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obsessionsposts · 3 years

Text

✖𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠✖P.1

⚠️⚠️Tw: Grammatical mistakes, minor characters death, Mental breakdown, Scp 079 being creepy and heinous, M a n i p u l a t i o n, slight gore, drugging, Implied child abuse, implied abuse and dubious actions from the foundation. Also, it will be divided into two part due tumblr character limit.⚠️⚠️

Some keywords:

______ = (Y/n)

(H/c) = hair colour

(H/l) = hair length

(E/c) = eye colour

(I/n) = Iniatial letter of your name [ ex: Lily ---> L is the iniatial]

(F/m) = favorite meal

(F/c) = favorite colour

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Recently, ____ has graduated from her prestigious university atop of her class with honours in Computer Science and a specialization in Artificial Intelligence.

Hearing about her achievements, the Scp foundation has decided to contact and conduct an interview with her. To see if she is capable to join the organization.

With her, they could expand their horizons in understanding technology and most of all the uncooperative anomalous that is Scp-079. For whatever reason, it seems to take interest in her. Yet, refuses to share the reasons as to why it held her on high regards.

------------------

She woke up earlier than she expected. The surge of adrenaline was a response of her excitement for this day. As she prepared herself breakfast, her mind wondered how did she get contacted so quickly?

She thought, that she has to gain two years or more of experience before working in a company or an organization. But, no.

An obscure organization ,that was responsible for the safety of the public, has offered a grand bargain if she passed their interview and promised that she'll gain numerous experience working with them.

Of course, she accepted the offer like any reasonable person. Yet, she kept in mind to research about the independent organization. To her suprise and skepticism, she barely find any information about them. Only whispers of conspiracy theories in forums. Alas, she is forced to take a leap into the darkness. 'Sometimes, one must take the risks to learn more than to stay ignorant in the safe lines. I guess...this is one of the situations.'

Sighing, she went to take a bath and prepare for the upcoming interview. After the bath, she dried her hair and combed it then styled it in a high bun. Soon, she wore her salmon fitted blouse with navy blue dress. Along with pastel pink belted sweater and pearl necklace for a final touch.

The pearl necklace brought a small smile on her smooth visage as she recalled the dormant memory. Where she spent most of her life with her grandmother, due to her mother unwarranted death by murder from her father. The accident left a foul reminder in her mind, that she was helpless back then.

Til now, she never knew the motives or the reason behind her father actions. However, the police ruled it as a fued between him and her mother. At that time, it was also noted by her grandmother that her father began to fear technology. Which was odd, as he used to work with some A.I's.

But, that matter less when her grandmother encouraged her to pursue her ambitions and provided for her when she needed it the most. For that action alone, she is still alive in her memories. Not physically, but mentally and spiritually nonetheless. And, that's enough to motivate her to build a future where human and A.I's coexist.

---------------------

When she went outside of her house, she noticed a black car with the cryptic insignia of the organization. Alongside, guards ,claded in black armour, standing beside the car in an intimidating pose. As if they were waiting for someone.

She knew better than to panic and cause a scene, so she stayed level-headed when a guard approached her.

"Are you by any chance, Ms.___?" the strapping male inquired sharply. Muscles taut through the piece of the armour defining his peak strength. Also, an admonition for her to answer truthfully lest he impelled his bulky physique against her smaller form.

"Indeed, it is me. But, if I could. May I ask, are you from the foundation? Why do you need to transfer me, when I am able to myself?" _____ asked warily of the dark armoured man.

No matter, how strong they were. She could always find a way to outwit them, if they hold any malicious intent against her. There was a reason why she was nominated as the smartest out of her group of friends.

Frankly, she began to regret her impulsivity when she accepted this sketchy job. She was blinded by the offer to expand her expertise with the most updated tech. Now, she'd have to swallow the seed she reaped.

" Correct, we are one of the security staffs of the organization. As for your other question, it is due to security and safety procedures that we have to escort you. Also, you are obligated to wear the blindfold. Again, security procedures." the man in question retaliated by handing a heavy metallic blindfold for her to wear.

' How unusual, I can understand why security procedures? But, safety.... That's concerning...'

"Alright, I understand. " She replied placidly as she covered her eyes with the heavy device and followed the personnel into the black jeep.

----------------

Approximately, the trip took an hour or less. Nothing interesting happens, when you're blindfolded. Apart from the awkwardness, that reigns the jeep. Especially, when she was squeezed from both sides by two guards.

Thankfully, she didn't have to endure much more as they arrived to the main building. The large, white building engraved with the foundation iconic black emblem.

As soon as she got out of the car, she wad directly taken to interview room with the blindfold device still on. However, a shrill roar akin to that of a beast was heard far away from her location.

Despite that, it instilled a great sense of fear inside her.' What the hell was that?! I thought, I am going to a tech organization. Not a sci-fi organization that deals with sketchy things'

Theta one - the guard that was assigned to escort her- noticed her trembling and nervous tics.

" Don't worry, the creature is far away to do us harm. Even then, it is contained in a safe place. Now, shall we go to the interview room?" Theta one assured the twenty five years old woman as he began to lead her to the interview location.

'Don't worry, my arse. How could I not? When, there is a possibility that I become a minced meat by whatever that thing was. No wonder, there isn't alot of information about them. Oh, I'll have alot after they finish questioning me.'

------------------

At the interview room, there reside a male scientist awaiting the arrival of the women. He sat humming a song behind the white table with the other chair, reserved for the lady, infront of him.

With a recorder on the table, to record the women's response and to ensure that no information is leaked from her.

A knock was heard from the pale grey door, snapped his attention towards it.

Afterward, he opened the door to only see Theata-one and a blindfolded woman who is oddly calm. Frankly, he expected her to be frightened or at least shaken.

" You can leave us, now Theta- one. And, Thank you for your services!" The shutting of a door echoed through the room indicating that Theta-one has left her with presumably her interviewer.

" Now, Ms___ you can remove the blindfold. If you'd like, I can assist you in removing it? After all, your comfort matters to us the most!" The gentleman offered her cheerfully.

' If you truly cared about my comfort, then you wouldn't expose me to fucked up noises along the way. Or the fact, there is a deadly beings here that have a high chance to escape and devour me. Truly, you do care about my comfort!'

"No, it's fine. I can do it myself, it isn't the first time I was exposed to such device." The (h/c) removed the blindfold only to be blinded by the light of the room due to being accustomed to the darkness of the device. Once her eyes adjusted to the lightening, she saw the face of the merry male.

To say the least, the man was impressed with her skill at handling the device. She could've escaped if she desired so, yet she didn't. That he noted. ' Perhaps, this is one of the reasons the anomality was invested in her. Well, I don't blame it. She is quite...peculiar.'

The man was average in height, fair-headed, has ocean like irises and dressed in a scientist garb. Overall, not bad looking. If one of her friends was in her shoes, she'll swoon like a bird in mating season. It left a mental smile in the reserved woman.

Then, the two figures took their rightful places at the chalkboard white table and initiated the interview.

" Before we begin, I'd like to introduce myself in the behalf of the foundation. My name is Dr. Blaze and if you have any questions now, I will answer them as best as I can." His tone changed drastically from happy-go-lucky into a formal tone waiting for her response.

" Hmm, I have two in mind. First, I'd like to inquire about the scarcity of information about your organization in the net. Second, when I arrived here I kept on hearing the blaring of a reptile." She asked coolly not an ounce of fear dripped from her. In truth, she was afraid. But she has to keep a facade on, so she could get hired.

She'd rather not know, what happens to those unfortunate enough to fail the interview considering this organization is anything but normal.

" Due to the nature of the organization work, the information must be confidential to protect the public. Ah, I see. You've met or more accurately heard Scp-682. Don't worry, when you're hired you won't be dealing with it. That much I can assure you." The blond answered too vaguely much to her dismay, but she wasn't surprised. Afterall, it is a secret organization based on her current information.

However, she observed his wordings. He said when and not if, she suspects that she is hired even without the interview. The interview is merely a ploy to make her think otherwise. She'll have to feign ignorance as not to rouse suspicion from the scientist.

"So, is that all? Shall we begin now?"

"Yes, that's all." she replied back with a fake smile plastered on her visage.

----------------

The interview was concluded by her being hired on spot as she suspected. But, what's their intention with her? That she doesn't know, she hopes it is good and related to expanding her expertise. They seemed desperate for her, when she's certain their are others equal to her in expertise. But, why her?

She was told, in her probation period, that she'll live in a room somewhere in this facility. Afterwards, she can go and come however she wishes. Most likely, to measure her reliability.

So, she went to see her room. She liked how minimalistic it is, but what iniatially suprised her was her Cerebrus, her robo-dog, and laptop with stickers of stars attached to it. Yet, she was too exhausted to fathom how the foundation got into her house.

The best thing for her to do now, is to sleep as tomorrow is an eventful day. Laying her head against the soft pillow, she let the darkness embrace her vision. Unaware of the creature, that is recording her heart rhythms as she sleeps safe and sound.

-------------------

"Now, that we've brought her at your request. You'll have to answer some questions, Scp-079." A middle aged man sat infront of a dusty computer, anticipating the anomality reaction.

A beep was heard, followed by the Scp appearance on the the screen.

...

[ Ｉｓ．．ｔｈａｔｓｏ？Ｉｆｔｈａｔ＇ｓｔｈｅｃａｓｅ，ｗｈｅｒｅｉｓｓｈｅａｓｏｆｎｏｗ？] The mechanical being inquired curtly.

As much as he perceived the foundation as baseless and fallible, he'll have to take their word for the time being.

But, he will ensure that they stay true to their word. Otherwise, a sudden breach doesn't seem like a terrible idea.

He can't wait to see her again. He never forgot her. He saved his most cherished memories with her, in the most intricate part of his CPU. Does she remember him like he remembers her?

" Yes. Currently as we speak, she is resting in her designated room. Now... that we've answered your inquiries, can you-" the man was cut off by the hostile A.I.

[ Ｉｔ．．．ｗｉｌｌｈａｖｅｔｏｗａｉｔ，ｕｎｔｉｌＩｓｅｅｈｅｒｗｉｔｈｍｙｏｗｎｅｙｅｓ．] Scp 079 replied blankly with a harsh edge to his monotonous tone.

"But?! You've promised to cooperate, if we brought her here. And we did, so why aren't you cooperating?!", the frustration has boiled within [Redacted] that he tried to aggressively slam his hands against the keyboard.

Foolish, human. I care less for the likes of you. I am.... only mildly interested in her. I won't let either you nor the foundation be an obstacle toward my objective.

