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nebulablakemurphy · 3 years ago

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Miss American Pie

Chapter Five: This Will Be The Day (Finale)

Warning: this series features a romantic Yelena Belova x Fem!Reader pairing.

Summary: Everyone has returned but the battle for humanity against Thanos wages on.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

You wake in a coughing fit, the rubble surrounding you sears your lungs. “Natasha.” You call into the rocks and flickering lights. Clearing your throat, you try again. “Natasha!”

“Here, I’m here.” Her voice is rough, pained.

You push yourself toward the sound, through the dust you can make out her hair. “You ok?”

“Mostly.” She’s laying face up, a few scratches visible.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I can’t move.” She nods at the piece of collapsed cement. “My leg is broken, you should go.” Nat says, staring up at the sky.

“I should’ve never let you go to Vormir. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.” You try uselessly to budge the blockage over her leg.

“What is Vormir?” She asks.

“Doesn’t matter.” You swallow the lump in your throat. “How much do you remember?”

“The red room.”

“Do you remember getting out?”

“No one gets out.” She shakes her head.

“We did.” You inform her. “Yelena did.”

“Yelena?” Her gaze finds yours. “You know Yelena? Is she here?”

“Yes, I know her.” You press your lips together. “She’s not here though.”

“The rest of this building is coming down. If you were really trained in the red room you have to know that.” Natasha frowns. “You need to leave.”

“Not gonna happen.”

“Don’t be a hero.” She whispers. “Let me go, it’s ok.”

“No, it’s not.” You argue. “I won’t do it again.”

“What about Yelena?” Natasha gives you a pointed look.

“She’ll understand.” This is what she would do.

“Hey,” Natasha pushes herself up on her elbows. “Would it be a good thing or a bad thing if a giant man in a metal suit carrying a smaller man and a raccoon appeared behind your head?”

You turn toward the man in question. Scott Lang. “It would be a good thing.”

———————————————————————

Natasha is taken somewhere safe. She can’t fight.

As the strange doctor and his disciples start opening portals you see that you’re not alone. Through one comes Alexei, Melina and Yelena.

Her white suit is pristine, dirty blonde hair held away from her face in ponytails.

On shaky legs you move toward her, taking your rightful place at her side. Facing what lies ahead together.

Yelena catches your hand, “this isn’t much of a welcome home.”

You can’t help but laugh, “pretty cool way to die though.”

“Very,” she agrees. “Natasha?”

“She is a little worse for wear.” You warn her, “but alive…and safe.”

Yelena gives you a watery smile, squeezing your fingers. “And you?”

“A tower fell on me.”

“Of course it did.”

Thanos’ army is nothing to scoff at. Giant airborne creatures hover over his troops. Larger monsters stand in their ranks, space ship overhead ready to destroy.

Steve is almost unrecognizable, covered in dirt, his shield battered and broken. But you know it is time when he gives the order. “Avengers, assemble.”

Fighting is easy, it’s what you know. What you were trained to do. Fight to stay alive, fight for what you believe in, fight with Yelena; for Yelena.

The two of you move together like a well oiled machine. Like riding a bike, even after all this time you could never forget.

“We’ve got company to the left.” Yelena says through gritted teeth, kicking at the alien creature beside her. Dropping an empty cartridge to the ground and reloading her gun seamlessly, firing several shots.

Despite everyone’s best efforts they just keep coming. “Do we have a plan here?”

“Getting there,” Steve replies. “Anybody have eyes on the gauntlet?”

“Yeah!” Clint rushes past you with the glove in hand. “What am I supposed to do with it?”

“Get it out of here!” Tony insists.

“What’s happening?” Alexei shouts over the chaos. “I still don’t have ear piece.”

“Just keep their army away from that guy in the tank top.” You grunt, falling backwards from the force of one of Thanos’ soldiers colliding with you.

“We have to get the stones back where they came from.” Rhodey reminds everyone.

“The time space tunnel is completely collapsed.” Tony points out.

“That isn’t our only time machine.” Lang cuts in.

“Does anyone see an ugly brown van out there?” Captain America’s voice hums through the ear bud.

“I do,” a female voice chimes in. “But you’re not going to like where it’s parked.”

After grappling for far too long, you manage to knock the creature from you. Using your knife to dismember it.

“Next time, we get the cool laser guns.” Yelena yells loud enough to be heard by everyone on the network, as she hauls you to your feet.

“Friday, please add laser guns for the ballerinas to my grocery list.” Stark gives his smart ass remark.

“What’s the word on the van?” Rhodey wonders.

“Working on it now.”

The ship at Thanos’ disposal begins raining fire, no regard for their own troops.

“We’ve got people going down!” Rocket hollers.

“Clint,” you call into the microphone. “How’s that gauntlet?”

“Moving down the field.” The archer replies, “I’m alright too, thanks for asking.”

“Good.” You bite back a smile.

Hell continues breaking loose around you. Glowing circular orbs unfold in the air above, providing coverage from the missiles. You’re not sure if this is winning or losing. It feels like a bit of both.

———————————————————————- Thanos and his army are dusted away. Leaving you surprised and still swinging as the shock wears off.

You won. You. Won.

And you lost.

You lost Tony Stark. The man you’d barely known, but offered you clarity that will stay with you forever.

You lost the Natasha you’d come to know over the five years that Yelena was gone. Some parts of the redhead stripped away for the price of the stone.

But she’s still here. Waiting in the wings to be greeted by Yelena and their little makeshift family. You share a look of understanding when your eyes meet over the blonde’s shoulder.

Others come, Banner refuses to leave her side. Despite the fact that Natasha doesn’t remember him.

Clint falls to the ground at her feet. Breaking down at the sight of his friend, his family alive and well. She doesn’t remember him either, but welcomes him into her arms somewhat awkwardly.

Her expressions flicker from happy to overwhelmed. Hesitant to open herself up to the possibility that she is wanted, needed and loved.

Too confusing for the girl who only remembers the red room. Adjusting to this life will take time.

Everyone begins clearing out, their jobs finished. Rushing home to reunite with their loved ones. Tomorrow will bring about new challenges. The world is in shambles, and so are you.

Steve decides that he should be the one to return the stones. His goodbye tells you that he has a bit more in mind. But this is his life. His choices, not yours.

“Well, I guess we should head out too.” You say after a while. Your car is gone, lost in the wreckage from the explosion.

The setting sun is eclipsed, causing all of you to turn your gaze upwards just in time to see the ship’s door open.

“Is that a raccoon?” Melina asks, pointing toward Rocket.

“Do you want a ride or not?” Rocket shoots back.

“Not the avenger’s super jet, but it will do huh?” Alexei smiles, this is his dream.

“This is better!” A man’s voice carries down from the interior.

“Well,” Yelena shrugs, “if you say so.” She leads the pack up the ramp and onto the ship.

“Fanny and the pigs will be expecting dinner soon.”

“How are they?” Melina asks, “have you been taking care of them.”

“That was me!” Alexei says proudly, bending at the waist to gather Natasha into his arms. “Aye honey,” he grunts, hoisting her up. “You are only little girl in my heart.”

Nat pushes against his chest in retaliation.

“Do you mind if I hitch a ride too?” Clint asks.

“The extra stop will cost you,” Nebula stares blankly at him from her seat.

“They always do.” He remarks, trotting up the ramp.

Bruce paces at the foot of the metal grate, watching the rest of you load up. “I gotta hang back, make sure Steve gets there in one piece.”

“After what happened with Scott the first time I’d say that’s probably the best bet.” You agree, standing near the entrance.

“Yeah,” he smiles, kindly. “Keep me posted on Nat, will ya?”

“I will,” you return the smile.

“I’ll see you around.”

You nod, “I’ll see you.”

The captain of the ship introduces himself as Star-lord, and after a moment without response, Quill.

“Any requests?” He asks, finger hovering over the control panel.

Alexei creeps over to the younger man, quietly relaying a message.

“Alright,” Quill nods. Stroking the keys until a familiar set of notes ring out.

“A long, long time ago-“ The singer croons.

You let out a chuckle.

“I can still remember how that music used to make me smile. And I knew if I had my chance, that I could make those people dance. And maybe they'd be happy for a while.”

“We’re really doing this?” Yelena puts a hand to her head, the corners of her mouth turning upward.

“But February made me shiver, with every paper I'd deliver. Bad news on the doorstep, I couldn't take one more step.” The melody carries on.

“It’s your song.” Natasha turns to her sister.

“I can't remember if I cried. When I read about his widowed bride.” Melina’s eyes are far away, carried back to their years in Ohio. Before the world had been so cruel.

“Something touched me deep inside, the day the music-“

“Died.” Yelena joins in, lulling her head to the side to gage your reaction.

You sigh, all of this beyond surreal. But you allow yourself to live in this moment, because you might not get another. “So bye, bye Miss American Pie…”

“Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry.” The roaring chorus of voices fills the silence you’ve grown used to. Fills the parts of you that were empty for so long. “And them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye. Singin', “this’ll be the day that I die.”

“This’ll be the day that I die.” Yelena sings, her face alight with a childlike glee.

——————————————————————-

Melina, Natasha and Alexei stay with you for a while. A few weeks as Natasha heals and becomes acclimated to her life.

She claims to hate the attention, but deep down you know she’s full of it.

The Ohio house is bursting at the seams with five adults, nine pigs and one dog.

That isn’t enough to keep visitors at bay. Namely Clint, his wife Laura and their three children.

Things feel a bit off when everyone begins moving out. Alexei, Melina, and their pigs return to the farm outside of Saint Petersburg.

Natasha finds herself drawn to New York, with Bruce and the makeshift building he’s using as a lab.

You adjust to the steady thrum that is daily life, with Fanny and Yelena.

After dinner you load the dishwasher, drying your hands on the nearby tea towel before selecting a cycle.

“So how does it feel?” Yelena asks, leaning against the doorframe.

“Hmm?” You turn to face her.

“Being a hero.” She clarifies, a smile playing at her lips.

“I’m not-“

“Oh cut the crap, Y/N. You saved the world.” Yelena narrows her eyes at you.

“I did it for you.” You say simply, because it’s true.

Yelena closes the space between you, “why?”

“You know why.” You whisper as she cups your face in her hands, gently stroking her thumb over your cheek. “It’s ok if you wouldn’t have done the same.”

“I’d do more for you, and worse.” She assures you. “But do you really want to spend the rest of your life fumbling around feelings in the dark when you could have someone who-“

“I want you. I only ever want you.” You beckon her closer. “Anyway I can have you, that will be enough for me.”

Sometimes wires get crossed and you want things you never have before. And she provides them before you have a chance to ask. You give back to her tenfold, so that neither glass is ever empty. That is love. True love, the only way you’ve ever known it.

“I am yours…in every way a person can belong to another.” Yelena breathes, “and then some.”

Series taglist: @jeyramarie @freeshavocadoooo @ilovewinter101 @3and30aresoultwins @yelenabelovv @miphas-trident @1800-fight-me

If you loved this series as much as I did, you can check out the prequel here!

#yelena belova x reader #yelena belova #marvel fanfiction #black widow fanfiction #black widow #yelena belova fanfiction #yelena belova imagine #yelena belova x y/n #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff imagine #yelena belova x you #yelena belova x female reader

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peach-pops · 5 years ago

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Famous S/O HC

This is very self-indulgent cause I’m the type to make up fake scenarios where I’m famous and going on interviews and press tours asfjdks. If you guys want, I’ll make more of these! Oikawa+Tsukishima underneath the cut!

How The Haikyuu Boys Find out that You’re Famous

-Bokuto- (Pro-Athlete)

Bokuto knew you were an athlete but he had NO IDEA that you were super famous. Like he always thought it was normal for people to come up to you after your game to ask for pictures or autographs ???

I mean that’s why he was so drawn to you because of how much passion you had for your said sport cause duh he could relate

One day when you two were out at the mall, he told you that he needed to get new shoes to work out in and so the two of you went into the Nike store so he could look around

He was looking through the shoe aisle and after almost two hours of looking through the same shelves, he finally found a pair he liked (shopping with him is so time-consuming but that’s for a different day)

when he found a pair he liked, the two of you made your way to the cashier to pay for his shoes. As the cashier was ringing Bokuto up, his eyes traveled up to the large poster/banner that was directly behind the cashier’s area and smiled to himself

It was a colorful promotional banner with a bunch of top athletes from around the world and as he’s looking at the banner, he sees this girl and he nudged you like,” Babe, she looks like you!”

You look up from your phone and sure enough, you’re plastered on the wall posing with other athletes

“ Oh yeah, I didn’t think this shoot would come out until next month.”

Bokuto didn’t even process what you just said but my dude behind the cash register stopped scanning the shoes to turn his head to the banner and he turned PALE.

He even does a double-take cause hold up, is there seriously a pro athlete in front of him?

“ Oh my god...You’re Y/N L/N!”

“ How do you know my…” Bokuto furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the banner again and he even squinted like hold up

AND IT ALL SUDDENLY CLICKS FOR HIM

“ Y/N? That’s you!”

“ Yeah-”

Bokuto can’t even believe it and he totally spaced out when you take a selfie with the guy behind the register with the banner in the background like UMMM HIS GIRLFRIEND IS FAMOUS WHAAAAAA

“ YOU’RE ON A NIKE POSTER OH MY GOD! LOOK YOU’RE ON THIS MAGAZINE WHA-”

Dude is totally making a scene in this store but he does not give a single fuck

As he’s walking you back home, he’s looking up all of your stats and even watches a compilation called “ 100 times Y/N L/N was a beast!” and he’s just shooketh

“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE A FREAKING PRO ATHLETE??”

“ I didn’t think it was a big deal I mean, you’re pretty famous too babe.”

“ I DON’T HAVE A PROMOTIONAL BANNER WITH NIKE!”

He’s not salty at all he’s just a bit emo cause he felt bad that he never even noticed before

As your fame grows, so does Bokuto’s with his volleyball career. You and him are described as a powerhouse couple and it really hypes the two of you up like THE POWER YALL POSSESS TOGETHER ON AND OFF THE COURT/FIELD/WHATEVER

Lots of training together and joint interviews together like Wired autocomplete or your favorite ~THIRST TWEETS~

“ ~Bokuto could spike a volleyball in my face, crack my nose in two different places, and I’d thank him~ oh my god that’s horrible I would never do that.”

“ I mean, you’ve done it before haven’t you?”

“ That was different anyway, your turn Y/N!”

*passes that clunky ass bucket*

“ ~Y/N L/N, please tie me up and- oh my god this is too dirty I can’t! My mom will watch this!”

If you’re a pro volleyball player, you two get compared a lot and it bugged you at first since you felt like you two were two very different in terms of playing style but after a while, you both started to encourage the idea of your own playful rivalries like comparing stats and wins

But if you’re in a different sport, you two get asked questions like who’s sport is harder or what it would be like if you two switched sports like??? But because you two are in different fields, you both have such major respect for each other cause you can’t even imagine how much hard work it is

He absolutely does not mind it at all when fans approach you two if you guys are on a date. He knows how important your relationship with fans are, especially if they’re younger girls who look up to you as a role model

Bokuto will fall in love with you all over again whenever you crouch down to a younger fan ughhhghgh

He doesn’t care for the paparazzi to be honest. he knows it comes with the territory but he will get a bit protective if they start to get too close to you

“ Hey, we’re just trying to get back home so just let us through please,” but if it continues, he will not give a single fuck about being nice,” dude, what did I just say? Back off!”

Mad!bokuto will be the death of me

He knows how stressful it is being a pro athlete but he will always remind you how proud he is of you and if he ever sees you overworking, he will make sure you take a day off even if that means just napping together all day

Long story short, Bokuto would be amazing to have by your side as you’re navigating being in the public eye and you may quote me on that

-Oikawa- (Actress)

This attention whore I swear

So Oikawa knows that you act but he doesn’t know that you’re an actress (which is basically the same thing)

Like as a kid you were in commercials and you had a small role in a tv show but it wasn’t like it was super popular.

But what Oikawa didn’t know was that a couple months before you two started dating, you were flown out to America to star in an upcoming and highly anticipated movie

since you were under a contract, you weren’t allowed to talk about it until the trailer dropped and it ate away at you because all you wanted to do was tell people especially your boyfriend

ANYWAY He decided to take you on a date to the movie theatre and as you two were getting popcorn, these girls came up to you two

“ Hi! Is it okay if we can get a picture with you?”

“Of course, how could I ever turn down my lovely fans-”

“ No, not you, Y/N!”

Oikawa is just flabbergasted as the girls hand their phone to him so he can take a photo of you with your fans he deadass thinks it’s some prank

After the girls left, he gave you a weird-ass gaze and asked you what that was about but you just shrugged and told him that maybe it was because of ur mini part in that one tv show

So he thinks nothing about it and teased you that it was so cute how you had a mini fanbase and you weren’t going to lie, it was pretty freaking cool

You guys entered your theatre and got settled into your seats as the movie trailers started to play.

(Oikawa loves watching trailers like this dude is the type to take you 45 minutes before the movie actually begins JUST to make sure he doesn’t miss anything)

As you’re chilling in your seat, you see the trailer to your movie so you do your best to keep your eyes on your boyfriend and the screen at the same time cause you want to see his reaction

The trailer plays and Oikawa seemed to be interested in the movie but again, it’s like any normal trailer UNTIL he hears your voice coming from the screen and he immediately sits up in his seat

“ Wait- was that your voice?”

“ My voice?”

“ Nevermind, I think I’m going crazy-”

AND THEN HE SEES YOU ON THE SCREEN! Since it’s a trailer it was just about five seconds of an intense/dramatic scene but it’s enough for Oikawa to lose his mind

“ OH MY GOD THAT IS YOU!”

This prompts some people in the audience to shush him but Oikawa doesn’t care

“ OH SHUSH THAT’S MY GIRLFRIEND! Y/N! THAT’S YOU!”

“ Toru oh my god yes that’s me but stop screaming or they’re gonna kick us out!” You whispered loudly as Oikawa clamped his hand over his mouth

He’s so happy and he’s beaming with pride so he pulls out his phone and records the trailer to post it in his group chat cause duh he wants to show the boys how proud he is but when he sees you kissing someone else for .6 seconds, Oikawa just (ㆆ_ㆆ) and stops recording

“ Are you okay babe?”

“ Was that real or CGI?”

“ The building crumbling is all CGI-”

“ No...the kiss.”

THIS DUMBASS LMAO HE’S SO SALTY AND JEALOUS

“ Why didn’t you tell me you were this good?”

