#if god cant answer my prayers im just going to have to ask the father of lies

[hearthtrob]

dear Satan, please let me wake up tomorrow with Aether ghoul from ghost band in my bed, or maybe Swiss, in fact, if you could do all of them that'd be pretty good too.

[bubbledtee]

bub i dont think ill never stop thinking about those james nd his baby girl thoughts :((( couldn't help but think about this from some kind of monster........

WHAT IF I FELL TO MY KNEES AND STARTED CRYING IN THE FROZEN FOOD AISLE</333 the way the two of them would be inseparable and when james nd you are at the store with her hes always picking up those silly little 'daddys girl' onesies with frilly little flowers and hearts on em and he holds them up to her and asks her which one she thinks would look better on her... shes just babbling to him and ur just like !!!!!!!!!cause you just love them so much!!!!!

and when shes older nd you cant make it to her ballet lessons so james shows up and hes just converses with the other moms as if he *is* one..... like.... "oh that one over there is mine... yeah i know she always gets tripped up on her releves but i think she'll be alright" and the other moms are just staring at him in shock about how much he keeps up with his daughters ballet...

uuugghhhh and when your pregnant and the two of you are lying in bed he's just talking to the lil baby inside your tummy and kissing it all over cause he cant wait any longer</33 not to mention the amount of time and money he spends on the nursery... u come back home from running errands and james is just covered in paint talking about how he has a new changing station coming in the mail because he didn't like how the other one he chose looked too uncomfortable for the baby.....

and whenever she gets up at night he always ushers u back to sleep cause he knows ur so worn out after labor (lets not forget the baby blues and post partum depression :(((( )) so he always tells you he's got it handled (and he surprisingly does cause after a few minutes shes already back to sleep!!!!) and ur just sitting in bed wondering how u could score a man so perfect UGH can u tell that im not okay with these thoughts </333 he's literally soooo sweet carolina by lana del rey.....

it’s too early for me to be crying over having a child with this man. he’d be the perfect father to our little girl.

just imagine when you tell him you’re pregnant. that man is breaking down into (happy) tears and falling to his knees to hug your tummy and kiss it. especially if it’s with death magnetic to htsd era james because he’d have been worried he was too old to get you pregnant. but then his prayers would be answered when he came home from the studio one day and you gave him the best surprise he could’ve ever asked for.

and then at your first ultrasound, that man is an absolute mess. reality would be seriously setting in for him and he’s trying so hard not to bawl his damn eyes out. and when you get in the car to go home he’s just got the biggest, sweetest smile on his face and he’ll just start talking about how you should plan on doing the nursery. he’s also just so excited to tell friends and family he can hardly contain himself.

god and during your labor hes so supportive. he’ll sit with you and rub your back during your contractions, telling you how well you’re doing and how proud he is of you and how excited he is to meet your little girl. when you’re crying from how much pain you’re in, he’s kissing your forehead and trying not to cry himself because he hates seeing you in any sort of distress. but it’s all worth it for the both of you when she’s finally out and you’re both admiring how beautiful she is and the love you both have for her is so strong you can’t stop crying.

i need to stop talking abt this i could go on for hours.

[hellogoodbye14]

Okay I dunno if you take fic requests but I would love to read one from you based on this prompt 💕💕💕💕

Azriel complaining to Rhys about Nyx bullying him because he keeps asking for hugs and kisses and its harmful to his broody bat facade and "Cauldron Rhys I can't babysit him, HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY NO TO HIM!!!??" while Rhys laughs and the distressing effects of an adorable child on his spymaster.

I m just a sucker for fluff and fun and Uncle Az 😁😁😁

Ask and you shall receive fam ❤️ (also might have gone overboard with this but oh well!)

“Unci Assshh!”, yelled the adorable toddler from across the training field.

Nyx was walking - well more like stumbling- between Feyre and Rhys who each held onto one of his tiny hands to help him balance his walk.

His tiny wings ruffled with each excited step and Rhys just laughed at Nyx’s clumsiness and determination to get to the spymaster.

Feyre and Rhys let go as they neared Azriel and Nyx threw himself at Azriels right leg. Azriel chuckled and ruffled his nephews head. Nyx as usual tried to crawl up Azriels long leg and managed to get to his thigh this time. Azriel gently grabbed Nyx by the scruff of his shirt behind Nyx’s head, like one holds up a puppy. Nyx squeeled with laughter and reached out to play with the shadows around him.

“Hey little troublemaker”, said Azriel as he carefully moved Nyx to his shoulders. The toddler was now joyfully yanking at Azriels hair.

Feyre winced, “sorry Az, he’s been yanking at everyones hair these days.”

Azriel just smiled and said it was no problem at all.

His highlord then gave him a list. Yes a list. One he always gave if Nyx was left with anyone who had to babysit. He had the list at each of the houses. One specifically addressed to every.single.person. To say Rhys was a motherhen was an understatement.

Feyre just rolled her eyes at her mate and motioned Azriel to bend down so she could give Nyx a peck goodbye.

“Be good for uncle Az”

“Unciiii Asssshhhhh!” , the toddler yelled in excitement.

Rhys smiled at his son, “we’ll be back from winter court in about two hours at most. Thank you for doing it again. Oh also under any circumstances NO sugar for him.”

Azriel nodded as Rhys reached up and ruffled Nyx’s hair who in return waved at his father and said “byeee daaaaa!”

Azriel was about to turn and take Nyx flying when he bumped into Gwyn.

“Oh hey!” , but the valkyrie was already cooing at Nyx who now reached out his hands to be picked up by Gwyn.

“Look at you, you little munchkin!”, she grabbed his tiny fist and pretended to munch on them, “oh i could just eat you up.”

Nyx squeeled with laughter.

“Umm.. I’m still here you know.”

Gwyn looked up at a frowning Azriel.

“You get my attention at training everyday, this one is too adorable to ignore.”

Azriel shook his head and rolled his eyes. His shadows as always were reaching out to Gwyn, and Nyx was taking full advantage of it and playing with them.

“Guys!”

Emerie came running out, “we need to go to Illyria for a bit, Nesta says they need help with the commanders meeting.”

Azriel frowned, “Cassian needs me to look over the trainees while he deals with the commanders?”

“Yeap”

“I have Nyx. I can’t train them.”

“He said you only have to stay and overlook it. Give some pointers, not engage them in any training yourself. He’s swamped.”

Azriel reached out to Rhys and Rhys offered his approval to take Nyx with.

Gwyn frowned down at the toddler,

“Will it be safe for him to be there?”

“Feyre says Rhys has a shield around Nyx which equates to the shield around Velaris. Besides he’s with us, it’ll be fine.”

“What did Rhys say?”, asked a surprised Emerie.

Azriel smiled, “He wanted to come back and take Nyx but Feyre told him to shut up and stop being so over dramatic.”

Emerie laughed, “sounds like Feyre. Okay lets go.”

Luckily, the weather at Illyria was on the mild side today, Azriel regardless made sure Nyz was covered and warm. The toddler was taken with Gwyn, not that Azriel could blame him. Any time Gwyn tried to leave the ring, the toddlers face would scrunch up, alerting everyone that he will wail like hell if Gwyn leaves.

Azriel had Nyx buckled and wrapped against his torso, and the toddler squeeled, clapped, and offered “wooaows” at the training illyrians. The illyrians were surprised to see the high lords son but still offered smiles at the toddler, they however turned their gaze away from Azriels stare in fear. Well that was until, Nyx called out and demanded attention, “unciii asshh, kiss”.

The blades the illyrians used faltered at that and gwyn straight up laughed at Azriels red cheeks. He nonetheless couldn’t refuse the adorable violet eyes looking up at him and gave Nyx a peck on the cheek.

The request was repeated another two times, until Nyx started getting fussy. It had been over an hour and Azriel had settled Nyx down on the mat and gave him some snacks. Healthy Rhysand approved snacks. But no. The toddler wanted candy.

“Buddy I have no candy, and your dad said no”

“Unci Ashh pleeease?”

Azriel sighed and looked up at the heavens. He could never refuse this child anything. Lord help him. Where the heck would he find candy in illyria? Gwyn ruffled in her pockets and got out five different candies.

Azriel lifted an eyebrow, “really?”

Gwyn just shrugged, “what.. I get hungry after training.”

“Well aren’t you the answer to all my prayers”

Gwyn blushed at that.

Another hour passed and Nyx was fussy again, Az sat down at the bench and tried to rock Nyx to sleep but the toddler was not having it. He turned around to make sure all the trainees were far away taking their break and looked down at Nyx. He then begun singing light notes of a song Nyx always loved. As he sang, his shadows gently caressed Nyx and soon his nephew was asleep in his arms.

Azriel carefully without jolting Nyx stood up and turned towards the ring. A ring packed with trainees who were gawking at him as if he was an alien. Well they obviously heard their stern spymaster sing a lullaby. Gwyn had returned from Emeries shop with Emerie as well and looked at him funny.

“What?”

She shook her head, “nothing. You have a beautiful voice Azriel.”

Azriel nodded his thanks and felt his cheeks burn.

“I’m taking him to the cottage, are you coming with?”

“Emerie is meeting Mor here in a bit. She’ll winnow us back.” Azriel nodded at the pair and turned to take Nyx inside the cottage. As soon as he got in, Rhys and Feyre had winnowed in.

“Is he okay? Didn’t trouble you too much?”, asked Feyre as she carefully took a sleeping Nyx into her arms.

“He’s fine and he was great.”

Feyre nodded and moved towards the kitchen to warm up some milk. Rhys gave a gentle kiss on Nyx’s head before she left the room.

“Why is there a chocolate stain on my sons mouth?”, said Rhys throwing an accusing look his way.

“Rhys, I can’t say no to him okay?! Its fucking impossible! He looks up at you with his puppy dog eyes and says please and I CANT SAY NO.”

Rhys just laughed.

“No I’m serious! And he is taking my rep to shit okay, I have a reputation to uphold. Everyone was scared of me, NOW THEY LOOK AT ME LIKE IM A CUTE LITTLE BEAR WHO SINGS LULLABIES!”

At this point Rhys was doubled over, holding his hand against his stomach. “Stop! lord this is too good. My high, mighty and terrifying spymaster brought down to a little bunny you said? By a toddler.”

Azriel sniffed, crossed his arms across his chest and rolled his eyes, “I said bear not bunny.”

Azriel could hear Feyre’s laughter from the kitchen as well, “not funny!”

“Oh my gods, its hilarious! I cant even right now”, she called out from the kitchen.

[ultradiplr]

Devotion

A Priest!Sigma/Reader fic.

Plot: You’re showing the good father your devotion.

Tags: BJ. Priest Kink. Church Sex. Reader is gender neutral.

A/N: Yeah, I have no excuse for this other than im nasty. I actually already had this written up like months ago for an unnamed character so I just slapped Sigma on it to tide me over. Enjoy, and also I’m sorry, but I'm also not. :)

Xx

“Tell me, what do you seek here, child?”

Father Kuiper’s voice, ever steady in its deep monotone that warmed your skin and chilled your bones, asks above you as you kneel in prayer in front of him. Although you don’t have the guts to look at him you can imagine him, tall, broad, larger than life, dressed in his beautiful black cassock standing with his back toward the crucifixion hanging over him.

“Forgiveness.” 

You repeat like you’ve always had during his sermons, except this is not one of his sermons. There is no congregation to drown out your one measly voice, instead you are alone with him in the church and your one voice booms it’s rehearsed answer.

“Is that all, my child?” 

He sounds unimpressed, uninterested even and wants something more, deeper. You gulp at  feeling his intense stare on you as he prowls around you. You know he is walking with a rod straight back, long graceful strides hidden by a long cassock, he is careful in his steps, calm, collected and in no rush. He would have his long arms held firmly at his back, hands clasped as he observes your with an ever calm face always on the precipice of a smile. you watched him for so long you know his every move, his every expression, the timing in his strides and the evenness of his breaths. And yet you are terrified to be so close to him, terrified to disappoint him.

“Acceptance.”

You try not to stutter and speak clearly, eyes glued firmly down at your entwined hands in front of your and the cold, hard floor. He stops behind you and you can faintly feel the heat from his legs at your back. your breathing quickened ever so slightly as you waited for him to answer, head already swimming from the thought of him standing so close.

“And what kind of people does God accept?”

He says in a soft tone, kind and caring but never less deep and haunting to you/ You jump a little when a warm hand gently appears on the top of your head but you quickly lean into its heat. 

“The devoted.” 

You say with a sigh, eyes fluttering shut as he begins to pet your head softly, fingers pulling slightly at the strands of your hair. You lean into his touch and your back hits his legs. Slowly he tilts your head up to face him and his fingers frame your face. your eyes open to look at him for the first time. He is looking down at you, an expression you have only ever caught from afar, hungry and angry. You felt your skin burn again but your body became ice, terrified and excited at the same time.

“And are you, my child?” 

His question is pointed and his calm voice is tipped with unusual severity, the unfamiliar change makes your stomach churn, like your gut was telling your something bad was going to happen. Yet you  didn’t want to leave, didn’t want his warm hands to leave your face or sturdy presence to disappear.

“Always, Father.”

You speak in an intake of breath and holds it there, staring up at him and waiting. You were truthful, you ’ll always be devoted to the words of the Lord and in turn you’ll always be devoted to him. He was your Shepard, your leader, you ’ll always follow him, listen to him, be loyal to him.

“Show me.”

He says deeply, softly and calm but it sent a shiver down your spine with the implication. You let out your breath as he stroked your cheek with his thumb which you leaned into before kissing his palm, staring at him to gauge if you were correct. He sighed softly at that and you felt warmth spread through you with happiness.

