#idk might delete this later but checking the tags of this show and people being hyped about how girlboss she is for punishing like that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jaycewrites-192000 · 3 years ago

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Growl: Chapter 6

Warnings: None

Tags: @theravencawsatmidnight @etroman @kaariqueen

Your P.O.V

I sat on my bed, phone in hand trying to think of what to say to Kyotani. I would type out a few words then immediately delete it, because it sounded really dumb or really desperate. "Why is this so hard?" I groaned. I could say whatever to Iwaizumi and Oikawa and it wouldn't bother me later on, but with Kyotani...I just really don't want to mess this up. I looked back down at my phone screen, took a deep breath and typed.

Me: Hey Kyotani, it's me Y/n, did you make it back home?

I held my phone to my chest, I didn't even want to see the speech bubble pop up. But when it did, and my phone dinged, my stomach did a backflip. I looked at my phone.

Kyotani: Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah? That was all he typed? I sighed slightly, well, he never was a man of many words.

Me: That's good. So, about coming over again. How does tomorrow night sound?

"Wow, way to be clingy." I mutter.

Kyotani: Sounds good.

I blinked a few times. "Whoa really? That worked?"

Me: Cool! I'll see you then.

Kyotani: See ya.

I let out a weak sigh and fell back onto my bed. Before I fell asleep I went back to the texts and changed Kyotani's name to:

🐶Mad Puppy🐶

He might have the personality of a feral wolf, but he could be as cute a little puppy. I smiled softly before drifting off to sleep.

Your P.O.V

Your alarm jerked your awake early the next day. With a groan you sat up and turned it off and checked your phone, you gasped when you saw what day it was. "It's Saturday!!" You cheered before flopping back down on your bed. It might be immature for you to act like a child when it came to the weekend, but Jesus did you hate waking up early to go to some boring classes for eight hours a day. Besides, you had a very important day ahead of you. Tonight was the night you went over to Kyotani's place for dinner. The grin on your face only grew wider. "It's like a date...only his mom is going to be there too..."

Speaking of moms, you needed to tell your mom you wouldn't be home early tonight. "Oh great. She's never going to get off my back over this." You sighed. You got up and changed out of your pajama's and into some comfy clothes before heading downstairs. Your mother was just on her way out it the door once you got to the bottom of the stairs. "Hey mom!" You called, making her stop. "Yes sweetie?" She turns to face you. "Um, is it cool if I go over to a friends for dinner tonight?"

"Hm? You mean Iwaizumi?" She asks. "No, not him."

"Oikawa?"

"No."

"...uh, then who?" She mutters.

"A new friend. Remember that intense guy I told you about? His name is Kyotani." You tell her. "Huh, I see. Well first I'm happy that you're making new friends sweetie." Your mother smiled. "But are you sure this "intense" guy is a friend? I just want to make sure you're not being bullied."

"I'm not being bullied. He is a pretty angry person at times but, he's actually really cool too." Your mother took a minute to think about it. "Alright, you can go. Do apologize to them for me. I won't be there."

"You won't?" Your mother shook her head. "I work late tonight. I won't be home until midnight. Which I expect you to be home before then, understand?" Your mother raised an eyebrow. "Yes, I promise. I'll tell them." Your mother pats your head and opened the front door. "Good, I'll see you later." She waves before leaving the house. "Of course you're working late again." You mutter as you walk into the living room. It never use to bother you as much before, but the more you thought about it and the more you watch her leave, the more it bothered you. She was always working, even during the weekends. You two hardly ever talked at times. You sat on the couch and decided to watch your favorite show to pass the time.

After a while, your phone dinged.

Shittykawa: Heeeeeey L/n-Chan! Wanna hang out? I'm free all day~😙

. . . . .

Shittykawa: Don't ignore me!😫

You: That was my answer.

Shittykawa: Your answer was pure silence?

You: Yeah. 😒

Shittykawa: Whatever.🙄 What are you up to?

You: Lazying about. Something you would know well huh, Lazykawa?

Shittykawa: So. Rude. What about later tonight?

You: Can't. I have plans.

Shittykawa: Liiiiike?

You: What's it to you?

Shittykawa: Come on! The least you can do is tell me!

You: Uggggh! I have dinner plans with Kyotani ok!?

. . .

You: Shittykawa?

Shittykawa: YOU HAVE A DATE WITH MAD DOG!?

You: It's not a date!!!

Shittykawa: Really? You? Him? Dinner??? Is it not clicking L/n-Chan?

You: His mom is going to be there, dumbass.

Shittykawa: I just can't believe it... You. And Mad Dog??? Of all people???

Me: What's so wrong with that?

Shittykawa: First, I can't believe you chose him over me 😭 Second, he's not exactly the ladies man. He's more the, scare and intimidate everyone he comes in contact with, man.

Me: Oh shut up Shittykawa. Kyotani's cool. Now if you'll excuse me, he's texting me right now. So I'm gonna get to that if you don't mind 😡 Besides, we all know you gay af.

You didn't bother to read what Oikawa texted next.

Mad Puppy: Hey. You still on for tonight?

You: Yeah totally! I'm really looking forwards to it.

Mad Puppy: Cool. My mom's been pestering me about it all fucking morning. It's like she's trying to play matchmaker. It's ducking creepy.

Your heart twinged a bit at that.

You: Oh yeah? Sorry to hear that.

Mad Puppy: It's whatever. Just telling you ahead of time, she's gonna keep this up the whole night. I just know she is. Anyway, I'll call you later ok? I gotta take Killer on a walk.

You: Ok. Talk to you later.

You bury your face in your hands. You had a feeling that tonight was going to take a lot out of you.

Later that night you stayed close by your phone, just waiting for that call from Kyotani. You had already gotten ready ahead of time, just so you would have to be in a rush later. You wore a short (color) dress with leggings.

(I know that must suck, but give me a break idk what outfit description would satisfy you all lol)

You didn't want to be super dressy but you didn't want to look like a bum in front of Kyotani and his mom. Speaking of, your phone lit up as the ringer went off. You scramble to pick up your phone before answering. "H-hello?"

"Hey, just checking in. You all ready to go?"

"Yep, I'm ready. I'll be over soon."

"Oh uh, actually...I'm on my way to your place....I didn't want you to walk alone at night."

You held back an "aw", you knew it would make him mad. "That's really nice of you Kyotani. Thank you."

"Yeah, I just figured you'd feel more comfortable if you were with someone. Anyway, I'll be there in a few."

"Ok. I'll see you then." You hung up and held your phone to your chest, the brightest smile on your face. Who knew Kyotani could be so nice? You never thought that you would have fallen for someone who looks pissed 24/7, but here you are.

Shortly after, Kyotani was knocking at your door. You took a deep breath and opened the door. "Hi." You say softly. "Hey." He responds. "You ready to go?" You nod and walk out the door before shutting it. "Oh yeah, forgot to mention, my sister will be there too." He tells you. "Really? What's she like?"

"She's a l bitch." Kyotani says bluntly. "Oh come on." You laugh. "Is she really that horrible?" Kyotani nods. "Yep." You just rolled your eyes. You didn't have a brother or sister, but you understood that siblings would pick fights and "resent" each other from time to time. "Is your dad gonna be there too?" Kyotani remained silent, his eyes narrowed. "No." Oh....You decided not to press for more questions, not yet at least. You didn't want to ruin the night by bringing up touchy subjects.

Before you knew it, you were at his home. Kyotani knocked on the door, which was immediately answered by his mom and Killer, who was barking and jumping on you. "Oh, look at you Y/n! You look stunning! Doesn't she Kentaro?" His mom gushed. Kyotani nods. "Come on in! Dinner is just about ready!" You thanked her before stepping inside. At the table was a girl with black hair and the same yellow eyes as Kyotani sat. She wasn't really paying attention to anything or anyone, aside from her phone, which she tapped away on. "Natsuki, we have a guest. Put that thing down for once!" Her mom says as she walks to the stove. Natsuki sighs heavily and puts her phone down. "Hey." She mutters. "You my dumb little brother's girlfriend or something?" You and Kyotani's faces turn red.

"Shut your trap, Natsuki!" Kyotani growls. "She's way too pretty for you, mutt." She smirks. "I said shut it!"

"Both of you shut up!" Their mother yells. "Sorry about my two idiots Y/n." She smiles. You just wave it off. "Uh, don't worry about it." Kyotani and Natsuki's mother set down a very delicious meal on the table. Everyone sat down and gave thanks for the meal before digging in. "Wow. This is really good!" You say as you take another bite. Kaori smiles warmly. "I'm glad you like it. You should take some home for your family. I may have gotten carried away and made a little too much. I was just so surprised that my son brought over such a sweet and beautiful young lady!" Kyōtani grumbles a curse under his curse. Your face warmed up. "I'm kinda surprised myself." You admit.

"Same here. Ken has always been weird. Never thought girls would be interested in him." Natsuki says bluntly. "Tsk. And I never thought guys would be into you, guess I was right, huh?" Kyotani counters. The two siblings were caught in a glare off with each other. "I say cut it out, both of you!" Kaori hissed.

The rest of the night was filled with conversations about school, and marriage, much to Kyotani's dismay, and just causal convo. There were more compliments about how nice and cute you were from his mom, and some questions from his sister for you like "so how much did my brother pay you to hang out with him?". They had to be one of the most chaotic family you've met, but you did enjoy their company. It was getting late, time for you to head home. Once again, Kyotani walked you home. "Thanks again." You smile softly. "Yeah, sorry about my mom and sister. Must have been exhausting." You shook your head. "They were great. I had a really good time tonight. Make sure you get back home safe ok?" Kyotani nods. "See ya." He turned ad walked away. You wave before walking inside your home. Your mother still wasn't home, you decided to head up stairs and catch up on your favorite anime.

