#idk maybe it's anger at my own brain for not being able to work properly

[shaunashipman]

I'm feeling a very impotent rage in this chili's tonight

[spotofimagines]

Unveiling A Secret ~ Isaiah Jesus

A/N: This was going to be something completely different but when I started writing it turned into this so I’m gonna write a part 3 and maybe even a part 4, who knows. I didn’t want it to be too long so I split it up. I’ve got a harry potter request I’m working on next and I’ll start on part 3 after that, but I’m slow at writing so idk how long it will take me. Hope you enjoy!

Requested by: broadwayblinder and a couple others

Warnings: pregnancy, marriage

Summary: Before your secret comes out, there’s an important person who needs to know, but will their reaction change your future plans?

Part 1(Keeping A Secret) - Part 3(No Longer A Secret)

Tommy now knew about your secret and, true to his word, had managed to keep it just that. A secret.

You knew he hadn’t told anyone by the way Finn still offered you and Isaiah your doses of Tokyo, which at this point was piling up in your bedside drawer since you couldn’t say no to him. You also knew by the way Arthur questioned why Harry wouldn’t serve you drinks at the Garrison anymore. Luckily for you, Tommy formed the story of you simply wanting to maintain your health. Arthur found it peculiar but just shook his head at the way kids were nowadays, unaware that Tommy’s demand to Harry was so you wouldn’t be drinking in secret.

There were plenty of moments when you and Tommy would catch eyes across a table or room after someone’s words and you would see him silently telling you to speed up your process before saving your secret from slipping out. You knew you had to tell the rest of your family at some point but you were so concerned about their reaction that you had tried to hold it off for as long as possible.

That was until Isaiah got fed up of hiding such a big thing from people. It reminded him of when the two of you would sneak around your family when you first started dating, kissing in empty halls and holding hands under tables, and how annoying it was for him not to be able to love you openly like he wanted to.

So he made you a deal; he would tell his father about it - just the two of them - and regardless of his reaction, you would tell your family the day after. Isaiah had been putting off telling his dad as much as you had avoided telling your family because he knew he wasn’t in the situation Jeremiah wanted him to be in. Being the religious man that he is, Isaiah knew it wouldn’t be an easy chat for his dad to have.

However, the deal was done and your promises to reveal your pregnancy had lead you to where you were, leaning against the front of the house next the Isaiah’s and fighting every urge you had to smoke the stress away.

Your feverent thoughts of what you would say to your brothers the next day got interrupted when you heard the handle of Isaiah’s front door twist and open. The two men said their goodbyes and when the door closed Isaiah turned to face you, making you straighten at the way his expression quickly changed from cheerful to exhausted. He started walking in your direction and held his hand out to the side, ready to feel your touch. He responded to the squeeze of your hand and your small smile by letting out a deep huff. “Come on, I need a drink.” He mumbled as he pulled you alongside him down the street.

Your shoulders slumped at his lack of optimism as your feet fell into rhythm walking next to his. “So how did it go?” Your voice was as gentle as you could make it but you couldn’t hide your nervous curiosity. If Jeremiah thought this was bad then you had no hope with Arthur.

“He was …” Isaiah’s hand rubbed the back of his neck before sighing, “disappointed, but not mad, so thats good.” He looked down at you and gave you a quick, weak smile. You could see the trepidation he was trying to hide and you moved your eyes to the end of the street so you wouldn’t get lost in his fear. You expected Isaiah to leave it, to wait until you were alone in the evening and you would push him to talk about it.

But he didn’t. His gaze stayed on you and after a few seconds of thinking, he nudged your arm slightly with his. When you didn’t look back at him, he contemplated not saying anything and letting you stay unaware of the big question on his shoulders. But he couldn’t let the thought mingle in his brain without your help.

“He thinks we should get married.” Your breath hitched in your throat and Isaiah noted the reaction. But he also noted how your hand didn’t grip his any tighter, your shoulders didn’t tense and your feet didn’t fall a second out of place, almost as if he had simply told you the weather forecast for the day.

He waited for a response from you, but when you replied with silence he sighed with frustration. He knew you were scared but he was too, and he needed to know what you thought about things. His dad’s intentions weren’t far from his own - he couldn’t deny having thought about marriage before - and the idea was steadily growing on him. But you were leaving him grasping for straws when all he wanted was a yes or a no, more than content to deal with the outcome of your answer when it came.

So when you crossed the road and got the other side of the street, he pulled you out of the way of passersby and moved you against the wall, making sure your focus was purely on him.

“I mean, it doesn’t sound crazy, does it?” His hands were holding yours, giving you the familiar feel of his comfort despite his tall frame standing over you. His eyebrows furrowed as he studied your face for an answer. “We love each other, right?” “More than anything.” You said instantly, your thumbs rubbing over his knuckles softly. “We’re,” he looked around a second then took a breath, closing the gap between you and said lowly, “we’re having a baby together. Does it not just feel right?”

You looked into each other’s eyes for a minute as you both let his reasoning settle in your mind. You gulped, conflicted as to what to say. You were still young and marriage seemed like such an adult thing, but at the same time you loved Isaiah, you loved him to hell and back, and you just knew deep down that if you didn’t get married now then you’d only be slowing down the inevitable. But still, you couldn’t be sure the timing was right.

