#idk why i just went ham srry

[ihatebnha]

okay but literally imagine being katsuki’s ex but YALL still are going at it like no one’s business — and you’re like “this doesn’t mean anything. you’re still a jerk and i can’t be with you.”

but he literally makes you tell him you love him while he’s railing you in front of a mirror with one hand squishing your cheeks into an emberassing pout so it sounds like “i wub you kassu” LIKE LMFAO HIS PETTY ASS

why. 

why would u send me this. why would u do caitie like that. WHY?

I don’t understand why you guys keep sending me things (possibly) expecting me NOT to make them angsty… like you don’t even know how I obsessed I am with concepts like this and i scream...

like ngl i’m literally ?????? DANCING AND FLYING TO THE BEAT? especially since this is so powerful when you consider… Bakugo who wants you back soooo badly and is soooo mad you broke up with him that this is the only way he knows he can get you to say it… because even though he knows you wish you didn’t love him… he still so desperately wants you to... even if he won’t admit it... 

Anyway thank you for the food and hope this is alright!

(Also, imagine: bakugo who cums when u say I love you🥺this isn’t that... but imagine... ok bye).

-

Bakugo never really cared about you. 

Okay, deep down, you know that’s a lie… but still, you feel like if he cared, he would’ve tried harder to keep you. Maybe he wouldn’t have been so nasty, maybe he would’ve let you in, and maybe he would’ve said “I love you.” 

Yeah, right. 

Honestly, you wish you could say it was all water under the bridge, tell your friends that he is now just some long lost lover who will always be yours in some distant past. But that’s not true, never will be, and for as long as you keep letting him fuck you (which might be forever, at this point, with his whining), your heart will always ache for the Bakugo you know is hidden somewhere under all that rage and insecurity. 

“You love me,” he breathes, warm breath on the shell of your ear as he holds your face in one of his large palms. 

It is not a taunt, it is a claim, a demand, his other hand used to hold your arms behind your back as his hips pound you into the cold marble countertop of your bathroom. 

Your hips aches, bruised by the force of his thrusts, and you’d be lying if you said your thighs weren’t soaked with the proof of how you feel about him, how he makes you feel, as if the coil you feel in your gut from just looking at him was already not enough.

You do. 

“I-I don’t,” you choke on the words, drool pooling at your lips as Bakugo forces you to look at yourself in the mirror, red eyes locked onto yours in the silver as your spit covered tits bounce and your chest heaves with breathless sobs. 

“Yes, you do,” he growls, nipping at your cheek when you try to turn away from him, his own face flushed and red next to yours. “Say it.” 

“I can’t,” the words are lilted with pleasure as you have since given up hiding your moans, and Bakugo smirks through his thrusts at the way he can feel your walls crumbling. 

You try to shake your head in his hands, but his grip only tightens, holding your jaw steady so as to squish your cheeks together into a pout. He continues to rail you, the sound of skin slapping skin echoing in steamy room, and if not for the way he holds you to his own warm body, you’d feel as though you were slipping. 

“I love you,” Bakugo says, pressing his nose into your soft cheek in a half-kiss as he breathes in your scent. “Now say you love me.”  

Cunt clenching, your stomach does a somersault at the words, your gaze hazy with emotion as you try to process your thoughts.

He said it, he said it, he—

“I…” you hesitate, throat thick and tongue heavy despite the urge suddenly becoming too strong, the feelings that are resurfacing all too real, “I love you, Katuski!” 

Immediately, Bakugo’s pistoning stutters, his harsh pace slowing to short and sweet snaps as he rolls his hips against your ass. Readjusting his grip to move his hand from your arms to your clit, he slams up into you one last time, deep enough to touch your cervix… and stays there, your body teetering on tip-toes in the hands that hold you against his chest. 

“That’s it, baby,” he groans, laying a kiss to the curve of neck, fingers teasing the folds of your cunt. “Again.” 

It still hurts, but the words come easier. You can’t deny, at least, not right now, that you know they are true. 

“I love you!”

“Again,” Bakugo says again, instantly, the words having barely sunk in yet, no hesitation when he finally presses his fingers to your clit, the hand that’s holding you face suddenly pushing your lips into a pout. “With my name.”

With the pleasure now building in your gut, you let yourself whine, crying into his palm when your eyes meet his in the mirror and your voice embarrassingly stumbles from the soft lips he holds together. 

“I wub you, K-Katsu, I wub you…” you cry, to which Bakugo proudly beams at, finally having gotten his way. 

It’s true.

He laughs, jutted hips beginning to rut back into you, and even as you’re pushed over the edge into one of the mind-numbing orgasms you oh-so love, you can’t help but want to roll your eyes.  

