#idk this is all very new my hair hasn't been this long since i was 12

[lovelaceisntdead]

I don't know what to do with my fringe. Do I leave her as she is or do I cut her different i do not know.

[carolmunson]

let's go, don't wait (e.m. x f!reader)

inspired by this prompt by @edsforehead - it's not exactly the same but i did my best! summary: modern!eddie's been single since 2020 and aside from getting his dick wet after weekend shows at the hideout, he hasn't been going out of his way for love until his friends make him. cw: 18+ for adult themes. alcohol use, swearing, some sexual themes. some discussions of bad parents. eddie had some sad parts of his childhood. all around this is a fluff piece so nothing too bad. (11k) eddie is 32, reader is 30. so older!reader i guess, idk. i already started writing the part two which is almost entirely smut.

Jingle. Click. Creak. “Mmmm.” Eddie knows that groan anywhere, the deep primal urging of a one Gareth Emerson and the giggles of his girlfriend, Tatianna Edwards. They stumble into the apartment, lips attached, hands grabbing and fisting each other’s layers from the cold. 

“Hi guys,” he calls out, his tone was as bored and annoyed as he hoped it would be. His eyes don’t leave the TV, transfixed on the screen while he watches another YouTube compilation of the best guitar solos of all time. He disagrees with most of them, but it’s enough to drone on in the background while he scrolls through his Twitter feed. He’s never even posted. Not once. Not even a picture on his profile. 

“Hi Ed,” Tati chirps, clicking the side table lights on. He can smell her Chloe perfume when she comes to give him a hug hello. Her arms wrap around him from behind the couch, cheeks touching, a few of her butterfly twists falling forward over his shoulder. 

“Did you stay in tonight?” she asks, pressing a glossy smooch to his cheek. “Sure did,” he huffs, arms crossing over hers in a semblance of an embrace. Her gold bracelets are cool against his skin, her gold rings match his silver ones. He thought when Tati entered the picture that he and Gareth would’ve started to drift apart. Instead, Tati became Eddie’s new best friend – Gare really took ‘date the girl version of Eddie’ to heart. They were two peas in a pod. “You should’ve come out, there were a lot of single girls there – you’re a good dancer, you coulda snagged one,” she sounds like a mother trying to set him up. Eddie tilts his head up and looks at her from below, her deep skin shimmering with the glitter fallout from her eye makeup. She always looks pretty with ease, even with her makeup smudged – like she meant to do that. 

“Oh, I’m sure,” he smiles tightly, but the look falls to something soft when Tati lets go and her almond shaped manicured nails rake gently over his scalp through his conditioned curls.  “You can’t just keep picking up girls from shows, dude,” Gareth chides playfully, coming around the couch to sit next to him, “They’re starting to get waaaay too young for you at the bars.”

“Yeah, perv,” Tatianna teases, ruffling his hair before curling up on the recliner closer to the TV.

“Can we please not talk about this again,” Eddie sighs, sinking further into the cushions. He presses on his eyes with the heels of his hands, “You do this every time you guys come back from a date.”

“We gotta get you on Hinge, or something,” Gareth says.

“Tinder at the very least,” Tatianna follows.

“Okay, I’m going to bed,” Eddie grunts when he gets up, a little dizzy at the speed before he finds his footing, “Don’t be too loud tonight.”

“Just trying to help!” Tati calls out, “You deserve to be too loud at night, too!”

Eddie sucks his teeth before he turns the corner to the hallway, disappearing for the night while his friends fell more in love. 

It feels like they’re disassembling a bomb. Eddie sulks in a seat at the kitchen table while Robin, Steve, Nancy, and Gareth chatter behind him. Jeff and his wife sit across from him with just as much excitement as the group opposite them. Eddie frowns, bangs too long over his eyes, hands sweating onto the back of his banged up stickered phone case.

“I think you should put the picture of the guitar last, it doesn’t have your face in it. I’d swipe past you,” Robin points at the screen in front of him while he tries to make sense of his Hinge profile. 

“Well you’re a whole lesbian Rob, so you’d swipe past me anyway,” Eddie’s clipped words make the group laugh instead of making them back off. His shoulders sink immediately. This was mortifying.

“She’s right though,” Steve pipes up, “They’ll think you’re some weirdo who's obsessed with his guitar if you — well, actually then maybe it’s fine…” 

“Why don’t you—” Jeff starts.

“You’re married and you’ve been with Alycia since 2014. Your opinions are void,” Eddie interrupts with a sigh. 

Jeff lets out a laugh from his broad smile, “Look, I’m just saying. Why don’t you focus on your answers to the questions rather than the pictures? Girls love stuff like that. You’re smart, you’re a good writer.” 

“Babe, they’re not gonna care about his answers if the first picture they see is of an out of focus guitar taken on an iPhone 4S,” Alycia cocks her head at Jeff, “Like, at least be honest with him.” 

“I know you’re squinting in that picture from Jeff’s wedding but maybe you can put that one first,” Nancy points to the screen and then scrolls down a little. It lands on a photo of Jeff and Eddie, both sweating from the night's activities. His dress shirt is unbuttoned half way down his chest, silver chains and tattoos on full display, tie tied around Jeff’s forehead like a makeshift Rambo. 

“Yeah, you look really good in it,” Robin agrees. 

“Wait, wait, wait!” Tati shuffles into the kitchen, “I got in touch with the photographer from the show two weeks ago at Wraith Bar and he’s sending me some pictures.” 

“You can use the six pictures you’re tagged in from the last three years,” Tatianna scolds, “You look like a bum in them.” 

The group frowns and tosses glances at each other, it’s true. The more recent pictures they had of Eddie were far and few between. He was either blinking or off to the side, blurry or ducking out of frame. Every picture where he looks like himself was either from a show or had Chrissy in it, and he deleted all of those three years ago.

“Stop, you look so fine in these,” Tatianna squeals, “The girls are gonna love you.” Everyone but Eddie huddles around Tatianna to scroll through the pictures. Some of him mid shred with sweat pouring down his chest. Some of him screaming into the mic, hair wild and wet around his face. There was one, that he begrudgingly really liked, where his head leaned back into the light with a winning Munson smile. It was when he heard the opening drums to cover ‘The Immigrant Song’ as a gag – but not really a gag ‘cause he loves that song. It gets everyone at the bar pretty excited – even if they only know the song from School of Rock. 

Eventually, Eddie isn’t even holding his phone, it’s being passed between Tati, Steve, and Robin while he dictates his answers to stupid questions. By the time his profile is finished, his head is hidden in his mass of curls, resting his forehead on his forearms at the table. 

“Are we done now?” he asks into the space between his face and the woodgrain. Despite the winter air flowing through the kitchen window, he’s overheated with embarrassment. There are suddenly too many people around, too much talking, too much giggling at his expense. He tilts his head back up and takes a full breath through his nose and out through his mouth – “Oh shit! You matched with someone!” “How? I didn’t even look at anyone yet,” Eddie’s brows furrow while his head slowly comes to center. “Don’t worry about it, dingus,” Robin chides, “Just talk to her.” Eddie takes the phone and looks at her profile. Rachel, 27, Vet tech. She’s pretty, soft eyes, great smile. He swallows thickly before he goes to his ‘Matches’ and types three letters that felt like they took ten years to write: Hey.

The chats start fast and die faster, some flirty banter here and there before he’s too nervous or quickly bored. His heart squeezes every time he gets a notification, a buzz in his pocket, a reminder of a message. Some girls don’t want a relationship and that’s fine, that’s just not what he’s looking for. Some girls ask the big questions first and he can’t answer right away. Some girls just aren’t his type and he isn’t theirs either. 

The first date he goes on ends with her excusing herself to the bathroom before they even get to order dinner. She doesn’t come back — he’s not even sure what he did. It started off fine, she was pretty with blonde hair and blue eyes. Fun and easy conversation, a voice that sounded like powder puffs and sugar scented perfume. If he blurred his vision a little, she could’ve been Chris. But she wasn’t Chris. 

Maybe that’s why she left. Maybe she got the vibe that he was preoccupied with her looking like his ex. 

Maybe it was because he said, ‘You remind me so much of my ex-wife,’ before they got to order dinner. 

His second date wasn’t much better. He was proud of himself for not going for another Chrissy look alike, but it was clear that this new girl was on a hunt for a husband. 

“So are you planning on getting the tattoos removed?” she had asked, pursing her red lips. He was surprised at how well her lipstick stayed on after eating a pasta dish. Whenever he wears makeup for a show, it smudges before the lights come up. 

“Uh, no why?” he asked.

“Just y’know, thinking ahead — family photos and whatever,” she shrugged. His mouth had never run so dry in his life. The chicken alfredo turned in his stomach. 

The third ended up being a quickie in the bar bathroom only for her to leave right after and unmatch him without as much as a ‘Thanks for a good night!’ He at least wanted to be a gentleman about it. 

The fourth fizzled out and neither of them felt the connection. 

The fifth felt weird because they had talked so much on the app that they didn’t have anything left to talk about when they went out for drinks. 

A month had gone by and all he had to show for it was five bad dates and dozens of unanswered chats. Eddie was found sitting in his bed in the dark, only the light on his phone keeping him illuminated while he thumbs through Instagram. Another app that he has for no reason, he never posts, he never shares anything. He just scrolls.

He wonders if Chrissy’s on Hinge. Eddie’s stomach lurches at the thought of coming across her profile. All blonde and blue eyes, all sweet and spunky, all the right answers to her curated questions. Photos of her in the Maldives, in her friend’s weddings, of her in Chicago after she moved. His heart hammers, sweat collects on his bare chest, heating up the chain lying flat against it until it sticks. He quickly swipes out of Instagram to his home screen, a photo of Robin and Steve flipping him off from the stage after a Corroded Show during load out. He holds his thumb on the app until all the apps shake, thumb hovering over the ‘x’ on the corner to delete the Hinge for good. 

What’s another three years of being single? 

“Ed?” he hears Tati on the other side of the door, her soft knock following her voice, “I got Indian and I’m not gonna eat it all. Gare doesn’t want it, you want it?” 

“Yeah, sure,” he hums. She opens the door and sighs at the darkness. He squints as the light pools in from the hallway and sees her lean her shoulder against the door frame.

“Are you in here sulking?” she asks, one brow raising.

“Yeah, Tat, I’m in here sulking,” he groans, laying flat on his mattress, “I like to sulk. Let me sulk.” 

“Don’t sulk,” she puts on a pout and flicks his light on, leaving the containers of rice and chicken saag. He groans when the light stings his eyes, tossing a forearm over his face. 

“What’s wrong?” she asks, her voice falling into kindergarten teacher territory. She never realized her profession would come so handy living with two grown men, “Why’re you being such a baby in here?” 

“I think I’m gonna delete the app,” he murmurs, still hiding under the protection of his tattooed arm. The pressure feels good on his face, releasing the tension starting to brew behind his eyes. He hadn’t eaten since his lunch period at work, the hunger was starting to catch up to him. 

“Don’t delete it,” she shakes her head, crawling onto the end of his bed. She takes her twists out of her jumbo claw clip and readjusts to pull them all back away from her face. Tati eases his phone out of his hand and slides her glasses on, flinging his dead arm off his face to use his Face ID. He whines, face scrunching is disapproval.

“I told you to stop doing that,” Eddie complains, sitting up against his pillows before crawling out of bed to get the food waiting on his dresser, “Do you have any naan or…?” 

“Do I look like a food bank, Munson? Damn,” she tilts her head and he raises his brows in a silent ‘Well, do you?’

She sighs deeply, “Yes, I have extra naan but you can only have it if you don’t delete the app and eat with us in the living room.” 

“Those are two totally different asks, Tati,” Eddie huffs. 

“I don’t make the rules,” she shrugs before starting to laugh, “Actually, I totally do.” 

The phone buzzes in her hand and Tatianna’s grin only widens when she sees the notification, “You have a new like.” 

“Whatever,” he shrugs, face laced with disappointment and frustration, “It’s gonna be another dud. Why bother if there’s no point? Like, this can’t actually be how people meet each other —“ 

Tatianna opens her mouth to protest but Eddie interrupts his own thought before she can speak, “You and Gareth are the anomaly.” 

“What if the sixth time’s a charm? She looks really cute,” She smiles, teeth bright against her smile, cheekbones glistening where her moisturized skin hits the light. 

He rolls his neck and sighs while Tatianna continues to encourage him, “Just try. You owe yourself that. Chrissy wouldn’t—.”

“Fuck Chrissy, Tat,” Eddie’s voice raises slightly, suddenly defensive. His chest burns at the sound of her name, heat rising up through his neck to his face,  “I don’t really give a fuck what Chrissy would and wouldn’t want. ‘Cause if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have to be on these stupid fucking apps.” 

“Whew, tell me how you really feel Ed,” she says while she stands up off the bed to walk towards him.

“Look, I get you’re still mad about how things went down with Chris. I know you’re still hurting, but you’re denying yourself a chance to start over — just shoot this girl a message. She seems cool,” Tati speaks so gently to him that he soothes instantly. She offers his phone, still open on the new profile — he’s hesitant at first but he takes it from her to look at the screen. 

There you are. You are cute. Your profile is simple: your name, age thirty, your opening tagline ‘idk i’m just out here i guess’. He lets a puff of air out of his nose at the sentiment — ‘Same,’ he thinks. 

“Fine,” he says finally, “I’ll look through her stuff and I’ll message her. Are you happy?” 

“Thrilled,” she smiles, “So thrilled that I’ll even let you have the extra samosa.” 

He follows her out of the room with his phone and food in hand, looking at her fondly when she passes him a tinfoil covered piece of naan in the kitchen, “You’re my best fucking friend, dude.” 

“I thought I was your best friend?” Gareth pouts from the kitchen table, D&D notes littered in front of him. 

Eddie scrunches his nose, tilting his head while he considers, “You’re alright I guess.” 

When the food is done and he’s gotten a proper look at your profile he decides to bite the bullet — fingers shaking while he matches back with you. He doesn’t start with ‘hey’ this time because Robin and Steve said that was boring, so he tries something new: 

wild that you’re just ‘out here’, me too. 

…

…

…

lol, twin behavior. how’s your night?

Eddie’s heart hammers at the response. He’s surprised at the reaction, he hadn’t had that with any of his other chats, normally expecting them to die off after the first ‘Hey, how are you?’ pleasantry. But maybe this could be different, maybe this could be fun. 

scored some indian food from one of my roommates so it’s one of my better nights. 

ooh, i’m so jealous. i have buyers remorse from some baked ziti i ordered. should’ve just made it.

what did you get?

chicken saag, still jealous?

i’m more of a saag paneer girl but consider me over here seething.

Eddie grins into the phone, cheeks hot while he thinks about what to say back. He skims over your profile again, eyes stilling at a photo of you laughing on what looks like a cruise deck. The sun hits you like a golden streak across your eyes. The caption reads ‘the last time i felt a single shred of genuine happiness’, he huffs an airy giggle before going back to the chat. 

you’re funny, did you know that?

um ya, i’m the funniest person i know, actually. 🥰

that's crazy cause i’m the funniest person i know. and since now i know you, it’s looking like we gotta battle for who the funniest is.

Jesus fucking Christ Munson, why can’t you just be normal? Why can you just say ‘lol’ and call it a night? He frets. His leg bounces while he waits for your reply, food rolling in his stomach. The cool metal of his rings is welcomed on his warm cheeks while he leans against his hand on the arm of the couch. The few minutes he waits for the buzz of his phone feel like eternities. But there you are to save him from his embarrassment:

lmao okay. where did you wanna battle?

there’s a bar in the city that i think could host. you around tomornight?

tommorow night* sorry, fuck, i was trying so hard to be smooth with it.

TOMORROW***** FUCK. LET ME LOG OFF FOR ETERNITY REAL QUICK.

yiiiiikes! embarrassing. but this proves you actually might be funnier than me. i’m not a sore loser so i’ll go on a date with you if that’s what you’re asking.

do you drink? it doesn’t have to be a bar.

i do! where did you have in mind?

there’s a spot called little spoon saloon in the city if you’re familiar. sorta cozy.

oh yeah sounds great for a battle 🙄

but yeah i know it, that’s not too far from my place. maybe we’ve seen each other before and never known it. two ships passing in the night~*

does seven work for you? i know it’s a monday, so we can do earlier if you gotta be up early or something.

sevens fine :)

okay :)

:)

:)

see ya tomorrow! Eddie bites his lower lip, breathing steadily through his nose while he sends over his number. Anything to get out of looking at the app for at least another day, anything to spare him from potentially running into Chrissy’s profile despite her being in a different state. It was getting close to the holidays, she could be around at any moment. 

Before he can spiral, his phone buzzes again – this time a text from an unknown number. His grin widens, too caught up in the excitement bubbling in his chest to feel Tatianna’s stare from the recliner. hi, it's me. jsyk if you don't reach out by like, two tomorrow -- i'm considering it a cancellation and i do have a 50% cancellation fee. sorry! 

50%? stop selling yourself so short, kid. but don’t worry, i won’t cancel. no? you’re not scared to battle? i’m never scared of a battle. :) (A lie.) see you tomorrow. 

“What’s got you smiling like that?” Tatianna smiles, cheeks tight from being unable to hide her excitement. “Are you talking to a girrrrrl?” Gareth teases. Eddie let’s out a ‘tssss’ while he stands up and stretches, quirking a brow at his best friend. “Is it a girl? You takin’ her out?” he asks again. “Yeah G, it’s your mom,” he shrugs, “Night y’all.” “Ed,” Tati whines, “Come on.” Pink floats across his cheeks, itching his nose to hide his goofy smile behind his hand. “Yeah, it’s a girl. And yeah, I’m taking her on a date tomorrow,” he groans. Tatianna squeals, shimmying with giddiness while the recliner rocks with her. Eddie’s too caught up in hiding his face, “Ugh, she’s cuuuute, Tati, what am I supposed to do?” 

“Show her what she’s been missing,” Tati shrugs, “Everyone needs an Eddie.” 

Last night, Eddie fell asleep caught in a memory that became a dream. He’s eight years old at the YMCA, Wayne sitting in the stands watching him – this is maybe two weeks after his dad dropped him off before he got sent to prison. Wayne wanted to make sure his schedule stayed the same as it could, so Saturday swim lessons it was – today was diving off the block. Eddie had been dreading this lesson for a month, knowing that level 2.5 meant you had to at least try. In level two, they had you stand on the block just to get used to it. He could barely breathe for the ten seconds it was up there, tears stinging his eyes while his teacher encouraged him to come closer to the edge. Three of his classmates had already asked if they were allowed to jump off. It looked fun but it was just so high up. What if it hurts? What if he landed the wrong way? He was up soon, standing behind the block with the rest of the kids, shivering from being out of the water. He could dive off the edge of the pool just fine – in fact, his teacher said he was a great diver, especially for an eight year old. So it should be no problem to dive off the block, he just had to do the same thing he always does. Just higher. 

Gareth, before Gareth was his best friend, climbs up the block and puts his feet at the edge of the white plastic and metal. His teacher, Miss Tiffany, tells him to put his arms up and bend his knees and to dive at the whistle. The whistle blows and Gareth leaps – but he doesn’t dive smoothly into the water. 

“BELLY FLOP!” Jason Carver yells from the edge of the pool where all the kids who already dove sat. They start teasing him relentlessly, Miss Tiffany helping him out of the water to inspect his red belly. Tears well up in Gareth’s eyes, his mom leaning over the bannister from the seating area. “Are you okay, baby?” she asks. Gareth burns red with embarrassment, only encouraging the cackling kids to get crueler. 

Miss Tiffany puffs her whistle three times, “If you tease again, you’re not allowed to go to free swim. Do you understand me?” 

The group quiets, slowly kicking their feet in the water. “Alright Eddie, you’re up next!” 

He gulps, climbing up on the block slowly before standing to full height with his eyes closed. He takes a deep breath through his nose and out through his mouth, like his Uncle Wayne taught him to do when he was feeling nervous. When Eddie’s eyes opened, a chill ran through his chest – for some reason the block seemed higher than ever. 

“Ready Freddie?” Miss Tiffany asked, treading water in her red bathing suit. She grinned up at him, knowing that the phrase always made him giggle – but not today. 

“Arms up, knees bent,” she continues. Ed looks down at the water and the room spins, he can hear Jason and the class giggling. Hear the splashes from the kicks of their feet. 

The whistle blows. He doesn’t move. The whistle blows, again. He puts his arms down. “You okay, Eddie? You can do it! You’re a great diver!” she cheers. 

Eddie chews on his lower lip, thinking about the smack of the water when it hit Gareth’s stomach. The laughter. The teasing. The potential of the pain. The whistle blows again. Eddie climbs down off the block, sniffling when he makes it back to the pool deck, “I don’t want to Miss Tiffany.”  

“C’mon Ed, I know you can do it! Do you want me to save you for last?” she asks, her smile still bright and encouraging. Eddie sniffles again, eyes burning with tears while Jason and his friends start to tease him, too. “Swimming sucks,” he bites, stomping towards the boys room, grabbing his ratty towel off one of the benches on the way in. He’s only in the locker room for a few minutes before he hears the door open and Wayne’s apologetic voice talking to Miss Tiffany from the deck floor.

“He’s just goin’ through a lot right now,” Wayne says, his gruff voice rattling off the metal of the room. 

“Eddie?” Tiffany’s voice calls. 

“Come out here, son,” Wayne calls, “Y’know, if your decent.”  

Eddie sniffles back his tears again, shuffling over to the door while Miss Tiffany waits with his Uncle.

“Do you maybe wanna stay a little late today and we can practice diving off the block when class is over?” she offers, “I know it can be scary to do it in front of your classmates, but I want you to pass to level three!” 

“No thanks Miss Tiffany,” he mumbles to the tiles on the floor. 

“That’s okay Eddie, maybe we can try again next week. How’s that sound? I know you can do it,” she says softly. 

“Okay,” he murmurs before turning on his heel and moping back into the locker room. Wayne was waiting by the check in desk when Eddie emerged after changing, his ratty towel slung off his shoulder. 

“You okay?” Wayne asked.

“Yeah, can we just go home?” 

“Sure kid, was gonna stop and get us some lunch if you wanted,” Wayne’s eyes crinkle with his smile, “Wanna go to McDonalds?” 

Eddie returns the smile half heartedly, “Yeah.”

They walk to Wayne’s pick-up hand in hand, despite some parents thinking he’s ‘too old’ to be doing that. He needed the support, and his uncle was never one to make him feel like he didn’t have it. 

“So d’you wanna try again next week? Your starting form was great, buddy,” Wayne asks while Eddie puts his seatbelt on. Eddie considers it. Getting to the edge of the block and making Jason Carver eat his own words. Making him look like a loser for a change. 

But the words ring in his ear ‘BELLY FLOP!’ The relentless teasing if he didn’t do it this week and then messed up next week. He’d be a baby and a joke. 

“I don’t wanna do swimming anymore, Uncle Wayne,” he huffs.

“You sure?” his uncle frowns, putting the car into gear, “You’re really good, Ed. Y’could be on the swim team.” 

“I don’t wanna come back. I quit,” he repeats. He crosses his arms while they pull out of the parking lot, watching the rest of the kids pool out of the doors with smiles on.

Eddie wakes up to his alarm blaring, back in his 32 year old body. He swears that the air of his bedroom smells like chlorine.

Eddie made sure to text you at 1:59 PM like an asshole. 

still on for tonight? :)

so close to having to pay my cancellation fee. 

but yes, still on for tonight :) 

sorry, work’s been wild today. would’ve texted you sooner!

you’re off the hook…

for now. 😡

He likes your little attitude, he decides. That little hint of sass in your messages keeps him on his toes and it’s not lost on him that this is probably how you flirt. He wonders, selfishly, how easy you are to fluster. You both exchange a few back and forths before he’s finishing up work for the day and heading to Wheeler’s for a campaign chat. 

The texts completely drop off while he gets ready to see you. He takes an extra long time in the shower, using the tiniest squeeze of Tati’s curl cream when he comes out because it makes his hair look good. He scrubs his face raw before shaving, following up with the skin care routine he kept up with, even though Chrissy curated it for him. 

Once dressed, he stepped quietly out to the living room to grab his jacket in the closet and pull out his boots. 

“You used my curl cream, I see,” Tatianna crosses her arms. He blushes. 

“Don’t be mad, I just wanna look good,” he puts on a faux pout, eyes rounding while he slides the leather over arms.

“You look really good,” she smiles, “It’s gonna be great.” 

Eddie shoves his socked feet in his Docs, worn in from years of wear, and looks up at her, “I’m kind of excited.” 

“You should be! I don’t know, I just have a really good feeling about this one,” she smirks, “Text me at some point, let me know how it goes.” 

“It’s a better indicator if he doesn’t text you, Tati,” Gareth says, coming up behind her, “You look sharp, dude.” 

“Sharp?” Eddie rolls his eyes, “What’re you? Eighty?” 

Tatianna clicks on her phone to look at the time, “Can you get the fuck outta here? You’re gonna be late!” 

“I’m going, I’m going!” he laughs, arms up while he grabs his keys from the hook by the door, “Wish me luck, bye!” 

Eddie felt sick. Suddenly feeling like he was standing at the edge of the pool in ‘98.

When he got his keys in the ignition of his Honda Civic, a text came through immediately. He swallowed tightly, in some way expecting it to be you. In some way, expecting you to be canceling on him. 

