#idk why i wanted to make a tumblr post about this. mainly cuz it connects to the neurodivergent thing ig
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chemicalarospec · 6 months ago
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I didn't perceive myself as a Weird Kid (and honestly if other kids did, they didn't make a problem of it), but I have one really strong memory that reveals to me that Something was always up with me (so this is kind of related to my theory about my undescribed neuro-difference):
In second grade I played soccer and in all the games every single girl (why were sports gendered even before puberty...) would crowd around the ball no matter where it was on the field. Now, I have never been an expert in sports, but I did know that was not the way soccer was normally played (probably because of my experience with foosball tbh) -- so what I did is I would hang back to play defense for my team when the ball inevitably got kicked out of the mosh pit (I think if the ball was on my side I would just go the to the mob, or maybe go ahead to bolster any turns in fate?). I have no clue if there were goalies in these games, but I do remember that sometimes I would "give in" and stand at the fringes of the mob because I was the only person not crowding the ball on the field and felt very self-conscious. (I did experience occasional vindicating success with this tactic but overall, well, I didn't enjoy soccer enough to come back the next year.)
The exasperation with others, the solitude (particularly on the edges of a crowd), the trying to be strategic and thinking ahead of others, the tension between my commitment to Being Yourself and desire to not Stick Out In A Bad Way -- well, if I was in a book, this would be almost-too-perfect a character-establishing scene. Also, gosh, people would call me insufferable-- y'all, I'm the teen girl "unlikable protagonist" of my own life. I've been like the Asshole Genius Dude archetype before I even recognized the archetype... Don't worry guys, I am actually quite pro-social these days, I am always promoting goodwill towards fellow humans, and I'm only mid-smart.
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roanofarcc · 3 years ago
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Okay honestly yes I can’t wait for more Suzie!! She was adorable. Honestly if they have Dustin mingle with someone from Hawkins/high school I kinda want it to be as more of a friends thing. Like I know we talked about how the party really only talks and is friends with each other but seeing Dustin have another friend would be so wonderful. Especially because we had the Steve and Dustin development and like I want to see the more protective side of their friendship. Like I can kinda just see Dustin making friends with people who are kind to him but then those kids aren’t actually that nice and are a bad influence on Dustin. And I kinda just want Steve to be full on protective mode and try to explain to Dustin what’s happening (so we can see more of wise Steve because I want that). And help Dustin figure it out and then we have the same protectiveness of Dustin. Like the kids says some bad things about Steve and the party and that’s what gets him. It’s what makes Dustin finally snap and be fucking pissed. And then we have a sweet moment with him and the rest of the party and Steve also Robin and Erica. Idk cuz I think they played up the Steve and Dustin dynamic (and I want to see them separate for some of the season) but I think season 3 played more on the silly side of their friendship. When the reason people/audience actually liked them was because of their sweet and sensitive way with each other. Like how Dustin was kinda always so proud of Steve (with the ‘he’s awesome’ line) and Steve kinda tried to help Dustin out as much as he could. Their friendship wasn’t completely based on humor but they played it off as mainly humorous in season 3. (Like how I was talking about with the whole Dustin making fun of Steve for not winning a fight,etc). Don’t get me wrong I definitely loves their scenes like the handshake and trying to get into the vents (that was hilarious!). However, the couple of times that we have the type of seriousness with them (like them finishing each other’s sentence and being on the same wavelength of ‘oh the Russians could have opened the gate and it could be connected.’) it’s mixed in with the chaotic atmosphere around them and in the next scene it’s played off as humorous. This somehow became a Steve and Dustin analysis in a way which idk how I got there but.
Idk why there’s such a huge space here but ignore it. And yeah I really do think that they should wrap up the whole ‘king Steve’ thing especially because in cannon/timeline it would be actually about 2 and 1/2 years between that (I believe. I forget the time line for season 4 I just know it’s spring break sooo) Like you said everything has kinda been done with that one story. Like you said he made his amends and said he’s multiple sorrys. So yeah I am also really hoping they focus more on his adult storyline. I really do want to see him taking on full responsibility because I already feel like he believes that these people are his responsibility. However, now it is just amped up because he is legit the oldest person to know the secret in Hawkins. Because also I feel like this storyline makes the most sense. No one of the adults is left so I feel like it makes sense and totally fits Steve’s character to become the full on adult and take that responsibility.
