#idk this can't be normal right??
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PV thinks he's part of the team....
Reference because this was insanely funny to me. GET SENT TO THE MINES, IDIOTS!!!
#rassfanart#fanart#crk#cookie run kingdom#pure vanilla cookie#shadow milk cookie#candy apple cookie#black sapphire cookie#deceit trio#I LOOOVE DOING SILLY LITTLE DOODLES LATE IN THE NIGHT BECAUSE I CAN'T ART AT NORMAL TIMES#Whatever I had a Vision and I wanted to draw them again because these 4 together can be so entertaining#Still figuring out how to draw Candy Apple and Black Sapphire... I'll get there eventually LMAO#This counts as Shadowvanilla right- idk I'll tag it anyway#Shadowvanilla
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Final manifestations for Book 7?
I'm trying REALLY hard not to build up any solid expectations, because I wanna go in ~fresh~! they're already so far away from anything I thought would happen (not in a bad way, I'm just accepting that I'm on Miss Yana's Wild Ride at this point and we're seeing this thing through 'til the end, by gum). so it's nothing too major, but:
they've been handing new crying expressions out like candy lately, I want to see some delicious Malleus tears.
honestly I want everyone to cry buckets. their tears sustain me. the more Silver angst specifically I get the happier I am.
SILVER!!!! 👏 VANROUGE!!!! 👏
just let him have this. the poor boy's been through so much. let him have his big "I'm proud of you, son" moment with Lilia.
I'm 100% expecting Grim's arc (and probably whatever's going on with Crowley) to be its own episode, but a nice hook to leave us hanging on would be good!
a nice hook though, please, I don't think I can take another "Grim is attacking us! now wait eight months to find out what happens :)" cliffhanger...
some Meleanor? as a treat? just a little bit, a tiny quick flashback or something, please Twst I just, I just want to see her again. let her have a little ghost cameo like Dawnathan Knight got. Lilia and his kids are all having their big group hug or whatever and she can gently fade in to be all like
(turning asks off until I'm done playing, SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE Y'ALL)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 13 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 13 spoilers#one last chance for me to be wrong about everything!#(no it's good i am enjoying it SO much) (just stomping right down on all of my personal like buttons with its whole weight)#(it's just also VERY good at totally subverting all of my expectations)#i don't think we're actually gonna get a permanently dehorned malleus though#just because it feels like an insane thing to remove the most iconic part of one of the most iconic characters of the game#but i could see like...a temporary thing ala raisin vil#or a permanent smaller change like cracks/chips or something (kintsugi horns would be super cool actually)#but i do think it's more likely we'll find some way to keep the status quo re:horn design#if this was the END-end of all of twst then maybe but they still wanna sell merch of this guy so they can't change his design TOO much#i am sorta wondering if he might get a bit of a power nerf though? take him down from ridiculously overpowered to just normal overpowered#idk they made a point of saying the horns were specifically what caused the weather stuff#and the weather stuff has been called out in particular as one of the reasons why mal being so stupidly magical makes him pretty unhappy#everyone's scared of him all the time and he has to actively try not to accidentally kill people when he gets upset#so. idk. maybe it was just a little worldbuilding. but i thought it was interesting they brought that up was all!#me: i'm not going to form any expectations (writes a whole thing speculating on the fate of malleus' horns)#look it's now or never okay#that end of episode rhythmic better be SO cute because i'm already losing my entire head over this
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Gordon/Barney/Alyx is really really funny to me conceptually bc it's like, two hot geniuses in their 20s who look at the 40-something smartass who hangs around and go 'yeah that guy. we both want him carnally'
#and they're SO right#half life#half life 2#gordon freeman#alyx vance#barney calhoun#freemance#valhoun#freehounce#idk what the hell their poly ship name is sorry lol#(me. posting about a ship with an age gap on the 'can't be normal about age gap ships' website:#SURE HOPE THERE ISN'T ANY AGE GAP DISCOURSE IN HERE)#this was the first time I've drawn any of these characters in LITERAL YEARS and. wow........#feels so crazy that this was the fandom that got me to join tumblr in the first place (in 2011!!!!) and I used to draw them ALL THE TIME#interests change I guess#but I think I'll always come back to hl and portal occasionally. they're too much a part of my dna at this point LOL#my art#description in alt text#oh my god I just went back through my half life tag and the last time I drew these three was when I drew that freehounce meme LMAOOO#how serendipitious
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So talking about amanda and angela wanting to kiss with tongue is normal but us saying damien and angela are looking at each other more fondly recently and thinking it's sweet is weird and we're freaks.... interesting.. it's almost like shipping real people isn't actually the problem 🧐🤔
#smoshtwt#smosh discourse#smosh negative#deciding to start keeping these out of the main tags so people don't get too annoyed#amanda and angela#damien and angela#my post#edit: I said I'm gonna keep this out of the main tags but people are being weird about people shipping damangela again#so I'm gonna put the main tags to expose the hypocrisy#smosh#amangela#damangela#please tell me. how is talking about how amanda and angela want to make out different than what damangela fans do?#if anything it's worse#I can't recall anyone saying damien and angela want to make out but you can say that about amanda and angela and it's normal and fine?#yeah right#yes I know it's a joke but I'm pretty sure any romantic thing said about damien and angela is ALSO a joke#(at least for me idk about everyone else)#I know I'm being aggressive at this point but it's just getting annoying#I just hate how everyone else can openly and proudly ship things and it's fine but when we do the EXACT. SAME. THING we're the bad guys
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i want to write jason & natalia but head so scattered.....
