#if anyone in 2023 still cares about this show lmao

[horsetailcurlers2]

the most upsetting thing to me about sam on private practice isn’t even that he started off as a somewhat likeable character and ended up being the worst. it’s that the entire show keeps trying to tell me what a “good guy” he is. like every character on the show is always going on and on about what a great person he is and what a decent man he is but his actions just tell me the exact opposite. it drives me absolutely nuts when a show just tells you how you’re supposed to feel about a character regardless of what their actions tell you.

[youremyheaven]

Can you elaborate on your experiences with goddess worship? 🩷🩷

I started my journey with goddess worship in 2022. Chanting has always appealed to me and chanting mantras (beej mantras of the deity in question) while visualising the deity is how it started for me. I was drawn to a certain Goddess almost instinctively even though I did not know much about her up until that point and connecting with her energy made me feel really good. I felt bodily sensations that felt powerful and by chanting, it's akin to embodying the energy of the Goddess within yourself and making yourself sacred??? I remember how during the height of my practice, I'd get told often that I emanate a certain "glow" and that I had a very sage like aura lmao. I just remember being stared at often and being perceived in an almost exalted way.

However late 2022- much of 2023 was a tough time for me and I fell out of touch with my practice and really suffered as a result. I felt myself go haywire, I gained more weight, my hair was falling out in chunks, my skin was breaking out and it's like I did a 180 😭 I felt really lost spiritually and otherwise and struggled to feel any kind of balance. And these had very physical repercussions for me.

Then obviously, I found my way back and I regained fresh perspective and how important my practices including Goddess worship have been in shaping my internal landscape. Several months ago, I struggled with severe anxiety and it was prayer that helped me get through it. During those times yoga did feel a bit mechanical or robotic but I kept doing it simply because I'd rather do it than not do it.

Finding my way back into the practice has taught me so much. Spirituality is truly a calling and no matter how much you read/research/practice, unless the Divine calls you, you will remain blind to the true nature of living. This is not to discourage anyone, in fact I suggest deep diving into it yourself and see what you gain from it. It's worthwhile to keep showing up everyday until you're called in further.

Also no spiritual practice makes you invulnerable. You're still human and you'll still make mistakes and be hurt/upset but you will have more grace moving through these experiences. You'll suffer less than others who make suffering their entire personality. One cannot embody the Goddess without also embodying her boundless mercy, infinitude reservoir of strength and tranquility.

It's always amusing to me when people say things like "oh why did the goddess not give you $5 billion and your dream life, what's even the purpose of worship them???" or "how can you be spiRitUaL when you watch movies/listen to music/are involved with men???". Being spiritually evolved does not mean you turn into a Zen master who lives in a cave.

The Goddess is not a vending machine. You want xyz things bc we live in a capitalist society where you're taught to value them. The Goddess gives you internally and when you're sorted within, you can make strides in life. Obviously she also often throws miracles your way but it's important to understand that the purpose of prayer and worship is not making $$$ or whatever. Im not saying you shouldn't pray for money or material things just that you shouldn't look at prayer as some kind of quick fix for financial woes???

You can still have a life, hobbies, interests etc and you don't have to "transcend" beyond them. You don't become less Zen by shaking your ass to Nicki Minaj 😬

However it will be hard to be a part of stan culture and celebrity worship because you won't care anymore and it won't feel right?? We worship money, fame and celebrities because our soul craves for connection and worship is inherently a part of our making. But it's important to not worship false gods (like money, fame and celebrities). Remember you are what you worship.

My personality has changed remarkably in the last couple of years and maybe even every few months, i feel like a new person and that's another feature of one's evolution. It's easier to accept and imbibe fresh insights and be comfortable with growth and change.

The concept of mantra purusha (which is different but similar to all the chanting ive been doing all along) is still very new to me (thank you to that anon who lmk about it) but Im reading David Frawley's book and it's all kind of coming together.

Goddess worship helps me feel connected to a profound nurturing spirit, a tranquil cosmic bliss, divine sensuality and ultimate peace and abundance.

All that said, do not start your Goddess worship unless you're prepared to commit to it daily and tbh once you start and feel its effect, you probably will want to worship everyday hehe

its actually helped me embody femininity in a way that did not feel limiting instead more transcendent, powerful and beyond whatever society tells you to be.

[badasscoffeemug]

expanding on my tags on this wonderful drawing by @moeyoon (hope that's okay), because i can, in fact, not stop thinking about it. guess i'll hereby out myself as an insane f1 girlie but i have Thoughts, so:

bucktommy formula 1 drivers au

buck is absolutely max verstappen-esque, a prodigy already a standout in karting but really caught the attention of several driver academies the moment he set foot in a single-seater

rough around the edges but with so much raw speed everyone Knows he's something special. aka the exact type the red bull driver academy of old would've loved

so he's signed, thrown into toro rosso/alpha tauri/vcarb (whichever name the faenza-based rb junior team is called at the time), impresses, gets promoted to red bull racing, becomes their Golden Boy. the One they rest their hopes and dreams on

his driving style is aggressive, daring, especially in his early years in the sport. maybe he causes a few incidents. maybe some other drivers aren't too fond of his antics. what of it?

but he's good, undeniably. and he mellows out over the years, though he never loses that edge, never afraid to push it right to the limit on track (just knows how to pick his battles now)

his attitude is a bit divisive with the audience, but he is well-liked in the paddock, even good friends with some of his peers. he is fiercely loyal to his team, absolutely intends to stay with them for the rest of his career (that's his Family), but does not put up with any shit and does not hold back from speaking his mind when he's unhappy with things

generational talent, even his detractors won't deny. won at least 3 world drivers' championships to show for it (i'm giving him 5-6 if we're going by buck's current canon age, but i'd probably age 'em down a bit if i ever were to flesh this au out further, for realism's sake)

bonus: buck fucking kills the grill the grid challenges every year, he is filled to the brim with trivia knowledge and hypercompetitive, that's His thing

(reference, max verstappen's action of the year winning overtake in 2019, max winning in 2024, max and his beloved engineer gp)

tommy, on the other hand, is part of the old gen. nearing retirement at this point. well past his prime, but you don't get to stick around for this long if you aren't still good

where i envision a near one-on-one comparison to verstappen's career trajectory for buck, i don't exactly have a clear one for tommy's. but probably something halfway between fernando alonso and kimi räikkönnen

he's talented from the jump, but the timing is never quite right, always driving at his best during someone else's dominance. changes teams a fair few times. never quite lived up to his perceived potential. some may call it "poor career choices", but that's easy with hindsight

did one significant stint at a top team though and got one, maybe two wdcs out of it

"retires" a champion, does some other motorsport (rallying probably, maybe some nascar races for fun) comes back a year later for the love of the game

a known asset for any team due to his experience and renowned skills regarding car set-up and development

doesn't care much for the media side of things, has a bit of a reputation as standoffish, though every team will insist he's great to work with even if he doesn't socialize much

his illustrious career lends to some reverence though, some of the younger gen drivers may even name tommy kinard as their idol, if they were the right age to grow up watching him race at the peak of his success

as for current teams i'd put him in aston martin i think, alonso-like role. alpine would love to have him but anyone with a bit of reputation to spare would steer clear of that mess right now, sauber maybe but tommy's better than dead last, haas was an option but he's still a champion and they cannot afford a driver with that type of salary lmao