While watching, your phone dinged. You looked down to see a text from Kyotani.

🐶Mad Puppy🐶 I had a good time too. Night

You smiled and texted back.

You Good night 😊

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#kyotani kentaro x reader #kyotani kentaro #haikyuu!!#haikyuu kyoutani #haikyuu mad dog #mad dog

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zontiky · 4 years ago

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okay so i tried to save this ask as a draft and it got deleted because tumblr is just such a functional website like that <3 but the prompt was “the hargreeves as ghosts in the apocalypse with five” or something like that i’m going to scream

this is SUPER long so i’m putting it under the cut hfkjsd

pre-five: the hargreeves siblings are dead. wait i feel a drabble coming on ooh

The Hargreeves siblings are dead.

Ben isn’t very aware of this at first. He’s been dead since 2006 -- he’s quite used to it, by now. What he is aware of, first, is light. Blinding white light. And Vanya, in the middle of it. He doesn’t close his eyes because he can’t feel pain, but if he could he thinks she would have made him blind. There’s light, and heat, and power, and then he closes his eyes anyway because the ceiling is collapsing around him and it’s instinctual.

When he opens them again he sees ash. Ash -- and Klaus.

He’s gotten used to Klaus, too. Klaus has a memorable sort of face; even if he didn’t, Ben has seen it every single day for almost twenty years. He doesn’t know if it’s actually been twenty years, for him. He doesn’t know how time moves for ghosts. Klaus has assured him it moves the same as it does for the living. Ben isn’t sure Klaus, stoned out of his mind, bleeding sluggishly from his arm, knew what he was talking about.

Anyway.

Klaus.

He’s wearing the coat he’s been flaunting around for the past week. His shirt is see-through, with little stars on it, like a pale imitation of the sky. Ben remembers his pants had laces on them, he’s sure they did not a minute ago, before the brightness that threatened to wipe out his very soul -- his soul is all he has left, really. His gaze drifts down anyway, to check.

Yes. Klaus’ pants have laces up the sides.

“No,” Ben says. Klaus is laying in a heap on the ground, his fingers curled like his tendons have been cut.

His lips feel numb because they always feel numb. Because Ben can’t feel at all. He takes a step. “No,” he says again, louder, surer. “No!”

Klaus looks up at him. His makeup is smudged, like it tends to be. His lips are bitten raw, like they tend to be. His hair is a mess, like it tends to be, and like it will be, always, because Klaus isn’t breathing.

Klaus is lying in a heap on the ground. Klaus is standing above his own body. Klaus is reaching for Ben like he’s hoping to touch him for the first time in years. Just when Klaus’ cold, dead, fingers brush his face, a voice from behind says, so quietly, dripping with disbelief: “Ben?”

Ben shuts his eyes and wishes desperately he could cry.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, for the first time in so, so long, but he also doesn’t feel it at all. He feels-but-doesn’t-feel someone turn him around, until they are saying, “Ben? Ben!” and he has no choice but to open his eyes and face the music.

Diego is gripping his shoulders like he is a dying man and Ben is the answer. Behind him, Luther and Allison watch them, stunned silent. Allison’s hands are pressed to her mouth. She looks like she wants to cry.

And Vanya. Little Vanya, painted white. Her head is hung as her shoulders shake with the weight of the destruction she has so inevitably caused. (Ben would say he always knew she was destined for great things -- but he can’t, because he didn’t.) (Nobody ever said great things had to be good.)

The Hargreeves siblings are dead. Their bodies are strewn across what is left of their childhood home, smouldering and burning, and Ben is very aware of that fact.

righto anyway. so they have an emotional reunion but its also kind of bitter? id have to actually write this for it to make sense so lets skip it for now lol

five shows up

he cannot see them obviously bc theyre all ghosts

god if i did write this it would be such a monster of a fic and would take me like 2 years to finish i already know fhkjdsk

somehow ?? they manage to influence the world around them maybe? idk maybe now that klaus is dead hes sober

or maybe hes high for all eternity?

for the purposes of this au lets say he died sober or in the late stages of withdrawal, and bc ghosts cant feel pain in action hes sober

so EVENTUALLY they figure out how to corporealize bc klaus is like blam wham ghost powers

asdlfk that sounds so stupid im sorry

he would say that tho imho,,, it sounds like something hed say,,,

if i DID write this it would be alternating povs also,,,

ok so out of all of them klaus and ben have the most experience homeless

and while being stuck in an apocalypse is not at all the same thing as being homeless it does help to have some knowledge

five doesnt eat the twinkie!! good for him

dammit okay. theres 2 options we can take here. in the comics five couldnt get back bc he fucked up his math and spent 15 years doing the wrong thing, but if u apply that here, with 6 other ppl checking his work this could be avoided and they end up skipping the whole assassin shtick and just hopping straight back to 2019, ready to prevent the apocalypse

OR five still gets hired for the commission but the sibs are tagging along

i think bc five isnt completely alone in this au unfortunately dolores doesnt exist :((

for each other the 2 paths tho theres also options?? bc they (ghosts) can go back in time and inhabit their past selves bodies? OR they could just,,, cease to exist

IM JUST NOW REALIZING HOW MANY PATHS THIS COULD TAKE,, AAH FUCK

okay gonna split this into parts. this is gonna be so long brace yourselves.

1) they go back in time because math checking and the ghosts swap out for their past selves

after multiple years of being stuck in an apocalypse together i think they would learn to get along with each other. like at least a little bit

which would make it easier for them to prevent the apocalypse

bc theyd:

trust each other more

already know abt the apocalypse and not have to wait for five to grace them all with his knowledge

are working as a team from the very beginning

have open lines of communication

yeah uh. so there

vanya is also already aware of her powers so the whole harold goading her into turning against her family and snapping to wipe out all life on earth thing? yeah that doesnt happen

oh and harold wouldn’t know how to do that in the first place because klaus wouldn’t throw out reggie’s journal! this solves so many problems wtf

there’s still commission issues bc they (and by they i mean five) are on the commission’s radar

so there’s still dope fight scenes sdlkfd pinky promise

okay idk. they stop the apocalypse and everything is okay the end hfkjd

2) they fix the math but only five can go back and the ghosts cease to exist

this is just sad! it would be sad okay! im sad! lets move on

subset of the past one: ben CAN go back with five because he was already dead and time travel affects them differently or something idk

aaaaaa

five & ben dynamic duo would be dope as shit BUT five would not be able to see him... so they use klaus as a middleman fjsdsfd

is there 2 bens? is one ben deleted in favor of the time-traveling ben? i dont know! i dont know my brain is melting

either way shit is happening yall!! obviously klaus is clued in, directly or indirectly it doesnt matter but he is on board the ‘don’t let the entire world end in flames’ train

3) they join the commission and then when five goes back in time they all go back

this is fun because now five is a highly trained assassin who is also lowkey a complete marshmallow for his siblings and once again TEAMWORK WOO

basically the first path but now five has a gun fhsdjk

4) they join the commission but five has to leave them behind and they cease to exist

five with a gun but hes sad now

i didnt go into how much losing his siblings would suck in the prev path but like. it would suck so much. he’s already lost them once if you think about it when he time traveled the first time and yeah he found the adult ghost versions but,, its different

and now suddenly hes stuck with these strange adult versions of the people he knows and he KNOWS them but also he doesnt? at all? they dont have all the years of shared experiences together? and theyre all grown up from the first ‘set’ of siblings he had which for five was like 40+ years ago??

SCREAMS

i have losing my mind disease (self-diagnosed)

subset: five has to leave them behind but they still exist because the commission is out-of-time kind of? idk but they’re still floating around somewhere and come back to impact the plot later or something

yeah idk. literally just wrote them down bc i didnt want them to die^2 hfkjwehd

subset: they still exist but instead of being just Somewhere they’re specifically at the assassination of JFK onwards because thats where five left them and they either go on ghosting and make an appearance in s2 OR they cease because them-wise they havent died yet but that doesnt make sense because ghosts can time travel so nevermind

i dont have the brain energy left to explore this one aaaa

okay jesus christ i think that’s all

I DON’T KNOW. i don’t know. i might write some more of this because honestly it is a very fine flavor of angst + hurt/comfort <3

#didnt proofread this at all 💀 fhsdfks #tua #the umbrella academy #pls dont let this flop i spent like an hour on it hfjksd #aus #team zero #ben hargreeves #wip #I GUESS #misc #ghosting au

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5sosbitchfest · 5 years ago

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Alrighty, Nonsters. We currently have 290 Asks in our box! As much as we might try, I know there is NO WAY we’re going to be able to get through all of them. Everything exploded this weekend when MessyGate went down! I don’t want to ignore any asks just because I already answered a similar one. So, I’ve tried to gather as many similar Asks as possible to let your your voices be heard. Y’all are definitely NOT alone in your feelings. Get ready for a lot of opinions on Messy’s Twitter Drama.

Also, if you sent in an Ask and we haven’t answered it yet, please feel free to resubmit it! I do try to scroll through all of them but it is a daunting task and personal stuff and work make it difficult for me to get through everything in a timely manner!

