#idk this can't be normal right??
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Either the people around me are lying because they don't want to admit they're wrong, OR I really am saying things out loud that I don't remember saying out loud, and NOT saying things out loud that I thought I had said out loud, and uhhhhh... that's concerning! :')
#I feel like I'm legitimately insane or have an extremely early onset Alzheimer's case or something#'cause like#why am I not knowing if I actually said things or not#and people keep telling me 'you said this other thing' or 'no you never said that' etc.#like is my brain really that fucked up orrrrrr#idk this can't be normal right??#I'm in a constant state of sleep deprivation and I sometimes take meds that make me drowsy but like#I shouldn't be acting like I have no brain matter left???#what the fuck is wrong with me#best of all is how people see me suffering and they're like 'yeah she's obviously forgetting stuff to be a bitch so let's be mad at her! :)#OR what I said before about how I'm not forgetting things and they're just lying to me.#I genuinely can NOT tell what is going on and it's scaring me...#but everyone blames it on me either way#I REALLY wanted to have a good day today but like. things like this really hurt :')#I feel like I'm too fucking stupid to function and I'll never accomplish anything#because I literally can't even keep track of what I'm saying or doing vs. what I'm just imagining#what the fuck I hate this#just put me down already
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I'm rewatching GF since the whole world seems to be into it right now (thank you Alex and the Book of Bill) and AGHHH I FORGOR about the body swap episode when the twins find the secret room and Stan picks up Ford's glasses and later we see him sitting on the couch looking at them wistfully...
Shut up shut UP that's NOT okay
#IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS THAT ALWAYS GET ME.#The tiny little hints throughout the series about Ford#Stan holding his glasses BREAKS me tho. Idk why. It just hurts 😭#Gravity Falls#Stan Pines#Stanley Pines#Also thinking about how Stan used that same room right after Ford disappeared through the portal#Man..........man. MAN. 😔#I can't WAIT to see mullet Stan tbh. He's just the right amount of pathetic and sopping wet. You know?? LOL#My poor little meow meow. I love him so much. LisTEN#Also I watched Scary-oke last night and ONE OF MY FAVORITE EPISODES PERIOD!!!!#It's so good. Pines family bonding? Bragging over beating Gideon? STAN BEATING A BUNCH OF ZOMBIES#AND LOOKING REALLY HUNKY WHEN HE DOES AND WHEN HE BRINGS OUT THE BRASS KNUCKLES#SHEEEEEEESH!!!#I'm normal about him okay. I promise. I swe#Shima speaks
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Gordon/Barney/Alyx is really really funny to me conceptually bc it's like, two hot geniuses in their 20s who look at the 40-something smartass who hangs around and go 'yeah that guy. we both want him carnally'
#and they're SO right#half life#half life 2#gordon freeman#alyx vance#barney calhoun#freemance#valhoun#freehounce#idk what the hell their poly ship name is sorry lol#(me. posting about a ship with an age gap on the 'can't be normal about age gap ships' website:#SURE HOPE THERE ISN'T ANY AGE GAP DISCOURSE IN HERE)#this was the first time I've drawn any of these characters in LITERAL YEARS and. wow........#feels so crazy that this was the fandom that got me to join tumblr in the first place (in 2011!!!!) and I used to draw them ALL THE TIME#interests change I guess#but I think I'll always come back to hl and portal occasionally. they're too much a part of my dna at this point LOL#my art#description in alt text#oh my god I just went back through my half life tag and the last time I drew these three was when I drew that freehounce meme LMAOOO#how serendipitious
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Prompt 129
Danny, now an adult, has just moved to the city of Gotham. Actually he’s been an adult for a while, but every once in a while he has to end his life, at least legally, lest someone get suspicious. Usually whenever Dan or Ellie does an oopsie and pulls a firebird with being reborn through their core.
So legally, one Danyal Nightingale, has just moved to Gotham to open a bakery (Thank you for the wonderful recipes and bonding Clockwork) while taking care of his practically newborn son Jordan. Of course Elnath- Ellie- had to pull a core retreat too, which is just his luck.
It wouldn’t be a problem, but he’s trying to not be so broody. A ghost- even a half-ghost- carrying another core though, has instincts turned up to like, eleven. Which again, wouldn’t be much of a problem if not for someone falling into his dumpster late at night bleeding. A vigilante, which he’s sworn to stay away from that life years ago. And it’s not a lethal wound…
But his instincts are screaming to not let the person bleed all around his nest, and he knows from experience that it would continue to bother him. Which is how he ends up with Batman on his couch to Dan’s glee if the ghost chirps are to go by.
