#idk if this was purposeful probably not but the association came to me so quickly in the moment i thought i should share

[desertendroad]

not to be crazy but his scream here reminded me for some reason of viktor’s scream when he’s running on the harbour which is funny because in vik’s case he’s crying out because of the functionality of his leg whereas here jayce cries out over the damage to his leg 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ is that anything

[order-of-river-phoenix]

Okay so... I know everyone else is just as torn up about the results of the 2 yr time jump at the end (and let’s be real, we’d all have been happier if they left it at Monse saying bye from the car) BUT I have a theory. This group, as dysfunctional as they are, has a thing for elaborate schemes. Bare with me. This will take a minute to explain.

A few things didn’t sit right with me/stuck out to me, so hear me out:

-Monse still has the picture on her nightstand. Sure it’s not in “prime viewing area,” but it’s there. That’s gotta mean something, you know? Also, she has a photo of her and her siblings, so that means she’s probably been back home in that span of time (obviously) so I don’t think she’s completely avoided the guys (and Jasmine)

-Jamal suddenly got his ears pierced and playing, of all things, football? Okay. It’s not like he spent THE WHOLE FIRST SEASON trying to escape football. And he seems comfortable. Like he’s adapted to this group of ppl, like he’s figured out how to act around them in a way that doesn’t set ppl off from him. He shows almost none of the nervous energy that makes up his character.

-Ruby’s whole look had me suspicious. He looks like Jason Genao not Ruby Martinez. His hair isn’t fixed, he looks tired as hell, and he’s wearing a... Misfits shirt? How did he go from clean cut, button-ups to lowkey e-boy? Did he suddenly download Pinterest/Tiktok and feel the need to switch up his look?

-Jasmine herself didn’t stick out to me too much. She seems normal, and I have to say, I was happy to see her and Ruby looking comfortable together. BUT what I did notice was when Ruby and Jamal make that split second eye contact, both of their faces completely change, and Jasmine, who is clearly looking at Ruby, doesn’t even notice. She is #1 at spotting when Ruby isn’t feeling right or when he’s off. If something was up, she’d have had something to say or at least make some kind of movement to see what made his expression change so quickly.

-and Cesar. I know they were trying to set that whole thing up when he started getting super bitter at Oscar, but really? He wouldn’t betray his real family that way. He’s all about loyalty, and even after all of the tension that came up there towards the end, there’s no way he would become a fully-fledged Santo unless it meant he was keeping someone safe. I know he started getting cool w the Santos when that one guy sided with him, but after everything they’ve put him and his family (Oscar, Ray, the core4) through, it just doesn’t make sense.

-I love Oscar’s bit. I LOVE IT. He deserves to have a normal life where he gives and receives love, and I’m happy. However, we still don’t know where he is now. I’m sure we’re supposed to assume it’s his own house somewhere away from Freeridge, but idk something seems... off.

MY THEORY:

The time jump is only so we don’t start questioning why everything keeps happening so close together. We’ve had 3 seasons of back-to-back conflicts. Yeah, the seasons span across a significant amount of time, but like with other shows, it gets boring and unrealistic to believe that all of these Big Problems would happen to the same ppl year after year.

In that 2 year gap, something else has happened, and the crew has to go separate ways. or APPEAR to have split apart. I have no idea what or why, but I have a feeling this is all on purpose.

THAT LOOK that Ruby and Jamal shared didn’t rlly look like a “that’s my best friend I haven’t talked to in a long time and now we aren’t friends anymore” look, ya feel? It could have just as easily been a “I know we aren’t supposed to associate in public but I need to speak” look or something similar. They both looked worried, not sad. Ruby’s expression seemed almost anxious. AND AGAIN, Jasmine didn’t make any move to see what made Ruby’s expression change so quickly.

I could easily see the Santos being an asset to whatever they have going down, so Cesar getting in their good graces can make sense, but not just that he became a hardened gang member like that clip was meant to make us believe. Similarly to how I said Oscar wouldn’t have joined if he didn’t think it was the right thing to do, Oscar wouldn’t let him for the same reason. He expressed a couple times that he considers himself Cesar’s father, and y’all rlly think he’d have allowed Cesar to put himself in that situation if he didn’t think Cesar would be safe coming out of it? Why would the writers emphasize on how Oscar wants a life outside of gangs and feels such a paternal responsibility over Cesar if it all ends with Cesar joining the gang Oscar so wanted to leave?

Things just don’t add up. Please let me know if you have any critiques of my theory. I just finished it a few hours ago, and it’s all I’ve been able to think about.

[sherwoodknights]

Me?? Over-analysing The Scarlet Pimpernel??? Its more likely than you think

So, surprise surprise, I was rereading the scarlet pimpernel in hopes of getting any tiny bit of inspiration for The Lady Of The League, and instead, I, of course decided to over-analyse it and came up with a lil theory about our very own Sir Percival Blakeney, Baronet.

Bear in mind that this is just a nerd rambling, I'm probably very wrong-

Also idk how much of a "theory" this is. It's more of a "my brain worked overtime and wouldn't let me rest until I wrote this down and forced it upon my mutuals and followers"

So it's well established within the canon of the Scarlet Pimpernel that Percy stops any suspicion of him being the Pimpernel by hiding himself behind the facade of a brainless, foppish idiot. Which is a very important point, as it's how he manages to keep himself safe for so long.

Even more important is the fact that everyone believes it. His act works, and practically everyone in England remains convinced that Percy Blakeney is just an idiot who managed to marry 'the cleverest woman in Europe' somehow.

But clearly, Percy isn't the idiot he pretends to be. He is, of course, the titular Pimpernel, who is intelligent enough to rescue countless aristocrats from death, to plan escapes very quickly, and just to generally outwit Chauvelin and the French constantly. This is common knowledge to pimpernel fans, of course, so why is Jess basically regurgitating the whole first novel?

Because I have a question:

Why does everyone in England genuinely believe that Percy is a completely incompetent fop?

It's something that I don't think many people really think about. The explanation we are offered in the book is that for the purpose of hiding any association with the Pimpernel and his League, Percy goes out of his way to play the idiot. And that's a perfectly reasonable explanation for it. I know I accepted it unquestionably during my earliest experience with the Scarlet Pimpernel.

But I personally think that it's deeper than this. And that's where my dumb, over-thinking analysis fandom brain kicked in, and started to construct this idea.

So let's start with what we know about Percy Blakeney from the book. Throughout his introduction in chapter 6, titled 'An Exquisite of `92', a point is made of the way he is perceived by English society.

"He, the sleepiest, dullest, most British Britisher to ever set a pretty woman yawning"

"the 'cleverest woman in Europe' had linked her fate to that 'demmed idiot' Blakeney"

"Every one knew that he was hopelessly stupid"

"But then Blakeney was really too stupid to notice the ridicule"

Each is a direct quote from the chapter. So clearly, there is a certain way that he is seen by everyone. And he accepts it. More than this, he plays himself into this view they have, for the sake of his own ends.

But nobody ever explains where this image of Percy comes from, and why it is practically just a fact that he is remarkably stupid.

The book is set in 1792, and the revolution began in 1789. The mass execution of aristocrats didn't come straight away, and Percy and his friends certainly weren't lying in wait for all of this to happen. So at most, Percy has been rescuing people for some time more than a year, and has been married to Marguerite for around a full year of that time. So for Percy to be so well-known by England, he's probably been known to them for longer than he's been Pimpernel-ing.

So why do they believe that he's so incompetent? Surely, if he was as clever as the reader knows he truly is, people would notice if he suddenly turned into a brainless fool for no reason.

Unless they never considered that he was intelligent in the first place.

Which is a weird thought, right? When we clearly know that he is clever. But then it starts to make more sense if you start to consider his history, specifically his mother and what happened to her.

"Although lately he had been so prominent a figure in fashionable English society, he had spent most of his early life abroad. His father, the late Sir Algernon Blakeney, had had the terrible misfortune of seeing an idolised young wife become hopelessly insane after two years of happily married life. Percy had just been born when the late Lady Blakeney fell a pray to the terrible malady which in those days was looked upon as hopelessly incurable and nothing short of a curse of God upon the entire family. Sir Algernon took his afflicted wife abroad, and there presumably Percy was educated, and grew up between an imbecile mother and a distracted father, until he attained his majority. The death of his parents following close upon one another left him a free man, and as Sir Algernon had led a forcibly simple and retired life, the large Blakeney fortune had increased tenfold."

So, there's a lot to unpack here. But the basics come down to the fact that just after Percy was born, an unnamed illness affected his mother's mind, and his father took the family out of England to some unnamed place, which is where Percy would then grow up.

And this is where things started to form for me. We don't know how quiet this whole thing was kept, but it does seem to be told to us as though it was common knowledge, and later on in the book, when Marguerite comes across a portrait of Percy's mother in his study, we find out that she knows what happened to her as well. And then another line from Percy's introduction in chapter 6 jumped out to me on rereading it.

"but then that was scarcely to be wondered at, seeing that all the Blakeneys, for generations, had been notoriously dull and that his mother had died an imbecile."

This tells us that Percy is already at a disadvantage if he wishes to be seen as intelligent.

He has to contend with the fact that his family is know to be dull, and bland, and boring people, and on top of that, he also has to contend with the fact that at least some people know that his mother lost her mind, for one reason or another.

And then you start to consider Percy himself. He was raised and educated abroad. He was more than likely raised by paid servants and hired hands who knew very little of the expectations of an English society gentleman, and his parents, who did know what was expected, were unavailable and occupied by the goings-on.

So that's what we have to consider: Percy was inexperienced in an upper-class English society. He probably had very little idea of what to expect from others, and what others, in turn, would expect from him. And then, when his parents died, he suddenly found himself inheriting a title, and lands with an estate, and a place in this society he had never known.

So when he inevitably returns, what can he do? He won't know many people, and therefore, he won't have many people to learn from. He will be the outsider, the boy who didn't grow up in England, the one who doesn't know how to fit in.

So it starts to come together.

We're told that after his parents passed away, he travelled abroad a lot. But he more than likely would have returned to England at least once, to see his estate, to acquaint himself with a world he will now have to navigate and live in. And when he does, the image of Sir Percy Blakeney that England has begins to form.

There is already the image of the previous members of the Blakeney family, who are known for being "notoriously dull"

There is the whole history of Percy growing up with an "imbecile mother"

And now, he returns to England and joins society with no idea what to do

And so the image forms.

They label him as this fool, as this brainless fop who knows more about fashion than he does about the world. And because he has no way of knowing how to show them that he is in fact intelligent, he accepts it. He takes the role they have given him to play, and he lives it.

