#if I somehow ship them too that will mean I ship Theon with 5 people

[scoruspio]

I read my second Reek chapter last night before going to bed, and it was the perfect way to end the day. It was beauty and grace, it was art.

All the dark little descriptors, the way he vomited after killing that iron born, how it had thoughts of Robb interwoven throughout the chapter - my little Lyanna Stark bish. When he walked into the hall, and kinda looked to see if he recognised anybody. How you could tell that he wanted to go home with the iron born men, or just anywhere else, I expect. The fact that he couldn’t even call himself Theon. Ahhhhhhh. No but SERIOUSLY.

His white hair and missing fingers and teeth. That he reassured them that Ramsay would send them home, that they thought he would. Even that one dude who got attacked by Ramsay’s dog!!!!

Ramsay fucking kissed Reek on the cheek. I feel like this was the biggest taste of Ramsay in the books yet. I also appreciate the little mentions throughout the books though

The fucking collar and that Reek’s sleeping with the dogs now.. so this is why people will often write Reek eating chicken whenever he eats in fanfic, lol.

And I’m finally gonna get to see his interactions with Jeyne Poole!!!

[danwhobrowses]

10 Things that would’ve Improved the Game of Thrones Final Season (For Me)

So it came to my attention that recently it was the First Anniversary of the Final Episode of HBO’s ‘Game of Thrones’. I was taken back to my memory of the BinGOT thing we had at work where we all made predictions of who lived, died and ‘won’ from the last ep (I was in 2nd or 3rd place). And since my mother has started binging it during quarantine I thought in the spirit of that environment I’d discuss a little what I would’ve changed in the final season.

Spoilers for Game of Thrones Season 8 Below, if you haven’t watched it then you’re better off not reading this frankly, if you haven’t been spoiled already at least.

So for starters, the final episode is not the worst tv I’ve ever seen, it just was a sloppy final season in general that really didn’t satisfy the 2 years of hype waiting for it, it’s like with the How I Met Your Mother finale, but that annoyance being more than one episode. But without further ado here are 10 things I would’ve changed about the final season Note: Most will involve the finale. The first 2 episodes were great.

10 - Ten Episodes The Long Night was 1 episode, the LONG NIGHT. A Culmination of the army of living and dead confined into one episode. One of the main problems with the final season was that the pacing was a bit rushed, it made character progression seem unnatural and dropped long-built plot points like water through a sieve. With 10 episodes, which was not a big ask given that this was the usual number and the gravitas of it being the final season would easily allow it to be green lit. D&D immediately backed themselves into a corner by giving a limit they weren’t used to and too much content to put in.

9 - Bite of the Spider Varys’ death was an upsetting start of the penultimate episode, while I would’ve loved him to have survived start to end and potentially ended on top (because he’s never shown to be as cunning or dangerous as he is in the books) there was some sense in him dying. However, Varys was shown sending a letter before his arrest and that never came back up, the finale could’ve used this by revealing to the public Jon’s true heritage, which would’ve immediately undermined Dany’s claim and set up a better conflict. Also we never knew what the voice in the flames said to him...

8 - A More Fitting Long Night While everyone probably popped hard for Arya killing the Night King, myself included, the nature of it was rather abrupt. I don’t think anyone can buy that she sneaked past that entire army. I do feel like the Night King was just a MacGuffin for the Long Night, given that he did so little in the actual fight. This is where a multi-part Long Night would’ve been key as well, going from the Night King being immune to Dragonfire to dying a bit later was not a good pace, and we lacked any conflict with Jon like we teased twice, Arya probably wasn’t the most poetic person to kill him either but GoT seldom did poetic deaths (Joffrey, Cersei, Euron). While the Long Night had exemplary deaths like Theon, Lyanna, Jorah and Beric, the Night King fell among the ranks of Melisandre and Edd in terms of meh deaths. The Long Night should’ve been a bigger bloodbath than it was, half the Dothraki somehow survived remember, we didn’t get to see Ghost fight at all either, no giant spiders, a lot of the tension was lost with the way some fight scenes were filmed; it was too easy to read between the lines and not enough characters had any true ‘oh god this person could die’ scenes.

7 - Resolution for the Characters we didn’t See and Plots unresolved With so much funding and finality in the show, there felt like there could’ve been more stuff that could’ve been resolved; what was the Quaith’s prophecy about? What really happened with the Doom of Valyria? Why does Dragonglass and Valyrian steel kill White Walkers? What is Daario doing after Dany died? Were the Faceless Men really that okay with letting Arya wander around knowing their skillset? Nobody hired them to help in the war either. What happened to the remnants of that warlock dude who stole the baby dragons, they sent one scorpion and that’s it, what happens with the Little Birds now that they’re leaderless? Who was Azor Ahai? What were the spirals about? There are a lot of questions the show kinda just, ignored. 

