#idk ill pick one eventually but for now these work ig

[grimalkinmessor]

In light of both LoveBot ending and twitter becoming literally inhabitable I will now be yelling about Charles/Xada on here as well! Prepare yourselves (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

[relaxxattack]

wait omg what are the canon endgame wof pairings you DON'T like? 👀 no pressure of course, im just not a fan of several of them either and im interested to hear what you think :]

honestly most of them?? like idk 😭

ripnami for one is just odd to me. like i don’t dislike riptide but there’s an age difference and a like, immediate love type thing, and the romance is just sorta Boring and Annoying imo?? maybe that’s just cuz im gay though

starflights whole debacle was ATROCIOUS. like i understand why he mightve had a crush on sunny— she was like one of the only other people he knew growing up— but they were all essentially adopted siblings and she obviously felt platonically towards him? and then fatespeaker was brought in, and one part of fans hated her for replacing sunny cuz they shipped sunnyflight, another group of fans hated her for obviously being practically written AS a sunny replacement, and then the last third just fiercely loved her out of spite. so like. starspeaker is Cute, sure, but it just feels like a weird work around to the supreme awkwardness of sunnyflight.

clay and peril? ehhh. clay seems like, SO aromantic to me, so that’s one reason i dont like it, and the other is just. peril as a character always felt like she was handled weirdly. like im not sure if she was a good concept poorly executed, or a bad concept that sort of followed itself through well, but either way my feelings on her constantly go back and forth. i get that she’s probably just like, genuinely mentally ill, but i don’t think the author really represented it too well? but at the same time, i don’t think i’m one to talk on the rep of people like that. (is sociopath the right word??? i literally don’t even know). basically it bothers me how she swings from like. yandere to hilarious older sister character. i love her, but i also feel weird about her. she’s like a girboss in a bad way.

glorybringer… okay theyre really cute, it’s just their development feels a little silly to me. then again, it’s a children’s book. also there’s an age difference, although idk how much that counts for dragons??

moonbli: i hate moonbli okay. they dumped qinter— one of the Only Well Developed Ships— for moonbli. ive ranted before about how much i hate the winter-qibli-moon love triangle, but GOD it’s so bad. like— in book six, moon is fascinated by both the boys. winter treats her like shit, but she can hear that in his thoughts he actually thinks she’s incredible. qibli is nice to her, but he’s like, super sus for some reason. moon actually TELLS DS that she doesn’t like either of them, but she Must pick one because her futures say so? like UM??? (she’s aromantic but denying herself or something) meanwhile in the winter pov book he’s absolutely tortured by guilt and his abusive family, so eventually he breaks off to find moon because he feels bad for treating her bad cuz he’s in love with her. also they have some Moments together. then in qiblis book, he’s also in love with moon, but spends the entire book bonding and flirting with his roommate winter! who is no longer an asshole now that he’s broken off from his family. moon is busy hanging out with some 2000 year old guy who attempted literal genocide, but it’s okay because he’s sad. anyway after like 200 pages of flirting, winter and qibli meet up with moon again and they’re happy because they’re both in love with her or something. except winter is upset because moon is defending the guy who tried to genocide his race and is going to do it again. moon and qibli decide this makes winter the biggest asshole in the entire world, abandon him, and then defeat DS together without him. then moon decides she “chooses” qibli and moonbli becomes canon and they leave winter in some random ass town. like? WHAT THE FUCK??? and we’re supposed to enjoy the moonbli ship :|

like no fuck off and PLEASE give us aromantic moon and mlm qinter please. THERE ARE NO CANON MLM RELATIONSHIPS. and im not just saying this cuz im a gay guy, like qinter legitimately had so much good development throughout arc two and then they get dropped like a hot potato

and then finally we have… whats left, turtlejou? i could take it or leave it ig. too much weird magic stuff there. i would actually maybe prefer turtle and peril just because they’re Actually Friends and their dynamic in book 8 was cool and way less creepy then cleril.

sundew and willow? they're cute but ive seen the mean lesbian and nice lesbian trope many times and they just didn’t pull it off too well. still better then 90% of the ships here though.

SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG I HAD A LOT MORE TO SAY THEN I REALIZED…. IF THIS SOUNDS AGGRESSIVE ITS AIMED AT THE AUTHOR NOT AT YOU ANON

[dazaily]

todoroki bringing his s/o to an amusement part

my first bnha work... kinda nervous posting this cuz like bnha(?) idk,, but for my manz, i will pull through!! hope u enjoy ^^

description: you and todoroki have been dating for awhile now, but recently he realised he never initiates dates, and so he planned and invited u to an amusement park for a date. 

warnings: gender neutral! reader. fluff. clichéd. i wrote this at 4-5am.

* ·    　 ˚  + 　　　 ·    *  ˚ 

my manz is innocent, like lbr, he aint gonna know shiz abt dating..

sooo, the first few weeks into ur relationship(?) he was alr facing his first crisis.

he felt like nothing changed, despite having transitioned from a platonic to romantic relationship.

and so, being the sweet and clueless lil bean he is, he went to seek for advice from his one and only bestie bakugou, midoriya.

“hey, midoriya, what does one do in a relationship” why am i making him talk like someone from the shakespearean era tf

“oh, um todoroki?? are u asking for y/n? if so, i don't think im not the right person u should be asking,, i mean ive never even been in a rela--”

“well, u were my best choice” 

midoriya notices the absolute chaos they are surrounded by in the 1A dorm 

“ok i may be the best choice.” said in tiny.

so after a discussion that dragged for way longer than it had to be 2 days, todoroki settled on the idea of bringing u on a date to the amusement park.

cute idea right? yes. there's no twist, like i said this is a fluff. 

n e ways, he was an awkward lil bby asking u out, cuz he's not used to receiving or giving affection,,,, he's trying his best.

“um, y/n, are u free this sunday..?”

“sunday, hmm i think i alr have smtg planned..”

“oh, um, well then, its fine, its nothing important..”

if u weren't hit by a pang of guilt, idk what type of monster u are.

“nah, that was just jokes, so whats up?”

and that was how y'all ended up in universal studios japan. usj

endeavour’s bout to be big mad when he realises the missing money from his wallet.

“sHOUTOOOOO!!” >:[

n e ways..

so ur date started with u dragging shouto around the entire park, with the goal of riding every single ride 

ofc he was fine with it, he was happy as long as he got to spend time with u. a simp.

but since u guys went on a weekend, there were way more people than u guys originally expected, like wHOA,,, 

the park was basically filled with people from all over the world, even though it wasn't holiday season..

so ur dreams and hopes of riding eery single ride, may be impossible..

hAH, YOU THOUGHT, YOUR MANZ FATHER MAY BE THE WORST PERSON ON EARTH, BUT HES STILL TOP 2 HERO. 

ur manz got u the express pass.

the one time ur grateful for the existence of his father.

so yall spent the first 2-4 hours just riding every single ride u could possibly find. 

shouto’s probably the type that is willing to try anything, i don't think he’ll be scared of any rides in particular. 

in the contrary, i feel like there'll be rides that he's lowkey excited to ride on, since he never had the chance to enjoy these events and places as a child. cuz of his sh*tty father.

he would ofc try to hide his excitement, but after being by his side for awhile, uve learnt how to differentiate his different emotions, despite his general nonchalant self. 

him being excited, makes u happy, cuz its rare that u get to see these sides of him.

omg pls protect him at all costs,, he needs it,,, he's so precious,, shower him with all the love in the world.

so y'all be running all over the place, until hunger slaps u in the face like that isekai truck that ive been waiting for. 

and so its food time!

