#if anyone uses any social media aside from this site i guess lol

[lesbianshepard]

I've been binging One Piece but the Long Ring Long Land Arc annoyed me so much with how it was dragging on that I just started binging Dungeon Meshi instead

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Chimerical

Chimerical’s stories aren’t at Gossamer, but you can now find them at AO3. If you have not read them, are you in for a treat! For instance, Regular People and Regular People Still are some of the X-Files fics I have read and re-read. You may also know Chimerical from her site Chimerical Publications, which was an extensive Mulder and David Duchovny fansite. Big thanks to Chimerical for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

I’m not surprised at all that X-Files fandom is still popular, it was an amazing, creative show with iconic characters. Aside from just being entertaining, like all good Sci-Fi it asked deep, profound questions about the nature of relationships and humanity. It’s these things that people remember more than the MOWs.

However, I’m surprised to hear that my stories are still read, mostly because there is always something new, someone has a new take, and of course, we have the more recent episodes which provides all new fodder for writers, which is wonderful. But it’s super nice to hear that stories from the classic show still mean something. Also, I wasn’t a prolific writer, there are only 12 stories, but perhaps they struck a chord and people like to revisit them the way you like to re-watch a favorite episode or movie.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

Fanfic is certainly not new, but The X-Files was absolutely at the right place, at the right time. The internet was just really taking off, and it enabled fans to connect instantly in ways that hadn’t before. I remember that Fox used to send out Cease & Desist letters in an ill-considered attempt to stem fanfic because the Suits just didn’t understand what it was. Nowadays, of course, they embrace much of it, encourage it, even. Supernatural wrote whole episodes about it. But in the early days they were really stupid about it.

But what I took away from it was that great community can exist with people you have never met in person. There is a great sharing of ideas and love of great characters.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

It’s true, no Facebook, twitter, tiktok – it seems strange!

But I connected to fandom though the old Usenet message boards, you couldn’t wait until the episode was over until you could leap on and start discussing the episode. And it was painful if you were on the west coast as I was because you would get spoiled. In truth, it wasn’t must different than Twitter, just without the character limitation. But it was rather the wild, wild, west, no moderators and no terms of service. It could be a free-for-all, and some of the disagreements were legendary! For writing, certainly ATXC was the big dog for fic, and of course alt.tv.x-files for discussion. There were many different Yahoo Groups and AOL mailing lists, that catered to interests in fanfic (Friendship/Adult/Slash) or to the characters and/or actors.

But frankly, the main thing I remember was what a complete PITA it was to just get anything posted. There were all these size limitations and ASCII issues that don’t exist today, you had font and formatting limitations, which cause people to get weirdly creative with italics, bolding, quotes and so on. And you had to break your story up in weird way simply to jam it into the email because there were size limitations. And it never failed that no matter how many Beta Reads you had, you didn’t see that last damn typo until AFTER you hit the send button. There was no edit button, all you could do resend the whole damn thing. It was the fanfic version of the 20 mile walk to school through the snow……Kids today have it so easy!  LOL….

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

Actors are, and always will be, the face of the show. David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson are amazing actors, and the nuance they brought each week was a wonder.

But one of the things that the X-Files also did was make people aware of the people behind the scenes, the showrunners, the writers, the directors. This was also something new. For most TV dramas, most people couldn’t tell you who wrote an episode if you had a gun to their head.

But people knew the writers like Vince Gilligan, James Wong, Darin Morgan, and of course Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz. And they knew the directors, Rob, Chris and the late great, Kim Manners.. It was like a repertory company. You could count on Morgan & Wong for the creepy, you could count of Vince Gilligan for the humor and relationship stuff, you could count on Darin Morgan for the “what the hell was that, but I loved it.”

So I guess what I took away was a deep appreciation for the craft, for the work. This carried over to other fandoms. I’m more aware of the creative team beyond the actors.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

Believe it not, I didn’t watch at the beginning. I’ve always been a Sci-Fi fan but for some reason this wasn’t on my radar. I came in about the middle of Season 1. I was channel surfing and stopped the X-Files, it was the episode “Ice.”  I won’t lie, I stopped because I saw David Duchovny in a henley and I’m never one to pass by an attractive man. But as I watched, I became intrigued by these two characters, and their conflicted relationship with each other, even though I didn’t really know what was really going on. But I had to know more. That’s good writing, where you can walk in half-way through an episode and be captured.

I immediately checked out the old AOL Service forums and found a group. Of course, back then, there was no streaming, there was no BitTorrent. So, you just had to wait until when and if the network decided to show a repeat, which meant you were screwed if you were trying to catch up. But someone on one of the boards offered to send me VHS tapes of the episodes of missed. That’s fandom as its best - I’m excited about this and I want to share it with you. So in about a week I was caught up and hooked. I had to see how these two people’s story turned out.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I’ve always written as a hobby, taken many writing classes, have always written short stories, worked on a novel or two. I’ve got friends who are writers by profession. But the closest I ever came to doing it professionally was co-writing a play that ran for a month off Broadway many years ago, so I’m a dabbler, at best. I’m a big reader, and good stories always make me think, “well, what if this happened….”

So, X-Files wasn’t my first fanfic rodeo. I had been involved in Quantum Leap fandom and Beauty and the Beast, some Star Trek. Once I good hooked on the show, I immediately began searching out fanfic. But it took me a long time before I wrote anything. I’m not sure why, perhaps I was waiting to see where the story went. But X-Files was different in that it blended one of my favorite genres with a truly compelling relationship story. And I don’t just mean romance, it was a melding of two entirely different ways of looking at the world that was captivating. Scully was so strong and Mulder so complex, how could you not love them.

So, I enjoy writing, I learn from it. I learn from the feedback, both good and bad. I’ve never understood fanfic writers who say “just sent me nice feedback.”  No one loves criticism, and not all criticism is valid. But you learn from it. I’ve had people tell me they hadn’t looked at an episode from that point of view and they like it - and I’ve had people tell me that I didn’t know what I was doing, everyone knew that Scully would never cuss (to which I say, please, she grew up on military bases!)  But it helps you improve.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

It was a period of my life I cherish because I met some friends who are still my friends to this day, all these years later because we found other things in common besides a show. It was great to share ideas and debate storylines. And it was a fun, creative, and exciting time. Each episode was must-see and then talking to my friends about it later was the best part.

I started to drift away when David Duchovny left the show. I thought then, and still think, they should have called it a day because the beating heart of that show was Mulder and Scully together. You can’t rip out half the heart and expect the patient to live. On an intellectual level, I got why Duchovny left, I got why Anderson stayed and I got that Fox was a fledging network back then and XF was a cash cow. But on an emotional level, it all turned upside down, especially when the much-promised “search for Mulder” never really happened.

Fans got angry. They were angry at David for leaving, they were angry at Gillian for staying, and they were angry at poor Robert Patrick, perfectly decent person, for merely existing. It got ugly and I got up caught up in that. Frankly, I was as much to blame as anyone in carrying on stupid arguments about crap that didn’t matter. And one day I just realized I’d let all the joy be sucked away, and this just wasn’t who I wanted to be, or how I wanted to spend my time. So, I took a break, I still watched the show as it limped on, but I disconnected from the fandom part of it. And by the time I’d had my break, the show was done!

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I’m always a fan. There are many shows I’ve followed and liked, Supernatural, Fringe, Walking Dead, but I don’t get involved in the internet drama. So, I don’t get as invested.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I assume you mean besides Mulder and Scully!  In literature, My favorite writer is John Steinbeck and every character he created was indelible and singular. East of Eden is my favorite book and the characters of Adam & Caleb Trask, as well as Cathy Ames are so well drawn.  Of Mice and Men, Cannery Row, they’re all perfect.  Another favorite book and character is Alexandre’s Demas, The Count of Monte Cristo.  The arc that Edmond Dantès’ life take is quite Mulder-esque.  And of course, Harry Potter, I’m a sucker for a character fighting against overwhelming odds.

On TV, Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap.  That was an amazingly well-crafted series, also featuring a female show runner, Deborah Pratt.  I love the character of Raymond Reddington on The Blacklist, there is something about a completely unapologetic bad guy. I would have once said Dean and Sam Winchester, but sadly that turned into a case of staying too long at the fair and I stopped watching a couple seasons ago - But the early seasons rocked. Literally every single character in M*A*S*H was golden, and they knew when to call it quits. Thomas Magnum from the original Magnum PI. (People my age will still remember the “Did you see the Sun Rise, Ivan” episode!)

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

Oddly enough, a few weeks before you reached out to me, I watched the X-Files movie again. I remembered the incredible excitement when it came out. Fox did this tour across the county; it was like a mini-con. But I remember they had the trailer on a loop and my friends and I sat through it so many times we could recite the entire thing by heart. TV shows, such as Star Trek, had made the leap to movie, but I don’t believe a TV show had ever made the leap to films while the show was still on TV. But damn, it was good.