“ I- I was always this good! But I couldn’t say anything, I’m under a contract!”

“ But you could’ve told me! I wouldn’t have told a soul!”

That’s a whole ass lie, if he knew, he would’ve bragged about it to Iwaizumi

But foreal, Oikawa is such a supportive boyfriend like as months pass and your following gets bigger, he just gushes cause yep that’s his famous girlfriend ( he will 100% use you sometimes for clout)

this dude LOVES bragging to his friends that he’s dating a famous actress. Like he was always showing you off and hyping you up before but it gives him such an ego boost when people find out the two of you are dating

Oikawa is an attention whore like I said so you know whenever the paparazzi appears, he eats it up and will pose which is SOO embarrassing like pls why do u do this

But there are some days where you don’t want to get recognized and he 100% understands so the two of you will wear disguises as to not get recognized. One time you two ended up getting caught so he just grabbed your hand and the two of you SPRINTED back to the subway

He will have all of your movies on DVD and if your movie is on a streaming service, he will buy a membership JUST so he can watch your movie

Sometimes you’ll come over to his house and he’ll always try to make you watch your movie for the millionth time

“ Toru, can we please watch something else?”

“ But my extremely talented and beautiful girlfriend is in this movie why would I watch anything but this?”

Don’t be fooled he WILL skip through any kissing scenes or scenes where your character shows any type of affection to another character

LOVESSS tagging along with you to photoshoots, interviews, red carpet events ALL OF IT

Red carpet events give him a chance to dress up and lowkey his outfit is always one of the best there. He won’t outshine you per se but fans actually look forward to see what he’ll be wearing and he’s not even in any of the movies I-

Your schedule gets pretty busy once your career takes off and even though there are certain time periods where you’re across the world, it won’t stop him from sending huge bouquets to your set

Basically, Oikawa is such a supportive boyfriend and is overall so proud of how you managed to juggle your studies with your acting career 10/10 best boy

-Tsukishima- ( Musician/Singer)

You and Tsuki had only been dating for a bit and since it was all still new, he kept it on the down-low because the last thing he needed was his teammates pestering him about a girl

Tsuki knew you liked to sing and write songs but you never told him about how well known you were simply because he never asked

He just assumed it was a side thing for you UNTIL he showed up to practice and some of his teammates were huddled around Noya watching something on his tablet

“ Move your elbow! I can’t see-”

“ Watch your hand-”

“ Shush! I can’t hear her-”

“ What are you idiots watching?” Tsuki asked as he craned his neck to look at the screen

No one answered him so he started to watch the music video and low and behold, your face popped up on screen singing along to your lyrics that he’s heard a million times

Tsuki is a bit taken aback cause why is his girlfriend in such a high production video and why is his heart feeling some type of way seeing you in that outfit

Like lemme just take off my glasses and see that again ( •_•)>⌐■-■

” Where did you guys get that video?”

“ What do you mean, it’s online? She’s trending right now-”

“ God all of her songs are so good I want to see her live-”

“ I can’t believe she goes to school with us-”

“ I wish she would step on me-”

“ Hey, don’t talk about my girlfriend like that,” Tsuki said dryly as he glares at the back of Noya’s head, which prompted everyone to turn around

“ You’re dating Y/N L/N? Ha! That’s funny Tsuki!” Tanaka laughed as he slapped Tsuki in the back harshly

At first, even Tsuki was questioning himself like wait, is he even sure you’re dating? cause this girl in the music video was NOT the same girl he was on the phone with last night

If you had asked Tsuki 10 seconds ago if he would ever reveal to the guys he was dating someone, he would say helllll no but now that he knew about this, he didn’t care about keeping the relationship a secret especially if they were thirsting over his girl

He had all the proof in the world that he was dating you but took the salty approach to prove it to them. He pulled out his phone and shot you a text even though you were in class

Tsuki: Come to the gym right now

Y/N: is everything ok?

Tsuki: just come quickly

You left your class to “use the restroom” and practically rushed to the gym thinking that something was wrong with your boyfriend. You slid into the gym, causing the boys to look up from the tablet and you ignored their shocked faces

“ Where’s Tsukishima?”

The boys slowly did a doubletake from the music video back to you to make sure they were seeing correctly and even though you were a bit embarrassed to hear your song playing in the background, you were just worried about Tsuki

Tsuki walked out to you from behind the guys and you rushed over to him

“ Babe, what’s wrong?”

“ BABE?!”

The boys were shocked and the second years practically FAINTED in your presence

Tsuki pulled the tablet from Noya’s cold, dead hands and showed you the screen,” Care to explain this?”

“ I- Um, it’s my music video…”

“Well are you famous or something?”

“ I wouldn’t say famous…more like upcoming artist?”

And then the next week you’re a nominee for the VMA’s asjfkghdk

honestly out of Oikawa and Bokuto, he probably handles it the best on the outside, he doesn’t make too big of a deal out of your fame but on the inside he’s can’t even believe it

He doesn’t go around shouting to the world that he’s dating the Y/N L/N but he has his own ways of supporting you. He’ll listen to your songs whenever he’s walking in the hallway or doing homework at home and he’ll catch himself liking tweets that are about you as long as they’re positive

He’s def the type to argue with people online if they say mean comments and will report/block them before you can even see it

IDC how much he tries to hide it, he is deadass ur biggest fan. Tsuki will tease you about how nervous you act during interviews/award shows but he will ALWAYS go with you to ease your nerves even if he had prior plans

If you ever write a song for him, he gets SO RED AND EMBARRASSED so pls do that

Will def call you baka for doing so but deep down, he’ll fall in love with you even more cause you’re able to put into words how he feels about you

I don’t think he’ll be too comfortable with you posting about him but he knows he can’t do anything about people taking photos of the two of you out together in public

Tsuki would never be rude to your fans though like if you were recognized during a date, he wouldn’t make a fit and will take photos of you and your fans to speed the process along

He HATES HATES HATES the paparazzi’s like it’s one thing for fans to come up to you when yall are in public but he gets mad when the paparazzi harasses you with questions/pictures/comments

“ Y/N! Turn around and give a smile!”

“ Not right now, I’m sorry.”

“ Oh come on, don’t be shy! Just show the camera a little skin!”

“ How about you shut the hell up before I smack that camera out of your face.”

Head empty, no thoughts, just thinking about Mad!tsuki

It’s a big adjustment for Tsukishima that he has a girlfriend in the entertainment sphere but he knows how hard you’ve worked for it and he would never tell you to stop living your dream

Sometimes he’ll feel insecure because you’re so successful and he doesn’t want to hold you back but since he can’t imagine being without you, he just pushes those thoughts away and enjoys every minute with you

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galacticlamps · 3 years ago

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im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room.

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since

#jamie mccrimmon #second doctor #big finish #Short Trips: Deleted Scenes #yes i am gonna tag this #two/jamie #i think it earned it with the line from celine's letter if nothing else #and quite possibly the doctor's so-called imprudent & pain-driven spying #but i'll leave it at that #in case anyone's looking at the tags to decide if they should actually read this rambling monster of a post #also if you for some reason read this but haven't listened to the audio -#a) that's kind of you to care what i have to say but #b) you could probably have listened to half of it by now lol #did i mention it's a stand-alone audio that only costs $3?#and it's more of a traditional audio book format with one narrator who voices all the characters?#sorry i wasn't ready to do a bf pitch in the tags here #i genuinely dont know why someone who hasn't already heard it would bother to read all this #but if anyone has - thanks?#i'll shut up now so you can get on w ur day :)

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jade-it-queen · 3 years ago

Text

Jade. The fate of female character in Mortal Kombat

It’s been a while since I posted anything on my blog cause I’ve been busy with my life and rapid changes in it. During this time, I’ve watched the new 2021 Mortal Kombat movie as well as the new animation Battle of the realms and also rewatched the Story Mode of MK11 a few times. As you probably can tell, I have a lot to say.

JADE. MILEENA. KITANA. SONYA.

Skip this if you don’t want to read my very important (and long as sh*t) rant about female characters in MK.

DISCLAIMER. This thing is going to sound extremely feminist and women-supremacist or whatever. By saying things that I’m going to say, I by no means think that male characters should be weak or lacking. If anything, it would be nice to have some godforsaken EQUALITY. I’ll explain further later.

Part One: Mortal Kombat (2021)

There’s no Jade in this movie.

The end. That should be the sole reason I dislike it.

However, it might be better this way since the Nitara and Mileena portrayals in this movie are... questionable to say the least. Okay, y’all been robbed. If MY JADE would be brought into this movie to BE THERE for like 4 minutes of screen time only to get absolutely brutal FATALITY I. would. be. pissed.

More than I already am and that means something.

Sure, there’s a possibility that she’s going to be present in some of the upcoming movies because this one is definitely not the only one they’re going to make. But do I want that? Yes. And no.

Mortal Kombat movies (and Mortal Kombat in general) have a problem with women portrayal in general. The target audience for them are MEN, potentially heterosexual men, who want nothing more than bloody gorey fighting scenes with occasional sex scene here and there. To achieve that, they need a female lead, an attractive, kinda kick-assish but not too much, to not overshadow the absolutely badass men characters. Girls tend to be “independent” (because God forbid they’d want to express interest in the male leads before the time is right), sarcastic, laid back and sometimes even bitchy. Because, you see, they are fighters. And they are Sonya Blade. They need NO MAN. They just need plot armor, bigger than America itself. And if they’re not Sonya Blade, they are... non existent. They are there, but they are never really there. Here, let me walk on screen for a couple seconds. Let me sit beside Very Important Male Character (aka Shang Tsung) for a couple of seconds, looking absolutely gorgeous. Let me have a fight scene in which I make choices so f*cking stupid there’s no potential explanation to it. I exist in this movie to make people that love me (this character) to come into theatres in hopes to see some good action and interesting plot.

Now, I wasn’t born yesterday, I know how the world works. It’S bEeN LiKe ThAt FoReVeR, gEt OvEr here iT. Yeah, it’s been like that forever and the result is a mediocre movie that pleases neither the casual viewer, nor the actual Mortal Kombat fan. I don’t know, there might be guys who just saw Kung Lao’s fatality on Nitara, thought to themselves “Neat” and went on with their lives. But I exited the cinema with a sour taste in my mouth, feeling like I’ve watched one of the “fighting genre” films based on video games that had nothing worth remembering. Well, besides Kano. He was my favourite part of this movie and I normally can’t stand the guy :’D

Would it really help if they changed the way the women were portrayed? I mean - is that the ACTUAL problem of the movie? No, women being the eye candy and barely something else (if they’re not Sonya Blade) are not the only problem it suffers from. It’s that MK has been going the same route, retelling the same goddamn story for the millionth time. It’s always THE SAME. The only thing changing is who’s gonna get brutally killed. But - of course - out of the “disposable” character pool. It’s never Sonya (because you need our female lead or else there would be no female characters in the story), who ya know could be killed by Mileena but magically WASN’T. Because Mileena FOR SOME REASON was like: Ya know what? Naaah. Even though Sonya’s from Earthrealm and is actively trying to stop you. If anything, kill her because she annoys you. BUT NAH. It’s never Liu Kang because he’s the Chosen One. But killing Kung Lao is fine, he can die so Liu can awaken or smth. It’s not the main character because how else can you portray THE MAGIC OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP? Ya, that’s what I thought, don’t even think about it.

You have an amazing universe, filled to the brim with SO. MUCH. POTENTIAL. Let go of the same boring plot line and show us Kombat from another perspective. Change something. F*ck, go all feminist route and make a story center around Mileena dominating the world. Try with different versions of the same story, making it center around different character each time.

SURE, YOU’LL PROBABLY LOSE SOME VIEWERS BUT TIMES ARE CHANGING, AND MOST OF US ARE TIRED TO PAY FOR THE SAME STORY OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Part Two: Mortal Kombat Legends: Battle of the Realms

Jesus f*cking Christ.

To say this film was rushed is an understatement. While I was watching it, I was like: TF? Everything happens all at once, we have Kuai Liang-Scorpion story line, we have Outworld’s attack, the tournament, not to mention the final fight that should be whole another movie. I felt like no story line was properly laid out, some of the characters died before I got to even know them and the battles were... disappointing. I believe they needed to push this movie out so they squished in everything they had and just went with it.

But, again, this movie just repeats the same things as its live action version. Let me lay it down for you:

Kung Lao dies (because yes)

Sonya Blade lives (because yes)

Jade is just there (more of it later)

disposable characters are disposed of

Liu Kang is badass and always wins

You watch it and feel like you’ve already seen it before. Sure, gore is fine, human Raiden is precious and need to be protected at all costs and adrenaline is pumping (I guess).

BUT NOW.

You know what’s coming.

JADE.

My f*cking piece of sunshine, the gorgeous goddess of beauty and kombat, the woman who owns my heart.

She’s there for like not even a minute.

Words can’t describe how f*cking PISSED I am by this portrayal. These motherfrickers put her in EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE SNIPPET OF THIS MOVIE. HER BATTLE WAS IN THE TRAILER, ONE OF THE SNEAK PEEKS WAS A SCENE OF HER AND KITANA.

TURNS OUT EVERYTHING I SAW BEFORE THE MOVIE WAS RELEASED... WAS EVERYTHING I WAS ABOUT TO SEE OF HER!!!!

THEY MADE ME HYPED UP FOR NOTHING!!!!!!

I know I’m not the only one riding this trolley. Li Mei was there just to be killed. Kung Lao had a f*cking single dialogue line and then BAM, fatality, buh-bye. But I was watching everything of this movie, being so enormously happy that I will finally see Jade in the movies, FINALLY! Only for her to be present in a single scene, get her ass kicked by Liu Kang (what’s new) and then she’s never seen again, even when the whole f*cking world is breaking apart.

Again. She’s just there. Ladies and gentlemen, one of the best Shao Kahn’s assassins, gets her ass kicked in fourty seconds. They NEVER let her speak ffs. She just spews some general villanous sh*t and proceeds to step on Johnny. Then, she just goes Observer mode as Kitana “betrays” Shao Kahn, gets tied to the column and then the world is ending.

WHERE THE F*CK IS SHE?!

If you hype me up for her every chance you get, at least GIVE ME what you’re advertising. This is a scam. This is criminal offense. And homophobic. She is more than a revealing outfit and Liu Kang’s punching bag. I’m SO. F*CKING. TIRED. OF THIS. SH*T.

Kitana. The rebellious princess of Outworld... turned damsel in distress in this movie. Her role is so effing bad it hurts me to my core. You see her as a general being so badass and independent... oh right, we need Liu Kang to save her because he needs to maintain his hero look. And we need two kissing scenes. How do we get there? Oh, right, let him save her, because you know - that’s what makes wahmen kiss you.

ARE YOU NUTS?!

The movie started just fine, with Kitana being in charge with her right hand, Jade. Then, obviously, they water her down and soon she is a princess in a tower (in this case, princess on a column) that needs her buffy sexy man to save her. Oh, and she can’t resist him - you know, every normal girl’s reaction to getting untied is to kiss a guy you’ve known for like a few hours but seen before and you’ve talked like three dialogue lines in total. Sure.

Kitana just gets the unfortunate role of a female main character. She’s Liu’s love interest and that makes her take the role of a strong (but surface level, only) woman who still needs her hero to free her. Classic damsel in distress story, with Kitana being the princess, Liu being the Prince charming and Shao Kahn as the dragon (lul). Of course, they try to cover this up by making Kitana a general, letting her win a few fights but it won’t matter in the end. Some say that women want to believe in fairy tales but the more I see fighting games’ lore, the more I say it’s the men who want to believe them.

Is it necessarily bad? No. But it’s boring as fuk.

I would like to ask the directors to stop being so afraid of upsetting the target audience. Target audience can change and sometimes it comes out better than originally planned. My Little Pony was designed as a child’s cartoon but it was the creepy men who made it reach the top. Morally? Questionable at best. But business is booming, right? And that’s what they care for, right?

All I’m trying to say is these days women and gays are the future.

Thank you for today, more to come. I’m going to rant about the Story Mode.

#Mortal Kombat #mk jade #kitana #nitara #mileena #battle of the realms #female #commentary #article #mortal kombat movie

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mediocre--writing · 4 years ago

Note

Hey! I just read a couple of your drabbles and I LOVE THEM!💙💙

So if you don't mind, could you please do a Harringrove drabble/ficlet based on either of the two (or a mix of both, if you can) Twenty One Pilots songs "Tear in My Heart" and/or "Smithereens"?

Because, for me, Tear in My Heart is very Billy and Smithereens is very Steve👉👈

Thank you!!💜

Ok so love this and you have an amazing mind, just so you know.

This is like a 2 in 1 fic post so :))))

So smithereens and steve work so well together, like

“I go step to a dude much bigger than me/ for you I know that I would get messed up, weigh 153/ For you I would get beat to smithereens”

Like this is just Steve's personality. He got into a fight every season and barely ever wins without intervention. And like i could see him just being so overcome with emotions that he just does what he knows, which is self destruct.

Like with his fight with Jonathan, he almost accepts that Nancy was too good for him and thinks that he might as well take other people with him.

Then with Tommy in the parking lot, it’s not really a fight, but it shows that he has a conscience and fixes his mistakes.

Then with his fight with Billy, he only tries to protect the kids, even if he’s losing miserably.

I could 100% see steve having snuck into billy’s room during the night once (before he really knew about neil), not to do anything nefarious, but just that he had a really bad nightmare, because there was a small power outage, and billy is really good at helping him sleep afterwards.

And let's just say that Billy's alarm clock (which is always set for 5:30am, half an hour before Neil wakes up just to give him peace of mind) doesn’t go off because of the power outage.

And Neil comes to wake up Billy for school because he hasn’t woken up yet, and sees Billy spooning Steve and both boys are snoring and pressing bare chest to bareback, and so deep asleep that Neil lets them sleep, letting them wake up on their own.

And they do. Billy wakes up around 8am, feeling insanely well rested. He smiles and squeezes Steve before turning to sit up from his bed to look at his alarm clock, that’s blinking on and off and reads 3:18am, but the sun’s up and… the house is quiet.

Billy feels the dread settle deep in his chest, and swears he could cry if he were .000000001% more worried.

He hears the creaking of work boots walking around the house and knows, just from the tension lingering in the air, that it’s just an angry Neil pacing in the kitchen/ dining room and waiting for Billy to wake up.

He doesn’t know whether to wake Steve up and tell him to escape out of the window and run or just let him lay there anyway, it’s obvious that Neil already saw.

