#if elise was fully expecting to die in that moment

[sonknuxadow]

Speaking of that, something in 06 I don't see people talking about is the scene where Elise falls off the Egg Genesis after saying she'd rather die than be Eggman's prisoner. She seems to be kind of surprised when Sonic catches her, so she might've just planned on straight up dying there?

yeah why DOES no one talk about that. people never shut up about elise kissing sonic but what about when she almost got herself killed on purpose . hello

[colderdrafts]

13: Home safe

The Great Assembly, gender neutral reader x monster (male naga). Sfw. Previous Next

Elise lives alone in a regular sized house in the outskirts of town. It's an older brick building with a matted roof, and connected to a large unkempt garden - many things grow here, but it's clear to see Elise doesn't bother much with controlling where it grows.

The interior is a different story, however. It reminds you of a cozy farmhouse a nuclear family would visit to 'get away from it all'. Lots of earth colors, old furniture and cupboards, and a large heap of plants in every room. From the entrance is a road to the kitchen and living room, and a bathroom behind the staircase. Upstairs is another hallway, leading into three separate smaller rooms; Elise's bedroom, a guest room and a home office.

"Sometimes my brother stays over for a few days, so I put up a space for him," Elise explains while you unload your things.

You've been given the guest room, where there's an actual bed, seeing as Amren is just as comfortable on his coils, so he'll take the office.

"Pardon the mattress is a bit stiff, the wierdo likes sleeping like it's on a rock," she chuckles.

"It'll be fine," you assure her. Though when you sit down you realize she wasn't exaggerating. How a mattress can just promptly refuse to give in to you putting weight on it is something you'll have to file under 'troll things' in your mind.

Elise leaves you to get some dinner started, and you settle in. You sit back down on the brick mattress, and breathe out slowly, trying to get all the tension and dull aching in your battered body to settle for a bit. Just a little moment of calm. You’re safe.

It doesn’t work very well.

You grimace, and pull out Irwin's phone. Poor thing has run out of power. Not that you would have much use for it now, though something about letting his phone die rings an illogical guilt deep in your core. You couldn't take care of him, and now you can't even take care of his phone?

There's a knock on the door, and you welcome the distraction, getting into a sitting position. It's Amren.

"Elise says dinners ready in about an hour," he announces as he enters, but then frowns. “..Is that Irwin’s phone?”

“Yep,” you reply.

“You did not hand it to the police?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.”

He suddenly looks very tired. “Tiny, you’re not considering trying to find Irwin on your own, are you?”

Are you?

You can’t stop worrying, and for good reason. He’s missing, and you didn’t even feel comfortable collaborating with the people who are supposed to find him. What options does he have, then? You look up at Amren. “I don’t know,” you repeat.

He flicks his tongue and sighs, looking like he's trying very hard to keep from reprimanding you. He enters fully and closes the door behind him, settling in front of you. “Did what the Officer said make you think to keep it?”

You're honestly surprised at the very patient tone he's using right now. You'd expected he'd at least tell you how dumb the decision was, quip at you or something. Right now he just focuses on you and patiently waits for you to speak - it's almost like he's done this before.

Oh, right. He's a security guard. He's using his training to deal with this conversation on legality matters.

You elaborate as best as you can what you felt when talking to the Officer, going over again how something in the conversation didn’t add up. He heard it himself, but it seems he wants the full version. Amren listens intently, but he’s difficult to read.

“You realize this might make it harder for them to do their jobs and find him?” he asks.

“I do. I still don’t trust them.”

To your surprise, he just nods. “You mistrust is not entirely unfounded. What happened is.. odd. I don't necessarily agree with the decision, but until we know for sure, perhaps you should hold on to it."

"I know it's dumb, but I can't just hand it over not knowing what I'm giving to who," you frown. "It feels like taking one of Irwin's chances away."

He studies you for a beat. "Let me know if you change your mind."

He uncoils himself again, and goes for the door. He looks back over at you with his hand on the doorknob, nodding at the phone in your hands. "Don't leave that thing in plain sight all the time, Tiny. It'll just make it worse."

With that, he silently leaves and closes the door behind him.

"Thanks for the pep-talk," you mutter under your breath.

An hour to spare gives you time to shower and get some clean clothes on. Amren helps you re-wrap fresh bandages at the dinner table while Elise sets it.

"Thank the stars," Elise comments. "It was bad enough to have one snake stinking up the place, we didn't need two."

"Two?" you ask. "What are you talking about?"

Elise looks at you for a beat then her eyes widen. "Right! Sorry. Yeah, you reeked of Amren a bit ago. It's gone now, thankfully. You must have huddled pretty close to the fire for that level'o stank, tho."

You try not to get too offended at the prospect that you've apparently been stinking up the place, chasing away any slight embarrassment as you know exactly how that might have happened.

Amren scoffs and butts in before you can say anything.

"May I remind you I did not come here at my own volition? You dragged me here. It's your own fault it smells like me in here now." He carefully secures the bandage with claspers on your arm, sideeying her. "And you're not the best smelling individual yourself, Elise."

Elise stares at him for a beat before she splutters and laughs. "No need to get on the offensive big guy, just an observation!" she holds up her palms in a placating gesture, but her face shows only amusement. "Horse crackers, what are you so on the fence about?"

"What do you mean I 'Reek'?" you ask, halting Amren's retort.

He glares warningly at Elise, and then turns his attention to you. "I must have rubbed off on you while we were out and about," he replies. "It happens."

"Especially when it's put there on purpose," Elise trails off, nodding sagely.

Amren finishes securing the last of your bandage, ignoring her. He gently rotates your arm to check his work before he releases you, satisfied. "Done."

"Thanks," you say, expertly moving on to change the topic. "Is it a general thing with smelling each other all the time for you guys? In that case, pardon the forest don't really offer much in terms of bathing."

"Ah, no no, don't you worry, regular hum stink ain’t so bad, kinda tame honestly," Elise says, and hesitates before continuing, "all those perfumes you insist on wearing however, they're terrible. All of them. No offense."

She starts setting plates on the table. You get up to help her, but she shoots you a stern look that roots you back to your seat wordlessly.

Amren nods in agreement. "I cannot figure you out with them. It's like they're cloaking you from my senses, I can't tell what's going on with you when you wear them," he flicks his tongue as if to underline the fact.

"Perfume? Really? You prefer we go around stinking of sweat?"

"Yes," Amren says flatly, "though the neutral soaps you use are an adequate alternative. A bit off putting at first, but a few hours later you're back at a tolerable level."

You snort. You're not unfamiliar with the whole social stigma on how to smell nice with a wide variety of opinions, however with stronger sense you suppose it makes sense to dislike the stronger smells of perfume.

"Do all mons feel like that, and you've just been too polite to tell us?" you ask, somewhat amused.

"Nah, not all of us. For example, some fae love that stuff. The more you can smell like a bottle of concentrated flower-incense the better," Elise chuckles, setting a big steaming pot on the table, while Amren moves some plates out of the way, "I remember shortly after the Assembly, mons with stronger senses shared that annoying 'Hum Perfum''-thing. It was both funny and stupid. Perfume was obviously important to a lotta hums, so the meme quickly died down and we learned to deal."

Elise begins pouring a gracious amount of a hearty looking vegetable stew up on two plates, and sets them to herself and you. Your mouth waters at the sight of food that hasn't come out of a can. She then fishes out a separate smaller pot and dumps the contents on a plate for Amren. It's a healthy serving of some kind of deboned cooked meat, though it smells delicious.

"You didn't have to bother removing the bones, I can digest them just fine," Amren says.

"That's his way of saying 'thank you'," Elise winks at you, "my pleasure, Mr. Grumpy."

She grins, effectively bringing Amren's neutral expression back into a scowl.

Dinner is delicious, and you have a pleasant time chatting mostly with Elise. The flow of conversations comes pretty easy in her company, and though you're still tired, it's nice to have a distraction. Elise was right in affirming you needing company after this, your isolated apartment would just have let you sit and mull over your thoughts, worried. The down-to-earth atmosphere, the rustic vibes and your two current co-habitors provides you a sense of safety you would never have gotten at home.

Elise hurriedly sends you off to bed afterwards, though, refusing your argument that you should at least help with the dishes. You foolishly look to Amren for support, and he flat out tells you you look terrible and should sleep.

So here you are in the dark, trying to settle in on the stiff mattress, yet not being able to sleep. Fleeting images of the past nights events still intrude in your mind, bone crunching, snapping teeth, red eyes chasing you through the dark - you shudder under the covers. It's like your body doesn't want to rest, that it shouldn't. What if something happens while you're under?

You hear movement outside, and it seems Elise and Amren have finished downstairs. You get a tidbit of their conversation as they approach the foot of the stairs;

"-not sure how they just forgave me that easily. I feel so guilty," comes Elise's voice.

"Elise, even you should know that that doesn't make any sense. Why are you wasting energy on something you can't fix?" Amren says.

Elise growls in annoyance. "Because of exactly that, you insensitive slab of rocks. I can't fix it, and it's tearing me apart."

There's silence for a bit.

"..I see," Amren mutters.

Elise huffs. "Anyway. It's nice to finally see you break out of your shell a little bit," she says, changing the topic. "You're a lot different here than at the company."

"I'm at work at the company. Of course it's different," he replies. "And I wouldn't say it's as much me 'breaking out' as the hum trying to shatter me with a hammer."

Elise snickers. "Well, it worked, didn't it?" he doesn't reply, so she continues. "Genuinely apologizing? Getting defensive on their behalf? It's been barely a week and you're already a changed person."

He grumbles unintelligibly under his breath so you can't make it out, but whatever it was makes Elise stifle a spluttering laugh, mindful not to 'wake' you.

Elise says goodnight, Amren growls something, and you hear two doors opening and closing in the hallway. You lie silently in the dark with a sort of odd feeling.

About two days pass at Elise's house like this. There's not much to do out here, but the calmness of the area helps you clear your mind of the past days' troubles and focusing on healing. Mrs. Hansen has, true to her word, sent out a widespread notice for all workers that the company will remained closed until further notice while the investigation is undergoing. There are still no news of Irwin's whereabouts, and the constant gnawing worry in your stomach never really goes away.

You have come to loathe sitting still inside the house, so you distract yourself by spending most of your time in Elise's garden, wandering the paths through years of overgrowth. Despite the haphazard distribution of branches and leaves, it's rather peaceful. Your arm still aches from time to time, but it's healing nicely and the pain is at tolerable levels.

Elise spends most of her time tending to smaller projects around the house, and Amren occupies himself either wandering around the area or reading coiled up in a corner of the veranda. You've noticed despite what he sets out to do, he is somewhat always within earshot of you, like he’s scared a harpy will swing by a pluck you off the ground.

Your evenings are spent with board games and idle conversation, and the small reprieve is welcome in your current situation - but you can't truly feel at ease when you're still worried for your friend. It feels almost shameful to just hide away in an idyllic house while he's somewhere out there in danger.

Once again your nights are restless, the images of horrifying memories wont leave you alone. They’re clawing into your mind as if just daring you to try and forget them. Irwin's drunken promise rings through your head, clear as day; "I would do. Anything for you".

You wake up more than one time in a cold sweat, breathing hard to still your rampaging thoughts, murmuring of guilt, fear and worst of all, anticipation. The lack of answers and the lack of news on the situation keeps in a constant loop of anxiety - worry for Irwin, and for yourself.

You can't stay hidden here forever. But what happens when you finally go back to your own apartment?

"They're looking for someone just like you" Mira's honey sweet voice echoes in your mind, both a promise and a threat. It makes you shiver.

Who is? And why? Are they the same people who took Irwin?

Sighing, you haul yourself out of bed yet again. Maybe getting some water would help calm you down.

On the way out you pass by Irwin's phone laying on the desk and hesitate for a moment. You've been avoiding approaching it for a while now, not really ready to face what's happened - but Irwin is trapped somewhere on the other side of your hesitation, and you once again reprimand yourself for allowing him to wait. Maybe fiddling with it isn't the best idea in your current state of being, but if there's any inkling of answers or closure..

