#idk im just being so weird because it's fanfic but NOT fanfic

[erinwantstowrite]

bear with me here because i'm gonna ramble about something i've been thinking about for a while... and i'm not complaining, i'm just noticing

sometimes i think we've leaned so far into the vigilante side of the batfam that we miss out on what really makes their characters: detective work. we need more mysteries in their lives that don't lead up to some big bad "we already know who's doing it" or an "end of the world" or "yet again: this fucking guy." we need more stuff where spy movie music plays in the background and dumb adventures that don't lead up to some huge grand event with a big name villain. the shock factor stops being shocking or interesting in any capacity if we're like "Gah! the Joker! ... Again!" or whatever

does that even make sense? like "yeah sure they're blowing up a building again and there's hostages. oh look they're gonna poison the water supply." these aren't bad and that's not what i'm getting at because obviously this is a classic for comics. you need to have characters/antagonists that show up more than once and who can make a story better by being in it. and i did say to bear with me- that's because im tired. so like i hope im getting this across the right way? it's just that sometimes i don't wanna see a huge explosion, i want these motherfuckers solving a regular murder or a disappearance or regular corruption in a local office without it being tied to a grand reveal like "actually this person knows you as a long lost relative" or "they were at that circus can you guess which night they went?" that kind of thing? if you get me? like... more of the small time stuff makes the big stuff important, it makes it stand out more. at some point, the format gets repetitive even if you're switching up the villains. you can make these situations/mysteries still fun to solve for the characters and fun to read for the audience if you do it right

the concept of a detective dressed as a bat and having a sidekick in traffic light colors is inherently goofy as hell??? but that is what is so charming about it??? i think we have lost the balance between them being silly while also being intelligent with important conversations that criticize the world as we see it and teach lessons and can go over dark topics. nowadays it's always end of the world problems or just straight up the most gruesome true crime you can think of?? or they can ONLY do the dark stuff and the criticism without offering a balance of the good in the world. or we keep coming back to the FUCKING JOKER-

like yes they are vigilantes and with that comes a different level of their work, but their brand should be a mix between a black and white detective film that can get very nitty gritty and a classic spy movie, that kind of thing. at the end of the day, it's what makes them so different from the superheroes. that's what appeals to me.

seeing them in the big superhero groups is fun, don't get me wrong. it's always funny to see them standing next to people who are so powerful they never really fit in with anyone but each other, who chose to step up and use their powers for good. the Bats' specialty is Gotham and yet here they are stopping a god or whatever. and they do stop the god or whatever, all the while being an important leader and strategist to their teammates. they're important to have in these cases. but if there's a world ending event every time i pick something up, it's not as fun

the fact that they are so very human and not fantastical is why i like reading them. it's what makes the joke of people, even Gotham citizens, theorizing about them being cryptids, funny. they're fucking weird but that's because they're detectives. people who love to solve mysteries usually have a fatal flaw of curiosity. they forget the bounds between social interactions sometimes because they're used to working through problems or being intertwined with partners that understand them. but they're very much human. so human that it hurts them in many ways. and idk i've just been thinking about it lately and idk what point i'm trying to get across actually

it's just that in my eyes that's how it really is for Batman- a black and white movie narrated by a very serious man who took up a job to help people, one that has a deeper commentary on the world and viewed outwardly as pessimistic but actually has a deep hope for his city and who tries to help even the people who have wronged others. He's a stationary man in the belief that him being a constant can serve to soothe others and help them move forward. He stays in the middle of the path so he can tell everyone what is up ahead. he blends into the Gotham rainy night to serve justice but in a way that saves both the victim and the perpetrator. (the way he tucks a Robin into his cape is the same he does for Gotham with his mere presence.) and his background is actually so important to his story and yet people still somehow gloss over the lesson from it? he lost his parents because of a man who was on the opposite end of the spectrum to where he was in life. and yet he chose to help the people like the man that killed his parents. he could have done anything else with his power and money, but he instead is choosing to bring as many people up with him as he can. He's Mr. Serious that no one else can get a read on. and yet he walks into a room and he's already piecing together your life and what you're going through because he thinks it matters. he comforts people who have lost something or someone or themselves. I picture Batman and I don't picture a man trying to save the world, I picture a detective walking around a crime scene and trying to save at least one person every time he puts on the cape. and he put on the cape and became a vigilante because then he could go out of the bounds of what laws have been set up- and specifically, Gotham has other people in power who are corrupt, keeping the system that way. that's why Batman being a billionare and throwing himself into helping people at the risk of his own life is so important. he knows that if you are alive, you have something or someone to lose, no matter who you are. the dude is a bleeding heart but he doesn't know how to express it, in fear that if he gets too close, if he moves down the path with them, he'll be lost again

and then he's met with someone who should be a complete opposite, but isn't at all, because they're two sides of the same coin. his partner in crime, his son, a boy that is nothing like the black and white world that he sees. and that's the point in his life where he first sees that potentially getting lost is worth the risk. Robin is color and passion that needs guidance to move forward, but can not do so unless the stationary man learns to move with him. the kid is loud and reckless and you'd think he's from a different genre from the detective but they aren't so different, really. not when you look close enough. Dick grew up moving from place to place and seeing the world, knowing so many different people from different cultures. He's been learning to fly and jump and embrace the free fall his entire life. He's clever and he's sharp, and he thrives in the action and adventure. it's that perspective that compliments the stationary man. one is steady and the other pushes. he's the same genre but a different generation. and Batman introducing him to the way of life he chose for himself was another way he could save someone. because let's be real for a second? Dick would have gone down a very dark path had he not had Bruce, who understood, who saw not just himself in the kid but also saw who the kid has been his entire life until now. he saw Dick's parents, he saw the family he had in the circus, he saw the joy he had in what his family was doing. he saw the grief and the fire and the color that Dick's world was made of. because to Bruce, it always matters. Dick had to come to terms with Bruce's perspective to help anyone who they come across, to always give more chances, and it kept Dick from losing his color

what gets me is that the man who lives in the black and white world can actually see many different shades of gray (because black and white always needs the medium), whereas the boy in a world of color and light can get so focused on the bright that he can become single minded. and yet the boy sees a world of color and delves deeper into the lives of the peolle they come across and can be much more open minded, and the man in the black and white world sometimes forgets the shades of grey are right there. they are just like each other. they can exist without the other, but do they want to? because the black and white can be built up into the colored image, like the inking and shadows drawn on a comic book page before the colors are added in. they meet in the middle to complete each other. Bruce has been passing the story over to the next generation for a long, long time, even before his story was complete. and just like with the first Robin, it was so for every Robin afterwards. they each color in the lines differently, but that's what makes Robin so special, so unique. they are an art style that branches into their own life, but can not forget where they started: tucked into Batman's cape and the inky black of his world

and so detective work really frames their hunanity to me. the mysteries they get their hands on, the glimpses into the lives of Gotham citizens that they swore to protect, it's fascinating. it's what makes their story stand out compared to the people who can lift trucks or cast spells or run around the world in seconds. so yeah ig that's what i'm trying to say? that i want to read more of that? in both canon and fanon. cause even the small time villains we see can be like. AWFUL people and it takes out the fun of their gimmicks. and if it were any other day this would be a more coherent post but alas, it is not any other day

[bogos-bint3d]

Fr though I have to say one difficult thing about writing undertale fancontent is that due to undertale taking place in the future (Chara canonically fell at some point in the 2010s and it can be assumed undertale takes place a long amount of time after that), you have to try and come up with new technology and stuff for this future world in a way that doesn't just sound really fucking outlandish. Like, what would future society be like? Who would be doing what in the future? Does my undertale fanfiction sound weird if characters regularly use flying hoverboards for no explained reason?

[elytrafemme]

feelin anxious nd not like a person. i need to sleep before 2 am these days more but whenever i get stressed i want to resolve it and i should probably realize that this isn't going to happen and my anxiety is maybe bad again. or something

[nanashinana]

Okay so I finished the series and I was kinda really mid about the ending, which was nice given the characters and Mash, but I just felt kinda... empty? Like not in the way where you’re like “this was an amazing manga and now I don’t know what to do with my Sundays anymore” but more like “... that’s it?”

There was just a lot to the world that was left not talked about, like things that just appear and they just accept it. Dot’s Ira Kreuz and Abyss’ Evil Eye are the first thing that came to mind. Also the fact that there are so many double liners in the series when they’re supposed to be rare? But that could be explained by the fact this is an academy for magic. 

Anyways so I’m rewriting the story-

[bkgexe]

if all else fails, i was myself

bakugou x reader ✾ 4.6k

info! no smut sorry gang ✾ tw! trust issues that manifest as issues w physical intimacy/contact, dubcon in its vaguest definition (NOT bkg & reader) ✾ notes! ive been in perpetual writers block for months. is this trite idk. i miss my baby but anytime i write for him im like oops this is gonna be 60k words!!! so here is. a drabble lmao. also big lmao moment this is titled after count me out by kendrick lamar ldskfjdlkjf which was on repeat while writing so uh sorry mr. lamar abt the mha fanfic

katsuki has always known that part of him is wrong.

he’s never liked being touched. every kiss he’s experienced has made him tense as an elevator cable poised to snap. any attempt to go further than that has made him a little ill, made his gut feel like a stack of loose papers being torn to shreds, slow and loud.

it doesn’t help that he’s only ever had three kisses in his life: eijirou at a new year’s party (too many teeth), eijirou again at another new year’s party nearly a decade later (too much tongue), and then his fourth date with kyoka (when he tried to convince himself he just had to push through the discomfort to become normal).

things went further than that. it was a mistake. they both knew it right after it happened—kyoka first, and then katsuki after his head stopped pounding with what if i'm doing this wrong what if she's pitying me for fucking this up what if i don't know how to touch another person correctly what if i was supposed to learn at some point and i missed it how could i fucking miss it will it always be like this because i can't do this again i can't i don't—

“kat," she said after. she looked at him with something only a few degrees removed from pity, and poorly removed at that.

he attempted a halting non-apology. he attempted a real apology. failed at both.

"it's okay, you know," she said. "to not like it."

he scoffed even though he wasn’t entirely clear on what she meant by it, because there was so much he didn’t like. “i like it just fine.”

