#idk they are normal ur normal if they are bigoted well.. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

skin-slave · 3 years ago

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Grooming is when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them.

Grooming Can Look Like:

1. "Is that your real name? I don't really like to call people by their usernames."

Asking for personal information right away - It gives a false sense of intimacy and can be used later to threaten or blackmail.

2. "I see you like Band. My parents hate them. 😂 Do your parents know your music tastes?"

Segueing quickly into private life, sometimes asking invasive questions about home, friends, family, etc - It tells them whether or not a person is isolated, unhappy, self-destructive, unsupervised, etc. The more vulnerable a person is, the more successful grooming can be.

3. "I like your fan art. Do you do nsfw? Nothing crazy, just flirty..."

Bringing up sexuality or other adult subjects in a general way - It pushes the person's boundaries gently, getting them to talk about nsfw things in a way that feels nonthreatening.

4. "That post made a good point. I would never guess you're 14. You're really mature and well-spoken."

Describing the person as mature, smart, wise, resourceful, street-smart, etc - It's flattering, and it gives the illusion of equality and respect in their interactions.

5. "People hate what they don't understand. You're just so unique. I get it."

Reinforcing that the person is unique, misunderstood, above others, etc - It increases isolation and forms a sense of dependance on the groomer.

6. "Omg look at this guy's outfit! It's so hot! You know, you could totally rock something like this!"

Sexualizing the person in flattering ways - It feels like a compliment and edges farther past typical boundaries, normalizing more and more sexual interactions.

7. "That guy was out of line. 😤 I couldn't help it, I messaged him and told him if he doesn't leave you alone I'll doxx him. He won't be back. He knows I'll do it. Please don't be mad, I just hate when people mess with my friends... "

Defending the person, often inappropriately - It's a show of devotion to the person, a display of the potential for aggression that serves to nudge boundaries, and can be used to threaten or coerce later.

8. "I'm totally with you on Ship X. It's so bigoted to break up Ship Y like that. We ought to try to get those freaks banned."

Creating an other to unify against, often inappropriately - It creates a sense of intimacy and serves as a way to push boundaries by encouraging inappropriate behavior.

9. "Idk why you let her waste ur time. U don't need phoneys like that. You have me!!! 😂"

Discouraging competing relationships - It increases isolation, vulnerability and dependence.

10. "Listen, don't worry about your phone bill. I got it. Sent it thru your Kofi, plus a little extra. You deserve it."

Giving gifts, money, or paying bills - It creates a sense of intimacy, and possibly financial dependence. And it can be used as a source of guilt.

11. "Where are you??? Tell whoever you're with that I miss my bff!!!!!"

Checking in, keeping tabs, tracking or asking for updates - It diverts the person's attention onto the groomer, interrupts their social life to further isolate, and creates a pattern of guilt and responsibility for the groomer's feelings.

12. "I can't believe you'd abandon me like this. You know I have depression. Are you trying to make me suicidal? The least you could do is give me a couple weeks to find a new therapist. I'm gonna need one now."

Threatening to harm themselves, or implying that they might if contact ends - It plays on that sense of guilt and responsibility and can be used long after abuse has happened, to prevent disclosure.

Grooming doesn't happen by accident. By definition, it's deliberate. When someone begins grooming, they have already decided to abuse. From that point on, interaction has one goal. It creates a situation where the person being targeted has conflicting emotions about what's happening, no one they trust to give advice, and no way to break out without being the bad guy.

The setup - the grooming behaviors themselves - vary. One abuser might use many approaches, and might even change methods if a target isn't receptive. I think we can all agree that guilt-tripping and displays of aggression aren't healthy under any circumstances, but many common behaviors are things that can happen outside of grooming, in other contexts, and be ok. (An old friend might give generous gifts purely out of friendship, but someone who's practically a stranger, giving generous gifts, acting like an old friend, is potentially predatory.) That's why it can be so hard to see. We can't simply ban their tools or latch onto keywords. There are no elements that are always present. There's no set pattern. There are few flags that are always red. It's not that simple.

The only reliable and realistic way to keep vulnerable ppl safe is to teach them to recognize potential grooming by looking at the entirety of the situation, to trust their feelings, and to speak up.

#im js #grooming mention #how to fix the worlds problems with a tumblr post #i cannot understand grooming survivors calling for bans and crackdowns #when it so obviously does not matter what is available to a groomer - they arent gonna just shrug and pack up and go home #theyre gonna switch tactics and then were back where we are now #except with a false sense of security #thats very very bad #without even touching on how unrealistic and oppressive it is to ban pretty much anything thats used in grooming #ffs i could argue that the most impactful thing a groomer can give is attention/encouragement #now are we gonna ban that or are we gonna teach kids to recognize when its manipulative and not genuine #be real here

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lvpnm-moved · 2 years ago

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sorry idk if ur still taking fandom crit but

yeah while this mcyt community is much more “”accepting”” in the age of 2022 you have to remember at the end of the day a community run by and made FOR cis white straight ablebodied men is only going to be safe for that group. No matter how “accepting” it is. Better, yeah. Not good. Because it wasn’t made for anyone but that group. i hope i worded that well

yeah and this "acceptance" is mostly only for white queers bc for poc we get the same bs the we normally have on fandoms. hell just look at how ccs always do or say something abt pride month but never say anything abt black history month, and u cant even say its a American thing so the britsh ccs wouldn't know bc the uk also has it.

u get ppl on this same "accenting community" we get nonblacks calling blk ppl self centered bc they spoke negatively abt a ccs bc they did antiblack shit. we get ppl acting like they didnt do racist shit in the past out of their on free will and that it was just "bc ppl were like that during that time". we get ppl saying that theyve apologized/addressed it so we should forget abt it while ignoring that its so easy for them to say "haha im sorry" and move on while ignoring ppl suffering bc of their own privilege. we get talking like we should praise those white men bc they arent racist anymore . ppl saying that not growing up bigot is a "privilage" and that the ccs are victims bc they crew up like that as if the fact they could be bigots is bc of their own privilage as white ppl. or ignoring the fact that some ccs did bad shit on recent years or undermining/shifting the blame for the things in the past even tho they changed. or a white person speaking over a black person that was talking abt a ccs antiblackness basicaly saying that speaking abt it was ignoring that they changed.

like yeah sure dream isnt as antiblack as he used to be but in 2021 he still said to a blk person he didnt believe them when they spoke to him abt experience antiblackness from his community but oh yeah he changed and theres no reason for we(blk ppl) to dislike him at all/s. its always the white queers(or even just nonblk in general) fans that are the first to forget abt those "controversies" and act like theres no reason to believe they are racism and hate them for it when those reasons are in fact very real

its easy to go and say that "the community is very good and accepting" while still ignoring how it treats any minority that isnt a white queers, fandom racism is still very real here

#ok to reblog #fandom rascim #dsmp fandom critical #mcyt fandom critical #antiblackness #cala boca lupin #ty for the ask!

