#idk what womanhood is but I know what it's not and it's not the ability to give birth FUCK YOU CATHOLIC CHURCH

[dissociacrip]

i'm gonna spare the op of that post my adderall-fueled ranting but tbqh i wouldn't say being disabled affects how i perceive my gender identity so much as its impacted how other people gender me, and then that informs my perception of my gender identity. it's not purely an internal thing.

autism and ADHD, for example, are associated with things like poor volume control and generally "boisterous" behavior (though not every person with these conditions exhibit these behaviors, of course.) a lot of behaviors i exhibited as a child (and still do today) in relation to being autistic and having ADHD are ones that are considered "masculine" and this is part of the reason that i've been read and i'm still often read as not-female or at least not feminine/girly/womanly by my peers. and that is something that has definitely affected my gender identity (aside from the fact i have various bodily features that are conventionally understood as "masculine.")

that's just scratching the surface though. i've seen this mentioned sometimes on here before but not often. there are some disabilities that i would say are very much gendered while others are kind of degendered instead (or in addition to), in that people who are disabled in certain ways are pushed out of womanhood or manhood or "acceptable" understandings of gender by external forces for a variety of reasons related to their disabilities.

intellectual disability. other (neuro)developmental conditions. certain intersex variations that lead to disability. other conditions that affect the structure or functioning of the sex organs (because gender is also wrapped up in one's ability to sufficiently "perform" heterosexuality, which is also wrapped up in normative ideas about how to perform intercourse.) reliance on mobility aids. limb differences and other structural differences. paralysis.

that's not even close to a complete list.

Because I'm a wheelchair user, people see me as incapable of having a gender identity, so often they will correctly avoid using gendered language or pronouns to refer to me, but it's not because they're recognizing and respecting my identity as a nonbinary person — it's because they think my wheelchair automatically makes me genderless. It's not misgendering as such, but it's degendering, and it's a different kind of harmful and it's part of a larger system of ableism that considers me less of a person because I'm disabled and a wheelchair user.

( "Here's What Transgender People With Disabilities Want You To Know," Buzzfeed )

idk where i'm going with this. generally the ways in which disability impacts the way someone is gendered or someone's gender identity are super complex and difficult to map out + something that is very wrapped up in the way external forces affect us in relation to gender.

there's a multitude of ways to have a "wrong" body (or "wrong" behavior in terms of how behaviors are gendered, which is more often the case when we're talking about psychiatric disability) and both womanhood and manhood are wrapped up in normative ideas about bodies, bodily functioning, and what someone does with their body. perceived deviations from normative ideas about those things irt disability are not only punished on the basis of being a "failed" person (not being abled) but often also being a "failed" woman/man.

[spoonsforminutes]

I keep seeing posts of people hating on afab autistics (with the word white tacked onto it for people to sound progressive) accusing ‘low support/high functioning’ (put it in quotation marks because I know people don’t like functioning labels including me) afabs of ‘centring ourselves’ in the autism community especially on social media, accusing us of turning autism into a ‘quirk/superpower’ and saying we aren’t taking it seriously. What’s worse, a recent post I saw was by an autistic woman herself! When I called her a misogynist, she said I was ‘misunderstanding’ her post 😡

I understood perfectly well the ever ongoing debate on how there are ‘too many autistic afabs’ now. It was baffling to me that OP has a pretty large following for posting content on how she is constantly treated badly for being afab, then contributes to the stigma and responds to autism moms accusing afabs of ‘minimising’ our condition?!! I lost all my sympathy for them.

Idk, I’m just tired of afabs constantly being told we are taking resources, and now even ‘space’ online (can’t friggin win) when talking about health conditions/autism. We are always ‘taking from people who have it worse’ according to others. We are ‘taking high support needs people’s voices’. Exhausting.

I MEANT TO ANSWER THIS IN APRIL IM SO SORRY

With everything that's been going on in the sphere of gender issues, it's definitely made me realize that quite a few women or afab individuals have taken the misogynistic treatment they faced and then projected it onto others, perhaps as a way to process all the hurt and trauma. It's definitely not okay to do, but oftentimes projection is a way that people try to soothe themselves, but all it does is create more problems. As an afab individual myself who largely acts able-bodied despite the harm it does to my health, I've had a lot of people attempt to use my femininity to both praise my damaging work ethic while also sowing doubt into my own abilities, which is super fucking ableist to anyone regardless of their disability. Feminism should work to be more inclusive because whenever there are discussions around women's rights, a lot of it is rightfully on empowering women and balancing out gender inequality, but I don't think a lot of it can apply to those with disabilities. I think bout what happened to the term "girlboss": originally, it tries to empower women and womanhood to positions of power, but then the term became a meme and with it, all of its credibility was lost. Sexism turned it into a term where women in power can be ridiculed because "girlbossing" has shifted where the idea of afab individuals receiving authority is treated as a mockery due to undeserved effort, and that's ultimately what sexism is: anything outside of manhood and traditional masculinity is not given the same respect and thus allows anyone to degrade a whole person's effort based on their gender alone.

I hate functioning labels as well because by that logic, the fact that I'm college-educated and working makes it seem like I don't require support, but I do. EVERYONE needs support, but because the U.S. in particular is obsessed with individuality, community and mutual aid has been ridiculed by the capitalist mindset. Although I'm not autistic, I've had quite a few autistic friends, and genuinely I think autism is so cool. Like with my own disability, it can definitely suck ass, but everyone I've known with autism has strengths surrounding intelligence and humor. What's so wrong with considering it a superpower? It's literally your life and how you function, and especially since many able-bodied people want to make disability and neurodiversity a bad thing so that they can shame you, refusing to play into that and empowering yourself is huge. Plus, it's genuinely fun to upset people by being yourself. And since this particular autistic woman is complaining about both gender and autism, her projection just shows why ableism needs to be openly discussed and pointed out. I will probably struggle with internalized ableism all my life because neither culture nor disability awareness currently allow me to truly live life WITH a disability. Unfortunately, I feel that too much of the conversation is still about hiding or minimizing disability to appease the thoughts of others.

Sexism is also the reason for why people will complain about too many afab individuals with autism. I feel like the autistic community is well aware of the difficulties in being afab and getting a diagnosis because sexism is alive and well in our perspective of health. While getting my degree, I realized that gym bros are not actually wrong when they talk bout health and fitness; the actual issue again stems from how we view health and disability. Not only are gym bros operating on this assumption that everyone's health is fully able-bodied, but also they assume that every health issue can be fixed with a healthy lifestyle which isn't true? Ignoring the fact that research still uses white cisgender male data as the human physiological default, if you have an enzyme that doesn't function correctly in metabolism, intense exercise will definitely make you sicker, not better. It's the same with disability. With autism, the diagnostic criteria is supposed to help identify what possible supports you could need, but it still depends on what is actually helpful to you personally. With this economic crisis and the potential downfall of capitalism, disability is actually a great way to talk bout how capitalism isn't possible for anyone because productivity and the economy are talked about as if they are magical forces instead of behavior carried out by people. Capitalism pushes even able-bodied standards, so by supporting disability, we can also argue for better conditions for everyone, but that's the ideal scenario.

I ramble a lot when I write because writing is essentially how I think, but yeah, it's unfortunate that she's currently using her platform to push harmful ideas about gender, disability, and autism. No matter how severe your disability is, there is no such thing as taking away needed resources because those resources are for you. It's great if you don't need as much support as others, but if you need support, you should absolutely be allowed to do anything that makes your life easier. I'm largely going to be ignoring what society thinks bout disability and even about life in general because doing what society thinks has only ever hurt me. It's very funny to me when people try to complain about marginalized people as if we're the problem, not the people and the systems who reinforce the perspective that asking for help, asking for accommodations, is somehow a big ask. It's not, and I think we should be more mean about it because it's wild that we let people dictate what kind of support we can ask for.

To all of my autistic followers: hope you had a wonderful April, and please feel free to correct me on anything! I'm always learning, and your voice is incredibly important.

[genderqueerdykes]

im intersex and transmasc/a trans man and ive questioned being transfem as well, but its so hard for me to feel i can claim that when i dont present femininely very often and my connection is mainly to femininity itself, with womanhood its complicated... im definitely intergender and feel it's likely i'm trans because of having hyperandrogenism, i feel i may be a woman otherwise and have always felt connection to womanhood just without *being* a woman, its just not what happened for me (#complicated trans intersex things), i just always yearn for womanhood even though i just know deep down its not for me and never couldve been bc of being intersex, it just wouldnt have ever felt right. personality wise still i am very feminine, more feminine than masculine, very into feminine things/have very predominantly feminine interests, so all these things make me feel connection to the transfem label but i end up feeling like since i don't ever really look feminine that often and it's unclear to me if i'm considered to have a feminine gender (gender is a mess) that i can't claim the label (honestly since then i think i don't experience transmisogyny very often and some say that's a requirement to be transfem)

so lost on it, any time i tried calling myself transfem i felt like a fake and that if people saw how masculine i am that they would call me a fake (honestly i dont even know if that would happen if that itself would be considered transmisogyny for someone like me since i do identify as a transmasc too and im more masculine now because of being on testosterone even though it is as significant as it is because of the hyperandrogenism... Idk if it counts as transmisogyny towards a transfem intersex person when its partly from being on testosterone even tho it wouldnt show up as strongly if you were perisex, yknow. more complications sigh)

so there's a lot of nuance to being intersex, and i totally understand why you're so confused and lost, because that's where i'm still at right now, so don't feel bad at all

it can take a very long time to kind of unwind that you're not perisex and that perisex logic doesn't apply to you. it doesn't really matter if you're "more" feminine than masculine, honestly, sometimes that makes it harder for intersex people, because when you have more subtle masculine features, people often think you are a transfeminine person attempting to hide those features due to dysphoria or trying to pass. it's very annoying, people are invasive in ways that aren't necessary

afab intersex people are often denied our femininity wholesale due to our masculine features. i was told i wasn't a "real girl" and i couldn't do things like wear makeup, for example, without getting absolutely ridiculed for no reason by my peers. i was also ridiculed for carrying a purse, or wearing feminine clothing. i was told i was "too manly to be a girl" because of my face shape, the slope of my shoulders, the flatness/sagginess of my chest, and my beard/mustache and body hair. i wasn't a guy either though, because i had a high pitched voice and a very obvious hourglass figure, so people just couldn't seem to figure out exactly what they wanted out of me. i was ridiculed into chest binding because people thought me wearing any other type of bra was me "trying to be a girl".