“if that was liking it, I’m honestly worried about your capacity for enjoying life in general.” it wasn’t a joke. her bluntness was something that'd made katsuki think he could push his boundaries with her. all of her thoughts were laid out plain for him to read, an open-source journal. “i'm just saying you don't have to like it. and you don’t have to force yourself to do things you don’t want to do. don't fuck yourself over for someone else's happiness.”

kyoka still texts him often, checks in, invites him to drinks with their friends. she’s kind. she’s normal. she doesn’t have this weird, shredded thing inside her that makes her balk at the idea of someone’s hand on her skin. that makes her think she's doing something wrong, even if she's not the one that initiated the touch.

when you started your job at the front desk of katsuki’s agency, he never thought that he'd be here, wishing above everything that he could just be normal. just for one fucking day, so he could laugh at your shitty jokes and maybe brush his knuckles across the back of your hand in passing and take you on a date where he could kiss you in his car after driving you home and the thought wouldn’t make his skin crawl, wouldn't tear up his insides to pulp.

because he fucked everything up. he's standing in his empty office where you'd been spending time with him and he fucked it up and hurt you and he's not sure how to unfuck it.

the thing is, he could grin and bear it. he could deal with the odd thing inside him that hates the contact and white-knuckle it through every kiss, every caress. but he’s never been a great actor. he wouldn’t be able to hide that from you.

(kyoka told him, years later, that it’s not that the sex itself wasn’t fine—what made it nearly unbearable for her was the fact that she could tell, only after it was too late, that being physically vulnerable with her pained him far more than he was willing to reveal.)

no one wants to feel like the person they’re with is grinning and bearing it. that they’re white-knuckling it through. katsuki knows this. he knows he’s basically a fucking virgin all but in title at thirty and that he’s got the personality of a dried-out fig you find in your fridge weeks after its last edible moments. he doesn't have much to offer.

but he walked into work one day and nodded at you, curt, a grimace on his face—and you smiled at him so kindly that his stomach twisted.

with you, it wasn't the feeling of something being torn apart. it was different, lighter. leaves wrenched into the sky by a strong breeze. still a kind of tearing, but different—less destructive.

he was wearing a deep carmine sweater his mom sent him in one of her bi-monthly care packages (as if he’s not an adult, and a pro-hero on top of that), and you said, “that’s such a nice color on you. is it new?”

there was that breeze inside his chest, strong, pulling at his bones. “yeah,” he grunted. then slowly, as if remembering how: “thanks.”

it was the attention, he thought at first, that piqued his interest. he wasn't used to it. people always watched him from afar, and he had fans online that were borderline obsessive, but people didn’t approach him. they didn’t say that’s such a nice color on you. they didn’t smile the way you smile.

he’s always had a shallow streak. it’s not like he doesn’t know this. it’s become a little muted over time, a little discouraged by the visible scarring on his face and body from his time in the field, but it’s never fully been eradicated. so it was simple, he thought. you paid him attention and stroked his ego, and he preened like a self-obsessed bird of paradise.

and then you started making these little origami whale sharks.

fucking stupid. it bothered him an annoying amount. you had a bunch at your desk, all different colors and sizes, some taped to your desktop monitor, some hung up with little pieces of string under the desk's storage overhang. you drew dots on the back of each one, a distinct spotted pattern that was unique for each shark. and you made them for everyone but him. eijirou bought you a pack of high quality origami paper and you made him his own fucking school, all with little faces, winking or surprised or angry, their wide paper mouths gaping and empty, the lines of their bodies pressed careful and sure.

he hated it. it was annoying and a waste of company time and he usually didn’t ever use dumb corporate slogans like “a waste of company time” but you were really pushing his fucking limits.

it was definitely just the attention he liked, he told himself, because surely someone doing something as dumb as this would annoy him to no fucking end if he spoke to them.

and then he spoke to you and he was wrong.

he asked why you made the damn things in the first place and you told him, “i like whale sharks. but to be totally honest, i just run out of things to do."

and he saw that as a challenge. you were running out of things to do? rest assured he could find more shit for you to take care of. so he did. tasks that he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy, they were so dull and time-consuming. and you were so achingly competent that it drove him up a fucking wall. you completed everything he asked of you in half the time it would take someone else, and you always reported back with a smile, and you always did good work, and he could see himself having a conversation with you about something other than work but he didn't want to try because he was worried he'd begin to like you as a person.

you're pretty. really fucking pretty. he can see that now, and he sure as fuck saw it then. you're hardworking. you're just likeable, and that's something katsuki had never been. it (reluctantly) impressed him. worse than that, it turned his feelings for you into a sort of interest.

but he knows he's not normal when it comes to things like this.

he tried to distance himself from you because of it, but it turns out that asking someone to do work for you means you do have to speak to them sometimes. and sometimes turned into a lot of times.

sometimes turned into bringing him coffee in the morning, not because he asked you to, but because you're sweet like that. sometimes turned into being the person he bounced ideas off of when he had a board meeting coming up or something otherwise boring and meticulous. sometimes turned into you laughing at his prickly comments rather than going quiet because of them. turned into you saying suck it up, dynamight, this is what it means to be the boss when he complained about doing paperwork.

sometimes turned into staying late with him at the office, getting take out for the two of you to share while you finished filing claims and damage reports and other stuff he hated taking care of by himself. sometimes turned into him asking you to stay late just because he wanted you there. because even when he was quiet, you'd tell him about your day, about things that happened in the office, about how much you like the book you'd both been reading. he loved listening to you talk. felt comfortable enough to tell you things about himself when he'd never felt comfortable doing that before.

sometimes turned into you holding out a piece of fried tofu from your take-out container for him to eat while he was approving time-off forms that he should have looked at much earlier that week, and you being so close that he could notice how good you smelled, and the warmth of your body basically radiated towards him, like all your energy was focused on him, and your smile was small but somehow even more lovely than usual, a secret for him to tuck away and keep, and when you finished feeding him and he had a little sauce on the corner of his mouth and you reached forward to wipe it off for him and your hand lingered there for a moment and your eyes fell to his lips and what if you try to kiss me and i'm wrong and you hate me for it and what if i can't give you what you want and what if i'm not actually what you want what if i've disappointed you already what if—

it was too much.

so he fucked it up. your thumb was so soft against his skin. he reeled backwards in his chair, rolling it whole feet clear of you, and he felt the tearing again, the bad kind, like paper unevenly shredded by clumsy hands, and he had to leave. he had to leave. he needed to leave so badly that it felt like pulling his skin off would be preferable to being in that office with you.

hiding in the bathroom was fucking pitiful. he remembered his breathing exercises. he remembered to ground himself. and when he came back to his office, you were gone.

if he was normal—and he wants to be normal, god fucking damn—he could have stomached your proximity. he could have eaten out of your fucking hand. he could have touched you back like a normal person probably would have and he wouldn't be here, alone, looking at a little purple sticky note you left him that says i finished organizing the pto forms. i hope you feel better!

he doesn't know whose pride you're trying to save with that. as if you didn't leave because he made things so fucking awkward by running away from you when you touched him. when you—maybe, if he was reading the room correctly—were about to kiss him.

and you don't speak to him for days. he doesn't want to push so he doesn't—just watches you out of the corner of his eye whenever you're both in the same room, which is arguably worse. he's not sure. he's just itching to fucking talk to you because he misses it.

he misses you. in a more-than-friends way.

it takes a while for him to realize this. when he does, it hits him like a metal rod up the side of the head. it's fucked up of him to miss you the way he does when he doesn't feel like he can provide you with the things a normal person could. and though he's worked on his patience over the years—worked on understanding that he can't have everything he wants—it doesn't stop him from being selfish and finally pulling you aside to talk.

and baffling as fucking ever, the first thing you say is sorry. "i know i should've talked to you about it earlier. i just—i shouldn't have done that. and i know it. i shouldn't have assumed that—i don't know. that you..."

you look helpless. it's one of the very few times that katsuki has ever felt the compulsion to touch someone. not because he wants the touch, per se, but because he wants to be able to provide comfort. he never figured out how to do that with words. he's so focused on his inability to comfort you that he barely has any idea of what you're actually talking about. instead of doing anything at all, he just stands there like a fuckwad.

"i just want you to know that i would never—like never—have touched you, or tried to... if i didn't think there was like, a vibe?" you shake your head, exasperated with yourself. "god, even that sounds so bad. i'm sorry, i just—"

"wait, what are—?" and then it clicks, because he's been slow on the uptake figuring out his shit when he should have been focusing way more on yours. "there was..." katsuki says, and he fucking hates that he can't find better words for what you were both feeling in his office, "a vibe."

the way your face changes when you're flustered is one of katsuki's favorite things, but it's not as enjoyable when he feels just as flustered as you look. "i—oh? so... so you—?"

his ears feel like they're being attacked by two heated straightening irons and he knows they're red as hell right now. he's gonna have to say this plainly even though he'd rather get his teeth pulled out one by one with a pair of pliers. "it's not you."

your expression loses any sort of hope it once held. you press your lips together and sigh, maybe a little exasperated. he's doing his best here but he knows his best is shit. "i can handle a non-cliché rejection," you tell him. "honestly, i'd prefer a non-cliché rejection—"

"i'm not trying to reject you," he says, and it's selfish of him. because he's really not. he isn't comfortable with the things you'd want from him, but he still wants you in some capacity. "i just don't—do shit like that."

"kissing?"

somehow knowing for sure that you did want to kiss him in his office makes him want you more. he likes that you're bold. he likes that you're not ashamed of that. he wants to be different than he is. "any... of it," he struggles to admit.

"at all?"

he nods.

"just—like touching, and stuff?"

it sounds so juvenile that he can't help but laugh through his nose, roll his eyes. "yeah. touching and stuff."

"oh."

you're disappointed. of course you are. it's not like he expected anything different, but—sometimes he fucking hates his life. hates that he can't be the thing people need him to be. hates that trying is so difficult, that it flings his stomach into space, like a throwing stone skipping across a still lake.

"so you don't go on dates, or anything."

"haven't tried."

"do you not want to?" you ask, and he can tell it's more of a genuine question than anything. you're curious about him, like you always are. it's more than he deserves, for all he can offer.

"doesn't make sense to."

"that's not what i asked."

it's not. and so katsuki listens as you ask your question again, and he really takes a moment to think.

considering the answer to your question leads him to his first date with you. and his second, and his third—his fourth, and he's keenly aware that his last fourth date ended with what he expects all dates are supposed to end with.

he takes you to the aquarium. because of all the fucking origami whale sharks. you still haven't given him one and it sticks in his craw like a bone. in front of the backlit tank that holds sharks of all types, shapes and sizes and teeth he's never pictured possible of a living creature before, he asks, "why sharks?"

you look at him, brow raised. "i don't know. they probably needed the biggest tank in the aquarium. and this looks like the biggest tank."

"no, dumbass—your sharks. the ones all over the fuckin' office."

