#if Iris has no fans I am dead

[neverfaerie]

Iris collage by @neverfaerie

[noxturnalmoth]

What Could Have Been

Summary: Silco, the Eye of Zaun, the Industrialist, was first and foremost a son of Zaun who wanted his motherland free. After an altercation in which his adopted daughter shot him in a fit of rage, he is left dying while the world goes on without him. His life's work and ideals soon trampled to nothing as his memory fades from the world. But what if he was saved?

Warnings:

Word Count: 6,397

Masterlist: here

Chapter 2 - Alone

"You have five seconds to explain what happened before I snap your neck."

Was gruffly said in your ear, ragged breath fanning the side of your neck and hair as the wet rag around your throat was pulled tighter. Although you knew very well he could and would kill you if given the opportunity, you refused to give in to your base instinct of attack, fight engraved in each cell in your body instead of flight.

"Can't do much if I can't talk." Was wheezed out as you managed to elbow him in the ribs. The attack could lead to either Slico dropping the rag to cradle his fresh wounds or him dragging you down while the rag choked you further, you were relieved that it was the former. Taking a gulp of fresh air, you turn quickly on the bed and ignoring your ankle's painful straining, straddled the man's waist, your legs hooked around his thighs while you pinned his hands above his hands. His teal eye was narrowed viciously, the teal a biting cold that clawed at you as his disfigured eye burnt you down, charring you to nothing by a simple rageful look. The black of its sclera seeming darker while the orange of the iris was shining bright like an inferno, a a much more different look than the calm yet restless dullness of it when Silco was unconscious. "And if you can't stop trying to kill me I'll have to leave us in this very uncomfortable position for the forseeable future. You're gravely wounded, barely stabilized, and if you try anything not only would it be easy to subdue you but if you managed to escape you'd be dead meat, no matter how strong you are. So can you please not?"

Nightmare fresh on your mind, still appearing behind each blink, exhaustion having sucked up all you had even after a small rest and pain making your voice clipped. His good eye widened slightly in surprise, probably not used to being talked to in such a way or physically handled for quite some time. His lips were pulled back in a sneer but when he tried to escape your grip and blood seeped from his wounds, pain shot through his and cut the action short by making him go limp and groan.

"Fine."

Is huffed from beneath you before you peel yourself away and softly appologizing for your action under your breath, action that also seems to astonish the man as if he had never expected his "captor" to show any ounce of humanity. And you had to rectify that horrible misunderstanding, if not for your pride, for his clarity of mind and relief.

You start the introduction by saying your name as you unwrapped his bandages.

"I found you in a building pretty well hidden between the fringes and the entresol level. I had been there for personal matter regarding a Chem Baron meeting." Silco takes a sharp breath, as sharp as the daggers he had hidden on his person when you first brought him home, aswell as the glare he was currently shooting you while you were cleaning and checking his wounds. "I know, it sounds suspicious, and it was. Those are worse sump rats than I am, because they don't even harbor any loyalty or cause but their own, not even to our people, to Zaun as a whole. I heard from the grape vine that you'd already have an attempt on your life done by Finn, so when I learned he was organizing a little clandestine takeover I had to know what it was about. Plus there's always good extra information to get, they're not careful enough with how they speak and act, it reveals all their cards to the one who actually has a mind and uses it properly."

He scoffs, tensing as your hands touch his skin but biting back any comment or insult he may have for you, knowing better than to bite the hand that heals.

"I was about to hide in the building you were detained in until the meeting started, and heard a whole lot of ruckus. Turns out a family reunion was happening, and i may have not seen anything but I heard enough to know someone got hurt. Even after I saw it was you I couldn't stop myself from running home, I had witnessed manslaughter and I was not about to let a fellow Zaunite die if I could help it. So what if it was you? I would have done it if it was anyone else of our people, even if it was a Piltie. But like hell I, as a trencher, was gonna let one of my own die if I had a say in it."

Your voice resounded in the curtain walled room, the rounded window letting the fluorescent lights filter through the mezzanine, as your hands applied ointment softly to the puckering scars. None had to be restitched but the movements he had performed earlier would make them more sore than they would have been had he not done that. Yet you understood, the man who had all the cards and control in Zaun dying, then finding himself in bed with a stranger was bound to activate fight or flight. And just like you, rebellion was carved deep within his soul.

"What do you want?" His voice had asked so roughly, like angry, rolling thunder hidden behind a curtain of dark, inky clouds.

"Nothing. I want nothing but your health and safety at the moment." Is what you humed back, your hands grazing him gently as you wrapped his chest and stomach. A hiss was heard, and as you looked at Silco you found him analyzing you, mouth downturned as if your mere existence displeased him, and it may have but you couldn't bring yourself to care. You were doing what you thought was right, you were helping one of your own and that's all that mattered.

"I'll ask again." He all but growls out. "What do you want?" Is clipped from behind clenched teeth, his hands going for youe throat. "I don't believe in good samaritans."

"You shouldn't. Everybody has something they want." My hand catches his wrists and his snarl grows deeper, carving his face with a grave expression. "My condition is you taking it easy to not make it any harder on either of us, and to just let me do this. Because I don't know if you've noticed but you've come back from near death Silco. Gone are the Eye of Zaun and the Industrialist, it's been a week and the world goes on without you. You've been old news since you got shot."

His breath hitches and his weak grasp on your throat tightens, eyes looking between each of yours, trying to find something, anything. Turns out, even if you're Silco, near death by the hands of a loved one is enough to make all your walls tumble down like a house of cards. So you bring my other hand up, enclosing both his wrists between your palms.

"I've admired you since I was a kid, Silco." You begin, speaking softly, your eyes looking onto his. "Somewhere along the way you lost yourself and you lost sight of what mattered the most, Zaun. You were obsessed with the idea of it and did all that you did for it, but in the end all you've done was for the semblance of a dream of youth. All you did was for revenge against Piltover, you were fuelled by hatred and now your dream and your empire both have toppled because you've grown overzealous."

"In the pursuit of great, you failed to do good, Silco." His hands clench again, your breathing slightly altered yet not enough to make you take action, his eyes looking at you, drowning and flaying you with their dual violence. "I wanted to save you not for the man you are and what he possesses, but for the man you once were that raised hell to Piltover's enforcers, the man that was a founding member of the Children of Zaun, the idealist who wished for all of his people to finally be free and happy, the child who fought tooth and nail in those mines to survive, the co-founder of the Lanes who helped us generate some of our own profit without Piltover, the man on whom the bridge attack's responsibility fell who then disappeared and came back a monster."

You grab his wrists tighter as he brings his face closer to yours, breath still smelling like tobacco even days after.

"I am not that man anymore, he has died."

"And so have you." You push his wrists away, getting out of the bed and pulling the chair back up from its position on the ground, sitting on it to rewrap your ankle. "So who will you be now Silco?"

Is the last thing uttered from your lips as you take the basin downstairs with your tray on top of it, emptying the cold water and preparing food for two for the first time since you crawled up from the deepest, darkest and most lawless parts of the sump you grew up in. Figments of memories still clinging to you as you hum to occupy the silence, to occupy your busy, loud mind, your gramophone too far for you to want to drag your exhausted body to it. Later, with the tray and basin filled with food and water respectively, you climb back up the stairs, careful not to hurt yourself more.

And opening the curtains you're surprised to see the man still awake, yet a part of you isn't, it feels like the coma he was in for the week was the most sleep he's gotten in years, and that saddened you as you knew exactly how it felt. He was sitting up on your bed, back on the wall, legs stretched as his eyes looked in front of him absentmindedly, lost in thoughts you could only guess were dreary.

"I have to work today, I've been gone for six days and people need me." You say as you set the tray on the bed, his eyes snapping to you as if he only just noticed you were there. "I'll be back later on, please don't try anything. If not for my sake, for your own. If there are still things you wish to accomplish in this life, rest." And those were the last words uttered between you that day as you left right after eating your breakfast.

Down in Zaun in this time of year the weather was bitingly cold, the metal storing the cool from the wind, rain and snow and distributing it to the whole of the Undercity, the bite getting worse the lower you got. But that was no matter for you, the forge was always warm, the hearth burning brightly and illuminating the shop in a soft orange glow as you fixed appliances and made tools, day in and day out helping your community. It felt good, cathartic even, to hit something in order to help someone instead of hurting them, and it felt good when people needed you because you were good at fixing and creating, not destroying. And everyday that Janna let you breathe, you'd thank yourself for working so hard towards achieving something worth being proud of with no one's help but your own and your community's. People who had taken you in their arms and offered a new chance at life seven years ago and for whom you worked incessantly for to balance out the ledger, to repay your debt. And as you arrived at your shop, started the flame and opened up, you saw people pouring in, faces old and new, but all of them you could help and you would, for in Zaun everyone knows the one rule: "we never give our own people away".

