#idk there's a big 'i told you so' card I'm waiting to play on myself just so I can move on

[eras-mus]

HIII I HAD A THOIGHT THAT HAS BEEN KILLING MY MIND AND I NEED TO TELL IT TO SOMEONE OTHERWISE IM GNA EXPLODE

get this . everyone chilling at ramshackle dorm doing their own thing, yuu (and grimm by extension), ace and deuce sitting by the table talking about whatever crosses their mind

Eventually the conversation escalates to birthdays and holidays and ace asks how old Yuu is. Azul interjects with saying Yuu's age from the contract they signed a few months ago, but then Yuu pipes up and tells them that they're one year older than that.

Theres a small moment of confusion until it dawns onto Deuce that Yuy's birthday was a month or two ago and they never spoke a peep about it. Not even to grimm!! And when asked, Yuy makes an excuse like "that was when __ was kind of close to overblotting and I didn't want to make it about me because that'd be so nitpicky—"

It was based off an audio i heard and idk if i want to write it into a short drabble for myself i probably cant since im only on book 2 ueue). But like. its a fun prompt methinks. what would all of them do when they find out Yuu deliberately didn't say a thing about their birthday

🎉

THAT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY???

★Reader is Yuu and is 17 years old

★gender neutral

★takes place after the third book

Sorry it's short, hope you like it!

-

"Can we start yet!" Ace complained, head slamming onto the table.

"I told you we're waiting on a couple more people." The perfect told him "I invited Kalim and Azul to join us since Sebek and Jack couldn't make it"

Tonight was the Ramshackle dorms weekly game night, normally it was just the freshmen but Sebek said that Malleus 'needs' his protection and Jack was just to tired from Spell Drive practice.

"They outta hurry up" Epel started, country accent slightly showing through "don't they know it's rude to be late."

A awkward silence fell over the dorm for a moment before a knock echoes through the dorm.

When y/n opened the dorm they were greeted with a cheerful smile and a hug.

"Thank you so much for inviting me!" Kalim smiled "I hope you don't mind that I brought Jamil, I also brought food, well Jamil did, he made it!"

Y/n blinked for a moment, taking in all the words one guy manged to say so fast. They looked over Kalim's shoulder just in time to see Jamil face plant.

"Thank you for the food Jamil" They smiled, giving him a wave.

"If was the least I could do perfect" he stated, not returning the wave.

Luckily Azul showed up before y/n could shut the door.

Just a few minutes later the group was playing some sort of trivia card game where they would either have to answer a question about someone else playing, a question about themselves, or just a random fact. If they got it wrong the next person would answer the same card, whoever got the most questions right won.

"Who is the most followed person in Magi Cam?" Epel read, "That's easy, Neige"

He revealed the answer to show it was correct.

"Of course you would get that one right" Ace complained "Vil never stops going on about it"

Every one just ignoring him looked over at Deuce, who was next to pick a card.

"How old is the person sitting to your right?" He looked over at y/n. "I'm not sure...18?"

They just shook their head.

"I know this one" Azul butted in, ready to take another point "Our contract from a while ago said that they were 16."

One again y/n shook their head. "I just turn 17 last month"

The room went silent for what seemed like forever.

"WE MISSED YOUR BIRTHDAY!" They all shouted in union.

"Riddle is going to have a heart attack when he finds out" Deuce commented, Ace nodding in agreement.

"You should've said something, we could've had a huge party" Kalim whined.

Y/n scratch the back of their head, "It's not big deal, it was right after one of the overblots, plus where I'm from birthdays aren't that big of a deal."

"Jamil we need to plan a party right now" Kalim said, getting up from his seat.

"We have to too" Ace said "Or get Trey and Riddle to do it for us"

Soon everyone had said something similar and got up and left leaving a confused Ramshackle perfect.

[ohmyeyesmyeyes]

social media shy

f!potterer!reader x quinn hughes

warnings: swearing

(sidenote: qhuggyhes is quinn's private account - only mentioned once)

liked by analuisacorrigan and 25,145 others

ynofficial: holy mac'n' cheeseballs i'm gonna be in vogue

view all comments

fan1: *takes deep breath* I'M SO PROUD OF YOU

fan2: no more gatekeeping, only girlbossing

fan3: we must gatekeep her from the stinky men though

fan4: you're so beautiful

fan5: i actually can't wait

liked by jackhughes and 34,136 others

ynofficial: can someone get me a cat? i'm in desperate need of a housemate that purrs when cuddled. a cat would also keep me company in this big apartment

view all comments

fan6: my grandma's cat just had kittens and she's in vancouver if you're interested?

ynofficial: ooh yes please!

fan7: what's wrong with your current housemate?

ynofficial: he smiles and falls asleep on me and leaves vancouver for work often :/

fan8: what's wrong with a smile?

ynofficial: it makes me like him even more that's what's wrong

liked by _quinnhughes

qhuggyhes: please don't play the guilt card i WILL fold

liked by ynofficial

fan9: repping lana as we should

ynofficial: the one and only

liked by drewstarkey and 33,197 others

ynofficial: meet harley!! she's so adorable i just want to cry...also she's an incredibly annoying bedmate at times (but she's cute so i'll let her off)

view all comments

fan10: you're a crazy cat lady now, welcome to the club

ynofficial: i'm honoured

fan11: i'm assuming harley is the cat?

