#idk yeah i wanted doodles also after doing something i actually had to put effort in hfdjs

[lavenoon]

@naffeclipse more shenanigans too

*self insert is not a girl (he/ she)

og detective au by sunnys-aesthetic!

[jadedjxsung]

‘heather’ - h.h.j

i am sad and am listening to conan gray’s new album kid krow - this is inspired by ‘heather’ from that album. listen to it. it’s sad and i cry a little bit every time because i kinda relate to it too with my actual friends... anyway. this is kinda like me fictionally venting about it but through fanfic so i hope you enjoy this angst.

genre: angst, angst, angst. highschool au.

tw/cw: swearing, alcohol (kinda underage drinking? tbh i’m assuming they’re all above 18 so idk guess it depends on the laws where you live, where i am it’s 18)

pairing: hyunjin x reader i guess? kinda but also not really. you’ll see what i mean when you read the story.

just over 3k words

-

it was the third of december, a sunday, approximately 4pm. you and your best friend (whom you were definitely, absolutely not in love with) were hanging out at his house, having spent most of the day watching movies in the pillow fort you had made in his living room. your phone buzzed beside you, under the soft mink blanket.

“i gotta head home now.” you sat up, stretching, looking down at him. 

he was pouting. (god it just made him more adorable-) “come on, five more minutes?”

“i can’t jinnie, my grandparents from out of town are visiting and mum wants me there to see them.” he sighed. 

“argh, fine.” you both crawled out of the fort, and you reached the front door. opening it, a cold wind blew in. you were in a somewhat thin t-shirt. “take my sweater.” before you could even attempt to protest, he’d whipped the black sweater off and threw it at you. it landed over your head. you pulled it over your body, instantly swamped in the soft material. (it smelled just like him too, you tried to ignore the way it made your heart race.)

“thanks.” 

“you’re welcome. it looks better on you.” he grinned. you hugged briefly, and then began the walk home, head spinning as you tried to remember to breathe. after the dinner with your grandparents, you sat in your room, in his sweater, inhaling the scent and playing with the sweater paws. you fell asleep with a soft smile on your face.

-

it was the end of the winter holidays, spring rapidly approaching. school was back, and you and hyunjin were sitting in the cafeteria during lunch with your friends. it was loud, the mass of teenagers chatting loudly. you were listening to felix as he was talking about what had happened in drama, recreating the scene with jisung. you glanced at hyunjin, soft smile on his pretty face. it disappeared as he began staring, a look you’d never seen on his face before. you followed his gaze, hitching your breath at who he was (now very obviously) staring at. he was completely mesmerized.

of course it was a girl. admittedly a very beautiful one, clearly a new student. imagine, the definition of the soft girl aesthetic - perfect, slightly curled brown hair, oversized pale pink knitted sweater, half-tucked into light blue mom jeans rolled up at the ankle, white adidas finishing the look. round frame glasses, and the perfect smattering of freckles over her nose and cheekbones.

perfect, perfect, perfect. 

picture perfect.

as she walked past your table, you glanced at hyunjin. he was, as felix would say, ‘absolutely whipped’ - heart eyes, mouth slightly agape, relaxed facial expression.

you quickly exhaled. “shut your mouth before you start drooling.” you snapped.

he jolted out of his daydream at your sudden sharp tone. “shit, was i staring?”

“you’re whipped, bro.” 

“she’s sitting alone, i’ll go talk to her.” he got up quickly, moving away from your table. you observed his body language - you could imagine him giving her that charming smile, while it wasn’t as pretty has the one where his eyes crinkle up, it was still infectious and entrancing at the same time.

“sorry, y/n.” jisung murmured in your ear. though he was smiling, his eyes said otherwise. he knew how you felt about your mutual friend and was always sympathetic towards you.

“we’ll see how long this one lasts, i guess.” you shrugged. something was different about this one, you could tell. it used to be more puppy love, but this looked more like real, romantic love. and it kind of scared you a little bit.

“i’m gonna go to the library.” you got up, bag slung over one shoulder, putting on a podcast (welcome to night vale, a long time favourite of yours) as you sat down. you pulled out your english book and a sharpie, idly doodling patterns and writing down quotes as you hear them. you had a free period after lunch, so you stayed there until the end of the day, the covers of your english, history, calculus, physics, chemistry, and music book covers were completely covered in drawings, and you had little sharpie smudges all along your hands and arms.

-

things had been getting better for hyunjin (and worse for you) - he shared a few classes with the girl he learned was from england, called heather. and she was all he talked about - until she began sitting with your group during breaks. 

“hey, y/n, i know you missed english yesterday so i copied my notes for you.” she smiled, passing you a few pages of paper as everyone met at your table. even her writing was neat and tidy, everything laid out nicely. your notes were exactly the opposite of this, being an incomprehensible mess. jisung had already given you his notes, so you folded them and shoved them into your bag. more ashes for the fireplace, you supposed.

“thanks.” you forced a smile. “much appreciated.”

“no problem!” god, her smile was perfect too. perfect teeth. it made you seethe on the inside. and, she’d taken your usual spot at the edge of the table, across from hyunjin; now you sat sandwiched between jisung and felix. while their antics still made you laugh, it was getting harder to pretend to smile at hyunjin and heather. picture perfect heather. she was everything you were not - twice as pretty as you, and kind too. it just made you more bitter.

you sighed, relieved when the bell rang to indicate the end of lunch - and you were the fastest to leave, too. music went by faster than usual, as you were practicing for your solo pieces. as you were leaving, you saw hyunjin walking by himself.

this was a rare opportunity, and so you seized it.

“hey, jinnie. movie night at mine?”

he shook his head. “sorry y/n, i’m busy. heather and i are gonna be going to...” as soon as he shook his head you sighed, regretting asking. you didn’t bother to listen to his short spiel.

“that’s okay.”

“what about next wednesday? we can hang out at mine?”

“yeah, sure!” it was the first thing that had you looking forward to being around hyunjin in a while.

-

the next day, you didn’t see hyunjin or heather until lunch. you nearly turned on your heel and walked out.

heather was wearing one of hyunjin’s sweaters - of course it wasn’t just any old sweater either. one of his favourites, a bright yellow one that you had bought for him about a year ago. of course he would give her that one. fucking typical.

you breathed in and out a few times to try and calm yourself down. at least it’s polyester, right? not like the woolen one he gave you.

your breathing didn’t really work - you sat down, (accidentally) slamming your drink bottle on the table.

“you good?” jisung asked gently. you shook your head slightly. “do you want to go outside?”

“please.” you both got up, exiting the cafeteria with your bags. it was cool outside, and overcast. you both walked across the field, sitting at a picnic table.

“what’s happened?”

“she’s wearing the sweater i bought for him, like, a year ago.”

his expression softened. “oh...”

“yeah. god- i just- i...” you buried your face in your cold hands. silently, jisung hugged you as you began to cry.

“i can try talking to him if you want.”

“i-it’s okay, there’s probably no point.”

“you never know, i’ll ask him about the sweater for you.”

“much appreciated.” you sighed. you two stayed in that position for some time. he looked up, behind you, seeing felix approaching.

“felix is coming over, is that cool?”

“yeah, yeah.”

“hey, uhh, i wanted to see if y/n was okay.” he sat down at the table, across from you both.

“i’m not, but thanks for showing concern, lix.”

“can i ask why?”

you sighed. “long story short, i have liked hyunjin for years and he’s basically in love with heather and she’s currently wearing the sweater i bought him a year ago.”

“yikes.”

“mhm...” you sat slumped for several minutes. for the rest of lunch, jisung and felix sat with you. while they still cracked jokes here and there, it was strange for them to be as quiet as they were.

-

you felt a little better now that felix and jisung both made the extra effort to try and cheer you up. hangout sessions with them both were quite common - though today it was wednesday and you were looking forward to hanging out with hyunjin. just you two. no perfect heathers to distract your best friend. 

waiting outside the main building for him, you saw him and walked over. “oh, hey y/n!” he smiled at you. the eye crunch one. your heart instantly a puddle on the ground.

“hey, hyunjin.” you began walking to his place, and it was just like old times - plenty of teasing and hyunjin being overdramatic while you rolled your eyes at his antics. all was well and you felt the happiest you’d been in some time. 

all was well.

two minutes past seven, you and hyunjin were in his room, doing your own thing, occasionally showing each other memes or tiktoks. a knock on the door caused you to flinch slightly. of course, being his bestfriend of several years meant that you had been interrupted by both of his parents knocking on the door numerous times; this was an unfamiliar knock.

and who comes into the room, but perfect heather. with her perfect smile, perfect hair, perfect handwriting, perfect everything. 