#its not anything grand really#just a fic of them sitting & chatting on a rooftop. there's a breeze carrying a faint spray of rainwater after a thunderstorm has died down#they're watching the moon#natalia tucks one of jays curls behind his ear & cups his face & tells him she missed him#tells him shes glad he is alive#& jay can do nothing but blink back tears because when has anyone ever said that?#that theyre glad hes back? [except talia ofc]#he gets to hide his face in someone's neck like he's fifteen again & can be held#he gets to be loved again#fuuuuck dude talia mention just gave me the vision of writing jason introducing talia & natalia#im not sayin theyre besties but the three of them could definitely go out for some fancy dining & exchange notes on wine & how fucking#stupid bruce is 💗#truly believe they wouldnt want to discuss bruce at first but when they do natalia helps talia take that final step of letting her misplace#affection for him go. SAID AS A BRUTALIA SHIPPER BTW#idk i just think them being bittersweet divorcees is The Flavour but talia loves fiercely & deeply & will def need a hot second to truly le#go of the idea of being with him. shes extremely logical & ruthless ofc & will NAWT gaf abt some guy who doesnt treat her right#i KNOW but you must understand. they were deeply fond of each other. bruce however has the problem of wanting to fuck gotham fr#whereas talia is normal to an extent. so. yea she does take her time & looking at all the shit that jason went thru at his hands + nat's#support would be the last straw methinks. i don't think theyre capable of hating each other fully ever but.#she finally lets go.#wait where was i. JASON NATALIA & TALIA TRIO. RIGHT. ugh guysssss what do i doooo#i have a zine fic to complete but also that jay leaves the bats wip is haunting me + That One dick & jay fic that has me by the throat#& now this.#theres several other wips ofc but these are in the forefront of my mind.#feel like i should give up on all of these & resort to being an aftg girlie exclusively. i have had jean & neil thoughts for YEARS#the vindication i felt when the new trilogy explored their dynamic??? ethereal. unmatchedddd.#or i should just. stop writing 🙂↕️#can't be haunted by visions you don't even plan on bringing to fruition thumbs up emoji. thats a good plan#veering off into intrusive thoughts territory lolololololol
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i swear my stepdad is so illogical AND stubborn it hurts
#okay so strap in coz this is a wild ride#tl;dr we have been without heat and warm water for years and i mean literal years#because he refuses to pay off some debt he built up with the company#because he feels unfairly treated (let's not get into this. it absolutely makes no sense) by the company#so instead of doing the logical step of growing some balls and admitting he made a mistake and paying off his shit#he's been looking for a new supplier all over but the deal IS#that he's been doing this with a couple of places before and people are hesitant to even make him any offers#and you'd think that learning about THAT at least now he'd be like. idk willing to just pay off his debt and be done with it#but you'd be WRONG#now he's looking to just have our entire heating system replaced for the teeny tiny price of 25000 bucks#mind you his debt isn't even a THIRD of that#and obviously he can't afford those 25000 bucks#so what's his next step now you might wonder?#well good thing you asked. his next step is going off on ME for not paying towards the new heating he wants#and now that that's not working for him guess what he did next?#that's right. he bought shit expensive 'space heaters' that are pretty much just small little boxes that you plug into an outlet#and he swears up and down that they're going to heat up our house (it's negative degrees outside)#(it's obviously not working)#and genuinely. all i can think of is how much money he shoved into trying to macgyver this house into a house with warm water and heating#and how he blew off ten thousands of bucks he got paid when he retired within the span of two weeks#when this debt could have been paid off ten times over by now#so now you might be thinking. okay tiago. why don't you move out#good question you see. my mom is disabled and reliant on someone who cares for her#something that he can't won't and shouldn't do because the last time he sorta kinda tried she almost died and we had to call an ambulance#she wouldn't eat a thing if i weren't there to cook. the house would fall into disrepair if i wouldn't do maintenance all around#i've set up (functioning) heat in some areas she occupies and i've gotten a boiler going so she at least has warm water#i'm paying off their bills to make sure he doesn't skip on paying any others. i'm buying groceries for them because again they wouldn't get#any for themselves#and finally. i've offered to pay off his debt so that we can finally live like normal fucking people do#and guess what. guess WHAT. he just got mad at me for not adding money to that 25000 bucks pool for that new fancy heating he wants