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pathetic-tboy · 2 years ago

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nsfw blog

im 22, im a transsexual butch tboy. collared

im 3 years on testosterone, post hysto, pre top surgery but thats changing this or next year. my lack of a uterus will not stop me from fetishposting about getting pregnant

i follow from mister-gender

18+ with age in bio to interact.

dms open to women/woman-adjacent who like (consensually or consensually nonconsensually) abusing/threatening tboy puppies. major plus if ur trans as well. cis men get shot on sight

NOTE: im not attracted to men but to all sub trans guys i reblog when i reblog ur sub trans guy posts im doing it because im a trans male sub, not that i want a male sub (or a sub at all). likewise ill reblog gender neutral stuff regardless of what tags is on it, but i promise im not seeing u as a woman, when i reblog sub trans guy stuff its bc i wanna be the guy in the post. if u rly dont want me to reblog anyway though just block this account idm

i also get a lot of mlm stuff on my dash and may not be able to differentiate if its gender neutral enough, so if u dont want me to reblog gay stuff just block me its ok idm, im not gonna hold it against u i block ppl who i dont necessarily DISLIKE all the time just bc their kinks r smth that doesnt align with mine and is a major turnoff

LIMITS:

-misgendering/detrans

-scat

-ageplay

-snuff/death

-birthing kinks (impreg is ok, its just the sexualization of giving birth thats the issue for me)

-sensory deprivation (receiving)

-p3d0b4it/"gr00m me"

KINKS:

-mpreg/breeding

-praise

-endearing degredation

-degredation

-oral

-gangbang

-monsters/aliens

-knives

-puppyplay

-bondage

-somno

-cnc

-power dynamic

-choking

-femdom (trans, im t4t)

-begging

-facefucking

-getting pissed on

-big sis

-kidnapping

GOOD TERMS:

-any compliment, like pretty or handsome (i dont see them as gendered)

-"good boy"

-anything degrading, but not feminine terms

-my [anything non-fem]

BAD TERMS:

-any pronouns besides he/him or it/its

-misgendering of any kind

-bitch (its just a nasty word)

DNI:

-"pro-map" (even if its just a kink)

-beastiality

-detrans/misgendering kink

-minors

-bigotted in any way

-chasers

-cis ppl. i mean idk what draws u to the tranny on tranny action blog but like. get out pls

-people who cant understand/respect boundaries like a normal fucking person

(note: just bc ur on my dni doesnt necessarily mean i dont like u or ur doing anything wrong i just may not be into what u post)

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neotrances · 3 years ago

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Man all I want to say is as an avid NGE fan I will never understand these people who attack u for aot mutuals and so on. Like I KNOW u are not talking about bb when you have a danganronpa icon a homestuck icon etc. these people just see you as problematic so they use every chance to attack u. Like I said earlier im an NGE fan and it would not be right of me to criticize U for liking media like that. NGE has its flaws but like most people. Including U. We watch normally / 'critically'

YUPPPP and thankyou but i’m fine it’s more annoying than it is stressful but also to touch on what u said in the first ask i don’t have problems with ppl like criticizing media when they like media that is equally bad it’s when that criticism turns into some weird superiority complex that makes a person go “well my problematic media is ok but ur problematic media makes u the devil” (and this is different from for example me not liking south park and making fun of south park but not being smug or whatever) it’s just an issue i see in here where ppl very clearly still have that “good taste gang” mentality when 90% of the shows in the “good taste gang” were highly bigoted in some way, and obviously this has more to do with case by case stuff bc some media is objectively worse than others etc but it’s just so bizarre getting on here seeing ppl with mp100 icons crucifying ppl with jojo blogs for racism etc when they refuse to even talk about / pretend the racism in their own media is nonexistent etc, this convo revolves around maturity honestly bc i (as a hater) love picking apart media and i often do this with things i like, this behavior isn’t inherently bad and it’s good to be able to analyze media and understand why certain elements are bigoted etc and uhhh idk where i was going with this but yeah

#✉️

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dathen · 4 years ago

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idk what tma discourse ur responding to but for me i personally like allo martin. As an ace person i find the idea of an allo person learning abt asexual identities and discussing boundaries and still being w the person as quite comforting. For a long time I thought that in a way I couldn't be w an allo person bc it couldn't work out, which isn't true.

I like asexual martin as well but my point is, to let people headcannon the character's sexualities? tma is delightfully queer in a vague way and people can explore that queerness in a miriad of ways.

That's just my opinion though! Enjoy your day

If you think I’m looking down on people’s right to hc Martin as allo, you must have not been reading any of my posts. In fact, you really should examine your reaction of seeing someone *celebrating an ace headcanon* when it’s being attacked, and taking it as some sort of attack on your own. I didn’t think this was a distinction I had to make since I haven’t said anything against allosexual Martin or anyone’s right to see him that way, other than saying it’s not canon and not some sort of default we’re bound to.

