#idk why I was surprised Will didn’t name an Asian actor and then I remembered this was the fifties hdhshsdjhs

[macksartblock]

Wow I love Four Dads in Fantasy World(???)

[xiuhunsoo]

got tagged by @ilovkji to answer 85 questions about myself! thank you love! 

idk who to tag tho, i feel like i’m gonna annoy people :(((

last

1. drink – lemon iced tea

2. phone call – my dad today

3. text message – uh one of my best friends

4. song you listened to – f(x) ft zico - traveller

5. time you cried – sunday when i watched along with the gods with tawa

ever

6. dated someone twice? - haven’t even dated anyone once so no

7. kissed someone and regretted it – no

8. been cheated on – still no and if anyone ever does they have another thing coming

9. lost someone special – yes

10. been depressed – idk i never got it diagnosed with it but looking back on things i probably was for a while, i’m not anymore though only have some other mental shit going on 

11. gotten drunk and thrown up – nah, i stop before it comes to that point

fave colours

12. any shade of blue

13. dark red

14. dark green

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends – yes

16. fallen out of love – no

17. laughed until you cried – lmao 10 times already just this week

18. found out someone was talking about you – yes both in good and bad ways

19. met someone who changed you - oh yes

20. found out who your friends are - YEAH LMAO

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list – no

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl – all of them except one nobody really uses facebook anymore so i never really added my internet friends and i never added strangers

23. do you have any pets – no :(((( 

24. do you want to change your name – no

25. what did you do for your last birthday – uhhhhh ohh i met three friends and we went to explore the city and got lunch together and then one of my best friends surprised me at home with presents and decorated it was really cute and we went for cocktails!

26. what time did you wake up today – considering i slept like 1-2 hours today and it didn’t feel like i slept at all idk when exactly i woke up

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - was on tumblr, was chatting with rina and was trying to write that luchen drabble for her

28. what is something you can’t wait for – the zoo trip on saturday, my bulgaria holidays in two weeks and netherlands trip with my dad and berlin + music bank in september!

30. what are you listening to right now – nothing, i feel like just listening to the city’s sounds outside my window rn

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - not consciously no? maybe someone i only got briefly introduced to was named that, maybe that bf of a friend’s friend?????? i can’t remember

32. something that gets on your nerves – my dad filing his nails for HOURS on end (ok it’s minutes but sometimes he does it multiple times in an hour and it just.......why)

33. most visited website – tumblr lol

34. hair color – blue!

35. long or short hair – on myself? it’s chin length and sometimes a bit shorter

36. do you have a crush on someone – only if celebrities count, i don’t develop crushes easily and i only ever really had one, are feelings even real

37. what do you like about yourself – my hair! and my ability to make my friends feel loved and cherished!

38. want any piercings? – since i’m allergic to any earrings i never entertained the idea anymore so no

39. blood type – fuck if i know

40. nicknames – anna is already a nickname i suppose

41. relationship status – sehun is my husband idk what to tell you here

42. zodiac - taurus sun, sag moon, cancer rising

43. pronouns - she/her

44. fave tv shows – exo showtime, free! & yuri on ice, doctor who season 1-4, supernatural 1-3, some kdramas, idk my mind is blanking here

45. tattoos – none and idk if i’m ever gonna be committed enough for them, i love seeing others have or get them though!

46. right or left handed - right handed

47. ever had surgery - yeah but only a light one

48. piercings – used to have my ears pierced but i became allergic

49. sport – used to be in a swim club for 10 yrs and did zumba and step aerobic afterwards oh and i went to horseback riding lessons for a while

50. vacation – yeah i do that a lot lmao and want to do it a whole lot more

51. trainers – do converse count and i have iron man vans

more general

52. eating – idk i love different cuisines esp korean, pasta, cookies and desserts in general

53. drinking – tea and coffee and wine and raspberry mojitos keep me going

54. i’m about to watch – i feel like rewatching all my classics like hp, star wars and lotr

55. waiting for – saturday and my trips to bulgaria/netherlands/berlin

56. want – my exo lightstick to arrive on time for music bank 😬

57. get married - if my partner wants it? but i have no real aspirations for it myself? i never actively think about it at least

58. career – idfk i’m studying asian studies but i guess i’d need something economics like to get somewhere with that for my masters

which is better

59. hugs or kisses – hugs

60. lips or eyes - eyes

61. shorter or taller - i really don’t care but it’s hard to be shorter than me

62. older or younger - depends on the age gap lol

63. nice arms or stomach – arms.......but tummies...........idk i lov both

64. hookup or relationship – relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant – hesitant

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger – no

67. drank hard liquor – yeah

68. lost glasses – no, though i forgot them once in my host family in china but they sent them via post to the hotel we stayed in next

69. turned someone down – yes 

70. sex on first date – idfk i’d lean towards no though..........