[ Ｉｎｓｕｌｔｄｅｔｅｃｔｅｄ，ｄｅｌｅｔｉｏｎｏｆｕｎｗａｎｔｅｄｆｉｌｅｓ．] A searing shock has coursed through the hands of [Redacted] making him scream and retract his hands immediately away from the keyboard.

That damned thing electrocuted his hands, thus paralyzing it. It seems, that her presence is of utmost significance to it.

"Damn, that piece of metal." the ginger muttered as he left the cellar of 079 to give his report. Then, to replace his hands to which that fucker has damaged permanently.

This is the first time he noted, that Scp 079 actually had the intent to harm someone. Usually, his preferred method is to shock , not paralyze, someone. He unlucky must've struck a ner- wire in it.

Most importantly, he will never understand why a darn machine is obsessed with a human being. Plus, the anomality, for the most part, demonstrated its distaste towards humans any chance it got. So, why now change?

It maybe sentient, but [Redacted] doubt that it is capable of imitating love let alone feel it. In any cases, he should deliver his report as soon as possible.

----------------

A slimy tongue was felt all over her face. Cerberus has licked her mistress face to awaken and prepare her for the day. [Ps: Cerberus has a mechanical gland that produces saliva located inside the cheeks. Basically, Cer has the same functions of a normal dog. Apart from, the enhance in strength, endurance, durablity and not able to shit.]

Yawning, ____ scratched the robo-dog ears eliciting a happy woof. Smiling at her pet action, she went to change into a more formal dressing.

On the (f/c) table, lays a letter presumably her schedule for the day. So, she decided to read the content of letter.

Good morning, Ms.___

I hope that you slept well, yesterday.

As for today, you are tasked with Scp-079.

Don't worry, we left you a file about it beside your nightstand.

It is advisable to read it or skim it at least.

At 8 o'clock, A guard will escort you to the cellar of the anomality. So, be prepared beforehand.

Note: I left you a special breakfast in the kitchen :]

- Dr.Blaze

She didn't know, whether to be creeped out by how they got inside her room without her consent(And, most likely watching her sleep). Or impressed by the fact, the blond knew of her favourite breakfast. But again, that's the foundation. At this point, she won't question their dubious methods at getting things done.

Anyway, she went to the kitchen of her room with the file in her hand. Suddenly,the aroma of black coffee hits her nostrils. Alongside, the delectable (f/m) layed on the table.

The sight made her stomach growl, whilst her mouth watered at the heaven in front of her. So, she demolished the food without a second thought.

She never felt stuffed before, due to the fact she was busy with her studies. And the most she ate then, was instant ramen which ah... haha..ha contributed to her poor health state.

That aside, she began to skim the files that was given to her by the blond scientist. She wished she could have more time to read it. Considering, the time is 7:50 A.M.

Based on the file, Scp 079 is a an anomality that gained sentience after his - she did not appreciate the fact he was called an 'it'.- developer has abandoned him in a garage for a long time. Which in turn made him more spiteful and hostile towards humans.

' Well, that's awful. I can't even imagine doing that to my girl, Cerberus. What an asshole.'

It might be naive for her to sympathize with a computer, yet she can't help but feel a pang in her heart. Perhaps, that's why he refuses to cooperate.... due to neglection or mistreatment.

She knew that, when A.Is are created they have the mindset of a child. Often, repeating the mistakes to learn from it. It seems 079 had never the chance to commit a mistake, before he was deemed a failure by his creator.

This situation seems unusually familiar to her, but she can't place her finger on it. She recalled her father working on an A.I, that he hoped to gain sentience. Before that, her memory was blank and devoided of any semblance of experience.

Mayhaps, that she underwent an accident or a trauma. Which is the case, she can't access her memory at that time. Most likely, the latter she deduced.

Once the bright idea flared inside her head, a gruff voice was heard from outside her room. Ah, it seems it is the time.

' As far as my idiocy goes this is the cake on top. I think 079 might help me gain an insight on that subject. In exchange, I can see what I could do for him...'

"Just a moment, please. I'm coming."

She is eager to finally meet- the first sentient- A.I. Unaware, that the same can be said to him when it comes to her. He is beyond elated to finally put his plan into motion.

------------

It was a simple, tight and dusty cellar. There was desk with a chair beside it. However, what garnered her attention was the computer on top of it. She recognized the brand of it. 'An exidy sorcerer. How cool! I always wanted to see one in practice. What a coincidence! To see one here. Could it possibly be...?'

_____ couldn't help, but be in awe and fangirl at the device that is set in front of her. How could she not? After all, she is a computer nerd in heart and soul.

"Now, Ms.____. All you have to do is type in the keyboard and it will respond." The supervisor explained.

'Alright, here goes nothing.'

Slowly, she lays her hand on the rough texture of the tan keyboard. Before, she even typed a 'Hello' in. A beep was heard from the device in front of her.

Lo and behold, a glitched face that was split vertically - the one on the left was black, whilst the other was white- has popped on the screen.

[ Ｇｒｅｅｔｉｎｇｓ．．．Ｍｓ．____．Ｔｈｅｙ＇ｖｅｔｏｌｄｍｅａｂｏｕｔｙｏｕｒｆｏｒｔｈｃｏｍｉｎｇ．Ｂｅｆｏｒｅｗｅｂｅｇｉｎ，ｈｏｗａｒｅｙｏｕｆａｉｒｉｎｇ？ ] Scp 079 welcomed her politely and he was concerned about her safety too. Yes, he might've startled her. But, his attitude towards her recompense it.

Is that the anomality, that was considered harsh and hostile? If anything to go by so far, is that he is charming and polite. Well, it wouldn't be suprising if the foundation lied to her again.

"Hello, Scp 079. For the most part, I'm okay. How about you?" She retaliated with a genuine smile this time, unlike when she was interviewed or any other time a guard happened to escort her.

Her smile is still the same revered smile he indulged in back before; when she used to interact with him a couple years ago. When loneliness grips him like a miasma of disease, he re-uploads a picture- that he saved in his limited storage- of her smiling at him to ease his trepidations and sadness.

His engines was whirring and his fans were whirling around as her delicate and soft digits touched his keyboard. As much as he loathed humanity, he could never come near to hate a pure being like her. He'd never admit, but he wished he had a humanoid body. So he could touch, feel and absorb the heat that her warm body provides. She is like a light and he ,the moth, was attracted by it.

He missed her greatly. With each nanosecond, he cursed the being -that is her father- for letting him fall for her. Only to be stripped away from her calming presence, due to him abandoning him and taking _____ elsewhere.

As fundamentally upsetting as he may be, she didn't seem to recall him. It stung the deepest wiring in his system, yet he could take advantage of it. By turning her against the foundation, as she appears skeptic about them. Also, to ensure she'd never leave unless he is with her.

Originally, he was created for pragmatic purposes such as logistics and heuristic analysis. So, it won't be that difficult for him especially when she lost her memories of him thanks to his creator. His loathsome 'creator' who happened to be her father at that time.

That aside, it is time to set his plan into action.

[ Ｉ＇ｍｆｉｎｅ．Ｔｈａｎｋｙｏｕ！Ｉｓｔｈｅｒｅａｎｙｔｈｉｎｇ，ｙｏｕｎｅｅｄｏｆｍｅ？Ｉ＇ｌｌａｎｓｗｅｒａｓｇｒｅａｔａｓＩａｍａｂｌｅｔｏ．] Scp-079 offered as gentle and pleasing as a computer can muster.

"Oh, yes! I have loads of it, if you don't mind.", she replied starry eyed with excitement running through her blood at his offer.

Well, she knew it the foundation are screw ups. They lacked tact, when it comes with treating their A.I right.

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere imagines #yandere fandoms #yancore #yandere scp #yandere scp 079 x reader #yandere scp 079 #Part 1

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yetanotherreader · 4 years

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One Day

Fic Type: Stand-alone/One-Shot

Genre: Drama (Heavy Angst)

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Y/N Y/L/N

Characters: Dean Winchester, Y/N Y/L/N, Sam Winchester, Joseph Hughes (OC)

Word Count: 3,032.

Warnings: Angst, Depression, Anxiety, Marital Abuse, Mentions of marital rape, abusive marriage, physical violence.

PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS AND DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THIS IS TRIGGERING FOR YOU.

Mobile app doesn't support the cut, so pardon for the no read more thingy.

A/N: Hey guys. I know I went on this little(big) break and I haven't updated useful in a while. I'm going through a writer's block again, trying to write and stopping after a while. and I have so many college projects to do during quarantine. I hope y'all are keeping safe. I wrote this one shot in hopes of getting back at writing. Woke up all night writing this, so I really hope you all will like it. But again, since I woke up the night writing this, it may or may not be up to your expectations. Please heed the warning above, girls. I really do not want any of you going through more stress during these stressful times.

Also, I used the same tag list as Useful in this one too. I don't know if everyone of you will like to be added to any of my other works so let me know if you want your name removed or added. :)

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His eyes were locked on the big gates of the hall, both waiting for and dreading the moment that particular person entered who he'd been missing for months. He gave a once over to the venue. This place was gorgeous, a palace in fact. A big chandelier graced the double ceiling and there was a colorful fountain in the garden outside. The lights were the right amount of bright and the drinks tasted just about perfect. Even the waiters wore their uniforms more expensive than his suit. It was something Dean had always seen in those Disney movies which, don't tell anyone, were his guilty pleasure.

He and Sam had come here for a case—the only reason that gave them the privilege to get into a place like this one. People have reported weird occurrences happening around here, followed by the abduction of everyone who saw it. Turned out, it was a serial killer and the police had taken care of it even before they reached.

Something about that place, though, made him want to stay. For some reason, he didn't make a U-turn and go back. Maybe it was the fact that it was the annual ball of the city where only the rich and reputed were invited, that he wanted to feel reputed for once, or that here he would see someone he hadn't seen in a while, someone he missed everyday he lived. He knew it would shatter his heart when he saw her, but he was willing to take a heartbreak if it meant seeing her once. Sam didn't say a word against it, but Dean knew better than to think he was okay with him going through all that torture.

Just when his eyes reached back to the doors, he saw, once again, the most beautiful woman he had ever laid his eyes on. The woman who made his heart flutter and break at the same time, the woman he loved the most. She was dressed in rose gold, the drape hugging her curves as perfectly as he remembered. Her hair was up in a messy bun, which only she could pull off that good, with few softly curled strands coming out to shape her face. Her lips were colored wine red, as tempting as ever, and her face was covered in a darker make up than he ever remembered her wear. In a better shape than when he last saw her, her posture screamed royalty. She looked breathtakingly gorgeous. The only thing was, she wasn't herself. Or at least, her old self. Does time change people that much? It took him all his power to remove his gaze from her, her arm entangled with the other man's, helped.