I also like allo Martin headcanons. I find worth in a LOT of interpretations of Martin, and actively seek out all kinds: ace Martin is wonderful because I get to see a lot of myself reflected in a character I love and who shares a lot of other life experiences with me, plus it allows me to enjoy Jon/Martin without centering an allo perspective. Allo Martin with sex averse Jon is great because it runs against the old aphobic discourse that ace people can’t be in a relationship with allo people, and that it’s “abusing” the allo partner to be in a sex-free relationship. Sex-interested Martin in a polyship with sex-averse Jon and another sex-interested partner is great because polyships are wonderful and that kind of set-up is often wish fulfillment. Lonely, inexperienced Martin is valuable because it allows exploration of a very real type of adult life we never see in media outside of mockery, rather than treating a robust social and sex life as the default. ‘Everyone has a crush on Martin and he’s the most desired man on this block’ headcanons are great because that’s a rare portrayal for fat characters, and everyone SHOULD have a crush on Martin if they have any TASTE--.

(Hell, the latter two are interchangeable for Jon and Martin for me--I love “everyone has a crush on Jon” with him as an asexual, heavily nd-coded character, but ‘Jon is lonely and isolated and his relationship with Martin is a rare exception’ is closer to canon themes and has so much value on its own.)

That’s the thing that’s exhausting about this kind of headcanon policing; people latch onto their favorite and find worth in it, but then insist all other kinds have no worth and can only have bigoted, hateful motivations. Ace Martin must be because you’re trying to desexualize fat people, or think that ace people can only be in relationships with other ace people! Polyship Jonmartin must be because you think Jon’s not good enough by himself! Allo Martin with sex-averse Jon must mean you’re homophobic and against gay sex (this take didn’t come from ace Martin fans, but from aphobic fans attacking the writers of the show as “cowards for desexualizing a gay relationship by making Jon ace”)!

There are pitfalls to writing all of the above, which should be addressed on their own with nuance and research rather than projecting ultimate bad faith and banning the entire category as Wrong. People take their own reasons for not enjoying a dynamic (fandom used to call them “squicks”) and project that onto the author as a bad motivation, and then rampage against it like it’s Problematic and needs to be stamped out.

Being told that Martin IS ALLOSEXUAL and ABSOLUTELY FUCKS and is TOO HOT AND COOL to possibly be sexually inexperienced? That having an ace headcanon for him is demeaning and dehumanizing, fatphobic and homophobic, and we need to “examine our biases” if we inflict it on him? That’s just plain old acephobia on top of obnoxious headcanon policing. Allo Martin is by far the most prevalent headcanon in the fandom--ace Martin is a tiny niche that only recently has gotten any attention, and most ace Martin works are by authors who normally write allo Martin. Anyone who’s even glimpsed into the nsfw side of the fandom should immediately know how popular sexually active allo Martin is there. Fics that explore Jon’s asexuality almost 100% do so with Martin as the allo partner, who is so much more experienced and knowledgeable that he often teaches Jon what asexuality is.*

(*Which is becoming a bit of a squick of my own, because the prevalence of that + Jon learning from Georgie can feel very infantilizing towards Jon, and a lot of it is written as it being impossible for him to have found out on his own because he’s too incapable. But I’m not going to look down on the entire category beyond just encouraging caution and nuance because I know a lot of those stories come from the angle of “I wish I had someone who told me so I’m going to write about that.”)

This is a long post but it applies to a lot more than just the ace/inexperienced Martin interpretation. People need to be willing to just say “this isn’t for me, I don’t like this angle” and just learn to close out of the fic and just go find another one that appeals to them more.

#tma #the magnus archives #discourse #acephobia cw #aphobia cw #koa-bean

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yepiamthesmileyface · 4 years ago

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Just Friends(?)

[Image description: screenshot of an ask sent by @nemesis-is-my-middle-name reading “38 - Everyone thinks we’re already dating, but we’re just best friends- oh wait? (if ur taking prompts idk)” end image description]

Read it on AO3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28347906

Going to a Denny’s after a case was always a gamble. On one hand, there was hot, cheap junk food at whatever ungodly time they wrapped up their investigation; but on the other, sometimes the Denny’s had specimens like this. Vivi sighed, shoving a huge bite of her pancakes in her mouth and trying to tune out the ravings of the old white man who had stormed up to their booth — at three in the morning, mind you — and started screeching about how you should be ashamed of yourselves, displaying such perversions in public!! and three people living in sin!!

Normally, Vivi would have at least been making snarky comments, if not actually challenging him to a fight for insulting her and her boys like that, but...she was tucked comfortably under Lewis’s arm, the hand that wasn’t holding her fork reached across and resting on Arthur’s thigh. Also, it was literally three in the morning, she was covered in mud and slime from chasing a giant frog-creature around in a nearby river, and she had been awake for twenty-one consecutive hours. She took another bite. The pancakes tasted extra good for the exhaustion and ache sunk into her bones, strawberry topping and whipped cream and thick fluffy pancakes and maple syrup...it was almost enough to get her to forget about the man shrieking at them. She glanced back over at him, idly noting that his face was turning an interesting shade of puce.

The waiter walked back over with the same jaded, unfazed look he wore when the three of them had staggered into the Denny’s, soaked to the bone and absolutely covered in muck. He folded his arms and stared at the old man. “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You’re disturbing the other guests.” The old man turned to look at the waiter, puffing up not unlike the giant frog the Mystery Skulls had captured and returned to its actual habitat not half an hour ago, and rapidly deflating as he took in the completely impassive, almost dead-eyed stare of the late-night Denny’s waiter. He hurried out of the building, spitting one last insult about how they were all going to hell for living in sin. Given that he had used that particular phrase about nineteen times, it had kind of lost its fire, as far as Vivi was concerned.

Vivi felt some of the tension drain out of Lewis, and she turned her head, looking over at her boys. Lewis looked relieved and tired, catching her eye and smiling at her, soft and warm and completely unguarded. There was a streak of mud high on his cheek, almost matting in his no-longer-pristine hair. She smiled back, the expression billowing up like a balloon on a current of love, and reached up to wipe the smear away. Lewis leaned into her touch, and she cupped his cheek for a moment before wiping her hand on her skirt and leaning forward a little to peer around Lewis’s chest in order to check on Arthur. In contrast, Arthur looked like a live wire of tension, like he would either shatter or vault over the table and sprint away if anything else happened. Her smile dropped.