71. broken someone’s heart – yeah probably

72. had your heart broken – no

73. been arrested - no

74. cried when someone died - yeah

75. fallen for a friend - no

do you believe in

76. yourself – sometimes

77. miracles – not really

78. love at first sight – no, attraction at first yes but you cannot love someone that fast

79. santa claus – used to but i caught my mum in the act lol

80. kiss on a first date – yeah why not

81. angels – only if we count sehun as one

other

82. best friend’s name – rina 💖

83. eye color – blue, though it’s more turquoise i guess

84. fave movie – so many, i’m a slut for iron man tho ngl

85. fave actor – is it too cliché for me to say do kyungsoo also rdj and a bunch of others

[morifinwes]

hi laura!! sorry this is a bit late i barely survived finals week :’) i just woke up after sleeping for like 18 hrs after my last exam fjdns

oooo yes i love yanqing too!! they’re my fav ship apart from wangxian (also jc/lwj w h a t why would anyone do that o.O)

halsey!!!! i love her sm i’ve followed her from the time she released badlands (i was such an emo kid istg that album was everything to me) omg your music taste is so similar to mine wtf??? the other side by ruelle AND mystery of love AND folklore ur taste is exquisite. i’ll check out the other songs i’m sure i’ll like them! (also based on your music taste i recommend u listen to the loch ness monster by matilda mann 10/10 would recommend)

okay today’s questions!

🎀 since i asked about non-canon ships last time, what is your favourite fic you’ve ever read in the mdzs fandom? or a favourite trope?

🎀 tell me about your favourite show(s)/movies other than cql/mdzs! i need something to binge watch over winter break hehe

hope you’re doing well! it’s getting cold where i live so if it’s the same where you live i hope you’re staying warm >.< now that i’m free i will try to send asks more often! - 🍵

hey c!! don't worry, you have to take care of yourself, i'm glad that you finally have more time for yourself too!

sleeping 18 hours after being stressed is valid, after a panick attack i once slept like 16 hours simply because i was extremely exhausted.

i listened to the song and it's!!! so good!! i really like this part of the song: now you've faded, / with no traces, /so who could ever tell. / what you've taken's, / been misplaced / but your name doesn't ring any bells, / since the day that they took you to hell.

halsey is!!! i remember hearing badlands when it came out but i only really got into her mid 2018? i listened to hopeless fountain kingdom then and realized that badlands and hfk where both from the same person!! folklore is @/keepyourlife's fault, annika reblogged a bunch of things and just went crazy over it, so i listened to it. i don't listen to much else from taylor, i like getaway car a lot tho tbh. i saw mystery of love in a wangxian edit on youtube and went !!!!!! over that song, so now i'm obsessed with it.

1. i've got a bunch of favorite fics but _none of them are finished _and ajdkskks i do have some that are finished but i can't remember for the life of me what they're called. so here are five of my favorites: love, in fire and blood by cicer (which i'm recommending to all of my mutuals always) which is a 212K wip of immortal/yp!wwx + war prize au with no rpe/noncon but in the first two chapters lwj is afraid of that happening. it doesn't. then there is this time/universe/dimension travel fic called a song to bring you home by neoserenity, where basically canon!lwj who mourns wwx meets a modern!sick wwx and apparently there is no modern equivalent of lwj? or at least wwx doesn't seem to know one. the updates are sparse but i reread this so often in hopes that updates will appear. an arrow through time by syrus_jones is a young!lwj time traveling to post canon mdzs and pining after "husband" and wwx at the same time and feeling guilty over it bcs he doesn't know wwx is "husband" and then there is the murder of crows by cerbykerby which is a yilingwei sect au. here is a modern office au: hello, IT. have you tried turning it off and on again?* **by overmountainandmeadow, which us just really funny so i've been reading this for stress relief. i actually quote like time travel aus? also just wangxian meeting other versions of themselves is fun!! i have a bunch of modern college au tabs open but i don't actually seek them out, if i see one and like the plot then i'll read it. there are a lot of good time travel aus in this fandom!! also i like it when people get wangxian together earlier than in canon, it's just really fun to see how that would go. i don't remember the name but i think there was one fic where lwj tried to flirt with wwx and wwx just didn't notice? until somebody pointed it out to him i think? that was fun to read because lwj was just so frustrated!!

