#idk why gregory looks so much older

[vermwerm]

did i post my monty gijinka i dont remember

[joelsgoldrush]

swore i heard you whisper that you preferred us like that

joel miller x f!reader / 5,8k words

summary: you ask joel –the quiet, distant joel– to teach you how to ride a horse. they say the eyes are the window to the soul, and it must be true, because when he really sees you, it´s like he finally understands what you feel for him.

warnings: smut 18+ let’s pretend joel never left jackson, porn with plot, no use of y/n, age gap (reader is in her late 20s, joel is 56), grinding, oral (f receiving), fingering, masturbation, pet names, unprotected p in v (don't try this at home ok), dirty talk, soft!dom joel (sort of???), a bit of angst/feelings, joel gets all babygirl around reader, ellie appears for like a minute, mediocre attempt at recreating joel's southern accent (sorry in advance)

a/n: hello??? well this is my first fic ever so bear with me, i'm still new to all this. also english isn't my first language so i'm afraid there may be mistakes (mostly when it comes to collocations bc i hate them and they confuse me), buuuut i'm learning obviously and if you find anything that should be corrected PLEASE TELL ME thank you :) i'd appreciate if you told whether you liked this story (idk what to call it tbh) but if you don't it's more than fine! anyways thank you so much for reading if you come across this fic, i hope you like it! i've spent a week writing it bc finals season is killing me <///3

here's my masterlist in case you want to read my other works :)

"Oh, my drunken southern star / How you tried to hide in darkness / Slipped from orbit / Now you’re dangerously close / Come out, come out from all your hiding out / We’ll dig in our heels, salute the battlefields / Where our broken hearts were born."

What is it that he has?

You used to ask yourself that question every night as you went to bed. On some occasions, you couldn't manage to come up with an exact answer. There were too many reasons that disclosed why a man like him lingered on your mind, even in those moments that were supposed to be for you and only you. Sleeping more than three hours a day was definitely something you needed tremendously, but still, the not-so-rational voice inside your head kept on bringing his name up without fail, disturbing your rest.

Joel Miller. Was it possible to feel like this? Like you knew somebody without having exchanged more than five words with them? Sure, there wasn't a single person in Jackson who wasn't aware of his existence. From whispered rumors in the streets to stories that intended to give his reserved personality an explanation, Joel became a real talking-point among those in the commune. Years ago, when the world was still just a floating ball in space, he would’ve frightened you, being the kind of person your parents used to warn you about as you started to grow older.

He walked a certain way, as if he were holding the suffering of many lives in his hands. Always on guard, prepared to fight those who defied him. Hidden knives in his pockets, a gun between his fingers, the trigger too tempting to be pulled at any time given. His hair was a mixture of brown and gray, and you swore that the latter was only becoming more prominent as days went by. 

Suddenly, your pillow felt too uncomfortable, your hands fisting the fabric of your t-shirt while you kicked the blanket resting on top of your bare feet. A sigh escaped your lips, the taste of something you couldn't even distinguish on your tongue, your unsteady breath being the only sound to be heard in that noiseless night. 

You were having a hard time figuring out how you felt about Joel (if there was anything to feel in the first place, since he barely remembered your face and there you were, fantasizing about him instead of sleeping.) Maybe you liked how he presented himself, how bossy and persistent he looked the times you caught him patrolling around the zone. Or perhaps it was his character what charmed you in the first place, and the fact that, deep down, a different side from him remained completely unseen.

He was handsome, too. Tall, broad shoulders, aquiline nose. His arms looked majestic in every single piece of clothing he wore, his tanned skin shiny enough to reflect the very same sun. And his legs… you were sure they were muscular like the rest of his body, because of all the physical effort he did. You had  heard that he worked as a contractor before the pandemic, which made a lot of sense. Once or twice you had paid attention to his hands and–

Then, a familiar feeling sinked in. Warm began spreading through your belly, your thighs involuntary clenching together. “Fuck,” you muttered in a low tone, keeping your hands glued to your sides. Another motive not to think about Joel: he made you feel… things. Certain things that you hadn't felt for anyone in a very long time. You preferred to think that it was probably due to the fact that you were touch-starved, and not because you found yourself deeply attracted to him. Never had you ever been a sexually active person, so why now? Why did the mere image of Joel in your mind turn you on? 

He’s strong. I’m alone. I feel the need to find someone who’s willing to protect me. That’s it. No other reason.

Your internal monologue was lacking in arguments, but it was definitely something you could work with. As if on cue, you found it hard to keep your eyes open, your limbs not feeling as if they were yours anymore. Next thing you knew, you were asleep.

That night, you dreamt with Joel.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

In a small cabin, you taught children how to paint and draw. Maria believed it to be helpful for their psychological development or something like that, and you had agreed to do it. A good way to spend your free time– that’s what it was. Plus, you liked children; some would even choose to include you in their drawings, and that small gesture just warmed your heart.

There, you met Ellie, a teenager whose basic vocabulary consisted mostly of profanities. 

And boy, you loved Ellie.

It was hard not to, actually. She was like a breath of fresh air, with her jokes and instant charm. You two became attached in a short time, and she reminded you of a younger version of you, just a lot braver. Although in this world it brought her benefits, you sometimes wished she wouldn’t have gone through all that shit. Those eyes, which squinted as she laughed if you tickled her sides, were the cemetery of many buried memories. You wondered how she managed to put a smile on her face despite her past and the horrible things she had seen, hoping it was genuine and not a mask.

“Look!” her voice brought you back to reality. Blinking in her direction, you realized the amount of paint you had dropped onto the floor, a red stain already forming on the carpet. “Are you okay? You seem off.”

“I’m fine! Just a bit sleepy today, that's all,” you got closer to where she was lying down, her fingers moving the brush you had gifted her in different directions. Squatting a bit, you placed a strand of hair that didn’t make it into her ponytail behind her ear. “So, what are you painting?”

She smiled warmly, and her teeth catched her lower lip momentarily. “It’s not finished, okay? Don’t freak out. I know you’re a perfectionist.”

“I’m not…” you tried to explain yourself, but ended up choosing to be defeated. “Maybe you’re right. Anyway, may I see it?”

The canvas was in your hands a few moments later. Ellie spoke beside you, her words mixing together in a sign of embarrassment. “It’s for Joel. Figured I could do something nice for him, you know? I don’t– I think I need to start over. His eyes look kind of strange, don’t they? They’re so close he looks like a cyclops.”

“Don’t say that, kiddo. This is… it’s beautiful,” your index finger traced the lines framing his jaw, the shades of his skin perfectly achieved. You held the painting even tighter, afraid of breaking it for a second. He wasn’t frowning like he normally did; Ellie had painted him smiling, and the crinkles by his eyes matched his age. Surely you must have spent more time than necessary staring at it, ‘cause then Ellie continued talking.

“Well, you know what they say: The student has become the teacher.” 

You handed the canvas to her, a smirk taking place on your face. “Yeah, I guess I’ll stop teaching you if that’s the case.”

An hour or so later, someone knocked on the door. As both of your hands were occupied (a more formal way to say that they were dirty with paint), you screamed “Come in!”, and Ellie covered her painting with an old, muddy curtain you used to clean the tables in which the children worked. You were about to ask her why she had reacted in that way, until you turned around and saw him.

Joel was there, as every other Wednesday. In your cabin, standing right in front of you. And you didn’t even look presentable. His hair looked messy, a couple of locks stuck to his forehead with sweat. “Hi,” he said shortly, meeting your gaze and attempting to shake your hand, but you avoided contact.

Showing him your hands, you held your palms in the air as an indication of the still fresh paint on your skin. “Sorry. If I were to accept the gesture, I’d leave you a stain.”

He retrieved a bit, adjusting his glove. “It’s okay. Safety first.”

That was supposed to be a joke, you noticed tardily. The silence in the room persisted until Ellie appeared from behind your back, already putting her coat on.

“You were supposed to pick me up in half an hour, asshole.”

His mouth snapped shut for an instant. “I missed you too. How was the class?” 

Ellie lifted her shoulder in a half shrug, looking in your direction and proceeding to jerk her thumb toward Joel. She didn’t want him to see the painting. “Fine as usual.”

“Can I see what you’re–”

“No fucking way!” she accentuated the word fucking, drawing him closer to the door. 

“Why not?”

“Because it’s not done.”

“But–”

“No more questions, Joel. Let’s go! Say bye!” Ellie handled him like a baby, which made you giggle.

Though you saw Joel raising his eyebrows, so you stopped laughing. 

Soon, they left and the cabin returned to its familiar quietness. A sigh erupted from your chest, and you allowed yourself to fall on top of a chair.

At least you could say you had actually talked to Joel for once.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

It didn’t surprise you that you wanted to see him again.

Not in the “you-turn-me-on” way, but in the “you-seem-interesting-and-i-need-to-find-out-why” one.

He had something. Something so magnetic and indecipherable that kept pulling you towards him. Something that made you look for his presence in every crew, and not sensing what it was only made your wishes to dissect him grow bigger. There was a tiny probability that he was an idiot with a pretty face. Who knew? You definitely didn’t, and that needed to change. You deserved to know if pining over that man was worth it or not.

That chain of thoughts led you to look for him the next day, almost trembling with eagerness as you asked him the most stupid and unexpected question you could have imagined.

“Would you teach me how to ride a horse?”

He looked at you as if you were out of your mind, opening his mouth a few times and then closing it before he actually replied to you. “You’re tellin' me you don’t know how to ride a horse?”

“Tried it a few times, but failed and now I really want to learn to do it properly,” you swore his eyes were trying to decipher if you were saying the truth or not. “Ellie told me that you could probably make some time to teach me?”

“So Ellie's in charge of my schedule, I suppose?” you froze on the spot, and he must have noticed it because then his expression dulled. “Sorry, sweetheart. It was a joke. I've been told I'm not the best humorist.”

Sweetheart. You could’ve died a happy girl.

“Look, why don’t we meet up tomorrow after lunch? I'm sure it won’t take us much time. Not a difficult task, y’know?” he stroked his beard, apparently thinking you understood what he was talking about. 

“Sure. Thank you, Joel. My name’s–“

He didn’t let you finish. “I do know your name,” and before leaving, he repeated: “I’ll be here tomorrow. You know where to find me.”

To say that you slept without interruptions that night was an understatement. Each hour seemed to become longer the more you glimpsed your watch. Your heart drummed inside your chest violently, and you feared that someone else would be able to hear it if they got close enough to you. 

After having lunch in the same spot as every other mundane day, your legs took you to the stable. You took a shaky breath, expecting him to appear out of thin air, but fifteen minutes went by, and there was still no sign of Joel. Pressing your forehead against the wooden door, you wrapped your arms around yourself. “What was I even thinking?” 

“Hey.”

You looked to your side and– there he was, already getting inside the stable and inviting you to follow him. Joel petted one of the horses, clicking his tongue. His fingers caressed the animal’s back, and when he shot a glance at you, he didn’t ignore your disturbed expression.

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of horses.”

“I’m not afraid of them,” you laughed awkwardly, eyeing the horse, which stared at you with those big and strange eyes. You raised your hand to mimic Joel, but that just made the animal move further away from you. “I guess it’s mutual. We don’t like each other.”

Joel smirked, guiding you outside. “It’s a damn horse. I don’t think you can tell whether he likes you or not. You gotta change that attitude of yours,” he murmured as he got on top of the horse, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Treat him well and he’ll be nice.”

At first, Joel taught you the basics: how to position yourself for balance, get your legs in the right position, hold the reins properly. A little bit of help coming from him was needed for you to mount the horse. He got down on one knee, patting it as if it were a mounting block. “Come on. Step on it.”

No need to ask me twice, you thought as you did what you were told, and once you were grabbing on those reins for dear life, you observed him with curious eyes. “Now what?”

“Now…” he pressed his hand into one of the horse’s sides, and afterwards, the horse began to fucking trot and you cried out, a high-pitched shriek slipping from your mouth. Joel laughed maliciously, almost hypnotized by the scene. “Now is when you learn how to ride a horse!”

“This isn't funny!” you screamed, the horse still very much entertained with the way you were jerking on top of him. “Stop!”

You couldn't believe how he kept… cracking up. Joel touched his stomach, shaking with laughter. “You’re a natural, can’t you see it? I’m havin' the time of my life here.”

“What I can see is that you’re an idiot! Cut the cackle and help me!”

But he didn’t move a single muscle. Instead, he remained still, that smug look never abandoning his features.

The bastard. “You’re gonna make me beg? In this situation?”

Crossing his arms while teasingly grinning at you, he added: “Wouldn’t hurt to try.”

“Joel Miller, will you help me? Pretty please?” your hair was getting in the way, and you could taste it as you insisted. “Is that enough for you?”

It was, actually. He helped you get down from the horse, his thick fingers digging into the mushy skin of your waist. It shouldn’t have felt that good, but it did. You were supposed to be angry at him for setting you up and still, by touching you for a microsecond, he had transformed you into something malleable.

Sadly, that feeling didn’t last much longer. “Didn’t know you were a man of manners. Should’ve told me beforehand.”

“Didn't know you could scream like that. I hope you didn’t freak anyone out.”

The two of you continued to practice until nightfall. A thing you also learned, apart from horse riding, was that Joel was a determined man. Everytime you tried to quit, he stopped you, making it impossible for you to rest. You stared at him, rubbing the back of your sore neck with a grimace. “I’m tired. Can we go back?”

“One more time.”

“Joel–”

“Trot a couple of meters just one more time, and that’s it for today. Can you do that for me?”

You tried not to pay too much attention to his choice of words, although it was basically non-viable. He looked sinful, and you longed to shut him up with a bruising kiss. Again, a hopeless option. Your hands itched to touch him, to feel his stubble, rough and coarse under your thumbs. How could you stay focused when the man you had been daydreaming with for the last couple of months was bossing you around? 

Despite your inability to clear your head of any of those thoughts, you managed to accomplish what he had asked you to do. “Well done,” he offered you his hand to dismount the horse and you accepted it, sighing as you stretched out your arms. “We should take him back to the stable,” Joel suggested, giving you the impression of being pleased as you told him you were coming with him.

Inside the stable, he relocated the horse into one of the many stalls. Unbelievably, the place didn’t smell like absolute shit, which was what you were expecting from a barn. “Thank you for the lesson,” you told Joel once he was done with the horse.

“Anytime,” he scratched his jaw, the dim light making his dark eyes look, if possible, even darker. “It wasn’t that bad, was it?”

“No. You were right,” your heart thrummed with every word that he blurted. His presence was addictive. You were never the one to have any bad habits, but deep down, you recognized that he easily could develop one. “I thought you were less talkative.”

“So did I,” for an instant, he pressed his lips together, forming a tight line, as if he had said something he shouldn’t have in the first place. “I think I didn’t ask you this before: but why now? I mean, why did you wait so much time to learn how to ride a horse? Everyone in Jackson seems to know how.”

You cleared your throat, his piercing eyes peering at your movements. “I guess I thought it wasn't necessary back then, before all this. It's one of those things that you don't even consider until it becomes inevitable. I used to believe I had a lot of time left when I was younger,” you had never talked about this with anyone else. There was something so intimate about this conversation, how Joel stood seemingly tongue-tied in front of you, as if he were taking notes of what you were confessing to him. “I remember being a kid and not wanting to use my toys sometimes because I kept waiting for the right moment. But then…”

“You realize there’s no such thing as the right moment,” he finished the sentence for you, and you bowed your head. “Life can end at any moment, especially in a world like ours. That’s why you always gotta do what you wish to. We never know what’ll happen tomorrow.”

“Live for today, hope for tomorrow? That’s your creed?” you tried to mock him, the tension in the stable far from evident, but he didn’t move.

“It’s the way I try to live my own life. I don’t like being left with the desire to do somethin’ I could’ve done earlier. Too old for that.”

Maybe you were gradually losing it. Perhaps just a little. It couldn’t be a coincidence, right? Had he noticed how you acted around him? Were you that obvious?

“So, you would advise me to just…”

“Do whatever you feel right, sweetheart.”

That raspy sweetheart made you give in.

His eyes. His penetrating, gleaming eyes scrutinized your face at the same time you closed the distance between your bodies. From there, you were able to see every freckle, every small detail that you hadn’t previously acknowledged. He parted his lips, as if to speak, but no words other than your name came out. One of your hands made its way up to his cheek, cupping it, feeling the warmth his skin radiated. His head immediately leaned into your touch, like a moth into a flame. 

You kissed him, unable to keep waiting. It took him what felt like ages to kiss you back, his fingers tangling in your hair. He absorbed your whimpers, pressing your back against the nearest wall. Maddening– it was the perfect word to describe how being kissed by Joel felt like. When you thought he was going to draw away from you, he just held you tighter until your lungs implored for some air. Your knees had never felt this weak, and you found yourself grabbing onto his shoulders, already feeling the places where his stubble had left its trace in flames. 

“Joel…” you mumbled against his lips, detaching your mouth from his. Your erratic breaths seemed to sync together like a melody, and you tugged at the collar of his jacket. 