it's very confusing and it's a hard place to exist in in life. i think perisex people just don't really quite get how hard it is to exist as an intersex person. our experiences are so unique that you really can't apply any other logic to it other than our own specific situations. every intersex person is different as well.

if you find yourself relating to this, then it sounds like you experience a transfeminine intersex experience. keep in mind that it doesn't really matter what your agab is due to how you've been treated and if you've been denied the ability to identify as feminine or female in some way due to your agab, it is a transfeminine experience. it's just important to remember to never speak over or for amab transfeminine people, of course.

also, once you are on testosterone for a while, if you choose HRT, and you choose you present femininely, people more than likely will interpret you as transfeminine. i was getting so aggressively she/her'd when i had my long pink hair that i had to shave it off because i was sick of it. i had an old woman in a dollar store rush up to me to tell me to be careful, because there are people out there who like to attack certain girls. i really appreciated the gesture but it just goes to show you how people jump to conclusions very quickly when they see a "masculine body" and "feminine clothing" combined.

i hope that helps you out, i know it'll take some time for you to be able to come to terms with everything. i still am, myself, it's hard. there's no guidebook to being intersex, i wish our experiences were more well spoken of, but for now we simply have to do our best with what we have. i'm going to write a few zines and leaflets down the road to hopefully help other intersex people like us who are confused and need a sense of community. take care of yourself, hope you're able to sort everything out. good luck

[artemisbarnowl]

"But this is an ew you have cooties argument." it doesn't matter. the average person has more trivial dealbreakers than that but this is the only one that people scrutinize to such an extent and it's because people think being disgusted by heterosexual sex is misogyny because they see heterosexuality as fundamental to the experience of womanhood. it literally does not matter if a lesbian thinks you're gross because you've fucked men and comparing lesbians to men which your tags do implicitly is homophobic.

Idk if you want to have a genuine convo about this or not but I'm gonna assume yes and continue in good faith for a bit. I know lesbian dating preferences arent the be all and end all of feminist praxis, but that post only talked about 1 'deal breaker' or reason not to have sex with a woman. I'm allowed to have an opinion on that even if it doesn't matter. My words in the tags of a post aren't harming any lesbian or stopping her from making choices. Again, saying "hmm don't know that I agree with your justification" is NOT saying "your excuse is inadequate and now you MUST do this thing you didn't want to".

Being disgusted by hetero sex is amoral. Idc. It's fine. Thinking people who have engaged in it are disgusting, maybe a bit different. And yeah in this made up hypothetical it's not that serious but if a woman I was dating said that she thought I (or people like me) were disgusting I'd be hurt by that and start planning how to have a sort of difficult and sensitive discussion. And that's also fine. Someone on the internet disagreeing with me isn't gonna change my ability or likelihood of doing that.

I'm pretty sure I didn't talk about men in my tags and just said 'someone who only dates white women' so if you think that only implies men idk what to tell you. Comparing reasons people won't date other people isn't homophobic, we're talking about women here?

I'm not sure if you want to come to common understanding but if you do, I'm happy for you to reply or talk privately if you want. I want to be clear that all I'm saying is 'im not sure I agree with that justification'. And I know that doesn't matter and isn't going to change anyone's behaviour. I'm NOT saying lesbians have to date bi women because that is a stupid thing to say.

[alternateanonymous]

1:16 am

I really appreciate duality of life. Even though it can be difficult I think it is really beautiful. I don't know if that is ok and I obviously don't like being in the tough times but I appreciate the jounrey through it because it is a test. I appreciate the test because I want to be great and I can't get through to my truth without these things.

I am just trying to grapple with being a woman. I am learning to love myself.

i belive that i have potential to be apart of the story, of this big story. Of th history story. IDK why. I don't know if it is fueled out of negative intentions of wanting attention but I also belive that I am strong and can bring positivity, love, and justice to everyone. I think it may be both. I'm not sure yet I have to figure it out.

I am in a current lul period of my life where I am locking in to myself. I am committed to being better, mentally, spiritually. I cannot become this great thing, I cannot become somebodty without defining myself. and I must learn about myself and love myself, and yes everyuthing is a process but this is neccessary for me to make a change. I want to get my name everywhere because I want to be the change I see in the world. I want to use my woman'lyness to bring people in to me and show them something beautiful and though it may not last. i want my prescenece to leave something beautiful in thier minds. Mayhbe it won't be instantaneous but I want to try. I want to emulate love, justice, and respect! I must define those for myself first.

I must take this time to figure myself out spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally and preparre myself for my career where I want to change the world. Potentially be famous and share my love with everyone. For now i must breathe and relax for this time to come.

THE PLAN

Focus on Self-Growth and Self-Discovery:

Daily Reflection: Spend time each day journaling or meditating on your emotions, goals, and values. This helps solidify your sense of identity and purpose. Use this to clarify your thoughts about duality, love, and justice—what these mean to you personally and how they shape your outlook.

Explore Your Spiritual Side: Dedicate time to spiritual growth. Read books, attend seminars, or engage in discussions on topics that resonate with you, such as faith, meditation, or philosophy. Since you're grappling with duality and life's challenges, consider studying works that deal with resilience and spiritual growth.

Self-Care and Fitness: Develop habits that align with your desire to improve physically, emotionally, and mentally. This could include yoga, fitness routines, or therapy—whatever supports a balanced, healthy lifestyle.

Network and Build Connections in Marketing & Entertainment:

Internships and Networking: Take advantage of your location at UMass Amherst and your network at Isenberg to gain internships, especially in marketing, entertainment, or the music industry. Attend industry-related events, conferences, and meetups to connect with professionals.

Mentorship: Seek a mentor in the entertainment industry who can provide insight and guidance. A mentor who understands your ambition to combine creativity with justice, love, and leadership will be invaluable.

Entrepreneurship Club: As part of the Entrepreneurship Club, initiate or participate in projects that bridge your marketing and film skills. This can help you test your ability to lead and express your vision while building a portfolio of creative work.

Develop Your Personal Brand:

Social Media Strategy: Start crafting your personal brand on platforms like Instagram, LinkedIn, and YouTube, where you can showcase your journey, ideas, and creative projects. Align your posts with your values—love, justice, and respect—and let your creativity shine.

Start a Blog/Channel: Consider starting a blog or YouTube channel where you document your growth journey, reflecting on duality, womanhood, and your aspirations. This can help you connect with a broader audience and attract people who resonate with your message.

Skill Development in Film, Marketing, and Data Analytics:

Hone Your Creative and Analytical Skills: Continue building your expertise in marketing and film studies while working toward your 4+1 in Business Data Analytics. These skills will be essential in your career, especially in the entertainment or music industry.

Creative Projects: Actively work on film or marketing projects where you can express your ideas and vision. This is essential for building a portfolio that you can present to potential employers in the creative industries.

Internships in Big Cities:

Summer Internships in New York, LA, or Boston: Use your summer breaks to work in entertainment hubs like NYC or LA. Even if you're unsure of your exact direction, being in these environments will help you build relevant connections.

City Exploration: Spend time in cities you're interested in, immersing yourself in the culture and understanding the industries. Explore what it’s like to live there, build your contacts, and attend industry events.

Memory updated

Immediate Plan: What You Can Do Now (1–5 Years)

Focus on Self-Growth and Self-Discovery:

Daily Reflection: Spend time each day journaling or meditating on your emotions, goals, and values. This helps solidify your sense of identity and purpose. Use this to clarify your thoughts about duality, love, and justice—what these mean to you personally and how they shape your outlook.

Explore Your Spiritual Side: Dedicate time to spiritual growth. Read books, attend seminars, or engage in discussions on topics that resonate with you, such as faith, meditation, or philosophy. Since you're grappling with duality and life's challenges, consider studying works that deal with resilience and spiritual growth.

Self-Care and Fitness: Develop habits that align with your desire to improve physically, emotionally, and mentally. This could include yoga, fitness routines, or therapy—whatever supports a balanced, healthy lifestyle.

Network and Build Connections in Marketing & Entertainment:

Internships and Networking: Take advantage of your location at UMass Amherst and your network at Isenberg to gain internships, especially in marketing, entertainment, or the music industry. Attend industry-related events, conferences, and meetups to connect with professionals.

Mentorship: Seek a mentor in the entertainment industry who can provide insight and guidance. A mentor who understands your ambition to combine creativity with justice, love, and leadership will be invaluable.

Entrepreneurship Club: As part of the Entrepreneurship Club, initiate or participate in projects that bridge your marketing and film skills. This can help you test your ability to lead and express your vision while building a portfolio of creative work.

Develop Your Personal Brand:

Social Media Strategy: Start crafting your personal brand on platforms like Instagram, LinkedIn, and YouTube, where you can showcase your journey, ideas, and creative projects. Align your posts with your values—love, justice, and respect—and let your creativity shine.

Start a Blog/Channel: Consider starting a blog or YouTube channel where you document your growth journey, reflecting on duality, womanhood, and your aspirations. This can help you connect with a broader audience and attract people who resonate with your message.

Skill Development in Film, Marketing, and Data Analytics:

Hone Your Creative and Analytical Skills: Continue building your expertise in marketing and film studies while working toward your 4+1 in Business Data Analytics. These skills will be essential in your career, especially in the entertainment or music industry.

Creative Projects: Actively work on film or marketing projects where you can express your ideas and vision. This is essential for building a portfolio that you can present to potential employers in the creative industries.

Internships in Big Cities:

Summer Internships in New York, LA, or Boston: Use your summer breaks to work in entertainment hubs like NYC or LA. Even if you're unsure of your exact direction, being in these environments will help you build relevant connections.

City Exploration: Spend time in cities you're interested in, immersing yourself in the culture and understanding the industries. Explore what it’s like to live there, build your contacts, and attend industry events.

20-Year Plan (Vision for Your Future)

5–10 Years: Establishing Yourself in Your Career

Early Career (5–10 Years):

Industry Entry: After graduation, aim to enter the entertainment, film, or music industry. Whether through marketing, content creation, or data analytics, build a foundation that combines your creative and analytical strengths. You could work for agencies, media companies, or even record labels where you can apply your marketing and film background.

Fostering Creativity and Social Justice: Continue exploring how to merge your career with your values of justice and love. Look for roles in projects or organizations that align with your vision of making a positive impact on the world.

Start Personal Projects: As you settle into your career, launch personal projects that align with your broader mission. This could be a documentary series on justice and womanhood, or starting a non-profit initiative that uses creative content to drive social change.