6 - The Mad Queen So, Dany going from ‘I’ll stop if they surrender’ to ‘Burn them fucking all’ was abrupt for many, the majority of fans were not ready or willing to accept turning on their Kaleesi in just one episode. While I could see the conclusion coming from being jumped, losing another ‘child’ and her closest friend as well as her new boyfriend being her nephew and a legitimate threat to her legitimacy despite already pledging fealty, Dany’s descent could’ve used more time, and less naivety.  While the death of the dragon was a huge shock, the idiocy fell on Dany in thinking that Cersei would play fair and wouldn’t try to occupy Dragonstone while she abandoned it. There also fell inconsistency when the same fleet and rows of Scorpion crossbows suddenly got Stormtrooper aim during ‘The Bells’. Euron is a renowned sailor, he ruined a Dornish fleet in a previous season, he may be an annoying bastard but you have to treat his naval tactics with a bit more respect - and make Dany less stupid with Cersei doing Cersei things. A lot of people definitely needed more time in buying the idea that Dany had lost her cool and that she blamed all of Westeros to justify burning everyone unashamedly.

5 - Proper Redemption We all know who we’re talking about. Jaime, Jaime, Jaime. In the end he just proved Olenna’s point didn’t he? And his turn away from redemption was only to serve as an example point for Tyrion to use to convince Jon to kill Dany. Jaime didn’t have to live, but he didn’t have to die rushing to Cersei’s rescue, or even due to Euron stabbing him. If anything Jaime should’ve died with some Honour, to be the inverse of Ned as he was presented in Season 1.

4 - My Lady does not have to mean M’Lady This is probably the most selfish ones of my 10 but as a shipper at my very heart and soul I wanted one, at least one, ship to survive this entire turmoil and Gendry and Arya were that couple. We almost had it as well, but then for some mad reason D&D decided that Gendry, despite literally saying that “none of it will be worthwhile if you’re not with me”, stayed in Storm’s End. Arya’s character endgame was right in her venturing off not being bound by the fact that she’s a noble, but Gendry spent a lot of time not caring that he was of Kingsblood to basically being his Father’s son. He’ll rule Storm’s End, marry some woman to have kids, but he’ll still have fallen into the same pit as King Robert did. It would’ve been much more satisfying and hopeful if Gendry abandoned the titles and land he never wanted or needed to accompany someone he loves and who loves him back on an adventure into the unknown. She’s not a ‘lady’ if she’s only marrying a blacksmith and love is the death of duty.

3 - Sansa is NOT Smart (and gets what she actually deserves) Right. So I really, really didn’t like Sansa. Like, I get it, she got held hostage by the Lannisters, watched her father get beheaded, got accused of murder, learned that her brother and mother died, watched the guy who fancied her mother and kissed her kill her aunt and then got effectively sold to an abuser in an arranged marriage. But Sansa is not the smartest player in the game, it was annoying that they tried to portray her as one, she had one idea that anyone could’ve told you ‘don’t be stupid against Ramsay Bolton’. She spent all of Season 8 mainly giving side eye like a petty bitch, completely trying to undermine Dany despite the two being very very similar (remember Dany was raped, sold off in an arranged marriage and watched family members get killed too) to the point where she was conspiring for Jon to usurp her. And in reality she took her ball and left, she was so pissy that the leaders didn’t pick her to be Queen of Westeros that she literally pointed out her own brother’s infertility, claimed that the North wouldn’t bow to a monarch, then declared herself Queen.  Hide the ‘Yas Queen’ goggles for a sec, this wasn’t empowering she was throwing her own brother under the bus because she wanted to be queen, and she learned far too much from Littlefinger and Cersei’s playbook to actually be a just one. The North is allowed to be an independent nation, but Sansa’s ‘victory’ was more earned by virtue of a lot of shit happened to her than her actually demonstrating qualities to be queen.

2 - Bran Stark can’t come to the Phone right now... While we’re on the subject of Stark children not being fit rulers, Bran. What a cockamamie decision that was. I was 100% behind the destruction of the Iron Throne, but the chorus of laughter with a democratic rule was a bit of a slap in the face. Of all the choices though, Bran had to be near the bottom, it felt completely unearned that he spent literal seasons disconnecting from the world even to the point where he told Meera and Sam that Bran Stark is no longer here anymore only for Bran Stark to magically resurface when a crown is in waiting. I think it defeats the whole Three Eyed Raven thing too, the guy isn’t really one for the people, which is the problem every other ruler before him failed at. If you can’t pick a just person to lead, then why not a council instead? Just using Bran was a poor and messy decision.