He knew, could see it on your features. “Wanna go to yours?”

Joel took you home. The moment you set foot in the cabin, he closed the door behind him, his hand lingering on the handle as he contemplated you from a distance. You took your coat off first, starting to unzip your pants. There was silence long enough to hear crickets in, the moon up in the sky being the only bystander of your meeting. His eyes roamed the newly exposed skin of your legs and you observed him gulp. 

“Did something happen?” you asked him, a flush crepting up your face. Taking a step forward, one of his hands came to rest on top of yours.

“No, it’s just that– Are you sure you want this?”

Crinkling your nose, you uttered: “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I’m just too old for you,” he warned you, running a knuckle down your cheek. “You should be with guys your age, y’know? Not with an old man like me.”

“I want you,” reassuring him, you got rid of your t-shirt, and the fact he was still dressed up from neck to toes lit some kind of fire inside you. His calloused fingers fiddled with the strap of your bra until it slipped off your shoulder. “This is what I want. Please, Joel.”

It turned out that Joel Miller certainly was a man of manners.

You couldn't help but moan as he grabbed you by the waist, dragging you to the couch by the window and straddling his lap, his hard-on finding its place beneath you, pulsing and in need of more. His tongue brushed yours ever so often, and your eyes rolled to the back of your head as his teeth latched onto the skin of your throat. Joel groaned, the sound, low and primal, having its desired effect on you, your hips involuntarily grinding against his in a delicious but tormenting rhythm that already had you on the verge of tears.

“Joel, please,” you managed to plead, not knowing precisely what you were asking for. His hands cupped your ass, imprinting his fingerprints on the soft flesh, forcing your hips to go harder and harder. The harsh fabric of his pants was definitely going to leave a mark on your cheeks, and thinking that helped you realize that you were the only one –almost– naked. You reached for the buttons of his denim shirt, your lips hovering over his. “Take your clothes off?”

He did the rest himself, throwing his jacket to the floor. When he got to his jeans, he cocked his head. “Why don’t we move this to the bedroom, if you’re so goddamn needy?” The few guys you had been with had never been very talkative during sex; there was even this one specific boy who had asked you to not make a sound while he fucked you. 

But Joel wasn’t like them. It was just starting and you had already realized that he had a dirty mouth, an expectant look on his face every time he waited for your reaction to his words. “Now you’re quiet, huh? Thought you wanted me to fuck you, darlin',” one of his fingers pressed down on your clit, stimulating it through your underwear. He sighed, stopping his movements and pressing the damp pad of it against your lower lip, urging you to taste yourself. “You’re wet, baby. So fuckin’ wet. Have you been like this all day? Bet you would’ve let me take you right there in the forest.”

“Oh my God,” you whined next to his ear, your whole body trembling with desire. “Take me to bed,” you begged him, and next thing you knew, he was grabbing you as if you weighed nothing and heading towards your room. 

Not knowing how, you kept your hands to yourself until he placed you on top of the bed. Joel shoved his jeans down and you didn’t think twice– you stroked his length, the fabric of his boxers only making the slow drag of your hand more satisfying. His long fingers circled your throat, and you moaned as you kept eliciting exquisite noises from him. “Let me take care of you,” his dilated pupils carved holes in your being, his grip doing nothing to cease the ache between your legs. “Please, baby. I need to make you feel good. Been thinkin’ about this for so long.”

“What?” you slowed down your pace, looking up at him through your eyelashes. “You wanted me?”

“Why do you think I began to pick Ellie up from your classes, huh? Because I’m a good, generous man?” Joel parted your knees, getting closer to where you required him the most. “I’m sorry to ruin this, but I’m far from good. Just wanted to see you and your pretty face. Didn’t know if we were on the same page until you came lookin' for me, askin' me to teach you how to ride a damn horse,” you hadn’t noticed your bra was missing till he cupped one of your breasts, flicking your nipple between his fingers. “I’m sure there were many other people you could’ve asked to teach you, but you chose me, didn’t you?”

“Don’t want anybody else,” your lips chased his, a drop of sweat already rolling down your temple. “I didn’t– didn’t know you noticed me.”

“How could I not? If you could only look at yourself like I’m doing right now… You’re a sight, sweetheart, all spread out for me,” removing your panties, he kissed the skin where your inner thighs met, his tongue darting out to draw imaginary figures on your flesh. His mouth was just inches away from your cunt, and you had to tell him.

“Joel?”

“What’s wrong?”

“I’ve never– nobody has ever done that for me.”

He seemed to understand what you were referring to. It made you tense a bit, despite the fact that you were completely naked in front of him, basically begging him to tear you apart. Still, the realization that you weren't as expert as him hit you out of nowhere. Yeah, it was all fun and games, kissing and touching probably the hottest man you had seen in your almost three decades of life. But said man was a lot older than you, and he had lived his best years in the real world, not this fucked up version you grew up in. You were sure he had been with many different women, which wasn’t a problem– you two were nothing.

“Nobody has ever tasted ya’? That’s what you’re tryin’ to tell me?” you nodded quickly, shoving a strand of his graying hair back away from his eyes. Joel chuckled languidly, squeezing your hips. “Do you want me to? It’s okay if you don’t. We can try somethin’ else.”

“Please,” you’d have time to embarrass yourself later, thinking about the amount of times you had repeated that word. But certain moments were to be lived only once, and though you hoped it wasn't the case, you had to take the chance. “I want you to.”

Four words. It took Joel four words to disappear between your legs, licking a hot stripe up your folds. You nibbled on your bottom lip, a loud moan filling the void of your dorm. He drew sweet patterns in your cunt, discovering a part of you that no one else ever had, and you couldn’t help but to grind against his face as he dipped the tip of his tongue into your entrance. Breathing wasn’t a necessity anymore. You felt as if all the air in the world was being punched out of your lungs, the knot in your belly growing tighter the more Joel spent his precious time keeping you entertained.

At some point, he focused his attention on your clit, circling it over and over again, making you shudder. Suddenly, the pad of his middle finger tested the waters, and he slowly slid it into your cunt, earning a strangled whine from you. Burying your hands in his hair, your glossy eyes looked for him for a second. You shouldn’t have done that, because as you took in the sight of Joel with his own eyes closed, browns knitted, your nostrils flared, and you wondered if it was even possible to want somebody that much.

“Joel, wait, I’m– fuck,” your jaw went slack and you scrunched up your face, two of his thick fingers nudging that spot that made you see stars. “I’m close.” 

“That’s a good thing, sweetheart. Don’t know why you say it in such a dry tone,” his mouth curved into a smile, his chin and stubble shining with your slick. 

Your chest rose and fell with rapid breaths. “I don’t want to come yet.”

“But you will.”

A thing you also learned, apart from horse riding, was that Joel was a determined man.

“Joel–“

“I’ll make you come with my mouth, and then with my cock,” dizziness was starting to blur your vision, your eyelashes fluttering with every hard thrust of his fingers. You glanced up to the ceiling, tears filling your eyes. “Think you can do that for me, be my good girl and come twice?”

You bobbed your head. It was official: he was going to make you come.

Drawing in a long breath, you could feel the unbearable pressure in your core. His name sounded like a prayer on your lips, chanting it in the same way some people expressed their devotion to a certain God. You had your own personal deity, whose tongue accomplished to push you to the limit, licking every drop of your release as if it were a special kind of forbidden elixir.  

Your shoulders sagged and you relaxed under him. Joel kissed you, an open mouthed and filthy kiss crowning that moment as you panted. Through the cotton fabric of his boxers, you felt his hard-on poking your thigh. Shoving his underwear down, you took him in your hand, hot and just big, stroking him for real this time. You twisted your wrist at the tip, and he slumped forward, almost crushing you with his entire body weight, his breath dampening your neck. “Wanna fuck you, baby,” he croaked, his hips chasing your touch.

Out of all the scenarios you had ever imagined, none of them included being split open by Joel. You had a very vivid imagination, but no amount of creativity would’ve prepared you for what his cock would feel like inside of you. He bottomed out, his arms shaking where they rested on each side of your head. Joel’s breath quickened as he pulled out, just letting the tip, and then thrusting into you again.

“Fuck,” you didn’t recognize your own voice. It was even hard to decipher if you were still alive or dead from how magnificent he felt.

“So good, sweetheart. You’re so good, such a good girl,” he groaned, fucking deeper into you. His cock pulsed inside you, your cunt squeezing him. “Can’t believe how– how tight you are. You’re gonna make me lose my f–fucking mind.”

It was just too much. You hadn’t even recovered from your last orgasm before Joel started pounding into you like his life depended on it, the obscene sound of skin slapping skin ringing out in the room. 

“You gonna come, huh? Gonna make a mess?” you could sense he was also close, his pace faltering as seconds went by, words slurring together. He pressed his forehead against yours, clenching his fists and taking in a sharp breath. “Fuck. I’m not gonna last much longer, baby.”

Come inside, you wished to tell him, to feel his seed dripping out of your greedy hole, painting your walls. But you weren't on the pill; it was also the first time you were sleeping with Joel, and you didn’t know how he would take the… suggestion. “Close,” you yelped instead, tears shimmering in your eyes as Joel’s body hovered over you like the most perfect eclipse. 

His thrusts became more frenzied, if possible. “That’s it, darlin’. Come for me,” your gaze fixated upon him, his eyes flickering with hunger. “Wanna see you when you soak my cock.”

Your body went limp, your orgasm hitting you like a truck. Soreness took place in your throat as you moaned his name through the aftershocks, fireworks exploding behind your eyelids. Going rigid, you let go of Joel’s shoulders. He pulled out, mumbling something you didn’t quite catch. You fisted his cock, trying to give him the release he so yearned for. Joel kissed you, messy teeth and saliva taking part of it. Heavy on your hand, his dick twitched as you squeezed the base, roped of his warm cum splattering your belly. The scene reminded you of a painting; he was the talented painter, and you his blank canvas, waiting to be signed with his name.

It was the turn of silence now. None of you said anything for a while, until Joel used his boxers to clean up his cum from your stomach, smiling apologetically at you. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” your fingers delicately traced the contours of his chest as he reclined, enveloping you in the embrace of his strong arms. “Will you stay?”

Please say yes.

“Only if you want me to.”

Moral of the story: learning how to ride a horse can actually be nice if your teacher happens to be Joel Miller.

[thatgirloncrack]

GGY/Beckory Headcanons because why not

-In public Tony and Gregory don’t tend to “act” like a couple, but when they are alone they are all over each other! They hold hands, cuddle A LOT, and give each other kisses on the cheek and sometimes forehead. Tony likes kissing Greg on his nose because it makes the other giggle.

-Both Tony and Gregory have Autism, but are on different sides of the spectrum. Tony hyper fixates on topics he enjoys and likes to rant about them. He’s also extremely observant and notices body language more easily than most. But he also has a hard time interacting with people he’s not familiar with, and often comes off as rude or sarcastic when talking to people who don’t know him very well.

Gregory also hyper fixated on things, but unlike Tony he bounces off from one thing to another almost daily. He stimulates a lot. He tends to tug on the strings of his jackets or mess with the zippers. He also tugs on the end of his shirt, kick his legs back and forth, or tap his fingers against something. When Tony’s around he likes to play with his fingers or hair. He tends to go non verbal when in highly crowded areas and speaks through physical contact or sign language.

-When Gregory starts to shut down or gets overstimulated Tony is usually the first person to notice. Because of his ability to note people’s changes in behavior he is able to recognize Greg’s body language and is able to react appropriately to it and comfort him when he’s distressed.

-Even after Gregory was freed from the Glitchtrap virus he still maintained his hacking and manipulation skills. He uses his knowledge of coding to repair Freddy and as a hobby mess around with tiny robots he’s built. He doesn’t use his manipulation skills unless he has to, but their still very effective.

-Gregory has a slight British accent but it’s barely noticeable. Ellis likes jokey making fun of his accent while Tony finds it cute.

-Tony himself doesn’t have an accent, but his mom has an extremely thick Italian accent. Tony’s basically the only one who can understand what she says.

-Tony’s mother really likes Gregory, and when he’s over she doesn’t try to hide that she prefers him over her own child. Tony isn’t necessarily upset about this but he is confounded about it.

-Vanessa takes her job as Gregory’s big sister very seriously. So of course when Tony and Gregory started dating she started to not like Tony out of spite. Deep down she knows he’s a good kid and is good for Gregory but she’s also an overprotective sibling.

-Gregory, Tony, and Ellis met Cassie after the GGY but before SB/Ruin. Gregory met her first and then introduced her to Tony and Ellis. Afterwards she kinda became the little sister of the group because she’s a year younger than them.

-Both Gregory and Ellis let Cassie practice makeup on them, but not Tony because he doesn’t like how it feels on his face.

-Gregory is older than Tony by three months. But physically looks three years younger than him. This causes problems sometimes because people *Vanessa included* think that Tony is much older than Greg and start to assume stuff. The two often have to convince people that they are the same age and that Gregory is actually older than Tony. It’s awkward every time…

-After GGY Tony stopped trying to act like an adult and stopped looking down on others, including Ellis. Now Tony and Ellis’s friendship is as strong as it was when they were kids!

-Gregory likes taking Tony’s clothes even though they’re too big for him. Usually he’d have three of Tony’s jackets stuffed into his closet.

-Both Gregory and Venessa refuse to wear the color purple again for obvious reasons.

-Main four plus Vanessa sexuality’s

Gregory: Bisexual

Tony: Gay

Ellis: Aroace

Cassie: Straight

Vanessa: Bisexual

That’s all for now. I might make another post or sm about more headcanons IDK :)

[roxtron]

Day 5: Rabbit, Reclaim

AGJGDFJF FINALLY IT'S DAY 5 SO I CAN POST THIS

For some reason everytime i draw him he looks so young because i'm accidentally overcorrecting since i'm used to drawing older characters. So unfortunately he looks way younger than i meant him to lol, whoops.

But wait there's more- AHAHAHA

While I did initially plan this for GGY week I eventually got the idea to use this as an excuse to draw other GGY designs, soo..

(Not sure why tumblr formatted it that way with 1 of them big but it doesn't matter lol)

I've been wanting to do this for a while, I put the tags of each person next to their design but ofc I'm still gonna tag them in the post itself so you can see their art for yourself if you haven't already. But I enjoyed each of these in their own ways so if you don't mind I think I'm gonna type a bit of text next to them..

@chipistrate This was one of the first I drew out of these, the design was pretty fun to draw but sorry if I messed up a few details, it was a bit difficult lol. The mask and goggles are really fun to draw and they make for a cool design, along with all the glowing blue. (and yes, I tried to subtly include the heelies lol)

@lunzi0 This was the first fursuit one I did lol. I adore the little stars in the design, they personalize it so well and make it really unique. I wanna try this design again since I feel like the other ones show my improvement a bit better, but I hope you can appreciate the effort I put in on my first attempt <3

@carouselrabbit This one was really fun to draw, I absolutely love the eye shape/lashes, it stands out and I always love drawing eyes with a bit of eyeliner lol, the daycare theme legwarmers is a cool nod to the balloon boy arcade machine being connected to them, and was just a fun addition in general lol, I like the style of legwarmers what can I say, fnaf changed my fashion sense a bit. also the subtle paraells to freddy's design is a nice way to connect a bit to gregory himself.

@puhpandas I can't remember if I talked about this design last time I drew it but, overall I'm really happy with how this came out, it's such an indicator of improvement since I started drawing this and I'm glad I was able to draw it better than last time lol. All the patchwork and similarities to Vanny's suit work really well, and the rabbit you chose to base it off of was a good fit, the colors make it a bit more difficult to shade for but i like detail lol, hope you like it too :)

@dykevanny I knew I wanted to do this since I started but I wasn't sure if I'd have time, and I'm glad I did! I hope you don't mind I combined aspects from the first design I saw and the second one you replied to my ask with, I liked the big purple sleeves lol. (I just realized after doing all the shading I forgot to include the oil splatter on his jacket, sorry!) It was definitely a bit difficult due to the head shape being so different but.. fluffy. i love drawing fluff. And the glowing swirl on the goggles, the shape of the ears, I love a lot about this design. :D

I have a hard time with writing compliments but I wanted to get some of those thoughts out, some of the things I like about these designs apply to multiple lol. I adore every one of these designs but I find it hard to put into words what I enjoy about them, hope the original creators are happy with these. <3

I also kept the ggys without as much lighting effects on a separate file, I felt like I should add them since they're a bit brighter lol, makes them look different.

Okay now that I've gotten all that- Sorry this post is so long! I didn't think it'd end up taking up so much space lol. Buut.. working on this drawing and thinking about it and potential context behind it gave me an au idea for it, but I'll put it under the cut since I understand most people probably won't care and just wanna see the drawings lol.

Idk if I'm confident enough to write for it but I'll give a bit of a summary.. I'll keep it under the cut for people who aren't interested and just wanna see the art though lol.

After the main events of SB and Ruin, now that the mimic's been set free, Cassie's taken control of by what's left of Vanny, using her as a new host. But with Cassie being the only human left alive down there, after being reawakened, Dr. Rabbit has nowhere left to go but back to his old host.

