#idk what’s going on with your storyline my love but at least you’re still serving cunt!!!

[purplesurveys]

1412

How many people close to you have passed away?  I want to say around 7. 4 of them in just the last year too, due to both COVID and otherwise. Have you ever had to visit anyone in the hospital?  I get to say yes to this question now. My mom had surgery to treat her myoma a couple of weeks ago and I came over a day after to see her and my dad. Of course, I ended up being a completely useless source of moral support because I just felt faint seeing all the needles and tubes the entire time lolol.

What is the longest time you’ve spent crying?  Nearly an entire night, every night for several months. I’d usually only fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion but I probably would’ve cried those whole nights away if I could.

Slight trigger warning after this.

Have you ever had to deal with suicide in any way, shape, or form?  Well yes, I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve thought about it and how early I started to. I’ve lost a friend to it a few years ago too.

Have you ever had to cut someone out of your life for your own good?  I have.

Have you ever had to call 911? If you’d like to share the story, feel free. I’m not sure if they’ve already discontinued the 911 hotline here, but in any case I’ve fortunately never had a reason to call.

Do you believe that when you die, you get to see all your loved ones again? I don’t believe in an afterlife. But that is a soothing possibility to think about if there is one.

Who would you be the most excited to see?  My great-grandfather.

Have you ever been to a ghost town?  Nope.

Have you ever been inside of a vacant house?  Nah. I had the chance to when I went to Laurice’s place and learned that the house directly across theirs is abandoned, but I ditched at the last minute because I was tired (we spent the last few hours sgett and just wanted a seat. The boys ended up checking it out.

As a small child, did you ever feel as if you were different or weird?  Yeah, very much so. I was teased for my name and really short hair from the get go so I struggled to reach out and make friends for years. Then as soon as I finally got over my name I started getting into wrestling, so that didn’t really help with the whole desire to fit in hahaha.

Did you ever cut your own hair when you were little?  No. My mom easily got irate over stuff like that so I didn’t dare change my appearance.

What’s something that you think tastes good burned?  I mean obviously anything extremely burnt is terrible, but I do generally prefer it more of food is on the kinda burnt/overcooked side, like fries.

Favourite song by your favourite artist/band?  I instantly took a liking to Butterfly by BTS when I first heard it, and it’s still my favorite song of theirs.

What’s something others find offensive but you don’t?  Idk, maybe not liking certain celebrities that are seen as Internet darlings. Like how a lot of people on social media have such violent reactions when they find out you don’t like Taylor Swift. I don’t, so I just don’t talk about it online. What’s something you used to be obsessed with but not anymore?  Wrestling. It’ll always be in my life and a number of my life dreams still revolve around it, but I’m not invested enough to watch every week or keep up with storylines. Hasn’t been that way in the last six or so years.

What's your favorite thing for a person to do while you're kissing them?  Feeling them smile into the kiss.

What is your favorite flavor of Hot Pockets?  I’ve never had those, we don’t have them here.

When was the last time you had orange juice?  No clue. It’s been years, at least.

Do you like apple juice?  I’d drink it if it were served for free, but that’s about it. I never go around looking or craving apple juice.

Do you have any bright colored shorts?  Sure, but they’re all for home/comfort wear. I don’t have any bright-colored shorts that are meant to be worn in public.

What is something you remember enjoying very much as a small child?  Going to this water park every wekeend whenever my dad was home.

How old were you, when you made your very first friend?  I was 4 and it was when I entered kindergarten.

Are you still friends with this person today?  No. I lost contact with her as soon as she transferred schools.

What is something you get an immense feeling of nostalgia from?  This nearby mall that we’d be at every weekend. They’ve barely changed the interior and the layout in the last 20 or so years so it feels like a really old mall; but aside from that it also just brings back a huge wave of nostalgia. Like I can still easily locate my favorite stores and restaurants just because they were already there two decades ago.

As a child, were you a sore loser or a sore winner?  Sore loser. I was a pain in the ass to play with so I never really joined games.

Did you play with siblings, neighbourhood kids or by yourself?  I played with my siblings, my cousins, and the neighborhood kids.

Have you ever, or would you like to attend a gaming or comic convention? Not for those two interests, but I’d love to attend a wrestling con.

Do you enjoy drawing? If so, what do you usually draw?  No.

Who is the most important person in your life (besides yourself)?  My parents.

What is your favourite song, and why?  I don’t have a single favorite song.

What colour are your favourite shoes?  White, with blue and red stripes.

What is a smell that disgusts you to no end?  Spoiled rice.

What is something about another country’s culture you don’t understand?  It’s not that I don’t understand it or that I find it strange, but it’s really fascinating to hear how people move out and stop getting support from their parents once they’re like 18 or whatever. It’s a good way to teach independence, but personally I don’t think I’d be able to handle it haha.

Do you ever attend the theater? If so, which play did you see last?  No.

How about the opera or the ballet?  I haven’t seen an opera but I’ve watched a few ballet recitals before.

Do you volunteer your time to anything charitable? If so, what?  I barely have the time to volunteer, so I try to make up for it through donations.

Do you donate money to any charities? If so, which ones?  Yes. Not usually charities, though; I donate to animal NGOs and emergency situations that involve dogs, like if someone needs financial help for their pet’s surgery.

Do you donate your old clothes, linen etc. to charitable organizations?  I hand them down to other relatives.

Have you ever had to rely on other people’s charity?  We’ve never been in this situation before. We did hit a rough patch during the pandemic and I experienced my aunt getting us food occasionally, but I think it was just to treat us to experience luxuries every now and then since we had to keep the family expenses down to the very basics at some point. But it had never gotten really bad to the point that we had to be completely reliant on a relative or family friend.

Have you ever donated to a cause that had a person going door to door? I wouldn’t say it had been ‘donating to a cause’ per se, but during the pandemic there was this really nice young man who used to go from door to door selling baked goods. I spent the last of my college allowance supporting him just cos I felt bad, but when my money ran out I had to stop buying :(

In general, what is your opinion on charity?  It’s a nice show of humanity.

What is your go-to form of entertainment?  Good Mythical Morning, Korean variety shows, and anything to do with BTS.

Is there a book series you’re currently collecting?  Nope.

Is there something you wish you could do online that isn’t possible yet? Identifying music through humming or instrumental covers. So far Siri can only recognize songs if it hears the actual song, so it’s torture when I can only remember the melody to a song hahaha.

What was a website you used to frequent that doesn’t exist anymore? Multiply, Southeast Asia’s version of Myspace alongside Friendster lol. What kinds of jokes do you like the best?  Rhett and Link have their own unique humor that I’m never gonna be able to explain or describe, but I love their dynamic. It’s a combination of slapstick, Southern upbringing, and inside jokes that just works.

What’s the silliest thing you’ve worn on your body in public?  A kimono, a masquerade mask, and a hula hoop. At the same time.

What’s the most important thing in your life right now?  Figuring out what the fuck is best for me career- and mental health-wise and deciding if I should resign soon or power through at my job.

Who was the last person to give you a high-five?  My cousin.

Are you currently taking any prescription medications?  Nope.

Do you like skim milk?  I’ve never tried it.

Are you missing anyone right now?  Sure.

Biggest mistake to date?  Staying too long in a relationship that was going to fail anyway. Being happy in the now and “Let’s cross that bridge when we get there” are shitty, naive takes.

Have you ever lived in Tennessee?  No.

Does anyone in your family smoke?  I have a couple of uncles who do.

Have you kissed anyone in the last week?  No.

Do you enjoy classic rock?  Not really.

Are you anemic?  Nope.

Do you usually go watch fireworks on the 4th of July?  I don’t celebrate that.

Do you remember when the game Oregon Trail was really popular?  No, I think I was too young for that game.

What did you do last Valentine’s Day?  Went to work.

Have you ever had a crush on someone, and found out they liked your friend?  This hasn’t happened before, no.

Have you ever been liked by someone you didn’t expect would like you? Yeah.

How many times have you been pulled over by the cops?  Four. One of those instances the officer was nice enough to note from my license that I wasn’t from the area and let me go; two of those instances I cried my way out; and one of those instances the cop was just completely grumpy and rude and I paid the fine.

What is your mood like right now?  A little agitated because I know I have to work again tonight, but I’m also in a I’m-just-unable-to-give-a-fuck-at-this-point mood so I’m just delaying the work for as long as I can.

Who did you last embarrass yourself in front of?  Not super sure, it’s surprisingly been a while since I’ve felt embarrassed.

What was the reason you last smiled?  Angela told a hilarious joke just a minute ago.

Have you ever felt a baby kick?  Probably when my mom was pregnant with my brother. I found the kicking fascinating.

When is the last time you did something truly fun, and what was it?  Last weekend when I played Cards Against Humanity with my relatives and it got inappropriate really quick hahaha.

What kind of computer are you on?  Macbook Air.

Do you eat Chinese food? If so, what’s your favorite dish?  Yep. Minced pork with eggplant. 

What is the worst thing you’ve ever done when you were really angry?  Say things for the sole purpose of inflicting pain.

Have you ever walked on a pier at the beach?  I don’t think I’ve even been to a pier before.

How about under one?  Nope.

At what age do you first remember feeling butterflies in your stomach around someone?  Like 12 or so.

Do you feel that way around anyone now?  No.

What is your main heritage?  Filipino.

If you could have a sea creature as a pet, what would you want?  I wouldn’t.

How about a farm animal?  Maybe a pig.

What is a song that you hate to admit you like?  I’m not ashamed of the songs I listen to.

What part of your body have you had the most problems with in your life? Hair.

Can you imitate any accents well? If so, which one(s)?  Not really.

Do you like having your ear nibbled on?  I mean in a sexual sense yeah but outside of that, that’s just gross and completely random LOL

Has anyone ever given you a rose/roses?  Yes.

Are you watching your weight?  No.

What is the coolest tattoo you’ve ever seen?  I haven’t seen any that have stood out to me.

Have you ever created anything artistic that you’re proud of? If so, what? Not really; there’s not a single artistic bone in me.

What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable?  Possible career prospects for when I’m older.

What is a subject you can talk on and on about and not get sick of it?  BTS.

How do you feel now about the first person you ever dated?  Rage.

[lover-of-trash-and-people]

bittersweet netflix shadow and bone finale (s1 e8) rewatch; accoutrement: white wine with ice cubes in it (no YOU'RE a mom drink shh)

my wine's like fruity I love her

light and darkness title card we love to see it

Inej looking at Alina before she goes below deck to hide <3

okay that 'what can you really do on your own' was like not fun that shit hurted

okay but Jesper's 'not enough'? <3

oh no my baby Zoya's first inkling that Darkles does not really care

omg Helnik just appeared and I remembered how much heartbreak I have to face in this episode

gods I love Danielle as Nina so so much

'this can't be it' said she with her pleading smile with downturned eyebrows MA'AM I-

don't break my dumb little heart

I might hate Calahan's little accent but they're making me tear up

oh gods I literally cannot keep a hold on myself when Dani's accent bleeds through with full force, it's like she comes more alive or smth

'I will keep you warm' SIR WHAT-

I am surprised they showed a leaning in for a kiss so soon but I'm not mad about it

her little eyebrow twitch at 'what are waffles'

when that rando said 'i hunt slavers now' a dread settled into me because I knew what was about to go down

Matthias looking somberly at the stuffed wolf's head </3

I am so incredibly entranced by this exchange between Fedyor and Nina and what it represents, it's very interesting that they pushed up their storyline to match with the timeline

damn it's kind of jarring to be back in the Fold

'REMEMBER WHO'S DRIVING'??!!!! *you better stop* meme, *i am, disgusted* meme, *oh wow, oh wow* meme

Mal you fucking idiot you could never take the crows by surprise

the music rising as Kaz starts explaining his thought process, fucking perfection

haha Mal bitchass Inej caught you

'Because if he isn't with Kirigan's crew, he's with ours' WHEN I TELL YOU I SCREAMED

'And why would we destroy the Fold? It's the greatest weapon we've got' valid point at the moment but you know I don't necessarily agree with your methods

the use of the light tunnel in the show instead of Alina just being a super flashlight in the books is quite an interesting addition as well

is this an inappropriate time to point out how pretty Ben Barnes is

okay I kind of love the depiction of the shadow powers okay sue me

'they are traitors who tried to kill you' why are you suddenly making valid points despite having kind of committed low scale genocide

'i never said I was smart' YES MAL BE THE VOICE OF HIMBOS EVERYWHERE

Kaz's face going from 'can you believe this idiot' at Mal to 'fuck me I'm gonna do the same thing aren't I' at Inej

'For who would oppose us now?' *himbo romantic rival appears out of nowhere and shoots at him* god I love this show

him standing calmly in his ridiculous all black attire after nodding at his soldier to stop the himbo in his tracks, i fucking can't

could she summon light without the Darkling making her after he put the collar on her until the uhm moment in the books? idts but in the show she can hmm

'only because I'm not in the game' you tell him Jesper

not me snickering at 'you'll be seen not as a saviour, but as a heretic' LMFAO

'Shame. I'll have to give that speech again now.' THIS SHOW IS A FUCKING COMEDY AND YOU CAN'T PROVE ME WRONG

YES LET'S FUCKING GO SULI SOLIDARITY

Darkles casually whipping the Cut out like a shuriken or a throwing knife at Jesper because he shot at him lmao I can't