He let’s Steve sleep and throws a shirt on and slowly walks out of the room into the pits of hell, seeing Neil turn to him with an angry face a brighter shade of red than a firetruck.

As slurs are screamed and Billy is thrown into the walls and has family tchotchkes launched at his face, Steve wakes up after a particularly painful shove makes the wall shake, pushing a single picture frame fall off the wall on the other side.

Steve shoots up after that loud bang and hears a wail and muffled yelling before something else hits the wall. He grabs his shirt and puts it on as he walks out the bedroom door, seeing glass shattered on the hardwood leading to the family room, but what he sees around the corner is so much worse.

Billy’s bleeding in about twenty different spots, body curled in a ball in the corner of the kitchen, Neil standing over him, but turning to Steve with a grin.

Steve feels his blood boil as dots connect and loose ends are tied up, making the connection between Billy's bad nights and the new bruises he’ll sport under his shirt. The way he tries to hide it when he flinches at loud, authoritative men who are bigger than him. Why he told Steve to never call his house and why he is the way he is.

So Steve doesn’t think for another second before launching himself at Neil, slamming him into the floor, but that’s about as much as he wins that fight, because Neil is slamming him back and beating him the same way he did his son.

And billy, let’s admit it, is probably much stronger and a better fighter than his dad, but it’s so hard to fight back against an abuser that has controlled your life for so long. Even when you know you could win and that they deserve it, neil hargrove is still his dad and he could never get it into his head to hit him back.

But Steve was trying too hard to take him down because he was doing the wrong thing and losing terribly, never having won a fight once in his damn life.

Billy’s sitting up against the wall, ribs in excruciating pain and vision blurry, but he sees Steve getting up and kicking Neil once before backing up, and Billy sees his camaro keys in the dish by the front door.

So he stands up as fast as he can, ignoring the dizziness as if that would make it go away, grabs steve’s arm and shoots to the door, grabbing the camaro keys and shooting outside

He takes the driver’s seat, despite his dizzying head, just knew that he’d have to drive for a few miles then they could reevaluate, and Steve was clumsily getting into the passenger side.

Billy had only just started the car when Neil came rushing out the door, screaming threats and slurs as if that would make them stop their escape.

The camaro backed out of the driveway and shot down cherry lane in record time, going to the center of town, the least likely place Neil would cause a scene.

It isn’t until Billy puts the car in park that he can bear to look at steve.

He’s got a bloody nose and his shirt sleeve is torn off, hair disheveled from both sleep and the fight.

But billy looks so much worse.

He’s still hunched to the left from his ribs, he’s got tons of cuts along his arms, legs, and face from, what steve suspects, the broken glass on the floor. He’s also got this wild-animal-look in his eyes. One that screams, I escaped alive, but at what cost?

“Bill-”

“Why’d you do that?”

“Why-- I’m sorry are you asking me why I attacked your dad when he was kicking you while you were, literally, on the floor?”

“Ye--no, I-- but you got hurt, why’d you do that?”

“Billy, what did you expect me to do?” a shrug is all he gets in response--”If you saw my dad doing that to me, can you honestly expect yourself to stand there and watch it happen, or walk away and let it happen?”

Billy turns to face the grocery store--Melvad’s-- that they were parked in front of.

“It’s all weaving together in my head. All the bruises, the jumpiness, how you like to control things, it all makes sense, but what doesn’t make sense is why you wouldn’t just tell me, Bill,”

“And what exactly would you have been able to do about it, huh? You gonna take care of the situation or some shit, Steve? Trust me, I’m used to it and--”

“But you shouldn’t have to be ‘used to it,’ Bill, that’s abuse, and you don’t deserve that shit, not ever,”

Their conversation is halted by a tap on the glass by Steve's window, and the boys turn to see Joyce Byers looking more motherly than ever.

Steve rolled the window down.

“The hell happened to you boys?” she asked but corrected herself with a shake of her head, “Doesn’t matter, just come in to clean up, we’ve got bandages and antiseptic, free of charge,”

Billy wiped away the tears he didn’t know had formed and nodded to her, “We’ll be out in a minute, Mrs. Byers.”

“Joyce, please,” she demanded softly.

“Joyce, of course,” Billy offered a subdued smile.

She walked off and Steve rolled the window back up.

“Thank you,” Billy spoke quietly after a moment. “I’m glad he didn’t hurt you worse,”

“Billy, for you I would get beat to smithereens,”

“Well of course you would, you weigh like 100 pounds, not like you could put up much of a fight,”

“Hey! I gave him a black eye, thank you very much!”

“Oh, well, my bad, baby, then maybe you weigh 150, huh?”

Steve grumbled from the passenger seat, “153,”

Billy chuckled and grabbed Steve's hand over the console, locking eyes and smiling at each other, enjoying their small moment.

“We should probably get in there before Joyce comes out herself?” Steve sighed as he moved to take his hand out of Billy's.

“One more minute, please,”

Steve just tightened his grip on Billy's hand and moved towards the center of the car to rest his head on Billy's shoulder, Billy's head falling onto his.

Billy and Tear In My Heart thooooooooo

Like it fits him so well, again this is amazing.

I also see billy as a resident hater of america and it’s fucking government becuase, well, they have a history between his myriad of speeding tickets and, oh what was it, oh yes, the tentacle monster that impaled and possessed him.

And in California, there’s no cold weather where he lives, so there’s not exactly potholes to avoid.

The first time he drives into the cooler states and has to avoid potholes, he decides that his car deserves a vacation after this.

But the potholes become the biggest issue after he and Steve start dating.

He’s absolutely enamoured by this boy, because who wouldn’t be. He respects Billy's limits and can hold his own in arguments, and they fit together like missing pieces of a puzzle.

Steve has changed Billy, not that he’d admit it, but he’s softer now and all of his sharp edges have been baby-proofed. They’re still there and dangerous, but they’re more difficult to be stabbed by.

All the cracks in his heart have been filled with gold, like Kintsugi (a Japanese technique of repairing broken pottery with gold).

And Billy can complain and complain about Steve's clinginess, about his intrusion into his life, and his persistence to stay, but deep inside Billy's never felt more loved or cared for in his life.

But these damn potholes might just make him lose it.

Because billy is anything but a bad driver, he can control the car even when it’s going 45 over the speed limit, but now that steve falls asleep after their movie dates or when they’re coming back from barbeques with the party, Joyce, and Hopper, he’s driving the speed limit.

Which is just appalling.

But some of these potholes are so deep you could dive into them and not hit the bottom.

Like what the fuck, Indiana?

And, one time, Max is with them after a barbeque when Steve falls asleep and Billy slows the car down to what feels like snail speed, but is just the speed limit.

“Why are we going so slow?” Max asked as she leaned forward from the backseat to whisper to billy.

“Steve’s sleepin’,” he said, as if it was the obvious reason.

“You’re whipped,”

“Shut up, Shitbird,”

Max leans back into her seat with a grin on her face at the absolute mush her big, tough brother has turned into for Steve Harrington.

#harringrove #stranger things #steve x billy #billy x steve #mw harringrove #mediocre—writing #twenty one pilots #billy hargrove #steve harrington

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helloprettybb · 5 years ago

Text

harder

Okay, so I’ve attempted to write four different fics, but I am struggling. So here is just an easy, no plot smut because I need to post something before the black out.

pairing: steve rogers x reader

description: you were playing a little game and one suggestive phrase evolves to getting fucked on the floor against the couch.

word count: 1.3k

warnings: smut obv, unprotected sex (use protection ya’ll)

“Oh, fuck Steve!” you exclaim, throwing the controller on the ground. You’ve been playing the new Captain America: Civil War video game for hours and still can’t win.

Tony’s character has so many different weapons that you keep choosing the wrong one when you want to fight. You meant to shoot a missile at Ant-Man, but instead, you transformed your hand into a blade. You groan out of frustration as you are defeated for the fifth time.

Steve pops his head into the room and looks down at you. Spread out on the ground with the controller feet away, you are an amusing sight. Steve laughs as he lays down next to you. “I see that you’re still playing the video game.” Steve left a couple hours ago when you just started.

You sit up, leaning against the bottom of the couch, “Yeah, I’m playing as Tony now. But I keep losing, because Tony’s too complicated!” Steve laughs, even though you were referring to video game Tony, he still found it funny that it held true in the real world.

When the game company first approached the Avengers to make a video game, they were hesitant. After all, who would want their biggest conflict marketed so that little kids could pretend to be them. But when Steve suggested donating the proceeds to charity, the team agreed to have the game made. Luckily for you, the team received an early release and you’ve been playing it non-stop.

You started as Steve and won fairly easily. After the second night, you completed the game, so today, you decided to restart as Tony. You’ve gone through multiple times and the furthest you could get was the airport battle. As soon as Ant-Man grew large, you immediately lost.

You turn to him and sigh, “You were so much easier. All your moves were so much easier.”

Steve cocks his head and fakes offense, “Is that supposed to be a good thing?”

You laugh and respond, “For the game it is. Tony is practically impossible to play. It’s no fun.” Steve smirks at that and his mind starts to get ideas.

“So what you’re saying is, it’s more fun to play with me?” he asks, a little suggestion hinting at his voice. Your eyebrows quirk a little and you feel the mood in the room start to shift.

You lean closer to him and harmlessly reply, “Of course, Steve. I love playing with you.” Steve could feel himself harden as you lick your lips and bat your eyelashes innocently. You continue, “You’re just so strong and powerful.”

Steve bites his lip at the last comment. To rile him up, even more, you say something to make him jealous, “Too bad, Tony’s harder.” You knew the double meaning behind that, which is why you purposely said it. Steve had a jealousy streak and you both knew it. The last time a guy tried to hit on you at a bar, Steve made sure you couldn’t walk straight for a week to prove who you belonged to.

You don’t even have to look down to know that his dick is pressing against his now tight slacks. Wordlessly, Steve slide you onto his lap and leans back onto the bottom of the couch. Only in a big shirt and panties, you can feel his growing cock. You capture your lips in his and place your legs on both sides of him. You could feel Steve’s neediness as he asserts his dominance through the kiss. His tongue effortlessly slides against yours. You sigh into his mouth and Steve smiles at the effect he has over you.

You run your fingers up and down his body while he grabs your hips and guides them over his. You unbutton his shirt and occasionally pull away when you struggle with certain buttons. When you’re apart, Steve kisses down your neck, stopping to leave marks. Luckily you’re at your Brooklyn apartment and not the Compound because someone definitely would have walked in.

You finally unbutton his shirt and take it off, leaving his torso exposed. You fake your hands over his abs and chest, still in awe of the man under you. He tugs at the hem of your shirt, signaling for you to take it off. You happily oblige and pull off the giant t-shirt.

Steve moans when he sees your chest and asks, “No bra?” You remembered that you didn’t even get dressed today, opting to wear what you wore to bed. You smile at his reaction and connect your lips again. Steve continues to push you down onto him and when your hips still, Steve whines a little. You reach down towards his zipper and slide his pants down, taking his boxers with them.

Spitting on your hand, you grab his hard cock, which sprung up against his stomach. As you move your hand up and down, Steve lays his head back onto the couch. “Fuck, y/n.” You take advantage of his open neck and kiss lightly up to his chin. You keep pumping your hand until he stops it.

You tilt your head in confusion until Steve explains, “I wanna cum in you, babe.” You never liked being called ‘babe’ but coming from Steve, yearning and desperate, you couldn’t be more turned on.

You sit up slightly to pull your panties off and line up with his cock. He tightens the grip on your hips and asks, “You don’t want me to stretch you out first?”

You moan a little more wrecked than you intended, “I just need you to fuck me, Steve.” He doesn’t say anything else, instead, he guides you onto his dick. You had your first time before you met Steve, but every time he fucks you, it feels new. Steve Rogers is big.

You sink slowly onto his cock, both of you moaning into each other’s ears. He helps you bounce up and down as he thrusts into you. It gets harder to set the pace as his dick pounds the right spot and you feel yourself going limp. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders and dropping your head down, you let him fuck you onto his dick.

The sounds from between your legs are pornographic as moans fill the room. You used to pride yourself on your ability to stay quiet, but with Steve, it was near impossible to not let out a moan or two. Since you’re alone, you don’t hold back the noises, which are bordering between whining and screaming.

The combination of Steve’s grunts in your ear and the unrestrained pounding cause a tight coil to form in your stomach. Your panting intensifies and Steve can tell you’re close. “You gonna cum, honey? Huh, gonna cum on my cock?” Steve asks between grunts. You squeeze your eyes shut, his words edging you on even more.

You didn’t even know it was possible, but he snaps his hips even harder and you dig your nails into his back. “Oh fuck Steve!” you exclaim, as you clench around him. You could feel your release as it starts to drips down his cock.

You’re truly fucked out and after a couple more thrusts, Steve’s hips falter and he cums loudly. You can feel it spilling into you, mixing with your own release. You pull away and look at his flushed face and dilated pupils.

Your heart rate starts to slow and you tell him, “You know what, I was wrong.” Steve raises an eyebrow in confusion. With a sly smile, you say, “You are harder.”

#steve rogers #stever rogers imagine #steve rogers smut #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #marvel #marvel smut #marvel imagines

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kirstinmaldonado · 5 years ago

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CHAPTER TWELVE 2.0

I started the last two chapters, happy to have something of substance to talk about, me being at home, improvements I was seeing, maybe even some rightful disappointment at some people’s lack of care in their actions…but like clockwork the beginning of the week brought in new developments and my mind drifted focus. My fingers lost the spark to write about feel-good situations when the chaos in the world seemed to extinguish the flame.

I was in Texas just two weeks ago but it honestly feels like forever, as if time is confused on what pace its on. The USA seems to be confused as well.

Theme parks across the nation are opening up. Some flights are back to full capacity. The world seems caught on a pendulum of thought: “Are we good enough to pretend and pass like we can go back to normal?”

Meanwhile, people are still getting sick. People are still dying. Protests are still happening, although it apparently doesn’t serve the media to still be airing that. Justice has still not been served for those we’ve lost: Breonna Taylor, Vanessa Guillen, Elijah McClain, and so many more. The media and internet is ablaze with people ridiculing, attacking, or making fun of each other, on top of everything going on.

I wonder if I’m a part of that sometimes. While I still think protesting for “bar lives” is unfathomable and tone deaf, while it was so easy to ridicule because it was so insanely insensitive to compare to the BLM movement, did I help to further a narrative full of spite? Did I egg on anger and divisiveness, did I unintentionally help create arguments online? Did I give a platform that I don’t agree with more attention by calling attention to it?

I’m all for the hard but important conversations. I love them, to be honest. My family and I had many thought-provoking conversations when I was home, about what they’ve experienced with racism, about our opinions on all sides. It was wonderful to expand our ways of thinking using past and present! I think we all walked away with more rounded backing to our opinions, me included, and I’m thankful to have a family that can be so open and willing to discuss.

Yet, those conversations can’t be condensed into however many characters can fit in to a tweet. The art of negotiating is not all about winning, it’s also about empathizing. It’s about explaining and getting the opponent to understand your side and school of thinking; if you just tear them apart for their lack of understanding or different opinion, how can they ever fully understand or want to, especially if you are the one trying to teach them something not in their wheelhouse?

Racism, of course, is non-negotiable.

Everything else, and it’s a lot, that we have encountered in the last few weeks (mainly dealing with COVID) feels like it’s cumulatively driven us to a breaking point, to a point where I don’t really feel like I live in the “United” States of America. I feel like we are now all pitted against each other, immediate to defend our point, and jumping to 10 because honestly we are tired of the bullshit.

I get it. I do. But in the last few days while I’ve watched coronavirus cases develop, “Karens” making a fool of themselves in public places and endangering people’s lives with their sense of entitlement, while watching Hamilton for the first time and seeing good and bad critiques, Kanye running for president, while I’ve cried over Vanessa and what happened to her only to have someone try to belittle my reaction compared to others we’ve lost, I realized something.

Chaos. All chaos.

How can we make real change when we are all just screaming? How can we move mountains when we are pushing from two opposing sides? And while we have made progress, will we have the sensibility to keep with it or will our boiling frustrations overrule and distract us from our end goal, lasting and transformative change for the betterment of BIPOCs and everyone?

I’m not hating on our progress. And I’m not vilifying people’s reactions to things not in your school of thought, albeit insanely frustrating things. I’ve been there and am there. The amount of Facebook posts I’ve written novels for, the shock I feel on a daily basis for some people, is all still there. Yet, my sadness for this world and how to heal it has crept in and bated me.

What can “I” do to make a difference?

Hating and bashing things is our new normal, our humor has become intertwined with it so much that we ridicule and make jokes out of everything. Click-bait headlines only stoke the flames. Coronavirus is still surging every day, and you know what, some people can’t pretend to go back to “normal” amongst it all.

The entertainment business, for example, won’t be back up and running for… who knows? I wouldn’t be surprised if Broadway was closed for longer than a year. We rescheduled our tour in hopes that we would be able to go, but with the way things are looking I can’t help but feel distressed about the outlook for the entertainment industry/shows all around. So many people’s “normal” won’t come back at all until we get a headway on this virus, and it’s gonna take us all coming together for that to work as well. We have to truly be THE UNITED states of america.

As a side-note, Pentatonix has never been this stationary since we started…and that’s bittersweet too. Never take anything for granted, guys.

So while I dissolved into a puddle over Vanessa and how I don’t even know how to help mediate the world anymore, with people at each others throats literally and figuratively all the time, with good people and bad people on every side, I returned to a very old school of thought for myself.

Be kind.

What can “I” do every day?

Yes, use my platform as a strong voice of advocacy, try to filter through everything to make sure I’m posting facts and not scare-mongering or leading anyone astray from what they should be seeing.

I’ve protested. Signed petitions. Written emails. I tried to raise awareness and bring everyone along with me on my journey as I learned, which I thought was helpful.

But I forgot about the most important thing, the thing that’s been ingrained in my head since I was a child for better for worse, the one thing that even though practiced vehemently, never always comes back guaranteed.

Be kind.

I lost that somewhere along the way, a bit. I could feel my soul hardening at how cruel some people can be, I felt how easy it was to smite and bash people’s names who have done far worse. I felt my eyes cloud with hate.

For a long time I thought the battle was human vs earth and I was always so sad to see how easily we destroyed such a precious gift.

Now I know at its core that the real problem is human vs human: how to one up each other, how to be more successful, how to win, how to be MORE all the time. That feeling has been slowly poisoning us and our empathy and compassion towards others. That feeling is not about bettering oneself, it’s about greed and it spreads like cancer.

