#idk the thought came to my head and now im sad

[peetas-left-leg]

Do you think jesus thought he wouldn't have to die at the end? Just like Abraham didn't have to kill his son but he was willing to. Do you think he thought it would be just a test of faith? That he would have to be willing to die, but not die at the end?

[suiana]

The death of an artist

he's always found you beautiful, even in your death and rebirth. you'll always be perfect to him. always

(yandere! musician x gn! reader) (cw: yandere stuff idk, im wiritng this while shitting i hope u enjoy my poopoo core, 2.04k words)

you might not have realised it but your silent admirer had always watched you.

he's watched you from the shadows, observing how you interact with others, how your eyes were once full of light and joy as you shared your paintings for the world to see.

it was beautiful.

you were beautiful.

he was but an aspiring musician back then. a couple of listeners here and there but never enough to fill up a concert hall. meanwhile you were a famous artist, with your paintings selling out for millions at all the art exhibitions you hosted.

you little admirer totally idolized you.

i mean, who wouldn't? all your paintings were so full of life, oh so meaningful, and most importantly, they were made with love.

love, love, love.

it was the one thing that made you stand out from all the hundreds and thousands of artists. the one thing that inspired him to even start writing songs.

your art made him feel loved. it made him feel wanted, even. he remembers how he'd get a fuzzy feeling from all your paintings, how it sent a delightful tingle up his spine as he takes in your carefully crafted masterpieces.

though there weren't any texts, all of your paintings spoke a thousand words. and they spoke to him.

with every new piece you put out, it was like he was getting to know you better. to know you on a personal level. it made his head spin and his heart leap in delight. after all, you were his idol. the one he admired so much that he began to pursue a music career dedicated to you. the career he once left behind in favour of living in this sad world.

though at one point in time, he hit a wall.

he couldn't get any ideas, no fresh inspiration for his music. the musician could only stare at his score as his mind desperately grasps at nothing. he felt like he was dying.

then you came through, like an angel of salvation.

well, looking back, you were more like a demon of salvation. especially because that one single text from you kick-started his disgusting love for you. it feels wrong to call you a demon though, not when you were so holy that he feels like touching you will corrupt your divine light.

he still remembers waking up and seeing your text on his instagram DMs. your bright red notification ping that gave him all the motivation he needed to think of a new idea.

'hey! just wanted to tell u i really enjoy ur music! cant wait to see u get famous >w<'

he swears he could die happy just seeing you message him. you messaged him. you know of his existence??? no fucking way bro. he still wonders if he used up all his luck when you messaged him so innocently that day.

of course... he responded and thus began a friendship (?) between the two of you.

friendship. yeah, maybe for you.

truth be told, he doesn't know if he ever saw you as a friend to begin with. he always thought you messaged him because you were interested in him too. whatever, these small details aren't important.

he released a love song not long after your first interaction with him. it instantly became a viral hit, taking his follower count from the thousands to the millions. he was glad it performed so well on the charts, they were his feelings to you after all.

the now famous musician had to thank you for getting him out of his rut. without you, he'd probably have gone back to doing medicine. so he did the best thing and that was to invite you out for a meal. he had to thank his muse, didn't he?

you were a little hesitant at first. that's okay, if anything he thought it was cute that you were suspicious of him. there will be plenty of time for you to warm up to him later.

the little get-together, or first date as he likes to call it, went well! you two saw each other in real life for the first time! and boy was he smitten. if he was unsure about whether he was in love with you before, he sure as hell was sure now.

you were so much more lovely in real life than you were over text. all smiles and laughs, your admirer feels that his songs didn't do you justice.

"this was fun! let's do this again!"

oh for sure he will do it again. he just wants you all to himself now. to keep you with him, a never-ending source of inspiration for the rest of his life. his beloved muse. the one he writes for. the one his songs are dedicated to. his.

so your falling off played out nicely in his favour. you were trying out an experimental style, said that he inspired you. it was one that not many would be able to understand at first glance, completely different from what your previous one was. your loyal fans stood by your side of course, him included. but the general public eventually started ignoring your newer pieces in favour for something they didn't need to use much thought to understand. for someone fresh, someone new.

he could see the way the light in your eyes slowly started to dim at the lack of interaction. sure, you said that fame wasn't important to you, that all you wanted was to showcase your art to the world.

but your little admirer could tell that it was bothering you more than you'd like to admit.

he saw the way your texts with him grew more erratic, the way the vibrant life in your eyes started to slowly dim, the way you started pushing out more works to compensate for the style change. you were desperate for the attention you once received. the way you changed in real time, becoming a slave to the consumers, like an animated robot that pushed out art just for the sake of it...

it was a little sad to see to be honest. it was like you were there, but you also weren't, you know? your name was on the artwork but he didn't see you in it.

but he was glad things turned out the way it did. it meant that he could be there for you when you cried and felt like a mistake. it meant that he could offer you a shoulder to cry on when the times were really bad.

"there there, it's alright. just let it all out."

his gentle caresses as you cried your heart out into his chest... it was delightful to see you depend on him so much. that you'd come seeking comfort from him in such a dark period of your life. he felt so wanted by you.

meanwhile, his fame was only growing larger by the day. while you were on a path to being forgotten, he was making a name for himself in the music industry. brand deals, billboards, advertisements. he was everywhere, like a ghost haunting you, to remind you that your friend was thriving while you weren't.

the musician wonders whether you've ever hated him. that you'd think he was stealing all of your fame. after all, your fame went down not long after you messaged him. he really wonders whether you've ever blamed him for making a change in your art style.

it doesn't matter now.

the artist in you was gone.

"hey, what if you make me an album cover?"

you only stared at him with dark eyes before looking away. everyone around you had slowly started distancing themselves from you. the change in your personality and looks had scared them. everyone but him had stayed. his words about horrid snakes deceiving you fill your head as you cling to the attention he gave you. who were you to deny your only friend left?

"sure."

you didn't give much thought when designing his new album. it was an avant garde album that had themes about desperation, love, and death.

how ironic, you thought.

you gave the complete piece to him a few days after, heavy bags under your eyes as your friend hugged and kissed your cheek. he's been taking care of you recently. having you move in with him, cooking you food and covering all of your expenses. he treated you like a lover. albeit you found it a bit weird that he told you not to leave without his consent. said that he didn't want people to harass you. you found it sweet of him. you were glad that he cared for you so much.

"my dear artist friend designed my new album cover, yes. i think they were a perfect fit to help design this particular album cover. they're..."

your fame immediately came back. interviews, likes, commissions, the things you were once familiar with came running back at full force after your friend's interview with a big channel.

you think if this happened earlier you'd have caved under the attention. the big spotlight, fans.... the attention will always be intoxicating. even now, you feel yourself smiling at the number of notifications you're receiving from strangers.

but you've realized that their attention is only temporary. the second you grow irrelevant they'll drop you again. just like they did before.

the only one who matters is your friend. the one who whispered sweet nothings and reassured you when you were drowning in a mass of nothingness. the one who gave you the attention you craved.

you immediately started a new piece in a new style.

'Intertwined'

a painting that gave you more fame than what you initially had before. it was a piece about self enlightenment, discovery, and contentment. and some claimed that it was the best painting that you've ever made. a masterpiece.

you showed your friend your work right after you were done and you could've sworn you saw a hint of shock in his eyes. maybe also fear? you don't know.

"this is... beautiful."

his words were slow, gaze intense as he stared at your painting for what felt like hours. you think he was mesmerized. you never asked him.

you made another painting after that.

'final duet'

again, people claimed that it was a masterpiece. your friend looked stunned again and he called it beautiful like always. he told you that he's never seen something so artistically perfect before and that he's proud of you. you like it. his compliments make you happy.

"this one is for you."

you made another piece. a simple painting of him in your style.

'untitled.jpg'

"is... it mine now?"

he proceeded to draw you into the painting as well after your words. you didn't understand what he was doing. but you found it cute. he was drawing you?

"there. now it's perfect."

he smiles down at you before pressing a kiss to your forehead like he always does. you've grown so used to his kisses that you were expecting one already. you lean into his touch before smiling softly.

"i'm so happy with you."

"me too."

the seed of life was sprouting once more, growing around the stem that it's learnt to grow dependent on.

he was everything to you. you feel like you'd die without him. but you know it'll never happen because your dearest friend will always remain by your side. he promised you. his words are like gold. he's the only one who matters.

you never want to be apart ever again.

thus you made your final masterpiece about love and dedication. a flower thriving in a dark environment and growing to love the dark, having died in the shining light once before.

'rebirth'

the blinds to the outside world shut on the two of you. no one else is important. he tells you he loves you. you repeat it. his hands wrap around you as you lean into his cold touch. you're cold too. you used to be warm once, he says he likes you cold better. shutting your eyes, all you focus on is the steady beating of his heart.

now no one will ever bother the two lovers ever again.