INEJ FUCKING GHAFA STABBED ONE THE OLDEST AND MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE IN THAT WORLD AND THAT IS VERY TELLING OF HER POWER

that moment where you actually think that affected him despite having read the books and watched the show

and then he has to go and fucking say 'it will take more than this' and I can't be help but be a little bit impressed at this old fool's resilience

throwback to when he said 'the king is a child' sir you make some valid points sometimes and it does make it difficult to hate you

I would just like to inform everyone that it is currently 6:09 am IST and I am sipping my second mug of wine while watching netflix sab for the second time instead of doing my three papers that are due tomorrow

I'm sorry but Inej jumping to check on Zoya after she gets knocked over by the volcra? first class display of solidarity and sisterhood as well as Inej's inherent kindness

Kaz jumping in front of a FUCKING VOLCRA AND STABBING IT WITH HIS CANE to save Inej, you best believe love is true, kids

god the volcra are so ugly and gross, they did such a good job with them

they kind of remind me of these creatures (I think they might have been called Hollows or smth) from the Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children movie

STAG VISION TIME

despite my dislike for the callous nature with which the stag plotline was handled, I kind of dig the stag vision scene

'It's just me and you now, Alina. And we're all we need, anyway.' I actually feel bad for this old fool simping for this wonderful gorgeous powerful woman despite lying to her and manipulating her and exploiting her power

okay 'I never needed you' *stabs the bone fragment out of his hand* beautiful power move I fucking love you so so much

alright ben looking like ✨ that✨ not only in physical pain but also emotional pain at what the Darkling clearly considers another betrayal from this girl he wants to give the world and maybe? loves? maybe? or at least has feelings for makes my fucking heart hurt while simultaneously soar at Alina taking back control and reclaiming her power as her own and stepping into her own

'how do you claim such power' okay could have had better dialogue there writers

the fucking score lifting as she says 'you cannot claim what was not given to you' good people my heart is full

one day I'll talk about my defense of the chosen one trope because god damn I kind of love it

hmm I wonder was that brief hesitation that we saw on Alina's face due to her thinking about the 'you chose to betray our people' comment or the 'i was trying to save us' comment because that will define some of her actions in the later seasons (hopefully god if we get some, I honestly don't know what with this stupid brownface debacle)

I'm not saying talking about brownface and pointing out that it is wrong (for further context, I am actually brown) and harmful is stupid btw I'm talking about the incidents involving brownface in question

I don't wanna talk about this anymore but I might feel like I need to and end up posting about it idk

goodness Ivan actually believing in this cause makes me so sad because he too has been victimized by the system that ostracizes Grisha and he has every right to feel the way that he does

Ben actually fighting in that ridiculously heavy cloak and kefta when he's about to turn 40 this year makes me super impressed because I as a 19 year old sometimes wake up with muscle pulls after weeks of inactivity it's weird idk

also I understand that this Mal Darkling fight is completely fanservice and serves nearly no purpose to the plot in general but like I? love it?

'I don't have to kill you Darkling. Your past will do it for me' YES HIMBO GO OFF YOU TELL THAT OLD MAN GODS THAT WAS SEXY AS FUCK

maybe it's because I know Darkles will survive and will come out of it more powerful but I can't get myself to feel bad for him at the moment

Inej and Mal tearing up at Alina's condition made me almost feel something despite it being super obvious she was gonna be fine and save their asses at the last moment

HER POWER

a solitary Kaz in spotted on the western side of the newly expanded fold in his signature all black emo boy look

okay but the crows with zoya and malina is such an adorable team? I literally love them so much?

INEJ'S FUCKING SMILE AT ALINA GIVING HER THE DAGGER AND KAZ LOOKING AT HER AGSGSGSHSJSJSK MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE

SHE KNOWS JUST WHAT TO NAME IT WELL GIRLIE I KNOW IT TOO AND MY FUCKING HEART IS LITERALLY GONNA BURST

okay I know they had one interaction but Mal and Jesper would be besties in another universe

Kaz glaring at Jesper when he answers ''course not' to Alina's 'will you still be trying to kidnap me?' tell me one fucking adaptation that got the dynamics between characters this perfectly

okay why do I love that Alina kept the jewellery as maybe a small nod to she has the wits to, um, you know, I don't wanna say steal, but, um, yeah, steal it because she knew she would need money to survive on the run

oh Jessie I love you so much I wish you hadn't said those things on you ig story about the brownface

it's like every single celeb I grow attached to god's like nope that one is going to do or say something problematic (hey btw im not reassigning blame to god for stuff people have done out of their own free will, 'twas a joke)

AAAAAAAH them saying 'the deal is the deal' in the show even though they didn't have to but like they did and I love them for it

Inej literally not being able to not stare at Kaz's face and smile after this <3

'I didn't expect it to burn at all. But it can be destroyed in the end. Just like him' babe you're not wrong but like um just you wait

god Mal being on supportive boyfie mode is well, absolutely adorable, obviously, but I wish we got to see more of him as a person outside of his attachment to Alina

kaz my little demjin I wish you hadn't have had to suffer so much to meet the crows and find your calling

fastforwarding Zoya's arc is also an interesting choice to me

I wish the hug hadn't been done though, it didn't feel earned

maybe Alina awkwardly and half-heartedly (remember, at this point the alliance is fresh and they still don't entirely trust each other) reached for a hug and Zoya avoided her? and then the rest of Zoya's lines followed? that would have made more sense to me at least

I love Sujaya as well, she brought life into Zoya with whatever little screentime and scraps of writing she got

inej asking kaz 'what's your angle?' beep bop bleep morp I sense another incoming embarrassing love confession

'but we do need you' *stares at her face intensely* 'I need you' ah look at the clock, look's like it's time to screech and flap your arms like you're a volcra because you're incapable of containing your emotions

NO YOU CAN'T GO DIRECTLY FROM KANEJ PROGRESS TO HELNIK BREAKUP (TEMPORARY, MIND YOU)

helnik my loves you don't deserve this I'm so sorry for both of you

Matthias fucking smiling ruefully while he says 'this was... just a cruel joke all along' THIS IS NOT FUCKING OKAY

omg hellgate

AAAAAAAAH NINA IS ON THE SAME FRAME AS THE OG CROWS I CAN'T HANDLE THIS

CAMERA PAN FROM KAZ SAYING 'JUST HOW THIS ALL STARTED... WE'RE GONNA NEED A HEARTRENDED' TO NINA OVERHEARING HIM AND LOOKING OVER?????!!!!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING THIS TO ME?!

Nina genuinely being curious as to the status of the sun saint because she obviously still cares

Also, 'But she is a Saint' okay Kaz trying to earn brownie points you have succeeded

DID THAT SAILOR JUST SAY 'GOED MORGEN FENTOMEN' TO MALINA BECAUSE I AM NOT OKAY WITH THEM JUST THROWING THAT IN MY FACE ALL OF A SUDDEN

gods I know I'll probably see them again but my heart is full of sorrow as my eyes drink in the sight of my crows for the last time for a while

I know people were annoyed at the meadow flashbacks but guess what? as a darklina, I loved them

'now that the Darkling is dead' could have phrased that a little differently my dudes that line needed to hold more weight

am I glad that they showed Darkles in this state with his nichevo'ya as a tasty little cliffhanger despite not being entirely true to the source material? maybe but only because Ben Barnes saying 'follow' and the nichevo'ya doing exactly so sent a chill down my spine

well, that's it for now, I'll have to move on I guess, get back to my real life which I'm obviously not ready to do

thank you to whoever actually read these things

I probably should have just made reactions or commentary videos instead but I'm lazy

my tumblr will probably go into inactivity once more as I emerge from my stint in the grishaverse

it was quite short (less than 2 months), considering the length of my other obsessions but it was definitely more intense than the other ones

[littlespoonevan]

For the ask game: 8, 11, 28

Thank you :) and btw I love your blog!

aww thank you so much!! :')

8. Least favourite character?

oh you're really looking for the controversial opinions aksdjh maybe abby??? i don't hate her but in terms of main characters who i'm supposed to root for i just was never really able to connect with her??? i like the purpose she serves in the narrative (particularly in 3x18) but as far as a character who's storyline i should be invested in, she never hooked me in the way any of the others did.

11. What character do you identify the most with?

i'd say it's a toss up between buck and eddie depending on the day aksdjh. buck specifically in 3x16 is something i relate to in a way that feels so real it's actually hard to watch. (and i can never get behind people who are like "oh but the 118 are still his friends/family" bc no i am sorry it's Not the same when everyone else is going home to partner and you're not because it means you're not anyone's first priority. so like yes, buck took his abandonment issues too far at times in s3 but i also absolutely understand his panic and upset in that ep)

with eddie, it's only something i've noticed over time but i definitely identify with the way he deals with his feelings. like the way he sort of feels the need to deal with everything on his own/without asking for help, y'know??? i'm very like that too so it makes my desire to see him open up increase tenfold askdjh

28. Favourite cast member?

i don't really keep up with the cast tbh so idk if i have a favourite??? i think i'm gonna say aisha purely because she gives us the bts content lmao

send me 911 questions!

[millers-planet]

Changes - Inquis!Cal Kestis x Jedi!Reader: part three

Cal has always been successful at his job for the Empire, getting accurate intel from credible sources… Jedi. However, when he’s told to capture the rebel who has made a new appearance across the galaxy, will his reputation be upheld as an inquisitor or will she slip through his fingers as something else than the enemy? - part one - part two - full master list -

Warnings: Spoilers and language

Notes: This is a slow burn fic, and i mean really slow burn. Honestly i have an idea to make this almost a ‘choose your own ending’ kind of deal, like having a few ending storylines for people who like one over another. idk. right now i have up to 6 parts planned out and this one is the longest.

POV: Reader’s

The scorching pain from my side echoed throughout my body and nerves. First there was a wave of heat, then what felt like pins and needles, and then the feeling of knives being dragged across my whole body. I put my back against the wall of an ice cave and collapsed on the ground, “this feels nice,” I could only force a whisper out of me. The cold and staleness of the air was welcoming, I never thought i’d confess that.

“Beeeop?” Are you alright?

I managed to stifle a laugh for the small droid, “do I look alright?” He hopped of my shoulder and nudged me, almost like a dog. “BD, I can’t, do you have any stims?” The empty click from his robotic frame served as an answer.

“Beedop.” Let’s go. I just wanted to lay there on the ground, the cold floor was able to alleviate some pain. Nevertheless, i know i have to carry on, Cere is waiting for me.

Cere.

Is what Cal said true? She couldn’t do that, that’s impossible, why would she betray him like that? I’d have to ask her myself, I shouldn’t take his word for it. I saw a crack in the wall and dug my hand into it, pulling myself off the floor and using it as support when I was finally able to catch my balance. “You’re right BD, let’s get out of here while we still can.”

The small droid jumped onto me, careful to do it slowly to not agitate my already angered nerves. Opened elevator doors seemed like the perfect way out, i wouldn’t have to do a single thing other than sit there, i could address my injuries properly in there.

After walking for what felt like hours and climbing a few vines, i finally saw the Mantis come into view. It took long enough, it always feels like the way out is longer than the way in. The closer i got to the ship the heavier my feet felt, the more it felt like i was going to collapse, the more i wanted to go back to those ice caves. 

“Y/N, there you are,” i heard Cere shout from the ship, i couldn’t of been more than a few yards away before my knees gave out on me. “Y/N! Oh my- look at your side, what happened?”

She ran over to me before i fully fell, supporting me by wrapping her arms around me. Has she always been this strong? I swear her top does nothing for her muscles. 

“The Second Brother, that’s what happened.” I muttered to her, Cere’s foot hesitating as soon as i said that. “Oh, i guess i should call him Cal, he told me a little bit about you.”

She sat me down on the Mantis couch before grabbing some bandages. I pulled up the side of my poncho to reveal the deep injuries I was given, that’ll definitely leave a mark. “Y/N,” Cere started, “the empire captured me. They tortured me and said awful things to me. I cracked, I don’t know what made me, but a purge trooper standing over me with other surrounding us made me give it all away.”

Cere began cleaning the cauterized wound and helped wrapped bandages around my torso. “Next thing i know, Cal is called the Second Brother and Greez and i found you. You, Y/N, can help us undo what the empire did to him. I believe there is still good in him, I might have cut myself off from the Force, but there will always be that shred of light in him. It’s up to us, to you, to pull that out of him.”

I pulled my shirt down and looked at her sternly, “you should have told me.” I got up to walk away, to meditate and recollect myself only for Greez’s voice to interrupt my movements.

“We’re getting an encrypted message from Kashyyk.”

I ran over to the holotable and brought up the message as Greez began to take off. “Mari,” i smiled at the familiar face.

“Y/N, we found Tarfful and he is willing to meet you. But that’s not all, the empire overran our position at the refinery, Saw retreated off world, and some of us have joined the Wookiee fighters in the forests. Be careful.” She waved goodbye and i muttered a quick “you too” before the comms cut out.

Greez steadily landed the ship on Kashyyk as Cere and i both exchanged a “later” as i headed out of the ship and into the hanger where some fighters gave me the rendezvous point to meet with Mari. I hated Kashyyk, the way my boots were weighted down from mud building up and how the forest was alive. However, it’ll be worth it. I’ll find Tarfful and Mari, then, we’ll remain our lead with the Empire. Or, at least, I can try. 

