#idk what you hope to achieve bc i’m still going to continue writing

[obitohno]

someone really went to the effort of going through all of my masterlists—including my main one—just to report them. like, what did you really achieve from doing that?

[nonclassyparty]

if you wrote a novel i would seriously read it. your story telling/planning is novel quality i mean it.

for my thoughts on the last chapter 💐💐:

it may suck but i don’t feel too bad that her and mingi didn’t work out considering that he still obviously has some growing to do emotionally. hopefully he can achieve that and if they end up crossing paths in the future, great. if not also great, or at least she finds someone who’s right for her considering she expressed desire to be in a relationship, or even if she stays with herself bc i’m a firm believer that you can be happy without a romantic relationship.

i like the way you wrote her and yeosangs sort of reconciliation, it’s a bit more realistic bc i wouldn’t be so quick to forgive someone who’s treated me like that either, but i like how they can be around each other without feeling the need to be overly friendly and also without feeling like they’re just tolerating each other (i think the word is cordial, idk). there’s balance.

i’m not someone who expresses her emotions regularly but when her and seonghwa spoke for the first time in a while almost made me get out the tissues. this is the softest we’ve seen him act the whole story and i like how you wrote in his lego building hobby i thought it was very endearing.

as for sans ending, i don’t really feel a way about it other than it ended as perfectly as it could. when she first called him initially i was just like “girl i know we over him but why keep calling him” but i realize it was her final go at getting closure and i feel like their ending made sense. what more would they talk about in the future if they continue meeting even as friends? we saw how that turned out the first time. and at least she got something out of it (which was seonghwa)

i just love how you tied the story together at the end. if it’s ok to ask (i mean you already made it clear in the last chapter) how do you think they all end up in the further future. like who gets married, does she pursue bigger things with her art, etc.

i hope you’re proud of yourself for this story, bc it’s honestly one of the best series i’ve read here and i can’t wait for your next one bc i know it’s also gonna be great as well <3

omg woahhhhhh thank you very much!!

i genuinely have nothing to add to these little points u guys are making but i really enjoy reading them altho i will say that the seonghwa parts were hard to write. him and san being friends was something i planned from the start but i simply didn't know how to insert hwa into this chapter or if i did their meeting and reconciliation justice, it's hard to describe sibling relationships 😭

as for the question about where they'll end up in the future;

well, the one year forward where y/n has the apartment finally already means two things, first- wooyoung and yeosang live together now and second- it was the apartment she talked to mingi about in act 6 when he asked "how does ur life look like if everything goes to plan?" or something and which he asked about in the last chapter meaning that the story ended with her finally in a place where she's content with her life and it can only go up from there. she will later on start working as an illustrator for animated movies (a lot of inspiration for her art to me came from spirited away lol) and that will be her main occupation while she will do some art for herself occasionally. and she will meet someone, i imagine him being a fan of her works so he will be head over heels for her and she will finally get romanced the life out of her lol but i don't see any kids for her, i don't think she'd want to be a mother.

mingi well...he'll fall in love with someone else, get married, have kids, move out of the city and join a smaller firm somewhere bc it makes him more content and it's less pressure. hongjoong is similar to y/n in a way that the both of them are single and in a place where they want to have fun in life, they obviously keep in touch as she goes to visit him in tokyo and he sends her postcards, he's sort of a free spirit...

seonghwa will marry his current girlfriend, continue working at his father's firm but their relationship will never be good, hwa and y/n will be very close tho!

and san...well, i kinda want to say i'm keeping his ending a secret bc i'd like to write a spin-off for him some time later but if that never happens, then his life will be what he imagined it - he'll be very rich but very lonely.

wooyoung and yeosang will get married. when y/n left woo to go to the hotel, he literally called yeosang crying and said "you have to marry me bc there is no breaking up here after going through all this shit"😭

[clefairymuke]

Hiii! I just read your announcement i’m so happy you are my favourite fanfic writer EVER! I can’t wait to see whats to come! Anyway, I have a request for a fluffy aot oneshot :3 (set in season 3/2 ofc bc 4 is too angsty) I have this idea of an Armin x Reader or Levi x reader , where reader is rlly smart about titan stuff which helps them in a mission outside the walls and Armin/Levi notice this and kind of compliments them ?

(sorry for my english it isn’t my first language, and i’ll probably send a lot of requests i’m sorry I really love your writing you can ignore me if i’m annoying) C

you’re not annoying at all omg!! your english is great. thank you so much for sending a request! i'm gonna be honest, angst is literally my fucking life. idk if i’ll ever be able to write anything without including a little bit of angst lmao. i took a liiiiittle bit of freedom with the prompt because reading it put this idea in my head that i absolutely couldn’t get rid of. i hope you enjoy it!! <3

________________________________

Pieces | Levi x Reader

pairing: levi x reader

themes: fluff, angst, hurt/comfort

tw: mentions of death and violence

word count: 1147

Returning from a mission outside the walls was never easy. The cart that carried the bodies was always full of soldiers who paid the ultimate price in the name of humanity. It puzzled you at times; you wondered why those willing to give everything they had for freedom they may never get to taste were the ones that had to wind up dead; was it not cruel? Why were the best souls, the ones ready to achieve freedom for people they had never even met no matter the cost, always deprived of a full life?

The idea threatened tears to your eyes as you shut the door to Levi’s suite behind you. You ran your hand through your hair as you noticed his absence; you hoped he would return soon. As you practically fell onto the couch on the far side of the room, your tears fell too.

Of course, you were used to death -- even comfortable with it -- as was required of any soldier. Every so often, though, a mission would leave you in shambles. You would witness as a starry eyed cadet or a long-serving friend was torn to pieces in front of you, and it would be too much to handle. Every few missions, you would fall to pieces.

After your first few months with Levi, he started to notice this pattern. At first, he considered that you weren’t fit to be a soldier -- sitting next to someone sobbing after a successful mission would make anyone think that. Soon, however, he came to the conclusion that you didn’t show your compassion in the same way he did. He would pack the patches of fallen Scouts in his desk drawer while you came apart only yards away, and he would be there to pick up the pieces.

You tucked your knees into your chest and recounted the mission over again in your head, seeing the faces of all those who didn’t return. The hot tears did not cease running down your face. You turned your head toward the door as it clicked open, your eyes meeting one of Levi’s boots against the wood floor before they traveled upward to see his face, as emotionless as ever. It took one moment of looking at you for his eyes to soften.

He walked across the room, away from you, stopping silently at his desk. He pulled the patches -- at least ten of them -- from his jacket and laid them to rest among the others within the drawer, the smallest of frowns crossing his lips as he pushed it closed. He stood there for a second, eyes shut and his hand still grasping the handle of the drawer -- a moment of silence, you could call it. Your sniffles brought him back to reality.

He walked carefully over to where you sat, his grey eyes soft with understanding as he placed his hand on your cheek, wiping a tear away with his thumb. He sat next to you, his arm coming to rest around your shoulders. He pulled you tightly into his chest and allowed his other hand to cradle your cheek, silent permission to let it all go. And so you did. You felt your tears soak through his shirt almost immediately as your chest heaved with pain.

“I know,” he whispered into your hair, placing a kiss on the top of your head. “Listen to me.” He pulled you gently away from him, holding both sides of your face so that you would look him in the eyes. You nodded at him, your blurred vision still able to discern the concerned lift of his eyebrows and the worry in his pupils. “Do you know how many lives you saved today?” He still whispered, his own form of a comforting tone that you had come to find solace in. Still, you shook your head at him.

“You knew exactly how to distract that abnormal. Using the flares was genius, and you thought of it so quickly. So many more would have died if not for you,” he told you, drawing shapes on your cheeks with his thumbs.

“People still died, Levi. I didn’t do much of anything. You ended up killing it. You should be congratulating yourself,” you replied, voice groggy from tears and breaking every so often.

“I wouldn’t have had an opening to kill it if not for you. The only person I know that understands titans better than you is Hange. You don’t realize how valuable you are, love.” You could see in his eyes that he hoped this would be the end of it -- that you would accept that many more would’ve died had you not been there, and you would cheer up. He knew better than his hopes, however, and thought it would take more. He was okay with that.

He started again, voice unwavering, “Ever since you joined the Scouts, we’ve come so much further. You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met. Today aside, you’ve saved hundreds. I’m not sure what would’ve happened if you weren’t with us today.”

You nodded, the heaving of your chest coming slower and your tears becoming sparse. He wiped away what was starting to dry with the back of his hand, never letting his eyes leave yours. He kissed your forehead, letting his fingers trail through your hair, softly pulling out knots as your breathing slowed.

“That’s my favorite thing about you, you know,” he continued softly. “How smart you are. You know so much about them, and it makes you a better soldier. The more you know, the better you understand. That’s why it’s so easy for you to solve problems like that abnormal today. The way you think, it just -- it amazes me.”

You felt the beginnings of the smallest smile come to your lips, relishing in his praise. Levi wasn’t the most sentimental of people; compliments are few and far between in a typical day. You leaned your head into his neck, finally calming enough to enjoy the warmth radiating from his body. His hands were unexpectedly soft as they ran under your shirt to rub your back in the most comforting manner you’d ever come to know.

“I love you, you know,” he whispered, lips pressed against your temple. You let your arms loop around his waist and lifted your head to look up at him. 

“I love you,” you answered, knowing tears stained your red, puffy face. You knew he didn’t mind. His hand caressed your cheek with the most gentle of touches as he pulled you in for a kiss, first grazing your lips with his as if he was asking for permission before kissing you deeply and without restraint.

A few more months from now, you knew, you would be here again; but it didn’t seem to matter as long as he was there to pick up every piece.

[valleydean]

Home feels like his arms around you,

A fresh poultice on the dresser,

Perfect etchings on wood.

Home feels like the last hug your mother gave you,

The steel of a gun in your hand,

The way you can’t remember your father’s smile.

Home feels like a lost religion; it’s bishops and popes dead on marble as you watch the life bleed from your god through a thousand cuts,

The sun warm on your shoulders,

His eyes hot on your back.

Home feels like the absence of four walls and a roof,

The absence of a family,

Of a love you know you should have surrounding you.

Home feels like fire,

And screams,

And pain.

Home feels like past and present and a life you can only hope for,

A future you imagine in far off times when none of the horrors of your past can touch you,

A song played into a quiet room and the knowledge that it was made for you.

Home feels like anger and venom and lies,

The pain you see reflected back at you,

The hope that things will still be okay.

Home is an empty grave and a swinging body,

A century you did not live but still you spent waiting,

A see through person in the east wing and a kiss that makes them solid again.

Home feels like a haunting,

Like the grit of minerals against your palms,

Or the sting of a needle as it drives ink beneath your skin.

Home feels like his smile,

His voice and his laughter,

The way his hands hold you as you dance together.

Home feels like finding your way back to each other,

Like working through the sins you never sought absolution from,

Like apologizes and forgiveness and trying to, no, doing better.

Home feels like love,

Love feels like him,

He is your home.

- wayward (👼) ((trying a new signature bc someone said I should be ‘owning’ what I send you, idk if imma keep it))

I should have 1000% restructured this for flow and narrative continuity but I am in a lot of pain right now and I just wanted to send this to you // I might do one for Cas if I’m feeling better later but for now I hope you enjoyed // this is not my strongest work (also I am aware of how insane it is that I’m writing you poetry (ish) when I outright told you that poetry and me don’t mesh well back when I wrote you a half cocked Keats analysis but alas this is what your writing has done to me, so now I am making it your problem to deal with too) but I still wanted to send it in bc you seem to like when I kinda force you to read my shit // I’m gonna go continue to be emotionally destroyed by your fic, I am so unwell all the time god bless

I FUCKING LOVE WHEN YOU FORCE ME TO READ YOUR SHIT!! like i almost didn’t wanna answer this and just post it on its own and write my response in the tags because like.... oh my god, it’s so gorgeous. you’re actually amazing at poetry, idk what you’re talking about! i really love this omg. thank you so so much for sharing this with me! i second the notion of you absolutely OWNING your achievements because, deadass, reading your comments on ao3 and the stuff you leave in my askbox.... it’s made me very happy. like, very happy. i love you a little bit even though i don’t know you. thank you so much. i’m gonna read this 50 more times now.