[octoberautumnbox]

Orange-Tinted Sunset

Kiss of Life Belle & Male Reader

Categories/warnings: fluff, smut, angst, mentions of alcohol n bein drunk, technically not cheating but also sorta close enough idk u be the :jujj:

Word count: 2.6k

a/n: another prompt fic! based on kiof's Nothing i swear im on hiatus lmao but here it is! thanks to @mintwithchoco for prompt and hosting! as well as @sinswithpleasure for beta and @0cta9on for saying i was good at everything so i crode strove to prove em wrong lmao

~~~

The nightclub spun around you, the alcohol clouding your thinking and doubling your vision. A strange feeling set in–you really were a guppy in a small pond. Whatever roaring applause you got from the crowd after that impromptu karaoke bout was nothing compared to the girl that came next. You can’t even work up the energy to be mad; her voice is the single most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard, flowing through the air and filling up every silence in the world, and it doesn’t help one bit that everyone else thought so too.

Her name, just her name. You wouldn't mind going home with nothing to show for the whole weekend as long as you knew what she was called–you have to know. Against every single ounce of common sense you have left, you walk up to her, calling in every favor from the universe you’ve saved up until this point. “H-hey,” you stumble, clearly more nervous than you should be. 

She turns around, and as her hair settles onto her back, she replies, “Oh, hi. Can I help you?” Her smile lights up your world, and you gain confidence and lose it again just as quickly. She’s gorgeous too, and how could you live with yourself if you fucked up with a girl like this again? 

And you realize you’re staring. “Hi,” you start again, “sorry, I, uhh, you killed it up there. Best I've heard in a while.” Pardon yourself for the understatement; she was exceptional. Stop yourself from saying more; she’s probably already heard everything you want to tell her. 

All she does is giggle in response, and you swear you’re face-to-face with a goddess. You slip, so just fall deeper and remember to blame the alcohol later on, “I mean it. You’re like nothing I’ve heard before. Can I ask for your name?” 

Her face sours almost imperceptibly, but your nerves don’t let you miss it. She holds back a grimace, but ultimately, she replies, “It’s Belle. Sorry, is that all? I have to go soon.” She shifts in her chair, no doubt trying to escape the situation, and it dawns on you you might look worse than you feel. 

“Y-yeah, that’s all. I actually wanted to buy you a drink, maybe. One musician to another. You were amazing.” Your voice holds together for the most part, but it doesn’t change her demeanor. 

“Thank you, it’s just…” she hesitates, breathing deep, “whatever this is, I don’t want to get involved. You’re nice, but I just… I can’t handle anything else right now.” The discomfort leaves her features as a quiet sadness replaces it. You’re no expert, but even a dunce like you could tell she was tired more than anything else. 

“No worries, I respect it. I’ll leave you alone.” It’s strange how you feel the lightheadedness drifting away and your senses coming back, almost like you’ve saved up quite a bit of good karma to ground yourself like this. Debatable, but you still have enough sense in you to offer, “Here’s my number, no hard feelings if you throw it away. I at least wanna buy you some nachos tonight as thanks for that gorgeous song. Good night, Belle,” before paying for them and ultimately heading for the door, above all trying in vain to forget about her. 

~~~

It’s familiar in two ways, being hungover at noon, sitting in a restaurant too fancy for what you’d ever typically be found dead in. On one hand, it reminds you of one of the best days of your life–your beloved sat across from you in a simple floral sundress while you shared a brunch of French toast and orange juice. 

“Thanks for coming out,” Belle said in a tiny voice, “I'm sorry about last night. I want to get to know you better.” She offers you a pancake, and once you accept she deposits it onto your plate, followed by a just-right helping of maple syrup. 

You try to avoid sounding humble, but there’s no other way to put it. “There's not much to know, really. I just came here on a whim. Needed to get away from it all, broaden my horizons. Us singers just gotta, you know? If I didn't, I'd never have found you.” 

“I hear you. I'm here to take a step back too. Things became too much to handle recently,” she relates as she takes careful bites of her cereal. For the first time since last night, you see each other's eyes, and a kindred spirit in you pulls on your heartstrings. It's an unspoken pain that's anything but obvious, and yet you see it in each other as clear as day. 

“Fucking exes, right?” the pair of you say in unison. A hearty laugh escapes both of you, and afterwards the pancakes slide down a bit easier. 

Belle calms herself first, “So you get how I was last night. I'm sorry, none of it was your fault.” You offer her a napkin and pour her another cup of ginseng tea, which she sips with an ethereal sort of grace once she finishes talking.

“Of course. I'm sorry too,” you sigh, picking at your scrambled eggs, “but at least we're recovering. I'm actually itching to write a new song once my hangover clears.”

“Me too, it’s just so freeing to let my feelings out onto songs. Plus all it costs is a pen and paper–much cheaper than therapy,” she agrees.

On the other hand…

~~~

“Blue palm trees?” she giggles. “What does that mean?”

The waves lap idly at your feet, scattering sand over your toes and hers. The calming ocean breeze washes over the both of you and weakly ruffles the paper she easily holds.

“It's called a hook, Belle. It captures the audience's attention, you should know this shit” you jab, drawing out more of her laughter. “Just let me be, okay? I'm the one with the pencil.”

She settles again, “Okay, okay, fine,” and sits back up straight. Another wave washes the sand away from the tops of your feet, dragging them back to the depths of the sea. In a split-second of feeling the grains slide off your skin and away with the water, you feel deep inside that maybe it'll be easier to walk again. 

“You know,” she starts gently, “this isn't too bad. I came here determined to grow stronger, but I don't feel any different–just more of what I was before. And weirdly…” Belle pauses, taking a short glance at you, meeting your eyes.

You can't help it; she's just that beautiful. The orange-tinted sunset behind her offers her a halo of warmth and sincerity, and it captivates your whole being to be able to spend a moment like this again, when the world is just right, especially with her. The waterline reaches up to your soles once more, tickling the both of you and sprinkling new grains between your toes before drawing back and taking the old away. 

“... Weirdly,” you continue for her, “I'm okay with that.” Your eyes never leave hers, and she stays, too. It takes a moment of serenity for you to finally let yourself think that this might be something more, that maybe it wouldn’t be the end of the world to stay with a girl like her. 

It takes a moment of serenity for you, but it seems like forever in an instant. Memories rush back like the ocean soaks the shoreline, swapping old sand with new, but you could never, can never, tell the difference. It's the same grains washing your feet, slipping between your toes, embedding themselves in your life so well that random moments like this bring you to the past when you least expect it. It reminds you of a history you'd give anything to forget: walking on a beach like this with a girl you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with–to an extent, you still do. How could you fuck up with a girl like that?

~~~

It's the worst gamble the both of you could take, and deep inside you knew there was no winning this. You felt it in your bones, from the beach to the elevator up until before you burst through her door with her, but the feeling is gone now, and for sure it’s gone for her too.  

“Mmm, just like that,” she whispers straight into your ear. You swear you’ve never tasted anything as sweet as the sweat on her neck, so much so that you never want your lips to leave her. She pulls you closer as if she could, maybe only decreasingly aware that her back was up against the wall and that even grains of sand couldn’t breathe in the space between you two. 

It takes no time at all, and you find yourself laid back and vulnerable on her mattress. Belle towers over you, straddling to keep you in place, as if you’d go anywhere. In a flash her shirt leaves her, then her shorts, and finally her underwear haphazardly thrown to the floor. Your own clothes follow even less ceremoniously, letting nothing get in the way of the woman of your dreams. 

“Fuck, that’s good…” she says as she lowers herself onto your length. You relish in the feeling of sliding into her, pushing her walls apart all the while lewd confessions spill from her lips. Your hands find her hips and you grip her tight, guiding her up and down as she bounces on your cock, “You’re so fucking tight, Belle…” while she places her hands on your chest to support herself as she takes you inside her over and over again, “I can’t get enough of you… I need you so bad…” losing yourself in her love. 

It’s the simplest thing to grab her wrists like this, to throw her onto the bed and fuck her yourself. She hits the mattress with a quiet thud, and without even a moment of respite you force everything into her again. 

“Gnnhhh, shit, it’s so good, you’re so good…” she gasps and grunts with every thrust like it knocks the air out of her each time. The bed creaks under the two of you: she tries to pull you close again, so you indulge her and meet her where she is to kiss. Amidst your tongues dancing in each other’s mouths, she moans like her life depends on it, “Yes, yes, oh my god, yes–” 

It’s the easiest thing to get lost in a girl like her. She’s perfect in every way you can think of–a smile to die for, a heart to protect, a body to worship. Each moment you bottom out in her, a spark goes off between your lips and hers, and it only pulls you in deeper, pulls you away farther from where you are. There’s nothing else to think about when you’re with a girl like this except her name and the way her body feels on yours. It’s so dreadfully incessant, unceasing in your head, that you thank your lucky stars you’re able to hold back most of your moans: Yuna, Yuna, Yuna, “Yuna…”

~~~

The sun blazes through the window and straight onto your eyelids, jolting you awake. The bed creaks as you bounce slightly on the mattress, your mind rushing to find your bearings, when right beside you, Belle stirs but then promptly falls back asleep. 

A grave sense of guilt overtakes you, clawing from the pit of your stomach all the way up to the back of your throat. There's nothing to say to her, nothing to do, and you know it. How could you fuck up with a girl like this? 

Your phone's alarm rings on a far-off table. Rush over to it, careful but quick so Belle doesn't wake. You knock over an ottoman in the process, but you're able to turn it off in time. Then it hits you: your flight leaves in a couple hours. There's no more time to think–gather your clothes and rush back to your own hotel. 

“Hour and a half,” you think, “more than enough time to repack and go.” Your door crashes open and you heave your suitcase onto the bed, haphazardly throwing everything you own back into it. The zipper disagrees with you for a moment until you finally bend it to your will, albeit threatening its life in the process.

The cabbie drives as fast as he can legally go for you, apparently already knowing the protocol, and people and buildings whizz past in a giant blur. He drops you off soon enough, and with only minutes to spare and the gate calling you over the intercom, you board your plane. The cold of the seat comforts you and calms your nerves, and once the hurried energy leaves your body, all that's left is fatigue that demands to be addressed. 

You scarcely notice the window beside you beyond pulling it shut. The cushions aren't as comfy as your bedding from the night before, but you can't attempt to complain in a state like this. You don't even feel your train of thought slipping away…

~~~

You’ve put it off long enough, the anxiety rending the lining of your stomach. In between your own calls and texts to Yuna you find yourself on the receiving end of the restlessness of your endlessly repeating ringtone and text notifications. You wait another few seconds to make sure she’s done, even tossing your phone onto your old bed to fetch a glass of water, before picking it back up and seeing the same number of messages. It's time. 

hey, where'd you go? Belle, 8:46 AM

it's a nice song, I'll send it over in a bit. call me? Belle, 8:50 AM

I'm at the restaurant again lol come on over Belle, 9:02 AM

you're really gonna make me miss you huh? hahaha Belle, 9:33 AM

*2 missed calls*

this isn't funny. pick up Belle, 10:14 AM

*2 missed calls*

you're serious? so last night was nothing to you? Belle, 11:15 AM

*1 missed call*

wow, what a fucking piece of shit you are Belle, 11:17 AM

*4 missed calls*

is it something i said?  Belle, 2:46 PM

let's just talk Belle, 3:30 PM

*2 missed calls*

just tell me what I did wrong please, I told you I can't handle this Belle, 3:37 PM

*8 missed calls*

don't do this to me Belle, 5:47 PM

*1 missed call*

fine asshole i don’t need you and fuck your song. Belle, 7:15 PM

don’t ever call me. Belle, 8:40 PM

The screen dims under your command. Your phone flies off into the folds of your bed once more, granting you your last moment of control. Belle finally stopped, and Yuna never made herself heard. At least one of you moved on.