"what, you don't like them?" you ask, but you're smiling, sly.

he shrugs. he thinks they're dumb as hell. he wants one to hang up at work, like the ones you've got hung up at your desk. "they're whatever. they clutter the fuck out of ei's office. and he's already got issues organizing." you've just made eijirou so many at his point, and it's getting ridiculous. "but what—are they easy to make, or something?"

you laugh a little. "no. not at all, actually." a whale shark swims by, its spotted hide shimmering in the tank's eerie blue lighting, and you watch it intently. "but it'd be boring if it was too easy."

this date ends with him walking you home from the aquarium a few blocks from your apartment and you smiling at him and telling him that you had a really great time, and he feels like a fucking freak because you don't even expect more. you don't wait for a kiss. don't look disappointed that he doesn't try to give you one. the way you look at him holds so much affection that he doesn't deserve and he has no idea how to reciprocate it to you, and somehow he lands on, "make me one."

"one what?" you ask, but he thinks you already know what he's asking. you like to play coy. he likes it when you play coy. when you're enjoying yourself.

"one of your little fuckin' paper things," he mutters, because admitting that he wants one of those dumbass sharks feels somehow demeaning. he doesn't want you to know how much he's wanted one. "ei's got a million of 'em."

your hand was on your door handle, but it falls to your side. he's keenly aware of its proximity to him. he doesn't feel that terrible ripping in his gut and its absence is almost frightening to him. your fingers tighten into a fist. it's cold out. "ah, and you're jealous?"

"no," he says, knee-jerk. "i just don't get why everyone gets one but me."

you smile when he says this and he could live in this image of you, delicate and small and made for him. he goes home and thinks about it until he falls asleep. thinks about it even beyond then, feels that strong breeze inside him tearing every leaf from its grounded perch.

here's the thing—nothing against jirou, but unlike his other fourth date, this one was enjoyable. more than. he loved watching you be amazed by the size of the whale sharks, and he loved watching you put a bunch of coins into the penny press and cranking the machine until one was squeezed out into the pattern you wanted, and he loved watching you lay your hand against the glass where the rubbery wings of a flood of stingrays battled for your attention, and—

he loved watching you. that's weird, right? he sounds like a fucking lunatic thinking that.

but he does. he hadn't realized until now how difficult it had been not only to touch people, but to look at them. maintaining eye contact, watching someone do a simple task out of interest instead of staring them down in an attempt to intimidate them. he's so much more fucked up than he thought but what makes it bearable is that he can do it with you. he can watch the way you enjoy things and feel like he's not intruding on something he shouldn't. without even trying, you make him feel welcome—wanted.

that's it. you make him feel wanted.

the realization affects him in a way he doesn't understand. at work the next day, when you smile at him over the top of the front desk, he feels something incredibly strong—something like instinct—that tells him to touch you. small. a thumb brushed across your cheek. his fingers grazing yours. he wants it in a way that can't be right because he's never wanted to touch someone like this.

he doesn't do it, but he thinks about it all day. your little smiles when you notice him watching you on your dates, the way your fingers graze your lips when you cover your laugh, the softness in the way you regard him. you're quiet, reserved, but when you laugh you laugh hard. he wants your soft, your quiet and your loud, he wants the feeling of your fingers on his lips, he wants your smallest smiles, all things he wishes he could fold up and keep and later display somewhere he can always see them. a school of paper fish, gaping mouths and drawn-on spots and such carefully pressed lines.

so on the eleventh date—(he knows it's ridiculous to count, but he's never spent this much time with one person before, not like this)—he reaches for your hand when you're walking alongside the bay, the air turning cold in the wake of the sunset that the two of you had just witnessed. that's romantic, you'd teased when he asked you to watch it with him. he'd rolled his eyes, shrugged you off.

but maybe he wanted it to be romantic. maybe he wanted to make this as normal as possible for you because nothing has been normal between the two of you so far.

you pull back when he reaches for you, as if on instinct. look up at him, confused, when he reaches out again. "katsuki..." you say, and it sounds as if he's done something wrong.

he tries not to let his brain spiral but thoughts drip inwards. water meeting a dented hull. what has he done this time? what else has he fucked up by being fundamentally wrong?

"you know..." you start, and you lose your words.

he thinks of kyoka, years ago. it's okay, you know. to not like it. he wonders if you'll still text him like she does.

your lips pull into a frown before you speak and katsuki can't breathe. "i was never gonna ask on my own because i know you don't like talking about things like this if you don't bring it up. but—um. katsuki—do you think i expect something from you?"

"huh?" he asks, dumb. breathing is still something he fails to do.

"i know that this is—different. i know you have some things going on that make the physical part hard for you." you look up at him so earnestly, and he loves looking at you. he loves looking at you and doesn't want to have to stop and he's worried that this is it. the moment he'll have to stop. you try to smile and it's small and he wants it all for himself. careful. delicate. secret, for him. "i'm not gonna lie to you. i don't know what a relationship without that kind of stuff looks like. but that doesn't mean i'm not willing to find out. it's—i don't need you to try to do something you think i want you to do."

"i'm not."

"it makes me feel a little sick, kat. honestly. it makes me feel like, i don't know—like i'm taking advantage of you, or something—"

"you're not."

"you don't have to do things like that to keep me around." you look flustered, eyes darting from his face to the skyline. "if you want me, i'm—you know."

it's okay, you know. "i don't know."

"i'm yours," you say, and cringe immediately at your words. "or like—i could be, you know, kind of whatever you wanted, if you—if that's what you want. would want."

katsuki can only remember a few times when his head was this quiet in the presence of someone else. when he trusted someone enough to let his mind go blank, to let himself act on instinct. "can i kiss you?"

you sigh. "this is what i was saying. i don't want you to—"

"no," he says, quiet, and he's closer to you than he's ever been. he likes the way you smell. he's not gonna apologize if that's weird. "i just want—god, i feel pathetic asking again. can i just—?"

just, just, just. just a touch, just a kiss, just a moment of your fucking time—it's all he wants. and he's never wanted like this. he's never trusted like this. his head has never quieted entirely because he's so sure that he's not going to disappoint you, or be something you don't actually want, or be wrong.

you've shown him that he can't be wrong with you, regardless of whether or not something within him is broken.

your lips are warm, a little chapped from the dry air, and he tries to remember what kissing chastely is but it's like something breaks in him further the second the two of you touch. his hands are cradling your face, his tongue is gliding against your tongue, his teeth are clacking against your teeth, and he knows the kiss is bad and wrong and messy but he suddenly needs it. he needs to feel you.

you make a noise against him and worry slices into his stomach before he realizes it's a quiet, breathy moan, and maybe you've been okay without the touch but that doesn't mean you don't enjoy it when you receive it. he can tell he hasn't made his boundaries clear enough—your hands circle his wrists, too cautious to go further, too hesitant to grip him like he thinks you want to. like he wants you to want to.

his teeth hit yours again and you laugh, and he pulls back, stomach tight. there's a hope in him that's ready to be torn.

you see it in his face—the fear. "i love kissing you," you blurt out, as if it's the only reassurance you can think of in the moment. "i mean—you're just." you laugh again, and he realizes it's nerves. you're just as nervous as he is. "can i—can we go somewhere warm? and maybe do this more? or—if this was enough—"

he's pulling you towards his apartment before you can get another word out.

kissing you is easy because you make him feel like it's relatively new for you as well. maybe that's how it feels for everyone every time, but he wouldn't know. he just feels comfortable with you. like you're not so much better than him, like you're not waiting to laugh at him when he fucks up, like you're touching him because you really want to.

so he takes you to his apartment and puts you on his couch and kisses you until your back is against the armrest and he's looming over you and you feel comfortable enough that your hands stray from his wrists to his shoulders to his hair and he didn't even know touching someone could feel like this.

put aside the fact that he's nearly finished in his fucking jeans three times just from your fingers running across his back, from the way you cup his cheek when he pulls back for air because he keeps forgetting to breathe—just having you close is intoxicating. he wants to bury his face in the curve of your shoulder, he wants to bite marks into your skin that'll stay vibrant for weeks, he wants to etch himself into you so deeply that he doesn't have to leave. these wants aren't even sexual—it's something about having you be his. i'm yours, you'd told him, and he hadn't even known that it would be exactly what he needed to hear.

he's in love with you, which isn't shocking to him, but he knows he shouldn't be in love with you yet because people that aren't fucked up in the head don't feel shit like this so quickly. he's not gonna tell you this for a very long time, but he knows—so completely and confidently—that he will reach a point when he can tell you.

"you sure you want this?" he asks, breathy, between kisses.

you stop kissing him, brows raised in surprise. "katsuki, we don't... this is a lot for one night. we can take it slow, still."

"that's—i'm not talking about that." he gives in, then—lets himself bury his face in the crook of your neck, lets himself breathe in deep, lets himself find your hands and intertwine your fingers, and you can probably feel that he's hard as fucking metal for you but that's not what's important right now. it sure as hell makes it awkward to try to have a serious conversation, though. "you sure you wanna deal with all... you know. my stuff."

"are you sure you wanna deal with all of my stuff?" you counter, and he pulls back to look at you. kissed rotten and smiling. "of course i want to deal with it. i like you."

and he likes you too. god, he likes you so fucking much.

the next morning, long after you've left for home, he finds a little orange whale shark hidden behind the alarm clock on his bedside table, stars in the place of eyes, and the trace of you is enough to make him feel warm. to hope that over time his apartment becomes full of the little paper creatures until his home is its own aquarium, until everywhere he looks is a memory of all you've brought him—pieces of you, perfectly arranged and delicately folded by your careful hands, much too gentle to tear.

[artsycervidae]

Wait im not done

Having a fixation on a character where the fandom is majority catered to thirst and lust can be very difficult sometimes.

[hedgehog-troops]

"which marauders ship do you hate the most" "which marauders headcannon do you hate the most" "which sirius headcannon do you–"

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPPPP

why cant we just be happy??? WHY cant we just let pther enjoy ehat they enjoy, and enjoy what we enjoy???

"hot take but i didnt like atyd" "hot take but i didnt like choices" AND NOBODY GAVE A FLYING FUCK!!! TAKE YOUR NEGATIVE ASS BEHAVIOUR SOMEHWERE ELSE OH MY GOSH.

"jegulus is SO weird" "jily is stupid" "wolfstar doesnt make sense"

TO YOU!! TO 🫵YOU🫵🫵🫵🫵!!! OTHER PEOPLE LIKE IT AND ITS OKAAAYYYY!!

"you guys gave regulus lilys personality" "you guys gave regulus snapes personality"

get a life. get an actual fucking life BECAUSE NONE OF THESE SHITS ARE REAL!!!! LET PEOPLE DO WHAT THEY PLEASE.

"idk why snapes worst memory was that, it wasnt that serious"

BRO WAS ASSAULTED!!! PUBLICLY!!! DARE I SAY IT WAS THAT SERIOUS!!!!!

"snape was a good person"

he bullied little kids!!! he can br a traumatised bullied person ehilst also being a traumatising bullying person!!!!.