I eventually made my way to the two of them and was told to climb the origin tree, i immediately got sick to my stomach, while heights aren’t that big of a deal when i’m up there, it’s the idea of doing it that makes me sick. I got up about halfway before an Imperial ship hovered above.

“What’s this? A Bracca scrap rat playing Jedi? I told the Grand Inquisitor you wouldn’t be stupid enough to show your face here again, especially after we wiped out that feeble resistance. Love it when i’m wrong.” The Ninth sister blew up the ground beneath me, next thing i know im going down a mud slide and in murky water.

After catching up to where i once was, encountering wreckage of the Ninth Sister’s ship and a dragon-like creature injured, i decided to investigate more. BD and i slowly made our way towards it, careful not spook it and speak low. I quickly pulled a piece out of the creature that was a remnant of the Sister’s ship.

“Is it giving us a ride?” BD chirped and agreeing sound and i climbed on hesitantly. While it soared through the air, everything seemed at peace, with Kashyyk seeming intact and the air feeling fresh. If only this feeling could last. As i hopped off the winged creature and walked forward, the pit of my stomach felt off and my abdomen grew tense. 

“I have a bad feeling about this.” I slowly made my way forward and dropped down off a ledge, getting a bit of nostalgia from earlier, only for it to intensify when the Ninth Sister came crashing in.

“I’m not here for the memories,” she ignited her red lightsaber, “so i’m going to make this quick.” Milliseconds before impact i ignited my own, the sabers just inches from my face. 

I knocked her back and was able to preform a series of unblocked attacks, but she didn’t even seem affected, was i out of my depth here? A glare she dug into me with her eyes gave me an answer to that question and i braced myself to parry her. I was able to deflect a few swings, but ended up being grazed a few times, nothing too serious.

“I thought you said you’d make this quick?” I mockingly asked, wanting to get on her nerves, i soon realized i was out of my range to ask this.

“You’re right, i did say that.” I saw the grip on her staff tighten and the other end of her saber ignite. Can i take what i said back please? 

A series of stronger blows were aimed at me, i got the first two but the last one knocked me off my feet, I could feel my wounds open back up. She dug her saber right into the side of me, i tried to knock her back but i wasn’t strong enough. “How’s this for quick?” The Ninth Sister pulled her arm back, ready to swing;

then everything went dark.

Part four - changes master list

[blue-likethebird]

Shimizu Kiyoko: A Meta

Recently, Haikyuu finished its last match and ended an 8-year run in Shonen Jump. I love Haikyuu. It has so many unique characters with complex motivations, a plot that had me invested for 4 years straight, good pacing and a fanbase full of talented creators. It had a big impact on my style as an author and even motivated me to try out for my school’s volleyball team back in middle school (but I ended up getting hit in the head with a serve and cut after the first tryouts ended rip.) But like every story, Haikyuu had a few flaws too.

Shimizu Kiyoko is without a doubt one of my favourite characters after Michimiya and Suga. But when I reread the series following the manga’s end, I had the uncomfortable realization that as much as I love Kiyoko, the way her character was handled fell into a few -kinda misogynistic- pitfalls. Well, this is me taking a closer look at that. Below the cut is the full meta, which contains spoilers for the final arc of Haikyuu!! You’re free to add your thoughts, argue that I’m wrong, or call me a bitch and block me at your own discretion!

In fairness, Haikyuu is a series about a boys’ volleyball team, and that premise doesn’t leave much room for girls outside of the supporting cast. At the very least, Furudate did a good job making the female characters in his series likeable individuals with distinct personalities who have lives of their own outside of the guys. Even characters like Michimiya, Kanoka and Mika -who are comparatively minor characters serving romantic roles in the story- have identities not revolving around their relationships with boys. I’m glad that the girls were allowed to express ugly emotions, have supportive relationships with one another, and weren’t solely defined by what guys they were in love with. On that level, Haikyuu is leaps and bounds better than a lot of other shonen mangas ie Boruto’s Dad.

Unfortunately, Kiyoko’s arc fell slightly short of the mark. In the grand scheme of things, she really didn’t have much to do and her identity as a character is comparatively murkier than others once you strip away her relationships with the men in Haikyuu. Given her potential, popularity, and the higher standards Haikyuu set for its ladies, it’s a bit disappointing.

“But blue!” Someone in the back row pipes up. “You said yourself that Kiyoko isn’t a main character! Authors don’t develop the supporting cast nearly as much as the protagonists!”

Well yeah. If authors expanded on every character to the extent they expand on the lead, then it would be impossible to get to the actual plot. But hey, Oikawa appears less frequently than Kiyoko does and his motivations and interests are given time to develop. Heck, Yachi only joined the cast in chapter 73 and the series explores her interest in art and relationship with her mother really well during her introduction. We don’t know Kiyoko’s family situation, or why she quit track, or what drives her to put so much of her own time into the volleyball club. And the scenes where she has an impact on the story, or the game going on, or Hinata’s quest to become a great volleyball player, or another character she interacts with are few and far between when stacked up against other members of Karasuno’s volleyball club. The only exception would be Kinoshita and Narita, who have the bad luck of being Haikyuu’s version of “those two guys” so that’s not exactly the best demonstration of what Kiyoko has to offer.

Then there’s my beef with the pedestal she’s dropped on: Both in canon and out, Kiyoko is presented as a perfect goddess who can do no wrong. This setup has so much room to expand on and deconstruct, which dozens of stories have done incredibly well. Even Haikyuu itself has done a similar thing through Kageyama’s relationship with the other Kitadaii alumni and the “king of the court” storyline. Yet Kiyoko never gets a chance to explain her feelings on being held to such a high standard, nor is it ever brought up as something that could be uncomfortable for her. It’s briefly implied that she’s somewhat out of her element when she’s the centre of attention in the “do your best” scene, but that’s not really touched on further. Given that haikyuu has acknowleged being held to unreachable standards is damaging, it would have made sense to acknowledge Kiyoko’s perspective too. Is she insecure about being considered flawless? Is it something that brings her confidence or boosts her ego? Idk, because it’s never explained clearly. It’s like a porcelain doll: Kiyoko is perfect, but by keeping her up on a high shelf to maintain that perfection, we miss the chance to get a closer look that could help further our appreciation of her.

It’s not that being one of the less dynamic characters is inherently a misogynistic pratfall, since there are plenty of male characters out there who could give a cardboard box a run for its money in terms of complexity. However, given that Kiyoko’s character is already floundering among all the unaddressed idealizations around her, to have so little opportunity to address that and how damaging it can be, well it’s not great to say the least. She’s also one of the only characters in the whole series to suffer from this particular burden. It’s kinda difficult to handwave that as just a weird coinky dink that Kiyoko’s not given more development while the arrival of Lev at Nekoma warranted a dissection of how this affects their dynamic. 

This all builds up to a defining moment. The one that made me realize how Shimizu Kiyoko had never quite escaped the trap so many other shonen manga ladies since Sakura and Orehime had fallen victim to.

The reveal that she and Tanaka got married between the end of nationals and the time skip. That was when I realized that for all I loved her and the series she was a part of, the writing surrounding her was misogynistic. 

I have a... variety of emotions about this particular relationship’s road to becoming canon, and they’re not especially positive emotions either. I could prattle on for ages about the execution or buildup, and a whole other post could be written about why I always interpreted her as a lesbian, but that’s best saved for another time. How was Kiyoko falling in love with Tanaka a weak point?

To put it bluntly, it’s because she didn’t.

We’re shown over and over again that Tanaka has feelings for Kiyoko. That was established in basically the first scene they appeared together in. What irks me is that she never gets the same: that the ‘hints’ that Kiyoko returns those feelings barely qualify as hints at all. Yet, with one scene where Tanaka carries her bag, we’re supposed to believe that the few scraps of interest she’s shown throughout the 300+ chapters of the manga they’ve both appeared in is a strong enough end point to lead to them getting hitched. Come to think of it, is there ever even a scene outside of the bag carrying where they spoke one-on-one about anything meaningful? Did Tanaka ever get to see her as more than her pedestal that we saw? The scene they ended off on is where most romance arcs start for heaven’s sake, and it ultimately disservices both characters. 

Once again, poor Kiyoko got screwed over by the series denying her a chance to express her feelings, and the marriage bomb came off as less of a satisfying conclusion to either of their arcs and more like a one-sided “wear the girl down” pullout where the girl in question is treated more like a prize than part of a healthy relationship. That kind of “romance” is more at home in a cliche action bland-com than Haikyuu, where the relationships are written with more complexity. This would have so easily been avoided with even one throwaway line. But since Kiyoko never got to express her own feelings, a crucial building block to a satisfying romantic arc was left out and the whole relationship toppled over like a jenga tower.

To wrap this up, lemme say that Haikyuu is one of my favourite series and one of the strongest shonen or sports manga I’ve read. I love both Kiyoko and Tanaka both a fuck ton, and I’m incredibly grateful that Furudate gave us such a powerful series these past eight years. None of this is me trying to bash the author, story, or any of the characters and I’m definitely not trying to argue that they’re in any way problematic. This is merely one interpretation of the series and an examination of a relatively minor part of the genuinely enjoyable whole. My goal in writing this longass meta wasn’t to condemn. But, in a manga whose biggest strength is having such well-rounded characters, it’s still somewhat of a shame that so much of Kiyoko’s potential stayed just that: potential. Haikyuu is a series that’s well-known for giving complex personal stories to all its cast from major player to one-chapter rivals. Why is it that Shimizu Kiyoko -who’s been a regular presence in the story since the very first chapter- couldn’t get the same?

[sometimesrosy]

Hey Rosy, I'm so sorry for all those entitled anons. You should know that I really appreciate you, your level-headedness and your enthusiasm for the show. I've been a fan of the show for so long and I realised only after I found your blog how much more to it there is. So thank you for that ❤️❤️ you made my fandom experience so much more enjoyable. ❤️ I do have a question: do you have any fav specs/theories? For s7 or any season even if they didn't happen?

I do not know yet. Because 5, 6, and 7 seem to be one evolving storyline.

I’ve had theories about things that I saw for each season, and I got PART of those theories, but not the whole thing, although I can still see them working on it.

Of course Bellarke is part of that. And while we have not gotten the final romantic evolution of Bellarke, we have been watching as they evolve romantically. If the theory had been jossed I would have moved on. But it wasn’t. All the steps were still happening, but they were happening more slowly... which means that they are more important than I was considering. JR was not just throwing us a romance because we’d earned it, but rather he was continuning to tell an epic love story about soulmates who save the universe, and it seems as if it’s not reaching resolution until the end. Which means that the bellarke romance is actually the center, the backbone of the story. The story being the salvation and redemption of humanity. Bellarke love story is what is holding it together. But this isn’t going to be evident to a lot of fandom until the end. And I’m still “speculating,” although you can see the evidence of what I’m saying IN the canon eps. 

That’s the root of my spec. Bellarke, redemption of humanity.

I did spec that Clarke was still in the flame, thus giving Clarke and L an eternal endgame WITHIN the flame while real Clarke went on to have her endgame with the real Bellamy. But we found out in 6.01 that the soul can only be in one place a time. That’s science fiction. They COULD have split her consciousness... because it was based on brain activity, like science, but they didn’t. They made personhood be attached to a soul. It’s a more spiritual story, which I should have expected.

I specced that Sanctum itself, the planet/moon, was ALIVE. Was an actual alien consciousness, not just a weird anomaly. THAT is really because in MY story I use Gaia theory, which says that the earth is alive. So it’s a spec. They didn’t use it.

I specced that there would be time travel and Clarke and Bellamy would find a way to go back in time and stop the original apocalypse with Sheidheda trying to stop them. That wasn’t right. There might still be some time whatever, but not straight time travel, and they’re not stopping the original apocalypse. 

I specced that we’d see a replay of MW with Sanctum and that happened. I specced that Russell would be evil and a father figure for Clarke and that happened. I specced that there would be slaves in Sanctum, and that happened with the hosts and nulls. I specced that we would have storyline with Echo identifying with the slaves, and that happened with her dealing with identity and independence, almost losing her self, and dealing with her king/spy problem. Slightly different but still the same themes.

I specced that Sheidheda was Cadogan but it was jossed when Indra said she’d seen Sheidheda. That made him at least fifty years too young to be Cadogan. I was looking for a way to bring Sheidheda back... and they did, but they did it with a technology that had not been introduced yet. 

I thought that sheidheda would still be in the ship messing with things, but they did that by putting him into Russell. I think i woulda liked an evil ship Sheidheda better frankly. I’m sick of warlike grounders and the sanctum sheep are boring. Only the COG and the Eligius prisoners are interesting. 

I specced that Clarke would be kidnapped (or Madi would) by the rebels, and they’d have to go off to save her. That happened, but it wasn’t the delinquents saving her, because I thought it was about getting her reintegrated with the kru, it was ONLY Bellamy who saved her, which made it straight up ROMANTIC (helping out my main theory of central romantic bellarke,)  and then I theorized that in s7 Clarke would have to go save Bellamy to keep it even, and that DID happen and also served to reintegrate Clarke into the kru like I said would happen in s6.

I’m still looking for my spec to come true that they go back to fix the earth from what they did. I feel that leaving the earth dead and just skipping off to other planets is leaving a very big dangling thread in a universe where one of the guiding principles is “you’re responsible for your monster when you let it out.” They seem to be working towards it, but will they go back to earth? IDK. I hope so. How can you just abandon the earth after you ruined it?

[swearronchanel]

9.03

thoughts ofc, better late than never right?