********************************

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I’m really disappointed in Luke and this band in general, the way they deal with things. “honest policy” with messy? So he knew all of this and it was okay? Or he confronted her on this and he is okay with what she has done? I’m not sure this whole thing would be a deal breaker for me, but it certainly would make me real mad at my SO and some whiny excuses wouldn’t be enough to make things alright. Radio silence would’ve been much better than that story he posted, made himself look like a fool.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: These girls will sooner or later become their downfall if their management or them does not realise they should rely on other things than bringing relationship up front to sell their music. I find it extremely bad that they are behaving as if nothing happened, I hope there will be changes once touring will be possible again and we won’t see these girls tagging along everywhere or being brought up in interviews all the time but somehow I’m not counting too much on that.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I wonder if Luke knows everything that Messy got exposed for or just the parts Messy wanted to show him. Bc Luke said in his Story that he wasn't online lately so maybe he wasn't on Twitter too and Messy just showed him the parts that make her look good and he still doesn't know that she spoke bad about Ashton or how she stalked the fans also after she knew that they didn't hack his email adress cause he wasn't on Twitter so he couldn't see the screenshots.🤷‍♀️

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm just waiting for the day one of them date someone who isn't a part of their circle. tired of them passing around the same toxic girls.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: These girls are just digging a whole for these guys and they want be able to get out of it soon

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: It was a chicken move for Sierra to do it as a reply and no one has talked on twitter that she deleted it because they probably think her deleting it is saying it wasn’t true

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Am I the only one who thinks that guys really only heavily interact with us when they want to promote something or say something about the music? I do understand they have lives so being on Twitter isn't number one priority and with all the drama that surrounds this fandom its very easy to not want to be online a lot, I just can't help but feel that way

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm talking about this messy situation (no pun intended) with my friend and she said to me that Messy should consider changing her career if she can't handle that not all people are going to like her. (that ofc doesn't include any form of harassment bc that's not cool)

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I really don't know how to feel about the Luke situation. At first I was upset and disappointed of Luke but now I almost pity him bc real or not either the management would want Luke to defend her or Messy. And I think Luke isn't the kind of person who would stand up against the management or Messy (even though it would probably be better for him if he would). And most people don't realise when they're in a toxic relationship so I can't really blame him. I just hope this ends asap.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I literally was so angry and frustrated with Luke and this whole situation yesterday that I couldn’t even look at him on my home screen, I had to change it. It’s really a disappointing thing to witness. Whether management put him up to this or he genuinely believes this toxicity is okay, I’m just very grumpy with him at the moment. He deserves better and WE (the fans) deserve better.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I think Luke really needs to be in a relationship with sb who either isn't famous and doesn't want to be or with someone who is famous bc they have a successful career too and who doesn't need Like to be famous.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I’ve only seen a few accounts on Twitter who are attacking Messy and Crusty to the core and exposing every bad thing they’ve done with receipts for the sossies defending them! I’m happy that karma is finally getting to those con artist who think they can get away with anything

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: that recent lierra picture is photoshoped lmao. if you look at Sierra's hand you can see color coming off from it and her arm looks hella weird.her forehead looks hella weird and look couldn't have taken the picture because I doubt that he could stretch his arm that far and make a perfect picture. also we haven't even seen Sierra's face so I still don't believe they're together

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The Lemon pic was like a punch in the face (even though Petunia and Luke are looking cute there). But I've been asking myself lately if Luke has seen the whole drama going around on Twitter or just the posts Messy wanted him to know so the ones who make her look like the victim (and not the ones where she insulted Ashton or she made it clear that she stalked his fans). Cause Luke said he hasn't been online lately.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I mean we dont know how much of the story he truly is aware of and how much s changed to fit her narrative and get L to feel bad for her. Plus he was under pressure from management to do damage control and not standing up for his gf is a very bad look for outsiders who dont understand why she's at fault. It was a pretty neutral statement and he was obviously told to make the post so I dont blame him and just blame her more for putting him in the situation in the 1st place

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I wonder how much toxicity happens behind the scenes, we know S is very manipulative and L is very much a people pleaser so.. and with how much they have to sell their "love" and "happiness" in the relationship. Minipulation is a powerful thing and it could explain why hes out of touch with reality, especially lately since he's isolated with her and doesnt have the voices of the band to raise any concerns and he's been getting skinny again and seems very "meh" rather than happy, idk

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I feel so disconnected with this fandom rn. I feel like no one is streaming CALM and that makes me sad bc it's such an amazing album. The boys aren't even online anymore, everyone is mad at each other and now Luke comes up with this shit... tbh I wish I would wake up tomorrow and see him tweeting something like yeah I'm sorry about my ig story I still love y'all lmao

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Wait wait wait wait ive been gone from the fandom for a little while now and what the fuck is going on with Luke and S? What did S do that she made a fake ass apology for?? I’m so lost please help me! 😂

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm seeing a lot of my mutuals unstanning and I'm just so mad bc Sierra started this drama and got Luke into it and I'm sad that people are leaving bc of this, it's just too much toxicity and it shouldn't affect the band and their connection with the fans but with Luke saying this he makes it seem like he supports the ugly things she does

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I am a Luke stan and I've always loved him bc he has inspired me so much through the years but when he does this things it's like...damn. I feel like he's invalidating the fans' feelings by being like "if you don't like my girlfriend, ur fake" like he has never noticed me on Twitter or anything but my biggest fear is to be blocked by him or just ignored bc I don't like her (although I never expressed it publicly) n yeah anyways :// It feels weird

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Going back and re-reading the DM’s messy literally confirms that she accesses Luke’s account by saying “we couldn’t get in” or some shit like that

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I hate being a luke stan, sometimes it just seems like he doesn't care? he always puts these toxic gfs before the ones who adore him and pay his bills. might just move into Cashton's lane. unproblematic kings.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: He literally posted a picture of him cuddling her and petunia within the hour

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The saddest part of this situation is it’s like a repeat of Arzaylea. Luke has no idea what a respectful, mature relationship is. We saw it with Arz and were seeing it again it’s just a little bit different. He stays being controlled and manipulated by toxic partners. I really think homeboy needs to be single for a WHILE and focus on himself. He needs to unlearn the things his past and current relationships have taught him about love because if I know anything, it’s that this ain’t real love.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Is it bad that I just want the larzaylea drama back?? Like everyone could at least agree on their feelings then...

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Just checked messy’s insta and of course, everyone that still supports her filled her tagged with just the single picture

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I feel like the reason Sierra is getting away with what she’s done is because she isn’t that known. Like yeah she’s associated with 5sos, but they’re also like not that big which is probably why it’s getting swept under the rug. I’ve only seen the 5SOS fandom calling her out for her actions. If this had happened with a well known celebrity, they probably would’ve been dragged and been trending on Twitter. I might be wrong but I feel like this is what’s happening which is just unfair.

#kirby #luke #lemon #messy #messygate #messy's twitter drama

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pinkykitten · 5 years ago

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I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you

Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people

1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive?

i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head.

2. Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?

well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?

so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby. 4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts?

i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different.

5. What is your favorite place to write?

lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again.

6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?

well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!

7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?

no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it.

8. How do you feel about your handwriting?

it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!

9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?

ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer.

so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot.

10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible.

wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys.

MY QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?

5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?

9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms

i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊

Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.

1. What is your favorite book?

fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much.

2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?

oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho.

3. What is the last song that inspired you?

well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making.

4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?

at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical.

5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?

yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!

MY QUESTIONS:

1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?

2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?

3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?

4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?

5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH

#ask #@writing-with-melon #rambles #writing #tips on writing #unus annus #david dobrik #netflix #buzzfeed unsolved #peaky blinders oc #kobe bryant #mac miller #tony stark #peter parker #the greatest showman #tom thumb #troy bolton #zac efron

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ssweet-perceptionn · 6 years ago

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Instagram and VMAs 2018 - Camren

I am using my unknown tumblr account when I saw a page that says “Update: Lauren deleted pictures with Camila on IG” When I saw that, there’s a familiar pinch that I felt on my heart. Yes, I am fine but whenever I hear or saw something related to the girl who caused so much tears on me, it just breaks me everytime. I was about to distract myself by listening to a song when my mom suddenly knocked on my door.

“Karla, Ariana’s here go talk to her”. My mom said eagerly and I just nodded.

I saw Ari sitting on the couch with her phone, she’s making cute faces. I know she’s updating her fans on Snapchat. I walked to her and she still didn’t notice me until I grabbed her phone.

“Hey! Fck off!” She said with annoyance.

“You came here to my house just so you can do snapchat?” I asked her with my left eyebrow quirked.

“No, well yeah snapchat is always with me but I heard something with Lauren and I know that you need me.” She told me confidently.

“Wow, do I owe you now?” I asked her with a laugh.

“Bigtime Cabello” Ari said while claiming her phone.

While we’re at my room, Dinah and Normani joined us so we decided to order an extra-large pizza knowing that me and Dinah are pizza lovers.

“Mila, you know that she didn’t mean to do it right?” The thick blonde girl asked me.

“I don’t know what to believe Cheechee” I shook my head as I told her that.

“Come on Mila, we all know that she loves you and there might be a reason why she did that” The dark skinned gorgeous girl comforting me.

“Idk what else to say about Lauren because she’s pretty complicated” Ari added.

----

It has been two days since Lauren deleted our photos on IG. Dinah told me that she will contact Lauren to know why she did that but I told her that there’s no need for that. Dinah is so determined so she still insisted. I’m all alone here in my room blasting the speakers with “God is a Woman”. I refused to take that song because I feel like it’s a perfect match with Ariana’s voice and it is a bop. I’m currently being drowned in my thoughts when I noticed my phone is ringing and saw Dinah’s caller ID. I immediately turned the volume down to take her call.

