#if I ever restart the game y’all are in so much trouble

[skyloftian-nutcase]

LOOK AT MY BOY

HIS CUTE FACE

NOW HE’S SERIOUS GUYS

[drabbles-mc]

Protective Detail (5/?)

Nestor Oceteva x Reader

Warnings: language, stubborn lil cuties denying their feelings

Word Count: 3k

A/N: Okay so this has 110% become a comfort fic for me to write. But I promise if y’all can hold out for another chapter or so there is gonna be some payoff for this ridiculously slow burn. Pinky promise lmao

Chapter Index

Protective Detail Taglist: @masterlistforimagines​ @sillygoose6969​ @mydaiilyescape​ @lovebennycolonmiguelgalindo​ @the-radical-venus​ @gemini0410​ @garbinge​ @slutformayansmc​ @paintballkid711​ @chibsytelford​ @yourwonkywriter​ @sesamepancakes​

You woke up the next morning and instantly smelled coffee. You smiled to yourself despite the soreness in your neck and sides. How he had the energy after yesterday to wake up early and get coffee ready was beyond you. You made your way to the kitchen and were pleasantly surprised to see that he wasn’t dressed up. He was still in his sweatpants and t-shirt. Your smile grew as you saw that his hair was still in a bun on top of his head.

He turned around, a small smile on his face as he handed you a mug with coffee already in it, “Let me know if I made it right.”

You chuckled to yourself as you took a small sip, smiling and nodding, “You’re a quick study, Nestor.” You hefted yourself up onto the counter, “Oh, I let Jade know last night that I wasn’t going to be in at least for today and tomorrow.”

“You sure?”

You nodded, “Yea. I could use a couple days at home.”

“You can just say you miss my car,” he smirked as he sipped on his coffee.

You rolled your eyes, “You got me. I get teary-eyed every time I think about it sitting all alone at the body shop.”

He shook his head slightly, “So, what’s the plan?”

You shrugged, “There isn’t one. Lazy day today,” you looked at him, “For both of us.”

You were camped out on the couch for most of the morning while Nestor did laundry. He turned his music on again and all you could think was that it breathed a whole new life into the house. You smiled as you played games on your phone, hearing the music get louder and softer as he went up and down the stairs to and from the basement.

“Mind if I use the coffee table to fold?” he asked, hamper perched against his hip.

“Go for it,” you pulled your legs up underneath you so that you weren’t taking up the entire couch.

He sat down next to you and started pulling out clothes one item at a time. You were trying not to stare but you were entranced by how meticulous he was with his folding. If things weren’t lined up just right, he would start over again. He’d dramatically shake out his shirts before restarting the folding process and you fought the urge to laugh.

“They make those little contraptions that make folding easier, you know,” you chuckled.

He looked at you, an unamused expression on his face, “Those wouldn’t fold them right.”

“Apparently you don’t fold them right either. You’ve redone that shirt like three times already.”

“I don’t remember asking for your opinion.”

You smiled, shaking your head as you returned your attention to your phone, “You never do.”

Nestor was almost done with his laundry. Everything was stacked in neat little piles according to the type of clothing. You tried not to let your smile grow too wide—opting to grab your controller and pull up a videogame to keep you from staring at him. He grabbed two of the piles and walked them back to his room to be put away. You kept the volume of the television off since he had yet to turn his playlist off. Most of the music was mellow and it helped give the house a calm energy which was a nice change of pace after how the previous day had gone.

Once he was done putting his things away, he took his seat back on the opposite end of the couch from you. You smiled to yourself over the fact that he wasn’t trying to stay as far away from you as possible—now he at least let you share the same piece of furniture. He watched you make your little character run around farming land for a few minutes before grabbing his laptop.

You didn’t really notice the time ticking by as the two of you stayed there like that. You could get lost in your games for hours without noticing, and whatever Nestor was working on was keeping his attention locked in. A few times you fought the urge to try and peek over to see what he was even doing, but you didn’t want to ruin the peace.

Once you felt your stomach starting to growl, you looked over at Nestor, “Can we please get pizza delivered?”

He shook his head, “Definitely not.”

“Why not?” you flopped over onto your back so you were on his end of the couch looking up at him, “If you answer the door, they wouldn’t even recognize you with your sweats and your man-bun. We would be totally safe.”

He looked down at you and closed his laptop, “My face is the same face. We’re not getting delivery.”

“But I don’t wanna cook,” you whined.

He set his computer off to the side, “I can cook.”

The statement made you pause. You had been doing all of the cooking since Nestor started staying there solely because that’s what you were used to doing. Living by yourself it was either ordering in or cooking, and delivery had been taken off the table. You hadn’t given much thought to whether or not Nestor could cook. You were more than willing to find out, though.

“You know how to cook?”

He chuckled, “I’m an adult, Y/N. Of course I know how to cook.”

“You live by yourself?” when he didn’t answer you sighed, “I only ask because I’ve found that people who live by themselves either get really good at cooking, or they completely avoid it and depend almost solely on takeout. I’m just trying to figure out which one you are.”

There were a few moments of silence before he nodded, “Yes, I live by myself.”

“In a house?” you raised your eyebrows.

He looked down at you, smiling, “Still don’t need to know that.”

You wanted to make a smartass remark but he didn’t give you the chance. He stood up off the couch and went to the kitchen. You watched from the couch for a few moments, and by the way he knowingly grabbed things out of the fridge and cabinets, you had to assume that he used the mornings when he was up before you to go through all of your cupboards. He took out a cutting board and set a pot of water to boil, and you were instantly interested to know what he was cooking.

“Can I help?” you offered as you peaked over the back of the couch.

He shook his head, “Thought you didn’t wanna cook?”

“I also don’t want you to burn my house down.”

He turned around and faced you, “You can help by staying out of my way.”

“Yes sir,” you said dramatically.

Staying out of the way didn’t mean that you weren’t going to try and lurk closer to see what he was up to. You made your way over and tried to see what he was doing from the edge of the kitchen. He waved you off a couple times, a smile tugging at the edges of his mouth despite the fact that he was telling you to get the fuck out of the kitchen.

You attempted to grab yourself something to snack on while you were waiting for Nestor to finish taking over your kitchen, but he body-blocked you from getting to the cabinets. You sighed heavily, “You’re not my father, you can’t tell me that I can’t have a snack before dinner.”

“I never said that.”

“Then move.”

“No,” he smirked, “I told you to stay out of the kitchen.”

“It’s my kitchen!”

“You said this is my home for now too, so technically I think that makes this my kitchen as well.”

You opened your mouth to argue but came up with nothing. You huffed and went back to the couch. You heard him chuckling from the stove and you called over, “If I die of starvation you’ll have to explain it to my father.”

“I’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

As much as you hated to admit it, dinner was phenomenal and well worth the wait. The two of you were sat on the couch and every time you looked over you could see the smug look on Nestor’s face. Even though you hadn’t said anything, he knew that you were definitely contemplating splitting cooking duty as well as driving duty.

“Hey, Y/N?” he kept his eyes on the television.

“Yea?”

He kept his expression neutral but you could see the light in his eyes, “You’re welcome.”

You laughed and reached behind you, grabbing one of your decorative pillows and throwing it at him, “Fuck you.”

He dodged it with a laugh, “I’m not cleaning up any messes that you make.”

Once you were both done eating, you collected up your plates and brought them over to the sink. Nestor wasn’t really paying much attention until he heard you turn the sink on. He glanced over the back of the couch.

“You’re actually doing dishes?”

You laughed, “You cooked, I’ll clean.”

He nodded and you could see that there was a hint of a smile on his face as he returned his attention to the television. He was only sitting alone for a few moments though before he stood up and wound up next to you, drying the dishes as you set them in the rack.

“Seriously, I got this,” you laughed, “I usually do all of it by myself.”

“Feels weird just sitting there doing nothing while you’re cleaning,” he shrugged.

You didn’t want to argue about it, and you weren’t going to turn him away if he wanted to be a little closer, so with a small sigh you handed him a plate to dry off. The domesticity of it felt nice, but a little strange too. Part of the strangeness came from the fact that you knew you were reading way more into it than he was. You couldn’t help but to steal glances when he was reaching up to put things away.

You had no idea how long he was going to be staying with you, but you knew that you were a timer slowly counting down the minutes until you slipped up and got yourself into some kind of trouble with him.

“It’s still kinda early,” you said as you dried off your hands, “Wanna watch something?”

He raised his eyebrows slightly, clearly interested, “Like what?”

You thought about it for a moment, “You ever seen the John Wick movies?”

He chuckled, shaking his head, “No. But the fact that it’s plural makes me nervous.”

You rolled your eyes, “You got something better to do tonight besides have a movie marathon?”

You could see it in his eyes that he wanted to come up with a quick remark, but he couldn’t. You tossed the towel at him before walking off to pull up the first movie. You smiled to yourself when you heard the unmistakable sound of popcorn popping in the microwave. You left him to finish getting that ready while you disappeared into your room, reemerging with a few large bags of candy. He heard the rustling and looked at you as you walked into the kitchen, instantly shaking his head.

“Where were you stock-piling all of that?”

“If I told you, it would no longer be a secret stash, now would it?”

The two of you were about twenty minutes into the movie, each perched on your own end of the couch. You had your legs stretched out on the cushions, and Nestor had his feet propped up on the coffee table. The giant bowl of popcorn rested between the two of you, along with the candy you had brought out from your room. It was second best to being able to go to an actual movie theater.

“So you’re telling me,” Nestor looked over at your for a moment, “That I’m about to sit through three movies about a guy who goes on a killing spree because someone killed his dog?”

You chuckled, nodding, “Essentially, yea.”

“Three fuckin’ movies?” he laughed.

“Yes!” you threw a piece of popcorn at him, “Now be quiet or you’ll miss stuff.”

He smiled and settled back against the couch. He racked his brain, trying to remember the last time he got to just exist and be a regular person, and do regular things like stay in and have a movie marathon. It felt foreign and it took a little bit to get comfortable to settle into it. His eyes still darted to the windows and door, not forgetting why he was there in the first place. But even so, it was the most human he’d felt in a long time.

You woke up the next day to the sensation of your phone vibrating against your stomach. You forced your eyes open to see who was calling, hitting accept when you saw that it was your father, “Hello?” your voice was groggy.

“Ah, that’s the daughter I know—still asleep at noon.”

You chuckled as you sat somewhat upright, leaning back against the arm of the couch, “I called off today—I could sleep until four if I really wanted to. What’s up?”

“Just calling to check in. How are you? Estás segura?”

“Claro que sí. You worry too much, Papi. I’m fine.”

“And things are going alright with Nestor?” despite the fact that you had reassured that given the circumstances, you and Nestor got along just fine, he was still worried that you might actually drive the man to quit.

You looked down to the opposite end of the couch where Nestor was laying passed out still, legs entwined with yours in the center as his head leaned back, mouth open as he slept with the bowl of popcorn still resting on his stomach. You smiled to yourself, “Things are fine, I promise.”

“You would tell me if they weren’t?”

“Remember how stupid I thought this whole plan was?” you laughed quietly, “Of course I’d tell you.”

He laughed, and you could picture him sitting in his office shaking his head at you, “Alright. I’ll let you get back to your nap. Te quiero, mija. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Talk soon, te quiero,” you hung up and set the phone on the coffee table.

You shifted so that you were completely upright, but somehow your legs were still tangled up with Nestor’s. You didn’t necessarily mind—it was probably the only physical contact you were going to have with him. It was nice, and it had the added benefit of helping to keep you warm.

Your fidgeting was enough to stir Nestor. He lifted his head up slightly as he opened his eyes. You chuckled to yourself, enjoying that you got to see a side of him you had never seen before. This was a different kind of vulnerable.

He pressed his palm against his forehead, shutting his eyes tight for a moment, “Morning.”

“Afternoon,” you corrected with a laugh.

“What?”

You showed him the time on your phone, “It’s almost 12:30, Sleeping Beauty.”

“Fuck,” he ran his hands down his face.

He looked around the room and it was only then that he realized that the two of you had been, and still were, sharing the couch the way you were. He instantly shifted so that his feet were on the floor, fumbling slightly so he didn’t spill what little popcorn was left in the bowl.

“Now I know your weakness is movie marathons,” you laughed as you pulled your legs so that you were sitting cross-legged, “This is the only time I have ever woken up before you.”

“Don’t get used to it,” he stood up and stretched, rolling his neck with a pained look on his face, “Fuck that hurts.”

“Want a neck rub?” you offered up with a laugh.

He shook his head, a tired smile on his face, “And give you the opportunity to snap my neck? You can’t make me watch all those movies and then try to put me in that position.”

“No faith, Nestor,” you smiled as you got up and started cleaning up the mess the two of you had created the night before.

“None at all,” with that he made his way down to his room to get a fresh set of clothes and a towel so he could shower and get ready for the day.

When he came back out to the living room, it had been restored to its former glory. You were just finishing straightening up the pillows when he walked in. You turned around to face him, your expression faltering a little when you saw that his hair was back into its two pristine braids. He still looked good, obviously, but you already missed the mess of curls.

He tucked his hands into the pockets of his sweats as he stood in the living room. It was the first time you had ever seen nerves of any kind show on his face. His brows furrowed as he tried to find the right words, “I know you said I’m not company,” he chuckled slightly, “but, um, thank you.”

You smiled, tilting your head in slight confusion, “For what? You’re the one keeping me safe, I should be thanking you.”

“I just mean, you know, thanks for treating me like a regular person. It’s been a while since I’ve had that.”

Your heart sped up a little bit, and you shook your head, “Don’t thank me, Nestor,” you laughed, “You can just say that I’m a cooler boss than Galindo. I won’t tell anyone.”

He laughed and you saw the way the tension dropped out of his shoulders. There were more words dancing on the tip of your tongue, but before you could say them, Nestor grabbed his laptop and made his way back to his room, slowly shaking his head as he went. You stood there for a moment and watched him walk away, heart still racing inside your chest.

[idiotpotters]

Cedar Wood and Galleons

Harry Potter x Draco Malfoy

Word Count: 2.8k+

Summary: “Crush culture makes me wanna spill my guts out. I know what you're doing, trying to get me to pursue you.” - Crush Culture, Conan Gray

Warnings: Angst

Author’s Note- This is for @hufflefluff-writer ‘s writing challenge from a g e s ago! I completely forgot I had this in my drafts so now I’m finally posting it. This is the first writing I’m posting on this blog so I hope y’all like it. I know the amortentia story line is way overused in this fandom, but let me have my fun. Let me know what you think! And thanks so much to Amelia for putting this together!

-

Harry’s temples were shining with sweat. His sleeves were haphazardly rolled up, red and gold striped tie loosened. He leaned over his potion, stirring carefully as purplish steam swirled from its pearlescent surface. The fumes of treacle tart, and the polished ebony and hazel of his Firebolt filled his nose. He tried to ignore it, but the third fragrance dug its heels into his senses the strongest, cedar wood hair gel and the familiar metallic scent of galleons.

Harry rubbed at his nose with the back of his hand, as though it would banish the smell. Nothing seemed to help, it was filling him up, stinging his nostrils, hot and steaming down his throat. He pushed away the desire to breathe in ever so slowly and deeply so that it filled him up, and the craving to do it again. To lean down so the tip of his nose nearly touched the shining surface of the potion and breathe it in, to savor the feeling of it inflating his body, pushing into his head and making him dizzy.

Instead, he leaned back and raised his hand, catching Slughorn’s eye. As the professor made his way to Harry’s cauldron, he made an effort not to turn his eyes toward Malfoy. He didn’t even notice Hermione’s furtive glance of jealousy at him for finishing first, a tiny voice in his head was begging him to turn and stare. To watch as Draco leaned over his own potion, wonder if he smelled woody broomstick handles and smoking fireplaces.

He shook himself free of the thought and met Slughorn’s cheerful eyes.

“Beautiful execution of the amortentia potion, Mr. Potter.” The professor applauded, patting Harry’s shoulder. “Ten points to Gryffindor. Pour a vial and place it on my desk, then go ahead and clean up your cauldron.”

Harry sighed with relief, eager to get the scent out of his head. He ladled his potion into a glass vial and corked it. He then wound through students and cauldrons to leave it at Professor Slughorn’s desk, along with a slip of parchment that had his name written sloppily across it.

When he turned to come back to his cauldron however, his eyes caught Malfoy’s, who was leaning ever so casually against the table where Harry potion sat, still waiting to be cleaned. His heart jumped up to his throat, fingers tingling with nerves as he bit down on the inside of his cheek. Strands of Malfoy’s hair fell into his eyes as he met Harry’s gaze unwaveringly. Harry expected to see a familiar smirk pulling at Malfoy’s thin lips, but his face was locked in an expression Harry couldn’t identify. He would’ve said it was indifference, but Malfoy’s eyes looked so determined, focused, even conflicted.

Harry walked quickly to his desk, forcing himself into a resentful frown.

“What are you doing here?” He ordered more than asked, avoiding Malfoy’s eyes as he carefully gathered leftover rose petals. A bubbly, excited feeling was crawling up his center, threatening to boil over and fill his chest, soak him with giddiness at the sight of the pale, pointed face ahead of him. He pushed aside, the dread that it was even there was enough to bring its raging boil to a feeble simmer.

“What do you smell, Potter?” Malfoy drawled under his breath next to Harry, who could feel him standing close, too close. Harry tensed as he felt Malfoy’s long, pale fingers graze his forearm.

“None of your business, Malfoy.” He snapped, daring to turn and look at Draco after he deposited his petals into a jar. Harry could no longer tell if the scent of hair gel and coins was coming from his cauldron or from the boy in front of him.“Get out of my face.” He said through gritted teeth, having to turn his eyes slightly upward to meet Draco’s gaze.