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[ID in alt text]
Another wip! It's kind of almost done :)
#sha gojyo#saiyuki#wip#gotta tag talk for a sec -#idk if it's weird or inappropriate considering the smiley mood of the wip but I just kinda need to#cw: death I guess#life's so so bizar right now - just. incomprehensible in a way#I don't know how to describe what's going on in my head#with my dad being on his death bed#on one hand it's all consuming and on the other. like. life is still happening? I worked today. did work things#I'm working on this light-hearted little comic and it feels almost rude to keep drawing it#like whatever I make should be sad or angry or whatever#or not at all#but this is still what I wanna draw#I keep thinking about fucking Inktober bc it's something that brings me joy normally#but I will absolutely not be able to do it and it's so so so unimportant in the grand scheme of things#I have sketches that I like so idk they'll get finished eventually#got a message about a commission I would love to do but the deadline is in around December#and I just can't know if I'll even be able to do#it's just impossible to imagine my dad pretty much definitely not being here in two months#let alone what life will be like and what *I'll* be like#it's so weird#danikunst#fanart#described#1
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froakie must've felt so satisfied for achieving success by choosing ash after so many failed attempts with other trainers
the mere fact that he finally found that "love" he always wanted must've already been such a big milestone for him in life.
-🦋
In a way I really did enjoy how they mixed things up with Ash's obligatory 'tough' Starter this time, especially as most of them were abandoned by their Trainers (Charizard, Infernape, Pignite) or just didn't have any contact with people before (Sceptile). But instead Froakie wanted to find a Trainer and has picked them out himself, reversing the way the relationship usually starts out, and being a great foil with the other Starters/Pokemon as well.
The fact that Froakie has been searching for a while before Ash is something that I've always thought about, myself. He's left at least 8 people considering the shadows? And the way that Olympia said that humans taught it that in order to be stronger he needed a bond (but through feelings, not words), the way he wanted a lot from his Trainer, that he was searching for someone that was worth risking everything for, looking for 'love' - to me, it is an all-encompassing feeling that he's been searching for. Love so much that you would do anything for Pokemon like he would do anything for you. Give and take. Froakie did not expect a relationship where he had to carry out everything that the Trainer wanted without question - he wanted a relationship where his opinions and thoughts mattered just as much, to deal with the potential he always felt inside of him. And it is a lot, to balance a relationship in that manner. A lot of new Trainers would not even realise that is an option, and that's what initially threw him off.
Froakie is very persistant, it's true, but he can also be impatient at times. Would he have bothered to stay by Sycamore's lab any longer, considering how he was up and around Lumiose watching Ash? Would he still stick by his resolve to find the perfect Trainer, no matter the failures he had recieved? I don't think he would lower his standard, but at some point, he probably did wonder if there was someone out there who held the love that he wanted. When he first laid eyes on Ash, noticing how Pikachu was and their shared interest in battle, it piqued his interest. But it was the way they faced down Team Rocket despite being overpowered, Ash helping Pikachu even though he couldn't stand up to their might, that's when Froakie saw what he wanted.
To him, I think that feeling of love felt like the static shock he felt when being hit by that Electro Ball being reflected by Wobbuffet. Twice as strong, utterly paralyzing, weakening him completely. But also-- the feeling of two hands around him, and a voice calling out to him, and the wind as he was rushed into care. Love was knowing that someone had your back and will support you, even when the odds were impossible. And considering how much they'll go through, I don't think Greninja regretted a thing.