ynofficial: your assumption would be correct yes

trevorzegras: and harley is YOUR cat?

ynofficial: stfu yes

jackhughes: i see what you did there. clever.

ynofficial: idk what you're talking about

fan12: why the sudden influx of nhl players?

fan13: i don't even know who any of them are

ynofficial: neither do i

liked by lhughes_06 and 42,192 others

ynofficial: i want you to know i take being a cat mother very seriously and that i'm going to start referring to home as HQ for personal reasons

view all comments

lhughes_06: HQ being harley and...

ynofficial: you used to my favourite

lhughes_06: what am i now?

ynofficial: on thin ice

fan14: pretty sure luke hughes has a brother called quinn

fan15: yeah he does

fan16: quinn is in the second photo and i think the last?

fan17: wait does hq = harley/quinn????

_quinnhughes has added to their story

liked by analuisacorrigan, zoeydeutch and 53,971 others

ynofficial: new 'dainty florals' set on the market!

view all comments

fan18: are you on the market too?

fan19: LMAO no

fan20: i'm analysing her hands now

fan21: POV you're here bc of that twitter thread

fan22: me

fan23: the moon mug is giving fairy garden and i love it

liked by ynofficial

liked by lhughes_06, bradytkachuk and 78,182 others

_quinnhughes: been busy lately

view all comments

fan24: babe we all know *wink wink*

fan25: that's definitely y/n

fan26: quinn rn: sorry i haven't been posting i've been having a lot of sex

fan28: everyone knows

jackhughes: and i'm still patiently waiting

liked by _quinnhughes, _eliaspettersson and 61,513 others

ynofficial: congrats on your-

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fan29: -record breaking of 263 games to assist 200 times?

liked by ynofficial

jackhughes: 🐔

ynofficial: bet

fan30: even the fucking cake is canucks themed

lhughes_06: if you don't i will

ynofficial: it's cute you think i'll let myself be blackmailed

fan31: it's impossible for it not to be quinn at this point

liked by ynofficial, trevorzegras and 71,480 others

_quinnhughes: i was told to say 'alexa play cornelia street' as a caption

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bradytkachuk: you're so whipped

liked by _quinnhughes

fan32: this is literally the same place y/n posted in her last post

jackhughes: TAG HER

fan33: jack losing his patience is all of us rn

_quinnhughes went live 3 minutes ago!

liked by ynofficial, _quinnhughes and 89,134 others

jackhughes: because these two IDIOTS are refusing to actually do anything about it, i'm taking the matter into my own hands for my and your mental health. this is ynofficial and _quinnhughes and they are 100% dating and 1000% in love to the point where it actually melts me. thank you and good night

view all comments

lhughes_06: i didn't think you'd ACTUALLY do it

jackhughes: do not underestimate me

_quinnhughes: and then you wonder why luke is y/n's favourite

fan34: WE THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!!!!

liked by jackhughes

ynofficial: i hate you

jackhughes: you wish you did 😘😘 

fan35: i love how y/n and quinn are so private that the only way their relationship would ever get exposed is if someone did it for them

fan36: fr they fit each other so well

fan37: THEY! ARE! PARENTS!

fan38: omg y/n has a harley and a quinn in her life

fan39: HQ makes sense now

[latin-dr-robotnik]

little vent time, ignore me for a sec (or continue, idk)

So, next week is my 25th birthday, and I've been thinking a lot about where I am and where I want to be by the time I turn 30. My birthday will also mark 5 years since I was in a pretty rough spot, coming off a massive romantic disappointment that ended with ghosting on the same day of my birthday, all the while I was struggling big time under college pressure.

5 years ago I snapped and decided I didn't want to deal with shit like that anymore. I slowed down with my career and went ahead to reconnect with other passions and groups. Since then, I began running my Spanish blog, decided I wanted to run this Tumblr blog as a way to give back to the Sonic fandom (and also jumping into old and new fandoms alike), and in general I found myself a lot happier balancing my career with friends all over the world and communities I was participating frequently.

Now, my career is stagnant and I'm a couple of years late to my degree, but I'm working on it and trying to balance that with other projects, while thinking about more projects I can't wait to start as soon as possible. I have a plan and I know making video essays and streaming aren't my long-time solutions, but that's not even the point of this.

This is gonna sound straight out of Ezio's letter to his sister Claudia in Assassin's Creed Revelations, but after that last romantic mess 5 years ago something withered inside me. I could still laugh and love and meet a lot of people, but something had changed in me. I have enjoyed those years of being single and I worked a ton on just being happy myself, but I noticed I never went for something more. Deep down I was still hurt, and while I fixed many aspects of my life, for most of those 5 years it was just me, my little self-indulgent fanfics and lots of daydreams.

Around the start of the pandemic I was beginning to feel this itch of "yeah, I think I'm finally ready to try my luck, to open myself up for a relationship again", of course the pandemic fucked everything up, but in conversations with friends and in Tumblr games with mutuals I brought up how I was emotionally available and didn't have any issues liking people or someone coming up to me. I certainly had my crushes in the last 5 years, but those were always temporal, superficial things and at points I was juggling several feelings around at once, acting charming for the attention, flirting just for the sake of it. I was available, yes, but not taking things seriously.