1 - THE MOTHERFUCKING VALONQUAR One of the few expectations across all of Game of Thrones was the wondering over whether Cersei was gonna get what’s coming to her, the Maggy the Frog prophecy was going along quite well up until the Valonquar bit, where the younger sibling that was going to choke the life out of her was: bricks. BRICKS! Of all the long-winded prophecy foreshadowings to drop this one was the worst, Cersei (and Jaime) died in underwhelming, thoughtless fashion, the lack of fanfare on killing off one of the best and most ‘love to hate’ villains in the show only cemented the fact that the finale was not able to live up to the hype. True, most of these are small changes, but it’s worth remembering that there was some good coming out of the final season and it was the lack of those little things and attention to detail that led to the season ending on an underwhelming note.

We did however get a good ton of memes out of it, and at work a long-winded discussion on who should get the ‘winner’ 5-points (compared to the 1 correct points) since we had technically agreed that the 5 points goes to “whoever correctly guesses who sits on the Iron Throne” XD I still can’t believe I was right in Drogon melting the throne though that was one in a million

[dachi-chan25]

GoT S8, Episode 1: The Pointy End Recap Part 2.

-Once they are alone Tyrion muses about her title and she about his while throwing some shade at d, Tyrion says the last time they saw each other was at Joffrey's wedding, Sansa gives a half ass sorry for leaving like that and Tyrion is still salty about it (like fuck off) Sansa is like we both survived so... Tyrion makes a remark about how everyone that underestimated Sansa is now dead and she looks proud (damn right that is my girl) which in this case sounds ominious af for D. Then Tyrion proceeds to show how far he is into the lizard cult, by trying to sell Sansa Stark of all people that bs of Cersei sending the armies, and Sansa in not so many words calls him and idiot (my girl is not holding back her punches and I am here for it) and Bran is just staring at them probably enjoying the drama as much as I.

-Jon is on the godswood in front of the heart tree (you know what? ?? If aegony was real at all she would be there with him, he would like to show her the place where he grew up. he would be like i am really sorry about my people not wanting you here but you'll see they'll warm up to you once they see what a good queen you are or something along those lines, maybe even a kiss in front of a heart tree, a sacred place where you can't lie) but no Jon looks worried and fucking miserable

-Arya sneaks up on him, they banter playfully and can you believe??? He straight up casually mentions he died (👀👀) they hug and it's very heartfelt and brotherly (honestly no stark reunion has been filmed like the Jonsa one, ofc one can argue they were the very first reunion, but duuude the music, the snow falling softly around them, how they get a close up on both Jon and Sansa's face, the nuzzle, and how bloody long is that hug, as well as the fact that neither of them has had a follow up like just drinking having a good time together) they talk about Needle and Longclaw (like if you don't get how different are the Jon - Arya interactions played against the jonsa ones then idk what to tell you) Jon says something that really bothered me at first but then I really thought about it and I came up with why:

1) He is an asshole so far up D's ass he forgets Sansa is the one who really gave him a reason to fight for the living again, and that she literally saved him in the BotB, and that she made him a fur and called him a Stark, or that she has been doing an excellent job preparing for the war against the AotD , but this can't be, I would believe it if this was a season 4 or 5 or even a season 1 and I knew nothing about who Jon is and what he wants, and after seven seasons I know Jon enough to say he would never think this.

2) He is hurt about Sansa still not trusting him to protect her and their home,and is salty cause she really thinks he didn't listen to her when he did. I mean doesn't it remind you of that argument they had about Sansa undermining him, he was desperate to know that Sansa trusted his desicions (super unfair to sansa still cause she doesn't know anything about Jon's plans) he says sansa believes she is smarter than everyone, when he knows she is not seeing he listened to her and is appeasing D so they have a chance against the NK. And i believe this one because it doesn't destroy Jon's character.

Now he says this to Arya and not in the Great Hall (that would have been super shitty of him and would go along with number 1 case) because he and Arya used to poke fun at Sansa's expense when they were kids and he thinks Arya would agree with him and trust him, but she is totally on Sansa's side and defends her (yasss this is what we deserved after last season's shit show) that Jon wasn't expecting it (dude he was joking he doesn't say it with hate or anything like that) much less was he expecting Arya to say Sansa is just trying to protect the family (as if he wasn't) and we see number 2 is real when in a very vulnerable voice he says 'i am her family too' , like he really wanted Sansa's support and trust in the Great Hall and he thinks she is so angry and trusts him so little that she doesn't even consider him family anymore (i'll be crying in the corner excuse me) even more so when Arya makes that remark of not forgetting about that (like seriously we have seen this boy for 7 seasons like how could he ever forget about his family???) And duuude I can't even begin to imagine how sad and alone Jon felt. They hug again and Jon closes his eyes (important detail)

-We cut the scene to Cersei looking like the evil queen she is, smiling while Euron's fleet arrives with the Golden Company when Qyburn informs her that the Wall is no more, and she looks so pleased (dude also in the Recap at the beginning of the episode the really drove home that d was fire and the nk was ice, and i mean GoT starts with Robert's Frost poem about how ice and fire are destructive forces of nature) .