[faorism]

needing the au to drop wherein i can commit to writing a historical au,, because since i first watched the db cooper job my mind went straight to OT3! OT3! OT3! (unlike with the van gogh job, since i aint playing with that fucking lieutenant)

one day maybe one dayyyyy i will sit down and i will write the ot3 into that episode's story. so, it'll be the backgrounds for the characters in the flashback (so, stephanie ritter, steve reynolds, and reggie wilkins), but with the necessary personality adjustments (parker, eliot, and hardison respectively). basically, vintage ot3 with some hot as hell aesthetics and secrets and avoiding as much as possible producing copraganda.

so. my thoughts. what i see happening. and this got super long so im throwing this under a cut. and for ease i will call them by their modern day canon names except when making a point.

first, general thoughts about the characters.

and so: steve to eliot. nothing much here on the surface. eliot still volunteers, too much an indoctrinated white man to have been forcibly drafted. so its still one man gone to war. one man come back. eliot would had been noticed early in training for his ability to pick shit up, and they teased at maybe sending him to a special unit. maybe they do, or maybe they don't because they just need to funnel fuckers to the jungle. the vietnam invasion was a terrorist imperialist venture and there's no romanticizing from me about anything done being at all valorous or special or brother-in-arms'y. and eliot commits war crimes under the american stars and stripes instead of just to keep moreau's champaign running. but also maybe moreau is eliot's superior. he certainly would have been rewarded for this ruthlessness. (eliot of course strove to impress moreau because there aint an eliot spencer who wasn't that man's dog at some point, i!!!! dont make the rules). eliot's friend died and eliot's gone off to carry out his wishes and moreau lets him because he Knows eliot is gonna come back. whether its to come back to the same squad, or follow him into deeper spy shit for the military, or to fuck off and go private. then eliot meets parker.

now. stephanie to parker. beth plays normal so well im mad at her, but there's something edgy and strategic about stephanie that i think parker can grab onto. i feel that maybe she was kind of a thief still, but there's more realism to this world so archie wasnt a super secret spy with lasers to practice with, but just a guy with sticky fingers whos a little bored and wants a protege. parker is good really good at what she does, and not having to deal with lasers makes me easy. but she's into scams that are less grifts and more Catch Me If You Can slight of hands. she's always looking for easy money (she was into lifting cars at one point! literally she follows where the crime is). she's doing something in an airport and someone tries to recruit her as a flight attendant because she's got the Look. and yall, flight attendants? that shit was like being a model and an astronaut and a time traveler back then. and according to a teacher i had, who once worked as in the f.a. union, those ladies back in the day were rad and queer and free spirited and runnnnning shit. i think, yes, it's a Job which i think we might resist placing parker into. but! of the jobs, at the time, i really see her rocking it during the time period. (also come on, the opportunities to swindle distracted people of their shit would be endless. they would just think they dropped their stuff in the airport! not that it was stolen.)

finally, reggie to alec. i think hardison will be the hardest to translate. even tho i admittedly listen to a lot of true crime podcasts, i dont know much about fbi life and also definitely don't know about it historically. part of me desperately wants to put him somewhere else even if it does have to stay within the fbi. i might cheat and make him like a Q(uartermaster) to 007/00s like in james bond, and he's like UGH this is horrible god i hate working for the fbi but they will give me funding so...... anyway, here's this totally cool [radio term]. that said, if hardison is stuck in the fbi, why he ends up there is that he is a fucking savant when it comes to research and the man can put together a presentation like no one else. that white man gets all the credit for profiling but it was hardison who goddamn was the google of the microfilm days. reggie felt super square but that might be because he had to deal with mcsweeties db cooper shit day in and day out for years. hardison is more himself. and definitely still a nerd. alec would be into dime fantasy novels and comics and ham radios and oh god he also would be into star trek like the original star trek as it came out and he would be into the zines yes! yessss. omg. also he plays a mean arcade cabinet. but he's mostly well adjusted but lonely. his colleagues dont appreciate him because fbi esp during that time were fucking wilding out and racist as hell aaaaaand im sorry im srry im trying so hard to have fbi hardison make sense but also! acab. ANYWAY.

second, the relationship

i think it would be fun to play with what it means to have parker/eliot start off first and bring in hardison afterwards. (if white collar is your thing, it would be like this canon divergent ot3 fic wherein peter burke is the last to join in.) i feel they would be Super Intense esp since they are carrying this big ass secret. kind of broken and dysfunctional and there's the passion and the commitment, but i think there's also a tenderness that's super hard for them to achieve? and i think there's a way that hardison plays such an important part in who they are and how they are. like, sure i think parker/eliot would have joy but they won't have levity. they would have compassion but they won't have gentleness.

eliot meets hardison after being recruited by nate. i think they get close because while nate and eliot have an interesting and compelling mentorship/friendship, nate is still eliots superior; sometimes its nice to complain about your boss, as hardison will say to eliot to try to make friends. i think hardison and eliot would become legit friends and not just work buddies because they are just not cut out of the same cloth as the rest of their colleagues. they grab beers after work. after hard days, hardison cajoles eliot into going to the arcade. they are friends. real real truly deep best friends, in a way hardison didn't think he could have with a fed and eliot didnt think he would have after his friend died. but also? they are like "buds" who are buds who are desperately tryna to cross any lines because there's a.... tension? an UST between them they dont know what to do with.

parker meets eliot by way of a "lets have my friend for dinner, he's a blast." and immediately immediately hardison is like... wow this woman is beautiful but like, really attracted to her personality. and parker things hardison is kinda dorky but cute dorkie? anyway, they have a puppy love situation growing. and it keeps growing until bam. eliot and parker are like. are we into alec???? fuck we are aren't we.