But after some crazy 5 years, and a week before my birthday reminding me of the one event that hurt me deeply, I... might feel emotionally unavailable once again?

It's weird, I'm not sure of anything, and for a long while I managed to convince myself I should take it like some form of opium I could use to get a quick blast of feelings and move on, kinda like other past experiences... but it creeped up on me, and I found myself feeling things I didn't feel in many years: the longing, that mental barrier keeping me from moving on, that silent pact I made with myself to stop everything going on in my head and wait to see if it happens, that deep fear that leaving myself open like that might be another mistake to add to my long list of past mistakes...

I have a personal roadmap for the next 5 years, cycles I want to close and new ones I want to start, but there's that one piece I still can't figure out whether it should or not be part of my time...

[redrocx]

Live Report the Gazette @ le Bataclan 06/14/19

This was meant to be a three sentence post about my feelings for the live but somehow it took on a life on its own, so have my own, amateurish attempt at a live report 笑 I don't even know where to begin.

Our day (us being the lovely @ino-en-blue and me) started at 7:30am. We got up and got ready to leave for the venue. We left at 8am, and arrived at the venue shortly before 9am. We got our numbers for the queue, which a friend kindly reserved for us. We were 47th and 48th in line for VIP. For the first 3h, we just sat in front of the venue. We met up with @kagefumin and other lovely people. Most of the time we just spent chatting, and eating and playing some card games (which Milo won and I was last at 笑). At around 9am, the tour bus with the staff and the musical equipment arrived. They told us to move away from the venue a bit, so they could get everything inside. One staff member also informed us that the Gazette were not on that bus themselves, but that they would arrive in another one at a later time. (At roughly the same time, Kai posted about his troubles with the cup of coffee on instagram 笑.) We also got to sign one of the banners that some lovely fans had prepared (there were two of those banners floating around for fans to sign, but we only left our signatures on one of them.)

At about 1pm, the French fans organizing everything told us that staff required us to leave our waiting area in front of the venue, since we were getting in the way of the adjacent shops and passersby. We grabbed our stuff, and moved across the street to the nearby park. Thanks to the numbering system, we didn't have to worry about leaving our spot at all, since we would be sorted by numbers again in queue later on.

At the park, we waited some more, met some more people, and pretty much just chatted and rested a bit. I spotted two awesome cosplayers, and was really impressed by their costumes and appearances, and the dedication and efforts they put into creating their cosplays. It was also awesome to see some cosplayers in the flesh. At about 2:30pm we left the park for a while to get some food. When we got back, the organizers informed us that they would hand out glow sticks to everyone to ignite and hold up during the ballads (I think we ignited some of them prematurely by having glow stick battles in line 笑 though it was hard to tell in the sun). Then we got asked to line up outside the park by numbers. Heresy members got the chance to pick up the Heresy exclusive gift, a wristband. Then we got back in line, and at 5pm they started to lead the first VIP groups back to the venue, where we waited some more. We also took a bunch of cute pictures while we were waiting. At 6pm, staff finally started to let us into the venue. Security checked both bags and persons, then let us enter the venue. Inside, we were given the chance to drop our bags off at the cloakroom, and we were handed the VIP gift towels (made of microfiber). At the left side of the entrance room, there were boxes for the members' gifts. Staff told us we had to drop all gifts into the boxes, we were not allowed to hand them to the members personally during the meet & greet. We also got informed that the guys were running late, which is probably one of the reasons why the meet & greet was so rushed. It took place before the actual live, which was kinda meh imo, since that also meant the meeting was going to be rushed and very short. In line, we were told only handshakes were allowed, though I later heard a bunch of fans screwed the rules as usual, and asked for hugs nevertheless.

As said before, the m&g was really rushed, which was kinda disappointing, tbh. It started with Uruha, and all I was really able to do was shake their hands and tell them thank you as they also thanked us. They all looked gorgeous, and they were really sweet and polite. Meeting Uruha and Ruki is already a blur for me, I have to admit, but I think they were smiling politely. Kai and Reita were real sweethearts, they were grinning happily and warmly, and they both took my hand in both of theirs. Last was Aoi. Oh boy. He was... stunningly beautiful. I mean, obviously they all were, but the whole "pictures don't do them justice" felt especially true with him. He was simply breathtaking. Also, even though they were all wearing heavy makeup, to me it seemed like he wasn't wearing as much as the others — or it just looked more natural, idk, I can‘t really describe it. He simply looked incredibly handsome. When he saw me... I swear I could read his thoughts off his face & the look he gave me. It was so obvious it was downright cute. Like, I'm not only only 1,50m (4'11") small, I also look very young (people often estimate my age to be around 12-14). So I KNOW that look that people usually give me. And he had the exact same look on his face, "Omg you're a child, what's a child doing here?!" I just could read his surprise & confusion off his face, so I gave him a half knowing, half awkward smile. At that, his confusion disappeared and he smiled back. RIP me.