#dcxdp#dpxdc#prompts#potential spirit halloween#This is before Tim joined as robin but after Jason dies me thinks#Bruce is on a self destruction spiral and there was a lucky hit that managed to give him a concussion#He might cry a little when he first sees tiny baby Dan peeking at him from the crib#There's no proof of it though and he was out of it so it doesn't count#Danny is not impressed with this man's self destruction spiral#No you can't go back to wherever your base is you are sitting your ass down until your ribs are no longer bruised and youre not concussed#You can also just stay right there until breakfast is done you ancients damned idiot#Eventually Bruce will definitely realize the Nightingale family aren't human but for now he's stubbornly trying to leave#Normally when ghosts reform from cores they don't deage but that's not how it works for halfas who have living bodies#Hence them joking about it being like phoenixes or firebirds#does this count as mpreg???#idk it's like 3am rn lol
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i swear my stepdad is so illogical AND stubborn it hurts
#okay so strap in coz this is a wild ride#tl;dr we have been without heat and warm water for years and i mean literal years#because he refuses to pay off some debt he built up with the company#because he feels unfairly treated (let's not get into this. it absolutely makes no sense) by the company#so instead of doing the logical step of growing some balls and admitting he made a mistake and paying off his shit#he's been looking for a new supplier all over but the deal IS#that he's been doing this with a couple of places before and people are hesitant to even make him any offers#and you'd think that learning about THAT at least now he'd be like. idk willing to just pay off his debt and be done with it#but you'd be WRONG#now he's looking to just have our entire heating system replaced for the teeny tiny price of 25000 bucks#mind you his debt isn't even a THIRD of that#and obviously he can't afford those 25000 bucks#so what's his next step now you might wonder?#well good thing you asked. his next step is going off on ME for not paying towards the new heating he wants#and now that that's not working for him guess what he did next?#that's right. he bought shit expensive 'space heaters' that are pretty much just small little boxes that you plug into an outlet#and he swears up and down that they're going to heat up our house (it's negative degrees outside)#(it's obviously not working)#and genuinely. all i can think of is how much money he shoved into trying to macgyver this house into a house with warm water and heating#and how he blew off ten thousands of bucks he got paid when he retired within the span of two weeks#when this debt could have been paid off ten times over by now#so now you might be thinking. okay tiago. why don't you move out#good question you see. my mom is disabled and reliant on someone who cares for her#something that he can't won't and shouldn't do because the last time he sorta kinda tried she almost died and we had to call an ambulance#she wouldn't eat a thing if i weren't there to cook. the house would fall into disrepair if i wouldn't do maintenance all around#i've set up (functioning) heat in some areas she occupies and i've gotten a boiler going so she at least has warm water#i'm paying off their bills to make sure he doesn't skip on paying any others. i'm buying groceries for them because again they wouldn't get#any for themselves#and finally. i've offered to pay off his debt so that we can finally live like normal fucking people do#and guess what. guess WHAT. he just got mad at me for not adding money to that 25000 bucks pool for that new fancy heating he wants
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Lrb dear god, this reminded me of that time when Alfred-chan got sooooo mad at my post explaining why fans should respect bisexual headcanons for Maria and Malenia instead of pretending like they're canonically lesbians and that they get oppressed and erased by mxf ships with them. They kept vagueing that post for like a MONTH in their blog including in tags under reblogs of Maria fanart, passively-aggressively changed their url to character+sexuality to "spite" me and then even made a sockpuppet account to start shit with me in the comments.
They deactivated when me and Val completely obliterated their "you cultivate lesbiphobic following by telling people why they should respect all sexuality headcanons instead of acting cultish or assuming their experiences and stereotypes equal canon confirmation" garbage with actual facts and logic tho but I screenshotted everything fjthfgfj (I learned to document everything the hard way after they've changed the she/they pronouns to they/they pronouns ONLY to accuse me of misgendering, so thank you for making me wiser I guess 😎). Even more vile, as they, a white person, larped as an Arab in that sockpuppet to hold even MORE "privilege" against me in discussion gjtjfh Because for them race, gender or sexuality are just badges of honor and dishonor, they don't see these as traits of actual human beings. And Dr Eugene X, who worked with them and weaponized her race to accuse everyone who disagreed with her of racism, didn't bat an eye at such a terrible act too?? As usual, rules are not for their friends, lol
It is not even the worst thing Alfred did, and yet all of this just, just, JUST because I wrote a point on why bisexual headcanon people did nothing wrong and there is no ground to claim something is canon when it isn't. 🤦♂️ Like, they were soooo convinced that I hated lesbian headcanons and that I'd feel angry if they called Lady Maria a lesbian, when what I was angry at is this exact toxic behavior in the fandom. No matter how much you like a headcanon, don't be a bitch about it. Maria doesn't """belong""" to any gender or sexuality, she belongs to anyone who likes her and is invested in her complexity as a character!!!
