#idk. I typed out and deleted a bunch of stuff but. idk

[lamortwrites]

😐

[butch-bakugo]

Why are vetted accounts sending people stuff like this.

I mean it's clearly copy-pasted and sent to multiple people but this isn't even a donations ask. Imma guess the reason people aren't responding is because you're accusing them of not doing enough for Palestine and sending it to multiple people who you clearly don't check because I've been posting about and for Palestine since oct 7th when I learned about it.

Also yes he is looking for donations, you can check his account and find it. Why are you sending this guilt trippy stuff to people and accusing them of not caring enough? You don't know me? You send these to multiple people so your clearly not checking the account in question. This dose nothing to help you personally or the Palestinian cause, it just pisses people off and makes them question vetters.

[lunaviee]

ushijima headcanons bc bro needs more appreciation 🤗🤗💗💗💗💗 (and bc im rewatching haikyuu and im actually going INSANE.)

i feel like he kinda gained a habit of reaching for your hand a lot. idk why but he’ll stare at it for a minute and then just grab it wordlessly

1000% the kind of guy to get you “just because” flowers. i think he’ll see them at a local market and then make it his life’s mission to make you a pretty bouquet

he’s actually really good at cooking. he enjoys it, especially when he sees the glow in your eyes when you try his food

enjoys taking the scenic route when you guys take a drive somewhere. not only does he find the landscape beautiful, but it gives him more time to talk or even just be in your presence

speaking of driving, he definitely does that move where he puts his hand on your headrest when he’s backing out🤗🙏

i feel like he can read you really well. like if you’re uncomfortable somewhere or maybe just not feeling well, he tries to get you out of that situation

actually kinda going back to the hand thing, he rlly likes your touch. it’s so warm against his skin and he feels so at ease with you around

i feel like he’s very academically smart, his grades are impeccable and he’s always helping you in your classes. but social/street smarts? yeah umm not so much. it takes a little while to adjust at the beginning of your relationship but you soon find how well of a match you are for each other

back to the “reads you well” part, he also remembers everything about you. your order at your local coffee shop, why you don’t like certain foods, and will never forget a special date

he also likes spending money on you, insisting you buy that new shade of lip tint even if it looks just like the one at home, because with him around, you shouldn’t have to worry about a single penny

this one’s kinda silly but i just KNOW he’s the type of mf to bring in all the groceries in one trip

always sends you “good morning” and “goodnight” texts. but since it’s ushijima, it’s kinda like “goodnight, sleep well❤️” a little basic but trust me, he’s much better at showing his love in person

speaking of, his love language is definitely acts of service and probably quality time. whatever he can do to make your day a little better, he’ll do it

he takes such good candid pictures of you it’s actually insane. you genuinely don’t know how he even takes these without you noticing but somehow they’re always amazing

also, he doesn’t like deleting pictures of you. something about it doesn’t feel right to him so he’ll have a handful of pics that have your face all blurry or cropped out, but it’s still you so why should he delete it??

pls i just know his embrace is so secure and warm….. like you’ll ask for a hug and even if he doesn’t always understand how of why his physical touch makes you feel so special but he never declines

i know this is cliche, but he’s obviously strong af so picking you up is no problem and he’ll often do it if you get tired of walking. he also insists you sit on his back while he does pushups. his words not mine🤞🤞

cat lover. like one day you two went to a pet store to buy some treats for moms dog and he makes eye contact with a gray cat.

you guys forgot about the treats and ended up buying a bunch of cat stuff

✮ — haikyuu might bring back my motivation to write….

[redishflavor]

if you saw the other one no you didn't

someone's John dory ask got eaten and I can't find my previous draft on it 😔

A/N -> I'll be starting school soon again so I won't be able to write as many fanfics as right now, but still send it requests! I just won't be able to publish them as fast as before 😅

but anyways (this is way longer than my last one damn)

John dory x reader headcanons

okay let's get one thing straight

this man has been in the wild for over idk how many years

he probably is secretly touch starved

and he's probably really bad at flirting

let's say this is after the events of TBT, so he's back in society again (probably)

hes bumped into you a few times and during those few times it was just some small talk here and there

but then when he bumped into you again he decided to flirt

with a terrible pick up line

after he said that he gave a look that was like "Yep, still got it"

he does not got it

you just looked at him, looked away and snorted

he thinks it's working

it might be

without him asking, you gave him your number on a peice of paper

there was a small not under the number (yall choose idk what to put) with a small heart at the end

(ur stinky but funny ❤️) (I sorry I had to😭😭)

he didn't read the note, he js put it on his wall in a frame

he was the first to text you

just a simple "Hi this is John dory"

and you know how some people type something but not send it?

he did that

"PLEASE PLEASE DATE ME 🙏🙏" then he deleted it to respond 'normally' to your text

after a few weeks of talking to each other you were the first to ask if he wanted to go on a date

he probably has never responded so fast to someone on his life

I js had to add this but he probably lost his other glove bc Rhonda ate it

anyways back on track

the first date you two went on was at a small Cafe (idk I panicked😭)

you two talked about a hunch of stuff but then settled on the topic of bands

one of your favorite band was BroZone

his eyes visibly lit up at the word BroZone

asks a bunch on questions like "who's your favorite band member" or "what's you favorite song"

takes his SWEET TIME telling you he's THE John Dory from BroZone

so many questions from both him and you

but after that date he offers to walk you home

and that's also how he got your address

a few more dates later he's the one to make the first move

a small text saying to meet him up at the Cafe they had their first date in

hes already there looking a bit flustered

after you two sit down he asks if you want to date

and that's how yall start dating (I am so sleepy rn guys)

every now and then he would send small gifts to you like flowers, candies, anything that reminds him of you at almost any store he goes to

he likes compliments, both giving and receiving them

when he's spending the day at your place he likes to cuddle with you

or hold you in any way

hug, hand holding, any touch basically

LOVES when you kiss him

like pepper him with kisses and he's melting

grab a bucket and mop he's gone

when he first introduced you to his brothers they had many questions

when Poppy met you (probably through Branch)

you two both bonded over dating a member of brozone

as you and Poppy were fangirling over them JD just looked at you lovingly

like he almost forgot his brothers were there

he loves you too much

he also gets you free tickets and backstage passes to every single one of BroZone's concerts

you've never missed a single concert

and you have way to much merch (mostly JD's merch) (and it's signed with his signature)

I think I might end it here bc I'm running out of ideas and any longer to post this would end up taking longer to post because school starts in like 2 says for me 😭😭 anyways I hope this was good for whoever asked this and again so sorry I lost your ask! I hope you have a great day/night!!