[myriadimagines]

not gonna lie, i am currently writing this at work using the very weak hospital wifi (although i’m gonna queue this for later). like my 2019 post, i wasn’t planning on writing anything, but i’ve met so many amazing people here that have made 2020 more tolerable and i think they deserve a mention. i’m not even going to bother talking about 2020 because we all know what a disaster it’s been, but thank u to all the amazing people under the cut for existing and making things better akjshdjkahd

ace / @lotsoffandomimagines: ace, it is literally such an honor to still be mutuals with you through all these years that i’ve had this blog. i look up to you so much with your work ethic and dedication, and it’s been so awesome seeing how you blog is grown, and i’m so happy for you and how you’ve taken steps to do things more for yourself bc you an amazing person and only deserve happiness!!! you’re also hilarious and seeing you answering asks on my dash cracks me up. congrats again on the well deserved 15k, and i know your blog is only going to continue to grow in 2021 :’) 

lacey / @moonlit-imagines: lacey akjdshakjd i honestly dont even know when we became mutuals bc it feels like it’s been forever. you are literally so iconic from your personality to your writing, and i’m very very glad we’ve crossed paths and become friends (not to mention?????? birthday twins?????? it was meant to be). your messages always make me laugh and i’m glad i can rant to you about anything and you’ll just Get It. i hope 2021 treats you well and that you get a thousand more comics (and a backpack to fit them all)

enna / @johnnyshellby: enna, you absolute angel, you’re another person that i am incredibly honored to be mutuals with through these years. you are such a talented writer and your way with words constantly blows me away. i know 2020 has been hard, and i hope you take as much time as you need for yourself and know that it doesn’t matter how long of a break you need from writing/you blog, because we will always be there for you!! wishing you only good things for 2021, otherwise i will personally fight whatever entity controls our universe with my bare fists for you.

matt / @dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt: matt. you spectacular human being. i’m not lying when i say that every time i see you on my dash or in my notifications i get a serotonin boost. i’m sorry it feels like we haven’t interacted as much this year?? i don’t know, but just know that ily so much and i always hope that you’re having a spectacular day!! i hope you have a fantastic 2021 :’)

olive / @lxncelot: olive!! i think we just became mutuals this year??? but honestly we should’ve been mutuals for longer. you are an amazing writer, and all your pieces always always get me in my feels. i also reread your comments on my works on the daily because it literally gives me so much serotonin, and i appreciate you so much for that. congrats on 2.5k, and i hope your blog only continues to grow in 2021 because you deserve all the followers!!!

emcon / @emcon-imagines: emcon!!! your writing always blows me away because of how accurate and in character it is. like i could never. you’re also hilarious and i feel like every time i see you post a meme or a text post or answer a funny ask or whatever it always makes me laugh. you’ve achieved so much this year from graduation to finishing your thesis and publishing your own book, which is very iconic of you. also, whenever i listen to ribs i will think of you. askjdhaskjd i hope you have an amazing 2021!!!

réka / @supervalcsi: réka, i hope you know that the booker gifsets you made for me live in my mind rent free. it’s been so awesome being mutuals and also seeing your gif blog grow, because gifs literally look so hard to make and you just keep improving with every single set!! you are so creative and i adore everything you create, not to mention you are an absolute sweetheart. i hope you have a wonderful 2021!!

trish / @randomfandomimagine: trish!! i know this year has been rough for you and your blog, and i absolutely understand your struggles and feeling unmotivated because of tumblr. but i hope you know that whatever you decide to do, i fully support you and just hope you get the happiness you deserve!! you are such a sweet human being, and please take as long of a break as you need. sending you lots of love and here’s hoping you have an amazing 2021

lily / @diansaprince: lily!! you are such a lovely soul and i know we don’t interact much but it makes me smile so big see you in my notifications or whenever you comment on my work. it hurts my heart seeing you not get the recognition you deserve because you are such an amazing writer who puts so much work into their pieces. not to mention, a talented writer and artist?? seeing your work on instagram is a literally blessing because it’s all so beautiful. i hope you have a lovely 2021 :’)

amirah / @murswrites: amirah, you’re another person who i’ve only become mutuals with this year (i think?? idk i have no concept of time anymore), but i feel like it could’ve been for forever. you are such an amazing writer and even with your shorter pieces you always get me in my feels, especially the angsty ones. not to mention you’re just generally awesome because of your amazing personality. i hope you have an amazing 2021!!!

noah / @locke-writes: noah. i literally don’t deserve you and your support. i think i’ve already told you this but it literally boosts my serotonin seeing you in my notifications reblogging my work, and i read every single one of your comments. you’re the best, not to mention a spectacular writer!!! i just love your writing style and how perfectly you capture each character/show/movie you write for!! sending you lots of good vibes for 2021!!

jenni / @swanimagines: jenni!! i’m cracking up as i write this just thinking about you and newt and i’m sorry again for planting that seed akjsdhajksd but anyway!!! i hope you get nothing but good things in 2021. it makes my blood boil seeing the rude anons you get because you literally have done nothing wrong and are only kind to everyone around you. i’m wishing you all the best for 2021 and i’m sending you lots of love!!

mk / @imaginesbymk: mk, i hope you’re doing well because i know this year has been hectic for you with school and work and your blog, but that just shows what an amazing human being you are because you’ve been able to juggle it all!! i adore your writing and all the scenes you create within your pieces. wishing you all the best for 2021 :’)

stella / @storiesbystarlight: stella, you are such a sweetheart and you send me the loveliest messages that always brighten up my day. i’m so glad we’ve met/interacted this year and i’m very blessed to know someone as kind as you!! i hope 2021 only has good things in store for you, because you deserve all the happiness!!

tagging some more people below that are absolutely angelic beings, whether it be bc we’re also mutuals or i just see you a lot in my notifications and appreciate every time you reblog my work!! i’m definitely forgetting people, but just know i’m so grateful to everyone who follows me/supports my blog. happy new year everyone, i love you all and hope that 2021 is kind to you all :’)

@musicallisto / @fangirlsarah16 / @tiannawashere / @interwebseriesfan24 / @imaginesbyella / @cactiem / @oneofakindimagines / @writerdream22 / @depressedbimyself / @spxder-mxns / @wandas-sunshine / @fanficsfromtheupsidedown / @a-libra-writes / @karasong / @peakyswritings / @fangirlings-things

[majicmarker]

so i’ve had a lot on my mind lately — the good, the bad, the ugly, you know the drill. i’m used to the bad and the ugly, but i think (and ofc by my therapist’s rec) i need to give a little credit to the good, too. not to mention the good is largely comprised of people, and those people deserve a sports stadium wave, yk? idk shit abt sports, whatever, but i know what the wave is and it’s like the grandest gesture i can think of, SO

listen, y’all. to get real here, i hate fandom. my time spent therein has been hit-or-miss, but the misses got me hard and contributed to some major self-loathing, etc etc. we’re not gonna get into the specifics, i don’t owe that to anyone, but suffice it to say things got Rough.

but so much of it can be so, so good. and rn i want to keep on my rose-colored glasses, and the rosiest parts for me have always been @kitten1618x and @mygutsforgarters

(quite a few others, too, but i no longer have everyone’s info. and some ppl are newer friends, or relationships that have moved more slowly. i have mad love for u guys too, obvs, but ik melissa and gus irl so we know each other More and they’re who this post is rly about atm. pls know i don’t want to harsh on anyone’s feelings)

the tl;dr version of events is i met them both via fanfic. i happened upon theirs like “bitch!!!! **i** wanna do this, they’re bomb as hell” and then i made them be friends w me. they’ll tell you they wanted to be friends w me first, but that’s not important bc **i** am the one making this post, so they can both like,, suck it.

ANYWAY.

@ melissa : so bitch listen. here’s the thing abt melissa…… i found her while browsing jonsa fic back when i cared abt GOT, and she brought me back to what i loved so much abt romance when i first started, way back in junior high, what’s up. i bad a fascination w historial romantic epics for a loooooong time — those formative yrs, amirite ladies??? — but girl i could never write it so well as melissa. immediately she struck this balance between the drama you expect from historicals and the levity of a good romance, and i was just like, “hand to god this woman must be published already, surely???”

(she’s not, but that’s ridiculous so we’re gonna skip that)

(also she’s busy?? we’ve been friends for like six years and i will never know how many kids she actually has, but the point is she’s a goddamn superhero and i’m obsessed w her, MOVING ON)

i just Had to be her friend for two reasons: 1) she’s too talented, and b) i have said that abt 2 ppl my entire life and she was the first, so i was like, “AH YES MY HOLY GRAIL”

so ofc i slid into her DMs just as effectively as that one guy i had a crush on when i was sixteen and he’s still shooting me texts every valentine’s day bc of the societal pressures i guess (it is Far Less Effective these days, he’s my age and therefore too young for me, gross, but i digress), except me and melissa go way stronger.

she reminded me of why, half a lifetime ago, i started writing romance — bc it’s fun, bc i want to. bc i can do absolutely anything i want, bc who else is gonna read it but me and whoever i share it with? it was all up to me what i wanted to do with it, and i could do anything. nothing really mattered but what i wanted, and i hadn’t felt that way abt anything in such a long time — let alone abt something i used to love so much.

melissa’s writing is so beautiful, it’s everything i wanted to achieve when i was fifteen and never got around to perfecting. and i’m totally okay w that now, bc what do i need to do myself that she’s not already doing/wants to do in the future? when i found melissa’s writing i found a missing part of me — a part i’d maybe lost, maybe i gave it up, idk, but it was totally gone until i found her fics and they fucking clicked. i had to reach out bc there was a part of me that was a part of her, and she helped me find that again w/o even knowing it.

so i found melissa via GOT, and from the start she’d been trying to get me to write some bethyl. years and years, she dropped not-so-subtle hints — and by “hints,” i mean legit directives that i watch just enough TWD to write her some beth/daryl fic. real crafty, she is.

eventually the stars aligned: i was bored w the same dynamics i’d been writing for years, i wanted smthn new, i was restless, i was line editing a bethyl fic she’d written, and — again — this shit clicked. her fic made me want to explore this dynamic i’d never done before, so i watched the prerequisite episodes (no more than that tho, i super hate the show and i’m begging y’all to not @ me abt it anymore). i found smthn that i’d been missing, smthn that challenged and excited me and brought me back around to why i love romance and, more importantly, why i want to write it myself.

so as i was starting to write bethyl, i was poking around the ao3 tag to get a feel for what had been done, what hadn’t, anything i might be missing. and goddamn BAM —

@ gus : this is where u enter dramatically thru a red velvet curtain that i don’t wanna touch (Metaphorically bc you do romance better than me and i’m cool w that bc your talent simply Cannot be touched, and Literally bc i hate velvet) — i was like, “please for the love of god let her want to write contemporary romance, i need some good fckin food”

i happened upon “doo wah diddy diddy” first. ofc the summary hooked me, forget my usual hard no against pregnancy fics (i have issues w pregnancy and that’s all anybody Needs to know, back off), but This Bitch !!!!!!! has a way with words and i wanted to be friends w her straightaway. lmao too bad for her, now she’s stuck w me

gus’s fics gave me what i wanted without having to write it myself. her style is so distinctive, she hits the notes between porn and Actual Affection that is missing from uhhhh, every romance i’ve tried?? (why is everyone so intent on the sex part?? fckin chill. at best it’s unrelatable and at worst u sound like u’d rather wear someone than fuck them, check urself)

she writes w such care, she wants you to know what she’s doing here, and what she’s doing here is combining the physical and emotional needs of both characters w/o infringing on anyone’s comfortability. you root for these characters bc they simply want to be together, no strings (and if there are strings, damn, they talk abt it).

gus makes you believe in love in the modern age. like, not to sound like one of those ppl who post fckin “no one in this generation knows how to love!!!1!!11!!” memes on facebook, those are dumb, but gus’s writing made me think “yeah man, love ain’t dead, it’s just abt how we approach it.”