Yet, apparently, common Malenia simps / Finlay shippers are no better than common Maria simps / Mariadeline shippers. Just, wild how after shit like this, many people have the guts to claim that it is "sexist redditbros" who are the biggest problem of creators in the fandom. 🤦♂️ They'd actually blush if they encountered what such self-proclaimed "feminists" do to their own (!!!) over headcanons. 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
#also fuck anna for thinking shit like this and way worse things alfred did is not as evil and toxic as#as me snapping at her for DEFENDING alfred#wiki: I can excuse stalking harassment cultish shunning bullying fantomette lying slander weaponizing identity but-#-I draw the line at katy getting too emotional when I admit as much uwu#granted she did admit that the reason for this is because alfred didnt concern her personally#she is probably the person I'll forgive last in this situation if ever#as much as I hate alfred they clearly have no empathy and compassion and lie for medical reasons#it isn't my assumptions they often reblogged this shit#I know mental illness is not an excuse for so much harassment for variety of reasons but-#-why would someone want to change if they medically can't feel guilt for their actions?#I feel bad for them and they hopefully will get help#as for Eugene idk... they seem to be a typical brainwashed youth#such people either change with age or get strongly bitten in the ass and get reality check#granted people who still follow her did admit she goes head hunting and then plays victim#as well as they only keep in touch because they worry they'll be dragged down if they are not at her good side#rather than because they like her posts (which are so untrue to BB that she can just make OCs anyways)#choir boy is literally just mindless sheep that didnt even have dignity to make it personal#hence is the name#I am sure he is lovely in his own circle it just doesn't concern me or my friend#but anna?#she knew what she was doing and has no excuse#fandomry rambles#it is also funny how they are four cringe failures and us are four based people#best AND worst groups come in four lol#also I know you all are dying to know how I can still hold grudges year later right?#it is hard to explain#I live normally and recover and not think of it but then scar starts to hurt#like you know how physical scars can react to weather or shit? mental can too
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[ID in alt text]
Another wip! It's kind of almost done :)
#sha gojyo#saiyuki#wip#gotta tag talk for a sec -#idk if it's weird or inappropriate considering the smiley mood of the wip but I just kinda need to#cw: death I guess#life's so so bizar right now - just. incomprehensible in a way#I don't know how to describe what's going on in my head#with my dad being on his death bed#on one hand it's all consuming and on the other. like. life is still happening? I worked today. did work things#I'm working on this light-hearted little comic and it feels almost rude to keep drawing it#like whatever I make should be sad or angry or whatever#or not at all#but this is still what I wanna draw#I keep thinking about fucking Inktober bc it's something that brings me joy normally#but I will absolutely not be able to do it and it's so so so unimportant in the grand scheme of things#I have sketches that I like so idk they'll get finished eventually#got a message about a commission I would love to do but the deadline is in around December#and I just can't know if I'll even be able to do#it's just impossible to imagine my dad pretty much definitely not being here in two months#let alone what life will be like and what *I'll* be like#it's so weird#danikunst#fanart#described#1
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Thinking of the end of Zelda Twilight Princess and TP Link again
Since the start of your journey, all you've tried to do is keep your home and your loved ones safe. You hardly understood your own destiny at first, the major role you were to play in this world. Though you could never have refused the future that lay before you, it remains that it's this wish to protect your home, your loved ones, and to bring everything back to normalcy that drove you in the beginning. And it, too, remains that even though you found others to care for and had accepted your destiny (that there became a point where you embraced your role in fixing everything), that original goal still remained. After all, you, the people you care about, none of you can go home or live in safety until the threat is defeated.
What if you'd started out as a boy from a small, rural town, one who'd hardly dreamed large, but couldn't shake his curiosity in the world outside. You never wanted to leave your village for long, but you were interested in getting a chance to see Hyrule's capital, meet those people your older friend had told stories of. And then, when the monkey's paw curled and the goddesses gave you a grand adventure, all you wanted was to pave the way for everyone to be able to go home, including yourself. Once it was all over, you and everyone else could finally relax, right? Things would finally go back to normal, wouldn't they? And the children could forget the horrors they'd seen, like none of it ever happened.
But after all that... Even after shedding the hero's tunic, returning the sword of evil's bane to its resting place, and finally returning home with everyone...home is not the same anymore. You were supposed to feel safe again, comforted by the sounds of the nearby wood, the smell of the goats, and the rough texture of the pumpkins that grow in the village, but even lying in your own bed makes you restless and feel on edge. Sometimes, the children still run around the village like they used to, playing pranks on each other and playing hero, but each one of them has an air of...maturity that wasn't there before.
Colin is more confident. He doesn't follow you around or spend as much of his time watching the other kids play. He spends time telling his baby sister stories and training with his father (like you once had) to learn the way of the sword. The other kids don't pick on him as much anymore either.
And Talo. Talo thinks the village is much too defenseless now, especially after everything he's been through. He never really left the rooftops of Kakariko Village, the village lookout who was trying to protect everyone the only way he could. He's even confided in you before that he's trying to learn a weapon too, and trying to convince Colin to join forces with him as village protectors. According to Talo, Colin says there's no need to worry with you and his dad around. No better protection than a hero, right? But Talo says he knows you and Rusl won't always be around. And...maybe that's true. One day, you too will grow old with time, but something about the way Talo says it makes you feel...uneasy. As if he was seeing right through you. Was he seeing something you were ignoring, or was he really truly talking about the day in which you are no longer able to protect anyone?
Beth is still a bit boy crazy, still fancies herself more mature than the others as she had before, but there's some respect there now when she interacts with them. She refuses to tell you what she's been up to, but you've seen her working in her mother's shop, talking to Uli as she feeds her baby, reading with her father, and helping Ilia wash Epona in the spirit's spring. Ilia seems to know more than she lets on when telling you that it's a casual hangout, but you have an inkling of what it's about. Given the others, it's no surprise if Beth, too, is trying to find her place here, trying to help in some way.
Malo is perhaps the one who'd changed most obviously. While everyone had been happy to go home after the defeat of Ganondorf, Malo couldn’t simply stay the same quiet kid who'd followed his brother around. He'd built a growing business back in Kakariko, dedicated to making goods affordable to the common person and raising funds to fix up local infrastructure. He couldn’t continue to run it from Ordon (though Sera's told you that he'd made an offer on her shop). You've even been able to hear him muttering under his breath about the state of Malo Mart management, and plotting to skip town (after all, young as he is, and after everything that's happened, there's no way his parents would just let him go back on his own). As before, Malo doesn't speak to you often, but he had...said something that shook you not long ago. He'd not so subtly "hinted" that you could make an excuse to leave, and that it wouldn't be hard for him to stow away as you went on your trip. You didn't know quite what to say, but when you began to mention his parents he'd cut you off. "So you're too scared to leave."
(Are you too scared? No, of course you could leave if you wanted to. And you don't want to, do you? You're home again, which is the only place you've wanted to be since the world went to shit. It'll just take...time for you to feel okay again. No better place than home to heal, right?)