“I don’t know Is, maybe, I-” “Come on Y/N!” He cut you off, irritation growing as he rolled his eyes. “What’s stopping you? What’s putting you off?” His voice was louder than it probably should have been, one of his hands leaving yours to shoot out to the side in annoyance. You were used to seeing him blow up in anger, having witnessed him in fights plenty of times, but it was rarely ever targetted it at you and the whole ordeal was pretty unsettling. “It’s ‘cause you’re scared of what your family’s gonna say, innit?” He provoked, staring down at you, waiting for you to tell him he was wrong.

The only thing stopping you from hitting back at him with the same fire was the knowledge that the biggest cause of his outburst was fear. You couldn’t blame him for that, you felt exactly the same, pressured to do what you think would make your family happy whilst making sure the two of you were okay before even considering your own wellbeing. It all piled up and it was starting to burst out of Isaiah. 

A breaking point was nearing you too, and simply just thinking about all these fears and worries mixed with Isaiah’s anger was tipping you closer to the edge. You felt tears filling your eyes and you looked at the ground to try and stop them falling down your cheeks. You felt Isaiah’s breath ghost over you as he sighed and lowered his hand back to his side.

“Look, if anything, getting married makes it easier for you to tell people about it,” he tried to give his reasoning, making his voice loud enough for just the two of you as his hands found your waist and subtly slid forward a little to feel your small bump. “And I’m sure my dad would be more than happy to officiate it.” There was a trace of joy in his words and a faint grin forming on his face at the thought. The corners of your mouth moved up at the sight of the radiance in Isaiah’s expressions whilst he looked down at his hands on you, thinking about how your wedding would look with both your families right by your sides.

“It would make Arthur less mad when he finds out, I suppose.” You teased. Isaiah shot his head up to look at you with eyes full of hope. His eyebrows raised as his smile grew. “Yeah?” You breathed out a small laugh and moved your hands up to his jaw softly.

“Well, maybe if you ask me properly, I’ll give you my final answer.” He chuckled quietly and let his forehead fall and rest against yours, his eyes closing as he took a deep breath. “I will,” he took a second before continuing, humming as his hands snaked round your waist, “I’ll make sure of it.” He muttered with bliss-laced words, his head moving into the crook of your neck whilst he pulled you as close to himself as he could get you. You melted into his warm frame and let your nerves out in a shaky breath, but Isaiah’s hands rubbing your back gently comforted you in a way only he could.

The feeling of his lips laying a loving kiss on the curve of your neck gave you the sign that, as much as he loved you and loved being in your arms, your conversation was done or at least on hold for now and all he would want for a while would be your nurturing company to keep him calm.

He kissed the base of your jaw and up to your lips, knowing it would make your sweet laugh play in his ears and soothe his heart from the heavy beating it had gone through in the past few moments. “Come on, I’m going getting that drink.” You nodded and smiled at his tired demand, your hands automatically falling in place together as you once again made you way toward the bar not too far away.

On your short walk, you couldn’t help the smile that graced your lips as you thought of nothing else but the love you felt for the man at your side and the small bump he’d given you. You knew that the future was going to be hard, especially the near future as the prospect of telling your family about your pregnancy still terrified you, but Isaiah’s strong yet tender presence let you be calm and know that even though things would be hard, he would make the ride managable and at times fun.

And sticking to his unspoken promise to keep you entertained during your pregnancy, he returned to join you in his bedroom after supposedly hanging out with Michael for a while, immediately sinking down on one knee. Following a long speech full of loving words, stories, jokes and even an interruption by Jeremiah, a plain silver band found its home on your left hand and somehow, the problems you felt in that same morning got washed away by the overwhelming devotion and commitment you shared with your upcoming life with your new fiance.

[side-effect-of-the-meds]

Hey! There's this hc that's been on my mind for a while now but it's a bit dark so I've kinda been scared to ask people about it because IDK how it'd go down.... Okay, it's AFTG, and: What if after Aaron's trial with the whole Thanksgiving thingy they propose Aaron should be on mood altering drugs? What would happen? What would people do?? Also I know there are some fanpeople that don't like how Andrew's medication was represented in the books so I completely understand if you'd rather not reply

I’m sorry this took so long and I’m sorry for my recent inactivity. I’m still not ready to come back from my surprise hiatus but here’s this. It’s largely unedited so please forgive my bullshit. Thanks so much for the ask, love <3

“Aaron Minyard was oft-referred to as "the normal one" of the two, though that was usually followed by a debate over whether or not he could be sane when he shared genes with Andrew.”

Anyone with half a brain knows that Aaron doesn’t need the drugs. Hell, anyone with half a brain would have known better than to put a minor on something so strong but Andrew was on them for like 4 yrs + Exy is a thing so obviously no one in this universe has a single functioning brain cell. Another thing to be considered is that Aaron is a rehabilitated drug addict. He’s been sober (or as close to sober as he’s going to get) since he was 16. In the real world, I seriously doubt they’d put him on anti-psychotics, especially considering his past. But this is The Foxhole Court and I’m invoking suspension of disbelief. 

