#idk if this was just a thing that happened at my dumbfuck school or what

[deadtower]

millennials remember when we used to be in like middle school/early highschool and call ourselves “pyros” because we liked to flip a cigarette lighter on and stare at the fire. what was that about

[butterbeeryuta]

johnny as your boyfriend; radio!au

a/n: thIS was requested a looooooong time ago, and i am so sorry that i only wrote this now. My mocks are finally done, and they actually went pretty well, so i hope my results will match whatever i am claiming skdjkjd. This headcanon was really fun to write, and it was overall just adorable oof alright, imma head to over to my next oneshot now. Hope all of you have a great day.

Okay so ya’ll are in uniVersity (as expected because I am writing this)

You met johnny 2 years ago when you were freshman looking for a job on campus cause um,,, college is a bitch

And you saw this uni radio show ‘Night Night’ which went live every wednesday at 9 in the evening

You honestly had no idea what they talked about since you’ve never listened to one

Despite the fact that your roommate Sicheng always talks about it and claims how great it is

BUT ANYWAY

You always enjoyed radio shows in general, and saw that they were hiring for another radio show personality

HMMmmMmmmM i wonDEr wheRe tHIS Is gOInG

You were one intellect my dear; you were studying political science at Konkuk University, meaning, you were one opinionated ass individual

But, you also had your crack side acCording to ur roommate

You fucking chased Sicheng around with those incense sticks cause you couldn’t find your go-to rolling pin to scare the shit out of him for eating your pack of strawberries

I swear the two of you are great friends ya’ll just show love to each other in quite a unique way

ANYWAYS

YeAH so you went to ask for the job cause you need money to buy a safe for your precious strawberries

You brought whatever requirements they asked for, and nyyOoooOOooooOOOOnged your way over there

It was a pretty old building, or radio station per se. not that it was bad or anything but, it isn’t exactly a place you would like to step into

Going up the stairs, you just saw a really TALL and attractive guy clearing out a few things in the booth. Your guess was that he was also probably new to this and whoever lent him the place didn’t exactly clean up the place.

With whatever courage you had in yourself

Or i guess how much sugar you consumed this morning cause you casually just walked it without contacting the guy

‘Uh... hello?’

HE JUMPED, whatever shit he was holding? Yeah it dropped

Which caused you to jump too, not expecting the huge ass pretty guy to have that big of a reaction

he looked over to you, surprised to see a person in the radio station because um,,, nobody ever goes there except for him

‘Hello to you too??? uhhh, not meaning to be rude or anything but, why are you here? Are you lost?’ He asks, looking extremely concerned

You just shook your head and deadass told him that there was a job offer for another radio show personality, and he looked eveN more concerned

Sorta like a ‘are u fucking serious’ face

‘Oh! Right. That job has been open for about a year now so I didn’t expect anyone to come at all...’

OHHhhHhh????????

Well,,,, i guess you have a better chance of getting the job?

‘Well.... do i get a higher chance of being accepted then for being the first to show up? You ask, unsure if whatever you said made sense, or was even socially acceptable

Imagine going to a job interview being like: ‘so i saw ur job offer, and since i actually showed up, I’m accepted right?’

Babe i dont think it works like that, but let’s continue

Johnny honestly had nothing to say against you though. You were right in a sense that you had no competition since you were the only one that actually came to apply. At the same time, he wanted the quality of the show to still be good even if there was a limited audience

‘Higher chance is indeed right. But tell me, uhh, what’s your name again?’

‘I actually never introduced myself, but it’s _______’

‘I’m Johnny by the way. So _______, why do you want to be a radio show host for Konkuk University?’

you had two ways to answer this question: (1) be blatantly honest that you really need the money, and talking to earn cash seems pretty great in your opinion or (2) repeat whatever the fuck sicheng has told you about the show

And of course, you were going with the first option

‘i honestly need the money because college is a bitch. And also talking and having discussions is a pretty fun and interesting method to get some cash in. Also because my roommate loves your show and why not ruin it for him by including me in it’

Babe

BABE SKDJKSDJKDSJKSDJSKDJKSDJ

Johnny actually wanted to accept you immediately. I mean for starters, he found you pretty adorable marching up to the radio station determined to get the job. And not only that, you were quite the talker, which is something that could spike up the show since it was just always johnny speaking

And also because he was feeling quite lonely but he would never admit that

‘Alright _____, meet me this friday to talk about next week’s segment’

OOFT

And let me tell you, tall boi’s assumptions were right. During your first show together, the two of you decided to talk about the book ‘1984’ by george orwell and although it may sound boring on a superficial level, yOU made it sound pretty interesting and johnny was actually just laughing the entire time

You and johnny just clicked in an instant, and your way of describing things made ‘Night Night’ known by the students

Nobody could ever forget your infamous line about the book: ‘george orwell’s sexual frustration is honestly so transparent in the book; all he needed was to get his dick wet then maybe he wouldn’t have let julia and winston be caught by the thoughtpolice.’

And things like this happened every wednesday. The pattern of your radio show just included you being you, and johnny trying to make shit be on track

The two of you were doing it for a very long time now, and back to toDAY where ya’ll have been doing it for two years, well... it would be a lie to say you hadn’t developed feelings for johnny

of course the man was beautiful and well-built. But his personality and laugh? Yeah sicheng should’ve warned you about that.

He is probably one of the most open-minded person in the world, and he knows a bit about everything, making him so well-rounded. And and and he’s to kind???

If you tell him that you can’t make it to the radio show, he says it’s okay and even gives you snacks the moment you come back and he just makes you so soft in general i—

Meanwhile for johnny, damn is he in love with you

Over the past 2 years, you definitely helped him open up more. With the way you speak along with your galaxy brain, he couldn’t help but fall for you? You were intelligent, you had your own mind, and being friendly and funny in general is something johnny really liked about you

The time when he realised he loves you was when you curled yourself up against the seat while you were discussing about what to talk about next week, and you just fell asleep. He noticed how soft and peaceful you looked, and that he would want to see you like this on a daily basis

Shit this is getting me all soft i wasnt planning on this nsndnsndnd

So yeaHHHHH this week’s segment, you guys were talking about the spanish conquest of mexico and peru woohoooo

AND you were very excited for this because this was one of your (my) favourite topics you learnt during your time in high school

‘OKAY, good evening everyone I am ______D,’

‘And I am JohnD, and welcome to’

‘Night Night. Oof, we’re getting better at our introductions aren’t we JohnD?’

‘Nope, you just learned how to say it without cringing’

‘Touché’ and ya’ll began your discussion. And things actually got pretty interesting.

‘So _____ you’re telling me that it was Cortes’ leadership that allowed the Spanish to successfully take over Mexico?’ He asks you in disbelief.

‘No you tall dumbfuck, it’s one of the attributes that led them to succeed. Both Cortes and Pizarro had disease on their side and better weapons, so of course they’d win. I just wanted to include leadership as i don’t know, to see the defeat of the aztecs from a new lens?’ You respond, deadass looking at johnny in the eye

‘Well, i don’t think i can argue with that, mainly because i am too scared too. That is it for today, but before we end this, i would like to add one more thing.’ Johnny says, which took you by surprise

huHhh?

You looked confused, in fact, you were confused.

What the fuck was going on?

‘This academic year is ending, and this so happens to be my last year here at Konkuk University...’