(if y’all haven’t guessed yet, i have some hang-ups abt relationships. i’ve goddamn earned those. but melissa and gus both brought me back to where i needed to be — in this place where, yeah, we’ve got some shit to deal with, but we all still deserve the things we want, and those things are achievable. i could not have gotten here without them, so jot that down.)

gus is Real, she’s funny, she’s unapologetic in the way she writes. ofc she has her personal hurdles, but who doesn’t?? and tbh nobody writes a sex scene like gus does. physical, realistic, but balanced w the emotional depth that makes you root for these characters bc you can Feel how much they want each other — not just sexually, but in the less-erotic aftermath of that passion. it continues to blow my mind, bc i’ve never seen anyone do what she does. i can’t even pinpoint the specifics, bc she just… Does It. and you’re reading it like “yeah bitch that’s it,” and That’s It.

it’s fckin wild.

these two — my best friends, the lights of my life, both of whom always make me crave chicken tenders at THE most inconvenient hours bc somehow we always talk abt chicken or ice cream or ultimately DQ, but they're both so hot idec — have something special.

i really, really want them both to know that: it’s not just in how they’ve treated me as a friend, but who they are as people, in their creative pursuits. i’ve never known support the way they’ve shown me; i’ve never known this much enthusiasm or investment or belief that i can do what i want with my talent. i want them to know that i feel the same way abt them and their works.

sometimes, when i look back at their writing that completely kicked my ass, i still can’t believe that they’ve become two of my best friends. it’s totally bonkers. they’re This Talented, and they wanna be friends w my spastic ass? GIRL. i’m out.

i’m not always the best at being present, at giving people what they need when they need it. but with everything that melissa and gus have given me in the past few years, i need them to know this — honey!!! i need all y’all to know this, bc i know fandom shit is hard, but you should know some of these friendships are so, so worth all that bullshit, so —

they have so much to give, so much to say, so much to offer. i could not have kept going without them. i couldn’t believe in myself without the faith they’ve given to me. i hope that i can always give that same faith right back.

and that, babes, is what real soulmates are all about.

[ahundredtimesover]

Okay, I'm doing this anon bc well, your new work cant be without you?

That really hit me deep, I cant even explain it in a way that can make you understand how much it helped me last night.

These past few months have been awful from me I lost 800 to scam, I fought with my father and he refuses to ever speak to me again and I list ny beat Friend bc she thought that space was what she needed but it wasn't space it was space from me. It sucked but if she was happy it was okay

For me it was like the world that I knew was mine was all snatched away and i dont know what to do with all it, i just found your work last night and a lit of the times I feel like, I could relate to what the reader AND jungkook were going through.

The painful process of picking yourself back together, never healed but still you have to keep on fighting.

The emotions and eveything, I want to talk about how beautiful the story itself was, the emotions the characters the feelings, the plot.

It wasnt rushed, it was slow, it was real and I think that's why it hurt but healed in such an amazing way.

My lord, you are such an amazing writer, I wish I could give you a hug make you feel how much warmth you gave me through your writing :(

It was like, just at the right time maybe, it was late, like 5am or something and I just had all these thoughts plaguing my mind and I just felt so crap. No matter what I did, I couldnt bring myself to help myself, but idk your ff is so amazing like, it's like

You can love and it's okay to love but you have to live for yourself aswell,

It's all about being a good person, taking a break when you need, allowing yourself the medium to create a happiness in like how even though they were both hurting in the inside they still had a pain that couldnt be healed but they were good people that made them gain love in return.

You can do so much for someone, you'll get it all back one day.

I know this probably isn't making any sense right now bc I'm still emotional your writing really hit me in the heart and made me realise that eveything can get better and it's hard work its tough and I'll cry on a lot days but it's going to be okay, bc hard work and effort pays off in one form or the other, being happy, like new friendships, rekindling old friendships, falling in love, anything.

Noone is unlovebale it just takes the right people to unlock the right love and it just

I'm so thankful that you wrote this, took the time and effort and posted it when you did aswell

I'm just so,,,

I feel so much better, I feel that I'm not alone, and their are struggles like mine which others go through not that I would like other to struggle but that I'm not alone and if others heal then so can I

It's like the world, is a place where you can go on many roads but the people who are meant to stay always will and I just think it's so special

I really can't thank you enough

I spoke and wrote so much,

I'm sorry but

I just had to let you know

I hope you're always cared for and loved in life and that you achieve a state of mind where your comfortable in who you are and are happy bc you deserve it so much

Big hugs 🥺🥰😭

- 💞

Dearest 💞 anon. First of all, I am sending you the biggest hug from here to wherever you are. Please know that I felt all the warmth from your message, and I can’t begin to express how much this means to me. Secondly, even if you’re on anon, I felt your vulnerability and that’s strength (and a good step forward) to be able to put into words what you’re feeling, even if those words aren’t enough.

I’m sorry for what you’re going through, and I wish for the warmest blankets & the softest hugs & sweetest smiles to come your way so you can feel a little better. I’m glad the story somehow did that for you. I’ve been so swamped with work but I just had to put the story out and maybe that’s why, so you could come across it and read it and feel that you aren’t alone.

I got off my anti-depressants last month after a year and writing the story was so important to me, like it’s still part of the healing process that continues. It gets better - there are still bad days, but there’s so much to learn. The strength is in the trying, the hoping, the believing. I think that’s what we need to keep striving for. Live and love, for others and especially for yourself.

Everything you got from the story was so, so beautiful. They were good people that made them gain love in return. No one is unlovable, it just takes the right people to unlock the right love. I won’t forget this and I won’t forget you.

Back yourself up always, and hang in there. There’s someone out here cheering for you. Thank you 💜

[rylie-studies]

ten questions! ✨

I was tagged by the amazing Yasemin (@study-van) who’s absolutely lovely and sweet; thank you for tagging me, loves! 🤍

Rules: Answer the questions, then tag ten people with ten other questions of your own. 

#1: What achievement are you most proud of?

Although I’m proud of many of my achievements as they have helped me to become the person I am at the moment, I’d say that graduating high school was one of my proudest achievements so far! It wasn’t that I thought I wasn’t gonna be able to graduate, but because I just think about how challenging those high school years were (especially junior & senior year) in terms of balancing everything, my mental health, taking care of myself, everything dealing with applying to college, etc and how I continuously felt so exhausted and wanted to give up so many times. However, I didn’t and I was just so extraordinarily happy once I got that diploma last month! Absolutely over the moon. 

#2: Would you go to space if given the chance?

Of course! Space has always been this concept that I always think about everyday (especially at night when I’m just relaxing in bed) and I would love to just observe everything, see all the beautiful stars, galaxies, and planets, and see what’s out there. My heart has been calling for space ever since I was born! 

#3: What’s the kindest thing someone’s done for you?

Whenever someone’s kind to me, I’m always so grateful for it and I don’t think I can choose the kindest one; however, one thing that I vividly remember is when my friend, a few years ago, made me a personalized painting of everything that I’m fascinated with and love such as tennis, reading, books, writing, and more!

#4: What experience changed who you are as a person?

Moving to the United States at a young age is definitely an experience that has changed me as a person; I feel like living here has really shaped my perspective and the person I’ve become. I often think about what my life would’ve been if my family had stayed in the Philippines and I just know that I’d be a completely different person now if that happened. 

#5: What show got cancelled/ended that you wished didn’t?

Game of Thrones, all the way! I feel like, due to the groundbreaking popularity of the show, the directors could’ve made a few more seasons to really invest their time on character development and allowing the storyline to end well. Although I watched the whole thing last summer (took me about four days), I’m still so frustrated by how they ended it and how the directors (or is it writers idk y’all) just wanted to throw away the whole franchise and move on to other shows bcs it was clearly rushed and incomplete and I just genuinely hate Season 8 so much. It’s to the point where I watch so many clips of the show and want to rewatch everything so bad, but I can’t even physically bring myself to do that because it just ends so....terribly. 

#6: Dusk or dawn?

Although I’m content with both, I’d have to choose dawn! I just love seeing the sunlight early in the morning (and watching the sunrise is a whole entire cosmic experience tbh) and it allows me to be thankful for getting another opportunity to live again! 

#7: If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?

There’s a lot of things that I would change about the world, but one of the biggest ones would be to change the way we see people and how we become attracted to them. I saw this post in the past where it said, “I wish we could see each other’s souls rather than our faces,” and I think about that thought every single day because I feel like, as a society, no matter how hard we try, we still use appearances as a major factor (especially when it comes to love) and I think it’d be really fascinating to see each other’s souls first and go on from there!

#8: What’s your favorite candy?

Okay tbh I’m not really a candy type of person?? Like I guess I prefer salty foods over sweet ones, but if I really had to pick one, I’d pick Twix, maybe? I used to eat it a lot before and, one time, for Christmas, my mom’s friend got my siblings and I each a really long Twix bar and, yeah, needless to say, we never finished it. 

#9: What is the last song you’ve listened to?

Comethru by Jeremy Zucker! I’ve always known about the chorus of the song, but I never actually listened to the full song then I heard the chorus again in a Tiktok yesterday and I finally decided to listen to the whole song and ended up listening to it for like four hours. It’s such a soft and beautiful song!! 

#10: Do you listen to ASMR? 

Not really, well I guess I’ve never really tried to listen to it before? I think it’s a relatively interesting concept though! 

Here are my questions!! 🤍

#1: What are you looking forward to the most in the upcoming school (both high school and university level) year?

#2: If you could choose to live in any country in the world, which one would it be and why?

#3: What’s a book that resonates with you the most and you’ll read it as many times as you possibly can?

#4: What do you usually do before you sleep at night?

#5: If you got the chance to converse with your ten year old self, what’s one thing that you would say to them?

#6: If there weren’t any expectations or pressures given to you, what would you want your life to look like in the future? What job will you have? Where will you live?

#7: What’s a song that seems timeless to you and it always feels like you’re listening to it for the first time everytime?

#8: What’s the first show that you can remember ever binge watching?

#9: Did you watch Disney Channel when you were young? If so, what was your favorite show and why? Or, if you didn’t watch Disney Channel, what was your favorite show as a kid?

#10: Choose a random line from your favorite song of all time/the song that you’re currently obsessed with if you can’t pick one. 

I’m gonna go ahead and tag these lovelies: @lunarduckstudies, @vazublr, @studyfajr, @redlitmusbluelitmus, @headgirlstudy, @seltzerstudies, @serendistudy, @procrastilate, @elleandhermione, and @fluencylevelfrench!! I hope you guys have fun with the questions if you choose to do it!! 🤍✨

[spirit-shroud]

i replayed kz again tonight and managed to beat it in 4 hrs instead of 11 !!! which is rly cool imo, i think i got a max of like 50 deaths or less for the full run ??? i was just playing regularly but usin the prism blade for the cool blood effects, not in speedrun mode for the counter, and i managed 2 drag my friend into hyperfixation hell with me :} but also i have some thoughts and opinions im not rly sure how to compile in a meaningful way, so here’s the like. pure brain-down-on-blog post version under the cut. if this gets auto-tagged into the real actual tag for this game im very sorry for my hubris im just. thinking emoji

so id like to start this with the final boss makes me SO sad :( like yeah she doesnt have much dialogue but idk she just makes me so sad. she’s so desperate and she Knows shes going to lose and im just like. no!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you’re so cool!!!!!!! Please Be My Friend We Can Work Together. I Know A Guy :c like usually final bosses are like weirdly emotional for me but she was just SO COOL and realizing like WAIT THIS BOSS OPERATES UNDER THE SAME RULES I DO was just like WOW even if as i kept dying (and i think i spent like... 3 hrs on the final boss alone lmao the first time, i killed her on my third attempt this run which was very cool of me) i finally realized that she IS pretty repetitive and got all her patterns n variables down super easy, but like, fighting another null who Should for all intents and purposes be just as absurd and powerful as i am, and eventually being able to down her effortlessly, and then the withdrawal affects of the chronos kicking in as well, and its just like. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

dont even get me STARTED on that ‘to be continued’ like yeah there’s a dlc comin but the game mentions repeatedly that its just the first act which has me like OKAY. SPECULATION TIME (what am i speculating on? literally no idea im not even rly at the speculation phase im still in the WOW COOL VIDEO GAME phase) 

and i rly like the dragon/fifteen but the first time i saw him i was just like. who’s this f*llmetal alchemist looking bitch ??? what’s he doin here?? go HOME and controlling him is AWFUL i hate the dragon tape so MUCH >:C but also he’s like. cool. i want to know more about him n his plot 2 take down Juncture n the government n whatever. 

but also i was listen 2 Full Confession bc it’s just. what the heart wants rn. i need to be sad and caffeinated in order to get into the Writing Zone rn and then i was THINKIN like my friend mentioned while we were playing the dragon tape that the song that plays is very similar to Full Confession (which i had sent him earlier while i was losing my mind over the final boss) and then i was like. Hm. these are very similar but have such wildly different moods -- Breath of the Serpent is much more like. ‘you’re going to be afraid of me’ while Full Confession is like ‘i’m afraid of you’ and i think that the different Vibes from these two soundtrack bits about important Null characters is just like. WOW and i wonder how a version of it that was purely Zero’s might be. would it be more triumphant? more flat? what desperation or emptiness is in there that could be drawn out by this melody??? i dont KNOW and i can’t write music unfortunately but im just like AAAAAAAAAA

i also rly wanna know what snow has going on ??? like. shes clearly important. she is a vital npc. but Why. she didnt even rly do anything except Show Up???

