#if anyone wants to go see this it's the example missions from Mr. Wilde and it's GREAT

[hildred-rex]

Every time I read Impossible Landscapes I'm caught entirely unprepared by the solid page of non-stop references to The Repairer of Reputations. I love it so much that I actually kind of want to bite the book.

Lou Castaigne x Connie Nelson in particular is sending me.

[growup-thatbeautiful]

Clone Wars Character on TikTok

Anakin- Poor Anakin, man does not have a that many creative ideas, but his life and ideas are strange enough that he gets a lot of followers easily. He’s also almost constantly videoing things too, so he’s able to get real time. There are so so many videos showing the reactions that Obi-Wan has because of his dumbass plans.

Everyone, literally everyone, thought he was an f-boy until he made a post, super confused, saying that he has a wife?? That he loves so much? So, coincidentally, the next videos he posts are him and his wife, who doesn’t show her face but there’s a poll going on about who it is. Most people have figured it, though, because some of his videos are him just listening to Mrs. Skywalker rant about people in the Senate when she comes home to him.

He also tries to convince everyone that he’s the best husband in the world by videoing himself cooking her dinner, which he always burns. In those videos, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka, staples on Anakin’s account, are heard in the background giving him absolutely terrible advice on how to fix it. They usually end up with burnt pans and a whole bunch of frantic clips of Obi-Wan trying to turn off the oven, “My dear, your time is up.” And Anakin in the background “Force, that’s not going to kriffing work, Master. I’m coming in with the water gun.” (No one questions why there’s a water gun.) Ahsoka is just….chilling in the background. She’s just as clueless as the rest of them, but it’s funnier to watch them almost burn down Padame’s kitchen before she tries to step in and make things worse.

Ahsoka-Her feed is a more controlled chaos than Anakin’s, but chaos nonetheless. She does a lot of dance challenges with Fives, and is sometimes able to rope in Anakin, who tries really hard but is terrible at it, and Rex, who doesn’t actually dance and just stands there staring at the camera. There was one time she got Obi-Wan to do it with her, and he absolutely crushed it. All that grace has to help him somewhere else, right? Because she does dance videos, though, sometimes she get inappropriate comments or duets, which Rex, Obi-Wan, Plo, Fives, and Anakin all duet or make a video about explaining that she’s a minor and how unacceptable this is. Well, that’s what every but Rex does. Rex won’t let anyone, anyone, talk to his little sister like that, so he makes a super menacing video of him cleaning his guns.

Needless to say, she does a lot of videos with Rex. They do a lot of random videos of their conversations and pointless arguments. They also do so a lot of competitions with each other, rather it’s staring contests or sparring matches. Their sparring match videos are actually super popular, and they get more and more intense and complicated as they go on. There are never any weapons involved, but they get to show off combat skills and have huge fights across the ship or compound. Their usually filmed by a hysterical Anakin or Fives. Obi-Wan has made his disapproval clear, but there’s a video on Ahsoka’s account of him betting on the outcome.

Obi-Wan- Mostly on Cottagecore TikTok and posts aesthetic videos of him meditating, making fancy, pretty tea drinks, or any other mundane thing he does. He also posts self-defense videos to teach people how to protect themselves, and gives tips of how to use the force and how to help meditate. I think he posts once a week, but posts a bunch at one time because he’ll have one day of silence where he can get stuff for himself done. Basically, his account is to comfort people, to help people, in perfect Obi-Wan fashion.

He also posts encouraging videos to cheer people up when they need it. Cute messages like “Today’s going to be a good day” with that award winning Negotiator smile that get galaxy wide comments and duets. Sometimes the messages border on him illegally sharing decisions that the Senate’s made, like when he announced on his feed that a certain Planet should get ready to party because a certain vote had gone a certain way.

Sometimes, though, he posts videos of Ahsoka, Anakin, or Cody doing incredibly stupid things. It’s become a series, he shows the person do or say the stupidest things, and then he zooms in on someone else’s face. The most common duo is Anakin and Rex, but sometimes there’s Waxer and Cody, once or twice, Obi-Wan and Cody.

Rex- He doesn’t post a lot, and when he does he’s usually not really in them. People only know him specifically because he’s in so many of Ahsoka’s videos. His are mostly “the stuff I have to deal with videos” showing petty fights between some of the 501st or some animal that a soldier decided they wanted to sneak into the ship. That, of course, lead to a blowup on his account, so he started posting lots of content with his brothers. Ahsoka has the notion that he’s doing it to help the way people see Clones, but he does seem to enjoy it a lot.

He, like Obi-Wan, posts hand to hand combat training video to help people in the galaxy, put his training to more use. He makes sure to show how to hold your first in a punch, how to safely clean a blaster, how to take a punch. Some of his posts are to teach people about clones and mando’a traditions. But he’s not all serious. He likes making videos of him and his brothers when they go out to do things for fun or they go out to 79’s.

This one might be a bit far fetched, but I think he would also post videos of him and Ahsoka doing mundane things together, repainting their armour, making bracelets or some stuff on the floors of the bunks during hyperspace. It’s calmer than what Ahsoka posts, and purposely so.

Fives-Oh man. Fives’ account is a wreck. Half of the videos are him running away from something he’s done and the other half are him running into things that he shouldn’t about to be doing. Shakily filmed, someone (usually himself) screaming in the background, you can hear him panting and out of breath. A lot of the times Anakin is with him or chasing after him, and as you can almost always hear Rex cursing and yelling at them to stop, especially if they haven’t done the thing yet because that means they have a plan. When Fives has a plan it ends up being worse than when he makes it up on the spot. 

He also posts videos of him giving people in the streets compliments, because he’s sweet like that. He usually gets pretty funny reactions most of the time, and the few times they’re bad reactions he simply flips the camera and grimaces, then, of course, starts laughing because he’s not going to let one person put him down.

He also has a series of him painting the Bi flag all over the ship and waiting to see people’s reactions. The cutest was that one time Ahsoka walked past and ran her fingers along it softly and smiling. Also notable was the time Obi-Wan caught him midway through and just pretended he didn’t see him. All of those are posted with the persons permission, of course.

Aayla and Bly- They share an account where they do ALL of the couple-y stuff. Any couples challenge that they’re asked to do, they do. It’s hard to do the challenges like “You could’ve been nicer to me today” because they’re both on it all the time and have definitely heard of it, but they make do with all kinds of others. Aayla and Bly are definitely one of those couples that adopts all the kids that follow their account, and they’re ready to fight anyone who says anything bad the Clones or the Jedi.

There’s also a large amount of videos that some of the 327th takes of them cuddling together, training together, polishing weapons together. Basically, their account is them being cute and the rest of the 327th either being incredibly supportive of them or gagging at all the PDA. They start a trend where they go up in front of random people around the ship and start making out to get the reaction. Some examples of the best reactions are franticly running outside of the room, slapping Bly across the back of the head, and wild cheering.

Cody: You’re kidding, right? He does not have time to do the TikTok, nor does he understand TikTok at all. He is in most of Obi-Wan’s videos, and he’s sometimes in Rex’s too. Most of the time he’s telling all of them not to do whatever they’re about to do, or he’s sitting on the floor and crying with Rex.

Anakin actually started making videos called “When you see your dad and your other dad be romantic.” Where it’s just him finding Obi-Wan and Cody doing cute things in random places, followed by Anakin or Ahsoka making faces at the camera.

Plo- Parent side of TikTok for sure. His account features so many, so many, videos of him doing fun things with the 104th. He may seem like an extremely serious man, but put him with all of his kids and has almost no impulse control. They ask to stop at that restaurant they saw on the way to their mission, and he makes it happen. Everyone pretends not to notice because they wouldn’t dare go against him.

This account is also mostly run by everyone in the 104th because A. Plo doesn’t have a password and B. That’s how they get a bunch of footage. The phone is passed around throughout the day, but all of the content focuses on the Plo’s Bros relationships. Anything that he does, from giving a shiny a thumbs up when he comes up with a new plan, to teaching some of the older clones who are a little overworked how to take deep breaths. All the followers also a learn the Plo is absolutely terrible at any kind of card games, which is shown when they post video after video of the bets he looses.

Next for Star Wars I’ll be doing Bad Batch, then, because this got so long, I’ll do one with some more characters! Sorry it’s so long, this ran away from me a bit.

Some clone wars beautiful mutuals @radbatch (Who is the absolute best person to talk to about Ahsoka ever period end of story) of course and @maiseey (Who is now my my mutual? How?)

[nothisis-ridiculous]

Take Me Home Now: Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen: Another Head Hangs Lowly

Set after the events of ME3.

A rewrite. Ao3.

FemShepxKaidan

Jane watched the shuttle depart with growing unease- she was so close to the one she loved. After eight hundred and fifty-four days, Kaidan was within arms reach if she would just try. Her entire crew, possibly a call away. But trying was hard. Her body shuttered, growing cold for the countless time over the past couple of days. Her mind threatened to leave again, returning to that odd static space that made everything around her feel woozy.

But Jane wasn't Mary.

Why would they come back for Jane when they had forsaken Mary?

Why hadn't they come for her?

Jane could still reach them, grab a cab... pull the whole last minute reuniting in the spaceport bit. It would be romantic- a story of a tragic misunderstanding. Of sorrow and unbearable loss. Or it could be an awkward rejection—a judgment of what she did not do.

She was so close to returning to a part of her old life- how far that would go, she didn't know. She wanted to trust the process, hoped that the Alliance would treat her with compassion; eventually, they would find her. There was only so long she could avoid biometric scanners and technology that would reveal her. The longer she dragged it out a worsening consequence she would face. The Galaxy quickly returned to normal it seemed every day that a part of the old way returned. Jane didn't want to go back any longer... the extreme the thought reached became reprehensible.

The Recruit stalked back into the house, catching the tree-lined glimpse of the bay in the distance. The city's spires were in poor shape, although it was no longer burning. As the memories came filtering through, with the full strength of a Reaper laser igniting in her headspace, she had to turn away from the view. She ran her hand along the couch before slipping onto the surface, flicking through the channels to try and distract herself from... well, everything.

She stopped upon a familiar sight, a chrome android stood behind Joker. The static erupted through her body. Jane knew the beam had not destroyed the AI, but to see an example... without warning, without a chance to realign her perceptions before seeing something so jarring. Joker alone was enough, she turned off the TV before her world blurred entirely.

This would be a long few weeks in the Alenko household.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Evelyn babbled on about the wonders of the galaxy, the kid most excited about her visit to the Spectre visitor center. In contrast, the spectacle of other planets, multiple species, and wondrous vistas were left on the wayside. Helen and Roy seemed to enjoy their time with Kaidan; Roy was a lot more boisterous about his visits but the joy was peppered with worry. Helen watched her quietly. Jane was careful not to betray emotion.

"I'm glad you all had a good time," Jane forced a smile, the ugly jealousy squeezed her heart, "but I should be going."

"But Kaidan's coming over for dinner. You should stay," Roy gruffed.

This was the exact time she should have come clean. She should have come clean long ago. When she first found out who they were. But after these last weeks and the threat of running headfirst into the man that had abandoned her, Jane was running scared.

"That's nice of you, but I made plans already," it wasn't a complete lie, though plans were just a hotel room near Alliance headquarters.

"That's a shame," Roy conceded.

Jane left for her room, but not alone. Little Evelyn trailed behind her.

"So, I met another Spectre, well three actually," she said smugly once they were behind closed doors.

"Oh?"

"Kaidan is a Spectre," Eveyln said matter-of-factly, "did you know him?"

Jane slammed her footlocker shut a little too violently, "yeah."

"I learned there was only two human Spectres," The kid shuffled onto the bed, leaning over the locker. The kid's light brown eyes looked at her with scrutiny.

"Yup," it came out nonchalant, but a tear slipped out.

Evelyn grabbed her face, morphing it around, "you're the Shepard."

"Kid-"

"He was sad too."

"There's things-," Jane sighed, gently pulling her face away, "did you tell anyone?"

"Spectre missions are super-secret," She replied solemnly, "I got you something, though! Close your eyes!"

She complied, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Open!"

A grin crawled across her face, the largest sticker she had seen covered the top of her footlocker. The SPECTRE logo proudly displayed on the top of the otherwise plain luggage," this might give me away."

"Or make someone think twice before messing with your stuff!"

"Good point," she tried to hide the roll of her eyes. It wasn't that the gift was stupid; it was just another fucking reminder.

Jane said her goodbyes to the rest of the family.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

It was, admittedly, an excursion to the shuttle station hoisting a footlocker around. Over a shoulder, with both hands, even floating it biotically grew tiring. She could have taken a ride, but she claimed to want the walk. She liked walking.

True enough.

But it was to avoid questions or from her mouth from spilling out secrets that were way past due. Was it a betrayal at this point? One more in the past, when they feared what had happened to their son. She could have offered some insight, some answer other than the limbo of possibilities.

Fuck.

The locker tumbled from her grip, descending down the path forcing her to jog after it. A few tumbles down, and clothes and her possessions started to fly from the footlocker littering the trail. Taking up precious time to sweep up the articles as the crate came to a stop on the base of the downward slope.

"You okay?"

"Just clumsy," she mumbled, playing through an inventory of her things, "fuck, the chit."

"Let me help," the man's omni-tool lit up, "ah, over there-"

The figure's shadowed arm pointed to something a couple of meters downhill of them, Jane ducked past him beelining for the chit. His tool fired a beam of light in the direction he pointed out, cutting through the twilight darkness with ease. Jane slid to the ground, but the man had the same idea the light from his omni-tool directly striking her in the face.

"You must be-" his voice trembled, gentle fingers snaked over her wrist, "Shepard?"

Her eyes slowly adjusted, the moment dragging as the light dipped out of her direct vision. His left thumb caressed a scarred cheek making sure he didn't see a ghost again. No, she was tangible, different, but it was the woman that haunted his life.

"Kaidan?" he was little more than a blur.

Tenderly she was pulled to her feet but not so carefully crushed into him. The line of his jaw pressed uncomfortably into her skull, nuzzling into the padding of hair beneath it. Pulling in an unfamiliar sweet scent, one far outside the simple requisition supplies the military offered. He liked it.

"Mary, you-" she felt the tears before the break of his voice.

"You didn't come back for me," Jane snarled, shoving him away from her.

Kaidan's back cushioned him against the tree and now she could get a better look at him. His hair had grown out, the curls cresting his earlobes still salt and peppered down to the scraggly beard- it was likely a little past regulation but who would dare fault him? His shirt fit tighter around the torso, but it looked good on him. The tired and hollow eyes she did not like.

"You were dead," he exclaimed, charging back for her, "they found your tags, what little remained of your armour."

"I waited for- waited for you at the beam! Eight hundred and fifty-two days and you couldn't manage to come looking for me?"

"I told you I couldn't handle losing you again," he wasn't entirely angry, the sorrow coming out in every beat but he stopped his charge. His hands scrounged through his hair, eyes wild as they searched for something, "I didn't want to see- to go back to-"

"You couldn't handle what I had done?"

"What?" Kaidan's head shook, "besides, it's not like you made it easy. Who is this Jane? Did you not want to come back?"

"Fuck you!" she screamed, blue light dancing around her.

"Don't be irrational," Kaidan chided.

Jane took the first few steps forward, the man mirrored her. While he sought peace, she could only feel the bubbling of resentment. Everything in her ran hot, then suddenly cold in rapid succession. At the moment, she didn't know if she wanted blood, a screaming match, or to be held. The reality was a mix of all three.

"Mary! Kai!"

The biotics stopped, glancing up the hill.

Helen wedged her way between them, no fear showing from the small woman, the immensity of her aura enough to overcome the obstacle of darkness. Kaidan backed down first, his head lowering. Jane took a few moments longer to quell but only looked away with a huff. She wouldn't be cowed.

More footsteps followed in the silent moments that followed.

Mr. Alenko was the first to come into view, his hands resting on his legs as his breath caught up, "Helen, what's wrong? You left in- Recruit? Kaidan?"

"Roy, you should meet Mary Shepard," Helen half hissed.

"Recruit?"

Jane's head hung, running a hand through her hair in an effort to soothe, now she was cowed into submission. All the fight wound out of her, drained like a ballon of water.

Helen returned her gaze to the two of them, "you'll both come back home and talk this out," her finger pointed at both of them, "like adults. We are not breaking anything. Kai? Ja-Mary?"

"Ma'am."

"Yes, Mom."

A small hand took Jane's, pulling her down once the rest of the group was out of earshot, "You would have won."

Jane shot her a look, despite how little it mattered under the canopy of trees and stars.

"I wanted to see a Spectre fight."

It felt unnatural to laugh.

[bamon4bamily]

TVD 9x16 - What happens in Vegas... (part 2 of part 2) Enjoy! =)

It’s absolute madness… clearly not a chapel, nothing holy about this place.

 LEXI: Now I’m really starting to get worried. How the hell did we end up here?

KATHERINE: Looks like someone has a thing for kink.

BONNIE: Probably you!

KATHERINE: Oh, I own it. Definitely my type of scene.

BONNIE: (To herself) Why do I even bother?

ELENA: Let’s walk around, see if anyone recognizes us.

KATHERINE: First, what makes you think you are so unique to be recognized? Second, look at every one here, they’re all wearing costumes. Guessing that was the reason behind your ill-fitting outfit, Maria.

ELENA: Better than stripper shoe ho.

BONNIE: Guys, come on; we need to focus. Maybe we can talk to some bartenders, or security.

KATHERINE: It’s our best bet. Bonnie and I can check with the bartenders, you two with security; we’ll meet back here in 20. (The girls part ways on their assigned mission).

BONNIE: (Looking at the decadence, and straight out insanity) How did we ever end up here… why, god, why…

KATHERINE: I know you think this was all me, but my money is on Radka. Trust me, the intellectual types are always the craziest ones. (They approach the bar, she leans in, talks to the bartender). Hello, stud, think you can get these two ladies a bourbon?

BONNIE: What? No!

KATHERINE: (Whispering) Do you want information or not!? We need to blend in, so don’t be a crybaby and play along. It might help with the hangover.

BARTENDER: (Turns around an immediately recognizes them) Oh, no; you two are cut off. How are you still here?! I’m surprised you are even alive…

KATHERINE: Listen, sweetie, we are having some difficulty trying to remember why we were here last night, and the events that took place in this unholy scenario.

BARTENDER: (Laughs) You don’t remember?

BONNIE: Nothing at all. So, please, help us out? We are missing a friend; we really need to find her and head back home.

BARTENDER: Let me guess, you are missing one of the “newlyweds”. Who, the nun or the priest?

BONNIE: What priest?

BARTENDER: The blonde cheery one.

KATHERINE: (Cracks up) Oh, this is too good!

BONNIE: No, no, no… Caroline?!

BARTENDER: Yeah, I think that’s her name. Except she kept referring to herself as Father Forbes… Listen, I see a lot of fucked up things around here, but I have to say, your little entourage, craziest shit ever!

KATHERINE: So, those two got married?

BARTENDER: Not for real, just role-playing, that’s our thing. Weirdest “wedding” I’ve seen in here… Weirdest thing I’ve seen, period.

BONNIE: I can definitely use a drink now.

BARTENDER: Fine, there’s no way I can say no to that face (he serves them the drink).

BONNIE: Can you tell us anything else?

KATHERINE: Like our choice of costumes, for example.

BARTENDER: Well, there was the nun and the priest… You (referring to Bonnie), were dressed like Whitney Houston, in her “Queen of the Night” outfit, and totally rocked it! You (to Katherine), were dressed as The Bodyguard. Then there was Anthony and Cleopatra… Oh, and the other two,  Britney Spears and the Police Officer; can’t forget those two, hilarious!

BONNIE: I’m beginning to see a pattern…

KATHERINE: Aw, Bon Bon, we were an item! Talk about a dream team!

BONNIE: Wait… Britney Spears and a cop?

BARTENDER: Yeah, they were pretty wild. I have to hand it to her, she totally pulled it off, could have fooled me.

BONNIE: Please tell me the nun and the priest were the only ones that got “married”.

BARTENDER: (Smirks) They were. You two were gonna give it a go, but you ran out of cash, and we don’t accept cards, so…

BONNIE: Thank god!

KATHERINE: If only you were that lucky! But I have to say, I would have paid some serious money just to see Damon’s face react to the news.

BONNIE: Just focus! Anything else you can tell us?

BARTENDER: Well… Cleopatra kept going on and on about a bet… and something about a clown. You (referring to Katherine) and the nun kept ranting about some Doppelgänger’s curse… The priest kept talking to Britney Spears and the cop about this guy, Stefan, I think it was? Anthony, maybe the craziest one out of you all, kept howling as she “dug up” the ground looking for bones… And, this goddess right here (referring to Bonnie); ruled the stage like the queen she is.

BONNIE: Oh… no I didn’t…

BARTENDER: You sure did; and it was spectacular! Best thing that has ever happened to me…

KATHERINE: Looks like someone is crushing.

BARTENDER: I’m totally lovestruck; and if you ever change your mind about that Damon guy, you know where to find me (winks).

BONNIE: Okay, uhm… thank you, I guess.  

KATHERINE: Do you know around what time we were here? How long we stayed?

BARTENDER: Sorry, can’t help you there. Time doesn’t exist in this place.

BONNIE: Well, thanks for the info.

BARTENDER: Till we meet again, my queen (they walk away).

Cut to – another part of the bar. Elena and Lexi spot what they are almost certain is a security guard and approach him. The second he recognizes them he calls for back up, they find Katherine and Bonnie, and take them all out through the back door.

SECURITY GUARD: No, no… you are all banned from here, for at least a year. Don’t try coming back before that (they leave).

KATHERINE: Well, that’s that… Who wants to bet the reason we got banned from this place, was the nun and the priest.

ELENA: What priest?

KATHERINE: The one you married (can’t help but laugh).

ELENA: (Looks at Bonnie) Wait, you found the guy I married!? Who is he!? Where is he!?

BONNIE: Uhm… more like a she… and we have no idea, that’s who we’re trying to find…

ELENA: (Looking confused) What?...

LEXI: And I thought I had seen it all… (Cracks up) Holy fuck, you married the bride!!

ELENA: What!! No!! Shut up!!

BONNIE: Oh, you did… 

... but don’t worry, it was only pretend.

ELENA: No, no, no, no… how could that be??

BONNIE: Did you see that place?! Wouldn’t be the wildest thing going on in there… Oh, and I think we kidnapped the “cop” from here. The bartender told us we were with two other people, one dressed like a cop, the other, like Britney Spears.

LEXI: Why in god’s name would we hang out with someone who’s choice for a costume was Britney Spears?!

ELENA: Why in god’s name would I pretend-marry Caroline!!! We really need to find her, and get out of here, like now! 

(One of the security guards that had just kicked them out, sneaks back to talk to them, sensing they could use some help).

SECURITY GUARD: Ladies, remember, the answer always lies within a woman’s purse… (leaves).

KATHERINE: Talk about a nut house. What the hell was up with that?

BONNIE: (It hits her) Everyone, check your purses and phones…

KATHERINE: Duh! (They search for clues).  

LEXI: I found something… (takes out a clown nose). Doesn’t give us much insight, but I think it’s safe to say that there was definitely a clown involved…

KATHERINE: And a Doctor? (Takes out a stethoscope).

ELENA: (Browsing her phone) Great… the she-devil was right; I did invite her…

KATHERINE: (Smirks) Told you so…

BONNIE: Well, for some reason, I have Caroline’s phone… (she goes through the phone, finds some “useful” messages, if they can manage to decipher them). She sent Stefan a WhatsApp at 10:30pm…

CAROLINE: OMG!! You will not believe where I am right now!!!

STEFAN: What are you ladies up to??

CAROLINE: I’ll give you a hint… Hit me baby one more time…

STEFAN: Hell, no!! Really??!!

CAROLINE: Yessss! The girls surprised me!!! They’re the best!!!!

STEFAN: Didn’t know she was performing in Vegas…

CAROLINE: She has a residency; think she’s living here now.

STEFAN: Interesting… How’s the show?

CAROLINE: It’s soooo amazing!! Have to go now, love you! I’ll write you in a bit XOXO

STEFAN: Love you too! Have fun, but not too much fun!

CAROLINE: Ditto!

 Then she wrote him at 11:30…

 CAROLINE: OMG!OMG!OMG! Bonnie just hooked us up with backstage passes!! I can’t believe I’m actually going to meet her!!

STEFAN: (laughing emoji) Send her my regards… wait… no, don’t!

CAROLINE: WTF?!!! You’ve met her?? How come you never told me!!!! You know I’m a huge fan!!!

STEFAN: Long time ago, long story…. Whatever you do don’t mention Bon Jovi

CAROLINE: You have to tell me the story!! Ooh, but not now, were about to go inside!! Love you!

STEFAN: Just remember, not everything is what it seems!!

 Then she wrote him at 1am…

 CAROLINE: Stefan Salvatore, how dare you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have some explaining to do!!! And, just so you know, I’m with Brit!!!!!!!!!! You’re in trouble young man!! OMG! Gotta go, Britney is taking us to church!! This isn’t over Mr.!!!

And he wrote back at 2:40am…

STEFAN: Caroline Elizabeth Forbes, don’t trust her!! I’ll give her hers!!!!!!! Screw Kai’s wedding, going get revenge, got Matt’s unicorn… shit battery low, stall!!! Love yooo

 That’s it… last message. No photos, which is probably for the best…

KATHERINE: Well, guess that sort of answers the Kai question.

ELENA: (To Bonnie) I still can’t believe you let him out… I know he seems to have changed, but I just can’t get past what he did to us.

KATHERINE: Oh, please! Don’t be a hypocrite. You can get over Damon killing your brother, but you can’t get over Kai putting you in a nap? Talk about double standards!

ELENA: Oh, don’t you dare talk to me about standards, or killing my brother!

LEXI: (Sarcastic) And here we go again… (To herself) Should have definitely gone with the boys… way too much drama here.

BONNIE: Guys, please, let’s drop this. We really need to get our shit together and find Caroline.

ELENA: Fine, fine… Sorry, Bon, you’re right. But we still have no idea where she could be. We got nothing!

LEXI: Okay, hear me out, and this may sound crazy, but it’s all I got… Judging from the messages, we did meet Britney Spears backstage, right? So, what if the look alike, was not a look alike… what if we came here with her?

ELENA: That’s absurd!

KATHERINE: This coming from the nun who married a priest and woke up holding a dildo…

ELENA: Wait, how do you know I was holding a… You know what, never mind, I don’t want to know.

KATHERINE: Trust me, you don’t (winks).

LEXI: It’s not impossible… Think about it, what better way to avoid being recognized than hiding in plain sight.

BONNIE: That’s true… Maybe we did come here with the real Britney … and at some point, we decided to kidnap her cop pal…

KATHERINE: If we want any answers, I think we all know what we need to do… Who’s up for some good old fashion stalking?

ELENA: Oh, god, really?

KATHERINE: Got a better idea?

ELENA: (Rolls her eyes) No…

BONNIE: I’ll get us an uber. (Suddenly, a van pulls into the alley, a group of guys get out. They shoot Katherine and Lexi with vervain, Bonnie and Elena with sedatives; they put them in the van and drive away).  

Cut to - The middle of the desert. 

The girls, still inside the van, begin to wake up slowly, one by one. First one to regain consciousness, Katherine (why am I not surprised).

KATHERINE: What the…

KEVIN: Where is AJ?

KATHERINE: Who the hell are you, and who the hell is AJ?!

NICK: You don’t recognize us? I mean, I know we’ve aged, but, really?

BRIAN: Look closer…

KATHERINE: (Staring at their faces…) No idea.

HOWIE: Let’s see if this refreshes your memory… Ready, boys? 

(They start singing “I want it that way”, a Capella).

KATHERINE: Nop; I got nothing…

NICK: Oh, c'mon! Really??

KEVIN: Never mind, just tell us where AJ is…

KATHERINE: I told you I don’t know any AJ!! What I do know, is that you have made the worst mistake of your life!

 (She tries to fang it up, but is too weak).

HOWIE: (Smirks) Vervain… ain’t that a bitch!

ELENA: (Wakes up, still a bit dazed) You got that right… (as soon as she realizes who they are with, she reacts). OMG!!! Are you kidding me?!! Is this for real?!

BRIAN: Oh, it’s very real…

ELENA: (Fangirling hard) OMG! OMG! I love you guys!!!!

NICK: Ah, there we go! I knew we still had it!

ELENA: What are you guys doing here? (Teasing) Have you come to save us from our captors?

KATHERINE: Wake up and smell the felony, sweetie, they are our captors!

ELENA: What? No way!… (Looks at them) That’s not true, right? (They nod; she looks distraught) But… but…why? 

(Bonnie and Lexi start to wake up.)

BONNIE: (Holding her head, looking quite confused) Where are we?

LEXI: (Also looking out of it) Oh, god… not again…

BRIAN: Okay, now that you are all awake, we’ll ask again, where is AJ?

BONNIE: Oh, shit… am I hallucinating? I must be hallucinating… I could swear I’m looking at the Backstreet Boys…

HOWIE: You are, and we are pissed! So, once again, where the hell is AJ!

LEXI: Calm down, boys, I’m sure we can all figure this out…  

KEVIN: Ladies, you seem like nice people, (turns to Katherine) except for you. Just tell us where our friend is, and we’ll be good.

ELENA: (Connecting the dots)… Uhm, question, did he happen to wear a cop uniform last night?

NICK: Probably. He always gets in cosplay when he goes to that freak bar with Brit. Last we heard he was heading there with her and a couple of crazy girls… I’m assuming those are you…

BRIAN: Care to fill us in on what happened to him?

BONNIE: We are trying to figure that out ourselves… we don’t remember much about last night, but I think he might be at our hotel…

ELENA: Listen, guys, we’re so sorry. We were really out of it last night, didn’t know what we were doing. We woke up this morning and found someone sleeping in the master bedroom…  he was dressed like a cop, had a face cover and was all tied up… We panicked and fled.

KEVIN: Where are you guys staying?

ELENA: At The Mirage.

BRIAN: Room number?

KATHERINE: Villa 3, we travel in style.

ELENA: We can take you there.

KEVIN: We’ll definitely be going there. You, on the other hand, won’t be going anywhere, unless you can find your way out of this place… Good luck with that. Don’t worry, we’ll leave you the van. We’re mad but we’re not cruel (a car pulls up).

BRITNEY: (Rolls down her window and smirks) Mission accomplished; let’s go, boys! (They hop into the car and drive away. 

The girls get out of the van to get a better idea of where they are).

BONNIE: What the hell just happened?!

LEXI: Well, one mystery is solved. Now we need to find a way to get our asses out of here.

KATHERINE: Who wants to bet fangirl here (referring to Elena), was the one that kidnapped their cop friend.

ELENA: God! Do you have a mute button or something!

BONNIE: (Caroline’s phone rings) Shit! It’s Damon! What should I do?!

LEXI: Given our current situation, I really think you should answer… (Bonnie takes the call).

DAMON: Care, it’s Damon… Listen ...The bachelor party got a little crazy and, well...we lost Stefan.

BONNIE: Uhm…think we might have a problem of our own…

DAMON: Bon?

BONNIE: It’s me, I think… Anyway; the bachelorette got a little crazy too, and, well… we lost Caroline.

DAMON: (Can’t help but laugh) Where are you?

BONNIE: (Embarrassed) In the middle of the desert…

DAMON: So are we! Maybe we can find each other…

BONNIE: Damon, this desert is huge, there’s no way we are going to find each other.

DAMON: Bon Bon, are you forgetting we have a psychic link? We can find each other.

BONNIE: Well, I can feel you… but my powers are all screwed up…

DAMON: (Getting some of his senses back; he takes a closer look and realizes that what he thought was a mirage, might be something else…) Bon, I don’t think you need your powers; just turn around…

BONNIE: What?

DAMON: Just turn around… (she turns around; at a distance she sees some shadows).

BONNIE: Okay, I turned around…. all I see is desert, and some weird shadows.

DAMON: That’s because you have horrible vision. Keep walking… (teasing, with a ghost like voice) walk towards the shadows, Bon Bon. What do you see? (She walks, until she finally has a better vision of what is on the other side…).

BONNIE: I might still be drunk… but I swear, I think I see you?

DAMON: (Smiles) And you would be right. Told you we would find each other, we always do. (They laugh and reunite with that iconic Bamon hug).

LEXI: (Who has also turned around and spotted the boys) Well, will you look at that, what are the odds! Come on, ladies, looks like we aren’t the only ones lost (they walk towards the boys).

KATHERINE: (Looking at Damon and Bonnie hug, turns to Elena, who is also watching) Ouch! 

Stings, doesn’t it?

ELENA: (Tired of this endless feud of theirs) What do you want from me?

KATHERINE: I want you to admit it.

ELENA: Admit what?

KATHERINE: That you are jealous. You know, deep down inside, we are not that different.

ELENA: (Looking at Damon and Bonnie) I guess we aren’t… 

(she walks away; Katherine smirks).

DAMON: (To the side) Listen, Bon, before word gets out, I need to tell you myself… (Shameful) I stripped danced to Britney Spears…

BONNIE: (Laughs) 

Well… you always do that when you’re drunk; you just don’t remember. And, I love it (kisses him). 

Listen, I have a confession of my own…

DAMON: (Knowing what she’s about to say) Oh no… you didn’t?!

BONNIE: (Shameful) I did…

DAMON: “Queen of the Night”...?

BONNIE: The works…  Except, this time it wasn’t in front of a mirror…

DAMON: Oh, god…where?

BONNIE: Center stage, at this weird ass club.

DAMON: (Laughs, and teases) Well… you always do that when you’re drunk; you just don’t remember. And, I love it (kisses her; they laugh in complicity).

BONNIE: Okay… I’m not even gonna ask why you guys have a cop car, or why you are in your underwear. We need to move fast if we want to find the bride and groom in time to catch the last plane out.

DAMON: I feel like a no questions policy is the best way to go for now.

BONNIE: I agree. Unless you want to know why Caroline and Elena got married, dressed like a nun and a priest…

DAMON: (Laughs) Oh, I don’t want to know, I need to know!

BONNIE: (Smirks) No questions policy… (gives him a peck on the lips). Come on, let’s get out of here.

Cut to – The girl’s villa. After a few failed attempts the gang finally manages to find their way out of the desert and back to the villa.  

 DAMON: (Looking at the wreckage) 

Jesus, Bon! And I thought our hotel bill was gonna be bad.

BONNIE: Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

ALARIC: Okay, so what’s the plan? We got two hours to make the flight, and we are still clueless as to where they are.

KAI: Let’s think… Britney said Stefan was where he belonged; where could that be?

IKER: Yeah, I don’t think we can make any sense out of what she said. That girl got some issues!

ELENA: Tell me about it! She’s definitely overrated. 

(Radka, who had stayed behind, given her condition, comes out of one of the bedrooms; as soon as she sees Ric, she runs to hug him).

RADKA: God, am I glad to see you!

ALARIC: Me too (they kiss).

RADKA: Remind me never to trust champagne again!

ALARIC: I know, champagne bad…

DAMON: Okay, enough with the reunions, can we focus here people! Clock is ticking!

BONNIE: Yes, but first we need to check if our hostage situation has been taken care of.

DAMON: Hostage situation? Bon Bon, what did you do?

BONNIE: Better to leave that unanswered. Elena, come with me?

ELENA: (Sarcastic) For better or worse… (They go into the master bedroom; the place is exactly how they left it. Someone, AJ apparently, still sleeping on the bed, covered from head to toe).

BONNIE: That’s strange… you would have thought they had come to get him already…

ELENA: Yeah, something seems off…

BONNIE: Let’s take a peek… (they approach the bed and check under the covers…) Holy shit! 

(She takes Elena’s hand and immediately teleports out of the room).

ELENA: (Dizzy) Bonnie!

BONNIE: Sorry, I was not expecting to see that!!

ELENA: Yeah, neither was I… (she and Bonnie laugh in complicity).

DAMON: What happened?

BONNIE: Uhm, well... we found Stefan…

DAMON: That’s great! One down, one to go. So… (looks around) where is he?

BONNIE: In the master bedroom… But I would really advise you prepare yourself for what you are about to see…

DAMON: Oh, come on, can’t be that bad…

BONNIE: Trust me, it can.

 Damon goes into the master bedroom, approaches the bed cautiously, takes the cover off… It’s Stefan alright, but just as Bonnie had warned him, he was definitely not expecting to see him like that. There he was, his beloved brother, wearing a schoolgirl outfit; blonde wig, piggy tails with pink scrunchies; lovely makeup; impeccable manicured hands, one holding a dildo, the other, a disposable camera.

DAMON: (To himself, sarcastically) Well, this picture is going to haunt me forever… 

(Stefan begins to wake up slowly). Hello, brother (smirks).

STEFAN: Damon…(looking very dazed and confused) Where am I?

DAMON: (Mocking)  Here’s a better question… Who are you?

STEFAN: What?

DAMON: Oh, brother (points to the mirror above the bed), look...

STEFAN: (Looks at the mirror… she got him)  It’s Britney… bitch! (He then realizes what he is holding in his hand, and immediately throws it as far away as he can).

DAMON: How many times did I tell you not to mess with the Brit! Anyway, no time for hangover regrets; we are in a bit of a predicament…

STEFAN: No shit, Damon! Look at me!

DAMON: I’d rather not, but that’s not what I’m talking about… Your bride is MIA.

STEFAN: What! I knew this was a terrible idea!

DAMON: Calm down, bro. I’m sure we’ll find her, sooner or later. Hopefully in a less compromising position. (Suddenly, he hears moans coming from the bathroom…) Ha, you gotta be kidding me! (He goes inside. Just as he suspected, there, lying in the bathtub, was the missing piece… The bride, dressed like a priest, empty bottle of vodka in one hand, a disposable camera in the other. He smirks; can’t resist to greet her with sarcastic commentary). Forgive me father, for I have sinned…

CAROLINE: (Very confused) Damon?... What are you doing here? 

(Looks around) … Where is here… (Grabs her head) God, my head is killing me… (looks at her attire) What the… What the hell happened last night?!!

DAMON: Wouldn’t we all like to know, but judging from what we’ve seen so far, it’s probably best that we don’t. Come on (helps her up), we need to move fast if you want to make it to the church on time.

CAROLINE: Oh, you better get me to the church on time! Let’s go! Wait… (goes back to the tub and takes the camera).

DAMON: (As they are about to walk out of the bathroom) Just a heads up, Barbie; brace yourself for what you are about to see (smirks)…

 The gang, avoiding any further questioning, focus on reassembling, packing it up, and fleeing as fast as possible. Close call, but they manage to catch their flight, and finally, head back home. A promise was made, no one was to talk about what happened, if they ever remembered. What happened in Vegas, stayed in Vegas… but, did it?

 TVD 9X17 - I will love you forever. Coming next! Hope you stop by, read, and enjoy! =)

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

The Girl I Met on the Internet (Holy, Part 1.)

Series description: Your bestie Kim was a free-spirited person who wasn’t exactly concentrated on finding herself a partner. Yet one day, she recieves a phone number and this time, you didn’t want to keep the person on the other end hanging. And so, you text them, no matter who they are.

Part summary: A party was something unseen in Brownsville, for at least five years. You and your friends go there - and you get a hold on an unknown person’s number sent to your bestie by Stanley Barber.

A/N: I know that I’ve done this with Whatsapp series already but... This just seemed like a super-sweet idea for a closeted queer Sydney is. 

Tagging: x

Sydney’s tape: go fuck yourself

Series masterlist: H E R E

It was a wild evening. The kind of wild you knew you'll remember until the day you die. That was clear as day. Well, in the end, something like this happened once in every five years in Brownsville. What was happening, you might ask?

People puking on the toilets - some of them proceeded to do quite a variety of sexual activities in the said cabins. Drunk dudes were undressing, girls throwing their bras and/or panties (in the worse case) onto the stage. Everyone was dancing, yelling, laughing, and drinking more than they drank beforehand. Oh. And it was a concert. An indie band underground concert. Which naturally caught the attention of many youngsters living in the small town.

Naturally, everyone, there was drunk as fuck and when these said people weren't drunk, they were as high as a kite. Don't be silly - almost no-one there was over the age of 21. No, we're talking about high schoolers. Said reason was the main one for most of the parents not knowing that their children were out there, partying. The whole school was there in the underground club.

Your friend, Kim, managed to assemble the full party - you were there, your gay friend Aaron came, and on top, he brought his boyfriend with him. They disappeared for a while, leaving you and Kim and the bar to buy some beer. Naturally, you had a very vivid idea about what they were doing, but you just let the boys handle their business.

"So..." - You started quietly, looking around at all the young people. Not only your schoolmates were there, but also youngsters from the nearby towns had come there. - "You see some lucky person you like?" - At this question, Kim grinned and took another sip of her beer.

Kim was someone who didn't care about gender or relationships. She was mostly focused on having one night stands and God, she could afford it. She was, indeed, gorgeous in her way. And you were as pretty as she was, yet it wasn't in your nature to just... Approach people. For the most part, you were sure that you're into boys.

But many instances had shown you to never say never. For example, there was this so-called lesbian... Well, now, she was pregnant with a dude who was working in local 7/11, so she couldn't be such a lesbian she proclaimed to be just half a year ago, could she?

"What about you?" - Kim asked back without answering the initial question, sipping from her cup of beer while intensely looking at one chick on the dance floor who was breaking her pelvis while attempting to twerk. Or whatever she was doing.

"Nah. I'm far behind dudes for a while now. We don't wanna repeat the David thing which ended what... A month ago?" - Yeah. As you were shaking your head, there was a grin on your face. David was portraying the role of Mr. Perfect, to put it somehow. Well, in the end, he wasn't as perfect as he wanted you to believe. And when you realized how much of a fraud that person was, you brought the hell on him.

Yet as soon as Kim smirked, even more, you knew she's about to say something borderline controversial. - "Maybe you're searching in the wrong crowd? But who am I to judge." - You watched how her shoulders shrug as you rolled your eyes.

Kim wasn't as much help in the relationship advice department as you'd expect your best friend to be. Every time you've been whining about the escapades with boys, she looked you dead in the eyes, telling you to find yourself a girlfriend. To which, you usually rolled your eyes even harder, telling her that this side of things is her domain more than yours.

And again, she had a response to that - when you meet the person, there doesn't exist a thing like a gender. Sure, she was probably right, but you decided not to jump to conclusions. If you were about to live through some sort of a queer awakening, you wanted it to strike you just like that. You never talked to a girl to ask her out or whatever.

If it was about to happen, who would you be to stop it, right? But you weren't the person who would walk to meet it. So, for the last couple of years, it was Kim's mission to find you a girlfriend. And when you asked her why, she just answered that for a reason, she gets the queer vibes from you.

"Here are my favorite boys!" - Kim cried out as you both saw Aaron and his boyfriend making their way to you. They both looked relaxed as fuck, so that made you more or less sure about what these two were up to on the restrooms. Either they were doing the mentioned sexual activities or they were doing some drugs - and then doing something sexual. Aaron rose his hands above his head, straightening the football jacket on his shoulder just before he hugged one of your shoulders and one of Kim's shoulder. Kim sighed, leaning the back of her head into Aaron's broad shoulder.

"I have... This for you, miss Possible." - His fingers suddenly pulled a small paper from somewhere on his palm, handing Kim a piece of paper with a number written on it. This occurred rather frequently. For an unknown reason, guys neither girls never thought that Kim is an insufferable asshat. She was receiving numbers on pieces of paper now and then - well, she could decorate her whole room with the numbers. As usual, Kim took the paper and looked at Aaron, waiting for the story of this particular number. In the meantime, Aaron's boyfriend left you standing there, going for a cig outside. - "You won't believe this." - Aaron rose his eyebrow, shaking both of you with a childish smile. - "Stanley Barber gave me this number."

"Stan the Man is here? Why didn't you tell me earlier? He sure as hell has some good weed." - Kim widened her eyes, ready to go on a search for Stanley immediately. But Aaron was still holding her in one place, having a dead stare in his eyes. - "Hold your horses. To answer your question, yes, he has his joints with him. But this number belongs to one of his friends who was too shy to approach you. And in exchange for the weed, he wants you to text her." - Aaron explained simply.

Stanley Barber... How would you describe Stanley? You couldn't describe the boy. He was something completely out of this word. No, he and your group of friends weren't friends, but you weren't enemies either. You had more or less a neutral relationship. Sometimes you hung out around each other, sometimes you hadn't seen the boy in weeks. Well... At least you tried not to see him. Stanley himself was unmissable. This boy sometimes came stoned to school, wearing sunglasses and banging his head into walls left and right. His clothes were unmissable as well. Stan was just... Unmissable.

Yet, honestly, you never saw him with anyone who could be seen as a friend figure. Never fucking ever. There was a high probability that Stan was high once again. First and foremost - was this friend real? Second of all - was it a girl or a boy? As soon as you saw Kim's face, you knew she's not texting anyone - but for the first time, it struck you as wrong. Stanley was a cool dude for the most part. You could say that you technically liked the boy. When you realized how much weed he had already invested to keep the relationship on neutral, this was the smallest thing Kim could do.

"Not happening." - "Don't be a bitch." - Aaron rolled his eyes, sighing. - "Stanley gave you as much weed as a cow eats per month. This is nothing to repay him, huh? And... It can end in something fun for you." - The boy proposed and for once, you had to say that Aaron was right. - "Not happening, babe. Stanley's friend is just as weird as he is and I don't wanna do anything in common with that. But let's smoke some fucking pot!" - Kim put both her palms up the air, crying out cheerfully.

"You should text that person. Stan's cool for the most part." - You took Aaron's side in this not-even-an-argument. At that, Kim turned at you and put the small piece of paper into your palm. - "If you can't beat them, join them. I think I know how this would play out, so, now's your turn to try texting a stranger." - Her fingers gently patted your cheek before she turned on her heels, dragging Aaron along. You wanted to go home anyway. And as you watched Kim and the big quarterback disappearing in the distance, you turned on your heels to leave the place as well.

It was a nice evening. You had seen someone gulping down a whole fucking cup of beer under one minute without throwing it out, you saw a dude undressing in front of the stage, a shit ton of people making out, and a few of them throwing up. Sometimes doing these things simultaneously. Which was as impressive as scary. But honestly, you were fucking tired.

Silently, you snuck through the house, closing the door behind. Just when you wanted to call the whole operation a success, you almost stumbled over Mr. Skittles, your super-extra-old tomcat. Even when you almost screamed and Mr. Skittles almost hissed at you pretty loudly to put you back into your place, you both stayed silent and looked at each other. Not too long after that, you were already laying in your bed, trying to fall to sleep.

The next morning, Kim rolled to your house in her old, falling apart Beetle. She was looking worse than you - there were sunglasses on her eyes, she sure as hell hasn't done her make-up in the morning, she didn't even comb her hair, she just put a baseball cap over it. - "You look fucking disgusting." - Was the first thing you told her when you opened up the door. Kim leaned closer to you, pulling her sunglasses down for a minute to look you in the eyes. - "You. Have. No. Idea." - And with that, you set on your way to school.

