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fiercebb · 6 years ago

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On Jaime Lannister’s Complicated Ending

My thoughts on Jaime Lannister’s ending as I try to make sense of what happened and come to terms with it, for whoever is willing to listen anymore. It’s going to be a long one, sorry for that, but I need to get it all out.

It’s been a few hours since I watched the latest episode of Game of Thrones (plus Jaime’s scenes multiple times). I’m sleep deprived, I have a terrible headache, I’ve been working for 8 hours straight, and this is bound to feel like work as well, but I just have to write my thoughts down now to try to make some sense of what happened.

So, I want to start by saying Jaime Lannister is my second favorite Game of Thrones character (second only to Brienne), and it goes without saying I am a Braime shipper as well. But we’ll get to that later. I loved Jaime’s character because he had one of the most spectacular, relatable, hard-worked character developments in the entire show. He went from someone for whom the phrase “The things I do for love” meant doing the most terrible things to someone for whom it meant doing the most honorable ones. We saw him go from a person who would unscrupulously push a little boy out the window to someone who would save a person he’s just met from getting raped for no apparent reason, jump into a bear pit to save that same person, abandon his sister and long-time lover to join said person in the fight for the living, offer said person the one thing they wished for their entire life, protect her at all costs during the battle, and finally have the most wholesome, truthful, and endearing experience with her. And yes, it’s no coincidence that the deeds I’ve listed here all have to do with Brienne. Because you can’t separate Jaime (the Jaime he has become) from Brienne of Tarth. She is the catalyst for the change that turned Jaime into the man and knight he wanted to be. We’ve not only watched him grow, but we’ve also got to learn more about his past deeds and how things are not always what they seem.

Don’t get me wrong. Jaime Lannister was oftentimes a horrible person whose terrible deeds cannot and should not be forgotten. But he was, for the most part, struggling to become a better man. And since we can’t possibly judge Game of Thrones characters simply for committing despicable acts, what is there left for a man if not the possibility of self-betterment? Since about the moment when he first had to say goodbye to Brienne I got invested in his character and felt like he has the potential to change, to set himself free from the Lannister name and burden, and finally be the man he dreamt of being when he was a young boy. Season 8 gave me renewed hope for Jaime’s character. He finally seemed to have realized he has to break his toxic relationship with Cersei for good, he went North even if he knew he was going to meet his worst enemies because he wanted to fight for the living, he reunited with Brienne, he looked at her the way I’ve never seen him look at anyone before (you can fight me on that), he asked to fight under her command, he knighted her, he saved her during battle, he got jealous of Tormund, he made love to her, and he spent a few weeks of bliss (I assume) with her in Winterfell even if he hated the North. It’s impossible to witness this and not have hope that Jaime is finally on the right path.

That said, I never actually thought he would make it alive out of season 8. I hoped he would, of course, but I was fully prepared for him to die. My problem is not that he died, my problem is with how he died. When he left Brienne I was shocked and heartbroken. I tried to make excuses for him, I was sure he was going to KL to end it all with Cersei. Not necessarily to kill her, but to maybe try to reason with her. I was sure he said all those cruel things to Brienne because he loved her and he didn’t want her following him to certain death.

I still believe some of those things, but not in the same way I used to. Let me say, first of all, that I do believe that Jaime Lannister loved Brienne of Tarth. Not in a platonic way, not in a friendship way, but in a romantic, pure, soulmate kind of way. Yes, I said soulmate, even if we just witnessed Jaime die in Cersei’s arms. I’m getting there, hold on. So, I do believe he loved her, I do believe he intended to stay with her, I do believe he tried with all his being to forge a new life with her away from Cersei and her pull. God knows Brienne was good for him. She brought the best in him and you could see it in his eyes when he saw the way she looked at him that he was shocked to see anyone could possibly look at him that way. And that’s because I think he never thought he deserved it. While part of what he said to Brienne might have been because he didn’t want her following him (maybe, idk), I do think he actually believed most of what he said. The ghosts of his past were too loud for him to ignore. As much as he tried (and I really think he did), he couldn’t shake the thought that he is not worthy of Brienne’s love. But that’s not the only reason why he left.