I watched the two recent XF mini-series. They did much to revive the old feeling, especially the episodes by Darin Morgan, who is a national treasure. And it was wonderful to see David, Gillian and Mitch. I’m sorry there won’t be more.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I haven’t in quite a while. Mostly because real life has interfered (work, personal stuff, Covid) over this last year and I have trouble concentrating. But I would certainly return to it, you need the escape of a good story.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Oh yes! But they were all from the time I was writing. Lydia Bower, DashaK, BlueSwirl, XFBandit, Paula Graves, Taverl, Prufrock’s Love, and dozens of other are still on my PC.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Like children, they each have their virtues but some may be harder to love than others. While I love a good smutty MSR, I was also a big fan of conflict resolution. So, I’m going to cheat and split the baby here. Based on feedback, I’d have to day my most popular story was Regular People and its sequel. And I really enjoyed writing that. It’s simple, it’s sweet, it’s what I hope for Mulder and Scully. The chance to just BE, if only for a while.

I wanted to try a slash story, so Wind River. That story was inspired by the murder of Matthew Shepard. I have dear friends in the gay community and I was so angry that this could happen in this country, so that one was about the need to treat people compassionately and who better to do that than Mulder and Scully.

But in truth, my own favorite is one that didn’t get much attention, called Rock Bottom. I wanted to explore that the fact Mulder and Scully, were, on occasion, just truly awful to each other and yet still reason to come back together.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I have a couple unfinished stories. There’s one from Quantum Leap, I want to finish first and when that’s done, I would like to finish the two X-Files that are half-baked.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I do legal writing as a profession now, so I write all day long, but analyzing a case or a legal matter is not the same creatively and I do miss that, so I see returning someday, you need to feed your soul.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

Well that’s all over the place, much like my mind! Often I was inspired by something I thought was unaddressed in the episodes. That’s where the Just One series came from. Or it’s a Rosencrantz and Guildenstern kind of thing -- That is, what’s happening off screen while the main action is going on. I find that intriguing, and that’s where Risking Everything came from. The incident in By Coincidence actually happened to a friend of a friend and I thought it would make good fodder. Pentimento came to me following a lecture I attended at a gallery, what happens when you peel back the layers you thought were true. You never know what’s going to connect.

What's the story behind your pen name?

“Chimerical” means existing  as the product of unchecked imagination, given to unrealistic flights of fantasy- which seemed right for a fiction writer, especially for XF. In the early days, it became the phonetic “KiMeriKal” when I was on the old AOL service simply because Chimerical wasn’t available as a screen name! But I’m finally Chimerical1975@gmail.com!

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

Yes, my friends are aware, some of them have been my betas over the years. My brother knows I write, but I don’t think he’s ever read anything because he would find the smut elements uncomfortable coming from his little sister!

Is there a place online (Tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

The most recent versions of my stories are at AO3. If I ever get around to anything new it will be posted there as well.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Thanks for reading, thanks for remembering me, and it was a great time in my life. Fandoms are great communities as long as we can always remember there’s a human being at the other end of the keyboard.  Be kind, be compassionate, and never stop imagining the possibilities.

(Posted by Lilydale on February 23, 2021)

[lovemesomesurveys]

an internet/social media survey. 1 - Are you one of those people who shares absolutely everything on social media? What do you think about those who do? I do tend to overshare in surveys and I share quite a bit on Twitter. I’m pretty quiet on my other social media sites, though, in terms of that. It only bugs me when people share something and then someone asks about it and they’re like, “I don’t want to share it on here” or “I don’t want to talk about it.” You just did, though? Why post about it then? Plus, my nosy ass wants to know haha. I see that all the time on Facebook.

2 - Does anyone in "real life" know that you take surveys? Would you be embarrassed if they found your blog? I don’t think so. Back in the Myspace days people knew cause I posted them there, but no one in “real life” follows me on here. I’m surprised I shared those back then cause I don’t want anyone to see them now. Although, I wasn’t as open back then in surveys. I took the more basic ones and didn’t elaborate like I do now.

3 - When you receive a text message, do you reply straight away or wait a little while instead? It depends.

4 - Who was the last person you blocked on social media? Did you have an argument that lead to that happening? I don’t recall. It was probably some spam account on here.

5 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you spend the most time on? I spend a lot of time on YouTube. 

6 - What was the first social media account you remember signing up for? Are you still a member of that particular website, if it even still exists? Ooh. I’ve had an online and social media presence for so long... like it was probably something that doesn’t even exist now.  I remember some teen sites I was on that I guess were like the social medias of the day. For example, there was this one website I remember called Kiwibox, where you could interact with other people, post stuff, and it shared like trending topics and whatnot that I was a member of in the early 2000s. It was pre-Myspace. I don’t think it even exists now, but if it did I’m sure my account was deleted long ago for being inactive. 

7 - How many social media accounts do you have now? Do you use them all regularly? If not, which ones do you think you update the most and why? I’m on all the common ones. I use them all, but I’m more active on some than others. Some I check regularly but rarely post. For instance, I’m super active on here and I post on Twitter quite a bit. I check Facebook a few times a day and “like” some stuff, but I very rarely post. I check Instagram and Snapchat, but not daily and I rarely post or even interact on there. I spend the least amount of time on those two.

8 - Are there are any popular apps/social media sites that you've never got into or signed up for? How come? Hmm. Like I said, I have all the main ones I think.

9 - Do you take surveys on any other website apart from Tumblr? Nope. 

10 - Before Tumblr existed, what kind of blogging site did you use (eg. LiveJournal, Xanga etc.). I had a Xanga and LJ account. 

11 - Is there anything you miss about websites like MySpace, or do you prefer social media the way it is now? The Myspace days were interesting that’s for sure. I miss the hype of changing up my page and adding stuff, picking my profile song, rearranging my top 8, changing my display name, follow forever trains, comment 4 comments... haha what a ride.

12 - How old were you when you first got the internet at home? Was it broadband/wireless or did you use dial-up? I remember it wasn’t long after my brother was born, so it was sometime in 1999. I remember when my mom brought home our first computer. Those were the days of dial up/AOL. Gah, I do not miss that. 

13 - Are you old enough to remember life without any kind of internet access whatsoever? What kind of things did you do to fill the time? Ha, yeah. It’s crazy to think of the days before the internet, but I did have them. I actually used to play outside *gasp* That’s shocking cause ya’ll know I’m a hermit crab. I used to get so tan back then cause I spent so much time outside. Other things I used to do was play Barbies for hours, play with my cousins, read, color, and watch TV.

14 - Have you ever gotten into an argument with a stranger online before? Lol yeah.

15 - Overall, would you say social media is a good thing or a bad thing, or does it depend on how you choose to use it? It definitely has its pros and cons. There’s a dark side to social media and the internet in general, but a lot of good can be done with it as well. 

16 - How much time do you think you spend online each day? Is this something that varies depending on the weather? I spend a decent amount of time online for sure, but it does vary. The weather has absolutely nothing to do with it. 

17 - If your internet went off right now and you knew it wouldn't come back on for several hours, what would you go and do instead? Well, it’s 3:50AM so I’d watch some TV and attempt to go to bed.

18 - Since getting the internet, what's the longest period of time you've gone without access to it? Did you miss it as much as you thought you might? Probably the times I had surgery. I didn’t have to go completely without because once I was able to I was able to rent laptops that were available for patient use or access a computer while there. That was really nice during the couple times I had to spend a few months in the hospital. Even the shorter stays, like a week or two, I had some access at some point. But yeah, I definitely wasn’t on nearly as much during those times. Not at all the first few days/week. Then when I was back home and had my laptop I still wouldn’t feel up to spending much online. I did miss it, but I spent so much time resting and sleeping during the early stages of recovery so it was fine for awhile. I did start to get stir crazy, though.

19 - What's something you find yourself doing less of because you spend too much time online? Hm. I can’t think of anything I do less for that particular reason. 

20 - What websites do you spend the most time on? Do these fall into any particular category or are they just random? Tumblr, YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter.

21 - What website from your childhood/teen years do you wish still existed? I miss Xanga a lot. The survey community was poppin back then. I miss the days, not so much the websites themselves, of Myspace, Neopets, playing games on Disney Channel’s and Nickelodeon’s websites, making dolls, and the AOL teen message boards. Good times, good times. Much nostalgia. 

22 - Have you ever met up with anyone in real life that you first met via the internet? Did you get on as well as you thought you would? Nope. I had online friends back in the day that I talked to all the time and actually texted with. I even talked to them on the phone a couple times. :O That was during my Jonas Brothers days and I got close to a few people that I met through a Jonas Brothers’ message board and chatroom. I was pretty involved on there. I can’t believe I used to do that cause I wouldn’t do that now.

23 - What's your thoughts on internet dating and is it something you would ever consider for yourself? I probably wouldn’t do it myself, but hey if that works for people then go for it. *shrug*

24 - Do you tend to shop more online or in person? Is that something that's changed since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic? I do all my shopping online now since the pandemic hit, but even for a few years prior I was doing most of my shopping online. 

25 - Speaking of the pandemic, did you find all the stories on social media quite scary or overwhelming at the beginning? Absolutely. 

26 - If someone on social media annoys or upsets you, are you likely to tell them or just hit the hide/block buttons? Nah, I’ll just keep on scrolling. If it’s that bad then I’d likely mute or just delete. 

27 - Are there topics you won't post on social media about, simply because they always end up in an argument? I don’t post about politics. 

