#if anyone is mean to carrot i will kill them.

[girlbeyondthegrave]

THINGS I NOTICED WHILE WATCHING BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE AGAIN:

This is a very Beetlebabes-centric post, so if you don’t like the ship, please feel free to scroll away. <3

Beetlejuice cut Delores’ ring finger off, and while it was originally a fun joke in the first movie, there’s deep implications about that action when we look at it with the context of the second film. Beetlejuice attacked her after she betrayed him. Anyone would want to kill the person that poisoned them, but the fact that he took the time to find her finger and deliberately cut her ring finger off (and ONLY that finger) reflects how much that marriage meant to him. It also symbolizes that he’s effectively dissolving their marriage. He’s cut off the physical representation of their love and taken the ring, which he tries to give to Lydia hundreds of years later. He held onto that ring for centuries in hopes of finding someone he deemed worthy of it.

He calls his dynamic with Lydia a long-distance relationship, which could’ve been a throwaway joke if not for the fact that when he clearly notices how hot Janet is, he never talks to her or gropes her like he did with Barbara prior to meeting Lydia. Keaton said BJ wouldn’t be politically correct, so this isn’t to reflect the current political climate, but rather to reflect BJ’s motivations.

Beetlejuice was jobless at the start of the first movie, and in thirty years he’s built a company for his bio-exorcisms. Coupled with the picture of Lydia on his desk, it’s possible he did this to impress her. After all, she’s famous and rich now. BJ’s gotta step it up, y’know?

Probably overheard the convo between Lydia and Rory and deliberately bugged her at that time, because if he can possess the phone or whatever, he can probably use it to eavesdrop. This can be further supported by how he got rid of the influencers but kept the people that mattered to Lydia present—Delia and Astrid.

We can also assume he overheard the conversation where Lydia said that Rory loves her and that has to be enough because of the panning to a gravestone. BJ has a special fascination with graveyards, even tiny model ones. If he did overhear them, it explains why he used the truth serum on Rory. He’s testing him. He wants to see if this guy actually loves Lydia or if he’s using her, and then he gives Lydia the means to exact revenge on Rory rather than doing anything himself.

Lydia spends half the movie being strong -armed into a marriage with Rory, and in a way, it’s reminiscent of the first movie’s marriage attempt. Rory dangles their “love” in front of her like a carrot, and if she doesn’t want to be alone, she has to accept his manipulation and agree to get married. Yet she immediately offers it to Beetlejuice, only sounding annoyed rather than terrified. And the movie spends a lot of time proving that BJ has sincere motives this time around, whereas Rory doesn’t. It pushes an underlying message that if one of these guys is going to be a better choice, it’ll be BJ.

Despite Lydia having a tendency to back out of their deals, he still helps her first. He prioritizes saving Astrid even before finding his “runaway bride” again.

Casually calls Lydia the love of his life, looks so sincere when he says he’ll make her so happy. Clearly spent those 30 years planning that dream-dance sequence.

He doesn’t seem to care that Lydia’s sending him away. That coupled with the end scene illustrates how confident he is this time around. Lydia is still stuck with him, and even if he didn’t get her this time, he will eventually. But he also knows how spooked she is by marriage after being a snoop, so it’s possible that he’s just taking it slow on purpose.

In conclusion: Beetlejuice genuinely does want to be with Lydia and care about her. His feelings have evolved beyond permanent residence in the mortal world. If anything, if he still wants that, it’s so he can be by her side.

[anawrites3]

Dick getting turned into a bunny and taking the opportunity to annoy the hell out of Slade. Slade knows its Dick, but not anyone else. So you see this big mean merc with a bunny perched on his shoulder.

Extended version on ao3

"I'm going to kill Constantine." Slade muttered to himself, dragging a hand down his face.

Dick – excuse him, Dick in a body of a fucking bunny – flicked one of his ears at him. He kept crunching happily at the carrot Slade gave him, giving Slade a blissful break from him running all over his safehouse. Of course Grayson's ADHD only intensified after getting turned into a fucking bunny.

It's been four days. Four fucking days and they still didn't have a way to turn Dick back into a human. So, what it meant was that for the past four days Dick had been annoying the hell out of Slade while having the time of his life himself. At this point Slade considered throwing him out onto the streets or just simply giving him away to the Bat but he didn't feel like bothering with the consequences of it (read: dealing with annoyed Grayson).

That still didn't mean he had to be happy about the whole thing.

"I hope you're aware that I'll make you pay for all of this when you're back to normal." Slade promised. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall. "I'm going to fuck stupid ideas out of you."

Dick dropped the carrot, his little nose twitching.

------

Slade had a job to do. He had a job to do that he couldn't put off any longer but he also had his boyfriend turned into a bunny that didn't want to stay in the safehouse like a good boy (that he very much wasn't). Dick actually bit him when he tried to lock him up in the bedroom so Slade didn't have any other option than take Dick with him.

"Behave." Slade growled out when Dick began running around the rooftop they were placed on, two buildings away from where his mark was sitting. "I will let you fall if you decide to jump off."

Dick sent him a look that ever in a bunny body Slade was able to recognize as No, you won't but he did calmed down just a bit. Slade sighed again but trusted him to not die and came back to preparing his rifle. It was a simple work, just scaring his target a little which was the only reason why he allowed Dick to come.

He was able to put up with a lot of things but he didn't think he'd be able to survive Nightwing trying to mess up his contract as a fucking bunny.

Thankfully, Dick didn't try anything stupid this time. He ran around the rooftop a few more times, obnoxiously happy just to be outside after a few days of being forced to stay in the safehouse and then he jumped onto Slade's back and curled there for a nap.

"That's a really awful place to be right now." Slade told him, aiming.

Dick ignored him. So, Slade pulled the trigger and didn't even feel bad when Dick fell off of his back from the recoil force.

------

"Fuck! Fuck, that's Deathstro-"

The thug cut off sharply, his gaze focusing on the bunny perched on Deathstroke's shoulder. His friends stopped, alarmed by the way he froze and looked towards Slade as well.

One of them began to laugh.

"Shut the fuck up!" The first one hissed, punching him strongly in the arm.

Slade watched it all happen in a bored fashion, though he was beginning to get annoyed really fast. Dick nosed at his cheek through the mask.

"Sorry, sorry, I can't-!" He covered his lips with a hand though he continued laughing, so hard that he threw his head back. "I just-! Look at him!"

"I-I would prefer not to..." The second one mumbled, subtly moving back.

Slade lifted a hand, the one without a gun, to stroke lightly Dick's fur. The move only made the thug cackle more heavily.

"He has a fucking bunny on his shoulder! That's so cute!"

"Um, for the record, Mister Deathstroke..." The second one spoke up again. He lifted his hands in the air, body tensing all over when Slade focused his gaze on him. "I think you can do whatever you want to do and that- that your bunny is very cute!"

"Thank you." Slade said.

And then he shot the laughing thug right in the head.

------

"Deathstroke! Stop right there!"

Slade sighed. He did it a lot since Dick got turned into a fucking pet and he knew that if Dick were able to speak he would be pointing it out for him every time. But he wasn't. He was sitting silently on Slade's shoulder, like he did everytime they went out now, and for how little he was he attracted a lot of attention.

So of course Batman's little sidekick had to notice him as well.

"Run along, Robin." Slade advised, pulling out his sword. Dick nibbled at his mask in warning. "This late kids should be already in bed."

Robin scoffed but before he came up with any answer, he noticed the bunny on his shoulder. His eyes narrowed.

"Where is that bunny from?" He demanded.

"None of your business, kid."

"Give him to me!"

Slade blinked. That one he didn't expect, though he supposed it wasn't that surprising. Dick told him how much of an animal person young Wayne was and about the little zoo he's keeping at the back of Wayne manor.

"No."

Damian's face twisted, as if he actually expected Slade to just hand over the bunny.

"Give him to me!" He repeated, as if that would somehow change Slade's mind. Really, the only thing that was missing from the picture was him stomping his feet like a child he was.

Slade huffed. "Why would I do that? I'm not letting you steal my bunny."

"Steal?!" Damian echoed, agitated. "I'm not-"

That's when Batman decided to show up as well. He jumped down onto the rooftop next to Damian, his boots making a soft thud as they hit the concrete and Dick's ears flicked at the sight of him.

"Deathstroke." He growled out before taking him in properly. He blinked a few times. "Is that a bunny on your shoulder?"

Slade could just sigh again.

[nevertheless-moving]

unable to stop dwelling on the discworld trouser leg of time where, in the penultimate fight scene in Nightwatch, Carcer manages to kill teenage Sam Vimes.

Which means that the future that Duke Vimes came from can no longer exist, which means he can’t go home. Meanwhile you’ve got a bunch of history monks with stored up temporal energy, a prepared space outside of time, and the need to do some desperate damage control before the Auditors get involved. Death shows up, reality is unweaving, Sam is reading Carcer his discworld miranda rights because what else is he supposed to do.

and finally, with little other option, the monks de-age Sam so he fits the time period and send him back out into the fray.

(they didn't call it deageing of course. His memory is hazy, splintered during that terrible in between moment, They....took the time out of him? Sanded away the edges of his self for a terrible, workable fit? It...wasn't a good feeling.)

Just—damn. Sam Vimes having to live his whole crapsack life over again, but this time as his disillusioned-reillusioned, unwillingly-character-developed, noir-epic, Duke of Ankh, Commander Sir Samuel Vimes self. 

Younger (Older? He's never felt so Old, His steps so Childlike, reality twisting in his gut like one of Dibbler's pies) Sam Vimes walking around in a haze after the revolution. Desperate to go home, knowing he can’t. Wanting to drink. Knowing he can’t.

The whole precinct feels pity, he really took Keel’s death hard, hardly speaks except to do his job. Eventually he has to grit his teeth and start being present, because what else is there to do?

Resists the urge to drink until Colon takes the whole watch out to celebrate because -he’s going to be a father!

Come on Sammy, one drink won’t kill you— and after the first drink he’s cracking jokes and after the second hes smiling and after the third hes honestly the life of the party and sometime after that he’s crying about how he was going to be a father and my wife would be ashamed if she saw me drinking like this and— 

Oh shit, Did anyone else know he had a wife?? A PREGNANT wife??? What—aren’t you like 12—no you're 17 now aren't you but when did—

You guys n’ver met ’er—oh gods none if you ev’n know ‘er, is jus’ me...

What—when did you lose—

I lost her the same damn day I los’ ev’rythin else, whadya think...bleeding Carcer...the fuckin revolution...

So! That! Sam only vaguely remembers the night, but rumors travel faster than light on the disc, so by the next day the whole damn city knows about poor Sam brung low by the loss of his poor, tragic, pregnant wife, so young to be a widower, and the Seamstresses nod because they already knew, don’t ask them how, somethings you just have to know in that trade.