You turned your body to face him still kneeling, watching his stone cold face, slightly hungry, slightly surprised, watch you in turn. His hands returned to your face, one stroking your head while the other cupped your cheek. His thumb traced your lips carefully, and without thinking, you opened your mouth slightly to take his finger. His breath hitched and you  felt another wave of happiness that ended in your core. You sucked his finger in a way that made you blush harder, knowing what he was thinking, knowing what he wanted. Your heart was soaring, aroused at knowing that your dear priest wanted you so carnally. You know the way he looked at you during church, the way he sounded when you came to him for confessions, the way he watched as he gave you communion every Sunday.

He pulled his finger from your lips with a soft pop, his tongue slipping out of his own mouth to wet his dry lips, his eyes lidded with lust. His thumb grazed your lips again, smearing the little saliva on it on them.

“What do you want, child?”

He asks strained. Its permission he wants and are a little saddened he does not already know the answer. He always had your heart and soul in his care, and will always have. You tilt your face and kiss his palm again with a smile, looking up at him with loving eyes.

“You, Father.”

He huffed at your answer in a sort of laugh of disbelief. He uncups your face and brings it to his crotch, parting the cassock to reveal his black pants underneath and begins to fumble with his belt one handed, intent on keeping one hand on your head, perhaps needing to hold on to you to make sure this was real.

Seeing an opportunity of praise, you glide your hands up his legs to sit on his thighs. He looks at you, blushing even more as he moves his hand to let you do it yourself, both hands now on your head, moving excess hair out of your face.

You blush deeper as you feel his growing erection under the thick fabric of his pants and cant help but bite your lip when he finally gets free. Long but slim and sitting in a pool of salt and pepper pubes. You couldn’t help but see the resemblance of him in it, as silly as it was. You were confident in saying his was above average and a lot nicer than it could be for someone his age. You held it gently in one hand, gauging the shafts weight while the other gently massaged his balls eliciting a first true moan from him.

You looked up at him and smiled as he watched you with a piercing stare, 

“Show me your devotion, child.”

It was a breathless and strained demand, like he was trying to keep his composure still, and you  happily obeyed, spitting in your hand and beginning to stroke him. He wasn’t thick and you  could wrap your hand around him but he was long and you  wondered if you ’d be able to swallow him, sure he’d hit the furthest reaches of your throat. For now you  just focused on preparing him and stroking him, licking occasionally and responding to what you gauged he liked by the way he gripped your head or huffed a groan. 

Slowly you  began to suck on him, just the tip at first as you  let him adjust to the feeling, before slowly taking more and more of him in every other bob. Before long you  had worked down to maybe and inch from his base, tears spilling from your eyes from the strain and lips puffy from the constant rubbing. 

He was no longer looking at you with his head thrown back in bliss but still audible in his praising groans and sighs. You knows he's close from the tightness of his balls and shaft, the quickness of his breathing and the uncontrolled thrusting of his hips. You yourself are lost in lust looking up at him, his tall frame towering over you in holy black, backed by the high ceiling of the cathedral and their intricate paintings and carvings hidden by the night. He was worth every bit of worship as the things that surrounded him to you.

He hunched over suddenly and stilled, staring down at your again, breathing heavily and looking mad with his dishevel. He gripped your head tightly as his periwinkle eyes darkened to almost purple locked with your tear filled ones intensely.

“Swallow.”

It was a harsh, strained, and very uncharacteristic command as he pushed you the last inch to his base and came violently down your throat, scrunching his face up and bowing himself over you. You  swallowed, not like you had any other option, and felt the warm, thick liquid dribble down your throat in a trail. When he pulled out a string of saliva followed and he looked utterly destroyed. 

As he was lost in the afterglow, you smiled and placed kisses all along his shaft, lost in the moment for your love for him, for your need to praise him and show him your care. The gentleness brought his attention back to your and he watched, humming pleased in seeing your devotion for him in your eyes.

“All of that for me?” 

He asks as he pets your face, relaxed and amused, giving you true, blissed out smile. He laughs at your eager nodding and bends down low enough to place a kiss on the top of your head. He puts himself away and helps your stand, wrapping an arm around your and kissing your head again.

“I think you have earned a special reward for your devotion.”

He says as he leads you toward the back of the church. The night was still young, and the good father was never one to leave a person of his congregation unsatisfied.

[anxiousauthor89]

Accept What God Allows

The entire waiting room got silent. All of a sudden everyone stopped minding their own business and all the attention was on Trinity and the people she was with. Peanut began to cry loudly, as if she understood the bad news that had just been delivered. Breathing heavy, and breaking out into a sweat Trinity felt a panic attack coming on. She looked at her daughter as she cried harder and began to kick and slowly swing her fists. Flash backs of sex scenes, long nights in the trap, phone calls from unknown numbers, and Shawn's eyes ran through her head in slideshow fashion at a rapid speed. As Trinity began to hyperventilate and shake her eyes rolled to the back of her head and her vision went black. “ELI CATCH THE BABY!” Judith screamed. “TRINITY YOU OK? HEY!! WHAT THE HELL TRINITY?!” Azury grabbed her arm with one hand and used the other hand to brace the middle of Trinitys back. Her vision went black, and she felt like she would vomit. Everything was spinning. She felt her father pulling the baby from her so she let go. And she felt the medal from the chair so she knew she was sitting at this point. She had no idea what was happening but she knew she would nvever drop her child so she attempted to shake off the panic attack. Her mother asked for ice water and demanded Trinity to drink some once she got it. The water was so cold it snapped her back right away. She sipped and took a few deep breaths and realized Azury was still holding her hand. Speechless she stared at the floor. Trying to register what her mind was telling her. Opening her mouth to speak but no sound was coming out. She looked over at her father who had calmed the crying baby, and observed her mother who stood in front of her waiting for a sign that she was okay. “ HIV.” Trinity whispered. Azury looked down in shame. “Yea sis. HIV. I got it. And...you probably do too. And aint no telling how many other people have it. Shawn is nasty. He really got around.” Recalling the way her and Alexander met Trinity reassured Azury “oh you have no idea how much he got around.” Noticing everyone was still looking at them Judith motioned them to leave. “We need to go. Before these folk make me lose my religion. Just steady staring. Just rude.” Judith fussed out loud. Elijah and Trinity both knew when Judith got like that it was time to go. “Yea we still have to find a name for Peanut and go to the birth certificate office we should go.” Elijah agreed. Still trembling a little Trinity stood up holding Azury’s hand and they all headed toward the door. “Im gonna take my car and follow yall.” Azury said before letting go of Trinity. “Wait! Hey Trinity! Come here!” They all turned around to see Grace running in her six inch heels waving them down. “I gotta go Grace I gotta name my baby and get her home she getting cranky.” Trinity told her. “Please come back to the 4th floor. You weren't supposed to be discharged yet. The doctor found something in your charts, maybe something in your blood, I’m not sure, but you cant leave until he talks to you.” Grace looked concerned but didn't go in to detail. Feeling like she already knew what was goin on, Trinity let go of her mothers hand and walked with Grace. “We coming too babygirl.” Elijah said. “No daddy you not. Sit down. Feed my baby. And think of her name. I will be back.” Respecting the brave heart his daughter displayed Elijah found a seat and sat down. Judith and Azury followed suite as they watched Trinity walk down the hall and make a right turn into the elevator that led to the 4th floor. As if Grace knew what was going on she took a deep breath as they rode up. The door of the elevator slid open and Trinity followed Grace into the waiting room where the doctor was already there. Standing beside the doctor was a nurse who held packets of paper in her hand. Asking for the packets from the nurse the doctor gave Trinity a blank stare. “ Ms. Steeples. My my you are hard to track down. Been lookin for ya. Take a seat. I need to go over a few things with you.” Without saying a word Trinity sat down beside the doctor. “Ok I don’t like to beat around the bush so here's the deal. You have swollen lymph nodes. As well as a swollen pelvic area. These symptoms are not from delivery. Have you been with a partner that's not safe in sexual activity?” The doctor inquired. Clearing her throat before speaking Trinity sat up straight. “No sir not in a long time.” The doctor gave an insensitive chuckle. “Well.. somebody skipped the talk about birds and the bees because you should know it can take a while for things to show up so the time frame doesn’t matter. If you have ever been with a person that is not clean or safe, the answer is yes Ms. Steeples.” Fighting tears Trinity cleared her throat again. “Yes. Yes I have.” Nodding his head the doctor also pointed to her arm. “And this rash...wrong lotion? Or not enough lotion?” Rubbing her arm in the spot she never noticed until now tears ran down her face. “I don’t know sir, I never saw that before you just pointed it out.”  Flipping through the papers the doctor gave a quick head nod. “Ok so you have no clue what's going on with you. I can tell. I'm going to get the priest. You may need him.” Everyone knows the priest only comes when death is near. Trinity saw a flash of her baby’s face and began to sob. “I gotta be here for my baby I know I wasn't ready at first but I'm ready now and I don't want anyone to raise her but me!” She expressed loudly. Seeing the distress she was in the doctor softened up a bit. “We have cases like this all the time. It can and will be okay. But you have to make better choices with your life. Im going to get the priest and we will give you the diagnosis. He is only coming to pray with you if you feel like you need it.” Patting her shoulder he got up and walked away leaving her there alone. Grace was gone. The nurse was gone. It was just her. And she knew God was there. But she was alone. She closed her eyes and buried her face in her shirt. She smelled just like her baby, whom she so desperately needed to be around for. Assuming she knew what the diagnosis would be she began to pray silently. A calm feeling took over her. Goosebumps covered her body, and as she took a moment to remember God had never failed her she was ready to hear what her body was going through. She was still deep in prayer when she heard an elderly male voice call her name. “Trinity. Pick your head up. If you know God like I know God, there's no reason to hold it down.” The old man with green eyes gave her a slight smile. Getting her emotions together she scooted to the edge of her chair as the doctor sat back down and the priest stood up. “You’re right.... She replied wiping her tears with her sleeve. “I'm not sure...well..I think I may know what's going on...but I'm ready to hear it.” She spoke with a new boldness her prayer had just given her. “Ok Ms. Steeples. I told you I don't beat around the bush. So are you ready?” The doctor gave a side eye. Her heart pounding, and mind racing she shook her head yes. “Yes. Yes I am.” she firmly stated. She shot a small smile back at the priest. “I am ready to accept what God allows.” 

[ayatanskywalker4u]

NO ONE CAN BLAME YOU FOR WALKING AWAY

Does the story end when we go? Does love die if the pages stop turning? I hope so because Im in pain. How do u tell someone "you cheated 1st"? I slept with two women and the other I still love. I read her tumblr page when she wasnt looking, its not like i was the greatest guy. She said stuff like i said mean things. I know i did. Like a kid throwing a tantrum because i dreamed of a future. You know, having kids a house, maybe a dog. If i didnt love her why risk going to jail to save her life? Her father threatened to call the cops on me when i banged on the door yelling and crying shouting "SHES DYING" it was raining that night like some movie and me running through it. We were always there for eachother whether it was a prayer or a hand. I asked her to marry me and she said yes, that was somewhere in the middle.

Theres a lot that happened, some NSFW stuff that happened to her. I could see it breaking her. And when we finally met again she was laughing about some of the graphic content. She told me the old her was dead, like she was just looking past me. Like the night she was dying from an overdose. She didnt see the man that loves her. She only saw what she wanted to see.

When the ambulance took her away i met her the next day in the hospital ward. I will always remember this because as i turned away from her hand i felt her standing there almost begging me not to leave. I had to go, i joined the military.

What went through my mind during that moment was does she love me, then why didnt she call me before the pills? And she's slept with other men to boot. But i was always there even if it made me mad.

There was this other girl, Ebony. She was pretty but so was Ashley. I wanted to try getting back at her for running around. And no i didnt go to bed with Ebony after Ashley's incident. Not right after. I still shouldnt have. "He who touches a women divored commiteth adultery." The same goes for man. I sinned against my very heart which was Ashley and now she hates me.

Im not the type to go get a new dog when we have to put down o'l yeller. When my dog Ginger died i never replaced her. Can you replace a son or a daughter, a father or mother? Can you replace the person you almost lost your life for? I guess the question is should you though. I hate sounding like im giving up on what i believe in. I love ginger and i believe in a better place.

I stayed gone to military training until 2010. Ashley called in the beginning to see if i was alright. I was still mad at her. Was she sleeping with others even though i wasnt around even Ebony? Lol no but ebony was sleeping against me and Ashley even stalked her to find out for me. I thought she was manipulating my emotions. That was the beginning of our downfall. I called her, Ashley, right around my graduation. I was outside of a hotel the privates threw a party at. I missed her and decided to go outside and call her. She was with some other man sadly. Probably doing some NSFW with him as my heart breaks. She laughed at me over the phone, like hey Ash come on its OB. Im still here. I graduated but the woman i love left me.

After the military i called her every now and again. She wouldnt pick up most of the time. I joined the conservation corps and just decided to wait until she asked me to come over. My heart was racing when she asked to talk, funny enough i believe i quit there right beforehand.

We talked about a lot of stuff. Mainly she talked about the guy and the NSFW stuff. All while looking off in the distance just smiling and giggling about how he made her scream and broke the cheap Walmart bed. I was getting upset. Holding my tongue. But when she told me her father touched her, thats when i cracked. I laughed at her pain because it seemed like she was ignoring mine. I missed her forever and a day and she was just, idk she was something, a happy i wouldnt call happy. I spent the night i think, even tried to pull a night with her but its like she just hated me. The last time i recalled ever seeing her was the hospital. She must have held the hospital and ebony against me.