Also last little thing but lol I just saw your max and Steve mood board and I love it. Because we are besties and you helped a lot with it. I am telling you amazing news: I am posting my first mood board on tumblr!!! It will already be out by the time you see this sooo if you want to check it out you can!!
aw yes I hope we get to see the more brotherly more heartfelt side of steve and dustin's relationship this season. like you said, I kind of what them to a little more disconnected this season because we've seen a lot of their dynamic and it would be nice to see them interact with more characters. however, we know they'll be together at the creel house so I'm hoping for some funny but a more sensitive relationship between them that really plays into their whole big brother/little brother dynamic. especially with like the danger aspect of it all, like everyone is speculating that the hawkins bunch with have the darker story line this season (which I hope so because seeing the scoops troop with the more dark/intense/serious story is all I want) so that opens up a lot of possibilities for some interaction with steve and dustin that's not based just on humor.
I think that would be the best way to take steve's arc too, is to turn him from this typical lover-boy jock, to a kind of comedic fresh out of high school kid who doesn't know what he's doing with his life, and finally to someone who steps up when the world's falling apart again. like I still want him to be dorky and lovable, obviously, but just with more responsibility than he's ever had before. and that would fix into his whole moping around in the beginning of season 3 when robin tells him to "just be himself/ be honest" or whatever the line was when he's trying to flirt with those girls, and he goes on to talk about how his dad forced him to get that job and he didn't get into college and etc. it would bring that whole idea back around and prove, like, to himself that he is doing something important with his life (even if it is as unconventional as saving the world from monsters and keeping a bunch of high school freshman alive lol). there's a lot of ways that his character could go and I really hope they do him justice. I also hope they don't kill him :( like I doubt they would in season 4 because he is a fan favorite, but season 5 is fair game I fear. I worried their gonna actually do a really good job maturing his character and then kill him off in the finale and emotionally I will not recover from that lol
also!!! I loved your moodboard!!! it was so cute and so vibe-y :)
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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago
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Survey #298
“i don’t like what i am becoming  /  wish i could just feel something”
Do you have sensitive skin? Very. Do you wear necklaces or earrings more? Just my tragus piercing, really. I only ever wear a necklace sometimes if I'm taking a "nice" picture. Rings or bracelets? I currently don't wear any bracelets, but I do always have one ring on. How many toilets are in your house? Two. Is your current crush younger than you? By just a couple years. Are you a lighter complexion than your father? Yes; he's very tan, especially his arms from being a mailman. Ranch or barbeque sunflower seeds? I don't like sunflower seeds. Do you know the first five books of the Bible in order? No. Do you have a pet fish? Nah, they're not my thing. Do you believe being gay is a choice or a "disorder"? Neither; I believe it's a genetic mutation. It defies biology and the very motive for life, but I always say that a mutation does not, in any way, equate to "wrong." I am extremely adamantly pro-gay rights and bisexual myself, so I can't shit-talk it. What are some of your favourite sounds? Crunching leaves, rain gently tapping on windows, windchimes, birdsong... mainly nature sounds. There are others, I'm just blanking right now. Are you a warm weather or cold weather person? Cold, 100%. What time do you wake up? What for? This spans over a massive gap, honestly... I can wake up as early as 5 or as late as 9:30. Most often, it's pretty early, and I call that my "trial" of being awake, lol... because I will almost without fail go back to sleep for a couple more hours. Hell, that happens even if I sleep on the later side. Do you ever listen to music to fall asleep to? I used to do that in middle and maybe some of high school, I think; I'd fall asleep with my iPod on and earbuds in. I haven't done that in a very long time, though. Could you spend the rest of your life with someone who had bad taste in music? ... Yes? Their taste in music has nothing to do with them as a person???? Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for? No, and it's best I don't. Have you ever wanted to get drunk and get your mind off everything? Yes, and that's how I found out I'm far from a lightweight. I wasn't going to drink more than I actually wanted to drink just to get wasted. Did you love playing hide and seek as a kid? Yeah. Who is the last child you held? My youngest niece. Have you ever woken up not knowing where you were? Maybe for a few moments after my surgery? I don't really recall. When is the last time you made the wrong choice in anything? Every fucking day when I decide what to do with my time. What is the most interesting thing in the room you are in? My snake, I guess. She's a champagne morph ball python. When washing your hands, do you wet your hands or put soap on first? I put on soap first. When was the hardest you ever cried? What was the circumstance? Probably when Mom literally dragged me home after I tried to walk to Jason's to talk the night of the breakup. I lost my fucking mind. Which gift cards do you have in your wallet? I don't think I have any. Coke or Pepsi? Coke. I hate Pepsi. What is better: cute smile, or amazing eyes? A cute smile. What song are you listening to? "Drilled a Wire Through My Cheek" by Blue October is on currently. Name your best friend(s): Sara. Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars? Nope. Last night you felt? I wasn't suicidal, but still kinda wanted to die lmao. Do you still watch Disney channel? No. How do you like your eggs? I only enjoy them scrambled, and preferably with cheese. What’s your all-time favorite song? "False Flags" by Massive Attack. If you could be any TV character, who would you be and why? Idk, I don't watch TV enough. Maybe Donna from That '70s Show. Very strong and independent, outspoken, and not to mention she has great taste. I find her to be a good female character to look up to. Do you ever come up with really good ideas for stories or movies? Do you do anything with them? Yeah; I'll try to integrate them into RP characters and plots. What sort of things do you post on your Tumblr? Vintage photos, screen caps, girly things? It's a Markiplier cesspit lmao. Sometimes I'll reblog shit I find funny. I've been very inactive on it, though. Have you ever had a dream that you couldn’t shake, even for days after you woke up? Oh yes. When was the last time you felt like a nuisance, or unwanted? Recently, I'm sure. When was the last time your dreams were crushed, or at least hindered? I dunno. How’s school going? I'm not in school. Are you angry at anyone right now? Myself. The last person to say they loved you? Mom. When is the last time you laughed hard? Hard? I'm really not sure. Are there any words on your shirt? No, it's just a blank black tank. Does it take a lot to make you cry? NOPE. Do you tell your parents everything? No. Do you get bored easily? I'm bored to the point of thinking being dead would be more fun at some point almost every day. I have anhedonia badly. I'm honestly starting to think I've over-medicated to a numbing degree so am trying to wean off some things. Have you ever burned someone's picture? No. How long was your last nap? Maybe three hours? I was really, really tired, though. Can you name the last time you felt happy? Probably when Sara and I talk-talked for the first time in a while. When was the last time you played with sidewalk chalk? Oh, I have zero clue. Probably not since I was a kid. Do you have friends obsessed with World of Warcraft? Bro wtf don't @ me. Have you ever punched a hole in the wall? No. Have you ever told someone you hated them? The only time I've seriously said that was to my dad before we reconciled after the divorce. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to? I actually don't remember... Favorite thing to do on Facebook? See The Memes. Do you wear flip flops, regardless of weather, all the time? I SAID don't @ me. What is in store for your future? I both do and don't want to know. Have you ever seen a live bat? Yeah. I adore bats. Do you chew on straws? No. Do you have any trophies? Yeah. Who’s the last person that creeped you out? Some guy who walked into the store I was at with Mom, continuously looking back and forth. Would you believe an ex if she/he said they love you? Well, that would depend on the person. Have you ever been kissed in the rain? Yeah. Anything exciting happening soon? My half-sister and her kids are visiting tomorrow and staying for a few days. It's a surprise for Mom. Do you keep a diary or journal (offline or online)? You could say these surveys kinda are. I don't have a designated "diary," though. When was the last time you took a painkiller? What was it for and did it work? I had womanly issues a few days back, and yeah, it helped. Have you ever had to go and rescue someone because their car broke down? When was the last time that happened? I mean, I've driven /with/ Mom to do so. I myself don't drive. What’s one sweet/candy you miss from your childhood? Is this item something you can still buy or has it been discontinued? Y'all remember Baby Bottle Pops??? 'Cuz I do, and I love those fuckin things. I still see them sometimes in gas stations. When was the last time you used some kind of moisturiser? A few days back for my hands. They were painfully dry. If you’re under lockdown/stay at home orders at the moment, are you struggling or managing okay? A bitch is s t r u g g l i n g. Has anything positive come out of the pandemic for you? Fuck no. Do you wear a watch? Is it analogue/digital? Does it it have things like a step-counter in it? No. Do you have any gifts from Christmas that you still haven’t opened or used? Not used, yes. Well, then some things are still in their boxes, but they're unwrapped. Do you know how to tie a tie? If so, who taught you? No. Who was your last missed call from? Did you ring that person back? Some number I didn't recognize, so no. When was the last time you had some kind of problem with your internet connection? Is this something that happens often? A few days back. It has occasional instances where it'll go out but come back on shortly. Do you have a favourite celebrity chef? No. Do you prefer pizza or pasta? Pizza. Have you ever volunteered anywhere before? What was the reason behind doing so? Once at PetSmart when they had dogs to adopt out, which was for school volunteer hours. I spent time with them, giving them attention and taking them outside. I also had two other animal-related volunteer days, but each was only a few hours because my fucking weak-ass body couldn't handle them. Have you ever been truly obsessed with something? What was it and how did you come to feel that way? I have an incredibly obsessive personality; I could probably name near on a dozen or so things I've been genuinely obsessed with. I don't know what it means to love