translated to "pondering" and I love him]

When asked to show his seven tattoos (behind his ear, his back, left elbow, right elbow, chest, wrist, finger) he said he posted it yesterday and he looked like an anchovy:

That's my bias, a skinny little anchovy with a heart as big as the universe and a smile that rivals the sunniest day.

I just want this man to be happy in his life:

Jiminie seems to be in control and thriving. I'm excited for him and my heart will break in a billion pieces when he leaves for enlistment. I know I will need to take the day off work (HOW CRAZY IS THAT??)

But sounds like he's going to show us/give us more before he goes and I feel very blessed that this one is my bias.

[cator99]

I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care

[secondpersonpoetry]

you’ve probably already read it before, but the poem Party by Kim Addonizio really got me tonight. first thought was “oh man. yeah” and then my second thought was “how can i make this about my hockey guys somehow………..”anyway! have a good one! 

oh. oh.

​

[classyrbf]

IS THERE SOMEONE ELSE! — GOJO SATORU

SYNOPSIS...you and gojo get into a fight after realizing that he’s been hiding something about your relationship the entire time

INFO...gojo x fem!reader, angsty, arguing, breaking up(?), not proofread

OTHER...likes and reblogs are appreciated

You slam the door to the penthouse, your heels clicking against the mahogany floors with each step. You toss your purse on the couch, hearing Gojo opening the front door and shutting it quickly. “Baby, please just listen to me.” He pleads, following after you.

“I don’t wanna hear your bullshit excuse, Satoru.” You roll your eyes, plopping down on the edge of the bed to relieve your sore feet of the heels you’ve been wearing all night to your boyfriends opening event he’s been planning for months now.

“I’m not trying to make excuses. Please.” He walks over towards you and toss your heel at him. “Stop throwing shit and just talk to me!”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do!” You stand to your feet, glaring daggers at him. “Do you know how embarrassing that was for me? God, you’re a fucking asshole.” You seethe, narrowing your eyes. “I sat there all alone, while you let some woman feel up on you the entire night? Are you out your fucking mind?” You scoff.

“She’s just an old friend, y/n. I swear I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.” He shakes his head at you, grabbing onto your arms tightly.

“Oh, yeah? So I when I came up and introduced myself as your girlfriend none of your friends were looking at me like I was crazy? I know we’ve been only together for a year, Satoru, but that’s fucking low.” You pull away from him. “They didn’t even know who I was. Then you got miss prissy bitch clearly flirting with you in front of me and you didn’t do a damn thing to stop it!” You brush past him, stomping over towards the bathroom.

“Slow down, y/n! Baby—”

“I’m not your fucking ‘baby’, Satoru.” You gather all of your products from the bathroom, from your makeup and skincare to your clothes and shampoo.

“Stop for just one second.” He spins you around so you’re facing him. “Don’t leave. I swear you’re the only girl for me. I know I fucked up, I know I did. I embarrassed you, made you look stupid and I am so fucking sorry. But please do not leave.” He cups your face gently and his touch feels so inviting, but you can’t forgive him that easily. “I only want you. I only need you.”

You look up at him through your lashes, swallowing thickly as you bite the inside of your cheek. “Should’ve thought about that when you let her kiss your cheek and you smiled at her. Right in front of me. Get the fuck off of me.” You push him, rushing to grab your bag from the closet.

Gojo lets out a tired sigh, following you. He wasn’t going to let you go. Not like this. “I shouldn’t have let her near me.”

“Why was she so comfortable with being that close to you, huh?” You question, furrowing your brows as you turn to look at him. “Now that I think about it. Let me guess, you two were more than just friends.” You stand to your feet, snatching your clothes off the hangers and shoving them into your bag. He looks at you, opening his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. And from the look in his eyes, you already knew the truth. A bitter laugh leaves your lips, shaking your head in disappointment.

“It was before you! Before us! We never dated it was just a small thing between me and her!” He tried to explain. “Baby, I swear! Once I met you, everything changed. I cut her off and focused all my attention on you. You’re the only who has my heart.” He grabbed your wrist only for you to pull away.

“Clearly I ain’t the only who who’s got your dick, though.” You slam the closet door shut, turning your back towards him.

“Don’t say that, y/n. That’s the first time I’ve seen her in years!”

“Yeah? Well all your friends sure know about her. She must’ve been great in bed, Satoru. Me? Well, they looked at me like I was a fucking ghost!” You scoff. “Like I was some delusional bitch who came up to you and said I was your girlfriend!” You throw your hands up in disbelief. “You must take me for fucking joke. It must be written on my forehead or something!”

“I don’t take you for a joke! You’re my goddamn girlfriend. You live with me. You have my initial around your fucking neck! I love you and you know that!” He takes a step towards you.

“Do I know that?” You ask aloud, cocking your head to the side.

“What—of course I love you. What the fuck are you saying?” He looked at you with pure confusion.

“You’re a joke. One of your friends, Shoko, pulled me aside and told me the only reason you got with me is because your little fling ended up getting a boyfriend herself around the time we started dating. You’re a piece of shit.” You revealed the truth to him, watching him stare at you blankly, lost for words. “Think I wouldn’t find out?” You ripped off the necklace with his initial, tossing it at him.

“Yes, I was upset that she got a boyfriend but—”

“So you had feelings for her. And just to cover them up, you got with me as a distraction.” You step closer towards him. “Listen to me, Satoru, don’t ever try and contact me again, keep whatever fucking gifts you bought me and return them, sell them, do whatever because I am done,” you spoke through gritted teeth.

“No, no, no, baby. You can’t leave me. Yea I liked her before, but so fucking what? I was never in love with her, not like I am with you. I was too fucking stupid. I still am! Just give me another chance to fix this. I don’t want us to end this way.” He grabs your packed bag from your hands and tosses it on the bed.

“Let me go, Satoru.”

“No,” he shakes his head, “I can’t. You’re everything to me. She’s nothing compared to you.” He sniffles, holding your hands in his. “I love you so much and I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you the truth. I’m sorry I embarrassed you. And I’m sorry for entertaining the idea that she could even come close to you. She can’t.” His hands cupped your face, his heart pounding in anticipation as he waited to hear any words from you.

You reached up, pulling his hands away from your face. “Bye, Satoru.” You walked past him, grabbing your bag off of the bed. As much as it hurt to leave, you knew you had to respect yourself. Time and space was what you needed to think. With each step out the door, you could hear Gojo’s sobs, something you’ve never heard before in the year you’ve been with him. For the strong, flashily and confident man he is, you never once thought you’d see or him break down. Especially not for you.

[tonycries]

The Way You Kiss Me - G.S.

Synopsis. The four times Satoru tries really hard not to kiss you - his best friend’s pretty younger sister. And the one time he doesn’t.