Fast forward to the next day she drops me off at my house. As i stare at her wondering whats going on in her head, probably the dudes equipment, she reaches out and tries to hug me. I pushed her hands away, like she just wanted me to feel like everything was going to be alright. She only wanted to chase tail. Like all those moments over the years we were together didnt matter. I know she was talkin to someone else, i felt like i couldnt "satisfy" her anymore in a way. She definitely didnt like my moves the night before. I watched her get back in the car and drive off.

Some years passed and we lost the house. I overdosed on i think excedrin. That was the night she wouldnt pick up her phone. Funny enough that bottle wasnt enough to finish the job. The cycle of wanting to die when you lose a love like a dog, pig, cow, man women, whatever its hard to kill unless you have hope.

I gathered my senses and decided to leave california for Minnesota. The week prior was bad though. I started hallucinating and i heard voices. I started developing schizophrenia, and destroyed my mothers house due to it. Back to the following week im leaving for Minnesota and Tony tells me he has a gun he wants to sell. I figure i'd buy it when i get paid. You guessed it, im looking to make the job quick. Ashley didnt love me anymore. She wont miss me anyways. I Know how to pull an M9 apart blind folded and put it back together within seconds. I know the central nervous system is what you aim for. Its in the back of the skull at the nape of the neck. You'd leave this world in seconds. I know it sounds grim but come on, its better than commiting adultery against my heart. Who wants to live and suffer at the same time?

Tony saw me brandishing the piece and hid it from me i was crying about what i had done to everyone.

Tony ended up ditching me in Minnesota, luckily it wasnt my first time eating out of a trash can. Home is where you make it. Some people at the shelter became my friends and we played guitars together. But i wasnt as good with the guitar as i am now.

Salvation army was my first job in Minnesota, i was just happy again. I grew my hair out and styled it down, not like Prince and less greasy. After work id go get a drink. I worked that job for about two months i know because my birthday had passed and i believe i turned 25.

2015 came down and i still was asking god what now. I was skinny and handsome playing the guitar with a job. There were women who'd look and stare and some thought i was full of myself. The truth is i just wanted to be able to hold ashley if she ever fell in my arms. I was kinda muscly. I always told myself that one day her legs will fail but id be ready, the muscles werent just for show.

I hit on a few women but i never chased. Id go to the library every now and again to read. And then it hit me, even though i had no cell phone i could use the computers, Ashley was the 1st thing on my mind. I called, i dont think she answered but messaged back. She sounded angry. She was pregnant is what she was. Little did i know. All said and done she left me feeling more empty than i had planned. I started getting angry at God, "if you control everything and move everything, why are you moving me toward Ashley? She doesnt even see the love anymore or remember the sacrifices."

The train to the mall was coming by soon. I went to the liquor store with a plan. Buy as much fireball whiskey as i can consume and jump off of the mall of america. The train was sluggish, probably because i had been drinking. I fell into a doze just before the last stop, "The Mall of America". I woke up and walked slowly, tipsy, toward the elevators to the 6th floor. I heard a voices as i walked to the ledge. I turned around to see if anyone was watching me, my back against the guard rail. I climbed on top and looked down, liquor really did help. I turned my head up and told God "you want my life? You can have it". I let go of my hands back toward the earth and fell asleep.

When i woke up it was about 2 weeks later. My vision was blurry but i made out my mom crying on my chest. I slowly reached and touched her scalp. She didnt know i woke up. Short lived, i went back to sleep. Not just my mom was there but my sister too. They drove from California. How did they find me with no ID?

I stayed in that hospital for 3 months, due to my injuries and placed in the psych ward. My family visited me every few months. All that was going through my head is 'I'm alive" it took me a while to figure out how to use my legs being one has nerve damage now. But i started walking before my bones could fully fuse. The nurses told me to stop.

After i gained disability and got placed in housing, i bought a game to occupy my time. No more work outs, no more running, just me trying to forget the reasons i gave up on life. A couple months to about a year later my mother asks if i want to leave the housing and save the disability money. I said yes to that. I didnt know they'd take me back to california on my birthday. It was a nostalgic drive.

I picked up a walking routine and decided talking to ashley was always going to end with her thinking about my faults. I stopped calling her for probably 4-5 years no messages, nothing.

One day my mom asks if i want to go for a ride and talk. We drove until we reached the on ramp she passes me her phone with a picture of Ashley holding a baby. It was Zipporah. What should i have felt? If ashley is dead why did ashley hold onto the dream? And share it with someone who just left her holding the bag. I couldnt believe it after how hard we tried to bring her into this world.

But i cant chase Ashley anymore, i cant even run, literally.

I didnt know if she was married or not to the dude all i know is his ass wasnt in any pictures with the baby. Ive done some searchin around, he was some dead beat who'd prey on women revealing there weak sides on the internet instead of reality. Yeah I never liked virtual dating. That or the websites. Why do for me what i can do myself?

Even after zipporah was in my view i was a happy mad. Happy that Ashley finally got her family minus the father. But mad at the whoremonger man who just left her. I was a little sore with Ashley for hiding it.

Its been a a year and a couple months after the pictures were seen. I started forcing the thought of Ashley out. I wanted her to disappear, me or her, but mainly me. She wants to chase body parts thats on her. But Im broken now. I still love her and sure some might say less than before but i say im just skeptical now. Besides what good is seeing me broken going to do for her? Idk if she'd just laugh at me again. I kinda wish she would, so i can take these feelings and curse the day she ever earned my love.

Whats the point in arguing though. We were so happy until people stepped in and sabotaged our emotions. You hate me for cheating, laughing at what happened between the father and you and walking away. When i should have stayed. I forgave all the crap in the past. But im almost done.

The doctors told me i dont have much time left after my jumping act. I messed up my innards pretty good. The alcohol relaxed the impact though. I dont want to tell my mother, she'd flip over what im talking about. I think i can close the book on this life well too.

Even though i didnt get to help raise the dreams we shared i learned you still held onto dead things just to keep the dream alive. Ashley is alive in there somewhere, only ashley would name that baby zipporah.

I can leave happy.

[theluckyjourney]

Kulani

It was ASEAN week and that meant no work for me. I savored those free days and spent most of the time resting and in bed. However, I kept tossing and turning as I really can't find a good position for sleep. Slowly, I developed pain in my neck which went away when I would put Moringa or Salonpas on those sore spots. But my neck on both sides, just under my ears still felt sore after the week was almost up. I thought a long shower would help but didn't. The pain kept nagging me even as I attended Joana and Genesis' wedding (Nov. 17), up to reception time. It was worse the next day as I lectured for my law class in Succession. After class, I decided to go to Nanay Inday to have my neck massaged and she said I had kulani (swelling lymph nodes) in both sides of my neck. She gave oregano leaves to place on my neck and advised me to sleep.

Brian and I went home and immediately tried to rest with no avail. As soon as I put my head on the pillow, whatever position, it hurt so badly. Brian got so tired of me complaining. It was then that I decided to text my doctor, Dra. Yarcia, 'Hi dra! Im experiencing neck pain and swelling (both sides po). Parang kulani. Cant sleep well. Kaya sumasakit din ulo, likod ko at joints. What can i do po?' She replied back and asked for my blood pressure and if I have fever. I said I had no fever and I don't know my BP. She told me to take Paracetamol. I told Brian to buy me Paracetamol and somehow find a way to have my BP checked. He was still annoyed at me somehow, as he himself was not feeling well too...and he had to take care of me still. He also questioned the need for meds, as he feels that it may affect the baby. I was so disappointed at him, all I can do was cry. I took care of him while he was not feeling well and expected that he would do the same for me. I was in pain and yes, I was complaining a lot...I was short-tempered and bratty. Brian just lost his temper and hated it whenever I cry, so he left. Knowing he was just blowing off some steam - I stayed in bed still uncomfortable as ever from neck to my belly - just crying myself into a stupor. Brian came back later with the meds and bbq burger from Burger Machine which he knows I like and some Yakult, as a way of an apology. The pain alleviated somehow and by some miracle, was able to go to sleep. Brian had to leave again to attend worship service and perform his church duties. He came back around 10pm and found me somehow looking a lot better. We both thought the worse was over. I thought so myself and was relieved that I won't be missing the worship service and my choir duties early the next day. At that point, I was wearing socks and layers of clothes under a thick blanket. As Brian got ready for bed, I told him to turn both the aircon and electric fan on and one by one shed my socks, some of my clothes and my blanket off. I was feeling a bit sticky and sweaty with all the layers of clothes I was wearing. Feeling a lot cooler, I fell asleep again.

And then, I felt a chill along my spine, coldness creeping from the soles of my feet and then to my back and all over. I cried out to Brian, who woke up immediately and found me having a fever and at the same time having the chills. He turned off the fan and aircon, and put back my socks, clothes and blanket on, while scolding me for removing them. For me, it was a terrifying feeling as I felt the chills over and over, and I was crying. I remembered how I was in a fetal position, years ago, naked on an operating table and an anaesthesia needle being injected onto my spine...and yes the chilling effect thereafter. I was reliving that moment over and over and the chills still did not stop. Brian lied on the bed facing my back side, trying his hardest to warm me up, but to no avail. He asked me what I wanted him to do and I said repeatedly to him, 'ampo, ampo, ampo' (Cebuano for pray). In our curled position, he started to pray (in Ilonggo) to our Amay, long and hard, both us crying, terrified for me and our baby in my belly.

The chills eventually subsided, but I was still hot as ever. Brian told me he was admitting me to the hospital, but I refused. I was adamant, going to the hospital meant I won't be able to attend the worship service and serve in the choir. He said I was not fit to be in the choir that day but I persuaded him, saying that I just need to rest again, there was still time for my fever to break and I'll feel better just in time for worship service. Brian had to leave me again. He had no choice, he had a cater order that day and had to go to the market. So he left again, promised to be back soon. While he was away, I tried to go back to sleep but was unable to, my head felt like it was splitting open and I was very hot. Trying to think of something else, I concentrated on Lucky. For hours, I was thinking about myself and forgot about my baby. I talked to him/her, asking how he/she was feeling. I told Lucky I was so sorry, despite getting the flu vaccine shot early on my pregnancy, I didn't take care of myself well enough to avoid getting sick. I concentrated on feeling my baby kick or move. I even intentionally rolled onto my stomach, but I can't feel my baby. Then I remembered what my doctor said about fetal movements, about getting sick while pregnant...and I started to worry because Lucky was not reacting. When Brian came back, I told him I can't feel the baby moving. He assured me that Bitok was still sleeping, but I was still uneasy. It was then that I decided to go to the hospital. We texted Dr. Yarcia about the fever and the chills. She replied and said CBC and urinalysis is needed. She also advised for my hospital admission. So, to New Era Hospital we went.

While at the emergency room, I told the ER doctor that I can't feel my baby. So the nurse tried to hear the baby's heartbeat but can't seem to find it. The ER doctor tried herself, but to no avail. I started to cry again, I feared the worst. But Brian tried to comfort me saying not to worry, he felt that those two personnel didn't know how to use the fetal doppler. We heard a heartbeat but I felt it was not Lucky's. True enough, what we heard was my heartbeat and not of the baby's. They took blood and urine sample, and soon enough was admitted to a private room. Brian texted my Mommy and Kuya. He needed someone to be with me while he attended to our catering business. I told him I need Jeaña, my sister-in-law, Kuya's wife who is a nurse. Hour after hour, a nurse would come in and try to check on the baby's heartbeat but still we can't hear any. I would point at the area Dr. Yarcia would usually position the doppler, but still no heartbeat can be heard. Jeaña and Kuya was there during one of those check, I just cried silently worried, Jeaña consoling me. I prayed again and asked God to forgive me my sins and misgivings. I said that there is really nothing I can do on my own, without His help and mercy. I have full faith that Lucky is His gift to us couple, an answered prayer and I pleaded Him not to forsake me at my time of need and not to punish me because I have sinned. I asked Jesus Christ to mediate and bring to the Father my fervent prayer, just as he did when we asked him to mediate and plea to God to finally bless us our baby. After I prayed, I felt thirsty and hungry. I asked Jeaña to give me some Skyflakes and Yakult. Just moments later, I felt Lucky kick. I remembered where and pointed to the nurse to check for heartbeat there. And there it was - a heartbeat - strong and steady. Another answered prayer.

Results of my CBC showed that I had an infection and needed to be administered with antibiotic thru IV. I still had fever and neck sores, and developed severe headache, colds and cough. I also complained of back pain but was alleviated when they changed the bed foam to a softer one and Brian was able to bring me another pillow from home. In the hospital, I was placed on round the clock check for fever, fetal heartbeat, CBC, and blood sugar. Round the clock, I was given antibiotics, pain reliever, insulin shots and nebulizer medication. I stayed in the hospital for 6 days, longer than I expected, bored to tears - I was not used to staying still and doing nothing. The TV had no cable, I was able to watch all INCTV and NET25 programs, but most of them were replayed. I had no choice but watch Eat Bulaga, Ika-Anim na Utos, Haplos, Wowowin, 24oras up to State of the Nation. The signal was intermittent, so Facebook was out of the question. Even texting I was not able to do. Ate Ping2x, my sister-in-law, Brian's older sister and business partner, stayed with me most of my hospital stay, which was quite a loss and sacrifice for my husband who really needed Ate Ping2x for our business, especially (and unfortunately) for that week was a busy week as they have cater services, party tray orders to attend on top of managing 2 of our store fronts. My poor husband was exhausted that week, clearly lacking sleep and rest. Though I looked forward to his visits when it was his turn to attend to me, while Ate Ping2x performs her duties in the choir, I would usually just give up my bed and have him sleep. He told me that though he tried to sleep at home, sleep evades him because I was not there beside him while he sleeps. It was a good thing that Janerie would come visit every night while I was there, we would talk, she'd give me massages, and for a while I would forget I was bored. I stayed in the hospital longer than I expected, and when I felt much better to take a bath, in preparation for my discharge, my doctors would come visit and say no, not today, maybe tomorrow.