But everyone forgets its second part: "we always help our brothers and sisters if we can".

You didn't, and it was the one motto you lived by, day by day, muscles flexing and clenching, sweating at the flame's heat as you fixed, as you created, and today wasn't an exception, and neither was the next week. Silco seldom talked to you, his stomach healing slowly but surely as he begrudgingly followed your advice of staying in bed while you wondered what he was thinking about that had his eyes glaze over, staring into the nothingness and his ears deaf until you metaphorically shook him awake. You took on no new mission of your own, your mind not up to sabotaging the Piltie pigs or the Sump leeches while the man you now shared your life with was still healing, although while his stomach was getting along quite well, the rest of his body seemed to degenerate. You had told about him to your landlord, telling him and his family how you've come to have an unwilling roommate and revealing who he was, knowing that you didn't have to plead for them to keep their mouths shut and you couldn't be more glad to be a Zaunite.

News in Zaun could travel as fast as lightning or as slow as the rolling of the clouds bringing it forth. It had taken two weeks for you to hear from a client that Piltover's council building had been attacked the night you saved Silco, and that three councilor had died, Councilor Hoskel, Councilor Kiramman and Councilor Bolbok, aswell as Viktor, a fellow Zaunite and one of the brilliant minds behind hextech which revolutionized technology on topside. Your heart grew heavy as you were revealed the Perpetrator: Jinx, Silco's daughter and the one who nearly killed the man she called her father. The rest of your day was spent pondering how you could break the news to the man, his daughter had probably been so guilt stricken she destroyed the world and herself alongside it, yet you couldn't lie to him, even less if it's about the only person he loves. So that night, you pass by a food stall, getting food that you bring upstairs with you to Silco, stubble had filled his face, the marred side patchy and irregular. His eyes were tired and glossy, and when you sat down on your chair next to your bed and placed the warm bag on the bed, they dragged lazily to you instead of snapping as usual. His shivering curled up form on the bed, his jaw locked tight as if in immeasurable pain, he wrapped himself deeper in your blanket, trying to maintain a cold façade even after everything.

He was ashamed and you knew it, ashamed of his near death at the hands of his daughter, ashamed at his weakness in this whole ordeal, control slipping between his fingers like sand. But it looked like something else was at play, he was flushed, sweaty and sensitive to sound, touch and light since the day he woke up, the condition getting worse as time passed, and you knew you would never be able to get information as to why if you didn't drive a good bargain, so sighing you straighten up.

"I have knews of your daughter." Was what had him sit up, doubling over in pain yet it wasn't his stomach that he held but his eye. "But I will only tell you if you tell me what's going on."

"So you've finally decided to execute your power over me?" His voice wavered as he tried to force it to unleash venom, spittering and acidic against your skin as he got close to your face, his tired eyes looking particularly frenzied, the braziers of hell flickering dangerously in a way that had you narrowing your eyes in confusion.

"No, but there is something you're not telling me that's ailing you and I can't help if you don't let me."

"Why would I?"

"Because you want to know about Jinx." Cut through the fast paced hissing tone he had set for the conversation. "Don't you?" You tilt your head, secretly hoping that in his exhaustion he'll bite, because as much as you wanted him healthy you also knew of how comandeering and stubborn he was. And if his rough sigh, partly sounding like a growl, was anything to go by? You had won your bet against yourself.

"My eye. It's a source of constant pain, migraines, blurry vision at times, others it's depth perception being messed with. Those I can deal with usually, but this.." He stops, taking a deep breath, hand covering his bad eye. "I get episodes. My skin is rotting, so are my nerves, slowly but surely. I usually have a medication for it, but I have not the injector nor the serum."

There it was, and as you observed just how bad his condition was now, you knew he had been hiding his pain better than anyone else could have in his situation. Skin looking so much paler and its flush so much redder, the sweat gleaming all over his flesh, the marring across his left cheek running deeper, the gray flesh looking darker and like it was conquering more of the sickly territory of his face. That's when you realized that the flickering of his eye was a very persistant and visible pulsing of the organ. His flesh had been rotting before your eyes and you have no idea on how to help.

"What serum?" Your voice rushes, eyes looking at him as your hands measured the temperature of his forehead, burning.

"Shimmer." His voice croaked, no longer the energy for an angry growl. You take a sharp breath

"And the injector?"

"Made to deliver the shimmer directly in my pupil, it had a circular tubing around it to help place it around the eye." He pants a bit, closing his good eye to try to focus on anything but the pain. "I normally need one injection per day" And at that you were back up, telling him to eat without you.

"You still havent told me about-" He starts, scrambling on the bed to reach you, his voice breaking, tears clinging to his lower lashes, yet you cut him off.

"I'm not letting you know news about your daughter while you're agonizing, I'm not a monster. But just know that for now, she's a fugitive."

Closing the door behind you, you rush as much as your twisted ankle can permit you, stinging pain eating at every single one of your steps while youcut through town, goin to see an old connection of yours. Samira was a pharmacian, one of the rare ones down here in the Undercity, her pharmacy more akin to an apothecary shop yet her products were proven to help and provided whatever relief you seeked. If anyone had to have proper uncut shimmer, it was her. And you were right, as you explained your conundrum to Samira she nodded and handed you a dozen of vials. "Free of charge" as the eye of Zaun had died, she had said huffing out a laugh at the Irony, but as you shoved them in your coat pockets hurriedly she asked if you were alright.

"I'm managing." Was all you answered before high tailing it for your shop, leaving her in the dust.

The hearth was burning bright as you lit it, pondering how to go about making his injector. You couldn't make one from scratch, it would take too long and you shivered as you thought back of the fact he had hidden the fact his flesh was rotting away. He had been in horrible pain, adding up day after day, effects piling up as he curled up on his own. And you felt for this man, although it was misplaced pride he was still clinging to the last thing allowing him control: himself. And there, in your bed, weak and helpless albeit still fighting for the last shred of his integrity, you had recognized the man you admired as a child, the look in his eyes as you mentionned his daughter had been fiery. Even if he was in pain he was still doing all he could, although he couldn't move, he was still holding on. And as you picked spare parts in the back of the shop and set them on the anvil, you decided that as long as he was with you, you'd provide him with all the help he needed. Even if he never came back to the young revolutionary he once was, even if he remained the stubborn mean bastard he was now, even if he left, what you saw today was a lonely man. His eyes, his voice, you knew that look more than anyone. It's the one you had, surrounded by people yet never truly feeling like you fit in no matter what you did.

So as you heated up the metal parts and assembled them together you allowed yourself to think back to that loneliness. The one that makes everything feels transactional, like you can only be loved if you provide, the crippling pain of seeing others have friends and family while companionship of any kind terrifies you to the core, like it was a starved beast ready to gnaw you alive, from your skin to your flesh and even your bones. It's that loneliness that mixes with the sleepless nights, haunted by visions of horror as if you were in a fancy Piltovan cinema, locked in a theater of your own demons while the film rolled indefinitely. The one that leaves your throat and skin raw as you scream and claw at your skin, hoping to wash and expell away any ounce of pain you feel, but it's never enough, so you never scream again and encase your heart in molted iron, letting it cool into a spiked shell. The look Silco had in his eyes, the tone in his voice, you felt for him because you were the same, and you knew he'd reject you, but you were willing to try to help him. It was selfish, you knew as much, but you had been someone good for others for almost a decade, shaping yourself into someone accepted and beloved yet nothing could bring you close enough to your people no matter how much you loved them and how much they loved you. Because there was always a part of yourself you hid, an ugly past that you didn't wish to unhearth in fear of your house of cards crumbling down. Yet the need for emotional closeness intrinsic to human beings ate at you day after day. And maybe it was foolish to think that by helping Silco you could help yourself too, and it disgusted you to think that you had maybe expected something from him after all even if unknowingly, but you were willing to try, even if he was the only one benefitting from it at the end.

A couple of hours had passed by the time you finished the injector, rushing back home ignoring your own pain again in favor for helping the man in your appartment, as you have done for the past two weeks. Door slamming open and shut as you hurried your limping form upstairs, Silco crumpled on the bed, curled up on himself. And when you touch his shoulder he reels back, as if your touch had branded him. His eyes were angry, confused and pained, cheeks painted with bitter sweat and salty tears as blood dripped from his bitten lips, his arms and ribs marked with half moons. He had been hurting himself, to forget the pain you wager, of his condition and of how in the span of so little time all he has worked towards for crumbled to dust. And as one of your hands goes to your coat pocket to retrieve the injector and one tube of shimmer.

"I did all I could, do you want me to let you do it on your own?" You say softly, hand caressing his before raking some of his sweaty, messy bangs back to the crown of his head and away from his eyes. As my hand leaves his burning face he grabs it and sits up.