You grab it and start rummaging around your backpack for a charger - but when you fail to find it feeling around, you give in to tired impatience and simply dump the contents on the floor. Rested you can deal with the outcome.

You still don't spot your charger, but you do spot something else in the dark.

A small green leaf is sticking out from under your spare pair of shorts that is now unceremoniously lying on the floor. Your first thought is it's perhaps a leafy hitchhiker you somehow managed to pick up from the forest, and go to pick it off of your clothes - though its stem is golden, it has four petite leaves and it is completely intact despite its haphazard journey as a stowaway in your backpack.

You're holding one of the two golden clovers.

[rickie-the-storyteller]

Happy Storyteller Saturday!!!

What are the things that you would say make your character's skin crawl?

If you had to describe that one moment in your characters' past that changed everything for them - for better or for worse - in a few words and without spoiling anything, what would it be?

Tell me: what are the best things in your characters' life and what is their general view of the world around them?

Happy Storyteller Saturday to you too.

This is another really fascinating question... and it's also something I didn't really think about deeply for every single one of them lol. Like Steph, for instance... she doesn't typically get squeamish or frightened by things. Most of the things that she fears are kind of internal, emotional stuff. Like, she's afraid of fully opening up to people, she's afraid of being vulnerable. She's afraid of showing others her whole self. That's why she tends to avoid any mega-deep conversations. It's also why she never really had friends before she moved to London (well, that as well as the fact that she's never really stayed in one place before, so it would be difficult to maintain strong relationships that way lol). This kind of changes once she gets with Ben, though (at least to some degree lol. Old habits die hard... but I guess it's a good thing, since good strong relationships are kind of about being able to comfortably communicate and this often includes being vulnerable).

Something I wrote for Alice which I think sort of counts as a "skin crawling" thing is that she's afraid of the creepy crawlies. Like spiders, flies, daddy-long-legs, etc. This is the exact opposite of Mary, her twin sister. Because of that, Mary, unfortunately, is the designated insect killer/pest control person in their house (she's the one that's responsible for taking care of the bugs. Story of my life growing up 😆).

(More below)

Now, in terms of big character moments that change their lives, I definitely have more to say on all that. Let's go!

Stephanie

Having both her parents abandon her as a small child (haven't really gone into her backstory too much, but yeah... she lost both her parents. That's how she got in foster care 😔)

Moving to London and meeting her current group of friends

Staying with her latest foster family, the Spencers (Melanie's family)

Meeting Ben and eventually getting with him

Melanie's death (duh)

Running away from home and moving in with Ben

Stephanie essentially goes with the whole idea of "Carpe Dium." She's used to instability, so now she just takes everything in stride. She doesn't prepare for anything, she doesn't go through life with super high expectations. She's just having fun living life. Which kind of sounds cynical in a sense (and it leads to some reckless behaviour and questionable choices), but she finds that this mindset is actually kind of liberating. She never gets disappointed by people or circumstances. She never lets herself get hurt. She's free. At least, she believes that she's free.

Bret

Going to a Coldplay concert when he was 7

His uncle Gordon giving him a kit of music production equipment for his 10th birthday, kickstarting his passion for music and songwriting

Getting an A in his first big music project (in music production)

Losing his parents in a car accident (which lead to him having to move in with his aunt)

Bret is kind of indifferent to everything lol. Losing his parents really hit him hard, and made him feel like nothing could make him feel even the slightest bit better. So he stopped caring. He stopped caring enough to try. He's like, "nothing is ever going to change anyway, so why bother?" Which is obviously a bad way to think. Part of his character arc is shifting this negative mentality, and growing into a stronger, better and happier person.

Elise

Losing her grandparents (she was really close to them)

Adam accidentally impregnating his high school girlfriend, Grace (which lead to her actually getting banned from dating in high school herself - her parents are really strict and protective of their kids, and they wanted to avoid a similar thing happening to her)

Adam getting kicked out of the house (Elise is super close to her brother, so it hurt a lot to not have him around with her anymore)

Having to leave her choir due to teasing and bullying surrounding Adam's little incident

Elise is interesting because she goes through a lot of difficult things, but she appears to have her life completely together. She seems like a really happy girl. Because she is. She has this positive mindset through all her challenges, and this is kind of what pulls her through everything she faces. She goes into everything with an open mind, an open heart, resilience and optimism that she will be ok in the end (I wish I had that superpower lol).

Dylan

Discovering the TV show, "Lazy Town" back when he was 4. He was a huge fan back in his primary school days lol (may sound silly, but this kind of what kickstarts his passion for sports, exercise and just general healthy living. Plus, I wanted to include a small aspect of my childhood into his character lol. That show was so much fun, and it does a good job of showing kids how to create a good balance in life)

His parents getting a divorce (I can say from experience that this is hella rough on everyone involved... especially with shared custody. Always being dragged here and there, missing one parent while you're staying at the other's, etc)

Mum getting engaged to someone new (Dylan's storyline is basically him and his father and brother coming to terms with the fact that his mother is remarrying someone that isn't his dad, and the fact that she is moving away with her new guy. Heavy stuff)

Dylan is sort of similar to Steph with the whole "Carpe Dium" thing. However, he is a little bit more thoughtful and careful than she is. I mean, they're both reckless (ad they have a few parallels in their arcs, too, like running away from their families due to not getting that warm feeling of love and security and support that they need from home), but almost everything Dylan does has some sort of reason behind it, even if it's kind of flimsy. You can tell that he puts thought into his decision-making, even to the point where he'll ask for advice, while Stephanie tends to just make choices at a whim.

Alice

Going to her first dance lesson at age 6 (she's a very skilled dancer and still trains a lot to this day)

Moving to the UK (from the United States. Specifically from Dallas, Texas, which, fun fact: I have a few uncles and cousins that live there! So I've been there a few times. It's great!)

Alice just gets through life by laughing at everything lol. I've mentioned that she masks her insecurity with humour. Well, humour is how she deals with pretty much everything. She makes herself laugh at the really tough stuff she has to face and deal with on a regular basis. She finds the stupidity in everything. She's super pessimistic and cynical, but she rolls with it. Again, I wish I had this super power...

Fun fact: I got this idea from Lorelai from Gilmore Girls! Here's the specific clip:

[fatesdeepdive]

Entry 73: Takumi Commits Suicide So He Doesn’t Have To Be In This Shitty Game

You know what’s nice? There are only four more non-DLC playable classes left, meaning I don’t have to talk about women not wearing pants anymore. Unless the DLC classes are really sexist. I hope they aren’t.

Class Profile - Strategist

A promotion for Troubadours that wields Staves and Tomes. Class of Daniela, possible promotion for Elise, Dwyer, and Forrest. Normally, this class is called Valkerye, but they renamed it because this game removed gender discrimination. Rally Resistance rallies resistance and Inspiration buffs nearby allies with extra damage dealt and less damage taken. Strategists are actually pretty good for a Nohrian mounted class; I mean, there design is lame and has these stupid pope hats, but the women wear pants!

Class Profile - Swordmaster

A promotion for Samurai with superior sword skills, continuing their speed and skill based glass canon playstyle. Class of Ryoma, possible promotion for Hana, Hinata, and Hisame. In addition to inate boosts to Avoid and Crit, they learn Astra, an activation skill that causes them to strike five times at half damage for an effective 2.5 damage, and Swordfaire, which boosts sword damage. Design wise, they're more heavily armored Samurai with two swords.

Class Profile - Wolfssenger

A promotion for Wolfskin that is basically the same class. Possible promotion for Keaton and Velouria. Better Odds heals them on odd numbered turns, while Grisly Wound, a skill shared with Nine Tails, damages enemies an extra 20% after battle. Their design is amazing, giving them a black and red color scheme that extends to their wolf forms, which now appear as monstrous black wolves with blood red claws and glowing eyes.

Class Profile - Wyvern Lord

A promotion for Wyvern Riders that wields Axes and Lances. Class of Scarlet, possible promotion for Beruka and Percy. Rally Defense and Swordbreaker do what you'd expect. The design for Wyvern Lords is pretty good, armored warriors with dragon shaped helmets.

Conquest Chapter 23: Possessed

After the events of last chapter, Sakura has been left completely traumatized. She’s still alive, thanks to Moron kidnapping her off-screen, but refuses to talk. Which makes sense, considering she a goddamn fifteenish-year old who just watched dozens of men be executed. Add this to the list of shit Moron does in this route.

Azura mentions that Moron’s attempts to spare Sakura have split the army in two factions, one loyal to Xander and one loyal to Garon. Moron does not make any attempt to use this massive army to stop Garon because Moron fucking sucks.

Iago sends Moron’s platoon to take the Great Wall of Suzanoh, a massive wall around the Hoshidan Capital that Moron somehow didn’t notice until now. Iago warns Moron that the leader of the troops at the wall is Takumi, who Garon insists Moron kills. The moment Moron leaves, Iago talks to himself about how he wants Moron to suffer, because Iago’s a fucking clown.

This map is great, charging this massive wall filled with strong enemies. It’s an awesome chapter that kicked my ass. I play on Casual, which is good, because by the end, the only units left standing were Moron, Felicia, Niles, and Keaton. Takumi’s retainers fight on the ground, while Takumi stays on a perch and snipes your units from half a map away with a ballista. This chapter, much like Chapter 10, is everything great about Conquest and also everything terrible.

After the battle, Takumi yells at Moron, screaming that no one would have had to die and that they could’ve been a family if Moron hadn’t gone back to Nohr. As he sobs, Takumi is surrounded by a purple aura, the same as those that surround the ghost soldiers. Takumi says that he’ll save Hoshido, even without Yato, and jumps off the edge of the great wall to avoid being taken prisoner. Moron rushes to the bottom of the wall, but doesn’t find a body.

Parts of this game’s story aren’t fully explained if you only play one route. For example, Leo turning on Nohr in Birthright only makes sense if you know about Azura’s deus ex machina crystal ball in Conquest. In Birthright, Takumi was possessed after falling in the Bottomless Canyon. This possession was cured by Azura’s song. In this route, because Azura never saved Takumi, the possession festered, feeding on Takumi’s rage and turning him into a shell of himself. As much as I hate Conquest, I will admit its portrayal of Takumi is decent.

Support: Effie/Xander

C: Effie asks Xander about her relationship with Elise and if there's anything that makes her unhappy. Effie says she will protect Elise and that she is upset about the fact she isn't growing stronger when she trains. Xander theorizes she's reached her level cap and suggests she train with Arthur.

B: The training is interrupted when lightning hits Arthur because god hates him.

A: Xander challenges Effie to a fight and wins because Effie can't bring herself to fight her superior. Xander tells her she must be able to do the impossible for Elise. Effie doesn't get this Support in Birthright, that's why she doesn't just smash Xander's skull in before he kills Elise.

S: Xander proposes by ordering Effie to build him a castle.

Review: An okay Support. It shows Effie’s dedication, but is kinda all over the place and doesn't do much with Xander.

Support: Laslow/Mozu

C: A girl drugs Laslow and ties him to a tree. Mozu finds him and unties him. Laslow promises to plant trees with Mozu, so she calls him cool. It goes straight to his head.

B: The saplings wilt. Moze gets sad because she can't ask the other farmers she grew up with what to do. Because they all died. Laslow comforts her and mentions that he's been through the same pain.

A: Laslow works his ass off and saves the dying trees. Mozu says she can complain to her and he says he doesn't share his problems because he's cool. Mozu tells him that toxic masculinity is a prison.

S: Laslow proposes with flowers from Mozu's village. It's sweet.

Review: A really good Support that downplays Laslow’s lecherousness and instead focuses on his kindness and tragic past. Well done.

Support: Corrin/Selena

C: Selena asks Corrin if they've seen her yukata. Specifically, the one from the fanservice hot springs DLC for Fire Emblem Awakening. Which is canon, I guess. Which means the fanservice beach DLC is also canon, because that one is mentioned by Chrom at the start of Hot Springs Scramble.

B: Selena describes the yukata, confirming that it is the one from Awakening. She briefly mentions her mother Cordelia, who she couldn't live up to, also she's dead but Selena's over it.