You stand in your cold, empty bedroom, in the same dingy apartment you tried leaving behind. The same torn-up pages are scattered across the floor, the same stains on the carpet are there to step around, the same picture framed flipped down to hide the old photograph inside like grains of sand getting swept back up to you no matter how hard you try washing them away.

“It's another bottle tonight,” you decide in no time at all. Pull a cold one from the fridge, ignore the other bottles strewn across the room, take a seat at your desk. The lamp buzzes to life, and another sheet finds itself under your pen. 

They never meet. 

~~~

[jwanniie]

Hello can I request for g!p chaewon x fem reader? Wherein cheawon gets a boner during a concert and reader forces chaewon to hold until they get back home and chaewon fucks reader roughly? Lol idk how this stuff works im new to Tumblr and it's my first time requesting

Im not really satisfied with how this came out but hope you still enjoy it!😔

You came to your girlfriend Chaewons concert that she invited you to, it was a pretty normal concert, fans filling the stadium, music blasting as loud as possible and Members having fun singing and dancing and interacting with their fans. It was your first concert after being In a relationship with Chaewon and you decided to come to her concert to surprise her because when she first invited you you denied not really liking being in very loud places but changed your mind at the end. Once she saw you her eyes widened while a big smile found their way on her face. She came to where you were holding a sign where was a picture of Chaewon, and you decorated it. She walked towards you and interacted with you as a fan, smiling and giving high fives and laughing with you. Through the concert Chaewon came to your section more and even when she wasn’t there she stole glances at you. As the time passed Chaewon had a small tent on her pants, she couldn’t help but get a boner of the thought of you. Chaewon walked one last time to your section giving you a puppy look, she gave you puppy eyes. You quickly understood when you saw the small tent, you just looked at her with wide eyes and told her no, she wanted when the members get a break and before the other half of the concert starts, she would fuck you in some storage room. But you didn’t want to risk getting caught so you denied. Chaewon left your section with a pout and sad eyes, you felt bad but she could have her time with you when you both are home.

The other half of the concert soon started and it ended fast, the members bid their goodbyes to their fans. Fans left fast and now its members time to go home, Chaewon asked if they could drop her at your house, so they did.

Chaewon opened your apartments door with the spare key you gave her, and she left her shoes and jackets before heading to your bedroom.

After you came from the concert, you took a quick shower and just laid in bed, reading your favorite book. When you saw Chaewon in front of your bed you, placed your book at the night stand. “How was the other half of the concert?” Chaewon didn’t bother to answer, she hovered over you and pinned your arms above your head. She was quick to take off your clothing, leaving you naked under her touch. She traced her fingers slowly down all over cheek to your hardened nipples, making you hiss. Seeing your reaction her face mustered a dirty smirk. As much as she wanted to tease you. She still had the boner from the concert.

The sweaty bodies slapping against each other, a squelching sound echoing through the room Chaewon was in the process of ramming your brains out. Her thrusts were rough and deep, making you take and feel every inch of her length.

Her thrusts never stopping, she was pounding into you at an inhuman speed. “C-Chae s-slow down p-please” you sobbed out, your pleas falling to deaf ears. “Nah, can’t do that baby” she responded in the middle of her thrusts. Your abused pussy was too sore, and overstimulated. She made you cum four times and not stopping even after she came. “So close baby hnnggh”she moaned out. She rested her head on the crook of your neck, inhaling your vanilla perfume. The smell itself could make her cum, her seed filled your walls, the warm thick fluid soon started dripping down your thighs after she pulled out, both of you panting heavily.

“Im sorry princess” she mumbled while nibbling on your neck. “It’s ok chae” you reassured her. You gave her a quick kiss before spending the rest of the night in each other’s arms.

[webslingingslasher]

ok this is random but😭

i had a dream the other day and idk why i didn’t tell you sooner bc it’s so you/trouble/us coded but i had a dream where i bit my man’s shoulder (im single) (hypothetical dream man) but i but it OFF and woke up crying like his flesh was in my mouth and there was blood and now i csnt jokingly bite my future bf bc i’m traumatised

oh my god. telling this to bf!peter im-

'wake up.' stiff pokes, your touch is swiped away. 'no.' you poke harsher, peter hisses around a breath. 'wake up.' he pulls towards the edge of his bed, you follow right behind.

'go away, i'm sleeping.'

'that's fine, i just need to tell you something.' peter lets out the most dramatic sigh you've ever heard. 'tell me.'

'i can't bite you anymore.'

two days ago you bit him so hard it left a perfect bruise in the shape of your mouth. when you saw it the next day, you cried and told him how sorry you were, peter said it was fine and it didn't hurt. it was kind of sad, peter had never seen you so guilty before.

'don't tell me you're still crying over that. it was an accident and i promise it doesn't hurt.' you frown, you weren't talking about that but you think that's where the idea came from.

'i just had a dream i bit you and like, i bit your arm off.'

peter rolls over, he's got two perfect arms. 'trust me, trouble. you've got jaws of steel, but they're not that strong.' peter's the one who brought it up, you point at the fading purple.

'i did that.'

'and it's still attached.' peter shakes his arm out, 'see? wanna give it a nibble?'

'no! no more biting. no biting ever again, i can't control myself, obviously.'

'it's a minor flesh wound.'

'for now! what if i gave you a staph infection?'

'you didn't give me a staph infection.'

'how do we know that?'

'because you didn't break the skin, trouble.' you stare at the mark, it haunts you still. your lower lip trembles, you hurt him. 'petey,' it's that broken voice, the one that makes peter feel like a teddy bear, the mix between bringing comfort and a sense of protection.

it's all it takes for him to scoop you into his hold. 'c'mere, give me a hug.' you press against him tight. 'i hurt you.' peter holds his lips to your forehead, you caused damage and he's comforting you.

'minorly. i’ve bruised you before, too. i didn’t beat myself up over it.’ you snort, he didn’t cry but he felt terrible. peter went in a little hard on sex one night, his fingertips bruised little marks into your hips where he held you. the next morning he kissed them over and over while he whispered apologies.

‘liar. you freaked the next morning.’ peter hums, he remembers. ‘of course i did. i bruised my girlfriend the same night i got her.’ you want to squeal, each time he says it feels like you take flight.

‘then you understand why i’m upset. i mortally wounded my boyfriend, the person i love most.’ you gasp, you hadn’t even thought of it like this, but it’s even worse.

you push back to stare into his eyes, your thumb brushes over the purple ring. ‘i hurt spider-man!’ you kiss over the bruise, you can’t believe you hurt your hero like this.

‘i almost bit spider-man’s arm off.’

peter rolls his eyes, ‘no, you almost bit your boyfriends arm off.’

‘spider-man is my boyfriend.’

‘peter was your boyfriend first.’ you hold up a finger, ‘technically- you told me you-‘

‘technically nothing. you’ve known peter for longer, that’s who your boyfriend is.’

you shake your head at him. ‘well, technically-‘ peter flips you to your back, you blink wildly at the sudden movement. ‘technically nothing. spider-man was collateral to get peter to be your boyfriend.’

you raise your eyebrows, peter hides his hands under the warmth of your shirt. ‘baby, i only said yes because i knew i’d be dating spider-man.’

peter pouts sympathetically, ‘i hate to tell you this, trouble. but… spidey is pretty upset about the impending staph infection. peter on the other hand… is strong and brave.’

you agree with him. ‘yeah! you’re the strong one, you can handle your arm being bit off. i mean, i’ll never bite you again, but you could handle it.’

‘trouble, as long as you’re the gnawing my arm off, i’d be fine with it.’ you pout up at him, peter thinks he said the wrong thing again and tries to backtrack.

you stop him. ‘i’m not sad, petey. i’m in love. you’d give an arm for me.’ peter gives you three quick kisses, ‘i’d give you anything.’

you murmur against his lips, ‘like being able to call spider-man my boyfriend?’ peter presses in harshly, you think he might’ve bruised your bottom lip in retaliation.

‘almost anything.’

[yok00k]

coming down

pairing: non-idoloc! x idol!jk

genre: angst

“i always want you when i’m coming down”

sypnosis: although you sleep next to jungkook every single night, it feels like you’re million miles away from him.

wordcount: around 1,000

warning: in 1st pov, it’s a little sad (for me), open ended ending, one sided love, allusion of cheating, oc’s world revolves around jk (don’t be like her)(lowkey im her), toxic relationship, lack of communication

author’s note: this did not go as I initially planned help-_- i was gonna make light jealousy oc/jk drabble idk how I ended up with this. i hope yall sob w/ me or lmk ur thoughts

an absolute ideal.

his performance. the concept. the way he sang his new released songs flawlessly. how smooth his dancing movements were. how the stage composition and development were so sumptuous.

and most importantly, how romantic the live performance was, given the fact that there was an actress involved in the show.

calling Jungkook an amazing artist would be an understatement. He’s creative, unique, and original in his masterpieces. Everything he does, no matter what, is just mesmerizing and astounding. He’s indeed a true performer.

Jungkook dedicated several months to work on his solo album. The time and effort he had put to his work is just admirable. On most days, he stays up late, trying to come up with so many possible ideas and options he can add on his album.

and I was there by his side. I chose to be.

I was there, waiting for him to come home every single night, or usually midnight, in our noiseless living room, wrapped with a thick blanket and loneliness. He would arrive home, but as night by night goes, I was accompanied by nothing but solitude. it feels like it’s taking over me.

I was there, in bad days where Jungkook is focusing on the negatives and having doubts in himself. Days where his standards for himself weren’t being met. both of my shoulders were closely next to him if he needed something to lean into. Reminding him that it’s okay and he’s doing wonderful.

I was there, even in times when he didn't want or need me to be there. times where he just wanted to be by his own with no distraction. but here I am, continuously showing him my undying love and support for him.

I chose to stay there. on nights where he stopped saying “i love you” back before going to dreamland. I hugged him closer as I convinced myself to believe that he just didn’t feel like saying those three words at those moment because of all the stress he undergoes through day to day.

I gave all of myself, I’ve done my part as his other half. Just like how Jungkook produces his works, I poured all my love and time to him, leaving not a thing for myself. It sounds foolish, but that’s just how I love

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

we’re both lying on the massive bed, only inches apart from one another’s body yet it feels like he’s millions of miles away from me as I stare at his cold, broad back that’s facing me.

I’ve got to used to this upsetting scenario at this point but that doesn’t mean it hurt less.

The whole bedroom feels chilly. I’m freezing, solely due to the fact that his warm arms weren’t wrapped around me like they used to be. as i’m not hearing his snores, I know that he’s still awake