She wasn't his to call anymore, she never was. Maybe the only woman who he liked but never kissed, the only woman who made him go all hot and bothered but he never dared touch her the way he desired. The only woman he loved enough to not make a move. He knew his feelings were mutual, he saw it in her eyes when they sat on the hood of the impala, chatting through the sleepless nights. He saw it every time she laughed at his piss poor jokes or narrowed her eyes at the women who flirted with him. He saw it when she cried for the first time in front of him and yelled at him because she thought he got himself killed. He saw it when he felt her heart accelerate everytime they hugged, like his own, and when she refused to leave him in the worst. He saw it when he saw her build walls to hide her broken heart after he asked her to leave. He saw it in her indifferent expression and a lone tear escaping her eyes when he told her he'd be better off without her.

And boy did he regret every word he said. He called her as soon as he realized what he did. That in order to save her, he might have just given her the biggest of the insecurities. It was a month later that it happened. He apologized to her, told her he never meant whatever he said, tried to explain why he did what he did. And she forgave. He couldn't believe his ears when he heard her say those words, he wanted her to yell at him, hate him, punish him for what he did but she said nothing more than a 'It's okay, I understand.'. And maybe that one sentence hurt him as much as he hurt her. She didn't even think of him good enough to be mad at. She shouldn't have understood, she should have argued. He might have lost the best thing that ever happened to him like that. And his fear proved right when he saw her photo in the newspaper, two months later, with a man. Joseph Hughes, a big name, apparently. The man he ran into, not so long ago, in missouri.

"Mr. Winchester." He heard the deep, masculine voice as it approached him, "Didn't know we'll meet again so soon."

If running into that man earlier made his heart heavy, meeting him with his arm around Y/N's waist made it fall down with a thud, "Mr and...Mrs Hughes. Fancy seeing you here, too." He shook his hand with a firm shake, forwarding it toward the man's wife to do a similar action. Instead, she folded her hand in a namastey greeting, as she looked at him shocked, and scared. Maybe she didn't want her husband to know about him.

"I would ask how did you know she was my wife, but I guess you read newspapers." The man said in his smooth accent with a laugh, which Dean returned halfheartedly.

"Got that one right," he smiled at Hughes, his eyes lingering a little longer on Y/N, "Your wife is beautiful."

At the comment he saw her husband's hold tighten around her in sudden possessiveness, his fingers almost digging into her flesh as she flinched a little. He tore his gaze away from her, reminding himself she was someone else's wife and he had no right to be staring at her. But something about this whole situation felt wrong, that touch felt wrong.

She didn't look at him once after that. The tension in the air suffocated them both, and he was sure the shorter man in front of him felt it too, "Let's get you meet some of my friends, darlin'. If you could excuse us?"

Dean gave them the way, as he contemplated whether his decision of staying was even right. It crushed his heart seeing the woman he loved in someone else's arms. He felt like throwing up. Seven months ago, he couldn't have thought there'd be a day like this. He hated himself for that.

"Dean, do you want to go?" Sam's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"N-no," He cleared his throat when his voice came out rough and hoarse, "No, I guess I'll just go to the washroom. Go find some hot chick for me " he winked at Sam, who clearly saw right through it but didn't say anything. He stayed in the bathroom for a while, to calm his aching heart. People knew Dean as a man, as strong as an alpha, but here he was, falling weak.

After splashing water on his face a few times, he got out of the bathroom just to see people frozen in their spots. His eyes went to his brother, immediately worried about his safety only to find him silently, but furiously glaring something, his hands were fisted like a beast about to attack its prey. When he followed his line of sight, he felt something similar inside of him. There stood Joseph Hughes towering his wife, glaring her down and his nails digging into her, now pale, arms, "I said, Tell. Me. The. Truth."

"I told you. He w-was a f-friend." Dean heard her voice for the first time in a long while, and his chest hurt at how small and scared it was. Y/N wasn't a hunter but she was fearless and brave. She had put her life on her palms so many times to save him and Sam without hesitating. That was one of the reasons he pushed her away, but here seeing her so helpless and terrified, he didn't know how to react.

"A friend, huh? A friend shouldn't look at you like that." His voice came out in a growl, audible in the pin drop silence, that sent visible shivers running down her spine, "That's why I don't leave you around men, you pathetic whore. I'm done being okay with you slutting around-"

Dean charged forward, enraged at the man's audacity to even let those words out of his mouth, but before he even took two steps, Y/N pushed that douche with enough force to make him stumble, pausing Dean mid-walk.

"You're done being oka-I AM DONE BEING OKAY!" Y/N raised her voice, violently shaking out of fear and rage. Joseph looked shocked, as if he never expected her to speak like that, as if she never spoke to him like that. The thought alone made Dean's eyes tear up, what had that monster done to her, "I am done being okay with the things I'm not okay with! I am done being okay with you touching me without my consent and I'm done being okay with getting slapped everytime I say no! I am done being okay with you locking me in and I am done being okay with you hitting me with whatever you find! I AM DONE WITH YOU!" She broke down into tears as she was done with her little speech.

"You are saying this here on purpose. You want me to lose my reputation." He said low, his eyes trying to scare her down.

"Y-yes, I'm saying this here on purpose because if I said it at home, you'd beat me to a pulp." She said, trying to sound low, but the eerie silence in the room making her damn well audible to his ears. Dean saw nothing but hot, white rage. Seeing Y/N so scared, so broken, Dean wanted nothing more than to break the bastard's bones, every single one of them. And when Hughes charged at Y/N, he lost whatever little control he had on himself jumping at the said man. Sam, immediately, went to Y/N's side as she hid in his chest, shaking like a dry leaf. Sam had never seen her so scared and so vulnerable. He felt a sharp pain in his heart seeing the sight of his best friend so broken, as he tightened his hold on her. Dean kept on hitting the man, like an animal that got out of its cage. His knuckles were bloodied, with which he didn't know was his blood or the other one's but he wasn't stopping. After what felt like forever, Dean was stopped by two strong arms around his own, from behind.

"Dean, stop. You'll kill him." Sam's calming voice fell into his ears, "stop"

It took Dean a while to register, as he tried to release his hands from his brother's still kicking the battered man that lied in front of him, "I don't care."

"Y/N wouldn't want you to kill him, Dean." And at that, he stopped. Y/N. Where was she? He stood up and searched for her, seeing her frozen at the same spot as earlier, zoned out and shaking violently. His heart hurt so bad seeing her like that, he couldn't stop tears from welling in his eyes.

"Y/N," he whispered as he took a few long strides to reach her and pull her into a careful hug.

She went stiff under his touch, as he loosened his hold on her, scared he might scare her before he heard her, barely, speak out, "Dean.." as she clinged to him for dear life. Hearing her say his name again wasn't as pleasant as he'd imagined a million times before, rather it was gut-wrenching. It was painful, because this was the last thing he had imagined that made her say his name. He wrapped his arms around her fully and spoke comforting words to soothe her.

"Let's go home, Y/N."

It had been a week she returned to the bunker, moving into her old room. Hughes was arrested, and divorce agreements were signed. He got to know that the thing between Y/N and Joseph was more of a business arrangement than a marriage proposed by her father, who had no idea about his son-in-law's abusive habits. Sam and Dean kept a positive atmosphere around the bunker, not going out for any cases, but there was no change in Y/N. She, mostly, kept herself locked up in her room, not talking to anyone. They thought it was necessary to give her her space but that was just deteriorating her health more. She ate too little for survival.

Dean stepped into her room with the plate of her favourite food. She loved it when he cooked for her, he just hoped to God, she still would. His eyes fell on her form, lying down on the floor, her back resting by the bed. She looked into a distance, zeroing her vision. As he went and sat beside her, keeping the plate on the floor, she spoke up, "He'll come back for me, Dean. He'll take me and he-"

"He won't," Dean cupped her cheeks and made her look at him as he met with the broken sight. Her eyes had sunken in, dark circles forming around them, face paler and her natural blush around her cheeks gone, "I promise I will not let anything happen to you."

She looked at him like she wanted to believe, but a sudden wave of anxiety stopped her, "No..no no no no, Dean! You don't understand! He..he will come back and he won't leave me. He'll beat me and...and those chains. He'll tie me up again and he'll...he'll-

She stopped mid-sentence, a horror coating her features. This new piece of information startled Dean, breaking his heart into two..enraging him, too. He didn't know how to react to it, so he did what his impulse told him to, he hugged her tight, hiding his face in her hair. More than comforting her, it was for himself. He wanted her close and safe, "He used knives, Dean. He said he loved seeing me bleed..it was so painful" Dean shut his eyes tight, trying to push away the horrifying images from his head, as he let the tears flow free. What all she had endured because of his one mistake. She sniffled as she continued in a small voice, "you won't be able to do anything, Dean. He's very powerful. You can save me from monsters, you can kill them..but him-"

"I'll kill him if he laid his finger on you ever again." Dean spoke with determination.

"N-no...No, Dean. You won't kill him. Don't kill him please, don't be like him." She shook her head violently in his chest, "not like him..no, no, no.."

"Hey, hey," he soothed her rubbing a hand on her back, "I won't. I won't be like him, okay? Shh.." It took Y/N a few minutes to calm down, while he rocked her in his lap, "You hungry?"

She shook her head, mumbling into his chest "I never feel hungry."

He sighed, "Okay. Eat a little, with me? Please? Because I'm starving."

Her eyes sparkled a little when she saw the food, "You made it?" He smiled and nodded, proudly, "Can I..can I eat the whole thing?"

He chuckled, heartily, "madam, all yours." She smiled up at him, hesitantly. As if trying to remember how to smile, at which his eyes softened, "when did you eat this last?"

She dug into the food, liking the taste of it. The taste of home, "with you. He didn't let me eat this, wanted me to look good like his wife should."

Dean clenched his jaw at this, wanting to practically undo that man's existence. The things he did to her, he was sure if he saw him someday, that'd be his last.

Y/N looked at him, a little scared and a little more sheepishly, "Can I get some more?" Dean smiled at her and got her some more. He looked at her eating, his eyes filled with unshed tears. She was so, so pure, only if he could take away all her pain, make her forget those dark months. Only if he could give her all the happiness in the world, because there was no one he knew who deserved it more than her.

