#idk what tags to use this is just so frustrating and terrifying i had to make a post bc i havent seen anything abt it

[utvarpcity]

No, things are not getting better.

According to the new Global Carbon Project report, global fossil CO2 emissions further increased in 2022, being now slightly above their pre-COVID-19 pandemic 2019 level. Regionally, emissions in 2022 did decrease in Europe and China (by 0.8% and 0.9% respectively, so no giant sums here), but increased by 1.5 % in the United States, 6 % in India, and 1.7 % in the rest of the world. So Westerners, Americans particularly, who like to put the blame on China better take a look at themselves instead. 

A large part of these emissions stem from a change in land usage and deforestation (this mainly in Brazil, Indonesia, and the Democratic Republic of the Congo) and one of the main reasons for the increase of emissions this year is the fact that air travel has become popular again, post-pandemic. Again, this points to our choices as individuals having an impact - whether it’s flying or consuming large amounts of cattle products and palm oil (which are the main products responsible for deforestation and emissions stemming from land usage).

Continuing like this, it’ll only take nine years until we’ve reached the 1.5 degrees Celsius limit agreed upon in 2015. In other words, nine years from now we can expect irreversible changes such as coral reefs dying out, Greenland's ice cap melting, annual harvests decreasing by 10% and causing mass starvation, and rainfall heavy enough to flood entire cities.

While it is obvious we need a change on a systematic level, all the possible actions we can take as individuals must be taken, not only to mitigate climate change but also to get used to a different way of living that will become inevitable with time. Evidently this works - emissions decreased during the worst years of the pandemic largely because of the changed living patterns of individuals. It’s time to stop pointing fingers and make the changes we can, because we are just reaching the point of it being “too late”.

[illubean]

After reading the mother figure fic an idea spawned in my head,

What if in a difficult situation she sees him get hurt in battle and her sweet persona completely switches off, going into a murder rage mode

And she's actually a terrifying person that kills the enemy in cold-blood and brutally

And then after all of that she rushes over to him to make sure he's okay and not too injured and her usual caring persona switches back on

A Mother's Wrath

Characters: Killua Zoldyck Type: Short Oneshot, Fem!reader (or anyone comfortable with being seen as a mother)

I tagged this for potential spoilers but idk if there really is any??? but there just in case

Warnings: canon typical violence, potential spoilers for Chimera Ant Arc

This was bad.

This was REALLY bad.

Somehow, after storming off from the main group after getting frustrated, Killua had found himself surrounded by Chimera Ants. No one really understood what he was upset about, and at this point he had forgotten it completely. He had been fighting for so long, already having used Godspeed and now he was tired.

No matter what he did, there we're just too many of them. There were around 5 of them left after he had taken out countless others.

Was this really how he was going to die?

Before either Killua or the ants could strike, a silhouette flashed by as an ant's head rolled to the floor.

What the..?

Killua stared dumbfounded at the scene in front of him. You had appeared out of nowhere, disposing of the ants brutally and extremely quick. By the end of it, Chimera Ant parts were scattered across the ground.

In a state of shock and with his tiredness now settling in, Killua fell back onto the ground and propped himself up on his hands to look at you. You stood unmoving for a moment, breathing deeply, covered in the blood of the enemy. You turned slowly to look at the boy, your cold, hardened eyes returning to the soft and caring ones Killua was familiar with.

You rushed to his side to check for any injuries. After not finding anything serious, you grabbed the boy's face and made him look at you.

"Don't do anything so reckless ever again, you understand me?"

A guilty look spread across his face as he nodded at you, leaning into your embrace. You pulled him into a hug, one hand stroking his hair as the young boy wrapped his arms around you to grip the back of your shirt.

""m sorry," he trembled.

Killua was never one to be very emotionally vulnerable, but before you had showed up he was scared.

Scared he would die.

Scared he'd never see his friends again.

Scared to upset you.

Killua has been in many life threatening situations, but there was something about this in particular that set him over the edge. Maybe it was because now he had people to care for him. People who made him feel safe.

People like you.

You silently comforted the crying boy in your arms, assuring him you'd always be there. This was the closest thing Killua had felt to motherly love. He appreciated you greatly for that, even if he doesn't know how to say it.

After a few moments, you hoisted him onto your back, sensing how tired he was.

"C'mon Killua. Lets get back to the others."

[hippolotamus]

run to the water (and find me there) 🧜‍♂️

Idk why but this wip has a hold on me 🥰

Is this a slightly outdated WIP ask? Yes. Do I care? Absolutely not. Because I've been holding onto it in case I had a new snip for you, dearest, and today seemed like an excellent opportunity. I reworked the beginning and added more detail, so consider this a New Old Snippet. (all prev snippets here) Enjoy, lovely 🧜‍♂️💖

Eddie Diaz is eleven years old when he meets the love of his life.  In what could only be considered a miracle, his parents announce the family is taking a vacation that isn’t their usual week at Abuela and Abeulo’s ranch. Not that Eddie doesn’t enjoy his time there, but he maybe – okay definitely – gets a little frustrated hearing about how his classmates get to go to Disney World or summer camp. This is the year Eddie will finally have something cool to tell his friends.  Not only is he going to the beach – in a whole other state! – he gets to take his first ever plane ride. It doesn’t even bother him that he has to sit with Sophia because he gets the window seat. An up close view as the plane ascends through white, fluffy clouds that stretch across the boundless bright blue sky and create a wispy barrier to the world below. Sipping Sprite from a plastic cup, and nibbling on cookies the nice flight attendant brought, he stares into the distance. His body feels like it’s not his own, bubbling with awe and wonder as he admires the curving horizon. He likens the experience to being pleasantly trapped in a liminal space that’s not quite earth, the cosmos or heaven.  When they begin their descent, he can’t help feeling a mild sense of disappointment, already anxious to be back in the air. That immediately dissipates when he gets his first glimpse of the ground below. A complex grid of streets and highways even more densely packed with cars and houses than El Paso. From this high up they look like toys rather than functional structures used by real people.  While the flight was exciting, the Los Angeles airport is less so. Well, it’s still exciting, but in more of a terrifying, confusing way. Eddie is nervous to look away from his parents or older sister for even a second, afraid he’ll be swept up in the sea of people. It’s a small comfort that his mother has Adriana, his baby sister, strapped to her chest in a carrier.  “Edmundo! Help with the bags!” His father snaps, leading them towards the baggage carousel.  “Why can’t Soph help, too?” Eddie asks. He’s not complaining and he doesn’t mind helping, but wouldn’t it be easier with three of them? Regardless, it was obviously the wrong question.  His father sighs, looking for all the world like he’s trying to maintain what little composure he has. “Because, Edmundo, you are going to be the next head of this family. You, and not Sophia, need to learn to take responsibility. To take care of them. You are the one who needs to learn what it means to be a man.” “Ramon,” his mother cuts in. “He’s just a boy.” “Sí, mi corazón.” His father softens slightly, but it’s evident his mind is made up. “A boy who needs to be ready for life to be thrust upon him at any moment. Better that he prepare himself now.” Eddie sends his mother a grateful smile for trying.

(Tease Tidbit Tuesday) tags below the cut

np tagging @stereopticons @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz mi amor @disasterbuckdiaz @actuallyitsellie @apothecarose @barbiediaz @buddierights @chaosandwolves @diazsdimples @elvensorceress @epicbuddieficrecs @eowon @fortheloveofbuddie @gayedmundodiaz @giddyupbuck @heartshapedvows @honestlydarkprincess @hoodie-buck @indestructibleheart @jesuisici33 @thekristen999 @ladydorian05 @lemonzestywrites @loserdiaz @loveyouanyway @monsterrae1 @spaceprincessem @spotsandsocks @statueinthestone @steadfastsaturnsrings @the-likesofus @theotherbuckley @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @thewolvesof1998 @tizniz @vanillahigh00 @wildlife4life @wikiangela @your-catfish-friend and anyone else who wants to 😘

[ktsphere]

I was tagged by @spineless-lobster and @brezideje so thanks!! (Sorry this has taken a while 😅)

1. Are you named after anyone?

No, my parents chose my name because it is bilingual and they liked it

2. When was the last time you cried?

Hmmm reading a sad fic probably

3. Do you have kids?

No, but I might one day? I'm not sure, I don't want to birth them myself (I am terrified of pregnancy)

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Sometimes? Lots with my friends and siblings, but not with colleagues

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Idk hair colour probably, not really sure how to answer this

6. What’s your eye colour?

Dark brown (my pupils and irises almost blend together)

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings please!

8. Any special talents?

I can balance spoons on my face? Also do a Rubik's cube, juggle, lick my nose, and waggle my eyebrows independently of each other. Probably not all at the same time though.

9. Where were you born?

UK but I am not going to be more specific than that, sorry

10. What are your hobbies?

Guitar, crochet, knitting, climbing

11. Have you any pets?

No but I would like a doggy

12. What sports do you play/had played?

Climbing is my thing atm, specifically indoor bouldering and in the summer hopefully outdoor sport climbing

13. How tall are you?

Not tall enough! I can't reach the tops of cupboards it's very frustrating. However, I can fit into small spaces which can be fun.