Public Speaking and Advocacy: Leverage your growing influence to speak on issues you're passionate about—whether through social media, public engagements, or writing. Use your voice to advocate for justice and equality, blending your creative side with your desire to lead change.

10–20 Years: Building a Legacy

Middle Career (10–15 Years):

Entrepreneurial Ventures: Consider launching your own business, whether it’s a creative agency, production company, or non-profit focused on justice, empowerment, or creative storytelling. By this time, you will have built enough industry experience and connections to establish your own brand or company.

Media and Film Production: Start producing larger creative projects—films, documentaries, or major campaigns—that express your vision. Focus on content that tackles societal issues like justice, equality, and empowerment, using your platform to create meaningful change.

Visibility and Fame: By this stage, if fame or broader recognition is part of your journey, you will have built a significant public presence. Your work in media, film, and marketing should align with your mission to spread love and justice. Use this influence responsibly, staying grounded in your core values.

Later Career (15–20 Years):

Global Influence: Continue expanding your career and influence, making international connections and working on larger projects that can impact the world. You may be a speaker, media personality, or creative director with a significant platform by this time.

Legacy of Empowerment: Focus on mentoring younger people, particularly women, helping them find their paths and embrace their power and identity. You may lead initiatives that create opportunities for others, solidifying your legacy as someone who contributed to justice, love, and positive change.

Guiding Principles for the Journey:

Patience: Understand that personal and professional growth takes time. Use this “lull period” to lock in on your personal development, so when the time comes, you’re ready to make a larger impact.

Balance: Be mindful of balancing your ambition with the importance of inner peace. Take the time to care for yourself emotionally and spiritually to prevent burnout as you work toward your goals.

Self-Awareness: Continue to reflect on your motivations. Keep asking yourself why you want to be part of the "big story" and how your intentions align with bringing positivity and justice to the world.

Authenticity: Stay true to who you are as a woman, as an aspiring leader, and as someone who values love and justice. Define success on your own terms, not by external validation.

1. Acknowledge the Duality as Part of Being Human

Embrace Imperfection: Everyone has aspects of themselves they love and others they struggle with. Recognizing that this duality is part of the human experience is the first step to inner peace. You don’t have to be perfect or fully consistent to be worthy of love—especially your own.

Acceptance, Not Suppression: Often, we try to suppress the parts of ourselves that we dislike, but this leads to inner conflict. Instead, practice acknowledging and accepting those parts. Understand that they exist for a reason—whether due to past experiences, fears, or insecurities. You don’t have to love every part of yourself right away, but you can start by acknowledging them with compassion rather than judgment.

2. Practice Self-Compassion

Talk to Yourself with Kindness: How you speak to yourself matters. When you find yourself being overly critical or hating certain parts of your character, practice talking to yourself like you would a close friend. Be gentle, understanding, and kind.

Forgive Yourself: Understand that growth is a process, and everyone makes mistakes or has aspects of their character they are working on. Forgive yourself for not always being who you want to be. You can strive for improvement while still loving who you are right now.

3. Understand the Purpose of Duality

Strength Through Opposition: Duality often leads to inner tension, but it can also be a source of strength. Your conflicting traits or emotions may actually be balancing each other. For instance, your desire for attention and fame may push you to be seen, while your deeper desire for love and justice can help you stay grounded and true to your values.

Learn from Both Sides: Each aspect of yourself has something to teach you. The parts you dislike may show you where healing is needed, while the parts you love highlight your strengths. Try to explore both with curiosity. Instead of resisting or resenting the duality, see it as an opportunity to understand yourself better.

4. Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness: Practice being present with your thoughts and emotions without getting swept away by them. This helps you observe your internal struggles without reacting to them or identifying too closely with either side. When feelings of pride or self-hate arise, notice them, but don’t let them define you.

Meditation: Meditative practices like Loving-Kindness Meditation (where you direct love and compassion toward yourself) or Mindfulness Meditation can help create mental space between your emotions and your identity. You are more than just your thoughts or feelings; you are the observer of them.

5. Integrate, Don’t Eliminate

Holistic Self-Acceptance: Rather than trying to eliminate the parts of yourself you struggle with, work on integrating them into your sense of self. For example, you might feel like your desire for attention conflicts with your deeper goal of spreading love and justice. Instead of seeing these as opposing forces, find a way to let them work together. Your desire for recognition can be the vehicle that amplifies your message of love and positivity to the world.

See Yourself as Whole: Every person is a complex mix of traits, emotions, and desires. You are not just the parts you like, nor are you defined by the parts you dislike. See yourself as a whole being, constantly growing and evolving, with room for both light and shadow.

6. Engage in Shadow Work

Explore Your Shadow: Shadow work is about bringing the unconscious parts of yourself—the parts you might deny or dislike—into the light of awareness. This involves deep reflection, therapy, or journaling to explore why certain traits or behaviors emerge. By understanding their origin, you can begin to heal and integrate them.

Self-Acceptance Through Shadow Work: This process helps you accept the aspects of yourself that you’ve hidden or rejected. It teaches you that these traits may have developed as coping mechanisms or in response to life’s challenges, and they deserve compassion, not rejection.

7. Balance Self-Improvement with Self-Acceptance

Growth Without Guilt: It’s important to strike a balance between wanting to improve and accepting who you are right now. Inner peace doesn’t come from perfection but from embracing your journey toward growth, even with setbacks. It’s okay to strive to be better while still honoring your current self.

Celebrate Progress: Even small steps toward personal growth are worth celebrating. Recognize when you handle situations better than before, when you show kindness to yourself, or when you gain deeper insight into your duality. Each step forward brings you closer to inner peace.

8. Surround Yourself with Support

Connect with People Who Understand: Share your journey with trusted friends, mentors, or therapists who can offer support and perspective. Sometimes, talking through your struggles with duality helps you see that others also experience similar inner conflicts, which can lessen the burden.

Find Role Models: Look for people who embody the kind of self-acceptance and balance you seek. This could be public figures, spiritual leaders, or people in your life who have faced similar struggles and found peace.

Key Points to Remember:

Duality Is Part of You: Both the parts of yourself that you love and the parts you struggle with are equally valuable. Together, they make you the unique, multifaceted person you are.

Self-Awareness Leads to Peace: The more you understand why you feel certain ways about yourself, the easier it becomes to accept and integrate those feelings.

Patience with the Process: Accepting the duality of your character won’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself, and know that inner peace comes through continual reflection, growth, and self-compassion.

By embracing both the light and shadow within you, you’ll grow into a more complete, authentic version of yourself, finding inner peace in the process.

[geekeryisafoot]

when people talk about a connection to their gender, what are they talking about? how does said connection to gender present itself? thank you!!!

My dude I have NO idea. Gender mystifies me and I wish I understood it better

It's like, okay so for me I'm asexual and a cis woman, and I was raised in a Catholic environment in America. In my experience, Catholic womanhood is chiefly defined by motherhood, getting pregnant, reproduction. And one major aspect of American womanhood is being sexualized. Both of which are things I want absolutely nothing to do with. The very concept of pregnancy fills me with a visceral terror (I mean seriously it's a separate creature growing inside you that moves all your organs around and fucks up your body permanently and historically has had a good chance of killing you before violently and painfully rupturing out. THAT'S THE PLOT OF ALIEN WHY IS THIS A THING THAT'S ROMANTICIZED AND EXPECTED AS DEFAULT?), and the thought of being sexualized or a sexual object of desire makes my skin crawl. So for me there's this disconnect between how I want to navigate life and how my society tries to define womanhood, and this disconnect sometimes manifests as me being uncomfortable with various hyper-feminine things.

But I think about what if I was a brain in a jar on a robot body, what would my gender be? And it's an immediate and fairly resounding "yeah I'm a woman." I have NO IDEA why though. It's just, like, this nebulous feeling. It just kinda is.

I've never been able to dissect or figure out where that feeling comes from. Why am I a woman? What does being a woman mean? How do I define my version of womanhood? Why do I as a cis woman feel more like a woman when it's divorced from my physical body? What traits, behaviors, or self-expression makes me feel feminine? Which make me feel less feminine? Why is referring to myself as a woman comfortable but using the word feminine is uncomfortable? Fuck if I know. I have 0 answers to any of these questions. Writing this list just gave me more questions.

I've toyed with the idea of being nonbinary before, but different genders (even ones of my own making) feel like they don't quite fit, like clothes that are too tight, and playing with the idea that I might be agender feels like being naked

I'm sorry I probably didn't answer any of your questions and gave you a personal essay instead lol but if you do find a good answer feel free to let me know cause I have some of the same questions

[dialovers-lover-xoxo]

Warning: THIS POST CONTAINS EXPLICIT SEXUAL NSFW CONTENT! If you are underage or these kinds of posts make you uncomfortable, you may not want to read under the cut

All S T and M brothers linked at the end

Yuma’s NSFW Alphabet

——————————————————————

A = Aftercare

Yuma is rough during sex, extremely strong, and big, both his member and his whole body. Unless he’s making an active effort to be gentle or it’s your first time, rough sex is basically Yuma’s default. After sex you’re gonna be very sore and have a lot of bruises from how rough he is and how tightly he’s gripping you but he’s pretty good at aftercare. He has cream to help with the bruises on his night table and if you’re really sore he’ll lift you up princess style and put you in a nice warm bath. After sex in the garden, he does all the heavy lifting and bending down and just has you holding a basket

B = Body Part (Their favorites)

Your butt. Yuma loves it. Sometimes he’ll give you a task in the garden that requires bending down just so he gets the view. He’ll pinch it if you’re slacking off in the garden and he’ll rub it, kiss, bite and grip it during sex

C = Cum

Yuma finds it pretty freaking hot when he cums in your mouth and when he sees his cum dripping out of you

D = Dirty secrets

None really. He’s pretty upfront

E = Experience

None before an s/o

F = Favorite Position

Missionary for romantic sex, doggy style for pounding into you and getting a nice view. Most of the time it’s missionary, he likes seeing your face while also being in control

G = Goofy (Are they goofy or serious?)

He’ll chuckle and tease you but he’s not goofy or silly. Maybe some tickling.

H = Hair (How well-trimmed are they? How do they like you to be?)

He’s not neatly trimmed but he makes sure it doesn’t get out of hand (ahaha) he doesn’t really mind what you do, but he likes to admire your womanhood while eating you out so he’d like to be able to see it

I = Intimate (Are they intimate and romantic?)