The waiter turned to them, ready with a scripted apology that actually carried a note of sincerity that Lewis quickly waved off. As he took care of talking to the waiter, Vivi leaned across him, patting Arthur’s leg quickly to get his attention.

Arthur jumped, nearly hitting his knees on the table. Vivi felt a little guilty, but quickly pushed through. “Hey. It’s alright. He’s gone.”

Arthur met her gaze, eyes wide and grin forced. His hair hung limp around his face, framing him beautifully in dark gold. “Y-yeah. Plus — plu-plus, h-he — was, wasn’t even may-making any, any, any se-sen-se.”

She bit her lip. If his stutter was coming out that strong, he was either much more anxious or much more tired than she thought. Probably a combination of both. Pulling up a warm, playful grin from the depths of her chilled bones, she said, “Yeah. I mean, his argument was both really painfully dumb and also really Christian-centric! I mean, hello, not everyone is Christian, I’m definitely not, so, like…”

Arthur continued on like he hadn’t even heard her, leg starting to bounce under the hand she just realized she never moved. “I me-mean, I mean, he — h-he — we, we’re — I mean, we’re jus-just, just friends. Wh— I do-don’t kno— I dunno why h-he tho-thougth we we-were —”

Vivi felt Lewis freeze under her, and she wasn’t far behind. She felt breathless, like she had been punched in the gut, like he had slapped her in the face instead of saying those three little words bouncing around her head. We’re just friends?! “Wait. Wait, what?!” The words came out closer to a whine than she would have liked them to, but she was too stunned to really care.

At the same time, Lewis gasped like he had been shot. “You’re — are you breaking up with us?!” He sounded like he was two seconds away from bursting into loud sobs in the middle of this Denny’s.

Arthur’s mouth dropped open, and he stared at them with eyes the size of dinner plates. A stunned silence fell over their booth, broken only by the wavering sound of Lewis’s breathing.

Before any more drama could happen, Vivi held up her hand, forcing the words out past the cold spot that had taken up residence between her lungs. “No. Nuh-uh. Arthur, one word answer, and we’ll talk about this all when it’s tomorrow. Are you breaking up with us?”

Arthur opened and closed his mouth a few times before volunteering a tentative, “N-no…?”

Her shoulders slumped as she let out an explosive sigh. “Alright. Let’s — tomorrow? Tomorrow, when we’re not all so tired, we’re gonna talk about this, yes?”

Arthur nodded slowly, still boggling at them for some reason. Vivi was too tired to puzzle his behavior over properly, so she just glanced up at Lewis, who also nodded, unwinding his arm from around her to wipe at his face.

The rest of the night seemed to pass in snapshots to Vivi’s tired mind. Their dinner being boxed up. Walking back to the motel, just across the parking lot. Patting Mystery on the head and telling him he’s a good boy yes he is. Collapsing face first into the delicious crisp coolness of the starched motel bed. Lewis’s deep, tired chuckle as he took her glasses off her face. The weight of another body next to hers, but not the two she had become accustomed to after countless nights on the futon in the van.

The next morning, she woke up slowly to the smell of coffee, and made to roll over so she could sit up. Instead, the world plummeted around her as she rolled right off the bed with a sharp, panicked yelp, caught in a devious trap of tangled blankets and sheets. A soft, almost stifled snort came from her left, and a pair of hands reached into the gordian knot of fabric, deftly untangling her. She squinted up at the blur of color and fuzz, the pale yellow-orange blur instantly recognizable as Arthur.

Vivi huffed, knowing full well he was smirking at her, the bastard. “Oh, like you’ve never rolled off the bed before.” She flailed her hand towards the bedside table, groping around blindly and not finding her quarry. “Where the hell’re —” A yawn interrupted her, wide enough to make her jaw crack.

The Arthur-blur disappeared for a second, and when he came back, he slipped her glasses into her hands, his hands nice and warm where they made contact with hers. “Lew had ‘em over on his side of the bed for some reason.”

She slipped her glasses on, and the world came into rose-tinted focus. “Thanks, Artie.” She looked around the motel room, noting a distinct lack of giant purple-headed fops and talking dogs, and frowned. “Speaking of, where is he?”

“He’s grabbing all our meds from the van, I think. At least, I’m hoping he’s grabbing all of ours, he just said he’d get the meds, but I didn’t —” Arthur cut himself off with a swig from his travel mug. “Oh, and Mystery took himself out for a walk a couple’a minutes ago.”

Vivi laughed. “He’s probably definitely grabbing all of our meds. Did he make coffee, or did you?”

“It’s from the breakfast buffet, actually. Burnt, but not horrible. Better than that place in Staccatto, anyway,” Arthur shrugged, walking over to sprawl on the couch. “I grabbed you a cup, too, don’t worry.”

“The mud we were wading around in yesterday woulda been better coffee than that place in Staccatto,” Vivi grumbled, picking herself up and making a beeline for the coffee. “I’m pretty sure it was dirt. At least fifty percent dirt.” Leaning against the wall as she drank, she picked at the feeling that she was forgetting something. Something important, not just the fact that she forgot to shower last night and as such was still covered in itchy, flaky mud and sweat and her socks were sagging down without fresh sock glue — she shook her head to clear it. She was forgetting something important, something that had happened the night before. The case had gone well, they were paid half upfront and they would get the other half later that day, Lewis was getting their meds, breakfast was either the buffet or leftovers...leftovers. Wait. Her eyes widened as the whole Denny’s escapade came back to her in a flash. The bigoted old man who had practically burst a vein yelling at them, Arthur’s comment about them being just friends — but he wasn’t breaking up with them, apparently???

Downing the rest of the coffee in one gulp, she glanced towards the door, then back to Arthur. She should wait, Vivi told herself sternly. She should wait for Lewis, because Lewis was an important part of their relationship, and he should not be left out of serious relationship discussions.

Luckily, she was saved from the antsy feeling creeping around under her shoulder blades by the sound of the door opening. Lewis ducked in, a tote bag bearing the logo of a kitschy tourist trap in his hand. He beamed as he noticed her, walking up and giving her a good morning kiss.