Oh shit

Your eyes softened at his words, just realising now that johnny was two years older than you, and yeah, he’s graduating this year

‘... this year has honestly been one of the greatest years here at Konkuk, but for me, I think of my my most memorable memories here was when ______D entered the station and giving me a huge fright’

You laughed a little, remembering how much you scared the man

‘Taking this opportunity, ______D, I want to ask you something’

Shit

Shit

Shit

BRUHHHHHHHHH

‘I just want to congratulate you and thank you for joining “Night Night.” You made the show livelier and massively increased the viewer rate with that big brain of yours—‘

‘I prefer the term galaxy brain’

‘—yes, galaxy brain. I hope that you can continue this radio show, and maybe recruit someone else while i’m out in the world of disgusting adults. So yes, thank you ______. And because we won’t be colleagues in a bit, will you be my girl/boyfriend?’

You were initially teary eyed, buT yEET those tears out biTCH what????

You wanted to say yes, bUt how?????

Do you just nod at him and go ‘ye,’ or do you like, confess?

You felt weird in the stomach. Not that you can exactly do 459343948 cartwheels in one go, but that’s exactly what your stomach was doing. If you were to speak, you could have vomited.

Idk what happened to you, but you took off your headphones, and went to the tall boy and just hugged the shit out of him cause umm,,,, SAME????

And johnny wasn’t sure what that exactly meant so he just hugged you back, bringing you to his lap and holding you tight against him cause honestly, when will he be able to do this to a person he genuinely loves

There was a moment of silence of you two just holding each other, until you realised you were still live with lord knows how many people were listening.

‘U-um, yeah Johnny, I w-will gladly be yours—‘

‘_____ I love you’

OKAY RETRIEVE THOSE TEARS BISH YOU CRYING NOW TF

You sorta just placed your head on the crook of his neck, quietly whispering to him

‘I can’t believe I love your tall ass too...’

‘SHE SAID SHE LOVES ME TOO!’

[stcllac]

muse intros part 2 yee yee

yejun roh

he’s basically just another one of my jin fcs so idk what to tell u fam

he has a pretty basic upbringing tbh ??? his parents are chill and work decent jobs and they were always fairly middle class ?? they didn’t stand out too much

they also come from gardeniaville aka where briar’s from so he grew up knowing her

except yejun made himself stand out bc he’s fuckin yejun and needs to be Stopped at all times

he knew from a young age that he was adorable and handsome and it kinda inflated his ego a bit and sure some people hated him for it but most people found it funny bc he wasn’t a dick about it he just made jokes and shit

he found himself doing some part time modelling when he was in high school, and he definitely enjoyed it and would have gone down just that route had it not been for an incident during his third modelling gig

basically he saw the outfit and was just “ooooh it’s pretty !! though i would’ve done this.....and this and this..........

the designer wasn’t offended tho and was just “you have a good eye boi maybe you should be a designer yourself

and the clouds parted and the light rained down and suddenly yejun knew exactly what he wanted to do in life

it actually wasn’t long before he rose to fame as both a designer and a model bc his confidence in his own abilities as well as his general appearance was through the roof sO

he now owns a brand simply named roh yejun, or rojun for short

he’s willing to work with just about anyone tho some people tend to avoid him bc he’s dramatic af which is valid tbh

like this is the guy who will make himself the star of his own fashion show and ensure that rose petals are falling down around him as he struts it down the runway i s2g

he has definitely shouted “THIS IS A GAY’S ONLY EVENT GO HOME” more than once

he knows that magic and all that jazz exists, but he believes that there’s always a science behind it, so he’s a certain brand of sceptic, like he needs to see it to believe it

potential connections & stuff !!

he’s probably worked with anyone famous sO mostly stuff with that tbh

portia galexia

alien princess !!

she’s from the planet lucaura which is a very magical planet that has a very strong connection with the stars and the various constellations in whatever galaxy they happen to be in

lucaura’s magic is very strong and a single (though well practiced) spell by the king or queen can send the entire planet into another galaxy, which is something they tend to do if their current position is threatened

this is how they ended up near earth, as the argenti had attempted to invade them and the royal family were having none of that, and so they spelled the planet to wherever the magic would take them, and thus they ended up close to earth. this was just over a year before the argenti stumbled upon earth themselves

the lucaurans are peaceful and diplomatic people, and so they sent their daughter portia down as a mediator in negotiations

they didn’t really have to try hard as earth as we know it has some strange and magical people, and so it wasn’t hard for her to be accepted, and portia was able to strike a deal where lucaura would protect earth in the case of danger and vice versa

portia is a very generous and kind individual, but can also be optimistically stubborn. if she thinks something can be fixed by her hand, she’ll make sure she does just that as soon as possible, and she can have a one track mind at times

she actually really likes it on earth and spends a lot of her time there. she initially lived near the space port downtown, but that became an infected zone pretty quickly, and so she lives in a skyscraper right by it

her parents made the decision to not tell the earthlings about their history with the argenti, a decision portia didn’t really agree with, but she trusts her judgement and instead focuses on ensuring the safety of the earthlings and the lucaurans

ever since she was young, she’s focused a lot on her magic, and so she has very strong powers that she gathers from the stars. they’re stronger at night for obvious reasons

her magic can be pretty op in terms of what she CAN do but there are definitely things that are generally forbidden in lucauran law, such as resurrection, murder, summoning the dead in any capacity, basically anything that is considered disrespectful is a big ‘no-no’

they don’t count killing argenti monsters as murder tho so go wild i guess

possible connections & stuff !!

if you’re a leader or hero of some kind, she’s probably at least met you once since she’s always trying to help and make connections

her attendant aka the sort of ?? official ?? who came down w/ her to earth bc those are the Rules yeet skeet

levi royce

an orphan boi

levi has absolutely no idea where he came from or who his real parents are or even what his birthday is but he’s roughly 18 so ??

he was left on the front steps of anna’s home when he was a wee bab and there was nothing to tie him to who tf he was so he didn’t have a name or birth certificate or aNYTHING

his name was given to him by one of the people who work there, and he was sORT OF adopted at that moment ?? but he lived in the orphanage bc his adoptive mother lived in the orphanage, and even then it was just this agreement that this child was the orphanage baby and he was everyone’s son

levi didn’t really question it until he was quite a bit older, about eight or nine, and they pretty much told him the truth bc he was pretty mature for his age and could take it

while he didn’t show it, it actually really affected him bc at least some of the other kids had a vague idea of where they’d come from, but not him apparently, he was a mystery

he refused to reveal how he felt to anyone tho bc he’d already made a name for himself as being the big brother to everyone in the orphanage, the one all the kids could rely on to be there with advice or a bedtime story, and he didn’t want to show weakness in front of them

while he’s a relatively calm person he goes into angry protective mode when the orphanage or the residents of it are threatened like he’s not playing he has a sword and he wILL use it

the day the argenti came, he’d had a really bad feeling, especially when the clouds starting coming in, and so he’d told the other kids to stay inside. sure enough, then came the argenti

he wasn’t able to save all of the kids tho as one of them went missing and he has no idea where they are, but he once again refuses to show his worry

he’s the type of guy who’s really soft around those he considers his family but can seem kinda distant to strangers, but that’s because he can be a bit distrustful at first

he absolutely sings the kids to sleep he has a heavenly voice

but he’s also kind of a dumbfuck with no sense of self preservation sometimes as well as being completely and utterly oblivious like jfc

possible connections & stuff !!

gimme more orphans like it doesn’t matter if they’re older or younger he’ll look after all of them ok

micah gilligan

speaking of dumbasses

micah is basically the epitome of a dumb teen he’s just ?? niCER THAN MOST I GUESS ??