And his mother—I don’t know, sue me, I’m a time travel fiend but there’s something deeply intriguing about a man meeting his dead parent, who is somewhat younger than him, and stepping into the old relationship like a badly fitting thing that's supposed to fit well. She would know, right? How would she deal with her son’s impossible grief? Maybe she wouldn’t know—he spent most of the time out of the house, running with different street gangs, maybe he avoids her until she dies and lives with the guilt twice over. God, we don’t even know her name. There’s just so much narrative and emotional potential that I don’t even know where to start.

When he’s on duty, which is most time - it’s agonizing because at first he remembers cases, saves lives that would have been lost. But the more time passes, the hazier his memory because in the original timeline he was becoming an alcoholic. Fuck! A kid dies and he could have saved her if he hadn’t been such a drunk, if he had just remembered where the asshole lived, but it’s all a haze, and he wants to drown out his guilt, but that’s what caused this in the first place.

Good young Sammy, who spends his rare off-time in dusty libraries (and yes, the irony that he’s apparently Carrot now is not lost on him) reading gods-only-know.

It’s not like he can ask the wizards for help, cutthroat and vicious as they are now in the not-so-distant-past.

Good young Sam, who...talks to the Broken Drum’s pet Bouncer like he’s a real person and not a dumb rock? That’s a bit weird, but he’s a bit of a funny guy.

Good old Sam, who believed the testimony of the dwarf who said the humans were trying to rob him and let the dwarf go??

the PROBLEMS this man would cause, good grief. Can you imagine a moderately progressive middle aged man with some degree of begrudging diversity and equity training that he did, for all his sins, pay attention to, suddenly going back to like, 1990, going back just 30 years, and going...oh damn this is kind of fucked up, no man you can’t say that, holy shit.

Except Sam’s lived through even more rapidly shifting social moroes! There’s no seamstress guild, there’s no women allowed inside the university, there’s no black ribboner’s society. People hunted trolls for their teeth! But Sam can’t just unlearn everything, and he can’t shut up, and he has no real luck and anyway he would absolutely get himself (temporarily) fired.

FUCK. Sam has no idea what to do with that. None. Zero clue. Wanders around in a haze until that dwarf he saved from police brutality finds him and insists on repaying the debt. No, he insists, do you have any idea what debt means to a dwarf?

“Sort-of?” he replies hesitantly, and that honest admission of incomplete knowledge shows a hell of a lot more respect and understanding than any self proclaimed dwarf-expert ever did.

Gets a job as a surface man, hauling rocks into the city. It’s backbreaking work, but, in true Discworld fashion, it’s also one hell of a workout (again the irony of being Carrot is not lost him. he freezes for a minute while hauling a rock cart, when he remembers he's technically Lost Nobility too, in a strict sense, but someone curses at him in the street and he's comfortingly grounded)

And here is where this au slides into a SPECTACULAR romantic comedy, BEAR WITH ME. Because in his time on the Watch he’s already done noir, action adventure, war story, detective who dunnit, psychological horror, but guards guards only allowed him to be a romance protagonist in an extremely limited context.

Give me righteous, twenty-something-looking, can’t-say-he-doesn’t-have-style, young Sam Vimes, not an alcoholic,  being fed three square meals a day by his dwarven forced found family, hauling rocks. He is startled to find him bumping his head on a low hanging bar that he doesn’t think used to be there, eventually realizing that he’s an inch or two taller than he remembers. Huh. Guess all that bearhuggers really did stunt his growth.

Still doesn’t get what some of the looks from women he’s getting are about, sure, he’s dirty but so is everyone else. Fine, he took his shirt off, but it’s hot out, there’s far wrinklier than him hauling heavy loads, get a life. 

Happens to glance in the Ankh one day when it’s particularly slow and shiny and is startled to realize that he might be turning heads for a different reason. Oh. Right, not that he was ever a heartbreaker, but he did alright for himself... when he was a younger and his face hadn’t been broken so many times. Which...it isn't now.

Is mildly disturbed by the revelation.

Especially once things blow over at the precinct and what with high mortality rates, he ends up with getting hired again. The boys are delighted to have him back, nevermind that he’s an odd one, noone is ever quite in your corner like Vimsey, absence makes the heart fonder, no one else works that hard, and he’s not even competition for promotion. All around great guy, we should set him up with somebody and just, no.

It just keeps getting worse! He’s literate! He’s a feminist! He believes abuse victims! He’s got a tragic backstory! He’s unreasonably good in a fistfight! He’s kind to animals! Word gets around that there’s a good man on the watch and he’s just waiting for a good woman to come snap him up. The widower excuse doesn’t hold people off completely, and for some it’s its own sort-of appeal. 

Things REALLY become stressful after he rescues that carriage full of noblewoman.

What’s he supposed to do? Let them get robbed? Or worse? Chasing down and beating up 10 goons is as easy as beating up one, when they’re that stupid, getting separated like that, drunk and distracted, and he knows these streets better than anyone, really it’s nothing. And oh lord he’s Modest too.

I mean, they were genuinely greatful, as genuine as people like that are capable of being, the skill having grown rusty. And then there is something...magnetic about the man. An air of command.

So, soon enough you get Lady Marigold of Marigrave calling on Treckle Road for that gallant young officer who rescued them, she really needs to thank him. And Viscountess Elanor Thitzferal specifically requesting that he guard her at her next soiree. And Baroness Julieta van Shoeholten insisting that he come to her home while her husband’s away, for... manly protection.

Aaaah just zero sympathy from the guys. None. 'It’s become a competition, they’re just trying to see who can get me into bed first, it’s like I’m a piece of meat, you can’t send me sir, the Marquess greeted me in a nightee last time you made me go to—' and 'small gods Vimes are you even listening to yourself, shut the hell up'.

Simultaneous to this, (again this is several years into the timeline) swamp dragon accessories come into style. Which means abandoned swamp dragons scrounging on the street. Vimes takes one back to his apartment, blows his paycheck on dragon medicine, and eventually, heart in his chest, brings it to the Ramkin estate. The sunshine orphanage doesn’t even exist yet and he’s just standing outside the gates like an idiot, what is he thinking. Turns around, but her carriage is pulling up and—

well. they meet. it's cute. he's never felt so young. he's never felt so old, too old for her, too poor—

and certainly her thoughts linger too long on the awkward, kindly, handsome young commoner, but is it any wonder she doesn't quite connect it to the stern, dangerous, sexy young guard the ladies seem to be in some quiet, cuthroat competition over?

i have this gorgeous, absurd scene in my head in which Vimes is strong armed into standing guard at some high society soiree and one of the pushiest ladies insists he dance with here, or, if he prefers, if he's not confident about his skills, he can dance with her in-private at her home and he’s like [grinding teeth, looking for a way out, seeinf one] “I would be honored to dance with you.”

Steps right into some ultra-complex dance with multiple partner swaps (she never thought he'd pick this one, devilishly intimidating to one not strictly trained, and you barely spend anytime with your first partner).

But he does alright. Better than alright, for a common man, sometimes misstepping but his hands and feet always end up where they need to be. Raises several eyebrows part way into the song because he's throuwing in some slightly scandalous, no innovative, extra lifts and twirls that wouldn't become fashionable for another decade or two. Who even is that guy? Some out of towner? No, no he's in a guards uniform...how very strange.

Gets to Sybll and she's used to embarrassment during these dances, she tries to get out of them when she can... but can't always. Men awkwardly skipping the lifts, or worse, trying and failing. But him — oh it's him, the one who helped little Erold, and looked at her like—like—well like she was someone beautiful. And he's doing it again, and he's strong and there's a quiet moment where she's in the air, they lock eyes, and the rest of the room melts away.

And then the partners change again, the moment ended.

Just...living throught it all again. To the left, a dance he almost knows the steps to, throwing others off balance with erratic moves , honest mistakes, and delibrate stepping on toes. Improvising. Ruining. Improving. Getting far, far too much attention.

Hes almost excited when the first assassains start coming after him. It's like a hobby.

Everyone tells him he should get a hobby.

Interactions with young vetinari...I don't have the energy to write it all down, the slow circling in on each other, both burning with the need to fix the city, save it, their city.

needless to say he ends up fired again, life under real threat after offending some high lord.

Conveniently enough he has an employment opportunity- bodyguard to fucking Vetinari on his 'grand sneer.' The bastard knows vimes isn't what he seems, though sam is pretty sure that he doesnt know the exacts.

Vetinari hypothesis:(the ghost of keel? Keels son, with some hereditary curse? Or a larger spirit of justice possessing a string of unrelated souls? He knows things he shouldn't- mind reader? Fortune teller? Havelock once arranged for a wizard to bump into him on the street, the magical fool gave an odd double look and then muttered something about destiny looping in on itself giving him a headache. Destiny? Lost noble? And hes far too familiar with sybyl, one of the few bearable noblewomen in this city. And his thoughts on guilds, when havelock can trip him into speaking... Most of all, if hes reading him at all correctly (for all the mystery hes not that hard to read, unless thats a very clever cover) then it seems that behind those dark haunted eyes is Respect. Loyalty. For vetinari. What an interesting man. A puzzling asset. An intriguing threat. )

Did I mention the timeline is changing, healing slowly around the place where it was torn? Healing enough around scars to perhaps get some flexibility back, with some painful stretches and...massaging of said scar tissue?

And hes heading to unresting uberwald, a place where a werewolf pack still hunts humans and, truely unrelated but perhaps equally exhausting, an eldritch spirit of vengeance just might be looking to stretch its legs in a hapless vessel?

Opening drabble Vimes Vetinari Meta (Unwell) Scene from the Uberwald Grand Sneer

[lulublack90]

Prompt 15 - Accept

@jegulus-microfic July 15, Word count 423

Because I can't help myself this is part 2 carrying on from Prompt 14 - Rejection. It's probaly only going to be three parts. Probably.

First part

It wasn’t until Regulus stood beside his cauldron in Potions that his brain caught up with his actions. Had he really just agreed to go on a date with James Potter? He was so distracted by this thought that he almost forgot to add the dandelion roots. His potion would have been useless by the end of the hour if he’d forgotten them. 

“Are you feeling quite well, Regulus my boy?” Professor Slughorn asked him once the lesson was over, and if old Sluggers had noticed he wasn’t himself, then the others would have as well.

“So,” Barty crowed at him once they were free of the potion's classroom. “What’s got your knickers in a twist?”

“Leave him be, Barty,” Evan said as he pulled Barty’s arm away from Regulus’s shoulder. “He’s probably just thinking about all the ways he could kill you and get away with it,” Evan joked. Barty stopped dead in the middle of the corridor. 

“I resent that. I would never let Regulus dispose of me that easily.” Barty scoffed, ruffling Regulus’s hair. His hand hadn’t even left Regulus’s curls before a wand was pressed into his throat. Barty put both hands up in surrender. 