14. Favourite subject in school?

Maths (nerd)

15. Dream job?

I wish I could do GCSE - A-level maths all day, I love doing little brain exercise puzzles. I went into stem thinking I'd do maths all day and I've ended up reading loads of boring documents and I hate it. Lemme know if you know of a job that is just fun puzzles please

I would like to tag you, reading this :)

[24hourmess]

things i wanna know about my fellow writers

i'll tag my friends @fractured-nightsky @squarelyblue but there's no pressure (and others can piggyback off this too im not a cop)

hi im finally getting around to this--

Last Book I Read: i believeee it was The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa! i'd give it a 4/5, excellent and terrifying premise that slowly broke my heart. easy read! the ending left me with a lot of questions (not necessarily a bad thing) Greatest Literary Inspirations: can i just share my ao3 bookmarks?--for "official" authors... i would say George R.R. Martin, Kurt Vonnegut, and... i'm not really sure! i havent regularly read since i had to. kinda embarrassed about my answer here--

Things in My Current Fandom I Want to Read but I Don't Want to Write: well tbh i very rarely want to write over read, but us writers make do--BUT real answer: i very much prefer to read smut than write it. i struggle a lot with writing what's sexy and what's practical. so i'll read smut all day but writing it will take me forever--

Things in my current fandoms I want to write but I think nobody would be interested in them but me: well im actually getting back into the uncharted fandom, which i know is not popular rn, soooo writing anything for that fandom isn't going to get me a crazy amount of kudos on ao3, but who care. these are my passion projects!! and for like bg3, which im edging out of, i'd want to bloat it up with rolan and raphael fic, but im not crazy abt sharing that w those fans.

You can recognize my writing by: really abrupt scene transitions and lack of scene descriptions. writing is all about dialogue and the characters for me, so i dont spare much about the scenery or how they get there. i am trying to improve it but... i gotta write what's fun and not sweat too much. that's an editor's job

My most controversial take (current fandom): for uncharted uhhh i think a lot of people just. dont quite grasp rafe's character and it annoys me! same thing w daniil from pathologic, raphael from bg3, and characters that follow those same tropes

My top three favorite tropes: slowburn, hurt/comfort, and pining!! slowburn is especially my favorite >:)

What’s your current writing mood (10 – super motivated and churning out words like crazy, 0 – in a complete rut): i've been feeling at an 8! i'm not exactly churning out writing like i want, but i've been steadily working everyday on research and at least getting a couple hundred words out. i hope it stays this way, bc im feeling ambitious!!

Share a random frustration: getting back into uncharted means i wanna travel SO bad rn. but idk where i'd wanna go. there's just so many beautiful places in the world!

[a-german-with-the-gay]

I posted 9,775 times in 2022

9 posts created (0%)

9,766 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@painless-and-colourful

@demilypyro

@elytrians

@iantos-coffee

I tagged 3,215 of my posts in 2022

#video - 386 posts

#inspo - 261 posts

#dsmp - 138 posts

#cats - 120 posts

#tma - 83 posts

#dlsmp - 72 posts

#torchwood - 69 posts

#queer stuff - 65 posts

#gender - 59 posts

#tf2 - 54 posts

Longest Tag: 91 characters

#but i get that it's really difficult to find friends that are also romantically interesting

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

OH YEAH HAPPY 2′s DAY!!!

0 notes - Posted February 22, 2022

#4

The “confused so am I” is a mood

:)

0 notes - Posted February 5, 2022

#3

Why the FUCK did I just get a th*nspo post based on my likes what the fuck what the fuck

0 notes - Posted January 28, 2022

#2

Had a funky dream last night that I would like to share

I was playing a Minecraft-like game (it may have actually been Minecraft with guns idk) in which the player could explore cool floating ruins. however, by doing... something (flying too fast, looking back while flying, killing a certain mob, I don’t remember which of these triggered it), the game froze and I was moved to a flat room, pitch-black except for a giant white circle, kind of like a moon, 8 eyes repeatedly opening and disappearing with a really gross noise, in a katana zero type art style with a faint glitchy overlay. I remember feeling simultaneously terrified and mildly frustrated, like this was a Thing That Happened in the game but that I was scared of. 

Suddenly I was in a discord call with people I knew but do not actually know or remember, and the fight against the thing (no other name) started. the game was now a 2d smash-style game in which we had to somehow take down the boss with makeshift weapons. There were three phases: the first was just fighting the thing as it was, the second was the creature elongating and growing a horrible, long-legged body, the white face-circle being its only weakness. I don’t remember the third phase, and I’m not sure I want to tbh, but I know I died by falling out of the map and being consumed by the thing. thinking about it still kind of gives me vertigo.

The rest of my team won, and then the dream gets a little blurry because I’m pretty sure spring trap spawned in a toilet stall to try and hunt down the rest of the call but failed because he forgot we could communicate via phones... not the weirdest dream I’ve ever had but I feel the need to share it so I can maybe be free of Moonface McSpiderfuck, my eternal tormentor.

1 note - Posted May 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

TORCHWOOD AMONG US??

6 notes - Posted December 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[zukuist]

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞

200 followers special

includes: multiple characters (would add more tags but.. i reached 30 ;;)

your name is shortened to y/n, they/them pronouns

notes: thank you for 200 followers! this isn’t really going to be that long, but im just doing the characters i really like so ;; ALSO I MIGHT’VE GOTTEN KIRI’S ENTRY A LITTLE WRONG so ugh sorry ;;

—

shouto todoroki

— THE OBSERVANT SIMP

from the start, he’s quite oblivious to certain things, (social ques, signs of romantic interest, etc.)

but when he’s observant with someone, then that totally means you’re special to him. does he realize how much he pays attention to you? hmm.. maybe?

he’s going to be the first one that notices you’re hungry, even if you don’t realize it yourself. he’s quick to grab a snack and break it open to you

same thing with being thirsty— if he notices that your water bottle is empty, he’ll quickly find the nearest vending machine and buy a bottle.

temperature is also no problem. he can immediately tell whenever someone’s cold; but he usually helps you first

too hot? he’s slowly putting down the room’s temperature

too cold? his left palm starts emitting some sort of heat in your direction, hoping it creates some sort of aid

if your shoelaces are undone, and/or he notices that there’s a button undone on your shirt— he’ll fix it for you

will ask to take your pictures on dates, and he’ll also help you pick out the best photo (not that any photo of you is short of any beauty)

in short— people will notice that he’s actually a big simp for you; because of how observant he is with you specifically.

katsuki bakugou

— THE TSUNDERE SIMP

just because he’s simping for you doesn’t mean he’ll treat you any differently. bakugou will be bakugou, and you eventually learn how to adapt to that.

but even so, his simp habits slip out sometimes.

when he’s cooking, he’ll accidentally make too much to eat, and he’ll coincidentally put the extras in another box and hand it to you

he’s a good student, even with studies. but would he say he’s a good teacher? hm. probably not

but if he notices you need help, he’ll sigh, feining annoyance as he decides to tutor y’all, because those ‘idiots’ are hopeless

rolls his eyes when he sees food on your cheek, but he’ll grab a tissue and wipe it off for you— claiming how you’re so messy.

he’ll act like he hates hearing your ‘annoying ass singing’ but he’ll lean against the doorway and listen to you rock out to whatever song you’re singing to.

denki will call him a simp for looking after you, and bakugou will just yell at him to “SHUT UP” >:T

he secretly likes taking care of you. his words aren’t the softest thing in the world, but his actions make up to it.

izuku midoriya

— THE DETAILED SIMP

as katsuki bakugou would call him; he is a nerd

he definitely meant that as an insult, but his input on detail makes it very useful in things like relationships

he remembers every detail of your quirk, your limits, potential secret moves.

it would’ve been stalker-ish, if it weren’t for the fact that deku does this out of admiration for his s/o

so if you so happen to collapse due to overusing your quirk— deku has a detailed plan on what to do. it’s almost scary.

he puts detail in a lot of things, anniversary gifts, birthday gifts, and so on.

deku’s also the type to plan things weeks before it actually happens. like.. planning out the perfect birthday gift

and with this, his memory is really good. so it’s very unlikely that he’ll just suddenly forget anniversaries and birthdays.

i hc deku as a bad cook, so he eats takeout food more than his homemade food

but he’s takes note of your allergies, your dislikes with food— and he finds himself mumbling small details to recall what you like

when you walk out in pretty/good outfits for dates

his face will break out into shades of red— suddenly rambling all the good details of your outfit, complimenting you while he’s at it

“y/n’s looks fantastic as always. i might die from their beauty”

if anyone calls him a simp, he’ll be really embarrassed about it. “me? a s-simp? is that a bad thing?”

just tell him it’s fine.

denki kaminari

— THE HYPEMAN SIMP

a big simp

like.. really big

he worships the ground you step on, and hypes up everything you do

y’all know when irene from red velvet literally breathed in north korea, and the crowd just

*claps*

yeah, that’s denki to you

it’s so blantly obvious that he’s simping over someone, and everyone’s just kinda used to it at this point

he’s just a big fanboy sometimes

whenever you’re sparring with someone, he’s always in the background like

“go s/o!!” 🤩

and he has tendencies to go a little easy on you like.. what’s he gonna do when you get electricuted??

but that doesn’t mean he’s never serious— nah.

there are times where he’s just a little bashful just being in your presence

sneaking glances your way, as he silently fanboys about you in general.