“Hey Walz! Chill” she said playfully.

“What? I haven’t said anything yet” I asked while I shook my head though she can’t see me.

“Lauren wants to talk to you and she will be there later, bye!” I didn’t get the chance to say anything at all and Dinah ended the call.

----

My parents are having dinner plans with Roger and Sofi is with our grandparents. I am all alone tonight and I don’t have any idea if what Dinah said was true. I’m currently at the kitchen making myself a sandwich for dinner when I heard the doorbell rings. I immediately went to see who it is assuming it was the shipment that my parents are expecting but my eyes went wide when I saw the familiar waves and the piercing green eyes.

“Hi” She said smiling at me.

“Uh hey” I hesitantly said.

“Can I come in?” She broke the silence and I realized that we were staring at each other for the past 5 minutes so I motioned for her to come in.

“About the pictures Ca— “I cut her off.

“I get it Lauren; I know you wanted to get rid of me but I didn’t expect that you’ll delete most of our pictures” I let out my frustration.

“Look Camz, you don’t und- “I cut her off again.

“I do understand Lauren, I always do th- “This time, she cut me off

“Will you please shut the fuck up and let me speak?” She asked me with a sigh and I nodded.

“I don’t have any plans on deleting it, these hardcore shippers are leaving comments on our photos everyday. I can’t handle it Camz that’s why I decided to delete most of it because I hate myself not realizing what I’ve lost. I don’t take anything against our shippers but it’s me. It’s me who is always stubborn and denial. I’m sorry for all the pain that I’ve caused to you Camz, I really am. That’s why I’m here and I am glad Dinah talked to me about it and she told me to go after you.” She said with full of sincerity.

“Really? Are you serious?” I asked in confusion because this is overwhelming.

“Yes Camz, I’m serious. I made up my mind since I deleted those because I want us to start anew. Well, not all of it because there’s one photo of us that I left there and, I want to let you know that I still love you, I always will.” The green eyed orbs directed in my eyes with sincerity.

“What about you and Ty?” I asked concerning our career.

“We broke up a month ago. Also, that Matthew was cheating on you!” She furiously said.

“It’s PR Lo, I don’t care if he cheated because he doesn’t matter anyways and, I love you too.” I said meeting her eyes with mine.

“But your reputation Camz? The girl he was dating was so full of it. She’s acting innocent like she’s the only victim. Hell you don’t even have any idea that he was dating someone before this PR started” It is now evident in her eyes that she’s worried.

“I don’t care about what people thinks of me. All I care is my music, my family, my friends, my fans, those who believed in me and specially you.” I assured her. I saw Lauren eyes glisten when I said those words and I meant all of it.

“So, should I post a new camren pic?” Lauren asked with excitement.

“Calm down Jauregui, don’t spill the tea yet. I have to go to VMAs next week and as much as I want the world to know, let’s keep it low this time and I’ll be the one to tell other people.” I said with a bright smile.

Lauren hugged me and she decided to go to a restaurant. I am a little disappointed that she didn’t stay the night because she will have a meeting with her manager to discuss about her album. I am extremely excited for her because she received 2 awards as a solo artist and knowing the fact that she has not released a single yet makes it even more exciting.

----

This week has been pretty tough because of the nonstop tour but I’m not complaining at all, I love what I do but it’s inevitable not to feel exhausted. Lauren and I are getting better. I don’t know what we are but we both love each other. I wish I can call her my girlfriend because what happened last week was so sudden. Now, I’m getting ready for VMAs and I thank the producers so much because I am not performing so I am one of the audience. I heard my phone rings and I saw the pic of a gorgeous girl so I immediately answered it.

“Hey Babe” the raspy voice said.

“Since when do you call me that?” I asked grinning.

“Well, you’re my girlfriend aren’t you?” She told me and I was caught off guard because I was thinking about that earlier and she answered my thoughts.

“Camz? Sorry, I should not rush things plea- “so I cut her off.

“Lauren babe, you can call me whatever you like. I just didn’t expect that my thoughts are answered immediately” I told her honestly.

“So, you’ve been thinking about me?” and by her tone of voice, it seems like she has a wide grin plastered on her face.

“I can’t get you out of my head Lauren, I guess I am so in love with you all these years” I flirted but meant it wholeheartedly.

“Stop Camz! You’re the one that I should make blushing not the other way around. It’s unfair!” She whined and it makes her cute.

“You will have the time soon babe, I gotta go now and I’ll call you after.” She wished me luck and I headed my way to the event.

----

The VMAs ended and tonight was so incredible yet there was unexpected that happened. I thought Tiffany Haddish will say compliments about me but it does not satisfy me at all. Yes, I was nominated 5 times and won 2 awards but what she did was inappropriate and I don’t like it at all so I just shook my head with a fake smile. Later on when Nicki defended the girls, Tiffany was speechless and the crowd was crazy. I don’t have time for any beef at all because me and my girls are still in good terms. I’m here in my room right now checking some photos that I took from the show and HOLY CRAP!! Madonna presented the award to me and I just can’t stop myself for fangirling. I am done posting stuffs on my social media when I heard a knock on my door. I got up from bed and opened and I saw Lauren grinning widely and hugged me.

“Hey babe, I missed you” The hoarseness of her voice is evident.

“I missed you too. It’s late why are you here?” I asked concerning her.

“Can’t I congratulate my girlfriend personally? Can’t I visit my girlfriend late at night? Can’t I love you as much as I want?” with her words, I can feel the heat on my cheeks and now she’s grinning so wide knowing that it is obvious that I’m blushing.

“We’re even now Lauren.” I said while I cover my cheeks with my both hands.

“I know, you got me earlier so it’s my turn. And don’t hide your red cheeks, it’s cute” she said while laughing.

“Stop, I’m worried about us. What if people can’t accept us? What if they judge us? What about our career? What if I messed everything up?” I am so distressed and asked her.

“Ssshh baby, don’t think of those things. You know they already love us right? Put your worries aside. We won’t know if we won’t try. I know I am mostly the reason why you’re anxious because I was so scared before but let me catch you Camz. I’ll always catch you and you always have me. I love you so much” Lauren leaned in and now her soft lips met mine. It was a slow kiss with gentleness and all I can feel is love. I pulled back from the kiss to give our lungs air.

“Thanks Lauren, you know I love you more. I hope everything will work out” She hugged me and Lauren suddenly grabbed my phone and took a picture with me, her arms on my shoulder and she placed a kiss on my cheek. She took 3 minutes with my phone and when I got it, I saw my account on IG, Lauren posted our pic using my account and tagged herself with the caption: “She’s only mine. It’s real – L xoxo”.

--OMG please forgive me guys. I didn’t proofread so I apologize if there’s any error with my grammar or any typos. I'm so bored rn so bear with me. Let me know your thoughts!!! Lol or not.

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groundramon · 7 years ago

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Homph I finished tri and I wrote down my thoughts as I was watching because I had too many funny shitposts and nobody to share them with bc charlie hasn’t watched tri yet

PS i wont be reblogging tri spoilers (besides MINOR stuff like, digivolutions of already confirmed digivolution lines or non-spoilery shitposts, but I’ll try to tag shitposts as #tri spoilers anyways [digivolutions specific to tri ill tag as well but not ones that were already basically confirmed]) for a while so ur safe here! I’m just gonna like everything/most things because then I can rb em to hisyaryumon lmao (also u should check out hisyaryumon....its me n charlie’s digimon blog)

EP 1:

- ok. alright. ok. good. they’re dealing with kari’s emotions now instead of just. nothing. ok. alright. cool. Still dont like how obscure/”artsy” they’re being with it, this is digimon not kagerou project, but ok.

- Also. I stand by tk and kari being one of the few good straight ships in digimon. just saying.

- kari: this is my fault... me: god damn it shut up you little brat also me: god relatable ALSO me: ill take whatever display of emotions i can get

- I love how nobody believes tai is dead like. They’re upset and worried but they’re also like “nah. he cant be. that fucking asshole just left us in our time of need” (actually only matt is the last one)

- Gabumon i would die for you also im crying and I think that’s the first time tri managed to make me fucking CRY

EP 2:

- I had thoughts but then the 02 kids happened and I entered another plane of reality. I don’t feel real right now

- the only one I can remember is evil!gennai being a dumbass and being like “SUFFER AND SQUIRM YOU PATHETIC HUMANS AS YOU FIGHT OVER THE LAST SEAT” 1. humans are KNOWN for their ability to care for others you dumb obvious fuck and 2. is. is the entire tube going? because that tube can fit too people if they squish. This isn’t a joke I’m serious it can.

- oh yeah also when i saw whomstever the fuck his name is (adult guy who i love but fuck names) and he was all bloodied i was like “its a cold day in hell when i see blood in digimon” (I think there was blood in an earlier ep but shh idc)

EP 3:

- didn’t nishijima start off as a fucking life coach to these kids. What the fuck he was supposed to help them find a career not emotionally scar them by bloodily dying in front of one of them

- im realizing that the reason hackmon was always in his cloak, in the shadows, standing still is that they cannot animate him in any normal position for the life of him. I drew him with better anatomy when i was 14 and didn’t have a tablet. No seriously, look:

I didn’t say it wasn’t bad, you guys are just underestimating how bad the anatomy on this poor creature is. Why cant ppl draw dracomon or hackmon correctly imma cry

- ordinemon has the best reaction faces

the best part about these two screenshots is that they literally cut one to the other, first the first one to the second one and then it cuts back to the first one. They were really proud of these stupid ass expressions.

