#idk. this is worded...poorly. i am starting this reread at the beginning after all

[readymades2002]

also like that ran is like "there's no punchline it just stopped". ran is like...hm. compared to utsu's complusion to narrativize everything, ran is almost always there to deny catharsis. i'm thinking of the last meeting briefly mentioned in the more recent dilmun chapters and of ran going "whatever makes you happy" and su (dont know why ive been calling her utsu) feeling like she's just been slapped. su wants her life to be a story and through a series of weird and lucky(?) incidents she has certainly become a main character, but the emotional catharsis she's looking for to make it all tie together and make sense and to kind of punish herself for it tends to elude her. especially when it comes to ran. i think its an interesting narrative role for ran to play, to refuse the melodrama and to refuse to satisfy anyone else's urge for it

[ao3gingerswag]

HI HELLO I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS

okay so I've been like thinking these things for weeks but I've been very unmotivated so I'm saying them all now!! so prepare for multiple asks!! or something!!

okay so I've just been rereading my all time fave fics and there was this one like in one of them- 'I’m not *stupid*, I just can’t read' and it immediately made me think of your writing, like kyis, first of all (and actually more on that bc obviously I've been rereading that too as one of the Best Fics Ever™ and holy SHIT it's so good. I cannot believe no one has made a podfic for it yet, bc wow especially after listening to the extract that was read out at the beginning of the podcast episode I NEED someone to read this shit to me so I can savour every bloody word bc dammit I'm a skim reader and its TOO GOOD for me to be skimming the fucking words!!!!! anyways needed to get that of my chest back to the regularly scheduled programming) but then also with wander home, I feel like with sam being able to read its definitely gonna be cashing some form of angst for the other boys, dean I think similar to in kyis but also with all his bucket load of self worth issues it's like makes sense uno. but also with cas, I feel like cas thinks of himself as not that intelligent at all. we know he thinks quite poorly of himself due to his autism, and I feel like he would consider himself not actually smart but rather just weird, especially with him being uneducated and I think his struggles with running the inn, especially before dean and sam would rly effect his opinion of himself and lead to some self-hate. so anyways, then I feel like when sam enters the picture and interacts with cas (once everything has settled down and they start interacting NOT in a life-or-death situation) I feel like he'll add an outsider perspective and realise that actually yeah cas *is* actually rly smart. like, he'll be talking with cas about something - like uno spewing all his knowledge like the little nerd he is - and cas will be following along but as soon sam tries to engage him cas will be like 'I'm sorry Sam, I'm not smart enough to know that' and sam is like grhhh yes you are!! and then he tries to push it bc hes Sam and is like 'but u were just telling me and *insert something cas knows, like about nature or the like* yesterday! and you knew loads!' and cas dismisses it bc that's a result of him being abnormal not being smart and then there's a whole little journey of sam trying to convince cas he's actually smart with many trials and tribulations but eventually it ends up with them having their lil debates/Intellectual Conversations about whatever Sam has recently learned with his lessons and it's all :)) (bonus scene is dean observing them and when they try to involve him he's like 'yeah no not gonna happen, idc if u say I'm not dumb sam, not all of us can be Aquinas okay?')

I justify the aquinas reference bc I had to know him for a subject and now I've gotten my exams back and I somehow haven't flopped them!! which means I never have to do that subject again and I feel the need to at least somewhat reference the worthless knowledge in my brain :')

ok first of all what is the fic ur referring to drop the fic!! (even if its not destiel ill read anything lol!)

also thank u so much ;~; <3 idk no one has ever offered to make a podfic and i am terrible at reading out loud so i def cannot but if anyone ever offered i would totally be down for that!

i think ur so right, i think cas def does not think of himself as smart at all, when he actually is!! and i think he's a giant nerd as well who would def find a lot of the stuff sam rambles about to be very interesting. hes not a Certified Genius like sam and doesnt have the same Desperate Thirst For Knowledge but he also genuinely finds this stuff interesting!!! i think they bond so well over nerd stuff!! but yes!! sammy following him around once he trusts him more bc dean will indulge him but he can tell hes bored to tears by sam talking about like geometry and its just going in one ear and out the other. hes like hmm wow thats interesting sam. yeah that is so cool ur right. but hes like falling asleep. so he starts talking to cas...maybe it starts bc cas overhears him talking to dean and is like ! wow really? and asks like an actual question. and sam is like YES finally and rambles his heart out and cas is actually listening and engaged and sam is like ok i like u now actually ur my friend. and starts talking to him about all the intellectual stuff. and yes him over time convincing sam that his intelligence isnt just a Symptom of Being Weird or even if it is who cares hes still smart???

and do u mean Thomas Aquinas? i have never read anything by him!! congrats on surviving ur exams tho!!!!!