We managed to snatch second row, in the center, with Ruki's platform right in front of us and Kai's drum set behind. Staff were setting up the technological equipment and the instruments. Luckily, there wasn't much of a line yet in front of the merch store, so we rushed over there and managed to snatch the stuff we wanted to get (though they accidentally messed up sizes for two of our shirts, and my friend Ino ended up with the S I was looking to get for my shirt and I ended up with an L but oh well, we'll manage). Getting back in line was a bit of a hassle, since I think people thought we were trying to cut in line, when we were just trying to get back to our friends 笑. Then we waited some more while some rock music was playing. I was standing behind some Japanese fans, and the guy was sadly fairly tall, which blocked a big part of my view to the stage. In general, I didn't have much space to move around or even place my feet anywhere to stand properly lol. With this uncomfortable position, I waited amongst my friends some more, and we were growing more and more excited as well as impatient. Some time later, they started to let in General Audience. Then, a staff member came on stage. He asked us whether we were ready to see the Gazette, and the whole room just went nuts. He informed us that taking any pictures or videos during the live was strictly forbidden, and that cellphones mustn't be used. At that, most people applauded, though some people of course booed *rolls eyes*. But as far as I know, most people kept to the rule, we didn't see any phones around the first few rows of the audience at all. Finally, quite on time (as far as I could tell), the lights went off and the live started.

99.999 started playing, and the whole audience lost their shit. During the SE, the guys came on stage one after one, starting by Kai (if I recall correctly). Ruki came in last. Falling started and the audience went completely nuts. Most of the performance is just a blur to me now, and I sadly didn't see much of Uruha or Kai from my position, so I won't be talking about each song individually. At first, I barely could see Ruki and Reita from my gap, but as the live progressed, I ended up in a slightly changed position, which gave me less of a view on Ruki but therefore I had Aoi perfectly in sight for the rest of the live. The boys were all in top condition. Ruki's vocals were on point, his screams and growls were to die for. Reita was playful during the entire live, licking his fingers a bunch of times and showing his tongue (similarly to his selfie he posted on Instagram later lol see at the end of the report), or coming to the front of the stage to jam there. Aoi mostly kept in his spot, but he smiled inwardly the whole time. He looked especially happy and proud during the NINTH songs, when the audience went nuts and sang along to them, and I was under the impression it made him really happy how much we responded to their new songs. Ruki made some of his cute little dances, and also touched himself during a few songs (though I couldn't name any of them in hindsight except for Filth in the Beauty), or just tugged at the hem of his purple suit to reveal more of his chest. Overall, he was just being his enthusiastic and dramatic self while performing. They were all extremely on point for most of the live (I only heard someone say Ruki's timing was a bit off during Tomorrow Never Dies and Kai apparently shot him a confused glance, but I myself did not catch that). Sadly, as mentioned before, I barely saw Uruha from my position, and I also focused on Aoi most of the time 笑. I managed to catch a few glimpses of him during some of his solos though, which were absolutely fantastic. I also heard he went down on his knees quite a lot and headbanged often, but I failed to catch any of it.

The first few songs were a blast (I'll post a photo of the setlist down below), though I had difficulties enjoying and focusing on them from time to time since people began to push like crazy from the back, and I had to concentrate quite often on not getting squished. That's why I sadly can‘t say much more to their actual performance onstage (also, the songs involved a lot of headbanging so there was no time to focus on the stage, naturally lol). I did catch Aoi accidentally stepping on the cord of Ruki's microphone, and grinning apologetically before stepping off again. During その声は脆く, people got out their glow sticks and waved them around. Until the first chorus, Aoi was actually sitting down on a stool, I think (at least that's what it looked like from my position). Contrary to what I thought from listening to the song on headphones, they did not actually share the guitar solo, but Uruha performed the solo by himself (which, ngl, I was a bit disappointed about). He did a great job at the solo though! I still would've loved and died if they had shared the solo and switched in between the way it also sounds like if you listen to the song via headphones. I was ecstatic that they played Dogma, and during VORTEX and The Suicide Circus, the audience sang along wholeheartedly (e.g., the 'tick tock' part was sung solely by the audience). During one of the songs (sadly I don't remember which it was, might've been UGLY or Tomorrow Never Dies) when they were firing up the audience, Ruki actually walked along the edge of the stage and held out the microphone to the audience to catch and amplify our shouts. He also gave some fans high fives during one of the songs (sorry, again, I don't actually remember during which song, everything's already a blur OTL). The last song on the main list they played was Filth in the Beauty. Afterwards, they left the stage, and Kai came up to the front of the stage and we cheered on him as loudly as we could.

Between songs, Ruki actually spoke some French phrases (like "Bonsoir", "Ça va" and "Nous sommes the Gazette"), which was really cute and adorable! He also made several 'it's so hot' gestures, like fanning himself and sticking his tongue out.

Then we were waiting for the encore, and boy, I did not have any strength left by then. Other people seemed to be the same, and the encore calls came and went in waves like the tide. I think everyone was struggling with their energy reserves by then, and temporarily, I got worried that our encore calls lacked the energy and enthusiasm which would encourage them to come out again. Alas, apparently it was still enough, and they came out again. I was so happy and relieved. Uruha, Kai and Aoi were wearing some of the World Tour shirts (Aoi's tattoo actually peaked out from underneath his sleeve *drools*), Reita and Ruki were still in their costumes. Reita was carrying the French Gazette flag, he showed it to us, then put it on display on Ruki's platform. Aoi brought out another flag, a fan-made one, which had the dates of the live, the Gazette logo and chibi drawings of the members on it. He showed it around and looked so fucking adorably proud as he did so, I can't even put it into words.