-We get a glimpse of the Golden Company, and then we get a scene with Euron and Yara, Euron is being an annoying piece of shit.

-now we are in the throne room, Cersei welcomes the captain of the Golden Company (his name is Harry but I can't remember how to write his last name) but she is disappointed about not having elephants. Euron is disgusting again, Cersei is savage with him but he starts complaining and is so insistent that Cersei finally gives in and fucks him.

-Bronn is having sex with some prostitutes, the only intresting thing about this scene is the girls talking about the Loot Attack and the horrible deaths of the guys who fought there (apparently Ed Sheeran's character face got burnt off and if that is not an attempt to show D as a villian then idk what that is) Qyburn arrives and says Cersei is summoning him, she is willing to pay and give him a castle if he goes north and kills both Jaime and Tyrion (also I feel Sansa's kidnap plot is gonna happen).

-We get a post-sex scene of Cersei and Euron, and Euron is fishing for compliments but instead annoys Cersei.

-While Euron is trying to measure his dickin' abilities to Bobby B's and Jamie's my boy Theon rescues Yara, who decks him in the face for not fighting for her, but still they escape (I have so many doubts about this, like Theon went to Braavos and back or he just waited, and how did he know he was coming back to KL after he supposedly betrayed Cersei,and if he knew it was a ploy why didn't he warned D or Jon through a raven) Yara wants to take the Iron Islands (I don't believe she gives a fuck about D she just wanted to take back her home) but she knows Theon wants to fight for the Starks so she tells him to go, and it's a good scene.

-More refugees arrive at WF, and we get a sense of the camp and how big is this army, we get a glimpse of Alys Karstark (she is wearing something similar in cut and color to Sansa, and i do believe people are gonna think Sansa is dead at some point) then we get Davos,Varys and Tyrion talking while they watch Jon and D at a distance. Davos tells them the northerns are not gonna like D, Tyrion is worried, but then Dadvos proposes a marriage between Jon and D (duuude I said he was going for this since last season but he only says it until now, this ship is doomed) and this would be a pretty good idea if the people didn't hated her and feared her already but Davos is not a good politician cuz he wasn't raised for it, he is loyal and all you want but he doesn't know the north. Varys is like nothing lasts and I don't blame him cuz he has been unimpresed by D since Mereen, and now he gets to see Sansa's savvy politics and A+ administration while he probably thinks Jon is just another dumb asshole thinking with his dick.

-D and Jon are walking around, and who is brought up in this conversation?? SANSA fucking STARK! !! Even when no northern lord liked her D is just whining about Sansa not liking her (they really trying to sell this triangle when I know, I see I hear with everything Jon does that Jon has no romantic feelings for d at all) and Jon's deadass answer is "well she didn't liked me either when we were kids" (i call bs cuz whe sansa tried to apologize for this he said there was nothing to forgive so this is not serious) he was trying to joke to light the mood, direct the conversation to how alike he and d are instead of a "I'll talk to her don't worry bae" duuude D is really dumb, but she is annoying again implying that if Sansa doesn't respect her she'll do something about it, we don't get to know what but you can see when d is not looking at him that Jon is not happy about what she just said (but also I don't think jon gets that it was a threat cuz he hasn't seen d's uglier sides and I believe he think he has, and he thinks he can manipulate her not to do anything rash).

Some dothraki riders inform D that the Dragon's are barely eating :0:0:0 oh noes!!! If only someone hadn't burned food during the Loot Attack (idgaf about the lizards at all )

Jon and D go to check on the dragons, and D prompts Jon to ride Rhaegal (Jon while not as afraid as before is still weary of dragons) Jon doesn't seem to want to and says what will happen of Rhaegal doesn't want him to and d basically jokes about Jon dying which is not cute or flirty cuz Jon looks scared af. We get further proof D is flying by the seat of her pants and doesn't know shit about how to control her dragons yet she probably thinks Rhaegal likes Jon because they are meant for each other or some other self important bs.

And Jon is not thrilled dude he almost falls off (you ruined horses for me is bs) and we get Varys, Davos and Tyrion see him on the Dragon. Tyrion looks worried.

Jon somehow takes the lead and takes D to some waterfalls, and she is like we could stay here forevaaaaa and he is like we would be too old (the romantic interactions are still at 0 the chemistry is again flat, Jon's responses are awkward and not romantic) he practically tells her she doesn't belong in the north and she asks him to warm her, they kiss (bland passionless) Jon opens his eyes to stare at the dragons, d is like don't be silly darling, he kisses her again and then fucking turns her around so he can stare at her dragons while kissing her. Peak romance amirite ?? Lmaoooo Pol!Jon is real sorry not sorry he had to stare at the dragons while kissing her making the dragons and not the kiss the focus of the scene. I do believe this was just to appease her and keep her happy and commited to the cause after everyone treated her like she deserved.