#going to answer this one first bc it's similar to the one you already sent me (in which i was going to answer today anyways)#hmm could i say that bayleef barely had contact with ppl?? idk lol#also not to take away from snivy who did run away from a trainer and fend off others. but she didn't really strive for one#like how froakie did. she was content in being free if that meant having a good life#i love how like cyndaquil and oshawott (and maybe turtwig??) have like no trauma or emo phase heh. so normal#i think i said it before but the early eps really do show froakie's mindset so well ngl#because he also realises that he has to put effort into the relationship. he can't just brush ash off#or do what he wants without telling him. it's a balancing act#and then even more so when having to adapt to other team members (e.g. hawlu)#that the love is not split between others but is instead magnified as well#you become stronger with others not by alienating them#basically him having to put that love out just as much as he gets it#but yeah i do feel like he let out a sigh of relief on that healing bed after coming conscious. it was a promising sign#and the garchomp incident just further solidifyed the fact for him. that this is the one and he would be a fool to let him go#diancie delivers#btw i've seen around fandom that all of his old trainers were bad/abusive and idk but it never explicitly said that in canon??#they were just not compatible. it was even said that as new trainers not everything goes right or as you expect#they're just kids that got a self-governed frog out of all the starters and had a hard time#not through any real fault of their own. and i don't think froakie hated them just wished that they were more ig#i mean there's always the one but not all of them?????
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Rudolf’s aunt, Archduchess Maria Theresia, also was the object of his infatuation. She was one of the six famously beautiful Braganza sisters and married to Archduke Karl Ludwig, who was 22 years her elder. She was the stepmother of Archduke Franz Ferdinand and Otto. Rudolf’s sister Gisela, already married in Munich, was the person to whom he confided his admiration for her. Feeling sorry for her beautiful aunt, she lamented with her brother, “What you are writing about Maria Theresia is really sad. One can conclude from this that she can not be happy. It’s too bad to be married to such an old man when one is still so young.” The “old man,” however, who was second in line as heir to the throne after the Crown Prince, was very jealous. Rudolf’s infatuation and his sympathy for the beautiful young archduchess can hardly have improved his already tense relationship with his uncle, who was known for his “clericalism.”
Hamann, Brigitte (2017). Rudolf. Crown Prince and Rebel (translation by Edith Borchardt)
[Pictured, left: Maria Teresa of Braganza, Archduchess of Austria, circa 1870s. Right: Crown Prince Rudolf of Austria, 1876. Via Wikimedia Commons]
#ngl this part in hamann's biography annoys me because she refuses to elaborate. did he explicitly told gisela he liked maria teresa?#bc the letter she quotes just seems to allude to rudolf being sad about a 17 years old marrying a 40 years old widower with four children#which is. a normal feeling to express? it can't just be that what made hamann believe he had a crush right??#later on she even claims that rudolf's type were women who resembled maria teresa - idk maybe he just liked brunettes?#maria teresa of braganza archduchess of austria#crown prince rudolf of austria#gisela of austria princess of bavaria#historian: brigitte hamman
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Okay so I recently, finally, watched Wish and I have some thoughts. Overall, not as bad as everyone makes it out to be, but still has a lot of fundamental story problems and I've got to get them off of my chest. I'll mostly be focused on Magnifico because I think his motivations and arc largely represent the problem with the overall theme.
Okay so my biggest problem with Magnifico is his motivation. His tragic backstory. How on earth does he go from losing his whole family to thinking, the only way he can prevent that from happening again is to grant wishes? The logic doesn't track. It almost makes sense in his creating a kingdom where he protects everyone and "doesn't even charge rent," but it does not make sense with his wish granting. Having a great need to be control to make sure he doesn't lose anyone ever again can be a compelling motivation for a villain, where we see lines crossed that don't justify the intent, but in the movie, he's too self-absorbed to seem to have any actual care for the people of Rosas.