Y'ALL FORGET THAT CANONICALLY ALL THE MARAUDERS ERA BOYS ARE SHIT PEOPLE!!!

james assulted and bullied someone

sirius tried to kill a kid because of petty rivalry

remus watched it happen whilst having the power to stop them

severus called his bsf a racist slur and bullied children

peter outed his bsf to het him killed

BARTY AND EVAN WERE FUCKING DEATH EATERS!!! REGULUS WAS ONE OF VOLDYS CLOSEST PEOPLE!!!

sure they all did SOME good things but theyre still shitty people.

YES, FANON EXISTS. WEVE MADE IT. LET PEOPLE BE. LET THEM LIKE WHAT THEY LIKE!!!

also, fan artists, fanfic writers are a fucking BLESSING!!! theyre not paid to write shit for you guys, they're not REQUIRED TO DO ANYTHING!!!

keep your opinions to yourself because if i see one more person bashing a fic im going to crash tf out cz it seems as if everyone has forgotten about the handy dandy BACK BUTTON ON EVERYONES FUCKING PHONES.

anyways rant over, thankyou all.

[avengerphobic]

did the avengers even do anything about orchis? they were killing mutants but the avengers don't even give a shit

🏃🏿‍♂️3dmanofficial Follow

am i joke to you

134 notes

🏺greencianurn 🔁 pro-bono-boner

☢️chulkstan Follow

FYI Amadeus is really uncomfortable with yall writing amadeus/herc fics. Cut that shit out

🏺greencianurn Follow

lmao im not gonna stop #why is he even searching it up

1,568 notes

❄️lunasnowed Follow

i cant believe people are still circulating those pictures of brawn and luna kissing #i dont get why people ship them #luna just seems so much like a lesbian #honestly could have been a publicity stunt

14 notes

🕷️spidermarvel 🔁 tony-fucked-that-old-man

anonymous asked: I write fanfic of my friends (we're superheroes). Anyway i found my friends fanfiction of us and confronted him about it, and he said it was weird that I was reading fanfiction about us. And i was like well its weird that you're writing fanfiction about us. he called me a hypocrite. And I got mad and yelled at him and told him I didn't like that he wrote fanfiction where we got together and that it was even weirder that he wrote it so that it was a love triangle with our other friend. He's not speaking to me rn. I feel bad because it is hypocritical of me to be mad. But I feel like writing self-ship is different than shipping your friends. idk....

⚖️aita-polls Follow

#did msmarvel send this in lol

6,594 notes

⚔️blackknightofficial

actually really hurt that theres hardly any rpf of me #there should at least be a couple of fics of me getting down and dirty during the crusades

🤖robotomato 🔁 cap4cap

🌟cap4cap

people are weird why ship a guy with a dude who tries to kill him like every other week

#dont get the appeal especially when he has a best friend and wife?

7 notes

🚀illegalrocketship

I saw one of my mutuals vaguing me for shipping dr doom and reed richards. Girl have you seen the way victor looks at him? I have eyes and a heart #villian/hero antis are such losers

4 notes

🌟cap4cap

I DO NOT SHIP SAM WILSON AND STEVE ROGERS I SHIP MONICA RAMBEAU/STEVE ROGERS...... STEVE ROGERS IS NOT GAY #can you people leave me aloneeeee #ive been shipping captain marvel and captain America since before most of yall have been alive

3 notes

👨🏻‍🦲mrcleansgaybrother🔁yougottapinata

☄️mutantmeanace Follow

so we're all in agreement that professor x and magneto fucked right

🪅yougottapinata Follow

dont be fucking weird magneto dropped a car through my house??

👨🏻‍🦲mrcleansgaybrother

yeah and he fucked professor x

153 notes

🇨🇦 alphadflight 🔁 northstarofficial

anonymous asked: Is it okay to ship you with Iceman even though you're married

💫northstarofficial Follow

Uh, so I'm not the superhero Northstar. I am a roleplay account for the North Star. Like in the Sky. But Sure you can ship me with Iceman #adjalkfjaajkfd

1,567 notes

anonymous asked: Not you shipping Bucky and Steve Rogers even tho steve met bucky when he was literally a child

🦥slothbaby

I DIDNT KNOW 😭 #i should have looked it up i know but it just never occurred to me #because its such a widespread ship

19 notes

👨🏻‍🦲mrcleansgaybrother

i want to shine professor x's bald head #id let him run me over with his wheelchair ugh

12 notes

🇺🇸 usgaygent

did yall see how sad us agent looked looking at hawkeye in this video. he wants him so bad..... #hawkagent #us agent #hawkeye #clint barton #the way being us agent is a performance for him #and the government doesnt let him act on his feelings #so he just has to burn with desire

1 note

🪩discodomino

why isnt there one million fics about them 😭😭😭 #UGH WHYYYY

15 notes

⛈️stormscloud

the way yall ship dazzler with every woman she so much as looks at is so annoying no wonder she's locked in the fucking closet yall wont stop speculating about who she has fucked #i hate rpf fans

4 notes

🌞wondermaynnnn

do yall think hank beast and wonder man have explored each others bodies

10 notes

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

READ 70 PAGES OF THE GOOD OMENS BOOK WITH WHICH I HAVE HOMOEROTIC TENSION AS WE KNOW

WE ALL KNOW ABOUT THE HOMOEROTIC RIVALRY BETWEEN ME AND MY COPY OF THE GOOD OMENS BOOK. WE KNOW. IT STARES AT ME, I STARE BACK, IT DARES ME TO READ IT AND FALL IN LOVE WITH CROWLEY MORE, I REFUSE. WE PUT THE UST IN LUST ETC.

BUT TODAY/YESTERDAY (RIP SLEEP SCHEDULE) SINCE I WASNT ON TUMBLR, I READ TILL PAGE 70 OF THE BOOK (TILL THE PART CALLED WEDNESDAY) AND GOD FUCKING DAMN. I READ IT LISTENING TO AN AZIRAPHALE BOOKSHOP AMBIENCE AND WITH CHOPIN PLAYING AND CANDLES LIT. ANYWAY. THINGS THAT HAVE STUCK OUT TO ME:

Crowley. Just everything about Crowley. God I love him. I fucking love him. This is why I avoid reading the book. I'm such a slut for Crowley. It's manageable on the show when I know it's an actor. But WORDS CROWLEY? WORDS CROWLEY IS REAL. I AM SO IN LOVE.

Aziraphale has perfectly manicured hands. I'm pretty sure this has been mentioned three times in the first 70 pages. Three times at minimum. I forget how twink he is in the show (idk how) but man the book does NOT let you forget and I love that.

Crowley absent-mindedly sank a duck. Aziraphale called him my dear (fanfic authors everywhere: write that down write that motherfucking shit down it's better than porn). Crowley un-sunk the duck. The duck was cross.

CROWLEY DID I MENTIONED CROWLEY OH MY BABY FANCIED THE JAMES BOND DECALS HE WANTED TO LISTEN TO VIVALDI COZ THEY WERE SO STRESSED AFTER RECEIVING THE ANTICHRIST THEY LOVE GOLDEN GIRLS (I LOOKED IT UP AND OH CROWLEY) THEY DRANK FOR A WEEK AFTER SEEING THE SPANISH INQUISITION THEY OMG.

THE DRUNK SCENE. I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THE DOLPHINS CONVERSATION. OMG THESE TWO FUCKING FOOLS I ADORE THEM.

Crowley IN THAT SCENE AND AZIRAPHALE IN THAT SCENE HOLY SHIT. CROWLEY JUST LISTING OFF ALL THE THINGS SHE KNOWS AZIRAPHALE LOVES.

AND OMG. The CONVOLUTED FUCKING METAPHOR CROWLEY COMES UP WITH INVOLVING A LITTLE BIRD FLYING TO THE ENDS OF THE UNIVERSE AND PECKING A MOUNTAIN AND COMING BACK AND DOING IT ON LOOP. FOR WHAT? JUST TO SAY THAT WHEN THE MOUNTAIN WAS GONE, HEAVEN WOULD STILL BE PLAYING THE SOUND OF MUSIC.

As usual just like me Crowley shot himself in the foot with that metaphor. Because AZIRAPHALE, THE LEGEND, STARTS SAYING THE BIRD MUST BE IMMORTAL FOR THAT, AND THEN SAYS NO ACTUALLY THE BIRD IS BEING CARRIED IN A SPACESHIP AND THE DESCENDANTS EMERGE FROM THE SPACESHIP and poor crowley is saying SO THE BIRD REACHES THE MOUNTAIN and azi excitedly says IN THE SPACESHIP and AAAAAAAAA-

Anyway right yes sorry what were we doing oh right the book.

Anathema is so adorable as a kid what a little brat holy shit I love her. I want to see all her homework written in Middle English. I want to know which teacher finally summoned the balls to correct it.

NEWT MON CHERI HE'S SO EXCITED ABOUT ONLY DESTROYING THE HOUSE'S POWER CIRCUIT WITH HIS EXPERIMENT. Because apparently last time he fucking caused a power outage in the whole block. Or county. We stan an optimist (no one talk to me about Crowley being an optimist I will go feral and rip your larynx out).

THE THIRD BABY DID NOT WIN PRIZES FOR TROPICAL FISH. THIS IS LIKE THE ENDING OF VILETTE WHEN CHARLOTTE BRONTE GOT GUILTTRIPPED BY HER DAD INTO WRITING IT AS AN OPEN ENDING BUT WE ALL KNOW IT'S A TRAGEDY FUCK ME.

CROWLEY THE PRAY THAT HE DOESN'T IT SOUNDS SO SUAVE IN THE SHOW BUT IN THE BOOK IT LITERALLY SAYS "AND FLEES". THE CHAOTIC ANXIOUS MOTHERFUCKER MAKES A RUN FOR IT.

AZIRAPHALE FUCKING GLOWERING AT CUSTOMERS AND SCARING THEM AWAY USING EVERY MEANS SHORT OF PHYSICAL VIOLENCE IM DEAD THAT LITTLE BASTARD PEAK CROSS INTROVERT ELDRITCH MONSTER ENERGY.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR ADAM TO ENTER (WELL AS A NOT BABY) AHAH.

I HOPE WARLOCK IS OKAY.

CROWLEY BEING DESCRIBED AS A YOUNG MAN DOES THINGS TO ME. AS DO THE DARK HAIR AND GOOD CHEEKBONES. DON'T EVEN TALK ABOUT DOING WEIRD THINGS WITH HIS TONGUE. I AM A SLUT FOR HER. IT'S TIMES LIKE THIS I REMEMBER WHY IM GREYACE AND NOT ENTIRELY ASEXUAL. IT'S CROWLEY.

I LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKES LIKE I DON'T EVEN GET SOME BUT THE DRY TONE IS HILARIOUS. LIKE HOW BOTH WARLOCK'S HEAVENLY AND HELLISH TUTORS READ FROM THE BOOK OF REVELATION. AND THE CUTTING COMMENTARY LIKE HOW THE DOWLINGS' SECRET AGENTS WERE TRAINED TO REACT TO WOMEN IN LONG ROBES. OR THE POLITICAL COMEDY WITH ALL THE CULTURAL ATTACHES AT ST JAMES. IT MAKES ME AMUSED EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO CONTEXT. I WISH I UNDERSTOOD THEM MORE.

SORRY WHY AM I YELLING ABOUT THIS BEFORE 6 IN THE MORNING FUCK I FORGOT MY SLEEP MEDS NO WONDER IM STILL AWAKE AND HYPER ALSO CROWLEY ALSO AZI ALSO ADAM I HOPE MY LITTLE PLANTS MAKE IT.

WHEN IM DONE READING THE BOOK I WANNA REREAD IT OUT LOUD TO MY THREE LITTLE PLANTS TO MAKE THEM GROW HAPPY AND KNOW WHOM THEY WERE NAMED AFTER.

[funeralpartyclown]

dale has got to have insane kinks…… like this man is going to want to have cameras on you and shove random shit up you and make you say weird stuff to him . I LOVE HIM I CANT

SO TRUE…

Sorry if this is too much for you guys im just writing anything I think of 😭 pls lmk if it gets to be too much,,

I think he would be into a lot of worse stuff. Blood, knife play, bondage (unsafe probably) corruption, marking you up, age gaps (LEGALLY. Not that kinda freaky)

Cameras for sure, he’d love that. Pull your hair and force you to look right at it while he rams into you from behind. The way it makes it feel so much dirtier, his own personal pornstar. He’d watch them over CONSTANTLY and make you watch too while whispering filthy things into your ear.

Random stuff in you, I can see that. I imagine him having very few limits,, as much as I do love him. You cannot look at a picture of him and go yeah that’s a regular guy. He is into anything and everything fucked up and weird. If you’d let him do that he’d abuse the opportunity and just see what he can fit up there for fun and you’re probably ending up injured or with an infection to be honest..

Making you say weird stuff,, I can see too but it would probably be realll fucked up with him. He knows exactly how to make you uncomfortable and what gets you flustered and hes forcing you to repeat the nastiest things he can think of just to watch your face flush in red, stumbling with your words.

I think he’d really enjoy wax play too and he had plenty of candles. Idk if this is true because I wasn’t paying attention to it but I’ve seen people say the gun Lee has at the end of the movie isn’t hers, and was probably dales. Gun play…. With Dale… cold metal being slowly dragged across your skin. Loaded pressed to your temple safety off. Fucking you with the barrel, finger on the trigger, better sit still for him.

Size difference for sure, which is great for him because hes huge. The one shot of him and Lee from the side in the interrogation room where hes slouching and his legs are bent but hes still SO much larger than her? I need him to lay on top of me and suffocate me.

I think he’d enjoy making his partner cry (only during anything sexual) just watching you squirm and beg incoherently with tears running down your face, listening to your voice crack.

Marking up for sure, especially if afterwards he can make up an excuse to drag you out in public and show it off. In most longlegs fanfics it takes place in a small middle of nowhere town, he’d love risking your friends and family having to see you not only with him but covered in a painting of bruises and indents. No shame no restraint no respect for others comfort or social norms. He’s being awful in public, and with most of the fandom from what I’ve seen being like early 20s-30s the age gap would be VERY visible.

One sweeter thing I think he’d especially enjoy, have you in top for specific reasons. He’d be used to the treatment he gets from most people by now and have a hard time believing you actually want him, he needs a lot of reassurance. Esp if you initiate things, having you on top would have him in tears. Facing him, nails digging into his clothes, hot breath on his neck, repeatedly making the effort to bring him closer to you. Every sweet second you spend moving on top of him is just more confirmation to him that you want and need him.

Non-sexual but, I think he’d really like to do things for you as well. Having you need him, reaching things off a shelf, opening containers, lifting something heavy.

Bdsm, bondage, whips, paddles, restraints, all of it anything you ask hes okay with trying. If you’re really vanilla, good luck I don’t see him being able to adhere to that. If you reciprocate his feelings it will take very little time for him to feel serious about your relationship and he looks at you almost like his property, though that extends both ways. He’s just assuming you’re okay with whatever he wants, because he’d do the same for you. I think at first he’d ask if you’re okay with it before trying something but eventually he just does what he wants and waits for your reaction.

[lacesoflove]

in fear of this being posted on the subreddit (which would be funny because they supposedly hate us on that side so if they find this post it means they’re lurkers fr) but on the topic of reddit fans- i feel that because hazmah and martin are aware or “make fun of” (using this phrase for lack of a better one) internet/fandom culture, it makes them and slushies ‘above it’ all. which is like…no? and also i can tell that most of the reddit community have never interacted with fandom (in this case, specifically the fanfiction writing side of fandom) culture beyond making fun of it or like viewing it through the very narrow, 2010s lens of it just being harry styles fanfics (which is very much rooted in misogyny but that’s topic for another day!). i’ve quite literally been making fanfictions and engaging in fandom since the ripe age of 7 on my family’s old busted Microsoft computer, and i’ll say in my 10 years since then that this fandom is relatively tame. the fics, specifically smut, aren’t too insane (besides this one hamzah x martin fic i stumbled 🌝) or dark and i’m 90% sure hamzah is chill with it, especially considering he literally read a fic in the camping vlog. and also, hamzah’s been on the internet for a hot minute now i think he probably realises that people will write fics for you like idk guys im hoping to not try add fuel to this weird niche beef 😭 but like the reddit fans are scary

[x3nx]

BEEET!!!!! HERE IT IS...

um also this was finished back in october or smth AND its my first writing thing so prepare for it bc it might be bad... also idk its also a bit corny and cliche and cringe so!!! yeahhaahAANAYSWAYS CLICK THE CUT FOR IT

hater and wander are stuck in a room together. the lightning horned being had been banging on the locked door for atleast 3 minutes now, yelling for somebody to get him out of the dimmed secluded room with the fuzzy small nomad. wander had been sitting there, watching silently as hater tried to get into contact with literally anyone on the other side of the door.

"GROP DARN IT SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HEEEEEREEE..."

finally giving up on banging on the door, he put his forehead against it, sliding down onto his knees in defeat. wander took this chance to be able to talk to the large boney being. he walked up to be positioned behind him, the nomads hands clasped behind his back and looking over haters shoulder.

"it'll be okay hatey... eventually some fella will come wanderin' around here and let us out..."

the small spoon-shaped figure smiled softly after pausing.

"plus that gives us time to be with each other! you know, like play games, get to know each other, talk about our feelings..."

"SHUT UP I DONT WANT TO BE IN HERE WITH YOU!!!!!"

he turned around and sat on the floor with a grumpy slump, his back against the door. hater crossed his arms and puffed his cheeks in a pouty demeanor as he saw wander standing in front of him.

the good doers smile increased at the sight of the tantrum.

"aww, come on! it wont be so bad!! cheer up a bit!!!"

he nudged the other living being with his elbow, poking hater softly.

the villian growled a bit, wanders actions getting annoying to him like always.

"no."

he scooted himself to face a corner, moving away from wander.

"i dont want to talk to you."

the nomad obviously followed him to the spot he was in. once again he was behind him.

"yet you're talking to me right now, silly!"

wander lightheartedly chuckled at hater as the latter growled quietly.

"come on just talk to me or play a little game with me and ill stop botherin' you..."

now beginning to poke at the side of the annoyed beings body, he waited until hater gave a response to him. the prodding furthered haters anger after a minute, him yelling in frustration.

"RAAGHG FINE!!! ILL PLAY YOUR DUMB GAME... OR..WHATEVER!!!!!"

wander grinned in response as hater swiftly turned around from the corner with an irritated expression.

"so! how was your day hater?!!"

he stared at the taller figure with curiosity and innocence as he patiently waited for a response.

"ruined because of being forced in here with you."

"it was good before right now? what made it good??"

"...well i dont know. it was the same..."

"how exactly was your day 'the same'?"

".....urhm... yeah. im not doing this anymore. you're too annoying and weird..."

hater turned back around as wanders expression faltered. he sighed with a bit of sadness.

"what do i gotta do to be able to talk to you?"

"nothing. i thought you were gonna stop annoying me after i did something with you..."

there was a small pause between the two.

"...well okay, if thats what you want hater!"

wander walked away from him, unfazed. he sat down nearby the skeleton as his space was limited and looked at hater for a while before sighing. he then looked at a random spot on the empty white wall in boredom.

hater, still having the front of his body turned towards the corner, sat still. he sat still and silently, his thoughts and the eerie silence of the room the only company around since he pushed wander away.

not too soon after their last interaction, the both of them heard soft buzzing coming from an unknown source in the space. hater coughed quietly in uncomfortableness due to the prolonged quietness, though he'd rather it be like this than talk to the nomad.

. . . . .

some time had passed by. the exact time? none of them knew. and none of them had made a sound. not talking to each other. it was like it was illegal to speak to one another, atleast on haters side it was. wander would gladly chat with the guy.

the silence that went on for forever was cut by the horned figure moving to lay on the ground on his side. hater sighed with boredom evident in it, feeling the coldness of the floor on his smooshed face. he closed his eyes for a bit as he began to get a bit groggy from being tired due to boredom.

wander on the other hand was knitting something while he hummed a soft tune, not loud enough for lord hater to be annoyed by it. he had his signature starred green hat on the floor as yarn came out of it. his head suddenly moved upwards, hearing shuffling from the occupied corner. he viewed hater as he did the action then exhaled softly. it looked like hater was tired. wander continued watching the resting figure, the latter beginning to move again after a minute or two.

hater went to laying on his stomach as he couldn't sleep due to the hard uncomfortable floor and began to play with his fingers. he extended his arms and put his hands in front of his face, propping them up with two fingers on each hand. he pretended one hand was him, the other being wander and began to quietly mumble to himself.

"raaah, ima destroy you wander!"

his right hand 'pointed' at his left hand, aka wander.

"oh no! please dont destroy me all mighty hater!!"

hater changed his voice to be higher as he bent his left hands fingers, pretending it was wander cowering in fear and begging for mercy.

"no! i give no mercy to those who are pesky and irritating!! muahahaha!!!"

his right hand began to glow a neon green, green electricity forming.