Screams reverberated through Aaron’s head. There weren’t many words Aaron could discern amid the broken sobs and dry heaving. The overwhelming stench of vomit hit his nostrils. Pain shot through his left arm. It was likely dislocated from ramming it into the door at an odd angle. Staggering to his feet, Aaron saw himself in the mirror. Dark circles rimmed his bloodshot eyes. A cruel smile slowly curled the lips of his reflection. Andrew. Swinging a punch at him with his good hand, the mirror shattered. Shards of glass embedded themselves into his fist. Blood ran in rivers down his arms. 

His surroundings distorted, exchanging the soft glow of yellow bulbs for the harsh glow of fluorescents. The blood was gone along with the mirror shards. In their place was a motley of scars. None of them seemed too severe. The acrid smell of smoke clung to the air and mixed with the alcohol and vomit, making Aaron’s stomach roil. The sound of someone retching caught Aaron’s attention. Whirling around, Aaron felt his heart stutter. Matt lay twitching on the floor in a pool of his own spew.

“That’s what you looked like,” Andrew said from beside Aaron. “Pathetic.” The word echoed through Aaron’s head. 

“Aaron?” Nicky said, laying a hand on his shoulder. Aaron jerked away from him as though he’d been burned. Nicky’s face crumpled. Aaron’s gaze darted around the room.Taking stock of his surroundings helped ground him. Overstuffed chairs lined one of the walls. Three sofas boxed off the corner they were sat in. Orange fox prints decorated the white walls, a name, number, and photograph at the center of each. Aaron was back at the Foxhole Court. 

“I told you not to touch him.” Andrew’s voice froze the blood in Aaron’s veins. Stalking forward from the corner he’d been standing in, he moved to stand in front of Aaron. Cold brown eyes identical to Aaron’s own now held his gaze. Aaron wanted to look away but, as always, there was something about his brother’s eyes that never failed to command his attention. 

“How’s he going to play if he’s medicated?” Kevin asked. Aaron felt his heart sink. After spending two years with him, Aaron should have known better than to expect Kevin to care about anything other than Exy but he couldn’t help it. Just as he’d begun to think that the last few months had meant something, Kevin squashed the tiny bud of hope that had blossomed in Aaron’s heart.  

“How are you going to play if I break your other arm?” Andrew snarled. Aaron watched the color drain from Kevin’s face. A part of him wanted to smirk in Kevin’s face. It served the asshole right. All Kevin ever thought about was Exy. Exy and himself. Half of the things the foxes had been through could have been avoided had it not been for Kevin. They wouldn’t have suffered the graffiti attacks nor would they have been constantly dogged by the media. They sure as shit wouldn’t have had Neil and the mafia to contend with had Kevin not been such a selfish asshole, insisting on dragging that good-for-nothing junkie out of the middle of bumfuck Arizona. 

A larger part of Aaron wanted to cradle Kevin in his arms and protect him from Andrew’s wrath. Had Kevin not run, Aaron would never have had the chance to feel the press of Kevin’s vodka drenched lips on his. He definitely wouldn’t have had the chance to hear the soft keening moans that fell from Kevin’s lips when Aaron fucked into him. Worst of all, there would be no soft smiles or lazy kisses before Kevin drifted off to sleep.  

“Andrew,” Neil’s voice was uncharacteristically gentle. Well, not really. Neil’s voice was always gentle when he spoke to Andrew. Gentle and tender and full of love. Aaron couldn’t help but notice the way his brother’s brow softened and his shoulders drooped. Fuck you, Neil Josten. 

The door down the hall slammed shut. The sound of Coach Wymack’s footsteps echoed in the silence. Taking a moment to glance around the assemblage, Wymack read the room and decided it was best not to say anything. Instead, he held out a plastic bag. Aaron’s hand shook as he accepted it. A paper bag resided within the first. Extracting it, Aaron read the label. He’d seen the label a thousand times before but, up until today, it had always borne his brother’s name. 

Pills rattled ominously inside. Sweat slicked Aaron’s palms. Upending the second bag, the sight of the orange bottle jarred Aaron to his core. Andrew took the bottle from Aaron’s lap and squatted in front of him. 

“Two pills in the morning after breakfast,” he said. 

“And two again at 4,” Aaron finished. Andrew pried Aaron’s hand open before unscrewing the cap. Tipping two pills into Aaron’s palm, Andrew lay a hand on the back of his neck. Aaron knew his brother struggled to express his emotions but this was one gesture Aaron had learnt to recognize. It was a gesture of comfort meant to offer support. Staring into his brother’s eyes, Aaron forced himself to bring the pills to his lips. He swallowed them dry, painfully aware of every inch of their passage down his throat. 

Anyone watching knew that Aaron’s descent into madness was swift. Aaron himself didn’t know that, though. To him, time seemed to slow. Staring down at his hands, Aaron flexed his fingers. Were those his fingers? Maybe. Maybe not. Aaron opened his mouth and felt the skin around it stretch. Laughter bubbled out of him at the odd sensation. 

“Aaron?” Nicky asked. Aaron turned his gaze to his cousin and a smile split his face. Once again, the odd sensation of his skin drawing taut left him in a fit of giggles.

“It hurts,” Aaron said. 

“What hurts?” Kevin demanded. 