I’ve had technical difficulties all damn day but whatever, here we go

phyllis rolling up in her car as always

I love when Phyllis’ storylines involve kids tbh

In my head I think that she got pregnant on her fun weekend with the solider during wwii & she ended up giving the baby away. Idk why I just believe it. Imagine if CTM would do flashbacks? I’d want to see it

Aw these boys are cute

“Nurse Franklin, just the person I want to see” I LOVE TO HEAR IT

SHRIXIE FANS UNITE

“I do love surprises” Sister Mj is so pure

I need to know Sister Hilda’s past lol idk I feel like she’s got a good story maybe a past lover like sister J

Infected stitches yikes

Vi checking her file we love a professional lol

“Idear” whew the Scottish jumped out huh Shelagh!

Must be so hard to be Trixie, being the most stylish/baddest bitch in town is a burden she carries LMAO 💁🏼‍♀️

What a LOOK Trixie, swinging 60s baby ~ Austin Powers Chic😂

Sister Frances into fashion huh? I need more info on her too bc she became a nun at 17!! Like she skipped being a dancing queen and went straight to praying!

Sister Mj and Cyril watching sports 😂😭

Ah skip class Cyril lol I do it all the time (i used to anyway, but yes I am indeed the worst)

He brought flowers like a gentlemen lol

Now to the hospital Lucille

Oh no what’s wrong with the boys’ mother?

“Not near my car” oh we know Phyllis 😂 hey we’ve all hit a car as a kid with a ball outside right? or was that just me oops

Ok “Mrs Blair”, let me do you a favor and smack the racism out of you !

Poor Mrs Mohammed ugh it’s sad

Her husband left smh

“You are not dirty, you are unwell. There’s no shame in that” !!!

Trixie’s hair! The white hoops!! I need! the paisley is so obnoxious but she rocks it anyway

“Darn and Dazzle” new blog name😂

Shelagh’s High neck is cute! But not the chartreuse color

Aww Lucille looks beautiful! Hope in that bike side car baby lol

No way it’s just a uti

A Caribbean cafe! We love to see it

“I’m very proud of you” Cyril so supportive

Aww he wants to be a preacher, there’s your future husband right there Lucille

Ok but this was such a tease I wanted real conversation between Trixie and Shelagh lmaoo

“I don’t know what boys do to socks” OK BUT ACTUALLY!  LMAO guys always have ripped socks but why and how??

Phyllis is such a real one, what a good nurse

I hope she is treated by the end of this episode

Sighing when you sit down is a mood, my bones are 60 years old

“I am not a cleaner!” GO OFF LUCILLE.. OR SMACK HER TBH

Give Trixie a better medical plot or any plot this season really, I am begging you

Tell him what it is Phyllis !

“Ow” “ow” LMAO Val is always relatable

How are they all off on the same day multiple days in a week or whatever lol ???

Ah yes a Peter Pan collar ofc

Violet is rocking that green outfit tbh! but why does Shelagh still have to wear that ugly floral dress from a few season ago??

You left your ill wife and young kids alone in a foreign country but you’re ashamed that she was ILL? I have to laugh, the AUDACITY OF MEN!!

I need Phyllis to tell me I’m a brave lass

Lmaoo I also have to laugh bc I don’t have sympathy for Mrs Blair but im sure she’ll be redeemed anyway bc it’s CTM🤷🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

She said inches? That’s not the metric system. Thanks to the writer for appeasing to my simple American brain lmaoo

But ouch that’s gotta be painful

“you come please?” Phyllis is really a ride or die. We have to stan Ms Crane

Now they’ll get stuck in the elevator, Lucille will deliver the baby and they’ll make peace of course. watch. lmaoo let me get a pen and join the crew

Idk I’m not feeling this story, it’s like they wanted to say they were writing about racism while barely touching on it - and I’m sure it’ll be a fluffy ending. The whole episode also seems like we’ve seen it already at least seen similar stories before🤦🏼‍♀️

Phyllis also fixing something for the kids to eat? Again, we stan

“Well done Phyllis” give me more Trixie and Phyllis content

“Wait till you see my haute couture” gotta love Trix😂

The page boy hat works for Val tho💁🏼‍♀️

Sister Mj has a little crush on Cyril, change my mind

Lucille to the rescue to deliver a baby in a wheelchair in an elevator ! lmaoo I knew it

She wants to give her fabric for a sari ugh Phyllis you’re a gem

“I was just lashing out” lol o.k sure Connie

Lucille made the paper! We love to see it haha

Wise words indeed

“I feel at home here” aww Lucille 🥺

Tell him straight Turner

Lucilles dress is lovely! And Cyril being a proud boyfriend saving copies is so sweet. Im here for them 

Angela and May matching aww! Even with Shelagh (but why is she still in 50s silhouettes?)

Val serving a brady bunch look haha, very cute

“No show would be complete without Ms Trixie Franklin” damn right Vi!

The graphic liner is everything! and she’s rocking this super 60s-almost-70s look (the lip is a little too nude but that’s me being annoying) 😂

IMAGINE BEING SO GORGEOUS THAT SHOWING YOUR BARE LEGS IS A SCANDAL AND MAKING PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE? Iconic! 

even sister J is like uh oh!

 Like what next sister? Risqué SHOULDERS maybe 😂

“That’s a hat to you Fred buckle” LMAO I love the buckles

All of the looks tho! Love it

Amen Cyril

“Nothing is ever beyond repair. We break, we bleed, and we begin again. Trust can be mended, love can be restored...” Vanessa always ends these episodes with such great dialogue 

[samcarpnter]

so if you are bitter bout mcu what are your unpopular opinions?

so a few people have actually asked me this since i said something vague about mcu yesterday haha so i figured i’ll just make a big long post under the cut and i am sorry if anyone takes this offensively, i just have to rant about some of this stuff so read at your own risk (spoiler i get mad and it is longgggg)

I do also want to say i love the mcu despite its many problems and i do my best to separate it from the comics because i understand a movie/tv show can’t develop characters the same way decades of comics can and different versions of their personalities/backstories are okay but still there is some corruption i can’t take

First off - the maximoffs. Like … no! I really am not a fan of the mcu versions. I could deal with their new personalities/upbringings if it wasn’t at the expense of their ethnicity. Like for those of you that don’t know, the maximoffs are jewish and romani, they are basically whitepassing pocs and they were very poor and are even children of holocaust survivors … so how the fuck and why the fuck did they volunteer to work for hydra ?!?! just completely corrupting everything that made them who they were is so disrespectful and to make them fucking work for A NAZI ORGANIZATION is not a small personality/backstory change, it goes against everything from the original characters.

Wanda maximoff also just walked into the avengers with barely any accountability for her actions, yes she had to deal with the pain of what she caused at the beginning of civil war but hardly anyone is bringing up the fact that she toyed with bruce/hulk in aou which caused so much damage and very likely resulted in a loss of many civilian lives, how is no one realizing it is her fault ?! she was pardoned for everything she did when tony was painted as villain WHY

Also in civil war i was more on tony’s side, i do think that cap was right in thinking that they shouldn’t be solely controlled by the government because sometimes there are fights they need to do that they wouldn’t necessarily be allowed to go to. B U T they do have to understand the effects of their often reckless actions. Yes they are saving the world but they could very well destroy it by not taking accountability for the damage they cause.

And okay civil war, like really? I just think it was forced and happened too fast, i know it can’t be like the comics always, but the civil war in the comics actually served a real purpose and in the mcu it was just like 12 people fighting in a parking lot ??

Also the villainization of tony is just … NO. like stop please. Tony makes mistakes, he does as everyone does and yes they are colossal ones too - i mean ultron for just one example. But he should not be seen as a villain for trying to protect the world. He saw infinity war coming a mile away and everybody was upset about it. Ultron was a disaster yes, but how is it that tony wasn’t pardoned when wanda and bucky were? I am not trying to say bucky shouldn’t be pardoned, because he was rightfully forgiven as he had no control over what hydra made him do, but wanda did … and she isn’t really apologizing or realizing the effects of some of her actions so … why is everyone pissed at tony??

And god okay i’m gonna be brief with mcu nat because ugh but just fuck scar jo and get her out of my sight, black widow deserves a solo movie with an actually talented actress who isn’t trying to steal minority roles alongside bucky barnes, i refuse to believe a black widow movie with no bucky could ever work

Guardians of the galaxy … jesus they did my babies dirty. Mcu peter quill … i don’t really like him and maybe it is because i’m not super fond of chris “i have a gun arsenal” pratt but tbh i just think they portray quill as a dick who can be misogynistic and a has a very delicate ego. His changed backstory was meh which i can live with but he is so fragile with his masculinity and it demeans gamora. I do like gamora and peter together but it would be so much better if he wasn’t always trying to be better than her or got offended anytime she was smarter or a better fighter than him (which is always sooo). Then mantis was done dirty she should not be some slave to a weird planet man ?? i think pom is a wonderful mantis but she was given crap to work with because mantis is a celestial being like an actual GODDESS  so why is she working for a planet ??? and drax ugh he is not an idiot like mcu portrays him i’m so bitter about that

I understand why scott lang was chosen to be ant man over hank pym i mean if paul rudd was going to be scott it makes perfect sense. Hank is also just … i don’t quite know how to describe hank other than controversial i guess but that’s another story, and scott would come off waaaaay better to audiences as ant man, the thing i am just so mad about is the fact that janet was practically erased from the avengers. I mean please don’t get me wrong i love hope van dyne and a young janet shouldn’t be falling in love with scott, but i just wish they could have at least included the REAL janet, not michelle pfiefer (no offense to michelle either because she’s doing great with what she’s given) being an old knock off janet, and not even like her own movie (which would be fucking fantastic though) but like janet gave so much of her life to the avengers and was a founding member. A FOUNDING MEMBER. And her purpose in the mcu was basically just to give hank manpain like whyyyyyyyyyy

And CLINT! God clint barton was screwed over, comics clint is amazing and is 80% deaf (he has a frickin hearing aid!!) and loves dogs and coffee and pizza and i could even handle jeremy renner being this version of clint, i don’t really have a problem with jeremy but i hate that marvel just made him be loki’s slave for awhile then just randomly give him a family AHA PUH LEASE MARVEL clint barton is a hoe (okay not really a hoe but he has been romantically involved with many of the super ladies) he would not have some secret family also with someone not in the same business as him, and also clint is a survivor of abuse and represents someone with a disability and mcu took all of that away from him ughhh

Okay and spider-man … i think smhc was a great movie and tom is so cute and pure and an amazing peter parker but … why? Like why were we given a THIRD peter parker when we could have fucking had miles morales ?! for those of you who don’t know miles morlaes, he is black and is spiderman in a different universe (the ultimate universe) and so i mean marvel come on if you’re going to put in a new spiderman why couldn’t it be miles? And i mean this with no offense to tom but i just wish we could’ve had a poc lead sooner and now we get into the spiderverse as the introduction to miles which also don’t get me wrong, i am very excited about that movie but to me it just seems like we won’t have a great shot at getting miles in the mcu if they do a series of new animated films about the spiderverse

And doctor strange ugh the whitewashing just ugh and then stephen too like idk benedict cumberbatch is an amazing actor but stephen was made so arrogantly in mcu and he comes off as this hotshot doctor who did it for money and to show off how amazing he is but he actually became a doctor because he witnessed his sister’s death and then soon after his mother died

And then the whitewashing of the ancient one jesusssss the ancient one is not some eccentric white woman, the ancient one is an asian man … i could even understand making the character a woman as the only other female character would be rachel mcadams’s character (she was so unimportant i don’t even know her name whoops) but do not take away the asian identity !!

And iron fist man … it just sucked, there’s really not much more to say

Then elektra fucking natchios was done SO DIRTY elodie yung is the absolute best elektra, i can’t imagine anyone else playing her and she did so well for the shit she was given but they decided to take a route that made her a sociopath ?? i mean i am okay with the changed backstory but elektra just doesn’t go around killing people for the fun of it like she does it because she has been through a lot and wants to take bad people out of the world like the ones that killed her father and yes maybe she is a little misguided and lost but still she doesn’t think killing people is a fun thing to do on a saturday night like why marvel ?? and just the black sky thing was weird … never a thing in the comics but whatever

And also okay … i love peggy carter and i loved hayley atwell being peggy but sharon is ultimately cap’s main love interest and is the main woman in all of cap’s storylines. And sharon was set up SO well but because stucky fans are ruthless sharon doesn’t even exist anymore and i’m so bitter about that, emily vancamp was a great agent 13 and marvel actually did a great job of bringing her into the universe in catws but look what happened, everyone forgot about her and are obsessed with peggy instead … which as i said, i’m not trying to diss peggy or hayley because i loved agent carter and her in catfa, but everyone decided sharon was nothing compared to peggy and i just don’t see why we can’t have both ??

Another thing … why vision? Like why the heck was vision put into the mcu it really doesn’t make sense to me i mean i think paul bettany is great but he just .. why this weird robot? i’m guessing to bring more in about the infinity stones but still idk because that didn’t really happen ??