Vanessa, Freddy, and Gregory hadn't gone back to the Pizzaplex after ruin, but they were trying to figure out a plan to get Cassie back safely. One night after Freddy and Gregory disappear, Vanessa leaves to go find them. As dangerous as the pizzaplex is, it's her best guess for where they might've gone. She doesn't want to think about what could've happened to them, in denial for the worst case scenario. She tries to keep herself calm by telling herself they probably just left to go back for Cassie, maybe they didn't want her stopping them.. but deep down she knows it can't be that simple. She knows something's off, even if she's not ready to admit it.

When returning to the pizzaplex, she brought along her own V.A.N.N.I. mask, though unlike the one Cassie used, it was clear of the mimic's influence. After all, she was going to need some way to travel through potential blocked routes.

By the time she found Gregory, she'd still been wearing the mask, seeing him down the end of a dark hallway. He looked confused, afraid, his mind was a wreck of conflicting emotions. She started rushing towards him, happy to see him okay, until he finally spoke.

"You need to get out of here."

She stepped back, taking off the mask, only to be faced with the worst case scenario.

It was a wreck, covered in stains and tears, but it was still recognizable. He was wearing that old suit again.

As he waved, she could see Freddy's claws peeking out from the doorway, as the two stepped closer towards her.

So, she did what he told her to do, and started running. She could hear a faint voice coming from the mask, and put it back on before finding somewhere she could hide.

It was his voice again, telling her which way to go.

I guess that was the dramatic way to summarize the main idea behind it, lol. Basically Gregory and Dr. Rabbit work the way Sun and Moon work in Ruin, whichever one is in control in the real world, the other is left behind in the AR world. Or at least that's my interpretation of how they worked, considering Sun was always in mask-on scenes and moon was mask-off. I'm not too sure where the plot might go from there, and maybe I'll consider writing for it, I dunno. I've never wrote fanfic before because I get deadly afraid of writing them out of character lol, but maybe?? I have ideas for scenes and premise and stuff but I don't know if I have the confidence to write it.

But anyway! That was just more of a fun side-idea I came up with while working on this, if you read this far thanks, hope you enjoyed :)

here's some silly little lineless doodles as a reward for making it to the end hehe

now that's what I call an art dump

@ggyweek2024

[brodudemanbroski]

HELL YEAH DIFFERENT LOOKS WITH THE FOREIGN KIDS THAT’S WHY I DRAW PIP WITH HIS BURN SCARS & A TOOTH GAP IT MAKES THEM FEEL MORE REAL

YEAHHHH!!! I DRAW PIP WITH A TOOTH GAP TOO. now, since you mentioned differences once. I shall ramble.

Pip: For differences in teeth, I draw his canine teeth and he has a gap in between his two front teeth. He has never gone to a dentist, not even with the adoptive family I gave him. Small fun fact for you. Idk it’s fun. His differences in appearance: He has small bits of acne under his bangs, he has freckles along his face and body, and I’ve started to consider burns but I keep forgetting, sadly. I forget freckles a lot too, but SHHHH.

Damien: I have many MANY different kinds of teeth styles for him. Some with all sharp teeth, some with proper fangs, but they all involve braces. Because he would just loveeee braces (he hates them), he tries to break the brackets thinking it’ll make them go away faster, but that will only make them stay longer. His dentist hates him so much as he is rude and has tried to bite them. Appearance: His fingertips have faded ashy look, not burnt, they are just.. ash, because of his fire powers. He used to clean them but got too lazy. He doesn’t have any differences other than proper animal features, I like to think he has a goat tail when he gets older and has horns that he hides in his hair but that’s mainly it. Bags under his eyes, though born with it.

Gregory: He has had braces, which if is brought up he will have a full blown fit. He is a mint heavy guy, he has actually forced Christophe to have some of these mints, I will sometimes drawn his canine but that is rarely. Appearance: I don’t draw him with freckles (i forget), but I have mentioned that he has had freckles in roleplays! Only on his face. Gregory has small scars on his hands from past fights and injuries, he is prideful of them because he knows they tell a story without words.

Christophe: I.. love… his differences. I always love to draw his teeth. They are chipped, missing, and stained. I draw his canine as well, I believe they are sharper than average ones. His teeth are chipped from getting injured so often and getting rocks in the face while digging through holes. He has been forcibly made to brush his teeth countless times by his mother and Gregory. He hates the dentist so much that they have to hold him down and hold his mouth open or else he bites and tries to attack. Appearance: I haven’t drawn him with scars yet but he would have many from when he came back from being attacked and killed by the guard dogs. He would also have scars from other injuries, as I HC that everyday is a new injury, big or small. Christophe has a mole by his eye, haha im hilarious.. i added that feature and then remembered he is “The Mole” so. He also has acne from being so unclean, I like to believe that he forgets hygiene exists so he is often greasy and dirty, which causes the acne to show up. Bags under his eyes AND CHAPPED LIPS. HE GOES THROUGH IT.

Pocket: I haven’t discussed him much for appearance yet as at the time of making the teeth guide, I wasn’t much of a Pocket and Estella fan.. now look at me. I love them. He has his buck teeth ofc ofc, how would we ever forget that. I feel like his teeth are straight and pretty alright, and he uses his toothbrush way too hard. He probably brushes his teeth after every big meal and FLOSSES. Like a mad man. I like to think he has one chipped tooth from one random moment and that’s it. Appearance: Freckles dude, we love them. Freckles. He probably has small spots of acne as well, nothing that extreme.

Estella: She would have the straightest whitest teeth, perfect in every way and she would make sure of it. She brushes constantly and makes sure everything is spotless. I draw her canine teeth as well. Estella uses that expensive charcoal tooth paste or whatever that claims is better, but is probably the worst. Appearance: Again, she has no acne, no freckles, no scars. She doesn’t even have a bruise. Estella has a skincare routine, she has no freckles or scars. But has a birthmark on her ankle, but never shows it. She dislikes it as she feels it’s a wound on her perfect skin.

Rebecca: She has a gap between her teeth, which later on she gets braces so her teeth are perfect. She brushes a lot and flosses. I don’t draw her canine teeth all the time. Rebecca would grind her teeth at minute due to stress and worry, which ruins her teeth a great amount. Definitely a dentist’s favourite. Appearance: She has freckles, YES I FORGET I GET IT, on her face and body. She has acne around the sides of her face and on her nose, which she tries her best to hide and get rid of but nothing works. I like to think she also has sensitive skin, having to use special soap. She would have bags under her eyes,

Mark: He had/has braces and wears a retainer later on, not the invisible one. He got braces because of how many gaps he had between his teeth, his parents wanted his teeth to be perfect instead of gappy. He also takes good care of his teeth, similar to his sister. I don’t draw his canine teeth, so sad. Another dentist’s favourite. Appearance: I haven’t thought much on this, he probably has acne on his nose and chin, which he tries to clean and get rid of. He would have chapped lips as he dislikes the feeling of chapstick on his lips and feel bad about it. Mark would have bags under his eyes, like his sister. He has small scaring around his nails from picking at them out of nervousness and habit. He would also have sensitive skin and allergies that makes him have to have special soap.

(somewhat outdated tooth guide for foreign kids. “Fang” means canine teeth in photos, there are a LOT more on that page but I stuck with our lovely little foreign kids.)

There wasn’t any Rebecca and Mark on the original sheet because I hadn’t remembered they existed yet sooo.

[malaky-nightm4r3]

Okay because Im reentering FNAF phase (it just came back after being asleep for years) and Im actually looking around at what other people create, I'm just amazed tbh. I was grounded off and on forna majority of teenagerhood so I didn't get to have this raw experience of just properly discovering the fandom beyond youtube.

And I've discovered. I never knew I needed Springtrap in normal situations. Like its so oddly amusing to me. Throw that mold boy on a bus looking out a window, what's he doing there, how did he get there?

Also Im very sad, inbetween the car and the apartment somewhere along the line my copy of The Silver Eyes went missing and Im very emotionally attached to it because it was a gift I was given second hand from someone who got it not knowing it was a game book and ended up not liking it, but knew I liked it, and I read it over and over so many times the book showed my love for it. For context why that's important, I own books older than me without much sign of wear if I was their only or second owner because Im overly careful when reading. Ik its a 12-14 dollar book but I don't want to just REPLACE it when it was so important to me, Idk, the memories. Let me be sentimental for once.

Also Im very much focused on SB ruin despite the story of SB getting fucked by cuts- I feel like Ruin saves it.

Im also mortal enemies with team Hate Gregory rn (Lighthearted but hear me out) bc I can't believe people actually played or watched through the game, learning the gregory we heard was actually the mimic all along, finally hear REAL Gregory again, and then don't find it suspicious when his whole tune changes again in the elevator? There is static and suddenly he goes from explaining what Cassie ran from to....Killing her? Thats the damn mimic and its mad he had no escape so it's fucking taking her down.

And, if it WASN'T the mimic, put yourself in Gregory's shoes for a minute. Your friend is trapped with that thing, and you don't know if you just led your friend or it into that elevator. It can copy anyone. You're a child and don't have much time at all, you're freaking out, you don't know what to do- if it escapes thats really, really, really bad, if you drop it you KILL Cassie-

Ultimately, what's the worst choice...?

Anyways fuck hating Gregory I find it unoriginal tbh everyone likes hating something and because Vanny wasn't satisfying in-game and Afton has been dead for ages, and the Mimic isn't properly sentient- Y'all wanna hate on the kid who got kidnapped to the plex in the first place and was hunted and potentially killed by the animatronics he chose to break in the end. Who were used for the cheap mind control plot- thats besides the point anyways FUCK hating Gregory

(I don't hate any of you, I just wish you read into what details happened more)

[lovecolibri]

You know, I was just thinking about the whole "the entire world knows about Malex but Malex haha hehe LOL😜" thing and the part that bothers me about that is that apparently Mary knew and didn't care one bit and dated her supposed best friends soulmate anyway. And you can even say that Liz didn't care either. How are these people even friends? Who does that? Ugh idk it's dumb

Yeah, like okay, Jesse knew because he SAW them together so that made sense. But I'm STILL confused on why Jesse kidnapped Alex but Flint took Alex from Jesse in order to get to Michael which I feel like was also Jesse's plan but he lost Alex? Anyway. If Flint and Helena took Alex to get Michael to cooperate simply because Jesse took Alex to get Michael to cooperate, that would make sense then too that they knew, OR Alex told Flint when they were younger or he figured it out back then. That all kinda tracks. By the time we get to Gregory though it's starting to be a little shifty because if an older (most likely) brother who was gone in the Navy by the time Alex and Michael first kissed, and hasn't been around Roswell knew (and Alex's shocked face kinda makes me think he didn't tell him) then it's really starting to get a little weird that no one else knew, or acted like they didn't know because it was more convenient that way.

Now Sanders knowing doesn't shock me because he strikes me not only as someone who is FAR more aware that people give him credit for, but also someone who has spent his whole life whenever possible watching over Michael. But Eduardo? Not just knowing that the two of them were seen being in the same place which could just be friends, or even that they've been sleeping together, but very confidently stating he knows that Alex fell in love?! Where is he getting that? Because either there is some shady ass surveillance shit going on that even Alex missed, or...???? they weren't good at hiding, I guess? Because this all clearly means they HAD to have contact over the Lost Decade.

But again, if that's the case and they just weren't good at hiding it, how did m*ria never guess before? Liz I can understand because she left and never looked back and clearly hadn't kept in touch very much with anyone. And to be fair Max makes a comment like he has a inkling, as does Isobel, but the big thing is that they never bring it up in season 2. You're telling me "deeply sad romantic Max wouldn't at least try to talk to Michael about it? Wouldn't draw the parallel with Jenna and say he understands trying to find something else but how it didn't work and it's Alex's friend so maybe Michael should be careful? You're telling me MAX EVANS would pass up the chance at a self-righteous lecture about going after your ex's friends? And Isobel. You're telling me Isobel wouldn't be the type to call Michael out for going after his ex's BFF? You're telling me Certified Mean Girl Isobel Evans wouldn't be the type to call m*ria out for going after her BFF's ex?! Like, there is no way Isobel wasn't making snide comments about that shit if she had any idea what Alex and Michael have meant to each other over the years. Gregory knew Michael was important enough that he was willing to take a bullet to protect Michael for Alex's sake, and Isobel doesn't even get to throw a little shade at m*ria about it?! Or at least have a heart-to-heart with Michael about it?

And if m*ria is as psychic as the show wants us to believe and as we've seen her be in other cases, how are they trying to play that not only did she NOT know, but when she DID know, she was able to tell Alex was hopeful, but not that Michael was lying when he said things were over? That she couldn't tell how deep and important and chaotic that connection was? Nah fam. Not buying it. And you know what? It's fine! People, who aren't always bad people are sometimes bad friends, or are good friends, but make mistakes and hurt the people they care about, sometimes purposefully doing something they want to or think will make them happy even knowing it might hurt someone else. That's life! So, say m*ria knows, and goes after Michael anyway, and then finds out she doesn't really know him or even really want him and now has to face that she did a selfish thing and hurt a friend for no reason. That? THAT could have been interesting character growth for her! That could have been a way to address that she feels all alone because Rosa died and Liz and Alex left and she got left behind. That she feels overwhelmed because she's running business and side hustles and caring for her mom and she's maxed out and wanted to be selfish and do something SHE wanted for once. It could have been a way to address season 1 and everyone using her for information without telling her what was going on and how that made her feel, and learning to ask for help and support when she needs it, and everyone else learning to step up and offer support even when she doesn't ask. Which would tie in nicely to Alex's talk with Liz about this very issue in season 1. If they really wanted to fix the mess from last season? This could have been a better way to go.

[missbrunettebarbie]

Top 5 characters you'd like to see gender-swapped

I assume this is because of the genderbent!Kirigan gifset? I honestly don't really want genderbents, but sometimes I am curious how a story would look like with a female character in the male lead's role. So, the following aren't really genderbents as much as...types of fenale characters I would like to see.

1. The Darkling - Since I assume, he started the whole mess. The revolutionary hero turned villain is...a narrative I could do without, as Daenerys Targaryen's last season on GOT proved. But I like the idea of an older, cunning, devious woman seducing the young naive heroine. I want a General Aleksandra Kirigan, who builds armies and wants to dethrone kings and has a very inconvinient crush on the silly girl that turned against her.

2. Lucifer Morningstar - Any version of Lucifer actually. If you want to have a heretic take why not go the extra mile and turn the rebellious angel into a woman. I want the rage, the bitterness at being tossed aside and forgotten from a female POV. Also just imagine how much female!Lucifer would change the dynamic with Eve in the garden. Both of them put in secondary roles wrt God/Adam. Both of them wanting more than they were taught to want. Eating the apple, defying God, forever banished for their great mistake!

3. Patrick Jane - Jane is a hybrid of two types of characters "hero obsessed with revenge for his family" and "eccentric and arrogant man, but very good at his job" aka the Gregory House-type as I like to call it. And these types are almost always male. I cannot think of a single exception for the former and can only come up with Beth Harmon as a female!House character. For once I would love a "She's self-centered and has no respect for anyone or anything, but she's the best at what she does" narrative or a "She wants revenge for hee husband's and children's murder" narrative. They don't have to come together, but I am tired of only guys being put in these roles.

4. Angel(us) - Totally my OC's,-Juliet's- fault. It made me realize that we have Angel, Stefan Salvatore, Edward Cullen etc, but no vampire woman has had her story told yet. Idk if I will ever do it with Juliet, despite the fact that I have some ideas for an anthology of short stories maybe (how she got herself turned into a vampire, her on-off relationship with her sire, her figuring out vampire politics till finally we have Juliet picking up every stray that crosses her path, Bruce Wayne style). But anyway, the point is I want a female vampire whose story is hers and hers alone.

5. Dad Bruce Wayne - Surprisingly, I don't even mean a female Batman. As I said, I want the Bruce Wayne that picks up kids left and right and be celebrated by the fandon for it. Where are my "mom energy" characters, huh?

[mudwingprince]

HJKNDKLFJRUHJKSDFGKHLSDGH THERES SO MUCH TO DECIPHER!

1. Glamrock Freddy’s eyes dont glow red in the same way that the rest of the other animatronics do, is that because in the other teaser he seems to be protecting Gregory? But then why is he looking for him in this one?