“I mean, he has warned you multiple times not to do that,” Evan raised his brow pointedly and gently pointed Regulus’s wand away from Barty. “Let’s just go get some dinner and relax, yeah?” Regulus pocketed his wand and led them up to the great hall. 

Dinner wasn’t nearly as calm as he thought it would be. His brother and co were sitting further down the Gryffindor table than usual, and he could hear everything Sirius was saying. 

“Why do we have to sit down here, James?” Sirius complained loudly. 

“Just fancied a change,” James said, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Is it because of Evans earlier? Prongs you just have to accept she’s not into you,” Sirius proclaimed as he speared a carrot with his fork. 

“I have,” James told him, as he took a swig of his pumpkin juice. 

“Wait, what?! Since when? Merlin’s beard, Prongs, is there someone else?!” Sirius said far too excitedly. His head spinning around the room as if there would be a sign. His eyes flickered over Regulus but didn’t linger. Typical Sirius wouldn’t ever consider him, although he wasn’t sure that James had told anyone he liked boys. Perhaps he hadn’t known. Just then, James looked up and their eyes met. A soft smile crept onto Regulus’s face without his permission, James’s returned beam made his heart soar.

Next part

[flowersbane]

a scenario with a baker!reader gifting Joshua a little cake… which he happily eats (it’s carrot cake and he has no clue lol)

Idk but I wanted to share my silly little thought because I enjoyed your writing :’3

pls, this idea is so freaking cute!!! i'm so glad i finally got to write it, thank you so much for your request and patience, i hope you enjoy

(=´∀｀)人(´∀｀=)

The Trojan Cake

Joshua Rosfield x Reader

I might write another, shorter version of this where the reader bakes him a carrot cake without knowing about his carrot aversion, but, idk, let me know if anyone wants to see that. It would have to be a bit further in the future because I have some other things I'm working on that you can learn about here.

Rating: General Audiences

Word Count: 1.5k

Tags: Baker!Reader, Finally Getting Joshua To Eat Some Gosh Darn Vegetables, Fluff, Teasing, Unedited, Lots Of Appearances From Other Characters, Fun, Cutesy, Joshua Is Just A Big Golden Retriever

A new shipment of baking supplies was due to arrive today. You sway on your feet as you wait. Water laps at the wood beneath you, but you pay it no mind. Cursebreakers and laborers work on moving boxes off the ship and onto the Hideaway’s Pier.

“Carrots? Again?” Gav’s voice sounds from nearby. “And what are we supposed to do with all of these? We still haven’t gotten through the last shipment of them. There’s only so much carrot bisque a man can stomach. Soon enough, half the Hideaway’ll have orange hair and orange skin.”

Otto sighs. “Food’s food, Gav. We’ll find some use for them.”

Gav’s disgruntled expression doesn’t fade. “Unbelievable.”

Your attention is caught by someone calling your name. Mid waves you over from the ship’s deck. “You’ve got to come and see this! You’ll be grinning from ear to ear when you see how much stuff they’ve sent for you!”

You’re already grinning from ear to ear by the time you reach her side. Crates of flour, sugar, and yeast are tied down to the deck with sturdy rope. “And this is all for me?” you ask.

“You’re the one best suited for it,” Mid points out. “Now, I don’t mean to rush you but I’m pretty sure everyone at the Hideaway can already smell all the fresh baked sweets!”

“Oh, certainly,” Cole agrees as he and a handful of other Cursebreakers approach. “We’ll get these supplies to the Ale Hall,” he assures you.

“What are you going to make?” asks Mid.

You miss a beat before answering, “it’s a surprise.” In truth, you have no idea. You know the people of the Hideaway would be happy with anything you baked, but you didn’t want to fall into a boring routine. You wanted to try something new, even if you didn’t need to.

Mid only makes an excited sound from behind sealed lips. “The suspense is killing me!”

You laugh, but you know how she feels. The frustration of not knowing what you’ll bake weighs on you as well. “Well, best get to it.”

You descend from the boat and make your way back up to the main floor of the Hideaway. There are plenty of boxes that still need to be moved, so the lift is somewhat crowded. You wait for a path to be cleared before darting out.

“Have you tried chopping them up and hiding them in a stew?” Tarja’s voice catches your ear. She and Jote are crossing the Boarding Deck, clearly on their way to the Infirmary.

“If he sees them, he’ll claim he’s not hungry and refuse to eat,” Jote replies. “Not to mention, I can’t say I feel very comfortable trying to deceive His Grace.”

“They’re just carrots, Jote. I’m sure your decree says nothing against ensuring the Phoenix eats well.”

“If it were up to His Grace, I’m sure there would be.”

You continue your way into the main hall. It’s not uncommon to hear Tarja complaining about Joshua’s bad habits. You suppose this time it’s his aversion to vegetables. Especially carrots. Unfortunate, given that seems to be what the Hideaway has most of these days.

You’re halfway across the Main Deck when someone else calls your name, their voice sounding from your left. Speak of the devil. Joshua approaches with an easy skip to his step. The smile on his face tells you that he’s heard about your new arrival of supplies, but not that of the carrots’ reinforcements. Well, he might’ve and is simply choosing to ignore it. In fact, that is more likely to be the reality of things.

“I heard about the shipment of goods. Will you get to baking soon?”

If he were a dog, his tail would be wagging uncontrollably despite his cool disposition. You nod, your own smile creeping onto your face as an idea begins to form. “And you’ll be the first to get a taste.”

“Really? I will?”

You nod again. He’s always terribly eager to sample your new recipes.

He’ll have no idea. “Ah, my love, you’re brilliant.” He places a hand on either side of your head and plants a kiss on your forehead. “I’ll look forward to it.”

“You should.” You certainly are.

As he disappears on to the Boarding Deck, you dart over to the bar. 

“Psst. Cole.” You wave the cursebreaker over.

“What is it?”

“Could you acquire me a crate of those carrots that just arrived? I have plans for them. Oh, but don’t let Joshua know. Keep this between us.”

He gives you a curious look, but does as you ask without question. You ask another of the cursebreakers to keep Joshua distracted for the time being. Your plans would be ruined if he were to walk in midway through.

“What, exactly, are you planning?” someone asks from behind you.

Jill runs her finger over the wooden boxes on the counter. You can’t help the little, proud gleam in your eye. “I’m going to get Joshua to eat carrots and like them,” you declare.

“Oh?”

“A carrot cake! He won’t even know they’re there.”

“I’m not sure if eating carrots in a cake counts as Joshua getting a proper intake of vegetables,” she points out.

You shrug. “Gotta start somewhere.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Lots.” 

You, Jill, and a handful of other helpers get to work immediately. With no time to waste, the work is made lighter with more hands to share in its labor. The only thing you can’t speed up is the time of actual baking.

“Do you truly believe this will work?” Jill asks.

“I do. Although, it would be a little funny if he could tell anyway. Like some sort of carrot-sniffing bloodhound. A carrot-hound.”

“Who’s a carrot-hound?” Clive stops at Jill’s side.

“Depending on the results of this experiment, Joshua.”

Clive gives you an almost pained look. “Please do not tell me you’re planning on experimenting on my brother.”

“I promise it won’t become a regular occurrence. Probably. Most likely.”

Clive only sighs and shakes his head.

The cakes finish baking and the air is filled with the scent of freshly baked sweets. You and your assistants–now including Clive–are just finishing spreading the frosting when Joshua arrives, eyes alight with excitement. He says your name with a boyish eagerness that makes your heart squeeze. He truly has no idea. “I hope no one has prevented you from keeping your promise to me.”

You do your best not to roll your eyes. He can still be so childish at times, despite himself. “No, of course not. In fact, you’re just on time. I was about to cut the first slice.”

He smiles. “Excellent.”

He doesn’t even seem to notice how everyone pauses to watch as he takes the first bite. He closes his eyes to savor it. You press your lips together to keep your mischief from showing. “This is delicious, my love, as always.” Your heart soars. You’ve done it. And he’s none the wiser.

You exchange a knowing glance with Jill and Clive. Jill looks mildly impressed while Clive simply seems to be marveling at his brother’s obliviousness. “Alright, everyone,” you announce, “you’re all free to dig in!”

- 

Gav arrives about a half an hour after everyone has already begun eating. He and Otto approach, standing on the other side of Clive, who has taken a seat at the bar beside Joshua.

Gav takes note of the remaining cakes. “Ooo, carrot cake, one of Otto’s favorites.”

You, Clive, and Jill freeze, eyes darting to Joshua. You practically see the life drain from his face. He turns a betrayed expression on you, like a pup who’s found his medicine at the center of his treat. By now, he’s already finished two large slices and is halfway through his third. You can’t help, you begin your apologies but the laughter in your voice steals any sincerity from them.

He practically whines your name, saying, “how could you?”

“But you liked it, didn’t you? Before you knew what it was?”

You can practically see his invisible tail and ears drooping. You’ve never seen him look so unlike the Phoenix before. It only makes you giggle more.

“I’m sorry, alright? I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know how I’ll recover from this.”

“Alright, my love, no need to be so overdramatic.”

He pouts. He actually pouts. “You’ll have to find a way to make this up to me.”

“Up to you? I did all of this for you.”

“You did all of this for yourself. I hope you’ve had your fun.”

You lean over the counter, smug as one could be. “Oh, I have.”

“Mhm.” He leans forward and places a soft kiss on your lips. You can still taste the frosting. “You better have. Otherwise, I will have eaten this for nothing.”

“You would have, at the very least, learned that you can stomach carrots. Isn’t that something?”

He laughs. “No, absolutely not. Just promise you won’t do something like this again.”

“I promise,” you draw out the word, “that it won’t become a regular occurrence.”

He rolls his eyes, but a smile toys at the corners of his mouth. “What did I ever do to deserve this?”

“Something really good, I imagine.”

His smile grows. “Must have been.”

[nightmyst14-blog]

What is your top five disliked Cookie Run characters? NPCs include.

Jeez... I don't have many disliked cookies that I just dislike bc they exist, honestly. For the most part.

HOWEVER.

I do sometimes dislike a character for the role they play in the story. That means they played their role well enough for me to hate. I do like a few villains, but that's for different reasons.

Context matters me to when it comes me liking or disliking a character.

This goes for least to most disliked. I do have a few for Ovenbreak, so let me know if you want me to add them too.

Carrot: Tbh, I cant defend myself with her Like I can do for the others. She's just... boring to me. I LEGIT forgot she's in the game half of the time And when she does show up, she's so..one sided. There's no substance to her. I like Beet over her, and WISH Beet hanged out with someone else than her. Plus she's bossy.