A: Selena apologizes for wasting Corrin's time and decides to make new Yukatas for her and Corrin.

S: Selena gives Corrin a Yukata and bullies him into proposing.

Review: This is just four conversations of Selena acting tsundere. And I’m too busy thinking about the fact that the echi DLC are canon to care. Is this game’s beach DLC canon? Is Heroes canon?

Support: Benny/Keaton

C: Keaton gives Benny a dead bat as a gift. Benny, in addition to being horrified, is confused as why Keaton isn't scared of him.

B: Benny asks if Keaton is mocking him by hanging out with him.

A: Benny apologizes, having realized that Keaton just wants to be friends.

Review: A solid support. Keaton not being afraid of Benny is a great idea, but it doesn’t really go anywhere.

[agoddamn]

While it's completely right Marks was toned down and it's what causes inconsistencies (fuck, there is no "little princess" in jp, it's just "Kamui" I don't think it goes as far as being terrifying. With the dancers Marks is not there, Leon lies because who he knows for sure would kill him is Garon. Leon himself in fact is very sanitized, when he solves the issue with the prisoners in eng he says he doesn't agree with killing them /1

In jp he says he agrees with killing them, but seeing Kamui sad saddens his sisters. It's more likely he expected Marks to get Kamui out of the way and just kill the prisoners. As much as it's his tsundere "I worry about you" you can really see his model not move until Camilla and Elise start pleading. As for Elise, I think it's self worth issues. Leon's jp dying quote is "I can't die because it will make nii-san and nee-san sad"

Well, I don't mean 'faintly scary' as in terrifying so much as...it's supposed to be genuinely a relief when he sides with you in the end. You're not supposed to be sure he's in your corner. You're not totally sure which way he's going to go until the moment of truth. He's supposed to be a figure of some uncertainty that you can't fully trust early on.

[leonawriter]

Stray Dogs and Tiger Cubs (pt.18)

Also on AO3

Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs

Characters: Dazai, Kunikida, Atsushi, Kyouka.

...

"....What're you doing?"

If he'd asked any of the staff at the orphanage such a question, he would have been ignored, shouted at, or worse. But he was coming to realise that no one here was like that - and there was something about being held and supported by Da-san like that even while Da-san was angry, that made him feel at a level deeper than he could begin to think up the words for, that Da-san would never do any of those things.

So now here he was, the morning after his first proper sleep in days, standing up on his tip-toes to try and see what was going on.

"Kunikida-kun's hounding me for a report on my side of what happened in the past few days," Da-san said, sounding like he was mumbling because he had his arms on the desk and his head on his arms and he wasn't speaking clearly, which was something else the orphanage staff would never have done. "I don't wanna."

"You're going to have to do it sooner or later, and since we're going to be dealing with the mafia because of your actions, I'd prefer sooner."

"Yosano can write it."

"Yosano has already written her report."

"Atsushi-chan... at some point, you're going to have to learn how to write a report of your own. What do you say to starting now?"

Atsushi blinked, eyes going wide at the very real responsibility and barely hearing Kunikida's angry shouting, until he remembered something important.

"But... Da-san, I- I don't... I haven't learned some of these kanji yet..."

"Eh?" Da-san blinked at him, as if he didn't understand. Atsushi blinked back. Da-san lifted up his head, and looked over at Kunikida, and his the look on his face making Atsushi wonder if he'd said something wrong. "Kunikida-kun. He's still learning his kanji." 

That was what he'd just said. He'd been keeping up at the same rate as everyone else at the orphanage, even with... everything else... or he'd thought so, at least. Did this mean he should have somehow-

"Of course he is, Dazai," Kunikida was saying, "he should still be in school, but you took care of that-"

Kunikida stopped, and Atsushi jumped at a knock on the door.

...

I saw this kid and the next thing I knew I was running from the place with a kid under my arm, getting into a car and telling the driver to floor it, were the words Chuuya had used to sum up his rescue of Atsushi. Which made the entire event sound more like a theft, or a kidnapping, than a rescue.

In essence, at least as Dazai had seen it, it had been no different from what Odasaku might have done, the way he'd saved those few children from the war zone of the Dragon's Head Conflict. 

In the direct aftermath, he hadn't put such words to his actions, still running on a form of adrenaline, expecting - somehow - that sooner or later the problem of who would look after Atsushi now would be taken out of his hands.

He hadn't thought about where Atsushi would stay, other than that he was sure that eventually the boy would be able to control himself, somehow.

He hadn't thought about schooling, barely even remembering his own childhood well enough to know what a child that young would or wouldn't know, only that  by the time he'd been fourteen and wanting to die, and Mori had found him, he'd known everything he'd needed to in order to be seen as an asset to the mafia.

He hadn't tensed in the presence of police for over a year now, and yet - here they were, in his place of work, his place of safety, and he...

"Huh? Is this girl... with the Agency?"

There were too many things that could go wrong. Even as the President defended Kyouka's presence, Dazai noticed them looking over in his direction as well, where Atsushi's hand had started to clench tightly onto the overhanging fabric of his waistcoat, as if Atsushi was afraid to be taken away.

"And talking of kids, isn't this the same one who you guys took along to that murder investigation? I thought it was weird back then, that a kid would be out of school like that, but..."

"Atsushi-chan's mine!" Or - at least, that's what he heard himself say, as brightly as he might once have asked his enemies to kindly die, and save him the trouble of killing them. "Isn't that right, Atsushi-chan?"

Atsushi, for his part, nodded without letting go.

...

He sighed as soon as they'd left - perfectly nice people, he was sure, which meant that it was nothing personal at all that he simply didn't want them anywhere near him for the time being. The problem was nowhere near solved, but at least, for the moment, they had a little more time.

Kunikida was staring at him. He had barely stopped staring at him ever since he'd said those words - Atsushi-chan is mine - and it'd only become more obvious once the police had gone and his reaction wasn't going to sabotage Dazai's efforts.

It wouldn't be so bad if it was just Kunikida, but... he could feel other eyes on him as well.

Overall, it made him feel as though he had just taken his shirt off in the middle of the summer heat, leaving his bandages fully on display - uncomfortable, with the specific sense that people were about to start asking invasive questions.

"Come, Atsushi-chan. We're going out!"

He pushed his chair out and stood, stretching, and reached over for his coat.

"Wait- hey! Dazai, you still haven't written that report!"

"I'm going to be the one to handle most of the relations between the Agency and the mafia anyway, so it's not as if the report can't wait," he called back airily. "So there's no harm in taking Atsushi out for some fresh air while we know no one's going to be coming after him, yes?"

"How do we even know that? And why would you be the one to handle things between the Agency and the mafia in the first place of all people?! Oi, Dazai-"

"If Atsushi-chan is going somewhere, then I'm coming, too," a quiet voice added, Kyouka speaking up for the first time that morning as he went for the door. "Protecting him is the new assignment that Nakahara-san gave me, after all."

"Right, right... ah! I just remembered. This is perfect timing. The report has to wait at least until I've come back! Kyouka-chan, you can be the go-between."

"You can talk to him yourself."

"Only if I absolutely have to."

They leave before Kunikida can ask what he means by that - if he can put off explaining himself for a little while longer, he will - but's only once they're out of the building, having wished Kenji well on his own investigation, and gone halfway down the street when Kyouka asks what they're really out for.

"Several things," he admits to the two children, who are both listening intently to him. "One is to get the rest of the information I was after in the first place. Two, scouting out places that would work as neutral meeting spots, and..."

"And?"

While Kyouka was more than capable of walking along on her own, Atsushi - who up until now had simply held onto his coat - had his hand, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd held the hand of someone so small, and it was enough to make him pause.

Atsushi trusted him. Against everything that everyone else had said, that one thing - and Odasaku's words still echoing in the back of his mind - was enough to make him not let go, and simply adjust his grip.

"Books!" Atsushi's eyes lit up, which was a good sign. "We need to find some that are Atsushi-friendly." He could hardly just leave his own favourite books just lying around, either. 

Then again, it wasn't like he knew what sort of books children of Atsushi's age tended to read; the only children in his general age group he'd come into contact with had been... Elise, and Q. And neither of those two could exactly be considered a benchmark for a normal child under any circumstances, which aside from the entire tiger issue, Atsushi was.

The three of them are halfway into their third bookshop when a car alarm goes off in the distance, and then a loud noise, followed by several other loud noises. Kyouka's hand is inching toward her blade when another alarm joins the first.

"Nothing to worry about," Dazai says, hand on Atsushi's shoulder when he realises the boy has tensed up. "Kenji-kun was heading out around the time we were, so he's probably just finishing up around now."

"That's... finishing up?"

"You shouldn't underestimate the Detective Agency, Kyouka-chan."

"I... see."

"Now, how about this one?"

The contemplative look on her face vanishes, replaced by a slight frown.

"You can't just get Atsushi-chan books that have tigers on them, Dazai-san."

"Hm, you're right. It is the wrong colour."

He puts the book back, and picks out another one, this time with a properly white tiger.

[dia-luneris]

Pain

-

Lady and Damien had reported to The Holy See, and as expected, their posts were at Falcon's Nest. It was decided that the rest of their party were free to help, but they would have to step back if asked.

-

House Luneris had also received a missive from House Lemarque, asking for Damien to make himself present at their household. He had no choice but to comply, so made his way there.

The tea tray rattled as the maid carried it over. She placed it down, onto a table of black wood, before excusing herself swiftly. Damien Luneris sat back, in a velvet lined armchair. It would have been comfortable, if he were able to relax. But this was not the case. 

His fiance had seated herself in an identical chair, beside the fireplace. "I knew you would return to me. When the call to arms was sent out, I knew it would only be a matter of time". She was still ever the beauty, her slim figure dressed in pristine white silk. Another attendant poured both her mistress, and their guest, a cup of tea each.

The tea was set down, and the girl departed. "I would have come back sooner, had I been in Ul'Dah at the time. The letters were old by the time we had read them. Have you been well? Were you actually involved, in any of the fighting?" Damien asked, picking up his cup. The steam curled, forming patterns in the air. 

Elise dipped her head "Yes, I was. How kind of you to ask. It was not difficult, fighting off heretics, and their dravanian pets. Although their master has awakened now. Will you fight alongside me, if need be?". Damien obliged "Of course I would"

"As a comrade, or as my husband?" she had made it a point to ask, holding onto her cup, waiting. The question caused Damien to freeze in place. Elise skimmed over his silence "When the war is over, I will ask you to remain here, with me. I have waited long enough". 

"You have" Damien responded, finally. 

"Will you put them aside, your friends? Will you put her aside? If I ask?" The request was genuine, and with good reason. But it was difficult for him to process "Are you asking now?" was all he could manage. The reply irritated her "Yes I am asking now". Her grip tightened on her cup, burning the palms of her hands. She winced, ignoring the pain. 

Damien returned his cup to the table, and sat himself back down. He took a moment to think on her words. "I will stand by your side. They will have to manage, without me". It seemed good enough. 

Elise placed her cup on a smaller table, nearer to her seat. "Promise me, that you will. I need to hear it". Her reddened palms began to cool, through the use of her magic. She waited. "I promise you. I will stay with you" He uttered the words, but he did not feel them.

Elise got herself up from her chair, and walked delicately over to him. Her platinum hair fell down onto her shoulders, in ringlets, and her lips were reddened. She looked down on him, her ruby eyes full of love. "That is all I wanted to hear from you, my dear". 

He watched her lean down, and felt her lips upon his. He tolerated it at best. He knew that the real reason why she wanted this so badly, was because he looked like his father. 

She pulled away from him, slowly. Breaking him out of his train of thought, she struck him hard, across the face. Elise reeled away from him "You don't love me!!" Damien felt his face, stinging from the slap. "You never have!!" she screamed.

"No. I haven't" He finally admitted to it. He may as well come clean, knowing he deserved the slap. He had played his part up until this point, but now he was done. He stood up "And you have never loved me, so I suppose we're even". 

Elise began to laugh, bitterly "Oh, now that is where you are wrong. I did love you. At first yes, I was using you, but you were kind to me. You actually seemed to care. Was it all a lie?". Damien exhaled "Yes. All of it. How could you expect me to love you? A woman who would sell out my family in a heart beat, for her own gain?" 