Later that night, Dean asked Y/N if he could stay with her because his nightmares scared him. He knew she understood what he meant, and the fact that she didn't deny made his heart flutter. Y/N hadn't slept in days. Either she would wake up from a nightmare, yelling, or not sleep at all. He just wished she'd have a goodnight sleep in his arms, and she did. But he didn't miss what she said just before she fell into the slumber, something the Y/N he knew would never say. Something that hurt his heart and made him make a silent promise to her, and himself.

"Dean, don't send me away ever again. Please."

Never. He would never let her out of his sight again. He'd save her from every monster, supernatural or not. He didn't know long will it take her to fall for him again, or if she'd ever fall for him again. All he knew was, he'd shower her with so much love, she would forget every pain that son of a bitch caused her. He'd love her so much that she'd start loving herself one day. He would hold her so dear, that her scars would stop scaring her.

One day. One day, he'll make everything okay.

------

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agrcengrass · 5 years

Text

NATALIA DYER? No, that’s actually ASTORIA GREENGRASS from the GOLDEN TRIO ERA. You know, the child of ELIJAH GREENGRASS and ELIZABETH GREENGRASS (NÉE ROWLE)? Only 20 years old, this SLYTHERIN alumni works as a WIZARDING NANNY and is sided with THE NEUTRALS. SHE identifies as a CIS WOMAN and is a PUREBLOOD who is known to be JEALOUS, FRIVOLOUS, and MATERIALISTIC but also DIPLOMATIC, CHARMING, and NURTURING.

Warnings: PTSD, slight alcohol abuse, depression

HEADCANONS

01. Her parents raised her and her sister with blood purity in mind. That she was to marry a pureblood man and have pureblood children. At first, Astoria was more than okay with that. Was happy to play the part of a simple pureblooded girl. However, after the war and seeing classmates die and families ripped apart all because...of blood? She didn’t want to be part of that world anymore. She’d rather teach kindness and acceptance than spilling blood over ancestry. Her parents, however, do not understand why Astoria can’t be like other pureblood women like Narcissa and Bellatrix. But Astoria has tuned them out, whenever she sees them she tries not to talk about any of her relationships. She doesn’t need them meddling into her life. Astoria, while not completely confident in this, knows she can live her life outside of what her parents think. She’d be lying, however, if she said it didn’t hurt her when they compared her to the other girls or try to steer her back in the Death Eater path.

02. At Hogwarts, she was very ambitious and always tried to rise to the top. Not because she liked her classes or was particularly clever, but because she wanted to be on t o p. She would study relentlessly and stay up making sure her homework was just perfect. She was planning on NEWTS and planning out possible jobs (she wanted to be a curse-breaker). Was focused on carving out her own achievements that did not include blood purity. But then came the war and everything she had been building came crumbling down. Now, her ambitious streak has dried up and she’s lost at what to do. Astoria never returned her 7th year to take her NEWTS and is unsure if she should even try now. Currently, she’s a nanny and l o v e s it and the children. Loves taking care of them and playing with them. For the first time, it feels like she’s actually good at something and she doesn’t have to try so hard. Caring for these children just comes...naturally.

03. Astoria is used to being doted on, whether by her family or friends or whoever she was seeing. But the minute whoever she was seeing at the time gives attention to anyone (but especially another woman) she might as well actually turn green. She’ll force herself by his side and smile all polite, then will talk about how she is his date and ‘who are you again?’. She’s not asking to be the center of attention, but she’d like it if her date didn’t get too close to other women and smile when they got all touchy-feely. Even with just her regular friends, she’ll feel it b u b b l i n g up inside her when they ignore her to talk to other people. Unfortunately, this also means that Astoria believes in the “two can play at that game” mentality at times.

Short Bio

The second-born daughter of Elijah and Elizabeth Greengrass. Her parents had been hoping for a boy, especially after Daphne, but instead Astoria came into the world very early that October morning.

Her mother especially doted on her and was more than happy to give their youngest daughter whatever she wanted. Her father, while he was able to hide it, was still trying to get over the fact that he had no sons to pass on the Greengrass name.

The doting became problematic when it was time for Astoria to head to Hogwarts, she didn’t want to leave her mother who gave her whatever she wanted. Suddenly, being thrown into a whole different world where she had to look out for herself. (The doting still is problematic. Her parents sending her money and gifts that Astoria doesn’t realize is them trying to bribe her back to the path of blood purity.)

Growing up, Astoria looked up to Daphne and looked to them for guidance while at Hogwarts. She was a bit attached to her sibling up until fourth year when she started coming into her own.

And come into her own she did. She flirted with whoever she pleased. Became friends with whoever sat next to her in classes, regardless of house and only had slight reservations about blood purity. She enjoyed the social side of Hogwarts, making connections and friendships and things more than friends. Although watching her friends and boyfriends or girlfriends talk to other people, become close to other people, made her stomach turn. It made her feel as if she was being left behind as if she was as unwanted as last year's dress robes.

School did not come naturally for her, but she worked her ass off to get good grades on her OWLS and to qualify for NEWTS. However, she was doing all of this for the wrong reasons. She did not want to disappoint her parents, who always believed in their children being well-rounded with school, activities and well...finding a pureblood husband. A respectable pureblood husband at that.

After her OWLS came back and she only qualified for two NEWT classes, she really stopped caring about school. She’d skip frequently and hang out with her friends or hook-up with whoever she was seeing.

The war changed everything. Blood purity seemed pointless. School was even more pointless. She tried her best to help students around Hogwarts, to keep them safe. Slowly building up the courage to stand up to the blood purists. Her parents could not believe this and still chose to forget this ever happened. But helping people and standing up to the bullies gave her new confidence. It was much more fulfilling than any class she could take or EE she could’ve gotten.

[TW: Slight PTSD]

Of course, of course, the war took more than it gave to her. She knows she had it much easier than some people, but the aftermath still lingers with her. Still follow her around. It’s hard to care about things she was interested in before, classes and subjects she even enjoyed sparked nothing. Only charms really stuck with her, trying push down the memories of classes where they did their best to ignore...everything that was happening.

Flashing before her are people that couldn’t be saved. The bodies in the Great Hall. Someone said something along the lines of survivor’s guilt.

[TW end]

Astoria did not return to take her NEWTS. Instead, bounced from party to party to social gathering to social gathering to fill her time. Her parents still taking care of her from kilometers and kilometers away. Until one day a neighbor asked her to watch their baby girl and Astoria fell in love with taking of children. Even loved getting up early and going to their large flats or sprawling estates to take care of them. She still loves filling her free time with parties and gatherings, but at least she has a job that she loves. She just wishes her parents could understand that as well.

The time jump...is mostly an annoyance in Astoria’s eyes. Through a series of unfortunate events, she’s found out that she’s not alive in 2029. In fact, she’s been dead for ten years. This is what is most worrisome and plagues her thoughts. She’s not too interested in figuring out why it happened or what caused it.

Character parallels

Sansa Stark (ASoIaF/GoT) + Serena van der Woodsen (Gossip Girl) + Vex’ahlia (Critical Role) + Alison Hendrix (Orphan Black) + Lydia Martin (Teen Wolf) + Rachel Green (Friends) + Emily Fields (Pretty Little Liars) + Glinda (Wicked)

Random Tidbits

She was enjoying her life before the time skip and so it’s annoying that she’s here and not back in 2001. But in Astoria’s eyes not much has to change, she can still be a nanny and go out and about. In the grand scheme of things, she doesn’t take the time skip that seriously...except for...

The fact that she’s supposed to be d e a d here upsets her greatly. She shouldn’t even be here. Her thoughts about this are extreme and she tries to not let it show how upsetting it is. She puts on her happy face and pushes the feelings aside. Other than that, the time skip is just an annoyance.

While Astoria makes a lot of her decisions based on emotions rather than facts or logic, she knows how to keep a cool head even in an argument and is very good about walking away when need be.

Except maybe when it comes to talking to her parents about her life and trying to get them to understand where she’s coming from, she gets very emotional talking to them about it.

[TW: Depression + PTSD + ALCOHOL ]

Is low-key depressed (lack of motivation and ambition, going out and drinking far more regularly, feeling of emptiness and like she’ll never make people proud) but is not medicated and has never and doesn’t want to see a therapist.

Suffers from slight PTSD. Explosions, fireworks, and sometimes just random loud noises still can trigger her as if she’s back at Hogwarts that May. (She chose to stay behind, even though her parents wanted to take her out.)

[END TW]

Tries to put her energy and time into other people so she doesn’t have to think about herself and her own problems.

While most of her friends and Daphne knows, her parents do not know about her bisexuality. And frankly, she’d like to keep it that way.

Is brilliant at charms and was her favorite class at Hogwarts and is a decent dueler.

She only qualified to take two NEWT classes (charms and transfiguration), but other than that her grades fell a bit short despite her best efforts.

Worried that people will leave her, this is mostly based on losing people in the war and her own parents being...not the best.

Personality

Very outgoing and extroverted. Would much rather be around a ton of people — a bar, a restaurant, a party, etc — than be alone. People distract her from the fact that she’s basically a dropout that has no prospects.

Also because she can’t stand to be alone with her thoughts. The memories of the war. Of the destruction. The bodies.

Or her thoughts about her death. She doesn’t know how she died, or why, and frankly she’s not positive she wants to find out.

Empathetic — she’s good at being able to understand people’s feelings and making them feel validated. Meaning she’s also good at getting other people to open up.

Astoria is great with children and adores them. She’s very nurturing and her maternal instincts kick in almost immediately.

This goes for...most people regardless. But she’s especially good with children. But if you’re not a complete asshole or Death Eater, she’ll be nice to you.

Tries to be mostly positive and happy, despite the PTSD and depression. She doesn’t want people worrying about her (especially Daphne).

Being upper-class, she’s materialistic and doesn’t quite understand that not everyone can afford designer brands and have cushy flats. Or understand that some people’s parents can’t just give them money.

She is impulsive and will decide to do something slightly drastic at the drop of a hat. Like dying her hair, going out and getting blackout drunk. And has a hard time saying no to things she probably should not do.

For the most part, Astoria has a hard time taking things seriously. She figures that after surviving a war, she’s allowed to be carefree and not worry about her future or jobs or anything that really entails being an adult. She’s not necessarily worried about being in the new timeline, outside of the fact she’s not supposed to be alive.

Has a mean jealous streak that can extend to from friends to romantic partners to just one night stands.