he was (and still is tbh) the neighbourhood kid who would try stupid stunts and break his arms every month or so without giving a fuck like i s2g he’s immune to the pain to this point why is he like this

he lives in the cul-de-sac w/ the other kids there and grew up there from the time he was a wee bab so he ofc knows remy and thinks of him as his older brother of sorts

he’s super friendly and gets along with most people even tho he’s, as we’ve established, dUMB

his parents are just waiting until he graduates and he goes off to college

when the argenti first made themselves known he was just “WHAT” like everyone else, but after that, he was determined to get in contact with them

he didn’t meet an argenti, per say, but he met one of the monsters the argenti had made from a few nearby bushes. needless to say, it didn’t end all that well for him, and he had to be treated for burns, but at least he wasn’t dead

that hasn’t deterred him, though, and he’s determined to be of sOME use in the fight, and so he lets fighters come into his home while his parents are out and makes sure they’re fed and well-cared for, even lets them sleep upstairs if they need it

once he gets one of siwoo’s weapons in his hands he’s gonna be unstoppable tbh he’s gonna gO FOR IT

honestly it’ll be a miracle if he doesn’t end up killed

despite all of this, once he does figure out that someone is upset for whatever reason, he ensures that he pays attention to them and gives them whatever they need if he’s able to and is just there for them in general

too bad he’s an oblivious little shit half the time

possible connections & stuff !!

hi i need more cul-de-sac crew kids asap i want them All

any fighter around the suburbs that he could’ve helped !! he’s pretty friendly with all the people who have set up camp in their little enclosed area so !!

paige park

yall know my girl it’s been a while

she works for the agency that doesn’t have a proper name bc they’re that secretive that they’re just “the agency”

her parents were both agents who met while working there and badabing badaboom paige is conceived

paige’s father didn’t agree with the experiments the agency was doing in the science department, the ones where they were attempting to combine human dna with animal dna to make shapeshifting hybrids, and so he called them out on their bullshit and booked it once he was labelled as a traitor

what happened to him afterwards is officially unknown by most, but many speculate that he was assassinated

as a big ‘fuck you’ to the guy who tried to ruin their precious experiments, the agency decided that they would make test subjects out of paige’s mother and paige herself after she was born

the experiment on her mother, the one that was conducted barely a day after paige was born, was almost a success, but there were several factors that caused the project to fail, notably the fact that her mother was still recovering from giving birth and that the animal dna wasn’t large enough in quantity to overpower her genetics. she died on the operating table

paige ended up being part of an experiment along with a bunch of other infants, and it’s only then that the experiment was a success and the scientists realised that they would need to inject the dna and ensure its spread during the first few years of life, around a few weeks to five years old, though ideally around the three year mark

and thus, paige the platypus was created

she’s a stellar agent and is considered one of the best in the field, though this often means her workload is tough

most of her jobs prior to the invasion kept her close to the agency downtown, and while she’s still in the downtown area now, she has to stretch herself pretty thin sometimes

since she has platypus dna she can turn into a platypus, though the only ability she retains in her human form is electroreception, which basically means she can sense shit underwater

she’s sorta known as a big sister among the other animal agents bc of her personality, she’s very much the mum friend

she has no idea what happened to her parents and is pretty obedient when it comes to the agency

possible connections & stuff !!

i’ll always love me some more animal agents

even tho she’s focused on the argenti that doesn’t mean she can’t see other criminals in action, she’s more the tailing type tho sO she might stalk some shady people just :eyes emoji:

margaret corrs

she’s trying her best

maggie’s always been the responsible one out of her and her sister and that’s been the case since they were little

what she diDN’T expect was that she would end up becoming her sister’s legal guardian when their parents went missing under suspicious circumstances

her parents both worked for a well off family and her mother was a secretary and her father was a driver so they’re pretty much invisible workers ?? not that they’re unappreciated or anything it’s just that people tend to have conversations in front of them as if they aren’t there

aNYWAY one day they went to work but ended up not coming home which was of course sUPER concerning and so she went to the police to file the missing person’s report

long story short, she was to look after violet while the police did their investigation, but for a year and a half it was a constant string of no-shows and dead leads and shoddy police work and maggie was growing tired of it

she was already studying journalism so it wasn’t hard for her to become interested in investigative journalism and she used the skills she learned to start looking for hERSELF why her parents disappeared

the argenti attacked before she could get very far tho

and now that vi has gone missing she’s looking for her too and she’s stressed and feels terrible bc her entire family is gone why couldn’t i help them

she isn’t doing anything sUPER crazy yet, just looking around and asking questions, but the more time spent without any word from any of her family members the more determined she’s gonna be

she has literally nO time for the argenti fam she has a family to find and those dumbass aliens aren’t gonna stop her

she’s a pretty no-nonsense person and the mama bear will come out if you even tHINK of hurting anyone close to her i dare u

she can defend herself aDEQUATELY but not amazingly

potential connections & stuff !!

tbh she’s probably questioned anyone and everyone so !! anYONE TBH

castanea primus

succubus babie

except she’s not really a babie she’s just a Brat

after what happened to her parents back in the underland, castanea has always held a deep grudge against demons despite being one. as far as she’s concerned the only other demon she can trust is her older brother and everyone else can perish

that’s a major reason as to why when her brother moved away from the underland she was just “tAKE ME WITH YOU”, she really wanted out of there

some of her generalisations towards other demons have changed the way she sees herself, and so she doesn’t see herself as a good person in any capacity, so she doesn’t really try

upstanding citizen ?? what’s that ??

she’s not going around and doing crimes, but she just doesn’t care. she doesn’t care about school or how she’s going to get far in life. who needs to do that when you have the ability to charm someone into doing whatever you want them to ???

the daytime hours are when she acts the most human, going to school (most of the time) and spending most of her time with surface dwellers. her night time hours are usually spent at the club her brother works at, pestering him and anyone else who might come her way

tbh she can’t wait to be a hoe but only bc she wants to get stuff out of it

the argenti is something she tends to ignore for the most part, as in her opinion, her life on earth would likely just be cut short in some other way if they weren’t around, so why bother ??

very flippant about death as you can see, doesn’t really care if she lives or dies, but she isn’t about to tell anyone else that

she’s considered the ‘cool beauty’ type at school. beautiful, but hard for people to approach. she probably has a group of good friends but it’s unlikely that they know she’s a succubus

talks back to teachers with the most deadpan expression and calm voice

refuses to get Attached™

possible connections & stuff !!

fellow students !! her school friends !! even just people around the downtown area who know her !!

anyone she can get attached to, bc getting attached fUCKS HER UP

[livenudebigfoot]

stunt-muppet

replied to your post:

“I just realized I’m definitely going to see Slender Man because Kevin...”

:

Okay but I'm expecting a full report on how bad it is.

SO HERE’S THE THING

(right up at the top: Kevin Chapman spends like 90% of his screentime taking a lil’ Kevin Napman. At one point, he is mistaken for the Slender Man, which is hysterical because he’s like the opposite shape of the shape that mister mcslenderman is. None of this is really relevant to why the movie is bad, I just wanted to get it out of the way.)

but the other reason I watched this movie was because I was a huge fuckin dork about Marble Hornets in college (although I never got around to finishing the series). I watched EverymanHYBRID and TribeTwelve too. I was a Slenderman found footage web series aficionado, which is a deeply uncool thing to be, but idk. I like found footage horror movies conceptually (although frequently not in practice) and here were a bunch of free ones on the internet made by people my age who were doing cool things with Navidson Record-esque spatial fuckery. I liked that. And I was never going to like Slender Man, the theatrical film, because even in a best-case scenario, it was still going to be a big studio cherry-picking the labors of a thousand people in their early twenties who made creepy shit in Photoshop and wrote creepypastas and coded questionable games and shot movies in their backyards for no money at all. 