“Looking at your face,” Aaron replied. Had the words passed anyone else’s lips, Kevin’s anger might have flared to life. Instead, any remaining signs of life seemed to drain from him. Now it really did hurt.

Nicky had always told Aaron that if you looked at something over and over again, you would eventually get it. Perhaps it was because seeing the reward would motivate a person to work towards their goal, but no matter how much Aaron looked at Kevin nor how hard he worked, Aaron knew Kevin would never truly be his. Why he kept tormenting himself by staring at him, Aaron didn’t know. Maybe he was just as self-destructive as Andrew. 

Sadness welled up in Aaron’s chest. A bone deep yearning had settled into him long ago but he suddenly felt the full intensity of- 

“Stickball!” Aaron cried as Neil wheeled the racquet cart out. Rocketing out of his seat, Aaron caught his brother’s arm and yanked it hard. “Andy, come play stickball with me!” 

“Play what?” Kevin squawked.

“Who?” Andrew choked at the same time. 

“Stickball, Andy,” Neil said. A smile curled the edges of his lips. Kevin opened his mouth to say something but Aaron didn’t stick around to hear. Instead, he followed after Neil chanting ‘Stick! Ball! Stick! Ball!’, dragging Andrew along behind him. 

So that gives you a general idea of Aaron’s madness.

Unlike Andrew, Aaron doesn’t really fight his meds. Where Andrew was terrified of not being able to properly watch out for his family, Aaron finds himself freed from all his anxieties. As such, he’s quite content with drifting through his life. I’ve always hc’d the twins as ADHD but are undiagnosed so it’s just a more intense version of how he normally is.

In the last two years, Aaron’s managed to make quite a few friends so they do their best to support him. Since he can’t focus very well and is no longer burdened by his anxieties, I feel like he also kinda relaxes around them??? Like he’s not as awkward. Very easy, breezy, joking around all the time. They really enjoy how much he’s opened up but they care a lot about him and are scared because they don’t know how to help him with class. What ends up happening is Katelyn is an absolute sweetheart. She convinces all of their friends to sit at the front of the room to record the lectures and upload them to a drive along with any extra notes that’ll help Aaron.

All the Foxes have to go to tutoring but Aaron’s tutor gave up the second he started his meds. After getting special permission from Wymack, they cut that time out and changed up the practice schedules a bit so Aaron could get out early and head back to Fox Tower. Once he’s made it through withdrawal, Katelyn will sit him down and help him work through his assignments. She’s a godsend. 

Aaron is usually off his meds on weekends. He usually goes out to Columbia with the Monsters. He still dances with Nicky and has his fair share of fun. They go to the mall pretty often bc there’s a carousel with spinning tea cups. The twins have spent an entire afternoon riding the spinning tea cups, competing to see who hurls first. Aaron almost always wins. Andrew will take him out late Saturday nights and speed down closed sections of highways or do donuts in parking lots because they're both dumbasses with death wishes. 

One weekend a month, Aaron remains at Fox Tower with Katelyn for spa day where they wax poetic about their respective crushes. Kate’s got a bit of a thing for a boy on the lacrosse team. Aaron screams bc he hates the guy. One time, at a party, the dude was talking to Kevin, shit talking both Kayleigh and Exy, completely unaware of exactly who he was talking to. Kevin ended up with a blackeye but the lacrosse kid couldn’t play for nearly two months. 

Speaking of Kevin, he’s only thing that ever seems to hold any of Aaron’s attention. He’s just so… pretty. If Exy is Neil’s shiny object, then Kevin is Aaron’s. Since Aaron makes even less of an effort to pay attention than Andrew did, there's times when he straight up can’t play. It infuriates Kevin to the point where Aaron gets pulled off the court. At first he doesn’t mind because it means that he can sit back and watch Kevin without any fear of getting caught. However, ever since he got put on his meds, Kevin hasn’t touched him. Not even in a non-sexual way. Before, there were casual touches: a hand on the small of Aaron’s back, shoulders pressed together as they squished into a booth, ankles hooked beneath the table. Now? There’s nothing. Kevin leaves a conspicuous space between himself and Aaron and it’s the only thing Aaron can feel anymore. 

So he starts paying attention on the court. Whenever they have a scrimmage, Aaron makes sure that he’s marking Kevin. Everytime Kevin crashes into him, Aaron’s consciousness slams back into his body. The heat of Kevin’s skin on his, their limbs tangled together, their ragged breaths intermingling, their helmets the only thing keeping their mouths from colliding together. Those little encounters are the only times when Aaron finally feels like himself. Those little encounters only last a few seconds and leave Aaron craving more, more, more. 

Aaron noticed that medicated Andrew was always brushing up against Neil but he’d never really thought much of it. Now he understood. Andrew had craved Neil just as Aaron craved Kevin. 