Vivi laughed, putting a hand on his chest and pushing him away lightly. “Lew, I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet! No morning breath kisses, we all agreed those were the worst.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Arthur start, but Lewis just laughed, walking over to the table and setting the bag down on it. He started to unpack, first his own rainbow pill caddy, then Vivi’s cylindrical one, and finally Arthur’s loose assortment of orange bottles. “Fine, fine. Meds, everybody, come and get it.”

Once they had all taken their various medications, and Arthur had been chided into using his coffee to take his meds instead of taking them dry, Vivi took a deep breath. “Okay. Boys, I think we need to have a serious conversation now.” Arthur stiffened, and his eyes darted towards the windows. Vivi immediately strode forward, sitting down on the couch next to him. “I will sit on you if I have to, Artie,” she warned him, only half joking.

Arthur sighed and slumped against the couch, covering his face with his hands. His ears were cherry-red, and Vivi couldn’t help but find it cute.

Despite the cuteness, she shared a worried glance with Lewis as he settled down on the bed across from the couch. Lewis shook his head, a worried frown pulling at his face. She took another deep, grounding breath, setting her shoulders and sitting up straight before she looked at Arthur. “Okay. Arthur. What was that last night? You — you said we were just friends,” and those words still stung like a winter wind, “But then you say you’re not breaking up with us?”

It came out a touch more accusatory than she wanted it to, and Lewis took over with a gentle, “We’re not mad, Arthur. Not disappointed, either, but — if you don’t want us to even say we’re dating when we’re in public, I wish you’d told us earlier. It’s okay if you don’t! It really is, I get it, but…”

Arthur went impossibly redder, and curled in on himself, drawing his knees up towards his chest. “I dndwrdn…” he whined, muffled by his hands.

“I didn’t catch that, sorry,” Vivi said, wrapping her hands lightly around his wrists and tugging gently, trying to get him to lower them.

Arthur took a deep breath, dropped his hands, and half yelled, “I didn’t know we were dating!!!” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, his hands shot back up so fast he practically slapped himself in the face.

Vivi sat back, stunned. He...didn’t know? How could he possibly not know?!

“I — I, I, you — you never asked!” Arthur yelped.

Oh, she had said that out loud. “What do you — Arthur, we asked you out two months ago!”

Lewis raised his hands in a T, using the same tone he used on his sisters when they were getting too rowdy. “Okay, you two, time out!”

They both fell silent, turning to face Lewis.

Lewis tilted his head, looking at their boyfriend. Who...apparently didn’t know that he was their boyfriend. “Arthur...do you really not remember? We asked you out when we were back home, almost two months ago.”

“Okay, yes, it was a month, four weeks, and five days, not two months, but I don’t think semantic arguments are gonna be a big help here, babe,” Vivi grumbled.

Arthur shook his head wordlessly, still hiding his cherry-red face.

A month, four weeks, five days, and a handful of hours ago…

“It honestly feels so weird not living out of the van, doesn’t it?” Vivi mused, taking a bite of pizza.

“It really does. I’d completely forgotten what it was like to be woken up in the morning by forty pounds of overenthusiastic child launched directly at my sternum,” Lewis laughed, rubbing at his chest.

“Lew, we’ve only been road tripping for three months. That’s a bit quick, big guy,” Arthur snickered, pausing to shove half a slice of his weird oyster pizza in his mouth.

“It was so nice, though! The most I had to deal with while living with y’all is your pointy elbows!” Lewis leaned over and mussed Arthur’s hair. A laugh bubbled out of Arthur as he batted at Lewis’s hand futilely, trying to save his cone of hair gel. Laughing, Lewis subsided, pulling back. “But, yeah, I woke up this morning with a Cayenne-shaped bruise right on my sternum.”

Vivi winced sympathetically, shaking her head. “Ouch. Did she mean to?”

“Nah. Just excited.” Lewis’s smile turned fond. “They missed me. Demanded souvenirs and made me sit down and be their personal giant teddy bear as they watched Moana for the eighth time. Then Paprika gave me about twenty bead bracelets. When y’all come to the Paradiso, she’s got your piles waiting.”

“She’s still doing bead bracelets?” Vivi asked, a note of excitement in her voice. The last time they had all gotten bead bracelets from Paprika, it was right after the Peppers had explained what transgender meant, and the three of them had all gotten a bead bracelet with the word transgender wildly misspelled, the pink, white, and blue of the flag slapped randomly on there. It was the best piece of jewelry she owned — hers said “trasgenner”, Arthur’s said “trainsgandr”, and Lewis’s said “trasgeneer”. Paprika had been very determined to do it on her own, and had just gone with her best guess on each one.

“Yep! She’s got one for both of you that has your favorite animal as a charm,” Lewis revealed, grinning.

“Perfect!” Vivi did a very restrained fist pump.

Arthur hummed, staring at the pizza boxes on the table. It was almost a full twenty seconds before he grabbed another slice. “That actually sounds really nice. Both the, the bracelets and the personal teddy bear Moana thing.”

“Honestly, it wasn’t bad at all.”

Silence descended on their table, comfortable and companionable. Vivi shut her pizza box, setting her elbows on the table and propping her head on her hands, studying the two in front of her. Butterflies were building in her stomach — they were just both so beautiful, the warm noonday sunlight making both her boys glow in different ways. Arthur looked like he was wreathed in gold, his hair and eyes shining the same color as the sunlight. On the other hand, the warm light brought out the full richness of Lewis’s skin tone and made his hair gleam like the satin of his ascot, as well as glinting off his sparkly magenta nail polish. She made eye contact with Lewis, jerking her chin towards Arthur and wiggling her eyebrows.

Lewis blushed, glancing at Arthur nervously. Arthur, completely oblivious, simply leaned back in his chair, eyes drifting closed. He didn’t look tired, or, at least, not drop dead exhausted, just relaxed, happy, and full, so Vivi took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders.

“So, Artie...there’s something we’ve been meaning to ask you.”

Arthur opened his eyes, meeting her gaze curiously. There was no undercurrent of nervousness in his eyes, and Vivi was warmed to the core by his trust in them — she had asked an extremely open-ended question. “Huh? What’s up?”

Lewis cleared his throat. “We want to ask you if...Arthur, would you like to go out with us?”