Instead, it was Tatianna in the big group chat: 

here, we made a playlist for you

Eddie clicks on the Spotify link and laughs. First Date - Blink 182

First Date - Blink 182

First Date - Blink 182

First Date - Blink 182

First Date - Blink 182

First Date - Blink 182

First Date - Blink 182

First Date - Blink 182

First Date - Blink 182

First Date - Blink 182 First Date - Blink 182 First Date - Blink 182 First Date - Blink 182

And so on. The music automatically connects, the opening guitar ripping through his speakers. Eddie quickly types up a response on his phone before pulling out into the street. 

very creative, edwards.

someone in this house has to be. ‘In the car, I just can't wait, to pick you up on our very first date. Is it cool if I hold your hand? Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance?’ He rolls his eyes as Mark and Tom serenade him in the car, laughing at the lyrics. It’d been a while since he’d listened to this album, let alone this song. While he won’t admit it to Gareth or his girlfriend, it was exactly what he needed before he got to the bar. 

‘Do you like my stupid hair? Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear? I'm just scared of what you think, you make me nervous so I really can't eat.’ “Let’s go, don’t wait, this night’s almost over,” he sings along, fingers tapping on his steering wheel while he waits at a red light. He’s on the fourth replay of the song by the time he pulls up. The ignition cuts off the lyrics before the chorus, he takes a big breath before opening the door. Just a couple minutes past seven, but he told you he was running a little late, so you wouldn’t be mad. His phone buzzes to Robin, Steve, and Jeff reacting to the playlist Tati sent. Alicia, Jeff, and Nancy sent him sweet good luck messages. Robin and Steve sent them a picture from a bar they were at, flipping him off. ‘Break a leg, dingus,’ came in her follow up voice memo. Eddie considers making this new picture his phone background. 

He swallows hard when he gets to the door, his bottom lip getting pulled between his teeth in apprehension. He nods to himself, “You got this, Munson.”  Another deep breath, he’s still ten, he’s still afraid to dive off the diving block. What if it hurts? What if he belly flops? 

‘What if you don’t? What if you dive this time?’ He thinks to himself. He opens the door to the bar, his ten year old self puts one foot on the diving block. The chatter of a few conversations at once is disorienting, so is the low light of the bar in comparison to the neon outside. The man at the entrance asks for his ID and he awkwardly fumbles for his wallet as if it’s not obvious he’s been old enough to drink for eleven years. “Here, man,” he says, somehow nervous he’ll get caught with a fake like he’s nineteen again. The security’s light flashes over his birthdate and he passes it back with a short and gruff thank you. Eddie takes a few steps before checking his phone to remind him what you said you’d be wearing.

in a red cut off sweatshirt, jeans that look like dickies – hard to miss! white airforces! i’m here, looking for you if you can’t spot me just approach the most off putting girl at the bar, it’s probably me :) 

He smiles into the light of his phone. You’re are funny. His phone lights up again, another text bubble added to your previous one. Eddie’s heart hammers in his chest when he looks at it, knowing you’re really only moments away. got you a guinness cause that’s what you said you liked on your profile. it looks like battery acid tbh. there’s a couple seats by the end of the bar, i’ll grab them. He looks up from his phone finally to see a blur of red start maneuvering over to the end of the bar. That’s you. Oh shit, that’s you. Oh shit, you’re – fuck. You have a fat fucking ass in those jeans. He swallows again, shaking the horny thoughts out of his head through the tendrils of his hair. Another deep breath through the nose, out of the water to the diving block just to dive again. He walks the length of the bar and hears his name, your voice in real life – not through a voice note or on your profile. “Ed?” 

Eddie catches your eye and his heart sinks and leaps so quickly he thinks he’s going into cardiac arrest. You’re real pretty, even more so when you grin at him from a few feet away. You wave him over and he does his best to walk confidently towards you, taking his jacket off while he does. He doesn’t know it, but the other girls at the bar are looking. He’s all broad shoulders and dark tattoos, two silver chains and understated rings. Full lips and doe eyes. Tatianna never told a lie, he was unmistakably handsome – he just didn’t know what to do with it. You toss your hair when you speak to the bartender from the end of the bar with a bright smile. The man puts two drinks in front of you and you leave cash in their wake. Eddie winces when he sees you pay, but tries to ignore the sting. In a way, it feels like he’s already losing – like he’s playing Sims with Robin and he’s not on track to get a gold reward on date night. You’re hot and you know it, but he can tell it’s like you just found out. Your eyes are flirty no matter what you’re looking at, you’re full bodied and it’s like you know it’s making him salivate. Eddie can’t help but be nervous when he takes a seat next to you, fingers immediately drumming on the bar top in front of him. “Guinness for you,” you say, sliding the pint glass in front of him. “Thanks,” he smiles, “You didn’t have to do that. I asked you out, you’re not supposed to be paying for me.” 

“I know, but – why don’t you get the next one and we’ll call it even?” you offer. He nods while he takes a sip, eyeing the lighter orangey liquid in your glass. “Did you get a cider?” he teases. 

“It’s a grapefruit beer, thank you,” your brows furrow at him while you take a sip. You have a good face, part of him wants to say that but it seems like a weird compliment. ‘Nice face.’ Like, what does that even mean? His tongue feels heavy, he can feel the sweat building under his curly bangs. “Weaksauce,” he laughs, scrunching his nose, “Grapefruit beer? Not for me, toots.” 

“Yeah, because you drink battery acid!” you tease back, “You’re a stout snob, huh?”

“Nah, just never heard of grapefruit beer. I always drink Guinness – or like, Miller light. Never really stray,” he shrugs. 

“You wanna try mine?” you ask, sliding the glass to him. 

“You sure?” he watches you nod and brings the beer to his lips. It’s tart, a little bubbly, hitting his tongue on the off beat from the stout before. It settles and then it’s sweet, he wonders if you’re the same. Eddie smacks his lips, “I don’t hate it.” 

“That’s such a stout snob thing for you to say,” you pull a face, bringing your drink back to sit in front of you. “I’d offer you a sip of mine but I know you don’t like it,” he smiles, “Wouldn’t want to ruin the taste of your dessert beer.” “Fuck off,” you shake your head and smile, taking another sip of your drink. The Guinness in his hand makes him feel less nervous, but not all the way – toeing the line of the end of the diving block but not scared to look down into the water. He can tell you’re nervous too by the way you pick at a hangnail on your thumb absentmindedly, the way you cross and uncross your legs. Eddie’s eyes linger for a moment at the way they spill over each other, squishing flat on the seat of the stool when you keep them uncrossed. He tries to discreetly follow the line of your thighs to your hips, up to your waist before getting ahead of himself and pulling his eyes away. 

“How was your day?” you ask. Not the question he was expecting. “My day?” he asks, brows raised while he tries to recollect anything before getting ready to see you. “Uh, my day was good. Yours?” You fucking dumbass, you couldn’t just spare one detail? She’s gonna think you’re an asshole. “It was fine,” you answer quietly. Your smile fades a little and he feels a panicked chill rush in his chest. “S-sorry, I should’ve elaborated. I sound like such a dick, sorry,” Eddie feels the heat creeping up on his cheeks, a clamminess starting up at his hairline, “I um, I went to work. Came home, went to a friend’s house for a minute and we talked about a campaign we’re putting together next weekend. I had some dinner, and then I started getting ready to see you and um – uh, now I’m here.” “Campaign? Are you a politician or somethin’?” you quirk a brow while you look him over. He feels insecure under your gaze, he hopes you like his tattoos.  

“No, no, it’s for Dungeons and Dragons.” Saying it outloud makes him feel like a loser, even though you don’t react like you think so. 

“Cool,” you smile. 

“Do you like, even know what that is?” Defensive already, waiting for you to make fun of him. Waiting for this to end up another mistake. Waiting to belly flop. 

“Yeah, I know what it is,” you answer quietly again, this time your shoulders, “Have some friends that play.” 

“Oh, cool. Cool,” Eddie nods, chest tightening, toying with his rings while you reach for your drink, “Um, I’m — yeah, sorry if that came off like, dickish. I didn’t mean to—.” 

“No, no, it’s okay,” you shake your head when you say it, almost like it’s rehearsed. Like you’re always ‘okay’-ing something. 

“Sometimes people think it’s weird when I tell them, I dunno,” he shrugs, still looking down at his rings, “If I’m being honest I haven’t been so great at this whole dating thing.” 

You smile again and he looks up in time to see it, his breath hitches. You’re very pretty. 

“If it makes you feel any better, I learned how to play Magic the Gathering twice to impress a boy. Two different ones,” you grimace, scrunching your nose, “Gross right?” 

“Oof, that’s rough,” he jokes, “Magic the Gathering? That’s like, way worse than D&D.”

“Well the difference between you and me, is that I don’t still play,” you bite back, cocking your head while you take another drink. “Didn’t impress those boys after all, huh?” he raises a brow and your mouth falls open in faux offense. 

“You’re so mean,” you gasp.

“Sorry, sweetheart,” he drawls, “Should’ve put that in my profile.” 

“Oh, so you are mean?” you grin. 

“The meanest,” he grins back, teeth straight and shiny. Full lips pulled tight against them, “How was your day?” “I worked,” you shrug, “Not as exciting.” 

“What do you do?” he asks, turning towards you on the stool, leaning one arm on the bar. He relaxes into the seat, legs spreading wide while his free hand runs nervously over his thigh.

“I’m a personal assistant to a jewelry maker,” you let out a half chuckle through your nose, “It sounds fake when I say it out loud. But basically, I just keep her schedule and run errands and keep her shit in order. She’s an older woman and she’s not the most tech savvy in the world — great at what she does though, really eccentric but I feel like you gotta be when you work in the arts like that.” 

“That’s cool,” he says softly, watching you talk, “What kind of jewelry does she make?” 

“Oh you’ll love this, since you like D&D and stuff,” you start, your excitement is infectious, his heart thrums, “She makes fine jewelry for the most part, but also makes anodized chain mail jewelry and wearable pieces for theater and ren fairs on the side. I told you, eccentric.” 

“Oh, so she’s a little alchemist, huh?” he smirks. 

“Kinda, yeah,” you shrug, heat hitting your cheeks while he keeps his gaze on you, “It’s cool to watch the first few times, and then you get bored.” 

“I’m sure it’s the same for people who watch my band,” he laughs. You shake your head, a curve pulling from the corners of your lips while you finish your beer. 

“Alchemist,” you repeat with a playful roll of your eyes, “You’re such a nerd.” 

“What do you do for work?” he notices you fully turn when you ask, your knees toward him. He remembers Steve telling him once that it was always a good sign when they do that. Like Steve knows anything about body language and dating these days, he’s been platonically attached to Robin for years. His little guard dog. 

“I’m a teacher,” he replies, knocking back the remainder of the Guinness in his glass.  

“Hm,” you hum, looking him over suspiciously, “That’s surprising.” 

“I work at a performing arts school,” he rolls his eyes, “It’s 2023, I’m allowed to have tattoos.” “What do you teach?” you squint when you look him over a second time, “Actually, let me guess – drama?” 

“Music theory,” he corrects. 

“Ooh, big brain,” you joke, “That’s cool.” 

“Big brain? I don’t know about that, I just like music,” he shrugs, “It makes sense to me.” “When I was in high school everyone always talked about how hard music theory was – like, all the band kids,” you explain, there’s a sparkle starting to glint in your eye when you talk to him. “You were hanging out with the band kids?” he tosses a sarcastic knowing look before taking his glass in his hands, “And I’m a nerd? I dunno girl, it’s not looking good for you here...” “Even worse, I was dating one,” you grimace back. “Fuuuuck, you were really fighting for your life in 2009 huh?” Eddie laughs low, lower lip tucking in between his teeth to run his tongue over it. 

“2007, 2008 all the way to like, 2016,” you hide your face in one hand and he wishes you wouldn’t. 

“Damn, that’s a long time,” he observes, “You didn’t marry that guy?” 

You lift your head back up, and shake your head, “It was on and off for a long time, he’s not a fan favorite. It’s uh – it’s why I normally don’t date musicians. I almost didn’t match with you ‘cause of your first picture.” 

Fucking Tatianna. 

“Eek, sorry,” Eddie puts his hands up, “Should I go?” “Do you play bass?” you wince.

“I play a lot of instruments,” he chuckles, “I can play the bass. But I’m not like…a bass player, if you know what I mean.” 

“Oh, I know what you mean,” you breathe out a sigh of relief, “Made that mistake more than once.” “What’s your favorite instrument that you play?” you ask, it’s almost girlish. He ponders it while you cross your legs, the toe of your shoe barely brushing the back of his calf but he knows it's there. You rest your chin on your fist while you watch him think about it. His brown eyes glint in the reflection of the light overhead, plush lips parted while he runs his hands over his stubble. “I think I’d have to say…electric guitar? I’ve been playing that the longest,” he hopes you think that’s cool. “Is it the same one that’s in your pictures?” 

“The Warlock?” he asks with a grin, “Yeah, that’s my girl. Best relationship of my life, prob’ly the only lady who talks more than me.” 

“It’s really nice. I like the color.” 

“Thank you,” he says quietly, eyes darting to your knees where they sit between his, “Um, can I get you another drink? Do you want a beer or…?” 

“If I get a real drink will you stop making fun of my beer?” 

“I promise.” He slides off the stool, sad to see your close proximity to him fade away when he stands up. 

“They have food here, right? I’m sort of hungry, if that’s okay,” your voice gets sheepish when you ask. 

“Yeah, that’s okay. Did you eat dinner?” The words fall out of him too fondly. 

“I had like, a huge spinach salad,” you explain, “Might not have been enough.” 

Something tells him to press further before he buys you more liquor, lest this date go to the wayside too quickly, “Did you eat lunch?” 

“I worked through lunch.” 

“Did you eat breakfast?” 

“I had a smoothie,” you confess. 

“Okay, so before I get you a drink, why don’t I get you some chicken fingers or something?” he insists. You’re shy in your smile back to him, nodding along at his advice. Yes, you should eat more before you keep drinking with him. He doesn’t want you to think he’s just trying to get you tipsy, he’s never been that kind of guy – even when he’d bring home girls from the bar. (They’d at least be the same level of totally obliterated as he was.)

He beams back at you when you nod, “Atta girl.” 

He doesn’t notice when your thighs clench. 

The last chicken finger is eaten, the last fry of the basket he got for you to split crunched through. The conversation had lulled, not because you weren’t interesting – the nerves were getting to him, creeping up like vines along his chest. The look over the diving block at the water, it’s slow waves teasing him to jump. 

“So um,” you began, swallowing your final fry and wiping your hands on a napkin, “Since you’re a teacher, how was school today?” 

Eddie’s so used to this question that his response doesn’t change, always the same quote from the same movie. Forgetting he doesn’t know you like that, his mouth moves quicker than his desire to play things off cool.

“The worst day of my life, what do you think? Gosh!” Eddie sounds more like John Heder in 2004 than John Heder does now – but when he hears himself say it, he’s immediately embarrassed. Eddie opens his mouth to apologize, nervous you won’t understand but instead – you laugh. And what a sound that is for him to hear. 

“Oh, shit. I haven’t watched Napoleon Dynamite in years. Like, not since grade school.” Eddie laughs with you, “Sorry, sorry, that’s like my go-to reaction at home when my roommates ask me that. I should’ve said something more normal like, ‘It was fine. The kids can’t stop trying to take TikTok fancams of me.”

“Roommates? Fancams? You’re so hip, tell me more,” you enthuse. He puts a finger up to stop you at first, locking eyes with the bartender so he can finally order another round of drinks. 

“What kind of real drink do you want?” he asks. 

“Just a marg on the rocks, salt,” you shrug. 

“Psh, I said a real drink,” Eddie teases with a roll of the eyes, but they soften when you go to argue back, “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” 

His toes inch towards the middle of the diving block.

“You’re cute when you’re mad,” he flirts. Eddie can see the heat hit your cheeks, the creep of a smile slowly curving upwards, you’re embarrassed. Nervous like he is. Maybe this is going just fine. 

When the drinks arrive he slides the margarita towards you and sips his own Jack and Coke slowly through the tiny bar straw. 

“Okay, so. I have two roommates. Gareth, who’s been my best friend since I was nine; and Tatianna who has been my best friend since I was twenty-nine,” he explains. 

“So why aren’t you dating Tatianna?” you challenge. You miss the straw when you reach for it with your mouth, it slides over to the other side of the cup. You try again and miss, cheeks burning while Eddie looks at you continue to fuck up. His eyes glint mischievously while you hold in your frustrated laughter, “Stop looking at me.” 

“It’s fine, I’ll wait while you get your life figured out over there,” he jokes, checking ‘the time’ on his wrist, “Shouldn’t be too long until you finally get it.” 

“You’re so annoying,” you grit out playfully while you capture the straw between your teeth, “Should’ve put that on your profile, too.”

“Anyway,” he continues, “I’m not dating Tatianna because Gare’s going to propose to her when they go on vacation in a few weeks.”

 “Oh! Yeah, that makes sense,” you nod, “Probably not a good idea to date your best friend’s almost wife.” 

“Yeah, definitely not well advised,” he shakes his head, pulling his hair up off of his neck for a minute before dropping it down, “Plus, her last name is Edwards and I dunno…don’t think I could live with myself if I was ‘Eddie Edwards’.”

You laugh again and he hoped you would. It’s a goofy laugh, you don’t try to sound cute when you do it. He knows you must be a loud laugher, if your small ones are any preview to what you could really do. You don’t sound like Chrissy. Her laugh was dainty, feathery. Like how they teach you to giggle in an etiquette class – all soft edges, all smooth lines. 

“You wanna take the girl’s last name?” you raise your brows, “Very forward thinking. Progressive.” 

“I don’t know, something about it’s kinda hot right?” he asks cock of his head, “Plus, my dad sucks so I don’t want to keep repping him by having his last name.” 

“Oh wow, my dad sucks, too,” you reply cheerily, “We have so much in common!” 

“What was it you said before? ‘Twin behavior’?” 

“Twin behavior, yes!” your hands meet both of his knees where he sits across from you, your tone is light and earnest, “You get me.”

Eddie takes in a hitch of breath, desperate to keep his cool when he feels your hands on him. It’s not even sexy but he could shoot straight to the moon if you asked him to. You use his knees as leverage to hop down from your stool, grabbing your drink before nudging him with your hip. 

“If we’re still battling though, there’s an air hockey table in the back room if you wanna play,” you offer. 

“Are you any good?” he wonders, hopping off the stool to follow you to the back. 

“I’m amazing,” you grin, “Actually won seventeen first place trophies in the intergalactic air hockey competition – of course I’m fucking bad at it, that’s why it’s fun to play.” 

Eddie laughs this time, it’s gruff and nicotine soaked. You’re already winning the battle for funniest person – you’re sharp with him and he’s starting to like it. He runs his hand over the side of the air hockey table in the empty back room, more and more pleased that he put this date together on a Monday. He slides a dollar into the machine so it whirs to life, the neon lights flicking on with a stutter. 

“This reminds me of birthday parties when I was a kid,” you muse to yourself, reaching for the hockey disc trapped in your goal, “Can you help me?” 

He nods, hand grazing your back to get you out of the way – you’re warm to the touch. If he was a braver man he would’ve pulled you into him but he’s not, instead squatting down to reach further into the goal where your game piece was. 

“Hm,” he murmurs, reaching further back and barely touching the top of it, “It’s in here, it’s just back there. I can get it, just –” he sucks his teeth like he did the night before, getting to his knees to try. Music plays over head, stuff the new crop of bar goers would consider oldies. You smile at the opening ‘Damn, shawty snappin’...’ of T-Pain’s ‘Buy U A Drank’, but even more surprised when you hear Eddie sing along softly to himself. 

“Snap ya fingers, do yuh step, you can do it all by yourself. Babygirl, what’s your name?” “Not you knowing the lyrics,” you laugh. 

“I was in highschool in 2007 of course, I know the lyrics,” he huffs, standing up, “I think it’s a bust for air hockey.” 

“That’s fine,” you shrug, “We tried.” 

“I know the club, close at three,” he lip syncs to himself before, turning his attention to you, “What’s the chances of you rollin’ with me?” 

You back and forth to each other in time with the lyrics before settling back down in your spot at bar. 

“You even know the Yung Joc part? Damn,” you laugh again, he loves it. 

“Why’re you so surprised? Is it the tattoos?” he asks. 

“Well yeah, you definitely give off a ‘loved Avenged Sevenfold’ in high school vibe,” you scooch your stool closer to his, your knees slotting between his open ones like a perfect puzzle. It’s not enough though, and he’s not sure if it’s himself or the Jack and Coke that encourages him, but he reaches for one of the legs of your stool to pull you closer. 

“Hey,” he says, your faces only a few inches apart. 

“Hey,” you respond. You catch his eyes flick briefly to your lips before they meet yours again. You can see the light smatter of freckles over his nose, long faded from the summer. 

“You’re right, I was really into Avenged Sevenfold when I was in highschool.” 

“I figured. I was into that whole scene thing, back then. All those singers that are mad at their dad’s and like, in retrospect, all hate women I guess,” you realize it as you speak. 

“I probably would’ve thought you were cute,” he guesses. 

“No, you would’ve called me a poser,” you correct, “Don’t lie.” 

He hesitates before nodding, “No, no, you’re right I definitely would’ve called you a poser. Did you like Fall Out Boy and all of that shit?” 

“Don’t shit on the music I liked,” you frown, “That’s not cool.” 

“I’m not, I’m not,” he assures, pulse speeding, “I promise, I’m not. I’m sorry.” You continue talking about music, high school, college, some ins and outs. Nothing too serious. Nothing too intense. But by now, Eddie’s feeling nice and if one thing’s for certain:

He wants to fucking kiss you. Toes at the edge of the diving block, Miss Tiffany’s whistle caught between her teeth. 

“So now that we’re three drinks in, can I ask you a personal question?” you ask, your eyes a little glassy. You’ve confessed that you’re tipsy, but aware, that if you have one more drink you won’t be – so Eddie already paid the tab. 

“What do you wanna know?” he asks.

“Why’re you,” you enunciate, implying he’s something, “On the apps? It’s hard to believe that someone like you would be single. Unless you have like, something deeply wrong with you, but you’ve been all green flags so far.” 

Your hand falls back to his knee and he eyes it before sliding his own hand down his thigh to lace your fingers with his. 

“You want the real story?” he asks, lifting your hand up of his knee to play with your fingers in both of his hands while he talks. His hands are warm and calloused on the fingertips, but the rest are soft. Lacing and unlacing, running his thumb up the lengths of your fingers, tracing your palm. 

“The real story.” 

“You gonna tell me why you’re on the apps after?” 

“Sure,” you nod. You look gentle, at ease. He eases in, too. 

“I got divorced in 2020,” he confesses. It feels like a weight off his chest to tell you, “Married my high school sweetheart, things were great for a long time, but y’know. People grow and – the pandemic was not kind to us.”

“Oh, I’m…I’m sorry to hear that,” you offer softly. 

“It’s okay,” he smiles tightly. “I guess I was both surprised and not surprised at all when she broke up with me. Almost relieved, I guess – that I didn’t have to play the part of her husband anymore. Not that she was a bad wife or anything, she was great she just – I don’t know,” he rambles, “And I don’t know, I just threw myself into work and my friends after. Girls after shows. Was too scared to like – go on dates incase it ended up like my marriage and –” 

He laughs, “My friends were tired of seeing me be so sad, I guess.” 

“You have such a solid support system,” you comment, “You mention your friends, like, every other sentence.” 

A beat. “I like that,” you nod and smile. He can’t get over how you look when you do that. 

“Why’re you on the apps?” he asks, your hand now cradled between the two of his, his fingers grazing your wrist. 

“I’m six months out of a six year long relationship,” you let out a breath through your nose and drop your shoulders a little, “Figured it was time to get back out there – enter my slut era.” 

“Oh yeah, you’re super slutty,” he teases, “That’s actually the first thing I thought when I saw you. ‘She’s in her slut era.’” “God, fuck offfff,” you giggle again. 

“But yeah, I ended it. I figure I should make that clear,” you say, “Just in case that’s like, a red flag for you. But I don’t know, we just weren’t growing in the same directions. Things felt done way before I left and I – I don’t know. I think I was just scared. I took some time for myself and now, here I am.” 

“It’s okay that you ended your relationship, it’s not a red flag,” Eddie’s voice soothes you when he says it, “If you told me you like, cheated on him and then hit him with your car then maybe yeah, I’d be a little concerned. But you’re an adult, you just know what you want better this time around.”

“Yeah,” you agree. Your eyes meet in a silent confirmation. His eyes flick to your lips for a second time before tucking his lower lip between his teeth again. 

BELLY FLOP! 

“You wanna head out? It’s getting a little late,” he offers. 

Your brows raise in surprise, “Uh, sure, yeah.” 

“Not that I don’t like spending time with you,” he assures, letting his fingers linger over your hand while he stands up, not wanting to lose contact just yet, “Just don’t want to keep you out too late.” 

“Oh yes!” you start with an old southern twang, “My daddy’ll be out there with his pistol if I don’t get home ‘fore sundown.”

“You’re funny,” he laughs, letting go over your hand to reach up and squeeze your cheeks affectionately. You both put on your jackets and head outside, both of you wincing in the cold of the winter air. 

“I’d really like to do this again, if you want,” a shy blush reaches his cheeks, meeting the pink from the cold. 

“Yeah, I’d like that,” you’re just as shy in your response, “This was fun. You’re fun.” 

