#if anyone is actually like reading my rambles just imagine me spritually hugging you right now

[synoviid]

heehoo time for more dirkjohn scenarios.

earth c cookout. just a concept. imagine out of you and your friends the only two people with the most knowledge of genuine culture (NORMAL culture. not fucked up mindgames between guardians culture) are the dude who looks like he uses 4chan but is actually gay and the god of wind who's kind of just a myth at this point. and its summer. and youre bored, so you want to plan something.

john and dirk. are in charge if planning. and it doesn't go as planned because this wouldnt be an interesting scenario if it did.

dirk knows about earth culture because he's burned an archive in the back of his mind on every wiki article there is pertaining specifically to the history of the earth.

john just had the most normal life out of all the kids, so he kind of gets the idea.

it wasnt originally their idea, they just got stuck together as partners in crime, it was mainly roxy pushing for festivities, since she thought everyone could benefit from actually hanging out and getting to know each other. keep in mind this is early post sburb, so its also early dirkjohn :)

john and dirk have sooo many littke arguments on how things should be done and its so funny, dirk is just like "well according to en.wiki.org-" and john is like you need to stop. Nobody thinks like that bro, just round up some tables and meat and shit so we can get started, and after a lot of petty bs and john cutting straight through dirks little control issues they have a nice little setup by the afternoon, so its a nice evening hangout.

john and jane are really the only ones who know how to cook, but janes on dessert duty, and john could use an extra hand, so he asks dirk to hel and hes like. well you see i never really learned, not exactly having a proper kitchen and all. and john is like dude? what the fuck did you eat for 16 years then? and dirk just kinda shrugs.

either way john and dirk are at the grill together now and dirk is learning how to flip burgers and hotdogs like a proper, bonafide man, and the gang (the girls, karkat, dave, and also maybe sollux/aradia bc why not) are all chilling on/around the few tables dirk and john set up, and its fine until karkat complains (not a real complaint, just his usual kk charm) and dirk is like listen here fucker. i did not spend all day shuffling around some wooden tables to listen to you bitch and moan about the twenty different factors that no human could ever have control over at a cookout. and it turns into a little back and forth and its great because could you imagine dirk waving his little spatula/tongs around in a disapproving manner?

john gets to interject and say hey. cut this shit out. shut up and eat. and they do! but everyones a little uneasy from the little bit of pseudo bickering (it was just comments from dirk and karkat being his usual self, i imagine thats just what a conversation between those two would be like normally) and so john is like psst. hey buddy. you up to prank some people? and dirk is like hell fucking yes, i was waiting for you to ask, i expected more from the blood of the ultimate prankster jane crocker. and so they go and get some water ballons and wait till everyones done eating (a prankster has his manners, thank you very much.) and basically, dirk gets his vindication when he gets to shout karkats name and watch him turn around to a waterballon straight between the eyes.

earth c waterballon fight. nuff said.

jade and roxy using their powers to drop huge ass water ballons over their enemies heads? john using his windy powers to steer balloons away from dirk, whos just going ham at ths point? dont even get me started on daves natural strider reflexes. anyways they all have a fun night and john hugs dirk and then dirk goes home and cries about a boy who isnt his ex/brother showing him physical affection.

john had a fun time so you KNOW hes going to be going over dirks house to check on him and find his whole house wrecked due to dirks tendency to be messy as fuck. cue more inevitable dirkjohn hangouts. the end.