He also left because he loves Cersei. Hear me out, I know as a Braime shipper this is hard to shallow, but I promise I’ll explain in a minute. First, I want to talk a little bit about Brienne, what my thoughts are on that last scene between them, and what my hopes are for her - given that she’s my favorite character. It hurt a lot to see her cry, I’m not going to lie. But I’ve given this a lot of thought, and after watching the scene repeatedly and reading interviews with Gwen (who will always do the right thing by Brienne), I reached the conclusion that the reason she was crying is not because she thought Jaime doesn’t love her and she’s leaving her for another woman, but because her heart was breaking knowing she’ll never see him again. She knew how strong him and Cersei’s bond was, she knew he was fighting a lot of demons, and she knew he was extremely damaged (if anyone knew that, Brienne was that person). And I agree with Gwen, I don’t think she expected him to stay with her forever. I think on some level, she always expected him to leave at some point. Of course, she didn’t want him to go. Of course, she did love him as much as he loved her, of that I have no doubt. But if there’s anyone who can understand his reasons for leaving, she is, because she knows him better than anyone at this point, even better than Cersei. So, in that moment of heartbreak, I think Brienne cries not just for the love she knows she is losing but also for the man she wished could have managed to conquer his demons and for the fact that she knows she will never see him again (and I am crying as I’m writing this, because it hurts). And I also choose to believe that she doesn’t regret spending those few weeks with him as they did. I really don’t think she does. It was her choice as much as it was his, and she was aware from the very beginning things might not last. Yet it was a beautiful conclusion to a beautiful hate-turned-friendship-turned-romance connection that they will both cherish forever. The goodbye wasn’t easy for either of them and you can see that. Even if Jaime didn’t cry, you could see the distress on his face, you could see his heart was torn, that he didn’t want to make her suffer, but that he knew that’s what he had to do. All in all, I hope that my girl Brienne doesn’t regret any second that he spent loving and caring for Jaime Lannister, as I’m sure he doesn’t either. Even if we don’t get to hear anything about their relationship in the final episode (and I don’t think we will), I hope she won’t live the rest of her life regretting this and thinking Jaime didn’t love her because that would be too heartbreaking to bear, and completely not true.

To go back to Jaime’s love for Cersei, first of all, it was clear for me from the very beginning that the love will never not be there. It can’t not be there. They’re twins, they’ve been in each other’s lives since the day they were born, they were lovers, they were at times the only thing they had, they did great things together and they did horrible things together. That kind of connection, as toxic as it may be, doesn’t just end because you want it to (and I do think Jaime wanted and hoped that it would). Their relationship was toxic, it’s true, especially from Cersei’s side. I’m not saying he doesn’t share the blame, I’m just saying out of the two of them, you can tell Jaime is the one who loved more. He was always by her side and would have done anything for her, as he so aptly put it to Brienne. Until he didn’t. Until he decided to leave her and go North to join Brienne. The thing is, in my opinion, that was the moment when any semblance of a romantic relationship disappeared between the two of them. If I remember correctly, Nik also said that when Jaime says “I don’t believe you” to her when she wants to have him killed, he read it as “I don’t love you anymore,” and so did I. But not “I don’t love you” at all, just not in the romantic sense. He left in that moment and didn’t look back, and his actions and expressions make me think he didn’t look back while he was at Winterfell with Brienne either. He truly was happy with her and fell in love with her, finally free to accept his feelings and act on them. And that also brings me to the fact that they made love. Jaime Lannister would have never ever in a million years made love 1. with a woman he wasn’t in love with 2. with another woman if he was still in love with Cersei. So I fully believe he didn’t harbor any romantic feelings for Cersei anymore.