“hmm, since were in an amusement park, we should get some hot dogs, churros, oMG and cotton candy!!”

“..what? c-ch-churros?? what are those?”

“holy sh-- u don't kNOW WHAT CHURROS ARE!? we’re getting churros right now.”

“but, i want soba... the cold one”

u ended up getting both. cuz it isn't todoroki without cold soba.

and it was back to running around the entire park riding everything.

but instead of running yallz were walking hand in hand, as if u guys were an old couple taking a stroll in the local park

and instead of the entire park, y'all were just in the harry potter section..

don't judge, its cute. and the food did some numbers to ur stomachs, so u were avoiding some rides till u digest ur food. 

while walking around, the sun was setting creating a beautiful scenery. 

wanting this to be a lasting memory, u convinced todoroki to take a photo together. 

u wanted to take an aesthetic couple photo to show off to other people who were trying to steal ur hunk of a man. 

at first u had asked random passerby to help yalls take a photo,, but being the attention-starved lil bby he is, he felt awkward posing in front of random people. 

which led u guys to just set up the camera on a small ledge with a castle in the bg. 

it was then, todoroki had experience a flashback to the conversation that him and midoriya had. 

“hmm, wikihow says that every date has to end in a kiss, for it to be called successful..”

“is this website trustable??”

“it should be.. anyways just do it.”

coming back to reality, todoroki suddenly felt a sense of urgency, the date was coming to an end, and he hasn't kissed u yet,,,,

at that moment, as the timer of the phone camera was reaching 0, with u and ur wide smile posing for the camera

todoroki gently turned ur head to face his, and he had kissed u, for public display.

ur face immediately turned red, but u eventually returned the kiss, after getting over the shock. 

after separating, todoroki was silent, slightly scared and worried of ur reaction(?)

“why didn't u tell me u were going to kiss me~~ u should've told me so i can at least look good in the photo~~”

“..huh? well, um, i just had he sudden urge to do it?” kinda ooc

he was flustered, confused, embarrassed and giddy all at the same time

but the hugest wave of relief came over him, as he began to relax. 

“well we can just take another photo if u don't like it--”

“nO, i like this photo. but im always open for another kiss.” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

getting over ur prior embarrassment, u tried flirting with him, returning the bold action he had pulled off earlier. 

“well, i wouldn't reject an offer like that would i..”

surprising u by picking up on the offer u suggested, todoroki gave u another kiss, easily taking ur breathe away.

well, ig this just confirms that wikihow is reliable. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i can't believe i ended a fic with a kiss,, this is the most cop out ending ive written but im way too tired to write properly rn,, 

˚  ˚ . ·   　 * 　 ⋆  * 　

a/n: hihi, so im kinda nervous posting this, cuz thus far i have only done haikyuu works so like??? i feel like i have an overall better understanding of haikyuu characters and their dynamics, but i wanted to write something for my precious icyhot <3 if this piece does well, ill try and write more about bnha characters. hope it was good!!

[cloneslugs]

Wolf + Yayoi + Akiyama :)

this is seriously ill im sorry

Wolf

First Impression: well he seems neat <3

Impression Now: he's very soft and kind.. <3 and very cool very nice man i love you wolf

Favorite Moment: the whole rice thing b/t the divine child and him and kuro, this isnt a moment but i enjoy how he speaks to people he makes me (: 

Idea for a Story: I'd like to see him first meeting Kuro ^__^ that would be cute.. or how he grew up w Owl bc it seems so … … … well anyway he has a lot of cool background that would be fun to explore 

Unpopular Opinion: i think people draw him smiling too much in some interactions i dont want him to even remotely have a sense of humor or even emote well tbqh, not that i think hes unhappy or anything but like well … + also people are freaks w him but that's another story.. i dont think he would date grandpas

Favorite Relationship: kuro <3 it's cute how he actually engages in conversation w Kuro i like how he talks w him and how Kuro talks w him it's nice.. i think his relationship w Owl is interesting but not . good. Emma + Isshin + Sculptor & every other friend he meets i enjoy esp Kotaro ^^

Headcanon: *gives him transgenderism + autism + homosexuality*, selectively mute (:, he also just has a general issue w socializing & when he doesnt know what to say he defaults to repeating people or just ignoring people, he likes being called Wolf by like Kuro and whoever but Isshin deciding to call him Sekiro makes him feel a little something (:, he can "cook" + knows lots of misc skills like sewing and stuff, doesnt like loud noises, doesn't like being in water -_-, i think he has trouble differentiating b/t what he likes v what he dislikes bc hes used to just putting up w things and never really got to acquire preferences ever hes accustomed solely to survival, he's done kuro's hair for him before <3 but he does it very quick and messy but he tries 

Yayoi

First Impression: ig this is her k1 substory idk i just kind of like . wow this lady seems cool ig goodbye 

Impression Now: … hi <3 she holds a very very special place in my heart now i miss her everyday please babygirl come back to me i need you back ive written out how you can come back please 

Favorite Moment: her k1 substory always makes me sad um.. everything in k2 when shes taking charge.. i love watching her interact w kiryu they have a really interesting relationship.. i like when she got on ryuji for his bullshit and i really really like her introduction in k2 i love watching her handle shitty lieutenants <3 i love you.. oh also whenever she looks sad + worries over daigo thank you for being a mom ma'am <3

Idea for a Story: um i have a lot of stuff already written for her bc im a sicko .. um ig most interesting to me is how her relationship w dojima developed & also what she was up to when dojima died and daigo went to prison right after bc i think about that period (+k1 substory) a lot.. </3 seeing what she was doing in 3 when daigo was shot would be nice iwant her to be homophobic to mine i think <3 ik a rggo event covered it but id like to see more of her when she stepped up to he acting chairman & how that went ig more in depth.. or just her general role w the dojima family back when it was relevant and uh yeah <3 

Unpopular Opinion: um i personally would never call her a milf that feels so :x idek to me gross almost not even bc im a homo or anything i just never would it feels too disrespectful aieeeeeee 🙈 also i wish people didn't care for her just as daigos mom or her being more compotent than daigo or whatever idk people are weird about them in a stupid way and i </3 ik shes just a side character but whatever.. also i hate everyone who writes her like "yes i married dojima for power and i crave violence" fuck you im the only right person ever 

Favorite Relationship: um daigo.. i have lots of thoughts they are so nice together ilove them very much <3 kiryu and kashiwagi are very cute w her too they respect her very much its sweet <3 i think nishiki and kiryu helping out w daigo as dojima members when daigo is little has very sweet potential b/t lady dojima and them not saying they outright would be seeking for a maternal figure but um.. also well kashiwagi uhh well i want her to move past her [k2] baggage and um.. um.. 🙈 boyfriend 

Headcanon: she's so bisexual shes very very bisexual and she knows it and no part of it even concerns her shes just bi + also her first major crush was on a girl that went nowhere and it embarrasses her to death <3, her dad is who introduced her to wielding a sword it was a very unorthodox introduction and came about by kind of bittersweet means but she very much enjoys it (he didnt teach her anything more than the very very shoddy basics he really just helped introduce), she comes from a very non-traditional [japanese] family, really bad vanity issues i wont publicly elaborate on, um something about dealing w loneliness, she was like daigo and was top of her class in school, she comes off as prett7 different outside of professional settings + acts a lot colder and meaner than she actually is around work people bc that's the only way she thinks she'll be taken seriously, she was a very excited first time mommy <3 she still loves daigo more than anything, she used to sporadically grow her hair out and chop it all off and grow her hair out and chop it all off growing up mostly as a teen -_-, she doesnt socialize well but shes good at parroting and imitating proper social etiquette,  she has an "older sister", she loved kiryu and then she hated him more than anything and now she likes him again, perfectionist but a lot of things come naturally to her, not very expressive but her eyes give away a lot, she used to really like kazama very fondly until she didnt, shes not much of a hand-to-hand combat fighter but she can handle self defense, cooking does not come naturally to her ):, shes kept every gift + prize daigo has gotten for her, shes not much for gifts (from people not daigo) but she likes flowers 