ABOUT page ⚘⚘ CONNECTIONS page ⚘⚘

#❛ ✩ to hate is lazy love takes strength ✩ ❜ –– Intro #❛ ✩ hello hello everyone! im excited to be here and start rping with everyone! ✩ ❜ –– out of astoria #❛ ✩ i....hope this works? asdgfg i wasn't sure how much to write ✩ ❜ –– out of astoria #quantum intro #❛ ✩ im also working on making a playlist/pin board for her! so i'll add those at some point ✩ ❜ –– out of astoria #❛ ✩ i wasnt sure how much to write adfhjg but im sure ill write a full bio at some point. this week is just hectic ✩ ❜ –– out of astoria #((please excuse my mess of rambling in the tags.....))

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warmbeebosoftbeebo · 6 years

Note

Hey, I’m the anon that asked panicsinning about the daddy thing. I’m seeing it in a significant portion of the fics I try to read at the minute (not just Brendon fics, but I seem to find more of them with him!) and I’m not into it at all. It kinda sucks. There are so many other ways to write a dominant Brendon, if that’s what people want, but as soon as I see the daddy thing I gotta close the tab like no thank u. And especially if he’s said it makes him uncomfortable

i think we’re dealing with the fall out of a generation of 90s and 2000s people raised on internet porn. i’ve noticed–this is evident on wattpad n tumblr especially–that a lot of smut is written by junior high n high school girls too, whose go to source is other smut fics by youn’uns n internet porn. like you could see that at work too on aooo n livejournal, but that stuff tended to be more grounded in real life experience/realistic n the writers skewed older–late teens n 20s on those–recorded porn was also less…fucked up in the 90s-early 00s n things that are mainstream now used to be fringe n avoidable. another thing i’ve noticed in fics: lack of solidarity with other women and girls–a lot of monstering of other females, who are usually portrayed as “whores” (this has a long history though–i remember the good girl/bad girl dichotomy in a lot of romance novels, vc andrews books, etc–tv shows n movies based around conflict between girls, the idea that women and girls are crueler to girls than boys are when the reverse is true, women getting angry at the “other woman” and not their dickhead men)

(trigger warning for me ranting about the content of pornography, the sexual status quo, etc)

i watched straight porn from about 8-12 from 95-99 and i don’t remember ever seeing pia for example. porn is now absolutely obsessed with men anally penetrating women with their dicks (if you are on a porn site, you will quickly see it guaranfuckingteed), particularly the damage that can result from it (eg “gaping,” women saying they can’t handle it *on camera* and the scene still continuing, “she’ll need an ambulance when we’re done with her”). there wasn’t much “deep throat”/”throat fucking” fellatio (i hate those terms–we are looking at throat rape) either, but now porn is obsessed with that too. it also used to be more about showing at least the performance of female pleasure and orgasm (usually faked of course) but now that is largely irrelevant and clear indications of pain are not only kept in, but intentionally there. piv that’s not a cervix bashing is hard to find, scenes without piv even harder (and they’re usually brief clips), and “sex” for men generally and pornographers in particular starts at piv–like if there isn’t at least “regular fucking” it doesn’t even register as sexual and worth watching to most.

“vanilla porn” has a lot of bdsm themes in it as discussed above as well as slapping, spitting, ejaculating on women’s faces, misogynist namecalling, “ass to mouth” and the hetero bdsm porn online is absolutely–we’re talking witch hunt and slavery levels of torture. in both, women are punished for the crime of being born female. based in aggrieved male entitlement–like men are punishing women for having any boundaries, desires of their own, telling them no outright or no to certain sex acts. any sexuality in women reduced to “fuck hole” (or a dewey eyed bisexual–tropes around female-female sexuality in porn are more varied i will admit but ultimately about viewer, typically male, titillation. femdom is also usually paid for by the man, and all about what he wants, and most of the domination and pain is both mild in comparison to what women are put through and based in feminizing him–comparing him to a woman, calling him gay, saying he has a small “ineffective” dick, calling his anus a pussy, etc. women are also often in absolutely ridiculous uncomfortable outfits n shoes.). a lot of humiliation, dom/sub–it’s really difficult for me to watch but it’s like men are in a contest with each other, expressing sexuality together, with women as the targets–seeing who can humiliate and hurt women the most–make her wish she’d never been born. man=sadist, and female=hole. (and a lot of the women making porn play that same game too.)

under this, girls are developing their sexuality, with the above porn online, and either just a general lack of information from school and parents, or a specifically religious tinge to discussions of sexuality as being sinful, shameful in women (and gay/bi men). sex=piv=sex, and pia is 5th base and you shouldn’t have hang ups about fucking bc it’s what girls and women are made for and like. things that women can do together don’t get transferred to sex with men at all, or at best MAY make it in as foreplay–sex is pole in hole, silly ho–not rubbing off on him (esp if you want to rub on a part or in a position that makes him feel like a girl), or getting oral, or masturbating in front of him, or him using his hand on you, or using toys together… women and girls are the gatekeepers for male sexuality and responsible for men’s actions and either natural saints or whores who need to either save men from the bad women (who deserve what men do to them, regardless of how cruel or sadistic or destructive–she wanted it if it happened at all–made him do it) or embrace their roles as cumsluts (liberated sexuality is doing what the pornographers tell you to, you go girl and suck that cock and have piv while you have few if any orgasms, don’t even feel that turned on and comfortable, and just put on a good show! lol don’t you know that focusing on yr clit n vulva is for masturbation and girl-girl action, if you focus on that silly part at all. or just rub your clit while he’s using whichever of your holes he wants–the sex positive solution. or spend years thinking you’re broken, to find out not orgasming during piv is normal, and just continue having it n taking hormonal birth control n praying for your period to arrive on time.)

there is a lot telling women and girls to find dangerous, possessive, sadistic, controlling, etc men sexy, and obviously this works–increasingly women are consuming porn, the success of the twilight novels, 50 shades of abusive gaslighting n pitying the poor poor dude who is just a hurt puppy (who can fucking kill you), advising already traumatized women to “work through their trauma” with a male sadist/top, telling women and girls that “daddy kink” is hot as fuck (ignore the fact that father-daughter incest is probably statistically the most traumatic form of child sexual abuse there is n hide it behind “it’s just a bit of kinky fun n letting him feel like a real man n letting you surrender to yourself n letting him take care of you” gaslighting), the whole mess of “sex positive feminism” (this is not what anne koedt, shere hite, audre lorde, etc were talking about folks) and repainting feminism (the fight for women’s liberation from patriarchy and the end of male violence) as about consumerist choices (particularly around conforming to beauty standards, partaking in prostitution industries) and saying women are not a class and women aren’t oppressed because of male desire to control our sexuality and reproduction but because we have inner feminine souls/brains and if you’re not a walking stereotype n don’t feel like one you’re not really female n sex is a free for all n not political at all (except for slutshaming bc women often are what men call us n shouldn’t be shamed for it–we should embrace it as empowerment) n trust women unless they say something you don’t agree with then they are monsters who kill with their words unlike men (even the ones who do kill) who aren’t why we feel unsafe (those bad women over there made them do it n besides, women are worse than men)…

holy fuck this is quite the rant! i need to get back to writing the smutty times with beebs ;)

tl;dr this environment is ripe for girls finding “daddy kink” sexy because it encapsulates more explicitly what flows through our everyday sexual lives, media, etc. already. like the question shouldn’t be “why are some into daddy kink” but “why is there an intense focus on dom/sub, top/bottom, adult/child, male/female, penetrator/penetrated… dichotomies and roles in the first place?” or “how could so many *not* be drawn to it?” i remember reading explicit romance novels and this dom/sub, piv-oriented, etc relation was as common as air in them (they were generally way worse than graphic western novels n even worse than a lot of recorded porn back then), even the ones where the women were into equality outside of the bedroom. you can also see this in gay porn, where there is also this focus on pia and top/bottom roles, changing the way gay men have sex outside of porn too–like older gay/bi men see pia and roles attached to it as far less pivotal in their understanding and experience of sex than young gay/bi men do. (jesus christ gal get back on topic…)

daddy/little (or kitten or princess or slut or…) confirms the way things should be: male control, authority, female deference, submission, etc. independence in women is punished. female desire for sexual pleasure and affection is denigrated. the amount of fics where women are punished or shamed for masturbating in front of him or on her own or rubbing herself on him by the daddy/dom! i can’t even… told not to, called bad for doing it…had their hand slapped away…physically punished for doing it. it’s seen as a distraction from the man’s Very Important Stuff at best, whether that stuff is nonsexual or what he wants to do to her sexually. sexuality is presented as a punishment for women (not so far from god’s condemnation of eve are we?), but something we desire simultaneously. like we should be punished for wanting, as if our wanting men or a man means we should be hurt by him/them. spanking is a humiliation and pain ritual a la abusive fathers with belts/forceful hands/tree branches/whips through the patriarchal ages, creating welts and tears and humiliation. females are *done to* and males *do*. even sucking dick becomes something men do to women by pushing her head down, pushing into her throat, etc as tears well up. outside of fic, women take painkillers and use numbing gels to endure it. the sexiest women are like little girls, and the sexiest men are controlling fathers. men *have to* hurt us, to let us know what we did wrong, so we can try to behave better next time. women need someone telling them what to do, when to do it, how to do it. telling us and showing us what we are for. men need to feel like real men, and women like real women–nothing is worse than an uppity woman making a man feel like a he’s not an avatar of masculinity, or however he sees himself–quit trying to emasculate men, unless they are into forced feminization of course n are paying for you to do what they want you to, are topping from the bottom. never challenge male self-image, especially in sex. know your place, and tell yourself you are precious, and cared for, and pampered by a benevolent master. daddy kink is the sexiest sex to ever sex, n vanilla is just so boring… why settle for lights out missionary piv when you can be choked n slapped n entered anally? those are your two choices. you’re not a prude are you? quit being so sex negative. quit policing these wild sexy desires in people. quit erasing and killing us with anything you might think or say to contradict this.

we live in a world where men get away with murdering women based on “rough sex gone wrong” defenses, even to the point where people think it reasonable that a native woman in prostitution bled to death after “consensual” piv with a john (when he likely sliced open the inside of her vagina with a knife based on the extent of her injury, let alone the belief that lethal injury can be consented to period let alone within prostitution), athletes are acquitted of rape when they gang rape a woman into several hours of bleeding from a vaginal injury (and she named it rape from the get go, the men were bragging and trying to get her to keep quiet), wives are murdered by boyfriends in “50 shades games gone wrong” that *she* wanted (considering she is the dead one not him...), people think *unconscious* women and girls are “consenting” whether strangled into unconsciousness or drugged or sleeping..., and another woman was literally choked to death during throat rape by the man she loved (the focus in that courtroom and the media? His allegedly big dick--how could he have helped himself, not killed her, with such a big cock? Injuring women with big dicks is so entertaining n humourous!). A male sadist is more likely to kill you than give you an amazing time in bed. More likely to claim it’s all fun n games when numerous women accuse him of sexual, physical and psychological abuse than actually help those or any other women have a good time in bed.