“oh, hi y/n! sorry to interrupt, i’m happy to leave-” 

“it’s fine, see-”

“no, no, no, you can stay if you’d like.” hyunjin beamed.

“are you sure? i wouldn’t want to impose.”

“it’s fine.” you got up, walking towards the door, glaring at hyunjin. “i was just about to leave.” as the weight of your schoolbag met your shoulder, you shut the door. firmly. god, how you wanted to hit him sometimes. 

-

a week and a few days later, and here you are at 1am on a saturday morning, dissociating at a party, hosted by jisung’s friend chan. you’re sitting on an armchair in the corner, with chan’s dog sitting by your feet, head on your lap while you gently patted it and scratched behind it’s ears. it was loud, and not your scene, and you hate it, but someone had to look out for slightly intoxicated jisung and felix and you didn’t like the idea of them doing something stupid (which was a very likely thing to occur if you weren’t there to supervise them).��

your charges are sitting on a couch with changbin, not too far from where you were, only two or so metres away. on another couch, hyunjin and perfect heather, as well as minho and another dude they were friends with that you recognised from class but didn’t know the name of. (jeongoon? no, jeongin.)

you shift your gaze from jeongin (jeongoon??) to hyunjin and heather. he has one arm around her shoulder. almost like phantom pain, you shiver, suddenly feeling cold. he used to do that with you. emphasis on used to.

you sit, patting chan’s dog (whose eyes are drooping, you feel exactly the same), wallowing in your bitterness. it makes you sad. in any other circumstance, you’d probably be good friends with her. she’s the definition of an angel, yet something about her makes you tick. she’s such an angel but you dislike her. immensely. not hate. it was a shame, really.

it is also a shame that with the blue and red lighting, it falls perfectly on hyunjin’s features, making him seem more ethereal. oh, how you wish you were in heather’s position. if you were in her place, you would’ve kissed him, right there. (after years of nearly doing it but stopping at the last second before he noticed and anything happened.) he’s three metres away from you, but you can picture his face close-up. he’d look so much better up close. how you wish you were heather. 

gently lifting the dog’s head from your lap (quietly apologising to it too), you stand in front of jisung and felix. 

“i’m leaving. don’t die. text me when you get home.”

jisung pouts. “aww, do you have to leave?”

“i’m not really having fun, there’s no point in me being here.” jisung stood up quickly, clinging to your shoulder as he sways slightly.

“i’ll walk you home, it’s dangerous out there, y/n. big scary spiders and shit.” his eyes are glassy and wide.

“no. no, you stay here, ji, have fun. i’ll be fine.” you force a smile for the boy clinging to you, not unlike a koala. 

“but what if like- a huge fuckin’ spider eats you?! what would i do without my y/n?” 

you chuckle at his antics. “you’re probably more likely to get me eaten by a big spider than to protect me from one, you idiot.” 

a new voice caused you to tense up a little bit. “i’ll walk them home, you stay here jisung.” 

the dark haired boy loosens his grip. “okay, if hyunjin’s walking you home that’s fine. but you should definitely not tell him anything y/n.” he sat back down again, almost like nothing had happened. hyunjin follows you out of chan’s place, nearly losing you a few times as you quickly picked your way through the crowd. 

you stand on the footpath outside as he approaches you. silently, you walk together for about five minutes, both lost in your own thoughts.

“i feel like we hardly talk anymore, y/n.”

you huff, shoving your hands further into your jacket pockets. “i wonder why.”

“well, why?” he ignores your sarcasm.

“heather.”

“what about her?”

your feet stop. you exhale sharply. this had been going on for long enough, and internally apologise to jisung for doing the exact opposite of what he told you to do. 

“you want to know? fine, i’ll tell you. i have been in love with you for years but have been too afraid to say it, when you had these little crushes on others and always having these short little flings with them but it didn’t matter because you always came back to me. then perfect heather turns up and you very obviously fall in love with her which is fair enough, and i feel horrible because she’s so perfect and lovely but i can’t help but despise her because she’s the one you love, not me. and it breaks my heart because you’re both so nice and she doesn’t deserve me being an asshole to her like this but i can’t help it, her perfection just irritates me in ways that i can’t describe. 

it’s like you replaced me, but with the perfect girl that you fell in love with while i sit in the corner, upset and bitter, because i am ultimately a coward who doesn’t know how to confess to their best friend. also, you gave her the sweater i bought you, the yellow one, but clearly don’t remember that because i’m just not that important to you anymore. everything is heather, heather, heather, with you and regardless of the romantic feelings, i miss you and want to know what happened to my best friend.” 

your heavy breathing after your rant filled the silence. 

“y/n i...”

“look, you don’t have to respond. i just needed you to hear that. i’m tired of trying to hide how i feel.” you turn on you heel and began walking quickly - your house was only a block away. curse hyunjin and his long legs.

“look, i’m sorry, y/n. i am so sorry that you feel like that. i’m sorry that i became so focused on one person. i’m sorry i can’t return your feelings, but i still love you as a friend. can we still be friends?”

you stop again, keeping your gaze towards the ground. “i don’t know if i can ever see you as just a friend.”

“so... no?”

you breathe in. “no, hyunjin. we can’t be friends.” you look up at him. you’d never seen him look this broken, this tormented, and it was because of you. you hold your arms out, and he falls into your embrace. you can tell by the way he’s breathing and the quiet sniffles that he’s crying on your shoulder.

-

it is the 3rd of march, a saturday at approximately 2am. you and your former best friend (who you are very much in love with) are embracing for the last time in the middle of the street, almost but not quite outside your house. your phone buzzes in your jacket pocket, repeatedly. 

“you better pick that up.” hyunjin said softly, pulling away from you, forcing a smile. it makes your heart twinge at the sight. nothing like the radiant ones you are used to, that you might never get to see up close again.

you sigh when you saw the caller id, answering anyway. “jisung, what?”

“you should be home by now y/n. are you safe? did you tell hyunjin anything? i hope he protected you from big spiders and shit.” he was slurring his words a little bit - clearly he’d had a bit more to drink since you’d left.

“i’m almost home, ji. he protected me from all the spiders.” 

“okay well, that’s good. i’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“yep. stay safe.” you hang up and sigh, looking back at hyunjin. “look after him and felix for me, please.”

“i will.”

“thank you, hyunjin. you’re a wonderful person.” you begin to walk down the street, looking back when you reach your front door. you glance back, and see his dark figure, slowly walking down the street. you slip in your house quietly, and manage to hold your tears in until you reach your room. you sit on your bed, in his sweater, crying into the sweater paws. eventually, sleep takes over your body, your face sticky with tears.

[yuissamidare]

@codes i think i may have put this on my artblog but... Here

i guess ill start w ichi bc i always forget about him somehow like i always come up short when im making lists and im like 'oh wait shit yeah that guy’ bc im stupid n i only think of fishing trio + choro. I’m an Idiot. idk i never thought too hard on ichi bc i so rarely think about him but he looks so high its really funny i said this on main but he looks like my friend when he decided to try a weed gummy bear then started babbling about hentai then watched to watch porn with me but got mad all the intro scenes are a billion years long and started ranting about the industry but now that i think about it he looks like someone who used to send me weird shit when he was high like bad pick up lines about body parts i wish i didnt have

and thats so funny that its Ichimatsu who looks like that but also proof that hes high. but anyway!! hes really cute and im mad hes boutta ruin my reputation for my complete and utter lack of care and interest in him no matter what im mad. my friend gwyn said 'Sp lubing us up for the fuckening that is the reason why Ichi is sad in present day’ im really curious at the change like if hes trying a fake it till you make it type thing bc really emotionally exhausted or if hes just genuinely having a good time or hes puttin on a front since like. nails who stand get hammered down right??? just gotta do your best n Never Relax n i can relate to all that. but uhhh old hcs i guess

in kun ichi was the most serious! really smart but just as bad w school as the rest of them apparently but!! yeah so id think that!! ichis that guy who participates in class discussion constantly and is always willing to debate the readings, but turns in sloppy papers with typos and no a coherency or stucture or anything. he’s A+ in participation but has an average of 60% on most of the written assignments with points knocked bc of lateness then more bc its A Mess. you could ask about the prompts for one of his papers, he could babble about his position on it complete with paragraphs and footnotes but like the day before its due hes playing rpgs and watching horror movies.