“Harry,” Hermione’s voice sounded from next to him, her tone filled with warning, as it so often was. Harry ignored her, unwilling to back down.

Malfoy only stared down his pointed nose at Harry, as though waiting for him to say something else. Harry’s heart was racing in his chest, pounding against his ribs. It would be so easy to hold Draco’s face in his hands and pull him into a kiss, harsh and passionate, feel Malfoy’s lips against his skin, run his fingers through his hair. 

He’s playing a game, Harry thought to himself, he knows, he can tell, and he’s using it against me.

Time seemed to freeze as Harry flattened his hands on Malfoy’s chest and shoved him backwards, hard. As Draco stumbled, that ever familiar smirk found its way onto his lips. Malfoy hooked his fingers onto the edge of Harry’s cauldron, unaffected by its heat, and with a gentle pull, sent it careening off the edge of the table. Thin silvery purple liquid arced through the air, the candles that filled the dungeon with dim light shone off of it and flecked through it. The yellow light turned pinkish as it filtered through the potion, speckling peachy light across Malfoy’s nose for a fraction of a moment before the liquid splashed over Harry’s clothes. Hot potion soaked his pants, turning the bottom of his white shirt purple as the cauldron clattered to the ground. The heat of the amortentia stung, and he knew that beneath his clothes, his skin was turning red.

Without a thought of doubt, he reached for his wand, whipping it from his back pocket and pressing it’s tip into the center of Malfoy’s chest. The dark holly point dimpled Malfoy’s emerald and silver striped tie as Harry wracked his mind for a hex. Time restarted and Draco only smiled, his wand still tucked carefully in his robes.

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw Ron reaching for his wand as well, his ears turning scarlet as he glared at Malfoy.

“Mr. Potter!” Professor Slughorn’s voice sounded from the front of the classroom as he rushed toward the two boys. Ron tucked his wand back into his robes. “Lower your wand.”

“I would’ve expected better from the two of you.” He said, having to place a hand on top of Harry’s wand and force it down to his side. “Ten points from each of your houses.” 

Harry huffed in frustration, not able to tear his gaze away from Malfoy. Silvery eyes bore into his own, still full of emotion Harry couldn’t put together. Conflicted and mischievous, innocent and decisive all at once. “And detention!” Slughorn added.

“Professor-” Malfoy started calmly, breaking the unintentional staring contest himself and turning his eyes to the professor.

“I don’t want to hear it.” Slughorn swished his wand and Harry’s potion disappeared from the stone floor. “Potter, get yourself cleaned up and visit the hospital wing if you must.” 

With immense effort, Harry tugged his eyes away from Malfoy, picked up his bag, and pushed his way to the door without so much of a goodbye to Ron and Hermione.

He sped down the corridors toward Gryffindor tower, fuming. Malfoy’s scent still surrounded him now that it was soaked into his clothes. He would have torn his own heart out through his mouth if it meant this infatuation would go away. And Malfoy only knew how to make it worse, loosen his tie and unbutton his shirt only one button too far, wear his tightest black trousers, run his hand through his hair, roll up his sleeves and stretch his arms in the middle of class, bite on his bottom lip when trying to concentrate. It was as if every day he was trying harder to tempt and manipulate Harry, pull him deeper and deeper into drowning in that scent of cedar wood and metal.

Harry thought about this all the way to his dormitory, while he changed out of his soaked clothes and into clean robes, while walking to his next class, while eating lunch, he thought about it straight through to the end of the day, and it wouldn’t be the first time.

-

By the time he reached Slughorn’s classroom at 5:00 that evening for detention, Harry was exhausted. All he wanted was to draw the thick scarlet curtains of his four-poster and curl up under his blankets. All day, conflicting thoughts had been swimming through his head, and it didn’t help when Malfoy arrived and stood next to him at Slughorn’s desk. There was that scent again, hair product and money. Malfoy had taken off his button-down and was dressed in a simple white t-shirt tucked into his belt. However simple, the outfit still sent Harry’s heart pounding again, his eyes flitting around the room in search of anything to look at other than Malfoy’s exposed arms, or his chest and back outlined perfectly by the thin fabric.

When Slughorn entered the room, Harry’s gaze snapped to him, watching him walk the perimeter of the classroom and sit at his desk. “Alright.” He started, straightening a stack of parchment and digging a quill and red ink from his bag. “I’m going to grade papers.”

Harry and Malfoy nodded almost simultaneously, waiting for instructions, not daring to look at each other. “You two,” continued Slughorn, “Are going to organize the closet,” He pointed at the stores in the corner of the room, where the door hung open. “Two capable potions students like you should have no trouble doing it quickly.”

They started to turn, resigning themselves to the task of standing together in the tight closet and sorting jars of various potions ingredients. Slughorn caught them before they could take a step toward the stores, “And try your hand at getting along for a minute while you’re in there.” He waved his hand dismissively and Harry and Malfoy made their way to the closet.

Several minutes of jars clinking against one another and sliding across shelves passed as Harry and Malfoy worked with their backs to each other. Harry tried hard to ignore him, his scent still harsh on Harry’s nose despite the lack of love potion. He tried to focus his mind on his Defense Against the Dark Arts essay, pushing away each thought of Malfoy that snuck into his mind. It wasn’t easy, every few moments, Harry would bump into him because of how small the closet was.

“Can you mind your space?” Harry snapped finally.

“Am I in your bubble, Potter?” Malfoy shot back sarcastically. Still, they didn’t turn to look at one another, Malfoy avoiding Harry’s eyes just as much as Harry avoided his.

A few more moments of silence passed before Malfoy opened his mouth again, “You never did answer my question.” He said softly, voice lacking it’s usual haughty aire.

“What question?” Harry frowned, pushing a jar of snake hearts out from behind a vial of ground unicorn horn. As much as he had tried to snap, the question had come out just as soft and curious as it felt.

“What did you smell on your potion today?”

Harry sighed in irritation, why did Malfoy care what he smelled off of his potion? “Treacle tart and broomstick.” He answered, sorting stink sap and valerian leaves. Malfoy was trying to manipulate him into spilling his feelings, and he wasn’t going to let him win. 

Another few moments of silence, Harry could feel the stiffness of the air pressing in on his throat.

“I smelled broomstick handle too.” Malfoy said finally. Harry’s brow furrowed, Malfoy had quit quidditch earlier that year. In fact, he never really seemed to have much of an interest in the sport, he only ever wanted to enjoy the feeling of winning. “And a fireplace.” He went on.

Harry’s breath quickened, and he listened as Malfoy stopped sorting jars and turned to face Harry’s back, “What do you think that means, Potter?”

Harry didn’t answer, reading the label of a jar over and over again. He tried to rationalize it, maybe the broomstick reminded Malfoy of winning, and maybe he enjoyed sitting by the fireplace just as much as Harry did. Maybe it all meant nothing and he was just trying to force something out of him.

“I can’t seem to place it.” Malfoy went on. Harry wouldn’t see it, eyes focused on the jar of morning dew in his hands. But Malfoy was lifting a hand, hovering beside Harry’s shoulder, hesitating to grab him and turn him around.

“What do you smell?” He asked again, this time in a whisper. Second guessing, he drew his hand away and let it drop to his side.

“I told you.”

“Did you?”

This is his game, Harry told himself, daring to set down the jar on a shelf, leaving his hands empty, he wants me to admit it.

Against his best judgement, he turned to Malfoy, who’s face held a certain sincerity Harry had never seen on him before. He’s going to wait until I say something, then Crabbe and Goyle will come out to laugh at me.

Harry stared down at Malfoy’s chest. He wouldn’t dare meet his silvery eyes, that would be how he’d pull him in, it always was. Draco’s eyes were what set Harry’s heart skipping beats, his guts twisting and knotting, his stomach pooling with something hot and pleading, something like want.

He’s going to get me to say something, then I’ll see he’s brought Ron and Hermione here to watch me betray their trust.

Malfoy reached up carefully, so carefully. His fingers pushed through Harry’s hair, his palm resting on the back of his neck. He tried to ignore how soft the strands felt on his hand, suppressing what he really wanted to say, I think I smell you on my potion, Potter. I think sometimes I can’t get you off my mind. You make my pulse race, you make my face go red.

“Cedar wood hair gel and galleons.” Harry said finally, meeting Draco’s gaze. 

Jars clanged against one another as Draco pushed Harry back into the shelf behind him, capturing his lips in a bruising kiss. Malfoy pushed Harry’s cloak off of his shoulders, letting it fall to his elbows as his hands hovered, hesitating.

Pins and needles rushed through Harry’s limbs, the feeling of kissing Draco was nothing less than he imagined. His gut pooling with anticipation, heart racing in his chest. Harry’s hand fell on the small of Malfoy’s back, pulling him closer. His left hand reached up, fingers twining into the hairs at the nape of his neck.

They slotted together so perfectly, flawlessly pushed together in every place they needed. It made their skin tingle with energy, an electricity winding through their bodies, the absolute connection finally igniting the fuse.

Malfoy moved to cup Harry’s cheek, but pulled away. As quickly as he had crashed into Harry, he drew away. Harry leaned against the shelf, hair and robes disheveled as he watched Malfoy, waiting for the explanation, the moment his friends’ laughter would start to echo around them. But it never did.

They stared at one another for an everlasting moment, catching their breaths.

“I-I’m not falling for you.” Malfoy stuttered out finally, his voice suddenly so familiarly cold and harsh and quick.

Harry’s breath quickened, he knew it. “Manipulative bastard.”

Malfoy didn’t reply, he pushed open the door of the storeroom and slipped out before speeding from the classroom.

-

Detention had lasted hours longer, Harry carefully sorting jars by himself while Slughorn graded papers. He was numb, pushing away every thought and every emotion that tugged at him until he could hide them safely behind the curtains of his four-poster. He wasn’t sure if Slughorn had even noticed Draco leave, or if he had simply decided to deal with it another time. 

The way back to the dormitory was automatic, he didn’t need to think about where he was going, or anything really. He stared blankly ahead of him, droned the password to the Fat Lady, and climbed through the portrait hole. He didn’t greet anyone in the common room, though most people were still up, doing homework or talking with friends. He ignored them, and climbed the stairs to the dormitory.

The hardest part was accepting that he’d let himself get caught up in the moment, he’d let himself fall. He’d given in to the belief that somehow Malfoy could sincerely fall for him. 

Reaching to the floor to pick up his potion soaked shirt, he fell into bed and drew his curtains. Curling into a fetal position still atop his covers, Harry finally let tears free to roll across his face. He held the shirt to his chest and breathed in the scent with slow, deep breaths. Cedar wood and coins overwhelming his senses just as it had when Malfoy had kissed him. The potion was cold now, a chill creeping down his fingers from where he gripped the shirt. 

He had pushed away this constricting, aching pain for months, but now it was sharp, stabbing agony. It wouldn’t be ignored anymore. Harry choked on a sob, pushing his face into the soaked fabric. He breathed it in again and let it fill him. It all made him want to spill his guts out.

-

Thanks for reading! Please let me know what you thought!

[bekahdoesnerdshit]

Playlist: Charlotte Olivia Grace

Alternate Title: Dealing with Religious Trauma But Like in a Cute, Fun Way

Featuring: A director’s cut style breakdown of each song choice, and a bonus Campaign Song not found on the original playlist!

Not Gonna Take Me by BAILEN

You took my mother You took my father Oh, but you're not gonna take me!

This is SUCH a fun song and I feel like it sets the tone for the playlist so well! And, truth be told, it was the first song that I knew was going to make the final cut. The energy of the song is so lively and fun, and the chorus -especially the bit I quoted above!- is really just a Cog slam dunk. The toxic, insular culture that her parents had gotten wrapped up in is not going to take her too, and Cog is going to run as far and as fast as she can to make sure it never catches up with her. 

Only the Good Die Young by Billy Joel

Well your mother told you all that I could give you was a reputation Aw she never cared for me But did she ever say a prayer for me?

HEY this is the Ace and Cog song. Thanks for the banger, Billy Joel. Like bro the whole song is about this guy rolling up and talking about whisking this girl who’s grown up wrapped up in religion away from it to a life that -not to brag- kicks serious ass. There’s more for you out in the world! It’s not a scary place, it’s exciting and full of life and people who are going to love you! Come on! Every time I listen to this song on Cog’s playlist, I picture Ace singing and doing a dumb little dance and voices along with it just to make Cog laugh because they’re SO cute. Also, coincidentally, Cog’s mom fucking Hated Ace. Presumably because he “stole and defiled” (her words!) her daughter. You hate to see it 😔 Also, every time I hear the line “I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints” I picture Cog sitting around a fire with Ace and her party members absolutely breathless from laughing which is an incredibly healing mental image that I highly recommend. 

Haven by We Banjo 3

Let me be your haven Let me be your light Sail with me across the ocean deep And find a place for love and joy

One of my dnd characters? Wanting to be a source of light and peace for the people around them, wanting to come up alongside them and bear their burdens with them? It’s SO likely, and it’s true. I think in my head this was originally another Cog and Ace song, where she wanted to repay all the ways he’d helped her by reaching out and trying to offer him a sense of peace in the midsts of everything he has to deal with, but the longer she’s spent with her party the more I think it’s come to apply to them as well. Yes, sometimes you have to fight. Sometimes, you have to make hard, painful decisions. But there’s light and love and joy to be found in the world! And if you can’t find them, it’s worth it to be the source of those things for the people around you! I think Cog would love nothing more than to take all of her friends troubles away from them to just give them a chance to breathe, and this song speaks to that so genuinely.

Hover by Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

The roof peels away And she's left uncovered Then feet leave the ground And she hovers, she hovers, hovers, hovers...

A song about discovering our self-worth, perhaps? About realizing you’re more powerful than the people around you want you to think you are, and then taking a deep breath and deciding to use that power for yourself? That’s self care, baby! This is very much the “I’m looking around, I’m realizing Home isn’t home for me anymore because it isn’t safe, and I’m starting to think that maybe it’s time for me to go” song. You know, that hyper-specific song that every playlist has. Also, it’s just such a pretty song! And right in my range, which doesn’t hurt its odds of making it onto a playlist. 

Cloud’s Song by Brent Walsh

Hey, God, are You listening? Sometimes it feels like I'm not hearing anything back Why does that scare me so much? Hey, God, are You listening?

Y’all ever uh. Y’all ever grow up deeply rooted in your family’s church of choice, only to have a crisis of faith later in life when you’re old enough to think for yourself because you don’t feel the connection to your god that everyone is telling you that you should? No? Just me and Cog? Okay! Cog doesn’t believe in the Old Gods. Mystra is dead, same as all the other gods, killed by whatever force caused the apocalypse and turned the Wasteland into what it is today. Anyone who says otherwise is looking for a way to manipulate people. ...but it’s one thing to say that and convince yourself that it’s true, and another entirely to unravel 18+ years of being told otherwise and come to terms with what a world truly without gods means for you and the people around you. And what if the gods are real, what if Mystra is alive, and she just didn’t care for Cog? If Cog is just fine not hearing from her either way, what should it matter if she’s real or not? Except it does matter, somehow, and Cog doesn’t know what to do with that. Oof.

The Gardener by Sarah Sparks

God the gardener when the autumn comes I will not seasons fear With the pruning a branch is stronger, I will learn to love the shears

This song is about coming out on the far side of a situation she never should have had to be in, but realizing that she’s stronger because of it. Is it still unfair that she had to grow up in such an unhealthy environment, burdened by expectations she was never going to be able to live up to? No, of course not. There’s no outcome that makes it worth it for her to have suffered through that. But because she survived it, she is infinitely more compassionate, more patient, and more intentional than she likely would have been otherwise. It’s not easy to come to terms with trauma like that, and I definitely don’t think Cog is as close to finding closure as she would like people to think she is. But she’s getting there, and I think this sort of perspective has done a lot to help her on that path.

Shake it Out by Doll Skin

'Cause I am done with my graceless heart So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart 'Cause I like to keep my issues strong It's always darkest before the dawn

So technically this is a cover, but honestly I love the energy on it so much more than the original. It’s about moving on from a past that’s clinging onto you and weighing you down by shaking off that guilt and turning to face a new day. Also, it’s just a fucking banger. It’s unapologetic about shrugging off weight you’re not obligated to carry, and while I don’t think Cog is quite to that point in her journey yet, I hope that by the end of the campaign she will be. Right now she still has a lot of guilt for the way she left her home, even though she knew she needed to go for her own good, but this song is for a Cog who -a few years down the line- has made peace with her decisions and understands that she deserves the same kindness from herself that she gives to everyone else.

Echo by Talisk

This song is an instrumental, but it goes So hard and is so representative of the arc I see for Cog in this game that it honestly makes me emotional every time I hear it. The beginning is quiet and a little slower, then about 30 seconds in the violin comes in and starts ramping things up as Cog begins to look around and realize the life she has been living isn’t the one she wants to continue. At around 1:30 the melody gets more complex and other instruments layer in as she sets out into the world and starts meeting the people she now considers her closest friends, and it continues to build and build and build with this anxious but excited energy of fingers flying across strings, barely keeping up with themselves with how eager they are to get the music to the world. The final variation on the melody from about 4:19 to the end of the song makes me picture Cog just spinning, arms wide, eyes closed with the sun on her face and the world’s biggest smile, and it just fills my heart with so much joy! 

Gold by Rabbit Wilde

All my friends are calling me Wild, like the wind I'm drifting from all I've known And packing up and trying all my best At staying gold

This song is so cute and fun, and high energy in the Exact way I was looking to cultivate for this playlist. This song is about the way Cog has grown and become more self-assured since leaving home and joining her party! Going from being tired and silenced, to having a fire burning from within her! She’s making new friends, she’s wandering and exploring the world, and she’s taking control of her life in a way that’s left her overall a happier and healthier person. And again, at risk of sounding repetitive, it’s just a bop. And bops always make it onto this playlist! 