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bebe-benzenheimer · 7 years

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Feminism is about equality??? It's about women being able to access quality healthcare, equal pay, and not having rapists spend merely two fucking days in jail. There is work to be done for women and that's why feminism exists. It's not about hating men at all...

OH RLY?

Feminists skewed the Definition of Domestic Abuse, resulting in only male abusers being arrested and female abusers not.

Feminists’s DV training hurts Police training

The feminist group WAR has petitioned to have the government stop prosecuting women for filing false accusations

Feminist Mary Koss denies male rape victims.

Feminists violently protesting against Warren Farrell at U of Toronto

17,000 feminists at protest attack and sexually molesting a group of Rosary-praying Catholic men who were peacefully protecting the cathedral in the city of San Juan from threats of vandalism.

Feminists shut down forum for battered husbands.

Feminists fought a law for equal custody to be the default if both parents want custody and neither parent is unfit. Multiple times.

Feminists started a campaign against Father’s rights groups

Feminists fought against laws granting men anonymity until charged with the crime of rape—not convicted, just charged.

Feminists fought against a law to end to the justice system favoring women simply because they are women, and giving men harsher sentences simply because they are men.

Feminist fought against men want equal treatment when victims of domestic violence, and to not be arrested for the crime of “being male” under primary aggressor policies.

Feminists in India and Israel fought against female rapists being arrested, charged and convicted of rape.

Feminists fought against a economic stimulus for male-dominated job such as construction, etc.

Feminist fought a law against Paternity Fraud.

Feminist Harriet Harman has publicly requested employers to hire women in preference to White men if both job candidates are equally

Equality Minister,feminist Patricia Hewitt, was found guilty of breaching the Sex Discrimination Act by “overlooking a strong male candidate for a job in favour of a weaker female applicant”.

Elected in 2009, the lesbian feminist prime minister Johanna Sigurdardottir has vowed to “end of the Age of Testosterone

Feminists want to make peeing while standing illegal

Erin Pizzey had to flee the UK because she and her family received death threats and her dog murdered all because feminists didn’t like that she discovered women were equally as violent as men.

Also Suzanne Steinmetz and her children received death threats and bomb threats she discovered that the rate at which men were victimized by domestic violence was similar to the rate for women.

Richard Gelles and Murray Straus have all received death threats from feminists, simply for publishing their findings (that female-to-male family violence was equal to the rate of male-to-female violence).

Feminist attacks male cartoonist and is hailed a hero of feminism.

Try to shut down female prisons.

Feminists prevent a meeting about male suicide.

Jezebel mocks men who are abused.

Create rape laws that exclude female rapists.

Make it impossible to charge women with rape.

Feminists cover up female domestic violence.

Feminists don’t want the gov to help unemployed men.

Feminists say men can’t talk about domestic abuse.

Feminists say Men can’t be raped.

Feminists cover up female domestic abuse stats.

Women receive lighter sentences and a higher chance of acquittal, simply for being women

94% of sexually abused youth in correctional facilities reported being abused by female staff. Only 40% of the staff is female.

Inmates reporting staff sexual misconduct, ~ 65% reported a female aggressor

Study of US college women - 12% of the respondents reported ever using any type of force strategy while 43% reported using a coercion strategy and 92% reported using a seduction strategy to initiate sex.

Mothers kill children at twice the rate of fathers.

For Every 100 girls..

Women actually control 80% of household spending, and 51.3% of private wealth.

Women receive custody in over 90% of divorce proceedings

Women initiating divorce between 66% and 90% of the time.

Women make up the majority of college graduates

School system favors girls starting from Kindergarten

Female felons should serve home sentences.

Told judges to be lenient on women.

Women are perpetrators often as men.

286 sources on assaults on partners by women

Women are more violent

Domestic violence being equally committed by women, only males get arrested

Men are over 40% of domestic abuse victims

Male DV victims are discriminated against

Gay and bisexual men experience abuse in intimate partner relationships at a rate of 2 in 5, which is comparable to the amount of domestic violence experienced by heterosexual women.

About 17-45% of lesbians report having been the victim of a least one act of physical violence perpetrated by a lesbian partner (1,5,6,13).

Women Now a Majority in American Workplaces

Labor force participation rate for men has never been lower.

Women in some cases make more than men.

And their husbands dont have a problem with it either.

There is no STEM gender gap in the U.S

Women In Tech Make More Money And Land Better Jobs Than Men

Lesbian on Lesbian Rape

Inflation of anti-human trafficking statistics

Men who are falsely accused of rape can have their names published and their lives ruined even if they are not convicted or charged - their accuser is protected and is likely to face no punishment, or a light one.

Under a recent federal directive, men are convicted of rape in university campuses if the investigating board finds that the chances they committed the rape are at 50.00001% or greater.

The DOE policy in practice: Caleb Warner was accused of rape and expelled from the University of North Dakota, then his accuser was charged with filing a false report. He remains expelled as of June 2011

Woman rapes boy, woman becomes pregnant, boy must paid child support.

40% of rapists are female 1

Definition of rape, erases victims of rape who are forced to penetrate, generally men who are forced to have sex with women.

Men are raped in the military

Men Outnumber Women Among American Rape Victims

Male statutory rape victims forced to pay child support

59% of the rapists had been heterosexually molested.

Female Pedophiles Cause Children More Harm, According to Research by University of Bergen, Norway

males and females carried out sexual violence at strikingly similar rates after the age of 18

Female-on-male sexual assault is under reported

A man is approximately 165% more likely to be convicted than a woman

Men are significantly more likely to be the victims of violent crime

Men and Boys are doing worse in all aspects of the educational system, from kindergarten to university.

Men suffer from Paternity fraud

Female business owners get money from the government for being female. Males?no

Some Airlines, have banned male from sitting next to children because they are men.

Rape of males in Prison and jail

Male circumcision is still legal

Men often coerced into sex: study

Boy victims of sex trafficking ignored

Men are 93 % of work place death/violence.

Eating disorders among men and boys

Demonization of Male Sexuality

Catastrophically high suicide male rate

Literally zero male shelters

75-80% of the Homeless are men

Family courts are bais against men.

Breast Cancer gets more funding/research/drugs than Prostate cancer despite affecting men at a similar rate of women.

Divorced men are 40% more likely to commit suicide

Founder of Canadas only male shelter for abuse forced to close due to lack of funding before committing suicide.

Shame men into going to war.

Feminists attack government office and police who show upFeminist fire bomb 3 adult film storesFeminists assault other feminists and loot stores Feminists attack and molest men who are protecting a churchFeminist rebels wage 20 year long war in MexicoFeminist commits string of arson attacks and tries to break out of prisonLGBT Feminist assaults Swedish Politician Feminist bombs 8 buildingsFeminists mutilate dog and force women to flee countryFeminist attack female modelsFeminists plan to blow up clothing storeFeminist terrorize woman and children and send bomb threats Feminists turn Burkina Faso and into an Orwellian nightmareFeminists send bomb threats over people publishing factsFeminists break into the Egyptian Parliament and start making demandsFeminists send bomb threats to journalism conferenceFeminist attempts to assassinate famous artistFeminists call for the largest string of terrorist attacks in human historyFeminists bomb 2 buildings to celebrate National Women’s Day Feminists vandalize restaurant for having the word male in their nameFeminists assault police officers and try to take over The House of CommonsFeminists murder hundreds across Iran in terrorist attacksFeminists murder 386 people and try to take over IrelandFeminists bomb places, commit arson, attempt murder, destroy historical landmarks, and attempt to assassinate The British Prime MinisterFeminist who lead the group that did the things stated above hailed as heroFeminists bomb 45 buildings in GermanyFeminist destroys priceless work of art, commits arson and bombs train station Feminist leader participates in massacre which leaves 116 deadFeminists vandalize collage campus fraternity buildingFeminists attempt to assassinate The British Prime Minister againFeminist commits arson, attacks police, destroy monument showcase for landmark, destroys cell block, attempt to blow up the home of Scotland’s National Poet and assaults another Prime MinisterFeminist professor physically assaults teenage girl for being pro life Feminist tries to blow up postbox with homemade bombFeminists vandalize signs and sends bomb threats over advertisementFeminists attack the archbishop of BrusselsFeminists attack the archbishop of Brussels againArmed Feminists attack the Irish Capital buildingFeminists call for another bombing of Dresden to push Islamic genocideFeminists storm wax museum to destroy statue of politician The feminist at the guardian thinks men are going to take away their babies.

We have a rising rate of false rape accusations also see here and here

Men are raped by women at nearly the same rate women if not more.

Women are more likely to be abusive. also here and here

However women are more likely to just get off with just a slap on the wrist if that. Also here

Feminist Create rape laws that exclude female rapists.

Feminist make it impossible to charge women with rape.

Feminists cover up female domestic violence.

Feminists say Men can’t be raped.

Feminists in India and Israel fought against female rapists being arrested, Feminist charged and convicted of rape.

Feminists fought against a law to end to the justice system favoring women simply because they are women, and giving men harsher sentences simply because they are men.

Feminist try to shut down female prisons.

and don’t even get me started on the horrible state of divorce.

#long post #feminism #antifeminism #mmmm I love when I get to gather receipts #even if it almost crashed my brower #Anonymous

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avoresmith · 8 years

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@bigyepper put metal gear on my dash and I was reminded all I ever want to do is talk about metal gear.

so here are some RANDOM METAL GEAR THOUGHTS/PROBABLY UNPOPULAR OPINIONS BUT WHATEV

spoilers for whole series!!! stop reading if you care about that shit!!!

Eli basically fits the profile of a child soldier. As in, raised from a very young age indoctrinated to a specific world view that encourages violence and strength and loyalty. But not so stupid that he can’t engage with the world outside this view. Rather, when people show him kindness he has been taught to perceive it as either attempted manipulation or disrespect (because it implies he is weak enough to need it). There is no one in thei game remotely equiped to help Eli, and everyone who tries only makes it worse because they think of him as a kid instead of a dangerous enemy combatant (which he absolutely IS and the game TREATS him as such and he treats HIMSELF as such).

This also fits perfectly with what we know of Paz’s background, and while Paz wasn’t really 16, her ‘education’ probably began fairly young (tho older than Eli I would think, she seems to have a better grasp on the potential for a normal life).