(reference, kimi räikönnen in 2007, fernando alonso in the 2023 aston martin)

[twopoppies]

Taylor to me is so calculating and knows exactly what’s she’s doing and how she can get her fans to worship her by pretending to be their bestie and media to write about her. Releasing old tracks and selling 3748 versions of it to make shit ton of money is just…she’s smart let’s leave it at that. And these vault tracks are the thing that is making people talk and speculate. So ofc her fans love to ‘know’ who she sings about based on an album that she heavily hinted at being about Harry. Which both cases have 0 proof of ever being real. This amount of speculation based on a two month PR shit show in 2012? Is just absurd lmao even IF it were real, but especially cause it clearly was fake as fuck. How bad must the parasocial relationship and wishful thinking be? Anyways as long as the worst thing people think she insinuated about (fake BF) Harry, is that he didn’t love her back accordingly and broke her heart that way then, WELL. I take it haha

Literally who cares? Now in 2023 she clearly is over her ‘heartbreak’ and seems to be on good / neutral terms with him. Even if it’s just for show or whatever. If anyone of her fans is still mad about Harry based on literally nothing but some strategically clever placed lyrics and her clapping at the Grammys is just ….grasping at the giant straws here.

Harry is somewhere unbothered making new music 🎶 so haha

I ghost wrote this. Especially the last paragraph. 🤣

[nicromancytarot]

REINCARNATION AND TRAUMA

Found this in my drafts from months ago lmao, so here you go!

Hello! I am here to chat more shit because I’m bored and wish to entertain the few who care (I’m also procrastinating making dinner which is a delicious chicken roast which shall take me around two hours to make and it’s already half 8 at night #rip)

MY OPINION ON REINCARNATION

This time last year I told myself that I would never reincarnate again if I had the opportunity to do so, perhaps it appears selfish, and now looking back on it, I think based on what I know now, me refusing to reincarnate is selfish, but only for me. I don’t think choosing not to reincarnate would be selfish as a whole, but knowing what I know now, I would say that me deciding not to reincarnate is somewhat selfish.

The start of this year and the end of last I did a past life meditation, I already knew about two of my past lives, one where I was just heavily oppressed and died, another where I was a religious leader who got condemned for breaking my vow of abstinence, and my most impactful one for this life which I will get into.

I did a past life meditation at the end of last year, my intention was just to find the past life that affects this one the most, and now I feel very much healed from past trauma which is crazy.

DISCLAIMER: Only do a past life meditation if you can actually handle it mentally. I discovered the meditations in 2020, was not ready until late 2023, so take that as you will.

When doing the meditation I saw myself, I was a man, not too sure how old or at what time I was living, but it felt to be maybe the 80’s-90’s, it felt surprisingly recent. I went into the kitchen, and there stood my three children. The oldest boy I called by the name of “Sonny” or “Sunny”, but I don’t know if that was his name, may have rather been a nickname.

Going a tad back in time, I was trying to figure out the name of someone of importance to me back in November last year, and that’s when my guide proceeded to spell out the name “Anna Ray”, I don’t know anyone called Anna Ray, or even anyone called Anna, so I was confused and let it be.

Now back to current time, so I’m in the kitchen and standing by my three children when a woman, beautiful with pale skin, wearing an off the shoulder, long classy, black dress, a shawl hanging over her arms and her hair was a mousy brown. She never said her name, but when she turned around to look at me, I didn’t recognise her, but my soul absolutely did. In my head in that moment, in my manly voice I heard “Anna” and I was like “OHHHHH” it all adds up!

So that’s why I don’t know if my kids name was Sonny, or Sunny, because it could’ve been a play on words Sunny Ray, like sun-ray.

Anywho, so we left the house and then the meditation skipped some time since the meditation person told me to stand and let time go past me, which it did, the living room moved around a few times, things got added, things were taken away.

And then time stopped, I saw myself in third person sat down on the couch in front of the TV, I don’t even know if I was watching it, but then third person another time, I saw a shadow of a woman fall to ground.

Consciously I was so confused about what just happened, I didn’t understand what that was supposed to be showing me, but my heart began to race, my breathing picked up and I was lowkey freaking out. And I had no idea why.

Then it cut again, now I’m at a funeral, standing on the podium and talking. I still looked quite youthful, but my hair was turning grey from what I assume to be stress. Then it was like a download of information and I realised that my wife, Anna was murdered.

The funeral was not very long for what I saw, the two boys, I’m assuming ages 17-18 and 15-16 were sat on one side, meanwhile the young girl around age 9-10 was sat on my side. To me this symbolised the disconnect from me and my two son’s versus the closeness of me and my daughter. I also now looking back on it think it may have meant that the boys were on Anna’s families side, while my daughter was on mine, since there was an older woman who I assume to be my mother sat next to her.

My daughter gave me an encouraging smile as I spoke, I have no recollection of what I said, but she seemed proud of me. The boys however did not, they struggle to face me.

The last part of the meditation ended by me sat on the couch, slowly watching time pass me by, more and more alcohol bottles scattered the room as I just lay there. I became an alcoholic father, and it drove me to my death.

I got to see my wife for one last time as everything went white and my existence was no more. She stood in front of me, in that off the shoulder dress, her hair up in a pretty hairstyle. She had a mole on the back of her right shoulder and I placed a kiss to it, then I had to go.

I woke up and sobbed dude, four hours of consistent crying. And then I also realised that I have a mole on the back of my right shoulder lmao.

The reason I bring up this story is because I grew up with an alcoholic parent in this life, and there was a lot of trauma from that which I couldn’t quite begin to understand or rationalise.

This experience helped me heal from that, I learnt that I subjected my kids to watching their father deteriorate from the alcohol that he consumed. And now in this life I experienced what I did to them.

Now listen, I have 8th house Uranus in Pisces 💀, I’ve been through a bunch of stuff that I struggle to even think about at times, however now that I know about that life, and how it links to what I experienced in my early ears of this lifetime, I can say that I don’t question “why me” anymore, I don’t ask why it had to happen, because I now know that my soul needed to throw us deep into a karmic lesson. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, I’m not saying don’t allow yourself to feel something over situations that happen to you, however what I am saying is that we cannot control what others do to us, and we cannot go back to change what they did, so what can we learn from that unfortunate situation?

[the1975attheirverybest]

I truly am happy for Matty. He deserves the fucking world honestly. But it makes me realize I don't have a BF, I don't have friends and I don't get a long with my family most of the time. I'm working on myself this Year I hope something will change. ❤️ I hope for uou and everyone else too. Anyway, sometimes I treat Matty like he is my little brother, his happiness makes me so so happy truly. I love him with all my heart.

Yeah, same. It often feels like I don’t belong anywhere with anyone lmao. But I think everyone feels that way sometimes. I mean, someone like Matty, who has such solid friendships with more than one person, has a mom and a dad who are literally nothing but proud of him in Tim and Denise, a lil brother who clearly looks up to him. Thousands of humans all around the world who care for him deeply, still felt the things that he wrote about in Frail State of Mind, Nothing Revealed/Everything Denied, I Think There’s Something You Should Know, etc.