Affogato: As a Dark Cacao kingdom fan, this man gets on my nerves. HE was going to rule a already struggling to survive kingdom, poison their mentally unwell and probably grieving king, get the only person who the king trust banished, and then run away like a coward once his plan had failed. I Like their craftiness and their story was interesting. As a villain I do dislike him, but I can see a slight chance of him getting a redemption arc.

Elder Custard: Its on sight with this man. I will fight him, hands down and anyone adjacent with him. He's just a abusive, greedy man. He doesn't sit right with me. He made Clotted into a puppet for his selfish reasons, kept him away from his poor mother, Light Cream, since he was a child, and the fact even in a matter of MINUTES of seeing Custard the 3rd, he called him a brat and unnoble-like. Plus he talks down to Captain Caviar.

I honestly thought it was him who stole the soul jam during the Odyssey update. If it wasn't Meuille-Feulle (another I hate) as the villian, I 100% believe it wouldve been Elder Custard, trying to gain more power. I was READY to watch them fight tbh. I can tell he will get his way, one way or another. no matter concequences.

Pomegranate: Last two are combined for her. She's a pretty good villain, MORE threatening than even DE. Like she's manipulating people left and right, hurting them to get her way, or in her case, DE"s way. Honestly her power is king frightening. If she's able to make Dark Choco revisit his trauma all the time, make Dark Cacao, an ANCIENT, turn into a new form, and make the Sugar Swan, the embodiment of LIFE ITSELF, evil....I would stay FAR away from her.

Shadow Milk: KEEP THIS MAN AWAY FROM ME. He's like Bill cipher, but WORSE. He's tried to corrupt Pure Vanilla, killed Elder Faerie, and possessed many of the faerie citizens and make them into jesters, all of his amusement. If it wasn't for White Lily sealing him back into the silver tree, he would be the next big villain, along with Mystic Flour and the other Beasts. We've seen two of the beasts powers now, WHAT CAN THE OTHER BEASTS DO???

[silliergoober]

Chainsaw Man is about Capitalism, and maybe everything else is too.

a dumbass essay.

Full Spoilers For All Of Chainsaw Man.

Part 1

Control

The cold war was one fought in the mind.

A war fought using the stealthiest weapon of them all:

Fear.

It was called the Red Scare for a reason.

It’s hard to say if America has since engaged in such intense propaganda. People feared the straw-man of Communism. Communism became an evil, blasphemous thing. It wasn’t a flawed ideology, it was the opposite of all that was good and right and civil and god-damned American. It became a devil of sorts. Those who fell to it were unforgivable. Irredeemable. And anyone could fall, too. Friends, family, colleagues; all damned by a deal with the devil. 

Ironically, the land of the free used their antithesis to create a devil.

They exerted control. 

Why am I talking about this in a Chainsaw Man essay? 

Well, Makima is control. 

On a small scale, Makima is, as far as we see, the head of Tokyo’s Public Safety. Even her superiors seem to at least respect or even bend to her will. She uses this position of power to manipulate and, by proxy, control, most all of Part 1’s cast. 

In a more literal sense, Makima is control. She is the living embodiment of Control. She is the Control Devil. 

And as discussed, control can, when used correctly, create devils. 

We see this in a literal sense with Pochita.

But with the right plan, it can also create much, much worse. 

Public Safety is a corporation. 

Or, it can be read that way.

It has shareholders, the higher-ups.

It has a CEO, Makima.

And, most importantly, it has disposable, low-ranking and easily manipulated employees.

Part 2

The American Dream

Aki Hayakawa is, by all means, the most normal and average man in the series. 

Granted, the bar is low. But it’s a bar nonetheless.

Aki is a simple man. He wants revenge for his family’s death by killing the Gun Devil. That’s all he needs. Many have whispered rumours about the Gun Devil. Most of Public Safety’s hunters strive to face it. 

The American Dream.

Anyone can achieve it. 

Pick yourself up by your bootstraps and work hard. One day, the dream will be yours. 

Except it won’t. 

When it is closest to you, it will crumble in your hand. 

When Aki finally, finally reaches his chance to fight the Gun Devil, his dream, it is revealed he was deceived. The gun devil is no longer a threat. His chance crumbled to dust in his one remaining hand. 

All will strive for the American Dream, yet none will reach it.

The American Dream is a lie.

It is a lie sold in bulk by CEO’s and execs and the like. In its modern iteration, it lies in entrepreneurship. 

“You could be the next big thing! Pick yourself up by the bootstraps and work hard!” 

A carrot on a stick. Always walking, never reaching it. 

Because in truth, it isn’t there to reach.

The Gun Devil _is_ the American Dream.

Obvious American/Gun symbolism aside, the Gun Devil we see on page is commissioned by the American Government.  It’s tied with the American half of the dream are undeniable

During the Red Scare, America, more than ever, portrayed itself as the Icon of Capitalism. In a way, this wasn’t untrue.

America is a deeply marketised country. 

Even at the highest power in the country, money rules. Funding, gerrymandering, outright bribery. Capital and its exchange determines every aspect of America.

Its so deeply intertwined- the lines between government and corporation, public and private blurring- that, in my eyes, to critique America politically is to critique Capitalism itself. 

Its no secret that Capitalism does this. It rots its own system. It incentivises corruption. It’s been said a million times but truly, it is cancerous. 

So, on some level, The Gun Devil is, too, the Capitalist’s Lie. The false hope that keeps the workers working.  

Even if it kills them.

Part 3

The End of the World

In the end of Chainsaw Man’s first part, Makima is killed by Denji. 

She is chopped up and eaten to prevent her regeneration.

Not even a chapter later, she is reincarnated.

It is, as far as we see, impossible to have a world without Makima. A world without control. 

In part 2, the scale of the conflict is drastically increased. 

Now, the Death Devil threatens the entire world, not just Denji’s. 

And throughout the part, Nayuta, Control’s new form, is there. 

She couldn’t be gone.  

She can’t.

In the latest chapters, Nayuta is unceremoniously killed. This is enough to trigger Denji’s transformation into Pochita once more. The devil made by control defends and avenges it by any means necessary. 

Denji believed himself to be free from Makima. From control. But he isn’t. He can’t be. Ultimately, he is still her slave.

In Chainsaw Man, a world without the Control Devil is less likely than a world ended. In fact, a world ended is quite likely, given the foretold coming of the Death Devil.

Two people who are much, much smarter than me, Fredric Jameson and Slavoj Žižek, once said, 

“It is easier to imagine the end of the world than a world without capitalism.”

I could delve deeper into CSM’s imagery and symbols, how Public Safety technically being governmental blurs the lines between public and private further, how the other three horseman play into all this, etc. But I believe my point has been made.

In a world where capitalism is so inherently intertwined with our every thought, so ingrained in society we cannot imagine a world without it, is anything not about capitalism?   I dont know.

All I know for sure is I fucking love this stupid chainsaw manga.

[yabagofmilfs]

No hear me out:

I think the pens room is the perfect place for a rookie because you have the carrot and the stick.

The carrot: Sidney Crosby playing the role of the Blushing Virgin Pumping Out Pheromones. He walks up to each rookie on their first day, hands them a little banana bread container with their name written on it in neat sharpie, and looks at them with his Big Brown Eyes and sheepish smile and says "I have high hopes for you".

The stick: Geno and Kris (Kris def has more feral energy but don't count out Geno!) ready to kill anyone who makes their captain disappointed. The rookies have a rough shift? Geno is there the next day making them do high knees until they puke. Kris will corner any player (rookie or not) and gives them the iciest stare down they've ever seen, complete with a parental-esque "I'm disappointed" talk.

And meanwhile Sid is none the wiser. He happily chirps about how well the new group of guys are settling in. How they fit in so well with the room. Little does he know Geno and Kris gave them the "Care and Keeping of One Sidney Crosby" talk before the first training camp

No, this is correct. Pretty, nice guy captain who just wants to make sure you are settling in okay and have what you need. He wants you to know he’s excited to have you on his team and tells you to come to him any time, for anything.

And then there’s Geno and Kris who are standing back and watching your every move with beady eyes. Kris will tease you in a mean girl way with just enough edge you’re not sure if he’s really joking, and Geno won’t even bother to learn your name or acknowledge you at all.

All three of them will be quick to praise you if you do something particularly well, because they’re good captains, but if you fuck up? Not only are you going to get supportive but disappointed wet cow eyes (the worst punishment anyone can ever face, that scar will never leave you), but before those cow eyes can even land on you you’re getting shoved into a room and yelled at by a hissing cat and an angry bear. are they mad that the team lost or that you ruined a game where Sid did something special? you can’t really tell, but you notice the next time you make a mistake in a game where Sid didn’t score neither of them even react. hm, weird.

[muraseclinic]

please just break me. beat me until i'm vomiting blood, cut me and make me cut myself, slit my wrists and drain my life away, bash my ugly fucking face in and shatter my skull - do whatever you please with me, as long as you make sure i'm never happy again. that for as long as you allow me to live i can never forget again how pathetic and unlovable and undeserving of life i am. tell me all about how worthless and unusable i am, how pretty real girls are and how badly i need to die for what i am. how i'll never be like them no matter what i do, how disgusting i am and always will be. crack my skull open if that's what it takes to make me understand that i'm only getting what i deserve for being this, that you're doing me and the rest of the world a favor by taking care of such a burden. nothing more than a blight on an otherwise beautiful world, one that just needs to be destroyed for the sake of everyone else. make me hopeless, show me that there's no point in trying to get better or live a good life, because there's no such thing as a good life for things like me. make me utterly repusled by the idea of myself happy. and when i finally get it through my skull how badly i deserve to die, how it's the only thing left for me, dangle it in front of me for your entertainment. force me to live in constant misery and torture, beating me just to the edge of release from all the pain i've felt and caused over my pathetic life, just to yank me back up out of the pit i've waited so long to finally hit the bottom of. laugh at the notion that i could ever deserve a life or a death. i could only ever be useful to anyone as a worthless little object to break and cut and kick and crack and stab and crush and bleed out. no love. why would i be loved? i'm so much less than a person anyway

.. oh wow !!✨≽^•༚• ྀི≼ this anon sure is desperate !

but i'd loveeeee to break you . beat you and fuck you because that's all you're good for !! anon thinks it's a real girl? no „ you’re not even a person ^^ the only thing you are is an object for my amusement „ something for me to play with and make cry when i want to.

i’d do whatever i want with you ,, destroy you because it’s what you deserve for being such a burden on the rest of society by simply being alive. i’d make you mutilate yourself for me ,, use your dirty body for my own needs ,, make you swallow blades or use you as my ashtray ~ ᥫ᭡

nobody could ever love a filthy ,, pathetic creature like you anyways.

you're worthless ,, something to be beaten and burned and broken. try and let others fool you all you want ,, we both know you’re a disgusting toy - you’ll never be good enough ,, you don’t deserve to be happy ,, and you don’t deserve to live .. but that doesn’t mean i’ll let you die <(˶ᵔᵕᵔ˶)>

i’ll strip away every last semblance of dignity you have left until you’re begging me to kill you ,, and then i’ll laugh in your face and leave you to rot ,, alive ,, because the only thing that you deserve is a life of me dangling death over your head like a carrot to a pig.