his classmates think hes so smart n so intimidating. the family knows hes a hot mess. the teachers tell him he has a lot of potential but they don’t think hes applying himself. all are right. also he doesnt cheat or let people cheat off of him since hes always been about rules and boundaries and Rightness n he n jyushi were the only ones who Minded Themselves in kun

uhh jyushi!! let me talk about schoolwork again bc yeah i love jyushi so so so so much and thinking of him in a school environment is so weird i thought about it a lot n i thought about it him in kun n san and Woah!! i really really love delinquent jyushi, bc when i saw that i was like 'huh! that fits actually!!’ i love that like him and choro flip flopped completely from what i thought. his school must be so cold theyre too cheap to afford heating in the winter and in summer the acs Blast. he was so Shy and quiet and he cried and he liked to sing so i always thought that when he participated in chorus festivals hes always like right in front!! he hums a lot in class and also moves around alot bc he actually like school and people like primary trio are the types that make friends often. i wasnt supposed to talk about this yet whoops.

unlike ichi who relatively neat despite everything but has shit notes, jyushis notes are amazing and understandable and utterly illegible.

theyre covered in doodles, arrows and lines leading every which way, different colors but not like color coded n theyre not in order by date, but he opens to a random page every time yet somehow always seems to know where to find each lesson. he writes footnotes and caveats and corrections and criticisms of the teachers and random thoughts and just smears ink everywhere. sometimes his notes are on a completely different subject. the notebook itself is a horrifying mess, the front and back covers both covered in drawings and designs and falling apart, random papers shoved between the pages, coming apart at the seams, covered in stains of unknown origin. assignments are full of emoticons and informal language, and they always manage to make his teachers feel like hes smarter than they are (most likely). he does his projects the minute theyre assigned, and is finished a minute later so can talk to his friends. he loved school.

sophie told me once about how she thought was Like That was bc one of his main concerns is that he thought he had nothing that made him Jyushi n in kun she said he might have been the one who was the most concerned about having a distinctive personality and i talked about how that sorta carried over san and how he always blended in bc of how gentle and soft and push-overy he was. he was actually the and most gullible and weakest in kun so i was like :0 when i saw that and intentionally did stuff like only carry 14 yen in his pockets to be quirky but it always sorta fell flat and he was still invisible so i was like hmmmmm. and i can see how he couldve toughened up and thinking of this now!! i love that. oh im so happy. this is so much better than i ever couldve imagined ever.

totty…. i do not think he was very popular or good at school. i think he’s very decent at schoolwork but he never put much effort into it. just copies whats on the board but if the class runs out of allotted lesson time n he couldnt finish his work he just didnt do it like cram schools a pain in the ass. if he put effort hed be a star student but he just craps out whatever since hes was the laziest!! oh but something i noticed was that him and jyushi would play together often since sometime he felt overwhelmed by karamatsu a lot. also hes the money thief and scammer its great kun todo is so good. he gets shy and flustered easy too!!

but uhh yeah!! depending on the day im always like 'zaimoku love each other so much they are best friends and the perfect other halves!!’ then im like 'these mofos hate each other what the fuck is this trainwreck’ did you see their shitty small talk in the horse episode. what was that. like they are genuinely trying to communicate and are pretty easy with each other but they have nothing to say. its like when youre having a boring day at school and theres nothing to talk about with an acquaintance so you just look at the walls and go 'have you ever noticed how stupid these posters are’ then you both start reading posters aloud but you both know its not that funny and youre just doing it to waste time but you still enjoy their company you just dont want silence. thats their relationship. and i think they are just very similar in very different ways and like. the key things that make them both similar and different and the same fuck them up (like suiriku!! theyre both really similar even if it doesn’t seem like it at first which is why their compatibility in the relationship chart was so low in s1, but i saw a lot of improvement in both of their behaviours and their communication and honestly. s2 was worth it for that sophie was so happy to see her faves get along) like sometimes when you look in the mirror all the things you see are the things you dont like about yourself instead of what makes you wonderful and unique. also i didnt mean to talk about this but i guess i am.

but yeah. totty is bitter n resentful at kara during hs n karas more confused and upset at tottys behaviour in their twenties n thats bc like i said. theyre dumb. karamatsu!! i think was actually pretty popular in highschool n had a good amount of friends - i genuinely think theatre kids are well liked bc i literally know everyone in my department and im friends w a good amount of people and im not even That extroverted. my actual extrovert friends know everyone in the school by name and everyone in my department is so nice even though theres a lot of bitchiness and drama its not as bad as w other humanities studies (jesus christ humanity students outside of theatre are a hot mess.)

uh yeah n that ultimately makes totty feel a bit… betrayed? karamatsu is his partner! theyre supposed to be there for eachother! kara’s the first one to branch out, get friends etc etc and todomatsus left behind bc hes always the one playimg follow the leader and he breaks out of that once they graduate - he grows up resenting karamatsu slightly though he still cares. but this time Hes the one cancelling plans to hang out with friends instead. my friend katie put it best when, in response to me telling them this, they sent me:

'kara: totty you have so many friends now. We barely see you anymore.

totty, applying chapstick: well, I learned it from the best.’

when i told them about it. but at the time gwyn and i were babbling about possibilities and different storylines and how theres a possiblity the movie might break down into three manageable plotlines n she gave zaimoku 'popularity’ and this was me throwing out ideas but honestly. Good. (aha, the end of this scenario ended up with todo throwing hands and shoulder checking someone outside a window and then getting removed from the premise n hanging with atsushi all night after) why am i on this. shit what happened here.

uhh but yeah totty is Def someone with learned behaviours rather than being a natural extrovert honestly just look at him hes an introverted mess masquerading as a decent human being and i know full well how people like that are bc some of them have been my best friends for years n seein the new hs promos solidifies that fact bc look at him. Crybaby. He is Miniscule. A Child.

then its 'delinquent who looks like an honour student’ choro. i never studied him until sophie started liking choro n since i love sophie i wanted to take an interest in him too. n i started to think very hard about him! then gwyn planted this in me n its taken root and im just never not gonna think its great. yall see his shitty gokudo impression what a bossy lil shit. he pulled a whip on kara once and it was mad funny but also Gwyns Big Evidence for him just being the absolute worst not like a casually skips class type but a Choro was a legit a bully and really mean n sabatoged other classmates to make him look like he was 100% That Bitch. maybe not him being Mean and cruel but just an asshole who bums around, is something i really like that one a lot its been one of my faves since gwyn n i started talking about it but i just!! have a ton of other things too!!

hes a lot like karamatsu in that theyre both stupid and weird and embarrassing and they put on airs but they also!! dont try!! they talk so big and such high goals n expectations and they dont do shit bc they have so much hubris but i always talk about them bc suiriku is sophies Beloved so ill like. Not. but he acts like he’s better than all of them n forces the role of the straight man on himself because he wants to be seen as the responible, level headed one even if hes just. So Much.

i think the movies calling back to how touchy feely and clingy he was in kun and adding on to how jyushis a delinquent and kara… Is Like That he’ll be around them the most bc jyushi might either be really protective or push him away and then they do something to mend their relationship later on or hell cling to kara and they just. grow apart. sticking to my hc until the end bitches. oh.

for choro… personally!! i thought hed be a slacker instead of a delinquent but not in the way totty slacked - totty was lazy n knew the work but didnt want to put in effort but choro just. Doesnt. choro has so much energy all the time and choro Can Not deal with school situations. bc like… you always hear people say that studying is meant to be done at the desk, silently, no distractions what so ever!! focus on notes and nothing else!! ise a highlighter but dont use it too much!! make your notes legible but you only have five minutes before the board gets erased!! review!!! look at your notes or youll die! take breaks bit dont take too long and honestly. listen. kun choro wouldnt be able to stand that shit and id think hed just think he was doing it The Wrong Way n he just wasnt meant to do it.

he doesnt like quiet classrooms!! he cant study like that and hell get distracted. he cant sit still n thats why totoko broke up w him in the beer ad and why hes just Everywhere in kun!! hes understimulated and its just Ugh! you know??? he’ll fidget w his pens until he breaks them or hum or tap his foot and annoy everyone or leave for the bathroom at least three times a class just to get up and move.