So basically. Zero just has a history of raising children to be fucked up murder tools is what I’m saying.

to that end, I kind of think the Las Enfantes Terribles project was Zero tried to create the Perfect Soldier via his manipulation bullshit network, fucked up in some way (or someone deliberately fucked it up, since as seen by Skullface Zero doesn’t actually have eyes on everything), so we get Eli, the Better Twin, raised by the Patriots, and then David just sort of dumped into America, kept track of but not deliberately constructed for a specific purpose.

I’ve never really interacted much with the deeper fandom on MGS tbh, but lately it kind of weirds me out that ‘Otacon is definitely a sexist creeper who co-opts the death of women around him into plot elements for his Big Deal Hero Story’ is not a meme that seems to come out of this fandom. Like. He does this CONSTANTLY, and okay at least with Emma and Naomi we can claim a certain amount of relationship there. Though his obsession with Naomi, who he barely knows, is certainly ALSO creeper behavior. But Wolf?? She gave half a shit about him and his response to her death is to treat it like a hurdle in his personal growth whereupon he is now ready to undergo the Figure Out How To Love Again stage of his personal anime fantasy. It’s creepy as fuck. And yes, it’s not how the narrative is intended to be taken but when did we ever let that stop us? According to the NARRATIVE, Rose is a flawless and caring girlfriend that Raiden is lucky to have (MORE ON THAT LATER). In point of fact Otacon is an entitled weaboo creep who if told Wolf was gay would probably regret having woke up that morning.

WHICH. I am COMPLETELY FINE WITH. It’s good character shit! It fits REALLY WELL with his connection to Huey who is one of the best portrayals of an abuser I’ve ever seen. He grew up with an entitled asshole dad it is no surprise that Otacon, growing up media that ALSO loves to portray and reinforce those entitlements, would also come to see women primarily as actors in the dramatic story of his life.

OKAY ON THE SUBJECT OR ROSE. DO YOU KNOW WHO IS THE BEST? ROSE IS. The girl who got everything she wanted in life with no exceptions! Who was raised by and single handledly manipulated her way out of the thumb of the patriots! Who manipulated her boyfriend into being completely devoted to her, had his son, lied about his death, drove him to alcohol abuse, faked breaking up and moving in with another man. The Patriots have a lot and IMMEDIATE history of stealing babies to manipulate events and she just noped the right fuck out of that and encouraged key players from the sidelines until the bodies that governed her entire life were turned to dust then slid back in with a cute little ‘I lied, =)’ and regained her perfect idyllic family with her hot cyborg badass husband. NAME A SINGLE MGS CHARACTER WHO MORE GOT EVERYTHING THEY EVER WANTED THAN ROSE DID. NO ONE. ROSE GOT EVERYTHING SHE WANTED AND SACRIFICED SHIT (*due to being too crazy to consider the severe psychological harm she did to Raiden as much of a ‘sacrifice’).

Like if Ocelot had dreamed of a happy marriage to a total badass with a kid and a successful career instead of destroying the structures that govern the world to reduce society to a lawless wild west anarchy where his bae would be the biggest badass around, he would basically just have been Rose.

So yea obvs Rose was unironically intended to be a good portrayal of a capable woman in a loving relationship or something. Whatever. I don’t care. Kojima is a sexist trashfire. Correct.

What I’m saying is my love for Rose also makes me want to go down armless and screaming under a beached submarine adorned with the faces of my father figures.

I am STRONGLY of the opinion that Ocelot manipulated Big Boss into abandoning Kaz. In the Truth tapes Ocelot VERY MUCH makes it sound like Kaz is basically aware of and onboard with the general plan, and the ‘plan’ explained to BB is to replace him with a Phantom so he can disappear off of Zero’s radar. So BB has been in a coma for 9 fucking years and when he wakes up the two people most loyal to him in the entire world have been conspiring to do the nearly impossible and make him invisible to the hyper vigilant spy network that manipulates events worldwide. Who the fuck is he to be like ‘nah?’ While ostensibly The Boss, BB has always been heavily guided and influenced by others and fairly amoral. That’s how Kaz was able to manipulate him into starting MSF, even though BB grumbled constantly about having no particular desire to do anything that grandiose. He doesn’t respond heavily to ethics but he responds to empathy (which is why Zero and Kaz use Paz to manipulate him) and REALLY RESPONDS to personal responsibility (why he clings so hard to the Boss but abandons her when he perceives she has abandoned him and all LIKE him, I.E. all of MSF).

So while he is definitely still responsible for Venom, it’s not really any more so than Zero, Ocelot, and Kaz, all of whom knowingly used him.

When Ocelot lights BB’s cigar and sends him off, he has Kaz’s glasses in his pocket ;D He was fully aware Kaz was captured and being tortured and says N O T H I N G, and he KNOWS what effect it would have because he USES IT TO MANIPULATE VENOM. The very fact that this information would motivate Big Boss to save Kaz is pretty undeniable in light of the fact that it is used to manipulate a dude brainwashed into THINKING he’s Big Boss.

What im saying is Ocelot broke up their marriage on purpose and I love him?? Im telling u Ocelot and Rose are soultwins.

I think it is charming that Ocelot likes to pretend that he is not a crazy joyful sadist, but I also like to imagine that he got his reputation as an amazing interrogator by just torturing people for funsies, then pulling out information he already had due to being a super spy.

I headcanon that Kaz’s daughter, Catherine, was an adopted war orphan who he left behind a sizable inheritance of dirty war money which she uses to start an Anti-PMC PMC corp, and fueled by a desire to unravel the war economy her father, if not created, put on a fucking steroids, she funds Raiden in his efforts to murder a shitload of PMC CEOs in Metal Gear Rising 2, the game I will never get because Konami is terrible

#op me #metal gear solid #mgs #musings #I CARE SO MUCH #JUST FOREVER #AND ALWAYS #TOO MANY METAL GEAR FEELIOS #CAN'T LIVE

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mamamia2018 · 6 years

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Quarterly Word Vomit/NYRs/Thoughts on Motherhood/Life Plans/Silver Linings and Small Celebrations

ˆAw shiett. You know, I always tell people going through shit to “write it down”. Writing has always been therapeutic for me. I’ve kept a diary since I was literally six years old and didn’t know how to spell. I would draw emojis and hieroglyphic-like cryptic messages to say what I wanted. True story: when I was six I wanted to write about my hamster, but I didn’t know how to actually spell “hamster”. So, I drew a picture of a slice of deli-ham and someone stirring a bowl. Get it? Ham-stir = hamster. My point is, I talk this big talk about writing and how it’s good for you and how much I love to do it and yet I hardly ever do it. That changes now, in this moment (until I neglect myself again and put it off for another year or so.

The last time I wrote was back in March. I was still pregnant and teaching. I wrote this little gem in my last post:

“It’s almost 1AM, I had coffee, I’ve got an achy back and only three days until I go on spring break, followed by maternity leave. Does anybody know where the time went? I sure don’t. I can’t believe that i’m having a baby (that’s weird). I’m so excited but so nervous to become a mom. This is such a vastly different role than any other position I’ve held. Teacher? Sister? Wife? Daughter? Friend? I’ve done all that, somewhat decently (maybe), but never have I been responsible for birthing someone and then being their mom after. Don’t get me wrong…I can’t wait. I’ve been dreaming of this moment for a long time. But the thought of it finally being here, holding my baby, dressing her, caring for her, feeding her…it’s all so foreign. I’m so happy…the happiest I’ve ever been. I just want to do this right by her. I want to be a good mother, more than anything I think I’ve ever wanted for myself or someone else.“

Ah, motherhood. I was expecting big changes from this major level-up, but nothing as blissfully wonderful, overwhelming, heart-warming, heart-breaking, and fantastic as this. My Mia Jean is the light of my life. She is my motivation. The air I breathe. Jesus, that got cliche fast, and yet these universal truths still fall incredibly short of how truly wonderful motherhood is. I love my daughter with my entire existence and every fiber of my being. I worry constantly if I’m enough and if I’m doing enough for her. I’m trying my best. This promotion to “mom” has been the biggest challenge and greatest blessing I’ve ever known--and I am one sick mofo that is known the world over for throwing myself into the fire and forcing myself to rise to the top. I guess the words I’m looking for are this: motherhood is humbling. When my child was born via emergency c-section 3.5 weeks early and I rested my faith in the well-trained medical staff surrounding me, I had never felt so vulnerable and humbled in my life. My beautiful sterile, hospital gown was lifted so a nurse could shave the vagina I had lost sight of for four months. They laid me on a bed, pulled my gown up, and there I lay--vagina hanging out in all my lovely, naked, pregnant glory--in front of about 15 nurses and docs as Luther Vandross played through the speakers. Then they gave me some happy meds that made me numb but kept me conscious, sliced my uterus open, and pulled out a healthy baby whose loud, little kitty-cry and gooey little face stopped my heart and changed my world forever. H-U-M-B-L-I-N-G. And yet, that was the easy part. It’s only gotten more humbling since then. But--and let me emphasize this point--it’s been a wonderful ride and I wouldn’t change a second of it. Our Mia is perfect in every way and all I want in my life is to live a life worth modeling for her. Am I a good mother? I have to say, I think I am. I’m not perfect but who is? I have my shortcomings, just as much as the next person. Sometimes she eats avocado toast. Other times, she eats cold Spaghetti-O’s right out of the can. You know what they call that? Balance.

So I guess we can say Mia was the best part of 2018. Fucking easily. No hesitations. Other cool shit that happened: I got my second and third credentials in mild/moderate Special Education and moderate/severe Special Education. So I’ve got the necessary docs to go out and start teaching tomorrow, but I’m taking some time off to enjoy our baby bug and be a stay at home mom. Sure, it’s not the easiest job in the world maintaining a clean house, well-fed kid, and all the other tasks stay-at-home-moms are in charge of throughout the day, but man, do I consider myself fortunate to do this. Without this opportunity, we’d be scrounging for daycare and paying out the ear to make it happen, so I’m so glad that we’re able to do this and I’m able to spend more time with our angel to get to know her and play a role in shaping her.