Pairing. Gojo Satoru x Reader

Content. MDNI, fem! Suguru’s sister! reader, childhood enemies to lovers, PINING Satoru, like really really disgustingly down bad, creampíe, oral (fem receiving), pússytalking, needy JEALOUS! Satoru, running away from it, spítting, punching is Suguru’s love language, mentions of aIcohol, pet names, swearing.

Word count. 7.4k (That’s wild)

A/N. BOO! Surprise upload. This was so fun to write omg.

“You sure this is how the grown-ups get married?”

“Duh, I know everything.”

“Nuh uh, Toru.”

“Yuh uh!”

The first time Gojo Satoru kissed you was underneath that dingy playground slide that the two of you always raced to after elementary school. 

Usually, your older brother, Suguru, would walk home alongside you two - but this time, he’d just so happened to have been held back for throwing paper planes at the teacher that day.

A sign from the universe, Satoru internally celebrated, something he’d learned from those sappy romance novels his mother left lying around the house. No matter that he was the one that made those planes.

You were six back then, standing in front of a determined Satoru - reaching up on his tip-toes, face pink, smelling of those cheap strawberry lollipops he’d sneak into class and taunt you with. At the much older and wiser age of seven, he’d insisted on being the first one to lean in.

Just barely even grazing your dramatically puckered lips before-

Satoru learned two things that fateful afternoon:

Even as a seven-year-old, Suguru’s punches really hurt. 

Never mess with you. Anyone but you. 

Life only seemed to go downhill from there - because that last lesson was proving to be hard along the years. Really. Fucking. Hard.

Little did Satoru know that this would be the start of some strange, unpredictable little dance of push and pull. No, you definitely weren’t his wife. Nor were you exactly best friends - not really, that spot was reserved for your brother. But you didn’t think you could ever be just that either.

And the punch that’d knocked his wobbly tooth out onto the playground floor that day was a painful reminder that whatever that was - whatever weird thoughts he had later in middle school about how you’d tasted like candy - didn’t matter. No matter how part some tucked-away little part of him wanted it to.

Hell, eleven years later and Satoru still can’t walk around that familiar block without feeling slightly queasy. Which is why, after that failed first kiss, he knew there wouldn’t be a second. 

Instead, he settles back to teasing your pouty self, pushing all your buttons, tugging on those cute dresses you wore. Face burning so strangely with- humiliation? when you bickered right back, calling his haircut a “tragic attempt at modern art.”

“So you’re saying I look like art?” A gangly, now-seventeen Satoru blocks the bustling high school hallway, ignoring the bell. Grin only growing at your frustrated huff, he half-jokes, “Aww, if you’re that soft on me, sweetheart, maybe we should go to prom tog-”

You slam your locker, effectively shutting both it and Satoru at the same time. “I’d rather go with Yaga.”

“...you would not.”

“Would to.”

“Would not.”

“Would to.”

“Would- Sugu–!”

And all Suguru can do is wrap two hands around his neck, mock-choking himself, wondering if it was really too late to embrace a quiet life as a monk. “You’ll both be MLA cited in my farewell note.”

He was used to it, though, forced to watch all this chaos since quickly mending his friendship with Satoru over ice cream the day after the punch. Convinced that this was some punishment for a past life’s misdeed.

With a squawk of protest, Satoru’s turning back to you, eyes crinkling with a hint of mischief you knew too well, “Would not.”

Your face burns, “Would to, Toru.”

You didn’t go with Yaga. but Satoru didn’t exactly count that as a win in his books, either, because you did show up that night hanging off the arm of some jerk from the football team. 

And there you were, all dolled up - which he very objectively noted - way too prettily for some bastard like him. Stars in your eyes, and everything he couldn’t have in that smile. 

Everything. 

Way too gorgeous, even when he finds you sitting outside the gymnasium later on in the night. Too busy bawling your mascara off to even throw out your usual greeting insult his way. Murmuring out wetly about “that asshole” and how he humiliated you by stranding you in the middle of the dance floor for someone else. 

“Well, he was a jerk anyway. Even Yaga would’ve been better, hell, I-” Satoru stops short to his horror at the way you only cry harder.

Way too irresistible, especially as his body moves before his mind - holding out an open hand before he knows it. “I’m a much better dancer than him and you.” And oh Satoru will forever remember the way his heart lurches as you blink your teary eyes up in confusion, “Well, aren’t ya gonna take up the challenge?”

Weirdly, it wasn’t weird at all. 

If anything, you had to hold back your laughter the entire time at the way the great “campus sweetheart” Gojo Satoru was so on edge.

Just a friend comforting a friend, right?

So why was he avoiding your gaze with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, summer blue eyes pointedly trained right over your head. That pretty pink blush dusting his cheeks reflecting the hands hovering in midair over your waist. So close - and yet, fear in each and every turn and swirl.

Yours were searing into his broad shoulders as you tried to guide him to the muffled music from inside. And shit.

That night ended with a second kiss. 

You don’t know who leaned in first, just that Satoru’s soft lips were just fleeting on your glossy ones - barely even a touch. And that shit shit shit- this was Satoru. This was you. 

Everything. 

But it seems that every time Satoru was about to kiss you dangerously close to the way some tiny, forbidden part of his heart wanted to - the universe throws an obstacle at him. An obstacle that was six feet and named “Suguru”, currently running at break-neck speed out of the gym.

“MOVE YOUR ASSES!” he cackles, “THE FOOTBALL TEAM ISN’T TOO HAPPY ABOUT ME BREAKING THEIR STAR PLAYER’S NOSE.”

And not a word is uttered about the kiss as the three of you speed out of the school parking lot in Suguru’s busted-up black hellcat, the wind mussing up the hairstyle that took Satoru over two hours to perfect. Sneaking in glances at the sight of you singing along at the top of your lungs to some overplayed pop song on the radio. 

He learns another two things that night:

Apparently, Suguru’s right hook still really fucking hurt. And thank god for tonight’s casualties of noses, because it was a wonder that he didn’t look too hard at how close Satoru was with you. 

He didn’t…dislike the feeling of your lips on his. And judging by the way you meet his eyes in the rearview mirror - you didn’t either.

It’s mainly that last one that makes him gulp.

Neither of you remember the third kiss - though, Satoru’s sure that at least 80% of Shoko’s instagram followers did.

According to a very hungover Shoko, and the many, many forms of documentation, it had happened on the New Year’s eve during your third year in university. In which you were much more used to the raging parties that would be hosted at Suguru’s apartment, and only slightly less intimidated by them.

“And you’re a lightweight too, dumbass. You were gone.” Shoko sighs from across the café table, eye bags deeper than the last time he’d seen her. “Like gone gone.”

