#idk its jus stressing me out and making it hard to enjoy the things i have now

[plastic-spiders-are-great]

.

[yoichichi]

Big Brain Bitches Playlist ❣️

For the lovely @nataliahaslosthershit , thank you for always being so kind and being patient!!!

disclaimers: this is a fem!reader since it is a request, so if there’s any instances where those pronouns or the fact it’s a fem reader is alluded to that’s why!

warnings: Tsukishima, that’s the warning

gif not mine, credit to owner

a/n: thank you for being so patient sweetie!! I really hope you like this and I did my best with the playlist to include a little bit of everything you like!!!

Relationship Headcannons

As much as Tsukishima would lowkey HATE the way you always wanna make friends (not really he just likes being a shithead) he also just finds it so cute??? Like he’s like 🙄✋🏼 must you talk to everyone?? But is also like :) shes so friendly and tries so hard to be nice :) how did I find someone like her :) but he keeps that on the lowkey a bit and GOD LET ANYONE BE RUDE TO YOU WHEN HE SEES YOU AS AN ABSOLUTE ANGEL‼️‼️‼️

Tsukishima is also focused on his studies and would appreciate you being focused as well, he would hate to see you over stressed from the importance your parents put on it, and he’d always be doing/saying things to get you to relax as best as he could

“You’ve gone over this 5 times, do you really think you’re that stupid that you have to go over it again?”

“We should take a break, let’s go take a walk to the corner store and find some good snacks. Studying is always more effective if you take breaks like that anyway.”

It is, but he’s more concerned with removing those frown lines from your forehead and warming your hand up with his

Sidenote - definitely the type to blow on your hands while their held in his to warm them up

ANYWAYS

Regardless, it’d become a habit for you two to always do your studying together since he wants to be sure you’re not overworking yourself.

STUDY DATES‼️‼️

Idk I can just see him always bringing a second bottle of water with him just in case you need it ??LMAO like y’all would be studying and you’d be like

“I’m a little thirsty, I’m gonna get-“

“🤨”

boom bottle of water on the table for you

PLS he won’t give it to you until you mention you’re thirsty tho, unless he feels like he hasn’t seen you drink enough water

I don’t see him as a big talker while he studies with you unless you’re helping each other out, he just kind of likes your presence while you guys are studying cause it feels like bonding and he just likes spending time with you :)

A bit off topic of study dates but you can’t tell me his love language ISNT quality time and he would never admit it but he’s definitely clingy lowkey LMAO

like he just wants to spend his free time with you even if it’s just being in the same room together but doing different things?? He thinks being able to be your own person while still enjoying each other is important in a relationship

So of course he’ll sit in a room with you and eavesdrop read a book while you gossip with your friends over the phone and then listen to you rant about it after

just like how he appreciates when you ask about his day while you cook dinner together and ask him all kinds of follow up questions, cause you actually care and want to know!!

Ok but ANYWAY back to study dates:

So like I was saying, not a big talker, but I feel like complete silence would freak him out?? This mf always got his headphones so one of you has got to be playing music while you’re studying, but do you know what this means?

This means that a song has definitely come on that he likes and he totally was humming or even quietly singing along to himself, not really thinking about the fact you were there and can definitely hear him, and as soon as he realizes he would just look at you and shut up SO fast LMAO

Like he’d just get wide eyed and breath in and stop singing and just kind of look up at you AND HIS EARS WOULD BE SO RED (he’s an ear blusher for sure) and he’d do that WHITE BOY SMILE THING WHERE HE HAS DEAD EYES AND HIS MOUTHS A THIN LINE but he’d look so shy and embarrassed plssss and he’d just look back down to his textbook and try not to think about it

And you’d just giggle and he could only groan and be like “let’s move on 😐” BUT YOURE DEFINITELY NOT FORGETTING THAT

But study dates?? Yeah they’re important to you two

Tsukishima would also be constantly making sure you’re taking care of yourself outside of studying, like making sure you’re needs are taken care of since you have a tendency to over look them in the favor of others (which I feel like would really drive him crazy cause you’re his baby!!! He can’t stand that thought !!!)

Like if he saw you offer a friend your last snack knowing you hadn’t eaten enough today he’s slapping a snack in your possession so fast like 😐 eat this, now.

ITS A LITTLE AGGRESSIVE IN THE CALMEST WAY but it’s just cause you’re important to him

The bullying??? Yes he’d love that cause he’s just like 😳‼️ you keep up with him and he’d just love the back and forth between you two so much

Queue the eye rolls and lopsided smirk while he’s grabbing your hand and kissing it telling you to shut up

Regarding your stims - he’d definitely take notice and probably do things like always holding your hand to make sure you aren’t hurting yourself too bad!