Hieroglyphics by The Oh Hellos

'Cause you've been too busy thinking ahead Of where we're all going after we're dead To maybe consider our bodies are worth More than the dust that we can return

I am literally Obsessed with this song as a Cog song (and also, as a result of my playlist building, with The Oh Hellos in general). The whole energy of the song is looking at people who view religion as this old, tradition heavy thing its followers are obligated to bear forward and just asking... why? The lyrics I highlighted above are the ones that really sold this song as a Cog song for me, but there’s another line in the second verse with absolutely beautiful imagery about nebulas being beautiful, sacred bodies of dust that goes on to pose the questions; why can’t the same be said for humanity? Is being human completely divorced from being divine? Is there not inherent divinity in being a living, breathing creature with independent thought? For Cog, this is what faith should be. It should be about reveling in being alive and in the beauty of the world you get to live in. If there are gods, she can’t imagine them wanting anything different for the beings they created.

Bonus Track!  Tough Kids by Coyote Kid

I don't trust anyone more than I trust me and mine It's a dog eat dog world, but this pack runs till the end of the line

Campaign Song! Party song!! It’s just a banger!! If this campaign had a theme song, this would be it! I can fully picture the animated opening that would play before the start of the game, and it SLAPS. The first thirty seconds is this western style instrumental with the camera racing across the barren wasteland, with the first swell of the trumpet triggering the camera to pan up toward the sun setting on the horizon as the title card fades in. From there the camera takes off again and loops to each party member spread out across the Wasteland before they’re brought together. It swoops over the caravan Sunny and Wol are escorting, and they shield their eyes against the sun to look up at it as it passes. We see Nilos silhouetted against the outline of Scorch, steeling himself to enter the Bandit town with little more than the ratty suit on his back and the gun hefted over his shoulder. We see Maelo wandering out of his ramshackle house with his pack full and on his back, sparing one sad look at a swath of hazy green trees in the distance behind him before putting his back to it and setting out for the Crossroads. We see Cog! Bored to tears in a New Alexandrian classroom until she catches a glimpse of Ace beckoning to her from the doorway, and she grins and waits until her professor’s back is turned before grabbing her books and darting out of the room. We see Adiane in a dark alley somewhere, minding her business until she hears something that piques her interest! She looks up, rolls her shoulders, and we catch the flash of a dagger in one hand before she disappears into the night. And finally we see Clay, sitting against the back wall of what’s clearly a prison cell with his head resting on his knees, and we hear the rattle of a metal door being opened and Clay looks up as light from outside his cell falls on his face for the first time in god knows how long.  And then the chorus! We cut between various notable fights the party has been in to showcase their thematic skills! Sunny gives a mocking salute before hauling back to punch some bad guy in the face! Wol ducks an attack completely accidentally as he flips frantically through an enormous book, and when he looks up to cast his spell his eyes are a void dotted with silver stars. Nilos blasts some poor bastard point blank with a shotgun shot, then whirls around to slam the butt of the gun against someone else’s head! Cog’s casting gloves glow white hot as she flings a hand toward the sky to call for aid, and her robes whip around her as she sends a shockwave of magic out with herself at the epicenter! Maelo looks up, pulls a very obvious ‘oh shit!’ face, then taps the end of his staff against the ground and causes impossibly dense vegetation to grow instantaneously and send the people charging toward him toppling to the ground. Adiane whirls out from behind him as he finishes casting, tucks and rolls into a crouched shooting stance, then fires off three precise shots that drop three different targets. And Clay catches an attack on his shield, laughs and shouts something we can’t hear over the swell of the music, then summons his pact weapon mid-swing to catch his attacker unawares and send them toppling to the ground. And the second verse? OH boy. The cadence of the line “it’s a dog eat dog world” lends itself so naturally to having the antagonist of each arc surge up onto the screen one after the other, with a grinning Valentine bringing up the rear with his arms spread wide. And then! The bridge? We cut between the party’s npc friends living their lives and kicking ass. Ace and Sunny’s dads! Nathan and Sierra! King Alistair! Wol’s family! Penny and I’den! Also!! Not only can you physically not lose your shit listening to the repeated “we’re gonna make it or die trying” it’s also PRIME real estate for a flash montage of important moments of the campaign. Bombing the first bunker with a Meteor Storm scroll! Sunny putting her fist through the shadow demon in Lafaroh! Cog tackling Nilos to Dimension Door them into open air eight hundred feet off the ground! Watching the Bandits shoot down the Emperion airship over the Crossroads! Staring down the elf queen in her own courtroom and telling her she’s wrong! Finding the Godkiller! Sauntering into Scorch to clean up in the Murderbowl! God we do so much cool shit in this game!!  The final rendition of the chorus just shows the party working together as a team, having each other’s backs and covering weak spots without a second thought because they know how to work well together. The song fades out on an overhead shot of the party sprawled out around their campsite at the end of a long, exhausting day, eating and talking and laughing and just generally, blatantly, comfortable with one another. The camera swings up one final time to show the beautiful night sky overhead, with swaths of stars that wink out slowly one by one as the song comes to an end. 

[justkimberley]

HSMTMTS Thoughts Episode 7

Episode 1   Episode 2    Episode 3   Episode 4   Episode 5  Episode 6

This one is also kinda long (~2200 words)

Nini and Ricky doing a fantastic job harmonizing in Start of Something New

the dance routine around them is absolutely crazy and all over the place

So it seems that Seb is just their resident piano player (side note, who ended up getting Kelsey??)

Big Red with the flashlight trying so hard to keep it on the disco ball

EJ interrupting because of the bell. Does anyone really love Thanksgiving that much??

Also I always forget that American Thanksgiving is like a month later than Canadian Thanksgiving and I was hella confused for a second.

Ricky is so surprised that Nini is complimenting him

Ashlyn as Robotics Team captain! (side note Big Red gives her an impressed look after he overhears that she’s the captain)

Also: debate team, baking club, high priestess of the Renaissance Faire

We love a multifaceted lady

Miss Jenn/Mr. Mazzarra trying to have a ‘my horse is bigger than your horse’ banter except neither of them have the horses they claim to have

“With whoever could possibly love you,” lol ok Miss Jenn went for the head

“Late night party” - party starts at 8 that’s adorable

“Small group or…” “PARTY AT ASHLYN’S HOUSE!”

It’s really interesting learning about Nini’s Lola (? I think that’s how it’s spelled, which is what I believe Filipino people call their grandmother’s), and her story

I’m just really proud of Ricky’s Dad. Like he was in such a bad place 2-3 episodes ago and now he’s taking care of himself and Ricky (even if it isn’t a grandiose Thanksgiving) he’s trying and I think he’s doing great

“We roll hard” I just really love this line

“I suppose if you’re lonely, you could always just… randomly text my drama teacher,” “Too soon… RIck,” “... yeah okay”

That was pretty funny. Also, it seems like Ricky’s okay with his dad dating?

Ricky’s mom waiting for him to call

I don’t know how I feel about this to be honest. I feel like maybe she should have tried to call him first and then if he didn’t answer or want to talk to her, that she should wait for him to make the next move then.

EJ’s truth arc is very funny to me

Big Red and Ashlyn

“I promise not to steal your phone if you promise not to throw a basketball at my face,” “No, the only thing I’d ever throw at your face is a brighter spotlight cause, I like the way you sing

Oof they’re so cute, we love little crushes

Also this might be an unpopular opinion but y’all need to calm down about the whole ‘Ashlyn and Big Red are GAY and they only THINK theyy like each other’ thing. #1 It was never confirmed for them to be gay. #2 You can still have wlw and mlm head-cannons for them! Bi, Pan, and other multiple gender attraction oriented people exist, even if you forget about us sometimes.

They are a cute little pairing of people who are always looking out and taking care of other people. It’s okay for them to do things for themselves.

Ricky debating calling his mom, it took a lot of courage and then Todd picks up.

Hangs up immediately, it almost looked like he was going to have a panic attack. That would be so hard, such an extreme shift

I guess the reason he was more okay with his Dad dating was that his Dad was open and honest with him about it. Calling your Mom only to find out that she has a boyfriend that a. She never told you about b. He knows about you and c. is trusted enough to be left alone with her phone while she showers? Is a lot, and probably means that she started dating him before the split was official.

Ricky going to call Nini and then deciding against it. Why doesn’t he feel like he can talk to Big Red about this kind of stuff? Why does he always go to Nini first?

Gina shows up, those are good looking cupcakes

She made him a hat!

She looks so hesitant before she gives it to him!

Gina’s like ‘look dude, I know something’s wrong, spill the beans’

Ignore it and push through - I understand where she’s coming from but you really shouldn’t ignore your problems, it usually just makes them worse

“Do what makes you happy,” “... Give me that hat,”

Adorable, also do what makes you happy is good advice so we’re a little all over the map here

“That’s too big,” “I’ll grow into it,” (adorable)

Miss Jenn and Mr. Mazzarra’s whole interaction is hilarious.

Don’t burn down my shop! - holy shit, foreshadowing buddies

Ashlyn is so cute! She’s so happy when people compliment her

“I highly recommend not telling someone you love them for the first time on instagram” - yup! That’s what I said in the first one of these I did.

Carlos - “The party may begin!” - I totally thought he said “The party made me gay,” the first time I watched it so uhh yeah

Big Red is lactose intolerant

Carlos’ board game is amazing

“High School Musical the Choosical,” - fantastic name

Everyone is so accepting

Ashlyn and Big Red choosing to be on the same team

“South Side Knights -” “It’s the West High Nights,” “the West High Knights”

Ej is like a compulsive truther now. And it’s kind of hilarious

His face when he says “She laughed!” is hilarious and kind of adorable

“I gotta go join the party, and admit some terrible things, you ladies, catch up!” - I wish we got to see what he was admitting to, I find this whole thing quite funny

I’m glad that Emily and Nini got some reconciliation, I know Nini felt guilty even though it wasn’t her fault

That is not a good cockney accent

Why did Ricky enter alone when him and Gina walked together?

And he left her to open the door on her own with all those cupcakes?

“Buddies,” “We,”

Ricky and Gina both laughing about YouTube, cuties

Look, feelings are feelings and you can’t help what you feel, but pushing someone away and insisting to remain only friends means that you shouldn’t be upset when he makes a new friend

Mr. Mazzara and Miss Jenn

The plug socket is in the frame, more foreshadowing

“He won’t.. Not… fall” this show loves it’s double negatives huh? I don’t not love you, he won’t not fall etc.

“Ok but the center of gravity is off,” YES to different kinds of intelligence being helpful in fields other than the main one people associate them with

Carlos thinking people are going to keep judging him and the theater people being as accepting as possible

EJ is a gleek

What I’ve Been Looking For to the rhythm of Get Your Head in the Game is hard! (Catch me on the piano later trying to figure it out lol)

It just turns into a terrible rap

EJ - “That was terrible,” Seb -  “I’m so happy”

EJ vs. Ricky - “without laughing… or killing each other,”

This is a good parallel to the basketball scene, once again they get kind of aggressive, but this time they also joke around and no one gets hurt

Also I would love to see them become friends, I mean they both need to grow a little before that happens, but I have hopes

They missed the ‘neeee howww’ part of it, I really wanted to hear them do the high voices

EJ’s little “mehh” that sounds like a duck kills me everytime

Gina and Nini awkwarddd

“I do have high hopes for a junior year at East High” oof babey :(

“It must be nice sometimes though, right?” - nini does not understand

This actually gives us an insight as to why they don’t understand each other. Nini would love nothing more than to start a new life with no drama and Gina would love nothing more than to have a life that lasts longer than a couple months before being restarted.

Gina/Nini apology very exciting, hopefully they can actually become friends

“It’s all good,” from Nini seemed disingenuous, I don’t know if it’s because of the Wonderstudy thing or the Ricky thing. 

The sleepover thing I was so worried that it would be a mean spirited thing but I’m so glad it wasn’t

Nini sits on Ricky’s lap when she goes back to the game room and I don’t know if it’s intentional or not but it’s kind of like she’s trying to lay her claim back on Ricky.

Gina looks so happy when a. Carlos calls her in and b. the happy dance about the sleepover! (why’d they have to ruin the happiness??)

Mr. Mazarra returning the favour

“It’s beautiful,” “Math often is,” dudde I feel you I fucking love math

“I cannot stress to you enough how uncomfortable that would make me feel,”

“You know what we should do?” “Break off eye contact sometime soon?”

I’m dying

“It’s about a robot!” this is… pretty adorable. She just wants to make a genuine connection with him

Also are they going to do a romance route with these two? Because I can see them setting it up but also imagine if they just become like… best friends? I feel like they’d be unstoppable.

Musical Choosical Handbook of Rulesicals

“I thought you had never actually played this with people-” “Honey not today of all days,”

Carlos and Seb are the only couple with no bad drama and I’m living for it (please let them just stay happy)

Oops! I knew that jersey question… also it’s definitely the answer Big Red would now because he’s only watched the movie with no words (at his allergists office)

“And do people usually talk like that?” “No they do not.” - gold

EJ the compulsive cheater and also compulsive truther makes a comeback (I seriously find this so funny I don’t know why)

“I love to pop and lock and jam and break,” oh GIna

She’s so happy about winning

Not realistic, you know that the second she called her mom at least someone would be like “pass the weed,” (you know because friends are awesome and also terrible)

“Can you take me off speaker”

Some people are like ‘oh no is she in trouble?’

I kind of hate that it looks like Nini looks sort of happy about Gina’s mom asking her to take her off speaker - I really don’t want Nini to turn into a catty person.

Ricky is concerned

Why did her mom tell her this right now? She should have waited until the next morning, like that wouldn’t have hurt anyone and it would have let them form stronger bonds. And Gina would have had her first sleepover and also they might form strong enough bonds to try and stay in contact with her

Ricky is worried for her, he’s like, ‘You made me feel better, so I’ll go make you feel better’

Nini’s looking upset that Ricky’s being emotionally aware for once? Like dude, he’s grown up a lot since BEFORE summer break? That’s like six months ago I think at this point?

Ricky just wants to help Gina feel better because she made him feel better

She doesn’t understand that they can stay friends even if she leaves and I just :(

“Please don’t do that” he’s so overwhelmed

“My mom moved out two weeks ago and she’s already got a new boyfriend, sound familiar?” Oooh low blow Ricky bud.

“Really don’t need advice from a .. buddy right now,”

Ok but then who does Ricky want advice from? I’m so confused. This boy needs to get a better support system and learn how to use it. Romantic relationships should not be your only outlet for your problems.

Red and Ashlyn

“I hope Gina’s gonna be okay,” - Big Red is so sweet!

They’re so cute

“Hey Big Red? Don’t forget your dip,” - oh she was so going to ask him out and then lost the nerve

Write something for yourself.

It’s a hard thing to do, dude. It’s also hard to let yourself feel so vulnerable, even if it’s only you that’s going to hear it

Gina packing, I feel so sad for her, she’s finally made some good friends and now she has to leave again. She kept the badge! :( 

EJ losing followers and being cancelled, at least we know why now

It seems like a lot of EJ’s self worth comes from how others think of him. So losing followers is probably a pretty big hit. I wonder if he’ll keep going with his whole truth thing when it has these consequences or if he’ll just go back to what he was doing before. I hope that he has a positive arc but, will it go downhill from here? I hope not.

Ricky about to apologise to Nini (why did he erase it, he probably should have sent that) - side note: their conversation before was them asking each other if they were going to the party

It’s interesting that Nini had pictures of EJ and Ricky up still

Gina’s crying face is making me cry

“Hey mom, it’s me, I miss you so much,” tears

Nini hanging up pictures of her grandma and the musical. She’s really trying to move forward from boys huh?

Is nini going to apply to the theater school??

Electrical fire???????? WHy??

[zodiacal-dust-and-curls]

Meant to Be

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: None that I can think of. Let me know if you see any!

A/N: I hope y’all are ready. This is a little ridiculous, but I had fun writing it. The reader’s character has a name! But her perspective will be in second person and physical description will be vague. (Sorry, I needed a pretty distinct name for this.)

Thank you to @im-justatrashcan for the request and as always a big thank you to my proof-reader and PSM @mollymarymarie

All your life, you’d had the name ‘Ben Jones’ written in black ink on the inside of your wrist. A common place for a soulmark, really. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about it. Including the name.

It was very frustrating, honestly. It had exhausted you since you were thirteen and everyone else started meeting their soulmates left and right, literally. You’d watched both of your best friends, at the ripe old age of 15, turn opposite directions and bump into their soulmates.  From that day forward, their marks had been so beautifully colored and their soulmates never too far away.

But ‘Ben Jones’? That was like finding a needle in a haystack. Your wrist might as well have said ‘John Smith’.  It haunted you.

By the midpoint of senior year, ninety percent of your schoolmates had found their other halves and you were still alone.

Then one day, in early 2012, you noticed something. Your mark no longer said ‘Ben Jones’. It now read ‘Ben Hardy’ and you felt like life was just about to get more complicated.

Ben had always wondered how he’d meet you, the mysterious ‘Cheyenne Williams’. Tattooed on his tricep, destined to be his forever. Just from your name, he could tell you weren’t English.

It excited him. He always wondered where life would take him, and he knew for sure he’d get to travel at least part of the world.

Growing up, he was never too concerned with meeting his soulmate. Lots of his friends met theirs between 13 and 18. But it never seemed to bother him. He knew he’d find you one day. It certainly seemed like it wouldn’t be anywhere near his home.