But it's...not just the kids who've changed. Fado was happy to have you back, of course (he's always said no one wrangles the goats quite like you), but he’d... Well, even though he was the one who extended the offer, he seems to fear this is beneath you, that he's tying you down, keeping you from a grander life. No matter how much you assure him this is exactly where you want to be, that you just want things to return to normal, he doesn't seem convinced.
Not to mention the rumors in the village of your feats, all the talking behind your back. You'd been celebrated as a hero when you and Rusl returned back with the missing children, and now, since you've been trying to return to normalcy, others continue to be weird around you. You're a hero (were at least), yes, but are you not the same Link the villagers have known as long as you've lived here? Do you not occasionally assist with their troubles. Do you not try to make occasional small talk as before? So why do they seem to have trouble talking to you? Why do they have so much to say, and yet none of it said to your face?
Home has changed. And even that which has stayed the same doesn't feel...correct. That which is still familiar feels like nostalgia slipping through your fingers, not the reality before you.
But then again, when you spend weeks following your old routine, trying to act as you did before, and nothing seems to get better. When you lay in a bed (your bed) that's the same as it was when you first left it, you wake up sweaty and fearful from nightmares, and you feel exposed when you should feel safe, is it home that's the problem? What about when you look at the sunset and dream of places faraway, of the people you met and the things you've seen, and it feels like something's missing (something, perhaps, not wholly unrelated to the person people you'll probably never see again)?
Ilia was the one who first assured you that this path was the right one. When she finally had a chance to relax, deal with her amnesia head on, it was reminders of home and her past which comforted her, allowed her to get better. Of course, you know she'd never just forget everything she'd been through before, and she wouldn't expect you to either, but she'd agreed that being home would allow you to heal too. That's...that's what you've been hoping.
On many occasions you think about confiding it all in her, telling her what you've been going through, but you can't go through with it. Not when she seems...happy again.
So, after weeks of letting bits and pieces slip, you finally confide in Rusl. It's a day similar to all those months ago. The sun is setting as you and he sit at the spirit's spring after a long day, and he tells you about his week. You tell him that even as things get better, they don't really get better. When you don't have nightmares of tragedy and never ending battles and failure, you're dreaming of the people and places you met during your journey. No matter how much time you spend there, or how much furniture you move around to your liking, or decorations you add to the walls, the idea of your home being home feels like you and the feeling are separated by an impenetrable wall of glass. You can see that feeling of comfort, of home, of familiarity, but you just can't quite touch it. Your house is yours, and yet you can't seem to fit in it anymore. You've gone back to normal, and yet everyone is treating you differently. You try to relax, and you just can't quite sit still, feeling like...
You finally admit that feeling you've been stuffing down to him as you ramble (something rare for you to begin with). It's not just that you can't feel safe at home, that healing is a tough process, but that you feel like there's something yet you need to do. It doesn't feel right trying to be the person you were before. The routine which should be great for its simplicity and famliliarity feels wrong, almost stifling.
Did you really think you could just go home after all you'd seen and been through, go back to that small world and cut off the rest of it, just so things could be like they were before?
Maybe it's you who's wrong. Maybe you're broken and your edges dulled and chipped so the old pieces don't fit back together anymore–
But Rusl, ever a comforting presence in your life, just hugs you. He says he cannot even begin to comprehend the things you've been through. He acknowledges how hard it is to heal. Both things you already knew.
Then...he tells you his story, that he knows how hard it is to return to all of this after such an ordeal. You are not the only person who must deal with it now. You're not alone.
And then, as you consider telling him that if everyone is dealing with this, then surely they're handling it better than you, he tells you something that causes you to freeze.
"If you need to leave, you can."
"Of course," Rusl continues, "if you want to stay, we'll support you. You don't have to pretend everything is normal. And even if you go, it's not like you'll be banished. You can always come back here, even if you can't stay."
And so you speak the words you've thought every time someone suggests leaving here, or suggests that you won't stay. "Do I have to go? Is...does everyone just want me gone?"
Rusl shakes his head. "Of course not. We all love and care about you like we always have, hero or not."
Then...why do I feel like...this around everyone? you think.
"The question is...it's not whether anyone wants to you go or thinks you should go." Then, Rusl places a hand on your shoulder, face deeply serious as his eyes lock onto yours.
"The question is: Do you want to go? Do you need to go?"
For a moment...you're speechless. You know what you want, you think. You've wanted to return home all along, haven't you? That's...all You've been trying to do since you defeated Ganondorf, lost bid Midna farewell, shed the garb of the hero and returned the master sword to its grove. But...what do you need?
"I don't...I don't know what I need," is all you say.
"...Well," Rusl says, after a moment of contemplation. "I can't tell you what you want any more than I can accurately guess what you need. And I can't make your decision for you."
"...Right." So that's it then. Either you go, admit that there's no fixing you, no point trying to fit a misshapen puzzle piece in an old hole, or you stay, keep trying to move on and get things as close to normal as you can as you have been for weeks.
"Hey," Rusl says after a moment. "Hey, listen to me for a second."
You raise your head, shift your eyes from where you'd cast them at your sandals.
"You'll be okay, Link. You've been through a lot, and it's changed you—like it's changed all of us. But, you have your whole life ahead of you, and I suspect you have more choices than you even believe."
"...Yeah."
"I may not be able to tell you what you need, but I can tell you to follow your heart. If you listen to it, it'll lead you where you need to go."
"My heart?" You sound a bit skeptical.
"I mean...isn't it your heart that got you here? You didn't undertake the journey and save your loved ones by being weak of heart did you?"
And that...that's true. With everything that was at stake (especially that which you cared about most), it was your heart that wouldn't allow you to back down, wasn't it?