- I started overcoming my dissociation shock from the second episode and my hypercritical mind was analyzing the shit out of everything that happened (it is Not happy) but then evil!gennai called kari and evil goddess and idk if he’s exaggerating to make her feel bad or if she’s literally a fucking god of chaos and destruction and either way im like

she did kinda like. Watch wizardmon die, watch tai die, watch gatomon get absorbed. The dark ocean is just a metaphor for depression and honestly if 02 wasn’t all over the fucking place I think Kari would’ve had some pretty decent development in it. Actually you know what, I’m using that as an angle to approach Tri at now, wish me luck bc i might actually give it more leeway now

EP 4:

- I’m not dissociating but I forgot to say anything again and I already forgot what happened

- Cant believe mei is fucking dead

EP 5:

- I like to imagine that Tai got there like a few minutes ago, but he was like “well damn guess yall figured it out without me. alright ill just. see if I need to do anything” and then meicoomon was Still Bad so he waited for when she struck just to make the most badass entrance possible. Fucking extra ass bitch

- I forgot to write anything again but uhhh I wasn’t satisfied so anyways lets just get into the Juicy Details

Originally I was actually planning to be kinder to Tri than I expected. Was very invested during it. ‘Round the end of the last ep I realized hmmm no this isn’t working out. Where are the 02 kids. You should’ve brought them in to save the day. That would’ve been SO cool and SO fun. Fucking cowards.

god I’m kinda tired so I’m going to address a couple things I still had problems with, note that this isn’t everything it’s just everything I felt comfortable yelling about without rewatching past eps. Like I forgot nishijima was all bloodied and presumably died in the last part until they brought it up and I was like “????” ALSO DID THE LADY WHO WAS HIS PARTNER OR W/E KILL HERSELF WITH THE GUN SHE FOUND, I JUST REALIZED LITERALLY AS I WAS TYPING THIS THAT SHE FOUND A GUN AND THEN I THINK IT CUT TO BLACK AND I’M

DID SHE FUCKING KILL HERSELF WHAT THE FUCK

anyways my problems:

1. They did joe. really dirty. I’ll write a more proper rant on this sometime later (mostly bc charlie is MUCH better at talking about joe than I am) but basically I can tell you that his character development in the movies squandered his OG character development. He’s basically an entirely different person. Like Tri joe isn’t bad, besides being largely neglected (yes he has a whole half a movie to himself, no that doesn’t make up for it all), its just...not OG joe. He’s a fine character just not the same character, and its NOT fine when you put the two together.

2. THEY DID THE 02 KIDS EVEN DIRTIER IM SO BITTER sorry you nostalgia-blind, money-hungry fucks at bandai, but the 02 cast is PART OF THE ADVENTURES UNIVERSE. The only people who hate 02 are ones who like the characters but hate the mess of the storyline at the end, or are completely irrational and elitist about their love of the digimon series and would greatly re-evaluate their opinions if they watched the original series and 02 back to back. They couldn’t even show them in some kind of group montage at the end??? Standing in the background when they call Mei??? Why couldn’t they call mei from a home phone also, but that’s a less important problem idc that much. It was a cute scene besides the lack of 02 characters. Whatever. AND THE PROBLEM IS LIKE kari and tk? This entire time??? Were like “oh they disappeared. oops” instead of being frantically searching for their lost friends??? Like i get tk and kari probably have fucking ptsd and can’t express any emotions because they watched important people die in front of their eyes at an incredibly young age but also 1. they didn’t address the ramifications of ptsd, so fuck that theory/excuse and 2. THAT??? WOULD ONLY MAKE THEM LOOK HARDER??? and put on a brave face as they look, but inside they’re so scared and so worried. Not just “oh sweet, they were found/saved, theyre in the hospital but that’s fine” like WHAT theyre fucking assholes if that’s what they’d canonically do lmao. God I am SO bitter over the ENTIRE thing with the 02 kids, it would’ve been BETTER if they were deleted from the fucking canon entirely. Would I have still been bitter? Yes. But at least I wouldn’t be madder at TK and Kari too.

3. I stand 100% by the notion that Digimon is not and will never be cut out to be an adults’ franchise. It wasn’t designed for adults, and it can’t be skewered towards adults. These particular characters were designed for kids to relate to and find entertaining. They do not work when placed into an adult setting. Like, can you imagine a character like Ed from FMA going to the Digimon world? I guess in a way that’s just Marcus but like. Just imagine the FMA cast in Digimon Adventure. It doesn’t work. Digimon Tri is basically that except real. Also Data Squad was darker than Adventure so my joke doesn’t even work.

I guess my primary point is that Tri isn’t mature enough of a setup for an adult audience. It puts a focus on being “complex” and “philosophical” instead of working within Digimon’s constraints and making something good and adult out of that. Like! Digimon is a fucking TOY COMMERCIAL. Don’t give me messages about the futility of human life. I want bad puns and emotional characters. That’s what Digimon has ALWAYS been, and ideally always will be. Tri could’ve made itself more mature by dealing with the ramifications of the Digital World’s events, how it affected the kids psychologically and dealing with healing old scars. It would’ve been a more mature take on a story we loved and would use things we loved about the story already - the fact that it took so much time exploring characters’ emotions and was surprisingly mature for the time - to make itself better. You need to take the aspects that drew adults to the show and amplify them, not just slap on a complex story and unfunny dialogue and be like “oh this is fine, right?”

It’s not that Digimon can’t exist as an adult property, its just that if it repeats what Tri did, it’s got no merit and in my eyes the franchise is dead. If it survives I guess I’ll be happy that people can still enjoy it but I find it unsustainable and unsatisfying to fans of the older series. Tri is just a fuckfest of highly specific nostalgia that tries too hard to appeal to old fans without capturing what made the original series so magical, and in part thats because the original series WASN’T FOR ADULTS. I don’t know about the Digimon Story games, bc they’re T-rated so perhaps they’re a better take on an adult Digimon story than Tri? But you either need to make your own characters and lore specifically for an adult-oriented Digimon season, or perish. Also, please make it a series and not a group of movies. Getting four eps every 6-9 months was hell.

I stand by saying Appmon is a more faithful Digimon season than Tri to Digimon’s original spirit. I believe it holds more potential for success than Tri and better embodies the spirit of the older Digimon seasons. It’s dumb, its corny, it has horrible puns, but I LOVE it because it also has a deep dark story and emotional moments. If you dislike Tri and you agree with things I said that make it unlikeable, I highly recommend giving Appmon a chance - if you watch a few episodes and think “oh yeah, I guess this is decent” you’re going to like it. It’s everything Digimon has always been and hopefully always will be, just with a different concept. And hopefully the end of the series doesn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth and I have to redact this statement haha since I’m not done with it yet, but I’ve heard good things about it so I’m hoping not so.

Overall, if you watch Tri, don’t get your hopes up. It resolves everything okay-ish but it’s a pretty forgettable anime on its own and simply doesn’t work as part of the Digimon franchise.

I am, however, pretty interested in what evil!gennai said at the end about Diaboromon and Daemon. It raises interesting questions about the timeline too. We know Daemon is in the dark ocean, so perhaps that’s a hint at a future project?�� (They did confirm a future project btw, in conjunction with tri being over) But what about Diaboromon? I dont believe that Our War Game (I think thats what its called?) took place after Tri, based on the outfits and ages and stuff, but I also don’t remember the movies that well. Could Diaboromon still be out there too? It’s interesting.

However, because of the lackluster performance of Tri, I don’t have my hopes up and I really hope that this “next project” goes in a different direction. Although I guess if they include the 02 kids, I’ll be somewhat less salty...

Side note, did they ever explain why the gennais went evil? Like ? That’s a pretty important thing. The gennais helped SAVE the human world in 02. And I get that apparently Tri is ignoring 02′s ending but still. It’s shitty, because Gennai was still a good guy in the original too (and also they cant just keep is younger look and act like 02 never happened) MAYBE its something I missed but I dont think so. God there’s just. So much wrong with Tri. I’m very displeased and very bitter and I wanna get back to Appmon asap.

It’s got good moments, its got bad moments, I dont know, I don’t care. There’s nothing wrong with you if you like it, there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you flip flop and are split like me. I just wish Tri fulfilled its potential instead of becoming a boring mess.

#stormy speaks #digimon

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amusims3 · 7 years ago

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Replies & Thanks

this gonna be a long oen i think, been awhile.

firstly to friends who like & put nice comments on my wips and ccs!!! i love you guys~ @simsophoniques, @shaysugar, @trembling-hands, @fyachii, @enchantedunicornhideout, @simnovels, @thesimperiuscurse, @kyimu, @my-simension, @ktarsims, @wannabecatwriter, @itheaxel, @rosiesimming, @nekoi-sims there are probs more but i went back as far as I could! Thank you guys always <33333333333

CC sharing post:

smellslikepixeldolls: unfortunatly ppl stealing from everywhere :(

Ickkk idk why even it is free stuff!!

rosiesimming: I don't think going anywhere else will limit the possibility of people stealing. If they can download it, they'll claim it if they don't care. It's a shame, but it's the internet. :(

I guess I just had too high expections of people to be decent! It really is a shame to me

enchantedunicornhideout: Yeah people will keep stealing, so either you decide to not care about idiots like that, or you stop creating. It's just a shame it has to be like this, but there will always be idiots in the world, so try to not let them get to you.