Elise glared at him "A woman uses what tools she has. It is a pity I could not get more use out of this arrangement. But it does not matter now" she turned, walking over towards the fireplace. She busied herself casting, turning to him once more. Elise had a shard of ice suspended in her hands now. 

What she had not anticipated, was that he had brought forth a ball of flame into his palm. She flung the ice forwards, launching it towards his arm. At the same time, he fired at her, aiming for her legs. The ice shard impaled his left arm, and the woman's skirts went up in flame. She screamed in shock, but quickly put out the inferno, before it could consume her. 

Her being the more experienced mage, would make this a challenge. She was now furious, sending spikes of ice through her tiled floor, into his path. Damien shifted to one side, avoiding them. The chair he had been sat on, was destroyed. He righted himself, and hurled another fire ball her way. It crashed against a wall of ice she had erected before herself.

Elise panted. She had cast three spells in succession, with no cast time, and it had taken a lot out of her. She could see her target, through the distortion of the ice. Damien made his way over to her, realizing that she was spent for the moment. 

The woman stepped away from her barrier, her legs trembling. She rested her hands against her coffee table "It appears I have tired myself out... I should have known better". Damien was apprehensive, but allowed himself closer to her. He rested a hand upon her shoulder "This is done. If you drop everything, I will have no reason to harm you". 

The woman nodded, recognizing when she was out of sorts "Would you really harm me?" she asked weakly. Damien sighed "Only if I had to..." Elise turned, sharply.

Damien could feel an impact, a pain shot through him. He looked down, seeing the knife, the blood spreading across his coat.

Elise looked up at him, smiling "I wish I could say the same about you..."

At that moment, a maid burst in, hearing the commotion, and wanting desperately to calm things down "My Lady, please!" she saw the knife, and her eyes widened, her screaming in fear. Elise became distracted by the girl, glaring at her. Damien took the chance to leave. He was able to brush passed the maid, and out of the manor.

-

"My Lord!" Damien could hear the voice, but was quite unable to answer. The person calling out to him was a household guard of Lady Stefania's family. She could see the blood, and her eyes traveled up to the knife "Oh gods..." The man collapsed, her barely having time to grab hold of him. She clung to him, not having the strength to fully support him.

"If you die... my Lady will never forgive me" she whispered, stood in the snow.

-

[imagine-that-one-thing]

Styles Towers’. || 17

Hope you’re wearing your best clothes.

Harry. 

When you die, your brain tends to shut down starting from the top, claiming the most human characteristics first. Then, as the wave of blood-starved brain cells spreads out, the memory and language centre shorts out, until you’re left with just a core.

They say it feels like you’re floating— maybe falling— before your life sort of flashes before your eyes, but not like how movies portray it. It doesn’t happen in chronological order.

You don’t relive your beginning, middle and end like a novel— no.

I don’t know how I can explain it, I don’t think I have the capability of it. At first, Elise’s face was branded into my thoughts; I heard her lovely voice calling my name— and then my whole universe was black. And it stayed black for quite a while. But it didn’t bother me, I liked it. It was peaceful and rejuvenating.

There wasn’t a pressure weighing down on me anymore, nothing devastating loomed over my head.

A sweet serenity.

My peacefulness ran out eventually,  and I began to experience what quite possibly were the best moments of my life, for the second time.

The first was Elise’s smile: glowing beautifully like a thousand songs, it brought light to my dead world. When I first saw her smile, my heart stopped, in the most wonderlust way possible. Her smile was radiant and captivating, of one like an angel. Now, her smile is like coming up for fresh air after drowning in a deadly tragedy, still beautifully captivating but more empowering. From there, all I observed were things I had enjoyed: blissful moments with my mother, sister, and Elise.

The times that seemed to brighten my vision and warm the feeling inside me weren’t the ones I’d expect to feel the most from. When I associate myself with dying, I expected it to be like taking my last breath and slipping away into a state of peacefulness. What I didn’t expect was to feel nothing yet everything all at once; pain, sorrow, happiness and regret.

I didn’t expect to feel the most happiness at the moment I did, it was not when I proposed, or my wedding, or the many years ago, when I first met Elise. No. It was the moment Elise told me she was pregnant, and the moment I heard the first heartbeat. Those two moments filled my heart with overflowing joy, bringing light into a darkened world. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say they were the only two moments I was put on this planet to live for.

We all have a purpose in life. Despite being fortunate enough to experience and achieve extraordinary circumstances, I never felt uniquely complete. Sure, I had my moments where I thought I was satisfied, but it was never full. There was always something missing. Like a puzzle with a piece askew, or mismatched socks. As I fell deeper in love with Elise, that feeling faded. But, it never fully diminished until she told me that she was pregnant. A few months earlier, if she had told me this, perhaps I would have flipped out a little bit, lost my self-control. Like I said before, I never thought I would be the one to settle down and have a family, I never thought I was capable of it. I never wanted to make my fathers mistakes, I never wanted to bring a child into the world without knowing for sure that I could give he or she the best possible life. Never.

When I said my vows to Elise— I meant them with every inch of my soul. I truly wanted to grow old with her, to experience our own great love story, even if we didn’t get to have it all. I just wanted to spend my life with her. You can strip me of everything: the fortune, the house and cars, materialistic things, my business, the art collection. Every. Single. Thing. The only thing I won’t give up is her. It sounds so cliche, but she really is all I need in this life. When she tells me she loves me, I have no doubt that anything could take me from her…

Up until now.

I’m not quite so sure where this world leaves us no, where it leaves me.

A voice I thought I would never hear again distracts me from the sound of my child’s heartbeat. Logan.

“You’re wearing your best clothes just for me, I’m honoured,” Logan smirks, as he comes into view wearing his standard business suit and white button-down combo.

I frown for a moment before I glance down and see I am wearing my signature black suit attire– complete with red tie.

I look back up at Logan, “Am I dead?”

Just a moment ago,  I was reminiscing the best parts of my life. Now, I am standing in front of my dead brother, and suddenly the serene feeling goes away.

Logan chuckles before he lifts his shoulders into a shrug, "well, mate, that depends on you.”

I raise a brow, a little bothered by his cryptic comment. The bloody man hasn’t changed a bit since leaving earth. Go figure. “It does?”

He nods, “indeed.”

I ponder this for a moment while I stare at my brother, cocking my head to the side.

I guess the question of the hour is how this depends on me?

I don’t say a word, just stand in silence, utterly confused. I can’t decide if I want to challenge Logan or just go with whatever he says. I have learned that questioning him never ends up well in my favour. It seems that while he was alive, all the answers to my questions were shameful.

“It’s sink or swim Harry, which is it?”

Logan’s voice permeates the silence and again I just gaze at him, “Harry, we don’t have all day, mate.”

I give him a shrug, I don't’ really know what the fuck I am meant to say, I can’t even tell if I am alive or not. I don’t think I am? I jus’… I don’t understand. I don’t think I want to understand.

I want my untroubled serenity back. I open my mouth to speak but close it again, grappling to figure out to express this. Is it sinking?

Logan sighs heavily as he crosses his arms and narrows his eyes at me; almost as if he knows what I’m thinking and disapproves. “Do you have the will to fight? I don’t think you do at all. I think you’re a coward who will take the easy way out.”

Ouch, that’s harsh. How dare he?

I shake my head, “That’s not true.”

Keeping my voice as low as possible as I utter those words. I don’t know who I was trying to convince more: Logan or myself.

“If it weren’t, we wouldn’t be here, Harry.”

His words feel like a knife to my heart. I can feel it slicing in half and my chest tightens. I can’t catch my breath. “And what the hell do you know?” I snarl.

“I know your love for Elise alone isn’t enough for you to fight anymore. You know she deserves better and you’re willing to give up.”

I nod my head, “She does deserve better. Much better.”

We all know she has always deserved better, I never was good enough for her. I could give her expensive jewellery and designer bags, but she isn’t a trophy wife. She deserves someone who will devote every moment to her and worship the ground she marches on. I did my best with doting on her hand and foot and loving her with everything I have, but all I have just isn’t enough. She warrants the world and I have only been able to give her half of it.

“But she wants you. She loves you more than anything.”

“That’s debatable,” I shrug. It’s the truth, it’s debatable on whether she loves me. I question her love purely because of how my business has put a strain on us. She supported me and our business, but I know she doesn’t want any part of it. I spent too much time on my business and not enough listening to her and considering her thoughts and emotions. I neglected her to raise an empire— an empire that although successful, failed me— an empire that has been the cause of my destruct and my current predicament.

How ironic, I have killed the best part of me.

“Coward.”

My body stiffens at the remark. “Shut up, Logan.” I abruptly raise my voice, attempting to defend myself even though I undividedly agree with him.

I am a fucking coward. Perhaps I am just like Dad— a coward.

Logan shakes his head at me, “you’re a coward who won’t fight.”

“Yes, I will,” I mutter, trying to convince myself that I have the will to actually fight for what I want. But, I still don’t really know what the fuck I want.

It’s hard sometimes, to decipher on what is right and wrong, just as it is hard to figure out what one truly wants and doesn’t want.

“So what are you doing here?”

My brows bump together in a scowl while my lips screw into irritation and exasperation,  “The fuck am I meant to know? I’m not fucking God, I don’t know everything.”

“Go back to your wife.”

I slump my shoulders in defeat, as bitterly poignant words leave my lips and pierce my heart, “she. doesn’t.  want. me.”

“She’s the mother of your children, she wants you. She put up with you for this long. Now go.” He strives to shoo me away but it doesn’t work. My feet stay planted where they are.

I inhale a deep breath and blow out gradually, buying time to discover words, “I change my mind, you’re right. I’m a coward. I can’t go back. She deserves better. Look what I have put her through. Dad has fucked me up.”

My — our— Father has done his damage with me, emotionally, mentally and now physically. He has caused havoc in my life from since I can remember. Even the most wonderful parts of my childhood, when he was a decent father, are still horrible times. His presence in any memory good or bad is shrilling. Even the good doesn’t outweigh the bad. No matter how hard I try to suppress the memories that creep up on me at my most vulnerable moment, I just can’t forget them.

“Your son needs you.You can’t use Dad as an excuse.”

I refuse to repeat my father’s mistakes of having children when I am not ready. I don’t want to raise children when I am not the best fit for them.

“He’s better off without me too. What father image do I have to look up too?” I sarcastically chuckle, “like I can be a decent father.” I laugh again, attempting to hold back tears.

A wary smile surfaces on his lips, “Your son is waiting to meet you.”

Oh, my son…

I shake my head. “I can’t do it.”

“Yes, you can. Go back to your family.”

“My son is better off without me.”

“He’s not the only one who needs you.” Logan remarks. But, I don’t really care. I don’t have it in me. They’re all better off without me. Mum and Gem can get through life without me and so can Elise.

Sure, maybe it will be hard for a while, but eventually, it would get easier, right?

“Elise can do better. She’ll move on.”

“She wouldn’t.” Logan shakes his head, “your daughters need you. You have your chance to do things over, take it.”

“I don’t have daughters.”

“with that attitude, you won’t. If you love Elise. You’ll fight and go back to her. If you want to be a coward fine, take my hand.” Logan offers me his hand and I stare at it, contemplating what to do.

I stand for a moment, debating what the fuck to do, I can either go with my brother and live in a well-disposed bliss or I can choose the other path and presumably go back to Elise. I glance at Logan and I can see the smile on his face; I can feel Logan radiating this energy and slowly drawing away from me.

I don’t say anything, I just gulp and breathe for a moment. Logan grants me a wider smile and nods his head as though he is condoning the choice that I have yet to verbally expose.

He stands straighter and smooths his tie, a smile dangled in the corner of his lips. “I’ll see you when I see you, Harry.”

*** ***

My eyes gradually open and at first, everything is blurry and hard to make out, a cluster of white patches, but it gently clears as I come into focus and overhear the beeping sound of machines that are familiar.

If this is what heaven sounds and looks like then all those movies got it wrong.