I know people have mentioned him not being that big on PDA but I feel like he’d take a neutral stance on it, like holding your hand is so innocent and if it helps you not pinch your wrists or picking at your nails of course he’s gonna do it!! It’s his way of showing you he notices and cares 🖤

Regarding your self confidence, he’d definitely still bully you cause cmon 🙄 this is your guys love language and he knows you know it’s harmless, and the last thing he’d want to do is make you feel like he’s coddling you and suffocating you by not being silly with you the way he normally would

HOWEVER

If anyone else clowns on you whew please it is over for them

Like let’s say you meet the boys and you and hinata are clowning on each other?? Tsuki is NOT playing games LMAO like he’d definitely be like

😐😐 hinata I KNOW you’re not talking and you’d have to remind him in private that it’s ok he doesn’t care he will bully hinata any chance he gets

Okok real talk Tsukishima would think it’s so fucking cool you know how to speak more than one language!!! Not the type to necessarily be like let me hear it 🤠 but if you do speak another language around him he’s always like 🙂 wow, that was pretty cool

Ok also?? Both of you being introverts?? Tsuki is happy to the MAX

Like he just gets to come home to you and detox in his little home and sit with you on the couch and talk about your days and watch whatever you’re feeling and it’s just so recharging for him and he’s so grateful you’re perfectly ok with that :)

And finally, tell me he wouldn’t bully you for your height but also find it so so adorable 🙄‼️

Ahhhh!! Ok here is the acclaimed playlist I made for you!! I hope you enjoy it❣️

Ok I did my best to include your variety of music tastes in here!! But if there’s anything you’d like me to change please feel free to let me know and I will!!

Ahhhh I hope you like it, enjoy my descriptions below!

1. The Most Beautiful Thing - Bruno Major: ok so yes we’re starting this off with a dash of Tsuki angst, as much as I know he’d deny it he yearns for love. Like the idea of someone being so important they get his attention and devotion and they love him the same is sooo comforting to him! And sometimes he would daydream about it like :) I wonder when I’m gonna meet them, I wonder how, I can’t wait - but the way he would he embarrassed if anyone knew this - and when he DOES meet you it is not what he expected LMAO

2. 80’s makeout session - dacelynn:  OK SO HE MEETS YOU and is just like 👁👄👁 and it’s everything he dreamed of, if he was feeling irrational he might’ve even believed it was love at first sight but there’s one problem, the way Tsuki is be lowkey mad he wants your attention LMAO. Like you would meet and he would just look into your eyes and he feels his heart stop; and you’re so nice when you’re introducing yourself to him and your voice is so sweet and he can’t stop thinking about the way your curly hair is framing your face and he just oop 🤒 he got the love bug bad AND HED BE SO MAD cause like, he tries to only do things for himself! And that’s exactly why love was a daydream cause UGH HOW PATHETIC IS HE. He never tries impress anyone else cause he’s his biggest critic anyway, but suddenly he wants to be noticed by you and impress you and the way that would just irk him, but he cant help it 🤷‍♂️ sorry bout it Tsuki

3. IFHY (feat. Pharrell) - Tyler, The Creator: more on Tsuki being mad he likes you LMAO - I think what would push him to get over himself and how it’s kind of scary for him how much he likes you would be imagining what could happen if he DOESNT grow up and just let you know. The thought of you with somebody else? Yeah he don’t like that one bit and that’s when he knows he better suck it up and accept he’s got it for you hard

4. Make Me Your Queen - Declan McKenna: OK CALLING TSUKI SIMPS OUT- you’d want him so bad but he’s so bad at showing his interest!! So on your end it’d be soooo much pining and patience and a little bit desperate like PLS I jus wanna be your s/o man 😕 but don’t worry he likes you just as much, he’s just awful at showing that at first LMAO

5. Kiss Like A Woman - Mona: ok but once Tsuki accepts he’s got it bad, I don’t see him as someone who wastes time at. All. Like he’s like ok well she’s fucking great obviously if I like her cause I have great taste so it’s only a matter of time before someone else tries to get her attention, so I gotta act fast. However, he’s clueless so he’d think he’s being obvious but he’s not. Like he starts his habit of bringing you snacks and water on your study dates before they’re actually dates and you have no idea he likes you. And he thinks he’s being smooth like, how could you not know he likes you? But it’d be the end of your study session and you’re about to leave and he’s been wondering why it seems like maybe you’re not interested? He can’t tell so he’d just be like, “do you like me, too? Or am I making you uncomfortable? I’ve been waiting for you to let me know how you feel but you really haven’t said anything, so.” AND YOUD JUST BE LOOKING AT HIM LIKE 😳🧍🏻‍♀️ and you’re blushing hard so he’s like ok obviously she likes me? And he would kind of tilt his head in your direction and raise his eyebrows waiting for you to answer, cause he still wants to be sure. And you’d hold your books tighter to your chest and nod so fast. He’d walk over to you and kiss you on your cheek and be all, “see you tomorrow, idiot.” And walk off like a bad bitch, cause that was pretty smooth, but once his back is to you and his headphones are on while he’s walking away BOY IS BLUSHING HARDDDD CAUSE HE’S LIKE did I really just do that oh shit 🥴

6. A Sunday Kind Of Love - Etta James: when I mentioned Tsuki liked to think about love this is exactly what I mean. He just wants something so relaxed and devoted and when he gets that with you? WHEW he is not letting that go!!