2. WHO THE FUCK IS THAT AT THE END??? My brother thinks its one of the nightmare animatronics where i think its either one of the withered animatronics or glitchtrap

3. SPEAKING OF GLITCHTRAP- is that his voice at the beginning? 

4. In the glitch sequences, you can see a rabbit, i’m pretty sure its Vanny and, for some reason, Toy Bonny

5. There’s a lot of sun and moon symbolism, including sun and moon animatronics, is there a reason? (i first heard this from another theory, but idk where, so just wanna say that i take literally no credit

(these next two “theory” things involve the books, shush, they’re canon to some extent, also i havent finished them, im just gathering evidence from other theories)

6. The book Silver Eyes takes place in a mall. Security Breach takes place in a mall. See where im going with this? I think that they remade the mall, and leading back to my second theory thing, some of the older animatronics will come crawling back and make another appearance

7. The ball pit is weird. In one of the scenes, its bright and seems friendly-ish and somewhat welcoming, and in the other scene, its dark and spooky. NOW, in Into the Ball Pit, Oswald travels back in time with the ball pit, so maybe this has something to do with that, maybe a flashback or some story about Gregory or the Security Guard (idk if they have a released name). Maybe they’re friends, or family? Or maybe its about the new animatronics?

now, some of my other random things that i wanna bring up

It’s a hide and seek game! Yaaaayyyy *shudders*

Vanny’s hop is really creepy

THIS GAME LOOKS AWESOME

Roxxane Wolf is really... interesting... to look at... *prepares to draw her too many times*

Same thing for Montgomery Gator... and really all of the characters, they look really cool

*incoherent screaming*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAKLJSDFGHRSFGDJKHNJLSGHKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[lady-plantagenet]

♦▼ for clarence and ☼☯ for anthony woodville!

Asked via the Headcanon Meme: https://lady-plantagenet.tumblr.com/post/634584063141920769/headcanon-meme. Thank you darling! X (at least I sprinkled a bit of history in all this).

George Duke of Clarence

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon

- One Hobby/Quirk headcanon -

According to household accounts and information about his education, George knew how to play the harp and the lute. I headcanon him as continuing with those hobbies well into his adulthood. I don’t know if it’s maybe the fact that George had far less presence in the battlefield than his brothers - only Barnet and Tewksbury he actually fought in and his troops are never on the main battle charts which indicates they were not the most important, he was given the largest retinue to lead to France but as we know, there was rather more talking than bloodshed there ahasjd. Or if it’s maybe the fact that his actions and phrases denote an unusually emotional man... but I always saw him as rather sensitive and that also reflecting in his hobbies. I also headcanon him as being rather particular with his clothing (exposed to great finery since the age of 12), and so relished spending hours badgering his tailor over the smallest details regarding colours, designs, patterns etc. At some points even Isabel gets a headache ahashj.

He also had great taste for elaborate architecture (historically, there were many designs he had in mind and renovations for Tutbury and Warwick castle, to make them less fortressy and more palatial but died before they could be completed), so I think that links. As for the harp and lute, I headcanon him as having great proefficiency in them but not interested in showing that off and so just playing when in his own homes and heard by very few people there. Not because he was modest or something (quite the contrary) but because he did not like to do anything competitively because he did not like being seen as bested by others, or worse being seen to fail because well.. pride and self-importance. He never participated in jousting for example, because he knew he could not handle the shame if he were beaten by the likes of Richard Woodville or Anthony or the score of prominent jousters. Also as a typical aristocrat, he never saw the point of having to ‘prove’ his gifts, nor work at them enough to be truly talented.

▼ - childhood headcanon

I’ve had this discussion at some point with a mutual about when George left Ireland, I think the conclusion was that he may have very well stayed there quite a bit, at least maybe until Richard III was born in Fotheringhay in 1452, or even later (for his own protection or as an enduring symbol of his father’s importance there and piece between Earls Ormond and Desmond, as his baptism was all about uniting those two godfathers). I have to look deeper into this but the truth is next to nothing is known of George’s life pre-1460.

I see his sister Margaret being with him until 1452 or so (I think Ashdowne-Hill put the possibility that Margaret accompanied their mother to Ireland), and treating him as her baby as four + year olds have been known to do, creating the link. But while she returned to England (most likely), he would stay there for a one more year or so, with the occasional visits from the godfathers for goodwill. And goodness, both James Butler 5th earl Ormond & Wiltshire and Thomas FitzGerald 7th Earl Desmond had something of a similar spirit to their godson: always up for a gallantry whether that be rebellion (a contemporary saying something similar regarding gallantry about pre-1469 George - I think it was Crowland), reputed handsomeness (with some vanity):

“Gregory records, at the First Battle of St Albans in 1455, Wiltshire "fought mainly with the heels, for he was frightened of losing his beauty" ahahaha idk why gives me some Clarence vibes

or personalities that attracted support, eager patrons. With the facts of an absent real father this headcanon, just sort of clicks whether it has any bearing in reality (yet I recall an Irish castle where he spent his early years in being mentioned, but forgot the name). I also headcanon him as having spent a part of his infant years with James FitzGerald around, though, he may have been a couple years older (birthdate not given). As they were god brothers and both from Yorkist families, of course this is the same James that gets executed under Edward’s name in 1467 (godfather Ormond gets executed after the battle of Towton). In addition to him, many other companions that were relatives and nephews of his godfathers I suppose would have been selected as the 5/6 year olds’ companions. I headcanon George as charming them all, leading to him being remembered fondly by the Irish because though records of his going there in his adult life contradict each other, he seemed to have left an impression somehow. Of course, all this attention and preening has contributed to his deluded self-image as a very very important man. I also headcanon him as picking up quite a bit of the native tongue, but like most young children, what is quickly learned is quickly forgotten.

Anthony Earl Rivers

☼ - appearance headcanon

When it comes to my story, I’m tempted to make him the ‘golden-haired’ knight that he tends to get depicted in fiction because thematically it drives home the whole George/Anthony foil thing we spoke about and intend to hint at.

But for me, this will always be my mental image of Anthony. With a very kind yet clever looking face, like in here. I also always headcanoned him as heavily resembling his sister, perhaps, because of their strong sibling bond (this depiction capture that too with the heart-shaped face, small thin nose, round eyes and cheekbones (come to think of it also the mouth) .

Like in his contemporary depiction [Him presenting the Dictes and Saying of the Philosophers] I see him as having a warm brown eyes and light brown hair, but with a twinge of auburn (whereas Elizabeth Woodville is more full on red-gold). Because of his keeping with a hair-shirt underneath, I tend to see him as rather thin and tall (nearer to Edward and Margaret’s height than Richard or George’s).

࿊ - likes/dislikes headcanon

- Likes - (aside from what we know: philosophy, poetry, literature, religion, tournaments)

As a result of: That bit in one of his works where he (with great wit and subtlety) calls Plato out for his misogyny, him being a reader of Christine de Pizan (the only man at that time who I can recall), his strong relationship with his mother, sister and friendship with Margaret of Burgundy... I’ve headcanoned him as having a deeper appreciation and ‘like’ (more like respect) for womenhood than most of the others. And with an interest in the discourse that must have been going on post-De Pizan and Joan of Arc.

I also have this weird headcanon of him getting an insane fascination with Wales, the people, the Celtic remnants in its folklore - that is, once he establishes there with his nephew. And tried to absorb as much of it as possible. Particularly because he strikes me as one who though a great appreciator of beauty, is more attached to the natural, less ornate rather than the florid and goldeness of the london courts. As he was a well-traveled man this isn’t so far-fetched I suppose. I also headcanon him as a massive fan of Arthuriana (he did after all have all the features of chivalry) and would see himself as a Merlin to Prince Edward’s Arthur.

- Dislikes - (aside from war apparently)

I always saw him as taking a profound dislike to Edward’s debauchery later in his reign, especially, when it pertained infidelity to his sister. As somewhat of a stoic (not to say emotionless or robotic), he obviously did not say anything about it, but the disillusionment welled up in him, and he would find any excuse to not have to deal with it. By the time it came to leave for his guardianship, he was grateful for not having to see it. Of course, there remains mutual respect between him and Edward, during his pilgrimage I headcanon him as praying for Edward’s soul and for him to be guided back.

I always headcanoned him as never quite clicking with his wife. For some unknown reason e.g. perhaps she was a bit ignorant, dull or cold? We know very little about that marriage and it was quite brief nonetheless. There were no children and we never hear of them ever being in the same place, or references to mourning etc. Of course, since marriage is a sacrament and a way to connect with god, he feels a bit regretful about it, only in later life to realise, that some men are like Gawain, better suited to bachelorhood. But while respectful of women, few attain to his marianistic expectations (partly stemming from the image his sister projects). Overall, a dislike for this sort of inner-conflict.

[rivalsforlife]

"Eventually Miles said, “Do you want to know when it happened, when I realized it, or when I came to terms with it?” / “You have three answers?” / “Technically four. Don’t be a hypocrite, you rejected me even though you were in love with me —”" and the rest of the scene if you want to haha, not a lot fits in the ask box :P

Alright!! I’ll do... most of the scene haha, there is one part of the scene I really want to point out, so I’ll once again put this under a keep reading so I don’t take up all this space on people’s dashboards...

Okay!

So basically this part of the scene existed because... I kind of wanted to touch on Miles’ perspective throughout this entire fic as well as a handful of headcanons for Miles and also so that I could fit in a bunch of narumitsu fluff in there somewhere, since my notes for this chapter were pretty much to just shove as much fluff as possible to make up for the rest of it. 

In some ways I’m kind of regretting talking about Miles’ perspective because that reduces some of my flexibility for possibly rewriting this fic entirely from Miles’ perspective OR the handful of jumbled scenes that could potentially form a sequel someday... but honestly writing has been like pulling teeth lately so who knows if that will happen at all. Either way I’m sure I’ll be able to get it to work somehow. (Also kind of... directly pointing out what Miles was feeling when it probably would’ve been a better decision to leave it implicit but WHATEVER TOO LATE NOW --)

“When did you fall in love with me?”

Miles didn’t say anything, and Phoenix might have thought he fell asleep again if it weren’t for his breathing. It didn’t line up with what Phoenix had learned from experience, when Miles fell asleep.

Eventually Miles said, “Do you want to know when it happened, when I realized it, or when I came to terms with it?”

“You have three answers?”

when you’re Miles Edgeworth emotions are waaaaay more complicated than they need to be huh. Since this scene was just Dumping Ground For My Headcanons they for the most part tend to line up with what I think most of the time, buuut I might go into more detail a little later.

“Technically four. Don’t be a hypocrite, you rejected me even though you were in love with me —”

Phoenix shushed him by clapping a hand over his mouth, except he missed in the dark and slapped Miles’ nose instead. “Whoops! Sorry. Okay. Give me all four.”

aww see they can laugh about it now like Miles didn’t cry for several hours after the rejection :’) 

“I should have guessed,” Miles sighed. He used the hand not currently squished against his side by Phoenix’s entire body to hold Phoenix’s hand, guiding it down from his face and holding it against his chest.

This is me trying to find a way to write affection in a way that isn’t totally awkward... uh so basicallyyyy I am not a very affectionate person and I don’t think Miles is particularly big on physical affection most of the time, so when I write him trying to express affection I typically go for subtler things... like hand-holding and such, because I think even that much would be a pretty big deal for him when it wouldn’t be for some other people.

Pretty much every time in this fic he initiates any form of physical touch (which is pretty often because he is attempting to Court Phoenix (ba dum tshhh)) it’s something that he’s deliberately thought through and deliberately initiated, as opposed to like... Phoenix who does it more unconsciously. (And of course not all of Miles’ initiation of physical affection is strictly romantic, I like to headcanon him making an effort towards platonic physical affection as well towards his friends + found family members... just putting this here to cover my bases so no one thinks every time Miles puts his hand on someone’s shoulder he’s flirting with them haha that’s NOT what I was going for, more that he’s aware that lots of people enjoy physical contact and see that as a way of expressing affection, and he’s trying to get better at expressing affection, and Phoenix happens to be one of those people he is expressing affection to, in both the platonic and romantic sense.)

(That was a very long paragraph for literally one sentence about affection hahahaha...)

“Well, I am fairly sure I had a crush on you in fourth grade.”

“No, you didn’t. I had a crush on you in fourth grade, I changed my whole career for you because of it. You were in love with your law books.”

“I told you I ‘liked’ you and you started talking about girls.”

“O-Okay, sorry I didn’t know about bisexuality when I was nine, give me a break here.”

I waver back and forth on whether Miles had a little baby crush on Phoenix in fourth grade or not, I guess when I wrote this I was feeling that way! Anyways this line is referencing the flashback part of chapter 3:

“Do you like anyone, Miles?”

Miles blinked. “I like you.”

Phoenix’s face reddened. “N-No, I meant like-like. You know, like a girl.”

Miles looked at the ground, and his face was red as well.

this fic would have been over with SO MUCH FASTER if Phoenix actually knew what he meant there -- 

My interpretation is pretty much always that Phoenix had a little baby crush on Miles in fourth grade, but it wasn’t until he got older that he realized that it was a crush and not just pure idolization -- which was definitely part of it too, and I could probably write thousands of words on how baby Phoenix’s idolization crush on Miles when he was younger shaped some of their interactions throughout the trilogy but I’m not going to get into that now. I thiiink I said in this fic somewhere that Phoenix didn’t realize he was bi until he was in his teens, so baby Phoenix just thought that Miles was His Best Friend Who He Wants To Hang Out With All The Time And Hold Hands With And If Miles Were A Girl Phoenix Would Want To Kiss Him, and at some point adult Phoenix remembers this train of thought and goes “... wait.”

As for Miles, in the universe of this fic he figures out that he’s gay pretty young, probably largely influenced by Larry talking constantly about girls while Miles complains to his father “I don’t know why Larry’s talking about how pretty [girl of the day] is, I think Phoenix has a nicer smile” while Gregory tries to pretend his laughter is him choking on his dinner. And I think Gregory was an excellent father who loved and supported his son, and probably talked about it a bit with him and made sure Miles knew he was always loved and supported no matter what and --

Anyways, there’s that.

The next paragraphs are mostly them talking about the situations where Miles did fall in love with Phoenix (Turnabout Goodbyes) and then realized it (after Farewell, My Turnabout/ when Phoenix fell off the bridge) then kind of... repressed it until post-canon because he didn’t think he was ready yet and they weren’t really in the right place. I don’t have much to say about it because it’s all pretty straightforward stuff...

Then Phoenix deflects Miles asking about when he fell in love, because Phoenix is still struggling a bit with expressing his emotions this way haha. Also because he was in denial for a really long time so he can’t quite pinpoint exact moments aside from “the moment Miles stood up for him during the class trial”, but much like Miles he’s probably had multiple realizations of love throughout his life.

My personal headcanons though is that Phoenix genuinely thought he was just helping out a friend throughout the trilogy... and then sometime during disbarment, possibly during one of those Europe trips, he realizes “oh crap I loved him the whole time”. Obviously in this fic Phoenix doesn’t realize he’s in love with Miles until the cherry blossom petals scene at the end of chapter 4 and then can’t quite articulate that feeling as love rather than more general attraction until the end of chapter 8 after reading Trucy’s note. (Where the last psyche-lock breaks!)

What I DO want to talk about though is this line at the end of the scene:

“It doesn’t matter when I realized it,” Phoenix whispered. “What matters most is that we’re here, together, now.”

No one’s pointed it out so idk if it was too subtle or too obvious that it didn’t need pointing out, but it’s a callback to this line in chapter 4:

Edgeworth stared at him with an unreadable expression, almost curious. “Well, you don’t have to say anything,” he said. “What matters most is that I can be here with you now.”

It’s a very slight difference in the last part of the dialogue, but an important one!! 

I had an interesting conversation with my best friend a while ago... long story short her brother was in a relationship for a long time with this one woman then they broke up and now he’s engaged to a different woman, and they dated for a shorter time than the first. And my friend says that she and her family knew that this was a different relationship and that she was “the one” because the way they talked about doing things was different -- more of a “we’re going to do [x]” rather than “she and I are going to do [x]”. This probably isn’t really a real thing so like... don’t use it to judge relationships around you... but I thought it was pretty neat.

So in the conversation in chapter 4, Miles says “What matters most is that I can be here with you now”, which is still like exceptionally romantic, but it still sees the two of them as separate entities -- whereas Phoenix in chapter 9 saying “What matters most is that we’re here, together, now” sort of phrases the two of them as more of a unit. ... not that they’re not still separate entities with their own lives outside of just each other of course but you know. you know. just having some fun with sentences!

Anyways that’s what I really wanted to talk about... I hope you enjoyed!!

[gregcollins]

’ ･ﾟ :  ❄ : ･.  INTRODUCTION  .･: ❄ :･ﾟ ’

⌠ hero fiennes-tiffin, twenty-two, cismale, he/him ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, gregory ‘ grey ‘ collins! according to their records, they’re a second year, specializing in awareness training, breath control, hand to hand combat + knife fighting skills, sword training, precision shooting, firearms & swat training; and they did go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of ( old rings to cover up bruised knuckles, face shadowed due to his hood always being up, scoffs being heard in the distance  ). when it’s the scorpio’s birthday on 11/20/1997, they always request their apple from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.