Speaking of Neil, he and Aaron get along well? I feel like Aaron is just as much of a smart mouth as Neil so the two of them just go around roasting the shit out of everyone. The drugs don’t change Aaron’s opinion of Neil but he begins to understand why Andrew broke their deal. Realizing that Neil didn’t steal his brother from him, Aaron starts to see the appeal in him. He’s stupid and funny and actually kind of pretty. Not as pretty as Kevin but pretty nonetheless. On weekends in Columbia, Aaron begins to notice all the things Neil does for his brother. Neil wakes up early in the morning to make breakfast and spends hours in the kitchen baking. He always picks up an extra pint of ice cream at the store and takes photos of stray cats to send Andrew. One time, Aaron couldn’t sleep and went to the kitchen for some water. His heart almost stopped when he heard Andrew’s rumbling laughter. Sneaking a peek around the corner, his heart really did stutter. Neil was standing on Andrew’s feet as he waltzed around the kitchen to the soft strains of music flowing from the radio. After aaron’s heart restarted, he hurried away because OH MY GOD ANDREW WAS LAUGHING AND DANCING AND HOLDING NEIL SO TENDERLY AND OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD

Okay so maybe Neil did sic the mafia on them but he also makes Andrew happy so that evens it out right? It’s v slow but Aaron is very slowly learning to accept Neil.

Slipping back to his room, Aaron placed a hand to his chest, feeling his heart racing a mile a minute. Off his meds, Aaron found it hard to stem the surge of jealousy threatening to overwhelm him. He was glad Andrew had found someone who loved him the way he deserved to be but didn’t Aaron deserve love too? 

A soft knock sounded behind him. Aaron nearly leapt out of his skin at the sound. Oh, fuck. What it was Andrew? What if he’d seen him? With shaking hands, Aaron opened the door. For the second time that night, Aaron’s heart stopped. 

Vodka stained lips crashed against his. Aaron’s mouth opened on impact and he felt the warm slide of Kevin’s tongue on his. A moan tore from Kevin, reverberating down Aaron’s thought. It was a shot right to his core. Suddenly, Aaron’s clothes felt too tight, his body too warm. Grabbing the collar of Kevin’s shirt, Aaron hauled him into the room. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Aaron panted as he tore himself away from Kevin.

“Missed you,” Kevin slurred as he leaned back in. Aaron shoved him away, sending Kevin crashing into the wall. The look of anguish that washed over Kevin’s features threatened to tear Aaron’s heart out of his chest. 

“You haven’t come near me in months,” Aaron hissed. “Why now?” Kevin opened his mouth but nothing came out. He tried two more times before dropping his gaze. 

“Because I got scared.” Wrapping his arms around himself, Kevin retreated into his shoulders. “No one’s ever made me feel like this before. All day, all night, you’re all I ever think about.”

“You don’t think about me on the court,” Aaron sneered.

“And you don’t watch me from the sidelines.” Aaron felt the blood rush to his face. It had been years since Aaron had prayed but now he begged God to bend the shadows of his room to hide the burning of his ears. “Exy was all I’ve ever had. Back then, I played to stay alive but now… now I play because I know you can’t take your eyes off me when I do.” Kevin reached out slowly, giving Aaron time to move away. Relief flooded his face when Aaron didn’t flinch. As Kevin’s hand cupped his face, Aaron leaned into the touch. Pulling their bodies flush against one another, Kevin bent down enough to rest his forehead against Aaron’s. “I don’t want Exy to be the only thing I love anymore.”

“Then pick something,” Aaron whispered. He could feel his heart slamming against his ribcage as though it was trying to escape. He knew what was coming but nothing prepared him for actually hearing it.  

“ I pick you,” Kevin replied. Their lips collided once more and Aaron let Kevin steer them to the bed. Collapsing onto it in a tangle of limbs, Aaron felt like himself for the first time in months.  

[readingwritingcrying]

I was wondering if you could write something about Crowley been jealous. I don't know maybe a costumer starts going to the bookshop and seems to really like Aziraphale. Idk if that makes sense lol. Thank you

@byoobitch I have written some jealous Crowley! Also, I learned quickly I am very bad at spelling the word jealous. Hopefully I caught all the times that I messed it up, please enjoy!

Crowley was not jealous. After all, why would he be? He’d known Aziraphale for over six thousand years, there was absolutely no way some human could come between that. Not with their limited life spans.

And besides, It’s not even like Crowley had any claim to the angel. They weren’t together. Not officially.

Sure, there was the (somewhat obvious) fact that Crowley had been pining after him since… well, the Beginning, if he was being honest. And he didn’t think it was unrequited per se. Just. Nothing had happened yet between them. They saved the world, dined at the Ritz, and went to Aziraphale’s bookshop to get properly drunk.

Vaguely, Crowley remembers flirting. He thinks there could have even been a peck on the cheek. But once the two of them had sobered up (the human way, as unfortunately they got a bit too carried away to remember to do it properly) Crowley hadn’t brought it up, and nor had Aziraphale.

Crowley specifically avoided the subject, even.

So when a nice good-looking ‘customer’ started coming in and finding a familiar place with Aziraphale, Crowley absolutely couldn’t be jealous.

And yet. There it was: that feeling that crawled in his belly, causing his jaw to clench and eyes to narrow at the man whenever he waltzed his way into the bookshop.

Which is exactly what Crowley was doing just then.  Usually, he was rather adept at scaring off costumers, and Aziraphale often appreciated it when he was around. But this one would get the message to back off his angel.

And Aziraphale wasn’t giving him it either.