God, what a way to start the year.

Satoru bites back a remark about how “gone” Shoko herself had been. Sitting up straight in his seat, regret immediately hitting his senses faster than the guilty throbbing at his temples. He winces, managing out a semi-disbelieving groan of, “Gone gone?”

And she’s only nodding wearily, subconsciously tapping out the rest of her cigarette ashes onto his untouched plate of sweet pastries. 

“I’m talking dancing on expensive coffee tables and fighting to stop you from giving everyone there a strip show.” She cracks a smirk through a waft of smoke, “Though, she would’ve loved that I’m sure.”

“Har har har, you’d make even Nanami laugh with that one.”

“Eugh, gross.” Shoko taps through her phone briefly, swirling it around to show Satoru a few pictures that definitely gave him a mini-heart attack at 8:57 in the morning. “You look like you’re about to pen really bad poetry.”

And perhaps this was Shoko’s plan all along - to shock Satoru to the core hard enough that she can note it down as one of her sketchy psychological experiments. 

But he knew. Could feel it in the hazy fragments of memories - or, at the very least, in that entire highlight that Nanamin had oh-so-conveniently put up on Instagram titled, “Blackmail.”

You knew. 

You’d kissed him back. 

“I don’t have a-.” you slur, stumbling ever-so-slightly as you try to meet Satoru’s glassy eyes. Because shit the years have had him shooting up faster than you could look up. “-a New Year’s kiss, y’know.”

You were older - more gorgeous, if that was even possible now. That tight dress hugging your body so unfairly in a way that had him forgetting you were his best friend’s sister. 

The one person in this whole world that he couldn’t have.

But Satoru leans in closer, more because he wants to than anything - he could pick out your voice anywhere let alone over the thumping music currently filling his crowded living room. Lips loose as he tries to play up the cool-guy facade he’s been dubbed with since freshman year, “Hah, loser. Because I do.”

“Where?”

At this, Satoru is stumped - damn, you were good. 

“Not- uh here?” If he was in any clearer state of mind, he’d have been embarrassed at the way his voice cracks so traitorously as your unsteady hands pull him in closer by his overpriced button-up. 

Your body was flush against his now, so addictive. Gaze half-lidded and flickering between the sliver of milky skin exposed on his chest - from that impromptu striptease he’d almost started earlier - and the blue eyes that were currently locked you. You whisper a strained, “Liar.”

Close - too close. So dangerously close.

He breathes out against your lips, the smell of booze and you so heady in his mind. And the heavy words falling from his lips sound like lies, even to him. “Not.”

“Toru?” you hum, a sound that has him gasping. “Shut up.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

And there went your New Year’s kisses. At exactly 11:37PM, if the photos were anything to go by. 

And holy shit were there many. All of which showed your arms looped around Satoru’s neck, crashing his lips to yours. His own, resting against your waist, a scandalously red blush - whether from the alcohol or you - adorning his cheeks. Looking more blissed out than he ever remembers feeling. 

“I’m a dead man, Shoko.” 

There’s a lengthy silence, leaving Satoru stewing in thoughts of how Suguru would react once he finds out. And whether or not he’d be able to rise from the dead just to see how pretty you’d look at his funeral.

Morbid thoughts broken only by Shoko’s cough, “Hey, can I keep your eyes for experimentation if he actually catches you?”

Subtly, he sends himself those photos from last night.  

Luckily for Satoru’s eyes, they never ended up being donated towards Shoko’s questionable contributions to the world of medicine. 

And by some grace of the gods above, Suguru never mentioned a word about the kiss that would’ve inevitably made its way to him. Or maybe it was because Satoru stole his phone until he managed to pester Nanami just enough to take down that highlight. But, semantics. 

His heart, however, might as well have been part of some experiment.

Because it’s been working overdrive since that night - mind reliving that moment over and over and over and- shit, he’s fucked. So, so fucked. 

Fucked enough that it took Satoru months just to muster up to even look in your pretty eyes once more, unless he wanted to get lost in them forever. Fucked enough that he dared to wonder again and again when there might be a fourth kiss - if there would be a fourth kiss. 

He just never thought it would happen the way it did - with you, standing outside his front door. 

“I’m sorry, Toru.” you mumble, “It’s just- I think we both need to grow up.”

You’ve freshly graduated now, looking more and more irresistible each time he sees you - even when you’re looking at him like that. 

Rolling his eyes, “Ha, is this another way of saying you want my secret to getting taller? Because the first thing is to-”

“I’m serious, Satoru.”

And oh how he wished you’d say something - anything - else right now. Call him anything but that. Maybe even throw an insult his way, tell him those new sunglasses look ugly, or about how you got that internship he would’ve died for. 

Satoru manages to choke out a heavy, “I don’t understand.” But that uncomfortable coil of something curling at the pit of his stomach said otherwise. And it causes him to finally breathe out a hesitant, “Maybe you’re right.”

As if that was all the answer you needed, you’re stepping out of the front door. Slow, and deliberate like you were giving him another chance - a thousand more. Sighing out a defeated, “It’s been years.” It has. “And we’re just running in circles.” You have. “I’m starting to think this is just some game to you.” It wasn’t.

“Wait!” he grasps your hand - soft. The look in your eyes even softer as you turn around to face his desperate face. “Please, sweetheart.”

Satoru doesn’t even know what words he wants to say - let alone whether they’d come out of his heavy mouth. 

So, instead, he’s crashing them into yours. 

Brief. Fleeting. Like each one before this. Too addictive, too short, that he thinks he’s almost imagining it as you pull away gently, until he sees that look in your eyes. 

“Toru, I have a date.”

The fourth kiss.

Satoru’s letting go of you like it burned - and, truly, it felt like some deep, dark part of him was burning down right now. “Great.” That should be hm that should be him that should be- “I’m…happy for you.”

And the last.

He fucked up.

He really, really fucked up.

That first date turned into a second. The second into a third. And unfortunately for Gojo, eventually, you were nearing your one-year anniversary with that asshat you’d met during the early days of your internship. 

He’d seen the man himself once, briefly at another one of Suguru’s famous parties. Ducking out of sight before he could be introduced, yet long enough to know that he wasn’t as tall, or as handsome, or as absolutely fucking hilarious. 

What did he have that Satoru didn’t? 

The answer to that, Satoru’s reminded of every time he’s causing ruckus over at Suguru’s apartment, and sees you walking out of your room, tittering on the phone to none other than your boyfriend. So gorgeous. So not his. 

You, that loser had you.