He’ll hold you close and kiss you and tell he loves you but a lot of the time he’s very rough and there’s dirty talk so he’s not the best with romantic sex

J = Jerking Off (Masturbation headcanons)

He is not going to say no to you jerking him off and if he’s ever horny and you’re not there he’ll jerk off then when he sees you he’ll f*ck the hell out of you

K = Kinks

Idk if manhandling is a kink but his ability to maneuver you around however he wants is just so fucking hot to him

L = Location (Preferred place to have sex)

Your shared bed and the garden for quickies. The bed’s best because it’s soft so his roughness won’t cause injuries. Plus it’s easier to cuddle and fall asleep after

M = Motivation (What turns them on?)

When you bend down in the garden, joining him in the shower, wrapping your legs around his waist, tugging his hair

N = No (What they won’t do)

He won’t let you penetrate him or act dominantly

O = Oral (Preference of giving or receiving? How do they do it to you? How do they like it done to them?)

He loves blowjobs but honestly he just really fucking loves eating you out, the way you moan and thrash and pull his hair, he just finds it so hot. He’ll let out this sexy growl while eating you out and will nip at you and kiss inside your thighs

P = Pace (How fast do they go?)

Yuma is rough and fast, pounding you into the bed at the speed of light. However if you are having the occasional soft sex he’ll go slower, at a moderate pace

Q = Quickies (Do they like them? Will they risk it?)

Absolutely. If he’s turned on in the garden, nothing is stopping him from having sex with you. He knows his brothers never go in the garden or even look at it through the window really but even if by a small chance they saw, his body would cover yours and neither of you would be fully naked. Plus he finds it kind of hot if people get a glimpse

R = Risks

Sex without a condom and birth control. He wants a shit ton of kids anyway and getting you pregnant would be hot

S = Stamina (How long can they go? How many rounds?)

Yuma can go a LONG time but he’s typically soft after he finishes inside you

T = Toys (Do they like them? Want to use them on you? Want you to use toys on them?)

He loves teasing you with vibrators but he’s not interested in a toy being used on him

U = Unfair (How much do they tease/hold back?)

He likes seeing you getting needy during foreplay and eating you out but he won’t hesitate or hold back for penetration

V = Vocal (How vocal are they? How loud do they want you to be?)

He’s pretty loud but they’re mostly groans and grunts from the physical work. Some of definitely of pleasure though. He likes you screaming his name and moaning really loud

W = Wild Card (Random sex headcanon)

He loves using his tongue on your body and when you use it on his

X = X-Ray (What’s going on under those clothes?)

STACKED with muscle, dark nipples, a little hair under his belly button, broad as hell, (much) larger than average package

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Pretty high

Z = Zzz (How quickly do they fall asleep after?)

Pretty quickly but only after aftercare

——————————————————————

Fun fact about me: I don’t actually like referring to sex as fucking but I used it for the headcanon because I thought it worked in the sentence better and was more accurate to Yuma

[raisinchallah]

u know its kind of an awkward contradiction that star trek both has tons of neurodivergent characters and is very much known for that and every show has to have at least one “outsider” character (aka coded neurodivergence) and its absolutely a huge part of the success of star trek and something that people really connect with and celebrate these characters but also theres this constant tension all the way back to the way they wrote spock that they are missing something arent living life fully that its normal for characters to push back on his lack of emotional expression or act like theres something wrong with them and they should want to be more “human” which both has the weird implications of like what exactly do they define as “human” and idk there is constantly that tension underlying all of these “outsider” characters like data who is seen very much as the successor to spock does have one kind of huge difference like hes extremely focused on being “human“ which again is part of that weird tension like why is a normative human experience something everyone should strive for like its always a bit of a push and pull because of course he is a wonderful character and people accept him for his many differences but its still back to the weird issues with how spock was treated and the implications about how they define human and so on especially in like a world with so many different aliens i think odo has maybe the best handling of the tension that he really has no interest in being a humanoid and his arguments with quark dont really frame quark like hes correct the way it can feel with like mccoy or neelix’s needling of spock or tuvok that like oh it might not be nice but yeah maybe they should be more emotional and that quark is also quite alien so theres more of a balance i suppose... voyager is definitely where it gets super weird the doctor definitely fits into the “outsider” character type but he also again super focused on like normative human interests and so on but also is part of pushing seven of nine to act in certain ways and especially around his ideas of womanhood that she should try out and the way that neelix constantly bothers tuvok and keeps implying tuvok should be more normal and emotional and like the narrative framing really does often seem to take neelix’s side which is so baffling because tuvok is literally the most well adjusted at peace with himself vulcan we have ever seen so the implication is just like ok so not conforming to human norms of emotional expression is the problem and seven of nine again it all comes up against this whole is the character “human” or not and since she was born a human there are all these specific things she should just want to do or ways she should want to be without like ever actually seeing like does she want this? why is there only one model of what she should aspire to be idk like its very complex because its also not like most of these characters ever do change the way they either may want to or others want them to and the stories always do leave so much room for them to be so different and does often celebrate that but idk theres just sometimes a strange subtext i do always think about the tng episode tin man though where it both offers hints at like neurodivergence in other aliens with tams like extreme telepathic abilities causing like constant sensory overload and the way he befriends data and they both celebrate and appreciate each other and the whole episode is about like tam finding a way to live that may be different from most but provides him with peace and lifelong companionship with the living ship

[weirdmageddon]

(dont rb) so i might be thinking im nonbinary

i was talking with my mom yesterday about the rate of nb and trans people in individuals with autism and she sees a LOT of it where she works, she read a lot about it the night before actually and sent me a few studies

on twitter i wrote:

even though im cis ive had an uncanny ability to just understand gender as well as nonbinary and trans individuals do, as if i wasnt cis..like obviously, being cis, i dont experience stigma of being non-cis but i understand gender conceptually the same as they do because i feel super in tune with how they describe it and i think this is because im autistic. and gender/gender roles are societal and social constructs.

and i then asked on twitter how do i tell if i’m nonbinary and the truth is there’s no clear-cut answer but i still want to know....where does the fine distinction lie between nonbinary and cisness...where does it change?

if i am nonbinary, i dont have any dysphoria (and i know you dont need dysphoria to be nb or trans). im fine with she/her pronouns and my name being sara. i dont care for dressing feminine but i dont despise it either, it its more of a sensory problem so i just wear t-shirts and pants all the time. but i dont think i’d wear feminine clothing even if i didnt have sensory problems (which is kinda hard to imagine since autism is such a big part of my life that this stuff is sorta ingrained) just because i like the tshirt pants vibe better.

i just always felt a “whatever” about my gender. i never felt the need to present like a girl, i just sort of am..but its not super important that i be a textbook girl. i dont want to be refered to as a boy tho because i feel more in line with my womanhood, but just not society’s idea of it. btw ive always seen my body parts/gametes as being completely separate from my identity. ive never been dysphoric about them but i just always felt that they were insignificant in terms of my identity. my identity is more “me (girl)” than “girl (society expectations and everything that comes with womanhood from hormones to caring for children and having certain attitudes and “girlfriends” that arent romantic)

so basicaly im girl (my idea of it for myself).. and my question is is all of this nonbinary or just a variation of cis experience?

thing is i would feel weird coming into a place with marginalized people when ive identified as cis my whole life it would feel like im only standing in shallow water of a 14 foot pool. because i could easily pass for cis still if im comfortable with my body and my name and pronouns are still “female” aligned. when im in group of people i feel like i can speak for them but in this case if i started to identify with the nonbinary label i still would feel like im talking over other nb people who are further from the binary than i am. i dont even know what label i would have. demigirl? idk

[army-of-mai-lovers]

Re: misogyny in atla fandom post. I’m a butch/gnc woman and there’s so few representation for women like me. I really relate to toph and admire her for being androgynous and masculine but still being a woman. She shows that there’s no “wrong” way to be a woman and that you can reject gendered expectations and still be female. She’s the only character I’ve ever been able to relate to for this. I feel like it’s kind of misogynistic when people HC her as a trans guy or non binary with they/them pronouns. I’m all for HCing characters as trans, but with toph it feels weird.

She’s constrained by the expectations put upon her for being a girl in a patriarchal society and also being disabled, and how those two intersect. But her acceptance of being disabled & and a girl and breaking the stereotypes pushed upon her for those facets of her identity is the whole point! And as a disabled gnc woman, I feel like stripping her of her womanhood bc she’s masculine/androgynous is the same as stripping her of her disability because she’s strong. Idk

This is a really interesting perspective, anon! Outside of tumblr, I’m a prospective gender studies minor, and in my gender studies classes we have this practice called situating. Basically, I explain who I am, so you know where I’m coming from. Esp wrt things like race, gender, and sexuality, you can read and learn and listen to other people, but you’ll only ever truly know your own experience, and it’s important for people to know that’s where your perspective on a certain debate is coming from. So, hi, I’m Arthur, I’m an afab nonbinary person who uses they/them pronouns, my gender expression is very much in a period of flux because I don’t have the ability to socially or medically transition as much as I’d like, so, at least for right now, most people interpret me as a sometimes gnc cis woman. Because I’m most often interpreted as a cis girl, even though that is not who I am at all, I experience misogyny, and that is unfortunately part of my trans experience. That doesn’t give me the authority to speak over women at all, but I do think it was a large part of me noticing the misogyny in this fandom and deciding to write what I did (and I’m so glad it resonated with you!) All of that colors the way I view gnc characters, as well as trans/nonbinary characters, and misogyny, within fandom and without. 

So, now that you understand where my thoughts are coming from, here they are. I definitely think it’s transphobic to hc Toph as a trans guy if you are not transmasc yourself. I’ve never seen trans guy hcs for Toph, but the idea of cis ppl equating this canonically cis girl character to someone who is unequivocally, indisputably, a guy, makes me super uncomfy. If there’s a trans guy out there who really relates to Toph and wants to create and develop that hc in a way that works for you, be my guest, but I do not have the authority or the desire to make trans guy Toph hcs. 