And, yeah, we see him being happy now, but let’s not forget what he just went through. Pretty much from Feb 7, 2023 right up until December 2023 was absolute hell for him. The entire universe hated him. People not only criticized the things that he did wrong, but everything he’s ever done with his entire life, called him a pedophile, brought up his addiction, wished he would overdose, wished he would die, mocked his appearance, his voice, dragged his ex partners, especially Twigs, harassed Jack Antonoff and Phoebe Bridgers and anyone who was seen being friends with him. Can you imagine what that must have made him feel about himself? I mean he literally shows us in the peanut bit onstage.

As Denise said, the show is as much about all that as it is about his fear of addiction and his fear of people leaving him. Just cuz he appears to have everything he could ever want: a beautiful and kind gf, the worlds most generous parents, and a stellar career, doesn’t mean that his life isn’t just as cold and hard and miserable as the rest of us. And, by his own admission, he only got to the place we currently see him in, where he’s happy and healthy, by going to therapy and being learning to do the hard stuff and by growing up. He’s doing his best. And he doesn’t always get it right. Sometimes he’ll go off the rails. And, unlike me and you and the rest of the world, where, our worst days are private (maybe only seen by a handful of coworkers or family or whatever), his worst days are in front of thousands. and boy do they let him know when he’s fucked up.

Don’t let his joy mislead you into being hard on yourself and don’t let it make you forget that he’s just as fucked up as we all are. He’s just really really brave. That’s all.

[journalsouppe]

My spread of one of my top 3 favorite written works made -- Congruent (and Isometry) by @sincosma! This is the only fanfic I have journaled and wow this fic is truly incredible. It's always amazing finding a piece of fiction that just connects with you completely, and I'm so glad I found it by chance (or was it fate?) from a beautiful piece of artwork by Art Nevoa.

Thank you to sincosma for writing such a beautiful story and it just makes me much more excited to be in the Sheik zine! And spoilers for anyone who hasn't read Congruent!!

Writing typed below! (plus an extra blurb on the review and some other fanart links)

This review is structured more for myself detailing what made me love the fic throughout the story, which is different than a review I'd post on AO3 as this is for me to recall what I was thinking at the time of reading the fic. It was only around this time that I considered posting my spreads online so this was mostly a personal review! If I spent more time on it I would have worded some things differently but alas, it is in permanent ink.

Here's two other pieces of art that I absolutely love here and here (although this one is a spoiler).

By: Sincosma 9.7/10 - Febr. 2023

What a beautiful and devastating story. This fanfic perfectly captured my thoughts and feelings about post canon OOT Link and Sheik. Congruent perfectly depicts both Link and Sheik suffering from PTSD while also trying to understand their feelings for each other. It was definitely odd at first to have Sheik be a separate character from Zelda, but the author handled him with such tender care that I completely understand her disappointment when they were revealed to be the same person. Sheikah lore is expanded on so well and in a way that perfectly fits the OOT depiction of Sheikah. Not to mention keeping and emphasizing Sheik's darker skin tone. I would honestly love to learn more about the Sheikah from the OOT era especially because they are completely different in BOTW. There were also some details (minor) that were different but were only mentioned once and didn't bug me much. For example the small comment about Link being tall, when in fact he is a short king. This fic also stressed me the hell out. The author really put Link and Sheik through it but also perfectly encapsulated the anxiety these events would give them. The Nether added a whole new level of horror I was not expecting. The void walker scenes especially were so bone chilling and anxiety inducing. I would actually be surprised if Link DIDN'T change from his experiences there. After the Nether was the development of a delicious slow burn consisting of Link constantly trying to suppress his very gay thoughts of his best friend. One of my favorite moments is when Link thinks "I don't understand why Sheik wouldn't want to be with Malon." Like huh Link I could ask you the same exact question LMAO. Not to mention the desert scenes where Link and Sheik started opening up to each other more and more omfg. My absolute favorite scenes all happened in the lost Sheikah city. Incredible mental environmental imagery, amazing plot points, and the beginning of congruence and healing. Man I wish we had more about the Sheikah than just Kakariko UGH this fic is so good with Sheikah lore. The revival of Kalyh was perfect not only to add tension to Link's budding feelings, but to also add tension to the plot and rising threat. The threat of Fourskys was really interesting. I like how Termina was always in Link's fate. I also like how Fourskys community is just filled with refugees from Hyrule, it emphasizes how corrupt Hyrule is while also showing even your own community can fall into corruption. Ugh this fic just felt so true to oCarina of Time I really have to tell myself it isn't canon. Even when Link and Sheik got together it was still tragic as they didn't know if they were going to die, or worse, during the fight. I love that the end concluded with Sheik losing his arm and magic as it shows just how cruel fate and prophecies can be, but also his willingness to give up anything just to be with Link. And that leads into Isometry, the perfect bittersweet conclusion. Link and Sheik still struggle with PTSD, but they have each other and were able to leave Hyrule. Nothing is perfect but they get to live humble and secluded lives, married. UGH I could go on forever but this is such an all time favorite piece of writing. I am so happy to have stumbled across it and hopefully I van do more with it in the future.

[katronautt]

KAT'S 2022 YEAR REVIEW & THANK YOU NOTE

well hello there everyone. i'm not sure if this is still a thing this year because i haven't seen anyone doing this (or i just wasn't tagged in one at all sdjfkfkf) but that won't stop me from writing another year review and saying thank you to my wonderful internet friends!

at the end of last year i finally moved out of my parents house so i've been officially living alone for a whole year now and i'm proud to announce that i still live haha its not easy sometimes and it's hella expensive but i enjoy it nonetheless. i continued decorating and furnishing my apartment and it slowly but surely became my comfy little corner on this earth and im very proud of it :3

i know i said last year sucked and i was hoping for a better one in 2022 but boy oh boy was i wrong lmao

this year was shite. like utter shite. i didn't get a job that i enjoy doing or pays well BUT at least i still have a job lol the job sucks and sometimes i wanna jump out from the 3rd floor window but i managed to make wonderful friends among my colleagues so i'm definitely thankful for that. i only work there for 7 months but i already feel like we've known each for years and they definitely make working there bareable.

this year i also finally get to meet my bff (braincell for life), Ariana (@queenofthefaceless) in person and i am very much grateful for that. i'm sad no more meeting could happen in the rest of the year but maybe in the next one 😉❤

towards the end of the year i started working out again because i gained a little bit of weight and altough i became much more confident this year, it started to bother me so i'm proud of myself for not letting it slide and now i'm mostly focusing on getting my strength back i used to have instead of being the couch potato i was all year lol and one of my new years revolution for 2023 is to eat healthier and work out even more.

and yes i am still not over the fact that you guys putting out those wonderful fics for us for free. you still rock !! 💜💜

next year i will continue to hope for a better job, one that i enjoy and pays better (or at least one of these lol) and to be even more confident and open to new things ( and finding a rich husband 🙏)

ALRIGHTY NOW ONTO THE THANK YOU NOTES:

⭐@queenofthefaceless i still love you bro sm. you rock & i can't wait for another year with you (and your amazing fics)💜

⭐my dearest cee @fuckyeahdindjarin. you started writing for the pedro fandom earlier this year and you decided to start it all with a bang haha. i was hooked on consent after the 2nd chapter and was never let go. your writing is brilliant, my favorite thing is how you can amazingly combine comedy, angst and smut in one chapter in such a kickass way i found myself rereading sentences and conversations just so a chapter would last longer. i loved that series and i cant wat to see what you will bringing into 2023! 💜