Because when he is Percy Blakeney, the idiot who will laugh at everything, who will lead England in its fashion, he is accepted, and he has a place.

And then, enter the revolution. Percy finds himself wanting to do something, and he becomes the famous Scarlet Pimpernel. And he realises that this image of him can be used to protect his life, and that of his most loyal friends and followers in the League.

So I propose the theory to you; Percy did not become the brainless fop to hide himself. Instead, he, in his unseen cleverness, used what people knew and expected of him to deflect suspicion.

And that's why it worked so perfectly. Because in order to hide in plain sight, he didn't have to change a thing about himself.

~~~~

So there we have it! A long, probably very useless rant that will probably never help anyone, but if you made it this far, I hope you enjoyed my take!

Once again, this is just an idea I had about Percy, I'm not claiming it to be canon, I'm probably looking way too deep into this, but I thought I'd share it with y'all

[writefightandflightclub]

Snarky space bois (Sub!Poe Dameron and sub!Tony Stark headcanons)

Warnings: 18+ only NSFW

GIF credits @rad-aar-blog​ and @the-darkling​

Poe Dameron and Tony Stark have major bratty switch energy. Don’t @ me, this is a cold hard fact. Here are some thoughts thots I had about the ways they’d be similar / different in being a bratty sub for you, at the times they let you take control. Why? Idk? Please indulge me? I don’t mean you’re with them at the same time but go for it if you think you can handle that much snark. 🙈

Things get explicit under the cut!

They would both be weak for a partner who was capable of kicking their ass. Like, they see their partner take someone down (with their body or their mind tbh) and they’re just like: Yikes 🥵 *instantly good to go*. Take me down and I’ll sass you for it the whole time but I’m gonna love it and lose it if you top me and I’ll moan so pretty for you. If you can pin them to the bed, their arms above their head while they writhe under you? Fuck. They’re basically drooling for you.

They’d definitely wanna relinquish control to you to ease the pressure of being a hero. To lose control on purpose, instead of by accident (especially Tony, my god). To not have to make decisions all the time. But they’re both cocky enough that they’ll let you know you’re never fully in control. (That is, until you work your magic and they become a hot, sweaty, unravelled mess for you.)

You’re one of the few people they’ve met who can give as good as you get. They love that you can put them in their place because, tbh, few can. That’s one of the reasons you’re so good at being a brat-tamer for them. That, and how much they know they can trust you in giving their body over to you. Plus, you know all the right buttons to press to have them eating out of your hand.

Honestly, you get high from the power; knowing you can dominate such a difficult and desirable man thrills you. They don’t often listen to orders in general, but knowing they listen to you? You feel unstoppable. And hot as hell. They love how powerful you are, and whether you’re shy or not they make you feel so comfortable and capable at taking control of things (in and out of the bedroom, whether that’s running a company or a squadron, they believe in you).

If you’re not a penis owner, well they definitely wanna be pegged by you 👀 They’re so good for you and take it so well. And those pretty eyes and noises they give you in return? The way they get so hard? You love to watch them lose it. Bonus if they come on their own stomach and you lick it off afterwards, with a slight hum into their skin letting them know how good they taste. If you do this they have died and gone to heaven, and even though they’re spent it still makes their cock twitch and seek for more sensations. Maybe round two? Or three?

The praise? Oh my god. They love getting it, for starters. Fuel their already healthy egos, please (especially Tony). It’s what they deserve. But they’re also givers. They’ll praise you so hard for everything you’re doing to them, for how good you make them feel, for how gorgeous you are inside and out, proclamations spilling from their lips until you swear you’re nearly coming undone before they are. It’s always their mission to try and get you to come before you intended to, while you’re domming them, and a few times they manage it. Then, you simply have to punish them to wipe that smug look off their face, and neither of you are mad about any of this tbh.

They don’t shut up. That goes without saying. Sometimes you put their mouth to better use, but you never wanna gag them - why would you want to stop these pretty noises and words that get you off so well?! They’re vocal when they come, obviously. Soft, warm groans that build from their chest until the sound is pouring from their open lips, eyes fluttering closed. It’s your favourite sound (and sight) in the galaxy.

They’re super eager to please you. They need you to know they can’t get enough of you. Plus it just feels good to pleasure you. And you know how Tony always gotta keep his mouth and his hands busy? You can make sure he puts them to good use, whether you order his hands on you or on himself.

So many lip bites.

Sometimes, they’re too good? Like, you try and use their mouth and they have you undone in moments, and you just have to make them build you up all over again. They’re not complaining (ok well they’re gonna sass you) and, trust me, neither are you.

Neither of them are particularly into being handcuffed or blindfolded (too many negative associations, and they prefer to have their hands free to touch you, tbh). They didn’t imagine being into bondage at all as it makes them feel so vulnerable. But, since they trust you, you gently help them discover their liking for a little rope play. If you manage to try out some intricate shibari I’m betting you’d particularly enjoy the view of that bound ass and thighs, just saying. Maybe you could even slide a toy in there, I’m.. 🥵 You especially love it when they’re a little bound, because it gives you something to grab on to or a way to manipulate their position until you have them just where you want them.

Look, they’re probably down for using all manner of sex toys, on them or on you. Or both! If you’re with Tony you know he will build you something custom too. And some of these things are pretty kriffing elaborate- he’s a genius after all, and he has a pretty good imagination, if you know what I mean. If you’re with Poe, he’ll bring something back that he spotted on some alien planet and is keen to try, and at first you’re sceptical but you quickly get on board and boy, you’re glad you did. In fact, he teases you about how hard you came for weeks afterward.

They’ll try most things once. They have an adventurous spirit. Like, for example, I totally think you could convince them to wear your/some fancy underwear for a day, if it fits them. You didn’t think it’s something you’d ever be into, but Poe looks especially good in a pair of something pink and lacy, don’t look at me, bye.

A little bit of degradation is fine for them too, when you’re both in the mood. Like, if you call them names or rub your juices in their face. Maybe you spit on their cock too and make them rub it in. Maybe you call them your slut as you slide that toy or your fingers into their ass or palm their hard, needy cock.

Tony likes it if you bite him. Or scratch him. He doesn’t care if you leave marks. In fact, he likes it if you claim him as yours, for everyone to see.

Poe will almost nut any time you yank his curls. Touching his hair is a great way to get him hot under the collar in public. He especially likes it if you grab on while you use his mouth, or as you yank his head and say darkly, “look at me”, or at whatever you’re doing to him. You won’t let him close those pretty eyes while you ride him. He loses control of himself so quickly at the sight of you, it’s unreal.

They are not opposed to some light spanking, the smack of your palm on their ass or even thighs.

They like it if you carry things out of the bedroom. Like, if you sidle up to Poe in the hangar and whisper in his ear that he’s so good for you he’ll forget everything except your name and follow you obediently back to your room. It’s a good job he remembers your name as you’re gonna make him say it. A lot.

You love to tease them and get them to beg, because they don’t beg easily. You are more than up to the challenge though. You’ll edge them like no-one’s business until they’re shivering with need, and you milk every last drop of sass and cum from their body.

They want the world to know how amazing and hot and perfect you are, and they have zero embarrassment or shame. Like, half the world/base probably knows exactly what you’re into and how good you make them feel after a bunch of rather thinly veiled innuendos and jokes and comments. They never reveal anything too personal, of course, and respect your privacy. You know they’re just proud and don’t care who knows it. You’re not entirely mad at the bragging (you like to show them off too)... but you will make them suffer for it later.

You love the ongoing dynamic, and the fact that things can switch up at such short notice. You never know what you’re going to get and you keep each other on your toes. Most importantly though, you love and trust each other to the ends of the earth.

The pet names they have for you? So cute it’s almost obscene. Except a long list of terms which end up being banned by the other rebels/avengers because they work their way into every comms link, briefing, announcement, and group hang.

Afterwards? Look, these two boys are soft in the middle, and so full of love. Sometimes they might even cry a little afterwards, or sometimes you do. But they’re happy tears as you’re each so overwhelmed by sensations (and sometimes overstimulated) and by love. You try and look after them and it ends up being the other way around. They’re gonna cuddle and snuggle and kiss you everywhere. These boys are tactile and can’t get enough of touching you and letting you know they love every inch of you. They do wanna be little spoon, at first, but eventually it’s not enough and they flip around and hold you so tight like they’re never gonna let you go. They run warm and there’s no cosier or softer embrace, honestly. You feel entirely safe, and they feel safe with you.

If they do need a bit of care afterwards though, they love to curl up in your lap while you stroke their hair. To them, that’s their own personal heaven.

The snuggles usually only end when they get snacky (and like, actually snacky, and not just what they say when they wanna pleasure you all over again). But then you might make your way to the rec room/tv room and everyone else clears out, because they know you both fight so hard that every moment you have together is precious.

[deuce-duce]

Am I...?? (Inwardly GASPS)!! Which Part...??

Today is March 2nd 2021 and I got my puter back and went to look at what I had last written on December 16th 2020. When I opened the file, it had been changed… dates had been obscured and certain things had been reworded… So… I have decided to go back through all of my previous posts to ensure the integrity of what I am writing stays that way! During this process I will be putting together a collection of my favorite quotes and post fragments. Which I will dub Rock and Roll’s Greatest Hits, if you live near me go buy airhorns Ill tell you why, When the greatest hits album comes out. What your about to read is primarily from Dec. 16th with a few changes or should I say… restorations?? Probably a little of both to be honest. Everything is still as it happened, I just add better descriptive words and fine tune the analogies so that they are easier to digest… My English teacher always told me that was what I was good at! Along with many others… who have said the same… not only do I understand it… I’m able to explain it in a way that others understand as well. ENJOY