In the end, you nod.
Rusl smiles. "Then why ignore it now?"
"Why ignore it now?"
The rest of what Rusl has to say goes unsaid, but...you think you get it anyways.
"Why ignore it now? Has it ever lead you astray?"
"...Thanks, Rusl," you say, finally. You don't tell him that you feel a bit better now, but his smile grows regardless.
"It's no problem, Link. Anytime you need."
And so the sunset passes into night passes into morning, and there's a weight on you when you wake up. You know, somehow, in this moment, that a decision has to be made, a potential path chosen. There's no ignoring it.
And you find her—Ilia—in the spring.
"You're...leaving, aren't you."
"I..." You haven't even put on any gear, nor unearthed that special tunic tucked in your basement, nor have you saddled Epona up yet. When you woke up, you still didn't know what it is you need.
"...I am," you say finally.
There's a moment of silence.
"I...some part of me knew you would." Then, she adds, "One day."
"...Why?"
She shakes her head. "I can't explain it. You just...you haven't seemed...quite right lately."
I haven't?
You thought you must've seemed at least fairly normal, must have with all the effort you put in.
"You're... You weren’t..." Ilia hesitates for a moment, as if afraid to say the words at the edge of her tongue. But then, she sighs.
"You don't seem happy here."
"I-I've...I've tried to–"
"I know," she says, cutting you off. "I know. I have..."
You wait for her to finish her thought, but she never does.
"Hey, Link, before...before you go... Come back to this spring. I'll wash Epona for you."
There's a bit of strain in the smile Ilia gives you, but you nod, smiling back.
It's...it's not easy to leave. It never is, and it never gets easier, no matter how many times you have to do it. And so, as you gather some final supplies, thank Rusl for his advice, and put on your gear (finally unearth the tunic you'd hidden away), you remind yourself that this isn't truly goodbye. You're just...going on a little trip, chasing your heart. You'll visit sometimes, right? It's just a little trip.
And eventually, geared up, you make your way to the spring. As expected, Ilia is there, grooming Epona when you arrive.
Out of everyone, you feel Ilia has been both the easiest and the hardest to read. Ever since everyone returned to Ordon, it made sense the way she stuck right back to the comforts of home and her old routine. She's...not all okay, but it's seemed to make her happy. And yet...there's something else about her. There's a bit of weirdness there you can't parse out, and there's something in the way she speaks that always feels like there's something going unsaid. You feel it more than ever as she turns to face you in the spring, seems hesitant about giving Epona over, even as she says that Epona is washed and ready.
Although, then again, there's something nostalgic about this moment. As you mount up Epona and Ilia asks you to take care of her, and not to take on more than you can handle.
You know the moment is here. You can feel it. It's time to go.
And yet, there's one last thing holding you back. You look down at Ilia as she begins to speak again.
"...Link, I–"
"Hm?"
Silence.
"I...never mind." Ilia waves you off, mustering up a smile. "You should... You should go. Don't let me hold you back."
You nod in response. Her expression is a bit bittersweet, although perhaps the smile you return her is just the same.
And so you take off with Epona, galloping across the bridge between Ordon and Faron. You leave her standing outside the spring, and you make a beeline for Hyrule Field, craving to feel the wind in your hair and the sun on your face.
Your wants, your desires...those deep down ones may be impossible. But it's something. Traveling, following where your heart leads, it feels familiar. It feels...right.
And once your journey begins, you think it's almost laughable that you thought that you could just go back home after all that you'd seen and experienced and...lost. At least now, though your future is uncertain, though you still can't quite feel safe, though you still can't banish the nightmares, at least you no longer feel...stifled.
At least you can be free now.
#legend of zelda twilight princess#twilight princess#loz twilight princess#loz tp#link#tp link#link tp#long post#i just be ramblin#there's some ililink/lilia and midlink in there if you squint#sorry I wrote most of this weeks ago and left it in my drafts cause I couldn't seem to finish#and then a few days ago I beat TP again...so I finished this with the ending fairly fresh on my mind#Though most of this is self indulgent‚ originally I had wanted Ilia to go with him somehow‚#(that's originally where I got stuck writing this) but it was not to be#And in the original game's ending‚ when Link leaves‚ he leaves on a completely normal day without fanfare. and he leaves Ilia standing there#outside the spring#So I knew I had to depict that instead. that bittersweet feeling of pursuing the life you need right now while leaving those important to#you behind. And of feelings unsaid#something fitting about the idea that neither Midna nor Ilia could bear to confess what was in their heart in the end.#So idk it's both self indulgent and canon compliant and built to hurt me in a good way#I love this game so so so freaking much#And if you can't tell I'm also really emotional about the idea of Link never truly being able to go home again after such a large journey
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celia hates basically all of chris's friends by virtue of them Being Chris's Friends (it personally offends her that there are people who love him better than she ever could in his life), but she has a special distaste for sandra, who she not only dislikes for being a dirty whore promiscuous, but she's also openly accused her of trying to steal chris from her, an accusation that held no weight when it was first leveled at her cuz sandra hadn't thought she cared about chris like that but it slowly became a self fulfilling prophecy as she spent more time with him and his parents and decided "yeah, actually, i am going to steal your son from you and your creep husband you piece of shit, fuck you celia fuck you fuck youfuck you"