As for the nonbinary thing... I will admit, they/them Toph hcs make me feel seen, probably the same way you feel seen by Toph as an unapologetically androgynous/masculine cis girl. I answered some asks a couple weeks ago about lesbian hcs, and in that I talked about how since both lesbians and bi girls are underrepresented in media, hcs that might make one group feel seen and valued are gonna make another group feel erased, and I’m not really sure how to resolve that. The same goes for hcs around androgynous afab characters: butch women and afab* nby folks have so little representation that hcs that make one group feel seen are going to make another group feel erased. As a afab nonbinary person who uses they/them pronouns, who has never connected with any concept of womanhood despite sometimes having a pretty femme gender expression, I do relate to Toph a whole lot. I’ve also had to navigate (and am still navigating!) a minefield of gendered expectations in a patriarchal society, and talking and listening to and reading about other trans people, it seems to be a pretty integral part of the trans experience (not that there is one sole trans experience, we’re all very different, but that’s a topic for another time). The gender binary is, after all, a central feature of Western white supremacist patriarchal constructions of gender, and if you deviate in any way, whether it’s through being gender nonconforming, or through being trans/nonbinary, you’re probably going to have to fight really hard to exist and survive and feel confident in your body and your expression, because society is constantly sending you the message that you are deviant and thus not worthy. And it’s nice to think of your favorite character as having some of the same experiences you do. 

I will say, I see they/them Toph headcanons more often than I see they/them Katara or they/them Yue, and I’d encourage people to really dig deep and think about why they’re more comfortable hcing an androgynous character as being nonbinary than they would be a more obviously feminine character (especially since nonbinary folk come in all gender expressions). I also would just love to see more transfem hcs! People for whatever reason seem way more comfortable hcing male characters as trans guys than they do hcing female characters as trans girls (and the reason is transmisogyny--Mae @transtenzin made a post about this a couple months ago about how most transfem atla hcs are characters like Smellerbee, while transmasc hcs can center around more major characters like Zuko or Sokka--a wonderful post that I would link to if tumblr’s search function weren’t absolute shit.) 

But at the end of the day, I am going to have to disagree with you on thinking of nonbinary Toph hcs as misogynistic, because I know as a disabled afab nonbinary person myself, I’ve dealt with a lot of the same struggles that Toph deals with in the show, and I’m sure there are a lot of other afab nonbinary folks who feel the same way. However, I understand feeling frustrated by people hcing a canonically androgynous female character as nonbinary. I hope what I’ve said here can offer you a little insight into the other side of this, and I so appreciate you offering me insight into your side. 

Another thing to note: while I haven’t seen trans guy Toph hcs, I have seen people hc Toph as a he/him lesbian. He/him lesbians are of course a valued part of our community, and I applaud any and all he/him lesbian Toph hcs. Pronouns =/= gender. 

Tl;dr don’t hc Toph as a trans guy unless you are a trans guy and even then I would tread lightly, gender and transness and representation is complicated and I’m not entirely sure how to resolve conflicts between different groups of marginalized people who are trying to find rep in opposing hcs of the same character, and imo hcing Toph as nonbinary is not misogynistic (but my opinion is not the final word on any subject!) Also, we stan he/him lesbians. 

*amab nby folks of course also receive very little rep, probably even less than afab nby folks, and that is a very important conversation to have, but seeing as 1) this ask was about hcs for an afab character, and 2) I am not amab and therefore very unqualified to lead a conversation about hcing certain characters as amab or the larger field of amab nby rep, I thought it best to focus on afab nonbinary people in this post. 

[nossbean]

Myrcella / Sansa Anon Here: Like Jaime and Brienne are both Beauty and the Beast, Myrcella and Sansa have the potential to be both Cinderella and the Prince/Knight. Myrcella a bastard disguised as a Princess and Sansa is a Princess disguises as a bastard. When the Starks fell, the old man could have written Myrcella as one of Sansa’s Protectors since she knows how to survive Cersei while when the Lannister’s fell from power, Sansa would give Myrcella a home. For cherry on top, Myrcella could 1/2

2/2 inherit Jaime’s sword skills and her desire to pursue that could be a way to escape being her mother’s mini-me, only valued for her looks, and toxic family as well as an attempt to gain some control over her life. I had more articulate thoughts on this but I wrote them down somewhere I can’t recall. In canon, you already have Arianne set up for the fairy godmother role and Brienne as a subversion of the typical stepmother. Either way, less creepy than any potential in-canon Sansa ships.

Honestly, anon, you persuaded me with these first two, but the absolute joy is that you came through with even more! I do wanna quickly say though that I support folx shipping who they ship and in whatsoever way brings joy, we’re all here for the love of the characters and the story after all <3

I am as ever at the moment, very late to the party, but I’m so glad you came back to share all this! A lot of what you’ve said by way of potentials has lived rent free in my head. I’m very into the fairy tale elements you’re describing (particularly noting Arianne as fairy godmother, and Brienne as a subversion of the typical (boring, sexist) fairy tale stepmother...!) and the incorporation of major themes that could be present in Myrcella’s arc (I’m poss wearing my clown shoes, etc, but I do think there’s a chance some of those could come to bear in the remaining books, with or without Sansa, so let’s hope) Your note about Myrcella inheriting Jaime’s sword skills set off a different thought in my head, that it would be interesting for her to instead pick up a lot of the knight’s code and utilizing it to her whims and needs, though without the fighting/sword skills element. There’s resonance and balancing there, then, with parts of Sansa’s arc, and also with themes in Brienne’s arc, and is again, a repudiation of much of what Cersei (and Joffrey) thinks and believes. Though am also very much here for more sword wielding ladies.

Anyway, onwards with the rest of your Sansa/Myrcella galaxy-braining:

Also, we know Myrcella wasn’t scared of Joffrey so we could have had Myrcella getting in his face to defend Sansa and having a tense stand-off. Plus, it would be a more explicit sign of Jaime and Cersei not being soulmates and gender swapped mirrors as the cruel and cowardly Joffrey being Cersei if she was a boy and brave and clever would be Jaime as a girl.

ANON. I am SO INTO playing with aligning Cersei with Joffrey and Jaime with Myrcella explicitly! It definitely could be there for the taking (that note about where did Myrcella and Tommen get their sweetness, I WONDER) but whether GRRM will take it... Things seem to be pointing Tommen-ward atm when it comes to possibilities with Jaime and his children, which is, idk, to be expected to a degree I guess. BUT ALSO, as is on the record, I’d really rather a sharp veer towards Myrcella instead (Tommen can come too I guess but centring Myrcella would be grand)

And also just: a Myrcella who takes on her brother (and by extension, Cersei) *on behalf* of Sansa would have been fucking incredible, and would absolutely have been particularly satisfying for the resonance it would have for Jaime’s later arc. And there’s every possibility Myrcella could have stood up for Sansa, or even if we frame it more as “against Joffrey”, at least at first. Also what you describe as being possible later by way of role reversal of who protects who, yes thank you please. Deeply into how that shapes Lannister-Stark relations and also honestly the potential impact on LSH storylines, in the event Sansa meets LSH in around the same time Brienne and Jaime are confronting her (I mean, that would substantially alter the timelines, possibly, but still!) 

Also ALSO, Sansa being sapphic would better show the limits societal scripts have a person’s perceptions, agency, and ability to connect with others since her character is so influenced by storytelling, imagination, and societal roles. It would also expand her understanding of womanhood and femininity, paving the way to reconcile with Arya.

Into this, as well! Don’t really have much more to say than that, really XD Oh, only that Sapphic Sansa is very satisfying to say, hehe. Anon, I ask if you’ve read this excellent meta about Sansa? It’s a long read but a good one. 

admittedly, Myrcella did luck out with getting the sweet, age appropriate, and non-creepy Trystane Martell as her canon love interest.

My cynical take here is that it isn’t coincidence that Myrcella lucked out with Trystane being sweet and being part of a family who (mostly?) wants her safe and happy not just because of her proximity to the Iron Throne but for her own sake, only to be almost certain to lose him, heh.

Sansa/Myrcella it could be about forgiveness, chosen families, breaking the cycles of violence and revenge, hope for the future, the importance of female solidarity, re-writing the future to include everyone.

Just here to say I am a sucker for each and every one of these themes, thank you.

Physical doubling is another shared feature of both Myrcella and Sansa’s stories. Everyone comments on how much Sansa looks like her mom and Littlefinger plans to unveil her identity using her red hair. Myrcella also looks like her mom and has a double in her cousin. Both are hurt and almost killed while in care of someone they should trust, Myrcella during the Queenmaker plot and Sansa with her Aunt Lysa.

Sansa’s themes of identity, self-preservation, perception, longing for something beyond your childhood home, the power and consequences of shaping stories through truth and lies can easily be mapped onto Myrcella.

Your Jaime and Myrcella post reawakened my dormant interest in Myrcella and Sansa, since Jaime is tasked with returning Sansa.

Again, mostly am just here for all this, particularly the potential theme sharing and how they could help one another through 😍🤩

Reading all this, I feel like you hit on one of the major things that GRRM fails with on the regular in ASOIAF, which is that women and girls... often like one another? Even when they’re, like, different from one another? 😱😱😱 And even if he didn’t want to pursue a shippy route, to your earlier point, there was plenty of room for friendship and solidarity between Sansa and Myrcella when they were both in KL, even with Myrcella being younger. There could be an added element wherein Myrcella goes behind Cersei’s back somewhat to do this, given Cersei would undoubtedly put the kibosh on it had she been aware - which again, would have had resonance later for that Jaime and Myrcella mirroring angle. Buuut that would require GRRM to recognize the power of relationships between girls and women, and I admit I remain stuck on the idea that apparently no woman or girl in Brienne’s life ever did anything but mock/deride her until Catelyn came along. I invite you to imagine that a small part of my soul is always howling to the heavens: NO ONE????????? (though this is, happily, an easily retconned detail, so my clown nose is honking that there may be even a throwaway note about some girl or woman in Brienne’s past in Winds, anyway, I digress)

I DUNNO, I’m trying to, like, contribute to this excellence but mostly I’m just picking up everything you’re putting down...! 

And finally:

I don’t have a Tumblr, though I enjoy reading fic and people’s meta, so I forgot I sent that ask to be honest, haha.

Again, I’m sorry for how very, very late here, but I am so very glad you did...!!!!

[hurlumerlu]

You already know who ;) Cad, Molly and Nott ?

Get ready for a novel !