"What happened to Jinx?"

"Silc-"

"What happened to her?!" A gasp escapes him at his own raised voice as he falls back on the pillow, writhing in pain yet tensing to not let it appear quite as much, the concern and anger in his tone and mannerisms still very present.

"She..Shot the Council, three councilors dead, a Zaunite civilian aswell, the co-creator of Hextech I believe, she's now considered an enemy of Piltover and will be hunted down. It happened the day you nearly died." I sigh, my hand turning in his, entertwining our fingers and squeezing, hoping to bring any measure of comfort. "Silco you're torturing yourself, take the shi-"

"I need to go back to Jinx, she needs me." His voice cracked, his waning strength pushing you away as he stood up, knees buckling under him before you caught him in your arms, his extra weight making you taste the violent crack in your ankle.

"Haven't you done enough Silco?" You ask gently as you set him back down. "That girl is already haunted enough as it is, don't you think it's better to not appear to her again, that it's time to let her go? You'd be another ghost to her, and in the state you're in now you'd die in front of her again by the time you got to her."

"You don't know what's best for-"

"I may not know what's the best for your daughter but you do, and you know as well as I do that coming back will only hurt her further. You have nothing anymore Silco, how can you expect to be someone she falls back to? How can you expect to be a good father if you're not even the man she knew?" His anger is evident on his face, and you're understanding of why, it wasn't the lack of refusals towards him in the past few years that provoked his rage, no it was that he realized how the little control he believed he still held had been gone, and that the words you uttered were nothing but the unfortunate truth.

"I don't mean to hurt you, all I want is for you to be back up and running, and happy if that's even possible, but let me ask you that. Is your past life really worth you rushing back to? The senseless violence and drugs you dealt to your own people, an empire brought forth by our brothers and sisters you've subdued, greedy, stupid and distrustful collegues that wait for any occasion to stab you in the back no matter how loyal they may seem. We've all heard of Jinx, if we haven't dealt with her first hand, do you really believe a good father would have weaponized his daughter, Silco? Had you been a good father, would she have even been there and done what she's done? You've been the best father you could be, but blinded by your own trauma and ambition you've used the girl's affection to further your own agenda. Look at yourself, alone and destitute, and no one brought it upon you other than yourself, Silco."

"We've grown up in a world were there was never enough for everyone. I was trying to pull us out of the depths Piltover dragged us in but I don't expect you to understand, child." He all but spits.

You sigh, placing the injector and shimmer on your desk, sitting on the bed next to Silco who was shaking, rage and a maelstrom of other feelings emanating from him, swirling like a destructive tornado as his eyes ripped you apart.

"We've grown up in a world where there wasn't enough to go 'round for everyone, but have you made it any better? Or have you just capitalized on our pain, profitted on the fear and violence you brought forth? All you've done was make Zaun an enterprise and still saying it was for all of us, but you lost all of that years ago haven't you, you fought for all of us even when you've lost the plot. You're a lonely, terrified and pained man hiding behind a façade of control you've carefully built over the years, but that pain only grew hasn't it? So you tried to make yourself into the monster every Piltie sees in all of us so their attention is diverted to you, you shouldered all of the responsabilities in Zaun, you've raised a child, and you've still failed in all of those! Your façade terrifies even your own people, your empire toppled over and your child's crazy! You make everything worst by clinging to it, trust me, sometimes it's better to just let go. "

You breathe heavily, gulping as your hands gripped the bed, sheets crumpled in between your fingers. A thud resounds through the room and looking behind you, you see Silco sitting up with his back against the wall, his bi colored eyes looking to the copper tool and the glowing purple vial. The rage softening slowly, the chipped teeth showing from his angry snarl now hidden behind the curtain of his lips. He breathes heavy and shivers, pain mixing with emotions he seems too overwhelmed to even try to understand. But then his good eye opened a bit more, no longer hiding the tumultuous ocean within his teal iris as it looks from you to the table on which are placed the objects he needed. A silent invitation, you decypher. And so you nod, your lungs heaving as you bring the shimmer and injector to the poor man beside you. Your eyes meeting his again, all the energy and the fight had left him, there sat Silco in what you surmised was his purest form, tears flowing down his cheeks, eyes so pained you felt like you were about to double over. His jaw was clenched and his lips pulled in a sneer, the usual rage nowhere to be seen, it was something more visceral this time. And as you went to give him the material he shook his head, his arms crossing across his chest, nails digging to the sides of his arms.

So you approached slowly to not agitate him any further, he looked troubled enough as is. You looked at him every step of the preparation, putting the vial in the contraption, unlocking the needle cap, and placing the cylindrical apparatus to his eye to stabilize your hand, giving him a chance to back down everytime. But he never did, and once you injected the product, his form crumpling in pain, you realize just how vulnerable he had allowed himself to be. Your thumb wiping away a purple tear, the same purple tainting the burning orange of his ruined eye, before he slaps it away and turns his back to you, laying down. His body was no longer shivering and from what you had seen neither was the unblinking black and orange gem adorning the left side of his face. Understanding he needed space after that, you left the vials and injector and went downstairs, showering before you crumpled in the couch you've been sleeping in for the past two weeks, curling up on yourself.

The days are long after that, no more words uttered between you two, a tense and overwhelming silence taking over your appartment, he still only ate whenever you were away and you grew more restless but you understood. He needed time, to digest the hard truths, to take a good look at himself and wonder what he was doing to himself, what he had done to himself, and what he would do with himself later on. You knew that confusion better than anyone, and as you remember the feel of your bruised and ruined hands, the sounds of screams and cheering, the stench of corpses, booze and sweat, the taste of blood and tears. You've become someone good, helpful and, you hoped, worth knowing. But in whichever future you imagined it was always lonely, no one waiting for you at home, no friends close enough to you to know everything, a void still ripping your chest apart. He had lost himself for some reason, but you could only imagine the crippling loneliness he felt was why he clung to his dream so hard even after diverging from it, why he clung to the comandeering façade he had created, why he clung to his daughter like a lifeline. Because they were the only thing that reminded him he was alive and human at all. Just like helping people no matter the cost has been what kept you going.

One day after work, your body heavy and dragging as you moved, you brought up his dinner as always, expecting him to barely look at you, chilling eyes sizing you up as you left. But when you began to retire his hand caught your wrist, dragging you to the bed, tray discarded on your desk.

"Would letting her go truly be the only good thing I can do?"

His voice, rough from unuse, breaks the silence. Its low rumbling leaving a crackle of electricity behind it.

"I believe so." Is the simple answer you give.

"I would have nothing left."

You shake your head, freeing your wrist and laying your hand upon it on the bedsheets. "You'd still be alive, there's a chance for you to build something. You've forgotten yourself Silco, you've locked who you truly are away for too long. I think it's time for you to redescover yourself."

"Do you know who you are?" And at that you chuckle and shake your head again a soft "no" escaping your lips, your eyes gently raking over his form which was much healthier now that he had his medicine. "Then how do you-"

You interrupt his angry inquiry. "Because I know what I'm not. Do you?" And he freezes, his scowl softening as do his eyebrows, his eyes looking past you and through you to see something you cannot.

"The Eye of Zaun, the Industrialist, they're gone." He breathes out roughly, one hand dragging through ink black and soft silver, and when arrived at the back of his head the hand tugs as if to bring his focus back. You nod, they had died a month ago, both of them, and as his eyes looked down to your linked hands you feel like that realization finally weighs in on him.

"You asked me when you woke up what I wanted from you. I've said that I only wanted you healthy, but I suppose I can't in good conscience continue to lie." He freezes and his eyes snap back to yours, hand gripping yours in a vice, not in anger, in something deeper, more all consuming. And you know that from the way the air shifts and his face twitches, like a child terrified of getting struck. "I did want your health to return to you, but I suppose I also didn't want to be alone anymore. People suffer in Zaun, that much is a fact for all of us, but I have seen things and done things, I've lived through events that molded me against my will. Events that most would not understand no matter how much they care. So I remain surrounded but alone, never truly myself with anyone. I guess, knowing parts of what happened to you, deep down...I hoped we could be friends. So I decided to be good to you no matter how bad you could be to me, as I always do, and even if you end up leaving I'll be glad if you at least felt cared for. Because I believe that no matter how well you hide it, you feel alone too."

Eyes lock and his hand relaxes, his eyebrows twitch and his eyes flutter around your face, digging for any hidden viciousness, for any burried intentions, but he finds none. You can see it in the drop of his tense shoulders, in the slow breath coming out of you.

"And you think I'd understand?" He drawls softly.

"I know you would, whether you want to or not. But you have a choice to stay or leave, I will never keep you against your will. As soon as you're good to go, feel free to do whatever you want."