I don’t think I would stop creating over it, I make my cc for myself mostly lol. I just wish there was easier or smaller way to share and have rude people just stay out of it haha.

ktarsims: I think that's basically a universal experience on the internet. Not just confined to tumblr, or to the sims community. The internet brings us all closer together in a way, because it allows communication that wouldn't be possible otherwise. Unfortunately, there's no way to prevent the idiots from having access. The only way I can really think of would be to have a private forum or discord or something, and only share/show the content there and never display it publicly.

That might be a good idea thank you! I just wouldn’t want to seem like I am inconveniencing the nice people for them to access my cc by having to have different accounts discord/etc. Because most people ARE nice. And turning off anon silenced the rude ones for now anyway! It’s just the people who silently download then monetize my cc with crap ads that get to me most.

nekoi-sims: Gotta agree with Ktarsims here. A private discord or smth would be best?

I will consider it! I have two finished dresses I am using that I wanted to share but now I’m not sure if I even want to bother on tumblr since the thiefs shop here lol

Turning off anon asks post:

simsophoniques: Best decision ever done you won't regret it

When I turned it back on I thought it would be good for shy ppl... Nope just people asking the same question over and over and telling me how I am doing things “wrong” etc. Much happy that I turned it off, you are right!!

Anon ask about dress post:

rosiesimming: She did warn us that it was temporary. She tells us all the time what will only be available for a short time and it's her choice as a creator. Seriously, she doesn't even have to make stuff for us at all. She doesn't have to share, so be grateful for what we do get. CC creators get way too much shit from people that don't even know how to make things themselves. Just...be fucking grateful. >.>

Thank you, I was wondering if my post was just very hard to understand or something since I suck at typing!!

kyimu: There were warnings and even if not, she doesn't have to warn everybody about things she's doing on her blog. She has so many beautiful creations, doesn't use adfly and so on. Just as @rosiesimming said - be grateful. If you don't want to miss something again, become one of her followers, she deserves it anyway.

Yes the best way to catch the limited downloads is to follow! All the other cc are free and open at all times. But occasionally I like to do special things for the followers who actually support me! And I have met soo many nice people from that first limited dress I made (like you)!! Also I have said before I don’t mind sending the limited downloads out to friends later on! still they just whine on anon or straight up ask, not even a “hi” sometimes LOL that’s not FRIENDS!

itheaxel: And amu always leaves them on for days before taking it down. ^_^ I think you're being reasonable. <3

I’m happy it works easily for you! That was my intention xoxo

thesimperiuscurse: Oh dear. That sounds a bit entitled, nonny. Amu is kind enough to share her wonderful cc, and that should be more than enough. And in the end, it's only one dress for a computer game! There are many, many other dresses you can download :3

Thank you :) this is my feeling too. That anon also sent 4 more messages explaining what I should do instead in their opinion, but apologizing.. but it was still saying i should change how i release cc. so.... i guess it’s not just one dress to her lol

ktarsims: All I can say, Nonny... is that because you aren't on Tumblr yourself, you seem to be unfamiliar with the way things work here. Lots of simblr's make things. Many, if not most, make at least some things that are time-limited. The rule of thumb here is that if you want something, you should download it immediately. You don't have to install and use it immediately, but download it right away, because later it might be gone. There's also no point to trying to make the cc creators feel bad. It's their own creation, and each of them does as they see fit with their own creations. They share, or do not share, as they're so inclined. Sometimes whole blogs disappear overnight because someone decides they don't want to be here anymore. Be grateful for what you get, and know that if you missed out on something due to delaying to download it, you've only yourself to blame. Go look for something else.

I know about those dispearing blogs... when I first got back into Sims 3 after uninstall....... so much cc was just gone or hard to find. or adfly 1 2 3 just to get to nothing xD I just moved on and found other peoples great cc that was available. I probably wouldn’t do that lol I don’t see the benefit of deleting my open downloads when so many people already have it anyway.

Other thanks

Thank you to those who include me in those memes things tags. I will do them eventally, was jsut away from my desktop and mobile is too hard to make those post for me.

I am also a bit behind on checking out all of your latest posts because tumblr mobile app is torture to me xD

and finally Thank you kyimuuuuu !! I can’t wait to play cats&dogs soon and have my kitties in sims 4 too. My next lace dress cc will be for you ❤ ❤

#reply #txt

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raisbiramosa · 8 years ago

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City ‘Princess’ backpacking and Experiencing Pesantren living.

This is probably going to be an extremely poor written post as what i want to do is to capture the exact feelings i had while on the trip, without having to filter and restructure my words. I’m a Singaporean, we have a good command of English but being a unique multi-culural, multi-racial and multi-religious society how we experience things slightly differently. Essentially, we experience base on a mix of english chinese malay indian optics.

Okay, enough..

Idk how to say nice nice with proper grammar all. Well, actually i can, just that i won’t be able to capture the exact feelings, but i also OCD with not writing properly. Delete this don’t know how many times already. haha

Essentially, I’m 23, i don’t have the basic skill set that is mandated as a muslim. I can’t read the quran and i don’t know much about the deen, the sunah and what not. So i feel like 23, very late to start learning, so i wanted a more expedited learning.. And having been living in Singapore where amongst the muslim families here, learning the religion is practically secondary, optional in fact. Basically we go secular school 5 days a week, and possibly if the parents enrol them, they go religious class once a week. So if now i go do that, once a week, bile nak game.

So i was compelled to check out the pesantren. and so i did. Alhamdullilah with Allah’s grace and permission, i got in contact with people who were able to share and shed some light into this world that is so mysterious to me. To really understand what I’m ranting about here is a bit difficult uh. Cause you have to take into account the singaporean muslims view of religion, some more how the secular kids view madrasah kids. and then got how the media portray the religion..

So yeah, i wanna learn but i have reservations.

Aiyah the story is already all over the place. Essentially i took a 3 days trip, the first day was just to sight see my ancestral seat in Penyengat Island, close to or considered part of Tg Pinang I’m not sure. That’s the place my family used to be kings at, so just went to see see look look.

So i went early in the morning via Tanah Merah ferry terminal to Tg Pinang and on to Penyegat. The moment i stepped off the jetty at Tg Pinang a bazillion prospecting taxis and bikes tourist guide came upon me, reasonably got away from most of them but two were extremely degil, i kept saying no, but still they follow me. They say nvm, we friend friend talk talk first.

Then i was like, okay lor, you want follow, follow lor, i tell you already i no money to pay you. And i really didn’t bring much. So from there, first thing i thought, okay buy sim card for internet. Go buy already then go to another jetty for sampan to Penyengat. Then the guys still following, say need charter the sampan for 250,000 rupiah about 25sgd, then i was inside my head like “What?! i only change 50sgd eh.” Lucky i got read online it should cost no more than 20,000… So i told him that, and he was like “Ohhh.. that one follow the timing schedules, wait for sampan to full then go. that one only the locals use. the 250k is the whole sampan is yours.” Then i was like… again in my head… “Oh.. WTH! assuming this is a regular thing, they’re making tourist pay for entire boat rather than just queue. i mean if you’re told its the premium service is one thing, but this one don’t even give you option one eh. ” And thats not the end, when i decide to take the shared boat, he asked the guy for two tickets.. myself and him. I was taken aback, i thought i’d finally be rid of him.. nope he followed me to the island. But while seating down waiting for the boat, i took the opportunity to explain to him again, the nature of my trip and why i couldn’t afford to pay for his services.

That I was there to look for a pesantren, i literally just woke up in the morning bought a ticket from Singapore to Tg Pinang, changed what little money i had (50$) and went on my way. I even made it a point to tell him that i didn’t even book a hotel cause i couldn’t afford it, i was planning to stay at the cheapest hostel i could find or at worse seek shelter at the mosque.. And of course he was sceptical, “masa orang singafour nggak bisa ke hotel,” most indonesian has this misconception that Singaporeans are loaded beyond belief. Its not entirely unfounded seeing as the exchange rate is 1$ is to around 10,000 rupiah.. so when Singaporeans head to neighbouring countries they spend lavishly. His tone changed, he even offered to have me stay with him, though he still looked sceptical. I was also sceptical on the offer, so i initially at this point said no.

The boat ride and the entire tour of Penyengat Island was bitter sweet for me. i had always held my royal and noble ancestry in high regard but visiting there, whats left of its legacy. An island no larger than 2km squared with most of its royal palaces in ruins and unmaintained surroundings… I was done with the place in under 3 hours.

We head back to Tg Pinang, the bigger island, main island i suppose. We went for lunch, i was extremely famished, but i didn’t want to eat since i had a tag-along and needed to pay for two when i can barely afford it. Well i could afford it if i eat at one of the warongs or street vendor. But.. i was also scared, cause if i travel with my family, we usually macam paham only want to try the street food, but we’d usually end up at a restaurant. but this time round i can’t afford it. So to a warong we went. i figured okay fine, get a bottled drink and get something that is cooked in a reasonable setting. After we’re done he offered again if i want to stay at his place the night, if so i can drop off my bag at his place and freshen up before we go to the pesantrens… in my head i was like “as if! crazy uh. i barely know you. later i do that, i lose everything or while I’m out someone will ransack my bag looking for valuables.” So i said no, but yeah we went to the pesantren and talk with Ustaz and Uztazah there.. due to age they couldn’t accept me, but recommended another place that might. but that place in 27 km away from the city.. i was like again in my head “oh shit. No thanks”

Then he ask again, now that we’re done where i want go, I’ve got no where to be, it was around 3pm. i decided to see if his offer to stay at his place was legit, we were on the bike, so i asked him to stop by the side so i could show him my wallet and how much money i really had. He looked and said its fine, lets get back to his place first. Introduced to his family and all. Just stayed there chatting about random things. They were poor. As we chatted the wife was saying she told her husband “Anak singafour, mau kemari, rumah burok ini, bisa nggak dia.” And i told her, better than if i had no shelter at all, right.