I think if the motivation was changed to something like Magnifico had once been a bright-eyed, enthusiastic wish granter who blindly believed all wishes were good but learned the hard way that that wasn't true could have been a better fit for the overall goal of the movie. Imagine that he granted a wish for a wicked person who used that wish to hurt others, or if Magnifico granted a wish but that wish ended up ruining the person's life because what they wanted wasn't what they needed (i.e. Remember The Princess and the Frog? Dig a little deeper) and that person could have went after Magnifico and blamed him for their troubles (harkening back to We Don't Talk about Bruno). This would be an understandable tragic backstory for Magnifico, and better explain why he's so careful about the wishes he grants. And, perhaps the reason he keeps the wishes he doesn't want to grant is to keep the people in his kingdom docile. No one will be angry with him for not granting their wishes if he makes them forget them and lose that drive and motivation, which makes more sense than the unexplained hording them like he does in the movie? Why does he keep them in the movie other than admiring the wishes? It doesn't make sense to me.
This would give Asha more of a reason to oppose him, if it's shown how his desire to not get hurt or to inadvertently cause hurt turned into a paranoia where he drains people of wishes to fly or play music that inspires others. And, as a side note, we need to see more of how Rosas is a kingdom of people who lack drive and motivation, where only those younger than 18 have that special part of them that inspires them to chase after a dream (something that Astor Rhymemaster touched on). Because that's the point of wishes, right? That's the point of the entire Disney canon. A dream is a wish your heart makes. That star can only get you so far, it takes hard work and determination. It's wanting something better in life, it's dreaming of leaving behind all you know to chase after a tangible light. It's finding a new dream, it's finding a new wish as you grow and learn about yourself and the world.
I don't think the movie Wish understood what makes wishes so important in Disney stories. You know what wishes do? They ignite change. It's not about getting what you want, it's about finding the courage to chase after something better. Ariel wants to be where the people are, but really she wants to be somewhere where others are willing to understand her and in the end, she finds that and makes amends with her father, who finally is willing to see her for who she is. Rapunzel wants to see the lights, and that desire pushes her to leave a tower she's been trapped in her whole life, learning that the world is not as cruel and cold as her abusive mother told her. Cinderella wants to go to the ball, to dance with people who treat her as a person and not a servant of cinders and ash. That wish is granted by a fairy godmother and gives her a hope that is worth fighting for, a hope that helps her reclaim what is rightfully hers; a glass slipper that fits only her and the love that comes with it.
Wishes inspire change. The movie should have been about that. Magnifico could have been right, that some wishes inspire negative change that can drag down multiple people. The kingdom of Rosas could have been so placid because change is scary. Maybe Magnifico could have convinced people, after taking their wish, that it wasn't worth it. Maybe the wish ceremonies could have changed so it wasn't portrayed as some sort of lottery everyone looks forward to, but Magnifico would grant wishes on the spot if he decided they were good and worthwhile, and he would lock away the wishes that would cause trouble and tribulations. 18 year olds could be enthusiastic to give him their wishes, thinking they were surely good and worth granting, only to forget their wish and be told that their wish would have only brought about their unhappiness, this would have justified a more solemn tone in the kingdom, setting up a world where people are mostly downtrodden, thinking their wishes are bad and pointless and they're better off without them. Imagine Cinderella or Rapunzel being told their wishes weren't good, reinforcing all the things their abusive families tell them, taking away that hope and courage to find something better for themselves.
Here's where the true conflict could come in. Asha could be onto this from the beginning, and her opening song could have been about this concern that the people who didn't get their wishes granted aren't willing to try at all. (Because, after all, why doesn't Sabino play music at all? Having that taken from him would take so much joy and creative expression from his life!) But why does Asha know something is amiss?
Simon.
Imagine that Magnifico has a strict rule not to ever share your wish with another person because then it wouldn't come true. It makes sense with our own superstitions, and then makes it so that no one knows anyone else's wishes. Maybe your best friend changes so drastically after giving up their wish, but you believe, like everyone else, that their wish would have only caused suffering. What can you do about it? Well what if Simon told Asha about his wish? What if Asha knew his wish wasn't dangerous and couldn't imagine a way that it could go wrong? That would give her a reason to doubt Magnifico and put more emphasis on how Simon has lost his drive like all the other adults in the kingdom. And it can also emphasize in the end that sharing your wishes and dreams with others can be a powerful thing. Just the act of sharing your dreams can inspire others to go after their own, and they can give you the encouragement to chase your wish too. Wishes inspire change, love gives you the courage to make it happen.