[dashielldeveron]

Hi Dash! I hope you're doing well. I'm writing this ask literally 1 hour before I need to leave for one of my sem finals (which I'll be fine at hopefully, since I studied). But while I was anxiously awaiting purgatory, I read one of my favourite of your works again - Monoma's route in Soulmate Trope. Istg I am not exaggerating, no writing has made me laugh harder than that single scene where he just... wordlessly pulled down his pants. I laughed so hard that my roommate had to come check on me. And the word "cum gutter" had dealt irreversible psychic damage to my brain. Sometimes while doing some mundane stuff, I think back about that scene, or countless other scenes from the book and had to remind myself I'm in public. I've only watched MHA up till season 3 and a bit into 4 but I was kinda already spoiled about the ending, so I'm so in love with the world you build there. I've always kinda wanted to try writing my own work because I sometimes have a budding idea that had me go, 'oh I think that'd make an interesting story', but then I realised I suck at writing. Writing just 1000 words took me an hour or more, I don't know how you wrote 60k words for 1 chapter!! That's absolutely insane. Also also, because your writing is so hilarious, when you get emotional, it hits so hard. "and i've gotta crow" is absolutely one of my all time favourite fan work, though idk what the title means. My writing, just after the first few paragraphs, feels like sandpaper to read. But your work really inspired me to want to at least try, even if I don't post anything. Especially after my finals, I'm going to try shitting this one idea out of my head in the summer (oh I'm in Australia so my summer is almost here). So yeah thank you for making me laughed so hard and also fingerbanged my heart. If you have nothing better to do, would you mind sharing your general writing process with me? As in, is there a forbidden jutsu move that amazing authors use when writing? For me, I feel like I'm typing and deleting and retyping until it forms a coherent sentence, but after putting them together it's dryer than my chicken breast that I forgot for 30 minutes in the oven. If not it's okay too, I hope you have a wonderful day!

yes.......YES.........let the monoma adoration flow through you!!!! we need more people in our monoma coterie!!! it's now you, me, 📌 anon, and like, two other anons i believe???? we are officially a Club, i say!!!

writing discussion/advice/process under the cut

okay, who told you you suck at writing? and why do they think so??? odds are you don't. odds are, you're overthinking your own work too much. when i look at stuff i've written, i see the writing process in every sentence, and odds are, you might, too. seeing the process takes away parts of being able to immerse yourself in the writing. so, your stuff probably isn't bad; it's just that you know all about how it was made!!!

writing takes me a long time! mostly bc i have academic/work writing to do all the time, so writing fic as my breaks from work isn't always efficient and fun. and i'm pretty sure some people may get frustrated with me for taking so long to update, but that's just how my life is rn. it's ultimately perfectly fine if you take a long time, though, because this is a hobby. we're not getting paid for this. we're providing art for free.

anyway......my process.....hmm. well. step one is to be haunted by visions.

step one is actually to think about that first idea you have to spark the fic. doesn't matter if it's in the middle or end, or anything. and you want to consider what kind of people would get in this situation (helps define what kind of character reader will be) and what could possibly lead up to it. it's okay if it seems like a bunch of disjointed ideas at first.

i am a big outliner, but i always allow seredipity during the writing process. as in, if something starts happening that's cool that i didn't plan, i'm cool with it, so long as it makes sense for the characters.

so, if i start a fic, i will start with an outline that's just a list of things i want to happen in the fic. sometimes it's specific events, and sometimes, it's something like "and they get romantically closer here through some tragic accident." put those events in an order that makes sense for the emotional progression of your characters.

i also keep running lists of hot lines of dialogue that i come up with, sexy outfits to put people in, sexy gestures, domestic things that would ruin me, or other fic-specific lists--like for tenko's soulmate route, i kept a running list of weird facts that reader could bring up. not many ended up going in the fic, but still.

like, this is a screenshot of a working outline/list from aizawa's route:

not all of this happened!! and more scenes got way fleshed out!!! i plan for Large Events and Emotional Resonance, but i am open to strange directions that just happen while writing the scene itself, so long as i get to where i need to go eventually. like.....the only one bed stuff on the undercover mission never happened, because suddenly, the club scene got super detailed, and aizawa would probably be too exhausted to spend the proper time having the argument, let alone sex, with reader that night.

but basically, i always want to know where i'll end up, even if i don't know how i'm going to get there. because the process of the characters getting there is where fun, detailed, character work happens. bc if your characters are distinct enough, they'll drive the story more than whatever plot you have.

i'm not every writer ever (obviously), so i know that more thorough outlining or not planning at all works better for other people!!! maybe try experimenting with completely planning and completely pantsing some shorter stories to see what works better for you.

i don't have a daily routine for writing bc i am Busy All the Time, but i carry a notebook in my purse if i am struck with visions, and when i type on my computer, i usually turn on an ambient mix from ambient.mix.com to block out other stuff. usually, i can find an ambience to fit the mood of the scene i'm writing, too lol, which doesn't necessary help but makes things more fun.

i honestly think i spend more time daydreaming about the story than writing it?? i am a big advocate for daydreaming. it's important that you spend time thinking about everything that could go wrong, bc it often makes for a better story if it's fucked up, somehow. idk it may also be bc of work that i'm away from a computer so often. i like writing in the notebook by hand bc it's less pressure to make it "good," and so i can edit as i type it in a word doc later.

and editing is, of course a huge part of the writing process!!! i would say it'd be weirder to write a sentence just right the first time, as opposed to deleting and rephrasing repeatedly! you're doing just fine!

but i wouldn't say there's any secret besides doing it a lot!!!! i know i'm not a great writer, but i know i'm okay, and that's the result of working and practising it for about two decades now. i just have practise, read a lot, and spend a lot of time, academically, discussing written stories.

so!!! if you're feeling like your stuff isn't as good as you want it to be, you just need to start allowing yourself to suck!!! nothing is perfect the first time!!! and eventually, you can edit your sucky stuff into stuff that's compelling.

good luck with your semi finals and finals!!! and thaaaaaank you for 1) valuing my advice as an artist (gosh!!!!!) and for 2) saying such nice things about the silly little stories i write!!!! it means a lot to me!!! you're so kind!!!!! i hope any of this helped at all!!!! and i hope your day is peaceful!!!! xx.

[gorgugplushie]

BAD KIDS GAMING HCS

Nobody asked but i cant stop thinking abt it so

Fabian - canonically doesn't know what mobile games are, much less actual videogames. He sort of sees them as pointless (why do quests and adventures in a videogame when he could just do them in real life?) Of course the bad kids pull him into their gaming sessions, though he spends most of them asking what the controls are again and raising an eyebrow at their shenanigans. Ragh sits him down and makes him play some sport based video games which he does enjoy, he can get really into it if you give him time (he yells so so loud) he also gets into ddr style games bc he likes beating the other bdkds at them. Videogames are a good excuse to hang but he'd rather go out and play football irl.

Kristen - coming from a heavily sheltered and what i assume monitored family, kristen probablyyy isnt all that into videogames. At most i think she'd have some mobile games like idk candy crush on her phone, like fabian she'd get confused and spend her in game time running around and just watching the others play, she goes along w the others shenanigans v easily tho and loves doing silly bits while playing.

Riz - Riz is the type to play window games on their families shared computer for hours on end. Stuff like sudoku, pinballs, or solitaire. He'd love those games like the nancy drew mystery ones, or those games where you find items like I Spy. The only downside is he gets unhealthily fixated and will spend 3 days getting to lvl 100+ on Tetris if you let him, obsessed w 100% games and making funny number go up. Surprisingly good at rhythm games.