PAST

❄ Grey was born as Gregory Robert Collins in Edinburgh, UK ❄ His family was pretty much middle class, there was seriously nothing special about them that would make them stand out ❄ One would even say they were boring to an extend. Neighbors would just ignore them for the most part ❄ Especially when Grey grew older, he was a pretty quiet kid – never causing any trouble, partaking in group activities of Kindergarten and being an all around good kid ❄ However, around the time the male was a few months old his sister, Nina was born and then everything changed ❄ From the second she was reached around to everyone’s arms, everyone completely adored her – excluding her own brother ❄ As with any family, there of course was always some sort of jealousy when there was a new born. However, with the male it was more than that. He felt completely neglected already from a young age and he couldn’t even comprehend why just yet ❄ And it wasn’t just his parents, also his neighbors and with the years going by it were also his friends even if there was a small age gap ❄ So that envy continued, always being in the shadow of his sister whether it was more popular friends, getting better, more expensive gifts, being better at school as well as just generally being better at the majority of things and therefore getting more praise than he ever received ❄ So at one point, he started to act out, just deciding to not even try anymore in most regards, not studying anymore and hearing less and less about what his parents had to say ❄ Which ultimately resulted in his parents favoring Nina further, considering she was being the princess and he was just the irresponsible kid in the family ❄ So of course things had to spike up someday, Grey started smoking and drinking at the age of 16 – of course having that group of friends that wasn’t good at all for his behavior and health ❄ To his luck, however his parents didn’t find out for the longest time because they simply didn’t care much about what he was doing at that age, genuinely just focusing on their perfect child ❄ What his parents didn’t know though, his sister took note of and she found herself curious of how the life of her older brother would feel like ❄ Of course, Grey wasn’t too interested in having her join – wanting to have at least one thing to himself ❄ Though, after a long time of begging he figured it wouldn’t hurt if he brought her along to one of his friends parties and it was soon for this to become a routine thing ❄ This time instead, it wasn’t his sister taking away from the fun or making him feel left out – no they were genuinely bonding while partying and after a while, Grey even was beginning to enjoy having his sister around ❄ That didn’t mean that he had control of everything though. Luckily, they were smart in a way that their parents didn’t notice and Nina’s grades didn’t slack just yet but it had become a thing of her wanting to go without him on days when he didn’t feel like it and he quickly realized that she was enjoying it a little too much.

❄ TW; DRUG MENTION AND OVERDOSE: Grey has had his experience with party drugs but he never went to enjoy them too much, usually just staying to weed and alcohol instead because they didn’t fuck with his head too much. However, while there was a promise with his sister to never try them and he attempted to take care and protect her from that for long – there was one night where he was distracted by a girl and that’s when his sister was lured into trying the harder stuff. It didn’t last long for one of his friends to call him, telling him that his sister was unconscious on the bathroom floor and not much longer until her pulse stopped. ❄ Of course, Grey was completely devastated but it got even worse when their completely oblivious parents heard of the news. Though, like always, it wasn’t only his parents who blamed him for introducing her to this lifestyle and not taking care of him enough – the neighbors did too and eventually so did his friends. ❄ While the family bond with his side was already ruined from the get go, this only worsened. His parents even going as far as despising him until one point where he was almost 18 and they got into a large fight to when his father ended up abandoning him, forcing him to leave their household completely. ❄ This certainly wasn’t something a regular seventeen year old wanted to hear but after everything, he had obliged – dropping out of high school and instead joining a school he’s heard about from a friend, a spy school. ❄ It meant he’d be undercover, people not knowing what he did and lastly, to be away from his family. ❄ That’s also where he found his passion for combat, a way of just fueling his anger and energy into something productive and it was enough to get him into Gallagher as they started allowing males.

PERSONALITY

❄ Given his history, it’s not hard to believe that Grey is, although still quiet, short-tempered, snarky and generally unhappy ❄ He prefers not to talk to people too much, his replies always being short and without much emotion behind them ❄ He’s very, very stonefaced .. only ever furrows his brows or shakes his head at others ❄ He’s not very judgmental of anybody though, majorly himself because that was how he was raised ❄ Is very closed up, most might think he doesn’t even have a proper personality lmao ❄ Scoffs a lot ❄ He doesn’t drink anymore, although instead he smokes an excessive amount of weed since he believes that’s the only thing that calms him down

QUIRKS N SHIT

❄ His clothes are mainly dark hoodies because he does like to have it up and pretend like he’s not listening ❄ Someone once asked if he’s mute bc he never speaks ❄ Literally fears nothing ?? ay ❄ Has a weird protective kink … sister issues fam ❄ Sometimes paints his nails black ❄ Wants to have a lizard as a pet, idk he thinks they’re cool and fighty ❄ likes to wear rings ?? idk where he has that from he just thinks it rounds up his basic ass outfit ❄ likes to play basketball late at night ❄ loves, loves, loves to read ( don’t ask me what’s his favorite book is bc idk books )

UPDATES

❄ he’s the jealous type for some reason ?? but like he takes it very personal like once he’s envious he will most likely compare himself to that other person in every aspect n that’s toxic gregory smh ❄  he’ll go jump over his shadow to go out with people if he cares about them, most likely when he knows they’re drinking and he needs to be a sober buddy ❄ finds long drives really calming ❄ will kinda lie about having a sister ?? mad uncomfortable about talking about his home, most likely will just say he’s from England n that’s it ❄  addicted to coffee ?? never sleeps ?? trains too much ?? yes yes ❄  doesn’t know anything about movies/music or any other kind of media besides books ?? his childhood was playing in the bog thank u ❄  is fascinated by the slightest things ?? bc he’s not used to it, legIT EVERYTHING NORMAL IS LUXURY TO HIM ❄ has weird episodes where he just talks about strange stuff but only with people he’s really comfortable with ❄ gonna get a chamelon once they’re back from berlin yee yee ❄ uh, his prep school was in england ?? idk i just made that up recently so theres that

[mautadite]

december book round up

happy new year’s everyone! i had a pretty good book year this year; completed my goodreads challenge and surpassed it to boot, with a total of 148 books read. 10 less than last year, but still pretty good! :) i read 15 books in december that i’ll talk about now; i’ll hopefully post a yearly round up talking about the best and worst of 2019 some time today. also i’m not sure why goodreads has ballsed up the order but chronin was my last book of the year, not mstsk.

gideon the ninth - tamsin muir ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ very good, just, really good, i had a GOOD TIME with this book. very appealing to me specifically in the way stories about deep loyalty between two people often are. i loved all of the houses in some way, but especially i love gideon and her two lesbian brain cells. a reread is probably necessary for me to wrap my head around all of the world-building/magic/necro stuff but it was all very good. really looking forward to the sequels.  

being hers - anna stone ⭐️⭐️ lesbian bdsm romance between a grad student and a high-powered businesswoman. wasn’t particularly good, but also i didn’t hate it.

introducing mr. winterbourne - joanna chambers ⭐️⭐️⭐️ reread from earlier this year. really cute story of historical romance with a couple who have great chemistry.

mr. winterbourne’s christmas - joanna chambers ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ lysander and adam’s story continued a year or more later. i love house party stories; the ensemble cast thing really works for me somehow. this was super fun, really cute, and the women who i thought were lesbians turned out to indeed be lesbians. yaaaaas.

how to blow it with a billionaire - alexis hall ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ reread in preparation to read the last book of the series. now that i’ve read them all i think this is definitely my favourite, just for how tender it is, and the time they spend getting to know each other and how fucking nerdy caspian is.

how to belong with a billionaire - alexis hall ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ last book in the series. THEY GET HEIR HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!! i have to reiterate that billionaire romances aren’t my thing, and it’s only because i like alexis hall so much and i trust him that i gave this a chance. i’m glad i did. this third book took a few turns i wasn’t expecting, and the long periods of separation made me SO SAD. i loved what it said about abuse and recovery and kink. i just hated that the abuser didn’t die lol.

underground airlines - ben h. winters ⭐️⭐️⭐️ dystopian novel about a timeline in which abraham lincoln was assassinated way before he actually was in real life, and slavery was never abolished in the us (or other places? the book was very NA centric). now, in the 21st century a group of southern states known as the hard four still have legal slavery, and our protag is a black former slave working as a bounty hunter for the gov’t to capture runaways. my biggest problem with this novel is that it seems to cast ol’ abe as The Most Important Reason Why Slavery Was Abolished and because he never got the chance to do what he did then we’re supposed to think it’s completely believable that it never got abolished countrywide. i’m simplifying a lot of things in the book of course, but man, i couldn’t get over that. otherwise: neat premise, skilful writing, tender in unexpected ways. couldn’t help but headcanon the protag as queer.

life in bits - harper bliss, t.b. markinson ⭐️⭐️ contemporary lesbian romance. a successful photographer returns to her home town to convalesce after suffering a stroke; has a fling with a cute nurse that quickly turns into something more. i... didn’t really like it lol. :/ and i usually like harper bliss books a lot! idk how the authors handled the co-writing, but i didn’t like the writing style, and the main character just wasn’t appealing. and she was a grumpy older dyke which is usually CATNIP to me!! i just wasn’t interested in them as people, or in their relationship.

his cocky valet - cole mccade ⭐️⭐️⭐️ contemporary m/m romance about a spoilt rich kid who’s suddenly propelled to the top of his father’s business empire under traumatic circumstances, and the valet he hires who helps him keep his life on track. tropey as heck, but in a good way. got super intense kink-wise, in a way i didn’t exactly enjoy, but i think it was a good read overall

fake fiancee - clara reese ⭐️⭐️ f/f romance, two friends pretend to be fiancees but then fall in love for real. dawn needs to keep her uncle’s inheritance, which will allow her to open a home for battered women. her contractor gina has a sick brother who needs surgery. they pretend to be engaged to satisfy the will, and profit! cute, tropey in exactly the way i like, but the writing just didn’t have anything to recommend to it. hot tho.

borealis investigations 1-3 - gregory ashe ⭐️⭐️⭐️ two best friends operating a private detective agency that specialises in cases that involve the lgbtqia community. the best thing about this series was the chemistry between north and shaw. it was SO GOOD and the slow burn that moved them from best friends to lovers was CHEFS KISS so good. and all the delicious mutual pining. the mysteries in all three books were competent enough. kept me guessing. and i like ashe’s writing style and humour! but there were so many irritating things. an almost all lily-white cast in the first book (which is fine! write what you know!) with one single black character who was of course, predatory, evil and lusting after the innocent white boy. lots of little “haha sjws” moments (mostly involving pari, their indian temp whom i loved, but man she got done dirty) . making fun of neo-pronouns. fights about nothing to induce drama. and the writing style started to grate on me at some point. it’s frustrating because i could have so easily LOVED these books. instead i just liked them.

my sister, the serial killer - oyinkan brathwaite ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ mystery/thriller set in nigeria. korede is the quintessential long-suffering older sister to ayoola. ayoola is beautiful beyond words, gets all the attention, and everyone thinks she can do no wrong. but korede knows better, because ayoola has a bad habit of killing her boyfriends, and calling korede to help her clean up the mess. oops! the book starts with her third murder. i loved this; predictable in some ways, but well written, wsitty, and very engaging because of the culture and these terrible wonderful characters.

chronin volume 2 - alison wilgus ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ conclusion to the chronin two-parter; a fun time travelling romp that grabbed me by the whole heart. mirai struggles to confront the events that have transpired in this new past, has some revelations, and saves the damn day. i’m so glad this was my last book of the year, purely for how HAPPY it made me. i read the last forty or so pages with my hand on my heart. 

and that’s it for december, and 2019! it’s been an up and down year for me personally, but it’s been a good year in terms of books. really happy that i’ve been able to continue reading a lot; reading was the love of my teenage years and reconnecting with that, with just the love of getting lost in a book for a few hours... it’s great. admittedly i read a lot of schmoopy gay romance but hey guess what? romance novels are good actually.

for 2020 i hope to read more of my two other loves, science fiction and fantasy. and if i can get scifi and fantasy that’s also gay, even better! like i said i’ll post my yearly round up later today hopefully, but if you’re interested, here’s my year in books from goodreads in the mean time.

currently reading my first book of the decade: a land so wild by elyssa warkentin.

[heeydolan]

College {G.D.}

Summary: Family weekend at her sister’s college doesn’t go quite as she expected it to but Y/N is unexpectedly and completely satisfied with the outcome.

A/N: This is just a random thought that came to my head and it kinda ~exploded~ lol. There isn’t going to be a part 2 and I’m not making this a series but I do plan on doing other imagines that you could say ‘go along’ with this (it doesn’t make sense right now but it will later on. lol.) 

Warnings: cussing (???)

WC: 10.2k

masterlist

The ride to my older sister’s college didn't take as long as we expected. Mom and Dad finally took a weekend off from working at their busy law firm to make the drive to see Lindsey.

"We made a four-hour drive in just three and a half hours," my dad chuckles to himself, "impressive right, Jenny?"

"Sure Gregory." Mom replies with no emotion as she closes her laptop and slides it in the brown Michael Kors bag she always carries around. My dad has always been really laid back and goofy. He's a lawyer for the firm my family owns and my mom runs the whole place. He doesn't have near as much to worry about as her which makes her attitude towards this weekend pretty understandable.

I text my sister, Lindsey, letting her know we’re here and she confirms that she will meet us at the main building.

All three of us pile out of the car. I grab my rolling suit case and close the back of the Range Rover. I'm the only one that grabs a bag as I am staying with my sister in her dorm while our parents stay in a hotel.

We walk up to the main building and I see the banner that reads 'Welcome Family and Friends to Savannah College of Art and Design Family Weekend.'

Lindsey is attending SCAD for photography, as it has always been her passion. She's been taking pictures since she found our parents’ old polaroid when she was seven. She's now twenty and in her second year of college.

It's my senior year of high school and she has been trying to convince me to come here for college.

Art and design really isn't my thing, but when I tell her that, she still tries to push it.

"Mom! Dad! Y/N!" I hear a screech from an oh-so familiar voice.

"Sweetie! Hi! I've missed you so!" Mom exclaims as she pulls Lindsey into a tight hug. This is the first time all day I've seen her smile.

Not trying to be one of those daughters but I know Lindsey has always been Moms favorite. Dad never acted like he had a favorite though so it didn't bother me too much. He's always treated Lindsey and I as if we’re equal.

"Hey bear, you look beautiful as always." Dad says as he engulfs her in a hug as well.

"Thanks daddy," Lindsey starts as they pull apart then she looks at me, "and my favorite sister in the entire world!" She pulls me into a hug. "I've missed you the most," she whispers in my ear.

"You better have," I whisper back. She grabs my bag and rolls it for me. We follow her as she begins walking closer to the tall building in front of us. I catch up to her and walk by her side as Mom and Dad walk hand-in-hand behind us.

She explains what is what and what is where as we walk straight through the main building and out of the doors on the other side. We are now at the court yard of the school. She leads us down the sidewalk that makes a huge circle around the grassy area, with a few alternate paths to take. We go down one of the other ways and eventually make it to another set of doors.

"This is my building. It's so much nicer than the one I lived in last year."

"Well honey, we told you we would have paid for you to live in an apartment." Mom chimes in.

"Yeah but what fun would that have been? I came to experience college. Plus, I survived." We get to the elevator and she presses the button for the sixth floor. That seems to be the highest you can go considering it is the highest number next to any of the buttons. We finally make it to the top and Lindsey's "front door" is only three doors down from the elevator.

Convenient.

She opens the door and we are immediately in the kitchen. It's small but has all of the appliances a regular kitchen would have.

There's a small bar with two barstools and then directly after you pass that is the living room area. It has two small couches, a coffee table, and a flat screen T.V. mounted on the wall. The decorations are adorable but not the way I would decorate. It's simple but artsy­– as it should be considering Lindsey and her roommate are enrolled in an art school.

"Do you like your roommate? Is she nice? Do we need to get you your own apartment to live in?" Mom bombards Lindsey with questions.

"No Mom I swear I do not want to live in an apartment. You can stop asking now." And with that my mom stops talking. Lindsey puts my bag in her room and Mom sets her laptop up on the bar and takes a seat on one of the stools.

"Really Jenny? We just got here. Don't you want to spend some time with Lindsey before getting on that thing?"

"Business doesn't take breaks, Gregory." That has always been something she has said since I was little. Lindsey just rolls her eyes and begins to tell us about her recent photography project she's been working on for class.

Not even a minute into her story, the door swings open and a girl with long brown hair walks in with five other people behind her. I assume this is my sister’s roommate and her family.

"Hey Linds!" the dark haired girl yells as her and her followers gather into the kitchen and close the door.

"Cam! You're back sooner than I thought you'd be. Mom, Dad, Y/N, this is my roommate, Cameron, and her family."

"It's so nice to meet you all! I've heard so much about you Y/N! This is my mom, Lisa, dad, Sean, brothers, Ethan and Grayson, and Ethan's girlfriend, Blair." Everyone mingles and I take a seat on the couch and look at my phone for the first time since I got here.

I have multiple notifications from snapchat, Instagram, and twitter but the few notifications I wish weren’t there are the texts from my ex-boyfriend.

- - -

Micah

Y/N i am sorry. idk how else to make it up to you. it meant nothing forgive me please.

hello?

real mature Y/N. stop ignoring me we aren't 5.

answer me please.

REALLY FUCKING IMMATURE THANK GOD I CHEATED ON YOUR ASS Y/N YOU DONT DESERVE ME ANYWAYS.