I wasn’t expecting a best-case scenario. I did not receive a best-case scenario. 

And this movie isn’t really taking cues from those labors at all (although I recognized some of those Photoshop jobs during the Mandatory Horror Movie Google Montage as being straight from Something Awful circa 2009). It’s taking cues from the Slender Man stabbing. You know, the very real, very upsetting incident where two very real, very troubled children stabbed their friend. The very real, very upsetting incident that happened four years ago. Those kids were sentenced in February of this year. They’re 16 years old. The victim isn’t out of high school yet.

It’s like the dictionary definition of Too Soon.

“Look at these troubled teen girls going into the woods to summon Slender Man,” says this dumbfuck movie, jabbing its elbow into the audience’s ribs. “What current event does this remind you of?” And like, it’s really just a generic horror movie and it doesn’t depict that incident so much as reference it with adjacent storytelling choices and casually capitalize off of the morbid interest that story generates, but also fuck off, movie.

Even aside from that, it’s VERY BORING. This is like the most basic bitch, IKEA horror movie imaginable. It brings absolutely nothing to the table. Every scare is telegraphed from thousands of miles away. Oh gosh, she looked around one side of the tree and he was gone! She thinks she’s safe for now! Oh wait no he’s right next to her! Very unexpected!! Fuck off, movie. Kudos to the majority-teen audience in my theater, who greeted everything this movie did - from jumpscares to comedy bits - with stony, unimpressed silence. The most successful scare of the night was the one at the end of the Halloween trailer. If I was watching this movie at home, I would have made it like thirty minutes in before either turning it off or just letting it run in the background, unacknowledged, while I made dinner or played with the cat or folded laundry or did literally anything else. 

Anyway, it’s bad, don’t watch it.

[davidjjohnston3]

Facebook Insomnia 7.25.2021 1. I am still sad to conceptualize life in terms of fiction and the condition of fiction rather than Christianity undivided.   Today I had a lot of images of Japan in my mind.  I heard the phrase 'Japanese Breakfast' which is the rock-star name of the author of 'Crying at H-Mart' a famous book. I remembered someone who once dated someone who became my enemy. This person I respected I now realize and I am happy that I didn't say anything excessively stupid that would have implied I look down on her, saw her as easy, saw her as 'material to work on,' someone to have a plan for etc.   I asked her once for help getting someone to interview at Deloitte for consulting only this person was in Accounting. I never really saw this person as in my league or anything to me except as a 'Curriculum Developer' I guess I outranked her and so wasn't shy of talking to / with her in official functions.   Later we drank together and I said a few random things like that I stress- / binge-eat apples, like 5 apples a night. My friend once did a funny imitation of her that in retrospect sounded a little like my Taiwanese ex-girlfriend's imitation of Kaori Mochida from Every Little Thing; the funny thing I now realize is that he too had lingering affection for her despite everything.  I feel he became anti-Korean racist and I don't know where he is now but in retrospect he definitely never crossed a line with her that I know of except for asking questions I would never ask.  He called her by her Asian name which was something I never did in those days feeling it pretentious.   'The mysterious maiden of the Moon...' - It's a line from Yi Kwangsu's 'The Soil' in which a married man is comparing his wife with someone else like his former student.  In good Korean custom since his former student once had a puppy-crush on him and gave him some corn, when her husband finds out, he kicks her to death in her pregnant stomach and this is why I oppose many things in principle such as tribalism, marriage, and for all intent and purposes the nuclear family. Yi Kwangsu is a problematic figure and as a Christian or aspiring Christian / 'Christianist' I don't recommend it.  It has incredibly exquisite descriptions of women that could make you brain-dead.  Yi Kwangsu also supposed Japan's occupation of Korea so that to this day talking about Yi Kwangsu can get you crucified.   I also seem to recall something like '_ _-ya, you got run over by a train you one-legged prostitute; now you have to love your husband even more.'  But I don't remember the context. Ironically or not 'The Soil' is the title of a Knut Hamsun novel the author of which supported Hitler; I do not.   I wonder where she is now. This person got shot at a lot and I regret adding to her burdens with my sin-eater-type confessions or just shooting my mouth off when stuff happened.  I had a crush on someone else and started saying I was sad I lost my virginity in college; IDK why I said anything. This person also had high alcohol-tolerance - extremely high for a female Asian - and although I could also drink a lot I always did bad self-destructive things. In the Middle Ages one form of 'trial by ordeal' was to reach your hand in to boiling water to pull out a pearl and if the boiled skin healed well you were exonerated or sth.   She must be 'somebody's everything; my impossible girl.'  IDK why she talked to me and I made fun of her and all my fictionalized versions of her and theories of her were derogations.   Like me she played the piano. She once said '_ _ is popular' which was a burn I appreciate since I'm anti-popularity and anti-personality-cults. She went to a school part of which is Victoria College where a literary critic I admire(d) taught for many years. I am stuck in America, hounded by Satan through the personages of my Maoist biological family and 'family tree' of America torn between past and future, un-death and life; due in large part to my excessive tendency to defend myself, to lash out, to wash my hands on the outside without cleaning my 'interior mentality' to paraphrase the 'Da Xue,' or to blaspheme the Spirit in some respects, I feel. I regret talking about her and at the same time why would I talk about lesser maidens? IDK what her favorite piano-piece was as I never endeavored to enage her in discourse about art or aesthetics given she is not a 'kisaeng' or 'geisha' and I am not a museum-curator or whatever.  Other people would be like 'Oh!  You lke the Grande Valse Brilliante; I know you spent the summer of 2003 teaching yourself repeat-notes.'   Everyone wants to drag everyone in to their mud or graves these days.  Am reminded of Endo Shusaku's 'Silence' about why Jesuits would apostasize in medieval Japan.  His conclusion was that the 'swamp of Japan' was too full of sensualism, the Portuguese Jesuit wanted a Japanese mistress or wife.  I once yelled 'swamp f-ggot' at someone due to their tendency to emotionalize and 'contextualize' everything which was an underhanded way of trying to make me change my sex as well.  In an effort to mitigate some of the tempting evil pornographic things I said about KR over the years I said a few more but this is a person, whose name means 'Pearl' as in 'the pearl of great price for which oe sold everything else.'  It is said that AAPI Twitter, America, house-slave Am-Kor own-goal Korean self-exploitation honor-killing squadsters, etc. want to these people in the trash. I found my Gideon Kor-Eng NT Psalms with the 'victory song' that sounds like Mandarin in its Revelation, that I had worried I'd lost.  That might be the 'most grateful' thing that 'happened.' I also remembered what my Mandarin name used to be though I had many in different classes I took. I was going to say many things, but in the end: the mystery of Charity.