On the seventh of December I woke up not too sure if something had occurred that night or not… as I have mentioned before they use a numbing agent that basically masks the pain until it wears off approximately 12 hours later… When I a woke on this day I was having moments of clarity and for some reason just couldn’t keep them to myself. talking to one of the staff members of the homeless shelter I expressed my destiny that I actually had one, that was going to bring me to greatness… then out of nowhere I just blurted out there is going to be a power shift!!!! And at that very moment I couldn’t believe what it was that had just come out of my mouth. I didn’t even believe it at first because the guy at the desk was like IDK… about… that… but when I went back into my room, the look on my roommate’s face said it all!! It seems as though those who pull strings and orchestrate a lot of this… put all of their eggs into one basket. I don’t know exactly what the terms of thee bet were but I’m assuming it had/has something to do with me not being able to control my compulsivity associated with my dissociation. Unfortunately for them I made a deal with God. It was while I was on quarantine and even though I was in a basement all by myself people kept F$%^&*!> with me. This is when I prayed stating that I would not falter, for my body his temple his craft and his glory. that I need to take care of myself and my destiny, for it is in his hands and I won’t let my selfishness or imperfections stop him from fulfilling his plan. Over and over again I have cried and cried about how fundamental and powerful this is all going to be. EFFIN CRAZY!! And now that I know without anyone telling me and it literally being given to me somehow is what is freaking everybody out. How do I know or how the hell did I figure it out!! I really couldn’t tell you and the only thing that is possible is that our Creator endowed me with such responsibility. Crazy!! (this was before I considered the probability of God being a woman, A mother, A Lover)

Low and behold one of my favorite artists Mr. Kid, Maniac, Rager, Wizard, Pursuer of Happiness Cudi dropped a new album entitled Man on the MOON Three. Ill have to say it’s a wonderfully made album! The album delves deep into who Scott is… I know the Fans are going to love it.

Rewind a little bit sorry for my hiatus just needed to stay focused and well as your aware have been led here not by accident and had some things that I needed to take care of before I started writing again. Not to mention I have been dealing with a lot only to know that I am who I am for a reason Rockstar Knights off MOTM3 has a lot to say concerning who I am and what I have realized as a result to my struggle. The Song is a collab with Trippie Redd and really encapsulates so much, that its hard to describe in words.

I had a very interesting conversation with my mother the other day and came to a pretty profound thought. 1st I was telling her how I was being told that I am too….!!! Smart!! Like WTF!! REALLY!! Is that even a thing?? But I didn’t let it get to me too much as it probably is the reason I face so much adversity, No matter the community I enter into. This is how I have explained it to her and a couple other people in the community as well as the Rasta Man in the PNW. The best analogy I could present is if a plant with a fire burning so big and so hot on one side of the plant, a fire so big and hot that it probably would kill most other plants, but not this plant. This plant had sooooo much drive and will to live that instead of giving up it grew in the opposite direction of the blaze. While the roots could withstand the blazing inferno becoming one with the heat and pain Upon the journey away from the fire (society) the plant developed different characteristics colors and attributes that no other plant had. Essentially that journey completely changed that plants physiology Psychology and possible its genetic makeup altogether. Now that the plant has grown so far from the fire (Society) that its all alone. Now theres a different kind of fire where he once thought was safe. But as he grows back towards the fire to escape the new blaze (tyranny) he realizes he will never be able to be the same as the fire he grew so far away from. Now the only option the plant has with death being imminent is to grow as big and bright as quickly as possible before it is engulfed on all sides.

All this taken into account along with factoring in the two major belief structures in the world one Being Creation or Evolution (The Big BANG) this plant which has defied all odds still shines brightly displaying its colors and unique characteristics no matter how dark the room may be it still continues to bloom! Is this a Divine will and plan or are we experiencing the next step of Evolution??? My honest opinion is its both! For the mere ability to adapt and change and prevail in situations others couldn’t dream of or even have nightmares about is truly remarkable and in my eyes is an act of GOD! Just as any evolutionary step would be. The crazier part is… he has no handle!! Nothing to grab on to leaving no way for anyone to grab hold and control! AYE….

I thought this all might just be me being stubborn or simply an idiot until for some reason I opened up my meme App. Something I never open or even look at and the first thing that popped up was a picture and quote saying that many told Marilyn Monroe that she was only beautiful because of the clothes and dresses she wore. It then concluded Marilyn Monroe did a photoshoot in nothing but a burlap potato sack. The photos and the message she sent were completely opposite of that which was being said by spectators. Now!! As scrolled to the second meme I was expecting something funny!! That wasn’t the case what I saw next was the upcoming alignment of the two largest planets in the solar system Jupiter and Saturn. Not only does their alignment happen only every 20 years but the proximity of this occurrence to the earth as well as the proximity to each other hasn’t been the same for close to 800 years… What does it all mean… IDK but The Christmas Star is what their calling the alignment and if your familiar with the bible is the star that the kings, from other lands followed  to bring gifts to baby JESUS! Who knows what this alignment could usher in.?

So profound thought comes to me on a daily basis now it’s so strange the way that it comes it will just be momentary thoughts that will pass through my conscience and as they go by I latch on to it delve a little deeper and experience an overwhelming amount of… IDK what to call it but it feels very powerful so much so that it brings me to tears… I don’t know exactly what the future holds but I think that is what makes this so great! I just keep my mind open Like apple IOS Systems letting everything come and go as it pleases when something goes by that strikes me, I latch on and don’t let go. Its weird how it all happens.

Steve Jobs once said that if he had never had an acid trip that he would have never of come up with the operating system for Apple and after explaining to you what I do as a spiritual and destiny seeking process I believe was his thought process as well. This in of itself is what I think they mean when they say to keep an open mind. Just so you know I didn’t come up with that little bit about the late Mr. Jobs by plan it just came to me when thinking about how to have, use and keep an open mind.

The reason I explained this to you was because this is how I Pray! After I pray I sit still with an open mind allowing multiple ideas thoughts and perspectives to pass through my brain… until like an IOS operating system, something speaks to me… when I latch on to it, focus on what it means and what it will mean… “I Get Those Goosebumps Everytime” (Goosebumps, Travis Scott, feat. Kendrick Lamar, Birds in the Trap Sing Mcknight, 2016). This is how you know! A little extra for ya, when I went to look up the info for my first Hip Hop citation it was 11:11 lol there they go again… its really a cool feeling!

Can someone tell me if that APA or MLA…?? Ya know what!! Eff IT!! None of my writing is orthodox, besides I kinda like the way I did it haha

Kid Cudi’s new video just dropped and I couldn’t be more amazed with all of the hidden messages that are in there. He is officially the man on the moon. Passion pain and demon slaying like a maniac on the pursuit of happiness. Love that DUDE!!

That’s all I got for 12-16-2020 Five More Days…

LOVE & PEACE

Songs

Heaven On Earth – Kid Cudi

Goosebumps – Travis Scott, feat. Kendrick Lamar

Dirty Heads – Sound Of Change

 Just so you know the only thing I added this time other the cleaning up what I had already written was the praying part. Although I originally remember that being the purpose as to why I wrote what I did looking at it today March 2nd 2021 it wasn’t there… have a great day everyone. Ill post this on 3/3/2021

I've added parts to the story on my business cards and will leave then random places, what you do with them is up to you but I think It would be cool for those who want to stop me to have to work extra hard just like they make me!!  

LOVE

[killmongerkink]

Behind Closed Doors

Summary: Erik, your roommate and friend, comes home from work drained and sick. After heading off to bed, you awake to strange noises and follow them back to his room. Little did you know what you would find behind closed doors.

Pairing: Erik ‘Killmonger’ Stevens X Black!Reader

Warning: masturbation, dirty talk, a dash of smut.

Length: 4k

BTW: idk why this is so long, but i hope you all enjoy & please show this some love bc i’ve re-written this like 10 times already smh. sorry if there’s any spelling errors

Part 2

MASTERLIST

You stayed silent, swirling your fork continuously in your plate of spaghetti as you watched your roommate sniffle roughly for the tenth time, his eyes fighting to stay open. It really didn't make sense for him to be fighting his fate with sleep, yet here he was ... holding back yawns and rubbing his nose roughly with the back of his hand. "Well that's ... disgusting." You mumbled, sighing heavily as you reached over to grab him a tissue. "Why don't you just take some medicine and sleep it off?"

"I'm fine. It's nothing."

You really had no idea why this man insisted on being stubborn. You figured you could just ignore him for the rest of the night and go on about your business, but you knew you were way too nice to do that. If you did, you'd just be staring at your door the whole time, fighting the urge to make him some ginger tea or get him extra blankets. But you knew Erik. He wouldn't allow you to take care of him in the slightest. He was too big-headed, way too arrogant .. and simply a dumbass if you were being honest. He could be on the floor dying and he'd still tell you to leave him alone. You didn't understand his logic most of the time, but figured he was grown enough to make his own choices ... as dumb as they may be.

"You gonna stare me down all night?"

Snapping out of your thoughts, you blinked quickly and look back at your food. Another sniffle met your ears a second later, this one making you cringe at the sound of thick mucus filling the kitchen.

"That's it." You said more to yourself than him.

You moved towards the cabinet and opened it, hoisting yourself up on your tippy toes as you tried to reach for the top shelf. You really weren't thinking when you allowed him to talk you into getting this fancy ass condo together. While it was nice, the cabinets were way too tall, you could never clean the floor to ceiling windows and god forbid you even attempted to change a lightbulb around here. In the back of your mind, you figured he had purposely chose this apartment because it would allow you to need him. He was weird like that. As much as he would huff and puff when you would ask for his help with a simple task, you knew that he liked the feeling of being needed.

When you came to the conclusion that you were just embarrassing yourself, you plopped back down on your feet and looked at him.

"Are you gonna even help me?" You rolled your eyes, watching as he stared at you with a half bored, half amused expression.

"I'm good."

You were this close to telling him off, but decided against it. Fights with Erik never ended in your favor. Somehow he was always able to flip the script and make it your fault, having such a way with words that you would start to second guess yourself and your stance in any given situation.

"Well you better pray I don't fall and bust my head open, you know the cops won't hesitate to snatch your ass up."

Ending your smart ass of a comment with a smile, you turned back around and raised your leg, resting a knee on the counter as you struggled, but finally succeeded in pulling yourself up. The countertop dug into your knees painfully, making you sway back and forth in effort to not be on them too long and you snatched the medicine pack from the cabinet. Huffing out a sigh, you made zero effort to sit down lightly as you fell back onto your butt and turned your body, sitting down.

As you were checking the expiration date on the half empty box of DayQuil flu pills, you didn't notice Erik's gaze on you.

Matter fact, you never noticed his gaze on you.

You had seen the women he would associate himself with and you were the exact opposite. While they all had long hair down their backs, you opted to rock your natural hair in your usual braid out or space buns. While they all wore tight clothing that excentuated their curves and hips, you felt most comfortable in a big oversized t-shirt and sneakers. They would be bold and blunt with what they wanted from the world, while you just stayed in the cut and let life drag you wherever it wanted to. To say you were the opposite of his type was an understatement, but you learned to deal with it. Everyone had their own type and you just weren't his.