It takes me a moment to grasp my bearings and come to terms with being awake in the real world, at least I assume it’s the real world. I doubt heaven resembles like a dismal hospital room and the feeling of being barren and exhausted.

I feel heaviness on my shoulder and it takes me a moment to come to terms with Elise’s warm body nestled into me and her head on my shoulder. I curve my lips into a petite smile and swiftly, I no longer feel hollow.

As I take a deep breath, I am overcome with all the pain I didn’t physically feel while asleep.

Fuck.

There goes my sweet serenity.

I don’t move or wake Elise amidst my pain, instead, I do my best to pull the blanket to rest on her.

I feel her stirring against me, something I have grown to understand as the baby gradually waking up. Elise doesn’t know this, but she unknowingly wakes me when the little one is beginning to wake up, she continuously wiggles against me in her sleep and draws me closer to her and doesn’t part from my body until the little one has successfully woken her. Sometimes he lets her sleep while I stay awake just stroking her hair or stroking her stomach, other times my company isn’t sufficient enough for him and he insists on waking his mother.

I caress my hand against her stomach tenderly, feeling our pride and joy moving beneath me. And to think I almost took Logan’s hand and went with him.

It’s this sudden moment that makes me appreciate that I didn’t go with Logan- that I stayed.

It won’t be easy, but I know it will be worth the struggle.

“You’re awake?” Niall murmurs ever so softly, articulating more of a question than a statement.

I hum as he stands up from his position in the chair, “how ye’ feeling?”

I can’t help but smirk as a way to mask any discomfort, “like I was shot.”

Niall rolls his eyes at my remark, “still a smart ass.”

“Oi,” I breathe in a breath and grimace slightly, “still yeh boss.”

Niall nods, “Almost thought I lost you, mate. You gotta stop doing this, kinda like you as my boss.”

“Kinda like bein’ your boss,” I grin softly, uplifting the mood.

“Looks like you’re not making that trip to New York over Christmas though.”

I sigh heavily, remembering that I had jam-packed my schedule over the Christmas period coming up, against Elise’s wishes, and now here I am, completely unable to make any of the arrangements.

At least I will be home for Christmas.

“Your wife— she’s the definition of a ride or die— never let her go,” Niall gestures towards Elise.

“Don’t plan to.”

“She tried to bribe the authorities to let her have 5 minutes with your father while he was handcuffed.”

I chuckle to myself, essentially because I can envision her becoming extremely ferocious and pleading to get her way. I wouldn’t be surprised if she batted those sumptuous eyes of hers, dangled that attractive smile and applied her charm.

If there is one thing I can say, Elise has always had my back even when I haven’t noticed it.

“Do you want me to wake her? You seem… pained.”

I instantly shake my head. My discomfort is nothing compared to how she must feel when waiting for me to wake up. If the shoe was on the other foot, I would be a mess if I had to assemble by a hospital bed and wait for her to wake up. “No, let her sleep.” … “But some morphine would be nice… And ice.”  

Through the pain, I chuckle to myself, a sudden remembrance of something I wrote years ago in my journal coming back to mind. The lyric I once wrote for my own personal self, “give me some morphine. Is there any more to do?”

Obviously, at the time I was not literally meaning I wanted morphine, it was more of a metaphor for the pain I was feeling when Elise broke up with me very early on in our relationship. Just like an addict craves to get their drugs back and relapse— I needed to get back with Elise— a pretty simple understanding. I was desperate with my desire to preserve what was there between us. I was the one that stirred her to breaking up with me for my own selfish tendencies, I accused myself and denied to give up hope.

*

Niall keeps me awake and speaking for a little bit, explaining to me the obligations I have missed in the hours I have been in another universe. Apparently, I have been out for nearly twenty-four hours which writhed my nurses. I guess I took my sweet time deciding whether I wanted to live or not. Niall informs me of how detectives have been waiting for me to wake up and how they received quite a few words from Elise, needless to say, they won’t be back until they are called.

I assume I have to call them when I am not on morphine to nurse the pain.

“Damn,” I hear Elise mumble as she lets out a heavy breath and her body moves from mine.

“Well, good morning, sunshine,” I snicker.

Elise grunts, “Shut it, Styles.”

Ouch, someone’s grouchy.

Her enrapturing eyes gleam into my iridescent, malachite-green eyes before she goes wide-eyed and springs up a little, surprised, to say the least. “Fuck, no, don’t shut up, I am so sorry. You’re awake.”

“Careful, darling,” I mutter, reminding her that this bed is not ever ending. The last thing I want is for her to fall off the damn bed. “You okay? Ye’ just staring.”

“Fine, how are you? How do you feel? D you need ice? Do you need anything-”

“Hey, relax. I’m fine considering my father shot me.” I grin at her, attempting to alleviate the mood.

She doesn’t need to fret and dote on me hand and foot for the next however long it takes for me to recover. I am alive, therefore; I am fine.

Elise caresses a kiss on my cheek before she gingerly sits herself up and her eyes flick towards Niall. “You knew he was awake, didn’t you?” She crosses her arms and raises a brow with that glare that can burn through walls.

I can only assume she is not pleased that she was not woken up the moment I decided to make my grand appearance.

Niall shifts off of the wall and nods, “Indeed… Need some help?” Niall proposes graciously.

Before Elise can shake her head and refuse his assistance, I speak for her, “Yes.”

Elise cocks her head and her knife cutting eyes gaze at me, “don’t need you falling.” I murmur before she sighs and enables Niall to assist her.

“Don’t need you pulling your IV out,” she gestures towards my left arm with the IV.

Damn, I hate them. They’re so fucking bothersome.

It is like she is reading my mind and my desires to pull the damn thing out.

*  

I flip aimlessly through the boring channels on the television while Elise is perched comfortably in the seat with a blanket draped over her legs and a book in her hand.

“Elle?”

She looks up from her book, “you in pain?”

I shake my head, “No, I am bored.”

Elise rolls her eyes and flicks her eyes back to her book. As we all know, I am not the person who can assemble in a hospital bed or any bed and simply twiddle my thumbs. I have to be doing something and keep myself entertained.

“Elise…Elle…baby…love…darling-”

“Harry,” she sighs as she glances over at me and keeps her hand in her book to mark the page, “would you prefer to read a book?” she proposes.

“Ha, no,” I shake my head.

“Harry, take a nap.”

“No.”

“You’re being bothersome.”

I pout my lips and screw my nose up at her comment before I glance away from her and look back to the television.

I hear Elise heavily huff before her book closes and I feel her eyes on me. “I am sorry… Wanna talk?”

“No.”

“Well… maybe we should talk about baby names?” Elise suggests, gradually intriguing me and drawing me from being bratty. “He needs a name and we haven’t had time to think of a name.”

I cock my head to the side and glance over at her with a small smile. “Anything in mind?”

She thinks for a moment, “I like the name, Tommy and James. You?”

“No on Tommy.” I shake my head, “No offence, but Tommy will not make a good name on a desk. It sounds…. weak.”

“Harry, it isn’t guaranteed he will be like you and be a CEO. Maybe he wants to be a pilot or a dancer or an engineer.”

“I know, but Tommy is a sweet name and I jus’, I don’t like it suited. Tommy Styles. Eh.” … “I like James, it is nice. What about Noah?”

“Nah.”

“Thomas?” I suggest.

“No, don’t like it.” Elise is quick to shake her head.

“Luke?”

“no.”

“Are you going to say yes to anything?” I challenge, staring at my apparently very picky yet beautiful wife.  I assume she has a name picked out that she is pondering in that mind of hers.

Elise shrugs, “Nathan?”

“Not a fan of it. Hey, I do have a question.” I inform Elise and she waits for me to continue on. “How about Logan as the middle name? I know it probably isn’t what you-”

“Yes,” Elise doesn’t let me finish my sentence, “of course,” she nods.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am. I like it. Tommy Logan Styles.” Elise smirks playfully at me and I roll my eyes.

“Nice try, darling.”

“It was worth a try.”

“I love you for trying.”

Elise smiles before she pushes herself up from the chair and steps over towards me, “And I love you.” Elise leans down and kisses my lips sweetly, reminding me that she does love me and that I made the right decision.

___

(I’d like to thank my lovely friends for allowing me to constantly send them bits and pieces and for allowing me to bounce off ideas of them. @lostinreality014  @haroldsflowerchild @ca-sunsets @not-nessasarily and @latersdiana) On another note, thank you to my readers for enjoying this journey with me and for reading! P.S There is one more chapter after this, just one. :( Xx

[thatonehiddenbladeingibraltar]

Howdy! Slightly weird prompt: Reaper, 76, and Mercy with an s/o who's an actual grim reaper working for a global dispatch company of grim reapers, and Reader was assigned to watch them by their superiors because they all defied death in some way and it screws up Reader's "to-die list". So Reader ends up joining their cause to keep an eye on them, and their relationship starts out as enemies to begrudging respect then to friends and then lovers. Thanks so much, I adore your writing! ^^'

Sorry for the long wait! Life’s been rough lately so I didn’t have much time to work on this, but I hope you enjoy it!

Tagging: @sylvennia @elise-the-assassin @templarboyband

Translation: “Ich liebe dich auch” —–> “I love you too”

Gabriel Reyes/Reaper:

When he first met you, he was actually stunned that you were just like him

Death following you wherever you went, the ability to become a non-corporeal figure at will, even your black clothing matched his perfectly

It does annoy him that you only show your face to a few people around Talon besides him

Sombra had teased him about his ‘imaginary friend’ until you appeared right next to her and shouted “Boo!” in her ear

On the other hand, you were having a bit of fun monitoring the man that your bosses had sent you to keep an eye on

It miffed you a bit to know that Reaper couldn’t die like everyone else; but at the same time, you were oddly glad for the company seeing as you were one of many that embodied Death itself

Overtime though, you did have to admit that it was comforting to be near Reaper

Comforting enough to call him by his real name in private, much to both his and your surprise

The two of you did begin to spend more time together after a while, simply talking about what your life was like before Talon and him telling you how he became Reaper

You did end up wishing that his creator’s death would come just a bit sooner than its current date when he finished telling you about his backstory

As time moved on, you started to feel something resembling love or a similar affection towards Reaper, and you had an inkling that he felt the same way

However, you truly realize that that emotion was love until you decided to kiss him out of the blue one day

You were a bit shocked when he decided to reciprocate it when you hurriedly pulled away from him after fully realizing what you had just done

You swear that you had to listen closely when Reaper mumbled that he did like you a lot and that you were one of the only few people that he genuinely cared for anymore

Perhaps you were exactly what he needed to be able to spend the rest of his existence in this lonely world that the two of you lived in

Jack Morrison/Soldier: 76:

When he first discovers who you actually are, he thinks that you’re there to finally end his life

Unfortunately, he wasn’t that lucky

He oddly doesn’t mind having you around while he went around and tried to find out what happened to Overwatch

The only thing that troubles him about you was how happy you were to accompany him whenever he went to deal with local crime organizations such as Los Muertos

Then again you were an actual Grim Reaper that took people towards their fates in the afterlife

Jack does find your idea about how justice would be delivered in the end relieving and terrifying at the same time

What did death have in store for him when his time was up?