"I'm not a good man."

"People can change, the question is whether they're willing to or not."

Silence ticks by, food untouched as you shift on the bed thinking the conversation is over, yet Silco's hand drags you back down.

"And you're willing to try?"

"Of course."

"It would be rotten work." The words spill from his lips before he can even think of a less emotive answer and your head shakes yet again. You set yourself next to him on the bed, enjoying the plushness of the mattress for the first time in weeks.

"Never to me. It's my job to fix things after all, no matter how battered, broken and unusable, no matter if the process is long, complex, or if I get hurt in the end."

Your hand quits his as it and its twin burrow in your pockets, procuring a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. You place two rolls of paper and tobacco between your lips, lighting them with a flick of the thumb, opening the silver rectangle which provided a large flickering flame. You take one cigarette between two fingers and show it to Silco, asking for a truce of sorts. His hand hesitates, yet shivering fingers find your question and accept its terms, the filter that had previously surrounded by your lips now enclosed between his.

"I don't think I ever had a friend." Your voice softly says, expelling smoke as you broke the comfortable silence, eyes looking up at the ceiling. You see him nod from your peripherals, his head leaning back to do the same as you.

Everyone needs to be drunk on something to stay alive.

And albeit differently, for the both of you it was affection.

prev || m.list || next

Taglist: @vicurious28 @midromiell @zorosleftmantit101 @anthy-j-ander @agathasslutt

[whousestypewriters]

──── ୨ৎ IM A FAN — GRAYSON HAWTHORNE + READER ‧₊˚

a/n: hi lovelies! look its my first smau/fic (on this acc) and since i love making them here we are :))) hope you enjoy <3 sorry if this is too long btw. i need a grayson guys... maybe a possible series?!?!

grayson hawthorne was bored okay? he was bored, and for a man like him to be bored literally nothing must be happening. so how i hear you ask did he end up on the youtube page of a very popular booktuber? he blames xander, for watching her on the tv curled up with max earlier today. something about you.. intrigued him.

he stared at the account for the longest time before finally, finally clicking on your latest video about your fall tbr. and once he heard your voice it was like he was in a trance. the calmness of the video, your narration and the way you spoke to the viewers made him feel as if he was sitting there next to you on your bed.

he never watched this type of thing. he never really watched stuff at all. but suddenly here he was binge watching every single one of your videos. it was as if he had no control over himself and he just wanted to continue to watch them for the rest of the day.

by the time he had realised how late it was, it was dark out and the time read 6:43am. it must've been the delusion that made him type out the comment, or the fact that he hadn't actually slept yet. but either way he made a comment and that, that was the beginning of the start of everything.

────

you screamed. you actually screamed when you saw the comment on you post. grayson hawthorne??? the grayson hawthorne had watched your video? holy mother of-

the hawthorne's were notorious, all of them were, but grayson, he had the largest fanbase. the most obsessive one. the one with the girls that go crazy over anything and everything about him. its insane to think that he had commented on your video.

you thought it might've been just a once off. y'know he was just scrolling on youtube - yeah right thats not believable at all - and he happened to stumble across your video?

or maybe it was xander, he's followed you for a while actually, occasionally commenting and flirting with max in the comments. maybe he put grayson up to it. a once off.

so grayson commenting on your video really meant nothing - lies it meant everything - nothing, it meant nothing. who even cares? you definitely don't.

────

yn.books

liked by alya.green, maxine.liu.loo graysonhawthorne and 346, 282 others

yn.books what are you reading right now? (psst the book of the month is divine rivals by rebecca ross!)

view all comments

user1 the book queen posted!!!

user2 i bought divine rivals yesterday can't wait until my copy comes!!

user3 i died when i read the end 😭 roman and iris my babies

user4 OH OH OH GRAYSON HAWTHORNE IN THE LIKES??????

user5 RIGHT AND AFTER HE COMMENTED ON HER VIDEO A FEW WEEKS AGO

graysonhawthorne would you recommend divine rivals?

yn.books yes 100% its such a lovely read i definitely recommend you read it!

user6 GRAYSON??????????? GRAYSON??????

user7 GRAYSON HAWTHORNE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?????

────

"you bitch!" your best friend's voice fills your apartment as she rushes inside and stops dead in the living room. "why am i only now just finding out that grayson hawthorne comment on your posts?"

the murderous look on her face has you siting up quickly putting your book down on the couch. "...because i didn't tell you?"

"its the grayson hawthorne. i cannot believe that grayson hawthorne is commenting on your posts!" alya's harsh look turns gleeful as she rushes towards you and jumps on the couch - careful not to land on your book - and sidle up next to you to gossip.

"so why do we think he's interested in you all of a sudden?"

"he's not interested in me, alys."

"nope, he commented on your insta and your youtube, you're one step away from a marriage proposal now- hey, what type of wedding do you want?"

"we don't know, it could be xander's doing or even max's."

"nope you're gonna have kids together i can feel it."

"alya green-"

"OH MY GOD!!!!" she screeches jumping up and down. "OH MY GOD!!"

"WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?" you shriek back.

"LOOK!" she's grins shoving her phone into your hand

────

graysonhawthorne

liked by thehawthorneheiress, thexanderhawthorne ticking.time.bomb and 3, 622, 484 others

graysonhawthorne 🏛 💭 📖

view all comments

user1 OOHHHHHHHHHHH

user2 im giggling so hard rn i love this man

ticking.time.bomb why the sudden interest in reading gray?? 🤨 i saw the divine rivals copy in your bag

thexanderhawthorne THIS IS WHY HE HAD THAT BOOK?? gray are you trying to steal my book girl?

maxine.liu.loo excuse me she's my book girlie. not yours i just let you borrow her

user3 oh he's obsessed

user4 wish that was me fr

user5 i want himmmm

user6 the book girlies and the grayson girlies really won today

────

"grayson hawthorne," the sound of jameson's voice was never welcome in grayson's bedroom and clearly by the tone of his voice; this wasn't going to be good.

"when were you going to tell me that you picked up a fictional book? he paused. "even more so, when were you going to tell me that you got said fictional book from a 'book queen' of youtube."

grayson paused his reading and put down his copy of divine rivals, to look at a smirking jameson at his doorway.

"leave, jameson."

"okay gray, but let me know how your book goes, i hear it has a really shocking ending," jamie smiles and slowly walks away, calling out to xander to talk about books.

okay maybe his actions were a little out of character, but he wanted to understand what you were going to say in the next video. he wanted to be in the loop, to undertand what you were talking about.

he wanted to have something to talk to you about.

𐔌 . ⋮ 🏷️ tags .ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱

@arqbella, @midiosaamor, @maybxlle @reminiscentreader, @ecliphttlunar,

@tornqdowarnings, @catapparently, @zenikswaffleshop, @off-to-th-r4aces, @emila07

[arrowheadedbitch]

Okay, I've officially seen the Mephisto death scene (though not the actual episode it happens, what can I say, I'm bad about seeking out spoilers) and I have to say, I'm not convinced.

You're seriously telling me that they killed off a fan favorite character and WEREN'T planning to reveal that he survived in the next season they thought they were getting? Don't make me laugh. It is shown time and time again that the twins have a teleport away spell, it's a perfectly planted scapegoat to explain how he got away! Even from the first episode, we see the twins teleport away just as a blast is about to hit them, I don't think this is any different.

I am ONE HUNDRED percent sure the plan was to reveal Mephisto was never dead and I have a knack for calling this kind of thing so just trust me, all right?

And this isn't just denial talking, could that blast have killed him? Yeah. But, he's not only a fan favorite character that many watchers liked more than the PRINCESSES, the perfect way for him to escape has been planned since his introduction!!

But, Praxina was clearly meant to be the villain in season 3, fighting Iris since she blames her for her brother's death, right? Yeah but that doesn't mean he's actually dead, just PERCIEVED dead

An explosion like that? There wouldn't really be any suspicion if they couldn't find his remains since he got magically blown up, there's no way to prove he died and since Prax literally watched him sacrifice himself for her, she would assume he was dead even if she couldn't find any evidence because...why wouldn't you? He exploded and didn't come back right away.