fuck V. all my homies hate V. the motorcycle fight was a lot of fun tho i rly liked that section even if my therapist was mad at me afterwards

also i think elizabeth/the little girl is rly cute and the fact zero was just like. ‘hm. well guess i have a daughter now’ so fast w/ her (at least, with the dialogue trees me n my pal kept going down) and im just. So Hoping we can rescue her in the dlc :( i miss her so much and im so like. worried abt that like pls give me back my daughter you dumbasses i cant even read ur dialogue without my brain being like ‘yeah these r just squiggly lines, boss. gl’ 

i also want to believe that the masked men arent real (bc idk, it’s just easier for me to process that they’re the result of chronos withdrawal) but the problem w/ that is like. they definitely kidnapped elizabeth, and i want so desperately to believe that elizabeth IS real n that zero genuinely wants to protect her (and by extension, the part of himself that is still human) 

ALSO THE PSYCHIATRIST i was just like. Okay. I Must Get A Good Grade In Therapy. n kept being nice n cooperative and helpful to this clown ass and then THAT ENDING ??? like i didnt even get the Bad Therapist Ending i was just like. fucka you! attacka you with a rock! (i do however want to try the therapist boss it sounds like a lot of fun) but i just. i hate him! he sucks! find a better therapist zero u rly need one im sorry for ur problems disorder :( like hes clearly a guy who just works for the government n wants 2 keep a leash on our man 

n the contradictions, hes like. yeah ur killing everyone related to chronos so it can no longer be produced ♥ but dw ur special we totally wont just withhold chronos from you as soon as u finish ur tasks dw about it ♥ and its like. Hm. I Dont Think Thats Right !!!! 

also i wanna learn more about what Juncture has going on??? what are they like. Doing besides poisoning water n making lighters ?????? it’s clearly a lot 

also the art for this game is just so GOOD,,, like. i didnt rly notice a lot of the backgrounds my first playthrough bc i was just losing my mind the whole time trying to solve each puzzle but the second playthrough im just like. AAAAA. and the soundtrack? effervescent. groundbreaking. perfect. So Good 

and the GAMEPLAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh my GOD i was SO vibing with it, the difficulty curve was kinda extreme imo but as soon as i started like. Getting It? and started looking at each room less like combat/fighting and more like a puzzle that needed to be solved it made it so much easier 2 get into the headphase of ‘okay how do i clear this’ and it was just like. YOOOOOOOO

and zero is just a lot of fun 2 play as. legitimately everything about him is just so ridiculous. his dialogue options? ridiculous. his design? absurd. the implications that hes like. 22 and just having the worst 10 days of his life? mood, buddy. this guy likes samurai movies and card games and mushroom pizza and has worn the same outfit every single day for who knows how long and hes also a war veteran, an emotionless serial killer and a drug addict. and hes 22 and 5′10. literally NOTHING about those traits make sense together but here he is, just Vibing. 

i love him so much. im going to make a self insert oc that’s just giving him a friend who knows how to cook n is just like ‘oh wow, that’s rough buddy’ when hes like ‘i only feel alive when i kill people’ and conveniently knows how 2 get bloodstains out of things bc i think he needs that kind of person in his life since his like. therapist is conspiring against him n he keeps having 2 kill his friends 

also, unfortunately, i want to get every achievement, which i feel like is going to become hld....2!! where i get all but 1 of them and am stuck at 96% for 2+ years >:T

[gffa]

spectral-musette replied to your post: Scattered Star Wars Thoughts: - One of the things...

     Hm, I did really enjoy Alliances, but at this point I feel like Treason might just be sticking with me more (I apparently really love Ar'alani???). I can definitely see your points about Alliances: my big complaint was that it didn’t have enough Anakin/Padme romance. I took it for Anakin being task-oriented, but now that you mention it, he probably SHOULD’ve been thinking about Obi-Wan more (I guess I was doing that enough for everyone?).       (continue re: Alliances) - But I didn’t take the Padme POV stuff about Duja to mean that she was particularly closer to her than any of the other handmaidens, just that their friendship was prominent in her mind due to the circumstances.

shadowsong26x  replied to your post: Scattered Star Wars Thoughts: - One of the things...

      i was talking about this a while back–i overall liked alliances, but it did kind of fall flat for me, too; in part for the characterization issues you mention (though i have more issues with vader than anakin/padme, but i can def. see where you’re coming from); but also bc someone pointed out to me that thrawn is kind of a sherlock holmes expy? and in alliances there’s no real watson analogue, so that dynamic is missing. and holmes sans watson can be insufferable. (cont)       whereas in treason, while it’s not quite the same as in other books, he has *way* more compatible people to bounce off of, so…idk, that’s part of it for me at least?

Oh, no, I apologize for this in advance.  XD  I just really have a lot of feelings about these books!  I loved that first Thrawn book so much, even knowing that Zahn had a tendency to write his OC as the most special ever, I was feeling pretty charitable towards the character because he was obviously going to lose on Rebels and I loved Eli in the book, and it was a nicely balanced book re: everything that frustrated me about Alliances. The thing that got me about Alliances is that I don’t think it achieved a very good balance about how to use characters like Anakin and Padme.  When Zahn writes more minor characters (like his OCs or like Arihnda Pryce) it works out because we’re not coming in with those characters having a huge established story already in place.  But Anakin and Padme have these connections that should have been coming up--this was set not that long before ROTS, right?  Why isn’t he thinking more about Ahsoka?  Why does he literally only even think about Obi-Wan like twice in the entire story?  I can buy that Padme’s thoughts were focused on Duja because she just died, but the way none of the other handmaidens ever seemed to be part of that tapestry just didn’t fit with how Padme handmaidens have always been a group.  Even Sabe’s relationship with Padme is littered with the other handmaidens being in and around them! And the final insult came when the book tried to kind of imply that it was Thrawn who got Padme to start thinking about how the Republic was maybe actually kind of terrible, which was mean to be a lead-up into her line in ROTS, “What if the democracy we thought we were serving no longer exists and the Republic has become the very evil we've been fighting to destroy?”  Thrawn’s supposed to be absolute shit at politics, that was well established in Thrawn (which takes place many years after this one!) but suddenly he’s canny enough during the Clone Wars to:  "Maybe what really troubled here was his suggestion that the Republic and Separatists all played by those same rules." In theory, it’s a neat connection to the events of the movie, something I wanted more of!  Connection to the rest of the established GFFA and the events in it!  But it gave me this really sour taste of how Padme’s story, her entire arc, as a politician who has an arc across the entirety of the TV show that’s at least somewhat hers, is actually inspired by Thrawn instead.  Thrawn, who’s supposed to be shit at politics. Add that together with how Zahn built up that Padme was a character who was about diplomacy, about talking to resolve issues, and in the end her big climactic scene was still shooting a droid with her blaster. Add all that together with how lackluster Anakin felt to me and I just was disappointed with Alliances.  I think @shadowsong26x really put it into clarity for me with those comments (THANK YOU FOR HITTING THAT NAIL ON THE HEAD), that Thrawn works for me when he’s the Sherlock in a Holmes & Watson dynamic, but then that follows that you just cannot put ANAKIN SKYWALKER into the Watson role because that downplays the competency of his character. Like, yes, look, I make fun of Anakin and point out all the ways in which he is a dumbass (largely because this helps me forgive him for all the monstrous shit he’s done, but also because it endears him to me and makes him so relatable to me) but when you write a serious novel and have Thrawn explaining electronic stuff to Anakin Skywalker?  No, get out of here with that.  Not unless Anakin is either geeking out on exactly the same level (NO, MAKE HIM GEEKIER��BECAUSE HE IS!!!) or is like, “Yes, we all spent a semester in comm tech class, I get how it works just from looking at it.” or Zahn went even harder on the authority kink.  Because I do not believe, for one single second, that Thrawn knows more about machines than ANAKIN SKYWALKER. Thrawn works for me with Eli, because there’s a genuine sense of exasperation there, a genuine and justified sense of “what did you just fucking do?” when Thrawn gets him assigned to the Blood Crow, there’s an organic sense of growing affection between them, and Eli works as someone who is good with his own thing, but isn’t THE CENTRAL FIGURE OF THE SKYWALKER SAGA AND ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL JEDI EVER.  I can see Eli being the Watson in that dynamic! I liked the hints of something really delightful going on there--that Anakin and Thrawn clashed with each other, that Anakin’s flying by the seat of his pants kind of style clashes with Thrawn’s need to control an entire situation to get the outcome he desires, that there were moments of hilarity when they snarked at each other (”Do you make a habit of getting captured?”  “NO!!!” was hilarious) or when Anakin’s authority kink was on display, but there wasn’t enough of that to balance out the other problems I had with the novel. (As a side note this is why I’m hoping that Zahn isn’t the one to write “what happened after Rebels with Ezra and Thrawn?” story, because I’m not sure I trust him to not try to put Ezra in the Watson role, when I don’t think that would suit his character.) Whereas, in Treason, Thrawn is being put in situations where the people he’s pinging off him can take more of a second fiddle role, where I can take enjoyment out of Thrawn outplaying them (which, yes, Anakin is not a great political player, but he has enough sheer raw power and enough tactical brilliance and mechanical brilliance that I need that to be respected).  That’s where Zahn’s Thrawn works best for me and why, when I went back to reread the first book, it still really worked for me even after I was crabby about Alliances.

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

answers (16)

Anonymous said: A lot of these secrets are really serious and sad so heres a lighter one: me and my sister are knitting christmas socks for the whole family as a surprise. Ive never knit a pattern before but im really good!!

Amazing!! 

Anonymous said: idk if your still doing this but my secret is I fear im a terrible person who only acts nice to rick people into liking her and ik that actually does make me an okay but i still feel im doing it for the wrong reasons and someones going to get too close and find out the truth and hate me

That’s very self aware of you, I think-- probably too self aware. You’re absolutely right to say it’s the trying that matters, but I’m not gonna blame you for worrying about it. I have similar concerns about myself sometimes. I’m aware that for me personally they’re partially justified. Some of my kindness is self motivated. 

I think though (and it seems like you already know this) it’s the effect of the kindness that matters. Maybe it’s better for me if I have “pure” intentions, but if I don’t, I should still do the kind things anyway, right? Because at the end there’s still going to be good. And there’s nothing bad about actively trying to be good, which is all we’re doing. 

Anonymous said: my secret is that ive been chasing after a dream my whole life but im not sure ill ever achieve it. times running out and i dont know what to do if i cant. i feel like my whole life has been put on standby and i dont know the way out. i know ill be okay in the end but i dont know what the end will be and that scares me.

Shit that’s relatable. You really will be okay, but it’s terrifying in the meantime, isn’t it? To have those turning points bearing down on you?

Things will happen. You can’t stop that. Time is gonna continue, but you’ll still be there at the end. Your head’s already in the right place. 

Anonymous said: My secret is that I really, really like one of my friends, but he has a girlfriend and slept with one of my best friends when they were both super drunk. I want the feelings to stop and go back to being just friends, because I honestly think I don't have a chance, but there is a small part of me that doesn't want to let go. I don't know what to do.

Well that’s a bitch of a situation, isn’t it? Romantic feelings aren’t really my area, but I understand holding on to things you consciously want to let go. Emotions always feel like part of me, you know? I don’t want to tear them away. Sometimes it’s better to do it, though. I don’t know from a few sentences if that’s the case here, but I hope you find the way that’s the best for you 

Anonymous said: My secret is I used to be suicidal, in my pre/early teens. I had realised I was lesbian in a small, largely Catholic town and hated myself for it. I was awful at social situations and couldn’t make friends. I hated myself for having baby fat because I danced part time. Then as I got older I slowly got more confident until one day a friend died I realised that holy shit I used to be suicidal and I could have killed myself. I’m terrified that I might get like that again and actually do it

Honestly, and I know this is gonna sound cliche, but I’m always in awe of folks like you. I don’t handle my own mental health issues super well most of the time, and to hear about someone growing? Changing? Getting better? Amazing

Anonymous said: If you're still taking these... my secret is that I don't want to give birth to children ever, and would consider adopting instead (when I'm older), but if I were to voice that to any family member or even an acquitance, they would shun me for it and make sure they try to talk me out of it. I really hate how conservative people put so many expectations on my shoulders

Heyyyyyy same. I’m not planning on birthing any kids, but my parents have come down pretty heavily on the single-women-should-not-adopt-children thing, which is.... bullshit. I’m gonna adopt some kids one day, whether they like it or not. 

