#idk these were just all the variables plaguing me while i was thinking this out these past few weeks

[asingularbee]

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[noir0neko]

sometimes i feel like ppl wanna pretend tumblr's writing standards doesnt exist but when someone actually talk about how trying to reach it tax them out, ppl go 'dont follow it!!! do you!!! be your original self!!' but end up not showing the same amount of support with the notes. and the writer ends up looking ridiculous and pathetic for voicing out their tiredness about the standards (double standards?) idk i've been thinking about this.

Hey there :) 

I think I understand what you’re trying to say! I’m going to voice my thoughts on this and if it’s not what you meant, please correct me! I’m glad you felt you could share your thoughts with me, I am always here to chat <3 

This is going to probably be a long post so the rest is below! 

This is something that has plagued me since I began this blog almost five years ago tbh. I was super attached to getting notes and gaining followers, especially when I first started posting my work. Which created this cycle where I was writing what my followers requested and only that, and became really upset when a piece didn’t do as well as I hoped. But then I wasn’t always writing what was in my heart and forcing myself to write when I wasn’t into it, which deteriorated my passion for it over time until I took a hiatus. 

As a whole, especially in fan fiction writing, and especially for BTS, there are specific AU’s and ideas that get more attention than others. Certain genres get more notes and attention, and so do stories that center around certain members. Unfortunately, that’s something that I think all fan fiction writers have to deal with, no matter the fandom or band or book series. 

That makes it really hard, especially when first starting out, to NOT fall into the algorithm of putting out works that only fit within that genre. And then it becomes a habit and then a chore and can become not fun anymore. I definitely did that and that was a huge reason why I ended up leaving for so long. 

I have put original works or pieces that I am passionate about, but not requested on this blog and generally, they never do as well as the more “by the book” fics. It sucks and I definitely agree with what you’re saying in many ways. While the sentiment is nice, of writing what I want and being original, that’s not what is typically successful on this platform. Not in my experience. 

I still have to remind myself when I post something original to not be depressed or upset that it didn’t get as much attention as I hoped. I still have to remind myself that when I see another writer with thousands of likes on a fic they posted a week ago that it doesn’t make me any less of a writer. I also have to remind myself that my note count and my follower count doesn’t matter. But I live in a culture, especially as a woman, where those things matter very much. People see others and their worth in terms of their social status, by followers, likes, comments, etc. That mindset is hard to escape, even here on Tumblr. 

I have lost a lot of followers since I came back and made my blog more diverse than just BTS. That sucks and it hurts, because this has been my baby, but if I continued to just be BTS, then I wouldn’t be able to share my diverse passions and other interests with people and would feel constricted and restrained. Before I left, I spent a long time answering ALL of my requests and putting half ass work out and I came to the conclusion during my hiatus that I would much rather put out works I felt SO proud of and have them do alright, then put out works I thought were crappy and have them do great. 

I know I am staying as true to myself as I want to be on here and that matters. 

As a reader and a writer, it’s always easy to encourage other people and not follow through. Sometimes certain topics or genres sing to one person and don’t for another, and that’s completely okay. I do understand what you’re saying and I feel that way, as well. I sometimes post little rants to try and engage with everyone here and to help you guys get to know me better and me get to know all of you. But most of them go ignored from what I can see on my end, and it does discourage me from posting anything personal at all. 

It can be really easy to fall into a cycle of negativity on this platform, especially if I start comparing myself to other people. But I know that a lot of what I would be getting upset over is largely left to chance: people may not see what I posted come up on their dash, I just came back from a two year hiatus, pretty much all of the people I knew here before have left, and I have opened my blog to include other fandoms that some of my former followers may not want to see. There are so many variables on a website, especially one like Tumblr. 

And despite feeling discouraged sometimes, like no one really reads my writing or will care about my next fic, I know I will feel proud of myself for finishing it and sticking with what I am passionate about, so I keep going! 

~Admin Eggplant