For a long time, I didn’t want to “be kind” like a Disney princess anymore. I was tired of trying to use kindness as a shield as if people’s actions did not hurt me. I was mad at my kindness for blinding me and letting me get hurt. I thought the phrase “kill them with kindness” was stupid, because I was the one that kept getting hurt.

But my kindness did not do that to me. I did not do that to me.

People did. Hurt people. Confused people. People that had problems within themselves that were in no way a reflection of me. People with opposing views. Those people are not my fault. Those people don’t get to have their anger bleed in to my life, they don’t get to poison my disposition with their greed and animosity.

What can I do?

Every day, I can make a point to not be divisive. To not so easily make fun of things, belittle, call names, etc.

I can tone down my “complaining” online. I can not get so upset and rush to attack people that would be hard to get my point across to anyway online, so I don’t work myself up for hours about one internet troll when I could be doing other more important things. Why lose sanity over someone only wanting to argue? Why revert to the name bashing, why invite more stress and anger in to my life, even though there’s enough anyway with what’s going on in the world?

As I uncovered more history, had more awakenings and understandings, and dealt with my own personal stresses, I felt my strength oscillating and now I know why. I was so hardened with hate and disbelief, I felt like a fool living in a world that said it was something else. And...I left my best ally behind in my own rush for MORE.

Kindness.

Empathy. Understanding. Patience.

So for July, I’ve decided to take care of myself a little more. Take care of others. Make sure that I am not contributing to anyone’s pain, and only being an ally to amplify voices that need to be heard.

There’s a kinder way to say everything. There’s a kinder way to live. Amongst all this chaos, maybe if we were all a bit kinder, we could ease the waves of tension and calm the storm. Maybe if we could see past ourselves, we could make a lasting change for us all.

I changed my bio the other day. We must be like the sunflowers, pulling toxicity from the ground and air. Nature’s helper. I said I would be like that.

They don’t contribute anything negative, they just stand tall and strong, a mediating force in a world that needs purifying.

So, I will armor myself with my strength, knowledge, and kindness.

And see about tomorrow.

#blog 2.0

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esoanem · 4 years ago

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“Let me tell you a story, about a Spaniard named Vasquez...”

Following this fantastic video essay by Rowan Ellis (contains spoilers for the entire show), I am currently rewatching Black Sails. The first season has a slightly different tone from the rest of the show and, in particular, has a major sexual assault storyline. I know several people who have been put off from watching the show as a result

So, with that in mind, I’m gonna give summaries and content notes for the episodes of the first season as well as timestamps of any scenes with particular content people may want to avoid. Hopefully this information can allow people to either skip those scenes or, read the summaries of these episodes and skip them entirely

Anyway, this post is about the very first episode

Major Content Notes:

Violence: some bloody violence, shot fairly brutally

Wikipedia Synopsis:

John Silver joins Captain Flint's crew as his ship's new cook whilst secretly holding a highly valuable page of the Captain's Log, which he takes from the first cook, who had stolen it from the captain himself. Meanwhile, Captain Flint faces a potential mutiny from his crew and must work to secure their support. The Captain recruits his first mate Billy Bones' help to overthrow the mutineer's leader, Singleton. Meanwhile, Eleanor Guthrie tries to keep order on the lawless island of New Providence conducting her father's business, as the Royal Navy's suspicions of the pirates grow stronger.

There’s quite a lot going on in this episode, with several speeches establishing important themes, because it has to establish all the major players, and most of their relationships, so the summary is actually quite a long (albeit quite condensed from my 8 pages of notes). Below the cut are the timestamps of any scenes requiring any of the major content notes, and then the summary (which includes all the events of the episode)

Timestamps:

All timestamps are from the “Complete Collection” DVDs which includes a Starz logo at the start. Depending on your source, timestamps may vary a little, which is why I’ve included the timestamp for the opening titles. Timestamps are only given for the start and end of scenes featuring any particularly warning-worthy content

06:30: opening titles

56:23-60:30: Flint & Singleton’s fight. The violence here is pretty brutal & bloody, moreso than most of the rest of the series

Summary:

1715 West Indies

The Pirates of New Providence Island threaten maritime trade in the region

The laws of every civilized nation declare them hostis humani generis. Enemies of all mankind

In response, the pirates adhere to a doctrine of their own… war against the world

A merchant ship is attacked by Captain James Flint’s pirates on the Walrus. During the attack, the cook steals a page from a logbook, and ends up barricaded in a compartment with the coward John Silver (below). The cook plans to joint the pirates after the fight, saying a good cook is always in demand. Silver spots the pouch the page is hidden in, causing the cook to draw his sword

The rest of the crew barricade in a separate room, but eventually the pirates break in, defeat them and the pirate captain, Flint (below), gets the merchant Captain to surrender

The quartermaster Hal Gates (below) walks through the merchant ship assessing the prize as the crew breaks down the door to Silver’s compartment, in which he finds the cook dead, stabbed in the back, Silver claims to be a very good cook and asks to join

On the deck, Singleton (below, and also pictured in the background of Flint’s picture) is giving a speech to the captured merchant sailors, appealing to their sense of class consciousness

"Now that the fight is over, you have nothing more to fear from us today. Because we know this fight was not of your making, it was the choice of our true enemy, your true enemy, the tyrant captain. Many of us once sailed on ships like this one, we know what it is to be slaves to his whims, his violence, his shit wages! His insufferable stupidity! So we’ve made for ourselves a different life, where we don’t rely on wages”

The accountant Dufresne (below, note that he is played by a different actor as his original actor sadly died after the filming of the first season) assesses the prize as barely covering their costs and, after four prizes in a row with little profit, Gates is concerned about dissent in the crew, and that Singleton is angling for the captaincy

Flint and Gates appear conspiratorial over the logbook, saying it proves that this is the ship, but Gates quickly spots the missing page, the schedule, without which the logbook isn’t very useful in leading them to the greater prize

“let me see if I have this right. This is the fourth prize in a row from which the profits will barely exceed the expenses it took to win it, Singleton’s out there trying to convince your crew to torture that poor bastard of a captain simply because he hasn’t worked out how to get them to do it to you, but all’s well, because you’ve discovered, that the information we can’t tell anyone we’re looking for, exists on a page, that we don’t have“

A Royal Navy Man-o-War, the Scarborough is spotted (unusual seeing as she’s based in Boston), and the Walrus leaves behind the merchant ship so it can get away

Belowdecks, the Bosun, Billy Bones (above) introduces Silver to Randall (below), who used to be the Bosun before him, before he was beaten to within an inch of his life and “lost his wits, but not their loyalty”. Randall is mistrustful of Silver, apparently because he feels like Silver is replacing him. Billy emphasises the equality of the pirate ship, that everyone should get the same food, including the captain & quartermaster

Gates tells Flint that Singleton plans to replace him, and now has the votes to do so. Flint tries to manipulate Gates into blaming himself, even though the crew’s poor morale is due to Flint’s seemingly poor choice of prizes to chases. Flint says that with a few more days, the schedule could be reconstructed from the logbook, but he’ll need a favour from Richard Guthrie who is responsible for selling all the goods the pirates steal. When Gates is skeptical that Guthrie will help them, Flint says they’ll just go back to normal and pretend none of this ever happened & Gates calls him out for lying

The Walrus arrives in Nassau, and the crew go ashore (below). One of the pirates tells Silver that it used to be English, now it isn’t, and that now it’s “ours”. Gates tells Billy that Flint is going to ask Guthrie for a favour and is likely to react badly when he refuses, and tells Billy to go with him and, when the time comes, restrain him, so they don’t lose Guthrie’s business. As Silver is unloading the cargo, he notices one of the logbooks is not among them and deduces the page must be from the missing volume and is in Flint’s quarters

Silver then gets hazed. He is accosted and told he needs to see Blackbeard, who “meets the new ones, no exceptions”. When thrust into a smoky room he’s told contains Blackbeard, he realises that the person in the throne is not, in fact, the pirate Edward Teach, but rather a prostitute. When he questions this, she opens her coat, revealing a large black bush. The pirates laugh, tell him to yell if he gets lost in there, and close the doors. As Silver is stripped, and has sex with the five prostitutes, he keeps glancing for the page that has fallen out of his clothes

Gates goes to speak to Eleanor Guthrie (below, left), in her tavern. She is introduced berating a captain for being scared of the mere whiff of the Navy rather than going for profit, and clapping back at a drunk pirate telling her to fuck herself. Gates warns Eleanor & her right-hand man, the former slave, Mr Scott (below, right) about Singleton’s plan to take over, and asks for a loan to buy the crew’s loyalty. Eleanor eventually agrees, but Mr Scott chides her, saying that he doesn’t think her father would approve

Max (below), one of the prostitutes from Silver’s hazing pours some tea as he scrambles for the page, which she already found, having noticed that despite having “a whore for every finger on your hand, but your eyes kept drifting to this”. Realising it’s valuable, but that Silver doesn’t know anyone to sell it to, she offers to act as a middle-man, in exchange for half

Gates enters a tent with several of the black pirates and negotiates with the eldest of them, who he knows the rest will follow, to buy their votes. Despite having spent the entirety of Eleanor’s loan on other sections of the crew, he persuades them to side with him in exchange for payment taken out of the next prize. Unfortunately for him, Jack Rackham (below) spots him and tells Singleton that Gates has been buying votes

Silver sneaks into Flint’s cabin aboard the ship with Max waiting in a rowing boat, where he finds the logbook and matches the page to it, but disturbs a feather Flint had left

Meanwhile, Flint has his meeting with Richard Guthrie (below), explaining his plan, how he heard of it, how the logbook confirms his lead, and that he needs Guthrie’s contacts to reconstruct the schedule

“Let me tell you a story, about a Spaniard named Vasquez. A few weeks ago, he staggers into a tavern in port royal, takes a seat next to an English merchant captain. Vasquez, it turns out, is dying, bleeding to death from a knife wound to the belly. The knife wound was courtesy of his former employer la Casa de Contratacion in Seville”

“Colonial Intelligence?”

“Navy, more specifically. One of the top agents in the Americas, responsible for the security of one particular ship, a ship with a cargo so rich, the king of Spain is very anxious to see it launched. Vasquez warned that it was too late, storm season was upon them and no escort could be mustered to guard her, but his superiors demanded that he sign off. They advised him that if he couldn’t arrange for an escort, he should plot a course unknown to anyone but our captain, and consider that route to be a state secret of the highest order. When Vasquez refused and threatened to report his concerns to the court things got ugly. The ship in question? Urca de Lima. The largest Spanish treasure galleon in the Americas. According to Vasquez, total cargo in excess of 5 million dollars”

Guthrie refuses to help, saying that the ship is heavily armed even without an escort, and that even making enquiries would jeopardise his standing with the Spanish. Flint twists his arm and goes to break his fingers, asking Billy to threaten Guthrie with his pistol, but Billy instead aims it at Flint

They hear a commotion outside, it’s the British! Captain Hume of the Scarborough to be precise. Billy, Flint, & Guthrie have all returned to their positions to maintain the pretence of respectability, but Hume isn’t buying it treating us to his pontifications on the relationship between gossip and civilisation, and attempts to take them all into custody. Flint & Billy resist, defeating the Navy men, but Guthrie is shot in the shoulder

“Tell me something, Mr Guthrie. Do you have gossip here?

“Gossip?”

“I’ve often wondered if it can survive in so remote a location. You see gossip is what holds civilisation together. It reinforces shame, and without shame, well, the world is a very dangerous place”

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand”

“Do you know what the gossip is in London about you? The gossip is that you make your profits selling ill-gotten cargo, stolen by the pirates of Providence Island”

Singleton confronts the leader of the black pirates about his change of heart. When they refuse to change back to his side, Anne Bonny (below right) appears together with Jack Rackham and she kills them

Before the leader is killed, Captain Charles Vane (below) comes out of the shadows too

Gates tells Mr Scott & Eleanor that he’s secured the votes, only to be told by one of the remaining black pirates that their leader was killed, and his last words were “Vane”. Eleanor decides to do something about Vane

Jack, Anne, & Vane are drinking in a brothel, and discuss their plan. Singleton will become captain, fail at it, and the skilled hands will then defect to their crew. We also find out that Jack & Anne are fucking. At this point, Eleanor storms in, and punches Vane. He punches her back and then offers her a hand to help her get back up. He follows her as she goes to clean up. She explains that he’s fucked her over, and we find out he used to love her and, despite grabbing her face, he still tucks her hair behind her ears suggesting conflicted feelings about that. She threatens to cut him off from selling goods, but vane points out that her father is the one who buys the goods, and he’ll always choose profits over daughters

Max sees that Eleanor has been hit, and leads Eleanor to her bedroom, hand-in-hand. She correctly guesses that Vane is the one who hit her and, when Eleanor blames herself she scoffs at it. She nurses Eleanor, they kiss, and then have sex

Flint & Billy sail away from Mr Guthrie’s mansion, with his pale, unconscious body. Flint strips Guthrie’s rings & wig, and explains that he plans to hide Mr Guthrie, so as to avoid panicking the crew when they find out their fence is burnt

Billy calls out Flint’s constant lying, and wonders if maybe Singleton is right, and they do need a change. This causes Flint to move aggressively towards Billy, but he puts his sword between them forcing Flint to keep his distance.

“War is coming, one ship is not the war. When a king brands us pirates, he doesn’t mean to make us adversaries, he doesn’t mean to make us criminals, he means to make us monsters, for that’s the only way his god-fearing taxpaying subjects can make sense of men who keep what is theirs and fear no-one. When I say there’s a war coming, I don’t mean with the Scarborough, I don’t mean with King George, or England. Civilisation is coming, and it means to exterminate us. If we are to survive, we must unite behind our own king”

“We have no kings here”

“I am your king”

Flint tells Gates about Guthrie, and finds out that whilst they were gone, Singleton has called a council to vote on him taking the captaincy. Flint takes a moment in his cabin and, whilst flinging some furniture, notices the feather Silver had disturbed

Taking the logbook to the council, Flint tells them of his plan, and accuses Singleton of having stolen the schedule from the logbook

"I’m sorry. For the short hauls. For the trouble I’ve caused. But most importantly, for the disregard it seems I’ve shown you

“The most important element of a healthy ship is trust. Trust between men. Trust between captain and crew. Without it, a ship is doomed

“For the past few months, you and I have been on the trail of a prize so rich, it could upset the very nature of our world. And for that reason, I felt it necessary to keep it secret

“I didn’t trust you. And that was my mistake. Right now I would like to tell you that prize is within our grasp and we are close, so close. But it would appear that my concerns about secrecy had merit

“Someone on this crew discovered my plans. And tore from this log the very page necessary to discover that prize. Stole it for their own gain. Stole it from us. And then, stoked your resentment to cover his crime, and make himself your captain”

Obviously, Singleton is confused, and protests that he doesn’t know anything about this. Gates points out that this is a serious accusation, thievery being punishable by death, and a false accusation likewise. Per the articles of the ship, Singleton must either submit to a trial (with Gates as judge, who Singleton does not consider would be impartial), or they can settle it by sword

This fight is analysed in a lot of detail by Matt Easton (a historical fencing instructor, well versed in military sabre of the late 19th and late 18th centuries, so only shortly after the period of the show) here (may contain spoilers for later in the show, I don’t remember). Flint has good form, and is clearly well-trained, but Singleton is stronger, tougher, and more ferocious, easily gaining the upper hand

There is some back and forth, with Flint temporarily gaining the advantage, before losing it again, ending up injured and covered in blood. He is finally able to grab a cannonball and smash Singleton on the head, before crawling over him and beating him to death in front of a shocked crew

Flint produces a piece of paper, seemingly from Singleton’s bloody corpse, and offers it to Billy (seeing this page, Silver confirms that he does in fact still have the real page). Billy opens it, sees that it’s a completely blank page, but as Flint coolly holds his gaze tells the crew that it is in fact the stolen schedule

“Friends, brothers, the prize that you and I have been pursuing, is l’Urca de Lima, the hulk, a prize of almost unimaginable value, now with this page securely in our possession, we can begin our hunt, and we will succeed, no matter the cost, no matter the struggle, I will see that prize is yours, I’m not just going to make you rich, I’m not just going to make you strong, I’m going to make you the princes of the new world!”

The crew all cheer whilst Billy, Gates, and Silver, who all know that this page is not real look on in disbelief

Max is called from her room, where we see Eleanor sleeping naked on the bed by Idelle, one of the other prostitutes. She goes down to meet Jack & Anne and, sitting on his lap (which Anne does not like), tells them she has something she thinks they may want to buy

#black sails #black sails content notes

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ramblingrachell · 4 years ago

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Have You Read This? The Election of 2020

Like many of us, I watched Hamilton on July 4th, 2020 – our nation’s birthday. I met the day with mixed emotions as the spirit and character of our nation as of late did not seem appropriate to celebrate.

As I watched the story about many of the nation’s founding fathers and first leaders unfold, I was struck by the parts of their personal trials and tribulations that went beyond their contribution to the nation. Hamilton was the first politician to be involved in a sex scandal; Layfette – an immigrant, unafraid to step in and become America’s favorite fighting Frenchmen; Washington – a slave owner willing to admit “it probable that I may have committed many errors;” Jefferson – gained wealth profiting from the work of slaves, one of which he fathered six children with after making her his mistress. Burr – the untried murderer of Alexander Hamilton, whom he killed while still holding office as the third Vice President of the United States. In short, a hot mess of moral contradictions. I have been listening to the Hamilton soundtrack ever since my first viewing on July 4th, and realized a number of lines in various songs could be strung together to reflect my perception (key word: my) of the current political climate. Over the last week or so, I finally sat down to string all of those poignant lines together (with a few liberties for relevant context), a lyrical short story I have dubbed, The Election of 2020 (seen further down, further down). The beauty of democracy that is reborn during election seasons is our ability to get a fresh start, gain new perspectives, correct past wrongs, and continually better this land of the free for generations to come. I saw a quote recently that described voting as not so much like trying to find the perfect partner for marriage, but rather like using a bus for public transport. Voting is a map of bus routes that you must choose from in order to get from point A to point B. There may not be one specific bus that is going to your exact destination, but that doesn’t mean you stay at home and give up on travel entirely. Voting is not about waiting for “the one” candidate who is absolutely perfect. Instead, you choose to get on the bus that gets you closest to where you want to be. I know and love many republicans and democrats that have used the privilege of voting to get us all closer to where we want the nation to be. To me, where we are right now does not seem to fit under either traditional party umbrella – no, it’s much more like an umbrella that has been turned inside out and torn apart by a calculated hurricane of divisive and selfish endeavors. Perhaps more than ever before, this is the time to reassess our voting bus routes that will get us from point A to point B. Are we moving from indifference to tolerance? Hate to love? Despair to hope? Chaos to consistency? Negligence to protection? Moreover, before you get on your bus of choice, remember the route is designed to get the whole of our nation where we want it to be. Not just for me and not just for you. For all of US – as in, all of the United States. We will never all agree, I know this, but in spite of these disagreements, I am reminded of the hope that comes from the story of Hamilton. Even 244 years into this nation’s story, despite many dramatic peaks and valleys, the journey to our shared, happily ever after epilogue lives on. It lives on in me, in you, and in every vote cast to get us where we want to be. Regardless of how your vote is cast, the courage to reexamine your route and get on that bus… well, that would be enough.