“s/o looks really good today. they always look good but !!”

when y’all weren’t together, the bakusquad was just tired of the constant romantic pining

it was really obvious that he was simping back then, and they’re not so sure as to how you didn’t say anything about it

mina always called him a simp

so yeah!! it was a big relief when you got together with him. he never makes you feel terrible, because he’s always your #1 hypeman.

eijirou kirishima

— THE HELPING SIMP (rip idk what to call this)

i didn’t really know what kinda name i went for this one but let me carry on

kiri upfront is very confident, and friendly. he never shows a mean side to anyone,

and there are rare cases of him being bashful

he’s kinda almost like a golden retriever? since he’s always nice and friendly to everyone

but then when you enter the room; he suddenly goes quiet, and he’s left alone with his rather loud thoughts about you

he didn’t really know how to properly approach you at first

but him being kiri, he’s still rather friendly to you (for now)

when he’s messing around, practically sharing one braincell with kami and sero

and then you suddenly walk in— he snaps out of his foolishness, and greet you with his very warm smile

“hey y/n!” he waves at you, and he hopes you don’t mention the teasing look on both kami and sero’s face

sometimes when he’s doing his close combat training, and he notices that he’s getting too close to you

he’ll be like “woah man, maybe we should move locations.” bc he doesn’t wanna hit you by accident ;;

kirishima prefers to not stand near you when his hair is all spiky. like he’s never conscious about it, until he’s around you

man poked sero with his hair before, and he doesn’t want to do that to you

kiri always looks at your hand, just to see if it’s occupied with something. his thoughts linger to what your hand might feel like

“their hand looks really.. soft. argh! i shouldn’t be thinking about these kind of things in public! im sorry y/n”

bakugou really only notices kirishima’s simping ways

bakugou always mentions the fact that kirishima goes really silent whenever you’re around—

and he’s secretly contemplating on having you around more so he can just shut up 。・°°・(＞_＜)・°°・。

moving aside all of that, kiri always carries your things.

you’ll beg him to give you at least one thing, and he’ll say no because it’s “not manly to let someone carry all of this.”

if you’re sad, he’s the first one to cheer you up— reassuring you that everything will be okay.

kiri’s just wants to be at your service at all times! it’s manly to help people, right?

hitoshi shinsou

— THE DISCREET SIMP

no one would be able to tell that he’s simping for someone

because unlike kaminari; he’s not like IM HITOSHI SHINSO AND IM ACTUALLY A SIMP

he’s a lot more discreet, and no one has really caught on, besides you and kaminari of course

he’s a lot less sarcastic with you, asking you about anything that’s happened instead of just being there

he prefers it to hear you talk. the way each word and syllable rolls off your tongue smoothly, and the way you use your hands to emphasize things

he’s amused.

oh and the way he looks at you? almost any normal person can sense the simp in him pop out (he’s so contained though)

he’s definitely the person that’ll get rid of any bug that’s terrifying you— even though he’d normally just leave it to them

he’ll do it, regardless if it’s the biggest fucking spider he’s ever seen, or the smallest spider

he’ll do it to make you feel safe.

he has these random spurs of compliments during the day

the source mainly comes from his staring habit

and they’re just so unexpected and out of the blue. hitoshi’s amused whenever he sees your reaction to his compliments

like.. you could be really frustrated about something, and he’ll just go “your eyes are pretty.” that’s his discreet method tO MAKE YOU TEMPORARILY DISTRACTED FROM THE ISSUE—

call him a simp, whatever. it’s true anyway so he doesn’t why should he be ashamed of it?

he’s discreet about it, since it’s your business and his business. but you can definitely feel his feelings loud and clear

neito monoma

— THE 180 SIMP

“i’m not a simp!”

[you enter the room]

*nervous laughter*

he had his last laugh, and he never thought he’d be this soft around someone.

especially if you’re from class 1-A like.. i became the thing i hated, ugh.

relentless teasing is amped but this is his way of making sure you remember him loud and clear

but he’ll never tease you in a condescending way— like how he torments the rest of class 1-A

that’s reserved for them 💅

always compliments you, that’s the first thing he does when he sees you—

and they’re never generic compliments either

“it’s nice to see you here, y/n! you make the world better day by day!”

“i’m still wondering what you’re doing in class 1-A, you’re much better than them!”

everyone secretly wonders how you got monoma to like you

monoma canonically likes pastels. spread the word

so sometimes, you’ll walk over to your desk— and you’ll just see this random pastel ornament sitting on your desk

you know who it’s from

whenever monoma starts becoming annoying, kendo will definitely use you as a weapon to make him shut up

he’ll be laughing at the expression on his face, thinking he’s absolutely winning at this

but the smile is wiped off his face when he hears “ok go on, i’ll tell y/n about your antics.”

“no, no! i’ll behave now, please don’t tell y/n.”

class 1-b literally use you as blackmail whenever monoma acts up, and it’s because of how different he is around you

like.. his personality takes a 180, (besides the obvious teasing) it’s alarming

—

©️zukuist 2021, bnha|mha belongs to horikoshi kohei. do not repost my work❕

[peterrparrkerr]

So, deaf AU. First I love this and am working on a version of my own which should be fun but for yours my HC is actually how they meet. So you hint that Peter has powers, but being deaf it would be hard to be a vigilante, plus the bite didn't cute the deafness. So powered Peter but no Spidey.

So I kinda imagine Tony meets Peter at his job. There's not a lot of things you can do while deaf but data entry for a company where you don't have to talk to people and messages are sent via email. He even has a little sign on his desk saying sorry I'm deaf so if you need assistance ask (coworker) or send me an email at pparker@businessname.com

Tony shows up one day because he distantly owns the company and uses it to prop up his non legal businesses. Someone had been messing with his books and he plans to interrogate everyone until he finds out what is going on.

Peter gets dragged before Tony, terrified, his hands flying as he tried to sign, to grab his ID that clearly said he was deaf, to say he couldn't hear even though fear garbled his already poor language skills. Everyone knows who Tony Stark is and he didn't want to get caught up in whatever this was. Luckily Tony being the genius that he is, recognizes what's going on and sighs, then brings over two computers and opens a chat program to explain what happened. They type back and forth and once Peter knows what's going on, he helps Tony by showing him where the files are and how to check for errors.

Peter saves Tony a lot of time and effort so Tony rewards him. Peter keeps trying to give it back and Tony thinks he wants something different or better. It takes months of back and forth before Tony finally understands that Peter didn't want things but at that point Tony's addicted to spoiling him and works hard to win him over.

So yeah this one is really a lot of fluff followed by smut as Tony worships Peter, and learns sign language in a week just for him. As part of his gifts, Tony custom designs so many things to improve Peter's conditions as related to his deafness. Just all the warm feelings. SI even opens a disability assistance line of products because of what Tony makes for Peter.

This fic!! Continuing to tag @snowstark 😂

I really love the idea of them meeting at work 😭 theres not many places to work that aren't run by the Superior by the time Peter is old enough to get a job.

I always wanted Peter to be born deaf, so he's always lived without being able to hear. When he gets bit (I'm assuming during job interviews with Oscorp) the extra power is debilitating.

He can't hear anything still, but his sixth sense is tricky. Its as close to hearing as Peter thinks he'll ever get, but its still so far from it.

He ends up getting a job at Stark Industries (Tony owns both companies, though he doesnt change Oscorp's name. Norman still runs the show, Tony's just getting 70% of the profit or something idk)

At first, there's a lot of issues with ablist issues, but a nicer co worker gets him the sign saying he's deaf. After a year of working there, the whole floor has learned to just email Peter with questions or concerns.

Their first meeting was probably so stressful for our baby 😭 Tony doesn't realize he's deaf, and at some point he gets frustrated and Peter thinks he's gonna die.

Peter's not the best at speech, but he can get his point across. He's less self conscious about how he sounds to hearing people when he's comfortable, so he doesnt talk to Tony, just frantically signs.

And because Tony's the Superior, he learns sign very quickly. I think Extremis has something to do with it.

And Tony definitely falls for Peter. Hes cute and awkward and endearing in a way not many people are. So Tony creates different ways for Peter to communicate and connect with the world.

He gets Peter in to a speech coach to help smooth out the trickier words, and when Tony finds out Peter isn't as human as he comes across, Tony decides to help him with that too.

Sure, the Superior doesnt need help in controlling the masses, he has his own technology for that. But he knows how much Peter wants to feel useful. So he builds him a suit. He gives Peter a part of New York to protect (under his ever present eye).

The suit has a baby monitor and built in hearing aids. The finger pads have the ability to translate morse code. When Peter's in a bind, he just taps his fingers, letting Tony know he's okay or may need a bit of help.

Peter thrives under the Superior's guidance and support. They fall in love and there's no doubt in my mind that Tony doesn't worship the ground Peter walks on.

And Peter talks more around him. Murmurs slurred I love yous and lets himself moan and whimper when Tony fucks him hard on their bed.

Peter is Tony’s only weakness. He'd bend over backwards for the boy -and has, many times over the course of their relationship. He doesnt assume anyone is stupid enough to touch his boy, but then Beck happens.

My god plz you got me looking at my superior one shots wanting to add more parts to them 😭😭

[domreader-headcannon-scenarios]

HII! Okay so I know you’ve mentioned in a previous post that you don’t accept male readers, I’d just like to know why?

This is the sixth time I’ve explained this so I’m not even going to be nice about.

I know it’s a different person each time, so don’t take it personal what I say.

This will be the LAST time I answer this question. It’s an insult to be asked at this point.

I have severe gender dysphoria and even THINKING about having a penise/reading something that implies it, it triggers it and I’m close to having a break down.

It makes me so uncomfortable to ever think about that, I’m non-binary, I am more feminine aligned, I have extremely deep rooted trauma with men. I can still enjoy the company of men/appreciate them but even for second, having someone think that I am one bothers me and I hate it. I hate being called anything masculine aligned.

I don’t like being around AMAB people in real life, I’m terrified of them. Ive been ra/ped several times by men and despite years of therapy it hasn’t gotten any better.

I don’t like a man dominating a woman because it triggers me to think of all the times I’ve been assaulted, on how I literally had a fucking tree branch shoved in me by a man, how he almost killed me and I was just eleven/twelve fucking years old.

I’m extremely emotionally unstable with that because of that.

Again, I know I sound mad but don’t take it personal, this is kinda me venting my frustrations on why I get talked down to for not doing male readers.

It genuinely hurts me to be referred to as anything masculine aligned, idk why but I’m fine with people around me using it, just not on me.

I’ve gotten better as there was a time where straps made me uncomfortable, I’ve forced myself to get over that thought. I can’t get over this.

I’m fine with men at this point, but anything that is slightly masculine being used on me? It destroys me and I almost always break down because of it. That’s why I’m so aggressive about tagging that stuff.

Trauma is trauma and it’s best not to dig deeper into.

Please don’t ask this question again, typically if something is in someone’s rules it’s there for a reason and it’s honestly best not to ask

I’m not upset just hurt that people keep asking since it’s makes me uncomfortable and feel invalidated.