There still was a mysterious number which was given to Kim. You didn't throw it away but you weren't exactly overhyped to text them. You didn't want to lose the small piece of paper, but you didn't keep it on your field of vision. But there was a day when you gladly took the gamble. It was a few days before one of the shorter holidays, so naturally, there was a big test coming your way. Kim and Aaron were shopping for your stay at your grandma's small cabin just a few minutes down the road.

You, in the meantime, were trying to study. But even the leaves falling on the ground were more interesting than the subject you were trying to study for. So, as you tried to build a small tower from your pens and markers and as it had fallen again, your eyes slowly traveled to the drawer where you stored the small piece of paper for the last few days. Well, you could try it, right? It won't hurt anyone. You didn't even know who's number that was. It would be just like snapping or texting on Omegle, huh?

Slowly, you stood up from your desk and walked to the drawer, taking it out. You were weirdly on edge. It was more than two weeks since the whole concert thingy - the person probably accepted that Kim fucked them over. So you didn't have to stress about this whole situation. You could maybe just make something up in case they would ask where you got the number? This was nonsense. You shouldn't be nervous about such bullshit. So all you had to do was that you had to text the first text. And so you went for it.

You: Is someone there?

That was a tragic first text, that had to be said. And as soon as your phone marked it as delivered, you threw the device away on your bed, turning to your table with your heart in your throat. Why were you feeling so sick? Were you about to pass out? Most likely yeah. And it got worse - because the person had responded.

(Unknown number): Yea, there is. And you are? Where did you get this number?

[yaneyanedaze]

Don’t you remember?

(A SDC Jotaro x Oc +DIO fanfic )

Hi guys! This is a commission piece that I have done for @fyrestrike , I hope that you enjoy this fanfiction! This is a good example of what you could get when you commission me!~

I will get back to my regular ways of posting very soon! With that, on with the fanfiction!

Some things may be different,but the plot is mostly the same and the ending is mostly the same!

Also I apologize if any of the characters seem out of character! ❤️❤️❤️

———————————————————————

 It was cold, very cold. I didn’t expect Egypt to get so cold this quickly. I was with Jotaro Kujo and his group of friends, I could call them that. They called themselves the Stardust Crusaders, and from what I know, they were searching for a man named DIO. That’s all they told me at least, and I could barely remember how  I ended up with the group anyways. Mr. Joseph told me they found me wandering the desert by myself. I found that hard to believe because I hated the heat of the desert, but I just went along with it and decided to stay with them.

Jotaro and Kakyoin were the only ones I stayed closed to really, with all of us being around the same age, and with I apparently attending the same high school as them. They helped me understand the situation that was going on and the reason why we were in Egypt. I felt bad for Jotaro, his mom is in bad condition, and he had to drop everything and go on some wild ass adventure in order to save her. I tried to be as much help as I could be, I do have a stand, that I know, but I don’t know how to use it at all.

But all that out the way. Stand user after Stand user. Attack after Attack, we finally reached Cairo, Egypt. I cheered happily as I ran up to the hotel that we were going to be staying in. Mr. Joseph chuckled as he went up to the desk and prepared the rooms for us, Leaving the rest of use to chat and talk. I yawned and leaned on Jotaro, who was pretending to be annoyed, “Yare yare, What the hell are you doing?” He asked, gaze shifting down on me. I smiled at him and let out a small giggle, “Im resting on you until we can get our rooms straight, I don’t see how you guys can do it!” I say throwing my hands up, being playfully dramatic. Polnareff laughed and I knew even before he began talking what he was going to say.

“ Well Dearie, Maybe it’s because you’re a girl~ This mission is built for strong men! It’s our job to protect you anyway!” He said, flexing slight only to get hit on the back of the head by Jotaro. “She’s strong, why do you think we brought her along, She can handle herself. Last time I checked you cant defeat anyone without our help” He said back, a smirk appearing on his features as he watched Polnareff try to gather his comeback. But before he could get it out, Mr. Joseph came over giving everyone their room keys.

Joseph was with Avdol, Polnareff with Kakyoin, and……

Me and Jotaro.

A part of me wanted to speak up and say: ‘CAN I CHANGE PLEASE?!’ Because being in the same room with Jotaro for a long period of time like this. I don’t think I could take it. But alas, I didn’t same a damn thing and here I was, walking to the room with Jotaro beside me. It was a quiet peaceful walk, Jotaro was a quiet person I discovered. He didn’t talk much and when he did, it usually was a one-liner, his signature catchphrase or snark. I loved the silence to be honest, I think it added more to his personality, I thought it was sweet that he is out here risking his life for his mother, even though he doesn’t know what lay ahead.

When we reached the room, I unlocked the door and pushed it open, the room was nice, it was room, had a couch with a television in front of it, a small kitchen and dining area. But there was one problem that stuck out the most.

There was only one bed.

I felt a blush rise up on my cheeks but I tried to be calm about it, but it seemed that Jotaro could read my emotions. “I’ll take the couch, “ He muttered walking past me. I grabbed his coat stopping him and shyly looked up at him. “hey, we can share the bed, I don’t mind. I usually stay on one side curled up in a ball” I said trying to make light of the tense environment, He  let out a small grunt which I could only imagine was an “Ok’. I smiled as I went over to unpacking my small book bag, I only had a small amount of clothes with me. From what I remember, I packed two changes of clothes and night clothes along with the necessities. But everytime I try to remember where I came from, it leads to a massive headache. One that’s trying to basically tell me that the memory isn’t there.

It bothered me, and while I was changing into my night clothes I tried very hard to think and think trying to see if I could bring it back. I let out a frustrated yell as finished getting dressed and I walked out, but as I walked back into the bedroom, I got a surging pain in the back of my head, plopped down on the bed and it felt like someone else had a control on my body, and a voice that I have never heard before starting talking.

“It seems that my little devil is missing me…don’t worry, I’ll be waiting for you, you’ll remember me soon, you will…”

I let out a scream, one made of confusion and fear, as I couldn’t move my body, I felt like someone was just sitting on me, all of their weight pushing down upon me. I must’ve spooked Jotaro because he came rushing in the room and shook me, I could feel him shaking me, but I couldn’t move. Finally I found the strength to rise up and shake make head. When I opened my eyes up again I was staring into Jotaro’s baby blue eyes. He didn’t even said anything, he just hugged me and held me tightly. He lifted me up and placed me in bed correctly, I tried to move and show him that I was alright. But he held me in place, he wouldn’t let go. “Jotaro I am fine, that was just a little scare okay? Nothing too serious” I said, he shook his head and his grip on me tightened. “Quiet. Don’t say anything , just go to sleep.” He muttered. It was severely out of character for Jotaro to act like this, but I guess I really scared him with what happened. I felt horrible and I wanted to say that I was sorry for letting myself get like that but sleep took over me before I even could.

(TimeSkip. two days later)

We were up and on the move again.

Neither Jotaro or I talked about what took place that night , but I noticed he was closer to me more then he ever was before. He kept a close eye on me, which earned light teasing from Polnareff and Joseph. He brushed it off but I could see the blush that was coming up onto his face. He said his signature catch phrase before walking ahead from the group. I knew better though, and I tried not to let the teasing get to me as we pushed forward.

I felt ominous feelings coming from the large building in front of us.

And it seemed like another one of those moments like I had last time except that instead of me just not being able to move, I completely blacked out. It was dark, I could see Jotaro and the others anymore, but I could feel someone’s arms picking me up from the ground. I tried to scream but nothing came out, only a chuckle, a deep chuckle that couldn’t have come from any of the crusaders. I froze, it was the same tone of the voice I had previously heard. His footsteps were heavy, and his voice had a velvet like tone, “Fyre…I’ve been waiting for you…those Joestars brought you right to me…Like a little present~” He spoke. His voice was so familiar, Like even before my little black out.

All I know that I am scared.

My vision slowly started coming back, I could see that I was no longer with Jotaro and the group but i was with some weird man with blonde hair. When he realized I was awake he smirked wide, showing me a wide toothy like grin. “My darling is awaken now~ tell me, how did you enjoy your time away from me darling?~” He says placing me down in what felt a a plush like bed. It felt soft, I’m not gonna lie, it was really soft, I regained motion in my limbs and I made myself sit up so quickly. I glared at him, if looks could kill, he would’ve been dead.

He chuckled, turning fully to get a good look at him. He was about as tall as Jotaro, he was shirtless and very built, having a strange scar around his neck that made it look like his body was just attached with a needle and thread. I backed up as far as I could to the wall. He walked (more like sassy step) towards me before stopping at the end of the bed. “Don’t you remember me? Fyre, I made you what you are. My little Devil. That stand you have, it’s because of me. You are mine. I don’t care what that Jotaro fool says or does for you.” He growled. “Liar!! Jotaro found me! He took care of me! I don’t know who you are!!” I yelled back, but with brute force, I was held against the wall by a humanoid looking figure, he was a bright yellow and had muscles of steel. I struggled against him before sighing but not giving up totally.

The male must’ve saw and laughed. “Foolish. Foolish Fyre...Don’t you remember, How do you think you got out there in the first place~” he said getting close to my face. Now staring me down with those bright, crazed green eyes. For some reason, a memory that was laying deep in my mind came barreling back full force.

(Flashback Start)

“Where are you going!? You can’t get far, Little Devil!!”

His voice was taunting, he was taunting me, he knew that he could catch up to me if he wanted to. DIO was a damn bastard, a horrible excuse for a living- no an monstrous being. I kept running, refusing to fall prey for this damn man ever again, he kept me just a trophy, no one ever coming to visit me except him. The look on his servants faces when they say me run past shows that he never let anyone know that I existed.

I kicked open the door with one swift move and kept it moving, the desert sand kicking up behind me. I could feel his gaze on me, the thing he had on my forehead was weakening. His powers on me were not working, he made a mistake of stabbing me with the Stand Arrow, my stand was powerful an it allowed me to go against his will.

I ran and ran and ran until I felt my body slowing down, I couldn’t see anything and I collapsed, panting heavily as my body finally gave out, the adrenaline gone. I turned on my back and laid there looking at the sky as I closed my eyes. My breath slowing down and my conscious slowly slipping away.

“Oi, Is that a girl on the ground?...”

“Yea, I think you’re right Jotaro! What shall we do?”

“....Gigi..she’s coming with us.”

(Flashback End)

I tried to head butt him once my memory started coming back. I knew who he was. I knew what he did to me. He took me away from my family, kept me captive for god knows how long. DIO, His name now ringing a bell in my head. I growled and glared daggers at him. “Fuck you!! Fuck you bastard! You caused this! You made me like this you fucking bastard!!” I yelled kicking and thrashing about, He just stood there laughing at me, that same fucking taunting laugh that he used before. He snapped his fingers, and the ghost (stand that I now remember as ‘The World’) disappeared making me drop to the floor. When I went to stand up he pushed me back into the wall, his hand wrapped firmly around my neck.

“Listen here Little Devil. I don’t like the way that you are acting right now...You either shape up or else I’ll have to punish you severely for disobeying me.” He practically growled. I clawed at his hands gripping and trying to pull his hands away as I began to get light headed from his grip. “Fuck..you..” I muttered out, only making his grip tighter making him madder. A loud bang and a rush of footsteps made him release his grip.

“Lord DIO!! The Joestars have reached here! They’re currently fighting Vanilla Ice!”

He groaned, clearly annoyed but I saw it as an opportunity to run.

And so I did.

I took off out of the room, speeding past the servant. This speed was inhuman to me, I didn’t know where I came from but I just chalked it up to my adrenaline rushing as i was scared. I could hear his yelling but couldn’t make out the words that he said. Everything was a blur to me until I came to a skidding halt when I saw what I could only make out to see as Jotaro.

“JOTARO!” I yelled. ‘God I hope I don’t sound too desperate..’ I thought as I ran over to him, out of breath and scared. He look up and then rushed over to my side, he checked my forehead and checked all over my head before finally hugging me tightly. He let go and pulled his hat over his eyes letting out his signature catchphrase. “Yare Yare, We’ll talk later. We have to go and find-“ “DIO! He’s here! He’s the one who took me!” I blurted out. He looked at me then pulled me along, and off we went again. I was scared beyond belief, I can’t believe that this want the man, or well, thing, Jotaro and his Grandfather had been searching for all along, and he knew me!

Little did I know the carnage along the way that happened. While we were chasing after DIO, Polnareff ran into the them. And we lost two members of our group, Muhammad Avdol and a little French bull terrier named Iggy to one of DIO’s toadys. We didn’t have time to grieve, we didn’t have time to cry or anything. We had to keep moving on! I kept quiet as DIO’s words kept ringing in my ears.

“I made you. My little Devil, Don’t you remember?”

I shook my head as we entered the city. It was busy, as it was night time. Probably filled with tourists and natives alike, all of them unknowingly putting themselves in danger. It was now Joseph, Jotaro, Polnareff and I together. Kakyoin was no where to be found, and they didn’t tell me what happened to him. But I didn’t ask questions at all, I just kept my mouth shut and moved along, but DIO was eating away at my thoughts, I wanted to question him, but was afraid of what he might do to me if I did.

But my time to confront him came quicker than ever as now Jotaro, Joseph and DIO we’re locked in a heated battle. This was it, Jotaros mom (Who I figured out before, was named Holly!) layed on the line along with the entire worlds fate was on their back. I stood on the side with Polnareff watching the battle take place, I felt helpless though. I wanted to help, after all, I have been a liability during this entire thing! I at least needed to get out and do something. I got up and began walking over to where they were only to get a bad feeling going up my spine. I looked over at DIO just to see his stand come out. I quickly picked up my past before yelling to him.

“JOTARO LOOK OUT!!”

“Za WARUDO”

Everything froze around me, everything was still. I don’t know how I was moving, and it seemed DIO was just as confused but he was too focused on Jotaro. Knives now heading towards and lodging themselves into said male. While time was still frozen he looked at me and it seemed that I was a look of surprised. I was confused before I felt something, or rather someone behind me. I turned and there it was, or rather their she was, as it looked like a female. She had curly horns that could rival with Satan himself, large bat like wings with a shiny gleam coming off them, a short black dress with her entire back out along with small bats on her tights that looked like they were very much alive. She had light pink skin with red blush in certain spots, full pink lips , top and bottom fangs that could probably cut through diamond if she wanted to. she had bright lime green snake like eyes, long curly lilac purple hair that falls behind her knees hair. Finally there was a large tail swishing back and forth with a heart on the end, spikes lining the tail leading all the way up to her back.

I stood up as time started over again, Jotaro fell back , knives all over him. I wanted to scream but I knew that would show weakness, and especially to him, it would give him a huge ego booster. I watched as Jotaro laid motionless on the ground, DIO places his head on the ground trying to hear movement or heart beats of any kind and smirked once he didn’t. He began laughing as he made his way over to me, “Your darling hero isn’t with you anymore. And I’m so glad, his death made you finally show your stand. Might I say, it’s quiet beautiful perfect for a queen like yourself.” He said, now barely a foot away from me. I smirked myself, a thing I don’t normally do. “The Queen part you’re right about. But I wouldn’t celebrate to quickly.” I said. Landing a quick blow to his head myself, making him stumble back. He growled at me but kept a smug smirk on his face. “My little Devil..You think you can stop me! Your puny Stand means nothing to me!”

“But mines does.” I smiled as Jotaro was behind him now. Star Platinum now behind him as well looking madder than ever. I stepped back quickly to avoid the fist fight between the two stand users. I had to admit, it looked beautiful, the colors clashing together, the raw strength of both of their stands clashing and fighting each other. It was amazing. I crouched down using my stand to make a shield for myself to dodge oncoming debris coming my way, I closed my eyes because another part of me didn’t want to see the end result. It was painful, very painful, I didn’t want to see anymore of my friends get hurt anymore, I panted slightly, my vision getting blurry, I don’t know if it’s a side effect from my stand or I’m just tired. I felt my body falling to the ground after hearing a blood curdling scream and the sound of something splitting apart, before everything fades to black.

⬛️TimeSkip⬛️

I shot straight up only to see myself connected to hospital IV’s and looked around. I looked at my arms and touched my face to make sure I was in one piece. I sighed once I figured out I was all fine and sat back on the bed. The door open and first came in was a Nurse coming to make sure I was okay, checking all my vitals, blood pressure , all the medical stuff, then following was Mr. Joestar. “Hey! Look who’s arose from the dead! I’m glad you’re okay!” He said walking up to my bed side, a hand on my arm. “Did we win? Is he dead?” Is what I asked first.

He nodded slightly and stood up. “Yep! We sure did...We’re gonna be heading back to Japan once you get all better, Trust me, My grandson has been worried sick about you, you gotta stop passing out on us!” He said jokingly. I tilted my head in confused. Jotaro was worried about me? I found that hard to believe, but when the male came into my room with a large bouquet of flowers, I believed it then.

He handed them over to me with a blush gracing his features. They were beautiful shades of blue with some red in it. “this is for you..” He muttered, I grabbed and smiled softly, pulling him close and placing a kiss on his cheek. I smelled the flowers and hugged them close to my chest.

“Hey Jotaro, When we get back..Can we hang out more?..”

“...Sure, I wouldn’t mind that at all..”

———————————————————————

AHHHH I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING SO DAMN LATE OMG

So many things have been coming up in my life between family, Boyfriend issues, health issues, but I wanted to finish this because I loved the character, thank you so much for the opportunity!

If you want more and probs another part going on to part 4 because I loved so this much! ❤️

[rekkingcrew]

Campaign Debrief

So for nearly 2 years I ran an Edge of the Empire campaign with 3-4 players, mostly weekly. These last couple of months we’ve been using discord, which has gone great. I want to get down some of my thoughts about what worked and what didn’t. 

This is gonna be a big wall of text and all but two bits are gonna be under the cut: system and play style. 

Fantasy Flight Star Wars game system is legit my favorite system EVER. (Not to dick wave or anything, but that’s including D&Ds 2-5, Gurps, White Wolf, Blades in the Dark, Dungeon World, Deadlands, and a few miscellaneous other short form ones). The system of advantages and disadvantages, and especially triumphs and despairs rather than just straight successes and failures really opens up complex narrative opportunities and gives a chance for wild story beats that just would not have happened otherwise. The fights go fast but feel meaty and there’s a lot of room to pitch advantages to your friends so you’re not just waiting your turn. Character creation is granular enough that your choices always feel meaningful, and points can be spent anywhere, so you can really specialize and shape your character. 

We played very collaboratively and it made things AMAZING. Part of this is that we were all good friends and have played together for a while now. Our taste in what kind of story we want is similar- nuggets of drama scattered throughout, but mostly cutting up. A lot of the best NPCs and story suggestions came from my players rather than from me- our season one boss villain, Imperial spymaster “Uncle” Karston Severax, a pantoran ex-special forces black operative whose current public face was a Mr. Rogers-esque children’s TV presenter, for example, was someone my players started out and all of us collective “yes and” added to around the table, and he was JUST THE BEST. These kind of exchanges also gave us moments like the time our tech tried to blackmail the head of a security corporation with the fact that he was having an affair and he’d written just LOADS of incredibly cringey fanfiction; but the roll was such that the attempt ended with him finally getting the push he needed to quit a job he hated, get out of a marriage that just wasn’t working, and follow his dream of self-publishing. He even dedicated his first book to our slicer. Because it wasn’t a DM vs Players atmosphere, because we were all on the same page, I could ask my players “hey, what do you want for your triumph?” and “all right, so who is the NPC you know?” as well as just “that’s enough to finish this guy, what does this look like?” This campaign was 1000% better for sharing that world building load, and the players were all, I think, more invested. 

more below the cut. 

What Worked

One of the most useful things I ever did was start giving players morality pet NPCs that were their special hench people, and I’m embarrassed that I waited so long to assign one to our droid. 

The zero session was absolutely invaluable in setting the tone of the game and the relationship between characters, and I will bang this drum until I’m fucking blue in the face. Don’t meet in the first session. Sit the players down and say “how do you know each other, why do you stay together, what are some of your past adventures?” It’s just so much better. 

Cameos and ties to our other games, in what we’ve been calling “The Drax Kreiger Expanded Universe” have continued to be welcome pretty much every time. People were delighted to have a moment or two to slip back into old characters. 

I was able to identify what each player wanted and give them that. Brick’s player wanted quiet scenes with big character emotion, like his one on one pit fight the character didn’t want to have, or the letter from his mother telling him how proud she was of him, or the time in training where he tapped into how angry he really was and it spooked the character and everyone on the ship. Nyla’s player wanted a big epic, but also difficult space journey of good vs. evil, and so Nyla got a padawan whose parents she had possibly killed when she fought for the empire, she dug up the grave of her clone teacher’s order 66′d jedi for the crystal for her lightsaber, she got to cleanse a temple that was trapped in a fruitless struggle between light and dark, and a climactic lightsaber battle that was about possibly sacrificing herself for the good of others. TK’s player was deep into star wars trivia and space stuff, so he practically squealed when Verpine shatter weapons showed up, and he seemed to get a kick out of the Evocii, and also that time they put on wing suits and dove the atmosphere of a gas giant. It’s worth noting nobody was actually all that interested in the thing that turns my gears: complex mysteries with a lot of clues and investigation, and once I let that shit drop, things ran a lot smoother. 

Some of our best stuff was non-combat challenges, like climbing the cliffs of Naboo or navigating the deep undercity of Nar Shadaa. The guys reliably failed anything social, but environmental challenges were always appreciated. 

I always tried to make sure there was more than one way to do things. For any given mission, especially early on, I’d try to brainstorm at least three ways something could be accomplished. 

My party split up a LOT, but we found a sort of cinematic cutting back and forth to be really useful. When there was a big crit, or a goal accomplished, or something like that, we’d jump to the other party even if the fight wasn’t over. Sometimes that was only just, like, Brick and the guys doing drunk karaoke and saying to no one in particular “MAN, I hope Nyla’s having as fun a time as we are!” but it kept everyone involved and it wasn’t just people waiting their turn for 20 minutes at a time. Also people chimed in with fun advantages and disadvantages. 

I had everybody write backstories and whenever I could, I incorporated in things from what they’d written. Our second season was basically TK tracking down the guy who’d made him, a Thackwash alien with the same sort of shifting personalities he had. TK’s player hadn’t written much about the guy except that he’d been a salvage mechanic who constructed TK for protection when he got in trouble with the local mafia. Giving that guy complementary personalities for each of TK’s really helped stick the landing on that one, and the player really enjoyed having actually completed his character’s goal. 

It’s worth saying, we took some time at several points during the campaign, either individually or as a group, to talk about what we liked and didn’t, what we wanted more of, where we wanted things to go, possible directions for characters, mechanical issues, how to have a better game, group dynamics, all sorts of stuff. In a way it’s like sex: people have this fucked up expectation that you’ll just be good at it without communicating, and man, fuck that. Talking to my players was ALWAYS worthwhile.

I was always adamant, because it was a thing that bugged me when I was a player, that if a character had spent the points to be good at something, they got to be good at it. That made some things difficult, but I think it was the right decision. It took me a while to tailor fights right, and honestly a lot of times, splitting up the party was the best way to balance fights, but I never said to anyone hey that thing you spent all those points on, could you please not do that?

My players were excellent about encouraging each other to have serious dramatic moments. TK was completely ready to die in a fight, and when he lost a significant chunk of his programming, the way he chose to play it was really heartbreaking. Everyone came inside and had tea with Brick’s mom. No one stepped on anyone else’s fun when it was time to be serious, and everybody was great about cheering each other on, whether they were being funny or being dead serious. 

I FUCKING FINISHED A CAMPAIGN. IT HAD AN END. So much stuff petered out over the years, I was adamant I wasn’t going to do that. 

What Didn’t Work

Boy, my players had pretty much all the trouble trying to remember to use “they/them” pronouns for NPCs with neutral or alien genders. 

No one is interested in falling damage. Sigh. 

I did not keep good track of money or ship fuel or anything. The campaign didn’t end up relying on it too heavily (I was honestly expecting a much more Cowboy Bebop setup than where we drifted), but that was an area I kind of fell down. 

We never really got obligation working correctly and in the end we just ended up abandoning it. We kept doing the force morality because the lone force player was very into it and it was a huge part of that character’s journey, but for the rest having people show up to collect on obligation was sometimes not possible in the story- or if it was possible it was pretty cumbersome. Campaign did obligation by arc, and I think that’s a pretty useful way to do it- roll at the end of the arc for what’s coming next. 

Early on, I made way too many assumptions about what was an adventure hook for my players and what was an annoyance. Honestly, bits of this lasted pretty late. At one point I gave my players a spy for the larger rebellion they could totally talk to- he was even working with their resident bothan spy- but they looked at the senatorial assassination he was doing and literally said at the table “I think it’s best if we just walk away from all this.” And so they did. Which was frustrating, but, you know, it is what it is. They also never much cared about the hutt gang war. 

I let a lot of things drop that I would have liked to bring back before the end, but in all honesty, I think we were all running a bit out of steam. I would have liked to put in Brick’s old mentor, or follow up with the imperial governor that was a falleen in a human skin suit, or see more of the bounty hunter’s guild, or have a nice end thing with our bothan spy, or any of that. But I do think it was time to end it. And we followed the threads people liked. 

I had way too many NPCS.

What sort of worked

I had like 200 npcs and they were not all bangers. In particular, I let the party design their own ship, which I wish had played a bigger role (though it did really set the tone), and I let them design 2 npc crew who would fill in any party roles they didn’t want to play and guard the ship so they could go on adventures without worrying about it. The devaronian scoundrel was with the party to the end though I never really got him to be more than a joke, but the bothan spy kind of fell off, and while she made some appearances, she didn’t really have as big an impact as I would have hoped. She kind of got replaced by Nyla’s padawan, a hench mon calamari called Nezrene, who was a better fit with the party. But, you know, players will do what they like.

Factions. In the first bit of the campaign, my factions were a fucking life saver, because I could design scenarios with a sort of “what is each faction doing/ which faction hurts from this, which benefits?” By the second season we’d kind of abandoned them to go to the core, and by the third my group was solidly rebel, so the hutts and bounty hunters fell a lot by the wayside. I still think having a couple of broad poles of power, and having the players know them and their leaders, is a good call. But they do seem to kind of organically pare down on their own, and it’s easy to get caught up too much in them. Useful sorta?

There was definitely a point where my players just were not challenged by conventional challenges. We ended up doing most of the later fights that involved a lot of minions in montage. I’d have them roll their fight skills unopposed, just to see if they got any interesting advantage/triumph set ups. I still had boss fights that were mostly challenging, but there just was no point in throwing storm troopers or low level gangsters at them. Not when they have soak 8 and autofire, and that one talent that lets you kill every minion in a combat. Designings fight got a bit tricky, and in those big high level combats, despairs and triumphs come up a lot more and really sway the fight, which I like, but also it’s very hard to plan for. 

Mass combat was tricky. I did a lot of it toward the end because my players were generals in a rebellion. I always had them do the rolls and some of the narration, but that wasn’t always enough to make them feel like things weren’t very arbitrary. 

I personally love the rule that if you roll a despair shooting into an engaged combat you shoot your friend. Nyla, who got shot twice this way, does not. 

We started the game with a tech character who dropped out. Toward the end, we picked up another tech character whose player couldn’t do their regular stuff because of covid lock down. Neither of these characters could fight at all, and both were very differently oriented than the rest of the party, and that was tricky to manage. Additionally, the dude coming in at the end had like a year and a half of in jokes he did not get and there were 200 goddamn npcs. I tried to give him the lowdown on what he might have heard about the party, but it was a combination of too much information and not that much player interest. He did get to break a star destroyer though, and I think he liked that. 

I offered players XP to write backstory stuff, and later goodbye notes others could find if they kicked it. Not all of them did. In the end it made a negligible difference, and I still think offering the bounties on this is basically a good idea. 

What I would do different next time.

Three ring binder that opens and closes so I could move fucking NPC stats around. I filled two goddamn school notebooks with notes for this campaign and there were so many goddamn times I was like “I KNOW I wrote this down, but where?!”

Players felt a bit aimless when they didn’t have a specific villain. I’d planted a few in, but they took finding, or they were too easy to avoid. Next time I would have a few more people who were actively on my player’s tails. 

I would keep better campaign notes and/or ask one of the players to do so. I used to do recaps for the games when I played Rek. There’s stuff I KNOW I’ve forgotten, and more I’ll forget as time goes on, which is a shame. It’s a weird, ephemeral medium, but possibly I’m just spoiled by living in an age of easy reproduction and enormous storage where data is concerned. 

Better book keeping in general, really. 

When I did a mystery short, I wrote up a list of all the clues people could find but not where specifically they were, so that I could just jam them anywhere they seemed like they’d make sense whenever a roll called for a player to find something. I think I’d try to do that with player’s personal stories so they could be woven in a little better. I did a lot of flying by the seat of my pants. 

All in all, I’m pretty happy with how it went, and I’m ready to get back to playing for a bit. I loved DMing, and I more or less DMed the game I would have liked to play, but man, doing this all the time, or being the only person who does it? After a while, that’d be a lot, and I’m looking forward to the break. 

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

TDSB: Episode 2, Part 1. Something Fishy This Way Comes...

*Cloud, Richter, and Stevie are in the Smash Bros Lounge watching TV. Cloud is reading, Richter is nursing a glass of wine, and Stevie is playing Candy Crush on his phone with the TV acting as background noise. Wario walks in on them lie this.*

Wario: What's up losers.

Richter: Screw off Wario.

Stevie: Aye mate! We're trying to get our hogwillies a rest 'ere ya humdinginer billabong!

Wario: Once I find out what that means I'll come up with a crushing reply.

*Wario plops down on the couch and grabs the remote, flipping through channels. Cloud looks up from his book, but double takes when he sees something familiar*

Cloud: Hold up! *grabs the remote from Wario*

Wario: Hey! What's the big i-

Cloud, flipping back through the channels: Shut up!

Stevie: Oi mate! What's got your bloomdingers in a sodfeelfen?!

Cloud: Look! It's Ganondorf! He's on TV!

*Sure enough all see Ganondorf on the television, now wearing a gaudy silver suit*

Richter: What the- he's right!

Wario: What the hell is going on here?! ...And why the hell is Ganondorf wearing THAT?

Ganondorf: Last time, on Total Drama Smash Bros! *cuts to the twenty contestants on the dock when they first arrived* Our contestants arrived here in Camp to compete in the greatest Reality TV show yet!

Cloud: That's all the Smashers that Master Hand called away on some secret mission!

Richter: Well now we know that's bullshit.

Ganondorf: *screen cuts to the Smashers joining their respective teams* After forming up and meeting their teammates, it was time for their first challenge, *shot of the contestants playing the game* VOLLEY-BOMB! *shot of Peach negotiating with Pit and Zelda* Alliances were made, *shot of Bonny Janet and Link arguing* strife was founded, *shot of Lucina getting blown away* and days, *shot of Falcon getting blasted* were, *shot of Corrine getting Warlock-Punched* Ruined!

Stevie: Oof, that's a right hard humdinger that is.

Ganondorf: *shot of Falcon getting thrown onto the Boat of Failures* In the end, it was Captain Falcon who was sent home for failing his team when they needed him the most.

Richter: Tough break Falcon.

Wario: But why the hell are they even there?! It makes no sense!

Ganondorf: *the screen returns to Ganondorf on the dock* Can the Goombas learn to trust each other? Will the Koopas learn about Peach's alliance? And who will win this week and find themselves one step closer to winning that sweet, sweet twenty million dollars!

Wario: TWENTY MILLION!?

Richter, clutching his ears: Well, there goes my eardrums.

Ganondorf: Find out this week, on Total! Drama! SMASH BROS!

Wario: I GOTTA GO!

Cloud: Go where?

Wario, jumping out the window and summoning his motorcycle: TO GET THAT TWENTY MILLION!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*The Campers are hanging out in the mess hall, chowing on breakfast crafted by Ridley.*

Robyn, holding up a chunk of “food” with her fork: Are we sure this is food? It seem more like something Godzilla would up-chuck if he had one too many beers.

Marth: I;m fairly certain this substances' mere existence violates the Geneva Convention several times over.

Link, chowing down: Meh. Not the worst thing I've ever eaten. *He takes another big bite as the others of his team look on in horror.* Mmh! Crunchy.

-

Confessional

Zelda: I know that Link has eaten some questionable things in his adventures, but I had no idea he had such an iron gut! It's terrifying!

-

Samus, shrugging and digging in: Eat up Koopas. Gotta get your energy up for whatever nightmare Ganondorf has planned.

Roy: Speaking of, where is that Sauron rip-off? *Roy suddenly gets smacked in the face by a Mr Saturn sending him into the wall connecting the Mess to the kitchen*

Ridley: Oi! I'm trying to work here.

Ganondorf, striding into the mess: Sorry my purple friend, but it's time for this week's challenge!

Roy: Everything... is... in pain...

Ganondorf: Move it or lose it Roy boy!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Ganondorf has led the Campers to the docks where a series of boats await them. Half the boats are outfitted with Goomba red and the others are painted Koopa green.*

Ganondorf: Welcome to a little challenge I like to call... Man vs. the River Wild!

Samus: Let me guess... some sort of river rafting race with a brutal and sadistic twist to it.

Ganondorf: Eh, you're only half right. No to the rafting race, yes to the brutal and sadistic twist!

Ike: Figures.

Ganondorf: No, you're challenge is something different. *two moblins produce a large blackboard with instructions written all over it.* Ahem, as you can see, today you will be having a fishing competition!

Red: Seriously!? That's awesome! Leaf and I fish for aquatic Pokemon all the time!

Ganondorf: Today, your prize is the rare Spotted Buck-Salmon. *he holds up an example*

Lucina: Wait a minute, that just looks like a regular salmon you super-glued antlers onto!

*King K Rool, off to the side, slides a box of crappy dollar store antlers out of sight whilt whistling nonchalontly.*

Ganondorf: Regardless of their status as novelty items, you have to catch them! But be warned. These waters are filled with piranha, *Petey the Piranha Plant wearing a scuba outfit surfaces and waves at them.* sharks, *a shark pops out of the water and swallows Petey whole, grinning evilly afterward* and other unspeakable horrors from the depths that even H.P. Lovecraft would never be able to dream up! *a massive tentacle rises from the water and grabs the shark, dragging it down and causing it to spit up Petey*

-

Confessional

Link: Finally! Something I know I'm good at! I went fishing all the time in Hyrule.

-

Confessional

Ganondorf: In one of my many times trying to take over Hyrule I needed to find a way to delay Link. I tried two different strategies. First, I sent an army of undead after him, led by an Elder Lich. Secondly, I used a shovel to dig out a pit that a filled with water, stuck a “Free Fishing” sign in front of it while spreading the rumor that there was a rare fish inside.

One of those tactics bought me a whole month of time, and the other he beat in an hour.

Take a guess which one was which. Take a wild fucking guess.

-

Corrine: Okay, what's the horrible bullshit twist you've got for us this time?

Ganondorf: Aww, you know me so well.

*Corrine rolls her eyes*

Ganondorf: The twist? You can either catch the fish yourself, or wait for someone else to catch it and steal it from them!

Robyn: Wow, you're right. That IS bullshit.

Ganondorf, unperturbed: You have ten minutes to pick a partner to fish with and select which bait and tackle you'll use. Whichever team catches the biggest fish wins!

*the group splits up, partnering up with each other*

Dark Pit: Hey, dick knozzle! We've got an odd number of people! How are we gonna partner up?!

Ganondorf: Ah yes, well I guess one of your boats is going to have to hold three. *Peach immediately grabs Pit and Zelda, her hidden alliance members* Of course... those boats are only meant to hold two. Better be careful.

-

Confessional

Peach: I'll admit I'm not good at fishing. I always fail that minigame in Mario Party. But hey, Zelda and Pit both have to have some experience between them.

-

Confessional

Pit: Oh boy! My first time fishing! This is going to be so much fun!

-

Confessional

Zelda: Link took me fishing once... I caught something right away but... the poor fishy... *starting to cry* staring at me like that!

-

Peach: We'll handle it Ganondorf.

Ganondorf: Alright, whatever.

*The rest of the teams form. The Goomba Teams are: Daisy and Ike, Leaf and Red, Corrine and Rosalina, Joker and Marth, Link and Bonny Janet.

The Koopa Teams are: Zelda and Peach and Pit, Roy and Samus, Erdrick and Robyn, Lucina and Dark Pit*

Link: Hey does anyone want to trade? I'd rather not be teamed up with the Scottish Imp over here.

Bonny Janet: Blow it oot yer bagpipe!

Daisy: This could be a problem.

*Peach thinks for a moment and ten drags Zelda away to whisper in her ear*

Peach, whispering: When we're out there, I'm going to bring us up beside Link and Bonny Janet. Find a way to make tensions fly.

Zelda: I don't know Peach-

Peach: Link is the best fisher on their side! You have to, for the team.

*Zelda reluctantly nods. The teams are set! The battle begins...*

[pass-the-bechdel]

Marvel Cinematic Universe: Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

No.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Seven (30.43% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Sixteen.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Episode Quality:

Exciting and full of strong fodder for discussion and debate; by the same token, potentially frustrating.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Natasha directs comments to Wanda in Nigeria, but Wanda addresses her response to the team as a whole.

Female characters:

Wanda Maximoff.

Natasha Romanov.

Maria Stark.

Mrs Spencer.

Sharon Carter.

Mrs Zemo.

Aunt May.

Male characters:

James Buchanan Barnes.

Steve Rogers.

Sam Wilson.

Brock Rumlow.

Howard Stark.

Tony Stark.

T’Chaka.

Vision.

Thaddeus Ross.

James Rhodes.

Helmut Zemo.

T’Challa.

Everett Ross.

Peter Parker.

Clint Barton.

Scott Lang.

OTHER NOTES:

My immediate thought on the concept of the Avengers being directed by a United Nations panel is the Rwandan genocide; follow from that, any number of other major atrocities that have taken place while the rest of the world sat back umm-ing and aah-ing over whether or not they should intervene. Anyone who knows a speck of history should be very reticent about the idea of being shackled by such political whims.

Ross refers to the unknown locations of Thor and Bruce Banner as being like ‘misplacing a couple of megaton nukes’, as if they’re objects and not autonomous sentient beings who can go where they please without having to declare their intentions, and that should really be the first major red flag to everyone that this guy ain’t on the level.

Vision’s equation about causality is a false equivalence, and an irrelevant one anyway, since oversight doesn’t do anything to hamper his theory about strength inviting challenge. You’re not actually reducing your strength, you’re just making yourself less able to meet those challenges as they come. I feel like Vision should be a Hell of a lot smarter than this absence of logic (also, looking at the threats themselves in previous films, the only ones which can be considered ‘strength inviting challenge’ issues in which the actions of any Avenger characters have ‘bred catastrophe’ are the Iron Man films, and Age of Ultron, all of which are examples of Tony’s hubris coming back to bite him, specifically. The conflict of every other film stems from either 1) trouble predating Iron Man (most of it SHIELD/Hydra related), or 2) other-worldly overspill where Earth becomes the battleground for something uninvited (Asgardian and/or infinity stone bullshit). And even when Tony is the one creating his own demons, he usually doesn’t do so actively through his Iron Man tech or persona (Obadiah Stane’s villainy is what led to Iron Man’s creation, not the other way around; yes, Tony’s grandstanding did directly invite competition in Iron Man 2, but he didn’t make an adversary out of Ivan Vanko, that was his father’s legacy; and Tony’s particular cruelty may have incited Aldritch Killian, but that event predated the creation of Iron Man by nine years, so it’s not a response to that strength. Only Ultron was genuinely a catastrophic consequence of Tony’s (and Bruce’s) abuse of power, but hobbling the Avengers’ ability to operate does nothing to prevent that sort of thing from happening again, it just stymies their ability to halt the onslaught after it begins. You solve that one with legislation limiting what anyone can recklessly create and unleash (which includes Vision himself, incidentally)).

And see, Steve is right; the Sokovia Accords just shift the blame when things go wrong, functionally it makes the Avengers less accountable for their actions by allowing them to play the ‘just following orders’ game. And the point he makes about the panel still being run by people with agendas is exactly what I’m talking about in that first dot point; when decisions are being made on a political basis instead of according to need, you get atrocities, and any person working for the United Nations is a political agent by default. Sokovia is actually a great example of the kind of place that falls through the cracks on the political stage, as it was noted to be ‘nowhere special’, i.e. not politically valuable, and therefore unlikely to receive a swift response from powerful nations who have no vested interests in the good of the country.

Tony’s argument here is extremely personal and emotion-driven; it’s all his own guilt about Ultron and Sokovia and his decision to stop manufacturing weapons, etc, and none of that is relevant to the rest of the team’s situation or their choices. He’s also utterly oblivious to his own privilege here, in that it’s super easy for him to handwave the particulars of the Accords, because he’s a filthy-rich white American whose main ‘thing’ is new technologies, which are not being restricted at all by these Accords; he has the luxury of just signing on and hoping to negotiate amendments later (and also, of having the resources to be able to thwart anything he disagrees with and just do what he wants regardless if he decides he’s right). He’s not taking a moment to consider what the Accords really mean for those members of the team with powers they can’t just ‘put down’, who don’t have the kinds of options and opportunities he has, up to and including the bargaining power to have the Accords ‘fixed up’ later. I really do my best to see both sides of this situation because there IS merit in the idea of the Accords, but no one in favour of it makes a good argument for it and it’s really frustrating.

Who tells someone that a close beloved friend is dead in a fucking text message??? The real villain of this film.

It goes without saying but I’m gonna say it anyway: it’s very hypocritical of T’Challa to support the Accords while also donning his super-suit and taking matters in foreign countries into his own hands. All of the destruction that occurs in Romania after Bucky escapes from his apartment building is because of T’Challa’s involvement (because he was trying to commit a literal murder!), and that kinda gets glossed straight over here. 

Tony falls for Ross’ trick by referring to Wanda as a ‘weapon of mass destruction’ in the process of his efforts to justify her internment. It’s all really solid writing, really, vernacular choices that highlight the dehumanisation at the rotten core of the Accords and how good people can be suckered into it without realising until it’s too late (even when things like, say, denial of legal representation should definitely be red-flagging up the wazoo right now). But honestly, it’s such a wild leap from ‘Wanda can’t go on missions anymore’ to ‘we’re going to forcibly deny her the ability to go out in public’. Keep trying to tell yourself that’s not a fucked up situation, Tony. 

Steve Rogers holding down a fucking helicopter is just...peak Captain America and I’m so glad.

The part where Tony recruits an actual child who is not involved in this situation at all, spiriting him away to another continent to fight supersoldiers, that’s just...beyond, honestly. I hate this as an introduction for Spiderman because it’s so wildly irresponsible of Tony, it’s an unforgivable thing to do. He’s a kid. This has nothing to do with him. This is where Tony officially loses me in this movie. You can take your self-righteous attempts at justifying your actions and shove ‘em, buddy. You’re actively endangering a child.

We really don’t need Steve to kiss someone every Cap movie. We didn’t need him weirdly mackin’ on his recently-deceased ex-love’s niece. Seriously.

Spiderman’s particular brand of quipping while fighting really irritates me, also. It’s altogether a big no from me on the Spiderman front. 

Still love Ant-Man, though. He’s delightful. I also enjoy Hawkeye so much more here than I have in the Avengers films. 

C’mon, T’Challa. You can’t attack and attempt to kill a guy outright and then play the ‘you must be guilty because you ran away’ schtick. Do a brain about it.

See, everyone else knows why they’re there and what they’re fighting for, they know the stakes. Scott is the only one on Cap’s side who isn’t already part of the situation anyway, but he’s read in on why he’s being asked to get involved and he’s a grown adult person making an informed decision. Peter doesn’t have that, he’s there fighting because Tony said so, and that’s just fucked up. 

Heavy sigh. And here we go with the emotional Tony thing. Yeah, he just saw how his parents were killed by the Winter Soldier. That’s rough. It’s really rough. But he doesn’t just have an immediate emotional outburst, he has a sustained homicidal rage, which includes not only trying to kill Bucky, but also beating the Hell outta Steve, who, y’know, did not kill Tony’s parents. The fight scene lasts way too long and involves too much opportunity for cooler thought to prevail (both in problem-solving and in conversational moments), and someone whose emotions can send them reeling so completely out of control - even when they actively know they’ve been manipulated into it! Zemo literally just told you to your face that this was his plan! - someone with so little impulse control should never be given the power to make decisions for others or wield anything over them. This is all just a really, really great case for why Tony is ill-equipped to be an Avenger at all.

Watching Bucky digging the repulsor out of Iron Man’s chest with his metal hand is...so exciting. Rest in peace, awesome metal arm.

Zemo’s just a regular human, but he gets locked up under utterly inhumane circumstances. Again, the Accords involved a deal with a pretty insidious devil, and they didn’t actually have to prove that Steve’s position was the correct one to such a strong degree (we could have had a more nuanced conversation about the subject of accountability if the two sides were more evenly presented), but damn, the red flags, guys. It shouldn’t have taken Tony until he was horrified seeing his friends in the raft prison to finally clue in. 

Ok, so, I know I already played the ‘I’m pregnant’ card to explain away my meandering commentary for Ant-Man, but it’s still true and only getting more significant as time goes on, so I regret to announce that - despite having looked forward to disassembling this movie since I started on this Marvel adventure - we’re now only a day out from publication and I haven’t written anything yet. I know, the deadline isn’t exactly set in stone and I could just hold off publishing until I’m ready, but that’s a slippery slope and if I start telling myself to just ‘get to it when you get to it’, who the fuck knows when it’ll happen. This isn’t supposed to be stressful, so I’m just gonna ramble a bit and see what comes out. There’s a thing wriggling in my guts and I have a house to paint. I’m doing my best.

First things first: my stance re: Accords is that the best method of oversight is the one which emphasises accountability, rather than permission (with acknowledgment that this is a fictional universe with threats and powers which do not reflect the real world). The kinds of issues our Avenger characters get involved with are typically of the sort which has to be nipped in the bud right-quick before it becomes untenable, and also not infrequently, the types of problems which do not offer them bountiful evidence to present to a board for evaluation before they get the ok to counter it. Faffing about with diplomacy and bureaucratic carrying-on is a great way to, say, allow Hydra to launch the Insight helicarriers and wipe out all dissenters to their rule before you have the chance to stop them, or (if Zemo’s apparent plan with the Winter Soldiers had been his real plan after all), to be stuck mopping up the global damage as an elite death squad roams around destabilising governments. I’m not a supporter of the adage ‘it’s better to ask forgiveness than permission’ in the real world, but in a comic book universe, with the supervillains and the world domination and the plots which consistently include chronic time-sensitive action and little if any concrete evidence? The Sokovia Accords are woefully inadequate. By all means, the Avengers should be answerable to someone, and being required to submit reports justifying their actions (and face disciplinary measures or even criminal charges if they cannot explain themselves to a satisfactory degree) is a completely reasonable thing to convene a United Nations panel to oversee. Maybe Tony can hop down off his high horse and face actual consequences for the Ultron fiasco. That’s fine with me, and it’s a logical thing for the world to clamour for. Shifting responsibility to a panel of UN politicians who will then no doubt be reticent to send the Avengers into anything pre-emptively (or within any kind of useful time frame) for fear of backlash is a terrible solution, and even more so when you’re being pushed into it without any time to evaluate and amend the original document before it becomes law. 