Gendry is working at the forge, and Arya enters, the Hound is being a cunt, and tells Arya she is a cold bitch for letting him to die and Arya couldn't give less of a fuck. She and Gendry flirt hard like pls make this canon, and pls don't let d burn my boy.

K Imma need a part 3 cuz the Jonsa scene!!!!

[summerseachild]

I also powerwatched GoT Season 2...

I stopped pretending I was only going to have three things to say about each episode.  

2x01

1. Sandor backing Sansa’s “it’s bad luck to kill someone on your birthday” play is SMOOTH. He has her back and I kind of love it????

2. BRAN WARGING! Back when this show cared about magical/fantasy elements that weren’t the dragons.

3. Ugh Theon’s idealism when he offers to go to his family for Robb stabs me right through the heart. (Also he likes calling Robb “Your Grace” A LOT and it makes me cackle and then want to go read fic.)

2x02

1. Cersei asking after Jaime while everyone else looks awkward gives me joy.

2. Gilly!!!! She’s so darling. And so is Sam. And Jon’s “Hello Gilly. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” makes me giggle. What stellar delivery.

3. Theon returning to Pyke is so sad and the castle on Pyke looks SO COOL. (And Yarra keeping a straight face during that horse ride makes me smile just as much as Balon Greyjoy makes me furious.)

4. Bonus: Gendry telling Arya he knows she’s a girl is precious. In fact every second they are on screen are so cute it should be illegal.

5. Bonus bonus: John saw a white walker (Or was that a wight?) Pick up a baby at Craster’s in SEASON FUCKING TWO. How did they so thoroughly fuck up that arc?

2x03

1. This episode was written by Bryan Cogman and directed by Alik Sakharov; which means I was going to love it because Cogman cared a lot about the story and the books, and Sakharov did one of my favorite director commentaries I’ve ever listened to.

2. Brienne’s intro is so great. She is such SERIOUS BUSINESS. Renly genuinely smiling and being happy to have her around :....( he would have been a good king.

3. THEON’S FACE WHEN HE SAYS YOUR LAST BOY JUST LEAVE ME HERE also THAT SHOT OF THEON HIS FACE LIT BY THE BURNING LETTER AND ALL ELSE IN DARKNESS AKDHWISJHSJJSSHSJ CINEMATOGRAPHY AND DIRECTING

4. Bonus: I remember how cute Gethin and Loras’s actor were about Loras and Renly and it gives me warm fuzzies

5. Bonus bonus: Yoren giving Arya the idea that will become her list is a nice moment and A GIRL IS CLEVER telling them Gendry was the dead boy!

2x04: one of the only episodes written by a woman!

1. Ok I love Lannister soldiers playing “who is GOAT?” before Greywind attacks.

2. I’m sorry all the blood just rushed to my eyes because I saw red during the scene with Joffrey having Sansa beaten in front of EVERYONE.

3. Catelyn Stark angrily brandishing a knife at Littlefinger when he’s all “I’ve always loved yoooooouuu” is A Big Mood.

4. Davos “WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SEE” Seaworth, ladies, gentlemen, and honored folk....

2x05

1. Catelyn keeping her cool and being smart under pressure and keeping Brienne alive is some A++ women helping women stuff.

2. The room with all the latticework where Cersei and Tyrion talk is SO PRETTY. And Tyrion is... actually trying to do right by the city and his family. It’s sad, really.

3. I’d forgotten how much I liked Dagmer for actually helping Theon rather than just making fun of him for a lack of knowledge that isn’t his fault.

4. I remember there was some debate having Arya as Tywin’s cupbearer since it was a pretty major change to the books, but it gave us some great interactions between two super talented actors, and those scenes are... mostly(??) in character and reveal interesting things about them, so I’m on the side of “I love it.”

5. Wow, but the Fist of the First Men is beautiful. And I love Sam’s love of history and how it lets him do world building in an endearing way.

6. Brienne swearing to Catelyn literally just brought tears to my eyes.

2x06

1. Bran’s “Did you hate us the whole time?” to Theon is a moment that will have me in tears every time I hear it. Let’s just pretend I’ve flailed about every upsetting second Theon is on screen and how many awards Alfie deserves and call it a day.

2. Arya’s OH SHIT face when she hears that Littlefinger is about to come into the room... priceless.

3. Sandor Clegane is an Incredibly Useful Person.

4. I know he’s really different from the books, but Xaro Xhoan Daxos is so handsome and INTERESTING in the show, and Qarth is SO PRETTY. Like the clothes the sets... everything.