The Election of 2020

“America, you great unfinished symphony A place where even orphan immigrants Can leave their fingerprints and rise up We’re running out of time Eyes up Time's up Wise up He's not the choice I would have gone with History will prove him wrong Winning was easy for him Governing's harder Welcome, folks, to a dysfunctional administration! He stands only for himself It's what he does I can't apologize because it's true Have it all, lose it all The President is gonna bring the nation to the brink He’s the villain in our history Frankly, it's a little disquieting that so many are blind to this reality He doesn’t have an ounce of regret He accumulates debt, he accumulates power Yet in our hour of need, he forgets Ardently abuses his post It's hard to listen to him with a straight face Watching the tension grow He cannot be left alone to his devices Indecisive, from crisis to crisis Stay alive 'til this horror show is past We're gonna fly a lot of flags half-mast Chaos and bloodshed already haunt us How many died because he was inexperienced and ruinous? We're too fragile to start another fight Where do we draw the line? Someone oughta remind him We're running a real nation Him and his words, obsessed with his own legacy His sentences border on senseless And he is paranoid in every paragraph How they perceive him Let future historians wonder How he tore so much apart And watched it all burn I wish I could say what was happening in his brain He's not very forthcoming on any particular stances Ask him a question: he glances off, he obfuscates, he dances I will not equivocate on my opinion I didn't say anything that wasn't true His father's a scoundrel, and so, it seems, is this dude He is uniquely situated by virtue of his position Though 'virtue' is not a word I’d apply to this situation He seeks financial gain, straying from his sacred mission And the evidence suggests he’s engaged in speculation Why does he assume he’s the smartest in the room? Soon that attitude will be his doom He knows nothing of loyalty Smells like new money, dresses like fake royalty Desperate to rise above his station Everything he does betrays the ideals of our nation See how he lies Look at his eyes Follow the scent of his enterprise If we don't stop him, we aid and abet it Watching him grabbin' at power and kissin' it Somebody has to stand up to his mouth What do we stall for? If we stand for nothing, what'll we fall for?

Be careful with that one He will do what it takes to survive No one knows who he is or what he does His pride will be the death of us all God, we hope he’s satisfied This man has poisoned our political pursuits Destroyed our reputation I can almost see the headline, his “career” is done Ya best go run back where ya come from! This dude is out! You ever see somebody ruin their own life? History obliterates In every picture it paints It paints him and all of his mistakes It's him against us, the world will never be the same He better get ready for the moment of adrenaline Try not to crack under the stress When he finally faces his opponent They’ve fought on like seventy-five different fronts He smacks others in the press and doesn’t print retractions We're breaking down like fractions But when all is said and all is done I have beliefs, he has none Gotta get us out of the mess he’s got us in There’s a reason no one trusts him No one knows what he believes I get no satisfaction witnessing his fits of passion The way he primps and preens and dresses like the pits of fashion Our poorest citizens, our farmers, live ration to ration As Wall Street robs 'em blind in search of chips to cash in He’s askin' for someone to bring him to task While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket But the sun comes up And the world still spins I hear wailing in the streets There is suffering too terrible to name This is not a moment, it's a movement Are we a nation of states? What's the state of our nation? The issue on the table: We are engaged in a battle for our nation's very soul I’m past patiently waitin'. Let’s passionately smash every expectation For the first time, I’m thinkin' past tomorrow. We're gonna rise up - time to take a shot This nation better rise up Raise a glass to freedom Something they can never take away No matter what he tells us Look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now But we'll never be truly free Until those in bondage have the same rights as you and me Seek out injustice in the world and correct it Life doesn't discriminate Between the sinners And the saints It takes and it takes and it takes And we keep living anyway We laugh and we cry And we break But can l be real for a second? For just a millisecond? We gotta make an all-out stand Get him out of power So he holds no office We are a powder keg about to explode We gotta stop 'em and rob 'em of his advantages Let's take a stand with the stamina God has granted us We pick and choose our battles and places to take a stand We will fight for this land Summon all the courage that’s required Be a part of the narrative The story they will write someday How we emerged victorious Leaving the battlefield waving Betsy Ross' flag higher No one has more resilience Let’s move under cover and move as one We have one shot to live another day Don’t throw away this shot We will fight up close, seize the moment and stay in it And so the American experiment begins again We bleed and fight for the next generation We'll make it right for them If we lay a strong enough foundation We'll pass it on to them, we'll give the world to them For a strong central democracy We may never all agree, but There's only one man and woman Who can give us a command so we can rise up Throwing verbal rocks at his mediocrities What do you stall for? What was it all for? We studied and we fought For the notion of a nation we now get to rebuild Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness We fought for these ideals; we shouldn't settle for less I don't pretend to know All the challenges we’re facing But this once, take a stand with pride This is not the time to stand to the side Stand with us in the land of the free To get the people that we need to lead We need the votes We need bold strokes When there’s skin in the game, stay in the game We don't get a win unless we play in the game We may get love for it We may get hate for it We get nothing if we wait for it I wanna build something that's gonna outlive me I dream of a brand new start I want real leaders that can save the day We won't be invisible We won't be denied If we get this right The nation can start to move on It outlives us when we’re gone We are the one thing in life we can control We are inimitable, true originals We can’t stand still Or lie in wait We don't wanna fight, but We won't apologize for doing what's right Together we can turn the tide If we manage to get this right They'll surrender by early light We have no control Who lives, who dies, who tells our story But I know that we can win I know that greatness lies within us But remember from here on in History has its eyes on me and History has its eyes on you”

(All Lyric Credits: Hamilton: An America Musical. Performances by Lin-Manuel Miranda, Daveed Diggs, Renée Elise Goldsberry, Jonathan Groff, Christopher Jackson, Jasmine Cephas Jones, Leslie Odom Jr., Okieriete Onaodowan, Anthony Ramos Phillipa Soo, and Original Cast Company. Atlantic Records, 2015.)

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sineala · 5 years ago

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Author Meme

Author Name:

Sineala

Fandoms You Write For:

Currently, Marvel Comics. You may also remember me from The Eagle.

Where You Post:

AO3.

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story:

Thrust Issues (616), a 130,000-word Steve/Tony story in which Captain America has an extremely large penis and his BFF Iron Man would like to help him lose his virginity. I write only the finest and most classy of literature. It has eight sex scenes.

Favorite Story You Wrote:

Straight on till Morning (616), my Steve/Tony Star Trek AU. You mean I get to take two of my favorite fandoms and paste them together? I basically just had a whole lot of fun throwing in all my favorite tropes from both canons and trying to come up with a way to translate the Avengers characters into the Star Trek universe.

I'm also pretty proud of Double Time (616/Noir) because I feel like it was one of those stories that came off exactly how I imagined it in my head and that almost never happens.

Story You Were Nervous to Post:

Chosen Man (The Eagle), which I wrote when I first got into the fandom, then waited about two years without posting it, and then finally posted it when the fandom was mostly dead. I didn't have an outline and I actually didn't have a beta and I just kept writing until it looked like somehow I had an ending. (I also did pretty much the same thing with Arcadia (Pros). I guess I like to finish novel-length stories and then wait years before posting them. I have a lot of anxiety, okay? I sign up for challenges because otherwise I would literally never post anything.)

How Do You Choose Your Titles:

I was going to say it's all song titles but maybe it's more like 50% song titles. Most of the Eagle stories are quotations in Latin. I have a rule for myself that I'm not allowed to title the story in Latin unless it's actually set in Ancient Rome.

Do You Outline:

Definitely. I wouldn't be able to remember what was supposed to happen without it.

Complete:

263 stories. Ha. Um. Yes. Well. No, wait, there's that unfinished Eagle space AU story. 262, I guess. Maybe I should just mark that complete. It kind of has an ending? A couple of the stories are translations of Latin fic (mostly mine) into English.

In-Progress:

When My Heart Bleeds: The Madame Masque story that was going to be one of my RBBs this spring before RL intervened. An established-relationship Steve/Tony AU of the Avengers v3 Nefaria Protocols arc. Featuring Whitney Frost (of course), a whole lot of hurt/comfort, a very familiar flophouse, Tony's alcoholism rearing its ugly head, a very protective and occasionally terrifying Steve, and a bunch of Avengers attempting to do the right thing based on extremely limited information. Status: done, currently in beta. 150,000 words.

Untitled Star Trek AU Sequel: Steve and Tony are on the worst shore leave ever, and it's getting worse by the minute. The fate of the Federation hangs in the balance. It was supposed to be a nice relaxing shore leave and then everything went wrong. Currently 100,000 words and I am supposed to be working on it now so we will see how this goes. Still near the end of chapter 3 (out of 6). I’m going to finish! I swear! I wrote some words last night!

MTH 2018 Collaboration With Kiyaar: We've got... ideas. Definitely we have several of those. We're gonna destroy you.

Coming Soon/Not Yet Started:

My ideas file is huge. Here are some of the more complicated ideas and not the ones that are just, like, “Steve in his commercial art days ends up drawing gay porn for rent money" or “the RT node breaks Tony’s dick.”

1930s Thoroughbred racing AU: Steve is a jockey. Tony is an owner/trainer. Together, they're going to try to win the Triple Crown. And, you know, fall in love. And there will probably be some h/c as Steve will probably fall off a horse or two.

All-Time Low sequel(s): I swear I'm going to fix them, and that means h/c all the way up to the blizzard.

Double Time sequel: I don't know if I'm really going to write this, but it would be fun. It would be 616 Director/Commander -- Secret Invasion but this time it goes better because Steve is alive and that way Tony can actually focus on things that are not all-consuming grief. Also, this time Steve would know the Illuminati exist.

Other Star Trek AU: Assuming I am not completely burned out on Star Trek AUs after finishing the SotM sequel, Phoenix keeps drawing art for an entirely different Star Trek AU (trust me, it would be an entirely different Star Trek AU) and I would very much like to write something for it because it delights me so much.

Secret Sub Steve: That D/s AU I posted the premise of a while back, in which Steve is a sub (frankly, a pretty terrible sub) and Rebirth is intended to make him a dom. It does not, and Steve has to lie about who he is as he falls apart more and more... and then he meets Tony, who turns out to be the dom he has been waiting for.

Another D/s AU: In which Steve and Tony meet on an anonymous hook-up site and, gosh, they get along so well, these two complete strangers. It's like they've known each other for years.

Time-travel identity porn: A ToS-era story after Tony is Iron Man but before the Avengers show up, in which he is visited by a man from the future who says his name is Steve Rogers, he says he needs Tony's help to get home, he knows a whole lot of things about Tony that no one else does, and he's very, very easy to fall for.

Do You Accept Prompts:

Not outside of fannish auction situations; it stresses me out too much to try to write fic to specifications, but I make an exception for charity. Speaking of which, I am offering another story for MTH this year, and this time I promise it's going to be a short one (5k or so), so I will definitely finish it. So if you’ve ever wanted me to write you something short and sweet (or short and heartwrenching, you know, whichever), I can make that happen.

Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write:

I dunno, man. Either the sub Steve story or the ATL sequels. Honestly, I will just be happy to be finally done with the WIPs I am working on now. They are SO LONG.

Tagged By:

@mizzy2k

Tagging:

Anyone who wants to do it!

#posts i actually wrote

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disenchantedfaerie · 5 years ago

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Welcome to my TED talk. It’s been a while since I went on a rant. Happy Sunday.

I’ve been sitting in the wings watching for a time. Absolutely nothing has changed. SH isn’t sorry about his covidiocy. He’s been rewarded with a new show. He’s been rewarded with a part in Cree’s funny little diddy on IG. He’s been rewarded with his obsessed stalker number one fan, you know who I’m STILL referring to, who has taken it upon herself to win him an Emmy. I hate to break it to her, it ain’t happening. He was not however rewarded with a role in the new Zach Levi biopic about American QB Kurt Warner. Remember, SH alluded to possibly being in a flick about football? Well, it ain’t gonna be this one. I love Zachary Levi (SHAZAM!) and it’ll be great seeing him portray KW. ZL is a great actor with an amazing range and nice body. And he can sing!! He’s also got personality for days and wow, not so much controversy revolving around him.

I know there is a growing faction of people who are disappointed in him. I know there’s a growing number of people who have seen the “change” and don’t like it. I know he’s losing the respect of many. In response to this, if he even gives a shit, he’s still doubling down. He’s very limited in his interactions on SM. He throws a line to a chosen few. I think he’s still throwing bones to shippers. She’s married people. She’s married to someone who isn’t SH, please accept it and get over yourselves. Ship the characters all you want but your fantasy should have ended the second he posted his bullshit from HI with the ever entertaining 🐰. Or do you think they have an open relationship and he’s allowed, once a year, to bone someone else? (Things to ponder).

What I love lately is how Mr. I’m a normal guy chooses the most pingy picture of himself to post for Save The Arts. He also retweeted one of the new kids from Stranger Things talking about the dynamic of her character being a lesbian and how that brought her character and the male character opposite her closer. And of course he retweeted JB coming out in Vogue. Are you trying to tell us something, Mr. Normal Guy? Mr. I’m nothing like my character? That video also spoke to men and women being friends after you take sex out of the dynamic. On one hand he feeds the ship and on the other he tears it down. He plays both sides and it’s funny more people don’t see that.

America celebrated Indepence Day yesterday. He took this as an opportunity to shill his overpriced, blended swill. It’s so predictable. It’s so cheesy. It’s so completely gross. He’s in this for the money, my friends. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can move on with your lives or move on to the next ship, the next show, the next up and coming young stud.

I’m not even gonna touch this new Formula 1 bullshit. Again, it’s feed a shipper Sunday for both of them. 🙄

I still have hope that he finds his way someday. I hope he seeks and receives the help he, in my opinion, desperately needs for his anxiety, depression, personality disorder. I doubt he will. Attention is attention is attention and good or bad he fucking loves it. His mommies keep giving it to him and as such they coddle him. Until he suffers something great, and by no means am I wishing anything bad on him, he will never learn.

As always, I’ll be watching and I’ll be posting.

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buckyistired · 6 years ago

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Why Bucky Barnes Isn’t Damaged Goods, Take Two

Since tumblr is a big ol butthead and ate my first post on the subject, and I apparently write essays on Bucky Barnes for fun, here is take two on why Bucky Barnes isn’t damaged goods. Why should I care enough to spend another several hours re-writing this? Because it is not ok to call survivors of traumatic events damaged. Period. End of story. It was a lousy choice of words that could easily be misinterpreted, and I would have been willing to leave it at that, if the writers and directors didn’t keep talking and digging that hole a little deeper. So...here we go. Again. I’m on my soapbox and the view is great.

In less than an hour of screen time over seven films, the Marvel Cinematic Universe gave us a complex, beloved character that walks the line between victim and villain with a murder-strut swagger. Bucky Barnes is as lonesome and dangerous as he is charming and sarcastic. Many fans have fallen in love or seen themselves reflected in Bucky’s trials and triumphs; he’s truly an awesome, multi-faceted character, but unfortunately, fans seem to be of the few who realize this.

Recent comments made by both MCU directors and writers regarding Bucky’s mental state have…bothered me and I thought, well, let’s examine the evidence that Bucky is damaged, shall we?

Obligatory disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional; I have PTSD and use these strategies myself, but nothing I’ve written should preclude you from seeking a professional opinion if you need it. Talking with a therapist about my PTSD helped me get light years ahead in terms of recovery. Whatever path you choose, take care of you.

What is PTSD?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it.

Does Bucky Barnes have PTSD?

By definition, Bucky has experienced or witnessed the following traumatic events:

WWII. Bucky served as an active soldier during WWII, in the trenches and on the battlefields. He was a distinguished sniper and a Sergeant, which means he witnessed and contributed to the war effort to an even further degree. Many soldiers had “battle fatigue” or “shell shock” during the war; it is not unlikely that Bucky would have experienced this from WWII alone if he had survived and returned home.

Prisoner of War. Bucky was captured and tortured as a prisoner of war, not once, but twice. He was experimented on in his time in Azzano, before he was captured again by Zola/Hydra.

The Fall. Bucky shouldn’t have survived the fall from the train in the Alps. He watched as Steve tried to save him and failed, and he was cognizant as he fell to his presumed death and as he was then captured.

Disability. As established in flashback scenes, Bucky was conscious when he fell from the train and as he was being pulled through the snow by his captors (who he may have assumed were saviors at that point, double ouch). He woke up to his arm being removed and replaced. This kind of permanent change to his body would be difficult enough to work through in a peaceful recovery environment. We know that Bucky didn’t get that luxury.

Hydra/The Winter Soldier decades. The cryochamber. Being strapped to a table and experimented on. The chair. Having no control over your own mind or body. Being forced to murder; being trapped in a continuous war. This torture lasted for 70 years.

Civil War. Free from Hydra, Bucky is trying to live the good life, keep his head down, and stay out of trouble. Then boom, he’s blamed for a bombing that kills how many people? And he’s right in the middle of Tony and Steve’s fallout? Oh, and he loses his arm, again? And then he willingly goes back into cryofreeze? Ok. That’s like 16 traumatic events in the space of 24-48 hours, also known as Bucky Barnes and the No Good Very Bad Day.

Battle Against Thanos and The Snapture, Part 1. Just as Bucky gets to the point where he’s living the good live and recovering from the trauma that has been pretty much his entire life, Thanos shows up, and Bucky is off to another battlefield. Then, he dies. Sort of. Again. How many times is this now?

Battle Against Thanos and The Snapture, Part 2. Bucky gets unsnapped and has approximately two seconds of “yay!” before he is again fighting on a battlefield for his life and the lives of those he cares about and oh, for the entire world.