Caduceus :D

Sexuality Headcanon : That man is G.A.Y. I’m hesitant to put him somewhere on the ace spectrum because I’m not ace myself and I feel like headcanoning sheltered, soft, slightly “weird” characters as ace comes with a lot of bagages (and there’s also fandom’s history of treating gay sex as icky/weird/not pure enough) but I’m drawn to that headcanon nonetheless. Gender Headcanon : He’s not super aware of his own gender, but if you actually ask him he would identify as a man. After a very longue pause. And he would probably thinks it’s kinda rude of you to ask. A ship I have with said character : I low-key ship everyone (but Beau) with him. He just has this very easygoing chemistry with pretty much everyone ? Except with Nott but I can see the two of them in a trouple with Yeza (they’re not sure how they got there ? but it works ?). But like who am I kidding, we all know I’m super into Fjord/Caduceus. The care ! The respect ! The awkwardness ! This is going to devolve into a Fjord/Caduceus manifesto so I’ll stop there. BROTP I have with said character : God squad ! The dynamic between Caduceus, Jester and Yasha is amazing, very tender  and supportive but also extremely fertile ground for wacky shenanigans, they straight up don’t speak the same language, I love them. I’m also very curious to see more interraction between him and Beau, partly because I love the way Taliesin and Marisha play off each other, but also partly because Cad’s very supportive of Beau and she seems a bit... distant ? with him ? idk I may be imagining things. A NOTP I have with said character : not really ? I mean Beau’s a lesbian so that would be a big no, but I’ve never seen people shipping them so it’s very theoretical. A random headcanon : He was the kind of kid who raises all sort of “gross” pets growing up. Spiders, snails, cockroaches... he loved them all, but he only kept his beetles. General Opinion over said character : I loved him from his very first sentence and that love have only grown so far ? I’m always a bit wary around very religious characters but with Cad it’s an interesting kind of nervousness rather than a dealbreaker or even a real downside of him. I like that we have completely different viewpoints ! I love how genuinely nice and supportive he is, I love when he does cryptid-level shit, I love his incredible ability to just go with the flow, I love when he gets snide (”sleep well with your bad decisions”) and I just love how well he fits within the Nein (poor dude had a rough start, they really didn’t appreciate him enough at first). I hope he’s going in a direction where he’ll feel more comfortable being cared for (rather than always being the one taking care of), but if he’s not I won’t be disapointed. I hope we also get more angry Caduceus, because that was sexy badass.

Molly :D

Sexuality Headcanon : Bi ! Gender Headcanon : Well he’s canonically nonbinary but I feel like he’s specifically interested in gender as something to subvert. A ship I have with said character : I was slowly getting into Molly/Fjord (I’m not sure they would have managed to encourage the best in each other but they would have been a very fun and hot couple). But, well, RIP. A BROTP I have with said character : Molly and Yashaaaaaaaa T-T. Also Beau and Molly’s relationship was fucking amazing, I still miss it. A NOTP I have with said character : Not really ? Though again, Beau/Molly would piss me off but I haven’t seen that pairing either. A random headcanon : He hasn’t actually had that much sex or many different partners, people just kinda assumed and since most of them seemed to disaprove, he leaned into it. General Opinion over said character : I love how messy and complex he was ! He could have been your usual cliche of a person who perform for a living (vain ! good liars ! egotistic !) but instead was very close in personnality to a lot of performers I actually met (pretending to be vain for fun and because everyone assumes already, lying=/=acting, very community minded because everyone has to pull their weight if you actually want to succeed). His weird relationship with his body/past was also both relatable and strange enough to be extremely engaging and his flaws made him very entertaining, also I think of the scene after the fight with the Manticore where he chats amiably with a bartender and only after that has a quiet mental breakdown over his drink at least once a week. I want to know more about his backstory soooooooo badly.

Nott :D

Sexuality Headcanon : As much as riot’s Beau/Nott headcanon does things for me, I must face the truth : in canon, Nott is incurably straight. Gender Headcanon : Clearly her womanhood is very important to her, but I don’t think she has the healthiest view of what being a woman entail. I just want her to be happy and not constantly doubting her worth T-T A ship I have with said character : Nott/Caleb, Nott/Yeza, Caleb/Nott/Yeza, Nott/Beau and my little crackship Nott/Yeza/Caduceus (and also Nott/Yasha is good, actually ?) A BROTP I have with said character : Caleb was the founder of the Nott stanning club, which demonstrates his good taste and perceptiveness. I also think the various revelations that came along the story made their relationship much less unbalanced and codependant, and thus stronger. But I’m also very partial to Jester and Nott’s friendship. They’re hilarious and sweet, and putting Laura and Sam next to each other was a stroke of genius. A NOTP I have with said character : uH... Nott/Yeza if it means Nott stops adventuring, I’m just not(t) ready for that. But other than that, I don’t have one A random headcanon : I’ve already written this one but like... if something she’s reading makes her feel too much feels she just. straight up it eat. She’s been like that since childhood. General Opinion over said character : ugh... she’s so good... she’s just a walking whirpool of contradictions, if walking whirlpools of contradictions were extremely smart and scientifically minded and fiercely protective of a chosen few people. I was ambivalent on the whole polymorph thing because i really, really love goblins (and have mixed feelings about my love for goblins, but let’s no go there tonight) but I love that she’s still her weird, abbrasive self. Also her design is fucking great. I really want to see her conflict between her desire to keep adventuring and her belief that she should just want to go back to her old life being explored even more than it already has, but if she does stop adventuring I will be heartbroken, I love her so much. EDIT because I was tired but I can’t believe I didn’t mention her voice, it’s so good ! Probably the first thing I loved about her.

thanks <3 <3 <3

[antiqua-lugar]

my “fuck you” to mulan2020

(Btw I obviously did not pay to see this shit, support hongkong protesters and boycott disney) (Also I call qi/chi “magical powers” because this is what this movie thinks it is)

Note: I know this movie is important to people of all gender and gender expression, this is my take as a cis gnc woman/a cis woman who is not feminine and relates to Mulan in that way. I can see how trans readings of both movies might wildily different from mine and I look forward to them. TERF DON’T INTERACT I REALLY DON’T WANT YOUR BULLSHIT TAKE ON WOMANHOOD Anyway, my “fuck you” to mulan2020 is how it’s all about gender essentialism and that’s why we get the stupidest power girl moment eva and actually this movie tries to be so GIRLPOWAH that it’s actually super sexist.

Wait, what?

To explain this I will deconstruct the Stupidest GIRLPOWAH Ever, i.e. when Mulan decides to Stop Living a Lie TM and come out to the whole army, with flowing hair and a pretty dress. There are Three Things that make this moment The Worst:

1) Rebel Girl TM vs Normal Girl (Which Could Be You!) 

In mulan2020 #GIRLBOSS the whole plot centers around her gender (in a very stupid way). Mulan has the best MAGIC POWERS but unfortunately she’s a woman so she has to shut up and get marry or embrace her MAGIC POWERS and be seen as a Witch and shunned way.To explain this, they introduced a super cool female character... except she’s actually a witch with magic powers while Mulan is just good at kicking things. Why? Why aren’t all the men with MAGIC POWERS also turning into birds and donning kick ass make up? We just don’t know.The fact that she’s a woman is so important that it givers her womanangst for the whole movie because OMG SHE’S LYING. The Witch only shows up to tell her to come out (so they can be lesbians together? Idk honestly). Mulan2020 is about how Women Can’t But Mulan Can (Because She Has MAGIC POWERS). 

In Mulan, the whole plot centers around how she decided to take a risk for her family and she’s working her ass off to suceed also for herself AND how she has to hide gender identity because women aren’t allowed in teh army. She is not a Rebel Girl TM tragically shunned, she’s a normal girl (LIKE YOU!) who is trying  to do what her society and her family thinks she should do, except she can’t. The point of the movie is not that girls can kick things but that girls don’t need to perform womanhood according to society standard, and that’s okay because this standards are bullshit anyway and it’s better to be true to yourself not just for you, but for the world. The world is missing out by not having the real you (and your country could be invaded!)

2) Men As Tropes

The writing of the Mulan2020 is not that great so maybe that’s why, but all the men in this movie are just tropes.Dad, Army Dad, Hot Guy, Emperor, Friend #1, Friend #2. Friend#3. This would be bad in any movie but especially inan adaptation of Mulan. When she joins the army, she finds not only herself but also The Other and realises that they are not that Other after all. Mulan and her friends go through the same struggles, get strong together (Mulan is just better at it) and A Girl Worth Fighting For goes hand in hand with Honour to Us All : gender expectations affect everyone even if in different ways,shape the way they define hemselves and men and women, by not interacting much, have weird ideas about each other. It’s somewhat bizarre to see the Matchmaker ask Mulan to recite virtues while also seeing Yao claiming that women will fall for his muscles and Po only caring about heir cooking abilities. It’s not perfect by any means, but it asks questions and humanizes the characters. Even Shang is not a perfect  - he struggles and makes do like everyone else despite his physical prowess and kickass abilities.

The men in Mulan2002 are not written as people but as men in contrast to a woman, so they are allowed zero nuances. Hot Guy is Mulan’ love interest, so all their interactions are marked as such and no conversation is allowed unless it has some ridicous moment in it. Friend #1, Friend #2 and Friend #3 are Male Friends so they talk once about women and then she promises she will protect them all Because She’s Super Special. That’s it. They are also not allowed to have the crossdressing bit because Disney thinks China won’t like it, so even that tiny bit of “Mulan’s friends say fuck gender roles” is lost and they fight offscreen in a hole.

The men in Mulan2020 don’t stand as people, they stend for Men TM who need to be taught a lesson about how Women Can Also Kick Ass - except that Mulan can kick ass because she’s a SUPER SPECIAL WOMAN while her sister just got matched to a guy who is not afraid of spiders, woooo! Go Feminism! So gender is real, men and women are that different, unless they have magical powers. 

3) Being a Woman Wrong

The Big GIRLPOWAH move in this movie is Mulan riding into battle with long hair flowing in the wind after fashioning herself a dress.  She does so by throwing off her armour. While in battle. Because a bird witch told her that she needs to ACCEPT HER GENDER, GODDAMIT so Mulan runs off to tell the army that she’s a woman.

And women have pretty hair flowing in the wind, wear dresses and make impratical clothes choices just to look good. Aren’t you being too harsh?

When Mulan comes back to the army, she just begs them to listen while Hot Guy is the one to say “You believed Ping, why don’t you believe Mulan?” because Women Beg and Men Point Out Uncomfortable Truths.

Also Mulan gets a new sword where everything she did is branded as “Family Devotion” because women’s acts need to be contextualised as being done for The Right Feminine Reason.

Also IF YOU TELL MULAN TO ACT AS A WOMAN AND THE FIRST THING SHE DOES IS PUT ON A PRETTY DRESS, WHY DO YOU EXPECT ME TO NOT BELIEVE THAT THIS IS YOUR WHOLE IDEA OF WOMANHOOD. 