"now say your goodbyes to your dumb horse and your dumb friends and your dumb everything, you wandering weir- OW!!!!!"

hater suddenly yelled loudly and jumped as he accidentally shocked his hand with his own powers somehow. he frowned slightly as he held his own hand before he heard a soft but faint chuckle nearby, turning his head to the source of the sound.

wander was the one laughing with fondness, covering his smile a bit as he looked at hater admiringly.

embarrassment creeping onto his face, the reddening individual stared at the giggly soul. he stared at the soft and carefree expression plastered on his face for a few seconds before shaking his head and spoke up, finally breaking the silence of their voices not speaking.

"...what?"

he unexpectedly found himself heating up more as he asked that.

"oh, nothing..."

wander held back his giggles of amusement as he started voicing his thoughts. he spoke up again.

"it just you..you playing with your fingers is pretty charming..and a bit silly..."

he put his head in his palm, propping it up as he gazed at hater with a lovingly expression.

hater, still laying on his stomach, began to lift himself up to sit down as wander spoke. while he stared at wanders expression, he tried to turn his embarrassment into anger, it only mixing together.

"SHUT UP!!!!!"

with his heart beginning to beat fast his face just continued growing hotter and redder.

the smiling fuzzy being took notice this obviously, beginning to scoot closer to him. as wander did so hater grew nervous for an unknown reason. the latter backed himself up more into the corner with his knees curling up into his chest. wander gazed at him continuously once he got in front of him.

hater did the opposite of wander, looking everywhere but him. he sweat in nervousness as an anxious expression crept up into his face, furrowing his eyebrows.

the infatuated nomad softly continued gazing into the embarrassed and nervous skeletons eyes, sometimes taking his eyes off of his to look at other details on his face. the smile on his face grew the more he looked.

this only made haters heart beat faster. he didnt know what he was so nervous for anymore, having the weird strange feeling in his stomach rise up in him again. a feeling he practically never felt before he met wander and can never describe. using the sole of his shoe he pushed wander away, only for him to come back again.

he tried to wipe off the newfound anxious smile growing on his face with his arm, rubbing it afterwards.

"um-"

the lightning horned figure turned to face the corner, holding his heated face with both hands in hopes the other being in the room would go away. a few minutes passed and he slowly started to relax, his muscles untensing and the warmth in his face barely there. he wondered where the nomad was before he jumped from him beginning to embrace him suddenly with no reason.

feeling the warmth from wanders body on him, he immediately frowned hard as the blush stuck back on his face and his heart quickly began to pump adrenaline through him again. a war started in his head, one side wanting to be let go, the other wanting to stay like this. it made him angry and confused on why he wanted wander to continue when he knew he wanted him to stop.

with little strength, he used his elbow and tried pushing him away. wander, instead of letting go, tightened his hug and laid his head on his shoulder. hater grumbled softly, moving as close as he can to the corner, only moving atleast a centimeter closer. the two stayed like that for a few, it slowly creeping its way up to being the record for the longest hug without hater pushing wander away angrily.

hater, during the prolonged embrace from the small cuddly nomad, began to feel more comfortable by the touch, usually being uncomfortable with it. though he did start to wonder why wander hasnt let go and stopped the hug. he wasnt complaining either. it actually felt a bit nice to be hugged by him, he always thought this before the current sitch. he would never admit that out loud verbally, his actions took care of that. he relaxed his body and leaned against the wall as a not too noticeable smile appeared on haters face. he closed his eyes and quietly hummed with content, filling the silence.

wander, who was resting on haters shoulder felt the latter move, opening his eyes and seeing the other being smile softly. it wasnt until hater began humming which made wanders heart explode from how cute he thought hater was being. it hit him that hater actually stayed in his embrace and liked it, which practically told him that he really didnt hate him after all and made him smirk widely. he made a 'hm' sound.

hearing the small noise from the nomad, he snapped back to reality, stopped smiling and opened his eyes, looking to his side where wander was staring, smirking widely at him.

"you do like me, dont you hater?"

confidently teased with a low 'i knew it' tone, he persisted with his facial expression.

the skeletons face heat up a smidgen. he then scoffed and rolled his eyes, trying to cover everything up as he turned his head away from the nomad.

"pshh- no... saying i like you is a bit muuu..n-NOOOT THAT I LIKETHEHUGORANYTHINGGETOFFOFME!!!!!!!!!!"

realizing what he just said, the lord whined loudly at wander, his voice getting high pitched as he yelled, prying the furry fellow off himself. he grabbed wander and threw him across the room and grabbed his hood with both hands, hitting himself with his fists.

wander landed perfectly on his feet like a cat, staring at lord hater who was berating himself.

"hatey, its okay..."

he walked back to him cautiously.

"its okay to like hugs..."

"SHUT UP OR YOURE GONNA MAKE ME FEEL WEIRD AGAI-"

he covered his mouth before he finished his sentence, though it didnt erase what he just blurted out.

"AAAAGHHGH!!!!!!!!!! JUST SHUT UP!!!"

hater gripped his horns, his face heating up furiously as he scrunched up more in the corner he was facing.

wander, now right behind him, blinked a few times after he said that, processing what he said.

"hater..?"

he lightly touched haters shoulder, the latter jumping slightly.

"...what exactly do you feel??.."

the distressed being didnt respond, hugging his knees and turning his head a bit as he had his face faced downwards.

wander looked at hater as he waited for a response. once he knew the latter wasnt gonna respond he sighed and sat down next to him against the wall.

he continued staring at the curled up lord who hid himself and began thinking about what he meant by what he just said. wander felt it was what he thought it was, now just thinking deeply about it. that was until hater unexpectedly spoke up.

"...u-uh..."

he looked up a bit, staring at the wall in front of him. wander can see how red he was. hater tried to voice something, making small noises. he wanted to tell wander about his feelings from earlier. unfortunately for him, he lost the second war in his head that fought about telling him or not, but he wasnt able to put it in words that made it make sense. he growled and then furrowed his eyebrows.

"i-i cant..."

"cant what?"

wander put his hand on haters arm, hater looking down at it and staring at the skull ring on his finger, getting flustered a bit more.

"put it into words i-"

sighing, he laid his head down again before picking it up again.

"i dont know... your fuzzy dumbass makes me so..angry and confused."

he inhaled softly

"...and strange. i hate this weird feeling. i hate you."

his eyebrows furrowed more as he felt himself get warmer than before when he glanced at wander for a single second.

a small smile appeared when hater finally began to tell wander about his feelings, he also saw the reddening of the other being as he glanced at him.

he hummed as he began to figure out how to help hater realize his new feelings without getting him to freak out about it, already knowing what was going on with him, something he fully understood. wanders face heat up a bit as he thought about it; hater having a possible crush on him.

"well..what exactly do you feel hater?? i want to understand what you feel so i can help you."

"AGWHHG LIKE THIS I DONT KNOW!!!"

he moved his hands up and down, pointing to his anxious demeanor as he raised his voice.

"nervous, warm, sweaty- i-i dont know okay??!"

"...uh huh... so..you only felt this today, right now? any other times with similar feelings or no?? how long???"

"...uh-um. i-i guess there are a few other times..a while ago..or something. atleast a few months after meeting you. why am i even..."

hater shook his head. he sighed as he pushed wanders hand off him, criss crossing as he held his head up with his hand, looking down.

"stupid..obsession with you... i cant resist wanting to chase you and destroy you. it makes me so angry. i cant stop thinking about you either... yo-you make me..just... m-my heart beats fast and i get all warm inside."

now covering his face in embarrassment of admitting that, he turned his back to wander.

wanders face slowly heat up, smiling brightly at hater.

"you said you dont know what this feeling is..right?"

"mm"

"well..."

the nomad took a small portion of air and put it into his lungs.

"do you know what being in love is hater?"

wander eyed hater from behind, awaiting his answer. he knew he was oblivious to these type of things so he helped him with realizing, doubting he figure it out right then and there.

"yeah. its when you look at someone and think their pretty and want to kiss them..."

the happy-go-lucky fellow softly chuckled at the response, pretty much expecting it from someone like him.

"its a lot more than that hatey... its when..the person youre in love with makes you feel happy, making you feel all warm and fuzzy inside when youre around them. youd also get nervous when their around. you have an emotional connection with them..."

he spat out meanings and examples as lord hater began to process what he said. it took about a great 5-10 minutes before hater finally realized he loved wander.

wander was sitting there with his hands clasped together before he heard shuffling from the lord besides him, now looking at him. hater had his head up and was staring at the wall for a while before he got up suddenly. he inhaled sharply.

"...sooo... i uh- i forgot to c-captain tim the dishwash an-and thats impetulant..so i-i-iiiIIIII GOTTAGOBYE!!!!!!!!!"

dashing to the locked door in fear and panic he tried to open it, fumbling with the knob.

"LET ME OOOOOUUUTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!"

wander immediately got up and went to hater in alarm.

"hater??!"

"NO."

hater fell dramatically on the floor with a thump, holding his hands up in front of him, shielding himself.

"G-GET AWAY FROM ME. YOURE WANDERIZING ME, YOURE WANDERIZING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

wander took a few steps back.

"its okay to be in love!!! i-im not mad or judging you!!!!"

hater went into another corner, curling back up and banging his head on his knees. he wanted so bad to be in denial with his newfound feelings but it became increasingly hard to do so.

the worried nomad studied hater, trying to come up with something to calm him down. he then took atleast a step closer and sat in front of him.

"hater, look. its okay. im not 'wanderizing' you or anything... you feel this way all on your own."

"HOW DO YOU KNOW??!"

"...well im not sure what wanderizing exactly is but uh..youd be acting different if i did do that?"

wander shrugged in confusion.

thinking for a few seconds, what wander told hater actually helped him. hater sighed in defeat as he thought that that made 'logical sense' and slumped against the corner. he crossed his arms and looked at the floor, trying to avoid eye contact with the nomad.

sighing, he laid his hands on haters knees, looking over them and beginning to gaze at the skeletons ashamed and embarrassed expression smeared on his face.

he continued staring, before breaking the silence by speaking up in a soft, gentle tone.

"...you know, im not gonna think any less of you for feeling this way..about me... i wouldnt ever think any less."

wander stayed silent for a second. he then began to smile softly.

"im actually proud of you."

hater widened his eyes and turned his head swiftly to look at wander as his heart skipped a beat from the compliment, the first he finally accepted from the latter and acknowledged as genuine. wander was beaming with euphoria as his eyes began to get watery, beginning to shakily speak to him.

"so, so proud of you..."

he began to shed tears of joy, putting his arms criss cross on top haters knees and laid on them, the side of wanders face smooshing.

"i-i... you... youve gotten so far from when i first met you a few years back..."

wander sniffled and wiped his tears on his arms, suddenly jumping onto hater and laid on his chest as he tightly hugged him.