Adaine - into open world games, like fallout or outerwilds. Will spend days writing and churning out backstory and lore for her in game character. Veryyy picky and wants every decision to be true to their newest ocs backstory, will spend a solid hour on the character creation screen. She also loves more violent shooting games, although playing online with strangers gives her anxiety and she cannn get gamer rage, she'll get fixated on getting stuff like headshots and Winning and Being a good teammate that she'll start shaking and have to step away from playing for a bit. Single player fighting games w blood where she can turn her brain off and just fight are more cathartic for her. I feel like she ends up doing insane shit in them like saw and hack off limbs and go full dark story mode route and then regret it so so much and lie awake at night not sleeping bc of it and delete the save file. Its her dark secret shell take to the grave.

Fig - plays a large range of games, mainly more colorful and silly goofy ones she can play with the badkids. Shes sort of a little nuisance in games tho, she will troll and grief a lil bc she finds it funny. In singleplayer games she does love being a huge stinker and do silly stuff like pickpocket and get caught or accidentally set a bomb off in the middle of a cutscene or glitch her character to a-pose, she does a bunch of shit and laughs and doesn't take it seriously at all. Like adaine she also gets gamer rage. she gets them both banded from online for a month bc they team up to cast a spell on someone thru the screen. LOVESS shit like guitar hero and skater games sooo much, also into those wwe type games. Cant stomach horror at all but will make the rest of the kids sit down and play horror games w her so they can laugh and scream together.

Gorgug - he tends to like more older games, say in the style of star fox/loz and stuff. His parents gave him and older gaming system when he was younger n he still has it around and collects games for it, its seeing a lot more use than it originally did bc now he has friends to play with. The type of guy to still carry their ds around. I feel like hed also modify and rom hack stuff for his friends. He likes going to the arcade in person and playing there than sitting in front of a computer.

Ayda - yes im including her shes a gamer girl in my heart. I feel like she loves life sims/complex puzzle games, stuff like slime rancher, portal, animal crossing. She has 1000+ hours into a single sims save file. She spends hours and hours building and working on the most elaborate farming system for whatever new sim shes getting invested in. She especially loves organizing in games, she gets a bit antsy playing more survival based games with the bad kids because they leave their systems so unorganized (shes def the type to redo the entire base from top to bottom in dont starve while the rest die off screen). neat and orderly decoration is soo fun for her and the bad kids try not to step on her turf too much. refuses to play multiplayer if it's with anyone else but the badkids, but if anyone would start a gaming channel its her. will do obscenely gay cutesy stuff w fig n game. They build their own little base and junk and pretend to hosts weddings n stuff. Shes also very into speed running and breaking games with glitches to figure out how they work.

[its-stimsca]

Hey there!! I think i want to start making stimboards, but i personally cannot make gifs for multiple reasons, unless you know a good phone app or if IBIS can make gifs !!

Do you have any suggestions and tips ?

Are there blogs that don't mind using their GIFs as long as credit is somewhere ? Or is that typically frowned upon anyway?

I wanna be respectful so i understand if this means i cannot make stimboards until I'm able to make gifs myself :3

Hi!! The way I personally make my gifs is through using ezgif, and I’m fairly sure a bunch of other stimboard makers use this website too because it’s very convenient and free. Just submit the video you want to gif (not the whole thing, just a trimmed section of what u wanna gif), and it’ll convert it to a gif for you. Make sure to credit the original video if you post a gif of it, though, as it’s really important to give credit to the source

As for reusing gifs other people have made, pretty much all of the time it’s going to be okay to use someone’s gif in a stimboard, as long as credit it’s given. In fact, most people in the stim community on tumblr make gifs with the intent of them being used in stimboards. Some really great blogs that make a lot of original gifs to be used in boards that I go to a lot are @/talos-stims, @/heartnosekid, @/helium-stims, @/aliens-stim-too. There are a lot of other good ones too, but there are a few just to get you started.

You don’t have to specifically search a blog to find gifs though. Using the main tumblr search function you can type what you’re looking for, just include the tag “stim” in your search, and a lot of stuff will come up. You can use gifs that someone else has used in a stimboard, too. Just try your best to follow their sources to the original creator, and link it directly to there instead of the stimboard you took it from. A lot of stimboard blogs get deleted, which can lead to your link to the board becoming defunct in the future and that credit being lost for people down the line trying to source a gif.

If you’re making a gif of an animation or using a piece of art someone has drawn, that’s when you want to directly ask someone for permission. Most artists don’t mind as long as credit is given, but it’s important to check. If it’s a big artist that you can’t send asks to or contact in some way, just make sure to tag them in the post of the stimboard, that way if they can see you’ve reposted their art somewhere, and they can reach out to you if they don’t want it there.

The most important thing when it comes to all this is just to source your gifs. Copy the links in the notes app on your phone, a google doc, I personally do it on a discord channel, it doesn’t matter, just make sure you have SOME kind of credit to the gifs in your stimboard linked below your post. Don’t stress too much about messing up the first couple of times though, you get better at it and you can always go back and fix stuff later.

Hopefully this helps and wasn’t too much of a ramble. I’ve been thinking about making a sort of guide on my process of making boards actually, but haven’t gotten around to it since idk if anyone would be interested. Anyways that’s all

[ame4me]

ok so uhm intro info thing , please do read

what is this blog now ?

a blog 4 me ! rambles , questions , opinions , little vents , ideas and all that other irrelevant brain usage results will b spilt on here 4 the world 2 see in this digital diary !!!!! also 4 doodles probably , , , i plan 2 make a sideblog 4 good-er art eventually

who exactly even am i ?

im ame ! i have a bunch of other names but ame is my main personal one (guess why /j) click here 4 bundlrs quick intro it/its + , german+afro-american , minor , hobbyist artist and story maker with a bunch of mental illnesses and disorders but we ball out here . i speak eng and ger ! im also learning jap

what should you know ?