28 - Are you friends with your parents and family members online? Do you limit what you say because you know they can see it? Yes and yes. Like, even though I don’t post anything bad or risqué lol I still hide some stuff from my grandparents just because they wouldn’t get it, ya know? I’ve done that before and my Nana called my dad and asked if I was okay cause I posted some relatable self-deprecating meme or something haha. It’s sweet of course that she cares, but yeah I didn’t want her to get worried and concerned over stuff like that.

29 - Are you using the internet for anything else except this survey right now? I’m watching ASMR videos on YouTube as well.

30 - Do you access the internet more via a phone, tablet or laptop/PC? Which device do you prefer overall? I use my phone a lot for certain things and my laptop for others. Like, I much prefer the Facebook and Twitter apps, and I access Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, the Kindle app, and my email on my phone as well. I use both for YouTube. I only like to access Tumblr on my laptop, though, as well as Pinterest.

[purplesurveys]

1055

surveys by lets-make-surveys

1 - Surveys aside, do you use Tumblr for any other reason? Not anymore. I used to have a main blog, but it’s been years since I opened it; this is it (excuse the bad word in the URL lol, I thought it made me look like an edgy teen) but as I got older I used it less and less frequently until I no longer remember the password to log back in. These days I stay on Tumblr precisely because no one really uses it anymore, so it’s the perfect spot to hide this blog in.

2 - Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Do you update them all regularly? Depends on what you mean by a lot; I have all the basic ones - Twitter, IG, Facebook, YouTube, hell I still even have my Snapchat alive lol but I haven’t used it in like three years. I use YouTube the most but I don’t update it per se, like I just use it to watch videos. Facebook I’ve used a lot less often since the breakup, but I’ve shared a handful of posts since September. I’m probably on Twitter the most, but even then my usage hasn’t been the same.

3 - Does it bother you when your socks don’t match? What about your underwear? I don’t care for either situation, especially for underwear. Why would I care about something no one is ever going to see and even think about?

4 - How many times a year do you go on vacation? Do you tend to go to the same places each time? My family plans at least two trips, at least in non-Covid circumstances. We will sometimes repeat provinces but we never repeat hotels or sites, and we seldom repeat cities. The only places I remember visiting more than once are Baguio, Tagaytay, Albay, Subic, and Baler.

5 - How many times did it take you to pass your driving test? Just one. I could not afford to fuck it up; I was at the LTO for 8 hours and was not willing to go through that shitty long wait, so I absolutely had to pass that exam and do my best with the shitty car I had to work with.

6 - When you’re in trouble, do your parents ever “middle name” you? Nah they never used my whole name. My mom’s trademark is to add an -ah sound to my name when I’ve done something wrong though, as in Robina lol. That’s a sign I should know I shouldn’t have done what I did, whatever it is.

7 - Which family member do you look like the most? Which one do you resemble the most in terms of personality? People are always shocked to hear my mom is actually my mom and not my sister, because 1) we look very much alike, and 2) she looks young for her age. As for my personality, I’d say I’m a perfect split of my mom and dad. I exhibit an equal amount of traits they both have and I can’t tell which one I act like more.

8 - Have you ever been arrested? Never.

9 - Do you prefer Apple or Android? Apple. Would rather pay more than be stuck with an interface, camera, and emojis that I personally don’t like.

10 - Does getting sweaty or dirty bother you at all? If so, has it ever put you off doing exercise? I don’t sweat a lot, so I really do hate it when I feel beads of sweat on my temples or when the back of my shirt starts to feel damp. It doesn’t have anything to do with my feelings about exercising; I don’t like working out, period.

11 - Have you ever broken a bone? What were the circumstances that led to this happening? Never happened, hope it never happens.

12 - If you could change one thing about your appearance, what would it be? I wish I didn’t get the hairy gene so that I didn’t have to shave too much; my hair to be a little livelier and bouncier; and my front teeth to be straighter.

13 - When was the last time your computer crashed or froze? is this something that happens often? It must’ve been around a month ago. It just got too busy, so it froze for a few seconds. My laptop’s a trooper and doesn’t crash/freeze a lot.

14 - Do you ever have problems with your sleep? It’s mid-sleep I’ve been having issues with; I get nightmares almost every night. I don’t have a problem falling asleep as I’m able to do so pretty quickly.

15 - What was the last thing you ate for breakfast? Is this a normal breakfast meal for you? Angel sent over a small box of chocolate chip cookies as a Christmas gift so I’ve been enjoying that :) I’m currently having it with warm coffee. My normal breakfast is no breakfast, so this is a treat for me. Before this I also had to eat my leftover Chapaghetti that I couldn’t finish last night.

16 -  Have you ever thought about how you want to spend your retirement? That has not come to mind a lot, actually. I think more about death than I do my retirement...but this question tells me I should probably take a few steps back. I’d simply love to live in comfort with the person I end up growing old with. For now, that’s all I see myself wanting.

17 - When was the last time you got a new tattoo or piercing? Do you have any plans to get either in the future? A little less than 22 years ago; my mom had my ears pierced when I was a few months old. Haven’t gotten any new ones, nor tattoos, since. I’d love to have a couple of tattoos. Some of my ideas are two pawprints for each of my dogs, a plate of nachos, and lyrics that are personally meaningful.

18 - How would you describe your personality? Oof, what a loaded question. Hmm, I guess I’d generally label myself as hardened until I get close with someone? I’ve always kept a wall up and as friendly and extroverted as I can be, I don’t enjoy letting just anyone in. I value my personal and private space, and it’s important that I don’t lose it. 

From another angle, I also like to keep doing nice things for other people, even at the expense of my own happiness and comfort. I have to keep making people happy to keep me pleased with myself and the world. Maybe it’s rooted in the fact that I’m the eldest daughter in an Asian family? Idrk, but all I know is that I’ve never had a problem putting other people first.

19 - Have you ever heard of “hygge”? is this something you enjoy or participate in at all? I have no idea what this is and I’ve never come across this word before.

20 - What colour was the last vehicle you travelled in? Does this vehicle belong to you or someone else? White. It’s the car that was given to me for college, but when all is said and done it’s not mine.

21 - Would you describe yourself as healthy? Why or why not? In some senses yes, in other senses no. I don’t exercise or actively watch my diet, and I certainly eat too much junk; so proactively speaking, I’m not super healthy. But generally, my gene pool has been pretty fortunate with health. Other than heart conditions that run in certain branches of the family, we’re relatively a healthy bunch.

22 - Would you describe yourself as messy or organised? Is this something you would like to change? It’s a balance of both. I’m very organized at work so I allow myself to let go in my personal space, like my closet and car. I do clean up from time to time and I still like my space to be neat, but I’m not as neurotic as I normally would be with my workspace.

23 - Do you miss anything about being a teenager? If you are a teenager, what’s your favourite thing about it? The innocence. It was a period of being ideal, being a dreamer, being as romantic about life as I wanted to be. It was also a period where you were allowed to make mistakes, because fucking up when you’re younger lets you off the hook. These are the biggest things I miss, but I don’t really find myself pining for my teenage days. I still like where I am, even if things are realistically a little duller in adulthood.

24 - Are you patriotic at all? Why/why not? No. It’s hard to be when your country is shit.

25 - Have you ever had to wear a white lab coat before? Was this in school or for a job? Yeah we had lab coats in Lab class in high school, but they were green. We also needed safety goggles, and if I remember correctly if we had neither of these things we had to sit outside and skip out on the session.

26 - Would you ever want to do the same career(s) as your parents? I can see myself going down somewhere in the secretarial path like my mom as I’m good at organizing things and keeping internal affairs in order, but I don’t know if I would find it fulfilling. But in general, I wouldn’t want to be in the hotel and restaurant industry. I don’t have any attachments to it and I’ve always felt like I belonged in media and communications.

27 - Do you believe in aliens? Is there a reason why (or why not)? Yes. For the most part, it’s more comforting to think and believe that we’re not the only beings around.

28 - Which animated film would you most like to live in? Does it have to be a film? I’d love to be in the Fairly OddParents universe and have fairy godparents of my own.

29 - When was the last time you got into an argument? Have you made up with that person yet? Gab. I don’t know. She’s ignoring me.

30 - What are you going to do now this survey is over? Take another one.

--

1 - Have you ever had your computer or e-mail hacked? Did anything bad happen as a result? No but I had bad viruses on all of my Windows laptops before. The worst virus I got involved my laptop typing out some long-ass Vietnamese paragraphs for me at the most random times. It was like a horror movie lmao. Every time I Googled the text I never got any leads from it, so I never knew what it meant or what the virus was. 

2 - Do you prefer the company of people or animals? I don’t really have a preference when it comes to these two because their companionships are individually different. I like that animals can be playful and sweet; but I also like cracking jokes and having meaningful conversations with people.

3 - Are you a religious person? Were you raised in that faith or did you discover it a later date in life? I was born and raised Catholic, and still legally am. I never saw the appeal of the idea of being saved or of reading the Bible or anything that has to do with Christianity; and the idea of praying was weird to me even from childhood. A lot of Christians/Catholics I know are hypocrites anyway, and to me that says a lot about their mindset when it comes to religion.

4 - When was the last time you went to the beach? What did you do there? August 2019. My friends and I had a day trip to Nasugbu so we could have some fun before the semester started; we mostly swam and caught up with one another. August is a low season so we literally had the beach, the pool, and the poolside bar to ourselves.