2. i feel like i forget what shows i watched after i watched them? movies too, though i like to stick to rewatching movies i already know. but here are some shows: dark on netflix, if you have netflix it should be there, it's a german netflix show about time travel and fate and things being really fucked up. basically there is this endless loop of the world apocalypse happening in 2019? 2020? i'm not that sure of the timeline rn but it's either 2019 or 2020!! and jonas, the male lead, wants to prevent it but this shit gets complicated because this is a time loop, everything he has done has been done before him. there are some really great quotes in the show about things, there is a wangxian gifset that actually uses a quote from dark, and that's the one about having three deaths. (i'll probably add a link to the gifset when i find it) also martha, the female lead, seems not that important in the first season but don't be fooled by that. the ending is.... complex and cool and holy shit there is still one thing we don't know and ahdkksks it's a surprise tho so 👀👀. i recommend watching it in german if possible and with subtitles. i've watched a few scenes in english and idk the voice actors don't seen to fit, but i don't know about other languages. the 100 is also a pretty good show but it's.... it has queerbaiting. and to be honest, the queerbaiting is probably the only reason the show made it to a seventh season. lexa, a lesbian, dies and they use her death for the queerbaiting since she gets together with clarke, the lead character. clarke is a character that gets a lot of hate from both fandom and the characters, a lot of unfair hate if you ask me. she has to do a lot of decisions that are just not meant to be for a single human being, @/solntserises and i and a lot of arguements over placing the blame on her or placing the blame on society and the situation itself. clarke basically does what she needs to do, what she needs to do in order to protect her people, her friends, her family. she often just doesn't have good options, and if she has then she deems the risk too high or something too good to be true (which, she often is right about???). after s1 her friends push her into situations where she has to make the hard choice, but if it doesn't work out how they want it to work out they get mad at her. which is not fair. i remember hearing that raven finally understands what clarke goes through in s7? but i haven't watched the season. i gave up the moment lexa died and didn't want to watch past it, but when @/solntserises started we watched the other seasons together.

there is also shadowhunters which is an okay show ig, i've watched vikings until s5 too and i quite liked it, prison break has a lot of cool stuff to offer but i'd be careful watching it in case of any triggers you might have. i don't remember 100% of the plot but enough to say that one of the characters is a pervert and an awful person, so lots of murder, a lot of blood and yeah. the two main characters are brothers and mostly innocent in this but yeah. they break out of a prison y'know.

lucifer is !!! i think it goes after dc comics? so ig it's somehow part of the dceu but they're like.... never mentioned so idk. it's really fun tho!! you probably have heard from the vampire diaries right? yeah well, there is a spin off called the origianls and it's actually really good. it had some times where i was going to call it off but it's fine, legacies is both tvd's and to's spinoff and from the quality it can't really compare, it's still fun to watch and seeing the new generation grow up. (also a lot more canon gays)

for some movies: i don't really watch many but i've watched every movie in the mcu so far, i have the extended special editions for both the lord of the rings and the hobbit trilogy, the half of it is about ellie chu, an asian girl living in a small town with her depressed dad and falling in love with aster flores, and just.... finding herself, finding out what she wants, who she is and trying to figure out where life takes her. the movie is great!! the romance process is really slow and not that much of the main focus, but more of ellie finding her place in the world? the old guard is a fantastic movie that i watched because of @/keiraknigthly, it's really fun to watch!!

i look forward to talking to you more often!! 🥰💞

[wishingfornever]

10/11/17 – No Contact:  Meta Entry

I had a series of dreams.  The last dream, you were here and we just laid together.  I kissed the back of your neck and you were happy. Then I woke up and find I had been cuddling with Max the WHOLE TIME!!!  GASP!!!

Kidding, but that was the last dream. You had a black tank top, black underwear, and that red beanie.  I remember… a lot from that dream. I’m waiting to propose to you to carry on and continue your life.  As I said, your mom told me to look after you and I still intend to.  Of course, you don’t deserve it.  Your behavior was just… incredibly bad.  And then you justified the stupidest things.  You don’t deserve forgiveness.  You don’t deserve a second chance.

You’re lucky I’m not you.

Maybe I’m being harsh.  Maybe I’m telling myself this so I can wait the full two months to message you again.  Or maybe I’m totally justified.  You really fucked up.  You’ll see that eventually but I can’t make you see it.  Thus, this is a lesson you’ll have to learn yourself.