You know your own mind and your own plans. Other people don’t have to be happy about them, even (maybe especially) family members. 

Anonymous said: My secret is that I’m a bad friend. I don’t make time for the few friends I have and spend most my time working or being in my room. They deserve better than me.

I don’t think you’re a bad friend. Not being around isn’t bad-friend behavior. You’re not hurting anyone. You’re not doing anything wrong. And I certainly don’t think that it justifies the idea that they should leave you. Relationships are always kinda a difficult balancing act, but you don’t have to be perfect at balancing it, you know?

Anonymous said: My secret is that I'm extremely self-sufficient, I've always had to be. But because there's no one else taking care of me it's so hard to invest my time in others because I'll neglect my own mental state. It make sit hard to develop stable relationships. Every once in a while I re-realize that I'm no one's priority so I have to be my own. And it just sucks.

Shit anon that’s really really rough. It makes me sad with you. I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong, because I don’t know, do I? But I hope you are. 

Anonymous said: My secret is I imagine myself as OCs I create for certain fandoms like Young Justice or Castlevania, and I spend all my time daydreaming of how I would act in episodes and how I would interact with the characters. I think it’s because I’m not satisfied with my life, and I’m also afraid that this makes me either weird or crazy.

Oh biggest mood

I do that too. I’m not in a position to say whether that’s a good or bad thing, but I like to think it just makes us creative. For me, it eventually found an outlet in writing, and that’s been a big source of joy in my life. I had some unpleasant experiences sharing that stuff with people in the past, but for me? I don’t worry about it anymore. I know a lot of people that do similar stuff.

Write some fanfiction, maybe :) You might be real good at it

Anonymous said: My secret is I’m secretly attracted to people who are better than me at stuff

That’s not really my area, but seems to me that’s a pretty good thing to be attracted to. One of the sweetest things I hear around school is people talking about how their partners are going to be such good lawyers. It’s cute. 

Anonymous said: My secret is that my anxiety is crushing me. I don't want to feel this way anymore.

Oh, anon. I just.... feel you. I’ve been really struggling lately with the idea that other people move through life without that handicap, and it amazes and angers me. Why don’t I get that? Why am I like this? It isn’t fair. 

And it isn’t. It just isn’t. You didn’t ask to death match your brain every second of the day. You’re not any worse than everyone else, so why do you have to suffer? I don’t know. I really don’t.

The only happy thing I can say to you is people do heal. It’s bullshit that it takes so much time and effort, but it is possible. I’m better off now than I was five years ago, even if it did take five years and a whole lot of therapy, medication, and energy. You shouldn’t have to fight like this, but you can, and you can win. 

Anonymous said: My secret is Im so bitter most of the time that I cant be happy for others. Me and my best friend are both singers but I can never be happy for her when she gets compliments or any success bc im jealous and im scared I'll never learn to be selfless and happy for other people

You’re only human. You have human emotions. You have every right to feel them. The only thing that matters is your choices, because that’s the only thing you can control. 

I’m so sorry you’re scared. That’s another emotion you have every right to feel 

Anonymous said: My secret is that sometimes I hated myself for not express what I felt because I thought they'll hate me or make distance of me but I'm learning to express my feelings to others and try to be more confidence :) I hope you'll be brave too and do whatever you want to do 💜

I wanna be anon when I grow up 

Anonymous said: My secret is that my hands hurt all the time but in different ways, and I’m scared to get help because I’m scared they’ll tell me I’m making it up or being dramatic.

Man do I hate the shit people put you through to get medical help. Everybody’s entitled to ask, aren’t they? So why are we all making that difficult? Why are we making people feel bad about their own pain?

I understand your fear, but I hope you start asking questions anyway. Other people’s opinions about it aren’t your fault

Anonymous said: My secret is that my dermatillomania has gotten way worse since I got to college, so I’m having to wear headscarves again to keep myself from picking my scalp. I smuggled my scarf collection out of my room without telling my parents.

I’m sorry, anon. That’s difficult. That sucks. That’s bullshit. 

Anonymous said: my secret is that when one of my family members says something homophobic I'll laugh and agree because I'm afraid that they'll disown me if there's any shred of proof that I'm LGBT and it makes me feel like such filth

That’s not your fault. It’s theirs for making you feel unsafe, because your safety really should be your first priority! That’s okay! You’re not being a bad person by doing it. You’re just protecting someone. You’re allowed to make that someone you

[dandelionpath]

I’m not sure what to classify this as but like the closest I got to the astral travel I want to achieve was like 👌 (if you can’t see emojis it’s the pinch emoji) like I was meditating and I move starting with the tips of my fingers n toes while physically meditating, I Like was able to change my position astrally more drastically than usual and the voice in my head altered somewhat (like I mean one’s thinking voice lmao) to be more like what I presume the voice of my astral form would be? (1/?)

(2/?) it was pretty cool but like before I could do much else all my muscles like seized up or moved at the same time again and it like brought me back to step 0 >~(3/?) closer and closer and eventually be able to on my own that’d be pretty cool lmao. I’ve technically been able to astral travel before but not in the way I want to specifically, like I have a pocket universe thing where I keep my astral space and thoughtforms (I have one son thoughtform that I joke is basically Jesus cuz he’s like my manager for it and he’s great at his job lmao) and I go there to a beach near my original astral space sometimes to feel the sand and surroundings but it’s (4/?) kinda like I’m there but only remotely? Like it’s like a phantom presence of sorts I guess. I can only get little glimpses of surroundings when I do that rip :( sometimes I can sense and even visualize stuff better though and those times are great lmao but I haven’t yet been able to find what might determine any differences, it seems mostly random >~(5/5) if that would be okay. Thank you again for your help and stuff, and I like reading about your experiences in your posts! Thank you again for your help :D 

FIRST OF ALL, I'M SO SORRY FOR TAKING SUCH A RIDICULOUSLY LONG TIME TO ANSWER YOU OML?????? I had a whole humongous answer written up and then my computer just chucked it out the window so I procrastinated a lot in writing it all up again aaagh I'm so sorry, that was the worst of me to do to you! Also had mental health stuff going on, but I definitely could have and should have answered you earlier, I am so so so sorry!!!So!! Here I am and let me try to help you as much as I can without writing an entire novel of an answer for you to read OOPs LOLlemme get all the jokes and oohs and aahs out of the way first dsdgsdfjkl: that sounds so cool and exciting omg!! that's such an interesting experience!! i'm glad u had that!! the astral voice is so wildly cool omg??? that's such an incredible experience!!!! god that's the worst feeling where you're finally getting somewhere and then your body just NOPES right out of it aaagh! YOUR JESUS THOUGHTFORM SON SDGDSFJKL I LOVE THAT

okay so first off (UPG and SPG): the pocket dimension ur describing sounds like a realm that's in between ur imagination and the astral. it's a bit of both. it's probably a realm that you created that's part of the astral that you've created. the astral is endless, and you can create new parts of it that aren't attached to anything else. so you've most likely created a little realm of your own that you can change around as you please (most likely using a bit of energy, otherwise that'd be just your imagination if you could move and make things instantly and without expending any energy). in these realms you can invite any spirits you want, and can have thoughtforms and everything there! sometimes realms like yours will eventually grow on their own and attach themselves to other realms, and that's why you still want to ward your space because spirits would be able to get in fairly easily if the realm attaches itself to another realm.in this pocket realm, you can control stuff (and controlling things uses energy) and it follows mostly your own rules i would assume. you can also create things (i always imagine it like minecraft when i'm working on pocket realms lol) but this uses energy as well. does that sound right?so, assuming that's what this is, I think the reason why you're only catching things in glimpses is just because either a) you need more practice, or b) that's just how you experience the astral. it could also be a bit of both of those reasons! personally, when I'm astral traveling, I don't often get full clear HD continuous vision. when i do get that, it's a huge energy drain and it also requires me to be super relaxed and of the right vibration at that time. aka it rarely happens and i actually don't prefer it because it takes way too much energy. it's not worth the energy drain for me! OKAY ANYWAYS LMAO: when i astral travel, i see it in only quick glimpses every few seconds. most of it is actually just me sensing what's going on. it's difficult to explain, but let me attempt to dgsfjkl: imagine that you're in your room and it's pitch black. you have a pretty good idea of where the furniture is, and so you can make your way around without bumping into too much. you know what's around you even though you can't see it. it's kind of like that, except things are moving and speaking and i've often never been there before. i hope that makes sense lmao ^^; (i'm actually considering making an animatic of what my astral travels look like, bc it's difficult to explain,,,, but that's a ton of work lmao) i actually feel a little bit like i'm there remotely, but also not?? i'm often still very much aware of my physical body, but the longer and more focused i am on the astral, then the less aware i become and my physical body kind of fades into the background. 

one tip i have that's helped me is to feel your consciousness in your physical body, and then kind of shift that consciousness to your astral body. sometimes i just like... fling my consciousness/awareness over into the other body, and that works? idk, try it out!

so! for advice, i'd say: 1) keep practicing!   2) lower your expectations for yourself, you're not going to be able to see HD vision in the astral, that's just setting yourself up for failure and frustration!   3) work on talking to spirits some more in this plane! this will help with astral traveling because then you'll kind of know how your metaphysical senses feel when you're doing them right! you'll have a bit of a better idea of how it feels when what you're experiencing is "real" and therefore how it feels when it's fake/you're making stuff up.   4) if you want to, see if you can ask someone (spirit or human) to pull you into the astral! I've done this for a friend of mine, and it did help a bit!   5) and finally, and i think most importantly, remember that this takes practice and work and there won't usually be any immediate gratification. some people take weeks to learn to astral travel, others take months, and some can take years,,, if you practice and work at it regularly, though, i'm sure you'll get there! 

i hope this doesn't get to you after you've got this all figured out (or maybe hopefully it does bc then you'll have progressed a bunch and that's awesome!)! i just hope this helps you in some way, at least even a tiny bit!! let me know!! i'll answer ur q waaaay faster if u send any other ones in, i promise lmao!!!

[loljulie]

flicker; {006} the tide

(okay so this is part may feel a bit slow? idk maybe it’s just me bc im overly critical of my work lol. i was going to write another scene into it but i was already hitting a large word count so count on the next part being more crazy. i went to see niall horan last niGHT and i’m still recovering tbh. i’m so happy to see more and more people become interested in this fanfic and just in general want to be apart of it more! thank you so much for all that <3)

genre: detroit: become human

deviant!connor x reader

word count: 2850

▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓　 d̯̱̝̠̘̙͙e̼̯̣̗͈͇̳v̥̗̭̹̫ia̘̝͔͙͙̜ͅn͈t͇͓̦̻s̙̗͉̜͕  　▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓

@dragonempress123​

@itstrashleydude​

@chisooyaaa​

@help-i-need-a-social-life​

@shadows-echoes​

@sygin​

@mavvsmm​

Whiteness surrounded you on all sides as you rested against Hank’s car. Your first order of business that day was to visit Elijah Kamski, who lived in almost the middle of nowhere. The bleak, winter forest around you was undeniably breathtaking and serene, but your eyes were trained on a snow-covered hill as your mind wandered. A few feet from you, Hank was pacing back and forth.

It had been a day since Stratford Tower, and there was no shortage of public opinion and outcry. Though it was unspoken, you had the feeling that Hank realized there was no stopping the deviants. Yet, the three of you continued on with the investigation, all unsure of what to even do next.

The car door creaked next to you, pulling you from your thoughts. Connor stood by you, and offered a small smile. He had been at the foremost of your mind recently, as you constantly worried about his deviancy becoming known and the future of deviants.

The two of you approached Hank and began walking to the front door of the sleek, modern residence. Hank and Connor spoke to each other, though the nature of their conversation was lost on you as you instead peered out at the snowy dock and frozen water.

Hank rang the doorbell. A playful, 3-toned tune could be heard from inside. The three of you waited for a few seconds before Hank grew impatient and reached for the doorbell again. As he was about to press the button, the door suddenly opened, revealing a beautiful female android. She was silent as she waited for somebody to speak.

“Hi, uh,” Hank started, breaking the silence. “I’m, er, Lieutenant Hank Anderson. This is Lieutenant (Y/N) (Y/L/N). We’re from the Detroit Police Department, here to see Mr. Elijah Kamski.”

“Please, come in,” the female android smiled and moved out of the doorway to let you all in. She closed the door behind you and notified you that she would let Mr. Kamski know you were there.

You followed Hank and sat down in one of the waiting chairs to the left of the room. Connor walked around, seeming to take interest in a photo on the far side of the wall.