We just continued chatting for hours, and she was telling me of her kids and what not and one particular story got to me.. One of her son’s, the elder was accused of stealing one of his classmate’s new camera. solely, or mostly on the account that he was poor. “Oh you’re poor so it must be you that have stolen it to sell.” Of course he said no, they didn’t believe him even the teachers and all, to the point of having the parents come down so the teachers could interrogate him in their presence but later it was found out it was another student and he was more well to do but wanted to spend more money that his parents didn’t want to give. What got to me was the viciousness, people were willing to accuse and torment. It was eye opening, how the poor or poorer are treated. It disgust me.

Closer to the evening was join by her younger son, a well mannered and well meaning young man of 15 but is bigger than most 18 year olds of Asia. Conversing with him, every choice he makes seems only for one cause, the betterment of himself and his family. Stopped lepaking entirely to concentrate fully on exams, he loves loves loves volleyball and basketball could see it in his eyes when he’s talking about it, stopped that too for exams. Doesn’t smoke to stay as healthy and fit as possible to have the best chance of enlisting in the army. Other times play tournaments to help support himself.

After chatting for an hour he said he had arranged to play football with some of the other school and kampong kids, its been over a month since he played due to exams. All he had were torn shoes and at that point the mom was with us. She was lamenting how expensive good shoes were, about 600,000 rupiah, and how she was sorry that she couldn’t get her son a new pair and how thankful she was that unlike many other kids, her son always tries his best to make do and not claim beg and insist for new ones. There was a moment between the two of them, the son was embarrass but from his expression was probably trying to relay to his mom that it was okay and that she didn’t need to say this things.

Later we went out to a food place nearby he insist that i ate and he wasn’t hungry. Think he was just embarrassed to get anything, when i insisted he got something, all he wanted was juice, and even that he was soooo happy and thankful. It might have been just 15,000 rupiah to me, but apparently its what he gets for a full day of school when his parents can afford it, sometimes none.

We really don’t realise how lucky we have it.

Shower time. haha. the entire family was so concern. they didn’t have a shower head. not even a shower. its a bucket on a pulley, water from a well. yeah, you’ve guessed it, the shower room was built above a well. it was quite an experience, they were also concerned that i use heater at home, and that well water is extremely cold. It wasn’t. it wasn’t as cold as i thought.

i couldn’t really sleep that night, they were extremely kind people, the son vacated his room to me. I protested but they made it seem like they sleep together in the parent’s room all the time. So of i course i had to tease him, a 15 year old still sleeping in the middle of his parents. haha.. but who knows, it must have just been a courtesy to me. Which i am extremely thankful for. The room only had wardrobe, table and a mattress. Well it was a rather thin mattress I’m not used to, and my body was aching from all the walking earlier and not to mentioned the rats sound (eewwwww!!!! rats i cannot. no way hoe sei. ill take on a lion anyway over a rat.)

Morning came. I didn’t want to get anything cause i mentioned my reservation with warong food. But of course the dad insisted, he said he’d get me Nasi Lemak, but he came back with Lontong as Nasi Lemak was sold out. Of course i had to eat it.

By this point i was feeling really bad about the condition of their place and all. And how even when they have little they wanted to share it out of the goodness of their hearts. i told you i showed the dad my wallet, so seeing i only have so little, he only asked for 100,000, he said he wouldn’t have even taken that if he could but he really needed it to buy certain essentials. But throughout my stay at their place, the food they bought me, the snack and the drinks, by warong standard he must have spent at least 40,000 rupiah on me. I was feeling bad and i wanted to help slightly, with what i could, i only had 40sgd in my wallet, i wanted to give it to the son the get a new pair of shoes but thought better of it, so i gave the dad. Of course, he was like “are you sure,” and also cause i had told him that the 40sgd was for my ferry ticket. which it was… but i could buy the ticket online and charge it to my singapore debit card. And i wanted to do something nice for the kid, so i hid 50,000 rupiah in his school pass, if he finds it soon, he’s on school holiday, can go enjoy, whatever that small amount could get him la. if not, later can use as pocket money lor.

i wanted to leave at around 10am to head over to Batam to check out another pesantren. But while chatting the father insisted i should fist the 27km away pesantren, he said at least i’d have something to compare to. so we went.

i just about broke when i saw the place. i couldn’t do it. It is 27 km away from the city, the road there was horrible, it was 15 km away to the nearest shops, 15km of farmlands and forest greens and only greens . On top of that you still have to go off the beaten path on red soil road. The entire compound was huge but largely due to the fact that they also had some farming. Woah. Just on the path and i was almost certain i couldn’t do it. The school, the dorm, the canteen, the mosque was so far apart. Walking distance but far. There were so many flying bugs and since its farmland i was concern of the rats. The dorm if you could call it that was just a huge hall, when you enrol you’re suppose to bring your own mattress if you wanted to use one or you could just sleep on the floor and bring a cabinet for your things. The only upside here was that, they follow the secular school’s schedule, so while the kids are at school, i was offered one of the hafiz’s service to tutor me one on one. Nope i can’t do it, I’m too city for that. Wah sure die sia.

So i was like “okay nvm, go see the batam one.” Cause the one at Batam is more modern and formal. Its backed by a Qatari Sheikh and came recommended by Singaporeans and other Indonesians i spoke to. As in its renowned that random people i spoke to has heard of it.

Was expecting to pay 200,000 rupiah for the ferry ride, but it end up costing only 52,000 i think, my A&W cost more. But i was expecting to disembark at Batam Centre, nope, it was at a more local terminal Telaga Punggur Ferry Terminal. Distance from terminal to the pesantren is the same as distance from Batam Centre to pesantren.

i wasn’t really expecting much. I thought i’d just come in walk around, ask for tuition and lodging fees then leave. But thank God i decided to make contact in SG. Faris > GF > GF cousin > friend. Thank God. Such nice accomadating people. GF Cousin, Uqasyah, the night i texted him i wasn’t really expecting a reply. Cos most people wouldn’t really entertain a random number.. Got a nice surprise when just after midnight, right when i just doze off my phone went off like crazeeeee. 25 messages at once, sape tak terbangun sey gitu, He gave an entire groundwork of what i should expect and made a point over and over again to reiterate the obstacles and challenges i’d face if i so decide to enrol. Thank God for that as well. With all this considerations, i decided i should check out these spaces first before committing. So i did just that on this trip.

oh wells enough flashback. Here i am in a cab, in a foreign land, trying to find the meeting spot I’ve never been to, trying to find some guy i have never laid eyes on. Acquinted thru another guy I’ve never met. Umair. (See, don’t their names just SCREEAAM MADRASAH.) Well done Raja. Of course, my culture what I’m used to, all the pretension and first impression bullshit. Dalam taxi da busy pomade hair all.. then when i almost reach the meeting point he told me he was wearing green long sleeves. I saw him first being in the car and i was on the opposite road. First thoughts, “Woah. Singaporean? He’s adapted. Looks Arab-ish/Indian-ish/Indo-ish. Didn’t know what to think. (sorry hor belum pape da judge)” I knew i like the kid already from the text when he told me he was riding without license. So refreshing. Singaporean madrasah kid that breaks rules. Nice. Cause my idea of budak madrasah macam goody two shoes gitu kan. At least that was the idea in my head. Oh and did i mentioned i was rupiah broke, so he offered to pay first for the cab. In my head I’m already like “Woah busy gile. belum jumpe belum kenal da nak bagi pinjam duit. ni die da bayar aku chao ke ape ke macam mane die nak claim.” Nasib lepas tu terus go beli makan and tukar duit. bayar balik on the spot. Oh and mase tu die guna english macam aku guna bahase indonesia, teragak agak. Tapi lepas 15 minutes gitu agak da switch on balik switch english die, da okay.

Got food, bought some drinks and head for the pesantren or Ma’had. Masuk kampong okay not so bad, then there it is again, muddy uneven pebbled road.. i was like “Seriously! Again?! Ape sey, sekola pesantren ni semua road gini pe.” I was shock cause i was expecting a lot for this school as it came highly recommended, and was backed by Qatar (point to note was that, before i reach the place i had thought it was backed by the Qatari government or Qatari royal family, it isn’t its backed by a private businessmen Sheikh.), pictures online looks different (it was angled nicely. hmm..), people spoke of the school as though its the best most modern most up to date facility in all the pesantrens and ma’hads of indonesia. I should realised that these people’s perception and what they’re used to is way different, they lived in Tg Pinang slightly urban but still sort of kampong, i came from metropolis Singapore. Even among Singaporeans I’ve always been ups in the things i like. Not rich or anything like that, but i know quality and i work for it. I get lesser things but better. To put it in perspective, i’d get one more pricey good shirt then two bad ones, but not like extreme extreme one uh. i still lived within my means, and that wasn’t really all that much.