7. Black Dog - Arlo Parks: ok so this song itself is more intense than for what I’m writing for it and what it inspired me BUT this is really how Tsuki feels when he sees you overworking yourself. He can’t stand to see you stress so much over something, especially if it’s school, and then see you push your own limits in the favor of others. It’d definitely be a day where you come to his house to study but when you guys get there instead of pulling out the stuff from his bag he just sets it down and walks over to you and pulls you into his chest. After holding you for a while, he pulls back and makes you look up at him with his hands on your cheeks and leans down to kiss your forehead. “Are you ok?” It’s such a simple question but it really hits home and it’s one of the first times you guys simultaneously realize how much you care for each other. And you’d just hug him tighter and he decides nap time holds a little priority over studying right now.

8. come out and play - Billie Eilish: as smooth as Tsukishima can be or as clueless as he is, he’s also a shy lover for sure. It will take him a while to be genuinely soft and let his walls down and be vulnerable and tell you how much he cares about you, he try’s to show it as best as he can cause it can be easier than looking into your pretty eyes that make him all nervous and choke on his words while he tries to tell you he loves you. So it’ll take some coaxing and you being patient, but he’ll get there eventually and become more confident with his declarations of love.

9. Pleaser - Wallows: more on Tsuki being shy LMAO he wants to tell you he loves you SO BAD but he just cannot make himself do it

10. I’m Glad There Is You - Julie London: ok you mentioned slow dancing in the kitchen type songs? Stop it this is the one - to me this is the introvert love anthem , perfect for you two right? Like you’d be playing music in the kitchen while you two are cooking and this song would come on and normally he’s not a person who shows his affection much but this song would just get to him? Like he almost wants to cry??? He just looks at you, and maybe you’re humming a little, he really can’t tell but he doesn’t care cause you’re just so bright and gorgeous and the more he hears the song, the more his heart is starting to swell thinking of you. And so he wouldn’t be able to help himself. He’d just come up behind you and lean down so his head his resting on top of yours and his arms are wrapped around you. He leans down a little farther and presses a soft but long kiss to your cheek and just whispers how he loves you and hugs you tight one more time before going back to his part of cooking dinner; as if that wasn’t the first time he was finally able to tell you that.

11. Linger In My Arms A Little Longer Baby - Peggy Lee: kitchen dancing music kitchen dancing music kitchen dancing music !! I feel like once Tsuki dances with you ONCE he’d be addicted 😶 like you just look so happy and it hits him in his gut in the best way and he’d kill to feel like that with you again 🖤

12. Sweet Creature - Harry Styles: stop I fucking love Harry styles when I say Tsuki sees you as his home I MEAN it, it doesn’t matter what happens between you two. Sure, like any couple you guys argue and it can be rough sometimes, problems can arise it’s natural. But Tsukishima would never be the type to say something he doesn’t mean or do anything to ruin the relationship, you’re his person and no matter how much you two argue he’d always be sure you know he loves you and you’re the most important thing to him, and you’re very aware of that.

13. I Think I Like It When It Rains - Willis: ok a little bit of angst! In those difficult moments, sure sometimes Tsuki does wish it was like how it was a while ago when the pining and awkwardness was still there and you would go home after studying and you’d both still be giddy and trying to calm yourselves down. Cause the pining and awkward feelings were easy to solve, but these problems are harder, they’re the ones you solve for the long haul. But once he takes a breather he knows this is so much more important and worth it, and he’s reminded of how much he really loves you.

14. I CHOOSE YOU - Adam Melchor: you really would be living in Tsukis mind rent free LMAO and while he was all grumpy at first at the fact he even wanted your attention he’s so happy now it’s so cute pls. He goes to the store and sees something you like?? Yeah he’s buying it. Hears a song you might like? He adds it to the playlist you guys share (yes you would have one from when you would study together all the time and you’ve just kept it and he always add songs to it still for you) all in all, you take up his mind 25/8 now and he’s accepted it with a smile on his face

15. this is how you fall in love - Jeremy Zucker, Chelsea Cutler: introvert love anthem #2, this is literally so cheesy and I hope it fits your taste but anyways!! Falling in love is just so easy for you guys, it’s the easiest thing Tsuki’s ever done, and he holds a lot of pride to that statement.

——————

that’s it!!! That’s the thing!! Gosh I really hope you like it !! Thank you for being so patient and kind to me again, and don’t forget to message me if you need a change

-🐇out

[janexeu]

     though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, JANE MÁRQUEZ is actually a descendent of HYPNOS. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-SIX year old DEMIGOD ELEMENTARY EDUCATION MAJOR from NEW ORLEANS, USA has taken after HER godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite SACRIFICIAL & STUBBORN.