I hope you don’t view my offer as a safety net.  Like, seriously, if I’m trying to be nice then don’t overthink it.  I suspect you’ll avoid my offer, though.  Maybe that’s why.  Not enough pressure. What a bunch of bullshit.

My one concern is that I stop caring about you before I offer you a place.  Sort of like how you stopped caring.  See?  Like that.  You REALLY don’t deserve a second chance.  If I were a wiser man, I’d have left you for dead.  You’d be stuck with Dennis or move back. Worse yet, you’d move from man to man trying to find a place for yourself, constantly getting high and NEVER getting your GED.  Your life will stagnate.  I guarantee it will with Dennis or any other prick on the internet who says he “Totally cares, for sure.” Your two best options will be with me or with your mom.  Because unlike those other internet tools, I won’t let you get high.  I’m sick of it.  Pot is fucking stupid and you’re stupid for liking pot.

You’re getting your fucking GED.  If you’re here, I will MAKE you get it.  That is not an option. That said… you don’t need to choose me.  You can choose your parents.  I’m sure they’d be THRILLED to have you back.  Well, your mom at least. Thing is, it’s your mom.  She has two sides.  Not saying she’s a bad person, but she’s a hard person.  I know because she’s somewhat like my dad, just my dad is less hippie-ish.

Whatever… Anyways, Max isn’t eating his food.  That’s a problem.  He’s… been grumpy.  I told you I applied for a job at Starbucks.  Here’s the thing.  I wanted to go to Starbucks and apply in person.  But… I can’t.  Because Max has been very temperamental.  Like, so much. So, I’m sticking by with him.  We could use someone who will stay here with him.  Like you.  That’d be super helpful.

Anyways, I just checked with my application in Starbucks.  Turns out to… have not saved.  So, I re did it.  Not that hard.  But as of today? I officially applied for a job.  After this week, I’ll start applying at other places.  Hopefully in person.

Holy crap.  I know how to propose.  Custom banner.  In NationStates. It’ll say, “Esther’s Nation, will you marry me?” and have one of the letters replaced with a hammer and sickle.  Or put the hammer and sickle in a heart.  Gasp.  :o

Cringe now.  I know.  We won’t get together because of reasons.  Probably because you don’t want to see me again.  That’s why I wrote it here.  Because you’re not going to read it.  It’s funny though. Clever.  I mean, not romantic.  But the region will think it’s cute.  :D

Whatever.  If we do get together again, I’ll have to try to delete this.  Or maybe I won’t, idk.  Kind of ruins the authenticity of the journal to go back and delete things… so… whatever.

I need Max.  This cute Asian gal ran up and said, “Awwwww!  What’s his name!”  I was awkward at the time because I didn’t expect it. I said “Max.  Be careful, he’s grumpy.”  But she was super cheerful.  Was getting out of her car at the time.

I might be a bit socially awkward.  I have to be in control of the situation to prevent it and I have to be super confident in myself.  I put on some pounds and I did almost nothing to my hair.  I mean… I brushed it.  Kinda looks cute.  But could be better.  Breath smells of onions.  Intending to shower when I got back.  Just… not a good situation for me.  She didn’t get close enough for that.  Was cute though.

Shane isn’t doing well.  He said he coughed up blood.  Concerning.  Told him to see a doctor.  I hope he’s fine.

Meanwhile, Walter (who ADORES NationStates) wants to do a NationState scenario with me.  Like a space race.  I think it’d be super cool.  We’re doing some planning.  Won’t need that much time.  I won’t have to much time to begin with.  I’ll be working at Starbucks soon.  And, of course, my book.  Which I haven’t touched for a while.  I’ll make time for it this week.  I’m waking up earlier, if you can believe it.

I’ve been sleeping in, unfortunately.  But I’m getting over it.  I didn’t do my sets yesterday.  I didn’t run, either.  Didn’t today.  Been focusing on Max.  He just wants to walk, so we’re just walking.  Super inactive.  Eh.  :/

I want to message you.  I always do when I write in the journal.  I think because I want responses for somethings.  Or at least input. Idk.  It’ll fade.  Eventually, I’ll stop writing in this journal. That’ll either be a good thing or a bad thing.  Either it’s a bad thing because that means I stopped caring and have totally given up on you or that we’re back together and there is no need for the journal.  I guess having a journal at all is pretty desperate.  I mean… why?  This journal is more about us than it is about me.  If I keep it… idk.  The posts won’t be as long.  I don’t know what I’d put in there… or why.