Akiyama

First Impression: he's funny (: 

Impression Now: he's still just funny <3 but also bisexual i love him he's very endearing and easy to like 

Favorite Moment: hanging out w haruka in rgg5 or any time he is having fun w hana <3 his one substory in rgg5 where you get more of his background is nice or when he first gets together with shinada + tanimura is funny.. anything that's not rgg6 um

Idea for a Story: i want him to hang out w haruka more <3 or just some of his day to day life.. what he splurges on when he does ummm.. background on when he and hana first met + his ex fiance, hin hanging out w the rest of the group .. anything fun i think ^_^

Unpopular Opinion: he has annoying/questionable moments but so does everyone in the series um.. akiyama/hana is superior when he crushes on her hard vs her to him idk if that's even unpopular ummm idk idek any freak stuff w him nobody talks about akiyama much 

Favorite Relationship: hana (: trans bisexuality <3 him + kiryu & haruka are sweet together, him and tanimura are fun.. i think hes a nice central point for both 4+5 protags i just enjoy him <3 hes good w people 

Headcanon: hes the least athletic i think that's canon though, tried to keep a fish tank in the office but hana ended up taking over + then getting rid of it but by then he wanted an office cat or bird or something "more interesting" so that hed feel like taking care if it but by that point she put her foot down on animals, tries out lots of misc hobbies that he eventually drops (golf, tennis(very embarrassing), gardening, etc (mostly sports bc he feels like a lazy piece of shit sometimes + gets splurges of Yeah Fitness!!!)), all kinds of math teams and etc growing up he actually really likes math, has a lot of gifts he chickened out on giving hana just kind of buried in the office, bad at video games, can't cook, he buys lots of cheap things bc he doesnt really see the point of splurging on fancy unnecessary stuff, magazine hoarder bc he just picks up whatever for a mindless read when at the store and forgets if he's gotten it before 

[willykappymarnsmatts]

Wrong Direction: Chapter 2 (K. Kapanen)

@moriellymakesmesoft

“I just got off the phone with Max,” it's been two weeks since I've moved into Will’s place, my stuff still in boxes all over the apartment.

“Oh?’ William responds, tossing me a smoothie from the fridge as we get ready to go to practice. I still go to sleep in tears and wake up with puffy eyes, but Willy makes me feel like everythings going to be okay, if not today then someday soon. “How is he?”

“Good,” I tell him, scratching at the back of my neck, refusing to look up at him knowing what comes next. “He asked me to come stay with him. Well, he didn't ask. He's kinda forcing me.”

“Oh,” Will says. He turns around and faces me with a look on his face of a mix of betrayal and hurt, and it makes me want to burst into tears. “Um, well, are you gonna go?”

“I have to, babe. He's my brother, and he said that if I don't come by myself he'll pack my things for me the next time he comes to Toronto.” I feel bad, but I do miss Max.

Willy just frowns at me. “When are you leaving?”

“Uh, tomorrow. He said he'd buy me a plane ticket.”

“To Montreal?! I could drive you!”

“I know, its okay. He’s the one paying so I don't really care honestly. Don't we have to get going?’

“Yeah,” he giggles, glancing at the watch on his wrist.

On our way to the arena, I take deep breaths to try to calm my racing heart and shaking hands. Seeing Kasperi this often still hurts just as bad as seeing him in bed with that girl. But the whole situation has given me a lot of inspiration for a new song that i've been working on, bouncing ideas off of Will day and night.

He notices my agitation and reaches over to grab my hand. “After this, you won't ever have to see him or me ever again.”

“Hey, don't say that,” I pout. “I'll be back and i'll move back in with you, if you let me, in a couple months. I just need a break from Toronto. Everything I know is laced with memories of him. I can't even enjoy your games because he's there.”

Will nods without looking away from the road. “You're always welcome at my place. We’re all still really pissed at him, you know. Mitch hasn't spoken to him since that night, and you know how Mitch is. Auston doesn't even look at him, and Zach’s only talking to him because he feels bad that everyone is making every effort to ignore him but me. The whole fucking team loves you, Y/N. Oh, and Derms took a slapshot at his ankle the other night and he had to sit out for an entire period.”

My eyes are brimmed with tears and I have to look up at the ceiling of the car to keep them from spilling over. “Can you let the guys know i'm leaving? I'll obviously talk to them, but I don't want to be the one to break the news to them.”

Will nods. “Of course.” he smiles at me then and looks away from the road for a split second to wipe away a tear.

•••

I sit in the third row to watch the boys’ practice and try to continue writing, but the yelling and pucks hitting the boards constantly is distracting, so eventually I give up and watch them skate. During a water break, I catch myself watching Kasperi. All he does is take a few deep breaths, but watching him like this, as if nothing ever happened, makes my heart shatter. Before I can look away, he looks up at me and I watch his entire face fall. He stares at me and I stare back. He studies me, as if to memorize me. I can't look away, and he refuses to skate away. He continues forward, until he's at the boards and we’re a few feet away from each other. Neither of us can pretend we weren't looking at each other. He stops, and so does my heart. And we just watch each other. Just stare. My heart is breaking with every moment that passes, and my stomach hurts, because he was my everything.

A whistle blows. Kasperi whips his head around. The sounds of the rink come back into my ears, and we’re both taken out of the world where we were the only two people who existed. He skates away, glancing back at me once before never looking back at me again.

•••

“Y/N,” Willy says as soon as I answer his facetime call. I've been in Montreal with Max for about two months and I released my song about a week ago. Wills is driving back from practice, which is when he gives me a rundown on how “incredible” he was and how he's gonna kick ass at the next game. But today he looks anything but confident, his forehead a mass of worry lines and his mouth turned down into a frown.

“Y/N, your song is saved on my playlist, and I got the aux this morning. After practice, it came on. Most of us were singing, and I glanced at Kap, and he was just sitting there in his stall. He wasn't moving. Just staring straight ahead.”

I sit up. “Woah, slow down. I thought Kasperi and I were finished.” When I moved away, after the day at the rink, Will told me that Kasperi stopped seeming to care. He was out with a different girl every two days, bringing random girls home every day of the weekend. It still hurts, but it hurt more to realize that our entire relationship meant nothing to him. But if Will is telling the truth, which I don't doubt he is, it makes everything a whole lot more confusing.

“I thought so too, but listen. I think that it was your voice at first, Y/N. He hasn't heard your voice in months. And then he heard the rest of the song, he listened without moving, and as soon as it ended he got up, in just his slides and shorts, and fucking left the room.”

I'm silent, letting Will talk. “The rest of us didn't know what to do, so I tried to follow him. I found him in the weights room, and he was in tears.” Will flicks on the turn signal and turns onto his street, then glances at his phone to see if he should continue the story. I nod at him, holding my breath to keep from breaking down at the thought of Kasperi.