in moderation. Some are/were pleasant obsessions, some aren't/weren't. Does it bother you when people turn up at your house without asking or waiting to be invited? Yes. Are you taller or shorter than average height? I'm the average for an American woman. Do you have any family members whose beliefs or ways of life completely embarrass you? YUP YUP YUP YUP. Are you scared of heights? Yes. When was the last time you lost something of great sentimental value? Did you ever end up finding it again? I don't know. Have you ever injured anyone in self-defense? No. What food do you find to be the most filling? Is this something you eat a lot of? In relation to its portion sizes, oatmeal or eggs. I can't have a whole lot of either. I wouldn't say I eat either a lot, but oatmeal is more common. Have you ever heard people talking badly about you behind your back? Did you confront them about it? Yes, and in at least two instances. Do you consider “home” to be the place you were born, or is it somewhere you create for yourself? I consider it to be my childhood home; not the one I was actually born in, but only because I was way too young to remember and we only lived there like, maybe two years into my life. Have you ever experienced having to leave your home due to a fire, or due to the threat of fire? No, thankfully. When was the last time you felt you were in a dangerous situation? When we had a serious tornado warning Christmas Eve. Yes. In winter. Are there any superstitions that you believe in? Which ones and what are your reasons for doing so? No. Are there any series of books/films that you never finished - either because you got bored of waiting or just lost interest? Oh, I'm sure. I Wouldn't say I lost interest in a lot though, I just wasn't interested enough, like for The Hunger Games. Which theme park is your favorite? I haven't been to nearly enough to know. Like, just one. Do you eat healthy? I try to be, at least. Though I've been doing very poorly about it lately because I'm a emotional goddamn eater and am having a very hard time. Do/did your parents fight often? They're divorced for a reason. Do YOU fight with them often? No. Would you say that you're respectful? I hope so. Are you a fan of Green Day? Yeah, I love them. Would you rather have 4 kids at one time or never have a kid? Jesus Christ, never. I don't want any anyway. Do you think 'friends with benefits' relationships really ever work? No. Do you or have you ever known a drug addict? Yes. Do you turn off the water while brushing your teeth or leave it on? I always turn it off. No reason to waste it. Do you have any nieces or nephews? Lots, if you include my half-siblings. Are caterpillars more cute or disgusting? I tend to find them cute. What's your homepage when you bring up the internet? Google. Was the last book you read for fun or was it for some type of assignment? It was for fun. Have you ever dated someone you met online? Yes. Would you go on a date with someone right now if they asked? Depends on who's asking. Do you own any band tees? Oh, I have lots. Off the top of my head, some that I frequently wear are Metallica, Otep, and Korn. Do you know someone who wears a wig? No. Have you ever kissed someone under fireworks? I don't think so. What kind of dressing do you eat on your salad, if any? I strongly prefer the Olive Garden kind, but I also enjoy ranch. What genre of music do you listen to the most? Metal of some sort. Have you ever dated someone who was way overprotective of you? No. Do you personally know any cops? No. How many different colleges have you gone to? Three. How much stress can you handle? Not much at all. How confident are you in achieving your dreams? I ain't got the slightest clue by this point in my life. What is one thing you thought you’d never do but have done or are doing? There's a lot of things, most bad, some good. Do you have to take medication for any mental illness? A lot. Do you like looking at pictures? It depends on what's in them. Specifically pictures from my past, that's usually a big no. Do you believe the dead can have connections with the living? I guess in very vague ways. Which family member do you get along with the most? Well, define "get along with." I by far have the strongest relationship with my mom, but we fight sometimes. As for who I stay on the most stable ground with, that's probably my dad. Would you ever be able to become a vegan? I know I couldn't, but I'd love to. How did you meet your newest friend? Who even IS my newest friend... Have you ever watched the show Teen Mom? What did you think about it? No, and I think it's an awful fucking idea for a television show. Put a spotlight on and money into teen pregnancy, yeah, that's a genius plan. Are you old enough to remember MySpace? Yeah. Do you think you’ll be a good mother/father? I wouldn't be. Do you have trouble deleting your text messages? I don't need to. Is there something that you haven’t told anyone that you actually would like to tell someone? No. Have you ever been called a tease? Yeah. Do people ever make fun of your religion or lack thereof? No. Do you say/do things a lot for shock effect? No? What was the last compliment you gave a guy? I probably told my nephew Ryder he was a good brother. Was one of your grandpas in a war? Maybe? Idk. I never knew either well at all. Have you screamed in a pillow before? Yes. What do you like more, acoustic or electric? Electric. Have you ever ordered something off a commercial on television? No. What's worse, having someone mad or disappointed in you? Disappointed. Do you still consider Pluto a planet? Yes. Didn't they reinstate it as one, anyway? Right now, are you at a high, leveled, or low point? What's lower than "low?"
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