A common thread here is that all of these traumatic experiences included a near brush with death or a near constant threat to his person. We don’t even really know the extent of the trauma Bucky endured when he was captured by Hydra. Regardless, I just listed eight different traumatic events that Bucky has experienced or witnessed. I think, yes, it’s safe to say that poor Bucky has PTSD, big-time.

So, is Bucky Barnes damaged?

No. Bucky Barnes is an individual who have survived more than his fair share of traumatic events, and as such, his brain has had to compensate for how he thinks, processes, and responds to stimuli. He does, at one point, suffer from literal brain damage from the chair, but we are shown in Black Panther that Shuri has healed the physical damage to his brain.

If Bucky experienced permanent damage from his trauma, he would be incapable of living his life. Literally. If he suffered from PTSD and did not actively try to take measures to cope with it, he would not be able to function; his brain wouldn’t let him. (In my opinion, he still would not be “damaged” because people with mental health issues are still people who deserve respect and shouldn’t be talked about like feral animals, but hey, moving past ableist language is apparently too much to ask and I digress).

Anyways, my point is that Bucky is not only aware of his condition, but actively takes steps to treat it, therefore, he cannot be of a damaged mind. And I’m gonna prove it.

Bucky Barnes: PTSD Symptoms and Coping Strategies

Bucky exhibits both positive and negative coping strategies throughout the films as his journey to recovery progresses, sometimes back to back, which is a great, realistic choice, because it shows that recovery is not linear.

Avoidance

Avoidance occurs when a person avoids thoughts or feelings about a traumatic event; it can interfere with emotional recovery and healing and is a common reaction to trauma.

The first step in treating any illness is recognizing the need for treatment. In Captain America: The First Avenger we see Bucky actively avoid recognizing his trauma after being rescued from Azzano. He’s putting on a strong face in the name of avoidance (“Let’s hear it for Captain America!”) but he’s also suffering.

Source: https://cogentranting.tumblr.com/post/174225812218/comic-bucky-phdna-bluandorange-edgebug

There’s an additional scene in this film that, while played for laughs and parallels between Bucky and Steve, has always meant more to me. When the Howlies are all gathered in a bar, drinking, laughing, and having a good time, Bucky is by himself in the back room (avoiding friends) where it’s quiet (avoiding loud disturbances that could rock him) and he can keep an eye on his surroundings (being overly alert). His uniform is disheveled and he’s lost that cocky Sergeant Barnes signature look. When Peggy walks in and completely ignores him, this is Bucky’s reaction:

Source: https://steviebarnes.tumblr.com/post/181821865007/steve-little-shit-rogers

I don’t think Bucky was exaggerating here. Everything he’s been through lately is a horrible dream. We don’t talk about this scene enough in terms of how it shows Bucky’s vulnerability; it’s really the first hint we have that Bucky has lost a part of himself during this war.

Engaging in Dangerous Behavior/Overworking

In Captain America: The First Avenger, we witness Bucky deploying a negative coping strategy for the first time: over dedication to his work that suggests he’s overcompensating as a way of avoiding thinking about his trauma. Engaging in reckless or dangerous behavior also is a symptom of PTSD. Bucky continuously experiences new stressful situations, which ultimately will extend his healing time. For example, he willingly goes on a mission to capture Zola, the man who strapped him to a lab table and pumped him full of knock-off super soldier serum. Seeing the doctor again would be enough to trigger Bucky into an episode but he goes anyways because his dedication to the mission is more important to him than his mental stability.

Source: https://n-barnes.tumblr.com/post/170542194046/bucky-with-the-guns

Now, this is still an active war zone. The necessity of the Howling Commando missions to win the war means that Bucky doesn’t really have time to process what’s happened to him; he’s incapable of coping in a healthy way at this point and charging forward, continuing to work, is the only way he knows how to survive.

Bucky has a bad habit of not avoiding his triggers when he feels the mission is more important than his mental health. A common theme throughout every film is that Bucky is put into one dangerous situation right after another, usually immediately following a five minute breather.

In Captain America: The Winter Soldier, we see glimpses of Bucky Winter being pulled in and out of cryofreeze, placed on mission after mission. The one time we begin to see that there’s more to Winter than they’d have us believe is when Bucky’s memories surface for a hot minute in the bank vault. He has about 30 seconds of downtime where he’s aware and then…wipe him. Back on the mission to kill Captain America. Everything about his time as the Winter Soldier was dangerous; it’s not like Hydra really cared about his physical or mental health. All those years of trauma and overworking probably crashed down on Bucky, hard, the moment he was in control of his own mind again and able to rest. And his brain was in physical shambles on top of it. Poor Bucky.

Source: https://mishasteaparty.tumblr.com/post/93678343244/prep-him

Similarly, in Captain America: Civil War, we get this amazing scene:

Source: https://mackievanstan.tumblr.com/post/176453875698/let-him-rest

And another in Avengers: Infinity War:

Source: https://mackievanstan.tumblr.com/post/176453875698/let-him-rest

Once again, Bucky keeps getting thrown back into the middle of a fight when he needs to be resting. This is a very, very bad idea. Super bad. Could really fuck with Bucky’s mental health permanently, bad. This is pretty much the definition of overworking to a detrimental degree.

But what I really love about his reactions in both of these scenes is that he knows exactly how poor of an idea it is. He knows continuing to fight isn’t good for him and he’s exhausted. He goes willingly anyways, but he has this amazing control over himself at this point. Every single fight could have Bucky experiencing an episode and losing himself to the trauma; he doesn’t. (To be fair, I think this is what the Russos were hinting at but they could have worded it so much better). Bucky could have walked away. He could have surrendered in Bucharest, he could have hidden in Wakanda. He fought anyways.

This shows just how complex Bucky’s PTSD really is and how well he’s coping with it: he’s engaging in dangerous behaviors which could trigger him, but he’s doing so with awareness and self-actualization. He’s got a handle on himself. These coping behaviors directly contradict the Russos’ statement that you “don’t want to give another weapon to that guy, it could end up being used the wrong way.” With the exception of being literally triggered with the Winter Soldier code words (which are no longer a threat because good job, Shuri), Bucky fights the good fight every single time. He doesn’t go rogue. He doesn’t lose himself.

Yeah, if that doesn’t make him a hero, I don’t know what further proof I can provide, because he does this in literally every single film.

Active Coping

Active coping means accepting the impact of trauma on your life, taking direct action to improve things, and creating habits that help you respond to everyday life in a positive manner. Avoiding triggers - people, places, anniversaries, or other reminders of the traumatic event - can be a healthy coping strategy.

The first time we see Bucky take a step toward positive active coping is in Captain America: The Winter Soldier:

Source: https://thatpleasantnightmare.tumblr.com/post/147118407198

Bucky just escaped being a prisoner, was injured in a gruesome fight with his best friend, and is now on the run. What’s one of the first things he does? Research. More than that, in this scene, Bucky is clean, in civilian clothing of his choosing, and appears to have treated his injuries from the fight on the carriers. His eyes are clear and although he is in a public (read: dangerous) setting, he’s aware of his surroundings, has a calm grip on reality, and is processing information. This is Bucky taking the first step to actively reclaiming his identity. This is when we see him begin to heal and he’s doing it on his own. He’s on step one of learning to actively cope: accepting the impact of the trauma on your life.

Bucky continues to exhibit positive coping strategies on his own as time moves forward, as we see in Captain America: Civil War. By the time we meet up with Bucky in Romania, he’s already taken direct action to improve his situation. When we first see Bucky, he’s at a local market, smiling and engaging in conversation with a vendor while he buys produce. He looks good; is physically fit, is practicing hygiene, and is in clean clothes that protect his identity.

Source: https://buckybgrnes.tumblr.com/post/174829011372

I love this scene and specifically the way Sebastian played it, because we see Bucky exhibit positive and negative coping strategies nearly back to back. As he’s trying for normal, he’s also hyper aware of his surroundings, unwilling to let his guard down. He’s scanning for anything that could trigger him or endanger his health, but he is aware. Staying alert and on guard is a classic symptom of PTSD.

Source: https://kittyseb.tumblr.com/post/144559460240/this-whole-scene-of-bucky-on-the-streets-of

However, we have to understand that Bucky’s situation requires this sort of hyper vigilance. He’s a wanted man, both by Hydra and the CIA, and he’s actively being hunted. So although Bucky is displaying a classic symptom of PTSD, what we see here is him deploying a positive strategy for coping. By staying aware to his surroundings, he’s protecting himself. This is opposite to the kind of harmful behavior we should expect from him at this point in his recovery. He’s by himself, without any support, and has to look over his shoulder every block to make sure that he’s safe. Extreme hyper vigilance would show being Bucky afraid to leave his apartment altogether. Again, while he is suffering and displaying symptoms of active post traumatic stress, he’s also actively coping by taking direct action to improve his circumstances and creating habits that improve his daily life.

Through the entirety of the Romania scene in Captain America: Civil War, we catch glimpses of other healthy habits and positive coping strategies Bucky has developed.

Practicing Mindfulness

One really great blink-and-you-miss-it detail from the film is the existence of Bucky’s journals. As Steve goes through Bucky’s stuff (really, Steve?), you see him pick up a journal from the top of Bucky’s fridge. Inside are notes, memories, and references, categorized and marked by tabs. This is one of my favorite examples of Bucky using another strategy for coping with PTSD: mindfulness.

Source: a shitty screenshot I took from the movie.

Mindfulness: a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique. Mindfulness may help people get back in touch with the present moment, as well as reduce the extent with which they feel controlled by unpleasant thoughts and memories.

This is an extremely positive practice for Bucky, because at this point in the films, he’s still suffering from brain damage and memory loss. We see several examples of Bucky shaking his head, blinking, and losing himself to possible memories throughout the films. Journaling, as a way to capture those memories, categorize them, and begin rebuilding a timeline of his life, can help Bucky identify his triggers, work through episodes, and ultimately distinguish between past memories and the present, enabling him to regain control of his mind.

Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle

When Bucky appears on screen, we see that he’s physically fit and obviously taking care of himself. We can assume that during his time as the Winter Soldier, Hydra kept Bucky in peak physical condition in order to succeed in every mission. Whether that was through training, supplements, drugs, the super soldier serum, etc., we don’t know. We don’t see Bucky continuing this training, but we do see the results of it. He’s capable of fighting, obviously maintaining his strength, and he’s able to run away.

Source: https://captaincentenarian.tumblr.com/post/149852437382/bucky-running-majestic-hair-appreciation

We also witness Bucky making healthy choices in terms of food. He’s got energy/protein bars in his apartment, snacks readily available, pots and pans which would imply he has been cooking, and even a thermos to keep himself hydrated. He’s doing his best to maintain his physical health, which in and of itself is a very positive coping method. He could be depressed, lost in his own mind, never getting out of bed. But Bucky wants to survive, he wants to be better, and so he takes care of himself. This is a good thing.

If you haven’t seen it, please read this post about Bucky’s apartment, because it hits on so many great points about how Bucky is taking care of himself.

Recognizing and Avoiding Triggers

Now for as many positive steps Bucky has taken to actively cope with having PTSD, he’s got awful luck when it comes to avoiding his triggers. It’s two steps forward, one step back, every time.

At the beginning of Captain America: Civil War, Bucky is trying his damndest to avoid being caught. But stupid Zemo has other plans.

Look, it’s hard for me to describe what happens next in the film. The way that Sebastian played these scenes will never not give me chills. We get an up close and personal view of Bucky’s PTSD in ways we’ve only caught glimpses of up until now; I don’t know what Sebastian researched in order to create this performance, but it is so spot on that it’s difficult to watch. I wish he got more credit for his acting and it’s a damn waste that he only had 30 seconds of screen time in subsequent movies. *sigh*

Anyways...

We see the acceptance and the fear in Bucky’s eyes as the CIA takes him into custody. He’s maintaining his composure, more than he should be capable of doing at this point, and he’s also letting himself slip into a safe zone (“I don’t want to talk about it.”). Until Zemo begins reading the trigger words.

Source: https://cvssian.tumblr.com/

Good grief, y’all. Look at him struggling. Bucky literally tried to fight his way out of being triggered, but he failed. Every fear he’s had for the past several years is happening. He’s losing control of his mind, of everything he’s worked so hard for up to this point. I don’t want to look too far into this as a commentary on Bucky’s character, because I don’t think the writers meant for it to be the deep - it serves more as a plot point to get us to the war part of Civil War - but if you stop and examine it for just a second, this scene is an absolute outrage. I can’t believe this happened to Bucky’s mind. They turned him into a weapon, again. They stripped him of years of hard work and recovery.

Source: https://brolinjosh.tumblr.com/

Thankfully - thankfully - one quick hit to the head later, and Bucky’s back. Not only is he aware of his surroundings, he’s cognizant enough to try playing dumb to Sam and Steve at first. I like the conversation that takes place between Bucky and Steve here, because Bucky was smart enough to give Steve exactly what he needed to hear to prove that Bucky was no longer a threat. We don’t talk about Bucky’s raw intelligence enough, likely because we’re always talking about his grief, and this scene gives us one of the rare moments in the film where we get to witness Bucky strategizing. He was just triggered, his brain is mush, he just lost control of himself, and then immediately after, he’s back on mission. We’re back to avoidance/no time to process. Bucky tucks being triggered as Winter into his back pocket to be dealt with on another day.

Remember how I said Bucky keeps getting thrown into fights, one after another? Guess what.

Source: https://captaincentenarian.tumblr.com/post/149852437382/bucky-running-majestic-hair-appreciation

There are a lot of significant, interesting parallels happening between Captain America: The First Avenger and Captain America: Civil War. The plot goes like this: Bucky was captured and actively tortured; Steve rescued him; they have no time to discuss what’s just happened and deal with it; and then Bucky is forced into another fight before he’s ready.

We can draw a lot of comparisons between the Howlies and Team Cap here and I wish that they had made the effort to explore this more in the film. This is the first time Bucky and Steve are fighting on the same team again since the war. Bucky is following Steve’s lead, even though he doesn’t know the people he’s fighting with/against, and he’s doing it because it’s for the greater good. They have to stop the other winter soldiers; the mission always comes first.

The biggest difference between the two films - and Bucky’s current state of mind - is that in The First Avenger, Bucky was actively avoiding recognizing his trauma after very similar events occurred, and in Civil War, not only does Bucky acknowledge what happened to him, we get this very poignant scene that’s both beautiful and devastating:

Source: https://bifelicitys.tumblr.com/post/182734674220/what-you-did-all-those-years-it-wasnt-you-you

This is a healthy outlook of acceptance and Bucky arrived there with nearly no outside assistance up to this point. This man has been through hell and back in the past 24 hours, on top of a hundred years of tragedy, and instead of breaking down as any reasonable person would, he fights. He has a long way to go in his recovery, but look how far he’s gotten on his own. And this is before Shuri’s help. Bucky’s willpower, tenacity, and depth of character never ceases to amaze me.

This is especially true with what happens next. You know how I said Bucky has awful luck in avoiding his triggers? Well...does walking back into the base of your own free volition where you were held prisoner and tortured for decades, count as maybe, oh I dunno, an event that should be avoided at all costs?

I’m being sarcastic but the depth of this moment shouldn’t be overlooked. Bucky going back to Siberia after everything he’s been through is a huge step backwards for his recovery. Siberia is crawling with triggers, from the threat of the other soldiers, to the cryo chambers, to the chair that wiped his memories and turned him into the Winter Soldier. The amount of bravery it took for Bucky Barnes to walk back into this place can’t be measured. He’s looking his history dead in the eyes with a shaky finger on a trigger and the fact that he doesn’t crack is astounding.

But then...this happens.

Source: https://tonystark.co/post/165333715841/buckys-facial-expressions-as-tonys-watches-the

I can barely stand to watch this because we are seeing Bucky actively having a PTSD episode. As the tape plays, Bucky is dissociating; he’s not there in the room with Steve and Tony, he’s back on the country road where he killed the Starks. The fear and the tears in his eyes, the recognition of what’s playing on the tape, and the knowledge of what’s about to happen are too much. His reaction here shows that he’s barely in control. He immediately responds to Tony lunging at him by raising his gun, an instinctive response, only to lower his weapon seconds later because of the acceptance of what he’s done. This is brutal and heartbreaking and very real.

It gets worse.

Source: https://itsawkwardfanboi.tumblr.com/post/176703555531/breaks-my-heart-seeing-him-about-to-pass-out

Bucky snapped in desperation and we witness him lose control in his battle with PTSD. It is very common for fight or flight to kick in under extreme circumstances and pressure; Bucky tried to escape, to avoid this outcome, but he couldn’t. The only thing he had left was to fight. We see Bucky lose control, not as Tony is threatening him, but because Steve is threatened. Bucky was fighting Tony, not to harm him, but to stop him, and not to protect himself, but to protect Steve. It’s an entirely different fighting style than Winter; it’s meant to disarm, not to destroy. Even though Bucky just experienced multiple triggers and traumatic events in a short timeframe, even though he is smack dab right in the middle of a traumatic episode, he still only wants to stop the fight, not kill. This is another example of how the Russos’ comments were unfair and incorrect. Bucky doesn’t go on murderous rampages; he tries to do what’s right. And what happens to him because of it?

He loses. Every single time.

Source: https://marvelworlduniverse.tumblr.com/post/172306346232

I will never forgive the writers for making Bucky lose his arm twice. Bucky has a real disability and it has always bothered me that his arm is only ever discussed as a weapon. The trauma from losing his arm the first time was never properly dealt with and here we are again, recycling that awful, painful, horrible plot point. There comes a certain point where you’ve hurt the characters enough and it does nothing for their character development. The grief, pain, and acceptance we see in Bucky’s eyes as he’s lying there wrecks me. He didn’t need to experience this. He’s been through enough. I don’t know how he’s still physically alive or not mentally lost without hope of recovery. But he is. He gets back up. And you know what he does next?

He asks for help.

Asking for Support

An important part of recovery is having a team of people around you to support you when times are tough. It is amazing to me that Bucky got as far as he did in his recovery, finding positive coping strategies and habits on his own while on the run.

Source: https://juliastiles.tumblr.com/post/178049225734/captain-america-civil-war-2016-dir-anthony

The acknowledgement of Bucky’s trauma in this scene was poignant and bittersweet and I’m very glad they included it, although I feel Steve here. It was sad to see Bucky go back into cryo, but it was necessary until the triggers could be safely removed.

And they were. This is my biggest issue with what the Russos said - they seemed to have either forgotten or refused to acknowledge what happened in Black Panther, when Shuri successfully removed the triggers and healed Bucky’s brain damage (cough, I know which one I’m placing my bets on, cough). We don’t disrespect Shuri like that in this house.