“I went to him and sat with him, and he just cried. I haven't seen him cry since he thought I was getting promoted to the bigs and he wasn't. But he was sobbing. So I sat with him, and eventually he calmed down enough to choke out that he misses you. He told me the girls were a front, and that he hasn't been able to sleep ever since that night. And, Y/N, I dont think he's lying. His eyes always have huge bags under them and he's so shaky. So I asked him why he did it, but he didn't have an answer. He said he missed you and he felt like you didn't love him anymore because you were always out doing stuff for your album, but I told him that was bullshit and he said he knew it. He told me he can't breathe without, and that he hates that he hurt you. So I told him to talk to you, and he said he'd try to text you later today.”

“Damn,” I respond, not sure how to feel. “I want to love him again, but I don't know if I can trust him.”

“You don't have to. He knows he hurt you, and that he has to work to get you back, but I am asking you to please just try to talk to him, because fuck, Y/N, if there’s a such thing as soulmates, it’s you guys. You're both in so much pain. Take your time, keep your walls up, but just talk to him.”

“Okay. Okay, fine.”

“Thank you, beautiful best friend. I'm home now, so I'll call you back in a couple hours?”

“Yeah, that’s cool. See ya.”

He ends the call and I'm left in silence. Then my phone dings with a text notification in my hand, and my heart picks up speed. I know exactly who it is, and I don't want to look at it, not right away, so I throw it across the couch with a pillow on top of it.

I put my head in my hands and try to slow my speeding heart by taking a few deep breaths. “Fuck!” I yell, then silently thank Max for going out a few hours ago. I wipe my face with my hands and sit straight up.

I stare at the pillow my phone is sitting under, knowing without ever checking that there is a text from Kasperi Kapanen waiting for me. My phone dings again and my heart jumps. I stand up and rip my phone from under the pillow.

‘wrong direction huh’

‘i miss u’

I cover my mouth with my hand and my eyes brim with tears. I sit back slowly onto the couch and read over the messages two, three, four more times before unlocking my phone and tapping on the text bar.

‘Dang, how'd u know it was abt u?’

I smile slightly as I type out the message and hold my breath when I hit send. I don't have to wait even a second before the three bubbles come up on the screen.

‘no idea’

‘ig im just tht good’

I laugh and type out another response.

‘Imyt. How r u?’

I bite my lip when the text bubbles come up, and a few seconds later his response comes.

‘could be better tbh. can’t sleep @ the apt nymore so i spend the nites b4 games @ 1 of the guys places’

My breath catches at the words. Then another message pops up.

‘im so sry 4 everything’

I bite my lip and close my eyes, taking a breath.

‘Thx. I havent stopped thinking abt u’

‘me neither’

I take another deep breath. Kasperi was my favourite person, my person, for so long. It's scary how easily we can fall back into simple, comfortable conversation, as if nothing ever happened. So I decide to be straight up and honest with him, and if he really does still care about me, he’ll understand.

‘U broke me, Kasperi. I never thought tht u would hurt me, and u literally broke me. I miss u more than nything and it hurts so bad to b without u, but seeing u in bed with another girl, tht broke me. It felt like our whole relationship was built on lies, and tht u never actually cared abt me. So yeah, i cant stop thinking abt u, and i want to b able to love you again, but u broke my trust and idk if ill ever trust u like i did before.’

I hit send and feel like I'm going to be sick. Everything I type I’ve told Will and all the other guys, but after the day I left the apartment, I never spoke to Kasperi about anything. The three bubbles come up on the screen and I hold my breath, then they disappear. They come up and disappear a couple more times, until a message finally pops up on the screen.

‘i wish i could take back everything i ever did 2 hurt u, but ik its not tht ez. i rly do want 2 fix this, tho. would u b down to ft l8r?’

I can't breathe, but I manage to type out a response without screaming.

‘Sure. Just text me when ur ready’

I take a deep breath and click my phone off. I'm about to get up when my phone dings again. I glance at the message and it makes my chest feel like it's going to explode.

‘ok i will <3’

I smile down at the screen and go to plug in my phone so it's charged when Kasperi wants to call. I really don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again, but the least I can do is give him a chance to apologize. He's already broken me so badly, even if he lets me down again nothing will compare to the amount of hurt I’ve already felt.

[excvlsior]

about: *leo fowler.

basics.

full name: leopold kristoff fowler meaning of name: leopold = ‘people’ & ‘bold’, kristoff = ‘bearing christ’ nickname: leo, tadpole by some family members age: 23 date of birth: november 12, 1996 hometown: tallahassee, florida nationality: american ethnicity: dutch gender: demiboy sexuality: pansexual spoken languages: dutch, english profession: in lovell he’s a part time student and works at fowler’s flowers, but just the latter in st. louis

appearance.

height: 6′2″ eye colour: blue hair colour: auburn??? i feel like that’s the version of if someone had strawberry blond hair bt . strawberry brown instead??? idk it’s reddy-brown voice: pretty deep, surprisingly smooth jst feel like he has the personality of someone with a rougher voice bt . alas...... obnoxiously thick southern accent tattoos: c’est la vie on his ribcage, kristoff on his hip, ‘x’ on the inside of his middle finger done in shitty stick and poke, ‘L’ done in stick and poke on the side of his wrist, heart with a knife through it on his chest, tattoo inside his lip that says ‘pussy master’* :pensive:, ‘ouch’ on the bottom of both soles of his feet*, a hand giving the middle finger on the back of his left calf, dolly parton’s signature on the top of his thigh from when he got it at one of her concerts, a smiley face on his ass* >_>, a melting popsicle on the back of his right bicep*, ghost face mask on his right shin; * = he did them on a dare LKHSDGKLHLSDG piercings: lobes, right cartilage, industrial bar in his left ear, nostril, had an eyebrow and lip piercing when he was younger clothing style: pretty dishevelled and purposely ill prepared outfits, sometimes u can catch him in just plaid and khakis but more often than not he’s in something weird, his prized possession is a leopard print shirt that has a heart in the center, steals clothes from his aunt and uncle when he has nothing clean/can’t bother finding anything, been seen in marj’s skirts and leggings bc of this, and then on the other hand he’ll wear like a lime green tank top with a monster baseball cap worn sideways his style is just carefree and eclectic

health.

physical ailments: n/a neurological conditions: bipolar i disorder allergies: n/a sleeping habits: pretty much only falls asleep between the hours of 3-5 am, doesn’t matter if he works the morning or afternoon shift....... if he doesn’t work at all he’ll just sleep until his body naturally wakes up which is also usually around 3-5 pm KLSDGLKHSDGLKHDG exercise habits: doesn’t exactly have one..... he’s a pretty active and energetic guy so he’s usually up and about doing whatever anyway, also rides his bike everywhere since marj and steve r usually out with the only car they have sociability: loves being around people but he’ll eventually grow cranky, doesn’t necessarily need to be alone but at least with a different group of people if he gets to this point, the only time he actively doesn’t really want to see people is when he’s having a depressive episode but those don’t last too long as is drink / smoke / drugs: yes / yes / yes

personality.

positive traits: adventurous, courageous, determined, funny, gregarious, independent, quick-witted, tough, versatile negative traits: belligerent, cantankerous, foolhardy, harsh, impulsive, parsimonious, sarcastic, tactless, unpredictable, vulgar goals/desires: lowkey he’d never admit it but he just kinda wants his parents’ approval in the end, and also maybe to find something better than supervisor at a flower store (no offence to marj and steve its just not his dream) fears: staying committed and missing out on different opportunities/people that could change his life, the fact that he probably can’t do any better than be a supervisor at a flower store tbh hobbies: drinking, drawing a bit tbh, thrifting, loves collecting random knick knacks and is personally loving buttons rn, harassing his friends<3, making stupid tiktoks that somehow have gotten him a kind of big following habits: swearing obnoxiously without caring, yells in dutch when he’s frustrated which he’s mostly picked up on cuz everyone else in his family does it, stares more than what is socially acceptable tbh, refuses to walk under ladders

favourites.