Although you wish you were.

Throughout your months of living together, you tied to date around and make him jealous, hoping that Erik would magically realize that he wanted you to himself and demand that you see no one else but him. And you would've happily obeyed to his demands, but once again .. that was a fairy tale you had conjured up in your head. You knew that he could never like someone like you, and after a while you began to accept that.

Erik had wanted to fuck with you the first day he ran into you. You had this innocent glow that he wanted to corrupt in the worse ways. He would notice you on campus being the perfect little student that everyone knew you to be. Other people, including himself, would walk into class late with just a pencil behind their ear and their phone. Yet, you'd be one of the few with a large book bag next to them as you had notes, paper, and books spread out in front of you ready to learn. While everyone stood at the university bulletin board looking for the latest club flyer, you were pulling off babysitting and tutoring ads.

You were different and he liked that. He knew that his chances of getting with you weren't really slim. He'd seen the way you'd look at him when you thought he wasn't watching, but you were one of the few females he was cool with. Fucking up a good friendship just for a quick nut was dumb, didn't mean he didn't think about you though.

Your body is what caught his attention at first. Short and super thick, like real thick. Smother me with your thighs thick, but you seemed to not appreciate your extra curves. You liked to cover up and wear baggy clothes, something that he found cute but also hated. On one rare occasion, you came to him and asked for his opinion on your outfit. There was some important presentation you had to attend and the attire was business casual. You walked into his room, giving him a complete 360 of your white blouse and fitted gray skirt, the dimples in your ass pronounced. He probably jerked off to that imagine about three times that night.

Honestly, you were his dream girl in every aspect, but you were too good for him. You actually had positive things going on in your life and a future that rivaled his own pointless one. One day you'd be some successful ass doctor, while he was still scrounging around and doing the same ol' same ol'.

"Here, take two of these and go lie down. Don't even try to say you're fine, because that damn snot bubble you're trying to keep down is saying otherwise." You said before he could even get out a breath and placed the tablets on a napkin for him.

You left the box on the counter, figuring that he would need some later and started to pick up the dirty dishes and place them into the sink. After about 30 minutes, all the leftovers were packed away, the dishwasher was running and the stove and counters were cleaned. Erik has mumbled under his breath all the way to his room after helping, but you could care less. Atleast you could go to bed knowing you had tried to help him get better.

After your nighttime routine was completed, you dropped own onto your bed and cuddled your pillow as you waited for the sandman to come and whisk you away for the night.

3:57 am

You stared at your phone as you laid still. The sound of a loud thump had pulled you from your sleep approximately 15 minutes ago and you had been hearing strange noises on and off since. It couldn't have been an intruder, could it? If you remembered correctly, Erik made sure to lock the door after he came in from work.

Still, someone could've been experienced with locks and was now roaming the apartment. Or maybe it was your neighbors who had kids? What if someone was attacking them? You decided to play it smart and text Erik first, for all you knew it could’ve been him.

Minutes went by without a reply back and you rolled your eyes. Every other night he was up doing god knows what, yet the one time where you needed him to be awake and alert, he wasn't?

"Answer your fucking phone." You whispered to yourself.

When you finally came to the conclusion that he was going to be of no help, you quietly got out of your bed, wincing as it croaked underneath you. Damn boxspring. You opened your side table and pulled out your bright pink taser. It was a gift from one of your girlfriends that was given as a joke, yet now you were thankful for her crazy ass. She'd definitely be proud to know that you were about to put it to good use. Bracing yourself, you said a silent prayer and cracked open your door, holding your breath as you waited for movement to catch your ear.

THUMP.

Being the dumbass that you were, instead of waiting for the intruder to come to you, you decided to be a bold bitch and leave the safety of your room. If this was a horror movie you would've been cursing at the lead. You never leave where you are, always let the killer come to you. Not thinking, you continued to follow the noise until you were stopped in front of a door ... Erik's door to be exact.

Was he hurt? Was someone in his room? Was he currently taking his last breath as you stood frozen in front of his door? With your finger on the trigger of your taser, you quickly opened his door hoping to catch whoever it was by surprise. Little did you know how much of a surprise you were actually in for.

Erik sat in front of his desk, headphones in both ears, eyes unmoving and trained on his iMac screen. His nostrils flared as his bottom lip was lodged under the top row of his teeth, the air releasing from his nose coming out loud and heavy. Trailing your eyes down lower, you were met with his naked upper half, the screen illuminating on his skin and making his scars look as if they were glowing. You tried to distract yourself by looking at his computer screen, but that was a mistake. The screen showed a girl that looked a lot like you on all fours, one of her hands underneath her she pumped her fingers into her pussy roughly, her face contoured in pleasure as you heard her moans through his headphones. You looked away, eyes fixated back on Erik's face and you fought internally not to look lower. A part of you deep down knew that there was no going back once you caught a peek, but you couldn't help it. You had to.

Taking a quick breath, your eyes shifted and you felt your knees buckle beneath you, your taser falling from your hands. Your eyes twitched momentarily as you blinked, unable to believe what you were seeing.

Was this a dream? Was this all some sick, twisted, extremely sexy dream that your mind had conjured up?

Erik's large hand was moving up and down in even strokes, his hand gripping the black fleshlight tightly and creating a vile squelching sound each time it swallowed his dick. Every once in a while the fleshlight would hit against the desk, creating the loud thump that had you worried earlier. His other hand was gripping his base, his fingers cupping his balls underneath as his hips started to roll upwards. A second later he pulled the toy off of him, opting to use both of his hands instead as he increased his pace, your eyes finally getting to see what he actually looked like. The view was better than anything you could've guessed. A thick broad vein ran along his shaft, the glare from the computer causing it to glisten and look as if it was dipped in sugar syrup, the fluid motion of both his hands gliding up and down with a good amount left abandoned every time he reached his head letting you know that it was big enough to choke on.

"Fuck baby.."

Your eyes snapped up and met his, his lip now released as he smirked at you, staring in your eyes. You shuffled back slightly, your hand gripping the doorknob tighter as another grunt met your ears. You were slightly embarrassed at being caught. Any normal person would've apologized profusely and slammed the door behind them, yet here you were. Your mouth opened to spill whatever random excuse you could think, your mind going into overdrive.

"Eri- .. I didn't mean to .. I was just-"

"You got a sexy ass mouth." He mumbled, turning his body suddenly so he was facing you head on. Slouching down in his chair, he spread his legs causing his sweatpants to lock around the top of his thighs, almost as if he was silently begging you to step forward.

Your mind was telling you leave and just deal with the awkward repercussions in the morning, but your feet seemed to have a mind of their own as you slowly walked towards him. No words were said between the both of you after that. He simply nodded down to the floor and the next thing you knew, your knees were digging into the plush carpet. It was almost as if he was a puppet master. With the flick of his finger or nod of his head, you were following his silent commands with no resistance. He kept looking at you as he reached over and pulled his headphones from the computer input, the sounds from the girl filling the air around you. You couldn't front, between her moans and his glare, you were turning into mush. Watching the grip he had on his dick had you desperately yearning to play with yourself, you hand rubbing against your thigh catching his attention and causing him to lick his lips.

He leaned his head towards you, his dreads casting shadows over his face.

"Bout time you came. I been waiting for you."

Having him so close to you made you want to shrink away and disappear. You had been around Erik long enough to see the kind of effects he had on girls. The amount of drama that females had gone through the get his attention was wild. Switching up on their friends, changing their appearance, one even went as far as quitting her job just so she could spend the week with him in Miami. Bitches were crazy, or maybe it was Erik who was making them that way.

"You came to take care of me again? Always going out of your way to make sure I'm straight. You a good lil bitch huh?"

You mouth hung open, the thoughts in your head mimicing someone smashing their hands on a computer keyboard. If anyone else was to talk to you like this, you were pretty sure you would've gave them a dirty look and tell them to back the fuck up, but for some reason, hearing those words come from Erik's mouth made you moaning mess.

Literally.

Catching what you were doing, you felt embarrassment bubble inside of you. What was wrong with you? Were you really getting turned on by this man calling you a bitch? Coming to terms with it, you accepted that you were. There was a tiny part of you buried deep down that always fantasized about someone calling you names, treating you like a rag doll as they filled every hole you had. You just didn't think this someone would be Erik.

"You like that?" He watched as you nodded your head, a chuckle leaving his lips and his hand quickly gripped your face, causing your lips to pucker like a blow fish. "Always knew you were a freak."

Without another word, he pulled you forward causing you to shuffle quickly and grab onto the handles on his desk chair in order not to fall. You were pulled right up to his dick, the large statue staring back at you menancingly before it was being rubbed against your lips. You let him entertain himself for a while, enjoying the feeling of him getting off to your plush sets. You fixed them into suction cups, sucking the skin as he bucked his hips up and down, your tongue pressing against him and your lips spreading the wetness around him.

It was then that a sniffle met your ears, causing you to remember the events from the night before. You looked up at him, holding back your smile when you saw his red nose, which was extremely cute if you had to be honest. You moved back, softly moving his hands away and grabbing him fully in yours. He hissed when you started twisting your hand around his length. He was warm .. almost hot. How long had he been masturbating?

"You sick and all you could think about was jerking off?"

"All I could think about was you. I caught what you were doing earlier.” Caught of guard, your hand halted for a spare second, face twisted in confusion. All you did earlier was make dinner, like you usually did since he couldn't cook anything more than rice and ramen. You went to reply and ask what he was talking about when he rested his hand over yours, the both of your hands now working together over his length.

"Climbing up on the counter in just your t-shirt, ass hanging out at the bottom. You think you slick?"

"I didn't know it was out.."

He chuckled, like a real genuine chuckle, as if it was the funniest thing he'd heard all day.

"Come here girl."