Source: http://stevechoosesbucky.tumblr.com/post/173521604559

From this point forward, Bucky’s brain is no longer damaged. He is no longer experiencing memory loss, nor is he capable of being triggered into Winter Soldier mode. Yes, he still has PTSD. Yes, he will need to continue to work on his recovery, just like Steve, just like Sam. And he does.

Speaking of Sam, this tidbit from Avengers: Endgame is really satisfying.

Source: https://paper-storm.tumblr.com/post/184537376766/can-we-talk-for-a-second-about-how-bucky-was-a

This moment is important because it shows that 1) Bucky is still very vulnerable and dealing with a lot of grief; the last time he saw Tony wasn’t exactly on the best of terms and now Bucky can never make up for what he did, and 2) Sam is an invaluable person to have at your side and a very, very good friend.

It’s hard to tell where we will go from here in the series/the next round of films, but I have a suggestion for a direction: get Bucky back to his positive coping strategies. Such as...

Spending Time Outdoors/With Animals

Before the battle in Avengers: Infinity War, we catch up with Bucky doing something seemingly very out of character: farming. Look, my blog name is Bucky the Farmer, it should tell you all you need to know about how much this tickled me when I first saw it. But upon further reflection, I realized how important this activity actually is.

Source: https://steverogersnotebook.tumblr.com/post/179505503935/bucky-in-wakanda-initial-recovery-vs-settled

It’s been shown that spending time in nature and around animals can have positive soothing effects on people who are recovering from trauma. Have you ever gone on a nice walk after a bad day to calm your mind, or spent a few minutes petting a dog? Do you exercise as a form of stress relief? It’s the same thing.

But what we’re also seeing here is Bucky taking responsibility for living beings beyond himself. He’s also interacting with children, an innocent and safe way to re-socialize himself. At this point, Bucky is past the stages of recovery where he needs to avoid, acknowledge, or actively cope with his trauma. He’s healing. He’s moving forward and learning how to live again, not just surviving day by day.

What happens next?

Prior to The Snapture, Bucky’s life was in Wakanda. Avengers: Endgame left quite a few stones unturned when it comes to Bucky’s future; we know that he’s in New York, that he won’t carry the shield, and seemingly, he and Sam are friends. He might hang out with Old Steve every now and again, visit his home in Brooklyn, or get a few goats. Maybe he’ll go back to Wakanda. Maybe he’ll be a part of the Avengers. We don’t know what Bucky will do next.

Regardless as to what happens, Bucky is in a good place. He’s experienced loads of trauma, but the physical and mental effects have been treated. His brain is not damaged and he’s continuing to recover. And when he’s ready, which I believe will be sooner than we think, he’s going to kick utter ass.

Bucky is still one of the most badass characters to ever be created; he’s efficiently deadly, a skilled fighter, the world’s best assassin. Those skills haven’t disappeared because he’s now in control of himself (and, some of those skills he had before he was the Winter Soldier; they were what made him a prime candidate in the first place. Remember, the Winter Soldier was supposed to be an equal foe to Captain America).

But he’s also so much more. Bucky has chosen to be morally good. A man who knows he can be the deadliest person in the room but chooses not to be is powerful. Is this not a direct callback to Erskine’s conversation with Steve in The First Avenger? Remember, Captain America is not a perfect soldier. He is a good man.

Bucky Barnes is a good man, no matter what trauma he’s experienced. So is Sam Wilson.

I absolutely believe it was the right choice for Sam to take up the shield at this moment in time. Let’s just get that out of the way, no Sam hate here. But I have a problem with the idea that Bucky couldn’t take up the shield because “he’s damaged” and that’s why it went to Sam instead. The Russos’ statements were insulting to both characters. Sam didn’t get the shield because Bucky wasn’t ready to carry it; Sam got the shield because it was right and he earned it. Sam deserves to be Cap just as much as Bucky deserves to take a damn nap. They don’t need to knock Bucky down in order to lift Sam up. It was a deliberate choice of words and it was wrong.

On some level, I understand what the writers and directors were trying to say: Bucky simply isn’t ready. And yet, they continue to speak about Bucky as if he’s weak, a villain, and permanently broken; I don’t think they can truly grasp how much of a complex and compelling character he really is. They had years to prepare a wise, thoughtful answer to the question of Bucky’s future and instead, they spouted off some ableist bullshit. They could take this character that embodies so much of what’s good and evil, right and wrong, fearful and hopeful, and use him to speak to hundreds if not thousands of individuals about the importance of never giving up and letting yourself find peace. They do this perfectly with Steve (“I can do this all day”) and Sam (“Are you going to carry it in a big suitcase or little man-purse?”) but why not with Bucky?

We just don’t know. But Bucky Barnes surely deserves better.

Source: https://captain-flint.tumblr.com/post/184564356218/bucky-barnes-in-avengers-endgame-looking-like-a

Recovering from trauma is an ongoing, nonlinear process. All Marvel characters have gone through some form of traumatic events and recovery. Bucky has experienced more than his fair share, but he will always survive, because that’s what he does. Now, he has the opportunity to thrive, if only the writers and directors will let him.

Sources:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-traumatic-stress-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355967

https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/what/index.asp

https://www.ptsd.va.gov/gethelp/selfhelp_coping.asp

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/ptsd-symptoms-self-help-treatment.htm/

#bucky barnes deserves better #bucky barnes #avengers: endgame #endgame #russo brothers #tw: ptsd #the unknown future of james buchanan barnes

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hellyeahomeland · 5 years ago

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“Threnody(s)”: an HYH recap

First things first: a threnody is “a wailing ode, song, hymn, or poem of mourning composed or performed as a memorial to a dead person.” If it clicked far too late for you that the parentheses and ‘s’ meant that more than one person would die this week... welcome to the club.

This soul crusher of an episode opens with Haqqani reading the Quran in his cell. A few guards arrive to get him and he walks, peacefully, slowly, while the other prisoners bang their cups against their cells (a real thing that happens on death row in American prisons). He’s handcuffed to a post in an open-air courtyard as he stares down a lineup of soldiers with rifles, all aiming at him.

Cut to Hayes, Linus, and Hugh Dancy John Zabel in the Oval Office. They have the video that Jalal Haqqani shot of Max last episode. This is now a hostage situation and… look how these dots connect. If G’ulom executes Haqqani, Jalal will execute Max. Hayes pleads with G’ulom to halt the execution, at least until they can retrieve Max. G’ulom agrees, but only for 24 hours.

Saul calls Carrie on the sat phone and she asks for an update. When is special ops coming? He still doesn’t know, but hey! At least now people other than Carrie seem to sort of care about whether Max lives or dies. She says the situation there is “quiet but fucked,” which is a perfect descriptor of most Homeland scenes.

Saul steps into a meeting with the White House to discuss Max’s exfiltration. It’s tough, because there’s no cover and the house they’ve got Max in is completely exposed. Also it’s in Pakistan so that adds another layer of complication. Hayes wants to know the odds. Resident Scott Ryan delivers the not so great, not so bad news: 50/50.

Hayes has a freakout because even when they went to kill bin Laden it was like 80%. But 50%? It doesn’t help that John Zabel is the figurative devil on his shoulder, making arguments like:

We don’t negotiate with terrorists. (Heh? It’s not a negotiation.)

I don’t even know who Max is. (You literally just got here. SIT DOWN, JOHN.)

“The US government can’t be expected to come to the rescue of every adventurer who gets himself in trouble overseas.” (Fuck you, dude.)

If the rescue fails, it’ll sink your presidency. (Your wife Carrie Mathison is gonna come after your ass.)

Elsewhere in the West Wing, Linus is snooping in John’s office and finds a printout of a speech he’s been working on for Hayes, the gist of which is: “Peace in the Middle East? I don’t know her.”

If you’re wondering whether John Zabel was successful in convincing Hayes to leave Max to die, in the very next scene Haqqani is dragged back into the courtyard. Saul is there. Once again they line up, but this time they go through with it. The bullets hit him and he doubles over. Saul watches in horror. Then, miraculously, he inhales sharply, very much not dead. He pulls himself up and stands again. G’ulom orders them to reload as prisoner’s chants of Haqqani’s name reach them. They fire again, and he falls to his knees. The job is done.

Back at the compound, there’s movement. Yevgeny brings Carrie a news report: an image of Haqqani, chest filled with bullets, slumped over. Carrie knows what this means, and then she spots the Taliban soldiers escorting Max out of the house, seemingly to take him to another location. She calls for the crew to get their stuff, they need to follow them and can’t lose track. Then, through the scope of the binoculars, she spots Jalal Haqqani shoot Max in the chest from close range. One two three.

Carrie races down the hillside as the Taliban soldiers all flee in their trucks. She gets to Max, lying on his side, blood in the dirt. She checks his pulse, but the worst has happened—again. She breaks down in sobs as she clutches his body.

In Washington, Linus is furious with John Zabel—who might just be as evil as his beard is tragique. Linus is in disbelief about this “speech” Zabel has written. A speech where he calls for security along the entire Afghan-Pakistani border that will be guarded entirely by the Pakistani military—the military of a country Zabel refers to as “failed and duplicitous.” It’s basically Homeland’s version of Tr*mp saying Mexico will pay for the wall after he called Mexicans criminals and rapists.

ANYWAY. Zabel spits back that he can’t be as dumb as Linus, who got two presidents killed. And, I mean I did make this point last week, but that doesn’t make Zabel any less evil.

Meanwhile, Saul is overseeing the preparation of Haqqani’s body. Carrie calls him. She’s still sitting next to Max’s body, her face is stained with tears.

Carrie: Max is dead. Fuck you. Saul: What? Carrie: He’s dead. Fuck you. By the way, thanks for the special ops team. They were really handy. Saul: POTUS wouldn’t move. Carrie: You wouldn’t make him move. You did nothing. You brought him here and it was your responsibility to protect him. That was your fucking job! Not mine. But I still tried, and he’s still dead. Did I say fuck you yet? Because fuck you. And fuck special ops too! Saul: I deserved that. But also, Carrie, you can’t keep running around with Yevgeny in the Pakistani countryside. Even though it brings great joy to Sara. Carrie: Fuck you, dude. At least Yevgeny gave a shit. Saul: You still have to come in. Carrie: Come and get Max. I’ll still be here. Fuck you, goodbye.

The Taliban are holding a town meeting. Haqqani’s lieutenant says they need to keep on the same path that Haqqani set out for them: peace. He knows that none of them were responsible for the helicopters crashing, so peace really is still possible. Just then, Haqqani and the Taliban Teenagers roll up. That’s right, it’s time for a little power battle. Jalal tells them all that his father is a hero. He wouldn’t die even after they shot him. He says we have to honor him: not by respecting the choice he made for peace, but by emulating him back when he was busting into embassies and murdering people. And also: it was I, Jalal Haqqani, who fired the RPG that brought down the presidents’ helicopters! And we will do the same for any other infidels who stand in our way!

After the meeting, the lieutenant comes over to Jalal and asks for some one-on-one time. He knows that Jalal didn’t shoot down the helicopters and Jalal gaslights him a bit. He also knows that Haqqani didn’t choose Jalal to be his successor, and Jalal gaslights him a little bit more. Jalal offers him some money or poppy fields if he’ll buzz off, but all he wants is peace, his country back. Jalal says they’ll get their country back, but not through peace.

In the Oval Office, Hayes is sitting with the Two Stooges, who both want him to say something wildly different in his address to the nation. Hayes just says, “figure it out,” which is kind of hilarious and that’s when Zabel springs into action. He calls up some woman named Claudette and asks for any dirt she has on this situation. Which now means he’s cosmically linked with Carrie because she was trying to do the same thing last season.

They’ve moved Max’s body inside the house, but Carrie is still sitting there next to him. They’ve removed the bright orange jumpsuit and he’s lying on a small rug, barefoot. Yevgeny wants to know what their next move is. Carrie says she’ll just hang out until special ops comes, then she’ll go back to Kabul with Max. She understands if Yevgeny wants to leave now, before special ops comes, but like the good boyfriend he is, he sits down next to her and asks who this Max guy was anyway.

Carrie’s surprised. She told him everything about her life (!!) but not this? Nope. She goes on: Max was… always there for her. She’s known him forever, and wherever she went, he’d dutifully follow, always by her side. And the reason she never mentioned him is clear now, too. She took him for granted and took advantage of him. And now he’s dead. What a horrifying replay of events. “I’m so sorry, Max,” she sobs. She kneels down next to his body, her hands on his chest, and repeats it, over and over: “I’m so sorry.” Yevgeny comes over to comfort her and she clings to him amid more heaving sobs.

The next day, Hayes has decided on his speech, which—surprise!—is the “cowardly” Linus version, where he just says “let’s do peace.” John Zabel is highly displeased but luckily Claudette has arrived just in time with that dirt he requested. It’s not dirt, but just intel: one of the soldiers at the secret Taliban power struggle meeting last night was actually recording the whole thing. So now they have Jalal on video saying he killed the presidents. Who cares if he’s actually telling the truth!

He races to Hayes to tell him what’s happened and in what language. Hayes is like “fuck, I need a moment,” and that’s when Zabel swoops in with his first draft racist speech and is like, “here ya go!” I’m sorry to say, but this actually seems realistic.

Saul arrives to the base where the special ops team is preparing to retrieve Max (and Carrie). They’re all huddled around a laptop screen opened to Hayes’ speech, which goes something like this:

We got the wrong Haqqani! Oops! Anyway, who’s ready for more war?

The reactions are “Can you believe this shit?” and “Oh, Christ,” which are both extremely relatable!

Linus is once again furious with Zabel.

Linus: What the actual fuck! Zabel: You weren’t here. Actually where were you? Aren’t you the Chief of Staff? Linus: You fucking idiot, we’re on a collision course with a nuclear power. Zabel: Don’t be such a drama queen. Pakistan will back down. Linus: No they won’t, dipshit. Also good job on making Jalal Haqqani a folk hero. He was a nobody 90 seconds ago. You’re pushing us into ANOTHER war that we can’t win. Zabel: See, that’s your problem, bro. You don’t think America can win any war. Anyway, I’m outie. Linus: We’re so fucked.

Saul and the special ops team fly over Carrie and Yevgeny’s location. Carrie tells Yevgeny that she can’t stay out here with him forever, and he’s like, “hmm, are you sure *wink*?” She thanks him and he takes position by his truck with his crew. This is the Carrie/Yevgeny equivalent of dropping someone off at home and waiting until you watch them walk through their front door before leaving.

Saul and the team touch down and retrieve Max’s body. Saul fills Carrie in on the pile of shit that’s happened in the last 48 hours. He hopes she has something to make it less shitty. She reveals she has a lead on the black box but doesn’t elaborate. Saul doesn’t ask any follow-up questions but says they’ll find it together, like old times. She agrees, but asks for no more bullshit about her loyalty, or Mike, or the FBI. She did what she had to do. He promises he’s on her side, but she doesn’t totally believe him.

They’re about to board the helicopter when one of the special ops team members requests to search Carrie. “What?” Carrie says, before realizing she’s surrounded by a special ops team carrying automatic weapons. Saul looks around in disbelief too. Carrie spots plastic cuffs, and it all feels suddenly like a trap. It escalates quickly from there:

Carrie pulls out her gun, quickly backing away, in Yevgeny’s direction.

Saul tries his best to calm everyone down.

Yevgeny fires his gun to distract them.

Saul pleads with Carrie to come back, it’s all a misunderstanding.

“What, so we can work together?” she spits.

“Yes, I need you.”

“In fucking handcuffs!”

He says he didn’t know. She calls him a liar and runs back toward Yevgeny. Saul, rightfully livid, heads to the helicopter and asks whose genius idea this all was.

Yevgeny, ever the gentleman, opens the car door for Carrie. She turns back and glares at Saul, the perceived betrayal still a stinging wound (on top of everything else), before they drive off. The helicopter lifts off and Saul watches from above as Carrie and Yevgeny speed away. He has a look on his face not too unlike when he left Carrie in Moscow last season (and, come to think of it, this involves a lot of the same people). In the car, Carrie reveals to Yevgeny that she’s also been looking for the flight recorder and that she knows where it is.

Seriously though, something has palpably broken just now, possibly the last shred of trust left between Carrie and Saul. Carrie has been conditioned all season to distrust those who call themselves her friends. Now she’s actually lost her last remaining friend (in the world), bringing a devastating new literal meaning to the phrase “nothing left to lose.” That Carrie could so quickly get to a spot where her handgun is out and she’s ten seconds from Yevgeny’s car says a lot about the distrust and fear just simmering below the surface. That she didn’t hesitate to suspect Saul was in on it reveals just how broken and filled with resentment their relationship now is. And that Saul actually was on her side makes the end result that much more tragic.

#homeland #threnody(s)#an hyh recap #*#by: sara #homeland spoilers #this episode is .... fml

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survivingthejungle · 6 years ago

Text

Little Lies ii— tommy shelby

this is my fifth attempt to post without either losing it or accidentally deleting it and if it doesnt work i’ll kill myself THANKS

@namelesslosers

The next morning your parents had gone off to the market to buy some groceries; your pantry was running low. They had asked you if you’d like to join them, but you declined. You didn’t want to be going anywhere anytime soon—not after what had happened yesterday. You were sitting downstairs at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee and looking through the window at the little meadow out past the garden in your backyard. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. You were startled a bit; you weren’t expecting visitors and you knew it couldn’t be your parents because they’d left not ten minutes prior. You almost didn’t answer the door, fearing it to be one of the men from yesterday, until— “(Y/N)? It’s just me, sweetheart, you’re safe.” Oh, thank God, you thought, just Tommy.

You opened the door for him and let him inside, shutting and bolting it after it had closed again. “I didn’t know you were coming by,” you admitted.

“I told you I’d check up on you, little bird,” he reminded you, taking his coat off. It seemed he was planning on staying for a while. You offered to take it from him and hung it up in the front closet, then led him to the kitchen.

“Do you want any coffee? My family isn’t big on tea; I know that’s a super British thing so if you want I can make some—”

“Coffee’s fine, sweetheart. Thank you.” He seated himself down at the table and kept his focus on you as you moved about. “How ‘ave you been holding up? Since yesterday?” he asked, voice low and nearly monotonous.

Your back was facing him while you pour the coffee and you stood still a moment before responding. You turned back around with a courteous smile. “I’m fine,” you pushed. “I didn’t get hurt or anything; I’m alright.” He knew you were only being polite and not speaking with honesty.