5. Probably Dyslexic Jaime is one of my favorite little touches the show added, and Tywin’s reaction to it was... very him.

6. Ygritte’s Wildling flirting is... both hilarious and adorable. Jon never knew what hit him.

2x07

1. Dany’s WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? Iconic, and understandable given that they are three of the rarest things on earth.

2. Shae being willing to knife a girl to keep Sansa’s secret. Friendship goals. Also the following conversation between Cersei and Sansa is nuanced and breaks my heart. Anyone who says Cersei is 100% evil didn’t watch this scene carefully enough.

3. Jaime talking about squiring for Barristan Selmy and how much he loves fighting is a good way to show us that when we can’t be in his head. (Also is this the same fight he was talking about in season 1 in Robert’s office with Barristan? I think it is...)

4. Quaithe was super cool and mysterious and I wish we knew more about her, and Pyatt Pree was CREEPY AS FUCK how did I forget that he killed the 13?

5. Oh right because there’s a Jaime scene next and somehow Brienne makes “Man” the worst insult ever and she is magical.

6. Also that Cersei and Tyrion scene at the end KILLS ME. “I always hoped he’d be like Jaime...” also she voices doubts in the show WAY MORE than book!Cersei does. But... Lena and Peter make it real and complicated.

7. SO MANY VOWS. I still love everything about this. And Jaime trying to press EVERY ONE of Catelyn’s buttons is... amusing as always.

1x08

1. Wherever Robb and Talisa are walking on the way back from the Crag is SO PRETTY I just want to pitch a tent and camp there for a week.

2. Jaime falling off a horse and introducing himself to Brienne like she doesn’t know who he is WHAT AN ASSHOLE I LOVE HIM. This is the beginning of a BEAUTIFUL ROAD TRIP.... Canoe trip?

3. I want to eat a pie with sour cherries like Hot Pie is describing....

4. Bronn and Tyrion trying and failing to pronounce that historian’s name is SO FUNNY to me right now. This show used to be good at balancing little character moments and Serious Business.

5. Jacqen H’Ghar is clearly asking himself how a man got himself into this situation with this strange girl.

6. Robb and Roose Bolton talking about hunting Theon down gives me the stomach lurches.

7. Robb Stark makes ROmanTiC BuT pooR LiFE ChOIceS

2x09: it’s BLACKWATER TIME! Huzzah for ships and sea battles!

1. Cersei getting the poison from Pycelle stops my heart a bit.

2. We get to hear a bit of “The Rains of Castamere” for the first time!

3. Nearly died laughing at Varys’ “I’ve always hated the bells.” ME AND YOU AND THE WHOLE FANDOM, MY FRIEND.

4. I still LOVE THE CLEVERNESS OF TYRION’S PLAN. And the suspense... so good. “There’s only one ship...” Bronn firing the arrow and it hitting the water ALL OF IT.

5. Increasingly drunk Cersei is cruel and tragic and funny and I love her so much my heart doesn’t know what to do.

6. “Awwww pooR Sandor” is a reaction I NEVER thought I’d have about his little moment of paralysis after seeing the burning soldier but we never step in the same river twice and all that, and this time around I def had that reaction. And cheered at “fuck the King” for SANDOR’s sake.

7. I’ve said this before but PODRICK PAYNE FOR SQUIRE OF THE CENTURY

8. oh hai Renly’s ghost and dad Lannister (Daddister?)

2x10: Valar Morghulis, BITCHES

1. Tywin’s horse shitting just outside the throne room because Tywin needed to ride it in for some reason is the line of Lannister Extra (tm) that makes me love this awful family.

2. Show Margaery Tyrell is a devious Player of the Game, and I am enjoying that this time around. (Also I see shades of Anne Boleyn in the Tudors, and that was a performance I enjoyed.)

3. Jaime WATCHES Brienne all the time, like he’s trying to figure her out, and then making up that story on a DIME, and the two of them trying to sell it... FRENEMY GOALS.

4. If people watch the scene with Theon and Maester Luwin and think Theon deserved what he got, they are dumb. My poor identity crisis in kraken from... (Also thank you subtitles for telling me WEX IS THERE? I love him in the books but I’m sure they just used that name without attaching it to someone.)

5. So in the books the House of the Undying was SO CREEPY I had to stop reading because it was too late at night and I was too freaked out and I WAS IN MY 30S! So the way they did it here was just so underwhelming. Yet more proof that the producers didn’t buy into or value the parts of the story that were too “fantasy.” Did Pyatt Pree just... not know dragons breathed fire? Or did he thing they were too little? Idk that seemed a stupid plan he had.