*

I never considered the full implications of socialism or mental socialism till today.  I assumed that it was valid mitigation.  Some are born rich, some are born poor, it's wrong to let the latter starve on principle alone.   I don't even know how to say this.  I remember during the Iraq War being struck by how much the government - like my mom - was asking outsiders for advice about how to fight.  Dick Cheney got in trouble.  Years later I was skeptical of the F-35 because a lot of idiots with no skin in the game wanted to build it here or there. Wisconsin wanted to build the 'Littoral Combat Ship' which who cares. It made people worse and worse. The only thing is, the CCP - who ultimately serve I dare not even say whom, but clearly not the ghosts of Karl Marx or Vladimir Lenin or perhaps even Mao Zedong - figured out awesome killer ways to troll Republicans like Scott Walker w/ their 'FoxConn Fallujah hokey-pokey' whereby they got an avowed capitalist to promise socialists something that actually came from-post-hyper-anti-socialist hyper-capitalists with a plan to kill all white people or something. My father used to talk about the University of Chicago School of Economics all the time and it made me sulkily ask myself why 'Poor Dad' is talking so much about stuff that supposedly makes people billionaires while Jacob's English major dad is Bloomberg's 'chief of staff.'   I say again it's just like Biden saying all the right stuff, 'knee on the neck of the American soul, bone of our bone, winter of peril, hey dumbfuck, articulate, they're killing people.' Writing grant-proposals to the government to fund private research in to brain-injury that is itself applied by the government to veterans sent to get brain-damaged by a government that said good things and did retarded things based on their readings of the good things they said a bit like Karenin in 'Anna Karenina.'   I remember when George W. Bush said 'I'm the decider.'  I once told my dad to get out of my face so he got really sloshed up and vapored, 'I'm in your face!'  I'm not even saying that to defame someone but welcome to reality. Every so often every male seems to try to man up then they defend themselves like, 'No that is not the way in which I meant that I was manning up.'  You could call this 'self-draft-dodging.' It's ancient history but if I had been wiser I would have tried to predict the future for myself rather than visualize it as an abstract spectatorial notion.  At day's end mental socialists can literally not understand why it is wrong to steal.  Stealing is compulsory under socialism - I again come back to 'Pearl' since her ex-suitor and I used to reflect on how Korean collectivism drove people into themselves.  Similarly mental socialists cannot but hoard 'capabilities' so that in the end they'll falsify anything, steal anything; the only limit I guess is living with themselves.

I keep giving myself to fantasy and coping of all kinds like a 'mental Changrae Lee novel, mental David Guterson novel,' or ultimately Vergil (Virgil).  There has to be a new music, a new dream, something, a new city, though it is odd to think about pre-Christian times and a legend of what came before Rome in a Christian moment amid realignment in 'late Roman history.' My favorite YAL book still perhaps is 'The Giver' since it deals with the uses of history, with abortion, and with escape or exile.   I was going to say a while back something about 'Light in August' which relates to escape - as well to complacence - and to interracial relationships, pregnancy, the right to live.  I was in Minneapolis but mind was on Japan, on all these swords, not the Olympics but histories of swords and strange armor, halberds.  There was a huge sword called a 'field sword' in translation. I don't even want to see these people again; I sincerely pray the Japanese Prime Minister, the men and women of their armed forces, Tokyo's apparently amazing counter-terrorism and response capabilities for NBC / WMD / etc. attacks since the Aum Shinrikyo Sarin subway attacks and maybe their counter-nuclear or ability to respond after a nuclear blast will be enough.  People in America are trying to live by a little of the old, a little of the new, but it seems utterly impossible. When people abuse me I get really dreamy.  I read Virgil in high school; I was thinking of 'post-Covid YAL' or so in which people are just on the run, harrowing themselves, not even nostalgic for Babylon or anything in it.  It is almost like 'the meaning of the soul.'  I realized that in addition to new churches and new government laws Covid will engender new birth-defects and there will have to be new medicine.  Japan is a country that I said bad things about especially when in Korea but she never did anything bad to me - I remember playing 'Final Fantasy' and thinking someone out there loves me; they made an investment in children worldwide.  The only thing is I'm too old for such adventures and I fall apart quickly. All these birds in Japan, colors of red - people get obsessed with the Otherness of Japan and want to abnegate Belial-like (a demon or fallen angel of sensualism, to my understanding).  

I took so many notes and voice-notes yesterday that I devoutly hope my visions will pass to someone.  The future is going to be so beautiful for somebody but I have lost so much faith in my ability to mitigate or restrain evil.  Those who I had thought were simply stupid but were diabolically opposed to my existence - whom I did not wish to understand and whom I had 'fancied' I could placate or appease through offerings - turned out to be radically evil, unconditionally evil.  I feel that my father (biological) would steal my soul if he could; would eat it in a way.  My mom is always sitting on the porch and gives a look of hope like I could change her mind but it'll never happen.  I want to kill myself; I think things worldwide will get worse before they get better; I don't trust Biden or anyone who says the right things without showing exactly what they are doing.  Christians seem so petty sometimes like melanin, hairy legs, in Japan this therefore that, Native American Indian manhood rituals.   I just want to know which pastor has the 'batting average' I can believe in but it has to be John MacArthur doesn't it?  

[real-faker]

Ack sorry about sending another pitch question (I know you said something about people sending those) but you mentioned you pitched a show twice, and since I'm a creeper, I read the tags and you said the pitch wasn't how we'd think they'd be; how were they, then, out of curiosity? If I ever pitch a show, in your position, what should I expect? What exactly happened? Sorry for asking all these questions; you've been my inspiration for a while and I hope I can pitch my own show someday!! Thank you

Oh no, that’s fine!  I don’t mind telling my experience with it, and I’ve even given pitching tips before, but this post is about the extent of my knowledge.  (You can also just search my blog for “pitch”, ‘cause I’ve reblogged stuff from other people that actually KNOW what they’re talking about, haha)  I just don’t want people under the impression that I’m super experienced with it, or that I’ve ever pitched to a big deal network or producer.  I absolutely haven’t.  I have exactly 2 pitching experiences.  The first one was a few years ago at an event in Nashville called “Film-Com”, which is an annual trade show/expo event for financing and distributing filmmaking projects.  Basically you get a booth, and you set up in this convention center with all these other aspiring creators (filmmakers, documentary people, a few video game/new media folks, all sorts), and they’ve invited a WHOLE SWATH of producers and industry professionals to come mull around the show floor with you so you can make connections and get your product out there EAT FREE MEALS and then idk, maybe fuckin’ walk around a bit and look at your dumb shitty projects if they fuckin’ feel like it but they probably wont, so what ends up happening is all the creators just walk around and look at each others’ shit, which for me—being the only animator there—means that a bunch of other jack-knobs who have some vague idea for a shitty cartoon end up giving me THEIR card so that maybe in the future I can work on THEIR dumbfuck ideas.ANYWAY, to get to the point, they selected certain projects and scheduled them to actually go up and pitch in front of a whole room full of producers.  This happened over the course of the whole day, so I suspect the reason none of the producers were walking around interacting with people is ‘cause they were stuck in a room all day hearing 30 different suck-ass pitches and when it was all said and done they were probably exhausted.  I was scheduled as the last pitch of the day.  I enter the room and wait patiently; the person before me is running about 10 minutes over their allotted time.  I scan the room… everyone is MISERABLE.  They’re anxious, they’re uninterested, they’re sighing… the main guy who’s sort of monitoring the whole thing is pinching his brow and trying his best to keep up the pretense of politeness in telling the current pitcher to wrap it up.  NONE of these people want to be here anymore.  It seems like everyone’s spent the whole day “warming ‘em up” for me, but now they’re all sweaty and miserable, so I can either go up there and give another mediocre pitch, OR I can go up there and try my goddamn hardest to make them laugh. 

I go up on stage, just IMMEDIATELY force myself to get over any fears I have, and I pitch W2H.  I screen a short mock trailer I made (no way I’d force them to sit through that whole fucking thing), and it’s sort of like a fever dream, because I can see all of the life returning to their faces, they’re WAY into it, I’m doing fucking GREAT somehow, despite literally zero experience… and when it was all said and done, it became abundantly clear that even though they all LOVED it, not a single one of them could help me.  None of them were animation producers.  None of them KNEW animation producers.  One guy suggested I go into comics, because “comics get turned into film and tv shows all the time”.  I just had the PERFECT fucking pitch, and I pitched to people who couldn’t fucking help me.  As I was leaving, many of them came up to me and actually thanked me for sending them off for the day on a good note.  There was a big dinner at like, the fucking Governers’ mansion or something that night, and again, some of them were coming up to me and thanking me, wishing me the best and all that.  I guess if nothing else, I learned what I’m capable of.