“I thought that’s what we’re already doing right now…?” Arthur looked adorably confused, brow furrowed as he looked between them.

Vivi shook her head. “No, like, as a date. Will you go on a date with us, and-or be our boyfriend?”

Arthur sat very still for a long moment (she wasn’t even sure he was breathing) before a grin unfolded across his face, as resplendent as the sun itself. “Yeah. I’d — I’d really love that. I — yeah. Yeah, I’ll go out with you and be your boyfriend.”

“Oh, perfect!” Vivi squealed, barely restraining herself from launching across the table and kissing him until he was more lipstick-mark than man. “When works best for you? Should we go somewhere in town, or wait til we’re on the road again? There’s this sushi place in Tremolo that I’ve just been dying to try, we should go there, if we’re waiting til we’re on the road again. Or just in general, it seems really good and I haven’t had good sushi in ages.”

Arthur tilted his head, clearly considering her words. His smile took on a wistful edge. “...y’know...I don’t really need all the fancy date stuff. Just...I’m happy to do what we’ve been doing, just...together. Having you guys be — being with you guys, romantically — that...that would be enough for me,” he said softly.

Lewis grinned over at him, soft and sappy, and opened his mouth. Before he could say anything, his phone rang in his pocket, and he pulled it out, grimacing a little as he checked the caller ID. “It’s Papá. Hold on, I gotta take this.” He stood up, stepping a bit away. Not a minute later, he stepped back, regretful smile firmly in place. “...sorry, guys. I’m needed back at the Paradiso for free childcare,” he joked.

“Aww…” Vivi was really only half disappointed. They had pretty much finished up lunch, only a few slices left between the three of them (none of them hers), and she had a shift at the Tome Tomb coming up soon, anyway. And, more importantly, they had asked Arthur out and he said yes! Their couple was now officially a polycule!

Arthur rubbed the back of his neck. “I can — give you a ride. I gotta get back to Uncle Lance’s place anyway, I’m...” he trailed off, and Vivi waited maybe ten seconds for him to finish his sentence before accepting that he had lost his train of thought.

“Well, then...the Tome Tomb ain’t far, I can walk. I guess this is the end of our first date,” Vivi sighed. She stood up, standing on her tiptoes and pulling Lewis down for a chaste kiss before walking over and pressing a kiss to Arthur’s stubble-roughened cheek — familiar territory that should have been safe enough, she did that in the post-case exhilaration at least half the time.

Arthur blushed bright red anyway, and she left with a bright laugh, walking on clouds with the universe held in her hands.

A month, four weeks, five days, and a handful of hours after that…

Arthur groaned, running a hand through his hair. “Really?! I — guys, I had been awake for, like, two solid days at that point!”

“So you — you don’t remember us asking you out at all?” Lewis asked, shocked.

“No! Or — well — ki-kinda? I — kinda thought I was dreaming…” Arthur trailed off into muttering, fidgeting with his bracelets and not making eye contact.

Vivi paused for a moment, eyebrows creeping up. “Wow. Way to inflate our egos, there, Artie,” she joked.

“Wh— how am I inflating your ego?!” Arthur jerked his head up to look at her.

“We asked you out and you literally thought you were dreaming. We’re literally your dream partners!” She cackled.

Instead of laughing, Arthur rubbed the back of his neck, looking down, his words spilling out in a jumble. “Um. Y-yeah, actually...I — didn’t think it was — I, I mean, I’d, um I’d had dreams...like that...before. And...uh. Since then if I’m being honest.”

Vivi felt a blush rising in her cheeks, and she covered her mouth.

“That’s...that’s incredibly sweet, Artie…” Lewis managed, blushing harder than she was.

Vivi cleared her throat. “Sap,” she managed, shaking her head fondly.

Arthur took a deep, shaky breath. “So, um. Can...can we start over? On dating? I do — I really, really do want to date you guys, for real, I just...didn’t...know?”

“Of course!” Vivi and Lewis exclaimed in accidental unison.

“And this time you’ve definitely slept enough to be lucid,” Lewis added on lightheartedly. “You were snoring before I fell asleep.”

“Well…” Arthur smiled, lopsided. “I’m pretty sure I am, anyway. Lucid, that is — and how could you hear me snoring over Vivi’s, anyway? But, uh —”

“— Hey!” Vivi interrupted. “I don’t snore that loud!”

“You sound like a train, Vivs,” Arthur teased, before clearing his throat. “But, uh. Anyway. Wanna...wanna pinch me so I’m sure I’m not dreaming this time?”

Vivi smirked at him. “I’ll do you one better, actually.”

Before he could respond, Vivi leaned over, pressing a kiss to his lips. It took him a moment to react, startled, but he hesitantly started to kiss back after a second or two. There weren’t any fireworks, at least for her; if anything, it felt like being electrocuted, but in a good way, sparks shooting through her whole body, curling her toes and making her fingertips tingle. Arthur’s hand came up to grip at her sweater. Vivi kept the kiss chaste, and pulled back after a moment, glancing at Lewis.

Lewis pouted at her, a smile tugging at his lips and his voice. “Aww, I wanted to kiss him first, you got to do it at the restaurant.”

Arthur licked his lips, breath coming out a little funny, and swallowed hard before he got up and stepped towards Lewis, grinning crookedly. “W-well...consolation prize?”

Lewis let out a bark of laughter, startling Arthur into jumping a little, and pulled Arthur close with a gentle hand. “I can live with that,” he murmured, leaning in to kiss him.

Vivi settled back, watching her boys kiss from the lumpy motel couch. It felt like coming home, like kicking off her shoes and shedding her stress as easily as taking off her scarf. She ran her tongue over her teeth absentmindedly, and grimaced. “Whoops. Sorry, Artie, didn’t mean for our first kiss to be a morning breath kiss.”

Arthur broke away from the kiss he was sharing with Lewis to blink at her, swaying a little bit. “...huh?” he managed, brain visibly rebooting. “Oh! Uh. It’s okay, I don’t think I...noticed?”