So where is he? Obviously, we don't know this since we didn't get season 3 but I'll share my guesses on the matter

1. He could be in a different kingdom

It's possible but I don't see it being what actually happened but him turning up in the kingdom of a princess who didn't help fight Gramorr and doesn't know who he is with amnesia and being her jester or something for a few episodes could be fun

2. He's at down near the wreckage where he supposedly died

He didn't have to have teleported far to have survived, and we don't know if anyone went down there to try and recover his remains, he could just be at the bottom and unconscious

3. He's in some random human's house

He teleported to earth with amnesia, some nice human took him in, probably a character who's just being introduced at the start of s3, and is nursing him to health as he tries to remember who the heck he is. I always liked how Mephisto had more knowledge about earth and humans in general than Prax so I'm not sure how I'd feel about this one to be honest

4. He's passed out in the woods

He teleported to earth, landed in a random forest near the cave the twins usually hang at, maybe unconscious, maybe just injured, maybe with amnesia, either they find him completely KO'd or he's living in the forest when they find him

5. He's in the cave

We have no reason to think Prax checked the cave the twins typically stay at, maybe he went there and passed out or something

6. He has amnesia

He's literally wherever and has amnesia, it's a classic. this would likely be thematically compared to when *Praxina* got amnesia and turned good for a while, temporarily forgetting who Meph is. Yes, I am aware of the overlap this has with other items on the list

7. He's low on magic

Maybe he used his last bit of magic to teleport away and with his current injured state he can't really do anymore, so he's stranded where ever her landed until he can get better, which is why he wasn't able to tell Prax he's okay

8. He's in a magic coma

I actually really like this idea. He teleported somewhere but he was injured and low on magic so he had to use an emergency spell to put himself into a magical sleep as he heals to, yknow, not die. He can be in any of the prior listed places for this, cave, woods, floor, I imagine the princesses would eventually find him and wake him up

These are the ideas I have right now

I imagine the conflict resolution would be a fight that is ended by Mephisto stopping Praxina and a reunion, as I can't really see Prax still wanting to fight LoliRock when she sees her brother safe and sound.

I can go more in depth on how I envision this going later but I have to get ready to go home now lol

[seecarrun]

My pal!!!!!! My friend!!!!!!! I'd like to tell you a beautiful little secret!!!!!! You want to know what that.....

Domesticabuseshipping is dead you genwunners!!!!!!!!!

Amourshipping is canon losers!!!!!

Ah man. Normally I would just delete this and go on with my day, as I am a whole ass adult with like, a husband and child and career and mortgage and shit, and I haven’t seen childish fandom bullshit like this since literally the 1990’s, and I have better, more important things to do with my life and you are just going to respond to this with the same repeated thing over and over again.

But luckily for you, said career is actually a kindergarten teacher, so I like working with sad and upset children.

Because honestly? I think that’s what this is all about. I think you are sad and mad and upset about how Serena’s character was wrapped up on the anime, and I think you have every right to feel that way.

I’m not a Serena fan, myself, but I have no ill feelings towards those who are. Love what you love, I say! I actually couldn’t get into the BW or XY anime, just not my thing, but I did start rewatching again at Sun Moon, and I can absolutely see why a Serena fan would be frustrated at how they ended things for her. Literally all the other traveling companions (save for May and Max, for obvious reasons with May’s Japanese VA) had a more significant wrap up with Ash than she did in the last season.

Misty and Brock both got the whole Aim to be a Pokemon Master thing, Dawn came back to watch Ash complete during the World Coronation and cheer him on, Iris was IN the World Coronation thing as a gd champion!!

Serena got an episode, and she didn’t even interact with Ash in it hardly at all. She spent the whole time with Chloe, and only saw him in passing when he walked past her to get on the boat at the very end. There was no blushing, no love confessions, neither the kiss nor Sarena were eeever talked about again. She got a non speaking cameo watching him against Leon along with the others and that was it. I have my own opinions as to why the writers did that, but that is neither here nor there, that’ll be a post on it’s own.

But that’s frustrating! I totally get that! She was the only traveling companion to kiss Ash, surely that means something and she’ll be brought back or brought up and she and Ash will be together forever!

But nope, pokemon isn’t that kind of anime. It and Ash’s journey ended with just him and Pikachu running off into the sunset, with Gary, if we’re being honest, as probably the most significant human to him in the end (as it should be, my old ass genwonner heart LOVES how Gary was there at the end living in Ash’s head rent free lol).

So I do get why you are upset and lashing out. I think it’s dumb and immature and annoying, but I get it.

My parting wish for you is hope that you’ll realize that literally no Ash ship is canon; his time in the anime is done and he ended up with no one, and that is simply okay because it’s pokemon and romance in that show has literally never been the point. I hope you keep on loving your favorite characters and ships and that you let everyone else enjoy their’s.

Buuuut let’s be honest, I know that you are just going to ignore everything I wrote and keep doing this same shit, but it was worth a shot, right? :P

I hope you have the day you deserve. <3

[kittyundercover1]

List of Wild Kratts stories and AUs (featuring my WK OCs) that have been brewing in my mind for years:

1. Four Leaf Clover

My main Wild Kratts OC story! It’s uploaded on Wattpad and AO3.

The story follows a young botanist named Clover Hallows as she encounters the Wild Kratts followed by her silly little adventures with them. There’s action, adventure , romance, the perfect silly OC story for any silly OC fan.

2. Frozen AU

No surprise that it’s already been done in the fandom, but I just wanted to add my OCs into it.

Anna: Clover

Elsa: Iris

Olaf: Aster

Hans: Martin

Kristoff: Chris

Sven: Jimmy Z

Basically the story of Frozen, but with Clover, Iris, and Aster as Anna, Elsa, and Olaf.

I had no other thoughts to make Martin the bad guy (Hans) unless I have the role to Zach. Otherwise, Clover x Zach would have to be a ship to deal with—

Although I am always up for some potential Clover x Martin moments.

3. Multiple Swap AUs

At this point, I got a swap AU for a swap AU, so I’ll categorize them as simply as I possibly can

Clover and Aster 🔁 Chris and Martin

Clover, Iris, and Aster with swapped roles of each other (Iris as Aster, Clover as Iris, Aster as Clover, etc). There’s two versions of this

Clover, Iris, and Aster 🔁 Aviva, Koki, and Jimmy Z

4. Villain Clover AU

From what I’ve previously written down:

Clover becomes corrupted and turns into a villain. From an experiment gone wrong by Zach from him capturing her, she feeds into all her anger, struggles, and frustration in her life and almost overthrows Zach’s company.

She eventually has more power than him and even has a few robotic henchmen and gadgets of her own. All of which she makes Zach create. All she does is customize and design it with her signature flowery patterns and designs.

The Wild Kratts crew try their best to save Clover, but every time they intervene, they stray away from her. Iris and Aster eventually learn their sister is now evil and tries helping the Wild Kratts crew the best they can as an aspiring businesswoman and basketball player.

Seven is better than one.

Probably might end up changing the concept until it’s something I like.

I made a playlist on Spotify for it that’s a WIP.

5. Clover Dies AU (Major Character Death AU)

Aka my attempt at making an angst story:

After a fatal Creature Adventure leaves Clover dead, the Wild Kratts crew and her family grieve over her death.

I suppose each chapter or story dives into the crew and her family’s feelings. Plus I had an animatic idea for Aster’s chapter.

I also made a playlist for this on Spotify that’s also still a WIP

6. College AU

I don’t know HOW this is gonna work considering their ages, but imma try to make it make sense.

Clover:

- Freshman

- Majoring in botany. Minoring in chemistry

Iris:

- Senior

- Majoring in business management. Minoring in economics

Chris:

- Freshman

- Majoring in biology

Martin:

- Senior

- Majoring in zoology

Aviva:

- Sophomore

- Majoring in engineering

Koki:

- Sophomore

- Majoring in cybersecurity

Jimmy:

- Freshman

- Majoring in aviation

Aster:

- Sophomore (IN HIGH SCHOOL HA)

- Still wants to become a basketball star

I also like considering this an unofficial story to how Chris and Clover met, how the Wild Kratts would eventually form, etc.

7. The Fresh Beat Band x Wild Kratts AU

I absolutely loved watching The Fresh Beat Band when I was younger. If you never heard of them, it’s a show of a fictional band that aired on Nick Jr.

There’s also an animated spinoff called Fresh Beat Band of Spies, but I haven’t had the time to rewatched it yet. Once I do, I’ll probably add more onto the AU.

Anyways, I’m binging the original show and having multiple fixations at the same time (aka me on a normal Tuesday), I’m like “how can I make this about the Wild Kratts and my OCs?” And behold, this AU was born:

Jimmy Z - Twist (yellow guy)

Aster - Shout (orange guy)

Aviva - Kiki (pink girl)

Koki - Marina (blue girl)

Their roles fit SO well.

Final thoughts:

Let me know if you have any questions or thoughts about my Wild Kratts AUs. I’d love to expand on them someday and I just love rambling about my OCs and stories as a whole. My ask box and DMs are always open!

[ryqfaeh]

THEORY OF TEASER POSTER 2.0

[ Theory 2.0 - 3rd Teaser Poster ]

[ Target:Ali ] = has been found/acquired ‼️

Let's talk about this together — ! ✨🔥

1. HIDE AND SEEK / I SPY GAME

In this theory, I consider this as something that relates to a game of hide and seek or I Spy game.