Sometimes he’ll ask you about what it felt like to talk to the dead, and all you’ll say is that it was just like talking with another living person whether they were a giving individual or a horrible being

He had to admit that seeing your reaction to Ana being alive a bit humorous when the two of you arrived in Egypt

He is a little surprised that you didn’t know about whether or not she was dead, but he brushed it off as the information being withheld from you

On the contrary, you were having a bit of fun while keeping an eye out on Jack

He was a breath of fresh air in comparison to being around immortal death carriers every day

You often debated about whether or not you should tell him how he would go out, but you did refrain yourself before you said anything, knowing that he could ultimately change important decisions in the future

The two of you talked about Jack’s past, especially before he became Soldier: 76, and you felt yourself getting a little closer to the vigilante than you originally intended to

Overtime, you found yourself falling for him, even though you knew that there was a good chance that whatever could happen between the two of you may not be able to continue for long

Nonetheless, you simply took a deep breath and pulled him aside one day with Ana knowingly looking on and confessed your feelings towards him

The shock on his face was enough to make you worry that he didn’t feel the same way about you, but the kiss he gently places on your forehead is enough to assuage your fears

As you moved to tentatively hug him, you silently promised to try and keep him safe as best as you could until his time ran out

Angela Ziegler/Mercy:

At first Angela is convinced that you don’t exist

Or at least she doesn’t believe that you truly exist

However, she does eventually come around to the fact that you were a living, breathing being with a bit of reluctance

Angela does ask what it felt like to bring the dead to the afterlife to which you replied that it was like taking them on a short ride to where they were meant to go post-mortem

You do find it odd that your superiors asked you to monitor someone that kept people alive while you and your colleagues were the epitome of death itself

On the other hand, Angela does find it strange that you could make yourself appear and disappear on your own will, but she shrugged it off as the reason why most people didn’t see you drift around in broad daylight

She has asked you to see if you could let someone that was nearing the end of their life to be spared for just a little while longer, despite knowing your answer

It does pain you to tell her so, but those were the rules of death

That fact did sting a bit in her heart, but she accepted it reluctantly and you could see it on her face whenever you trailed behind her throughout her day

You had a feeling that it had something to do with the fact that her parents died, but you make a mental note to tell her about their lives after their deaths

Although she does fully come around to you not being able to hold off on carrying souls towards their lives in the afterworld, Angela does respect how you can comfort those who were on their deathbed in their final moments

After a while, she insists that you call her Angela instead of Dr. Ziegler like everyone else

You were mildly surprised, but you accepted it nonetheless

When Overwatch was recalled by Winston, she does seek your advice on whether or not to respond to it and all you could do was shrug and tell her that it truly was her call

You did assure that you would support her decision no matter what and the smile she gives you is enough to make your chest swell with emotion

When Angela tells you of her decision to go back a couple days later, you only smile and nod, even though you knew that you were sure it wasn’t an easy choice for her to make

As the two of you were traveling to Watchpoint: Gibraltar, you let your hands become corporeal to hold hers comfortingly as she leaned her head on your shoulders and In that moment, you swore to yourself to keep her safe which included something along the lines about you loving her

What you didn’t expect was for Angela to say “Ich liebe dich auch” and it was then that you realized that you had said all of that out loud

When your shock dissipated, you let yourself smile as you squeezed her hand gently and looked out the cockpit window, eager to see what new adventure you and Angela were about to embark on

[videogamesincolor]

Assassin’s Creed: Origins (2017) - An Ode to Bayek’s Beard (SPOILERS)

Assassin’s Creed: Origins, much like Assassin’s Creed 3, feels hamstrung by the period in time it’s set it, or rather the real-life characters it chooses to have the story revolve around outside their protagonists (Bayek and Aya).

WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT IT?

Assassin’s Creed: Origins sees a fully realized period of Ancient Egypt around the time the Greeks and Romans were lurking about and Cleopatra existed. Bayek of Siwa has full reign of Ubisoft Montreal’s latest sandbox and grind world, and if you’re into the kind of game where you can get lost and distracted by the goings on of NPC (human and animal life alike), and the manipulation of “real time” (day can become night, and night can become day at your leisure), then Origins won’t disappoint you. 

It’s a welcome change from a France where everyone has cockney accents and Old London which isn’t all that different from Colonial America.

It’s a part of history most people really aren’t familiar with beyond golden age and modern day movies where white actors dress up and paint their skin brown, and information is almost always dubious at best, so the audience’s general ignorance of the history itself lends itself to the world building that makes the environment feel alive and worth exploring, because doubtless most folk are going to do some research after playing this game for better context and understanding.

In terms of gameplay, the most interesting aspect of the gameplay (for me) is the use of Bayek’s Eagle, which, shocker, really does not have a role in the narrative at all (so you don’t have to worry about a scene out of The Mummy Returns, where Ardeth Bay’s bird companion is killed). The game’s take on Eagle vision is basically using Bayek’s eagle to scope out enemies within the area. This has no bearing on the narrative or the plot, so anyone expecting the Eagle to explain why all of the Assassin’s from Altair to whoever else has detective vision that can see mysterious symbols and enemies in red will be sorely disappointed.

Side missions range from helping a villager save their relative or friend from whoever is occupying Siwa or Alexandria, to saving a villager from lions and crocodiles, who aggro the moment you walk just a few inches within their general spitting distance. There are other elements: if you’re into gladiator or street fights, they’re certainly around to be had, but the villager in peril missions stuck out the most to me and seem to make up the bulk of the busywork.

Most of the voice performances are solid, particularly from Abubakar Salim (Bayek), Zora Biship (Cleopatra) and Alix Regan (Aya). My only real quibble with Salim is that it sounded like he was told to growl through half of his dialog if it had nothing to do with jovial conversation, or quiet moments with Aya, which is a problem I had with the voice direction for the protagonist in The Evil Within 2, but nowhere near as bad or as Clint Eastwoody (thank god).

I like Bayek and Aya, they’re a welcome reprieve the doldrums that were the Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate twins and the the French Ezio from, um, Assassin’s Creed Unity (I think was its name). They feel connected to the world the player is allowed to roam and see primarily through the eyes of Bayek, and which plays a big part in caring about these characters at all in conjunction with their narrative drive.

Even the skeleton of the story for Origins is fine:

You’ve got a husband and a wife, Bayek of Siwa and Aya (presumably of Alexandria and not Siwa) looking to avenge the death of their son when he is killed by a masked group of thugs searching for something (the apple of eden most likely) Bayek has no real knowledge of. The two of them seek out their son’s murders using methods that would later become the foundation of the order of Assassins (tfw you accidentally cut your own finger off and history remembers you as a duty-driven badass). By all rights, this should’ve been the meat and potatoes of the game: Bayek and Aya working together, the player switching between the two characters for different scenarios, and setting up the creation of the order in Egypt and the antagonists that they fought.

WHAT’S BAD ABOUT IT?

Aya and Bayek spend most of their time separated, with Bayek seemingly preoccupied with avenging their son, and Aya preoccupied with a duty she swore to Queen Cleopatra (who apparently is in exile and looking to usurp her brother, the “Puppet Pharaoh”), to the point where she doesn’t seem to have the same passion for retribution as Bayek anymore.

Once they’re together, the game dedicates some of its early cinematics to demonstrating that the two adore each other, mostly through sex. Bayek and Aya are probably the only canon romance in Assassin’s Creed that feels like a genuine relationship, and not “character B makes moon eyes at character A” (Henry and Evie), “character A is a womanizer and ‘the only woman he ever loved’ was murdered” (Ezio), “My girlfriend’s a Templar” (Arno and the Elise), or “Kaniehtí:io has sex with Haytham Kenway in order to justify Connor’s biracial status because Ubisoft made such a big deal about the fact that their Native American protagonist was half-white and they wanted to keep Haythem in the plot” (AC3).

When the game needs to demonstrate how these two work together as a team, it’s often Aya only delivering Bayek some information and the player carrying out said mission as Bayek. Bayek is isolated from the character that makes him the most dynamic, and Aya, who you think would’ve been a “scenario b” character (someone please revive the Resident Evil 2 dynamic, plz), is regulated to much of the background until the end of the game.

Even then, she’s only playable for maybe four or five missions: A ship battle, a stealth mission to light the Beacons of Not-Gondor, and two assassination missions at the closing of the game. An even bigger problem with this structure for Aya, is that this is only possible by removing the central character (Bayek) from the focus of the narrative, which creates imbalance in the story. It really felt like Ubisoft had no idea who they wanted for a POV character. And from the looks of things, Aya’s playability (the reveal that she was Amunet, a legendary Assassin who used snakes to kill Cleopatra) is more of an afterthought than something they originally intended from the very start of the game’s production.

Once Cleopatra enters the scene, the game forgoes pretending that it’s interested in making their adversaries (the people who killed their son) characters. Where a game like Assassin’s Creed 3 might’ve spent just a little too much time fleshing out the fictionalized versions of historical character villains when it should’ve been focusing more on Connor, Origins has the opposite problem. 

It doesn’t give its villains any time to become characters, which undermines Bayek and Aya’s progression as protagonists with a goal. The villains are part of a group called the “Order of the Ancients”, which acts as a precursor for the Templar Order (I guess???). None of them, save Khaliset (the Hyena), even register on the Richter Scale of memorable. They die, and then Bayek and Aya spend a lot of time in empty space having a shouting match with them (in what looks bad theatre) before banishing them with a feather. There was a slightly clever twist where one enemy called “The Crocodile” was a haggard old white woman, but the most they ever do with her is introduce her, and then send the player off to kill her. 

Supporting characters in Bayek’s story, most of which are friends or family, are simply there to betray him after he has a little joke and laugh with them. I swear, its like every single character he meets that isn’t some village peasant! One particularly interesting minor character, Kensa, was a former Medjay that worked with Bayek and turned to Gladiator battles to make a name for herself. 

She’s a fun character who fights with Bayek up until he discovers The Crocodile is one of the people hosting the gladiator battles. Kensa declares that she’d never betray Bayek (and I believe she wouldn’t), but the moment the game sends you after The Crocodile, you overhear her talking to your target like a drone and then the game has Bayek kill her unceremoniously with no reference to Bayek’s deed afterward. She’s just dead on the ground.

The missions dedicated to Cleopatra are perhaps one too many. She and her subplot really could’ve been a background fodder. The people Aya and Bayek were gunning after could easily make up most of the bulk of the story, but, nope, gotta weave Cleo up into that plot somehow, no matter how clunky it turns out.

What good is the formation of the Assassins if the opponents that spark the catalyst effect mean nothing more to the game than a few experience points to shove aside as it masturbates to the introduction of Cesar, Pompeii references, and the assassination of Cesar? Like Assassin’s Creed 3, I really think Bayek and Aya got short-changed because Ubisoft Montreal’s history boner continues to get the better of them (and they just have mediocre writers).

The way the game chooses to end Bayek and Aya’s relationship is about a weak as the accidental creation of the Assassin’s logo (a bird skull falls in the sand, Aya picks it up and bam, there’s the logo). A lot about the last moments of the game feel like Ubisoft remembered, “oh, wait, this is supposed to be a game about the formation the assassins!” And jammed the climax with almost every reference they’ve made to Egypt’s Assassin Bureau beforehand as quickly as possible.

Ubisoft’s gameplay continues to bloat out Creed games that, at this point, are better off being linear experiences, or sandbox games no larger than Assassin’s Creed or Assassin’s Creed 2. The fact that Origins "requires” the player to grind in-between story missions or side-quests in order to exploit a XP system I believe would’ve been ignored altogether like the feather missions in AC2, is scummy to say the least.

I really dislike the lightning in this game and how it effects the character models. Most of Assassin’s Creed: Origins looks as though it was run through a Instagram filter and hit with a bad case of bloom. Aya and Bayek’s skin tone is inconsistent as hell. In some scenes they’re a solid dark brown, in others, they’re so pale and washed out, it looks like they need a blood transfusion. A lot the NPCs look ashy and washed out in the bright light, and that only seems corrected in some pre-rendered cinematics. 

It feels as though Ubisoft tried to find some “happy medium” between the commonly accepted mainstream depiction of Ancient Egyptians (fair skinned, pale, and ambitiously brown) and historical depiction of Ancient Egyptians as seen in their artwork (most if, not all of the, had fairly dark skin). But, more often than not, they bowed to colorism.

On another note, Ubisoft really needs to ditch the real world elements since Desmond Miles is dead and gone (his story, in the retrospect that is “the world is gonna end in 2012!″, was benign to begin with), and none of the no-name characters they introduce do anything to restart the dead battery that is Modern Assassins vs. Abstergo Industries, but, Assassin’s Creed is a franchise perpetually held back by its weaker components on top of the overreach of its developers ambitions.

The most compelling thing about Assassin’s Creed: Origins is the world it created. For a bunch of people who decided Egypt would be a boring environment for a game (thought I’m not surprised they decided to set it during the time the Greeks and Romans were rolling up in the place), they certainly make it work to their advantage. Bayek and Aya are perhaps their strongest characters in the franchise, but, they’re stuck in a story that doesn’t feel all that together and is rushed by the end of the day.