When all of them except for Ruki had come out, we started to sing Happy Birthday for Uruha as a late gift. The other members caught up quite quickly, but he himself seemed rather oblivious at first 笑. It wasn't until Reita and Kai pointed it out to him that he understood the song was actually for him. He pointed at himself in surprise, but in the end bowed and thanked us. Kai yelled "Happy Birthday, Uruha!!" into his microphone, then Uruha pointed at Reita and Kai went "Now do it for him", to which Reita shook his head no almost panicky lol. Kai shouted a few phrases in English at us ("Bring it on!" and "You [yes, he made that cute grammatical error, it was endearing] fucking amazing!" are the ones I recall), then, they started to play Inside Beast. Everyone was firing up the audience, and Aoi and Ruki both gestured at us that we weren't loud enough. Aoi even shook his head in disapproval. At one point during the song, Aoi actually blew the audience a kiss *dies*.

Next up was Shiver. Oh boy. I know there's a lot of people who don't particularly like that song, but it is a true blast live. All songs are, of course, but I feel like this is one of the songs the studio version does no justice at all. It was amazing, and Uruha's solo was on point. Aoi's solo though truly hit me, it was beautiful and perfect, and he looked so happy performing it (yes, I know, I'm biased 笑), it made me wish he got to play more solos; he seemed to really liven up during the solo.

People who have been following me for a while know that I'm a hardcore Aoiki shipper. And I fucking can‘t believe it. It actually happened. Right in front of my eyes. During a live that I attended. At one point during Shiver, Ruki walked over to Aoi, and smacked his butt firmly. Aoi grinned. And I died. I screamed so loudly, I think I caused everyone around me to go deaf. I'm so happy that I actually got blessed with Aoiki fanservice the one time I attended a live. What are the odds? (Even in a non-shippy way, it was a true blessing to witness this kind of interaction between the two members I love the most.)

But to make this night truly unforgettable for me, they closed the live with Tomorrow Never Dies. Again, there are a lot of people who greatly dislike the fact that they play this song a lot, but I was extremely happy. There's just something magical, moving and powerful about the feeling of singing "Don't kill yourself" along with Ruki, it touched me greatly. During the song, he walked over to Uruha to rest his arm on his shoulder. Then, he pretended to readjust his guitar strings to which Uruha shot him a "don't you dare mess with her" glance, before Ruki jammed out to the tunes of his guitar. (Side note: Uruki is my second favorite ship, so to get this cute interaction on top was just the fucking cherry on top!) During the song, Ruki grabbed some bottles of water and sprayed us with them (bless him so much omg we truly needed it), then threw the bottles into the audience. At the end of the song, he spew his fountain of water as usual. At one point during the song, Reita went over to Kai's platform to jam out with him, which was adorable af and made me extremely happy. Uruha's solo was killer, and Ruki's a capella part was to die for, as always.

When the song was over, they thanked us, and Aoi, Reita and Uruha threw their remaining picks into the audience. Sadly, Aoi mostly focused on his part of the stage, I would've loved to get one of his picks. But don't be too greedy, right? I was already beyond happy with the things I did get that night. Kai took a picture of the audience from behind his drum set, then walked up and jumped onto Ruki's platform to be properly celebrated like the king he is. He looked truly stunning up close, up on that platform towering above us, while the others left the stage (if I recall correctly, Ruki wrapped himself into the French flag as he thanked us.) Then, Kai left after the others, and the live was officially over.

We pretty much gathered our things, rested a bit on the floor until staff kicked us out lol. A friend went back to the merch store to change their hoodie to a different size, then we collected our stuff from the cloakroom and left the venue. In front of the venue, we met up with some people again, and chatted some more. We said goodbye to people, and rested in front of the tour bus for a while longer. There was a guy selling posters of the live, and another one (I think he was staff) asked us whether we would wait on the band to come out; which apparently was possible and allowed, but it would've taken 2-3 hours of more wait, and since we were tired and exhausted and drenched af, we decided against it. We changed into some dried clothes (we got from the merch store), and eventually made our way to the subway, and home.

There are some extra things I wanna mention but did not know where to put them in the actual report, so I'll just add them here. As mentioned before, the French fans organizing everything and keeping everything in order were doing an amazing job. I wish there was a way to thank them properly. Also, during the live, staff handed bottles of water around and "fed" us with it to keep us hydrated. Twice, the dude poured the water all over my chin, and I actually got some in my nose as well, which was rather unpleasant. But as such, the water was a true blessing. I just had my whole shirt soaked by it, which was why I was freezing once we got out of the venue. The hoodie I managed to snatch from the merch store and changed into helped keep me warm and comfortable though, bless Ruki!

Also, outside the venue after the live there was a girl just giving away some of her popsicles, which was incredibly generous and thoughtful — not all heroes wear capes!

There was a bunch of shoving and squishing going on during the live to the point I barely had a square meter left to stand and move around, and I had to focus a lot of energy and attention into bracing myself against the shoves from behind while simultaneously trying not to get hit by any body parts from the front (I actually took an elbow to the lip LOL as expected). Other than that, the fans were all really polite and some were truly considerate. The guy next to me actually offered to trade places with me so I could see a bit better, which was extremely kind of him.