“If you sigh again I swear I’m shoving this popcorn up your a-”

“It’s a sad movie, Suguru!” he defends, draped across your couch at another one of those movie nights you loved to organize. As usual, there was the popcorn, the god-awful movie (if Satoru picks it), and the arguments. The only thing missing, however, was you. Ugh, something about an “anniversary” and a “seafood date”. Seriously, it’s not like you even enjoyed that new seafood restaurant in town, and he’s sure that bastard didn’t know-

“Satoru.” his best friend’s deadpan voice cuts through his little reverie. “We’re watching Mean Girls.”

And he’s barely even opening his mouth to snark back before-

SLAM!

Suguru pauses the movie almost immediately, turning to the direction of the front door. “Uh oh.” 

And lo and behold - there was you in all your pissed off, beautiful glory. Throwing your keys on the table, your fiery glare passes over the two men as you stomp to your bedroom. 

“Seafood wasn’t that good, sweetheart?” Satoru calls out behind you, eyes sweeping down your figure. Heart stuttering in his chest when you turn around with your fists clenched, lower lip wobbling in a way that Satoru would both kill whoever made you feel this way and die to be on the other side of those daggers in your eye. 

Sniffing out an icy, “Fuck off, loser and loserette.”

Then in a whirlwind of rage, you’re gone - your bedroom door slamming only slightly more gently than you’d done with the front door. Leaving a deafening silence, and Satoru whining, “Why am I the loserette?”

“Deserved.” Suguru shrugs. Warily eyeing your door, as if it was about to pounce at any given second, “Let her cool down before you give her an aneurysm at least.” Unpausing the television, propping his feet back up, “S’enough having to deal with you on top of a boyfriend like that.”

And that has Satoru perking up in interest - both figuratively, and literally as he snatches the remote and pauses the movie. “Wait wait wait what-” Holding it way out of Suguru’s reach, “What do you mean a ‘boyfriend like that’?”

Scoffing, “Funny. Now give me back the remote.”

A beat of silence passes. One. Two.

Only then does it dawn on Suguru that this might just not be some strange prank to stroke Satoru’s ego, and he was actually  more serious than he’d ever seen him. Damn. 

“Bro, have you really never met the guy or something? He’s a complete tool. I don’t know what happened, but this breakup was a long time coming.”

Satoru blinks, feeling a red hot surge of anger. “What? Seriously? Why didn’t you do anything about it?”

“You think I didn’t try?” he sighs, running a hand through his hair at the other’s uncharacteristic silence. “Hah, and just imagine, the man was talking about marriage, too. As if.”

And suddenly, Satoru’s hit with an image of you walking down the aisle. Not something he was a stranger to, but it still takes him aback. The sway of the fabric beneath his fingers, your lips against his. Hell, in that split-second he even dreams up how Nanamin would be crying very reluctant tears of joy. 

Everything. Everything that wasn’t his.

His fist tightens around the remote, until he could hear the cracking of plastic. Mind whirling with the thought of you and him and you. How he wished it was him and you. “I would’ve been better.”

Oh. 

Shit. 

“I- fuck this. Suguru, since elementary school I…”

And, well, Satoru’s so busy putting that extra physics seminar he took in university to work - trying to calculate the odds of surviving a jump out of this seven-storey window - that he almost misses Suguru’s low hum, a distant, almost barely-audible little interruption, “Well duh.”

“Hold on.” he’s snatching away the remote that had somehow slithered its way into the other’s hands once again. Ignoring his best friend’s croak of protests to pause in the middle of Regina George being hit by the bus - which, he felt was strangely enviable right now. “That was- what? YOU KNOW?”

“Huh? Even my parents know, the only one that doesn’t is her.”

“...”

Satoru didn’t know how Suguru seemed so calm, but he felt like he was about to spontaneously combust. Heart stuttering in his chest as he sideglances at your firmly shut door - like he was just waiting for you to jump out and tell him this was some elaborate prank. 

Begging for you to come - it would’ve hurt less.

But you don’t.

Fuck. 

And the only response he gets is a low whistle, before a phone is being shoved in his face - flashlight illuminating that crimson blush. “Damn, the great Gojo Satoru speechless? The groupchat is gonna love this, might even send it to my sister, y’know.” 

He didn’t care - didn’t give a shit if this video made rounds to Gakuganji himself. Only one thought racing through his mind right now. 

“But why aren’t you punching me like in elementary school?” 

And Satoru knows he’s smart - intelligent even. Hell, he was the valedictorian, the youngest employee to claw their way up to being on the board of directors. But he’s never felt more stupid when Suguru breathes out a bewildered, “Dude. That was for blaming me for the paper planes.” 

“Oh.”

Then the movie is unpaused. 

---

The last time you kissed Gojo Satoru was at the doorstep to that overpriced penthouse of his, exactly a year ago today. 

The last time you saw Gojo Satoru was just a few hours ago, lounging around your living room like he owned it. Honestly, he might as well have been part of the furniture at this point - like some expensive, fluffy couch. One that prattled on about your “dumbass boyfriend” and god-knows-what else to rile you up just for the fun of it.

Which is why it was odd to step out of your bedroom - eyes just a bit puffy, throat still tight - to a suspiciously quiet hallway. 

The lights were turned off, nothing but the pouring rain sounding from outside, television paused on some rerun of The Princess Diaries. Damn, you told those idiots not to start that one without you.

“Sugu?” you call, finding his bedroom empty. “Thought tonight was movie night?” Padding across the empty apartment, contemplating whether or not to get your phone and call him when-

Ding!

Ah, there. 

You roll your eyes as you head towards the front door, ready to give Suguru a piece of his mind for going out at this ungodly hour and forgetting his key. Seriously, what if you opened the door and he was hurt, or worse, or…

Satoru. 

Speaking a mile a minute.

Satoru.

“-florist was closed and the store clerk looked at me like I was crazy but I got this for-” he pauses abruptly, as if realizing something with a jolt. “-you.”

“You- what-” you don’t know where to look - at the drenched, disheveled Satoru filling your doorframe - rain in his hair, curtaining his frantic eyes, drenching his snug t-shirt. Or at the obscenely large bouquet of cheap strawberry lollipops being placed gently into your arms. 

What follows was an electric silence - and you have half the mind to tease Satoru for finally shutting the fuck up for once in his life. 

But, no. Instead, you eye the way he stands stubbornly at the doorway, fists clenched, blue eyes locked so intensely on yours that it was like they burned. 

Face flushed a familiar pretty pink that makes you realize that shit, he might be taller, voice deeper, broad shoulders tight against his t-shirt - but this was still the same boy that cried when you stole his favorite Digimon card in middle school. The same one that kissed you underneath a dingy slide, smelling of strawberry lollipops.

It’s the steady tap! tap! tap! of the water droplets from his hair that have you tearing your traitorous eyes from his see-through white t-shirt.