weather: sunny with some clouds colour: dark green music: likes a lot of 90s and early 2000s rap and rock, old school country like he loves dolly parton LKSDHGKLHSDGLK rly enjoys elvis presley too, some edm or anything that he can jst dance wildly to movies: old school slasher films, screams his fav movie series ever food: spaghetti bt specifically w marj’s Phenom homemade meat sauce<3 drink: grape juice, whiskey sour

relationships.

father: steven fowler is his uncle but currently his legal guardian, he’s a co-owner of fowler’s flowers and is kind of a mess but in like the fun way....... LKSHDGKLHSLDG he just spends a lot of the day in nothing but boxers and socks w their cat on his lap watching the weather report if he’s not working, has the weird energy of someone who would be running like a joke shop instead of being a florist. archibald fowler is leo’s biological dad but he sucks Big Time, giant business typhoon i hvnt . figured out 100% wht sort of business bt hes got Money bt doesnt even rly want anything to do w leo he jst sees him as a massive disappointment bc archie’s nothing but a loser fart of a square. mother: marjorie fowler’s his aunt and other legal guardian also the other co-owner of fowler’s flowers, literally the sweetest woman on the planet like she’s never done anything wrong in her life n u can take tht to the bank. she’s a bit weird n super spiritual, their house constantly smells like random herbs and rly intensely of flowers and plants bc she makes so many home remedies bt she’s an angel a fkin ANGEL!!!!! renata kline’s leo’s mom n she’s like . fine ig she was pretty negligent n her best friend is a bottle of wine....... she rly peaked at a young age when she was a pageant girl n she still coaches n stuff now bt she’s obvs rly sad so leo tries not to lose it on her too much even tho he thinks she’s annoying LKSHDGKLHSLDKGKLSDG siblings: augustus is his oldest brother and he’s pretty cool, probs the brother leo is closest with even tho he considers him boring bt it’s only bc he’s . actually responsible n wht not they had a lot of fun growing up together tho when leo visited new york. mikhael is the devil, he’s actually a bit of a cunt n both him n leo have expressed their hatred fr each other without missing a beat i think they actually dnt hv any love or affection fr the other in the slightest SKLDHGLKSDHG. vaughn n leo r closest in age he’s not tht much younger n he’s probs the shiest of them, pretty soft spoken n well meaning, him n leo dnt rly keep in contact too much anymore bt theres a special place in his heart fr vaughn he’s pretty protective even tho he bullies him a lot bt thts besides the point. willhelm’s the youngest n it kinda shows he’s pretty idgaf attitude n rly blunt bt he’s also funny n probs the biggest partier outside of leo so he gets a pass whenever he rolls his eyes in leo’s face. pets: mitzie’s an 8 year old tortoiseshell cat who lives primarily on ppls laps shes literally more lap dog than cat significant other: n/a family’s financial status: middle class

extra.

zodiac sign: scorpio<3 mbti: estp - the entrepeneur enneagram: the epicure temperament: sanguine hogwarts house: gryffindor moral alignment: chaotic neutral primary vice: pride primary virtue: dilligence element: fire

[deadmanzp]

aftg asks; questions by triquetrine

these are so interesting so i did all of them.. i want to come back after a year and see if id still answer the same! 

op is the post before this or also tagged “misc” 

neil josten: favorite/most iconic line?

first one that comes to mind I’m not sure is a favorite or iconic line? but it’s a line i think about a lot and it always hurts to read. it’s when they're at the cabin in TKM. 

“He didn’t care how much it hurt so long as he could pull Andrew closer, and he let Andrew take him apart until he couldn’t think anymore.”

that comes at the very end of Chapter 14 and gosh just the paragraph that line comes from and the paragraph before…. the fact neil thinks andrew doesnt care about him the way he cares/feels about andrew is like….. CMON MAN but also i just love the pining angst of it. i like this line especially because the line right before it mentions neil working his “bandaged fingers into Andrew’s hair”. so the “he didnt care how much it hurt” to me always carried a double meaning of 1. the physical pain he felt bc of his injuries but also 2. the pain of unfamiliarity abt his feelings towards andrew and thinking it was unreciprocal AND THAT HED HAVE TO “WARN” ANDREW like the implication.. of neil thinking abt their “relationship” possibly ending bc andrew doesnt feel the same and maybe wouldnt want to be entangled in whatever neil was feeling …… IM LIKE neil knows andrew so well and him being so sure abt this but hes like …. WRONG …. e

nathaniel wesninski: one thing you would change about the books? (plot, characters, etc)

there is very little id change about the books if at all. mainly bc while i know there are upsetting things that happen/the charas do, i think all of those things make the series really interesting to analyze and talk about. i will say a moment i hated was when neil touches andrews scars when andrew makes it clear he doesn't want neil to pry about them. i know neil offers his scars in turn when he's trying to convince andrew to let neil look over kevin but that was controlled. he let andrew touch them and find out about them of his own volition. neil touches something directly related to the trauma andrew had just experienced again when he had 0 permission to do so. while i always get mad at neil for this when i read it i still dont think id change it or get rid of it. im not really sure how id change it anyways and i think andrews relationship with his scars (and himself in general) is probably what allows him to brush it off(?)/never bring this up (plus maybe neil offering his scars was enough for andrew) but i havent thought too hard about this. but ya i remember i got rlly angry w neil the first time i read this scene and i still get mad abt it when i reread.

andrew minyard: if you could be friends with one of the characters, who would you pick?

i mean realistically i wouldnt be friends w jocks ILL BE REAL LOL and i think as much as i love the monsters, theres no way id be friends w them haha uhm but prob dan would be most realistic! maybe even katelyn tbh.. 

kevin day: if you played exy, what would your position be?

oh i think dealer! in sports i liked being able to do both defense and offense bc it made me feel i had more control over the field, like i could always do something if there were any holes

dan wilds: favorite moment/scene?

definitely the hotel reunion scene. theres so much to it; it drives me nuts!!!!! but honestly there are probably a lot of really good moments im forgetting. to me the whole series is really enjoyable and every scene has something i could say about it haha

matt boyd: song you would love to see in a live-action adaptation?

Oggghh this is so hard… esp since it takes place in 2007???? Idk.. iconic artists then i suppose ghfgkjhf BUT i think general vibes i think itd be so cool if paramore (time relevant), ptv (also time relevant), and mitski were on the soundtrack……. Ya…….. 

nicky hemmick: which made you more emotional, neil at evermore or neil in baltimore?

neil in baltimore for sure… neil at evermore i can't remember what i felt the first time i read it (maybe pain LOL bc he was doing it for andrew and i felt like riko wouldnt keep his promise) but in my latest reread i was unimpressed by it (mostly bc i think riko is boring and unimpressive). i think i mightve said evermore in the past though….. maybe... neil in baltimore is like … GOD neils emotions are so strong during all of that its really juicy haha. i think like him being angry bc he was on the cusp of having everything he couldve ever dreamed of; the desperation of wanting to fight back and get away; even just the fear of being in the same room as his father for the first time in so long... all really juicy 

aaron minyard: a character you will defend to your death?

defend…. im not sure is the word i would use and i dont think i really believe in defending any of these charas “to death” bc of how flawed and complex they are; id like to acknowledge when they did wrong. i think id “defend” any of the characters if i saw anyone misinterpreting or misunderstanding them.. theyre all really interesting even if they didnt get too much spotlight. except maybe riko. hes incredibly boring to me. and also nathan ig and any of his crew just bc there is Nothing abt them rlly...