#sandra starts noticing the way chris wilts with embarrassment and shame when celia insults either of them#or the way he flinches when raymond gets too close to him#and promptly chooses to take her accusation as a challenge because haha wow this is not a safe household for him is it celia!#for the record i think celia also detests that raymond clearly likes sandra but she's more concerned about her taking chris away from her#it's normal for husbands to get a wandering eye after all. it doesn't necessarily mean anything. not if she ignores it hard enough.#chris however...........that's her loyal little lapdog whom she hates but can't stand to not be around her#and sons *are* meant to leave eventually as much as celia dislikes the idea of him being free to make his own choices and embarrass her#she just needs to make sure that he goes to someone who'll help her keep that tight leash she has on him. someone who'll let her intervene#in his life if he veers off the path she wants him on. a path that constantly changes with her whims because it's more about being able to#control him than having any coherent end result#and she knows for a fact that sandra will help chris loosen that leash if she gets too close so she's immediately on the defensive the#second she meets her. she knows she'll be an Issue#the thing is though is it's partly her own fault because sandra might not have have gotten so invested if celia hadn't egged her on lol#i like her being a spite motivated person under the right circumstances. hehe#the goes wrong show#chris bean#sandra wilkinson#celia bean#chrissandra#chris&celia#abuse tw#misogyny tw#? idk if that's the best tag to use here just lmk i guess#marshy speaks#gotta say btw writing celia's fucked up patriarchy ridden inner monologue is so fun she has so many issues and problems#horrible woman. i hate her <3#i'm such a yapper i did not mean for these tags to get so long ghldkjsafkadsf#could've been their own post. but also. no they couldn't have. y'know#anyway this post has been in my drafts for too long. be released my child
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Okay so I recently, finally, watched Wish and I have some thoughts. Overall, not as bad as everyone makes it out to be, but still has a lot of fundamental story problems and I've got to get them off of my chest. I'll mostly be focused on Magnifico because I think his motivations and arc largely represent the problem with the overall theme.
Okay so my biggest problem with Magnifico is his motivation. His tragic backstory. How on earth does he go from losing his whole family to thinking, the only way he can prevent that from happening again is to grant wishes? The logic doesn't track. It almost makes sense in his creating a kingdom where he protects everyone and "doesn't even charge rent," but it does not make sense with his wish granting. Having a great need to be control to make sure he doesn't lose anyone ever again can be a compelling motivation for a villain, where we see lines crossed that don't justify the intent, but in the movie, he's too self-absorbed to seem to have any actual care for the people of Rosas.
I think if the motivation was changed to something like Magnifico had once been a bright-eyed, enthusiastic wish granter who blindly believed all wishes were good but learned the hard way that that wasn't true could have been a better fit for the overall goal of the movie. Imagine that he granted a wish for a wicked person who used that wish to hurt others, or if Magnifico granted a wish but that wish ended up ruining the person's life because what they wanted wasn't what they needed (i.e. Remember The Princess and the Frog? Dig a little deeper) and that person could have went after Magnifico and blamed him for their troubles (harkening back to We Don't Talk about Bruno). This would be an understandable tragic backstory for Magnifico, and better explain why he's so careful about the wishes he grants. And, perhaps the reason he keeps the wishes he doesn't want to grant is to keep the people in his kingdom docile. No one will be angry with him for not granting their wishes if he makes them forget them and lose that drive and motivation, which makes more sense than the unexplained hording them like he does in the movie? Why does he keep them in the movie other than admiring the wishes? It doesn't make sense to me.
This would give Asha more of a reason to oppose him, if it's shown how his desire to not get hurt or to inadvertently cause hurt turned into a paranoia where he drains people of wishes to fly or play music that inspires others. And, as a side note, we need to see more of how Rosas is a kingdom of people who lack drive and motivation, where only those younger than 18 have that special part of them that inspires them to chase after a dream (something that Astor Rhymemaster touched on). Because that's the point of wishes, right? That's the point of the entire Disney canon. A dream is a wish your heart makes. That star can only get you so far, it takes hard work and determination. It's wanting something better in life, it's dreaming of leaving behind all you know to chase after a tangible light. It's finding a new dream, it's finding a new wish as you grow and learn about yourself and the world.
I don't think the movie Wish understood what makes wishes so important in Disney stories. You know what wishes do? They ignite change. It's not about getting what you want, it's about finding the courage to chase after something better. Ariel wants to be where the people are, but really she wants to be somewhere where others are willing to understand her and in the end, she finds that and makes amends with her father, who finally is willing to see her for who she is. Rapunzel wants to see the lights, and that desire pushes her to leave a tower she's been trapped in her whole life, learning that the world is not as cruel and cold as her abusive mother told her. Cinderella wants to go to the ball, to dance with people who treat her as a person and not a servant of cinders and ash. That wish is granted by a fairy godmother and gives her a hope that is worth fighting for, a hope that helps her reclaim what is rightfully hers; a glass slipper that fits only her and the love that comes with it.
Wishes inspire change. The movie should have been about that. Magnifico could have been right, that some wishes inspire negative change that can drag down multiple people. The kingdom of Rosas could have been so placid because change is scary. Maybe Magnifico could have convinced people, after taking their wish, that it wasn't worth it. Maybe the wish ceremonies could have changed so it wasn't portrayed as some sort of lottery everyone looks forward to, but Magnifico would grant wishes on the spot if he decided they were good and worthwhile, and he would lock away the wishes that would cause trouble and tribulations. 18 year olds could be enthusiastic to give him their wishes, thinking they were surely good and worth granting, only to forget their wish and be told that their wish would have only brought about their unhappiness, this would have justified a more solemn tone in the kingdom, setting up a world where people are mostly downtrodden, thinking their wishes are bad and pointless and they're better off without them. Imagine Cinderella or Rapunzel being told their wishes weren't good, reinforcing all the things their abusive families tell them, taking away that hope and courage to find something better for themselves.