eventually he just. gives up even though hes super smart he like, stops caring bc if you dont care to understand material then you wont have to read and read and reread and rereread something to get it! classes just make everything uncomphrehensible and makes any idea he may have sublimate into nothing. but he can work on the trains and the buses! he needs something kenetic to get him moving and trains n shit always have enough going on to work with, just like with home!! chorochoro motherfuckers. he works much better moving forward, ironic as that is. he feels sorta set apart from every thing like hes behind some big plane of glass doing everything wrong and being all set apart from everything. eventually he takes to acting like a real fussy mom to avoid his own problems and help everyone else out even though hes annoying and even when he graduates but it gets Worse bc then figures out how much!!! he fucked up!! then he kicks himself into high gear n still cant do shit. ahh.

its illegal for me to talk about choukei bc i talk about them so much and im always being annoying n typing stupid essays about them bc theyre… my faves.. But this is so long…

it actually makes me super happy that he kara acne he still can be really fighty and he cries and he still does stupid impulsive shit for others and even though hes really sweet and caring is still an utter monster and fucking mess of a person. love him. i always like to think his shittymatsu nickname came from iyami n it just morphed from there bc in 66 you can hear iyami calling him specifically garbage. ive always been glad they kept his sewing hobby too. ahh, actually from what i see hes pretty similarities to kun so i wonder when he decided to air out that teremity. idk what to say about him that i havent in tottys section. he just Feels like someone who had a good support group and nice friends bc of how hes able to move in the world. kara feels like some whos doing their growing up in their twenties bc highschool came easy to them and now theyre just really struggling with the real world. like i shouldve expected softboy hs kara and i appreciate him very much!! i talk about choukei a lot bc they were the first characters that spoke so i immediately attached myself to them n i talk about karamatsu Specifically but im not sure i ever mentioned how much i appreciated how smart and cautious hes proved himself to be time and time again, like how hes the only one to point out totokos fish shtick aint doing her favours or how he was the first one to notice osos irritation n how you can pick out his voice warning jyushi to calm down in the bg of 24 or how in the comedian episode he was ready to take Notes from iyami and a lot of other small things!!

i would think hes actually a bit more serious n calm in hs and san is him amping up traits that drew people to him in hs and it backfiring on kara spectacularly - kara is always gauging people and their reactions and acting in a way he believes will get something positive, but at the same time is utterly oblivious when it comes to actually Getting them n i talked about the girls on the bridge but this is also prevalent with ichi who kara just. Doesnt Get and can not figure out how to maneuver their relationship. like oso, kara is and elder brother!! and elder brothers have an image theyre supposed to uphold, but while kara acts the part he doesnt do the shit a big brother does and shrugs that responsibility off on oso until oso fucks up until s2, where they share the role more evenly and his relationship with ichi improves but this is another essay entirely. what im trying to get with that is that hyperfocus on what other people think of him, but his complete disregard when it comes to their actual reaction and instead what he wants their reactions to be would also greatly impact him transtioning from a teen to an adult im sorry im getting sloppy now

osomatsu… i really adore him too much and i understand how totty felt in their episode bc i also lent my phone to a friend who needed to desperately jack it before meeting new people n i talk about him a whole lot too. hes mean and an asshole and garbage n i know a lot of people find him plain n boring but idk. i dont think thats the case hes a really complexed n nuanced character n hes literally has always been way back from kun n thats expected from a main character but… hes always been mean n dumb n sly and he can get so pathetically vunerable and thats literally!! him. hes a normal dude nothing wrong with that n it can be real refreshing. n i suppose im so fond of fishing trio+choro bc they remind me of my friends. but yeah even if hes 'plain’ i dont see why thats a bad thing. n this they always have the most interesting body language like despite kara being So Much his body language was always closed off n singled him out as everything But exuberant and bright, and osos quirks like how he stands on his toes a lot had always been so cute… its relaxed and open n screams Talk To Me!!!!

ahh but i always end up thinking oso was. oso??? theres not much to say that i havent before but i do think that he was a lot more like he was in episode 2 when ranting to chibita about having shitty brothers and then actively Chose to be a good brother even if he wasnt a good person and be a stable rock and be someone they could all come back to at the end of the day. and hes good at math im never letting this die.

[meitanreax]

day 4

hi bebu!!

hope you have a good day exploring town tomorrow!! im excited to see what tea and little sights u see ^__^ please send some photos and tea over hehe! i love you lots !! so much, forever, more than anything, with all my heart!!! <3 _ <3 every letter is one step closer to seeing u!! we only have 10 days left WOOO after tomorrow we’ll be in the single digits ^.^

im excited to call u tomorrow!!! also THANKS FOR ADDING SONGS TO THE PLAYLIST LOL majority is still me so u should catch up:3 ive been listening to clear & our playlist next to you, nonstop!!! im probably gonna listen to it a lot too the next day since it’s gonna be a 7-8 hour drive back to my cousin’s house...RIP

so in response to ur challenge: i want u to draw us on the phone talking to each other, u with pupy and me with buny!! or us in japan or us reuniting in the airport...LOL theres a lot of options but ^_^ HEHE U CAN CHOOSE!! here’s my doodle for the first prompt :3 pls send me ur photo when u r done!! i look forward to it!! 

ok!! so here’s for my day!! so i woke up around 530 am cuz of jet lag..and cuz i slept at like 930 LOL so it wasnt too bad!!! i got breakfast and stuff and then left the hotel around ~945 am? here’s some photos before i left!

this is the little garden/plaza in front!! p cute!!!  so literally....like i said our 4 hour drive ended up taking...7 hours..LOL we arrived at like 445 instead of ~130-2 RIP LOL but like i said!! everything that couldve went wrong on the trip, went wrong!! and i was like wtf hmph!!! first the baby yacked, so it was YACK SEAT, and then it was a flat tire!! like bro!! and i kept needing to pee, even worse!!

omg also on the road there was A BUNCH OF “road work ahead” signs and i literally thot of drew gooden’s “road work ahead? uh YEAH, i sure HOPE it does” LOOOL and there was like another sign that said “end road work” and i was like NOOO THE ROAD IS BROKEN NOW LOL

here r some photos i took on the road! we drove through a bunch of little towns idk what was going on and it sucked the road was literally one lane the entire way...LOL and we passed by the ocean at one point!! it was really pretty

we finally arrived around ~445!!! i took some photos of the place we’re at. it’s a place called vigan (pronounced like vegan LMAO) and we’re staying at a bed and breakfast...the wifi is hella jank so i ended up using the fucking hotspot again RIP..oh well at least it works p well ^_^ LOL

i ended up getting my own room with ez!! so i can talk and stuff and do whatever without my parents being loud or annoying LOL (fcking thank god) 

so after we settled down and stuff, we went out to walk around, and see the cobblestone areas, cuz this town is supposed to be an old spanish settlement so they made it more like europe and added cobble stones and stuff, and there are some spanish architecture here!! it’s SOOOO fricking humid though and im fucking DYING i literally started sweating 2 minutes out there

i think this town was actually one of the coolest ive been to in the philippines!! anyways yeah we just walked around looked at the streets and stuff. there was a bunch of horse drawn carriages o.0 and like a lot of tourist pop up shops LOL bro i got annoyed at some r00d filipinos who kept walking in when i was trying to take a photo!! i literally sighed so loud and they looked at me so i think they got the hint LOL ;-; 

but anyways, we walked around, got some water at a 7/11 and i got nutella bueno snacks and pepero and ferero rocher :3 i wanted to get cup noodle but im like hMMM LOL 

here r some cute photos of me that i took today LOL ^.^ just in case u missed my face hehe ( i sure hope u do!! )

after walking around and stuff, bro...we walked to a church and theyre like leTS go InSIDE LOL and im jsut ??? EVERYONE STARTED KNEELING AND PRAYING LOL and im like uh...ok..so i just walked around like i was looking around instead of prayign LKDSJLFKDj dude i found the lil chair the priest sits in during confession and i was gunna sit in it until my dad yelled at me and i was like o

ok

LMFAOOO ;-; i thot it was funny cuz i was speaking through the screen like “helLloOOO” LOL my fucking dumb ass dude!!!

we went back towards the place we were staying at, and then ended up across this cute lil cafe!! 

i also found a CUTE japanese cafe called sweets forest or something and the inside was soo cute there were little vines and flowers everywhere and fairy lights and a little neon sign and i was like sigh ;-; just like cali..and they had japanese crepes!! i wanted to go but my mom was like no we go to church n i was like wtf LOL

but yah across this cafe was a lil bakery, and i got coconut/taro mix ice cream in a lil tub and it was p good!! i gotta say!!

we walked back to our hotel now and now im just chillen here waiting for u hehe :D gonna shower and stuff then just relax!!! excited to talk to u !! thanks for putting in time to wake up early just to talk to me ;_; i rlly appreciate it bebu!!!

ok for tomorrow’s challenge:

do the piccrew drawing :3 LOL also! take photo(s) of something interesting in the town and tell me fun facts or something interesting about it o.0 give me some information!!! be the tour guide :D

thanks for making the break more bearable bebu!! love u so much!! it really warms my heart knowing how much effort we’re both putting into making this work over this long break ;_; im really glad i get to see you soon and i rlly rlly look forward to it!!!! hehe IM EXCITED FOR THE TEAS TOO AND THEN ALSO JUST HOLDING U IN PERSON <3

i love you so much!! forever!! MORE THAN ANYTHING WITH ALL MY HEART BABY!!! i love you soo much!! T-10 DAYS LEFT!!! we got this!!!! POWER THROUGH!!!!! 