Why did I begin this one? It’s helped me deal with the end of our relationship.  It also documents what’s been happening for us.  But… eh.  It’s the truth.  Maybe that’s a bad thing.  The truth often isn’t welcome. Maybe I’ll upload it to a blog next year.  For giggles.  I’ll send you a link to it then.  On 9/3/18.  Wouldn’t that be fun, eh? Idk.  Just an idea.  This would make it in there too. It’ll be weird to see me bitching about the format.  And converting it would be a pain in my ass.  Oh, I’ll make it a Tumblr thing. Set it to public.  Not to slut shame you or to shit on Dennis or anything.  I just think it’d be good to document.  Might be a fun read, idk.  ;) Anyways, Adela just came back.  I spoke with her.  Couldn’t get the scale to work.  Earlier today I was in such a good mood, I could have sworn I lost weight.  I little bit later, I felt super self-conscious and I felt like I gained weight. I need a scale to measure everything.  That way, I won’t get complacent and I won’t have to guess.  I could lose 40 pounds and I wouldn’t notice.  Though, I think I’d notice gaining 40 pounds at this point.  I’ll be honest.  Thing is, I didn’t realize I lost weight when I lost 10 pounds.  So… weird.  I guess it’s easier to see my failures than successes.  Hrm…

Whatever.

I’m thinking about when I publicize this all.  You probably won’t like it.  You’ll probably ask me to take down or not do it at all.  Or if you read this, you might ask me to do it.  I guess it depends on how I end this journal.  We’ll see.  It’d only be surprising to people who we don’t know if this is posted.  You’ll know how it ends and anyone who knows us will know how it’ll end.  And people will be surprised to know I came up with these bullshit titles before I even thought about posting any of this.

No names will be changed.  So, if you don’t like it, maybe you can sue.  So even if you hate me, you can still have a happy ending.  ;) This would be A LOT of honesty.  To just put out there.  It’ll be nice to have total strangers think I’m crazy too.  Ah, well.  Shane might have died.  He stopped responding to me.  So has Walter, actually.

Btw, I told Randy everything.  I think I mentioned that.  Might not have. Regardless, he responded.  Was very nice to me.  Kind of sympathetic. It was nice.  I had to reiterate that I had nothing against you or Dennis.  Though, I guess you’d disagree after reading all of this.

If not against Dennis, then against you.  Saying you don’t deserve a second chance.  I stand by my words; you really don’t.  And Dennis is still a piece of shit.  Thing is, I don’t have to like someone to not have a grudge.  I don’t have a grudge against Dennis.  No vendetta needing fulfilling.  And, obviously, no vendetta against you.  Rather, you piss me off and Dennis is dead to me.  He’s a slimebag piece of shit that literally EVERYONE can see but you.  You think he’s awesome, but that’s because he’s a terrible person.  You have only his word to take on it. He doesn’t talk to Shane or Jeremiah anymore for a reason.  He brought this on himself.  Everyone who used to associate with him stopped talking to him.  Walter joked about how he didn’t recognize Dennis’s name.

Gotta give him credit, though.  At least he’s dedicated to fucking up and cutting contact with everyone he’s ever called friend.  If I had known that’s all that it takes to win your heart, I’m sure I wouldn’t be writing this journal.  Sorry, but Jer and I have a relationship that you wouldn’t understand.  In High School, it was compared to Turk and JD from Scrubs by our friends.  The ultimate bromance.  Apparently the actors who play them are best friends in real life.  That’s interesting.  I wonder which one of us was Turk and which one was JD.  I haven’t seen much of the show to make a comparison.

Speaking of Jer, he REALLY wants me to download League of Legends.  I… probably won’t.  Because of reasons.  Mostly that I won’t have time for video games between a job, my book, and learning Spanish.  I haven’t begun yet but… soon.  Measuring life by the week. ;)

Anyways, I’m tired.  Also hungry.  Going to get food and watch dumb videos.  I mean, I could work on my book, but nah. I’m a terrible person with a shitty work ethic.  Don’t tell Starbucks, though.  ;)

Before I go and begin the next entry… it would appear I’m rather macabre.  I was watching JonTron’s old review for a dorky game, I was thinking his bird was going to die soon.  I don’t know why I would think that.  Birds have a lengthy life, for one… and for two, WHO THE FUCK THINKS ABOUT WHEN SOMEONE LOSES THEIR ANIMALS?!?  Ugh… I know it’ll suck to lose a pet.  Thing is, I ask this to myself a lot with people’s pets.