(It’s worth noting that the person most likely to appreciate how easily the UN panel could be hijacked by political machinations not in the interest of the public good is Steve, owing to his personal role in uncovering and thwarting Hydra’s plans; Sam was roped into the Avenging world through that event, and thus it’s unsurprising that he would have the same concern chief in mind when refusing to sign. While Natasha does sign on to the Accords, she explicitly does not do so because she thinks the Accords are a good idea; she’s playing the political game and ‘reading the terrain’, as she says, and that’s consistent with her character. Tony being impulsive and dangerously emotion-driven is also unfortunately consistent, as is his self-righteousness about imposing his will on others to assuage his own guilt. Vision really has no excuse for being so bad at logicking his way to signing the Accords, but it’s no surprise to me that the most clear-headed staunch Accords supporter would be Rhodey, since following orders from others and unquestioning trust in your governing body is dead-on character for him as a career military man. I think he’s categorically wrong, yes, but I’m not mad at Rhodey for being a True Believer any more than I am at Natasha for being mercurial; both are in-character choices and ones which involve evaluative thought processes, and while ‘in-character’ may still be in play for Tony, evaluative thought processes are not, and that does make me mad. As I’ve noted before, he tends to work as a likable character despite his MANY flaws when he’s in his own movies, because acknowledging those foibles and working to fix them is a core part of his personal arcs in each Iron Man film; it was an essential quality missing in Age of Ultron, and one which made a monster of the character which I AM glad this movie is addressing with fallout; still, there’s a lack of tangible self-reflection and making amends from Tony in this movie, alongside some of his worst personal decisions, and I sincerely do not love him by the end of it.)

The good thing is, despite a few lazy elements - Vision! You tool! - and despite some very frustrating decisions, the central dilemma of the film is a strong and nuanced conversation-starter (and perhaps, argument-inducer). Even though the specific scenario and the people involved (Ross (both of them) and the floating Guantanamo, et al.) skews the narrative definitively against the Accords by the end, there is still fodder there for an intelligent debate about the merits of the concept if not the execution. And, most importantly, Steve’s position on the matter is the MCU’s Captain America to a T - a political story about the appreciable and essential difference between doing one’s duty to a concept, vs adherence to a moral code. Disobedience is a core part of Steve Rogers’ dilemmas - not that disobedience IS the dilemma for him, but that it is at odds with the patriotic good-ol’-boy image he is expected to inhabit from outside. Every Captain America film carries with it the idea that to do the highest good can mean rejecting everything that the people and institutions around you try to insist is right; refusing to play a role that has been prescribed to you; always making the choice for yourself, by your ethos, no matter how hard it is. Refusing to compromise when you see the compromise as an evil; planting yourself like a tree, and saying ‘No. You move’ (a great way of keeping Peggy’s influence alive and moving in the plot, by the way, and a key demonstration of how she and Steve met on the same wavelength. Lots of strong details in this movie, tbh). 

My primary complaint, however, is that this is also too much like an Avengers film; nearly all of the other major characters are there, and Tony especially gets a LOT of screen time, and since Cap and his films are my uncontested faves I am pretty salty about having to share the stage for his last outing. The tone and the subject matter are still totally on-brand, but the focus is split, and that’s particularly annoying for what it leaves behind. While Bucky is made central to the drive of the plot, Steve finally being reunited with him, bringing him in, getting the cathartic other side to what was so exquisitely set up in The Winter Soldier, it falls by the wayside a bit and comes off underdone. Sam is certainly there, being wonderful as always, but he doesn’t get a lot to actively influence, he’s mostly just That Other Guy, and it’s a real shame since he was a highlight among super-stiff competition in his introductory film. The touch of Peggy that shines through the film is poignant, but Sharon Carter gets the bad end of the stick with under-developed characterisation and a very ill-advised zero-chemistry attempt to stir a speck of romance in a story with no room for it, and altogether, the kinds of quiet character moments which added so much depth to The Winter Soldier are very much lacking here. We’ve got so many other characters on deck already, plus the introduction of two new major players (T’Challa has a solid, sombre presence which suits the film, and even his hypocrisy fits snugly into the plot so as not to be a barb against him, but as I’ve mentioned already, I am squarely against Peter Parker’s squeaky excessive comic-relief inclusion and the dire implications it has for Tony Stark’s moral compass), and we’re already spending so much time on beefing up Tony’s side of the Civil War. I don’t personally think the movie is bloated, overlong, or incoherent, but it definitely wanders close to all three and I wouldn’t be inclined to argue very strenuously with anyone who wanted to denounce it on any of those fronts. It has a lot going on, not quite too much for an ensemble movie, but more than it should as a story with a single character’s name in the title. I’m still mostly-satisfied by it, and consider it one of the stronger MCU films to date, but as a third Captain America, specifically? A bit of a let-down. 

[pixelgrotto]

The horrific Resident Evil playthrough, part ten

Resident Evil 6 is the big one that I was anticipating when I started this series playthrough in March. It’s the one that seems to have split the fanbase like no other, the one that some folks love and others abhor, and the one that took Resident Evil so far into the realm of explosions on top of zombies on top of exploding zombies that the franchise had no choice but to dial the entire thing back in Resident Evil 7 in order to give everyone’s minds a break before those exploded too. There is, in fact, a particular sort of enemy in this game that represents it well - called the Whopper, it’s a giant Fat Albert-looking thing that charges at you in a truly grotesque example of fun character design. It’s a bioweapon to be reckoned with, and when you see one coming your way, all you can say is “OH SHIT” as you try to blast its head apart before it barrages you into a wall.

RE6 is a whopper of a game. It’s chock full of so many different gameplay styles, so many plot threads, so many bits and pieces barely holding together at the seams in a mad effort to appease all sectors of the fan base - the people who preferred Resident Evil when it was eerie and quiet, the fans who fell in love with the series when Resident Evil 4 introduced an emphasis on action and the shippers who just love the characters and want to see them press the trigger of a Magnum at the same time and let loose with a bullet that will send the remains of a hulking Serbian mutation go stumbling backwards into the flames of a burning wind tunnel. 

The only way to properly assess RE6 in the midst of all this madness is to look at its four campaigns one-by-one, which took me 33 hours in total to complete, a staggering number for this series. 

Leon’s campaign - Everyone’s favorite Resident Evil protagonist who is still rocking Leonardo DiCaprio 90s hair (even though he’s aging in real-time and is apparently in his late 30s now) is BACK in this campaign, which seems to be the one that the game wants you to play first. It’s a rollicking adventure which I personally thought was the best of the bunch, though I wouldn’t blame you if you found Chris’ campaign better. I think I was won over by the fan service, since Leon’s opening chapter immediately channels Resident Evil 2 by forcing you to escape Tall Oaks, an American metropolitan area that’s essentially Raccoon City 2.0. Zombies will be lurching at you from the darkness like the old games, you’ve gotta run through subway cars just like in RE2 and RE3, and the whole vibe actually approaches scary at a few moments, which is something that the rest of this game has absolutely no time for. Partnered with Leon is Helena, a new character who’s also a US government agent but frankly kind of boring, and the pair quickly find themselves wrapped up in a conspiracy engineered by a politician named Derek Simmons. To figure out the extent of his conspiracy, you’ve gotta play Ada’s campaign (all the characters’ stories intersect at various points, which is one of this game’s best ideas), but let’s just say that Leon’s party ends in a wild rush to a made-up Chinese city named Lanshiang - which, from the POV of someone who lived in Hong Kong for six years, is clearly HK under another name. Half of Lanshiang gets blown up, Simmons transforms into what looks like a T-Rex and then a giant insect kaiju, and the general tone is deliciously batshit, though if you don’t like batshit then your mileage will vary. Leon gets music that I like to call "Funky Zombie Porno Breakbeats” for his ending theme, and I feel like this phrase can summarize the tone of the entire Resident Evil franchise perfectly. 

Chris’ campaign - If Leon’s adventure was the cheesy-but-occasionally-spooky “LET’S TAKE THESE ZOMBIES TO SUPLEX CITY, CHUMS” vibe of Resident Evil 4 on acid, then Chris’ campaign is the “MILITARY ESPIONAGE ACTION AGAINST BIOWEAPONS, BRUH” vibe of Resident Evil 5 on acid. It begins with Chris suffering from a bout of PTSD after losing a contingent of his men in a made-up country that’s supposed to be Serbia, then moves to Lanshiang after ace sniper Piers recruits Chris for one last mission. Instead of zombies, you fight mostly J’avo, a breed of terrorists using viruses to give themselves horrific limbs, and everything resembles a Call of Duty or SOCOM game, with Chris hearing instructions from his squad leader through his headpiece, ducking behind cover to shoot J’avos apart and generally being a weathered, grumpy soldier. The main theme of Chris’ campaign is actually removed from the overarching tale involving Simmons, and the focus is instead on the quieter, MANLY subplot about how all these years of fighting monstrosities has worn Mr. Redfield down. He needs to learn how to be a soldier once more, and Piers - a guy who I was initially suspicious of because he’s a pretty boy with nicely groomed hair, and those sorts are usually lame in Japanese video games - comes through as one of the most likable additions to Resident Evil lore in a long time to offer Chris much-needed support. The entire campaign might actually be better if played as Piers instead of Chris, especially due to a touching ending scene which is probably the one moment where the game’s plot transcends crazy horror action and enters the realm of something actually thought-provoking. Chris’ campaign, in general, is also where RE6 seems the most focused and confident, though the cover shooting mechanics are clunky when compared to titles that actually specialize in cover shooting, like Gears of War. Chris also doesn’t have Funky Zombie Porno Breakbeats for his ending music, so Leon gets a tiny point ahead of him in my book, but not by much. 

Jake’s campaign - I’ve read a few reviews that call this campaign the “experimental” one, and...yeaaaaah, it is. Jake, who’s the son of former Resident Evil baddie Albert Wesker, was presumably designed to serve as a bold new protagonist for future games, but he’s kind of an emo douchebag, so I played through the entirety of his missions as his partner Sherry Birkin. Sherry’s the little girl from Resident Evil 2 all grown up, which I think is genius, because she serves as a tangible example of this franchise’s progression over the years. You could probably show her picture to anyone unfamiliar with Resident Evil and be like, “That’s a formerly 10-year-old side character from the second game grown up into a secret agent” and get a response of "Woah, cool,” so yeah, I like Sherry a lot. In fact, her presence made this whole campaign tolerable, because Jake is an edgelord and his missions run the confused gamut from shoot ‘em up sections to weird exploration bits that seem to want to channel the spirit of the old games but don’t succeed. Then there are the stealth and chase sequences against Ustanak, the “hulking Serbian mutation” that I mentioned a few paragraphs ago. This fellow was clearly created to remind Resident Evil veterans of Mr. X and Nemesis from RE2 and RE3, but while those guys would break down walls and pop outta nowhere to put a lump in your throat, Ustanak’s every impending arrival is advertised from a mile away, to the point where he’s not really frightening - just redundant. And the stealth bits against him seem like B-tier ripoffs of sequences in Metal Gear Solid, because RE6′s engine is really not engineered for sneakiness. At one point, Sherry and Jake have to hide in garbage dumpsters as Ustanak sniffs around, and that serves as an accurate representation of what large portions of their campaign are. These two kiddies do get a cheesy love ballad for their ending song, though, because the game really wants you to ship ‘em. Sherry, ya deserve better. 

Ada’s campaign - As messy as Jake’s campaign is, however, it’s nothing compared to Ada’s, which was originally an unlockable extra in the original release of RE6 and designed to tie up loose story threads. It does do that, though the resulting plot - where Simmons got so obsessed with Ada Wong that he whipped up an entirely new virus to re-create her and then lost track of it - is pretty meh, though it could perhaps be an intriguing exploration of the depths of male entitlement in the hands of a better writer. Aside from these pieces of so-so story, Ada’s adventure offers aggravation in the form of bad level design and a truly horrid slew of Quicktime Events and wretched stealth sections, which, once again, this game just doesn’t do well. It opens with her investigating a sub filled with guards that she’s encouraged to sneak past, except you can’t really sneak in RE6 and eventually they all notice and decide to gangbang you, and then the sub floods and there’s dizzying shaky cam everywhere that made me feel sick. You’re given a minimal amount of seconds to succeed on the Quicktime Events to escape the rising floodwaters, and I felt like I was playing a game of Dragon’s Lair, where you need to press right or left immediately or risk seeing yourself die over and over again. That sums up the frustration of Ada’s campaign, which also made me realize one important thing - I really don’t find Ada Wong to be much of an interesting character. She’s little more than a walking femme fatale trope, and even people who insist on shipping her with Leon will probably have to admit that those two’s “relationship,” if you can even call it that, is little more than quick winks and five minute interactions that have amounted to nothing over the span of nearly twenty years. The pair of them get ONE good scene on a bridge in this game, but that’s it, and honestly, their cornball kiss near the end of RE2 is still a more genuine character interaction. Oh yeah, and on the topic of ending music, since I seem to be coming back to that a lot in this post, Ada gets generic filler tunes for her credit roll. How appropriate. 

As you can see in the impressions above, in its own special way, Resident Evil 6 has something for everyone, ranging from a quality tale about battle-hardened men shooting biomutations to terrible levels that feel like they came out of a 2005 PS2 game that was quickly relegated to the bargain bin at Gamestop. Reviews were all over the place when this sucker came out, and still are today, with just as many people insisting that this game is the shit as there are people emphasizing that it is shit. My verdict? It’s BOTH, with some truly excellent parts and some truly abhorrent ones. It could have done with some trimming, for sure, and at the end of the day, Leon’s and Chris’ campaigns feel like the only real important ones here. A streamlined and likely better-received version of Resident Evil 6 would’ve only focused on those two guys - since one pivotal scene where the pair meet for a few minutes, briefly scuffle and POINT THEIR GUNS AT EACH OTHER YEAAA FAN SERVICE - seems to have been written first. That would’ve given Resident Evil 6 a better balance, with Leon’s missions possibly focusing on old school survival horror and pulp while Chris’ missions would lean hard on the military action stuff. 

But we didn’t get that. Instead, what we got is a shambling whopper of a game - at times as unwieldy and ridiculous as the enemy bearing the same name, at other times just as satisfying as a real-life beef whopper. Resident Evil 6 is both good and bad, the video game equivalent of an excessive and expensive comic book crossover, and shit, I think I’ve just written the most about it than any of its predecessors.

That, at the very least, has to count for something.

All screenshots taken by me. For more, check out this Twitter thread showing my step-by-step progress through the game.

[omniversalobservations]

Battle Of World-Altering Finger Snaps: ‘Infinity War’ vs. ‘The Good Place’

A lot of things have happened in 2018. Entirely too many things, one might say, especially if one made the mistake of allowing push notifications to their phone from multiple news sources. And with that barrage of big huge things constantly barreling toward you, it’s easy to miss the smaller things, and the connections between things. For example, did you realize that there were two separate world-altering finger snaps by powerful non-human entities in pop culture this year? Because there were. One in the summer’s biggest box office blockbuster, Avengers: Infinity War, and one in an under-watched-but-beloved network sitcom, The Good Place.

That’s kind of weird, right? That finger-snapping played a huge role in two of the year’s most buzzed about pieces of pop culture? Maybe it’s not as weird as I think it is. I don’t know. Maybe I just want an excuse to write something like “MAYA RUDOLPH VS. THANOS, TWO FINGER-SNAPPING TITANS ENTER, ONE CHAMPION EMERGES.” There’s a really good chance that’s what’s happening here, to be honest. I stand by it.

Let’s break these snaps down.

The Snappers In one corner, we have Thanos, a monstrous despot from another galaxy who looks like a shaved Grimace on a paleo diet and was on a mission to acquire all of the universe’s infinity stones and lock them into a golden glove that would make him all-powerful. In the other corner, we have Gen (short for Hydrogen), the all-knowing and all-deciding judge who lives in the neutral zone between the good and bad place and is played by Maya Rudolph.

Your first instinct here is probably to give the edge to Thanos because he’s a big beefy warlord who looks like if Barney the Dinosaur had an evil lovechild with Shrek’s mom. He wears armor. He battled Thor in hand-to-hand combat. But consider this: If we accept both of the universes at play here as factual and combine them, that means that Thanos, as a living being, falls under the dominion of Gen, and his fate will be decided by her in the event of his death. That’s real power.

EDGE: The Good Place

The Reason for the Snap Pretty straightforward, really. And totally opposite. Thanos wants to wipe out half the universe’s population as a way to prevent overuse of resources. Gen wants to put four dead people — Eleanor, Chidi, Tahani, and my beloved Jason — back on Earth to see if they are capable of becoming better after surviving the tragic accident that killed them the first time.

Want a fun visual: Picture Maya Rudolph sitting at her desk in peace the instant before Thanos snaps his fingers and then picture billions and billions of confused people and aliens just popping up in there. And then picture Maya Rudolph doing a classic Maya Rudolph “oh HELL no” and snapping them all back into existence. And then Thanos snaps them out again. And it just goes on and on for 10 minutes with Maya Rudolph getting more and more furious and Thanos getting more and more perplexed, tapping his glove like it’s malfunctioning or something while Spider-man keeps turning to dust and shrieking “Oh man, Mr. Stark, it’s happening again!”

EDGE: Infinity War, just for the scope

The Snap Itself [It's] wild how similar these were. Both were immediately followed by a flash to white. Both came about suddenly, before anyone was ready for it. The only major difference is that Gen was doing it with the support and encouragement of Michael and Thanos was doing it as Thor was jamming a sharp object through his heart. So I guess, just due to the adversity level…

EDGE: Infinity War

The Result of the Snap Well, this one is a little tough because both are as-yet unresolved. Thanos did wipe out half of the universe’s population and Gen did send four people back to Earth, yes, but there’s another Infinity War and another season of The Good Place worth of explaining to do. I guess we can look at it two ways. One is to say that, just following the general arc of superhero movies, Thanos’s plan will fail and the snap will be reversed, both because that’s a better ending and because Marvel suuuuuper did not just kill off Spider-man and Black Panther and their accompanying multibillion-dollar franchises. Gen’s snap, on the other hand, will probably serve its purpose in some way, because The Good Place is about learning and growing even if you take a few steps back to make a bigger leap forward. So just looking at potential for desired goal, you gotta give it the edge.

The other way to look at it is to say which will have the most impact, at least in the short term. The obvious answer here is Thanos. Again, half of the universe’s population is gone. But, I mean, Jason Mendoza is back in Jacksonville, too. I really don’t think we can discount how much of an effect that doofus can have on the world, even if it’s just by accident. He could challenge a world leader to a game of Madden online one day and trigger a world war. He could throw a Molotov cocktail at the Pope because he and Pillboi thought the Pope was a rival DJ. Anything is possible. This one is a push at best.

EDGE: The Good Place

Verdict We are tied at two categories each, which means we go to our tiebreaker: Who would win in a fight, Maya Rudolph or Thanos?

Congratulations to The Good Place.

Source: Uproxx

[wecannotgoback]

Video Games Might be a Little Satanic

Susan Brinkmann of Philadelphia’s The Bulletin would like you to know that video games are, more and more, skewing towards the satanic and are waging a war against God… or… something. According to Brinkmann, even the “hardcore” crowd is starting to become concerned by the increasing levels of anti-religious sentiment in modern video games.

Even the most hard-core gamers are sounding the alarm about the rise in the number of satanically-themed video games that target God and Christianity, invite players to make pacts with the devil, and elevate Satan to hero status.

“This has been going on for the last 10 years, but especially in the most recent games,” said Lance Christian, 32, of Alton, Illinois who has been an avid gamer for most of his life.

Basically Mr. Christian and, by extension, Mrs. Brinkmann are arguing that the video game industry has become increasingly friendly towards Mr. Beelz.

Brinkmann cites several games to support her argument (and provided by Mr. Christian), including Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne, Darksiders, Devil Summoner and Tecmo’s Deception: Invitation to Darkness. But the brunt of Brinkmann’s article is aimed squarely at EA’s Dante’s Inferno and it’s apparent outward showing of anti-religious sentiment. Sadly this argument falls apart when you actually look at the game and not just some questionable advertisements. Best Twitch streaming equipment.

Without getting into too much detail, Dante’s Inferno puts you in the shoes of Dante, a soldier from the Third Crusade who has embarked on a journey into the afterlife to rescue his wife from Lucifer before he can use her soul to break free from Hell and try to overthrow God and Heaven. In the process of doing this Dante must fight his way through demons of all shapes and sizes while using a big ass scythe… so in reality, it’s almost 100% faithful to the Divine Comedy if scribe Dante Alighieri had watched “What Dreams May Come”.

And dropped blotter acid.

Let’s look at Dante’s Inferno objectively for a moment. Yes, the game is very brutal and definitely deals heavily in the macabre. But once you look beyond what’s on the surface what you find is a rather righteous tale of redemption as this man travels to the furthest corners of hell in order to save the woman he loves from the devil himself and in the process protecting Heaven and possibly saving God’s ass. I don’t know about you guys, but that’s pretty damn angelic to me, regardless of the methods used.

Cultural Differences The fair majority of games listed in Brinkmann’s article are Japanese in origin. In Japan, religion is not a particularly taboo issue and many forms of Japanese media, from manga to films and games, include some form of religious or spiritual content that is used as a mechanism to further the plot. That’s it and, more often than not, that’s all. No condemnation. No outrage. Best gaming chair models for 2021.

This issue doesn’t spark until news of the ‘evil anti-Christian Satan sim’ reaches the American Bible Belt or, God forbid, the mainstream news.

You see, the United States has something of a hard on for Jesus and whenever something that dares to paint Christianity as anything but a bright white beacon of hope for all humanity, a small but loud sect of the American population cries foul. This is due in large part to two things: 1.) Ignorance of the culture the game was created in and for, and B.) Arrogance. Pure, simple arrogance. Specifically the arrogance that any mention of “God” automatically means that it’s referring to your god.

As a matter of fact, most video games are very careful to avoid mentioning any religions outright. Sometimes, as is the case with games like The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, elements of existing religions are used to enhance the mythos. In Oblivion, the Knights of the Nine are strikingly similar to the Knights Templar. Anyone who takes the time to read the countless books in Oblivion will find many more nods to real-world religions and beliefs worked in.

Games like Oblivion, which feature religion outright, are a rare breed. The majority of games that use religious symbolism do so in a more subtle or restrained way. Bayonetta (one of the games listed by Mrs. Brinkmann), for instance, is basically about a witch who is out to kill angels. While this works to set the story up, it doesn’t actually come up very often as you play and when it does, it’s not pushed on you very strongly. Of course, Bayonetta isn’t exactly what you would consider a serious game – most gamers were quick to realize that Bayonetta is little more than breastakaboobical, chestakamammical, pendular globular fun. Unless you actively pay attention, you won’t even notice it’s there.

The Dragon Age Effect Dragon Age: Origins is a shining example of how religion and religious belief can be conveyed in games. For those of you who have yet to play it, Dragon Age: Origins includes an religious group known as the Chantry of Andraste, which is heavily based on Christianity. Unlike games like Oblivion, which treat spirituality and religious faith as absolute fact, Dragon Age: Origins keeps the entire discussion rather. At no point during the game are you led by the narrative to believe that the story of Andraste is either right or wrong. To further gray the area of religious belief, there are several points in the game you can overhear NPCs and members of your party debating the merits of religious belief and faith.

The true beauty of how religion is portrayed within Dragon Age: Origins is that at no point during the game are you given the answers. It treats religion as a characteristic of a larger world and the overall narrative is such that depending on how one looks at it one can decide whether they were taking part in a holy war or simply defending their homeland from an invading army. The Gamer Collective’s list of best corner gaming desks.

But of course, Blankmann and Mr. Christian (who provided the list) have taken Dragon Age: Origins and boiled it down to its most base elements — and somehow still managed to get those wrong:

Game revolves around the story of God going mad and cursing the world. A witch attacks believers and players can “have sex” with her in a pagan act called “blood magic” so she can “give birth to a god.” Another scenario allows player to have sex with a demon in exchange for a boy’s soul.

I have to admit that I’ve yet to finish Dragon Age: Origins so I turned to resident Dragon Age expert, friend of Binge Gamer and all around connoisseur of awesomesauce Raychul Moore to see just how accurate the above statement was.

Suffice to say, not very NOTE: SPOILERS AHEAD:

HA! That is all wrong. You have sex with a Mage so that the demon will not kill and take the soul of one of the Grey Wardens (they are the only ones that can kill the Archdemon). You never can have sex with someone to save a demon.

[Before that] a boy is possessed, but you can’t sleep with someone to save him, you have to decide whether to kill the boy or have someone go into the “Fade” to fight the demon and save the boy. “God going mad”? Yeah, they never played the game, obviously. There is no reference at all to such a thing.

…I have nothing to add, I simply wanted to clarify that Mrs. Brinkmann’s article was wrong.

The Other Extreme If games like Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne are the extreme of demonic imagery in games, the other extreme is best seen in Left Behind: Eternal Forces, a real-time strategy based on the series of books that have also spawned a series of movies starring Kirk Cameron as Himself*. The basic premise of Eternal Forces is that the world has ended and you’re on a mission to convert as many people to Christianity as possible.

And if they don’t convert, you kill them.

Apart from that Left Behind: Eternal Forces is the single most intentionally racist game I’ve ever played. Those fighting for the “Antichrist” have African and Arabic names whilst the majority of those fighting for the Lord are whiter than Ward Cleaver. Furthermore the game carries a 1950s-esque sense of gender role as many unit classes are “men only” while women must carry around arbitrary titles like “Medic Woman”.

For what its worth many Christian organizations decried the game as being the misogynistic, bigoted tripe that it was. What few of these groups realized was that the game itself also sucked, for which there is no forgiveness.

No More Backpedaling But you know what? For as much as I find Left Behind: Eternal Forces to be a vile disgrace on the video game industry, I would not call for it to be censored. I wouldn’t call for it to be pulled from store shelves, and in fact I would like to see Left Behind: Eternal Forces and other games like it sitting on store shelves right next to Devil May Cry and Shadow Hearts. As gaming grows, the industry needs more games to address these supposedly taboo topics. And when the blowback comes (and it will come), the gaming industry must stand its ground.

No more backpedaling.

Every time a group of people cry foul over the content of a particular title, the games industry goes absolutely insane. Developers and publishers have PR firms draft ultra-professional retorts to these wild-eyed complaints while game bloggers (schmucks like me) circle the wagon and say anything they can to try and discredit the source while rarely, if ever, addressing the core issue.

This needs to stop.

The video game industry, as a whole, needs to stand up and say two simple words:

So what? Until the gaming industry stops trying to apologize every time a title offends someone, that aura of “legitimacy” that so many gamers want in order for this medium to be taken seriously as an art form will continue to elude them. If you want this thirty year-old misconception that video games are strictly a children’s toy to finally be done away with, we’re going to have to own up to and defend all the content in these games instead of apologizing for it.

So as the title says: Yes, some games are satanic. Some games are sexist. Some games are racially or culturally insensitive, though rarely is it out of maliciousness. Some games have content that you or I will not agree with. But if gaming is to truly become accepted in the public consciousness as an art form and a true entertainment medium, people are simply going to have to accept that there is some content that they simply will not like. Just like they do with film and music and television.

Gaming is not just for children anymore, and to break that mindset you may have to drag a few people to that realization kicking and screaming. But before the gaming industry can do that, it has to stop being afraid of stepping on a few toes.

*Correction: Kirk Cameron’s character of Buck Williams may actually be slightly less insane than Kirk Cameron himself.

Oh, One More Thing…a lifelong gamer with intricate knowledge of several “anti-Christian,” “anti-religious” games who lives in Alton, Illinois (home to one of the oldest Catholic Churches in the United States) who just happens to be named “Lance Christian”? … something smells about that. I think Mrs. Brinkmann has been had.

[moviegeeksfilmnews-blog1]

Star Wars:Episode VII

We now know who will write and who will helm the first of the stand alone Star Wars movies. And thanks to CNet we have a release date. The movie is scheduled for release on December 16th 2016, making the May release dates a thing of the past. The film will be directed by British born Garreth Edwards. Mr. Edwards’ first movie Monsters was one of my favourite films the year it was released and he went on to direct this year’s Godzilla showing just how capable a director he really is. /Film ran a piece about the announcement and quoted Mr. Edwards as having said the following:

"Ever since I saw Star Wars I knew exactly what I wanted to do for the rest of my life – join the Rebel Alliance! I could not be more excited & honoured to go on this mission with Lucasfilm,"

As for the writer on the as yet untitled movie; we get Gary Whittas. Mr. Whittas was responsible for The Book Of Eli, which was another enjoyable and very original movie. One has to wonder about what tone the producers are aiming for for the first standalone Star Wars movie. When you compare the DNA of Monsters and The Book Of Eli there are some interesting parallels.

So what will the first non saga film in the history of Star Wars focus on? There has been a lot of chatter on the interwebs about more prequels. Yep, prequels. It doesn’t matter how you cut it, a Boba Fett or a Han Solo movie would be a prequel. In fact, mining anything from the canon would constitute a prequel, but to we really want to see early years stories of characters like Yoda? I’d have to come out and say no thank you! Remembering that the above announcements are the only official word on the projects so far, let’s take a look at the rumoured release schedule:

Firstly here is the predicted line up:

2014: Rebels

2015: Episode VII

2016: Boba Fett

2017: Episode VIII

2018: Solo

2019: Episode IX

2020: Red Five

From the top then: Rebels airs on TV later this year. There has been talk that there will be some familiar faces in the cast. Obi Wan Kenobi been all but confirmed, Lando Calrissian is being strongly rumoured. And why not? Vader, the Emperor even teenagers Luke and Leia are available to draw on in this time period and I’m sure after a couple of seasons the creators will start looking in those directions.

Then we have Episode VII

As yet untitled but currently shooting with an exciting cast, I think we all have quite positive feelings about this movie. J.J. seems to fully respect the franchise and understand what made the original films great so we can relax a little bit there. We’ve had a couple of video messages from the director including this one which featured an interesting practical effect.

Here we reach our first bump in the road

The next prediction is for the movie Mr. Edwards is due to helm. This movie, according to rumour, will be about Boba Fett! I really hate this idea. Here’s why: we have gone back and studied a mysterious character from the original trilogy before. That character was Anakin Skywalker. Now, I was perfectly fine with Darth Vader having been Anakin. I was happy with the nods toward his past with Obi Wan, his appearance beneath the mask in Jedi and his old man force ghost in the trilogy’s closing moments, then we get the prequels. Now I don’t bash on the prequels like many people, I enjoy much of what’s there, but I’m certain I didn’t need so much Anakin back story. The attempts to make Anakin and by extension Vader more sympathetic harmed the character if Vader. In fact I wonder just how much power that character would have for an audience familiar with the new running order. The “I am your father” moment is lost forever right? So do we really want to be looking into these character’s pasts again? Perhaps in some cases, and we will get to that in a moment, but certainly not in others. Boba Fett was arguably one of the coolest things about the original films, helped largely by the fact that he was a mystery. He came out of nowhere, had two or three lines, did his evil deeds and disappeared. He was incredibly popular as a result and I think its fair to say throwing the character under the spotlight in Attack Of The Clones was a mistake. Knowing where he came from undermined his character. Making his ‘father’ the clone template and placing them both in the Battle of Geonosis made the universe of Star Wars seem smaller. Why does everybody have to cross paths with everybody else? Chewy in Revenge Of The Sith, and The Clone a Wars TV series for that matter, did the same thing. It shrinks the world, why wouldn’t their big screen entrance into this world have been the first involvement with it? Leave their origins alone.

Let’s skip ahead to 2018’s offering. It’s rumoured to be a Han Solo movie. What could that possibly be I wonder! The character is reportedly taking centre stage in a Episode VII, so it won’t be a sequel, we’re getting that already! It won’t be set between episodes either and I’m pretty sure it won’t be an art house piece focusing on his time in carbonite as told through his nightmarish fever dreams! No this would be another bloody prequel! Another origin story for a character I’m happy to have met the moment he slid behind that table in A New Hope! I don’t want to see him as a kid! Even Uncle George dodged that bullet in Revenge Of The Sith when he abandoned a story that had a young Han Solo on the Wookiee home world. Leave him as a figure of mystery. We know enough, he was a smuggler, he was a gambler, he won the Falcon and cheated Jabba. And he shot first! Why do we need more that that? He served his purpose in the trilogy he was in, he served the story, he was never the focus, Luke was. We don’t need a Han Solo movie.

This brings us to another problem. Casting. Who would play the characters? Boba Fett could be anyone really that doesn’t matter. Prequel actor Daniel Logan lacks the chops so we might want to pass him over, but you can stick anyone else under that helmet and let them have a go at it (Karl Urban please), but Han is different. You only have a limited time frame to play with. Han was about 35 in Star Wars so you need to go younger than that. Too young and you make the Anakin mistake from Episode I and it becomes something other than a Han movie. Han will have to be in his late 20s early 30s and perhaps be played by an unknown with a passing resemblance to Harrison Ford. Good luck with that! Or, Zack Effron has been long rumoured as a potential Star Wars actor, is that what you want? No, leave the Solo character alone, we don’t need more detail on his origin thanks.

But there is one character that we could see work. The time frame is clear, at least until the Rebels TV show time frame, about 4 years prior to a Episode IV A New Hope. We’d be picking up after the prequels, before the original 1977 film, and you could cast the same actor. Step forward Obi Wan!

An Obi Wan movie could be perfect! He spent years in the wastes of a Tatooine as far as we know! Nothing else is eluded too in the original films. Maybe he had off world adventures? Maybe he worked with Clone Wars characters like Ahsoka Tano in those years. We’d get to see those characters in live action. Perhaps he has to fight off those hunting down the Jedi. Maybe it’d be a small self contained western style story set in a dusty little alien town. Perhaps Obi Wan and a female character, potentially Ahsoka, would find themselves on the road, against great odds travelling to safety in a wild and desolate landscape filled with deadly creatures and dangerous marauders. Perhaps Obi Wan would be tasked by someone to return something precious to him, maybe a Jedi Holocron, that he will need to protect! If any of those elements seem familiar to you it suggests that you may have seen Garreth Edwards’ Monsters and the Gary Whittas penned The Book Of Eli.

This has to have crossed the collective minds of producers! Ewan McGregor has indicated that he’d like to return, and I’d love to see him in the role again. Tell a simple, stand alone story, and get it right, and you’ll be able to do another one in a few years! There are stories that exist to be draw on too. Like the novel Star Wars Kenobi and the graphic novel that sees the return of Darth Maul. Now I know that’s been covered in the, now canon, Clone Wars, but it’s an example of the freedom the Obi Wan character gives creators. He is an established character with a solid back story, we know what happens to him so he’ll need others to interact with so the story has something at stake. We also don’t know the fate of Ahsoka Tano. When last we saw her she left the Jedi. What’s her fate, do you think the creators will leave her out of the expanded stories?

Finally, 2020 will supposedly bring us Red Five. Red Five was Luke’s call sign in A New Hope, but by Empire he was Red Leader and never returned to Rogue Squadron, so what’s the plan here? Recast Luke? Tell Rogue Squadron stories set between A New Hope and Empire? No thanks to the recasting I can live without that! An animated film perhaps? Maybe an animated TV show like Rebels? I could deal with that. They’d have a short window within which to work, even if there was two years between episodes IV and V that’d only give you two seasons of TV wouldn’t it? I guess each season could focus on a six month period and then you’d get four or five seasons so that could work. So if there is any truth to the Red Five rumour I’m betting on an animated Luke focused TV show that takes over from Rebels.

So what about the future of big screen Star Wars? Another trilogy? There could be an argument to be made here. Disney have a huge cash cow with this franchise, one they paid top dollar for, you don’t expect them to call it a day at Episode IX do you? There could be Obi Wan sequels that see Ewan McGregor reprise the role well into his later years, as he catches up to Alec Guinness’ age. How about original characters? The new cast could spin off into stand alone movies? Prequels! We could have Darth Plagueis or Darth Sidious origins, maybe we see young Darth Maul. I’m not saying I’d like to see those, but they’re options.

[hekate1308]

Control

One month prior

Mothers are excellent pressure points.

Sadly, most of the children who find their way to Kendricks no longer have any. They might never have lost Mick Davies if he had a mother.

But, Dr. Hess learned from Mary Winchester, the King of Hell of all people still has one.

Their relationship seems to be... tempestuous at best, and she can’t really tell them a lot about it (and this is the great hunter whose praises Ketch sang? Dr. Hess is starting to think he adored Mary Winchester for other reasons he doesn’t want to know about), but the point is, the witch called Rowena is Crowley’s mother and she knows how to get under his skin.

And perhaps... more?

First of all, she starts ordering more Men of Letters to come to America. Despite their earlier plans, they will need reinforcements if they want to get this situation under control.

The Winchesters cannot be found. For now.

But the witch, that’s another matter.          

They have a long, proud history of catching witches.

The Middle Ages were a highly successful period in that regard.

Eventually, it transpires that she has been staying in Florida for the past few months, enjoying the attention of several millionaires in their private clubs.

“I have already dealt with her son” Mrs. Winchester argues. “I should be the one to talk to her.”

“No offense, but exactly the history your respective sons share might make the conversation difficult. This is a business arrangement, not a hunt.”

Much as she doesn’t like the thought of working with a witch, she could easily live with it if Rowena MacLeod accepts her offer. She has to be careful, of course. If she’s anything like her son, her loyalties can shift in an instant.

But then, her offer is rather good, if she says so herself.

She would have been surprised if the witch didn’t recognize her immediately for a threat as soon as she steps into the club, and she doesn’t disappoint.

She’s only sat down when she saunters over, wearing an Armani dress and much too impractical shoes.

“Hello. Rowena MacLeod. And what would you want?”

“What makes you think I want anything from you?”

She shakes her head.

“I’m centuries old, dearie. I regognize a hunter whne I see one.”

“I am not a hunter” she tells her pointedly. Hunters have always disgusted her. Muscled apes, running into dangerous situations juts because they could without proper intel.

“Oh. So you are one of them” she replies carelessly, without letting her know if that is better or worse in her view.

“Yes. I am the leader of the Men of Letters.”

“Not leader enough to change the name” Rowena mutters.

She doesn’t react to the subtle insult.

“I am here to offer you – “

“I cannot imagine I’d be interested in anything you have. As far as I can tell, you haven’t managed to hunt down two hunters – three now, I heard. What could you possibly have that I would want?”

“What about complete control over your son? And Hell, respectively?”

It’s an old parchment they have kept in their archives for a long time. While a spell to control demons is a tempting concept, only a powerful witch will be able to cast it.

Rowena MacLeod might be strongest they have yet encountered, and she has an actual reason to work with them.

And really... if she should indeed be able to control Hell... the devil they know is certainly better than any other, isn’t that true?

Plus, witches are a lot easier to kill than demons.

Her eyes narrow.

“I am listening.”

Now

“My dear Madam Umbridge, I cannot think of any reason why you of all people would want to make a deal with me. Aside from the fact that I won’t.”

“You haven’t listened to – “

“I don’t need to. No deal. Doesn’t matter how long you keep waving your eyelashes at me. Or Mummy Winchester, for that matter.”

“I know you have them” Mary Winchester hisses at him. “I know part of why they are so confused is – “

“Confused? It might be one way to describe them, but certainly not in the way you think. I assure you, everything they’ve done since they walked away from your shining example of motherly love they have done of their own free will.”

She wants to argue, but Dr. Hess interrupts her before she can speak.

“This doesn’t help us, Mrs. Winchester. Mr. Crowley, think about it. We can guarantee you that, if you give us the Winchesters, no one will ever bother you again. We will take over and rid America of monsters and ghosts, but we could make a deal that ensures your business would stay unharmed. Of course this would include all future generations of Men of Letters.”

Apparently she’s done something that, as she’s gathered from her reports, is not an easy task.

She’s surprised the King of Hell.

He’s studying her, baffled, before, to her surprise, he throws his head back and laughs.

“You should check your records again, my dear. As much as it pains me to admit it, I would never betray the Winchesters. Never again.”

Dr. Hess thankfully learned to hide her emotions a long time ago. Sadly, both Elton and Willoughby make surprised noises behind her, and Mary Winchester looks incredulous.

She certainly never expected this – loyalty from a demon.

“Are you sure? It is a good offer.”

“It is” Crowley agrees, surprising her yet again. “The monopoly of all the Men of Letters’ supernatural needs. But guess what. I don’t let myself be controlled by anyone.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure, Fergus.”

Dr. Hess didn’t hear Rowena enter the room.

Neither did anyone else, apparently.

“Mother? What are you doing here?”

She ignored his question.

“It has been a while.”

“Since you sent my son to his death. I remember.”

“Oh, Fergus, let bygones be bygones.”

“Why should I? I’m in a trap and you are doing business with the enemy.”

He’s still relaxed, sure of himself.

He won’t be for long.

“What can I say? I know a good offer when I see one, just like you.”

“That the day should come when a demon has more backbone than a witch...” he muses, eying the book she’s carrying, not even paying anyone else attention anymore.

It angers her, a little. But they’ll learn. Soon all these wild hunters and awful creatures will learn just what they are capable of.

“Mr. Crowley, have you ever heard of the Spell of St. John?”

His demeanour changes – subtly. She doubts anyone but herself and his mother can tell.

“That’s – that’s just a myth. No one has ever done it.”

“Because no one had the power, dearie” Rowena says. “Me, on the other hand...”

If it works, they’ll have an ally right in the middle of the enemy camp. Or at least a servant. He won’t want to follow their orders, of course; but he won’t be able to help it. According to the spell, no demon can resist.

“You can’t – “

“Oh, but we can, Mr. Crowley. You will report to us regularly, and you will let no one know you’re under a spell, or that we summoned you, or anything else that would endanger our mission.”

“To commit genocide” he snarls, and to her shock she realizes he thinks he’s actually better than them.

A demon. Believing he’s genuinely a better person than they could ever be.

Cold fury grips her.

“Perform the spell.”

As Rowena prepares the ingredients, she can tell Crowley is trying everything to get out of the trap.

He won’t. They’ve made it extra strong just to be sure.

“Leave the room” she orders the others.

They are not exactly sure how far the power the spell gives them will stretch. Ideally, only those who are in the room when it is performed should control the demon.

“You too, Mrs. Winchester” she says after Elton and Willoughby have shuffled out.

“But – “

“Now” she orders her, and finally the irritating huntress leaves, but not without a last dirty look at their victim.

Rowena begins to recite the spell as soon as the door closes behind her.

Just before she finishes it, something unexpected happens.

“Mother, please – “

He’s genuine in his plea, just like he was when he told them he wouldn’t make a deal with them.

Rowena’s hand stills for a second, but she moves forward with the spell.

It’s only a fraction of a second, it might as well just be part of the work.

She finishes it.

Bright light fills the room.

Two hours later

“Ah, Crowley. I was wondering where you had flattered of to”.

Dean chuckles about his own joke.

“Hell business.”

It’s not what he wants to say, but he can’t help it. He has no control over his body, sometimes even his thoughts get out of order.

He assumes this must be what it feels like to be possessed. He’s suddenly glad he always preferred dead meat to have to subdue a struggling soul.

“We think the Men of letters might be trying to consolidate their forces – “

No, dean, don’t tell me. I’ll have to report back to them.

Squirrel, don’t.

But he does, and half an hour later he’s back at their base, betraying the Winchesters, betraying –

Betraying his family.

They are going to bleed for this.

I swear it, Dean.

I’ll find a way out.

And they’ll bleed.

[pokemaniacal]

Pokémon Moon, Episode 9: In Which I Do Battle With A Demon Jellyfish From The Endless Void

I should really just get out while I’m ahead. 

I got this sparkly bracelet thing, I got a bunch of weird voodoo crystals with a variety of dubiously magic powers, I got a bunch of… arguably cool Pokémon that I’d never seen before.  Some of those things’d have to fetch a decent price if I just left Alola and never looked back, right?

And if you’re with the police, no, obviously I’m not talking about the Pokémon; they would stay with me back in Kanto and I would do my best to give them all a good life.

(If you’re not with the police, look, I know a guy who knows a guy, okay?  Just be cool)

“You may call me Faba.” Like… like the bean?  Come to think of it, his glasses do look kind of like beans.  Sure, whatever, let’s go with that.  This way, he can be played by Rowan Atkinson in the movie adaptation. “I told you before that I would show you someplace astounding, right?  Well, that wondrous place is… Aether Paradise!”  I look at him blankly. “…should I have heard of it, or…?” “Just as the name suggests, Aether Paradise is a veritable paradise for Pokémon that floats far out in the sea surrounding Alola,” Mr. Bean explains.  “It is an artificial island, made entirely by human technology, for the protecting of Pokémon!  And our Foundation wishes to offer you a tour of Aether Paradise – you will come, won’t you?” “A chance to see a state-of-the-art Pokémon conservation facility?  Sure, how can I pass it up?”  It’s not exactly what I had in mind for my time in Alola, but I’m pretty sure this counts as sightseeing on some level.  Olivia and Professor Kukui show up to drop off Hau, and give us both a nice send-off from Akala Island, since Mr. Bean says we’ll be able to travel directly to Ula’ula Island once we’re finished at the Aether Paradise.  Hau, as usual, is practically bouncing off the walls with excitement and can’t wait to see the Paradise, so the three of us board a small Aether Foundation ship and set off. 

The Aether Paradise is everything it’s talked up to be – a huge, gleaming white building on a platform floating in the middle of the open ocean.  Mr. Bean is tight-lipped about what exactly holds it up; according to Hau, it’s rumoured to be supported by powerful Pokémon, but Hau is an idiot. It’s impressive, regardless.  The ship drops us off on the docking level, where several Machamp and a few particularly burly humans are shifting huge wooden crates.  Everything is the same pristine white as the superstructure.  Mr. Bean explains that below us, beneath sea level, there are research labs where Aether Foundation scientists are working on new technologies to assist in Pokémon conservation, including special advanced Pokéballs, and also warns us that, although there are many wild Pokémon in the facility, we cannot use our own Pokéballs due to a special jamming signal.  I ask to see the underwater labs, and am told that I can take the elevator down to the research level if I want to use the observation windows in the lobby, but the labs themselves are off limits.  Well, that’s… a little suspicious, but I guess the Aether Foundation is a privately-run organisation with a lot of sensitive new technology, so it’s not unreasonable.  The conservation level, on the other hand, is ours to explore.  Mr. Bean is apparently far too important to show us around himself, though, so he quickly fobs us off on his assistant, a friendly purple-haired woman named Wicke.  Wicke gives us a brief tour of the parts of the administration level that aren’t off-limits, before zipping us up to the real attractions on the conservation level. 