The man – what was his name? Herold? Henry? – whoever he was, strolled into the bookshop with a smile, and Aziraphale greeted him pleasantly. Not at all with the usual offending nature, Crowley noticed, feeling downright grumpy.

There wasn’t any sign that Aziraphale wanted him to go, or even so much of a disapproving glance his way, but still, he found himself sulking into the back room instead of joining in. He made sure he could see (not because he cared if they got romantic… except maybe he did. He just didn’t want the human to do anything… untoward).

He heard Aziraphale gush excitedly about a book, and asking when the newest one might be, and very quickly Crowley started to realize he wasn’t a customer necessarily but a writer as well.

Something hot and vile sprang up in his chest. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew that Aziraphale would occasionally become so enamored with an author\s work he would end up having some sort of… relation with the author.

In fact, Crowley still had not read a single word from Oscar Wilde to that very day, perhaps for a similar reason.

He wasn’t good at that. He couldn’t write, could barely say the words he meant elegantly on a good day, and even though he was certain of something between him and Aziraphale… what if it wasn’t enough? If he wasn’t enough?

The thought caused his hands to clench into fists, pressing hard enough that when he released them there were deep indentations in the skin. He could hear laughter, and his eyes stung. Why couldn’t it be that easy between them?

Why, after six thousand years did his own standing with the relationship still feel like it was balancing on a knife’s edge? As if he did one thing wrong or if some other person sauntered into Aziraphale’s life it could all teeter the wrong way, and there was some insecure part of him that was saying that could very well be now.

Crowley crept to the doorway, leaning out just enough so that he could glimpse the angel. His cheeks were rosy with a soft smile, eyes bright, and Crowley thought he was so blessed beautiful he might just discorporate.

He couldn’t stand it.

Too bad there was a very pretty lady walking by, the sun hitting her just right as she strolled by the window of the bookshop. The man who had been talking (flirting) with Aziraphale had no choice but to notice her and how much he suddenly needed to get her number, thanks to a little demonic temptation.

Something cold and demonic swept through the bookshop, not that any human would be able to tell the difference. But to an occult (or ethereal) being, it reeked of sulfur.

A true demonic temptation usually wasn’t Crowley’s style. He preferred just to cause situations which gave the choice for humans to do the wrong thing, not actually change their will. But drastic times called for drastic measures.

As the bell rang and the door swung shut, Aziraphale turned on his heel to where he knew the demon to be lurking.

“Really, Crowley,” he huffed. “What in heaven’s name was that for?”

Crowley rolled his eyes, although he knew they wouldn’t be seen underneath his glasses. “Clearly not in heaven’s name, angel,” he retorted. “Just a little temptation, is all, nothing too unusual. I am a demon, you know,” he grumbled and growled his words.

Aziraphale’s face pinched. “It’s rude, Crowley. And not much like you.” His words were short, and Crowley could tell that the angel was becoming annoyed. Well. Too bad, so was Crowley.

“Don’t see how that’s my problem,” he said, voice haughty and cold.

Aziraphale stepped closer, arms crossed. “If you won’t at least explain, much less apologize, I think it would be best if you left, dear.” His cheeks were tinted red slightly in anger.

Dear. Why did Aziraphale have to call him that if he barely bloody acted on it! He was a mess of jealousy and envy and all the sinful emotions Crowley hated himself for feeling churned inside of him, lapping up to spill over the surface. 

“If anyone ssshould be flirting with you, angel, it’sss me, not him!” He snarled, teeth bared.

Aziraphale took a step back, face impassive, if a bit shocked.

Crowley blinked.

His expression of rage turned to one of shock, then regret, and something like embarrassment. “Fuck,” Crowley said, eloquent as ever.

“All that being true, it was still rude,” Aziraphale said quietly.

“M’ sorry, Aziraphale - wait. Ngh, What?” Crowley must be misunderstanding something. His brain felt like it was short-circuiting, so that was seeming extraordinarily plausible.

Looking him in the eye, Aziraphale spoke louder, although he wobbled on the words. “It should be you.” 

In the blink of an eye, Crowley had slammed Aziraphale back against a bookshelf, the books teetering, dangerously close to falling over. He had the angel pinned, and not completely gently. A light pink brushed softly over Aziraphale’s cheeks, and he made no move to try and push Crowley off of him.

Crowley leaned in, close enough that they were sharing the same breath. He could smell Aziraphale - warm and comforting, and everything he wanted to be his. But he paused. ‘Angel, could I..?” Despite the rush of emotions he was feeling, he managed to make his voice soft, fragile with the ever-present fear of rejection.

One gets damn good at that after thousands of years of pining, yearning, wanting, after all.

Before he could manage to complete his soft request, Aziraphale leaning forward, pressing his soft lips to Crowley’s. 

For a moment it was a soft, pure embrace as Crowley reeled from the feeling. His angel was kissing him, and it was perfect. Warm and loving and so much more than Crowley could have dared to think about just years prior.

But he needed more. Crowley bit down into Aziraphale’s soft bottom lip, a small gasp letting his tongue brush ever so slightly against his. He tilted his head, deepening the kiss and ignoring how his glasses knocked slightly into Aziraphale’s soft cheekbone. 