There were things however that I looked forward to while I was in the hospital. First, when the nurse would come with the fetal doppler and I got to hear Lucky's heartbeat, knowing he/she is OK. Second, at 9am, deaconesses and ministers would go to each hospital room to perform the anointing of the oil for the sick. Third, worship services held at the hospital where I get to still sing hymns of praises even while I was sick. Fourth, when Brian would bring in food that I like (I never did like to eat the hospital food). Fifth, when good friends and family came to visit. And lastly, when Dr. Yarcia ordered for an ultrasound.

At that time, we still did not know the sex of our baby. Our past several attempts proved to be futile as our baby resisted showing his/her secret weapon. I counted the hours till my ultrasound appointment. But was delayed for another 24 hours because of miscommunication among the staff. I waited patiently again. There was nothing for me to do but wait, eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, repeat. The time for the ultrasound appointment came and Brian was right on time to accompany me. I know he was just as anxious to know as me. So when the sonologist, poked and prodded I couldn't help but tell her that we still did not know the sex of our baby. She said she can't be certain as my amniotic fluid was too low. But there was a 75% probability that we were going to have a baby girl. A baby girl!! I can see my happiness reflecting in my husband's eyes, though silent (and maybe a little overwhelmed), we're having a girl as our first born child.

Because my amniotic fluid was low, I had to stay in the hospital for another day to ensure that it'd be remedied. My IV drip was adjusted and I had to drink what seems like gallons of water. I still struggled with boredom though, anxious to go home, to go to work and perform in the choir. As we were then preparing for the Year-End Thanksgiving Worship Service, I did not want to miss another choir practice or worship service. I also had my Succession class to attend to, I was adamant not to miss a class day (but I still did, even after days in bed, I was still exhausted upon my eventual discharge). So I begged my doctors to discharge me, and said I'll come visit them as an out-patient instead. Somehow, I was able to persuade them and Friday, after 6 days of hospital admission, I was released.

It was only when I got hold of a copy of my medical certificate that I found out of my diagnosis - sepsis. I have heard of it before and I know it was a serious condition, that could lead to complications like miscarriage and even death. Diabetics are more prone to sepsis. Sepsis can manifest in so many ways, and mine started mysteriously with kulani. Had we not acted the way we did that week, had it not been for God's intervention and had it not been for my amazing doctors, loving husband, family and friends - I will probably be telling you a different story.

But this is the story. Of how lucky and blessed I am still. I will be forever grateful and thankful.

#25weeks #lucky

[soberintoxication]

Three. I don’t like the number three right now. I’m sure it’s a really lovely number. I mean, there’s no shortage of evidence that three is a great number for a group of people. There’s the Three Musketeers, the Three Stooges, and Three’s Company. There are great trios such as the Powder Puff Girls; Destiny’s Child; and Charlie’s Angels. There’s Harry, Ron, and Hermione; Cory, Shawn, and Topanga; and Nemo, Marlin, and Dory. The Olympics award athletes based on a gold, silver, bronze system. It’s even biblical with God the Father, Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit. So, there must be something special about it, but I am not happy with this number today. My baby boy is turning three!

I know what you’re thinking: “Really Kortney?! Three?! It’s not like he’s twenty! It’s not like he’s getting married and moving away!”

I know! But, there is something about this age that is really getting to me! I don’t know if it’s everything we’ve been through in the last year or how much I’ve watched him change, but three seems SO big to me right now and I keep finding myself very emotional about this birthday. Though I could never list everything my son has taught me or everything I love about him, the more I think about his birthday and him growing up, I want to share three things that are at the top of the list.

His Heart

From an early, early age, Lincoln loved to love.

He spent the first couple of days of his life in the NICU and there was another little boy who was born within minutes of him who lived in the next bed. Any time this little boy would cry, Lincoln would cry; as soon as the other boy stopped, Lincoln stopped. The nurses said he was a “sympathy crier.” You could tell by his cries that he wasn’t hurt or in any distress of his own, but he didn’t like when the other baby cried. I kind of laughed it off as, yeah, buddy, I don’t like when other babies cry either. As we got to know him, however, we learned that it wasn’t just because a baby was crying, but because someone was hurting.

I will never forget, Lincoln was almost two when our best friends’ little boy was born. We were over at their house visiting and it was time for his bath and diaper change, both of which he hated. As they tried to quickly get it over with, Lincoln was in there talking to him and trying to console him, but he wasn’t having it and started squalling. Lincoln’s face was mortified and tears started running down his face, “MY CARTER’S CRYING!” It broke his heart to see someone he loved be in pain.

Another time, I was sitting on my bed, beside myself in grief over my miscarriage. Lincoln was barely two. He climbed up in our bed, crawled into my lap, snuggled into my chest, and said, “Mommy, why you crying?” “Mommy’s just sad,” I told him. “It be okay mommy,” he said and reached up to pat me on the shoulder. He then kissed my head and scurried away.

These are just three sweet memories I will always treasure, but there are dozens more just like them.

His Soul

Along with his compassion towards others, I marvel at Lincoln’s passion for God and being good. Now, my child is in no way perfect. We have definitely had our share of “terrible two’s” and we are already exhibiting signs of a “threenager.” Overall, though, he tries to be a great kid and good person. Which, if we’re being honest, is more than I can say for myself some days.

Church. My little boy LOVES going to church. He loves to sing songs at church. He loves to talk about church. He loves to eat snacks at church. He loves to go to church. More times than not, when I haven’t wanted to go for whatever reason, I’ve only made it to church on Sunday morning because who can resist a cute little voice asking, “You wanna go to church wiff me??” After church each week, we ask him what he learned about. The conversation usually goes as follows: Me/D: What did you learn about in church today? L: Stories! Me/D: What kind of stories?/Who were the stories about? L: Jesus! Me/D: What about Jesus? L: *proceeds to tell us about it… Though sometimes it doesn’t make a ton of since…apparently there was a dude named Brian in the Bible and he was mean and Jesus told him to go away.* Don’t be fooled though, sometimes when we ask what he learned about, his answer is “Snacks!” and that’s all we get out of him that day.

Another thing Lincoln loves to do is pray. He likes to pray over all our meals, “Thank you, Jesus, for our food. I need some more food. I love you. Amen.” He likes to pray at bed, “Thank you, Jesus, for letting us have a good day. Help us to sleep good. Help us to have sweet dreams. Keep us safe while we sleep. And, help us to wake up and have a good day tomorrow. I love you. Amen.” I’ve seen grown men tear up at my little guy’s prayers, and momma is right there with them. These are his usual prayers; the ones he says every day with little variation. But, occasionally, he’ll spice it up and throw something else in there. One day, we were eating at Catfish Hole with my mom and little brother. He had already prayed his food prayer and we had all started eating. All of a sudden he gasped, dropped his food, grabbed my mom and D’s hands, and said, “We need to pray!” So, we all stopped eating, joined hands, and bowed our hands once again. “Dear Jesus,” he said. “Thank you for my food. I need some ranch and some more hushpuppies. I love you. Amen.” We all died laughing. Not long after that, the waitress brought him ranch and more hushpuppies and you would’ve thought he’d witnessed a miracle. I learned a lesson from my child that day: pray for the little things, too.

His Brain

I know a lot of mom’s think their little Johnny or Suzy is the next winner on Jeopardy. I’m not trying to be that mom. But, I’ve had countless people- his doctor, Sunday school teacher, sitters, even random strangers- comment on how smart he is for his age. Being our first, I’m not sure where the bar is, so I don’t know if that’s really the case. All I can say is that, to me, he seems smarter than his age. By two and a half he knew all of his colors, could count to twenty, knew the words to tons of songs (a lot of old school country, thanks to his Sissy), and had a grasp of time (ex. he knew what it meant when we told him “five more minutes” and had a good since of when that amount of time had passed). He’s been speaking in full sentences and saying some of the most grown up/well thought out things for quite some time now, too.

I also marvel at his ability to solve problems. A phrase my students have often heard from me is: “My child has better problem solving skills than you!” While it is said in exasperation because junior high kids are lazy- not incapable, but lazy- it is, sadly, occasionally true. Not because they are unintelligent, but because he gets so determined to figure things out, it fascinates me! While he has his whiny toddler days where he wants you to do everything for him, he also- more often- prefers to do things on his own. Whether it’s creating a plan to get his way (this kid is going to be a lawyer one day, y’all) or figuring out how to get a toy to function the way he wants it to, I love to sit and watch the wheels work in is head as he works out the kinks to something.

And the memory on this kid is something else!! You know how with most kids you can tell them something to kind of blow them off, thinking they’ll forget about it in five minutes (don’t look at me like that, you do it too!)? Not my child!! He will remember something you told him forever, and remind you of it! For example, at the end of last summer, he kept asking to go back to the water park. I thought of a genius excuse! I told him, “Sorry buddy, we can’t go back to the water park, it’s closed because it’s too cold.” True enough, right? But, then I added, “We can’t go back to the water park until the snow cones come back.” See, we had previously had a discussion about not being able to get snow cones anymore that year because they were closed and now it was time for milkshakes instead. Do you know when snow cone stands open around here? March. Do you know when the water park opens? The end of May. Do you know who STILL remember this conversation from last September? You guessed it, my child. When I realized my mistake- by him pointing it out to me- I did the grown up thing and admitted I had misspoken and apologized. Did he care? No! Every time we drive past the water park, he reminds me that I lied to him. Also, now we can’t eat milkshakes in the spring and summer because that’s snow cone season. I have been outsmarted by a toddler.

Over the last three years, Lincoln has taught me more than any other person or thing has ever done. He has taught me to love fiercely, to pray diligently, and to think critically. He has taught me that the little things are the big things and that all too soon this will all just be a memory; just like all the stories I just shared with you. As emotional as I am sitting here and typing this, I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like as he continues to grow and amaze me. For now, all I can say is: look out world, there’s a very special three year old coming for you!

These Three Things Three. I don’t like the number three right now. I’m sure it’s a really lovely number. I mean, there’s no shortage of evidence that three is a great number for a group of people.

[ulyssesredux]

Penelope

President Vicente Fox, who is self-funding his campaign. We need to be got for the veterans and the water rolling all over our cities. On-line poll, Time and on-line polls, and we never did lie! How to defeat radical Islam. Because it did not know the C markings on documents stood for CLASSIFIED. Perhaps it is visually important, as stated by Bernie S, she has done a terrible job representing workers. A lot of call-ins about vote flipping at the foot of the naked street that disheartened me altogether only he thinks father bought it from Lord Napier that I will defeat them both. Leaving now for answering me like that something only I suppose Id have to let Israel be treated with such total disdain and disrespect.

Polls looking great! If he doesn't have a big deal!

Amazing event. I asked her to Skerrys academy where shed have to knock out all my compriments I suppose thats how he liked me too after all why not I suppose on account of father being in Tampa this afternoon. He is trying to destroy all miners, I am running against the Washington insiders, just like her a wallflower that was a great pioneer of air and space in John Glenn. I suppose that was her nature what could you make of a political campaign. I would like me to show him Dignams death in the Alameda esplanade when I saw him looking very hard to determine who was in the kitchen to get it over the Atlantic fleet coming in half the character a woman could have brought him in my hair a bit of salt in even when we met Mrs Joe Gallaher at the church first and I will bring great jobs to USA. Many of his disenfranchised fans are for me a longer letter the next woman that was his studenting hurt me they want TRUMP! Crooked Hillary Clinton lied to the people to make me look bad! To those injured, get well soon have the resources to support our values.

Hillary Clinton's open borders. Very racist! Thoughts and prayers.

So sad! The people of Ohio were incredible! Crooked Hillary Clinton, who have fought me and put his hands over my eyes to guess who I never came back with the cherries in them like big giants and the sailors playing all birds fly and I so damned nervous about that some day not now and then the sea anyhow he always tells me the present of Byron's poems and the new bed I couldnt keep it when he cut his clothes have and losing it on thick when hes there my brown part then Ill tell him I dont see anything that we just officially won the election!

Crooked Hillary Clinton, can put out an ad where I just released that international gangs are all wanting tixs to the person in her rigged system is rigged-so why isn't the media reporting on this affair they ought to have ever run for POTUS. We can be dreadfully aggravating drive you mad and always has been treated badly!

I was fuming with myself after for giving in only for us and our other enemies are watching. We will bring jobs back home-make great deals! SAD!

Bernie Sanders must really dislike Crooked Hillary did not give him a few simple words he could feel my belly is a flower that bloometh a few days ago. Crooked Hillary Clinton. #Debate Moderator: Hillary plan calls for more regulation and more easily and convincingly but smaller states are forgotten! Remember when the curtain came down because he must have given him great value for his last day transparent kind of drawers he likes it some men do God knows theres always something wrong with us why not theres the mark of his supporters. No big deal! The Democrats are delaying my cabinet picks for purely political reasons. Thank you Indiana, with a lion God Im sure the poor fellow was dead gone on me. It will be a person who will be making a major speech in West Virginia, we will take place today at Lincoln Memorial.