During one of the closing songs (it was either Filth in the Beauty or Tomorrow Never Dies), some people threw some stuff onstage, sadly. At the time, I couldn't tell what it had been, I only saw something hit the stage, and Ruki look at the floor in both amusement and a bit of weirded out awkwardness. Later on, I heard it had actually been a glow stick and a shirt that had been thrown onstage (and had been aimed at Ruki). Other than that, there were no remarkable (negative) instances. The guys did look really happy, and I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that they were enjoying themselves. Even with the negative things (e.g. the shoving, etc.) I was still having the time of my life. I never pushed my body to and over its limits like that ever before, and the guys were worth every second of it. I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to see them live, and I'm so grateful for what this band has done for any of us, and me in particular, and that they continue to do for us and give us. They deserve the world, and I'm so happy and grateful I got to be part of theirs for one night. They were simply amazing, and it's true that any studio version, and any report or picture doesn't do them any justice. They're so incredibly talented, and they perform with such professionalism yet passion it's awe-inspiring. Even if I could remember more about their musical performances in depth, I wouldn't even know how to put it into words.

I hope I'll get to experience them live again one day.

I was also overjoyed to meet people I had been friends with for a while online irl for the very first time. You are all so damn sweet and I was so happy to meet all of you in person. And to meet such lovely people for the first time (I'd love to tag you all in this, but most of you don't have a tumblr, I think 笑). I hope to also see all of you again one day!

[real-faker]

Ack sorry about sending another pitch question (I know you said something about people sending those) but you mentioned you pitched a show twice, and since I'm a creeper, I read the tags and you said the pitch wasn't how we'd think they'd be; how were they, then, out of curiosity? If I ever pitch a show, in your position, what should I expect? What exactly happened? Sorry for asking all these questions; you've been my inspiration for a while and I hope I can pitch my own show someday!! Thank you

Oh no, that’s fine!  I don’t mind telling my experience with it, and I’ve even given pitching tips before, but this post is about the extent of my knowledge.  (You can also just search my blog for “pitch”, ‘cause I’ve reblogged stuff from other people that actually KNOW what they’re talking about, haha)  I just don’t want people under the impression that I’m super experienced with it, or that I’ve ever pitched to a big deal network or producer.  I absolutely haven’t.  I have exactly 2 pitching experiences.  The first one was a few years ago at an event in Nashville called “Film-Com”, which is an annual trade show/expo event for financing and distributing filmmaking projects.  Basically you get a booth, and you set up in this convention center with all these other aspiring creators (filmmakers, documentary people, a few video game/new media folks, all sorts), and they’ve invited a WHOLE SWATH of producers and industry professionals to come mull around the show floor with you so you can make connections and get your product out there EAT FREE MEALS and then idk, maybe fuckin’ walk around a bit and look at your dumb shitty projects if they fuckin’ feel like it but they probably wont, so what ends up happening is all the creators just walk around and look at each others’ shit, which for me—being the only animator there—means that a bunch of other jack-knobs who have some vague idea for a shitty cartoon end up giving me THEIR card so that maybe in the future I can work on THEIR dumbfuck ideas.ANYWAY, to get to the point, they selected certain projects and scheduled them to actually go up and pitch in front of a whole room full of producers.  This happened over the course of the whole day, so I suspect the reason none of the producers were walking around interacting with people is ‘cause they were stuck in a room all day hearing 30 different suck-ass pitches and when it was all said and done they were probably exhausted.  I was scheduled as the last pitch of the day.  I enter the room and wait patiently; the person before me is running about 10 minutes over their allotted time.  I scan the room… everyone is MISERABLE.  They’re anxious, they’re uninterested, they’re sighing… the main guy who’s sort of monitoring the whole thing is pinching his brow and trying his best to keep up the pretense of politeness in telling the current pitcher to wrap it up.  NONE of these people want to be here anymore.  It seems like everyone’s spent the whole day “warming ‘em up” for me, but now they’re all sweaty and miserable, so I can either go up there and give another mediocre pitch, OR I can go up there and try my goddamn hardest to make them laugh. 

I go up on stage, just IMMEDIATELY force myself to get over any fears I have, and I pitch W2H.  I screen a short mock trailer I made (no way I’d force them to sit through that whole fucking thing), and it’s sort of like a fever dream, because I can see all of the life returning to their faces, they’re WAY into it, I’m doing fucking GREAT somehow, despite literally zero experience… and when it was all said and done, it became abundantly clear that even though they all LOVED it, not a single one of them could help me.  None of them were animation producers.  None of them KNEW animation producers.  One guy suggested I go into comics, because “comics get turned into film and tv shows all the time”.  I just had the PERFECT fucking pitch, and I pitched to people who couldn’t fucking help me.  As I was leaving, many of them came up to me and actually thanked me for sending them off for the day on a good note.  There was a big dinner at like, the fucking Governers’ mansion or something that night, and again, some of them were coming up to me and thanking me, wishing me the best and all that.  I guess if nothing else, I learned what I’m capable of.