[f1-birb]

I'm angry. I do not like Mercedes, I actually despise them. I like Hamilton, seems like a hood guy, but I can't stand the team or Russel. I used to like Russel until this year when I now do not like him at all, I don't think he deserves this win after all the things he's done to other drivers these last few races. I am terrified Mercedes will be a front runner team again, I don't want that, I want to cry thinking about it. And the fact that Russel won before Hamilton is just so frustrating, I would be happier to see Hamilton win.

And alpine, its mostly cause I'm a mclaren fan that I hate the team. I have nothing against Ocon and Alonso is Alonso yknow but the team makes my blood boil. I can't stand them.

Now redbull, my opinion on redbull is alright but I really like Max. I'm happy for him to win the championship and I don't know what happened this race. He's been off in both the sprint and today. It almost feel like Max from last year is back when he just seemed to desperate. But this year its for no reason. He could've won today I belive if it wasn't for the incident with Hamilton. About that incident too, I don't think it was Maxs fault, from what I've seen he was ahead and Hamilton left him no space. I'm just so frustrated.

And now Mclaren. Daniel messed up on lap one but I don't have any expectations of him anymore so I don't really care. But Lando drove well, he had a great start and fought good with the ferrari. I understand the penalty for colliding with Charles but I'm still sad of course. And I'm so angry at mclaren for creating an abomination of a car that Lando has managed to get a fucking podium in. He knows the team is relying on him to win and has driven three race while sick!!!! That's not okay. I'm also a bit angry at Daniel for being this shitty that Lando has had this pressure on him. Mclarens entire year has been on Landos shoulders and that can't be good mentally on our boy. He doesn't deserve that. He deserves a good team that can give him a good car. How hard can that be?

Ughhhhhh

I suppose that's all my thoughts about the race. Sorry if it seemed a bit too angry sometimes but I'm still very upset.

Firstly I hope being able to vent made you feel a little better <3

Second, we feel the same way about a lot of things from this race and this season but I will summarise:

Same thoughts about Merc, was raised a Merc hater and shall stay one. I've only warmed up to Lewis in recent years tbh, but like you I really liked George at Williams (bar the incident with VB which I still get prickly over) and since he's been at Merc I've slowly liked him less. He's made certain comments and there have been several incidents, particularly Singapore and since that have made me change his cute tag to one less cute, but I can't fault him today. For Q3 absolutely I'll fault him and will claim that helped him today, but he did a good job and I can't deny him the race win

Alpine, same hat, don't hate their drivers but they're a threat to McLaren and since my boy's there that's my team (and it was my team even back in 10-12 with JB and LH even though at the time I could not stand LH)

RB is where we differ a little, I can't stand the team and I have extremely mixed feelings on it. I don't hate Max but I'm certainly not his biggest fan, and I think he and Lewis bring out the worst in each other on track. I think Max has been getting incredibly frustrated while driving not in his usual spots this season, or at least since summer break. Singapore a classic example with the safety car incident and the lock up (both of which I was angry over because Lando was at risk) - tbh I wouldn't have cared either way if either, both, neither of them got a penalty for that incident // EDIT: having seen Max's comments post-race he's in time out until further notice

McLaren..... big sigh. Idk what they did between the 35 and 36 but whatever it is IT AINT IT. Lando had a fantastic start, especially since he's had some rocky ones this season, and I'm so glad they replayed it, and he was driving very well considering he felt like absolute shit and has done since Thursday. The incident with Charles was just that, an incident in my opinion, and the fact I'm hearing that Charles stans are sending Lando hate and even death threats is so disgusting but I honestly can't expect much better (and much like with staniels I am fully aware it's not all Charles fans). Lando has consistently dragged that tractor into the points, put it a lot higher up the grid than it deserves, and even managed a podium in it which is incredible, and I feel bad he's had to carry the team for basically two years, especially this year with how much they've had to fight with Alpine and it's basically been him alone

And Daniel.... if I speak, I am in big big big trouble because boy do I have words and only some of them are nice

That's all my feelings out for today but if anyone wants to rant, vent, chat, feel free to drop in my inbox

[vtforpedro]

health update, long post - TWs in tags

I haven't made an update in a while because I am exhausted. more exhausted than I can say head is still bad. working with the new neuro and just last week he gave me the diagnosis of IIH I've been waiting for a year to happen c': because he's smart and knows everything has been ruled out and when I explain it feels like a bowling ball is sitting on the bridge of my nose during episodes and that my ears feel full, I have visual disturbances, I'm having trouble with memory/information processing, my nose pops lol that I am describing a fuck ton of pressure in my skull so I didn't have to do the lumbar puncture. wish the US would get caught up with the UK because they advise against LPs because they're DANGEROUS and doctors can use those extra years of school to make big brain decisions anyway. we're doing this thing of going up on one med at a time and over three weeks to reduce side effects because I am so sensitive to meds. going up on the med that treats the nerve pain I get from my brain being swollen from PRESSURE and pressing against the giant nerve on the side of my head lol taken three times a day so going up on dose more each week to get to the desired dose then I'll take the ~magic~ drug that is the only one prescribed to treat IIH by reducing the amount of spinal fluid surrounding your brain. really REALLY terrifies me because tons of people have to get off of it because of bad side effects and I'm already so sensitive 😭 but we're starting at a really low dose, half the usual starting dose, and also doing a three week thing to get to the desired dose if it doesn't help, he'll refer me to an IIH specialist at our big neuro hospital (my insurance might not let me see them though so I may have to go elsewhere but I was thinking why haven't they done that in the past year when he said it 🙃) and also probably a migraine specialist things are moving forward with that at least in remission from leukemia for 10 months as of last month and will be 12 in the first week of december!! my hematologist moved our appts out every six months c: so that's good. I got really lucky with it. still probably stuck in my apartment for another year because people can't get their shit together to put an end to covid. blood cancers can not only cause severe illness/death (and my labs are still abnormal even if the leukemia isn't detectable) but it could cause it to come out of remission with a vengeance so. can't be around people had to fight my apt complex just yesterday not to send maintenance in to change the fucking lightbulbs because I can't have people (who are apparently not required to wear masks anymore!!!!) who have been in countless other apts come into mine ha ha ha whole host of new GI problems tho!!!! so that's been fun. can't find a reason for it either so I'm not sure what my GI is gonna. do about it. I've had the double scope procedure, multiple abdominal ultrasounds and CT scans and now a good amount of labs with nothing that explains why I get some severe pain and constipation. haven't been constipated this entire year cause of my diet and it just started one day despite no changes. really frustrating I had a pain about a week ago so bad I could barely walk. it was low enough that I don't know if it was GI or reproductive system but it's been not great with pain saw an OBGYN yesterday for a pap smear. kinda still concerned about le lady parts but she said everything looked fine at least probably gonna get off birth control after we see how I do on the IIH med so we can determine where side effects, if any, are coming from. she said I will likely see positive benefits and both her and neuro agreed it might help my migraines weight loss has kind of stopped. right at 40lbs too. it's been so frustrating and I've tried to change up the foods I'm eating but it's just not happening. I absolutely need to lose more weight for the IIH so idk what to do. can't exercise at all. can barely move around to go to appointments and I barely make it through all the stuff I have to do after we're thinking I may need a

shower chair soon. it'll help but it also sucks that I need one at all. makes me sad, especially for the next reason! I woke up this morning to see that disability denied my claim. even after everything I gave her. I was expecting this, but still hoping for good news because of *gestures broadly* all of this, plus my neuropsych and psych both diagnosing me with severe depression and ptsd lmao so I'm kind of. really fucking down right now it could take two years before I have a hearing with a judge after appealing. I can only hope the lawyer I spoke to in april sticks to his word and takes my case on my age is working against me but I've had a history of depression/anxiety since I was 10 and started to be treated then too anyway this is getting really long. I've had so many appointments already this month and it's exhausting. it's exhausting having to deal with doctors who are as shitty as ever and it's exhausting having to come home and do covid procedure/shower and it's exhausting having to be worried about getting covid from medical professionals who are not nearly as careful as they should be I can't count how many times they've asked me or suggested I take off my masks lol this phlebotomist tried to kill me last week (I may be exaggerating) and had to get help despite my excellent veins that even while dehydrated give quick/good blood and the guy she had to call in to help told me I could take off my masks b/c that helps him with anxiety attacks I got an 'anxiety attack' because not only did she keep moving the needle in my arm over and over and over again but she gripped it so hard it was causing me 10/10 pain I CAN STILL FEEL THE BRUISE but she kept doing it after I was telling her it hurt very badly so I got super woozy and had to lie down lmao and then she missed my vein in my hand. when I had one tiny tube left out of SEVEN. he got it instantly and quickly I'm tired of these people!!!!! I'm tired of shit luck and shitty medical professionals I'm tired tired tired of it had three appts with the psychologist and it didn't work out cause he was a man in the end. but I have an intake appointment with a therapist today to get an official therapist and I'm crossing my fingers. I need an actual trauma therapist and a woman who will not likely laugh and say we need to work on my 'taste in men' like they weren't the ones to choose to abuse me my father and brother the longest??????? so lol wonderful thing to say but w/e. men being men my neuro wants an mri done in late dec/early jan and while I'm extremely...... extreeeemely......... tired of medical imaging, it'll probably be my last one unless something goes very wrong for like six months I cannot tell y'all how tired I am of all of this. they hand out labs and imaging orders like candy to likely avoid malpractice without a care or thought to the patient's time and money depression is bad right now. I'm just tired of all of this ANYWAY! even longer now I had to get a pill case cause my memory is getting so awful I will forget if I took my medicine or not within minutes of the time I need to and it's about 50/50 I think so I am either missing or doubling doses and yeah. I feel old. but it's rainbow-colored at least 😂 hope you're all doing well and staying safe. crazy world we live in and I hope it calms down eventually as far as the plague goes love you all very much. thanks for being so supportive and thank you ahead of time for any replies. I'm terrible at getting back to you all when I shouldn't be. I lack the spoons sometimes

[bondsmagii]

I think I agree with you most people who are anti censorship are pretty chill and laid back.