#1 , about me ! (basically warnings and byi info)

first n proi most obvious thing ; i text w/ a little typing quirk !!!! , , , i think its pretty readable but if something is super confusing i can provide 'translations' 4 it im a minor , and while i do not mind suggestive stuff or nudity , str8 up porn blogs better keep out (pls) im mental + disabled in the head . wont get into it here but basically just b mindful of that and patient w/ me thankies i make jokes about (specifically MY) mental struggles (like suicidal ideation (kms/kys jokes) , self-harm jokes , discrimination refrences , ect) , but if theyre seriously offensive in any way that doesnt only affect me , dont b afraid 2 let me know so i can b a bit better in the future ! IM ONE OF THEM QUEERS AND MIXED POC !!! i use slurs !!!! not offensively ofc but i do sometimes make use of these extra words some of my interests r considered problematic in one way or another (i think ?) but i dont support any of the creators (duh) and if that sounds like a shitty excuse then idk what 2 tell u smh i dont plan 2 give money 2 any of those asshole people thatve created things my autistic brain eats up im also something of an irl-fictionkin thing ??? im ame 雨

#2 , about you ! (do's/dont's , dni whatevs)

PLEASE DO use tone tags !!!! mention my interest/s and talk 2 me abt it !!! ! or ask questions if ure unsure !!! or anything like that !!!!!! PLEASE DONT bring unnecessary negativity of any sort onto my blog !! dont b mean 2 me just bc u dont understand me , , , just dont b an asshole and ure good DNI = rosco/dorakii & arrow . any1 that purposefully hurts others in any way

where can you find me ?

internetta on bluesky , internetta on toyhouse , interneet on youtube , internetta on discord (but i dont accept random reqs so notify me first somewhere else !!) you can find me on other platforms aswell ! just ask :3

published on 23th nov , 2024 | edited 26th nov, tags added. edited 6th jan, cut added. edited 19th jan, deleted nonexisting alt acc link and updated other links. edited 16th mar, added tags

[morgsdrew]

tldr at the end i think this is pretty annoying to read idk its in red

normally i wouldn't send this kinda stuff but honestly the ever changing list of reasons you dislike/like having me interact is making it really hard to decide whether to send one of those character interaction things .

because if you're fine with me then it's good to send it because you want interactions and i like writing but if you don't like me then if i send it you'd just be irritated and i wouldn't be able to tell

because you obvs haven't confirmed or denied such things considering the list was made by my brain which i wrote down to try and rationalise

not trying to bring down your mood or anything just giving context for the question im about to ask

is it like weird or annoying or clingy if someone keeps like sending you stuff about morgan or just like interacting with you

i dont want to do that if it is you get what i mean

because it feels like you don't like me but at the same time it could be anxiety speaking and i don't want to like put assumptions on you

but at the same time i don't want to assume that you're fine with me and then have it turn out i've been annoying all this while

idk why i'm typing this because even if you did dislike me / my characters people don't usually just say that kinda stuff to people's faces

this is like the tenth? time i've revised this ask it should not be this long (very sorry for that /gen )

are there like interactions that annoy you so like i can avoid that i guess /genq

please like feel free to ignore this i mean something this long in your inbox is probably also pretty annoying i guess it just felt like i should clarify things but at the same time what if this makes me annoying

i should probably stop like revising this ask every time i do it i feel the need to clarify more like at first it really really formal but it felt too not genuine but if i send like this what if you can tell who i am and then think i'm making things up for pity points or something and what if you didn't dislike me but now you do because of this and its getting really long i am so sorry

TLDR: are there like any forms of interaction that annoy you like ,,. someone interacting with your blog too much or something because i'd like to avoid annoying you and a bunch of miscellaneous stuff that i don't dare to delete because what if you want the context to this question or something but

yeah please feel free to delete this or something i don't know i've been pondering over sending something like this for days who knows how long which may make me seem weird i don't know i just need to know if i should or shouldn't interact i guess ? sorry

i feel like this is like about some asks i haven’t replied to (or won’t reply to) so here are the reasons why i don’t

i have no clue how to reply (this is like … the major reason and the biggest reason)

some people have sent asks like their character & mine have interacted before… when they haven’t… so i dont reply to that bc… how will i when i dont know where their relationship stands ifykwim?

asks that just says “hi” or something along the lines of that .. IM SORRY I JUST ?? idk i don’t vibe w it bc i love interactions w flavour you know?

connected to number 1; i have no clue how to reply because i don’t get it (and maybe the reason why i don’t get it because the ask is like the one in number 2 or i’m just slow as fuck)

i guess that’s all ?? should’ve clarified that i’m more comfortable doing novella with people i know / morgan has an actual relationship with — if you want that, interact with her posts (then again, it didn’t mean i will reply because of the reasons above)

i do try to formulate replies but in the end it’s just turns into an ugly writing that i give up .

[lifmera]

hi hi!! hope your doing well! i’d like to ask for a romantic hazbin hotel match up! i’m gender-fluid masculine presenting and i use all pronouns, and i don’t have a gender preference! 

My MBTI is ISTP but most people perceive me as a ENTP. i am quite tall, around six feet. i have a strong sense of right and wrong and justice, and i care deeply for others, but i often act reckless and loud because i don’t want to be taken advantage of for my kindness.

i really like being around people, and i like helping others in any way i can, i can be quite selfless at times but i know when to be stern to protect myself.  i am quite social but i suffer from some mental illness, specifaclly bipolar and schizophrenia so it can make it quite hard to understand and connect with others and the world around me.

i am autistic and i often stim a lot by flapping my hands and moving my arms around. i have a lot of different interests, i really like silly things like clowns i think they are awesome and i really like fictional media, i also like collecting toys like my little pony, it makes me feel really happy!

i have a couple hobbies, i really like shopping a lot, i find it to be super fun, i also like writing and drawing, and i’m getting into software engineering! i also like listening to music, i listen to a wide range of genres but my favorites are breakcore, indie folk, glitch core and basically anything that is loud tbh 😭 

i am often disconnected mentally from the world around me, so i sometimes have psychosis and hallucinations, i take medication for it and it works well but i still have episodes sometimes, it really helps having someone to ground me back into reality.

i really like bonding over interests with others and getting people into the stuff i like, i also love listening to others talk about things they like. i have really bad memory so i often forget important things but i try my best.

best way to describe my style i guess would be older brother core 😭??? idk but basically i wear comfy oversized clothes like silly t- shirts with cats on them and pj pants with cartoon characters on them and silly character beanies. 

i really like being shown love by getting gifts and people doing actions of service for me, i kind of have trust issues so it’s hard to believe someone when it’s just words and not actions.

i am super chaotic i love saying unhinged things and just being very loud it’s very fun for me, i like jokingly threatening to eat people  😭 i also often type in all caps.

i am in a lot of obscure fandoms and i LOVE nerding out about my interests! 

sorry if this is a lot 😭 but thank you so much!!

AHHH THE ONE I HAD DELETED 🥲

Hi hun!! This is completely fine!!

I’ve paired you with…. ANGEL DUST!!

When angel first met you, he definitely thought you were super attractive, and decided to hit on you!

But when he got closer to you, he really realized that he was starting to develop feelings 🩷

At first he was super drawn in by your reckless personality, but when you showed your true kind self- he fell in love.

With your sense of Justice especially… when he saw how you treated Valentino… and GENUINELY truly cared about him? It broke down his walls and let you into his heart.

He definitely introduced you to Cherri and you all became BESTIES. They would totally drag you around to parties and such and socialize ! You guys are the LIVES of the party.

If you confided in him about the mental illness and autism, he definitely would ask a BUNCH of questions to understand you more, and also try not to offend you.

He’d also try to help you through your episodes. He knows he isn’t the best comforter, but he tries. :(

If you told him your special interests he’d bolt out the door with you to do those things! Like clowns? LULU LAND!

Collectors Items? THE STORE!!!!