The conservation level is truly spectacular – a carefully balanced mix of woodland, river and hillside habitats, criss-crossed by walkways and tended by numerous Foundation workers, filled with rare Pokémon, and all enclosed in perspex so the climate can be controlled.  The whole thing must be the size of a small town. “We keep Pokémon that have been targeted by Team Skull here,” Wicke tells us, directing our attention around the different parts of the conservation area with sweeping arm gestures.  “And we also try to support Pokémon that need a little extra protection.  Like Corsola, for example.  They are quite terribly overhunted by a Pokémon called Toxapex…” (the evolved form of Mareanie?) “I hope you don’t mind if I read a passage from my Pokédex.”  She pulls out her ‘dex and quotes an entry: “Toxapex crawls along the ocean floor on its 12 legs.  It leaves a trail of Corsola bits scattered in its wake.”  I frown. “Yeah,” Hau says, “my grandpa’s always saying nature’s got its cruel side, sure as it gives us blessings.” “Well… isn’t that all part of the balance, though?” I question Wicke.  “Toxapex are native to Alola, aren’t they?  It’s not as though they’re an invasive species… and they have the same right to life as the Corsola.  Protecting endangered Pokémon from human action is important, but why should the Aether Foundation interfere in the Alola region’s natural food chains?” “That’s right…” Hau says thoughtfully.  “Can the Aether Foundation really protect all the Pokémon that’re out there?  Even from each other?”  Wicke nods approvingly at our questions. “Nature does have its own balance, of course.  It can be difficult to judge just how much we humans should try to affect that.  But that’s part of the reason the Aether Foundation employs so many scientists and research assistants – so we can make sure our actions sustain the balance, rather than tipping it too far in another direction.  If you’d like to know more about what we do, I could introduce you to President Lusamine,” she offers.  “She should be here in the conservation area now…”  I glance at Hau, who has switched to a total wide-eyed grin as he looks around the habitats. “If she’s not busy, then sure, we’d love to,” I answer. 

We find Lusamine in the north part of the sanctuary.  She is a slim, beautiful woman, with shoulder-length platinum-blonde hair and a poufy yellow-and-cream dress.  Her eyes… her eyes are the same piercing green as Lillie’s.  Hmm.  She wears a large, sea-green jewel at her breast like an amulet.  It looks a little like a Z-crystal, but I can’t quite tell. When Hau and I first see her, she is surrounded by wild Pokémon, talking to them gently and softly.  When Wicke approaches her, she beckons an attendant to lead the Pokémon away, speaks to Wicke for a few moments, then turns to us. “You must be Chris and Hau,” she says in her soft, dreamy voice.  “Welcome to Aether Paradise.  I am the president of the Aether Foundation… but please, just call me Lusamine.”  Hau and I introduce ourselves, and we exchange mundane small talk about the Island Challenge before Lusamine reaches the meat of the conversation.  “I’m glad there are people like you, who travel the islands to learn more about Pokémon… But there are also unfortunate people who harm Pokémon for their own selfish reasons.  And that is why I am here.  I will be like a mother to all of those poor Pokémon and shower them with love.  Even Pokémon from distant worlds, far from the Alola region, are worthy of my love.” “That’s… a noble sentiment, ma’am,” I say carefully.  “But not even an organisation as advanced and powerful as yours can protect every Pokémon in Alola from harm… much less distant worlds.  Isn’t the Aether Foundation’s mission in this region a bit more nuanced than that?”  She gives me a motherly smile. “Didn’t I tell you to call me Lusamine?  There’s no need to be so formal.  And… we may not have that power yet. But the Aether Foundation is an organisation built on love, and love cannot fail to grow from love… Do not let your preoccupations with what is blind you to the possibilities of what might be.” “Wow, Miss Lusamine!” Hau exclaims.  “I don’t know how you do all this!  You’re, like, not even that much older than us!” Lusamine giggles. “Oh, you sweet boy!  I’m already over 40!” “You are?” Hau asks, a little sceptically.  Lusamine says nothing, just smiling at him, until he realises she’s perfectly serious.  “Wait, WHAT!?”  She giggles again. “Oh, you! The right style does wonders, you know. And Hau… your style is a bit wanting, hmm?” “Well, she’s not wrong…” I murmur quietly, earning me a hurt look from Hau and another giggle from Lusamine. “I’ll have to take you out sometime and help you pick a smashing outfit.” “L-like what you wear?” Hau stammers.  I do believe he’s a tad smitten.  “I don’t think anyone else could pull off that kind of look!  Except maybe Lillie…” Hau is too preoccupied to notice, but when he mentions Lillie’s name, Lusamine’s eyes widen a little and she breathes in sharply.  It takes her only a second to regain her composure completely, but there’s definitely something going on there.  She knows who Lillie is. “Oh, don’t you worry,” she reassures Hau.  “You just leave everything up to me.  Trust me – children would all be much happier if they’d only listen to the adults around them.”  There’s a hint of exasperation in her voice – as though the last person who heard her say that ran off to become an international terrorist, and is now out past her bedtime.  Before I can think of a subtle line of questioning to finagle more information out of her, though, the entire facility shudders violently on its nonexistent foundations.  Speak of the-! Lillie and Nebby must be trying to blow up the lower levels of the facility!  I should have known she would try something like this, after she acted so ‘frightened’ of the Aether Foundation!  There can be no other possible explanation for- 

…well… or, I mean, I guess it could also have something to do with the glowing white vortex, crackling with unknown eldritch energies, that just appeared in the middle of the conservation level.

But it’s probably Lillie’s fault.

“Hold onto your butts…” I mutter to no one in particular.  The Ultra Wormhole – for that is what I assume this is – swirls, sparks, and ejects a large blue-white jellyfish that floats gently towards us and comes to a stop, hovering a few feet above the walkway.  Lusamine, transfixed, reaches out with her hand and takes a step forward. “Did you come… from another world?” she asks it. “Miss Lusamine, stand back!” Hau warns her, trembling as he speaks.  “That thing’s… not right!”  Lusamine shakes her head sadly, apparently not hearing him. “You poor creature…” she says, taking another step.  I clear my throat. “For once I agree with Hau.  So, uh… we fighting this thing?”  Hau takes a step back. “Aue! Don’t look at me!  I need to, uh… keep our flank secure in case more of them show up!” “…sure.” Okay, I guess I’m fighting this thing.  Because of course I am.  When everything’s fine and dandy, Alola thinks I’m a meek little novice trainer who needs his hand held every step of the way to come out of his shell and embrace his talent, but the moment there’s a goddamn demon jellyfish from outside the universe to fight, suddenly I’m the only one in a ten kilometre radius with Pokémon and a backbone.  Fine!

So, problems: there is a demon jellyfish.  I have no idea what powers it has or what type it is, or whether “type” is even a meaningful category here.  Is… is it even technically a Pokémon?  Let’s assume yes, for the moment?  It has a powerful totem-like aura that is protecting it from physical damage.  Also its creepy extradimensional voice is whispering around my ears and will probably drive me insane if this takes too long.  Solutions: TRUMBEAK, USE ROCK SMASH!  RATICATE, HYPER FANG!  NO, I THINK IT’S A STEEL-TYPE, USE CRUNCH!  KEEP HITTING IT!  DO SOMETHING! I keep screaming, mostly to drown out the sound of whatever Lovecraftian nonsense this thing is drip-feeding my psyche. Luckily, the demon jellyfish doesn’t seem to have much in the way of damaging attacks beyond Headbutt and Psywave. When it starts flickering in and out of existence, I conclude that we’re onto a winning strategy and hit it once more. With a final string of eldritch clicks and beeps, it twists the space around it into a folded pocket and vanishes. As everyone else breathes a sigh of relief, Lusamine starts talking to herself quietly, contemplatively. “So, it’s true… I still need that Pokémon.  I need to get it back.”  I have a dreadful feeling I know what Pokémon she’s talking about. “What? Miss Lusamine, did you say something?” Hau asks.  For just a moment, a strange, almost predatory grin flickers across Lusamine’s face. “That creature we just saw was undoubtedly an Ultra Beast… an unknown being from another dimension that suddenly appears from the Ultra Wormhole… It looked like it was suffering… like it pained it to be in this strange place…”  She clenches her fist.  “I can’t bear to see that happen!  I will save it!  And I will love it!”

…what a nice woman.  It’s a good thing she’s not doing anything suspicious.

This apparently concludes our tour of the Aether Paradise.  I suppose I can’t exactly blame them for cutting things short; they probably need to get to work on new security measures against extradimensional threats.  As we leave, Wicke gives the two of us some gifts: a box of malasadas for Hau, and a copy of the TM for Psychic for me. “…huh,” I say to Hau, as Wicke leaves and we climb onto the boat to Malie City. “Does it seem to you like there’s sort of… a disparity in the quality of our gifts, at all?”  Hau laughs. “Well, yeah!  But don’t worry; I’ll totally share some of these malasadas with you!  What are friends for, right?”  I open my mouth to give a snarky reply, but then just sigh. “…you know what, Hau?  You do you, buddy.  You’re gonna be just fine.” “Duh!” he exclaims, as we take our seats on the ferry and he begins tucking into his food. “I got these awesome malasadas!” “…yeah.  That is exactly what I meant.”

Ula’ula Island is equivalent to the “Big Island” of Hawai’i in the real world, the island from which the whole archipelago takes its name, and its main port, Malie City, matches up with the real town of Hilo.  Malie is one of the largest cities in Alola, comparable to Hau’oli City.  Like Konikoni City, it has a very strong Japanese aesthetic in its architecture and general culture (courtesy of settlers from Johto), but has a sort of stately grandeur to it, that both Konikoni and Hau’oli lack.  Hau insists on a battle the moment his feet touch solid ground, and as it turns out, he’s really making progress.  Not only does he have a third Pokémon – a Flareon, to complement his Brionne’s Water abilities – but his Pikachu has evolved into a… a…

…huh.

Well, I mean, it’s clearly a Raichu, but it’s… well, it’s surfing in mid-air on its own tail, and its eyes are glowing blue, and… it has psychic powers!?  It’s a Psychic Raichu?  A Psychu, if you will!?  Props to Hau, this thing is adorable and awesome!  And a neat tie-in to the old “surfing Pikachu” idea.  And the discoveries don’t end here: once I defeat Hau, my Trumbeak – already high off our defeat of the demon jellyfish – reaches her mighty final form, Toucannon.  I had more or less inferred the existence of a toucan Pokémon from some of the merchandise in Alolan souvenir shops, and guessed that it might evolve from Trumbeak, but I hadn’t predicted how awesome it would be.  Not only do I love things with “cannon” in the name, Toucannon has a cool signature move to back it up: Beak Blast.  At first I think this is a two-turn move like Solarbeam, and not a great one at that, but I soon figure out that it works more like Focus Punch; it has two stages, but both occur in the same turn, one before the opponent’s attack, and one after. But unlike Focus Punch, instead of cancelling the move if the user takes any damage, Beak Blast inflicts a painful burn on any opponent insolent enough to hit Toucannon with a contact attack while it’s charging!

According to Professor Kukui, who meets us in Malie City, the next trial site is up at the summit of Mount Hokulani, one of the two big mountains in the centre of Ula’ula island.  At the moment, though, I feel less inclined than ever to march to his tune, so I just hang out for a while in the Malie Gardens, training a bunch of my B-team Pokémon and discovering new evolutions.  My Rockruff and Morelull evolve into Lycanroc and Shiinotic, which I’ve already met, but more importantly, there are a few completely new ones.  My Cutiefly evolves into a fairy-like Ribombee, and, like Toucannon, gains a neat signature move: Pollen Puff, a nifty little dual-use Bug-type special attack that can either do heavy damage to an enemy or restore health to an ally. My Dewpider evolves into an even more menacing and alien-looking Araquanid, but despite its fearsome appearance, the Rotomdex assures me that Araquanid is a gentle, caring and protective Pokémon.  These assurances do not, unfortunately, hold true when my Stufful evolves. Stufful’s evolved form is Bewear.  Bewear is… a creepily quiet, expressionless and unmoving stuffed bear Pokémon.  It weirds me out a little at first, and then I learn from the Rotomdex that Bewear has a reputation for accidentally killing its trainers by hugging them too hard. I promptly send Bewear off to the Poké Pelago so Mohn can deal with it.  This day has been way too long already without having to think about this $#!t. 

Ridiculous quote log:

“Master Chuuster!  This is your first vacation in three years!  Please forget that you are a famous star, and just enjoy being a regular Pikachu for once!” …the Pikachu… has a butler… and is a celebrity… and has come to Alola for a vacation.  This… makes perfect sense. 

The team:

Tane the Dartrix Male, Timid nature, Overgrow ability Level 30 Tackle, Razor Leaf, Synthesis, Pluck 

Rhea the Toucannon Female, Lax nature, Keen Eye ability Level 30 Screech, Roost, Beak Blast, Rock Smash 

Ashley the Pikachu Female, Timid nature, Static ability Level 30 Volt Tackle, Hidden Power (Ice), Nasty Plot, Nuzzle

Hypatia the Slowpoke Female, Hardy nature, Own Tempo ability Level 30 Psychic, Yawn, Headbutt, Scald

Soot the Raticate Female, Hardy nature, Hustle ability Level 30 Crunch, Tail Whip, Hyper Fang, Focus Energy

Joanna the Salandit Female, Timid nature, Corrosion ability Level 30 Flame Burst, Sweet Scent, Dragon Rage, Toxic

[bad-draft-stuff]

Fate Goes (to the drs on a full moon)