Jack died when I came back from Texas the first time.  I had to bury him.  It sucked.  Then there were other pets I had to bury, but he was the most recent.  It was… depressing.  He went into an old dog house outside and just slept in there the night he died.  He was old. Oof…  I’m done talking about Jack.  Later.  x.x

[part2coral]

LOS ANGELES

I feel like I haven’t updated this in forever. Like, two months. I went to fucking LA though and had one of the best trips of my life. And I’m going to write all about it here. 

So on February 15th, a Wednesday, Tori and I get a text from Austin in our group message asking us to come with them to LA the next day. The original plan was for just them two to go, but at the last minute they extended the invitation to us. It was SO last minute. Initially I was like, nah I can’t go. I’ll miss too much class and I need to do too many things. But as the night went on, it became more realistic as I thought of all the things I would need to get into order and how it could be plausible!

That night, there was an event called Jumprope for Heart that the ambassadors volunteered at. There, me and Tori and Dylan talked about the trip. Tori said that she’d go if I went, which made me like low-key excited. Nothing had happened with her since my last post besides just kind of hanging out sometimes with everyone and making jokes about the whole ordeal. We started kind of just talking about it openly. 

Anyway, by the end of the night it was set. We were going to leave for LA the next day. I spent all night finishing a lab and trying to get a tour covered and packing, and the next day we left around 5pm. Which was way later than originally planned, but whatever. The car ride there was actually not bad. It took about 10 hours. It was kind of funny cause no one even asked me/expected me to drive. Maybe it’s cause I’m Asian.

Wait, fuck, have i even talked about Austin in this blog yet? No I haven’t. I’ll make a post on him later. He is Dylan’s new boyfriend and he’s literally perfect and I love him more than I love Dylan. TBH. 

We arrived at Austin’s house at around 3am. It was HUGE and so freaking NICE. Austin took Tori and I upstairs and showed us our room and bed, which we would be sharing (this also excited me. was I going to get some lesbian action or what!?)

The next day we kind of bummed around. It was nice though cause Austin’s parents bought us all this food in the freezer and we were able to just hang out and nap. Around 2 or 3, we decided to go to Koreatown. This was probably my favorite part of the whole trip. On the way there, we challenged Tori to learn Korean in an hour, and she literally learned it so well that she was reading signs when we went to Koreatown! Korea town there is HUGE. So many Koreans everywhere, which was way awesome and really fun. We ate Korean food and talked about Korean things, and Tori was way into it which is a huge turn on.

This picture is one Tori put on her story of me. We also went to a big Korean market and shopped for Soju and snacks. Dylan was in a bad mood cause he felt “left out.” This entire trip he was being kind of a bitch lololol.

Afterwards, we surprised Simran! We went to her apartments and tried to plan it out to surprise her with her roommates. It didn’t work out very well and we had to end up telling her we were there so that she would come home. She did, it was a tiny bit awkward cause I think she was intimidated by my hot ass friends, but it was still so good to see her at UCLA. 

And then we went to a party!!! All of Austin’s friends still live in LA, and they threw a house party. I was a little hesitant at first cause Austin had warned us that they were very lavish, large living, models/actors. But we got there and had a blast! I started drinking and it was awesome. I fucking love being drunk. 

There was this one pretty hot guy there. His name is Ethan Daniel Corbett, and you can google him! He acted in some TV drama. Anyway, Tori thought he was way hot and I didn’t at first, but as the night went on and we got more drunk, I literally finessed him into a room where we started making the fuck out. But I really didn’t want to do anything else, so I told him we should get back to the party hahaha. Apparently he was like looking for me/asking for me the whole night according to Austin and Dylan. I’m proud of myself cause he’s fucking hot. 

So anyway, I didn’t know if Tori was down to fuck around. I mean, all we did that one night was makeout and suckle on each other’s tits lol but I didn’t know if she would be down to hook up again or not. But she is so hot and cold that it was hard to tell. But of course, add alcohol and all of a sudden I have the balls to flirt with her, touch her, etc etc. She was a little bit salty about me hooking up with Ethan though, apparently she was complaining about it to Dylan and Austin. 

Somehow, and I don’t remember how, we ended up in a bed in a dark room making out. At first, I faked resistance. Like, “Nooo I told myself I wouldn’t do this again and wouldn’t let your ass seduce me.” Kind of as a joke. Kind of not. But anyway, we started making out and it. was. awesome. 