[ also if any one of you have dm’d me and i havent responded, be patient for me, kay? ( • ̀ω•́ )✧ ,, asks are open !! ]

[cairavende]

Worm Arc 12 thoughts:

Brian needs to watch the Barbie movie holy shit! (I understand the story takes place in 2011 and the movie doesn't exist there)

Just like, fuck get off Taylor's back. She is playing it too safe but also being too aggressive. Moving too fast but also not being aggressive enough! AHHHHHHHH!

Seriously, nearly every time Brian showed up in this arc I was yelling at him. Dude. Just back off.

Skitter fucking just, killing thousands of rats in a few minutes is absolutely terrifying. God I love her.

Hookwolf is a dick. I can't believe everyone else went along with him and gave the Travelers and the Undersiders shitty choices like that. I mean that's not true, I can believe it I'm just mad.

I legit forgot Imp existed until Tattletale mentioned leaving her at the meeting as a spy. I love how the way her power works combined with the writing style means she just disappears for the readers as well.

Loved seeing more of the Travelers and more Noelle. Excited to learn more about her (I don't have great feelings about her long term situation though).

Jack is such a fucking POSER oh my god!

He just. He thinks he's so cool. But he's not. Fucking "this is not an exit" reference and shit.

He is Tobey Maguire Spider-Man from Spider-Man 3. Just thinks he is the coolest shit. Everyone just has to accept it cause he got fancy knife powers.

Tattletale just fucking full confidence fucking with the Nine while standing right in front of them. She clearly knew it was high risk but she took it and she got results, spoiling Jacks plan with Cheri and shit.

That said, AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! MY BABY SOMEBODY HELP MY BABY! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (Ok she's not like, my baby, that's Taylor. But she's still my baby.)

LOOK AT MY FUCKING DAUGHTER! FUCKING LOOK AT HER! HOW MANY PEOPLE DID SHE SAVE FROM SHATTERBIRD? HUNDREDS? THOUSANDS? SHE IS AMAZING!

She fucking needs therapy though. Saves more people than anyone else could have and is mad because she didn't do enough. God damn Taylor love yourself!

Danny is fine. Besides, he had warning so any injures are basically his fault. Git gud Danny. (Ok look that's a little unfair, but he messed up pretty bad with raising my daughter so I'm allowed to be a little unfair to him I think.)

And look at my daughter again! She goes and organizes people to help the wounded. Takes charge. Gets a cool butch lady that might never show up again to help. I hope she does show up again though.

AND THEN FUCKING MANNEQUIN! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

After he showed up I said "I don't know how the fuck she's gonna do it, but my daughter is gonna kick your ass". And then like a few paragraphs later I read "I have no idea how the fuck I’m going to do it but I’m going to make you regret that." This made me both happy - fun to say something and have Taylor say almost the same thing - and worried - cause when I said I didn't know how she was going to do it I kinda hoped she had a plan.

But then she fucking does it! She kicks his ass. She steals his arm. SHE RIPS HIS HEAD OFF! GOD DAMN! THAT'S MY FUCKING KID!

I do think she should hire the buff burly guy who helped her rip Mannequin's head off. He clearly has motivation and would be loyal. And maybe I want to see him more. For reasons.

But anyway she fucking wrecks Mannequin, makes him look like he lost a fight with a paint store. Just fucking clowned on him. She is so good.

Then the next day Brian comes in and fully focuses on how stupid it was to fight Mannequin, not really praising that she won or asking if she needs medical help. God damn bud!

But I loved how a fuck ton of people were like "Oh shit she beat Mannequin! I want to work for her." She's going to be so fucking famous soon.

Interlude 1 - Jack is a poser again. Sucks to be the Merchants, can't say I'll miss them. Jack trying to sound all clever with his carrot and sticks thing, but most of what he lists for the other Nine is really obvious. And he misses some stuff as well. Poser. I could lead the Nine better than him (not that I would lead the Nine, just that if I did I would be better than Jack).

Interlude 2 - God damn this is a doozy. Shit ton of Cauldron lore. Battery backstory. Assault backstory. I made a "now kith" joke when they fought for the very first time cause I didn't realize who they were yet. It was supposed to be a joke. I did not want them to end up together. They should not be together. Legend should not have allowed Assault to be on Battery's team. He was a bit of a dick for that. So much Cauldron lore though. I can't put it all here.

[please-let-me-be-horny]

The Good, the Bad and the Neutral in: Hide and Seek.

(The following story was requested by @decaffeinated-anxiety, and features a heavy focus on stalking)

Neutral Drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, anxiously gazing out the windshield towards the rapidly darkening sky. Besides him, Good was looking through the passenger side window, trying and failing to see anything in the back alleys behind the buildings they passed. It was getting later in the day and soon night will be falling. They really didn't have a lot of time to find him.

Bad had gotten out. And the last time he had gotten loose, he nearly killed someone.

"I honestly have no idea how I'm expected to trust you after this, how do you let something like this happen?!" Neutral was lacking his usual monotone, instead being replaced by obvious and audible stress and frustration. It was rare his emotions were so clear.

"oh once again this is my fault? Even if I had caught him sneaking out, how the fuck are you expecting me to stop him?" Good threw his arms up defensively as Neutral swung across and swatted at his arm frantically.

"Maybe if you weren't stoned to the gills all the time you'd have noticed him fucking leaving! Hell I didn't even find out he was missing until the fucking intern asked when he would be back! Fucking hell...." Neutral let out a frustrated sigh, slamming his fist into the steering wheel. "We're going to fucking prison if they catch him, you know that right?"

They continued to bicker amongst themselves for a while, the sun gradually dipping below the horizon and the street lights flickering into life, as the shadows cast by the buildings around them drew larger and darker. Even now as the two of them gazed out into the darkness, an ever growing sense of dread filled the pair of them.

"right...so he's probably on a hunt....we don't have to find him, we just have to find his food....ah, speak of the devil...." As he finished thinking out loud, he gave Good a nudge and pointed towards one of the alleys they were parked across the street from. A girl was leaving the rear of her shop, clearly locking up for the night. They watched as she placed ear buds into her ears, and pulled her hood up over her head.

"ok ok, this is promising....she's making an easy target of herself...and she doesn't appear to be with anyone...bingo. She is our carrot on a stick. We follow her, We find Bad." He turned to look at Good, who was simply nodding his head, attempting to process this information. Rolling his eyes, neutral grew impatient of waiting for Good to put the pieces together, and pulled the van away from the curb, begining to circle of the block so they could keep tabs on their bait.

"hood up means her peripheral vision is gonna be worse than normal. Listening to music means she isn't gonna hear anyone following behind her. She is literally Bads dream target." Neutral spoke slowly, intentionally dumbing things down for Good.

"I'm not talking to you, you're being an asshole." Good huffed, crossing his arms in a sulk as the pair of them continued to do laps of the block, circling her like sharks in bloodied waters. Neutral simply rolled his eyes and focused on their target.

She had only left the store a few minutes ago and was already getting the strange feeling she was being followed. It wasn't an uncommon feeling for her, especially since she had started taking late shifts. But this time it felt different. She had seen the same black van pass her multiple times. First pass. Second pass. Third pass. She could feel herself becoming more and more exposed by the moments. She waited for the van to round the corner ahead of her, before ducking into an alley and attempting to follow a different route to escape her potential pursuers.

Neutral and Good were still in grumpy silence when they rounded the corner on their fourth pass and noticed she had vanished.

"Where the fuck did she go?! What?!"

"Do you think she made us?"

"well I dunno about you but most women I know don't know how to turn into fucking smoke, get out and go check the alleyways out, I'll keep lapping the block and see where she pops up..."

Good jumped out the van with a huff, still annoyed at the tone Neutral was taking with him. He quickly crossed the road and entered into the alleyway, just in time to see a dark silhouette take off running around a corner. Fuck.

She heard the footsteps behind her as she ran, getting more and more lost in the maze of back streets and alleyways. It was dark. She couldn't see. And all she could hear was the sound of footsteps rapidly approaching behind her. She turned a corner. Then another. And another. She didn't know where she was anymore. Only that she was being chased. She turned another corner, running into something hard and falling to the floor.

Bad looked down at the girl who had just ran into him, scowling and frustrated that she hadn't seen him. Letting go of the now crushed and ruined groceries he was clutching to his chest, he let the mess of wet paper bags and crushed crisps fall to his feet as Good rounded the corner, clearly out of breath and struggling to stand up right.

"Sto-oh...OH! holy shit dude where did you go?!" Goods whole attitude changed the moment he saw Bad, jumping over the body of the girl he had just been chasing to bring his brother into a one sided and very affectionate hug. "god we've looking all over for you, man, Neutrals in the van pulling his finger nails out with worry." Bad pushed Good off if him, throwing him a glare and motioning to the mess of groceries in the floor, before reaching into his pocket and handing Good a handwritten shopping list. In Goods handwriting.

"oh...oh yeah I sent you to get snacks, didn't I?....man maybe neutral was right about how much I'm getting stoned lately..." Bad simply rolled his eyes, pushing Good to the side and focusing his attention on the girl Infront of him, before turning back towards Good, a confused look on his face.

"oh, yeah uh....sorry about that, chick, we thought our friend here was gonna...well we won't go into it. You ok?" Good lowered himself to the ground beside the girl, offering her a hand and helping her to her feet. "I uh....you aren't gonna hurt me then? You weren't....trying to kidnap me or rape me or murder me or anything?!" As she said this, Bad looked over her, glaring down into her eyes, still frustrated she had just demolished his groceries. Though he couldn't speak, Bad was quickly picking up on the slight differences and changes in her tone. Confusion. Disappointement. Anger. All very clear to him, but passing way over his brother's head.

"well, thing is my brother here was lost, and he has a habit for following pretty girls ho-" Bad gave Good a small sap to the chest, silencing him for a moment, before placing a hand in the girls shoulder and turning her to face him. Opening his phone, he scrolled through for a moment, before offering his phone to her. Turns out he had been following her after all. Just not today. She scrolled through multiple pictures of her, all taken candidly from various places in her store. She swallowed hard and flushed red for a moment, looking up into Bad's eyes, who simply held a finger up to his mouth, demanding her silence.

"so...you were....stalking me....but you weren't....chasing me? I'm sorry I'm just really confused, am I safe or not?" Once again, Bad picked up on the subtle hint of disappointment in her voice. Taking his phone from her, he reached down and took a gentle hold of her hand, gripping it firmly, before patting Good on the back. "Oh? Is she? Ok....she's coming too I guess....sorry dear, but you're coming with us... apparently"

Just for a moment, there was a flash of excitement in her eyes, that was quickly suppressed when Good produced the rag from his pocket and clamped it over her face. "sssh gotosleepgotosleeogotosleep"....