[starkissr]

would u look at that I just had my first break down in a rly long time

today I honestly thought that things have never been worse for me. but u fucking know what? fuck my anxieties. fuck my fears. fuck every doubt and insecurity that's been replaying in my mind. I literally don't fucking deserve to put myself thru this emotional turmoil anymore than I already have. Friday started stressful. yesterday I relapsed back into my bad bad habit. I didn't even mean to but I couldn't stop it. I knew I was doing it and I couldn't care less and altho I just realized it but the level of dgaf I was abt it and how it got so bad literally so quick scared the fuck out of me. now I see it meant I didn't care abt myself anymore. I did see it was wrong but I rly didn't trust myself to take care of myself so my plan was to tell my most trusted friend n roommate here abt my problem so she could also look out for me and help me a little n yesterday I thought abt it but brushed it off. today I texted her and told her I needed to tell her something when were alone. I was so proud of myself for telling her that bc I was like ok now I can't back out of it and I rly rly have to speak up abt this. I guess I should've emphasized that it was v important to me but anyway she left before we got a chance to talk and that was yet ANOTHER thing that went wrong. I swear I've heard like just numerically more bad news today than I have in my life I think. everytime something else came up n I thought shit can't get fucking worse another thing would pop up n fucking emotionally destroy me all over again. but this one was so shitty bc this girl is MY GIRL n the only one I feel comfortable enough talking abt this and I even told her how I desperately needed a solid cry 2 n she wasn't fucking here for me when I needed her. I'm not mad at her like she's been thru v srs shit as of late too n ik she was stressed and why we weren't able to talk but it still fucking hurt bc all day when the hot tears would flood my eyes I kept trying to tell them and all my shit thoughts to sh go away. I would tell them at the end of the day u will come flooding out and I would stop torturing myself and not hold anything back and just say out loud every fucking last thing that's going wrong rn but then it would be ok bc at least it'd all be out of my head. so like I said I'm not mad at her bc that would just be selfish of me but I'm still hurt and i hate so much that I don't feel comfortable having that conversation w her anymore. I'm scared that no one here knows that I don't feel like I can take care of myself rn. I actually decided right now that it's ok that I don't wanna tell her anymore. I rly can't force myself to make myself feel uncomf and tell her something that deeply personal when I don't have the desire to anymore. but the only reason why I'm ok w that is I just compromised n I'm gonna go to talk to the psychologist at my school tm. even tho I rly can't afford to waste a fucking second of my time this week I literally have to go tomorrow or I'll never go. I've been telling myself for legit 4 years that I would start seeing someone but when it came down to it I would never go bc I would tell myself it's not like I have any like life or death problems anyway n when I would think abt making an appt since it would be scheduled in like 2 weeks I automatically would assume whatever the issue was would go away by then. but I fucking need to do this for myself so even tho I'm not planning on killing myself or anything I honest to fucking god need immediate attn rn and everytime I would consider doing the emergency mtg b4 I would be like oh I'm taking that time away from someone who honestly might wanna kill themself n since of c my problems aren't nearly as valid as that I would just be wasting everyone's time. but I need to be selfish this once. I need help I know I desperately fucking need it but I fucking can't stand myself that even tho ik that I still feel like I'm not worthy of going and getting the help I need. I'm still gonna make myself go but like shit man I should not be thinking that way abt myself. whatever idk I'll try to work on it

anyway I still rly did need to talk to someone even if it wasn't to tell my secret I still needed to vent abt all the other million things that had just gone to shit. I had a weird thing that wasn't a fight but like we never fight so it was just even weirder that happened w my best friend who I never have a problem spilling my heart and my soul to so that also was like ugh but I still woulda been down to call her until I remembered how she just started grad school n has more going on now than ever and that rn wasn't a good time for her. there's this other girl here who just within like the past couple of weeks I've gotten to know better n we just vibe so I thought abt dumping my shit on her but then I felt stupid bc I was literally just w her all day n of c now after she left I feel like bitching abt all my shit but I was like that's not a good enough reason to not talk to her so I decided to reach out

I honestly dk what I would've done if she hadn't been there for me. if ur actually reading this ridiculous thought process no like I said I wasn't gonna kms but that anxiety attack was sooooo bad n I've had my fair fucking share so I don't say that lightly but regardless I'm sosososoosososo grateful to her for being there n hearing out all my irrational concerns and being patient n eventually talking sense into me. I felt so vulnerable at first bc even tho she already knew abt some of what went down I honestly felt ashamed abt these problems I'm facing n it takes me a while to warm up to ppl and be THAT open even if it may not seem like a big deal to some I'm super private w somethings idk but she was so fucking amazing I even did kinda preface or hint or like not in as srs of a way but still did lightly bring up a lil part of my secret. she prob didn't even know it but that was so cool n felt liberating tbh. I'm so happy bc while we were studying earlier today, in a moment when those tears found my eyes again n I was tryna keep my cool n not bawl my eyes out in the library n just take deep breathes I drew this simple as can be flower at the top of my page with a cute smiley right in the flowers center in an effort to make myself feel better n showed it to her n when I was showing it off I decided i would want nothing more than to have this be my next tattoo. she laughed n we just talked n then I was like no but I'm not kidding I rly am getting it. to me it was so real that I was having a day from literal hell but that lil silly flower smiley lit up my insides n made me feel soooooo happy I can't explain n it was just a nice thing to try to redirect my thoughts to bc I already love flowers but idk this drawing is like literally a stroke of genius idc if it sounds crazy n anyway she looks at it longer n told me she honestly rly liked it too n said she would get it tatted n I told her again like I'm so srs this thing is giving me LIFE n she surprised me n said yeah me too n so we decided we would get matching tats n I thought abt all the past friends who I've had this convo w like obv abt diff tattoos but I was just asking myself if I rly would want to share this lil treat w her n I can't explain how but all the other times I've talked abt getting matching tattoos w good friends it just felt like a game and not real but this felt different. I'm so stoked were gonna do this together n the fact that I'll have one of my own doodles on my skin like I just love every bit of it. n I thought abt how it's gonna be so magical even when we graduate how the same smiley flower on me will go and see the world thru her eyes. she's from Dubai so even tho it's sad we can't live in the same city forever idk I genuinely feel like I'll be connected and there w her no matter where we go. it's unbelievable to me just how much of the same person we are n how close we've gotten so fast I'm so blessed to have her in my life

wow what an experience. hopefully tm is better

[childofthesmoke]

I was tagged by @afewhandshakesaway (thank you so much, by the way! :) ) ages ago in a quisetions thing, and it was still in my drafts when I checked a few minutes ago, so I supose I never actually did it?

I got some new followers recently since I started posting my drawings more and also it’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything with information about me, so I thought it might be interesting for someone, who might have kind of forgotten me or for anyone who has followed me recently? idk

Rules: Answer the following questions then tag 20 people (I’m not gonna tag anyone, because I don’t know who to tag and the people that come to mind have most likely done this already...) 