When he started his career, he worried about you being able to find him. He had to change his name, there was just no way around it. Even if it was just a stage name, it would still be the easiest way to recognize him.

He worried over something else, too. Because of his career choice, he’d need to cover his mark. It felt like he was hiding you from the world. Even though he hadn’t met you, he never wanted you to think he could be ashamed of you. That just wasn’t true. He just didn’t want anyone to lie to him and use your name to hurt either of you. It was hard to explain your motives to someone you still hadn’t met.

You were the only one that noticed the change in your mark. As long as the first word was ‘Ben’ and it was still black, no one else really seemed to care. Which, helped you avoid a lot of trouble, honestly.

You really had to fight the urge to google the new name. The development had you stuck somewhere between worry and wonder. Worry for your soulmate’s safety, could something have happened to him? Wonder for yourself, had anyone else ever had their mark change?

The best course of action was to not call any attention to it. You didn’t want to become a case study. There was absolutely no one that would be helped by that. Well, out of the people you were truly concerned for (yourself and your soulmate), no one would probably be helped.

Years after the change, only your mother and best friend had noticed. It took them months to see any difference at all, and it wasn’t the mark that caught their eye. It was your demeanor. The girl with a slightly bitter heart and too many choices had finally seemed hopeful. It threw each of them for a loop, but they’d each asked as curiosity got the best of them.

One day in 2016, your best friend, Tyler, convinced you to see a movie with her. She seemed really excited about it. She said it was going to restart the X-Men franchise and give rise to a whole new generation of superheroes. With all her excitement about the film, you couldn’t say no.

That’s how you found yourself transfixed on the pouty blond angel only a few minutes into the movie. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but you felt like you’d seen him before. Somewhere. . . But where?

To say that Ben was a little disappointed that he didn’t find you  while shooting his first American film wouldn’t be incorrect. He tried to reassure himself that he’d only seen a small part of the country during pre- and post-production, and there would be plenty more to see later. His career was just starting, really.

There was still plenty of time.

Oh my God. Was that really him? You were so glad that Tyler had run to the restroom immediately after the post-credit scene. You needed to talk yourself out of this. Now.

There was no way your soulmate was an actor. Let alone one that had acted alongside some of your favorites. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What am I gonna d-

“Chy? You look a little lost there. Are you okay?” Tyler was back. Oh man, this could be really bad.

“I’m fine, Ty.” You smiled at her, storing all your thoughts away to freak out over later. “Let’s go get dinner, yeah? That movie was crazy long.”

With a roll of her eyes, she agreed. “Leave it to my bestie, with the freaky Mark, excuse me, the mutant Mark, to have that look on her face because she’s hungry.”

You just stuck your tongue out at her and promised yourself that you would check his IMDB later for interviews. Maybe life would be interesting after all.

By mid 2018, Ben still hadn’t met you. He felt like he’d traveled a fair bit. Met new and exciting people. But you were the only person he was just dying to meet.

Okay, maybe that had changed for a hot minute in 2017. He was cast to play a living legend. Could you really blame him for wanting to meet Roger Taylor (the drummah from Queen)?

Ben decided you could probably let that slide. It was just one small request on his growing pile of things to ask forgiveness for.

Hopefully, the upcoming press tour would help him out.

Except that he wouldn’t be going on the American leg of the tour (all the boys had agreed that the name was definitely American, more than likely Southern) due to work. Fate, what game were you playing?

Stalking may have been a tad excessive to describe the ferocity with which you watched a certain Mr. Hardy from that fateful day in the movie theater to now.

You’d looked up several of his interviews, especially any that mentioned his mark, or rather lack thereof. He never brought it up on his own and always seemed ready to deflect with some other comment when asked. There was no way he was your soulmate. He clearly was just one of the UnMarked and wasn’t comfortable talking about it.

It hadn’t even shown up in any of the candids or BTS content you’d seen. He just didn’t have one. It was that simple.

That didn’t stop you though. You still managed to see all his projects. The latest one seemed promising. He was set to play Roger Taylor, yes the Roger Taylor your own mother was in love with as a young girl, and they would even have a press tour stop close to your home town.

Ty had, of course, figured everything out that first day and encouraged you to chase it.

(“He could just be a really private person, Chy. What if he covered it up to protect you?

“Right Ty, I’m sure that’s exactly what some English actor that knows nothing about me did.”

Tyler just narrowed her eyes at you, wishing you would regain a little of the hopefulness you’d had back when the change had happened. “I’m right. Just you wait.”

“I certainly will wait, but don’t expect me to hold my breath.”)

So, you and Tyler had made plans to go to the stop. It could be fun, and maybe you’d finally know if she was right.

“Cheyenne Montgomery Williams, get out of the bathroom or you are gonna miss the whole thing. Jeez.” Ty screamed through the door at you. What were you even doing here? He wouldn’t be here and you knew he didn’t have a mark. He’d never confirm that in interviews, but you just knew it.

“First of all, that’s not my name and you know it.” You pushed the door open with enough force to bump Ty back a little and leveled her with a narrowed glare. “Secondly, so what if I missed the whole thing? He isn’t here.”

“Excuse me?” You heard a voice come from your side. “What did you say your name was?”

You looked in the direction of the voice and released Ty from your stare. “I didn’t. She -,” you used your head to gesture to Ty, hands still poised on your hips and stopped. Joe Mazzello was looking at you with a ridiculous amount of glee in his eyes.

Ben’s phone buzzed from beside him. It was late evening in Rome, where he was filming his newest project.

Joey: Oh, Benny Boy. You aren’t going to believe this.

Benny Boy: Believe what?

Joey: On second thought, I’ve decided not to tell you.

          Yet.

          When will you be able to visit me in the states?

Ben just shook his head. He was sure Joe had good motives, but all he wanted to do after this film was go home and sleep for a few days. He missed his bed and his Frankie.

Benny Boy: We talked about this.

                      I’m going to go home for a bit. I can come visit you in December.

Joey: That’s so far awayyyyy.

           But I shall wait for you.

           Until then, Jonesy.

JM: Are you ready?

The CW: Nope.

JM: Perfect. It’s showtime.

You had just pulled up to the shop Joe had been bothering you about. The man loved donuts and apparently these were the best in Dallas. It was a bit too far from your hometown for you to be overly familiar with the area, but you allowed Joe his indulgences.

It was weird to think that you got a celebrity’s phone number. Much less for such innocent reasons. He really did just want to check on you and figure out who you were before he introduced you to Ben. There was a good chance Joe was more nervous than you were.

“Mate, why am I filming you eat this donut?” It was the one question Ben felt Joe could actually answer. It wasn’t the only question he had, just the only one he thought he could get an answer to.

“It’s going to be transcendent.” Joe fixed his gaze on the prize in his hand, which was possibly the shiniest donut Ben had ever seen. “ Just shut up and point the camera at my face, Jonesy.”

“Really, Joe? Is that anyway to treat your friend?” Ben could have sworn he’d heard that voice before. It sounded like home, but with a drawl.

“Really, Joe? Is that anyway to treat your friend?” You smiled at Joe over the blond head in front of him.

“You know what, Chy? I think it is.” He couldn’t help but grin back at you. “Besides, this one,” he gestured to the man seated in front of him, “has kept the both of us waiting long enough. Don’t you think?”

It seemed like it took him an eternity to turn around and face you. But when he did, you couldn’t look away. Those eyes, the same ones you’d seen all those years ago projected in front of you, were even more breathtaking in person. The mouth that you’d watched form countless words in dozens of interviews, was right there and you waited for it to move.

“I think you’re absolutely right, Joey.” But you couldn’t tear your gaze from Ben. He was here. He was real. It was finally time to see if Ty was right.

“Cheyenne?” He breathed out with a sense of wonder, as if trying your name for the first time.

“Cheyenne?” Ben couldn’t believe this was what Joe had been hiding from him for 2 months. It was you. He found you, the only thing that was still missing from his life.

“It’s very nice to finally meet you, Ben.” Your voice was like music to his ears, especially when you said his name. He didn’t think he could ever get tired of the sound.

He had honestly never tried to imagine you, and he’s very glad he didn’t. Whatever he would have dreamed up wouldn’t have been as good as what was standing in front of him now.

Hesitantly, Ben stepped toward this astonishing woman that was meant to be his. Joe was basically forgotten behind him as Ben moved in to hug you.

The next thing you knew the two of you were moving towards each other. You reached out and hooked your right forearm behind his left shoulder and pulled Ben to you.

Distantly, you could hear Joe cheering. Two of his new favorite people were finally together. First contact had been made. It was finally time to see if Ty and Joe were both right or if they’d just been feeding you false hope all these years (and months).

But he didn’t intervene immediately. Joe let the two of you lose yourselves in the embrace. You were grateful for that. After 20+ years of waiting, at times not so patiently, you felt like you’d finally found your home.

“Okay, lovebirds. You don’t have to completely disentangle, but there’s something I gotta see.” Ah, Joe. He’d waited as long as he possibly could. But Ben supposed he was owed this. To be the first to see his colored Mark.

Ben felt a little wistful for not taking a minute to admire it in the mirror this morning. He wished he would have known that he’d never see the familiar black script on his skin again. It had been replaced with some vibrant color. He was sure of it, and the possibilities of the new discovery left him a little giddy.

Slowly, Ben pulled you to his right and twisted his left arm forward. Sure enough, there in a jeweled red was the name he’d been looking at all his life. But now he had new hope attached to it.

Joe was possibly the most impatient person you knew at this moment. All you wanted to do was hang on to Ben a little longer. You weren’t ready for reality to come crashing down on you.

Ben slowly pulled you to your left and started to twist his arm.

You decided it was time to take the plunge and glanced down at your right wrist. There in a striking red was his name.

The sight brought tears to your eyes. You thought this day would never come. You thought that Fate had been playing a cruel trick on your whole life. But here it was. Living proof.

“Oh. love. Don’t cry.” Ben heard a sniffle come from your  direction. He paused his celebrating to take care of his soulmate. He really could get used to that, his soulmate. “What’s wrong?”

“I just,” you were still fighting tears in the little shop, “I just never thought this day would actually come.”

To hear that broke Ben’s heart. He had always justified his actions to himself (hiding his mark, deflecting in interviews, letting Roger Taylor take your spot as the #1 person he wanted to meet) and now it was time to justify them to you.

“Let’s get out of here, yeah?” Ben rested his forehead against your own. “We can go talk somewhere private.” His voice had softened and taken on a concerned undertone.

“That sounds good. Let’s go.” You waved towards Joe and blew him a kiss. You could see the excitement on his face for the both of you. He was a good friend, truly. You’d have to find a way to thank him for putting the two of you together.

Ben was so relieved that you took him to a park towards the outskirts of the big city. He preferred to think and talk while moving, It helped him focus.

“So I’m sure I owe you some explanations.” He began. He made sure to loop your arm with his not wanting you to get too far away or for his voice to get so loud that passers-by would hear your conversation.

“Yeah, just two really.” He was shocked that you agreed with him. Most of the soulmates he’d seen were so instantly in love, he wasn’t ready for any push back.

“Which one would you like first, love?” If there were two you wanted now, he wanted to be sure they were the ones you wanted and not the ones he thought were most important.

“Why did my Mark change?” That . . . may have stopped him in his tracks a little.

“Your Mark . . .changed?” He was a little confused. He’d never heard of Marks changing.

“Yeah. One day it said ‘Ben Jones’ and the next it said ‘Ben Hardy’. I always worried that something bad happened.” You looked up at him and back down quickly before admitting the next bit. “I may have googled you after X-Men came out and found out that it’s just your stage name.”

Ben wracked his brain for an answer to that one. “I don’t know about that one, but we can figure it out together.” He smiled at you.

“The next one is why haven’t you admitted to having a Mark?” There it was. His biggest fear to have to explain to you. Of course, you would want to know. It probably would have gotten you together faster if he’d just made it public information.

Ben stopped and pulled you closer to him with a hand on either side of your face.

“That was the hardest decision I’d ever had to make.” He looked so sad as he met your eyes. “I wanted to protect you, and myself. I wanted this life and career. I made this choice. You didn’t.”

“Are you joking?” You blinked, a little dumbfounded. “I am never going to hear the end of this from Ty.” You shook your head and grabbed his wrists to pull his hands away from your face.

“Let’s see it then.” You fully met his eyes, a new determination in your own.

“Well, alright.” Ben gave you a cocky smile and  turned around to pull his sleeve so that you could see your own name in a startling blood red on his skin. “What do you think?”

Before you could respond, you reached out and ran your hand from his elbow to his shoulder following the path your name made. “It’s incredible.”

Ben had just watched your face and taken in the quiet astonishment that played across it. He could never have guessed that you really thought this day would never come.

Quickly, he fixed his shirt sleeve and turned back to face you. “Can I see yours?” He asked quietly.

You extended your wrist out towards Ben and he took it carefully, almost as if you would break. He brought himself around to stand next to her so that he could read his own name appropriately.

“I can’t believe it’s really there.” He took in the wine red stain on your wrist that was his name and rubbed the pad of his thumb delicately along it. “Ben Hardy. Who would’ve thought that it would change to my stage name?” He asked mostly to himself.

“I certainly didn’t, but I’m so glad it did.” You placed your hand on top of where his thumb was tracing your Mark and gave him a genuine smile. The one you got in return was absolutely blinding.

“I guess Fate decided that we were meant to be.”

A/N: I hope you enjoyed it! See y’all sometime next week. I’m going to go be murdered by these two tests. Have a good day, lovelies!

Taglist: @rogers-wristbands @deakydeckme

[marshmallowprotection]

Y’all can thank @space-kitten-606 for igniting my fire to finally write down this music theory about Seven.

Now when I’m thinking about Seven I can never stop thinking about Fall Out Boy’s song Favorite Record. Get ready folks, here’s a trip with Reset Theory and everyone’s favorite love-to-laugh boy, 707! It has a lot to do with the course of his relationship with the MC throughout every single reset. Throughout the course of this game, he’s always thinking about you and the time that he gets to share with you. He feels fortunate whenever you choose to be with him.

“Do you do, do you remember. When we drove, we drove, drove through the night. And we danced, we danced.” Seven can remember the first time that you saw him and that very first time that he got close to you. There’s this feeling in his chest that he just can’t shake off no matter how hard he wanted to keep you at arm’s length. He had seen the way you had gone to each of his friends and fixed their lives just by smiling at them. Seven had wanted so badly to not let you into his life, but the more that you were around the more that he found that he couldn’t shut you out no matter how hard that he tried. He was no stronger than anyone else... and you were the sun to his moon no matter what he told himself. 

“And I confessed, confessed to you. Riding shotgun underneath the purple skies. And we danced, we danced. With windows down, and we danced, we danced.” There was no fighting you n the end and he knew that. You were as sweet as you were headstrong, smart as you were oblivious, and kind as you were brave. So, he embraced you with open arms and allowed you into his life, knowing that one day you might not be there when he woke up. But it was worth it to him. To finally let those feelings that had been budding for days, weeks, months out in the open with you. The way that you held onto him as he released more and more of his pain grounded the feeling in his chest that he loved you and he would always and only love you. 

“You were the song stuck in my head. Every song that I’ve ever loved. Played again and again and again. And you can get what you want but it’s never enough.” Everything that happens to him is another knife in his chest. It’s one thing to let himself be close to you but it’s another when it opens Pandora’s Box and sheds light on things he never thought he would ever know. When he finds out the truth about the RFA, about Rika, about V, about Mint Eye, and about his brother, everything that happens tears him to pieces but you’re right there at his side to help him get back up again. You grip his hand during that entire process and he would have never been able to survive if it wasn’t for you during all of those hard times. But all good things come to end, don’t they? Even as the world is coming back together and he tries to rebuild his family with you in it, he knows that one day you won’t be his anymore. And when that day comes, it’s a bittersweet pain in his heart. 

He will always love you. 

And by the way that you look at him, he knows that you’ll always love him no matter what timeline you both exist in. 

“And I spin for you like your favorite records used to. And I spin for you like your favorite records used to.” When you’re gone there’s a hole in his heart, and when you restart another turn around in the game... seeing you appear in the chatroom makes his heart rush. He never knows who you’ll wind up with. But he stays the same 707 that you know the entire time. It doesn’t matter if you love him the most or not, he wants to be there to support you and to love you from afar like the rest of them. But he’s the only one that ever remembers you loving everyone else. Even if his life is constantly buzzing around the same two weeks he’ll always be happy to bear the restart because it means that he might get to know you all over again. He’ll always be the same for you. Always. 

“And I can’t, I can’t, I can’t remember. Just how to forget, forget the way. That we danced, we danced.” Sometimes it hurts to know too much. Ignorance is bliss as they say. There are times when it hurts so much that he just clutches his head in his hands and tries to shut it off. But he can’t remember a time without you in his life. He cannot remember a moment before you. It’s almost impossible to think about the time before his life became a neverending loop. Every time that Seven closes his eyes he thinks back to that time where you were in his arms. That memory is so much for him. 

“And when you ask, you ask me how I’m doing. Like you know, you know how much better off I am. And when we danced, we danced.” Seven is never sure if you do remember him the way that he remembers you. He never gets the chance to ask that, nor does he think he wants to know if your heart is as heavy as he is. He couldn’t imagine how much pain you would be in every time the game resets and you have to start from the bottom all over again. What pain would that be like? No, every time you choose someone other than him, he holds himself together the day of the party and tries to keep your interactions as brief as possible. He won’t admit it but he is happy for you, he just often has trouble seeing you so happy in the arms of another member. It’s too much for his heart to bear. No, those days you smile at him and speak to him like it’s the first time in forever, and the way those eyes sparkle as you ask him how he’s feeling burns that feeling even further into his skull. 