Unfortunately the other day a fairly popular person in my fandom who had their ao3 suspended because, and I'm not lying here, an anon reported them or something for their ao3 tags saying that their fics about siblings should not be read as romantic. Like their ao3 is legit unusable for a month. I felt so awful that this one person decided to stir up drama like this. Theres always like one or two people who just. do not follow courtesy and it just creates this aggression between people who are anti censorship and others.

Also this whole sending people death threats and suicide baits is so terrifying. its so disturbing how casually people just say stuff like that. Like no ones behind the words behind the screen. Idk its messed up

damn, really? that seems like one of those issues that's automated, seems I know actual people deal with the tags on AO3. might be a delay, as there's so many of them, but it's not all run by bots or something. if it's a case of reader interpretation I'm sure this person could contact somebody about it. it doesn't seem against the rules? unless they were threatening or excessively insulting about it, in which case they might get caught under a harassment rule or something like that. (for example, if they tagged something like "if you read this as romantic you're a gross pro-incest apologist who's probably banging your cousins" or something; not saying that's what went down but just to use as an example... that would definitely be against the terms of service, lol.)

alternatively it was a decision made based on the fact this person was trying to dictate how people read their story, which... to be honest, as much as incest fic isn't my thing at all, I have to agree with. when you post your writing for others to read, you retain copyright over it (as in, your right to assert yourself as the creator of the piece) but you don't retain control over it. people are free to interpret it or read it however they like, and if you're not comfortable with that you have no business posting your work publicly. Death of the Author is a concept that we learn in basic high school English classes, and it's very much worth taking to heart. if you post something online, or publish a book, or put anything anywhere where it's consumed by people who aren't you, you no longer control how a person interprets it or what they take away from it. it can be frustrating, and I know from experience that it can sometimes be very, very uncomfortable (I won't go into specifics because I don't want to shame anyone, but some of my characters have been given traits or kinks that I am 100% not OK with, but hey! I knew the risk when I made them publicly available, so I'm just going to sit here and mind my business and not look at that shit.) but that's just how it works. if somebody posts something and then tries to shame, intimidate, or otherwise force people into reading their work the "right" way, I don't support that at all. clearly they're just not ready for their work to be out in public.

of course, this is just me going off about broader topics based on very little information, so forgive me if I'm way off the mark. my wider opinion still stands, though, and I definitely agree that there's a small minority on both sides that make it difficult for everyone. however, I will say that I consistently see more vitriol and threats from people who are pro-censorship than anti-censorship, and this is a pattern I've observed for almost 10 years now. there's something to be said for that, and I think ignoring it would be dishonest at this point.

[damienthepious]

no lizard this tuesday. have some pre-canon rilla/damien smoochin and discussion of [checks notes] uh death!!! it’s fun!!! im stress’d

No Aching Necessary

[ao3]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Sir Damien, Rilla

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Tuesday, Established Relationship, (im POSTING this for LKT but i won't put it in the tag because arum ain't here.), (maybe if i ever pin down a follow up for this feat. the lizard? perhaps.), self-sacrificing idiot vibes, Mild Suicidal Ideation, Pre-Canon, Communication, discussions of uhhhh death

Summary: Sir Damien feels love like self-immolation. Rilla feels a little bit differently about it.

Notes: I've had this idea for a while, because Sir Damien is nothing if not dramatic, and sir "self sacrifice is a knightly virtue!" seemed like the type to say this particular phrase on repeat. Basically just wanted to unpack all that I guess?? anywayyyy no thoughts brain scrampled egg. also this may have a part two someday? maybe? idk. there's potential.

~

Love, for Sir Damien, feels...

Eternal, and holy, and sacrificial. As in, it sounds of yet another litany in his mind, alongside the song of prayer to Saint Damien, alongside pleas for Tranquility, alongside fear and doubt and fortitude. I love you becomes too big for itself, it transforms, rather quickly, into-

"I would die for you."

Rilla stares at him the first time he says it, furrowing her brow, her dark eyes filled with concern. He kisses her frowning lips, gentle and aching, and when she kisses back her grip is possessive, firm, sturdy, and Damien melts against her as easy as wax beneath the flame.

The second time it bubbles out of him in helpless delight. She rolls her eyes and squeezes his hand almost too hard as she pulls him along to the next booth at the festival, distracting him with games and laughter until the throbbing of his heart eases into something more like joy.

The third time she only says I'll see you tomorrow, Damien, and glares hard at his back as he returns to the Citadel.

The fourth time he presses their bodies together and breathes it against her lips and-

She rolls him onto his back, sinking her teeth into his bottom lip and making him squeak and gasp, and when she pulls back she presses one hand to each of his shoulders, and the fury on her face is nearly thunderous.

"What's that thing you keep calling me, Damien?" she asks, inarguable and stern.

Damien blinks, panting as he stares up at her in confusion and desire and, suddenly, rising worry.

"Wh-what?"

"What is it that you call me? That romantic, poetic little name you have," she repeats, moving one hand from his shoulder to his neck, thumbing at his pulse.

"I…" Damien swallows, feeling her hand against the column of his throat. "M-my- my forever-flower?" he tries, his voice weak and wavering, and Rilla's eyes flash as the hand on his shoulder squeezes.

"If I'm yours," she says, her dark eyes utterly serious, her gaze inescapable, "your flower, then you're mine, Damien."

"Always," Damien breathes, and she blinks for half a heartbeat, apparently not expecting his easy (eager) acquiescence.

She shifts even closer, her voice lowering in both volume and tone. "You're mine," she says again. "And I intend to keep you, for as long as I am physically capable."

"A-ah." Damien's heart thuds, some delicious thrill at the idea of being kept. That she would- that she does want him, that she wants him enough to say things like that-

"Which means," she continues, her palm still warm against his throat as her other hand sinks into his hair, her nails tickling his scalp, "you need to stick around to be mine. I don't wanna hear you say anything like that to me. Understand?"

"But... but it's true, my love. I would die for-"

"You'd better not," she growls - growls, her eyes flashing, and a delicious shiver runs down Damien's spine - and her grip on his hair tightens, carefully angling his face up so that he looks her in the eye. "I want you, I love you, and I don't want anything to do with you dying."

"Rilla..." Damien swallows, looking down and away for a moment before he meets Rilla's eye again, hesitant. "You know, of course... I am a knight, my love, my flower. Each day, each mission is a risk. I take those risks willingly, knowing that I face potential fatality for the sake of my Saint and my Citadel. And, now... for you."

Rilla frowns hard, and then she kisses him harder, her hands firm and inarguable in his hair and on his neck for one long, searing moment before she pulls away again, and some of that righteousness on her face fades, her brow creased with distress.

"There's a difference between understanding the mortality rate of your career and you, apropos of nothing, claiming that you wanna throw your dead body at my feet, Damien. It's not romantic, it's not comforting, and I don't want to hear you say it. Why would you think that I would want to hear you say that? No one is asking you to die for me. I want you. I love you. And I can't fucking love you if you're dead, and especially not if you're dead for no goddamn reason."

"I never said-" Damien pants, his words slipping from his mind like trying to snatch a ribbon from the current of a river. "Not for no reason, it isn't as if-"

"Would you want me to say that?" she says, her voice almost- almost keening, beneath her frustration. "Do you want me to be eager to die for you?"

Damien lifts his hands, gripping Rilla's sides as if to keep her there.

"There is no reason whatsoever for you to even consider-"

"You can't know that for sure. Neither of us can. It isn't just your job that's dangerous Damien, it's the whole damn world. So, what if I do? What if I want to die for you, too? Does that make you feel good about our relationship?"

"I- well, I-"

"Does it make you feel good to think about me dying for you, or does it make you feel terrified?"

Terrified. Needless to say.

Needless, of course; Rilla's glare eases at the look on his face, at the way he freezes beneath her hands like startled prey.

"Exactly," she says, muted and gentle, and then she draws her hand through his hair, her other raising enough to cup his jaw. "I know... I know that being a knight is dangerous. I know because of how many times I've had to put one back together. Even just by how many times I've had to put you back together, even. I know- I know, intellectually, that losing you-"

She pauses, her breath doing something strange, her dark eyes too bright, suddenly.

"Rilla..."

She scowls as he wraps his arms around her middle. "I know it's a possibility. I know it's- likely, even," she says more fiercely. "But that doesn't mean I want to hear you say it, and it doesn't mean I want you to sound so goddamn eager to die. Got it?"

"I'm- I'm not- I don't-"

Eagerness does not come into it. Damien knows, though-

Damien knows what Rilla knows. As she has just quietly, sadly confirmed. The life of a knight is risk, inherent. More accurately, the life of a knight is sacrifice: his own safety in exchange for the protection of the citizens of the Citadel. The same exchange Sir Damien promised, in his heart, so many years ago to his Saint. It is likely, extremely likely, that Sir Damien will die in the service of his Saint and his Citadel.

And Rilla-

Rilla. Kneeling above him, curled down to place her forehead against his own, holding his face in her hands.

He would die for her. His heart aches for her, resounds like a bell in his chest, and he would die for her just as readily as he would die for his Saint, or his Queen. That is what she means to him, her equivalent place in his heart, what she does to him. He-

She bites his collarbone, sharp and sudden, and Damien yelps.

"Rilla!"

"You were thinking it again," she mutters, darkly, and then she kisses that same spot, feather light. "I just- I love you too much to hear you care so little about yourself." She lifts her face towards his, then, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Please. If you love me-"

"I do. My love for you burns like a wildfire, races like a waterfall, it fills me like-"

"Then you have to look out for yourself too, because I love you. And- and I can't always be there to watch your back and patch you back up. It's important to me that you're not- not trying to destroy yourself to prove a point about how much you-"

"Never," Damien breathes. He holds her a little tighter, then reaches to draw his hand through her hair. "No, that isn't... that isn't what I meant. I acknowledge the- the mortality rate, as you called it, but- but I hope, at least, to die nobly in my purpose. There would be no such end in reckless inattention to my safety. I swear."