6. I’m fine just crying over Maester Luwin like I didn’t know he died.

7. In the final episode, if we get a shot of the throne room in the red keep looking like Dany’s vision... but with ash instead of snow... at least it’ll be a bit of continuity.

8. That third horn blast still gave me chills on a warm day. Well done, season 2.

[gotgifsandmusings]

GoT 7x07 Musings

My initial reaction to “The Dragon and the Wolf”

Available for $49.99 at Macy’s!

Well, I was wrong last week, and how the hell was I fooled again? I thought the fact that people were paying attention to logic over spectacle meant criticisms might last, but wow. No. Rave reviews for probably one of the most plodding, unmotivated, illogical episodes of the show. The only time I wasn’t bored to tears was when I was pissed off (Theon), or literally LOLing (Bran-bot).

Let’s dive in. Or you could read Jess’s much more coherent analysis first.

Cheryl’s Landing

This entire thing, the whole sequence showing Deadpan’s troops marching and how impressive everything was, just reminded me how little sense them negotiating for a cease-fire even means

WHAT ARE THEY WORRIED CHERYL IS GOING TO DO

do they just want her to grind her troops down too? Because they didn’t ask her to do that

is Deadpan that attached to Dragonstone?

they literally brought a wight and got one of Deadpan’s dragons killed so they could have proof, so Cheryl would just sit her pretty head on the Iron Throne and…keep on keepin’ on

D&D must be paid by the word “cock”

I really don’t want to dive into the other walk-and-talks. Of course Pod’s dick arc continued. Of course Brienne and Sandor chummed it up about Arya (actually that one worked fairly well). Of course Tyrion and Bronn…I don’t even know. D&D are not half as good at writing these scenes as they think they are.

I loved the pit being an abandoned colosseum (wtf were the Targs *doing* with their dragons) way the hell away from the city.

That’s some nice stadium seating! 

I actually thought it was dumb of Deadpan not to show up with just Drogon. That could be her mount. Pretend the other two are resting. Bringing 2 dragons would just raise questions, like it did.

Cleganebowl is coming guys. Pushing towards healing is a DUMB arc.

It was physically painful to have a scene with these two powerful-ass queens sitting while the menz patiently explained the situation.

Anyone want to venture a guess who Euron was playing this week? I think I’ve got my impression of him down at least

So. Okay. The wight acted not like a wight’s ever acted before, but whatever; props to Jonny for bringing a visual display to the quarterly review.

Here’s the thing: Cheryl and Euron already knew about the Golden Company, which meant Cheryl and Euron already knew they weren’t going to take part in whatever kumbaya truce they were angling for

This means LITERALLY EVERYTHING THAT WAS SAID IS USELESS until the Cheryl/Larry breakup

Cheryl asked Jonny not to take any sides. If he had said yes, what would she have done with the Golden Company, exactly? They’d still be coming. So it was a meaningless request of no purpose. Or did she think offering her aid would lead to that outcome, in which case…what would she have done with the Golden Company, exactly? It doesn’t sound like she was ever actually going to offer her aid (how would that have worked, by the way?), especially the way she told Larry about her deal with Euron…so why was she asking for this? Was it just so Jon could get chided about being stupid so he could then assert that his dad was kind of cool for being honorable?

You can keep playing logical loopy loop with that question, just like the Tyrion/Cheryl convo was a big loopy loop.

Cheryl touching her belly to play Tyrion was super clever in isolation, except the reveal she was playing him still leaves the question like HOW DO YOU FAKE FIGHTING THE ARMY OF THE DEAD? Also they didn’t even ask Cheryl for that. What did Tyrion *want* from her, exactly? What does anyone want? AHHHHHH

The Jonerys sexual tension was laughable. Deadpan was regarding Jon like a moron.

Wow just look at that crackling chemistry.

Could Missandei have like…done anything? She and Grey Worm didn’t even get a moment wth?

Cherry Bomb’s explosion was so unmotivated. Cheryl was making decent points, especially since after the force, with Jon and Deadpan’s alliance, they’re fucked. This was no worse than blowing up a sept and that this was the straw that broke Larry’s back was seriously moronic.

I did like the snow on Larry. Makes me wish we had gotten AFFC adapted.

Dragonstone

It’s not worth talking about the scene that existed to be like “however will boatsex happen?”

The Jon/Theon scene kind of pissed me off, though I know it worked for some people. It’s not even really Theon being a captive of Ned’s so “YOU SHOULD LOVE HIM” is an odd message. It’s that our whole fucking justification for Sansa’s rape-revenge arc, other than making her the player she needed to be (I’m going to hurl), was that it was more dramatically satisfying to have Theon rescue a real Stark and right that “great sin” of betraying them.

And remember how at the beginning of S6, it actually seemed like the Theon/Sansa relationship was…something? But then he had plot things to do and fucked off in favor if his “real” sister, because fuck thematic significance?