Imagine if the star boy used to be a human, who wished to help others and lost his humanity to do it. Imagine his wish confirms Magnifico's belief, that wishes cause suffering because star boy lost his tether to earth and is separated from the people he loves. Imagine how he foils Asha who also wants to grant everyone's wishes. Imagine him ensuring she doesn't make the same mistake he did while she gives him a reason to change again, to anchor himself to humanity again because he loves her enough not to leave for forever.
Imagine the movie confirming that, yes, change is scary. Chasing your dreams won't always make things better. You might fail more than you succeed and some wishes cannot coincide with each other, leading to grief and strife. But some wishes are worth it. Sometimes, chasing after something better and failing is worth leaving a worse situation. Sometimes taking that chance is worth it, and, like in all fairy tales, if you are kind and generous and act with love, that will make all the difference in the end.
Also, I know everyone wished for a Magnifico and Amaya evil power couple, but imagine if Magnifico was truly in love with Amaya, as he is in the movie, but that love is eventually his undoing. Like Amaya leaps in front of Asha, and Magnifico stops or redirects his attack because she's the one thing he loves more than himself and that is the weakness that Asha and co can take advantage of. Imagine Amaya keeping Magnifico in the mirror and he gets to dote on her from his imprisonment for forever. I'm just saying. At least 30 sickos like me would be into that. Imagine the depth it would give to the themes of love and change and wishing and how acts of love make all the difference.
Alright, I'll get off my soap box. I just really wish Wish could have been stronger because these fairy tales Disney is famous for matter. They really do. But the movie feels too stale and shallow and too much of a cash grab that knows the outline of a disney musical, but is unable to understand the heart of why they work.
#rose and rambles#wish 2023#disney#disney wish#if you read anything i post let it be this im shaking the bars of my cage#I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT FAIRY TALES AND DREAMS LET ME AT THE PEOPLE WHO MADE WISH SO SHALLOW#ILL MAKE THEM TEA AND GIVE THEM A GOOD SCOLDING#WHILE STEALING THEIR CLOTHES AND PUTTING ON A FAKE MUSTACHE TO TAKE OVER WHILE THEY'RE NIBBLING ON NICE COOKIES#THAT'S A TOTALLY NORMAL THING TO DO RIGHT#if you want to tell a good story you gotta tell it yourself <- my villain origin story#or at least my Sebastian kiss the girl moment. i can't believe they took out star boy. God forbid independent women have romantic interests#anyway im obsessed with how Magnifico always called Amaya “my love” and i think we can do beautiful and twisted things with that#Also i kind of hate the whole 'oh there's no saving him from this evil magic corruption' like le please that's the most stupid thing to eve#be in a fairy tale#just proves these people didn't actually read the snow queen#also also go watch Astor Rhymemaster she's a genius and explains songs IN SUCH AN IN DEPTH WAY#i haven't interacted with much other wish stuff so idk how others are rewriting it but this my ideal
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ur regular reminder that uccio groups casey (retired well over three years ago by this point) in the same category as marc and vinales of 'guys who had valentino's poster on their wall'
#can't reblog the last time i posted this since i reblog locked that too lol#idk this just has such annoying note potential. i've been getting nice low numbers recently but with some stuff... why risk it#idk man!! gets 2 me. one rival after the next to be kinda weird about valentino (jorge not a 'fan' per se but obviously beyond weird)#casey prematurely jaded little hot head who also put valentino's name on his championship winning shirt... terrible#the thing is. right. valentino probably did the right thing in 2007 in creating a little distance#can you imagine how awful laguna 2008 would've been if he hadn't done that? it was already bad enough as it is from casey's pov#but the thing about laguna 2008 is that like... morally you can question it but from an actual competitive standpoint? perfection#casey is the rival who talks about valentino's mind games the most but ironically the ones aimed at him were really the most rational#valentino's crimes against casey are all things considered RELATIVELY fine. it's just that for casey they were. horrendous#and it's always the fan thing... what do u do about that#//#brr brr#//ht#beyond competitive circumstance and personality i really do think there's something to the idea that the dani relationship#was the most normal vale/alien relationship partly b/c dani already knew valentino longer and didn't become quite so weird about him#like when you think about the amount of baggage three of those rivalries started with...#arguably the one most normal about valentino did pseudoscience to try and copy valentino's charisma. this is what we're dealing with#//brr brr
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is this a safe space
#personal#i think. romances in video games are getting out of hand. sorry#this website cannot be normal about it ever in any video game in like seven billion different ways#to take bee gee three as example the only thing i heard about it for the longest time was just. romance related stuff#nothing about the gameplay. or what the story was about or whatever. and it's like#i feel like i play games for vastly different reasons sometimes LMAO and like that's fine. everyone can play it however they want#but with the way everything just keeps circling back to romances all the time and the weirdass discussions around it. idk!#could just be a me problem though idk. but i AM right about this website not ever being normal about romances in video games#you can't get my ass for that. gestures at like 3 different big fandoms from the top of my head