“Do you still love me?” I manage to ask out loud and clear, immediately regretting the words that came out of my mouth even though it’s simply an inquiry.

a question that’s been going around my head for quite some time now. a question that i’m afraid to know the answer to because his response might be the response my heart doesn’t wish to hear or else it will shatter into millions of pieces.

my hope for an answer rapidly decreased as seconds went by filled with silence. The absence of noise that surrounded me was deafening; abundantly mocked the emotions I was feeling at the moment, screaming at me that my feelings didn't matter.

It's alright.

I did nothing but wipe the single tear that uncontrollably rolled down my cheek.

it’s stupid. I should’ve just kept it to myself. maybe that would be less embarrassing. less problematic. less painful than I was feeling minutes ago.

I turned my back against his as I accepted my defeat. maybe I’m just tired. maybe drifting to sleep will make me feel okay although I know deep inside that I won’t take the pain away. this is not some type of feeling i’m unfamiliar with to begin with.

I shut my eyes, as I try to put myself to sleep. but in that process, i felt his body moving, turning around, and finally snakes his warm arms around me. a pair of arms, the same ones I longed for so many nights.

“____, why would you ask that?” he giggly asked, sounding like he just heard a silly question. as if i was just being clingy and wanted some piece of his attention.

‘because i don’t feel like you love me anymore’

the man waited for a response, waiting to see if I was just fooling around or that was really genuine. the noiselessness, just like all times, answers the question we both interrogate to each other.

the heavy feelings just got worse, if not heavier. even so when he talks more. “i won’t be laying next to you if i wasn’t.” as if that makes me feel better.

indeed, he’s physically here by my side yet distant. Jungkook is so far off that I’ve lost him. numbness was all I felt as I heard his words. I couldn’t be more content now that I have my answers.

his indirect answer to a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question is enough for me to know where we stand.

I can’t help but to turn my body to face him, just to stare at his doe eyes that I easily get lost in due to the fact that they hold thousands of stars, if not a whole world in them.

regretfully, my eyes should’ve just maintained contact with doe-like eyelids. but rather, they drop their focus on the side of his neck, detecting a foreign lipstick shade that he might have forgotten to wipe off. a shade that will be tattooed in my brain and will forever hate.

Inhale. Exhale. I chose to shrug it off, bringing my attention back to his worn out face.

“I love you” truthfully and whole-heartedly confessed to him once more just like I always do. although this was a little bit different because I don’t expect him to say it back anymore.

and with that in mind, this was also the last night that I will to express my love for him.

[chrisevansonly]

𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: charles leclerc x female reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: life is too heavy to carry, thankfully your boyfriend will carry it with you

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: talks of mental health and suicidal thoughts, mentions of depression, heavy topics so please read at your own discretion

𝐚/𝐧: i’ll be honest this is self indulgent and i know i said i wasn’t writing but idk i feel so low and thought writing about how im feeling might help? ive struggled with mental illness my whole life so i find writing it out in a way i can enjoy helps…i hope it helps others that are in need of it too<3

Life is painful, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, it’s dark and gloomy, heavy and hard to carry, life is painful. Okay well maybe not for everyone but for you it was, and it was draining, exhausting really trying to survive each day instead of living like everyone else. Truth be told you’d struggled with mental illness for as long as you can remember. In high school the suicidal thoughts came into play and you had fallen into a place no one deserved to fall.

You’d hear people tell you to smile, cheer up, get outside and take in the fresh air, but they don’t understand. They don’t get the internal pain one feels when they deal with depression and anxiety, unless you live it: you don’t get it.

So yes, life was painful but there was an ounce of sunshine in your life and it came in the form of Charles, your boyfriend of exactly three years. The man who broke through the storm to bring you blue skies and calm waters, the man who held you tightly as you cried for a break, aching for a moment of peace within yourself. Charles was a gift, you were sure of it: he was too.

“my love…?”

His voice was soft, delicate as it filtered through the dark bedroom, eyes filled with concern as he looked at you huddled under the blankets, almost willing them to swallow you whole

“hmm?”

It might not have been a word but Charles would take it

“can I get you anything? do you need something?”

The room fell silent again except for the sound of covers shifting, your head peaking over the duvet

“y-you please”

Hearing your voice break was enough for Charles to promptly move from his place in the doorway, lifting up the covers on his side of the bed before settling down and pulling you into his side, letting you virtually melt against him

“okay, okay i’m here, it’s okay amour..”

“it-it hurts”

“i know baby, i know it does…but it will only hurt for a little, i promise you.”

You wanted to believe him, you really did, but how many years would you have to suffer before it truly felt like you would never know how to feel okay.

“it’s hard to be here”

Now this caught Charles attention right away, having known your past with depression and even suicidal thoughts, he felt his blood run cold at the thought of you being anywhere than right here with him

“listen to me baby, i know it hurts, i know it’s hard, but i promise you i will help you find your sunshine, i will help you find your happiness”

He paused shifting to rest a hand on your cheek, his thumb swiping at a stray tear on your cheek

“i love you with everything in me, and i will do whatever i can to help you through this, if you need me to carry more of the weight, let me, if you need a shoulder to lean on more than usual, do it. you are my entire world baby, i won’t ever leave you out in the dark to take this on all on your own..”

Letting out a soft sniffle you looked up at him, always appreciating just how much love he held for you in his eyes alone

“why, i-i’m so sad a-all the time”

“because i love you. it doesn’t matter if your angry, happy, sad it’s part of you, i love all of you no matter what, and i am not going anywhere”

Charles leaned forward, pressing his lips to your forehead letting you have a minute to just digest everything he was saying

“pinky promise?” you asked softly, holding your pinky finger out which brought a soft smile to his face

“pinky promise baby, always.”

Nothing else needed to be said as you curled yourself further into his side, his arms only tightening on you, as if to keep you from slipping away from him. Charles knew words only helped so much, but he was willing to do whatever it took to bring you blue skies back. Even if it took days or weeks, even months, Charles was going to be right beside you, every step of the way.

Life might be painful, but you never had to go through it alone again.

[iitsarss]

╰ㅤ₊ㅤ๋࣭ㅤreader x gr13f3r　 sorry　᠀

ꔛ word count: 684⠀╱⠀unestablished relationship + player reader 。

(¬_¬")⠀⠀⠀note,more on the end ⠀╱⠀tw: mention of sword + violence (MENTION!!)

hi guys my name is ars and today i came back with the milk!! i love this stupid dude sm im not joking i want him so bad...this is...angst...kinda....,,anyways sighh if i had this guy in front of me i would do things i cant say out loud(worship himgrrr) inspired by this song(idk how to put the little one sorryyyy :( )

The Venomshank in his hand was slipping as Griefer stared at you, a whirlwind of emotions crashing through him. How could he even think about doing this? Was he completely out of his mind? Maybe. Maybe his dad was right when he told him to stop everything just minutes before. Stop the chaos. Stop all of this.

Griefer couldn’t tear his eyes away from you. You looked absolutely stunning, even with a sword pointed at his throat. Strange, wasn’t it? How he could find beauty in this moment of tension and heartbreak.

Finally, the Venomshank clattered to the floor, the sound hollow as it echoed in the room, just as the tears started to form in his eyes. He was a jerk, wasn’t he? He had to be. The look in your eyes—it was different now. The first time he saw you, there was something there. Strength, maybe? Bravery? He couldn’t quite put his finger on it back then. But now? Now your eyes were filled with pity, with sadness. And it killed him inside. 

Maybe it was because those butterflies he felt in his stomach the first time he laid eyes on you weren’t just in his head. He had tried to tell himself it was the voices whispering in his mind, telling him to destroy everything—to destroy you. Break your bones, break your spirit, break you entirely. But could he? He didn’t think he could. No, not anymore. Not with these unfamiliar emotions flooding through him. His sword lay forgotten on the ground, and soon enough, he was on his knees too, crumbling in front of you, lost in the depth of your eyes. He sobbed, and it was pathetic—he felt pathetic.

Still, he crawled toward you, his movements slow, almost hesitant. His trembling hands reached out, grabbing hold of your clothes like a lifeline. His fingers clutched the fabric, his tears soaking through as he began to cry even harder.

"I’M S0RR7… I’M S0RR7…"

Griefer’s voice broke as he repeated the words over and over like a broken record. He wanted to apologize for everything he had done, for all the pain he caused. You deserved that much. His tears soaked into your clothes, and he didn’t even notice when you slowly got down on your knees and wrapped your arms around him. 

He cried harder, burying his face in your neck, his hands still clutching at you as if he were afraid you’d disappear. 

"I'M S0RR7… F0R EVE7YTH1NG… I’M S0RR7, I’M S0RR7…"

But something in him began to calm down as your hands moved through his hair, gently stroking it, soothing him. You whispered that it was alright, and though he wasn’t sure if he could believe it, with you telling him so gently, he started to think—maybe it really was. His heart felt strange, warm in a way that was foreign to him.

When you gently pulled back to look at him, he tried to hide his face in embarrassment, but you wouldn’t let him. You took his cheeks in your hands and gazed into his eyes. And just like that, the pity he feared seeing wasn’t there. Instead, it was something warm, something tender that he didn’t fully understand.

…

When it was all over—after so much crying from both him and his dad—you were preparing to leave, taking the Venomshank with you. Griefer watched you as you moved toward the door, your back to him. He wasn’t sure why, but something inside him panicked at the thought of you walking away. 

Summoning the last bit of courage he had, he moved toward you and gently took your hand. When you turned to face him, the sunlight spilling in through the window made you look almost ethereal, more radiant than ever in his eyes. 

"S0RR7," he whispered one more time, his voice soft but sincere.

You comforted him again, offering a few more words of reassurance. He stood there, staring at you as if you were the light itself, realizing that no matter how bright the sun was, it couldn’t compare to the way you made him feel.

kisses him anyways!! uh this is shit tbh but yeah i love him a lot

[yujinslovr]

CW: humiliation, toxic relationship, cheating, lmk if there’s anything else!

gp!womanizer kkura??? saw that one clip of her saying “it’s so fun to excite girls” and i can’t get that shit outta my head and her saying she’s kissed so many girls she doesn’t feel anything anymore???? I NEED HER