Rilla frowns - nearly pouts, perhaps - and then she sighs as she bumps the tip of her nose into his cheek. "Alright. Okay. Thank you for... for listening. I know how- how much you feel, it's just- I can't do that. I can't hear you say that, especially not- not like you're saying it instead of... I just can't. Okay?"

"I understand," Damien says. "I will try to... to find more agreeable - less distressing, rather - ways in which to express my adoration."

Uncertain, whether or not he will be able to banish the thought from his mind, however. Occasionally it blinds him, when he looks at her, the breathlessness of his love, the need to protect and worship and bend himself to her merest desire-

But-

She desires, in no mere way, for him to be safe and whole, and holding her.

It still roils within him like a tempest, like waves and rocks and thunder, love like roaring and electricity.

But for her-

(Tranquility)

Sir Damien kisses her brow, kisses her neck, kisses her nose to make her wrinkle it and laugh.

Rilla loves him: miracle. Rilla loves him, like blankets and safety and hearth. Like sunshine, and laughing wind.

The soldier sings of death, as it walks ever by his side, but home- home will not abide such talk while the soldier rests inside.

He purses his lips. Unpolished, not without potential-

"I guess that's one way to think about it," Rilla murmurs, her cheeks a little dark, and Damien starts with the realization that he spoke aloud.

"Er- ah, well-"

"You really think of me as-" she pauses, bites her lip, then meets his eye again. "As... home?"

Damien exhales, overwhelmed by the strangely shy pleasure on Rilla's face, and then he tips his face up to capture her lips in another kiss.

"I do," he breathes, and then he kisses her again. "My forever-flower, my love... my home. Of course, my home."

"It- I think of you that way too," she whispers, and then she closes her eyes. "That's... why, I think. That's why it's hard for me to hear you say things like that. I know bad things happen, I know that homes- I know that things break. I just... don't like the reminder, I guess. I don't need it. I already learned that lesson too many times, y'know?"

Amaryllis of Exile looks down at him with a hesitant smile, her hand on his cheek scented vaguely of mint and smoke. Damien knows, yes. He knows what she has lost. He kisses her again, gentle and precious.

He loves her, and he knows that she loves him. So brave a love, in fact, that she will hold him and know she may lose him, and she will love him all the more fiercely in response.

[writhe]

like this week:

- we didnt have hot water for 4 days 

- stayed at a friend’s on their couch was was insanely nice of them but like it was extremely frustrating going back and forth with our landlord for 4 days and having to play keep-away with him and halli while having maintenance workers in and out of our house for 4 days, 2 of which i worked 10 hour shifts at work 

- in addition to the hot water thing we also had/have a gas leak which was the thing the landlord didn’t believe us about; it’s fixed now but like...the house still smells like gas and i’m concerned so like who ACTUALLY fucking knows 

- at work our ENTIRE server/network was out so it wasn’t just 10 hr shifts it was 10 hr shifts with absolutely NOTHING to do and i wasn’t allowed to leave

- halli has worms. not a huge deal but the vet expenses (related to worms and not) were around 160 which i can manage but doesn’t feel great in addition to all the other stress

- my dad selling the cabin, which is striking the grief chord and i literally CANNOT process it i am just aching so so fucking bad (my mom’s ashes are there and like....pretty much any of my remaining sentimentality w/ childhood. family is complicated but i always thought i could rely on that as one constant and it’s just...so unbelievably unreal) idk, imagine the thing you thought would never in a million years would happen, happening. i feel all my connections to place rifting so horribly and you know....it feels like the childhood i had was so different and so seperate from how my life is now it may as well be two different people 

- lost my phone at a park which caused me to cry which I am embarrassed about (olive found it and was so so sweet about me being unhinged)

- Halli’s tag came off so i had to go to petco to get another and i’m pretty out of it and he was doing great and then suddenly BOLTED and came unclipped somehow and i had to chase him through a SUPER fucking busy parking lot- it’s literally notorious how bad the traffic is in this lot, like there’s a lot of memes about it in my city. that in itself was terrifying and was also just...harrowing and super embarrassing

and like on the way out the door he ran up to this woman (he doesn’t really jump, but i think like it’s reasonable to be startled by a puppy charging at you) and she like recoiled and exclaimed and i was already getting like a ton of dirty looks the whole time i was there bc 1. ive been wearing the same outfit for like 3 days bc i haven’t been home and i think i might look dirty and 2. i was....pretty disassociated (NOT a word i use lightly) so I think there were things I was missing. Like, there were several times I couldn’t tell if people were talking to me or if I was just like....responding to what I was imagining them saying and it just felt so fucking bad to be like....that disconnected and separated from reality.  it hasn’t been that bad in years

[undyingsunshine]

YESSSSS YOU’RE BACK AND TAKING ASKS

14 and 15 for the most recent post, and I’m gonna come back with more too

Here we go!!!!

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title?

Honestly, it usually differs from piece to piece! Usually, though, the title comes last! (Though I do have a short list of potential titles for Li Cu fics stored away, most of which are just lyrics from songs xD Whether I end up using them or not, only time will tell!)

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

All of these tend to give me a bit of trouble xD if I was to rank from hardest to easiest however, I think I'd say titles are the hardest and tags tend to be the easiest. For summaries I usually just slap a portion of the fic in and then add a small almost-summary below it, mostly because I feel like giving a sample of the fic will be more effective than trying to give a succinct description? Kind of shows you what you're getting into before you've even clicked xD

Titles, I use a lot of lyrics from songs, especially ones that I think fit with the character. Though, this does sometimes mean my titles are... long and it can make it a little awkward when trying to talk about the fics themselves. xD

Examples include;

"Come with me, I promise the water is fine..." Which is a lyric from God Bless Eric Taylor by Marietta, a song that I relate to Li Cu somewhat.

This next one is the title of a chapter instead of a whole fic, but I'll count it anyway xD Chapter 2 of I'm Here is titled: "I have this dream that I'm hitting my dad with a baseball bat and he is screaming and crying for help..." which is from the song Father by The Front Bottoms.

I ideally try to make it so that the lyrics also match up with the contents of the chapter/fic. I'm Here's second chapter is all about Li Cu's nightmares, so I thought the title would be pretty fitting xD Honestly, thinking back maybe I could've added more types of dreams.... Ones that fit that title even more.... Small rewrite of that Chapter perhaps? I don't think it would be that different, but still... Would add more angst onto everything xD

The title for "Come with me..." Also sort of relates to the contents of the fic, but moreso in the following line that appears in the summary: "I need something else to comvince me I won't die."

Honestly these lines could have me ranting a whole lot, especially in relation to Li Cu. Just makes me think of all his conflicted feelings, and how he must feel when he drags his friends into the mess he didn't even make. (And these feeling really would increase after Su Wan blames him for the snake bite and getting Shen Qiong inveolved, and during just... the entirety of the time he, Yang Hao, Su Wan and Liang Wan are in the desert together. (ESPECIALLY when Yang Hao is being absolutely mistreated by the 9 families, like sheesh.)

It's just a whole lot of guilt, but also maybe some stubborn determination? Li Cu is very adamant on living just to spit in the face of everyone around him. Existing out of pure spite, but with friends involved, it's more like he's existing to fulfil a purpose? One that he feels like he's bestowed upon himself. Not Wu Xie, or Rishan, or anyone. Just him. He stays alive so he can protect his friends. He'll keep them safe, he'll get them home alive. He has to. And he knows that he will. Or else, what is he even persevering for? "I need something to convince me I won't die." In the fic, this could also be referring to Wu Xie, as he kind of marks safety by the end of the drama. Wu Xie being there means it's okay. It means he doesn't have to fight anymore. And in the fic, it also means that Li Cu can let go. Of Everything. Permanently. (I have so many branching ideas based on that 300 word demon of a fic, you wouldn't even believe)

ANYWAY I'LL STOP RANTING ABT THAT FIC MAYBE I'LL TALK ABOUT THAT FIC MORE IN DEPTH SOME OTHER TIME IF PPL WANT IT.

As for tags, I struggle mostly because I never know what's okay to tag? I'm afraid of tagging a fic with something if the content of that particular tag doesn't show up all that much in the fic? Unless it's something that's a potnential trigger, and then I'll tag it, even if it's small. Just ot be safe. But like. Characters, I don't tag unless they're actually there and present and doing something. If they're mentioned, I tend to not tag them since it's not all that crucial? For people to know they show up for a second? Idk, I like to be as succinct and precise as possible with my tags, because I know how annoying it is for tags to be clogged or for fics to have too many tags xD

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

I have a few, surprisingly! I'll choose two, both from the second chapter of I'm Here!

"Each one makes him wake up, terrified and shaky and wanting to hide or just outright stop existing; to become intangible, untouchable, safe. Of course, he can't actually do that, so instead he pushes the fear down and suffocates it before burying it in the backyard of his mind in the hopes it'll never be dug up again."

Something I try and do while writing is find ways to explain how I. Just. Experience life? (This is also present in Chapter 1 with the line "Further frustration gathered in his chest, making it tighten with stress before it shot up into his throat". Just little things that I've never really seen in words before? That I feel but never know how to accurately describe.) There's always the whole "let the void swallow me/him/her/them whole" thing in media that I love because, honestly, mood. But I guess for this I just wanted to word it differently? In the way I felt was most accurate to myself. Just to be in a state of which nothing can get you, be it life or that one imaginary demon that you sometimes think is lurking around the house at the convenient time of 3 AM, Y'know? When real life becomes TOO real and you just want to blip out for a second, just pause everything and have a moment to be free of everything xD

I also just kind of like the metaphor(?) with his fear. Trust Li Cu to not only associate feelings with violence, but also treat his feelings violently xD I feel like I'm not the best when it comes to imagery and creative expression, especially through words. I point out the obvious, the facts, a lot, both when speaking normally and in writing, and it takes a bit of time for me to remember that I'm writing a story and not jotting a list of events xD So anytime I actually come up with something more kind of creatively written, I feel particularly happy with myself.