5 - With all the COVID restrictions in place, would you feel happy/comfortable travelling abroad right now? Why/why not? I’d be happy, but not comfortable because of the swab test I would have to take hahaha. The selfish part of me is itching to go to other places already. I know my parents would put a million roadblocks to keep me from getting on a plane though, so me traveling is purely theoretical.

6 - How would you describe your dress sense? I like wearing flattering pieces but nothing too flashy or bright. I get items that are currently in style and make sure they match with the rest of my wardrobe, but at the end of the day I still like to blend in with the crowd and avoid neon colors, flashy labels, or whatever it is that would make me stand out.

7 - Do you wait until the sales start before you buy non-essential items? I never really pay attention to sales. It’s led to some pleasant surprises, like the other day when I was looking for a gift for my aunt. There was an H&M purse that caught my eye and it was so pretty, but way above my budget. I decided to get it anyway because that aunt throws amazing Christmas parties over the years and gives us lots of money, so I thought it could would be my way of giving back (especially since her company got hit hard by Covid). Once I got to the cashier the register showed it was like 60% off, even though there were no stickers on it and there was zero promotion anywhere in the store.

8 - What kind of milk do you prefer to drink (if you drink it at all)? I don’t drink milk, but I’m able to consume it in other dishes. I haven’t tried any types other than whole milk.

9 - Do you prefer blonde hair or brunette hair on your preferred sex? I don’t have preferences when it comes to hair color. We’re not really conditioned to consider this factor, since Filipinos have black hair.

10 - Would you be embarrassed to own the same clothing as one of your parents? No. I borrow stuff from my mom all the time. My sister also borrows some of my dad’s t-shirts, at least the ones that can fit her.

11 - When was the last time you wore some kind of fancy dress? Like...a gown? I’m not too sure. It must’ve been Alena’s debut three years ago since that’s the last fancy party I went to.

12 - Do you enjoy dressing up (ie. in suits or smart clothing)? When was the last time you did so? I like dressing up and making myself look cute, but dressing up formally not so much.

13 - What’s worse - being overdressed or underdressed? Personally, underdressed. I’d rather look too prepared than looking as if I didn’t care to look decent for whatever event I’m headed to.

14 - What do you think would be the worst thing about being stuck in solitary confinement? Not having any options or activities to do.

15 -  Have you ever owned an unusual or exotic pet? Would you want to? Nope. I would not want to have one. Unusual pet is just a euphemism for animals that shouldn’t be pets.

16 - How old were you when you learned to tie your shoelaces? I was 5 and had to learn it for a test in kindergarten.

17 - Do you enjoy decorating for the holidays? Sure, it makes me feel festive :)

18 - Would you rather go into a restaurant or just go via the drive-through? These days it’s more wise to use the drive-thru, but to be frank I’ve missed dining in. I would opt for the restaurant but make sure to follow safety protocols in the area.

19 - Do you like having your teeth cleaned at the dentist? I’ve actually always found trips to the dentist soothing, even as a kid. The only time I ever really freaked out was when I went last year to have a tooth removed and I was told that I needed an anaesthesia shot on my gums; even then, I didn’t even feel anything when it finally happened.

20 - Have you ever had a gun drawn on you before? Maybe? My cousins and friends and I doodled on each other a lot as kids.

21 - When was the last time you went to a petting zoo? I’ve never been to one and idk if I can go to one.

22 - Do you bite your nails? Could you physically bite your toenails if you stretched enough? Sometimes I’ll gnaw at my nails and then scrape them off. I’ve found it more satisfying than biting them all the way off. I could definitely bite my toenails, but I choose not to.

23 - How old were you when you first started using Tumblr? Have you had the same blog all that time? It wasssssss 2010, so I was 11 at the time. Nah, I deactivated that blog only after a year of using it and then I shifted to a wrestling blog.

24 - Are you a fan of practical jokes? If I’m watching celebrities pull it on another celebrities, yeah. Most of the time I get anxious that the recipient would react negatively, so I don’t watch a lot of pranks.

25 - How many years older and younger than you would you consider dating? Is this a concrete thing or would you make an exception for the right person? It will still depend on the latter condition, of course; but theoretically I would like to keep seeing people my exact age. No more and no less than the year 1998. Growing up with relatives in such close age to me makes me feel like I’d be dating an older cousin if it was someone a year older, and my sister if it was someone a year younger.

26 - Who did you vote for in the last US elections? If you’re not in the US, who would you have voted for? I don’t live in the US; I would have voted for Biden.

27 - Are you a fan of reddit? What are some of your favourite subreddits? Sure. I don’t visit it as much as I used to, but I still go on there when I’m bored and in need of entertaining or educational content. r/AskReddit is a classic fave of mine, but I also go on r/interestingasfuck, r/todayilearned, r/mildlyinteresting, r/dataisbeautiful, r/SquaredCircle, and r/goodmythicalmorning. Sometimes I’ll visit the r/AmItheAsshole sub as well to have some fun lol.

28 - Have you ever watched those YouTube videos of people popping their own spots or zits? Do you find them gross or fascinating? Not those, but I’ve looked up earwax extractions and blackhead removals before.

29 - What’s a food you hated as a kid but love now? How about vice versa? Chicken curry is probably my best example because I’m obsessed with all kinds of curry now, whether it’s Indian butter chicken, Thai green curry, or Japanese curry. I didn’t understand the complex flavors as a kid, but I’m got to appreciate more and more as I got older.

30 - Do you prefer socks, shoes or going bare foot? Idk, I feel like all these choices are useful and convenient in their own different situations? I’m barefoot when I’m at home but put on socks when it’s chilly, and I wear shoes when I’m outdoors.

[elvesofnoldor]

why do i feel like all the support towards hong kong protesters isnt about shining light on PRC/chinese government’s corruption and encroachment on hon kong democracy anymore? like the focus doesn’t feel like it’s on the authoritarian government responsible for the police brutality that hong kong protesters suffer from in the first place anymore??? why is that im getting this vibe that u guys think mainland chinese r living merrily under this regime and wholeheartedly support their government? why is it that u guys are increasingly grouping chinese people with chinese government? why the fuck is that? oh u think people votes for this government? is that what it was? why is it that im getting this vibe that u all think mainland chinese ppl r content with their government and isn’t suffering from this authoritarian regime? surely u havent been hearing abt any of these discontent and grievances because there arent mainland chinese ppl on here--thats cause tumblr along with facebook and twitter are banned in china lmao u have to get a vpn to access these sites! even then its laborious and the connection isn’t stable and most ppl dont wanna do it. im here cause i dont live in mainland china lmao! Also, china has its own social media sites? now i dont wanna spread rumours but years before this protest comes into the highlight, there has been reports of human rights activists disappearing and presumably murdered in hong kong ( and ofc, within mainland china) in the recent years, before the protest came about. i saw with my own two eyeballs that someone made popular tweet saying “china is so corrupt they make game company bans its users for speaking out”, like, oh honey u think this is the Worst Thing Ever??? u got a big storm coming! well, u dont, really, i dont either, cause neither of us gonna live in mainland china anytime soon. I’ve seen the short anthology films titled “Ten Years” back when it premiered in 2015 (which is obviously, banned in mainland china), now, the short films might have been fictional but the subject is real, and they were a hit in Hong kong (so much so that it did better than star wars: tfa --which came out the same year) and that precisely speaks volume of Hong kong people’s fear of increased Chinese government influence in hong kong. That was 2015, that was 4 years ago, and this bullshit has been going on for years now, longer than 4 years. But where do u think “chinese government influence” is currently at? huh? outer fucking space? 

hong kong protesters want to stick it to blizzard by making mei a symbol of resistance against authoritarian regime, which is not a bad idea at all, blizzard seems to be losing money, no? also mei works well as a mascot of resistance, but that comes from hong kong protesters, hong kong social media--that’s first of all. and yeah, the nature of protest is disruption--getting something of importance to pop culture banned and removed can bring light to critical issues at hand, but what r u bringing light to? mainland chinese ppl? its not like they dont know abt hong kong protest??? so??? what was the point again??? later, i saw a post that is now 100k notes on my dash urging to make mickey mouse a mascot of resistance too, like, ok, what was the point of that? getting disney banned in china? as if 100,000 clown on tumblr dot com can achieve this? like i mentioned before, tumblr is fucking banned in china. there are disney amusement parks in both hong kong and shanghai, u wanna shut those down? is that what this is about? and even say you all can achieve this, what was the purpose of this? chinese people losing access to various of entertainment because of the authoritarian government they didn’t vote for that actively brainwashed them? If you really wanna start a movement, post these posts in chinese social media sites? start a movement within mainland China where it’d actually matter???  whats the use of 100k clowns here making noises here??? but ofc it’s hard, and im not asking this of anyone cause none of u got a social media presence in these foreign social media sites--i dont even got a presence in these foreign social media sites! i dont share interests with anybody there! i havent lived there for like a decade!