Guess you’ve both done some growing up since then.

“You loser.”

“Yes, sweetheart?”

The pink wrapping of the bouquet rustles as your grip tightens. “He proposed to me today, y’know.” and yet, your quiet, even voice was the only thing ringing in Satoru’s ears. He jolts, as if some visceral, primal part of himself had been poked awake. Breathing heavy, fists clenching until he could feel the neat indents of his fingernails on his palm. Of course. He’s late. He’s late he’s late he’s late-

That is, until you’re plowing on, “I said no.”

“Huh?”

You think back to the stuffy restaurant, the man sitting from across from you - how wrong it felt. And all it took were those four words for you to realize that. “I said no.” 

Satoru snaps his head up, stepping close - so close. Voice strained like he wasn’t asking - begging. Praying, “Why?”

“We…” you raise a brow at the way Satoru flinches as you trail off. So desperate. A smirk makes its way onto your face, “...we haven’t divorced yet, right?”

And then you’re kissing him - or maybe he’s kissing you. 

Fuck, you don’t know - nor do you really care right now. Not when Satoru’s got his lips crashing against yours for the fifth time in your life, kissing you like it would be the last. Big arms dipping down to your waist, pulling you so tight against his muscled frame that he had half the mind to wonder whether it hurt. 

“Love this. Love the way you kiss me- fuck-” he’s spitting against your lips, kicking the door shut behind him. “Oh- would ya get mad if I-” he tries to get out through kisses. Only to suck on your pretty lips with a pained grunt. “If I-” Again and again, like it killed him to part. “-hah- celebrated right now?”

“Yes.” You’re letting the bouquet fall to the foor, white-knuckling that useless, drenched excuse of a shirt. “Now kiss me properly, Toru.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Such a sloppy mix of teeth and hands and him. Shoving a knee between your legs, making up for years and years of late nights with nothing but his fist and the pretty thought of you. 

“Yeah, that’s it, sweetheart.” Satoru breathes out, as your urgent fingers that dispose of his shirt, feeling the gorgeous dips and curves of years of hard work to impress you. “Suck on m’tongue pretty- fuck-” His own fisting your shirt, pulling. Ripping.

“Toru!”

“I want you.” He’s letting the poor, tattered pieces drop in a pile on the floor, trailing a hand between your damp thighs before he can stop himself. “Oh how I’ve wanted you. And I don’t care if I have to buy fifty new outfits to make up for it.”

And it’s the feeling of his long index stroking up your sopping slit through your shorts that has you pulling away with a gasp. Delicate little strings of saliva snapping from Satoru’s kiss-bitten lips. “If we continue like this…” your voice wavers as he presses hot kisses along your collarbone. “-my brother’s gonna walk in.”

“...wouldn’t wanna relive that playground kiss, huh?”

It’s all he says before picking you up so easily, hands resting on your ass. Giving a playful spank ass you wrap your legs around his toned waist. 

And it’s sloppy.

Both his lips still hotly on yours and the way he’s stumbling urgently to your room through pure muscle memory. Pulling away only when you’re all splayed out so prettily for him on your mattress.

“Blue?” he breathes, pulling your shorts off. And it comes out strained - like the very sight of your panties - all soaked and flimsy with your slick - has whatever’s remaining of Satoru’s sanity flying out the window. “Blue? Oh, you’ve gotta have planned this, you little minx.” his hot breath hits your cunt as he shifts down the bed, tongue drawing languid, wet little circles on your inner thigh. “Because don’t tell me this was all for him?”

It was coincidence - or maybe fate - but that doesn’t stop you from giving Satoru a slow, teasing nod. Muttering out, “So what if it was?”

The only answer you get is thumb hooked around your shorts, pulling it just enough so that your brother’s best friend can spy your pretty pussy.

“Well then.” he chuckles at the way you jump when his fingertip just barely grazes your clit. “Guess I jus’ hafta prove m’better.”

A low groan is falling from his lips as soon as they meet your puffy ones, giving your pretty clit a chaste peck. Lingering long enough that he’s sure your sweet sweet juices cover his mouth.

And oh Satoru’s sure he’ll never forget the way your jaw falls slack, glassy eyes following his every move as he runs his tongue along his glossy lips. Savoring your candied taste, “Never kissed you like this before, huh?” 

Fuck, you’re sweeter than he’s imagined.

You whine desperately, something that has him smirking smugly, “Hah, what? Cat got your tongue?”

“You’re better when you shut up.” It’s all you can do to buck your hips into Satoru’s pretty face - not that you had to, because one taste of your dripping cunt and he was addicted. Surging forwards until he was nose-deep, locking your ankles around his head with a firm yank.

And you can’t lie - maybe you’ve imagined this exact scene a few times before on those lonely nights. But you just never expected Satoru to be so depraved. Desperate.

“Ngh- fuck, Toru-” you reach a hand down to thread your fingers through his hair, tugging his face up. But Satoru doesn’t stop - not even for a second. Tongue still dipping to spread your swollen folds with his tongue, looking you right in the eyes as he murmurs a strangled, “Mhm?” 

“Thought you were gonna prove you’re better, hm?”

So goading. So like you. 

At this, Satoru pulls back ever-so-slightly to laugh - laugh. His plump, glistening lips curling into a humorless little grin, “Oh I will.” Thumb circling your throbbing clit. Just dragging your twitching body across the silky sheets close to his, one hand pinning your hips down. Hard. “I will.”

Loving his new favorite place between your legs one hand toys with your clit, quick, messy little patterns. Tongue even more so. 

“Not just better.” he grunts, “Gonna make you cum so much harder, too.” Having your thighs shake with each word hissed out into your cunt, each turn of his deft fingers. “Till I’m the only thing on your mind. Me.”

And it’s all you can do to let out choked up groans of his name, back arching off the plush mattress to let him make out with your cunt deeper. Sloppier. So, so starved with the way he’s speeding up, tongue dragging across your walls. In and out in and out in and-

“Fuck! Hngh-” you angle his head - and he lets you. “There- Toru-”

Honestly, you didn’t even have to tell Satoru - he could feel it. Could feel it in the way your plushy walls are squeezing his hot tongue so harsh, until it was almost difficult to fuck your pussy so sloppily. In the way you’re letting out such delicious whines each time he grazes against those sweet spots. 

“There? Hah- I know.” he pulls away to muse, and your cute, disappointed whine goes straight to his already rock-hard cock. “Did he?”

He didn’t. And you’re shaking your head so pathetically - in a way you’d be embarrassed about usually. 

But that’s the last thing you’re thinking bout because you feel it - the cold, sinful feeling of Satoru spitting on your filthy cunt. Once. Twice. Blue eyes widening in delight at the way the mess of spit and slick drip down your slit. 