“No, you’re not. And after yesterday, you deserve to know what’s going on.” You set the mug down and sat a few seats away from him, your own mug still full enough. You raised your eyebrows so slightly it was barely noticeable; he continued. “You’ll remember I said my family pissed some people off.”

“Yes.”

“It’s a bit more than that. You’ve never been to Birmingham, am I correct?”

“Yeah, we haven’t been there yet.”

“In Birmingham, there is a prominent gang known as the Peaky Blinders. It’s run by the Shelby family.” He looked at you to try to find any semblance of panic in your expression. All he found was a look of confusion; like you were about to realize something you didn’t want to. “That’s my family. That’s the business I run.”

“But I thought…” you trailed off. Didn’t he once say he owned something called Shelby Company Limited?

“The company’s a front. It’s real, of course, but it’s through the Blinders we make all of our real deals. We’re sending alcohol to your country right now, in fact.” You nodded, accepting all of this new information as best you could. “And now we’ve gone and pissed off that family of Italians; the ones from America.”

“Yeah, I remember that part.”

“Another gang family. They’re the mafia type.” At this your eyes widened, and it wasn’t subtle like the eyebrow raised.

“Hold on! Are you telling me I was being shot at by the mafia yesterday?” You were beginning to spiral into a panicking fit. “I move to a new country and the first goddamn thing that happens is someone tries to murder me!”

“(Y/N), (Y/N),” Tommy interrupted, grabbing your hand in his. “Listen to me, little bird. No one’s going to hurt you. I’ll keep an eye on you, alright? I promise. No one’s gonna think to come after you; but I’ll make sure that you’re looked after, alright?” Your eyes were slightly glassy as you were still understanding the weight of what had just been thrown at you. You nodded anyways, just wishing that things had gone differently yesterday and that there was no need for this. Even if you did really like the nicknames he gave to you, or how he held you close when you got freaked out. He stood up and stood beside your chair. “Look at me. C’mere.” He gestured for you to stand up and you did, your hand still held by his own. He wrapped his arms around you and brought a hand to your hair, smoothing it down gently. “Calm down, yeah? No one’s gonna come after you. I’ll make sure of it. You’ll be okay. Shh,” he whispered as your breathing became uneven and a few tears slipped out.

“God, I’m sorry,” you told him as you pulled away after a moment. You wiped your face with the back of you hand. “You must think I’m such a crybaby.”

“You’re upset, and you’re scared, and you’re young. Too young for this,” he muttered to himself, “I’m used to it. Been used to it my whole life.”

“That’s terrible.”

“It is what it is, love,” he responded, looking down at you. He smiled softly and put a palm on your cheek, brushing your cheekbone with his thumb. “I’m going to have one of my boys bring you into Birmingham tomorrow. There’s something there I think you might like. And you deserve to go ‘ave fun after yesterday. Alright?”

“Oh; yeah, sure. Sounds good,” you smiled, really trying to seem like you were fine again. You suspected he knew you were faking it, but he took the bait regardless. With a goodbye and a promise of return, he grabbed his coat and was out the door once again.

—

“Mama can I go into town tomorrow?”

“What for, honey?”

“Just to check it out. I don’t really know where anything is yet, I should probably learn my way around.”

“Is anyone going with you?”

“No; I can handle it by myself. If I get super lost I can always call.”

Your mother hesitated. She finished drying the last of the dishes before turning around to face you, leaning on the kitchen counter. You were seated at the dining room table again, this time with a half-eaten plate of fried potatoes. “You’d better be careful.”

“I will, Mama. Promise,” you grinned, thanking her for letting you go. You almost felt terrible for not telling her the truth, but you convinced yourself that you weren’t really lying, either. You never specified which town you were going into, and it was true that no one was going with you—only bringing you there.

“What time are you gonna go?”

“Uh… I don’t know.” Did Tommy ever say when he’d send someone for you? “Probably the afternoon.”

“Your father and I will be gone by then, I think. Going to see about getting some new livestock.” Your face lit up.

“Can we get some more chickens?”

—

A very shiny, very expensive looking Bentley pulled up to the front of your house at about eleven. Is this the kind of car that gangsters drive? Very inconspicuous, you mused. The driver shut the engine off and made his way on the little path in your front pard toward the door. You’d been watching from the upstairs window in your bedroom. You slipped your shoes on and grabbed a jacket before running down the steps, just as the doorbell rang. You opened it up to greet the boy who’d been assigned to pick you up. “Hi. My name’s Finn. ‘M Tommy’s brother,” he introduced himself, extending his hand to shake your own.

“Nice to meet you, Finn.”

“You too. (Y/N), Right?”

“Yeah, that’s me.” You grabbed a spare house key and locked the door, shutting it as you two made your way down the path to to car.

“You’re American?”

“Born and raised,” you confirmed.

“Think I might be going to New York soon. You ever been?”

“No; but I’ve always wanted to. My family’s from Virginia. It’s pretty boring, nothing but farms.” Finn smiled at that.

“And now that you’re all the way across the pond, you’re…”

“Back on another farm,” you laughed. He opened the passenger door for you and helped you step inside. “It’s weird that you guys drive on the left side of the road.”

“Not for me, it’s not,” he responded, getting into his side and starting the car up again. “I think you Yanks are weird for drivin’ on the right.”

“Good point.”

“You excited?” he asked, glancing over at you. “For today.”

“I might be, if Tommy’d ever told me where I was going.” Finn looked at you with a surprised expression.

“He didn’t say?”

“No, only that it was ‘fun’. Do you know?”

“Yeah, yeah; we’re going to the races today. Tommy’s got a horse running. It’s gonna win.”

“You that sure?”

“Tommy’s horses always win,” he deadpanned, but still with the hint of a smirk on his face. “He’s always been good with ‘em.”

“Really? Me too. Before we moved I had a horse. ‘Big Brown’; I named him when I was five,” you giggled. He did too. “When we left we let our neighbors have him. He’s a good horse,” you recalled, looking out at the vast pastures you were speeding by.

“I bet Tommy’ll let you meet the horses, if you want.”

“You think?”

“Yeah, why not? He’s bringin’ you all the way out there, might as well.”

—

Finn guided you into a room at the racetrack complex where Tommy was waiting. “We’re here, Tommy,” He called, knocking on the door before pushing it open.

“Come on in,” Tommy called. You couldn’t see where he was but you heard his voice clear as day. You waited for Finn to come in with you, but he just stood at the door gesturing for you to enter.

“You’re not coming?” you whispered to him.

He shook his head. “No. Tommy’s got me on another job. You’ll be fine,” he promised, before gently pushing the small of your back with his hand, forcing you inside. You tried to stop him, suddenly very nervous without your new friend; but he was gone and now it was just you and Tommy. And, you supposed, whoever else was in the viewing box.

“Would you like a drink?” he asked, coming around the corner and into the bar area next to the door.

“Uh.. no, no thanks.”

“Very well,” he assented, talking time to concoct something for himself. “Go on, sit down, love. Race’s about to start. You’ll like it.” You obeyed and sat down on the little couch area facing the track; the only barrier was a little wall that stood about thigh-high and an awning to stop the sun from shining too intensely. He sat down beside you shortly after, taking a sip of his drink. You guessed it to be whiskey. “Y’see that horse, right there? The black one?” You nodded. “That’s mine.”

“Really? It’s so pretty,” you noted, admiring the sleek black coat and muscular stance.

“His names’s ‘Nighttime’. Charlie named him,” he chuckled, taking another sip of his drink. “Kids don’t think too much into it.”

“Hey, it’s better than the name I gave to my horse,” you joked. “When I was four I named mine ‘Big Brown’. Tommy laughed again at this; so did you.

“You had horses? Back in America?”

“Yeah. He was really great. Sweet horse,” you remembered, reminiscing on all your years with him. “He lives with our old neighbors now.”

“How’d you like to meet some of my horses?” he offered.

“Really? You’d let me?” you asked, eyes wide and sparkling. He admired your expression for a moment.

“‘Course, little bird. Anything for you. It’s the least I can do.”

“No… This is a lot of you. I wouldn’t say it’s the least.”

“Well, maybe I just think you deserve it.”

You looked at him, head slightly tilted, unreadable looks on either of your faces. You were afraid a blush rose to your cheeks, but you couldn’t tell; you hoped one wasn’t there. “I’d really like that,” you admitted, finally.

After a few moments of silence: “How old are you?” Ah, here it is. The dealbreaker. It’s been nice flirting with you, Tommy Shelby.

“I’m nineteen.”

“You’re nearly an adult,” he noted, trying to come off as blasé as possible.

“Some people would say I already am,” you retorted, trying to lighten the heavy weight you felt in the room. He smirked at this.

“Would you say you are?”

You hesitated. “I… I don’t know.”

He gave his opinion next. “You’re young, but you’re a smart girl. More mature than most people I know. Much more mature than Finn, at least, and he’s about your age.”

“You think so?”

“Oh, yes,” he emphasized. “Just look at what happened the other day. You got right back up and kept on with your day. Never let it seem to bother you, even if it did. You don’t act like a nineteen year old girl, that’s for sure.”

The races were about to start, but you were too distracted, preoccupied, and confused by what Tommy had said. “Is that… bad? Or…”

His head was fully turned toward you now. “No. No, it’s not,” he assured you.

—

Tommy’s horse won— big surprise. After the races, like promised, the both of you went down to look at him and a few others. He was a beautiful, majestic black mare with a strikingly clean coat and an intense gaze. As soon as you were within petting distance you walked up to him. “Hi, pretty boy,” you cooed, stroking the side of his face. “Did you win today? Oh, good job!” The horse was apparently revelling in the attention and praise, whipping his tail and pressing his face toward your hand more.

Tommy was entertained by the sight. He knew it wasn’t what he needed to be worrying about right now, what with the New York Mafia after him and his family, but he couldn’t shake the thought of you from his mind. Clearly. It shouldn’t have been a prevalent issue for him, being interested in a woman—a nineteen year old, at that— but yet there was something about you that kept him constantly at bay. Maybe it was the fact that you were an expatriate that made you particularly exciting, or that you were clearly so well-versed with horses, or that you were so young that made him want you; whatever the reason was, the result was the same—he wanted you. And as Tommy Shelby was never one to follow the rules, he was going to have you, as well.

—

The moment you asked if you would be allowed up on the horse, he immediately gave you permission, actually really wanting to see how well you were able to handle one. You didn’t disappoint; having grown up on a farm and riding horses all your life, it came as second nature to you. Tommy was enamored, there was no denying it. “Looks like he likes you,” he noted. “Usually doesn’t like strangers.”

You smiled from up on his back. “Guess I’m just special, then.”

“That you are, bird. You’re something else,” he murmured.

—

Tommy took the liberty of driving you back home. He could see you were almost considering not getting into the same car as him, considering what happened last time, but he assured you that the events of three days ago would never happen again. “Promise you no one’s going to start shooting,” he spoke lowly into your ear, gently grabbing your elbow and guiding you to the car. “We’re on Blinder’s turf. Got men at every turn watching out for us.” You felt a breath leave your chest.

“You’re sure?” you questioned.

”Absolutely.” Once he helped you up and you got settled in the front seat, he walked around to the other side of the car and got in. Starting it up, he looked at you again. “D’your parents know you’re here?” he asked you.

“Uh… sort of?” you offered, a small nervous smile on your face. “I asked them if I could go out… I just never said where.”

He chuckled. “Clever girl,” he praised. Your heart fluttered like it had been all day. You returned home soon enough, the conversation flowing naturally throughout the whole car ride— what it was like living in America, who your friends were, silly family stories; you never once worried about the car falling silent. And then you pulled up to the front gate of your family’s cottage. You were just reaching for the door handle when: “(Y/N)?”

“Yes?” you responded, almost afraid that you’d sounded too eager and willing. For what, you weren’t sure.

“Charlie’s needing a babysitter. Would you be interested?” There was more to the question that Tommy was letting on, of course; but if you had any idea, you did a damn good job not showing it.

“Oh, I’d love to!” you gushed. From the stories you’d heard of him, you’d been eager to meet the kid. Tommy smiled. “I’ll be writing to you soon; going out of town for a bit. Take care of yourself, love.”

“You too. Thanks, Tommy.” With that you exited the car and unlocked the front gate, walked down the garden path, and entered your house. Only when the front door was closed did Tommy begin to drive away.

—

You had taken the liberty of bringing in the mail for the past few days. Your reasoning, of course, was purely out of the goodness of your heart; you had absolutely no ulterior motives. You reminded yourself this when finally, one day, a letter arrived addressed to you, in the same flowing handwriting as the dinner invitation.

Dearest little bird,

I hope my letter finds you in good health. I am caught up in London on business for a while and can not get back to you as soon as I would like to. I want to give you a warning— if any other Americans approach you and happen to be Italian, don’t speak a word to them. They are not above harming civilians, especially not ones under my protection. Do yourself and your family a favor and trust no one, at least not until I return. When I come back I’ll call for you to come and help take care of Charlie.

See you soon.

Yours,T

Your heart raced with every line. You flipped to the next letter in the pile—it was all the way from America. Charlotte, you thought, and ripped the envelope open, diving right into the contents of the paper inside.

(Y/N), my best friend in the whole world,

I can’t stand living in this town without you! I can barely stand living in this country without you. Why did you have to go and leave me? I can’t very well find another best friend who knows me as well as you do.

When I read your letter I think I nearly died. Do you have a picture of this mystery man? He must be gorgeous if you’re making such a fuss. The only advice I can give you is— go for it! I bet he likes you as well. Lucky for you you live so close! Is he very rich? Maybe the two of you will get married and have two houses: one in England and the other one here, back in Virginia, right next to me!

Missing you bunches. Nothing exciting has happened recently except for my cousin eloping with some boy she met at school. I’m not surprised it happened; I only wish you would’ve been there when we found out. My parents were mortified! It was hilarious. Maybe you and your new man should consider it?

Write back soon and don’t forget about me, Lottie

Reading Charlotte’s letter you nearly laughed out loud a handful of times. You very seriously considered going on the hunt for a picture—any picture, really— of Tommy to send to her. You didn’t want to seem like one of those desperate, obsessive girls that you sometimes heard about in the news, however, so you reeled yourself back in. You weren’t surprised by the news of her cousin, either; you were almost positive she had been talking about Winnie, who had been a rebel and a troublemaker since the very beginning. You only wished you had as much courage as she did.

Dearest Lottie,

If I had the gall, maybe I might try to take a picture. I don’t think I’ll ever be brave enough to do it, so let me describe him for you instead.

Mr. Thomas Shelby is one of the taller men I’ve encountered so far, maybe even ever. He has thick black hair that stays cleanly trimmed on the sides and neat on top. I think he must get his hair cut very regularly. His eyes remind me of the sky, or the ocean; I can’t decide which, but believe me when I say they’re the most strikingly blue eyes you’ve ever seen. He’s never looked at me with anything but a kind expression and it makes my heart flutter.

His cheekbones are to die for. He looks like a perfect roman marble statue; I don’t think God could’ve made them better if he tried. He has a perfect nose. I don’t know what exactly makes it perfect, but it is. And his lips— Charlotte, his lips— I know they’re soft. I can feel it instinctually, they look like satin and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about kissing him. I don’t think I ever could. I’m afraid I’m reading the situation all wrong and if I ever made a move and he didn’t reciprocate, I think I’d have to swim back to Virginia.

Please, please pray for me… if I let this go on any longer I’ll lose my mind. What do I do?

Love you forever, (Y/N)

Again you sealed the letter up and addressed it to her, ready to take it into town someday soon. It was around five o’clock, so you decided to make dinner for yourself, not knowing if your parents would be back home before it got cold.

Then it was six o’clock and you were still home alone, and now it was time to feed the chickens their supper. You took the grains from next to the back door and strolled around in the fenced in field around the coop, throwing handfuls here and there before getting yourself back inside.

At around half past six the sun began to set and still, there was no sign of your parents. You wondered what could be holding them up. Maybe a road got closed off so they had to figure out a new route? Rather than let your mind dwell too long on an issue that very well may not have been serious, you retired upstairs to take a bath, brush your hair, and get dressed in your night clothes. Once your skin and scalp were thoroughly scrubbed and smelled nice and fresh, you exited the tub and dried yourself off. You grabbed your favorite nightgown, a white slip with short sleeves that tended to end up hanging just off of your shoulders and a square neckline exposing your chest just enough to keep it comfortable. You left from the bathroom to your own room and sat down at the vanity in your room to comb through and detangle your long hair.

It had reached about seven o’clock. When your nighttime checklist was all marked off, you looked out the window to try and catch a glimpse of any sign of your parents, until you looked down the road, and—a car was driving up the hill from the direction of town; it could only be your mother and father back from their negotiations. The car pulled in to your driveway and the headlights flashed off, and you could hear a door shut from your third floor attic bedroom. A figure, one you could recognize neither as your mother nor your father could be seen making its way to your front door. Then it knocked, loud and strong, and it made you jump nearly twenty feet in the air.

You were hesitant to answer. The figure didn’t look anything like your parents and you were expecting no visitors; they hadn’t called from anywhere to let you know that they’d be late or that anyone would be coming to the house. The knock came once more. Suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. ‘Tis a visitor,’ I muttered, ‘tapping at my chamber door— only this, and nothing more’. Your recollection of the chilling Poe poem and its similarity to your current predicament did naught to calm your nerves; but at the third bout of knocking, you figured that the person was not going to leave without seeing someone at the house.

You creaked carefully down the steps, trying desperately to be silent, hoping that if the visitor didn’t hear you that he would leave and you could continue the rest of your evening in peace. But you got to the first floor hallway that led directly to the front door and there was no indication that he had left. A muffled voice then came from outside. “(Y/N)? C’mon bird, open the door. I know you’re in there.” Tommy! With that, you rushed the last few steps over to unlock the bolts and swing the door wide open.

“Hi! What brings you here?” you wondered aloud.

Tommy looked at you with a strikingly serious expression. “We need to leave. Now.” With that he grabbed you by the hand and damn near dragged you out of the house, only barely giving you time to shut the door behind you. You didn’t even have a chance to put on any shoes or slippers or even grab a jacket to keep you warm from the night air. Without any other explanation he led you to the car, unceremoniously made you get on the passenger side, and then got in himself and started the car up, a determined look on his face.

#tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby #dommy tommy ; )#peaky blinders imagine #peaky fookin blinders #peaky blinders #cillian murphy #finn shelby #my bb boy made a gues appearance #i love him!!

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