And rhodey … poor poor rhodey, the casting change was actually a pretty good idea because i think don cheadle is the perfect rhodey (with no offense to terrence howard’s version, i just think don cheadle should’ve been there from the start) but they didn’t really introduce him into becoming war machine at all, they just gave him a suit and were like boom you’re a superhero now go be an avenger ?? with barely any development to why ?? i demand a war machine solo movie please, we all damn well know don cheadle would be great and ryan coogler should direct it, we’ll have no tony (no offense to tony just no more white men) and we’ll get sam in there and they will be a fucking badass team

And i am so bitter that it took 10 FUCKING YEARS to not have a white male lead a movie … marvel you have so many amazing characters of so many different ethnicities and backgrounds and genders and sexualities like why is carol only coming in now and why did black panther just become a huge movie?! should’ve been there from the start ugh

In my eyes, the only flawless mcu pieces that i would never bash are thor: ragnarok, and black panther (and maybe runaways because we finally got our first canon lgbtq couple) and catws if scar jo wasn’t in it. Marvel needs to realize the success of these films, that taika waititi and ryan coogler are the best directors they have and should be directing more films *cough cough* GUARDIANS 3 *cough*

So wow … that’s a lot and it’s a lot of bashing marvel but i just … if you don’t know shit about the comics the mcu seems amazing like i was there once i didn’t start reading comics until a few years ago when i heard about the young avengers and i have loved the movies since iron man came out ten years ago, but the mcu is very corrupting of a lot of the best parts of these characters, and a lot of people don’t realize that

Thanks for letting me rant and as i have said i really don’t mean to offend anyone who is a fan of the mcu or (most of) the actors of the mcu because they’re just doing their job, so please realize a lot of this is my opinion, i’m just expressing how i feel about marvel and for the record, i do love the mcu i just don’t like a lot of what goes on behind the scenes.

[silkygoldmilkweed]

SanSan Is Everything and Everything Is SanSan, 3/?

Previous installments: THE BEAR AND THE MAIDEN FAIR (Season 3) | THE RED WOMAN (Season 6)

Basically any episode that has even the slightest connection to a SanSan moment or a big Sansa or Sandor character shift is littered with other scenes and scenarios that relate to love, marriage, warrior of light, hearts of fire and their arcs through the series. Episode four of season two, “Garden of Bones,” is no exception.

"Garden of Bones” is known among SanSan fans as the episode where the Hound cloaks Sansa in the Red Keep. 

But that’s later. Let’s start with House Stark on the battlefield.

Our story begins with a couple of unremarkable Lannister soldiers on watch at night in the rain doing what ASOIAF/GOT fans do online all day everyday: Debate who is the best fighter in the story.

Lannister #1: Well it’s got to be the Mountain. He’s the biggest, the strongest. Lannister #2: Bulls are bigger than lions. Doesn’t mean I’d pick a bull in a fight. Lannister #1: Well if the bull had claws and fangs I would. All right. The Mountain. Our man Jaime.

[Editorial interruption: The Hound is basically a bull with claws and fangs. He’s that big and aggressive and he’s got sharp weapons.]

Lannister #2: If he ever gets out. Loras Tyrell? Lannister #1: Loras Tyrell! He’s prettier than the queen. Lannister #2: I don’t care about pretty. He’s better with a sword than any of them. Lannister #1: How good could he be? He’s been stabbing Renly Baratheon for years, and Renly ain’t dead.

Just another reminder that the sword is the cock and the cock is the sword. George and Shakespeare looooove their sex jokes. But don’t we all?

Enter the wolves.

Grey Wind and Robb Stark were the best and I miss them. (ROBB STARK DID NOTHING WRONG!)

We aren’t shown the battle but we are shown that nice jokey Lannister soldier with his intestines hanging out. The wolves disemboweled him.

What happens two episodes later when someone attacks Sansa? The Hound makes a point to disembowel her primary attacker in the course of killing him. It’s not just a death, the method of the death a statement. He will tear you apart. (Insert quotes from the Ramsay storyline about what hounds do to a body.)

And then in the aftermath of the battle, Robb and Talisa meet for the first time. And what does Robb, the Young Wolf, find attractive about this strange girl from Volantis? The woman is covered in blood and ichor and fierce enough to take off someone’s leg without flinching. The blood is sexually enticing for the Young Wolf.

This is not a mistake. This is a setup for, again, two episodes later, the Hound uses his teeth and his claws, and it’s a turn-on for Sansa, although she hardly knows bloodlust yet herself. But the fact that he’s covered in blood constantly when they are alone together is a big deal. Her still-repressed wolf self sniffs the air and likes the scent of blood.

(Their first meeting at the Inn at the Crossroads was basically him smelling her, as dogs do when they meet on the road. And later he tells the Brotherhood that he “never smelled” the Targaryen babes. And Ser Alliser once said to Jon, “Blood will always tell.” We’re merely mammals, after all.)

Anyway, this whole season is about Sansa and the Hound imprinting on each other, both sexually and emotionally. And then the feelings not only endure all the years through, but grow.

Back in King’s Landing, Joffrey is being a cunt. Lancel delivers a battle report: “Using some vile sorcery, your brother fell on Stafford Lannister with an army of wolves. Thousands of good men were butchered. After the slaughter, the Northmen feasted on the flesh of the slain.”

The language here is really important because Lancel is spreading propaganda, but it’s also correct. The Starks are wolves. The warging is real. There is sorcery afoot, but not the way the Lannisters think or most people understand.

I’m not even going to address the cloaking scene, because if you’re reading the SanSan tag, you got it already.

I’ll just point out that Sansa looks like a queen and/or a bride in that filthy cloak.

Next is the famous “there’s no cure for being a cunt” exchange and Tyrion decides to send some prostitutes to Joffrey. This is a disaster, of course.

Who escorts the prostitutes to Joffrey’s room? The Hound.

Here’s Joffrey pointing that crossbow at more defenseless girls.

And then when the abuse begins and Ros tries to de-escalate by saying Tyrion won’t like it if he hears, Joffrey says, “Oh, I want him to find out. You will bring her to his chambers when you’re finished, and show him what you’ve done, or the same thing will happen to you. Begin.”

The scene ends there, but let’s presume that the king’s commands are carried out. Ros savages the other prostitute with that antler-head baton. She’s bruised and bloodied. Joffrey gets off or doesn’t or whatever. Then Joffrey throws them out.

We don’t know if the Hound is still outside, but I personally got the impression that he was charged with chaperoning the whores to and from Joffrey’s chambers. I think it is at least somewhat likely that Joffrey flings open the door, says, “Dog, take these two women to my uncle and show him what I think of his meddling.”

I think this scene is structured as it is to establish that the Hound is being made aware of Joffrey’s sexuality expressing itself as abuse. He enjoys pain. It’s Joff’s kink. There will be no mercy for Sansa is she marries him. She will be destroyed, slowly and painfully.

If I’m Sandor Clegane, I realize that Tyrion has gravely miscalculated. Whereas Joffrey previously got off shooting birds and cats, he’s not found a new quarry: women. Sansa Stark is marginally under the Queen and Tyrion’s protection until Jaime Lannister is recovered. But if that falls apart or something changes or she is actually married off to Joffrey, she will be eaten alive by the lions. There is nothing anyone can do to protect the King’s own bride, cf Aerys and Rhaella.

Except the Hound is starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, he is Sansa’s best chance. If he doesn’t do something, who else will?

Sidebar: In season three, much is made of the Brotherhood stealing the Hound’s gold. They give him an IOU. He’s enraged but there’s nothing he can do about it. My question is this: If the Hound fled King’s Landing almost on a whim the night of Stannis’ attack, whhhhhhyyyy was he carrying gold? We do not know how much it was, but it’s enough that he’s livid about losing it. So...maybe more than pocket change? So...maybe as early as this point in the story, he’s starting to formulate a plan to free Sansa Stark? Like maybe he has money and supplies packed, and he is ready to go at a moment’s notice? But then he gets so fucked up and scared and angry and drunk and consumed with lust and rage and jealousy the night of the battle that he completely fucks it up and she rejects him and then he’s off to drink for weeks straight to drown out the little bird’s voice in his head?

IDK IDK, just spitballing here.

Cut to the Stormlands. Renly tells Littlefinger that true knight Brienne’s loyalty “comes without charge,” unlike Littlefinger only thinks about money and is a whore monger and a money lender, etc.

There’s some business in re the War of the Five Kings, but then Littlefinger starts prowling and catches up to Margery Tyrell, and he’s nasty about the Marge-Renly-Loras threesome.

“Your marriage is quite interesting, not only to me, but to the realm. The marriage of a wealthy girl always breeds interest--if nothing else.”

OK, this is one of those amazing lines they bury in weird camera angles and low tones. The marriage of a wealthy girl always breeds interest--if nothing else. First of all, the double entendre about money/interest, and then the use of the word “breeds” and the implication that Marge’s marriage to Renly is unlikely to produce heirs. Clever indeed, Littlefinger.

Long story short, the marriage of a wealthy girl named Sansa Stark is a plot for the next five seasons. Joffrey, Tyrion, Loras Tyrell, Ramsay, Littlefinger, the list goes on and on. They only want her for her claim and her name and the Northern tax base.

Anyway, Marge has no trouble handing the likes of Littlefinger.

Marge: You’ve never married, have you? Littlefinger: I’ve been unlucky in my affections.

No one loves you, asshole, and you’ll never get anywhere near the highborn ladies you want, and you’re disgusting. (I hate him sooo much guys.)

Marge: That is sad. Although perhaps it’s for the best. The whole notion of marriage seems to confuse you. So allow me to explain. My husband is my king, and my king is my husband.

[screams] [screams again] This, in the episode where the Hound cloaks Sansa in front of the gods and the crown, is a hell of a line.

Because the reverse is true.

“My wife is my queen, and my queen is my wife.” Sansa may never be the queen, as Marge says at another point, but if she is a wife, a good man’s wife, she is a queen. Robb says something similar to Talisa in season three. Also, man’s home is his castle. (“Do you want to go home?”)

And then Littlefinger finds Catelyn Stark and goes to work on her. Note: Every word Lord Baelish speaks in this scene is a manipulative lie or totally delusional. After you read this, watch the scene where Sansa and Arya execute him years later. It’s the only correct palate cleanser after this filth.

Catelyn: How dare you? Littlefinger: You may have heard false reports. Catelyn: You betrayed Ned. Littlefinger: Betrayed? I wanted him to serve as Protector of the Realm. I begged him to seize the moment. Catelyn: I trusted you. My husband trusted you. And you repaid our faith with treachery. Get out! [faith is such a religious word and there’s a lot of talk of priestesses hereabouts.] Littlefinger: I’ve loved you since I was a boy. It seems to me that...fate has given us this chance. Catelyn: Have you lost your mind? Get out! Littlefinger: Do you want to see your girls again? Sansa, more beautiful than ever. And Arya, just as wild as ever? Catelyn: You have Arya too? Littlefinger: Both girls are healthy and safe, for now. But you know the Queen, and you know Joffrey. I fear for their longevity if they remain in the capital. Catelyn: What do you want? Littlefinger: The Lannisters will trade your daughters for the Kingslayer. Catelyn: Of course they will. Jaime Lannister for two girls. Robb will never agree to those terms. [Girls are worthless in this market exchange?] Littlefinger: I’m not bringing them to him. I’m bringing them to you. Catelyn: You think I keep secrets from my son. Littlefinger: Robb has surprised them all with his skills in battle. But he’s not a mother. Consider it, Cat? You may not get another chance. I’ve brought you a gift. Catelyn: I don’t want your gifts. [It’s not hunting if you pay for it; loyalty and love cannot be bought for any amount of gold.] Littlefinger: A token of Tyrion Lannister’s goodwill. He wants you to understand that this exchange of prisoners is offered in good faith. Catelyn: Good faith? Littlefinger: Your husband was an honorable man. He should rest beside his family in the crypts at Winterfell. You may not believe-- Catelyn: Get out.

Catelyn says “Get out” to Littlefinger not once, not twice, but three times in one scene. She pulls a knife on him and he sees very clearly that she is a wolf’s bride and she will use it on him. That’s when he plays on her position as a mother and brings up Arya and Sansa. This is a SanSan-oriented post so if we look at this in light of the notion that Littlefinger is the anti-Sandor (as explored in depth in my post Petyr Baelish vs Sandor Clegane: A Tale of Two Suitors), this is even more interesting. Littlefinger claims “fate has offered us a second chance” but (1) Catelyn has never expressed the slightest reciprocal interest in him over decades, (2) it wasn’t fate, you intentionally killed her husband and the father of her children and started a war or two so you could try to fuck her. Like, what?

Littlefinger reruns this entire script with Sansa over the next several seasons, but she, too, is not having it. Littlefinger isn’t in their league. He’s dirt.

Finally, I’ll note that this scene, with Cat and her red hair, is shot so that it has a very red, fire-lit look. Mumble *red woman* *kissed by fire* mumble.

“Joffrey...Cersei...Ilyn Payne...the Hound.” Baby Arya is out here at Harrenhal suffering atrocities. It’s a concentration camp. 

And then we move on to more War of the Five Kings business. 

Renly: Why is your stag on fire? Melisandre: The King has taken for his sigil the fiery heart of the Lord of Light.

Hearts of fire. Hearts on fire. Kissed by fire.

Then Renly calls Mel a “fire priestess,” and I realize it’s interesting that if I’m right about ice and fire, she really should be an ice priestess, because it’s the Hero with the heart of fire, not his wife.

“You never wanted any friends, brother, but a man without friends is a man without power.”