“You were the song stuck in my head. Every song that I’ve ever loved. Played again and again and again. And you can get what you want but it’s never enough. And I spin for you like your favorite records used to. And I spin for you like your favorite records used to.” Seven can’t remove the mark that you’ve placed on his life, nor does he want to forget the way that you’ve made him feel. You’re everything that he’s ever loved, and even though you only stay at his side for a few short days, those days are everything that he can touch. It’s what he wants, but it’s never that true forever after that he wishes so desperately to hold onto. 

But as long as you’re in his life, he will take this pain that comes with a price, and he will always be there for you in whatever way that you need him to be. Be it a friend, a best friend, a brother-in-law, a lover, a flirt, a prankster, or even a husband... anything. Anything that you need of him he will be as the world spins around as it’s head and he relives those two weeks over and over just to have a chance with you. “I spin, I spin, I spin, I spin. For you, for you, for you, for you,”

And it all goes back to the start when you show up in his life once again, reliving those first words that made his heart belong to you: MC has entered the chatroom.

[davewakeman]

Talking Tickets--8 May 2020: Refunds! Social Seating! Strategy! More!

Hey There! 

Thanks for being here again this week. If you are enjoying this newsletter, tell your friends and colleagues to sign up by visiting this link.

What a week?!

How’s everyone doing?

Everyone hanging in there?

Let me know. I read a piece on the mental health crisis that is developing in tandem with the public health crisis and it shakes me to consider how much pain folks might be facing, alone.

Join me and my buddy, Ken Troupe, for a happy hour this evening at 5 PM EDT. We’ve switched our platform and protocol to make sure folks can get in and to add a layer of security in case we have anybody try and disrupt the meeting.

If you haven’t had the chance to check out our Slack Community yet…do it!

To the tickets!

————————————————————————————————————

1. Are We Thinking About What Comes Next In The Right Way? 

This week, the big news has been coming up about plans to return and what events will look like in the future.

I don’t know about you, but if I see one more far fetched social distance seating plan…

This week I’ve been reading a book called A More Beautiful Question and it talks about questions being more valuable than ever in modern life. If you’ve had the chance to work with me or hear me speak, you know that I love to talk about my questions and that I often use questions to reframe and reflect on the ideas that “everyone knows to be true” or to rethink “the way we’ve always done it.”

Of course, I link to a piece I wrote at the top and I don’t usually do that, but in this case, as I’ve been watching things shake out around the world, I continue to be struck by the idea that if we aren’t careful, the industry comes out of this mess worse off, not better off, than when we went into it.

If you look at the history of pandemics and financial crises, you’ll see that more things stay the same than things that change. I’ve been following along with Scott Galloway and Kara Swisher on their podcast, Pivot. Scott and Kara have been consistently talking about the way that this crisis is not going to radically change things but will accelerate trends that were already taking place in the market.

Hey…they didn’t steal the idea from me, I stole it from Peter Drucker.

But that’s the reality of what we are dealing with. In rushing to get things back to normal, we are likely setting ourselves up for longer-term pain because we aren’t addressing the underlying issues that were already evident before the pandemic like poor marketing, pricing that priced out huge segments of the population, technology that doesn’t always meet the demands of modern consumers, and many more.

So when I started thinking on that topic this week, I came around to the idea that maybe we aren’t asking the right questions and I don’t know how much bigger a crisis you need to get you to approach your business from a new angle?!

The truth is that we don’t really know when we will be able to readily get back to holding events because the science behind what needs to be in place to safely open isn’t certain. The idea that Congress is going to give folks a waiver to protect businesses from people getting sick is pretty sick in its own way.

I understand there are psychological aspects to the desire to plow ahead with ideas on reopening, but I just hope that folks aren’t using these ideas to hide from a more balanced and thoughtful approach to what comes next.

Maybe I’m wrong, but let me know what y’all are thinking.

2. Refunds and Such Only Get More Attention:

Some screenshots started popping up this week, showing that StubHub has been locking folks’ accounts if they initiated chargebacks for tickets to events that were delayed, canceled, or postponed.

Well! Well! Well!

Bold move! I guess you can do whatever you want, but this isn’t a move I would make.

StubHub isn’t alone in catching heat either with Ticketmaster getting pushback, SeatGeek having a lawsuit filed against them, and pretty much folks all over the place complaining about refund and exchange policies.

To put my personal experience into play here, I have tickets to some Wilco shows and some Pearl Jam shows that have either been postponed or are iffy. I’m cool with the tickets to the new shows unless I’m traveling for business.

But I’ve been talking to a lot of folks inside and outside of the industry, and the way some folks are approaching this is: We will do the least required and other folks are taking the tact that “our fans and customers need the money more than we do right now.”

This whole scenario as it plays out highlights a few things that we should be conscious of and are also part of the reason I led with asking the right question:

1. Are we in business to build long-term relationships with our fans and customers? 2. If we hold people’s money now, what’s the long-term impact on our ability to have customers trust us in the future? 3. How can we do a better job of risk management and financial management in the future to help cover unexpected events?

I could go on all day with these questions…but the reality is that the refund and exchange policies that are being rolled out aren’t doing folks a lot of favors, minus the NFL.

If this were a PR battle alone, I think we could all figure out a way to overcome the messaging war.

But the larger issue it highlights is how fragile the business of tickets, sports, and entertainment is and it should elevate a lot of these core discussions because it doesn’t seem wise to just rush back to the same 0ld, same old…in fact, it seems downright dangerous. 

3. Bailing out the arts and entertainment:

In the UK, members of the House of Lords are calling for a bailout of the performing arts.

When we were early in the pandemic, the NATB was one of the organizations calling for some support to folks in the world of tickets.

And, the Australian government pledged money to support the entertainment industry.

The response of governments around the world has been varied, understandably. Because even in normal times, the support that the arts and entertainment receive varies depending on many factors.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been keeping an eye on the conversation around Rugby Australia.

Right now, we are seeing the struggles to get Broadway reopened. The Bundesliga’s return was pushed back to May 22 after originally being slated for 15 May.

The thing is that concerts, events, and a whole summer is likely to be wiped out, if not completely, almost completely.

The We Will Recover initiative put together by the folks at Activity Stream, along with efforts like Rescue Meet being organized by Eric Fuller, and several other trade efforts are all being designed as industry efforts to help rescue and rebuild the industry, but when a vital part of the economy, social and mental part of the economy, and spiritual wellbeing of the community is under such dire threat, government support and intervention is likely warranted.

The form of that assistance is likely to vary from country to country, but if any organization or group is looking to lobby their government for assistance, let me know. I’d be grateful to use my experience organizing political campaigns in NYC and messaging in a presidential election to this effort.

4. How will we deal with the financial impact of the loss of events is a serious concern: 

ESPN reported that the loss of revenue due to the shutdown of sports could reach $12B in the United States. To quote my friend, Derek Palmer, “that’s a number.”

No one is immune. 

Everyone is struggling with how to get games and events going again. I’m looking at what is going on in Israel where they are going to restart on May 30 with isolation for teams at home between matches. The Israeli league recognizes that there are dangers with starting up and that there is a distinct possibility that the league could find itself shutting down again due to a fresh outbreak of the disease.

The reality is that the financial impact on the industry, globally, is going to be massive…even in a best-case scenario.

There are various plans and ideas about getting some semblance of a season going for a lot of sports due to the need for clubs and leagues to collect their TV rights monies.

But the realization is coming into focus that even with the TV money, a lot of sports businesses are still going to be in trouble.

The challenge of revenues is going to touch buildings and businesses around the globe as concerts and productions are pushed into 2021 and 2022, for now. This is before we even know what could happen with a Wave 2 of the coronavirus or what needs and demands are put in place to ensure that people’s health is protected.

As we see with the AFL’s strong media numbers from the past month, attention is great, but the bigger question isn’t whether or not folks are giving you their eyeballs because in this situation….it is much more important that people give you their money.

So we have to think through ways to help generate revenue due to the attention that folks are giving us.

Megan Maurice wrote about how these events bind us together and give us a common touchpoint, a sense of identity. She’s absolutely right. I think back on the Capitals run to the Stanley Cup two seasons back and how I’d never really felt a real strong connection to anything DC until that point…coming out of the pandemic, my hope is that we all find ways to come together like that around sports and entertainment again.

And, that this coming together leads to better ways of connecting with fans, growing a sustainable fan base, and generating money.

Impressions, engagement, likes, and the lot have always been BS measures of success.

Coming out of such a huge challenge to our business models, the only path forward is going to be more creative, more customer-focused, and more focused on the meaningful over the easily measured.

5. Some random things that didn’t fit into a story but are fun to share:

The New Jersey Devils are starting up healthcare workers plan to get tickets to healthcare workers at a nearby medical facility. This is great and I hope that healthcare workers aren’t easily forgotten at the end of this pandemic.

In Australia, it is interesting to watch the NRL and the AFL take different approaches to return to action. A few things that stand out for attention is the power of money, how having controllable assets is helpful, and to think about how this will play out with a potential second wave of the coronavirus in North America in the fall since the southern hemisphere is in fall and heading to winter.

Tom Cruise is going to space! I mean, I love the Mission: Impossible movies. But if one goes to space! OMG! I’m going to the theatres ASAP for that!

Y’all know I went to the University of Alabama, right? Here’s a great interview with Alabama men’s basketball coach, Nate Oats talking about his day shadowing Nick Saban. 

One of the publications I definitely want to write for at some point is The Stage. And, the importance of the publication is more pronounced in the times of the coronavirus.

I don’t know if A-Rod and JLo are really serious about buying the Mets, but as a Mets’ fan, the idea is interesting to think about. I mean, I have documents and plans for how to regrow the Mets’ fan base and business that I jot down and play around with all the time.

Finally, a downturn is a great time to start something new.

—————————————————————————————————————- Check out my website daily. I’ve been making sure to add a little something to my blog every day. Also, I should have a few new things dropping this week in regards to events I’ll be a part of, webinars, classes, and a few other things.

You can download some old podcast episodes and now that I’ve fixed my internet, I’m going to get back to the podcasting game.

Sign up for my masterclass on the We Will Recover website with my friend, Frederic Aouad. We are going to cover how to turn your event into a revenue-generating experience using the power of curation. We are doing 2 sessions so that if you live in Europe, you can get a session mid-day on your end and one in the North American mid-day time period as well. 

Please follow and like us:

Talking Tickets–8 May 2020: Refunds! Social Seating! Strategy! More! was originally published on Wakeman Consulting Group

[poutypanic]

Finding Purpose Chapter 9

Rated Mature. Fem!Reader. 

AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10529928/chapters/24994224

Chapter Summary: Ana and a large group of others go away on a mission. Leaving you and Hanzo, with a small group of others behind. There are some shenanigans and then, some stuff and things happen. Here's a hug (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃.

Fic Summary: You've been living alone in Hanamura for the past five years, and are content to stay that way. You have a troubled past and have let it isolate you. One night a ruckus is coming from the Shimada Castle. Against your better judgment you check it out, eventually, you end up befriending an archer with a past as equally troubling as yours.This is a romance/fluff and slow burn, coupled with action and angst.

The halls of the Watchpoint have been eerily quiet as of late. Most agents, save for a small group, are gone. Ana had insisted that taking more agents than necessary on their current mission could prove to be more of a weakness than a strength. Torbjorn had been one of the agents benched, but he joyfully informed everyone he will be using the time to go and visit his family. Satya also was left behind but be seems to be a person who values her alone time. You understand, so you don't bother her. McCree is also in the facility somewhere. Though he might have dipped out, as it’s been a few days since you last saw him.

It is a lovely day out. It’s the middle of fall, but the temperature is in the low sixties. The clouds keep the sun from being too harsh, and the air smells especially fresh today. Not that either you or Hanzo are paying any attention to the weather, because he’s been trying to teach you how to properly climb. Unfortunately for him, you’re not an easy student. You’ve spent a good portion of your morning using the rock climbing wall in the facility getting in practice for the real thing. Hanzo had been patient with you up until this particular moment. And even now he’s still showing a lot of restraint.

Hanzo had found a section of the facility that’s made up of different materials than the other sides. It’s got plenty of places for grip and is similar to the rock climbing wall. Before Hanzo had climbed up onto the roof, he had laid out a path for you that in his opinion is “child's play.” Now he’s on the roof looking down at you refusing to follow him up there.

“Climbing is an essential skill!”

“You’re the archer here. You gain the advantage from being up high. What do I gain from being up that high? It’s not essential for me to learn to climb.”

Hanzo looks like he’s just heard the dumbest series of sentences. He takes caution before saying anything else at the risk of coming off arrogant, “You gain safety by being up high. From enemies, such as yourself, who would be able to kill you easily on the ground. That...is what you gain.”

“Hmm, you make a good argument!”

He points to the top of the roof, “Get. Up. Here!”

“But I don’t wanna; I’m just gonna fall.”

“You will not fall. If you do this…” He sighs, “I will reward you.”

You gasp and place a hand on your chest, “Really now?”

He nods and gives you a sly smile.

You shrug, “You’d let me have it either way.”

“Do not test me!”

There’s movement on the other side of the building that catches your eye. You instantly start to cackle when you see it’s McCree, leaning around the corner, a cigarillo in his mouth, and a silly grin on his face.

“Y’all have some real odd foreplay.” He steps out from behind the wall, looks up towards Hanzo, and then back to you, “Stop bein’ a chicken. If I were you, I’d already be up there.”

“Damn, you’re right,” you say loud enough that McCree can hear you, but low enough that Hanzo can’t.  

McCree chuckles at your friendly response. You shake out your nervousness, clap your hands together, and wink at Hanzo. Hanzo thinks that is the most ridiculous sight. He’s trying to be serious with you right now, but a deep belly laugh is threatening to make him break. So he says, “Do. Not. Wink at me!”

You nearly get yourself onto the wall but wuss out at the last second. You groan, “I’m sorry!”

“There are no prizes for holding back!”

McCree is having a delightful time and thinks this is the most entertaining thing he’s seen all week. He bends over placing his elbow on his knees, the cigarillo still dangling out of his mouth, and it doesn’t look like it’s lit anymore.

He slaps his knees once and says, “Get’cher ass up there!”

Once you finally get yourself going, it’s easy. You’re currently in the best physical condition you’ve ever been in your life, and Hanzo is an excellent trainer. You make it up and over with no slip ups. McCree hoots and claps for you, and Hanzo claps along with him. Hanzo’s got a big smile for you, and that alone is well worth the climb.

“Sublime!”

McCree calls up to you guys, “Y’all have fun now!”

You try to reach out to Hanzo. You had sweet intentions, and a simple hug would have sufficed. But apparently, he was being serious about your reward. He grabs a hold of your wrist and uses it to flip you around. Hanzo presses his whole body against yours. While he’s holding your arm against your stomach, his other hand glides down into your needy space. There he massages moans and whines from you.

He nuzzles his face into your neck as he whispers, “See? That wasn't so hard, was it?”

You grind your butt against his crotch and chuckle, “No. But something else is.”

~

You and Hanzo have been taking full advantage of having the Watchpoint nearly all to yourselves. While one of the implications of that is obvious, the other one includes getting drunk and hanging out in the mess hall. Sitting on top of the tables, eating stupid amounts of food, and playing a virtual game of chess. His tablet is sitting between the two of you, and a neat looking interactive hologram shines about a foot above it.

You’re heckling him, and you think you’re being real funny.

“Oh, no, thats’ a bad move! You shoud'n do that move, 'cause its’ a bad.”

Unlike the last time you were drunk, this time, Hanzo is on your level. He stops what he’s doing to laugh silently.

“Stop—“ When Hanzo is drunk he doesn't slur. What he does is pause and then restart again. The pausing happening more often than the restarting. “Stop— trying, to— you will not get in my head.”

“Baby, I already there. I’m jus’ doin’ you a favor. You’can mess it up if you wanna, go right ahead!”

He hangs his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking from laughter. “I—I, am, not, taking advice from, a person, who is losing.”

“Am I losin’?” You say with exaggerated disbelief.

“Yes!”

You shrug your shoulders, “Fine! Be my guest, I’d love teh’ see ya’ do a dumb move so, entertain me, go a-head, you have my permission.”

“Does your permission, include silence—long enough for me to do, anything?”

“I thought you said you weren’ lettin’ me in your head!”

“I would not be, if you, were, not—such, a heathen!”

You lay back onto the table, laughing and holding onto your side. You couldn’t care less about the chess game. Hanzo doesn’t care either, but he does enjoy playfully arguing with you.

“You’know that's probly’ hurtful!”

The chess game never does get a victor. It’s easily forgotten, and you end up with your head lazily resting against his shoulder. You might be ready to pass out, but you’re enjoying the sight of the dragons and the pup playing far too much to close your eyes just yet. Right now, even the stern one is jumping around, chirping, and having a grand ol’ time.

You muse, “It feels really nice teh’ see that one hav’in fun.”

Hanzo is engrossed in something on his tablet. He puts it down, so he can look at what you’re talking about. When he does, you just happen to see that he is sending a message to Genji.

“Oh, no, no, no!”

You snatch the tablet and lift your butt up, so you can sit on it. It takes far too many moments for Hanzo to even process what happened. After a couple of false started sentences, he manages to get out, “Give, it back.”

“M’ not gonna let you send any sad, ass, drunk messages to ya’ brother, its’ not happen.”

He gently pats your cheek, “You are, talking, like an idiot.”

You cackle, “Ive’ been talkin’ like n’ idiot this whole time! You now only jus’ noticed!”    

Hanzo rests his forehead against your temple, “It is, not sad— you can read it, and approve of it, if you wish.”