“Still, it’s the principle of the matter,” Vivi wrinkled her nose, standing up. “I’ll be right back, you two keep doing what you’re doing.” She tossed in a wink for good measure, and made her way to the bathroom with the accompaniment of Arthur’s flustered squeak and Lewis’s deep, rich laughter.

#msa #mystery skulls #mystery skulls animated #lewvithur #vivi msa #vivi yukino #lewis msa #lewis pepper #arthur msa #arthur kingsmen #they're stupid your honor #aaaa sorry it's been like 8 kajillion years since you requested this #people talk to me #my writing #nemesis-is-my-middle-name

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littlebabycrybtch · 4 years ago

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dude literally why are ppl so fucking stupid the way they talk about slur reclamation nowadays.... as if like... bigots care and are nuanced abt the exact label you use or the way you experience minority status. yall are wayyy too fucking illusioned by this social media shit im sorry but literally you need to get real and pay some attention to how real world oppression works instead of focusing on applying your own ideas. it sucks but i mean... ur analysis doesnt matter to them. their actions hold bigger consequences. ig in your world, it makes sense that slurs would have strict rules on how theyre used or smth, but in the real world its more broad than that, and you cant just literally ignore that for your own concepts and expect that to be worth anything realistic for social justice. if a person with the power to oppress you intentionally calls you a relevant slur They Decide Applies to you, bc idk, Slurs Are Derogatory Terms Invented By The Bigots First, then uhh. theyre the one with the power to use it like that unfortunately. people reacting to that are not your enemy. like i apologize from the bottom of my heart fake modern activists with twitter brainrot, but if im queer and cishets regularly call me a d*ke or a f*g or tr*nny.... theyre calling me that intentionally. sry you disagree but doesnt really matter man, it does more social damage for them to say that to me than it EVER could me calling myself that to feel empowered and normalize lgbt+ pride. normal adults understand this like lmfaooo im sorry but it literally is such a blatant ‘i dont get how things work’ stance to be like , ‘specific genders and sexualities within the lgbt+ community are called specific slurs by the smartest most well informed bigots in the world who read discourse blogs consistently to decide how they behave, they use slurs like socks that match the days of the week’ girl . to cishets we are all one race the f*ggot race and it fucking sucks ! but literally the best response is to use the damn terms Positively just as broadly as they do. how tf does ur tiny brain work to be SO exclusive club-mentality abt Every single possible topic of OPPRESSION, this isnt the thing to be uppity over dude use ur head, trans men or lesbians or bisexuals using the f slur are not gonna hurt you and to even think that is so fuckin detached

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vampireqrow-moved · 4 years ago

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hey so I agree with a lot of the stuff in your post about the transphobia involved in the origin of the pansexual label, but I just have one question: what are the actual impacts of people with good intentions calling themselves pan? If you don't hate pansexuals and consider them bi, why type up a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of the origin of the label if it means the same thing in the way that most non transphobic people (your audience) use it? a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways (like bi and lesbian and anything really) and plenty of valid identities from problematic roots and evolve over time as people use them differently (queer, transsexual). so how is a person with good intentions using a not-perfect label in a way you don't like a threat to the community? if someone is using the label pan transphobically, wouldn't their bigotry exist independently? if pan people do not act in transphobic ways besides using the label pansexual, realistically what is changing if they call themselves bi beyond holier-than-thou aesthetic activism? plus, a blog on the internet isn't going to get everyone to stop identifying as pansexual, especially considering multiple prominent celebrities ID as pan. so why spend all that energy quibbling on semantics because some bi people use a slightly different word when you could be worrying about Literally anything else? just feels like you want to find something to argue about lol. extremely disappointed that I had to break a mutual

im going to respond to each thing you bring up chronologically- im not trying to nitpick or prioritize certain things you say ill just forget things if i go out of order and i dont want to miss something important. ALSO! i will be typing less formally (like keysmashes and shortening words n stuff) in this response than my og post bc its 1am as im starting to type this so im tired but i want to be clear that i am like. taking this seriously and im not like. mocking u in anyway if it could read that way?? i hope not but just in case anyways here it goes!

in terms of actual impact people with good intentions identifying as pan: honestly im not sure the full scope of the impact this has, so ill only be speaking to what ive personally seen which might not be all. but like... id argue my younger self has good intentionals iding as pan. i wanted to support trans people, even if i didnt understand a lot of the nuance involved. as a result of this, i developed a sense of superiority over other bisexuals and a mentality that bisexuality was a primitive and lesser sexuality. that mentality is harmful, and although im not sure if it affected bisexuals around me (of which there are many most of my friends are bi ajfjfjf) its still a harmful mentality and can easily hurt people even if i specifically didnt. also using it even with good intentions, which i know many people have, still spreads and further normalizes a label that imo can not be separated from its transphobic origins. this effect is not as extreme as other forms of transphobia and biphobia by A LONG SHOT. the bi community faces a lot of other issues but that doesnt mean this one isnt worth addressing if that makes sense?

if i dont hate pansexuals: ik this is part of a larger point which i will adress but i specified this in my post bc i see a lot of other posts that are negative towards pansexuality have "i hate pan ppl" somewhere in it or a close equivalent. i do not shame these ppl for their anger, i just wanted to be clear i think a lot of pan ppl are bi ppl with good intentions choosing a label they dont fully understand based on a misunderstanding of bisexuality.

why write a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of pansexuals origin: ok 😭😭 the real reason here is that im literally just bad at summarizing. like thats literally it. i also like talking, its a bad combination. plus ive been thinking abt this for like. over a year im not even kidding and just like i have a lot of thoughts and figured if i was going to bother making my own post instead of rbing someone elses that i might as well get everything i wanted to say off my chest. ALSO BTW i literally got an ask like a week ago that was several paragraphs long asking me to explain my thoughts on why pan was harmful and some other stuff so like. this is partially responding to that and partially just me wanting to air my grievances ? idk if thats the right expression 😔😔

why write the post if my audience of people who identify as pan arent doing it in a transphobic way ? again sorry i didnt really understand the phrasing so i hope this is a vaguely correct summary!! um but like... again imo i think pan cant be separated from its transphobia and like. again imo iding as pan is like. a transphobic action/choice? obviously one transphobic thing does mean someone necessarily is like officially a Transphobe (it CAN be depending on the action but i dont think that applies here) but that doesnt mean there arent problems with what they did. this is like very complicated, but like. someone doing something harmful without the knowlege that its harmful doesnt make that person a bigot by any means it just means they didnt know. and i feel thats the case here? a lot of ppl (myself included until recently) know next to nothing abt pansexualitys origins so a trans inclusve sexuality might seem like a safe and good bet just because they dont know too much abt it, and like? i cant hate those people cause that was me for 5+ years and djgjfjdj you just dont know what you dont know!