( she’s b-b-b-back on her bs : katya ! tis uhm ,,,, a lil bit of a chonk of an intro but ill try 2 b cute w it. any time u wanna yeet jus peep the gif again & forgive me bc Look At Her ! )

POWERS ( more info here )

hypnokinesis  — p much made her a glorified babysitter w lynch-esque wacko dreams. it got stronger naturally as she got older, but jus w herself n eventually the ppl shes real close w. its also gotten a lot better since comin to eonia 

seeing gods in dreams  — she doesnt hang out w em every fridays at tgifs but like ,,, if she had Pertinent Questions she cud smhw make it happen. found out abt her being a demigod at age 10 when she met hypnos

memory retrieval — shes got great memry of her own but bc she knows it can help w grief n all that, shes been learnin in eonia how to do it 4 others if they mayb wanted it

BIO POINTS 

her single ma died during childbirth so jane's been in the foster care system since 5ever. attempts at reunification nvr worked out but thankfully she got real lucky w her group home and foster families. twas stable enough to not emotionally scar her even further but the instability of it all was fosho a big ol’ lot and has influenced her rigidness in sum aspects of her life

she lived p much as a mortal even tho her powers r a lil freaky. never went to camp but it worked out bc all her abilities r internal and cannot be Perceived by others. she had a talk w hypnos abt what 2 do n he mentioned camps but also gave sum monster avoidance tips ( like rarely use ur powers, maybe learn self defense, yada yada ) n she jus ,,, did that so she cud continue livin real normal w the mortals. logistics of camp stressed her out esp bc shes livin w non-family n stuff yk it was All Too Much, miss her w the added demigod stress tyvm

got married at 23 to her childhood sweetums luis, but he ,,, died abt a yr later fr a car accident. coma for 2 weeks n jane p much slept the entire time in his hospital room, visitin his dreams n talkin to him. twas a life support sitch so they eventually decided to pull da plug whch was real sad but like she's processed it 2 da best of her abilities. her powers helped a lot in the coping too n she visits memories of him in her dreams smtms when it gets real sad then shes ok again bc life goes on n life is pretty uwu

bc of her bg round kids of all kinds, shes always been passionate abt em. always takin babysittin/tutor gigs and went to community college so she cud teach n then worked as an elem teacher. only started considerin goin 2 eonia 4 postgrad when she had a student who showed signs n strugglez of bein a demigod. she eventually got to talk to their godly parent 2 confirm n she was shocked pikachu meme, real concerned for all those youngins who hav no clue what to do ! or how to cope ! bc they cant facetime w the olympians lyk she can ! so cue her discussin eonia w luis a lot then a year after the accident, broke out the pro-con list again. took abt *checks watch* another yr til she finally decided to zoom 2 athens but then whoosh she did !

PERSONALITY

yearning ? idk her — shes can be a bit of a take it as is typa chick. can be a lil literal jsksj not dumb but like ,,, def doesnt read into things enuff to pine n long n year yk. some things might def fly over her head. she says Yes To Serotonin in this house. she dk the the mitskis n the sikens n the carsons ; its all mary oliver up in this joint. we just tryna luv life n be grateful folkz

le freak, say chic ! — control freak, that is. growin up in an unstable envi meant shed cling 2 stability n independence, wrvr she cud get it. so when it comes 2 the way she does things, she can be real a heel digger. also bc she has 2 deal w kids yk so it can b A Lot n shes v stern lyk dat. ofc she wont infantilize the eonians .,,,. or will she ? big sis vibes outta control. she means well tho always always means well. itll also b v hard to get her 2 giv up on sum1 bc life ? she luvs it n knows u can too

changes by david bowie — is decidedly skipped on the playlist. she doesnt like change !!! i mean she knows its inevitable but still not entire unavoidable. ever since she got out of the system, shes had a partner n her own way of doing things n its been workin out so why change it yk ? she says time may change me but jokes on u i can sorta trace time 

rip but im different — this goes out to all em whores in this house. she respectz ur hustle but like ,,,, not her thang. girl doesnt even get drunk when she drinks bc she doesnt rlly drink sksjsk doesnt like the taste of it, big baby ! but like she's Lived, its more like. ok tried it, not for me. thanks tho. also for all the meanies in the house, y’all perplex her. shes empathetic n wont show the judgement but smtms shes lowkey lyk .,., ur how old n u had all this goin 4 u n ur still so rotten ? how u actin like a 7yo w a trantrum ? scratch head, make it make sense

at least u tried — dad jokes, bad puns, tries to be big jokester but isn't funny. she's pretty tho so she gets away with it. idk wht else 2 say ur honor. shes the type thatll embarrass u w affection