Which means Ali must search for Neonymus's whereabouts and finally find him (Neonymus).

2. ALI'S EXPRESSION

His expression is a reflection of how he is feeling at that moment.

Feeling annoyed, fed up, and resentful.

He was already tired of Neonymus's extreme games and teasing, which were testing Ali's patience.

ALI : Enough with this game, or you'll regret it!

3. IRIS RECOGNITION SYSTEM

From this POV, Neonymus is using advanced advice that can detect and recognize the person's identity through iris (👁️).

And, Neonymus sets Ali as his target (and opponent) to play this game together.

4. ⚠️ TARGET FOUND ⚠️

A difference between "Target Found" and "Let's Play" words color.

RED = Warning - Alert / GREEN = Active - Access Granted

TARGET FOUND is Neonymus's POV where he detected Ali's physical appearance during their gameplay.

5. SCOPE SIGHT VIEW

In the whole image, the scope sight view is focused on Ali meaning Neonymus aims Ali.

or

Ali finally found Neonymus's whereabouts and immediately grabbed the scope sight view of Neonymus to look at Ali directly.

6. "REVERSE" BINARY CODE

There are 8 reverse codes in total :

(Fixed - final)

00111000 01100001 01001110 01000001 01101010 00110001 00110100 00101111

= /41jANa8

( Binary Codes in the red circle )

7) CODE " /41jANa8 "

This isn't simply a code. We managed to uncover a hidden code, which is a link that leads us to a hidden message.

Crack code link : https://bit.ly/41jANa8

Final link : https://u.cubeupload.com/ne0nimus/m72UrX.png

And we got Neonymus's troll face.

8. ANOTHER HIDDEN MESSAGE FOR ALI or US?

Neonymus hides a secret message to make Ali aware of who he is to Ali.

or

Neonymus wants to remind us (EA fans) that Neonymus is still alive and will make a comeback to make a mess in EATM2.

9. EJEN ALI USED "OST S3 : HELP ME" IN INSTAGRAM STORY

"Help Me" probably stands for Ali who needs immediate help to solve the game but, no one helps him.

In the end, he began to find a dead end to solve the answers and puzzles.

10. FACIAL RECOGNITION

Three square dots have been observed and they are known as facial recognition. (Red circle)

Specifically, Ali was identified as 'EJEN ALI - TEKNO' by these square dots.

11. (EXTRA) INVERTED VERSION

Me : How about I inverted the color? I wanna see what it looks like. Later… Me : WHAT THE NANI IS THIS?!!! It's getting creepy. Why am I doing this in the first place??? 😭😭😭

THEORIES & DISCUSSION ENDED

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fics Not Rated (2) Masterlist

part one

a teenage beauty queen of sorts (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: dan gets into the world of being a beauty guru, and phil’s just the cute admirer

Advent Calendar 2019 (ao3) - Phantje

Summary: Dan and Phil are best friends. Also, Dan loves Phil, but Phil doesn't need to know that, especially as it could unredeemably change their relationship. Also, Dan loves being part of Phil's daughter Ashley's life. As long as he can stay close to them and see them be happy, he should be fine.

When Phil asks him for a favour, Dan agrees without hesitating, unaware of how much a taste of his dream life would affect him.

Cold, Empty Mattresses and Falling Stars (ao3) - conshellation

Summary: 2009 au where phil and his family own a campground/cabins in an area that is known for stargazing and phil has lived his entire life there, therefore knowing a lot about stars. dan and his family come from the city to said campground because dan is a nerd and asked to come there for his birthday.

Dan’s Plants (ao3) - amazingdalien

Summary: Dan owns a plant store. Phil keeps bringing back his dead plants.

DreamCasts Presents (ao3) - SummerFlingsAndThings (QueenJunoTheGreat)

Summary: Phil's son is obsessed with the faceless man who narrates audiobooks.

Dan's daughter is obsessed with the brightly dressed librarian in charge of the children's department.

And Dan and Phil? Well, they're a little obsessed with one another.

endings, endings, beginnings. (ao3) - commonemergency

Summary: A lot can happen in eleven years, he said, finishing his cup of coffee. Dan and Phil had lived a full life. It wasn’t always happy, but nothing can ever truly be happy, but it was finding the happiness and the light in those dark places.

Exposed (ao3) - breatherepeat

Summary: The video is posted and the truth is out to the world. Dan continues on his journey to self-acceptance and love.

Friends won't treat me like you do (ao3) - Mangomelions (orphan_account)

Summary: Phil pretends to be Dan's boyfriend to stop a creepy guy hitting on Dan. The lie escalates and they decide to keep it up for a while. How long can they keep pretending?

HOT TO GO! (ao3) - ae121

Summary: Dan loves his roller skating job where he gets to sing and be silly.

He loves his boyfriend Phil, even more.

I Dare You To Stay (ao3) - realityfallsapart

Summary: Dan Howell is a barista working a shitty job, frequenting his shitty apartment, and living a shitty existence, hiding his asexuality and going for a PHD in self-depreciation and depression. Phil Lester is a part-time intern, part-time employee at a local weather station, trying to get experience in his field and make a name for himself, while juggling a second job at the nearby Tesco's to give him some financial breathing room. Their paths were never supposed to meet, but what happens when they do anyways, one rainy day in Manchester?

I Don’t Wanna Think of Anything Else (Now That I’ve Thought of You) (ao3) - danscardigan

Summary: Dan and Phil meet and fall in love, all in one night.

I Don't Want the World to See Me (ao3) - Mysticallykai

Summary: Dan and Phil's first meeting, based off of Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.

Dan hasn't really accepted that he likes men, and Phil is incredibly patient with him. Smut, angst and fluff.

ilomilo (ao3) - oliblu

Summary: Dan's childhood best friend unexpectedly passes away, after returning home from the funeral, everything seems different. Is it just Dan's mind playing a devious trick on him or is his world truly falling apart?

Inheriting love (ao3) - Fictropes

Summary: Dan lives and works in a small village where everyone knows everyone. A place where everything is typical, until Phil comes along.

instructions unclear (ao3) - danisnotreadingfanfic

Summary: this came to me in a dream. i am sorry.

Kaleidoscope (ao3) - danisnotinteresting

Summary: A fan makes up a rumour about Dan which turns out to be true, he assumes Phil must of leaked this and becomes very distraught.

Knock Out (ao3) - Spring_Haze

Summary: Dan and Phil receive a boxing-related challenge while filming PINOF 10, and it inspires the couple to explore their kinks and have incredible sex.

Missing you (ao3) - roman (orphan_account)

Summary: Phil watched as the Skype call went through and Dan's beautiful, pixelated face showed up on his laptop. His smile was wide and he looked really happy, Phil missed seeing this side of Dan; he just missed Dan in general.

-

Phil is in Florida, Dan is not. Phil misses him

(more than just a) summer fling (ao3) - zsunsetz

Summary: dan howell absolutely despises the beach. but maybe a model called phil lester can help him out with that.

Naughty! Do Not Eat (ao3) - talentisntgenius

Summary: Why Dan Had To Call an Ambulance but it's parent!DnP

oh no (not now) (ao3) - kishere

Summary: It's the year 2013 and Phil, an omega, has an okay enough life. He's recently moved to London to pursue an opportunity to work for BBC Radio 1, he has a new flat, and his YouTube channel has been on an upswing. Sure, his heats are so inconsistent he finally had to ask his fiancé of five years, Dan, to help him through them so he could try and live a normal life. Which wouldn't be such an issue if Dan wasn't in love with Phil's hotter, tattooed twin, Dillon...

Somewhere Only We Know (ao3) - raisedufromperdition

Summary: The bench overlooking the lake in Central Park was the place Dan would go to lose himself in his thoughts and be alone. That is, until Phil Lester joins him one day, and suddenly Dan is no longer going to the bench to be alone. Suddenly the bench is where he gains a best friend, and where he falls in love.

SPI: A Dan and Phil Paranormal Investigator AU (ao3) - trancelover99

Summary: So I made a TikTok where Dan and Phil were Paranormal Investigators, and I decided to make an AU based on it.

The Cherry Blossom Secret (ao3) - BlueFox1319

Summary: A secret lies in this hideaway, for when an almost mad artist and a grief ridden photographer meet.

Their worlds could either wilt or bloom with unknowing enchantment.

To Live and Let Go (ao3) - raisedufromperdition

Summary: Upon his diagnosis of a terminal illness, Dan vows to spend the rest of his short life with Phil by his side, completing his bucket list while learning what it really means to live and love.

without saying a word (you had all of me) (ao3) - rainbowroshenpower

Summary: I trace it all back, three-thirty AM

That night, something turned in my heart

While you were sleeping, I fell in love

[dove00]

(I am not saying all shippers!!!! Didn’t put the whole ship names to keep it out of their tags)

Can we talk about it?

