#idk what to do to change it cause im avoiding being miserable and the fear of failure is eating me alive so im not taking any hard chances | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

milo-is-rambling · 2 months

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I think I’m always going to be running and trying to find the next thing that will make me happy and it will always be something I have to find within myself. So that’s cool.

#escape tag on the mind. thinking about getting up north and the joys of the road and then realizing I would have to start my life there. I #would still have to settle down somewhere and have a home #guy who wants to leave constantly and not be found but cant shut up and loves to leave evidence of themselves everywhere #love covering things in stickers love writing my name on park benches love leaving my mark on the world #but also. get me out of here and I need to get somewhere where the world feels bigger than my bedroom #cause Florida feels so suffocating rn like I have no where to go no where to be me to be happy to have friends to have fun #I feel so trapped in my room and my room feels so monotonous #idk what to do to change it cause im avoiding being miserable and the fear of failure is eating me alive so im not taking any hard chances #to move forward and it makes me want to throw up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#my mom randomly brought up sending me up north with like a six month budget plan or whatever and now idk if I should be looking for a job #that hard or not and idk what I’m doing and it’s freaking me out and I want to run away from everything #but I also would do fucking anything to be near my friends rn to feel like I can breathe when I go outside to be up north would fix so much #of my shit going on rn and even if it didn’t magically make me happy it would be so much easier for me to set roots (even temporarily) andi #can live month to month up there my mom pressures me so hard to have long term plans and it’s not what I need rn at all I need to focus on #short term shit and not get anxious about the big picture but my mom cannot shut up about the big picture and future steps and all this shit #and idk what’s real and what’s hypothetical plans and it’s so annoying and frustrating and I want to get my shit together but I also don’t #bc the world seems miserable but god I would so much rather be miserable up north with Millie near me than be miserable in the heat w my mom

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