- - -

"Hey are you ok?" I look up to one of the boys Cameron introduced as her brother. The other one and the girl come over to me as well. They look alike so it’s kind of hard to tell who is who.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine!"

"You looked a little upset," the other guy says and the girl grabs his hand. I assume that is Ethan considering Cameron said that's his girlfriend.

"I swear, I'm fine!" I say with a smile. I really am fine. Micah cheated on me two months ago. It bothered me at the time because I thought we loved each other, but I quickly realized that wasn't love.

"I'm Grayson," the guy who asked me if I was ok first speaks up, "this is my twin brother Ethan and his girlfriend Blair."

"Yeah she knows that dude. Cam already told her." Ethan smacks the back of his head then sits with Blair on the opposite couch. Grayson shrugs off his brother’s slap and plops down on the coffee table in front of me.

"So, where are you from?" Grayson asks.

"A small town right outside of Atlanta. It's only about a four-hour drive from here," I pause for a second as they took that in, "unless you drive like my dad, you can make it in about three and a half hours."

"That's crazy. We're from New Jersey and that's a twelve-hour drive." Ethan starts.

"And that's why we fly." Grayson says giving Ethan a look. "We love our sister but we couldn't do a twelve-hour road trip with our parents." He whispers the last part I assume not to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Blair gets up to go to the bathroom and Ethan walks into the kitchen to get a drink. Grayson stays sitting in front of me and I'm perfectly fine with that. He's not exactly an eye sore.

We continue to ask about each other and I find out him and Ethan are seventeen like me.

"Alright, so Lisa, Sean, Dad, and I are going to take Lindsey and Cameron out for a late dinner. We're going in their rental car since it's bigger so here's the keys to our car. Be careful if you four go anywhere." My mom says as she leans over the couch from behind and hands me the keys.

They all leave and we are all alone in Cameron and Lindsey's apartment.

"So what do y'all want to do?" I ask.

"Well," Grayson looks down at his phone to check the time, "it's only almost eight and the sun sets at nine so we can ride to Tybee Island and watch it set on the beach?"

"Yes good idea!" Blair jumps up off the couch, clapping her hands.

"That's fine let me go change really quick then we can go!" I say as I fast walk to Lindsey's room and shut the door behind me. I take off my t-shirt and Nike shorts and slide into my high wasted jean shorts and a plain, black tank top. I walk out of the room and grab the car keys and my phone off the couch where I was previously sitting and make my way towards the door. The twins and Blair follow closely behind.

The car ride to Tybee Island was about a thirty-minute drive from the college. That gave us just enough time to walk a little way down the beach and find a spot to watch the sun set.

"Babe, let's go watch down here so it's not awkward for new girl when we're making out." Blair says with a sneer. Ethan looked at me with sorry eyes but I assume she didn't mean it in a bad way considering she doesn't really know me. He then looked at Grayson as if he needed approval.

"It's fine dude. Go ahead. Y/N's cool I like hanging out with her. Just meet at the car around 9:45 to 10." Ethan nods with a smile and walks off with Blair– after she rolls her eyes at me that is. Grayson and I sit there for a minute before he speaks up.

"I'm really sorry about Blair."

"Why are you sorry?" I lightly laugh

"I don't know she's always just been very protective of E and me. I used to date her best friend and she started dating Ethan not too long after." He picked up the sand between his legs and watched it fall as he spoke softly. "Brooke and I broke up about six months ago and I haven't talked to her since. But, of course, Blair has been around and Brooke's been with her. It wasn't a bad break up or anything, I just wasn't feeling it with her. It's like she took the fame to her head and I wasn't dating the same person anymore."

"What is she famous for?" I ask, almost wishing I didn't. Grayson took a good 30 seconds to answer so I thought I said something wrong. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"

"No you're fine," he chuckles, "she's not famous for anything but dating me." I give him a confused look because I genuinely do not know what he means. "I mean I guess 'fame' wasn't the right word. More like the attention got to her head." I think he realizes that I'm still confused so he continues talking. "I'm Grayson Dolan."

"I mean I know you're Grayson," I pause, not wanting to offend him in any way, "but I don't know why she would get so much attention from dating you."

"Oh gosh," he laughs, "you really don't know who Ethan and I are, do you?" I shake my head and give him an apologetic look. "We make videos on YouTube."

"Oh!" I smile, finally realizing who he is, "You're one of the Dolan Twins other people talk about in their videos!"

"Bingo!" he smiles.

"Yeah I've heard of y'all I don’t know why it didn’t click before. I'm sorry I haven't watched any videos, I mostly only watch Colleen/Miranda, Shane Dawson, and Vlog Squad." I look out at the ocean in front of me, kind of too embarrassed to look at him.

"It's fine I promise. Just sounds like you have to get to know me in person and not over the internet." I feel him smiling at me then I smile down into the sand.

"Sounds good to me." We talk more about our families, friends, school, and life as the sun sets in front of us. He tells me more about Brooke and how she has tried to reach out to him but he's not interested.

"But yeah, about Blair, just ignore her. Really I wish Ethan would just break up with her." I give him a questioning look and he continues. "She used to not be bad. The four of us always hung out and it was fun. But after the break up, she's changed a lot. It's like any girl that's around, she has to let them know that she's dating Ethan then intimidates them into thinking they can't date me. Then she complains about everything and-" he stops and looks at me, "I'm sorry I'm just talking your ear off about her and I swear I'm not this negative of a person."

"It is perfectly fine I swear to you. If you need to let off some steam go right ahead, I'm here to listen."

He thinks for a minute then starts again, "it's just been a long trip with her. We left LA Wednesday to get to Jersey then flew out here this morning. The things she does and says make us look bad and we aren't those types of guys."

"Well, you've made a pretty good impression on me so far and she hasn't had any influence on that." I smile at him and I see him blush a little but he quickly looks back down. The sun is almost gone, as if it sunk into the ocean. It's darker and a few degrees cooler. Now I'm regretting the tank top and shorts.

"Ya know, if I had a jacket, I'd totally give it to you." He moves closer to me and I start to smell his scent. He puts his left arm over my shoulders and wraps his right arm around the front of me, holding his own hands to keep us together.

Normally, if this were anyone else, under any other circumstances, I'd push them away.

With Grayson, it just feels right. I'm not sure what this is to him, or if I will even speak to him after this weekend, but for some reason I just let it happen.

I've never been known as one of those girls who just give it up so easily. Micah was the only guy I ever had sex with and if I could take that back, I would. 

But like I said before, I thought I loved him. I thought we would be together forever and I thought we were each other’s one and only. Obviously, I was wrong and I’m so glad I was.

My thoughts are interrupted by my phone vibrating in my pocket. I automatically assume it's my mom wondering where we are so I just answer it.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Why have you been ignoring my texts?" That is not my mom’s voice. I feel my face get hot and I knew it was red with anger. My lips clinch together as I hold in the words I've been wanting to say to him. "Hello? Y/N?" I keep quiet as I try not to let this work me up too badly. I haven't heard his voice since the day I caught him in bed with some girl in his dorm room. 

Imagine driving an hour away to surprise your boyfriend at college and walking in on him and some girl doing it.

I hope he got an STD.

I hang up the phone and place it in my back pocket as I stand up. "We should probably get back. Mom and Dad still have to get a hotel for the night so they'll need the car."

"That's fine. Also, I uh- I'm sorry about the whole arm thing just then." Grayson says as we walk back towards the car. I smile at him but I know he can't see me because of how dark it is from the sun completely disappearing.

"It's fine, I promise." I wrap an arm around his waist and he drapes his over my shoulders. We walk like this until we reach the car and part our ways to the opposite sides.

"Finally," Blair scoffs towards me, "you said 9:45."

"I said 9:45 to 10, Blair. It's 9:55." Grayson defends. If I didn't know how Blair was, I'd think Grayson was just being a total douchebag to his brother’s girlfriend. But because of what he told me, I know he's just retaliating her snide remarks. 

I keep my mouth shut and unlock the car. I hop in the driver’s seat and Grayson gets in the passenger side. Ethan opens the back door for Blair and I can't help but admire how gentlemen-like he is.

We ride for about 15 minutes with no sound but the radio. I'm too scared to say a word because I don't want Blair to say anything out of the way to me. Seconds later, the radio is interrupted by a phone call. It's my phone ringing through bluetooth and I automatically decline as soon as I see it's Micah.

"Is that who was on the phone at the beach?" Grayson questions. I quietly nod. "Is he your boyfriend?"

"Ex," I quickly say, "I don't have a boyfriend." In my peripherals I see Grayson nod his head and slowly look out the window with a smirk on his face.

"Gray isn't single are you, Gray?" Blair suddenly states from the middle of us two. Before he has time to answer her she continues, "him and my best friend Brooke have had a thing for years! They broke up six months ago but I know for a fact they're getting back together."

"And what facts are those, Blair?" He adjusts himself in his seat so he can look at her face-to-face.

"I just know. I predicted you two would be together and I’m predicting now that it will happen again."

"Those aren't facts," I hear myself say. "Did I say that out loud?" Blair seems taken aback and Grayson and Ethan snicker.

Honestly, at first I wasn't sure if what Blair was saying was true. I mean, it shouldn't mean anything to me anyways but I already had such a good impression of Grayson so far, I didn't want to have to think he was a liar. But since her "facts" weren't so much of facts, I start to realize what Grayson meant by her making them look bad.

We finally make it back to the visitor parking lot at SCAD without hearing another word from Blair. Ethan and her get out quick and are out of sight before I even get my seat belt off.

"Did I say something wrong?" I laugh, referring to Blair’s sudden disappearance.

"Not even close. Everything she says is wrong so don't sweat it." Grayson chuckles a little, "you are, although, the first person to say something smart back to her. Props to you Y/N." We laugh for a second together then start getting out of the car. "I am single by the way. Just want you to know that." I smile at him through the car, as we are standing on either side we just slid out of.

“Good to know.” I smirk and close my door. He does the same right after. We walk around the tall building since it locks at a certain time every night.

The walk is silent but comfortable. Grayson is super sweet and I'm really growing to like him as a person. We reach the building our sisters live in and take the elevator to the top. When we walk in, everyone in our families are sitting in the living room and Blair on her phone at the bar.

"Alright, I think it's time we head on out." My dad says and Mom grabs her things.

"Us too. Lots of activities tomorrow." Lisa speaks up. Grayson and Ethan follow their parents out and Blair doesn't move. I assume she's staying the night with Cameron. 

Mom and Dad hug Lindsey and I and say their goodnights. They let us know we need to be ready by eight in the morning so that we don't waste the day. I'm not sure what they have planned, but knowing Mom, it will be a lot.

Lindsey and I settle in her room after we both have showered and got ready for bed. She looks down at her phone and squeals a little. "What?" I question.

"Nothing." She quickly looks up with a straight face. I let it go because I'm too exhausted to try and figure her out– trust me, it's a long process to get something out of Lindsey. "So, what's new? Love life? Any cute boys you've met lately?" I see where she's getting at with this but it's literally not even what she thinks.

"Linds, I talk to you every day. You stay updated on everything in my life. What could you possibly not know about me?" She gives me a 'bitch-the-fuck' look and I laugh.

"Come on, Y/N. How do you feel about Grayson?"

"Grayson who?"

"Y/N!" She hits me with a pillow and I quickly hit her back before getting comfortable again.

"I don't know," I begin and play with my fingers, "I mean I only just met him and I'm super nervous about ever trying anything with a guy again because of what happened with Micah. But I can tell, just from talking to Grayson, that he is nothing like all the other guys I've met. He's also not very hard on the eyes." I smile down into my lap, looking at my fingers.

I hear a laugh and quickly look up towards the door where it came from. "Oh cute, new girl has a crush on our Gray. How... sweet." She pauses. "Did I say sweet? I mean pathetic." It's Blair and she has her phone up as if she's recording the whole thing.

In fact, I know she is recording because I hear the beep after she stops the recording. "And that's going straight to Grayson and Ethan. Consider us even for you back talking me in the car. Don't cross me, boo."

Lindsey stands up but I quickly pull her back down on the bed. "Leave it alone Linds, it's not worth the drama. Just let her have it." She surprisingly listens to me and I assume it's because she's matured so much since she's been here. I can still tell she wants to swing at the little blonde and I don't put it past her that she will beat her down.

"I just came to see if one of you had lotion but I can just go ask Cam since you gave me enough Y/N." And with that she walks out of Lindsey's room, slamming the door shut behind her. My phone vibrates and I dread looking at it because I just had a deep feeling it was Micah. Luckily, I was wrong but I saw it was a number I didn't have saved. I unlocked my phone and went to my messages to see the text.

- - -

Unknown

hey gorgeous, this is grayson. i hope you don't mind but i got cam to ask lindsey for your phone number. i had a really great time hanging out today and I hope we get the chance to do it again tomorrow. goodnight pretty girl, sleep good.

Me

i had a lot of fun too! thank you for everything! goodnight!

- - -

I don't say much because I didn't know what he was going to think after he saw the video. But his text did make me feel butterflies over and over whenever I read it. I put my phone down and tell my sister goodnight. She sets an alarm for us to wake up early enough to get ready and I pass out the second she turns out the light.

My parents arrive to get Lindsey and me before Cameron and Blair even wake up. I’m very grateful for that because I do not want to run into any of the Dolan's or Blair.

I assume she has already sent the video and I'm sure she will say something in front of everyone if they're around.

My family and I explore around campus most of the morning and Lindsey shows us some of her favorite spots to study and hang out.

We take a break from walking at a small coffee shop. Mom sets up her laptop, of course, and the rest of us sit around her sipping our drinks. I got a mocha iced coffee as it's the only coffee I really like. I've never been obsessed like a lot of people are.

"It's 10 now," Dad says as he looks at his watch, "and we told Sean and Lisa we'd all meet for lunch at 11:30." I feel my face get hot and I automatically feel like I'm going to throw up. I try to come up with an excuse as to why I won't be able to go to lunch but I know it's a lost cause. Mom and Dad will make me go and I'll end up having to face the Dolans back at Lindsey's dorm anyways.

Once I realize I won't be able to completely avoid Cameron's family, I accept the fact I will be seeing them at lunch.

I excuse myself and go to the bathroom. I study my outfit in the mirror. I adjust my maroon, flowy tank top and look down at my holy skinny jeans. My white converses look sad as they don't look near as white as they were the day I got them. I hear the door swing open and quickly see the familiar face of my sister.

"Are you ok?" She asks softly and rubs my back.

"Yeah, just not very excited about lunch."

She nods her head because she knows it's because of Blair. "Has Grayson texted you?" Her face grows a huge smile and mine shows a small one.

"I mean he texted me last night but I left my phone at your dorm so I don't know if he's texted me any today."

"I figured you didn't have your phone because I texted you a few times about Mom today and you never replied." She laughs then checks her makeup. "But lunch should be fine. You know I'm here for you if anyone has something to say." I hug her then we walk back out to our parents. We end up staying here for about another thirty minutes then head back to Lindsey's dorm so she can turn in a paper really quick. She already had it written she just needed to submit it.

"I'm sorry guys, I totally forgot about it because of everything that was going on yesterday and today. But it isn't considered late until 11:59 pm tonight." Lindsey says as she unlocks her front door.

I hold my breath and just pray Cameron and everyone else isn't here. Luckily, they aren't. I half jog into my sister’s room and grab my phone and get it out of the night stand I hid it in.

I have twelve missed calls from Micah and eight unread texts from him. I skim over them quickly and delete after I read them. They basically were just more apologies and cussing me out for not replying.

I look at the few Lindsey had sent me about mom before she knew I didn't have my phone and I chuckled.

I have a few from the group message with my friends but I ignore those and look at the last one I have.

- - -

Grayson Dolan

sucks we missed each other this morning. see you at lunch! :)

- - -

I smile at the text and start to type a reply. I remember the video and how he probably hadn't seen it yet when he texted me this so I delete the text, slide my phone in my back pocket, and walk into the living room.

"I guess we should go ahead and get to lunch with Sean, Lisa, and their family." Dad suggests.

"They want to meet at a sea food restaurant on the island so that's probably a good idea, Gregory." Mom confirms.

"Hi! Just four?" The hostess asks my family as we walk in through the double doors of the restaurant. 

"We're actually meeting another family here." Mom corrects her.

"Oh yea! They're already seated. Follow me right this way." I feel my heart racing as we get closer to the large table. Mom and Dad sit on one end with Sean and Lisa. Ethan is sitting at the end of the table, Lindsey takes a seat beside Cameron, and I take the only available seat which happens to be beside Grayson. Blair, however, is missing and there are no extra chairs left.

Where is she?

I keep silent for the most part. I only speak when I order and when I’m spoken to. Towards the end of lunch, Mom gets a phone call so she excuses herself from the table. I roll my eyes as she walks away and I guess Ethan notices. He giggles and I look up to him and Grayson staring at me.

"What was that for?" He asks.