I didn’t expect a lot from this game, I liked some of the things I got from it, but at this point, expecting better from an Assassin’s Creed game seems misguided nowadays and one should always lower their expectations.

[areswriting]

a x e : vi

“Nothing brings a family closer than Thanksgiving.”

I keep my rebuttal inside of my mouth by gritting my teeth—knowing that if I don’t, all I’ll taste over the holiday is my own blood.

Jason, however, leans his shoulder against mine and whispers, “This will be wife number four, wait and see.”

I side eye him and lean away, my lips itching to part, to tell him, just because he beat me, too, doesn’t mean we have bonded. It doesn’t make us family. Because my only family is dead.

Instead, I keep my eyes fixated on my cell phone and place an ear bud into my right ear. “Then that makes your dynamic with Elise awkward, no?”

And that’s when I hear it—faintly, the sound of Cerise asking her daughter if things with me are over. I don’t want to look up, but I can’t stop myself; and when I do, Elise is staring back at me.

“Oui,” she replies, then slowly turns forward.

“What did she just say?” Jason asks. “I’m only in French II, and I’m barely passing.”

I sigh, then I find myself with the upper hand, and I can’t stop myself from smiling. “Cerise asked if you and Elise are an item—I assume you understood her answer?”

Jason claps his hands together like a child on Christmas and I’m taken aback by his excitement. Being who he is—he could have his choice of girls at school, in fact I’ve seen many throw themselves at him and he never showed any interest.

“You’ve liked her for a long time?” I ask.

“No,” he shakes his head, his eyes trained on the back of her seat. “But, I feel like I can trust her, you know? She’s different. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“You don’t have to,” I say, finally looking up. “I know exactly what you mean.”

And my mind drifts off to Sylvia just as the wheels of the plane leave the tarmac.

▲ △ ▼ ▽

K: Just landed at LaGuardia. I’ll text you when I get to my dad’s.

✓ Message read

K: You’re really going to leave me on read again?

✓ Message read

Over an hour later, Malachi and Cerise lead us into his building. Judging from the way she navigates the lobby, this isn’t Cerise’s first time coming here. Judging from her daughter’s hesitance, I can tell she hopes it will be the last time. Or perhaps the death grip Jason has on her frail hand is making her uncomfortable.

When the private elevator opens directly into my father’s penthouse, I’m surprised to see that it isn’t vacant. Two little girls, who couldn’t be older than seven, squeal and jump over the back of an expensive looking leather couch and dart toward us.

“Daddy!” they scream in unison, each of them clinging to one of Malachi’s legs. I wince, half expecting him to kick them away, but much to my surprise he leans down and scoops them into his arms. Both looking and playing the part of a loving father.

Then it hits me—those are my little sisters. Ones that I didn’t even know existed until now.

“Eva, Emilia!” Malachi says after planting a kiss on each one of their heads. “I missed you girls!”

The bag I’m holding falls from my hand and hits the hardwood floor with a loud thud—and suddenly everyone is looking at me, but I’m only looking at the little girl he called Emilia, and I’m looking at her like I’ve just seen a ghost.

“Who is he?” she asks, wiggling her way out of my father’s arms. She skips toward me and folds her hands in front of herself. More proper than I’ll ever be. “Who are you?”

“That,” Malachi says, “is your big brother Abram.”

“Big brother?” she gasps and jumps up at me, leaving me with no choice but to grab her. She smashes my cheeks together with her tiny hands then hugs my neck tightly. “I love you already, Abram!” she says, not quite able to fully pronounce her R’s.

I gently set her down and take off to where I think a bathroom might be—because I am sure I am going to throw up. But just as I round a corner a woman emerges, and gasps at the sight of me. We stare at each other; and I notice that I’m not the only one who looks like they’ve just seen a ghost. The woman brings one hand up to her mouth while the other pushes her cay-eye glasses onto the top of her head.

“I’m sorry,” I say, the bile rising further up my throat. “Bathroom?”

The woman points her thumb behind where she stands, and I quickly move around her—barely making it to the toilet before my breakfast makes its way past my lips.

I pick myself up and splash my face with cold water once, twice, then three times for good measure. Drying my hands I hear my phone chirp from my pocket, and I shakily pull it out.

New messages: Sylvia

S: I’m sorry! I was helping my mother at the grocery store. Is everything okay?

K: I need to call you. Can you talk?

S: Not right now, I’m sorry. What’s wrong?

K: I’ll explain everything later. Right now probably isn’t the best time for me to call anyways.

There is a quiet knock on the bathroom door and I try to compose myself.

“Just a second,” I say. As I move to grab the door knob, it begins to twist then open slowly. I freeze, watching as half of Elise’s face is revealed.

“Abram,” she says, looking up at me. “Are you okay?”

Both of us know why I wouldn’t be okay. Both of us know exactly how fucked up what just happened was.

I laugh silently, mostly to keep myself from crying, or punching a hole through the wall, and shake my head. “No, Elise, I’m not okay.”

She opens the door wider, letting herself in, and grabs my hand.

“What are you doing?” I say. “Do I look like Jas—”

Elise hushes me by putting her index finger up to my lips and tilts her head, eyes gesturing to the noise behind us.

I hear someone—a woman shouting, and Elise’s grip on my hand tightens as she gently tugs me closer, opening the door with her free hand. We step into the hallway, heads leaning into the chaos.

“Malachi Ian Rose, you lying bastard!”

“Mom!”

“You told me she had an abortion!”

“I thought she did! I can’t help that she kept the little bastard and didn’t tell anyone!”

Elise gasps at the sound that we both know was a loud slap. My entire body stiffens and Elise has to physically hold me back.

“Ow!”

“Oh, did that hurt?” the woman shouts. “You’re lucky I’m not wearing my wedding ring!”

Elise and I both have to cover our mouths to stifle our laughter.

“I think the people in Brooklyn heard that,” she says. I look down at her and I get an overwhelming desire to pull her into a hug and thank her for checking on me—but footsteps coming near stop me, and we both look up to see Jason appearing around the same corner I’d disappeared through.

“There you are,” he says, and he wastes no time in snaking his arms around her waist and pulling her close. “Come on, I want to introduce you to my grandmother.”

▲ △ ▼ ▽

Malachi sits at one end of the dinner table, with one of my little twin sisters on either side of him. Cerise sits at the other end, with Elise to her left, and Genevieve to Elise’s left; leaving Jason to Cerise’s right, and me between him and my sister Emilia. The cater waiters pour champagne into our glasses, as a second set begins bringing out the first course—a salad no bigger than the palm of my hand, that probably would have cost my mother an entire year’s salary.

I notice Genevieve staring at me, but after the slap heard around the world earlier, I’m honestly too afraid to say anything to her.

“You know, you look just like her,” she says, which shocks me. “I knew the moment I saw you.”

“He looks just like who?” asks my little sister Eva, who is wearing most of her salad, and swirling her sparkling grape juice around in her cup. I fear she takes after my father a bit too much.

“No one,” my father cuts across, after taking a generous gulp of champagne. “We’re not discussing her at our family dinner.”

“That’s very telling of you, Malachi,” Genevieve replies, “Seeing as though you had no problem naming your daughter after her.” She looks at me and smiles. “I am quite fond of our little Emilia, just as I was of your mother.”

I look to my right, my little sister Emilia smiles up at me. “Gigi told me I was named after the prettiest girl in the world.”

“Gigi?” I say.

“Me, dear,” Genevieve says. “The three of your sisters call me Gigi and Jason calls me Genevieve.”

“So, I shouldn’t call you grandmother?” I say.

She laughs. “Maybe when I die, but until then I’d like it if you call me Gigi.”

“I’m sorry,” Cerise speaks up. “You said ze three of his sisters, you must be mistaken, Genevieve, I only count two.”

“You only see two, dear,” Gigi says, smiling sweetly. It reminds me of the way Elise smiles when she’s forcing herself to be cordial with someone. “The third will be joining us for Thanksgiving dinner, you’ll meet her then.”

My eyebrows knit together and I look at Malachi. “I’m sorry, but how many kids do you have?”

I know I’m safe from taking a beating—I also know I asked the question that even Cerise didn’t have the answer to.

“Five,” says Gigi. “That we know of. There could me more, of course, seeing as though I thought the number was four before this morning.”

I look across the table at Elise, who is laughing from behind her napkin. Gigi raises her hand and rubs her back. “Be careful, darling. I wouldn’t want you to choke before we reach the main course.”

“Mother,” Malachi says, folding his napkin. “Can I have a word with you? In private.”

“No,” she shakes her head. “You can chastise me in front of your children and your guests for inviting Sienna to Thanksgiving.”

“Sienna is my sister, right?” I ask.

Gigi nods. “Yes, she’s older, though, twenty-two, right Malachi?”

I look at my father to see him loosening his tie, however he doesn’t respond.

“Is there anything else you are interested in learning about my son, Miss Allaire?” Gigi asks Cerise.

Cerise looks up from her empty plate. “No, not at the moment.”

“Well, I’ll be here all week,” she replies.

▲ △ ▼ ▽

After dinner Cerise and Malachi disappear for drinks at the bar in the lobby, leaving the rest of us sat around the living room. Eva fell asleep on Jason’s lap, much to his dismay, I’m sure, because I can see him practically pining for Elise, who was forced to share the love seat with me at Emilia’s request. Though now the little girl lays across us, snoring softly.

And Gigi sits in one of the arm chairs by the fire, talking to Elise about the time she spent in France as a young girl.

“Quelle ville etes-vous reste dans?” asks Elise.

(which city did you stay in?)

“Partout, mais surtout Paris,” Gigi replies fondly.

(All over, but mostly Paris.)

“Paris se sent comme a la maison,” Elise says, smiling.

(Paris feels like home.)

“La maison est ou le couer est, mon cher,” Gigi says.

(Home is where the heart is, dear.)

“Dans cette cause, il n’est certainment pas ici,” I laugh.

(Then it certainly isn’t here.)

While Elise giggles, Gigi looks at me in shock.

“Well, I’m certainly glad I wasn’t saying anything bad about you,” she says.

“Unlike a certain mother of mine,” Elise says, then goes on to tell Gigi the story of how I met Cerise.

I pick Emilia up and lay her on the couch next to Jason, who had fallen asleep as well. I take a moment to appreciate how less annoying he is when he’s lying there, not talking, before I throw a small blanket over him.

“So, you and my grandson?” Gigi says, looking at Elise.

“Oh no—we’re not—”

“I was speaking about Jason,” she says, giving Elise a look I don’t quite understand before she looks at her watch. “Oh, it’s after one in the morning. Where did the time go?”

She excuses herself and tells us we’ll pick up where we left off—and much to my surprise pulls me into a long, tight hug.

“I’m glad you’re here, Abram,” she whispers before kissing me cheek. When she pulls away she offers Elise a sweet smile. “It was nice to meet you, Miss Allaire. You two kids don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Once Gigi is out of the room, I lean against the arm of the love seat and tilt my head at Elise. “Are you ready for bed, too? Because I think I am.”

I gesture for her to follow me, and I’m surprised when she does. I take her up a staircase and down the hall to the room I stayed in when I was here over the summer. “I think this is my room,” I say. “We can share?”

[kbrown78]

My Thoughts: Walk on Earth a Stranger by Rae Carson

I'm a huge fan of Rae Carsons first series, The Girl of Fire and Thorns. It's a criminally underrated fantasy series that immediately become one of my all time favorite series. So when I found out she was writing a new trilogy I was excited, but that ended up becoming part of the problem. It's set during the gold rush in America and is about a girl named Leah who has the ability to sense gold in the Earth. Her parents are murdered by her greedy uncle and she decides to run away and disguise herself as a boy and joins a wagon train to go to California. The Girl of Fire and Thorns raised the bar so high for me that it would be nearly impossible for this book to live up to the expectations I had in my mind, and it didn't. I'll go into more detail about my issues with the book in my dislike section, but there were enough good aspects in this book, and knowing how Rae Carson writes, to encourage me to continue the trilogy.  