The second pitch was an ACTUAL disaster.  When I’d first graduated I thought I could pitch W2H to Frederator, ‘cause it seemed like a good fit.  They told me (understandably) that they couldn’t reverse-engineer a show from something I’d already produced, and also that it was inappropriate (despite having a show at the time called “SuperFuckers”, but whatever; language and subject matter are different things).  Later on I got an email from them, saying that someone in their office was familiar with my work, and they invited me to come pitch them something that wasn’t W2H.  They also said that I was free to swing by their office any time, even “just to hang out”, and that if I had any questions “whether it be pitching or where to get the best burgers in Burbank”, to hit them up.  How friendly!  How perfect!  I was JUST about to move out to L.A., so I started working on this idea tentatively called “Gayliens”.  I swung by their office once, you know, just to pop in, like they said; thought I’d make myself known or whatever.  They looked at me like I was nuts.  They still invited me in and we chatted for a bit about the history of early Disney studios, but when they asked why I was there, and I reminded them about the email they’d sent, they seemed to have no idea what I was talking about.  I told them I was working on a pitch for them and that I’d be in touch so we could schedule something.  When I finally finished putting my pitch together, I went in for a meeting with them.  It was just 2 folks, we were in like a board meeting-type room (which I imagine is probably standard).  They made some small talk with me first, which I’m sure was an attempt to loosen us all up a bit and set the mood, but all of their questions really caught me off guard.  (I guess they asked where I was working, and when I told them I didn’t have a studio job, they asked how I was making money, and I’m sure it wasn’t meant to put me in an awkward position, but people asking me how I make money literally ALWAYS puts me in an awkward position, because my income sources are scattered and weird.  Try explaining how youtube ad revenue works to your social services worker, it’s a blast.) SO okay, I let myself get tripped up a bit.  I go on with the pitch; they don’t really want me to pitch the concept, they just have me show them my storyboards and read through the whole thing.  They’re DEAD silent the whole time.  I can’t get a read on them at all.  When it’s over, they ask me some more questions that trip me up.  Some of them are 100% my fault; they asked for a title, and I wasn’t ready to say “Oh, it’s tentatively called GAYLIENS,” out loud to people who I couldn’t get a read from.  

It’s all kind of a blur, but the few topics of discussion I remember them bringing up were that “the storyboards look almost TOO good”, like it was TOO polished or well-developed (which is sort of a backhanded compliment I guess???), because see, “when they made Adventure Time… blah blah blah it just started off as this loose idea, and once they were a season or so into it, they started expanding on the universe and developing the characters a little bit more…” — AS IF ANYONE doesn’t understand why AT got so popular???  You don’t have to TELL ME, I WAS WATCHING IT, I FUCKING KNOW.  No one gave a shit about AT until they got Rebecca Sugar and all these talented writers working on it a couple seasons in, and doing all this character-heavy shit.  I tried to present them with something that had all that character shit baked into it already, ‘cause I knew they were gonna’ use AT as an example.  But it seemed like they’re not looking for something that’s already developed with it’s own voice or sensibility, they’re looking for a vague idea that they can mold into something as they go.  

They also told me–and I still can’t get over this–that they’re looking for “”””””characters that people will want to cosplay as””””””, which is funny to me for a plethora of reasons; namely that they have no way of knowing that PEOPLE DO COSPLAY AS MY CHARACTERS, but also that I spent half of my time in college working on ridiculous magical girl Adventure Time crossover group cosplays (don’t fuckin’ laugh) like trust me I’m ALARMINGLY familiar with cosplay, and ALSO, that looking for a new property with the guidelines that it should be “the next big thing that some fucking nerds will dress up as at comic con” just seems like such an out-of-touch-but-trying-to-be-hip, capitalize-on your-fandom-doing-all-the-legwork-for-you, fucking executive thing to say.  I know I sound like a whiny art school kid saying that but my animation instructor was so anti-establishment, and I carry a lot of that with me still, and something about that statement–insignificant as it may be–kind of epitomizes how I feel about the industry?  It’s a hard thing to explain. I walked out of that pitch with my mind feeling like TV static.  My friends were waiting for me next door at a bakery and they were super excited, asking me how it went, and I was just like “I mean… BAD, for sure, but I don’t know where to even start.”  Hahaha.  I don’t know.  It just seems like everyone wants to play gatekeeper I guess.  They want This Thing™, but it can’t be too This Thing™.  They want the thing to have A Fandom™, but they don’t really understand fandom ‘cause they don’t participate in fandom.  They want Your Idea™ but they want to make it Their Idea™.  I don’t know.  I’m just angry and bitter and that’s my experience with pitching.  Admittedly some of what went wrong in these pitches was my fault, or there were circumstances beyond my control, and regardless of how that pitch went, I don’t actually dislike Frederator (I’m on their youtube network), and Fred Seibert has actually done a ton of iconic shit.I don’t think I’ve ever AIRED MY GRIEVANCES in such great detail before, but there you have it.  If you want some tips on pitching, you can check out the links I provided at the beginning of the post; there’s tons of people out there who actually know their shit too, and they’d probably give more proactive advice.  I don’t know if this helps at all, but hopefully you can glean something from it!  That’s just my limited experience with it.  Haha.  Good luck!  

[nickatnightwalker-blog]

@sorcieresque  the hot gossip is murder

nickatnightwalker hey sup damian killed two guys right before he got here

sorcieresque I would ask you to excuse me and make you repeat yourself but that would be... Overkill.

nickatnightwalker shitty pun

sorcieresque I can't work like this. How do you know this. Did he tell you, or did you follow him into his evil lair and find out while hiding behind his coffin. How deep in shit are you, so to speak.

nickatnightwalker oh extremely ' he just fucking told me like hey yo sup i ate humans

nickatnightwalker ok actually that's not how it happened it happened because i was like bitch can you try not being intentionally cryptic and ominous for once because i for one am not enjoying feeling like a happy meal and he was like lmao oh my bad youre too good to eat and i was like yeah ofc i am and he was like anyway i ate two wannabe rapists and i was like cool and then i made plans to meet up with him anyway but then you almost killed a scotsman so that kinda threw me off my game so, shit status: deep as fuck

sorcieresque Are you planning to be a rapist.

nickatnightwalker holy shit daisy

sorcieresque

Then there's nothing to worry about.

nickatnightwalker yes actually i was just about to join alpha sigma fratfuck no there are things to worry about actually

sorcieresque I would kill and eat you myself.

nickatnightwalker yeah bitch youd do that if the line was too long at mcdonalds

sorcieresque I love McDonalds.

sorcieresque ):

nickatnightwalker daisy listen i AM mcdonalds

sorcieresque Everyone can be McDonalds if you're not a pussy.

nickatnightwalker AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY im not making a cannibalism joke anyway daise what the fuck is his criteria for being 'too good to eat' like, is it hard crime?  petty crime? being annoying because if that's the case i am absolutely fucked in the most unsatisfying of ways do i have to sit around and wait for this light yagami ass fuck to decide my moral worth as a human vs my potential deliciousness

sorcieresque Kill him before he kills you, of course.