Interesting to contrast this with “You’ve got friends, Clegane?” “Not anymore.” Is this still the case circa season eight? Sandor Clegane doesn’t want to be king. He doesn’t want power. And Jon has many allies and friends. This where George was very clever to conflate the hero and king plots to confuse us. He can illustrate the king through the hero business and visa versa. I do think that by season eight Sandor will have friends, but again, it’s less of an issue because this dialogue is about being a king, not about being the savior.

I’ll also just note here, since the topic is allies, that in addition to Jon Snow having a stronger claim than Dany, just by patrilineal primogeniture, he also has Sansa and Arya, who are blood-kin to the Lords Paramount of the Riverlands and the Vale. The “good” Lannisters are even tied to Sansa by marriage (Tyrion) and fealty (Brienne brings Jaime to the party), and Baratheon bastard Gendry has a distant tie to the Stormlands and is connected to Arya. Pondering, pondering.

“I’ll even name you my heir, until a son is born to me.” I quote this just because it reiterates the obsession with sons and legacy. It’s also foreshadowing that Stannis’ shadow son kills Renly; typical kinslaying over moneys and titles, with a blood-magic twist.

But it’s also important that not one of the Baratheons were able to produce a true-born son to carry on the family legacy. That’s crucial in this world.

Look at this gorgeous image of Dany in the Red Waste, under the Red Comet, IIRC. This is Dany at one of her lowest points, begging for shelter, begging food and water for her people. The Beggar Queen is a survivor, because she always believed in Daenerys Targaryen. Love her.

And then back to the Red Keep.

Lancel: Your own father, Lord Tywin, when I was named the King’s squire, he told me to obey her in everything! Tyrion: Did he tell you to fuck her, too? Lancel: I only meant, I did as I was bid. Tyrion: Hated every moment of it, is that what you’ll have me believe? A high place in court, a knighthood, my sister’s legs spreading open for you at night. Oh yes, it must have been terrible.

Tyrion gets Lancel to inform on Cersei for him. But what bothers me about this exchange is “I did as I was bid,” which is too close for my liking to “It’s not my place to question princes.” Anyone in similar circumstances might have been similarly rewarded with “a high place in court” (like on the Kingsguard?!?) and Cersei’s spread legs. Then Tyrion says, “My sister is a beautiful woman. And it’s all for the good of the realm.”

Most men might tell themselves the same thing. Sure she’s an evil bitch, but she’s a beautiful woman and you are serving the crown.

Ugh. I! Have! Concerns! (I truly hope that I’m wrong that Cersei x Sandor is a thing, but I do suspect that was the second forging of the “sword” Lightbringer. He was trying to find his place/home/family/cause but of course the lions were wrong in every way so the sword/his heart broke.)

And last but not least, noted crazy person Melisandre is up to no good.

“I’m a knight of sorts, myself; a champion of light and life.” Mmmmkay.

As I look at this, an odd line echoes in my head. It’s something Lysa says to Sansa later, when she’s at the Vale. Lysa tells Sansa, “I am telling you all this so you will understand how much we love each other, how long we have suffered and dreamed of one another. We made a baby together, a precious little baby.”

I think that given Sansa’s character arc, dropping the word dreams is not a mistake. I think George is doing his usual thing of hiding his positive, unironic assertions about what’s good in the speeches of bad characters.

Also, being able to make baby boys is a big deal on the show. Carice later tells Stannis they can’t make another one because it would kill him. “The seed is strong.” “...always he found the gold yielding before the coal.” There’s more to come on this front in the story, but anytime fecundity and virility come up so explicitly, we best pay attention.

Anyway, kudos to Carice for making her labor noises sound supersexual. I’m sure it was on purpose and it’s right on target for all the themes of the series.

So, in conclusion, this is the episode where Sansa and Sandor get married but neither of them know it yet, although the fate of the whole realm depends on their love and the eventual consummation of the marriage, which at this point is a marriage in the eyes of the gods but not yet a marriage under the law of the land.

Plus without the fucking, there can be no new life. Here’s to a dream of spring. Cheers gang.

[zackmartin]

NO BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW EXCITED I AM RIGHT NOW, like BMW is deadass on the same level as the suite life for me, like I said I bought the whole freaking series on DVD before streaming was even a thing, and some of my earliest memories are legit watching reruns on Disney Channel, and ironically I just did my annual rewatch a couple of weeks ago so I was like,,,,so beyond excited to see you were watching it and like. I know you’re super busy and stuff so I try not to bug you too much but i couldn’t help it in this instance but anyway !!!!

Yeah, like no offense to GMW or anything, but the only thing that really kept me coming back to that show was the characters themselves and the relationships, but since it was a reboot, I was obviously sort of comparing it to BMW and just. It can’t compare. And I had a hard time really getting into it (there’s so much of it I still haven’t seen 😬), and I don’t really fault them for it because I know they fought all the time to do the storylines they wanted to do, but I really wish it could’ve been an ABC show like BMW was or at least had been allowed to be on another channel outside Disney Channel because I really believe being severely limited by a disney filter is what kept it from being able to reach the same level BMW was on. (also, I won’t forgive them for what they did to a few of my beloved BMW characters, but that’s a discussion for another time)

Literally the writing on this show is so wonderful and so good I don’t even know how to describe it, like they do the whole “life lessons” thing so well that it doesn’t come across as like, preachy? or sorta cringey?? Like, in comparison to the old school Saved by the Bell or the old school Full House (not that I don’t love both, but if you watch it in 2021, both shows sort of come across as very cheesy/cringey or severely out of touch) and while I’m not going to pretend like everything in BMW aged well, it still pretty much holds up. And it has SO much heart, it’s no wonder that I still revisit it at least once a year. AND THE CHARACTERS, like I know some people that watch/rewatch it now find Cory kinda selfish and whiney and while I can see their point, I don’t find myself being severely annoyed by him or hating him in comparison to other characters from my childhood that I now can’t stand. I won’t name names, you know exactly who I’m talking about alskdjf like, I just feel like his worst moments served a purpose? the whole point of the show was showing things from his perspective as he learned about the world, so I feel like watching him at his worst was just watching him grow and learn. Like, I’m not excusing everything he did, he could be a real bitch when he wanted to be, but I don’t hate him,,, if that makes sense.  But maybe I’m just looking at it through rose colored glasses alsdkjf

I revise my previous statement just to say that Cory/Shawn/Angela/Topanga are the ot4, literally no one is doing it like them, dream team, truly iconic, legendary, the way I love them all. Idk if you gotten to Angela yet, but you will LOVE her.

dlfkjasldkf Shawn Hunter, giving me gender envy before I even knew what gender envy was. Also, I’m pretty certain Topanaga was my gay awakening ALSDKFJLSKD like, I just remember being like, 10 and watching the episode where she cuts off her hair and goes to the salon to get it fixed and she just walks out the salon and 10-year-old me was immediately just like 😳👀 lskdjflskd And I always credit zack for being the blueprint for my favorite character type, but I think that credit should go to Eric, because even though Shawn is and will always be my absolute favorite from that show, I think it’ll come as no surprise that the blonde, bisexual, dumbass was my bestie from the beginning

Anyway, I love this so much and i love you so much, and you know I’d never pressure you, but if/whenever you want to throw your thoughts at someone or if you get the urge to liveblog in someone’s inbox you know where to find me, and i’d be beyond thrilled to hear every single thought 💕💕

Okay I’m sorry to be annoying but BMW is my THING, like I own the whole series on DVD and I rewatch it at least once a year but anyway if Cory and Shawn don’t make you crazy enough, once you get to the point of Jack and Eric (if you aren’t there yet) it’ll make you even crazier because they are boyfriends and they are blatant about it, it literally makes me feral. (Like, I guess Shawn and Cory are kinda obvious about it too but the best way I can describe is they’re like a soulmate-type couple and Jack and Eric are like “what if we kissed?? haha jk jk unless…..👀”) Also, hi. I love you 💕

hi i love you SO much 🥺🥺🥺 nikki you could literally never be annoying. also i am so freaking pumped to hear this cause like i vaguely remembered you talking about it but i wasn’t sure but like…ITS SO GOOD!! i genuinely was expecting to maybe like it as much as i liked girl meets world and possibly less but the writing has genuinely floored me and blown me away in…the best possible way. like no offense to gmw but it does not hold a candle to this show. all the characters and character dynamics are so well written? shawn and cory and topanga own my entire heart????? i’m going insane cause like…finding a show w this much heart and good development was like all i wanted for SO long. also gender envy is stored in shawn hunter.

i’m skipping around a lot so i can get to the plots faster so i’m just about to watch the last ep of s4!! i’m REALLY excited to meet jack and angela; i’ve heard so much about them and i cannot!! wait!!! i will definitely be throwing my thoughts at you once i get to the jack/eric stuff because ahhh i’m SO excited!! anyway i love this show and also i love YOU so much mwah mwah i hope you’re doing well

[cumonbucky]

Don’t Say Anything (part 4)

Summary: You finally decide to tell Bucky that you’ve been in love with him since the day you met but what happens when you walk in on him with a girl? And not just any girl; Natasha.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: ye good ol’ angst

A/N: Welpsssss ‘Don’t Say Anything’ won over ‘Tainted Love’ I’m sooorrryyyyyy. Anyways, I hope ya enjoy! Will edit lateeerrrrr

Two weeks have flown by since the day at the zoo and you’ve kept your distance from both Bucky and Nat. You didn’t completely shut them out, just anytime they wanted to do something with you, you’d make up some believable excuse.

You spent most of your time in your room being a depressed fish, the other members of the team coming to check up on you every now and then. It sucked. Why must feelings exist?

“Hey kiddo,” you can hear Tony say from the other side of the door.

“Come in.” you sigh, laying on your side, wrapped up like a burrito. You feel like trash and you look like trash.

The door opens and Tony frowns. “Dinners ready. You’re eating with us. I won’t take no for an answer.”

“But-”

“I won’t take no for an answer.” he repeats.

You sigh. “Why do you hate me so much.”

“I don’t hate you, I love you which is why I’m making you come out and eat with us.” he gives you a small smile. “Come on, I’m tired of seeing you so sad. You hardly come out of your room now, what’s going on?”

He shuts the door and sits down on the floor in front of you.

“Nothing.”

“If it wasn’t nothing I wouldn’t be sitting in here with you right now, so tell me.”

“I just - I don’t want to talk about it.” you shut your eyes. “Please don’t make me talk about it.”

The last part came out as a whimper and it made Tony frown even more. He moved the blanket from your head and threaded his fingers into your hair. “I won’t make you talk about it. But just know that I’m here if you want to talk. I won’t judge you or anything.”

You hum as he scratched your head softly. “You’re such a dad.”

Tony chuckled. “A good looking dad, right?”

“You wish.” you scoffed.

Tony smiled and stood up from the floor, removing his hand from your head in the process and causing you to open your eyes. “Come on, I’ll even serve you your plate.”

“Is this a trick?” you question.

“I know, I know, I’m actually being nice for once, call the police.” he playfully rolled his eyes. You laugh and sit up, wrapping your little blanket over your head. You follow Tony into the kitchen where everyone was, talking and what not. No one had sat down at the table yet so you make your way over to a chair and sit down, clutching your blanket tighter to your body.

Bucky and Natasha were sitting on the couch only a few feet away, sitting ever so close to each other. You wanted to go back to your room. You wanted to be anywhere but here - anywhere as long as those two weren’t there. Your heart was broken enough.

“Alright you little assholes, come sit down, dinners ready!” Sam announced. Bucky and Nat look over their shoulders and when Bucky sees you he stands up, quickly making his way over to you to claim the seat beside you. You don’t look at him. You can’t. But you know he’s looking at you.

Natasha sits down in front of you and you want to melt into a puddle. How are you supposed to survive this dinner with Bucky next to you and Natasha in front of you? Does the world really hate you that much?

You watch everyone serve themselves, talking about god knows what, you’re tuning everyone out. You just want to get this over and done with so that you can go back to your room and wrap yourself up into a burrito again. Tony places a plate in front of you, telling you to eat and you sigh.

While everyone seemed to be engaged in a conversation about something, you stay quiet, eating your food. As if the gods above didn’t want it to go that way, Bucky leans in towards you.

“What’s going on, baby doll?” he says for only you to hear.

“Nothing, why?” you respond, continuing to pick at your food.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks, Y/N. Are you purposely ignoring me?”

“I’ve been busy, James.” you sigh.

“So you are ignoring.” he nods. “That’s just great.”

You roll your eyes. “Not everything is about you, Bucky.”

“It’s the guy huh? The one you like?”

He’s looking at you and god do you want to look at him too. But you can’t or else you’ll break down and you can’t break down. Not in front of everyone. Not during dinner.

Bucky scoffed. “I can’t believe you’re still sulking about this asshole, Y/N.”

“You don’t understand, Bucky.” you try to remain calm. “I’ve liked this guy for years. It’s gonna take a while till I’m over him.”

“Will you just tell me who he is? I just wanna talk to him.” he says and you shut your eyes.

“Can we just not talk about it, please?” again, you whimper. Bucky feels a bit of anger towards this guy.

“Alright, we won’t talk about it, for now.” he nods. “On another note, Nat and I have an announcement.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah so say tuned.” he then cleared his throat. “Guys, Nat and I have something to say.” and it was quiet. They all looked at Bucky, waiting for him to go on. He looks at Nat and smiles. “We wanted to tell you guys when we were all together.” Bucky licks his lips. “Nat and I are dating.”