katelyn: which minor character do you wish you could see more of?

uhhhmmmmmmmm hmmmmmm….. idk maybe… jeremy…. gjfjgkdngmdghs just bc him and kevin r so funny.. i was thinking maybe jean too but…… idk a diff kind of kevin relationship lol (yikes) (pain) but really im satisfied w jeans screen time. i think ichirou is interesting but again i think he didn't rlly need more. maybe erik actually. im interested to know what nicky is like with him :0

allison reynolds: favorite headcanon about the foxes?

actually something i recently thought abt was neil and photography. iirc? andrew gives neil a camera in the ec and i also imagine kevin eventually gets another camera too (i loved that detail when we saw his room at the nest) so i thought abt neil and kevin sharing/trading pics they take of (mainly) scenery. i imagine neil takes pics of anything he wants to remember/keep while kevin is more prone to taking pics of subjects related to some nerd history stuff (lol) so thats why they trade scenery pics mainly. but i like this small connection bc i want more to their relationship than their exy obsession and i imagine they have room for more now that riko is gone and i just like this other commonality btwn them. i think maybe they mail the developed pics to each other maybe w small descripts/notes but thats it. and i also imagine it kind of just is something that started happening.. neil and andrew r on a roadtrip and some building reminds neil of kevin so he snaps a pic and eventually sends it to kevin w some note. kevin replies 1. either a text being like that is nothing. > neil: shrugs brushes it off but figures he is welcome to send more when kevin sends his own picture back or 2. kevin simply replies back similarly w his own photo. i dont know.. maybe this goes beyond what their actual relationship would be like but i do like the idea of them just bein like… dude friends u know so i want them to have more than just exy and a traumatizing experience between them. 

as for common headcanons within the fanbase…. i do like the allison + neil haircuts thing.. although im not sure if i imagine it the same as most haha i feel neil would know how to cut his own hair from his life on the run (though theyre not Good or bad just like ok u know like passable generic w/e) i think hed definitely be tense the first couple times but he has experience w allison being close from needing to be covered up w make up after winter break so i think she would be allowed. 

renee walker: favorite non-canonical ship? (renison, jerejean, etc)

uhmm to be honest none really… im way too attached to canon to be able to dismiss any established relationships. i think kevemy (??? is that the name) is rlly amusing but i dont want them together necessarily haha i used to rlly like renison mainly bc im a lesbian and i want “main” chara wlw relationships lol but i recently read something abt how bi allison doesnt rlly sit well w some bc she outs andrew and neil during the hotel scene.. i also agree this is kinda :/ if she was bi Mainly bc i feel a lot of ppl (or at least this is what i gather from renison stuff ive seen) portray allison already being established bi? if this makes sense. i think if renison/allison realizing shes bi is a later development id feel better abt it but usually renison is already established so ya her outing them does bother me…. BUT aside from this, thinking about them as characters and what their partners (would) look like… im not sure if theyd rlly choose each other.. but i still enjoy seeing them together in art and in fic bc in the end…. im a sucker for women lol….

seth gordon: most underrated dynamic? (matt & neil, wymack & andrew, etc)

my first thought was wymack and andrew bc i rlllllyy like their dynamic especially after reading their ec stuff. i loved their first meeting (andrews terrible sandwich??!?fhdhfjd) and when andrew breaks into wymacks apartment BUT i think ppl mention them enough its not underrated. i Actually think renee and andrews dynamic/friendship is rlly underrated/overlooked!!! especially after reading the son nefes ec i love their dynamic a lot… 

some son nefes moments of them i liked:  tw // rape

renee convincing andrew to go with her to see matt after his trip to edens

how many knives do u carry / one more than u IS SO FUNNY and just andrews persistence abt fighting renee is also rlly funny to me

tw // rape : the moment when andrew asks renee if she killed her rapist/abuser that whole convo was good… 

their convo in the rain w their tea

i cant remember when this happens or rlly exaclty what was said but renee offers andrew something (some help??) and he says i dont need (w/e it was) and she says something along the lines of  i know but it wouldnt do any harm or SOMETHING like that.. i like this bc she acknowledges their abilities while showing shed still like to offer some help. im p sure she does this another time too (w neil???? or someone i cant remember maybe it was andrew again) and i remember liking it too. she has a way w words and talking (also seen in her convincing andrew to see matt)

BUT regardless of ec stuff i think their relationship/dynamic seen in the books is rlly good too. theres def enough to be intrigued by them and i always have been? so i'm reeeaallly happy son nefes exists i loved reading it..

david wymack: which ncaa team would you play for?

oh to be honest i dont rlly remember many of them but of the Three (ravens, foxes, trojans) prob trojans. i remember i even got them in a uquiz once… 

abby winfield: which character was the most realistically written?

first that came to mind was aaron actually.. i remember before when i didnt rlly like him or care abt him it was actually bc he was too “boring” to me. i always thought he had the most realistic reactions to things which is what made him boring to me amidst the ridiculousness of, well, everything in aftg lol… i still think he is really realistically written but now i dont think hes boring haha

besty dobson: how many times have you read the series?

fully i think…. only 3 times… i wish this were a higher count but i actually feel guilty everytime i try to reread it.

riko moriyama: coolest exy moment? (kevin’s last-minute point against the ravens, andrew shutting down the goal, etc)

uhhmm uhmm i def think kevin during the final game against the ravens…. hes so cool haha but i KNOW there were a lot of game moments that i thought were really cool so i cant rlly say…. oh also i love neil being defense in that game too rlly juicy wish i could pull up obscure moments bc i know i rlly enjoyed reading the games but terrible memory...

jeremy knox: which do you like reading more, domestic!foxes or chaotic!foxes?

uh i guess chaotic? not rlly sure exactly what that could entail but i do like… their chaos.. when they have fights and squabbles and stuff… this includes the high tension moments. ALTHOUGH i do like the tiny lines in the books when we see the monsters just doing like random basic everyday life stuff like playing video games or whatever. i like…. imagining them... fhdjfjshfjs… as for fic def chaos. i feel domestic is usually too softened….. 

jean moreau: favorite friendship?

oh i think this goes back to andrew and renee. but other than them… i do like neil and matts friendship.. though probably not the same as its typically portrayed 

[cnisms]

ok wow... here are some v basic intros for beck, aja, veronika, bella, angel n natalya ! they won’t be super detailed bc... theres fricken 6 of them... some are longer, some are shorter, they are all ugly. but i do know my muses inside out so if u ever want me to expand on anything or fill in any gaps, just lmk. no stat pages for any of them yet, so i’ll list the basics in here. plotting ? yk what to do ! im me or just punch me in the face ! n ofc if theres specific plots u have in mind already just lmk bc as yall know... im always gonna snatch them up anyways (also ONCE AGAIN sorry for never replying to ims, i’m just a lot of foul moods these days n obviously it’s got nothin to do w yall so i wait... aka i get five minutes of peace a week... but i 100% always wanna plot n be friends !!! i WILL reply... eventually...) v brief mentions of miscarriage, drug addiction, neglect, murder n obviously death.

i lied i actually did start this ugli’s stats !! barely, but they’ll be here.

you will never met a bigger nerd than beck ever im tellin u now

had a nice childhood, parents are both scientists n lowkey hippies, v v v smart household. they were always more friendly than parental with him due to the fact that he’s always been (not super mature but) very intellectual.

grew up interested in everything. studied hard n fast. has graduated too many times. thought maybe the goal was to be a lecturer ? couldn’t pick on what tho. ended up staying to hang around his last university and instead tutors literally everyone in literally any subject. if ur muse is studying @ imperial college ? beck is their favourite tutor. srry it’s law !