World building: The Girl of Fire and Thorns is set in an original world that does have real world inspiration, and in Walk on Earth a Stranger the reverse is true. This story is set during the Gold Rush, which is not something I've even heard of in stories, and the magical element restricted to just the main character being able to sense gold. When I was younger I loved reading about the Oregon Trail or the Civil War, and now that I'm older I see a lot of World War II stories, but nothing that focused on the Gold Rush specifically. I could tell that Rae Carson did do some research while writing this story, because of how the world is developed and how realistic it is, particularly the darker aspects like using blankets to spread diseases to Native Americans or slaughtering an entire herd of buffalo but only taking the tongues.  

Characters: What I love about Carson as an author, other than how well she writes plots and themes, is how well she writes characters. While I do find Leah a bit irritating, I still find her to be a well written character. Early on it's established that Leah can sense gold in the Earth, and while it's easy for her to rely on this ability to give her family a comfortable life and not do anything else, that isn't the case. She takes care of her family, but usually through means outside of gold sensing. She does a lot of hard work outside and is able to live off the land, which reflects the beliefs that her family has instilled in her, to value hard work and a good heart over money, which makes her a good person that can care deeply for others but will also come in handy after her parents are murdered and she runs away. Again and again she proves her resourcefulness and resilience, but once the wagon train starts moving, I actually feel like she backtracked a little. She becomes closed off, which is understandable given the circumstances of her parents death and the multiple secrets she is hiding, but that doesn't justify her viewing every single woman in the train as incompetent and inferior. Then she sort of gets walked all over by all the bullies in the group, but as she grows to care more and more about some people in the wagon train, she is willing to make sacrifices, like giving her mother's necklace to Andy so she always knows where he is, and take huge risks, like going out on her own to look for the leader of the wagon train when no one else will. She is someone who chooses to stay independent and is capable of being so, but she is also a little insensitive to the racial issues around her. She's a complicated character because there are aspects of her that I both like and dislike, and only reading the rest of the series will help me settle on what my opinion is of her. I will also say that, so far, I don't like Leah as much as I liked Elise from the Girl of Fire and Thorns because she wasn't as smart as Elise and I just really love my intelligent characters. The person that actually turned out to be my favorite character in the book was actually Mrs. Joyner, which is funny because she starts out as someone that I really disliked. When the readers are first introduced to her, she is rather snobby, meek, and doesn't hide her dislike of Lee. As the story progresses, however, she becomes increasingly able to endure the wilderness and take charge, as well as show some basic human decency. She tries to help the other women in the wagon train, trades with the Native American's, and grows to accept Leah, even when the secret is revealed. Her moments of true strength are when Mr. Joyner dies and she comfortably shifts into the role as head of the house and is willing to both keep Jefferson's and Leah's contracts and let go of all the material goods that she had been insistent on holding onto at the beginning. The other moment was when she was giving birth, and what was left of the group was barley surviving and isolated from anything, but she still managed to get through the birthing. So she shows real character development and a quiet strength, and I'm dying to see more of her in the next book. Compare that to her husband, Mr. Joyner, who at first is a snob but tolerable, then as the book progresses, is revealed to be an awful person. He wants to take control of everything and want's everything to be his way, he lied about having measles to avoid doing any work, is incredibly racist, and uses the sick children to spread disease to the Native Americans. In a stroke of poetic justice his lingering vanity is what causes his death in the end. Aside from Mrs Joyner, Jefferson was probably the most important side character, but he didn't quite feel like it. He wasn't very developed, aside from being half Cherokee and coming from an absuive home, there isn't much I learned about his personality or character, aside from the fact that he was grumpy a lot of the time. He was definitely supposed to be a source of emotional support for Leah, and he was that but not the extent that he should have been. There were a few other characters that I liked, such as Jasper  and his group of confirmed bachelors because they were just sweet, and most of the women I liked. The villain's were a bit unusual for a few reasons. The character that will probably be the big bad of the series, Leah's Uncle Hiram, is a pretty average villain, killing his brother out of jealousy and greed and wanting to control Leah, but he was hardly in the book. The threat of him finding Leah was there in the beginning but eventually it fades away, and I think that's because the reader's didn't fully get a feel of his character, although what we did get definitely qualified him as a scumbag who is almost a little too smooth to be real. Then there were some ruffians along the way that were there and then gone. There was also Frank Diley in the wagon train, who was more of an antagonist than a full on villain since he didn't want to kill anyone, but is racist, sexist, wants the train leader to die so he can take control. What's interesting about each villain is while they are looming threats, they aren't integral to the story as a whole and are only present part of the time. Also, as characters themselves they weren't particularly evil, but what they represented is various insidious problems that plague societies. So far I didn't love the character as much as the ones in Rae Carson's previous series, but there were some stand out highlights and Leah as the main character was decent.  

Relationships: There are two very important relationships in this book, well three but the third I consider something else because it wasn't previously established. The first is between Leah and her parents. It's clear that Leah's parents are very important to her and they have had a significant impact on who she is. They've raised her to be a good person. Unfortunately they've chosen to isolate her and because of that she feel's very alone. Part of this is because they want to protect her from people that want to use her gold sensing abilities, which is a reasonable fear, but this backfires so badly. On the subject of her abilities, her parents never shame her for it but sort of similar to Elsa they've turned it into something she needs to suppress. Since the parents are killed early on in the book, it's hard to say what the relationship was like other than how it's shaped Leah, and even then they aren't brought up much because Leah is focused on trying to survive. The second important relationship is between Leah and Jefferson. As I already stated, Jefferson served as Leah's attachment to her old home and emotional support for her, and after some petty squabbles, they do finally talk about what happened in Georgia, what's happening now, and people in the wagon train. It's a good friendship but there are hints of a potential relationship blooming between Leah and Jefferson, indicated by Leah's jealousy of Teresa and Jefferson admitting that he knew about Leah's secret the whole time, but I don't romantically ship these two for a few reasons. One I love relationships that are also solid partnerships, like the couple in the Girl of Fire and Thorns trilogy, and these two don't seem to mesh well together as partners. They stand on their own just fine, but I don't have any feeling of how well they work together, let alone if they work well together. They also lack the chemistry that the previously mentioned couple had, and this may be because of the girl hate coming from Leah. And, from a romantic stand point, this couple had a shaky start, with Jefferson proposing to Leah in the hopes that she would leave with him, right after her parents were killed. When she says she wants to stay (because of course she does, her parents were just murdered) he berates her for this choice than leaves her. That isn't something that should be in a partnership. It's a relationship that I prefer as a friendship and not a romance. My favorite relationship was between Leah and Mrs Joyner (not surprising). It's hard to qualify what exactly their relationship is, but readers get to watch it develop from the very beginning, unlike the other two which were previously established. These two didn't start out liking each other for good reasons (Leah thought Mrs. Joyner didn't belong out in the wilderness and Mrs. Joyner thinks Leah is a bad influence because as a boy she was just a shady runaway), but they kept being forced together, and Mrs. Joyner has to rely on Leah, as Lee, more and more. Once it's revealed that Leah is actually a girl to the group, after saving someone's life, none of the women judge her for this and in fact accept her as a bit of a tom boy. Mrs. Joyner is silently supporting Leah, but fully supports her after husband dies. In return Leah helps where she can but still really looks down on women until Mr. Joyner dies. Then I think she starts to respect women, but still struggle's with people leaving, and is there for Mrs. Joyner when she gives birth. Leah really does struggle with developing new relationships because of her past and her prejudices, but that's the big thing at the end of the book, with everyone left in the group standing with Leah, particular Mrs. Joyner, and protecting Leah from Hiram, so maybe she'll get over some of those fears in the second book and more currently established relationships get developed, (and more female friendships).    

Writing: Rae Carson is a fantastic writer! She takes difficult themes and topics and does justice to them in her stories while still making them approachable. One of the biggest themes is oppression of those that are viewed as inferior, like slaves, Native Americans, gay men, and women. Leah is also used as a device to demonstrate the complexity of these problems and that even good people can fall prey to internalized racism or sexism. The story starts out in Georgia, a slave state. What's interesting is that the ones that remember explicitly having slaves are the not so decent people in the story. Over the course of the story Leah talks with two African American men, one who was freed back in Georgia and one who is a runaway slave following the wagon train. The first one, Free Jim, is someone who can empathize with Leah's desire to runaway and hide so he helps her. When she sees him again, she wants to protect him by insisting on calling him Free Jim, but he doesn't want that because it implies he wasn't a human being the entire time and the only label he gets is “freed slave.” The other man, Hampton, had an owner who was part of the wagon train but shortly before his owner died he ran away. Turns out he was following the wagon train the whole time and was survived by stealing scraps from the train. So he's put in a difficult situation of having to be a thief because he's still technically a slave. Also, like Free Jim, Leah says some things that implies she still identifies Hampton as someone who was just a slave, but then says that she would rather be treated with respect than as a lady. When Hampton scoffs at her for this she's confused and doesn't think she says anything wrong. So she demands that people don't do to her exactly what she is doing to Hampton, accessing who they are at only face value. It gets even worse for Native American's because people frequently talk about them not being people, so therefore no crimes can actually be committee against them (although the crimes against them was basically genocide). Again, no one that the readers are supposed to like talks this way, and even the potential love interest is half Cherokee, so there is that representation in the narrative. There is also the college men, who Jasper later admits are confirmed bachelor's, which I think means they're gay but it's not admitting they want to be with other men, it just means they don't want to be with a woman. So there's that pressure to still remain closeted to a certain degree. Carson also always writes women and what it's like to be a woman well. In the previous series there was birth control and talking about sex and consent. In this one Leah talks about getting her period and how she has to conceal it, but still does all of her usual duties. Also there's pregnancy and the dangers that it presents. One of women, Mrs. Lowery dies from child birth because her husband refused to get her any help, which shows the dark truth about what results from a pregnancy gone wrong. Then Mrs. Joyner is pregnant, but still tries to take care of her children and the rest of her business. When she does go into labor, it's a long and difficult process, but she talks to Leah about freedom as a woman and taking opportunities when you can. This scene demonstrates that childbirth takes strength, and raising kids does too. The women in the book aren't like Leah in that she can handle a gun, but the women are also generally more supportive then the men and have that emotional endurance. I think Leah's dislike of other women, and how she looks down on them, is a reflection of the misogyny in America. Women are viewed as weak because they don't do men's work, and it's a man's duty to protect a delicate female. When the Reverend proposes to Leah, he goes about it like it's his duty and talks down to her like he's her superior and she would be a fool not to marry him. Seeing women take more and more positions of explicit power, but still not necessarily shooting a gun, make's me eager to see how these themes are going to be handled in the next book, but I'm sure they will be done well.  

Dislike: For me, the big thing I disliked in this book was the protagonist, Leah. I liked her well enough in the beginning of the book. She seemed to have a knack at survival skills, she was hard working, and she clearly loved her family. But she is quick to judge strangers unfairly, particularly women. I discussed in the writing section that I think this was in place to show the misogyny in America, but the fact that only Leah seemed to be delivering girl hate made me dislike her and I just wished that hadn't been there in the first. I also didn't like that right before Mr. Joyner's death, Leah seemed to be looking for his approval and almost wanted him to fill in the father figure role, even though he was a terrible person. Again it makes sense as to why that was in the narrative, Leah is still mourning the loss of her parents, but to want someone like Mr. Joyner is just, ick. There were also several plot points that I found to be a little too convenient, like Jefferson miraculously being in the same wagon train as Leah. While this was a bit irritating, it only happened a few times in the beginning, so it's easy to overlook, until the end. I thought we were to see Hiram again, but the fact that he found Leah so shortly after she arrived again felt unrealistic.

Final Thoughts:  As I was writing this review, I realized my initial feelings on this book may have been wrong. At first I was just disappointed because I wasn't wowed by it like I was Girl of Fire and Thorns, but writing this highlights how much deeper this book is than I initially gave it credit for. Most of the character are at least complicated if not always likable, and I think the world was very realistic and the narrative did a good job at tackling difficult topics. I still don't hold this book as high as Girl of Fire and Thorns, and it was a bit irritating that I was liking some of the side characters better than Leah, but maybe that will improve with the latter books.