First stop, the dorms. Here i was extremely crestfallen, the entrance was marked by a makeshift hut. To say i was taken aback is a downplay. I was thinking “Serious uh. the rest area is self made? Made with random wood findings? Ape sey ni. What have i gotten myself into.” Turns out it was nothing of that sort, it was an arts & craft project of sort, the ma’had has international students from all over asia; so as a contribution they make up something in the pesantren with recycle items. Maybe if i enrol, Singapore can contribute an even smooth-ish road? haha. The dorm’s outside is a platform area, sort of like ambin like that, can seat together to mingle. The room was made for six, three double storey beds and three wardrobes shared two each with a single toilet to be shared. it didn’t look too bad, especially considering my reference to a pesantren dorm was one of empty open room that sleeps twenty. The toilet was quite an experience, the water system needed to be switched on at two points outside of the dormitory itself before filtration would start and water would be pumped into the dorm toilet piping. Have to wait for like 40 minutes to fill a five gallon bucket. So they had to collect water, in form of four buckets of five gallons to be shared. Around this time, was asar, so had to take wudhu, thats where i learnt that there were still different opinions whether or not one can wudhu-fy with water that has been collected (having aways had access to water thru piping, i didn’t realise it might be an issue to wudhu-fy when you lack access in other parts of the world).

Also when we’re about to pray, i was wearing ¾ pants and singlet, yes it covers my aurat, but apparently its in poor taste to face Allah without minimally cover to below the knee closer to but above the ankle and to minimally put on a tshirt but preferably a long sleeve top. Of course kena marah sikit. Sorry la, tk tahu.. (Hmm… *thinking* but nvm, wanna learn right. If you’re reading thanks btw).

Wanted to go to the school portion, but wasn’t able to as the pm timeframe is reserved for the muslimahs. Oh wells waited for the next day.

So that day itself, got to talk to quite a few persons from all over asia. Thais, Malaysians, Indonesians, Pinoys, Cambodians. Bebual macam ayam and itik, cause not all can speak english or indonesian, the intermediary language there being arabic, and i obviously don’t speak. Everyone was like “masmuk masmuk. or was it masmuka masmuka” and i was like “ape sia nyamuk nyamuk,” at least sahlan way sahlan tu ku paham la. haha

towards the later part of the afternoon went to the futsal court with Umair, went by the mosque. had to go thru hutan sey to get there. and the masjid, seriously eh, belum siap (but that seems to be the case for most of it all over Tg Pinang and Batam, entah lah tak plan budget properly ke ape..)

Malam lepak at coffeeshop, mak ai punye pedas nasi goreng die. Dua teh botol tak cukup. Balik gi ma’had lepak ngan Umair and Abg Dzul sampai very late. I would’ve been fine with not sleeping, was suppose to sit in the classes to observe but if i didn’t want to it wouldn't be an issue, but the two of them absolutely have to go to lesson both on last and second last term. I came to get a feel, to hear what they have to say, but in the end aku pulak yg banyak membebel. But okay, speaking to all of them was very nice, no pretension nothing, everyone seem to be interested and genuinely curious. God haven’t had one of those in a while.

Sleeping arrangements. God i still feel bad about that, Umair vacated his bed and opt for the floor. Absolutely grateful that he did, but he shouldn’t have. Wanted to argue, but didn’t know how. Though by morning i was absolutely certain that second night i was gonna grab the floor first. Its not nice you know, you came over to someone’s place practically unannounced and then take over their space. I wouldn’t have liked that, so i was uncomfortable doing that. oh and i would have been more comfortable on the sleeping bag anyways, at least the floor is even, don’t know how y’all do it, i could feel the bed frame’s panels that supported the mattress.

Subuh. Solat timing here i felt was interesting, in SG it’s accurate to the minute, but here seems like they’re slightly more lax, theres a good 15 min gap at least after the prayer timing (according to online) before i’d hear the azan. Maybe cause they don’t have the system or facility in place to be as accurate? i don’t know. oh wells.

Day 2. i only had two sets of proper clothing, and since i hadn’t planned on staying over at the ma’had, i didn’t have extra clothes for account of this extra day, all i had left was 3 quarter and singlet (my sleeping kit). So was planning on skipping the classes and possibly do it the next day, thank God i didn’t, plans changed, the next day became a holiday and i left for home. Umair insisted that i went, going so far as to forced me into his largest thob, seeing as i am huge and he’s not. Oh wells, i did also cause in the moment my head was telling me that all this nonsense of no clothes and whatever other excuses i was coming up with was cause i was afraid and setan was playing on that.

So i went. Well a little background was that i was questioning the short school hours of 8 am to 1200 pm, well needless to say around the second hour i stopped questioning it entirely. God was i drained. Everythng was in arabic, and as one of the Ustaz put it when the entire class was hammering him about my not being able to speak arabic “He needs to learn doesn’t he. What better way then to use the language.” So he insisted on speaking arabic to me and making me guess whatever he was saying or asking and EXPECT an answer, obviously i sat there dumbfounded, then he’ll feed me the answer and expect me to repeat phrase by phrase. God was it an experience. Pening pe kepala.

I don’t know where to put this in this post, but i feel this place is a good place as any. I grew accustomed to speaking english first, so when i need to speak malay in my head it’d be in english and i need to translate before saying it. Soooo… Indonesian has to go thru english to malay to indnesian. First day on the trip my head want to burst already have to speak Indo all the way. Then here i am needing to convert one second english another second Indo then malay then arabic then Indo then english. God was the entire thing overwhelming. by the time the break came at 10.30 i didn’t wanna sit in class anymore, i left for the dorms. IN FACT, when the moment i met Umair by that roadside, i was so so so extremely relieved to be able to speak full paced complete sentences english.

Conclusion:

1) It’s a really beautiful place to pick up arabic, it being the intermediary. You have no choice but to learn and use to be able to communicate.

2) People were awesome, most would give salam and attempt to get to know you, you feel welcomed. Others were recluses, but that might have been cause of the language barrier.

3) No TV, internet rabak, really good place to just study and study. Quite a few all they do is read the scriptures when the have free time, really nothing else to do. Especially for me, bola pun tak main.

Things to be grateful for/Have too long taken for granted:

1) Access to water. Omg, i had to use a well, imagine my appreciation for piping now. Even at a place with piping, have to open tap and filter the water and collect water in bucket. I was was to wash mouth with the water la sia. Eh over here kau step geli nak minum air paip, kat sane tak bole pun sia, kau minum, besok masok hospital.

2) Even and smooth roads. As in without portholes and pebbles and what not. Omg seriously, off road travelling takes on a new meaning. “Ape nak motocross? motocross fun? uh kau try uh hari hari nak kena motocross.” Tak complain lagi lena bayar road tax mahal mahal. go jer.

3) Financial means. At least i know what i can afford. At least i know i’d get a job if i weren’t so choosy. Omg the family i stayed with, allowed me a taste of what it means to really be pushed around. Sigh. I was going crazy in my head and in my heart, especially since i was so powerless to do anything, imagine how they felt. Seriously, thank you Allah that i have always been given the strength to choose, and never in my life was i powerless to choose.

4) The air, the dust. Omg rashes all over. So itchy!!

5) Cool and cold refrigerated water. Hais sekola takde fridge.

6) My room. haha. My comfy mattress, my power fan, my total darkness when trying to sleep, my alone space. The pesantren in pinang literally an empty room, sleep on the floor. the ma’had’s mattress thinner than my comforter duvet.

Totally don’t know where to put;

1) Omg penat pe cakap dalam bahasa yang tak biasa. Now i have an understanding, kesian pulak all this foreigners yang datang SG, so much things to adapt to.

2) Omg air as in water, seriously leceh pe access dorang.

3) Kena solat atas batu. Adoi. Sini carpet tak cukup tebal je. Ni Masjid taqua baru tukar lagi, so thick. Sedap giler. Haha

4) First day balik, so many thing to be grateful for. Ingat rase sakit semua, ingat ape yang kita dapat lebih dan harus mensyukuri. Ni da hari kedua makin lupa. Hari ketiga.. sigh.. nak tulis ni pon da barely ingat. Anyways it took me three days to type all this down. Kalau bole perasan dari penulisan, yang atas atas lebih in depth. oh wells. what Allah wills will happen, will happen, otherwise no power but his.

Postscript

Sorry if i offended anyone while i was there or thru this post, this is just my honest account. One man’s view. One extremely lucky and pampered view.

Thank you all that helped me along on this trip one way or another. Faris and GF for helping me make contact to Uqasyah. Uqasyah for getting me in contact with Umair. Umair for the hospitality, inviting me to stay and everything. And for forcing me to go for lessons. Cik Syamsir and family for having me stay in their home while i was in Tg Pinang. Other hospitable and friendly people of the ma’had, sorry i told ya i wasn’t gonna be able to remember names, some that i could Ustaz Fajar, Saifullah, Abg Dzul, Shafiq. Sorry Thai’s, i couldn’t even make up your names when you masmuk me and told me, much less to remember.

Trip blessing.. I've always been told "kalau niat kita baik, insyaAllah, Allah will help you along," never have I felt that more strongly than while i was on this trip.. I had a bad perception of the tour guides due to their reputation, but Allah wills that I found a genuine one that was sincere to help, a protector to not be cheated while I was there and through him allowed me shelter for a night and the experience to be able to really reflect and be grateful to Allah. A kid that managed to show me true heart. A cabby in Batam that was also sincere in his service, wasn't trying to con me of more money on account that I'm a dumb tourist. Genuine in making sure I reach my intended destination, and not just the abstract address I was only able to provide. Genuine niceties from people. People who really want to help. People who go out of their way to ensure your comfort. True experience of how this place is before I commit.

#raisbiramosa

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