The second pitch was an ACTUAL disaster.  When I’d first graduated I thought I could pitch W2H to Frederator, ‘cause it seemed like a good fit.  They told me (understandably) that they couldn’t reverse-engineer a show from something I’d already produced, and also that it was inappropriate (despite having a show at the time called “SuperFuckers”, but whatever; language and subject matter are different things).  Later on I got an email from them, saying that someone in their office was familiar with my work, and they invited me to come pitch them something that wasn’t W2H.  They also said that I was free to swing by their office any time, even “just to hang out”, and that if I had any questions “whether it be pitching or where to get the best burgers in Burbank”, to hit them up.  How friendly!  How perfect!  I was JUST about to move out to L.A., so I started working on this idea tentatively called “Gayliens”.  I swung by their office once, you know, just to pop in, like they said; thought I’d make myself known or whatever.  They looked at me like I was nuts.  They still invited me in and we chatted for a bit about the history of early Disney studios, but when they asked why I was there, and I reminded them about the email they’d sent, they seemed to have no idea what I was talking about.  I told them I was working on a pitch for them and that I’d be in touch so we could schedule something.  When I finally finished putting my pitch together, I went in for a meeting with them.  It was just 2 folks, we were in like a board meeting-type room (which I imagine is probably standard).  They made some small talk with me first, which I’m sure was an attempt to loosen us all up a bit and set the mood, but all of their questions really caught me off guard.  (I guess they asked where I was working, and when I told them I didn’t have a studio job, they asked how I was making money, and I’m sure it wasn’t meant to put me in an awkward position, but people asking me how I make money literally ALWAYS puts me in an awkward position, because my income sources are scattered and weird.  Try explaining how youtube ad revenue works to your social services worker, it’s a blast.) SO okay, I let myself get tripped up a bit.  I go on with the pitch; they don’t really want me to pitch the concept, they just have me show them my storyboards and read through the whole thing.  They’re DEAD silent the whole time.  I can’t get a read on them at all.  When it’s over, they ask me some more questions that trip me up.  Some of them are 100% my fault; they asked for a title, and I wasn’t ready to say “Oh, it’s tentatively called GAYLIENS,” out loud to people who I couldn’t get a read from.  

It’s all kind of a blur, but the few topics of discussion I remember them bringing up were that “the storyboards look almost TOO good”, like it was TOO polished or well-developed (which is sort of a backhanded compliment I guess???), because see, “when they made Adventure Time… blah blah blah it just started off as this loose idea, and once they were a season or so into it, they started expanding on the universe and developing the characters a little bit more…” — AS IF ANYONE doesn’t understand why AT got so popular???  You don’t have to TELL ME, I WAS WATCHING IT, I FUCKING KNOW.  No one gave a shit about AT until they got Rebecca Sugar and all these talented writers working on it a couple seasons in, and doing all this character-heavy shit.  I tried to present them with something that had all that character shit baked into it already, ‘cause I knew they were gonna’ use AT as an example.  But it seemed like they’re not looking for something that’s already developed with it’s own voice or sensibility, they’re looking for a vague idea that they can mold into something as they go.  

They also told me–and I still can’t get over this–that they’re looking for “”””””characters that people will want to cosplay as””””””, which is funny to me for a plethora of reasons; namely that they have no way of knowing that PEOPLE DO COSPLAY AS MY CHARACTERS, but also that I spent half of my time in college working on ridiculous magical girl Adventure Time crossover group cosplays (don’t fuckin’ laugh) like trust me I’m ALARMINGLY familiar with cosplay, and ALSO, that looking for a new property with the guidelines that it should be “the next big thing that some fucking nerds will dress up as at comic con” just seems like such an out-of-touch-but-trying-to-be-hip, capitalize-on your-fandom-doing-all-the-legwork-for-you, fucking executive thing to say.  I know I sound like a whiny art school kid saying that but my animation instructor was so anti-establishment, and I carry a lot of that with me still, and something about that statement–insignificant as it may be–kind of epitomizes how I feel about the industry?  It’s a hard thing to explain. I walked out of that pitch with my mind feeling like TV static.  My friends were waiting for me next door at a bakery and they were super excited, asking me how it went, and I was just like “I mean… BAD, for sure, but I don’t know where to even start.”  Hahaha.  I don’t know.  It just seems like everyone wants to play gatekeeper I guess.  They want This Thing™, but it can’t be too This Thing™.  They want the thing to have A Fandom™, but they don’t really understand fandom ‘cause they don’t participate in fandom.  They want Your Idea™ but they want to make it Their Idea™.  I don’t know.  I’m just angry and bitter and that’s my experience with pitching.  Admittedly some of what went wrong in these pitches was my fault, or there were circumstances beyond my control, and regardless of how that pitch went, I don’t actually dislike Frederator (I’m on their youtube network), and Fred Seibert has actually done a ton of iconic shit.I don’t think I’ve ever AIRED MY GRIEVANCES in such great detail before, but there you have it.  If you want some tips on pitching, you can check out the links I provided at the beginning of the post; there’s tons of people out there who actually know their shit too, and they’d probably give more proactive advice.  I don’t know if this helps at all, but hopefully you can glean something from it!  That’s just my limited experience with it.  Haha.  Good luck!  

[myvelouri]

I got overwhelmed

I may be too sensitive

I was video chatting the gf

It was fine and fun. It was great

But I'll just write the things that actually made me feel overwhelmed negatively that made me ask to be alone. Cause I'm a little close to crying?