Angel would love to do some of your hobbies with you. Shopping? You guys are staying out ALL DAY. Writing? You better read whatever it is to him. Listening to music? SINGING YOUR HEARTS OUT!

Honestly, he’d probably judge your outfit choice, until he decided to steal your outfit one day, and realized how comfortable it is??

He totally steals ur clothes at night.

Angel would agree with you !! Actions speak louder than words, kinda why he’s at the hotel! Although he’s always pretty sexual, I think he’d be a sweetheart.

The chaotic nature is what brought him in! You guys are always having fun.

He would also LOVE TO listen to you rant 24/7. Even if he cant get into your interests, he’d try. And he’d always listen. It helps him get away from the world.

~~~

I HOPE THIS WAS OKAY?!!

[isca-rambles]

Chenford/The Rookie fanfic prompts/ideas (pt.2)

So I did this a while back when I had a bunch of 'what ifs' floating around my head (prompts pt.1). I have more, so I'm back again. None are groundbreaking and if you've seen them done before, do let me know. I have even more than this but I'm trying to be good and not spam them all at once. If anyone does use them, even just as a jumping off point, also please let me know! Ya girl is not handling this hiatus at all. * Lucy's first time riding solo (I assume sometime between becoming P2 and becoming Tim's aide. We see her riding solo in S5 but that can't be the first time, surely. Maybe after Jackson's death if Nolan isn't on the same shift, since they rode together too.) Maybe a 5+1 fic but I'm not sure. Five times she rode solo by choice? idk. * Tim learning what it's like 'living' with someone with a curly-hair girl. From finding her hair on him during her time as a rookie, to when they're officially a couple. And maybe after their break-up, still finding her hair in his home. It's a weird one, I know. But I mean I shed like a husky in Summer and my hair is not half as thick, long, dark, or curly/wavy as Lucy's. Aside from Rachel, he's mostly been in long term relationships with straight-haired blondes. Could be a 5+1 type fic again. * Wesley, James, and Lucy hanging out – doing their best to fix the world. Talking laws and reforms and social justice. Being adorable while their partners (pre/post canon Chenford) look on in awe and adoringly at their sunshine people. Because I maintain that we need Wes&James&Lucy friendship stuff, stat. * 5 times Lucy did karaoke with Jackson, and the one time she didn't. And I made myself sad. * 5+1 fic. 5 times Lucy shared her morning/evening/day with Jackson, and the one time she didn't. Or something along those lines. I just need more pure platonic love fics with these two. Before she goes UC, after she gets out, the morning of the wedding, the morning she goes back to work after Caleb, the morning he comes home after being in hospital. I just need more of these two caring for each other 😭 * Lucy meets Wallace (one of Tim's many puppies). Either before or after Tim takes Jackson to meet him. Bonus points if it's set after and Tim is there to fix the downstair's buzzer at Wallace's apartment. (1x04) * Why was Lucy 3 ½ minutes late to roll call that one time? (mentioned in 5x06) * Tim and Tamara bonding over wedding planning and Lucy being UC. Jackson and Tamara bonding while Lucy is gone. Jackson and Tim bonding while Lucy is gone, maybe an insight into their day/days in the shop together. All three of them bonding while their sunshine person is gone. (3x14) * Tim finds out about Lucy's fake kidnapping set up by Nyla and Murray (3x13) * Lucy waiting for the Guatemala gang to get home. Waiting to hear from Tim that they're all okay. Sitting in the station or even the hospital, just waiting for them to turn up and prove that she hasn't lost another friend. (4x01) * What happened in the time-skip, after they got Angela back from La Fiera? Grieving people helping each other, being there for each other. (4x01) * Nyla helping Lucy with her gift basket for Angela and the baby. Just being there for her, helping her keep distracted from grief. (4x01) * The rest of Angela's welcome home/baby shower gathering. I just need more of the Mid-Wilshire family being together, okay? (4x01) * What happened in this unused/deleted scene? https://www.tumblr.com/karihighman/696251336685207552/in-the-deleted-scene-behind-the (4x02) * What if Tamara filmed Lucy being a badass with the stalker in the walls and shares the video with the Mid-Wilshire gang? People need to see how badass our girl is. (4x05) * What would Lucy have picked for Tim if she'd won the bet? Being Lucy, it'd have been something he'd have ended up loving anyway, even if he'd never admit it. (4x06) * Tim winning the bet and caving within like 10 minutes because he can't stand when Lucy isn't talking. (4x06) * Lucy and Tabin talking in the car before she drives up and switches into character. (5x07)

* What if Lucy and Tim had been attacked at home, instead of Nolan or Harper? (5x22) * Tim and Lucy acting as bait in his/her home to see if the attackers try them next? (5x22) * What if they didn't stop before that door was opened and the trap triggered? Not angling for MCD, just some good ol' hurt/comfort while one or both are injured or trapped. (5x22) * How does everyone find out about the break-up? (post 6x06) * Tim somehow seeing Lucy's breakdown/rant to Grey in the shop. (6x07) * Someone confronts Smitty over the betting pool (a nice deleted/missing scene type deal sticking to canon) * Tim seeing how beat up Lucy is after the gang war situation (she and Celina look so battered! They all do this ep! My poor babies!) (6x08) * Lucy working on her UC covers in her free time, pre/post detective's exam (mentioned 6x09) * Tim finds out Lucy is UC at Bautista's, pre/post knowing Monica and London are involved in department leaks. The first UC that he's had zero involvement in or foreknowledge of. You tell me that man didn't go at least a little feral/frantic to Angela and Nyla, especially after knowing Monica's involvement? (6x09/6x10) * Everyone being amped over how badass Lucy was jumping from one moving car to another and saving Tim. She deserved some praise/congrats in the show and unless someone mentions it in passing in S7 (hey isn't that Ofc Chen? You hear what she did?), it's not going to happen outside of ficworld. Hell, even just Grey telling her it was reckless while also being so damn proud of his pseudo-daughter. (6x10)

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hi BBP, thank you for your level-headed take on the hate. That said, could you help a bit more on how to dealing with the overwhelming hate? My timeline was fairly clean, but I was on reddit where there was a very one-sided vitriol towards Jimin and about his singing. So I tried to report on different platforms and my exposure to these vile accusations and sexually charged hate speech made me really sad. Idk how you've been able to report and deplatform some of the most awful bunch in the past. How do you not get emotionally drained? I feel so indignant for Jimin and I can't help but feeling hurt, which I know is not a good approach. I wanted to enjoy this comeback wholeheartedly, but I now feel a heavy weight in my heart. I also know that Jimin is a perfectionist and very hard on himself, I hope that he isn't beating himself up too much. He is a phenomenal artist, and I hope the recency bias doesn't get to him too much. If this is what (probably nowhere near the magnitude given the severity and size of army fandom at the time) army+bts went through in 2016-2018, then I can't commend the perseverance and strength of them enough. It's really incredible, and makes me feel better and want to do better. It's equal sign & letter time, I guess. Regardless, your advice would be much appreciated.

*

Ask 2: Lool Jimin is an embarrassment >..< Armys act high and mighty pretending you don't see that sorry excuse for an idol getting dragged all over Twitter lmfao lmfao >..< I wonder what you're going to say now BPP how will you spin it >..< Or are you going to defend his encore bleating?? Jimboy is my bias in BTS >..< you know why BPP? Bcos he can't lie Your boys tried pretending they're singers oh they tried hardddd but Jimin didn't get the memo!! I thought it will be Namjoon to fuck up first in solos given how sex obsessed he is but he pulled through lucky you BPP. Not lucky j-hope flopped >..< but Armys pretended he didn't. Jimin is where all the pretense dies. In solo era your dozens can't hide BPP and no amount of mass buying will change it. Thanks to Jimin the whole world knows BTS is a fraud >..< One day the whole tower of cards will come falling down. Your sick cult fandom will be exposed and your emperor will have no clothes. You know it no wonder you're miserable harassing bloggers here. Do you think people don't notice? How you steal from people here? Your favs are just like you.