That said, he still loved her. And for that, I will never judge him. Of course, I wouldn’t have wanted him to go back to the person who caused him the most harm in this world, and of course, it is messed up and toxic, but this is something that often happens in toxic relationships and I can’t blame nor judge him. People do go back, people are so attached and addicted to that person that they feel like they have to go back. And it’s not just that. I agree that there is some sort of addiction happening here, but it’s also just love. He loves his sister. She is part of his family and always will be. And we know how important family is for Jaime Lannister. So it’s only natural that he wanted to be next to her. Again, I’m not sure he knew exactly what he was going to do once her got there, but he knew he needed to be there, at least to see her for one last time. And maybe yes, some part of him also wanted to die, to just end it all. If he knew she couldn’t escape death, he might have thought that if she is to die for all the sins she committed, he has to die with her as well for the part he played in her rise to power and for his own sins that he never forgave himself for. I remember Olenna telling him he will end up regretting the part he played in her rise to power and I think he did reach that point. I think he reached that point when he left her at the end of season 7 and I think he struggled all throughout season 8 with the knowledge that he helped put her there and he has to pay the price as well.

I want to also look a bit at their final moments together. As much as I didn’t want this to happen, I have to admit I didn’t have a problem with the scene itself. Hear me out. First of all, I think if confirms what I said earlier about their relationship no longer being a romantic one. Maybe I see what I want to see, but what I saw between them was two siblings who despite it all care about each other and know they’re about to die, trying to comfort each other in their last moments. I mean, mostly Jaime, because Cersei, even as she was dying, she was mostly thinking about herself (and the baby), but I don’t want to go into that because my focus here is Jaime. Jaime held her, he comforted her, and he died with her, but he didn’t say “I love you” nor did he kiss her. Now, you’d think if two people who love each other romantically know they’re about to die, they would at least say “I love you” or kiss for the last time. But he didn’t do that, and neither did she, and I think that’s because she knew. She also knew that that part of their relationship was long gone. In that moment they were just brother and sister, two people who still love each other but who caused each other too much harm to ever have a happy ending. Of course, I would have liked Cersei to know that Jaime has found love again in Brienne (maybe she did), if only to show her that even if she damaged him irreparably, another woman could love him and give him what he deserves. But of course we didn’t get that because of D&D (and I’ll get to that in a moment as well). Bottom line is I didn’t dislike their final scene. What I disliked, of course, is that Jaime couldn’t break free from his demons and Cersei’s influence and that he had to die with her. I would have wanted to see him start a happy life with Brienne, be the father he never managed to be (I know he would have been a great one), and learn how it feels to love purely and be loved in return. But as I said in the beginning, I didn’t have much hope for that to happen. I would have even been okay with this ending if it weren’t for the circumstances.

Yes, the circumstances. That being D&D’s laughable writing choices. Jaime’s story, the way it ended now, with the context we have now (just from the TV show) MAKES NO SENSE. I’m sorry but it doesn’t. All of his actions up until the very end of episode 4 pointed to him being on a path to recovery, on a path to becoming the man I know he could have been, on a path to loving again and being truly happy and free for once in his life. To go from that to total character annihilation is just plain stupid. There just wasn’t enough time to build up this sudden departure from his character. If we would have gotten more scenes, more indication that that was about to happen, more of an explanation of why, then I might have been more okay with his ending. Because as I said, in the end, I don’t have a problem with how it all ended, as much as it breaks my heart because I love him so much.

If we would have at least gotten an explanation inserted in his goodbye scene with Brienne, or a mention of Brienne to Tyrion, or some sort of insight into his mind and his motivations, it wouldn’t have been complete character annihilation. But as they’re trying to portray it now, that he just left Brienne because he realized he loves Cersei and he never even mentioned Brienne at all before dying, it doesn’t make any narrative sense, and I think anyone, not just Jaime fans and Braime shippers, can see that.