"He can't even fully comprehend what's been going on - everything feels bizarre and just out of reach, moreso than usual - but what he does know is that Wu Xie is here and he's angry. The man stands above Li Cu, his cold calculating eyes burning him with wordless accusations that, despite their ambiguity, feel justified. There's guilt, desperation and denial crashing inside him like waves assaulting a rickety raft on a stormy sea. What these feelings are for, he doesn't know. It makes him want to plead for forgiveness all the same."

Let's be honest, Li Cu probably has way too many mixed feelings on Wu Xie. The man who simultaneously built him up and destroyed him. The man who caused him agony, but is also probably one of the best things to come into Li Cu's life??? Like damn, I think I'd be pretty conflicted if I was Li Cu. And things only get worse when, in this fic's timeline, Wu Xie essentially ghosts Li Cu out of guilt for what he did to the kid. This is taken wrong by Li Cu, and he ends up feeling abandoned. By his own kidnapper. I just feel like this snippet is pretty okay at capturing all the blame he puts onto himself, and captures some of the trauma that comes with the events of Sha Hai as well. I just kind of like how this paragraph turned out in the end. xD

6. What character do you have the most fun writing

LI CU!!! Absolutely Li Cu. I don't know exactly what it is but it just. Clicks with me? Or at least the version I write of himd does, it's probably not even close to Li Cu's canon portrayal xD Maybe it's because of the fact that I'm also an angsty, angry 19 year old that I feel as such? It's much easier to put myself in the mind of a teenage boy rather than a 40 year old man xD In terms of non DMBJ writings, I have OCs that I love writing for! Funnily enough, one is an angsty 19 year old boy with a lot of self-worth issues (ringing any bells?) and the other is an angry, confused and conflicted character that was modified to be a kind of living weapon, but had since escaped and repressed all their memories of what happened. Though, the memories eventually start to resurface and they begin to question themself a whole lot, with flashbacks haunting the corners of their mind and driving them deeper and deeper into guilt-filled despair.

In general, angsty characters with a lot of conflicted emotions are super fun to write for! To flicker around from thought to thought and dive into all the hidden feelings that a character can have. It's just super enjoyable for me xD

[berrykook]

can’t bear it (y!hs)

set in the overtime universe

in which hoseok is just trying to help you understand that he knows what’s best for you and you feel yourself start to slip

contents: yandere!hoseok, kidnapping, “gaslighting” / manipulation, vomit, gore / mutilation, good/bad little girl rhetoric

word count: 3.7k

a/n: thanks for the request !! i had fun writing it heheh

i’m tagging gaslighting in quotations because i feel like hoseok is like,, KiNdA gaslighting but pretty lightly

also idk why my mc’s always be throwing up LOL it’s just for a second i swear

my inbox is open for yandere requests! i do not write non-con, hitting (punching, slapping, etc.), or ddlg / ageplay (in this fic i included good/bad little girl rhetoric because i thought it would make hoseok seem more spooky but otherwise i do not write ageplay --- use of word daddy is ok)

lmk what u guys think!

*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ ゜ﾟ*☆*ﾟ 

Your stomach softly growled as you stared down into your takeout box of noodles and studied the way the sauce doesn’t cling to some vegetables. Hoseok ordered your favorite again, but you couldn’t remember ever loving this dish. He must have been referring to the time before he brought you to live with him (an incident in which your head was hit very hard).

Hoseok stared at you like he always did, refusing to eat until he saw you take the first bite. He sat with his hands folded, watching you and your hazy mind work through dinnertime. All you had to do was pick up your chopsticks and eat, but something in you could not bring yourself to do so.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Not hungry?”

Whether it was intentional or not, Hoseok’s tone never came out of the woods. He spoke slowly in low tones as if he was always ready to pounce on you. You wondered if he spoke to his employees the same way.

You gingerly picked up your chopsticks.

“You haven’t been eating well lately. Is something wrong?” Hoseok is wringing his hands now. You began to stare back at him.

You remained silent for a long moment before saying clearly, “Yes. I don’t feel well.”

Hoseok clicks his tongue, rising from his seat across from you to sit next to you instead. He rests his hand on yours. Hoseok wasn’t overly affectionate which you were lucky for at the beginning of this relationship, but you now felt touch-starved and undesirable. He held an immense amount of power over you and he knew it too.

“What’s wrong? Talk to me,” he mumbled, placing a palm against your forehead. “You’re not warm. I seriously doubt you’re sick, you never are. Tell me what’s wrong, please.” He leaned in closer.

You held back a huff of frustration, knowing how angry he got when you weren’t his perfect little girl. Hoseok knew exactly how to get under your skin and scare you shitless. If you weren’t careful and deliberate with every motion, every phrase, every word, he would catch on in a heartbeat and do whatever it took to show you he owned you. It only took three days in his basement for you to confess your love for him and start begging to be let out.

You fidgeted nervously, quickly glancing at the front door behind Hoseok. He hadn’t let you out in nearly six months and as much as you loved him, you were beginning to get antsy.

Hoseok was scary, but treated you well. He thoroughly explained on several occasions how much you needed him and how he loved you so deeply that it was in his very nature to keep you protected from the world like this. He even let you free from being chained in his basement after only a couple weeks, which was awesome! Hoseok never called himself your boyfriend, but you figured he was close enough. He fed you when you weren’t being bad and he recited his love for you often. It terrified you when you first met that time you woke up in his basement, but with time you found yourself believing him more and more. This was not living, but you were becoming so far gone from your past that it seemed like perhaps this sheltered life was what you were meant to receive.

Hoseok studied you deeply, noticing immediately how your eyes darted behind him at the front door. He sighed, mentally preparing himself to pull out all the stops to get the idea out of your pretty little head.

“Mm, baby, are you bored? Did you want to go outside?” He smiled a bit, stroking the back of your head and looking at you sweetly.

Immediately, you furrowed your brows and gripped his hand tighter. You opened your mouth to protest, but he cut you off.

“You must be tired of being cooped up in the house all day...don’t you want to see what’s out there?”

Hoseok stood up, placing a hand on your back to guide you up as well.

“H-Hobi, I don’t need to. I don’t mind staying inside…” you said bashfully, tugging his hand to lead him back into his chair.

His smile was wide like the Cheshire Cat’s. He reached to hold your face by your chin.

“No, I’m sure you must be going crazy being in here all day. Let’s go outside. Maybe you can run around a bit so your appetite can return.”

You weren’t stupid. You saw from the windows that Hoseok lived in a deep forest and made a lengthy commute each day to the city for his work. Perhaps Hoseok was feeling particularly sadistic today. You had been on your best behavior as of late - you listened well, ate when you didn’t feel ill, wore what he chose for you, told him you loved him and cuddled him and let him kiss you. His obtuseness came completely out of left field. You were the best little girl you could be - it made no sense.

“Hobi, I’m really hungry now. I would like to eat.” By the end of your statement, you were whispering fearfully as he was now leaning in close enough to kiss you.

“Don’t be silly. I saw you looking at the door. Come on,” he tugged you along, bending to tie your shoes for you.

“Hoseok, I really think I should go eat, please. I don’t want to go outside, it’ll be cold and dark and we’re in the forest, pl-”

“You know you want to leave. Don’t you? Wasn’t it only a few weeks ago you were saying you wanted to leave me?”

You’re crying now. “No! Please, I don’t want to leave, I love you, I swear! Hobi, I’ve changed!” Hoseok ignores your cries, pushing you out the front door with a smack on your ass.

“Be back in an hour, sweetheart. I don’t want the wild animals to find you.”

He slammed the door in your face and you began to hyperventilate for a moment. You knew he didn’t retreat from his spot at the door and he could clearly hear your cries. How did just looking at the door for a moment lead to this?

You spent a few minutes on your knees, bawling into your hands on the front porch. The tall forest prematurely made it nightfall at the ground level. After another few minutes, something caught your eye deeper into the woods. You stood slowly, hoping you were correct.

It was a car. A parked red van within walking distance of Hoseok’s house. Your legs moved on their own towards it. You were certain it didn’t belong to Hoseok as you kissed him goodbye from outside his black sedan each day. The drive to get away from Hoseok kicked in like a horse as you began running towards this car, desperate for help or some more information on where in the country the house was. If you were lucky, somebody would be in the car.

You were close enough to read the license plate when a searing pain shot through your leg and burned every cell in your body. You fell forward, coughing up a bit of your stomach after. You screamed for a moment, but then your body stopped taking in air effectively and you were left on the ground like a fish out of water.

You sobbed, desperately searching for a switch or button to release the contraption stuck around your ankle. Just a few yards from the car, chained to a tree was a steel bear trap that you stepped into perfectly. The claws dug well into the flesh on your leg, pouring blood over the forest floor as your heartbeat became erratic. Its jaws were locked far too strongly for you to pry apart. The house was barely visible to you now as the sun set completely and you were utterly stuck by this soccer mom van in the middle of god knows where.

The clock continued to tick as your hour of “freedom” was coming to a close. You wanted to throw up again at the sight of yourself. You nearly called out to Hoseok for help, but restrained yourself quickly. He was right - he always was. He was right for keeping you inside the way he did. You couldn’t even run half a mile into the forest without getting caught in a bear trap. The clinking of metal chains reminded you of your time in Hoseok’s basement and how cold it was and how hungry you became. You were hungry now as well, even through the nausea, and you let out a sad cry as your stomach growled angrily again. If Hoseok ever saved you again, you would eat everything he put in front of you with gusto. You leaned your head against the thick trunk of the tree you were chained to and watched the bugs on the floor crawl by. Your heart twinged as you missed Hoseok after just an hour apart. You felt you were no better than the insects you were watching. 