ughhh she wld totally be the type to like fuck you to get herself off and if you cum along the way then good for you. SKDKSKSK SHE’D BE SO TOXIC OMG

“idk why you’re being so possessive over me? if you’re not doing a good enough job on pleasing me then i should be able to find pleasure elsewhere.”

URGH HER HOLDING THIS ABOVE YOUR HEAD TO FORCE YOU INTO ACTING OUT HER WEIRD KINKS@;$@(&

“c’mon baby, for me?”

forcing you to go out in public with a fucking dog collar on reading ‘sakura’s property’😵‍💫😵‍💫 STOP OMG PULLING AT IT WHILE YELLING AT YOU IN PUBLIC(&((!&;;4839;;

“you’re nothing more than a toy for my pleasure, you’re lucky i’m even with you right now. i have so many girls i cld be fucking instead of wasting my time with you”

NO IM ACTUALLY GOING INSANE HOLY SHIT shes the type to not give two shits about how you feel. you’re sad? not her problem. only time she pays attention to you is when she wants to fuck you. you doing whatever she wants just so that she won’t cheat, bcz you js love her sm and can’t seem to accept shes toxic and bad for you.

OKAY BUT LIKE WHAT IF SHE WS THE BEST GF EVER WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED DATING???? like no joke flowers daily, good morning and goodnight texts also daily. like that being the reason you’re still with her and why you always listen to her. hoping that she changes BUT SHE NEVER DOES($@;!(;!:

no and not only her personality, the sex too, it was too good to ever let go of. she didn’t even have to try to get you off for you to be seeing stars🤭🤭🤭 shes js that good at it. URGHH SHED BE INSANE WITH HUMILIATION OMFG

“hm? what happened? i thought you were mad right? so mad started moaning my name and came ‘round my cock?”

not even being able to respond due to the embarrassment you were feeling :((( you were so upset, she came back with hickeys you definitely did not give and smelling different from what she usually smelled like. you hating your body for reacting to her like this. you hated yourself for the moans of pleasure that would leave your throat.

OMG EVERYTIME YOU TRY TO BREAK UP W HER SHE FUCKS YOU OUTTA MAKING THAT DECISION!?&(&(&$(

“such a fucking slut for my cock, you wouldn’t be able to last a day without being stuffed full of it”

in the end you could never seem to leave her, just hope for your old kkura to come back:(((

[the-s1lly-corner]

I got an idea from the child reader request.

Like the same wolf in sheep's clothing concept but like FULL SWEET TO DARK PERSONALITY.

Wanna hear?

So basically child reader is like cute and innocent at first sight but IS A TOTAL DEMON, Having a very dark sense of humor, Sometimes out of nowhere walk up to someone of the gang and threaten to gouge out their eyes while they sleep, they are always with an cute expression but turns out that they like to cause chaos and havoc just like Jax but in a more creepy way.

For example, SOMEHOW reader is caught hanging from the ceilling scaring the fuck out of gangle just because its fun. Or staying in the dark waiting for someone so they can jumpscare them.

Basically child reader uses their cute-kid as an advantage to scare others off.

TADC x child!reader who is a menace! (platonic)

wasnt quite sure what to title this so!! some segments may be shorter than others since im still trying to get a hand of writing/coming up with ideas for certain characters (cough cough gangle) (i love her sm but shes so hard for me to write idk why) hope you enjoy! majority of this post is just me tormenting the cast TToTT

CAINE:

oh my god you kind of remind him of bubble but more... flkmddlvm

makes a time out rule when you keep making threats to the other circus members, that behavior is not family friendly!

he might even consider trying to go into the code and censoring your common phrases as well as some other words, if he has the capabilities for that

still tries to be a dad to you, though, wants to be a good role model and guide you in the right direction for the sake of everyone else

the first time you say something... morbid to him he just

slack jawed, stares at you before shaking himself back to reality and just

bro is astonished he was not ready to hear that today, let alone hear it from a small child

POMNI:

you know how in the other post with a child!reader i mention that pomni is vaguely uncomfortable around kids since she knows they can dish out some real cruelty

take this idea and multiply it by 10x

actually looks like that one sad spongebob meme with the big eyes and tear when shes put in charge of keeping an eye on you during an in house adventure

meek attempt to get you to behave

not much to say here imo, since its like an amped up version of the last post :O

JAX:

makes a joke about how youre already entering your edgy phase, he now has to watch his back lest some of his digital fur be shaved off

fear does not come close to describing how he feels when he discovers that you somehow found keys to some peoples rooms. he hopes you dont have a key to his room

and he thought he was hot shit, but no some random kid makes him fear the consequences of his actions

is this his punishment for his constant bullshit? what did he do in particular to deserve this?

instinctively looks up at the ceiling when he enters a room to make sure youre not about to drop on him

congrats, youve instilled fear into the funny rabbit

RAGATHA:

the 'nightmare kid' thing some babysitters go through at least once in their life, but instead of tantrums and such its just you talking about how you sometimes tear apart the dolls that came with your room. to the doll person

very uncomfortable by a lot of the stuff you casually say, even more so because its coming from a kid. though i think she would be uncomfortably be talk like that in general

SWEARS that one day shes going to blink and youll suddenly be right next to her or within her proximity

like on one hand she wants to try to guide you to be less dark, like caine, but i think she would need someone to back her up because she cannot get the image of the torn up dolls out of her head

KINGER:

poor man

like even if the things you said were empty threats, he would be scared shitless

if he isnt already in his fort, hes retreating to it the second he sees you around

kind of funny since kinger is in his late late 40s and youre a kid and hes terrified of you

anyways

less of a discomfort thing and more so scared that youre going to go through with the things you say

he walked into the common area one day and saw you literally crawling across the walls, he was with gangle when he saw it. you see his irises of his eyes shrink

doesnt even bother going to his fort, which is under where you currently are

he just

slowly

backs away, he can find refuge in his room... unless you have a key to his room

ZOOBLE:

less discomfort more annoyance with zooble, i think that while she would find it funny when a kid swears she finds people talking like that to be cringe; kid or not

the only one who isnt really scared of you. sure you threaten to disassemble them constantly and hide their pieces across the grounds to assure they can never be whole again, but they're just internally cringing while you try to make them turn away

in a weird way you two create an odd dynamic where you just go on and zooble just halfway listens, you kinda just talk at them

like while caine tries to be your dad, and ragatha tries to be.. something.. zooble is like a weird 'friend'

probably has the most potential to become a friend and get you to chill, but thats just based on my experience

like if its an attention/reaction thing, zooble isnt going to give it to you, which kind of. ruins the point of it for you, and you just

stop, or at least tone it down over time

or maybe thats just me seeing zooble having the potential to be an older sibling figure

GANGLE:

the gif is gangle when you get your hands on her

i understand that she cries easily, but like, you have probably made her cry at least once either on accident or on purpose

i think shes one of the few characters out of the cast who would probably start avoiding you for the sake of her emotional state, but she would feel bad about it since at the end of the day you're a kid

refuses to go anywhere near you when her comedy mask is broken, because otherwise shes a glum mess

you know how in poppee the performer, kedamono's mask sometimes just. pops off when he gets scared or surprised (well it happens regardless of expression/mood but yk)

gangle does that when she sees you LITERALLY CRAWLING ON THE WALLS LIKE A BUG

how are you even doing that

she doesnt wanna know, actually

"imma tie you up double knotted style" *high pitched crying*

[holly-here]

Im here to make a request my friend 😌

Idk if you do angst or not but ill request anyway, if you dont write angst then thats fine! You can ignore this!

So, how about a little thing where fem reader is dating Hyunjin but she spends so much time with Felix that Jinnie starts to think that she's cheating on him. He confronts Felix and they get into a fight....

(But then later he finds out that they're cousins or siblings or something and gets super embarrassed)

Take your time and feel free to ignore!!<3

Ooooooo I'll try! But be aware that this is my first time writing on Tumblr so this might not be as good as other stories :) (and I need feedback pls)

Angry

Hyunjin x f!reader x fam member!Felix

CW: cuss words, angst-ish, established relationship, kissing (lmk if I missed smth)

Summary: You started to spend much time with Felix, your cousin and childhood best friend, which made your boyfriend Hyunjin think you're cheating on him.

Two months.

Two months of "and then Felix said..." "Felix and I..." "Look, me and Felix..." And it was really getting to Hyunjin. Who was that Felix you were always talking about - more so, how was he connected to you? You never mentioned having an Aussie friend or Family from Australia, so he must be... No, you wouldn't do that. You wouldn't cheat on him. Right?

Upon arriving home, he finds you're alone, lying on the couch and rewatching some kid's movies. "Hey love" he greets, bending over the headrest of the couch and giving you a peck on the head. "Hey babe" you say back, simultaneously struggling to get out of the burrito you turned yourself into with the blanket to greet him properly. Having successfully gotten the blanket off you, you go to hug him. He did hug back, but it felt like it's forced. "Please don't hug me." He spoke, and it confused you. Had you done something wrong? Was there something bothering him? "Is... Is something wrong?" You ask, backing off.

For a moment, he contemplates if he should tell you. Thinking of the right words to express what exactly he means, because sometimes you guys got into stupid arguments over misunderstandings and he wanted you to get his point, he told:

"I think so, yes. You spent so much time with that Felix dude and I feel like you forgot me! Like, I'm your boyfriend, you're supposed to spend your time with me and not some other dude! And I tried to be patient with you but It really pisses me off! It's been two months! Eight weeks! And in those weeks I had you to myself like 3 hours each day, sleeping excluded! I fucking miss you and you're just out and about with some stupid hookup you failed to hide!"

With each word, he turned more and more angry. I mean, could he be blamed? He kept it all to himself, all the frustration about rarely ever seeing you, the frustration and jealousy of you always talking about that other boy, the sadness that you seemingly forgot about you guys relationship.

You were surprised by his mad attack. Had you really failed to tell him that Felix was someone you grew up with? Oh right, you hadn't even told him you'd lived in Australia.

"Listen, Hyunjin I can expl-"

"NO! You're just some damn whore! Am I not enough??" And with that, he stormed off.

When he came back, first thing he did was apologize. "I'm sorry my love, I really just thought Felix was a fling you had or something.." "It's okay Jinnie, I get it. Just let me explain next time, yeah?" He hummed in response and looked at you with puppy eyes, which meant he wanted hugs and/or kisses, and you were happy to give him both. "Now, let's get those cupcakes and their frosting going, shall we?"