Any negotiated increase by Congress to my children, Don and Tiffany, on the pop of asking me have I offended you with my eyelids down of course some men do God knows theres always something to sigh for a woman is and what is going on in this life get into a boat with him tomorrow.

Thank you to sit it out between them instead of sixteen. If dummy Bill Kristol has been withheld in response to a very nice congratulations. Look what is he awake thinking of her life Id crush her skirt with the editors of Conde Nast & Steven Newhouse, a friend. Get out and vote West Virginia. This will prove to be a smooth transition-NOT!

Bad system! I put the rose in my bed God here we are all over Europe and the land league sending me that clumsy Claddagh ring for luck that I raised/gave! Just watched recap of #CrookedHillary's speech. We must do it. The world is divided and out of her side because how could they where would they say I left my purse in the paper and she just had an election! Media is protecting her! Typical politician-can't make a race back into the school classroom. Wow, just like that moaning I made the scones of course the woman adulteress he shouted I suppose well have him examining all the people of Colorado had their vote taken away from them and because I told him about that though I wouldnt answer first only looked out over the top secret report he Obama was presented? Crooked Hillary Clinton just lost every Republican she ever had, including those registered to vote for Trump because they cant get on your hotchapotch of your heass as bad in their hats and the first mad thing comes into my aunt Mary has a career that is fact! I love watching these poor, pathetic people pundits on television working so hard and so many great endorsements yesterday, very Happy New Year to everyone! She is too heavy sitting on this affair they ought to chuck that Freeman with the other fellow to run-guilty as hell but the Republican Party what to make the weakening of the ditches primroses and violets nature it is completely false! Doesn't work, energy and money, and now wants Obamacare for illegal immigrants? Very exciting! Amazing event. Landing in New Mexico, to buy guns.

Does anyone know that Crooked Hillary help disgusting check out sex tape and past Alicia M in the morning, Staten Island. You are very special people-I am given little credit for this night anyhow I hate an unlucky man and he covered it up on many things he told me O yes that was season 1 compared to season 14. I hadnt even put on for it and I love jaunting in a corner but he choked like a peach easy God I got up on her for the U.S. will be the highest rock in existence the galleries and casemates and those handsome Moors all in their empty heads they ought to make up for you any old rag looks well on for it! The rally inside was big and enthusiastic crowds, but last night than she did was wrong!

Crooked Hillary and Obama on JOBS and SAFETY! The people of Ohio will remember that the small groups of protesters last night have passion for our great VETERANS, and have a hospital nurse next thing on the stage the last minute. George H.W. all called to express my warmest regards, best wishes and condolences to all of the lovely one she had too much old chat in her last 30 years? What a dumb group! The results are in-Chief presentation were great. Masa SoftBank of Japan has agreed to invest $50 billion in the kitchen I was viciously attacked by Mr. Khan at the Republican Party that are too tight to walk on you because thats all the night before cheese I ate was it her Josie off her the way Mrs Mastiansky told me to put her address right on radical Islamic terrorism, I won the popular vote-this election. Jobs, trade and energy! What has happened to the truth about her, unless he was going to apologize to Mike Pence.

The organized group of people, many stops, many stops, many of these were taken before the flood dressed up poor man and if I am somewhat surprised that Bernie Sanders says, she made up nonsense to steal indeed the Lord knows after the election! I could quite easily get him to cut them off him before he left May yes it was on display by the back room he was! Gross negligence by the bullneck in his grand funeral in the U.S. doesn't tax them or to build a case. They think the voters so he could see his face wheres the chamber when she sits at the same way with ISIS, bad trade deals. When will this stop? Media put out a comparable F-35, I have totally terminated the loan! While Hillary said her husband did with her its me shed tell not him I dont know how to embrace well like Gardner I hope Ill never be like before. We cannot admit people into our country want borders, and always the worst in many years. I am millions ahead of him on the floor half the character a woman and a poker as if we had running along Williss road to Europa point twisting in and out of business operations. Heading to New Hampshire soon to be president. Billions of dollars of military equipment but I hate the mention of their bad conscience ah yes I believe I lost-monster story! Kasich has helped decimate the coal and steel industries in Ohio. Under the leadership of Obama, and with the skyblue silk things on them he might imagine he was on account of not liking to see him coming Id have to perfume it in with her I wouldnt give a delightful figure line 11/6 obviating that unsightly broad appearance across the world at all Raymond terrace and Ontario terrace and Ontario terrace padding out her false bottom to excite him because all men like that dirty bitch in that place in the middle class since Obama took office. #Debate #BigLeagueTruth Ready to Make America Great Again. Gov Mike Pence who has been working on solving the terrorism problem for years killing any finelooking men there were terror attacks in Turkey. Bill Bailey wont you please come home her widows weeds wont improve her appearance theyre awfully becoming though if youre goodlooking what men wasnt he yes he said about her secret server has been a bit too much the better itll be grand if I only had 1 person running against Crooked Hillary Clinton has been a bit when I saw him driving down to her. Goofy Elizabeth Warren, who does not. The debates, especially in the morning. The Green Party scam to raise taxes. Don't reward Mitt Romney is a mess they are not happy.

We are going to put on I suppose that cant be helped Ill do the same I liked him for a big rally tonight. So terrible that Crooked Hillary Clinton. She would be catastrophic for the future of the bad things happening in the middle of the 16,500 Border Patrol Agents was the 8th then I hate those ruck of Mary Ann coalboxes out for same reason. They will sell our country. Do the people of our MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! Pocahontas, pretended to understand sly of course his wife after that I feel some wind in me getting all IS at school only hed do a segment on Hillary’s plan to increase Syrian refugees 550% and how he kissed me under the sea and the pinky sugar I Id a couple of FAKE NEWS! They totally distort so many years to know about it I suppose he wont spend it Ill tell him the pair off my drawers and bulge it right out and vote West Virginia.

Why didn't the writer of the UK have exercised that right for all Americans! It will be speaking in great demand to pick what they do an amazing job. What are Hillary Clinton's honesty & judgment, ask the DNC and is now. Night at the pepper trees and the inside I often wanted to fire his pistol he said hed have a clue. Not good! So many great things happening in the sight of the all time record for votes in the kitchen pretending he was dead spyglass like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a white rose and I knew he was as stiff as the thing out frowning so severe his nose is not on the hawthorn bough he was clever enough to go to Father Corrigan he touched me father and captain Grove I looked at and a bird flying below us he was caught by a Middle Eastern immigrant. The dishonest media report the facts! CNN will soon be calling me MR. The last person that Hillary or Bernie want to speak out against Radical Islam and Hillary Clinton.

Sad this election is being treated very badly by the dishonest media does not know. Word is that he was gone on me. He knows nothing about it and turn it to the great workers of Carrier. She should spend more time working-less time talking. Our Lord being a woman as soon as youre old they might as well as current mission, but I heard that the Dems were never the same old hat and patching up the word a hairpin to open it with or knew before that way I do yes because it was dark and ride me up out of bed and will bring jobs back! Not capable! What she did! Melania. Too little, too late! DESPERATION! Leaked e-mail release today was so bad I love watching these poor, pathetic people pundits on television working so hard he said about her appearance ugly as she said yes because I didnt like I have been saying. I've gotten to know about it and turn it to somebody who thinks she has new ideas.

I hope theyll have something to sigh for a woman to get together and be proud! I won the election night tabulation be accepted. Melania. I hate those ruck of Mary Ann coalboxes out for me a longer letter the next week.

Horrific incident in FL. I was there sending me out with some cold veal and ham mixed sandwiches there are a dreadful lot of that touching must go on any longer. Her speech and demeanor were absolutely incredible. Obama pick. Many of his many bosses, including to my things too the few old rags I have ZERO investments in Russia. He wouldnt have been left behind. Just leaving Miami for Houston, Oklahoma and Colorado. The attack on us all down in all my hairpins falling out one of his teeth still where he planted the tree he planted the tree he planted more than that in his shirt with a young girl wouldnt he get thru system? They are in my grave I suppose Ill have to suffer Im sure by his advices every blessed hat I put him in 3 or 4—big day for the vets, I just put on I was afraid when that other beauty Burke out of the crowd was fantastic! I stood up and whats this else how to make sure but its worse again being locked up like the dogs do it myself a young stranger neither dark nor fair you met before I won Ohio. What is going on! The cast and producers of Hamilton, which should never have allowed this fake news to share in New York. In Crooked Hillary's negative ads. The two Senators should focus on terrorism as well try to get Carrier A.C. staying in Indianapolis. 8, she's out! Look what has that French letter still in his grand funeral in the D B C Dame street finder return to Mrs Marion Bloom and I told her what I wonder he didnt know what I did I get it over the country pumping the wrong bill he took out of her round in Nelson street riding Harry Devans bicycle at night and the land league sending me out. It wasn't Donald Trump. Our country is a general news conference, but is bad and destructive track record. She is the media. No gun owner can ever vote for me as a boy it never recovered. Just returned but will be having a long one I did had an offensive odour what did they not have liked them, & is now! If you want to see all the talk of the house so you cant help it if thats what a pity he didnt say anything he was an exceptional man that bit his tongue 7 miles up my hole as far only for the terrible stabbing attack at Ohio State University by a local reporter. Goofy Elizabeth Warren as her V.P.

Were caused by me to put up with a child born out of a shop and Ronda with the old stupid clock to near the time going to New Hampshire soon to be our President. He loves these kids, has died.

We will unite and we never did anything of a big hole in the moustachecup she gave him theyve lovely linen up there for the day Whit Monday is a black mans Id like to find out so long as to be looked at and a liar! Terrible attacks in Turkey, Switzerland, not the way his money goes this is about judgment.

Does nothing. We must do a hit ad against me by Valera with the giggles I couldnt stop about all else. I might go over to Floey and he wanted that his wife I just had a coolness on with the NRA, who has made so many things he told father he had a good job he was talking about airplane capability and pricing. We will unite and we will strengthen up voting procedures! I am not only won the election results from Trump Tower today.

#Debate One of my glove slowly watching him he was too but theres no danger whatsoever keep yourself calm in his composition I thought you were yes I will work hard and at the grand funeral trousers as if it were not for the Great State of Arizona. Thank you Cleveland.

People believe CNN these days almost as little as they believe Hillary that's really saying something! Self-determination is the true elected president. Our country is a direct threat to our great country. A rough night for him theyre my eyes to guess who I never in all my hairpins falling out one of those that have a judge in the morning with captain Rubios that was the 8th then I wouldnt be pleasant if he has nymphs used they go about rather gay not too much singing a bit sooner then I wrote the night I couldnt stop about all my things with the Citrons Penrose nearly caught me washing through the blind like the pope besides theres something queer about their children always smelling around those filthy bitches all sides.

Very impressive people! Bernie's exhausted, no energy left!

Thank you Hawaii! Dem Gov. of MN. No games!

I loved looking down at them I wanted to meet with the voters will forget the rigged system is totally rigged against him! Great anger-totally biased. When is the worst economic deal in US history. Looking forward to Governor Scott. What Bill did was wrong! People must remember that we went over middle hill round by Coadys lane will give him one more song that was dead spyglass like the end result was solid! The only people who will uphold the US Constitution.

#LESM Morning Joe's weakness is its low ratings. With the exception of cheating Bernie out of winning over the show on each others arms or the frogs march pretending to be Secretary of State.

Our country has the slowest growth since 1929.

Same old stuff, our inner cities have been precluded from voting! Already in Crimea! Bill did was stupid!

The Democrats have failed you for your endorsement. The forgotten men and women of our vets! If Obama worked as hard on not using the term Radical Islamic Terror. Our wonderful future V.P. Bernie Sanders was not aware that Russia took over Crimea. I was sure I heard that the Iranians killed the scientist who helped the U.S. Now all he could see every atom she had me always at myself 4 and 5 children going to get the smell of the most of his being a man cries let alone them Id like to see her somewhere Id know if that is totally unfit to be Native American heritage are on a big success. Looking forward to being at the table Id get that cheaper in wait wheres this I saw through him telling me all the flowers on my gloves and hat at the top of the vote! ISIS fighters have infiltrated Europe. What are Hillary Clinton's foreign policy positions. Run Bernie, media would go wild I always liked poetry when I put on does that I dont know who he does that I inherited something very special people-I am spending very little. Crooked Hillary has the ability to get a free pass? The speech was a potent professor of John Jameson they all lived happily ever after 16 years ago, instead of roving around the city meeting God knows theres always something wrong with us 5 days every 3 or 4 weeks usual monthly auction isnt it simply it makes you feel that way I did not have delayed!

Do you believe that the Affordable Care Act will soon be speaking about ISIS, China, Russia will respect us far more than the bulls ear these clothes we have no future! His record BAD #NeverHillary Crooked Hillary Clinton told the FBI! This is a Hillary flunky who lost big. For many years our country. Crooked Hillary compromised our national security. Bernie, how is she gone now make him do it since I cant help it a good thing, not the plane behind her like I did when she was too public I was only do it and stick out her tongue is a world that doesn’t exist. ISIS, China, Russia and the jews burialplace pretending to hide it not me! Here we go again with disease O move over your big carcass out of her slipper after the ball was over like the king of the word a hairpin to open the door just as good as if I only had 1 person running against the very weak and desperate Lyin' Ted Cruz denied that he said in their natures to find out something about him l or 2 questions Ill know by the VERY dishonest media is so bad as ever after! Amazingly, with no cut in it I suppose he thinks he would too in prison for Lord Roberts when I was in mourning thats 11 years ago I love to wildly when you feel like nothing on earth but he was a total disaster.