well that was Awkward — probably sum1 abt her if  they see her actin a Fool bc shes in a foreign sitch or topic. when shes a fish outta water then she can be so ! easily ! flustered ! which is p much her in eonia. shes not new new but theres way 2 much godly shennanigans for her to wrap her head ‘round n sis has never gone to camp so its ice bucket challenge level shock from time to time still w da magics n lore

til death do us part — yknow when death cab for cutie said i knew that u wer a truth i wud rather lose than 2 hav nvr lain beside at all ? how abt when they wrecked me by rudely sayin love is watching sum1 die ? yes ? no ? nywy thats jane 4 ya. if she loves then shes in and if shes in then she is all in, luke danes stylez

was that a vivid enough picture or did i just word vom the same things agen n agen sjksjs jus know shes cute n sweet if a lil frustrating n annoying bc shes stubbornpants mcgee. may or may not have a slight compulsion to help fix other ppl ..,,.. someone set her str8 n tell her fix u by coldplay isnt it !!!  

OTHER INFO 

5′9″ born 4 october 1994, virgo sun n moon

not a freshie ! idk how long her program is but like ,,, lets ignore that 4 now ok jus kno that she been here a while

yogi & boxing enthusiast back at home. hc her mans got real into the martial arts w her when hypnos told her she gotta learn how 2 defend so that was one of their things : bonding by workouts so jane cud protecc herself if need be

her maiden name’s jane fulton. got her mommas surname but the name jane ? thats some jane doe bs some rando picked out for her which she hated at first but then seeing tarzan made her go hmmm, ok bet !

lgbtq+ alliance president ! identifies as pan

she met her late hubbie when they were abt 7ish, real friends 2 lovers cuteness. jane was there for him throughout his entire coming out & transition ergo her passion for the community esp queer kids bc she was That Cis Ally for her mans. wears her ring as a real lowkey necklace now

shes also real passionate abt sleep. will ask u how did u sleep last night p much every day u see her bc ppl spend like half their lives asleep catherine ofc shes gonna ask

her fave thing abt eonia ?  the whole siblings bit. shes had 2 make do w what she got n build a family from scratch so this ? she luvs it a lot let her give u kithes hypnos babies

shes p well versed in the greek thingies but only thru the knowledge mortals gets + dream info. after her realizin who she is, all things ancient greek jus sorta became her niche interest ykwim ? shes not like Super Learned abt it more like ,,, ok i gotta at least make Sum sense outta all this, gotta learn what i can. imagin how embarrassin it wud b 2 see a god in ur dream n then go : sorry to this man. nope. not jane, not her, nuh-uh 

luv languages : words, acts of service, physical touch !

useless hcs but she loves disney sfm ok. smtms dresses up as princess tiana for bday parties n shit bc shell do nythin 2 put a smile on the kids n babs faces

ya like jazz ? bc jane surely does ! adores motown & 60s music. nina simone owns her. no one drag peggy lee from 101 dalmatians ! not an important hc but i jus wanted to quote my bubble butt winged bee lover barry

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS

children ! infants ! babies !

demigods that make her scratch head damn u live like this ? but also wud knife emoji to protect n care for. shes not the oldest on campus but shes been livin independently p much her entire life so she finks shes got a tight grasp on the myth that is Adulting  

srsly tho the Big Sis vibes is off the charts w this one. shell perserve u dumdums

baddie influencies !

convince her 2 get drunk at a party ! bc she never does. convince her to maybe try drugs ! or go hook up ! do smths impulsive idk jus smth new !

gl tho bc shes not rlly ,,, easily influenced But she can b reasoned w ! in general i fink its just gonna be a fun dynamic if y/m knows how to coax sum wildness outta her or w/e bc thotty yummy theyre hotty yolo rzning jus wont do w this gal. will most likely get argumentative like a big ol momma hen but if u win then ur winning big

Sleep Now or forever hold ur peace !

idk sum1 she helps w their messy sleep ? shes def not super public w it, surely knows her other siblings r Better at it but if  y’all are close, she probs enjoys doin it 4 ya. she runs her hair thru fingers a lot when she does it. like a lot a lot unless u tell her to get lost

lover boi, lover gorl, lover enby !

she can be a lil traditional when it comes to how she views rels. she wants all that meetcute courting bs ! no gender roles tho n u best be sure shes not constantly comparin w her late hubbie ,,, but she jus wants smth magical n 2 be wooed again yk ?

so yea ,,, crushers mayhaps ? sum1 who is tryin 2 woo her ? sum1 she had a meetcute w and now janes got lowkey heart eyes for em ? idk lotsa possiblities but pls keep in mind she is not good at the flirtings so hav mercy on her 

eonia tour guide !