And just like that, you lost all hope. You felt sick. You didn’t want to be there anymore. You didn’t want to be that close to Bucky or that close to Natasha. Congratulations went around as well as “finally!” and you felt even more sick.

You quickly stand up, grabbing everyone’s attention before muttering something about not feeling good. Without waiting for a response from someone, you make a beeline for your room, shutting the door and rushing into the bathroom. You hold onto the sides of the sink and breathe. In and out, in and out. You splash some water on your face and take a deep breath.

You should have just stayed in your room. Why didn’t you just stay in your room? You can’t get hurt in your room, your room loves you. Chewing on your bottom lip, you exit the bathroom, being startled by Wanda who was sitting down on your bed.

“Shit Wanda, you scared me.” you breathe out, clutching your chest. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s Bucky.” she says. Your blood runs cold.

“Wh-What?”

“The guy you like, it’s Bucky.” she spoke and your eyes swell with tears.

“How did you find out?”

Wanda stands up. “Please don’t be mad at me.” she says. “After you ran off, I knew something was wrong. I hate seeing you so sad and broken, Y/N. You’re my best friend. So I.. Listened in on your thoughts.”

“That’s an invasion of my privacy, Wanda!” your tears fall from your eyes.

“I know but I wasn’t going to sit around and watch you be sad, Y/N. You were never going to tell me any of this. I want to help because I hate seeing you sad.” she responds. Your lip quivers.

“I don’t know what to do.” you cry, eyes blurring with tears. Wanda engulfs you. “Why am I not good enough? Is there something wrong with me? Am I not attractive? I’ve been there for him since day one, Wanda. I thought he liked me, at least a little bit. But of course, he likes Nat. Everyone does. I was so stupid to think that-”

“Hey, hey, hey, don’t talk like that.” she tells you. “Don’t do this to yourself, Y/N. Don’t put yourself down. There’s someone out there who’s dying to be with you, you just have to wait it out. Don’t let this affect the rest of your life.”

You hold back a sob. “I hate feeling this way. Everything hurts.”

“I know.” she sighs, rubbing your back. “I know.”

The two of you stay like that for a bit while you calm down. It seems like all you’ve been doing is crying. You hate it. Suddenly your door opens, standing there is Bucky, a worried look etched on his face.

A/N: I know these parts are really short but just bear with me okay? Anyways, tell me what ya think.

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Sorry to the ones that didn’t get tagged!

[samanthasroberts]

‘Vanderpump Rules’ Recap: I Have No Recollection

Last week on we found out that Jax probably cheated on Brittany more than once, and nobody was surprised. Also let me just say, fuck Bravo for doing this shit to me on New Year’s Day, aka national hangover day. And by “doing this shit to me,” I mean “airing their regularly scheduled programming.” My hangover is not prepared for this. Then again, my shame hangover is setting in, so maybe some good old-fashioned judging people who are stupider and richer than me might do me some good.

We open at Brittany’s apartment, where all the girls slept. Stassi ordering Taco Bell and drinking a beer first thing in the morning is very relatable and definitely not at all how I started the new year (*whispers to self* think they bought it?). Scheana is taking a private jet to Vegas with Lala and her sugar daddy boyfriend.

The Toms go to Villa Rosa to talk to Lisa about the restaurant. Lisa is lounging on her roof with her dogs and can’t be bothered—how I aspire to handle all my future business deals. Lisa says to Ken that she’s “ready to call it quits,” which is definitely not at all just a fabricated angle by the producers to make us give a shit about this restaurant. Honestly, this shit is annoying. This fake back-and-forth doesn’t make me care any more about Tom Tom. Just saying. 

Bravo is really doing the most with these flashbacks and the slow-mo sequence of Tom and Tom walking up to Lisa’s door. This isn’t ; we don’t need any flashy effects. Just give us the drama straight-up.

Lisa wants Tom and Tom to pay $120,000 for a 10% stake in the company, which IMO seems a little unfair. Like, Lisa employs these people. She knows how much they make. Specifically, she OF ALL PEOPLE should know that these barely employed bartenders don’t have 120 grand.

Lisa is like, “This is the deal, I’m not negotiating” but she also said to the camera that she just pulled that figure out of her ass. So… ?? Actual picture of Lisa Vanderpump:

They settle on 50 grand each for a 5% stake. I’m no Mark Cuban (I do watch a lot of though), but that doesn’t seem like the best deal. Like, can you really call yourself a business owner when you own 5% in said business?

Lisa: All I’m asking for is enthusiasm and positivity.

…Yeah, and 50 thousand dollars they probably don’t have. 

Jax comes home when all the girls are face-first in Taco Bell, yelling and screaming that Brittany is being dramatic. He’s like “People are dying of cancer everyday, this is not a big deal.” Or in other words:

Well given that Jax’s dad just died of cancer, that’s very dark. (May he rest in peace.) So then Brittany…goes over and starts hitting him and pushes him out the door, basically. Yep. Ten minutes into the episode and we’re already witnessing physical assault. Cool. But like, I’m so glad Jax and Brittany were able to work out their problems and stay together in this very healthy and functional relationship.

Jax says to Brittany, “Everything was fine until you started talking to your friends about it,” aka, “Everything was fine until you went to that damn party and your friends went and talked some sense into you.”

I know, right? Isn’t it such a drag when women form their own opinions and stand up for themselves? Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em, amiright?

Sandoval calls Ariana to tell her the good news about them being partners with Lisa, and her response is basically “k”.

Stassi is talking to Katie about planning Guillermo’s party and she literally said “I didn’t know I was OCD.” So you like, make one to-do list and think you have OCD? Girl, bye.

Scheana’s packing for her trip to Vegas, and her closet looks like the fucking Piper Lime accessory wall on .

All the girls are like “violence is wrong but Brittany you’re doing amazing sweetie by hitting Jax.” I have no further comment at this time.

Lala comes over to Scheana’s, where Ariana is also hanging out (sitting on like, the floor of Scheana’s closet because reasons) and is talking about how well-off her married boyfriend is. Can you really make that much money from a mid-level film you produced like, three years ago? Seriously, look at this guy’s IMDB. He’s done, like, three movies. If you can get private jet money off of three movies nobody’s ever heard of, I’m packing my bags and going to film school.

Anyway, apparently Katie talked shit about Lala’s married boyfriend, and by that I mean Katie merely stated that Lala is dating someone who, at the time, was very much in the eyes of the law still married. Which, according to my research, is true. Or at least, it was at the time of filming. Separated =/= divorced—a lesson for all you kids at home.

Lala: Are you gonna mention my man again? Are you tryna get popped?

Ugh, Lala, take off your Compton beanie. You are a white girl from Utah. Stop. Lala is every white girl who sees once.

Lala calling her boyfriend “very much not married” is very much fake news. The divorce was only finalized like, last week. We all have the receipts.

Ok so Lala tells Ariana and Scheana that Schwartz supposedly made out with Lala’s friend Allie. Tbh I’m probably going to stalk Lala’s Instagram to figure out who she is. Stay tuned for that follow-up article. Also I’d just like to say, fuck Lala for being like “If you come for my man I’m gonna come for your marriage.” That gives us two scenarios: Either Lala is making this up as retaliation because she’s salty, or she was going to sit on this information until Katie pissed her off. Both are bad, especially if you claim to be friends with Katie.

I’m not really going to entertain the “Stassi planning Guillermo’s party” storyline because it’s obvious that she doesn’t really have anything to do with it. You can’t plan an event with two days’ notice; it’s literally impossible. This event has ben planned for months, I’m not stupid.

Jax and Schwartz are at some restaurant that serves fried guacamole, and I need to know the name of this restaurant immediately.

Jax tells Schwartz that he’s not going to show up to Guillermo’s party, which means he’s definitely going to show up to Guillermo’s party. Schwartz brings up the possibility of having an open relationship, and like, FINALLY somebody brought it up.

Jax is like “I don’t want that.” Jax. Jax. JAX. You want the emotional benefits of a relationship, but you are incapable of being monogamous. I feel like an open relationship is exactly what you want. Know yourself.

Stassi is freaking out about running a couple of errands, like picking up a cake and flowers before 5pm. Yeah I guess having a real job for 35 seconds might be kind of hard.

Stassi has a bar mitzvah sign-in book at this grown-ass man’s birthday party. Shit, maybe I should get into event planning.

Kristen is at this party for reasons unknown and wastes no time bringing up to Brittany how shitty Jax is. Don’t you have your own relationship to worry about? Why is she so invested in Jax’s relationship? Theory: Kristen is in love with Jax. More on this at 7.

James and Jax are drinking together, which is something I never thought I’d see. They’re doing shots of absinthe—how all responsible nights start out.

Ariana goes to Schwartz like “Can I steal you for a sec?” Sorry, can you tell I’d rather be watching rn?

Ariana is like “Soooo I heard you drunkenly made out with somebody in January/February.” But she’s ALSO like “But don’t tell Katie about this now, wait until you’re home.” So why even bring it up at this party? I know, too much logic.

Schwartz is like, “January or February? What is the meaning of those words?” So Schwartz’s immediate excuse is “IDK I don’t remember.” In other words, “Yeah I definitely did that.” Or in other words:

Meanwhile James and Jax are me and all my coworkers, getting wasted and taking selfies.

James: Absinthe tastes like a little green fairy that goes down your throat and rips your balls out your throat.

That’s not a taste, but ok. I really love this montage of their drunken babbling and I could watch an hour of James playing “got your nose” with Jax.

Jax is talking to James about his and Brittany’s sex life (again, things I never thought I’d see) and he’s like “she’s hate-fucking me.” Jax is explaining the Madonna/Whore complex. Wowowowow this is really advanced shit for Jax. I’m, dare I say, impressed. New year, new Jax?

Schwartz decides to tell Katie that he cheated on her in the middle of a crowded party. Fuck Schwartz. You don’t do this. I hated Katie last season, but damn. Nobody deserves to be publicly humiliated like that.

If I had a nickel for every time Schwartz said, “I have zero recollection of this” I could pay off my New Year’s Eve Uber. Also, what a weak excuse. You’re not even gonna deny you cheated? You’re just like, “Yea I probably did that, shrug life.”

Katie doesn’t even really seem that upset. She’s like “What did I do? Is this some kind of karmic punishment?” Not really, you just married the wrong person.

And what does Schwartz say? “Bubba, I have no recollection of this.” Contrary to what I tell myself when I’m hungover, even if you don’t remember something, that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. However, I may start using this anyway.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/vanderpump-rules-recap-i-have-no-recollection/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2019/01/11/vanderpump-rules-recap-i-have-no-recollection/

[adambstingus]

‘Vanderpump Rules’ Recap: I Have No Recollection

Last week on we found out that Jax probably cheated on Brittany more than once, and nobody was surprised. Also let me just say, fuck Bravo for doing this shit to me on New Year’s Day, aka national hangover day. And by “doing this shit to me,” I mean “airing their regularly scheduled programming.” My hangover is not prepared for this. Then again, my shame hangover is setting in, so maybe some good old-fashioned judging people who are stupider and richer than me might do me some good.

We open at Brittany’s apartment, where all the girls slept. Stassi ordering Taco Bell and drinking a beer first thing in the morning is very relatable and definitely not at all how I started the new year (*whispers to self* think they bought it?). Scheana is taking a private jet to Vegas with Lala and her sugar daddy boyfriend.

The Toms go to Villa Rosa to talk to Lisa about the restaurant. Lisa is lounging on her roof with her dogs and can’t be bothered—how I aspire to handle all my future business deals. Lisa says to Ken that she’s “ready to call it quits,” which is definitely not at all just a fabricated angle by the producers to make us give a shit about this restaurant. Honestly, this shit is annoying. This fake back-and-forth doesn’t make me care any more about Tom Tom. Just saying. 

Bravo is really doing the most with these flashbacks and the slow-mo sequence of Tom and Tom walking up to Lisa’s door. This isn’t ; we don’t need any flashy effects. Just give us the drama straight-up.

Lisa wants Tom and Tom to pay $120,000 for a 10% stake in the company, which IMO seems a little unfair. Like, Lisa employs these people. She knows how much they make. Specifically, she OF ALL PEOPLE should know that these barely employed bartenders don’t have 120 grand.

Lisa is like, “This is the deal, I’m not negotiating” but she also said to the camera that she just pulled that figure out of her ass. So… ?? Actual picture of Lisa Vanderpump:

They settle on 50 grand each for a 5% stake. I’m no Mark Cuban (I do watch a lot of though), but that doesn’t seem like the best deal. Like, can you really call yourself a business owner when you own 5% in said business?

Lisa: All I’m asking for is enthusiasm and positivity.

…Yeah, and 50 thousand dollars they probably don’t have. 

Jax comes home when all the girls are face-first in Taco Bell, yelling and screaming that Brittany is being dramatic. He’s like “People are dying of cancer everyday, this is not a big deal.” Or in other words:

Well given that Jax’s dad just died of cancer, that’s very dark. (May he rest in peace.) So then Brittany…goes over and starts hitting him and pushes him out the door, basically. Yep. Ten minutes into the episode and we’re already witnessing physical assault. Cool. But like, I’m so glad Jax and Brittany were able to work out their problems and stay together in this very healthy and functional relationship.

Jax says to Brittany, “Everything was fine until you started talking to your friends about it,” aka, “Everything was fine until you went to that damn party and your friends went and talked some sense into you.”

I know, right? Isn’t it such a drag when women form their own opinions and stand up for themselves? Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em, amiright?