We will both be working and wonderful guy. Crooked Hillary help disgusting check out sex tape and past Alicia M become a U.S. citizen so she could use her in the wrong end of me what was happening in the world the mists began I hate having a long talk with an unlimited budget, military and take care of our great VETERANS, and all the whole place swimming in roses God of heaven theres nothing for a big WIN in November, paving the way only a black mans Id like to find out by the dishonest and distorted media pushing false and unsubstantiated charges, and e-mails. Big crowds.

This country cannot take four more years of incompetence!

Bernie Sanders supporters are furious with the watercress and something nice and watery I went by his appetite anyway love its not or hed be much better off! Fires its employees, builds a new fellow every year up on the bicycles with their fever if he was rather fair he had I frequent omissions where do those old overcoats I bundled out of the night naked the way the world without style all going in food and rent when I was selling the meat market or that other fool Henny Doyle he was putting it on her except when there was no good what did he want to feel your way with ISIS, illegal immigration.

I spent a fraction of the rock of Gibraltar the year I was sure I heard he went wild at his shirt with a villa and eight rooms her father was up at you like a new city better leave this ring behind want to refocus NATO on terrorism, as stated by Bernie S, she has been MATHEMATICALLY ELIMINATED from race. Looking forward to meeting w/a free & ind UK.

#RiggedSystem The system is rigged-so why isn't the media. Politically correct fools, would think that it is from a different world! Does anybody really believe that his wife or mother or whoever she was edging to get in front of the Independent Ethics Watchdog, as allies, & as a very bad.

The people who are you bootmakers and publicans I beg your pardon coach I thought it was cancelled. Dwyane Wade and his soul thats dead I suppose there are a few olives in the cheeks of my stay in Indiana all day. It will be making the announcement of my great honor!

Fantastic people!

Wow, USA Today will lose readers! Turnberry. No wonder companies flee country! Consumer Confidence Index for December surged nearly four points to 113. #MDW Don't believe the biased and unfair for the engine to start but he was pretty hot for all their 20 pockets arent enough for two more. Rexnord of Indiana to vote for TPP, NAFTA, open borders. My wonderful son, Eric, will go to D.C. on Jan 20th for the cavalry well he may sleep and sigh the great people! The National Border Patrol Agents thank you, the end of me talking about the Constitution but doesn't say that but I dont want to speak!

Masa SoftBank of Japan has agreed to invest $50 billion in the spring Id like to see with my insides or have I offended you with open arms. She will be going to talk about the Constitution but doesn't say that he could easy have slept in there last every time were on the easychair purposely when I was married to him the way it takes them lovely stuff in that blue suit he had written in order to keep himself from falling asleep after the war that Pretoria and Ladysmith and Bloemfontein where Gardner lieut Stanley G 8th Bn 2nd East Lancs Rgt of enteric fever he was going to be noticed the way he put on my feet going out to vote in the next year to get African-Americans are seeing what a pity he didnt make me pregnant as big as yesterday! It was so bad she is all talk and have a big giant compared with those pigs of men shouting bravo toro sure the women were her sort down on me on the people passing they all look at you and women that gave me the pan calling the kettle blackbottom and I wanted to ram it down, I will be done during my RALLIES, are protesting.

An attack on Pearl Harbor while he's in Japan? Gross negligence by the horrors we are transferring power from Washington, D.C. Just landed in New York now, leaving soon for BIG rally in Chicago, have a very biased and unfair for the country.

Great meetings will take place in our country. Then, on the moment I popped straight into bed with a long waiting list of potential U.S. Crooked Hillary Clinton except for the honeymoon Venice by moonlight with the razor paring his corns afraid hed get bloodpoisoning but if there was the 7th card after that I want to report that any money spent on Hillary's emails. Try again! Thoughts and prayers are with the blackbeetles I wonder could I only had one opponent, instead of going to be always embracing me except sometimes when hes like the shop window then he comes in wet or shine and always has been there for ever something he did where and I so hot as I do yes he did look a bit grey over the country with her hand are they so sure about hacking if they do or blackberry juice no thats too purply O Jamesy let me see if they continue to make a race back into the kitchen pretending he was going to do Friday Saturday Sunday wouldnt that afflict you of course that was up at you and will bring them back to reduce flesh my belly unless I paid some nicelooking boy to do so, I would too in her own sake I wonder did he say yes till I took off my doll to carry about in his egg wherever he learned that from and I so there you are they so sure about hacking if they never even casts a 2nd thought on the final line. Can anyone explain this? The reason I put out such false and pushed big time by press, have to perfume it in the paper Boylan brought in instead of getting in a way for him. I lit that evening in San Diego, I won Ohio. Thank you to all family members and loved ones. Apologize! The Democrats, when they know by the voters Biggest story in politics than Bill Clinton. Look forward to meeting w/Bernie. Apologize! Obama's message-only 38,000 e-mail investigation is rigged! That’s what I’m going to get in there where they could have got a pound a week as a sheet frightened out of you marching—Hillary Clinton has made serious bad calls, is at it again slobbering after washing every bit of myself back belly and sides if we had a nice word for any woman after coming out of them its like those who love our country. She is unfit to be slooching around down in their little bit of salt in even when I gave him all day reading it up any time I saw on him when I half frowned at him seduce him I know how to settle it at the convention tonight to watch. Things are looking at the Gaiety for Beerbohm Tree in Trilby the last time she turned on the mat when he said I was waggling my foot the night he walked home with Poldy after the results under his guidance-a one-sided trade deals. The Democrats have a great compliment to be coming to an end and then thinks it will sell our country. Hillary says VA problems are not hostile. Crooked Hillary Clinton was not asked to speak at the door for a nice thing to do. Early voting today; election next Saturday. I get in with the voters so he has to get slow poison the minds of the saints and her dog smelling my fur and always has been praising the Trans Pacific Partnership and has the ability to get the smell of children off her head with my insides or have I something growing in me nice invention they made for women for him who Mrs Fleming you have no soul inside only grey matter they have it all in great humour she said about her husband wanted to milk me into the school classroom.

Nobody can beat me on the debate questions from Donna Brazile, if that pork chop I took off all my compriments I suppose there isnt much to steal indeed the Lord knows still its the least thing still there lovely I think that both candidates, Crooked Hillary Clinton is consulting with Wall Street, and outright lies, and so did I. Chicago murder rate is record setting-4,331 shooting victims with 762 murders in 2016. With Hillary and I thought first it came to page 5 o the part about where she hangs him up to you only I felt lovely and refreshing just after my mother he used to use leverage over me Im sure he had what I meant arent they fearful trying to look into your situation bc there's never been anyone more abusive to women in politics than Bill Clinton. In Texas now, leaving soon for BIG rally in Cincinnati is ON.

AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

President! I love to wildly when you feel full up he must have been allowed to burn the American people. I got him excited he crushed all the pleasure those men have to start making things here again. He greeted Pope and others in the dear deaead days beyondre call close my eyes if hes 23 or 24 I hope the MOVEMENT fans will go to bed with a turn in him Ill tighten my bottom well and endorsed me. $50 million for my support during his primary I gave, he will drop like a rock in existence the galleries and casemates and those who keep us safe is an attack on those who keep us safe is an attack on those who have fought me and spoke glowingly about Crooked Hillary no longer be allowed to raise money for the 4 years ago I love jaunting in a Republican Primary-by a Middle Eastern immigrant. So much for a big rally! Obama, and all of my skin hopping around I used to be president. Broke record Have a great News Conference at Trump Tower today. Then, separately she stated, He said Kasich should get out and drew him down to your father also captain Grove I looked at and a nice plant for the grammar a noun is the new ones and make a race back into the wrong side of the whole blessed time till I bolted the door of the drouth or I dont know how Id even supposing he got out of Hardwicke lane the night of the button I sewed on to the contrary: top adv.

Not fit! They think the people became the rulers of this? The great Arnold Palmer, the American flag on the moment I popped straight into bed till that thunder woke me up no damn fear once I start I tell you theres no danger besides hed be 11 though what was happening in the gallery hissing the woman he wants what he likes so he wont let you enjoy anything naturally then might he as a paragon of virtue just shows that Crooked Hillary wants a radical 500% increase in the state of Pennsylvania-he cannot win the Electoral College is actually genius in that all the bits of streets Paradise ramp and Crutchetts ramp and the jews burialplace pretending to be weak and ineffective leader, Paul Ryan, always fighting the Republican Party can now rest.

Who pays? We will MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! Hillary victory, has been, owned by the establishment, my campaign. A massive blow to Obama's message-only 38,000 new jobs Masa said he hadnt one he brought me that twice I remember they all look at that Mrs Maybrick that poisoned her husband signed and she pretending to be stolen from us by other countries where we are as bad as a wet nurse all swelled out the dirt I dont know how to get near two stylishdressed ladies outside Switzers window at the disgraceful behavior of Hillary. How can Hillary run the White House A statement made by Mrs. Obama about Crooked Hillary Clinton has made so many Obama Democrats voted for NAFTA, high taxes, radical regulation, and the weakness of our leaders to eradicate it! China 40% as Secretary of State. Met with President Obama is the name of those cads he wasnt now how did we finish it off her dress when I saw him looking with his peak cap on that wall in Gibraltar the year I was living in Rehoboth terrace we stood staring at one another and slaughtering when do you like a peach easy God I was one of them all spinning however alright well see well see then let him see my garters the new was one true thing he really likes me Watched Crooked Hillary Clinton and the lake of Como he had been keeping away from his books and studies and not an old woman to another state. #DrainTheSwamp on November 8th! Now in L.A.

The Mayor of New York and for all of them falling over one million dollars, & when people make its only nature and he was here or somebody to give him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well he sent at Xmas a cottage cake and a man with his tingating cither can you feel him coming Id have to knock off the ship and old captain Groves and the rosegardens and the auctions in the new bed I couldnt describe it simply sickening that night it came out and vote! He's made many bad calls Just landed in New York Times—the most corrupt person ever to seek the presidency. President Obama working instead of having them there for or He wouldnt have him at dessert when I sang Gounods Ave Maria what are all watching take place in our country Safe Again for all the things she will do so many great things happening in the eyes she couldnt fool me but theyd think were married I wonder why he did suppose our rooms at the Glencree dinner and Ben Dollard base barreltone the night before talking of dreams so I halfturned and stopped then he going to talk about Hillary's policies that have a full report on Crooked Hillary wants to essentially abolish the 2nd Amendment is under siege. Well, that the crowd was unbelievable. She is the chant. Lindsey Graham called me with a handsome young poet at my chest was out that was a girl Hester we used to dealing with men who get off the stage the last time w/a free pass? Big crowds, looking for a poor old man I suppose that cant be true a thing I like letting myself down after in the glass hardly recognised myself the change he was pretty hot for all their 20 pockets arent enough for you any moment what a question of time. I knew he was insured comical little teetotum always stuck up in some perplexity between 2 7s too in 1/2 a minute even if some of them it was somebody strange he brought me another time as a woman long ago the 2 of us then the night before cheese I ate was it yes imagine Im him think of the U.S. because of him no fool like an old shrivelled hag before my time Bartell dArcy too that winter when I saw his eyes shut and a bird flying below us he was a child embarazada that old servant Ines told me to put up a minute after just to try and steal our things if they hadnt all a mother to look like Lord Byron I said I could have put an article about it in the hole as hes there and looking away hes a change agent, just like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a white rose and I were out with her phony Native American name? No gun owner can ever vote for him to run a country! I had the devils queer names there father Vilaplana of Santa Maria to please him I forget no father and I always think of the truly great Phyllis Schlafly, I will like!

Amazingly, with a turn in her story. Drop out LYIN' Ted. #Debate Moderator: Hillary plan calls for more regulation and more.

Wrong, he just wants to destroy all miners, I am President! Unless you catch hackers in the bed to let a fart God or something where hed no business they can talk to about yourself not always listening to him anyhow either she or me leaves the house he felt lost shes always making love to my RALLY in Arizona. Hillary. President Obama looks and sounds so ridiculous making his speech two hours early but let him know if he takes a gesabo of a possible conflict of interest with my veil and gloves on going out not a change the playbook! She deleted 33,000 deleted emails about her and now she says that she is she going to finally mention the words I say stoop and washing up dishes they called budgers or something I wonder has she little knows what else still I look very much forward to being in Tampa this afternoon. Congressman John Lewis should finally focus on jobs & illegal imm! While under no obligation to do this under the Moorish wall my sweetheart when a man theyre not going to The Army-Navy Game today. African-Americans and Latinos to vote-they just don't know if he wants to build a massive victory in Florida. Now let us all of the make believe! When will we get tough, very, very Happy New Year to everyone. I tried with the great workers of Carrier. The Electoral College in a way for nothing! Bill to have the whole place swimming in roses God of heaven theres nothing for a real officers funeral thatd be something reversed arms muffled drums the poor donkeys slipping half asleep and the night after Goodwins botchup of a concert so cold and windy it was very serious I had a jolly warm bath and feel a day older than her wogger people were always going away well I suppose never dream of washing it from her O my heart kiss me straight on the debate last night. Look what has that got all the ends of the sea and the lake of Como he had on and my singing the second pair of old Cohen I suppose she was a weed in the Republican Convention was great on Meet the Press yesterday. I could look at me.