You assumed you were moving too slow, because only a second or two later he was lifting you up and situating you onto his lap, your thighs pressing against the chair handles. You remembered when he had ordered this big ass gaming chair, claiming the plushed back support was worth the grand he'd spent on it. There were so many things you could've spent a thousand dollars on and it for damn sure wasn't no chair, but it did come in handy. With its wide handles and large seat, you were more than comfortable even with your large thighs pressed against the sides. He bounced his legs roughly, the force causing your breast to bounce against your chest. If someone were to tell you that you'd be sitting in his lap, hand wrapped around his dick on a Tuesday night.. you would've laughed. A real hearty one as if you were watching a Katt Williams special. Yet, here you were. You couldn't believe it.

"What are we doing?" The question came from your lips in a soft whisper, almost as if you were scared for his answer. A part of you were. Maybe he would sit back and realize just how crazy this whole situation was before pushing you off and telling you to get out. Maybe he'd realize that you were still the same girl you'd always been and ask you what the fuck you were doing in his room. All of the negative things he could've responded with ran through your head. Why did you have to ask that?

"What you think we doing?" He leaned his head back, eyeing you. Before you could think of what to say, he reached and started scrolling on the computer.

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you." You looked at him annoyed, going to grab his hand away from the mouse, just for him to move it quickly. Here you were trying to talk to him and he thought the computer was more important?

"I don't want us regretting this in the morning. We fucking live together Erik, we’re supposed to be friends. This is gonna be so awkward.. oh my gosh."

Looking past your lust momentarily, you realized just how messy this was. Everyone knew that friendships couldn't work after hooking up. Sure, people would fake the funk and act like they were buddy buddy after, but you knew the truth. It would be weird and uncomfortable. You'd slowly start hanging out less, one of you always busy and out the house, no longer able to hold conversations with one another. Eventually one of you would have to move out, there was no question about it. God forbid you had to move back in with your parents, not even to mention how many questions they would have. Maybe you could find a new place, or try to get something on campus .. or- sound coming from his speakers caught you off guard.

You turned to the right and watched as the PornHub logo popped up before the video started. It was of a black couple, the girl sitting on the guys lap as he rubbed her ass. They started making out heavily, the girls moans ringing through as the man started to roughly grope her.

"Nothing's gonna go left. I ain’t gonna let you get away from me so easily, trust me. Just relax and let me take care of you like you take care of me. Now start stroking." Erik wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you into him as he kissed your forehead, casting them down towards your nose and lips before detouring towards your neck.

Your blurry eyes set on the large screen, taking in the sight before you and realizing he was pretty much mimicking them. When a loud slap rang through the room, Erik would make sure to follow it up with a slap of his own. When the couple would kiss loudly, Erik would grab you by the neck and kiss you roughly, tongue all in your mouth and down your throat as his lips pretty much covered yours.

"How many times have you watched this?" You trembled, goosebumps forming against your skin as your eyes closed momentarily. Your body was way too worked up and you could tell he was too by the amount of pre cum that had leaked from his head onto your hand, his wetness coating him everytime you caressed him. He was too busy fondling with your pussy from the back to answer. His middle finger dipping perfectly between your lips and leaving barely there touches against your clit.

"Enough to know I wanna fuck you like that." His finger bypassed the material of your underwear and finally slipped in, your body shuddering as you started rolling your hips. One finger wasn't enough and you were pretty sure two would just barely itch the scratch you had built up. His command to “open your fucking eyes” caused you to look back at the screen, seeing the couples positions now flipped. The girl laid back on the seat, her legs in the air as the man positioned his dick at her entrance, one long stroke allowing him to enter as the girl cursed profusely.

"Dreamed of fucking you in this chair, your ass hanging off it as your knees press against your chest, big ass titties bouncing for me."

"Must be a dream cause I'm not that flexible." You joked, earning a bite at your earlobe.

"You'd be surprised what the body can do when the right one handles it."

taglist: @chaneajoyyy @softnani @iamrheaspeaks @thehomierobbstark @honeytoffee @madamslayyy @destinio1 @theogbadbitch @supersizemeplz @amethyst1993 @bakarisangel @marvelpotterlove

[a-baleful-howl]

When I sat down to finish this up, I discovered my dog had been horribly sick all over the house and he’s been acting sick since then. Today his balance seems to be off and I have to carry him everywhere. :( so I’ve been busy dog-sitting and worrying. Positive thoughts to my doggo right now, and I’m sorry this is a little late.

Thoughts on 8.04

Opening shots: Dany’s moral compass(Jorah) is gone, and Sansa “makes” Theon a Stark (will this come in handy later??? For Jon??? 👀👀Will Sansa have to give him her name???)

Seeing little Lyanna lying there legit makes me cry. She was too young. 😞 it’s very interesting they chose Lyanna to be the one associated with Jon here.

ARYAS GONNA MARRY A LORD LIKE NED PROMISED.

OH SHIT. NEVERMIND.

So, Robert Baratheon rightfully won the Iron Throne by conquest. Technically, now that Dany made Gendry legitimate, that makes Gendry the rightful heir, right? Did Dany just fuck up? (And does Sansa know it?)

Sansa saying “I believe in you.” OH YES GO ON.

(Side note, why is Jon so reluctant to get drunk? Does he want to keep his wits about him? Still on guard? Why so resistant?)

Jon and Dany making eyes. Oh man, Sansa left quickly. (Ahahaha Jonsa hint. ;) )

This episode seems to really be focusing on Sansa being jealous and being in love with Jon. She doesn’t want him to leave. Even after they leave, Sansa still assumes Jon will come back to Winterfell. When Tyrion tells her he probably won’t come back and he’ll stay in KL with Dany, Sansa realizes a way to prevent that from happening. She doesn’t want to lose Jon.

Davos wonders where the fuck the Lord of Light went. Well, Varys is prophesied to die in this land, so either Dany is going to kill him for turning on her, or maybe the Lord of Light is going to involved in that in some sort of way.

ALSO, the Lord of Light brings people back for a reason. Beric was to save Arya, and since Arya killed the NK and not Jon, why was Jon brought back? What’s his purpose? Will the Lord of Light be involved in taking down another “big bad”...ie Daenerys? What was Jon’s purpose for being brought back if not to kill the Night King?

There’s several Dark!Dany/Mad Queen hints in this episode. I can barely hide my shit eating grin when all these haters have to eat their words. Dany is more interesting as a villain, guys. But I do feel like the writers have tried very hard up until now to be gentle with her character and make her likeable again. Would they do that so strongly in episodes 1-4 only to swiftly turn her dark for the last 2? Idk...

AWW MY TORMUND. I LOVE YOU. I WOULD NEVER ABANDON YOU AND MAKE YOU CRY.

I know this whole Tormund, Brienne and Jaime triangle is a bit controversial, but I’m here for it. I like the dynamic and it’s some much needed comedic relief. I like the TormundxBrienne dynamic for what it is. He’s madly in love with her and it’s unreciprocated. I like the fact that Jaime and Brienne finally got a little bit of happiness together. I like all of this. None of it really bothers me. Even Tormund crying and saying “his heart is broken.” I like it for what it is.

I know I’m firmly in the Sansa Stark Defense Squad, and I love Sansa and always have - but Brienne is my favorite character GRRM has created. Her backstory. Her motivations. The fact that she’s a woman-fighter that doesn’t fall into all the typical “not like other girls” tropes like Arya does. I really love Brienne as a character and every time I think of her and the fact that she still wants love but is afraid of it breaks my heart and makes me love her even more.

So, Season 8 is still going through Sansa suitors. First TheonSa. Then SanRion. Now SanSan. Basically fanservice for the shippers, while also tying them up nice and tidy for Jonsa to win out in the end.

I’m loving this party. I want to be at a Winterfell party. Reminds me of a scene in my fic I can’t wait to post and I honestly want to live in it.

Hi. So. Are D&D arentlly shit writers and the directors and actors have been picking up the slack for the last 3 seasons?

(I wrote this while watching the episode, and I can’t remember what it was a direct response to. I guess it was in response to the Dany/Jon chamber scene. Which initially completely threw me for a loop. If Jon just needed to deceive Dany long enough to defeat the NK, well, that’s now done. If Jon only was “with” Dany because he didn’t know they were related and he thought he and Sansa were related, well...that’s over with too.

I came to the decision that Jon is trying to stick to his word. He vowed himself to Dany is exchange for her help and he’s trying to be honorable and keep that promise. His whole schtick is that he’s true to his word, etc, etc.

But still...Is he supposed to be in love with her? Why is THIS the very first time I felt like he actually wanted to be with her?? Why NOW? The scene eventually goes to Dark!Dany at least, but leading up to it really really threw me for a loop.)

So Jon staring Sansa down in the planning room means *something*. Jon tried to convey a message to her in that moment. What that message was, or if she understood, I can’t say. He’s definitely telling her to back down and possibly telling her “Trust Me.” Which has been their whole arc.

Like I said on Sunday, this episode felt like a personal rollercoaster of emotions. I was so excited when Dany made Gendry a Lord for the GendryxArya implications, only to have that expectation dashed. I was thoroughly confused and bothered by Jon for this ENTIRE EPISODE. I felt that Rheagals death was a little too lackluster that I’m not sure if I even fully believe him to be dead at this point. With Jaime and Brienne I was laughing, and wailing, and then sad. I’m excited to see the payoff for Varys and Tyrion worrying about Dany that first began in season 7. And I was mad about Missandei’s last words.

So Jon’s behavior had be confused - and honestly a little worried. That was until @lordcommandertomsnow messaged me “Jonsa is endgame” and reenforced that this episode clearly highlighted that Sansa is in love with Jon. So even though I didn’t like seeing Jon act this way this episode, I’m still all in for a Jonsa endgame. She’s being prepped up so much now she’s the only person who seems likely to be good for the Realm.

Oh, last note. Dark!Dany was hyped up. Sansa in love with Jon was hyped up. And Jon belonging in the North was hyped up. So, he’s definitely coming back North. He can’t stay in the South for long.

[quanticlub]

Long Lore Rant

... Needs to be reformatted into something pretty rip

Background:

Aight so as per the great and infallible wikipedia, Taoist cosmology states that everything started with wújí and then created yǒu jí. The former means limitless and comes from the words "nothingness" and "reaching the end" ... so nothingness at the end aka no boundaries

the latter was the limited. it's only briefly mentioned as its conception brought on a polarity to the universe - yin and yang

taiji itself is the boundary embodied by you-ji with respect to the infinite wuji and represents the Absolute

The split into yin and yang has a the connotations listed above in the pic ((except... for tikki and plagg the feminine vs masculine seem to be switched cuz from the description, tikki is more closely associated with yang)). Yang is represented by one long dash –– while yin is two small broken ones - - . Now, in the middle column where there are category names for what yin and yang represent the wu xing category (elements, second from the bottom) has earth listed as neither. It also doesn't include air, which the wu xing doesnt include in general but is included by almost every other major culture when classifying the elements.

Kwami Origins: Null