AND just to-fucking-day i saw some clown advocating to make hello kitty a mascot--like holy shit r u that desperate to get notes? because they want to hit it where it “hurts”? because hello kitty is “important to chinese culture?” lmao??? i have to laugh!!! hello kitty is Confucianism now i guess!!! it’s not even that important to pop culture but whatever!!! WHO ARE YOU GUYS’ TARGETS? CHINESE PEOPLE IN MAINLAND CHINA? THEY AREN’T RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT’S GOING ON IN HONG KONG THOUGH? SO?? HELLO??? not to mention it isn’t hurting anybody, this post is on tumblr dot com, maybe 0.0003% of the population using vpn to get on this clownsite saw it but aside from that? who is it hurting? why do u wanna “hurt” them? do any of you got a brain? 

im gonna kms when that hello kitty post hits 100k notes too lmao 

why cant u motherfuckers just spread information and stayed informed instead of trying to come up with some useless clown antic???? i have been staying quite and reblogging information about the protest this entire time, why cant u guys just stick to that and shut the fuck up about things u dont understand lol 

and the saddest thing is that if i start handing blocks to all u brainless fucks on my dash i’d have blocked off 90% of u all. 

[temporalhemorrhage]

im so frustrated with social media nowadays... i dont know if its just because i dont know how to use it properly or because of genuine algorithm issues on the platform but like.... HOW does ANYONE find ANYONE on there???

like okay yes, there’s tags on instagram- i GET that- and it does seem that people use those tags to find new art because thats how im pretty sure ive gained the followers i do have (since its not like there’s a reblog function on there or anything where someone can expose an artist to their followers and thus increase their visibility)... but they also just instituted a new algorithm that basically mutes anyone who doesnt post/respond regularly (which can apparently be as little time as a week/few days without posting), so that’s a no go for anyone who doesn’t already have a large following

then twitter?? is just???? a void????? like i literally have NO idea how anyone finds anyone on there or how you’re supposed to grow your audience or even find people that you know from other social media??  i recently started using hashtags on there for my art (something that im still very wary of because NOT A SINGLE ARTIST I FOLLOW uses them so idk what the commonly used or appropriate ones are??? or if its even considered appropriate to put them on your art post?? like i said- not a single of the nearly 100 artists i follow uses them so im just like lol guess ill die) and yet i still feel like im just yelling into a void (with about the same reaction as you would expect from that action)

meanwhile, tumblr is the only place ive ever been able to build any sort of following and find friends/people i like and content i want, yet aside from its slow decline over the past couple years, im now hearing from artists that they’re barely getting any notes or interactions, even when they have 67k followers or some shit, so they’re all leaving for other social medias

which again returns me to my previous point of HOW are the other ones any better??? how did you amass 112k followers on twitter or w/e and 98k on instagram (if not just migration from an already established platform? which is literally my only working theory)? at least on here i can throw shit in a tag and i know ppl will see it- or i have ppl who consistently reblog my shit so i know that will introduce it to a new audience- how does that work on twitter/instagram???

ive yet to be introduced to A SINGLE NEW ARTIST on those platforms, which tells me that its not just my work that isn’t being spread, but that it’s just how the platform functions (e.g. you can show things to your followers, but their followers will rarely if ever see it, and there’s very few options for otherwise increasing your visibility), which im sure is fine and all if you already have a couple hundred or thousand followers under your belt, but for people starting absolutely fresh? what chance do they have? how do they reach the people they want to reach?

forget art- how do you find FRIENDS on there? how does ANYONE connect with other like-minded people or with those who share their interests? i just dont understand how anyone feels like these sites are anything other than just shouting into the void and ~hoping~ that the void is already occupied and listening...

(and please know this has nothing to do with my content- i understand that i dont put out anything worth paying attention to, so its not like im bitter i dont have followers or anything. it just feels like im missing out on some core knowledge that everyone else knows (which coincidentally is the story of my life) and that it’s going to fuck me over big time when i actually do try to gain an audience)

[aquarianlights]

Depending on how tomorrow goes, I may or may not go MIA from every single social media site and texting app that everyone knows me on without any notice but this. I’m not really telling anyone. Posting a mass update here and maybe fb later. But even if tomorrow goes “well” or anywhere in the “good” category...I may be too overwhelmed to be talking to anyone or on any kind of social media for a while. Hours, days, weeks. If it goes poorly, expect me gone for at least a month. If I’m still alive by the end of that---which I should be, coz I will have Echo right by my side and he will never leave my side again and I will do everything in my power to push through and be positive and be a good dad for him---then I will eventually crawl back onto social media. But my queue may run out for the second time in my entire time since I made this blog like 6-7+ years ago. It’s only run out once so far and that’s because it wasn’t maxed out and slowed down before I got institutionalized once and that was a longer stay than normal. Normally I manage to get out before my queue runs out and then ...”treat myself” with a queue filling binge of positive stuff and foxes and glittery things and nerdy things and all things christmas and cold weather. Just general stuff I like...packing it full, coz it’ll usually be on the very last few posts by the time I get out, but no one will have noticed my absence coz it won’t have run out.

But the personal space I will need from how intense this could potentially be...is terrifying for me. I usually go to social media to cope. Somehow, this is so terrifying, that stepping away from social media, stepping away from my friends, and venturing out on my own and putting myself in rather dangerous situations would be my best way to cope. Other than pouring my hours into research and schoolwork... I do have plenty of medical texts to read that I haven’t had the time to do more than skim over [stares longingly at them all].

The amount of overwhelming this is ....is just... it would break a neurotypical person and shred them to pieces. For me? I’m not sure what it will do. The good thing about my particular neurodivergency is that I don’t have much of a conscience to work with (I thought the auditory hallucinations were what everyone was referring to as a conscience until professionals finally told me that’s not what a conscience is and upon further research found I didn’t have one which is great for this situation but damn). I

This could potentially be the hardest moment of my entire life, but I won’t know that until I’m lying on my death bed. This could potentially be the biggest mistake I ever make, but I won’t know that until I’m lying on my death bed. This could potentially be the best thing that ever happens to me, but again... I won’t know that until I’m lying on my death bed. As of right now...at the age of 26...on the date of February 24th, 2018. . .this WILL be the hardest day of my entire life to date. This will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my life, no matter the outcome. I’m not scared; I’m sick. I feel like it’d be a better idea to kill myself than go through with this. I’d get to avoid the whole thing.

I hate how logical that is.

And I hate how there’s literally not a single counter argument to it and not even one downside. There WAS one downside and that was that my friends would grieve and/or care but the two people who I was worried about caring/grieving and it affecting their lives have thoroughly proven it won’t and that they do not. That’s not pessimism or anything. That’s just cold, hard fact. Yeah, it’s a sad fact. But. . .it’s fact nonetheless. And I gotta look at the truth one way or another. Facts don’t change just because they’re not in my favour.

I really do hate how logical suicide is right now.

And I really do hate how there isn’t a single counter-argument to it. And how I have absolutely no one in my corner right now and how I have to support every single one of my friends despite the fact I have told them over and over again that I can’t be there for them and to stop and to back the fuck off with their damn problems, because I’m going through too much of my own stuff to help them with theirs. There’s only two people I will put aside my ridiculous mountain of issues that could possibly lead to my death and hopefully will to help...One has proven she is and always has been in my corner no matter what she’s going through. And the other has proven that she is definitely unreliable and won’t be there for me no matter how hard I try for her. The first one... She is the strongest person ever and she will get through my death. She will. She’s been through worse. The second one won’t care even in the slightest or even notice. I’m pretty sure she’d be relieved and happy, tbh. Lol. She’d be out there thinkin’ “FINALLY, DAMN” lolololol. I know I would be. Like, I know I WILL be when I finally do it and get to move on to the next plane of existence and get those brief moments as an infant where you’re not able to speak or communicate in any way because you have all your memories from your past life? Yeah. I’m gonna be fucking throwing a party in whatever form of a crib or bed type thing my new planet and new species has. I hope to fuck my new species is a lot more peaceful than this one. And I hope they’re more advanced and more intelligent. I guess that depends on my karma and I have no clue where my karma is at right now tbh coz I’ve done so many EXTREMELY horrible things in my life, but I’ve also done almost the exact same amount of EXTREMELY amazingly genuinely GOOD things in my life at this point that it practically balances it out to 0 so I’m just all [shruggy emoji] on whether the omnipotent fate aliens would demote or promote me during reincarnation. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Man. Tomorrow may just kill me. Hell, if I don’t kill myself before I start the drive tomorrow, I have 2 1/2 hours of driving to think about killing myself every single goddamn second during the drive there...and if, for some weird reason, I don’t have my dog on the way home...... I will have another 2 1/2 hours to think every single second about killing myself. And how the fuck easy would it be to do on Blood Mountain? I’m p sure my car takes via the route that goes over Blood Mountain. People die on Blood Mountain just driving normally.... All I gotta do is push the limits a little. Not hard to die on Blood Mountain...lmao. Not hard AT ALL. I hope my GPS takes me that way coz that’s when I start recognizing where I am and know I’m getting SORT OF close-ish I guess??? and then that idea of suicide just sounds WAY better so...not a bad idea to take a BUNCH of pills in the town right BEFORE blood mountain and then speed through it when I can’t feel my fucking feet on the pedals and am nodding off at the wheel so that I drive my car right through a guard rail or over the side of the cliff OR right into the rock wall. Yep. That sounds p fucking fantastic. Ugh. I have the worst ideas regarding car deaths and I can never do it coz I don’t wanna total my car.... Lmao. The only thing that stops me from doing it is coz I don’t wanna total my car and being a med student, my mind goes through the entire list of “what COULD happen” and how slow of a death if no one finds me and this and that and calculations and blah blah blah and palatalization and amputations and blah blah BLAH and ruining dreams for if I am FORCED into living and BLAH BLAH BLAH and car suicide is the absolute WORST idea for someone who NEEDS a bright, fast, chaotic, able-bodied future if they are forced to live omg lmao BUT....I mean, I have so many other methods in my head that I know practically all the things and I’ve tried so many ways now that I just know what I can and can’t handle and I think tomorrow is gonna be the make or break. But having Echo in the car with me after being broken..........will force me to stay alive. Which will suck so badly. But I will have to also compartmentalize all my pain and my negativity so that he’s not even MORE stressed out than by all the commotion of the situation and then by this crazy car ride and by most likely throwing up in the car.