I don’t know why, maybe it’s cause I was drunk, but there is something literally magical about kissing Tori. Maybe it’s just girls in general. They’re softer, and prettier, and have nice hair, and are just so delicate. It’s like handling a piece of art rather than a piece of... man. At one point, we even went inside a fucking closet to makeout. Cause she said I needed to “come out of the closet.” She was pretty sure I was not straight I think. IDK what I am. 

Sidebar: in the past months, I had told myself that this was a “phase.” I mean, I’m in college. Girls in college do this shit. The common theme is this: you get down to the pussy and you freak out. Realize you’re straight. Phase is over. I also told myself it would be a looooooong time before I ever ate pussy. Or did anything with pussy. Shit, it’s scary. I’d have to work up to it. I have one and I’m still terrified of it. I’m the type of girl who told my ex’s not to eat me out because I felt bad for them. 

That went out the window. Before I know it, she’s completely naked and my head is in between her legs and I am eating her out like you wouldn’t believe. Like I hadn’t had a sip of water for a month and her pussy was a fresh water fountain. Like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. Etcetera. 

I can’t remember if she ate me out there. But anyway, I went IN and I fucking LIKED it? Anyway, the boys started knocking on the door. So we put on our clothes. I think just she was naked. So SHE put on her clothes, I might’ve had a shirt off. I can’t remember. The boys wanted to leave cause people were starting to get crazy and fight or something. So we left. In the back of the car, we were fucking all over each other??? Fuck it was one of the hottest things of my LIFE. At some point we fell asleep in the back of the car. We got back to the house about 45 minutes later and were woken up. I didn’t know if our little hookup was over now that we had slept and the moment had kind of passed, but the second we got back upstairs into our room we were right back at it. 

We. Did. Everything. She ate me out. I ate her out. We fucking scissored, which was more for our amusement than pleasure. We were fucking around until about 3am, when we finally decided to go to sleep. The next day, though, waking up we were back to normal. Like didn’t even really talk about it and we weren’t even touchy or anything, although we fell asleep cuddling. The boys knew we had hooked up and so we made some jokes about it, but that was it. 

Holy moly though. The whole thing was incredibly enjoyable and incredibly H O T. Like dude. This is what really threw me for a loop. Like I said, I felt that this was a phase before this happened. But I liked it way too much. More than I have ever liked sucking dick or having actual hetero sex. 

Anyway. Day two. We woke up and went into the jacuzzi and laid out in the sun.

 Afterwards, we took Austin’s Rhino out. A Rhino is basically like a four wheeler off roading vehicle. It was so much fun but so scary, I honestly thought we were going to die like the entire time. We got mud flung in our faces the entire time but it was so freaking fun. 

Anyway. It was a lot of fun. That night, we decided we wanted to go out clubbing in West Hollywood. First, Tori did my makeup for me. At one point she told me to suck in my cheeks so she could highlight my cheekbones, and I just did a kiss face to mess with her. She kissed me. Romantic???????

But first, we went to Griffith Observatory. It was really cool and had a lot of cool exhibits. Then we headed down to West Hollywood and pre-gamed in the car. At some point I made out with Tori for like ten seconds. But while we were pre-gaming in the car Austin made a comment to Dylan about how we should hook up in the same room cause it would be exciting and hot. This set Dylan off like no other. He got WAY pissed. Like, he got so upset they got into a huge fight and Tori and I were just like, “...ok we’re leaving.” So we spent the next hour-ish going to the clubs and finding out that all the ones that we thought were 18+ were 21+ on Saturday nights. So we went back to the car, and they were still fighting. Then we left again and decided to walk around the supermarket. We were drunk. But anyway, it was pretty annoying. 

We went to a sex shop and Tori bought herself a vibrator, which was funny. She was actually way fucking pissed about the whole ordeal. I tried to keep an open happy mind about the whole thing and just be positive about it. But she was not having it hahaha. Anyway, she ended up driving us home and being pissed in the car while the boys were pissed in the back of the car. While I was just chilling cause I was happy.

We went home. No sex was had between Tori and I. Bummer.

The next day, we went to the beach and hung out. It was really nice there. We went to Venice beach. Then we got food and alcohol and went back to Austin’s house, where we threw a fucking party! This was such a fucking fun night. All the friends from the other party came over and we all drank and stuff. Before I got drunk, I wanted to kiss Tori. So I told her, “Hey. Can I kiss you before I get drunk?” I kissed her. Said thanks. Socialized. Drank more. 