She woke up groggy a few hours later. She couldn't see. And her muscles in her shoulders and wrists were burning. As more and more of her senses returned to her, she realise she was blindfolded, and suspended by her wrists in some sort of binding. She let out a panicked whimper, thrashing her weakened body against her restraints and realising that she had also been stripped, feeling the cool breeze passing over her exposed body. She opened her mouth to scream, but as the noise started to escape from her lungs, fingers roughly enter her mouth, muffling her cries. The blindfold was removed.

Bad was standing Infront of her, along with Good and Neutral. Of the three of them, Bad looked the most excited behind his mask. Good looked like he'd just been told off by one of his teachers, and Neutral was in the process of cracking his knuckles in a repetitive pattern. The backs of his hands were raw and bleeding from where it looked like he'd been scratching himself.

Bad once again raises a finger to his lips, signaling for her silence, to which she feebly nodded, before Bad removed his fingers from her mouth. "I-i'm s-sorry, p-please..." She was silenced again as Bad stuffed his fingers back into her mouth. As she began to cry and sob around Bads finger tips, Neutral stepped forward and reached up, gently wiping the tears from her eyes with a handkerchief, before folding it neatly and placing it back into his jacket pocket. "So...we owe you an apology...we scared you and chased you when we didn't need to...we were afraid that Bad here was gonna come and hurt you and in the process of trying to avoid that, we got carried away....we're sorry..." Bad nodded approvingly of the apology, removing his fingers from the girls mouth and gesturing for her to speak.

She waited, confused for a moment, her eyes darting between the three of them, before finally landing on Bad. "So...so you stopped them from...well...." Bad simply nodded, before reaching up and begining to untie her binds. Letting her out of her restraints, he scooped her up into his arms, before carrying her back towards his room in the warehouse. "Th-thank you....thank you from saving me from those awful men..." Bad cooed softly, petting the back of her head as he closed the door behind them. Still naked, he lowered her into a bed, before nodding towards a neatly folded pile of clothes on the floor beside her. Her clothes. "W-wait! Why am I uh...why am I naked?..." She blushed deeply, attempting to cover up what she could as she spoke to the masked stranger.

Cocking his head to one side, he returned to the bed, sitting down beside her and once again opening up his phone, and showing her the reason why she had been stripped. Bad had taken his time with her unconscious body. There were lots of pictures of the pair of them together. Bad jerking off as she hung lifeless Infront of him. Drawing pictures in the cum that covered skin. There were even a few censored shots of what appeared to be other strangers coming to touch and grope her whilst she was dosed. Bad reached and arm over her shoulder and gave her an affectionate squeeze, before pointing to her groin and wagging a finger, suggesting that no one had actually penetrated her sexually. He had simply turned her into an exhibit. Something to show off. A trophy. He once again gave her head a soft and affectionate pat, before standing up and leaving her alone in his room, locking the door behind him.

She swallowed hard, taking a moment to process everything that was happening. After a short while, a smile began to spread on her face.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Once Again, More Fanfic Quotes! Now with Bonus Quotes from DC Comics!

Thermostat: Izuku only likes me for my body.

Tamaki: that sounds a bit risqué

Thermostat: I meant literally.

Thermostat: the side he stands on depends on the weather.

*

A Special Boy: Can I just interrupt to say that I hate when people leave trans people out of the LGBT community? Like what do you think T stands for, triceratops?

jackoff: tricycle

eight feet: tango

Cake Boss: tiramisu

cha cha real smooth: teammate

me me big boy: tetsutetsu

barry benson: tETSTUTETSU

sword lesbian: The triceratops named Tetsutetsu that liked to tango, rides on a tricycle, eats tiramisu and is a true teammate

*

RIDLEY QUEEN: *bakugou voice* welcome tO FUCKING FLAVORTOWN

*

Kirishima: *holds knife, and is about to start cutting the carrots diagonally*

Katsuki: Hand that the fuck over, right now.

*

Katsuki: …wait attention that isn’t annoyance or frustration is a thing? People actually do that shit?

Kirishima: …bro are you ok?

*

OzaiAndUrsa'sLovechild: murder :)

HereComesDatBoi: Agreed :)

GreenOverlord: guys no!

OrangeJuiceGoVroom: i agree.

GreenOverlord: thanks Iida!

OrangeJuiceGoVroom: oh no i was agreeing with them. Definite yes on the murder.

*

“Alright, what have we got?” Momo asked as he closed the door to her room behind him. 

“Smoke inhalation.” [Bakugou] told her. “I’ve got smoke inhalation.”

*

Best Jeanist: how the fuck do i correctly kidnap a child

Snipe: Kill their parents and tell the kid that they were actually monsters sent to pretend to be their parents.

Midnight: Candy or ice cream will get most kids on your side, just make sure you let them pick the flavor.

Thirteen: Maintaining a polite and calm demeanor will encourage the child to trust you.

Naomasa: … Kidnappings are usually committed by family members or someone close to the child so if you’re going to frame someone, I’d recommend using that.

Gang Orca: Just claim they’re your kid, fake DNA test results, and absolutely deny what anyone says to the contrary.

Ectoplasm: Not announcing your intentions in a group chat full of pro-heroes is also probably helpful.

*

“I have no idea how you survived your childhood.”

“My running hypothesis is that I’m immortal. I’ve been testing it rigorously and so far it’s held up.”

*

Eraserhead: You don’t count as an adult unless you can do laundry properly, cook real food, and go to a boring dinner party without someone dragging you there.

Hawks: What do you mean “do laundry properly” you put the clothing in the clothing sink, you put the soap in, you turn it on and then once it beeps you moved it to the clothing oven.

Hawks: It’s not that hard.

*

Elphaba: sucks to be wrong doesnt it uwu

Mine-a: don’t uwu at me in that tone of text

*

“If we’re gay, how does that make us unqualified to kill space aliens? Does being hetero make us more violent?”

*

Actual Comic Books Quotes

*

Kid Devil: AH-HAH-HAH-HAHH! FLEE! FLEE FROM THIS PLACE OF GODLESS SCIENCE! THAT’S RIGHT! You have summoned the APOCALYPSE with your love of SCIENCE! I HAVE COME TO COLLECT YOUR SOULS! You brought this on yourselves! By teaching EVOLUTION!

(Beat)

Robin: Well. It IS clearing out the lab.

*

(Headbutted)

Blue Beetle: AH! That hurt through the armor! What are you packing in there?!

Lonar: JUSTICE!

Blue Beetle: You have a forehead full of justice? What does that even MEAN?!

*

Jaime: Do you think they saw us?

Dan Garrett: We’re five grown men dressed in bright colors inside a clear plastic bubble set against a rainbow background, Jaime. They saw us.

*

Dick: For what it’s worth, how’d I do with him?

Bruce: … Are you asking me if you were convincing as a homicidal maniac, Dick?

Dick: I suppose I am.

Bruce: Then yes, as a matter of fact, you were.

*

Batman: Why haven’t you taken a side?

Catwoman: I’m not like them. They’re criminals.

Batman: You’re currently breaking into a safe that’s not yours.

Catwoman: You know what I mean. I’m not like them. They're unsuccessful criminals. 

Batman: Do I need to worry about you?

Catwoman: (amused) Are you checking up on me, Bat? Are you trying to protect me?

Batman: No. No one needs to protect you.

Catwoman: Oh. Well then, yes. You very much have to worry about me.

(They kiss)

Bruce: (In the present) Afterward, I slept. When I woke, you were gone. With the diamonds.

Selina: OK, yes. But in my defense, I did warn you. I’m not exactly unsuccessful.

*

Gordon: (Rubbing his nose) Just close your eyes and think about retirement.Somewhere warm where the giant turtles don’t talk.

*

(personal favourite)

Black Mask: Somehow, I don’t think you would be surprised at all to learn the life I have chosen can be a lonely one.

Red Hood/Jason Todd: Don’t take this the wrong way, but it might have to do with the whole BDSM theme. Just saying - maybe lose the mask once in a while? (Beat) Like at breakfast, as the most immediate example.

-

These are beautiful.

[sku11kidz]

Come, my child.

Fandom: Biohazard: Village, Resident Evil 8, Resident Evil: Village

Prev chapter ~⭐️

Character Tags: Ethan Winters, Reader, Rosemary Winters (mention), Mother Miranda, Alicia Dimitrescu, Salvador Moreau, Karl Heisenberg,

Tags: Lord Ethan winters AU, Haha Ethan is an old 1950s dad, soft, Alternate canon, father is fathering, Child!Reader, children, horror tags, Ethan isn’t a good person, no matter how he wants to convince himself he is :(, reader is no older than 12, ???, writer is a teenager/slow updates

PROSHIP DNI 🍖🌈 DNI

Then he remembered you upstairs. Ethan sighs and puts his book down. He stands up and knocks on your room door. “Sweetheart,” he calls out “are you okay?” He knew that you were still mourning the loss of your village and loved ones. When you don’t answer, he slowly opens the door and sees you nuzzled into the blankets. Sighing in relief, he lightly closes the room door to let you rest.

He crept back downstairs and began to work on dinner. Ethan couldn’t help but wonder why exactly you stumbled across his home those days ago. Of course he was relieved that you weren’t super interested in Castle Dimitrescu and it’s looming energy over the village or the salty air of the reservoir.

He knew a child such as yourself wouldn’t survive the village as it was now. He kept telling himself that keeping you here was a safe idea but deep down he knew that you would want to leave and that he can’t protect you forever. He sighed and began to wash the potatoes and carrots. He turns on the stove and puts the vegetables in a broth. Just then, the phone rings.

Ethan mutters something to himself and picks up the phone, knowing exactly who it is. “Hello, Heisenberg.” He mutters. Heiseberg doesn’t even say ‘hello’ before speaking into the phone. “Ethan Winters! I know what exactly you're hiding.” Ethan’s eyes widen in shock. “Heisenberg, you can’t tell anyone–” He’s quickly cut off. “I’m kidding, Winters! It’s not like you’re housing another child that you’ll eventually kill again…” The room gets quiet. Ethan sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “You know I didn’t kill them.” Heisenberg laughs at Ethan’s insistence.

“Oh right. Like the Lycans always go for your little toys!” Ethan was irritated and honestly tempted to just hang up.

He knew Heisenberg enjoyed getting under his skin, but right now he needed to keep the conversation civil. He couldn’t afford having his new child upstairs to hear him go off. He took a deep breath and responded calmly, "Look, enough with the games. Just tell me what you want.” Heisenberg's laughter trailed off, replaced by a cold and calculating tone. "What I want, Ethan, is a partnership.”