ERGH.

I need to stop thinking about this and distract myself but I also need to rest my joints so I guess I’m gonna watch a documentary.... something nice and calming but also stimulating... I just wish people didn’t talk so monotone when narrating documentaries. Especially when it’s about the supernatural and extraterrestrials and government experiments and stuff. Like COME ON, NARRATORS. GET EXCITED. GET INTO IT! FOR FUCKS SAKE, THERE’S A REASON PEOPLE GET PUT TO SLEEP BY DOCUMENTARIES AND IT’S NOT THE DOCUMENTARY....IT’S YOU! THE NARRATOR! YOU’RE THE ISSUE. GET INVOLVED. GET HYPED ABOUT THE INFORMATION! GET PASSIONATE. FOR FUCKS SAKE, IT’S COOL STUFF. FUCKING ACT LIKE IT, YA DAMN MONOTONE, ROBOTIC NIMROD. Ergh. Someone needs to sign me up to narrate a documentary. I used to speak at public rallies about puppy mills all over my county to educate the masses during high school because I was enraged about it and TRUST ME when YOU’RE having FUN WITH IT or ENRAGED BY IT or THINK THE INFORMATION IS COOL and REALLY GET INTO IT...........SO WILL YOUR AUDIENCE. It’s not the information that’s boring. It’s not the documentary that’s boring. It’s not the subject material. IT’S THE NARRATOR. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO PAY ME JUST LET ME DO THEIR DAMN JOB CORRECTLY SO I CAN SHOW THEM HOW TO DO THEIR DAMN JOBS SO THEY CAN LEARN. FUCK.

dfkhdglskagjdshlkg Omg.

No okay now I’m gonna get angry at a documentary narrator for not doing their job correctly. Lmao. Gotta watch something uh.... Passionate. I guess. But that doesn’t require too much focus. But doesn’t numb my mind. Star Trek. I always default to Star Trek. Jfc. I guess I’mma pop on some Weyoun heavy episodes while I wait for the “all clear” on my joint timer thing so I can get up and exercise and do some fucking research and maybe pleasure-read for a bit before more joint resting because long drives and lots of heavy lifting is a big no-no and I’m not supposed to but things aren’t gonna pack themselves. Things aren’t gonna sort themselves?? LIKE??? Fuck it’s gonna be SO hard leaving majority of my material possessions that have so much personal value to me. :/ Argh. I don’t even have the ability to take them in order to sell them. I don’t even have that kind of strength or time. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

EDS is a fucking bitch, man. Fucking BITCH. T-Therapy better fucking cure EDS. Like. They’re all on board with it. 4 of my specialists are. And I’m meeting with my HRT doc next week. This coming week. So.... we’ll see. She cordoned off 2 appointments for me for all the things. Sigh. 

Oh right. Yes. Joint rest.

I’m bad at this. I hate resting. I really do. I hate being stationary. I hate not being able to do stuff. I HATE THIS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH EDS is a fucking killer for people with former suicidal depression who had had it all their life and it had apparently been fixed by meds and now suddenly it’s back like WOW fuck EDS. Ugh. And I’m getting all these phone calls from my docs as my tests come back telling me I need to change my diet to avoid this and that and change this and that like whole HUGE lifestyle changes but adding “We’ll go over the full thing at our next appointment, but I STRONGLY ADVISE...” I’m like, “Well bitch as long as you tell me it’s just advise and not a MUST, I want a damn biscuit okay. Fuck your no gluten.” But then again, I have a stomach ulcer so I can’t really eat ANYTHING right now so wah. [whines]

FUCK. KILLIAN. LIE DOWN. STOP TYPING. I NEED SOMEONE TO FUCKING WHACK ME WITH A FUCKING RULER OR SOMETHING LIKE THE NUNS USED TO DO IN MY PRIVATE, CATHOLIC SCHOOL. LMAO.

[stops now...for real this time...but reluctantly and rather bitterly]

[foundcarcosa]

cclxxxv.

o1. What sort of qualities (physical, mental, or otherwise) are you attracted to in others? >> Some particular arrangement of their features that can’t be categorised. Non-delicate features. A difficult-to-pinpoint air of sensuality. A broad sense of humour. Adaptability, fluidity, puckishness, playfulness. A flair with words. Weirdness (wyrdness) without self-deprecation.  Sometimes it’s just the last one, honestly.

o2. When you think of your childhood, are the memories mostly happy or sad? >> They’re mostly dim. I mostly remember my childhood through the stories my father tells over and over again to anyone who’ll listen. I wasn’t very invested in the mortal realm back then. o3. What is it like being you? Is it enjoyable? >> It’s enjoyable when it is. It has downsides just like everything else does. But I do my best with what I’ve got. o4. What are your opinions on love? >> I have had a million opinions on it, and now I’ve settled into not needing to opine about it at all. It is what it is when it is how it is. o5. Is love something with which you have had a good or bad experience? >> Both, of course. I’d have a woefully unbalanced view on it otherwise.

o6. What is something that you find extremely annoying? >> The clicking sound that most computer mice make. o7. Do you ever feel guilty? What do you feel guilty about most often? >> Rarely, if ever. o8. Do you like to hug others, or does it make you uncomfortable? >> I love to hug in headspace. In meatspace, I have a thousand mental blocks about physical contact, so it’s less enjoyable. o9. Would you consider yourself judgmental? If so, in what ways? >> I don’t think I judge people any more than the average person does (although, of course, I have no actual data on that). 1o. What are your thoughts on the cause of homosexuality? >> I personally don’t understand it as a cause, per se, but a way of being human that has been so intensely and chronically stigmatised by civilisation that fighting for the right to exist and benefit from society has come to be a defining part of gay life. Which, I guess, makes it a cause... I don’t know. The point is, I don’t know how to answer this question. 11. Is there anyone that you hate? What caused you to hate this person? >> No. 12. Are you typically forgiving? What things will you not forgive? >> Maybe? I tend to let a lot of things go because I don’t have the energy to care about them after enough time has passed. If I feel that my penchant for letting-go is being taken advantage of, though, it’ll go very badly for them. 13. Are there any sayings or cliches that you dislike? >> Sure. 14. Are wild parties something that you enjoy? Why/Why not? >> Sometimes. Because I’m Dionysian and I’m always going to love a good party. Just not all the time. Partying has steeply diminishing returns. 15. Do you relate to any of the characters in the last book that you read? >> The last book I finished wasn’t fiction. 16. How likely are you to read for fun? >> Quite often. 17. Do you ever look down on other people? Why/Why not? >> Sometimes, because I was socialised to think of people as inferior/superior instead of just as people. It’s a habit I’ve mostly broken, but social conditioning will always have a habit of rearing its head when I’m not paying attention. 18. What kind of survey questions do you dislike being asked the most? >> Honestly, I don’t care. If I don’t have an answer, I just skip the question. 19. Does poor grammar bother you, or are you more inclined to let it go? >> I really don’t give a fuck about your grammar unless it restricts my comprehension (and 9 times out of 10 it doesn’t). 2o. What subjects did you find most interesting in school? Least? >> I don’t know, because the way I was taught subjects in school was detrimental to my actual learning and interest. 21. What do you think of stereotypes? Do you think that they are accurate? >> I think stereotypes are a byproduct of the way human brains process and collate and recall information. They’re shortcuts, and like all shortcuts, they have downsides. Whether they’re accurate or not depends on where you’re standing and how you think. 22. What is one stereotype that you feel is absolutely untrue? >> I don’t think that about any stereotype. I think they are true when they are, and false when they are, and the main problem is that when they’re false it’s usually a quite uncharitable falseness for the person/demographic in question. 23. Would you feel comfortable with short hair, or do you prefer long hair? >> I have short hair and I prefer it that way for maintenance reasons. I would love to have long hair but it’d have to be fake. 24. What do you think your style says about you, if anything? >> I don’t know what it says about me aside from that I like metal bands and being comfortable and sometimes I like looking like a Hot Topic advertisement but other times I like looking like an RPG character. 25. Do you care deeply about your looks? >> Not deeply. 26. How long did it take you to get over the last person you dated? >> Hm. 27. How often do you feel the need to cuss? >> Constantly, lol 28. Have you ever laughed at a racist joke or comment? >> Sure. 29. Name three unusual items in your room. >> I don’t know how to determine if anything in here is unusual, because it’s all perfectly usual to me. 3o. What are some things that you do on a daily basis? >> Aside from the obvious: check my social media, play Animal Crossing Pocket Camp, and do my daily Memrise/Duolingo goals. 31. Which do you enjoy more–hot or cold beverages? >> I enjoy both. 32. Do you take pride in the things you do? >> Sure. 33. Do you like to write for fun? Have you shown anyone this writing? >> Yes and yes. 34. Who is the most unusual person you have ever met? >> I really don’t know how to quantify that. 35. What was the last big decision that you had to make? >> I’m not sure. I don’t feel like I make many big decisions. 36. Do you drink? >> Yes. 37. Do you see a problem with teenagers drinking? >> I do see a problem with it, because teenagers are already impulsive and emotionally charged and consequence-blind by nature, and alcohol increases both of those things tenfold. Not to mention there are things about drinking that you learn to do after a while -- like stopping even when your mind is like “nooo drink MOOOORE 8D” because you know better -- that is difficult to do when you’re young and think you’re invincible. This is not even getting into the social ramifications, which can be staggering (especially from a teenager’s point of view)... 38. What is one moral or belief you have? >> Hm. I don’t know... I think individualism as a social construct (that is, not the act of being an individual, but the encouragement to set oneself apart from others and cease to recognise other people as intrinsically connected to oneself for better or worse) is harmful to humans on several levels, and that it’s served to perpetuate a lot of -isms and other things that we’re now fighting against. 39. Do you get angry easily? What kinds of things make you angry? >> No. I actually have a hard time remembering what makes me actually angry since it happens so infrequently. 4o. How often do you eat breakfast? What do you tend to have? >> I eat after waking up, so yeah, I guess I eat breakfast. I tend to have whatever’s easiest to grab or whatever my executive function has the energy for. 41. What were some of your favorite bands from childhood? >> Pearl Jam is one. 42. How have your music tastes evolved over the years? >> I haven’t stopped liking the stuff I used to like, I just added on more and more stuff as time went on. 43. Have you ever laughed at or insulted anyone else’s music taste? >> I prefer not to. 44. What kinds of foods do you normally crave? >> Veggie burgers, salty things, salad, greens (baby spinach and kale especially). 45. What are some of your favorite internet sites? >> tumblr, reddit, readcomiconline, wikipedia, aeon.co. 46. If the internet was not available right now, what would you do instead? >> Probably read and play video games. 47. What is the most time that you you have spent online in one day? >> That’s hard to quantify these days, with the Internet of Things being such a big part of my life. Technically, I’m always online in some capacity -- even if I’m not on my computer, I have my phone. When I’m playing video games I’m often connected to the internet (and some games are online just by design). 48. How would you describe your relationship with your family? >> Nonexistent. 49. Are there any junk foods you really enjoy? Which ones? >> Kettle-cooked potato chips... gas-station sandwiches lmao 5o. During what time of day are you most likely to do surveys? >> Either at night or in the morning.