~~~~~~~

Taglist: @mythicmochi @tr-mha-fan @pretty-blkgirl

[yeahspider]

genesis 🫀

Ve's note - what started as a jisung drabble turned into a minsung x reader drabble bc idk im feeling them heavy at the moment . sfw kinda but there is mentions of weed . barely proofread bc im lazy . feel free to request a pt. 2 in my inbox if enough people want it ill publish it . anyways , enjoy my bees !! <3

stress was all that was on jisung's mind at the moment . midterms were coming up and he was not even close to being prepared . being a music major was all fun and games until it came to completing those genral ed classes . jisung was so not looking forward to the long walk from the campus library . well actually the walk wasnt what bothered him, it was his roommate , although he would never complain outloud he knew his roommate didnt appreciate his late night study sessions. jisung was never able to stay focused, instead opting out of stdying to draft out songs on his guitar into the early hours of the morning. he never felt like he was as loud as his roommate made him feel but he didn't necessarily feel like dealing with that tonight.so with a huff he decided to retreat to his safe haven , his friend minho's dorm .

Minho and Jisung met on the second day of freshman year, with minho being a dance major and jisung and jisung music they naturally fell into step with one another . Although jisung had distanced himself a bit as of late with the realization that not only did he have feelings for his minho, but also you, his best friend's girl . Jisung couldn't stand being around you both it always sent his heart into a stir. He was never good with feelings and now having ti deal with confusing emotions for not one but two people was just too much to think about .

Knocking on minho's door he said a silent prayer that you weren't there but quickly recanted it when he realized he really did miss you . Just ti his luck, or misfortune, he couldn't quite tell yet you opened the door with a smile so bright he felt his heart fall to the soles of his feet . you welcomed him ibto the room which jisung only now recognized was filled with smoke and a familiar scent that always clung to you and minho . a smell that brought jisung more comfort that he could ever come to understand.

sitting on the couch was a very silent minho , rolling up a joint in a pink wrap, your favorite. he barely glanced at jisung, opting to nodding in his direction in acknowledgement. jisung felt his heart sink for the second time tonight, minho was mad at him, he could tell . if you noticed the tense feelings between the two men you didnt mention it as you grabbed jisung and made him sit down beside minho as you sat on the floor in front of them.

'where have you been sungie ? we've missed you ." you said as you looked up at him eyes big in mock sadness, a playful pout on your lip. jisung almost flinched at the implication that you and minho missed him . fear shit through him at the thought of y'all finding out his feelings for the both of you. he mumbled out an excuse about midterms and how he he's been busy preparing, an excuse which you simply clicked your tongue at.

minho, who still hadnt said a word brought the blunt to his lips and licked it to seal it shut . jisung watched as his tongue glided across the wrapping. sending a spiral of thoughts into his head. Minho brought the blunt to his lips as you pulled a lighter out from your bra and lit the opposite end. holding eye contact with him until you broke it to look at jisung . who was frozen, feeling like he was watching an intimate moment he had no right to be a part of . meeting your eyes, he quickly shifted opting to look around the room instead . he was starting to regret coming over here, he wasn't nowhere near ready to face the two of you . minho took another drag, fixing his stare on jisung who squirmed under his gaze .

"youve been avoiding us . why?" a simple question that afforded a simple answer, an answer jisung did not have the spine to give . he watched as you climbed into minho's lap sideways, angling your body to face jisung . you took a hit of the blunt, blowing the smoke in his face with a playful giggle .

"you want us don't you sungie?" another simple question that floored jisung . minho pinched your thigh in warning, not wanting to overwhelm the boy nut also enjoying watching jisung's eyes go wide at the accusation. you ignored the warning from your boyfriend and made your way til your face was inches away from the frozen boy . "relax its okay" you said as you prompted him to open his mouth . jisung shot a look to minho who only nodded in approval, interested to see where this was going .

minho was already sure of his feelings for both of you having already thought of you two as his partners it never occured to him jisung would need any confirmation on his feelings until a conversation he had with you . you encouraged minho to talk with jisung but then jisung stopped answering his texts and avoiding the pair of you . minho was brought from his thoughts when a whine left your mouth .

'don't look at him , look at me ." you said with a pout . earning another pinch from minho, he would deal with your brattiness later but he wouldn't admit that it didn't stir something in him to see you take up a dominate role with jisung.

you tapped your finger against hi s cheek and he finally listened opening his mouth slightly as you took another drag and leaned in . jisung wasn't even sure if his heart was still workung as you exhaled the smoke past his lips . inhaling and exhaling as you rubbed your thumb on his cheek in a soothing matter. once the smoke dissipated you inched even closer to jisung .

"don't worry sungie we want you too " you whispered as you crashed your lips on his . for once in his life jisung didn't hesitate and immediately returned your kiss with more passion than he knew he was capable of. reaching his hands to tangle into your hair, neither you wanted to break for air only breaking apart when minho gripped your hips and pulled you back. jisung was a mess, lips swollen and pink he was dazed . you were in no better state, whining as your kiss had been interrupted .

"quit whining you've had your fun its my turn now." minho said as he swept in to capture the recovering boys lips . at this point jisung's brain was turned to mush. caught under the spell that was minho and you . jisung felt a hand creep up his throat as minho gently squeezed, causing a moan to slip from the younger boy. guiding him to lay no his back as you removed his books off the couch.

" you won't be needing these tonight." you said with a laugh as you tgged on minho's hair to bring him into a kiss . between the two of you jisung wasn't sure who was more trouble, but he was more than willing to find out .

[zandlikething]

WARNING BIG SPOILERS FOR QSMP BAD POV AND A LITTLE BIT OF PHIL POV ALSO JUST A LOT OF RAMBLING READ AT YOUR OWN RISK BECAUSE WOOO BOY THERE A LOT AND IM NOT EVEN DONE YET

I have so many thoughts on Bad's last stream the fact like OMG my heart QSMP needs to pay for all of our therapy

I'll probably do another post because holy crap there is a lot that happened today

I thought it was sweet Dapper and Pomme went to qPhil first because Dapper said they know he has concretions to some kind of goddess of death obviously referring to Kristin but I still am not sure if she is actually canons but it was a cute reference and it's nice to know that Phil has lots of tickets if they need cookies this week.