But now I also kind of understand why Nik said he was happy with the ending. I think we all wanted to believe that meant he survived and staid with Brienne considering how much of a Braime fan Nik is. But thinking about it now, with everybody wondering how he could lie that way, I don’t think he was lying. Of course, he also kind of had to say he at least liked the ending a little bit, but I also genuinely think he liked some of it, because he says it made sense, and in some twisted way it does. He also said that there wasn’t enough time because they had to fit everything in just a couple of episodes and that this change in Jaime’s character threw him off as well and that he needed to take a second to accept that, and I completely agree and see his point. The problem was that everything was rushed and it didn’t make narrative sense. But if in a perfect world, we would’ve gotten more of an explanation and a cohesive narrative, I can see how he’d be okay with Jaime’s ending. Maybe he thinks, the same way Jaime does, that this was the best way in which he could redeem himself. Maybe he thinks Jaime could have never moved past his demons and live a happy life with Brienne, and it would have killed him to put her through that as well. Maybe he thinks Jaime would have never forgiven himself if he weren’t there when Cersei died, and that would have also affected his relationship with Brienne. All in all, I think both Jaime the character and Nikolaj the man didn’t think Jaime could be saved, I think they thought Brienne doesn’t deserve to be put through this, and I think they thought the world would be a better place without Jaime Lannister. I disagree. I think if there was any character in this show that deserved a second chance that was Jaime Lannister. I think that he was worthy of being saved, worthy of being loved, worthy of being shown there is more to life that what he experienced in the past, and I think Brienne was ready to give that to him. But in the end, it was his decision. It hurts that it had to end this way, but it was his decision.

And don’t get me wrong, I love a tragic love story. The more tragic it is the better. I love unrequited love, suffering, heartbreak. It’s usually what draws me to a story. And that’s why I would have been okay with it all if it weren’t for the poor choice of narrative that just doesn’t allow me to truly believe this is how the Jaime Lannister we’ve seen in season 8 deserved and wanted to end. Ultimately, of course, I have no say in this, but I’m working on accepting what happened.

I know some people still have hope that maybe Jaime isn’t really dead, and I don’t want to make people lose hope, because I know I’ve held onto mine for as long as I could, but I know Jaime’s story is over and I need to accept that now so I can heal.

I also don’t want people to hate on Jaime. I’ve seen so many posts hating on him and calling him a fuckboy and whatnot. I know most of us are not actually angry at Jaime but at the writers who turned him into a different Jaime than the one we all knew and loved, but for the people who really feel like they hate him now, I hope this post (if you’ve read it through) helps alleviate some of that hate. He doesn’t deserve hate. He was a flawed, at times despicable character, but he was also a good man, an honorable knight, a person haunted by his demons who fought them as much and for as long as he could until they overpowered him. He is the person who loved Brienne of Tarth the most (I know he is), who gave her everything she wanted and who shared a couple of weeks of happiness with her before it all ended. He is someone who has been abused, used, mistreated, and often threatened by a person he loved for most of his life, he is a person who did terrible, terrible things, but also a person who did good things for the right reasons. He is a complicated man and I have to think Nikolaj for being the best Jaime Lannister I could have ever imagined. He will never be perfect, far from it, but he will always be one of my favorite characters. I wished for his story to have a good ending until the last moment (crying again as I’m writing this) and I don’t regret it one bit. I don’t regret investing time and energy and tears into loving him and hoping he would become the man he might have managed to become if the circumstances were different.

I am not okay with Jaime Lannister dying. I don’t think I’m going to be okay with it for a long time, but I know some day I will make my peace with that. I’ve cried writing this but I feel much better now, much more at peace. This is so unbelievably long I doubt anyone will read it through, but if you’ve reached this point, feel free to leave me a comment or a PM if you are also mourning Jaime Lannister and need someone to talk to.

And before I go, I wanted to thank the Braime community once again for making all of it more bearable. I know a lot of you are in pain right now and you can’t believe it but it will get better. And for me, Jaime Lannister will always be one of the greatest.

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