[bellarosepope]

5 Things to do Daily to Market Your Book Before it’s Even Finished

If you want to be successful, you need to market your book before it’s even completed. Here are a few simple things you can do daily to get the word out.

I’ll be honest. I had no idea how much you really need to market your book – before it’s even done! I was actually very naïve about the entire writing to publishing process before I decided I wanted to be an author. But the second I made that decision, I was all over the Internet doing research – another thing all aspiring authors should do before their book is completed.

I Googled the shit out of the different avenues of publishing and once I decided self-publishing was definitely for me, I narrowed my searches. And guess what?

I was basically clueless about how much work I’d really need to do.

Obviously, this didn’t deter me. It was just an eye opener. I learned that becoming an author isn’t just about the writing. It’s a business. And all businesses need great marketing in order to succeed.

Why you need to market your book before you’re done writing it.

I think it’s actually less about marketing your book as you’re writing it and more about marketing yourself as a writer in general. There are a lot of people out there who don’t see the point in spending their time marketing their writing.

Those people usually didn’t do their research about the publishing and selling process of being an author and they also probably won’t find much success when their book is released.

Don’t be that person.

You need to market your book as you’re writing it and even during the different stages. Why? Because who the hell is going to buy your book if nobody knows it exists? You need a fan base. You need to build interest and get your name out there. 

Without doing this, there won’t be anyone to buy the book you worked so hard to write. You’ll have to rely solely on someone randomly happening across it online and with millions of books out there, those odds aren’t very good.

But how do you market your book when it’s not even done yet?

It seems nearly impossible but I promise it’s not. There’s tons of helpful advice on how to market your book while you’re still in the stages of writing it.

But before we jump right into those details, let’s talk about what you need to do right away when you know you want to be an author. These are a few things I did within the first month or so of deciding I wanted to be an author:

Make social profiles – I’m talking about all the social profiles: Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Facebook, Pinterest, and any other ones you can think of. Try to make them all the same name, too. For example, on every single form of social media, my username is BellaRosePope. This is the name I’m going to be published as and, luckily, it was actually available on all platforms. If the name you’re going to use for publication isn’t available by itself, you can try adding things like “YourNameAuthor” or “BooksByYourName.” Any way of keeping it simple and memorable is best.

Make an author website – Yes, you do need a professional author website with a domain name that matches your social handles (preferably). Again, I was lucky that BellaRosePope.com was available to begin with. If you can’t afford to purchase a domain and hosting, you can get free hosting through different website platforms, but it will have the website after your name. For example, if I didn’t buy this domain, my website would read BellaRosePope.wordpress.com. This looks much less professional.

5 things you can do daily to market your book – before it’s done

There really isn’t an all-around checklist you should be following daily. However, I found these methods extremely helpful for me personally and they’re things I do every day or at least once or twice a week to grow my platform and establish myself as a writer.

1. Document your writing process

You can do this on your social platforms or by blogging or even both. I personally do both. When I have something extensive to share or I feel as though I have some tips that have helped me a lot personally, I’ll blog about it and post it on my website (like what you see right now) so I can help others, too.

You can even just post little updates on your social profiles. I find Twitter to be the best place to write short updates about how far I’ve written or if I passed a specific goal I had set. Tumblr is also a great place to post updates, as well.

Here are a few things you can talk about if you’re not sure what to share about your writing process:

New goals you make for that week

Anytime you surpass said goal

When you have a great new idea and want to share how awesome you are (I do this a lot :p )

Updates on edits

Issues you’re having in specific parts

Excerpts of chapters

Questions when you’re having trouble

Songs that inspired specific scenes

Pictures that are reminiscent of your book

2. Get social on Twitter

Twitter is actually a huge hangout for writers in the community. There are tons of them out there just looking for other writers to mingle with. Liking, replying, retweeting, and even messaging different writers can help expand your social network and you may even find new friends or possible critique partners.

But why should you connect with other writers when you want to market your book to readers?

Because writers are readers. I don’t think I’ve ever met or heard of an author who never read or didn’t like to read. Perhaps they’re out there, but the very large majority of other writers love to read.

Not only could they potentially buy your book when it’s published, they may also offer you advice for your writing journey since they’re writers, too.

In order to find other writers on Twitter, just search and use the following hashtags:

#amwriting / #amediting

#writer / #writers

#fantastywriter (that’s for me, you should use #yourgenrewriter)

#writingtips

#author / #aspiringauthor

#writerprobs / #writerproblems

#storyteller

Really, you can use any hashtag that gets the message across that you’re a writer. You can also pick up on hashtag use as you connect with more writers in the community.

3. Follow others in the writing community

Every single day I get on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr and I go through the same hashtags listed above and I find writers I think I would get along with. I stalk their profiles and websites and get to know a little bit about them. Then I’ll comment on a few of their things and just connect with them. This is a great way of building your platform base and gaining a following.

4. Join writing events online

A lot of people host daily events for writers, especially on Twitter. These aren’t huge things. More often than not, they’re usually just another writer who posts a theme for the day and you share a piece of your writing based on that and use the appropriate hashtag.

A few that come to mind right away from Twitter are:

#SlapDashSat hosted by @SlapDashSat

#Thurds hosted by @iamfunkhauser

#FriDare hosted by @Micascotti

#SciFiFri hosted by @SciFiPrompt

You can also find free writing events on Twitter by following @writevent. A number of authors also hold writer chats on different days of the week via their Twitters.

Here on Tumblr, there are TONS of “writer tags” you can participate in if you’re tagged. You can even make up your own and tag other writers. Here’s an example of one I invented (that people really hated – in a good way lol). This allows people to market themselves as a writer while also expanding your reach.

5. Share details about your writing

Do this all over the place. Talk about your book. Talk about the world you created. You can even talk about how you got started writing in the first place. So long as everyone within earshot (screenshot?) knows you’re a writer by what you share, it’ll work.

An author who does a great job of this and building hype for her book in general is Jenna Moreci. She hosts an event here on her Tumblr @jennamoreci every Tuesday called TSCTuesday where she answers your questions about her upcoming book, The Savior’s Champion, and people get PUMPED.

In general, you just need to get the word out that you’re writing a book and will publish it someday. You’ll have more success as an author if people know and remember you.

The most important part of being an author – aside from actually writing the book – is knowing how your market your book. You need people to know who you are and that you have a book in the works. It will build interest and excitement, which will lead to more sales when you finally get published!