At one point I went out to the living room and kind of took a semi-nap on the couch cause I was way sloshed. Tori came and found me and sat by me and was like, “hahaha you can’t hang!!” I hung onto her and kissed her. It was fun. She left cause Lady Gaga came on, but I hung onto her to try and make her stay. She still left LOL. Story of my life. 

At some point in the night, we all decided that we wanted to get butt ass naked and get in the jacuzzi, so we did. It was fucking crazy. I’m so insecure about my body but alcohol will make you confident out the ass. So we did it. We ended up jumping into the pool from this cave thing over and over, which was a blast. We went inside at some point and started watching literal lesbian porn. We were all half naked and lying around. At one point, Tori disappeared. I didn’t want to be weird cause she’s always so hot and cold and go follow her, cause I didn’t know what she wanted. So I just hung out and watched the porn hahaha. 

Cue the hottest thing that’s ever happened to me: it’s been ten minutes since she’s been gone, and I get a call from her on my phone. I pick up.

“Hello?”

“Hi. Get your ass to the bedroom, now.”

There’s something about being desired by someone else that is such a turn on. I have never gotten so hot in so little time. I pushed Wyatt (Austin’s) brother off of me (he was lying on my leg) and literally sprinted the fuck up to the bedroom. I took five stairs at a time. I burst open the door. I swan dived into the bed. I fucking was an olympic diver into the pool of her pussy. Immediately started going H.A.M. 

And cue a replay of the prior night. Making out and touching and fingering and eating out and more funny scissoring. And I need to reiterate: I have never had more fun having sex, ever. Is this what constitutes lesbian sex? I don’t know what does, but I’m pretty sure we covered it. 

At some point, we remembered the vibrator that we had bought the day before. Or she remembered it. Is that why she bought it? I am so goddamn clueless on like, cues. But anyway, we spent the next twenty minutes running around the house naked looking for electronics to take apart to find double AA batteries. We finally found some, plugged that bitch in, and went to town on each other. Jesus Christ. It was insane. I fucked her with a vibrator and ate her out simultaneously?? WHO AM I?? IT WAS SO HOT??? I am no longer defining myself as straight. If that was as much fun as it was, there’s no way I can’t be into girl. I fucking love girls. 

Anyhow, I made her cum so hard that she was like, shaking for twenty minutes afterwards. Did she fake it? I don’t know. To be honest, I faked orgasm. I just couldn’t get there, I don’t know why lol. I think I need real dick pressure to cum? Even though I didn’t orgasm, it was still the best thing in the fucking world. It was so hot. I was so loud??? it was funny. 

We went to sleep. I tickled her back. Such romance. Much sensual. etc. I just like tickling people’s backs. Whatever.

Wake up the next morning. Not even touching. I decided to test the waters and be like, “hey, can I kiss you for like ten seconds?” She was like “you can kiss my ass.” I acted hurt as a joke and she got annoyed and literally left the room lol. What the fuck? Like I said, this bitch is an emotional rollercoaster. Does not know what she wants. Does not know anything. Is SO moody and SO bipolar. 

So whatever. That put me in an incredibly bad mood. But I tried to just be happy and chill. This was the day that we left to go back home. Dylan and Austin got into this huge fight because Austin wanted to stay long enough to see his parents come back from a little trip, but Dylan really wanted to go. He was just in a bad mood overall. Finally, we left to Austin’s dismay. I was down for whatever. 

It was awkward in the car ride back for a couple hours. We stopped in Las Vegas and walked around a casino and went to some shitty Asian buffet. Dylan was in a bad mood again. It’s so fucking weird. He’s just super pissy a lot and gets triggered way easily. 

At some point Tori asked to lie on my lap. She did that a couple different times over the trip. I played with her hair. This is a reoccuring theme in my relationships with people: I play with their hair in the back of a car and later we fuck. this has happened twice.

But this time, I was so fucking annoyed at her because you can’t give someone a stellar orgasm and then have them ignore you. It doesn’t work like that. I let her lie down, and I started fucking sensually rubbing her head hahahaha. I just was like dude fuck you I can be pleasurable when we’re sober you fuckign bitch. So usually when I played with her hair it was kind of timid and just like absentminded. But I was fucking giving her a scalp massage and touching her neck and shoulders and shit. Lol. 

Anyway. We got home and parted ways very early in the morning, like around 4am. 

The entire trip was way fucking fun though. Like, I’ll never forget it. Obviously I liked the part where I fucked Tori the most. The end.