“Thank you,” he flushes deeper, trying to prolong the inevitable. What if he belly flops? What if it hurts? What if the kids make fun of him? 

“I’d offer to drive you home but I’ve had a few,” he says, hand reaching out to fall on your shoulder, “I feel good to drive but like, god forbid anything happens so – I’m happy to get you a car or pay for it for you.” 

“That’s really sweet, thanks. Let me just um,” you pull out your phone to get in Uber with a speed that impresses him, “It’s really not that pricey, I’m close-ish by.” 

“Still,” he says, “Just wanna be a gentleman y’know?” 

“You’re very gentlemanly,” you flirt. Eddie stiffens, nervous, palms clammy. 

“So um, I’ll see you soon?” he asks, opening his arms to give you a hug. 

“Yeah, for sure,” you nod while you let him engulf you. His scent is warm and spicy, mixed with tobacco. You guess either still smokes, or he used to, but he never got up to have a cigarette in the hours you were at the bar. Eddie let’s go and cups your cheek briefly before giving you a gentle but winning smile. His warm brown eyes linger for the last time on your lips, now they’re slightly parted, waiting for him. His toes curl over the edge of the diving block, his knees are bent, arms up over his head...I don’t want to Miss Tiffany. 

Swimming sucks.

“See ya.” 

You quirk your brow for a moment, having expected much more than a hug, “Oh, um…see ya.” 

He walks half way down the street to his car, heart thrumming in his chest in embarrassment. He should’ve just done it. FUCK. He should’ve just kissed you. 

But what if it hurts? What if she leaves? What if you can’t make it to level three? What if they laugh at you? 

He breathes heavily through his nose while tears threaten to well up in his eyes, staining his eyelashes. What if you don’t want to see him again after this? What if you change your mind? He sighs audibly when he turns the key, phone auto connecting to the speakers. He turns up the radio while the car revs to life, pulling on his seatbelt and putting the wheels into gear. He leans back in his seat to pull out of his spot only to see you still waiting for the car outside of the bar. 

Blink-182 blares through his speakers, hitting him straight in the chest.

‘Let’s go, don’t wait, this night’s almost over. Honest, let’s make,this night last forever. Forever. And ever. Let’s make this last forever.’ 

What if he did stay a little later after class? What if he got the chance to move on to level three? 

Fuck it, he thinks. He turns off the ignition, shaking out the sounds of Jason Carver and the kids laughing, the sounds of their feet kicking in the water. Just Miss Tiffany and her whistle. He gets out of the car, determined. You’re still there, head whipping around to see him coming towards you while you bounce on the balls of your feet in the cold. 

Arms up. Knees bent. “Ed? My car’s gonna be here in a sec–” Whistle. His hands reach out to your cold cheeks to pull you in before his full lips capture yours. His eyes flutter close at the contact, feeling your mouth react to his in time. Soft and needy, hydrated. You immediately know how to keep his pace while he separates and goes back in for more. Wet but not messy, passionate but not feverish. The smoothest dive he’d ever done in his life. Your hands escape your pockets, fingers sliding behind his neck to pull him closer, sliding through the nape of his hair. He breaks away for a moment to delicately push your hair out of your face and really look at you before pressing his lips to yours again. You only stop when your Uber beeps from across the street. 

“I wanted to do that all night,” he mumbles sheepishly. 

“I wanted you to do that all night, too,” you giggle, breathless and blushing, “Thank you.” 

“Thank you,” he says, running a hand over his face, “Let me know when you get home, okay?” 

“Okay,” you nod, hurrying across the street as the car honks again,  “Bye!” 

“I’ll put something together for next time!” he calls out. ‘Cause there will be a next time. 

Tatianna is leaning over the back of the couch with her chin in her hands when Eddie opens the door. Her cheshire cat grin matches his own. 

“So I didn’t hear from you all night,” she starts, her voice syrupy smooth, “So that means it must’ve went really well.” 

Eddie sighs dreamily, kicking off his boots at the entryway and hanging his jacket on one of the hooks by the door. 

“Ooh, you like herrrr! I can tell! Look at your stupid face!” she laughs, pointing at him, bouncing on the cushions. 

“Tati she’s…fuck,” he shakes his head in disbelief while he walks towards her, “There’s either two ways this could go.” 

“Yeah?” she asks, looking up at him, “And those are?” 

“I’m gonna marry her, or she’s gonna absolutely fuckin’ ruin my life.” 

“I like her already,” Tati grins, “Sit down, tell me everything.” 

“Yeah, yeah, give me a sec,” he grumbles, his phone buzzing in his pocket. He plops down onto the couch while Tati grabs two cups of tea from the kitchen that she made especially for the recap of his night. Gareth had been long asleep for an early morning at work tomorrow. 

Eddie takes out his phone, two unread text alerts lingering on his home page. He opens them, smiling stupidly into the screen.

i’m home :) you’re a really good kisser by the way. 

glad you made it home safe. you are too. :) but you started off pretty kissable so, that’s probably why. you’re making me blush over here, stop it. 

Eddie lets out a soft chuckle through his nose, clicking out of your text conversation to go back to his home screen. 

He deletes the apps.

[irisxstardust]

— snow on the beach » e. williams

a/n: i've been obsessed with this for days now i had to get it out of my brain. if something isn't right or factual, no it isn't. hope u enjoy anyway. also idk if this'll have multiple parts i just ended it where it felt right. also i'm bad at summaries just read it anyway. based off the taylor swift song hyperlinked here.

summary: you're minding your own business when the familiar book in your hand sparks ellie williams' interest. a couple french fries and cold drinks later, you're on her surfboard learning how to surf; you've always wanted to learn, but actually learning seemed as rare as snow on the beach. so what happens when it snows on the beach?

cw: (very minimal) swearing, suggestive desc, its really just fluff tbh. didn't describe reader or their clothing/hair at all. surfing is a pretty inclusive sport as is so there's no worries there.

pairings: (loser) sufer!ellie x beachy!reader

wc: 2.5k

You stand up, quickly rubbing grains of sand off your backside before turning to face down your towel. Grabbing it by the corners you lift it up and sake it, clumps of sand falling away into the ground beneath you. 

The wind had been extra harsh all afternoon, leaving a fine dusting of sand all over your beach gear. You would huff, stand up, shake out your towel, and flop down on it only to repeat the process again twenty minutes later. 

You sit back down on the towel, picking your book up and flipping back to your marked page, little sand grains embedded in creases in random pages. 

The book was new, one you'd bought with the beach in mind, and all you wanted to do was read it. Obviously, the wind had other ideas - as did the universe. 

"Good book." 

You hum, head shooting towards the speaker. A young woman comes into view, hair short enough that it cups her jawline, wearing short black shorts and holding a cream-colored surfboard.

"That's a good book. I read it last year in my English Lit. class. Worth it," she nods, eyes glancing from your book to your face.

You recognized her from countless beach days prior - she always came alone, always left alone, and almost never spoke to anyone aside from a polite "morning" or "see you later" to other surfers. She was in some of your classes too, only the science or math ones, though, and you were fairly certain she was a STEM major. 

"Oh, yeah! I'm only halfway through but it's really good so far," you smile, "only got it to read here." You shrug and pull your legs in, sitting criss-cross on your towel, mind swimming as your eyes skim the girl.

"You come to the beach just to read?"

You roll your eyes, "it's not a bad thing - plenty of people do it." 

She doesn't respond aside from the nod of her head, eyes now focused on the ocean in front of you. 

"There's not many surfers today," you say suddenly, "watched them all leave a few hours ago." 

She nods, "yeah, I haven't been here in a while either; hasn't been any good waves recently." 

"Didn't look like it."

She chuckles, her eyes glancing over at you again - up, down / down, up. She scans your little area as if she was looking for something before bringing her eyes back up to your face. 

"You didn't bring any water with you to the beach?"

You shake your head, "I left my bottle on the counter at home." 

She exhales loud - laughing quietly, "Wanna grab something with me?" Her head gestures toward the restaurants on the boardwalk though her eyes stay trained on you. 

You ponder it for a moment before marking your page and setting your book on your towel. "Where were you thinking?"

She grins, "which is your favorite?" 

•••

"So, how long have you been surfing?" You ask, hand resting gently around your cool glass of water. 

She swallows a bite of her fries and leans back, looking up in thought. She finally looks back down and shrugs, "couple years. Ever since I moved here, basically." 

"Is it fun? It looks fun," you turn to glance at the beach through the window before turning back to the girl - now known as Ellie. "I love to watch people surf."

"Oh yeah, I love it," she smiles. "You've never tried it?"

You shake your head, furrowing your brows out of surprise, "oh absolutely not," you scoff. "That'd be like if it... if it snowed on the beach - fucking insane." 

She shrugs, "you never know until you try it." Her eyes have a devious tint to them, her voice suggestive. 

So you walk out of the restaurant together, across the beach to your towel and her board, little whips of excitement flashing through your veins. 

"Is it hard?" 

"Nah," she shakes her head and scoffs, "just gotta get used to it. You can practice here for now." 

She flips her board in the sand so it is facing the right way, waxy side up, and she pats it a few times with her hands. 

"The wax might feel a little weird but it's not really noticeable in the water," she says, resting on her knees to the side of the surfboard. "Uh, here, lay on it." 

"What?" 

"You have to lay on it," her face it blank, ears red. "You know... in the water when you start paddling towards the wave... you have to lay on it." 

"Oh! Yeah..." but your feet are unmoving. You stand there, at the edge of her surfboard, rethinking the position you put yourself in. 

"Here, I'll show you." 

She stands again and you step back. 

She drops herself on top of the board, straddling either side of it while looking up at you. "If you're just sitting there you can sit like this: one leg on either side of the board. It's easier to lay down when you sit like this." 

You nod, eyes scanning her sandy legs. Her top is digging into her sides tightly and you think that looks uncomfortable as she shifts her position. 

She shifts so she is laying on the board, stomach flat against it. "That's how you'll lay down. Just-" she does it again. "Like that." 

You nod, again. You're briefly rendered speechless while you watch her muscles flex as she lays down again. 

"Then," her voice snaps you back to reality. "When you're ready for the wave, you gotta jump up-" she props herself up with each arm holding either edge of the board while her legs jump to the center of the board. She stands slowly, "like that." 

She laughs softly as she meets you face on again, your eyes wide. "You do that in the water?" 

"It's not that* bad it's just... it takes a minute to get used to," she shrugs. "Wanna try?" She steps off the board into the sand behind her. 

"I don't really know anymore..." but you step over the board anyway, slowly lowering yourself onto it. You repeat her motions, just a little slower and shakier, as she watches from the side. 

"Oh see!" She says as you hop to your feet on the board. "You're basically a natural." 

You try to hide your laugh but it comes out as a snort anyway as you narrow your eyes at her. 

"Am not. I told you, it's like snow on the beach." 

She shakes her head, grin still plastered on her face, "but believe it or not... it really does snow on the beach in some places."

You snicker, "maybe I should learn there." 

She laughs, "just try it again! You'll get better." 

So you repeat the process again: sitting on the board, laying down, then jumping up. And again. And again. And - guess what? - again. 

Once you're not shaky on the board Ellie smiles and picks it up, "ready to actually try?" 

"Waste of time if I don't try after all that," you snort.

"See? Now you get it." 

You laugh and walk towards the water beside Ellie, swinging your arms by your side. 

She wades through the water, looking back to see if you've run off yet or not every so often. Once she decides you're both in far enough she pulls the board across the surface of the water to you. 

She helps you swing a leg over and onto the board, the back of it dipping a little. She scoots you forward, hand on your lower back, before she hops on after you. 

"Comfy?" She asks, kicking her feet a little and sliding up so your back is pressed against her front. 

"Oh, yeah," you nod sarcastically, "could take a nap right here." 

She scoffs, "I hope you drown." 

"Is that any way to talk to a friend?" You ask incredulously, feigning offense and surprise. 

"I wouldn't play so innocent, babe." She says, and the sarcastic tone is there, though you still can't help but to inwardly squeal and kick your feet at the pet name. 

The banter broke with your pause and Ellie began to talk about how waves work and the different parts of them.

You, however, were mostly only paying attention to the way the veins and tendons in her hands, that rested on your knees, flexed as she spoke. Your eyes traced her hands, from white knuckles to the tips of her long fingers, it was like you couldn't tear your eyes away from them. 

"You good?" She asks, one of her hands tapping your upper arm. 

"Yeah! All good," you lie, cheeks flushing with heat. "Just... watching the water," you mumble. 

She doesn't seem to entirely buy it, but she shrugs it off anyway as a small wave begins to flow in your direction. 

"Let's just ride this one out so you can get a feel of it," she suggests, kicking her feet and twisting the board so you both are facing the shore. 

Your eyes scan the sand, searching for any forms of life. It's pretty dark now, you think, everyone's gone home for lunch. We're alone.

The wave softly brings the board forward all the way up to where you started. 

"Not too bad?" Ellie questions, and you can feel her warm gaze on the back of your head. "No snow on the beach yet?"

You shake your head, laughing, "not yet, but the night isn't over yet either." 

She laughs and little wisps of her hair tickle your temples as she leans just *that much* closer to push the surfboard back out into open water. 

•••

"How 'bout this one?" Ellie asks, eyes roaming past you to the horizon, the wave standing proud as it pummels towards you. 

In the hours that came after your first wave, you'd managed to flip your position so you were facing Ellie. You completely forgot about actually trying to surf, only riding out every small wave that came from nearby boats. 

"Oh, yeah. How are..." 

"I'll just hop off," she shrugs. 

You pause for a second too long because Ellie is sliding off the board and pulling your leg to get you to flip around on the board. 

"Remember; lay down then hop up, kay?" She presses her hand on your thigh, giving you a reassuring squeeze before backing away and treading the water a few feet away from you. 

You inhale shakily, wondering if it was too late to back out. 

The wave comes quickly, and you twist the board with it, quickly finding Ellie's eyes as you turn. 

"Now!" She cheers, motioning for you to stand. 

You put your hands flat on the board and nervously walk your feet to the center of the board. You stand shakily, legs half bent and arms held out to try and help your balance. 

"Wait- Ellie!" You shout, watching the water crash down around your board as the wave pushes you towards the shore. "How do I get off-"

You slip back, losing one of your feet as you try to balance yourself again on the board. Before you can process what's happening, the world is spinning from view and you are splashing through the water, thousands of little bubbles clouding your vision before you close your eyes. 

You surface quickly, coughing a little from the sudden water intake, but Ellie swims up beside you, pulling her surfboard to your chest so you can rest against it. 

"That was great!" She laughs, "I forgot to tell you that you'd fall but-"

"I hate you." You say sharply. 

"Fun though?" One of her brows raises in curiosity and you can't bite back the smile that's slowly forming.

"A little," you pinch your words and Ellie grins.

"Wanna go in? It's getting pretty dark. Sharks like to come out at-" 

You make a face, "get me out."

Ellie laughs and holds the board as you push it down and sit on it again. The newfound, strong, waves push you back to shore quickly and within minutes you're shaking out your sandy towel and wrapping it around yourself. You dry off and cover your swimsuit with a sheer coverup, sliding on some sandals and putting your book in your tote bag. 

"That was... surprisingly the best day I've had so far this summer," you say softly as Ellie walks you back to your car, the leash of her surfboard dragging on the ground between the two of you. 

She smiles and glances at you quickly before looking back down at the ground, "was it the surfing or..."

"Not entirely."

She bites the corner of her lip before looking back up at you, "wanna do something else, then? Together?" 

"Got anywhere in mind?" 

"Town's pretty full of tourists right now but... I know a few places-" 

You point out your car in the lot, leading her down one of the aisles. You reach the car quickly, opening the trunk to throw in your dirty towel before turning back to Ellie. You hold the strap of your tote bag with both hands, like a little kid, as you skim Ellie's figure once again. 

"That'd be great. You have your phone on you?" 

She mutters some random answer before patting her wet and empty pockets. 

"That's okay," you pull a pen out of your tote, "I don't have any paper though-" 

"That's fine- um, here," she holds her hand out towards you and you wrap your hand around her wrist, beginning to write out your phone number on her forearm.  

"Let me know?" 

Her cheeks are pink as she nods, eyes reflecting the soft moonlight as she stares at you with the biggest star-eyes you'd probably ever seen. On the water, Ellie was some macho man, confident in herself and all that she put into the world; but off the water, Ellie looked like a scared little girl who had no idea what was going on ever.

"Thank you," you start, "for the lesson and lunch."

She smiles, breaking eye contact and looking at your feet before looking back up and beginning, "anytime. Seriously, if you ever want to go out again you can text me. I don't mind taking you out, I'll just have to bring another surfboard." 

You laugh before opening your arms and pulling Ellie into a hug. As you pull back you kiss her cheek, squeezing her shoulders.

"Oh, of course, I'm never taking anyone else to the beach again." 

She nods and laughs, almost choking on air as you pull away and towards your car. You get in and wait for Ellie to walk to her car before pulling off and driving into the road, heart pounding. 

You turn the radio up, hoping to distract you from your myriad of thoughts for just a moment. The song is halfway through, but you recognize the song almost immediately. 

I can't speak afraid to jinx it

I don't even dare to wish it

But your eyes are flying saucers from another planet

Now I'm all for you like Janet

Can this be a real thing, can it?

Are we falling like snow at the beach? 

Weird but fuckin' beautiful

Flying in a dream, stars by the pocketful 

You wanting me tonight, feels impossible 

But it's comin' down, no sound, it's all around

Like snow on the beach

a/n 2: if ur reading this i hope u enjoyed 🫶🏻🫶🏻 lmk if there's any typos. inbox is always open. love u all😚😚

[n0vabug]

Summary: Sam and Y/n go on a cute little date :), this is a short chapter so apologies😭😭. Also this whole thing is in Sam's POV so bare with me here.

Btw this was a request :)

Warnings: None just fluff

Words: 765

SAM'S POV

Me and y/n started dating about 6 months ago when we moved to New York together after the ghostface attacks and, Y/n has been kind of stressed out lately, so I thought it would be nice to give her a little picnic date, she's not really the most outgoing person, so small, quiet, calm dates are more her style.

"Close your eyes babe, I don't want you to see it yet"

"Okay, what is 'it' anyways?"

"I can't tell youuuu" I said with a grin on my face

I finished setting up the area, we were on the sand of a beach, the sun was about to set soon, I know she loves sunsets, there was a red picnic blanket on the floor, some of her favorite foods, and even some little canvases and paintbrushes so we could paint if she wanted to.

"Okay you ready? Open your eyes!" She moved her hands off her eyes, as soon as she saw everything, her face lit up.

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD, ITS SO AMAZING I LOVE IT SO MUCH SAM, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU" She ran up to me and hugged me very tightly. "You're welcome baby" I just melted into the hug and let her scent fill the air. I smiled while looking at her, her being happy and not stressed out, just makes me happy, I love her.

She spotted a butterfly in the air, she started laughing out of excitement, she loves butterflies, she gets so happy when she sees them, it's so adorable. I grabbed her hand and we both sat on the red blanket.

We ate and then right as we finished, the sun started to set. We both just stared off into the distance, she put her head on my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around her waist. We eventually wanted to just lay on the blanket, she layed with her head on my chest and arms wrapped around my waist.

"Sam, you know you didn't have to do this for me, right?"

"Yeah I know, you have just been so stressed out lately and I wanted to do something to take your mind off of everything, I hate seeing you stressed out and I just wanted to make you feel better." I said as I took her hand in mine and rubbed circles on her knuckles with my thumbs.

"Thank you Sam, I really appreciate it, like actually, this is really nice, I love you." We both sat up

I was surprised when she said that, she never says I love you, she tells me she hasn't wanted to say I love you after the ghostface attacks since the rule of, "don't trust the love interest," and she said it's not that she doesn't trust me, it's just she doesn't want to give me all of her love for me to turn out the killer.

"You said I love you?" I put my hand on her cheek, as she just averted her gaze away from me, she does this when she gets nervous. "Oh uh yeah, sorry does that make you unco-"

I cut her off by quickly pressing my lips against hers, the kiss was passionate yet soft. When I'm with her, it's like all my problems just float away and all the weight disappears from off of my shoulders, I forget about Billy and the stupid hallucinations , I stop having those anxious thoughts about Tara getting hurt when I'm not around, and I forget ghostface even exist. It's perfect.

We both pulled away as we were both out of breath. "I love you too" I tell her as I lay back down. She doesn't say anything, she just smiles and lays back down on my chest. One hand is playing with her hair while the other is intertwined with mine. We both lay in comfortable silence until we drift off to sleep. I love her more than anything, I want this to last forever.

A/N

IM SO SO SO SO SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING SO LONG, BUT YEAH SHORT CHAPTER, THIS WAS REQUESTED LIKE TWO MONTHS AGO 😭😭 SO IM SORRY FOR BEING SO LATE, BUT ON THE OTHER HAND I MIGHT DO TARA CARPENTER IMAGINES AS WELL DEPENDING ON WHAT YOU GUYS THINK, IDK LMK IF I SHOULD DO THAT THOUGH

[yankthoudong]

RWBY questions game

i never get anything for ask games so i decided to just do it lmao. skipped and deleted the ones idk what they mean or i don't want to answer. unfortunately tumblr's numbered lists are silly so theyre incorrectly numbered now https://www.tumblr.com/thuskindlyshescatters/755265757960601600/rwby-ask-game?source=share

Favorite debunked fan theory? Qrowdad no question. I kinda believed it at the time, and the way CRWBY have backed away from it is absolutely hilarious especially if they make poly STR real and Summer/Qrow is one of the only nonromantic relationships on the team. Doubly so if Rosebird Parents comes real.

Rank the soundtracks! 9 >>> 6 > 7 > 4 > 8 > 1 > 2 > 5 >>> 3. i do think v3's is noticeably worse than the others but aside from that and v9 going off there's not much differential for me.

Favorite Ruby ship? HARGH this one has been rapidly changing for me over the last couple months. i love NND and have for a very long time, it might still be my answer, but i've fallen hardcore for gemstones lately too. (artificial gemstones is excellent as well, i think penny/emerald could be really cool.) but i've also gotten very into the idea of post-v9 complicated emotions ruby/neo lately. artificial gemstones if you make me choose.

Pick a design choice for the new outfits! GIVE 👏 RUBY 👏 MORE 👏 BELTS more seriously i'm curious if ruby will have any colors representing those who have fallen. obviously penny is the big one but i also think it would be cool if she has a little rainbow sleeve or somesuch with Summer, Penny, and Pyrrha all represented. Maybe Lionheart, Ozpin, Clover, and Ironwood too, representing the more negative aspects of her guilt. Also Neo

Favorite redhead in the show? Penny.

Favorite lines? "So, when she's ready, I'll be there for her. And, I know we're not as close... but I'm here for you, too." all of Ruby's speeches to Qrow in 6x9 and 6x10 "She'll find herself. One way... or another."

Any characters you wish had lived? Penny, Pyrrha, Roman. that answer hasn't changed since v3 lol.

Any characters you wish had died? honestly, the only characters i wanted to die were adam and jacques, and they're already dead, so...

Favorite soundtrack moments? all the RWBY soundtracks since i got back into the show have released either on my birthday or a few days before and i don't notice them until my birthday. that's been incredible for me, it feels like casey is giving me a present lol.

Favorite visuals/shots? Penny against the moon in V8 i think is the best-looking shot in the show. i also love the moment when the dust clears in blake + yang vs adam, it looks perfect. all of Tea Amidst Terrible Trouble looks amazing, it's the best episode imo. the fight animation in everyone vs ironwood is so smooth and i love it, also crescent rose during the first 10 seconds or so of ruby vs the cat in v9c10. the look ruby gives neo at the end of the fight is really impressive to me too - they managed to animate her expression subtly while giving it as much emotion as a real actor would have. that look says a thousand words of concern and worry and understanding and it's so impressive that they pulled it off.

Best idea for a RWBY crossover? RWBY X Homestuck fighting game. I will sacrifice both Miles Luna and Andrew Hussie to whatever god can make this happen.

Most nostalgic part of Poser animation? i love the way yang's semblance hair looked in the old days. the maya hair is cool too but there's something about how it moved in poser.

Favorite location? visually, the house in TATT. emotionally, RNJRWYOQ's house in mistral still feels so comfy to me, i want everyone to move there at the end of the show.

Theory for the Relic of Choice? it allows you to pinpoint a choice in your life and visualize what would've happened if you'd chosen differently. i don't think it lets you actually go back and change it, though - just take that into account for any future choices.

Theory for the Relic of Destruction? i don't have a serious one but i do think it'd be really funny if it's just like. A Really Good Normal Sword with a spirit that tells you to Kill

Favorite Weiss ship? Bee's Schnees and particularly freezerburn. i'm not much of a fan of bumblebee honestly but freezerburn and monochrome carry bee's schnees hardcore.

What are you looking forward to seeing in Vacuo? Emerald Emerald Emerald i need her character development i need her being awkward with RWBYJ because she doesn't know if they'll continue to accept her

Favorite RWBYxJL character design? imma be honest i didn't like those movies very much. i like jess's design alright.

Characters you want to see redeemed? i would say emerald but she's hopefully not in question at this point. honestly i think all of the villains should get a genuine chance at redemption but my next answer is definitely Neo. my perception of purpose is that, when your purpose is fulfilled and you ascend the normal way (unlike Ruby), your new purpose has to do with bettering your old purpose. whether you had ineffective means or insufficient ends, your target is going to be the same. so i think regardless of whether she comes back as herself or someone else, neo's new purpose will be about ruby. this could be a really cool spin on redemption imo.