nickatnightwalker done and done

sorcieresque That was fast.

nickatnightwalker do you honestly think i havent had a wooden stake strapped to my thigh like a supernatural bond girl from the moment i realized the absolute magnitude of my stupidity

sorcieresque Did he happen to mention any other weaknesses. What's the other half of the report, Walker.

nickatnightwalker that's it!  that's it! that's the whole report! the other part of the report is that, breaking news, i am an immense dumbfuck!

sorcieresque Both the Quran and silver repel him. Are you certain that a stake to the heart would do the trick.

sorcieresque I'm not playing around.

nickatnightwalker you said it would, didn't you? he said decapitation

sorcieresque Hmm. I didn't think to take that comment seriously, but now that you mention it. We must take precautions. Carry a hatchet on us at all times.

nickatnightwalker hey you're fucking around but im trying to weigh the implications that taking a human life have on a dude's life

sorcieresque Well, he seems terribly well-adjusted.

nickatnightwalker yeah just like us

sorcieresque Buuuuuuuuuurn.

sorcieresque I've started carrying my dagger with me. The silver one. I suggest you do the same.

nickatnightwalker do you happen to have another silver one

sorcieresque We can order one online.

nickatnightwalker oh in that case there's more that i need

sorcieresque Your tab is always open.

nickatnightwalker damian apparently doesnt need a tab you think i could talk him into buying me an antique vampire hunting kit off ebay

sorcieresque I think anything is possible if you're somewhat in distress and also compliment his abs.

nickatnightwalker i am that and could do that at any given moment

nickatnightwalker ok honestly that's half the problem

nickatnightwalker or like actually both halves of the problem houston, we have a lot of problems

sorcieresque This is Houston. Name those problems.

nickatnightwalker 1. he told me he killed 2 dudes and i was like cool hmu later? that's it that's the problem i've been here three weeks and im already chill with murder

sorcieresque I love this school. Is this a date.

nickatnightwalker no i need to go to the greenhouse to get evil-repelling plants like a fucking hippie but there's something fucked up living in there

nickatnightwalker besides, i can test them on him

sorcieresque I'll lend you my dagger. In exchange for some of whatever you collect here.

nickatnightwalker deal ok but also:  explain what's wrong with me

sorcieresque Your estranged relationship with your mother makes it difficult for you to form strong bonds with the women in  your life, and your difficult relationship with your father makes you both jealous of and crave anything remotely phallus-shaped. And you want to fuck your mother.

nickatnightwalker yep you got it

sorcieresque Thank you. I know.

nickatnightwalker i dont even know any girls

sorcieresque Me neither.

nickatnightwalker never been friends with one in my life

sorcieresque It's because of your estranged relationship with your mother. I already explained this.

nickatnightwalker youve met my dad can you look me in the eye and tell me i have a mother

sorcieresque That would require me to think about your father's sexual escapedes.

nickatnightwalker can you look me in the eye and tell me youve ever walked into our apartment and had a choice but to think about them

sorcieresque That would require me to re-experience the trauma, and I'd rather not.

nickatnightwalker at least you have the choice

sorcieresque They were offering counselling yesterday.

nickatnightwalker yeah im gonna have to give that a hard pass im pretty sure that's only for the near death experience crew so, you can go i guess

sorcieresque Please. My issues are what give me my wistful air of mystery and high class weariness of the world.

nickatnightwalker rrrrrrrrrright and not what give you your charming personality quirks like.  idk.  murderous rage?

sorcieresque Never heard of her.

nickatnightwalker really, cause i saw her the other day Today at 3:44 AM

sorcieresque Was she pretty.

nickatnightwalker goddamn she was gorgeous sadly also covered in blood pretty sure i saw a freshman throw up

sorcieresque She sounds like a dame to die for.

nickatnightwalker someone almost did not to be yknow flippant but i believe you lost the respect of several people in the room that night

sorcieresque Scandalized/Indignant gasp!

sorcieresque Well you know. I never had a strong male figure in my life to show me right from wrong.

nickatnightwalker good thing all that's changed now

sorcieresque Ohh, Mr. Wolff, Ooh.

nickatnightwalker and i shall leave my rolex on

[carlyjyll]

Review! Hemlock Grove: Part 2 Numinosum, Part 1

Time to dive back into that wacky Gothic adventure by Brian McGreevy called Hemlock Grove. There will be SPOILERS!

I decided to split Part 2 into two parts. This is Part 1 of Part 2 (pages 59-147).

Review Time!

As Part II of the story opens up I just have to say that I love all the different ways that McGreevy tells this story. From a somewhat traditional 1st person to emails and conversation recordings, it’s just really awesome! So props to you McGreevy, I see you.

Anyways Part II opens with a conversation between Dr. Norman Godfrey and Mr. Francis Pullman during one of their sessions. Francis tells him that he’s seen the Dragon and the thing inside his little girl.

We find out that Lisa Wiloughby was the girl that Christina Wendall kissed in the ending of Part I. The whole school and town is shooked by the two killings, but no less still being general assholes to one another. (Very true to real life.) So much so that Shelley Godfrey is being tormented by some boys but is thankfully rescued by Roman, who makes the boys kiss each other and then the two boys begin to fight. (Again very true to real life.)

Outside the school, Peter tells Roman that he thinks the killings were done by the Vargulf, which is a wolf that’s gone insane and that Peter can smell is angry. Roman then tells Peter he’s always wanted to be a warrior because his mother used to read to him about the Order of the Dragon, which were knights of the Crusades. In telling us this, Roman also wants to investigate the Vargulf and the deaths of the two girls. Peter has deep intimacy issues, as the whole time Roman is confessing this, Peter doesn’t know what the fuck to do and tells Roman to talk to a guidance counselor. Before that is one of my favorite quotes. ‘Wow. Peter didn’t want to touch that with your dick.’ Just beautiful.

Peter believes that there is ‘[about cruelty and pain in life]... no greater asshole than the one who believed he could cure it’ He doesn’t have long to dwell on this when Dr. Clementine Chasseur shows up! She is from the Department of Fish and Wildlife and came to ask Peter if he is a werewolf. A government employee came to a seventeen-year-old’s home to ask if he was a werewolf. (Very true to real life.)  Anyways, she asks this because Christina Wendall told the officers that it was Peter who did it because he told her he was a werewolf. (Remember that weird uncle-niece relationship they had. Well, the niece just fucking outed the weird ‘get-me-a-beer’ uncle. Thanks a lot, niece.) Peter explains the finger hand thing, which gets them talking about lesbians. “But I’m not really an expert on your whole werewolf/ lesbian situation,” Peter tells them. But doesn’t that sound like an awesome spin-off or it’s own series. Werewolf Lesbian Situations and that’s just it. It’s about lesbian werewolves that get themselves into stupid situations... I should write this...

After Dr. Chasseur is done with the interview Peter goes over to Roman’s home, where Roman is being a drama king from their earlier conversation. Which I can’t really blame him but, my GOD ROMAN AND PETER YOU TWO IDIOTS BOTH NEED COUNSELING. Peter tells Roman about the meeting and that Dr. Chasseur is a digger who will try to pry the truth out of him and find out that not only is he a werewolf but so was his grandfather Nicolae. Peter goes on to tell the story that Nicolae was a killer who fucked things up really badly for himself.

McGreevy does an excellent job telling the story about Nicolae and how the Rumanceks came to America and how Peter learned to be a wolf. It was really touching and one of the quotes from the story is down in my favorite quotes. Within this, we learn that the ‘g’ tattoo that Peter has on him stands for gadjo (which is someone who isn’t Romani.) Then my favorite saying of all time comes back and in my notes all I wrote was; Return of the Shee-it.