•How tall are you? 
I haven’t checked this in a long time, but about 160cm. Maybe a cm or two shorter? or 1cm taller? probably like 159cm. idk :D Relatively short. :) •What color and style is your hair? It is dark brown, curly (I’ve even given her a name - Flyufie, which comes from ‘fluffy’ of course) and it’s a little below shoulder length, but shorter than elbow length. I’m trying to grow it as long a possible currently, though. It grows very slowly, so there isn’t much of a danger of it getting too long anytime soon :D •What color are your eyes? 
very dark brown as well. •Do you wear glasses? 
no •Do you wear braces? No and I never have. •What is your fashion sense? Hmmm. Well for pants I usually wear things that are more form fitting than baggy (I don’t like very baggy pants), I like dresses and skirts, though I only have a few and actually don’t wear them as much now that I think about it... Most of my clothes are either one colour or have just a bit of “decoration”, which is either in the form of a plaid shirt, a pattern of black birds in flight on this one gray sweater/blouse I have or this one rose filled skull on a red sweater/blouse I have (which interestingly I didn’t like at first and thought was waaaay out of my style but it’s one of my favourite clothes now. The nice red colour also has a lot to do with it though). Uuuumm. Idk how to explain my style. It’s nothing too flashy and it’s not especially girly I guess. To me it’s kind of cute, regular urban style. Most of my clothes are  blue, white, red, black or pink I’ve noticed.  •Do you have any siblings? Yes. I have an older sister, who is 5 years older than me. And I also have a half sister, who is over 10 years older than me and we’ve barely ever seen each other ever. So I usually don’t really count her much to be honest... •What kind of student are/were you? Currently, in universiy, my tuition is quite high, so I’m trying to get scholaships and that has a role in me trying very hard to have the best grades possible. so I’m not very ‘free’ to be the kind of student I feel like being... So for thins I will try to explain high school me.  I was a good student. Mostly had very good grades, though occasionally had some not as good times. I tried to take part in the classes I was interested in and most of what I learned, I learned it in class. I didn’t to my homework very strictly, but I still tried to mostly do it. When I was bored in class I would usually doodle and in the cases where I could get away with it - listen to music. Radiohead only, lol (Not even kidding. The only variety was either AMOK or The Eraser). I tried to be quiet if I was talking to my friend and if I wasn’t paying attention I made it so as not to bother anyone with my boredom. I really hated the people who would talk loudly and make it everyone’s business that they were bored. And who would act rude to the teachers. That’s not to say I didn’t have a couple of times when I wasn’t as quiet... Speaking of teachers, most seemed to like me and say I’m a good kid. My friend who had worse grades than me used to tell me I was smart and good at subjects, when actually most of the time I didn’t put too much effort into studying. So in my eyes I thought I was an average/good student, who tried to be on a good level, but since most of the people around me didn’t bother much, I ended up being one of the best in the class. And in a few subjects especially. English was one of the subjects I was best at, actually. And tumblr was one of my main ways to practice. Not that I set it as goal or anything, but it just ended up being this way, so I thought I should credit it :D •What are your favorite subjects? If I had to choose from the ones I had in high school, I would say english, biology and sometimes literature and physics. I got into art on my own. School didn’t do anything to make me interested in it. But I remember that this one time in music class the teacher played something on the piano, and that had an impact on me wanting to try it out myself. •What are your favorite tv shows? If you’re asking about shows I watch regularly, than the anwer is that I moslty watch anime. It had a big part in me deciding to pursue animation (and with that, art... though I wanted to draw since I was little. I just didn’t have anyone to teach me and I thought it was all “talent”), so yeah... But there are shows, which I would watch if I catch them on tv or something. I remember binge watching Doctor Who a few years ago and I liked it a lot, though I barely remember anything from it at this point. W.i.t.c.h. is an all time favourite of mine. Naruto is my anime bae, due to being the only thing I’ve watched for like 5-10 years and growing up with it (and also it’s just good. Despite the counltess fillers and some little flaws). I’m enjoying Boruto, too. Ummm... Avatar was also quite great. (both the series with Aang and with Korra). Mmmmyeah, I guess these will do. •Favorite books? 
I don’t know. I don’t remember tittles and authors and I haven’t read that much anyway... But the last one I read was Hotel by... aaahhh, it was this famous author, I’m sure google search would do the work, but this exactly what I meant by not remembering authors. But yeah, it was a good read. •Favorite pastimes? Walking around when the weather is good, drawing, watching anime or stuff on youtube. And if I’m at my boyfriend’s place, cuddling and talking about stuff. And laughing. Laughing is always great. •Any regrets? Not really. I like the person I am and I’ve gone through periods in which I’ve changed and gotten to know myself better and it all feels logical and right. For the longest time I used to regret not gathering up the courage to tell my first big crush (5 years. from 3rd grade to 7th. And a few years after, getting over him) that I liked him and asking him if he ever felt anything for me. I would regret not saying ‘fuck it’ and not care what people think of me, like myself more and not try to fit in so hard and just face him. But regretting that is pointles, and also it would be me blaming past me for not doing something she just wasn’t able to do. I had to go through all the stuff I’ve gone through to get to where I am, so I don’t think I regret anything. I guess I wish some things hadn’t happened, but oh well. I’m still curous what would have happened ‘if’, but I guess I’ll never know. •What is your dream job? Working for the animation studio of the people, whose course I’m currently taking. They are so nice and such cool people and I get hyped about animation when I’m there and they explain well and they’re still a very young studio (also the people there all seem to be quite young!) and they have this project for an animated series, which just looks SO. COOL. and I want it to be successful and I want the studio to be successful and just be part of it all and help and have some part in that success. And yeah. I still don’t know which position to aim for, but I know that’s the place I want to be at and those are the people I want to work with. And it actually seems like it could happen, so that’s really great. •Do you want to get married?
 Yes. Some day. In the future. Just thinking about it gives me anxiety, though. Mostly because of having to organize everything and having it be a super special day, that I’m scared there might be something to make it not as perfect... And other reasons. But yeah, in theory, yes. I like it as an idea I think. Though it still feels a bit weird. I guess I just feel too young for that. •Do you want to have kids and how many? Yes, two. •How many countries have you visited?
  I don’t know. Not countring my home country (Bulgaria) that would be Greece, Macedonia, Romania, Italy, France, Serbia... And a few more, but mostly just the Balkans. The furthest I’ve gone is France and I’ve only been in Paris for 6 days, so I don’t feel like I’ve seen much of the country at all. •What’s the scariest dream you’ve had?
 Hmmm... Well there was this one time I had a dream that I was in a cave and I was going out through a hole when suddenly the cave formed around me and I was stuck and couldn’t move at all, the rock was sooo hard. That was pretty scary, especially since I have claustrophobia. But also any dreams with snakes are hella scary for me. I’ve had a few where there were snakes everywhere and I had to try not to step on any but they were all over the place. That’s always really horryfying for me. •Do you have any enemies? 
I don’t think I do. I usually try to be nice to everyone and if someone doesn’t like me, I doubt they have a reason to hate me enough to be my enemy. •Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes. <3

[unicorn-collection]

Can You Help Me With #12

Haechan fluff/slight angst Word count: 1826

Description: can you do a high school!au for mark or haechan bc idk who will i choose(bc i love both of them)😁감사합니다~~ -anon

I sat in the middle of the classroom as the room began to fill with students. Though the bell was two minutes away from ringing, my seat mate, Haechan, still hadn't arrived yet. Right as the bell rang he slipped into his seat. Luckily the teacher walked in seconds after he was settled into the seat. "I thought you were going to be late." I whispered as the teacher had his back to us. "I'm always on time." He sat back with a smug look. I rolled my eyes in response. 