"im genuinely very proud of you hater..."

he spat out shakily as his voice got higher while he cried on hater.

hater jumped and raised his arms. his eyes widened more at the sudden quick action from the nomad, his heart beating once again right after. he really didnt know how to feel about the current situation; he was utterly confused, lost. he never experienced these type of things before he met wander. though the only difference now is that he accepted wanders sincere affection, which he kinda didnt know how to react to still.

hater, with a befuddled expression; furrowing his eyebrows and his mouth almost agape, looked down at the nomad, who laid on haters chest with a small smile as there were still a bit of tears in his eyes, not running.

before he knew it, he found himself getting a bit teary from the compliment, it being a late reaction as he began smiling softly with wander. his face heat up as the warm fuzzy feeling spread across his body, his smile growing bigger by the second. he looked away and slowly let his arms down, letting them rest against wander as he leisurely pat wanders head, it being a non verbal thanks and a way to comfort him aswell.

wander tightened his hug as his smile got bigger, curling up and nuzzling against haters chest. he laid there, listening to his heart beat furiously beneath his red and black outfit as his head got pat.

the two laid there for a while, it seeming like it was forever, starting to cuddle as hater wrapped his arms around wander aswell and laid his head on top of him, them falling asleep on eachother with eachother.

---

ASGHH THATS ALL anyways if u made it this far, CONGRATS HERES UR PRIZE (silly thing made by me)

[thatshappinessforme]

When We Are Together - Pt. 1 (?)

omg...hi. i'm really here rn. posting this. at nearly 4 am on a monday morning. im nervous. i could vomit. so...this has been in my head for forever. literally. the idea is massive. it extends so far. it's seriously a whole universe in my little brain. it took so long to get the basis of this all out on paper, but, i'm hoping this is a series...a long one. the title isn't going to make much sense right now, but i pinky swear we'll get there eventually. so...without further ado...here she is...(EEK!) (also i have no idea how to set this post up so bear with me lol)

so i guess i just lost my fanfic writing vcard💌

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word count: 2.4k

cw: just a little swearing, maybe a bit of bad writing, also maybe typos?? might be a little boring because it’s mostly to just like set the scene idk? (eventually the plan is to have a lil smut or smth but this really is just an intro lol)

_____________________________________________

The day starts as usual. You wake up to the sound of your alarm and your roommate’s hair dryer blaring through the thin walls of your Brooklyn walk-up. With a groan, you peel yourself out of the warmth of your bed, go to your desk, and open your laptop, holding onto a shred of delusional hope that one of your classes might be canceled for today; they rarely are…but you can’t blame a girl for being an optimist. 

You scroll through your inbox, refreshing, and refreshing – you really don’t want to go to class today. Blame the essay you’d procrastinated that you’d spent all of last night speed-writing. Blame senioritis. Blame the unpaid music publicity internship that you’d been letting eat up your time in hopes of scoring a good job. Blame the frigid snow and ice that seem to be taunting you from outside your window. But, luckily it’s a Friday.

You refresh your inbox one last time, just for good measure. And, something actually comes in. But, it’s not from one of your professors. It’s from some company named “Dirty Hit.”

You raise an eyebrow and open the email, thinking it must be something related to one of the countless jobs you’ve applied for in the last few weeks, preparing for graduation at the end of the semester.

Y/N,

I’m a representative with one of our bands here at Dirty Hit. We’re really impressed with your work and have an opportunity we’d love to discuss with you, if you have a free moment this week at some point. Are you based out of New York? Get back to us when you can. We’re looking forward to hearing from you.

Best,

The Dirty Hit Team

“That’s weird,” you whisper to yourself, reading the short, ominous email over and over again. It’s not everyday that a label reaches out to a random college student to work with them. You’re not really sure what they could possibly be impressed with. You’ve just done minor PR internship work with underground bands from the east coast – that’s not exactly impressive. It sure as hell doesn’t warrant an email.

“Y/N?,” you hear one of your roommates and best friend, Vivian, call from outside your door before walking in, not bothering to knock. The two of you are close, almost like sisters at this point. In some ways, you’re exactly the same person, but in others your polar opposites. She’s a little bit more outgoing than you are, but she always helps to get you out of your shell. “Do you think I can get this guy I’m talking to into the venue tomorrow night? It’s just at The Soundwave, right?,” she asks, plopping down on the corner of your bed. 

Shit. You completely forgot you signed up for an open mic tonight. You’d been playing your songs at small bars in Brooklyn and Manhattan for the past year or so. Songwriting had always been a bit of a hobby for you. So when you’re a broke college student in one of the most expensive cities in the world, you just find tricks to get you and your friends to do fun things for free. You’d learned a while back that performing at open mics usually meant you and your friends could get into bars and clubs without having to pay a cover, so you’d been spending your weekends doing that for a while. It’s all for fun. Sure, you like performing and put a lot into your songwriting, but pursuing it isn’t even quite a dream for you. You have an impending college degree you’ve worked your ass off for. In every sense of the word, music was a hobby for you. 

“Yeah, it shouldn’t be a problem. He might have to pay the cover, but it’s not like it’s the sort of thing where people buy tickets. You know the drill. But, obviously you’re my plus one, so no cover for you,” you nod, still staring at your laptop screen.

“What are you staring at, over there? Everything okay?,” she asks, getting up and moving to stand over your shoulder at your desk. You move your head a little so she can get a good look at the words on your screen. You watch her face as she reads the email, her lips dancing on each of the syllables as you watch her process it. “Dirty Hit? What the hell is that? Sounds like a porn company. Impressed with your work? Do you have a booming, secret OnlyFans I’m unaware of?,” she jokes. 

I laugh and playfully nudge her arm. “No, no,” you giggle, “It’s a record label, I think. I’ve heard the name thrown around a few times at my internship. I think they’re kinda big.” You tab over and do a quick Google search. Immediately, a sea of popular artists and bands pop up under the label.

“Holy shit. Beabadoobee? Bleachers? The 19 fucking 75? I have their fuckin’ poster on my wall. They’re cool as shit,” she reads over your shoulder. “I mean, I have no idea what they could possibly want from me. My resumè isn’t all that impressive. Sure, I’m planning on going into music PR, but there’s no reason why I would stand out against someone who has like…an actual career under their belt,” you ramble, trying to make sense of the 67 words in haunting your inbox. 

There’s a long pause, both of you trying aimlessly to make sense of the email. “Well, you’re gonna email them back, right?,” she eventually asks. You take breath, starting a reply to the email, leaving your cell phone number.

You try to focus on anything other than waiting for a reply. You do your best not to let your mind wander into the what-ifs, but as soon as you get done with your lectures for the day, you check your phone for any response.

Y/N,

Thanks for getting back to us so quickly. The band and management is also in New York for the next few months for a project. We would give you more information over email, but much of the matter is highly confidential. We have a studio space at Electric Lady in Greenwich Village that we could meet at, if that works for you. I know it is rather short notice, but could you meet this evening at some point? Let us know.

Best,

The Dirty Hit Team

You quickly reply to the email on your walk back from campus, confirming the meeting for later this evening. You get back to your apartment and practically tear apart your closet trying to figure out what the hell to wear. You know it’s a business meeting, but it’s also for some mystery band. You don’t want to dress unprofessionally, but you also don’t want to seem uptight. You decide on a black mini skirt with tights and a chunky black turtleneck sweater. You finish primping and step into Vivian’s room, practically out of breath from all the outfits you’ve tried on and scrapped.

“Okay, if you were a band looking for…a PR representative…? Would you hire me?,” you ask her, standing in front of her bed as she looks up from her phone. She looks you up and down and grins, “Of course I would, Y/N. You look great,” she reassures you, sensing you’re anxious, “So, you really think this is just a PR gig?”

“I mean, yeah. What else could it possibly be? It couldn’t be my music. I’m not even on any streaming platforms; I don’t promote it at all,” you say with certainty. She shrugs and smiles, before wishing you the best of luck as you head out the door.

You get on the subway and head to Electric Lady. The train has always been one of your favorite parts about living in New York for college. Putting your pink headphones on, looking out the window into the catacombs that stretch throughout the city, people watching. It’s where you did your best thinking. 

You get off the train and walk through the streets, your headphones on and your music blasting, only interrupted occasionally by Google Maps telling you where to turn and such. Eventually the robotic voice in your ear says “Arrived” and you look over your right shoulder…here it is. You're right on time. You go to open the doors, pushing on them gently; must still be locked. You sigh, assuming that its to be expected. That this is simply upholding a prophecy of some sort that the band and music-industry-folk run behind…until you hear a laugh.

“It’s a pull,” you hear a man’s voice call out with a slight chuckle. From just those three words, you’ve determined that he has one of the thickest English accents you’d ever heard. You look over your left shoulder and see a man leaning up against the wall of the studio smoking a cigarette. “What?,” you ask, confused as you look over to him. He has a hood on and you can’t make out his face, or what he was trying to tell you. “The doors. It says right on them. ‘PULL,’” he chuckles, tossing his cigarette to the ground and putting it out with his Adidas sneaker, walking over to you. “Oh, um, thanks, I’m an idiot. I almost gave up,” you chuckle, pulling the door open this time. The man follows you into the studio, holding the door open once you tug on it. You look back over your shoulder to thank him for holding the door, the first time he’s been close enough for you to make out his face; Christ, it’s Matty Healy.

“I know who you are,” he says to you with a cheeky grin as he starts walking into the back of the studio. You just stand there near the doorway, the gust of cigarette-scented, cold January air lingering around you. You’re perplexed, to say the least. He keeps walking down the hall before finally turning over his shoulder, “You’re just gonna stand there? You have a meeting. Wouldn’t be very professional of you to stand us up,” he teases dryly. You blink a few times before nodding, following him, still in a bit of disbelief that this was the band that had some sort of ‘interest’ in you.

He shows you into a studio in the back. Once he opens the door, there are four other men sitting there, three that you also recognize from your roommate’s wall. The other, a bit older, more professional looking. 

“Y/N! I’m Jamie, I manage these blokes. Thank you so much for agreeing to come meet with us today. I know everything was rather vague on the emails, but…we had to keep it that way. But, now that you’re here, let's talk, yeah? Are you familiar with The 1975?,” the older man asks you, in a super friendly manner as you sit down on a plush chair in the corner of the room. Every eye in the room is glued to you. The air is almost sticky with anticipation. You take a deep breath and try to slap on the most composed, thoughtful, professional smile you can manage.

“Um, yes! Of course,” you nod, tucking a stray strand of your hair behind your ear, “I’m actually a fan of you all. Really, I listen to your stuff with my friends – you’re fantastic.”

“Good, good. We’re glad to hear it,” he grins, looking around at the boys who also all look to be pleased. Even though everyone’s eyes are on you, you feel Matty's specifically, practically burning a hole in the side of your head as he stands, still leaning in the doorway.