Peter and Roman, mostly Peter decides to go and dig up Lisa Willoughby. Peter believes that this partnership is an ‘auspicious dumbfuck’ of an idea. Also, the way Peter keeps shunning away from connecting with Roman is me. And in my notes I simply but a :(.

So we find out through the newspaper that Lisa was killed by an animal and that she was alive when she died, as in she saw herself being eaten. We also learn that it was Francis Pullman that found Brooke’s body after he escaped from the Godfrey mental institute. Speaking of Godfrey’s we have a scene with Shelley and Roman who are a jewelry store where Shelley sees that the saleswoman is Jenny from the club. Jenny got fired after the night Shelley wanted a salad instead of her meat. Roman tells Jenny that she’s lucky that her brain wasn’t taken out, indicating that that’s what Olivia usually does with her ‘enemies’.

Cut to another day at school, Roman drives Letha, Peter, and Shelley home. Letha has the hots for Peter and Peter doesn’t understand why she’s staring at him. ‘This family.’ <-----Remember that quote. Roman wants Letha to get information on Francis Pullman and what he knows. Letha doesn’t really want to but is going to because of Peter. While she’s deciding they pull up beside a garbage truck, which is so fucking perfect.

(Get it?)

Finally, we get to the scene where the twins Alyssa and Alexa Sworn visit Christina. Who is not doing well at all? Also, these girls are such assholes! Like my God, chill for about five years, your homegirl just tongued a corpse give her a break. But even with their charming interactions, we find out that Christina’s hair is turning white, from all the stress. Poor homegirl, she never got a chance.

Back to our favorite grave diggers! So I hate to admit this but I’m so Roman in this scene. Just spewing facts that no one cares about and you end up looking like a serial killer. #justgirlythings   As they begin digging Lisa’s grave, they start talking about different funerals they attended.  We learn that Nicolae died of colon cancer and Peter got to chop off his head before they buried him. Roman only ever went to two funerals. His father’s, which we get a flashback of what happened and that Roman knows of his uncle and mother’s affair. The second funeral was of Shelley.

There’s this really short scene of the twins being picked up by their dad and they mention Dunkin Donuts coffee and I got really jealous. We don’t have Dunkin Donuts over here on the west coast. All we have is Starbucks in my area, and they don’t even have donuts. This has been Carly’s tribute to Dunkin Donuts (Oh how I miss you!)

Cut to a new day where Letha decides to sit with Peter, who still doesn’t get that she likes him. This boy! - Do you remember that quote from before? Well, I do. And I see you, McGreevy. I see you. I loved this scene between the two of them and especially the end where Peter gives her the pink ring. Also, I forgot how much I really like Peter and Letha’s interactions, they just, I don’t know make me smile like an idiot. What can I say I’m a sucker for two idiots flirting/not flirting with each other.

In the following scene, we follow Dr. Chasseur who has come to the Godfrey Institute of Biomedical Technologies. We finally get to meet the ever creepy Dr. Johann Pryce! I only like him because he creeps me the fuck out. The two talk about what they know of each other and reanimating baby corpses. The typical food court at the mall conversations! Though I really liked how Dr. Pryce described JR a complete fuckwit. Idk it made me smile? Dr. Chasseur has a hard time reading Dr. Pryce as he has a face resembling the breathing dead.

After their conversation, we follow Peter and Roman on another one of their wacky adventures to visit his cousin Destiny. On the way, Roman goes from 0 to 100 by coming out of the blue and asking “What do you do while you’re horny?” I have so many questions. Do guys actually do this? Or is this Roman being Roman? But as always, stay classy Roman. They hand over Lisa’s intestines that they got to Destiny who puts an earthworm inside.

Dr. Norman Godrey goes and visits Dr. Pryce to ask him why his niece and patient are talking about the Dragon. Pryce shows him that the Dragon is really just a mural. Dr. Pryce also tells Norman that Mr. Pullman was used in a sleep study. We also learn that Pryce was involved in reviving (reanimating?) Shelley. “...What was of greatest benefit to themselves and their environment was a peerless cunt.” I love that all the creeps in this book are fully aware that they’re awful, but at the same time do nothing to improve their awfulness. I mean even Roman is creeped out by Dr. Pryce! Fucking Roman! In a later scene, we have Dr. Pryce come to the Godrey house to tell Shelley to zip it about his secret projects.

We get an insight into the many oddities of Olivia Godfrey, including if I’m not mistaken, trying to get it with her daughter? Idk but that scene with her on the couch with Shelley gave me some creepy incest vibes. After that Roman comes home and Olivia accuses Roman of being the one to dig up the grave. Roman says she needs to get laid and particularly by Norman. Olivia goes into a slapping spell that then renders her unconscious.  This is not the last time Olivia goes suddenly unconscious, it happens later on at the library with Shelley, after she sees Christina Wendall.

Peter returns to Destiny’s place and she proceeds to eat the worm that’s been living with Lisa’s intestines for a week. We get to see though “Lisa’s eyes”, that she was invited to Hemlock Grove and was eaten by a big black wolf with yellow eyes. As cool as Destiny’s seerness is in this chapter and that she tells Peter to be wary of Roman,  my favorite part was where Peter asks her about angels and that what I wrote was; PETER LIKES LETHA!! The boy finally gets it! 

(~LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE BOY!~)

Then we cut to Letha get a creepy massage by Roman. Fucking Roman!

After that, we have more fucking but between Olivia and Norman as they continue their really depressing sex affair. But we also get to learn that she was a patient of Norman before they were a couple. Also how sad is he? Like someone help him. He’s about to go Christina on us.

On another wacky adventure, we have Roman and Peter going to Lisa Wiloughby’s home and searching her place for an invitation. Lisa’s How to Change list is me btw. Her sister catches them but surprisingly helps them by handing over the letter. Inside we learn that she was supposedly invited by Roman. Roman promises to kill the killer. Fucking Roman!

There’s another session with Norman and Mr. Pullman where he gives out another name of a patient. H. Varga. Is it bad that when he was talking about the needle the size of a sword all I could think of was this:

So that’s the end of my Part I of Part  2 of Hemlock Grove! 

Dude, I really loved this part so far! I’m really digging all the characters and I love the flashbacks that were in the show kind of but in the books they were really well written. I didn’t mention this above but I absolutely loved Roman’s flashbacks of the cardinal. I don’t know why but that scene is still stuck in my head. As I did mention above, I looooove Letha and Peter’s interactions. They’re just really good and I like the similarities in how they think. (This boy. This family.) Kudos once again to Brian McGreevy, I can’t express enough how much I love the different ways you tell this story. It never gets boring.

I can’t wait to read the rest of Part 2 and 3 and give the rest of my review!

BONUS! Favorite Quotes!

“Do I got a dick in my mouth? I ain’t fucking crazy.”- Frances Pullman.

“I thought it meant you were a lesbian.” The police officer Neck about the size of your ring and middle finger.

“No punishment is greater, it’s having your heart removed.”- Peter about Nicolae.

“Shee-it.” 

“All necrophiliacs should be so lucky.”- Alexa Sworn to mental unstable Christina.

“What a drag.” Peter about being younger and patient.

“Earth to fucknuts.”- Peter to Roman.

Stay tuned for my Part 3 of this Review! 

But in the meantime...

Check out Brian McGreevy’s website here !

Buy his book, Hemlock Grove here!

If you haven’t seen the Hemlock Grove on Netflix go and give it a look!

Part 1, Part 3, and Part 4