You do wish, as you don’t believe him. So you pull the tablet out and look the message over. He wasn’t lying to you. Nothing about the message is sad. Nonsensical? A ramble with good grammar? Yes, but not sad. You approve of the message and let him send it. Genji will no doubt have fun with that one. Hell, he might even love it.

Hanzo hiccups so harshly that he as to clutch his chest and groans. “Oh, I think it, might be time to go to bed.”

~

Another day goes by, and the night comes around. Initially, Hanzo had gone to bed with you. One of the things Angela has taught you is that routine is essential for a healthy sleep schedule. And one of the things that has always been consistent is Hanzo. So when he leaves the bed, it doesn't take long for your body and mind to notice, and consequentially you wake up.

At first, you are so sleep-ridden that you don’t notice why you woke. But then you feel a familiar cold sensation against your back, and your interest is peaked. You look behind you to see the still nameless, stern dragon staring you down. Your immediate reaction is to look around the room for Hanzo, who is nowhere to be found. Your heart starts to race, because something feels off.

You sit up and look the dragon right in the face, “Please take me to him.”

The dragon lets off a soft chirp and nods. It leaps off the bed and leads you out of the room. It gingerly trots down the halls, stopping every once in a while to make sure you are still following. Eventually, the dragon leads you into the briefing room, where Hanzo is sitting at a computer terminal. You softly say his name, and when he looks back at you, he doesn’t look guilty or shocked that you’ve stumbled upon him. Hanzo knew that the dragon would lead you here. In fact, he is grateful that it happened sooner than later. He needs your advice on something that is of great importance to him.

“I would like to preface with, this might sound… ludicrous.”

“I have no problem with that.”

“I am trying to find Genji’s location.” You nod, and he continues, “I think he might be in trouble. I have no tangible evidence. Other than...he has not communicated with me since last night. This is mostly based off of a feeling, but it is a strong one.”

He stops and looks at you waiting for your input, “Okay. So what are we doing about it?”

The only way to explain the expression on his face is that it is one of pure admiration and gratitude. He looks back towards the computer, “Do you know anything about hacking? I am not having much luck.”

You don’t, but you’ll try your hardest. “Move over.”

While you are trying to hack into the mission files, a familiar voice breaks through the concentration.

“What the hell are y’all doin’? Y’all were loud as hell last night, and now ur’ in here doin’ god knows what! What the fuck is goin’ on in here?”

You don’t know it yet, but McCree is wide awake for very similar reasons. The exact same reasons, in fact. McCree, who also communicates with Genji every single day, hasn’t heard from him, and it’s keeping him awake. Hanzo’s feelings must be severe, because he doesn't waste any time letting McCree know the exact truth, unafraid of any judgment.

McCree actually stumbles back, shocked that Hanzo is putting into words exactly what he is worried about, “I know where he’s at.”

Hanzo shoots up out of his seat, “Tell me!”

“I will, but I’m comin’ with you guys. You can’t stop me.”

“I was not going to try to.”

Neither were you. McCree lets the both of you know where Genji is at, and why he is there. You’d question why McCree knows so much and whether he’s actually supposed to know these things, but neither answer would really matter. Genji and Zenyatta have been tasked with “curing” some feral omnics. There is a wear house full of the things.

They all got inflicted with a nasty virus during the war, as a means to turn them against their own allies. They’re all wound up tighter than a spring and ready to tear anything apart that dares cross their path. Genji and Zenyatta have been tirelessly trying to figure out a solution to the problem that doesn't include putting them out of commission. The last time McCree heard it wasn’t going well, and was reaching a point where they’d need to make a hard decision.

The three of you are going to be in big trouble, not that even one of you is worried about this fact. McCree knows how to fly, so you borrow a aircraft and make your way out in the dead of night. Absolutely no one's permission was asked to do this. Ana, and the others, will all be coming back by early evening, and there is no way in hell you guys will make it back in time for Ana to not know that you left. It doesn't matter, however, because you’re all more than willing to deal with the consequences.

With such a high-tech plane at hand, you guys arrive at your destination in little over an hour. McCree lands the plane a safe distance away from the warehouse, and it only takes about fifteen minutes to get there on foot.

You guys stop just short of the facility and duck behind some bushes. You’ve got your harness and are ready to release the bots, so you do. You’re gawking at the warehouse, because it looks like it came right out of a horror movie. It’s dismal, run-down, and looks haunted.

Momentarily, you split up so you guys can find the best way into the building faster. The building is oddly structured. You find yourself at a wall that leads up to a ledge with a heavy duty sliding metal door, so you make your way up it.

“Hey guys, I found an entrance. I’ll see if it goes anywhere useful real quick. Northwest side of the building, make sure to look up.”

Hanzo, “On my way.”

McCree, “Y’all I think I might’ve found Zen. Not too sure, I’ma investigate.”

“Copy that.”

The door is open, but not by a lot. You can shimmy your way through it and see where it goes. But with your harness on, you won't fit. So you take it off and hold it in front of you as you shimmy your way through the small space. Not only is the door tall, but it turns out it’s extremely thick. When you’re about halfway through, you remember, and chastise yourself, for telling two broad-shouldered dudes to come here, to a space they clearly won't fit through. Still, you continue. Maybe it’s a door you can get to open up more.

As you get closer to what seems to be the end, it gets darker and darker. This is a foolish mistake, but at the end, you throw the harness, just so you can have a little more freedom of movement. You think it will be easy to get it back, but it won’t be. When the harness hits the floor you hear many loud hisses of hostility towards it. This makes you pause for a lengthy amount of time. Whatever is making that noise doesn't sound in any way friendly or like anything you want to deal with.

You’re not going to have a choice in the matter. One misplaced step sends you tumbling onto an unforgiving concrete floor. The things that hissed at the harness are now hissing at you. You remain as still as possible, every muscle in your body cramping up with fear. Lucky for you, the things that are surrounding you on all sides go back to their neutral state.

It takes you nearly fifteen minutes to stand up. Hanzo is sounding off in your ear, letting you know that he is here, but cannot get through the space, just as you had thought. However, you’re too afraid to speak, thinking that any noise is going to set off the things around you. The bots have provided you with a helpful night vision. And you can see that you are standing amongst the hundreds of feral omnics that Genji and Zenyatta have been trying to help.

You don’t know what the hell you are supposed to do next. Hanzo is desperately trying to get you to talk to him. It’s breaking your heart, but you are still so scared. Then things get worse. Much, much worse. An all too familiar black smoke catches your eye.

Stress tears start to form in your eyes. If the Reaper is here, then you are fucked. How are you supposed to deal with him and hundreds of feral omnics? The Reaper ghosts behind you and wraps a tentacle of smoke around your neck. An overwhelming feeling of bile bubbles up in your belly. The Reaper isn’t trying to kill you. That’s not how he wants it to happen, as he’s got bigger, more creative plans for that.

He whispers into your ear, “I think friendly fire is one of the most tragic ways to go, don’t you think?”

He hums in your ear, and it makes you feel even sicker. Then he leaves. Just like that, he goes. Doesn't do a thing to you. Leaving you to contemplate what the fuck he was talking about.

Suddenly a bright light shines from above, and the omnics are not happy about this at all. It's coming from yet another door that is placed unreasonably high up. How is anyone expected to be able to leave this room? Maybe that’s the point of its design, nobody is supposed to be able to leave. You look up to see an unfamiliar woman. She’s got Genji hooked under her arms, and she’s getting ready to drop him amidst all the beings he’s been trying to help.

She lets him fall hard onto the floor, and he hits with a loud reverberating smack. That’s enough to give you the nerve you need to speak up. Your voice is quiet, so quiet you’re surprised either of them can hear you.

“Genji is here. He’s here, he’s hurt, and we’re in trouble.”

Hanzo sighs heavily, “I will find a different way in.”

You would have liked to tell him good luck, but as the very first syllable comes out of your mouth, an omnic snaps it’s attention to you, stealing away any other words you have for Hanzo.

Genji is horribly mangled. Large parts of him are missing. An arm and a leg are just gone. The woman then throws a katana down after him, and it drops onto the floor just shy of Genji’s face. The omnics are starting to lose it. With the light, you can see clearly that they are caked over with rust and dirt. They are so dirty that they look nearly pitch black and look a hell of a lot like you.  

It instantly clicks that this is extremely bad for you. You get yourself moving, taking extremely careful steps, making sure you don’t disturb any of the omnics. You’re going to have to chance talking loud enough, so that Genji can hear you. He needs to know that you're here. Just as you are about to call out to Genji, a loud blaring noise sounds off. It sends the omnics into absolute madness, and the only clear target they have to throw their aggression at is Genji, who is still illuminated by the cruel and harsh light. You know he can’t hear you, but still, you call out his name.

As the omnics advance on him, you try your damnedest to make your way through the fray. But the more you push and shove, the more they realize that you, too, are a threat to them. So they start to tug and pull at your limbs, hell bent on tearing you apart, and God does it hurt. They are much stronger than you'd ever hope to be, and no matter how much you use your close quarters' skills to try and get away from them, nothing works. When you get one off of you, another is latching on. You narrowly avoid getting your arms and legs pulled from their sockets.

You look to Genij, who is now desperately trying to reach for his sword, but he can’t get to it. Several of the omnics have reached him and are trying to do the same thing to him that they are doing to you. With the katana still laying out of reach, you watch as an enormous dragon pulls itself from it. Brilliant, just as breathtaking and magnificent as Hanzo’s on the beach. But this one is a bright green color that is nearly blinding in such a closed space. Every omnic that it tears its way through, melts and sizzles, all of their wires and parts liquefying into terrifying pools on the ground.

Due to the loud and powerful dragon that is careening its way towards them, the omnics let you go, now focused on something much more threatening than you are. It dawns on you in a terrible wave of terror that you’re not going to be spared its wrath. This is exactly what the Reaper wants. It would seem he’d like you all to die in the most heart-wrenching ways possible. You take this opportunity to do the only thing that might save your life, you run. This dragon doesn't know you, and as it's decimating the omnics, it’s obvious that your bots have no chance at protecting you from it.

The loud blaring noise that sent the omnics into their extreme aggression has ceased. Now you are left with the unrelenting roaring of a dragon who will do anything to protect its master, and the mad screeching of hundreds of livid, dying omnics.

You find yourself down a hall, pushing yourself past even more of the omnics. This hall has an end, with a wall that is smooth and unclimbable. The roaring continues and will reach you soon. With your back pressed up against the dead end, the bots make a last ditch attempt to save your life. They retreat, faster than they ever have before. They think that perhaps if the dragon can see that you are human, it will let you live.

Hot tears run down your face. You don’t want to die, but it seems you're not going to have a choice in the matter. You slide down the smooth surface and close your eyes tight, preparing yourself for immense pain. The powerful roar is overwhelming now, so loud you think your ears might start to bleed. The creature is merely a couple of feet away from you now. That cliche notion that life flashes before your eyes before you die? It’s true.

Your world falls into deafening silence, and for a moment you think you must be in the afterlife. But once the blood starts to clear from your ears, you realize you can still feel your heart beating.

Chirp! Chirp!

Your whole entire body is shaking, and you can’t believe what you are hearing.

Chirp! Chirp!

You’re too afraid to open your eyes. Like perhaps you might be in a suspended state, and the enormous deadly creature is still getting ready to melt the flesh from your body.

Chirp! Chirp!

You managed to peel your eyes open. Sitting there, slamming its tail against the floor in a fervent fashion, is a medium, dog-sized dragon, with the same friendly demeanor as the ones you are more familiar with. Except this one is desperately trying to get you to follow it. When it sees that it has your attention it starts to jump around, slamming its front paws into the ground, and starts to chirp incessantly.

It’s obvious what it’s trying to get you to do. The problem is you can’t feel your body at the moment. You close your eyes and focus on your breathing, all while the creature is still yelling at you. Hanzo and McCree have been talking to you this whole entire time and still are. It’s only now that your psyche has let their voices register again.

McCree, “Come on now friend, you gotta talk to us! Ya’ better not do this shit.”

Your throat is dry, making you sound hoarse, “I’m not dead."

Hanzo is trying his best not to be upset, but you can still hear in his voice that he is angry. You understand; he’s allowed to be, “Was that a dragon?”

Oh, so they could hear the carnage. “Yes, it was,” you refrain from telling him how close you came to being a victim of the dragon's wrath. “I think we’re safe for right now. I’ll figure out a way out of here. McCree, did you find Zenyatta?”

McCree, “Yeah I found the Zen. He ain’t in good shape neither. Gonna need lots’a new parts.”

The first time you get up, you fall right back onto the floor. Your legs feel like shaky jello. The dragon hops around you, unrelenting in its pursuit to try and get you to follow it. The second time you get up, you manage to stay on your feet. As you follow the dragon, it stops several times to make sure you aren't going to walk over any of the piles of goo on the floor. It wants you to follow its exact path.

You do. You let it guide you to exactly where you need to be. As you approach Genji, he is slumped against the wall, his head rolled over to the side.

Hanzo sounds winded, and is that pain in his voice? “I am having setbacks, I will be there shortly.”

“Hanzo just take care of yourself. We’re not in danger anymore. We’ll manage, just meet us back at the aircraft.”

“Are you absolutely sure?”

“Yes, I’m positive.”

Every time the comm would buzz, you could hear gun shots. The Reaper and that woman must be giving him hell. The dragon takes a seat next to its master and cocks its head from side to the side. You kneel down in front of him, “Genji? Hey bud, you awake?”

You need him to be awake. He’s still got one good leg, and that’ll be enough to help you get him the hell out of here. His eyes flutter open, and the man smiles.

“I sure hope I am not dead. It would be tragic if you’re here too.”

Ridiculous, “This look like the afterlife to you?”

He shrugs, “Only the dead know what it really looks like.”

“Alright, Plato, you’re not dead okay?”

“Ah, happy to hear it.”

“You ready to get the hell outa dodge?”

“Yes, but my friend—.”

“Zenyatta? The cowboy already got him. We’re good to go.”

Genji chuckles, “Alright, then. Let's get out of here.”

Before you help him up, you ask him, “Are you in any pain?”

“No. My mind is weary, and so is my soul, but I am not in pain.”

You actually have no idea how to get out of this room. Your mind snaps back to how you told Hanzo you didn't need any help. Why the hell did you do that? Lucky for you, the dragon has got it handled. It’s chirping and hopping in a corner of the room. Before getting Genji, you check what it's trying to point out to you.

The dragon is showing you a vent. It's low to the ground and rusted over, but you’re able to kick it in with little effort. It's not exactly big, but you’ll both manage. You let Hanzo know that it might take a while for you guys to make it out of the building, because Genji can only move so fast right now.

As you’re helping Genji get to where he needs to be, you can see the look on his face shift as he takes in the hundreds of piles of what used to be the feral omnics. You can only imagine how he must be feeling. Seeing all of the things he had been trying to save, ruined, by his own dragon. You’d try and make him feel better about it. It’s not his fault; it’s the Reapers, but now's really not the time. And you’re not the right person for that job, anyway.

Getting through the vent is nearly comical. Actually, it is. You knock your head against all four sides trying to look back to see how Genji is fairing. And Genji is not fairing well, because only one of his arms is fully functional, while the other is barely helpful. Every once in a while Hanzo will ask, in a shockingly mellow tone, for a status update, and you always simply state, “Still in the vent.”

Then you have the brilliant idea that if you shimmied ahead a little bit, he could reach out, grab your ankle, and pull himself forward. Without any grip for you to hang on to, what happened instead, is that he just ended up pulling you back. So you're back where you started, and he didn’t move an inch. It feels like it takes an hour to finally make it out the other side. In reality, it only took twenty minutes, but still, that's a long time.

Hanzo, “The Reaper, and the sniper have retreated. Still, take caution when getting to the aircraft.”

“Got it. We’re finally out of the vent and on our way.”

You both make it back safely. As you approach, Hanzo is standing in the open hangar, on high alert, bow in hand, and an arrow ready. When he sees you, he throws the bow onto the ground and helps you get Genji into the craft faster. McCree is looming over an omnic you are assuming to be Zenyatta. He wasn’t kidding when he said he’d need new parts, and he doesn’t seem to be conscious.  

When McCree looks back to see Genji his eyes light up with an assortment of emotions. God, he is happy to see him, but he’s also fighting heavy sorrow, due to the terrible shape he is in. When you set Genji down, McCree is already at his side, “Hey partner, what’n the hell you get yourself into huh?”

Hanzo’s attention is fixed on Genji. Seeing him in person again after so long, and in such dismal conditions, seems to be taking a toll. Except, there is something more there in his facial expression that makes your stomach drop.

“Han? Are you okay?”

He nods.

That a lie, and you know it. “Jesse, I’m really not trying to be insensitive, but we need to get going.”

“Na, your’ right. We’ll have plenty’a time to caught up once wer' safe.”

You don’t see Jesse give Genji a quick kiss on the forehead, before he hops up to go get the aircraft going. You’re too focused on Hanzo, quickly inspecting him for the cause of the ill look. It doesn't take you long to find it: a deep dark red spot that runs down the length of his clothes on his right side. You place a hand on his chest as you lift up the cloth to reveal a bullet wound.

“Oh, my—Hanzo! Sit down, right now!” You help guide him onto the floor, you’re suddenly very upset with him, “What the hell is wrong with you? How dare you not tell me you got shot.” With more quiet volition, “Why would you keep this from us?”

No answer.  

Genji tries to get up, but can’t. “Where brother?”

Hanzo doesn't answer, so you answer for him, “His back, close to his lungs.”

You leave Hanzo sitting on the ground to go find medical supplies. He must be in shock, has to be in shock, there’s no way he would deliberately hide such a life-threatening wound on purpose. You’re in denial, and refuse to believe that. It hurts too much to think so. You’re going to have to deal with the truth of the matter later.