⭐ i am so honored to call you my friend kc @avennger. and i'm now so glad that i had the courage of sliding into your dm's and start incoheretnly screaming at you (YOU KNOW AFTER WHICH CHAPTER).. because that started our conversation and i love love love chatting with you and bonding over our disaster saurondriel couple haha. you are one of the most talented writer i've met and you have such great potential i'm honestly in awe. the research and work you put ito your works is absolutely mind-blowing and i hope i'll get to read many many amazing works from you in the future! ily 💜

⭐ @foli-vora foli, you continue to amaze me with your amazing fics and your wonderful and friendly personality. please never change and here's to another year filled with insane horniness towards middle aged man 🥂💜

⭐ i think we can all agree that cristina @pedropascalsx is the nicest and most supportive person on this hellsite right? you always surprise me with the insane amount of goodness you have for the people you care about and you showed nothing but supportiveness and kindness towards me too and for that i am so so grateful. you are a wonderful and talented person and i hope you'll have just as wonderful year in 2023 🥰

⭐ @sirtadcooper ruth, even tho you spent a good amount of 2022 taking a break from tumblr (which i completely understand, believe me) like i said before, i was so happy seeing you back on my dash, you were always so supportive and i hope you won't stop making those amazing edits of yours 😘

⭐@mandosmistress mari, you wonderful, wonderful friend.. i was honored to be your best reader of 2022 very early in the year and here i am hoping to achieve the best reader of 2023 next year just as quckily while we continue our horny brainstorming in the dms because i love doing that with you 🤭💜

⭐@ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa i love and miss our late night (& horny) conversations so much. you are such an amazing and nice person katryn and i hope we get to chat again in the new year! ily 💜

and here's tagging the rest of y'all who i owe my life to because once again your amazing fics give me absolute joy and i know i will never be able to pay it back to you beside the support i'm always trying to give back in reblogs and reviews and promotions and such. here's to you all!! 🥂❤ (i am forever sorry if i missed someone):

@absurdthirst, @the-darklings, @softpedropascal, @write-and-buried, @oonajaeadira, @honestly-shite, @outercrasis, @qveenbvtch, @javier-pena, @toomanystoriessolittletime, @storiesofthefandomlovers, @lellowberry, @frannyzooey, @charnelhouse, @krissology, @juletheghoul, @dincrypt, @f0rever15elf, @the-ginger-hedge-witch, @astroboots, @brandyllyn, @littlemisspascal, @radiowallet, @just-here-for-the-moment, @letterfromvienna, @amywritesthings, @the-scandalorian, @whataperfectwasteoftime, @orcas86, @saintmurd0ck, @demonscantgothere

HERE'S TO 2023!!! 🥂💜

[ferperss]

Loved reading your lore so thank you for the tag!! @sportsthoughts

I spent waaaay too much time writing this but once I started I felt like I couldn’t stop lmao, so I’m applauding anyone that gets through it!

The story of how I ended up where I am today is a long and winding road lmao. But I think I should start by prefacing with the fact that hockey has been a part of my life since I was born essentially. There are pictures of me on a pair of skates at around age 2 when my dad first tried to teach me! Then I played consistently from age 6 to 14 but quit when they wanted me to leave the “girls” team and play with the women because I was intimidated haha. Besides playing myself I’ve also spent many hours with my dad on the couch watching Sweden play in any and all kinds of tournaments, worlds, Olympics you name it, and since he never really rooted for any other team in Sweden or outside of it I just kind of slowly fell into that same thing. I knew there was a hockey league overseas that a lot of our own players were shipped off to but I never really had any interest in rooting for a team that wasn’t team Sweden at the time.

In the winter of 2014, I was at the ripe age of 15 and I did not play hockey anymore nor did I care about any teams really, but two of my best friends at the time became OBSESSED with this one junior player and kept talking about him. This man was none other than Thee Mr Willy Nylander himself. This led to the three of us obsessing over him and we watched him play in the world juniors over our winter break. It got to the point of us picking fights with people on twitter that said he was a bad player and really anyone that said anything negative about our Swedish players hahaha. We had a group chat named after him and everything. We eventually lost interest and forgot about him but this story is important because it comes back later.

Flash forward to May 2023! Before I entered my hockey era again I had an eight month long absolutely crushing obsession with the TV show 9-1-1 that was airing on Fox at the time (ABC now thank god, I still keep track) that came to a screeching halt when the season 6 finale aired and I hated it. I swore up and down that I was never ever going to watch that show again and now that the one thing I had been so fixated on for so long was gone I did not know what to do with myself. Which sounds so dramatic but honestly sometimes I don’t know who I am if I have nothing to obsess over. So naturally I needed entertainment and as I looked up through the haze of firefighters and network drama I found that the 2023 IIHF World Championship in Tampere and Riga was on! And I had no choice! There was hockey to be watched and I sure did watch it. Now, it did not go too well for the Swedish team last year, which is okay. But one thing that happened was the constant debate on wether Willy Nylander was going to join in. His brother was there and his teammate Timothy Liljegren also joined in. But there was no word on Willy himself. And it was all they talked about. He obviously did not end up joining but all the talk had made me nostalgic. And naturally I had to revisit the old object of obsession and see how he was doing over the Atlantic and turns out he was doing quite well indeed. And because I am a sucker for team dynamics and narratives (who could ever believe I studied film for five years) I desperately clung onto the Toronto Maple Leafs like my life depended on it. What I didn’t know was that these were also transformative times, and once I’d gotten into the team and the organization, I was bewildered when Kyle Dubas all of a sudden was going to another team??? How could that be?? The Penguins?? And that’s when I found my way to the Pittsburgh Penguins, the power of Dubas’ cardigans and Sidney Crosby’s fat ass gripped me and now I split my time between my equally cursed teams like they’re my divorced parents. And here we are.

Naturally there are a lot of nuances left out of here, I’ve covered the key points but I think that there are probably so many reasons that it was the perfect time for me to get into hockey again and here we are almost a year later and there’s no going back now!! I’m stuck here forever. And I would not have it any other way <3

This is the end of ramblings and I’ll say if there’s anything I love more than hockey, it’s being dramatic, and also I didn’t spell check this at all so if it’s not perfect I’m sorry (I’d love to blame it on English not being my first language but it’s the only subject I’ve always had straight A’s in so it’s not really applicable it’s just me being lazy)

[jjsanguine]

BL/QL Ask game: The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst

From @clara-maybe-ontheroad

I feel like starting a random tag ask game for all the terrible shit us QL-lovers put up with, sometimes for pleasure, sometimes for pain, sometimes for both! The list of questions ended up being very long so no one has to do them all, just the ones you want, but I'm excited to see what everyone comes up with :)

The categories are:

Worst soundtrack / weirdest song choice in a BL

I listen to basically anything so I've yet to really be weirded out. I have kpop, world music, afropop, Afrobeats, gospel, country, drill, R&B, praise and worship (?) and others I don't know the genre names for jumbled together in the same playlist lmao.

Most cringe-inducing line (cute)

"Let's kiss the dog together" in Lovely Writer. I don't like dogs so this made me crease even more. Kissing animals is gross I'm sorry.

Most cringe-inducing line (actually bad)

Any line I truly disliked is blissfully gone from my memory.