Ethan’s eyes widen. “A partnership? What do you mean by—“ He had a realization. Heisenberg interrupts, "I need your help with something big, Ethan. You know how I feel about Miranda. She can’t hear this call.” Ethan leans against the wall, unamused but interested In Heisenberg’s words. "Alright," Ethan says, "I'm listening, but if this is some kind of setup...” Ethan sighs and looks off.

Heisenberg smirks and leans back into his chair. “We kill the bitch where she stands. Then, after that, we can live a free life without her control.” Ethan thinks for a while. He didn’t know how to feel about this deal. “Listen to me, papa. I can already tell you’re super protective of this child. If you don’t take my deal, I’ll have to make a report on what you have stored into your—“ Ethan cuts him off. “Fine. Just don’t hurt them.” He mutters.

He hands up the phone and sighs, leaning against the doorframe of his kitchen. As he’s in the middle of thinking, you walk in. You look up at Ethan with your pleading eyes, clearly hungry. He brushed off his feelings and chuckled. “Hm? What is it, honey? You hungry?” He kneels down to your level and ruffled your hair. “Don’t worry, I’m cooking dinner right now.” You nod and rub to the living room to explore the house more. In the kitchen, you can smell Ethan cooking some roast beef.

The smell of roasted beef and potatoes pervaded the air, filling your nostrils with the savory aroma of a hearty feast. The sweet smell of potatoes being roasted mingled with the intense scent of beef, the two creating a delicious aroma that was sure to make your mouth water. The fragrance was mouth-watering and inviting, and the thought of digging into the delicious dinner made your stomach growl with anticipation. A warm, comforting feeling washes over you as you eagerly await the meal.

Your comfort and trust in Ethan ease your worries about the recent events. He hums a small tune that invites you in the kitchen. You happily skip into the kitchen and Ethan greets you with a warm smile as he continues to prepare the meal. “Sweetheart, come here.” He grabs a small spoon and scoops up some of the broth. “Say aaah.” He puts the spoonful of soup in your mouth. “How does it taste? Too salty? Not salty enough?” You think but shake your head. The savory broth fills your senses, bringing a sense of warmth and comfort. Ethan's eyes sparkle with anticipation as he waits for your reaction, and you can't help but smile back at him, grateful for his attentive nature.

Ethan sighs and ruffled your hair. “Good. Now go play someplace. I don’t want you near the stove, okay?” In reality, he didn’t want to be stressed about Heisenberg while you were in the room. You, being a kid, run off as you’re told. You decide to investigate the house a bit. You had never really been to Ethan’s room or the living room.

Well, the living room was first you supposed. Rushing over, you feel the warmth of the fireplace and see Ethan’s favorite reading chair. There was a small table next to it with some coffee and stale cookies. Whoever was eating them hadn’t been home for a while. That, or Ethan had better things to be doing. More proof of this was the coffee being frozen cold. Being curious, you take a sip of coffee. It was bitter and black without a touch of sugar.

You swallow it, feeling worse than ever but sucking it up for your own sake. As you set down the cup, a creaking noise startles you. The noise came from the window and being the curious child you are, you look through. There’s silence. A long silence.

A Lycan beats on the window and growls. It barks and screams in an attempt to get you. You fall over after being startled so hard. You quickly get on your feet and scramble back over to Ethan. He tilts his head and looks over at the window to see the creature biting the glass. Ethan sighs and walks over to the window, telling off the Lycan and making it go away. “There’s no one here, shoo. You’re just seeing things.” The Lycan groans and whimpers in confusion. It tries to look past him but Ethan closes the window and blinds.

Your heart pounds as you watch Ethan close the window and the blinds, blocking out the unnerving sight of the Lycan. Ethan bends down to your level and cups your cheek to see if you’re hurt or bruised. “Did it touch you? I heard a thud and didn’t know if it got inside.” You shake your head reassuringly, giving Ethan a small sigh in relief. “That’s my kid.” He kisses your forehead, causing you to giggle a small bit. “Luckily, lunch should be ready soon.”

After an hour, you start to come to terms with Ethan being your new dad. You’ve just learned that you’ll have to stay behind and grow up with him. It’ll be a long time before you’re an adult and maybe Miranda will stop trying to find you. All you know was that Ethan would protect and love you as his own child no matter what.

[toastthewolfie]

again.

*coughs blood* its done idk why but she’s here and she’s very silly

information from @olibird’s template! :D (i hope the tag is okay!!!!)

Tw for self harm (under ‘Issues’) and a vague mention of suicide in the backstory. And discussion of death i suppose. I dunno, sorry, it’s late and im tired

Name: Astrid Ek (I swear i tried to figure out a better name but this is the name that stuck when i searched up stuff about common names in Sweden

Aliases: N/A

Nationality: Swedish/American       Ethnicity: Swedish/British (Mother is Swedish, her father is British)

Age:  23              DoB: (M/D/Y) 09/10/1990

Pronouns: She/Her         Gender: Cis Female

Sex: F

Sexuality: Demisexual, Demiromantic, and Bisexual

Height: 6’

Languages: Swedish (Native), English (Secondary)

Which CoD Universe: the Modern Warfare Reboot timeline

Branches of Service: United States Army

Affiliation:  U.S. Army (formerly), Shadow Company (Current)

Specialties: Debriefing. She does a lot of paperwork (she’s basically a desk jockey but with the skills to kick someone’s ass if needed)

Personality: Serious (and judgemental). Jokes go over her head like 70% of the time (mostly because she’s incredibly sleep deprived most days) and she sometimes will just blankly stare at you because she thinks you’re weird or just.. thinks that the shit you just said is very 😨

Backstory: 

        Born and raised in a military family, Astrid grew up moving around a lot before her family settled in America after her mother’s discharge and her father retiring at the age of 11 in Seattle. Feeling slightly pressured, Astrid signed up for basic training for the United States Army at 21 after receiving her bachelors in analytics where she met her friend, Emily. The two quickly became best friends who pushed the other up during training (and got into mischief together). 

         Of course, all good things must end and on a mission 6 years later, Emily pushed Astrid out of the way of a gunner, sacrificing her life to protect her. Unable to operate on the field after that (despite multiple attempts to do so), Astrid retired from the army, almost immediately running into Phillip Graves at a random bar. The two managed to get talking and it somehow ended with Phillip inviting Astrid into joining shadow company and, having nothing else to do and knowing she’d probably kill herself if she didn’t, she agreed on the spot.

She’s been here ever since, so she’s going on 8 years.

Issues: sleep deprivation, protective to a fault, easy to anger (even if she doesn’t show it), overworking, and sometimes scratches at herself hard enough to draw blood when stressed

Habits: If anyone is injured on a mission, Astrid has a habit of either following at a distance if it’s serious or grabbing the injured party and checking them over herself before sending them to medical.

Scars: Small scratches at the base of her ribs.

Preferred method of showing care/affection/love language: Physical Touch and Acts of Service

Preferred way of receiving care/affection: Quality Time and Physical Touch.

Eye Color: Grey

Hair description: Blonde (greying out a bit)

Clothing description: 

Waist-length green jacket with a bunch of pockets and a swedish flag on the left sleeve, light grey turtleneck, greyish brown belt, bluish grey pants and black and grey cat-like boots (just because she’s serious doesn’t mean she can’t have some silly boots (Emily liked them on her so she’s used them ever since))

Body description: Semi-Built but otherwise skinny.

Favorite Activities: I dunno, she doesn’t get a lot of free time (self imposed. She feels the need to work until she can’t just to try and protect her the shadows

Blood Type: B-

Favorite color: Green

Favorite animal: Cats

Favorite food/Dessert: Carrots. I dunno she likes snacking on them when she gets the chance.

Other Fun Facts:

Doesn’t speak in English if it’s not necessary. She finds that it’s easier to convey her thoughts in Swedish than in English

Can/Will pass out from exhaustion in literally in any position if she can’t work anymore

Sleep talks (more like sleep mumbles) in swedish about random combat terms

Will sometimes just subconsciously ruffle the hair of anyone shorter than them if they did a good job (for people taller than her, they get a soft tap on the side or shoulder because she can’t reach their hair. Will sometimes hug someone if they look like they need it (and they like hugs, ofc)

she’s not scared of needles, she also knows how to administer narcan if absolutely necessary (for some reason, her mother decided that it was something she should know)

Feel free to ask any questions about her :)

[stud-yawgmoth]

OC Writing

This very short story is about my OC Addison. This is an AU in which they're suffering from some kind of curse.

The little carrot-top was back again, looking to sell some more things. Two blouses, clean and pressed. A pair of sturdy travel pants and a belt. A pair of hiking boots, their soles worn somewhat with use.

"I can't give you much for these," I told them. "They're all worn down."

The redhead looked up at me, their green eyes wide and unassuming. "Whatever you think is fair."

A leather backpack, empty, good craftsmanship. A waterskin, also empty. Some cutlery in a metal tin that doubled as a pot and bowl - a travel mess kit. It was the third one they'd brought me. Always such common, bulky things, but I was happy to find new homes for them. There was no point in throwing away perfectly good things. Addison was clever - they waited until the hubbub around the person's disappearance died down to bring me the belongings. There was never anything valuable. Were they hoarding all the good stuff? Or was there just never anything good?

I asked myself, as I do every time: Should I be doing this? Shouldn't I tell the town watch Addison killed someone? But I have no proof… except the person's belongings Addison is handing me. I supposed they might have just come across the body - the body of someone they knew was missing. And they didn't tell anyone about it, but quietly sold me the person's things a few months later. Were the few coins I gave them in exchange for a pair of used pants the only reason they'd murdered this woman? Was I the reason she'd died?

"Addison?" I asked, after a suspiciously long pause.

"Mhm?" They fixed their big green eyes on me again. They were the last person I'd think could kill someone.

I didn't know how to ask the question. Eventually I settled on, "Where'd you get this stuff?"

Addison looked at me coyly and wiggled back and forth, like a child who knows they've done something wrong. "Don't you know?"

What was that supposed to mean? I'd never said anything about it before. But if I could puzzle it out, Addison must also realize I knew.

I sighed. "Yes, but… why?"

Their gaze was as dumb and innocent as a lamb. They blinked twice at me with orange lashes, then looked down. Ashamed? Embarrassed?

"If you really want to understand, I will tell you. But not here… not with so many ears around," they whispered.

It was past closing time anyway. Addison always came right before I closed, which would have been a bother if their visits were any more frequent. I added up the value of everything they'd brought me and counted out a few coins, which Addison pocketed. The items themselves I sorted, puttering around the many chests and drawers where my ever-changing inventory was organized. Once that was done I had to put down the blinds, lock all the chests up, then the back door, and finally the front door, next to the window painted with my shop's name: Volker Secondhand.