“Nice girl, nice place,” Hank stated, as he looked around the room. “Guess androids haven’t been a bad thing for everybody…”

A few minutes passed by before the door the female android disappeared into re-opened. She stood off to the side and smiled at the three of you.

“Elijah will see you now.”

You got up from your chair and walked into the next room. You were slightly shocked to see a bright red pool take up the center of the room, with Kamski still in it. Two more female androids, looking identical to the one who let you in, were by the side of the pool.

Once Kamski was out of the pool, Hank did the honors of introducing you three.

“I’m Lieutenant Anderson, this is Lieutenant (Y/L/N),” he gestured between the two of you, then to Connor. “And this is Connor.”

“What can I do for you, Lieutenants?” Kamski asked, glancing between you and Hank.

“Sir, we’re investigating deviants,” You answered, causing him to focus on you. “We know you left CyberLife years ago, but we were hoping you could tell us something we don’t know.”

You wondered what it was you were hoping to get from Kamski exactly. A better understanding of deviancy? What rA9 was? Part of you pessimistically thought it wouldn’t even matter what you found out; that there was nothing else you could do for the investigation.

“Deviants…” Kamski started. “Fascinating, aren’t they? Perfect beings, with infinite intelligence, and now they have free will...”

You had to stop yourself from glancing at Connor. You briefly wondered what it was like for him to hear all of this from the man that created him.

“Machines are so superior to us, confrontation was inevitable. Humanity’s greatest achievement threatens to be its downfall,” Kamski continued. You exchanged a look with Hank. Kamski scoffed lightly. “Isn’t it ironic?”

Suddenly, Connor spoke. “We need to understand how androids become deviants. Do you know anything that could help us?”

You allowed yourself to look at him, relieved to see him wearing the mask of a machine so well.

“All ideas are viruses that spread like epidemics...” Kamski said. You wanted to roll your eyes. “Is the desire to be free a contagious disease?”

“Listen I didn’t come here to talk philosophy,” Hank interrupted, much to your satisfaction. “The machines you created may be planning a revolution. Either you can tell us something that will be helpful, or we will be on our way.”

Kamski didn’t look at Hank, instead choosing to focus on Connor. The way he watched him, as if scrutinizing every inch of his face to look for any deviation, made you nervous.

“What about you, Connor?” He asked, stepping closer to him. Your heartbeat picked up. “Whose side are you on?”

“I have no side,” Connor answered, his voice level and calm. “I was designed to stop deviants and that is what I intend to do.”

You watched as Kamski chuckled softly. “Well, that’s what you’re programmed to say… but you...”

Kamski took a step closer to Connor, stopping about a foot away from him. His voice was low as he continued. “What do you really want?”

You froze, heart racing as Connor thought of an answer. Kamski and Connor’s eyes were locked in a stare, as is analyzing the other.

“I don’t want anything. I am a machine,” Connor responded. If you didn’t know any better, the neutral, emotionless way he responded would’ve fooled you. Kamski kept his eyes on Connor’s for a moment, before calling his android over.

“I’m sure you’re familiar with the Turing test,” he walked over to the blonde android, and placed his hands on her shoulders. “Mere formality, simple question of algorithms and computing capacity.”

“What interests me is whether machines are capable of empathy.” He was speaking to you and Hank now. You didn’t like where this was headed. “I call it the ‘Kamski test’, it’s very simple, you’ll see.”  

“Magnificent, isn’t it?” He rhetorically asked, gesturing toward his android. “One of the first intelligent models developed by CyberLife. Young… and beautiful forever. A flower that will never wither.”

You looked at Hank, who gave you a confused stare. He shrugged his shoulders as Kamski went on.

“But what is it, really? A piece of plastic imitating a human?” He turned around to the desk behind him and opened a drawer. “Or… a living being with a soul?”

He held his hands up as he revealed a gun in his right hand. Then, he placed a hand on the android’s shoulder, and she kneeled down. He approached Connor, offering him the gun.

“It’s up to you to answer that fascinating question, Connor.” The gun was placed in his hand, filling you with a sense of dread. You had a feeling you knew how Connor would respond, and you were nervous at what it would cause.

“Destroy this machine, and I’ll tell you all I know. Or spare it, if you feel it’s alive, but you’ll leave here without having learnt anything from me.”

You didn’t dare to speak, afraid that your voice would waver if you did so. Something had to be said to stop this ridiculous experiment.

“Okay, I think we’re done here,” Hank declared, and you felt a wave of relief hit you. “Come on, Connor. Let’s go. Sorry to get you outta your pool.”

“What’s more important to you, Connor?” Kamski’s question interrupted Hank, keeping you rooted to your spot. You noticed Connor’s LED turn yellow and flash. “Your investigation or the life of this android?”

“Decide who you are. An obedient machine… or a living being, endowed with free will.”

“That’s enough! Connor, we’re leaving,” Hank commanded. You began to think that Hank might be worried, too, of what Connor would do. Maybe he was hoping Connor wouldn’t pull the trigger; maybe he was hoping to see something human in him.

“Pull the trigger.” Kamski urged. You looked at the blonde android, who was watching the fate of her life be decided before her eyes. Something stirred inside of you.

“Connor,” you interjected quietly. Out of the corner of his eye, he looked at you. You shook your head slightly. “Don’t.”

You knew Connor wouldn’t pull the trigger in any normal situation, but the need to hide his deviancy might have been making him uncertain of how to respond. With your reassurance, he pulled the gun away from the android’s face and handed it to Kamski.

“Fascinating,” Kamski breathed out as he grabbed the gun from Connor. “CyberLife’s last chance to save humanity… is itself a deviant.”

Connor couldn’t meet Kamski’s stare for a few moments. You were proud of his decision, but knew that it had just cause a crack in his disguise.

“I’m… I’m not a deviant,” Connor tried to articulate, but you knew that Kamski wouldn’t accept it.

“You preferred to spare a machine rather than accomplish your mission,” Kamski let the android stand back up, him hovering over her. “You saw a living being in this android. You showed empathy.”

Kamski glanced at you, and for a moment you thought you saw a knowing look in his eyes. You did your best to maintain a steady composure, but the smirk he put on made it difficult to do so.

“A war is coming. You’ll have to choose your side. Will you betray your own people or stand up against your creators?”

“What could be worse than having to choose between two evils?”  

-

“Why didn’t you shoot?” Hank’s question broke the silence that had fallen between the three of you as you walked back toward his car. Connor turned around, and you watched as he desperately tried to save the facade of a machine.

“I just saw that girl’s eyes, and I couldn’t, that’s all...”

“You’re always saying you’d do anything to accomplish your mission. That was our chance to learn something and you let it go,” Hank’s voice wasn’t angry or disappointed. You knew all too well the different inflections in his tones and what they meant. You could tell his statements were searching for something from Connor, something you knew he already possessed.

“Yeah, I know what I should’ve done. I told you I couldn’t,” Connor was struggling to hide his true self. “I’m sorry, okay?”

Hank looked at you, and you did your best to look as surprised at Connor’s reaction as you could. It wasn’t easy, especially because you really wished you could hug Connor and tell him he made the right choice.

“Maybe he did the right thing,” you offered to Hank, hoping he would accept it and move on. His stare became more thoughtful, and he shrugged.

“Maybe he did.”

The three of you got back into the car, wordlessly listening to Hank’s heavy metal music the entire drive back to the police station.

-

You leaned against Hank’s desk, fuming at the news Captain Fowler had just delivered to you. The FBI would be taking over the case, meaning Hank would return to homicide and you’d be back on menial cases. Worst of all, Connor would be sent back to CyberLife. Hank, who was sitting in his chair, wasn’t taking the news any better.

“We could’ve solved this case,” Connor expressed from beside you, the frustration obvious in his voice. “We just needed more time.”

Hank didn’t comment. Instead, he turned his chair around to face you and Connor, and brought up another area of concern for you. “So you’re going back to CyberLife?”

You were silent, yourself curious to know what would happen to Connor if things didn’t work out. “I have no choice... I’ll be deactivated and analyzed to find out why I failed.”

Your heart plummeted in your chest. Though you knew you would fight as hard as you could to avoid that fate for Connor, you knew that it was a possibility.

“What if we’re on the wrong side here?” Hank asked aloud. He nodded toward you. “Maybe (Y/N) was right. What if we’re just fighting against people who want to be free?”

Connor looked down at his hands. You breathed deeply, your mind working to figure out what your next move should be.

“Earlier at Kamski’s place… you put yourself in that android’s shoes. You showed empathy, Connor,” Hank alleged. You thought you saw Connor tense up. “Empathy is a human emotion.”

Before Connor could respond, you notice someone walk through the police station lobby. You rolled your eyes as you identified who it was.

“Here comes Perkins,” you declared with a sigh. Hank saw him and scoffed, his eyes filled with disdain. You scoffed. “They don’t waste any time at the FBI.”

“We can’t give up,” Connor’s voice was filled with urgency. You looked back at him. “I know the answer is in the evidence we collected. If Perkins takes it, it’s all over.”

“There’s no choice. You heard Captain Fowler, we’re off the case.” Hank countered. Connor suddenly pushed himself off of Hank’s desk, his voice sounding desperate.

“You’ve got to help me, Hank,” Connor pleaded, “I need more time so I can find a lead in the evidence we collected. I know the solution is there.”

“Listen, Connor…” Hank raised his hand to stop Connor from his plea.

“If I don’t solve this case, CyberLife will destroy me. 5 minutes, please.”

The weight of Connor’s words seemed to hit Hank in that moment. He shared a glance with you, and you nodded your approval. He stood up from his chair, and leaned close to Connor.

“The key to my basement is on my desk. Get a move on, I can’t distract him forever.”

You watched as Hank went over to Perkins, inciting a scene with him using some very choice words. Your eyes met Connor’s, noticing how anxious he looked. You both knew that his fate depended on him finding answers down in the evidence room. You followed him to the double doors that led into the evidence storage.

“I’ll keep a lookout out here,” you whispered. Connor nodded. He gave you one last look, as if afraid it might be the last time he saw your face. As he walked into the evidence room, you suddenly wished you had said more to him.

“Hello, (Y/N),” A voice called out to you, causing you to freeze. You watched as Gavin walked up to you, his eyes wandering to the doors behind you. “What’s the android doing in there?”

You felt your heart thump in your chest as you came up with an answer. “He’s just… logging in some of the evidence we still have left over. That’s all.”

Gavin nodded thoughtfully, before he made an attempt to open the door himself. Without thinking, you reached your hand and placed it on his to stop him. He raised an eyebrow at your gesture.

“Gavin, I-” you struggled to find some sort of explanation to your action. “Before you go in, I just wanted to ask you something.”

He dropped his hand from the door handle and nodded. “Anything for you.”

Your mind raced through dozens of options to take him away from the door. Finally, you settled on one you thought was reasonable. “Would you mind helping me pick a new window for my apartment? I have some images on my computer to choose from, and your opinion could help.”

Gavin smirked. “I’d probably have to see your apartment myself to know which would be a good fit.”

You suppressed a groan. Your attempt to pull him away from the door failed, but at least you were still keeping him out here for the time being.

“Lieutenant (Y/L/N)!”, a loud voice commanded. You turned your head to see Captain Fowler walking toward you, his facial features pulled into an angry expression. Shit.

“Yes, Captain?” you answered, hoping whatever he had to say would be short.

“I don’t understand the nerve of that man,” He exclaimed with a scoff. “Will you please go out there and talk some sense into Hank? He almost broke Perkins’ goddamn nose, and he’s about to lose his badge.”

You heard a faint chuckle from Gavin, which filled you with a heated rage momentarily.

“Maybe he just needs some time to cool off?” You offered, hoping the excuse would allow you to keep your post in front of the door.

“Yeah, or maybe a trip to the bar,” Gavin teased. If you hadn’t been trying to stay on his good side, you would’ve glared daggers at him.

“No, (Y/N), you go talk to him right now. You’re the only one he’ll lighten up to.” Captain Fowler ordered, and you sighed heavily before leaving the entrance to the evidence room. As you left, you heard the door to the evidence room open and close.

Shit.