just a nice guy ? unfortunately doesn’t have very many negative traits to him bc that’s just the way it worked out but he does talk a lot n has trouble effectively communicating anything he hasn’t studied so he may not always appear to be the nicest guy but ? he rlly is just a ugh jesse mccartney vc beautiful soul.

barely getting by bc how much can u charge uni students ? the answer is the minimum. he’s never been super materialistic or anything so it’s not a rude shock to him but his social life suffers (i mean he could find plenty to do himself but he is always rejecting invitations) due to lack of funds.

so boring.. so vanilla..

has to told be told to shut up or he will go for two days n yes it does hurt his feelings xx

megan ajala parekh (goes by aja), 22, cisfemale, panromantic, pansexual, listens to too much usher

was raised between the city n a farm a lil while out of town. had to deal w all of the divorce drama worse than either of her parents. they all cut each other off when she was 16 and she’s fake af making jokes abt it, acting like it was the best decision ever but she wasn’t prepared at all ? she was just couch surfing n surviving on birthday money from her grandparents n she was scared but v “no goin’ back now ig!” about the whole situation/

big mess ! also had no idea what she wanted to do but she was actually a huge flop education wise (no offense gf, me too) n ended up in a government programme n through that she just did whatever was recommended so she ended up in aged care n she loves it !

to be fair she loves everything tho so ? that’s not really sayin much. 

super excitable n ott. is always goin’ head first into everything.

as a result she’s also always exhausted n grumpy. one or the other. she can’t calm herself down n maintain a healthy lifestyle. it just doesn’t work.

lives in a disused hospital bc why not. she’s savin’ up for a nice van... to live in... that’s rlly where she sees herself.

except she’s not really saving up bc she’s the definition of headassery and is spending all her money on fast food and expensive sunglasses n hats that she will lose that same week.

i’m falling asleep but naomi scott is a goddess so whom cares 

veronika erikson, 40, cisfemale, biromantic, bisexual, old as mc’heck so she’s actually got a life for me to talk abt

born in denmark, was scouted at 16, lived between paris and new york after that, had massive success as a model. made money, set trends, still pops up in every other #goals pinterest board and #mood instagram tag. was an entire it girl back in the 90s but ! it was never fulfilling.

literally all she wanted ? her entire life ? was to be a mother ? nothing else ? modelling was a good way for her to make money bc realistically she wouldn’t have been happy doing anything that wasn’t raising her own children but she was never satisfied.

NEVER GOT HER BABIES ! despite marrying very young (she was v keen to start a family but she was also super in love) n immediately gettin into it and giving up her career at 23 to be at her prime health-wise, she had no success. suffered a LOT. the fact that the problem could never be identified was obviously super frustrating n stressed her the frick out ? the miscarriages my dude... she’d been through it n would tell herself not to get her hopes up but it was obviously always worlds worst heartbreak every time.

grew to resent her husband bc tho she knew he wasn’t to blame, she needed to put it on someone. never adopted or looked at other options out of (irrational) fear that she’d have the same kind of feelings towards any children that she didn’t birth herself so ! shit didn’t get better. it literally started 10 yrs ago... and it the negative feelings changed in intensity over n over but they somehow managed to survive 10 years n only recently separated so ! she got rid of everything n moved to london for a fresh start where she now flips houses bc she can ig n it gives her smth to do !

honestly would make the best mother ? she’s aunt to the yates siblings (hey huns) and always did the most for her fricken mini-me imogen. beautiful vodka aunt who brings gifts and gushes about u n is here to gossip but is ready to go off on ur ass if u force her to. won’t go around babying people but... if u give her the chance... 

that... that’s her personality... ideal mom in every way.

separates her private n public life very well but doesn’t share her important thoughts or feelings at all. generally a nice but passive person. 

courtney love tweeting about riverdale vibes.

arabella gomfrey, 23, closeted pan princess (literally a princess (cici is shaking)), sofia coppola’s marie antoinette

the whole gomfrey situation will be developed eventually but for now here is this.

they may not be, but bella is a v affectionate person. is wedged firmly up her entire family’s ass. loves her parents n lets them n everyone else know. rlly thinks they’re right about absolutely everything. will agree to n do anything they say.

will do anything anyone says honestly ? as long as it doesn’t come in conflict with what her parents want for her ? tell her to walk off a building bc it’ll make her parents happy n she’ll sit there stressing and considering it for hours.

won’t think for herself but still manages to be a major fake. only tells u what you want to hear, excessively sweet, will not be the one to deliver bad news ever hell nope she’s paying someone to do that for her. 

v cliquey n judgemental. her inner circle is literally just other pretty rich girls. 

loves the whole situation she was born into n has no shame. milks it. does the most. will throw a tantrum when she doesn’t get what she wants. entitled brat !

idk how but she’s the most catholic person you’ll ever meet ? the pope is jealous.

models bc she knows can do whatever the hell she wants without trying ig. just likes the applause.

angela (angel) rosado, 24, panromantic, pansexual, loves girls, Is Beautiful .

yea rosado as in the resort aha... nbd ... was adopted by the rich old rosados when she was 10 n has lived the good life ever since but before that . it was p ugly.

she was literally left on her neighbour’s doorstep when her parents got evicted from their home when angel was 6 months old ? they took her in but ! they struggled ! so a year later when angel’s mother was pregnant again n sorted herself out for a min n came back to claim her so they could be a family or w/e, the people who had been caring for her were obviously like um we rlly should not trust this bich with a baby but we’re abt to be kicked out ourselves so ... they basically forced this image of angel n her mother n the next baby livin happily ever n let her go.

her mother had another girl n angel loved her even tho she was tiny herself... she was (and still is dw her sister is thriving still) crazy abt this baby. she rlly could not love her sister more. their mother wasn’t clean for long, but their father was much worse. when he died 2 yrs later, she quickly worsened too. she was ill n not fit to parent at all but the girls lived with it for 4 yrs before they were taken away. they were told their mother passed away a few months later but neither ever looked into it.

it did not get any better ? in foster care they were bullied ... so bad. they would sneak off everyday to avoid it n then they got in trouble from their carers for doin that like ig you can’t win ! so they were gonna split the sisters up n angel was so ,,, dependent on her lil sister (n got teased for this bc her sister was literally tuckin her in and singing her to sleep every night as if she was the baby) n was not feelin too good about the situation my dudes !

anyways they snuck off to the library soon after n ig hit up The Google for a solution ? n they accidentally ended up reading some story on wtvr gossip site abt these hotel tycoons adopting for the fifth time. angel’s sister.. literally found rosado resorts’ business email . ASKED THEM TO COME ADOPT HER N ANGEL TOGETHER N TAKE THEM AWAY TO LONDON...

n it worked ? luv a (kinda) happy ending

obviously becoming part of a big, rich, sober family in a different country was weird n difficult once the excitement wore off but they made it work. her sister fit in better than her n their parents saw that ? n they noticed she was p much living off of her sister entirely ... but they were v good abt it, they put a lot of time n effort n love into angel n she grew to be THE daddy’s girl of the bunch. like he was good w all of the kids but they always had their (jealous) memes abt angel being the favourite. everyone grew up n moved on, still all v supportive of eachother. angel ? still living near her parents, checkin’ in everyday, still getting everything she wants handed to her.

doesn’t even pretend she’s effectively dealt w the bad memories of her childhood, just straight up acts like she remembers nothing except for her sister singing her to sleep. remembers everything n struggles with it everyday but that’s her business apparently.

likes to let u know that she knows she’s better than u ? better than everyone ? except maybe her sister n her father. doesn’t even like her other siblings. loves them yea, but she doesn’t like them n always starts drama crying to her parents abt how they don’t like her either.

kinda just a real snob yk what i mean ? she’s lit abt her work and her like.. total of 2 friends but otherwise likes to act real unimpressed all the time. 

u would think w the shit she’s seen she would be an understanding person but nope if she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t see it.

her parents bought her .. a gym .. for her 20th bday n she opened a few more in the yrs following that and now has celebrities up on instagram posing in angelfit activewear, pretending to drink her protein shakes, u know the deal. she’s v proud of herself.