                                        Read More Tips From My Site Here

[tomasleexyz]

No Online/Offline Boundary

If you're in retail business or often read the retail business news, you must notice about a term called "O2O," especially in China, refers to either "Offline-to-Online" or "Online-to-Offline" business model. There has been a debate heating up about online business wl gradually conquer the entire retail market.

In US, the eCommerce business is about 10% of $4.78 Trillions total retail market, increased fr 7% in last year; Amazon (AMZN), as everyone's expected, dominates the entire online channel segment. And on the opposite side of the Pacific Ocean, $1.56 Trillions China's online retail sales grew to a third of its total retail market in 2015. Bc of the rapid significant growth in %, everyone in conventional retail is panicking. Many media and analysts predicted Brick-n-Mortar and Malls wl die. In fact, the 'Big Boy' retailers, like Sears, Macy's, JC Penny, Targets, Best Buy, Walmart & more, are all facing struggles (Read their latest earning statements & you'll figure out why they're all profoundly worrying); Some are even hanging at the edge of bankruptcy. But where's their problem? Some conventional retailers have been the core of US economy in the 30's & 40's until the late 90's when internet booms. Is it really a technology invasion caused a shift of consumer shopping behavior? Or something else? I believe it's the latter, and here's why.

First of all, the total retail market's growing, so we have to look into why the consumers shop less physically, but more online consequently.

Is it bc of limited selection and availability? Nope, this restraint only applies in certain type of goods, and doesnt valid if your products are scarce and exclusive. Besides the well-known term “Showrooming,” there is actually a reverse behavior called “Webrooming.” For example, big screen TV sold much, much more volume in Costco and BBY than the entire online channel (AMZN tried to crack into this problem). Consumers wl go studying all product specifications and comparing price online, then make purchase offline bc of worrying about freight damage and ease of RMA. They would rarely buy online even if today’s Samsung 55” 4K UHD costs $100 less online with ‘Free Door-to-Door Shipping’ offer. It’s just the consumer’s dilemma/confidence matter (Many online merchants and media tried to reverse that, but wasnt much succeeded).

Is it bc of price incentive? Nope, just explained. Plus, shopping online is not necessary cheaper, depending on the economy of scale the retailers we compare in here. Moreover, freight logistic cost (Labor, cost of maintenance & fuel) is progressively increasing thru time trajectory; AMZN is trying to 'w00t' everyone signs up their “Prime”, not only bc of increasing customer loyalty, # of purchase frequency, total revenue per customer & so forth, but to also fundamentally offload the baseline cost of logistic (Not gonna explain the detail math, maybe another time; Pls simply acknowledge the 2-days shipping costs AMZN less than a single package ground-shipped by consumer). Also, guess what? AMZN doesnt offer the best price in town according to many retail researches.

Is it then due to convenience and time saving? Yes, but not 100% relevant to the Cost of Productivity/Opportunity Cost/Product Lifetime Value. Each customer segment apparently has its own distinguishable psychological profile. Let's just say the Soccer Moms (Not saying their time is not important), would they rather go for shopping enjoyment or stay home waiting just for a 'brown-carton-box' delivery, under the circumstance all associated costs (Price, gas & mileage) in shopping online & offline are equivalent? Most would choose the former. In contrast, most married men wl likely make an inverse decision (Shopping is not in men's nature; Also, the reason why @MiserableMen got so popular on IG). Hope that answered you.

Of course, we can continue going on-n'-on to evaluate, review and debate in many more different aspects. But while wandering our answer, shall we first ask why the Homo Sapiens is shopping at the first place? In consumer psychology prospective, "The motivation for almost everything we buy has something to do with connecting with other human beings." You may argue online retailers do provide social marketing activities to form community bonding stronger ‘relationship’ with customers, dont they? Yes, but different from physical engagement. As a social species, we like to observe, talk, smell, touch and feel objects, and importantly gain recognition from another. Why is Apparel being such a big category? Bc we wanna be more appeal to others (Identity Crisis); otherwise, we can all wear a simple, plain white t-shirt at all time (In a fact, that's my signature dress style for a couple years in the past. Friends & collegues would come and ask if I washed my clothes. Haha… And look what FB’s Mark Zuckerberg wears on everyday now); therefore, technology delivers immersive experience, like VR, could be a real threat to all offline businesses. Alrighty, let’s get back to my topic “No Online/Offline Boundary.”  

Now, the question is whether today’s ‘Brick n' Mortar’ provide any incremental value to consumers? Yes, but not thoroughly. Like the famous A&F stores (Set aside its controversy), once every youngster loved, every merchandise, every interaction and every touch inside the retail store’s set systematically - very ‘robotic’. In each time walked by their stores’ window, you see the exact same set of seasonal clothing displayed; You’re then welcomed by their 'cloned' associates trained with a big sunny smile; You’ll always find the women session’s on the left, men’s on the right, and the sales session’s at the bottom-end of their stores (This precise 'uniform' floor plan was hyper-sensitively designed, not the work of laziness); You can ‘conveniently’ locate the exact style of clothing with different size and color at the same area in every store; Last but not least, you’ll be lining up in front of the POS counter before checkout. What an exhilarating shopping experience, isn't it?!

In contrary, let’s look at the “Think Different” Apple Store, whom turns 15yrs old & already earns $5,546/ sq. ft on the top of all retailers (Unfortunate AAPL decided not to disclose its stores performance from 2016 on), similar storefront can be found, but never identical. Every store may have familiar placement, but does keep its distinctive window displays and interior design. Not only your loved products can be checkout and pickup right away from any associate with POS machine, and your receipt/activity record wl be emailed and detail-documented in your Apple ID account (No paper waste). In additional, every online order you place can be picked up in any store at your convenience time during their hours. If needed a repair or product problem, you can either schedule online for an appointment or simply walk-in and drop-by the bar. An estimated repairing time’s given, and an txt message or email wl notify you when ready, so no valuable time's wasted. Beside that, new Apple application skills can be learnt for FREE or any in-store event can be participated by easily signing up on Apple.com. Moreover, their 'non-cookie cutting' associates (Their appearance never looks alike, even though wearing the same Apple t-shirt uniform) are very sociable, and they wont feel annoying if you have endless questions. Presently, they take one step further in their latest SF Union Square and NY WTC stores; Both stores turned into recreation park. Haha… Very spacey and lots of trees inside. There are even stools available for utilizing the way you like (I see people stack them up as table) or resting in front of their crystal-clear, gigantic display to watch their demos or just people-watching all day long. Furthermore, to enchant your visit, there’s a beautiful garden for you to enjoy the wonderful sunshine (I dont think you can do picnic yet). You'll also find the design language of their ‘Store’ pulled in sync with their web site. It’s a successful role model for every retailer to follow.

How about AMZN? Do you feel engaged with their brand? I know I dont (Wasnt bc I worked at their rival, EGG, in before. LOL). They’re literally a cold-hearted marketplace for trading products only. Once you find what the product you need, you leave. Dislike a product, write a nasty review and the seller wl compensate you or contact AMZN for a refund, and pretty much about it (Very soon 'Alexa' wl call you for satisfaction survey). Shoppers have no sense of emotion attachment with this brand. And that’s why AMZN, the ‘800lbs Gorilla’, once single-handedly wiped out the entire bookstore industry (Still remember the Borders and Barnes & Noble stories, anyone?), starts building the “Bookstore” again. First experimented the campus stores at the Purdue University and UC Davis, now in Seattle, San Diego and Portland, and more to come soon. In stores, they thoughtfully use the AI algorithms to place selective best selling books in the limited retail space, and display their latest electronic gadgets like the Kindle, Fire Series, and Echo withal. Most importantly, the stores provide the “Order online, Pick up here” service (AMZN Locker) to connect the dots between its online and offline business. But why, if the ‘Retail Stores is Going to Die”? Online business would never survive without offline presence, so does the other way around (Read the KPCB Internet Trends Report 2016 below to understand more).

You see where I’ve been guiding you to? If still not following, how about a last example in shopping 3D technology products online? Please try visualizing the three-dimensional effect of video content (Or now VR) on the flat 2D monitor screen you’re staring at now. It’s just not possible, and that’s why the 3D TV category failed online miserably. Consumers just cant relate to the stunting visual experience and see the value of that technology. (3D TV failure in mass adoption's mainly caused by its immature technology). As you may see, online retailers, as well, have its own limitation and boundary. On the other hand, the arisen of VR technology wl write a new chapter in retail history if intelligently submerged into shopping experience (Again, another topic yet another time). Then, the landscape of online vs offline business may change.

In a conclusion, why today’s offline retailers failed is the lack of presence customer experience, but not by the influence of online business. Brick-n-Mortar can competently fix this problem and captivate better shopping experience by integrating the concurrent technologies, such as Beacon, Chatbot, AI and Machine Learning. The problem I see yonder in those offline-retail corporate giants is the poor resource allocation planning, deficient technology-integrated infrastructure and bureaucracy.

Highly satisfied Customer Experience (CX) is the key to open the door of success to all businesses.

Hope this post gives you a different viewpoint about retail business. I would also like to hear your opinions below. Thanks for reading.

Ref. 

1.The Case for the American Mall

2. http://www.mckinsey.com/industries/retail/our-insights/here-comes-the-modern-chinese-consumer

3. http://www.slideshare.net/kleinerperkins/2016-internet-trends-report