Most stupid decision made by a character

Any of Phupha's decisions in The Promise (2023), but chiefly the decision to disappear from 10 years. I know it was the driving force in the show but it was still a fucking terrible decision.

Worst plot line

Gram x Eugene in Not Me. Literally huh ??? I choose to ignore it.

The most problematic show you've watched

Probably Tharntype. I do not care what happened in Lhong's life man. Why are you muddying a cartoon villain with a sob story.

A show people love but you find bad

I never finished Love In The Air or Gap the Series. I didn't find them bad really, I just got missed an episode and then never caught up.

A show people find bad but you will defend

I don't know if people dislike the while show but secret crush on you episode 1 makes you want to peel off your skin and wring the ick out of your bones. But after you've taken a month or so to recover from that, it's a masterpiece.

A show that is just objectively bad but you enjoyed it

Probably Tharntype, purely based on me watching it several times but also wanting to throw my phone for like 80% of the runtime. It's like when I eat food and go "I'm not sure how I feel about this" the entire time, but have to conclude logically that I liked it somewhat since I finished it all of my own volition.

A bad show that you kept watching because you were intrigued/fascinated

A lot a lot of them. I am easily pleased.

A bad show that you kept watching because you were horny

There's no level of horniness that will make me stick with a show that I'm losing interest in. Why would I bother with something that has a plot in that case lmao.

A bad show that you kept watching because of that one character

I've never done this with a QL because I could just watch a fancam, but I am going to keep watching Outer banks even though season 3 was character assassination because Pope is my baby.

A bad show that you would still recommend

Why would I recommend a show I think is bad??

The character that ruined a show the most

He didn't ruin the show but Not's off screen redemption arc in Be My Favourite soured the ending a tiny bit for me. Not everyone has to win y'know?

Most awful character that you hated /Most awful character that you loved / A character that wasn't awful but that you just don't like

If I dislike a fictional character I usually just forget about them.

A hero that should have been a villain

Joke in Hidden agenda. He was a troubled guy but they could have gone full on toxic with it.

A morally bad character you're into

Kinn. Well, most characters in Kinnporsche. If they were real I'd want a few dozen degrees of separation between me and anyone with such casual disregard for human life.

A morally bad character you're not into and you wish people would stop being into

I don't really keep track of who others are into.

The show that disappointed you the most

Step by step. You don't even need to change the plot, just the pacing.

The Worst Show of Them All Because of Your Own Reasons

I 100% purged my memory of it, whatever this show was.

[safespacespence]

what if i made a comeback?

no im kidding im not doing that i would be insane

anyways, this is my formal exit from tumblr. i was finding it kinda funny cause my pinned post was still "psa im going on a break" but had no intentions on returning LMAO

i'd just like to say thank you for all of the love ive received on this platform. i've outgrown who i was on here, but i've got to give tumblr credit for sparking my love for writing all over again. im gonna be all icky down below, so read if u want to, but u dont have to lol

to the friends ive made on here, thank you for the love! i hope you all take care of yourself and have your inboxes filled with flowers and flowers and flowers. ive definitely had my ups and downs on here, but trust that you've made a mark on my life. i will forever remember u by your username, and what emoji you had next to your tag :'))

to the writers still tryna get their groove or make their mark, keep at it. i was shocked when i received fifty notes, and for my favorite work to be at 900+ is surreal. find your style and stick to it. but also, who am i to say anything im just some guy ASLUIDVAIWUE

i'm sorry for the unfulfilled requests or promises made, recommendations not given. but the people still on this platform are so incredibly passionate about their writing, and i've got to give that to them. so to my fav writers, idk if you'll ever read this, but TAKE YOUR SPACE. i love u you got me thru sum shit.

idk what's going on in this space rn but if you have drama with anyone let it go please it's 2023 we all have better things to do go watch a reality show if you desperately need your fill or watch a dont worry darling drama breakdown video SHLDASD;FH

i wish i was more dramatic or sentimental and had more to say about this and had wisdom to sprinkle in but i thought it'd just be respectful if i did one last post to say goodbye for good. im moving on in my life, and i wish you all the best <333

[recolourrhys]

1 and 14 for the ask game please!

1. Show your most recent wip

Well. That would be a redraw I'm doing of a piece from the summer bc Rory's design has changed a lot LMAO I haven't started anything "new" yet!!

OC art gets posted to @digirhys bc I keep this acct just for fanworks!✌🏻 so that's where the final for this will go (a cropped version at least. The full will go on cohost)

14. How has your art changed over the years?

Oh boy. In almost every way possible, I think!! Save that I am still keenly focused on character art, from my love of storytelling :0

From a technical aspect my art has of course changed and improved tremendously from when I started drawing when I was still single digits lol the inevitable outcome of never really Stopping Drawing :V

I don't have records of old traditional art as much, so the oldest art I have that isn't toddler art was from when I was around 11-12 – those aren't these lol but I started using dA when I was a young teen, so I have those as archives of what I was doing digitally (the left group of drawings are from that first dA acct, as far back as when I was 14 :Y

I think on the more con/critical side of things, my creativity has been severely stunted. In part I think that's a natural progression of thinking as I've aged, but one I know can be combated! It just takes an active effort and approach to work creativity and whimsy like a muscle, and that's something I know I haven't done a great job of :'3

It's bittersweet looking at old art where I can see how much fun I was having and how there were no inhibitions, no worrying about things being OP or cringe or "Mary sue". It's heartwarming being able to see that passion in my own art, and simultaneously i feel a bit guilty n ashamed that I've let a lot of it get worn out of me by Life, in part by things out of my control;;;;;

It is DIFFICULT to throw those cares aside again! Almost all of the storytelling I used to do was in collaboration with friends I fell out with, and it was a bit of a slap in the face to realize last year/during 2023 that I never really told stories or built characters on my own, and it's been hard for me to find that joy and passion. I loved what I was doing with friends and miss that feeling of community, but I think it's important and I want to learn how to create and tell stories primarily for myself now, too. What's been most difficult initially is fighting against a feeling of embarrassment just while simply brainstorming – it was a lot easier to throw caution to the wind and just revel in the Fun of Creating Whatever when surrounded by ppl making things with me with the same abandon!! TTwTT when we're all having a good time who cares if anyone else thinks it's silly, yanno?

I haven't quite figured it out, but that's one of my goals this year. I love doing fan stuff too when the inspiration strikes but I definitely want to put more energy into working on My Art, and figuring out what stories I want to tell and the characters involved. I think it'll be a big step, making the effort to make that shift, in helping to further heal my relationship w art in general and continuing to relearn how to love it and the messy, sometimes frustrating processes :'3

[aipilosse]

2022 Fanfic Meme

tagged by @arquiving/crownless! tyyyy

Very curious to see what happens as I’ve been avoiding stats for several months now!

Word count for the year: AO3 says it’s 231,727 but that’s because all of What Brings Us Together counts as 2022 though it was mostly published in 2021. 

Number of stories posted to Ao3: 11 (again, including WBUT which started the year before). This includes some anon fic 😶

Pairings written for: Celebrimbor/Sauron; Elwing/Earendil; Celebrimbor/Maeglin; 

Fandoms I wrote for: The Silmarillion, and one LotR fic (and one RoP but does it count if you’re just spoofing show rumors?) 

Most popular story: What Brings Us Together, by a long shot.