Favorite trans character headcanon? urghhh so many characters are so trans in this show. trans ruby is near and dear to my heart though. but trans weiss also kicks ass

What would be your Aura color/color theme? i think it would be pink and green. which one my aura would be idk but they're my two favorite colors and i like how they look together

Favorite voice performance? Lindsay Jones in v9 especially 9x7 through 9x9. they did an incredible job of letting Ruby's emotions pour through and i love how gravelly she got. i've never heard a high-pitched gravelly voice before and it sounds amazing

Favorite opening to sing along to? Trust Love. v7 also has the best intro sequence overall and i will die on this hill

Free space, ask me anything! if you have more questions you wanna hit me with send me asks! i'm always happy to get asked things about my special interests tagging @starlightsaphron @scp-bumblebee. also tagging @yangs-right-arm to be done AFTER she actually watches v9 :p

[swifty-fox]

How long has Burnout John been aware of Father Cleven? Maybe this is explored in your fic. I’m curious if he’s been watching him for awhile. I assume yes, since he had an inkling he’d be able to get Gale do what he did. But yet Gale also didn’t seem to recognize him.

Does Gale even believe in God and all the elements of priesthood—I’m assuming early on yes but seems to be questioning it now. I know in your first one it sounded like he joined because he as lost and lacking that familial support. What was his life like before the priesthood?

John seems to be bi/pan, how do you perceive Gale’s sexuality?

As someone who was raised in a religious background but now am agnostic/atheist, I’m intrigued by this whole fic set-up and where it goes.

Not for long, he grew up in Sheridan but hasn't lived there for almost the last decade. He recently came back to take care of his ailing grandmother

This close John could take in the details of him. He was as pretty as the first time John had seen him two months ago at six pm mass. Angular face softened by sleep, hair that was no longer tamed by gel and fell around his forehead and in sweet waves. A plain white t-shirt that stretched across his broad shoulders handsomely and clung to his tapered waist. His briefs were black and hemmed to mid-thigh, showing off the curves of him deliciously. -New WIP

Generally what happens with the church is they will assign priests where they are needed across the country/world. For instance my byzantine ortho church has a pastor from Ireland because he knows how to give the sermons in Ukrainian. Yes, it's a weird accent combo.

(Pastor whapped my brother right in the face with the holy water hence my giggle)

Gale does believe yes! Which is different from my KfaK Gale who doesn't go to church at all. But in this one I think Gale does believe but also wrestles strongly with his faith and feels like he's a fraud for not going into the clergy for the right reasons which furthers his issues with belief. I don't wanna get too into his life because spoilers but he was very much raised in an oppressive and unhealthy environment. Both his parents made it very clear to him that they did not want him around and resented him for it. it's a large influence as to why he struggles so much with fear surrounding his desires as well as this deep-seated need to be Seen. He learned from a young age it was dangerous and pointless to want things to be more or better, and was never given healthy attention by his caretakers so he craved it. I think pre-entering the seminary Gale did a couple of years community college and debated getting into astrophysics with a focus on black holes.

Gale is always gay to me! I can't picture him desiring women idk the show made him so sexless with Marge in my eyes I just can't see it haha. John is bisexual with a penchant for men in this au.

I was raised pretty religious to, at least surrounded by it. I was never pressured into it beyond getting my first communion to please my grandparents lol. But my Family are all Catholics of various denominations and my great aunt is a nun so

[shivunin]

✨ First Lines Meme ✨

Rules:  Share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able to and see if there are any patterns!

Thanks for the tag @greypetrel!

This feels like sorting things to my brain, so I am feeling very !!! about this rn. (Also. I didn't figure out how to change text color on tumblr until literally just now, so that's fun c:)

Zevwen, Cullavellan, Fenhawke

AO3 First Lines:

Byways and Lay-bys (Zevran/Tabris, 1,855 Words):

The fight was quick and brutal.

Palimpsest (Fenris/Hawke, 11,038 Words)

Hate had been scrawled over Fenris’s skin long ago.

As Two Reflected Stars (Fenris/Hawke, 12,436 Words)

“Well, what do you want to do, Fenris?” Hawke asked, crouched beside him with her elbows resting on her knees. 

Katabasis (Cullen/Lavellan, 25,324 Words)

“Dying.”

Sleight of Hand (Fenris/Hawke, 7,470 Words)

In the hours before showtime, Hawke sometimes liked to come to the stage and stand just behind the curtains.

Book of Memories (Cullen/Lavellan, 62,304 Words)

Echo—a basement or dungeon, dim and close and stinking.

Pour Forth (Fenris/Hawke, 3,845 Words)

The first time she said it, Fenris had just taken a crushing blow to his leg on the Wounded Coast.

Breath of Life (Zevran/Tabris, 7,562 Words)

“When I heard that the great Zevran had gone rogue, I simply had to see it for myself.”

Winter's Grasp (Fenris/Hawke, 4,834 Words)

Winter hung heavy over Kirkwall.

Your Fate for Mine (Cullen/Lavellan, bg Fenris/Hawke, 129,681 Words)

How long had they been running through this endless dreamscape of rocks and seas and the endless, roiling green sky?

Cracking up at Katabasis haha. I decided to do a couple of my WIP ones under the cut and I'll stick the analysis there, too, for neatness. But for now:

Tagging @scribbledquillz @heniareth @zenstrike and you!! (I've just realized idk how many of my new mutuals write fic and I don't want to pressure anyone who hasn't posted unfinished stuff yet! please count yourself tagged if you want to do this!)

WIP First Lines:

Aerolite (Fenris/Hawke, 4,214 Words so far)

Hawke was not unobservant.

Stardust in her Hair (Josie/Lavellan, 1,995 Words so far)

Josie had never really been much of a teacher.

When to Walk Away (post-Act 2 Fenris/Hawke, 1694 Words)

Hawke had finished fixing her clothes and hair before she stepped out of the Rose.

These Last Strands (Fenris/Hawke, 2,992 Words)

“Hawke will come for me.”

Signifying Nothing (no pairings/ Hawke & trauma, 3,544 Words)

“What does it say?” Hawke asked.

Contrivances (Zevran/Tabris, 2,252 Words)

Something had been weighing on Arianwen’s mind for hours.

Leave With the Tide (Zevran/Tabris, 698 Words)

Arianwen didn’t understand what Zevran was saying to her at first.

Analysis:

So choosing a very concrete and short sentence to start is definitely intentional. As a reader, I like to have at least one basic detail about what's going on before I dive into a story. If I have to wade through a lot of commas and clauses to figure out what's going on, I tend to check out a little bit.

I also like to state who is the POV character close to the beginning, which is why a lot of them tend to have at least one name in them. I think it takes out some of the confusion jumping into a story (and w/third person, since anyone at all could be talking, including an unseen narrator, I like to anchor the text to one person to start if I'm not describing a big, chaotic scene).

Beyond that, I like to try to reflect the mood and/or tension in the story with the first line.

YFFM's is long and sort of dreamy because I wanted it to mirror Elowen's sense of detachment from what's happening.

The short, hard start for Katabasis is like that because Salshira finding out that she's dying is like this giant, immovable rock dropped into the stream of her life. It's not something she can get around. It's a slap in the face. I wanted to mimic that in the flow of the text.

I also like to establish contradictions and circle back around at the end of a fic, so sometimes (Josie had never really been much of a teacher) the first line is directly contradicted within the next few lines or paragraphs (Josie was…for once, she was glad to have been wrong). Idk, I just like people lying to themselves. I like making it clear to the reader that their self-perception is a lie, an obfuscation, or an act of self-deception. Or---in this case, it's a way to exhibit that anxiety does not always play out the way you feared.

I also went through and looked at the last few fics I posted on tumblr, but I chose not to add those here because most of them were from the micro-fic prompts. Unlike the other things I write, I tend to pack as much information as possible into each sentence of those prompts, so I didn't think they were as indicative of how I write. Since sentences are at a premium, they just don't wind up flowing as well as other things I've written.

[shadowofwar-goober]

The Shaman and the Bard Ch. 19- To Khagukhôr

Hûra hasn't left his new clan for months, maybe years so when he was informed that he would be leaving for several months, he could only feel apprehension and dread as he wondered what exactly his Mystic elders wanted of him. Though it wasn't the only thing that Hûra dreaded, as traveling with the lead elder's favourite, Zog, was leading the caravan to the fort and Hûra didn't know if he could stand a weeks worth of travel around the uruk, let alone months of working side by side...

Warnings: Manipulation, Idk if what's going on between Zog and Hûra is Workplace Harassment or Bullying, Some Graphic Descriptions, Vomiting

xxx

Hûra stood uncomfortably before the Mystic elders. Most of them he had become… acquainted with long after he was brought to Seregost though there was one that he recognized from the day that he was sold to them in Cirith Ungol. Of them all, Hûra feared him the most, knowing that he was the one that picked him up and that he was the one that decided that his worth was only a few kegs of grog… He kept his head down and picked at his fingernails, chewing on the inside of his cheek as the elder looked him up and down. 

“Whatever is the matter, my boy? Stand up straight so we can look at you.” He tilted Hûra’s chin up so he would face them. His orange-red eyes darted between them all, uncertain of where exactly he should look. 

Instead of saying anything, Hûra held his tongue. As much as he wanted to ask why he was there, he feared punishment for speaking out of turn. Much like the Dark tribe, the Mystics ran on fear and if the young didn’t fear the old then the balance of the clan would be ruined. Or that is what the elders believe. The elder released Hûra’s chin, stepping back so the younger uruk was standing alone before the five of them. Hûra’s off white robes didn’t fit his thin frame very well. He was on the skinny side from never getting the rations he needed to grow but he had already grown used to having little to eat. He had to keep shrugging his shoulders to prevent his robes from slipping off his body. 

“Do you know why we have called for you?” The elder’s voice was smooth but there was a hint of something sinister underneath his pleasant demeanor. Hûra could never place it and it made his skin crawl.

“No sir…” Hûra shook his head. His braided hair fell over one of his shoulders and he shrugged it off. He picked at his sore, cracked lips with his teeth.

“Do not fear, you are not in any trouble.” Hûra looked up at him, watching as he walked over to the hearth where a fire was burning hotly. The building where the elders reside is the warmest place in the covenant but most of the young pups and novice and intermediate necromancers weren’t allowed inside unless they were invited. Hûra was barely novice so it was very unusual that he was allowed in, much less requested by name from one of the highest ranking elders in the clan.

“Kûga- '' Another elder looked over to the hearth, looking slightly annoyed, if not completely aggravated, to be called in for a meeting before a mere pup. Kûga looked over to him, smiling slightly.

“What? Do you doubt the choice I have made?” Choice? What choice? The elder that spoke up closed his mouth and set his jaw. He crossed his arms and glared at Hûra as though he had done something to offend him.

“Hûra, I believe that we haven’t been terribly fair to you since you have become a part of our clan.” Kûga had taken Hûra completely aback. What…? Did- Did he really mean that? Hûra carefully watched the elder’s expression and body language, keeping his face purposefully blank as he did so. 

“What do you mean, sir?” Hûra blinked as Kûga turned to face him fully, hands behind his back. Hûra didn’t waver as he stepped closer to him but he did prepare himself for a possible strike. It wouldn’t be the first time that it would happen for little reason and it wouldn’t be the last if it were the case. To his surprise, Kûga neither struck him nor invaded his personal space, though he did tower over the pup, making him feel small and anxious.

“You are a very gifted young uruk, Hûra. True, you may not be a gifted necromancer…” Kûga took a step closer and Hûra held his breath, almost flinching as the elder placed a hand on his shoulder. He didn’t bother to hide his disappointment from the boy, Hûra knowing full well that the Mystic prized necromancy over all other practices. He was still ambivalent towards the elder, not certain as to what the purpose of this meeting was. 

“...but you are a gifted osteomancer.” Kûga squeezed Hûra’s shoulder, his sharp nails digging into his skin. Hûra didn’t waver as he spoke though his heart did start pounding in his chest upon hearing the compliment. He knew better than to let it get to him but still he couldn’t help but to bask in the praise at least a little bit. 

“And as a gifted osteomancer, it would be wrong to deprive you of your birth right.” Kûga released his shoulder and brought his arm back to his side. Hûra’s eyes followed his arm, feeling more on edge after so many nice things being said to him. There is something for the elders to gain by flattering him and Hûra wasn’t sure exactly what that would be. Did they want him to read his bones for them, or was it something else? Hûra said nothing, waiting for his elder to continue. 

“We have all decided-” Kûga gestured to the older uruks around him. They all looked annoyed to a degree, some more so than others and even more looking dispassionate about the situation. Hûra doubted very much they had anything to do with this ‘decision’ but still he kept silent.

“-that you would benefit from some more… exploratory lessons.” Hûra was genuinely taken aback and unable to stay silent any longer.

“Excuse me, sir?” He blinked rapidly, struggling to keep his heart at bay. Kûga almost seemed pleased with this reaction, something that greatly set Hûra on edge. 

“There is a group of experienced necromancers that will be traveling to Khagukhôr. You know where that is, yes?” Hûra nodded hesitantly. 

“The… great fortress of Seregost.” Kûga nodded.

“And… who is the overlord of Khagukhôr?” Hûra blinked blankly and Kûga stared at him expectantly. 

“I do not know, sir.” The elder quirked a brow.

“Oh? Is that so?” Hûra stared back at him, unwavering and unflinching. 

“Yes, sir. I have never been taught who the overlord of the region is.” Hûra wasn’t lying when saying this. He blinked again as Kûga’s gaze lingered on him for an uncomfortable amount of time. When he still didn’t flinch he nodded and relaxed his posture. 

“Very well. Your peers will inform you on this on your journey to the stronghold. Be sure to mind them well and treat them with the respect you show to us, your true elders.”

“Yes sir.”

Hûra was sweating by the time he was dismissed. It was easy to cover up, as he was so close to the fire and he was unaccustomed to the warmth it provided but he greatly disliked how Kûga kept a close eye on him up until he closed the door behind him. Hûra didn’t dislike lying, especially to elders, but what he truly disliked was being grilled by an elder that seemed to know much more than he let on. 

Did he know that Hûra knew? How would he know that Hûra was a chronic eavesdropper, especially with how careful he was? Hûra didn’t believe that Kûga knew outright that he had a tendency to snoop but he likely didn’t trust him due to his origins in the Dark tribe. What if he chose him for that very reason? Hûra had to stop his thoughts from spiraling out of control. He hasn’t felt any excitement from the announcement that he would be traveling outside of the covenant for the first time in… what? Months? A year? Longer? Hûra couldn’t feel anything other than lingering dread and anxiety from the entire ordeal, though, his brothers would be the ones to make up for his lack of enthusiasm. 

“You’re leavin’ the covenant, brother! Why do you look so fuckin’ miserable for?!” Skoth was playfully shaking and pushing Hûra, who couldn’t look more worried and uncertain if he put genuine effort into it. 

“I-I don’t- OOF-!” Hûra was cut off as Mogg wrapped his arms around Hûra’s neck from behind.

“Can you at least try to be excited for this?! It looks like you’re starting to move up in the world-!”

“Don’t say that…”

“What?! Why?!” Hûra understood why Mogg and Skoth were happy for him but Hûra couldn’t feel anything other than sheer dread at the thought of catching that elder’s eye. He’s sure his brothers would understand why he feels this way if he explained it to them… but he doesn’t have any solid reason as to why he is paranoid. Not yet, anyway… 

“I-I just- Ah, I don’t know…” Hûra was losing steam and he allowed his shoulders to sag. Mogg was leaning over him and nearly laying on top of his back, pouting as he looked at Hûra from the corners of his eyes. 

“...I will be fine, Mogg. Don’t worry.” Hûra smiled a little, but it was a little disingenuous. They all certainly noticed this but they let it go. Hûra didn’t want to sour the mood but he couldn’t hide his anxieties well, either. 

“Why’re you goin’ out there? What’d they want with you?” Skoth rocked back and forth on the rock he was seated on. The wind was cold and he found it difficult to sit still even warm and satisfied. Hûra shrugged a little, chewing on one of his nails nervously. 

“They said… something about my osteomancy.” This piqued their interests. The Mystics only cared for necromancers for the most part. For them to show interest in anything else was unusual and never without particular, if not totally nefarious, reasons. 

“Really? ‘s weird…” Mogg rested his chin on Hûra’s shoulder thoughtfully. Skoth nodded in agreement. The four of them were trapped in an uneasy silence until Fûbar spoke up.

“...perhaps it is for monetary reasons.” The three of them turn to face him, a little surprised but not towards the wisdom of his words, merely the suddenness of his observation. 

“Y-Yeah… That makes sense…” Mogg sucked on his teeth and released Hûra. Hûra sighed softly as his shoulders sagged.

Of course it was only because they could get something out of him… 

It was difficult not to be sour over this revelation. Hûra was already feeling dread since Kûga was the one that decided he was to go to Khagukhôr with more experienced necromancers. Not only that, Hûra was almost certain that he knew who would be the one to lead this group to the fortress, and if he was right, it would mean that the next few weeks of his life would be hell. Or at least a different variant of hell than it already was. 

The dark black robe that wa\s slipped over his head by an older Mystic was nearly two sizes too big for him but he was shoved out of the way regardless. Hûra was surprised that they would allow him to wear the garb of an experienced Mystic, that they would want someone like him to be associated with their colours but maybe it was for yet another reason that was beyond his understanding. There was surely a grander scheme at play, though Hûra was largely ignorant to this at least for now. He knew to keep quiet and to simply follow whatever course of action was dictated for him by his superiors but it would be difficult, given that he was placed in charge. 

“Hmph-” Yellow-green eyes glare at Hûra as he walks towards a group of uruks slightly older than he is. 

They are all dressed in black, as he is, though their robes fit them much better and it’s clear that they were fitted to them specifically, unlike Hûra’s, whose robes were clearly loaned to him by a likely unwilling or ignorant uruk. Standing side by side with these older uruks, Hûra was close to many of them in height, some were taller than he was, some were shorter, their rank was apparent due to both their robes and the haughty air that was about them all as they turned their noses up at him with a sneer. 

“So the little misfit finally decides to grace us with his presence.” There was no mistaking that voice for anyone else. It was grating on the ears and Hûra was already frowning and on edge from it. 

Zog… 

“If I had it my way, we would have left you and been a quarter of the way to Khagukhôr already.” He narrowed his eyes at Hûra.

“Dimwit.” 

Hûra hopes that Zog’s face sticks on that stupid expression for the rest of his life. He was simply insufferable. Zog thinks he’s the greatest gift that has ever graced the land of Mordor but he was just like the rest of the Mystics that are in too deep, only he actually seems to believe the shrakh that he and that serpent Kûga spouts about during every morning and evening congregation. 

The other Mystics snickered at Hûra as his ears began to darken. Some things always remain the same, even if the faces and voices mocking him are different. He only swallowed thickly and exhaled through his nose. Hûra set his jaw and stared at Zog expectantly, who merely glared right back at him.

Zog was unpleasant on the eyes, sharp, yellow eyes set into sharp, angular features that didn’t compliment a single aspect of himself. He was free of any scarring on his face or his hands, unlike Hûra and his own brothers, who all had lived hard lives before being sold to the Mystics. Zog was a favorite since birth and this was evident in how he addresses others and carries himself. His hair was well kept and shiny red though interlaced with heavy greying, always in a neat braid and tied with a fine, black fabric far nicer than Hûra has ever dreamed of having himself. Zog’s robes weren’t like the ones that Hûra wore, clearly new and tailored specifically for him and his abnormally long torso and thin, scrawny frame. It wasn’t threadbare nor was it patched together, almost as nice as the robes the elders, themselves, wear on a daily basis. He looked down at Hûra from behind his flattened nose, diverting his attention from the younger uruks to the other, older ones. 

“If there are no more lollygaggers then we will take our leave.” 

Unlike the other, older uruks, Hûra was responsible for his own pack. He carried it over his shoulders with little effort, as he had very little to take with him. Everything he owned was long since confiscated from him and everything he did take was loaned to him, not actually his own, personal belongings. They were all expected to ride on caragor back, Hûra included. The other uruks had fine beasts of varying sizes but similar heath states, other than Zog, of course, who had a beast that was dark of pelt and that had thick, wooly fur and a broad back. It was a handsome beast, unlike Hûra’s, who was a tiny, scrawny thing that had patchy fur and a wheeze that was accompanied by the occasional wet cough. Hûra knew all these beasts moderately well, since he and his brothers, especially Skoth, often spent time in and around the caragor pens as a means to both pass the time and to stay out of trouble. His Feral brother had been complaining about the beast’s ailing health for months but it was all discarded, just like everything else they had ever tried telling their seniors. The other uruks thought this to be a great slight to Hûra, that his vanity was as deep and rich as theirs was but unbeknownst to them, the beast recognized him and perked up as Hûra offered his hand for it to sniff. 

“Here, take my pack-” Hûra flinched and fumbled as a bag was tossed towards him. He scowled and nudged it away with his foot.

“I won’t carry it.” The older uruk stared at him, almost shocked that he dared to speak to him at all, let alone to back talk to him. 

“What did you just say?” Hûra made a face.

“I will not carry it nor will the beast.” His caragor was already winded and trembling from effort and he wasn’t even upon its back. The uruk again looked at Hûra, still surprised but visibly annoyed. 

“You will take it.” Hûra curled his lip in irritation. 

“If you do not take it back up, it will be left behind.” And with that, he climbed a top of his beast, careful to not put too much strain onto it at once and brought it to heel as it shifted awkwardly. Hûra made his way to the other Mystics that were already mounted onto their beasts, leaving behind the older uruk staring dumbly at the caragor’s dry and cracked feet as it hobbled away.

If they expected Hûra and his beast to carry all of their packs, they were mistaken. It would be physically possible and surely they knew this… It wouldn’t prevent the lot of them from becoming irritated with Hûra for denying them a chance to haze him but Hûra didn’t really care. He had to knot his fingers into his beast’s balding mane and hold on tightly to its sides with his legs as it trembled underneath his weight. The other uruks and caragors inched away from him and looked disgusted at the pathetic creature underneath him. 

“Are you quite finished yet, dimwit?” Zog sneered at Hûra. He wasn’t even the one that was the last to join the group… Hûra kept his face neutral and relaxed his grip on the beast’s mangy hair, lest he accidentally rip out the little that remained on its withers. 

“The journey to Khagukhôr will be arduous but we will not stop should one of you fall behind.” The way Zog stared at him made Hûra’s blood boil. He didn’t waver from Zog’s gaze and the older uruk didn’t take his eyes off of him as he continued to speak. 

“We will arrive within the week.” Hûra narrowed his eyes.

This poor beast will be pushed to the brink of death… Hûra patted it on the side of its neck and it lifted its head at the contact. Without saying another word, Zog kicked his beast in the side and it took off at a brisk pace. All the Mystics followed Zog, pushing ahead of Hûra and his struggling beast. He expected that they would force him to the back but he was surprised they made him the last link in their caravan. The uruk that tried to force his bag onto Hûra glared at him as he passed him, spitting as others followed at his heels. Hûra curled his lip and settled into the back of the line. 

His crows were the only true company that Hûra had during that long journey. And the caragor, of course. It was such an ugly little thing but Hûra preferred it over any of these uruks without a doubt. They pretended as though he didn’t exist, leaving him out of their discussions and not answering any of his questions whenever he posed them.

“What do you think I am? A vatkeeper? I will not be your wetnurse, dimwit!” And when Hûra asked him what a ‘wetnurse’ was, Zog curled his lip at him and shoved him out of the way.

Full of shrakh bastard…

A week has never felt so long and grueling… Even in the harsh, wet chill of Cirith Ungol, Hûra was able to entertain himself and find at least a fleeting measure of comfort in her caves but here, surrounded by Mystics that couldn’t give less of a damn about him? It was difficult… He didn’t have his brothers at his side, always making sure that he was okay, that he was eating enough ,that he was sleeping in spite of not taking the draught that made them all sleep long and deep at night, that he wasn’t sad and that he smiled at least once throughout the day… All Hûra had were his crows and the caragor and even then, the other Mystics found reason to be gravely annoyed with Hûra. 

“Stop-! Stop it-!” One of his seniors, Flogg, seemed to particularly hate the crows that followed them throughout their journey. While they all swatted the birds away and occasionally threw something at them, Flogg became more and more incensed as the crows slowly began to realize that most of the Mystics generally bluffed when they tried to do them harm. 

Not Flogg, though.

He had his spear in hand and he was contemplating on which bird looked to be the easiest target. To say he was shocked when Hûra grabbed the butt of his spear and yanked it out of his hand would be an understatement. The pup had been a wallflower since he arrived in Seregost those few years ago and he had never spoken out against anyone in the clan, especially those that held even a trace of power in their grasp. But now? He threw Flogg’s spear to the ground, gritting his teeth and glaring at him with enough intensity to make the older uruk shrink away before he had the mind to square his shoulders against his junior. 

“Do not lay a finger on my crows!” Hûra’s tone dripped with venom and he took a step towards the older uruk. Older… but not bigger. Hûra had grown substantially since his arrival in Seregost and he stood taller than many in their Mystic clan and this was true for Flogg as well. When standing straight, he could only look at Hûra’s neckline and even then, when he wishes, the younger uruk could make himself even bigger and more intimidating from the sheer weight of his gaze alone.