i think stephanie and steve would never tell reggie (even if somehow they were to be a thing). but parker and eliot? hell yeah they tell hardison. eventually. after a while. sooner than maybe they should. the tension if they should say something is one of the things that build up as UST between them for so long; parker and eliot know they are carrying this huge thing. two huge things. eliot being db cooper and also their massive crush on him.

if i could control myself to stick to a pwp, it would be another christmas. maybe the christmas nine (more?) years down the road. the damn snow grounded hardison's flight back to his nana's, and parker and eliot hear this and invite him over. the egg nog gets flowing and parker eventually is like,, fuck this. and comes onto hardison. and hardison would be like wow wow what but... idk, free love and swinging were In The Thoughts And Minds Of The People. he still checks in with eliot who is like. her body, man; i aint gonna tell her what to do. and for a sec hardison is like, man is this a cuck situation? i guess i can be for it but also...... aint mad if i aint alone. and eliot is so grateful and idk. i just want them all to be happy and having fun and no one to be left out. and yeah i am kinda brushing over a lot of the racial politics which, in a more developed fic rather than a pwp, would definitely need to be brought in; but idk that needs to just be in the bedrock of whatever plot is going into this.

it takes a lot of maneuvering of their lives but they make it work and eventually hardison is a keeper of eliot's secret too.

(apart from the historical aspect, another reason i probably won't actually write this is because i know myself. i would want to do worldbuilding. i would follow eliot and alec to their jobs, but i wouldnt want to write outright copaganda. the grit/realism i would be comfortable with would take a level of research i dont think i can commit to. but if someone wants to take this up or if you figure out a way around this issue, pls do i wont be mad)

[handwritten-blog]

okay im back bc its been a weekend and by a weekend i mean like friday. 

on a side note i think i figured out why ham asked “who’s this” when i texted bc i guess whenever i use imessage my apple id email shows up instead of my number sooo that means ppl have been getting my spam email 

okay but idk if i mentioned this last time but october 3rd was my friend’s bday. and over the summer when i scratched my car against a metal pipe i told him that i’d be sad for rest of the year & he said he’d be sad if i was sad on his bday & i guess i joked about it so much it actually came true. 

but since it was his 21st on friday he invited me and my friend (that he also knows) to go out a brewery & bar with his three housemates. & so i split a beer flight with my friend & had a mixed drink from the bar. & after that we all went back to his place to have some more drinks & play jackbox games. & he hasn’t really had any alc before his 21st sooo he ended up being pretty out of it after splitting 2 beer flights w/ his 2 housemates, an amf, a ski shot, & a bit at his place. Now I myself am a pretty chill drunk, i would say. like i just talk more than usual and i’m still pretty self-aware and like normal. my friend has no filter when he’s drunk. 

so when he started getting real out of it, his sober housemate/dd and my friend went over to him to take care of him. & he goes “help me _my name_” and like everyone turns and stares at me & then they’re like oh you’re the chosen one. so yeah i get over there and help him. i like make sure he sits up & rub his back while he’s yakking into a bag. but he just keeps spewing stuff like you’re cute & i like you & im in heaven & i dont deserve you. & my friend is just hyping him up like otp!! & its awk bc i feel like all of his housemates knew and i was just there rubbing this guys back while he yaks. & the other half the time he’s like i regret getting this drunk / i should be doing hw / im so behind / i wanna make money / & reciting chemicals and what not. 

so yeah after we get him to bed my friend and i walk back to my apt and the way there im just like bruh what?? you heard all of that too right? & we get back to my apt and apparently he had snapped my roommate about how cute she was & so she was like whatt?? 

& so now i have this info. and i don’t want this info. like i had a few hunches before but now that its confirmed in a drunk sense i know im gonna act different around him. weve been snap #1 best friends for over 2 months so we have that double heart thing & now i overthink everything i send him. like i dont want to be leading him on. and now i think everything im doing is. & im like reevaluating the past and what ive seen from others. 

& its bad bc i dont think i feel the same way about him. like i feel like usually if i find out someone has feelings or is somewhat nice to me i’d catch feelings reeeal easy but i dont think i feel anything this time. & if this is anything like last time it’s gonna go drunk confession --> real confession & im gonna have to be like srry dude i only see us as buds. & it’s gonna make me feel like an asshole even though it shouldn’t bc what im feeling is valid but im gonna feel bad for hurting his feelings. like i can’t even ghost ppl on tinder i feel bad about it. but i dont think he’s gonna mention it. im not gonna mention it. we mostly talk on snap anyway & you cant confess through snap. so it looks like we’re both ignoring it for now. but it still stresses me out. i keep overthinking all of my actions now. & im pretty sure that he is too. he probably has it worse. but that shouldn’t disregard what im feeling. & i can’t stop overthinking this. & it sucks that our friendships not gonna be the same after this bc i know im acting different & im pretty sure if he does confess sober & its not gonna go well- im not gonna hear from him for a while

10/6/19