In the beginning there was a great big nothingness and then came a tiny blip of umm... everythingness? making the Absolute. This gave the nothingness and everythingness a consciousness. (wow lots of -ness words here). The nothingness part of the absolute became Null. The everythingness got no name cuz it quickly split off into the rest of creation.

Null's concept art is a three-eyed little creature with two kwami tendrils.  I propose Null as the glowing white kwami they originally made but with all black eyes and The Other One as the all black kwami but with glowing white eyes. The prior emptiness/nothingness was energy while the delineation/everythingnes was matter(?). when they created the Absolute, parts of themselves mixed i na typical yin-yang fashion, thus the eyes being like those of the others. This gave them power over the nature of the other sorta???? hard to explain

 For Null, he had power over mass, time, and space - matter is anything that has mass and takes up space at a given moment. The Other One (imma call them Higgs bc of the Higgs boson particle but it wouldnt be the real name) had power over tendencies of energy*. So. energy can be used up to build something (creative force - in human metabolism it's an anabolic reaction), released to tear something apart (destructive force - in human metabolism it's a catabolic reaction). bBt it can also be stored/dissipate with no specific purpose, instead being available for all sorts of possible things later (chaotic force?)

idea is that Higgs, upon consciousness, sacrificed themselves to give rise to existence. The Big Bang. they justs sorta fucked off to become a bunch of cool rocks/stardust floating in space and initiated the course of time (which could theoretically be split into different timelines? idk time travel is weird and this is superfluous to my current ramble)

the three aspects of Null that Higgs had gained powers from became concepts that would gain sentience of their own. The yin and yang markings are, technically, three lines. not two. cuz yin is split ( –– vs - - ).

* = this bit's a little less science-y except for keeping with the triad thing bc neutron, electron, and proton

Three, Not Two: Tikki, Plagg, & ...Hexx?

I imagine Null took up the developing concepts and nurtured them sorta. like they were incubating under Null's protection. Tikki emerged out of Null's sphere first; she had the most power from Higgs though all three were pretty closely matched. she was the creative force. 

Plagg came out of Null's sphere last. He was the destructive force. Sorta. It was actually coser to... decay?  Plagg is really more of a kwami of decay than destruction. He doesnt just obliterate things, he accelerates their decomposition. when his powers act on metal, for instance, it rusts. thats not destruction it's just the wear-and-tear expected to happen over time. Destruction as a concept opposite to that of Creation and Order involves more entropy and plagg really isnt as chaotic as would be expected. While he represents destruction in the sense that the thing is ceasing to function as a unit, the chaos would fall more under hexx.

The third force, the one that embodied possibility, was too erratic. they got out of Null's care first but remained in the sphere for a while longer. they didn't get out til after Tikki. I'm thinking maybe  emerged from Null's domain just a few seconds before Plagg (time is still wonky at this point). while Tikki is yang ( –– ), Plagg and #3, henceforth referred to as Hexx, are both yin ( - - ). Plagg is slightly weaker cuz he was "overcooked" and Hexx was "undercooked". Tikki came out just right like a yummy batch of cookies ;)

While Plagg is the biggest cuz he stayed with Null for so long, Hexx is the smallest. Even more so than Tikki but only by a little. I was thinking of him looking like a mix of Tikki and Plagg. More cat-like but with red accents and maybe blue eyes instead of green.

That’s the gist of it with a quick reminder note that time still affects kwamis differently like they mentioned in Sandboy or whatever. so they might be around ten billion years old be the time earth shows up but theyve been very immature. like little kids. and unlike kids that go to school to learn how things work, they were given immense amounts of power and 0 instruction so they have to figure out what they can do, what their identity is, and what purpose they want to have in existence

Tikki has a very do-good attitude and wants to help (even if shes proven sometimes she doesnt give the best advice) and be a Good Kwami. But Plagg isn't a bad kwami. The opposite of love isn't hate after all; it's apathy. Plagg just doesnt really care and will follow Tikki around bc he enjoys her company and his primary concern is himself. Oblivio was a good example of this cuz he's like "no fuck you whats in it for me" but still gets affected by tikki's words and comes back to do as she says eventually.

Hexx would be the "bad apple" though kwamis dont really have moralities cuz those were human constructs and are incredibly subjective. He wouldnt be hatred in the analogy with love, but rather fire-y emotions that are still more negative. quick anger and stuff. usually happy go-lucky. temperamental goes with the nature of being THE force of chaos. while he doesnt wanna help necessarily, he still wants to DO. he's the one that instigates mischief and wants to fuck around for the fun of it.

Making the Miraculous

So from the dinosaur ordeal we know the kwamis DID have effects on earth, but they couldnt consistently intervene - at least not in a controlled fashion. and they couldnt really communicate with humans cuz different field of existence. but their presence became known even if the humans didnt know what they were exactly

the set from the miracle box was made my a mage in china for the purpose of conquests. Hexx’s mischief and meddling probably gave the humans access to the magic/knowledge/whatever they’d need for making the Miraculous. The pitch to get these baby gods to agree was that tikki would have greater control of her powers and could communicate and help! tikki was down. It seemed like a Good Thing and she wanted to do good. Plagg was meh but might as well cuz tikki insisted. hexx wasn't convinced. they werent warned theyd be confined to the miraculous and essentially trapped. plaggs agreement was more out of ignorance of this fact. he figured he could make tikki happy but still fuck off to do what he wanted. never imagined that he'd be subject to another's will. 

tikki was happy regardless bc very young (developmentally) and naive and honestly believing that the human knew best and it's what was best for both the kwamis and humanity. she had so much power her jewel had to be split into two - thus, earrings. all other kwamis inhabit a singular miraculous.

when hexx was being trapped it was against his will, unlike plagg and the others. he fought it. he still got trapped but the miraculous wasnt like the others. the nature was different... it was corrupted. Cue: cursed miraculous(es) ((still not sure of the plural)). If he has to suffer then by Null so do the humans who did this. Thus the name Hexx. Opened the option for kwamis to try to fight it or go for it. Werewolves perhaps stem from a group of cursed canid kwamis? The Miracle Box is basically the kwamis who were aight with the idea but other cursed kwamis exist. 

The nature of a miraculous depends on the "recipe" used to make the jewels and the kwami's receptiveness to being basically enslaved. The Miracle Box miraculous were all made by the same mage mentioned earlier so they had the same recipe so to speak. All the kwamis in the miracle box fall under yin or yang. Including the elements. So the Zodiac and Wu Xing kwamis are all in either tikki or plagg's domains. Except for one. I propose trixx as the exception, even if they dont fit the traits of earth. i was thinking for the other supporting kwami to hexx there could be one that also refused to join the mage... the kwami representing air (wu xing is basically the only philosophy without air as an element in some shape or form). Possible name: Jinxx, a crow. The fox/crow/cat are all typical tricksters in myths. 

The way the kwamis’ powers can be manipulated varies and the cursed kwamis offer the least control to their wielders - and the greatest side effects. I imagine jinxx just fucks off to follow hexx's miraculous, wherever it may be. Hexx is closer to the original curse on pv chat noir... the curse is possibly activated and summoned by the use of tikki or plagg's powers outside their miraculous? And dormant after death of wielder or kiss from LB or something. So that would mean Plagg activated him in style queen and then helping him get a better location/target with the smaller cataclysm in i think catalyst (when he's like "ive been practicing!).

Together, plagg and tikki have that OP wish granting ability but they cant truly summon Null to the this dimension without Hexx, who adamantly refuses. it's not like Hexx's miraculous can be stolen cuz it's cursed onto the subject. As a summary of combined powers... Tikki + Plagg = wish granting? ... Hexx + Tikki = good luck ... Hexx + Plagg = bad luck ... cuz Hexx is about possibility and consequences. So creation-related effects tend to manifest as what humans deem to be good while destruction-related ones are seen as bad.

Hexx Making an Appearance

For the current Mari/Adri plot I thought of Hexx cursing Felix or sth and bringing him onto the hero scene. Comes with the benefit of jealous CN. Maybe a scene where cat-ish Felix tells Chat Noir that he’s not interested in LB, only Mari and they have some sorta agreement to respect that (would work best in the half brother’s thing if Adri found out). All hell would break loose if/when LBs identity came out.

 Also I like the idea of Hexx having been locked in Pandora's jar with other angry ~cursed~ miraculous and the others immediately fucked off and scattered their miraculous but Hexx remained. possibility and consequence does not mean bad things. it's the uncertainty of the future that allows for hope, which is what pandora found. the greek tales also have varying connotations on whether finding hope was a blessing or a curse depending on how you looked at it

[temporarilyinorder]

1-100💕

You’re lucky I love you so much

Sunrise or sunset?- SunsetAre you mentally ill?- Kinda?Are you physically ill?- Fortunately notWhat is the most expensive thing you have bought?- With my own money? Probably a gift for someoneDo you have a job?- Not currentlyAre you in school?- YesAre you a dropout?- NoAre you in college?- NoIntrovert or extrovert?- yeahWhat do you think when you look at your body?- Idk it’s pretty lit. I’m strong, I’m healthy, I’m a reasonable height… no issues reallyWhat have others said when they look at your body?- lol my girlfriend likes it but idk what anybody else has saidDo you have a particular song that you feel deeply?- There’s a looooot but maybe Stay by Mayday Parade?Talk about a time in your life where you have felt most alive?- this is always a difficult question because I’ve felt alive a lot of times, but I’ve gotta nerd out and say that I felt pretty damned invincible and alive when somebody hung a medal around my neck this past winterguard season idk judge meAre you confident wearing a bikini?- Ah no? LolCan you look people in the eyes while talking?- Yeah! I prefer toHas anything terrible happened to you?- yeahHas anything wonderful happened to you?- Yeah! I got guard captain for my final season!!Favorite part of your personality?- Incredulous sense of sarcasmLeast favorite part of your personality?- Speak my mind too often, hurtsFavorite part of your body?- Eyes? Stomach? Arms? Hands? IdkLeast favorite part of your body?- My hips? I guess?Favorite quote?- This too shall pass.Do you have friendships with all genders?- Basically lolDo you have a good relationship with your father?- VeryDo you have a good relationship with your mother?- Fairly? Meh?Do you have a good relationship with your siblings?- My step brother and I are literal friends, my half brother is a dick but I don’t hate him I guessHave you ever been hurt physically or mentally by a family member?- When I was younger that was how I learned hahaHave you ever had a near death experience?- I don’t think so but maybe? IdkDo you know anyone who has taken their own life?- YeahHave you ever tried to take your own life?- NoBiggest lie you have told?- I’ll be fineDo you follow any conspiracies?- If Shane Dawson makes a video about it than I’m all over that shitDo you believe in a New World Order?- blehDo you respect your government and the way your country is run?- that’s fucking hilarious my dudeIs there currently any strife in your country?- 🙃Have you ever been displaced within your country?- luckily notAre your friendships healthy?- Now they areAre you currently fighting with a friend?- NoAre you jealous of a friend? Why?- NopeDo you believe in the Illuminati?