Stop harassing bloggers here. You're not satisfied to run them off the app? Go back to the gutter you crawled out of and take your disgusting privileged dozens with you. Nobody will notice and there will be peace.

*

Ask 3: Ngl Bpp, but the success Face is getting in countries like Japan and UK really surprises me. I mean I was expecting him to do numbers but I didn’t expect it to do this well? Specially after all the stuff that’s been happening left and right. I know he’s Jimin and the maknaes in general are expected to do really well because they’re super popular and have tons of solos on top of that too but still. I’m not knocking on Face at all because it’s definitely my top 2 debuts but I guess you’re right that Jimin did unleash something that he hides away deliberately…

I’m expecting even more for Jungkook too especially if he goes more poppy. For Tae I think it will do just as well as Jimins, less maybe if he goes the jazzy, slow type that he’s done but I think he’ll do better in Korea if that’s the case. I’m really curious what those two are planning because they’ve been working on their solos for years now and have scrapped a ton of songs already. I wonder if they’ll flip the expectations too like Jimin did.

***

Hi Anon(s),

Anon in ask 1, the second ask in this post is here for your benefit. Normally when I get asks like that, I delete them. I don't get the really creepy ones anymore because escalating the issue to Tumblr each time got the creepy users permanently banned from the platform. The asks I end up keeping now are the ones that occasionally make me chuckle, like Ask 2. I just thought (and still think) it was so odd but quaint to say "Jimboy". Lol. As though Jimin's name is Jimmy... and like it's 2023, who actually says "Jimboy"? Also, "the emperor will have no clothes"?? I know what that means but it was so random I actually laughed reading it. It's also the most recent hate ask so I didn't have to scroll that far to get it lol.

What did you feel reading that ask? Annoyance? Anger? Confusion? Amusement? Bewilderment? Hate? Now, has anything changed in the last few minutes, in the real world, since the time you read that opinion and now? Actually, who even is this person saying it? They can't be anybody worth listening to if what they're saying isn't based in fact to begin with, can they? Until now I've never actually sat down to think this out, but that's basically the chain of questions that shoots down my mind in a split second when I see things like Ask 2. In fact my only takeaway from that ask is it's a shame its author is a bit insane, because I actually like their sense of humor. I mean, "Jimboy"? Really?

My point in saying this is, your personality will always impact how you approach hate, and this is something I didn't fully appreciate until recently. My personality is such that exposure therapy really does work on me - I've been into this for so long that few things are genuinely surprising (which is one reason I appreciate BTS/HYBE because that SM fiasco? Lol! Was left-field grade A entertainment. 10 years on and they still impact this system like new blood). Anyway, a lot of the talking points and insults get old. Like I know that in 2026 we'll be answering these exact same questions when a new wave of fans join the fandom, because this has happened every 2 - 3 years since 2013. When I first started actively writing on this blog, it was around the time Jimin was in a controversy related to missed insurance payments I think. There was a lot of hate and at first I'd respond to asks by pointing out how this will hardly impact Jimin in the real world, how Jimin hardly comes online anyway, how the people who write things like that are weird and miserable, how they're essentially binary code... I didn't appreciate that some people need more to understand what's happening because the scale and pervasiveness of hate in k-pop, whether in shippers, solos, ARMYs, or k-pop stans, is frankly senseless. So, I'll say a few more things if you don't mind.

Specifically on how to deal will hate towards Jimin or idols you like:

This might be weird to say, but one thing I consider very important is to remember what you are. You're a fan. That's it. Your scope of effective change is mostly beneficial when compounded with other fans' efforts. And even then, Jimin is his own person, a person strong enough to thrive in an environment as caustic as this, surrounded by people he loves and people who love him. So I get it when you say things like, "I feel so indignant for Jimin and I can't help but feeling hurt," but at the same time, it will be easier to detach and gain perspective when you remember what you are in this situation, a fan. And so is that person hating him. It's okay to just step back, log off, and go do something else if you're not in the mood to respond to them clearly, or to just report and block (recommended). Jimin is more than fine. Obviously. He already hears how much of a respected artist he is from his bandmates, their staff, talkshow hosts, interviewers, and designers, and what I suspect he'd like to see more is the response from his fans. So if you like what you're hearing, express that however you like. Just doing that is powerful and amazing. And going by that meme dance (the one JK too did), that Jimin posted on Instagram, maybe Jimin will notice how you express your love for his work. I'm writing all this to show it's not merely cliché to say focus on the music, it really just makes sense.

Anon in ask 3, thanks for providing a good segue into showing one of the best ways to deal with criticism IMO: actually listen to the music and support the artist. You were mad, amused, or both, reading Ask 2 weren't you? It didn't seem rational to you at all, did it? Responding to posts like that Anon's will take time away from you enjoying or assessing what Jimin has released, so it only makes sense to just focus on Jimin and support him harder. That's what ARMYs and his other fans did for him the last two weeks, and that's what they'll do again for Yoongi's D-Day release.

[ Your surprise at Jimin doing so well though lol... Jimin released the album of the year, ended k-pop, and owned every live performance, and you're surprised the fandom rallied for him and the world loved his work? Come now. ]

Speaking of D-Day's release and ARMY support, Taehyung and Jung Kook's debut will be so chaotic for the fandom oh lawd. I almost don't want to be here for it, but I also don't want to miss it because theirs could be the biggest debuts in the group and I honestly like Taekook's music so far. Both Tae and JK have made pop tunes so I assume they'll have a mix of pop, R&B, jazz, and/or hip hop in their albums. Let's pray Jungkook was thoroughly inspired by Jimin in Set Me Free Pt 2 and we get nasty rapper JK in JJK1, or a feature with one. We know Jungkook will be dancing hard in at least one MV too...

Besides that I have no expectations for Tae and JK. They'll both do very well.

*

Anon in ask 1, hate is something you'll only see more of unfortunately the longer you spend time in k-pop circles online, especially if BTS remains at the top of the hierarchy for a lot longer. I think whatever impact that will have on BTS will be insignificant so long as each member keeps making art. I could be wrong but that's also an outcome outside of our control, so why fret about it. Also, I personally enjoy a good debate and don't mind seeing critiques often because sometimes you learn something new, so I'd encourage you to remain in the spaces you're in, but it's also okay to curate your feed or block spaces that are clearly toxic to you. It takes a few tweaks but it's possible to curate a fan space online that's fun and helpful/informative to you as a fan. My $0.02: if that's what you want though, don't open a Tumblr account and turn on the Anon feature. Lol. A lot of people are just weird.