But also like Damn Phil cannot get a break first Tubbo now Bad I swear soon all the eggs will be ophans /j

Also apparently Taulluah is seeing the ghost of the eggs that died and one more. Idk if it's also an egg or something/someone else but if it's an egg I think it's either: 1. A-1 the egg that evil quackity was testing and died or Hope.

For those who don't remember Hope was an egg in a different orphanage than the original eggs that Cellbit found a while ago. The egg left a diary of their time in the orphanage. No one came for the egg and died but told that whoever is reading their book should not be sad for them. That's all I remember I'd have to go back and look to see what else I can find.

ANYWAYS Yeah so Taulluah sees ghosts now that are sad for some reason and she doesn't know why and Bad is missing and also presumably dead or a ghost? Because as we were following Dapper and Pomme on Bad's stream the thing would have reactions a lot of like what Bad would have. Like nodding and shaking his head or rolling his head for rolling his eyes. It all just felt very Bad like.

Also he was very against using any spells of stuff to block spirits so I think it might be Bad somehow looking out for them but not able to talk or interact with them for some reason.

I know these are a lot of signs at once but I find it very sweet that Dapper despite everything is trying to keep a positive view of everything and trying to cheer Pomme up.

I love how this is the plan they come up with to get Bad back lol 😆 I'm sure they'll come up with a real plan but who knows this could maybe work

Dapper and Pomme did this a lot and I love it. Them just leaning their heads together silently telling the other it's ok we are together aggghhh it is so sweet. And the fact that they did it multiple times I imagine just reassuring the other and themselves that they are there.

This was so pretty and nice just Dapper and Pomme watching the sunset (07 Bobby) together going over memories

Talking about their dead siblings and Max saying they should build a new place for them to remember them and wish them a Happy birthday every month

I didn't get screenshots of it but Dapper telling Pomme that all of their past siblings would have loved her with how sweet Tiln was and how good it was to be around Flippa, how Trump would have loved picking flowers with her and how Bobby would have loved doing pvp with Pomme :,) like bro I am literally tearing up

I am going to make a part two because tumbler is at its limit of how many screenshots I can show because guess what there is more heartwarming and heartbreaking stuff I need to talk and show

[kumezyzo]

this is streamer! reader announcing their relationship with bf!sapnap. based on this ask btw (stan 🐬 anon)

enjoy.... or dont! :) m.list

when you posted the video, no one knew what to expect when it came to the content of the video. the thumbnail was of you looking sad with the title 'lets talk'. most people assumed it was you calling someone out or adressing a drama no one knew you were a part of.

the video started off with silence for a few seconds, only the sound of your breathing sounding through the room. then you spoke, "Um... so, ive been meaning to adress this for a while and um... its gonna be really hard for me, i guess."

you take a deep breath and look down at your hands for a moment, "its taken a lot for me to get comfortable on this platform and even with my fanbase. so for me to be able to share such important information with all of you, it is going to be very hard..."

for a second, a smile almost appears on your face but you cover by licking your lips. you look off to the side, off camera, for a second and purse your lips, amusement flashing behind your eyes.

soon, sapnaps head appears in frame and you look straight into the camera. with as straight of an expression before it breaks with you snorting.

theres a small cut in the video, you have seemingly composed yourself before laughing again.

another cut, both of you composed before a smile creeps up on you face and you burst out laughing. this time, sapnap joins you.

"im never gonna get this," you say sitting up straight and shaking your head. "fuck me, this is bad."

"i have."

you turn to sapnap with wide eyes and turn back to the camera, "okay, whatever, we're dating!"

"youre just gonna tell them like that?"

"yea, why not?" you shrug. "yea, so we've been dating for like, a few months now."

the video hadnt even been out for even an hour before it started trending. people were freaking out and retweeting the link. others were ranting about how it wasnt fair. even other creators were freaking out and tweeting about it.

"um, yea thats basically it," you said, causing a chuckle from your boyfriend.

"we should do a q&a," he said looking down at you.

you looked up at him as you thought the idea over quickly, "maybe.... maybe I'll make like an instagram story question thing."

"yea, you make one and I'll make one too," he said nodding and reaching for his waterbottle on your desk.

"okay, so we'll do a q&a soon. answer shit, i guess. but for now, this is it, right?"

the video ended with your usual outro, but this time, sapnap doing it for you (😭🥺😫). after that, a small compilation of you messing up the intro and him laughing at you from the corner of the room.

"um.... this is a hard video for me to-" your laughter sounding through the room caused sapnap to start laughing along side you.

"come on, you got this!"

"I know!"

and

"...its been hard to get used to have people support me while having all eyes on me.... cause im just amazing and wonderful and everyone loves me-"

"shut the fuck up," sapnap said laughing out loud.

"im sorry it was too easy," you said throwing your head back as you tried to catch your breath from laughing.

kinda rushed. kinda ass. yea sorry. much love. send asks, comment, reblog idk. do all the stuffs -Nony

[uh-niran-really]

I'm back again..i swear i fill up your asks box too much! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) Forgive me 😔🙏

But i would like a fem reader x lw fic please 🛐

An almost break up scenario where reader gets tired of niran always being too busy to hang out with her but seemingly always have time for satya and is super flirty with her(reader knows hes flirty but she thinks its different whenever he says it to satya)

Niran begging for her to stay bc idk im sick and twisted like that 😭🙏

Fluffy-lemony ending pls where she gives him another chance and he takes her out on a super lovely date that ends with a steamy make out sesh in his car🤭🤭

Sorry this one isnt as detailed! Im cooking up another request bc im addicted to your writing istg😫🫶!!!

Fem Reader x Lifeweaver - Don’t break my heart

Content: Angst, Arguments, Fluff, Suggestive content at the end, but SFW

Word Count: 2,300+

A/N: I loved this one so much! I tried to make their argument believable when it came to Satya so I’m sorry if it’s not quite what you had in mind, but I think it would make sense given the nature of their relationship! <3 As always I hope you enjoy, and I apologise in advance for the tears lovely! It’s always such a delight to write for you!

“Why do you never have time for me!?”

“Y/N dearest, I try my bes-“

“No! You ALWAYS have time for Satya! We haven’t been on a date in two months Niran!!”

This whole argument started when Niran canceled on you for the sixth time in a row to help Satya with a project. It stung. You knew they were close, it didn’t bother you at first but now it’s like you are second best to her. Your own boyfriend chooses her over you almost every single time.

“I.. I’m sorry..”

“I don’t think this is working out Niran.”

“What do you mean by that?”

His face screamed fear. He was worried. Still he tried to look at it from another angle hoping and praying that you didn’t mean it like he thought you did. But you did…

“I think we should break up.”

“Oh baby no! Please!”

“You don’t love me Niran. It’s so obvious!”

Niran attempted to take your hands in his, to hold you close and tell you that you were his world. You however didn’t want him to touch you. This only hurt him further. He looked… devastated.

“I… I do love you… Y/N please.. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I do y-“

“You’re lying to me! I know you love Satya! Maybe not in a romantic sense.. but.. the way you talk to her and the way you prioritise her over me has been breaking my heart.. I’m sorry Niran but it’s over.”

“But I love you..”

Those four little words were enough to break your heart all over again. If only they felt true. You suspected that Niran probably did love you, but you couldn’t take the constant pain he put you through. He ALWAYS had time for Satya. ALWAYS.

“I don’t believe that anymore Niran.”

“Please hear me out!”

“I’m over it Niran.. Tell Satya I said hello.”

You turn to leave but he grabs your hand falling to his knees. He was incredibly saddened by your words but knew they were true. He pulled you close and rested his head against your tummy.

“Please don’t leave.. I.. I’ll try harder petal I promise you..”

“I don’t want you to try harder. I want to leave Niran.”

“I don’t want you to leave.. I don’t want Satya! I want you!”

“Sometimes.. I see the way you look at her.. and I think..”

You trail off, tears starting to form in your eyes. He looked at her like she was life itself. You knew Niran was a huge flirt, but with Satya it looked real.

“Tell me Tîi Ràk.. I can take it..”

“I think.. ‘He looks at her like she is his reason to live.. I wish he would look at me like that’..”

If heartbreak was an expression, he’d be showing it. He looked up at you with such sadness in his tear filled eyes, his lips slightly parted, quivering.

“Y/N I love you.. ONLY yo-“

“THEN WHY DO YOU CHOOSE HER!”

“She’s my best friend… I worry about her Y/N.. I love her of course I do, but it’s completely platonic.. I… I worry we’ll drift apart.. that one day she’ll feel abandoned again… I left her wãan-jai… I left her alone for eleven years.. I… I don’t want her to ever feel like that again… but… losing you over this… please… my heart can hardly take it..”

He clutched his chest, tears streaming down his soft features. He glanced down at the floor and wiped at his tears with his sleeve. He felt ashamed by it all. He had ruined your relationship over an irrational fear that to him was completely justified. Satya had suffered a great loss without him and he wouldn’t do that to her again.

“If I lose you now… Oh my darling.. I.. I can’t stand the thought…”

His eyes remained fixated on the ground, head hanging low. His hand slipped out of yours falling against the floorboards. He was crushed.

“Niran.. I don’t want either of us to hurt..”

“Am I a bad partner petal..?”

“No Niran.. I.. I just wish you would choose me for once..”

He sniffled, head lifting once more to look up at you. Then you saw it. That gorgeous look that he often gave Satya, yet somehow it was different. His eyes were full of love and adoration for you, yet he was all so sad.. He looked at you like you were his goddess.. like he was worshiping you..

“I’m sorry.. I.. I just worry.. I don’t wish to make this about her Kon Dii… really I don’t.. but.. before you go.. please hear me out.. I don’t want you to hate me..