The kiss was a hungry, desperate thing, and something Crowley thought might just go on forever if he didn’t feel lightheaded with the feeling. When he pulled away, both of them were breathing a bit heavier than before.

“You know, jealousy is a good look on you, I think,” Aziraphale admitted shily. “Although I can assure you, none of that is needed.”

Crowley mumbled a response, not quite audible, but presumably admitting he may have, in the slightest, overreacted. “I think the last bit might be needed again,” Crowley finally managed, pressing a kiss to his angel’s jaw.

“Oh, you wily thing,” Aziraphale said, fondness deep throughout his voice. “I don’t think I could tire of kissing you.”

[fairycosmos]

hi chloe idk if youll see this but i only have a year left until college and i live in an abusive household. no one understands me and my mom and dad especially don't. my older sister doesnt seem to hold the patience to listen to whenever i do try and call her once annually. i dont know how much longer i can hold on. it literally hurts my mind so much thinking about all of it, especially after abusive episodes from them. im scared to live alone but i just cant wait to

gosh im so sorry to hear that love :( while i’m proud of you for making it this far and for being able to talk about it with me, it’s really awful that you’ve had to deal with it for so long, and that it’s happening to you in the first place. especially during your adolescence, which is a time when we’re all super impressionable. a time when we all feel like nothing is ever going to change. and i can definitely relate to nobody even taking the time to understand you, and to feeling like you’re being overlooked or forgotten. when we experience something like this our brains often to try to make sense of the actions of those around us by turning towards self blame, and internalizing all the negativity + manipulating it into self hatred. but i think its important to remember that you are not responsible for what others do, in this context. how they choose to treat you is not a reflection of you or of what you deserve, alright? your sister’s selfishness is a trait of her own. your parent’s anger is a result of their lack of control and self regulation. none of this is on you. it may be hard to truly believe that in this moment, but nonetheless i think it’s a sentiment you should try to keep close to your heart. it’s not your fault that you have been failed by the people who were supposed to protect you, and it doesn’t mean that any future bonds you form will turn out the same way. it’s normal to want to give up at times, but you must know that there’s a difference between temporarily feeling that way and actually acting on it in a very permanent way. i said this another anon the other day, but i mean it just as much: you have so much waiting for you. and you didn’t survive all of that for nothing. once you’re in college and you have autonomy over your own life, once you get to choose how much time you spend with your parents and how much you let them in - all of the pain and toxic beliefs you’ve built your world view around will begin to slowly dissipate. and that may be a life long process, but it’s supposed to be. you have all of the time in the world to build your own existence and to heal from what’s happened to you. there are so many different tools to utilize, paths to walk down and people to meet who will show you what it’s like to be truly loved. including yourself, the person you will grow into. if you just give yourself the chance. i know it’s not that much comfort in this moment because you still have to deal with your parents and their bullshit, but it’s good to consciously remind yourself of all the good that is out there. when you’re an anxious and hurt person, it’s common to suffer from a sense of impending doom or failure, but the reality of it will be so much more of a calm, gradual process than you realize.

that being said, i’m quite worried that you’re still in this situation and that your parents are just okay with periodically putting you through ‘episodes’. it’s NOT okay. and you have every right to process hurt, anger, bitterness, sadness, numbness because of it. while it may be painful, there is no shame in crying or in feeling whatever you need to feel. it’s a normal human response to such emotional turmoil, so try to go easy on yourself honey. you’re doing what you can with what you’ve been given. however, it’s important to understand that the presence of these negative emotions is never an excuse to harm yourself or worse. i understand that it’s extremely overwhelming, and that it may sometimes feel beyond your control. but even just attempting to put some positive coping mechanisms in place may make all the difference, even if they don’t work every single time. this can be anything from creating a safe space for yourself (in your room, or could be somewhere outside like the park or a library) to researching breathing techniques and self affirmations, to journaling or venting to your friends, to meditation to finding a comfort hobby/show to simply lying in bed and sobbing the feelings out and then going to sleep, maybe practicing some self care. every small effort counts, even if it feels like the dumbest thing in the world. if you keep it up on a semi consistent basis, you will notice a shift eventually. it’s possible to hurt and grow at the same time. i also think it could be a good idea to consider reaching out to someone about this - perhaps a school counselor, or a mental health hotline, or a support group in your area. maybe make an appointment with your doctor to see if they can recommend any resources, if possible? whatever works for you. i just really think it’s important that you understand on a very fundamental level that you have every right to talk about what’s going on, and that there are so many ppl out there who understand. who have even been through the same thing, and survived after it and thrived. i know this is one of those suggestions that feels very scary and like you just can’t do it, but if there’s any service available to you i’d really recommend utilizing it, or at least not ignoring the option all together. having someone you can be honest with and who can enable you to develop some self esteem, plus some added perspective so you don’t feel as ‘trapped’, will really make it all feel a little less heavy. consistent therapy/counseling will show you how to unlearn all of the mental habits you’ve developed over the years due to the treatment you’ve endured, and you deserve that relief. i get that it all feels like a lot of effort, and i’m not saying that doing this stuff is a quick fix. i’m saying that you have a life and an existence that is worth investing in, that is worth caring about. you are worth the world, FUCK your parents for making you question that due to their own mental and emotional issues. regardless of your past, you’re here and you deserve better. you will find better. you’re so much closer to getting ‘out’ than you realize. while it’s normal to be scared of living alone, humans adapt quite quickly. and you wont be alone in the way that you imagine, you’ll simply have agency over your own choices. like i said before, there are so many ppl who are going to show you what it’s like to truly treasured, who you haven’t even met yet. it’s just a matter of treating yourself softly, the way you’d treat a friend going through a hard time, until you get to that point. and also a matter of knowing your parents are full of shit. but anyway, this got far too long. i just have a lot to say, i hate how adults choose to have babies and then do this to them.....if you want to talk about it properly, or if you need a friend or anything. please feel free to send me a message. i’ll be here, and i believe in you !! one day at a time 💌