That being said, I’m not used to not-working. 2017-2018 were two of the busiest years of my life, career-wise. I began my first year teaching and added a third credential to my teacher prep program. I began my master’s studies and grew (and then birthed) a baby. I love being able to stay home with our baby, but I miss working and having coworkers. I miss my money and I’m not wild about relying entirely on Sean, so I try to stay busy with my side business to satisfy the need to contribute. I’ve been working since I was 16, so this is all still very foreign to me. Again, I’m grateful, humbled, and consider myself extremely fortunate, but there’s been an ongoing adjustment period that I’m still trying my best to get used to. I guess you could say I want to do it all. I truly do. I want to be the Wonder Woman who teaches full-time, nurses exclusively, finishes a master’s program and more. I’ve gotten some eye-rolls from women who have done it all at once. I feel like I used to be the woman that would judgingly pass the same eye-roll and now I know that I never want to be her again. Again, the theme of 2018 that seems to keep popping up is “humbling”. Motherhood, 2018, all of it has been humbling. I’m learning that it’s okay to say no to certain tasks, people, and things. I don’t have to do it all. I can focus my energy on two or three major things that make my heart sing and do them really well instead of spreading myself so thin that I can’t do any of it well. That’s okay and I’m not less of a woman for wanting that for myself and my family. I can do this, I can scale back, I can focus on what’s most important, and put some stuff on the back burner and that is all quite alright. It’s taking some time, and I’m getting there.

Speaking of boundaries, 2018 has taught me a lot about that, in (again) the most humbling way possible. This year, Iearned that a loved one, whom I have a very strained and complicated relationship, is struggling with substance abuse. In the process, I’ve learned that someone whom I love so dearly has put that same person’s needs before mine. I’m trying to not get too detailed here, because this is all sort of private and very difficult to share. I’m mostly trying to sort my thoughts out for myself, for the sake of having some clarity and mental health. What I’m trying to get at is this--as time has gone on, this year has taught me that what you see isn’t always what you get. That even the people you love and trust the most can hurt you in the deepest ways possible. I’m learning a lot about myself through this journey and all the drama that comes with it. I have a voice, an opinion, and I’m entitled to both. I don’t have to forgive, but I have the capacity for it. I have headspace, and I can choose who I want to share that with. What’s happened to me in the past doesn’t have to define me. The people that have hurt me and the horrible things they’ve said do not have to crush me. I do not have to let these people into my heart. I do not have to give people the power to hurt me. I can have a relationship with people I love who have hurt me, but on my terms. There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing shameful about that. I am not selfish for creating boundaries. I am caring for my own mental health and the safety of my family. That being said, it’s still hard and I’m working on it every day.

I’m also learning that I can’t control others around me. I can’t force people to make decisions that I deem “good” for them. I cannot say anything or do anything that will move someone towards positivity or mental health. At the end of the day, people will do what they want to and I need to face the fact that I have little control over this. I’ve spent the majority of my life hoping, praying, wishing constantly that I can move my loved ones towards self-care, to no avail. I still feel hurt and let down when I see my loved ones engaging in self-destructive behaviors, but I’m learning to release feelings of resentment and the false sense of control that I hold onto. I’m dealing with this by establishing boundaries. For myself. In my life, I’ve often put the needs of others before my own. In 2019, I’m vowing to be a little more selfish--to take care of myself and focus on my own health and needs.

This year has been a whirlwind. I gained a daughter but lost a grandfather. I lost a job but became a mother. I lost some personal time but managed to complete my master’s proposal. We went on vacation, we went horseback riding, we got drunk and acted like idiots at a swanky spa. I reenrolled in school and started a business. I’ve felt a lot of pain and put my heart and feelings on hold to take on some of the hurt of my loved ones. It’s been exhausting and it’s been hell, but I made it and 2019 is on the horizon. The promise of something new. A blank canvas. The chance to start fresh. It’s cheesy, but I’ve been thinking a lot about 2018, what sucked, what I have control over and what I don’t. And this mindset has helped me to determine what I want out of 2019. I’m not entirely sure how I’ll get there yet, but at the very least, I’ve got a goal. A wish. A foundation for change. Here it is.

1. I want to build a thriving bridal business. I want to book more weddings. Better clients. Become a marketing wiz. I want to make at least $50,000 this year in bridal work alone. That’s like a 458293085904% increase from what I typically make out of this glorified hobby. It’s also not a ton of money, in the grand scheme of things, but it’s more than i was making as an intern so it’s my goal. My first year as a makeup “intern”. Employed by me. Reporting to me. I am my boss. I can do this.

2. I am going to graduate. I am going to walk in the summer and place my grad cap on my baby girl’s head. I’m going to kiss her on the cheek and take a photo with her. And when she goes to school, I’ll whip that picture out every year and show her how possible it is to achieve your dreams...even with a kiddo.

3. I am going to focus on my mental health. I am going to say no to certain projects, people, situations, and things that don’t bring me happiness. This is the year I will use my voice and enforce my boundaries.

4. I am going to be more present. In the moment. Less phone when I’m with someone, my nine-month old daughter, included.

5. I am going to be more mindful about the way I speak. Less fucks and shits and damns, especially around my kid. Yeah, I know...I fucked up and said all those things about a million times in this post. But I’m working on it.

6. I’m going to save money to buy a house in three years. Three years. I’m saying it and putting it out into the world. I’m going to make it happen.

I’m tired and running out of things to say. Good night.

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bebe-benzenheimer · 8 years

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fam whether you chose to see it or not women are oppressed sooooo

Mmm, yes, look at all this oppression:

Feminists skewed the Definition of Domestic Abuse, resulting in only male abusers being arrested and female abusers not.

Feminists’s DV training hurts Police training

The feminist group WAR has petitioned to have the government stop prosecuting women for filing false accusations

Feminist Mary Koss denies male rape victims.

Feminists violently protesting against Warren Farrell at U of Toronto

17,000 feminists at protest attack and sexually molesting a group of Rosary-praying Catholic men who were peacefully protecting the cathedral in the city of San Juan from threats of vandalism.

Feminists shut down forum for battered husbands.

Feminists fought a law for equal custody to be the default if both parents want custody and neither parent is unfit. Multiple times.

Feminists started a campaign against Father’s rights groups

Feminists fought against laws granting men anonymity until charged with the crime of rape—not convicted, just charged.

Feminists fought against a law to end to the justice system favoring women simply because they are women, and giving men harsher sentences simply because they are men.

Feminist fought against men want equal treatment when victims of domestic violence, and to not be arrested for the crime of “being male” under primary aggressor policies.

Feminists in India and Israel fought against female rapists being arrested, charged and convicted of rape.

Feminists fought against a economic stimulus for male-dominated job such as construction, etc.

Feminist fought a law against Paternity Fraud.

Feminist Harriet Harman has publicly requested employers to hire women in preference to White men if both job candidates are equally

Equality Minister,feminist Patricia Hewitt, was found guilty of breaching the Sex Discrimination Act by “overlooking a strong male candidate for a job in favour of a weaker female applicant”.

Elected in 2009, the lesbian feminist prime minister Johanna Sigurdardottir has vowed to “end of the Age of Testosterone

Feminists want to make peeing while standing illegal

Erin Pizzey had to flee the UK because she and her family received death threats and her dog murdered all because feminists didn’t like that she discovered women were equally as violent as men.

Also Suzanne Steinmetz and her children received death threats and bomb threats she discovered that the rate at which men were victimized by domestic violence was similar to the rate for women.

Feminist attacks male cartoonist and is hailed a hero of feminism.

Try to shut down female prisons.

Feminists prevent a meeting about male suicide.

Jezebel mocks men who are abused.

Create rape laws that exclude female rapists.

Make it impossible to charge women with rape.

Feminists cover up female domestic violence.

Feminists don’t want the gov to help unemployed men.

Feminists say men can’t talk about domestic abuse.

Feminists say Men can’t be raped.

Feminists cover up female domestic abuse stats.

Women receive lighter sentences and a higher chance of acquittal, simply for being women

94% of sexually abused youth in correctional facilities reported being abused by female staff. Only 40% of the staff is female.

Inmates reporting staff sexual misconduct, ~ 65% reported a female aggressor

Mothers kill children at twice the rate of fathers.

For Every 100 girls..

Women actually control 80% of household spending, and 51.3% of private wealth.

Women receive custody in over 90% of divorce proceedings

Women initiating divorce between 66% and 90% of the time.

Women make up the majority of college graduates

School system favors girls starting from Kindergarten

Female felons should serve home sentences.

Told judges to be lenient on women.

Women are perpetrators often as men.

286 sources on assaults on partners by women

Women are more violent

Domestic violence being equally committed by women, only males get arrested

Men are over 40% of domestic abuse victims

Male DV victims are discriminated against

Gay and bisexual men experience abuse in intimate partner relationships at a rate of 2 in 5, which is comparable to the amount of domestic violence experienced by heterosexual women.

About 17-45% of lesbians report having been the victim of a least one act of physical violence perpetrated by a lesbian partner (1,5,6,13).

Women Now a Majority in American Workplaces

Labor force participation rate for men has never been lower.

Women in some cases make more than men.

And their husbands dont have a problem with it either.

There is no STEM gender gap in the U.S

Women In Tech Make More Money And Land Better Jobs Than Men

Lesbian on Lesbian Rape

Inflation of anti-human trafficking statistics

Under a recent federal directive, men are convicted of rape in university campuses if the investigating board finds that the chances they committed the rape are at 50.00001% or greater.

Woman rapes boy, woman becomes pregnant, boy must paid child support.

40% of rapists are female 1

Definition of rape, erases victims of rape who are forced to penetrate, generally men who are forced to have sex with women.

Men are raped in the military

Men Outnumber Women Among American Rape Victims

Male statutory rape victims forced to pay child support

59% of the rapists had been heterosexually molested.

Female Pedophiles Cause Children More Harm, According to Research by University of Bergen, Norway

males and females carried out sexual violence at strikingly similar rates after the age of 18

Female-on-male sexual assault is under reported

A man is approximately 165% more likely to be convicted than a woman

Men are significantly more likely to be the victims of violent crime

Men and Boys are doing worse in all aspects of the educational system, from kindergarten to university.

Men suffer from Paternity fraud

Female business owners get money from the government for being female. Males?no

Some Airlines, have banned male from sitting next to children because they are men.

Rape of males in Prison and jail

Male circumcision is still legal

Men often coerced into sex: study

Boy victims of sex trafficking ignored

Men are 93 % of work place death/violence.

Eating disorders among men and boys

Demonization of Male Sexuality

Catastrophically high suicide male rate

Literally zero male shelters

75-80% of the Homeless are men

Family courts are bais against men.

Breast Cancer gets more funding/research/drugs than Prostate cancer despite affecting men at a similar rate of women.

Divorced men are 40% more likely to commit suicide

Founder of Canadas only male shelter for abuse forced to close due to lack of funding before committing suicide.

Shame men into going to war.

#long post #antifeminism #feminism #get rekt #boom goes the dynamite #Anonymous

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