#idk why but it was unbanned a few months ago

[pchelik-please]

YouTube just got banned in my country.

R.I.P. YouTube ig

[reckydaguy]

and now, a callout post for mentaljen of vinesauce

okay but I haven’t written this for like the longest time, cause I WAS JUST SO SCARED

I was scared that people were gonna hate me for it, but now, I realized I need to make this post more than anything if I wanted to feel any better mentally

also just be prepared that I did do a thing wrong or two, I became a mod on the vinesauce chatango without telling anybody about my age (i was 14-15 at the time? idk) and I regret that DEEPLY for a huuuuuuuuuge number of reasons and am prepared to take whatever amount of shit for it, but that’s not the reason I’m making this post obviously

anyways here goes, it all started about a year ago

you see, the vinesauce chatango kinda died and I decided to go on the vinesauce discord (at this point I had already told everybody about my age, and the chatango pretty much disbanded) and before this one particular event, I already noticed Jen was acting particularly hostile to me (calling me a liar and a snitch publicly, etc.), I didn’t pay this much mind until this one day Jen and some of her friends were in the gaming voice chat.

basicially she was playing Stardew Valley so I had the amazing idea of going in there to be just chat, I don’t remember exactly what happened there, but I do remember one important detail suddenly one of jen’s pals made a kill yourself joke directed at me, this just kept escalating and escalating, with more and more jokes directed at me, and i’m pretty sure jen was having fun through all this

eventually, I broke down and said something, along the lines of if you like hurting me that much how bout I hurt my ears, then everybody suddenly left the voice channel, the next day a different mod kicked me from the server, another person explained to me that it was cause I acted out, and the people who told me to kill myself were given a talk to. I don’t know if they ever received anything beyond that tho. I was told to wait until the mods gave me the okay to come back, and I gave occasional updates and really tried to limit them (if you were still overwhelmed, and you know who you are if you’re reading this, i’m sorry), but then I tried to apologize to jen using a shitty daddy joke which she seemed to like but she suddenly got angry and told me that the awkwardness is why I was banned (probably a mistake on my part but whatever trying to tell as much as I can remember rn)

anyways few months later I tried apologizing about my ban and attempting to appeal to Jen, she not only refused to unban me but after a conversation harassed me about my role of chatango moderator again, even though I was already told that the streamers forgave me for everything

after that I tried to go back onto the server and was banned without a word, and at this point I was like super depressed, so I asked a mod about it noting the depression, and ended up getting the same explanation, I was kicked for acting out

so I tried to confront Jen about the mean stuff she’s said about me, she basically said that I deserved every single word I got, and when I tried telling her that I thought I could talk to her since we share similar problems, she basically said that her problems were more valid since she handled her’s better????? After that I found myself an excuse to stop the conversation and block her, and did so.

the main reason I was so hesitant to share this at first, was cause Jen told me that my problems should stay with me, and that made me so scared that she was gonna like kill me if I did anything. But I’m not afraid anymore. I’m gonna tell the world what I’ve been through, before something like this happens to anybody else, dammit.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any chatlogs or anything, as I am too scared to unblock Jen atm to attempt to get any of them. I hope you all can understand. This shit fucked me up, and seeing any external mention of her name is enough to pretty much turn me into a scared shell of who I was. I still have nightmares about this shit, and I don’t think I have the bravery to face any of it all over again. I may get some courage in the future, and if any of you are doubting anything i’ll confirm and deny it to my knowledge, but for now… Really, I’ll be fine with anything. Anything at all. Be it an apology from Jen herself somehow, 5 seconds of talk from a streamer asking for evidence, anything. I just want this to end.

Yours truly, ReckyDaGuy.

EDIT: Just wanna make this clear that with this post I really don't wanna start any real discourse or anything. All I want is acknowledgement, really. Please don't use this as an excuse to harass any of the other streamers, or start some gigantic discourse. Literally all I want is some peace and quiet in my mind.