Here's where the true conflict could come in. Asha could be onto this from the beginning, and her opening song could have been about this concern that the people who didn't get their wishes granted aren't willing to try at all. (Because, after all, why doesn't Sabino play music at all? Having that taken from him would take so much joy and creative expression from his life!) But why does Asha know something is amiss?
Simon.
Imagine that Magnifico has a strict rule not to ever share your wish with another person because then it wouldn't come true. It makes sense with our own superstitions, and then makes it so that no one knows anyone else's wishes. Maybe your best friend changes so drastically after giving up their wish, but you believe, like everyone else, that their wish would have only caused suffering. What can you do about it? Well what if Simon told Asha about his wish? What if Asha knew his wish wasn't dangerous and couldn't imagine a way that it could go wrong? That would give her a reason to doubt Magnifico and put more emphasis on how Simon has lost his drive like all the other adults in the kingdom. And it can also emphasize in the end that sharing your wishes and dreams with others can be a powerful thing. Just the act of sharing your dreams can inspire others to go after their own, and they can give you the encouragement to chase your wish too. Wishes inspire change, love gives you the courage to make it happen.
Imagine if the star boy used to be a human, who wished to help others and lost his humanity to do it. Imagine his wish confirms Magnifico's belief, that wishes cause suffering because star boy lost his tether to earth and is separated from the people he loves. Imagine how he foils Asha who also wants to grant everyone's wishes. Imagine him ensuring she doesn't make the same mistake he did while she gives him a reason to change again, to anchor himself to humanity again because he loves her enough not to leave for forever.
Imagine the movie confirming that, yes, change is scary. Chasing your dreams won't always make things better. You might fail more than you succeed and some wishes cannot coincide with each other, leading to grief and strife. But some wishes are worth it. Sometimes, chasing after something better and failing is worth leaving a worse situation. Sometimes taking that chance is worth it, and, like in all fairy tales, if you are kind and generous and act with love, that will make all the difference in the end.
Also, I know everyone wished for a Magnifico and Amaya evil power couple, but imagine if Magnifico was truly in love with Amaya, as he is in the movie, but that love is eventually his undoing. Like Amaya leaps in front of Asha, and Magnifico stops or redirects his attack because she's the one thing he loves more than himself and that is the weakness that Asha and co can take advantage of. Imagine Amaya keeping Magnifico in the mirror and he gets to dote on her from his imprisonment for forever. I'm just saying. At least 30 sickos like me would be into that. Imagine the depth it would give to the themes of love and change and wishing and how acts of love make all the difference.
Alright, I'll get off my soap box. I just really wish Wish could have been stronger because these fairy tales Disney is famous for matter. They really do. But the movie feels too stale and shallow and too much of a cash grab that knows the outline of a disney musical, but is unable to understand the heart of why they work.
#rose and rambles#wish 2023#disney#disney wish#if you read anything i post let it be this im shaking the bars of my cage#I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT FAIRY TALES AND DREAMS LET ME AT THE PEOPLE WHO MADE WISH SO SHALLOW#ILL MAKE THEM TEA AND GIVE THEM A GOOD SCOLDING#WHILE STEALING THEIR CLOTHES AND PUTTING ON A FAKE MUSTACHE TO TAKE OVER WHILE THEY'RE NIBBLING ON NICE COOKIES#THAT'S A TOTALLY NORMAL THING TO DO RIGHT#if you want to tell a good story you gotta tell it yourself <- my villain origin story#or at least my Sebastian kiss the girl moment. i can't believe they took out star boy. God forbid independent women have romantic interests#anyway im obsessed with how Magnifico always called Amaya “my love” and i think we can do beautiful and twisted things with that#Also i kind of hate the whole 'oh there's no saving him from this evil magic corruption' like le please that's the most stupid thing to eve#be in a fairy tale#just proves these people didn't actually read the snow queen#also also go watch Astor Rhymemaster she's a genius and explains songs IN SUCH AN IN DEPTH WAY#i haven't interacted with much other wish stuff so idk how others are rewriting it but this my ideal
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our flag means death S2E3: the innkeeper
#our flag means death#ofmd spoilers#ofmd s2 spoilers#shrimp gifs#it was just a very pretty scene i think#i'm laughing because i played around with curves -- as you do -- but then i had to manually bring the brightness down and make everything#more blue again because it's just better that way lol#god i'm having... so many little marbles bouncing around my head like#this post is already tagged with all the spoiler tags i think i can talk in here#the way it started i had No Inkling At All that this would be this kind of setting. so i didn't pay attention to the surroundings or all th#stuff. hell i could barely hear what they're saying because all my fancy schmancy english skills fall apart in the face of your normal soun#mixing. I MISSED THAT IZ AND ED SAID “LOVE” LIKE HELLO#but. but anyway. but. but once it was revealed that This Is All In Ed's Head. that hornigold is ed and everything is ed. man. god.#it's cold and wet and dark (ed likes warmth). ed was washed up on the shore with his face full of sand but THEN he got rescued by someone#who he hated and associated with all the pain and violence AND who then force-fed him soup so he could get better. who had pretty pieces of#glass hanging from his tent (there's no sun but the decoration itself is a promise of a pretty sighs when the rays of the sun hit#just right--) AND you can't forget the sandals. and the play-acting and aoughhhh EEEDDDDDDDD god he's so good HE'S SO GOOD#i dont think i should touch the delightful revenge scenes because they're dark as fuck and idk if the files i have are hq enough#to survive the becurvening. BUT. ed my love!!! i hope this is not where your insanities end
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🥲