“W-Wha-? Who the hell do you think you’re talking to, pup-!” Flogg’s body twitched as Hûra leaned over him.

“Don’t fucking touch my crows.” 

They were less than a day’s ride from Khagukhôr but they were all ready to tear each other’s heads off. Or, at least it was Hûra wanting to maul his companions to death and vice versa. They couldn’t stand each other as it was and tempers were running higher than ever, especially now that Hûra was no longer feeling pressured to behave in a docile fashion since his precious crows were threatened. 

“They are just fucking birds! Pests-!” Flogg raised an arm and Hûra swatted it away before he had the opportunity to strike first. 

“They are mine-!” Hûra was grabbed from behind and pulled backwards onto the ground.

“Shut the fuck up you dimwits!” Zog brushed his hand on his cloak as though touching Hûra was offensive and dirty. He looked disgusted at not just Hûra, but Flogg as well. 

“Have you forgotten that the crebain are precious servants to our Dark Lord.” Hûra growled under his breath and locked his jaw. 

Not his flock-

“And have you-” Zog turned to look at Hûra, still seated on the ground with his arm pulled over his mouth to hide the growing aggression that was becoming apparent on his face. 

“-forgotten your place as a junior and a novice?” Zog narrowed his eyes and Hûra glared up at him. When he tried to rise to his feet, Zog shoved him back down with the flat of his boot.

“Well?” Hûra narrowed his eyes.

“I have not forgotten.” Zog lowers his foot.

“Good.”

Zog leaves Hûra on the snow-covered ground, seething and gritting his teeth with enough force that he feared they would crack. He took several deep breaths, in through his nose, out through his mouth, until he became steady once more. The crows now kept their distance but they did not abandon him like Flogg had wished them to. 

He still isn’t alone… 

Hûra already wished he was back in the covenant, with his brothers, where his crows could be at peace… Anger and shame burned his cheeks as they continued on caragor back, his beast beginning to struggle to the point that Hûra was nearly on the cusp of jumping off its back to save it the strain of his weight. 

It’s only a little further, right…? 

A rancid smell hit Hûra’s nose before they entered an uruk-hewn valley. He curled his lip as his nose twitched, the smell at first a possible carcass that has been long dead and on the side of the trail or in one of the many outposts that dotted the way to the stronghold, but when a light breeze suddenly picked up, Hûra instantly doubled over and began to gag.

“URK-”

He nearly fell off his caragor as he leaned over, vomiting up the little rations that he had for the remaining day’s trek. It was a swift onset that left him gagging and dry heaving even long after his stomach was emptied of its meager contents. Hûra’s traveling companions all turn on their beasts and stop, their faces all a mix of disgust and sympathetically nauseous as they watch the younger uruk struggle to right his position on his mangy caragor’s back.

“U-Ugh- O-Ouug-”

“What the fuck’s your problem?” One of the older members of their caravan asked as Hûra tried and failed to stop himself from gagging repeatedly.”

“S-Smeee- E-Ehhh-” Speaking was difficult and his stomach was now cramping involuntarily. Zog scowled at him and snapped at him when he didn’t collect himself quickly enough for his liking. 

“What’s that? Speak up! What the hell’s wrong with you?!” Hûra tried to pinch his nose but it did nothing to lessen the smell of fresh and decaying gore that assaulted his sense of smell. He could taste it in his mouth and Hûra’s eyes were watering as he spat a mouthful of sick onto the dirtied snow.

“...’ell. T-The… s-smell…” The uruks looked at him, annoyed and confused. Hûra was beginning to get annoyed, himself.

“...you lot cannot smell that?!” Hûra nearly forgot that his nose was special and a rarity in Mordor. Even if he could smell a carcass from over a mile away, surely something that overpowering couldn’t be missed, even to dull-noses like them. But they all looked around, some tasting the air intentionally, something that made Hûra’s body ache with disgust but Zog just stared at him with that aggravating look that he always wore.  

“What are you talking about? There is nothing on the wind!” Hûra couldn't stop his eyes from watering. 

“Yes, there is. What is in the surrounding outposts? The fortress? Death in all stages surrounds this place.” Hûra stated it as a fact because it was. He was never told who was the overlord of Khagukhôr, or what going-ons happened there or in any of the surrounding outposts. Whenever he asked, he was turned away and ridiculed for his ignorance, or his stupidity, rather. Zog’s face didn’t waver as he stared at Hûra, almost testing to see if he would doubt his own senses when a senior uruk tells him otherwise. When Hûra doesn’t back down, when he asks, again, what tribe was in control of the fortress Zog tells him curtly-

“Hoshgrish the Scar-Artist, of the Terror tribe holds Khagukhôr.” Ahh…

Yes, things make sense now.

Hûra has only heard terrible things about the Terrors, most of which have come from Mogg, having been born into the tribe. Perhaps most of it was due to his gift, hemomancy, and being surrounded by so much blood had him reeling, much like how Hûra reeled during and after dinner while he was surrounded by bones. Mogg, like him and his other brothers, weren’t typical uruks and they all struggled to fit into the roles that have already been defined for them since before they were born. A tribe so focused on pain and suffering, of others and oneself, made Hûra nauseous to even consider but now that he has truly caught a whiff of it?

He is dreading coming any closer to that dreaded fortress. 

“If you are quite finished with the… theatrics.” Zog’s voice cut through Hûra’s thoughts and grated on his already frayed nerves. Zog kicked his caragor’s side and the beast snarled as it turned on its heel. The other uruks were following suit, with only one Mystic allowing his gaze to linger on Hûra’s pained face before he turned around as well. 

“Hrmm…” 

Hûra had nothing left to vomit by the time they arrived at Khagukhôr’s gates. He had thought that the Terrors were in control of the fortress but Hûra wasn’t sure if they were still in control when he was summoned in front of his elders. Overlords change like the violent weather in Mordor and there’s no telling if this Hoshgrish has been in power very long at all, especially given that Zog and his gang was on their way to flatter him as a means to gain more power for the Mystics.

Gods, that fort-

To say it was garish would be an understatement. Hûra never fully believed Mogg whenever he told stories about the terrible living conditions under the Terrors and how utterly disgusting they were in keeping the dying and long dead on display in all manner and fashion of pain and suffering. The gates had scarcely closed behind him and already he was totally overwhelmed with the smell, sound and sight of torture. Hûra was on edge as the Mystics pulled their caragors to a halt. He did not know what he was expected to do after they arrived at the fortress. The elder, Kûga, merely said that this was an ‘exploratory lesson’, whatever that was supposed to mean. Zog and the older Mystics in his caravan all made a point to ignore any questions he posed, taking great pleasure in seeing him grow more and more uncomfortable as they drew closer to the fort. Now that they were at their intended destination, Hûra awkwardly followed their lead as they dismounted, standing beside his poor beast that was trembling so violently that he nearly thought it would keel over at a mildly strong breeze. 

“We are departing for the keep.” Zog’s tone was matter of fact and Hûra didn’t know if he was speaking to him directly or to the group as a whole. 

The other Mystics followed Zog as he walked away from his beasts, several uruks hurrying over to take them to their pens. All of them looked beyond annoyed and they glared at Hûra. Though… the more he observed him, the less he believed they were targeting him solely. They all made a face as they watched the black-clad Mystics walk away and they viewed Hûra with weary suspicion, being a stranger and one from a group that they had every right to be distrustful of anyone wearing the colours of Sauron’s devotees. 

“Not you, pup.” Hûra scowled.

“What.” He wasn’t asking. Hûra couldn’t demand anything of his seniors but it wouldn’t stop him from dancing along that thin line. Zog looked over his shoulder, not quite irate but he was bordering on incensed. 

“Do you seriously believe that someone like you would ever be welcomed inside the fortress proper?” Hûra’s face fell though he wasn’t quite frowning. He was annoyed but said nothing else.

“Go do whatever it is that ‘osteomancy’ requires of you. Play with carcasses or whatever the hell it is you do in your spare time.” Hûra could feel his blood rising in his neck. 

“You already know the reason for your presence. Just don’t forget that anything you collect is not yours but the covenant’s.” Hûra was left standing in the snowy, muddy entrance where the caragors still stood, some bristling slightly as strange uruks approached them while the sickly one that Hûra rode in on hobbled over to him and nudged him with his balding muzzle. Instead of feeling anger for being left behind, Hûra felt a small amount of relief. 

“Come-” He tapped his caragor on the nose and it followed on his heels, the other beasts filing in behind the others with a little sharp encouragement on Hûra’s part.

“Where?” One of the uruks that came to take the beasts looked a little surprised that Hûra was addressing him.

“E-Eh?” Hûra turned to look at him. Instantly, all of their faces became weary as they looked into his eyes, but they seemed to hesitate as they weren’t sure what he was asking of them.

“The beasts. Where do they go?” One of the uruk’s eyes lit up in recognition.

“I-It’s… I’ll show you-” Hûra nodded and waited for him to take the lead. He didn’t move immediately, but when Hûra remained silent and waiting, he awkwardly shuffled forward. Hûra followed behind him, flanked by the beasts that seemed to be more loyal to him than their original riders.

@space-arsonist, @elvenmoans, @sinick, @dirtymeanuruk, @boozy-dwarf

[trashyandtiredsol]

Okay @kredena-dark you have unlocked an unskippable rant!!! :D

Some of this is just me explaining stuff, so don't mind that- actually idk I'm just info dumping rn, it explaining everything in full detail, but still explaining :P

Idk how long it'll be so- CUT TIME

💚Okay- posca pens!! Fuckin love those!! It's a liquid marker of sorts and there are thinner nib ones and thicker nib ones. There's also a very limited amount of color options. Which include pastel like colors, black, white, gray, silver, gold, basic color saturated colors, forgot if the green is more of a forest green or a more vibrant green tho :P

They can be so smooth and solid looking!! Which is what I like about them!! It's like markers but better!! :D

Really wanna get every single color for myself instead of only using them at school :/

💚 Woodworking has been going really great so far!! For woodworking 1 I took last year, it was introducing all the machines, taking safety tests on those machines plus ones for how to be safe in the workshop. It's where I made a box and a shelf were the drawer is now stuck in, which sucks, plus a phone holder with 2 holes for pencils.

Woodworking 2- very nice~ I'm working on another shelf, this time with 3 drawers!! And hopefully they won't get stuck :P. We also make a bowl, which I'll fully fully work on once my shelves done!! We actually learned a new machine for this!! It's able to make the wood rounded, so we can make a bowl and practice making the wood rounded.

💚Ink is a very nice tool for traditional art in my opinion!! You can put a blob of sorts and shape it however you want, then once it's dry you can use a sharpie or a pen or a fineliner sharpie pen to make something out of it :D

You can also just use the line pens and sharpies by themselves and create different values with thicker or thinner lines and I have shaky hands!! Which can really make your lines feel more organic in a way!! Also really helps me feel loose drawing!! But then sometimes it's rather annoying, like with digital art and when I want to make smooth straight and curved lines!!

💚 Speaking of digital art~

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HOW THAT'S BEEN GOING FOR ME SINCE I'VE STARTED DIGITAL ART!! :D

I think it was..... Less than a year ago? Around that long ago :P

Anyway- I've made myself my own Sona and it's great!! My hair color and just having a pixie cut hair works quite well with the cat ears!! And all the markings and just- everything that's gone into making them has been so great~

And the art apps I use!! It took a few tries with multiple other art apps and looking up which would work for a phone and what was free to use. But I found Infinite Painter and HiPaint and they are so great!!

I found Infinite Painter first off, and it's worked splendidly and hasn't crashed or glitched on me at all!! And the brush options are so nice!! It's a great beginner digital art app, it doesn't overload you with so many brush customizations!! Even though there still are plenty of customizations, you don't have to adjust them if you don't want to!! You can just change the opacity and size of it if you want!!

And then there's HiPaint!! I REALLY like the brushes this app has, it's actually so much better than Infinite Painter!! And you can customize the stabilizer!! I currently have it a 20%. I actually thought I'd have it at some higher percentage since my hands shake, but it's quite comfortable at 20%!! I could maybe slide it to 21 -25% , just for a bit more smoothness. And- this app has glitched out once before and it wouldn't let me do anything at all!! So I tried restarting my phone a couple times and that didn't work so I uninstalled it AND I FRICKIN LOST MY PROJECTS ON IT AJSJDJFJFFKDJF that fuckin sucked, but luckily I already posted the doodles I did on there and I screenshotted the sona sketch I did, but I did loose my linework and the start of me coloring it :/. But I did redo the linework and finished it all and it looks very nice!! So didn't really lose anything permanently!! It hasn't glitch again so that's good~

💚hmmmm I'm running out of what to add!! Might just leave this as is~

Idk I wanna show this as soon as possible so I can talk more about this with you Kredena!!

(this is mainly for Kredena, but to anyone else reading, I hope you like this all!!)

Ye you know what idk what else to add, probably all my head cannons and such for every fandom I've ever been in, but I don't even remember all of that rn so- this is it I guess, maybe at least for now!! :D

💚Update: BANNER IDEAS FOR MY BLOG HERE :D

I have some very nice ideas!! There's one with my sona wearing my in progress green scarf!! There's another with a winter setting with a certain way the trees would look that I really wanna try doing!! There's a flower pattern idea for spring!! I also wanna do one with a pattern with better pumpkins and fall leaves and candy corn!! For summer I'd probably do a Sona drawing with a sunny background with my sona wearing shades and, OH OH MAYBE STANDING IN AN OCEAN!! OH I LOVE THOSE CONCEPTS SO FRICKIN MUC AJSJDDJFJajsjsjdjsffjdjAHSHDajsjdhASJDHDjajsdj!!

[fonulyn]

3 fic questions:

1: Which fic took you the longest to write?

2: Which fic did you have the most fun writing?

3: Which fic was the "fine! I'll do it myself!" fic?

ohhhh these are so hard :'D but let's try!

...and I'm gonna apologize in advance because two and three are gonna have so many answers, but I've literally written over 200 RE fics so it's impossible for me to choose 😅 i'm sorry and bear with me.

only the courage to continue counts (Piers/Leon, re4 au, past!Krauser/Leon)

this one was easy lol. it took me a long long time mostly because it's 93k, which is like three times as long as my next longest fic. simply getting out that many words took a while! also, I almost gave up after chapter 4 because literally no one was reading it and I wondered if it's worth it to keep going. had a good cry about it, lol, and angsted about it for a bit. but re4 is my favorite (surprise!) so I decided it'd be worth it. and honestly? I think it was. it's a good fic. I'm happy with how it turned out. ...but i don't think i have another this long fic in me tbh, i just can't do it alone.

2. this is trickier because there's so many :'D first, the entire pinnacle of self-indulgence series because it's what I return to when I want something low-stress, no expectations, where I can just have them be as domestic as I want. it hasn't always been tons of fun, because sometimes i use it to vent other feels, but it means a lot to me.

smooth talking, Nivans, very smooth was also tons of fun, making Piers put his foot in his mouth repeatedly just because of how into Leon he is? :'D it still makes me grin lol.

also the other maybe-a-little-cracky-ones; maybe he's born with it (the is Leon a true blond??? fic), the prettiest agent with the prettiest hair (the Piers stress-braids Leon's hair fic), and how to accidentally get adopted - a guide by Piers Nivans (Piers accidentally keeps calling Chris "dad" and gets sorta adopted by him and Leon) - idk i guess I really enjoy writing stuff that's not exactly very serious :'D

i also had a shitton of fun writing three words to last forever, even if two of its three endings have major character death in them lol. but i've always wanted to do a choose-your-own-ending fic! so it was super fun! if i had the energy i would love to do another where you get to choose different paths, but they all lead to the same ending eventually.

others I had tons of fun writing include winter lovin' (there's snow one like you) where Piers and Leon vacation in Finland (yay!), you're feeding the fire within me where they get a dose of Rebecca's new Super-Viagra (a sex-pollen fic lol), driving deep into your heart which is a completely random au where Piers is a motorcycle racer :'D, carpe diem (seize the day) which is a smutty genderswap fic, and fall in love so easy where Leon learns he enjoys being called pet-names.

i'm just gonna stop now because otherwise I'm gonna end up listing twenty more. but honestly, like I said before, I've written 200+ RE fics so :'D this is hard lmao. I genuinely like most fics I've written. and I genuinely enjoyed writing most of them. I'm sorry this is such a non-answer :'D

3. this also has the potential to become a mess like question number two lmao. the vast majority of what I write is "fine! I'll do it myself!" fics. like, almost every single Piers/Leon fic I've written belongs in this category since, well, if I don't no one will :'D also a lot of my Krauser/Leon are things I wanted but didn't find (although I gotta give a shoutout to the pair in general, there are a lot of quality metaltango fics out there that I could never do).

aside from that, after scrolling through my fics, I realized most of the fics I wrote after not finding what I wanted to read are ...porn :'D lmao I often go look for something specific, don't find it, and have no choice but to do it myself!

as examples, I am the light that shall lead you to darkness (Wesker/Chris dubcon, I just wanted Chris to get nailed lmao), without hope, without fear (Jason/Leon monsterfucking, and I gotta say, I'm still bummed the pairing didn't take off at all it's got all kinds of potential goddamnit [also I keep wanting to write another of these two but ehhh] but i won't rant more here), on an all time high (Leon/Queen Plaga, I just... had a major need :'D), lost control (Leon/Lickers, what can I say, I had a major need lmaooo), kiss before the fall (Jake/Piers, this pairing deserves so much more love ok), ravishing (Chris/Jill, I just wanted Jill worshipped ok, and there's another similar one rattling in my brain but I haven't gotten to writing it, idk if i ever will).

so like. smut :'D apparently I have specific likes and have to cater to myself lmao.

OKAY BUT now I'll shut up for real. thank you for the ask! gave me a perfect excuse to reread my own fics lol. and I'm sorry for such non-answers :'D I just can't choose lol.

[i-love-you-all]

HI im very VERY starved for tremorbolt content but since ur The tremorbolt person do u have any songs that remind u of them? I'm making a playlist to feed my hunger and i wanna get a buncha sova x breach vibe of songs on it OKAY THATS ALL

- fishy

Ooh song association :)) Yeah, I like to use music to give me inspiration for stories/events and I like using them to get me in a certain mood sometimes. Idk how many of them give off the tremorbolt vibe tho lol. I listed like 20 songs and how/why I used them (bc not all of them fit perfectly). It's p long tho so under the keep reading.

Eyes Blue Like the Atlantic by Sista Prod, Subvrbs - Because I imagine that Breach has nice eyes when he's not pissed or anything. Blue stands out well w his red hair too, so I like to use this as the backdrop when I want fluff from Sova's POV about Breach.

ocean eyes by Billie Eilish - Same deal as above but for angsty/conflict heavy scenes.

R U Mine? by Arctic Monkeys - Used for inspo for Tangled in Red, esp Breach's inner conflict. "And satisfaction feels like a distant memory" and "Are you mine tomorrow or just mine tonight" were great starting points for Breach's doubts.

Weak by AJR - Again for Tangled in Red, I used this song as inspiration for the theme of being unable to say no because you're just too weak to do so and the temptation is just too great. So in the beginning of the story obv, this comes into play many times lol.

Boy Like Me by New Medicine - The singer is singing abt a girl, but just switch a few things around and I could see this being from Breach's POV pre any relationship with Sova since it's all about this girl being uninterested in the singer, yet she's the only one the singer wants.

Death of a Bachelor by P!ATD - I think in every story so far, I've had Breach and Sova in a contentious relationship that turns into a sexual relationship before they start to actually like each other as people. So I think the lyrics and the message fit well from either side of just falling for someone and not really wanting to? At least that's how I see it.

3AM by Mads Langer - Just holding onto someone and wanting them so much that nothing else matters as long as you're w the other person. This theme works for a lot of ships but given the... possibly explicit nature of the lyrics, I associate it w breach/sova the most.

Sight of the Sun by fun. - Another song about transitioning into love. It's cute and a good backdrop for when I wanna write some fluff. "For once, there is nothing up my sleeve. Just some scars from a life that used to trouble me. I used to run at first sight of the sun, but now I lay here waiting for you to wake up."

Dixie Boy by April Smith and the Great Picture Show - It's a song about jealousy and possessiveness? Basically warding off other potential suitors of the love interest. I used this for inspo for a bit of writing that hasn't been published yet... So... semi spoilers? I won't give away for what story. Maybe one day it'll be clear.

Young God by Halsey - I know the song is probably deeper than what I took it ask, but it played into how I imagined their fwb era would be because they aren't really friends, just two people using the other. The line, "And if you wanna go to heaven, you should fuck me tonight" particularly makes me think darker reasons behind otherwise consensual actions and it reminds me when I write that these two don't start off liking each other.

Bad Word by Panicland - Probably the closest song to just making me think of Breach/Sova. Just a bit of pain for every bit of passion. Bc i love pain in stories and fanfic :))

Body Talks by The Struts - Back to just liking each other physically stuff. it's about reading body language and feeling like the other person is interested even if they're trying not to show it. I like to imagine Breach teasing a stone-faced Sova until he finally gives in and admits that he's wanted Breach too.

Guillotine by Jon Bellion - it's about loving someone despite all their issues. I used this for an old original story I may restart one day, but I've been reusing the main characters so if you've read all my stuff the names and ppl are familiar. But yeah this song I like to see as a promise between Breach and Sova to have each other's backs.

Just My Type by The Vamps - "Cause I need this more than just a one night stance... times like this call for true romance." Basically driving each other crazy but still liking them. So, with how Breach and Sova differ in how they play/plan/work, they don't get along well. However, they still find things about each other that make it impossible to leave no matter how bad it can get. Yes, this is kinda inspo for a story so again, no spoilers?

Kiss With A Fist by Florence +The Machine - How I see the two of them pre any relationship or just at the start of one. Not much more other than it's fun to write to when thinking about arguments between them.

Never Saw It Coming by The Federal Empire - Just being fine on your own until something just flips the switch and you fall in love. Neither of them saw it coming, but Breach and Sova are start to get closer to each other despite the supposed conflict.

Clear My Head by Daði Freyr - Post fight music for the two of them. It was useful for when I was writing for Tangled in Red. The more recent ch and stuff.

Let Go by Jay Joseph - "I don't really wanna break your heart. How do people ever get this far? Just know that I might stray." Another song I write breakup/angst to for Tangled in Red so I think of tremorbolt now when I listen to it.

Symptoms by The Bad Haircuts - Another "maybe this is bad for me" kinda relationship song, but I like the doubts in the song.

[thefallenbibliophilequote]

You Are In Love

Loki x Reader

1989, epilogue

"You are in love, true love."

Summary: It's hard to find the one, but even if you do find him it's always going to be a daily struggle to make it work. Can you even make it work after he broke your heart? The answer to that is complicated, but it all started when you found each other again in the stark tower- and that's where our story begins.

Word count: 7,106

Warnings: some angst, some unreliable narrator, fluff, me being a hopeless romantic.

A/N: this is the very end- the epilogue, and it is based on the 1989 deluxe song You Are In Love. I really think this is important to the story despite it being an epilogue because I based some of the things solely because I wanted a scene here to happen, I needed that scene. Okay idk how this got so long, I'm sorry! Also, not me stealing quotes from my favourite book… I cried writing this.

A/N2: thank you to @chrissquares for all the incredible dividers she made for my series, and for @nacho-bucky who beta read it all and managed to put up with me. I appreciate you two so much, I love y'all!

No one is allowed to repost my writing or steal or copy my work! Reblog on tumblr is fine.

Series masterlist

Song on Spotify and YouTube

The room was dark and silent as you got into bed, playing the same thing that has been in your mind for weeks now. You heard him in your head, and saw him in your mind as you went to sleep. It hasn't been long since you first saw Loki, but he plagued your mind. Being asleep did not make him go away. You shut your eyes.

The wind felt cold on your skin but your palm was warm as he held you close. When you looked down you found yourself in a dark golden gown, a smile spread on your lips when you looked into his eyes and he took you to dance with him. You saw nothing but him as he twirled you around, your surroundings did not matter as the whole world stood in silence, the two of you were only focused on each other. You were wonderstruck, dancing around with him and looking at his bright blue eyes, you prayed he won't let you go. He only held you lightly with the palm of his hand and the arm around your waist but you felt enough.

He whispered in your ear terms of endearment and you could feel yourself blush. He twirled you around and out of his reach. You danced around all alone, until you turned around and saw Loki sitting on the back of a car, his hand inviting you. You felt your confusion go away as you climbed up to sit next to him, your jeans barely touched his black pants. Then he talked to you.

"Do you remember?" You heard his voice say to you and you turned your head.

"What?" You sat there when Loki talked to you.

"Look up." You heard his voice say to you and you turned your head up and looked at the stars, and your shoulders brushed. A shudder of warmth coursed through you as you saw the brightest star in the sky. You turned your eyes on Loki and the lights turned out.

You woke up in a shudder, heaving, you looked at the clock that mocked you. 1:58.

You turned to the other side of the bed and hoped sleep would take you quietly this time.

•

Loki walked along the bifrost, his heart was beating and racing, it didn't matter how many times he visited Heimdall, he was still anxious for his answer every time.

"Heimdall," Loki greeted the guardian.

"Prince Loki, are you going to ask the same question every time?" Heimdall looked over at the distressed prince. He remembered seeing him, when he was so young, so happy when he snuck him out at night so he can go to see the human woman he fell so hard for. He remembers Loki coming back in the morning with a smile on his face that he has never seen on him before; he remembers the young innocent prince showing him the necklace he carved especially for you, with his insignia on it; he remembers him being hopeful for the future- with you.