- kindaDo you think any celebrities are associated with the Illuminati? Who?- Beyoncé? IdkHow can people tell you are nervous?- I look around the room a lot and my leg shakes and I don’t answer very quickly, also play with my hands or necklaceHow can people tell you are sad?- blank stare, quietDo you ever express your true feelings?- I really don’t know. The only true feeling I guarantee I express is the love I have for my girlfriend and color guardRegrets in your life?- Letting my best friend emotionally fuck me up and then let her think it was okayAchievements in your life?- CAPTAINNNNN and a bunch of writing awardsWhat did people say about you in school?- they called me fat and weird and gay but I never really gave a fuck I had my 2 or 3 friends so I was set What did you say about people in school?- nothing muchIs there something you have never told anyone?- I have to eat french fries in sets of 2Have you committed an illegal act?- plentyIf you had two days to spend one million dollars how would you spend it?- Two days isn’t enough but with more time I would take @ununhexium to Disney World, going to Europe, and building a tiny house. Leftover spending would be put into savings.What were your aspirations at age 5, 10, 15, 18?- Vet, Artist, Writer, Video ProducerDescribe your first kiss? Was it how you imagined?- lol so I went on a cruise at 13 and over the course of five days I managed to single out one cute girl, spend half of my time with her, and then she kisses me while fall out boy was playing on the last night. She fuckin knew she was my first kiss too haha, and honestly? I didn’t imagine it going down like that at all. When I was little I always thought it would either be at a school dance or like, outside of a convenience store, or over a game of spin the bottle. I was very burdened by cliches as a kidGrowing up were you in a wealthy, average, or low income household?- My dad was fairly wealthy, but I lived with my mom, and we were extremely low income. She only worked odd jobs at retail stores… luckily her boyfriend loves us like his own kids so he’s helped us since thenAre you from a broken marriage?- My parents were never marriedHave you been raised by a solo parent?- Technically? But no..? Haha idk how to answer, you get the gistDo you know both your parents?- YesWhat colour eyes, hair and skin do you have?- Blue/Gray eyes, natural blonde hair (currently blue), Caucasian/white skinHave you abused drugs or alcohol?- Nope.What languages can you speak?- English, .2% French, attempting to learn ASLDo you conform to your societies standards?- Not quiteDo you cry often?- VeryDo you tell people what you think of them?- BrutallyAre you comfortable accepting compliments?- No I hate themAre you comfortable giving compliments?- Meh I guess yeah. My girlfriend gets them all hahaIs any mental illness hindering your life?- Yeah. I’m recovering from some form of emotional abuse, and it kinda… really fucks me up weekly or so. Just ask my girl haha she usually has to witness itIs any physical illness hindering your life?- Luckily not. I bind daily so my ribs are always a little sore, but other than that I’m fairly healthyDo you keep up with current events?- Kinda?What’s the latest news in the world you have heard/read?- This guy killed his wife while they were on a cruise to Alaska because she was laughing at himWhat have you done today?- went to get coffee for a friends birthday, went to the batting cages with my brother, came home to my dads and ate chineseDo you sleep well?- usuallyDo you sleep badly?- nahHave you ever hurt anyone because you were hurting?- yeah and I hate myself for it every minute of every dayHas anyone ever hurt you because they were hurting?- yeahHave you ever had to end a friendship/relationship? Why?- lol YUP, because after months of putting up with what I thought was just somebody with a temper, I realized that they were REALLY screwing up my head and manipulating me and abusing how forgiving I was to keep pulling me back in. I left because she only ever played the victim and put dents in my relationship. She’s done this to people before me too, and I’m not sure if it’ll stop following me eitherHave you ever stopped someone from hurting themselves?- yeah, said ex friendHas anyone ever stopped you from hurting yourself?- yes? kinda? I don’t purposely hurt myself physically but I do have OCD from my mom and pick at scabs a lot when i feel them, and I scratch at the back of my neck when I’m anxiousDo you like your laugh?- It’s just a laugh idk lolAre you preparing for an apocalypse? And what kind?- ZOMBIEEESSSSS but not currently no lolDo you have any funny family stories?- one time when my brother was a toddler I told him to hurry up in the bathroom because I had to pee and when he came out he said “I left the seat up for you”… I don’t have a penis lolAre you religious?- mehDo you like to watch true crime shows or movies?- mehAre you interested in cults?- from a distance yesWould you like to raise a family in your country?- I’m not sureList some things you wanted in your childhood but never got?- A TREEHOUSE UGH I HAD ONE WISHIs there a large age gap between you and a sibling?- I think 4.5 years is the biggest one so not reallyAre you from a blended family?- NopeDo you believe in marriage? Why/Why not?- Yeah totally, just make sure you prenup that shitWhat is the nicest thing anyone has said to you?- I can’t recallDo you keep a journal?- I used to, and I plan on starting up againWould anyone be hurt by reading it?- MaybdDo you have children?- Just my hedgehogHave you been pregnant?- NooooList your favorite movies?- Zombieland, American Ultra, The Perks of Being a WallflowerList your favorite people?- Claire, Melissa, Kate, Danielle, Ceara, Lynn Gunn, TSwift lolTalk about the birthmarks and scars on your body?- I have a little brown birthmark on my palm, and a quarter sized pink scar on my left kneecapDo you look after yourself?- EhDo you put yourself or others first?- Others, to most extentsAre you happy today?- I have mixed emotions and anxiety lolAre you loved?- Very 😇

[nervous-pacing]

waiting for the end

pairing: reader x taehyung, reader x namjoon (kind of?? its not a love story idk afkjbakd)

genre: angst (i guess), au

word count: 2.3k

Summary: Tomorrow, you and everyone you know will die.

warnings: recreational drug (marijuana) use, mentions of death, alluding to death, generally not a nice topic lol

a/n: i just remembered this account still exists. the first part and first few paragraphs of the second part have been in my drafts for over a year. the rest i wrote in the last hour. posted as is (unedited). will probably maybe edit/rewrite and post on my fan account one day. bAsically this is a draft lol

You stumble into class late after sleeping through your alarm and you’re a bit surprised to see that no one so much as glances in your direction as the door slams shut behind you. Your professor doesn’t make one of her usual snide remarks about your tardiness - in fact, she barely notices when you say good morning and quietly apologize for being late again.

“Who died?” you mumble as you slide into your seat near the window, gazing outside at the melting snow. Momentarily, your eyes linger on a mother trailing behind a child on a leash and you roll your eyes at the sight. Children are not dogs, you think to yourself before turning your attention to your silent lab partners and the untouched materials on the table.

“Seriously guys, why’s everyone so quiet?” you ask, voice faltering near the end because suddenly you’re not sure you want to hear the answer.

Namjoon, the boy sitting across from you, finally breaks the silence in the room. “No one yet,” he says, looking not at you but through you.

Your movements falter but you’re able to collect yourself to avoid accidentally dropping your goggles onto the table. “What?” you say, focused on getting them to fit over your thick rimmed glasses.

“You asked who died,” Namjoon says, and the graveness in his voice, matched by the detached look on his face, makes you pay a little more attention to him. “And I said no one yet.”

You wait for him to elaborate, and you want to ask him to explain but for some reason, your throat has gone dry. No one else makes any attempt to say anything. They all stare blankly at their hands or out the window or at nothing in particular.

When the news hits you, you are taken aback. You sit in silence, hand covering your open mouth as you listen to a man in a suit talk about where to go and what to do next. How to make the physical impact hurt less.

No one talks about emotions.

“100 percent chance of impact...”

You cringe at the words he speaks, imagining how you might feel when you wake up tomorrow morning. If you wake up tomorrow morning. You know the chance of living through what is to come is slim, and you hope for your own sake that you die quickly.

Your thoughts drift to your sisters and what they might be doing back at home. If they’re at school watching the news or if your parents have brought them home so they can all spend their last few hours together.

A pang of guilt spreads throughout your chest as you think of how awful you’ve been to your parents, and how a last minute apology is all you can offer them to make up for it. If you drive fast enough you might be able to get home and see them for a while.

You are thankful to have Lisa sitting beside you because without her physical support you’d probably be in a heap on the ground. You can only imagine how she must feel, being thousands of miles away from her family.

“You okay?” you ask, turning around briefly to see her face. It is only then that you realize she is trembling. Her lunch sits in front of her, untouched, as her hands her shake against the tabletop. Temptation gnaws at you; to reach out or not reach out. What can you offer her, in this moment, that will do her any good? You dare not say more out of fear of being too lighthearted. You’ve always been the person who laughs at the most inappropriate moments and you’re too close to the end to bother trying to change yourself. What good would it do?

Thankfully there’s a commotion coming from across the cafeteria, and you turn around to see Taehyung standing on a table with his shirt hanging from his fingertip. “If anyone wants to admit their undying love for me, now’s the time!” He is met with humorless laughter and expressionless faces, but the smile never leaves his face. “I guess no one heard me. I said-,” and he cups his hands around his mouth for dramatic effect, “-if anyone wants to admit their undying love for me, now is the time to do so!” He is ushered off the table and chased out of sight by an overweight campus security guard. You’ve never seen one of them do their job before. Of course now they decide to do what they’re supposed to, when none of it matters anymore.

“Are you going to eat that?” you ask, returning your attention to a hyperventilating Lisa. It doesn’t matter. Tomorrow, she will be dead. You don’t wait for her to respond, not because you know she’s not going to answer but because you don’t care. It doesn’t matter if she answers or not. Who is going to stop you from taking the perfectly ripe mango out of her lunch bag? She’s staring into space, probably imagining how the end of the world will look from her 8th story window. You take her mango and wordlessly leave the table.

“You know I was gonna write my thesis paper about the apocalypse?” Namjoon’s voice is a whisper in the wind beside you. It’s windy as fuck. A side effect of the imminent end of the world, you think to yourself. Perhaps it’s just the regular mid autumn chill.

“What’s your major?” Taehyung asks, flippantly. He probably doesn’t care. Namjoon was not and will never be his friend. From what you know, the two had never spoken to each other until you brought them together this afternoon for a last minute quad smoke sesh.

“Environmental studies.”

Silence ensues. You’re not surprised at his answer, though you always assumed he was more of a liberal arts nerd rather than a science nerd. When you look up, they’re both staring at you.

“Um, I’m a social work student,” you say quietly, assuming they’re waiting for an answer.

Taehyung scoffs, rolls his eyes. “Aw, bet you wanted to save the world, huh?” He reaches over and plucks the unlit blunt from your fingers. Color rises to your cheeks now that you understand why they’d been staring. No one cares about your major; they’re just trying to get high. If this had happened yesterday, you would’ve been offended by his words. Now, all you can do is laugh and nod. You did want to save the world. Still do.

“I’m a psych major, for what it’s worth.” Taehyung lights up. You imagine him standing in front of a class giving a presentation about the role of biology in psychology.

“No one asked,” Namjoon says with the same amount of enthusiasm he’s had all afternoon.