Let’s talk about how fans of (mostly white) queer ships (usually ships with two men) will ignore the important women in one or both of their lives.

Let’s use an example: there are multiple fanfics/AUs that are created that forgets Linda Park, leaves her out, or even kills her off for the sake of B*rdflash. (I acknowledge Dick isn’t white in comics canon but there is still misogyny there).

Another example: J*yRoy shippers (not all) have taken over the Lian Harper tag so much that you can barely find a CheshRoy post or a post of them as a family or a you know a post of Lian and her mother?!

Mention for Halb*rry fans who forget Wally is Iris’ nephew before she met Barry and just has her dead or not in the picture.

Hmm. Seems like a pattern.

[suzyq31]

Don't have a question. I am someone who follows all your stories and frequently comments. I'm dandelion or Brandie2007. Not sure how it shows up.

I tried to be as nice as possible on Reddit but ended up saying in a response that there are only a "few too comments being taken out of proportion" if it was worth losing who. Many feel are the two best writers in the Fandom.

I have no idea what the actual last book I read was because I always have so many amazing fics to read.

Your writing only deserves to get criticized if your a larger author. You do this for free although I will straight Up Venmo cash to get the rest of Found.

My comment for your last chapter is awaiting approval. I think... I know I got hyper. I'm just so PISSED off for you and that it has made you feel this way. You are so talented. I have no idea what they were complaining about on Discord but unless their father supposedly was the most famous modern wizard to ever live and then die in the final battle to miraculously return from the dead with a mom so heartbroken, she fled magic... They can shut the hell up. I am usually not a fan of all an authors fics, so I move on from it and praise the ones I do love.

I know BFL isn't yours and I feel that's one best read a couple of times. I appreciate ATFLG so much more because of it and I was emotionally ruined every morning before work.

Rereading the actual HP books as an adult is wild and Way more heartbreaking than as a child. My mind is bogged with how well Harry turned out after being abused... That's not realistic but it's a school about magic, I'll go with it and be pissed for him and mentally smack around Dumbledore every chance I get.

You're extremely talented. I feel you capture the 20-somethings versions very well that's honest and realistic. I'm so glad I got to communicate through comments with you. And if you think about writing, remember the comments like this. Those far outweigh the bad...

Thank you again!

I just saw your comment and responded! Yeah that is generally their party line from what I can tell. There is no accountability for the culture that is created in those spaces. Another frustrating bit is that I'm sure if any of the mods or their friends stories were spoken of that way, it would be shut down VERY quickly.

I had all the same feelings re-reading as an adult, especially now that I've experienced profound loss. Like I can't even think about Sirius on Halloween without straight up balling, or little Harry in front of the Mirror of Erised.

I'm working on a solution to share the ending of Found privately. Now that the pressure of no longer having to share in a space where the people going off on discord will see it, I feel a lot more freedom. Keep in touch. It may take me a few months, or the better part of a year if I'm honest. But I'll get Iris, Harry and Hermione the ending they deserve ❤️

[seas1mping]

Some Slendermansion headcanons because I was one of THOSE fans (I still am)

Holidays are a NIGHTMARE. Theres a list of names on the fridge that shows who does/does not celebrate what, which means that they do not want to be included in festivities.

They do bonfires for everybody to attend after the holiday itself.

There's a large fishtank against the wall that holds a real life mermaid (?!?!?!!!). Her name is Iris :) half of the fish tank has unremovable glass so that BEN doesn't have to be afraid of any splashing onto him.

The mansion itself has 3 floors, though it is rather dynamic in the sense that some rooms may appear and disappear depending on if they are needed or not.

Children, Slender's office, kitchen/living room, medical, and dining room are all located on the first floor

Most proxies, assorted small Pastas, and a couple guest rooms are all located on the second floor.

Pastas that require bigger spaces, such as those that harvest corpses, or those like Bloody Painter who require studios/workshops live on the top floor.

All in all there's only about 30ish residents of the Slendermansion.

Close to the mansion are additional cabins founded by other Pastas, such as Jason the Toymakers cabin located east of the mansion towards the lake, or Candy Pops hut, which is down towards the city.

Slender's territory stretches from the road between the forest and a small strip mall (which marks where Trendermans territory starts) and around a third of the forest itself.

The other two thirds are split between Splendorman and Offenderman, and in the dead center of the forest is a small play park where some of the child Pastas, or children that Splendor has "temporary custody" of hang out sometimes.

Slender has a meeting with his brothers twice a month to make sure everything is smooth, and a meeting with Zalgo twice a year to work out any issues between their treaty and their rules.

[morganaspendragonss]

I am not a fan of the secret marriage thing, but this show has proven me wrong in the past.

I am wondering if this is the case and he was married to Iris and he thought it was taken care of because she was presumed dead and then he had all the paperwork and everything completed but Iris never followed through on her end.

Also, if people are separated or in an open marriage or something, it’s not cheating. IDK why everyone is all caught up with cheating if there is a secret (or undisclosed for whatever reason) marriage.

if you are separated but still married or in an open marriage, you owe your current partner the truth, especially if you are planning to marry them. the legal complications alone would be insane, but maybe your partner wouldn't be okay with an open relationship? i know i wouldn't be happy if my fiancé sprung it on me in the middle of our wedding planning that they were in fact already married and they'd never said a word to me before. that's not the kind of secret you keep from your partner

i've decided i'm not going to believe it until i see it. and i hope to god i don't see it

[msmadhatter52785]

Reconnections chapter 2

Noah's P.O.V.

I hear her name and to be honest I am in shock not so much that she will be house sitting, but how the grip she still has on me all this time later. I tell Elijah I am driving as I grab my keys. We make it to the airport in no time it is strange how nervous I am about seeing her again. I help set up the car seat while Elijah goes on about something.

"Car seat is installed." I say while turning around and seeing her for the first time in 2 years. Her Black hair braided and piercing blue eyes contracting against her skin overall she looks just as stunning. No wonder Elijah does not introduce hair to many of his friends. Josephine starts to stir in Iris arms I step aside so she can out her into the car seat. A few minutes into the drive Josephine starts talking and somewhere during she says chicky nugs. I pull into a Chick-Fa-La, before Iris can protest and refuse because she will do that and drive me insane.

"Accept and don't be a pain or I will get the whole menu. I look her dead in the eyes through the rearview mirror." She puts her hands up in defeat. I order the food then continue driving to Elijah's house which is maybe 3 minutes away. Elijah takes Josephine and the food inside leaving Iris and I alone. She has been avoiding looking or talking it me since the airport.

Iris, please look at me at the very least. I say trying to read her as I grab the bags. She hesitates at first, but eventually looks at me while grabbing Josephine's overnight bag.

"How has touring been for you and the band?" She asks trying to put me at ease.

"It is amazing, but glad to be on break. Living on a bus and sleeping in a bunk after preforming takes its toll on a body. Yet it is still amazing to see fans so excited and having them sing your songs back to you is an incredible feeling."

She smiles softly at me when I finish talking. Even though we parted on shitty terms I know she wishes nothing, but the best for the band and I even though she doesn't know the guys. She opens the door to Elijahs and holds it open for me. I take this moment to assist in breaking the ice hoping it works.

The gentle man is supposed to hold the door open for the lady. I say jokingly.

She rolls her eyes and shakes her head slightly while biting her snappy come back,

"Next time I'll let you struggle to open the door and demand you open it for me." She replies annoyed with me. Progress, she is at least talking to me now vs total avoidance.

^&^&^ TIME SKIP 3 DAYS ^&^&^

[lightninggavemeabs]

S1E1 commentary cuz why tf not

okay who fucking knows if I'll keep up with this but I want to try it.

Season 1 is one of my absolute favorites, I think the storytelling is exceptional and it really set the foundation for the rest of the show. I've rewatched this so many times because I love it to death. I mean, right from the beginning. That intro sticks in people's heads. It's iconic. We see the flash running impossibly fast, and then cut to barry running pathetically slow. It's perfect.

The characterization of Barry Allen is subtle and immediate. We immediately get to see him interact with his coworkers, his superiors, in a way that shows his personality perfectly. He's clumsy, but brilliant enough to be kept around. He's a hard worker when he's not totally distracted. He's also a little bit goofy.

There's also the interaction between Iris and him in the lab where he tells her she looks amazing and for like half a second he has this disappointed look on his face that tells the audience everything they need to know and it's really a testament to Grant Gustins talent that we could get that information about their relationship in like two seconds.