"I just want to know how she is."

Now he is an idiot.

"Just like she was the last time you asked me." Loki merely nodded, looking down on the ground. Heimdall waited for him to ask the other question he always asked.

"Is she- is she seeing someone?" Loki kept his eyes down, he held his breath.

"No." Heimdall tried to comfort the prince but he knew the answer won't do. Loki nodded to him, he never knew if he liked the answer or if he wanted you to find someone and be happy even if it is without him.

"Is she happy?"

"Yes, she is. She is happy and content," Heimdall stepped forward and put a hand on Loki's shoulder. "But it's been four years- don't you think there is a reason why she is still alone?"

"She just hasn't found-"

"She won't find someone who will make her happy like you did."

Loki refused to be selfish like he was in the past with you. Now that he understood what you asked him all those years ago at sunset, he refused to destroy your peace. Yet, he refused to forget you.

"However, your highness, she will not be available forever." Loki finally looked up at him, "and forever is not a lot of time for mortals."

"Then what am I to do about it?" Loki has told Heimdall a great deal about you, he never told his mother about you but since Heimdall was the only one who knew- Loki conversed with him after you had a fight, gushed to him about new midgardian stuff you taught him, and Loki knew that he didn't have to hide you from him.

"Do not sabotage your own happiness, it is not a selfish act if both of you will be happy from it. She will be happy to see you again, I can see that." Heimdall looked into the prince's eyes and hoped he could bring some sense to him.

He almost missed the way his eyes shone for just a moment, before the prince turned away to go back to the palace.

"Thank you, Heimdall, truly." Loki turned to him briefly before turning once again.

He wasn't as uncertain as he thought he would be; he pondered as he made his way across the rainbow bridge.

•

You woke up yet again alone, another sleepless night made you long for something you didn't have, leaving you tired. You reluctantly got out of bed, closing the curtains and concealing daylight and opting instead to turn on the lights. You had a long day ahead of you, so you shook the blue eyes that haunted you from your mind, you could almost see them in the shadow at the corner of your room.

It was just a trick of the light. You checked.

You walked out the door, not before taking a double look at the apartment, it was empty but… it felt wrong. You could almost see a silhouette, you must have been losing your mind, you thought, as you turned out the lights and walked to work. But right before you closed the door you sneaked one last glance, and you could still see it with the lights out.

Work had been tedious, Pepper was busy which meant that so were you, but at least you amused yourself in your breaks. Seeing the competitive supersoldiers spar on the mat sure could bring a smile to your face any day.

You weren't lonely by any means, you were happy with your new family that seemed to adopt you the moment you got the job, you were happy with your job, but from time to time you couldn't help but feel… hollowed. Something was not quite right, something was missing and you couldn't figure it out. Sure, you didn't have a boyfriend but that wasn't it. Every guy that hit on you just seemed wrong, you didn't feel the need to get one. You were satisfied and happy… was that enough?

You buttoned your coat to shield you against the autumn chill as you went back home. Happy suggested driving you, Tony basically commanded it but you sneaked out as he was arguing with someone on the phone, waving Happy goodbye as the elevator doors closed. You felt like walking today.

Autumn air swept past you as you walked, you looked through store windows at the TV, one reporter was talking about how there were sightings of the evil god of mischief. You stood there and stopped to look at it, could you have missed him? You remembered when you saw him at the Avengers Tower- when you first met him at the Tower- he left too soon, you fixed yourself in your own mind and watched as the reporter showed pictures after rambling about how dangerous it is.

Your heavy chest breathed again when you saw the photos- Steve's hair has not been like that in years, this was not recent. You shook your head and continued walking.

You remembered when he passed by you, you remember the chill of him that for some reason gave you warmth. And now in the cold weather you could feel it all over again on your way home. You could imagine it, and it was so real there, him being on your left, you could almost feel him breathing on your neck.

You opened your eyes and looked over your shoulder. He wasn't there.

Long story short, you were sure you were going insane- having an unexplainable crush on a god you met once upon a time, what was it? Four year ago? You hoped your mind would stop listening to your heart this one time.

You met him one time, you talked a bit before he passed by you, meeting him was rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky- that is what you told yourself at least, when days passed and you remembered him but you didn't see him again.

You shook your head again, shaking him away, you were just chasing shadows and there was no point in that. You knew that and wished logic would calm your racing heart.

•

Loki stepped into the Allfather's throne room and dismissed all the other Asgardians that were there.

"My son, what are you doing?" Odin rose up before he saw the look on Loki's face and with a raised interest he sat down as Loki went up the golden stairs.

"I have a request, it is important to me."

"And you came to ask me to grant it?" Odin raised a brow and studied the god of mischief, doubtful with every moment that went by. This sure is intriguing.

"I am afraid you are the only one that will be able to fulfill my wish." Loki's thoughts were still messy in their silence, scattered in ways he didn't try to collect. He thought about it the whole way to the palace. Even when he was satisfied here, and when he and Thor became true brothers after everything went down… it still wasn't home. It isn't home- it never was since he met you.

"Well do tell me what made you so desperate that you came to me?" Loki took a breath in.

"My love." He breathed out.

"The mortal midgardian girl?" Odin seemed to understand the situation. He never thought it would come from Loki, he never thought anyone would come to him for it, especially not the prince. "What would you want me to do?"

"The one thing only the Allfather is capable of doing." Loki lifted his head up and looked at his father with determination. He was certain with his decision.

•

Loki walked the rainbow bridge feeling different and yet the same all at once- he felt new. But with one weight lifted, another dread took its place.

Heimdall nodded at him with a small smile and Loki found himself returning it, it reminded him of the first night he came back to Asgard after meeting you in Midgard. Heimdall always knew from the start.

He stepped into the Avengers Tower, knowing that by this hour you were probably back at your apartment- at home. He stepped into the living room and found the witch, the billionaire, and the captain there sitting around on the several couches.

"Loki?"

"Captain," The god nodded to him in recognition. He wasn't quite sure what to say.

"What are you doing here?" the god walked around to stand in front of the three avengers.

"I've come to a decision."

"I used to want the Throne, father." Loki continued, "The very one you are sitting on, or the one I'd put on Midgard. As the rightful heir to the throne, and as the King of Jotunheim, I deserve that.

"I was born for it- and so, I used to want the throne. I used to think myself superior to everyone in the nine realms, the mortal midgardians out of all… that was until I met her, my love. When you met your love, father, it didn't change you. You caused ruin and shed blood and now you are sitting on a throne built on that in a world that now I am fit to rule." Loki did not let the Allfather speak in between. He deserved this, he knew that now.

"During the time you were away and under my spell, I made Asgard prosper… look how well it all turned out," he chuckled bitterly. "I used to want the throne but now I realize I just wanted to be acknowledged for my abilities, for my wit, instead of being shadowed to the side- all because you decided to pick up a baby and use it as political gain only to find it useless." Loki took a breath to close his eyes, he remembered it all, he remembered the day he found out about it all, about his glorious purpose his father planned for him.

"And Then I met my love, and she saw everything- all of that-inside me already without me having to prove it to her. She made me realize that I have nothing to prove to you- an abuser who calls himself king.

While Thor is my brother, and I acknowledge that I still am both Odinson and Laufeyson, this is not the home I thought I could make it out to be… by fixing everything else and making the people love me, fear me, acknowledge me. Even when my mother was here, I was not able to be fully myself, not here, not like I was whenever I'd sneak out of Asgard to be with her." Loki smiled, thinking about all of your moments together.

"Those were the sole moments where I felt what a home should feel like- though I never had anything to compare it to, and you made me think that somehow I should be grateful for you- for taking me here instead of dying in the cold, even though you were planning to use me as bait to gain advantage on your opponent.

Then I found her and she warmed her way into my heart and despite it all she still loves me and cares for me and I know that if I ever had a home… it wasn't on Jotunheim or here with my brother- it was with her: In a small apartment in Midgard, surrounded by mortals.

"And so, yes I am the rightful king of Jotunheim and a prince of Asgard, god of mischief… but I also have a home waiting for me in Midgard and I also am in love. And only now I realize all I want I can get, which is the home that I gave up on all those years ago- trying to make this home better. I don't want the throne anymore.

"So now, now I choose her."

"You decided to come back?" The witch leaned forward and asked him, he was about to nod when the captain spoke up.

"What about you saying that you want her to have peace?" Steve crossed his arms and rose up, "You said that as a god you won't be able to give her a peaceful life?"

"Yeah what changed in the last few years?" Tony continued sipping on his drink, casually looking over at the god with an arched eyebrow.

"Well, I came to a few realizations about her and myself which is why I am here now." Loki started, "now I can be what she needs me to be, if she will take me back."

"She still thinks of you, her thoughts are so loud sometimes." Wanda smiles at him, he is still wary with her after she saw inside of his mind. "How did you change then?"

"Well," Loki took a breath. "The ruling god, the Allfather, has the ability to revoke the immortality of a god. And so- I asked my father to take away my immortality."

They stared at him in silence, one in disbelief, one studying him, and one confused.

"So now if I stab you, you will die?" Stark asked and the god rolled his eyes.

"The Asgardian gods were never immortal, we are almost immortal, so even if you had stabbed me before I could have died- I however doubt you would have managed to do any harm to me." Loki dismissed the small man.

"Wait, what about your… magic?" Steve asked and one shrug later an identical Captain America stood in front of him, smirking.

"Patriotism, Justice, god bless America!" Loki shapeshifted back to himself before continuing, "I still have my magic, powers, and the rest of the qualities as the god that I am- that make me way above all of you- I am just not as immortal, and I will be able to live with her properly."

"So, you are like a supersoldier." Steve nodded in understanding, and Loki smiled slightly.

"Yes, but a lot more powerful and better."

Steve shook his head but let out a small laugh.

"So when are you going to see her?"

"Well, I think I wasted enough time already." Loki let out a chuckle, and he didn't even bother hiding the excitement in his blue eyes.

•

Loki hoped his excitement, as well as his nervousness, were hidden- he gave up using illusions around you a long time ago, and it was very long ago but he didn't want to use them now. This time he was going to make it right.

It was weird, not having unlimited time anymore. But his doubts about the decision stopped when you opened the door after hearing his soft knocks.

Your eyes were beautiful, they always were but he missed them terribly, now they were filled with a mix of confusion and excitement. He couldn't help the slight smirk that slipped out across his lips- at least he still had that affect on you.

You had a hard time processing who was at your doorstep, but you could already feel the butterflies blooming in your stomach. So long trying to suppress your weird crush. It seems to be inevitable now that he showed up years later.

When you saw his smirk you realized you must have been staring at him longer than you should have.

"Loki?" his name tasted weird on your tongue, you couldn't place the little spark that flew in your mind, making your head ache a bit.

He brought his hands up and with a light green glow he held blooming flowers in his hand.

"May I come in, love?" you could barely speak with the way his blue eyes shone, like moonlight against the darkness of the night like the suit he wore.

You nodded and stepped back to let him in.

You were certain that when he walked past you and handed you the flowers he had a certain glow to him, like an aura that was visible to the naked eye, it both calmed you down and overwhelmed you, so you looked away.

"These are my favourite, how did you know?"

He turned to look at you and you couldn't help but blush, wonderstruck at the little whispers you could almost hear his eyes hold, a silent question. You couldn't answer.

"I have magic, did you forget, dear?" Loki smiled when you locked the door and turned back to him. "I can read minds."

You laughed, and what a sound it was.

"That's bullshit, I didn't think about flowers now. Can you read what I'm thinking now?" you raised a brow at him, happy to call him on his bluff- you hoped it was a bluff, you'd rather the earth swallow you alive than if he could know what you're thinking while he is here.

"You are wondering what I am doing showing up at your door close to midnight." He took a step towards you. He wasn't wrong. "A little birdie told me."

You let out a nervous chuckle when you saw him standing closer now, but it turned to anger when you understood his words.

"Steve told you?" you went around him contemplating how to kill Steve, Natasha owed you a favor after all; you muttered, "That son of a bitch…"

Loki figured he will go with your answer, it is the easier answer. You came back shortly with a vase and the flowers in the water in it.

"Do not fret, those flowers are special, they have an enchantment on them so they will not die."

At least you didn't have to worry about that, he was so considerate and normal that you almost forgot about the odd situation.

"Why are you here?" You asked and clasped your hands in front of you.

"You told me to come to you if I ever plan to take on the planet again, so here I am." He smiled at you such an honest smile, and you didn't even know why he was so happy, but you knew that smile will linger in your mind like a tattoo kiss. It was so tempting to look at his lips for longer and imagine to yourself what his kiss would taste like. "If I'm honest, you've left quite an impression on me the last time we met."

"Oh?" you hoped the heat in your cheeks was not visible, you bit your lip. "Can I trust the god of mischief to be honest?"

"Of course you can, just trust me." His serious look contrasted your playful one.

"Why do only the untrustworthy people say that?" you mused and smiled at him, hoping to ease whatever tensions you felt brewing in his mind.

"Well, love, that is because the people that you know you can trust don't need to say it." He looked at his shoes and you took the time to really admire him now that he was up close and real.

"Well then, I guess you don't need to say it." You found pride in how he lifted his head and a sly smirk took over. "Do you want something to drink?"

If he was here, after all those years of only imagining him, you could ignore the odd situation just so you could make him stay a little longer this time.

"I'd like that, thank you." You invited him to your kitchen as you made yourself some tea.

"What would you like?"

"Coffee is good." He wondered how far he could take it with you, letting a gentle glow almost reach you when you turned around and he stopped.

"Coffee at midnight?" you questioned him, "Okay, what kind of coffee do you like?"

"I am a god, love, it doesn't affect me the way it affects you," he laughed when you rolled your eyes. "Pick whatever you think I would like."

You nodded at him with a shy smile. You turned away from him and made his coffee as he sat around you at the isle. You felt little tickles in your brain then. You tried to shake them off somehow but when they got stronger you winced at the slight headache.

"Are you okay, love?" god, you were already getting used to the pet name he gave you.

"Yeah, just a headache- nothing tea cannot fix." You laughed and turned back to him and the headache was gone, you couldn't help but wonder if he used his magic to heal your headache. It would be stupid to assume that though, so you stayed silent and took a sip of your tea. You gave him his cup of coffee and your hands brushed- it was one touch but you felt enough to know that he will linger on your skin.

"So tell me," you broke the silence that took over as he kept looking at you with soft eyes. He hummed and urged you to continue, "How can I help you take over earth? Where do we start?"

He laughed and you promised yourself to make sure he will laugh again. And you wanted to hold him, but you held back that urge and relished his familiar- no, comforting presence as you talked through the night.

•

From there you saw Loki around more, at work or when he would invite himself into your house at night or during your day off. You fell so easily into routine with him, he filled the space in your life that used to be vacant, you never really noticed it until he had to go to Asgard for a month to deal with a meeting. He made up for it when he came back though, walking you home that night and the next night, and the one after that…

It did nothing to sooth your crush on the god, it increased it if anything. Whenever you saw him, he would sooth the headaches you were getting lately, you could almost feel the gentle almost featherlike caresses of his magic- it had to be his magic, even if he never said anything, you saw it in his eyes.

You managed to handle it until he followed you around at work- and you were surprised when the Avengers did not even comment on it or flinch.

"You look lovely as ever, my love," he picked the necklace on your neck and your breath hitched at his closeness and the way his fingers brushed your chest and throat, "Always a sight to behold."

"Oh, Loki," you always stammered at his compliments that he shamelessly threw at you, "you're so sweet thank you, I- I have to go now, I need to go to Pepper- I have work, yes work."

You cringed to yourself as you turned around and down the hallway, only to shriek in surprise when Loki suddenly materialized in front of you, causing you to fall… almost.

Loki caught you just before you hit the ground, with a hand around your waist and the other holding your hand and bringing you upwards to him. You didn't dare say a word.

"You know that with a beauty like yours Asgardian princesses could never compare- and for your steadiness I'm certain I could teach you Asgardian ballroom dancing- to help you, of course."

As if it couldn't get worse, your cheeks were heating up, and you were caught in his eyes before he thankfully let you go.

"I assure you I am steady and not clumsy, a person appearing in front of me would catch anyone off guard!" you laughed it off.

"I am not a person, dear, I am a god." At the intense look in his eyes you clutched your hands to your side, holding in a gasp you just nodded and went around him to try and get work done.

If Pepper noticed anything, she didn't comment on it.

•

As the days went on, he became bolder and bolder and you couldn't deny that you loved him courting you this way and knowing that he only has his eyes on you. On some days he was bolder, on others you took the leap to get closer to him when you noticed he was having a bad day, and sometimes he would be so gentle with you the genuine way of it made your heart soar.

It was all gentle touches and intense eyes that you still saw when you closed your eyes in the dark of the night. It was the slowest build up that made you feel like he was always there with you, whether it was in your heart or soul or body, it surrounded you in warmness you didn't know you missed.

And then he asked you out, as you showed him your favourite spot in the park. He just laughed and smiled at you and when you asked why he held your cheeks and asked you out on a date. He wanted it done properly.

So now you stood at your home in your best dress- it was green, you found it in your closet and you liked how it matched the colour of the shirt he often wore.

The doorbell rang so you looked in the mirror one more time, seeing the dress and the necklace he seemed to love. You looked around the dimly lit room and the set table and once you were sure everything was ready- you opened the door.

And there he was in all his glory, you couldn't have stopped the smile you shone at him even if you tried, he seemed to have that affect on you. You could see royalty on him, you could feel it, even when he stood there with a simple black suit.

"Hello dear," he looked you up and down, remembering another night you wore this very same dress, only you didn't wear that necklace, not yet. "You look ravishing."

"As do you, I really like this suit on you." You brushed your hand on his chest, straightening the tie. "Come on in."

Loki stepped into the room, appreciating the memories he has of all of your date nights, even those that you had before the two of you got together. He appreciated every single one of them.

Then he once again looked at you, the candles giving you a glowing aura, making you shine and his breath left him speechless.

The light reflected the chain on your neck, the one he gave you all those nights ago, that faithful night.

"Loki? What are you hiding there?" you laughed at him as you tried to circle him and see what he was clasping behind his back. Only to see green lights as he made whatever it was disappear with a smug smile on his face. "Hey that's not fair!"

He put his hands on your hips and pulled you to him as you tried, and failed, to stay stern.

"You are dating a trickster, love, you brought this on yourself." He laughed at you as a giggle escaped you before you again tried to drop the smile that gave away your true emotions. "It's your fault that you love me!"

His laugh stopped when he saw the wondering look in your eyes and he realized what he had said. Then he backed away from you.

Shaking his head, he laughed it off before putting on a smile that you knew was a cover for his true emotions. He pulled out a golden box, you had never seen something like this before. You knew he was distracting you but chose to let it go- for now, at least.

He looked at you with gleaming eyes, urging you on as you held it and opened it.

You caught your breath when you saw a golden necklace laid inside it. It was fairly simple, but it was golden and even had a glow around it. The pendant of the necklace was a simple circle that held a weird S shaped symbol on it. You looked at Loki as he took it out and held it in his hand.

"What is it, Loki?"

"That, my love, is my symbol. Two snakes circling each other, biting each other's tails, and in a way- they symbolize me."

"That is beautiful, Loki, thank you." You traced the symbol delicately- it was intricate but you could tell it was hand carved. You let him put it on you.

"This way, you will have a part of me wherever you go."

You held back tears and tuned around to face him, jumping in and hugging him close.

"You were right before, you know, I've been meaning to tell you this anyway." You pulled back only by an inch but he went and sat on the couch, so you went ahead and sat on his lap, letting his arms circle you.

"What do you mean?" he asked nervously.

"I love you."

Norns, he was so afraid to tell you back then, but now he wasn't afraid, and all he had to do was wait. He was willing to wait until you were ready, he hoped the light spells he had been casting were doing their work well, he hoped it won't be long.

•

You woke up in your bed, smiling at the golden daylight, you turned around and reached for the other side of the bed, happy to see Loki was still asleep.

It was rare to see him like this- peacefully sleeping. You lightly traced his face, careful with the light bruises he came home with. They were already healing but you still didn't like seeing them. You convinced Loki to let you clean them up, he argued about how he is a god, and yet he let you do it anyway.

"Good morning, beautiful." He murmured, still half sleeping, he grasped your hand in his and kissed the inside of your wrist.

"Good morning, handsome." You smiled at him. "You said I have you for the week, right?"

"I'm all yours, my dear." He pulled you closer now, "I have a few ideas on how to spend these days…"

You laughed and let him kiss you, you were just happy to have him home.

It was a few hours later that morning that you got out of bed, groaning at your sore muscles and chuckling to yourself at the smell of the burnt toast, it was only Sunday.

You put on his shirt and stepped outside to the kitchen.

"Will you ever not burn the toast?" he shrugged at the comment but didn't reply as he tried to break an egg into the pan.

"This is ridiculous." He grumbled to himself. "After all this time and I still don't get it."

"You didn't try to do this that long." You chuckled as he finally gave up and used his magic. "You have only been here with me for like half a year now."

"Right," he fixed himself, quickly coming back to you and serving you your breakfast the way he remembered you used to like.

"Thanks, Loki." You kissed his cheek as he sat next to you. "But how about you take the first bite?"

You bit your tongue to stop yourself from smirking.

"Now, darling, there is no need for that."

"Sure there is, I'll be very amused." You laughed at the look he gave you and how he tickled your side.

"I am not amused."

"You know, for an Asgardian you sound so British."

"False, English people sound like Asgardians." He pointed a fork at you before he ate from your breakfast, you joined in only after he approved of it to your surprise.

You sipped on your tea, sighing at the perfect morning you got to enjoy. That was when you realized that you are in love. In love with a god. You read books after you met him, you knew that this wouldn't last.

"How are your bruises? They seem to be healing okay, do they hurt?" you brushed away a strand of hair out of his face.

"I told you, darling-"

"I know, I know, you're an immortal Asgardian god, you can handle wounds like these." You laughed and hoped he wouldn't see through it. That was the one sentence from the book you read that haunts your brain. It made you remember a sunset, but you've never been with Loki to a sunset, maybe you should go sometime.

"Actually, Asgardian gods are just almost immortal. But I am not immortal anymore." He said, sensing your anxiety, hoping that this information will make it all okay, hoping you will realize that this will last.

"What? Why not?" you should not be delighted by the news, you should be worried of him getting hurt now.

"I decided to give up my immortality, while I still am a god and I assure you I am just as strong as I was before," he took your hand in his and looked into your eyes. "I decided that I want a better, more peaceful, life."

"But why would you-" you shook your head.

"I had my reasons." He kissed the back of your hand,

You nodded to him and looked away, a sinister kaleidoscope of butterflies of hope rose in your stomach.

Maybe some things last forever after all.

•

"I am both terrified and excited." You held onto Loki's arm for support, praying to any god out there that you won't mess it up and stumble.

The gown you were wearing was golden, with a dark glimmer to it, Loki was matching you in his royal suit in black, green, and gold. Loki finally took you to a ball a year into your relationship, you asked to celebrate it here and he complied

Asgard was beautiful, though you were getting a bit lightheaded from it all, it got worse when you entered the ballroom.

"I told you." Loki leaned in to whisper to you as you took in the scenery.

"What?"

"You are more beautiful than any Asgardian princesses in their best dresses." Heat rushed to your cheeks at the compliment, remembering when he so casually said it to you at the tower.

Loki remembered the night he taught you to dance, the one he finally kissed you and told you those same words.

Loki made sure to keep you away from Odin, and put an armor of magic around the two of you, hoping it would ease your headaches. And then you danced in your own little world, around and around until you got tired and Loki took you home.

•

Half a year later you were going to sleep, Loki was right there beside you, holding you close to him as you laid your head on his chest.

"Goodnight, my love."

"Goodnight… I love you."

"I love you too." Your lover kissed your head and then as you closed your eyes you felt the same tingles in your brain that you started to get whenever you went to sleep or even when you went to work.

Soon enough you fell asleep and your dreams took you along.

You wandered along places with Loki beside you. You were there with him on a high hill, staring at the sunset. "I'll treasure this moment forever." You heard him tell you but you didn't hear him- no, it was something else. You smiled at him and suddenly you were in your apartment, and you were smiling as he kissed you, you saw two paper airplanes flying around and he said- talked to you. "I told you my way was better." You heard yourself laughing at him and felt yourself bringing him back to a kiss. You were there with him as you ran through the trees until you stopped and climbed up, where was this again? "Come on, Loki, I now a place we won't be found." You giggled to him- no- you heard yourself giggling. Was this a dream anymore? With the growing headache this must be a nightmare. Since when do you have vivid dreams like this? Your apartment looked different as you danced around it with Loki. "I bet you'll look just as beautiful in an Asgardian dress. Like a true Asgardian goddess." But no- he couldn't have told you that there. You felt ecstatic as he leaned in to kiss you right there, it's your first kiss. No, it wasn't. You felt it all, you knew this was inevitable. Did you know that? Your head was spinning as you saw that golden necklace you found in your drawer. "It has my symbol on it, two snakes circling each other," biting each other's tails. No, you must have read it somewhere. Then you walked towards the spot in the park that you loved, at least that was familiar. "You will get a cold if you keep sitting in the rain, don't you have an umbrella?"Loki looked at you, he seems so much younger, you got shivers from his blue eyes. Your head hurt more and more, you didn't know where you were. All you felt was confusion. You saw the bifrost and there you saw the man with the golden eyes greeting you, he knew you- he knew everything. Did you know? "Do you remember?" Loki came home to you, with a fake smile which turned real when he said "I love you." He loved you. In Asgard yet again, why were you saying goodbye? "Promise you'll get me back, Loki." And then he bowed- but you already knew he was going to do that, the dream didn't have to tell you- "I'll see you around, my love." You remembered.