Townsfolk were milling about in the fading twilight - the lamplighters were always slow to get around to this part of town. Addison was waiting outside, smoking a cigarette. Upon noticing me, they nodded for me to follow, and wordlessly headed west, toward the river. I wondered if they were leading me all the way out to the woods, where people disappeared and Addison brought back their clothing for me to sell. Their orange hair lost some of its color in the blue twilight as they led me down to the docks, then down the riverbank past the edge of town. Once their cigarette was burned out, they started singing a little song - from what I could catch, it was about a woman who they loved but who didn't love them in return.

I followed in silence. Talking was not one of my strong suits. As we got farther from town, and the twilight gave way to proper night, my companion finally started the conversation.

"I appreciate your curiosity," they began, with a friendly smile. "Most people in your position would reject me out of hand." It was getting difficult to see, but I could still make them out. "Humor me by considering this scenario: If there was not enough food to go around, so if I had enough to eat it would mean you would starve to death, would you think me a monster for eating what food I had rather than sharing it with you, and thereby ensuring my own survival at the cost of yours?" Addison spoke as if they'd rehearsed this. "I would, of course, expect you to do the same. I would expect you to kill me in my sleep, even, to ensure your own survival. That is why I must keep my condition a secret."

I didn't follow. There was something they were leaving out. "There's enough food to go around," I pointed out.

Addison sighed. "For you, yes."

They climbed onto a boulder on the riverbank and squatted there, looking out over the water like a heron. I looked around for something to sit on and found another reasonably dry rock close by.

"I am what some would call a monster," Addison continued eventually, choosing their words carefully. "I have suffered from this condition for almost twenty years. I've tried to sustain myself honorably, but animals provide no nourishment. And there are precious few volunteers."

"Are you a cannibal?" I asked, finally piecing it together.

They let out a small giggle. "I suppose in a way… although some would say I'm not human anymore."

I peered at them, looking for some outward sign of inhumanity, but it was too dark to see. I'd never made a careful study of them in my shop. They were just a short, red-haired, freckle-faced human like so many others. Their long nose was distinctive, and kind of cute in an odd sort of way, but hardly monstrous. Some said being able to wiggle your ears made you a fairy, but my uncle could do it and he was flesh and blood like anyone else.

"Oh! You can't see!" they said, noticing me squinting at them. After a moment's fussing, a yellow glow shone over the riverbank, as they lit a travel lantern.

They turned to look at me, and I started - there was something different about them after all. Their eyes reflected the light of the lantern, like a possum's.

"What?"

"Your eyes glow in the dark."

"Do they?" Addison seemed almost excited to hear that.

"Yeah. Like a possum's."

"I never knew that… but it makes sense. I can see well in the dark now. It makes it more bearable, since the sunlight hurts me now, so I can't be out in the day. That is what hurts me the most, truly. Murder I can get used to, but I miss the sun so much…"

I did not love the sun quite that much.

"So, the murder," I began, glad they'd said it first, "Is because you need to kill other people to survive. To eat them."

"To eat their souls," they corrected.

I wasn't sure I believed in souls.

"And sell me their clothes?"

Addison smiled. "Mostly, yes."

"Why sell me their clothes?"

"Well I don't want them. And they'd go to waste otherwise."

How could they even think of objects going to waste in the context of ending a person's life? What kind of person could kill so many others, even if it was truly necessary for their own survival? Where did they get off thinking their own life was worth so many others?

"Because it is mine," they snapped, making me wonder if I'd accidentally said that out loud. "It's the only one I will ever have. Of course I will value it over others, over people I don't even know. Wouldn't you do the same?"

I tried to imagine it. I tried to remember how it felt to be so hungry I'd eat anything. Even at my poorest, I'd never even had to steal to survive, let alone kill.

"Have you ever killed an animal to eat it? Gone fishing?" Addison asked.

I had been fishing a few times as a kid, with my uncle. We could see the fish from our boat, swimming around in the murky water. At the time I'd seen them as nothing other than a food source - catching one from the river was no different from picking an apple off a tree. Was that how Addison saw people? Like fish in the river - only there to catch and eat, with no regard or care for the life the fish was living?

"Well?" they demanded.

"It doesn't seem right to see people that way."

They sighed poutily. "It is not right. But it is what I must do. You said you wanted to understand. If you think I'm a monster, so be it."

Perhaps "monster" is the right word for a creature that kills and eats people. But Addison being a monster didn't mean we couldn't keep being friends. Were we even friends? My regulars were the closest thing I had to friends.

"You won't turn me in, will you?" they asked.

I sighed. "It's none of my business if travelers go missing in the woods. But if someone I care about disappears…"

Addison wrung their hands and pondered that. "What if you could give some sort of signal, so I would know not to bother that person?"

"I don't follow."

"Well, you could tell them, 'If you see a fellow with red hair and a long nose, tell them Min sent you.' And then they'd tell me you sent them, and I would leave them alone. Ah, no - you'd just tell everyone to say that."

They weren't wrong. I didn't even have to confirm it - they just kept talking.

"What about this?" They took a delicate ring off one of their fingers and tossed it to me. It was beautifully crafted, and probably worth more than anything they'd ever sold me. I dropped the ring on the boulder and it made a nice ringing sound - likely made of silver.

"Stop appraising it! I'm not trying to sell it!" Addi complained. "If someone you know is going into the woods, and you want them to be safe, give them that ring and tell them to give it back to me if they see me, and so I'll know to leave them alone. Deal?"

I looked down at the little ring. It was too small to fit on any of my fingers, so I pocketed it.

"What if I give the ring to someone, and they never give it back to you?"

Addison mulled it over. "Ah, well… I expect I'll find it eventually. I hope you wouldn't blame me if that happened. I'd do my best, I'd give them every opportunity to give it back. I wouldn't want to accidentally take someone important to you."

For whatever reason, I trusted them.

[streaminn]

tell more about this new streamer au u've mentioned bc im very interested

So it starts with an game

You can vc and shit this game too and it was very very popular. You could choose whether to be a normie or an outcast, there were several jobs that one can take and quests with challenges.

Overall a really fun game bc you can either play with friends and build a land with them or play solo and try to complete everything

Think of uh, genshin! But you can customize and level up your character + it being constantly multi-player unless you go to your own private land that you can buy or get from quests

you can also unlock elusive powers as an outcast if you complete certain quests as well.

It was called, Jericho Online bc I can't think of a better name rn 😅

So it starts with Pugsley who starts badgering to thirteen year old Wednesday to join him in playing the game

Wednesday joins begrudingly, tired of all his incessant whining and also because the words of player killing caught her attention

Enid, whos been playing with pugsley is interested immedietely when the two log in. Going !? And circling the newcomer

Wednesday immedietely plays chase and that's the start of a new friendship, with Enid going !?!!!! And Wednesday pulling out her starter knife bc she's supposed to kill this monster

Enid's character is obviously a werewolf, one of the most famous race type in Jericho but there's a catch

Due to high demand, the devs has given a roll of chance to anyone who plays this race. Bc of this you could be an alpha, beta or cursed

Alpha's usually have a better chance to land a critical hit (aka better crit rate in their base form)

Beta is normal, your stats don't change.

Cursed are left unable to shift, which is an ability that all werewolves have where their crit dmg and crit rate is multiplied by two during full moons (which actually follows the irl moon cycle and there are usually combat events/bosses around then who drop really good loot)

This ability is really really good when you have the right artifacts and is part of the reason why so much people choose werewolves

Enid unfortunately, is a cursed and so she sulks with her amazing artifacts with the knowledge that it could be better if she just shifts

Continuing! Wednesday chose to be a psychic and ends up with the sub ability to summon ink creatures at her will. Aka be a beast tamer of some sort

The catch is, she has to kill the creature and subdue it first before she can acquire them into her slots. She is only allowed five creatures in battle so she has to choose carefully aswell

Being a beast tamer is pretty fun but it's lowkey like playing Pokémon so not alot of people liked to use it

Anyways abilities over

Wenclair plus pugsley go have fun, they start raiding dungeons, doing quests together until pugsley drops out from uninterest like a few months in

Enid understands, Wednesday doesn't care and so Wenclair continue their journey of beating absolute ass in this game because wednesday is competitive and Enid is happy to be there

They grind for the absolute best of artifacts and spend so much time on better weapons, it's almost like they're addicted

And honestly? Wednesday was having fun. There was a joy in being able to calculate how well you can do if you wear this goblet that raises your elemental dmg or if you lvl up this skill to a certain lvl you can beat absolutely everyone

(and maybe, planting lil carrots infront of Enid's house isnt so bad)

Enid while competitive, was having fun decorating her lil land far from Jericho. It was like a lil hobbit hole, with greens and vines and dim lighting because wednesday can never stand the bright lights that were originally hung up and vehemently refused to visit if they were there

"you're like a vampire!" Enid says in the in game comm

Wednesday tsks "a vampire who isn't afraid to pk you, Sinclair."

"you're so mean Willa," sinclair, Enid's username, whines.

Willa, Wednesday's own in game username, just hurls her dagger at the sulking blond.

"Wha- HEY!"

So they play and play and omy?

They get married?

Interesting, so it seems that in the second year anniversary of Jericho (when Wenclair are fourteen) the devs decided to have a lil romance for the lonely people and give the ability to marry

Why are Wenclair married? Well, obviously for the benefits. You get 3x the xp when doing quests, challenges and missions together, not to mention that the probability of getting better artifacts and quality quests skyrocket by 5 percent

Like sure you have to share land and divorcing means losing half your gold but it's fine!!

It's with the status of married does Wenclair stumble across a secret quest

The tale of Crackstone

By the third year (Wenclair are now 15) of playing and finishing of the tale, Enid's status as cursed shifts to bludhound.

They celebrate, theyre having fun and theyre practically a married couple. Wednesday insists to go to a dungeon and Enid wants to do a world quest instead

The two settle these disputes with any challenges. They're kids, theyre having fun and if Wednesday looks forward to spending time with Sinclair so much that she bought a pc for herself then that's for her to know.

It's been three years and theyre practically inseparable! The two playing everyday just to spend as much as time together

Until Enid mentions that she won't be so active in a few days.

Why? Willa asks in chat. Are you getting kidnapped?

Course not!! Sinclair replies. Why do you always think I'm being kidnaped??

^n E ways imma be movin so I'll be bz :( can't play much bc we Goin out a state

Wednesday pauses then she squints, there's a feeling in her gut.

Ok, is willa's simple answer. Get online when you come back, we still need to investigate Crackstone's crypt.

Kk! Sinclair cheerily replies. Bye bye Willa, cya in a few dayyysssss

Sinclair has logged out the world.

Wednesday tilts her head a tad and there's a crease on her brow as she sits in her chair. She continues playing, making sure to check over the crops one more time before turning in for the night.

Crackstone's crypt is left uninvestigated for years

Sinclair inbox: 99+ unread messages!