#just a heads up if it seems like I'm blogging and normal: I am not#have genuinely been struggling between planning either... suicide. or to run away from everything#idk all I can even say is I'm just capital t Trying. right now. for anything#so I'm distracting myself somewhat with stuff like finishing fgo stories and whatever#All I want is to be treated with a little dignity.#and I feel like lately nobody does or people just assume the worst of me and then blame me for it#or infantilize me or act like I'm some fucking animal to be observed and trained#this is on top of the amount of stress I'm going thru at work being the person who comes in clutch while Everybody calls out sick#so yeah I have been contemplating ending it all lately because I can't fix myself and I kind of don't want to#regular posting may return idk#we'll just have to see how this next week goes#I just ask people to not take out their frustration on me I am already dealing with everybody I ever known taking it out on me right now#and treating me badly and blaming things on me because they know I can 'handle it'#so I'm struggling between 'it's really me that's irrevocably bad everyone else is right' and 'everyone is taking their depression out on me'#and I just. can't. take it. anymore.#and I don't have the energy to defend myself because every day someone asks me to take responsibility for some nonsense or try to mediate#and i don't have time for my own feelings right now so I'm just driven to try and hurt myself#and I couldn't even talk about this for a week. I would hear myself or another alter telling me to shut the fuck up and stop being dramatic#I couldn't process anything#I couldn't physically or mentally even conceptualize telling anyone anything because it all just seemed so stupid to me#and it kind of is?#but I don't really know what to do about it.#so here I am. Still here for now. I don't know. I don't feel like anyone can actually help me. I'm well aware that nobody Can help me#so rose is forced to be alone once again while whatever this is passes or changes shape. idk#long tags //////92829
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is this a safe space
#personal#i think. romances in video games are getting out of hand. sorry#this website cannot be normal about it ever in any video game in like seven billion different ways#to take bee gee three as example the only thing i heard about it for the longest time was just. romance related stuff#nothing about the gameplay. or what the story was about or whatever. and it's like#i feel like i play games for vastly different reasons sometimes LMAO and like that's fine. everyone can play it however they want#but with the way everything just keeps circling back to romances all the time and the weirdass discussions around it. idk!#could just be a me problem though idk. but i AM right about this website not ever being normal about romances in video games#you can't get my ass for that. gestures at like 3 different big fandoms from the top of my head
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this might sound a little crazy but if you forget to download a skype update before talking to your family when you scheduled a meeting ahead of time, is that proof that you're completely mentally unstable or is it just a normal mistake to make sometimes...
#I wish I was kidding but like#I would actually appreciate an honest answer to this....#like idk my dad makes me feel like I'm fucking crazy like that's a normal mistake to make right?#this wasn't an important meeting or anything either it was literally just to chat about video games and stuff like that#like I genuinely don't know if it's proof that I desperately need to be on meds then fine but I just#I don't know don't neurotypical people make mistakes sometimes too?????#god getting diagnosed with ADHD as a child just means that my dad sees every little mistake I make as a sign that I'm mentally incapable#of taking care of myself#and then he tells me I can't tell how bad the mistakes I make are because I'm so mentally ill and I just don't know if I should believe him#or not#I don't know I really just don't know....
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Are you FUCKING kidding me
I am 26 hours into the game. Twenty. Six. And i *just* got access to the fishing village.
#apparently I'm a complesionist then? idk i just have such severe fomo i can't deny side quests unless they're really *really* stupid#(looking at you ghost bugs. no way I'm doung allat)#disco elysium#I've also seen a lot of minor spoilers that are really *really* alluring and i *need* to see what they're all about#(most of them have to do with kim but i digress)#(apparently you can dance with him?? fuck yeah- i need that. there's also the iconic line “I'M SO FUCKING NORMAL RIGHT NOW” which ive yet to#encounter in the wild)
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.
#idk if it's because i've given autism a very in depth look now or if i just always been like this and never really thought about it#but i'm finding it harder and harder to match my feelings to what i guess i'm supposed to feel?#like when something sad happens and i have no reaction to it#it's not that i'm not sad or that i'm glad it's happening but i just have no feelings?#which in turn bring put feelings of guilt because i'm not sad or worried enough...#it's such a weird experience and i'm of course not saying that autistic people have no feelings#that's so not what i'm saying#but it is a trait of autism to have difficulty pinpointing what you feel and also difficulty expressing it in ways other people usually doit#so perhaps it is because i've learned about that that I'm accepting that maybe i just don't feel things ''the normal way''#but i'm having a weird one tonight because my mom had to leave because of an emergency with my grandma#and it's 1am right now#and i am worried. of course i am. I don't want my grandma to suffer (although i have accepted she's not gonna live much longer)#but i still don't want her to die obviously#and most importantly I don't want my mom to have to go through that... to see her mother die? that's horrible#i'm obviously sad and worried#yet i'm sitting here drinking coffee and laughing at funny videos like nothing's happening#and i feel fine... like as if my mom was just sleeping at home like every night and not at a hospital visiting her dying mother...#and i know that years back i would have gone ''what the fuck is wrong with me?!'' and perhaps maybe forced myself to feel worse#or to cry or whatever because I can't be chill when something bad is happening...#and maybe i'll feel that way when my mom is back because I can't be calm and happy is she's sad#that would be rubbing it in her face#so maybe i'll feel more guilty then?#idk it's a weird feeling that i wanted to put into words#mostly for when it happens again i'll have a record of it somewhere#idk#angel talks#personal
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