“Cute.” his tongue smoothes over the slutty pool, and the only thing your delirious brain can make out now is a low moan of, “So? Who’s better?”

It’s all you can do to choke out a broken little, “T-T-” Face burning at the way he was so clearly enjoying your struggle. And, well, no matter painfully hard it made his dick - he had to go just a bit easy on his girl, right?

“Shhhh, s’alright.” you flinch as he shoves two absolutely drenched fingers into your mouth, making so much more of a mess of it than necessary. Drinking in your cute gags, “I was asking her.” He’s making your head spin with the way he’s speeding up. “N’ she’s hah- very talkative.” Words muffled, and slurring together - like he was drunk off of you and your cunt. “Let’s hear what she has to ngh- say, huh?”

And with that, he’s alternating between lapping at your clit and squeezing into your sloppy entrance - like he couldn’t - didn’t - want to make up his mind. Oh, with your teary mewls strangled, the sound of Satoru making out with cunt is so loud. The squelches so obscene. 

“Fuuuuck.” he drawls. “Louder than I thought. I think she says I’m better, don’t you think?” 

You angle your head just right to catch the way his jaw grinds deeper into you, eating you out like his last meal. Your slick drooling down his chin so sinfully. 

“Ngh- fuck fuck fuck- ngh-” your yelps are dreamy, feeling like you were losing your mind with the way he was stretching you out. 

Like you were about to snap. Any second now. 

But Satoru’s only increasing his movements, drawing out your little moans. “And I think she’s saying…”  Getting sloppier. More erratic - and it didn’t matter if his fingers were cramping up now, cock aching with the need to be inside you. “-that she’s about to cum.”

You do - so hard and loud - both you and your cunt. 

You’re shaking, all but gushing all over Satoru’s mouth, tight pussy squeezing his tongue so hard. Barely even realizing the searing grip you’ve got on his hair as you drag your sloppy pussy all over his mouth.

But Satoru doesn’t mind - he gladly welcomes it, in fact. Tonguefucking your snug cunt senselessly, letting you chase your high as roughly as you wanted. Over and over.

Even when you’re vision isn’t as spotty as before, even when nothing’s coming out of your mouth but little whimpers. Your breathing dying down until all that rings in your barely-lucid mind were those obscene noises of Satoru’s lips all on yours. 

“T-Toru-” you whine, big fat tears pricking at your hazy eyes. “M’so sensitive.”

And of course this is Satoru, the same boy who’s been pushing your buttons for years just to giggle at your adorable reactions. Which is why he grins against your twitching cunt, “So?”

It takes everything in you to raise your head off the pillow that just seemed to be swallowing you whole, and even more to shoot Satoru a half-hearted glare. “So m’gonna ngh- assume you’re jus’ a pussy with a s-smaller dick than-”

You don’t get to finish your sentence - he doesn’t let you. Because Satoru’s fumbling with his belt, peeling off those still-drenched pants just enough for you to admire his clothed erection. 

And, shit, admittedly you expected him to have a big dick - having been subjected to way too much locker room talk with your brother - but this was ridiculous. 

“What? Too big?” He flashes you that infuriating grin. Palming his rock-hard cock through his boxers at the way your beautiful eyes trace the outline of his cock, all swollen and big. So intimidatingly big. “Damn, sweetheart, if I knew that this was how I’d get that feisty lil’ mouth of yours to shut up then I’d have done it a lot sooner.” 

And you don’t even know if you’re breathing, the pads of your fingers dancing along his bulge. Tracing those prominent veins. Thumbing that little damp spot at his fat head. “You wouldn’t have.” 

He hisses as your soft hands dip into the hem of his underwear. Voice cracking slightly, “I wouldn’t.”

Then you’re gasping - in sync with Satoru’s low moan - as you finally let him spring free. Thick cock hitting his sculpted abs, red tip smearing precum in a lewd little pool. Weeping and so so angry at the sight of you.

At the heavenly feeling of your thumb teasing under his sensitive slit, “Oh, shit.” 

He’s throwing his head back when you give an experimental pump, all the way from his pretty tip to the tufts fo white at his hilt. Fist gliding all over the thumping veins. Bucking his hips up like such a slut into your touch. 

“O-oh fuck.” he cracks an eye open at the way your hand looked so small compared to his dick, how well you were taking care of him. “Been ngh- dreaming of this since I learned what handjobs were, y’know? Hah- shit- ya gotta stop before I fuckin’ pass out.”

And Satoru thinks he could cum right then and there at the way you’re bringing your soaked index up to your mouth. Batting your lashes as you suck on them with a lewd pop! “From jus’ that?”

“You have no idea.”

That’s all it takes for Satoru to throw your still-quivering thighs over his shoulders, effectively shutting up whatever tease is on the tip of your sharp tongue by kissing your swollen folds with his fat head. Giving it one, long drag. 

Your mouth is sagging open at the slow, torturous teasing. The sheer anticipation that had your mouth running, “S-so much for ah- jus’ being ‘friends’, huh?”

“Oh, sweetheart.” And you’re flinching from Satoru’s deep, dark tone. The way he’s bracing his fingers so bruisingly on your hips, reeling all the way back till his tip was just kissing your hole. “We stopped being friends the day you married me on that playground.” 

And then he’s slamming in - pushing past that first, feeble ring of resistance, gummy walls stretching out so perfectly for him. As if he fit right in - and he tells you that. Pants it into your open mouth a little over fifteen times, in fact. 

“Shiiiit, look at you.” he can’t tear his eyes away from the side of your lips stretching so wide to try and milk him. Sloppy entrance stretching out like magic. “S’like you’re made for me, huh? This pussy is made f’me?”

“Ngh- fuck, Toru! S’too big-” you keen, feet flattening on the mattress. As if to escape. To maybe fucking breathe.  

Not even half-way in yet, but aleady torn between pushing away and sinking yourself down on his swollen cock for more more more-

“Don’t you dare run away.” he warns, looking up at you through his long lashes. “I’ve waited too long for this. N’ you’re not taking this pretty pussy away any time soon.” Inch by fucking inch. Grinding in short, sharps jabs - no rhythm of rhyme, like they were genuinely out of control. “Way too f-fuckin’-” All the way until your puffy folds was meeting his hilt. Finally. All the way in. “-long.”

And once Satoru had you split apart on his dick - had those tears rolling down your cheeks, cunt swallowing him so sluttily - it’s like something snaps. 

Because he doesn’t waste a second - he’s already wasted almost two decades, anyway - filling you up with his mean hips. Not fucking easing you into it because you always did bring out that part of him, the part that him looping two strong arms around your waist. Pulling. 