Story I’m most proud of: I am proud of What Brings Us Together -- it’s a novel! there’s plot! there’s a bajillion characters! I think I gave Sauron a totally undeserved happy ending without letting him completely off the hook! It (was) a pretty unique story (lmao no longer though)! But I’m also proud of Family Pulled From a Flood and A Fiend in Feline Shape both of which explored new relationships and characters and cultures. 

Funniest: Haha, probably A Fiend in Feline Shape -- Ancalagon as a rage-filled cat who accidentally becomes besties with Nimloth is just funny.

Kinkiest: lol the anon stuff.

Saddest: Four Winters, focused on Celegorm & Celegorm’s cruel servants, maybe my first tragic arc?

Least Popular: Well the more recently published stuff has less hits, but I’m going to guess it soon eclipses Lineage, my Arwen & daughter fic for the remix exchange.

Most Cringe-Worthy: lol the anon stuff.

Favorite Opening Line(s):

From a Fiend in Feline Shape:

The Valar gathered, as they were wont to do, on the third Thursday of every month. Or perhaps it was that the third Thursday of every month occurred whenever the Valar gathered. (Calendars were very stressful business for those who cared about such things in Aman.)

Favorite Closing Line(s):

eeeeehhhh let’s go with WBUT? (I really don’t think of myself as a writer who writes really sizzling lines out of context... always kind of painful to pull a quote)

Annatar looked up at him, some measure of awe still in his face. “And I will walk with you, through whatever shall come to pass, until the very end.”

Celebrimbor half rolled off Annatar, although his head still rested on his arm, and let their minds spin together, dreaming of a world unanticipated, but no less joyful.

Top Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated:

Celebrimbor wearing snake!Sauron from The Gold are Venomous 

Celegorm & Gwíneth hunting, from Four Winters (Celegorm in particular from the fic; he’s a trans man who looks like a short, stout Robert Plant circa 1973)

Ancalagon being a shoulder cat with Nimloth from a Fiend in Feline Shape

Story I haven’t yet written, but intend to: sooo many stories bouncing around my head yet I cannot focus on any. Hopefully some more post-canon silvergifting.

Fic-writing goals for 2023: Finish In a Strange Land, participate in a few exchanges.

Tagging (but no pressure): @lesbianhaleth, @undercat-overdog, @i-am-a-lonely-visitor, @jouissants, @samarqqand, and anyone else who’s interested! (sorry if you’ve been tagged a bunch/have already done it)

[jangyeevns]

sorry if this is old new also u don’t have to post this but one of my first discord rp experiences was w zelda & fleur and they literally made me feel like a villain for a whole month bc of their lack of communication + blocking me but then fleur unblocked me and kept joining my rps (to snoop and vaguely try to plot and act like nothing ever happened) so i’m glad u and others have been saying stuff cuz these people seriously made me feel like a menace to the rpc 💀

i'm definitely gonna answer because when don't i have something to say? LMAO

i can't speak to the zelda claims that have circulated since i've never interacted with them myself, so this is strictly an issue with fleur for me. i wasn't villainized until i got in the way of one of her potential endgames for her muse, in fact we were friends beforehand, but i look back on what we would talk about and can only feel pure disgust because i was a villain then, at least in my mind.

what was said at that time will never see the light of day because i ( and the other mun she befriended in our three way dm ) deeply regret fuelling her spite, jealousy and manipulative bullshit and don't care to have her use any receipts i have to suit her narrative or harass these muns even further, and i hate having the knowledge that i allowed her any influence over my judgment of others, over a lot of things actually. it’s not something i have to disclose necessarily as most would hate to put themselves in a negative light, but it’s to show not only accountability for what i myself participated in ( it was giving mean girls 2 vibes . calling it the og would inflate someone’s ego i’m sure ), but also that i have been on more than one side of fleur's fury and don't care to have others deal with it, end of.

... except not, because this is gonna be a whole rant FJSKGKDK

you are most definitely NOT a villain if fleur of all people claimed that you were back then, when she was in a position of authority and has famously used being an admin to her abusive advantage. i'm so sorry you've been on the receiving end of her god awful behaviour, but you're in pretty great company if i do say so myself 💅🏻 i can imagine it's difficult for anyone with that kind of history with another mun to have them in their own groups time and time again, especially when her behaviour has never strayed from the basic m.o. she's outed herself for ( by being a pathological liar in Everyone's dms ), but i hope this allows people to take a step back and consider the possible façade those like fleur will don to gain the attention and approval they so desperately crave.

at this point, receipts aren't necessary for me to believe someone, because i know what i've been through and my truth, as well as the experiences of a handful of other muns that correlate to everything that's been discussed this week – most of it we discussed months ago, so it tells you how easily you can find people in the community who've had a fucking bizarre encounter with her and how insane it is that it took this long to bring it into a more public space. you are valid, your stance is more than justified and if you get rude ass anons for deciding to call her ass out? don't mind her sheep ( and fleur disguising herself as one ), they don't know any better even at their big ages.

the gaslighting and harassment are out there now, and while i'm sure she'll still creep up with her new discord and attempt to do as she always does, i would assume other muns will be more vigilant moving forward and that's what matters most to me in all of this; sure, i'm being petty as fuck when she's brought up or when she invades my boundaries that me blocking her should've made VERY obvious, but my concern lies with the other muns she could manipulate, terrorize and use to her heart's content. they don't deserve to deal with that shit nor should we pipe down just because it bothers others, 2023 is the year of accountability and people can either join the movement or fuck right off 🤷🏻‍♀️

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 296

A Most Holy Man/The Woman Who Fell to Earth

“A Most Holy Man”

Plot Description: in search of a key component for creating a rift, Sam and Dean head west and become entangled in a web of characters pursuing a Maltese relic

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: can’t tell if that nun died, but I wouldn’t be a nun, soooooo

Oh good we have another red headed woman ❤️ ooooo, Dean’s mad or at least annoyed that she’s hitting on Sam and not him

Don’t you think Cas could have told them what a most holy man meant BEFORE leaving?? Sure, a saint is a good guess, but this wouldn’t be our first mission for nothing if they’re wrong or can’t get it

Oh sure. No big deal, just steal the skull of St Peter from a notorious mob boss in exchange for the blood of St Ignatius…

You know who could have been so useful right about now? Bela, morally charcoal loml

I’m now suspicious of everyone they meet in this hotel. But mostly the guy they literally ran into on the elevator

But maybe he’s TOO suspicious and I should be looking at the woman who was trading the spn book

You’re not wrong, Dean, but while being held not QUITE hostage by a mob boss who knows that legally speaking you’re already dead so no one would care if you died now is not the time to point out that the relics he had stolen for him already had a home

Can’t believe (by which I mean I really can believe) they got suckered into being mob lackeys

Aw year! Elevator guy is back!! Man, I gotta be way more basic in who I suspect

Elevator guy is a priest just trying to buy the skull back for his congregation? I’m not entirely buying the story but we’re like half way through the episode so I might as well for now

…istg, if they end up getting this priest’s blood and that’s enough? What if HE is “a most holy man”? Because I really think we might be heading that way after the priest’s speech about always trying to do good despite the failings of the world

They are still very much gonna try to steal that skull back, and I’m glad Sam convinced Dean to do it for this Maltese priest rather than the mob boss or the greedy relic dealer

This IS quite the web of characters. We’ve circled back to the redhead and she’s practically auctioning it between the two bad guys

Lmao “I’m creating a distraction” he says because lying is a sin

Are all the bad guys gonna shoot each other and Sam will emerge victorious with the skull? This is quite the ridiculous episode

Oh no. Oh ok. The bullet that shot the priest just grazed him

I knewwwww they’d get the priest’s blood because he’s “a most holy man”

Oh Sammy…you can’t stop all the bad in the world, you just have to do what you can

“The Woman Who Fell to Earth”

Plot Description: a mysterious woman, unable to remember her own name, falls from the Sheffield night sky

This forest is gorgeous and it’s so close to some really great hills, I almost don’t care about the sci-fi stuff happening

I say that and then a blue pod shows up and…that is interesting

Not saying I’m not interested in the people who the Doctor will be surrounding herself with for the next three seasons or however long each of them last, but I just kind of want to meet Thirteen now. It’s been a WHILE since the beginning of the episode

There she is!!