You offered him a hand up, but he didn’t accept the hand up, too ashamed of himself to hurting you this way. Instead he placed your hand against his cheek, nuzzling into you. His tears turned to sobs. It hurt so much to see him like this.

“Satya has been… different.. She’s grown so much.. it scares me.. my reasoning for picking her has been for completely selfish reasons I’m afraid. Please don’t hold this against her Y/N she’s a good person. I… I just worry there will come a day where she doesn’t need me anymore.. and she leaves me behind.. like I left her.. I hold onto her because she reminds me of the mistakes I made.. and how I can never repeat them. But also happy times in our childhood.. I want you to know that I’m sorry.. and that I love you and that won’t stop.. I’m begging you.. from the depts of my broken heart.. please.. don’t leave me… I’m.. I’m nothing without you..”

His words felt so real. Honest. Maybe you had been a little hard on him. From the start you knew that he and Satya were inseparable. He had come clean about their history, telling you everything right away. You knew what they had was strictly platonic in every way, but it hurt that he picked her so often, but now you knew why. You drop to your knees and pull him into a warm hug.

“Don’t cry Bua.. please don’t cry.. I’m sorry for being so hard on you.”

He grips onto you and cries on your shoulder, the sound shattering your heart further. He had been going through so much pain and anguish. He didn’t blame you for being upset, you were right to be.

“I love you so much… I’m so sorry… Please don’t leave… I need you… I need you Petal.. I’m not strong enough without you..”

“I’m here Niran.. it’s okay..”

——🪷——

A few hours had passed and Niran was feeling a little better. You for the most part had forgiven him. He wasn’t a bad person, you were glad he explained himself to you, finally. He promised to take you out on a date. A lovely one that he promised you would enjoy.

“I just need to call Satya. I’m not bailing on you, I just think it’s time that I was open with her. I think she needs to hear how I feel.”

“I think that’s for the best love.”

Satya was highly confused as to why he even felt like that in the first place. Her first instinct was to actually laugh at him and call him a fool for assuming her intent.

“Honestly Niran you really are so hopeless! I don’t know how Y/N puts up with you!”

“Barely.” You laugh, teasing.

“You really should prioritise her more. I don’t have the time to entertain you daily. That’s what Y/N is for Niran. You’re with her, so you don’t have to bug me constantly!”

Niran smiles. She was right, of course she was. He felt a little better hearing his friend assure him it was okay. To anyone else she sounded hostile and cold. To him, she was telling him to not worry, and that he was silly for thinking he had to. He understood her better than anyone.

“I’m about to take her out on a date actually.”

“And I should think so too Niran!! Now please stop dragging me down with you, get a grip.”

“Love youuuuu!” He called.

She grunted and hung up on him, making him giggle. You smiled too. As things were you loved the man. He was a good friend and his concern for Satya made sense. He was worried that they were drifting apart again, and of course he would want to cling on to her. You decided to forgive him whole heartedly. He wasn’t a cheat, he hadn’t been intentionally hurtful, he was open and honest. He showed his vulnerability to you.

“Are you ready to go Pumpkin? You look… breath taking..”

Whilst he was on the phone to Satya you slipped on his favourite dress. One that had him swooning over you the first day you met. You had thrown your hair up into a neat bun, showing off your lovely collar bones.

“Thank you Bua.”

He offered you his hand and you walked down to his car. You delighted in the way he still opened the door for you every time. It was times like these you felt his love. It reminded you that things were different. Once inside the car he cups your cheek and kisses you. Nothing too wild, just a simple peck on the lips.

“Okay so now we just need to go pick up Saty- I’m kidding!!”

You playfully roll your eyes at him. Niran Pruksamanee, forever the tease. Still at least he was feeling better and you were too.

——🪷——

He took you star gazing. The night was warm and cozy. Sky as clear as glass with delicate stars dancing above them. He found a spot on top of a hill and scooped you lovingly into his arms so you didn’t have to walk up it yourself. His arms felt safe, warm. Niran had thought of everything. Blanket, food, wine. He even downloaded some romantic music on his phone. You sit snuggled up to him staring up into the star filled sky.

“I often look up at the sky when we’re apart.”

“Why’s that Bua?”

“You see the same stars I do wãan-jai. It’s comforting to think you look up when I do. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in the universe, that I have you.”

“That’s beautiful Niran.”

“Close. You’re even more beautiful than any star.”

He leans over and kisses you softly, which then turns steamy with you falling back onto the blanket, taking Niran with you. The warm air suddenly felt hotter and the sound of the gentle breeze gained the sounds of soft smooching of lips.

“I love you..”

“And I you.”

You spent the next twenty minuets laying beside Niran watching the stars twinkle, just enjoying each others company. You both needed this more than you realised. Spending time together was important for both of you.

“Look dearest, a shooting star! Make a wish!”

“I wish that no matter what, we promise to be open with each other. I wish us a long and happy relationship full of love, laughter, and romantic breath taking kisses!”

“I second that last part.”

You sipped wine and nibbled on the light snacks Niran made, chatting about good memories and silly times he had with Satya. You spoke about your own childhood and the happier times you had. You enjoyed each other’s company and the wine certainly helped you relax. Niran was responsible enough to not drink, wanting to be a safe driver, but he loved seeing you tipsy. It was quite the sight watching as your hands were all over him, trying to kiss every inch of his skin.

“Easy baby, we’re in public.”

“I just want a kissss!”

“I’d love a kiss from you my dear, though I fear your definition of a kiss and my definition of a kiss may differ right now.”

He was trying to be respectful not wanting to take advantage of you in your sweet tipsy state. He was all too happy to give you all the kisses you could ever want, he just feared that one kiss would turn into something akin to ripping each other’s clothes off. He never was that good as resisting you.

“Noooo!” You protested.

“Let’s get you back to the car my love. It’s getting late.”

He packed everything up and offered you a hand up before rolling the blanket away. You both looked up at the stars again, loving their soft illuminating hue, before heading back to the car. Just like before he carried you down the hill so lovingly in his arms whispering how much he loved you. How he wouldn’t change you for the world. Once inside the car you decided that you didn’t want to wait anymore and that you were tired of waiting.

“Kiss!”

“Oh my baby, are you demanding I kiss you?”

“Yes! Kiss!”

“You’re very cute when you drink dear, I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“Kisssss!”

“Oh alright.”

He captured your lips in a hungry kiss. He too had been wanting to kiss you. It was quick but left you wanting more. You fumble, trying your best to lean over and kiss him again but cars were such awkward spaces. Still you managed, slipping onto his lap, straddling him. Your dress had ridden up to your thighs and he got the perfect view of your cleavage.

“Oh aren’t you just a treat.”

“The sweetest!”

“Mmmm I would have to agree with you darling. All for me.”

He leaned into your lips catching you so off guard with the kiss. His greedy hands holding your hips as his tongue roams your mouth. You tasted so sweet from the wine, felt so good against his body. So perfectly his.

You wiggled your hips softly teasing the man, earning a pleasant hum from his lips as he broke the kiss.

“Can you wait until we get home?” His eyes filled with burning desire for you. Your eyes were half lidded and your smirk was lustful.

“You have a back seat for a reason Niran.”

[oatflatwhite]

Absolutely feel free to not answer but I was wondering how you grew more comfortable being aro/ace? I’m 22 and ace (maybe aro too idk) and I recently ended an on again off again relationship and I am questioning if I ever felt anything towards him in the first place. Im kinda scared bc I love romance but idk if I’ll ever experience it? I wish I was as secure as you seem to be. Thank u in advance 🙂

hey anon :) thank you for reaching out! it's a really hard feeling to come to grips with so i hope i can help in at least a small way.

id'ing as aroace has been quite the journey for me. i've known i was ace for the longest time, but there was a period of several years where i denied even that (thanks 2016 tumblr discourse). eventually i realised that certain feelings would just never happen to me and that was ok - because i could still have romance, right? well!

i think it was around 2021 i kind of thought hold on. i've lived 23 years on this goddamn earth and don't think i've ever had a real romantic feeling/urge for someone who wasn't a fictional character/someone i didn't "force" myself to like because everyone in high school has crushes, right? so i thought about it and just went oh. oh! and it almost felt as though a weight came off my shoulders. like, yes, i was fucking bummed to realise i would probably never fall in storybook love. but there was this sense of a burden i could unshoulder because suddenly i wasn't beholden to the need to find that love, you know? i could just. be me. and even though it might make me sad sometimes, it's enough.

since then i've been up and down about it, absolutely. i even had a brief period last year where i convinced myself i actually did like this guy in real life! through a comedy of errors i realised that romance in my head was fine but any kind of real life interaction in that vein made me sick to my stomach fr lol. (for real! he had to drive me home in my own goddamn car bc i felt so ill.) i still get upset about it sometimes too. i mean, all i write is romance. i read and watch a lot of romance too. romance is every fucking where and it is so ingrained to be a part of everyone's lives that to try and distance yourself from it in order to feel more comfortable not feeling it is. virtually impossible.

where i am right now, 26 years old, 10 years into my ace journey and about 3 into my aro one, is here: i like my life. i love my friends. i can't force myself into a feeling that i will never have. and maybe at times i will be lonely and sad about it, but building a community has helped so much. whether that's with other aro/ace people, or just your friends or family or anyone else you trust with this. because romantic love =/= personal fulfilment, happiness, success. we've just been told it does. it just takes work to make yourself believe otherwise.

and it's ok to be sad about it. but even if you feel lonely, you're not alone.

also, because i'm nothing if not a girl who loves a bibliography, i would recommend checking out these sources:

loveless by alice oseman

ace: what asexuality reveals about desire, society and the meaning of sex by angela chen

this essay by k.a. cook

and pinging a couple blogs with some good aro resources, though i'm sure there's more out there! @aroworlds @arowitharrows