[whatelsecanwedonow]

Below a cut/tagging for spoilers initial TROS things:

Here’s my brain dump. That wasn’t Into Darkness bad, not at all, and I thought it might be considering I saw the leaked image of Kyle Ron and Rey standing together with two blue sabers months ago. I’ve been dreading what that meant. And there are definitely problems. This film isn’t Endgame-type good for wrapping up a saga. Yet... this is my favorite Star Wars movie, I think? Right now it is, we’ll see if my opinion holds on multiple watches. Despite there being a few moments of this:

And one particular moment of OH MY GOD THIS IS SO FUCKING GROSS MAKE IT FUCKING STOP. You know which moment!! Even if you reconnect with some light side of that man, Rey ol’ buckaroo, my gal, he has committed acts so evil, he has ended so many lives, you can’t fucking kiss him like even if you have compassion and empathy for the goodness that resides in him and for the man he once was and has found again. I LOVE Rey so much, so so much, for having those qualities but you need to have limits!! This has always been my problem!! Idk. I’m going to have to block that out for the rest of time, tbh. But I can then focus on why I love so many chunks of this movie: it’s Rey’s movie. Bulleted points:

Teaming everyone up worked for me, a lot. I loved that most everyone was together for long stretches of the film. I love the family they are.

Keri Russell must have shot for this movie for like... 2 weeks total, max, and I love her for it. I only wish Zorri and Poe would legit fuck and we could have a movie of their adventures.

Whoever edited this movie literally snorted a mountain of cocaine and then shoved another mountain of cocaine up their own ass. This movie was paced and edited horribly. And the writing either suffers because of it or has its own problems, idk. That was a TWO AND A HALF HOUR long line of Star Wars coke I just consumed. Like... I loved it, in a lot of ways, but also it makes this film so hard to fully absorb and certain plot points just don’t have the impact they should if within 5 minutes you’re onto another HUGE moment. If TROS were three hours long like Endgame in and the story had time to breathe I would have enjoyed it even more. It would have been more satisfying for other characters, other stories... it would have been something really special maybe, if it weren’t so fucking frantic.

Rey realizing her commitment to the light. REY TALKING TO LUKE AND REALIZING HER COMMITMENT TO THE LIGHT!!! MY TEARS!!! So many tears. Rey looking at his old X-Wing!! REY FLYING LUKE SKYWALKER’S X-WING LEADING THE RESISTANCE. Rey being spoken to, encouraged, given power by all the Jedi that came before her. “THESE ARE YOUR FINAL STEPS.” I DON’T EVEN CARE THAT “AND I... AM ALL THE JEDI” is Tony Stark-like I’m still so emotional I can’t even properly express it. And her GOLDEN REY OF SUNSHINE SABER!!!! REY SKYWALKER - not by blood, but by CHOICE. 😭😭😭 I’m crying again. I love REY SKYWALKER.

Rey’s goodness is a choice - one that is always a struggle, but always guided by her purest of hearts - her FRIENDSHIPS, her care for people, it leads her to the goodness in people, even one as awful as Kylo Ren. I just cannot EXPRESS MY LOVE FOR THIS CHARACTER ENOUGH.

Finn is FORCE SENSITIVE??? HELLO!!!! FINN IS FORCE SENSITIVE!!! WE NEED MORE INFORMATION. Will we EVER GET more information?? Maybe we will in the LITERALLY telegraphed spin off with Jannah lol.

I don’t love that she seemed willing to relent to the Emperor to save the Resistance but I know she was doing it because of her love, and her heart - she was being taken advantage of because of her capcity for empathy. Plus, I’m not sure if I buy that the Emperor ever intended for that to really happen, seeing as how he was able to resurrect so much of his life force just by draining from Rey and Kylo and leap right into “I’LL ALWAYS BE THE EMPEROR” bullshit.

Rey defeated ALL THE SITH by PROTECTING HERSELF and all her friends, her family, the galaxy, not by lashing out, not reacting in anger but by turning the evil of Palpatine around on his own dumbass. GOD.

The humor and banter between everyone was wonderful, this kinda goes along with “teaming everyone up” but I loved that. Even as messy and rushed as some of it felt, a lot of it worked for me.

God I hated the kiss. I hated that she force healed him lol I fist pumped and almost jumped out of my seat when she got ‘em.

We got so much more Leia than I expected and only a small bit of the effects they used to get her in the film that much felt off. I loved that she got to be such a significant part of the story.

CHEWIE GOT HIS MEDAL!!!