“Oh- f-fuck c’mere.” Satoru gasps, pressing your body so crushingly against his. Kissing your shaky shoulers, your sweaty forehead, the gentleness so contrasting to his hips.“God I’ve missed out- fuck fuck fuck-” 

You’ve never seen the great Gojo Satoru - campus sex symbol - so uncomposed. Eyes half-lidded, just boring into yours, mouth slack in a soft oh! as he drags his cock all over inside your gummy walls. And the sight is so heavenly that you make the mistake the mistake of cracking a minute smile.

Just barely curling your lips before - “Don’t smile at me like that.” He’s dipping down a hand to roll your ravaged clit between two bullying fingers. “Fuck, she’s gonna be the death of me. Right?”

You keen at the- stimulation? The strech? The sheer embarrassment as you realize that Satou’s still talking to your sloppy pussy? Nodding so mockingly up at you as he plows on, “Mhm, she says you needa be ngh- knocked down a god, you’re tight- peg or two. So- get- ready-” 

He’s using this as an excuse to sit up on his knees, dragging you onto his lap so easily like some ragdoll. 

“That’s more like it.”

You’re sliding deeper down his painfully hard cock - all the way till his heavy balls rest beneath your ass, clit rubbing against his pelvis every time he bounces you like some slut.  

Deep. Ruthless.

“Keep your eyes open, sweetheart.” He chuckles, and you’re screwing open your eyes that you don’t even remember shutting. Trying so hard to stop crying out at the feeling of the curve of his dick massaging your walls. “Ya gotta hngh- see the o-only one who’d fuckin’ you properly, right?”

You squeal when he’s taking your clit captive once more. Finger quick, deft. “Y-yes.”

But that wasn’t enough for Satoru - it might as well never be. Because he’s only ramming his hips up further. Like he’s pushing into your stomach, your lungs, all the way into your cockdrunk brain. Fat head alternating between kissing your poor, abused cervix and all those sweet spots he’d mapped out with his tongue.

“Sounded unsure to me.” he’s pouty against your hardened nipples bouncing enticingly in his face. Fingers quirking faster on your clit, “Maybe I should ngh- stop then?”

“No!” Your hips stutter against Satoru’s. Nails clawing down the sculpted panes of his shoulders, leaving red angry marks for him to take as a sign tomorrow morning that no, it wasn’t just one of his dreams this time. “No no no- m’sure. You’re the only one makin’ me feel this way.”

You can feel the way he’s twitching wildly at your words, dick thumping harder inside your sensitive cunt. 

He punctures each word with a heavy, calculated thrust. Hand stretching and squeezing open your cunt from behind to let him slide impossibly deeper. “Hmmm, I’m not convinced.” 

Your stupid mouth is only capable of letting out broken, choked-up little moans of his name, ankles locking around those dimples at the end of his spine. “S’you–”

“Still not convinced.”

But he’s still speeding up his movements, just dragging you up and down his cock. “Who else made you hah- feel this good?” Sure to claim you from the inside out - to leave marks everywhere. Heavy balls on your ass, weeping tip on your cervix, lips bruised as you whimper at his murmured, “That ex of yours?” Biting down your neck, “That barista that always flirts with you?” Pulling away only to breathe into your lips, “Who?”

“ I- fuck it’s only you, Toru.”

“Sound convincing to you?” Satoru hums down at your cunt, biting his lower lip at the way you were milking him so good. Your slick soaking him all the way down to his balls - so needy in a way he never thought he’d see. “Yeah-” be breathes, nosing at your neck. “She agrees- fuck does this tight lil’ pussy of yours agree.” A few tears, a few gorgeous marks down his back, and he was finally convinced. “You’re mine.”

You don’t even realize it when you’re cumming, and Satoru doesn’t either.

Both of you too caught up in each other to recognize that familiar, white-hot pleasure running down your spine - all the way down to where he was so mercilessly buried in your cunt.  

And you’re well into the blood roaring deafeningly in your ears, the sight of Satoru - all wrecked - blurring as he fucks his hips up. Harsh. Eyes rolling to the back of his head as he paints your quivering walls white. 

Cumming and cumming so hard that you can feel his seed dribbling down your thighs, making such a mess all over Satoru’s lap. Your poor, overfilled cunt soon bloated and unable to keep up with it.

“Toru–” you whine, like a prayer. Milking the fucking soul out of him while he gently paws at your messy hair.

“Shhh, I know I know, sweetheart.” Such a stark contrast to the way he was filling you up like his favorite sex toy. Not even bothering to move anymore, one hand on your hip, moving your limp body up and down his sensitive cock to fuck it deeper. The other still playing with your clit, “S’alright, my girl”

Satoru’s hands never leave you, and he prays that now that he got a taste - well, you better be alright with them not leaving you for as long as he lives.

“As long as you live, huh?” you chuckle groggily, a noise so dreamy that Satoru can’t even be mad that he said it out loud. “And all that riling me up these years. Do you have a degradation kink or something?”

“Well, only one way to find out~”

“Oh shut up you-”

SLAM!

“Yooo, I bought dinner from that- WHAT THE FUCK?”

There were only two more lessons to be learned:

Always lock the door. Always. And in case you don’t, a bouquet of lollipops will do the trick to a Suguru reeling from the newest addition to the family. 

Cheap takeout tastes better with an apologetic Suguru, and an ice pack to his cheek - and you to kiss it better.

A/N. Can you tell I kept listening to that one Artemas song while writing this?

Plagiarism not authorized.

[jewishvitya]

A pro-Palestine Jew on tiktok asked those of us who were raised pro-Israel, what got us to change our minds on Palestine. I made a video to answer (with my voice, not my face), and a few people watched it and found some value in it. I'm putting this here too. I communicate through text better than voice.

So I feel repetitive for saying this at this point, but I grew up in the West Bank settlements. I wrote this post to give an example of the extent to which Palestinians are dehumanized there.

Where I live now, I meet Palestinians in day to day life. Israeli Arab citizens living their lives. In the West Bank, it was nothing like that. Over there, I only saw them through the electric fence, and the hostility between us and Palestinians was tangible.

When you're a child being brought into the situation, you don't experience the context, you don't experience the history, you don't know why they're hostile to you. You just feel "these people hate me, they don't want me to exist." And that bubble was my reality. So when I was taught in school that everything we did was in self defense, that our military is special and uniquely ethical because it's the only defensive military in the world - that made sense to me. It slotted neatly into the reality I knew.

One of the first things to burst the bubble for me was when I spoke to an old Israeli man and he was talking about his trauma from battle. I don't remember what he said, but it hit me wrong. It conflicted with the history as I understood it. So I was a bit desperate to make it make sense again, and I said, "But everything we did was in self defense, right?"