[fromedcns-blog]

*  medalion rahimi, age 24, she/her | oh, them? that’s ghalia majid. they’ve lived in carina bay for, like, twenty four years. last time i spoke to them they were a sports journalist, and if i remember correctly, they’re a cancer. seeing them around always makes me think of keys clicking away on a keyboard, floral printed skirts and birds chirping in the morning. ( lissa, 21, est, she/her )  

hey guys it me lmao i’m so excited to bring ghalia here, i’ve been playing her for a while now and love her a lot so i hope u guys do too cus i love it here and i think/hope she’ll fit in great!! this whole intro post is pretty much taken from a bio i wrote for her i just kinda cut it up and added some new things to switch it up so here ya go!! 

ghalia is always set out to do the right thing and she’s definitely a #momfriend type. making sure her friends and everyone around her is ok or asking if they need anything/being concerned is a huge part of her personality.. even if it can be overbearing at times. she sees the world in a positive light rather than the much more realistic hell hole it can be. sometimes this can make her seem naive, but she’s just someone who finds it more beneficial to see the good side of things. 

she can be kinda nosy and annoying like … no joke about that. she loves taking care of people but she can also be kinda invasive and too In Your Face about it without even realizing. she absolutely means well but sometimes doesn’t see herself crossing a line until it’s too late 

she’s also quite ambitious and believes that people can achieve anything they want to (motivational speaker much?) she always has her sights set on something bigger than herself and for the most part, she feels like her potential has no limits. she thrives off of opportunity and optimism even if she lives in her head a lot, and even if what’s brewing in her head really makes no sense or has no possibility of ever happening. she looks at life as en empty canvas, just waiting for her to fill it with her thoughts and desires but as most things are, it’s easier said than done.

this doesn’t stop her from wanting the greatest life she could possibly have, but she has high expectations for herself and doesn’t want to fall short of them. with this kind of personality, it may seem like she’s isolating herself from others when she has her mind set on something, but she’s an extrovert through and through and loves people, but sometimes has a hard time bursting out of the dream space in her head.

she’s been this way since she was a child. her parents are both immigrants, they came to american from tehran, iran in the 80s and created a new life themselves and worked to make sure their children had better opportunities growing up. they ended up in new york at first for their careers (her mom is a teacher, her dad is a professional photographer and he teaches lessons at a studio) and eventually settled in carina bay before ghalia was born because it seemed like a great place to raise a family. ghalia looks up to them like no one else, she admires their courage and their strength and their tenacity to never settle for less than what they deserve. so it’s because of them, not just blind hope, that ghalia reaches for the even beyond the stars and keeps reaching even when her arms can’t go anymore.

although she’s a bright and spirited person who always wants to do right by others, that also causes ghalia to have a number of downfalls that all add up and can create quite a monster of an emotional mess. she’s stubborn and a special kind of reckless; feels embarrassed admitting she failed at something she put all her effort into even when the horizon that is the finish line really wasn’t as close as she thought. disappointment is her enemy yet she comes face to face with it often, usually from her own doing. she wants to know everything all the time, her curious mind wanders and wanders until it finds trouble she never knew existed. when she drills too hard into conversation and hits sore spots and doesn’t realize it until she’s made everyone around her uncomfortable– she wants to be open with people, when it’s not always possible. not everyone can relate to the positivity she thrives on and that frustrates her sometimes.

other tidbits/fun facts:

ghalia has always been interested in writing and photography (something she got from her dad), the two have been her main creative outlet growing up. she majored in journalism at wake forest university and decided to focus on sports as she grew into her career path and works for a local newspaper covering mostly soccer through the nc courage and north carolina fc! 

she played soccer growing up and into highschool and thought she might continue into college but honestly she wasn’t THAT good and decided the sidelines were better suited for her anyways where she could help behind the scenes and volunteered wherever they needed her and she was also the team photographer for a while 

((listen i’m a huge sports nerd so why not live vicariously through her lolol))

she’s a very talkative, very social ‘lil thing. she’s always been that kind of kid in school who got moved for talking to the person sitting her, but she was also that person who talked and talked no matter if her neighbor was a stranger or not. that gets her into trouble sometimes. she can be overwhelming when having conversations, she always has a million things to say and usually not enough time to say it. also, not everyone always wants to hear the oh so thrilling details about her walk back to her apartment yesterday, but she’d swear on her life that you *need* to hear about the squirrel that followed her the entire way. bottom line is, she loves to talk but needs to be told to shut up every once in a while. it’s only for her own good.

she’s a lesbian and very into girls although she’s kinda shy about dating and has only been in one serious relationship 

besides her main passions/hobbies being photography and writing, ghalia also enjoys nature, staying up late reading wiki articles on conspiracy theories, watching paranormal story time videos on youtube at 4 am, and she also wants to learn as many languages as she can. for now, she can speak conversational farsi, the language that, outside of english, is the main language her family speaks, and it’s important to her that she’s able to keep in touch with her relatives still living in iran. she’s not so great at writing it quite yet but she’s working on it. she’s not too bad at speaking spanish, she took several years of classes ever since middle school and falls in and out of practicing it currently. she’s attempted french and german, but only got as far as a couple activities on duolingo before her attention got dragged to her next project. one day she’ll be fluent in them all, one day.

her family is her heart, she’ll defend them until the day she dies and longer, they’re her lifeline and especially her brother, reza majid, who’s 5 years younger and the apple of ghalia’s eye. she has a protective nature about her and that’s due in part to how much she loves her family and little brother, and only wants the best for them, and she feels that way about everyone she cares about.

some connection ideas i just thought of!!!

childhood friends - from like age 4 or something like weeee lil things since ghalia has lived here her whole life, that’d be cute

roommates - it’d be fun if they got along really well and were friends beforehand we love a cute roommate connection

coworkers - from the local paper she works at mayhaps??

former teammates / college friends - ik wake forest is very specific but it could also be friends/teammates from high school or something like that :^)

i’d also love some kinda former relationship?? i imagine her to only have ever been in one real serious relationship, maybe kinda recently or something and it was a big deal and had a big impact on ghalia and maybe there’s lingering feelings or unresolved feelings, idk!!! we could work it out!! 

id LUV a ride or die friend or multiple

also maybe someone who can’t stand ghalia bc she’s nosy and annoying

i don’t know im going out to dinner soon with my fam so i haven’t thought much more about plots but i’m open to all and any ideas! if anyone wants to chat on discord feel free to hmu there @ #lissa7602 or here in the IMs!!! <3333 

[dreamoftowers]

The Shanghai Lady

hi uhhhh i posted this forever ago but deleted it bc i just didnt like it anymore, but i was recently looking thru old works of mine and i re-read this and was like “wow! this is p cool” so uhhhh i’m gonna post it again. i edited it a bit, but i hope yall like it maybe? 

it’s my take on the shanghai lady’s character. this is a drabble that’s written in media res of a story that i’ll probably never completely write out. who knows idk maybe? *shrugs*

anyway it’s a bit Dark and Edgy or w/e but who cares. hope yall like it anyway!

tw: mention of character deaths / violence, yelling, crying 

Sung struggled and squirmed about as two shady figures held tightly onto his arms and dragged him forward through the basement. Vivid neon lights shone from the ceiling, but it somehow still managed to be dark and dim down here, becoming increasingly darker the deeper they descended into the understructure of the place; though, Sung couldn’t even see any of this through the blindfold wrapped around his eyes. High-octane pop music blasted from the upstairs dance floor, becoming more and more faded the farther they walked.

After a few minutes of dragging, struggling, and stumbling, Sung heard a door swing open in front of him. As he was dragged into the direction of the door, he felt the atmosphere around him suddenly change. The air felt cooler, crisper, but heavier, somehow, much heavier in a way that Sung couldn’t quite understand.

He felt himself being thrown forwards, and his body fell face first onto the cold floor. As he lay there on the floor, the figures grabbed his hands, and held them behind his back. Sung felt icy cold handcuffs latch onto his wrists. Hands grabbed at his arms and yanked his upper body up from the ground, and they positioned him so that he was sitting on his knees. There Sung sat, breathing heavily as one of the figures untied the blindfold and ripped it off of his eyes.

The sudden bright neon lighting of the room stung Sung’s eyes. He groaned, and squinted until he adjusted to the vivid lights. He darted his eyes all around the room; again, somehow the room managed to be dim even though there were deep hues of pinks and purples and blues emitting from the neon lights scattered around the room. Decorating the room were ornate paper lanterns, indoor waterfalls and water fountains illuminated in colorful LED lights, and strange glowing plants and vines growing on the walls.

A large pool sat in the back of the room, glowing in alternating hues; and in the middle of it, a rectangular platform rose out of the water. There, the dusky figure of a woman sat cross-legged, her back facing Sung.

The Shanghai Lady.

Exactly who he was looking for- though, admittedly, he wasn’t expecting to meet her like this, sitting on his knees with handcuffs binding his hands together.

He couldn’t really make out what she was wearing, but the shape of it, from what he could make out, was something ornate, something flamboyant. She was surrounded by glowing waterfalls and hanging floral vines.

Sung breathed heavy breaths, taking in the oddly calming sounds of the area: the gentle splashing of running water, the quiet ambient music playing throughout the room, the soft remnants of pop music playing high above them from the nightclub. He was just awestruck from this atmosphere. Who knew that The Shanghai Lady had such a hunch for avante-garde interior design? For someone with as much blood, corruption, and destruction on her hands, one wouldn’t expect such contrastingly calm scenery for her lair.

A robotic female voice rang out through the room. It was shockingly silky, gentle, soothing to the ears, while also containing an eerie undertone.

“I would have never in a million years expected to see you here, Sung.” Her voice reverberated through the room.

An unnerved chill shot through Sung’s body. He frowned, and asked in a demanding voice, “What do you want from us? How did you find us? What did we d--”

The Shanghai Lady cut him off and continued to speak as though she hadn’t heard his questions. “You’re usually so elusive, caught up in your own little world. I was so surprised that you came here. Hmhm.” Her small chuckles seemed to echo and reverberate a bit more intensely than her sentences did. “Why the sudden change of heart? Did you fina--”

“WHERE ARE THEY!!?!” Sung suddenly exploded, his trembling voice roaring over hers. His breaths became just as shaky as his body was. “What did you do to them?!”

She didn’t answer. All she did was chuckle.

“ANSWER ME!!” Sung screamed out, his face turning red and contorted with anger.

“Oh, my.” She said in such a nonchalant tone. “Someone’s upset. I’ve never seen you like this before, Sung. It’s so… intriguing to see you at your breaking point already. Though, I suppose I shouldn’t have expected anything different of you. You’re always gushing about your… damned bandmates. Friendship this, and- and brotherhood that.” When saying these words, her tone shifted to a slight hiss, as though the words were poison on her tongue. Her tone quickly returned back to normal. “Of course you’d be so concerned about them. Pathetic.”

Anger ran red hot through Sung’s boiling blood. Why is she talking like she knows him personally? Does she? He certainly doesn’t know her personally. Hell, he only knows her through rumors and myths.

“Stop talking like you know me,” Sung spat out through gritted teeth.

“I do know you, Sung.”

“You know nothing about me.”

“Hahaha, ah, on the contrary, sweetheart.” In her next sentence, her voice shifted to that menacing hissy tone again. “I know everything about you.”

Sung was shaking so much that he felt like he would explode from the rage burning within him. He balled his hands into tight fists. He couldn’t even respond for a long moment. He just stared daggers at the back of her head. “What… do you want…?”

“Do you recognize my voice, Sung?”

The sudden question stunned him into a brief silence. Bewildered, he furrowed his brows and furiously shook his head. “No, I don’t!”

“Not at all?” The Shanghai Lady asked in a mockingly sad tone.

“N-... No… I don’t- I don’t think so.” Sung began to think about this a little deeper. “Not a lot, it’s just… vaguely… familiar... agh, it-it sort of reminds me of someo-- WHERE ARE THEY?” He snapped again, shaking off the previous thoughts on his mind. She… did sound somewhat familiar, he just couldn’t put his finger on it. But it didn’t matter. He was going to find out where his friends were, no matter what distractions she threw at him.

“You were so, so close,” she said, ignoring his last question. “Still can’t figure it out?”

Sung said nothing in reply.

Suddenly, in the next words she uttered, her voice became dramatically different, but in a way that was somehow still vaguely similar to her original voice. It was much more robotic and monotone, much colder. 

“How about now?”

Sung’s heart sank into his stomach. His face fell into immediate horror and dismay, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging agape.

Sung could recognize that voice anywhere.

He tried to utter something, anything, but no words came out. All that could escape his throat were failed attempts at words. “C…c-co…”

The Shanghai Lady chuckled again in her normal tone. “Go on, take your time. I’m waiting,” she said in a whispery voice.

Tight knots formed in Sung’s stomach. His lips trembled as he stuttered out, “Co...c-comp..uter… w-w...ife…”

“There you go,” she congratulated him in a mocking tone.

