#idk so its just like a constant seesaw between like trying to appreciate being alive but also still embracing and accepting death
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the marble nest is firmly slotting itself into that part of me that has that sickly warm bittersweet fascination with death and dying
#AUGH. insert that picture of spongebob crying violently#brot posts#i think im just pmsing rn dont mind me. im a blubbering mess#its like i dont know i spent over half my life suicidal and im not suicidal anymore but im still like#dealing with the baggage from all that#and sometimes it hits me like a train just how fucked up it all was to be constantly dealing with that#so its like i mourn my own self and what i lost over the years#but also even if im not suicidal anymore i still cant rid myself of that weird like. comfort that death gives me#it was the only consistent thing that kept me company through all those dark isolated times. i cant just forget that.#idk so its just like a constant seesaw between like trying to appreciate being alive but also still embracing and accepting death#and i guess thats what the marble nest is doing for me#the way everyone irl was trying to keep daniil alive they loved him so much but also he had to accept his own death#something something waking up in your own coffin something something attending your own funeral#god man. AUGH. head in my fucking hands
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