or jus friends who like ,,, constnatly fill her in w all the godly stuff n whatnot. years of not goin 2 camps mean u miss out on a lot ! explore ruins w her n get her info her mortal educ didnt make her privy 2 yk 

head real empty atm i will think of sum n let y’all know when i do, but give us all the conekshunz. friends, enemies, the usual bit, lgbtq alliance peeps, lmk whats up whats done whats cookin we want it all

( shes p much a new muse n da result of me tryna bring in an emotionally healthy kid to this sad sad university. janes in a v good well-adjusted place rn n is my therapy muse bc that other bitch m** is a messy handful. but wbk life aint linear so mayhaps shit’ll hit da fan or one of y/m will ruin her lmfao press f pls ! but also color me eyes emoji bc we love to see it )

[wakabahiguchi]

gpf recap aka. what gpf? there was no gpf, it was canceled

in which literally all my favorites are actually disasters and a reminder that the Olympic season of figure skating is literally the WORST

Is this actually a real GPF recap? or is this a place for me to vent about how demoralizing this event was? Olympic seasons are actually the worst, it’s like you get a glimmer of hope for your faves until it all gets taken away. I knew I was being sent a message when my DVR refused to record the televised GPF this weekend, and with good measure because I would’ve just deleted it anyways, just like how I’m deleting this entire event from my existence :)

Fair warning, this is basically an excuse for me to get extremely emo about my faves who all pretty much made mistakes or just flat out bombed their events. And a time for me to pointlessly complain about why the judges never get behind my faves. Oh, and lots of me stressing out about the Olympics. So, the usual.

First of all, I’m so glad we’ll be having a 1+ month break before anymore international competitions. Nats will happen of course, but the GPF has been too much in terms of stress. All my faves are tired and didn’t perform well at all. Literally all my faves. Every single one of them. I honestly need a break from this sport, thanks skating schedule. 

Ladies

So I basically wrote a soliloquy on how much I love Satoko’s skating and how much her haterz annoy me so here it is:

I'm getting tired of all the negativity that comes in every thread of a competition that Satoko competes in. That's one part I didn't miss about Satoko's hiatus. I'm not so knowledgeable or invested in the rhetoric of jumping techniques or ISU rulings, etc. so I don't have much to say about the heated debate going on about pre-rotations or URs. What I do know, however, is that Satoko has addressed her jumps countless times in interviews and to me, has visibly worked hard on improving it over the years. We've all read the practice reports; everyone knows that she drills those jumps over and over again and doesn't settle for any less. Even so much so that she's injured herself. The accusations that Satoko is purposefully cheating the judging system is perplexing to me, and the argument that she is being overscored doesn't make that much sense to me either. In fact, Satoko's had to work the hardest in order for her PCS and scores to gradually inflate like other skater's scores seem to naturally do. I don't understand why she is getting so much hate; sure, there can be critiques towards the judging system as to the coherency and enforcement of their rules, but for now, judging is how it is. Satoko's job isn't to judge and make calls on her own jumps. Her job, and the only thing she has control over, is her own performance. And to me, she's one of the most elegant and nuanced skaters in that regard. I think it's pointless to blame the skater and to go as far as accuse her of being lazy and knowingly cheating the system when all evidence points otherwise. I've anticipated Satoko's comeback for months and have been so impressed with how she's shown up these past two competitions. While I am also a fan of younger, more powerful skaters, I realized while watching her over the years that it's the skaters that tell a story and really interpret the music that move me the most. It's disheartening as a fan to see all this vitriol thrown at her, but it's also easy for me to just ignore the noise and watch her skate   I'm so excited for the Ladies FS and I hope Satoko continues her streak of good performances at the Grand Prix Final! 

TLDR; I’m used to reading negative things about Satoko; it’s almost like a tradition at this point with her, but it was at this GPF when it hit me the most. For the first time, I really felt kind of miserable about it all and I wanted to write something in support for her, because I truly truly do love her skating so much. 

The qualities that I love the most in Satoko’s skating are never rewarded what they deserve in competition which is why she’ll never win all the things that she deserves. But watching the junior event and some of her competitors right before watching her really hit me with how under appreciated she is. Like I said in my emo post, I love skaters that move me and listen to their music and actually perform. Satoko does all of that and more. I truly love her skating, I always have. But seeing everyone trying to tear her to shreds honestly just made me love her more. Keep thriving Satoko!

Her FS was a disaster in terms of scoring, thanks to the sudden attitude shift by the tech panel, I suppose. I just don’t like playing this guessing game with her scores waiting to see if she’ll be deducted or not. I hate seeing her reactions to the low scores and I hate that her PCS are underscored. Idk, it’s been like this, the same problem over and over for the past two years. At this point, waiting for her scores is like russian roulette and I’d rather just ignore it and enjoy her performances. 

Now onto a bigger mess. Here’s a smaller passage I wrote about my girl Wakaba concerning her constant underscoring:

I'm still puzzled why Wakaba's scores aren't going through the typical inflation a skater's scores usually goes through when they start performing consistently. Her scores have been great compared to her junior years, but they've pretty much been stagnant from the beginning of the season (compared to her competitors) despite consistent showings  She could trade the 3F for a 3Lo but that lowers her BV and she's already not being rewarded for consistency. 