Sandoval calls Ariana to tell her the good news about them being partners with Lisa, and her response is basically “k”.

Stassi is talking to Katie about planning Guillermo’s party and she literally said “I didn’t know I was OCD.” So you like, make one to-do list and think you have OCD? Girl, bye.

Scheana’s packing for her trip to Vegas, and her closet looks like the fucking Piper Lime accessory wall on .

All the girls are like “violence is wrong but Brittany you’re doing amazing sweetie by hitting Jax.” I have no further comment at this time.

Lala comes over to Scheana’s, where Ariana is also hanging out (sitting on like, the floor of Scheana’s closet because reasons) and is talking about how well-off her married boyfriend is. Can you really make that much money from a mid-level film you produced like, three years ago? Seriously, look at this guy’s IMDB. He’s done, like, three movies. If you can get private jet money off of three movies nobody’s ever heard of, I’m packing my bags and going to film school.

Anyway, apparently Katie talked shit about Lala’s married boyfriend, and by that I mean Katie merely stated that Lala is dating someone who, at the time, was very much in the eyes of the law still married. Which, according to my research, is true. Or at least, it was at the time of filming. Separated =/= divorced—a lesson for all you kids at home.

Lala: Are you gonna mention my man again? Are you tryna get popped?

Ugh, Lala, take off your Compton beanie. You are a white girl from Utah. Stop. Lala is every white girl who sees once.

Lala calling her boyfriend “very much not married” is very much fake news. The divorce was only finalized like, last week. We all have the receipts.

Ok so Lala tells Ariana and Scheana that Schwartz supposedly made out with Lala’s friend Allie. Tbh I’m probably going to stalk Lala’s Instagram to figure out who she is. Stay tuned for that follow-up article. Also I’d just like to say, fuck Lala for being like “If you come for my man I’m gonna come for your marriage.” That gives us two scenarios: Either Lala is making this up as retaliation because she’s salty, or she was going to sit on this information until Katie pissed her off. Both are bad, especially if you claim to be friends with Katie.

I’m not really going to entertain the “Stassi planning Guillermo’s party” storyline because it’s obvious that she doesn’t really have anything to do with it. You can’t plan an event with two days’ notice; it’s literally impossible. This event has ben planned for months, I’m not stupid.

Jax and Schwartz are at some restaurant that serves fried guacamole, and I need to know the name of this restaurant immediately.

Jax tells Schwartz that he’s not going to show up to Guillermo’s party, which means he’s definitely going to show up to Guillermo’s party. Schwartz brings up the possibility of having an open relationship, and like, FINALLY somebody brought it up.

Jax is like “I don’t want that.” Jax. Jax. JAX. You want the emotional benefits of a relationship, but you are incapable of being monogamous. I feel like an open relationship is exactly what you want. Know yourself.

Stassi is freaking out about running a couple of errands, like picking up a cake and flowers before 5pm. Yeah I guess having a real job for 35 seconds might be kind of hard.

Stassi has a bar mitzvah sign-in book at this grown-ass man’s birthday party. Shit, maybe I should get into event planning.

Kristen is at this party for reasons unknown and wastes no time bringing up to Brittany how shitty Jax is. Don’t you have your own relationship to worry about? Why is she so invested in Jax’s relationship? Theory: Kristen is in love with Jax. More on this at 7.

James and Jax are drinking together, which is something I never thought I’d see. They’re doing shots of absinthe—how all responsible nights start out.

Ariana goes to Schwartz like “Can I steal you for a sec?” Sorry, can you tell I’d rather be watching rn?

Ariana is like “Soooo I heard you drunkenly made out with somebody in January/February.” But she’s ALSO like “But don’t tell Katie about this now, wait until you’re home.” So why even bring it up at this party? I know, too much logic.

Schwartz is like, “January or February? What is the meaning of those words?” So Schwartz’s immediate excuse is “IDK I don’t remember.” In other words, “Yeah I definitely did that.” Or in other words:

Meanwhile James and Jax are me and all my coworkers, getting wasted and taking selfies.

James: Absinthe tastes like a little green fairy that goes down your throat and rips your balls out your throat.

That’s not a taste, but ok. I really love this montage of their drunken babbling and I could watch an hour of James playing “got your nose” with Jax.

Jax is talking to James about his and Brittany’s sex life (again, things I never thought I’d see) and he’s like “she’s hate-fucking me.” Jax is explaining the Madonna/Whore complex. Wowowowow this is really advanced shit for Jax. I’m, dare I say, impressed. New year, new Jax?

Schwartz decides to tell Katie that he cheated on her in the middle of a crowded party. Fuck Schwartz. You don’t do this. I hated Katie last season, but damn. Nobody deserves to be publicly humiliated like that.

If I had a nickel for every time Schwartz said, “I have zero recollection of this” I could pay off my New Year’s Eve Uber. Also, what a weak excuse. You’re not even gonna deny you cheated? You’re just like, “Yea I probably did that, shrug life.”

Katie doesn’t even really seem that upset. She’s like “What did I do? Is this some kind of karmic punishment?” Not really, you just married the wrong person.

And what does Schwartz say? “Bubba, I have no recollection of this.” Contrary to what I tell myself when I’m hungover, even if you don’t remember something, that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. However, I may start using this anyway.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/vanderpump-rules-recap-i-have-no-recollection/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/181934270367

[allofbeercom]

‘Vanderpump Rules’ Recap: I Have No Recollection

Last week on we found out that Jax probably cheated on Brittany more than once, and nobody was surprised. Also let me just say, fuck Bravo for doing this shit to me on New Year’s Day, aka national hangover day. And by “doing this shit to me,” I mean “airing their regularly scheduled programming.” My hangover is not prepared for this. Then again, my shame hangover is setting in, so maybe some good old-fashioned judging people who are stupider and richer than me might do me some good.

We open at Brittany’s apartment, where all the girls slept. Stassi ordering Taco Bell and drinking a beer first thing in the morning is very relatable and definitely not at all how I started the new year (*whispers to self* think they bought it?). Scheana is taking a private jet to Vegas with Lala and her sugar daddy boyfriend.

The Toms go to Villa Rosa to talk to Lisa about the restaurant. Lisa is lounging on her roof with her dogs and can’t be bothered—how I aspire to handle all my future business deals. Lisa says to Ken that she’s “ready to call it quits,” which is definitely not at all just a fabricated angle by the producers to make us give a shit about this restaurant. Honestly, this shit is annoying. This fake back-and-forth doesn’t make me care any more about Tom Tom. Just saying. 

Bravo is really doing the most with these flashbacks and the slow-mo sequence of Tom and Tom walking up to Lisa’s door. This isn’t ; we don’t need any flashy effects. Just give us the drama straight-up.

Lisa wants Tom and Tom to pay $120,000 for a 10% stake in the company, which IMO seems a little unfair. Like, Lisa employs these people. She knows how much they make. Specifically, she OF ALL PEOPLE should know that these barely employed bartenders don’t have 120 grand.

Lisa is like, “This is the deal, I’m not negotiating” but she also said to the camera that she just pulled that figure out of her ass. So… ?? Actual picture of Lisa Vanderpump:

They settle on 50 grand each for a 5% stake. I’m no Mark Cuban (I do watch a lot of though), but that doesn’t seem like the best deal. Like, can you really call yourself a business owner when you own 5% in said business?

Lisa: All I’m asking for is enthusiasm and positivity.

…Yeah, and 50 thousand dollars they probably don’t have. 

Jax comes home when all the girls are face-first in Taco Bell, yelling and screaming that Brittany is being dramatic. He’s like “People are dying of cancer everyday, this is not a big deal.” Or in other words:

Well given that Jax’s dad just died of cancer, that’s very dark. (May he rest in peace.) So then Brittany…goes over and starts hitting him and pushes him out the door, basically. Yep. Ten minutes into the episode and we’re already witnessing physical assault. Cool. But like, I’m so glad Jax and Brittany were able to work out their problems and stay together in this very healthy and functional relationship.

Jax says to Brittany, “Everything was fine until you started talking to your friends about it,” aka, “Everything was fine until you went to that damn party and your friends went and talked some sense into you.”

I know, right? Isn’t it such a drag when women form their own opinions and stand up for themselves? Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em, amiright?

Sandoval calls Ariana to tell her the good news about them being partners with Lisa, and her response is basically “k”.

Stassi is talking to Katie about planning Guillermo’s party and she literally said “I didn’t know I was OCD.” So you like, make one to-do list and think you have OCD? Girl, bye.

Scheana’s packing for her trip to Vegas, and her closet looks like the fucking Piper Lime accessory wall on .

All the girls are like “violence is wrong but Brittany you’re doing amazing sweetie by hitting Jax.” I have no further comment at this time.

Lala comes over to Scheana’s, where Ariana is also hanging out (sitting on like, the floor of Scheana’s closet because reasons) and is talking about how well-off her married boyfriend is. Can you really make that much money from a mid-level film you produced like, three years ago? Seriously, look at this guy’s IMDB. He’s done, like, three movies. If you can get private jet money off of three movies nobody’s ever heard of, I’m packing my bags and going to film school.

Anyway, apparently Katie talked shit about Lala’s married boyfriend, and by that I mean Katie merely stated that Lala is dating someone who, at the time, was very much in the eyes of the law still married. Which, according to my research, is true. Or at least, it was at the time of filming. Separated =/= divorced—a lesson for all you kids at home.

Lala: Are you gonna mention my man again? Are you tryna get popped?

Ugh, Lala, take off your Compton beanie. You are a white girl from Utah. Stop. Lala is every white girl who sees once.

Lala calling her boyfriend “very much not married” is very much fake news. The divorce was only finalized like, last week. We all have the receipts.

Ok so Lala tells Ariana and Scheana that Schwartz supposedly made out with Lala’s friend Allie. Tbh I’m probably going to stalk Lala’s Instagram to figure out who she is. Stay tuned for that follow-up article. Also I’d just like to say, fuck Lala for being like “If you come for my man I’m gonna come for your marriage.” That gives us two scenarios: Either Lala is making this up as retaliation because she’s salty, or she was going to sit on this information until Katie pissed her off. Both are bad, especially if you claim to be friends with Katie.

I’m not really going to entertain the “Stassi planning Guillermo’s party” storyline because it’s obvious that she doesn’t really have anything to do with it. You can’t plan an event with two days’ notice; it’s literally impossible. This event has ben planned for months, I’m not stupid.

Jax and Schwartz are at some restaurant that serves fried guacamole, and I need to know the name of this restaurant immediately.

Jax tells Schwartz that he’s not going to show up to Guillermo’s party, which means he’s definitely going to show up to Guillermo’s party. Schwartz brings up the possibility of having an open relationship, and like, FINALLY somebody brought it up.

Jax is like “I don’t want that.” Jax. Jax. JAX. You want the emotional benefits of a relationship, but you are incapable of being monogamous. I feel like an open relationship is exactly what you want. Know yourself.

Stassi is freaking out about running a couple of errands, like picking up a cake and flowers before 5pm. Yeah I guess having a real job for 35 seconds might be kind of hard.

Stassi has a bar mitzvah sign-in book at this grown-ass man’s birthday party. Shit, maybe I should get into event planning.

Kristen is at this party for reasons unknown and wastes no time bringing up to Brittany how shitty Jax is. Don’t you have your own relationship to worry about? Why is she so invested in Jax’s relationship? Theory: Kristen is in love with Jax. More on this at 7.

James and Jax are drinking together, which is something I never thought I’d see. They’re doing shots of absinthe—how all responsible nights start out.

Ariana goes to Schwartz like “Can I steal you for a sec?” Sorry, can you tell I’d rather be watching rn?

Ariana is like “Soooo I heard you drunkenly made out with somebody in January/February.” But she’s ALSO like “But don’t tell Katie about this now, wait until you’re home.” So why even bring it up at this party? I know, too much logic.

Schwartz is like, “January or February? What is the meaning of those words?” So Schwartz’s immediate excuse is “IDK I don’t remember.” In other words, “Yeah I definitely did that.” Or in other words:

Meanwhile James and Jax are me and all my coworkers, getting wasted and taking selfies.

James: Absinthe tastes like a little green fairy that goes down your throat and rips your balls out your throat.

That’s not a taste, but ok. I really love this montage of their drunken babbling and I could watch an hour of James playing “got your nose” with Jax.

Jax is talking to James about his and Brittany’s sex life (again, things I never thought I’d see) and he’s like “she’s hate-fucking me.” Jax is explaining the Madonna/Whore complex. Wowowowow this is really advanced shit for Jax. I’m, dare I say, impressed. New year, new Jax?

Schwartz decides to tell Katie that he cheated on her in the middle of a crowded party. Fuck Schwartz. You don’t do this. I hated Katie last season, but damn. Nobody deserves to be publicly humiliated like that.

If I had a nickel for every time Schwartz said, “I have zero recollection of this” I could pay off my New Year’s Eve Uber. Also, what a weak excuse. You’re not even gonna deny you cheated? You’re just like, “Yea I probably did that, shrug life.”

Katie doesn’t even really seem that upset. She’s like “What did I do? Is this some kind of karmic punishment?” Not really, you just married the wrong person.

And what does Schwartz say? “Bubba, I have no recollection of this.” Contrary to what I tell myself when I’m hungover, even if you don’t remember something, that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. However, I may start using this anyway.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/vanderpump-rules-recap-i-have-no-recollection/