My point is, out of all the ‘Starks’ to forgive Theon, it was *Sansa* who specifically mattered, as horrifying and awful a decision as it was, and they just punted out anything between them so Theon could get screamed at and triggered by his blood-relative sister. And after all that shit, they NOW try and pull back in the Stark Significance and how if Jonny gives him a nod of approval, it’s all fine? No. Fuck that.

Also fuck to bloody hell the scene of Theon winning over the Ironboors by HAR HAR not feeling anything when he gets kneed in the crotch, and proceeding to punch a guy to death (or whatever)

It was Larry stopping a sword with his golden hand, but even less tasteful. Especially in the same episode with the worst-written eunuch jokes heard to date.

Winterhell

I mean…what’s to even say? Sansa was playing Batfinger this entire time? Or did she decide the guy needs to be executed *after* Arya threatened her life (in private) because that could win over her little sister’s loyalty

Or was Arya in on it, but you never know when Batfinger is hiding in the floorboards

When was Bran in on it? Did he seek out Sansa, complement the dress she wore the day she was pulled from her horse in the King’s Landing riot, and then tell her all his dirty deets? Did Sansa ask him to do her a solid because Arya was trying to kill them?

At what point was Arya clued in? Was that political show in the hall something she knew about?

And why was this whole drawn out thing to punk Batfinger necessary anyway? Did she think it’d be more dramatically satisfying if he was surprised? He’d probably have been surprised if she did it at the end of last season, because she had the Lysa Card in her pocket for YEARS now, not to mention he sold her to the Boltons and lied about it to everyone

Okay. Cool. Batfinger is dead. Hoisted by his own petard…or something. Except not at all

D&D’s desire to keep us guessing until the last minute is just more of this “omg here’s the twist” writing where everything seems random and unmotivated. Sometimes there’s a satisfaction in a well-executed plan that we watch unfold, and shit.

Also, is Sansa just that over Arya threatening to literally kill her? “Eh, you’re strong.” It was nice seeing sisters *not* wanting to kill each other for a scene, but the fuck?

That said, glad to see a continuation of the sith robe in Winterhell

But who wore it better?

Boatsex montage ft. Sam and Bran

Sam sidling in is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while. And of course Bran emotes for him more than any of his family all year.

I want a montage of Bran telling people he’s the 3ER and them all shrugging “I don’t know what that is.” Sansa did it best

Bran literally just…opened his mouth and expo-dumped. This is “that’s my father!” but extended for like 5 solid fucking minutes

Also it’s amazing that Sam took in anything Gilly was saying about Ragger because hmmm….wouldn’t you think that kind of thing NEEDS FOLLOW-UP?

Okay okay. So. Ragger annulled Elia which means Rhaenys and Aegon were legally speaking, disinherited. And I guess this means that Ragger is now forfeit of any parenting duties? He just really likes the name Aegon and is free to pass it on to Lyanna

She’s not even pregnant! Or if somehow she was, women die in childbirth! Who the fuck disinherits their kids when they’re the heir of a throne in a feudal order? He even had a boy named Aegon already! WHAT THE FUCK

The power of love compelled him to say “fuck all” to the line of succession and piss off the entirety of Dorne? Ragger is kind of lucky the war broke out…

”They were in love.” Good guy Ragger doesn’t kidnap 15-year-olds…he makes sure to woo them first (god the power differential there)

Now for boatsex itself, which was shown over this crapshack montage. Deadpan and Jonny didn’t even SPEAK before this. They’re just like…bored, and then they fuck. There’s sweet music and a voiceover *about* love, so it must mean they’re IN love?? How does that work? All I could think of was this.

Where was this love supposed to have been built? The caves? That time Missandei shipped it? I’m so confused.

Then as if to confirm this was just Jonny and Deadpan trying to fuck away the hours (why not, honestly? Get some.), we are treated to Tyrion outside their door looking like…hurt that this means they’re not going to play Scrabble with him or something

And the Wall came tumbling down

Ice magic + fire-made-flesh = blue fire that’s super hot. Okay.

This looked nice? I think? Kind of hard to take dragonriding Shogun seriously, but the effects were good

Whatever fear I used to have of the Army of the Dead is gone. They showed it to us too early or it’s become too similar to “generic forces of bad” a la orcs in ROTK or something. They’re just dudes, shuffling over. With percussive music.

I have to find a way to cut this to the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme like I did last year.

What a waste of a season.

Top 3 nitpicks:

Zombie!Gregor’s mere existence in a scene about the danger of the walking dead

Dothraki are a two week ride from Winterhell. Just…don’t give us numbers D&D. It’s not helping

Grey Worm and the Unsullied being TOTALLY FINE after Euron’s fleet had shown up at Casterly Rock like, weeks ago? Is this even a nitpick??