I'm always puzzled about why Wakaba isn't benefitting from higher scores due to her consistency this season  It seems like other skaters are enjoying a meteoric rise in their PCS especially, and their scores have been gradually rising even w/o clean programs. But besides the scoring, Wakaba performed amazing at her first GPF! 

LOL at me trying to be positive at the end but tbh I just don’t get it. Why do So many skaters see such a meteoric rise in PCS but Wakaba doesn’t, despite being consistent and always skating well? Her popularity has skyrocketed this season thanks to her fabulous programs alone, so what’s taking the judges so long to finally get behind her? I shouldn’t be surprised, it took Satoko like 2 years longer to finally get the average PCS scores she’s getting now, but Wakaba is so much like EuroAmerican skaters who seem to be benefiting the most from gradual score increases. Why not her? 

And another disaster FS. But like, it was really a disaster this time. Something wasn’t right, I could tell even before she took the ice that she was more nervous than usual and something jus didn’t click with the program. What went wrong? Wakaba has never been one to crack under pressure, in fact, she usually rises to the occasion. Was the pressure of the GPF too much? Was she overworked? Just tired? Just having an off day? She looked so defeated ever since she missed that first jump, as if she knew she would already lose because she doesn’t benefit from a PCS cushion. It was so upsetting to see, especially because I could notice it affecting her performance. It lost a bit of its spark. I’m a little more concerned for her Olympic spot which she seemed to have locked down before this performance. Now it really depends on nationals. Wakaba has never failed to deliver during Nationals, and now is absolutely not the right time to start. I’m worried for her, this free skate was easily the worst she’s skated all season, and we’ve seen how good she can be with her amazing programs this season. I don’t know what’s in store for her next, I hope she can just be proud of qualifying for her first GPF and take the disappoint to fuel for Nationals.

Pairs

y i k e s. Said in the preview that this would either be the best or the worst competition based on results. based on what I had said, this should be the worst competition. but instead, I’m kind of just lowkey shook that Sui/Han didn’t win, but I’m not that surprised, honestly. As I stated earlier, I never thought they were the judges favorites and despite winning PCS with the fall in the SP they skated basically a WR skate and still didn’t win the FS or the TSS. Shook. I can find the pros in this situation, as I think it’s a reminder that they can’t afford any mistakes. That mistake (from Cong!!) in the SP cost them at least 5-6 points that could’ve won them the entire event. the fact that they lose the PCS element isn’t something I can think of a solution for, honestly, but like?? like I said, they aren’t the judges favorites (no one I like is :^)). Additionally, being back in the underdog situation might be the firing up they need for the Olympics. They’ve already won in the stadium in Korea :) But they’re showing amazing consistency with their FS, especially with the SBS 3S! They’re still the only pair to crack 80 in the SP (a common feat for them). Also, the GPF doesn’t have the best track record when predicting olympic podiums. Also they have tons of time to prepare for Feb because they most likely won’t go to Chinese nats or 4CC. however, I’m equally just as nervous. Even with a clean FS, they didn’t win TES or PCS. Their streak of being undefeated just got broken meaning that they're not as invincible anymore. They no longer hold the WR (which I hope they get back @ the olympics), and now they’re starting to lose out on PCS which is a big WTF for me, but again, not surprising. There’s talk of the 4S coming back which makes me SO nervous because their track record with the 4S has not been great in the past (witnessed it with my own eyes). Before this comp I thought they could go w/o it and still win, now I’m not so sure, since the judges aren’t as eager to give them the win in the FS as they are for the SP. 

I think the only reason why I’m so shook is because I go so hard for winners. I remember back when C/B were in contention for winning things I got so hyped because I’m so desperate to really root for skaters who actually win things and are liked by the judges (probably due to me liking skating after watching YunaMao). Once S/H started winning EVERYTHING last year it was so wonderful. And the GP series this year with the WR and amazing performances were so great. It felt so good to be a fan of skaters who won all the time and came so far from when I first saw them. And now it’s so strange to see them not win something. Even though I knew they weren’t the favorites, it’s so weird to feel like I’m back in 2016 when S/H got silver so many times, got underscored in PCS, and got ignored and looked over. It’s nostalgic in a way. I’m absolutely stressed for them at the Olympics the most, probably because they’re the only ones that have a real likely chance of winning out of everyone else I stan hard for. And that’s what’s kind of scary; because up until now, they were pretty much being hailed as guaranteed locks. And that’s why I have so many thoughts and why I’m so invested. They’ve been on the most uphill climb I’ve ever followed a skater through and somehow, it still doesn’t feel like it’s reached the peak. They’re still going for 2022 but 4 years is SO MUCH for skating and even looking at the pairs field this quad, there’s been so much changing around in positions. This isn’t at all to say that I’ve ruled them out or lost faith. I’m concerned that others will, but S/H have always been underestimated, (although pretty much universally liked by the public thank god). I think I’m just trying to process their situation going forward. It would be a lot clearer had they won, but I can still see some positives from here. The only thing I’m feeling a bit disheartened about is their PCS gap, and the fact that they don’t have the WR anymore. Had they skated a clean SP, would the have won? If they skated last, would they have won? Every time S/H skated last in major competitions recently they won, and when they skated first in the group they didn’t. IDK it’s so so so important for them to get good start orders for the olympics, that’s what may stress me the most lol. Because I know they can deliver; that’s what they’ve proven over the last year. 

