#if he gains weight and the infection in his mouth doesn't come back the second the antibiotics stop

[msburgundy]

if i knew for sure he was dying it would be fine, i don't mind holding onto him until he's no longer happy and then putting him down. but i'd hate to ignore something potentially treatable and do that

but what other choice do i even have

[holodeck-enthusiast]

All You Have is Printed Circuits

.

(Context: TOS episode - "This Side of Paradise")

As the characteristic of being dangerously confident was in every cell of his body, Kirk was sure he'd succesfully gaslight Spock in order to help him build anger and fight against the alien infection that had already taken over Spock's mind.

"All you have is printed circuits!"

"Captain...I..."

"...you devil-eared freak!.....a planet of traitors.....never had an ounce of integrity...a carcass full of memory banks...."

"Jim.."

...

Kirk feels the selfloath all over his body generating from the very core of his mind. Every words leaving his tongue, backfired at his heart. In front of his eyes, Spock was turning paler each second....the disbelief on his face, his eyes, his beautiful sparkling eyes....Kirk wanted to hold Spock and mind meld with him, speak with him, that none of these mean anything except he just has to invoke a strong emotion and kick the spores out of his system. If it were the other way round, if it were Kirk, it would have taken seconds for Spock to mind meld with the captain and make him aware of the situation.

But all Kirk has got, is that insane hope that Spock WILL understand why he's doing this...Spock will recognise Jim through all these opaque curtains of words that Jim would never, in any universe, think of for real.

...

Spock grabbed Kirk's torso and threw him against the wall. He forced himself back to the moment and kept yelling at Spock.

"You belong in a circus, Spock, not a starship.."

Spock's whole face went green. He was trembling. He closed his eyes and submit to the tsunami of hormones breaking onto him like a cloudburst. He picked up a chair and walked a few steps towards Kirk who was at that moment, still lying on the floor, still looking back at Spock. He wasn't capable of moving his literally bloody mouth.

*Wake up Spock! Wake the fuck up!!!*

Spock wasn't seeing.

Spock wasn't thinking.

Spock wasn't listening anymore.

Spock lifted the chair above his head.

"H-had enough?" Kirk tried to speak out faintly. His chest rising at its best to catch some air for him. Spock put his arms down in a lightning speed and smashed the chair onto James Tiberius Kirk, his captain, his T'hy'la.

...

Spock felt like rising his head above the waves! He doesn't remember much, only some auditory montage of words, pain all over his body...and then it all started coming to him episodically, incidents one after another. Even the Vulcan part of his brain took 4-5 seconds to get a grab of the situation. Then he looked down.

Jim was there. Lying on the floor on his back. his whole body was shaking. His head was turned to one side, with eyes closed...blood sipping from the corner of his mouth. Broken pieces of that chair covered his chest and abdomen forming a messy pile. Spock desperately hunched over him and shook him by grabbing his shoulders.

"Jim!"

Spock didn't waste a second. He dragged Jim somewhat closer to the wall. Jim's shirt from chest to abdomen was blood-soaked..torn in different places. Everything was going too fast for Spock.

"Captain..please.....Jim"

Spock patted on his cheeks. Almost like a slap. He knew Jim's just unconscious for now but he needs immediate medical attention to check for internal injuries.

Spock pulled Jim into his arms from behind and tried to make his torso stay upright.

His eyes were fixed on Jim, whose head was now resting on Spock's chest. On many occasions he had been either sassy or rude about Jim's recent weight again. At this moment almost the half of his body was rested against Spock's and Spock didn't feel a thing. Jim looked so tired, so very still, alarmingly still....and small. Spock felt like he can wait for an eternity with Jim on his lap if that's what it's gonna take before Jim gains consciousness.

Why is it taking so long! Spock was checking his pulses frequently. He needs him to wake up! He needs his help to at least make McCoy come aboard and start the necessary treatments.

For the first time Spock felt somewhat helpless and his human side missed Leonard like hell!

"...Sp.."

Spock turned his heads to Jim in a millisecond!!!

"Spock.."

Jim finally opened his eyes. If one can look closely enough, the relief in Spock's eyes was quite prominent. He slowly, very carefully moved Jim to lie him down on his back on the floor.

"I am sorry Spock. But I had to."...Jim pauses to catch a breath.

"Jim, I understand" he takes Jim's left hand into his. "You deliberately did that and that was a dazzling display of logic, my captain"

"None of those words are real. It can never be. I am so so sohr-ry.......I..can't....breathe Spock!"

Spock realised in a second that Jim was having a panic attack.

"Jim! Look at me!" Spock held him close

"Captain try to focus on your breathing. Follow me as I say.....in...out...in....out..."

Jim tried his best to keep eye contact with Spock. All those years of extreme training, even all the shitty situations he and his crew had faced in recent past....and THIS is the very first time he is having a panic attack. Scared the hell out of him. And it was quite visible on his face.

As the situation got slightly under control...Jim was breathing normally but still shivering, Spock lifted him up again and held him tightly into his arms.

"Those words...Spock..I..."

Apparently he was fixated on those words and was facing an uncontrollable guilt, although it was the only reasonable action at the particular moment....bt it's... it's Spock. And it was just as painful to Jim as it was to Spock.

Spock didn't let Jim finish his sentence. He held Jim's face into his palms and placed a very soft, warm and passionate kiss on his lips.

...

A few moments later, as the symptoms of that panic attack with an aweful sense of timing, faded away, Captain Kirk stood up on his feet, rigged a plan with Spock and they executed it in a very smooth Spirkly way. All the affected crew including McCoy was cured from the effects of the spores. McCoy started treating Kirk at sickbay as soon as he was transported back on the ship. Kirk told him everything later, on listening to which McCoy had the best laugh in his life. Of course Jim had skipped a part about a kiss..very human.