[ednito]

did you ever get that eddieverse server up and running? If so, I'd love to join! :D

I'm adding your other ask cause it's easier to answer both.

On the topic of Mr. Dot I'm so??? Astonished?? Speechless with what happened, words literally can't describe how badly this bag of horse shit has been fumbled. His apology isn't even really an apology its just a "sorry you feel that way" bull. His other responses, the ones he deleted, are even worse. Good lord.

In response to the second ask about the discord, funny story! I did make the server but I haven't had the time to sit down and make each chat and role and get bots and stuff- I'm hoping to do that today. On the topic of EV I've wanted to talk about this when I would be starting it but I'm most likely not starting anytime soon so I think I'll just say the fun news here now!

I'm actually really passionate about EV, close friends and even family understand how important my fanverse is. I've decided the only way I feel I can properly portray it is to make it into a game!!! Complicated sure but with how complex the story is a gaming format is probably the best choice of portrayal! Of course that'll take time to develop so In the meantime I'll make little things to tease the game and to also air out certain information that I know won't make it to the game! And I want to use the server to help document my progress and also hear some feedback from others! At the moment the scarecrow audio tapes and something to do with riddler are two side projects I'm eyeing!

I understand that the topics in my fanverse are rather serious ones, development is slow because I want to be able to portray these topics in a realistic, respectful way and I've been looking into things like addiction, certain medical diseases/disorders/syndromes, the affects of antisemitism and racism and other topics such as SA and abuse. I research how it affects individuals and how it affects the psychi and societal norms. I know I can relate to some of these experiences like having mental illnesses and being a victim of SA and abuse but I also understand my perspective is different from others and I don't want to show a type of bias or one sided understanding. And because of this passion I'd rather take years to make this project as perfect as it can be then to spurt out a bunch of incoherent nonsense without any understanding of what I'm talking about. Plus like... idk about any other fan project creator but I'm working on this alone really so. No shit I'm gonna take my time LMAO

Sorry for the tangent. It's just important to me, this whole thing is important to me. I'll admit I get emotional over this because of how passionate i am (im pretty sensitive), I literally can't think of anything else to say waaaaaaaa.

[content-d3leted]

THIS SHOW IS AMAZING. THE BEST. THE MOST MAGNIFICENT OF ALL.

YES I KNOW ALL OF THE DRAWINGS ARE ABSOLUTELY RUBBISH BUT IDC!! I HAVE HORRIFIC ARTBLOCK SO THATS WHY. I DID THEM IN LIKE 2 MINUTES ITS NOT MEANT TO HAVE EFFORT PUT INTO IT!

I made that terrible clay cup replica about 6 months ago do not question its terrible paint job.

It's so annoying at how so much Robert content is just lost media. Cbeebies stargazing episodes? GONE. Continuity links containing Robert/other JH characters? GONE. Some recordings of live shows? GONE!! Like sure, having limited clips of live shows is fair enough, you had to be there to experience it. But to delete SO MANY episodes of stargazing, an actually good educational show for kids?! ITS NOT EVEN OLD!! (2014 is when it started I think. That isn't even that long ago tbf), WHAT REASON DID THEY HAVE TO DELETE ALL THE EPISODES?! THEY HAVE THE MOST ABHORRENT CGI STUFF EVER ON THE IPLAYER, LIKE COCOMELON (which is literally proven to have bad effects on small children), AND A BUNCH OF OTHER USELESS SHOWS. It's not like they don't have room on the iplayer for it. Oh well, can't do anything about it.

Also series 6 annoys me so muchh like there was actually so much potential for it. The first 7 episodes are probably my favourite out of the whole show, and if Steve stayed for the whole series, it would definitely be the best one. The scrips were so great (apart from party animals, that one can rot in hell), but Chris let it down SO MUCH. He did some of the poorest acting EVER. He didn't even try half the time! He used his normal voice, not even attempting to sound remotely like how Robert should. He also kept on moving his arms in the most odd generic robot-like way, like constantly holding them at 90° to his body, which is NOT what Robert does. I mean Steve does do that sometimes, but it just seems much more natural than when Chris does. And obviously Chris and Justin don't have the greatest chemistry between them, so it seems more odd and awkward when the script makes them do friendship sort of stuff, like hug or hold hands or whatever. It is extremely difficult to get through an episode containing Chris, it just makes me cringe so much aaargh!! And sure, Chris had about 2 days to prepare for taking Steve's role, so I understand why at first his acting is a bit rubbish, since he didn't have time to fully examine how Steve plays the role. But the series was done throughout a few months, so he had time to prepare!!!! Which he didn't. Hopefully there'll be a series next year which will make up for it.

Also, wayy off topic, but I got a haircut yesterday so now I have short hair. AND IT IS THE BEST THING EVER. Long hair is the most overstimulating thing ever for me, and it was sooo annoying to constantly put up with it for years on end. I AM FREE NOW WOOHOO!!! Also I look kinda awesome now aswell. Double whammy.

I love typing useless paragraphs it's so fun because I doubt that over 3 people will ever read it. I could literally write all of my deepest darkest secrets here practically noone would ever know! Not that I would. That's dumb. It's actually so fun typing for ages though. I don't talk that much irl because..idk why actually. So it's like I can talk here instead!! Awesome.

[angelicmark]

cw: um unintentional trauma dumping? idk i can't tell bc the stuff im talking ab is relevant to my ask but i feel like an attention wh*re for talking ab it at the same time im so sorry rip 😭 u dont have to post if this is too long but i just wanted to express how ur writing made me feel!

pls pls pls never take down tooth and nail... i fr loved every single word. every single word hurt me more and more (in the best way).

i was in a relationship exactly the same as the one you wrote and my mental health also plummeted due to unrelated reasons but the fact that my relationship wasn't working out started to take a toll on my mental health too. 2 yrs later is when i decided to stop listening to empty promises and insincere apologies, sometimes i wish i wasn't the bigger person and i sometimes wish i cussed them out lmao i honestly just wish they could feel the pain they caused me over the years but instead i decided to end things on neutral ground.

i related to this so much, what really fuckin got me was the frustration,, esp trying to figure out what to do. even if i don't regret leaving that person behind i can't seem to shake off how it effected me as a person, and left a bitter taste in my mouth whenever i think of love esp since i used to be a fairytale daydreams hopeless romantic type. it hit me so fuckin hard the way you described every single interaction made me wonder if you were writing this from personal experience. no need to share if you're uncomfy. if you did, then i'm so sorry you went through that, i rlly empathize with you & im so proud of where you are today; if you did not, then i greatly commend you and your ability to depict and evoke so much emotion into a bunch of text.<3

pls don't ever delete tooth and nail as i will be coming back to read whenever im in an angsty mood and feel like making myself cry,, bc stuff describing these exact events hurt me the most and sometimes you need a good cry yk? strangely they bring me a lot of comfort though, bc i feel seen. this did just that for me n so much more,, the feelings your writing expressed- truly beautiful, srsly well done. thank you for providing me w a lil safe bubble to sob simply bc i feel like it as well as the comfort and validation i feel after reading this.💛