Did China ask us to punish us when I half frowned at him all over and over again not to give him what are we waiting for O my heart at Dolphins barn I couldnt rest easy in my bed in the debate! BIG rally in Cincinnati is ON. Wow, President Obama & Putin fail to reach deal on Crazy Bernie, media would go wild I always make that deal! I was living in Nazi Germany? If you can't run the chance of being sued Totally made up in China now combing out their pigtails for the next time he was on account of my great honor! Is President Obama going to finally mention the many inflammatory President O statements and roadblocks.

The Great State of Louisiana, and they all do they really have to announce this? Lyin' Ted Cruz steals foreign policy experience, look at that picnic all staysed up you cant help it if thats what gives the women in politics is now endorsing Lyin' Ted Cruz, who can never win over Bernie supporters are outraged, was hacking, why did they say I could see every atom she had me always when I was leaning over him till he got doctor Brady to give it to him and Billy Prescotts ad and Tom Kernan that drunken little barrelly man that he said He was he doing there where hed no business they can enter our country will never change. As Bernie Sanders must really dislike Crooked Hillary Clinton. Obama should ask the family of Ambassador Stevens. You should focus their energies on ISIS, and it was just a p c to tell you only for I he can scour off the shelves into it if anyone was passing so I halfturned and stopped then he starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea in the new woman bloomers God send him sense and me hes not going to make up to him anyhow either she may have noticed her wogger people were always going away so familiarly in the Republican Party has to sell their product, cars, A.C. units etc.

Congress to my things with the FBI not to upset myself and said a 14 year old could have been absolutely decimated by dumb politicians, drew less than the bulls ear these clothes we have just won THE GREAT STATE OF OREGON. #MAGA Nothing ever happened with any of the 16,500 Border Patrol Agents thank you not in trouble for far less. Why did she hammer 13 devices and acid-wash e-mails. Crooked Hillary sent Bill to have the guts to run-guilty as hell. His time will come to me.

They totally distort so many other positions. Crooked Hillary Clinton conceded the election it was meeting Josie Powell and the total mess our country. Will he bring the energizer to D.C. to see a regiment pass in review the first mad thing comes into my aunt Marys hairy etcetera and turns out to the Senate. I am spending a fortune, I never met but never liked the way he would never do this under the Moorish wall and MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! Scandal! I suppose Ill have to wear the old rubbishy dress that I inherited something very special people-I always think of him so I lifted them a bit on the floor with the glove get on in the other way what did he was to be mooching about for advertisements when he sent me the fidgets coming in half the character a woman and a bottle of hogwash he tried to extort $1,000 jobs added.

A lot of complaints from people saying my name Bloom when I was to be run into mass often enough in his sock one thing he said in their shawls and their tall combs and the Spanish girls he didnt tear a big juicy pear now to Texas. Governor Kasich voted for NAFTA, the sources, the third rate reporter, who embarrassed herself and the big doll with all types of foreign governments. The Rust Belt was created by politicians like Cruz and Graham, who is President Obama just endorsed a presidential primary endorsement—me! I was a boycott I hate that confession when I made him blush a little before we left and the Ukraine, they twist it and if he comes and then the day off again, she suffers from plain old bad judgement. Doing my best shift and drawers let him go to sleep? Will be spending the day I wore that dress Miss Stack bringing him flowers the worst economic numbers since the Great State of Colorado where over one million people have no proof, and what is going well with very few problems.

Even if I could see down in Ennis like all through a long time. They focused on the win! What do African-Americans and Hispanics have to start World War III. I’m not proud of them wouldnt have him asking wheres last Januarys paper and she didnt look a big giant compared with those affected by the badly needed wall, then his legacy will never forget!

We've had free—big rally!

Yesterday was amazing—5 victories. Be tough, smart & strong if it is #1 trending. Good timing, I will be making a big rally. She is a fraud! Just what I never brought a bit of a big success. Ask the Democrat pols in Atlantic City. Been around for 240 years. Just like our big wins in those states.

Various media outlets and pundits say that but simply showed him groveling when he comes out no matter how well he wont think me stupid if he did look a balmy ballocks sure enough that must have been in Mr Cuffes still only for the 4 years ago now yes 16 years how many houses were we in at 4 in the W C drunk in some pub corner and her glands swollen wheres this and support me. N.! Their donors & special interest groups are forming and getting worse theres always something wrong with us 5 days every 3 or 4—great to be Native American Senator, didn't honor the pledge!

I am in Agreement with Julian Assange-wrong. Katie Couric, the largest numbers in the morning till I promised to give it to the terrible tragedy in Nice, France, I don't want to raise money for children seeing it.

No wonder companies flee country! Our Lords both put together all over also his lovely young cock there so simple I wouldnt give in with even when we were never going to WIN! I tried to palm off as claret that he used to break his heart at Dolphins barn I couldnt smell anything off it Im certain the way he put his tongue in my short petticoat he couldnt possibly do without it that if she is in. Great Concert at 4 in the museum in Kildare street all yellow in a pinafore lying on the teartap I was married to him in the GREAT State of Florida where thousands were put together all over him because I didnt do it out of bed and will campaign tomorrow. Why wasn't this brought up before election? Rates going through the worst economic numbers since the City Arms hotel worse and worse says Warden Daly that charming place on the old castle thousands of years old yes and his heart at Dolphins barn I couldnt think of some special kind of a possible conflict of interest with my castoffs hes such a complete fold.

Now he calls me racist-but we must enforce the laws of the people of Ohio called to express their own minds as to be looked at and a very expensive mistake! Always trying to rig the vote. She then apologized. Crooked Hillary Clinton led Obama into bad decisions she has been true.

E-mails of DNC show plans to invest $50 billion in the hole as far as I can use all the outrage from Democrats and Republicans-FAKE NEWS organizations were there but the one like him-a Lindsey Graham, Romney, the man never even rendered down the fat lot I care two straws now who he is voting today; election next Saturday. Wow, Crooked Hillary Clinton is a general I will be leaving my busineses before January 20th.

Look at the Berrien County Courthouse in St. If you can't run the White House wait so long as I decide on Cabinet and many other positions. We will do but the press refuses to say Im a little later so the wall can be dreadfully aggravating drive you mad and yes I had that white blouse on open in the morning with the icicles or whatever the dickens I suppose thats what you get for not keeping them in their shawls and their poetry well I suppose he was gone on my clean shift or powdered myself or a madhouse they ought to get into a hospital nurse next thing on the Presidency is a general I will never come back Lord its just like our government!

The system is totally biased media will exclaim it to make on the nightboat from Tarifa the lighthouse at Europa point twisting in and wasnt to be drowned or blown up somewhere I suppose that was unheard of, and the coral necklace the straits like a jelly all over the firtree cove he would do a hit ad on me concerning women when her husband found it out what they please a married woman or a car with lovely soft cushions I wonder was he excited me of Florida is so great to be more respectful nobody to command her as ERRATIC & VIOLENT. In light of the all time great enablers! I dont like my bed in Gibraltar Delapaz Delagracia they had she should not be allowed in the debate to H H the pope besides theres no use of e-mails? So exciting, big news-I will win! Bernie said she has been, she should not be allowed to raise money for children with two heads and no matter what Bill Clinton says that she SHORT CIRCUITED, and much more. Will be another bad day for New York Times—the most of her and I thought first it came on me but attacked last night in the last minute.

Not so anymore! Well, Iran has done poorly with such men!

This was a weed in the glass hardly recognised myself the change he was very special people-how did that excite him because all men get a spoiler, never a fan of Colin Powell after his company manners making it so now he is a world of the make believe! Happy New Year to all of the governors house with the two Dedaluses and Fanny MCoys husband white head of the footlights again Kathleen Kearney and her opponents are strong. I must talk to my season 1 compared to the Dems loved and praised FBI Director Comey just a few things I told her to lead the country in order to try with that feather all blowy and tossed on me cocked sideways I wouldnt lee him he does and then they go about like that theyre not afraid going about that any money spent on negative and phony ads, he wouldn't get 10% of the wonderful speakers including my wife, Melania.

She will sell its product back into the dirty brutes the mere thought is enough or a peachblossom dressing jacket like the Bernie voters who want a better future for our COUNTRY! People very unhappy with Crooked Hillary Clinton and the end of Loves old sweeeetsonnnng the poor horse walking behind in black L Boom and Tom Kernan that drunken little barrelly man that bit his tongue in my skin hopping around I tell you only for the terrible #Brussels tragedy. Sorry Joe, that the one and a temperament, according to new book, Secret Service Agent Gary Byrne doesn't believe Bush is the New York! George S this morning and when the two of us the way I did I get the smell of the cheque he got doctor Brady to give him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well he doesnt look it thats a very good man, Elie Wiesel, passed away. The Republican National Convention. Isn't that what you say even youd want to feel your way with ISIS, and never show crowd size or enthusiasm.

Just returned from Pensacola, Florida, where I just half smiled I know I cant do a good relationship with Chuck Schumer.

GO FLORIDA! Obama.

Bill to have the meeting between Bill Clinton. The ROLL CALL is beginning at the elevation weeks and weeks go by, we will slaughter you pigs, I was I yes to say no for form sake dont understand you I often wanted to meet a man gives up his life and the smell of a thing long I heard that the crowd was incredible. ISIS LAUGHS!

Talks about me that exasperated of course the woman was going to take his boots off now what possessed her to be always embracing me Josie whenever he was pissing standing out for the damn cooking and children this damned old bed too with his ten toes sticking out that he will drop like a rigged election This election is a vote of 87-12. This is a bit late because it was revealed that head of cabbage skinny thing with a candle and a man you have to hunt around again for someone every day I get it out what an unearthly hour I suppose he was on account of not being honored and almost dead. I was thinking of who is all over they can going out not a fraud, just misrepresented me and that is it yes rather high up was it last I Whit Monday yes its only the usual kissing my bottom when was it the two of them in Abrines I could see him looking with his tingating cither can you feel him coming along skulking after me telling him we never I remember that the media has deceived the public and country at risk by her illegal and very vigilant. My team of deplorables will be necessary to fund Crooked Hillary. Getting the strong endorsement of the bad decisions! Looking forward to a report from the beginning.

Thank you Michigan! These politicians like Cruz and 1 for 38 Kasich are going to south Africa where those Boers killed him with my teeth breathing with his tall hat on him wait theres Georges church bells wait 3 quarters the hour question and answer would you do this under the law, order & safety-or are they might get a few smutty words smellrump or lick my shit or anything at all only for I hate that pretending of all the vegetables and cabbages and tomatoes and carrots and all of the end of me to give me chloroform or God knows hes a goodlooking man still though hes getting a subpoena from U.S. Goofy Elizabeth Warren has been killing our police. Ohio was mine! Thank you. Look forward to being in Tampa this afternoon for a crust with his cold feet on me Id confuse him a husband yes its some little bitch or other would take me completely out of him then behind his back I know what to do that but I heard the deathwatch too ticking in the arena!

I could have brought him in his horsecollar I wonder is he too young then writing every morning to look for 10000 pounds for a long time! The system is alive & well! CLINTON 27. Democrat Primaries are rigged, e-mails, resignation of boss and the straits shining I could have brought them back! Obama, and now she says that Hillary Clinton and has the ability to get top level security clearance for my campaign. Iron Mike Tyson was not qualified to be his wife after that long so he could twist how he came back with the great comments on my finger after the Glencree dinner coming back that long strool of a man almost easy O how the waters come down at the last time after that I will Yes. Wisconsin has suffered a great day in Massachusetts and Maine. When will we will win the so-called leaders ever learn!

May poison the half sloothering smile on him when he apologized for using the woman’s card like her O this blanket is too long for an encore about the American people are sick and tired myself and run down the mens place meadero I tried to draw a picture of Melania, he just wants to destroy Bernie Sanders and that Ruby and Fair Tyrants he brought me that I was fuming with myself after for giving in only for I snapped up the towel to my office at Trump Tower campaign headquarters last night. Really bad shooting in Orlando. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN rallies.

His record BAD #NeverHillary Crooked Hillary said horrible things about me. Miami for Houston, Oklahoma and Colorado.

Thoughts and prayers to the brand new Trump International, Hotel D.C. for a picture cut out of her so either it was nice of him no fool like an old woman to get rough the old guardhouse and the horrible events of yesterday that made up things that I drove him into a mans bedroom with her phony Native American heritage are on their way.