As you’re gathering heaps of gauze, and dressings you tell Jesse, “Hey we need to get in contact with Ana, let her know Hanzo’s hurt so Dr. Zeigler can—“

“Already did friend, she’s been tryna’ get ahold of us this whole time, she got notified the moment we took the aircraft fer'a joy ride. We’re in for one hell’of’a tongue lashin’.”

You don’t give a fuck about getting chewed out right now. All you want to know is that someone will be there to help Hanzo at the base. Hanzo’s finally taken some initiative, he’s removed his sleeve before you got back, so that you have clear access to his wound. Your heart is racing. To the eye, it doesn't look all that bad. But this is bringing you back to that truck bed with the little boy you couldn’t save. As always there is only so much you can do, and right now all you can do is dress his wound and apply pressure to keep it from bleeding any more than it already has.

If he’s got an injury on the inside, like a damaged organ, or internal bleeding; then you can’t, you wouldn’t be able to…

You rest your forehead up against his shoulder blade, and shut your eyes tight. Your heart is breaking, and you’re trying to keep yourself from being angry. Your eyes are threatening to let the tears fall again. You’ve got your palm firmly pressed against the wound. If Hanzo’s in pain he’s not letting it show. You’ll keep the pressure as long as you have to.

Your left leg is thrown out next to him, Hanzo places a hand on your knee, his grip isn't strong, but it’s still enough to help you believe that he’s going to be okay.

Genji says your name, “Has my brother ever told you any stories about our childhood?”

“A few.” Your words have an unwanted crack in them, but it was all that you could manage.

“Hmpf! Let me tell you about this one time, when we were very young; Hanzo? You must have been, ten? Me, seven? Surely you remember the time—” Genji has a hard time telling the story, because he has to stop to laugh between segments, “We were watching a movie in a theatre, and Hanzo, you, you— you burped so loud that the lady— the lady in front of us,” Genji says your name to ensure that you are still listening. “I am telling you, the lady in front of us smacked her husband on the back of the head so hard, he lifted up out of his seat, cause she thought it came from him!”

Hanzo finishes with, “They got into such a heated argument they had to leave, heh.”

Jesse chimes in, “How come ya’ never told me that one Genji?”

“Some stories are best told with the person they happened with.”

Hanzo laughs weakly, “We had far too much soda that day.”

“Well, it was the appropriate amount for two kids who were having a burping contest, don’t you think?”

“Yes, I suppose it was.”

“Fortunately for our own entertainment, some of it chose to stick with you, unfortunate, for that man and his wife.”

Nobody in this aircraft is in a good place. Some are worried, while others are torn apart or hurt. Genji insists on telling more stories, and you are grateful. You understand what he’s doing, and will have to remember to thank him later. Getting back to the Watchpoint is easy. Everyone is already back, and Ana is waiting for you guys in the hangar.  

The doctor gets straight to work on helping Hanzo. Genji and Zenyatta are crippled but they will survive without immediate help, Hanzo will not. She is appalled by the number of people who are in her infirmary, and only allows a couple people to stay to assist. You are vehemently told you will not be one of them. At least before you leave she tries to assure you that Hanzo will be okay, it could have been far worse. You believe her, but it doesn't make you feel any better.

Ana gives those who are able to listen to her a tongue lashing like you’ve never received before. You could push back on her words. There are plenty of reasons why you guys were justified in leaving, but really you don't have the energy, or the gusto to argue back. All of your brain power is so caught up in stressing over Hanzo, that it doesn’t even hurt that she’s pissed. In fact, it’s a welcome distraction

[aurimeanswind]

Friends and High Places—Sunday Chats (7-9-17)

I’m in the sky. Yes, I can fly and write at the same time. No, but really, I am currently on my flight back home from Austin because apparently Sunday Chats don’t stop for NOTHING. Not since I missed a couple weeks in a row, because apparently people miss this when it’s gone. So let’s chat.

Friends from Far Long and Far Away Places

This weekend was incredibly special for me. Though I’ve definitely mentioned her on Sunday Chats before, today she gets a big dedication. It’s story time.

A little over three years ago my would-be friend Jazz started following me on Twitter because of a mutual love of Game Grumps. Some DMs later we’d be chatting back in forth together ever since August of 2014. It’s not often for me to have someone kind of ethereal, who you can hold a conversation with for almost three years without ever meeting them, but Jazz was that person for me.

It’s been a long time, and I often referred to her in my head as my “pen pal”. Sometimes you can meet people by total happenstance, and it all started with her DMing me about what I went to school for. From there, I found one of the best friends I’d have in my life, and like I said, a near-continuous conversation with the same person for almost three years.

I’m very privileged in this life. For a number of reasons, but one such is that I always try to avoid taking for granted are the folks I have befriended on my journey through writing and gaming. Jazz is a friend I made almost entirely separate from that, separate from any specific community or event. Separate from any one moment and almost entirely through luck and serendipity. It was just a lucky mutual follow.

This weekend I took a trip to Austin so I could finally meet her in person. It’s a trip I had been playing around with for a long while and decided to book on the same weekend as RTX so that I’d be able to see some other friends while I was in town.

I’m lucky that Jazz was totally okay with me selfishly wanting to take up her time and spend plenty of one-on-one time together. What did we do? Well, we talked of course. But more so, I listened. I got to sit and listen to her stories, to her life, about her friends, her opinions, her experiences, and just like that, the continuous conversation that’s already been going on was championed through this weekend. We even sat and watched her favorite movie of all time, Clue, which I had never seen before, and is really pretty great.

Listening to her, I can’t begin to convey to you all, you wonderful Sunday Chats readers, how incredible a person she is. She is fierce. She is strong. To me, she is power embodied. She is inspiring. She takes no bullshit, she is protective, and she is a total and complete badass. To list all the things I admire in her would be to carry on for far too long, and considering she is probably reading this, I’m sure she’d be suuuuper embarrassed if I did, but I’ll try and keep it succinct.

She’s an award winning journalist. She’s incredibly witty, smart, and balanced. She is an excellent conversationalist. She is maybe the funniest person I have ever met. She is gorgeous and has a fire that burns on the inside and out. She’s one of my best friends. She was even kind enough to listen to me rant on about my life, my troubles, and things I’ve never told anyone else in my life, because I can’t help but say too much around her.

I’d count her amongst three that I depend and rely on truly and completely. Through this last month and a half, where my depression has been incredibly troubling and I’ve been in one of the worst places of my life since 2012, she has been an endless resource of support and comfort, even though she herself is has been through the ringer. She inspires me, makes me smile, and reminds me of how lucky I am to be here.

There are truly only three people in this world I can speak so highly of. She is one of them. I know it’s incredibly sappy, I know it’s a weird thing to splooge about in a massive public post, but I feel like I’ve brushed this friendship to the side like it’s some big secret, this distant friend from the internet. If she will proudly brag about me to her friends in the anticipation of my visit, then guess what? I’m gonna do it to my wonderful readers on my way out of Austin.

Thank you Jazz, for your support, for letting me be a part of your life, and for being an inspiring, fierce, and unendingly kind and caring badass.

Love you lots, J.

What I’ve Been Working On

My workflow is still pretty stilted. I think there is definitely something I’m held up on, and while I’m writing every day with insistence, I don’t know if it’s a help or a hindrance at this point. I’m playing around with getting to the 1000 day mark, which should fall sometime in this coming December, and then stop writing for a little while. We’ll see where things go and if any projects lift off the ground between now and then, but tentatively, I want to throw that out there.

I’m restarting a piece I was working on a long time ago on Overwatch, and I’m retouching up my first Case Study. I’m going to reshoot the first episode of Case Study, and now that ExtraLife is out of the way and I have a super nice new computer, I’ll be able to edit video ago. I’m definitely very concerned for the process, since I’m more than a little rusty, but I’m excited to see how it turns out. I need to reconfigure a few things about how I shoot the show, but I think it’ll look pretty good and sound great.

I also wrote a few one-off blog posts this week, which you can read HERE. One was on the Fourth of July, and the other was after watching the first episode of Netflix’s Castlevania series.

What’s on Tap

Overwatch

Yo I’m still playing Overwatch

I think i am generally winning a bit more now

That new character Doomfist looks pretty goddamn awesome doesn’t he?

I really like Overewatch still. It’s now pretty much all I play until I get into Nier Automata and Splatoon 2.

Castlevania Netflix Show

I have now watched all four episodes of the first season of this show. And it is, in my humble opinion, fantastic.

It definitely has a bit of a Game of Thrones vibe, in that it feels like a lived in world that has an established history, but it doesn’t boggle itself down too much in character names and family houses.

It just jumps into a world and it’s first episode, which is all about setting up Dracula as a villain, is just absolutely fantastic.

The rest of the series is about Trevor Belmont, the protagonist, who ends up being just as interesting as Dracula, but has a much longer arc, and seeing him slowly evolve as a character is really great.

The show is definitely gory and brutal, which I expected, and I think with the artstyle and the animation it does it super well. I was definitely a bit triggered by the graphic scene of *spoilers* someone being eaten. But y’all know that’s my weird specific phobia, whatcha gonna do?

The way it ends leaves me begging for more, and it’s already apparently been renewed for a second season. I cannot wait for more of this show, and I am totally hooked. I really recommend it, because it is a very good interpretation of the Casltevania universe and the way its tropes and ideas, like the whip, are conveyed into visuals, is fucking awesome.

Tomba 1 & 2

So I finished Tomba 1! Yay! I’ve been replaying that after finishing Alundra

Tomba is a great game! I think for the first time I ddi every last one of the quests in the run, all 130, which was a ton of fun.

I started Tomba 2, which was in the big switch from 2D to 3D, and it actually still looks pretty great.

For a 3D game from that era, it’s definitely super chunky and blocky, but the characters are very distinguishable, and it is 100% fully voice acted. The voice acting isn’t amazing, but for the time period it’s actually relatively stellar!

Tomba 2 is just such an amazing Metroidvania/RPG/Adventure game. I cannot recommend it enough.

Zelda Breath of the Wild

Oh look at this one cropping back up. I decided to get the DLC before shipping off to Austin this weekend, and it was a great idea.

Though I haven’t really dipped me toes in any of the new content, using the new map feature, I’ve been able to explore the areas I missed before. In my initial 110-ish hours I was uh… surprisingly thorough, let’s say. But goddamn.

I still have a few shrines left, 17 now, I believe, and I really want to find all of them. I have yet to consult a guide.

Questions

As always you can get your question in Sunday Chats by replying to my tweet on Sunday afternoons with the hashtag #SundayChats in it!

Hrm. I really like them as they are, I’ll be honest. I don’t think they’re necessarily perfect. I think, and I had a recent conversation about this with Jazz actually, that the effort to make Snape a redeemable character all at the last minute felt a little forced. It worked for me, but I think if you wanted to make it really believably, for everyone, folks like Jazz who really hates him, you could have layered it out a lot more. We get a little bit of it in book 5 and the rest in book 7. Now I think the opposite works super well for Dumbledore, where you kind of learn about his troubled past in book 7, and it works so well because you can clearly tell he is aspiring and working toward redemption so much throughout the rest of his life. The kind of breaking down of his character in the final entry of the series hits so hard because we get to see that so well reflected through Harry.

I think there are plenty of characters that could have been fleshed out. I honestly would have loved to just spend more time in that world, more time in the classes, more time learning the history, but I don’t think that is a thing that would have worked in this story, Harry’s story, specifically.

I also haven’t read Cursed Child yet, still. And I’m still maybe a little concerned it’ll ruin a bit of the magic for me. I really enjoyed Fantastic Beasts though, in spite of its issues.

I mentioned it a little bit above, but yeah, I thought it was fantastic. Just the character work specifically worked so well for me. There was a lot of attention given to make Dracula such a sympathetic villain. Even though it’s essentially a trope we’ve seen before, I think it’s used really well, because beyond the incidents that set up his villainy in the series, we get this nice little glimpse at his past distaste for humanity. It leaves you with questions about history, ones that don’t need to be answered, but you want to be, which are always the best questions because consulting them in your mind engrosses you even more in the world.

And good god is everything about the last episode just fucking perfect.

This is a really hard one. If that’s something you’re going through, I’m sorry. It isn’t easy. I am someone who has never been broken up with, I am the break up-er. Not that that’s something to brag about, which I’m not, I just want folks to know the position I’ve been in.

I’ll say this, and please hear me out on this. Assuming things didn’t end with cheating or murder or physical/emotional abuse, assuming it was a thing where it was distance, fighting, anger or animosity, or just things not working out, remember this: empathy. Whether you’re the break up-er or the break up-ee, I think it’s really important to remember that the other person is a human being, and what’s more, they’re going to handle this in their own way. Intimate companionship is really hard to manage and it’s not a one way street. If both folks aren’t on the same page, it’s just not going to work out. This doesn’t mean you need to pocket blame, or hate the other person, or look for reasons why things aren’t working or didn’t work out. In my history, the moment you’re really questioning whether things are worth continuing means you at the very least need to have that conversation with your partner.

They’re human and you need to respect that. I don’t think either person should lob insults or take enjoyment out of a breakup. Again, we’re excluding the worst case scenarios here.

I think you should take a deep hard look at yourself, at your feelings, and genuinely ask yourself: do I still want to be friends with this person? I know for me the answer has always been no. I need that distance because being close to them would either fill me with guilt or pain, or just a general concern that the other is in pain any time they’re around me. That’s what’s worked for me, but if you or the other make that decision, I really believe you need to respect it.

To kind of top it off here, I think a lot of distance can do a lot of good. Stop checking their social media, unfollow/unfriend/or even block them if you need to. Get them out of your view and focus one what you need to do to get yourself in a stable and happy place again. You both need to do this, you both need to figure out how to make yourselves happy without the other again, and that’s not easy, but that’s the best advice I can give.

I know that’s pretty contrary to a lot of modern advice of be friends, be cool, be amicable, but I just don’t think that shit happens really. I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it myself, but it’s very hard, and it’s very rare, so don’t be afraid of opting for the easier choice. Do what’s best for you. Take care of yourself.

Haha, well this is hopefully my last trip for a hot minute. I don’t know. I don’t want to make any promises. This most recent trip to see a friend was special because I had never actually seen them before, so it was really important for me to meet them and spend time there. The next one? I really don’t know. I think I need to spend some time figuring some of my own shit out now. I have a lot on my mind lately and a lot of things I want to start and get done.

Oh, and very little money.

Ahh this is a really hard question.

I like the standards and the fast food burgers. I could go for any. But the best burger, that’s tough.

I’ll say this, I take my burger a very specific way. One, it always has to be a cheeseburger. If it’s not a cheeseburger you can just leave thank you. I always take my burger with Lettuce, Mayonnaise, and Ketchup. I know, it’s a weird combo, but it’s the best. I got it from my older brother Brady, though his included a tomato, which I just don’t fuck with, so that is my perfect burger wherever I go. I sometimes throw grilled onions on there if it’s an option too.

I don’t know if it’s my all time favorite, but there is this eastern chain near me called Cheeburger Cheeburger, and their 1/3 pound burger with my chosen toppings on it was really good. Their bread was always super flakey, and they were real-ass thick burgers too.

As a general style of burger that I love, you can’t go wrong with a good patty melt. My go-to usually if I’m at a new diner.

So my friend told me to listen to this song and now that I have, I see why. I know a bit of the story behind it and it is very... powerful. I mean, it’s hard to imagine the girl that did Tik-Tok is doing this song years later, but I think it really is reflective of her and her soul and her pain.

I thought it was really beautiful. I thought it was very poignant.

This is a tricky one. I’ll say I have two. I really love the triggers nowadays. Obviously the Switch does not have analogue triggers, which is unfortunate, but I get it what with it being a handheld console as well. But man do those Xbox one and PS4 triggers feel reeeeeal good. If i had to pick a specific one, it’d be the right trigger, because it usually does the shooty-bang-bang in the video games.

Outside of that, you can’t go wrong with the bottom face button. Usually jump, or hit, or fuck-up, as I like to call it. That’s A, or B, or X, depending on which controller you have, and it’s a rad button. Don’t futz with it.

Having been in Austin all weekend I have not gotten the chance to see Spider-Man Homecoming, but after hearing the words on it, it has skyrocketed up my must-see list. I may even go to see it tomorrow morning before I go to work. Goddamn do I want to see it. I did see Clue this weekend though! That’s a great movie!

But really, Peter Parker is like, my legit hero. I loved him as a kid. He is for sure my favorite Marvel hero, and probably my second or third favorite superhero in general, behind Superman and Batman, depending on the day. I wanted to be a photographer when I was younger, before I wanted to be a doctor and then enthusiast press, so when I found out that Peter Parker was a photographer too, I thought it was even more rad.

Did you know that the Polar Bear is the largest land carnivore? Or land predator, one of the two. When they stand on their hind legs, Polar bears can measure over 12 feet tall.

Polar Bears are fucking. Awesome.

The vacation was incredibly helpful. Being around someone who has been helping me get through such a troubling time in my life and also just sleeping in and relaxing was so, so helpful.

Of the Clue characters, it’s so goddamn hard to choose. I almost want to say Mrs White because of her absurd monologue in the last ending alone. I don’t know if I’ve laughed that hard like… ever. Good fucking god. Like holy shit.

I also just love Mr. Green because of every absurd physical thing he does in that movie, and Tim Curry is incredible. Just incredible. They’re all great, but those are the three standouts for me, I’d say, with maybe Mrs. White taking it.

Trevor is the villain in Clue. Though I see him as more of a Mr. Body character, who is playing everyone behind the scenes. He is the villain because he loves his power too much.