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I'm realizing I barely make any edits/shit posts for other people like I used to. there was a point where I was making shit for people unprompted at least several times a week and now I can't even remember the last thing I made specifically for anyone else. it kinda makes me sad but also I don't think anyone really cared at all about my stupid little edits in the first place and also it was just starting to suck for me. I can give and give and give and spontaneously want to make things for other people, for their fics or just silly discord messages, because they inspired me
and then none of my effort is reciprocated. my folder for stuff I've made for other people has like 60 pics (and I recently deleted a lot of the large files from the foldee to free up space on my phone, it had a lot more) and there's only 9 pics people have made for me. I don't want to sound ungrateful or entitled but I've really just lost the urge to make stuff for other people when I know it's always going to be a one-sided thing. I don't think anyone's ever made anything for me unprompted really, 95% sure everything in my stuff from friends folder was requested or for my birthday or one of my previous mental breakdowns, not any random out of the blue "I loved your fic/concept and wanted to make something" like I've done for other people on so many occasions
so it's like yeah I'm tired and having a selfish arc all I want to do is make stuff for my own fics and AU's because the only person who gets inspiration from them is me and I just gotta accept that and appreciate that at least I can make cool self indulgent stuff for myself. like sorry but I don't care how much I love your fic I'm not spending hours making a cool edit to show my appreciation when what will happen when I post the edit is a million people reblog it also praising your fic and it'll get more attention than any of my fic posts. if I'm not going to get similar energy from you I don't want to spend my time and effort. like at this point I can only see myself making an edit for a fic I like by an author who consistently comments on my fics too. I don't want anything straight up transactional (like a deal that I'll make something for X comments or whatever) but I just don't want to spend hours doing things for people that don't care and wouldn't spend any amount of their own time on anything for me, I need to feel like you care about me at least a little
so I'm just going to focus on edits for my fics because I'm the only one who will ever care enough to make things. it could definitely be worse, I can't draw for shit but at least I came to the RE fandom with many years of gimp and picsart experience from doing RP promo edits so I can make SOMETHING visual to go with my fics. I'd probably actually lose my mind if I didn't have that going for me
#not helping the matter is someone who i made a Lot of things for and would consult me for dsc lore stuff randomly unfollowed me one day#ive said i would do detailed looks at krauser and re4 leon like i did for oj leon but honestly idk if im even going to unless i get out of#this stupid selfish spiral bc each of them are going to take me h o u r s to do especially re4 leon and it's like. i don't feel like it. i#don't want to. im normally eager to help ppl but im Tired#like idk if it's ACTUALLY useful and ppl ACTUALLY appreciate it since that person said all those things right up until they randomly#unfollowed so it's like ok im going to devote so much time to this and ppl will thank me and i'll be happy for a day and then everyone will#move on and even if it continues to be useful i'll never know after the notes drop off#im going to sleep med and hope i wake up feeling less selfish and wanting to at least do the stuff ive already said i would#shit wait i also said i'd update the fic today i should do that before sleeping#i will delete this tomorrow if i remember to since it feels whiny and entitled i just want to scream into the void i don't expect or want#anyone to see this and feel bad i don't want temporary pity attention#what i want can't be forced it has to happen organically. no one can force themselves to find my stuff inspiring it happens or it doesn't#all i can do is just accept it and try to fill the void w my own edits#my feelings get so contradictory. sometimes i desperately want to be useful and then sometimes i end up feeling like a resource and#resentful of that. i guess it's like in an ideal world my writing would be my primary source of interaction and engagement and i'd get asks#abt my fics and au's but that doesn't happen so i try to settle for being an authority and getting asks and dms abt lore/game texture stuff#and it kinda sort of feels nice but doesn't quite fill the void#i guess it just makes it feel like everything is so conditional. if i stop being useful and a resource no one in the re fandom will ever#reach out to me again. i also fully expect that all my re mutuals will unfollow me if i get into another fandom. ive got nonfandom mutuals#that are ride or die but ive had re mutuals i really thought were ride or die randomly unfollow so like. hard to trust anyone else#feels like im always one tiny misstep away from someone in the fandom disowning me#and my only hope to have anyone who wants to talk to me is continue to be useful#i am not an interesting person worth knowing on a personal level and talking to. im a resource to be asked when you need something from me#and forgotten about and ignored the rest of the time#the vast majority of my dms both on tumblr and discord are ppl wanting stuff from me. i can think of one time someone dmed me complimenting#one of my fics. the rest is needing my help so it feels like that's it. that's what i am to ppl. and idk that it's even possible to escape#this feeling bc if ppl reach out more my cynical aside will assume selfish motives. oh better throw heather a bone once in a while and chec#in or compliment a fic bc i don't want her to crash out and break down and stop helping me with lore and references for fic/art
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this might sound a little crazy but if you forget to download a skype update before talking to your family when you scheduled a meeting ahead of time, is that proof that you're completely mentally unstable or is it just a normal mistake to make sometimes...