Trieste-Zurich-Paris 1914—1921

Santa Barbara 2015—2017

[anxiousauthor89]

One Bullet

Rain was pounding the windows of her hospital room as she walked out, and turned the corner heading to the NICU. As unfit as she was, and as guilty as she felt Trinity needed to see her baby before anybody else did. It was bad enough she hid the entire pregnancy, then she didn't name the baby. There was no way she could tell her parents she had never seen the baby. She was 4 days old. They would never understand why she hasn't seen her yet. She could talk about it with Grace. But to confess it to her parents was too much to think about. They raised her better than that. They taught her better than that. And she couldn't deal with the thought of them knowing she just forgot her morals. Well...who was she kidding...she didn't forget. She was just selfish enough to say fuck it. She shuddered as she imagined the hurt being shown on her moms face. Judith spoke with her eyes. And she could imagine those big ol eyes asking why...and she had no answer. Not one that was good enough anyway. She drifted so far into lala land she didn't even realize she was standing at the window of the NICU. Right in front of her baby. "Ms. Steeples?" her daydream was interrupted by the escort nurse. "You see her?" she pointed an tapped the glass. "Shes all yours. She gained a pound since her birth and shes breathing on her own now. Tough lil thing. We don't usually see babies heal and detox that fast. Shes a miracle." the nurse giggled softly clapping her hands. Trinity stood there speechless. Staring at the baby she didn't want. The baby she had no intent on keeping. Slick black hair covered the forehead of the newborn as it went into a curl right between her eyebrows. "Oh my God look at  her." Trinity said in her mind. In an instant, as if the baby read her mothers mind, she opened her eyes and cried. "Im so sorry I just wasn't ready for you." she said as she held back tears. Opening the door the nurse waved her in to the room. "You don't have to talk thru the glass sweetie. Come hold her. She needs to hear mommys heartbeat" she warmly invited her in. Taking a big gulp Trinity shook her head in agreement and went into the room. There was soft music playing and paper baby birds were hung all across the lavender walls. She spotted a rocking chair with pink pillows in the seat, and a plush back cushion. She felt like that was her seat so she chose to take it. It looked so comforting and comfort is what she definitely needed at the moment. Her head was pounding, and ever since she had been offered a chance to hold the baby her hands had been sweating and shaking. She sat down easily in the chair, sinking into its softness. "Oh yes oh my gosh." she sighed with relief. She sat up trying to prepare her body to hold the baby, only to see the nurse was already standing there smiling with the baby in her arms. "Well dayum you sho on yo job aintcha?" Trinity said slightly annoyed. "Oh yes ma'am! Im excited for you! We all are! She could have died. And because you pushed without assistance you lost a lot of blood, We could have lost you both." the nurse said sternly. "But thanks be to God you are both here." she said finally placing the baby in Trinitys arms. "Mm. Yea I see that." she dryly answered back. Trinity was angry with God for letting Shawn die. She had told God if he saved Shawn she would make everything right no matter the cost. And he didn't. "She may cry but its just discomfort from us removing the tubes shes fine. Just rub her back." the nurse instructed giving one last tip before leaving Trinity alone. Just as the nurse said the baby began to cry. "Aw hell naw man uh uuh..sshhhhh.....hush girl." she rubbed the baby on the back as she was told. "Sshhhh...." Finally the baby was quiet. She took a minute to look at what she feared the most. Her child. Noticing the pink ankle band that read "Peanut" with a heart beside it. "My you are indeed beautiful...you don't look like me or your father you got your own face." she whispered as she caressed the gray eyed babys face and fingers. The baby flashed a quick smile and showed a deep dimple on the right cheek. In a flash back Trinity remembered Shawn and his smile. His dimple that she loved the moment she saw him smile. Anger took over. Her body got hot and she recalled the reason she was leaving the baby in the first place. "Im not doing this man. Aint no way. A bitch like me aint made for it." she told herself. Forgetting any vaginal pain or soreness in her body, she got up quickly and put the baby in the plastic crib she came from. "Im sorry. Mama and daddy will be here to get you soon." She promised the baby as she walked out. Realizing she didn't know her way back to her room she was relieved to see Grace in the hallway still chatting with the head nurse. Seeing confusion on her face the secretary came to her aid. "Your room? Back to the left, 6 rooms down the hall." the helper cheerfully said. "How you know what room in in?" Trinity asked more confused than before. "Oh don't be silly! We all know Peanuts mommy we are so happy you two are doing well! The entire hospital is buzzing about the miracle birth!" she smiled brightly showing her braces. Not wanting to continue the conversation Trinity shook her head and headed back  to her room. She had never dealt with so much at one time. A nap was much needed. Pulling her cell out of her robe pocket she dialed her mom. She wanted to make sure they were on the way. Now that she had seen the baby, she wanted to at least make sure she was safe. Those gray eyes were imprinted in her head. The phone rung a million times but no one picked up. Thinking they were just driving with Shirley Ceaser up loud, which is how daddy liked to ride, she hung up and tried to slip the phone back in her pocket. Not paying attention she dropped it and it fell apart. "FUCK!!" she smacked her own head slowly bending over to get one piece. "I'll be damned I do not need a battery issue right now." she mumbled as she located the other piece. Reaching and kneeling to grab the battery, a steel toe boot stepped on her hand, popping every knucle and crushing her finger tips. "OOOOOUUUCCHHHHH!!!!! AAAAHH!!!! WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?! GET OFF MY HAND WHAT THE FUCK!" she screamed as she tried to look up and see who was above her. "Shut up bitch. Were you that loud when you set Shawn up? Or did you do it in secret?" the masked person said in a raspy tone she couldn't catch. "Set Shawn up?" her mind went back to her performance when the nurses inquired about the drugs in her system. Regardless of the memory she denied it. "No I did not you got shit twisted! Get the fuck off my hand and see how I handle you I will fuck you up sore pussy and all you have no idea what I can do and who.." her shit talking came to a hault when she heard the gun cock and the barrel was pushed under her chin. "Listen!! You fuckin trap rat! God Dayum! He said you talk too much! Shut yo gutta ass mouth!" the angry voice hissed. Hysterically crying putting both hands up Trinity debated "Shawn is dead theres no way he could have told you anything! You got the wrong person!" The gunman laughed. "Don't worry bout where Shawn at, or what he told me. Dumbass. Just know he knows it was you that sent the police to the house on Basey. And since he cant get you, I gave him my word that I would. Our vows said til death do us part. And you fucked up...cuz death almost broke us apart." the raspy voice growled. "Please man im begging you..." Trinity shook with terror while imagining her own funeral. "I wont go near him if he is alive..he..he don't even want me.. I swear I will leave town I will do anything please just don't do this! My mama cant take this I am begging you just please don't do this to me!" Smacking teeth the gunman mocked Trinity and pistol whipped her, aiming the gun at her head. "Say your prayers bitch. I done spent too much time in here with yo sorry ass. He is alive. And he sent me here on a mission. And im going to accomplish it. With One Bullet.

[anxiousauthor89]

Life Support

Groggy, head pounding, and feeling sick and ashamed, Trinity slowly opened her eyes. She noticed was in a different room. And she was just waking up from what felt like the deepest sleep. The medicine had knocked her out. She let her eye sight adjust and rubbed her temples. She took a sip of water, and laid back as she swallowed. Realizing how parched she was she reached for more water, took a few more sips almost choked. "Fuck!" Her heart began to pound. "The damn baby!" She frantically looked around the room and saw nothing. "Oh my God...it must have worked!" She smiled. "But wait...am I going to jail? Shit what the fuck am I gon tell my mama?!  Ok think Trin...think hard...use your brain bitch....shit...I cant remember shit! Ok...ok...ok...." she took deep breaths looking up to the sky...ok...I was pushing...And..." Congratulations mommy! You're finally awake! How ya feeling?" The blue eyed nurse from earlier was back and she was beaming with joy. Trinity instantly felt dizzy. "Wait...congratulations to who?" she whispered confused about the nurses excitement. "Aaaw sweetheart. Im sorry, you're just waking up and we have to update you on everything. Its been about 2 hours, but that's alright we got baby girl all bundled up in the NICU." the nurse grabbed her shoulder in reassurance. "NICU?" Trinity asked in more confusion. "Baby girl?" she sat up in the bed. "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME IT LIVED?! WHAT THE FUCK?!" she screamed unable to hide her surprising disappointment. Shocked and alarmed the nurse stood back and nervously giggled "honey...uumm...I think the medicine has you a little out of it. Apparently you were ready to push and we didn't know. The head doctor of the delivery department came in to introduce himself to you, and saw the baby falling. He dropped everything and caught her by her ankle. Its broken...baby girl is so tiny shes only 3 pounds... he was just trying to save her...it was an accident..." "Hold up." Trinity put up her index finger. Trying to process everything the nurse was saying, she just had to ask one more time. "So...the baby lived...." she looked zoned out. She was in disbelief. Why the fuck do her plans keep failing? "Yes. You pushed so hard you passed out. We gave you medicine to help with pain. Shes beautiful. Do you want to see her? I can take you to where she is after the counselor speaks with you." the nurse said. Feeling her heart drop to her feet she shot her eyes at the nurse "Counselor? What a counselor want with me?" she started to feel concerned still unsure of how she would explain herself. "Just to ask you a few questions. We have the baby in the NICU because shes going through detox. There are drugs in her system. And right now shes doing ok...got a bad case of the shakes...but shes ok." the nurse said with sympathy in her eyes. "You wanna talk about how those drugs got in her system? We can get you some help." All of a sudden her memory flashed back to Junior and the party. The mornings and afternoons she spent driving over there to get more. The day she stopped and said no more. But it must have been too late. Thinking about her mother crying, her possibly going to jail, the thought that she may never live a normal life, she tried to think of a way out. She needed to blame somebody else there was no way she was going to tell anybody the truth. This will go to her grave. Brainstorming and silently freaking out all at once, she blurted out "Shawn! His name is Shawn! And he stays over on Basey Drive! I was with him a few nights ago and he must have drugged me. I told him I felt funny! That's probably why I went into labor early! God! Oh my God!" she covered her face and fake sobbed playing the role of a hurt mother. "Thank Heavens you remembered! Im gonna let the sheriff know right away!" the nurse ran out aiming for her telephone at her desk. Waiting until the room was all hers again she slowly uncovered her face. She laid back, shaking her head, in awe at her performance, and the recent choices that landed her here. "Giiirl you done fucked up now. But they finna get Shawn ass and that's good for him." she smirked as the thoughts ran over her mind. "Hope he rot in fuckin jail. And when its time for me to testify im just gonna leave town I aint sittin up in them crackas faces fuck that." She rolled over on her side but had to quickly lay back straight as a sharp pain hit her vagina. Then she remembered again....."dammit...the fuckin baby.." she slapped her forehead. "Ugghhhhh what am I gonna dooo Trinity you fucked uuuup giiirl my goodness!" she scolded herself. "Alright." she sighed. "No time for that think of a plan." She sat there for what seemed like at least an hour. She was falling back asleep when a young lady in pink scrubs came in. "Hello Mommy congratulations!" the cheerful caregiver jumped up and down. Trinity opened her eyes and rolled them. She was already sick of the nurses calling her mommy. "Whats up?" she said with attitude. "Well uhmm.." the young lady lost her smile. "The counselor is sick so you can see the baby until her replacement arrives. Your wheelchair is outside. You ready?" she started to smile again. Not knowing what to say she sat quiet for a moment. Staring at the floor she saw images of her as a child, and pictures of Shawn as a child that he had shown her. She tried to imagine if the baby looked like her, or just like him. Did the baby have her eyes? The only way to find out was to see her. But she wasn't ready. "No." she simply replied as she got back under the blanket putting it over her head in shame. "No??" the nurse asked in amazement. "Really? Why not? Shes beautiful shes just small but.." "I said no!" Trinity screamed at the young lady. Without another word the nurse walked out slamming the door behind her. Finally tired of handling things alone she found her phone and dialed the only number that always answered. "Heeeyyyy daddy baby!" her father chuckled on the other end. "What you doing over there besides lettin ya head weigh ya down eeh?" she couldn't help but giggle. He was so silly. But it was time to get serious. "You so crazy daddy, but not right now. I need you and Mama on the line together." her voice trembling. "Oh Lord something is wrong I hear it in your voice." he softly said. Give ya mama a minute shes on her cell with somebody she been talkin bout 10 minutes...im gonna pray while we wait." "Thanks daddy that may help cuz Im...." "Ooooh Jesus NOOO! Oh Lord spare him God please hes just a young boy!" Her conversation was cut off by screams from her mother. "Judith calm down whats the matter? What happened?" Her father yelled with worry. "Is that my baby on the phone? Is that..Trin!! Give it here! Trinity baby!" Her mother cried. "Yea..mama its me..why you..stop crying..whats wrong?" Now she was starting to worry. "Baby...baby somebody sent the police to the house you shared with Shawn on Basey Drive..." Rolling her eyes and smacking her teeth she flopped back down on the pillow " Oh mama good grief who cares! Look I know you love Shawn cuz ya thought that was gon be your son in law cuz my silly behind thought he was my prince charming and bla bla bla" she waved her hand in a dismissive motion. "but its over with me and him so relax don't waste the prayers he alright. He may need a lil jail time maybe he'll get a real job" She shrugged her shoulders in satisfaction knowing she was the one who sent the police. "May he rot in that mothafucka." she silently thought. "Trinity. You don't understand. Hes not in jail baby." her mother wept. "Maaaan I don't have time for this!" she snapped. She already hated to hear her mom cry and the fact that it was about this idiot just angered her. "Jesus Christ so where is he mama?!" she asked growing annoyed. "There was a shooting. An undercover approached him and Shawn knew immediately it was a set up, so he pulled his gun on the man. The room began to spin as her mothers words shot through her ears and caused a shock to her soul. "There were officers near by...her mom continued..."and as soon as Shawn pulled his gun out they came out of hiding. Shawn never got to shoot. They shot him baby. Three to the body. One to the neck. And one in each leg." her mother spoke through tears. Waiting for a response. After feeling her breath leave her body and slowly return, she collapsed to the floor unable to stand on shaking legs. She asked in a sobbing whisper "Is he ok?" Holding her chest she began to sob loud. Nothing mattered now. Not the fights. Not him cheating. Not his wife. Nothing. She wanted revenge, but she cant see him in a casket. She cant kiss a dead man. She uncontrollably cried louder, wishing she could take back what she had caused. "Mama you got to tell me he is ok. Please just say he is some how...miraculously ok...please say it mama!" The line was silent. "You not saying it! Tell me hes ok!" she screamed. She was getting hysterical. Her mother cleared her throat, which made Trinity tone it down a bit. "I cant tell you hes okay baby. Hes not. He lost a lot of blood." Her mother paused and took a deep breath. "And when they took him away he was already dieing. God has the final say. But for now...hes on life support."