The cgi would have never been this good in the old days

This dude who just wants off the train and to go to work and forget all of this is so relatable

Poor Ryan. Can’t stop anyone from talking about how he can’t ride a bike

Ah fuck another pod thing has landed somewhere else

So this other alien looks like a swirling ball of dark spaghetti and blue electricity

Wait but this one had a different (yet somewhat related??) alien

AND Thirteen and her crew have dna bombs implanted in them by the first alien?

It’s frustrating starting all over with a whole new set of characters, especially when they all know each other and have an established rapport. Like, it was one thing to get Amy and a little bit of Rory right off the bat when Ten became Eleven, but we established something between Eleven and Amy first. I don’t want this to feel as off putting as it is. But I know at least three of the four new characters are going to be featured with Thirteen

Thirteen should have been allowed to keep the goggles she wore when creating her new sonic screwdriver. Think it would have gone well with the overalls and long coat

Oh nooooo, the guy who just wanted to get on with his life after the traumatic encounter with the Doctor and another alien is being hunted by a THIRD alien?? (The second we encountered not including the Doctor) HE’s the randomly designated prey? He just wanted to go to work…

OSHA would have so much to say about what’s going on at this construction site. So would whatever the UK version is

She’s mad she’s shorter now and i can’t blame her

I like Ryan’s mom. We haven’t had a really good companion mom since Jackie. Martha’s mom wasn’t horribly but Ryan’s mom seems so much cooler

FUCK. NO. I was just saying how cool she is…and they kill her off?!?! (I missed the part where she was actually his grandma? In my defense, I had the volume low because Megumi was sleeping)

I like Jodie’s accent

No but honestly the long coat with the sleeves pushed up to her elbows is such a look. I love it

Of course she zapped them right along with her, even if by accident

[infiniteglitterfall]

LMAOOOOOO OH MY GODDDDDD

I don't think I've ever used LMAO unironically in a post before but ARE YOU FUCKIN SERIOUS, OP.

The world would LOSE THEIR MINDS if ONE of the ISRAELI HOSTAGES showed SIGNS of sexual abuse or torture??!?

First of all: I have not watched the left deny the sexual assault of Israelis by Hamas over, and over, and over, and fucking over, for TEN MONTHS, as a fucking sexual abuse survivor myself, to now see people claiming that anyone CARES about it.

Second, on November 28, 2023, CNN interviewed the father of released 9-year-old Emily Hand.

This statement of his really illustrates our complete ignorance of everything about life under Hamas; all of the very basic things about it that Israelis and Gazans know from deep personal experience; and the complete silencing of Gazan activists by the "pro-Palestinian" movement.

He said that a few days after the attack:

“They just said, ‘We found Emily. She’s dead.’ And I went, ‘Yes!’ I went, ‘Yes!’ and smiled because that is the best news of the possibilities that I knew … So death was a blessing, an absolute blessing.”

And then it turned out they were wrong and she'd been taken hostage.

When she was released she was covered in lice, glassy-eyed with terror, and could not speak above a whisper because she'd been forced to be silent for so long.

Her group of hostages had been kept in such isolation that after 50 days as a hostage, Emily had thought she'd been captive for a year.

Third, on November 29, a Thai worker who was released from Hamas captivity said, “The Jews who were held with me were treated very harshly, sometimes they were beaten with electric cables.”

And 72-year-old Adina Moshe's family, translating for her from Hebrew, told CNN how she had been kept in the dark for 22 hours each day.

Fourth, on December 20, CNN described how 12-year-old Eitan Yahalomi was beaten when he arrived in Gaza, was forced to watch videos of Hamas's brutal attack over and over, and threatened at gunpoint to stop crying.

And how 84-year-old Elma Avraham was seriously ill when she returned from Gaza, fighting for her life on a ventilator. Dr. Hagai Levine reported, "You can see on her body that she was dragged from place to place, that she was handcuffed. She has chemical wounds from not treating her basic needs."

Fifth: On January 23, 2024, victims of sexual and gender-based violence by Hamas gathered to speak in front of Israel's parliament, the Knesset.

62-year-old Aviva Adrienne Siegel testified, "The terrorists brought inappropriate clothes, doll clothes and turned the girls into their dolls, dolls on a string with which you can do whatever you want and whenever you want.

"There wasn't a minute that we didn't go through some form of abuse. And they're still there, surviving, barely. I'm still there, my body is there. The boys are also abused, same as what the girls are going through. Maybe they don't get pregnant, but they are also a puppet on a string."

Sixth: On February 15, a clip from Sheryl Sandberg's documentary Screams Before Silence was released, in which hostage Agam Goldstein-Almog relates the story of a fellow hostage's rape.

She also says that about half of the girls and young women she met in captivity told her they had experienced sexual and physical abuse as hostages - "and I haven't talked to all the girls who are there." Most of the hostages she met are still in captivity, if they're still alive.

Seventh: On March 4, the United Nations' envoy on sex crimes during conflict presented a 24-page report, based on more than two weeks of meetings on the ground, which said there was "clear and convincing information that sexual violence including rape, sexualized torture, cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment" was committed against hostages being held in captivity in the Strip by Hamas. And that there are "reasonable grounds" to believe that such violence is still ongoing against those hostages still in captivity in Gaza.

Eighth: Israeli hostage Amit Soussana was interviewed in the New York Times about her rape in captivity on March 26, 2024, which is four and a half damn months ago.

Around Oct. 24, the guard, who called himself Muhammad, attacked her. “He came towards me and shoved the gun at my forehead,” Ms. Soussana recalled during eight hours of interviews with The New York Times in mid-March. After hitting Ms. Soussana and forcing her to remove her towel, Muhammad groped her, sat her on the edge of the bathtub and hit her again, she said. He dragged her at gunpoint back to the child’s bedroom, a room covered in images of the cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants, she recalled. “Then he, with the gun pointed at me, forced me to commit a sexual act on him,” Ms. Soussana said. Ms. Soussana, 40, is the first Israeli to speak publicly about being sexually assaulted during captivity after the Hamas-led raid on southern Israel. In her interviews with The Times, conducted mostly in English, she provided extensive details of sexual and other violence she suffered during a 55-day ordeal. Ms. Soussana’s personal account of her experience in captivity is consistent with what she told two doctors and a social worker less than 24 hours after she was freed on Nov. 30. Their reports about her account state the nature of the sexual act; The Times agreed not to disclose the specifics. For months, Hamas and its supporters have denied that its members sexually abused people in captivity or during the Oct. 7 terrorist attack. This month, a United Nations report said that there was “clear and convincing information” that some hostages had suffered sexual violence and there were “reasonable grounds” to believe sexual violence occurred during the raid, while acknowledging the “challenges and limitations” of examining the issue.