basically i think iding with a transphobic label is inherently a singular transphobic action that doesnt make the person transphobic by itself, but is still a transphobic instance.

a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways like bi, lesbian, etc.: this is true and a point i attempted to make on my original post, but i might not have clear enough. my issue with pan is specifically that it is a transphobic response to a preexisting identity. lesbian isnt an attempted trans inclusive indentity that replaced an identity that already existed (which have many trans ppl identifying with the og label). transphobes can use whatever labels they want, but transphobes using a label vs a label having a transphobic origin is very different. bigots use inclusive and supporting language for their bigotry all the time but language that originated with that bigotry is worse.

many valid identities stem from problemstic origins (like transsexual and queer) but the words evolve: ok my paraphrasing is a little weird there. anyways. the thing here is that. those are slurs. reclaimed slurs that can be empowering to many people, yes, but slurs nonetheless. reclaiming a slur is taking a harmful word and wearing it as a badge of pride. first off, pansexual is not a slur (ur not implying that in anyway just. saying) and it isnt being reclaimed when people dont treat it as having harmful origins. transsexual is the way some people identify but ppl acknowlege its a slur and originates from transphobia. ppl love to act like queer isnt a slur, which is an issue in and of itself, but just. factually it has historically and is currently being used against ppl with the intent to hurt them. pansexual isnt on the same level as these and other words like the f slur, d slur, etc. pansexual originates from trans and biphobia WITHIN the community and not outside of it, and most pansexuals dont see themselves as reclaiming the title because they dont think anythings wrong with it in the first place. and reclaiming it just seems unnecessary considering its history? theres no empowerment from using pan as a label as opposed to queer or transsexual, and it just divides the bisexual community for no reason.

how is a person using a not-perfect label a threat to the community? ok i dont think its a threat but still an issue if that difference makes sense? id like to reiterate a few things ive said before, but for me personally, it made me look down on bisexuals and see them as lesser, and it made people around me see pan as the "trans inclusive" sexuality as opposed to bisexuality, and basically its usage just leads to further biphobia. is this the worst of biphobia? no!!! but its still biphobia and why not attempt to target and minimize that? i have no way to singlehandedly stop biphobia, but my post might get through to my friends who id as pan and that small thing is better than nothing.

if someone used the pan label in a transphobic way, wouldnt that bigotry be different from people using it not transphobically?: someone claiming all bi ppl are transphobic and only pan is the acceptable label is obviously a lot worse than someone iding as pan and saying bi/pan solidarity but again, the second isnt not an issue because the first one is a bigger issue, its just a smaller issue in comparison. i wouldnt say the bigotry is different, one is just worse than the other, but it still has the same problems.

if pan people dont do anything transphobic other than id as pan then what changes with iding as bi over pan other holier-than-thou activism: its just one less person using a transphobic label? which isnt that big but it might lead to their friends stopping iding as pan and cause fewer people around them to see bi as a transphobic identity. which is small scale stuff, i wont try to blow it out of proportion, but thats still a step in the right direction and hopefully more people follow with it. its not terribly huge or lifechanging but something small that may only affect the people close to you is still something rather than nothing.

a blog the internet isnt going to get people to stop iding as pan: oh absolutely not. honestly i expected to get unfollowed/blocked more than change peoples minds regarding the pan label (im surprised i only lost two followers so far honestly) but again, someone literally asked me to do this and i wanted to be clear on my stance on the label, since in the past ive been supportive of it. im not expecting the post to get more than five likes, its more directed to my followers rather than the internet as a whole. im not expecting a large impact, im hoping to change the minds of my followers and friends who id as and support the pan label. thats it. if something bigger comes from it- great! but thats not what im aiming to do.

prev point + many prominent celebrities id as pan: the first name that comes to mind is someone im not a fan of for separate reasons but thats irrelevant. i mean im repeating myself a bit but some celebrities in the past validated and made me feel excited abt my identity as a pan person when they came out, and it justified the label to me, even when i had doubts. i have never interacted with a celebrity and do not plan to change their minds abt their identity. again, my post was for my friends and followers and maybe who ever was scrolling through the biphobia tag and decided to read my post.

why spend that much energy worrying abt the pan label instead of something else: ive spent waaaaay more energy thinking abt a singular meme i didnt like regarding my favourite rwby character so like. maybe i just overreact to things lol. maybe i have a lot of energy and since i cant talk my friends ears off abt my favourite fruits or the different voting methods i learned in my math class or what would dreams taste like, then i gotta put my energy into something. idk. i have a lot of energy and honestly? this didnt take that much. but i felt it weighing on me as my friends talked positively abt the pan label, when i felt guilty for the superiority i felt over my bi friends INCLUDING my best friend and favourite person in the world so like. i spent enough energy worrying abt it, and like. in hindsight since its been over 12 hours since posting it, im thinking abt it less. i was more worried abt feeling dishonest with my friends than actually worrying abt pansexuality, but i figured i owed them an explanation for why my feelings around it had changed.

just feels like you want to find something to argue about: okay i DO love arguing but im not pulling this out of my ass for fun. its in response to posts ive seen on my dash, asks i recieved abt pansexuality, and my way of letting people know my views have changed and why since i know at least some people are curious.

i am sorry to lose a mutual as well, and i genuinely hope things go well for you, but uh yeah thats that.

again, if people have further questions im willing to answer them i just might take a while bc i have school and other stuff 2 do but uhhh yea sorry if im clogging ur dash sjfjfkkf

#asks #long post #anonymous #pansexuality #biphobia #transphobia #my post

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