I’ve already written WAY too much about this but I tend to overthink and I’m still processing this situation. What I’m worried about the most is probably if they’ll go for the quad throw. I’m so nervous because they shouldn’t need to have it tbh but then again, if they’re no longer winning while skating clean, then what? How will they get the judges back on their side? Were the judges even on their side in the first place? Am I wrong to be doubting everything right now? I wanted to know how they’d score while skating first in a group, and I can see that the judges still like to leave room for scores coming in later. This makes me so apprehensive because basically it means that S/H really NEED to skate last in the FS at the olympics if they even want to win. They might not even be in the last group for the SP due to their lack of competitions during their hiatus. Skating first is a death sentence, as witnessed at Boston Worlds 2016. It’s also wise for them to most likely skip the team event. They don’t need the extra event when lbr china has no chance of medaling at the team event. I think I’m just shook the most from this because I’m not used to them not winning, and it’s weird to be back in this place again. I’m definitely overthinking this whole thing but I needed some way to process my thoughts! They always seem to be in good spirits after competitions regardless of results, but I could tell they seemed kind of pissed. I’m anxiously awaiting what they’ll do to prepare for the olympics, and you bet I’ll probably be dying when the pairs event happens in Pyeongchang. The one consolation I have that will save me from the devastation of 2014 olympics is the fact that they’ll still be continuing for 2022, but like I said, so many things can change. I’m stressed because I know that they have a real solid chance to win. They aren’t locks, like people have claimed (I never thought they were), but IMO they have such a good chance. and THATs why I’m so invested. and THAT’s why I’m so stressed. Because they CAN win and I want them to so bad. And it looked so good up until now where it’s not looking bad, but it’s just not as clear anymore. Still letting my thoughts mull over but IDK how to feel. I’m just really uncertain right now, and that’s an ickier feeling than being outright angry or happy at the moment. I'll be holding my breath and lighting ALL the candles for them from now until February. Obviously, they can still do it. But of course, I’m still worried. I’m always so worried. I really am. Shook, but not shaken. 

Ice Dancing

a disaster! Shibutanis messed up on their twizzles not once, but twice in both the SD and the FS, which honestly does not compute with me. I just don’t get it, they came out so strong in the GP series a la S/H, but somehow just made uncharacteristic mistakes a la S/H. Barely made it by with a bronze, but that’s definitely not how anyone wanted to see them win it. I’m not that worried about Nationals unless they repeat this hot mess performance again. They were so bummed, you could really tell because usually they always just smile and wave regardless of their scores. Not this time. They’ve truly had rotten luck at the GPF maybe they should just skip it next time LOL (don’t think that works in ice dancing but whatever). I hope this was just a fluke competition and they go back to being strong. C/B at least won the FS and the PCS but they still got 3rd overall among the 3 US teams which hella worries me for nationals but they’re not definitely last, I just have no clue what the hell will happen at US nationals and that worries me kind of.

Mens

I’m okay with this podium but not with their performances. Shoma losing 1st place and Japan’s streak of GPF men titles with a time violation? A time violation?! Nathan messing up in the FS again? It says something that mens had the most acceptable result for me in this entire event. I’m less invested in the results of the mens because it’s so unpredictable that I have 0 expectations of anyone. That’s what makes it the most easygoing competition for me, but somehow it still managed to be disappointing :^)

This competition must be a new record for the sheer amount of all my favorites bombing or making mistakes. All of them, all at this competition. kings and queens of solidarity I suppose. Usually at least one of my faves pulls through to make the event bearable, but not even a shoma-nathan podium can make up for what a disaster this event was. The optimist in me hopes that this is a good sign for my faves; that they’re letting their mistakes go before the Olys. The other part of me wants to ignore the numbers/placements and just enjoy their skating. The other part of me is worried that their reputation judging/pcs is going to be affected by their performances here. The other part of me is just sad that nobody really pulled through, not even those who I thought were dependable. The final part of me wants to skip this season, and every olympic season that follows from hereon out. Nothing good comes out of an olympic season, not since Maosus retired! I’ll enjoy my break from skating after Japanese nationals, and once the Olympics comes back around, my death will be imminent.