#I wish I was kidding but like#I would actually appreciate an honest answer to this....#like idk my dad makes me feel like I'm fucking crazy like that's a normal mistake to make right?#this wasn't an important meeting or anything either it was literally just to chat about video games and stuff like that#like I genuinely don't know if it's proof that I desperately need to be on meds then fine but I just#I don't know don't neurotypical people make mistakes sometimes too?????#god getting diagnosed with ADHD as a child just means that my dad sees every little mistake I make as a sign that I'm mentally incapable#of taking care of myself#and then he tells me I can't tell how bad the mistakes I make are because I'm so mentally ill and I just don't know if I should believe him#or not#I don't know I really just don't know....
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Are you FUCKING kidding me

I am 26 hours into the game. Twenty. Six. And i *just* got access to the fishing village.
#apparently I'm a complesionist then? idk i just have such severe fomo i can't deny side quests unless they're really *really* stupid#(looking at you ghost bugs. no way I'm doung allat)#disco elysium#I've also seen a lot of minor spoilers that are really *really* alluring and i *need* to see what they're all about#(most of them have to do with kim but i digress)#(apparently you can dance with him?? fuck yeah- i need that. there's also the iconic line “I'M SO FUCKING NORMAL RIGHT NOW” which ive yet to#encounter in the wild)
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😓
#i'm having the worst day#i won't even get into it it's too embarassing and i've never been more disapointed in myself than now#if this won't work because of what i did or didn't do don't know how i'm ever gonna forgive myself or be happy in these next few months#anxiety is through the roof#i wish sm this can be fixed like one of the things i looked forward the most the last few months might fall apart#once in a lifetime opportunity or almost ... if it won't happen bc of me idk how i'm gonna live with myself#i'm so mad at myself i can't believe and idk how to cope with this#hopefully next week things will clear themselves up but now i still need to study for exams but i feel like i can't#bc how does it even matter compared i feel horrible#and everything anoys me sm i can't enjoy anything rn#and like this girl sharing the bathroom in the student home with me is so messy it's getting on my nerves but it's also just my mood#like i cleaned the sink only last week and she left a proper mess why can't she even clean up the toothpaste#like i'm not the cleanest person either but please it makes cleaning up so pointless if it doesn't stay clean at least for a bit#normally i wouldn't get worked up over this like it isn't new it's just this day and ik i should talk to her#but i can't deal with anyone rn i just wanna hide the way i feel rn#and i should text my bf back after i suggested meeting him before this happened but i'm in no mood rn#and i have just been horrible lately towards other people in the last weeks having no time for no one and especially towards him#and like i should do a better job communicating but i feel like he wouldn't get it but i still should do better#and it's also that i'm not sure if he's right for me anymore like we have so little in common i feel like sometimes he doesn't get me#but then he's also so sweet and i think part of me loves him still and i don't want it to end either#but he also deserves better than this than how i act and like i feel so bad#well it is more complex than that tbh i need relationship advice but i also can't even think abt it rn#because this other issue is consuming my mind rn and i feel so overhelmed#i can't deal with anything rn#rant#just needed to get that out#oh and i forgot to mention the most embarassing part of the bf situation#yeah like his personality is great but i also just really like him for his looks and how i'd miss kissing him bc it's great#and i feel like objectifying him or idkk#i just want to go to sleep and cry but i'm not even able to cry
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