Jesus Christ Roger. I can only wonder what the people who don’t know you but only see your tweets in Sunday Chats must think you’re like.

I have never seen Grown Ups 2, nor do I think I ever want to. It’s an infamously bad movie, from what I understand. I mean, there is a podcast about watching it every week for an entire year that is literally called “The Worst Idea of All Time”. Also I take great offense to being compared to David Spade and I’m not 100% sure why.

I can’t speak to Star Ocean 3, but I loooove replaying old favorites. You can see from what i have on tap this week that I’m going and playing Tomba 1 and 2 as is. Those are two very old games, and while a little rough around the edges and certainly not perfect, they hold up for me quite a bit.

I think there is definitely a level of nostalgia that can get you through certain things. Like, when I went back and played Tales of Symphonia again within the last few years, it’s a lot less dynamic and fun than I remember it being. The voice acting is also a whole lot worse than I remember it being too, but I still really love that game. I still finished it and played it through to the end. I am someone who regularly goes back and replays games, and just like gaining something from a movie on a second viewing or reading a book through again, you’re almost guaranteed to get something new out of it. If you’re open to the idea of something maybe not holding up as well as you remember it doing, than I say go for it. Just don’t let that be all your time like it has been for me recently.

I think it totally is. Especially if you have an emissary of that nostalgia to boot. For example, I think Tim Gettys really reps the Crash games as far as nostalgia and looking-back-love is concerned.

I think knowing where you’re at with something is also super big though. Like, are you into 3D/2D platformers, or more importantly, platformers from that PS1 era? Because Crash Bandicoot sure as shit is one of those. I went back and played the first Crash again recently and I know it’s not a super great game. I just know that in my heart of hearts. But I also remember really liking Crash 2 and 3, especially 3, and I want to go back and see those two very much. I have yet to get back into the N-Sane trilogy, but I’m excited to, and I think I’ll get a good amount out of those later two games. Just set yourself up with the right expectation and know that if you’re trying to specifically “buy into someone else’s nostalgia” that you need to see those games through the same scope that they did.

This is a mean question. I mean honestly, if I could hangout with you every week you know I would.

Okay real answer time. It’s probably that fucking Mrs. White monologue. You hyped it up to me while we were watching it but good fucking lord. I cannot overemphasize this: it was solid gold.

Also, I want it to be known that Jazz was fucking saying the words along with the movie as we watched it, and multiple times I had to stare at her until she stopped and then apologized. She has seen that movie waaaaay too many times.

Spelunky and Overwatch. Both are incredibly well made and I’ve been revisiting both time and time again, with months of distance between play sessions, and they have not let me down.

Okay, well I’m not about to sit here and make some declarative statement like that. I think for me, yes, it is my favorite Zelda game. It even beats out A Link to the Past, and if you want to know specifically where I’m at with it, you can read my review here: http://irrationalpassions.com/review/the-legend-of-zelda-breath-of-the-wild/

I think to deny the ingenuity, courage, and grace by which Breath of the Wild is executed would be incredibly inept of any video game player out there. I understand that a lot more folks than I have issues with it, many of them being hosts on my very own podcast. I get it. I get that the story isn’t 100% there for them. It really was for me. I get that the gemaplay doesn’t seem as new and original to them. It was for me. I think Zelda refines and executes on ideas barely even approached in other video games, and it does it with grace, style, and little to no issue. Especially in a post-performance-patch world, it is something incredible.

I think there is an argument there. I don’t know if I am even the one to make it though.

At least... not yet.

The Checklist

It’s all about MBMBaM for me this week. If you’re not familiar, My Brother, My Brother and Me is one of my all time favorite podcasts. In fact, it’s my favorite non-video game podcast. I love and adore it, and I think you should go listen to it. When I’ve been depressed recently, I’ve just been re listening to old episodes of MBMBaM and it’s made me very goddamn happy.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/my-brother-my-brother-and-me/id367330921?mt=2

I also started watching Polygon’s Monster Factory this week, and hoooooly shit is it funny. In this series, McElroy brothers and Polygon staff Justin and Griffin McElroy make horrific creatures in video game create-a-characters and go ham with them. I’ll provide my favorite episode so far (not that far into the series), which is probably the disaster that Fallout 3 became pretty much immediately.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHBzVTCO3nM

I sat and listened to Nick Scarpino do a couple of great one-on-one GameOverGreggy Shows this weekend in my downtime, and I can’t pick between the two, so I am just linking both.

Overcoming Anxiety - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taPC2fOx5BY

Brian Altano - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QD8W-kpK3ew

Okay. I’m done. I’m writing this at home, finishing everything up, formatting, and then posting. I know it’s posting super late, and I’m sorry about that.

I have a melancholy weight with me now. It’s time to start looking ahead and I really don’t know what’s ahead for now. Both exciting, but right now, I find myself more anxious than excited. It’s a somber note to end Sunday Chats with, but it’s an honest one.

But hey, thanks for reading, and do me a favor, eh?

Keep it real.

[hideandseaking]

What do you think are the easiest and hardest Pokemon generations to nuzlocke?

From easiest to hardest, in my personal experience:

Gen 6Gen 2Gen 1Gen 7Gen 3Gen 5Gen 4

Now I’ve put 7 in the middle because I haven’t fully done a SM Nuzlocke yet, but I am in the beginning of a wondertradelocke for Sun so ask me in June for a new list at that point ahaha

I’ll put some reasoning for each choice in a read more if you’re interested on the placements and why I put them where (:

Gen 6 (XY and ORAS):

Definitely the easiest in my personal opinion. I’ve done 3 different XY lockes (Wondertradelocke, Alphabet Wonderlocke, and a Tradelocke) and I’ve procured the least amount of deaths from the Wondertradelocke. I believe only 3 Pokemon died. The Alphabet Wonderlocke was harder because I was forced to use alphabetical order, which forces a lot more out of you. But by the time I went to the E4 with a team of 6, I have two level 100 pokemon from grinding up potential new teammates. It’s cute when Diantha mega evolves her Gardevior and you one-shot it with your Armaldo’s X-Scissor. The Tradelocke with Dan was the hardest of the 3 but that’s partially because he’s a jerk who gives me underleveled pokemon constantly fdasjfkld The EXP share is very enabling during it, so to make it harder I would suggest turning it off right at the beginning.

As for ORAS, I’m currently at the E4 with Dan in a Tradelocke of that. I’ve only lost like... 6 Pokemon, I think? I don’t have my 3DS on my atm. But even with the EXP share turned off starting after the 5th gym, it’s been painfully easy. Definitely a good game to start with if you’ve never Nuzlocked before, but for a seasoned veteran this isn’t fun to play as a nuzlocke

Gen 2 (GSC):

I’ve part-way Nuzlocked Crystal up to Chuck, and I’m almost complete with a Vietnamese Crystal Nuzlocke (almost ready for the E4 actually), and the death counts are consistently low in these games. I’ve only lost once in a Viet. Cry. Nuzlocke to Falkner due to really bad luck but other than that I’ve always prevailed. I’d say they’re the easiest if the EXP share wasn’t how it is in Gen 6. I always lose a Geodude to Whitney and then have a barren land of deaths until around Blackthorn. If everything goes smoothly in the Viet. Crys. Nuzlocke, then I’ll come out with 3 deaths?? I’ve also done a 3-way GSC Nuzlocke Stream where I was on Gold, and we made it to Jasmine without any trouble at all really. None of us had more than 2 deaths. They’re very easy games the Nuzlocke. Another good beginner set for anyone.

Gen 1 (RBY):

If you can’t tell already, I like to play hacks and ROMs instead of the real games, and alternate versions of Nuzlocking instead of traditional. My experience with RBY has been a Crazy Randomizer Version of Red and a partial tradelocke turned Nuzlocke with Blue. With the Crazy Randomizer, it took me 28 tries to not die before Brock, but after the 28thh reset it was smooth sailing and I made it to the E4 before my laptop threw away the file. I had a Moltres named Lucifer and everything RIP. But that isn’t to say that these games weren’t hard. There are a lot of deaths peppered in these games, as they’re unfair and the coding came from another dimension. When I was tradelocking with my brother, he died twice to which we had to restart. In both games I’ve been reduced to a party of 2 and nothing more. They’re a good standard of tough but not unholy unfair. A little boring to play at the beginning if you’ve seen it before, but honestly still fun.

Gen 7 (SM):

Now, like I’ve said, I’m only doing a Sun Wondertradelocke atm (though I have bidders for a Tradelocke... and a 4-way Tradelocke....) and thus it’s going in the middle. I’ve only gotten up to Hala? I’ve lost a few Pokemon already, and I know these games are going to be a little more tough than XY at least. ...If you turn off the Exp share. Idk yet tho. Nothing is too certain here until I complete that tradelocke. Like I said, come back to me in June when I’ve probably gotten a lot farther and can gauge the games more then.

Gen 3 (RSE and FRLG):

I’ve played these games so much just kill me. Ruby is my Nuzlocke for my comic, and I’ve made it clear before that the death count came out low for it. It’s a pretty easy game in all honesty. I’ve done an Omega Emerald nuzlocke where I quit before Petalburg. And I’ve done an Emerald 365 Nuzlocke where I died in that too. Maybe if I tried Emerald I would see harder results, but once you know how to play the game, Ruby is easy. I’d recommend trying Emerald for more toughness but I wouldn’t expect much from these games.

That being said, FRLG is a lot harder. Leaf Green was the first Nuzlocke that I ever completed and I almost filled a whole box. It sucks evolving your Eevee into a Jolteon to have it taken from you right away. Or having your Primape that’s 8 levels above an Ivysaur get demolished in one Vine Whip. It’s tough. Like??? Really tough?? I’d have to pick up one again to see if it was just my beginner aspects that made it tough or if it was the game itself, but that box count doesn’t lie. This is why Gen 3 is up higher in my opinion, because this game hurt a lot lmao

Gen 5 (BW and B2W2):

Pain and suffering! Pain and suffering!! I’ve completed a White Nuzlocke and only a White Nuzlocke out of these games. I filled a box. I was down to a team of 3 after the 5th badge and it didn’t fully replenish until after the 7th badge gym. I’d evolve something and it would get brutally murdered 30 minutes later. I’ve seen a Bisharp 15 levels under my Archeops take it down from full HP to 0 in one hit. This game is brutal. It’s terrifying. I fear the day I’m bored enough with the others to go and try these again.

I have a White 2 Nuzlocke somewhere but I’m afraid of this game too. I haven’t picked it up recently because my team got down to 1. I was relying on a Delcatty in Burgh’s battle. I’m at the 5th badge gym in it currently and I’m pretty sure I have a team of 5 in it. It’s scary and I’m afraid of going back to that game too. This is a super tough generation as a whole, but it’s so rewarding to beat one.

Gen 4 (DPPt and HGSS):

Y’all I haven’t even gotten close in a DPPt game. I die before the 4th gym every time. I don’t even know what it’s like to battle Wake in these games. Everything seems moderate and then you get to Solaceon town and you’re left for dead. Things kill you. You die. Not to mention, who tf wants to put up with the game speed in DP?? At least try Platinum for comfort but that’s just even harder. If I ever manage to beat one of these games, I’ll tell you. But honestly respect to anyone who has, because these are brutal games.

As for HGSS, I’ve beaten SS before and GOD it took me 2+ years. The experience climb is the most painful one I’ve ever had to deal with. These games test your patience and penchant for grinding. You can’t even get half the Pokemon you want until the game is over. I believe I filled a good portion of my box in these games too, but the fact of the grinding climb being so slight in the games is just sad and hurtful. Also seeing your Pokemon walk behind you and then they die can be a little more heart-wrenching than the other games. These are fairly tough as well because of Whitney but overall the gameplay is fair enough. Just a lot of patience and stamina required for these games.

Anyway, that’s all I gotta say from my personal experience. I hope you enjoyed this and if you’ve had a different experience, feel free to share it lmao

[davewakeman]

Talking Tickets 20 March 2020--What A Week?

Hey! 

Where do we even start this week?

That was something, wasn’t it?

How are all of y’all holding up? You can always email me, call, or text me. I’m here. My cell is +1 917 705 6301. I also WhatsApp! Don’t feel like you are working through this complex time alone…we are all in this together.

I’ll probably spend more time here than I will with the stories this week, but I think that’s okay. Writing a newsletter about the business of entertainment and tickets in the week that the whole business shuts down isn’t a lot of fun. But I’m grateful for every one of you that allows me to come and visit with you each Friday.

Someone shared a tweet with me earlier in the week, mentioning that this is likely to be a defining moment in the way that your kids remember you. I posted a thread on the Twitter about this.

But to restate a few ideas here this morning:

1. It is tough for all of us right now. But don’t go through it alone. You have friends and colleagues, people need people. And, I know the tough part of this virus thing is the social distancing thing…but that’s important too. But if you need someone, call, text, email, but don’t go it alone.

2. As tough as things are right now and as dark as it seems, try to focus on the things you can control and the things that you can find positive out of this experience. It is tough to do, but take a moment to catch your breath and give yourself room to think. I’ve only ever screwed things up when I’ve run too quickly into the next thing out of panic. In the next week or so as I figure out what the timeline of this pandemic looks like and when we might possibly start to see economic activity come, I’ll start putting together some webinars, chats, and other ways that we can lean on each other to figure out what comes next.

3. Find something to distract yourself from all of the news. The constant barrage of cable news, Twitter, and other media will drive you nuts. I’m fortunate that we have a nice backyard and live on a street where there is basically not many folks around, so the boy and I have been doing soccer drills. I’ve also picked up my favorite book of all time, Underworld, again. Also, here are a couple of concert bootlegs for you to remind you how awesome live music is:

The National at the Sydney Opera House Pearl Jam at Fenway Park in 2018 Wilco’s 25th Anniversary Concert

You pick your own, but just find something to take you out of your own head for a moment.

BTW, I put together a Slack Channel for folks in tickets, sports, entertainment, and such to connect, chat, and just have a place for a little bit of community. Go in there, find the area that best fits you and connect.

I’m doing a little sports business happy hour Google Hangout today with my friend, Ken Troupe, at 430 PM EST. I did a happy hour for St Patrick’s Day at the last minute to test the format, it works and it is likely a good way to break the monotony of the day.

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1. What comes next? 

I really liked the above LinkedIn post because I had been struggling with what to say to my friends, colleagues, and clients.

I’m certain all of us have struggled with our thoughts, feelings, and direction this week.

But Alan’s post really helped me to clarify my thinking.

What is next?

I’m not 100% sure. People keep telling me, “live is going to roar back.”

But I’m not so sure. Someone pointed out to me that many markets never recovered after the 2008 financial crisis.

Live Nation lost 2/3 of its market value in a month. And, a lot of companies are having a hard time right now…okay, all companies. 

Michael Billington writes up a really good reminder of the power of the arts to help us make sense of the world we live in that I want to hold close to me and my thinking as we move forward over the next few weeks and months.

As often happens, I’ve turned to re-reading Peter Drucker. I’m working back through, Managing In A Time Of Great Change. 

What I love about Drucker is how he focuses on taking action in the present to create the future.

We are discussing the book in the Slack channel, but I’m curious to hear from all of y’all about where your heads are and what you are thinking about right now.

Another resource I came across, TicketManager put together a guide for their clients in troubled times that might be useful to some of y’all.

2. The entertainment business comes together: 

Around the industry, people are coming together to try and support their partners and the live entertainment industry.

QCue starts a collaboration initiative; Stay22 drops commissions; and, Spektrix offers a tool to convert refunds to donations.

INTIX has started a COVID 19 forum and more organizations are doing things.

Goldstar is turning on all of its promotional activities to help its partners.

If you or someone is doing something to support the industry, let me know and I will share it in Slack, in the newsletter, and on social media.

3. In the short term, leagues, teams, and owners are trying to do right by hourly and part-time workers: 

Marc Cuban led the way with his comments right after the NBA suspended the season. But we’ve seen a lot of teams, owners, players, and others jump in to support the season and part-time workers that make the gameday experience go for so many.

MLB commits $30M to ballpark employees and pays minor league players until April 8.

4. The NBA was better prepared than the federal government:

This story is wild! Especially when you combine it with all the great reporting coming out on Thursday about the Senate ignoring warnings but telling their donors and selling stocks to protect themselves while poo-pooing the danger to the American people. And, as I was finishing this, here’s a thread with links to all of the Congress critters sales of stocks after the January meeting where the issues at play with the virus were laid out.

I mean, I’ve been one of the most widely read project management writers in the world for about 8 years now and I know that one of the biggest things you can do is have a risk plan in place. So to see the NBA’s risk plan is amazing.

I do think we all need to think about putting risk plans in place for the future.

5. There are a few bright spots: 

South Korea’s basketball league is making the first moves towards restarting.

Marble racing is totally a thing!

The CoronaChoir made the news. I’m a fan of alliterations.

Chelsea offers up Stamford Bridge for NHS use and Ronaldo offers up his hotels and pays medical staff.

And, if you don’t mind the time difference, you can get your fix of AFL and NRL games. (Go Dees!)

I’m excited to watch some footie, but just the site of all these examples of folks contributing, moving forward, or innovating…it helps let us know that things will get better.

I hope I’ve struck as much balance as possible this week. It wasn’t easy to write this one.

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What am I up to this week?

I’m taking care of the boy and supporting my lady as we try to figure out how to deal with social distancing and the measures that are being put in place to help slow the progress of the coronavirus.

I will get back to writing and podcasting next week. Let me know if you have any guests or topics you want to learn about. Keep an eye on DaveWakeman.com and I’ll keep adding stuff there as I can as well.  

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Talking Tickets 20 March 2020–What A Week? was originally published on Wakeman Consulting Group