"I'm going to miss you, even if I won't know it." You did miss him, you missed him all along.

You waked, shot up from Loki's grip, with a hand over your mouth. You could hear the hushed whispers of memories in the silence of the bedroom; you could feel him on the way home even when you had nothing but his necklace; you could see it all now in a kaleidoscope of memories playing with the lights out. You were in love with him- you were in love with him over and over again. You never stopped loving him.

Now you saw it all: yes Loki was your lover, but before that- a lot of things happened before that, he was your best friend.

Loki woke up to the strange look on your face, rising up to be face to face with you. You paused before looking at him and he teared up at what he saw.

"You're my best friend." He saw you- his love- and now you saw him. And he knew what it was, you came back to him.

He took you in and held you close in a hug, laughing as tears ran both of your faces.

"So, 1989." He brought you in for a chaste kiss.

"What?"

"It's been 1989 days since the last time you remembered me." You chuckled.

"Took me that long?"

"It felt like an eternity." You tentatively caressed his cheek.

"Why did you give up eternity for me?" you asked him and he laughed as if it was obvious.

"The only way to survive eternity is to be able to appreciate each moment- and I couldn't do that, not without you." He pressed a kiss to the palm of your hand, "and now- now I get to spend my eternity with you."

You leaned in to kiss him once more, savoring it, you knew: You were ready to fall in love with him all over again.

You lost each other, but you found each other again, and somehow that was everything.

•

Tags: @ayybtch @buckys-other-punk @chaoticpete @madcrazy50 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @the-departed-potato @rogerrhqpsody @onceupona-happilyeverafter-love @percabethismyotp14

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 32

💖 first time reader click here 💖

Summary: Stephen Strange being a grown-up. Reader being a grown-up. Kind of. Revenge plot starts now - don't be like the mercenary, don't threaten reader's family. Avengers being good.. bros? Good found family idk. More smut + plot coming soon.

The silence hung awkwardly over us. Stephen wasn't the one to wax poetics, usually, and I wasn't in the mood to do anything but curl up somewhere warm, chug a bottle of liquor and fall asleep. Sleep is like death without the committment and after my little outburst, I inwardly prayed and begged for the ground to open up and swallow me whole. Instead, I was directed to sit and drink my tea by the sorcerer, who, by the way, was beginning to look like a kicked puppy.

It was starting to become unbearable. "I'm listening," I finally croaked out, shocked at how raspy my voice sounded. As if someone had forced me to choke on some nails - and I felt like it, too. My hands were shaking, all but spilling the hot tea onto them.

"Princess..." His mouth did the thing when he was worried, lips pursed, their corners upturned. "What we did was not... Right, you were drugged without your consent. I am sure Tony feels the same way."

My eyebrows rose, words bubbling up to the surface as I fought the urge to simply start calling Stephen some strong names. Had he been blind the whole time I flirted with him, had he not seen both me and Tony ogling him when we thought nobody could see? Every time I joked about the sexual tension between them - you know what they say, every joke has a little bit of truth in it.

Or maybe the sorcerer had used the incident as a convenient excuse for our little fuck-fest to be a one-time thing? I expected more, I won't lie, but I wouldn't put it above him. I knew all too well that some men tended to simply... Avoid.

I was angry, probably rightfully so, but it was not the time for me to comfort an adult man. My own life was going to shit, I had no mental energy to unburden his baseless guilt. It was selfish and it made me feel even more like shit, but it was as if someone had flipped a switch inside of me. I just didn't care about someone's heartbreak. I needed to solve another problem, a much bigger than a man that couldn't make up his mind.

I had to find that damn mercenary. It was the only real threat hanging over our heads; unlike any mission that I've seen the team go on before, they had thrown all the forces into catching the man that had gotten into their safe space, their home. That threatened to take what they thought as theirs. Long gone were the days of comfortable domesticity.

"Okay," I replied, nodding curtly. "I wanted it, if it helps any. I thought you were attractive the first day I saw you." I spoke bluntly, beginning to feel like myself more and more with each word that I spoke. "And again, no strings have to be attached. I'm sure Tony will understand it too, it's not his first rodeo."

Stephen's head shot up from where he was examining his clasped hands, to study me with furrowed brows. Cloaky moved where it was wrapped around me, attracting the sorcerer's attention - I, unfortunately, did not understand the Cloak's sign language and what it told Stephen remained a mystery to me. I was just delighted to be out of the cold and and wet clothes.

"I think you misunderstood me," Stephen eyed me with surprise. "I want more, but..." He trailed off, unsure. "I don't know. I'm surprised Banner hasn't gone green on me yet. I'm a doctor, I should have known..."

So, he was pulling a me and wallowing in pity. Is this really how pathetic I looked when I used to mope around the house earlier? No wonder my mother thinks I'm a baby. "Stephen, I'm really not in the mood to listen to bullshit. I wanted it, you wanted it, great, we can move on. Because with everything that has happened to me, I really have no energy to convince you I like you even while sober when you're sabotaging yourself." Sure, I might have ripped off the motivational speech from a self-help book my mother used to have laying around. My patience was wearing thinner with each second. "There, I said it. I like you, my boyfriends like you, you're welcome to the club if you decide to believe the fact that I am telling the truth." And if he wouldn't, well, I could get over it. I was planning to never act upon my feelings for both Tony and Bruce, it hadn't been as hard as I thought it would be. Especially with me being busy enough to just ignore the feelings.

At some point, I had grown attached to Stephen. Perhaps, if I and Tony hadn't decided to mess around with the sorcerer at the party, my feelings wouldn't have bloomed into anything more than physical attraction. Murphy's law had a particularly strong affinity on me, I noticed, because over and over I found myself falling head over heels for emotionally unavailable men. It worked out with Tony, which wasn't as surprising as one might expect, considering we're two halves of a whole idiot, but then Bruce also decided to pucker up - Stephen was bound to be the rock that I trip on.

Or not? Soft lips pressed against my forehead, beard hair softly tickling the tip of my nose. I was pressed against a solid chest, surrounded by warmth and comfort. "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot," Steph whispered, voice quivering.

"Well, it's not like this... Relationship... I've got going on is something commonplace," My arms wrapped around him, a deep sigh relaxing my body into his. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. It wasn't right."

Stephen chuckled, all but pulling me bodily into his lap. "Don't worry, Princess. I deserved it." As he spoke, the Cloak carefully unwrapped itself from me, drifting away with a parting pat on my back. "Now what happened with your parents?" Large palms pushed the hair out of my face, stormy blue eyes looking at me with worry.

"I should probably assemble all my significant others for this conversation," There was little enthusiasm in discussing the incident. I was an adult and had enough money to get by for a few months, at least until I could patent one of my inventions. I had plenty of knick-knacks that should be able to interest buyers, that much I knew, and while the legal side of the process was a blank slate to me, I knew I could be charismatic enough to have someone work it out for me.

"I don't think I'll be able to take Steve seriously when he says 'assemble', now," My third boyfriend chuckled, which - wow, I didn't have boyfriends and now I had three? Should I be considering opening a factory or something? Stephen adjusted his hold on me. "Let's go, I'll portal us in."

"My car's out there with all my stuff. I'll have to drive," I protested but made no move to get out of his lap.

"Tony is a billionaire, he can pay someone to retrieve it," Shrugging carelessly, he produced a golden circle of magic, the common room couch in plain sight at the other side of it. I heard voices and then Clint's head peaked through, a curiously tilted eyebrow morphing into full fledged face of confusion upon seeing the two of us.

Yikes. I had forgotten about the state of my dress and the bruise on my cheek. "Hey, bird. I need a drink," I said the first thing that popped into my mind, causing both Clint and Steph to laugh as the sorcerer carried me into the tower through the portal.

"I'm starting to think you go out there and look for trouble on purpose," The archer sighed, pulling out his phone and texting rapidly. Mine vibrated, too, once he was done, which meant he'd called for a family meeting. Blergh.

In no time, Tony appeared, dark circles under his eyes and yesterday's shirt on, towing a worried Bruce behind him. One after the other, the Avengers tickled in, looking restless and exhausted. Loki's frown was well on its way to becoming a full sneer.

"Talk, please," He requested, eyeing me with concern.

"Good news is I got our rogue wizard back," I poked Stephen in the chest. He was blushing. "Bad news is my mother threw me out and my father didn't pick up the phone, so technically I'm homeless and parent-less," I decided that spitting out straight facts was the easiest way to go about it. I mean, there was no good way to tell what I just told them.

The storm that I anticipated didn't appear. Just a lot of disappointed sighs all around, especially from Tony, who looked twenty years older after I'd confessed to the current state of my affairs. "You're not homeless, you live here," He pointed out, rubbing his face and muttering some very strong words under his nose. Particularly, the expressions involved my mother and various methods of fornication.

"We got your back, doll," Bucky nodded, coming over to wrap me in a gentle hug. He was like a brother from another mother to me at this point, kind and goofy and sensible. "I would propose to teaching that harpy a lesson but I think she's beyond it."

"Perhaps it's for the best," Loki mused suddenly. "If I recall correctly, your mother was against your career of choice, which is idiotic. Science is a noble and prospective path." The Asgardian, too, gave me a hug.

I wasn't crying! There were ninjas, in the vents, cutting onions! "Stop it guys, I'm gonna cry. I already look like shit!" The protest was silenced by Bruce's lips on mine, his tiny smile briefly covering my mouth with tenderness. After that, everybody somehow decided it was their job to try and make me cry; like a bad bitch, I resisted, but eventually broke and started sniffling when Tony began rambling about building me my own lab and Wanda offered to help me decorate my new apartment.

No matter how much my mind screamed at me to refuse, I forced that noise down. Fighting against myself, accepting help despite feeling unworthy of it - it was probably the hardest thing I've done in my whole life.

Bruce volunteered to carry my prone body to Tony's bedroom which was quickly becoming the master bedroom for the three of us - ever since the incident, both of my scientists stuck close to me whenever possible, aggressively cuddling me whenever they decided it was time to get some sleep. Which wasn't much these days, if I was being honest. Persuading Bruce to stay with me was a novelty - usually he didn't resist, but that time, I had to repeat myself multiple times that the team could handle business even without him being present.

I had my ulterior motives, of course. Tony and Stephen needed to talk. I only hoped their egos wouldn't clash without me to mediate - having two boyfriends start a fight wasn't something I wanted to experience. I had zero experience in those matters and had no idea how to manage all that. Are there handbooks for polyamorous relationships? I stuck a mental post-it note inside my brain to check it out.

I fell asleep with Bruce wrapped around me and woke up in the same position, having been too exhausted to move even in my sleep. Voices, rough and quiet, were the first thing I heard upon syncing my brain into a resemblance of a working order, instantly recognizing Stephen's deep baritone and Tony's teasing drawl.

"Expect either Reindeer Games or Kim Possible to come and terrify you," My engineer didn't sound particularly ecstatic. His voice came from somewhere around my feet; the hand wrapped around my ankle, thumb gently stroking the skin, must've been his.

"Duly noted," Stephen's reply was equally sarcastic, sounding a little closer. The warmth coming from my side was him. I could smell the faint spices that surrounded him, smell that I'd come to associate with the Sanctum.

Bruce snored away, not a care in the world.

My body, on the other hand, felt rested for what felt the first time in years. A pleasant ache in my muscles had me begrudgingly squirm out of Banner'd grasp, shamelessly pushing up into Stephen as I stretched with a juicy yawn. "What's poppin'?" I rubbed my eyes, finding the men awake looking at me with fond amusement.

"Just watching," Tony smiled, causing me to giggle at his accidental meme-ing. Was it even accidental? I refused to believe that a man well versed in IT was oblivious to meme culture.

Stephen, on the other hand... "We've discussed some things, wanted to talk to you too." His hand stroked my hair, face expression soft unlike anything I'd ever seen him have. "But you were sleeping. So cute."

Me, cute? There was a puddle of drool the size of a dollar bill on my pillow, I was pretty sure some of it had even gotten in Bruce's hair. Banner's sleep was quiet except for every five minutes when he'd let out a snore with a force somewhere between a Mack truck and a whale in mating season.

Cute, sure.

Bruce groaned, a tell-tale sign of him waking up. I met his eyes, brown, shiny, a narrow edge of green around his irises. Huh. Do I have three boyfriends or four?

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​@sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95 @gladiosamicitias

[seonghwa-is-babie]

What we've been missing (pt. 1)

Ateez x hybrid! Male reader

Part 1 of idk how many

Note: I have to split this up into multiple parts otherwise it would be hella long and take too long to make

You can find the whole thing with the tag 'what we've been missing' (once there's more parts)

"yunho! We're out of snacks again, can you go buy some?" the tallest looked up from his spot on the couch to the voice coming from the kitchen. He quickly got up and went to put on his coat, backpack and shoes, then grabbed his phone, wallet and house keys" I'll be back in a few!"

He quickly made his way to the grocery store, getting various snacks that all of them liked, paying for them and putting them in his bag. Trying to get back to the dorm as quickly as possible, as he knew how some of the members act without snacks

As he was walking back to the dorms, practically speed-walking to not get wet by the sudden rainfall, he heard a small sniff that stopped him in his tracks. He gazed to where the noise was coming from, a dark alleyway

He carefully walked into the alley, spotting a wooden crate, turned on its side so it could be used for shelter. In the crate, was a small boy, wrapped in a thin blanket, cat ears atop his head. 'it's a hybrid' yunho realised, he knew that even if they had some rights now, most of them still suffer from abuse and a lack of shelter

He crouched down before the crate, making the boy hide his head in the blanket "hey buddy, don't worry, I won't hurt you" his reassurances seemingly did nothing "are you hungry? I could give you some food" yunho tried again, taking his backpack and finding a suitable snack

The boy still hasn't moved, but was extremely tempted since he hasn't eaten in 2 days "here, you can have some of these cookies" yunho tried to offer the food, but the boy was still very hesitant, looking up at the man in front of him "it's alright, they're safe to eat, I promise"

eventually, the boy took the cookie taking a small bite to make sure that if it was poison, it wouldn't effect him too much. After feeling like it was safe, he practically devoured the thing "you must be really hungry" yunho handed him another cookie "so what's your name? how did you end up here?"

They boy froze up a bit, wondering if he should even tell a random human what happened. He did trust the man a lot more than past humans "y/n, my owners used beat me a lot, then one day, they went further and threw me out, this is my home now" Yunho frowned at that, he really despised how some people treat hybrids. To him, they are some of the most precious people on this earth and doesn't understand why others can't see it like that

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, no one deserves that" yunho noticed the rain getting heavier by the second "looks like we're getting a rainstorm tonight" he looked back at y/n, how would he ever survive this weather?

"how about you come with me? I have a home where you can stay warm and dry up, you don't have to stay long if you don't want to though" y/n weighed the options, go home with a seemingly trustworthy stranger or freezing out here?

He decided on the first option and slowly got up, not having the best balance, stumbling a bit "are you okay? Do you want me to carry you?" yunho went to help the male by grabbing his hands to keep his balence. Y/n slightly tensed up at the touches, but allowed them "I-I'll be fine"

Yunho glanced at the hybrid struggling to stay up "you don't look in the best condition to walk" he took his backpack and put it on his chest instead "you can get on my back" the young hybrid was a bit fascinated by how determined the man was to help him, he's never experienced something like this before

Carefully, he climbed on yunho's back, wrapping his arms loosely around his neck, and his legs around the man's waist "I'm not too heavy, am I..... ?" yunho giggled, realising he didn't tell the hybrid his name "yunho, and of course not, now, let's go home"

⏳

By the time yunho arrived at the dorms, y/n had fallen asleep. He unlocked the door, trying to not make too much noise so y/n could peacefully sleep. He was however, greeted with the usual loudness at the dorms

"finally you're back, what took so- what's on your back?" San asked confused as he saw yunho walk in with an unconscious boy on his back "I found him in the alley, he needs a place to sleep for tonight and some food. So if you guys could be quiet and let him sleep that'd be fantastic"

To say the other boys were confused as well seeing yunho come in with a hybrid on his back was an understatement "wha-" yunho quickly shushed mingi, unwinding y/n from his back and onto the couch, where y/n immediately balled up

"why do you have a hybrid with you?" wooyoung whisper yelled "I found him on my way back, he needs a place to sleep for tonight and some food, I don't think he's eaten in a few days"

"I'll go get seonghwa, we can make a meal for him" wooyoung got up and went to the older's room. "he looks so peaceful right now" Yunho mumbled to himself whilst smiling "so cute" San said, leaning against yunho's shoulder to get a better view of the hybrid

When wooyoung returned with seonghwa to cook something for y/n, Hongjoong came down as well, wanting to know what was going on. What he didn't really expect was yunho and San looking over the hybrid, while the other three observed them from the other end of the couch

"yunho" said male turned his head to his leader "the clothes he has look pretty torn up, should I give him some of mine?" he nodded, happy to know the other members are willing to help him as well

⏳

Y/n woke up to the smell of food, getting slightly shocked at all the new people. He clung to the only person he could trust, Yunho "hey, it's alright, they're my friends, they wouldn't hurt you" he hesitantly raised his head from yunho's chest to look up at the strangers. One by one they introduced themselves

"oh right, y/n, Hongjoong laid out some clothes for you in the bathroom, you should take a bath or shower first though" y/n nodded and let yunho lead him to the bathroom "can you wash yourself or do you need to help?" "I-I can do it myself, thank you" yunho nodded and left the bathroom

⏳

Once y/n washed up and put on the clothes Hongjoong had given him, which was a hoodie and some sweats. He quietly made his way back to the living room

The members currently seated on the couch turned at the sight of the smaller male returning, some of them San cooed at how cute he looked. Y/n got a bit nervous and went back to yunho's side "what's wrong?"

"don't like people staring" yunho hugged the male and he immediately snuggled into him "you know you still have to eat, right?" y/n nodded

"yunho, the foods ready" seonghwa said as he came into the living room, his eyes lighting up and smile growing when he spotted the hybrid and how cute he looked cuddled up to yunho "hi y/n, I'm seonghwa, I'm the oldest here. We made some food for you, do you wanna come and eat it?" seonghwa asked gently as he sat down near y/n "c-can yunho come too?" seonghwa nodded "off course, now let's go, you must be hungry"

Y/n followed seonghwa with yunho in tow to the kitchen, where wooyoung was already setting the food on the table. When he noticed the three enter the kitchen, he smiled at them, more specifically, y/n. "hey y/n, I'm wooyoung. Me and seonghwa made some food for you, hope you enjoy"

⏳

After the food, they all went back to the couch, y/n snuggling back up to yunho "he's really attached to you" mingi pointed out "I think it might be because he's had a rough past.... I think I'm the first person he actually trusts" a single tear slid down yunho's cheek

⏳

"y/n we have to go to bed, where do you wanna sleep?" yunho asked the hybrid "um, I think the couch is just fine for me"

"are you sure? I can always let you sleep on my bed if that's more comfortable" y/n shook his head "no thanks, I uhhh wouldn't want to bother you more then I have to"

"y/n you're not bothering us, but if you wanna sleep on the couch that's fine, we'll get you a blanket then" as if on cue, Yeosang walked in with a soft fluffy blanket "oh, thanks Yeosang" yunho smiled as Yeosang handed the blanket to y/n

⏳

Y/n tried to sleep, he did his absolute best to, but nothing could stop the nightmares from the past. It even got so bad he unconsciously shifted to his cat form. He needed something, someone there to comfort him, he had no choice but to wake one of the people in the house for comfort

Still in his cat form, he hopped of the couch and into the hallway. Now, y/n's initial plan was to just go to yunho's room, but he has no idea which room it was, they were all closed, so he couldn't see inside to check if yunho was in there

Deciding any of the members would be better than going back to have more nightmares, he started scratching on a random door, hoping someone would open it.

The door eventually opened after a few moments, a black haired man peeking through who y/n didn't seem to recognise at first, nonetheless he still slipped into the room

Upon further inspection, he noticed it was San that opened the door for him "y/n? Is that you?" y/n nodded "what's wrong, I thought you were sleeping on the couch?" y/n didn't make anymore sounds, jumping on San's bed, waiting for the latter to join

His gaze softens as he realised y/n probably didn't have the best sleep "didn't want to sleep alone?" he crawled back in bed as y/n laid down on his chest. San carefully reached out his hand towards y/n, quietly asking for permission to pet him

Y/n responded by putting his head in San's palm, giving him permission to continue. San did so very gently "it's okay y/n, I don't know exactly what you went through, but I want you to know we're nothing like the people who mistreated you" the hybrid started purring, eventually falling asleep "good night y/n"

[little-precious-baby]

This 2020...

First of all, I know most of the people did this many days ago but I thought today was like the best for me to say goodbye to this year.

Not to mention that this year has been very difficult, not only for me but for everyone. A pandemic that brought us many changes of which many are not yet comfortable and is understandable. In my case, in this year I have been able to understand many things, I have suffered and had to face other problems, and of course, I enjoyed important moments with my friends and family. My first decision this year I remember was cutting off my bangs without my parents' permission. I was scolded for weeks, even months and yes, I accept that seeing that picture from the first day of the school year is going to haunt me for a long time but I don't regret what I did. Is not a secret that for many of my irl friends, I'm like a little child that needs attention because if you give me your back, probably I'll be cutting my hair or even doing something worse.

As for emotional and friendship issues... I have to admit that I broke friendships in a non-gentle way, there were also discussions over totally stupid topics and not to mention love issues that simply ended up being a failure—a waste of time, to be honest.

While it hasn't been such an easy year, there's something I still don't even regret doing: coming here to Tumblr. My previous account has many years to created here —probably in 2017— however, at that time I didn't try to search much as I got to do this year and I'm glad I did because I met great people. Sadly I doubt at some point to meet you in person, but I hope you keep in mind that you make my days happier with your comments or just being you. I hope our friendship continues and that you all don't get sick of me so easily. Also, I wish you all the best as I know each of you is talented and has the ability to succeed in your lives. <3

Uh, the paragraphs 👉🏼👈🏼

Also I want you to know that this isn't in an specific order and that I hope you don't feel bad with my words.