Then of course we get Wellses speech, which I feel needs to commentary. We also get to watch our protagonist, our hero, fail to stop a crime. He gets his ass kicked and it's fun! Because we know what happens next, or most of us do.

It really amazes me how much of the storytelling in this show is dead silent. Barry walking around his lab, alone, listening to the news, looking at his murder mystery board, only for lightning to strike. It's the night that changes his life but it seems so innocuous.

And then we meet Caitlyn/Cisco who I immediately fall in love with because he's playing Lady Gaga for that guy in a coma that's just around?? for months??

And then when Barry's discovering his powers and he just starts running super fast through the city and crashes into some van? Not to mention: there is canonically a random laundry guy who knows who the Flash is. He saw Barry run and he saw his face. Really the most goated character because he doesn't say shit.

Also, there's the

Barry: You seem kinda depressed

Caitlin: because I am

it's something that definitely should make me laugh but I always have a little chuckle at it because it's like Barry, you dumbass.

I really love the music that's playing when Mardon shows Barry his powers.

Joe West ranting about how Henry killed Nora because he's so certain that nobody has any weird magical powers is so painful to watch sometimes, especially when Eddie comes up and confirms Mardon's alive immediately afterward. Yikes.

"You're not a hero, you're just a young man who was struck by lightning" - Wells Season 1

Okay, fuck these police officers who let a child sneak in and see his mother's corpse you're doing a bad job. Also, Joe is like, guess I'm a father of two now (oof)

And then the cut to him talking to the Arrow, because obviously he needs a mentor.

And the "Cool." "Cool." it's so lovely.

also "I am god" "Shut the hell up" IMPECCABLE

convinently knocking eddie out so Joe can learn about Barry's abilities. That was a plot concussion.

"he can do it, I know he can do it" because Cisco has always been Barry's biggest fan. Right from the beginning, he believed in the Flash. Do you think he knew what the flash would someday become?

and everyone smiling in the control room once mardon's dead. beautiful.

joe, with tears in his eyes, apologizing for not believing Barry for all those years, truly breaks my heart. Joe West, dadliest of dads. The conversation between Barry and Henry, too, is completely heartbreaking. Henry saying that Barry needs to stop worrying about him and live. It's beautiful.

"I've made some new friends" YEAH YOU HAVE BARRY.

and of course we end on the obligatory 'harrison wells is not who he seems' scene. this whole season is basically this happening. we also get our first glimpse of THE newspaper. this episode is an incredible start to an incredible season.

I think i'll do one of these on every episode i feel deserves one. I don't know how many that will be., Anyway I'm going to go try baking bread. See yall :)

[sparrowsabre7]

The Flash s09e09 - It's my party and I'll die if I want to Review

"The Flash"'s final season has largely been disappointing thus far. Much like "Supergirl's" it's full of somewhat baffling decisions and a keen interesting in focusing episodes on supporting characters rather than the show's lead. While excusable in "Supergirl's" case due to its lead being pregnant, "The Flash" has no such excuse, frequently ousting Barry to the background in many of the early episodes in favour of other show original/largely show original characters. In addition, ushering in a whole new character who is yet ANOTHER Snow sister/personality/whatever (who is actually a delight, but nonetheless a staggeringly perplexing move to introduce someone brand new for the final season played by the same actor), shelving Joe West only a few episodes in l, and rather wasting what could have been a truly terrifying villain in Red Death.

Still, there has been promise; the season opener went with a classic time loop but actually made for a pretty good watch in terms of grappling with Barry rushing to the expected future and Iris not wanting it planned out for them. The season has worked best when dealing with the personal issues of Mr. Allen and focusing on him rather than trying to speed run unearned endings for his supporting cast.

S09e09 actually does something very similar in that respect, it takes a tried and true villain of the week formula and uses it to centre on two Flashes' baggage, whilst also adding in a special guest appearance from Blorbow from my show.

Yes, "Oliver Queen is alive", but unlike other aspects of season his return is not handled too clumsily and manages to avoid feeling too forced while still delivering some fan-pleasing moments. My main concern with Oliver coming back would be that it would undo or otherwise take away from his send off in his own show. While it gets a bit handwavy the show manages to bs its way through an explanation as to why he can be back but can't stay back. This is still Spectre Oliver, and it's credit to Stephen Amell that he manages to deliver a performance that is 100% Oliver Queen, but distinctly the Spectre and not Green Arrow. At least in his first scene. Thereafter he's fully geared up in Green Arrow garb, and only able to use his fighting skills due to yet another piece of quantum babble, but to quote Diggle in this episode: "I don't care." It may be transparent fanservice but to see Amell suit up as the Green Arrow one last time is a delight and he (and his stunt team) have lost none of their fighting panache.

The show also takes the time to give David Ramsey's John Diggle some closure, giving him and Oliver the goodbye they deserved, after Dig lamented not being there for Oliver either time he died. I know I just said that it was a flaw of this series that it was spending too much time tying up supporting characters' stories and that should go double for those from an entirely different show but consider 1. I am a hypocrite and 2. shut up.

Despite all the fan pleasing moments, Oliver's return is not simply a gimmick and is in service to Barry's journey in the episode in dealing with his survivor's guilt, brought to the fore by Diggle's birthday gift for him: Oliver's bow, served with an unhelpful side of traumadumping. Maybe read the room before spouting off about how much you're still grieving your dead friend, Dig.

Oliver is thus the crux of this particular problem, his conversation with Barry helping to demonstrate how they both dealt with their grief and whether what they have done has made a difference. It echoes their conversations in "The Flash" pilot and "Elseworlds" and fits nicely here.

But Barry is not the only Flash dealing with emotional fallout. Seeking enlightenment, returning Keiynan Lonsdale - who at 32 has surely graduated to Man-Flash instead of Kid-Flash - is dealing with the injustice of his own troubled upbringing. Upon mentioning his emotional baggage to Barry, Barry - in a stunningly insensitive move for the "Paragon of Love" - responds by saying "what baggage?" followed by an implied "aren't you over that already?". For one largely cognizant of other's struggles, it feels like poor writing justifying conflict later in the episode.

The A plot ends up hinging on this, with returning villain Bloodwork, portrayed with delightful hamminess by Sendhil Ramamurthy, able to flex his acting muscles a bit more without being cloaked in voice distortion and cgi makeup as much as he was originally. His plan feels appropriately dangerous, in a rare example of a returning (half)season villain seeming to be as much of a threat in one episode as they did over a season. In terms of logistics it's pretty by the numbers: corrupt Flash's friends and family>use Wally's power to open the multiverse> take over multiverse with blood powers; but it fits here to keep the focus on the two Flashes emotional pain and also allow time for the guest star to shine.

It's not winning any awards, but it's still a thoroughly satisfying and sometimes affecting (if you're an "Arrow" fan) episode, and definitely the best of the season so far.

[kani-miso]

es (エス esu) is the protagonist of milgram and represents the viewers.

they are voiced by amami yurina.

an existence that can be viewed as the protagonist, or your representation. they woke up with their memories gone, and became the guard of milgram prison. with no memories about themself, they perform their duty as a guard without doubting their origin, as per jackalope’s instructions. es’ role is to decide whether the prisoner’s sins are to be “forgiven” or “not forgiven”. a fickle and beautiful figure, yet their gender is unknown.

i can atleast draw 103 es' a week. i love soldier like outfits. their hair is puffy and stupid, i love it. i cherish them in my very hands, holding them very gently. their very long robe alongside with their keyring, it just makes es, es. inside their robe is a dark purple color, it matches really well with the warm yet cold color scheme of their character. one of their sashes are a dull and dead color of gold, it reads 'de omnibus dubitandum (est)' which i really like. the other sash reads 'police officer' which references the fact that wardens and police officers are almost the same (wardens are peace officers). their eyes compliment the color of their uniform well. the choices the artist did for the eye color is amazing, the very dark color on the rop of the iris, a grey and dull color as the base, and a light blue as the bottom highlight, and a light orange-ish yellow as the top highlight. it all mixes so well. their character color is also so cool, the very vibrant red contrasting with the dull blue !!! the colors look similiar to the 'forgiven' and 'unforgiven' colors. they also have a third color which is their main color, dark green. dark green in japanese culture symbolises fertility, growth, youth, eternity, vitality and energy.

i used to struggle drawing their hat, but with a lot of practice i was able to master drawing it (anything for es (エス esu) milgram). their hat is sort of unique, it has little strips of gold hanging from it. if you look closely it's not connected to the hat, it looks just like the ceiling fan in their room.

the minigram one could just be a stylistic choice, who knows.

i am es' number 1 hater forever until the very end of my existence.

polarmary's poll made me curious so...

personally, i like drawing amane the most because she has a more simpler design than the others. i think she pretty much fits my usual artstyle too!

please feel free to explain! i'm just curious abt this haha