Fuck you, Mulan2020

for the“but femininity and female power” crowd: Disney movies where feminity is power has been done since Cinderella, Mulan2020 is just sexist

[cowboyjen68]

hi, im an almost 17 year old butch lesbian and i just now got my first period (i have a ton of cysts, i thought i wasnt going to get it at all) and my dysphoria & anxiety & general bad feelings about myself have skyrocketed... do you have any advice for how to handle this? idk why its such a big deal to me, im really scared of getting pregnant so i guess thats part of it, but i just feel gross and like i would rather be a boy. sorry to bother you, hope youre having a good day/night 💙

FIRSTLY: You are NEVER bothering me.. not ever. I am happy this platform has given me a way to  be here and available. I have lived your story.. or at least part of it. 

My period came at 16. It was the summer and I was helping to tutor a younger neighbor.. I hadn’t felt well all day. I went to the bathroom and something didn’t feel right. My mom had talked to me about this moment. but something didn’t feel right. You know the excuse I gave as a scrambled away from the lesson? I told a very stunned mom and child that I “had forgotten to feed the ducks and needed to get right home”.. It was summer.. we didn’t even feed the ducks., they eat bugs. But I walked the half a mile home.. feeling my legs get sticky and my jeans clinging to me. Was it sweat.. was it blood.. “ AT home I pulled the pads mom had put in the closet for me. They were big and hot and bulky and didn’t stay in my cotton underwear. I “called in sick” to life for 3 days. My best friend started too and we comforted each other. Mom had said we would “sync” up.. I didn’t believe her. IT was my first taste of the power of the female body. 

Enough on my story… I am not going to feed you with a line of bullshit.. women’s bodies are great.. it is just doing it’s job, blah blah.. OR THE WORST FUCKING THING YOU WILL OR HAVE BEEN TOLD: “Now you are a woman and you can make/have babies.”. Holy FUCKING CHRIST I honestly don’t have a mean bone in my body but I would like to body slam people who tell that to girls starting their period. Your body is not a baby making machine..yes that is a function, or can be, but your body is yours and worthy of value to you no matter your ability or desire to have a baby. 

Your period is a natural a part of you.. and don’t listen to all the bullshit about it being dirty or what ever they say. Yes it is uncomforable and a pain.. you feel bloated and crampy.. and the period Poops are a force to be reckoned with. BUT like my mom told me.. better a period 5 days a month that always having a penis and balls sticking to you thighs in the heat or shrivling to raisins in the cold. Her point was NOT to demean men. She loved my dad. Her point was both sexes have their own body issues to contend with and one is NOT better than the other. 

A few things you can do.. get tampons and, if you can afford them Period pants. Buy some Boy shorts either from the girls or boys section. Practice with tampons to get the placement right and be comfortble. There are instructions on the tampons on the box. Or ask a trusted adult. 

LIsten to your body.. if you feel like you need to change your pad or tampon do so. People can fucking wait … whereever you are.

 Keep extra pants and underwear and a baggie of wet wipes in your locker, car or back pack.. just in case.. sweats are less bulky than jeans. Wear dark pants, black jeans. I  never learned this until adulthood so i spend a SHIT TON of time with my London Fog spring cost tied around my waist to hit the stains on my pants.

Heating pads on your belly help. Tylenol or advil will help. Drink water or gatorade.. stay hydrated. 

DO NOT be ashamed. Your body is functioning like it should and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You are butch but do not think it lessens your butchness. Being butch is a part of your femaleness, your womanhood and so is your period. 

SInce you have cysts I would talk to your dr about removal or treatment. Birth control can help regulate your flow, ease the pain and even stop the period if you wish. Planned Parenthood can help you if you don’t have a dr you can trust. 

You are not gross… I know if feels gross. .. but I am a lesbain who loves women.. I love the female body.. I have the unoffical certification to tell you.. you are anything but gross. Your body, period or not, is wonderful and can bring pleasure to you and your partner, should you find one you want to be with. 

Being female is unique and powerful and being a same sex attrated female is the best gift i have been given .All the periods in the world are worth it to be a woman who can connect with other women..emotionally, physically and intellectually, You have a gift and it will be worth the cramps and bleeded when you start to bond with other females, as friends or lovers.Trust me on this.. I am NOT bullshitting you. 

If you need advice.. have questions (nothng is TMI) or just want to talk.. my DM’s  are always open.

I can’t know who you are.. nor your exact circumstances.. but I care. We share a common body experience. We share period particulars.. (at 51 mine came back strong because I work with two 21 years olds and my body apparently missed bleeding every 28 days… so back at it )We share orientation. We share attraction to the females form. We also share (or did ) the fear, dread, hate and disgust with our bodies and period. It does go away. You do gain the confidence to be okay being you.. period or not. 

Also..it is a big deal to almost all of us.. we aren’t given any confidence, good information or support to deal with periods. You ARE NOT ALONE> 

[akamaiden]

“You have a nice butt, Sir”

A/N: Well, this is just me writing something for my beautiful angel @stanclub 💕 This wasn't exactly requested but we all should take a moment to appreciate Steve's butt. Also a big thanks to @tropicalcap I was stuck into this fic and thanks to her playlist I found the inspo to write it. Go follow both Amanda and Gigi you won't regret! 💕🌺

Gif belongs to: @captainamerica1-6

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader.

Warnings: Steve's butt (trust me this is a HUGE warning). This was supposed to be a lazy morning sex and turned into a rough sex with a clear Dom!Steve, idk what happened lmao

Words: 2,065.

You wake up but different from the other times you don't find his side of the bed cold. You brush your eyes, forcing yourself to wake up definitely. You grab a cup of water that's always on your nightstand, another one of his many exigencies.

“You need to he hydrated, m'love. Drink more water, c'mon”

You drink a sip of the water and then lay down on the bed, turning to him that is sleeping so peacefully.

You smile again seeing that you took your blanket – the one you were suppose to share with him – all to yourself.

But he doesn't seem to care, though. One lock of his beautiful, soft and blond hair falls over the most beautiful eyes you ever saw. His eyes.

You're staring and you know it. But is there a way to not stare when it comes to him?

Your admiring gaze falls over his pink plump lips. God, you love to kiss him. The simple acts lights a fire inside you.

Those broad shoulders and strong arms. You love when they're wrapped around you. People always say that “home is where your heart is” and you just understood that, in its entire meaning, when you met him.

And it was just like this that you met. He came from nowhere save you from your certain death. He wrapped one arm around you, while the other held his shield high.

Cliche? Well, it was extremely cliche. But in the moment when your gazes met you knew that the cliche was left far behind. You almost heard the click when your eyes met those cerulean blue eyes. It was like the world stopped for a moment, just for the two of you.

“You–” you two said in unison.

He chuckled and you blushed.

“You should go to the shore,” he said.

“Yeah, I-i... Thanks,” you said and started running away from him, following his order. Following Captain America's order.

Steve shifts on his place and let out something between a groan and and a hum.

You freeze, you don't want him to wake up now. If he didn't wake up to his usual run with Sam, you don't want him to wake up so soon.

Your eyes continue their expedition on his body, admiring his back and then look at his butt. God, his butt. You wanted to slap it, to palm it, to caress it. You have a huge thing for butts, but thanks to Steve your kink – if this can be considered like one – was in a whole new level.

But obviously you never told him and don't plan to do it, like ever. You want to bury yourself in the deepest hole just by thinking in tell to Steve Rogers a.k.a. Captain Fucking America that you have a weak spot for butts and specially his butt.

“You're staring,” he says.

And remember that hole? You want him to swallow you down right now.

“S-steve, I-i didn't–”

“I'm just not sure what exactly you were staring at,” he says interrupting you.

You feel deep inside your bones that he's 100% sure that you were looking at his butt, but he wants you to say it out loud.

“Your butt,” you say shrugging but your voice doesn't sound so confident like your posture.

“Yeah, sure,” he says getting closer to you, wrapping his left arm around your waist, pressing your bodies together.

You feel your heart hammering your chest and the worst is that he can literally hears its beating. You blush wildly and avoid his intense gaze.

He chuckled before saying, “Can you give me one cup of water? I'm kinda thirsty.”

When you hear his words, especially thirsty, you press your thighs together because suddenly a pool of arousal is settling in your womanhood. And he probably knows that too.

You swallow dry trying to undo the knot formed in your throat before saying “If you excuse me.”

He smirks and let you get out of his embrace to hold him the cup of water he was saying he needed.

Steve drinks the water in silence and you use this distraction to got to the bathroom and do your morning routine and try to ignore this awkward and embarrassing situation.

Once you're back in the room Steve stands up and go to the bathroom as well, but he doesn't say anything, much to your relief.

When he's back you look at him about to ask why he didn't wake up to meet Sam like he does every common morning, but the words never come out from your lips because you simply lose the ability to form coherent phrases once you see his grey sweatpants hanging dangerously low on his hips. They weren't like that minutes before, right?

“You can't keep running away from me, sweetheart,” he says in a low and deep voice.

“What you're talking a–”

“No, don't even try. It's okay... Now I know that I was wasting my time being sweet to you, holding back, ya know?” he interrupts you.

Part of you is happy to hear such things but the other part? Is definitely scared with this sudden change in his behavior. But you also can't deny that his dominant side excites you in one blink of an eye. So why not give it a try?

“Now why don't you make up for the lost time?” you suggest.

“Oh trust me, sweetheart. I'll make up for it,” he says while doing his way towards you slowly, so damn slowly, but his gaze... Well, his blue eyes are now darker, pupils dilated. The look in his eyes is saying nothing but desire, passion and lust. So much lust.

“Well, I–” and then his mouth covers your, muffing your words with an eager kiss. That is summarized in teeth, tongues and moans.

His body is covering yours, pressing your body with his own that is all muscles. You let your hands wandering around his neck, his shoulders and waist. You caress, scratch, palm, press and pull him even closer.

Steve's right hand is in your neck, not choking, it's just there firmly, but not enough to cut your breath. And then his hand moves to the back of your neck, makes its way upwards and pull your hair, making you break the kiss. His grip is firm, it's enough to make you arch your body a little, exposing your neck to him.

“Ah! Steve,” you say panting, out of breath, maybe because of the kiss or because the hair pulling.

He ignores you, keeps sucking at your pulsing point, making sure to leave evidences of what's about to happen. He bites your neck, lick at it. The only thing that makes him stop, for a fraction of second is the noises he lets out when you're digging your nails in his skin.

“Are you trying to make me come just like this?” you stutter a little.