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Sheepy: Eiji:.... *he's just watching Lance get up. Something appears to be bothering him...* Arsé-kun: Lance: ..... aa? Sheepy: Eiji: Oh, uh... Sheepy: Eiji: I'm stuck. Arsé-kun: Lance: ooough... *he leans down and plucks Eiji off the ground, like a carrot. yoink.* Sheepy: Eiji:...! Oh, th-thank you... Arsé-kun: *And now, having someone that does Not need to be sitting in the snow in his hands, Lance opts to go back inside. Not because he wants to (or would later claim)* Sheepy: Eiji: Th-thank you...I was get...getting cold... Arsé-kun: *Lance just nods, deposits him on a couch, and steals several blankets and blanket-adjacents to give Eiji. He then fucks off to do what is known as "A Bedivere move", a la using all of the hot water for an hour straight in the shower. bastard* Sheepy: *Eiji meanwhile succumbs to the comfiness that is blankets and takes a nap* Arsé-kun: *A tiny flower in a pot is placed on a nearby table, rescued from the cold outside. Mr. Pointy and Mini Cu-chan are placed next to Eiji. Three more capes are added to the pile. warm* Sheepy: Eiji: *he's warm and comfy. happy* Sheepy: *Bedi is looking at the flower* Arsé-kun: *it is Very Small, and for once, not one of Merlin's.* Sheepy: Bedi: ...Did he grow this, I wonder... Arsé-kun: Merlin: I can say with pride that he did! *he's keeping his voice down, but he's still happy about it* Sheepy: Bedi: *he's visibly pleased* That's wonderful...! Arsé-kun: Merlin: It may be small, but it took a lot to do. But he did it at all- That's what matters. Sheepy: Bedi: It's a step towards progress. Sheepy: Bedi: It's unfortunate that there's little we can do to help...if I was there...I could've done something maybe. Arsé-kun: Merlin: If anyone had been, it would have gone differently. Even knowing it was going to happen, there was no changing it. Sheepy: Bedi: If only there was something we could do now... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Then why wait? Making no action gets nothing done. Sheepy: Bedi: What can we do? Sheepy: Bedi: We can be supportive and continue to hope that Chaldea can help us.. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Why not get some exercise? Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, that's a good idea. Sheepy: Bedi: Being inside all the time is depressing... I'd actually enjoy having a spar but I asked Sir Tristan and...Hm? Ah, you meant Master Eiji... Yes, that's a good idea. It's very stuffy inside. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Oh, I did mean Master, but for us would be fantastic as well. What I'm suggesting is we take a small Chaldea mission to get back into the swing of things! Sheepy: Bedi: ....! Oh! Let's do that. Sheepy: Bedi: Do we call the doctor? Arsé-kun: Merlin: May be wise, but he could also be busy. Sheepy: Bedi: Then should we stop by? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yes. Sheepy: Bedi: Let's go then. Arsé-kun: *Merlin looks towards Eiji, in 10000 blankets* Sheepy: Bedi: We could do something in the meantime. Sheepy: Tristan: *sad harp strum* For example, we can discuss my inability to get a date. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Not here..! Sheepy: Tristan: What? Arsé-kun: *Merlin gestures to Eiji* Sheepy: Tristan:..... Sheepy: Tristan: I see. The reason against it is because.... Sheepy: Tristan: Someone in this household has a crush on me. *big smile* Arsé-kun: Merlin: What?? No, our Master is sleeping! Sheepy: Tristan: ....*sob* Arsé-kun: Merlin: If someone does, sure, but I just meant to move this elsewhere..! Sheepy: Tristan: Oh. Sure. Sheepy: *Tristan leaves...* Arsé-kun: Merlin: .... I regret speaking. Sheepy: Bedi: I understand how you feel. Arsé-kun: Merlin: ... So let us move this elsewhere, yes? Sheepy: Bedi: Yes, let's not disturb him. Arsé-kun: *they move it elsewhere* Sheepy: Bedi: Where were we... Arsé-kun: Merlin: So we visit the doctor, and then take a minor quest, yes? Sheepy: Bedi: Right. Sheepy: Bedi: Afterwards he could get a checkup... Have you had your medical exams? Make sure to take care of your health. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Actually, no... Maybe we should all go before a mission. Sheepy: Bedi: Good idea. I am recently summoned so I should get a check up... Arsé-kun: Merlin: And the two dogs may as well get one, too. Sheepy: Bedi: Right. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Great, so our plans are set! Sheepy: Bedi: Now we just need to contact the two Cu Chulainns and prepare. Arsé-kun: Merlin: How hard can that be? Sheepy: Bedi: Probably fairly easy.. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Only one of them works, so at least one is easy to track down. Sheepy: Bedi: That's true. Arsé-kun: *they go to talk to CasCu and Acu* Sheepy: Cascu: Medical checkup? What for? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Oh, you know, just in case and while we're there! Master needs it, so we may as well get it over with for the season! Sheepy: Cascu:....*thinking*..... Sheepy: Cascu: Eh, whatever. Let's do it. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Fantastic. So where would Alter be? Sheepy: Cascu: Oi, Alter, get out here! Arsé-kun: Acu: *he doesn't give a public appearance, but he speaks up* You're not dragging me into your nonsense. Count me out. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh...how unfortunate... Sheepy: Bedi:....It truly is disappointing that you believe that... Arsé-kun: Merlin: ... Oh, you're in trouble, big boy. Sheepy: Cascu:....Oi, Alter, you might just wanna agree to it and sneak out later. Sheepy: Bedi: We'll leave you alone once you're done with your checkup. Sheepy: Bedi: We'll be bringing Mini Cu with us since he was injured recently so I hear. You can hear his results right from the doctor. Arsé-kun: *Alter Cu has no reply to this.* Arsé-kun: Merlin: And after that, we'll be doing combat if we're lucky! Don't you want to come fight? Sheepy: Bedi: We can "stretch our limbs" like that one torture devixe but figuratively. Arsé-kun: Merlin: ??!? *he casts Bedi a very questioning look. where the fuck did he get THAT line from?* Arsé-kun: Acu: .... .... I will consider it. Sheepy: Bedi: Hm? Grif said it...so I asked Angra about it. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That explains a lot. Sheepy: Cascu: You mean...stretch our legs. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Do you not use your arms at all? Sheepy: Cascu: Hm? The phrase is "stretch your legs"... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Can't believe this man skips arm day Sheepy: Cascu: I use 'em for writing out spells. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Can't believe th*its the same joke again* Sheepy: Cascu: Oi! It's not MY fault I wasn't summoned with a spear! Arsé-kun: Merlin: Maybe not, but you can still pick one up and go at it! Sheepy: Cascu: As if. This is wear my talent is at. Arsé-kun: *Acu quietly laughs at this. He does not seem to agree* Arsé-kun: Acu: Your talents are getting drunk and being a freeloader. Sheepy: Cascu: Oi! Shaddup! So I enjoy life, is that a crime?! Arsé-kun: Acu: It is a crime, and you're a disaster. Sheepy: Cascu: What...? Arsé-kun: Acu: I thought I was a disaster, but then I met you. Sheepy: Cascu: Oi, that ain't right! I've got a job, I fit in with the modern world... Sheepy: Cascu: So I've got a few unhealthy hobbies, so I'm not as popular as Lancer me. But you gotta admit... Sheepy: Cascu: I really put off that "big brother" feel! Arsé-kun: Acu: You're a drunk freeloading hippie that makes me look bad. Sheepy: Cascu: I've got a job so how can I be freeloading? Sheepy: Bedi: The ones who call themselves "big brother" types don't quite realize how accurate that descriptor is...and not in a positive way... Arsé-kun: Merlin: :V Sheepy: Cascu: What's that supposed to mean? Sheepy: Bedi: Eh... Sheepy: Cascu: Hey, that doesn't answer my question at all... Arsé-kun: Merlin: I'm fairly certain we're being insulted! Sheepy: Cascu: Oi, you can't just insult me to my face and slip it by smoothly like that! Sheepy: Bedi: *sweet smile* I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Bedi, babe, I'd love to side with you, but that hits me too! Sheepy: Bedi: But you're not really a big brother type... Sheepy: Bedi: You're more of a weird-uncle-obsessed-with-aliens type, according to Satoru... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Well, then! When have I ever said that...? Sheepy: Bedi: Although I don't quite understand what that means, I suppose I can see it somewhat... Sheepy: Bedi: I'm guessing that it's a longer version of "quirky, yet dependable". Sheepy: Bedi: I could be wrong. Sheepy: Bedi: Why would you want to be an older brother? To bully your sibling? Arsé-kun: Merlin: To be a dependable older figure you can look up to, and also be bullied by. Sheepy: Bedi: Ah...so not Lucan. Sheepy: Bedi: Lucan uses it as an excuse to tell me lies. ... Did you know that horses can't read your mind? I always tried to give Biscuit positive messages in case he was reading my mind... Arsé-kun: Merlin: I'd count that under bullying. Sheepy: Bedi: Yes... Sheepy: Cascu: Did you know that dogs can smell colors, making up for them being colorblind? Sheepy: Bedi: ...!? Wh-what...? Really? The thought hadn't occurred to me...but I suppose that does make sense... Arsé-kun: Acu: Oh my god, shut the hell up. Sheepy: Cascu: Your problem isn't a bully for a big brother at all - you're seriously too gullible! Arsé-kun: Merlin: On the other hand, his favorite creature is a Beast, his boyfriend is a space slut magician, and we unfortunately know Sir Griflet the "What the FUCK have you gotten into now?". Arsé-kun: Merlin: But both suffices! Sheepy: Cascu: Beast? Arsé-kun: Merlin: I've already said too much~ Sheepy: Bedi: Griflet is my cousin, it's hard not to know him.. Sheepy: Bedi: When we were children he'd chase Lucan around...there was a strange sense of primal fear like we were being chased by some sort of monster. I suppose now we know why, but back then it was probably the wild look in his eyes and him being unnaturally fast despite being younger than us. Sheepy: Bedi: I think the scariest part was him always just barely letting Lucan get away. It seemed incredibly calculated like a predator toying with his prey and not quite wanting the fun to end. He was fine towards me, but... Arsé-kun: Merlin: But you don't know fear until a dragon chases you through unknown territory! Okay, we've gone off topic! Sheepy: Bedi: I suppose that's what being chased by him is like, but he thankful doesn't have any physical dragon traits...Oh, right, we are. Sheepy: Bedi: Where were we? Arsé-kun: Merlin: So yes, thank you for your cooperation in coming with us. Caster, are you working tomorrow? Sheepy: Cascu: Nope. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Fantastic. Lets get it over with tomorrow, so we do not need to repeat it until next year. Sheepy: Cascu: Sure, sounds good. Sheepy: Bedi: Get rest before hand so you can be tip top shape for tomorrow. Arsé-kun: Acu: I'll consider it. Sheepy: Bedi: It'd make me really happy if you did so. Arsé-kun: Acu: I already said I would consider it. Sheepy: Bedi: I hope you go through with your considerations, then. Sheepy: Cascu: You want to get wrecked? Sheepy: Cascu: Because he's probably considering beating you up. Arsé-kun: *Acu's hand slowly reaches out from under the bed and grabs Cascu's ankle* Sheepy: Cascu:?! *he yelps and jumps* Arsé-kun: Acu: I'll smack him with your corpse. You should feel honored. Sheepy: Cascu: Oi! I'm no Lancer! I've got no guts skill! Use the wizard, not me! Arsé-kun: Merlin: I've got no guts either, don't drag me into this! Sheepy: Bedi: I don't think I want to be smacked. Arsé-kun: Acu: Then how about you "consider" going on your merry way, and leaving me alone. Sheepy: Bedi: I apologize for pressuring you. It wasn't my intent... Sheepy: Bedi: I'll leave you alone now. *Bedi looks like a kicked puppy...* Arsé-kun: *acu cannot see this, nor would he act on it. tough shit* Sheepy: *Bedi leaves!* Arsé-kun: *Merlin, of course, goes with him* Sheepy: *So does the incredibly sad harp music and crying.* Arsé-kun: *this, too, is normal* Arsé-kun: Acu: .... *he drags himself out from under the bed* Fuck that. Sheepy: Cascu: What? You're not gonna go? Arsé-kun: Acu: Do you think I want more "tests"? Sheepy: Cascu: Nope. Sheepy: Cascu: But Master can force you to go anyway, right? Although... I can't see him forcing anyone to do anything.. Sheepy: Cascu:...I don't really wanna go either....We should unionize! Arsé-kun: Acu: What is this, America circa 1774? You're too slow anyway. Sheepy: Cascu: Oi! I ain't slow! Arsé-kun: Acu: Oi, you're slower than Medb's carriage on the side of the road. Sheepy: Cascu: Oh, knock it off! This outfit isn't made for running! Arsé-kun: Acu: Sucks to be you. Sheepy: Cascu: But at least I have a nice face. Arsé-kun: Acu: You look like a serial pervert mixed with a hippie. Sheepy: Cascu: What?! Sheepy: Cascu: I don't look much different than Lancer! Sheepy: Cascu: Or you for that matter..! Sheepy: Cascu: Seriously, think before you insult all of us. Arsé-kun: Acu: Fine. You look like a hippie. Sheepy: Cascu: I'm not that either...I just thought the no ponytail look was nice... Sheepy: Cascu: You're really hurtful, you know! Arsé-kun: Acu: I exist to put pain onto others. You know this. Sheepy: Cascu: Into others! So why me?! Arsé-kun: Acu: Because you look like you have a mullet. At least push it to the side. Sheepy: Cascu: It's grown out enough not to be one! Arsé-kun: Acu: I can't allow a fellow Cu to have a mullet and still live. *he "threateningly" prods Cascu* Sheepy: Cascu: I'll grow it out more...! Then it won't be a mullet! Arsé-kun: Acu: Just do something with it, please, it's an embarrassment. Sheepy: Cascu: *he crosses his arms, considering this* ...... Arsé-kun: Acu: .... But at least you don't bark at the front door. Sheepy: Cascu: What, like Setanta? Arsé-kun: Acu: Exactly like Satanta. Arsé-kun: Acu: We weren't even that bad at that age, were we? Sheepy: Cascu: I think something went wrong with his summoning. Sheepy: Cascu: Or maybe Lobo is a bad influence! Arsé-kun: Acu: Both sounds decent. Sheepy: Cascu: Maybe we should mention it... Sheepy: Lobo: *boof* Arsé-kun: Acu: ! *he whips around, making sure his tail doesn't slam into cascu* No one invited you, wolf king. Sheepy: Cascu: How'd you get in here...?! Sheepy: Lobo: *whine* Sheepy: *Lobo removes himself from their wall before entering through their open door Sheepy: Cascu: Lobo, are you a bad influence on Setanta? Sheepy: Lobo:...... Arsé-kun: Acu: ....... Sheepy: Lobo: *he begins sniffing around the room* Sheepy: Cascu: You are, aren't you? Arsé-kun: Acu: If he chews you up, it is entirely your problem. Sheepy: Cascu: What?! Sheepy: Cascu: You wouldn't help me? Arsé-kun: Acu: I'd think about it, but you've left me in his jaws before. Sheepy: Cascu: Cruel! Arsé-kun: Acu: Yes. Sheepy: Cascu: I trusted you...! Arsé-kun: Acu: A mistake you won't make again. Sheepy: Cascu: Terrible. Awful! Sheepy: Lobo: *he sniffs at Acu* Arsé-kun: *Acu glares at Lobo* Sheepy: Lobo:...?! Arsé-kun: Acu: .... This is so stupid. Sheepy: Cascu: What? Arsé-kun: Acu: You're asking a dog that cannot speak questions. As if that will answer anything. Sheepy: Cascu: I dunno, he can...nod or shake his head? Sheepy: Lobo: *he lies down next to Acu and lets out a big yawn* Arsé-kun: Acu: He's a dog. *he yawns in turn* Good luck with that. Arsé-kun: *OK MOVING ON* Arsé-kun: *Everyone is ready to visit Chaldea! Eiji is as ready as he's gonna get, Merlin and Bedivere are ready as well. Caster Cu and Mini Cu-chan are prepared! Alter Cu is still in bed in a different room because Fuck That* Sheepy: Bedi: Now we just need Alter Cu Chulainn. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Well, who volunteers to go fetch him? Sheepy: Bedi: I'll be right back. *he leaves to get Acu* Arsé-kun: Merlin: Ah. That works too. Sheepy: *Bedi returns with Acu's tail wrapped around him, dragging Acu with him... He cares not for the difficulties he's facing. He's faced worse* Arsé-kun: *Acu is just face down on the floor, letting this happen. He stayed up all night and is apparently expected to be functional.* Sheepy: Bedi: We're ready now. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I suppose so! Sheepy: Eiji: Um...wh-what about... *he looks to Acu* Arsé-kun: Merlin: I mean, he's physically present. I think that's the best we're getting. Sheepy: Eiji:...Okay, th-that's fine... Sheepy: Eiji: L-let's go. Arsé-kun: *and they do, with much grumbling from Acu. He Can Suffer* Arsé-kun: *chaldea; is in Antartica. the floors; tile. the tile; cold as fuuuuck. Acu; on the floor. acu; cold as fuuuuck. Trying to sleep despite this and being physically dragged over tile in public? Absolutely* Sheepy: *Acu n o* Sheepy: *Bedi doesn't give up either!* Arsé-kun: *Bedi's only problem is dragging another man, and he's a servant with a magical arm. He's fine.* Sheepy: *Bedi is that powerful* Arsé-kun: *Yes. Stronks* Sheepy: Cascu: How close are we? Arsé-kun: Merlin: We're almost there. Sheepy: Cascu:....Sure do hope that those claw marks are people not wanting to leave instead of not wanting to go! Arsé-kun: Merlin: Oh, you know, Nightengale is sometimes here, so it's completely understandable. Sheepy: Cascu:...Nightingale, eh...sounds scary.. Arsé-kun: *Bedi is abruptly stopped by Acu digging his own claws into the floor. Both sets.* Sheepy: Bedi: Alter Cu, once we get done with it it's done. Sheepy: Bedi: Like nasty medicine. Arsé-kun: Acu: That is not my immediate concern. Sheepy: Bedi: What is it? Arsé-kun: Acu: I have dealt with Her enough in my lifetime. I am not afraid of her, but I certainly refuse to deal with that hellion. Sheepy: Bedi: That's unfortunate. Sheepy: Bedi: It seems like we'll just stand here until she takes things into her own hands. Arsé-kun: Acu: Then it seems we have reached an impasse. Sheepy: Bedi: How unfortunate. Arsé-kun: Merlin: ... Master, how are you holding up? Sheepy: Eiji: I-I'm, uh...tired, but oth...-otherwise fine. Sheepy: Eiji: ...Wh-why do you dislike Night...Night...- Why do you d-dislike her? Sheepy: Eiji: She's...uh, she's really gen-gentle...and nice... Arsé-kun: Acu: ... Deja vu and her tendency to threaten amputation. Sheepy: Eiji:...Am....am...ampu- Um...? Arsé-kun: Nightengale: *from down the hall* Please remove your hands from the floor- It is not sanitary and they will be removed to maintain a quarantined environment. Sheepy: Bedi: Ah, it's too late for you, it seems... Sheepy: Eiji: Huh....? Arsé-kun: Acu: I'd rather deal with the pink queen than this right now. Sheepy: Bedi: How unfortunate... Arsé-kun: Nighten: As for the rest of you, please enter the waiting room. If you are late, your turn may be skipped. Sheepy: Eiji: Th...thank you. Sheepy: Cascu: Does she even have a medical degree? Arsé-kun: Nighten: Of course. How else would I have become a nurse? Sheepy: Cascu: Threats? Sheepy: Cascu: Desperation? Arsé-kun: Nighten: I have been informed that in life, I was not as direct as I am now. While I cannot connect with that, I will accept it as truth. Sheepy: Cascu: But right now you're one scary lady. If you weren't in the position to amputate my limbs I'd find that hot but see, you have the right to amputate my limbs. Sheepy: Cascu:...I'd love to buy you coffee or something though. Arsé-kun: Nighten: Rejected and please leave. Sheepy: Cascu: Wh-what... Sheepy: Bedi: Don't worry, Caster Cu. I'm sure there's someone out there with no standards you'll fall for! Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: Ooooooohhh, Aniki's a loooooserrrr! Sheepy: Cascu: Why do you look like you think that will actually make me feel better?! Sheepy: Cascu: And you- I'm no loser! Arsé-kun: Merlin: :3c Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: *he turns around in Eiji's arms and slaps his ass before sticking his tongue out at CasCu. He is in the Safe Zone and cannot be touched.* Sheepy: Cascu: You lil punk! Face me one on one! Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: Nyyyeeehhhhh!!! *pbbbbbtttt!!!* Sheepy: Cascu: Oi, Master, hand me that toy! Sheepy: Eiji:...Um... Sheepy: Eiji: But... Arsé-kun: Nighten: If you are going to fight, I will have to ask you to leave the premises. Sheepy: Cascu: How about I give you a real patient, huh?! Arsé-kun: Nighten: ...? Sheepy: *Cascu grabs Mini Cu out of Eiji's hands and punts Mini Cu!* Sheepy: Eiji: D-don't do that! Arsé-kun: Nighten: I see. You are volunteering yourself to go first. Sheepy: Cascu: What? No. Arsé-kun: Nighten: Come along. *she grabs CasCu by the hood* We shall start with you. Sheepy: Cascu: Nonono! Sheepy: Cascu: Why don't you give me whatever treatment it is that makes Master completely unaware of your terrors, huh?! Arsé-kun: Nighten: So you will volunteer for chronic pain treatment testing? How kind of you. Sheepy: Cascu: Huh? Arsé-kun: *and Nightengale drags CasCu off to the waiting room. Rest in many pieces, Caster Cu, you might be missed.* Arsé-kun: Merlin: And that's that! Sheepy: Bedi: How unfortunate...poor Caster Cu... Sheepy: Eiji: Why do you fear Nightingale? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Because she threatens to remove limbs and will absolutely act on it. Sheepy: Eiji: ...She's never d-done that to...to me... Sheepy: Eiji:...al...although...sh-she did say one thing th...that con-concerned- concerned me... Sheepy: Eiji: B-but otherwise she's nice. Sheepy: Bedi: I think the best term is a "necessary evil". Sheepy: Eiji:...it's no different th-than a wis...wisdom tooth ex- ex- ...removal. Sheepy: Eiji: Th-they tell you s...scary things...but it's fair...fairly minor... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Master, with all respect, changing your spine and both sets of circuits is significantly more dangerous as well as stupid. Sheepy: Bedi: What are "wisdom teeth"? Sheepy: Eiji: Y...yes, that's what concerned me... Sheepy: Bedi: Are they teeth in your brain? Arsé-kun: Merlin: ... No, Bedi. Sheepy: Bedi:....Are they teeth replacements that make you smarter? Like smart dentures. Arsé-kun: Merlin: The teeth in the way back of your mouth. Some people get them removed because their mouth can't actually fit them in. Human anatomy is strange and confusing, and very inconvenient. Sheepy: Bedi: Really? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yes, really. Sheepy: Bedi: I didn't have any problem with that. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Many do not! It's a very inconsistent trait. Sheepy: Bedi: How do you remove them? How are they smarter than other teeth? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Painfully, I hear, and no. Sheepy: Eiji: It's...uh...not fun... Sheepy: Eiji:....th-they kind of just- uh- it's not fun. Sheepy: Eiji: ....I'd never w-want to go...go through it again. Sheepy: Bedi: Why can't you just tell them not to come in? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Why can't you just tell your arm to grow back? Same deal. Sheepy: Bedi: But my arm is just an arm, not a wisdom arm. Arsé-kun: Merlin: It's just a name, babe, it's not literal. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh...I see... *he looks at the floor, visibly embarrassed* Sheepy: Eiji: Ah...if it helps any, there's some body parts y-you can rem...remove...but have them grow b-back... Arsé-kun: Merlin: And that sure isn't one of them! Sheepy: Eiji: L-like...tonsils...I-I know... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Wait, I'm getting a vision of what you should do! *he's being dramatic, he isn't actually.* You should ask Kay about it. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, alright. Sheepy: Bedi: I see...! Kay is a dentist! Sheepy: Bedi: He knows things about teeth! Sheepy: Bedi: My friend is incredibly smart...! Arsé-kun: Kay: No, fuck no, absolutely not! *he's holding Grif back from escaping the waiting room* That was a hell experience and by YOUR missing hand I would rather not! Sheepy: Bedi: Kay, what are wisdom teeth? Arsé-kun: Kay: Hell teeth that bash the others out of the way and hurt more than this berserker punching your jaw. Sheepy: Grif: No, no, no! I don't want to go! *he hisses at Kay and tries to get out of his grip* I've been good! No!!! Arsé-kun: Kay: If we get it done today, we won't have to come back for another year! Sheepy: Grif: No! I missed an apple one day and now I have to see her?! Sheepy: Eiji:? Sheepy: Bedi: I see, they're like Sir Tristan... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Sassy today, aren't we?? Sheepy: Bedi: There's no other way to mentally prepare myself for Nightingale trying to amputate my other arm Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's fair, I accept this. Sheepy: Bedi: But tomorrow I'll be back to normal...but would Santa hate me for this? Arsé-kun: Merlin: I doubt it. Sheepy: Grif: *he looks at Kay's arm* Sheepy: Bedi: I hope not. Arsé-kun: Kay: If you even think about amputating my arm I will shove it so far up your ass that my unattached fingers will clog your throat. Sheepy: Grif: *he slowly opens his mouth* Sheepy: Bedi: That sounds difficult. Arsé-kun: Kay: Don't even think about it. Sheepy: *Grif attempts to bite Kay's arm!* Arsé-kun: *Grif succeeds. Kay curses and lets go of Grif* Sheepy: *Grif makes a mad dash towards the exit!* Sheepy rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 20 Arsé-kun: *Griflet escapes! For now.* Sheepy: Bedi: Um... Sheepy: Bedi:...I suppose that- um... Sheepy: Bedi:...we now know teeth worse than wisdom teeth? Arsé-kun: Kay: I'm going to punch you in the throat Sheepy: Bedi: I apologize...it seemed too relevant... Arsé-kun: Kay: ... It's fine, that was actually kinda funny. *he's miffed, and sits down in a shitty plastic seat.* Sheepy: Bedi: I could try to bring him back. Arsé-kun: Kay: Don't bother. He'll be back eventually. Sheepy: *Bedi joins Kay* Arsé-kun: *And Acu continues to be on the floor. He is DETERMINED to stay down there.* Sheepy: *Bayard is chewing on Acu's cape* Arsé-kun: *Acu ignores this* Sheepy: Bedi: How long have you been waiting for? Arsé-kun: Kay: Eh, like 15 minutes? Sheepy: Bedi: Alone, that isn't too bad... Sheepy: Bedi: But with Grif... Arsé-kun: Kay: It was a long 15 minutes. Sheepy: Bedi: I feel bad for you. Arsé-kun: Kay: I feel bad for me, too. Arsé-kun: *Our favorite roasted marshmallow man Dr. Romani steps into the waiting room to check who is next to be seen. Mini Cu is under his arm eating fruit gummies. I do not know how Mini Cu beat them there. By all accounts, it doesn't make any sense.* Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, doctor, it's good to see you again! Arsé-kun: Romani: Oh, hello, Sir Bedivere! *he puts Mini Cu down on the counter. Mini Cu grabs like three lollipops* I hope everyone hasn't been waiting too long? Sheepy: Bedi: We haven't. Arsé-kun: Kay: Me neither, but Grif escaped again. Sheepy: Bedi:...Although Kay now has teeth marks in his arm... Arsé-kun: Kay: And by his missing hand I'm going to throttle Griflet. Sheepy: Grif: Try me, I'll tear you to shreds! *he's...hiding behind the exit...* Arsé-kun: Romani: You can come inside, Berserker- You won't be seeing Nightengale today. Sheepy: Grif: That's not my name! *he huffs but does come inside* Arsé-kun: Romani: You and Kay will be seeing Chiron, is that okay with you? Sheepy: Grif: Fine! Arsé-kun: Romani: Great. The remaining Cu can be seen by Asclepius, leaving... *he glances down at Acu before looking towards Eiji* I'll be taking you in next, followed by Bedivere. Sheepy: Eiji: Th-that's fine... Sheepy: Bedi: What about Merlin? Arsé-kun: Romani: Who? *he's kidding, of course, but he's smiling a bit much as he makes notes on the sign-in sheet* He'll be seen too. Sheepy: *Grif rejoins Kay but looms by him ominously as he gets more and more frustrated as he can't figure out how to sit next to him* Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, excellent! Sheepy: Grif: No! Bad! Terrible! Arsé-kun: Kay: No, you lost your sit-next-to-Kay rights when you put your mouth on my arm. You can stand and wait, you bully. Sheepy: Grif: No! Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he's quietly observing something, most likely elsewhere. Whatever it is, he approves* Sheepy: Grif: I don't care. You deserved it! Arsé-kun: Kay: So you'll deserve not getting any lolli's? Okay, that's fine. Sheepy: Grif: I'll make a better friend to sit with. Sheepy: Bedi: He's not even hiding you two being friends anymore... Sheepy: Grif: Here's a better friend. *he pats Bayard* Sheepy: Bayard: ...... Arsé-kun: *incredible speech, bayard, thank you for ur words of wisdom* Sheepy: Grif: See. He is nicer than you, Kay. You heard him. Arsé-kun: Kay: That's a low bar. Sheepy: Grif: He is a better friend. Sheepy: Bayard: *he sniffs at Grif before chewing on Acu's cape again* Sheepy: Grif: You should act nicer. Sheepy: Grif: If you do you'll be a better friend. Arsé-kun: Kay: You've replaced me with a horse. Sheepy: Grif: It wasn't difficult. Arsé-kun: Kay: I'm almost offended. Sheepy: Grif: Good! Sheepy: Grif: You took away my rights to sit next to you so I'll take away your rights to be my friend. There! Arsé-kun: Kay: What a nightmare. Sheepy: *Grif huffs and crosses his arms, turning away from Kay. he occasionally glances back at Kay. Grif, you're terrible at this* Arsé-kun: *Kay can't see it, because of his eyepatch, but he's confident enough to know that Grif won't do anything stupid* Sheepy: Grif:.....*huff* Sheepy: Bedi: Grif, you can be my friend. Sheepy: Grif: What? You aren't my friend already? Terrible. I hate you. Sheepy: Bedi: Th-thanks. Arsé-kun: *Kay picks up a magazine, rolls it up, and lightly bonks Grif with it* Sheepy: Grif: What? Arsé-kun: Kay: Be nice. Sheepy: Grif: Fine! Sheepy: Grif: You drag me to the doctor's office and then you restrain me. Terrible. Now you're ordering me around. Arsé-kun: Kay: Someone has to. Sheepy: Grif: Why? Arsé-kun: Kay: Because Kiddo's still in the back? Sheepy: Grif: I don't need to be ordered around. Sheepy: Grif: You're just ordering me around because you're bored. Arsé-kun: Kay: Dammit, it's like I'm transparent. Sheepy: Grif: No, you're Kay! Arsé-kun: Kay: Gee, thanks! Sheepy: Grif: Which stands for... Sheepy: Grif: Kevin! Sheepy: Bedi: I-it does?! Arsé-kun: Kay: grif wtf Arsé-kun: Romani: *he re-enters scene, and wisely decides to not interrupt this* Sheepy: Bedi: I didn't realize Kay was a nickname...for such a terrible...I mean...such a name. Arsé-kun: Kay: It's not. Sheepy: Bedi: What? Sheepy: Grif: Kay is not a name. Sheepy: Grif: Kay is a letter! Arsé-kun: Kay: Not this shit again! Arsé-kun: Romani: .... Eiji, I'll be taking you now. Sheepy: Eiji: Th-thank you... *he joins Romani with some difficulty* Arsé-kun: *there is now an open seat* Sheepy: Grif: *he looks to the open seat and huffs* Sheepy: Grif: *he lifts it up* Sheepy: Bedi: No, no, no, Grif, put that down! Sheepy: Grif: *glare* Sheepy: *Grif puts it on Bedi and sits on it!* Sheepy: Bedi: Grif!! Sheepy: Grif: *huff* Arsé-kun: Kay: why are you this way Sheepy: Grif: I need to rest up and instead you drag me here. And then you won't let me leave. But I'm better than to truly run away. Sheepy: Grif: Terrible. Now you've taken away my rights. Sheepy: Grif: But it is fine. I care not. Arsé-kun: *And where's Merlin, you might ask? He peered into the office hallway and was taken by a woman in red. What a tragedy.* Sheepy: Bedi: I have a feeling that something terrible is going to happen to Merlin. Sheepy: Grif: ... Sheepy: Bayard: ... Sheepy: Grif: Fine. I’m sorry. Arsé-kun: Kay: ... Okay, but get off of Bedivere. Sheepy: *Grif gets off of Bedi* Arsé-kun: Kay: Now I forgive you. Sheepy: Grif: Good! Sheepy: Bedi: Why is this horse in the waiting room anyway? Sheepy: Grif: Where else should he wait for his doctor's appointment? Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: Horse for the horse doctor! Sheepy: Bedi:...But Chiron isn't really a horse, is he? Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: Horse for the horse butt man! Sheepy: Bedi: Being a centaur must be difficult... Sheepy: Bedi: You walk around without pants all the time because no pants fit you since you have four legs. Sheepy: Grif: Hah. Pants are a human construct. Sheepy: Grif:....However, pants are a human construct that they require. ... Perhaps they aren't that bad of an invention in the winter. ... Arsé-kun: Kay: griflet you are wearing pants under that armor i saw you not change out of your sweatpants Sheepy: Grif: What, do you think of me as some uncouth beast? Sheepy: Grif: Sir Lancelot wears pants. Why wouldn't I? Arsé-kun: Kay: If Sir Lancelot jumped off a bridge, would you?? Sheepy: Grif: ..... Sheepy: Grif:...Just because they haven't grown in yet doesn't mean I shouldn't practice... Arsé-kun: Kay: Break anything and you'll have to come back here. Sheepy: Grif: ?! Sheepy: Grif: Then they just have to grow in soon...! Maybe I'll ask that pink-haired girl. Sheepy: Bedi: Your adult teeth will help you survive jumping off a bridge? Arsé-kun: Kay: What the fresh hell are you on, chapter one while we're on book two chapter seven? Sheepy: Bedi: What else grows in? Sheepy: Bedi: Hair? Arsé-kun: Kay: This being Griflet? I don't know and it worries me. Sheepy: Grif: What? Sheepy: Grif: No! Sheepy: Grif: It's obvious, isn't it? Arsé-kun: Kay: It is, but I'm dreading it. Sheepy: Grif: I've been self conscious about it since forever...and yet. Sheepy: Grif: Nobody has noticed it? Sheepy: Bedi: What is "it"??? Arsé-kun: Kay: You have very rarely mentioned it and it'll probably be next ascension! Sheepy: Grif: Even that pink haired girl already has them... Sheepy: Grif: ..And her horns, too... They're still stumps...terrible. Awful. Arsé-kun: Kay: Won't those get in the way of doing your hair? Sheepy: Grif:?! Sheepy: Grif:...I suppose. Sheepy: Bedi: Uh, what're still stumps? Sheepy: Grif: I just told you. Arsé-kun: Kay: It's a surprise that'll be seen later. Sheepy: Grif: ...Maybe it's my diet... Maybe I should add something I don't already have... Or perhaps I should ascend... Arsé-kun: Kay: At least let me ascend first! I haven't at all yet! Sheepy: Grif: Fine. Sheepy: Bedi: Have you had no luck getting the items you need? You could ask Santa... Sheepy: Grif: No! I can't ask Santa! Arsé-kun: Kay: Sucks to be you, because I sure can! Sheepy: Grif: I'm reindeelf. I can't just ask for things. Sheepy: Bedi: But you should be paid, right? Paid for your services... Sheepy: Grif: What? Arsé-kun: Kay: I've said that every year. He says "I'm paid in quest rewards". Sheepy: Grif: Exactly. I can't ask Santa to give me things. Sheepy: Grif: ...And anyway. Sheepy: Grif: She has a familiar presence... Sheepy: Grif: ...But I can't quite put my finger on it. Sheepy: Grif: But such a presence...all I can do is bow my head and follow her orders. That must be her Santa magic at work. Sheepy: Grif:...Although...if I'll be getting a break this Christmas, maybe I could ask... Arsé-kun: Kay: For the five billionth time, Santa is just the altered version of our king. Sheepy: Grif: No, Kay, that's not possible. Sheepy: Grif: Our king has blue eyes. Santa doesn't. Sheepy: Grif: Although I met a faker Bedivere the other day who couldn't even get his eye color right... Arsé-kun: Kay: Altered servants have gold eyes, you twat. Sheepy: Grif: It turns out that dismembered arms can be dismembered again... Arsé-kun: Kay: What the fuck did you do?! Sheepy: Grif: Unfortunately, I couldn't defeat the faker because he fled. Sheepy: Bedi: That, um, that wasn't a faker... Sheepy: Grif: Ah. He had some shadow arm instead of an actual arm but my sword worked just the same. That's what I did. Arsé-kun: Acu: Saying that wasn't a Bedivere is like saying I'm not Cu Chulainn. *he picks his head up to look at Grif* Stupid. Sheepy: Grif: What? Sheepy: Grif: There are multiple Bediveres? Sheepy: Grif: Is it a popular name? Arsé-kun: Acu: Two. He, and Alter. Now shut up. Sheepy: Grif:? Sheepy: Grif:..... Sheepy: Grif: Like Alter-nate universe, huh... Arsé-kun: Acu: No, and we won't speak of that. Sheepy: Grif: Like the king. Sheepy: Grif: Mysterious Heroine X.... Arsé-kun: Acu: what the fuck did i just say. Sheepy: Grif: I skipped your dialogue. Arsé-kun: *Grif gets smacked by Acu's tail. No impalement, thankfully.* Sheepy: Grif: Ugh! Arsé-kun: Acu: Skip that. Sheepy: Grif: *he hisses* I'll tear you to shreds! Sheepy: *Grif picks up his chair* Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: Nooooo fighting! I'll kill you! *he throws his little spear at Grif. 0 damage* Sheepy: Grif: No! Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: Put up your dukes! *he gets into a fighting stance* I'll break your kneecaps! Sheepy: Grif: I don't care about you! Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: I'm gonna get you! *and he pauses to gauge the distance to the floor. It's far.* Stop being so far away, I'll punish you! Sheepy: Grif: You really are clumsy with your tail. If you keep it up you'll end up losing it. Arsé-kun: Acu: Not my fault you were standing there. Sheepy: *Grif huffs and throws the chair aside* Arsé-kun: Kay: *he sighs. look grif you've given him anxiety and the desire to drink* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 20 Arsé-kun: *Mini Cu jumps off the counter and lands perfectly on one of Acu's tail spikes. He has ARRIVED.* Sheepy: Bedi: Mini Cu, did your appointment go well? Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: Yeah. There were some pointy things, but I got three lollipops for it! Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, that's great! Sheepy: Grif: When are we going back? When? Arsé-kun: Kay: After we're all done. Sheepy: Grif: Ugh! Sheepy: Grif: I'm tired and upset. I want to go home. Sheepy: Grif: But I can't. Arsé-kun: Kay: Yeah, I know, but we also have to wait for Kiddo. Sheepy: Grif: He can walk home. I want to sleep. Arsé-kun: Kay: Then take a nap, I can't stop you! Sheepy: Grif:...?! Sheepy: Grif: I can...take a nap? Where? Arsé-kun: Kay: .... Yes. Sheepy: *Grif lies down on the floor* Arsé-kun: *Berserkers just love heated floors. That's a known fact. Obviously.* Arsé-kun: *Merlin returns from the back offices, and seats himself on Bedi. He's got his robes under his arm and a new bruise on his cheek. The lesson of "Don't flirt with Nightengale" has not been learnt still.* Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, Merlin, you're back! How did it-....how did you get that bruise? Sheepy: *Grif is already asleep...* Sheepy: Bedi: Ah..I know. You must have gottem your wisdom teeth removed. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I made a mistake. Sheepy: Bedi: A mistake? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Gale still hates my guts. Sheepy: Bedi: Why? Sheepy: Bedi: How could anyone hate you? Arsé-kun: Kay: Very easily. He never shuts up. Sheepy: Bedi: I never really noticed... Sheepy: Bedi: Sometimes I have a nagging feeling that I'm being talked to... Arsé-kun: Merlin: But I don't mind. Sometimes I say things to say them. Sheepy: Bedi: Do you? I never really noticed... Sheepy: Bedi: Why does she hate you? Arsé-kun: Merlin: I'm pretty sure I'm up to saying "And we should jump over a shark pit" at least six times in a discussion now. Also, unapologetic flirting. Sheepy: Bedi: Ahaha...I'm not intentionally ignoring you, my mind just wanders... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Then keep it on a shorter leash! Sheepy: Bedi: How do I do that? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Figurative, Bedi. Sheepy: Bedi:...Right... Arsé-kun: *Merlin briefly pauses and glances towards the floor. No fanfare or announcement? An actual vision. Mac loading cursor.* Sheepy: *Bedi follows his glance* Arsé-kun: *the floor is made out of floor* Sheepy: Bedi: ...? *he looks back to Merlin* Sheepy: Bedi: *he watches Merlin for a bit before...giving him a quick peck on the cheek. he seems a little proud of himself...* Arsé-kun: *Merlin doesn't react Immediately, as he's still in Vision Viewing Mode. Please hold.* Sheepy: Bedi:?? Arsé-kun: Merlin: ... ...... ? *He blinks and tears his gaze away from the floor, registering the previous three minutes* Sheepy: Bedi: Did I interrupt? I apologize... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Not at all.... I see, the tables have turned. Sheepy: Bedi: Yes, the turntables! Arsé-kun: Merlin: Oh, how they table. Arsé-kun: *Kay briefly wonders if he is having a stroke as the pair continue to butcher a simple saying* Sheepy: Grif: Kay, did you know? Arsé-kun: Kay: Know what? Sheepy: Grif: That humans taste emotions through their lips. Sheepy: Grif: I am very knowledgeable about humans. Arsé-kun: Kay: what the fresh hell are you talking about. Sheepy: Grif: They call it "Kis-sing"... And yet, they never sing. Arsé-kun: Kay: How the fuck were you married with a kid? How? Sheepy: Grif: Ah, my wife told me of this child summoning ritual. Sheepy: Grif: I succeeded in this child summoning ritual. Sheepy: Grif: Meanwhile... Arsé-kun: Kay: How long did it take? Sheepy: Grif: Hm? Arsé-kun: Kay: How long did this take in total? Sheepy: Grif: ... Sheepy: Grif: Very long, but I did my best... Arsé-kun: Kay: *smugly* Nine months, aye? Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Sheepy: Grif: However, I accomplished it. I summoned a child. Arsé-kun: *In the background, Nightengale being held back by several others to stop her from giving The Talk right then and there. Dantes is there. He has a black eye.* Sheepy: Grif: Ah, as for how I got married, I was so lucky, yes, so lucky. I love my wife. She was so strong. Her knights tried to kill me in my sleep. So attractive. She yelled at me too for sleeping in her garden as her knights tried to restrain me... I suppose this is what those knight stories meant when they spoke of "love at first sight"...Hm? Sheepy: Grif: What is that? Sheepy: Grif: I know not of such words. Arsé-kun: Acu: .... ..... Arsé-kun: *Acu slowly gets up and goes to help Nightengale. oh no* Sheepy: Grif: Anyway, I love my wife. She was really pretty. She loved birds, especially Elyan. Sheepy: Grif:.............. Sheepy: Grif:................... Sheepy: Grif: I miss my wife... Sheepy: Grif: I suppose that love at first sight is only special because it happens once... Arsé-kun: *Asclepius tries to bypass this entire thing to bring out Kidd. It is not ideal.* Sheepy: *Kidd looks tired and bored* Arsé-kun: *The chaos briefly stops to let the child pass* Sheepy: *Kidd joins Kay* Arsé-kun: Kay: How'd it go, kiddo? Sheepy: Kidd: It went fine. Have you been back yet? Arsé-kun: Kay: Neither of us have been. It might be a bit longer. Sheepy: Kidd: Oh, that's too bad... Arsé-kun: *Poor Asclepius gets dragged into the nonsense over there, so Romani breaks off of talking to Eiji to bring the next one in. Aka Grif.* Sheepy: Grif: I miss my wife........ Arsé-kun: Romani: That's understandable. Would you like to talk about it? Sheepy: Grif: I always want to talk about my wife. I love my wife. Arsé-kun: Romani: Then sure, I won't stop you. Lets get your height and weight checked. Sheepy: Grif: What? Maybe I've grown. Arsé-kun: Romani: We won't know until we check! Sheepy: Grif: Maybe if I'm still growing I can finally get my wings in... Sheepy: Grif:...Then I can't be judged anymore... Arsé-kun: *Kay gives Grif a little shoulder push. Gooo!* Sheepy: Grif:?........... *he follows Dr. Roman* Arsé-kun: *the chaos soon breaks up, partially because Grif aka the prime target is gone, and partially bc Nightengale gave Dantes another injury. poor guy* Sheepy: Bedi: Why are they fighting? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Beats me, I wasn't looking. Arsé-kun: Romani: Eiji, you don't mind me speaking to you while I check someone else's statistics, right? *he then realizes he said statistics. oops!* Sheepy: Eiji: N-no, that's fine. Arsé-kun: Romani: All right. Griflet, please stand against the wall so I can measure. Sheepy: Grif: *he does so* Sheepy: Grif: My height stat is high. Arsé-kun: Romani: *he measures and takes note* No change there, but uh. Sure! Sheepy: Grif: Kay's is stronger. So strong. Arsé-kun: Romani: No doubt. All right, scale next. Sheepy: Grif: *he gets on the scale* Arsé-kun: Romani: And Eiji, I'm not quite sure where to go from here. We're still working on perfecting the programs needed to make such a large change. The most I can do for you right now is make small suggestions. Sheepy: Grif: My muscle stat is high. Arsé-kun: Romani: Not moving can result in muscle atrophy, so at least some exercise  is recommended- Yes, thank you. Sheepy: Eiji: Ah...that's a good idea. Arsé-kun: Romani: Thank you, Griflet, you can get off. Sheepy: Grif: I'm sure your INT stat is higher than mine...you can be my mage next time, Dr. Roman. Sheepy: *Grif gets off* Arsé-kun: Romani: Wh-what? Sheepy: Grif: INT stat. Arsé-kun: Romani: N-no, the part after that! *he has become Flustered* Sheepy: Grif: ? You can be my mage next time, Dr. Roman... Sheepy: Grif:...Ah, Lucan's INT stat is very high...perhaps he chose the wrong class...Maybe I'll make him my mage... Sheepy: Grif: But you would work too. Arsé-kun: Romani: O-oh, you mean for a party! N-no, I'm no good for combat! Sheepy: Grif: What else would I mean? Arsé-kun: Romani: Well, uh, I mean... You kind of left that ambiguous! Sheepy: Grif:?..... I didn't leave anything... Arsé-kun: Romani: ... You weren't clear in your meaning. Arsé-kun: Romani: But okay! Griflet, please go down the hall and wait in the first open room on the left. *he gestures ahead* Chiron will be with you shortly. Arsé-kun: *and he turns back to Eiji* Arsé-kun: Romani: I CAN order a cane for you to use, though, if that will help you. Sheepy: Eiji: Th-thank you.... Sheepy: Grif: Mr. Horse? ...Mr. Sheepy: Grif: Horse, I get to see Mr. Horse? ... *he rushes over to where he was told to wait* Sheepy: Eiji: It, uh, it would. Arsé-kun: Romani: Then I'll put the order in as soon as I can! Sheepy: Eiji: Oh, thank you. Sheepy: Eiji: I really, uh- I really appreciate it. Arsé-kun: Romani: *he appreciates being appreciated! especially to his face, it usually is not* Sheepy: Eiji: I...uh- I h-had a question. ...N-not about me, but, um... Arsé-kun: Romani: ... Huh? Uh, sure, go ahead. Sheepy: Eiji: How much, uh, damage can a p-piece of the grail cause...cause someone if it's inside th-their body? Arsé-kun: *Romani blinks and takes a moment to process this question* Arsé-kun: Romani: That... What? To a Servant, none, but do you mean that or to an actual person? Sheepy: Eiji: Uh... Sheepy: Eiji: Um... he's - uh... Sheepy: Eiji: A person- a child. Arsé-kun: Romani: ... ... Ah. This isn't great hallway chatter, but I'll try to be blunt-- It varies from person to person. *he frowns* It would probably be best to have him checked on. Has he had a physical at all? Sheepy: Eiji: I d-don't think so. Sheepy: Eiji: He doesn't...uh...go out much...so... Arsé-kun: Romani: That's not good to hear. I'd really suggest bringing him in. Bring his servants, too, most of them don't have much on file here. Sheepy: Eiji: I'll try. Sheepy: Eiji: It's just, uh... Sheepy: Eiji: He dislikes me. Arsé-kun: Romani: Hmmm. That does make things difficult! I'll tell you what, I'll send in a heavyweight to take care of it. Sheepy: Eiji: H-heavy...heavyweight? Arsé-kun: Romani: How do I say... Someone who can absolutely manage it. Arsé-kun: *Romani is, in fact, bluffing. Getting help, in this economy??* Sheepy: Eiji: I can, uh...I can tell you wh-what he likes, that might help. Sheepy: Eiji:...first of all, not me... Sheepy: Eiji: Uh...evil Servants. Arsé-kun: *Romani glances off to the side. Dantes flips him off* Sheepy: Eiji: H-he mentioned, um... Sheepy: Eiji: Liking a "Mr. Cu-Cuddle-Cuddledud" recently... who...who else... Sheepy: Eiji:...."Hobo Dad"? Sheepy: Eiji:...I don't, uh, I don't know who they are....Sorry. Sheepy: Eiji: He just tells me th-things occasion...occasionally. Arsé-kun: *Dantes goes to exit scene, very hastily. This being Dantes, that would be a tremendously high speed, except a door was closed as he went to leave. Eat shit mr cuddledud* Arsé-kun: Romani: That would be Mr. Cuddledud. *he has to keep himself from laughing, or Dantes will blow up the hallway* Sheepy: Eiji: ...? Sheepy: Eiji:...H-he looks...less cuddly than I was imagining... Arsé-kun: Dantes: I'm not! I am the spirit of vengeance, the original Avenger, and this is how I'm referred to?! Sheepy: Eiji: I-I'm sorry...! Arsé-kun: Dantes: Do not apologize. You are not the one who created that insult. Sheepy: Eiji: If it helps any, ummm... Sheepy: Eiji: He has worse names for other people. Sheepy: Eiji: Like "Hobo Dad".... Arsé-kun: Merlin: He means Lancer Vlad. *hello, Merlin, you are not supposed to be here* Sheepy: Eiji: But he has a home... Arsé-kun: Merlin: But Berserker Vlad is "Dad", so Lancer is "Scruffy Dad". Sheepy: Eiji: Oh, I see. Arsé-kun: Romani: I- Arsé-kun: Merlin: Shhhhhush, I'll email you the next season in advance. Arsé-kun: *Romani shuts up* Sheepy: Eiji: ? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Personal dealings. Anyway, I very personally think the good doctor should suggest it himself- Satoru liked you, Doc. Arsé-kun: Romani: ! Sheepy: Eiji: Is th-that who "Dr. Marshmallow" is...??? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Corrrrect! Sheepy: Eiji: Ah...he was talking about wanting to come back to, uh, see you. Arsé-kun: Romani: Oh, that certainly makes things far easier, then! Sheepy: Eiji:...but wh-when I said that I'd bring him, he just went quiet... Sheepy: Eiji:...S-so maybe you'd be, um, be better off asking... Arsé-kun: Romani: Ah, well, he has a comm. I can send a fast message when I have the time. Sheepy: Eiji: R-right. Sheepy: Eiji: Good idea. Sheepy: Eiji: Thanks. Sheepy: Eiji: Um....I uh...I actually also, um.... Sheepy: Eiji: wanted...t-to take a miss...mission. Arsé-kun: Romani: That would be sufficient exercise, but will your circuits hold up? Sheepy: Eiji: I don't know. Arsé-kun: Romani: ... Oh, well! You have Merlin, it'll probably be fine. Sheepy: Eiji: Right. Sheepy: Eiji:...Is it okay? Arsé-kun: Romani: It is. I will allow it, but if you begin getting tired, try to stop. Sheepy: Eiji: I will. Arsé-kun: Romani: All right, good luck. You can go once your servants are done being checked on. Sheepy: Eiji: *he nods* Thank you. Arsé-kun: Romani: You're welcome. Do you need assistance getting back to the waiting room? Sheepy: Eiji: Um...I th-think I'm fine. Arsé-kun: Romani: All right! Sheepy: *Eiji heads back to the waiting room* Arsé-kun: *Romani calls for Bedi next* Sheepy: *Bedi joins Dr. Roman* Sheepy: Bedi: Good to see you again. Sheepy: Bedi: How have you been doing? Arsé-kun: Romani: I've been okay! It's been a bit of a holiday rush, so we're all preparing for the inevitable event... Sheepy: Bedi: Inevitable...event? Arsé-kun: Romani: Something has happened every single year on Christmas. We've gotten used to it. *he shrugs* Sheepy: Bedi: Ah...I suppose I should know that. ...I apologize. I am a newly summoned Servant, so my knowledge on Chaldea is limited. Arsé-kun: Romani: ....? No? You were summoned quite a few years ago? Sheepy: Bedi: Ah... that doesn't seem right... Arsé-kun: Romani: ... Were you recently resummoned? That would cause a breach in memory. Sheepy: Bedi: Yes. Arsé-kun: Romani: Ouch. I won't ask why, but we'll deal with that after I do your physical. Sheepy: Bedi: It's not very interesting. I had a hole put in my chest by an old man I helped... Sheepy: Bedi:...So I grasp from the situation. Arsé-kun: Romani: That's unfortunate, I'm sorry. Sheepy: Bedi: I suppose I should be more careful about old men suddenly murdering me without any reason in the future. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, you'll fix it? Thank you. Arsé-kun: Romani: We'll certainly try. I'm informed it is a thing that can be done. Sheepy: Bedi: Maybe it would improve my memory in general. Sheepy: Bedi:...I hope. Arsé-kun: Romani: Maybe! It's been used a few times, but I've never witnessed it. Sheepy: Bedi: I'm willing to try it. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, right, the physical... Arsé-kun: *so they go do that. bedi's reflexes are functional, too, but he sure doesn't feel the vibe check reflex hammer* Sheepy: Bedi:....I have a feeling that I will never get used to that... suddenly, my knee has a mind of its own...I assume I should feel that hammer hitting my knee but I don't. Arsé-kun: Romani: You should. I'm not sure if it's your own nerves having issues, or if it's connected to Eiji's having issues... Sheepy: Bedi: Ah... Sheepy: Bedi: I wasn't able to feel physical pain before I finally passed. I hadn't been able to for a few decades. It could be that. Sheepy: Bedi: A Servant is summoned in their prime, and I assume my prime was when I was finally capable of taking on my fears. Sheepy: Bedi:...That's right, isn't it? Arsé-kun: Romani: Normally, yes, but it tends to mix time periods when need be. Sheepy: Bedi: So it could be completely unrelated to me but rather be Master Eiji's nerves... I see. Sheepy: Bedi: Although... Sheepy: Bedi: I suppose I should keep that to myself, considering how Tristan was trying to figure out how numb to pain I truly was...I would not want him doing the same to Master Eiji... Arsé-kun: Romani: As a doctor, I wouldn't abuse that knowledge. ... Though now I am curious as to how? Sheepy: Bedi: It mostly consisted of stepping on strange things he found around the house. Like let-goes and bio-narcles. Sheepy: Bedi: Apparently, they are incredibly painful to step on. I did not feel anything... Arsé-kun: *Romani visibly flinches. Ouch!!* Sheepy: Bedi:...But Satoru seemed to want them back to keep building bio-narcle takeover of his let-go city. Arsé-kun: Romani: I can see why.. Sheepy: Bedi: He didn't seem pleased by what Sir Tristan was using them for. Actually, Sir Tristan later found them in his shoes a bit too late... Arsé-kun: Romani: Goodbye, Sir Tristan, may he rested in pieces. Sheepy: Bedi:...Based on his reaction, I suppose they're fairly effective...Oh, I apologize, I'm rambling. Arsé-kun: Romani: No, no, I don't mind at all! Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, I'm glad. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, right. What can I do about nightmares that wake me up at night? Arsé-kun: Romani: I'd have to send you to the therapist for that, officially, but do forward any answers you get. Sheepy: Bedi: ?...Alright. Sheepy: Bedi: I will. Arsé-kun: Romani: Thank you. Okay, lets finish up here and then see how "It" goes. Arsé-kun: *aaand we move back to the waiting room for the time being* Sheepy: Kidd: ...So you're here to fight a dragon? I can think of one, but... Sheepy: Georgios: I can sense a new, unfamiliar dragon! ...Ah, but perhaps I should have brought my friend Siegfried... Arsé-kun: Kay: I can confirm the dragon part, but I'd like to leave with him alive. Sheepy: Georgios: However. I must fight any dragon. Sheepy: Kidd: Uh, why? Sheepy: Georgios: Because they are sinful beasts. Sheepy: Kidd: ...Yeah, I suppose that's an accurate descriptor... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Choose carefully, Saint. This is not the time nor place for combat. Arsé-kun: *mini cu is trying to chew on st. georgios' boot. it is completely ineffective.* Sheepy: Georgios: I suppose so. Sheepy: Georgios: Right now, this is a place for people to await judgement. Arsé-kun: Kay: Yeah, for the Hell Nurse. "Angel", hah. Sheepy: Georgios: How fearful......... Sheepy: Georgios: The true dragon...is her. Sheepy: Georgios: ...I should not badmouth anyone behind their back. It's sinful. Arsé-kun: Kay: Then allow me! What a stubborn, non-listening, aggressive, overreacting, Sheepy: Georgios: Oh, dear- what language... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Well, you know what they say about gingers. Soulless! *he completely ignores that one of his sleeves was nearly lit on fire* Sheepy: Kidd: I've never heard that before. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Huh. It used to be said twenty years ago, so I guess that's fair. Sheepy: Kidd: I wasn't alive twenty years ago. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's why it's fair. Sheepy: Georgios: Soulless? But everyone has a soul... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Joke, noun. Sheepy: Georgios: ...Except dragons. Sheepy: Kidd: Dragons are just lizards but magical. Sheepy: Kidd: Do you hate lizards? Sheepy: Georgios: They do not choose to do evil. They simply do. But dragons are intelligent enough to do good and often decide to do evil instead. Sheepy: Georgios: Unfortunately, this usually ends up with a princess or two being eaten... Sheepy: Kidd: But knights don't eat princesses so he's fine. Arsé-kun: *Merlin just smirks. Merlin. Merlin no.* Arsé-kun: Merlin: Perhaps not like *that* they don't. *he wiggles his eyebrows and keeps smirking* Sheepy: Georgios:...! Sheepy: Georgios: I see now! Thou art a dragon, a sinful beast! Sheepy: *Georgios lifts up his sword.* Arsé-kun: Merlin: I'll take that as a stroooong compliment! *he stands up and holds up his staff* Let us take this outside, dear Saint! Sheepy: *Georgios goes outside.* Arsé-kun: *Merlin, still grinning like the bastard he is, gives Eiji a thumbs up and heads out. He is raring to go! Finally, some goddamn combat in this shithole!* Sheepy: Eiji: Uh...um...but...he has the type...type ad-advantage.... oh no.... Sheepy: Kidd: I somehow doubt that that dragon-obsessed man is truly that powerful.. Arsé-kun: Kay: I'm sorta glad Grif missed this. Sheepy: Kidd: I'd have to stop him from "tearing that man to shreds". Arsé-kun: Kay: Yeah, we sure would! Sheepy: Eiji: Th-there will come a ti...time you'll give up...uh...um...con-con-controlling that one servant. Sheepy: Eiji:...for me it's Merlin... Sheepy: Eiji:...that's what Bed-Bedi is there for... Arsé-kun: Kay: And were I not down here at level 40, I'd pummel him completely for free. But here we are. Sheepy: Eiji: ? Arsé-kun: Kay: Merlin would push me over and I'd probably get ko'd. Sheepy: Eiji: Yes, h-he's level 90. Arsé-kun: Kay: Disgusting. He'd kill me without even trying. Sheepy: Eiji: Bedi is level 70...y-you might have.....have a chance with him... Arsé-kun: Kay: I haven't been ascended once yet. The sentiment I appreciate, but nah, I'd get fucked. Sheepy: Eiji: What? Really? Arsé-kun: Kay: Really. Rare material hellzone. Sheepy: Kidd: Grif looked for it the other day.... Arsé-kun: Kay: No luck, yeah? Sheepy: Kidd:...But he came back with strange things instead. Arsé-kun: Kay: This surprises you, Kiddo? Sheepy: Eiji: What...what do you need? Arsé-kun: Kay: Rare divine wine, or whatever. Sheepy: Kidd: Not snake eyes after how many Grif brought home. Sheepy: Eiji: Oh...I have...have it, but, um, none of my Ssser...servants use it... Sheepy: Eiji:..I didn't r-really get its purpose because, uh...I didn't intend on get-getting any Servants past Merlin. Sheepy: Eiji: Uh, it's not really old, I had summoned Bedi by then. He didn't want it... Sheepy: Eiji:....so I still have it.... Arsé-kun: *Kay looks like a child on Christmas morning that just ran down the stairs and found a Nintendo 64 under the tree, (*0*)* Sheepy: Eiji: D-did you want it? I don't have a purpose for it. Sheepy: Eiji:...I have two. Arsé-kun: Kay: I certainly do! Please! *he falls forward off his chair and onto his knees* It's early Christmas!! Sheepy: *Eiji pulls them out of his Inventory and gives them to Kay* Arsé-kun: *Kay gleefully accepts the materials! He takes a few steps back, as to not blind anyone, and then ascends right there, right now.* Sheepy: Kidd:?! Your ascension is becoming the sun itself?! Sheepy: Eiji: Servants do that wh-when they ascend... Arsé-kun: *Once that light dies down, Kay has... Not changed much. His armor has, yes- It looks more like ARMOR now- and his eyepatch has gotten more elaborate. But it's only first asc., nothing wild yet!* Sheepy: Kidd: I dislike it. Sheepy: Eiji: So cruel... Arsé-kun: Kay: Wh-what?? I finally get real armor and you hurt me like this?? Sheepy: Kidd: You've had the same look for years and now it's different. Arsé-kun: Kay: It's not like I can't just wear that!! Sheepy: Kidd: It's so mildly different that it's like an itch you just can't scratch, unlike Grif who completely changed...What? You can do that? Go ahead. Arsé-kun: *Kay takes off his chestplate. His normal shirt is under it.* Arsé-kun: Kay: Shocker, ain't it? Sheepy: Kidd: I just assumed that knights wore nothing under their armor. Arsé-kun: Kay: .... .... *he busts out laughing* Arsé-kun: *Acu finally drags himself back into the waiting room. He, impressively, is more tired now than he was going in.* Sheepy: Eiji: H-how are you feel...feeling? Arsé-kun: Acu: ..... *he grunts and collapses onto two chairs. Tired.* ...'mind me to kill the nurse later. Arsé-kun: *Acu grumbles under his breath and takes his second nap today. It isn't even noon yet.* Sheepy: Kidd: Actually, you look familiar... Sheepy: Eiji:...? Sheepy: Kidd: *squint* ...........No, unless you just aged forty years I've never met you. Arsé-kun: Kay: Don't mind if I steal that line to insult someone! *he plops down next to Kidd* Sheepy: Eiji: I-I'm not that old...! I-I'm actually fair...fairly young...ish...! I'm just pre...prematurely gray... Sheepy: Kidd: Doesn't he seem familiar? Sheepy: Kidd: Have you been twelve before? Sheepy: Eiji: I was at one time in my life...? Arsé-kun: Kay: Kiddo, what kind of goddamn question was that? Sheepy: Kidd: You never know after knowing Grif. Arsé-kun: Kay: Y'know what, fine. But of course he looks familiar, he's Satoru's pop. You never asked! Sheepy: Kidd: Really? Arsé-kun: Kay: I don't make shit up! Sheepy: Kidd: I doubt that. Arsé-kun: Kay: Kiddo, I would personally fight you if that was remotely fair. Sheepy: Kidd: I'd lose because you're older than me. Arsé-kun: Kay: You'd lose because you're a half-pint. Sheepy: Kidd: What's the difference? Arsé-kun: Kay: You can be a very old midget. Sheepy: Kidd: But I'm not green nor do I speak with poor grammar... Arsé-kun: Kay: What's stopping you!? Sheepy: Kidd: The fact that I'm not green, nor do I want to be. Arsé-kun: Kay: I dunnnooo, you've seemed pretty green before...! *he's teasing* Sheepy: Kidd: Well, I didn't want to be! Arsé-kun: Kay: Nobody asked yoda if he wanted to be green either! Sheepy: Kidd: Yoda wasn't born green? Arsé-kun: Kay: Hell if I know. Sheepy: Kidd: I always imagined him being a turtle without his shell. Sheepy: Kidd:...With ears. Arsé-kun: Kay: I'm disgusted, I'm revolted, Sheepy: Eiji:?..... Sheepy: Kidd: But would you really be stronger than Yoda? Arsé-kun: Kay: I'd punt the old coot like a football. Sheepy: Grif: Good! Arsé-kun: Kay: Griflet, Griflet, look! *he puts his chestplate back on and holds his arms out* It's finally happened!! Sheepy: Grif: I knew you seemed different. Good. Excellent! Now I don't have to worry constantly about you. Sheepy: Grif:......... Arsé-kun: Kay: ........... Sheepy: Grif:.........Uh. Good! Arsé-kun: Kay: ... Er. Isn't it?! Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Arsé-kun: Kay: .... You worried about me? *he puts his arms down* Sheepy: Grif: Uh, all the time. Arsé-kun: Kay: Ah. Uh. Erm. *for once, Kay does not have a comeback* Sheepy: Grif: Is that not normal? Arsé-kun: Kay: It is! It's just, uh. Do you think ascension materials can get you drunk? *he is deflecting the subject entirely. He is also completely sober* Sheepy: Grif: No. I am too powerful to fall under the effects of alcohol. Arsé-kun: Kay: I gave you one glass of wine and you were shitfaced. Sheepy: Grif: I try my hardest. Arsé-kun: Kay: I know, and I appreciate it. Sheepy: Grif: Uh.... Arsé-kun: Kay: .... Hm. Sheepy: Grif:....Really? Arsé-kun: Kay: Like you said, all the time. Sheepy: Grif:....Good! No one does usually. Arsé-kun: Kay: Great, now lets resume being at each others throats with vigor! ... Figuratively, this got weird. Sheepy: Grif: Fine! Arsé-kun: *Luckily for them, only like three people heard that entire exchange* Sheepy: *Kidd is visibly confused...* Arsé-kun: Kay: ..... Yeah, me too, Kiddo! I don't know where half of that came from! What the fuck, is that normal?? Sheepy: Kidd: I wouldn't know. Sheepy: Grif: Humans don’t protect each other? Terrible. Awful. Arsé-kun: Kay: That wasn't what I was referring to.. Sheepy: Grif: What, then? Sheepy: Grif: You confuse me. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I can confirm it as normal! *he re-enters scene, having clearly been beat up. He's still got a few scales here and there.* Servants tend to get emotional upon ascension. It's free food for me, and it helps make you feel better! Sheepy: Grif: ....! Sheepy: Grif: Oh... Sheepy: Grif:...Even Merlin got them in before me... Arsé-kun: Merlin: What's up, you meme-loving fucks? I just got pummeled by a Saint- No, no, I did this intentionally. Sheepy: Grif: Uh? Arsé-kun: Merlin: But yours are coming, I will confirm that for you! Sheepy: Grif: ?! Sheepy: Grif: I see...no longer will I not fit in... Sheepy: Grif: Now both humans and dragons have to accept me. Arsé-kun: Merlin: And if they don't, rip them to shreds! Sheepy: Grif: Yeah! Yeah!!!!!! Arsé-kun: *Merlin sits down and starts working on cleaning himself up and clearing up the remaining dragon traits. He got hit with Ascalon a LOT.* Sheepy: Eiji: Was...was it worth it? Arsé-kun: Merlin: For me, yes! ... *a look of worry crosses his face* I didn't drain from you too much, did I? Sheepy: Eiji: No. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's good. I only went because I was sure I could avoid doing that! Sheepy: Eiji: You were right. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Fantastic!~ Sheepy: Bedi: Merlin, Merlin! *he arrives! he can barely contain his excitement!* Arsé-kun: Merlin: -Ah! *he drops his staff and looks up. He had JUST been about to start weaving magic.* Yes, yes, how did it go? Sheepy: Bedi: My memory has greatly improved. I have remembered things I had previously forgotten...such as! Arsé-kun: *Merlin has a sudden feeling of "I'm about to be publicly embarrassed"* Sheepy: Bedi: The time you tried kickflipping and fell on your face instead. Ah, and the time Sir Tristan tried making a snow angel and got stuck in the snow. ...Oh, or how Fou looked before....or when Gawain smashed broccoli and tried to say that was cooking. Sheepy: Bedi: The time you tried kickflipping and fell on your face instead. Ah, and the time Sir Tristan tried making a snow angel and got stuck in the snow. ...Oh, or how Fou looked before....or when Gawain smashed broccoli and tried to say that was cooking. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I've learned since then..!! *he is lying. this is obvious.* Arsé-kun: Merlin: Also, what was that third one? Sheepy: Bedi: Is...is this a test question? Sheepy: Bedi:...... Arsé-kun: Merlin: No, I want to clarify. Sheepy: *Bedi is visibly struggling* Arsé-kun: Merlin: Take your time. Sheepy: Bedi: Ah... ... how Fou looked before? Arsé-kun: Merlin: You got it! So is he still cute? Sheepy: Bedi: Yes. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Grea---- whhhhh Sheepy: Bedi: He's so cute... Sheepy: Kidd: What is a Fou? Arsé-kun: *Both Merlin and Kay are staring at Bedi. They seem to disagree* Sheepy: Grif: Someone I will tear to shreds for you. Sheepy: Kidd: Uh? Sheepy: Grif: Foe...enemy. Arsé-kun: Fou: Fouuuuu?? Sheepy: Grif: Yes. F-o-e. Foe. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, Fou! Arsé-kun: Kay: Ew, disgusting, it's the monstrosity itself. Sheepy: Eiji: ....? Sheepy: Eiji: Is Fou bad...other- other than tor...tor...bullying M-Merlin? Arsé-kun: Fou: Fou, fou? *he tilts his head (cute) and is visibly confused (Cute). Look how tiny he is! (Cute!!)* Sheepy: Bedi: Aren't you so cute, Fou? Arsé-kun: Fou: Fouuu! *he hops onto Bedi's shoulder and nuzzles his face. babey* Arsé-kun: Kay: Yes. That "thing" is the Cath Palug. Sheepy: Bedi: *he gently pets Fou. he's beaming!* Arsé-kun: *Fou is BABEY* Sheepy: Eiji: I assumed Fou was a weird fox thing... Arsé-kun: Kay: Like this, sure. But when he hogs an entire river himself and eats passerby, I don't wanna hear it. Sheepy: Eiji: ...but S-Satoru likes him...maybe I should be care...careful.... Sheepy: Eiji:.....He won't eat children, right? Arsé-kun: Kay: You never know with this beast. Arsé-kun: *Fou looks Offended* Sheepy: Bedi: He's so sweet...and cute. Arsé-kun: *Fou is no longer offended.* Sheepy: Grif: I see, so Fou is like Dad. Sheepy: Grif: He takes over a river and eats passerbys as a hobby. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Exactly. Sheepy: Grif: Fou...must be fought and defeated. Arsé-kun: Kay: I knew you'd understand! Sheepy: Grif: I fought Dad for the same thing. Sheepy: Grif: How kind of him to return me to my home before going back to terrorizing the countryside. Sheepy: Grif:...Although, the water didn't seem quite right that day. How mysterious... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Unsolved mystery. You'll find out one day. Sheepy: Kidd: Maybe it was a dream. Sheepy: Grif:.... Sheepy: Grif: I had a dream once. Sheepy: Grif: I ate an apple. Sheepy: Grif: It was a good dream. Arsé-kun: Merlin: .. Master, are we still waiting on Caster Cu? Sheepy: Eiji: Ah.... Sheepy: Eiji: Uh...I th-think he re...returned to ssspirit form. Arsé-kun: Merlin: ... ... *he looks towards the floor* .... Ah... I see. You're right. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Then that's all situations tied up, and we're free to move on. Sheepy: Bedi: Merlin? *squint* ...Oh, I know. You did something with your hair. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That too! *he sighs, shakes his head, and finally gets to fix himself up* Sheepy: Bedi: You look better now. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Thank you. I was fighting a Saint to pass the time. Sheepy: Grif: You should go for the Elyan look. Sheepy: Grif: On the outside, he is armor. Sheepy: Grif: On the inside, he is also armor. That is all. Sheepy: Grif: It's a good look for knights. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Why, so I can look like the Headless Rider in the saber class? Sheepy: Grif: Oh. Sheepy: Grif: I forgot about him. Sheepy: Bedi: You weren't hurt, were you? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Now please stop mashing the A button at me, before I start giving you npc dialogue-- Hm? No, of course not. Sheepy: Grif:...But... Sheepy: Grif: ....I want your BOND POINTS. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Now is not the time nor place for that! Sheepy: Grif: How unfortunate...I must have used up my BOND EVENT on Kay... Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: what is this man saying? ??? Sheepy: Kidd: We just don't know. Arsé-kun: Merlin: And now, baring that! We are free to leave! Sheepy: Grif: Please tell me when I can get BOND POINTS from you. Sheepy: Grif: I want to improve my bonds. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Sure, I'll text you when the next BOND EVENT is on. Sheepy: Grif: Thank you. Sheepy: Grif: I will bring gifts for extra BOND POINTS. Arsé-kun: *Merlin liked that!* Sheepy: Bedi: Where are we going now? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Training grounds! Sheepy: Bedi: Ah, okay. Sheepy: Eiji: ? Sheepy: Eiji: I-is that my mission...? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Maybe! Check the Master Missions board and decide for yourself, Boss! Sheepy: Eiji: Ah...okay. Sheepy: Bedi: Why the Training Grounds? To stretch our lim... ... ... Legs? Arsé-kun: Merlin: It would be a good start, yes. Sheepy: Bedi: I see. Arsé-kun: Acu: Are we finally moving? Sheepy: Bedi: Yes. Arsé-kun: Acu: Finally. Sheepy: Bedi: I am glad you are happy about it. Arsé-kun: *bippity boppity move on finally* Sheepy: Ozy: Hah! Why would you tear me away from my great works simply to make me wipe away your 10 AP nobodies? Sheepy: Eiji:...you were first on my support for riders. Arsé-kun: Merlin: It's quick, it's easy, and it's free! Mats for your new master, as well! Sheepy: Ozy: Hmhm... Arsé-kun: Merlin: And it's better than pouring river water into your socks! Sheepy: Ozy:...Hm? Foolishness. This is no Master and Servant relationship. Sheepy: Ozy: I am the king and she is my...Hm. Well... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Your what? Please go on, Pharaoh! Sheepy: Ozy: I cannot say servant...because she listens not to what I say. Sheepy: Bedi: Maybe the word you are looking for is "friend". Sheepy: Ozy: Hah! Traitor knight, you have no need to finish my sentences. Sheepy: Ozy: You should value the time you spend wondering what glorious thing will come out of my mouth next. Sheepy: Bedi: Maybe I should, because it's better than hearing it. Arsé-kun: *Merlin snorts oh-so eloquently* Sheepy: Ozy: Ahahahahaha! Yes, you understand! Truly, the hype will always be greater than the end product! Sheepy: Eiji: Can...um... Sheepy: Ozy: Yes, yes, come out with it, what do you request of the great King of Kings? Sheepy: Eiji: C-can you go home? You're too loud. Sheepy: Ozy: Hah! What a joker you are! Arsé-kun: *Merlin has to stifle a second, louder snort. What an elegant Caster he is* Sheepy: Ozy: Now then. Show me these 10-piece mcnobodies! Arsé-kun: Merlin: Wave three, coming right up! Sheepy: Ozy: *he summons sun lasers to attack the enemies!* Arsé-kun: *the simulation gilles lasts exactly 10 seconds. nobody wanted to see you anyway. disgusting* Sheepy: *nobody can see after that anyway. jk jk* Sheepy: Eiji: Um...um...I'd ...uh...r-rather different support... Arsé-kun: Merlin: On it, Master! Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he turns to Ozy* If you want a challenge, Cu Alter has gone ahead to the 30 ap grounds. Why not join him? Sheepy: Ozy: Ahahaha! Good idea. I am off! I believe in all of you to accomplish great things in the stead of the Sun King! Arsé-kun: Merlin: They will be, I can assure! Sheepy: *Ozy proudly walks off, smugly laughing* Arsé-kun: Merlin: The situation is solved, Master. Shall we check the support listings for friends again, or would you like to go further? Sheepy: Eiji: Uh? Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he strolls over and gently takes Eiji's wrist to poke his comm.- A slightly dusty old watch- and bring up the display* You know! Sheepy: Eiji: Wh-what do you me...mean, go further? Arsé-kun: Merlin: I mean, see if anyone nearby is offering support. *He scrolls the displayed list down with his staff* Oh, right, that was update 15.06. We were active back on... 14.02? Sheepy: Eiji: Let's try that. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Let's see! We've got... ... Ah. The support is full of newbies who can't place correct ces for their lives. It is one of THOSE days, or an event is coming soon. Arsé-kun: Merlin: There's also a support listing with only a single Avenger listed. Surprisingly, it is not Satoru. Sheepy: Eiji:...? Who...who is it? Arsé-kun: Merlin: That would be the Avenger of Monte Cristo. Sheepy: Eiji: He seems strong. Arsé-kun: Merlin: He is, but if you sent away the Pharaoh for being loud... Sheepy: Eiji:...that's true. Arsé-kun: *Distant laughter as some low-level spellbooks get bombed. Servants are loud.* Sheepy: Eiji: oh... Sheepy: Eiji:...B...but I did e-embarrass him earlier... uh....maybe this...this would make it up to him? Arsé-kun: Merlin: It's plausible! Sheepy: Eiji: We should choose him. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Any input, Bedi? Sheepy: Bedi: He seems reliable. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Thank you, Bedi. Sheepy: Bedi: Was that a good or bad answer? Arsé-kun: Merlin: A good answer! Sheepy: Bedi: I see. I was concerned that was sarcasm. Arsé-kun: Merlin: This time it was not, but the concern is warranted! *because he's an asshole* Okay, lets summon our support! Sheepy: Bedi: I will be ready to silence him if necessary. Sheepy: Eiji: dont do that Arsé-kun: *Dantes is literally right there. He's right behind them. And please do not do that, Bedivere, it is not fun to be silenced. Okay, anyway, composure, composure... Laugh (quietly).* Sheepy: *Bedi, understandably, panics upon hearing a laugh behind him and swings his right arm [Airgetlam] at Dantes. Eiji jumps because of Bedi's reaction* Arsé-kun: *Dantes ducks, successfully evading the oncoming threat. His hat gets le epic owned. Bedi has slapped a hat. It floats to the ground, as hats do.* Arsé-kun: Dantes: I certainly deserved that. Sheepy: Bedi: Ah...I apologize. Sheepy: Eiji: Oh...we were...were j-just about to...uh...um... Sheepy: Eiji:....you know, sum...summon you. Arsé-kun: Dantes: So I have heard. Find relief in the fact that I will temporarily aid you! Sheepy: Eiji: um...um... Sheepy: Eiji:....to be honest, I-I actually- Sheepy: Bedi: Thank you for your assistance. Sheepy: Bedi: Master Eiji thanks you as well. Sheepy: Eiji: We were...um...g-going to uh... Sheepy: Eiji: fight...things. Sheepy: Eiji:...I'm s-sorry, I haven't uh...been active with Cha...Chaldea for a while. ...so I'm rusty. Sheepy: Eiji:....sorry. Arsé-kun: Dantes: *he's scrutinizing Eiji. He has a powerful resting bitch face.* ... Yes, I believe I remember you. It has been quite a long time since... *he trails off and glares at Merlin. Merlin grins* ... Since the mage would regularly brag. Sheepy: Eiji:...I...um... Sheepy: Eiji:.....got, uh... Sheepy: Eiji: attac- ....uh, a son...and old. Sheepy: Bedi: I now fight in his stead. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Did you believe that knowledge had not spread upon it happening? *he looks over Bedi* A fine choice. Sheepy: Eiji: Uh...Y-you know? Sheepy: Eiji: Oh.... Arsé-kun: Dantes: *He promptly does not answer this question* Were you to desire vengeance, I would not mind giving assistance. Sheepy: Eiji: Um...I....uh... Sheepy: Eiji:...H-he was my friend at one point...so... Sheepy: Eiji: I can't hurt...hurt him. Arsé-kun: Dantes: *internally* (pathetic. understandable, but pathetic.) Arsé-kun: Dantes: Understandable, if this changes, let me know. Sheepy: Eiji:...it might. Sheepy: Eiji: B-but only in self...self defense. Sheepy: Eiji: Um...have y-you been doing well in that time? Arsé-kun: Dantes: *oh god. normal small talk. oh god. dont be an edgelord dont be an edgelord d* If that is what one calls it. *goddammit* Sheepy: Eiji: oh...okay. Arsé-kun: *Mini Cu has been sllllllowly dragging a dead lamia in their direction for the entirety of this scene. He is very small and it is big. He will get there one day. We believe in you* Sheepy: *I believe in you mini cu* Sheepy: Eiji: But...um, I wanted to train. ...I h-hope I can be of help...I hope. .... Arsé-kun: Dantes: You sound awfully unconfident for a seasoned Master. Sheepy: Eiji:...sorry. Sheepy: Eiji: M-my circuits were badly damaged. Arsé-kun: Dantes: So what? That will not stop you from crushing your enemies when necessary! *quiet 'kuahaha!'. Not as fitting as he'd hoped it'd be.* Sheepy: Eiji: How? How can I now? Tell me. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Continue out of spite! Destroy those who say you are unable! Cripple those who try to stop you with claw and fang, make them regret ever toying with you! Sheepy: Eiji: I r-really don't get what you want me to do... Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... ... I said get revenge on those who wronged you, obliterate them. Sheepy: Eiji: I can't. Arsé-kun: Dantes: You can support the Magus of Flowers without breaking a sweat, and have brought the so-called "Most Average Knight" to top form. There is no rule stating you must act on your own. Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... ... So kill them. Sheepy: Eiji: *he's starting to sound annoyed...* S-some mornings the pain is so bad I can't get up, I even con...contemplate if I want to. My body's a mess, no matter how hard I try my circuits barely work if they even do at all...I try! *his voice has turned to anger...* Nobody gets that! They just laugh it off and suggest the impossible! Arsé-kun: Dantes: You misunderstand. *he's been trying to stay EDGY CHUN, but he drops it for a moment.* You may physically be unable to act- I can very personally relate to the feeling- But you are not at all alone. Do you not have others to support you? Sheepy: Eiji: I do. Arsé-kun: Dantes: And they are supported by you in return. You are not useless, no matter how your mortal coil may fare. Arsé-kun: *Merlin takes a few steps back, nudges Bedi, and gestures down to the grass around their feet that isn't taken over by his flowers. He's smiling. Look.* Sheepy: Bedi: *he looks down. oh! the grass has grown!!* Arsé-kun: *Mini Cu has made Progress­™ and even he has noticed the suddenly-overgrown grass. He wonders how to navigate it when he gets that far* Sheepy: *I believe in you mini cu* Arsé-kun: *me too* Sheepy: Eiji: What, with mor...moral s-support? Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... Even that is something. But I see you are still capable of magecraft, and I will respectfully step down. *he gestures down to the grass and takes a step back* Sheepy: Eiji:...? Sheepy: Eiji: *he looks down* ...I...I didn't try to do that...it w-wasn't intentional. Arsé-kun: Dantes: It does not matter. You were still capable. Sheepy: Eiji: I don't know how I did... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Reporting heightened aggression! Possibly linked to activation of weaker circuits, I will report again once I am certain! Sheepy: Eiji: I'm sorry, I d-didn't try to get angry... Arsé-kun: *Dantes looks Smug. bastard.* Arsé-kun: Merlin: All right, that's enough of this. Our team consists of a fantastic Master, the best knight, the most helpful Avenger, *dantes looks salty*, and an immoral fuck gremlin that could proooobably be the antichrist if I really gave it my all! Sheepy: Eiji: Th-thank you. Sheepy: Bedi: B...best? *he appears flustered...* Arsé-kun: Dantes: *Call him helpful again and he'll be helpful in wringing an incubi's neck* Arsé-kun: Merlin: And I cannot skip the upcoming, the loved! The smallest Cu you've ever goddamn seen! *he gestures to Mini Cu, who is treating the heightened grass like a legitimate obstacle. Help him, Merlin will not* Sheepy: Bedi: Oh...he's cute...! Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: Don't just stare at me, I'll bite your ankles to shreds!! Sheepy: Bedi:...Did I feed Squash today? Arsé-kun: Merlin: You did. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, good. Sheepy: Bedi:...Then what am I forgetting? Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: I will remove your legs and sell them for the highest bidder, Sheepy: Bedi: I need those. Sheepy: Bedi:...Oh, did I feed Carrot? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Also yes. Sheepy: Bedi: Good. Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: Take this overgrown alligator bag of stuff before I stab you through the heart!! Sheepy: *Eiji helps Mini Cu with some difficulty* Arsé-kun: *at some point along the journey, Mini Cu reduced his delivery size by half, now only holding the lower half, the snake half, the important part, the... part full of loot like an illegal purse in a casino* Sheepy: Eiji: ...uh. Sheepy: Eiji: ......... Sheepy: Eiji: ...thanks? Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, this must be what Alter Cu collected. Sheepy: Bedi: Thank you, Mini Cu. The meat was not edible anyway. Sheepy: Eiji: ...meat? Sheepy: Bedi: Of the Lamia. Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: *he makes a face, reaches into his mouth, and pulls out a few stands of hair* It wasn't? Then why was it made of meat? Sheepy: Bedi: Some meat can't be eaten by humans. Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: Like ornaments! Sheepy: Bedi: Yes! Exactly. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Please don't eat ornaments. *he picks up Mini Cu by the scruff* Shall we head off? Sheepy: Eiji: I'd like that... Arsé-kun: *They get to training! ... Ozy is STILL audible off in the distance. No one is surprised by this.* Sheepy: *Eiji at least tries to work hard at moral support.* Arsé-kun: *He's doing a great job and we all believe in him!* Sheepy: *yes!* Arsé-kun: *He might not be able to actively use Magecraft, but he's still supporting his Servants just fine! Merlin hasn't needed to step in at all!* Sheepy: Eiji: Ah...you're v-very strong. Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... Thank you for noticing! *he pauses* Of course, it is not a surprise considering that I am the top Avenger! *laughter break* The most well-known, and certainly the most effective! Sheepy: Eiji: Ah.... Sheepy: Eiji: I um...know other Av...Avengers. Sheepy: Eiji: One is um... Sheepy: Eiji:...a dog? Arsé-kun: Dantes: Shinjuku Avenger. The hatred of humanity is present, but not throughout the unit. Sheepy: Eiji: And th-the other is a mostly...mostly naked man wearing a b-bathrobe. Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... ... So you've met the... Original Avenger. He who all Avengers should look up to, and yet. Sheepy: Eiji: He's um...my s-son's Servant. Sheepy: Eiji: He was forced to summon that Avenger. Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... Ah. Sheepy: Eiji: I don't know h-how to feel about Avengers because...uh, um- I w-watched Shin...Shinjuku Avenger get s-scared by, um... Sheepy: Eiji:...a vacuum cleaner. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Kuahaha! How pathetic! What an Avenger they are! Sheepy: Eiji:...They? Sheepy: Eiji: Th-there's the dog... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Just Lobo, not the entire unit! Though I will say, I once witnessed Satoru try to vacuum up Rider because he saw it in a video game. Sheepy: Eiji: Oh, poor Rider. Arsé-kun: *Mini Cu is riding on and pulling on a wild spellbook like a bull. fantastic stuff but not the focus* Sheepy: *thank you mini cu* Arsé-kun: *Merlin gets momentarily distracted by lamia titties while Bedi is punching books. Dantes solves this by launching past Merlin and 1shotting the snake woman. why does she even have tits, shes a LIZARD, LIZARDS DONT NEED* Sheepy: Bedi: *he looks over. that distracted him* Arsé-kun: *the book heals itself for like 2k hp and disengages. this affects nothing, it is still a book* Sheepy: Bedi:...*he blankly looks at the book. sir do you mind* Arsé-kun: *it minds very much living is nice* Sheepy: Bedi:...*he crosses his arms*... I need to know. Sheepy: Bedi: What do you say inside of you? Arsé-kun: *the book has an existential crisis and flips open. it's a spell book, i dont know what was expected. doujins?* Sheepy: Bedi: You have spells inside of you... Sheepy: Bedi: I always wanted to try magic but I am not very good at it, considering that I am inexperienced... Sheepy: Bedi: How did you learn magic? By watching it? Arsé-kun: *Bedi continues giving a book a Crisis™. Merlin is viewing the book with some small binoculars and scribbling down the contents. free magic* Sheepy: *Eiji wonders if he should stop Bedi.* Arsé-kun: *Dantes stops because it is the last enemy, and Bedi is Negotiating. Why is beyond him.* Sheepy: Bedi: Do you want to be friends? We do not have to fight. Arsé-kun: *The book is unsure of it's purpose if not for fighting everything in sight and providing magic. At least it does not explode. Do not ask why it would. It is a spellbook, it is a simple being. It do the magic* Sheepy: Bedi: You can find new things that might make you happy if you see more of the world. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Not to stop you, but that is a book. It has less sentience than Lumi. Sheepy: Bedi: Really? It seems to understand somewhat. It seems nice. Sheepy: Bedi: We should bring it along so nobody kills it. At least give it a chance. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I am not stopping you, but that is the last enemy. Please make a decision soon. Sheepy: Bedi: I apologize. Sheepy: Bedi: *he gently takes the book* Arsé-kun: *The book does not understand this gesture. Bedi takes some damage.* Sheepy: Bedi: Ugh! Sheepy: Bedi: Nono, I'm not trying to hurt you. If you stay here someone will. Arsé-kun: *The book doesn't do anything. It takes time to recharge* Sheepy: Bedi: You're safe with me. *he puts his hands out* Arsé-kun: *Bedi befriends a book while, elsewhere, Acu does no such thing. He is loaded with pages holy shit* Sheepy: *acu the book murderer...* Sheepy: Bedi: I am ready now. Sheepy: Eiji: Good. Arsé-kun: *They move on and resume farming. Gain an entire book as loot. Good luck sneaking THAT past security* Sheepy: *I believe in them* Arsé-kun: *The farmi-I mean, the training goes on to the 30 ap node, then the 40. I don't know what AP is in this case. Probably a limiter so Masters dont burn out. whatever. ozy laughter increases in volume. plz. why* Sheepy: *no ozy no* Sheepy: *Eiji seems to start wearing out by the end of the 40 AP.* Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he hesitates* Master, do you want to get some blows in yourself before we call it a day? Sheepy: Eiji: I-I'd like that. Arsé-kun: Merlin: It is settled! *he turns around, and pompously trots to Eiji's side* All present, behold your Master! *he taps Eiji with his wand knife. his knife wand. his knife knife. Hero creation EX, set! Dreamlike Charisma, set!* Go get 'em, Master! Sheepy: *Eiji goes and punches the Naga!* Arsé-kun: *The naga promptly explodes- with no fanfare or warning- Into flowers. The most violent magician's trick. The naga is also in several pieces and very dead. It Was Amazing, and Merlin is cheering* Sheepy: Eiji:?! Arsé-kun: Merlin: You did it, Master!! You've still got it! *he's replaced his staff with two pompoms. merlin plz* You one shot that scaley bitch! Sheepy: Eiji: Ah...I did...! Arsé-kun: Merlin: You! Are! So strong! Sheepy: Eiji: Th-thank you...! Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he throws the pom poms, they explode like little fireworks* I can't wait to break down the command room door and brag again! Bedi, did you see that?! Did you?? *he's very happy about this development* Sheepy: Bedi: Yes, I did! How wonderful! Arsé-kun: *Dantes continues to Smug. he was right. he can now legally say "I told you so"* Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: *he dives into the flowers and throws some into the air* These were someone's organs! Sheepy: Eiji: Um... Sheepy: Eiji:...really? Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: I don't know!! Sheepy: Eiji: Ah... Sheepy: Eiji: I think I-I'm done for to...today. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yes, of course. Would you prefer assistance? Sheepy: Eiji: N-no, I think I'm...I'm fine. Sheepy: Eiji: Th-thank you for your help. Sheepy: Eiji: Um...Count. Arsé-kun: Dantes: You need to thank me? How much did I do, truly? Sheepy: Eiji: Well, um, you showed...showed up. Sheepy: Eiji: And the things you said, um... Sheepy: Eiji: They're helpful. Arsé-kun: *Dantes just tilts his head back, like he's going to laugh, but does not. Smug intensifies* Sheepy: *Eiji hesitantly also looks up...* Arsé-kun: *Nothing unusual here, folks!* Sheepy: Eiji: ...Um? Arsé-kun: Merlin: He's radiating smug bastard energy! I should know, I'm a smug bastard! Sheepy: Eiji: O-oh... I know, the bird must've al-already left, huh? Arsé-kun: *Mini Cu gets unceremoniously tossed up into the air. Now that's a bird™* Sheepy: Eiji: ?! Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: I'm a bird! Sheepy: Eiji: Wh-what!? Arsé-kun: *Mini Cu, as all things do, comes back down and lands on his butt.* Sheepy: *Eiji goes and scoops him up* Arsé-kun: *Mini Cu Likes This* Sheepy: Eiji: Are you okay? Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: I'm okay! Sheepy: Eiji: Good, good.. Arsé-kun: *Acu, despite his bulk and large tail, has been hidden and watching all of this for a while. He's... Actually kind of impressed, not that he'll ever admit it* Sheepy: Bedi: Ah...Count. So let's say he wants to get vengeance. How would he contact you? Arsé-kun: Dantes: Just make the wizard do it. Sheepy: Bedi: Why? Arsé-kun: Dantes: No sense going on a goose chase when he already knows how. Sheepy: Bedi: You're right here. Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... What are you getting at? Sheepy: Bedi: I can ask you rather than asking him. Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... That is not how I meant it. Sheepy: Bedi: I apologize. I do not understand the purpose of asking him. Arsé-kun: Dantes: I was referring to how he is able to locate one faster than others. If I am not physically present, he is fastest. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh...I see. Sheepy: Bedi: But... Sheepy: Bedi: Don't you think some way to contact you would be helpful? Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... If you just want a phone number, just say so. Sheepy: Bedi: Can I really just ask for someone's phone number, Merlin? Just like that? Isn't that how you make people hate you? Sheepy: Bedi:.....?! Sheepy: Bedi: The Count has a phone...? Arsé-kun: Dantes: I did not say "My" number. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh...I see! You'll be giving us a fake phone number to reject us without saying so! Sheepy: Bedi: I hear from Yan Qing that he has this problem regularly. Sheepy: Bedi:...Ah? Wait, the Count...doesn't have a phone? I see.. This confirms my suspicions. Arsé-kun: *Dantes decides to stop correcting him. It's more amusing this way* Sheepy: Bedi: The Count...is a vampire, like on Sesame Street. Sheepy: Bedi: Of course he would know many phone numbers. The Count likes to count. Arsé-kun: Dantes: I am going to take revenge on you for the innocent brain cells you've slaughtered to make that sentence. Sheepy: Bedi: Hm? Sheepy: Bedi: How do we call you then, now that I think of it? Sheepy: Bedi: Ah. I know. Master Eiji does not have an Avenger yet. Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... .... Pardon? Sheepy: Bedi: Master Eiji does not have an Avenger yet. Arsé-kun: *Dantes does not have an answer to this* Sheepy: Bedi: And if Master Eiji chooses not to get revenge, well... Sheepy: Bedi: There is someone who lives with us who reminds me of you. Sheepy: Bedi: Actually, he has the same sort of smell (feel) as Merlin. Sheepy: Eiji: S-so he used Fe...Febreeze on himself? Arsé-kun: Merlin: I only did that once! Sheepy: Bedi: But he has the same dodgy attitude that you do. Arsé-kun: Dantes: .... ..... *he appears thoughtful* Arsé-kun: Dantes: You refer to the detective, yes? He is even shadier than I am at times. Sheepy: Bedi: Yes. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Interesting. Sheepy: Bedi: Occasionally another Avenger visits too. Sheepy: Bedi: A premature gray man! Sheepy: Eiji: Ah...th-that's me... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Master, you're not an Avenger! Sheepy: Eiji: Oh? Oh..n-no, I thought...nevermind. Arsé-kun: Merlin: And you might be a bit gray, but I'm stark white! Sheepy: Eiji:...B-but...how do I...how do I put this... Sheepy: Eiji: you...aged r-really well. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I got that from my dad! Sheepy: Eiji: Yes... Sheepy: Bedi: I might not look it but physically I am in my thirties or forties. *pride* Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: I'm baby! Sheepy: Bedi: Yes. Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 1 Arsé-kun: *Acu goes to get out of hiding, and promptly gets his foot caught in some weeds. Goodbye, Alter Cu, have a nice fall. Don't forget to be loud on landing* Sheepy: Bedi:?! *he draws his sword and turns to Acu* Sheepy: Bedi: Ah...you scared me. Arsé-kun: Acu: Just you? Disappointing. Sheepy: Eiji: *he goes to help Acu up* Sheepy: Eiji: Are you alright? Arsé-kun: Acu: Unfortunately, I'll live through it. *he isn't happy about it, but he accepts the help up* The pharaoh already left. Had he still been here, I'd have strangled him. Sheepy: Eiji: Ah...thank you. ... I mean... Sheepy: Eiji:....um... Sheepy: Eiji: H-he's...my wife's Servant...so, uh...be gentle... Arsé-kun: Acu: Absolutely not. Sheepy: Eiji: Please? Arsé-kun: Acu: I'll think about it. Sheepy: Eiji: Thank you. Arsé-kun: *Dantes, meanwhile, is still considering Bedi's offer. He's looking to Eiji for confirmation, but playing it off all cool.* Sheepy: Bedi: So? What do you think? Arsé-kun: Dantes: I think a decision such as this is best made by the Master in question. Sheepy: Eiji: Ah?...um, If y-you'd like to join...um...I'd like, like to have you. Sheepy: Eiji:...B-but you (hopefully) have a life here. Sheepy: Eiji: So I won't make you. Arsé-kun: *Acu is glaring at Dantes. Mini Cu is far less intimidating. Caster isn't even here.* Sheepy: Eiji: So...? Arsé-kun: Dantes: In all honesty? Most of those I associated with have already left. There isn't much here for me. Sheepy: Eiji: I see... Sheepy: Eiji: So you can join us. Arsé-kun: Dantes: I suppose I could. Just don't drag me into anything too absurd. Sheepy: Eiji: D-don't worry, I won't. Arsé-kun: Merlin: No guarantees here though! Sheepy: Bedi: So you're only particular about where you're dragged? Not how? So even by the collar? Arsé-kun: Dantes: That is not nearly the worst way to be dragged. Sheepy: Bedi: That is true. Sheepy: Eiji: B-but just a warning...um... Sheepy: Eiji: My, uh, s-son- he, uh, is very quick to try, try to be...befriend Servants. P-please don't mind him. Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... The bad nicknames child? I suppose I will survive. Sheepy: Eiji: Yes. Sheepy: Eiji: It's normal. H-he does it to everyone....except me.... Arsé-kun: *skiiiip bc im bad at writing in-betweens* Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. You’re back. Arsé-kun: Merlin: We are! Have I ever told you Eiji can punch out a naga?? He can! *BRAGGING* Sheepy: Satoru: That’s great. Sheepy: Satoru: ...... Sheepy: Satoru: I don’t know what that is. Sheepy: Satoru: But I’m sure it’s great, so I will clap. *clap. clap. clap.* Arsé-kun: Merlin: Here, I'll show you! *and he turns himself into a naga, just for a moment. It's an illusion but shush* Sheepy: Satoru: Aaaaaa. A snake. Scary. Arsé-kun: Acu: Not really. *and he just dumps the naga remain on the entrance mat . It's someone else's problem now* Sheepy: Satoru: ..... Sheepy: Satoru: *he begins to approach it* Sheepy: Eiji: nononono Sheepy: Satoru: *he’s gonna touch it* Arsé-kun: *background medusa looking moderately offended by this display* Sheepy: *Bedi enters and looks down just as he trips and falls over the dead Naga* Arsé-kun: Merlin: Are you okay?? Sheepy: Satoru: Welcome home. We added new furniture. Sheepy: Bedi: Ah... I’m fine, I didn’t feel it. Sheepy: Satoru: We got a new lamp. Sheepy: Satoru: Don’t mind it. It’s shy. Sheepy: Satoru: We also got a new welcome mat. Sheepy: Satoru: Don’t mind it. It’s friendly. Arsé-kun: Merlin: No one wants this here. *he prods it towards the door with his staff* It was filthy. Sheepy: Satoru: Filthy? Sheepy: Satoru: All the more reason to touch it. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Just not the inside. It had organs at one point. Sheepy: Satoru: You had organs at one point too. Are you filthy? Arsé-kun: Merlin: I wasn't torn in half! Sheepy: Satoru: Really... Sheepy: Satoru: *he goes to touch it. Bedi scoops him up. no* Arsé-kun: *Dantes finally moves into the light, just to take the snake by the tail and throw it outside. Disgusting.* Sheepy: Satoru: Our lamp moved. Sheepy: Eiji: S-Satoru, that’s, um... Sheepy: Satoru: You seem familiar. Have I seen you around the house? Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... Once. You referred to me with an insulting name. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sorry. Sheepy: Satoru: It’s nice to meet you again, Mr. Uninsulting name. Arsé-kun: Dantes: *why* Sheepy: Satoru: That’s too long. Sheepy: Satoru: I’ll call you... Sheepy: Eiji: by his name? Sheepy: Satoru: He has one of those? Sheepy: Satoru: What’s your name? Arsé-kun: Dantes: The Count of Monte Cristo. Sheepy: Satoru: .... Sheepy: Satoru: *stare* Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Monty. Sheepy: Eiji: Y-you can call him Count... Sheepy: Satoru: ... Sheepy: Satoru: Why? Sheepy: Satoru: Are his counting skills so great that he must brag of them? Sheepy: Satoru: He’d like Grandpa. Sheepy: Satoru: You were an early consideration of mine because poisoning Masanori seemed like a potential solution. Sheepy: Satoru: ...But I went with Dad because his methods seemed more...unlikely to fail. Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: Can you say that in baby words? Sheepy: Satoru: Why? Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: I'm baby. Sheepy: Satoru: Vampires solve problems fast. Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: Oh okay! Arsé-kun: Dantes: *that was incredibly ominous and he approves entirely* Sheepy: Eiji: P-please don't poi...poison people you don't like. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Reserve that for those who truly deserve it. Sheepy: Bedi: The only time it's socially acceptable is when you accidentally undercook your turkey for Christmas dinner. Arsé-kun: Merlin: dont remind me Sheepy: Bedi: I apologize. Somehow I did not become sick from it. Sheepy: Bedi:...I find it funny in retrospect because of that. Sheepy: Satoru: Who truly deserves it? Arsé-kun: Dantes: Those who completely and intentionally ruin the lives of others. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Let's poison Masanori. Sheepy: Eiji: S-Satoru, no! Sheepy: Satoru: You won't let me touch dead bodies or make people I dislike disappear. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh? You can make people disappear? How talented! Just like a magician! Sheepy: Satoru: *he gently pats Bedi's face* Alakazam. Now you've disappeared. Sheepy: Bedi: Ah! Incredible! Sheepy: Satoru: Where did you go? I can't see you anymore. Sheepy: Bedi: Wow, incredible! Sheepy: Satoru: Lobo is magical too. He can make your food disappear the second your back turns. Sheepy: Satoru: Can you do anything like that, Count? Arsé-kun: Dantes: Perhaps! Sheepy: Satoru: So vague. I don't know your capabilities so your possibilities are truly endless. Sheepy: Satoru: My name is Satoru. Sheepy: Satoru: This is Uncle Bedi. He's a knight of the round table. Arsé-kun: Dantes: So I have heard. Sheepy: Satoru: Sometimes when I can't sleep I come downstairs and find him weeping as quietly as he can. So don't come downstairs at night. Sheepy: Bedi: Thanks, Satoru. Sheepy: Satoru: Yes. Sheepy: Satoru: You'll bother him. Crying is a natural process, I hear. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I can confirm this. Sheepy: Satoru: It's supposed to make you feel better. Sheepy: Satoru: I wouldn't know. I've never cried. Sheepy: Satoru: By the way, don't leave the trash out. Sheepy: Satoru: I adopted what I thought to be a raccoon but was actually a grungy man with a violence streak eating out of our trash. Sheepy: Satoru: That's all you need to know to live here. Sheepy: Satoru: If you really want to deal with trash without worrying about Lobo you can feed it to our table. Sheepy: Bedi: I think that's enough introduction for now, Satoru... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yes, about that. Why do you have a mimic to begin with? Sheepy: Satoru: What? A mimic? Sheepy: Satoru: What's a mimic? Sheepy: Satoru: Oh, I guess I should answee your question. Sheepy: Satoru: Our table knocked on the door and I invited it in. Sheepy: Satoru: I told it that we needed a table because our last one broke thanks to Kintoki. Sheepy: Satoru: Now it lives here. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's fair enough. *it's not, and he's visibly surprised* Sheepy: Satoru: Kintoki worries it'll eat us without a tablecloth but it actually prefers leftovers. Sheepy: Satoru: It doesn't talk very much. But that's okay. I understand without it needing to speak. A contract between a table and a human transcends language. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Very interesting. Thank you for sharing. Sheepy: Satoru: You're welcome. Sheepy: Satoru: So what's a mimic? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Exactly what it sounds like. A creature that mimics everyday objects. Sheepy: Satoru: He was imitating a lamp. Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he just sighs and lets it go* Sheepy: *Lobo is watching Dantes* Arsé-kun: *Dantes is wary- What is the wolf king going to do?* Sheepy: Lobo: *he comes over and sniffs at Dantes* Arsé-kun: Dantes: .... *he stays still and lets this happen* Sheepy: *Lobo decides that Dantes is acceptable and sits down* Arsé-kun: Dantes: *he's still wary. He can't just get vengeance on a wolf if it does anything- That classifies as Animal Abuse, according to the good doctor* Sheepy: Satoru: That's Lobo. Sheepy: Satoru: He eats people sometimes. Arsé-kun: Dantes: I see... Sheepy: Satoru: He's an Avenger so he hates many people. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Then we shall get along swimmingly. Sheepy: Satoru: That's nice. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Now, then. Where is the Detective? I have... Statements, to deliver. Sheepy: Satoru: Holmes? Sheepy: Satoru: Probably with Grandpa if he isn't alone. Sheepy: Bedi: Sir Holmes smells like a pipe usually so if you have a super strong sense of smell you can find him. Sheepy: Bedi:...Or ask Lobo. Arsé-kun: Dantes: *he looks up to Lobo* Wolf King, will you be of assistance? Sheepy: Lobo: *he turns, sniffs around, and then starts slowly walking away. upon entering the doorway he stops to look at Dantes. seems like that's a yes* Arsé-kun: Dantes: Fantastic. Let us go, fellow Avenger! Sheepy: *Lobo leads Dantes to Holmes* Arsé-kun: *Dantes pets Lobo. Thank You Wolf King* Sheepy: *Lobo is pleased!* Arsé-kun: *Dantes strolls in, with full intentions to do a Frighten* Sheepy: Holmes: *he doesn't turn to face Dantes* Ah, my friend. Come in. One moment. *he puts some documents away and faces Dantes* Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... You bastard. I'll get you one of these days. *he doesn't really look frustrated, though* Sheepy: Holmes: I'd like to see that. Arsé-kun: Dantes: As would I, but it hasn't seemed to happen yet. Sheepy: Holmes: It's good to see you again. Sheepy: *Lobo is glaring at Holmes from the doorway* Arsé-kun: *One of Holmes' magnifiers waves to Lobo* Sheepy: Holmes: How are you? Arsé-kun: Dantes: Wiped, but otherwise surviving. Sheepy: Holmes: Understandable. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Spent the day in Caster farming, and had to deal with Her. Kicked my ass. Sheepy: Holmes: What brings you here? Arsé-kun: Dantes: How about you tell me? Sheepy: Holmes: Trying to get away from her? Arsé-kun: Dantes: That's a given, but there is more to it. Sheepy: Holmes: Hm... Sheepy: Holmes: Unfortunately, I've been holed up in my room all day so the goings-on outside of my room are hazy at best. Sheepy: Holmes:...But I assume you made a contract with someone within the household. Specifically Eiji. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Why him, may I ask? Sheepy: Holmes: Minako would have probably barged in and told me. Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... My not knowing who that is confirms it. Sheepy: Holmes: Satoru seems to have lost interest in summoning new family members. Sheepy: Holmes: Sakura has no interest in summoning Servants, it seems. So that leaves Eiji. Arsé-kun: Dantes: And you would be correct. Sheepy: Holmes: Well! Isn't that great! Arsé-kun: Dantes: Horrible, I know. You'll have to deal with me in the morning. Arsé-kun: Dantes: I WILL laugh in your room if you don't get up. Sheepy: Holmes: Terrible. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Thank you for noticing. Sheepy: Holmes: I work late into the night and this is the thanks I get? Arsé-kun: Dantes: If it keeps me awake, I WILL retaliate. Sheepy: Holmes: Unless we're roommates it shouldn't. Arsé-kun: Dantes: I wouldn't want to step on evidence and get hell for it. Sheepy: Holmes: Hmm...well, the offer still stands if you don't find a room you want. Arsé-kun: Dantes: How oddly kind of you, Detective. Sheepy: Holmes: You'll be safe of Lobo trying to sleep near you in here. Everywhere else, however ... Sheepy: *Lobo is still glaring from the doorway* Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... He did lead me to you, so I cannot condemn him entirely. Sheepy: Holmes: He can go through walls and become invisible. Arsé-kun: Dantes: That's much more concerning. And where is the rest of him? Sheepy: Holmes: I haven't a clue. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Horrible. I shall have to guard my neck. Sheepy: Holmes: Hopefully not. They're fairly relaxed here. But this room is one he won't enter so it's guaranteed restful. Sheepy: Lobo: *glaaaaaare....* Arsé-kun: Dantes: I certainly wonder why. Sheepy: Holmes: He hates me. Arsé-kun: Dantes: I see this. You are human, after all. Or there is more, of course, but that is not my business. Sheepy: Holmes: Hm. I don't know what it is. I don't understand animals very well. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Fine. But expect me to have figured it out by the new year. Sheepy: Holmes: I won't be surprised! Sheepy: Holmes: Good luck. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Thank you. Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, right. A few people cook. Sheepy: Holmes: Stay nice to them. Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... I will remember that. Sheepy: Holmes: It’s important. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Well, do me a favor and- *he takes off and flings his cape at Holmes, before setting his hat down*- Wake me up when dinner is being served. Fail to and I'll dump you into a well. Arsé-kun: *And, because he is still totally wiped, Dantes decides to inflict an unusual punishment- He's going to sleep on your goddamn bed and you cannot stop him.* Arsé-kun: *ok its not really a punishment bc holmes didnt do anything wrong but* Arsé-kun: *listen shut up* Sheepy: *Holmes doesn't use his bed very often anyway!* Arsé-kun: *Unfortunately, it does not last as long as Dantes had hoped. He gets woken up by a various cacophony of Berserker screams, Avenger shouts, Lobo howling and snarling, and Merlin yelling. He is... Disoriented, to say the least.* Arsé-kun: Mozart: ---To get Lobo's bear traps off. We warned them about this! Sheepy: Lobo: *whiiiine, snarl* Sheepy: Holmes: They could not have put him to sleep or something...? Arsé-kun: Mozart: That's what Vlad said, but nope! Arsé-kun: *Dantes is staying very still. Whether it's because he's being "stealthy", unable to do anything, or just not ready to move yet is unknown. I say this because I haven't decided either* Sheepy: Holmes: He probably wouldn't accept any shots or anything like it, however, so that wouldn't work. Sheepy: Holmes: Maybe command seal use. Arsé-kun: Mozart: Can wolves drink alcohol? Sheepy: Holmes: I don't know. Sheepy: Holmes: Maybe? Sheepy: Holmes: But a command spell is guarantee to work maybe... Sheepy: Holmes:...maybe. Arsé-kun: Mozart: And that requires Satoru to use one actively. Sheepy: Holmes: Unfortunate. Arsé-kun: *If Dantes moves slowly enough, no one will noticeeeee* Sheepy: Holmes: Ah, you're up. Arsé-kun: Dantes: *SHOOT* ... Unfortunately, yes.... What on Earth is happening down there? A murder? Sheepy: Holmes: Lobo is upset. Sorry that he woke you. Sheepy: Holmes: They're trying to remove his bear traps. Sheepy: Holmes: Animals don't always understand that so he only recognizes that they're presently hurting him, not that it'll help him later. Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... That makes sense... They cannot muzzle the beast? Sheepy: Holmes: I don't think they've thought of it. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Damn them.. Sheepy: Holmes: Perhaps they could? Arsé-kun: Mozart: Far too late now! They'd be a pile of shit and death by the time Lobo's done with them! Sheepy: Holmes: Too bad. Arsé-kun: *it's just a lot of screaming downstairs. not a big shocker* Sheepy: Holmes: Should we do something? Arsé-kun: Mozart: I would like to, but the noise is too much! Sheepy: Holmes: Hmmm... Sheepy: Holmes: I'm mor of an armchair detective. Arsé-kun: Mozart: Then hit them with the armchair? Sheepy: Holmes:...And anyway I'm weak to Avengers. Arsé-kun: Dantes: .... Sucks to suck, doesn't it? Sheepy: Holmes: Hmhm... Sheepy: Holmes: How unfortunate. It seems you have to do my dirty work for me. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Oh, bugger. Sheepy: Holmes: Good luck. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Just wait and hope I come back alive. Sheepy: Holmes: I will. Arsé-kun: *And so, Dantes very unenthusiastically goes to see what the hell is all that mess. He doesn't want to, but his friend asked, and now he has to!* Sheepy: *Lobo is throwing a fit and snapping at anyone who comes close to him!* Arsé-kun: *Merlin, having gotten bloodied, has wisely stepped out of this and Lancelot, being the dumb twink himbo-adjacent that he is, did not and is questionably dead on the floor. Angra is also questionably dead with an empty peanut butter jar.* Arsé-kun: Dantes: .... *he observes. His go-to strat is not to brazenly intervene, but at this rate he might have to.* Sheepy: Lobo: *whine* Arsé-kun: *Dantes breaks into a laugh to introduce his presence. Kuhahaha, the edgiest is here!* Arsé-kun: Dantes: Shinjuku Avenger, I was under the impression you were better than this. Is the sin of Wrath what you yourself embody? Or are you just afraid? Sheepy: Lobo: *he glares and backs up a bit, trembling while trying to make himself look bigger than he actually is* Arsé-kun: Dantes: You shake as if you have done something wrong to me. You are an Avenger, and they are only humanoids who ignored your warning! You did as your nature dictates! Sheepy: Lobo:.....! Sheepy: Lobo:....... Arsé-kun: Dantes: ......... Sheepy: Lobo: *he stops shaking but remains in a defensive position* Sheepy: *Lobo hesitantly sits down, eyeing Dantes carefully* Arsé-kun: *Dantes pulls up a chair, completely ignoring Merlin- Hitting the wizard with the chair on the way- and seating himself. See? Nothing.* Sheepy: Lobo:...... Sheepy: Satoru: I understand why he's upset. Arsé-kun: Dantes: It's quite obvious. His will and personal space were both violated, despite the warning. Sheepy: Satoru: His mistakes became his identity. Trying to strip him of that is wrong. Arsé-kun: Dantes: And his retaliation was as swift and brutal as it needed to be. Sheepy: Satoru: Because until he makes a new identity for himself, what is he?...And also it's probably painful to have those pulled on. Sheepy: Lobo: *boof* Arsé-kun: Dantes: It certainly is, I can assure you from first-hand experience. Having his fur caught in such a way would only enhance the pain. Sheepy: Satoru: One time I got my finger caught in the fridge door. I imagine it being like that but pointy and constant. Arsé-kun: Dantes: That certainly is a way to put it. Sheepy: Satoru: I didn't cry. Arsé-kun: Dantes: You are certainly brave for a boy so young. You have the bravery of a man many times your age, and I applaud that. Sheepy: Satoru: I'm twelve. Sheepy: Satoru: I'm older than the average child. Arsé-kun: Merlin: The average child is nine. Sheepy: Satoru: I'm 3 years older than the average child. Sheepy: Satoru: Lobo might be older than the average child. He doesn't know. Arsé-kun: Merlin: What an advanced child you are. *he seats himself among all the blood on the floor. Nothing unusual for an incubus, really* Perhaps he is. Sheepy: *Lobo looks over. he was mentioned? does weird mostly hairless puppy need him?* Sheepy: Satoru: Were you ever nine? Arsé-kun: Merlin: At some point! I don't really remember much from back then, but I must have been! Sheepy: Satoru: Did you have white hair then too? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yep! I had to keep it covered because it was "Weird" but I showed them! By taking off my hood anyway. Sheepy: Satoru: You had old man hair at age nine.... Arsé-kun: Merlin: I must have been old at birth! Sheepy: Satoru: it's like premature graying out of the womb. Arsé-kun: *Dantes staring at them with his own head of white hair* Sheepy: Satoru: Were you born old too, Count? Arsé-kun: Dantes: As the Count, yes. Sheepy: Satoru: Wow. Sheepy: Satoru: Make sure to remember your birthday. Sheepy: Satoru: It'd be awkward to become a baby during a meeting. Arsé-kun: Dantes: For what? What does a reminder of one's mortality serve-- Ah. Sheepy: Satoru: Like Benjamin Button. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Curious man, that was! Did you know some myths say I was like him! I think that's cool. Sheepy: Satoru: How would anyone take care of a baby the size of an adult? Sheepy: Satoru: He can't go to kindergarten. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Carefully. Sheepy: Satoru: He'll be made fun of. Sheepy: Satoru: But maybe... Sheepy: Satoru: Maybe the Count is like that gray man. He's not actually old, just stressed. Arsé-kun: *Dantes pointedly stares at the hallway. He will not give his input.* Sheepy: Satoru: You should meet the gray man. He's nice. Arsé-kun: Dantes: We have met numerous times before. Sheepy: Satoru: Sometimes he tries to kill Uncle Mozzy. Sheepy: Satoru: Everyone's flawed, I suppose. Arsé-kun: Dantes: That is simply how he is. Sheepy: Satoru: Yes. Sheepy: Lobo: *he seems to be relaxing...* Sheepy: Satoru: You seem nice. I like you. Arsé-kun: *Dantes just smirks. He knows that is bullshit, he is not nice,* Sheepy: Satoru: Is that funny? Is it a joke? Sheepy: Satoru:.............. Sheepy: Satoru: Ha. Ha. Ha. Arsé-kun: Dantes: I am an Avenger. What may seem nice to you may only be restraint. Sheepy: Satoru: It's okay. Sheepy: Satoru: I don't mind why you're nice. Sheepy: Satoru: I like it when people are nice to me. It can be because you want to backstab me. It won't bother me too much. I'm used to betrayal. Arsé-kun: Angra: gosh what a goddamn mood Sheepy: Satoru: What is a "mood"? Arsé-kun: Merlin: He can relate. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: I'll be nice to you more often then. Sheepy: Satoru: *he puts his arms out* Arsé-kun: *Angra drags himself up, abuses spirit form to clean off all the blood, and goes in for the Free Hug!* Sheepy: *Satoru gives Angra a hug!* Arsé-kun: *Angra likes this!! He never gets this!* Sheepy: Satoru: Are you feeling better? I can't heal you from your injuries because I don't know how to yet but hopefully this helps. Arsé-kun: Angra: I've been emotionally healed, Master, thank you! Sheepy: Satoru: That's good. Sheepy: Satoru: Did you know? Feeling sad will make you feel sick. Arsé-kun: Angra: That's not good for you, Master! I don't recommend it! It feels terribly bad, even if it's free food for me! Sheepy: Satoru: Yes. I was going to recommend the same to you. Sheepy: Satoru: Do you want one too, Count? Arsé-kun: Dantes: What use would I have for a mere gesture? *yes he does* It would only immobilize me for the time being. *he won't admit it* Sheepy: Satoru:..... Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: Angra: Fuck that! Here, I'll help you! *he lunches at Dantes, and gets flicked away. Nope* Sheepy: Satoru: Oh, you're flying. So talented. Sheepy: Satoru: Then do you want one, Uncle Merlin? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Always!! *he pulls off his bloody cape and throws it aside. No need to spread that around!* Sheepy: Satoru: *he hugs Merlin* Arsé-kun: *Merlin has been fed for the next week, like an emotion snake. Feels good man* Sheepy: Lobo: *snore* Arsé-kun: *Merlin considers trying again, but he wants to be in the future where he's alive* Sheepy: Satoru: Sometimes when I'm tired I lie on the floor facedown and go to sleep. Sheepy: Satoru: Lobo must be having one of those days too. Arsé-kun: Angra: I, too, appreciate an escape from pain the moment it's available! Sheepy: Satoru: Do you use an airplane? By foot? A car? Arsé-kun: Angra: Those too! Sheepy: Satoru: How else do you escape Spain? Arsé-kun: Angra: Pain! I said pain! Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. Sheepy: Satoru: Where is Pain? Sheepy: Satoru: Is it in France? Arsé-kun: Angra: Here it is! *he pinches Satoru's cheek* There it is! Sheepy: Satoru: Those are my cheeks. Sheepy: Satoru: I have two of them. Arsé-kun: Angra: If only I could ignore pain like that, goddamn. Sheepy: Satoru: It's okay. Sheepy: Satoru: I've felt worse. Sheepy: Satoru: When it's bad enough I just go to sleep on the floor. Arsé-kun: Angra: Yeah, so have we Avengers, and then we kill them for it! Hey Master, lets commit a murder! Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: Where do we get them? Arsé-kun: Angra: In the weapon section of your regular supermarket~ Sheepy: Satoru:...They- They stock crows in the weapon section of our regular supermarket? Sheepy: Satoru:...I see... Arsé-kun: Angra: What, they don't do that anymore?? Sheepy: Satoru: ..I am that close to owning a crow. Sheepy: Satoru:...Ah, but going out is terrible... Sheepy: Satoru: I'd rather stay home and lead a sad, crowless life. Sheepy: Satoru: Did you know that crows can imitate words? Arsé-kun: Angra: No! That's fantastic. Sheepy: Satoru: They can say more human words than Lobo. Arsé-kun: *Vlad is peering in. It's obviously breakfast for him, but he won't interrupt. He will Patiently Wait out Here* Sheepy: Satoru: Dad? Do you want a hug? Arsé-kun: Vlad: ... Well, I will not deny you. Sheepy: Satoru: *he goes and hugs Vlad* Sheepy: Satoru: Were you woken up by Lobo? Arsé-kun: Vlad: Yes. What was that about? Sheepy: Satoru: They tried to remove his bear traps. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Ah. Understandable, but I do hope someone is willing to clean it up. Sheepy: Satoru: Me too. Sheepy: Satoru: It's dirty. Arsé-kun: Angra: It's atmospheric! Ah, the smell of murder in the evening! Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: It's stinky. Arsé-kun: Angra: You do you! Sheepy: Satoru: I'm not stinky. Arsé-kun: Angra: Not what I was saying, but okay! Arsé-kun: Angra: It's my blood, partially, I'll sponge it up with my pants as punishment! Sheepy: Satoru:.... Sheepy: Satoru: *squint* Arsé-kun: Angra: What? Is there somethin' on my face? Sheepy: Satoru: Like, like a flat water slide? Sheepy: Satoru: You're going to slide across your own blood on your butt? Or on your stomach? Either one works for a slip n' slide. Arsé-kun: Angra: That sounds a lot more fun! Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Have fun. Sheepy: Guin: *she walks in without looking around* Lance have you- *...only to notice the mess...*.... Arsé-kun: Angra: Hello, we're very bad at listening to instructions! Sheepy: Guin: What happened? Arsé-kun: Angra: We tried to pry off a bear trap. I thought he could make it act like a chain chomp, but apparently it doesn't work that way! Who knew? Sheepy: Satoru: We're going to use it as a slip n slide. Arsé-kun: Angra: Hell yeah we are! Sheepy: Guin: No, no you aren't! Arsé-kun: Angra: I'm already three bad decisions deep! Sheepy: Guin: Is the third one leaving Lance dead on the floor? Arsé-kun: Angra: Surprisingly, no! That one was a request! Sheepy: Guin: What? Why? Arsé-kun: Angra: Fuck if I know! Arsé-kun: *Angra goes to rockstar slide across the floor, and barely passes Dantes- Who grabs the back of his head and flips him onto his back. No. Denied.* Sheepy: Satoru: Oh, that's a new one. Arsé-kun: Lance: ....? *new fone who dis? He's seen them maybe once?* Sheepy: Satoru: Uncle Lance is returning to the land of the living. Arsé-kun: Lance: Ssss... Sadlyyy, yes. Sheepy: Satoru: It makes me happy. Arsé-kun: Lance: .... Oookay, that'ssss twooo... Sheepy: Satoru: Two what? Arsé-kun: Lance: .... Don'worry about it.. Sheepy: Satoru: That's what people say when I should worry. Arsé-kun: Lance: .... .... I guessss. Sheepy: Guin: Lance, are you alright? Arsé-kun: Lance: .... *he gestures silently for a moment and 'hmmm's* Brain work like small potato. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh, we can go get a new one for you. Sheepy: Satoru: Take out the old, put in the new. Sheepy: Satoru: Victor Frankenstein didn't need a medical license to replace a man's brain and nor do I. Arsé-kun: Lance: Concern! Sheepy: Satoru: Not for long. Sheepy: Satoru:...... Sheepy: Satoru: Ha. Ha. Ha. Arsé-kun: Lance: P-Pourquooiii?? Sheepy: Satoru: It's a joke. Sheepy: Satoru: Is it funny? Arsé-kun: *There's a solid nine seconds of silence before Dantes busts out laughing.* Sheepy: Satoru: .... Sheepy: Satoru: Ha. Ha. Ha. Arsé-kun: Angra: Boss, you sound like a sci-fi original series robot from a 1970's flick! Sheepy: Satoru:... Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: Angra: Okay! I think it's neat. Sheepy: Satoru: I tried... Arsé-kun: Dantes: The best you can is certainly enough, do not let others tell you otherwise! Destroy them! Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: I'll keep trying. Sheepy: Satoru: One day it'll sound legitimate. Sheepy: Satoru: When that day comes it'll come from my heart. Not from my brain. But when that day comes I'll have to go to the doctor because my heart is laughing. Okay? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Hopefully it'll come from your vocal cords! Sheepy: Satoru: It already does and it doesn't sound right. Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he CONSIDERS stepping in, but quickly reconsiders* You'll get there! Sheepy: *Guin has begun cleaning up* Arsé-kun: *Lance drags himself up to help her. Angra cleans off one spot of the floor with his bandanna and puts it back on. classy* Sheepy: Satoru: When? Arsé-kun: Merlin: I can't say, that's a spoiler! Sheepy: Satoru: A spoiler, huh? Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Spoil me at your own risk. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Absolutely not! Sheepy: Satoru: If you do I'll get angry. I'll try, I'll really try. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Iiiiiis that a promise? Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: Merlin: It'll happen some time in the future. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: Now look at me and consider me angry. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Oooooo, I'm very afraid! What will Angry Satoru do? Sheepy: *Satoru is completely unchanged from his usual expressionless self...* Sheepy: Satoru: An evil mastermind doesn't reveal his hand. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I'm in suspense! Sheepy: *Satoru sits on Merlin...* Sheepy: Satoru: I'll use you as a chair. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Welp, I'm now trapped! Sheepy: Satoru: Because I'm angry. Arsé-kun: Angra: No talk, me angy Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sorry. Arsé-kun: Angra: No, not... Awh, forget it! Sheepy: Satoru: That's what adults say when I'm incapable of understanding them. Sheepy: Satoru: Their words are an enigma, an insolvable puzzle. ...And yet. Arsé-kun: Angra: It was just a meme, sheesh. Sheepy: Satoru: What's a meme? Arsé-kun: *Merlin and Angra exchange a look of glee before Merlin takes out his phone. oh no. we learnin' about memes tonight kid* Sheepy: Satoru: Ah. I stepped into your trap. I am a fool. Arsé-kun: Angra: You've activated my trap card! Now we gotta explain memes! Sheepy: Satoru: Terrible, terrible. Arsé-kun: *And so, Angra cheerfully explains a few child-friendly memes while Merlin provides images. Everyone else cleans up. Except Lobo. Of course.* Sheepy: Satoru: I see... Sheepy: Satoru:...so... Sheepy: Satoru: A "boomer" is someone like Gil. An insult. Arsé-kun: Angra: I think You-Know-Who is a bit closer to that age, but sure! See how Gil reacts to that! Sheepy: Satoru: Really? Arsé-kun: Angra: Do you think anything I say is a good idea? Sheepy: Satoru: I trust you. Arsé-kun: Angra: Terrible idea, zero out of ten, I am a dumbass and a scoundrel! Sheepy: Satoru: You're nice so you wouldn't make me do something bad out of your own amusement. Arsé-kun: Angra: I.... .... Damn gen Z'ers! Sheepy: Satoru: What? Arsé-kun: *Angra now has to explain the concept of naming generations* Sheepy: Satoru: You're smart. Sheepy: Satoru: How did you learn so much? Arsé-kun: Angra: By reading memes when I'm not busy, which is most of the time!! Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: Is that how you learned them too, Uncle Merlin? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Some of it! I gotta keep up for my show! Sheepy: Satoru: Show? Sheepy: Satoru:....Ah... Sheepy: Satoru:...House of Mouse. Arsé-kun: *Angra snorts, loudly.* Arsé-kun: Merlin: Not quite, but that show was a banger! Sheepy: Satoru: No, no. Sheepy: Satoru: You hang clothes on bangers. Sheepy: Satoru:.....*thinking*.... Sheepy: Satoru:...No, those are hangers... Sheepy: Satoru: Then what is your show? Sheepy: Satoru: Is it like Gil's? Sheepy: Satoru: Will you be nice to me for publicity? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yes, it is sort of like Gil's, except less games and more work. Sheepy: Satoru: Wow. Sheepy: Satoru: Have you considered dinosaurs? I know so many dinosaurs. Sheepy: Satoru: If you talk about dinosaurs you'll be popular. Sheepy: Satoru: I talked about dinosaurs and made one friend. Sheepy: Satoru: He never came back though. That's okay. I hope he learned a lot about dinosaurs. Arsé-kun: Merlin: He'll probably be back for the holidays, don't worry. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: You won't reject me because I'm not interesting enough, right? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Of course not. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. That's good. Arsé-kun: *Vlad has taken to staring at Guin. She heard that too, right? He didn't mishear that??* Sheepy: *Guin looks back to Vlad. She's incredibly happy!* Sheepy: Satoru: I could make up facts that sound cool but that's called lying. Unless it's science fiction. Sheepy: Satoru: Then it's called psuedoscience. Arsé-kun: Angra: what if they had hair and we didn't know Sheepy: Satoru: They wouldn't know either. Sheepy: Satoru: They wouldn't recognize it. Sheepy: Satoru: It's okay. Arsé-kun: Dantes: *This is an atmosphere of Some Kind. Less chaotic than Chaldea, but not entirely domestic either. Huh. Interesting. He continues to Observe.* Sheepy: Satoru: You know some dinosaurs had multiple brains. Sheepy: Satoru: They'd bash the brains out of other dinosaurs with their brains. Arsé-kun: Angra: That's so sexy of them Sheepy: Satoru: Although recently they decided that these dinosaurs only have one. Sheepy: Satoru:.... Sheepy: Satoru:...So they're reverse Victor Frankensteins... Sheepy: Satoru: They take a preexisting thing and steal its brain. Sheepy: Satoru: Uncle Merlin would know the truth. He's old enough to have seen dinosaurs. Arsé-kun: Merlin: My father certainly was, I can say that much! Sheepy: Satoru: Your dad... Sheepy: Satoru:... Sheepy: Satoru:...was a dinosaur? Sheepy: Satoru: Ah... Sheepy: Satoru: Uncle Merlin really is the coolest... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Was old enough to see them!!! Sheepy: Satoru: He's half wizard, half dinosaur. Sheepy: Satoru: I knew you were cool, but not this cool. Incredible. Sheepy: Satoru: Did Uncle Bedi see the dinosaurs too? Sheepy: Satoru: He must be older than your dad. Sheepy: Satoru: He's the Single Father. This means that he was the original dad. Because he's the only dad in the whole wide world. Sheepy: Satoru: The single one. Arsé-kun: *Angra breaks down into hysterical laughter and Merlin just looks bewildered. He did not see THAT coming* Sheepy: Satoru: You look afraid. Sheepy: Satoru: Did you know that about him? Arsé-kun: Merlin: I am unable to give you a good response to that. How do I?! Sheepy: Satoru: Perhaps...Uncle Merlin isn't as knowledgeable as I thought. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Because I don't know one thing?? Sheepy: Satoru:...Or maybe Uncle Bedi is a cryptid that Uncle Merlin has yet to understand. Arsé-kun: Merlin: If anything, I'd be the cryptid! Sheepy: Satoru: The Single Father versus the Legendary Wizard. Sheepy: Satoru: Who will win this battle of wits? Arsé-kun: Merlin: I mean, my father's been dead for hundreds of years, so it's not really fair. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: That's understandable. Sheepy: Satoru: You can ask Uncle Bedi. I tried and he just looked horrified. To the point of silence. Sheepy: Satoru: But you..you can convince him to divulge his secrets. Arsé-kun: Merlin: How about I just use my clairvoyance and look back for myself? Sheepy: Satoru: Have you no shame? You just cheat? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Absolutely none, except when I do! Sheepy: Satoru: Maybe my ideal fiction relies on the lack of facts. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I reject your reality in favor of my own! Sheepy: Satoru: what's yours? Arsé-kun: Merlin: The same except I'm going to check without being shamed! Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Have fun. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I will!! *he turns his head to gaze at the floor. He Is Going To Check* Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: *Satoru waits.* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 5 Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 20 Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 12 Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 2 Arsé-kun: *Merlin distracts himself briefly, and has to start over. A pity. He does find exactly what he was looking for by forcing a look into the past, but he grows curious and continues back further. He sees his father's ancestors, and their ancestors, and their ancestors, and their mother Queen of the Monsters, and her brother, and his-TOO FAR, TOO FAR! He forcefully quits the vision with a short spell, but he did it faaaar too late and now his eyes feel like burning. Gee whiz.* Arsé-kun: Merlin: I can- ow- report that I have an answer--oww! *he rubs an eye* My father had ancestors, and they had ancestors, and they did too! He was not the Single Father! Sheepy: Satoru: He lied to me. Arsé-kun: Merlin: He probably did not know! Sheepy: Satoru: He said he was a single father. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's not what that means! That means Bedi just raised kids without a mother! Sheepy: Satoru: He got them from a stork? Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's what he said too!! But a succu-bus is a bit of a more accurate answer!~ Sheepy: Satoru: You're a liar. Sheepy: Satoru: Buses didn't exist back then. Arsé-kun: Merlin: It was a pun!!!! Sheepy: Satoru:..... Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: Ha. Ha. Ha. Arsé-kun: Merlin: But that's your answer. He had kids brought to him and he raised them without the mom. I was raised without a dad. Common thing back then! Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Lancelot was raised by a single mom, too! Except she's a watery twat, and- *Lancelot throws a paper towel tube at Merlin. Merlin does not see it coming. Bonk. 2 damage.* -Ouch! It's true, you know! Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: Don't use so much water next time then. Arsé-kun: *Merlin exhales hard and tries not to laugh.* Sheepy: Satoru: I have a mom and two dads. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Only one mom? Sheepy: Satoru: The other one never really interacts. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Then go interact! Sheepy: Satoru: She sleeps in her coffin most of the day. Arsé-kun: Merlin: And Vlad doesn't? Sheepy: Satoru: He does. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Well, he's up, so maybe she is too. Sheepy: Satoru: It's okay. Sheepy: Satoru: I'm 12. Sheepy: Satoru: If you want me to leave just say so. It's a pain trying to figure out what people want when they just dance around it. Sheepy: *Satoru gets off of Merlin's lap* Arsé-kun: Merlin: Perceptive boy! Not that I want you to, but I need to tell Bedi something without you hearing it. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. It's adult talk. I understand. Sheepy: Satoru: Have fun. Sheepy: Satoru: *he leaves* Arsé-kun: Merlin: .... Bedivere? Sheepy: Guin: I really don't see the similarities between Sir Bedivere and Lance... Arsé-kun: Merlin: .... .... He's not here? Sheepy: Guin: He left while mumbling to himself about something. I think he headed towards the kitchen. Hold on. Sheepy: *Guin leaves briefly before returning with Bedi* Arsé-kun: Lance: Aah. Sheepy: Bedi: What is the purpose of those "kiss the cook" aprons? I do not want to be kissed purely because I cooked... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Why not? Also, Bedi, I've made a mistake. Sheepy: Bedi: It just makes the food sit around longer, waiting to become cold...Ah? Arsé-kun: Merlin: I may have accidentally blinded myself forcing a look back, and faaar too back! I've made an incubus' mistake of not quitting while he's ahead. Sheepy: Bedi: Queen Guinevere? What day is it? Sheepy: Guin:...Friday? Arsé-kun: Merlin: am i about to get rekt? Sheepy: Bedi: Ah! It is a day that ends in y! Of course Merlin is making terrible mistakes! Sheepy: Guin: You look and sound so happy when you say it...! Arsé-kun: Merlin: Holy shit! You fuckin' killed me, babe! Sheepy: Bedi: But what do you mean? I am afraid I do not understand... Arsé-kun: Merlin: I mean I blinded myself and was asking for your help, you big bully! Sheepy: Bedi: When I look too far back my neck just hurts...hm? Sheepy: Bedi: Y-you blinded yourself? This IS a problem...! Sheepy: Bedi: What can I do to help?! Arsé-kun: Merlin: Help me get out of here without slipping on blood and breaking my skull on the floor, killing my temporary body instantly! ... Also, the idea of stairs without sight is still frightening. Sheepy: *Bedi picks Merlin up gently* Sheepy rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 5 Sheepy: *Bedi proceeds to slip on the blood.* Arsé-kun: *Bedi is only stopped from landing in a puddle of blood by someone grabbing the back of his collar. He's saved from bloodass syndrome, where you have blood, on your ass* Sheepy: Bedi:?! Sheepy: Bedi: Thank you...! Arsé-kun: Dantes: Don't mention it. Sheepy: Bedi: Yes...I suppose working together like this is now our job! Sheepy: *Bedi heads upstairs!* Sheepy: Bedi: Yes...I suppose working together like this is now our job! Arsé-kun: Dantes: *gross. kindness. disgusting.* Sheepy: *Bedi heads upstairs!* Sheepy: Bedi: Where did you want to go...? How can we fix your eyes? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Our room would be nice... I probably just need to stop using them for a bit like usual! Sheepy: Bedi: Right, good idea. *he brings Merlin to their room* Sheepy: Bedi: You can relax and I will stay with you! Arsé-kun: Merlin: That sounds wonderful, but were you doing something before? Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, I was cooking. Arsé-kun: Merlin: And you just... Left it? Unprotected? With the garbage man in this house? Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, not unprotected. Sheepy: Bedi: Emiya is finishing it. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's quite a relief!! Sheepy: Bedi: Yes, he was teaching me. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Well, go finish your lesson first! I'll wait! Sheepy: Bedi: No, no, you come first. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I can't argue, can I? Sheepy: Bedi: You can try. Sheepy: Bedi: Do you need anything? Sheepy: Bedi:I can get whatever it is. Arsé-kun: Merlin: More! Blankets! Sheepy: Bedi: One moment. Sheepy: *Bedi gets more blankets for Merlin!* Arsé-kun: *Merlin cheers and buries himself under them. Protection from the World EX* Sheepy: Bedi: Is that all? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Love, affection, and some of those gummi bears we have in the pantry. Sheepy: Bedi: Ah...I think I know of those. Sheepy: Bedi: *he leaves briefly before returning with gummi bears. he gives them to Merlin* Arsé-kun: *Merlin finds them based on sound of landing on 1000 blankets, and sticks a hand out to snatch them* Sheepy: *Merlin receives gummi bears!* Arsé-kun: *yaaaaaaaaaay* Sheepy: Bedi: Did you know? Sheepy: Bedi: Potatoes can be used in many things other than mashed potatoes... Arsé-kun: Merlin: Unless your name is Gawain! Sheepy: Bedi: I should tell Gawain about it. Sheepy: Bedi: Although maybe I should learn to make something sweet and junky instead of a nutritious meal... Sheepy: Bedi: Unfortunately, my cooking knowledge only goes so far as living off the land, with no technology in sight... Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's why you learn! Sheepy: Bedi: Yes. Sheepy: Bedi: That is why I have you. Sheepy: Bedi: To taste test. Arsé-kun: Merlin: And the only options are "I don't die" or "I die"! Arsé-kun: Merlin: Or the rare third option! "I actually taste this so it would kill a mortal man!" Sheepy: Bedi: Hmm...? Is my cooking truly that terrible at times? Sheepy: Bedi: Or perhaps...people are just picky... Arsé-kun: Merlin: I didn't say option three was a bad thing! Sheepy: Bedi: There is little that I have compared to the other knights of the round table that makes me stand out. Other than my sense of direction, all I have is the capability to tell what is poisonous and what is not. Sheepy: Bedi: So all of my food is trustworthy. Arsé-kun: Merlin: But not being poison doesn't always mean anything else~ Sheepy: Bedi:.... Sheepy: Bedi:....? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Might be sour, or bitter! We wouldn't know! Sheepy: Bedi: I am afraid I do not understand... Those are normal flavors... Sheepy: Bedi: They are not problematic in any way. Sheepy: Bedi:....Ah, but Sir Gawain is fully capable of taking edible ingredients and creating an inedible product. What a genius he is! Arsé-kun: Merlin: if I can taste, it might be too much. Sheepy: Bedi: Mashing chicken...Who would have thought of it other than Sir Gawain?! Arsé-kun: Merlin: Absolutely nobody. Sheepy: Bedi:... Arsé-kun: Merlin: .... Sheepy: Bedi:...I truly wish to forget it.. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Lets forget Thanksgiving Dinner by Gawain. Sheepy: Bedi: Mistakes must be done to learn from them. Sheepy: Bedi:...But I would have liked to have stayed blissfully stupid and naive... Arsé-kun: Merlin: I'm so glad I didn't partake in that! Sheepy: Bedi: Ah...it was terrible. Arsé-kun: Merlin: So I am aware. Sheepy: Bedi: My stomach hurt afterwards... Sheepy: Bedi: I could not waste food in front of the king. Sheepy: Bedi: Ah...was there not something else you wanted...? Sheepy: Bedi: It slipped my mind. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Well, I sure got the attention half of it! Sheepy: Bedi: What was the other half? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Not as important! Go finish your lesson! Sheepy: Bedi: Ah...alright. Try to rest. *Bedi leaves* Sheepy: *meanwhile...there is a knock at the door!* Arsé-kun: *Jekyll gets it, as the only person present with any goddamn manners (that isn't busy)* Sheepy: Definitely not Juve: H-hey- *throat clear* I have a Christmas tree that is definitely something Mr. Sherlock Holmes bought. Definitely. Please believe me. Sheepy: Definitely not Juve: (Nailed it.) Arsé-kun: Jekyll: .... I don't mean to be rude, but Juve, it is painfully obvious that it's you. Sheepy: Surprisingly Juve: Ugh?! But the hat, the uniform...! Arsé-kun: Jekyll: You did well until "Definitely" was uttered. But no matter, you still brought what was ordered. Sheepy: Juve: He definitely ordered this! Arsé-kun: Jekyll: If you'd like to speak with him, ah... I believe he is busy? Sheepy: Juve: Oh, alright. What about Watson? Arsé-kun: Minako: *absolutely lurking behind Jekyll* chrimbo tree Arsé-kun: Jekyll: If we had the man, I would tell you. Unless you mean the Avenger..? Sheepy: Juve: Watson is an Avenger?! Arsé-kun: Jekyll: That was not who I was referring to, my mistake. If you'd like someone he has called Watson, there is an Avenger and an Archer. Sheepy: Juve: Archer seems more promising.... Sheepy: Juve: Can I meet this Archer? Arsé-kun: Jekyll: I see no reason why not. Come in, and place the tree on the side. A Berserker will handle the rest. Sheepy: *Juve does so before entering* Sheepy: Juve: Where is this Archer? Arsé-kun: Jekyll: He should be nearby. Here, I'll bring you to him. Sheepy: Juve: Oh, good! Sheepy: *Juve enters the room with Mori* Arsé-kun: *Mori barely glances up at him. He is Busy* Arsé-kun: Mori: Certainly not, but Someone tends to make that mistake enough that I'm already tired of it. What do you want? Sheepy: Juve: Oh, I had information on the case. Sheepy: Juve: Eeh..that's kinda vague, I guess... Sheepy: Juve:...... Sheepy: Juve: But if you're Holmes's assistant, you should know what I'm talking about! Right? Sheepy: Juve: Although he has a tendency to just avoid me when it isn't business related...maybe he never tells you anything about his life either... Arsé-kun: Mori: Enough of an idea to go off of, yes. Sheepy: Juve: Oh, really? Arsé-kun: Mori: I live with the bastard. Go on. Sheepy: Juve: Oh, good, good, uhh... Sheepy: Juve: So you know that Masato guy? Sheepy: Juve: He smells funny. Uh, what I mean to say is... Arsé-kun: *Hans peers out of the cupboard. Attention gained* Sheepy: Juve: He's got traces of Fantomas all over him. Arsé-kun: Mori: Disgusting. What a pain of a human to deal with. Sheepy: Juve: I guess because Fantomas has no actual identity himself it'd be easier to manifest in the body of someone else...? Sheepy: Juve:....But, uh... Arsé-kun: Mori: *he looks to Holmes, lurking in a corner* I can see you, git. Sheepy: Juve: Well, the reason why Masanori didn't really even exist until recently is because, uh... Sheepy: Holmes: You can be my eyes just fine, right? That is your talent as an assistant. I'll simply loom here. Arsé-kun: Mori: I wear glasses. I absolutely cannot. Sheepy: Holmes: How unfortunate. Sheepy: Holmes: Go on, detective. Sheepy: Juve: Oh, wow, me, a detective? In the eyes of the great Sherlock Holmes!? Wow! Arsé-kun: Jekyll: Please go on, Juve. Sheepy: Juve: I looked myself up on Wikipedia and people say - oh? Oh! Sheepy: Juve: Well, he's not real! Sheepy: Juve:...Maybe? Arsé-kun: Mori: So about as real as one Mr. Edward Hyde on a good day. Sheepy: Juve: Fantomas steals the identity of people he targets, but he needs to be able to catch hold before killing them. So starting off as a new identity might be simpler. Sheepy: Juve:...Or something. Sheepy: Juve: Like a parasite!...Or something. Arsé-kun: Mori: No, no, that's right. Sheepy: Juve: But I guess if you remove him out of the picture, uh, that other guy will go back to being his fairly forgettable self. Sheepy: Juve:....Maybe. Sheepy: Juve: Or maybe he's dead already. Arsé-kun: Mori: That is still fantastic information. In lieu of Holmes being an antisocial prick, I thank you- Pardon? Sheepy: Juve: Huh? Oh, is that a surprise? As I said, he kills the people he steals the identities of. Sheepy: Juve: If he's latched onto this guy, why would it be any different? Sheepy: Juve: Oh, you know, Wikipedia said that Fantomas is theorized to just be all a part of my imagination, an amalgamation of all of the criminals I've faced! Arsé-kun: Jekyll: *he opts to ignore this* So it is entirely possible to, perhaps, remove him before that? .. Assuming the original man is not dead.. Sheepy: Juve: Yeah, he's scary until you figure out whose face he's wearing. Sheepy: Juve:...Oh, afterwards he's scary and slippery. Sheepy: Juve: Like an eel. Sheepy: Juve: Hmm...a parasitic eel. Arsé-kun: Hyde: So just stab him a bunch and hold the knives! No one's slippery with a bunch of grabable lacerations! Arsé-kun: *oh no.* Sheepy: Juve:.... Sheepy: Juve: *he puts his hands on Hyde's face and starts tugging* Arsé-kun: Hyde: Hey, you knock that off! I'll make your face into a scooby doo villain mask! Sheepy: Juve: B-but I'm no villain! Sheepy: Juve: That other guy, though, he just seems like your typical bad person. Arsé-kun: Hyde: I was given permission to be here! Lemme go! Sheepy: Juve: Well, I have a feeling he's who got them both involved - *he lets go* - in this whole mess to begin with. Arsé-kun: Mori: By "other guy", you mean...? Sheepy: Juve:...But take this with a grain of salt, uh... Sheepy: Juve: Because some bird broke into my home and suddenly that thought occurred to me. Sheepy: Juve: Arryn? Arsé-kun: Mori: That's what I thought. Arsé-kun: Mori: And by happenstance, white peacock? Sheepy: Juve: Very rude one... Arsé-kun: Andersen: Elyannn. *he groans* Idiot bird bastard can't be assed to tell us himself. Sheepy: Juve:....H-he can talk? Arsé-kun: Andersen: Halloween. Bridge monster. Knight. That was him. Sheepy: Juve: He ate my food, knocked my things on the floor... Sheepy: Juve: Wh-what? Arsé-kun: Mori: Holmes, control your bird contact. Sheepy: Holmes: I have little to do with him past him being a friend of a friend. Arsé-kun: Mori: How many times has that bird come up to your window while we're discussing cases? Unlikely. Sheepy: Holmes: He's a friend of a friend. Sheepy: Holmes: You've met both. You can see the similarities. Arsé-kun: Mori: ... I see what you're getting at. Fine, I will allow that to slide. Sheepy: Juve: How can a bird shapeshift? Arsé-kun: Mori: Magic, obviously. Sheepy: Holmes: Well, you know. Sheepy: Juve: So a water monster ate my chicken cheerio soup...well. pecked at it before knocking it on the ground... before honking at me and leaving? Arsé-kun: Andersen: Sounds right. Sheepy: Juve: Oh...my poor pillow too... he dragged it all over... Sheepy: Holmes: your what soup Arsé-kun: Mori: I was hoping to ignore that detail. Sheepy: Juve: Terrible....how did he get in? Arsé-kun: Andersen: With an entrance. Sheepy: Juve: But they were locked....Ah! Sheepy: Juve: I get it! From my closet! Arsé-kun: Andersen: Fuck, probably. Sheepy: Juve: Scary...maybe I can sleep here for tonight... Sheepy: Holmes: No. Sheepy: Juve: Wow! The great Sherlock Holmes thinks so quickly! Incredible! Sheepy: Juve: Maybe, just maybe, one day...I will reach such levels. Sheepy: Holmes: Oh. I sure hope so. Sheepy: Juve: How encouraging! Arsé-kun: Hyde: You'd need a brain for that! Don't go stealing them! Sheepy: Juve: Stealing? Brains? Sheepy: Juve:.... Sheepy: Juve: Oh! Haha! Like Fantomas! I get it! Arsé-kun: Hyde: .... You're fuckin' stupid, ain'tcha. Arsé-kun: Hyde: No wonder Henry let me take the wheel. I'm being driven to drink. Sheepy: Juve: Actually, maybe I'm in danger. Sheepy: Juve: Because maybe he'll target me if he finds out about me. Arsé-kun: Hyde: Then don't be goddamn stupid, how hard is that?! Sheepy: Juve:...But of course! Sheepy: Juve: He won't find out about me. Sheepy: Juve: I'm not Juve! I'm Christmas Tree Delivery Man. Bringing Christmas cheer to your home! Arsé-kun: Hyde: ... If I murdered this man and opened his skull, would there be a brain? Can I find out? Sheepy: Holmes: You'll ruin our flooring. Arsé-kun: Hyde: Okay, so outsiiiiiide! Sheepy: Juve:....Eh? Sheepy: Juve: H-hold on. Sheepy: Juve:....B-but... What ever came of "don't kill the messenger"?! Sheepy: Juve: I know I'm dumb and all but killing me seems a little too serious! Sheepy: Juve: A-and besides....You learned something, right? Sheepy: Holmes: We're working on a limited time schedule, right? And we have to figure out how to remove him. Arsé-kun: Mori: I'll work with you on this- I have reason to be interested. Sheepy: Juve: Theoretically there's many ways to do that. Arsé-kun: Hyde: Violence! Sheepy: Juve: Eh? Wouldn't that kill the host if you got forceful enough? Arsé-kun: Hyde: So what? Sheepy: Juve: Is the host not important? Arsé-kun: *Andersen has stopped listening- He's been struck by AN IDEA™ and he has to write it RIGHT NOW* Sheepy: Juve: I got the feeling he was. Sheepy: Juve:....Eh, but...You couuuuld, uh... Arsé-kun: Hyde: You could lure the bitch to Henry and I'll kill him myself! Easy! Sheepy: Juve: Oh, really? Arsé-kun: Hyde: Fuck if I know! But I'll take a chance to end a bitch! Sheepy: Juve: ....?! Oh, oh, I get it. Arsé-kun: Mori: *expects a dumb* Sheepy: Juve: You'll play Hyde and Go Seek with him. Sheepy: Juve: *grin* Arsé-kun: Hyde: .... Can I chase him off the property with the threat of violence?? *he's also grinning, because he can feel every fiber of Jekyll's being HATING THAT PUN* Sheepy: Holmes: I want to help. Sheepy: Juve: Oh, I'll help too! Sheepy: Juve:...But... Arsé-kun: Hyde: Great! You have three seconds to run. Sheepy: Juve: Just don't let him- What? Sheepy: Juve: What kind of seconds are we talking here? Arsé-kun: Hyde: Two. One. Sheepy: Juve: Are we talking "1 Mississipi" or just a simple quick countdown? Arsé-kun: Hyde: Makin' werewolf food tonight, boys! *he whips out the knives* Sheepy: Juve: ...?! Sheepy: Juve:....I can't fight... Sheepy: Juve: That's not a capability I have... Arsé-kun: Hyde: Then better get runnin' 'fore I do worse to you than kill ya! Sheepy: Juve:...B-but.... Sheepy: Juve: I come in here to help..and you threaten me? Arsé-kun: Hyde: Eyyyyyup! Henry says "oh be nice and let him gooo" but peh! Where's the fun in that? Sheepy: Juve: For one, I'm level 1. I also, uh... Sheepy: Juve:.... Arsé-kun: Hyde: That's like killing a baby. Sheepy: Juve: Yes! Arsé-kun: Hyde: Great thing that hasn't stopped me before! Sheepy: Juve: No, no, no! Sheepy: Juve: You can't kill me! Sheepy: Juve: 'Cause if you do.. Arsé-kun: Hyde: .... I've lost the mood. Henry can deal with this crap. *he pulls out a flask and takes a swig from it* His problem now. Sheepy: Juve:...Well, I told you your enemy and you're just going to get rid of the only tool to truly deal with him... Sheepy: Juve:...maybe? Sheepy: Juve: Oh, you won't kill me? Arsé-kun: Jekyll: Apparently not. *he fixes his glasses* So did that delivery come with any bills, or are you loitering? Sheepy: Juve: Delivery? Bills? Sheepy: Juve: Oh, oh, that? Sheepy: Juve: I don't know where thst Christmas Tree was meant to go. Sheepy: Holmes: Are you implying you stole a Christmas tree and dumped ot in front of our house? Sheepy: Juve: That's a rude way to put it. Yes. Arsé-kun: *Jekyll sighs* Arsé-kun: Jekyll: I'll put a call in and deal with it. Sheepy: Juve: Anyway! Be careful, alright? He's dangerous. Oh, if he finds me can you protect me? Arsé-kun: Mori: No. Sheepy: Juve: Eh...but...imagine if he grabbed a hold of me... Arsé-kun: Mori: Please leave. Sheepy: Juve: It's like a rat coming to employ rat poison for its own use... Sheepy: Juve:...Uh, alright ...man, I give tips and everyone shoos me away... *Juve mopes but leaves* Arsé-kun: Mori: ... So the butler is not even real? How interesting. Sheepy: Holmes: Seems so. Sheepy: Holmes: I had suspicions something wasn't right. Arsé-kun: Mori: Not that you'll share. Sheepy: Holmes: Elyan woukd ramble on with great length about Arryn. As he does with any human...especially those he fixates on. But there was little to mention of Masanori. Sheepy: Holmes: So, of course, I came to the conclusion, especially with his great fascination of Sir Lucan, that it must be a situation where something wasn't quite right. Sheepy: Holmes: Ah, the explanation would bore you. Arsé-kun: Mori: You've yet to bore me. Sheepy: Holmes: What's important is that now that we have answers we can come up with a plan. Arsé-kun: Mori: Ousting a pseudo servant may not be simple. You're prepared, yes? Sheepy: Holmes: I believe so. Arsé-kun: Dantes: With what has been learned- *He comes out from behind Holmes.*- is my class permitted to perform its role? Sheepy: Holmes: Yes. Arsé-kun: Dantes: Oh, how eagerly I look forward for the chance to ruin them! *he exits scene, cackling. oh no* Arsé-kun: Mori: Well, now of Chaldea will know something is happening. Sheepy: Holmes: Hm? Sheepy: Holmes: .... Sheepy: Holmes: That would be...problematic, to say the least. Arsé-kun: Dantes: *absolutely not from the hallway right outside the room* I'm malicious, not stupid. Sheepy: Holmes: Malicious, hm... Sheepy: Satoru: *stare* Sheepy: Satoru: So now we know our enemy. Arsé-kun: Mori: Better than before, certainly. Do you have anything to add? Sheepy: Satoru: No. Sheepy: Satoru: What do we do? Sheepy: Satoru: We can't just expel him, right? Arsé-kun: Mori: Most likely not, no. Sheepy: Satoru: Then what? Arsé-kun: Mori: When we find out, we will tell you. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. I can help. Sheepy: Holmes: A Servant's job is to deal with your enemies and not let you come into danger. Arsé-kun: Mori: Holmes, with how affected he is by this, I'd give him the right to land at least one blow on the bastard. Sheepy: Holmes: You're his caretaker. I won't step in your way even if I think what you're doing is a bad idea. Arsé-kun: Mori: And he would do it even without permission. Sheepy: Holmes: That's true. Sheepy: Satoru: I'm rebellious. When I turn 13 it'll be considered acceptable and normal behavior. Sheepy: Satoru: That's how I'll become an evil mastermind. Sheepy: Holmes: Ah-ah. Evil masterminds don't put themselves in harm's way, you know. That's the job of their minions. Arsé-kun: Mori: This is true, certainly. Sheepy: Satoru: Give one example of this being a successful strategy that kept the evil mastermind out of danger. Sheepy: Holmes:....*he puts his pipe in his mouth*..... Arsé-kun: Mori: When we don't go check the heroes suffering ourselves. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: If I ignore Holmes I won't get thrown off a waterfall. Sheepy: Holmes: You phrase that like I had anything to do with it... Sheepy: Satoru: You pushed him off a waterfall and had nothing to do with it? How? Arsé-kun: Mori: Yes, please, elaborate. Sheepy: Holmes: Hmhm....well, for one, Professor, I did not cause you to turn to a life of crime to begin with. Sheepy: Holmes:.....*he's fidgeting with his pipe*.... Sheepy: Holmes:.......... Sheepy: Holmes: The truth is... Sheepy: Holmes:....*incoherent mumbling* Sheepy: Holmes:....And that's why I had little to do with it. Sheepy: Satoru:...What? Arsé-kun: Mori: Can you repeat that please? Admit to your mistakes? Sheepy: Holmes: Hah! Well, it would've been one of us at the rate we were going. And besides, you wouldn't be angry if it were the other way around. Sheepy: Holmes:..... Sheepy: Holmes: I slipped. Sheepy: Holmes: You just so happened to be in my way. I must thank you for cushioning my fall, Professor. Very nice of you. Arsé-kun: Mori: You're still the reason for my terrible back, and you will never live it down. Sheepy: Holmes: Ahaha! How is it in de-Nile river, Professor? Don't blame me for passing years. Arsé-kun: Mori: You landed on me! That has nothing to do with age! Sheepy: Holmes: Your mind ages like fine wine, but your body simply ages... Sheepy: Holmes: Old men have creaky bones and poor hips. Sheepy: Holmes: Just think of it as a favor - I helped you get a lovable Papa persona! *he's laughing. terrible* Arsé-kun: Mori: Satoru, in times like this, where is it I tell you to punch the hero? Sheepy: Satoru: Ah. To get a critical hit. Arsé-kun: Mori: Correct! *and he swings his coffin straight at the critical hit spot* Sheepy: Holmes: U-ugh?! Sheepy: Holmes: Horrible! P-Professor! I took you as a man with some semblance of dignity! Arsé-kun: Mori: You thought wrong!! Sheepy: Holmes: Ugh...! Sheepy: Satoru: Grandpa is strong. Arsé-kun: Mori: You damn well know why I appear this way. I won't hear otherwise. Sheepy: Holmes: Because you improved even unto your final moments. Arsé-kun: Mori: As I had a man's ass planted into my back, killing me instantly. Sheepy: Holmes: You have the option to do the same to me. Arsé-kun: Mori: Great. Perish. Sheepy: Holmes:....? Arsé-kun: Mori: You jump off the roof, then I'll slam down upon you and hopefully you'll die slowly. Sheepy: Holmes: That's not what I said at all! Arsé-kun: Mori: But have you considered dying for me? Sheepy: Holmes: You lull me into a sense of security, like potentially you could be my friend... Sheepy: Holmes: Then you threaten to murder me... Arsé-kun: Mori: You come in here, knowing who I am, and ask me to remind you to eat. Sheepy: Holmes: Ah, but who will if not you? Arsé-kun: Mori: Literally anyone else. Sheepy: Holmes: Oh...how unfortunate. Sheepy: Holmes: I was hoping you would come to enjoy my company. Ah, I suppose it took Watson a while too. Sheepy: Holmes: Give it the old college try. You might end up liking me. Arsé-kun: Mori: Horrible. Disgusting. Sheepy: Holmes: Why? Arsé-kun: Mori: Why? ... Why are you taking this so seriously? Sheepy: Holmes: Were you not? Sheepy: Holmes: We're allies. As enjoyable as it is to poke fun at you, we should still make an effort to befriend each other. Arsé-kun: Mori: For a questionable amount of time. Until you laughed at my expense, you can perish for that posthaste! Sheepy: Holmes: Well, the opportunity presented itself. Sheepy: Holmes: You must see some humor in your current state, can't you? Arsé-kun: Mori: No. It is miserable. Even having fully ascended it still acts up. Sheepy: Holmes: Well, if not that... Sheepy: Holmes: Before you were the Napoleon of Crime, loveless, cruel. So I saw you as, anyway. Sheepy: Holmes: Now you're just Crime Papa. Sheepy: Holmes: I find it hilarious at least! Sheepy: Holmes: In its own way, however...it's very good character development. Incredible! Arsé-kun: Mori: So I've grown more than you. How good to know. Arsé-kun: Mori: At least I have grown, while you've stayed as a slob. Sheepy: Holmes: Ahaha! See, there is a positive side! Sheepy: Holmes: Everyone has character flaws, of course. Mine are minimal and easy for others to deal with. Sheepy: Holmes: Reminding me to do necessary things to stay alive is easy enough, yes? My slob nature is just an offshoot of it. When I get home I want to sleep. My coat can stay on the sofa. Sheepy: Holmes: When I awake I wish to work. My coat can stay on the sofa. Sheepy: Holmes: When I go out, because I am a clean slob, I change. My clothes can stay on the floor. I know where they are. Sheepy: Holmes: It's a waste or my time to clean up after myself. Fortunately, much like when I was alive, this place has roomkeeping too. Unfortunately, the roomkeeper is much less charismatic here than at the Baker's Street address, but I'll learn to live with his regular complaining and guilting me when I don't eat his cooking because I simply forget. Sheepy: Holmes: His cooking is incredible, but I'd much rather he bring it up than dragging me out of my room and away from my work simply because he expects eating to be a social exercise. Hah! Of course, in my free time I love to visit restaurants with my good friend, but that is my free time. Sheepy: Satoru: In a way, he's kind of like a child who never grew up...letting others decide his schedule for eating and what he'll eat... having others do what he needs to stay alive... Arsé-kun: Mori: Oh, you're entirely correct, but the word you may want is "Toddler". While he may have half an excuse in "I'm sharing a Saint Graph with the Lord of Sleeping 24/7", he would be contradicting his own statements. Arsé-kun: Mori: I get more and more embarrassed about having lost to this... Disaster, every time this comes up. I was beaten by an adult toddler. Sheepy: Holmes: Contradicting...what? Arsé-kun: Mori: You've mentioned Watson having to babysit you as well, so you can't use your... Friend, as an excuse. Sheepy: Holmes: Hm... I fail to understand how it makes me a child. Sheepy: Holmes: I'm very capable of doing these things. I make an active choice not to in favor of focusing on actually important things. Arsé-kun: Mori: ... Now I am curious. How did you actually die, Holmes? Sheepy: Holmes: Happy and fulfilled I suppose. Sheepy: Holmes: I assume you meant rhe manner in which I died... which would be... Sheepy: Holmes: I guess my body just failed me one day from lack of care. Sheepy: Holmes: I do wonder though...did anyone take care of my bees in my stead? Sheepy: Holmes: Perhaps Watson did. Arsé-kun: Mori: Or they died the same way you did: Without constant supervision. Sheepy: Holmes: Of course. I gave them constant supervision. Sheepy: Holmes: The doctor was kind enough to visit me in my last day or two. Sheepy: Holmes: So perhaps he brought them with him upon my passing... Sheepy: Satoru: So if Grandpa had waited a little while longer to face off with you you would have died from starvation and Reichenbach wouldn’t have happened? Arsé-kun: Mori: I much prefer that version of events! How much do you think I need to pay to have a work like that written? Sheepy: Holmes: I left my job because I realized that you were in a once in a lifetime type of rival... whom I merely threw away. Let slip through my grasp. Sheepy: Holmes:...Apologies, no pun intended. Arsé-kun: Mori: Offense taken. Sheepy: Holmes: Simply, I found myself constantly disappointed by my cases after that. Sheepy: Holmes: So... Much like you, I would have preferred if you hadn’t fallen either. But you don’t realize what you’re losing until you’ve lost it. Sheepy: Holmes: Lupin is a once in a lifetime type of man, too. How lucky am I to have met both you and Lupin! Sheepy: Satoru: I like Lupin. Sheepy: *There’s a loud crash! Lobo begins snarling and barking loudly...