💙 - @latte-fairytaekwoon

How can I start this without you rejecting my love? <3 You were one of the first people I decided to approach. I remember reading one or two of your works and just thinking "Wow, she writes very well... I'm going to follow her; it's going to be fun and interesting." I was planning not to talk to you at the beginning, to be honest. My end in mind was just to read what you updated and since you were the third account with content I had decided to follow, I thought it was a good plan. But one thing led to another and I decided to talk to you —which you probably regret since I bother you a lot lmao— and yeah, that's how we met and still talk to each other. I also need to mention that whenever I tried to talk to you about my problems or things that overwhelmed me, you always knew what to say to me even if that included to scold me. You always made me come to my senses. Many times I mentioned to you that you were like a mother to me as you "gave me those vibes" but how can you not? While you don't usually show so much affection through direct words of "I love you" "I care you," I feel them when you advise me. It's going to sound too idk, but I really don't regret to met you, Kitty. This looks like a bible and words repeating over and over again but how to show you that I appreciate, admire and love you if I always try to let you know? At this point if you still think I don't care of you, you are dumb 💖 By the way, it's worth mentioning that you and I have a long path together and you'll continue to be attacked with my love, support and jokes. I love you, mom 😗💙

💖 @winterviolet1

To be honest, I feel bad for not remembering how we started talking... I don't remember if I followed you first or if it was the other way around but hey, let's look on the bright side, it was fun to have met you and come together to always annoy Sofie with Hongjoong gifs <3 I hope we can still be little demons together and please, PLEASE, stop killing me 💀 I love when you send me gifs of Jongho because wow, that boy is definitely a daddy and more when he dances —I refuse to deviate from the subject but he jdudbd— but yeah, he kills me even when he just smiles. My point is that when I see those gifs, I went into a state where my mind goes to places that is better not to mention and I blush because yeah, we talk about my bias isbdkddj and I also frustrate because I find myself unable to return the same treatment to you dkdnskd. Ps: Let me know when we'll be demons again <3

💖 @teeztheflag

Your reactions are idejdindd art I feel shy as I know I never got to create a bond big enough to make you call my friend or that you consider me your friend but hey, it was great to talk to you. <3

Atte: the Slyffindor Girl 💀

💖 @twancingyunhoe

ALLYSSA 🥺 Okay, okay, just mention your name and I'll get in cute mode. I remember following you, yet I hadn't dared talk to you much. The safest thing I'd ever said to you was "Hello! I walk by giving love and support!" for days later asking if you were going to adopt me to have adopted Gabby as my sister 🥺 You're a beautiful person who has such a big, beautiful heart that makes me soft. I know I haven't exchanged many words with you this past month, but I hope that's not going to affect the fact that you're important to me. Thank you for accepting me, giving me love and always being so pretty. <3 kith kith

💖 @tinkerbellwoo

You are such a gift to me diejsndis. Since the first time I knew you, you were very kind and lovely to me. You won a part of my heart with your kindness and yeah, I do remember going to your asks and just "Hey, here is a bunch of love from me to you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Also I hope we can be friends" kejebskssi. That was like my way to ask to be one of your closer moots because you were just so cool and I wanted to be friends with the wonderful person I saw had interactions with some of my moots. I'm sorry because I have time without actually having a large conversation with you and is completely my fault... I hope this new year will change that and I can talk more to you 🥺💖

💖 @yungidreamer

My older sister :( I'm so happy I had the opportunity to talk to you 👉🏼👈🏼 I still don't forget that you once used the dissapointed card with meeee, your little cute princess angel baby sister. I have cero regrets welcome you into my big, not normal, Tumblr family because yeah, probable we aren't the same but at the same time we are the same, if you know what I mean 👀 I hope we can have more conversations between each other because I know is very interesting to talk to you but at the same time I'm so shy :(

💖 @yunderland / @shangri-woo

How can I began this? Ksbsdusbs First, I need ti be honest. I do have my thirst times and well, I read many of your works in ghost mode 👉🏼👈🏼 I was kinda shy to just idk, interact kdidbdkd. Also I began to see you interact with Amelie and was funny and I began to think "What happens if I do try to be friends with her?" but also "What if she doesn't like how I am? I ccan be a bother some times...". And yeah, I was thinking that for maybe two days until I decided to make a move. I followed you and I said "Hi 👉🏼👈🏼 I saw you talking with Amelie... You seem like a kind and lovely person, mind if I try being friends with you?" skdbsudbdks. I. Will. Not. Regret. Talking. To. You. You are such a good person :( Every time we talk, you are just so attentive that makes me soft. Please, keeo being my friend :( even if you don't consider me as your friend :(

💖 @ursaurora

Well, I don't have that much to say because I just said hi while being in hiatus but hey, I really really like the idea of being friends with you. This doesn't stopped me to wish you a good New Year and hey, why not hoping to have a good relationship between each other? <3

💖 @illicit-roses

Rosa xkenskd you sidjdndid are isbddkdj a ksudkdid baby. Such a beautiful, sweet, kind and big hearted baby. I was also the first one to talk to you and I was the one that began being surprised by your words isbwkdz. Not to mention that I also got shy and touched by your words. In this year, I would love to be more close to youuuuuu <3

💖 @inkigayeo / @woo-san

Vivi, I don't know if you will read this so probably if you do, is because I told you in private kxjsksdnsk. I don't feel like remembering you how I began talking to you because you asked and I already told you that but something I for sure need you to know is that... I'm still very touched by your encouraging words to me. I think our first first conversation was about me being depressed and how I was feeling toward myself, then about my admission test that hey, you did amazing with your words. I remember I cried because yeah, I was anxious but you told me a great advice. And when I didn't do well on that an also began saying sorry to you for not doing well, you gave me anither good words that hey... How not be in love with Vivi? Vivi is just a Queen with a big heart and kindness to give to everyone :(( <3

💖 @atinyedits / @atinywrites

My lovely and beautiful Anrose kdbdkzkzd I remember I began to talk to you after I saw a post of Cottons talking about how you were such a fk rat brat and my first thought was "Hey, I want to be her friend" lol. And guess what? That's what I did isbszlxudbzk I went to your asks and I asked you if you wanted to be my friend and you accepted. We began talking and I began having this love to you idbesldjdbs. But something I do need to make clear is that I didn't thought you will be part of my Tumblr family as my mom kdjdsldudhs I still remember reblogging with an "you are married with Allyssa?! She is my mooooom" and yeah, you were welcome to a natural habit of a family who is thirsty 24/7 for Ateez or each other and yeah, such a triangle live attraction and the foughts you still have with my other mom kdisjsnd. But I hope you feel the love I have for you. Because I do love you and I trust you enough. Don't you remember how I send you photos of my body? I do feel insecure about it and still regret to be being called a Queen but yeah, I trust and love you enough, my Anrose <3

💖 @atiny-ahgase

Gabby, my sweetest sister 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 How can I began this? Well... Not to mention that I usually read your interactions with Zad and as I wasn't someone you knew, I was scared to talk to both of you. You because I was mostly shy and for Zad because I thought he was intimidating, funny, right? Well, I'm not sure if I do told you about giving you tons of love and support directly but I do remember adopting Zad as my brother and he telling me he had a sister and my first thought was "Hey, why I can't have a big sister too?" and then I began talking to you and with what I was welcomed? By tons of love and cute gifs of kisses and hugs. You make me feel lovved, Gabby. You are such an angel 🥺 Please, don't stop loving your baby sister Mei <3

💖 @shinyddeonghwa

Omg, omg, omg. I feel bad because I don't even know how I began talking to you T^T I feel bad to admit that I get confused between you and Treasure and ksbsizbdsis I think it was with you that I talked in Portuguese jzusnsks and if not, I'm sorry for the miss understanding ksisjs T^T but something I for sure remember if you trying to dom me and then getting flustered when that didn't worked and it was my time then isnwishsslsns I also need to mention that is always cute everything you do dkdbskzusks even how you talk to me <3 I hope our friendship can last for more time <3

💖 @sansbun & @choisans-dimples

Bun and Cass, the brat in denial 👀😗, the sweetest babies I have met. Two lovely babies that love cats and San. I think my first interaction with the both of you was because of the Tumblr family. Bun, I'm sorry for not talking too much to you. You are such a kind person and I would like to be closer to you in this new year. And for Cass, we talked more in discord but still wasn't that much :( But it was actually funny to see you fighting with Mari, it was cute nsisnslds. I hope both of you know that your auntie loves you so much <3

💖 @galaxteez

ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH <3

Our first conversation was something thirsty, I'm 100% sure about that. And how to forget how I always forgot to turn on to be anon siwnsibddk8dn. But I'm still sure you loved to see my asks while me being anon than when it was actually me because mine was just cute, giving tons of love to you when my anon... Well... My anon 😗 I know I have time without having thisty talks with you so maybe this new year will mark the difference 👀 <3

💖 @ateezstanlove

Ndyensiddhsihssjwj here is when my mind is having problems to remember how I actually met everyone and that's making me feel bad skdbwksjzns but something I can be 100% is that I tried really hard every day to make you feel all the love I can give. I still remember when I saw you were on hiatus and thinking about leaving Tumblr. Being honest, I was really sad but hey, you are here now to receive all my love and have those lustful thoughts about Wooyoung's thighs —I saw that, sis 😗. But yeah sksnqisndks. I love you and I hope we can have more time as sisters this year <3

💖 @ateez-little-star

Jas, the beautiful star in the sky 🥺 You were actually my first sister in my Tumblr Family. I still think is funny how I try really hard to baby you but at the end is in the other way, you end baby me skjssksisns 🥺🥺🥺🥺 How can I be more grateful to met you, uh? You always listened to my problems and I do considered a lot your opinions, is very kind to talk to you. I feel always loved when I talk to you. Also not to mention how I felt when during the night you left and when I searched you, you were gone. I was really sad and my first thought was "If she doesn't come back... She will remember me?" ksudisbskd but in days you came back and I was so happy :(( Please don't leave me again, Jas :( You are very soecial to me, my baby sis 🥺💖

💖 @hiatus-kittenmbb

Msisnsiddn MU AUNTIE HERE, EVERYONE. MSIWBSKDJDSBSB I want your love, cuddles, kisses and all the things you can give me and I'll make sure to make you feel the same, with tons of love <3 Not to mention how funny is to talk to you and all the times you told me to bother Kitty mom hahaha such a good and lovely relationship both of you have hahaha. Ps:Don't forget I love you so much, Auntie <3

💖 @hwastreasure

Mia :( I'm sorry because I don't have many things to say but at the same time I don't want you to feel sad about it. I remember I told you I will talk constantly to you and I didn't do it. Please forgive me :(( Can we try again and be closer now? :(

💖 @hongjoong-a-holic

SOFIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-.... Oh, no. My mistake. Let me try again. MY LIL LIOOOOOOOOOOOON GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR~. I don't have a lot of words how to describe the love and affection I have for you. You were always paying attention to me and giving me love —not to mention that you told me I needed to hug you just because you wanted nsisns and I say no lol— and that's cute sksnsksis. I also want to say that all those times that I do bother you with Blue about gifs of Ateez dancing sexily and those smuts and all that explication of sexuality... I have cero regrets! :D lmao. If you really thought I will say sorry about that, is a nono. I know you love it at the end lmao. But there is something I for sure need to be sorry... I know you were sad about me leaving ti be on hiatus and I still did but baby, I really needed to do it. I promise I'll be back soon. Very soon, just wait for me <3

💖 @hwaberrykiwi

Cam, Cam, Cam, Cam :(( I began to talking to you thanks to Jas that she asked me if I knew you and I said no and she just make me talk to you and guess what? I'm happy she did that because hey, I met an amazing person. And even if we didn't talked that much, something my heart will not forget are the words you told me when I said Uw as going on hiatus. I was really touched, I cried. I really did at the end but yeah. I would love to be more close to such a person with a big big heart <3

💖 @joongieblue

I don't even know how to began this because I think everything I need you to know, you already know it but at the same time I feel like I still need to say a lot :(( I don't want you to feel less as a person anymore... I know you said that way of thinking is because of your depression but baby, try to look at the amazing people who are with you, that cares about how you are and of course you are very important to them. You are very sweet and amazing as a person, let me tell you that I see in you a soft light. A very pure light that needs to shine bright in the sky but the darkness is making her feel like a insuficient and lonely light. Don't worry, things will get better soon. Trust me <3

💖 @seonghwa-is-babie

How can I began this without this looking awkward? 👉🏼👈🏼 I met you thanks to Zad and what I learned is that you were such a good, kind and shy boy but of course I still think you can be very intimidating if you want to. I'm sorry for not having a lot of conversation with you since I met you but I promise I'll try harder to be close to you. Of course, if you don't mind <3

🧡 - @seacottons

How can I began this?... The first time I talked to you, it was me trying to tease you really bad. I can also remember I told you to cald me kitten or something like that at that moment and the next thing we talked was about how I wanted to be adooted by you so bad isnsldks I don't regret doing all what you wanted me to do so you can adopt me because hey, you are amazing, wonderful as my other mom. Talking to you is like a way to calm my insecurities and stress I had during the day. You always giving love to me and even those cute hugs in the head you give or when you are too much sleepy to even type correctly iwjeneid you are such a baby :(( I'm still sorry for the time I called you a rouch, you aren't a bug... You are a beautiful, sweet, kind Queen I have the posibility to call mom. Not to mention that you are also my sweet, cool pumpkin —favorite— mom. Also, I can remember all those times you told me to bother or kick Kitty just because "she need it" dkbsskdjd the time you also wanted to disown me dibedidnzsj Leaving that topic to say cute things I love about you again is that... I'll be forever happy and gratefull with you. You gave me great advice when I needed them the most. You gave me a shoulder and a soft comfortable place to talk about my deep problems, my insomnia, depression, all of that. Thank you, mom. Thank you so much for letting me be part of your life and of course, youre mine. I will not share with Kitty <3

💖 @jongpleasure

My lovely, sweet and innocent twin ^^ lmao, we know we both are like really really twins. Our birthdays are very close, we both are Cancers, have the same bias that we share with each other because damn, he is really nice. But hey, is still very good to know you because you are talented, really really talented. The videos you create are wonderful and I am not saying that just because I know you, they are very good. The same with your fics, are amazing. You are an amazing writer, why you can't see that, uh? Want me to kiss your cheeks and hug you hard till you learn it? If you do want it, you are free to come to me and I'l give ut to you because msidbwks you are my lovely twin that I love so much. Have a great new year, I hope all your problems get resolved and you can noticed how you are talented enough to succeed and that you have friends in here that love you so bad. Kyra, my sweet twin I love so much <3

🕷️🕸️ - @yunhoshoe / @jonghoshoe

Aw, my baby prince Zad :(( The one I can trully see as a baby even when you are such a year younger than me. I want to protect you every time, even when I know I can't do that much virtually... So everytime I need to make me feel that I gave you all the love I can give and hope you can feel all the love I try to give you every time we talk. I'm still sorry for that time I make you feel uncomfortable with my missunderstanding about spiders and all of that... I'm also sorry for that time I send you gifs about dogs when you were scared of them... I'm really sorry, baby. Your big sister is dumb many times but hey, she is also still learning and want to give all she can to you. I hope this new year, we cab still be closer. Who is my little sweet, cute baby prince? Of course, you <3

💖 @xiuminswifeforever

I know we aren't that close, sadly. I follow you on twitter and here and everytime we talk is probably you being horny and wanting to have sex or somethung with your hmm... Is funny to talk to you and I know you told me that you are mostly in twitter and that was why we don't talk that much but hey, I would love to talk more with you. Want to try in this new year? <3

💜 - @yunhoiseyecandy

My sweet angel Violet :(( HoW I can began this? Kdsndid I don't remember very well how I began talking to you... Like I try really hard to remember how I began talking to you and my mind is in blank siwnsksus I'm sorry because of that but at the same time, is the good memories that are important to remember, right? How can I not be feeling grateful with the angel that with some kind words that came from her heart, made me a crying mess because of how touched I was? :(( There are many things I know I will not forget. That time I was feeling low beecause someone was just being very mean with me and you were protective, your kind words when I was just losing my mind and feeling all that pain inside and you helped me release that... For this year, I hope we can still be friends because you are amazing and I don't want to lose you :( <3

💖 @treasure-hwa

I feel really bad if I began saying this but I do want to say the truth and the truth is that I usually get confused between shinnyddeonhwa because you both had/have Hwa in their profiles and I know you both don't even write in the same way but idk, is easily for me to get confused, I'm sorry T^T Changing the subject, I really loved that time when we began talking in Portuguese and Spanish at the same time. Was really funny to even think how everyone would saw that ksjsnskdd Also I am very touched and happy when you roleplay with me... You are very sweet even while roleplaying and that makes me soft in such a way dksbskdid I would like to roleplay again with you, only if you want to any other time 👉🏼👈🏼 Also in this new year, I hope we can still be talking to each other for a long time, sister <3

💖 @cometoceantrenches

Not me being speechless every time I began writing a paragraph kwusnekdid also not me becoming your friend the second you asked me how was the relationship between Cottons and I 👉🏼👈🏼 But look at the good side, we are sisters now and guess what? I noticed how you have a big BIG heart and all the love you can give is just so cute when I receive it or just read it. I hope in this new year we can make new and memorable conversations together. Don't forget you have an special space in my heart <3

🤍 - @vocalyunho

Amelie, my sweet and lovely wife :(( How can I began this? I remember the first time I talked to you. I said your writing skills were amazing and that you were cute and I wanted to try being your friend. Not to mention that two days later I ask you to be my wife dkebdidbdkd But I don't regret that at all. I'm really happy I met you because every time I talk to you, I feel in a safe space... A place I can say how I really feel without being judged... And what do I receive every time I talk my problems out? Sweet words and advice :(( Amelie you are such a good girl, a good advicer and an amazing friend. Thank you so much for letting me be your friend. I know I won something big with your beautiful friendship. Also I know that you have problems and stress but hey, as you said, things hopefully will get better, we just need to be patient and wait. And don't forget that you can come to me everytime you want. I'll be here for you, Amelie. Anlso in this new year, I hope our friendship can grow bigger and yeah, why not trying to create new memories together? Remember you are Yunho of our 2Ho. Love you <3

💖 @sollyho & @ateezinmymind

Well... Maybe this will look like a very short paragraph but... I felt bad at the same time because I don't have that much to say... For sure, I'm happy I met both of you because during our conversations, I can deduce that I can trust you because you are lovely and all of that. What I regret so bad is that during this 2020, I didn't talked that much and that's why I feel bad for not writing something big but please, don't feel that I don't care about you because I do :(( i hope in this new year, we can talk much and maybe be close friends 👉🏼👈🏼

👑 - @barnesbabee

Queen Trixie 👉🏼👈🏼 Well, what I can say is that first, I love your humor keiwbsnd also that everytime you tive your opinion about something, you have valid points. This will sound stupid but I do really like to read when you post something. As I said some days ago in your dm, I really would like to be close to you but at the same time I do feel like that will not occur or will not happen that easily because I am not that cool and well, I don't know, I feel like I would be that kind of person you would dislike easily. Something I promised this year and will keep till this new year is the tonw of love I give to you and the support you need as a powerful queen. <3

💖 @multidreams-and-desires

My baby sis that I love so much, always taking care of me ane telling me how much you love me :(( this year was amazing. Probably our talks are mostly about problems or just giving each other love. I'm happy that I met you because you are always kind and of course you have also those thirsty moments that all our Tumblr family have —that's why we all get along, we are a bunch of people that have Ateez as their weakness lol. Also, I need to mention that in this new year, you need to know that I'll be giving you more love so just wait for me <3

💖 @msmadness99

Seven, my lovely Seven ^^ First of all I need to mention the iconic moment we both noticed we talked in Spanish after months of always talking on English lol. I know some of your insecurities about your writings and I still want to let you know that when I say that your works are amazing, well written and calls the attention easily, I'm being honest and saying that not as your friend, I say that as a fan of your works. I don't know who tells you or makes you feel insecure about them but hey, is amazing. Even those short things you write and don't get me started with Break Out serie siendjdbdkdys Every time you update, you make me have my heart in my throat kduebwdkd You are very talented, don't let others make you think other way. I love you, Seven <3

I think that is all 👉🏼👈🏼

I hope you all receive this new year with a smile and always being positive ❤️

I’m so grateful for your support and love this year. May you have a prosperous, happy and healthy New Year.

May all your dreams come true in 2021! You got this!❤️

[peakascum]

Trouble (pt. 2)

Holy fuck I went through 20 different emotions writing this. Idk if it’s any good, I really hope you all like it. Also I want to add the song I listened to on repeat while writing this just because, https://open.spotify.com/track/321cXoYTsPtmNaVGubsz4o?si=jXiwELdgRY6ZNXVEOm9A3Q

A week had passed since the fight between you and John. He slept over at Tommy’s house, while you stayed at Polly’s. He had tried to visit once and apologize but was met with the barrel of Polly’s gun against his cheek.Polly knew her nephews well and saw how John was hurting. His eyes were dull, his skin was pale, and he was never seen without a bottle in hand. 

As the day dragged on, Tommy called him into his office, unable to see him sulking anymore. “So this,” he gestured to John, “is how you plan on patching things up with your wife?” John looked at him through his lashes. “Fuck off Tommy, I don’t even know what to do anymore.”

Tom’s eyes hardened. “Fuck- Fuck off? Fuck off?,” he hit the surface of his desk loudly and stood up, “fuck off John. Fuck you.” His brother stared at him wide eyed. “Why the hell are you yelling at me for, ey? I tried apologizing but she didn't want to see me!” Now the whole betting shop was listening, even those placing bets. “I tried talking to her two days ago but I couldn’t! Why? Because you,” he stood up and pointed a finger at Tom, “you fucking sent her, my fucking wife, to deal with the fucking Russians.” Both brothers squared up, the only thing separating them being Tommy’s desk. John’s breathing was heavy, his eyes glassy and hands shaking. But he did have a point. 

*flashback*

The plan was for the brothers and you to attend the Russian party, but the evening before John had crossed the line once again. The family gathered in the den of the Garrison going over their parts.You and John sat on opposite sides, but you were hoping that after the meeting you would speak to at least be civil in front of the Russians. Then the barmaid entered, a new woman, beautiful, and just John’s type. 

After his eyes lingered on her for the tenth time that night you just about had it. “You know what, fuck you John and fuck you Tommy. I’m out.”

“The fuck-“

“Y/N!” Tommy exclaimed and grabbed your arm. “Don’t do this now. I know it’s tough but this is business.”

“This,” you said gesturing to the room, “may be business, Tom, but I am sick and tired of being disrespected by my husband in front of his- no, our family.” John snorted, obviously drunk beyond words. “How many times are we gonna go over this Y/N, ey?” You stared at each other, your eyes speaking defeat. “I am done being humiliated John. Fuck her for all I care.” 

“Fuck her? Ha! Fuck her? Oh, fuck me Y/N! Do you know how long I-“

“How long you what?” Polly suddenly interjected making the room quiet. “How long you what John?” She stared at the men’s faces grabbing your and Ada’s hands before saying, “Women are not pets. Wives are not slaves. We are not fragile or dumb. Built differently, possess different skills, but we can kill a man faster than any of you pigs could ever.” She looked over at John’s riled up frame before continuing, “Keep your cock to yourself John. One day you will find yourself surrounded by whores and death and loneliness, and then, just when you think that you've got it all, her face,” she said pointing at you, “will flash right before your sorry eyes, and your life will be reduced to pure shit.” 

You stared at Polly wide eyed while John stared at her. Polly’s always fucking right.

Tommy stared at the three women intently and then at John and a real silent Arthur. “You know what,” he paused to take a drag of his cigarette, “Pol, Ada, and Y/N, you will be attending the dinner with the Russians. We will place Blinders outside for your protection.” He stood up ignoring Arthur’s protests and shut him up with a single look. “Don’t be pathetic. You heard her, different skills, but we all know who’s the best shot in all of Birmingham.”

*flashback ends*

Thomas Shelby had sent his aunt, sister and sister in law into the hands of one of his most dangerous enemies, and boy was John mad. He knew he was in the wrong, but he just couldn't stop pissing off his wife. 

They had yet to return. No one had heard a word from them since they left last night, leaving a nervous Tommy and a distraught John to do something they had never been good at, sit around and wait. 

“Why do you care so much anyway, Tommy?” John asked sitting down once again. 

“I care because your wife is family and of great value to this company. Nobody can do their job right while having all his fucking tension between you.” Tom was very fond of you ever since Grace died. He had always liked you, but after her death you helped with Charlie a lot while never failing to keep your house in check, and do your job well at the betting shop. He admired you. 

John knew he kept fucking up, but he knew that it was just his self destructing methods. He felt embarrassed and the only thing he could do was sulk and act out. 

“Fix this John, you're not dad.” This caused John to look at his brother. A silent understanding between them. Oh, how cruel their father had been. 

John took a breath and his eyes watered, “How am I suppose to fix this Tom, ey? She hates me.” His voice broke at the statement, hands coming up to play with his lips. “She hasn't come back from a dangerous mission that you put her through, and she hates me.” Tommy pointed at him as he brought the cigarette to his lips, “Fucking fix it.”

The night set in once again, bringing in a cold wind of desperation and an all too uncomfortable silence. The act of waiting and never been easy for the Shelby men, much less waiting for the three most important women in their lives. As the night got darker, so did John’s thoughts. Images of you hurt haunted him. His words and actions, all uncalled for, haunted him. 

In a matter of minutes the door to the shop burst open and in ran the three women and a pack of Blinders. The once quiet shop was booming with voices and people, all talking at the same time. John elbowed through them searching for your figure, but you ran past him making your way over to Tommy.

You placed a single piece of paper in his hand with a triumphant smile, “Here are the codes and the address to where the jewels are stashed.” 

“I swear to God, the skills on that girl are unmatched.” Ada said proudly as the plopped on a nearby chair. You giggled tiredly and accepted the praise. “Oh please, what about Polly’s tricks, ey? Swear to God Polly’l have to stay away from Sunday service for a while.” The girls laughed. 

“Oh come on boys, you jealous we had all the fun?” Polly said as she watched her nephew’s confused faces. “Yeh, all right Poll. Just glad you're safe.” Tom said as he took out the whisky bottles. 

John came over to you silently, eyes scanning your figure. The dress you wore slightly ruffled and quite revealing, making his heart quicken. You had dried blood on your cheek and hair in knots, which tore at his heartstrings lightly. 

“Y/N?” He said, locking eyes with you. “What happened to your hair,” he gestured to to you, “and your clothes and cheek.”

You looked at him and said, “It’s just business, John.” Oh, how his own words came to bite him in the ass. “Just business, ey? Just-“ he paused and ran a hand through his face. He took your hand gently and dragged you to his office.

This was the first time you were alone in a while. John took a seat on one of the chairs with his arms resting on his knees, looking defeated. 

“How’d you get the codes Y/N?” He asked peering his eyes at you. 

“Does it matter wh-“

“Yes it does matter!” He screamed, “it does matter how my wife got the most guarded codes in all of Birmingham.” 

You looked at him with tears in your eyes, “I didn’t fuck anyone if that’s what you're implying John.” 

“It- it’s okay if you did. I wouldn't blame you.” He says softly. You scoffed. “I’m not you John.”

He stood from the chair and approached you slowly. His hands caressed your face gently, wiping away the dried blood that latched onto your skin after the Russians didn't comply. His eyes wrinkled a little, those same eyes that lit up every time he saw you walk in. The eyes that desired you after a night of work, when the world was quiet and you could built palaces out of pillows and sheets.

“You've been so horrible to me.” Your lower lip wobbled as you spoke. He flinched a little, feeling his heart break further. “Why would you do that? Have I been so horrible that you would hurt me like that?”

His shook his head quickly in an attempt to make the words fall out of his ears. “I will never forgive myself, but it will never happen again. It- it just fucking won’t.” His voice cracked, “It fucking won’t.”

He started pecking your lips repeatedly, tears mixing with each other, being the first to reconcile. He made his way to her neck and collarbone with is hands following by gripping your sides. Why had they started fighting? 

Your hands gripped his hair softly out of instinct. You had known each other for so long and had loved each other far too passionately to be fighting like this. 

His lips reached your belly, “I promise to be better, I promise.” 

The betting shop had quietened and your rage had passed. “Me too,” and it was a promise. 

“Don’t leave,” and it was an i love you.

Tags: @peakywitch