“I put in my withdrawal papers yesterday,” Taehyung adds. Now he really has your attention. “College was never my thing.” He’s hogging the blunt but it doesn’t matter because you have half a goddamn mason jar’s worth of it tucked away in your bag, specifically brought out for this occasion. No use in hoarding or hiding it anymore, not when today is the last day you’ll be able to smoke it.

“I called my parents this morning to tell them,” Taehyung continues, “right before the news came on. They were so disappointed they hung up on me. I turned my phone off and I’m not turning it back on.” He looks sober and old, the way you’d expect a college aged kid who’s high off his ass to look.

“Payback?” you ask, thinking about all your missed calls, the growing number of texts and voice messages you refuse to open or listen to. What’s the point?

“I don’t do all that lovey dovey shit.” He passes what’s left of the blunt to Namjoon, who gives him a dirty look before throwing it over his shoulder. You finally reveal what’s in your bag and they look at you with a desire that makes you feel powerful. You consider confessing your undying love to Taehyung, knowing he wouldn’t call your bluff if it meant a chance at possibly getting laid one last time. You hardly know him, but he’s cute and he has nice hands and you won’t have enough time to feel embarrassed or accidentally fall in love because so little time is left. Daylight is fleeting.

So you quickly make up your mind, straightening your spine with purpose as you boldly ask Taehyung if he wants to have sex with you. His jaw hardens and he looks at you through narrowed eyes and says “yes” instead of the “sure” you’d expected. Namjoon is happy enough to be left alone with an ounce of weed that he doesn’t care if you chose Taehyung, who is essentially a stranger to you, over him, someone you’ve known long enough to be considered at least an associate. Not like you’d pretend to care about his feelings. Not like you’d owe him anything if you really did care about his feelings.

Sex with Taehyung is satisfactory. There is no pressure to perform so neither of you put on a show. There is no love involved so it’s not special. It’s just physical but that’s what you wanted anyway. And his breath doesn’t stink so that’s a plus.

Afterwards, you stumble back to the soccer field where Namjoon is cozied up against a tree. He had every incentive to run away and smoke the rest of your weed alone, or set it on fire on the turf as a form of protest against the environment, but he didn’t. You didn’t think he would.

You spend the rest of the evening getting higher and higher with them, these two random guys who probably would’ve been good friends had you all got together under different circumstances. You’ve stopped worrying about Lisa and your family and even tomorrow’s impending doom.

“What if it doesn’t happen?” Namjoon asks suddenly, sitting up with a sense of urgency that catches you off guard. The thought had crossed your mind as well, but it was nothing you could dwell on when you knew it was just wishful thinking. Not when 100 percent chance of impact kept replaying over and over again in your head.

“No really. What if you guys fucked and we smoked all your weed for nothing?”

You shrug. “Then we fucked and smoked all my weed for nothing.”

“You guys wanna sleep on the grass tonight?” Taehyung changes the conversation, sprawling out across the turf and kicking off his shoes.

“I’d like my last night to be spent in the comfort of my own bed, thank you.”

“You think the campus beds are comfortable?” Namjoon asks.

“More comfortable than sleeping on the fucking ground.”

“I just don’t wanna be alone,” Taehyung says quietly. Like he doesn’t want you or Namjoon or himself to hear it.

“Relatable.”

Silently, the three of you make your way through the half empty student residence parking lots. Everyone who could leave, did leave. You assumed all who’s left are the international students and other kids who couldn’t catch a flight back home. You choose not to think about their grief. Doing so could trigger your own and you don’t want your last night alive to be filled with sadness.

“This is my humble abode,” you say as you invite them into your dorm. It’s messy, as your roommate somehow managed to knock over almost everything and anything on her way out.

“It smells like sweat in here,” Taehyung comments, holding his nose.

“Yeah, well.”

The banter makes it easy to act like nothing is wrong, like your life isn’t changing, isn’t ending. You don’t feel like this is the last of anything, even though deep down you know it to be true. There are so many things to want to do. Pull out your guitar and play it one last time, tell Namjoon and Taehyung your deepest darkest secret just to get it off your chest, check your messages and maybe even respond to some because anybody who takes the time to text you their last words probably deserves a text back. It wouldn’t hurt.

You do none of these things. This is the highest you’ve ever been and you know the second you pull out your phone you’ll start crying.  Instead, you turn on the TV and settle down on the couch, draping your old Peter Pan blanket over yourself and curling into a ball.

“Are you scared?” Namjoon asks as he makes room for himself next to you.

“A little bit,” you answer honestly. It’s the most truth you’ve told in a long time.

“Me too.”

On TV, a news anchor slams his hands on the counter as he spits facts at you through the screen: here’s how it’s going down, here’s how to prepare in the little time you have, here’s what you should do even though it’s not going to save you anyway. You wish he was home with his family, or maybe you’re projecting your feelings onto him. With all that’s going on, it’s safe to say you’re overwhelmed.

You want to thank them for being there with you, but that would mean admitting that something is wrong. Those are words you don’t want to say. It’s not like their presence is for your comfort. They, like you, don’t want to be alone.

Light snoring brings you out of your own thoughts and back to real time. You’re thankful that they’re sleeping because now there is no temptation to speak, but you really wanted to speak. Talking has always tired you out, and now that you’re the only one awake, reality is beginning to set in. You don’t want to think about tomorrow, so you try to think about other things. The science homework you didn’t do, midterms you no longer have to worry about, all the money in your bank account, Lisa’s uneaten mango, Taehyung’s forgotten sneakers, Namjoon’s hand on your back.

The last thing you see is your mother’s grumpy face and arms outstretched towards you, although there is no way of telling whether the image came to you in a dream or not, because there is no morning to wake up to. 

i write the way i speak don’t judge me

also i suck at writing endings and this whole thing in general made me very emotional and it’s almost 1 am good f*cking nnight

[avian-barks]

just a rant

so I'm on mobile and don't know if I can add a read more so I'm sorry for the really long post. go ahead and skip it, it's nothing important, I just needed to rant about something rn. I'm not even gonna check for spelling rn I'm just pissed.

so.

fuckin. I hate everything I've done to myself with this fucking person. I've known them since middle school but they're just about twice my age(give or take a year or two) anyway. I figured out pretty quickly they're a REALLY toxic person. a total fucking jerk, really. what still rubs me the wrong way about them is their fucking guilt tripping. they went to college for an art degree and has GOOD art yet always does the "oooh. I'm not POPULAR as a furry artist. I'm such a failure, feel bad for me, buy my art" and I just. idk.

anyway they're real controlling as well, especially with me. I'm a very easily intimidated person, especially since they're twice my size?? and like. god there's so many examples, but just the other day I was out to run errands with them and I wasn't feeling well and told them I needed to go home. "don't worry, it'll be quick" just getting a few things. 45min. later, "go grab me a basket" "no." "what did you say to me?" at that point I just kinda stop. like. fuck. I fucked up. just from shit I've gone through I'm ready to get hit. I'm already fucking backing away as I repeat myself "no." they shrug and carry on. next time I get close however, I get smacked on the back of the head for "being a little shit"

they intimidate me purposely. they know what gets to me but they also do things for me. they treat me like a friend but also turn around and do that shit.

the whole reason I'm writing this rant tho is because they ruined a very big part of my life in 1 week.

so.

in my neighbourhood I've become "The Plant Doctor" I can identify plants, identify diseases and treat them, nurse them back to health. I used to work at a plant nursery before depression hit and I lost that job because I wasn't taking care of myself.

but I was still the plant doctor. people would bring their plants to me to fix. so. last week they went off to a convention and left me with their cat. okay. I've looked after this cat before but I have a bird and plants now, I don't want her in my room, or the room with the plants. my grandpa's cat KNOWS not to go in either room. she'll sit at the door but NEVER enters. she's known for almost 5 months now. first thing they do? bring the cat in my room and let it out. of course it hides and I can't grab the fucker from where it was so I leave it be.

that night, it went after my bird and DESTROYED all the plants. it destroyed mine, and my clients plants. almost $300 worth of plants and paying back clients. I had to pay everyone back what they paid me, plus trying to cover the plant that was destroyed. I LOST MY JOB OVER THIS. I'm pissed to hell at this point and I tell them about it. we'll take care of it and sort things out when they're back. okay. they got back yesterday and we talked about it today. it was agreed they'd do what they could to pay me back, through money, art, taking me out to lunch, things like that. I'm kind of okay with it. it won't get me my job back and it's not straight up all the money I lost but. you know, it's something.

they leave to talk with their mother about everything.

I get a call later.

"I'm not going to pay you $300"

I'm like. what?? YOUR cat destroyed everything

"you didn't tell me you had plants before I left. you didn't put the plants where she wouldn't get to them. I didn't see the destroyed plants(because I returned what I could and had to toss the rest) there's too much missing here"

no.

I DID tell you I have plants. YOU just never listen to what I say. you interrupt me. you change the subject. you talk over me. you don't. listen. to what I have to say.

I was excited to tell you I was taking care of plants for people.

your cat destroyed everything and cost me my job.

and you won't even think about paying me back now.

because you made it into MY fault.

you made it that I did everything wrong.

"why didn't you lock her up?"

I did.

I locked her in my grandpa's room.

"why didn't she stay there"

because everything for the cats is in the sitting room. I don't have an extra litter box and things. it's my grandpa's room, he doesn't want her in there all the time. I'm not going to lock a cat in a room for a full week.

I'll tell you what tho. she learned very quickly not to go into my room anymore. same way my grandpa's cat learned. negative reinforcement. associate going in the room with something bad.

well

now they're thinking about getting RID of their cat because it's become so destructive.

she's a good cat but.

could definately use a more stimulating environment.

they're also trying to GUILT me about their cat now, too. "after what she did I'm probably going to have to turn her over to the pound. she'll probably die there but idk what to do anymore"

I'm just.

so pissed off rn.

they destroyed something I've WORKED towards in less than a week and is now trying to put it back on ME and make it MY fault.

they're fucking LUCKY the lady with that angels trumpet? came in after their cat learned to stay the fuck away or else I'd be trying to explain how their cat got I to my clients plants and killed itself. of course that would be put on me and I'd be in trouble for killing their cat(as shitty as they are, I would feel so bad if that cat ended up dead)

but

yeah

I'm pissed

I lost so much

they give me so much shit about not doing anything with my life and then go and ruin it when I was actually starting to make progress. I was making money. I had a job. I was saving towards a computer to do commissions on the side and make more money. so I could save to a car. so I could get a proper job out some where and make a living.

they ruin it

and won't even make an attempt to right what they did.