oh wow, thank you for this message. it means a lot that you would open up to someone like me. most of my fics are based on my own events, so yes, tooth and nail is apart of my life as well. i struggled a very long time with communication with the person i wrote about. we broke up and then got back together. we needed concrete boundaries and we never had that until now. i understand just how you feel and where the frustration and hurt and pain truly comes from. i will keep it up forever just for you. thank you for reading it and telling me such personal details. thank you for the trust 🤍

[makeroomforthejolyghost]

right so that moment has passed and now it turns out i do want to discuss my thoughts in some more detail lmao

like ok to be fair i'm an outsider to all this; i am not and never have been active in cpunk or -adjacent spaces. and i definitely feel like i have not seen the epicenter of this whole drama, since like. in browsing random disability blogs i have in the last week encountered multiple people whose posts for months have been 90% complaining about This Shit, and yet i have not encountered very much of the Shit in question at all?

like. i've seen a whole bunch of posts that go something like, "i can't believe abled NDs* have the gall to call us ableist bullies just for saying that chronic illness and autism are different experiences!", or like, "no matter how clear i make it that i'm talking about physical disability, all my posts end up with a billion notes tagged 'adhd' or 'depression' or whatever. why they gotta make everything about them! let us keep something to ourselves for once!", &/or c. usually in that order. but like... without the obvious middle stage where they argue on their blogs with actual objectors to this "let this be just for us" plea. so like maybe they've deleted most of those posts, or maybe the central example is on some cpunk bnf's blog which i just haven't happened to click on yet. idk. but my point is

that from my outsider's perspective it feels like a huge and sudden escalation? to have gone from "ugh not every post has to be about you; read the actual words i wrote, don't just pretend they said something else that you like better!" to, like, "in case you needed more proof that all abled NDs are ableist scum" rallying-the-troops type posts

and wow! i hate it! i cannot actually imagine a level of vitriol from The Other Side that would justify this bullshit.

i want, like?--i sorta hope that somewhere i've missed there's like, a long manifesto from the aforementioned (hypothetical) cpunk bnf about why they and their friends have suddenly decided that neurodivergent people don't count as disabled. even if i probably wouldn't agree with it, i'm still like. that should exist. you can't just start Asserting stuff like that, at people you know will take offense, without explaining anywhere why you've adopted these different discourse norms.

(or i mean--you can, but if you're not trying to escalate conflict then you really shouldn't.)

but.......... also it makes sense. not morally! but. logically. it seems to be a common problem with any echo-chambery discursive space? i remember when i was ~18-21 and much more Online, i would drink some shiny new kind of SJ koolaid and then forget within weeks that people who hadn't drunk that koolaid didn't know what it tasted like.

e.g. after that post that's like (i'm paraphrasing) "the expression 'boys will be boys' should be replaced with 'bad parenting leads to assholes'" got super popular, for years whenever i heard someone say "boys will be boys" i assumed they were either endorsing or deliberately mocking the sexist baggage with which i associate that phrase. when... no, pal; it's a common phrase. you have zero information about what it signifies in random strangers' minds

so like, i'm guessing that's what's gone on here? like like like, backing up a bit: i sympathize with and frequently feel for myself these people's rancor about mental illness (and, though to a much lesser extent, autism and adhd) being the public face of disability. and particularly the thing where like--

ten or fifteen years ago, when i first encountered awareness-raising activism about mental illness, a lot of it took the form of "you wouldn't download a car"-type comparisons with injury, illness, and/or central examples of physical disability. as in, like, rebuffing "your [mental illness accommodation] is just a crutch!" with "imagine telling someone on actual crutches that they shouldn't rely on a crutch" &c.

when what their intuition told them was about physical vs. mental or visible vs. invisible illness was really more about acute vs. chronic illness.**

and like a. this mistake is very annoying, since it leads to a lot of mentally ill/invisibly ill people assuming incorrectly that physically disabled/visibly ill people don't get doubted and belittled the same way they do, when uhhhh guess again.

but also b. it means that while from my perspective it seems super mega obvious that mental illness is the public face of disability in 2023, many people who care a whole lot about activist efforts on behalf of mental illness but who don't know much about other kinds of disability activism still, erroneously, inexplicably think that the reason they don't see as many campaigns like this for other kinds of disability is because physically disabled people are seen/accepted already and don't need to fight for that the way mentally ill people did/still do.

when like.

...this is such a tiny example but i'm bitter about it so: the other day on my university campus i saw a fundraising booth about support for mental illness. you can't log in to our canvas page without seeing a mental health hotline pop up in the corner. nearly every professor i've had here has at some point gone on a tangent about how important it is to support mental health. many times we've had little impromptu class discussions about the unique struggles faced by people with (always this phrase) "invisible illnesses like depression." my school is really really loud about how much it cares about student mental health.*** and i don't think any of these people know that when i encounter these pronouncements i feel like my own experience has been overlooked

so yes, ok? it pisses me off also when mentally ill/neurodivergent awareness-raisers, activists, and people generally think it's like. an underdog move. punching up, if you will. to reblog posts about chronic pain/other phsyical disability and add "this can apply to mental illness, too!" as if that's a mindblowing revelation to us stuckup, old-guard invalids when like. y-yeah, we know that mental illness also sucks. many of us (raises hand) experience it ourselves, and even if we haven't? we too have seen the internet. the mental illness experience is way more legible to the general public than ours is, so it's really fuckin annoying when people co-opt descriptions of our experience to be about theirs.

but like. the fact you (a physically disabled blogger) have now had this conversation with your (also physically disabled and blogging) friends doesn't mean you get to treat people who weren't in on that conversation like hopeless reactionaries??? this is like me in 2012 seeing the term "friend zone" as a red flag no matter who flew it, even though 2011 me had used that term nonjudgmentally and had no inkling of its entitled/sexist undertones.

like i can remember the exhaustion of communicating with waves of internet strangers who can't be bothered to backread your blog a few pages before commenting on some viral post but. th-that is the thing that's occurring here?? multiple waves of people who, each, individually, see something that without context looks inflammatory. not one wave of pigheads who refuse to listen.

*their term, not mine. don't like this at all myself. see previous post

**though to be fair, i don't doubt that plenty of otherwise-healthy people have been accused of "attention seeking" even for, like, a sprained ankle. or for still audibly sniffling when they come back to work after having had the flu. some people are just....? dicks? just dicks. if you can imagine a bad behavior, it's probably common somewhere.

****does this decrease the rate of mental illness in our student body? hahahaha no, probably not