“We’re impressed with you, Y/N. So, I’m just going to get on with it. George went to a little bar in Bushwick last month and sent us a video he took of you singing one of your originals…you’re bloody fantastic. We’re going on tour this summer. We want to do something a little different this time with our opener. We want to build someone from the ground up. You’re it. We want you. What do you say? You interested?,” he explains with a wide grin, his tone casual like he didn’t just tell you the craziest shit you’ve ever heard. 

Jamie’s words hit you in slow motion. You look around the room, the air moving from feeling sticky to feeling ice cold, jolting you awake. “I’m sorry…what the actual fuck did you just say?,” you blurt out blankly, any ounce of composure you may have had completely gone. 

You immediately catch yourself, your language, your lack of professionalism, though, “Oh my god, I’m sorry. I…that just came out of my mouth…I-,” your face goes bright red as you desperately try to correct yourself.

The room erupts in laughter, the men you recognize from Viv’s poster nearly barreling over off the sofa. Jamie’s jaw on the floor as he howls, slapping the table in front of him. You look over your shoulder to see that Matty’s still in the doorway, and he’s just standing there with his arms crossed, shaking his head at you with a shit-eating grin.

“Oh, I think we’re gonna get along quite well with this one,” he remarks, licking his lips, weirdly impressed with your mispeakings.

You can’t help but sigh softly and shake your own head when he looks at you like that; something in you shifting as if he’s the only person in the room; as if he was the only person who'd ever laid eyes on you; as if he was the only person ever. As if, the offer you got just moments before wasn’t the most absurd thing that had ever happened to you. As if you didn’t need to thoroughly think this all over. As if you could make the decision right now.

You look back over to Jamie, who’s still chuckling. Before you can give yourself the time to overthink, you swing one of your legs over the other, lean back into the chair and smirk, “Jamie, where the hell do I sign?” 

…and this is how it starts.

[bulbabutt]

Thank you for being a bastion of sanity amidst the growing "but proshippers! But incest! But RPF!" purity culture's nonsense.

I'm so tired of being afraid to admit that I've even read a fanfic/fancomic because that same person might have a DIFFERENT ACCOUNT where they indulge in a problematic ship. And therefore they are "bad" and by association, I could be labeled "bad" for having looked at something completely unrelated and tossed on a block list.

It's asinine. Yet I'm too afraid to even get off anon because I know I don't have the mental fortitude to survive a potential online witch hunt.

So thank you, I wish you all the strength to keep screaming the words I cannot.

honestly youre not the first person to send me an anon about this, i just tend to feel just as afraid of responding to them as much as you are afraid of coming off anon. i think because while ill post things in vague context, it becomes another thing when someone says it out loud, yknow? but i appreciate it, knowing im not just screaming into a void where no one likes what i have to say.

i think what i will say is im not the only one who THINKS like i do, but i am just dumb enough to be loud and annoying about it. its kind of a thing where i'd never say anything specific because like... some people are so vicious and will demand blood if they get a whiff if i mention anything vaguely. the fact i have to be afraid to say 'people dont mind' for their own safety is crazy, huh?

i think that thing youre saying about being worried by association from association was the same first time i had this thought. i was reading something so good so deep something that effected me so deeply from how well it was talking about the realistic effects of incestuous abuse, and then i went to see what else the author had written and i was like. oh. theres just regular incest in here too. and that was kind of a moment of hm.. perhaps i need to think more about what really matters here. the fact i can engage with what i want and just say 'oh i see what else you do, thats not for me so i will just not engage with that'

so it hurts worse when theres the idea of someone engaging with art they like that has nothing 'weird' going on, then suddenly getting hit with screaming that that artist has a side account theyre not advertising where they make weird art that they are keeping FULLY separate from the account in question. like i do not see how that helps anybody in that situation.

then theres the generalization of it. the idea that maybe all you did was draw like. 19 yr old versions of two 15 yr olds kissing, and suddenly that gets you put on a list of people who will draw literal children in sexual situations, gets you put in that same boat without question. that shit is so cruel to me, that these things all get painted with the same brush. equally as bad, equally as deserving of being ostracized. or the idea that you get put on that list for not caring about if strangers ship things on the internet, makes you just as bad as someone who makes it. i really just hate this entire culture.

idk im... old school i guess? back in my day youd watch a shitty cartoon that had over 20 characters in it so you could smash them together in whatever ship suited you. crack ships were the bread and butter of me and my friends, shit that made no sense but in your own head. the idea of being anti... shipping at all is so... thats very weird. shipping as a thing is very much what fandom was ever made for in the first place? like. im not kidding, learn your history if you dont know that (middle age women shipping kirk and spock)

back when i was a kid i watched this tv show called kim possible, and i was a kid who didnt know shit about themselves seeing a pretty villain lady for the first time who called the main character who was a girl princess. i didnt know what to make of that, i didnt know the age difference between them i was a dumbass child, they were both drawn the same way! then im like 12 years old on the internet, i see theres a ship of the teenage girl and this like 30 yr old villain woman. do you think my 12 year old self saw the problematic nature and thought deeply about the morals of said ship? no. i was like 'holy shit i wish i was the teenage girl dating shego. why do i like this? oh god im a lesbian'

again. i was a child. what are you gonna do, go back in time and arrest my 12 year old ass for looking at pg rated fanart of women kissing on the internet? we didnt HAVE real representation yet! there was no korrasami, no rupphire, no bubbline, no lumity! shipping was the only place you could see stuff that was gay! and it being GAY would get you in more trouble than it having an age gap!

the fact is people WOULD cancel me now for that, wouldnt you?! thats where we're at. that IS a problematic ship, id be put on a blocklist in todays internet for being a child who crushed on villains. i didnt make it, i didnt create for it, i just looked at it and that would get you in trouble now!!! thats crazy.

i know thats a random tangent to go off on, but like..... hhhhh i dont know man. sometimes it seems like people want the internet to pass by broadcasting standards and practices and thats!!! bad!!! let people experiment with their weird shit as they figure themselves out, its so fucking normal. youre not a bad person for looking at things on the internet, youre not a bad person for engaging with things, youre not a bad person for being horny online! especially if you make your own fucking space for it?? a space easily blacklistable, with trigger warnings and EVERYTHING... we didnt have those when i was a kid, so some things are better, but culture is just worse.

i dunno. i just think i would not have thrived in this environment as a teenager. im glad im old and know better, but i worry about the lessons kids are learning from this. to feel ashamed, to bottle shit up, its not good for you. be kind to yourself, be kind to others. we're all working through shit in our own ways.

sorry for another long annoying post

[yumisitaa]

H-h-h-h-hiii 🥺.

I just want to request a draken x fem!yn (takemichi's younger sis by one year and is VERY similar to Takemichi, just more feminine and more emotional ig).

So like after meeting takemichi's friends, yn develops a crush on draken after talking to him for a while and she tries to ask him out but discovers that draken MIGHT like Emma and that Emma actually LOVES draken. Yn gets a bit sad and asks her brother if it's true and he tells her that it is true and even heavily ships them together, not knowing his own sisters crush on draken. Yn is left heartbroken but also mad at herself for not knowing Emma's crush on draken after everyone says that her feelings were quite obvious. she soon tries to distant herself from draken so she doesn't feel anymore bad but he keeps popping up out of nowhere and he gets a bit sad abt yn distancing herself from him and pops up at her house in the middle of the night to know why and he might confess his feelings? (idk I wasn't thinking straight, also I APOLOGIZE FOR THIS BEING SO LONG)

my first ahh fanfic!! (i don’t even know how to make this look pretty bye)

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“fuck how can he be so damn perfect…” — that was all y/n could think when her big brother, takemichi, introduced her to his new friends and saw that one boy, ken ryuguji.

Anyway after that day were they had a little interaction ken started to appear everywhere even in her house..! so yeah they started to become friends too and well y/n noticed she really was falling in love and she started learning all about his life and in middle of her stalking her grin faded away “what the fuck you mean him and mikey sister..!” — she thought to herself feeling a little bad since she was super sensible but kept hearing the conversation… Anyway in home she was eating dinner with her big brother and she wasn’t going to shut up…

“Take, is it true your friend Draken is in something with Emma..? — y/n asked alredy having a bad feeling.

“i think they are since Emma loves him so bad and draken might actually like her. I’m a heavy shipper of them hehe… he really should propose right..?” — Takemichi said with a little smile, completely oblivious to y/n feelings.

So she tried to push him away, but he was everywhere! and yeah Draken was really sad because she didn’t understand why y/n was doing that so one day after thinking it a lot he decided to show at her house in the middle of the night, y/n was quietly preparing something on the kitchen because she couldn’t sleep when her phone sounded, it was draken “im outside open rn” — and when she read it she ran to the door not before fixing her appearance a little in the hallway mirror then she sighed to prepare herself and opened — “h-hey…” she said a bit nervous by his odd appearance here, draken there all serious like always but there was a little hint of nervousness in his gaze answered with a simple “hi” — they both stood just looking at eachother for a while when ken started talking “yeah uh i- i gotta tell… damn i need to talk to you about something okay..? just don’t freak out alright…” — Draken said exhaling sum air he didn’t knew he was holding in. It was something really weird seeing him nervous like that.

“sure of course you can talk it with me” — y/n said with a little smile and a nod of her head, trying to encourage him to say whatever he was gonna say… alredy hoping the worst.

Draken passed a hand through his braid like trying to encourage himself, he just wasn’t used to this, he didn’t knew how to find the words.

“i… i don’t know how to say this but…” — he said and looked directly into y/n eyes when he suddenly sighed and before y/n could say something he finished — “fuck it y/n i like you… i… i really do.”

y/n mouth just stood there opened and her eyes wide, when she tried to talk she noticed she was starting to cry, she just stood without words.

“wh-what do you mean you like… me..!? really me..?” — was all she managed to say while trying to push her damn tears again.

Since he never used to manage others emotion he just stood there looking at her with a hint of confusion his eyes. “eh… why you crying?” — He just asked while taking a step closer to her.

In that she just was stuttering like an idiot when he just closed the gap starting to kiss her…

Then she just pulled away without reciprocating since she didn’t knew what to do… “Ken..?” — y/n said being cut by another kiss so she just shrugged it off and kissed him back.

“i said i like you okay..? i do like you a lot y/n…” — Ken added after that good kiss

“I- uh… Absolutely yes!!!” — y/n said with a silly grin without thinking much when she started to cry and hug him actually hard.

im so sorry by the way for all the waiting for this uh… thing… I just had a lot of exams and wrote like a little everyday so i’m sorry if it’s so weird…

Thanks for the request by the way 🫶🏻🫶🏻