This makes him stop and he groans hearing the whining protest that fall from your lips when he does it so.

“If I wanted you to cum, you'd cum a hell earlier before. But since you're so fuckin' eager, we can skip some steps,” he says and rips your panties into pieces.

You gasp in surprise but following his lead, you try to get rid of your camisole. He almost tears his sweatpants apart to free his full erect cock. You moan only seeing the precum oozing from its tip.

“Do you want to suck my cock, don't you sweetheart?” he provokes you.

The way he says “sweetheart” makes you shiver. It's not sweet like he used to call you. It's filthy, and you love it.

You nod your head while licking your lips.

“Words, Y/N,” he demands and slaps your thighs.

You yelp in surprise but the sound quickly turns into a moan.

“Yes,” you almost purr.

“Yes, what?” he says nestling himself between your open legs. His fingers casually touching your excitement that wets your sex and sticks into the bedsheets.

You think for a second, what should you say? Captain? Sir? Daddy?

“Yes, I want to suck your cock. Please, Sir,” you try.

He smirks and guides the angry tip of his cock to your clit, which he starts circling it slowly but firmly.

“Let me make clear to you, sweetheart. You don't give the orders. Do you understand me?” he commands.

“Yeees. I-i am sorry, Sir,” you moan rolling your eyes shut.

“Not, you're not. But you'll be, sweetheart,” he says and before you can say something else he's inside you.

“Shit!” you yell.

“Language,” he mocks you and then lifts both of your legs and puts them supported on his left shoulder.

He doesn't move, though. He's waiting on you so he can starts thrusting into you.

“Please, Sir...” you moan.

You don't need to ask twice, he starts moving in and out of you, and this new position allows him to touch you in all the right places.

His hands grip at the soft skin of your legs firmly enough for you to get marks, but you're craving for it. You want him to mark you, no matter how.

“If I knew it,” he growls.

“Steve, I-i...” you want to talk that he was so deep into you, but so deep.

“That's not how I want to be called, sweetheart,” he snakes a hand through your body, touching the valley between your breasts lightly and before you can ask him, he wraps his right hand on your neck.

“Sir,” you purr.

“See? You know how to treat me darling,” he says.

Honestly you want to punch his ridiculously gorgeous face, but you don't find the strength to do it so. His thrusts are deep and hard, with the amount of pressure to make you tremble once he's filling you to the hilt.

“So fuckin' tight,” Steve says to no one in particular.

“Sir,” you moan desperately, biting your bottom lip, eyes roll shut, all the sensations overwhelming you.

“Wants to cum?” he asks when he feels your pussy clenching around him.

You nod, incapable of saying much more.

“Open your eyes,”

It's an order. A clear order that brings you back to earth, because you're clearly too busy focusing in not to cum. You want to wait for him.

“Please,” you moan once you find clouded blue eyes looking at you. Dark eyes drowned in lust.

“Please, what? Think you deserve to cum?” he asks and then his left hand finds your clit. Where he starts circling in a fast pace, matching his thrusts that make your body move.

“Please, Sir,” you beg shamelessly.

He chuckles and stops choking you so he can slap your thighs harshly. You let out something between a yell and a obscene moan.

“Cum for me, sweetheart,” he says involving your neck once again, squeezing it tightly, stealing your breath away.

This and one particular thrust right against your g-spot are everything you need to find your release. You guide your trembling hands to his butt. You palm, squeeze and scratch at it, bringing him even closer to your pulsing body.

Steve's arms find their way to your body, he hugs you while he growls and fill you with his hot cum.

He starts kissing you while you come back from your high. Once you're able to talk again he asks, “Did I hurt you?”

“No, of course no Stevie,” you say and kiss his neck.

“We should uh–”

“Do this before?” you ask nervously.

“Yeah, we should,” he says and kisses your hand.

Steve never thought that one day he'd find someone like you to share his life with, someone who he can count on blindly.

“I almost can here your thoughts, babe,” you say. 

He chuckles, “Sorry. I never imagined to meet someone like you.” 

“It's okay,” you hug him and continue “Can I say something?” He nods. 

“You have a nice butt, Sir,” you tease. 

“Thanks,” he says and you chuckle seeing his embarrassed expression. 

“Come, we need a bath,” you say before kissing him once again. 

“I think I can get used to wake up like this,” he says playfully. 

“You perv,” you say but Steve interrupts you before you can say something else. 

Now that he doesn't need to hold back anymore, he wants to show you a few things.

Tags: @ivarsshieldmadien @nothingeverdies @dangerousvikings @amour-quinn @deepdarkred @time-travel-bouqet @thisishowdynastiesareborn @feistybaby @lokigoddess

[disasterganes]

been thinkin about gender more. & sexuality & all that stuff. just some personal stuff that i want to put out into the world because i hate hiding who i am at this point in my life. 

you know i’m ?? so deeply grateful that pride exists. i’m so deeply grateful that people can share their stories and everyone gets a chance to be heard but also to listen and to consider things that they hadn’t before and -- idk. i just feel like some of the things i’ve been hearing and seeing and reading lately have really helped me come more to terms with who i am ?? first and foremost among them the fact that i’m not the only person still adjusting to labels and discovering themselves at twenty seven is like -- an incredible relief. i already feel so much pressure to hit certain milestones and have such intense fear that’s, yes, part of my anxiety disorder, but also stems from my complicated relationship with myself, my body, my identity. 

i’d never considered, until extremely recently, that the reason i’m so heavily triggered by the idea of having kids or other people having kids is because the heteronormativity terrifies me because i can’t and don’t want to fit into it. to me, personally, it’s this tangible marker of adhering to a lifestyle, a label, a life that i can’t access. i’m disabled, i’m gay (we’ll get to that), i don’t fit into the ideal mold that exemplifies western standards of beauty. i have always been on the outside -- alienated from my race, from friends, from my sexual identity, from the hallmarks of womanhood in a male-dominated society. i never had boyfriends, i never played the part of The Girl, and the recent pressure i’ve been feeling (mostly from family, but also the intense number of friends hitting more “stereotypical” milestones every single month that passes) to move into the next phase of my life -- it really stems from how alienated i have always, always, always felt throughout my life. 

this is N O T to say that ANY OF THIS IS REAL. logically and in my heart, of course queer folks can have families, and of course there’s no such thing as normal, stereotypical, that it’s all societally constructed. bisexuality, pansexuality, sexual fluidity -- all valid! hitting certain milestones is not invalidating of one’s queerness! 

the only person i hold to these archaic, misogynistic, and frankly homophobic standards to is myself. it’s so genuine and so easy to accept and love other people -- but i don’t know myself and i fall back on all the bullshit that i heard in my childhood -- my roman catholic italian family, my catholic school years, the fact that twenty seven years ago conversations like this weren’t happening, at least not in my neck of the woods. i repressed myself, deeply, throughout my whole life. i wasn’t honest and i wasn’t brave and because of that i didn’t open myself up to the idea of having a queer friend group, of those experiences. 

straightness and gayness has defined me my entire life. i didn’t like boys so i fixated on boys that didn’t like me so i wouldn’t be at fault when they ignored me, humiliated me in front of the school, got nasty with me, made fun of me. i picked bullies to give my heart to as a way of distancing myself from the responsibility of owning my complexities and standing up for my truths, since they would reject me anyway. i cried and panicked when i was thirteen and realized that my fantasies included girls. i went through puberty ignoring my body and my heart and played it as safe as possible. 

that is how i live my life: safe. i don’t take risks. i don’t move quickly. i don’t want because wanting means that you open yourself up to others wanting you, and being desired is more terrifying than being rejected. 

when i say i hate myself, it’s not that i hate the choices i make, things about my body or my personality. i hate BEING myself -- it’s like being trapped in a sarcophagus, being in this body and mind with everything that i’ve experienced. it’s confusing and terrifying and exhausting. i hate me, as a creature that lives, because it’s so damn hard to understand what or who i am, ever.

i alienated myself from womanhood because it didn’t fit the ideal that my mother had planned for me. (and she supports me, has never threatened to kick me out, doesn’t hate me, but it doesn’t erase years of my close minded family filling me with ancient catholic rhetoric about acceptable and unacceptable.) i’m terrified that not wanting kids makes me a bad person, but wanting them makes me less than what i am. i told my therapist, once, that i’d be okay being a dad. because that makes more sense to me -- less commitment, fewer expectations. i have been crushed by the expectations of my gender my entire life, and i have always felt like my gender was decided, determined, and owned by everyone else but me. 

and maybe that is why i don’t actually feel like a woman. i don’t feel like a man. i don’t feel in between -- i don’t feel anything. i perform like a woman, but the only time i feel myself inhabiting my gender is when i let myself explore my feelings for other women, even in the locked recesses of my own mind. gender, to me, is not a thing i inhabit -- it’s a thing i show then put away when i’m alone because it doesn’t feel right. i’m not thin, i’m not pretty, i’m not able bodied or sound of mind. and none of that matters, none of that is REAL because it’s all based on what society has said but that’s the thing -- it doesn’t matter if it’s all bullshit, because it’s still affecting me. the toxicity of beauty, of body type, of ableism -- it has completely poisoned my ability to see and know and understand who i am, because for the LIFE of me i can’t dismantle the lens of this goddamn white-centric male-centric hetero-centric cis-centric fucked up society that we live in. it’s necessary work, to say no to these ideals. but i can’t do it for myself no matter how hard i try. 

it’s terrifying, to think it might never happen. that i’ll never know myself. time is so short and moves so fast and even though i’m trying to merely enjoy it -- it’s a constant Thing in the back of my mind. but hearing others’ stories gives me a kind of courage it has taken twenty seven years to cultivate. and it’s not even a lot of courage at that, but it’s a start -- to begin the process of maybe dismantling my gender a little. to get to know myself. to open up. to move past the traumas that i’ve experienced in my quest to not rock the proverbial boat and play at being straight and a Traditional Woman. maybe one day seeing engagement and expecting posts on facebook won’t send me into a panic attack and make me vomit. maybe one day i’ll be happy with who i am, or just happy in general (since i can’t remember what happy feels like to begin with). maybe one day all those things won’t feel like a threat, a reminder of my failure to fit in with a toxic society. but what i’m going to start with is just being -- and any time i feel myself scared of a choice, that’s the choice i’m going to try to make. because playing it safe, so far, has entombed me in a prison of heteronormativity. 

thank god for pride. thank god for real and fictional stories that have created more pathways towards the freedom of expression and self acceptance. maybe, one day, even self love.