The pain in your leg was unlike anything you had felt before. You knew it was unrealistic to die from a bear trap, but you felt like you were at the brink. You had long since given up trying to claw the trap apart, stopping when the third of your fingernails split. The blood from your ankle made its way all over the white sweater Hoseok had picked out for you that morning. Hopefully an actual bear would come by and put you out of your misery before Hoseok could come by and chastise you for getting your clothes dirty.

Eventually, you heard his voice through the trees. “Sweetheart!” His voice sang and you panicked at the thought of how angry he would be that you got yourself hurt. You saw a light coming from the direction of your house and you braced yourself to soon be found.

You didn’t have the energy to yell back at him, so you waited for him to find you instead. Hoseok was smarter than you would like to admit and he obviously already knew that you wouldn’t make it far. Yet, he took his sweet, sweet time searching for you.

Eventually, his flashlight landed on your chest and you looked away, nervous to see him. He sighed.

“Oh, baby...look what you did,” he tsked. He stood above you with his hands on his hips, shaking his head. He made a noise of disdain when your lower lip began to tremble. “Hurts, doesn’t it? I would help make it all better, but you’ve been such a bad girl lately. I thought you knew better than to go outside, but I guess you just couldn’t listen to me.”

You covered your mouth to hide your snivelling. “I’m s-so sorry!”

“I know you are, baby. See, if you listen to me and stay inside like a good girl, then these things won’t happen. What am I gonna do with you?” Hoseok bent down to face level with you, still sitting against the tree trunk shivering in immense pain. “I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want to do, and earlier you sure made it clear that you don’t want to be in my house with me…”

You sobbed, reaching to hold his shoulders. “No! I want to go back home and be with you. I’m sorry for being ungrateful, I just want to be with you!” Hoseok clicked his tongue in disapproval.

“Is that really what you want, baby? You really want to come back and live with me?” Hoseok spoke slowly, letting you marinate in the ache of your calf. He knew you loved him. Putting you in solitary confinement for the first two months was more than enough for you to worship the ground he walks on. Some days, he just needed to tease you a little.

“Yes, please. I’m sorry, I’ll never leave you, I swear.” Hoseok stared at you with a smile before taking your face into his hands and kissing you for a long moment.

“Good. Jin-hyung is going to help you with your leg, okay?”

Hoseok fishes in his pockets before pulling out a silver key and unlocking the chains around the tree.

“Wow, baby, you must have really run into this trap for it to have closed on you so hard...we better take it out in the house.”

You stared at him in shock. “This...this trap was yours?” Hoseok smoothed the top of your head.

“Everything on this land is mine,” he hissed with a sweet smile. 

“B-but, I’ve never seen you drive this car. And why do you have bear traps!? You don’t hunt, Hoseok!” You are steadily becoming more hysterical and Hoseok sighs, hugging you to him. You holler at the pain of him shifting your leg.

“Baby, this is Jungkook’s car. You remember him, right? He’s taking his fianceè to Busan soon and they’ll need a car to hold their kids someday. He’s keeping it here because his apartment only gives him one parking space.” Hoseok kisses your cheek, rubbing your back when your crying intensifies. Ah, he’ll need to bring you back home soon before you lose too much blood. “You can understand that, can’t you?”

Hyperventilating on top of a foot caught in a bear trap had you lightheaded. You rested your cheek against Hoseok’s shoulder. “How am I supposed to get this off my foot?” You sobbed.

Hoseok cooed, rubbing your back a little harder. “I thought you knew what’s best for yourself...since you’re such a big girl and you always take ca-”

You cut him off with a wail. “Hoseok, please help me! I’ll die here, please!” He hissed at your yelling on his shoulder.

“Shh, stop that! Ah, I guess I can try and help you get back to the house. I thought you didn’t need someone like me…” Hoseok got started on unchaining the trap.

“No, I-I do need you! I’m sorry, I’ll never act out again…” you mumbled ashamedly. Hoseok heaved you up with a pained scream from you. He kissed your cheek in a lame attempt to calm you.

“Yeah? Are you going to be my good girl and stay inside the house?”

You cried a bit harder when he said this, remembering how you bawled on his front steps after he shut the door on you.

“Yes, I promise,” you whimpered.

“Good. Jin-hyung will be here in an hour to help fix you. Shh, don’t cry, I know it’s a long time,” he whispered to you. You cried all the way to the house and all the way down the concrete stairs to Hoseok’s basement.

“I don’t like it here, Hobi, please...can’t we go somewhere else?” Hoseok calmed your weeping by playing with your hair.

“This is what’s best. I’m here with you, my love...remember I love you so much.” He kissed your forehead softly. “We’ll get you out of this mess.”

You wrapped your hands around the sheets of the bed Hoseok placed you on and writhed in agony.

“It hurts,” you mumbled, still crying softly.

Hoseok cooed, “Aw, my baby…”

The anger within you began to rise like a tidal wave. Perhaps it was being back in this bed under Hoseok’s house, or perhaps you were finally understanding the lengths Hoseok would go to in order to claim you. The throbbing in your ankle aligned with a new throbbing in your head. Hoseok lay with you on the bed you woke up chained to all those months ago when he first took you. It took three strokes to the top of our head for you to snap.

“You did this to me,” you whispered, turning your face away from him.

Hoseok stopped stroking your hair as if he had just been doused with cold water.

“Huh? Say that again for me, baby, I didn’t quite hear you.” Hoseok tangled his fingers in your hair. You braced yourself for a harsh tug.

“This is your trap. I didn’t even want to go outside. I wasn’t even being bad.”

You didn’t force yourself to look at him as you spoke. You couldn’t even remember the last time you had stood up to him...was it recent? Wasn’t it during those first three days in his basement? It felt like a dream.

“I’ve been perfect these last few months. You kidnapped me yet I have been perfect for you! I didn’t deserve this!” You were steadily becoming hysterical. It felt good to let yourself become unraveled after weeks of living complacently in his clutch. Hoseok still hadn’t said anything, still keeping his hand gently against your scalp.

“How could you do this to me? I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me and you put me in a bear trap for what? Not eating my dinner? I didn’t eat because you make me sick!”

At this point, Hoseok began calmly rising from the bed and making his way over to your trapped foot. You barely noticed, too wound up in your angry rant. You didn’t care anymore. There was just no right way to be Hoseok’s victim, and there was no hope for escape either. You were surrounded by miles of forest and the only communication with other humans was Hoseok’s equally repulsive friends and two of them were moving across the country soon. You envied them and their stupid red van and happy little life. You had only met Jungkook and his fiancèe once, but they seemed to love each other deeply. You once wished for something like that, at least before Hoseok came into your life.

“You stupid motherfucker! Piece of shit! Fix my fucking leg, you asshole!” Hoseok watched you yell with blank eyes before cracking a slight smile. He chuckled, adoring the way your tongue was so sharp.

“Are you done, sweetie?” He massaged your calves. The pain in your foot almost felt as hot as the rage bubbling through your veins at the moment.

“You’re going to burn in hell for what you’ve done to me. Son of the devil,” you hissed.

Hoseok grinned wordlessly again before placing his hands on both sides of the bear trap and releasing its jaws with a manly grunt. A scream ripped through you, dying into dry sobs after a moment. You supposed it was good that he did it when you were furious and the adrenaline was pushing you off the edge.

Hoseok was panting heavily. “Baby, did you know that some animals gnaw their own limbs off to free themselves from bear traps?” You watched with a glare as he fiddled with the contraption. You prayed that he would be offended enough to just kill you already. “I haven’t seen it happen myself. Some hunters find bear traps inhumane for that very reason. I understand. The animal has done no wrong, correct?” The shoddy lighting of his basement cast a shadow over his face.

“I can’t imagine how it would feel to be so helpless like that...so scared and alone...you must have felt that way back in that forest, huh? Baby?” You refused to entertain him any longer. Hoseok was being oddly soft-spoken and gentle with his tone. It wasn’t often that he brought out this voice.

“You must be so upset, huh? Scared, maybe even suicidal. You might even feel like a lost cause.” The trap snapped back into its original open position with a clang. “I’ve never viewed you that way. All I’ve ever seen you as was my perfect girl, even when you weren’t being so good. I never lost hope in you. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to snap out of it and love me too and fucking mean it.” His tone turned angry for a second, but he quickly shut it down. You stared at how he held the open trap with such expertise.

“You might think you were being so careful and good, but I see right through you. I just know you so well, baby. I knew deep down, there was still a part of you that defied me, even though I just wanted you to be your best self. I knew there was still some part of you left for me to crack apart and mold to include me with it.”

You were much more dizzy now.

“I’m doing this for your own good. So we can be happy together.”

You caught on with a start, sitting up quickly. You couldn’t even get one word out before Hoseok swiftly grabbed your good foot with a heavy hand and positioned it on the plate of the open trap. He jumped back, successfully evading the teeth of the trap which were now clamped around your other foot.

You let out a gut-wrenching scream. Not only did you scream from the pain of the bear trap, but also from the pain of the cold basement, the pain of the thick woods that surrounded the house. Hoseok watched you thrash on the bed as if you were possessed. Both of your ankles poured out blood and soiled the white bed sheets you lay on.

“Honey, be careful! Look at what happened to the sheets,” he tsked. “Ah, look at what you’ve done. How did my silly girl manage to get caught into two traps in one day? What am I gonna do with you?”

You began bawling again as Hoseok remained standing over you. His voice remained sickly sweet and you found yourself yearning for him to taunt you with his usual nasty tone.

“I want to die,” you weep. Hoseok seemed affected by this for a second before reverting back to his calm stance.

He silently came back around the bed, placing a kiss on your forehead once more before making his way up the concrete stairs. You thought about calling out to him for a moment, but ultimately decided not to. Hoseok shut the door behind him, not bothering to lock it. You wouldn’t be able to walk anyway. He made his way to the kitchen, stretching as he did so, and opened a cabinet in search of some tea. Your cries were barely audible over the hum of the microwave heating his water.