He kinda looked at me, couldn't understand at all why I was upset, and he went, "We destroyed whole villages. Of course we did. It was war, that's what you do."

And that casual "of course" stuck with me. I had to look into it more.

I couldn't look at more accurate history, and not at accounts by Palestinians, I was too primed against these sources to trust them. The community I grew up in had an anti-intellectual element to it where scholars weren't trusted about things like this.

So what really solidified this for me, was seeing Palestinian culture.

Because part of the story that Israel tells us to justify everything, is that Palestinians are not a distinct group of people, they're just Arabs. They belong to the nations around us. They insist on being here because they want to deny us a homeland. The Palestinian identity exists to hurt us. This, because the idea of displacing them and taking over their lands doesn't sound like stealing, if this was never theirs and they're only pretending because they want to deprive us.

But then foods, dances, clothing, embroidery, the Palestinian dialect. These things are history. They don't pop into existence just because you hate Jews and they're trying to move here. How gorgeous is the Palestinian thobe? How stunning is tatreez in general? And when I saw specific patterns belonging to different regions of Palestine?

All of these painted for me a rich shared life of a group of people, and countered the narrative that the Palestininian identity was fabricated to hurt us. It taught me that, whatever we call them, whatever they call themselves, they have a history in this land, they have a right to it, they have a connection to it that we can't override with our own.

I started having conversations with leftist friends. Confronting the fact that the borders of the occupied territories are arbitrary and every Israeli city was taken from them. In one of those conversations, I was encouraged to rethink how I imagine peace.

This also goes back to schooling. Because they drilled into us, we're the ones who want peace, they're the ones who keep fighting, they're just so dedicated to death and killing and they won't leave us alone.

In high school, we had a stadium event with a speaker who was telling us about a person who defected from Hamas, converted to Christianity and became a Shin Bet agent. Pretty sure you can read this in the book "Son of Hamas." A lot of my friends read the book, I didn't read it, I only know what I was told in that lecture. I guess they couldn't risk us missing out on the indoctrination if we chose not to read it.

One of the things they told us was how he thought, we've been fighting with them for so long, Israelis must have a culture around the glorification of violence. And he looked for that in music. He looked for songs about war. And for a while he just couldn't find any, but when he did, he translated it more fully, and he found out the song was about an end to wars. And this, according to the story as I was told it, was one of the things that convinced him. If you know know the current trending Israeli "war anthem," you know this flimsy reasoning doesn't work.

Back then, my friend encouraged me to think more critically about how we as Israelis envision peace, as the absence of resistance. And how self-centered it is. They can be suffering under our occupation, but as long as it doesn't reach us, that's called peace. So of course we want it and they don't.

Unless we're willing to work to change the situation entirely, our calls for peace are just "please stop fighting back against the harm we cause you."

In this video, Shlomo Yitzchak shares how he changed his mind. His story is much more interesting than mine, and he's much more eloquent telling it. He mentions how he was taught to fear Palestinians. An automatic thought, "If I go with you, you'll kill me." I was taught this too. I was taught that, if I'm in a taxi, I should be looking at the driver's name. And if that name is Arab, I should watch the road and the route he's taking, to be prepared in case he wants to take me somewhere to kill me. Just a random person trying to work. For years it stayed a habit, I'd automatically look at the driver's name. Even after knowing that I want to align myself with liberation, justice, and equality. It was a process of unlearning.

On October, not long after the current escalation of violence, I had to take a taxi again. A Jewish driver stopped and told me he'll take me, "so an Arab doesn't get you." Israeli Jews are so comfortable saying things like this to each other. My neighbors discussed a Palestinian employee, with one saying "We should tell him not to come anymore, that we want to hire a Jew." The second answered, "No, he'll say it's discrimination," like it would be so ridiculous of him. And the first just shrugged, "So we don't have to tell him why." They didn't go through with it, but they were so casual about this conversation.

In the Torah, we're told to treat those who are foreign to us well, because we know what it's like to be the foreigner. Fighting back against oppression is the natural human thing to do. We know it because we lived it. And as soon as I looked at things from this angle, it wasn't really a choice of what to support.

[gyaruhana]

Hey could you write the frontman smut, I need that man it's not even funny, yk the chair/sofa he always sat on in S1, when watching the game? Imagine cockwarming him there while he's praising us...

Frontman/Hwang In-ho - Cockwarming

Synopsis: Cockwarming your husband as he watches the games

A/N: This is a short little piece but I hope it's good anyway.. Ty for the frontman request bc he spoke to me in season 2..

Warnings: Cockwarming,

To many, the frontman was a reserved man who is not to be crossed. He’s been responsible for the death of many people - whether at his own hands or the hands of the guards that work for him. Not a lot is known about him among the people who work for him other than the fact he has a very pretty wife. You.

It was no secret that he would not tolerate any disrespect towards you. Some have had to learn that lesson the hard way. He’d always make a point of making sure no harm comes to you by warning people of the dire consequences that come with endangering you. It was all out of love for you, of course. He only wanted to keep you safe from the dangers of his deadly work. That’s why he was always nearby. Like right now.

The first game was about to begin and he was relaxed in his chair in the dark room as he watched the screen. You were on his lap making sure to keep still so as not to bother him. Otherwise, he’d likely deliver some sort of punishment. His cock was buried deep inside of you but he paid little attention to how your hole was squeezing his cock. He was too focused on making sure the first game goes according to plan. Everything needed to be in order so the VIP’s could have something entertaining to watch and keep paying for more.

“You’re being so good for me - keeping so still like this,” he spoke as he moved a hand to your hair and began to gently brush his fingers through in a soothing motion. He knew how hard it was for you to stay still when all you wanted was for him to start fucking into your tight hole. However, good things only come to those who wait so he wasn’t going to give you what you wanted just yet. 

His eyes stayed on the screen as he watched people start to drop dead like flies. It never got old to watch the panic on people’s faces when they realised their lives were at stake. He reached over to the table beside him and grabbed his glass that contained whiskey before gently spinning the glass around for a moment. He then took a sip out of the glass before turning his attention to you.

Teasingly, he thrusted up gently to force a reaction out of you. “You really need it, huh? You’re squeezing me so tightly,” he said with a small smirk. He put the glass back down before putting both his hands on your hips. “Just be a good girl and wait a little longer. I know you won’t disappoint me,” he spoke again as he firmly held your hips down to keep you completely still.

He looked back towards the screen and continued to watch the death game. He could hear your shaky breaths in his ear as you became impatient. He found it amusing to see his dear wife be so desperate for his cock to fuck into her with reckless abandon. Well, he’d give you what you wanted soon. As long as you just sat still on his cock like the good wife you are.

“Such a good wife for me, hm?