Our morning classes were finally over and it was time for lunch. "Finally." Haechan sighed, stretching his legs in front of him and putting his hands behind his head. "Were you even paying attention to the lessons?" I asked, remembering seeing him doodle most of the time. "It doesn't matter, you'll just help me later anyway." He did have a point. Every week after school, we would go to library to work on homework since I was his tutor. "But you can at least put in some effort." Before he could say anything, one of his upperclassmen friends, Mark, called him from the hallway. Without giving me a second glance he left his seat. Him and Mark started joking with each other as they made their way to the cafeteria. Rather than leaving for the cafeteria as well, I opened one of the textbooks ready to dive in. I needed a full grasp on the material before I could help Haechan. I waited for Haechan outside at the end of the day. A good half an hour past our usual meeting time, I saw his group of friends leaving the school. They slowly made their way over towards where I stood with my arms folded and a glare. "What's wrong with you?" Haechan asked as though he didn't know he was the root of my frustrations. "You were half an hour late." "But I'm here now." "Whatever." I rolled my eyes and headed in the direction of the library. Though I did turn my head slightly to ensure that Haechan was following. He said his goodbyes to his friends and slowly trailed behind me. Once at the library, we settled into one of the personal rooms so I can talk to him without disturbing anybody. "So then you need to take the square root of both sides to isolate x." He threw his pencil down in frustration. "Why do I care what x equals? Huh? This is not going to be useful later in life!" "Knowing basic algebra actual will be useful in life." He huffed in annoyance. "How about we take a break for a second? Give you some time to cool your brain. Your phone's been going off like crazy anyway." Haechan pulled out his phone and started texting people as I worked on my homework. "Okay time to move on." I scooted closer to him again. "Here." I said giving him the homework sheet. "Work through some of these problems based off what we did in the example." He quickly went to work while I worked on a different class. Things seemed to be going well for him because he didn't ask for any help. "Can you help me with number 5?" Spoke too soon. "Sure." I leaned over to see what he was talking about. Though as I was going through the problem, I felt a pair of eyes on me. I turned in his direction and I found Haechan looking down over at me. When he noticed I was looking back, he quickly shifted his eyes back to the paper. "So...do you know what to do?" He asked with a slight cough. I quietly giggled at his shyness. That was a side of Haechan you didn't usually see. I began to explain to him all the steps and fixed any of his mistakes from previous questions. Within 2 hours we were finished up. "Do you feel slightly better now?" "Yep. Thanks, you always help me with this stuff." Haechan was always different when we had our sessions together. He was more quiet and relaxed, I liked him when he was like this. Since I had piano class right after school, we met at the the library the next week for our lessons. "I'll call you back." Haechan said quickly when he saw me enter the private room. "Who was that?" "No one!" He answered. "Yeah cause that's not suspicious. You've got some new girl?" I asked jokingly. "Maybe." His answer took me by surprise. Normally he would have just huffed telling me to shut up. It would be a lie to say I wasn't slightly disappointed. Spending alone time with Haechan showed me there is more to him then his arrogant, obnoxious self. "Oh." I sat down next to him. "Well she isn't mine exactly yet, but I'm hoping she'll say yes to me soon." He smiled going into more detail. I nodded slightly. "Good for you. Can I ask who she is?" "She's really smart and always willing to put out a helping hand." His smile grew brighter as he thought about her. "Though sometimes she acts like she doesn't like me so I don't know what she's going to say if I were to ask her out." I looked over at him. It looked like he really liked this girl. "I'm sure she'll say yes." His eyes suddenly widened, "You sure!? Well here goes nothing. Y/N do you want to go out with me?" Now it was my turn to widen my eyes. I did not expect him to be talking to me. "I-I-...wha- I.." I started blabbering, not sure how to answer. Sure he could be annoying at times but when we were alone, he was so sweet and gentle. "It's fine. You don't have to say anything." He put his head down in disappointment. "No!" I shook my head "I mean yes. I would like to go out with you." A face splitting smile broke out on his face before he pulled me into a bone crushing hug. "Thank you thank you thank you!" "Wait if you were talking to me, who were you on the phone with?" "Oh Mark hyung was giving me some courage before I asked you out." "Ahhh. Now let's hit the books." His smile quickly dissolved into a groan. ----

It's been two months since Haechan asked me out. After the third date he asked me to be his girlfriend. We both walked up to my doorstep. "I really had a lot of fun tonight." I said turning around to face him. He nodded in agreement while stuffing his hands in his pockets. As I turned to open my door, he quickly stopped me. "Wait Y/N! I have something I want to ask you." He walked up so that we were on the same step. "Will you be my girlfriend?" I grinned before nodding yes. He smiled too before leaning into a kiss. His lips locked gingerly with mine. The quick kiss soon ended when he pulled away to look at me again. "You should go inside." I nodded my head and unlocked the door. Before fully closing the door I looked at him again. "Goodnight girlfriend." "Goodnight boyfriend." After closing the door, I leaned against it with the world's widest smile on my face. "Hey nerd." Haechan said before sitting down next to me. I sulked at him playfully before he held my hand under the desk. I was happy with Haechan, but if there's one thing I could complain about it was the fact that he didn't want our relationship known. He didn't even tell any of his friends except his closest friend Mark. He made it seem as though he was embarrassed of me and I was slowly reaching my breaking point "Hey Haechan!" I heard someone yell from the hallway. He quickly dropped my hand as one of his many upperclassmen friends beckoned him to the hallway. "I'll be back babe." He whispered while getting up. I didn't see him again until the second bell rang. I couldn't allow him to do this to me anymore. When he tried to rest his hand on my knee under the table, I moved out of his way. He looked over at me as I continued to write down what the teacher was saying. He quickly got the message and stayed to his side of the desk until the last bell of the day. Haechan usually left before me but this time, I quickly gathered my things and headed for my locker. I could feel his questioning stare as I passed through the classroom's door. After gathering all my things, I headed outside, passing by our usual meeting place after school. He must have been waiting for me there because I heard his voice calling after me as I continued to walk away. When he finally caught up, he tried to place his hand on my shoulder but I shrugged him off. "Why are you avoiding me? Why won't you let me touch you?" He asked after me. "Why can't people know about us?" I countered. "What are you too embarrassed to have me as your girlfriend? Is that it?" He stared back at me. "I just didn't want to tell the whole world. I wanted to keep this to ourselves." "Yeah well I don't like it. Pretending that I'm only your tutor, holding my hand under the table for no one to see. Frankly, if you don't want anybody to know, how about we just stop all together. At least then we won't be pretending." I walked away in frustration. The next day, I tried to avoid Haechan as much as possible. Though it was kind of hard when we were seat mates in some of our classes. While waiting for the teacher, a girl came over and sat directly on Haechan's desk. "Hey Channie." I rolled my eyes at the nickname. "How come a cute boy like you doesn't have a girlfriend already." She said while twirling her hair and batting her stupid eyes. I tried to scoot away from the disgusting scene when Haechan spoke up. "I do have a girlfriend." I look back over to see the girl slightly shocked. "Since when?! Who?" "Since 2 months ago. She's right here." He reached over lacing our hands together as he put in the air. Just as the icing on the cake, he also leaned over and placed a kiss on my cheek. He turned back to the other girl. "Can you get your butt off my homework." She quickly got up, "Whatever." She tried feigning indifference as she walked back to her seat. "Better?" Haechan asked, kissing my knuckles. "Better." I nodded. "Good. Now help me with number 12. I'm completely lost." I laughed at his puppy dog eyes before pulling out our textbook.

[goldenscript]

badboy!wonwoo

meet jeon wonwoo

he’s actually a really great artist like his parents got him a lil blank note book with yknow crayons and stuff and he used to go ham on it like all the time

as he grew up, it became his outlet to getting thru life bc even as a kid he was pretty intimidating and it wasn’t like he was very outgoing anyway so it affected the way other kids treated him

they always shunned him, telling him to go away and often equated him to that kid from the ring when it came out so he just stayed away from people and lived in his own bubble

art was a companion that could never shun him

however art also became a detrimental coping mechanism so excessively to the point where he was often doodling instead of completing his schoolwork so the only way his teachers could think to get him out of this mindset was reprimanding him for it

of course, it had an opposite effect

he continued to do as he pleased, becoming a lot more stubborn in the time that he was ostracized by his peers for not finding enjoyment in the same things as them and the older he got, the more this mindset became ingrained in him 

no matter what art was an important part of his life and no one was going to take that away from him

inevitably, wonwoo found interest in different forms of art from paint to colored pencils

but his ultimate favorite art form was graffiti

there was a united front about the way other graffiti artists in the ways each of them made their art their own, formulating their own stories without establishing an actual face

the artist was who they made themselves out to be. not rumors or stories about a boy who had no friends aside from the paintbrushes held between clenched fingertips 

and for him, he became someone more than just that weird looking grudge boy kid

he was someone.... he belonged somewhere

throughout high school, he developed a persona called jeon. given that’s his last name, he formulated this just for the sake of vaguieness and cuz he couldn’t really think of anything else LOL

so jeon is someone who battles his demons with a stare, kinda like medusa but he doesn’t turn them to stone. he turns them into paintings

he memorializes them for what they really are- mean people, demons, scary stuff only little kids dream of and for the most part, they become a hit to his graffiti buds and for anyone who is everyone (though those who aren’t in the graffiti community have no actual clue that this cool dude is wonwoo even if they share a surname)

this goes on for some time, even into wonwoo’s final year of high school where he’s graduating cuz mingyu, his new bff and only friend, encourages him after he told the older boy how he wanted to go to the city for school and it motivated wonwoo to spread his wings from his small town and wander ya know?