I look down the table and Dad is deep in conversation so I proceed to explain. "She's just always done that. No matter where we are or who we're with, work always comes first. It just gets old after a while." I look back down at my shrimp and take another bite.

"When I graduated high school, she missed me walking across the stage and getting my diploma because something came up with work." Lindsey adds. The boys and Cameron give us apologetic looks.

"She's not a bad mom though," I reassure them, "we never go without and we kind of like that she doesn't hover."

"That's good!" Cameron exclaims.

"Alright guys, I'm sorry to be the one who asks," Lindsey starts and puts her fork down, "but where's Blair?" Cameron snorts and Grayson rolls his eyes. I listen closely because I've honestly been wondering the same thing.

Grayson speaks up first and it takes me off guard for a second. "She sent us some video last night in a group chat and it was just very disgusting. The way she talked about Y/N and made those remarks was way out of line. And the fact she sent it to us because she thought we would find it funny shows she doesn't know us like we thought she did."

"So I broke up with her. We took her to the airport this morning around 10." Ethan adds and looks in my direction. I’m unable to keep eye contact so I look down in my lap for the hundredth time this meal. I feel Grayson's body turn towards me.

"I'm really sorry for the way she acted, Y/N. I hope you don't hate us." I lift my head and smile. Ethan and Grayson are both smiling and it makes me feel a whole lot better.

Now I feel super bad about not texting Grayson back.

After everyone is done eating, it is almost one o'clock. Our parents decided for us all to stick together for the rest of the afternoon.

We end up going back to Savannah and exploring downtown on River Street. It has tons of shops. That's my favorite thing to do– SHOP!

The parents head to a pub and get some drinks. The five of us walk together. We go into a bunch of candy shops and souvenir places. We find a boutique and I basically fall in love with all the clothes.

"Ethan, come with me and Linds to this candy shop down here and Grayson stay with Y/N in the boutique." They both agree with their sister and I grab the last few shirts I want to try on and I head to the dressing room.

"I'm really sorry, I'll be quick!" I say to Grayson as he sits in a chair outside of my door.

"It's really fine. Take your time beautiful." He smiles at me and I get major butterflies in my stomach.

My phone vibrates and I quickly check it before I start changing.

- - -

Lindsey  

ur welcome ;)

- - -

I quietly laugh at my phone then put it down.

Once I'm done checking out, Grayson and I walk across the road to the river. I lean on the railing and look into the water. Grayson does the same. "I really want to apologize again for Blair."

"You can stop apologizing! I swear it's ok." I giggle, placing my hand on his shoulder for reassurance. This is probably the thirteenth time he's said sorry since we talked about it at lunch but I know he just feels bad. "I know what she said didn't come out of your mouth."

"Yeah but she was part of our group and what she says to people represents us. Ethan and I have built our whole fandom around positivity and believing they should put positivity into everything they do. Having her around was just putting us two steps backwards. Thankfully, E broke it off before any of our fans saw it."

"You guys are pretty amazing." I turn to him more and smile, “And I don’t say that about just anyone!”

"But I'm more amazing than Ethan, right?" Grayson giggles a little and I just give him a look. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Ya know," I begin to say, pausing considering if I should even say it at all, "right here, with you, is the happiest I've been in a long time."

Grayson moves closer to me, wrapping me into a hug. My bare arms rub against his t-shirt and my bag from the boutique hits him in his butt.

"Woah there princess, take me out to dinner first." I squeeze him a little tighter, "I'm pretty happy here with you too Y/N." We both let go and he looks in my eyes, looks down at my lips then quickly back into my eyes. His face gets closer to mine and just as I can feel him breathing and I think he's about to kiss me…

"Oh my gosh it's Grayson Dolan!" I hear a screech. We both pull away and look in the direction of the voice.

"Grayson!"

"Gray where's Ethan?"

He's bombarded with questions and cameras in his face. He looks back at me and I give him a huge smile, letting him know it’s ok. This is his life and I'm honestly just some girl he met yesterday. Who am I to be the one who denies his supporters the opportunity to talk to him face-to-face?

If this were thirteen-year-old me and Grayson was Justin Bieber, I would have fainted on the ground– so I understand how they're acting.

Grayson takes a few pictures and answers their questions.

"Are you here visiting Cam?"

"Yes actually!" He replies.

"When are you going back to LA?" A different girl asks.

"Wednesday. Going back to New Jersey tomorrow."

"Where's Eteeweetee?" Another girl again. I assume she means Ethan.

"Somewhere around here. I'm not sure."

"Is she your girlfriend?" He doesn't reply to this one. I don't blame him but he could've just said no. I wouldn't have been offended.

"Alright everyone we got to go. It was nice meeting you all. I love you!" He grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers, and begins pulling me through the sea of girls.

We see Ethan, Cameron, and Lindsey a little ways ahead of us. Once we're out of the crowd, I notice Grayson is still holding my hand. I don't do anything about it though because I'd be crazy to.

He's super sweet and super cute and honestly I hope this isn't just something that only lasts this weekend.

"We met Mom and Dad and they gave us the keys to the car so we can get back to the dorm. They're going to stay down here for a little while." Lindsey says waving the keys in our faces.

Great timing because some of the girls started swarming again when they saw Ethan was here too.

"Let's go amigos!" Cameron says as she skips ahead of us.

"So do you think I'm going to be able to see you again? Ya know, after this weekend is over?" Grayson asks me, breaking the silence between us. We have been sitting in the patio chairs on the balcony of our sisters’ dorm, overlooking the courtyard and the college students bustling below us, for about an hour now. Ethan, Lindsey, and Cameron are inside watching some movie Grayson and I have no interest in.

"Well," I begin to answer Grayson's question, "really that is up to you." I take a sip of my drink and sit it back down on the table between us. I look over at him through my Ray Bans and smile as I study his confused face. "I mean I would love to see you again, but you have to want that too for it to happen." I keep my smile to let him think I was just messing around with him. In reality I am actually trying to figure out what this is and how he feels.

Not that I'm trying to jump into another relationship of any kind but somehow, after these past twenty-four hours, I've grown to really like Grayson. I could see him as a potential boyfriend, yes, but he also lives on the other side of the country most of his time and when he's home, he's still not very close. Regardless, I know for sure I want him in my life even if it's just as a friend.

"You know what Y/N?" Grayson asks as he sits up from his chair and grabs my hand that is draped on the arm rest of my seat.

He intertwines our fingers the way he did earlier in the day.

"What's that Gray?"

"I would love to see you again, too." He kisses the back of my hand and gives me a big cheesy smile. I can’t help but return the cheesy smile too but then I look back out over the courtyard to try to hide my face turning red. That fails though since Grayson continues to stare at me.

"Guys! Check out twitter!" Ethan says running out of the sliding glass door and shutting it back.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Just look!" Ethan replies, still not looking up from his phone. I stand up from my chair and walk inside to grab my phone.

Cameron and Lindsey are nowhere in sight. I pick up my phone and have a texts in a group message from Lindsey.

- - -

Lindsey

cam and I went to get the parents! be back l8r.

Cameron Dolan

Y/N is in charge E & Gray

Ethan Dolan

that's lame

Me

h8rs gonna h8 ;)

Lindsey  

truuuuuuue

- - -

I grab Grayson's phone as well since it’s sitting beside mine and walk back to where the boys were. Ethan had taken my seat so Grayson pats his leg indicating for me to sit in his lap­– so I do.

I sit on his right leg and drape my legs across his left. I hand him his phone and we both go to our twitter apps as if it is choreographed. I first notice that I have a billion new notifications. Then I notice my followers.

"Woah. I had six-hundred followers this morning. Now I have two-hundred thousand?" I’m shocked for obvious reasons. I mean it's not like I have any media that would go viral so why would I be getting so many followers?

"Our fans should be private investigators." Ethan chuckles, "We haven't posted anything with Y/N or followed her on any social media so it's crazy that they had found her so easily!"

Grayson stays silent as we all scrolled through our twitter.

"Should I be worried?" I ask as I turn my phone towards Grayson and then Ethan, showing them one of the tweets I was tagged in.

@DolanStan321 not to be a party pooper but uhhh good luck to @Y/T/N  if she is dating gray. this fandom is hard to get along with.

Grayson's jaw clinches when he reads the words of his fan, and I begin to worry a little.

"Are you gonna tweet something, bro?" Ethan asks.

"Should I?" Grayson questions back. Ethan just shrugged as his response. I stay quiet and continue to stare at my phone–except I’m not on twitter. I’m texting my friends from back home about my current situation since they are blowing up my phone. "It just sucks that I can't have a friend without them assuming things."

Friend.

For some reason that word hurts a little bit... even though that is exactly what I am to him.

Nothing more.

Don't get me wrong, if all Grayson is and ever will be to me is a friend, I'll take it. He's too precious of a human being to be picky about where he's placed in your life.

"Y/N, go retweet my tweet so the people know." Grayson suggests. I nod my head and click on his name from one of the billion tweets we're both tagged in together.

@GraysonDolan Y/N and I are not dating... as of right now.

Boys are so confusing. What the hell is that supposed to mean?

If I'm confused about it right now, I'm sure his fans are as well. But, maybe that's what he wants. He wants them to wonder.

I retweet and like the tweet as I was told and lock my phone.

"Well, in other news. Cam said I'm in charge so I say we go get FroYo!" I stand up from Grayson's lap and start walking in the living room area. The boys follow behind as they agree with my idea. "let me go potty first though." I chuckle then rush to my sister’s bathroom.

I check my face out in the mirror as I'm washing my hands and decide I look fine to go out in public like this. My all black Nike shorts and oversized t-shirt go fine with my 'I-kinda-just-do-not-care' look.

I walk out of the bathroom, turning off the light but slow myself down when I hear talking from the living room. I know I shouldn't eavesdrop but I couldn't help myself.

"E, I know it's crazy but I really like her already. It's weird I know and it will be hard to make it work but I've never been so willing to try with someone." I feel a smile come across my face as I listen to the words I know are coming from Grayson's mouth.

"I can definitely tell, bro. You know I support you in anything you do, bro. I think you should go for it if you really like her."

"I've never felt this way about anyone. Not even Brooke. How do I tell her?"

"That I'm going to let you figure out for yourself." Ethan states with a sigh, "But we leave in the morning to go back to Jersey so just remember that."

I decide to walk out since I had been standing here a little too long. "You guys ready to go?" Grayson stands up off the couch and walks to me.

"Yes ma'am!" He says as he randomly pulls me into a huge hug. I hug him back and feel myself smiling as his scent fills my nose.

Ethan's phone starts to ring, killing the mood a little bit. "It's Blair." he says with no emotion. Grayson and I look at each other and then at his brother. "Should I answer?" he asks.

"Whatever you do, I support you, bro." I smile as I think about the fact Ethan said this to him moments ago. 

I love their relationship.

"I'm going to then just to make sure she made it back ok. You two go ahead, I'll catch up later."

Grayson shrugs and waves at his brother since he is now on the phone with Blair. 

"Well, let's go I guess." Grayson shrugs. We walk to the elevator and wait in silence for the doors to separate. We get in and it is still silent and the doors open at another floor.

Grayson pulls me closer to him to make room for the two girls who are getting on. He moves me in front of him and wraps his arms around me from behind, resting his chin on my head. Gray and I are still silent but we hear the girls whispering.

"Yeah I think that is him. He has the earring." Is the only thing I can understand from what they’re saying. I don't turn to them and neither does Grayson. Then, I hear the sound of a camera. That's when I feel Grayson's body move away from mine and turn towards the girls.

"Oh my gosh we are so sorry!" The blonde girl says. She sounds kind of scared but I'm not sure why. I turn and watch what Grayson is doing.

"What's your names?" He asks them politely.

"I'm Katie and this is Ellie." The brunette says and points to her blonde friend.

"We are huge fans!"

"Yeah, like, huge!" Katie adds.

"Well, would you like pictures?" Grayson asks them.

"OH MY GOD YES PLEASE!" Katie screams.

The girls take pictures of each other with Grayson and I just stand there watching. I smile knowing this is making their whole day.

"Can we get a picture with you, Y/N?" Ellie asks. I'm a little taken aback but I nod my head and the girls take their pictures.

Finally, the elevator opens and Grayson grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers for the third time today, and pulling me out with him.

The girls follow closely behind. "It was very nice to meet you two!" Grayson says while we walk away and we both wave. Thankfully, they take his subtle hint and don't follow any longer.

The FroYo place isn't far from the dorm so Grayson and I walk. He keeps my hand held tight and I can’t stop smiling. It’s getting pretty dark, thankfully, so he can't see how giddy I am at the moment.

"I kind of feel bad for Ethan honestly." Grayson says out of nowhere.

"What do you mean?"

"I told him I support him, and I do, but he's going to want to get back together with Blair. He doesn't need to be with her." He paused for a second then continues with his thoughts, "she just makes us look bad but I know he loves her and he’s stuck on who she used to be.” I nod my head.

"Micah, my ex who called over and over again last night, was bad for me too. It took a lot for me to realize it but I was never in love with him like I thought I was." I feel his stare on me. It’s like he wanted me to keep explaining without actually asking me to explain. "Like I said, I thought I loved him but he was just very abusive to me verbally. I didn't realize I didn't deserve to be treated that way. Well, I drove over an hour to his college to surprise him and caught in bed with some other girl." Grayson's grip on my hand gets tighter as if he felt bad for me. "I was upset for about a week but then I was over him. I mean being with someone you 'love' for so long and then a week after it's over, just not feeling anything anymore. He was someone I gave my everything to. My time, my effort, my-”

"Virginity?" Grayson interrupts. I think it’s a little odd that he so openly said this but I really don't mind.

"Yeah, that too." I chuckle out. He doesn't say anything else but gives me that ‘please-keep-explaining’ stare again. So I do.

"Long story short, I gave this guy so much, thought I loved him, then I was over him before I could even blink. I've always been told that you have that first person who shows you how not to love and for me, that person was Micah." Grayson smiles at me and opens the door for me as we reached the FroYo building. "So," I continue as we take our spot in line, "maybe that's what Blair is for Ethan. That person who shows him how not to love. Sadly, he’s going to have to learn that himself."

Grayson nods in agreement, "I sure hope you're right Y/N."

We grab our separate bowls to put our FroYo in and walk up to the separate machines. Grayson gets a mix of flavors and I just got regular cake batter. We scoop our toppings into the containers then went to pay. I insist on paying for both of ours but Grayson swipes his credit card before I could get my cash out.

"Well played, Gray." He gives me a cute little smirk then we walk outside to a bench since it feels so good outside.

"Let me try yours." He says and opens his mouth. I scoop out a good amount with one of all of my toppings on it and put my spoon in his mouth. He makes a face indicating he likes it.

Without me having to ask, he scoops me some of his with his spoon and feeds it to me like I did him.

"Mine is better but yours isn't too bad." I giggle.

"So I guess that means we can't trade?"

"That's a negative." I look down at my own bowl and mixed the toppings in a little more. I cross my legs and get comfortable on the bench. We watch the people walk past on the side walk in front of us and across the street. "What's it like in LA?" I ask since I have never been there.

"It's pretty fun sometimes but I like Jersey better."

"I'm sure. I mean it's your home so I don't blame you."

"Don't get me wrong though, I do love LA. It has so much more to offer than our little town in NJ does." He takes another bite of his FroYo then sits his spoon down in his bowl, "Y/N, can I tell you something?"

"Anything, Grayson." He positions his body so he’s facing me completely which causes me to stop eating my FroYo, too. I sit it down on the bench beside me and stare into his hazel orbs.

"This is probably really stupid," he starts breaking the eye contact, "but for some reason I feel like you were put in my life for a reason. I've known you for not even two full days and my feelings for you are stronger than they've ever been for anyone I've ever met." I feel my insides rumbling with butterflies and my cheeks blushing. I pick his chin up with the hand that isn’t intertwined with his and bring his eyes back to mine.

"Nothing about that was stupid, Gray. Especially because I feel the exact same way." My hand leaves his chin but he is still eye-to-eye with me. He begins getting closer and closer to me and my eyes naturally shut. Our lips are inches apart and we are about to kiss each other until:

"Gray! Y/N! There you two are!" Grayson and I pop up and see Ethan running towards us. "Have you checked your social medias?"

"Nope. Been kinda busy bro." Grayson says through gritted teeth.

"Oops." Ethan chuckles out, "but look." He turns his phone towards us and shows a picture of Grayson and I in the elevator. I guess that's the picture those girls got when Grayson had his arms around me and his chin resting on my head.

Grayson grabs the phone and smiles.

"You gotta admit, it's a pretty cute picture of us." He pulls out his phone and goes to his own twitter app so I do the same thing.

@ogdolarstan so did grayson straight up lie to us about dating that girl?

That girl.

Is that who I am known as now?

@graysarmpithair why's everyone freaking out? if grayson is dating her, there's nothing we can do but support the relationship.

I kind of feel a little sick looking at all of the replies so I lock my phone and sit it down in my lap. I think Grayson notices so he puts his phone down too and grabs my hand.