So the first thing I guess was when she was talking about a movie and saying she thought the guy was hot and he had a beard. She doesn't like beards. I have a beard dude. So Yeah, she said he was the only guy she thought was cute with a beard. It was no big deal to me, cause we were talking crushes when we were young. Then suddenly she said he had a nice body or something and said she thinks she had a thing for biceps and she said "I want to bite them" as she looked up his pics. I felt like, damn, I wish I had bigger arms and all that.

I mean. Yeah. As a BF, I felt like I'm ... I want to be hottest for her, or like, be what she finds attractive and improve on those qualities

Didn't really feel jealous though

I just felt bad about my own self

Um

She said she likes my beard though and we started talking about tattoos and I said I want one on my chest and back, a small next one and she was like no no no. She hated that. I said why? And she said why would you ruin that? Backs are sexy without it. I said yeah but idk I think tattoos can be sexy tbh

Then she said I have a hairy ass chest and they'd have to shave off my chest hair. I told her my chest isn't even hairy, it's really not. And she told me something that just shocked me. She said actually she's really... Doesn't like my chest hair and is still trying to accept it or deal with it and I've never felt so ugly... That ugly in so long. And I just know most girls love my chest hair... I have more now but a few years ago it used to be perfect, not too long, not too little, not too much. It was great. Everyone loved it. But recently yeah it's gotten more but still, it's not even that hairy.

But she told me like she doesn't like it nor like beards and she was being serious, like, about mine, and she was trying to be nice or something too but it was too late. I just covered my face and tried to not cry? Like. It hurt. I said I didn't know she wasn't physically attracted to me and the girls who like me are always physically really attracted to me first

I can't remember what she said but she was really grossed out by my chest hair... Like.. I just thought of sex and I... I thought omg she was repulsed by me

It makes me want to cry

Why are you dating me????!

Then she suddenly went on Facebook, oh yeah, she showed me her guyfriends beard. And she went off on how she wants to hang out with him and she said I'd eventually meet him. They weren't bad looking dudes. She went off and said how in school she got bored and Drew a dick on him and he drew a vagina on her. She said his beard is actually good. She is a bit on the fence about beards still

She then showed me this pretty girl and she said she was pretty, so I agreed, yeah she was very pretty. And she moved the camera away and said I can't look at her if I think she's pretty. She was joking but kinda not. I saw the BF of the girl and didn't think he was attractive and my GF said "they're such a cute couple, she's cute and he's so cute" and he had glasses that's her type. I said I can't tell if he's cute to be honest. And she goes "oh... Mmmf..." "Oh he's... Mmmmm hahaha" and she's just like... Really... Really showing she thinks he's really hot. She goes "he's sexy. He's super sexy." And we already had this talk about how I'm not allowed to call other girls attractive yet she's going OFF on this guy. He's white with glasses, totally her type. Opposite of me really, like how do you even like me. Oh wait you don't. And anyway she goes "yeah I don't see how any girl wouldnt think he's super cute"

At that point, I was already shutting down. The whole chest hair thing, beard thing, then this guy being hotter than me thing.

And she went off on her Facebook friends and kept going off about her guyfriends and trying to say shit but not saying it and saying things about them and I felt uncomfortable. She's going through each guys page and saying like "yeah I'm gonna message him" cause she hasn't talked to anyone in forever

Um

It got too much. She did this for so long. A lot of these guys were alternative like me

She then told me how they played cards against humanity with them at her house. Which is hard to get into cause her parents have to like them and are extremely strict. I said how'd they get in but I won't? I'm alternative too, and with a beard?

And she said they were together just a year ago

She said the parents have to like you and they might not like me cause of my hair, my beard, my style, my color...

And I felt even more... Inferior... And like I'm not actually fully liked here. And I said, I'm just like your friends though... And she said "yeah but... But you're different" and I said "not really.."

And it just. I wanted to be alone at that point. I got overwhelmed with that because I felt like I'm not good enough, that I'm too abnormal, too gross, too fucked up to be accepted and she even already doesn't like so many things about me, and I felt like how can this ever work, why are we still doing this, you're hurting me so much

I keep being made to feel inferior. I can't.

And yeah fuck it, I felt jealous as fuck with her and going off about her guyfriends and they were all actually attractive and it made me feel so uncomfortable... Some of the shit sounded a lil naive but I don't think so, I think she's fully aware some guys just want to fuck her. But

It doesn't matter

What hurts is everything

I feel singled out

I feel like every other guy she looks at his hotter to her

I don't feel good.

She said she's still trying to get used to my beard?? Really...

It's fine to have preferences, it doesn't matter. Nothing wrong.

I jus feel bad that she's actually chased after me and me thinking she actually thought I was super attractive. God. It makes me feel bad everytime she says she doesn't like this or that about me and or my physical being. Things that I hate about myself are being brought up and I'm being told how she thinks these things aren't pretty either

And it's making me feel so ugly

My self esteem is being torn

Ugh, I did not want to hear her gushing about her guyfriends or other guys.

She doesn't let me do that to her. But

Anyway

I asked to be alone and she said NOOO WHY, and she got actually upset and mad because she thinks she did something. I said no it's okay, I just need to be alone sometimes, I'll tell you when I'm back.

Yeah

I'll tell her. I always do.

I guess

I'm so ugly, I knew it.

I didn't know I had parts of me that were so repulsive

She wants me to shave my chest hair..