around the time when he’s integrating into college life with mingyu and their other friends scoups and vernon, he actually continues jeon throughout seoul city in subtle ways though not many people recognize it

anyway, with being in college, his maternal aunt sends her son aka his cousin, jeon jeongguk over just to experience some of the college life. she wanted wonwoo to show the younger jeon how college is beneficial even for misfits like himself (passive aggressive way of going abt it but wonwoo is just like “ok whateves”)

although it makes mingyu whiny that they have to lug around a kid who’s only two years younger and just as lanky and tall lol, wonwoo doesn’t mind showing his cousin around the city and letting him touch his stuff and eventually jeongguk discovers wonwoo’s sketchbook snippets of jeon and he gets all “??? what’s this??” finally an interest piqued in their time spent together and wonwoo lets him in on the secret after seeing how into the art his cuzzo is

as wonwoo explains the piece, jeongguk is so immersed and interested, he actually gets into the whole bit, wanting to do his own kind of art form bc he’s always enjoyed doodling and well, wonwoo can’t resist so he agrees to teach his cousin the craft

they go out to the tunnels near this abandoned train, just spraying around but enjoying themselves as twilight breaks and it’s nearly pitch black (though they have flashlights to help them out), jeongguk makes up a persona called kookie

he says he’s kind of like jeon but the art he memorializes highlights the good possibilities, that there’s light in darkness and he turns around those shitty monsters so they can be happy 

it’s cute really and wonwoo loves it cuz his cuzzo is happy too

unfortunately, there’s a patrol cop on the prowl trying to get his mitts on people like wonwoo and he sees small lights emitting from the tunnels and the two get caught tho wonwoo is quick to shut his light off, shutting guk’s off and telling the younger boy to run until he’s a safe enough distance that wonwoo feels relieved 

they decide not to go out for a while, hoping to avoid the same situation they suffered thru

but guk’s not done. he has more to add, and well, bc he went alone, he nearly gets caught before he sprints off and calls his cousin in fear and panic bc he doesn’t know what to do and fuck he rlly doesn’t want to go to jail or something 

and well, wonwoo can barely register his actions before he goes to the very tunnel and makes it blatantly obvious that he’s the one “defacing” the wall and he gets the blame for “kookie” 

he gets put on community service duty, forced to clean up the “vandalism” and set a 700 dollar fine that he knows his family can’t pay

of course his family doesn’t want to help, only wishing for him to learn from his mistakes and be an adult so he gets a job at the local convenience store and although he isn’t allowed to talk to jeongguk, his younger cousin feels awful, trying to keep in contact with wonwoo despite having to cut all ties with him

and that small convenience store is where you and him meet actually

it’s your second year at the university like wonwoo and as part of your work-study program, you decide to take up a position at the nearby convenience store since it’s close to your dorm and you really didn’t want to work at the sporting goods store on campus

going there, wonwoo is at the register, looking pretty bored and when he sees you, his eyes go a little wide before he asks if you’re y/n bc he’ll be training you and you agree only flushing a little bc wow he’s pretty cute and holy shit he looks intimidating (well at least until he starts trying to “train” you)

to say the least, wonwoo is only a little flustered by you bc holy shit you’re so nice to him

you don’t care if he’s too quiet or too shy sometimes and if anything you make it blatantly obvious that you like talking to him and he doesn’t get that at all

but bc of this mild confusion from him, it’s a steady burn for you two actually get to know one another but like most burns it’s an ache that soothes the coldest of hearts and it’s exactly that for him

you two will talk about your majors and what you like and he gets happy when he hears you gush about art especially pieces that obviously mean something 

don’t get even him started when you say you like banksy work and even these subliminal pieces you catch on the street aka his cuz he actually didn’t realize how mini jeon pieces would catch anyone’s eyes and yeah he gets unbelievably happy to see you talk about it with wonder

it’s really cute bc your training goes on for two weeks and he’s made it an unconscious effort to walk you to the dorms after closing

even afterwards, he still continues to walk you 

he can’t explain why even when you ask but it’s something he does and he continues when you make no moves to protest against it and he can’t help but smile to himself abt that

for some reason, he can’t get you out of his mind 

maybe it’s the nice gestures or the fact that you like his art or something but there’s something about you that gives him this swell of emotion he hasn’t felt since he created jeon tbh

you’re so new and different to him and for all the kindness you show him he’s truly grateful 

he isn’t sure how to express it tho especially when even talking to you is still new for him so he actually asks his friends for help

seungcheol told him to just let you know how he feels 

(wonwoo: hell no)

vernon: ummm.... idk bro 

(wonwoo: (-: thanks.... Bro)

mingyu: KISS THEM IN THE RAIN

(wonwoo: you punk what the-)

the ironic part: so, one day when you two are working together and it’s nearly time to go, it actually begins to rain and this moment where he shrugs off his leather jacket and drapes it above your heads as you wait for the rain to cease beneath the thin canopy, you look up at him with those fluttery eyes and his breath just catches in his throat and you glance at his lips, biting at yours with conflict in your eyes and suddenly-

you kiss him

you just do it after you release your lip

and he’s all red in the face trying to make sense of it before you start apologizing and he has to stop you, practically dropping his jacket on you which he apologizes profusely over

“d-dammit, i’m sorry god i’m a klutz... that kiss just rlly got to me cuz i wanted to kiss you and you just kissed me and holy shit did i just say that am i still talking why am i still tal-”

you hop on your tip toes and peck his lips once more and smile “well i’m glad i kissed you, wonwoo... i rlly like you” 

and he’s just in awe like wow YOU LIKE HIM TOO and naturally y’all go out on a date but one insecurity about him that he still hasn’t mentioned to you is the fact that he got busted for graffiti and that’s why he’s at the convenience store

he always danced around the subject so now that you two have become even closer, he finds it hard to admit to his crime bc before it never mattered when no one else really mattered to him as much as you do...

it really upsets him when that cop who busted him sees him and starts messing with him in front of you on your date together and although you’re confused he actually doesn’t tell you anything about it

no phone calls, no texts, and when he calls in sick from work that following weekend, you’re determined to figure out what happened

so you hunt down mingyu and ask him where wonwoo is, he tells you where the dorm is bc he knows that you mean a lot to wonwoo if he was that upset abt you knowing why he was working so when you get there you use mingyu’s key and searching for wonwoo who’s hiding in his bed 

not that he’s noticed you yet

his hair’s a mess and he actually looks paler than usual 

you can see in his hands are holding a black leather bound sketch book and he’s doodling away, possibly trying to cope and you sigh

when he hears your voice, he freezes up, trying to burrow away in his blankets until you stop him and try to get him to open up to you bc dammit you care so damn much abt him and him trying to push you away will only bring you back trying to smash that damn shell of his harder

until finally he relents and tells you abt what happened and you just hug him, telling him to move over and you lay beside and ask why he didnt want you to know that

and yeah he’s surprised you’re not condemning him to hell like so many other people have but he can’t help but cling to you as he replies “it’s not the most optimal thing you tell your significant other yknow”

you shrug, giving him a squeeze

“Well you can tell me anything and i’ll accept you, wonwoo. i promise” 

from then, he’s a lot more open with you tbh

he’ll show you sketches about jeon and you make him tell you every story he has about those ones just because you love to hear his voice

you don’t really mean to be so forceful with him but it takes prompting for him bc he gets so scared that you’ll reject his ideas but when you don’t he gets so confident and happy, he’s like a puppy 

on your dates he likes to doodle on napkins and you collect every single one

one time he just doodles a mash potato monster and you kept it in a scrapbook with the rest of the doodles and he just giggled at the sight

on your anniversary he actually drew an companion for jeon named miss jae. although she wasn’t battling monsters, she helped him with her powers of support and light 

as a surprise he actually took you out to a different spot and graffiti’d the two together and it was just the sweetest thing ever 

it’s his way of saying “i love you” and even when you complain that you have no super talent like this he still grins and says “yes you do. just say that and i’m all yours” 

(he’s a closet greaseball y’all)

the rest of the boys were rlly happy to see how happy you made wonwoo, even inviting you to one of their shows where you discovered yet another talent of his 

and you couldn’t help but gush about him bc of it

sometimes to people at the store, to his friends, to his mom (who loves you btw), and basically anyone who listens 

even when he’s begging you to stop with pink cheeks, you just grin up at him and say “no way. you’re amazing and everyone should know it. EVERYONE”

those are the times he likes to shut you up with a kiss