UM OK WOW its 8am i’ve been working (slowly) at this whole post for 6hrs now n i just forgot i was keeping these short but i can’t pick which details to remove so u know what ? this one stays meaty. thats it tho i think !

also peep her nameless sister in case anyones lookin for muse ideas in the future :P x

N FINALLY... natalya nikolayevna belyakova, natasha works, 27, demiromantic, demisexual, cute ! dont know if u noticed but she’s russian !

these muses just get more n more extreme as u go down the list o wow n still none of them get a coherent introduction. especially natasha bc ? ok so she was raised by dirty money but ... criminal organisations in moscow ... lets not even get into it. let’s say they were big in weaponry.

anyway ! it was just her, her brother n her father. v close. they were weird, everyone knew this. she had no friends, even when she was living out of home to study. her social life was literally whatever dangerous dinner parties her father invited her to n that was it.

it was never that deep (AKA IT WASNT GROSS LIKE EVERY1 MADE IT OUT TO BE) she's literally just shy n angery pup meme. she’s the pretentious smart girl in every story ever who is like “i hate ppl... books cant stab u in the back” like ok relax who asked NERD but she rlly could not escape her family so might as well love them !

um ig her father had her mother killed when natasha was abt 8 yrs old. apparently she was havin an affair. her brother spilled the beans to her yrs later when he was mad at their father. she wanted to be horrified for a second but thought it would change nothing so there was no point. she rlly stanned her father huh ?

he dead too now rip. while natalya was away studying, every1 in their home... her brother, father, everyone workin’ there ... all ... got killed n then the house was torched quick. she knew business had been gettin uglier but this ugly ? [ mari vc ] ruined her fricken LIFE.

one of her father’s creepy old friends eventually had to let her know what happened n how everyone saw it coming or whatever like ok thanks buddy ! natasha’s rlly sad obviously ? doesn’t last long. now ... she’s mad ! now... She’s pissed.

so she’s come to blame this gang that’s heavy in london. she REALLY drops outta school, comes on over, worms her way into their major rival gang n WAITS. she’s been here . for yrs now . and is yet to do . anything ... despite being obsessed with the idea of revenge. she’s playing the long game and making sure she’s getting all the details right bc she’s like Well this is a suicide mission might as well make it count ! its sad but -.- what are u gonna do ? (rival gang subplot coming soon btw whew!)

keeps her desire for actual bloody revenge to herself bc she doesnt wanna look like she’s gonna cause trouble for anyone when she DEFINITELY IS. she only acts angry enough to have her >.> allies >.> belieb that she’s loyal.

obviously committed . obviously she needs some milk .

not a fun person ? unless u tryna die also. but she’s very put together, v professional, cultivated, charming ig when she wants to be, unfortunately adorable, v organized, um what else ? nothin. that’s that. thanks !

THIS IS SO UGLY I CANT BELIEVE I EMBARRASS MYSELF LIKE THIS BUT U KNOW WHAT ! [ CHRIS TRAEGER VC ] LITERALLY ! A MEMEY INTRO POST IS BETTER THAN NO INTRO POST ! GOOD LUCK WITH UR LIVES ! LOVE U ALL !

[carefarmacy]

I’ve hesitated to suggest ODing on cannabinoids because there’s zero research to back up my claim, and because the story of how I got here is kindof a bummer, but meh to yesterday’s microdosing. That was like a bandaid during the day, and definitely helped with pain - but I judge the state of my disease by my mornings and any hesitations I had about upping my dosage from the last week are gone. I firmly believe that the necessary cannabinoid dose must be equivalent or greater than the problem it’s battling to truly make a difference. So, how I got here. In Spring 2017 I got stuck in a death flare. I was taking around 100mg a day, and surviving off green juice, protein shakes, and Boost drinks. Around the one month mark my stomach started rejecting everything and the GI office told me to go to the ER. Anyone with chronic illness/invisible illnesses will tell you, the ER is fuckedville. I ate butternut squash soup on the way, and spewed neon yellow all up in that triage, but when I got back to a room I was given Benadryl to sleep and released when my blood work wasn’t of worry. I so wish I was exaggerating. When P picked me up, he brought with him a 350mg @korovaunrivaled gluten free edible that I ate and then immediately went to sleep. For the next two days, I was able to eat whatever I wanted. That week I spent all our money at dispensaries taking roughly 500mg a day but by the next week I was out of it. There isn’t really any research I’ve found to support this theory, but there is the Rick Simpson protocol. The Rick Simpson protocol utilizes Rick Simpson Oil - better known as RSO, a concentrated Cannabis extract, originally prepared with naphtha but now more commonly extracted with ethanol, to treat cancer. The oil is usually thick and dark, created by a short soak and then washing of the plant material in a liquid solvent, followed by gentle heating to evaporate the solvent. (+/- a few steps, this is how all Cannabis concentrates are created. what differentiates them is the state of the starting material [fresh/aged/frozen/whole bud/etc], the solvent used [water/alcohol/co2/butane/propane], and the way in which the solvent is removed [dehydrator/rice cooker/vac oven/distillation chamber/idk concentrates aren’t my thing]). LOL tangent, back to the protocol, which suggests ingesting 60g RSO concentrate in 90 days, starting with a small dose, doubling it every week, working up to 1g (1,000mg) daily. It’s supposedly at this level that measurable cell apoptosis (not a 🦕 like autocorrect suggested, but cell suicide) occurs. Science has shown that when THC connects to mutant cells, it causes a shift in the cells mitochondria. That shift causes the cell to release ceramide (in general*) causing the cell to die off. *This is a bit of a blanket statement for a much more complicated matter and if you’re trying to treat something like cancer do more research than an IG post/email me.* As far as I’ve found, there’s no research to explain the mechanism of high doses, but here’s my hypothesis - which is based primarily on the fact that potent doses never get me as high as they should combined with smaller doses being highly ineffective. Cannabinoids get preoccupied with the site of inflammation. Meaning when I eat THC and it passes through my inflamed GI, say 75% of the THC attaches to inflammation cells, making a 60mg dose feel like 15mg because that’s all that’s passing through the liver and entering the bloodstream (eventually crossing the blood brain barrier, connecting to the CB1 receptors in the brain and causing psychoactive effects). 2) Cannabinoid dosage requires being relatively equivalent/greater than problem site because inflammation/mutant (cancer) cells are often capable of “autonomous cell proliferation” which basically means they can clone themselves. Taking care of 15% of the problem with a small dose gives little relief because the other 85% are making baby shitcells. I say this based on this AM being worse than all week. That, or quinoa? Again all my theory, with zero science to back it up, so take it with a grain of salt. I’d give a pinky toe to put a micro camera in a canna cap and find out what’s going on. All toes accounted for, an ultra high dose of THC might (probably) make you feel funny but it definitely won’t kill you (don’t drive duh) so if you’re suffering from something gnarly, take the weekend to couch lock out and report back on what happens. Now back to trying to streamline CBN extractions...