* Sheepy: Satoru: The mailman is here. Sheepy: Satoru: I hope my package is here. Arsé-kun: Mori: I... Heavily doubt it, but let us see. Sheepy: *Grif enters the room, holding Lupin* Sheepy: Satoru: That’s not my package. Sheepy: Satoru: Can you bring my package next time please? Arsé-kun: *Lupin has 110% given up on escaping and is just being dragged along like a heavy sack of potatoes and trying to text. He's so done. So completely and understandably done.* Arsé-kun: Mori: ... And please use the door on your way out, good sir. Sheepy: Grif: Worry not. I have created a new one. Sheepy: Satoru: I didn’t order a door. Arsé-kun: *Background Avenger and Clown laughter. Being Emiya is suffering.* Sheepy: Grif: How unfortunate for you. Sheepy: Grif: Now then. Sheepy: Holmes: ...Lupin? Sheepy: Grif: No! Griflet. Arsé-kun: Lupin: Bonjour. Sheepy: Grif: You’ll get it right next time. I believe in you. Or else. Sheepy: *Holmes checks his phone* Arsé-kun: Lupin: [text: to Holmes] Help I've been dragged around all evening and I don't want to go on a foggy abandoned hospital adventure but "Non" is not an answer he accepts. Sheepy: Holmes: [text: to Lupin] Have you tried bribing him? Arsé-kun: Lupin: [text: to Holmes] Kay already gave him an apple. I can't top that, apparently. Sheepy: Holmes: [text: to Lupin] Gibe him two apples. Arsé-kun: Lupin: [text: to Holmes] Ah yes let me pull apples out of my ass Sheepy: Holmes: [text: to Lupin] How talented you are! Arsé-kun: Lupin: [text: to Holmes] Ah yes everyone knows me as the ass apple shooter. I shoot apples out of my ass. Sometimes they're pre sliced, it's up to the will of god and apparently my ass. Arsé-kun: *Lupin looks, somehow, even more completely finished with this situation* Sheepy: Holmes: [text: to Lupin] Incredible! I never knew! Sheepy: Grif: Hello. Arsé-kun: Mori: Yes, hello, why are you here? Sheepy: Grif: Is it not obvious? Sheepy: Grif: Too bad. Arsé-kun: Mori: You're going to tell me anyway. Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Well. Sheepy: Grif:..... Sheepy: Grif: *he awkwardly breaks eye contact* ....... Sheepy: Grif: Ah. Sheepy: Grif: Well. You know. Arsé-kun: *Lupin replaces himself with a couch cushion in the background* Sheepy: Grif: [QUEST 325: FANTO-MAST YOU BE SUCH A BUTT(LER)?] [RECEIVED FROM: ELYAN] [Details: "Masanori" has been revealed ro be Fantomas all along. Action should be taken soon. Contact JAMES MORIARTY to learn more.] Sheepy: Grif: The reward is particularly important for my hoard. Please understand. Arsé-kun: Mori: ... ... This is not the strangest thing I've seen in my lifetime. Arsé-kun: Mori: But yes, that is correct information. We're unsure of how to continue as well. It would require splitting the Saint Graph off the human it is merged with, but that isn't something that's just... Done. Sheepy: Grif: I see. I am good at splitting things. Arsé-kun: Mori: Without killing the human. We can't question him if he is dead. Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Sheepy: Grif: I am good at this. I leave them split. Yet alive. It is merciful. Arsé-kun: Mori: ... I suppose limbs are not counted as "required". Arsé-kun: Mori: We need more information than we have. We don't even know what class Fantomas is. Sheepy: Grif:...Are there mission requirements? Sheepy: Holmes: Berserkers work well until the enemy is a Foreigner. Sheepy: Holmes:...Unfortunately, there are only four Foreigners that I can think of... Sheepy: Grif: I do not understand the relevance of this. We can threaten Arryn until we get answers. Arsé-kun: Mori: That man has at least one Servant. It may not be worth the risk. Sheepy: Grif: Okay. Lupin. Tell us your secrets. Arsé-kun: Lupin: Wh-why me?! Sheepy: Grif: Hm? Arsé-kun: *Lupin is across the room.* Sheepy: Grif: You say you are Kidd's dad. Arryn is clearly related to Kidd. So you must have possessed him like Fantomas. Sheepy: Grif: So wouldn't you know how to get Fantomas out? Arsé-kun: Lupin: For all of an hour! And I left willingly- I wouldn't know how to force it! Sheepy: Grif: ...!? Sheepy: Grif:...... Sheepy: Grif: I should have tried to understand better... Even Sir Bedivere did better than me...they just appeared on his doorstep, no ritual or anything... Sheepy: Grif:...But how did you possess Arryn? Anything can help.* Arsé-kun: Lupin: ..... ...... *he pauses and just thinks* Arsé-kun: Lupin: I only recall being temporarily summoned in a human body, aka Arryn's, but the process is well beyond me at the moment. Sheepy: Satoru: Really? You weren't with your son when he was born either? Sheepy: Satoru: You have great potential to be friends with Eiji. Sheepy: Holmes: He neved said he was desummoned entirely after that... Arsé-kun: Lupin: .... *he narrows his eyes at Satoru* I was present, thank you. Just not inside of a living human. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. You're a good dad then. Sheepy: Satoru: Hopefully his mom was present too. It was the day of my birth. Both of my parents failed to show up. Arsé-kun: Lupin: All right, settle down, Doofenshmitz Jr. Sheepy: Satoru: All of the evil masterminds have parent issues. Arsé-kun: Lupin: ... I don't know, Darth Vader wasn't too bad off at first. Sheepy: Satoru: I know who that is. Sheepy: Satoru: He's the roboman. Arsé-kun: Lupin: ... *he sighs and looks to Griflet* Sir Griflet. I have an optional side-quest for you. Sheepy: Grif: >YES Arsé-kun: *Lupin nabs a piece of paper and writes something down before handing it over* Sheepy: Grif:....! Sheepy: Grif:?!?!?!?! Arsé-kun: Lupin: The reward will not change based on your time. Godspeed. Sheepy: Grif: B-but... My wife said... Sheepy: Grif:...But...the reward... Sheepy: Grif:..........Wife.....apple.... Sheepy: Grif:........ Sheepy: Grif: >YES Arsé-kun: Lupin: It will not change what was said by her, either. It is more an explanation. But thank you for accepting. Sheepy: Grif: [QUEST 326: AW BABY THAT'S A LOT OF APPLES!] recorded. Sheepy: Grif:.... Arsé-kun: Lupin: Please stop naming quests like that. Sheepy: Grif: I did not name it. Arsé-kun: *Very distant mystery kouhai laughter. The quest log is laughing. Lovely. And it's a cute girl!* Sheepy: Satoru: Is there something funny? Should I laugh too? Sheepy: Satoru: But Lupin is here. I can't seem robotic to Lupin. He's cool. Sheepy: Holmes: That train has probably come and passed... Sheepy: Satoru: Really? Do you hate me then, Lupin? I was going to name you Uncle Lupin but if you hate me I won't bother you with that. Arsé-kun: Lupin: I haven't even said anything of the sort. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay Sheepy: Satoru: So that's what I'll call you. Okay? Arsé-kun: Lupin: That's fine with me. Arsé-kun: Lupin: [text: to Holmes] Is there anywhere in this building I can stop existing for a couple of hours? It's been A Day Of Some Kind. Before I start a lovely imitation of Sir Kay that I like to call "I was going to drown my sorrows, but they swim better than I do". Sheepy: Holmes: [text: to Lupin] My rooom. Lobo won't enter it. Satoru might but he's easy to get rid of. Arsé-kun: Lupin: [text: to Holmes] <3 Arsé-kun: *Lupin exits scene before Grif can re-recruit him for quests* Sheepy: Satoru:...Oh... Arsé-kun: Mori: ... And when you leave, Sir Knight, please do not make another new door. Sheepy: Grif: What? Sheepy: Grif: Why not? Arsé-kun: Mori: Because we have to prevent the one who fixes it from trying to kill you. Sheepy: Grif: I see Sheepy: Grif: Thank you. Arsé-kun: Mori: Of course. Good luck on your missions. Sheepy: Grif: Thank you. *he leaves* Arsé-kun: Lupin: ..... *he re-enters scene once Griflet is gone* ... I was going to speak up, but. Arsé-kun: Lupin: [text: to Holmes] I have been banned from verbally mentioning the Avenger cleaning your room. Sheepy: Holmes: [text: to Lupin] I'll thank him later. Thanks. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: Can your son come back? I like him. He's my friend. Sheepy: Satoru: He listened to me talk about dinosaurs. Arsé-kun: Lupin: I can arrange for that, yes. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. That's good. Sheepy: Satoru: I don't remember his name. But that's okay. Sheepy: Satoru: I'll call him Lupin III II. Sheepy: Satoru: Unless you know his name. Arsé-kun: Lupin: I'm... Sure he would rather be called James than anything else. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: But... Sheepy: Satoru: *he looks at Mori* ..... Sheepy: Satoru: He doesn't look like Grandpa... Sheepy: Satoru:...so how can he be a James...? Arsé-kun: Mori: Because that's the name he was given. Simple as that. Sheepy: Satoru: Really? Sheepy: Satoru: So our first birthday gift is our name? Arsé-kun: Mori: Technically, second. The first is living. Sheepy: Satoru: Wow. Sheepy: Satoru: So James's parents only gave him a five letter name for his birthday.. Sheepy: Satoru:....but I suppose it's more economical than going all out, such as getting a Ferrari. Sheepy: Satoru: Babies can't drive so that truly would be the epitome of careless spending. Arsé-kun: *In a different room, Angra is trying to fill the Grif-made hole with packing peanuts and glue. It's not going well, but he is Trying.* Sheepy: Emiya: ....... Sheepy: Emiya: That's making things worse. Arsé-kun: Angra: Ah. Yes. So it is! What did you expect from me? Sheepy: Emiya: Move. I’ll deal with it. Arsé-kun: *Angra pouts and moves, now he has no use for all these packing peanuts.* Sheepy: *Emiya begins fixing the hole* Arsé-kun: *Proto joins Angra to investigate the stuff Emiya was working on beforehand. It's all swords. What a nerd Emiya is. Angra makes sure to put his grubby little gremlin hands on all of them, while Proto seems to be looking for something. Proto is then disappointed.* Arsé-kun: *Proto tries to steal the chain from Moriarty's coffin. He has to activate Protection from Arrows to survive and ends up back at square one. Suffer* Arsé-kun: *Proto continues to get into shenanigans of some sort, with an unspecified goal in mind. The pupper is up to SOMETHING.* Arsé-kun: *The smallest pupper, Mini Cu, is also up to Shenangigans. These are called "Annoy Eiji in Small Amounts" and he keeps stealing paintbrushes. They are not weapons of mass destruction.* Sheepy: Eiji: D-did you want to paint? Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: I saw a pretty lady at Chaldea who fought with! *he swings a brush* Big paintybrush! I'm gonna draw a dinosaur. Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: I'm the dinosaur. Sheepy: Eiji: Oh, alright. I-I'd like to see it when...when you're done. Sheepy: Eiji: Um... Sheepy: Eiji:.... Sheepy: Eiji: B-but usually, um...paint, paint...paintbrushes aren't used f-for hurting people. Arsé-kun: *Mini Cu sets off to work with a canvas easily three times his size and some kids' watercolors. He already tripped on the canvas* Sheepy: Eiji: D-do you need help...? Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: No! ... I need Assistance! Sheepy: Eiji: Okay. H-how can I assist you? Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: I need an... Easter! ... Eiffel. .... I need a dictionary. Sheepy: Eiji: Easel? Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: That's the thing! Arsé-kun: *Once the canvas is upright, Mini Cu makes "Art"! He paints an unspecified type of black dinosaur (helpfully labeled "Me!") screaming into the void. There is a corner sun and it is frowning.* Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: And the sun is afraid of me! Sheepy: Eiji: Oh, wonderful! Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: Oh, I gotta sign it! *He carefully considers where he can sign it, before just chomping on the side of the canvas, leaving a little cookie cutter bite mark* Authentic Mini Crunch! Sheepy: Eiji: Oh! That's a-an important step! Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: I did an art! Sheepy: Eiji: Y-yes, you did! It's great! Sheepy: Eiji: D-did you want to paint anything else? Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: I can do another?? Sheepy: Eiji: Yes. Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: :O Sheepy: *Eiji gives him another piece of paper or whatever one paints on to paint on* Sheepy: Tristan: I too paint on occasion. Sheepy: Tristan: Ah...but not with paint. Sheepy: Tristan: With my words. A picture paints a thousand words, and a thousand words paint a picture. Such is life. Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: If you cry on my watercolor paint, will it make it better? Sheepy: Tristan: No. Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: weh Sheepy: Tristan: However. Sheepy: Tristan: I can teach you how to cry. Be the change you wish to see. Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: I know how to cry! Just have onions thrown at your face until you want to punch a baby! Sheepy: Tristan: Hm?.... Sheepy: Tristan: Onions? Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: It probably hurts! And I'm baby. Sheepy: Tristan: Where I might find these onions? Sheepy: Tristan: It is important. Sheepy: Tristan: Crying is the first step to feeling better. Sheepy: Tristan: So, I will put these onions in my good friend's face to make him cry. Then he will feel better. Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: Onwards! *he holds the paintbrush up like a sword (again) and leads Tristan to the fridge* Open it, big man! Sheepy: *Tristan opens the fridge* Arsé-kun: *Mini Cu climbs in and digs around for the onions. He ends up half stuck in a vegetable drawer but he has the onion!!* Sheepy: *Tristan takes Mini Cu out of the fridge* Sheepy: Tristan: This onion. It feels like a plush toy. Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: I'm holding it! You're holding me! Sheepy: Tristan: I see. May have this onion? Arsé-kun: Mini Cu: You may have the onion! Sheepy: *Tristan takes the onion and puts Mini Cu down* Sheepy: Tristan:...Now then. Sheepy: Tristan: Behold. Sheepy: Tristan: *he clears his throat* Sheepy: Tristan: Oh, how sad! How sad! Truly, this is the worst! If only my friend, Sir Lancelot, were here! Arsé-kun: *Lance "OUGHHHHHH"s from somewhere. Well, he's in the building!* Sheepy: Tristan: Ah, how sad! Sheepy: Tristan: Oh, oh! How sad! Sheepy: Tristan:.... Sheepy: *Tristan uses Failnaught to cut the onion. He puts the onion stuff on his hands before using Failnaught to track down Lance* Arsé-kun: *Mini Cu steals some onion chunk. For what, I don't know.* Sheepy: *scary* Arsé-kun: *Lance is cleaning weapons on the floor of his room. He hears Tristan enter, and tilts his head.* Arsé-kun: Lance: Ah? Sheepy: Tristan: Ahh...my friend, how sad this is! *he rushes to Lance and dramatically attempts to fall into his arms* Arsé-kun: *Lance has to very quickly push a sword off his lap so Tristan isn't impaled on landing. Landing on armor still hurts though* Sheepy: Tristan: Ah, how sad! Sheepy: *Tristan...is crying from the impact...* Sheepy: Tristan: *he gently places his hand on lancelot’s face* Arsé-kun: Lance: ..... Whhhhy? Sheepy: Tristan: I am very sad, you see. Sheepy: Tristan: I am much happier being here. Arsé-kun: Lance: .... *he rubs an eye. Pauses. Rubs it again.* Sheepy: Tristan: .... Arsé-kun: Lance: ..... *and the scent has finally hit.* ... Whhhhyyy?? Sheepy: Tristan: You see... Sheepy: Tristan: ...I was cutting an onion. Sheepy: Tristan: ...And got it in my eye. Arsé-kun: Lance: Aughhhh. *he takes a clean rag and rubs his eye again* Annndd... You sprrrread it?? Sheepy: Tristan: I must have forgotten to wash my hands when I was considering who I wished to see in my final moments. Sheepy: Tristan: ...Ahaha, you see... Sheepy: Tristan: ... Really, in actuality, I was hoping to make you cry so you would let your feelings out and be happy once more. Sheepy: Tristan: However, I am willing to put onion in my eyes for you! Arsé-kun: Lance: *he squeezes the affected eye shut and glares at Tristan* It burrrr-rrrns, Trristan! Sheepy: Tristan: If you cry you’ll feel better. Sheepy: Tristan: ... However, I am willing to put it in my own eyes as punishment for my wicked deeds. Arsé-kun: Lance: Ngh... *he shoves Tristan off and Honestly Considers pinning Tristan's hands to the floor so he can't do anything stupid* Sheepy: Tristan: Ohh... how sad, how sad! My best friend has rejected me, tossed me aside! Sheepy: Tristan: And so... I know what I must do! Arsé-kun: *Lance is trying not to cry out of Pure Spite. He is incredibly bitter and his eye burns, a lot.* Sheepy: Tristan: Once more I must blind myself to the beauties of the world! That is the only punishment I am deserving of! Arsé-kun: Lance: ..... *he picks up a flail and takes the spiky ball off, before smacking Tristan with the chain.* Punishment givennnnnn. Shhhhhut up. Sheepy: Tristan: Oh, how sad! Sheepy: Tristan: I think hard to figure out how to make my friend feel better... Hm? Hm... Sheepy: Tristan: Saber you seems sad as well... Perhaps this onion effect on my hands will last long enough for me to... Sheepy: Tristan: Hmhm... Arsé-kun: Lance: Shhhhhhhhhhut uppp. Sheepy: Tristan: Do you hate me now? Arsé-kun: Lance: Nnnnn.... Huurrrrrts! Sheepy: Tristan: Cry and you will feel better. Sheepy: Tristan: ....Unless... I must take out my big guns... Sheepy: Tristan: ... Sheepy: Tristan: You push my hand, my friend. Sheepy: Tristan: If, if it will make you feel better... For one day... I will... Sheepy: Tristan: Disappear! An incredibly sad magic trick. Yes, many will miss my beautiful face, but I must bother you often. How sad! Arsé-kun: Lance: ... Teach me firrrst. Sheepy: Tristan: What? Arsé-kun: Lance: How do I? Disappear me firssst! Sheepy: Tristan: Ah... Sheepy: Tristan: No... Sheepy: Tristan: I cannot. Sheepy: Tristan: I apologize, but... you see... Sheepy: Tristan: I would simply run away from home, as I always do. Sheepy: Tristan: Of course, with no comments not insults about the king’s heart this time. Sheepy: Tristan: .... Arsé-kun: Lance: .... Wanna.... Uh. Blow stand, get air? Sheepy: Tristan: Yes. Sheepy: Tristan: How are your eyes? Arsé-kun: Lance: ... Wash your hands. Sheepy: Tristan: Hmm...But... Sheepy: Tristan: Before I do....I must... Sheepy: Tristan: *he begins to put his hands up to his eyes* Arsé-kun: *Lance slaps his hands down and bearhugs him. no. banned. forever.* Sheepy: Tristan:?!?! Arsé-kun: Lance: We're going. *and he just. gets up with Tristan and fully intends to drag him into the nearest room with a sink* Sheepy: *Tristan is visibly pleased!* Arsé-kun: *THAT is a christmas miracle in itself* Arsé-kun: *in the bg, Proto fleeing from Medusa with her chain dagger things. This pupper has learned Crime* Sheepy: Lobo: *he's following Proto, carrying a squeaky toy in his mouth* Arsé-kun: *Proto has an Epiphany and changes his course. Down the stairs, around, back upstairs, gotta get back to the starting point and then some.* Sheepy: *Lobo follows him.* Arsé-kun: Proto: Hero Gilgamesh, I require your chains! *he ain't too proud to suck up. It doesn't feel good, but when it's required...* So we do not have a repeat of the last time a wolf decided a king WAS fit for a meal! Arsé-kun: Proto: And I don't mean the Wolf King! Sheepy: Gil: Fine, fine! Sheepy: Gil: I see your logic. Sheepy: Lobo: *squeak squeak* Sheepy: Gil: I will assist you just this once. Sheepy: Gil: Come up with an idea that doesn't involve me in the future. Arsé-kun: Proto: Y-yes sir, sorry sir, it was a last resort! Sheepy: Gil: Hah. Do better next time, Mutt! But for now, be grateful I help you! Sheepy: Lobo: *squeak* Sheepy: *Gil gives Proto Cu a chain.* Sheepy: Gil: Is that all? Arsé-kun: Proto: Yessir, I'll leave you right alone now! Arsé-kun: *Proto leaves. He makes a few gagging noises after he gets out of earshot to get rid of the taste of sucking dICK* Arsé-kun: Angra: ---And the Berserker went out, so look at this giant knife I found! *he's got Lancelot's sword* How many loaves of bread could this baby cut at once?? Sheepy: Satoru: It depends. If you stack them you'll cut more. Sheepy: Satoru: Like a bread tower. Sheepy: Emiya: Don't use that for bread. Arsé-kun: Angra: So use it for watermelon, got it! Sheepy: Emiya: Don't waste food. Sheepy: Satoru: If I could have any food... Sheepy: Satoru: No. It must stay a secret. No one will ever know. Sheepy: Emiya: I can cook it for you most likely. Sheepy: Satoru: Incredible. Momiya can read minds... Sheepy: Emiya: Knock that off. Who taught you that name? Sheepy: Satoru: No one will ever know. Arsé-kun: Andersen: *he opens and sticks his head out of a cabinet* if you're cooking, make me a grilled cheese, thanks Archer-mom *and he closes the cabinet again. classy* Sheepy: Emiya: *he huffs* I wasn't... Arsé-kun: Andersen: *he reappears* then skip the grilling Sheepy: Emiya: Fine. Arsé-kun: Andersen: Thanks, I'll write you as a protagonist in the next novel, I'm 30 chapters deep into this tale and I am not stopping now Sheepy: Satoru: Have you ever been a protagonist, Andersen? Arsé-kun: Andersen: Hell no. I'm the antagonist if anything. Arsé-kun: *Making food has been discussed, summoning Minako from wherever she was. Probably not far. Andersen retreats into the cabinet to avoid speaking more.* Arsé-kun: *Mink just fingerguns while sock-sliding in. The food hole is here.* Arsé-kun: Minako: Archer, you see the dog anywhere? *She is... Actually not here for food. Shocker!!* He's gotta go out for the night! Sheepy: Emiya: No. Arsé-kun: Minako: That's not great, hoooo-boy. *She notices the swords* Are any of these silvered? You know why. Sheepy: Emiya: Let me check. Arsé-kun: Angra: *he puts the sword he was dicking around with back on the table* What we need silver for? Fairies? We gonna punch a man-eating fairy? Sheepy: Emiya: Werewolves. Arsé-kun: Angra: Sick! Lets punch a furry convention! Sheepy: Satoru: I don't know. Sometimes the woods. Sometimes the plains. Arsé-kun: Minako: Satoru, you know about it! I'm just not being direct because I was asked not to, in case Caster or Alter pups hear. Arsé-kun: Minako: ... Arsé-kun: Minako: ... Yeah I have no idea where Proto is, and it's hella late. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: Werewolves don't like... Sheepy: Satoru:...No, no one will ever know. Sheepy: Satoru: It's a secret because Lobo is shy about it. Arsé-kun: Angra: Y'all've lost me. We have a furry? Or are you just sayin' that to be funny-- *he stops short and perks up* Ooooh-hoo, someone's suffering real damn bad! You're not joking, huh?? Arsé-kun: Minako: No, not at all! Can you at least tell me wh- Arsé-kun: *From the deepest bowels of the building, an agonized scream rings out. It is not a Berserker. It is not Lobo, despite the similarity. The howling that comes after is also not Lobo. The werewolf is out-- And it's inside the house.* Arsé-kun: Minako: NEVER MIND, THAT'S A PROBLEM! Sheepy: Satoru: Awuuu. Sheepy: Emiya: We don't have anywhere to hide. Arsé-kun: Minako: We REALLY don't! Take Satoru to the other side, tell them to barricade! I'll get Herc! Sheepy: Emiya: Right. Sheepy: Satoru: I see. Emiya is an Assassin. He's going to take me out to the other side. Okay. Make it swift and painless. Arsé-kun: Angra: Me next, me next! Sheepy: *Emiya ignores this and picks Satoru up. He heads for the other side!* Arsé-kun: Angra: uh. wait, are we serious? *He thinks about this situation* Wait, I can't fight another servant! Wait for me!! *he runs off after Emiya* Sheepy: Emiya: Hello? Sheepy: Satoru: If a werewolf bites a dog, does it become a werehuman? Arsé-kun: Vlad: Down here! *the basement is Open and all of it's lights are on for once* Chat after! Sheepy: *Emiya goes down to the basement with Satoru* Sheepy: Satoru: Will Lobo become half wolf half man? Arsé-kun: Angra: Human Lobo would hate his existence! Sheepy: Satoru: I would feel bad for him. Arsé-kun: *And crowded in the basement is, well, everybody that's home. Speed meeting.* Sheepy: Emiya: We need to barricade the area. Arsé-kun: Acu: For what...? *he was woken up for this shit* A dog? Just shoot it out back. Sheepy: Emiya: Werewolf. Sheepy: Satoru: Like old yeller? Arsé-kun: Acu: All this for one werewolf..? Stupid. Sheepy: Emiya: You can feel that way as you please. I don't care. Sheepy: Emiya: Master is getting Berserker. Who are we missing? Arsé-kun: Saku: Ozymandias is still in his room, but he's in his sarcophagus. Tristan went out with Lancelot half an hour ago. Sheepy: Emiya: Good. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Caster Cu is at work tonight, luckily. He wouldn't like this much. Sheepy: Emiya: Right. Sheepy: Satoru: Uncle Merlin is okay again. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Depends on the definition of "okay"! Sheepy: Satoru: Dracula can control wolves so maybe Dad could control a werewolf. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: Vlad: I highly doubt it. With the concept of vampires and werewolves being enemies, one of us would get steamrolled. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: I like vampires more because of you. Arsé-kun: Angra: So lemme get this straight! Or gay, whatever, doesn't matter! Puppy lancer is a no-bullshit werewolf?? And nobody thought "Hey, that's important information!" Sheepy: Yan: Yeah. Guess so. Arsé-kun: Acu: he what Sheepy: Yan: You were talking trash and you didn't even know? Amazing. Arsé-kun: Angra: I didn't know it was LITERAL! I thought all the wolf comments were just because he's the guard dog! Sheepy: Yan: Didn't mean you, but alright. Sheepy: Satoru: Lobo is a guard dog too. Arsé-kun: *Alter Cu is making complex abstractions* Arsé-kun: Angra: I meant... Aw, forget it! If I knew this info before, I sure as hell forgot! Arsé-kun: Mori: May I interrupt? What, exactly, are we barricading with that a berserk lycanthrope can't break through? Sheepy: Emiya: I was told to tell you this information. No how to accomplish it. Sheepy: Emiya: I can strengthen materials as needed. Sheepy: Satoru: Vacuum cleaners. Sheepy: Bedi: If worst comes to worst, what matters most is for us to protect our Masters. So if need be, we will be the barricade. Sheepy: Yan: Hmhm...barricade of meat shields? Oh, we could use bait! Who here is faster than a werewolf? Not it! Arsé-kun: Angra: I can be faster! But only for about fifteen seconds, and then I'll be dead on the side of the road! Arsé-kun: Vlad: I would rather suggest those of us able to fight for longer periods of time. Battle continuation and whatnot. Sheepy: Cu: That means me, other me... Sheepy: Cu:... Sheepy: Cu:....That it? Arsé-kun: Vlad: Myself. Sheepy: Satoru: But... Arsé-kun: Vlad: I, at least, will certainly survive. Worst comes to worst, I grab a rat from the raccoon man's grunge and use it as a capri-sun. Sheepy: Izou: Eh? Arsé-kun: Vlad: Oh, have you accepted that as a valid name, Okada? I'll keep that in mind. Sheepy: Izou: What? Sheepy: Izou: That ain't it! It's 'cause people keep callin' me that! Arsé-kun: Angra: I kinda have a continuation? But I'm gonna off myself anyway, so what good is it?? Sheepy: Satoru: Umm... Sheepy: Satoru: If he's stuck in the house, we could just leave. Arsé-kun: Mori: You bring up a valid point, but we'd prefer to not sit outside for several hours, mid-winter. Sheepy: Satoru: That's what hotels are for. Sheepy: Satoru: If we're lucky we can recreate Hotel Transylvania and solve things through dancing. I haven't watched it but that's the vibe I get. Sheepy: Satoru: We already have one of the four vital Universal monsters to recreate the movie. Proto can fill in for the wolfman. We now just need a Frankenstein's monstsr and a mummy to complete the Hotel Transylvania cast. I think. Sheepy: Satoru: Nothing could possibly go wrong at a hotel. Motels are another story. Just don't use the shower and avoid anyone named Bates. Sheepy: Izou: Oi, you tell me to shower and now you tell me not to? What a pain! Figure out what you want from me! Arsé-kun: Mori: He was not being literal. Sheepy: Izou: What?! Use littler words so I know what yer talkin' about, alright? You smart people and your literals and figure-ateives! Arsé-kun: Mori: It wasn't a serious statement. Sheepy: Izou: Oh, yeah, use bigger words, huh! At least they're ones I know this time. Hah! Arsé-kun: Mephi: Was joke! That simple enough? Sheepy: Izou: I got it before you simplified it! Arsé-kun: Mephi: Good to know! Sheepy: Izou: Yeah, I bet it is! Hahahaha! Sheepy: Satoru:......?....... Sheepy: Satoru: Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha? Sheepy: Satoru:...There is much to learn about humor... Arsé-kun: Mephi: Hey, how do you get to psycho's front door? *he's grinning. oh no. he doesn't wait for an answer* Through the Bates~ Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: *The Clown experiences Disappointment* Sheepy: Satoru: Where is the gate so I can go to your front door? Arsé-kun: Mephi: !! *he rolls over to face Satoru* That's a fantastic question, actually! Sheepy: Satoru: Have you not decided yet? Arsé-kun: Mephi: Wait, you've been to my old house! It used to have a gate, but not anymore I guess! Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: Acu: .... *he just sighs and starts to leave. Standing here is Not Making Progress* Sheepy: Satoru: If we work hard we can build a new one. But only after the puppy is gone. Okay? Arsé-kun: Mephi: Only if the old man will allow me on the property! Sheepy: Satoru: You darned kid. Sheepy: Satoru: Get off of my lawn. Arsé-kun: Acu: ... I'm going. Either to commit a murder or solve a problem. I'll decide on the way there. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Have fun. Don't fall in. Arsé-kun: *Acu just squints before leaving* Sheepy: Satoru: He's very brave. Arsé-kun: *the door opens a second time, and a whole bunch of nobody comes in. spooky! hi Jack.* Arsé-kun: Jack: Can you asshats bring out maybe more than just the spiked dinosaur looking bastard?? I got a status report because Lobo can't and Rider doesn't say shit! Arsé-kun: *less spooky.* Arsé-kun: Jack: The author's dead on the floor, Berserker's died twice! *he is, understandably, peeved. this is a severe understatement.* The Sun King is a useless bastard, and I damn well know there's more people upstairs that aren't doing fuck all! Sheepy: Satoru: How is Minako? Arsé-kun: Jack: Only alive due to Lobo understanding the events and keeping close to her. I wasn't in the mood to clean young woman remains this evening anyway! Sheepy: Satoru: Good. Sheepy: Satoru: I'll give him a treat later. Arsé-kun: Liz: Hey, doggie! *she latches onto Cu's arm. Gross. How unfortunate.* C'mon, c'mon, lets go! Sheepy: Cu: What? Ugh! Fine! Arsé-kun: Vlad: Now... Does anyone else have a way to survive, or shall it just be us? Sheepy: Bedi: I have defensive skills. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I would normally be of use, but I would likely end up targeting the wrong servant. Sheepy: Bedi: It is important that one of us stays with Master Eiji. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I'll stay put. You're a Saber, so you should be fine. Sheepy: Bedi: Right. Sheepy: Guin: I can help. Arsé-kun: Vlad: That would be appreciated. It's been a while since you've seen real combat, after all. Sheepy: Guin: Right. Sheepy: Guin:...Unfortunately, my skills seem to be oriented towards...well... Arsé-kun: Vlad: Tell me about it. Sheepy: Guin: Making others die in my place? Arsé-kun: Vlad: Then simply don't use them. Sheepy: Guin: Right. Sheepy: Bedi: Of course I wouldn't mind you using it on me if need be. Sheepy: Yan: Eheh, you're using my meat shield idea, huh? Aren't you funny! Arsé-kun: Angra: I'll volunteer to be a meat shield! It won't do much! Sheepy: Bedi:...Although I suppose Merlin would not be too happy with this... Sheepy: Bedi:...Oh, but Angra...do you have any means of protection? Arsé-kun: Angra: I've got one debuff and one guts! Sheepy: Bedi: Good. Sheepy: Cu: Like he'd accept 'em. Sheepy: Satoru: But you did when I gave one to you. You ate it. Your expression was indescribable. Sheepy: Cu: Oi! It ain't like I want to- *he inhales sharply* Only dogs like those treats, Master. That's why they're called DOG treats! So don't give 'em to people! Sheepy: Satoru: *stare* Sheepy: Izou: Those bone like things I found? I ate a few before that big dog attacked me. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Please do not eat Lobo's bones. Now, may we please go on? Sheepy: Cu: Right, right. Sheepy: Izou: Those are his real bones?! That explains the taste! Arsé-kun: Vlad: .... Forget it. Sheepy: Satoru: I believe in all of you to make it back alive. Except Cu. Okay? Sheepy: Cu: OI! THAT'S CRUEL! Arsé-kun: *Team Battle Continuation heads out to Suppress the Threat* Arsé-kun: Merlin: ... ... So y'know how human babies can't hold their heads up, but colts can run hours after birth? Do you think centaur babies flop around like a fish? Sheepy: Satoru: No. No. Sheepy: Satoru: Centaurs aren't born. Sheepy: Satoru: They're made. Sheepy: Satoru: They're like Frankenstein's monster. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Is he really a monster, though? Sheepy: Satoru: Monster's man. Arsé-kun: Mozart: and it was the monster's mash, Sheepy: Satoru: Like Hotel Transylvania. Arsé-kun: Mozart: Which was a graveyard smash! Sheepy: Satoru: Really? Sheepy: Satoru: I never watched it. Arsé-kun: Mozart: It was a nice film. Perhaps we can watch it tomorrow evening. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: Merlin? Arsé-kun: Merlin: ...Hm? Sheepy: Satoru: If you were to fly through the air would your flowers grow in the air or on the ground directly under your feet? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Fantastic question! Sheepy: Satoru: Yes. Yes. Sheepy: Satoru: So? Arsé-kun: Merlin: If I'm only a few inches off the ground, they'll be on the ground. Otherwise? There'll just be a rain of flowers from above! Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: When I get married you can be my levitating priest. Arsé-kun: Merlin: But can I show up ominously T-posing and floating through the air with absolutely no explanation? Sheepy: Satoru: So then you could spread flowers everywhere. Then my spouse can be allergic to pollen and I collect on life insurance. I saw such things on a show once. Sheepy: Satoru: You can do that. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Pollen usually isn't lethal, you'd probably want the Hanging Gardens for th-- Wait, that's still murder! Sheepy: Satoru: Life insurance is when you insure your life. So when you sneeze from a pollen allergy you can collect on life insurance. Sheepy: Satoru: Because now your life is hard, just briefly. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: If it worked that way, they'd be out of business. Sheepy: Satoru: What? Sheepy: Satoru: Then what is life insurance for? Arsé-kun: Jekyll: When you stop having life. Sheepy: Satoru: I see...When will I get my life insurance? Arsé-kun: Mori: When you can do your own taxes. Sheepy: Satoru: Really? Arsé-kun: Mori: Would I lie to you? Sheepy: Satoru: But I have no life outside of the home. So I should be able to collect on life  insurance. Arsé-kun: Mori: That, too, is not how it works. If you die at a job, surviving family is given money. No, it does not apply to servants. Sheepy: Satoru: Really? Sheepy: Satoru: So then... Sheepy: Satoru:....I see... Arsé-kun: Mori: You need to know the law before you can work around it, Mastermind jr. Sheepy: Satoru: They didn't get a pollen allergy...Uncle Bedi lied to me... Sheepy: Satoru: The man murdered his spouse for life insurance... Sheepy: Satoru:...Is that why he turned the tv off, I wonder.. Arsé-kun: Mori: Oh, most likely. Arsé-kun: *You might be wondering, meanwhile, why Proto Werewolf requires so many servants to fight. The answer is because he is now classified as a Boss. Have you SEEN fgo boss hp?!* Sheepy: Satoru:...I was wondering how someone could get a pollen allergy from peanuts. Sheepy: Satoru: They grow from trees. Sheepy: Eiji: T-trees can have p...pollen. And flowers... Sheepy: Satoru: Merlin is part tree? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Hell no. That did almost happen once! ... *he thinks about this* So anyway, someone absolutely just died upstairs! Sheepy: Satoru: Whom? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Oh, just the angry mango. That won't be the only time, I bet. Sheepy: Satoru: That's okay. Sheepy: Satoru: He's working hard. Arsé-kun: Merlin: On the plus side, Vlad won't need to go out for dinner for a week straight. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Cons, they're gonna need mad cleaning. Sheepy: Emiya: I suppose I constitute for that. Arsé-kun: Merlin: No, no, you do so much already. They can do it themselves. Sheepy: Emiya: Hmm...I like the sound of that. Arsé-kun: Merlin: And now, an update from upstairs, due to my clairvoyance working better than my actual eyes! ... Four deaths, one excluded due to Heracles being... Heracles. No spirit origin damage. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru:... Sheepy: Satoru: What's a Spirit Origin? Arsé-kun: Jekyll: What keeps we servants alive. It's located in our heads, and our hearts. I can't speak for Merlin, but the rest of us have them. Sheepy: Satoru:...... Sheepy: Satoru:.......... Sheepy: Satoru: Eh, but... Sheepy: Satoru: Rider... Arsé-kun: Jekyll: He is a very strange case. He may be connected to Lobo's origin directly. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: Mori: ... "Strange case", ey, Dr. Jekyll? Arsé-kun: Jekyll: ... ... *he frowns* You stop that. Sheepy: Satoru: Was it a joke? Sheepy: Satoru: I understand. Sheepy: Satoru:......... Sheepy: Satoru: Ha. Ha. Ha. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: I realize in hindsight how ironic it is for me of all people to say it. *he seems embarrassed* Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: I understand the irony. I don't know how I'm supposed to react to it. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: How you did was presumably fine? Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Important update: Five deaths. It's not going so hot up there. Sheepy: Satoru: What can we do? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Send backup? But that can go a number of wa-Oh, six. One of the Cus just went down. It is going in A Way. Sheepy: Satoru: We get rid of the moon. Then we won't have a werewolf. Arsé-kun: Mori: There is an entire movie dedicated to why that is a bad idea. Arsé-kun: Merlin: More than half of our side has gone down. I heavily advise we get involved and soon! Sheepy: Satoru: How? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Well, that certainly depends! What would we like to do? Sheepy: Satoru: Umm.. Sheepy: Satoru: Am I being graded on this? Arsé-kun: Merlin: It's a bit too important to bother on something like that. Sheepy: Satoru: *he looks to Mori* Sheepy: Satoru: Grades matter not in this world. Arsé-kun: Mori: Is this truly the time for that? Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. Uh. We take a sun related Servant to counter a werewolf. Summon the sun. Arsé-kun: Merlin: So fetch Ozymandias from his sarcophagus? That may work. Arsé-kun: Merlin: ... Ah, but he may crash his pyramids straight into us. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. Arsé-kun: *Dantes enters scene, trailing a bit of blood (that isn't his) behind him and making the stairs #VampireAesthetic. He had zero issues passing through the battlefield, apparently.* Arsé-kun: Dantes: So this is where you're all waiting? Arsé-kun: *Dantes hums and places a sheathed knife at Eiji's feet. He will not address this.* Arsé-kun: Dantes: The beast has killed one of your servants, and has set sights on a second. And you will allow this to pass? Sheepy: Eiji:! No! Arsé-kun: Dantes: Get vengeance! Sheepy: Eiji:....*he looks to the knife* Ah- this is... Arsé-kun: Dantes: Silver. You understand! Sheepy: Eiji:...*he picks it up!* Arsé-kun: Dantes: The rest of us may have to wait and hope, but you do not! Sheepy: Eiji: *..and rushes out!* Arsé-kun: *Dantes smugly smugs a smug smirk. Smuggu. He's gonna go watch his created nuke.* Sheepy: *Eiji is coming for you, Proto! You've done it now! You've unlocked Angry Eiji!* Arsé-kun: *Proto hears angry footsteps, but is too occupied with trying to damage Heracles. God Hand OP, plz nerf* Sheepy: *Eiji attempts to backstab Proto with the silver knife!* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 15 Sheepy rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 1 Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 8 Arsé-kun: *Proto becomes aware of his presence JUST in time, and gets the hell out of the way before snarling angrily and trying to ram Eiji. He only misses because Dantes pulls Eiji out of the way.* Sheepy: *Eiji doesn't seem to care too much about this! Because he's mad. Local man doesn't think when he gets mad.* Arsé-kun: *Vlad sees this, and is just now awkwardly watching while using Angra as a free bloodbag. He wisely gets out of the way.* Sheepy: *Something smacks the back of Proto's head!* Arsé-kun: *Proto whips around, still snarling, whO DARES, HE'LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS-* Sheepy: *...It's a really big plant! Eiji uses this window of opportunity to attempt another backstab!* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 16 Sheepy rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 12 Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 1 Arsé-kun: *Eiji misses again, but that's nothing compared to Dantes slipping on all the goddamn blood and landing on his ass. Do not address this, he WILL maim you.* Sheepy: Eiji: *That's too bad! What if he just acted out of pure aggression and attempted again?* Arsé-kun: *It goes about as well as you expect. Proto is going to rip his arm off at this rate. Please don't miss again.* Sheepy: *...Once more with feeling!* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 6 Sheepy rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 10 Sheepy: *Eiji finally manages to slash Proto with the silver knife!* Arsé-kun: *Proto SCREAMS and backs off, flinging the closest thing at Eiji- It's Hans. Proto misses entirely. Hans does not look impressed.- and fleeing the scene entirely.* Arsé-kun: *You drove it away! Good job, Eiji!!!* Sheepy: Eiji:... ... ?! Sheepy: Eiji: Ah...I-I didn't hit it well, well enough. Arsé-kun: Minako: *she peeks out from behind Lobo* You made him retreat..? Sheepy: Eiji:....Uh...but... ... Sheepy: Eiji: Wh-what if it...comes, comes back? Arsé-kun: Minako: Just hope he doesn't! Sheepy: Lobo: *he examines Minako. everything ok?* Arsé-kun: Minako: I'm okay, thank you Lobo!! I'm gonna buy you so many steaks for christmas! Sheepy: Lobo:?! Sheepy: *Lobo looks excited! Arsé-kun: Vlad: That was certainly impressive, I will admit. Sheepy: Eiji: Ah, I... uh... Sheepy: Eiji: Y-you..."loosened it...it up for me"? Sheepy: *Lobo turns his attention to Dantes and licks him.* Arsé-kun: *Dantes looks disgusted. Oh god. Oh lord oh heaven. Disgusting. Wolf spit. (Contrary to popular belief, he is not actually disgusted.) He is revolted h* Sheepy: Lobo:? Arsé-kun: Vlad: If that is what you want to call it, I won't stop you. Sheepy: Eiji: B-but what's important is that we, um... Sheepy: Eiji:....revive everyone... Arsé-kun: Vlad: I am inclined to agree, despite my instincts saying otherwise. *he hasn't let go of Angra yet. poor dumbass* Perhaps before anyone else sees. Sheepy: Eiji: R-right...I can go get Merlin... Sheepy: Eiji: ...uh, the B-Berserker comes back...so he doesn't throw a fit. Arsé-kun: *Dantes is already gone. He is the Speed.* Arsé-kun: Minako: That is... A really good point, shit. Sheepy: Eiji: Oh....The Count left. Sheepy: Eiji: What do we do? Arsé-kun: Vlad: Get a mop, for starters. Sheepy: Lobo: *he scratches himself. that's not his job* Sheepy: Eiji: Right... Sheepy: Eiji: I-I'm sorry..Where are the mops? Sheepy: Eiji: I'll...I'll help... Arsé-kun: *Lumiere appears with two mops! Thank you Lumi!* Sheepy: Eiji: Oh...L...Lumi... Sheepy: Eiji: Thanks Sheepy: Lobo: *he sniffs at Lumi* Arsé-kun: *Lumi squeaks and pats Lobo's nose* Sheepy: Lobo: *he seems pleased!* Sheepy: *Eiji begins mopping.* Sheepy: Eiji: There's, there's two mops...so...s-someone else...could help me... Arsé-kun: Vlad: I happen to be standing, so I will. Sheepy: Eiji: Th-thank you. Arsé-kun: *Vlad joins Eiji. Both of Satoru's dads are now Cleaning. Angra is dumped on the floor like the trash man he is.* Sheepy: Lobo: *he lifts up Angra by his singular piece of clothing and attempts to throw him onto his back.* Sheepy: *...But instead throws him over his back and into a wall.* Sheepy: Lobo: *...and gets startled upon hearing the result of his inaccurate toss, jumping a bit. Elegant Avenger* Sheepy: Eiji: L-Lobo, no... Sheepy: Lobo: *snarl* Arsé-kun: Vlad: Oh, shush. Sheepy: Lobo: *whine* Arsé-kun: Vlad: Don't sass me, mister. Sheepy: Lobo: *bark, bark* Sheepy: *Tristan suddenly skates through on the blood, beautifully, elegantly, untouched by its crimson red* Arsé-kun: Vlad: ... ... We're too late. Sheepy: Tristan: Hello, everyone. Kind of you to create an ice skating rink so I may show off my beauty. Arsé-kun: Vlad: I am glad you are blind for this one, single occasion. Sheepy: Tristan: However, I am more interested in sleeping. How sad for you, but this must wait. Arsé-kun: Vlad: It would be most wise if you did. Sheepy: Tristan: Yes. Good night. My friend isn't as skilled as I am so please help him across if he needs help. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Yes, of course.. Sheepy: *Tristan goes to bed.* Sheepy: Eiji: Umm.. Arsé-kun: Vlad: We are absolutely and positively, pardon my language, fucked. Sheepy: Eiji: What if w-we distract him before he can reach it? Arsé-kun: Minako: I can give it a shot if I find him in time! C'mon, Lobo, lets go play fetch with Lancelot! Arsé-kun: *Minako runs after him. She can't keep up, but she can damn try!* Arsé-kun: *Merlin gets run over by a speeding wolf because he didn't look both ways before crossing the hall. Maybe he should have actually tried to restore his vision BEFORE going upstairs.* Arsé-kun: *He does eventually make it to the Blood Room, thankfully.* Arsé-kun: Merlin: Sheesh, I could smell this mess from the hall! How many are dead? Does it matter? Arsé-kun: *Merlin still casts his NP! It does nothing for the blood everywhere. A few flowers are growing in it. Gross.* Sheepy: Eiji: Oh... M-Merlin, you're here! Sheepy: Cu: Doesn't really. You've got an AOE heal anyway! Sheepy: Cu: Alter me, Avenger, Guinevere, eh... Sheepy: Cu: That Saber looks like he might as well be. Or wants to be. Sheepy: Cu: Hans was dead, I think. Berserker died twice. That make 6? Or 3? Sheepy: Eiji: Th-the beast is gone for now... Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he frowns* That is a lot. I should have come and helped anyway. Sheepy: Cu: Yeah! Where were you, huh? Arsé-kun: *Merlin, for once, looks genuinely guilty. This is the legendarily rare event that comes once a year.* Arsé-kun: Merlin: I was downstairs. I did not think I could be of help if I was blind. Sheepy: Cu: That's your excuse, huh? ...Eh, whatever. What's done is done. Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he glares in Cu's general direction* Sheepy: Cu: What? Sheepy: Cu: I accepted it. Isn't that enough? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Would you like to try and run support, blinded? I can help you. Sheepy: Cu: I'm more of a combat guy myself. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Then please shut your trap. Good job on surviving, though. Sheepy: Cu: Hah. Arsé-kun: Vlad: for once Sheepy: Cu: Oi! Shaddup! Arsé-kun: Vlad: You'll have to make me, pup. Sheepy: Cu: I'LL TAKE YOUR HEART FOR MY OWN, OLD MAN!! Arsé-kun: Vlad: We can settle that outside once we have cleaned up. If you can find my heart, I'll be surprised. Sheepy: Cu: 'Course I can. Sheepy: Cu: So hurry up and get cleaning. Sheepy: Cu:...Now what, anyway? Arsé-kun: Vlad: We track down where that mutt went. We don't need this a second time. Sheepy: Cu: Right. We take him out, or what? Arsé-kun: Vlad: It would be wise. Sheepy: Cu: Let’s get going then! Arsé-kun: *Vlad stares at Cu for a moment, before wordlessly putting the mop down. He would much rather go werewolf hunting than clean.* Sheepy: Eiji: Th-the dagger could help... But it’s the Count's, not mine... Arsé-kun: Vlad: Given that it will be used for the intended purpose, I cannot see there being a problem with it. Arsé-kun: *Vlad retrieves the silver knife and takes Cu with him for some wolf hunting.* Sheepy: Eiji: *He continues mopping...* Arsé-kun: *With little to no witnesses, Dantes re-enters to assist.* Sheepy: Satoru: ...Poke. Poke. Poke. *he's poking a dead body...* Sheepy: Satoru: Don't nap on the floor. You're in the way. *poke, poke, poke* Sheepy: Eiji: Th-thanks for the help... Sheepy: Gil: ....*He groans* Enkidu...it's not...a school day-...?! Sheepy: Gil: *He smacks Satoru's hand away* Stop touching me with your grubby child fingers, Pup! Who knows where those things have been! Arsé-kun: Dantes: Good evening, King of Heroes. If you can spare the breath to speak, you can spare the breath to get out of the way. Sheepy: Gil: Hah! *He gets up* You dare tell me to move! Sheepy: Satoru: *he starts poking Gil again* Sheepy: Gil: What did I just say, Pup?! Sheepy: Gil: How dare you! Sheepy: Gil: How dare both of you...! Arsé-kun: Dantes: You rather lay in your own blood? I can arrange for it to be more permanent! Sheepy: Gil: Wuhahahaha! You make me laugh! You think you could even harm me? Sheepy: Satoru: I see...it was a joke. Sheepy: Satoru:..... Sheepy: Satoru: Ha. Ha. Ha. Sheepy: Gil: Try once more but put your heart and soul into it, Pup! That way, when the time comes, you will be prepared to laugh at my King of Heroes jokes! Sheepy: Satoru: No. Sheepy: Gil: Anyway, you make me laugh, Count! Arsé-kun: Dantes: It would be an insult if I repeated that statement in return. You have not earned that just yet. Sheepy: Gil: What?! How dare you...! Sheepy: Gil: I am leagues above you, mongrel! Sheepy: Satoru: No. Count is taller. Sheepy: Gil: Wh-what?! Shut your mouth, Pup! That's not what I was saying at all! How dare you twist the King of Heroes' words! Arsé-kun: Dantes: Kuahahahaha! I see, even the innocent are capable of committing a murder by words! Sheepy: Gil: No! Arsé-kun: Dantes: I understand now, it's true! What the rich may have in material wealth, they lack in comprehension and common sense! Sheepy: Satoru: But...you're rich... Arsé-kun: Dantes: Did I stutter? Sheepy: Satoru: That's Dad's job. Sheepy: Satoru:........ Arsé-kun: Dantes: That brings the total to two murders. Absolutely incredible. I am almost impressed with how easily you destroy men. Sheepy: Satoru: What? Who died? Arsé-kun: Dantes: ... ... Arsé-kun: Dantes: Well, these servants, for starters. Sheepy: Satoru: Yes. Mr. Plant killed them. Arsé-kun: Andersen: That's a weird name for a werewolf. Sheepy: Satoru: No. No. Look. Sheepy: *Satoru points to the plant* Sheepy: Satoru: It grew from their deaths. It's the mastermind behind the operation. Like brain fungus. Sheepy: Satoru: But Proto isn't an ant. Sheepy: Satoru: Hmm...maybe it's coincidental... Arsé-kun: *MERLIN'S BRAGGING MODE HAS BEEN ACTIVATED* Arsé-kun: Merlin: Aaaaaaaaaactuallly, that's your Dad's magic at work! Talented, isn't he?? I never taught him that! Arsé-kun: Merlin: Those with plant affinities grow together, and boy howdy do they persist! Sheepy: Satoru: What do you mean, grow together? Sheepy: Satoru: ...Ah, I get it...so Eiji is as old as you... Arsé-kun: Merlin: I was trying to make a good-sounding metaphor. It didn't come out as well in English as I'd hoped... Wait, no! Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: I don't have any magic past the two things you've taught me. I never experimented. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Once my vision has returned, I'll gladly give you a new lesson. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: Uncle Bedi can join too. He expressed interest but commented that he "has little talent with such things". Arsé-kun: Merlin: Wonderful and certainly! So could you ask one of the science geeks if they have any newt extract for me? That will speed things along. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru:.... Sheepy: Satoru:.........?! Sheepy: Satoru: I haven't seen any newts. Who has a newt? I want to touch it. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I said--- Actually, I can't say that no one does. I don't know what we have. Sheepy: Satoru: You're like a dad. Sheepy: Satoru: You don't know where anything is. Arsé-kun: Merlin: ... I cannot see. Sheepy: Satoru: Well, you see. Sheepy: Satoru: Dads in old television shows are very dumb. They always ask their wives where everything is. Sheepy: Satoru: They don't know where anything is. Arsé-kun: Merlin: No, I don't see, I'm currently blind from seeing the face of God. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. That sounds like a you problem. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Correct!! Sheepy: Satoru: Okay.