“No…” Sung muttered, shaking his head. “But.. but why?” Sung whimpered out. “What..--”

“You haven’t changed at all, Sung. A part of me isn’t surprised.” She slowly rose to her feet. The skirt of her dress, or shirt, or whatever she was wearing, swayed as she stood and turned around. Once she was facing Sung, the glow of her metallic amber irises pierced through the darkness. As she approached him, descending down the stairs from the platform onto the floor, Sung could only gaze at her in utter disbelief, utter awe. “You’re not-- you’re not her,” he said, his voice shaking with emotion. “Y-You’re not her, I know it, she- sh-she wouldn’t do anything like this, I…” He seemed to be trying to convince himself of this rather than telling her this.

As The Shanghai Lady came closer to him, the lighting from nearby lamps and waterfalls illuminated her figure, giving Sung a chance to gaze upon her. She wore a slightly loose-fitting black jumpsuit that had intricate gold designs printed on it. A black, armor-like shoulder mantle draped over her chest, and from the back of it fell a long flowing cape lined with gold. Her chrome metallic skin was pure white, like that of a marble statue, other than the dark green circuitry running down her face like trickles of water. Some of her detailing was similar to how she looked before she… left, and abandoned Sung. But others were so much different now. She looked like such a completely different person, but what scared him more was that she still did resemble her old self a bit. She couldn’t have been lying about being his compu--... ex computer wife. Even now, Sung refused to believe his own eyes.

Sung looked up at her as she stood over him, chuckling to herself and leaning over to gently caress his chin with her robotic white hand. The familiar, and yet somehow simultaneously foreign, touch of her hand sent unnerving chills through his heart. “Oh, Sung. Even with all the intellect and genius in the universe, you never did, nor ever will, understand your own finest creation. It’s a shame. So knowledgeable, yet so idiotic.” The Shanghai Lady suddenly gripped at Sung’s jaw, and yanked his head up further. “We could’ve been unstoppable, Sung. With your intellect and my vigor, we could’ve achieved anything we wanted. But you didn’t want that, did you?” She squeezed tighter onto Sung’s face. “No, you’d rather waste your talent building robot drummers and specialty instruments with all of the finest elements of our universe. Never focusing on the bigger picture. Such wasted potential.” She shoved his face away, and Sung let his head droop down.

Memories of their marriage flashed into Sung’s mind. Gradually, over time, the more sentient and self-thinking that she became, the more she would grow tired of him and his experiments. He noticed that she became distant, irritable, and, now that he was looking back on it, more ominous about her outlooks and views. That’s when the arguments began.

She was always urging him to do “more important” things with his time and energy, saying that his talents shouldn’t go to waste on such “trivial” things such as music, but Sung would always calm her down enough to where they could get back to their normal lives. But the arguments only got worse until one day, she disappeared without a word, without a trace, and the only thing she’d left behind was a goodbye note.

But this… how could she have done all of this? Making such a bloody reputation for herself, on Earth of all places? And… more importantly, how was she able to single handedly tear TWRP apart so easily, and take away all of Sung’s friends one by one? He still didn’t even know what she’d done to them yet, and as much as it burned him on the inside to be so ignorant, he had no choice but to listen to her. No words could escape him at this point.

The Shanghai Lady slowly walked away from him, then stopped and stood with her back facing him. “But no need to dwell on the past, right? Not without the proper actions, at least. That’s when you all came in to the picture.” She slowly turned her head to look back at him. Her eyes shone a sharp and intimidating glow. “You made it so easy, I just couldn’t resist exacting revenge on you. You all came running right to me.”

She took a brief pause, almost as though she were thinking about something. She chuckled loudly before turning her head away and speaking again. “You know, Sung, I’ve always been intrigued by the lives of organic beings like yourself. You all have limitations: physically, emotionally, psychologically. It’s so captivating…. watching how you all squirm and thrash about once you’ve reached your breaking point. Blood spilling, bones shattering, hmhm, even watching tears fall is fascinating. Thrilling, even. Such fleshy, emotional little things, you are!” She said this in almost a cheery voice. “I never would’ve guessed that little red one’s neck would break so easily. Or that the lion man’s psyche could be so easily shattered.”

Sung’s heart stopped. A paralyzing horror fell over him, leaving his blood running cold, his skin draining of color. No, no, she couldn't’ have, she wouldn’t do that…right? In just a few short seconds, his entire world began to crumble and fall, and the weight of it crushed Sung’s heart. He started to tremble.

Sung shook his head in disbelief, denial. “No..N-no… you…”  

“Yes, the red one… so brittle. His neck just snapped like a twig. Oh, and the lion… he saw everything. He’s usually so calm and laid back.” The Shanghai Lady snickered. “Yet he broke down into such a demented state, screaming and sobbing out… and so quickly, at that. I was genuinely surprised.”

All Sung could do was listen as rage and dread rose within him, making him tremble and whimper. He hung his head and squeezed his hands into tight fists, each word she uttered sending more and more pain into his heart and soul.

“Even that robot broke much easier than I expected. I figured that another one of your creations might have stood a chance, but I was mistaken. He fell just as easily as the rest. The red glow in his eyes flickered away so… gently. It was almost peaceful to watch that heap of useless metal fall to the ground.”

In an outburst of rage, Sung cried out and tried to race over to her, but the two figures grabbed onto his arms and held him back as he kicked and screamed. He tried to struggle as much as he could, thrashing around and cursing and wailing about, but he eventually broke down and grew stiff, letting his body slump in their arms as he erupted into sobs and whimpers. The only movements he made were the violent shakes of his body as he cried, his chest heaving up and down in spastic breaths.

“And now, you…” The Shanghai Lady said, turning around with the same devilish smirk on her face. “Broken so easily, my sweetheart. You always were so sensitive. But I’m not nearly finished with you, yet.” She raised her hand in the air, and a strange golden orb slowly formed around it. It swarmed with electricity and circuit-like patterns.

She began walking over to him, taking her sweet time.

“No, no, I have more special plans with you.”

[riskeith]

HI BABY!!!!

I LOVE THOSE TYPES OF VIDEOS SO MUCH THE SECOND THE SONG STARTED I KNEW WHAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN!!!! I’M SO HAPPY ALSO THE PLAYER TRYING TO MAKE ZHONGLI DANCE SKDJFJDKDJFLD i love how dancin’ has just become the official genshin song.

yes back to scheduled program:

it’s a super unpopular opinion 😳 i’ve never heard anyone say that skdhdfjdks. but same i think i’ve seen the first two over ten times throughout the years but i’ve only seen the last one Once. the movies do a great job at lore though so i don’t think reading the books are necessary... personal opinion. OH idk how famous it is but it’s a truth and dare fic and it’s super nsfw idk how much you like reading those but it’s called ‘it started with a spin’... it’s a mess but i remember reading it years ago and really enjoying it jshshsj.. also WOW???? you really fell into the drarry hole huh? granted it’s understandable they have some amazing writers. and sooo much content.

BUNNY CUTE CLUNA OH MY GOD HE SAID BUNNY CUTE!!!!!!! 🥺 ok this just made razor and bennett my new favorite duo in the game sorry everybody else..... ok nvm aether + razor too? wait no now i’m confused razor should be everybody’s baby.. including ours yes let’s adopt him... i can’t believe we already have children together 😳

RIGHT? i love that so much too! as much as i enjoy canon bamf midoriya i love fics that contain quirkless midoriya as well. something about him not needing a quirk yet changing the world is just *chefs kiss* that does feel like a you thing to do lmao sjshskks imagine how easy writing would be that way. also i’ve been curious about smth: do you have any favorite fics you can recommend? longer fics perferably i’m feeling Angsty.

it is a long time but idk.. it can create friendships that last for a long time. i’m still bestfriends with people i got to know at 5 years old and i’m 21 now so sjsjdksdk i guess being around each other for so long makes your bond different. but i’m sure it’s the same when you share those crucial teenage years together too.

diluc is always there and he’s so tempting.. damn. but yeah after xiao you could go for it!! imagine having xiao and diluc on your team... the fucking op-ness. is it difficult to get primogems at the higher levels?

WHAT????? are you kidding????? holy shit this game is on something.... how long will it take to ascend hahaha. now i know what streamers mean when they say that it’s okay to stop at level 80 with most characters....

CLUNA DO YOU HAVE 8 TUMBLR ACCS OR AM I PICKING THIS UP WRONGLY.... but jokes aside that the best system you don’t have to worry about spamming one blog or it being messy. i admire that a lot, couldn’t be me but i admire that a lot.

CHONGYUN EATING COTTON CANDY.. i just got a visual like him picking cotton candy from his hair and snacking on it help shdjjdhdjsks he’s so adorable. (pink and blue are equally used here!! i mostly see it during fairs and stuff. do you like it?) dip dye was so famous around that time remember when everybody did it? i remember crying bc i wasn’t allowed. and yeah i dye my hair once a year usually. mostly softer brown colors (my natural hair color is dark brown) and black when i’m feeling emo. i did peachy red hair once and i think that was my prime hsjsks. wbu? have you ever dyed it?

OIKAWAAAAA....... there’s something so fucking good about a seemingly confident boy that’s actually super insecure and very passionate that just hits right. right? and i do have two hq wips actually they aren’t very advanced because i’ve been so busy but they exist. one iwaoi and one kagehina. those two are my main ships in the show so far actually, that might change but who knows. i just love those two soooo much. the dynamics are just mwah. i need to get them out in the world some day.... hbu?? are you currently working on anything? hq or anything else? AND OFC IVE SEEN THAT. i actually love that drawing sooooo much cluna i remember seeing it weeks ago and going aaaaaah wow. the crown,,, his hair,,, i just think you’re the most amazing and i have such a crush on your talent.... 🥺 (just you in general as well actually 😳)

it’s the weekend, aka more time for us! can’t wait to hear from you again babe... <3

HI HIIIIII

HAHAHA YEAH WHEN I SAW IT I WAS LIKE OMGGGGGGG OMGGGGGG!!!!! the things people come up with wow 😩

oooo! that’s good then. i just don’t think i absorb information as well from movies compared to books ahaha. well i’ve learnt all the important stuff through fics now i reckon 🤪 oh i’ve seen that!! but i’ve purposely been not reading it fhdjdjskkwndks i feel like the concept wouldn’t be my thing but.. i might give it a shot. AND YESS there are so many good drarry authors who’ve written amazing fics ugh i love it here

it’s what razor deserves 😩😩 where should we take him first 🤪 family day out

hmmm fic recs which pairing? i could give you a lot of drarry, and a decent amount of iwaoi and kagehina maybe.. i don’t read a lot of fic for pairings/fandoms i write unfortunately.. but for a start the drarry fic running on air i mentioned is reaaaaally good!! a shorter one but just as good one is “to hurt and heal”. and i hope you’re doing alright 💞

omg nice!! that’s so sweet tho.. do you know anyone who’s had their childhood friends to lovers experience <33 ahahah

dude xiao and diluc omg… i am manifesting 🕯 it kinda is! if you run out of achievements and you’ve explored everything you can only really get primos from your daily commissions… i believe. which is why updates with new areas like dragonspine are a big blessing djdjskkdnfjc

yeah same omg crazy.. i think i might try levelling some of my main 4 up with books and then i’ll just like passively let them gain xp as i play lmao.…

I HAVE...… DEFINITELY MORE THAN 8 INCLUDING ONES IM JUST USING TO SAVE URLS/BLOGS I STARTED BUT NEVER CONTINUED BUT..… yeahhhhhh LMAO

omg.… your brain m.a. your brain!!! (i love cotton candy!! we call it fairy floss ehehe. do you like it?) FJSKKDKSMS i wasn’t allowed either 😔😔. oh nice!! omg peachy red??? das cool af. and i’ve never dyed my hair before!! but i’ve been wanting to bleach it lately heheh

iwaoi and kagehina dynamics are definitely top tier… i hope you’re able to work on those wips again soon!! and i have a lot of hq wips!! none i’m actively working on.. but yeah! thank you so much 😭😭😭😭 you’re too too kind to me 😭😭😭 but yeah i was also like??? i really did that??? wow. i must’ve been possessed by some kinda oikawa loving and good at drawing demon when i drew that fr (the feeling is.. mutual 😳)

ALSO THAT REMINDS ME. I HAVE THE PERFECT PLACE TO GO ON OUR CO-OP DATE omg so i was thinking about where we could possibly go together as xingqiu and chongyun before falling asleep and literally startled awake when i realised… won’t tell you yet so it’s a surprise hehehe unless you also know 👀 what i’m thinking 👀

woo!! can’t wait for your reply 💌