"Hey," Grayson squeezes a little to get my attention– as if he didn't already fully have it, "don't let them get to you. The fans are super over protective. I don't want them to scare you away from me."

I couldn't help but smile at his words. I look up at him and don't know what else to say. I’m not sure how to thank him for reassuring me that he wants this.

If we had kissed already, I would have pecked his lips to thank him but that was rudely interrupted.  

I notice Ethan had walked into the FroYo place to get his serving since he missed out.

"Thank you, Gray." I look deep into his eyes, letting him know how much I really appreciated him. Then, our moment starts to happen again. He brakes our eye contact, looks down at my lips again, then back to my eyes. Before I know it, he’s leaning in again. I start to do the same, closing my eyes for the second time as well. And, as if they were made for each other, our lips meet.

Finally.

That's all I can think. Finally, he kissed me but also finally I’m able to see how I really feel about Grayson.

I don't want to admit it, especially after such a short period of time, but I have fallen for Grayson Dolan.

We finally made it back to the dorm with Ethan and both our sisters were back. 

"How were the rents?" Ethan asks. Lindsey and Cameron look at each other and start laughing. 

"Oh, they were something!" Lindsey giggles.

"They were pretty wasted!" Camron states.

It’s about 12:30 and we all are sitting in the living room, talking, playing games and enjoying each other’s company. Grayson and I haven’t left each other’s side all night and I'm sure our sisters have noticed. 

"How cool is it gonna be," Cameron begins, "me and you are best friends and now our siblings are going to date!" I feel my face get red as I look down in my lap and laugh. 

"We're officially stuck with each other forever!" Lindsey says as she jumps up out of her seat. 

"You two are insane," Ethan rolls his eyes playfully, "but right. I can't wait to have Y/N stuck in my life forever."

"Woah now," I hear Grayson speak up, "don't jinx us. We aren't even official yet."

"YET!" They all three screamed in unison. 

We sit around for about thirty more minutes before Cameron and Lindsey stand up, indicating they were going to bed. "Y/N, I'm sleeping with Cam tonight so you and Gray can have my bed." and with that they are both gone. 

I know Lindsey wasn't lending us her bed for sexual reasons, she just wants to give us more time with each other since Ethan is half asleep on one of the couches already. We both stand up and walk to my sister’s room. He closes the door and walks over to me sitting on the bed. 

"I'm so tired but I want as much time I can get with you as possible." He lays beside me on the bed and drapes his arm around my waist. 

"You're too cute, Gray." I say as I play with his hair. "Go to sleep though. You have to be up early." 

"Alright," he groans and I reach over to turn off the lamp. We make ourselves comfortable and he cuddles me from behind.

"Goodnight pretty girl, sleep good." He kisses my cheek then he was out like a light. 

Goodnight Grayson.

I know Grayson is trying hard not to wake me as he gets up to leave, but I don't want him to leave without me saying goodbye to him. I mean, who knew when I'd see him next?

I feel him lean down and softly kiss my forehead. Before he can walk away, I wrap my arms around his neck, hugging him. He picks me up and wraps his arms around my waist and I wrap my legs around his body. 

"I'm going to miss you so much beautiful." He speaks softly as he holds me in his arms. I feel the butterflies fill my stomach and a smile grows across my face. I look up him to let him know I'd miss him too. He continues looking at me and I can't help but stare back.

His face is as perfect as his heart and I really can't believe how lucky I am to even have gotten to meet this beautiful soul.

Grayson leans in slightly to kiss me and I meet him in the middle.

We kiss for a few minutes and we somehow end up back on the bed. We lay there for another few minutes, Grayson hovering over the top of me, not breaking the connection of our lips.

"Bro, Mom & Dad are here to get us, let's go!" Ethan says through the closed door with a light knock.

"Alright," Grayson drops his head, speaking towards the door, "I'll be there in a minute." Ethan doesn’t say anything else so he looks back at me. Laying on his side and me laying on mine. "You're perfect."

He pecks my lips before I can respond.

"Nobody's perfect, Gray." I give him a soft smile and caress his face. We stare in each other’s eyes for about thirty seconds before he brakes the silence.

"Promise me something, Y/N?"

"Anything."

"I know this is going to be hard, but please don't give up on me. On us." I’m taken aback for a moment but I really start to realize that Grayson's feelings for me were equally as strong as mine are for him. 

"I promise you, there's no way I will ever give up on this, Gray."

We seal it with a kiss and he begins to get up again. Part of me is very upset that the time for him to leave has finally came. But I also know we would have to deal with this eventually. 

I jump up and wrap my arms around his neck one more time. I kiss him slowly to let him know how serious I am about him. 

Once we let go of each other, he heads towards the door and I follow.

"You ready?" Ethan asks as his brother comes into view. 

"I guess." Grayson lightly replies, sounding a little bummed. I walk over to Ethan and hug him goodbye. 

"I'm sure I'll see you soon." He says into the hug, letting out a little laugh. 

"Oh you will," I giggle and look over at Grayson, "don't get my favorite boy in any trouble.”

"What do you mean? He's the trouble maker." Ethan gasps.

"I’m so glad I met you.” Grayson whispers before they walk out of the door. 

I hug him again and kiss him one last time. 

Oh how I wish I could just spend every moment with that perfect boy.

I walk back into Lindsey's room and see Grayson's shirt he took off before we went to sleep last night on the ground. 

Smiling to myself as I pick it up, I debate running down the hall way to give it to Grayson as an excuse to see him once more before he’s miles and miles away.

I decide not to so that I’m able to keep it with me, as if I have part of Grayson with me at all times.

Even though I haven’t officially admitted it out loud, I know I love him. That short but oh-so-strong four letter word really works in mysterious ways and I’m just glad it has worked out in my favor.

Tags: @atlas-of-a-human-soul @lexi-victoria @agirlssfantasy

[ntshastark]

finally back to where i left off

i might actually have time to watch at least 3 eps today if i ignore all the stuff i should be doing so let’s go

Bridgerton Season 2 liveblog: Part 4 (eps 4-6)

Episode 4

oooo this is the ep with the shooting scene, nice

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They 🥺

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🤢🤢🤢

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i remember people commenting about this scene (idk if a still or a screencap of the trailer) all happy bc kate had the bee sting and edwina was clearly ok with everything and they loved each other and there was no rivalry in sight! oh how relieved we all were that they weren’t going to be pitting these loving sisters against each other!

.............🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

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this would’ve been the perfect opportunity for them to mention the fact that eloise is a way better shot than all of her brothers combined, and i REALLY hope they don’t leave this out from the series, her having been part of the pall-mall playing is not worth it

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THEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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COLIN IS MEETING HIS NEPHEW AND HE HAS NO IDEA 😭😭😭😭😭

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marina sees a much happier and hands-on mother than she ever was in the books............... guess it makes sense, considering the twins are now the kids of a man she loved, and all she has left of him, but i wonder how this is going to affect her death...........

(maybe an accidental drowning instead....? rip)

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hmmmmmmm

her death is going to fuck me the fuck up

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bby they’re gonna find common ground inside each other’s pants

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THE POOR MAID ALMOST FALLING OFF THE HORSE

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well, this version of colin and phillip certainly had a... much more pleasant first meeting

i hope this doesn’t change anything from how they adapt that scene in tspwl bc it’s literally my second favourite scene in all the books (the first is the pall-mall one, of course)

also, loving the irony of colin going there to ogle phillip’s wife, when half of what he talks about when they meet in the books is how much he misses penelope

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ANTHONY SEEING KATE’S LEG AND HIS BRAIN SHORT-CIRCUITING

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book!anthony would’ve kissed her, just saying

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you know marina’s thing where she thinks she’s older and wiser than everyone who’s not as pragmatic as her? it’s annoying

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hmmmmmmmmmmmm

i can get over this bc being a married father to babies is definitely different than being a single father to 8-year-olds, but still weird that they chose to mention it

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NOT MARINA BECOMING A POLIN SHIPPER

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i wonder how they’re gonna handle colin’s reaction to marina’s death??

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a glimpse of kate’s fear of thunderstorms 🥺

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THAT’S IT???????????????? THAT’S ALL WE GET FROM THE LIBRARY SCENE??????????????????????????

CHRIS VAN DUSEN I AM KNOCKING AT YOUR DOOR

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OH, HOW INTERESTING, I WOULD LOVE TO SEE IT

REGÉ-JEAN PAGE I AM UNDER YOUR BED

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1. same

2. anthony/simon friendship crumbs!!

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HELL YEAH BABY YOU TELL HIM

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LOVING THE MOST_GIRLS_-_HAILEE_STEINFIELD.MP3 ENERGY HERE

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little gregory, in his bed:

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anthony not wearing gloves, like a slut

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can’t find the whistledown quote about anthony and kate, after being married, dancing together multiple times at every ball they attend, but i want to make it clear that it’s all that’s going through my mind right now

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the second-hand embarrassment i’m getting from this orangery scene

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THEY’RE AT HIS OFFICE, THIS IS VILE, IMAGINE IF I DIDN’T ALREADY KNOW THEIR FIRST KISS WAS GOING TO BE AT A CHURCH, YOU CAN’T TOY WITH MY FEELINGS LIKE THAT

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DAPHNE I’M GONNA FUCKING MURDER YOU

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YES THANK YOU I’VE WANTED THE BOOK TO ADDRESS THIS SO BADLY

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FUCK, this is so in-character of him i can’t even complain

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GREGORY AND KATE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER, A TINY CRUMBLE OF THEIR FUTURE FRIENDSHIP

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that ring is kinda ugly tbh, it looks cheap

==

This Is The Dark Place

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Episode 5

i love that eloise likes kate but like. half of edwina’s personality is liking to read?

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they gave colin’s jokester side to benedict and his love of food to eloise, rip

==

ok

WHY ON EARTH WOULD EDWINA BE MARRYING IN WHITE

not only was it not nearly as big a custom as it became after queen victoria’s wedding, but also she’s fucking indian

white would be the colour she associates with mourning

(now, i may think of this wedding as worse than a funeral, but she’s not supposed to)

==

YES IT WOULD, THANK YOU FOR ASKING

==

🥺

==

ohohoho jealous!anthony is a delight, very glad they decided to do this particular bit

==

colin’s existential crisis, on the other hand, was boring in the book and remains boring in the series

==

listen......... i know they’re not going to change eloise’s husband, especially considering he literally appeared just last episode........ but her and theo???? SO much more in line with my tastes on shipping

==

kate and dorset are actually really cute tbh

==

OH MY GOD POOR NEWTON WASN’T EVEN THE ONE WHO MADE THEM TRIP, THE POOR BABY WAS JUST IN THE WAY

ONE COULD EVEN SAY HE WAS KICKED

==

literally what’s the point of having benedict hook up with a different random woman every season

==

FINALLY

==

how in the fuck are both of mary’s parents so white?????

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DEDO NO CU E GRITARIA!!!!!!!

==

HE SAID HE DREAMS OF HER

SHOW ME THE FUCKING DREAMS

IF I CAN’T HAVE THEM MAKING OUT ON TOP OF A TABLE AT LEAST GIVE ME THE GODDAMN DREAMS

==

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

==

==

Episode 6

IS HE HITTING ON HER??????????????????

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oh god, even with all the spoilers i had no idea the wedding had been this big of an event........... this is gonna be a disaster

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OH NO THEY BROKE UP

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DRAG HIM DAFF

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lmao

appropriate, i guess

==

my dog is by my side having a nightmare and by god so am i

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WHY DIDN’T SHE PRETEND TO FAINT

DID NO ONE TEACH HER THE ART OF PRETENDING TO FAINT

==

OH MY GOD THEY LITERALLY RECREATED THIS MEME

==

YES IT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING!!!!

IT’S WHAT IT FUCKING SHOULD’VE BEEN

AND THEY DO NOT GET TO HAVE THIS SPEECH AFTER TURNING EDWINA INTO A SILLY LITTLE GIRL DAZZLED BY THE FIRST GENTLEMAN TO LOOK HER WAY

==

==

NOOOOO I WANTED TO SEE DAPHNE TELLING VIOLET EVERYTHING, GIVE ME THE SCENE I KNOW YOU HAVE IT

==

THEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

==

if my older brother said that to me in that tone i’d never look in his face again

==

her veil got stuck in the door

==

if will loses his money because of portia’s schemes i swear to god

==

is this entire episode set at the palace, this is getting boring

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COUSIN JACK LIKES HIS WOMEN TO BE GOLD DIGGING MILFS AND I RESPECT HIM FOR THAT

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genuinely don’t think i’ll have the emotional strength to watch the spin-off about the queen

==

discretely leaving in the middle of important parties to go meet men is basically a hobby at this point

==

WHAT DID I SAY

WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY

==

edwina calling up kate and anthony to the chapel, calling off the wedding, and then leaving them alone like

==

i really wish simon had been there :/

==

ugh, i knew having whistledown’s gossip include the queen would end up in trouble

==

FUCKING FINALLY

[starliightxo]

SECRETS (females)

Olivia Barham (NEW)

Olivia was due to start St Judes as soon as she was old enough. She auditioned hoping to model, just like her sister. However, during the audition process (tw) she was touches inappropriately by one of the professors. He was significantly older than her. Olivia is strong, but this threw her completely. She was told if she wanted to be a model she had to learn to take that and more, and learn to keep her mouth shut. She didn't. She told her then boyfriend Louis and between them, they got this professor fired. But olivia didn't return, she was lowkey too traumatised and to this day refuses to acknowledge the incident.

Holland Smith

Originally her secret was that Haley is her daughter but that slowly got revealed. Now her secret is more that after her (tw) rape, she fell pregnant and told no one but decided (tw) to get an abortion without knowing 100% if it was Gregory's or Adrian's. Adrian knows half of this atm though but she still wouldn't want anyone else to know.

Mallory Shaw

From a young age, Mallory, her mother and a couple of her older sister's were (tw) physically abused by their alcoholic father. But nobody got it as bad as Mallory thanks to her loud opinions and her inability to know when to stop talking. She spent years sofa surfing and avoiding home but even now she lives with danica, she can't avoid it forever. She still visits her mum and sisters if they go back there for holidays and birthdays etc. So it's very much still an on going thing. She's the only one out of her sisters who is still in town so her mum has kind of become her responsibility too. Even though her mum is also becoming an alcoholic and although isn't physically abusive, she's a lot more emotionally abusive.

Felicity Calloway

Felicity is a sex addict, undiagnosed out of pure fear, but deep down she 100% knows that's what's wrong with her. She craves it and no matter how happy she is with someone, she always strays and cheats. If she's in the mood and can't get hold of her boyfriend or fwb, she will literally take it from anyone at all. She has no standards when it comes to sex, despite her high standards for love and relationships.

Everleigh Adams

Everleigh was left at a fire station when she was on me a few days old by her birth mother. She never met her birth mother and doesn't plan to but she knows she was abandoned (tw) because she was the product of rape. It's not secret she was abandoned but the reason why is something everleigh will never say. She shares the face of a rapist, knowing full well she looks like him and nothing like her mother, she's ashamed.

She also suffers (tw) with major epilepsy, many standard things can trigger a seizure. Mainly tiredness and stress in her case. But considering how out of control she feels when it happens and how it scares people, she quickly stopped telling those around her. Especially after she was given up by various foster families and sent back into care when they decided they couldn't cope after she'd blacked out.

Gisele Collins

After her parents were killed in a car accident that happened after someone ran their car off the road and disappeared into the night, Gisele took it upon herself to track down this person and seek revenge. (Tw) She killed him in a hit and run and was never even considered a suspect.

(Tw) she also has a severe alcohol and drug dependency. Many ate surely suspicious but none enough to do anything about it. She's gotten away with it for so long, always fobbing it off as a bit of fun and nothing serious. But she's had a few close calls with (tw) her life due to being too heavily intoxicated. She's very good and fast and brushing it all under the carpet though.

Riley James

(Idk if it was ever officially discovered but I'm re-secret-ing it lmao) (tw) During her previous time at St Judes, riley was diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder, exactly like her mother she'd grown up looking after. She didn't see it coming and was embarrassed in a way. People already labelled her as "crazy" the last thing she wanted was to give them solid proof of that. So she hid it from everyone.

Alexandria Cortes

Lexi shares a secret with Flo, without flo knowing. Lexi was approached by a fan (Esme) and shown flo's sex tape. Now she's being blackmailed for various things in order to keep her cousin's secret a secret and she's prepared to tear herself apart to do so.

Kendall Carmichael

Originally kendall's secret is the fact she's the only person in the world who knows that her older brother Austin (tw) has taken his own life. It was her fault he was banished from the family after she outted his sexuality. Her old fashioned parents shunned him and he disappeared. It was only Kendall who received a letter from Austin explaining he was going to take his own life. She hasn't told a soul, knowing full well it's down to her. The family and world think he's simply disappeared to start again.

Currently while trying for a baby with mason, they've both (tw) been struggling to conceive. After a doctor's visit it was confirmed that Kendall was essentially the issue. She was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. It wasn't impossible to conceive for her but it's was very unlikely she wouldn't and she's suffering big time because of it.