Later in the interview, she talks about torture:

After several minutes, they used duct tape to cover her mouth and nose, tied her feet, and placed the handcuffs on the base of her palms, she said. Then she was suspended, hanging “like a chicken” from a stick stretching between two couches, causing her such pain that she felt that her hands would soon be dislocated. They carried on beating and kicking her, focusing on the soles of her feet, while simultaneously demanding information they believed she was hiding from them, Ms. Soussana said. She still doesn’t understand what exactly they wanted or why they thought she was concealing something, she said. At one point, the head guard brought over a spike, and made as if to poke her eye with it, pulling away just in time, she said. “It was like that for 45 minutes or so,” she said. “They were hitting me and laughing and kicking me, and called the other hostages to see me,” she said.

Ninth: On April 24th, the BBC interviewed Moran Yanai, and wrote: "Moran says she lost 12% of her bodyweight, and her hair, during 54 days in Gaza, and that her body was covered with scars."

I'm sure none of that was from torture. It was just probably that uh... what does international humanitarian law say about hostages, besides that you cannot fucking take hostages and that taking hostages is a fucking war crime?

Let's move on.

Tenth: On April 26th, Sheryl Sandberg's one-hour documentary "Screams Before Silence" was released. It's free to watch on the YouTubes. I have heard it has more testimony. I have not watched it yet.

But!!

We don't have to fucking go to the hostages for examples!! There was nothing BUT torture and rape on Oct 7!!!

People were burned in fires so hot that their fucking BONES burned to ash. They had to bring in volunteer archaeologists to find all the bodies. They only found the body of the last missing person recently. Ten months after her brutal murder by Hamas, PFLP, and PIJ.

A Jordanian doctor who examined the forensic evidence wrote,

In Abu Kabir, I examined incinerated remnants of teeth and bones; charred remains of children; and physical cadavers of victims. I read CT scans of children and adults bound together and burned alive. I viewed images of a decapitated young girl, her child skull tethered to her trunk by only a sliver of decaying skin. Her facial expression, surrounding milk teeth, haunts me still. Across the boundaries of death, her Edward Munch-like scream still echoes. ...I inspected bodies that had been repeatedly stabbed, shot, and crushed. I examined mutilated bodies, restrained with cables, electrical cords, and zipties, still in place post-mortem, and those that had been decapitated and incinerated at temperatures approaching 3,000 degrees Celsius. Sergeant Major Natah Katz from the IDF Rabbinical Unit at the Shura base near Ramle described to me cadavers he received with breasts and genitals hacked off, one with a knife impaled directly into the vagina. The mutilation of sexual organs and breasts, "seemed to be an obsession," he recalled. Dr. Chen Kugel, head of Israel's National Forensic Center has confirmed to me the same. Indeed, Hamas arrived with orders to mass rape: Phrasebooks belonging to Hamas found in the Re'im area listed phonetic Hebrew commands in Arabic "Take your clothes off!"; " Spread your legs!'; "Get down!" Terabytes of their own video data confirm Hamas raped, amputated breasts, mutilated women's genitals, and committed systematic sexual crimes on both the living and the dead. Necrophilia has been explicitly reported.

At the January 23 Knesset hearing, Zaka representative Haim Langertal stated:

"I saw women who were stripped of their clothes, we saw women who were shot in their private parts, it happened at a party and later in kibbutzim. One was tied up, one had her arms cut off. We found at least 20 burned bodies and found flammable material next to them to burn them while they were still alive. In the houses in the kibbutzim we saw women and men with stripped clothes and mutilated organs. They moved them from room to room and took off their clothes and slaughtered them."

On July 24, Channel 12 news in Israel interviewed a man who had been gang-raped by Hamas.

“They pin you to the ground, you try to resist, they take off your clothes, laugh at you, humiliate you, spit at you. They touched [private] parts, they rape you. "There is a circle, [people] laugh, and you don’t know what to do in the moment, whether you should resist or let it pass, how to deal with the situation. There was a very difficult rape. At some point more people arrived and called for them and so they had to stop. "It’s a very tough moment. Weakness in the entire body. As if your blood is cheap. They were wildly intoxicated, celebrating, laughing with their pistols, with their knives. You disassociate yourself from the situation, but on the other hand experience it very strongly. Very difficult." Asked how he has been coping with the experience, Dalet replied, "It wasn’t simple in the beginning. I was very closed off." He also reported an obsessive fixation on cleanliness in the aftermath of the attack. "A lot, a lot of showers, to get all that energy off me, everything that happened." ...Aware that some are casting doubt on testimony of sexual violence on October 7, Dalet has presented various sources with medical opinions that testify to the harm done to him, as well as sitting for a polygraph test.

Four more survivors of sexual assault by Hamas came forward soon after that, although their stories are not public yet.

The first account of rape by Hamas was from PBS on like October 11th. There were more on the 13th. There have been more, and more, and fucking more.

One of my closest friends, who is vehemently anti-Zionist but also loathes what Hamas did, "hadn't seen anything in the news" about sexual assault by Hamas.

I gave her links. She ignored them and talked about something else.

By December, I had seen more than a dozen examples. I saw a TikTok excerpt of a podcast in which someone who "wasn't saying there might not have been SOME individual rapes on Oct 7," even though she "hadn't heard of any," then flatly denied that there had been a pattern of rape. And said it was a racist and genocidal accusation. Even though she hadn't even bothered to so much as Google whether there had been ONE rape that day.

I made a response in which I listed a bunch of examples of sexual abuse by Hamas. I never posted it, because the wall of rape denial out there was so intense.

On December 5, 2023, the BBC shared this horrifying overview:

Multiple photographs from the sites after the attack show the bodies of women naked from the waist down, or with their underwear ripped to one side, legs splayed, with signs of trauma to their genitals and legs. "It really feels like Hamas learned how to weaponise women's bodies from ISIS [the Islamic State group] in Iraq, from cases in Bosnia," said Dr Cochav Elkayam-Levy, a legal expert at the Davis Institute of International Relations at Hebrew University. "It brings me chills just to know the details that they knew about what to do to women: cut their organs, mutilate their genitals, rape. It's horrifying to know this." "I spoke with at least three girls who are now hospitalised for a very hard psychiatric situation because of the rapes they watched," Minister May Golan told me. "They pretended to be dead and they watched it, and heard everything. And they can't deal with it." Israel's police chief Yaacov Shabtai said that many survivors of the attacks were finding it difficult to talk and that he thought some of them would never testify about what they saw or experienced. "Eighteen young men and women have been hospitalised in mental health hospitals because they could no longer function," he said. Others are reportedly suicidal. One of those working with the teams around survivors told the BBC that some had already killed themselves.

The world would lose their minds if any one of the Israeli hostages showed signs of sexual abuse or torture.

Palestinian men have been subjected to rape and sodomy by a broomstick, which has been proudly justified by an Israeli lawmaker and Zionists are defending that.

Absolutely abhorrent.